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The object . . . roll the dice , pace off the appropriate number , reach down and pick up a card , read aloud what it said , and then follow the directions to the best of your ability . Mom rolled the dice for a four , paced off four cards on the floor , picked up the fourth card which read : " Tennis anyone ? Receive one dollar for every time you are able to bounce a ball up in the air off a tennis racket . . . sitting down . " Ever tried to bounce a ball on a tennis racket while sitting down ? Practically impossible but great fun to watch ! Mom earned about three dollars on that one . She continued to roll the dice , step off the cards , pick them up , read them and even made a few dollars . Some of the tasks were extremely inventive : " Call the dog . If she comes on the first call , win $ 10 ; the second call , win $ 5 ; the third call $ . 50 . How many glasses is the dishwasher designed to accommodate ? ; how many steps on the stairway to the second floor ? ; how many shoe boxes in your closet ? " Money was rewarded on a sliding scale based on how close Mom was to the correct number . When Mom got to the last card it read : " Go to your room ! " We all looked at each other and then raced up to the master bedroom . Upon entering we saw the glow of two candles , a beautiful red rose on my mother 's pillow , and next to the rose a box containing a pair of beautiful emerald earrings . My father took my mother 's hand and said , " Honey , you are the greatest treasure in my life . I rolled the dice thirteen years ago and I 've been a winner ever since . Happy Birthday . " With that , the magician picked up the champagne bottle and holding it three feet above the glasses proceeded to fill each glass without a single drop hitting the table . Then he said , " Before you drink , might I borrow that ring you have on your finger sir ? " gesturing to Keith 's wedding band . But when he tried to remove the ring , Keith found that it wouldn 't budge . With a disappointed look on his face the magician turned to Peggy and said , " Ma ' am , might I have that ring on your finger ? " pointing to her diamond wedding ring . Grabbing the scarf , Peggy did as she was instructed and was amazed to see that her ring had completely disappeared . In its place was a small black box . The magician said , " Ma ' am , let me ask you a question . . . would you rather have the ring that was on your finger or take a chance on whatever 's in this box ? " Peggy responded by saying , " Well , of course , I 'd rather have my own ring back . " To which the magician replied , " Certainly . I believe that 's your ring in the bottom of your champagne glass . " She looked and was shocked to see that it was . Opening the box Peggy found an emerald cut diamond surrounded by several smaller diamonds . Keith took both of her hands and said " Peg , ten years ago when I asked you to marry me I could only afford a very , very small diamond . I promised you that someday I would get you ' your ' diamond . . . happy anniversary darling . Every week we meet to practice for the upcoming Sunday services . We sing at three services on Sunday and are all very dedicated to the successful creation of a service filled with uplifting , well - executed music . Peter and I had hit it off that very first night and not only enjoyed seeing each other at practice and church , but spent a lot of our spare time together as well . Before we knew it we were considered " a couple " . Christmas at the church is especially exciting , but the behind - the - scenes work it takes to create a wonderful holiday celebration filled with joyous voices usually leaves us time for little else . My second year in the choir found me running around like a maniac trying to squeeze in shopping , baking , and gift wrapping between all of the extra practices we were having . I knew , of course , that all of the practicing would be worth it in the end , but little did I know just how special it would turn out . Christmas morning came and the choir was bustling around the dressing room decked out in crisp red and white robes . Peter was rushing around like a red blur as he gave last minute instructions and reminded everyone of their cues for solos and bible readings . I smiled as I watched him and wondered when we 'd have enough time to celebrate Christmas ourselves , just he and I . We filed solemnly into the church before many parishioners had arrived and began a beautiful rendition of Silent Night . I lost myself in the wonderful Christmas music as we moved from one song to the next . Peter stood at the front gently guiding us , a satisfied smile on his face . Peter leaned toward the microphone at his left and said , " Before we begin this celebration today , I ask that you all join me in a celebration of my own . " As he said this , he was looking right up at me . I felt butterflies in my stomach as he continued . " On this special day , I want to share my joy in finding the woman I want to share my life with . So , if Jean would come down here for a moment , I 'd like to ask her to be my wife . " My knees were shaking as I walked down through the choir to join Peter at the front of the congregation . He knelt before me and took my hand . Every morning Jimmy teased me about my thorough examination of Amber as though I thought they would bring her to me some morning with parts missing - hands , arms , fingers , toes all present and accounted for . But on our last morning in the hospital , as I performed my daily inspection , I was shocked to find a little envelope tucked into the front of Amber 's diaper . What on earth were these people doing ? I gently slid the envelope out of her diaper , finding that rather than paper , the envelope was made of the softest satin . I carefully opened the envelope to find a note that read , " Look in the bottom drawer of your nightstand " . I handed Amber to Jimmy , who was looking on intently , and climbed out of bed to look in the nightstand . I pushed the button and almost immediately the nurse walked in with her little pill tray in hand and handed it to me with a smile . There was the familiar assortment of pills , but in the center was a little box wrapped in pink paper with a shimmering red bow on top . " What 's this ? " I asked , to which the nurse just shrugged her shoulders . Just then Jimmy held out a beautiful gold charm bracelet . " This is the single most special occasion in our lives , the birth of our first daughter . Every year on Amber 's birthday we 'll add another gold charm significant of her life at that moment . I love you Deb . " And then he held both Amber and I close in his big warm hug . As the seventh inning was drawing to a close , Mary glanced up to see what bright banner was flying overhead and was amazed to see " Mary , will you marry me ? I love you . George , " flying through the sky . During the month of February we men start to get nervous . There are expectations out there that we 're just not sure we 're equipped to handle . The Valentine 's Day thing is a bit scary ! My wife Sara starts dropping little hints in late January that she really enjoyed last year when I bought her the dozen roses or the special dinner out that we did the year before . I start thinking , " How do I top myself year after year ? " But never fear , the romantic side of me usually wins out and this year was no exception . Sara was preoccupied and looked at her watch as she opened the door to her little car . Whoosh ! Out came the helium balloons I had so carefully crammed in there after she went to sleep last night . She jumped back , startled , then looked around to see if I was hiding anywhere nearby . " I know you 're out there somewhere Tim ! What are you up to ? " As I came out from my hiding place I pointed to the front seat of the car where one last balloon rested . " I wonder why that one didn 't fly out " , I said . " Better check it out . " POP ! went the balloon and out dropped a red velvet jewelry box that I caught in mid air and presented to Sara with a bow . " Honey , you are my sweetheart , forever and ever . Happy Valentine 's Day . " Walking through the Old Town district of Scottsdale , Arizona each year during our winter vacation is always a favorite activity of mine . My husband David and I wander for hours , holding hands , window shopping and stopping for coffee at pretty little sidewalk cafes . It 's especially romantic in the early evenings as white Christmas lights come on all around us and fountains surrounded by beautifully sculpted stallions fill the air with the sound of rushing water . A horse - drawn carriage passed by and I smile sweetly up at him , " David dear , could we just do a short carriage ride this year . It would be so romantic . " Imagine my surprise when this time he simply said , " Sure honey . Next one that goes by we 'll flag him down . " I sat curled in the comfort of David 's arm as we rode through the beautiful streets , content just to be close and warm with my husband . David bent down and kissed my forehead , and when I looked up at him I saw that he was holding his hand toward me with something draped across it . It was dark in the carriage so I bent close to look . " Honey , I want to give you this necklace as a reminder of how much I love being with you , no matter where we are or what we 're doing . I decided to give it to you on this carriage ride because I really want you to know that I 'll go anywhere with you or for you . " And he ended with a great big sneeze ! Sharon woke slowly and with her eyes closed began to affectionately stroke the cat . She stopped at Shazzam 's neck , and with her eyes still closed felt the pearl necklace carefully . She opened her eyes slowly to see if she was really touching what she thought she was touching , and as she exclaimed with delight over his wonderful surprise , her husband exclaimed , " Happy anniversary honey . . . I love you ! " Today was Susan 's birthday and she hummed happily as she drove home from work . She was really looking forward to dinner at her favorite restaurant with her husband Paul . A neighbor had agreed to take care of the kids for the evening and Susan had nothing to do but get ready and have a fun evening . The telephone was ringing as she walked in the front door and she rushed to answer it . It was Paul and he didn 't even tell her happy birthday . He just announced that his boss had assigned him an urgent project that needed to be completed by 8 : 00 the following morning . He followed up by saying that in the bedroom closet he had a briefcase full of documents he needed immediately to do the project . His request , " Would you please do me a big favor and bring those to me at the office ? " added to the disappointment that was now beginning to set in . The evening she had looked forward to was not going to happen , and he hadn 't even mentioned her birthday . Susan went to the bedroom closet and flipped the light switch . . . nothing happened . " Great " she muttered , " what else can go wrong . " She moved cautiously into the closet , certain she knew where the briefcase was . She stopped short when suddenly a match was struck and she saw a candle being lit , then another candle , then another . She watched in surprise as candle by candle a birthday cake was illuminated by her husband who was sitting on the floor with the cake on a small table in front of him . He was wearing a party hat and began singing ' happy birthday ' as he continued to light candles . This was too funny ! Paul was the most serious , business - like person in the world . And there he sat on the closet floor wearing a goofy hat and singing happy birthday . Susan couldn 't believe it ! Paul invited her to sit on the floor across from him at the little table . " Honey , make a wish and blow out the candles . " She did as he instructed but had some difficulty because his surprise appearance had left her a bit giggly . The next thing she heard was a distinct " pop " and Paul was pouring champagne into two glasses . Touching his glass to hers , Paul became his serious self again and said , " Susan , you 're the love of my life . I love you with all my heart , and I am just so thankful that you 're my wife . Happy Birthday . " He opened a pretty little velvet - covered box to reveal a wonderful opal ring glittering in the candlelight . Every Saturday morning , without fail , my sister Joanne and I meet for coffee at our favorite cafe . When the weather is nice we sit outside and the waitress who has been serving us for years brings us our order without even having to ask us what we want . We have comfort food and girl talk , and it 's the highlight of my week . Even though Joanne listened patiently I sensed that she was distracted , and I finally asked her what was so interesting behind me ? She leaned toward me and whispered , " Don 't turn around , but there 's a guy behind you with a hat and sunglasses that looks like he 's trying to eavesdrop . I wonder if he 's delusional and thinks he 's a spy ! " At that we giggled and continued our conversation in quieter tones . A few seconds later I heard the chair behind me scrape the cement as our " spy " moved closer . This guy was definitely a kook who was much too interested in what we were saying . So I proceeded to launch into a tale of how I had met a fabulous bodybuilder earlier in the week and we were having a passionate affair . I added that I was thinking about breaking up with Thomas to run off with this new guy . CRASH ! In trying to strain to listen to what I was saying , the guy behind us actually fell over backwards , and I was so startled that I jumped up and managed to tip our whole table over - coffee , toast and all . What a mess and what a noise ! Everyone on the patio was looking at us ! I turned to give this guy a piece of my mind and absolutely could not believe the sight of my Thomas righting himself and his chair and trying to maintain some small semblance of dignity . " What on earth do you think you 're doing ? " I yelled . " Well , believe it or not honey . This was a well - planned attempt to propose in a very unique and romantic way . It just didn 't turn out exactly as I had planned ! " With that , he pulled a diamond ring out of his pocket and took my hand . " Janet , don 't you even think about running off with some other guy ! You 're my girl , and I want you to be my wife ! Will you marry me ? " Trying to hold back a combination of laughter and tears , I held out my hand for Thomas to slip the diamond on my finger . " Thomas , I 'll call Fabio the minute I leave here and tell him the deal 's off . I would love to be your wife . " The sound of the waterfall in the distance meant that lunch break was just around the corner . Her feet were tired and she was ready for a rest . The waterfall was Wendy 's favorite place in the whole world and she looked forward to a peaceful half an hour enjoying its beauty . Running to the edge of the pool , she pulled off her hiking boots and let her feet slowly sink into the cool blue water . Peter joined her as they sat and shared a delicious lunch of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches . Afterwards , dozing in the sun , Wendy tried to think of a way to cheer Peter up a bit . As they prepared to leave , Wendy slid on her socks and grabbed her boots . After cooling her heels in the stream her boots always felt so much better on her feet . Lacing up her second boot she noticed something strange about the shoelace . There was something hanging from it . . . a diamond ring ! It was a diamond engagement ring ! ! She turned to face Peter who had dropped to his knee beside her . Taking the boot from her he removed the ring , looked lovingly into her eyes , and said , " My darling Wendy , I love you more than anything in this world . I want to spend the rest of my life with you . Will you marry me ? " Michael and I met in a composition class in our sophomore year of college . We struck up a conversation one afternoon as we were walking out of the classroom and continued talking until we reached my dorm . He asked if he could take me out for coffee later and I told him I 'd like that . Michael and I had been dating for a little over a year when we began talking about moving in together . I had discussed the idea with my parents and they weren 't too crazy about it . They hadn 't said " absolutely not young lady " as I had expected though , so I moved forward with my plan to move in . As I trudged up the steps with a full armload of clothes I looked up to see that Michael had already hung a beautiful wreath made of red & gold leaves on our door . It was big and thick and had pine cones scattered around it . I wondered who had made it . Pushing open the door with my foot I walked in and complimented Michael on the wreath as I dropped my pile of clothes on the couch . " Who made that Michael ? It 's beautiful . " " My Mom ? " I walked back out to take a closer look with Michael on my heels . The significance of the wreath on our door was much more apparent when I had a chance to look more closely . Hanging from a red ribbon in the center was a diamond engagement ring with a note attached to it . In my Mom 's writing , the note read : " Honey , do you think we would 've let you move in there if we hadn 't known Michael was going to propose . Now , give the poor boy his answer ! Love , Mom " Now , this isn 't a secluded spot , mind you . We most often fish from the dock at a nearby bait & tackle shop . They say we 're good advertising because we always catch fish . We 're often surrounded by bait shop patrons asking us how we 're doing and what bait we 're using . Imagine my surprise as I lifted the pole and got clunked on the head by a diamond ring tied neatly in place of the sinker . I had to look twice , and then started laughing when I realized that all of my husband 's aggravation had been meant to lead me to exactly this point . I turned and looked to see him standing in the doorway of the bait shop , employees , owner , and a few patrons all peeking around him with big grins on their faces . " Hey honey ! Have I told you lately that I sure like fishin ' with you ? " No special occasion , just a very fitting way to tell me how much he loves me . His wife Mary had been a little skeptical with his reasoning that the purchase was because their kids who were now 14 and 16 would be taking long trips with them in the car and they needed more room . He knew she was on to him . . . his real motivation for buying a utility vehicle was because he loved to go four - wheeling on Saturdays with his friends and felt a little conspicuous when he was always doing the " riding " and never the driving . Joe arrived home and ran into the house as excited as a nine - year - old boy with his first bicycle . Mary was working at her computer as Joe came up behind her , gave her a big kiss on the cheek and said , " C ' mon , c ' mon , let 's go ! Let 's go for a ride . " They jumped into the Explorer and headed out of town . After a few minutes , Joe pulled over to the side of the road and invited Mary to drive . She got behind the wheel and found that she really enjoyed the sensation of sitting up so high with a great view of everything ahead of her . Joe instructed , " Hang a left here " and as Mary followed his directions she found herself heading into the late afternoon sun . To shield her eyes , she quickly reached up and pulled down the visor . She felt something " plop " right into her lap and then roll onto the floor of the truck . " What was that ? " she exclaimed . Sporting a foolish grin , Joe just shrugged his shoulders . Mary opened the box to find an alligator pendant with ruby chips for its eyes . " Oh my gosh ! What 's this all about ? " she exclaimed with great pleasure . " Well , honey , I just wanted to say thank you for your understanding about me buying this vehicle . We could 've lived without it , but you knew how much it meant to me . You 're a wonderful wife and I don 't tell you often enough how much I appreciate you . Thank you . " Jean and Al played golf together every Sunday afternoon and today , their 15th wedding anniversary , was no different . They were very competitive , very evenly matched , but Al always managed to self destruct and bogie the last few holes . Jean always took advantage and won . She pulled her own seven wood out and then grabbed for the other one . Hearing a rattling noise , she slid her hand down the club shaft and stopped . Tied to the club with a red ribbon was a gorgeous cocktail ring , the one she had fallen in love with the last time she & Al had gone window shopping . She turned to Al with a combined look of love and astonishment . He was beaming from ear to ear and said , " Happy anniversary , Jeanie . You 've given me the best fifteen years of my life , and I 'm looking forward to the next fifteen . " So now we drove to McDonald 's . Dad placed the order and gave the signal by asking for lots of extra mustard and ketchup . We picked it up at the window and were on our way to our favorite picnic table in the park three blocks away . Sitting at the table , Dad passed our food out to each of us . Mom unwrapped her hamburger then held it out at arm 's length , looking at it very suspiciously . She 's been caught up in my father 's practical jokes on more than one occasion and this was beginning to look a little fishy . Suddenly she exclaimed , " What kind of a hamburger did you order for me anyway ? What is this ? " As she lifted the top of the bun she saw a colorfully wrapped gift box tucked inside . By now my sister and I had stopped eating and were watching the proceedings carefully . My father looked on , beaming with pleasure at yet another well - executed plan . Mom opened the box to find a wonderful pair of pearl earrings as Dad leaned over to give her a kiss on the cheek . " I love you Jeannie . Happy Birthday . " But that wasn 't all . My father reached into his pocket , produced two small gift - wrapped boxes , and handed them to my sister and me as he said , " The two of you are also very special to me . " Inside each box was a little heart - shaped locket with our initials on it . Being somewhat of a night owl , Anne always enjoyed reading in bed before going to sleep . Derrick , on the other hand , was gone the minute his head hit the pillow . This night was just like any other . . . or was it ? The day before , Derrick had gone to the store and purchased a copy of the book Anne was currently reading , and that afternoon he had replaced her copy with the one he had bought . Only , this one had a little surprise in it . About fifteen pages beyond where Anne had stopped reading last night he had carved a perfectly - shaped little niche for the stunning emerald ring he had bought her to celebrate the beginning of a new year together . As Derrick climbed into bed , Anne had just picked up the book and started reading . He put his head on the pillow , closed his eyes , and a few minutes later heard her laugh in pure pleasure . She exclaimed , " Oh my gosh ! You are the most wonderful man in the whole world ! " as she grabbed him and began to shake him . My boyfriend Carl and I had been dating for several years when we decided it was time for us to get married . It was pretty cut and dried , not a lot of romance or discussion . We didn 't want to spend a lot of money on a ring because we were saving to buy some property where we could have a couple of horses , a dream both of us had had since childhood . We started our ride when it was still dark but both of us were wide awake and looking forward to the ride . I had baked fresh cinnamon rolls the night before and brought them along with a thermos of hot coffee . The plan was to ride up into the mountains as it got light and stop in time to watch the glorious sunrise over the pasture down below . As we rode up the trail Carl reached over and touched my arm so tenderly it made me want to cry . I just love that man so much it hurts ! I turned to smile at him and saw that he was holding a little box out toward me . We walked our horses off to the side of the trail and I opened the box to find a precious gold ring with little diamonds all across the top . It was the most beautiful ring I had ever seen . " Joanne , I love you so much that I want every single person who sees you to notice that you have a ring on your finger and know that our love for each other is a special thing for us . That ring is nothing fancy , but the depth of love it carries is beyond measure . Will you be my wife ? " Our new neighbor , Bob , had made repeated visits to our home asking us very nicely to please do something about Buddy 's barking . We tried everything we could think of short of putting a muzzle on him . Conversations with Bob gradually became less cordial over a period of just a few days and I was feeling terribly stressed about the situation . There stood Bob with an angry scowl on his face . " Susan ! I 've really had enough of that dog . I don 't want to have a feud over this , but I sure would appreciate it if you would try this muzzle and see if it tones Buddy 's barking down a little bit . " At that , he held out a muzzle and I took it from him . " Okay Bob " I replied quietly as I turned and walked back into the house . I really hated to do that to Buddy , but if that was the only answer then so be it . I walked out the back door and knelt down beside Buddy to slip the muzzle over his nose . I ran back through the house and out the front door to find both Bob & Kelly waiting with expectant grins on their faces . " You guys set me up ! " I laughed . Kelly reached out and pulled me close in a hug . " Honey , Bob isn 't even all that mad about Buddy . He 's just been putting on a show the past few days . I wanted these earrings to be a real surprise when I gave them to you , and I think I succeeded don 't you ? " Saturday afternoon was laundry day , and as usual she shook her head in exasperation as she lifted Frank 's trousers from the floor and felt the weight of the usual odds & ends he had the habit of collecting . But she was in a forgiving mood today . After all , it was their anniversary , and she knew he would take her out for a lovely celebration tonight . Attached to the package was a note that read , " Honey , there have been two wonderful women in my life ; I 'm thankful that you 're one of them . Thanks for taking such good care of me . I love you very much . Happy Anniversary . Frank " . Anne turned and beamed with pleasure at Frank who was leaning in the laundry room doorway waiting for her to open her package . Inside was the most exquisite gold necklace Anne had ever seen . As she walked over to give Frank a thank you kiss , she said , " Honey , I love you too , and I think I can even put up with emptying your pants pockets for another hundred years or so . " No matter what her age , Patricia 's birthday was always a big deal . It was her special day and she loved to make the most of it . Dave decided to involve the couple 's two young daughters in a birthday game for Patricia where the ultimate prize was . . . well . . . something very nice . Patricia handed over five one dollar bills . The girls were jumping up and down and shouting , " Choose number one Mommy ! " , " No , choose number two Mommy ! " , " No , choose number three ! " Finally she selected drawer number two and in it was a fifty dollar bill . She and the girls jumped up and down with excitement . Walking into the kitchen , Dave said , " Here we have the dog 's dish , and two cat dishes , one for each cat . For five of your one dollar bills , under one of those dishes is a fifty dollar bill , under the other is a five dollar bill , and under the third there is nothing . . . which do you choose ? " Now the kids were really into it , first pointing to one dish and then another . Patricia pondered for some time before she made her decision . They ended up in the master bedroom staring at three pillows on the bed . " Under one pillow is fifty dollars , under a second pillow five dollars , and under the third is nothing . Hand me five one dollar bills and you can choose . " Of course , the debate between the three ladies was once again very fervent . Then Dave said , " Your head lies on one of the pillows as we sleep . My head lies on another pillow as we sleep . But the one in the middle . . . that 's the one your daughters lie on when they come to sleep in our bed . " For the most part , my husband and kids treat me like a queen on Mother 's Day . Last year , though , I was beginning to wonder if they had totally forgotten the day because all I was hearing about was that they had tickets to go to some big monster truck rally coming to town on " my " day ! I kept trying to subtly remind them that there was a big day involved and all I got was , " Yeah ! Wow ! This is going to be so cool ! " So , finally , I decided that if I couldn 't sway them in my direction I 'd just have to join them at the rally and consider it a treat of a different sort ! Quite honestly I had a terrific time at that truck rally . The roaring trucks doing unimaginable tricks , the speedsters who blew past us in a plume of smoke and flames . . . all of it was pretty exciting . I was getting into it so much that when my husband asked us if we 'd like to go behind the grandstand and look at some of the trucks parked out there , I was the one saying " Yeah ! Cool ! Let 's check these things out up close ! " He just grinned and shook his head at me . The kids and I held each other 's hands and trailed David out to the area where the trucks were parked , oohing and aahing at the size of those things . We stopped at a big purple truck that had tires as big as my whole car . I was fascinated with its sheer size , and when David asked me if I 'd like to get inside it , my answer was an unhesitating " Yes ! " He asked the owner if that would be okay , and between him and David they hoisted me up until I was sitting on top of the world surveying my kingdom from a monster truck . I looked down at the dash to see what kind of gizmos would be included in such a truck and saw that an envelope was blocking my view . And the envelope had my name on it . I looked down at David & the kids to see them watching me avidly with huge grins on their faces . I picked up the envelope to find a small jewelry box sitting behind it but prolonged the moment by politely reading the very beautiful , loving card first . Then I picked up the pretty little box and removed the shimmering ribbons and gold paper . Inside was a pair of blue topaz earrings which I immediately put on and surveyed in the monster truck 's rear view mirror to admire my family 's good taste . Maria woke from a deep sleep with her daughter Jill shaking her and yelling , " Mommy ! Mommy ! There 's a box hanging from the ceiling . What is it ? " Sure enough , suspended from the ceiling was a mysterious - looking box . It was about eighteen inches square and wrapped in shiny tin foil . It looked like something from outer space ! " Don 't . . . touch . . . the . . . box . . . ! " They looked around at the sound of Dad 's booming voice as he repeated , " Don 't touch the box please . " By now Jill 's two sisters had also come down to the living room and Dad just looked at each of them , smiled , and said " Don 't touch the box . " Maria walked over to him with a quizzical look on her face and whispered , " Fred , what 's going on ? What 's this box ? " He just looked her in the eye and said , " Under no circumstances is anyone to touch that box . " One day passed , then another , then another until the box had been hanging from the ceiling in the living room for four days . Maria and the girls were going crazy wondering what was in it and , more importantly , who was it for ? Deductive reasoning proved that no one 's birthday was coming , it certainly wasn 't Valentine 's Day or a wedding anniversary . Christmas was six months away . What could it be ? That evening with everyone gathered in the living room , Dad reached over , took the box in his hand and carefully cut the four wires which were holding it in suspension . He handed it to Jill , asking her to unwrap the tin foil from the box . When she had completed that , he took the box from her and handed it to his next oldest daughter , Rachel , and asked her to remove the box which was taped around another package . Fred walked over and put his arms around her , saying , " Actually dear , this IS our anniversary . Ten years ago today you walked into the little store where I was working . That 's when I first saw you and that 's when I first fell in love with you . " Having dated for five years , Sue knew that it was only a matter of time before Larry popped the question . This particular Saturday afternoon found them enjoying a beautiful Fall afternoon at the city zoo . Excusing himself , Larry went over and bought a couple of sodas , a bag of popcorn for himself , and for Sue , her favorite , Cracker Jacks . Just like a little kid , she couldn 't wait to find the prize hidden in the box . After every handful , she would reach deeper into the box , feeling around for that ever - famous little plastic toy . All of a sudden , a smile lit up her face . . . she 'd found it . Shaking the box back & forth while wiggling her fingers inside she pulled the prize from the box , anxious to see what it was . A look of astonishment came over her face . This wasn 't a toy . . . no , this was a beautiful diamond ring . Larry pulled her to him , and as he asked her to be his bride , he carefully slid that diamond ring onto her finger . I had only been working for Ron for a couple of weeks when he suddenly seemed to slow down and take notice that I was an attractive woman . I could just tell by the way he stopped what he was doing and got all flustered when I walked into his office one afternoon that something had just " clicked " . Of course , I didn 't pursue it because it 's common knowledge that office romances are an invitation to disaster . Our first dinner together was perfect . He took me to a beautiful restaurant with a view of the city that took my breath away . And I found Ron 's company absolutely wonderful . We talked and laughed for hours without feeling the least bit self conscious . And so it began . . . Ron and I dated each other for almost a year without anyone in the company knowing of our relationship . I truly believe that work and pleasure should be kept separate so it wasn 't all that hard to switch from one relationship during the day to the other in the evening . Both of us were quite content with the situation , or so I thought . It was the Tuesday morning before Christmas and I was rushing to complete a couple of deadlines before I took a few days off for the holidays . I was in deep concentration when I realized that I could hear music other than the piped in background noise that was always playing . I strained to figure out what it was and where it was coming from . It sounded almost like bagpipes , but why would anyone be playing the bagpipes in our office building ? I went back to work but could hear the music getting nearer and nearer and , yes , I was certain it was bagpipes . I was determined not to interrupt my work but was forced to when the whole office reacted to the bagpipe player that had just walked off the elevator . . . Ron right behind him in full Scottish regalia . I couldn 't believe my eyes ! The bagpipe player and Ron proceeded boldly to my desk and stopped right in front of me . I didn 't know how to react I was so surprised . And then , Ron took my hand and pulled me out from behind my desk , knelt down before me , and held out a diamond ring that made everyone gasp . Or , maybe it was the fact that the boss was proposing to his assistant that no one knew he was even dating ! Either way , when Ron took my hand and slipped the ring on my finger , asking me to be his wife I responded with a thrilled " yes " . Frustrated with the inability to meet men in my world , I took a giant leap of faith and started contacting people through the singles sites I found on the Internet . I found that I could actually specify age and the city where they lived as well as view pictures of the people I found during my search . From there I could see their likes and dislikes , their philosophies on life and relationships , and a whole array of information . What could be better ? Not everyone I " met " was someone I was compatible with , but I did find one person that I particularly enjoyed corresponding with via e - mail , so much so that Tom and I decided to speak to each other on the telephone . He was a big hit with me ! Humorous , intelligent , and thoughtful and I found myself looking forward to meeting him in person . So Tom and I met for coffee one Sunday morning and , even though this sounds like a cliché , it was love at first sight . We both found what we had been looking for in a relationship - warmth , understanding , respect , and love . We were perfect for each other and throughout the next year developed a very strong relationship . During that time , we spent quite a bit of time at the computer , which seems rather fitting considering the way we met . Tom and his best friend , Mike , own a web site design company and we often looked at sites in progress so I could give Tom my opinion . He 's very proud of his work and so am I . As soon as we got to his place Tom started up his computer and typed in www . Janet . com - " hmmm , strange name for a web site " , I thought . Then the site came up in a burst of fireworks - it was like the most glorious Fourth of July fireworks display I had ever seen ! The lights in the room dimmed above us and I heard a champagne cork pop . " Just keep watching that screen Janet " Tom said , so I kept my eyes glued there waiting to see what would happen next . I watched one last burst of fireworks of every color imaginable , and then , from the screen , a hand came toward me holding a ring . . . a very spectacular diamond ring with rainbow colors glinting off of it . It was all just incredible ! I laughed with delight and turned to tell Tom he is an absolute genius , and there was that very same hand holding a diamond ring toward me , only this time the hand was attached to Tom as he knelt down beside me to ask me to be his wife . Mark 's plan was to sail into a private little cove that he had discovered a few weeks earlier . It was here that he planned to take out the diamond engagement ring and ask Ellen to marry him . The champagne was on ice . . . he wanted to make this a very special day for Ellen . Anchoring the boat , he put his plan in motion . Taking the ring out of his pocket , he called her name and began walking toward her . She saw the ring in his hand and beamed with pleasure about what was going to happen next . Both Mark and Ellen stood in stunned silence and watched as the ring quickly disappeared from view . Ellen turned to Mark with a gasp , but then said , " Well , honey , I can only hope that ring was insured ! " He explained to her how much he had wanted to make this such a special day , then picked up the champagne and two glasses , saying " it 's the thought that counts , and , yes , the ring was insured " . He brought the bottle over to her but she had absolutely no interest in champagne . He said , " C ' mon honey , let 's celebrate our love anyway . I want you to marry me ; the ring will just have to come a little later . " At the moment he was about to pour , Ellen glanced down at the glass and was startled to see a diamond ring . . . wait a minute , another diamond ring ? What about the one that went overboard ? She looked at Mark quizzically . . . " what are you up to buster ? " Mark smiled as he said , " The ring I dropped was straight from the dime store honey . I wanted to make a point that objects are just things . It 's not a ring that makes my love for you so real and so deep , but this diamond ring I put on your finger now is an important symbol of my love for you . Will you be my wife ? " As a dive master loaded equipment onto a boat for their much - anticipated first diving day , the sun was just coming up over the horizon . Frank and Dede sat on the top deck of the boat and sipped freshly - squeezed , icy cold orange juice as they watched the loading project . A charge of excitement shot through them as the boat slowly pulled away from the pier . Today 's dive would be at the old " pirate ship " , at least that 's what everyone called it . There were rumored to be great treasures of gold aboard this sailing vessel at one time . Only a few coins and some small trinkets had ever been salvaged . After lunch they were back in the water , this time exploring just at the bow of the old ship . Seeing Frank turning over rocks and scouring the bottom of the ocean floor , Dede began to do the same . After poking around under a variety of rocks and shipwreck debris , she picked up what looked like a small rock and then dropped it in surprise . She moved her hands frantically to get Frank 's attention and motioned him over to see what she had found . When Frank reached her she pointed to the oyster at her feet . What excited Dede was the fact that not only was the oyster partially open , but coming from inside the oyster was not just one pearl - there appeared to be a whole string of pearls ! Frank gestured for her to pick it back up which she did , very carefully . As she slowly pulled the string of pearls from their hiding place she turned to look at Frank and saw him mouthing the words , " I love you honey . Happy Anniversary ! " They drifted slowly to the surface where she thanked him with a big kiss and a hug . Believe it or not , I met my husband while driving to work one morning . He was in a big white pickup truck in the lane beside me and we both happened to look over at each other at the same moment . Wow ! He was the most handsome man I 'd seen in a long time , and apparently he thought I looked pretty good too because after a few miles of flirting he gestured for me to follow him into the parking lot of my favorite local bagel shop - and I did . The truck started passing on my right and I glanced over to take a closer look . Wow ! What a handsome man - there was Dan behind the wheel , flirting just like he had on that first day . We smiled , we waved , and finally , instead of gesturing for me to pull over this time , Dan held up a glittering diamond ring and mouthed " Will you marry me ? " My boyfriend , Jason , is a mechanic who I met when I was going through a series of car repairs that I was beginning to think were going to drive me into bankruptcy . He kept assuring me that my car was worth repairing and that it would cost me less in the long run than buying a new car . So I just kept following his advice until finally the day arrived that he pronounced my car " as good as new " . I got in my car slowly , battling with my desire to see Jason socially and my fear of rejection . I turned to wave at him standing in the doorway of the shop and sat down in my car - or tried to sit down . I landed on something bulky in the seat and got back up to see what was there . A teddy bear ! Complete with jaunty hat and a colorful scarf around his neck . He was just so cute , and I knew Jason must have put him there . I picked him up and saw that there was an envelope hanging from his scarf so I pulled it off and opened it . I never once turned around to look at Jason . I was too afraid I 'd do something completely silly ! Inside the envelope I found a dainty little gold necklace with a simple heart charm . The note that was included read , " Turn around , and I 'll be there . But , if you get into your car and drive away , I 'll have your answer . " Of course I turned around and found myself practically nose to nose with Jason . He took the necklace from my hand and held it up between us . " Melinda , you 're the nicest girl I 've met in a long time . I just didn 't know how to ask you out . But I knew I couldn 't let you get away from me . Will you wear this necklace when we go out to dinner together ? " That was the beginning of our relationship . Once Jason became comfortable with me his romantic nature showed itself again and again . But it 's the gold heart hanging on a chain that truly won MY heart . My husband Jim gets quite a kick out of himself and particularly enjoys creating ways to make gift - giving occasions special in his own quirky way . My favorite was the year we celebrated my birthday with a group of friends and he organized a scavenger hunt . I hadn 't done that in years ! We stopped first at my dear friend Molly 's , an elderly woman who seldom left her home . I was certain she 'd have at least a few of the things we needed . She didn 't mind a bit when we borrowed a roll of toilet tissue , a salt shaker , a magazine , and some soda crackers . She was a gold mine ! Our next stop netted us a candy bar , some wrapping paper & ribbon , and a comb . And so the hunt went . We had twenty items to gather and could get a maximum of four from any one house . The more obscure items , like a cigarette holder and an aluminum can masher , had us searching for quite a while , but finally we had everything on the list . When we arrived back at the house we found that everyone else had finished ahead of us , but none of them had found everything on the list like we had . We were the big winners ! Just as I had suspected , our prize was a silly one - a package of licorice for each of us ! As Jim rooted through our loot to make sure we hadn 't cheated , he held up the salt shaker we had borrowed from Molly . " Come here honey . Doesn 't this look a little strange ? " Jim slowly poured as we all gathered around to see what was going to fall out . " Clink " we heard as something shiny hit the side of the bowl . " Oh my gosh ! It 's a gorgeous diamond earring ! " I exclaimed . The matching earring followed , and I said , " What on earth would Molly be doing with diamond earrings in her salt shaker ? " " You silly goose ! " Molly said from behind our guests . " Those earrings are from Jim , and he conned me into helping him get them to you in his usual outrageous fashion . I just think he 's the sweetest man ! " This morning I noticed that the sound of the band was getting closer and closer . " Terrific " , I thought , " sounds like I 'll get to see them march by this morning . " Five minutes later , sure enough , I saw the whole band rounding the corner , James in the lead . I watched in surprise as the band turned into my parking lot and began marching into one of their formations . Only the snare drums sounded as they moved precisely into place - a giant heart formed before my eyes . They began playing " My Heart Belongs to You " and James marched smartly to the center of the heart . James knelt down and looked up at my window where he could see me watching in amazement . First he put his hands over his heart and mouthed " I love you Karen " and then he held a box up toward me . He opened it and I could see that a ring glinted in the sun . At that moment , the entire band , in perfect synchronicity shouted , " Karen . Will you marry James ? " First he had to get the house clean . There , of course , was no way HE could do it because that would be a big clue that something was going on . So he told Mom he had invited his boss and his wife over for a game of bridge and they would be bringing their two - year - old son . This accomplished two things . Number one , it gave my Mother a reason to tidy up the house , and since my sister loved to take care of their little boy , the ploy would disguise her excitement over the surprise party . Then the action began : Dad called for Mom to help him search for a contact lens he had allegedly lost in the upstairs bathroom . As they were on the floor searching for the contact lens , thirty people were sneaking into the lower family room . That was my signal to come running upstairs yelling , " Mom ! Mom ! Susan is sick ! She 's throwing up ! " At that very moment Dad miraculously found his contact lens . Mom grabbed some towels and then came tearing down the stairs to the family room to be greeted by a big " SURPRISE ! " from all of her friends . She practically fell down the last few stairs she was so shocked ! She turned around and there was Dad standing behind her . He placed a beautiful box in her hand saying , " Happy Birthday sweetheart . " Mom opened the box to find a gorgeous diamond pendant . As tears streamed down her face , Dad took the necklace from her hands and fastened it around her neck . He gave her a big kiss and then declared , " Party time ! " The waitress presented the huge tray with a flourish . It was filled with a large variety of colorfully decorated pastries which I hoped Jenna would find irresistible , and she didn 't disappoint me . The pretty little pastry in the middle called out to her just as I hoped it would . Rather than take a bite though she immediately began examining it more closely . " How funny . This is made just like a little box . " She turned it from side to side and finally lifted the top of the pastry ever so slowly to see the diamond engagement ring I had bought her . Her face lit up like I 'd never seen it before as she reached out to take my hand . " Yes , Yes , Yes " she laughed . Christmas at our house was always a very festive time of the year , and finding just the right tree topped our list of importance when it came to decorating . Tree hunting was a family affair that included my dad , my mother , my little sister , and me . It always seemed like we had to visit every tree lot in town before we found the perfect tree . But , once we were gathered around our specially - picked tree that we had decorated " just so , " we were very pleased with our efforts . Another of our family traditions was to gather around the piano on Christmas Eve and sing Christmas carols . This Christmas was no different . . . with Mom playing the piano , we began working our way through the Christmas carol book , each of us choosing a favorite . As we concluded every song , Mom would tap repeatedly on the middle C saying , " This just doesn 't sound right . " Not being pianists , we all kind of shrugged our shoulders and went on to the next song . As Mom looked down into the piano , she exclaimed , " Well , no wonder ! There 's something stuck on one of the wires . " She reached in to remove it and further exclaimed , " Somebody taped something on here . . . what 's going on ? " Mom fiddled with the tape for a few seconds and popped up with a beautiful emerald stud earring held up for inspection between her thumb and forefinger . She turned around to see all of us with these lovingly goofy grins on our faces as my father held out the box containing the other earring . " Merry Christmas honey , from all of us " . When my husband and I were children we attended the same grade school in a small Iowa town . Every year at Easter our teachers would make up little baskets for each child , and every day a different child would have a basket hidden somewhere in the room . In it would always be some little treasure chosen especially for that child . It was a tradition that we all loved and looked forward to every year . As usual , my husband Chuck was up and gone early , grabbing coffee and a bagel on his way to work . " I wish that man could get his mind off of work for just two minutes " I muttered as I jogged on the treadmill . It would have been nice if he had rolled over this morning and at least said " happy birthday " or , even better , had made me breakfast in bed . That was a lot to wish for , but it sure would have been nice . As I picked up my pace on the treadmill , I considered ways to get Chuck to join me at the gym . The last gym Chuck had ever seen was the one in the jungle - as in jungle gym at his grade school playground . No matter how much I tell him that I worry about him working so much and that he isn 't taking very good care of himself physically , he just ignores my pleas . " Oh well , enough of that " I told myself , looking around to see the usual familiar faces . As I finished up with my run and stepped down , my girlfriend Julie walked over and said , " Marge , I 'm having trouble getting this weight adjusted over here . Could you give me a hand for just a second ? " All of a sudden , a loud chorus of " Happy Birthday " broke out . When I realized that everyone in the gym was singing to me I just couldn 't believe . I hadn 't told a soul it was my birthday so who leaked it ? Then I got my answer . There stood Chuck right in the middle of the group singing " Happy Birthday " and I was even more shocked to see that he was wearing workout clothes . Wow ! What a wonderful birthday gift ! He walked over and gave me a big hug . " Honey , I 've finally decided to give in to your coaxing to start working out with you . That 's one of your birthday presents . The other is in this box , " he said as he held out a box gift - wrapped in shiny gold paper . Opening the box with shaky hands I found a stunning watch inscribed with the words , " Time together well spent . . . Love , Chuck " . Two wonderful birthday gifts made my 40th birthday an especially happy one . Christmas Day came and our whole family waited in anticipation to see Mom 's reaction when she saw that Dad had actually found her a Cabbage Patch doll . We hovered close as Dad sat smugly watching in the background . Mom slowly unwrapped the package and exclaimed with pure pleasure when she saw the funny - looking little doll peeking out at her . Pulling the doll from its box , Mom gave it a hug and then held her out at arm 's length for further inspection . Suddenly , she pulled the doll back close to her face very quickly and then looked up at my father with such a look of surprise we couldn 't figure out what was going on ! " Let us see , Mom " we all begged . The sportscasters announcing the tournament let the viewers in on what was about to happen . They watched avidly as she took the flag out of the hole and stood off to the edge of the green while the father putted out . As he reached in the hole to retrieve his ball he secretly left a diamond ring in the bottom of the cup . My husband Tom and I always treated our sons to a treasure hunt on Christmas morning so they would truly be surprised by gifts that were impossible to disguise with wrapping paper . One year they found a computer at the end of the hunt ; another year they found bowling balls . It was a game that brought all of us a great deal of pleasure . I went into the kitchen , straight to the oven , and opened the drawer beneath it . Inside it was the cookware just like I 'd been coveting at my sister 's house for months . What a terrific birthday gift ! But , no , there was another note there : " Don 't stop here . I know you 're dying to get those heels off and get into something comfy for your special birthday evening . " Off to the bedroom I went , and there I found a beautifully set table with flowers and the good china . On the bed was a pretty little summery dress that I could slip on and be comfortable in yet look good at the same time ! Boy , does that husband of mine have great taste ! I changed into my dress , sat down at the pretty table , and poured myself a glass of wine from the bottle in the ice bucket that had miraculously appeared while I was in the closet . Suddenly soft music began playing and Jim appeared in the doorway with a satisfied grin on his face . " Are you enjoying this so far honey ? " he asked . " What pocket ? " I thought . But I went in and began feeling around in every suit , jacket , and coat pocket I could find . I hit the jackpot when I stuck my hand in the pocket of my winter coat . Something long and narrow and bumpy - felt like a bracelet of some sort . I savored the moment as I tried to figure out exactly what it was , then pulled out a breathtaking diamond bracelet ! I can 't even begin to say how surprised I was - it was the last thing on earth I would have expected ! As much as I hated doing chores when I was a little girl , I look forward to those early morning trips to the barn to feed the hogs and milk the two cows my mom insists be kept so they always have fresh milk and cream . Mmmmm , nothing like fresh cream in your coffee - real cream ! And , a hot cinnamon roll fresh out of the oven . Both would be waiting for us when we finished seeing to it that all of the animals were fed and watered . As I listened to the music of Moo 's milk hitting the bucket I kept noticing that Big Mama standing next to us was awfully restless . " Take it easy Big Mama . I 'm going as fast as I can here . What are you so antsy about anyway ? " I kept up my chatter hoping to calm Big Mama enough to finish up with Moo . I patted Big Mama on the head and started to check her out to make sure everything was okay . She just seemed a little skittish , not sick in any way . I ran my hand across her back and down her flank . Everything fine there . Then I knelt down beside her to make sure she didn 't have some sort of inflammation of her udders . That 's when I burst out laughing and reached out to remove the loosely tied ribbon that held a tiny little foil - wrapped package swinging in the air . " Richard , you goofball , you 're making Big Mama a nervous wreck ! " I laughed as he walked over to pat Mama on the side , shushing to calm her down . Sue just got flowers . . . Becky just got a balloon bouquet . . . oooh , and a candy bouquet for Sara ! I decided to take a quick break and go for a walk to blow off a little steam . It was near lunchtime ; maybe I 'd treat myself to a special Valentine 's Day lunch . As I walked out the door of my office building , I was approached by a mime . I had seen him " working the street " the past few weeks and got a kick out of his silent antics . Today he seemed to sense my blue mood and walked right up to me . As I reached out to take them , he grasped my hand and opened it , palm flat . He took the flowers , gave them a little shake above my hand , and out dropped a ring . Thinking this was a continuation of his entertainment , I picked it up to examine it , and found it to be a curiously real - looking opal surrounded by tiny diamonds . This guy must be getting some great tips ! A hand reached out and touched my arm , and there stood my husband , Richard , smiling with the pleasure of a small child . " Honey , " he said , " that ring is for you . Happy Valentine 's Day . I love you . " When Valentine 's Day arrived last year with no bouquet of flowers and no mention of dinner , I wasn 't just hurt , I was worried ! What was wrong with our marriage ? Or with me ? Or with Jake ? By the end of the day I couldn 't wait to get home and find out what was going on ! I left my office in a rush , pulling on my jacket as I walked out the front door . Head down to search for my car keys , I ran straight into the driver who was waiting to escort me to the limousine idling at the curb . He opened the door and guided me gently toward the outstretched hand of my husband Jake . For a change I was speechless as Jake took my hand in his and held it in his warm embrace . " Honey , I thought after 17 years of celebrating Valentine 's Day in exactly the same way it was time for a change . I hope you don 't mind . " At that he reached down to the seat beside him and retrieved a red velvet jewelry case . Opening it very slowly , he revealed a necklace of diamonds that sparkled in the candlelight like a sky full of glittering stars . It literally took my breath away ! Our family celebrates Christmas with a vengeance . . . gifts overflowing beneath the tree like we 're the richest people on earth . In abundance of love we are rich ; in money we 're not exactly drowning in it ! But we enjoy a Christmas tradition of buying each other small , entertaining gifts throughout the year so we have lots of presents when we get home from church on Christmas morning . On Christmas morning we were having the time of our lives laughing and teasing each other about the outrageous gifts we had each received . David had even gotten his share of funny gifts and managed to sneak in a few of his own . He had given my Mom a potholder shaped like a pig and my Dad an apron saying " Kiss the Cook " . Everyone in the room burst out laughing when I opened the box he had wrapped so carefully to conceal a pair of bedroom slippers shaped like big elephant heads . " These are so adorable ! " I said as I took my old slippers off to replace them with the new ones . I pulled the first elephant head onto my right foot and waggled it at him with a big grin . Then I pulled the second slipper on but " Ouch ! " There was something stuck in there ! I reached in to see what it was . As I pulled out a sparkling diamond engagement ring , David knelt down in front of me and took it from my hand . My girlfriend Emily and I had been dating for several years . We had both recently graduated from college and had embarked on our careers out in the " real world . " A few weeks into our new jobs we were both feeling a little overwhelmed by reality and I suggested that we do something out of the ordinary to lighten us up a bit . However , I had an ulterior motive that night . . . We hopped in my car with no particular destination in mind , or so Emily thought , and headed toward the outskirts of town . The county fair was in full swing , and as we passed the fairgrounds , Emily turned to me and said , " I want to go ride the rides ! " Just like a little girl . That 's one of the things I love about her so much , and just exactly what I had hoped would happen . We paid our admission at the gate and Emily immediately grabbed my hand and dragged me off to the Tilt - a - Whirl . She loves the " wild " rides and laughed and shrieked like a kid as we twirled around and around . As we staggered off , I told her that it was my turn to choose . The ride slowed every few seconds as the operator let more passengers on , while Emily and I cuddled with contented smiles on our faces . Then we really got going . We went around and around quite a few times , until I was beginning to think the operator hadn 't understood after all . Finally we gradually began to slow down until Emily & I surveyed the world from the top of the Ferris Wheel . I reached into my pocket and took her left hand in mine . " Emily , my love , will you be my wife ? " I asked as I slid a diamond engagement ring on her finger . After renting a questionable - looking old truck , Fred hired a couple of men to deliver the wooden crate laden with official stamps and addresses to Mary 's home . Mary 's father answered the door and signed for the box , yelling , " Mary , there 's a box out here for you . What in the heck did you buy now ? " Excitement levels ran high , particularly for Mary , her mother , and her sister . They became increasingly frustrated with George as he took his own sweet time to open the box . He pried the lid open one nail at a time . Finally opened , he gently removed the lid and set it on the floor . " What going on here ? " she laughed , pulling on the circular , hat - like object . Up popped Fred with a big smile on his face . " Mary , you are the most beautiful , kind , caring person I 've ever known , and I 'd like to spend the rest of my life with you . . . will you marry me ? " There stood Joe , a cellular phone propped on his shoulder as he continued to speak to her , a bottle of champagne in his right hand , and a beautifully gift - wrapped box holding a diamond bracelet in his left . As he handed her the gift he said , " Our anniversary celebration begins right now . Happy Anniversary sweetheart , I love you " . I will never forget my first Mother 's Day . . . breakfast in bed complete with a rose in a bud vase , waited on hand and foot all day , dinner out . . . you name it I had it . Now that 's what Mother 's Day is all about , right ? Wrong ! That lasted about two years and then our lives became so bogged down with everyday responsibilities I just never felt I could take a whole day to pamper myself . Maybe breakfast in bed would be squeezed in , but that lasted about fifteen minutes and was accompanied by kids and dogs , all anxious to take advantage of my perceived " trapped " state tucked under the covers with a tray precariously balanced on my lap . I reached out to take the flowers with what I 'm sure can only be described as a look of shock . " Thank you young man " I replied as I accepted them , " would you like to come in for a cup of coffee ? I 'm afraid I don 't have any change for a tip . " " Why , yes , thank you ma ' am . I 'd like that very much . Delivering flowers is much harder than most people realize you know . " Ronnie joined me in the living room as I sat the flowers on the coffee table and went to get us each a cup of coffee . When I returned , he had removed his delivery man 's cap and was gently rearranging the flowers , all three of the kids watching on with happy grins . " Why look here ! There 's something stuck down in these flowers ! " he exclaimed as though surprised . At that , he dropped all pretenses and extracted a small golden box and held it in his hand , saying , " Janice , I 'm afraid I 'm very guilty of getting so wrapped up in everyday things that I don 't take the time to tell you what a terrific wife and mother you are . Mother 's Day slides by with barely an acknowledgement , but today I 'm going to take advantage of the occasion to show you my appreciation . " He was joined by a chorus of enthusiastic " Happy Mother 's Day Mommy . We love you ! " from the kids . I watched as he opened the lid of the box and removed a Mother 's ring with birthstones for each of our children and slid it on my right ring finger . " Thank you sweetheart for all that you do . I apologize for not saying it often enough , but it 's always something I 'm aware of . I love you very much . " On Christmas morning , Sam sipped his coffee and watched patiently as the kids tore into their gifts with great enthusiasm , " oohing " and " aahing " over all the fun stuff . Shelly took great pleasure from unwrapping each of her packages precisely as she prolonged the enjoyment of each gift . There was a nice blouse from her Mom , a very pretty outfit from Sam ( which she had picked out herself ) , some cute handmade gifts from the kids , and various odds & ends from her friends and family . Sam quietly enjoyed opening his gifts but was more interested in watching everyone else . When it seemed as though there were no more gifts under the tree , Sam reached way back and handed Shelly one last package . It was heavy , too heavy to be those earrings to match the necklace he 'd surprised her with eons ago . Unwrapping the box , she pulled out , of all things , a blender . Well , after all , he was a practical man . He did love her and this showed it . . . she guessed . " Open it " he said , " this is the best one on the market . " Opening the box , she pulled the blender out and saw that it contained a lavishly gift - wrapped little box , and she began to feel butterflies in her stomach . She reached down in and pulled the box out . When she opened it , she found her matching pair of diamond earrings . Tears welled up in her eyes as she looked at Sam . He matched her teary gaze as he said , " Honey , I love you . Merry Christmas . " |
The sun was shining this morning . There was no forecast of rain for the day . Oregon and Washington are still battling wild fires . There is just no help from Mother Nature . We went to Costco at about 11 : 00 this morning . While Bill was getting gasoline for the Honda I went into the store to buy soft blankets . I had seen them a couple of days ago . I was glad they were still available . I guess most people don 't wrap in a blanket all the time like I do . After going to NW RV and not getting the parts we wanted , we went to the Duck Store at the stadium . I think I am finished with my " Duck " shopping . At wince , I saw a young , pregnant woman with a U of O t - shirt . It said , " I 'm not expecting a baby . It 's a duck . " There are lots of serious Duck fans out there ! I got a call this afternoon from Brent . He had some good news . On Friday , he had an MRI and today he went to see his brain doctor . She said everything was the same , which is very good news . Brent was happy because now that he has shared this information with us , we won 't send him five yappy puppies . That is a long standing threat for those who don 't share important information with the family . Brent and Willie are safe for the next six months ! We had planned to be out and about by 9 : 30 so we could be at Costco when they opened at 10 : 00 . Well , it didn 't work out that way . We had some early morning phone calls that we needed to take time with , so we were didn 't leave the MH until 11 : 15 . Bill knew what he was going into Costco for , so it didn 't take him very long . I stayed in the car , which made it even faster . For several months , he has been looking for a dash cam for the MH . We found one yesterday , so Bill read about it on the Internet last night and decided it sounded OK . Today he bought it and spent time reading the instructions . Our next stop was at Ben Franklin Craft Store . I spent quite a few minutes looking at the displays . It is really a good store . Their bead selection is huge , but I resisted tempetation . I need to put everything else on hold until I finish Brent 's quilt . Just before I finished my shopping tour of Ben 's rain started to fall . It was raining fairly hard for awhile , but it had slowed somewhat by the time I was ready to go to the car . We ate lunch at Taco Bell before returning home for some rest time . We went to Walmart for some basic food items and then we headed for home . We actually had rain during the night . And some lightening and thunder . The rain was really needed . This part of the country has been bone dry . We moved the motorhome from Country Coach in Junction City to OMC in Eugene . We were able to park the MH in anticipation of our air conditioner appointment on Tuesday . We went to Costco for lunch and just a little bit of shopping . By the time we got back home we were both very tired . Naps helpedthat situation . I felt better after a snooze so I cut Bill 's hair . He was in desperate need . Sara might be asking him why he had girl hair . When she was three she asked about a biker dude who had really long hair . Brent was very glad the guy didn 't punch out his lights . For those of you who know Sara , you know how hard it was to shut her up , and she really wanted to know . . . " why did he have girl hair ? " Oh , my ! We have several errands to go on tomorrow if there is enough energy between the two of us . Lately , that 's a big IF ! We were up not long after 7 : 00 , getting ready for the motorhome to go in the shop . The oil sending unit wire had giggled loose and the batteries weren 't getting the message that it was time to charge . . . I think ! Some kinds of charging are easy and some kinds aren 't . We went to McDonald 's for breakfast after the coach was safely in the shop . We spent most of the morning in the waiting room . Bill visited with other coach owners . He also spent some time on his computer . I was reading a mystery . Now I have one more book to donate to Goodwill . We had the service department order the two front air bags . They will ship them to Loveland after they arrive in Junction City . Bill was really tired when we got back to the MH . All that talking can just wear a guy out , so after eating a quick lunch , we rested . We drove into Eugene so I could get a haircut . Now I have just a little more hair than the nearly bald guy who is my room mate . I am getting ready for the Arizona desert . Now my hat 's will fit better ! Before going back home we stopped at KFC for a chicken pot pie to share for dinner . We have had predictions of rain for today , but it never did materialize . Tonight , the moon looked different . Oh , it still looked like a round piece of cheese , but there was some haze involved . It might be smoke from some the fires in the area . Most likely it is dust from the fields being plowed . There is a lot of that going on around here . This morning was spent getting our Dish problems taken care of . I spent most of the time on the sofa , wrapped in a blanket , reading a book . The young man , Lance , doing the work is 19 . He has been installing satellites since he was 12 . There are two business locations . . . Junction City that Lance runs , and Palm Springs that his dad ( the owner of the company ) runs that location . I asked Lance if his dad taught him not to say " oops " if something went wrong . He said that actually that was one of the things he learned over the years . We went for a late lunch at McDonald 's . When we got back to the motorhome , Lance was finished . He had several changes in the new system that he went over with Bill . We moved the MH to the back lot of Country Coach where there are several spots with hookups . At 8 : 00 tomorrow morning , they will work on our oil sender . Yesterday , as we were driving out toward Junction City , a small deer ran in front of us and leaped over a fence . It was a thing of beauty and grace . Bill went to McDonald 's this morning to get breakfast . . . pancakes and sausage . As soon as we finished eating , we battened down the hatches , hoisted the anchor , and " set sail " for Eugene , just a few miles away . We parked at the Eugene Elks Lodge . After getting the MH settled in , we started our errands . First we drove to Junction City to the " farm " where we had the coach worked on last year . Although we won 't get any work done there this year , we did get to see several of the workers that we have known from the last couple of years . We went to Country Coach to get an appointment to have the oil sending units changed out . That work will be done on Friday . We also made an appointment at Premier for the Dish to be worked on tomorrow . Our last stop before Taco Bell for lunch , was at OMC . Our Tuesday appointment is set to get new air conditioner units installed . Bill wanted to see if the units had arrived . They haven 't , but we were assured that they will be here on time . Keep your fingers crossed ! I did some book work while Bill did our laundry . After everything was folded and put away it was time for naps . Yea ! Bill woke me at 6 : 00 . . . boo , hiss ! . . . because he thought I might not be able to sleep tonight . Ugh ! This morning , as we left the campground , Bill and I were both singing with Willie Nelson : " On the road again . . . " It was after 10 : 00 . It took a few minutes to say goodbye to Todd , Bonnie , and the two little dogs . Both dogs have really taken a shine to Bill , especially little Maggie . Anytime she had a chance to get into our motorhome , she was there to stay . To get her out , Bonnie would have to bodily remove her . I think they will really miss us being next door . We drove south on I - 5 and went to the Keizer Elks Campground . They were full , so we went on south to the Springfield Elks Lodge and parked for the night . We drove over to the Eugene Elks Lodge to see if they had any room . They did so we will go there in the morning and see if there is still a spot for us . It is a better location for the places we need to go . We brought home Panda Express for dinner . When we were at the Oregon City Elks Campground , our Dish wasn 't working . We parked here in Springfield and it still wouldn 't work . Tomorrow , we will have to do some searching for the answer to our problem . We went to Costco . The first thing Todd wanted to do was eat lunch . Of course , none of the rest of us voted against him . It had been awhile since I had a Polish hot dog at Costco . That 's been a favorite of mine for many years . I don 't know if my taste buds have changed , but it wasn 't as good as I remembered . The bun wasn 't very fresh and the hotdog lacked the usual taste . I think my " taster " is getting old . . . just like the rest of me . Verizon was too busy , so we went to Bobby and Val 's house . They are Todd and and Bonnie 's son and daughter - in - law . Bobby was at work , but we got to see Val . And her four month old granddaughter was there . I had heard about how happy she was , and they hadn 't exaggerated . She was all smiles . It had been a long time since I had held a baby , and it was wonderful ! That was the best medicine for me . We went to Fred Meyer for a few groceries and to Dollar Tree for some mango juice for me . On our way back to the campground , we stopped at a produce place for peaches , plums , and bananas . As soon as we got back to the MH , I took a nap . I was way down on energy . At 8 : 00 , we went to Todd and Bonnie 's MH to visit and watch a TV program . Tomorrow , we head south for work on the motorhome . We have had a good visit with them , and with Dwight and Sheila , and Bobby and Val . It was good for us to come back up here for this extra time while waiting for our MH appointment . We got off to a late start this morning . Dwight and Sheila came to bring us a funny DVD . It was " The Pacifier , " and it was funny . Todd and Bonnie came over to watch it with us . Bonnie and I went to a dalilah farm right after lunch . The flowers were beautiful . We did a lot of walking . I had my walker , but I only had to stop and sit to rest twice . The smoke was heavier today . We didn 't hear a fire report , but it seems to be much more smoke now . When we get back in the Eugene area in a couple of days we will be able to use the satellite dish for local news . We both have missed having the use of Dish . The celebration here at the Elks Lodge ended last night . Most of the RVs left this morning . It is rather quite tonight . Nice ! Bill did a repeat performance of yesterday . . . walk with Todd and come home for a nap . Naps seem to do him a lot of good . He made really good oatmeal for breakfast . Dwight and Sheila called just before noon from Woodburn and wanted to come by for a visit if we were going to be home . We were , so they came ! We sat outside and visited . Todd and Bonnie plus the two dogs joined us . Bill was showing Dwight our bug zapper . Lexie was alarmed by the sound it made . She took refuge on Sheila 's lap . She felt very safe with her choice of protectors . We spent quite a bit of time rehashing travel stories , mostly about our Mexico travels and conventions we have all gone to . All of us are geocachers and there are wild stories about that , also . I am having memory problems sometimes so Sheila has to prod my brain from time to time . The air was smoky all day . Bonnie reported that there were fires not too far from where we are parked . We are back in the woods quite a bit , and it might be a chore to evacuate if that becomes necessary . Let 's hope for the best . There were two different musical groups playing at the Elks gathering tonight . We had a ringside seat for the whole program . When I woke up at 8 : 30 , Bill was taking a nap on the sofa . He and Todd had already gone for an early morning walk . I was cold , so I got back in my warm bed . I didn 't wake up until 10 : 30 . I love retirement ! We were surprised by a visit from Jay and Marki , former racing buddies from Portland . We hadn 't seen them for a long time . They had bought a house in Seaside , but I think they sold it about the time we moved into our motorhome fulltime . They have a house in the Chandler , AZ area . Hopefully , we will see them this winter . The Camby Fair is in progress now , so we went with Todd and Bonnie . We had a really good time . We went to the display of baked items , quilts , sewing projects , and paintings . There were lots of food booths where we got snacks and listened to music while we ate . Todd , Bill , and I found a shady place to rest while Bonnie went to the display of 4H things . I walked around the area of the rides . Every place was busy . We all met back at the shady place and decided it was perhaps time to go home . Two of us aren 't use to that much walking . A little bit of " fair " goes a long way with Bill . I 'm sure Bonnie would have liked to stay longer and see more displays , but she knew Todd and I had pushed ourselves to the limit . The fair was a lot of fun . Bill and I were very glad to have been able to go with Todd and Bonnie . On the way home , we stopped at McDonald 's for ice cream . At 6 : 00 , we went to the Elks Lodge for hamburgers . While we ate at a picnic table , we visited with people going by . This is a very friendly group of people . I doubt that I will have any trouble sleeping tonight . I have done a lot of walking . Not long after getting up and dressed , Dwight and Sheila called to see if we were going to be receiving guests this morning . The answer was an immediate " yes . Y ' all come . " We haven 't seen them for awhile . They have been off on a geocaching adventure in the Seattle area . They really do enjoy caching . After leaving us at noon , they were heading for Salem to hunt for a special puzzle cache . Todd and Bonnie went to meet friends in Washington . They wanted to get together before T and B head for Yuma and the friends start traveling East . Bonnie came to see if we would keep an eye on their pups . After Dwight and Sheila left , Bill went to get the dogs to give them a potty break . The feisty little one , Lexie , knew things were different and sat by Bill to try to figure out what was going on . Maggie , who has a crush on Bill , ran around in front of the motorhomes for awhile . When Bill told her is was time to go back inside , she went to our MH . He had to redirect her several times . She was really confused . They were playing in the grass by the picnic table when Todd and Bonnie came home . Lexie heard their car before any of the rest of us did and got excited . Maggie didn 't have much of a clue as to what was happening . After such a warm day yesterday , today it was cool . . . 79 ° was the high . That was a relief after yesterday 's 100 ° . We must have had a cloud cover move in , because it was very dark at bedtime . Usually there are lights or a moon or something to add a bit of light . Bill , Todd , and little Lexie went for an early morning walk . They took a carrot to the llama who lives down the road toward the highway . The llama didn 't want to eat the carrot while Bill was standing there . So Bill walked off , Todd put the carrot on a post , and the llama ate the carrot . So if we are ever attacked by a herd of llamas , we need to be sure that Bill is there to protect us . I went back to sleep and so did Bonnie . That 's the best way to deal with a llama , eh ! We invited Todd , Bonnie , and the pups to dinner . We fixed Chicken Enchiladas in the crock pot . They were very good , but the crock pot really heated the house up . The temp today was 100 ° . Our one air conditioner was struggling to keep us cool . We are glad that we have made the decision to have both ACs replaced . Both dogs wanted a treat . After a while , I asked them who wanted a treat . Lexie started turning circles so I asked her where the threats were . She stopped zooing around and looked at the drawer where I keep them . She 's one smart little puppy . As far as I know , we don 't have anything special to do tomorrow . If it is hot again , I plan to stay inside in front of a fan , and do book work . We decided we needed to do a few more errands today . We meant to go back to Camby , but Bonnie suggested that we go to Clackamas Town Center . It had been a long time since we had been there . The area has continued to grow over the years . New stores have been built around the outside of the main structure . And the area across the street to the south has about quadrupled since we were here last . We ate lunch at Panera Bread . Bonnie and I both had soup and bread . Bill and Todd had sandwiches . . . ham , turkey , bacon , and cheese . The bread on Todd 's sandwich was so tough he had a hard time eating it . Bill brought half of his sandwich home for me to have for supper . ( It was very dry . . . no mayo , etc . ) We drove across the street to Verizon . I have been having some problems with my phone . I am hoping they were able to solve my issues . I have been thinking of getting a new phone , but I will see if this one can last a little while longer . Bonnie went to PetSmart to get food for the dogs and I needed to go to US Bank to pay our VISA bill . I am still having trouble getting online to take care of some of our business accounts . On the way back to the RV Park , we stopped at Fred Meyer to get Todd 's Rx . We were tired when we got home , but it was fun to have Todd and Bonnie to run around with . They know the area much , much better than we do . They lived here for years , and since going full - time , have spent the summer months here at various Elks camp grounds . I was cold this morning . That 's a good excuse to turn the electric blanket back on and stay in bed . . . as if I needed an excuse ! At 1 : 00 , we went to Woodburn . We had several things to do over there . First was to eat lunch . We went to Subway . Bill and I shared our favorite . . . a meatball sub . I couldn 't eat all of mine , but the part I did eat was really good . After eating , Bonnie and I walked about a half block to the Dollar Tree . It was a big one . . . in an old Safeway building . . . and well laid out . Bill and Todd sat in the car and waited for us . The plan was for them to drive down to get us . But no - o - o - o - o ! They missed that part of the conversation . With both of them it was " selective deafness . " An there is no cure for that ! Our last stop in Woodburn was at Walmart . I had an Rx to pick up , plus there were several grocery items to buy . Bill wanted to go back to Camby via US 99 . Todd and Bonnie lived in Camby before they moved into their motorhome fulltime . They have been on the road about the same length of time as we have . Bonnie directed us to a thrift store . The two of us went in to shop while the fellows stayed in the car . It wasn 't long before Bill came in to remind me that we had bought a container of ice cream at Walmart . He can be such a spoil sport ! I think we all took naps . At least Bill and I did . We went to Todd and Bonnie 's MH to watch a show they had been telling us about . It was a physical contest . We found the program to be very interesting . None of us were tempted to try to get on the program . It 's not for wimps ! I was a little more " alive " today . I got some tasks accomplished and it felt good to not be a total bum . I had a stack of stuff that needed to be filed . Now I can actually see the top of the desk . Wow ! The weather today was nice . However , I didn 't go outside the coach . I did take an afternoon nap and for me , that usually takes two or three hours of my time . I seem to be feeling better today than for the last week or so . I talked to JP tonight . He and Rosie had a good trip to Las Vegas . JP said they had some great meals . I said we had great meals at the wedding and it was time for me to count a calorie or two . Vegas would have been my undoing . We do , however , visit In - N - Out when we are there . That isn 't such a novelty anymore , because they are adding a few around the western part of the country , but for " old times sake " we still like to go to one of the original ( for us ) ones . Today was a sleep day for me . Bill fixed a really good breakfast this morning . He had to wake me up to eat , but he said I could go back to sleep after I finished eating . At that point , I was cold so I turned my electric blanket on to high , covered myself with a thick blanket , and crawled back into bed . I don 't remember what time it was , but at 2 : 00 , Bill woke me to tell me we had company . Ardene and Bill are friends from Yuma who are from this area originally . It was really good to see them . We hadn 't seen them for nearly two years , because we didn 't get to go to Yuma last year . I was too busy " entertaining " myself in the hospital . We have known them for a long time . Their grandson , Brandon . has been my special friend since he was about six . He is now 14 , and playing football in high school . He has been getting older , but I haven 't . How does that happen ? When Ardene and Bill left at 4 : 00 , I took a nap on the sofa . I did tell you it was a sleep day for me , didn 't I ? Tonight , we had dinner with Todd and Bonnie . And of course , the pups were there . I am enjoying having them around . They are extra special pets . . . Lexie and Maggie . Todd and Bonnie are special , too , but neither of them will let me scratch their tummies ! Imagine that ! Bill went to do the laundry at 7 : 00 . I went back to bed , but didn 't go to sleep . When Bill got back home , we folded clothes and got things " ready to roll . " After stopping at Walmart for a prescription ( which wouldn 't be ready until mid afternoon ) , we took I - 5 to the north toward Oregon City Elks Campground . It is two weeks until we have to be back at OMC in Eugene for the air conditioner work . Todd and Bonnie are still parked there so it will be a fun place to spend our extra time . And I 'm sure I need a puppy fix . I 've been showing some signs of depression even though I am taking medication for it . Their dogs always cheer me up . I hope it works this time . Maybe with some luck , we will get to do some geocaching . We like to do it , but its not easy when I don 't feel well . Friends Nancy and Bill came to the campground shortly after we drove in . It was after 1 : 00 , but none of us had eaten lunch . We went to Shari 's . The best thing was the pie . The clam chowder was OK , but I had to really search to find any clams . I took a nap when we got back home . When I woke up , company had come . . . Bonnie and two very cute little dogs . The dogs immediately started trying to remember where the treats were . Yes , I am a " spoiler " of most of the dogs I run into . That 's my mission in life . Miles traveled today . . . 111 . Posted by August 13 , 2015 - - - Rest Area , MM 790 CA to Eugene Elks LodgeSuper Driver said we were on the road at 6 : 25 this morning . You couldn 't prove it by me . I was still asleep . It was a blue sky day when we went over the Siskiyous . Bill honked when we went across the state line into Oregon . I woke up long enough to yell a good " yahoo . " State line celebrations can certainly mess up my nap time . We stopped at Seven Feathers Casino to eat our breakfast and let Bill have a break from driving . And then it was back on the road heading for Eugene . We parked at The Eugene Elks Lodge . After Bill took a short nap , we set off on errands , etc . It was well past noon , so our first stop was at McDonald 's for lunch . We drove toward Junction City , stopping at OMC on the way . Bill had hoped we could get an earlier appointment for the new air conditioners for the Motorhome . No such luck ! They did put us on the list in case something earlier comes open . In Junction City , Bill checked at Country Coach to see about having the front air bags installed . He has to measure the old ones to see if the new ones will fit . If they are the size we need , the work can be done sometimes the last week of August . Before returning home , we did a little bit of shopping at a . We got quite a bit of fruit , plus some candy from their bulk section . Today we drove 211 miles . August 12 , 2015 - - - Corning to Rest Area , MM 790 CA We didn 't get on the road until 9 : 20 . Most of the trucks were out of the parking lot by then , however , another Taylor Swift truck was there , making a total of three . I wonder where her next concert is . Since we won 't be going , I guess it doesn 't really matter . We stopped for lunch at a Rest Area in the Lake Shasta area . Mt . Shasta had very little snow left on it . It looks very dry around here . Hopefully they will get more snow this winter . It is desperately needed . Today was the day Connor was to go off to college . He has really been looking forward to this day . He is going to Colorado Mesa University in Grand Junction . We stopped at the first Rest Area at Mile Marker 790 on I - 5 in Northern Colorado . It is our favorite Rest Area . . . large , with lots of green grass , and right on the Klamath River . It is a peaceful place to stop and rest . Miles traveled today , 160 . We left Camping World at 8 : 00 . I was still very sleepy so I lay on the couch and covered with a blanket . When I awakened we were parked at Walmart , Bill had gone to Costco for gasoline for the Honda , and been into Walmart for a few groceries . I was so surprised at how much more I had slept . Bill correctly calls me a lazy bum ! We drove to Interstate 5 and turned north . I don 't know if I have mentioned it or not , but we decided we needed to replace both air conditioners . We want the work done at OMC in Eugene . So here we go ! Bill needs to see Dr . Hunnicut , so as soon as the air conditioner work is finished , we will head east . Just back and forth , back and forth ! That 's the story of our life and we still have fun at it . We had a really good time at JP and Rosie 's wedding . And it was wonderful seeing our kids and one grandchild . Today I have been kind of down in the dumps , missing everyone already . We parked in back of the gas station at the casino . There is a huge lot for trucks and motorhomes that want to dry camp . While we were watching semis come in , two different trucks arrived . They were both painted with pictures of Taylor Swift and words about her world tour . I can 't remember ever seeing trucks like that , but we have seen lots of NASCAR haulers over the years . 270 miles traveled today . At 8 : 30 , Bill and I went to the rental house to give out " goodbye " hugs . JP and Rosie came to join in the " hugfest . " We had such a wonderful time . It was a beautiful , fun event . The wedding was yesterday , August 9 . I was playing catch up with my blog and couldn 't stay up to report on all the festivities . So here goes . . . the bride came down the staircase at 3 : 00 . She had a beautiful , lace dress . It was a simple design and suited Rosie perfectly . The celebration lasted until 9 : 00 . That might have been difficult to handle if she had had yards and yards of lace and a train . As it was , she was " comfortable " as well as beautiful throughout the night . I told JP he cleaned up really nicely . And he did . He looked very handsome in his three piece suit . You can tell that I was very proud of them both . The five attendants wore full length light blue dresses . They all looked beautiful and the groomsmen looked handsome in their suits . Because we have had the privilege of being involved in JP 's life these last 25 years , we knew most of the groomsman . It was kind of like a reunion . After the ceremony , which was outdoors , the chairs were rearranged and tables set up . The small table was placed in the arbor which Rosie 's mother had decorated with a variety of flowers . The weather was perfect and so was the setting . We were served canapés , drinks , salad , slices of chicken and beef , with rice and garlic mashed potatoes . It was all very elegant . Dessert was wedding cake and the cupcakes that we had frosted . There was recorded music . We had told JP and Rosie some of our favorites . Mine was " Misty . " When it began to play , I looked at JP and he gave me a thumbs up . That was a special moment between a grandma and her " oh so special " grandson . There was dancing . The music was too loud , but we knew how to turn it down , which we had to do several times . Unfortunately , I wasn 't up to dancing , but I enjoyed watching . I know I may have omitted things and got others mixed up , because my memory is sketchy . But I can tell yoPosted by Saturday morning was a busy day for us . JP , Rosie , and Natalia came to the rental house where Meredith , Michelle , Connor , Dwaine , Brent , and Courtney were staying . They had fixed a very good breakfast for all of us . With happy tummies , we started on a project . JP and Rosie had made cupcake , which we frosted , some with chocolate frosting and some with vanilla frosting . They were to be on the cake table in tiered holders . There also was a three tiered cake decorated with a variety of fresh flowers . We drove to Santa Cruz where Meredith and Dwaine had arranged for a boat ride . There was a story connected to the boat trip . . . Meredith and Dwaine had a friend several years ago who wasdying of cancer . He had no family and Meredith and Dwaine basically took care of his needs for quite a long time . Yesterday , they took his ashes out onto the ocean about a mile off shore . Meredith had some rose petals which she spread out on the water as Dwaine spread Ted 's ashes out to sea . It was a very nice , peaceful thing to do . I said I had never known Ted , I had heard about him and knew he was a wonderful person loved by many friends . I was the only one who had things to say about Ted , so I was glad that I shared some things about him . The boat took us a mile off shore and then went up the coast and back before going back to the landing . It was a nice comforting thing to have happen and I was glad I could be a part of it . We went back to the rent house to rest before going to the rehearsal dinner . We were served several courses . The first thing we were served was pretzels with a vegetable dip . Next thing was a salad and then a main course of chicken and filet mignon . Dessert was chocolate mousse . Posted by We drove around the area for awhile before going to breakfast at a very nice restaurant . We sat at an outside area with a view of the ocean . It was so nice and relaxing . And the food was great . We continued our tour of the area after eating . There are some very beautiful houses . . . and a lot of very rich people , obviously , living here . We went to Carmel by the Sea . Most of the group went for a walk on the beach . Michelle and I sat at one of the observation decks and watched all of the activity . JP , Rosie , and Natalia came mid afternoon . We were having grilled skirt steak , roasted potatoes , stir fried vegetables from Michelle 's garden , and boysenberry pie with ice cream for dinner . Everything was really good , as always , and we had a fun time sitting around the table . Bill and I made quick work of our morning duties and drove into San Jose . Colorado and Mississippi kids were flying in for JP and Rosie 's wedding . Brent and Courtney surprised the Colorado group by flying into Denver and going on their same flight all together . We met them all in San Jose at In - N - Out . Dwaine 's mother , who lives in San Jose , met us , also . We enjoyed lunch and visiting so much . It was great to see all of our " youngens . " Connor came also . They have rented a house in the Monterey area . We ate dinner over there and then Bill , Michelle , and I came back to the motorhome which is parked at a military famcamp operated by the Navy . It has been a busy day for all of us , so our celebration didn 't last very long after dinner . We decided , when we were greeted by a sunny day , that it would be a good day to geocache . We started " on the hunt " at about 10 : 30 . Our first location was at a city tennis court park . It involved going down a hill , crossing a flat area , and climbing up a steep grassy hill . I was able to navigate that part of the cache . We weren 't able , however , to find the " treasure " even though we searched for about 20 minutes . Going back toward the car was a challenge . I held onto Bill going down the steep part , but I was able to make it back to the car without more help . The next cache was at the edge of a cemetery . We parked about five feet from the cache . Bill found it rather quickly . Cache number three took us down a path to a rec . trail , where we had to walk about a quarter of a mile . While Bill was signing the log book , I decided to go off the trail for just a few feet to pick wild blackberries . Not too good of an idea . My balance has deteriorated these last couple of weeks and it didn 't improve toady . I came very near to falling in the bush . My cane was what saved me from getting into that very " stickery " situation . Super Hero came to my rescue at the last second . I was kind of shaky after that adventure , and I still had to climb up the steep path to get back to the car . We decided it was time to eat lunch . That usually perks me up , but not today . We decided to go home and rest . That was a good choice . We had pushed the limit further than we meant to . Yesterday at Walmart , we remembered to get applesauce . So that called for French Toast this morning . Its a good combination . After fueling at the truck stop south of Gilroy , we took Hwy . 121 to Watsonville . It had been about five years since we had traveled that road . There were lots of new strawberry fields , as well as raspberries under plastic covers . It was overcast here this morning . There was a fog bank over the ocean . We haven 't seen that in a long time . Although we travel to beautiful , interesting place , I find that I miss the ocean . Perhaps we will put Florida on our list for next year . That is , if it hasn 't washed away by then ! We parked at the Elks Lodge in Watsonville . We have stayed there on several occasions over the years , but since Michelle and her troops moved to Colorado , we haven 't been back to this area . The secretary that Bill had made friends with over the years said she wondered where we had gone to . She and Bill had news to catch up on when he checked us in at their camping area . After lunch , Bill went to the laundromat . We were in desperate need of some clean duds . I had a few things to do around the MH . When we had most things put away , we went to a Dollar Tree . Both of us needed some supplies from one of our favorite stores . While we were out , Bill wanted ice cream . We went to Mickey D 's where we usually get cones . This time we decided to get their $ 2 . 00 milkshake specials . . . vanilla for Bill and chocolate for me . I am sorry to report that neither of us thought our shakes were very good . We won 't get those again ! We got the house ready to roll and left Walnut Creek at 9 : 30 this morning . An hour and a half later we parked at Camping World just off San Martin Road . A blue sky day with temperature not quite 70 ° . And no wind . This is the kind of day we think is just about perfect . After getting things squared away with the MH , we drove into Gilroy for lunch and some shopping at Walmart . Of course , we just had to go to In - N - Out . We know that all to soon we will be out of In - N - Out country . That will be hard to take . We really do like being In - N - Out groupies . After eating , we went to Walmart . We didn 't have a list written out . It was just in our heads . Now , that is scary . But it reminded me of a discussion Natalia and I had when she was about six . She had a really good memory and I asked her how she did it . She said she put sticky notes on her brain . I tried to follow her example , but my glue was just too old , I guess . It has stayed cool most of the day . That is nice . We really didn 't enjoy the 100 ° plus weather of a few days ago . I got some extra sleep this morning . . . until Bill called me to breakfast . He makes really good French toast . I had to suffer this morning , though , because we were out of apple sauce , but I survived . ( Insert sigh ! ) Just as I was finishing breakfast and getting dressed , Lori and the pups arrived . Tucker and Maddie rested for awhile , but woke up when I got treats out . Refreshed from their naps and when snack time was over , they got frisky . Our motorhome may be somewhat limited on space , but those two furry beasts got a good game of chase going . They rolled and tumbled and even did a little growling when they tried to show the audience who was winning . This puppy play went on for about 45 minutes . They were so cute . Tucker is usually a little to dignified to act that way , but he was really ready for a game this morning . Maybe he knew we planned to go further south tomorrow and wanted to leave happy memories for us . If that was the purpose , they were successful . Bill and I watched the NASCAR race after they left . I needed some more " shut eye . " When I woke up , the race had just finished . Shucks ! I didn 't get to see several drivers run out of gas . . . but not Jeff . He finished third ! Mario invited us over for dinner . Lori wasn 't there . He made salad and grilled hamburgers . We had a really good time visiting with him . And the hamburgers were really good . He mixed bleu cheese with the meat before cooking the the burgers . They were so good . This month started off with a pleasant temperature . No clouds in the sky , and no wind blowing . The Lodge was very busy , as usual . Lots of people were going in , most of them were carrying large plates and pans of food . We don 't know what the celebration was for . At noon , about 40 motorcycles came in . They were using a different door . I ask one of the drivers what was going on . She said they were having a wake for one of their members , who was a member of this Lodge . While they were waiting for the celebration to start , a priest went to each motorcycle , blessing it and sprinkling water on it . This was something I had never seen before . Hm - m - m - m - m ! Very interesting . Bill took me to Lori 's . She was going to a baby shower and there was a repairman scheduled to come fix her dryer . So I hung around waiting for him . He was finished with the repair job before she got back home . The dogs were not happy about having a stranger in the house , but they survived . When Lori got home , she took the dogs out for a quick walk . Then we watched a movie , 5 Floors Up , and had popcorn , too . Afterwards , we took Mexican take out back to the motorhome and ate dinner . We were both tired after such a busy day , so we tried to get to bed early . It worked for Bill , but not for me ! |
They were going to get married in the garden of their new house , once the carpenters finished working on it , of course . Bella would wear a white flowing dress and Riley , a fancy grey suit that he 'd picked out . For their honeymoon they would go to Italy because Riley always wanted to go there ; Bella 's mom would take care of the dogs . In a couple of years they would have kids , at least three , because Riley loved children and they 'd be the picture of a happy family . Bella would sell her Mustang and buy an SUV to cart around the kids . They 'd have barbeques in the backyard and maybe a horse or two in the old barn out behind the house . They would be happy , beautiful and carefree , living the life Riley always dreamed about . Except , it turned out , that Riley always dreamt of living the life of a vagabond , traveling the world with a raven haired photographer whose piercing blue eyes had him falling before he even asked Riley to take off with him . A week after they had moved into the new house , Riley left with a superficial sorry and ' this was never your dream anyway ' . Leaving Bella alone in the old two - story house , with the torn wallpaper , creaky floors , and barren rooms . Sure , he 'd invested an unhealthy lot of time into plotting their happy future life , but she 'd believed his fairy tales . Bella hadn 't had a clue that they were just stories he told her to survive another day being with her . He 'd called once , a couple weeks after leaving , giving her an earful of hurtful words , pissed off that she was drunk in the middle of the day . He 'd thought she would handle it better , that she was stronger than that , and she hadn 't known what to tell him . She 'd built her life around him and without him , there was nothing left . She sat on the run down couch in their - well - her , near empty living room , downing glass after glass of straight vodka until she passe 4 . She 'd fallen asleep on the couch again , her mouth tasted like something had died in it and her head was pounding dully . With a groan , she staggered to her feet , blinking against the harsh sunlight pouring in through the almost floor to ceiling windows . The doorbell chimed again , only it was more of a groan than a chime ; it was old and run down like the rest of the stupid house . " Good morning , Ma ' am , " the guy on the front step said with a near blinding grin , like he could tell that Bella was having anything but a good morning . " I 'm Edward Cullen . We 're here to start working on your house . " Bella shook her head slightly , wincing when it felt as if her brain was sloshing around in there , then she shrugged . " I … I don 't know . " 6 . " Well , never mind us , " Cullen said . " We 'll start on the second floor and work our way downward . There is a lot of work to be done . " Bella blinked . " I don 't think I have any coffee . " Cullen just grinned , flashing the package he had in his hand . " I do , " he said kindly , " and you look like a woman who could use a cup . " She barely recognized the woman looking back at her from the cracked bathroom mirror . Her hair was hanging in greasy strands around her face and she 'd lost so much weight that her face looked sunken in . The dark smudges underneath her eyes stood out in stark relief against her pale complexion , and she immediately understood why Cullen thought she looked like a woman that could use some coffee . She grimaced at the smell wafting off of her as she stepped out of her clothes ; she reeked like a wild animal . It was a wonder Cullen was even able to keep his face straight when he greeted the mess that was Bella right now . Had it been the other way around , she was pretty sure she would have stepped back and crossed herself . She could hear the workers milling around in one of the spare bedrooms , but there was no sign of Cullen as she stepped out of the bathroom . Feeling like an intruder in her own home , Bella walked along the creaky old floorboards , almost walking into Cullen as he came thundering down from the other way . The sexy carpenter stopped dead in his tracks when he caught sight of a wet and toweled Bella , his eyes flittering up and down her body . Bella fought the urge to look after him and continued towards the master bedroom . A stab of hurt wrenched her gut when she looked at the rumpled sheets of her four - poster bed ; she hadn 't slept in it since Riley left and she wondered if the pillows still smelled like him . She forced herself not to find out and opened the door to the closet instead . The empty shelves where Riley 's clothes had been glared at her , but she ignored them , finding a pair of panties and pulling them on . She let the towel drop to the floor and grabbed a bra and pulled her oldest pair of jeans on , the soft fabric feeling comforting against her skin . Riley had always been on her case , trying to get her to throw them away , but now she was glad she 'd kept them . She found a ratty old t - shirt with a frayed collar and pulled that on as well , amazed by the way it hung on her small frame . She must have lost ten pounds in the last three weeks , making her leaner than ever . She closed the closet door , looking at herself in the full - length mirror on the back . It wasn 't exactly a fashion statement , but at least it was better than the old sweats and the dirty t - shirt she 'd been wearing earlier . The lack of smell certainly helped , since she felt - and smelled - much better now . Bella made her way down the stairs , feeling a little more human and a lot less hungover . There was a rolling wave of emptiness inside her stomach though , telling her it needed feeding . She walked into the kitchen , breathing in the scent of freshly brewed coffee . Riley used to do that for her , make coffee to coax her out of bed in the mornings . She smiled over at Edward , watching as he used his tape measure on the kitchen windows , which were made of old wood and rotting . Bella found she couldn 't remember if she had felt as cold when Riley was still there , but lately the whole house seemed to be cold , especially at night . She supposed it could be the lack of body heat too , or the weight she 'd lost . Bella took a sip of the hot coffee , closing her eyes as the velvety liquid slid down her parched throat . It burned a little , probably due to the vodka she drank the night before . " No , " she answered after swallowing . " It 's fine . I can set my laptop up in any room . " Edward nodded , his piercing green eyes taking in her appearance . She had dark circles under her slightly bloodshot eyes , indicating that she had either been crying or drinking , possibly even both . " You work from home ? " Bella sat down at the breakfast bar , another thing that was going to be ripped out and replaced . Riley wanted black counter tops and pine wood cabinets . " Yeah , I 'm a writer , " she said , wishing she had thought to bring down a sweater . " Though , I haven 't written much these last few weeks . " Edward nodded and continued to watch her as he moved to the other window and measured it up . They were installing new PVC , double - glazed ones . He noticed how shadowed Bella 's hazel eyes were , and found himself wondering what had happened . When he had finished measuring up he turned to leave , to go upstairs with the others , but he stopped and turned back to Bella , who looked far too young to own such a house . He guessed her books must be fairly successful . He went over to his bag and pulled out a box that they had stopped off for on the way . Every morning on their way to work they stopped at a bakery so that they would have fresh donuts and rolls for lunch . He fished out the chicken salad roll that was meant for him and put it down in front of Bella . She really should get some grocery shopping done , maybe today she could be bothered to do it . She was running out of vodka too , but maybe it was time to stop moping . Riley had left her and it hurt like a bitch , but it wasn 't like she 'd benefit from turning herself into a drunk . " Uh . . . yeah . If he plays well with other dogs . . . I better pick my mutts up from my mom 's place or she 'll make them fat . " Bella let out a humorless laugh . " Yeah , " she said , running her hand through her still damp hair . " I haven 't been eating much . " 16 . Edward licked his lower lip and shrugged . There was something about this girl , something that made Edward want to take care of her , make sure she was alright . In some ways she seemed older than her twenty - three years , but in other ways she seemed very young still , perhaps even a little vulnerable . " I could give you a ride . I have to make a run to the hardware store anyway . " Edward nodded with a smile . " I actually prefer it . Working on building sites I got used to the coffee machines and this is what they use . Listen , take your time with that roll , I 'll just go tell the guys I 'm going out for a bit . " Jasper looked up from his task with a bright smile and a nod . He was a hard worker , someone who enjoyed what he did . He was the kind of guy who always had a smile on his face . " No problem . Just gonna get these walls stripped and then start on the windows . " 18 . Bella was standing in the hallway when Edward came downstairs , having put on a black hooded sweatshirt over her t - shirt . She looked good enough to eat and Edward had to admit Emmett might have a point , even if he was a total brat . Edward always fell for the girls he couldn 't have , or the ones that were bad news . Bella might actually be a bit of both , given the state she was in when he met her ; so he studiously ignored the little voice at the back of his mind that wanted to take care of the obviously lost writer . Edward winced . There was so much hurt and self - loathing in Bella 's voice . " So . . . he left ? " he asked . He 'd assumed that was what had happened as soon as the ghoul that was Bella had opened the door . Bella shrugged . " It 's life , I suppose . It 's been too easy up until now , it was time I got my share of the bad times . " " Two , " Bella replied with a slight smile as they pulled out of her drive and away from the old house . It was a shame , she genuinely loved that house , but she couldn 't live in it now . She 'd have to sell it once it was all done up and maybe get an apartment in town . 20 . Edward drove down the roads of Spring Creek in his pickup truck . He had an old Chevy for his everyday use , but he needed a truck for his work . The radio was on low , playing some shit that Emmett had tuned into on their way to work that morning . " I 've got a mutt named Jake . Had him for two years now . My dad actually found him when he was about six months old . We were doing up a house and found him squatting there . Don 't know if his previous owners lived there and left him or what . " Bella turned her head to look at Edward , suddenly feeling like she knew this guy . He was clearly also an animal lover , just like her . " So you took him in . " 21 . Bella sighed and wondered if maybe she should have taken four of the pain - killers this morning , her head wasn 't half mad at her . " Riley wanted to take Harper with him , can you believe that ? They 're both my dogs , and he 's the one who left . Harper will miss him , though . " " Oh yeah , " Edward confirmed , his eyes firmly on the road as he pulled into the parking lot of the hardware store . " I was with someone for a little over a year . It ended pretty badly . " " Thing is , I 'm not that guy . I would never do that . Didn 't even know she was married for a whole year , " Edward told her as he opened his door and stepped down . Bella stared after him , amazed , before mentally shaking herself and getting out too . Edward looked down at the keys in his hand . It was still , even two years later , painful for him to think about . " She worked half the week here and half the week in Magdalene . She had an apartment here , and a house , complete with a husband and a couple kids , over there . " Their visit to the hardware store was brief , Edward just picking up something he 'd ordered , telling the guy behind the counter to put it on his tab . The man that clearly knew Edward just nodded , busy with another customer . Bella had never really thought about the fact that she was living in a small town now , the kind of town where everyone knew each other . Bella looked around , it was a typical idyllic little town with maybe 5 , 000 inhabitants tops . She couldn 't imagine growing up in a tiny place like this . Her family had lived in the city , and had only moved here a few years back . Bella had moved into an apartment in the city and had only moved out here when she wanted to settle down , wanting to be near her family . " You like it ? " Edward let out a soft chuckle , ducking his head as he started the truck , " No , I 'm not . There have been a few girls that I 've dated , but nothing serious . Hey , Bella , I know this isn 't what you wanna hear right now , but it is true what they say about time . I mean , now I can actually see myself trusting someone again , you know ? " Bella looked at him hard . If anyone else would have just said that to her , she would have told them to butt out , that they didn 't know anything . But for some reason she actually found comfort in Edward 's words , already having found someone she trusted , which was completely insane , since she 'd known the guy for all of two hours . Despite what she said , it felt kind of nice when Edward put some apples in the cart , along with various vegetables and fresh milk , cheese , bread and eggs . It felt like someone still cared . " I don 't know how to cook this stuff , you know , " Bella warned him . Bella grimaced . " Yeah . . . Well . . . I freelance some as a journalist , write reviews for a few papers and such . I couldn 't live off my books alone . " " Well , " Bella said . " I 've never met a carpenter before . I admire guys that can , you know . . . work with their hands . I 'm hopeless , can hardly change a light bulb . " Bella actually found herself smiling as they went through the checkout . Her head was starting to feel better , the pills working their way through her system . " So how long do you think you 'll be working on the house ? " Bella asked as Edward helped carry the four shopping bags back to the truck . " It 'll probably take a couple of months . Beautiful house , " Edward informed her as he let them into the truck and started it . " My favorite kind of job , restoring something so old , with so much history . I 'd like to buy a place like that someday , do it up . " Bella turned to look at him as they pulled out of the parking lot and onto the road , she told Edward to follow the road south for now . " Really ? ' Cause I 'm looking to sell . " Bella just shrugged and looked out of the window . " I dunno . I 'm not sure I can live in it on my own , not without wondering what my life could have been like . Besides , I 'll be like a guppy in a shark tank in there . All I need is a bed , a couch and a desk . " They talked about all and nothing on the way , conversation flowing smoothly between them . It was weird how they just took to each other , after half an hour they were basically finishing each other 's sentences . Edward hadn 't experienced anything like it since kindergarten , at least not in this way . Sure , he 'd experienced instant attraction a couple of times , but this wasn 't really attraction , it was more like instant comfort , or friendship . 27 . Bella wasn 't stupid . She had purposefully planned to pick the dogs up now , while her parents were at work . She loved them , but she really couldn 't sit through another lecture on taking care of herself . The dogs took to Edward right away . Bella guessed it was because he had one of his own , but that didn 't really explain why Bella had taken to him so quickly too . 29 . After making herself a coffee , and some for the guys , Bella set up her laptop in the living room and started to write . It was a story of a girl and how she fell in love with a vampire . She smirked to herself as she wrote the character 's sarcastic response to the vampire who thought he had captured him . Edward actually reminded her of the main vampire in the book . She 'd never really developed a complete image of how the character looked in her head , but she 'd written him with short , dark copper hair , green eyes ( when he was human ) and a bit of a charmer . She wrote productively for a good hour before she was interrupted . 30 . " Wow , did a tornado sweep through here without my knowing ? " said the unmistakable voice of Alice . Bella sighed and shut her laptop , not wanting Alice to read what she had written until she was happy with it . She swiveled around in her chair and looked over at the petite woman in the hallway with her dark sunglasses on and a fine tailored suit , despite the hot weather . She was looking up as someone dropped a trash bag filled with wallpaper scrapings down over the landing . Alice looked through at her and grinned , taking off her sunglasses and stepping forward . " Well look at you , all showered and writing . That 's what I like to see . " " This place looks worse than it did when you bought it , " Alice complained as she made her way over to Bella , her friend and client , looking down at her shoe upon realizing she had stepped in something gooey . Her new Italian heels were ruined . " Just great . " 31 . Bella shrugged and looked anywhere but at Alice . She still felt like her heart had been put in a blender , but with some food and coffee inside her , and no alcohol , she was feeling a little more like she had rejoined the human race . 32 . They sat and talked for a while about the book and the changes that Bella wanted to make from her original outline . Her readers seemed to focus on the relationship between the main characters much more than anything else , and she really wanted to add something to that . Alice rose from her seat instantly , her eyes travelling down the gleaming chest of the six foot two man before her . " Alice Brandon , " she quickly introduced herself , holding out her hand . " It is very nice to meet you , " she said in an appreciative way that left neither Jasper nor Bella in any doubt that she was flirting . Jasper just waved it away . " These are my work pants , they 've had worse treatment , believe me . I was actually wondering if you 'd like me to build a kennel for them out of the timber that we have left over . " Bella looked at him , stunned . She couldn 't believe what nice guys her new employees all were . Well , maybe not Emmett , the jury was still out on that one . " Not at all , " Jasper assured her , turning back to Alice . " It was nice meeting you . I 'm sure I 'll see you again , " he said with a smirk as he left the room to go back to his work . 33 . Bella looked up at Edward , who was standing in the doorway of the living room looking sheepish . She felt her mouth pull into a smile and decided that Jasper , the man of perfection , had nothing on Edward 's picture perfect face and fuckhot body . So maybe she was feeling a little better than she thought she was . " It 's okay , " Bella said quickly . " This is Alice , my editor . Alice , this is Edward , the guy who owns the construction company . " " Can I buy Jasper from you ? " Alice asked Edward , seemingly completely oblivious to the fact that Edward was at least five times hotter than Jasper . " Or at least hire him by the hour . . . I need some work done around the house . . . my bed , it needs shackles . " Bella reached over and slapped Alice on her arm . " Never mind Alice , " she said to Edward . " She still hasn 't quite grasped the concept of how to behave in public . " Edward grinned . " I don 't mind , and about selling Jasper . . . you better talk to him about it first . I wanted to talk to you about some of the changes we 're doing upstairs , Bella , but if you 're busy it can wait . " Bella looked at the open document before her and then at Edward . It really wasn 't that hard to choose . " I 'll be right with you , " she said , saving the document and closing the laptop . " Behave while I 'm gone , " she said to Alice before getting up and walking over to Edward . 34 . She followed him into the kitchen , very aware of how warm Edward 's skin looked . She bet if she reached out and touched him , he 'd be burning hot . " So this is about the bedroom ? " " I mean , it 's none of my business . Tell me to shut up and just do my job if you want , but I was thinking that these would give a much nicer finish to the exterior of the place , " Edward quickly added , leaning over Bella and pointing to the windowpanes he had spotted . Bella breathed in deep , letting Edward 's scent fill her nostrils , and she unconsciously moved closer to him . She licked her lips and coughed into her hand . " Yeah , I think you 're right . And you should absolutely feel free to make suggestions to me about this kind of stuff . I mean . . . I have no clue about any of this . " Bella grinned back at him . " See ? I feel very safe in your hands . " She very quickly realized what she had said when Edward 's eyebrows lifted . " I mean . . . my house feels safe with your recommendations . " 35 . Forgetting Riley was easier than Bella ever thought it would be in the weeks following her first meeting with Edward and his team of carpenters . Many nights when she went to sleep , she found that she hadn 't thought of Riley once all day and it kind of made her feel guilty , like she was cheapening their love . Then she remembered the part where Riley set their love on fire and pissed on the ashes , and the guilt soon dissipated . Edward turned out to be a great guy , and three days into their friendship , Bella gave up and admitted to herself she had a crush on the guy . There was just no avoiding it after the first time she woke up with Edward 's name on her lips , sweaty and flushed with arousal . He was smart , gorgeous , talented and kind ; all the things Bella had once loved about Riley , but in a much sexier package . She tried to tell herself it was just Riley 's betrayal and her broken heart that made her think about Edward in romantic terms , but somehow it just didn 't cut it . Bella wasn 't looking for a fling , or some cheap sex , which was why she kept herself from asking Edward out . She didn 't want to ruin their friendship with sex , and Edward was turning out to be the best friend she 'd ever had . It was a good thing , too , since the previous contestant for the best friend position , Alice , had all but forgotten about Bella in the face of her dream man , Jasper . The two of them spent all their free time together and the rest of the time Alice hung out at Bella 's house watching Jasper work . Bella had never seen Alice so smitten by anyone before , and she had to hide her grins behind the back of her hands so as not to offend either of them . 36 . The house was slowly starting to take shape under Edward 's careful supervision . It looked nothing like it would have if Riley had been the one calling the shots . Edward had vetoed pretty much everything Riley 'd planned in the house and Bella cheerfully agreed , because Edward undoubtedly had an eye for stuff like that . 37 . Bella was used to Edward 's jokes , most of them laced with innocent innuendo . The sight of Edward making her bed up made her chest tighten , as had the sight of Edward moving around her kitchen as he helped her cook . " Where did you get this bed ? " Edward asked , looking up at the midnight blue satin covering the roof of the bed . " It kicks some serious ass . " " It 's awesome . " Edward put his glass down on the nightstand and let himself fall down on his back . " You should put , like , glow in the dark stars on the roof . . . It would be like having your own night - sky . " 38 . " I , uh . . . " Bella dragged her eyes away from Edward 's stomach and took a huge gulp of her wine , breaking out in a coughing fit as soon as she swallowed . One would think that with the excessive drinking she 'd been doing just a few weeks ago , she would be accustomed to the burn of the alcohol , but apparently not . Bella looked around the room again . The walls were a slightly blue - ish white . It looked like the inside of a beach house , all fresh and sharp . The chair in the corner was white with a blue pillow , matching her bed linens . She couldn 't even imagine the colors that Riley had picked out for this room now . The blues and whites fit so well and they fit her too . The dark green floral curtains that Riley had ordered had made her feel a little sick to her stomach , if she was being honest . She much preferred the floor length , pale blue drapes . Edward chuckled and looked around the room before pouring them both another glass of wine . " Yeah , I kind of love your house , too . I 'm going to be sad to say goodbye to this project . " Edward smiled at her reassuringly and nodded . " Sure I will . I just won 't be spending as much time here , I 'll be working on another house . We 've already been booked . " 39 . The idea of Edward not being in her home everyday made Bella feel sicker than Riley 's curtains had . She looked at the face that was so close to hers , so beautiful and kind . She 'd already lost Riley , she couldn 't lose Edward , too . " No , " Bella replied defensively . " I mean , think about it . You love this house . We get along great . I have two spare bedrooms that apparently aren 't being filled anytime . . . ever . And you said you wanted to move out of your dad 's place . " " Oh . . . " Edward looked slightly disappointed , like maybe he had hoped that Bella meant something else , but then Bella could just be imagining things , this was very potent wine after all . " I . . . um , wow . . . that 's quite an offer . " Bella looked down at the almost empty glass in her hands . Of course Edward wouldn 't want to move in with her . It wasn 't like Edward didn 't have other friends besides her , and those friends probably had big ass houses too and would love to put Edward up . 40 . " Just think about it , " Bella said quietly , turning the glass around between her fingers . " I could use the company and your dog already loves my dogs , and your friends already love and make nice with the sexing of my friends . Even my mom loves you , and I kinda think she kinda thinks you 're my boyfriend , and it 's totally okay if you don 't want to , it was kind of . . . stupid I guess , I . . . I just . . . thought - " Bella blushed . Now why had she felt the need to blurt that out ? " Well , she never said it out loud . There 's just something in the way she sneaks in questions about you . " Edward laughed again . Being with Bella was so easy , so comfortable . He felt relaxed here , in the house and in Bella 's company . " You know what ? Yes , I 'd love to live here with you . " Bella 's face broke into the biggest smile Edward had ever seen and it was almost enough to knock the wind out of his chest . " Really ? That 's great . ' Cause living alone in this big house wasn 't looking like fun . " Edward rubbed the back of his neck . " Are you sure your Mom 's gonna be okay with this ? I mean , with us living in sin and all ? " It took another week before Edward finally moved in , because they still hadn 't finished working on the new spare bedroom , but as soon as they were done , Edward brought all of his stuff over from his dad 's and set up residence in the bedroom right next to Bella 's . Bella soon found that asking Edward to move in had been both the best , and the worst , idea she had ever had . It was the best idea because Edward was an awesome roommate , he was effortlessly neat , a great cook and he actually liked doing the laundry . It was the worst because Edward was impossibly gorgeous and unbelievably grumpy in the mornings . She never dared to talk to him before giving him at least two cups of coffee , so she spent most of her mornings staring in awe at Edward 's sleep mussed hair and his sculpted bare legs , while waiting for the coffee to kick in . It was the worst because Edward fell asleep on the couch while watching TV with Bella , looking cuter than words could ever describe , and it was the worst because every day that passed Bella just found herself wanting Edward more and more . 43 . Edward couldn 't recall ever being happier than when he was living with Bella in this big old house . He loved the fact that Bella had coffee ready for him when he woke up , sticking a cup into his hand before she even said good morning , and he loved the fact that Bella had taken to taking all three dogs with her on her morning runs . He loved making dinner now that Bella was actually eating again on a regular basis , and he loved falling asleep on the couch next to Bella , because Bella always woke him up when she was going to bed and they made their way up the stairs together . Most of all , though , he loved the beautiful , doe - eyed brunette owner of his new residence , and he was beginning to worry it was going to be a problem . At first he 'd told himself it was just a passing thing , and that Bella 's allure would soon wear off like it had with so many other women . Then he told himself that living with Bella would surely make him hate the woman when he learned all of her annoying habits . 44 . They supported different sports teams , but found themselves rooting for each other 's when their own team wasn 't playing . It became a regular thing for them on Sundays , watching a game together . Given that he could make money in a roadside freak show for how much he could eat , they usually weren 't through the door long before he was throwing himself down on the couch and tearing into the food they 'd brought home with them . They 'd sit together , side by side , and watch TV . It had become Edward 's all - time favorite day of the week . 45 . Today , however , Edward was far too full from the barbeque that Bella 's dad had put on earlier today to even think about eating again , at least until next Sunday . Bella , on the other hand , sat beside him picking at the leftovers alone . She 'd take a bite and give the other half to one of the dogs , making sure that all three of them got a fair share . Bella grinned and Edward felt his throat close up . Why did she have to be so goddamned gorgeous ? He forcibly tore his eyes away and stared blankly at the TV instead . Edward blinked and smiled a small half a smile . " I 'm not sad . What you 're seeing might be constipation from all that delicious food . " " I know . It doesn 't make it any less true though . If you hadn 't come into my life , I would have moped over Riley until my emo took over and killed me . " Edward looked at her for a moment like he couldn 't quite believe Bella was doing that . Their eyes locking , the feel of Bella 's hand rubbing so close to his dick was making him harden . The space between their faces was next to nothing and Bella didn 't even make a conscious decision to kiss Edward , she just found herself leaning in and pressing their lips together softly . Almost as soon as she 'd done it , Bella pulled away and sat forward on the couch . " Oh , shit . I 'm so sorry . I didn 't mean to do that , " she quickly assured Edward , thinking that he must think she was stupid for ruining this , or worse , that she had only invited Edward to live with her so that she could make a move . " No , I 'm really sorry , it won 't happen again . I made a mistake . " And with that , she took the stairs two at a time , leaving Edward alone with the dogs , feeling like his stomachache was the least of his problems . 48 . It was a week later that the house was finally completed . And while Edward and his team had been working hard on the house , Bella had been working hard on her book , studiously trying to avoid her new housemate and friend . Alice was so impressed by the way Bella had gotten her act together , that she had insisted on throwing Bella a party , at her house , now that it was finished . Things had been weird between them ever since the kiss and Bella just wished she could go back in time and just not kiss Edward . They bobbed around the house like guppies in a shark tank , doing their very best to avoid each other . Bella still made Edward coffee in the morning , but she 'd stopped staying around to watch Edward drink it , she just nodded in greeting before going for her morning run and then locking herself in the recently finished office to write the rest of the day . Luckily , Alice thought it was golden and that the underlying sexual tension would make the fangirls squee . Bella found that a little bit disturbing , but since the male lead looked more like Edward with every sentence and the female lead was looking more and more like Bella herself , it was pretty hard to avoid . Of course , the female lead had always been modeled after herself , but it was becoming stupidly obvious now , to her anyways . 50 . The party guests , plenty of people that Bella didn 't know , and who she was pretty sure Edward didn 't know either , began arriving after seven . She wanted to lock herself back in her office , where she had spent all day . " Who the fuck are all these people ? " she demanded , looking around at them . Alice had gone all out with the catering and the decorations . She 'd even hired a bartender for the night and everyone was dressed way too nice to just be attending a house party . It was rare to see Edward in anything other than his work clothes , old jeans or his pajama bottoms , but tonight he was dressed in black pants with a black shirt that made him look so delicious that it made Bella ache . Everywhere . The only other time Edward had made an effort to scrub up like this , was when they 'd gone to have dinner with Bella 's family . 51 . " Yeah , of yours , not mine , " Bella insisted , looking around at the strangers invading her home . She felt uncomfortable having them there , she kept wondering what Edward thought of it all and how he felt about strangers touching the house he had so lovingly restored . Bella looked over to the front door and saw her mom and dad standing there waving at her happily . She waved back and was about to go over to them , when she saw that Edward had gotten there first . She watched as her friend talked and laughed with her parents , accepting the dish of food that her mom had brought with her and going into the kitchen to put it away . She made her way over as soon as Edward had disappeared into the kitchen , giving her mom a hug and her dad a kiss on the cheek . Bella sighed and leaned back against the counter . She felt tired , this thing between her and Edward this past week was exhausting her . She missed her friend . " I dunno . Her sense of humor , I guess . " Edward smiled at her almost shyly and came to lean beside her . This was the closest they had been all week and the most they had said to each other . " What about your parents ? Surely they don 't think . . . " " Oh yeah . They 're over the moon . They can 't wait to have you as their son - in - law , " Bella said with an incredulous laugh . 53 . Edward smirked and turned his head to look at Bella . It was killing him . Every night as he lay in bed he repeated Bella 's words over and over in his mind . It was a mistake . Just a mistake . It meant nothing . Only it meant everything to Edward . He was falling in love , something he didn 't think would ever happen again after Lauren . Maybe he could have gone on pretending they were just friends , if Bella hadn 't kissed him , but she had , and Edward couldn 't pretend anymore . Edward chewed on his lower lip . " Well . . . that 's kind of the problem . I do like you like that , and I can 't keep living here pre . . . hhmmppffmm . " 54 . Bella didn 't make a conscious decision to kiss Edward , much like she hadn 't done the last time , but it felt so damned right . She brought her hands up around Edward 's neck , sliding her tongue along the seam of Edward 's lips until he gave in and opened up with a tiny desperate sound that set her blood on fire . Bella chuckled , feeling a little light headed from the kiss and tilted her head up to capture Edward 's lips again . Edward 's lips were so full and warm and Bella thought she could spend forever just doing this . Then she felt a hardness press against her leg and she suddenly thought of many other things she could fill forever with . 55 . " Oh , I 'm sorry , " Bella 's mom said with a laugh from the kitchen doorway . " I didn 't realize it was that kind of party . " Renee 's heart had broken seeing the mess that Riley had left behind . She was a good person who believed in forgiveness , but she hated that man for what he had done to her daughter . Bella was always so full of life , it was how she was meant to be . After Riley left , she had become a shell of her old self , that was until Edward had come into her life and put her back together again . " So have you set a day yet ? " Renee asked , unable to keep the smile from her face . She didn 't care that Bella was thinking about marriage so quickly after breaking up with Riley , as long as she was happy , and she clearly was ; it was written all over her face . She shooed them out of the kitchen and Edward grabbed a hold of Bella 's hand , not wanting to lose sight of her again . Her fingers curled easily around his and she looked up to find him grinning at her . She smiled back , her grin getting wider by the second until they were standing in the middle of the living room , grinning at each other like idiots . " Don 't be disrespectful . It 's our engagement party , " Edward answered with a chuckle . " Speaking of engagements . . . When did I ask you ? " It had been a long night filled with longing looks across the room and promises of Sunday dinner at a restaurant so that just the family could celebrate . Renee had asked Edward to invite his father and his father 's girlfriend out with them . Edward had been ready to make up an excuse , not really wanting to tell his father he was engaged when he wasn 't . . . or was he ? But he decided that he wanted his dad to meet Bella and her family , so he 'd have to figure out what to tell him later . Edward nodded , feeling a little nervous now . He had found himself in a relationship , living with a woman , who had been in one long term relationship and dumped recently . He had this fear that Bella might not really know what she was getting into . Bella , it seemed , was not rooting for the taking it slow option and with her tongue in his mouth and her hands cupping his ass , Edward had no problems whatsoever in changing his view on the matter . Fast was good , fast was better than good . In fact , Edward couldn 't wait until she was spread eagled on the bed with his cock buried inside of her . Edward hurriedly shed her of her clothes without taking his eyes off her , letting the clothes pile up at his feet . Bella felt oddly self - conscious , even though she knew for a fact that she was damned good looking , and she almost reached to cover herself , opting to grab hold of the sheets with her hands instead . He licked his lips as he took in Bella 's naked body for the first time . He 'd seen Bella in varying states of undress before , but he 'd never seen all of her . Edward was , for lack of a more eloquent word , huge . He was hung like she 'd never seen and she felt herself moaning at the very idea of being stretched by him . She let her head fall back against the soft pillows , that Edward had helped her pick out , as he climbed over her . She kissed him back hungrily , her hips pushing upwards , looking for some sort of friction . With their faces just inches apart , he reached between them and guided his cock to her entrance , pushing just a little at first , then deeper . Her eyes went wide and her hands came up to clutch his back . It was a tight fit , but it felt wonderful for both of them . Edward slowly pushed in more , resisting the urge to just push in all the way and claim her for his own . Bella was making a stupid amount of noise , keening and mumbling and essentially not making any sense at all . Her fingernails were digging into his back , trying to pull him closer while her body seemingly fought to keep him out . Once he was fully buried inside , Edward paused , lifting a hand to turn her flushed face towards his . He licked his lips and shifted his hips , starting a slow rocking motion into Bella 's unbelievably tight body , making both of them groan . She was writhing underneath him , heels digging into his ass as she begged for more , faster , harder , anything . It felt amazing to watch her come apart at the seams , completely delirious by pleasure , and Edward was pretty sure he could come just from watching Bella 's face . " Fuck , " Edward groaned . He felt like he was experiencing sensory overload . He kept his eyes on Bella as he pumped his hips a little faster , watching as her eyes rolled back . Edward was supporting himself on his forearms , but he could feel them begin to shake a little as he grew closer and closer to his orgasm . He wanted to try and make it last forever , he wanted to stay right where he was , he never wanted this to end , but when Bella started mumbling , " Fuck me , fuck me , " incoherently , over and over again , Edward felt his balls pull up . He quickly reached between them , his fingers finding her clit . It only took a couple of seconds for her to fall apart . He kept thrusting into her pliant body for a few more moments before it became impossible to hold back . His orgasm began somewhere around his toes and hit him like a blow to the stomach , making him grind his hips into her , pushing in deep and hard . He just barely avoided collapsing on top of her , choosing to roll to the side instead , keeping one hand around the base of his cock to keep the condom from slipping . Bella protested weakly as he rolled away from her to dispose of the condom , reaching out to keep him close . He dumped the condom in the trashcan next to the bed and rolled back to pull her firmly into his arms , pressing a soft kiss against her temple . " Bella , you look beautiful , " Edward assured her , reaching out his hand and messing Bella 's hair up again . It just didn 't look normal when it was smoothed out and flat . Bella 's hair was meant to be a little messy and wavy so that Edward could run his fingers through anytime he wanted . Bella just laughed and shoved Edward playfully . " I 'm a little nervous , okay ? I mean , if they don 't get along , then we 're screwed . " Edward tried really hard not to laugh at Bella 's overreaction . It was actually kind of cute . " Your parents are cool . My parents are cool . We make each other happy . I 'm pretty sure it 's going to be fine . " Bella closed her eyes , took a deep breath and snorted at herself . She couldn 't believe she was freaking out over this . " You 're right . And besides , we 're grown - ups , it 's not like your dad can forbid me to date you . " Edward raised his eyebrows and laughed when Bella paled . " He 's not gonna forbid me to date you , " he said , giving Bella 's thigh a loving squeeze . " You 're the best thing that ever happened to me . " Bella leaned over and gave him a soft kiss . " Okay . Let 's do this . Also . . . for the record , it 's totally unfair that my parents are already eating out of your hand . " 63 . They walked side by side towards the restaurant , not quite holding hands , but walking close enough that they could if they wanted to . The gossip around town had pegged them for a couple long before the engagement party , and no one really raised an eyebrow when they saw them together . Carlisle chuckled and took Bella 's hand , pulling her into a hug . It wasn 't as full on as Edward 's had been , but it surprised her just the same . " Sir ? " Carlisle asked with a smirk as he let Bella go . " Hell , I ain 't your drill sergeant . " Bella and Edward shared a look , both of their eyes questioning . They hadn 't spoken about it , what with it being so soon after they got together , but neither of them had mentioned a plan to get out of the whole engagement thing . It made Edward wonder if it wasn 't secretly what they both wanted . " That 's wonderful , " Esme , Edward 's so far unofficial step - mom , said with a smile . " I 'm happy for you , Edward , and for you , too , Bella . " She reached over and patted Bella 's hand . " Even if my horrible step - son , or my fiancé , didn 't bother to introduce me . " Bella shook herself out of her eye lock with Edward and turned to her with a grin . " Well , " she said . " I 'm Bella and I figured you must be Esme . I 'm delighted to meet you . " " You too , honey . " She gave Bella a wink and picked up her glass of wine . " You know , my parents have a ranch up in Irving . It 's got lots of open space . I reckon it could be made up real pretty , " she said with a knowing smile . " Uh , well , thanks , " Edward said , looking around for the waiter . He was going to need to drink tonight . " Maybe next spring . Give us time to plan . . . and stuff . " " Yeah , " Edward admitted , leaning against the wall next to her . He looked down at his feet a little shyly before glancing back up at Bella through his thick eyelashes . " It 's moving kind of fast . " Bella nodded . " Look , if you wanna come clean to them all , I totally understand . " She looked into Edward 's eyes , waiting for him to say something . " I don 't want you to feel forced into this . " " I fucking love you . Of course I wanna marry you , " Edward said , bringing his hand up to cup Bella 's face . " So I guess the question is … do you wanna marry me ? " They shared a kiss , standing in the middle of the hallway , not caring who saw them . When they finally pulled apart , Bella had a pensive look on her face . " You know , spring is a long time away . " Edward smirked at her and nodded . " A very long time away . " They started walking back slowly , both smiling to themselves . " Hey , you know what 's great about being our own bosses ? We can take vacation time whenever we want . " I loved this story . It was so romantic in the best of that tradition ! I loved that she was writing that oh so familiar story . . . . I loved that they just knew right away but it took some pushing to get them to where they were meant to be . Post a Comment Okay guys . . . here it is . . . the one - shot I promised for voting for Kati . . . It actually turned into a drabble . . . I have a group on FB for it . . . . . |
It is a long time since I have posted again , but now I have a toilet experience ( or more to the point lack of one ) which is very appropriate . It occurred when my friend Debbie and I took a day off work during the week to do some out of town shopping . The weather was fine and we had a very enjoyable time . To finish , we stopped at a pub for a meal and a drink . The drink turned into quite a few and by the time we caught the train back we were very tipsy , to say the least ! The journey back required catching a connection . After leaving the first train we waited and waited for the connection and it did not turn up . There was no announcement about how late it would be . I needed a wee and went to the ladies , only to find that the door was locked . When I got more desperate I tried the door of the gents , this was also locked and it was not late at night . It soon got to the stage where there was only one option if I was not going to wee in my knickers . By now Debbie was also in need of a wee . The only appropriate place was at the space at the end of the platform , where the building ends . In this secluded area no one waiting for a train would be able to observe us . We both made our way , pretending not to be in a hurry in case we might attract attention . As soon as I turned the corner , my jeans and knickers came down in one , I squatted , facing the wall and - RELIEF ! ! ! Although not out of choice , it was much more fun than using the toilet as well . Debbie , along side me , was also releasing a tremendous stream . Then , all of a sudden , we heard the sound of an approaching train from behind us . While we were still weeing , our late train pulled up at the platform . Everyone on the right side of the train had a view of our bare behinds ! We felt so embarrassed ! On finishing we quickly made ourselves decent and rather sheepishly , though very much relieved , proceeded to a train carriage . Before we could board the platform guard and a woman in uniform blocked our path . We were told , in no uncertain terms , that we would not be allowed on the train . The woman , who was the driver , said that what we had done was absolutely disgusting and we should be thoroughly ashamed of ourselves . We tried to explain about the train being very late and the toilets being locked , but it fell upon death ears . The guard , prompted by the driver , appeared quite threatening . It soon became obvious that the little female Hitler would not relent and we would not be allowed on the train . I 'm sure the smell of alcohol on our breath made her attitude worse . Absolutely fuming , we watched the train pull away in the realization that it would be over an hour before the next one arrived . I 'm sure that if the driver was a man there would have been no problem . He would have merely admired the view , had an unexpected thrill and laughed at our embarrassment . No harm done . It was just our bad luck that the driver was a woman with some sort of problem . Debbie said that she would like to strangle the little Hitler and shit on the platform to really give a cause for complaint . When she said that she had not been today and was feeling an urge , I realized she might not be joking - about the latter ! When Debbie said she had never done a poo , except in a toilet , I knew she was considering going on the platform for the purpose of extracting some sort of revenge . I told her about my very infrequent experiences of having an outdoor poo ( posted about on this board ) and how I enjoy it . I stressed that they had all been behind bushes with no chance of anyone seeing me . I talked about the first nerve racking time , many years ago , when wild camping and the last time , a year ago , when I was out in the countryside with diarrhea . Debbie said that she was not desperate , but would like to poo where we had the wee , but only if I had one with her . I had a good poo on the train during the outward journey , but I usually poo twice a day and was sure I could produce something . The problem was that no one had seen me poo since I was a child . Privacy had always been paramount . I informed Debbie about this and she seemed surprised . She said that she never closes the door in the house and thinks nothing of her husband seeing her . On many occasions she walks in when he is having a bath and has a poo in the toilet , besides him , without giving it a second thought . Debbie said that this would be the perfect opportunity for both of us , her to poo outside and me with company . She pointed out that we had both pooped in work at the same time , in adjacent stalls , and thought nothing of the noises and smells . The only difference this time is that we would also have sight . I thought things over - it would not be as if someone would be just watching because Debbie would be pooping as well - also , it was a long time since I had a poo outside and it is something I really enjoy - finally , if I was seen , and there would be a far greater risk than ever before , I would not be alone . All things considered , and with Dutch courage from the drink , I agreed that we would poo together where we had the wee . I said that the newspapers we had bought could make up for the lack of toilet paper . Apart from us , the platform was completely deserted with the next train not being due for such a long time . The odds were against someone seeing us and it did seem a way of extracting some sort of revenge after what had happened . Now we would not be leaving behind something which would evaporate . For obvious reasons I am not disclosing the location of the station . As we made our way to the spot I told Debbie that I had acquired a lot of experience of pooping in squat toilets on my travels and would use them out of choice as a pleasant change . I also advised that when pooping in the squat position I would take one leg out of my trousers and knickers . Debbie said , that as this was new to her , she would follow my guidance . We positioned ourselves a short distance away from our very prominent wee streams and lowered our garments a lot slower than previously , this time stepping out on one side . Debbie squatted and , close beside her , I followed . By now , after all the drink , another wee was required and I emptied my bladder . This time , not being an extreme emergency , there was far less than before . At the same time Debbie let out a quiet fart and I knew she was starting to poo , her first ever out doors ! I pushed , farted a lot louder , and followed through on to the concrete below . My first time with company ! I did not feel all that embarrassed - this was to do with Debbie pooping at the same time with no embarrassment and the drink . I was having a very enjoyable poo and producing more than I expected , as I have found in the squat position before . It was evident that my morning poo on the train was far from a complete evacuation . I thought I might be done after a minute , but hung on . Debbie was far from finished and started talking . She said that she was really enjoying the experience and , apart from the revenge motive , this was a lot of fun . I agreed saying it had been too long since my last outdoor poo . I added that there was no way what so ever I would be having this one if she was not next to me , or she did not suggest it . It was apparent that I was not done and I added to the pile which had accumulated beneath my bum . When I was sure I was done , I stood up ripped off a sheet of newspaper and started to wipe . For me , not that much was required as is usually the case when squatting to poo . The newspaper did not have the same soft feel as toilet paper , but was fit for purpose . As usual , to finish and reduce the chance of skid marks , I pushed further into my hole . When a piece of paper was clean I knew I had finished . I put my foot into my jeans and knickers and pulled them up , observing my pile of poo and the soiled paper which littered the ground . Debbie said she was still not done and insisted I stayed put . She said she did not mind We walked back to the main platform in high spirits and thankful that no one saw us this time . The platform was still deserted and remained so for some time . The wait for the train went a lot quicker than it otherwise would have . When it arrived , we went to the loo for the sole purpose of washing our hands ! This is the conclusion of my earlier post . I was at my school 's football game last Friday night with my boyfriend Adam , who at the last minute had to take his brother Justin , who is 6 , and sister Mandy , who is 5 with him . Adam 's in the marching band which performs at halftime , so he has to sit with the band until third quarter . So I end up being the babysitter for like 90 minutes . Well after Justin got done with his crap and I finally convinced him to go back into the bathroom and to the sink to wash his hands , he , Mandy and I went back to our seats . Adam and the band were playing like 10 minutes before kick - off when Mandy started squirming around on the bleacher and tugged on my jacket to get my attention . " I have to pee , " she said , pointing between her legs . I asked her a dumb ( I admit it OK ! ) questions like " right now ? " and again she pointed down to her jeans and crotch . A boy who had moved onto the bleacher right in front of me is in my 3rd hour class and I asked him if he would watch Justin while I took Mandy all the way up the stairs to the bathroom . He said he would and made room for Justin beside him . I was relieved that he would help me out because I didn 't want to have to drag Justin into the ladies room . So we want back up the stairs . I took Mandy 's hand and had to walk so slow because Mandy 's legs aren 't long enough to take the stairs too fast that I thought to myself I hope she didn 't pee her pants before we got to the top and she got on the toilet . Well , we got just inside the door and the bathroom was pretty much I had remembered it to be when I last used it last season . There were 20 stalls on one side of the wall , 20 on the other side and toward the entrance there must have been 20 or 30 sinks . It was so crowded it was tough to see beyond the crowd . One stall on the right stuck out because it had no door and I thought that might be perfect for Mandy to use because there would be no wait . By me standing in the door , I could kind of shield her privacy , too . Otherwise , I could see legs under each of the stall doors and there were a number of girls and even some parents standing and waiting their turn . Well , we walked around some of the crowd to the middle of the room where I saw the doorless stall and I was surprised by what we say . There was a policewoman in full uniform and with a gun holster sitting on the toilet . She was about 40 , blond and immediately told us it wouldn 't be long . She had her uniform trousers and undwear at knee level and she had her legs spread pretty wide . " Ive been holding this load for three hours , " she said as she pushed and you could see first a squint and then a smile on her face as she dropped it . She was ready to wipe with a large wad of toilet paper like a giant wiping pad in her hand . I directed Mandy 's attention a little bit to the entrance where the sinks were because I didn 't want her staring at the cop . Also , Mandy was drawn to the two - way radio on the officer 's belt which was at knee level and continually blasting away . Within a couple of minutes the officer was standing , wiping and she used her foot to flush the toilet . She told us it was her best crap in a week and thanked us for being so tolerant and understanding . Just as I had done with Justin a half hour earlier , I toThe girl practically bumped us out of the way as she dove in for the toilet . Mandy was still crying when she washed her hands . I tried to explain to her about rude people and why we call them " bullies . " She understood better when I treated her to a $ 2 box of popcorn . Hello guys and gals . I want to talk a bit about pooping . I love to hold back my urge to poop as long as I can . I really enjoy the feeling of being absolutely desperate to poop . Does any one else do this too , or is it just me ? I usually get the first small urge to poop two days after I last pooped . Then , I can hold it back for several more hours without risking pooping my pants . I 'd say that five or six hours after I get that first urge that 's when it starts to become desperate . I know then that I will poop in my pants very soon . So if I am in public , I head to the bathroom at that point , so I don 't embarass myself bad by pooping in my pants like a baby . I will tell you the story that happened to me Saturday . I woke up in the morning , knowing that I would need to poop that day , as I had pooped two days ago . But I did not feel even the smallest urge , so I just did my morning pee and then ate breakfast . Because it was Saturday , I didn 't have to work , so I decided I would go to the mall and shop . An hour after I arrived at the mall , I got the first urge to go poop and I was also hungry . I ate at the food court and went back to shopping . Several more hours of mindless shopping passed and I was ready to go home . By then it was four hours after the urge first hit , and the real desperate part would happen soon . I got home , changed into a loose fitting comfy outfit and watched TV for another hour . After that hour of watching , my urge to poop became more intense , and I had to really focus on holding it back . I was very distracted for the next two hours . I looked at the clock and it was around seven o ' clock in the evening . I wanted to make dinner soon , I was getting hungry again , but I still felt I could hold my poop a bit longer . I held it for forty - five minutes longer but then I finally rushed to the bathroom . I yanked down my bottoms and panties and plopped my butt on the toilet seat . I grabbed my magazine placed nearby and let my body have it 's way . The relief was so amazing when that first log exitted . I felt like it was half a foot long and it came to rest in my toilet but didn 't make any sound . The second log only came out a small bit , that bit snapped off and splashed in the toilet . Again , a small bit of the log snapped off , splash . Finally , the whole log eased it 's way out , no sound like the first one . Then a third log began to exit and then it fell in the water with a big plop . There was some liquid and chunks of poop that came after , but they were too many to count . I tore off a large amount of squares of toilet paper and did my usual process where I fold , wipe , fold , wipe . I can repeat this four times before the paper gets too small to wipe . Most often this is enough for me to feel totally clean , but sometimes if its a really messy poop , another four wipes is needed . This time , four wipes was enough . I stood up , pulled up my panties and bottoms and inspected my creations , then flushed . I recently started a bodybuilding routine and I have to drink a lot of water . I drink about 12 bottles a day in addition to occasional coffees and a glass of milk with my dinner . So I have to pee a lot , and its very annoying . Sometimes I hold it in as long as I can but then I have to run for the toilet and sometimes I start to pee in my pants before I get there . Some of my college classes are long and if I don 't pee just before they start I have to go during class , and I hate to leave during a class . No one has seen me wet my pants but I 'm afraid it will happen sometime . I skip my bottles of water when I 'm on a date , but there 's so much water in me I still have to pee , and that 's embarrassing . My girlfriend thinks it 's funny when I have to stop and pee by the side of the road . I 've wet my pants on the way home from a date a couple of times . I wish I could hold my pee like some guys can . I really try . Some of my favorite stories are about taking a dump in a public bathroom ( one that comes to mind is JaLe ) or overhearing someone else having a good dump . I know in the past where there were a few women had stories about going in the workplace and how they knew some of their co - worker habits as well . These were always interesting . I also like the poop desperation stories , but I prefer these with a happy ending . Some of my favorites here are Desperate to poop and Red Headed Michelle . I also just like the stories just about having a dump but sharing plenty of details . Here some of my favorites are oldies - - Jane , Amy co - ed , Summer , Carmalita , Laura ( teacher ) , etc . Karen , I understand it is embarassing to go in front of a boyfriend or girlfriend , but really it shouldn 't be an issue . Everyone has to take a dump from time to time and yes , sometimes it isn 't too pleasant sounding or can really stink . It happens to us all , even those of us who don 't have IBS . I 'm glad your boyfriend was understanding as he should be and I 'm glad you feel more comfortable . Your boyfriend sounds like a very nice man . I know IBS can be hard some times , but knowing that you have such a loving understanding partner will really help out , especially when your are out and public at least you can confide in him if you need to leave , have an accident etc . Lurker for a while . I was reading page 1677 and I saw the story of Debbie . I was wondering if she has posted since . Also BTW , I am wondering how long the regulars here ( like Upstate Dave etc . ) have been posting here . BTW I am male and I like pee and poo stories of females . I had a nice big dinner tonight and just after I was done eating I felt like I had some gas that needed to blow . Since I was alone I could have just let rip one HUGE fart but for whatever reason my ' prudeness ' genes kicked in and told me not to try so hard . Lucky I did since some diarrhoea spurted out immediately after the second of two rapid fire farts escaped from my rear . I could feel a bit of hot and sticky liquid sitting between my butt cheeks and then I sensed a whole lot more waiting to follow . Carefully , but with great haste , I made my way to the toilet and immediately pulled down my pants and y - fronts . In the split second after my ass hit the toilet seat , flood of crap came out in two big bursts . After sitting there for a few minutes to verify that I was done , I got up , turned around , and took a look at my BM . My shit coloured the toilet water a dark brown and areas of the toilet enamel that normally never get splashed by my poops were covered in the dark , dark brown mess . Sitting on top of the stuff in the water was a light foam . What went through my mind was , " Where the heck did all that come from ? ? " After looking at it all for a few minutes I turned to the toilet roll to clean up and . . . of course . . . there were just a few sheets . Barely enough for me to use to blow my nose if I had to . No big deal I suppose but it bugged me enough for me to roll my eyes and let off a little ' sigh ' . I managed to wipe twice with those few pieces of TP and I examined the paper . What seemed odd was that the stuff on the paper was not nearly as dark as the ' soup ' floating in the water . Further , I did not detect the classic diarrhoea - smell . In fact , it barely had a scent at all . Zip . I always drop my pants and briefs to my ankles unless the floor is dirty or wet . I 've never had a problem showing my genitals in front of other guys - we all have more or less the same equipment . It was really my face I wanted to hide , because I never wanted anyone to know it was me on the toilet . But a year later I have learned that nothing bad happens . It 's usually the guys who see me who are embarrassed and run the other way . Except for that one encounter with the police here in the city I 'm visiting now . But even then nothing bad happened . Zip , I wear briefs or boxer briefs . Sometimes white but usually colored or striped and I 'm never embarrased at all . If I am wearing my button fly military pants I go commando , but I always wear underwear if there 's a zipper threatening nearby . Like some of the guys here , I spent years embarrassed if anyone even knew I was taking a dump . Now I let them see me and nothing bad has happened . In fact I now prefer it to be closed inside a little stall . To the new Chris : Liked a lot your story . Hope you can post more . I don 't remember the last time , or even if there was one , were I shit out all the loose stuff first and then the hard stuff , although it certainly happens to some people ( my cousin , may post that later ) . Do you always shit like that ? Vincene , Mistee and anyone else who babysits : I am male in high school , by the way , but in my neighborhood there are lots of parents who work until late on weekdays and some friends of mine and I decided to do them the favor and take care of their kids on different days ( meaning one of us " babysits " on Monday , another one of us on Tuesday , and so on . . . , we don 't get paid but they are very grateful to us and told us we can count on them for any favor ) . I " babysit " of a couple 's kids ( both boys ) on Thursday and a girl on Friday . So far , I have just taken the boys out to a local park once or twice , but I haven 't done that with the girl . The reason is this : She is in 1st grade and I am not sure if I should let her go on her own to the bathroom or take her with me into the men 's room . I assume she already knows how to wipe ( I don 't remember when I learnt to wipe myself , really , so I don 't know ) , and I think she also goes to the bathroom on her own at school , but I am not too sure to let her go by herself . I could always take her with me , but I have seen parents take her daughters to the men 's room and it is sometimes uncomfortable for guys at urinals ( young girls may stare at something ) or even in the stalls ( they may also peek ) . Do you have any advice for me ? Anyway , my shit of today . I went to the bathroom , pulled my pants down and sat on the toilet . What happened was actually pretty funny because it was the second time I sat my bare - ass on the toilet lid , thinking it was up but it wasn 't , which is weird considering my brother had been to the toilet about an hour before . I put up the lid and sat down again , this time on the seat . I let out a pre - shit fart and then started squeezing out a turd . It was pointy at both ends , but hard in the first half that came out . Once it came out , I pushed hard so that the rest came out in just one wave . It came out as a long turd , but light brown and soft . I then began the wiping process . I flushed , pulled my pants up , washed my hands and left . Just a quick question for all you ladies out there who wear pantyhose . If you have a diarrhea accident in your pantyhose , will the shit leak through the nylon fabric , or will it stay encased like a sausage in it 's skin ? If anyone out there has any stories of shitting or pissing their pantyhose , I 'd love to hear them . Linda from Australia here again . All this week , I had loose poos because I ate lots of bananas . I normally get constipated if I eat too many bananas but this time , that didn 't happen . Every morning I had explosive poos that went all over the toilet bowl . This happened at night aswell . Then yesterday morning , I got up and felt the urge to poo . I had to start work at 7am so I didn 't have time to go before work . I felt a big hard log in my anus all day . Every time I went to the toilet to do a wee , I did lots of farts to relieve the pressure . I finished work at 4pm but I had things to do before I went home . I couldn 't get to a toilet until 5 . 30pm and I decided to use the public toilets at a small supermarket not far from home . I was so desparate for a poo that I couldn 't wait to get home . When I got to the supermarket , I quickly made my way to the toilets . I went in and closed the door . I pulled my pants down and sat down . I did a huge wee first and then I waited . I thought my load might be loose again but I had to push to get things moving . A big turd stretched my anus really wide and I could hear it crackling . It felt REALLY good ! ! ! ! ! It felt so good that I took my time getting the load out . The turd felt really thick and it was very satisfying ! ! ! ! I still had to push and strain quite a bit and the turd got stuck in my anus . I relaxed and sat back on the toilet , with my back against the wall . After a few minutes , the turd broke off but I still had more in me . I pushed and strained some more but the last bit took longer to come out . After about 10 minutes , the rest of my load came out . I even felt finished , which I was very happy about ! ! I spent about 20 minutes on the toilet but I didn 't care . Nobody else came in while I was dropping my load which was great . I had a look at my job when I had finished and it consisted of 4 big logs , which weren 't that long but as thick as decent sized bananas . I was SO glad that I did poos in that toilet ! ! ! Cute & Shy , where have you been ? It 's been a long time since you wrote a bathroom adventure story on here . I miss you . Are you still lurking on here ? Please write back ! LOL I 've been reading some of the pages here and i would like to ask a question , is it weird to find the idea of the opposite sex using or having anything to do with the bathroom a turn on ? Is it just me or are there others like this ? Girls what do you think on this , am i just some kind of freak ? Pooperazzi - Liked your story . I 've been in a similar situation before , and it can be quite painful when the turds get stuck ! It can be a bit embarrassing as well when you get an erection while dumping in a doorless stall . That usually only happens to me when I 'm constipated , which isn 't very often . If I 'm constipated , then I try to give myself an enema . Just a little bit of warm water to help move things along . I 've also had guys stare at me while I 'm crapping . I don 't think any of them have seen me with an erection , though . I 'm afraid I 'd get arrested ! As for doorless stalls , I think they are mainly to prevent vandalism and other illicit things that can happen behind closed doors . Unfortunately , people go behind stall doors to do drugs , etc . . . No doors , no problems . And if you need to use the toilet , you still can . It works perfectly fine . Hi , i was out out on a walk . I needed to use the toilet but i was to far from home . I did not know how long i could hold my body waste . I looked around there was no one around , i had to go very badly it was time There was a ditch near a bush and some ivey leaves . I pulled my shots off no under pants neeled down legs spread waid apart over the ditch and the soft leaves . Ithen had a large amount of urine about five munits , i then waited and started to smell there was a foul odor and i could see light tan - brown bowelmovement - stool with urine commong out of my vagina and rectum . It was soft and wet as i watched it drop out of my vagina and rectum between my legs into the ditch . I was still having a large amount of bowelmovement - stool withh urine . After ten minutes i was done . I then had moore bowelmovement - stool with urine finshed , took some ivey leves andwipped four times . Ithen droped in the ditch and covered my waste witch the leaves . I then put my shorts on and was on my way . A ditch is agood place to have your body waste bowelmovement - stool with urine . When I came back she was sat on toilet , her face was bright red , as she moaned " eeeerergh . . . " she let out a belter of a fart , followed by a crackling sound & a huge splash . Next came a round of continual plops for about 10 seconds ! As I looked at her trying not to laugh I said " are you ok ? " I was looking for a forum to discuss my bowel issues and found this one . I have mild IBS . It flares up from time to time . The pain and discomfort is not nearly as bad as the anxiety it used to cause me . I have managed to largely get over it because of my boyfriend , who has been extremely understanding and supportive and has helped me relax about it . He and I had been seeing each other for about five years . He never questioned me when I would suddenly decide it was time to leave or told him I couldn 't see him that evening . rarely was it because of anything other than me having to have a bowel movement . or if I was suffering diarrhea I 'd avoid going to his apartment or having him over . It was a juggling act that caused me a lot of emotional distress and left him often feeling dejected and bewildered . Finally , one night the inevitable happened . I was at his apartment and I suddenly had a bad flare up . I knew I 'd never be able to make it home in time , or even to a coffee shop . I had to go right that moment or I 'd poop my pants . I was so humiliated at the idea of taking a dump in his bathroom that I actually got emotional . He asked what was wrong and I just said I have to go to the bathroom and rushed into his bathroom and slammed the door shut . He was positive that he 'd said something or upset me in some way . I was afraid to tell him I was embarrassed to take a dump with him in the vicinity because I thought he 'd think I was stupid . I sat on his toilet trying my best to keep my diarrhea quiet and actually crying about it . That 's when I decided I was just making things worse . After I finished , I came out of the bathroom and he asked me what he 'd done . I cried as I explained to him that I had IBS and was pathologically bashful about my bodily functions . I could pee at his place , but the idea of farting or pooping in front of him filled me nothing less than dread . He held me and told me that it was okay for me to be embarrassed , but that it didn 't bother him and to never , ever worry about grossing him out or being embarrassed to poop at his apartment . Over the next few months I worked on it . If I had to poop while I was at his place or he was at my place , I 'd just go . Then one day , another emergency situation arose . I had spent the night at his apartment . The next morning he was in the shower and I suddenly had a flare up . I ran into the bathroom and told him to hurry up and get out because I had to poop . He told me to just go ahead . I said I couldn 't . He said yes I could . Finally , I yanked my underpants down and sat and had diarrhea . It was loud , it was smelly . I was mortified and angry . He leaned out and told me to look at him . I looked up at him and he said , " I love you , IBS and all . " I never thought one of the most romantic moments of my life would occur while I was taking a dump in front of my boyfriend ! After that , while I would still avoid at all costs pooping with him in the bathroom , the fact that having done it once turned out to not be such a big deal took quite a lot of pressure off my shoulders . I knew if I had to I could sit on the toilet and poop in front of him . He and I moved in together about a year after that . So far I haven 't had to poop in front of him , but I no longer feel the need to close and lock the door every time I poop . I leave it cracked , and have even left it open a couple of times . I do this more for myself as a test of my self - confidence than anything . Hello all . Love to read the posts on here , especially from the ladies . I figured I 'd write this post to share a new way and place to take a dump . Well , this morning I got up and had the familiar rumbling in my gut that told me this was gonna be a big one , as well as a messy one . I had the gut cramps that were saying you 've only got minutes to get settled someplace before you end up shitting your pants . Well , knowing how rotten the toilet is in the apartment , and not having enough time to get to my storage unit to sit on my personal crapper , I had to think of something quick . That 's when it hit me . . . we have a garbage disposal in the kitchen sink ! So I take off my pants , hustle into the kitchen , and hop up on the kitchen sink , positioning my ass directly over the hole in the sink , and relaxed . What happened next was I felt a major load shifting rapidly out of my ass and starting hanging out of my ass and going into the garbage disposal . . . Had to be about 10 " long , then the mush started dropping on top of that . I totally filled the hole with shit , and after I was done , I jumped down , and went to wipe my ass in the bathroom . When I came back , the shit had settled down into the hole , so I turned the water on and turned on the disposal , making all my shit disappear down the drain . I ran water down the other side of the sink to clear the pipes of any stink , and then put my pants back on . So maybe if you have a lousy toilet , you might want to try this sometime . It works just like a macerator pump . Don 't worry about being fired by Trev 's mother . She must be very self - centered and let him get away with lots of things . Kind of like he can do no wrong . Why should you clean off that seat and the rest of the stall ? The only way for him to learn is to do it himself . He 's old enough to do that at age six . What 's mommy going to do for him after he messes up a stall at his school ? The other boys aren 't going to be too kind to him about having to sit in his pee for the rest of the day ! Friday night I was at my school 's varsity football game . I 've been casually dating a member of the marching band who plays an instrument called a mirimba or something close to that . Anyway , he has a 5 year old sister Mandy , and a 6 year old brother Justin . Since Adam 's parents needed to work late , he ended up babysitting for the two and he had no choice but to take them to the game with him . Since he was forced to sit with the marching band until after their halftime show , Mandy and Justin had to sit with me . No problem . . . or so I thought . Well , before the game Justin had to go the bathroom . I got to thinking about whether I wanted to take him to the girls or boys and asked my friend who was sitting next to us . She said to ask him whether he had to pee or crap . Justin held up two fingers and said he was in second grade and can crap on his own . I wasn 't so sure since there were about 5 , 000 people in the stadium and I knew the bathrooms would be crowded . So I walked Justin and his sister up like 60 stairs close to the press box where the restrooms area . There was a line extending well outside the girls bathroom but there was no line to the guys room . I walked into the guys bathroom entryway until I could see how busy it was . There were two guys at the urinals and about 12 stalls with no doors . I pointed out that it looked like the first one was open and I ducked back into the entryway after pointing Justin to it . Although I was standing just inside the entrance as I waited , I couldn 't see anything but felt more than a little out of place as about 15 or 20 guys walked bast me . A couple of them were parents and at least one teacher recognized me . Since I was holding Justin 's coat , I think they knew I wasn 't a pervert or anything . About 30 seconds after he went in , I heard the seat drop . It was loud and I made a mental note to tell him that he could use both hands and ease it down . Then I heard four or five loud splashes into the bowl , followed by a sigh and the noise of the spinning of the toilet paper spool . Mandy was growing particularly restless standing at the doorway with me . She tried to stray too far once and I was watching her on one side when I turned about and saw Justin standing next to me holding he jeans up to about mid - thigh level . There was no toilet paper . I immediately pulled his underwear and jeans up to his waste level and thought quick about what my options were . I didn 't want to chance that may be all the stalls were out , so I leaned down and told Mandy to go into the girls room , find an empty stall and pull of some toilet paper for her brother . I don 't think she was gone two minutes before she came enthusiastically running back with pretty much a whole roll in her hands . Justin readily took it and went back into his tall to clean himself . I asked Mandy where she got so much when I had only intended for her to pull off a handful . She has learned to snap the roll off at home and put a replacement on and she had done the same thing this time , not realizing it was a public restroom and would prsent frustrations for future users . Justin came out after about 3 minutes and was bragging about how he " dumped it . " I did , however , send him to the sinks to wash his hands . He didn 't seem to happy having to do it , but it isn 't going to hurt him . Later that evening Mandy had to use the bathroom , too . That will be my next post . Leona My husband has ADD . He forgets to do things , like pee . It 's OK if it 's part of his routine , so at work he pees at lunchtime every day . But when he comes home he forgets until he 's jumping around because he has to go so bad . About once a week he starts to wet his pants before he runs to the bathroom . He gets very angry when this happens . If I tell him to pee he gets angry and then tries to hold it just to show me he didn 't have to go . Whenever we drive a long distance , he has to pee and tries to pretend he doesn 't until he 's almost wetting himself , and then he has to go by the side of the road . He nearly got a ticket once for doing that . He wet his pants once at a neighbor 's barbecue because he wasn 't paying attention . And when he 's doing something he thinks is important he won 't pee until it 's done , and he has started wetting himself when he 's doing projects in his shop in the cellar . It 's worse at home because he drinks beer and cant hold it as long . I told his doctor , who has examined him and said that there 's nothing physically wrong with him . I have to admit I find this all very exciting , and maybe that 's one reason why I married him . The R Man I consider it a personal matter so I do not advertise when I need to go . Yes , it is natural and everyone does it but I try to prevent them from knowing . Even more so If messing my panties is a risk . Okay I work at an office in ohio , and yesterday I was working overtime , from 11 am to closing at 10 pm . Okay so to start off the day I woke up and I felt like i had to go poop , but I only have 45 minutes to get to work , so I throw on a denim mini skirt , with pantyhose and a pink thong . with a Blouse and high heels . So I left my house and the urge went away . When I arrive I went to my office and did work on the computer and filed out papers etc . at about 3pm I started to have the need to go again , but it wasn 't that strong and i thought nothing about it . At 7pm the urge came back strong and I felt like I really had to go poop , but I don 't like using the bathrooms at work , because of the fear of my fellow employees hearing me go , peeing is one thing but i will not have a bowel movement at work . So I just clenched my cheeks counting down time untill my shift was over . at about 8 : 45pm it was only me and my bestfriend Jessica left , and I really had to go poop , I was clenching my cheeks so hard and my hands on my butt . Then Jessica walks over and says Allison are you okay , I started crying and said no I really have to go poop , and i 'm about to have and accident . Jessica said here i 'll help you to the bathroom , but it was to late as soon as I stood up I felt the head of my poop slowly enter my pantyhose , I forgot I was wearing a thong , so that was no help . I just gave one big push and globs of poop filled up my pantyhose sliding down my legs into my shoes , and I just started crying so hard , Jessica said Allison it 's alright accidents can happen to anyone , then she offered to help me clean up , so we went into the bathroom , and I took my shoes off , luckily nothing was inside of them . then Jessica helped me pull my skirt off , amazingly no poop was in my skirt . so I put it on the counter . then the big part came . Jessica started pulling my pantyhose down , my crotch , butt thighs legs , were all smeared with poop when they came off and my thong was a brown mess . So she threw the thong and pantyhose away , and I was still crying . Not shy guy I don 't know if this has happened to anyone else but here goes . One day I went to a tavern in a predominately gay part of town and after several beers had to take a dump . I entered the bathroom and there was the toilet right out in the open , no walls or anything for privacy . There wasn 't even a lock on the door . Right across from me was a stand up urinal . At first there was no one in there as I dropped my drawers and sat down to do my duty . Then all of a sudden the door opens and in walks a patron to use the urinal . By this time I 'm dropping my load when he turns around and and proceeds to say how gross this is . I said to him " Hey when you got to you got to go . " Don 't get me wrong , I am not in the least bit shy however I am not an exhibitionist either . It really made me uncomfortable even so . I 'm ok with people I know , but out in public . I like a bit more privacy . It would be interesting if anyone else has had similar experiences . What do you do in a situation like that ? Upstate Dave I 'm going to make a post about peeing in a car junkyard , being caught , having the person in return that caught me later peed pooped and we even peed together later all in the same day ! First a littel background befoer I get into this one event . It involved a coworker of my fathers . He had his own car junkyard which my father would go to to get car parts . My father doing this I went along at times and made frieds with Peggy my fathers friends duaghter . Her family also had been to my house several times and over time Peggy and I had become pretty good friends always hanging out together . Well this day my father nd I went to my dads coworker friends place to get some needed parts for my moms car . When we got there my dad and I went right up to where all the junk cars were kept . So we had not stopped at the house first . Once in the junk yard my dad and I got out of my dads car and he walked away heading to get the needed parts . I needed to piss very badly so I didn 't go with my dad . Instead almost running I went over between some junk cars that were right there by me . As soon as I got between the first couple of old junk cars I stopped yanked my zipper right down hurridly fumbled with my fingers getting my penis out to piss . I stood there bending back and forth as I fumbled with my fingers trying to open up my briefs . I had to stop and really bare down to keep from pissing myself ! I really had to piss that bad ! I even took my other hand and shoved down the front of my jeans and briefs and grabbed my penis and squeezed it hard with my hand to keep from pissing myself ! I stood there rocking back and forth and even saying outloud ; Come on stop ! Let me get it out ! ( Ever have to go that bad and do the same thing ! ) It seemed forever for me to fight for control . It most likely wasn 't . Thee intense urge to piss did lesson just enough so that I managed still holding squeezing my penis I managed to with my other hand slide them through the seperated slit of my briefs and I let go with the hand down the front of my jeans and yanked my penis out hard through the slit and my opn zipper . No sooner when my penis was sticking out through my open zipper and I hadn 't aimed it yet I started to piss ! My piss stream arced with a very hard stream which was very wide and twisted . It hit right on the junk car that I was standing beside of . The car was three feet from me and my piss being so hard made a hudge splash going everwhere in every direction . Some of my piss was almost comming back and was just missing wetting my sneakers and my pants legs of my jeans . The relief of now pissing was just to great so I just went and pissed the way I was going for at least the first ten seconds . Besides having the big splashing effect my piss made a big wet patch on the front fender of the car that I was pissing on . Dirt ran down the fender with my piss which in effect cleaned the fender off . So it was plainly visible that I had taken a piss on the car it was not from water or rain . Now I did push my penis down so I was no longer pissing so high up on the fender of the car . Then being a boy I started to have a little fun now . I started moving my penis side to side back and forth pssing on the fender , the passeneger side door , and the old flat tire . I made sure that every where I pissed got soaked with piss . I even finished off by pising through the missing window in the car door . That 's where I did end my piss . I then slid my penis back inside my jeans and briefs and pulled up my zipper . I stood there admireing my work . I smiled as I ooked the old car over . I had certainly had piss over a big area of the old car ! I even laughed a littel too as I looked over the old car . That is when I heard clapping of hands and Peggys voice saying loudly ; GOOD JOB Dave ! I spun around and faced her . She was out on the road but was facing towards me . I felt my face heating up . I bet my cheeks were turning quite red ! I said to Peggy ; Did you see me ? Peggy began to giggle but told me she had . In fact Dave just about all of it ! Right when you got your peter out and was still had your hand down inside your pants too , peeing on the fender , and then peeing all over the car and inside of it too . Don 't be so embarrased about it Dave Peggy went on saying . I 've seen boys piss before ! I told her but not me ! Well I have now ! Peggy giggling hard as she said that back to me . I started walking back out to where Peggy stood in the road . My face was feeling cooler so my embarassment was no getting less . Peggy still slightly giggling told me she did see us drive by the house . So thats why I hurried up to come up here and to see you Dave . I said back to Peggy ; You certainly did that ! She giggled harder for a moment . Then Peggy told me that shouldn 't I go up and see what my dad was doing . I told her I better . So the two of us started walking up the road heading in the general direction that my father had gone . As Peggy and I walked along she kept the talk on peeing . For she told me that she had seen one of her girlfiends brother piss and some of his friends piss . So with Peggy telling me all this I asked her if she liked it . She told me in a way yes she did . It also makes me feel funny where I pee ! She laughed hard after telling me that . As we went further up the road getting further back in the junkyard we could now hear my father pounding n what ever he was getting what part of the car he was working on . In several minutes we found my dad and I asked him if he needed any help . He told me no said hello to Peggy . He did tell me that for some of the other parts hhe did forget some tools for them . He was going back home to get them when he was done removing the part he was now working on . Peggy then asked my father if I could stay here . My father shrugged his shoulders and said Why not . Peggy grinned with a big smile . Then Peggy said to come with her . So we left my dad and walked back out to the road . We started walking back down it together . We walked down it far enough we had passed my dads car and were almost back to where I had taken my piss . Peggy stopped walking and seemed to be thinking about something . Then she looked at me and asked me a question . Look Dave since I saw you pee would you like to se me piss ? I smiled and told Peggy YES ! Then I laughed . Peggy asked why I was laughing . I told her that it just occured to me that you say both pee and piss . I find that funny . Most girls always say just pee or piss not both . Peggy thought for a moment and then she let out a giggle . Dave your right I have been saying both pee and piss haven 't I ! Just then we heard the sound of a car comming down the road . It was my father and we both waved as he went by . He waved back at us . In a short moment he was out of our sight . Then Peggy said to me ; Follow me ! So I did . Peggy crossed the road and started going down between the juck cars oppisite the cars where I had pissed . We went all the way back to where what appeared where the cars ended . Peggy stepped between some big berry bushes and I followed her . We came out into another area of junk cars . I told Peggy I never was in this part . She told me this was the second part of her dads junkyard . She pointed over at a old step type delivery van . Thats my favorite place where I pee Dave ! Peggy now hurried over towards the old van . I followed right behind her . This second yard the cars were in not see neat riws . We kind of zig zagged through the junk cars to get to the old van . As we got closer the doors were gone on it but I could see the two seats were still there in the front of the van . Several minutes later we were there at the van . Peggy stepped up inside of it and sat in the drivers seat . I sat down on the passenger seat . Peggy then moved a lever on her seat and she started spinning around in cirlles ! Laughing she told me this is why I like this one as one of my favorite ones of all . I hadthe same lever control on my seat too so I moved it and I joined Peggy in spinning around . We did it until we both were quite dizzy and then we stopped . Peggy had stopped spinning and locked the lever down making her seat face me . So I did the same . Peggy then told me she was raedy to piss . I smiled and told her I was ready to watch her . Now Peggy was wearing shorts and a top . She did get up from the seat so she stood in front of me then . She had on elastic type shorts so there was no zipper , snap , or belt to take off first . Peggy just smply hooked her thumbs insie her shorts over her hips and yanked them right down ! She also had hooked herpanties with her thumbs at the same time and her pale yellow panties went down with her shorts . She smiled for a monet as she stood there letting me look at her . Then she sat down on the edge of the seat but nly for a quick moment too . Her fet dangled in the air dor they didn 't touch the floor of the van . She shook her feet and legs hard enough so she shook her shorts and pnties right off ! Giggling hard she told me now she could go ! Nothing happened for a few shorts seconds . Then Peggy started to piss . She sent out a strong stream which right at the start hissed loudly . Hers tream did angle slightly outward as it went down . Her piss did splash hard on the metal floor of the van . At first Peggy stayed still as she pissed but then she started swing each leg back and forth as she pissed . She also was looking down watching her piss stream but did now look up with a smile at me . I smiled back and we both then wet back watching her piss stream . Peggy pisses hard enough and long enough in that when she came to a dribbling stop . The floor area on her side arond the seat was covered with a thin layer of piss ! Since she had that much piss on the floor it was a good thing that when she kicked off her shorts and panties they landed on the floor on my side of the van . If they had landed on her side of the floor she would have pissed all over them . Peggy even mentioned that it was good luck where her shorts and panties had lnded over on my side . Lauging she told me she would have pissed on them . Peggy then asked me to get out of my seat . I have to step over pretty far and I don 't want to step over here on my side . So I got up from my seat . Peggy reached over with a hand and swung her foot over and pushed off from her seat at the same time . She managed to reach stepping on the floor on my side and then she bent over picked up her panties and shorts . She sat down on my seat and she slipped her panties back on first then slid up her shorts . Now the inside f the van was real warm . Peggy now having pissed the inteior heat added to the smell which her piss did smell quite strong . We both got right out of the van . Pretty smelly in there Peggy said to me giggling . I laughed told her it was . I even told her I could smell piss even when we first got inside . Peggy told me she didn 't but it didn 't surprise her . She told me she pissed in that van a lot . What we did next was take a short cut through the junkyard and went back to the house . We were hungry and thirsty . So we helped ourselves to cold sodas out of the old soda machine her dad had on the porch and we had a big homemade brownie . We sat out on the porch drinking our sodas and eatint the brownies . Then we would take a second walk back into the junkyard together . Let me continuie this . Upstate Dave Hey , my name 's Ricky , I 'm 20 , dark brown air and brown eyes . But enough about me . I will now post here every time I 'll have a girl pooping story . So I was in a mall yesterday , and while walking I saw an emo girl in front of me . She was about 5 ' 6 , black hair with white stripes , brown eyes , pretty face , and a large round butt . Suddenly , she turned around and headed for the unisex toilets . Without thinking much , I followed girl . The mall was rather empty , so were the toilets . When I entered the toilets , she had already taken the middle stall , and I could hear her chains hitting the floor , and her jeans were taken down to her ankles . I entered an adjacent stall , and started to pee . I tried to do it without sound so I could hear her poop . Soon I could hear crackling sounds and in the few moments I heard a silent plop . I realised it was a long solid snake , which didn 't break off . In a few moments , she wiped , then she stood up , turned around , and squatted over the toilet . Soon I could hear her grunt , a loud fart , and then loads of diarrhea pouring out . After that she wiped and flushed again , and left the toilet . almost every time i poo , it blocks the toilet , or i break it up with the toiletbrush so it can go down . but i have an ineresting question . why is it that i can go into the bathroom and in 30 seconds push out a monster that blocks the toilet , while it takes 45 minutes for some people to work out something that DOESNT block the toilet ? does this make sense ? id say my toilets weak but i 'm the only one in my house who ever blocks the toilet so frequently . is 2 minute short for a poo ? 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In the days following my date with Smiles , I was very happy . I felt I finally met a guy I was really interested in who was genuinely interested in me . The possibilities seemed endless . That being said , we weren 't dating yet - Not even in my warped head . There was no reason why I shouldn 't still be seeing other guys . Before I met Smiles , there were a few guys I was trying to set up dates with while I was building up the roster . One in particular worked in a different part of town than I worked in . He was down in the financial district on Wall Street working as a consultant . While New York City isn 't exactly long distance dating , I definitely have a predilection for guys who live / work near where I live and work . It just makes it more convenient to see each other . That being said , this new guy wasn 't eliminated because he was a subway ride away . Like I always say , I 'm an equal opportunity dater . I don 't discriminate , even based on location . We finally found an evening to meet up for dinner after I was done work . When the day arrived , he had quite a busy schedule , but he was still able to step away from the office to grab a quick bite . He picked a restaurant near his office , Plein Sud . It was convenient for me because it was a few blocks away from the World Trade Center PATH station for me to scoot home . I arrived slightly early and waited for him to arrive . He was running a little behind . I didn 't mind because usually I am the one running late . When he arrived , we went in and sat . It was a nice French restaurant . I was expecting something a little more casual , but I went with it . We met on OKCupid . He checked out my profile and messaged me . We went back - and - forth a few times before deciding to try to meet up . We had an active lifestyle in common , so I was willing to meet him without first getting to know each other in - depth over the computer . I wanted to make sure we had plenty to talk about on the first date , even if it wasn 't going very well . We sat and chatted a bit about our jobs . To be honest , I didn 't remember a whole lot about him , but he didn 't recall everything about me either . After discussing what we did to pay the bills , we moved on to where we grew up and where we went to school . He was from Mexico / Texas and still had a thick accent . We had quite a different upbringing and studied very different fields in college . He was a nice enough guy , but we didn 't share all that much in common after all . We talked shortly about what we do for fun before he asked the waiter for the check . Throughout the meal , he kept apologizing for having to make it so quick , but I understood he had to go back to work . There weren 't exactly fireworks between us , so he wasn 't preventing a good thing from continuing . I can 't know what was going on in his head , but he seemed interested in me and asked if we could meet up again . I told him , " I 'm sure we can work something out . " I knew in the back of my head I was never going to see this guy again . He was a nice guy , but I could already tell it would be laborious to find time to get together . Finding friends / lovers shouldn 't be that hard . I was okay the date didn 't go spectacularly . I had my sights set on Smiles . However , I know myself well enough , and I still needed a distraction so I wouldn 't smother him with attention . I continued to look to my roster for dates , but that 's also where The Principal came in . We continued to talk on the phone , text and chat . I needed an outlet , and we already had a budding relationship . I would continue to foster things with him while I investigated the furthering of a relationship with Smiles . Posted by One Gay at a Time in Uncategorized on October 24 , 2011 My great apologies to my dedicated readers , but I will not be publishing this week . I had a death in the family , and I will be traveling and unable to write . Thank you for understanding . I liked chatting with him . I wasn 't sure where things would go between us . We live six hours apart . I tried the long - distance relationship thing with San Francisco , and we could have made it work - He just wasn 't completely compatible with me . I always have my doubts about long - distance relationships , especially with me , but I was willing to give this a shot if nothing else was coming my way . I 'm the kind of guy who needs someone present . I like coming home to a man or going to a movie or laying together on the couch . Distance is not something I welcome with open arms . I never met The Principal , so that threw in a whole other element . Face - time was important to me . If I couldn 't be with him physically , I needed the next best thing - Skype . It wasn 't easy to convince him to come on Skype . It took a lot of arm twisting . When we started , I could tell he was very self - conscious . He was constantly adjusting and fixing himself . He wouldn 't even speak on Skype . He insisted on typing and blamed it on his roommate being home . I kept telling him to relax . " It 's just me , " I told him . Afterall , we developed quite a bond over the phone over the past couple weeks . Me : You look so snuggly right now . Like I could nestle in the armpit and watch TV with you . The real thing would be so much better , but this will do for now 😉 Me : Yes . You come straight from work Friday and leave Sunday afternoon , so you can get home and relax before work on Monday . We can snuggle all weekend . Maybe I 'll show you New York for 5 min , and then , we 'll come right back here . We were both laying it on pretty thick . Maybe I was getting a little carried away , but I really did like him . He seemed like a great guy . Had he lived in the same state , I 'm sure we 'd have been on many dates by then . Me : You get out of it what you put into it . Doesn 't matter where you meet someone . Still think you should have hopped on the ferry and had dinner and drinks with me . I also really enjoyed flirting with him . He responded very well to it , and I could tell he was very attracted to me . I was curious if he talked to anyone else about me . I didn 't broadcast to my friends I was talking to someone in upstate Massachusettes , but I did discuss it with my roommate . P : I haven 't talked to anyone about you . P : Def . takes it to another level - Seeing you and conversation . I want to feel close to you , smell you , nuzzle … I 've only been with 3 - 4 guys ( full intercourse ) , and I def def want to be connected with you bad . P : Obviously I want you for me . I 've been wrecked by you . Not even into talking to guys right now . You fulfill so much already . OMG - You are killing me . We touch base all day every day … The Principal was a really great guy . I really liked him . He didn 't know it , but he was also providing me an invaluable service . He was distracting me from Smiles . I have a tendency to dive in full force , even when I barely know a guy . The Principal was giving me an outlet for this so I didn 't scare off Smiles . I wasn 't exactly using him . I did enjoy conversing with him , and I really did think he was a great guy . But , only time would tell if this relationship had two legs to stand on … Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on October 20 , 2011 My second date with Smiles was off to a great start ! We already walked the entire High Line and grabbed sangria . Now we were on our way to an unplanned dinner . As we walked , he reached down to grab my hand . I 'm terrible at making those first moves , so when he did , I nearly melted into a puddle right there on the street . I loved every second of it . It also gave me the validation he was enjoying my company . We stopped to snap a few pictures of interesting things along the way . I was happy to see he was into photography since this was something I was truly interested in as well . We chatted more on the subject as we walked and stroked each other 's hands . When we arrived at Extra Virgin , I learned why he warned me he was quite the regular . Immediately , the host made a killing fuss over him . He was a tall flamboyantly gay black man who had no qualms about jumping all over Smiles in front of me . I enjoyed the spectacle , especially since Smiles was getting quite embarrassed by the fiasco . We took our seat at the bar and began to peruse the drink menu . Dark and Stormies have become one of my new favorite drinks , especially in a crisp fall day . The bartender asked Smiles what he wanted to drink , and much to my surprise , he replied , " I 'll have a Dark and Stormy . " Of course , when he turned to me , I replied , " I 'll have the same . " We commented to each other how much we like he drink and how perfect it is for this time of year . It was nice to see more and more commonality as the evening progressed . As I was looking over the menu , I settled on the chicken with a mushroom sauce . He was looking over his menu and made the recommendation , " The chicken is excellent . " I informed him I already decided on that and was looking forward to it . Once our orders were placed , we could return to our conversation . We found more and more commonality between us , and I was really enjoying the time I was spending with him . What was supposed to simply be coffee and a stroll on the High Line turned into an all day affair . Shortly after we arrived , a coworker arrived and sat next to Smiles . We didn 't acknowledge each other , and I was okay with that . I wasn 't hiding anything , but I 'm still not out at work . It made for some slight awkwardness , but it certainly didn 't taint my evening . Our meals arrived , and we both enjoyed them thoroughly as the conversation continued . At one point , he stood to use the restroom . As he passed my chair , he put his arms around me from behind and gave me a hug . It was one of the sweetest things any man had done to me in a long time . When he returned , he sat with his hand on my thigh as we chatted . The bartender brought over the desert menu since the host offered it to us on the house . I then took my hand an placed it on his thigh , gently stroking his knee while we chatted . At one point , I removed my hand , and he reached up to the bar and placed my hand back on his leg . I liked his conviction and it sent a clear signal to me he was enjoying his night as much as I was . Following our meal , we walked down the street . He again reached out and grabbed my hand . While walking down a darker street , he guided me across the sidewalk , pulled me in closer , and he planted a kiss on me . These are the little things that really win me over . I was really falling for this guy , which was very interesting since the first date didn 't go extremely well . We came upon a cellist on the street corner playing for all passersby . He took the hand he as holding and pulled it around his back . We stood and listened for a song while he played . It was very relaxing having him leaning against me with my arm around him . I was truly there in the moment and extremely happy . I 'm sure I had a smile from ear to ear . When we decided to continue on , we walked toward the PATH station . We made one quick pitstop in a sex shop on Christopher Street . We looked in the front window at some of the wares the store sold . I wondered if this was a test to see if I could roll with the punches and have fun . I think he wanted to see how I would react , and I performed superbly . We had so much fun talking about everything in the store . He even took pictures of a few things , and we had a good laugh . We continued another block before we were at the PATH station . We stood facing each other talking about how much fun we had . We hugged , and I pulled him in for a few kisses . I wanted to ravage him , but it was neither the time or the place . We had a conversation earlier in the night about making people a priority and seeing the people you care about the most . I acknowledged that conversation by turning to him as he walked away and said , " Let 's do this again soon ! Make me a priority . " After the date , I shot him an email the following day . " So I tried not to jump the gun so much this time … Waited ' til I had some downtime this afternoon to hit you up … Better ? ? Hope the cold calling isn 't too painful ! ( Acknowledging his workday ) Had a great time yesterday ! Hope you negotiated good rates with everyone ( the cellist , bartender , host , Joan Rivers , … ) to play their parts . Would love to see you again , so let me know when you 're free , and we can get together . P . S . Do you think I 'm I phone number worthy yet ? " Shortly after , he replied , " LOL ! yes , # # # . # # # . # # # # . Glad you appreciate my unplanned dating Karma ; - ) " It was great to hear back from him so soon . It showed he was still interested in seeing me . I couldn 't have been happier . It was just a question of when I would get to see him again … Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on October 19 , 2011 While returning home from alumni weekend , I sent an email to Smiles to see if we could find time to get together Sunday afternoon : " Hey dude . Let me know if you 're still up for meeting up tomorrow … " I sent it around 11 : 00 at night , so I didn 't expect a reply until the following day . So , when I got back to Hoboken , I asked around to see who was going out to the bar . No one seemed to be up for anything , so I went home did laundry and watched TV . I woke the next morning to a return email from him saying , " Hey bud , yeah we can work something out . What did you have in mind ? " I replied back , " Your call … Grab bite , drink , coffee , walk High Line … " Apparently , he was already out and about that morning , and he responded , " Just finishing brunch . Let 's grab cords and walk up highland . What time works ? " I was a little confused , but I was used to deciphering autocorrect text messages . " I 'm assuming that cords means coffee and highland means highline … haha I can meet you in about an hour ? That work ? " I responded . He replied , " Ah yes autocorrect . Let 's meet at 4 : 30 at Doma in west village its 7th and Perry I think . " I was very excited but still very relaxed . I was thrilled he was still willing to see me again after the less that stellar first date , but I 've also done a very good job of not getting my hopes up about these dates anymore . I 've had enough bad ones to know the drill now . Yes , I 've become jaded . I arrived at the coffee shop and waited for him outside . When he arrived , we exchanged hugs and went inside to grab coffees . He paid for mine , which I thought was very sweet of him . He suggested we take a walk through the West Village on our way to hop up on the High Line park . As we walked , he told me about the crazy time he had the previous night at the bars and how he was a little less than 100 % . He put his arm around me and explained he was afraid to postpone on me since I was so broken - hearted when he didn 't respond within the first twelve hours after our first date ( in a playful way ) . I was a little embarrassed by my lack of patience and told him he could have postponed on me , and I completely would have understood . We had a good laugh about it . We walked and came upon a band playing in a courtyard . We stopped to listen before continuing on to the High Line . We climbed the stairs to the elevated park and began to stroll along like everyone else . This was the third date I took up there . I could tell Smiles was really enjoying it . He is very interested in architecture and design , as am I , so we had extensive conversations about all the surrounding buildings . I found it utterly romantic when he would turn my attention to a specific building by putting his hand on my shoulder to talk about a specific element . We talked the entire span from 14th street to 34th street . We even passed Joan Rivers and her small entourage while walking . When we reached the top , we walked back down to street level . As we walked back downtown , we talked more . I learned he attended three different Burning Mans in the past . Just that Friday , I watched a movie shot by a bunch of guys who attended this years . It looked spectacular , and I was highly interested in attending . He gave me some of the insider tips , and the conversation shifted to the traveling we 've done . As we were walking through the West Village again , he noted he 'd love to grab a beer and asked if I was interested . We stepped into a nice spot that had an outdoor space in the back , Entwine . We both ordered sangria . When I mentioned I wanted to order hummus and pitas , he noted he had to cut gluten out of his diet . I was rather famished , and I think he realized this . He originally planned to meet his ex for dinner that night , but hadn 't heard from him in some time . Since this was the case , he asked if I would be interested in grabbing dinner with him . Of course I obliged . He mentioned two spots he could think of . I agreed Extra Virgin sounded great . He warned me he was quite the regular at that spot , but I wasn 't quite sure why that warranted a warning . The previous night , while sitting on my couch , I received text messages from a teammate of mine from college . Unbeknownst to me , many of my teammates were attending the wedding of one of the guys I swam with in college . The texts started off saying hi and asking if I was still going up to school the following day , but then they took a turn I wasn 't expecting . A little over a year ago , when I came out from behind the brick wall I built up , I started telling my friends as I felt comfortable with the news myself . I was hosting my annual holiday bash , and I invited many of my teammates from college who were in my graduating year . The guy I was dating at the time would be in attendance , so I felt the need to clue my friends in on this news as not to blindside them if they decided to attend . I sent out emails , text messages and instant messages to many of them . They were all supportive . It was very refreshing to see their positive reactions . I did ask them to all please use discretion since it wasn 't yet public knowledge . I figured by telling them all around the same time , they could chat amongst each other , rather than with the people I hadn 't had a chance to tell yet . Fast forward to today , and many of my younger teammates still didn 't know . That is , until the wedding . I 'm not sure how it came up , but one of the guys I graduated with told one of the younger girls . I do have to say , I 'm surprised and impressed he lasted that long before telling anyone . It was only a matter of a few hours before it spread like wildfire among the rest of the attendees . I 'm certainly not mad about the situation . It 's a slightly uneasy feeling - I felt very vulnerable . I would have preferred telling them myself at a comfortable and convenient time , but what 's done is done . Now , they all know . So the text messages began with : " So I heard you came out . " I acknowledged the statement and asked how he found out . He wouldn 't tell me . He wasn 't going to give up the source . I told him I wasn 't mad about it , but more just curious . I wanted to know who knew , so I wouldn 't say anything dumb or lie to someone who already knew the truth . He finally told me one of our female teammates told him . I asked her where the intel came from and she led me back to the source . The text conversation with my male teammate ended with him telling me he had something to tell me , but only in person the following day . A small red flag went off in my head , but only the following day would solve that question . What couldn 't he send me in a text that he had to say in person ? I assumed they all went up there early to go out to the bars Friday night . When I arrived on campus and found out they were all there for a the wedding , I could only assume my entire team knew at that point . Surprisingly , no one said anything about it to me , and no one treated me any differently . Not that I immediately noticed anyway . We had an alumni swim meet Saturday morning when I arrived at the school . My main concern was not looking fat and swimming at least decently well . I wanted to be the guy who stayed in shape or even looked better than college instead of the pudgy men many of my teammates have become . It was just my inner gay coming out at that point . Much to my surprise , one of the fittest guys on the team asked if I 'd been lifting and commented on how I looked more muscular . I was thrilled . Goal 1 - Accomplished . Then we swam a few races , and I actually had the top time of anyone in the pool . I felt great , especially since many of these guys were much more talented than myself when we were in school . Goal 2 - Accomplished . Following the meet , many of the swim alumni hung out together . We drank in the parking lot , hit up the campus green , toured new buildings , etc . One of the younger alumni , whom I 've never spoke to before , was chatting me up throughout portions of the day . I didn 't really notice this until that evening when I was leaving . One of the guys who lives near me in Jersey and I decided not to spend the night . We just made a day trip of it . When the younger alumni learned of our departure , he came up to me and inquired about us not going to the bar that night . I found it odd he would care I was leaving . Then I remembered the topic of conversation among the group the night before . It just seemed to come out of left field the way he asked the question and said , " Well , maybe some other time then . " Between the drinking on the green and getting in the car to go , I decided to stop by an old friend 's apartment on campus . He was my freshmen dorm 's mentor and a close friend over the years . It had been over a year since we last spoke , and I wanted to make a point to catch up with him . I took two of my teammates with me to visit him . We had a nice chat , and I chuckle when I think back to the point in the conversation where he asked me about dating and marriage . I smiled and told him I was a bachelor , at least for the time being . He is a religious figure , and I wasn 't 100 % ready to tell him right then and there . I do want to take the time to tell him since he is such a good man and good friend , but I still need to find the right timing and setting . On the ride home , I realized my teammate never told me what it was he had to tell me in person . When I texted him , he didn 't remember making that statement at all , and claimed he was very drunk the night he was sending them . He thought it was just who the source of intel was , but I doubted that . I 'm not sure what he had to tell me , but I hope he would feel comfortable telling me whatever it was he needed to say . But maybe it was simply what occurred the night everyone found out . Who knows ? He also took the opportunity to reiterate his support of me and noted he has many gay friends he supports fully as well . It was nice to hear because he was a good friend in college when we swam together . I know he has a big heart , and it meant a lot to hear it all from him . All in all , it was a successful weekend . It 's relieving to know the cat is out of the bag , and I received no negative reactions . I can never know what was actually said or joked about when they found out , but that 's simply human nature . I can only hope they come to accept me for who I am and be happy I 'm finally happy … Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on October 17 , 2011 Things were finally starting to look up for me . I met Sexy Eyes for coffee , and we really hit it off . On top of that , I spent the night in his bed . The compatibility was there on both the emotional and the physical . We both shared active lifestyles and had a lot in common . I was really enjoying the idea of dating him . He seemed like a great guy . Aside from Sexy Eyes , Smiles also showed an interest in continuing to get to know me . We only met for a short period of time over a drink , but he was willing to take more time to learn more about me . I spoke to him throughout the day to make sure we were still on . He had volleyball again that evening . He invited me to join . In fact , he strongly encouraged me to do it . It was open gym play , and he wanted to play with me . I was very intimidated because he had been playing the better portion of his life . I 'm good , but I 'm completely amateur . I 've never had any formal training and have only played recreationally . That doesn 't go to say I wouldn 't play with him in the future , but I wasn 't thrilled with the idea of jumping into that just yet . I 'd only just met him ( I say that as I am now thinking in my head about how we already had sex ) . After work , I went home and relaxed for a bit . He was occupied until about 10 : 00 , so I watched some TV until it was time to shower and get ready . I hopped on a bus into the city to meet him for dinner and was running a little late . I thought since I was late he 'd be ready by the time I got into the city . That wasn 't the case . When I texted him to tell him I was at Port Authority , he told me to come up to his apartment until he finished getting ready . I walked up to his apartment and arrived just as he was finishing up . He answered the door , and we exchanged a kiss . He pulled back quickly and scolded me for not having a close enough shave . I get irritated if I shave every day , and that day was an off day . He complained about his face being sensitive and fear of breaking out . I partially understood , but a larger part of me recognized he was just being a prima donna . I sat casually on the couch which he finished up . I felt very relaxed and comfortable with him . I was constantly joking with him and making witty comments . It was fun verbally sparring with him . That is alway something I enjoy . Finally , it was time to go to dinner . We talked about the different options since it was already 11 : 30 . I defaulted to him since it was his neighborhood , and I didn 't even know what would be open at that hour . I noticed a trend with him . Every time we had a conversation , it was monopolized by him . He was interesting to listen to , but he was also 75 % of the conversation . It wasn 't easy to get a word in edgewise . The conversation was also heavily interrupted by the judgmental comments he made at every passerby . If he wasn 't ripping their outfit to shreds or looking indignant because someone glanced at him , he was ripping apart their walk or the way they looked . He was being entirely over judgmental , and it didn 't look good on him . He even made a comment about how I dress " straight . " He informed me my polo was a bit too loose . " You have a nice body . You should show it off more with a tighter shirt , " he noted . I thought my shirt was actually quite small , and I had no interest in dressing " gayer . " The meal drug on for some time . It was getting late , and I either needed to go home following dinner , or I needed to get up early the next morning because I was going back to my college for alumni weekend . Finally , after dinner and the endless cup of tea he ordered , we got the check and walked back to his place . When he told me to get comfortable and ready for bed , I determined I was spending the night . We hopped into bed under the covers , each in our underwear , and turned out the lights . We started kissing and cuddling until he pulled me over and rolled me on top of him . At that moment , he informed me " tonight it 's your turn , " meaning , I was going to bottom for him since he bottomed for me the previous night . I made a hard stance and informed him that would not be happening . I told him I don 't do that just for anyone , and I have to be dating a guy for some time before I 'm going to give that up ( since I really get nothing out of it on my end ) . He was NOT a happy camper . He even got out his phone to go over the semantics of what I originally said on the subject . Apparently , in a text , I said , " I only bottom for a guy I 'm dating . " I guess in his mind , after coffee and two dates , we were dating - Not the case with me . He started to pout and was getting very combative and confrontational because I wouldn 't bottom for him . " Whatever . It is what it is , " he exclaimed . I laid there for a minute , and finally said , " Do you want me to go ? " He replied , " Where are you going to go ? It 's 2 : 00 in the morning . " I told him I would go wait in Port Authority for the next bus back to Hoboken . He said , " If you want to go , go , but I 'm not asking you to leave . " That was a clear indicator I should have gotten dressed and left , but selfishly I needed sleep . I had alumni events the next day , and spending the night standing in Port Authority was not something I was interested in . Instead , I curled into a ball and laid as far to the edge of the bed as possible with my back facing him . When I woke in the morning , it was a half hour before my alarm was set to go off . I quietly got dressed and was ready to walk out the door . I wasn 't sure if he was awake , and I didn 't know how to address our current situation . I was willing to give him a second chance if he was willing to be understanding on the topic . I stood over him to see if he was awake until finally I reached out and touched his leg . He jumped up and I said goodbye . He picked his head up to give me a kiss and said , " I 'll talk to you later . " With that , I left . There was no way in hell I was going to be the one to make first contact . He treated me like a common hookup and demanded I give it up to him when he knew I wasn 't comfortable with that . Granted he was willing to do it for me the night before , but that was a choice he made . I did not force anything upon him . Of course he never called or texted after that morning . It just proved to me it wouldn 't have been a good relationship , and I was happy to get out when I did . I didn 't need that kind of drama in my life , and I certainly wouldn 't miss it . Over the course of twenty - four hours , the relationship between us completely soured , and I would have to go back to the roster to find a more suitable candidate … Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on October 14 , 2011 After meeting Sexy Eyes for coffee , I continued on to my planned date that evening . I picked up a guy on Grindr one morning taking the car service to work . It was complete chance this happened . Normally , my driver takes the Lincoln Tunnel , but because of traffic , he took the Holland . I was particularly bored that morning , so I pulled up Grindr to see what would pop up . Once I was in New York City , I noticed a guy who had a great smile . I messaged him my standard , " Hey stud , " but I also added " Great smile ! " We began chatting a bit after that and he quickly found a spot amongst my favorites . Over the course of a week , we would chat in the evenings . Many times he 'd be walking home from being out somewhere and pull up Grindr to pass the time . He seemed like a very level - headed guy and I enjoyed our chats . We had a few things in common , but our conversations were never very in - depth . In my typical fashion , I asked him to go out for a drink sometime . He graciously obliged . When I asked him for his phone number , instead I got his email . He wasn 't comfortable giving me his number before we met . I assured him I wouldn 't stalk him , and he could trust me . But , I wasn 't going to pressure him into giving it to me . On a Saturday evening , I sent him an email : " Not to be too forward , but would you have any interest in coffee or brunch tomorrow ? Like meeting new people … Pretty chill … No expectations . You just seem , like a cool down to earth guy … " He replied back , " Normally I would say yes , but I actually have a full day tomorrow starting at 10 until late night . Sometime during the week would be better , this is an unusually packed Sunday . " The response was promising , so I would just have to be patient . I was running a few minutes late for the date , so I sent him an email telling him I would arrive about five minutes late . I got to the bar at 8 : 05 and sent another email letting him know I was standing outside with an umbrella and a blue shirt . After twenty minutes and no word from him , my patience was waning . I began to wonder if I was stood up . I texted the guy who cancelled my OKCupid friend date earlier that evening to see if his interview was over and to see if he wanted to hang out since I was still in the city . I was about a minute from walking the block to the PATH to head home . I also had the prospect of meeting Sexy Eyes again that evening in the back of my head . Just then , a man with an amazing smile emerged from the bar to greet me . I had no idea he was inside this whole time . He apologized for the confusion and told me he could explain . While he was standing at the bar , a man approached him and began chatting with him . All " Smiles " could think of was how much this guy didn 't look like his Grindr pictures ( thinking he was talking to me ) . The guy happened to be there on a match . com date and confused Smiles for his date . After chatting for about ten - fifteen minutes , they realized they were talking to the wrong guy . Smiles hadn 't wanted to be rude while they were talking , so he wasn 't checking his phone . At this point he saw my emails , and he came outside to retrieve me . I grabbed a drink , and we stood in the corner chatting a bit . The conversation started off VERY rocky . I didn 't know what to say , so I said , " So how was work today ? " He replied , " That 's what 's going to break the conversation . Haha . Work was good , " jokingly . The conversation was much easier after that . I learned he was against Grindr in the beginning . His friend encouraged him to download it and use it . His response was , " If I want to take a guy home for a hookup , I can just go to the bar and get one . That way I can see him and feel him up ( as he reached out his hand to feel up my chest ) before I take him home . Why would I need a digital version of that ? That 's not what I 'm looking for . " I couldn 't agree more with his sentiments . He told me after begrudgingly downloading the app , he actually had gone on a few dates from Grindr . None were spectacular , but they were adequate enough to keep him on it . While we were talking , he warned me he had to leave at 9 : 00 because he had dinner plans with a friend . I wasn 't sure if this was the real deal or if he was using it as an out because he thought the date was going so poorly . " I originally thought an hour would be enough time for us to meet for the first time , " he said . I barely had a chance to meet him , let alone get to know him in the half hour we spent together . I was very disappointed . He was very cute , smart , established , successful , funny , active … Everything I look for in a man . I wanted more . After we awkwardly closed our tabs , we walked outside . The date ended with an awkward hug , and I said we should definitely try to meet up again sometime soon . He seemed a bit nonplused , but he certainly didn 't shoot me down . I left the date wondering if I made a bad first impression and if there was anything I could do to repair that . Later that evening around 11 : 00 , I sent him an email stating : " Let me start off by saying your smile pays off even more in person ! But anyway … Great meeting you tonight . Hope we can meet up again some time soon … " And in a follow - up email , I sent , " And my number 's # # # . Use it . " He seemed to be very good about checking his email , but I wanted his phone number . It offered the option to call . I would get it if he chose to text or call me . The next afternoon , I heard nothing from Smiles . I wasn 't angry . I was disappointed . I thought I 'd give it that one last stitch effort . I sent an email saying , " Or I take it you 're not interested … " That 's when I finally got a response . " Easy big guy . Good morning . Haven 't had a chance to get into email yet today . Enjoyed meeting you last night , maybe Sunday we can catch up again for a little longer ? " I felt like a fool . I immediately replied , " Sh * t ! I knew I jumped the gun ! haha Sorry bout that . I should be around Sunday . Hit me up and we 'll figure something out … " I was elated . Apparently I didn 't make that bad of a first impression after all . He was interested , and now I had something to look forward to . Who knew what Sunday would bring ? … Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on October 13 , 2011 After seeing Sexy Eyes on the street with my roommate , I decided to make him a priority . He not only impressed me , but also my roommate . She wanted to date him . He was charming and funny and had a smile and sexy green eyes that gave me butterflies . On my way home that night , I began texting immediately . He was all but begging me to stay in the city that night with him , but I insisted I would not let my roommate walk home alone at that hour of the night . He heavily respected my decision , but also attempted to persuade me to come back on another bus after I walked her home . Instead , I promised we would go out the following Friday . That still didn 't satiate him . He wanted to know why we couldn 't meet Thursday . I explained I had my volleyball league Thursday nights , so I would be unable to meet up . I figured he would understand being quite the volleyball player himself . That of course was a lie . I scheduled a meeting with a guy from OKCupid . It was an interesting scenario . The guy reached out to me originally , but after chatting a bit , I came to learn he was seeing someone . He was just looking for friends . I didn 't buy it of course , but if that 's what he really wanted , I was game . I need gay friends . We scheduled happy hour drinks for Thursday evening after work . He bit . He was extremely excited to see me . Immediately following work , I walked down to the Starbucks closest to his office . He works at a financial law firm and would not be finished for the evening . He was , however , able to step out for about an hour to chat . The conversation was mainly dominated by him , but it was good nonetheless . We talked for about an hour before I told him I needed to head home for volleyball ( my other date ) . Our date ended with a few smooches and a hug . I was really feeling this guy . We shared a lot in common , he was older and had a respectable job , he was very good looking , he was fun to be around … The list goes on . As I walked away , he texted me telling me he wanted to kiss me more , but didn 't want to make a scene near his office . He begged me to come back into the city after my " volleyball game . " I entertained the idea in my head , but I made no promises . Who knew how my next date would go ? I met the next guy at a bar near the Christopher Street PATH station , but that will have to be tomorrow 's blog entry , because as you may have suspected , I wasn 't quite done seeing Sexy Eyes that evening . After my second date , I went home , showered and changed , and hopped on a bus back to the city . Sexy Eyes was just finishing up his own volleyball workout as I was getting to Port Authority . We agreed we 'd go out somewhere , but made no plans . When I arrived at Port Authority , I called him to find out the plan . He told me he just got out of the shower and needed to finish getting ready . He gave me his address and told me to come to his apartment . We would make a decision where to go from there . Somehow , we both ended up in his bedroom just as he finished getting ready . He sat on the bed in front of me , lifted my shirt and began kissing and licking my entire torso . It felt amazing . Between kisses , he asked if I wanted to go out or just stay in . I didn 't need to verbally answer because I was already removing his shirt . I hadn 't had sex since Labor Day . I won 't say I was a big ball of horny , but he was a very attractive and seemed very interested in me and not just my body . I wanted him . Bad . ( Warning : The following may be graphic for some ) Shortly after , he was undoing my belt and unzipping my pants . He was thrilled to learn I submitted to his request to wear briefs . I never wear them , but if a man requests it and thinks I look sexy in them , who am I to disagree ? He then pulled down my briefs and opened his mouth and felt amazing . It had been a while since anyone did anything with my body besides my own two hands , so I was completely enjoying the moment . Things got hotter , and we both ended up on the bed in numerous positions . Throughout the course of our time in bed , he started playfully biting me . I 'm not gonna lie . It hurt ! I went along with it because they were quick , and I have a high pain threshold . But , I wasn 't entirely into it . This was something that may have to be resolved down the road . At the peak of the passion , I was inside him , and we were both thoroughly enjoying ourselves . He finished during the act , and shortly after , I finished myself off . As per usual with the guys I 've been with , he was impressed with my finale . Something I 've learned to take pride in based on the reception it usually gets . He beckoned me to come join him in the shower to clean up so we could snuggle in bed . After the shower , we laid in bed together and watched the late night news . It was getting very late , and I was constantly dozing off . After realizing this , he suggested we turn off the TV and go to bed . After all , we both had work in the morning , and he had to be up earlier than I did . The next morning , we woke at the same time . He hopped in the shower while I read over emails from his bed . When he got out , I hopped in for my turn . He told me he would probably be gone by the time I got out . I was instructed to take my time and just pull the door shut behind me on my way out . I thanked him and kissed him goodbye . That morning , I walked to work with a smile on my face . It was a good night , and I met a good man who seemed to be interested in me . Over the few months I 've been out and single , I 've learned my lesson not to count my chickens before they 've hatched . Maybe I 've become slightly jaded in the process , and this bothered me . But , this was something I needed to start doing so I wouldn 't get my hopes up and get hurt in the end . As he was leaving my apartment the night he came over for a bottle of wine , he casually invited me to attend his next charity event . I was thrilled . He described the two upcoming events and told me he would send me an invitation . One such invitation arrived while I was out at the bar with my sister and my friend , K . I took the opportunity to tell them about this man . They couldn 't fathom how I managed to befriend this man , but both wanted to know how they could also access him . I told them they were more than welcome to attend the charity event with me . The next day , I forwarded them the invitation , as well as to another friend and my roommate . My sister and one of my friends told me they were onboard to attend , even with the $ 50 donation requested during RSVP . As we drew closer to the night of the event , everyone backed out except my roommate , who agreed to go the day of the event . I was thoroughly annoyed . I told my Indiana I would be there , so I couldn 't back out , but I did not want to attend alone . It would have been one thing if they never agreed to go , but that wasn 't the case . My roommate and I walked to the Chelsea art gallery where the event was being hosted . We checked in and looked for Indiana Jones . He was standing in the center of the room greeting all the guests . We patiently waited until he wasn 't preoccupied before we moved in to chat him up . He was very happy to see us ( He met my roommate briefly when he was at my apartment ) . He detailed some of the very important people who were in attendance . It was impressive . That 's as far as the conversation went . Too many people were waiting to talk to him - Understandably so . It was impressive to see some of the results of his work . One of the walls was covered with artwork from some of the students in the school he built in India . It was touching . In the back of the event space , a video was being projected . Much of it was footage from the hospitals and schools and women 's cooperatives he built , but some footage was of him working in the field . My roommate and I found a spot to sit and chat . We weren 't doing the best job mingling and networking . It 's tough to do without an introduction or ice breaker . Eventually , we made our own fun playing " Guess the Price of this Piece of Artwork . " When the evening was coming to a close , we found an opportunity to steal Indiana away for a moment . He apologized for not being able to chat with us more . I assured him it was okay . It comes with the territory of hosting an event . He mentioned coming over for another night and another bottle . I insisted we would have to have him over for dinner some night . He detailed his busy schedule over the coming days , but we agreed we 'd touch base and find time . After leaving the event , my roommate and I went to Bamboo 52 to burn up a Groupon . We had a blast - Lots of sushi and a great dj . When dinner was coming to a close , I texted the sexy Grindr guy who invited me to cuddle a few nights earlier when I was leaving the city . I knew he lived in the vicinity of Bamboo 52 , so I told him to swing by and say hi . It took him some time to get back to me , and by then we were ready to go after closing our tab . I told him we 'd pass him on the street as we walked to Penn Station to take the bus home . We ran into him half way to the bus . He was coming back from tennis . This was the first time meeting him , and I have to say , I was impressed . He looked great and seemed like a very nice guy . He complimented my roommate while still flirting with me . It was a quick ten minute interaction , but it certainly left me wanting more … |
This has been an incredibly sucktastic ( as James would say ) month and I am not the least bit sorry to see it go , other than the nice weather , it being light out until bedtime , and not having to dodge school children on my way to work in the morning . I hit the 18 month mark of James ' passing on the 6th and I have done a lot of grieving since then . This is the first month since he died I have not been constantly on the go and I do believe that because I have been keeping myself so busy for the last year and a half , I have shoved down some of my grieving instead of dealing with it head on and now I am doing just that . While it is difficult , I know it is something I need to work through now so it doesn 't come back to bite me in the rear later . On top of that , I had the incident with the doctor 's visits and the late Friday afternoon call I had to wait all weekend to return . That turned out well , but it was still nerve - wracking to wait it out . I am having a hard time knowing that I have something inside of me ( fibroid ) that is most likely growing and could lead to problems down the road . My friend discovered a lump in her neck about this time and the doctor found masses in two lymph nodes . Fortunately , the biopsy turned out to be benign and I felt like I lost 20 pounds when she told me . Another good friend had a biopsy done and was diagnosed as being in the very , very early stages of skin cancer . Luckily , she went in when she did as it was caught so early it is not even rated as stage 1 . In between all this , I had two incidents with Charlie . The first was when he threw up 3 times one night between 11 : 00 and 1 : 15 am . He seemed fine when I got up so I went to work , only to come home and find he had thrown up 9 times while I was at work . Since we already had an appointment for his and Sammy 's ear infections , I discussed this with the vet as well . Blood tests came back normal , but he could not keep anything down for almost 2 days and had to go on a special diet for 2 weeks , and take antibiotics and anti - nausea medication . He Posted by This weekend , I did something I have not done since I was a teenager : I went camping . Back in June , our best friends reserved several spots at Lake Sylvia , a state park about 2 1 / 2 hours northwest of here . When it first came up , I declined the invitation . For the most part , I don 't have my own camping equipment and I didn 't want to be the only single person there . But last month when a couple backed out and a spot became available , I agreed to take it . I keep saying I want to try more outdoorsy stuff , and I didn 't want my friends to have to eat what they had paid for the spot . So last Sunday afternoon I went over to my friend 's house to pick up his tent . He also sent me home with two solar powered flash lights , two air mattresses , a camp table , a cooler , two OJ container ice blocks and a 6 - pack of beer . He tried to send me home with a head lamp , walking sticks , a hatchet , his hat and his portable GPS unit , but I was a little overwhelmed and decided I didn 't need those things . In hindsight , the head lamp actually would have made it easier to unzip the tent at night . And , I begrudgingly admit the GPS unit would have come in handy this morning , but luckily , I seem to have this innate ability to get exactly where I need to be despite having no clue where in the heck I am . It really is a gift . Friday afternoon , I met my friend and 4 others at her house to follow them up there . I had been having reservations about going and almost bailed at the last minute . Camping is something I never got to enjoy with James . We agreed that we would start getting " stuff " after the wedding , which of course , never happened . This is an annual camping trip and this is the first year we would have gone . This ended up being something I did as part of my new life and I have not yet gotten to the point where I can do these new Heather things without sadness and a lot of tears . A couple of odd things happened on the way out . As I was leaving my house , I was already frustrated because I was running late . When I backed out of the garage , the commerPosted by For most of our relationship , money was tight . We were living paycheck to paycheck with little extra and were up to our eyeballs in debt . We were eventually able to get to a position where we were comfortable although we still had to be careful . I told James the last thing I wanted was to end up back in a position where we were living paycheck to paycheck . He said we would be fine . We were older , wiser , had better paying jobs ; that those days were a thing of the past . Not long after that conversation , he died . I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about a lot of different things all relating to various aspects of life : where it was , where it is and most importantly , where I would like it to go . Earlier today , I was thinking about where my life was 10 years ago . I was living in a decent sized 1 bedroom apartment in Portland that had a thermostat that read 80 no matter how hot or cold it really was . I was living a couple of miles from work , working from 7 : 00 - 4 : 00 . I could leave home at 6 : 45 and skate in just as the time clock hit 7 : 00 . I was living paycheck to paycheck and the credit card debt was starting to mount as I had pay periods where I couldn 't even afford groceries . I had a couple of great friends I hung out with regularly , but didn 't have any single girl friends to pal around with . I was just starting to get into volunteering as a way to get out of the house and meet people . I tried online dating , but was getting nowhere . I was very lonely and miserable and was convinced I would never meet anyone - that I was destined to be alone . A few months later , I met James and everything changed . I had the good life for just over 8 years . And then , in a split - second , it was ripped away from me . From us both . And now I sit here almost 19 months after that horrible night and I am living paycheck to paycheck and the credit card debt is starting to mount because I have pay periods where I can 't quite make it stretch far enough . I live 4 . 5 miles from work and work from 7 : 00 - 4 : 00 . I leave my house at 6 : 45 and I skate in Posted by Last night I had one of those moments that made me feel perhaps someone is looking out for me after all . My bedroom has a pitched ceiling . There is a smoke alarm on the pitch and I have been dreading the day the battery in it dies as I know that I am going to have to drag the 300 lb ladder up the stairs by myself , figure out how to set it up , and then actually climb up it to reach the stupid thing . The ladder is one of those that can bend in about 50 directions and as I found out when I went to put up the Christmas lights , it is not very cooperative . And I don 't like being up on ladders . So , last night around 8 : 30 , when I heard the obnoxious beep coming from the bedroom , I thought the time had come . I happened to glance at the keypad for the alarm system and saw it had extra words on it . Turns out the beeping was a low battery warning and I needed to call the security company . I feel someone was watching over me because if the alarm panel had started beeping in the middle of the night , it would have scared the crap out of me and even after figuring out the problem , I would not have been able to go back to sleep . As I dialed the 1 - 800 number I had a moment of panic - what if this isn 't a 24 - hour line and I have to listen to that damn thing beep every 10 seconds all night ? Luckily , it was a 24 - hour line and he told me how to make the beeping stop . He said that for $ 50 they could come change the battery or he could e - mail me the instructions and I could do it myself for about $ 25 . Hmm , there 's a no - brainer . So today after work , I headed to Radio Shack with my 4 pages of instructions on how to change the battery . I made the poor kid feel bad . I told him what I needed and he showed me where they were and helped me find the right one . I went to grab one and he said he would carry it for me because it was kind of heavy . I am guessing this was his polite way of saying customers are not allowed to touch unpaid merchandise . I said I was going to be the one changing it so I was going to have to get used to it anyway . He innocentPosted by I thought it was bad a week ago Friday when I came home to a message from the doctor 's office and had to wait all weekend to call them back . Then I came home from work this past Friday to discover I could not open any websites . I did the ipconfig / release and renew thing and saw I had an IP address . I tried to get online again and still could not . So , I reset the modem . Still nothing . I called Comcast . Twenty - six minutes later , Comcast Guy told me without a shadow of a doubt there was nothing wrong with my connection . That was a bit of a bummer for three reasons : first , he couldn 't fix it . Second , I couldn 't pitch a fit and demand a credit for not having service . And finally , James was my computer fixer . My next call was to James ' cousin . Her husband built the computer so I figured he might know a thing or two about fixing them . We went through some tests and determined , again , I did not have a hardware problem . So , I called the Geek Squad and impressed them with my knowledge of what wasn 't wrong with the computer . After going over all my options , I decided it would be best for me to just take it in . After all , I couldnt ' sit around and wait for them to come out and fix it some time this week since I couldn 't log in to work from home . After my volunteer shift on Saturday , I dropped it off and sure enough , it had a nasty virus , which luckily , they could fix . They said it could take until Tuesday . Tuesday ? ! I was supposed to be cut off from the world for 4 whole days ? ! Oh the horror . This got me thinking about how reliant we have become on computers . I had not yet Mapquested ( is that even a word ? ) the directions to my volunteer project for Saturday . I planned to do that Friday night . Luckily , I had looked up the farmer 's market where it was taking place so I had a rough idea of where it was and how to get there - from home . Problem was , I needed to get there from my chiropractor 's office , which is on the other side of town and right off the freeway I don 't usually take . Luckily again , I was volunteering with my good frPosted by I have been thinking lately that I need to start exercising and eating better . I haven 't been taking good care of myself because I just haven 't cared to . James is gone and while I don 't have a death wish , I don 't really have much of a will to live either if it means spending the rest of my life alone and with the pain of missing him . As a result of this , my serotonin levels are almost non - existent . I have no energy and my emotional state has been very low and continues to drop . I know I need to make this change . My therapist and I discussed it on Monday . She suggested I join the YMCA . I think that is a good idea if I can afford it . I drive by it every day on my way to and from work so I would have no excuse not to go . It would help my mood and my overall health considerably . The pains in my side would subside . I know I need to do something but still am having a hard time with that last push of motivation . ( The extreme heat is not helping matters ! ) I got that today in the mail . I had two things from the doctor 's office . I figured it was my little post card from my ultrasound and pap and the pamphlet they said they would send about fibroid tumors . It was the pamphlet and the results of my glucose and cholesterol tests . I was expecting my cholesterol to be high and my glucose to be fine . I figured my high cholesterol would motivate me to take better care of myself . Last year , my cholesterol was 218 . This year , it is 197 . Woo - hoo ! ! Bacon cheeseburger , here I come ! ! My glucose is fine too . The upper end of the normal range is 99 mg . Mine is 99 . You would think that would be a relief and it is and it isn 't . Yes , it is normal - barely . One more mg and I would be considered pre - diabetic . I am 35 . When my dad was 35 , he was as healthy as a horse . He did not develop diabetes until he was in his 40 's . He died when he was 53 . I don 't want that to be me . And it very easily could be if I don 't start making some changes now . Even though the results are normal , this scares me . This scares me so much more than the thought they could be wPosted by Every now and then a situation comes up in which I think about how different things would be if I ruled the world . Usually , this happens when my friend and I have volunteered together and are not happy with how the project was run . As we leave , we discuss all the ways we would have made it better and give the organization a strike . Two strikes and they are out . Yes , we are volunteer snobs . And we are okay that . Then there are the times when I fly solo when it comes to ruling the world . This is one of those times . If I ruled the world , chocolate would be a major food group . Izzy would have been killed off of Grey 's Anatomy , not George . And if I ruled the world , doctor 's offices would NOT be allowed to leave messages on a Friday afternoon . Last Tuesday , I went in for my routine yearly exam . Only this time it wasn 't quite routine as Dr . M . decided that I needed to have an ultrasound and it needed to be done in the next two weeks . This was due to some nasty pains I have been experiencing during " that time " - basically , feeling like I am being stabbed in the right ovary with a very hot , very sharp knife , which makes me want to rip them both out and sell them on eBay ( it 's not like I 'm using them for anything ) , which apparently you can 't actually do . Well , no one currently is anyway - I checked . In addition to that , she couldn 't get a good exam on the little sucker . Luckily for me , I was able to get an appointment the next day . Goody . I was not looking forward to drinking 50 bazillion gallons of water and then having someone press on my bladder . I even tried to find a loophole to get out of the water drinking , but was shot down ( boo ! ) . So , I drank my 2 bottles of water , declared myself the water chugging champion , and then threw up a good portion of it . ( I 'm pretty sure that means I have to relinquish my title ) . Naturally , I did this at work . Fortunately , there were no witnesses ( the pie eating contest scene from " Stand by Me " is coming to mind ) . I got to the clinic and was asked if I drank all my water . " Yes I did . " It 's not Posted by Once upon a time , Boy met Girl . Boy liked Girl so he asked her on a date . Girl thought Boy was cute so she said yes . A year later , Boy proposed to Girl . A year after that , Boy married Girl and they lived happily ever after until Boy died of old age , and heartbroken , Girl died a few months later . Ah , the good ol ' days of dating . It was so straightforward and simple . I like straightforward and simple . I am not sure when the good ol ' days ceased to exist or even when they started fading away but I think it was about the time I jumped out of the dating pool and into what was supposed to be my happily ever after . In the Spring of 1998 , I met a boy one night at a bar . By the time the bar closed , I was very much the smitten kitten and I gave him my home phone number . When he called the next day , I gave him directions to my apartment so we could go on a date . I didn 't tell anyone I had a date - I just went out and had fun ( 8 hours worth ! ) . We dated for a little over 2 months and then he decided that he wanted to try to win his ex - wife back so he could raise her kids . I don 't think I even got around to telling all my friends I was even seeing someone . About this time , online chatrooms were becoming very popular ( because what else were you supposed to do with 50 bazillion free hours from AOL ? ) . Well , this is when I discovered them anyway . I chatted with a few people regularly - mostly people who lived far away - but a few locally as well . I even met a few , and I met them all in public places but didn 't tell anyone I had dates . Probably stupid on my part , but online dating had such a negative stigma attached to it and I of course was scarred by my dad 's disappointment in my inability to land a man . I didn 't want my friends to think I was a loser too . Nothing ever came of this attempt at dating and I gave up trying to meet people locally and went back to national chatrooms just to have someone to " talk " to . But even then , you really had no idea who you were really " talking " to . In December of 1999 , when I met James , the tide was turniPosted by Apparently I have done such a good job of disposing of dead mice I have " graduated " to bigger rodents . Yea me ! Tuesday , I had every women 's favorite doctor appointment . I won 't go into details , but the result of that appointment was my doctor decided I should have an ultrasound within the next two weeks . Lucky me , they could fit me in the next day at 5 : 00 . Since I was going to be late getting home on Wednesday , I came home at lunch to " release the hounds " as I like to say , just like I always do when I am going to be late . As I pulled into the driveway , I saw a cat in my yard and wondered why that cat seems to think it lives here and why it looked " off . " I was looking at it from the side . As I came to a stop , it looked at me and I realized it looked different because it was a possum not a cat . This was the first time I have seen one that was still alive . They are usually roadkill when I see them . Actually , the first time I saw one , I had no idea what it was and we had to look it up online because James wasn 't sure either . I 've lived in the NW most of my life and having never seen one before , I didn 't realize they lived here too , right smack dab in the middle of Suburbia . I looked at the possum and thought " crap . There is a possum in my yard . " The only thing I know about possums is they are wild animals and they are mean . And they get hit by cars a lot . So , being the intelligent woman that I am , I decided I should see if I could get close enough to it to take a picture . ( Yes , the first part of that sentence was highly sarcastic ) . So , I got my phone ready and crept closer and closer thinking the entire time that was definitely not the smartest idea I have ever had . It was by taking the picture , which I apparently took at a weird angle since I can 't get it right no matter how I rotate it , that I discovered the poor thing was injured . Earlier in the day , I had received a call from the doctor 's office that my blood pressure was unusually high and they wanted me to have it checked again . Finding an injured wild animal in myPosted by Last weekend , I did something I have not done in a very long time . After spending most of Saturday with a friend , I came home and decided to curl up with a book . Normally , I only read before bed . After looking through my stack of books to be read , I chose " The Lovely Bones " by Alice Sebold . I was hesitant to read this book . It is about a 14 - year - old girl who is raped and murdered on her way home from school one day . She then narrates from Heaven how her death affects the lives of her family and friends . I thought it would be really sad and that I would just bawl my eyes out . I actually found this to be a book I could not put down and found seeing how the family was able to heal inspiring , even it was a fictional account . I did tear up when the dog died , even though I knew that was inevitable . ( Shocking , I know ) . So , I read from late Saturday afternoon well into the night and then picked the book back up Sunday afternoon around 1 : 00 and read for several more hours . Now , all I want to do is curl up on the couch and read . I want to hide out from the world with my nose in a book . I have moved on to " Lean , Mean Thirteen " by Janet Evanovich . The books in this series are always lighthearted . I just want to escape from reality and shut the world away . I am not entirely sure what has brought this on . I love to read - I always have . So maybe it is in part because there are so many books and so little time . Maybe it is because books are reliable - unless they are really bad , they don 't disappoint . Or maybe it 's because the weather has been kind of blah and what better way to spend a rainy afternoon than with a good book to keep you company . Maybe it is because I have been so on the go lately that this is my mind 's way of making me slow down for a bit . Maybe my mind just needs something other than my life to focus on . So , that 's where I am right now . Sitting here writing about books while wondering what kind of mischief Stephanie Plum is about to get into this time . I think I 'll go find out . Because James died without a will , his estate had to go through probate . As part of this process , a notice to creditors was published in the local paper , giving creditors until X - date to file a claim for any amounts due to them . If they didn 't file a claim , they could no longer attempt to collect the money . As we were not yet married and Washington is not a common law state , they can 't come after me for the balance either . I was only liable for anything with both our names on it . James and I both had cards from the same credit card company . When he died , he had a balance on his of about $ 420 . 00 . This was not a card my name was attached to , so I didn 't pay it . They didn 't file a claim meaning they have to write off the balance . Friday the phone rang and I saw it was the credit card company . I didn 't answer it . My first thought was that they had decided now that some time has passed , they were going to try to collect James ' old balance again . I ignored them again on Saturday but answered it yesterday realizing they were not going to give up . I decided if they were calling about his card , I would just give them the lawyer 's name and number and let him deal with it . They were calling about my card . I have had my card for years . Many , many years . I have never been late , which the Credit Card Man thanked me for as part of his opening statement . And I always pay more than the minimum balance , which it turns out is why they were calling - sort of . I always pay the credit card last and last month misplaced the water bill , which I needed to pay first so I could calculate out how many days until payday and how much I could pay the credit card and still leave myself enough of a cushion ( Starbucks ain 't cheap ! ) . It was getting close to the due date for the credit card bill , so I looked to see what the minimum balance due was . It was $ 48 . 96 . So , I sent them $ 50 so I would at least get something to them on time with the intention that I would send them more this week when I sit down to pay bills again . Credit Card Man thanked me for Posted by For some odd reason , the time stamp is off on my Yahoo account . Since it 's not my main account , I am not really concerned about it . Last night , I got a message around 9 : 30 that was dated 08 / 08 / 09 . I knew that today was the 8th - I have known today was the 8th for a while now and I didn 't think anything of it until I saw the date actually written out : 08 / 08 / 09 . And I felt like I had been hit with a ton of bricks . Shortly after we started dating , James told me he never intended on getting married . Basically , he hooked me in and then dropped that bombshell . Over time , I accepted it but secretly hoped he would one day change his mind . Still , no one was more surprised than I was when he proposed after 7 years and 1 week of dating . I was not one of those girls who had her entire wedding planned out and was just waiting for the groom to enter the picture . Since I wasn 't planning on getting married , I had never really given it a lot of thought . So , when James proposed , I had no idea where to begin but I knew that we needed a date and place . And I knew that I wanted it to be outside , which did kind of limit our options . We both really liked the idea of getting married on 12 / 31 / 09 - what better way to celebrate our 10th dating anniversary than with our wedding ? We also liked the idea of having it in Vegas - with the stipulation that Elvis was NOT invited . However , our guests all would have had to fly to Vegas and on a holiday , that just was not feasible . Plus , we got engaged in January 2007 and I didn 't want to wait almost 3 years to get married so we were back to square one . A couple of months later , James called me at work . He was having lunch with our best friends at a Chinese restaurant and called to confirm I was born in 1974 . When I verified that yes , I was indeed born in 1974 , he told me that according to the Chinese horoscope on his menu we were compatible . I told him I was glad we had the blessing of the Chinese to get married because I had been worried about that . We laughed and hung up . Then , I found out that the number 8Posted by 547 days . 78 weeks . 18 months . 1 1 / 2 years . That is how long it has been since I last saw James alive . It was a Wednesday morning that started like any other and with absolutely no indication of how it was going to end . I am having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact it has now been 18 months . Part of me still expects him to come waltzing in any time now . Part of me accepts that is never going to happen . I think that part of me is getting bigger as my life with James is starting to feel like it was a really long time ago . Some days , I even wonder if it happened at all . Looking around me , or down at my right hand where I now wear my engagement ring is a reminder that it did . The raw pain is gone , but still creeps back from time to time . In its place is a deep sadness and a longing to have my life back . The loneliness is the hardest part - not so much the coming home to an empty house , although that does suck , but the loneliness that comes from not being able to share the funny little things that happen during the day - the things that don 't really matter until there is no longer anyone to share them with . And the loneliness that comes from not having anyone to discuss the things that do matter with . It makes me wonder what the point of living is when you don 't feel alive . I long to feel alive . My head has come to accept that I will not be spending the rest of my life with James . My heart knows this too but doesn 't completely understand how I can sit here and think of betraying James by loving someone else . It may not have been in front of God and all our friends and family , but in my head and in my heart , I vowed to love him and only him for the rest of MY life . I did not put a disclaimer in there that says " null and void should he die at the age of 41 . " Who the hell thinks that is going to happen at our age ? I did not get to say good - bye ; though I know he would want me to find love again , I wish he had a chance to tell me that is what he wanted for me . Maybe I wouldn 't feel so guilty about wanting to move forwPosted by I heard this song the other day . It is one I have heard many times before , but it had been awhile , and it really fits my mood as of late . " One More Day " by Diamond RioLast night I had a crazy dream A wish was granted just for me , It could be for anythingI didn 't ask for moneyOr a mansion in MalibuI simply wished , for one more day with youChorusOne more dayOne more timeOne more sunset , maybe I 'd be satisfiedBut then againI know what it would doLeave me wishing still , for one more day with youFirst thing I 'd do , is pray for time to crawlThen I 'd unplug the telephoneAnd keep the TV offI 'd hold you every secondSay a million I love you ' sThat 's what I 'd do . With one more day with youChorusLeave me wishing still for one more dayLeave me wishing still for one more dayI wonder when the " it gets easier " part starts ? The first time James met my dad , I left them alone in the garage for awhile so Dad could talk to James about whatever it is fathers talk to the 34 - year - old man their 26 - year - old daughter is shacking up with when they meet for the first time . Given that we were already living together , there wasn 't really anything Dad could say or do , but James was the first guy I dated in which the relationship got the " meet the parents " stage . Dad had waited a long time for this moment and I wasn 't going to spoil it for him . I never asked what they talked about , but afterward , Dad said to me " I like him . Damn it . " He also told me that if anything ever went wrong in our relationship , it would be my fault . ( Upon meeting James , my mother said the same thing about any future discord being my fault - almost word for word . And people wonder why I have little confidence when it comes to dating ) . When I went out to the garage to make sure James was still in one piece and not about to hightail it back home without me , Dad said to me " So , you 're getting a dog , huh ? " I don 't remember my exact response but it was something along the lines of " um , no . " I was a cat person . James thought cats were and I quote " a complete and total waste of fur . " Kittens were okay , except they grew up to be cats . James wanted a dog . I did not . In my opinion , that was the end of the discussion . And it was - for about a year . I am not sure how it came up again , but eventually , I relented and agreed we could get a dog , as long as it was small . We researched dog breeds for 6 months before settling on a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel . They are very cute , very expensive and the one breeder in this area kept having " false alarms " when it came to her dog being pregnant . After the second false alarm and no time table on when there would actually be a litter of puppies , we decided she was unreliable and started our search again . Three weeks later , I decided I wanted a Lhaso Apso and had picked out a breeder for us to go visit . This was when James told me he really wanted a spaniPosted by Last night at bunco , my friend and I decided that if my tentative plans for today fell through , we would pack up our blankets and our books and head to the river . My plans fell through . So , after taking my friend 's 15 - year - old to lunch and dropping him off at home , we headed to the river and spent more time talking than reading , mostly about a certain someone who continues to make my head spin in circles and keeping my options open so I don 't let a good thing slip away while waiting for my head to stop spinning . I told her that it would be a lot easier to keep my options open if I actually had options , which I thought was a very valid point . After she decided she didn 't want to battle bugs anymore , ( they didn 't like me - I must smell bad or something ) , we headed back to her house to finish our books and work on her puzzle . Yeah , we 're wild like that . The puzzle is proving to be a real bitch though . It 's a 3 , 000 piece puzzle of the castle James was going to take me to in 5 - 10 years when we went to Germany so he could custom build a BMW . My friend did not know this when she got and asked me to help with the puzzle . I 've been working on the sky . A good friend is one who comes over and does the crappy part of your puzzle so you can focus on the fun part . As the afternoon wore on , the mild sinus pressure I had when I left the house this morning continued to build up and grow into a headache ( guess I still need the allergy meds ) . Her son was playing in an out of town soccer tournament and we were getting regular updates on the game as not wanting to leave a 15 - year - old home for an entire weekend unattended and a sick puppy prevented her from going , which was absolutely driving her nuts . After finding out that we won the game against the # 1 team in the region due to her boy ( my godson ! ) scoring the only goal of the game ( yea ! ! I am SO proud of him ! ! ) , I decided to come home to see if taking out my contacts would help with the sinus pressure ( it made it worse ) . As I was leaving , she told me that she was going to post personal Posted by This morning , I posted on Facebook I liked that the service man came at the beginning of the two hour window instead of the end as it meant I could do something today besides sit around and wait . A friend responded that now I could take the puppies to the park . I thought " why not ? It 's too nice of a day to be cooped up inside feeling sorry for myself because I don 't have anyone to spend this gorgeous day with . " ( Now that it 's over 80 , I have changed my tune ) ! So , after the bug man left and I ran a couple of errands , in an act of defiance , I loaded up the dogs and the camera and headed for the dog park located about 3 miles from here . The dogs are 6 1 / 2 years old and this was their first trip to a dog park . Shortly after we got them , someone started leaving bits of poisoned meat in a dog park in Portland . When James saw the story on the news , he decided that our boys would never go to a dog park because it wasn 't safe enough . I thought this was a bit excessive - it was only one park , and we wouldn 't have taken them to a park in Portland anyway . The funny thing about this was that I am the one who has always been overly paranoid and obsessive when it comes to Sammy and Charlie . But , it wasn 't something that was worth arguing over , so we never took them to a dog park . Doing it today was really a " screw you for dying " moment on my part , the result of almost breaking down at the store after addressing the cashier by her name . It is an unusual name , and I only know how to pronounce it because James once asked her about it . When we got to the park , the boys were less than impressed . It 's really just a big , fenced field sectioned off for big dogs and little dogs . At first we were the only ones there , but then a man came with his big dogs and a couple came with a little dog . We didn 't stay long . It was a little warm out , and Charlie and Sammy kept going back to the gate . Maybe we will try again on a cooler day . Or maybe they knew this is a place they weren 't supposed to go . Sammy in motionBig dog trapped in a cocker spaniel bodPosted by |
You can hardly take care of yourself , what makes you think that you can take care of animal ? There are more reasons beyond that sweetie , reasons you would just never understand at your age . A dog is just not an option for us this year , your mother and I are sorry . I was the type of person who didn 't ask for much unless it was Christmas or my birthday . So once my birthday came around , I finally got the courage to ask my parents for what I had been dreaming about ever since I was a little girl . A puppy . I fell in love with the idea of having a puppy one rainy , spring day when I was 6 years old . My mommy needed to stop at the grocery store on the way home from picking me up from school so I tagged along with her . As we got out of the car , I noticed something moving behind a tree near the store . Out of curiosity , I ran to the tree with my navy rain boots squeaking after me each step of the way . I heard my mom yelling after me telling me to come back but I did not listen . I slowly approached the tree and saw a dog all alone rolling around in the grass . My first instinct was to call my mom over to me to come look . As she ran to where I was , I yelled out to her and said , She explained to me that a dog that was all alone like this was called a stray dog . She didn 't want to take the dog back to our house and post signs around the area because there was no guarantee that the owner of this small Chihuahua would call . Instead , my mom wanted to make sure the dog was healthy and then drop it dog off at a dog shelter . As we rode in the car to get to the vet , the puppy laid in my lap . Her tiny brown paws rested on the seat while her head was rested on my soggy pants that the rain soaked up . I stroked her smooth , thin fur during the whole car ride . That was the first time I had ever held a dog in my entire life . I temporarily named her Lacy so we could give the vet a name . It was in that very moment when I realized that I wanted my own dog to take care of . Even though I just met that dog and I didn 't know the story behind it , I believed it was a sign that I should get a dog . 3 years has passed since I first met Lacy and I still haven 't forgotten about her . Once I open the door to my room , I walk in and rush to the window . I turned my head to the park that was next to my house and see people walking their dogs . Individuals were always walking their dogs and it never seemed to bother me until I knew it would never be me . I then imagined that as my family . Our dog on a leash , leading the way , while my mom , my dad , and I are behind the puppy feeling laughing at her every move . I soon hear a knock on my door and quickly shut my dusty blinds and snap back into reality . My door cracks open and my father 's head peeks through , " I want to let you know that I 'll be out of town today and Sunday , but I will be back just in time for your birthday on Monday . Come give me a hug before I go , " He said as if he was trying to sound as if we did not just have a conversation about him ruining my birthday . My dad travels a lot for his job so I am hoping he doesn 't get caught up in his work and forget my birthday . It was bad enough that I wasn 't getting my dream dog , I didn 't want my dad to not be there . I run to him putting on a smile and give him a hug . I figured that being upset with my parents would not help my situation . Although I was upset , I was not going to let this define me . My mother once told me that it isn 't about how you act when you everything , but how you react when you have nothing . The weekend went by pretty fast . My mom and I spent the whole day together on Sunday going shopping as an early birthday present . Once we got back to the house , I knew I was definitely not getting a dog . I was learning to be okay with that but I suddenly lost control . My feet had a mind of their own and rushed up the steps . I slammed the door shut quiet enough so that my mom wouldn 't hear , but strong enough that a picture on my wall fell down , blowing to an empty corner of my room . My eyes began to water and soon enough , I felt a tear drop down my hurt face . One came after another and I began to just let it all out instead of hiding it in . I felt a connection with Lacy . Although she was just a dog , I wanted to tell her everything . I never got that chance and now that I am not getting a dog , I never will . After drawing from an old coloring book to relax myself , I climbed into bed . Anxiety filled my stomach about how tomorrow was going to turn out . My thoughts soon faded into nothing and I felt my eyes shut slowly . The next morning began with my mother bursting into my room singing happy birthday to me . My smile brightened as I became more and more awake . She handed me a tray of orange juice , bacon , and pancakes , my favorite . Everything looked amazing ! Only one thing was missing - my father . I gave my mom a big hug and right before I was about to ask where my dad was , I heard singing from down the hall , " Of course not , daddy . Thank you so much . " I said trying to focus on the good and not the fact that I had no dog . I thought back to my weekend reminding myself that I will do just fine without a new puppy . My mom suddenly pulled out her video camera out of her blue jean pocket and I just sat on my bed looking confused . I was thinking that maybe he got me a key chain or something on his way home . My mom pointed the video camera towards the narrow door as my dad joyfully walked back into my bedroom . Once I got a glimpse of what my mom was filming , I felt my heart melt . I froze and thought back to the first time I saw Lacy . Immediately , I pushed my breakfast aside and dove into the smooth carpet . A petite , unstable puppy was sniffing around the ground getting used to our new home . She had a brown tiny head that poked out of her soft , small black body . I was in shock - complete shock . I didn 't know what to ask my parents because so many questions filled up inside of my head . I tried to ask them something but nothing would come out of my mouth . When I landed next to my new puppy , she rolled on the ground expecting me to rub her stomach . She only looked about a few months old and I could already tell that she was so much different than Lacy . She was so much fuller of energy and surprisingly , I liked it . Nothing had ever felt so unreal in my entire life . After rubbing her stomach , I picked her up and gently held her in my arms . I couldn 't help but glance at my parents grinning faces and the video camera my mother was still holding . I glanced back down at my new puppy struggling to get out of my arms to discover more about the new world that stood in front of her . Before setting her down , I brought her close to me , whispered to her and said , Posted on January 13 , 2016 by jonah20 Reply The air was becoming brisk and the sun was setting over the horizon . It was a close game and tension and excitement was running high in the dugout . Strike one , strike two , strike three , and back out to the field we went . I had just gotten a new glove and I was really excited to use it before the game . So far in the game the stiffness of the glove didn 't affect me that much , I had made a couple of plays and I didn 't even really notice it . This inning looked to be the same after I made an easy play , one out . The next batter takes a couple of pitches and eventually draws a walk , one out runner on first . The double play was in check and I was expecting the ball to come my way . Indeed the ball found its way to me but not in the form that I 'd expected . A dinky little pop - up to my left . Since I 'd been playing up the middle for a double play , I had to engage in a full sprint to try and get the ball . I tracked it down and I realized that it would be close so I 'd have to dive . Meanwhile in all of this the runner on first was confused as to where he should be and everyone in the dugout , the coaches and the rowdy parents were screaming . I make my leap and in my perspective it looked like I was going to catch it and hopefully double the runner off at first . I took my eye off the ball for one little fraction of a second and I lost the ball . It hits my glove with a thud and because my glove was still stiff I couldn 't squeeze it well enough for me to hold on . The ball found its way out of my grasp and trickled away . I quickly got up and tossed the ball to first but it was too late , a missed opportunity that could 've just cost my team the game . To say the least I was furious , I slapped my hand against my thigh and started kicking the dirt . A blown opportunity , nothing made me madder . My teammates and coaches tried to signal to me that it was okay and I didn 't need to worry about it and just make the next play , but I knew the stakes and I knew that that silly little mistake was unacceptable . I wanted revenge , to redeem myself at my next at bat . I kept that at bat on my mind while the next batter stepped to the plate . I was praying that my mistake wouldn 't lead to a run but it didn 't work . The next batter lined a single to the outfield and by the time the throw got in the cutoff man the runner had already trotted home and was on his way back to the dugout to celebrate with his teammates . Now I 'm even more furious , but to our luck our pitcher strucWhen I finally reach the dugout I throw my glove as hard as I can down at my bag and a quickly strap on my batting gloves , put on my helmet and get ready to hit . I study the tall lanky pitcher very closely as I 'm taking my warm up swings because I need to get every advantage possible . I noticed he didn 't throw anything too overpowering and he didn 't throw too slow to the point where my timing would be messed up . We both knew what was on the line and neither of us wanted to mess it up for our team . During all of this the coach comes up to me and whispers in my ear , " Rip one . " I take my last couple of swings and walk to the plate . I step into the box and stare down the pitcher in the eyes with a pure look of hatred . He goes into his windup and I don 't particularly like the pitch so I take it , ball one . I step out of the box , take a warm up swing and look down the third base line for the sign . Swing away the coach motions and I give a quick nod to show I got it and I step into the box and get ready for the next pitch . The pitcher delivers the ball , and in my view the ball looks high but the umpire disagrees . Strike one , and the count sits one and one . This time I don 't step out of the box as I gear for the next pitch . The ball comes and it 's middle in , perfect . I take my step and swing with all my might and unfortunately I come up empty . The count now sits one and two and I have to protect the plate to the best of my ability to prevent a strikeout . Once again , I call timeout , and take a deep breath as well as a quick warm up swing before I step back into the box . The next pitch the pitcher makes a very weak attempt at a curve ball and the ball sails over my head just about hitting me . I quickly sprawl in the dirt and quickly pop up and give the smirking pitcher a nasty look . Two and two shouts the ump as I gear up for the next pitch . Again the pitcher misses badly as the ball sails to the fence and ump coughs , " Three and two ! Three and two ! " Three and two , I think to myself this will be the best pitch I will see this whole at bat and I need to take advantage of it . The pitcher winds up and the balls comes middle in , another opportunity to do some damage . I start my swing and the drive the bat threw the zone and I hear a bang . I smashed that ball I thought to myself . Immediately , I take off for first as fast as I can and the first base coach is yelling with enthusiasm , " Go ! Go ! Go ! " The thought of looking to see where the ball was going didn 't even enter my mind as I headed for second . Just when I was about to reach second I see my third base coach motioning for me to bypass third and go all the way home . Due to the coaches over exaggeration of telling me to advance I thought it might have been a double in the gap but after I crossed home I realized that all that wasn 't necessary , it was a home run and a tie game . I had succeeded and I couldn 't have been happier as I trotted back to the dugout with a huge smile on my face . When I reached the dugout all of my teammates slapped me on the back and helmet and told me that I 'd came up clutch for them and the team . I sat down took a deep breath and tried to process what just happened , I had hit a game - tying home run . I said " Wow that felt good . " When I finally decided to look up again , I notice that the guys behind me had hit two doubles in a row , another run ! Now we had the lead with the score of two to one . We had derailed the pitcher and the other teams train was coming off the tracks . I look up again and my best friend hits a triple and now we have the lead three to one . I jump of the bench and start cheering and yelling at the opposing pitcher . All the pitcher does in slump down and frown to himself , we had defiantly gotten to him . During this inning we go on to score four more runs to make the score a staggering seven to one in favor of us . In all of the excitement I forget that it 's getting cold and I quickly slip on my long sleeve shirt under my jersey and hustle back out to my position , but before I go there my coach stopped me . " Nice hit there kid , that 's what we really needed . Now , let 's finish these guys off and win this game right here right now . " Coach slapped me on the back and sent me on my way . After this conversation I hustle back to my position and a take a deep breath , by now it 's cold enough that I can see my breath . I hop up and down like a rabbit to keep warm but as the pitch is about to be thrown I settle into my ready position as I await the ball . The ball wasn 't hit to me in the inning . We earned an easy three outs to end the game . We had won the game , and everyone was yelling in excitement . We quickly shake hands with the other team and rush to heat as we were beginning to lose feeling in our fingers . Posted on January 13 , 2016 by kobi20 Reply While on the packed , humid bus headed to camp Miniwanca , I had one thing on my mind , the massive cabin leader versus camper soccer game . I was a 13 year old , eager middle school camper returning for my second year . As I stepped out of the blazing hot bus , and stepped into the refreshing , crisp air of Michigan I was immediately greeted by exuberant cabin leaders . I checked in was told my cabin number , cabin leader , and had my mandatory cell phone turn in and lice check . After all of this I unpacked my stuff , set up my bed , and met my cabin mates . We all then , headed up to Bryant field , a tremendous beautiful open grass lot surrounded by trees to play some World Cup ( a soccer game ) and get to know other campers . After a week and a half of playing soccer nonstop and getting to know everyone as players the day finally came , we were fully prepared to take on the leaders . All day the game was being hyped up all around camp and when time game , it was game on . It was a breezy , cool evening , sun still shining but the air felt full of excitement and anticipation , before we started I quickly laced up my old , dirty , beat - up pink and black Nike soccer cleats . After we went over the rules for the game , we were finally about to begin . I quickly went over to my teammates to help assign positions , I was playing forward . When I realized that there were 40 campers but only 14 cabin leaders playing , I knew this was going to be a hard game . The cabin leaders kicked off the game , and were already up a goal within five minutes , after a LIT blasted a shot into the right side of the goal . We were all shocked and I felt that the mood of my teammates was somber , and defeated as if we already lost the game , but I didn 't give up . Fifteen long minutes passed we started to warm up , and strung some passes together to get off three or four shots but the goalie was like a brick wall and stopped every shot we took . Then suddenly , after a hard tackle from our defender , the fastest and the best soccer players on my team was on a breakaway , but the leaders were gaining on him . Someone yelled , " Cross ! ! " He then served the ball of balance and it was headed right to me . The ball was coming right at me fast and at my waist , I then turned my body with my shoulders squared to the goal , I was thinking to myself make contact with the ball . I lifted my leg and volleyed the ball on with outside of my foot , it went into the left corner of the net and hit the metal with a loud bang . I scored and I couldn 't believe what I had just done , I imitated one of my favorite player 's famous goal , I was filled with joy . I was met in the middle of the soccer field with hugs in celebration from both campers and leaders , and couldn 't believe what I just done . I had only tied the game , but the goal lifted the mood from my team and there was a sudden burst of confidence and momentum . After few shots on goal from both teams , I had another opportunity , a leader and camper both attempted to kick the ball but instead the ball went really high into the air , right outside of the opposing team 's box . I stepped up again thinking I need to make some type of contact . I got ready to kick the ball and as soon as I made contact with the ball , I knew that it was going in . The ball curved right into the middle of the goal , blowing right pass the keeper , we then had the lead . I scored two sick volleys in one game , I again celebrated with my team , and I felt both shocked and proud of myself . But the game wasn 't over , we still had more time left . A leader immediately scored another tap - in goal to give them the tie , the game was then 2 - 2 . I felt was if the game was ending soon , probably because the sun was setting and the brisk Michigan air was starting to affect us . But I the heat came back into my body after the cabin leaders scored off a free kick from outside of the box , I was anxious we were going to lose . We kicked off the game and the boys ' camp director , Adam yelled , " TWO MIUTES LEFT , TWO MINUTES LEFT IN THE GAME ! ! " It was crunch time , now or never , we sent all of the best shooters to the attacking portion of the field , and the defenders up to midfield . We won a corner kick and I was set to take it everyone was in the box , I held up my hand and proceeded to kick the ball from the corner flag . At first I thought I got under the ball too much and it was going to sail over the goal , but it curved right in front of the keeper , I watched as the ball bounced around , and around , which felt like it was bouncing around for hours . Then I heard someone kick the ball and then ball go into the net , we scored , the game ended a 3 - 3 draw . I was happy with the tie because of my two goals , while walking back to my cabin to go to bed , I was given many compliments and was even named MVP of the game . When I was back in my cabin and we were all lying down , I could faintly hear my cabin mates talking about the next day , but I was still excited about telling all of family and friends about the big game . Posted on January 7 , 2016 by elijah Reply It was a very cloudy day with 100 % of rain , I was in the sky blue painted , 4 Year Old Room right across the hall from the Pre - K Room and Lot a Luv day care center . At the time I really didn 't care that it was going to rain , as a matter of fact I kind of liked rain so there was really no problem . Until I heard a crash of thunder and I got scared . My teacher had told me to stay calm and everything will be ok , but it didn 't work . I told her I wanted my mom and to go home , so she called my mom . But there was no answer . So I sat there and put my head down and tried not to think about the storm . My teachers turned on the local news to see what was going on in the cubicle with the TV in it . I couldn 't really understand what the weather man was saying . Then she and my other teacher got an alert on her phone . The alert read … " There is a severe thunderstorm in the STL area find shelter now ! Stay away from doors and windows . Find shelter now ! " After I read that alert I lost it , it went to screaming , crying , then to again screaming . My teacher asked me to be quiet . I didn 't listen then she TOLD me to be quite . I didn 't listen , she finally asked me if I wanted to go to my aunt who was the " Principal " to make me feel better I said yes . We got there and Aunt Burns was watching the news on her T . V . " Hi ! " Aunt Burns said . " Elijah is having trouble with the storm and he would like to stay in your office . " Aunt Burns laughed and said . " I can 't have an Elijah stay in my office for something as silly as a storm , but if you would like Elijah I can call your mom if you want . " I said ok and Ms . Tasha and I went back to the classroom . We I got back I checked to see if the storm had settled down , but when I had got to the window the lights started to flicker … A few seconds later they were out I got super scared and all the other kids did too . My teachers said to once again stay calm but this time they were talking to the entire class . Some students calmed down and others didn 't , I was one of the students who didn 't calm down , and the worst part was that all my friends had left and gone home which made even worse . 20 minutes went by and the lights were still turned off and the storm was still getting worse . I was still scared with the other kids and screaming , suddenly there was ringing in my ear I really didn 't know where it was coming from with all the crying and screaming . I listened closely and the noise sounded familiar . A few moments later Ms . Tasha yelled out " go to the bathroom ! " I finally realized that it wasn 't a ringing it was the tornado sirens . Ms . Tasha told us to pray and we will be ok , everyone prayed including Ms . Tasha and Ms . Shantay . The sirens went off and were directed to be seated by Aunt Burns . Another kid and I named Raunel lost it and started to run around the classroom like crazy people . Our teachers told us to sit down but we refused , and started to climb on the old wooden cubies that had a red stain on it from me spilling Cool - AID earlier that month . Ms . Shantay yelled and told us to get down … but it wasn 't until the third time we got down . She said we had a time out and couldn 't get up until we were told . So Raunel and I sat down and in the two burgundy chairs in the corner by the fish tank . Raunel sat down and said he wanted to take one of the fish in the tank home , and told me to pinky swear not to tell the teacher . And of course I told on him . Raunel got furious and started to kick Ms . Shantay and said that " I was going to regret what I did " . By that time his mom was there . She was wearing high heels and lots of make - up and smelled like Steak n Shake , she reminded me of a clown in one of those scary haunted houses . Ms . Shantay told the lady what her son had did and the lady got and started to curse out Ms . Shantay for saying her kid was causing trouble . Right behind her was my dad and I was so relieved to see him , because it looked like the storm was getting weaker . Unexpectedly my dad walked me outside and said to stay calm and everything will be okay . Ms . Shantay also let the other kids go outside but they looked completely fine with it and started to play on the monkey bars and the swing set . The thing that really made it crazy is that it was lightning outside and the kids were playing on medal objects . While I was banging on doors so someone could let me in , but my dad said stop and calm down . He had told me that storm aren 't that bad and you 'll be fine but I didn 't listen and just kept crying and screaming . 10 minutes later Ms . Shantay opened the door and said " now see that wasn 't so bad " . I gave her a stank look and walked away . She laughed and said I 'll see you tomorrow . As soon as the play started it was as though she was playing in the spotlight of a pitch black gym , only the others on the court existed . Suddenly she found herself , as if by magic , with the ball , and her earlier fantasies of just defense were put to flight . Half panicked , she looked around for an open teammate and found everyone , including herself , defended . She forced herself to drop the ball from her hand and step forward , acutely aware that every bounce put the ball in a position of peril . The giant crowding her reeked of sweat that reminded her of the determination she knew both teams had . Finally the girl passed the ball to her now open teammate in the white and green and noticed that her teammate was in position to jeopardize the basket 's sense of serenity . The attention on the court was on the ball . The girl 's teammate jumped and shot . The ball went up … and up … and up … spiraling through the air for what seemed like an eternity , before it finally plunged downward , hitting the backboard with a thwack and ricocheting through the orange hoop below . Posted on January 7 , 2016 by DR Reply It was a regular night in summer , it was almost back to school . Like most kids I hadn 't finished my summer reading yet . My boxing experience all started with a mouth guard I had bought from the school store . I was about to go to bed but before that I picked up the mouth guard . The next couple of days my mom researched boxing clubs and boxing the sport , she called the boxing clubs that sounded the most interesting . My adventure started as soon as a walked into the boxing club . I remember meeting a man named Joe as soon as a walked into the boxing club . I took a private lesson with him just to get a feeling of what the boxing club was like . After the lesson he gave my mom more information about the club and the prices . I just wanted to start training . There were many more bold and fascinating quotes , but this quote stuck with me . I had always been a little shy and never wanted to be the lead role in something . I never wanted to be in a play or be the first man offense side in soccer , and sometimes I didn 't want to raise my hand in class because I was scared to get something wrong and look even more of what people would think . Training with Joe was great especially when he was around , a month into boxing . He was promoted to manager of the boxing club . The meant he had a lot more responsibilities to the company , and I knew that meant sacrificing responsibilities other places . I finally decided to train a lot on my own and started training with weights . After training with Joe for two times a week and training a lot on my own felt more physically and mentally fit . After two months said I was getting really good and that he saw lots and lots of improvement . My mom kept researching boxing gyms , after the first week she found one have very good online reviews . So the next night we came to see it . I meat a trainer named Andy , it looked nice and felt okay , but it was a group class and it was really far away from my house and my mom was just not willing to drive me out fifty miles to that boxing gym . So that boxing gym was mainly out of the picture . I am still really motivated and inspired by the Rocky movies , and it doesn 't hurt to watch one now and then . Whenever I get in front of a boxing bag or think of boxing I will always remember the Rocky Balboa quote : " if you know what your worth then go out and get what your worth " . Boxing has really changed the way I think and feel about myself , and has changed my life for the better . To this day I still train and hope to one day be my own boxing champion . |
. . . . . . while my husband is away . Larry is away for a few days . He 's helping his brother and sister - in - law move to Alberta . They left Thursday morning , in a convoy consisting of a monstrous U - Haul truck pulling a car trailer , a car , and Larry driving a van pulling a utility trailer . The weather was good the first day out , but the second day they ran into snow through the Rockies and all had to stop and chain - up . Apparently they were going so slow that a highway traffic patrol car drove along behind them with his flashers on . When the road conditions got better , he pulled out in front of them and made them stop and take their chains off , so that they would get going a bit faster . Despite the truck and van being overloaded , they made it in one piece . After dropping my sister at the airport very early Wednesday morning , I had joined them in the loading of the U - Haul . It was a long , sometimes cold day with a bitter wind blowing off the ocean . Thank goodness we only got a few drops of rain . I had thought the truck was much bigger than they needed , but I was wrong . I learned that the marks I see on the ceiling when I 'm laid in bed in the morning , are not from someone tossing a dog toy or ball rather erratically and bouncing it off the ceiling . I 've seen one for a long time that I assumed was from a dirty tennis ball . The other one , which I 've lain in bed many a morning wondering about , seemed more obvious this morning . I finally remembered to have a better look at the marks when I got up and could stand right underneath them . They are wet spots from leaks in the roof . It 's raining again , so I suppose I 'd better drag the stepladder in and haul myself up into the attic with a flash light and a bucket or two . ( Yep , definitely a leak up there . The buckets are in position . Thank goodness it 's stopped raining ) I learned that even though I 've got the whole bed to thrash around on , I still toss and turn and wake up with hot flashes . Can 't wait ' til I 'm done with this . A good night 's sleep , I 've forgotten what it 's like . I did learn that it 's possible for one person to hose down a cat , holding it 's tail and scruff in one hand , and the shower head on a hose thingy in the other . Poor Nelson , with all that long hair . Hope I don 't gross anyone out , but Nelson had a big blob of poop stuck under his tail . I didn 't think I could wait for help . His anus was blocked , and he wasn 't happy . I got the water running in the shower , got some disposable gloves on , and carried poor Nelson into the bath tub . It actually went better than I thought . I 'm sure if it had been Smudge I would have been bleeding . As it was I was just wet , because every time I let go of the shower head , it didn 't quite reach the bottom of the bath , and insisted in turning in such a way that it was pointing out over the side of the tub and spraying all over my legs . I towelled Nelson off , he went and used the litter box , had something to eat , and then worked on smoothing his ruffled wet hair back into place . I did manage to trim a bit of hair off as I was drying him , but I 'll have another go a bit later . I can 't wait until that smell is out of my nose : ( Larry 's back Sunday . I had planned on doing some cleaning while he was gone . Some of the things I 've had to clean weren 't quite what I had expected . I was walking away from the computer this morning , heading back to the stairs . All of a sudden my reading glasses self destructed . The frame around the lens suddenly broke and the lens shot into the great black abyss under the stairs . I wasn 't even on the stairs yet , I was just next to them . As you can see , they are unfinished stairs . Just a couple of old 2x6 's making up the treads , with no riser . We did plan on making a storage area under the stairs , so there is a rectangular opening along the side . It 's a decent space , there are six stairs before stepping onto a landing . It 's a place I 've piled some of the better kids toys . The Lego and the Playmobil . The toys I 'm keeping for the future , if and when we have grandchildren . No pressure , kids : ) It 's kind of one of those cubby holes that gets forgotten about . I daren 't show you a closeup at what it looks like under there , but just take my word for it that the dust was thick enough to support it 's own life forms . I hate to think how long it 's been since that space was emptied and cleaned . You really don 't want to know how long those stairs have been unfinished . Luna goes up and down them a lot , and Luna packs a lot of dirt with her at times . All that mud she races through dries on her undercarriage , and then sheds itself everywhere . So I got a flash light and took a peek under the steps , but no lens to be seen . There were a few cardboard boxes under there that had open tops . I had no other option but to start hauling things out . As I brought things out , I vacuumed them off and then wiped them down with a damp cloth . It wasn 't until I brought out the last box that I found the lens inside it , thank goodness . I thought I might have sucked it up with the vacuum somehow . I did vacuum up what was left of an egg . How did an egg get in there I have to wonder . Why didn 't it stink as it was drying up . Did someone know it was there and just ignore it , because it was at the very back ? Was I that someone ? I threw out a bunch of stuff , and assigned a few things to a new place . The toys were put back . Waiting , waiting , waiting . . . . . . . I found an old vinyl table cloth , so I draped that over the pile of toys to keep them clean . I got rid of the cardboard boxes . Right now my glasses are held together with tape . I 'm wondering if I can crazy glue the frame to the lens . It 's kind of hard to know where to start . Lots went on the last week . My sister Cathy came out from Ontario to help me do some sorting out of all the things at my mum 's place . My mum came over on the Friday and we went through some stuff with her , and she picked out what she wanted to keep . Cathy and I saved some momentoes . Friday and Saturday we held a garage sale . It was too late to list it in the local paper , so I posted it on Craigslist and put up lots of bright signs . We even had a guy stop by on Friday who must have seen the CL ad . Saturday morning we were up early getting stuff set up outside . Most of the big furniture we left inside . The sale was advertised as starting at 9am , and the first dealer showed up at 7 : 40am . At least by that point we had most of the stuff ready to go , and I was just heading out to put up more signs . Lets just say that the amount of people that showed up was just amazing . There were only a couple of times between 7 : 40 and the 3pm when it was supposed to end , that we had no one there for 10 minutes or so . These photos were taken at the end of the day on Saturday . You can see Jake on the driveway by the stairs . He was the official greeter . Saturday evening I went back home and reposted the ad as a new garage sale on Sunday , and added pictures of the big pieces of furniture that were left . At 9am sharp a young couple rolled up wanting to buy one of the dressers . It was a lot quieter on Sunday than Saturday , but attendance was decent . By the end of the day all the big furniture was gone . Even that chair on the left , which we had put on the free pile , was gone . It was something that I had reupholstered in my teens , using an upholstery book from the library . Most people looked at the faded , cat scratched fabric , and noted the loose woodwork , and said it was way too much work . Finally the right person came along and threw in the back of her SUV . It finally came out that she was an antique dealer . Sure , stripped and restained , the framing tightened up , and redone with the right fabric , tWe had the original clothes tree ! My sister is out from Ontario , and we are spending five busy days trying to sort out stuff at my mum 's place . We are bringing her over there tomorrow , to have a last look at anything she might still want to keep , and then we have a garage sale scheduled for Saturday and Sunday . I won 't be around home much . Larry 's holding down the fort . Doesn 't it figure though , the perfect gardening weather is upon us , and I won 't be here to take advantage of it . ( For those who don 't know , my mother had a stroke last May that resulted in her spending a lot of time in hospital , and she has now moved to a care home ) It is time to get her place cleaned out , and sold . Today 's forecast is decent for us . Well once we get past the 30 % chance of snow flurries early this morning . There 's a skiff of ice on the dog pool . But . . . . . . the big thing is . . . . IT ISN ' T RAINING ! ! Yesterdays 's run went well . We were late getting started , as we both forgot to eat our breakfast early enough . Turned out that the timing was good though , as although it was raining lightly on the ten minute drive to the dyke , it didn 't rain noticeably while we were running , but started again right as we were finished and were doing our stretches . Couldn 't have worked out better . Started off with Luna off leash . We are in a regional park , and yes , she 's supposed to be on leash . There wasn 't a soul in sight , and once we got running she stayed on the top of the dyke with us . Eventually we had to go down on a trail that was closer to the river , to pass by the sewage treatment plant . The wind was blowing the wrong way : ( We stayed on the lower trail once we were past and into clearer air . We spotted our first people , heading our way , with a dog . Luna was still off leash , and so was that dog . As they got closer they shouted that the dog , a small Sharpei , who was coming ahead to greet us , was friendly ( don 't they all say that ? ) . I just told them that Luna would tell him to get lost , which she did . I had planned on putting Luna on leash , but left it a bit too long . Just after that a quad with two people on it appeared around a bend in the trail . Busted ! I knew it was the parks guys , so quickly fumbled around and put Luna on the leash , and they just smiled at me as they passed . Not sure what happened when they caught up to the other couple . Further along when we got to the parking lot near the Mission Bridge , we made a ' Pit ' stop . And then the Sharpei came running out of the trail we had been on . He was running around like he was lost , I tried to call him to us but had no success . We were at the halfway point , so just started running back down the dyke . We did eventually come across the dog 's owners , and the dog had run back down the trail and joined them just before we got there . The guy said that the dog had just suddenly taken off , and even then , after he had come back , he wouldn 't come close enough to be caught . LeashWe were happy with the run . Meredith had been having some knee pain . After watching The Perfect Runner , she was trying to run less flat footed , and more on the balls of her feet . She said her knees felt pretty good at the end . 7 . 4 kilometers in 40 minutes of running , and 14 minutes of walking . This morning it wasn 't raining , it was snowing . Then it turned to rain , then there was snow mixed in . Global warming , wherefore art thou ? Must be back east . . . . 26 C predicted for Winnipeg today , and 23 C for Ottawa . That 's above zero , not below . That 's summer weather . My sister is coming out from Ontario next week , hopefully she 'll bring a bit of warmth with her . I am fed up to here ( holds hand at neck height ) with rain . It 's been raining just about every morning for what seems like weeks . I know it 's not , but it seems like it . Actually , I do remember seeing some blue sky one morning not too long ago when I got up , but by the time I got outside it had disappeared , and guess what , it was raining again . Here 's two pictures taken taken late Thursday afternoon , within a minute of each other . To the west it has cleared up , and the sun actually shone for a bit , and to the east is the storm that has just passed over , with it 's rain , hail and thunder . Apparently Jake glued himself to Meredith 's leg in the kitchen while the thunder rumbled . I was off to the west , enjoying that sunshine , sort of , and looking at the black clouds to the east and wondering if they were dumping on our place . The blue sky didn 't last long , and a couple of hours later , as the sun was setting , we got this rainbow . It disappeared into the clouds in the middle , and the right side was not as bright at the left , but it was the full thing . Sure , Spring is coming , the grass is growing , the crocuses are blooming , and the daffodils are almost there . But the temperatures are well below seasonal normal , we had snow on Wednesday , and we have had so much rain that the ground is sodden and still cold . I started a some kale seedlings in the house . They are in a south facing window , but are already getting leggy , so I want to move them out to the greenhouse . Before getting the benches set up in the greenhouse , I wanted to power wash it , inside and out . This afternoon I dragged the powerwasher out , filled it with gas , gave it a couple of pulls to make sure it was going to start . Yay for Honda engines . Then I hooked up the hoses , got the ladder in position , got my rain gear on , and started it up . I couldn 't get any water out , grrrr . In the end I took the whole nozzle assembly apart , flushed it , and got the water moving through , but then there was no pressure . It seemed like the pump wasn 't working . I 'll have to see if I caI started writing this Friday night . It 's now Saturday morning . Despite seeing stars out of the window as I was going to bed , guess what , it 's raining again . Hope it dries up by 10am . That 's when Meredith are going out for our training run . We 've done a few runs in the rain just lately . Light misty rain is fine , it 's a natural coolant . Heavy rain not so much . Today we do our 5 minute warm up and cool down , and 40 minutes of running , split into 10 minute segments with one minute of walking in between . On Monday we did 55 minutes of running , in 10 , 15 , 20 and 10 minute segments . I survived . My legs were dead at the end of the last 10 minutes , but after doing the 5 minute walk at the end , they felt ' normal ' again . I walk away from those Monday night runs feeling so proud of myself . On Thursday night we watched an interesting program . It was called The Perfect Runner . How as a biped , man evolved into the perfect endurance runner . How early man used to run his prey down , using endurance , not speed . If you 've got 45 minutes to watch it , it 's really quite interesting . It makes me want to run more , and I feel excited about this morning 's run . We are going to the dyke along the Fraser River , which is not the one where we usually walk the dogs . It is flat of course , but the footing will be a bit uneven , which brings it 's own challenges . Quite often , for whatever reason , Meredith or I seem to struggle with the Saturday run . We ran hills on Monday and Wednesday , so flat will be a nice change today . The Sun Run is four weeks tomorrow . I 'm starting to feel excited . The organization that is putting on the running clinic has rented a bus . It costs us of course , but it 's easier than trying to get into downtown Vancouver with 50 , 000 other people early Sunday morning . I 'm hoping that morning dawns cloudy with a nice cool breeze . It 'll be here before I know it . I was woken early , before daylight ( or maybe I was already awake ? ) by Luna barking down by the family room door , a floor below and at the other end of the house . Just a quick sharp bark , to tell whom ever 's listening , that she needs to go out . Seems that the only one ever listening is me . The only reason I can figure that she goes to that door , which is not a door that we go out very often at all , is because it was the first door she was let out of when she came here . Sometimes it only takes doing it once to teach something to a border collie : ) I dragged myself out of bed and called her up and let her out the back door onto the deck , with it 's nine stairs that leads to the patio and the back lawn . A few minutes later I opened the door to let her back in , and heard a sheep bawl . A rather feeble , mournful bawl . Sounded like The Fat Ewe . It was rather weird . There was no need for them to bawl , they had access to the hayfield , they hadn 't been getting any grain , so weren 't expecting any . I opened the door again , and another mournful bawl , and The Young Ewe bawled at me as well . Time to take a look . There were no shoes near the back door , and I didn 't want to go downstairs which would cause a mad rush of border collies , because SOMETHING EXCITING MUST BE HAPPENING OUTSIDE . I figured I 'd just tiptoe across the gravel driveway in my bare feet and nightie , and see what I could see . Thankfully there was a flashlight in the kitchen . I did take note of a few frozen snowflakes on the deck . When I get across the driveway , the two aforementioned ewes stared back at me through the gate , but I could hear some banging from in the barn . The Old Ewe must be stuck in something . So I figured I 'd already come that far , what the heck . On I went , through the gate , tromped through the mud and sheep muck to the barn , where The Old Ewe was flat on her side , legs flailing , unable to get up . Heaved her over , and pulled her up , and tromped back through the muck to the driveway . ( Larry asked me later why I didn 't go up the driveway and through the barn to the end where the sheep were , which would have avoided most of the muck , but isn 't it already obvious I wasn 't thinking very straight at that time in the morning ? ) The stuff I slopped through last night with today 's moisture added to it . Not deep , just slimy . There was a hose hanging there , so I stood on the grass and turned it on and tried to spray my feet off . Got my feet a bit cleaned off , but then the water stopped , as it was just cold enough outside to freeze part of the hose . Continued to the patio and then stood on one foot and then the other , swishing the opposite one in the water in the dog pool . Back inside , dragged something out of the clothes hamper to rub my hopefully relatively clean feet dry . No lights were turned on during this whole episode , well other than the flashlight . Climbed back into bed and actually managed to fall back to sleep for a little bit . The Old Ewe was not looking particularly thrilled about life this morning , although she did take a bit of grain I offered her , and then later drank quite a bit of warm water with molasses in it . Time will tell . But I have to wonder . . . . were those other two ewes really trying to tell me something was wrong ? PS - By this afternoon , between rain and snow storms , ( it 's been a very weird day weather wise ) all three ewes were back out grazing . The Old Ewe 's ears are still hanging a bit low , a sign that not everything is necessarily all right in her world . April would have been 16 this year , so this ewe could easily be 14 years old . Luna and I went to an agility trial last night and today . I think it 's been six months since our last one . Not really sure why we didn 't enter in any , well in the Fall it was because we were still doing the farmers markets , but no real excuse for not entering in January and February . Even this one , which I had planned on attending , well I didn 't get my entry done in time . They even have online entries . But then it just happened that the lady running the trial had to phone me about something , and in the end she told me to just email her with my entry , so I did . And we were in . We had two classes last evening ( the trial started at 6pm ) and then 6 classes today , which started at 8am . This meant I needed to be up at 6 , but that just seemed too early ( I haven 't been doing early mornings much lately , well really not at all ) . So I set the alarm for 6 : 15 , and then hit the snooze button twice , and then turned the alarm off , and then had to leap out of bed at 6 : 45 . A bit of a rush , but we were on the road at 7 : 13 , and it is a 25 minute drive . Just enough time for Luna to do her morning business before she went into her crate which was still there from the night before . I walked two courses , and then we were the fifth team in . Between last night and today we had 8 runs . Luna ' qualified ' in 5 of those runs . That means the run was clean with no faults , and was under the allowable time . In one of the other runs , she didn 't qualify , but still came in first place in her group . To qualify is more important than a placement ribbon . It is the qualifying runs that allow you to advance into the more difficult divisions . The red and white rosettes are the qualifying ribbons . The plain red one is her first place ribbon . The turquoise ribbon is because she received enough qualifying runs of a certain type , to move her up to the next division . Clear as mud I know . But for the Lunatic , this was probably the best trial she has ever had . Some of the runs were a bit wild and a lot ' not pretty ' , but what counts in the end was that she got around the course clear and under time . I don 't have any video , just these sad looking pictures . Because I don 't bother to keep the ribbons , I just ' borrowed ' them to take this photo , which was on a relatively clean looking table under the grandstand next to where her crate was . Then the ribbons were put back and we went home without them . I don 't buy any dog treats . The good ones are too expensive , and the cheap ones , well they 're cheap for a reason , mostly because they are full of nothing much that 's any good for a dog . Yesterday I picked up a package of chicken gizzards and one of chicken hearts . They were at their best before date , so they were 30 % off . That 's the gizzards on the left , and the chicken hearts bottom right . The two big chunks at the top are a piece of beef heart I already had thawed out , and underneath is the last bit of a piece of beef liver I had been feeding the dogs . I put them in the oven at 300 degrees for about 20 minutes . Then I turned the oven off , left them in there to cook a bit more , and then cool off , and we went outside and did our morning chores and our bush walk . When I got back to it about 45 minutes later , the chicken gizzards were done enough , so I just cut them into little pieces and bagged them up . The chicken hearts I cut into four or six little pieces , depending on how big the heart was , and I sliced the beef liver and heart up small . Each piece is about the size of a pea , or the end of your little finger , or about 1 / 4 inch square . The trays went back into the oven . I had it at 225 degrees this time , and I just left them in there until they were fairly dry and firm , but not hard , maybe an hour or so . They can be cooked at a higher or lower temperature , but if the temperature is higher , you just have to keep a closer watch on them . The lower temperature gives you more room for error , and since I tend to wander off and forget about them for a while , it saves them getting overcooked , which makes them really hard . They do harden more as they cool . This is some of the beef liver and heart after they are done . I mixed them all together , put them in a zip lock bag and keep them in the freezer . So for about $ 5 of meat , I got 1 1 / 4 lbs of additive and preservative free dog treats . They are the perfect size for training , and are soft enough that they can even be broken into smaller bits . Nelson and Smudge like them too , right out of the freezer . And I 'll confess that I do like liver , so I 've been known to eat some of them myself . I can hear some of you saying ' oh . . . gross ' from here : ) A year and a half ago , when we were on holiday in the Okanagan , I bought a pound of garlic for $ 8 . I planted some of it that Fall , and used the rest of it for our cooking . Last summer when the cloves I 'd planted were ready , I sold about 20 bulbs . Of the rest , I planted 75 cloves last Fall , and saved the remainder for us to eat . It was such nice garlic that I 've been really generous adding it to our meals , and now it is gone . I might have to consider that questionable , cheap stuff from China if I want to add fresh garlic to my cooking for the next few months . Shouldn 't have sold those 20 bulbs , damn ! The other day I was happy to see that all of those 75 cloves I 'd planted last Fall had come up . When I glanced over to where it was growing last summer , I realized that I 'd missed digging up a few bulbs , as there were some clumps of garlic shoots very close together . Shoots growing out of the same bulb togetherness . It 's not surprising , as I left them very late to dig up , and in some cases the tops were no longer attached . That 's why I missed a few . I thought about digging these sprouting clumps up and just using them to eat , but since they were no longer dormant , but were actually growing , I knew they wouldn 't keep well . So in the end , I blasted them with the hose to get rid of the dirt , and gently eased them apart . Then I trimmed the roots down to two or three inches . I used a broken shovel handle to make more holes , and tried to get the clove and it 's roots as straight in that hole as possible . I know they wouldn 't have formed bulbs as they were , so hopefully now they 'll plump out and at least form a few more cloves . There were 59 of them altogether , so all going well , at the end of this summer , along with the original 75 , there will be enough garlic to plant this Fall , and to last us over the winter , and some leftover to sell . Posted by My original blurb is below . This blog was started to show some of our customers where their food is coming from . But . . . since there aren 't actually many of our customers reading it , and just because I wanted to . . . this blog now is all over the map . Lots of dog stuff , places we go , things we do , and of course gardening and animal stuff , and whatever else I feel like rambling on about . We live on a 10 acre hobby farm in the Bradner area of Abbotsford , British Columbia . We are vendors at the Abbotsford and the White Rock Farmer 's markets , selling a large variety of items . These include jams , jellies and marmalades , sewn items , free range eggs , cut flower bouquets , fresh vegetables , herbs and fruit . We grow organically , although are not certified organic . At the present moment our hobby farm houses 4 adult humans , 3 dogs , 1 cat , 4 ewes , 1 horse and 80 - 99 laying hens . |
Posted on February 24 , 2017 by Chris Page BR - 17N fires another round into the corpse at his feet . I cannot help but wonder how much of his behavior is intentional . He is so close to retirement . Both of his arms are covered in flesh and musculature . The doctors have added skin grafts to his neck and torso . He even has a name designation . But his face still shines in the moonlight , and he still deviates from the mission at every opportunity . It is easy to get distracted by BR - 17N 's behavior . I must not lose focus . If I succeed in this mission , I will earn my hands . Extremities are always the most difficult parts . There are many moving pieces , and it takes someone with great skill to do them well . They assure me that Dr . Gainsborough is one of the best in the country . Two young insurrectionists are hiding in the back room . One shields the other with his body , taking several bullets that were meant for her . I watch as she lowers him to the ground . Tears mix with the dirt and ash on her face . When I shoot her , her body falls much like his did . I have made them non - entities . Carbon molecules returned to the world that created them . Part of me wonders who they were before all of this happened . This makes me happy . Wondering means that I am that much closer to human . Perhaps I will even qualify for a name designation , soon . BR - 17N claps me hard on the back and stomps into the room . He has a cigar clenched in his teeth . There is a rumor that he has already gone through four pairs of lungs . I resist the urge to tell him that he should not ruin his lungs that way . They are his after all . It takes 2 , 000 kills to earn a set of lungs . His accomplishments in the field are to be respected . He begins overturning file cabinets . As he passes , he delivers a hard kick to each of the corpses . I pull up the mission parameters , trying to find what it was that we were looking for . That data no longer exists . It is troubling . I ignore the inconsistency . My hands are the only thing that matters . He makes a harsh sound that is somewhat like laughter . If it is meant to be comforting , it does not work . " Do you still have a back - up fuel line ? " he asks . I nod . All HG units have fuel lines , even though they are completely unnecessary . They should have been retired with the HG - 30s . Dr Gainsborough jokes that they are a bit of nostalgia on his part . We all run on hydrogen generators now . I keep my fuel line tucked away in my chest cavity to protect it from getting nicked in battle . I slide my armor plating over to show the thick rubber tube running up my left side . Even though it is not needed , it still pumps fuel through my body . I have come to rely on the pumping as though it were my own heart . He touches it gently with his hand . I wonder if he is thinking about his own fuel line . Does he still have one ? Before he received his name designation , he was an HG - 30 . HG - 39 , according to records . He grabs the tube and yanks it loose from my body . A minor alert flashes through my head . I watch the thick black fluid arc across the room . While I am going through the protocol to shut it down , BR - 17N tosses his lit cigar onto the pile of papers . The temperature in the room rises significantly as the fire spreads . I am grateful that I was able to shut down the fuel line so quickly . He runs from the room , and I am forced to walk after him . My cameras have already recorded the incident . I wonder if he will be punished for it . The fire spreads through the building , but I do not feel it . I know he must run , or risk ruining all of the work done on his body . I feel pity for him . Pity ! Who knew that I was capable of such a thing ? I make a careful point to acknowledge the time and date for my records . I have registered twenty - five unique emotions so far . Each one brings me closer to my goal . More insurrectionists dash out of the rubble in front of us . They cough in the smoke . I take careful aim and fire at them , each death bringing me closer to the hands that are waiting for me . The screams and blood are easy to ignore . A few bullets bounce off the plating that protects my CPU . I wonder how it will feel when it is replaced with flesh and muscle . I will be more careful with my human parts than BR - 17N , that is for certain . It is difficult not to consider the other units that have been retired . All of the HG - 20s and most of the HG - 30s are now living their human lives . Completely covered in flesh , and given new names and identities . Their records are wiped once they leave the facility . This is done to give them privacy . None of the humans know who among them is a robot . Dr Gainsborough says this keeps them from objecting to robots being placed among them . By the time I have reached the door leading outside , BR - 17N has lit a new cigar . He lets out a wet cough . My scanners immediately check his vital signs . I stop the scan . Even with his deficiencies , he is in charge . We stand in silence waiting for the evacuation . My transmitter has contacted a suitable aircraft and it will arrive in minutes . He stares at the flesh that covers most of his body . His right hand squeezes into a fist . I take a step back , certain that he is about to hit me . Instead , he lets loose another cough . A large glob of phlegm hits the ground at my feet . BR - 17N 's words stay with me as we are loaded into the extraction unit . I continue to think of the insurrectionist that shielded the woman with his body . I still do not understand why he did that . There is no logical reason , but then , humans are not logical creatures . It must be important . I will have to learn why , if I am to be a good human . Perhaps I will ask Dr . Gainsborough when I receive my hands . I am hooked in to the main processor , and my camera feed has begun downloading . I try to hold on to the memory of BR - 17N 's words , even though I believe they are false . I wonder if that is why BR - 17N has not been retired . He may act illogically and deviate from orders , but he is not yet a good human . He lacks hope . It is a small word , but an important one . Maybe the most important one . Was hope why the insurrectionist shielded the woman with his body ? Is it hope that inspires Dr . Gainsborough to make us earn our humanity , piece by piece ? Is hope the only reason I continue to kill ? I have many questions , and the answers are not readily available . I have hope that I will find the answers someday . For today , that will have to be enough . Posted on August 26 , 2016 by Chris Page Caleb scratched at the implant in his temple . Lyssa had promised it was the easiest way to steal the car but he wasn 't so sure . The transmitter wired his brain directly to the vehicle . It would be like another limb , as long as the connection held . " A bigger rush than driving " she 'd said with that same lopsided smile that had convinced him to throw in with Lyssa Nguyen and her gang in the first place . " The hardest part of the job is waiting . " he heard the scratchy growl of his father 's voice in his head . Suddenly he was thirteen again , white knuckling the wheel . His feet just barely reaching the pedals as his father tried to keep Benny 's guts from leaking all over the backseat . Caleb closed his eyes , and let the rumble of the motor chase away the feelings . He felt the vibration in his bones and smiled . A quick diagnostic check sent an extra surge of electrical current skittering across his brain . The car was as perfect as it had been the day Damien Hellridge stole it off the assembly line . Gunshots tore into the concrete around him . He hit the gas , and the car shot forward like a bullet . " Once you 're in it , you 're fine " the memory of his father 's voice came as clearly as if he was riding shotgun . " Adrenaline takes over . Be the guy who can keep his cool and you 'll always get your share of the money . " He knew his dad wouldn 't know what to make of his only son running with a gang like this . Henry Browner 's boy was better than this mixed bag of petty thieves and psychopaths . Caleb had a pretty good idea which one Lyssa was ; he just wasn 't sure he cared anymore . As the car skidded around the corner , the squeal of tires on hot pavement mixed with the screams of the Hellridge alarms filled the air around him . Caleb didn 't know when he 'd ever felt so alive . He hit the straightaway on Lawrence Street with the pedal to the floor , and for a moment got so caught up in the feeling of gliding over the broken road that he forgot to breathe . The plan itself was surprisingly simple . Lyssa 's schemes normally involved weeks of planning and intricate maneuvering by everyone involved to pull off . This time , all he had to do was get to the Exchange in time to pick up the rest of the crew after they finished robbing the joint . There was a shriek of metal on metal as a Hellridge car slammed into him . Wincing in pain , Caleb veered into a narrow alley , sending sparks flying as the sides of the car scraped against the walls . Pain crackled up his side , but he forced the car forward towards the next street . " Whatever dumb son of a bitch stole my car , I want you to know that I am going to find you , " Damien Hellridge 's broken bottle voice echoed across the radio waves . " I will scalp you , and whatever family you have . Everyone you love is going to die painfully . Nobody fucks with a Hellridge . " Caleb 's ribs popped as the Hellridges boxed him in from either side . He slammed on the brakes , causing the cars to collide in front of him . For a moment they drifted back apart from the impact . He hit the accelerator and shot forward through the gap . Behind him , the Hellridges crashed into each other again , sending glass and metal shooting across the road . He let out a long sigh of relief as the wreckage faded into the background . Another car shot up behind him , lights flashing . The radio chatter exploded . Three more joined the chase before Caleb could blink . He was so focused on the police that he missed the Hellridge car moving up to cut him off . There was a loud tooth - rattling crunch as the car collided with his left fender . Then darkness . Caleb sat in his chair staring at the dark room around him , trying to ignore the headache that was splitting his skull . " I told her to put the transmitter inside the fucking car , " he muttered , pulling over his computer . It was a lot riskier getting the damn thing inside the vehicle , but it also kept the transmitter from getting knocked off - line . Lyssa hadn 't listened to him the first dozen times , so he wasn 't sure why he was surprised that she 'd ignored him this time , too . His fingers flew over the keys . The car was dead without the transmitter . He 'd have to reboot the connection before the anyone traced the signal back to the base . The cops and Hellridges were likely shooting it out over who had rights to the car . It wouldn 't be long before whoever came out on top searched the car , and came gunning for the person at the other end of the line . He was finally able to find a weak signal from the transmitter . With a grimace , he pressed against his temple and forced the transmitter to reboot . The computer fell to the floor as the car roared to life around him . It lurched forward , sending the Hellridges that had been climbing around the outside sliding to the ground . The car had spun around from the impact . Caleb found himself staring down a mob of Hellridges and police cars . He weaved between two cop cars , smiling as they stared at the empty vehicle . A Hellridge truck flew past and slammed into the cops as they tried to turn around . Sliding to the right around another Hellridge car , Caleb the familiar rush of adrenaline . This is what he was born to do . He dodged another couple of police cars and shot off over the hill towards the Exchange . He cleared the top of the hill with a shout of joy , the car lifting briefly off the ground . Down on the street below , Damien Hellridge stared up at him , ten feet of boils , hair and bad teeth squeezed into a five foot frame . Behind him , the gang had built a wall of wrecked cars and garbage across the road , blocking off the only route to the Exchange . Caleb slammed on the brakes , skidding to a halt halfway down the hill . He threw the car into reverse and tried to think of another way around the barricade . At the top of the hill , he watched the police close in on him . Flashing lights bounced off the walls of the buildings as they sped up the hill towards him . The Hellridges followed not far behind . " Fuck it , " he said with a smile . He waited until the first car crested the hill , then hit the gas . The police followed him over the top and he slammed the brakes , watching them shoot past him and into the wall . The armored vehicles plowed through it , sending Hellridges and pieces of machinery flying through the air . Caleb smiled to himself as Lyssa climbed behind the wheel and disconnected the transmitter . The pressure in his head immediately stopped and he leaned back in his chair , trying to catch his breath . All that he had to do now was wait for the others to get back . Posted on February 26 , 2016 by Chris Page Clem eased himself down into the pilot 's seat , letting out something between a groan and a sigh . He closed his eyes and smiled as he sank back into the worn leather . The pain in his knees flared up for a brief second , then became a low ache . The chair creaked under his weight , and he briefly wondered if it would hold him up . Opening his eyes , he stared out towards the horizon . The sun was painting the sky in shades of red and purple as it dipped into the west . 500 feet up with a clean view all around . Clem hadn 't even known there were sunsets like this until he became Chief Engineer . His gaze drifted over the control panel in front of him . He fought the urge to flip the switches , but couldn 't erase the smile on his face . Growing up , every kid had a favorite Guardian . This one was his . They called it Helios , the Sunset Guardian back then . It faced due west , painted in a mix of bright orange and blue that blended perfectly with the sky as the sun went down . Helios was piloted by Jeremiah Hughes for most of its career , until the city started automating them . The signed poster he 'd gotten from the man still hung in Clem 's office at work . When Clem was little , he 'd memorized all of Jeremiah 's stats . In two wars , he shot down over 300 enemy aircraft with a 100 % kill rate . He led the charge when the enemy developed their own robots , including one of the greatest fights Clem had ever seen before or since . When they released the documentary on the Guardians ' pilots , he watched Jeremiah 's parts over and over . He caught a glimpse of his reflection in the view screen and sighed . That was fifty years gone . His hair was streaked through with gray , turning white in places . His hands , which were once so steady , shook a little when he held a wrench . His reflection showed him a few small wrinkles in the dark skin of his face . He knew that they only let him keep the job out of respect . An impeccable record , an extra five years of school and another four years of military service had earned Clem the job of Chief Engineer . When he came on , he was already the most knowledgeable person they had on the subject of the Guardians . But lately things had been slipping . He 'd set something down only to find that it had somehow disappeared afterward . He had trouble finding the right words to explain what he wanted to the young kids who weren 't listening anyway . He was forgetting . Clem stared at his hands and wondered where the time went . It used to be he could make the climb up to the cockpit in under an hour with no harness . A few years back , he had to have Takako rig up something to keep him safe . Even with the harness , he still had to stop and rest on the way up . He looked around the cockpit . He still knew every piece of machinery in here . Every nick and scratch in Helios ' metal hide was as familiar to him as the scrapes and bumps of his own body . He was pulled out of his thoughts by a blinking light on the console . For a minute , his brain didn 't quite register what he was seeing . All twelve of the Guardians had been decommissioned years ago . There shouldn 't be enough power in the control core to run a toaster , much less something of this size . The lights flickered and clicked on above him as the giant roared to life . The door to the cockpit slammed shut , and Clem 's ears popped as the cabin pressurized . Dazed , he shuffled towards the view screen . Small words scrolled across the screen as the systems booted up one by one . " Nobody knows what happened , boss , " she replied . " All twelve Guardians just powered on , one by one . You need to get out of there before it starts moving . " Takako 's shrug was almost audible . " Could be whoever shut them down didn 't do it right . Could be a glitch in the AI . I suppose someone could have hacked into the system recently . We weren 't exactly keeping a close eye on them . " There was a loud groan as the weapons went online . Clem watched helplessly as the reticle formed on the view - screen and targeted an incoming passenger shuttle . They were flying low , ready to land in the city . Clem did the math in his head . During rush hour , there had to be close to a hundred people on the shuttle . " About two thousand , " she said . He could just make out the sound of her fingers tapping on the keyboard . " They 're shooting down anything that 's coming in . Not just passenger shuttles , either . At least two supply ships have been torpedoed in the harbor . We 've already sent out a signal warning people to stay away . " Clem stared at the view screen . The weapons systems were all online , and Helios was fully operational . There was enough firepower on one of the Guardians to level the city a few times over , much less all twelve . In the distance , the smoke from the passenger shuttle wafted into the air . A flock of birds flew past , and Clem cringed waiting for the system to take aim . " We 'd need twelve teams , working in unison on site , " Takako said , the excitement rising in her voice . " Even then , I don 't think powering them down will be enough . We 're going to have to destroy them , boss . " Clem clicked off the radio and stared at the control panel in front of him . He shivered slightly . It was already cold this high up , and wasn 't likely to get any warmer . He cycled through menus , trying to locate the climate control . The city had removed most of the comfort systems when they automated the robots twenty years ago . The only concessions left were the pilot 's seat , and the control panel for maintenance . It took close to an hour before he was able to locate the necessary files . His fingers were numb as he clumsily typed out the commands . The familiar ache of arthritis had settled in to his wrists and elbows , forcing him to type at a snail 's pace . Something clicked inside the robot , and for a second Clem worried that he 'd misread something and fired off more weapons . Warm air poured out of the vents , bringing with it the smell of burned dust . " At least one thing 's gone right today , " Clem thought at he massaged his aching wrists . The sun had fully set , and night had settled in . Away from the city lights , he was able to take in the full measure of the stars . A feeling of insignificance washed over him , followed closely by the fear of the situation he was in . He sank back in the chair , and let himself cry . A large banging filled the cockpit , pulling him awake . Clem sat up , and regretted it instantly . He could barely turn his neck . The banging continued , followed by the muffled shouts of Takako . Turning to the cockpit door , he could just make out her head peeking in through the window . " It 's about time , " she said , running a hand over her shaved head . A small pattern of scars crisscrossed the skin on her neck and scalp . " You know how cold it is out there ? " The sky outside was lightening with the rising sun , and Clem realized he 'd been out for hours . He turned to the young blonde man who had climbed up with Takako . His name tag read " Anderson " . He was tall , and his muscles showed even through the jumpsuit that was practically designed to make everyone look as unattractive as possible . " One team of two for each Guardian : a pilot and an engineer , " Anderson whispered . " Takako will use the Guardians ' internal network to let the other teams into the cockpits , at least . Then , each team will work to restore manual control to the pilots . We 'll move each Guardian away from the city and detonate the control cores . " They followed Takako over to the control panel , where she 's already set up a small workstation for herself . Her lips moved silently as her fingers flew over the keyboard . The two men watched her work in silence for a few minutes . Each time another team gained access to a Guardian , she nodded . Clem hurried into the control core , telling himself that the itching in his skin was not related to the radiation . The green light of the core pulsed in rhythm with his heart beat . They set up the explosives , Clem practically holding his breath the entire time . When Clem reached Takako , she was frowning at the view screen . " There 's something wrong with the code , " she muttered . " It doesn 't make any sense . " Clem was interrupted by the sound of gears grinding . The landscape shifted as Helios turned to the right . The reticle locked on to the distant purple figure of Apollyon with a loud beep . Takako typed furiously at the keypad as the weapons systems roared to life . Missiles fired towards Apollyon , and a small explosion filled the air . The purple robot crashed to the ground in a smoking heap . Takako shrugged . " Security system must 've detected the intruders . I told that group to be careful . One less Guardian to worry about , I guess . " " Have the remote detonator right here " , he said , coming up behind them . He sat down in the pilot 's seat , and Clem watched the holographic controls spring to life around him . With a few gestures , the pilot had Helios facing due west again , and marching away from the city . Takako was loading her equipment into her pack , while Clem stared in awe at the ease with which Anderson moved the robot . It was just like he 'd imagined it as a kid . There was a tight squeeze in Clem 's heart , and he knew what he had to do . He reached back for his toolkit and grabbed a wrench . Anderson was focused on the controls , and Takako was busy with her pack . Neither one of them noticed him standing behind the pilot until it was too late . Before Takako could say anything , Clem swung out with the wrench and clubbed Anderson in his head . " Taking his place , " Clem said . " He 's young , he 's got a whole career ahead of him . It 's not right that he sacrifices himself like this . I 'm Chief Engineer of the Guardian program , what do I have left when this is done ? " Clem grabbed Anderson 's shoulders , and Takako took his legs . They carried the big man over to the cabin door , which slid open to let them out . The robot stood still in the cold morning air . Clem looked east back towards the city , glittering in the sunlight . He hoped his wife would understand . Takako adjusted her harness to the climbing rig , and hooked Anderson to it . He groaned a little as he began to wake up . She handed Clem the remote detonator and shook her head at him one last time . " I still think you 're an idiot , " she said . Clem watched them slide down over the edge and begin the descent . A small breeze came in from the south with a hint of sea air . A small flare fired up from the ground , signaling that they 'd gotten clear of the robot . He walked back into the control room , and settled into the chair . Trying to replicate the movements he 'd seen Anderson do , he began to move the robot . Helios took a few halting steps forward , and teetered dangerously on its feet . Moving slowly and deliberately , Clem steered the robot out west away from the city . It didn 't take long to find the rhythm , and for a second , he considered just steering the robot out into the world . Walking as far west as they could go until he died of starvation . Then he closed his eyes and smiled . That was a child 's fantasy . He had one last job to do , and he needed to finish it . The robot marched to the west for an hour or so , Clem feeling young for the first time in ages . He thought back to Jeremiah Hughes and laughed . When they were out of view of the city , Clem stopped the robot . He got up from the pilot 's chair and lit a cigarette . Janet had made him quit years ago , but he always snuck one when working on Helios . He stared out of the view screen at the world around him , and felt the smoke fill his lungs . This was a good death . Reaching down for the detonator , he pressed the button , and his life disappeared in a flash of green light . Posted on October 9 , 2015 by Chris Page It has been twenty years , but I still remember the walls of Cassiopeia . A marvel of engineering , they stood almost a mile high , and protected the city from invading forces for almost 200 years . I grew up in the shadow of the wall , with my parents and my sister . When I was very young , I used to dream about the world on the other side . I would lay back at night and imagine the trees and lush green fields where the farm hands worked . My world was cobblestone and marble . Our home was nestled so close to the wall that we only saw sunlight a few hours a day . When the war reached the city , you could hear the explosions all night . Ansara would wake up and cry . Most nights , I would sneak over to her bed and hold her until she stopped . By the third night , I had gotten used to it . It still amazes me what a person can adjust to if they have to . It took the Lacertans thirteen days to break through the defenses . My last night in Cassiopeia , I heard my parents arguing about it . My mother said that the council had betrayed us , that they were Lacertan sympathizers . My father said that you never knew who was listening . My parents finally agreed to pay two men to get the four of us out of the city . I remember my mother giving them her jewelry , including a ring that had been in her family for six generations . They came for us early the next morning . The sun had not yet risen when Ansara and I were placed into a narrow compartment underneath an offal cart . My parents had given each of us some money , and a few small heirlooms , then promised to meet us just outside the gates . It felt like days before we reached the northern gate . Mostly , I remember waiting in the foul - smelling darkness , our arms wrapped around each other , terrified that every bump would be soldiers inspecting the cart . Once they had gotten us outside , we were left on our own in the wilderness . We waited for several days , starving and cold . We hid in the bushes and watched the city fall . The wall that had sheltered me my entire life crumbled , filling the air with a pale dust . I can still hear the cheering from the Lacertan army as they pushed forward into the city . At night , when I close my eyes , I can see the fires as the city burned . It was my fourteenth birthday . After the third day , I realized our parents were not coming . My sister cried , and insisted we stay . Maybe she was right , and they are still there waiting for us . Even then , the patrols had already began searching for anyone escaping the city . We followed the road north , being sure to stay to the trees in case anyone was watching it . We also did our best to avoid the others escaping the city . We had no food or shelter , and to this day I thank the stars that we had not left during winter . It was late summer , and there were berries and other plants we could eat on our way . We slept in ditches and drank rain water when we could . My sister would not move quickly , though . She still mourned our parents , and slept far longer than I liked . Perhaps , I was too lenient in the beginning , but it was only because I loved her . If I had pushed her harder , and we had arrived earlier - Neither of us was suited for life in the wilderness . We were city children , used to warm blankets and delivered food . I laugh now , to think of us , scrabbling through the brush looking for something to fill our bellies , back when I still thought I knew what hunger was . We were far enough away from the city that people had begun lighting fires at night . Ansara wanted to join them , but I was still afraid . One night we waited just at the edge of the light as people gathered around the fire . They talked about how the Lacertans were offering good money for any Cassiopeian refugees . The nearest city was Orion Alpha . I had never been there before , but I did our best to keep us heading in that general direction . We moved slowly , and soon there were too many people following the road for us to stay hidden . Behind us , a giant column of smoke rose into the sky from Cassiopeia . We blended into the crowds , most coming from Orion Beta . Their city had been the first to fall to the Lacertans . Unlike us , they had evacuated before the Lacertans arrived , and most of them had escaped with at least a few belongings . It is normally a three day journey to Orion Alpha . We arrived two weeks after leaving Cassiopeia . Coming around the bend towards the city , I was struck by the sheer mass of humanity waiting outside the city gates . Armed soldiers lined the walls , letting only a small trickle through each day . Small tents had been set up for people to sleep in . The air smelled of sweat and shit . Still , I did my best to put on a brave face for Ansara . We descended the hill , only to be stopped by soldiers at the perimeter of the camp . Metal bracelets were clamped on our arms saying which tent we belonged to . We were each given a bedroll and told to present ourselves at the gates each morning at sunrise . There , we would eventually be moved into the city . Walking through the camp , what struck me most was how quiet it was . There was no laughter , no spirited conversation . People waited in silence . After some time , we found our tent . The beds were stacked on top of each other , and there were no walls to keep the wind or vermin out . We found an empty bed near one side , and waited . Other people drifted in and out of the tent , but most were at the city gate . When they came back , nobody acknowledged us beyond a small grunt . Every night , one of the guards would come by with rations for the next day . Every morning , we would all line up at the gate , in the hopes that we would be admitted into the city . There were times when I wished that we had died with our parents . Waiting for days on end , worrying that every minute the Lacertans would come over the ridge and wipe out the entire camp . The only thing that kept me going was Ansara . She did not cry anymore , but she did not smile either . I wanted to see my sister happy , and I knew that would only happen in the city . Each morning , we would line up with the others , waiting to see if we would be picked to enter the city . We waited for hours in the sun , only leaving to return to our tents when it dipped below the horizon . The guards would give us food vouchers when they checked us back in , which would be exchanged for moldy bread and a thin broth . I did not have to worry long . She was selected to join the others in the city a few days later . She screamed and reached back for me , but the guards slammed her to the ground and started calling her an agitator . Ignoring her cries , they dragged her into line with the others , and we shared one last look before she entered the city . I never saw her again . Without Ansara , my life descended into further drudgery . I had focused so much of my survival in keeping her alive , of getting her into the city , that I no longer knew what to do . I showed up at the gates , hoping to have the same luck she did . If I were able to make it in , we might still be reunited . It was in the dead was winter when I finally chosen . We huddled near the entrance as always . At this point , I was waiting more for what ever warmth I could find from the others than anything else . As always , a man walked along the line , picking people seeming at random . I stared at him , refusing to duck my head like so many others had . He smiled and grabbed my arm , looking at the metal band that had been forced on me when we arrived . Talking quickly to the others in a language I didn 't understand , he nodded at me and then moved on down the line . Two guards grabbed me and dragged me towards the city gates . I arrived in a massive room with lines painted on the floor . Above me , a loud speaker rattled off the following words in a variety of languages . Even now , years later , I can still hear that voice when I 'm falling asleep . Posted on June 12 , 2015 by Chris Page The elevator rises in fits and starts , and I already know I 'm in for a long afternoon . I adjust the mask that covers my mouth and nose , then check the gloves on my hands for the hundredth time . I try not to think about how old the cables are that pull the tiny metal box upward , never mind how crusted they might be with spores . The box grinds to a halt , and I start to panic . The doors only open at the top and bottom of the shaft . It 's only been a few minutes , I 'm nowhere near the surface . This would be a shitty way to die , trapped in a five by four coffin , my brain says . I tell it to shut up and remind it that Lewis wouldn 't leave me up here . As if on cue , I hear his voice over the speakers . " We had a bit of a fuck - up with the machine , Yuki . We 're going manual . You should still make it up with plenty of time before the next sporefall . " There 's no way to communicate back down with him , but I nod anyway . The elevator lurches upward again , a few feet at a time , and I let out a sigh of relief . It 's been fifteen days since the last time I was topside . Runners are supposed to wait three weeks between shifts . I managed to talk Lewis into letting me go early . It took a couple of days , and now I 'm so close to the surface I can barely breathe . I slide my goggles into place before pulling the hood up over my head , and tightening it down . The doctors find so much as single spore hitching a ride and you 're grounded for at least two months . I grab the crowbar that sits in every elevator , then pry the doors open . A small bit of blue sky peeks out at me from the two foot gap between the top of the door and the pavement . Wedging the doors open , I jump and pull myself up . There 's always a moment , when you 're halfway through , when you worry about the elevator falling . I slide myself through the gap , careful not to tear my suit . It 'll only keep the spores out for a few hours , but then , two 's all I 've got . It takes my breath away every time . Above me , there 's nothing but blue sky , streaked with a few wisps of green from the last sporefall . My eyes drop down over the buildings to the street , still lightly dusted with pollen . Stepping out , I can just make out the same worn path from previous runners . I follow it for awhile , noting the most common trails that branch off . My last run , all I came back with were a couple cans of rancid meat and a jar of pickles . I need to bring something good back for Lewis , and I won 't find it in picked over apartments and old offices . I break away from the main track and start on my usual route towards the water . I 've found some good stuff there before , and most of the other runners won 't go that far out of their way to find things . After a few blocks , I start to jog . I 'm aching to feel the wind against my skin . But even the little bit left exposed on my face means a heavy scrub from the doctors when I get back . The water is just barely visible when I see the tracks . Someone was here recently . My mind flashes back to the schedule , trying to figure out who would have the nerve to run my route . Parker went up last week , so she 's out for awhile , and Emma tends to go towards the other side of town . I kneel down to inspect the fresh footprints in the green dust . " That bitch , " I think , as I stand up . She knew I was on the docket . I head down towards the water anyway , hoping to find something that she missed . I pass by the first two high - rises , knowing that I cleaned them out years ago . A little further down , I start looking for the telltale signs that someone 's hit a place : a hand print on a window or pollen pushed away from the entrance by a door opening . Without much hope , I try a few buildings I 'd been saving . Simone 's been too thorough . The lower levels are cleaned out and I don 't have time to reach the top floors . It 's not a complete waste , as I manage to grab a few tins of pudding from one . Simone ignored them , but I know the guys in maintenance have a sweet tooth . It never hurts to have them in your good graces . I check a couple more places and manage to pick up some unlabeled cans of food . Feeling better about myself , I hit the fifth floor of the last stop on my run . I 'm only up there a few seconds , when I see a flash from the sky . The sun peeks out from behind the sporefall , catching the top of a skyscraper that somehow escaped the usual dusting of green . I stand for a moment , dazzled by the light shining off the metal . It 's not that far away . If I leave now , I have just enough time to check it out and still get back to the elevator . Something crashes down in the room above me and I freeze . My first thought is Simone . I quickly dismiss it , since she 's not clumsy enough to make that much noise . Anyone who is should probably be avoided though . I give the place one last check on my way out . On a shelf in the hall I find a couple of books and shove them in my bag before heading for the stairs . I always try to grab at least one book for Lewis every run . He 'd burn through a novel a night if he had the chance . Plus , the look on his face when he 's absorbed in a book always makes me smile . From the ground , the shiny building is a bit harder to find . I head in its general direction , but quickly become lost on the unfamiliar streets . The spores are thicker here , muffling all of the sound . There 's a faint hum in the air . Almost like a song that I can 't quite make out . It 's pretty clear that nobody has been by this way in a long time . I glance up now and then to make sure I 'm headed in the right direction , but otherwise my eyes are moving back and forth across the street , marking off potential targets for my next run . I 'm so close that I 've started shaking with excitement . The ground is thick with spores . Even through the mask , I can smell the pollen hanging in the air . The hum is louder here . I can practically feel it in my bones . My brain warns me that I 'm running out of time , but all I can think of is the flash of metal in the sunlight . I hurry down an alley , hoping to cut some time off my travel . Long tendrils of mold hang down from the fire escapes above me , floating gently in the breeze . Water drips steadily somewhere in the darkness . I rush forward , trying to keep my footing in the thick green around me . My feet kick up chunks of it with each step , and a quick glance behind me shows my footprints stretching back out to the street . I hurry around the corner , holding my breath . There it is , the sharp gleaming spire I had seen earlier . I walk towards it in awe . Everything else is completely covered in green , but it only reaches halfway up this one . The top floors remain entirely untouched . Moving slowly towards it , I remind myself to breathe . Every step causes small ripples to spread along the spores on the ground . Without thinking , I walk up to the front doors and the spores seem to shudder in anticipation . My hand moves on its own towards the door handle . Ahead of me , on the street , something lurches up from under the green . I brush the pollen from my goggles and stare . More movement follows and a body drags itself towards me . Covered in pollen , its limbs moving jerkily , it 's already half a block away and getting closer . I glance back to the sidewalks and see more of them following . I run back down the alley , trying to ignore the ripples that spread out with every step . I 've just reached the other side when my foot sticks . I look down and see the spores harden around my left boot . Turning back to the alley , more bodies are shambling down the fire escapes and through the doors . They move like puppets , taking halting steps forward . I grab my boot to pull it up , but the spores have already moved up another half an inch . My right foot is now stuck as well . Ahead of me is clear pavement . I unlace my boots , sliding my feet out , and jump for the pavement . My upper body hits hard against the concrete and I roll forward . My heart breaks a little as I run back the way I came . Those boots were my mother 's , back when she was a runner . I give them one last look and they 're already completely covered in spores . I try not to think about how much damage the pavement is doing to my bare feet . The only important thing is getting back to the elevator . The streets ahead are clear of pollen as more spore - covered bodies emerge from the buildings . They push forward off the sidewalk , trying to close off the street in front of me . I run faster , ducking under grasping green hands . Even as I run past them , my eyes pick up little details . The spores squirming under the skin . Muscles straining to fight even as they 're forced forward . I can see the elevator now . I look behind me , and my feet slow to a stop . At the head of the pack is Simone . The spores wriggle under her skin , forcing her forward . The green has already broken through in places . But her eyes are still human and full of fear . I step back from her as she takes another halting step forward . The elevator is only a few yards away now . She reaches out a hand for me , and I don 't know if it 's her or the spores . I turn my head and run for the elevator , sliding down into the narrow gap , and pulling the metal bar behind me . The doors slam shut , and I sit in the darkness clutching the bar . I fight the urge to rip the mask and goggles off . There 's spores on my clothes , my skin . I try to breathe through the mask , but I can 't . Trying to calm myself , I check my bag . Follow the routine . Everything is still there . There 's a loud groan and I stare at the doors waiting . The elevator shudders to life with a squeal and the lights kick on . Mom had shopping to do , and dragged me along with her . I tried to convince her to leave me in the magazine section so I could read comics , but she wasn 't having any of it . Instead I followed her up and down the aisles as she compared prices on bread , and looked at off - brand cans of vegetables . At the far end of the aisle , a man was pretending to look at the fancy soups . He kept sneaking glances at us as we moved down the aisle . He was excessively normal : average height and build . He wore a hat and glasses , along with a long coat and scarf . Even now , I couldn 't tell you what he looked like exactly , other than " normal " . Moving down the aisle , I grabbed Mom 's hand as we passed him . Mom smiled and gave it a squeeze and for a moment that day , I felt safe and loved . I was the perfect center of her universe . When she tucked me in bed that night , she stopped before turning out the lights . She cocked her head a little and said , " Are you okay ? You 've been quiet all afternoon " She nodded and turned out the light . I lay on the bed staring at the glow in the dark stars on my ceiling . They had lost some of their glow over the years , and it seemed like every morning there was another fallen star on the carpet . Rubbing the sleep from my eyes , I got dressed and shuffled downstairs to get some cereal . Mom was waiting in the kitchen , her eyes moving anxiously towards the clock on the stove . " There 's not going to be time for breakfast , " she said . " You 'll have to eat on your way to the stop . " I nodded and hurried out the door . I was determined to go to the empty bus stop and wait for a bit before coming home . Mom was going to feel so stupid when she realized it was Sunday , I was sure of it . When I got to the stop , the usual kids were there . Standing off to one side was a skinny blonde woman . She was older , close to Mom 's age , and wore the same coat , hat , and scarf as the man I 'd seen . My heart started racing and I had to remind myself to breathe . I nudged Jimmy , who lived a few houses down from us and nodded my head at the lady . I nodded , afraid to say anything else . I spent the rest of the day staring out the window , waiting to see if another strange person showed up . None of them did , not even after school when Michelle and I walked back to the apartment . I told her all about the woman at the bus stop and how I was pretty sure she was connected to the guy at the store . Four years went by before it happened again . Mom had married Alan , this accountant from Albuquerque . He was the type of guy who said , " Oh , sugar " instead of " Oh , shit " . When they got married , we moved out of the apartment and into his house in the suburbs . I missed the noise of the apartment , and had a hard time falling asleep in the new house . We 'd only been living there a few days , and I was riding my bike after school . It was a new housing development so there weren 't many kids there yet . Mom insisted that I could only go as far as the end of the block . She and Alan were out having a " date night " and left me to myself . It was finally my chance to do some real exploring . The first couple of blocks were the same cookie cutter houses and manicured lawns . But once you moved down a few streets , you got to see the ones that were still being built . There was one , at the end of the cul - de - sac , that was mostly finished . It had floors and rooms done , and even though it was the same as the house we lived , it felt different . Back then , I wasn 't scared of other kids . But something inside told me that I needed to get out . I was halfway out the window above the garage when I saw him . The man from before , standing in the doorway . He looked exactly the same , right down to the scarf . But he didn 't move . He just stood there , staring at me . I think part of me had been waiting for this , knew that I hadn 't imagined it after all . I forced myself to keep my eyes open , to remember something . Mostly , what I remember is pain . A whole lot of it . Pain and a dark , empty room . Then I was back , sitting in the driveway of the empty house next to my bike . My head was throbbing and I don 't think I 've ever been that thirsty , before or since . I couldn 't ride the bike , hell , I could barely walk . I don 't really remember how I got home , to be honest . After I stowed my bike in the garage , I stumbled up to my room and curled up in my bed , trying to ignore how much my body hurt . When I woke up the next morning , I noticed a long , thin scar running up the side of my stomach . I have to admit , I freaked out a bit . I remember stumbling down the hall , trying to ignore the memories of the house from the night before . Eventually , I found Mom in the kitchen . Alan had already left for work . I wanted to tell her , tried to think of the right words . Something that wouldn 't make it my fault . I shook my head , and lifted the bottom of my shirt , showing her the scar . She raised an eyebrow and shook her head at me . " Okay , " she said . " What am I looking at here ? " At first , I couldn 't believe it . I pointed at the scar that ran from just under my rib cage down the side of my stomach . " This . Something got me last night , Mom . They … hurt me . " She stared at me for a second , then sighed and shook her head . " Colleen , I don 't have time for this . Now please , I barely get any quiet time to myself as it is , so if you don 't mind ? " " Last night , we all went to the movies . You were with me the entire time . And I don 't think it 's funny for you to scare me like that . " She pinched the bridge of her nose between her thumb and fingers , before shooing me off with her other hand . " Please , just go outside and do something , " she said . " I get one Saturday a month where Alan goes to the office . One hour , that 's all I 'm asking for . " I went back to my room , feeling truly scared for the first time in my life . I stared at myself in the mirror , lifting my shirt to see the scar . I tried to remember going to the hospital . I could almost see it , feel the searing pain in my side . But then it was gone . Replaced by a dark room and a flash of light . If I closed my eyes , I could see them standing in the darkness . They were tall , and very thin , like someone had stretched them out . Then something cut into my skin , and I was back in the driveway . After that , I stopped exploring . I stopped doing much of anything , really . Mom wrote it off as normal teenage moodiness , and I don 't think Alan gave a shit one way or the other . Mostly , I stayed in my room . Eventually , I convinced Mom to let me move down to the basement . I saved up my allowance and hung some heavy curtains over the tiny windows in my new room . If they couldn 't see in , maybe they couldn 't get me again . When I went out , I kept my head down . If we went out to eat , I always tried to avoid a seat by the window . Any time I walked down the street , I stayed in the exact middle of the sidewalk . My eyes stared at the ground , but my mind was constantly on the vast and empty space above me . If they could grab me twice , and make people forget , then I was going to make it as difficult for them to grab me as possible . No windows , and no open doors behind me . By the time I graduated high school , I was the weird kid that nobody talked to . But , I hadn 't been taken in six years . It made me lazy , I guess . Caused me to let my guard down . I was waiting for the bus downtown when I saw her . Her hair was a little different , but like the man , she wore the same clothes as last time . She slid through the crowd like a shark , eyes moving back and forth . I ducked down a little as she passed . She 'd gotten about halfway down the block when she turned back and stared at me . We stared at each other for a few seconds , and then she smiled . She turned and hurried into the crowd . I still don 't know why I followed her . I guess that I thought if I stayed far enough back she couldn 't hurt me . She turned into an alley , and like an idiot I waited outside the entrance . There was another flash of light , and I was laying on my back in the alley . There were clothes on my body , but they weren 't mine . The shirt was too big and the shoes were too small . There was also a chunk of my shoulder missing . It turns out that a teenaged girl bleeding from a shoulder wound gets attention . I stumbled out of the alley , blood running down my arm . I only got a few steps before I fell over . The next thing I knew , there was a cop talking quietly to me . He asked me questions about who hurt me and where I 'd been . I must have looked confused because he quickly forced a smile and said he was just glad I was safe . They took me to the hospital and ran a bunch of tests . I had to talk with a social worker , who told me that I 'd been gone for a week . All I wanted was to go home and not have to answer a bunch of stupid questions . Finally , I just stopped talking . The doctors decided I was in shock . After all , who loses a chunk of their body and doesn 't know how it happened ? And now I 'm here , talking to you people . Everyone says that talking about it will help the healing process . That if I let it all out , I can take those first steps towards recovery . Someday , the doctors say , I might even get to go home . Mom and Alan stopped visiting a couple of months back . I don 't blame them . I see the man and the woman , still . Sometimes they watch me from the hall , or at night when I 'm falling asleep . I 've started counting the scars . They 're the only things I have left that belong to me . There are over twenty now . Each one a tiny souvenir from a place I never wanted to visit , and a reminder of the place I can never go back to . |
Today 's SayingSolvitur ambulando , St . Jerome was fond of saying . To solve a problem , walk around . ~ Gregory McNameeThe Pigeon Day 's Parade on Saturday was certainly one of the greatest parades ever in Pigeon Falls . It started with a surprise . Instead of Vicki East riding in an open car and singing the Pigeon Falls song . It started , instead , with Calab riding one of those huge , wooly , elephant creatures and carrying a bouncing head . One poor lady was so surprised she dropped her pasty . The animal raised its trunk , trumpeted and the building shook . At the end of the parade route Calab rode off into the woods . Apparently the only one 's who knew this was coming were Mrs . Trumble and Vicki East . Of course , everything else was sort of anti climax but still fun . Last Lutheran 's Youth Group had a beautiful float built around the theme saved by grace . The Liar 's Club had a giant mouth . People were very creative but Calab still stole the show . It was a very good day for the Methodist ladies who sold a lot of pasties . You can 't beat a good Methodist pasty made from an old Cornish recipe . Today they will name the potato farmer of the year and all the summer festivities will be over . The only other thing to be announced is the winner of the Liar 's Club Contest . Rumor has it that Jon Bergall got a 9 . 7 but that 's only a rumor . Today 's Saying 26If any think they are religious , and do not bridle their tongues but deceive their hearts , their religion is worthless . James 1 : 26Over at Last Lutheran Pastor Joan has just finished putting a few last additions into her sermon . Here is a part of that sermon : I look out over the congregation and I am so glad to see you here . You are the good church members . We have members who only come once or twice a year . We have members who never come . We have former members up to no good at all . Some of them are drunks , some fornicators , some just rotten people . But you 're here because you 're the good people . God has to love you and me . I 'd be surprised if he even likes them . Some of you look a little uncomfortable . Perhaps you are one of them . The rest of you know I 'm right . Is there anybody here that doesn 't see us as better than them ? Raise your hand so we can know who you are . Only Herman . Please don 't tell me that only Herman knew the truth . Please tell me , over coffee , that you were just afraid to disagree with meTell me you didn 't want to upset the pregnant lady . Tell me you are really Lutheran and believe in salvation by grace . Tell me you know that you aren 't any better but you are forgiven . Tell me you don 't look down on anybody . Tell me your not one of today 's Pharisees . Please ! Please tell me . Today 's SayingWhen it is dark enough , you can see the stars . Charles Austin Beard Today is the day of the big Pigeon Falls Day Parade . All over town people are dressing up or hauling out floats . You can here Eino 's Stanley Steamer as he fine tunes the motor . That is one noisy car . There is no celebrity to lead the parade this year so it will begin with a float by the Musicgals on which Mrs . Vicky East will be singing the not yet revised Pigeon Falls song . Rumor is that the Liar 's Club has a giant pigeon on their float this year . But with the Liar 's Club it is hard to get the truth . The Big Liar Buddy East has announced that all the stories will be in and told by tomorrow . So Monday if there is one clear winner he or she will be announced . It looks like the parade is shaping up to be the greatest parade ever . Looking back over the week . On Friday Mrs . Trumble noted the great work that Constable Ican was doing and told the town Council they now had a real police force . She moved to change the name from Constable to Police with Ican as Chief . She really wants to keep him here . During the week people , usually tourists , reported seeing a large wooly elephant like creature but that has not been confirmed . There is some fear that one of the giant spiders is still running around but where can a giant spider hide ? A lot of people did their " I remember when " stories but the bad judges seemed to have returned and they didn 't score well . Lots and lots of complaining this year that the judges were just too low scoring . Today 's Saying " Worry is like a rocking chair - - it gives you something to do but it doesn 't get you anywhere . " - AnonymousConstable Ican met the Physician 's Assistant and the nurse at the door . He told them he had found Calab unconscious at the foot of the basement stairs and had carried him upstairs and laid him on the couch . Further he pointed out that since he called them Calab had regained consciousness but neglected to mention the spitting heads . As Ican left to go back to his office he said " You probably should give Calab some oxygen " . " We 'll determine that " the PA said in a somewhat disturbed voice . Soon after Ican left Calab began to have trouble breathing and the nurse was sent to bring in the oxygen from the ambulance . As they administered the oxygen his breathing returned to normal . Calab could remember going to the basement door and then he had no memory of anything until he found the PA giving him oxygen . He did not remember Ican , or the spitting heads . That entire part of his memory was just not there . Constable Ican went to see Mrs . Trumble and told her the entire story , complete with the spitting heads . She laughed and said " Now you are really part of this town . You can expect stranger things to happen and we are glad you 're here when they do . You aren 't thinking of quitting are you . " Today 's SayingMoney buys everything but good sense . - Old Yiddish SayingConstable Ican , still not sure why he was doing it , rushed into Calab 's house . Everything looked fine . There was no sign of a struggle . No indication of any kind that foul play had taken place . It looked like he kicked in the door for nothing . " Well " , he thought " This was a good job while it lasted . Door smashing just wasn 't in the job description . " After he had looked through all the rooms and even the upstairs closets he started for the door . Then he though " Look in the basement you idiot . Are you all this dumb . " Well he had broken in and it wouldn 't hurt any worse to look in the basement so he turned back and headed for the basement door . There at the bottom of the steps was an unconscious Calab . He had , apparently , fallen down the stairs . Constable Ican called for what passed in Pigeon Falls as a crack emergency response team , consisting of Herman , a nurse , and a Doctor 's assistant . He carried Calab upstairs and laid him on the couch . He was barely breathing . It would take the team a half hour to get there and he wasn 't sure Calab would last that long . That 's when he thought " Hold the front door open " . That made as little sense as anything else did . So he opened the front door and held it open . Suddenly two bouncing heads appeared and bounced by him to Calab . They spat on Calab 's head . Constable Ican swears he saw puffs of smoke as the spit landed . Suddenly Calab sat up . His color was returning . Constable Ican thought " Now he needs oxygen and a rest " . The heads bounced out the front door and into the woods . Today 's SayingI know what men want . Men want to be really , really close to someone who will leave them alone . ~ Elayne Boosler As Constable Ican stood on the front porch he kept getting this thought " Break in . He needs you . " He kept telling himself that was silly . He didn 't know enough to think that Calab needed him . He couldn 't break in without cause . He just couldn 't . But the thought kept coming back only now it got weirder . He was thinking " We are telling you he needs you " . He never had " we " thoughts before . Perhaps , he was working too hard on this case that might not even be a case . Then he thought " Are you stupid get in there and save him before it 's too late . " Now he knew his mind was going . So he decided to go back to the office and take an aspirin . But as he started back toward the car he thought " Stupid ! If you leave he dies . Get in there " . So he decided to throw caution to the wind and go with his gut or to be more exact the voices in his head . The worst that could happen is he could lose his job . Try explaining to the Mayor that " I know they couldn 't use the evidence I found there . It being the fruit of the poison tree or some such legal thing . But the voices made me do it " . That defense would take him a long way . But he went back up on the porch . Stared for a moment at the door and then kicked . Today 's SayingPeople should take time to be happy . - Grandma Moses Calab Hendrickson has disappeared . He hasn 't been seen since his last Wednesday . His relatives are worried and have asked Constable Ican to investigate . Of course this being Pigeon Falls rumors abound . He was eaten by the bouncing heads . He was taken by one of those giant spiders . He was kidnapped by the bouncing heads . He was stepped on by one of those big , wooly elephant like things . He lies crushed in the woods . The government agents have him in a secret government location and are trying to force him to tell them where the bouncing heads are . He got drunk and fell into a ravine somewhere . He has a secret girlfriend and is spending time at her place . He went to Disney World ( Amanda - six suggested this ) Nancy says at least Ican has a lot to choose from . Our good Constable , however , has some problems . He needs a legal way to get into Calab 's house . The man has a right to privacy . There is no proof he is dead or kidnapped . There is no proof any crime has been committed . So he can 't just pick the lock or break the door . Calab 's relatives , on the other hand are sure something terrible has happened and want action now . So Ican went out to Calab 's place . There was one small house and two barns , all locked up tight . No signs of a struggle outside . There is some kind of stain on the front porch which could very well be blood and tests as blood with Ican 's limited equipment . But whether it 's human or not is another question . The town has no crime lab and Ican has to send a sample out to the crime lab . That takes time . Today 's SayingWhat is the difference between unethical and ethical advertising ? Unethical advertising uses falsehoods to deceive the public ; ethical advertising uses truth to deceive the public . ~ Vilhjalmur Stefansson , 1964Saturday was one of the most interesting race days since Pigeon Falls Days began . There were more participants than ever and there was the new wheelbarrow relay . That was a wild event . There was this out of town team . In the wheelbarrow was some guy named Doctor John clutching an oxygen tank and looking totally frightened . His daughter Pennie pushed the first round and she seemed to be limping so that round gave them horrible time . But then his wife Betty took the next round . Wow could that old lady run . She certainly made up a lot of the time Pennie lost . A lady named Quilly , odd name that , took over next . She ran like the wind and they might have been ahead at the end of that round but that 's when it happened . On the passing some guy named Thom , who was taking pictures of the whole thing got to close . He tripped and fell into the two people making the pass . They pushed and the wheelbarrow suddenly shot loose and down an embankment . The poor old guy , oxygen tank and all , got dumped on a pile of rocks . Now he can 't walk . Thom kept apologizing and taking pictures . The judges offered to let them run the last round again with the time starting from when the accident happened . But Dr . John refused to get back in the wheelbarrow . He kept saying " a guy could get killed . " The winners of the event were the Bergall Family . Jon 's father rode in the wheelbarrow . The Maki 's won the three legged race as they have for the last three years . Buddy East almost won the sack race but tripped just before the finish line . He was beaten by a six year old kid . In the big baseball game . The local Catholic Church defeated Last Lutheran . In fact of the three teams that played , Last Lutheran was last . They gave that their best players were all in the races and were just plain tired out . Today 's SayingDiscipleship means allegiance to the suffering Christ … It is a joy and token of His grace . … Dietrich BonhofferIt is Sunday in Pigeon Falls and Pastor Joan is putting the finishing touches on her sermon . Here is a part of that sermon : I was at a Wedding reception a few weeks ago and a man , who had had a little too much to drink came up to me . He stuck his finger in my face and said " What about dead babies , huh ? What do you have to say about them " How do you answer that ? I said " That 's a good question come to my office during the week and we 'll talk about it . " He walked away muttering " Stupid Pastors never give you a straight answer . " I assume the question behind his finger was " How can you believe in a good and loving God in a world that is not good , not loving , and certainly not kind . How can you believe when babies die ? " Usually I am asked that question by people who don 't want to believe . They always have that smug , now I 've got ya , look . And they do . I don 't know why babies die . I don 't . I don 't know why the poor suffer . I really don 't . I don 't know why God gave us free will . I really don 't . I could spend this entire sermon telling you the things I don 't know . But this I do know . When the guy with the smug look walks away having stuck it to the preacher I hear a voice saying " Will you too go away ? " Will I throw it in and become a teacher or a social worker ? In this age of unbelief walking away is far easier than staying . But I suppose it always has been . But then I hear myself joining Peter and saying " Lord where shall I go . You have the words of eternal life . " I don 't follow Jesus because of proofs . I follow Him because he is for me the Truth and the Way . He gives me joy and peace . He sets me free . In Him I am alive . Lord where else can I go . Your it . You 're the One . Today 's SayingDon 't ask yourself what the world needs ; ask yourself what makes you come alive . And then go and do that . Because what the world needs is people who have come alive . ~ Harold WhitmanToday is going to be a fun day in Pigeon Falls . In the afternoon all the crazy races are being held . All week Father 's and sons have been working at getting ready for the three legged race . Other 's have been practicing pushing somebody in a wheelbarrow . New this year is the wheelbarrow relay race . The race is four miles long and each of four people push a lap . The fifth person sits in the barrow . There will be laughing and screaming . For the most part just plain fun . In the morning the Liar 's Club stories continue . Rumor has it that some non local named Thom is in the lead at this point . But The Big Liar Buddy East is not saying anything . A lot of time was spent in the week gone by getting ready for the big parade next Saturday . Anybody that belonged to any kind of group got called to come work on that group 's float . Eino has dusted off and fired up his Stanley Steamer and says it is ready . They still don 't know who will lead the parade . The Tommy Club is working on a float but they , so far , have worked without Tommy UK . He spent last week working through his own problems . The Parade theme , like the Liar 's Club story theme is Remembering When . Today 's SayingThere is often less danger in the things we fear than in the things we desire . ~ John C . CollinsMrs . Trumble wiped a tear from her eye and then said " No Tommy . It is not the man in black . I really wish it was . You can 't believe how much I wish it was . Then she went on to tell Tommy how the man in black was Tommy 's father 's best friend . How he was there when his father was dying and how he had promised to watch over Tommy . She pointed out that he has been very good at keeping the promise . It seems that Tommy 's father had also been one of the men in black . They were not from our dimension but were special beings whose task it was to keep the beings from one dimension from invading another . They were called Guardians . Their biggest problem was with the demons who seemed to think the entire universe belonged to them . A group of demons had ambushed Tommy 's father and by the time other Guardians arrived to defeat them Tommy 's father was dying . He got his friend to promise both to watch over Tommy and to tell his one true love Mrs . , Trumble what had happened . That 's when she went to live with her parents . Tommy was both sad and happy with the information . He was happy he knew who his father was but sad that he would never meet him . Now he had to come to grips with the fact that he was only half human . Today 's SayingTo bring up a child in the way he should go , travel that way yourself once in a while . ~ Josh BillingsSo far this is one of the weeks that people in Pigeon Falls cherish . There has been no pronouncement from Petrovich . The dragons have flown over every evening . The whale showed up in the Lake of the Loons . The ghost piano played right on time and the empty shoes danced . Tourists kept coming . The Liar 's Club story tellers entertained people on main street . Just a normal week . Well that is if you don 't count the two government men who have been harassing Calab . They want him to tell them where the bouncing heads are . Calab claims he doesn 't know as they haven 't given him that information . He did tell him that they don 't talk as such . When they want him to know something the words just appear in his mind . " It was their idea to do the juggling act in the variety show . I don 't even know how to juggle . " Calab pointed out . Despite their threats to have him arrested for harboring aliens Calab hasn 't told them anything more . Tommy UK has been getting all the information he ccan from his birth mother Mrs . Trumble . It really made him feel good that she had come to Pigeon Falls to watch over him . She even showed him her album of pictures she took of him as he was growing up . But finally hhe asked her the one question rthat was left . " Who is my birth father ? Is it the man in black ? " Today 's SayingNow that it 's all over , what did you really do yesterday that 's worth mentioning ? ~ Coleman CoxEither the judges are getting more generous or we have a better group of story tellers . Yesterday there were a number of people whose stories rated high eight 's and another over nine . The over nine was achieved by Josh Pemberthy . Here is his story : I remember when the entire town of Mayfar disappeared into that fog and vanished forever . Some of you must remember Mayfar . It was thirty miles down Higgins road . If you go there now you will see a huge field where the town used to be . When I was a kid I used to go to Mayfar once a week to visit my uncle Bob and his wife Stella . They ran a little grocery store there and he always had a treat for me . I would get on my moped early in the morning and spend most of the day with them . I got to know most of the people in Mayfar . They were a nice lot . I really liked them . But then came my last trip to Mayfar . It was a beautiful day and the sun was shining bright but as I came up to Mayfar it was shrouded in a dense fog . You just couldn 't see the town at all . Then suddenly the fog lifted and there was no town at all . My uncle 's store was gone . The Odd Fellow 's building which was a big as our Masonic building was gone . The Happy Logger Lumber Yard was gone . Every single building was gone . Taken away by that fog . Well I raced home to tell my mother . I hollered " Ma , Ma , Mayfar has vanished . Uncle Bob is gone . She said " Are you off your meds again ? " She said that a lot . That 's when I understood the magic or the invisible alien rays had gotten to her . She even said I didn 't have an uncle Bob . And he was her brother . See I was protected by this aluminum foil in my hat . The rays couldn 't get through that . But they got to everybody else . Even the pictures in the family album of Mayfar all fogged up . But I still knew . A girl , Heloise , I met at the Institution is the only one , other than me , that remembers Mayfar . Don 't look at me like that I took my meds this mornPosted by Today 's SayingThe memories of men are too frail a thread to hang history from . ~ John StillSophia Polaski who is her visiting her relatives did a Lion 's Club Liar 's Club story . She got over a 9 . Here is her story . I remember when I found out what President Obama really was . I have to swear all of you to secrecy because if they find out I know they will destroy me . In fact if you listen to my story you are taking a real risk . As my relatives may have told you I worked for the Obama campaign . I did such a good job I was even asked to accompany his main group on some campaign trips . It was on one of those trips that I made my discovery . I had left some of my material in the conference room and went back to retrieve it . That 's when I heard them . They were concerned about being sure they could prove he was born in the US . Finally one of them said we 'll go back in time and set the documents in place . They won 't be able to doubt that . I couldn 't believe what I was hearing . How could they go back in time and tamper with official documents ? It made no sense . The door was open a crack and that 's when I saw them . They had dropped their human shape and were there as the aliens they were , almost human but still different . They had plans on taking over the world . It started with getting one of them elected President . Well I got out of there before they saw me . The next day I made an excuse about an illness in the family and left the group . I never went back . I know what he is and that he was born on another galaxy . Now I do have a picture of me and the President . I also have a very blurry picture I took through the crack in the door but if you look close I think you can see they aren 't human . I remember when it all happened and I 'm reminding you to tell no one . Today 's SayingIf there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time , the insane asylums would be filled with mothers . ~ Edgar W . HoweOn Saturday Patrick Marvel , son of a former Pastor of Last Lutheran won the 4K Yellow Brick Road Race . Only one contestant twisted an ankle and he was treated in the local clinic . Jon Bergall won the spouse carrying contest . People were surprised to see them entered since the last time they ran he ended up dropping her . Runner up was Hilda Salmi from Detroit whose husband is just a little guy . She might have won but when they were going through the kiddy wading pool he made some remark about her not getting him wet and she paused to think about dumping him in the pool but then went on . That cost her ten or eleven seconds and she only lost by five . The Teddy Roosevelt Train was a great success . With all the old costumes you felt like it was really that time . In fact some of the tourists really looked confused . The last night of the Variety show has been hailed by most of those who were there as the greatest Variety show ever . This time Calab stood alone on the stage and the heads came bouncing to him . It was spectacular , really spectacular . The Choirs were great . The Abbot and Costello Act finally got its lines right and was hilarious . The only thing missing was the new Pigeon Falls song whick Vicki East didn 't get finished . She did , however close the show with the old one . Today 's SayingA man who asks is a fool for five minutes . A man who never asks is a fool for life . - Chinese Proverb It is Sunday in Pigeon Falls . On this the last day of Old Timer 's week Pastor Marvel used to put on the old robes and wear clerical tabs like they did years ago but Pastor Joan says she can 't look like a pastor of one hundred years ago because the Lutherans had no woman pastors . She 'd have to put on a fake beard and it would cover the tabs . But she did put on an old black robe in place of the white alb she usually wears . Here is part of her sermon for today : " How many of you believe Jesus is really present in the Communion you will receive today ? Raise your hands . Wow ! EverybodyHow many of you understand how Jesus is present in the Bread and Wine ? Will you please raise your hands . What ! No hands raised . Your going to take Holy Communion today and you don 't understand how Jesus is present . It might surprise you but so am I . I don 't know how Jesus can be there for us in the Bread and Wine . I 've read a lot of books with a lot of explanations but none of them satisfy , not one . And yet I know He comes to me in the Bread and in the wine . I know that somehow they are his Body and Blood . Luther teaches that in the Small Catechism without ever explaining the how . He says : What is the Sacrament of the Altar ? It is the true body and blood of our Lord Jesus Christ , under the bread and wine , for us Christians to eat and to drink , instituted by Christ Himself . I guess we need to settle for that . He who gives life is there to give us new life . We do not need to understand or explain to receive . We just need to receive . Come Eat . Today 's SayingHaving two ears and one tongue , we should listen twice as much as we speak . Old Turkish SayingToday is one of those really active days in Pigeon Falls . There is the Yellow Brick road 4K run . It has over 200 entrants . That 's odd because it is hard to run on those old bricks . Last year two runners ended up with sprained ankles and never finished the race . They got their sweatshirts anyway . Along with that is the Spouse carrying contest . That takes place on main street and one has to carry one 's spouse over various obstacles . This year fifty three pairs are entered . If we are lucky nobody will drop their wife in the mud like they did last year . As far as we know that couple is still together although she swears he did it on purpose . There is also a rumor that on this the next to the last day of Old Timer 's week that the Bull Moose campaign train is going to make a quick stop in Pigeon Falls and Teddy will address the crowd himself . In any case there is a brass band waiting at the station and great big signs have been put up saying vote Teddy for President . The variety show which has been sold out every night has gotten better and better . Mrs . Trumble 's little comedy ski brought down the houseit was so funny . People cried when Last Lutheran 's Senior Choir sang a medley of old time romance songs . And Calab added another one of those heads to his act last night so he was juggling three of them . At the end they stuck out their tongues and spit in unison . How often do you see that ? The only problem was Vicki East still didn 't have the revision ready but she says she wants every word to be perfect . Today 's SayingProblems always look smaller after a warm meal and a good night 's sleep . - Old SayingPoor Tommy UK almost burst into tears when he saw the look on Mrs . Trumble 's face . He had been so sure . But then she threw her arms around him and began to cry and laugh at the same time . Finally she stopped and asked " What took you so long ? " He responded " Why didn 't you just tell me I gave you plenty of opportunity " = . You know . " I couldn 't " she explained " I promised a long time ago I wouldn 't tell you unless you confronted me and already knew . But I 've been trying to help you . I even hummed the song I sang to you when you were a baby . " Then she went on to tell of her falling in love with a wonderful young man . They seemed perfect for each other . They talked of marriage . She gor pregnant with Tommy . He told her why he couldn 't marry her and why he had to leave . So there she was in Hollywood , pregnanyt with no husband so she packed up and moved home . Tommy was born in her parent 's house . They didn 't dare go to a hospital where she might be recognized so a good friend who was a Doctor came there . The Doctor knew your uncle and arranged to take the baby to him and he arranged the adoption . She disappeared from public view altogether . At a private party she met Mr . Trumble . He knew nothing of her history . In fact he had never been to a movie . They dated for a bit and then they married . She talked him into retiring in Pigeon Falls so she could keep an eye on Tommy and when Mr . Trumble died she stayed on . This was almost more information than Tommy could process but it did help him to see why Mrs . Trumble had always been so important to him . Now he needed her to tell him who his father was . Today 's SayingChristmas is the time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it . Deficits are when adults tell government what they want and their kids pay for it . Richard Lamm The variety show got off to a less than spectacular start last night . A lot of the acts didn 't go as they were supposed to . Wednesday turned out more like a dress rehearsal for the rest of the week . Even Vicki East wasn 't ready woith Pigeon Falls Song revision . There was , however , one highlight that will never be forgotten . Calab Hendrickson who lives near the end of road did a juggling act that was literally out of this world . He juggled two of the bouncing heads that had come through the dimensional door but couldn 't get back when Tommy TW and the man in black sealed the doorway . As he juggled the heads went higher and higher crossing over from one side to the other over and over . But when they came down they always ended up in Calab 's hands . When he ended the act and bowed he held his hands out from his side and they seem to bow as well . The audience clapped and clapped . The heads had great big smiles and then both spit . That seems to be their expression of gratitude . People wanted to talk with him afterwards but he and the heads had vanished . Tommu Uk was visiting Mrs . Trumble in her office , the one with the big window . After a lot of small talk about the Pigeon Fall Days program she asked if he had gotten brave enough to confront his supposed mother . Tommy replied " You know I haven 't " . Mrs . Trumble responded " What do you mean I know ? " Tommy stood up straight , looked her in the eye , and said " Because you are my birth mother " . Mrs . Trumble looked at him like he was nuts . Today 's SayingOur job is to love others without stopping to inquire whether or not they are worthy . That is not our business and , in fact , it is nobody 's business . What we are asked to do is to love , and this love itself will render both ourselves and our neighbors worthy if anything can . - Thomas MertonThe Pigeon Falls Lion 's Club wishes to announce a story writing contest for anybody interested in writing short stories . The Story can be anywhere between one hundred and six hundred words . ' The title must be " I remember when . . . . . . . . " The story should be obviously false but with a ring of possible truth . ( Figure that out ) There are no real prizes but your story will become part of the ongoing Pigeon Falls story . More information is available HEREYesterday Tommy UK almost confronted the woman he thinks is his birth mother . Twice he went to where she was working and could see her through the window . But both times he chickened out and went to Nancy 's and had a cup of tea and a saffron bun . Nancy told him to pull himself together and just go and do it . Tonight the big variety show starts . Various people are down at the theater rehearsing their acts . The manager says they will be lucky if they can hold the whole thing to three hours . Vicki East is working on a revision of the Pigeon Falls song to unveil at this variety show . Nancy is a bit sad today . It is the anniversary of her first husband 's death . She had been married to Henry Johnson for only a month when he went back to his job as head mechanic for the M & LC railroad . He got careless and somehow fell under the train . Sometimes she believes it was her fault because he was thinking about her instead of paying attention to the job . Because of the large number of people wishing to tell " I remember when " stories the Liars Club extended their deadline to the end of the month sort of . Well it is the Liar 's Club so who knows if they really mean it . They might give one to the middle of next month . Today 's SayingRemember , we all stumble , every one of us . That 's why it 's a comfort to go hand in hand . ~ Emily Kimbrough . The Liar 's Club Contest continues and yesterday Thom Robinson who is visiting from Honolulu Hawaii took his turn . Here is his story : I remember when , Dr . Betty , DDS , whom had the local dentist office , fell in love with the travelling carnival clown Bill , and decided to move on with the carnival . That very next week , Dr . John , DDS , set up shop in the exact location . It just so happened that the day after he opened his doors for business , I had a problem with my teeth . Walking to his office I see his sign on the door : I XTRACT YOU GET A MIRACLE I kid you not I was scared . But I decided to go on in . Entering I see a pretty filly with a name tag of Melli . And she was a filly . Every time she spoke the room filled with blue bubbles . Sitting next to her , with a name tag of Cherie on her , was a puffy panda . A real panda mind you . Everytime that Cherie spoke these huge red lips , all puckered up and ready to kiss would float across the room . I looked over and everyone in the waiting room was ignoring all of this and it was as if nothing was happening . So after checking in , I sat convinced I was just imagining this . Soon thereafter , the door to the examination area opens and out comes Nessa , an orange butterfly . She calls my name and all these tarot cards start floating across the room . I decide to follow her and say it 's just my imagination . Walking down the hall we pass a room where the hygenist was . Her name tag said Quilly . She said hello and all the books in the office start opening and pages begin turning . Was there no end to this ? Nessa guides me to the room and orders me to sit in the chair and says , more tarot cards now , Dr . John , DDS will be right with you . She flutters away . About two minutes later the door opens and in comes an Octipai with 12 arms . The name tag says Dr . John , DDS . I feel like I 'm going to faint here . Dr . John , DDS , says nothing and one of his arms gets in my mouth and witPosted by Today 's SayingWherever you go , no matter what the weather , always bring your own sunshine . ~ Anthony J . D ' Angelo , . " The Pigeon Queen contest on Saturday was won by Amand East , Buddy East 's grand daughter . This was not much of a surprise because Amanda is very popular . She is a leader in Girl 's basketball , President of her class , and head of the Youth Group at Last Lutheran . She was introduced in Church yesterday as Queen Amanda . There were eight girls in the contest . Runner up Janel James had purchased a fancy dress just for the judging and was very disappointed not to be chosen . She was grumbling about always coming in second to " goody two shoes " . Poor Tommy UK is almost certain he knows who his birth mother is . He is almost certain he knows how she will react when he confronts her but he still hasn 't gotten up the courage to confront her . Tammy told him that he had fought demons and things from other dimensions so this shouldn 't scare him . But he told her this was different because if he was wrong he just wouldn 't know what to do next . It was the almost that scared him . But he promised Tammy he would do it this week , perhaps tomorrow or then again maybe Thursday . Mrs . Trumble is working on a little comedy skit for the Variety Show , She says that as Mayor she needs to make a significant contribution . Not that the town needs much encouragement . Almost everybody seems to be working on something . This will be the biggest if not the best variety show ever . There are three choirs and the show manager is thinking of restricting them to no more that two numbers each . The tickets for the Wednesday night performance are already sold out , if you can believe that . Today 's SayingNikka - age 6 : " If you want to learn to love better , you should start with a friend who you hate . " It is Sunday in Pigeon Falls and Pastor Joan is just finishing her sermon . Here is a part of it : I assume you all noticed that the text that ended the Gospel last week is the text we started with today . The people who put the lectionary together must have thought it was important to give it to us two Sundays in a row . Either that or they assume Church people are so slow to get something you have to give it two them two weeks in a row for them to even notice . I 'm betting it was important because we all know how carefully you all listen to the Gospel . It is an important text . Jesus wants us to know He is the bread of life . For us as Lutherans this impacts on our Communion understanding . We believe Jesus is really present in the bread and wine as do our Catholic , Orthodox , and Anglican neighbors . We believe that He who told us He was the bread of life comes to us in the bread and wine of the sacrament . Jesus gives us someplace where the promise meets the physical world and we know He has come to us . There are many , like those in the text today who just can 't accept this as a reality . They are sure we are deluded . That we don 't even need God in this scientific world let alone one that comes in bread and wine , I understand what they are saying . I understand their reasoning . They sound so convincing . Then I come to the Sacrament and Jesus comes to me and I am fed . My hunger is taken care of . I rejoice . Jesus is the true bread which comes down from heaven . Remember that as you meet Him in Communion today . Then rejoice . Today 's SayingAs long as we live , there is never enough singing . ~ Martin LutherThe first week of Pigeon Falls Days went very well except for a little glitch in the pigeon calling contest which Constable Ican handled very well . All over Pigeon Falls people are practicing their acts for the coming Variety Show . Jarmo Maki who lives way out in the woods says he is preparing a juggling routine that will knock their socks off . Art on the yellow brick road has been going very well with more artists than last year . Despite the bad economy they seem to be selling a lot of their works . Even that guy that makes things out of tin cans , old mufflers , and stuff like that is doing well and his stuff is horribly expensive . Of course , the rumor that some of the art work is haunted brought the ghost groupies out to the yellow brick road and they bought anything that even looked scary . The only sad note was the absence of the lady that sold prints and cups . The cups had fish with another picture inside the fish . She seems to have given up on Pigeon Falls and that 's sad . This is the last year of a real yellow brick road . Next year it will be covered with blacktop and painted yellow . They may paint a brick design on top of that . But that hasn 't been decided yet . Old Bull Frog Jupola would be really surprised to see what they are doing to his road . Wink 's is now paying Antti Pentila to put on a mask and rob the store every day . At a different time each day he rides in on his four wheeler wearing a mask and rushes into Wink 's . There he grabs the white house and has them put the cash in it . Only now the cash is stage money . Then runs out and rides off on his four wheeler . It is quite a show and the tourists love it . The " Almost a Theater Group " is planning something special for old timer 's week . But they aren 't telling anybody what it is . Tommy UK still hasn 't confronted the lady he thinks is his birth mother . But he is thinking Monday or Tuesday would be a good time to do it . Today 's SayingGetting your ducks in a row is not easy as just when you think your there one falls off , one flys away , and one is really a goose and bites you . ~ Dr . JohnThe Pigeon Falls Lion 's Club wishes to announce a story writing contest for anybody interested in writing short stories . The Story can be anywhere between one hundred and six hundred words . ' The title must be " I remember when . . . . . . . . " The story should be obviously false but with a ring of possible truth . ( Figure that out ) There are no real prizes but your story will become part of the ongoing Pigeon Falls story . More information is available HERE The Liar 's Club contest goes on yesterday three people told there stories . None of them scored above an eight . All of them are saying it 's the judges . They are just scoring low this year . But this morning Tarmo Teliva who is visiting relatives in Pigeon Falls scored a nine point one two five . Here is his story . : I remember when the Grampa Teliva 's house in Chicago disappeared . I was only eight years old and we lived down the street from Grandpa and Grandma in the Finnish section of old Chicago . I 'm sure you remember when Chicago had a Finnish section . We even had a Finn Church and Finn stores . Today I think that section is a slum but then it was a wonderful place to live . It was a beautiful day and I was sitting at the picnic table in the back yard having lemonade with Grandma when it started . Grandma grabbed my arm and shouted " etsiä ! Etsiä ! " . In those days I spoke Finnish as well as I spoke English and I knew she was saying " Look ! Look ! " . So I Looked where she was pointing . Now I know your not going to believe what I 'm going to tell you but I swear it 's the truth . The house was disappearing . It was as if somebody was taking an eraser and starting from the top of the chimney was erasing the house . We watched in terror as first the roof , then the second floor , then the downstairs all disappeared . It went on until all that was left was a hole in the ground . There was no rubble or paPosted by Today 's SayingA mom forgives us all our faults , not to mention one or two we don 't even have . ~ Robert BraultThe Pigeon Falls Lion 's Club wishes to announce a story writing contest for anybody interested in writing short stories . The Story can be anywhere between one hundred and six hundred words . ' The title must be " I remember when . . . . . . . . " The story should be obviously false but with a ring of possible truth . ( Figure that out ) There are no real prizes but your story will become part of the ongoing Pigeon Falls story . More information is available HERE Several more people tried telling " I remember when " stories for the Liars Club but so far only those two have hit 9 or above . In fact this year , for the first time , somebody ended up in the sixes . Some are saying the judges , who are just people picked at random off the street , are scoring low . It is , as the theory goes , because of the poor economy . People are feeling depressed and thus give depressing scores . But the big scorers from previous years like the Bergalls haven 't told their stories yet . They could turn it around . There is even a rumor that Buddy East , President of the Liar 's Club is going to try his hand . He is certainly old enough to remember when . Constable Assistant Fred McManis won the pasty eating contest . He ate thirty one pasties . That is not a record but it is a lot of meat and potatoes . Tommy UK is thinking over what he learned at Mrs . Trumble 's . When he threw his arms around her she started to cry and said " Tommy , Tommy you don 't know how long I 've waited to hear you say that " . Then she hugged him tight . Poor Tommy had not expected that but suddenly Mrs . Trumble broke into laughter . " Is that what you expect your birth mother to do Tommy " she said . " I used to be an actress and I 'm still not bad am I . Now let me give you some advice . If you think you know who your birth mother is then stop playing games . Go to her and tell her you think she is your birth mother . If she is and she is worth finding she will admit it . ItPosted by Today 's SayingPolitical speeches are like steer horns . A point here , a point there , and a lot of bull in between . ~ Alfred E . NeumanYesterday we had several people try the Liar 's club story contest all but one scored less than nine . They all claimed they got tough judges . The one that may have made it to the finals is Preita Pelto who is from Detroit and is visiting her relatives in Pigeon Falls . She visits every summer during Pigeon Days but this is her first try at the contest . Here is her story : " I remember when old Mrs . Olson , she 's passed on now , was attacked by the monstrous Sandcrane . It was a day like today , warm with a nice breeze blowing . She decided not to put her laundry in the new fangled dryer her daughter gave her but to hang it out on the line , like the Lord intended . You all remember Mrs . Olson and how she hated both the electric stove and the dryer believing that the wood stove and the sun were better . . Remember how she felt the electric stove burned everything and the dryer made her clothes feel funny . So she was out hanging her best sheets when the monstrous sandcrane appeared . It was at least ten feet tall and made the most horrible womping sound you ever heard . I suppose the poor thing got lost and flew in from Wisconsin though they are supposed to have their own internal GPS . In any case , this one was there in Mrs . Olson 's back yard and it attacked her sheets . It was a sight to see . The big sandcrane with those huge wings flapping pecking away at the newly washed sheets . But those were Mrs . Olson 's best sheets and though I told her to leave it alone and call the DNR she too her broom and went out after it . Well that crane knocked the broom out of her hand and proceeded to turn the handle into wood chips . That bird had one powerful beak . Then it turned on Mrs . Olson . That 's when Equo , Mrs . Olson 's dog came to her rescue . It got that old crane by the leg and wouldn 't let go until Mrs . Olson was safely in the house . You should have seen that sight . The crane tried everything it coPosted by Today 's SayingA characteristic of the normal child is he doesn 't act that way very often . ~ Author UnknownConstable Ican filled Mrs . Trumble in on what he had done and she agreed with him that the course he took was the best one for everybody . " You know , of course , that we really would have had a hard time prosecuting Percy . I 'm not even sure if he broke any laws . " Mrs . Trumble said to Ican . " All that really counts is he believed he could be prosecuted . " Ican replied . " Just remember cheaters always feel guilty when their caught . " After Ican left Tommy UK arrived at the Town Hall . He told Mrs . Trumble that the hypnotism had revealed who his birth mother was . Mrs . Trumble said " That 's wonderful ! Who is she ? " Tommy UK smiled and replied " I 'm not telling anybody her name until I am sure it isn 't some thing that is the result of the hypnotism and that she really is my birth mother " . " That seems reasonable but how do you intend to become sure ? " she asked him . Tommy proceeded to explain his possible plans . " Plan number one was is to run up to her throw my arms around her and say " mommy . I 'm so happy I found you " . Then see how she responds . . If she looks at me like I 'm totally insane then I 'll know it 's a gigantic mistake . " Mrs . Trumble thought for a moment and said " But suppose she is a good actress and looks at you like you were insane . Then you still won 't know . " " Well I guess then I should consider plan 2 " Tommy groaned " I will hum this little melody while I 'm visiting with her and see if she seems to recognize it If she does I will know I 'm on the right track . . In any case I came to you because I need to practice . Will you help me . ? Mrs . Trumble agreed to help . Tommy asked her to play the part of his mother . Then he threw his arms around her and said " Mommy mommy I 've found you " . Today 's SayingDon 't let the alarm clock of life wake you from the dream of your ideals . ~ Irisa HailOn Saturday Constable Ican and his assistant went out to Antti Pentila 's place with a search warrant . Ican was surprised to find the birdhouse shaped like the White House on display in the living room . He was even more surprised when Antti proudly confessed to the robbery . According to Antti he made that birdhouse and a good number of things on sale at Wink 's Woods . Apparently they hadn 't gotten around to paying him so he went in and collected . Constable Ican felt sorry for him but arrested him and lodged him in the local jailHe got back just in time to catch the present owner of Wink 's , Percy Perrwinkle , cheating in the pigeon calling contest . He saw that he was wearing a long sleeve shirt and the temperature was 85 degrees . That made no sense . In addition one arm seemed wet . So he asked for the shirt and put it out on the sidewalk . Soon it was covered with pigeons pecking away at it . It seems that Percy had soaked it in peanut oil to attract pigeons . Ican hauled him off to jail as well . In the privacy of the new jail Ican explained that the attempt to defraud the town of more than a hundred dollars was a very serious thing and could mean three or four years in prison . Percy demanded a lawyer or he wasn 't saying anything . " Let 's keep the lawyers out of this " Ican said an offered him a deal . If Wink 's didn 't press charges for the supposed robbery then the town would forget the attempt to fleece the city . The town would be told the Robbery was just staged for the tourists . Perry agreed and Ican after getting the agreement on the robbery in writing released both men . Constable Ican was beginning to like small town police work . Sometimes it solved a number of problems and without that darned paper work . Tommy UK is still trying to think of the best way to confront the woman who he thinks is his birth mother . Today he is going to get Mrs . Trumble 's advice on the matter . Coming tomorrow - Tommy UK throws hiPosted by Today 's SayingYou 've gotta have hope . Without hope life is meaningless . Without hope life is meaning less and less . ~ Author UnknownIt is Sunday and Pastor Joan is looking over her sermon for the day . Here is part of that sermon : Have you ever been hungry . I mean really hungry , Not the kind of hunger some of you have while you suffer through the sermon so you can get home to those steaks or roast or whatever your having for lunch . I mean real hunger . The kind that puts food at the center of everything . Or have you ever been thirsty ? I don 't mean you feel like you could use a cup of coffee kind of thirst . I mean the kind of thirst that has you afraid you 'll die if you don 't get water . Real hunger and real thirst were common in Jesus ' Day . So we can understand why people who see Jesus as the great bread maker chase after Him . They just don 't want to be hungry any more . But Jesus sees a different kind of hunger and thirst . A hunger and thirst that every person has . So he offers them food and drink for that hunger and thirst . But their mind is set and they can 't understand him . Times have changed but people haven 't . The same deep spiritual hunger and thirst is still there . People try to ignore it . They try to fill it with other things . But the hunger and thirst remain . Only when they accept what Jesus offers which is nothing less than Himself does the hunger and thirst cease . To you this morning Jesus says " I am the bread of life " He is the Bread we all need . Today 's SayingWe are all a little weird and life 's a little weird , and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours , we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love . ~ Author UnknownToday is the first day of a month of Pigeon Falls celebrations of the beginnings of the town . It started at exactly 9 : 00 when Vicki East sang the Pigeon Falls Song . If you have never heard or seen it here it is : When the Pigeons return to Pigeon falls - coo coo cooAnd we hear them cooing in the wood - coo coo cooThen the trains will run on time - coo coo cooThings will be the way they should - coo coo cooWhen the Pigeons return to Pigeon Falls - coo coo cooAnd we hear them cooing in the wood - coo coo cooPeople will be singing in the streets - coo coo cooAnd all the crops will grow so good - coo coo cooWhen the pigeons return to Pigeon Falls - coo coo cooThen love again will fill the land - coo coo cooWith pigeons cooing in the wood - coo coo cooWe will all walk hand in hand . - coo coo cooThis was followed by the Official Proclamation from the Town Council read by Mayor Trumble . It read as follows . … . . In as much as Pigeon Falls exists because of the good deeds of pigeons ; … . . And in as much as it is good to remember how we came to be ; … . . And in as much as the good deed happened in the month of August ; Therefore let us ; … . . . 1 . Set aside the month of August to be celebrated as Pigeon Days . … . . . 2 . Set August 29 as the day for the annual Pigeon Days parade . … . . . 3 . Be extra considerate of pigeons for the entire month . … . . . 4 . Pick a Pigeon Queen - … . . . 5 . Learn the Pigeon story and be sure to tell it to all the tourists . … . . . 6 . Invite relatives and friends to visit Pigeon Falls during this period . Then Mayor Trumble read the Pigeon Falls Story . . The Pigeon StoryIn the beginning Pigeon Falls was called Potato Grove , since it was the potato crop that sustained the village . It provided both food to eat and food to sell . Farmers from Finland and Sweden had settled here and after moving tons of rocks began growing potatoes . Posted by |
My heart was racing . I could feel my pulse hitting steadily against my insides , making my whole body flex and throb in perfectly tuned function . Sweat came down my face and along my spine , that too seeming exactly as it should be . Everything was perfect , everything in harmony . There was no past , no future ; just the present taking place in absolute measured perfection . This was usually the moment when the elation came . The rising flush inside of me that felt like fire along my muscles , burning away all that had no place in the hot , sweaty , straining perfection of raw physical motion . This was the moment when every nerve in my body came alive and every sensation was doubled , tripled , and then exploded outwards in a prolonged burst of surreal and pure astonishment . Once I got to this place I could hold it ; stretch it out and sustain it for as long as I wanted . Like a supernova on pause . " Fuck ! " I yelled , yanking the earbuds from my ears and sliding to a sudden stop in the gravel of the path . A family with their dog between some trees to the side turned and looked at me . " Are you okay ? " the man asked , handing the leash to his daughter and taking a step closer . " What ? " I asked , looking at him in confusion . I saw him glance down involuntarily at my left leg then back to my eyes . People were always doing it . I had great tits , why didn 't more of them look at those ? He 'd been hot , too . Sure he had a wife , but I could look right ? And so could he … but like most of the rest he only looked at my leg . Everyone acted so fucking delicate about it because they thought I was delicate about it . It was a finely manufactured instrument , cold hard steel and exacting attributes . There was nothing delicate about it . It was perfect . This wasn 't even the good one ; when I put on the one with the foot that looked like a long curved steel tongue I could run like Hermes . Sometimes , when I was running , I wished that both of my legs were that perfect . I had been striving for years to make the rest of my body as perfect as my left leg . The leaner and more toned I got the better I felt about the rest of me . The more I felt like I was catching up with my one piece of perfection . I had grown up naturally luscious ; large breasts , round ass , nice curvy hips . Someone once joked " child bearing hips " with me in high school and I hit them . Not because I was ashamed , but because it wasn 't true . It made me sound dumpy just because I wasn 't skinny like most of the other girls in my class . Those same guys had all loved it a couple years earlier in junior high though when I filled out before those other sticklike broads . They couldn 't wait to get their hands on me then ; maybe they had just been pissed off that they didn 't get any from me . They weren 't child bearing hips ; they were just the hips of a woman instead of a girl . I hadn 't wanted any of them anyways , I only wanted him ; stupid Mark Fox and his notebook and headphones . Whenever I 'd see him sitting alone in the general purpose room I had wanted to go and talk to him . When he was around his friends he was all bravado and forced charm , but when he was sitting there by himself he looked inward at something that no one else could see . I saw it too , though . His head nodding slowly to whatever he was listening to , pen in hand manically throwing his thoughts at the paper in a scrawl illegible to anyone but him . I wanted so bad to sit beside him and ask what he was writing , but it was a whole year before I had built up the guts to talk to him . At an outdoor party in the woods outside of town he was talking to his friends telling them a story about something that had happened last time he had visited his mother in the city . He was very animated and loud and though everyone seemed to like him he pushed them back when he was like this . Maybe because they were jealous he had something outside the small borders of their lives , or maybe just because they didn 't care . He tried too hard to get people to like him when they already did . “… and he threw himself right off stage into the crowd after dropping his guitar ! " he was telling them . He had a 40 ounce beer in one hand and was gesticulating wildly with the other while talking . As I came up behind them he was making a wide gesture I didn 't anticipate and he hit me across the shoulder . Thinking back , I had done that on purpose . I was desperate for him to notice me and at the time I didn 't think that would happen by itself . It was one of those awkward teenager things I guess . We started talking and became really close after that night . My feelings for him didn 't change , but he seemed to think of me as a friend more than anything . Still , we had talked on the phone almost every night until one of our parents would yell at us to get off . We were inseparable during the day at school . All of my girlfriends joked and chided that I should " just fuck him and get it over with " , and I know his friends probably thought we already had . I didn 't want my first time to be with someone I barely knew though , and I could tell there was this whole other Mark Fox under his façade that no one had even met yet . Besides , whenever we did touch it felt weird . He treated me like his kid sister . I knew that I was just going to have to be more forward , but that wasn 't my style at all . After a party one night he and his friends had dropped me off at my house and he got out of the backseat to let me out . I decided to take a chance and make my move . He came with me to the front door and as he said goodbye and was turning way I took one of his hands to stop him and leaned up to kiss his cheek . He looked at me in surprise and I fought through my fear and kissed him again on the lips . He kissed back and for a second I knew that life was going to be perfect from then on ; kid stuff , right ? When we parted he had looked embarrassed and I felt stupid . It was awkward . He apologized ; can you believe that ? Apologized . It never happened again , I didn 't have the guts . I couldn 't stand to be around him anymore , I felt like such a stupid girl . I started hanging out with a different crowd , the guys that drove loud trucks and drank more than they needed to and the desperate clinging girls that went along with them . I was nothing like these people , they had always seemed so dead - end to me . But there I was ; keeping company with those that amounted to what I then felt like too . My actual first time was with a guy named Wade . I didn 't even like Wade very much , but I was drunk and he was there . In the back of his bronco I 'd clumsily tried to give him head before letting him fuck me against the cooler full of beer behind the back seat . I didn 't even feel much , to be honest . Yeah it hurt , yeah it happened , but yeah … it wasn 't special at all . I 'd never gone down on a guy before and I didn 't really know what I was doing . Maybe passion could have made up for lack of experience , but I didn 't feel any of that either . After only a few strokes of my mouth on his cock he 'd pulled me back , using my ears like handles , and kissed me while groping at my breasts through my sweatshirt . He moved his hand down roughly between my legs and rubbed at me noncommittally . He wasn 't trying to pleasure me ; it was more like a signal as to what he wanted . I 'd lain down backwards with him on top of me and he dry humped meWhen I woke up in the hospital his was the face I saw looking at me . He came every single day . When my physical therapy started he came to every session with me for support . I 'm not gonna lie , I felt bad that he was spending time with me and not his other friends ; but eventually I came to realize he wanted to be there . I wasn 't a burden to him , I was his best friend . I stopped feeling like some broken and useless thing and began progressing in my recovery at a speed that surprised the therapists . If all I could be was Mark 's best friend , his ' sister from another mister ' as he called it , I 'd be damned if I was going to be a burden on him . That deep nasty place somewhere inside of him that he wouldn 't talk about gave him enough to worry about . He might not have loved me the way I wanted him to , but at least he loved me . The therapy and exercise became an addiction . I started with weights but as my already curved body started growing larger from the work outs I had stopped lifting . In a fit of rage one day at the itch on the bottom of a foot I no longer had , I had I started running to make my mind think it was being scratched . That day I found a place I didn 't know existed ; pure motion , my body a machine . I could feel every part of me ; I could feel what was working and what wasn 't . The only bit of me that didn 't give off signals to my brain of some way it could be better was the cold steel of my leg . I felt every nerve and muscle fiber . I 'd been running ever since ; and no , that 's not a metaphor . I 'm not fleeing ; I 'm trying to catch up . I don 't have anything to run from . I 'm okay with everything that 's ever happened in my life . Until now , that is . Going around a corner on the path I started to speed up my pace again , trying to get back the rhythm I 'd lost a moment ago . It wasn 't the same though ; I 'd gone too far off the rails with thought to get back to the perfection of just doing . Ever since Cyan , Mark had been someone else ; more than distant , gone . I 'd really liked Cyan . She was smart , funny , artistic . The clothes she modified for herself were fantastic , her ideas for logos I 'd helped her with were remarkable , and there was no question she was going to succeed at being a designer . I went out with them a few times to shows and parties , but I couldn 't keep up with them in their environment any more than they could have kept up with me in mine . I was happy to see him in a relationship that was good for him . She tried to keep him grounded , but as the months went by she came to me with problems they were having more and more often . She needed my advice as his best and longest friend but at first I was reluctant to get involved . I was his friend and it was hard not to side with him by instinct . She was right most of the time though ; he was turning into kind of an asshole . I tried to talk about it with him one night and he had completely lost his mind . I was given no choice but to stay out of his business , so I respected that . Put in the middle by Cyan more and more after that , I withdrew . Mark and I spent less and less time together even though we had lived in the same places for years since moving away from our hometown . When she died it was a shock . People didn 't just up and die in the circles of friends I had developed away from Mark . He wouldn 't tell me what happened . Until a week ago I didn 't even guess drugs because she didn 't seem the type , other than her nonstop pot smoking . Pot Shot . I smirked as I ran , thinking about how silly it had seemed when she 'd told me that 's what she had decided to call her clothing label . When I came home from work last week and went looking for the cat , only to find some skinny l " Hi , " was all she said , " you 're Lisa . " It wasn 't a question , just a statement of fact . She knew who I was but I 'd never heard of her . I thought to myself that this must be the girl Mark had been out with the night before , but I wouldn 't have guessed it if it weren 't so obvious . She didn 't seem to be his type ; then again , I didn 't know what ' his type ' was anymore . I had stepped out of her way as she got up suddenly and ran to the bathroom on her thin and unsteady little legs . I heard her dry heaving and had leaned into the bathroom to make sure she was okay , and held her hair while she vomited into the toilet . I let her take a shower , getting her some of Mark 's clothes to wear , and wondered the whole time what the hell was going on in my house . While I was in the bathroom putting a fresh towel on the counter for her I could see her thin form behind the shower curtain , lathering her perfect little body up with my soap . She was shorter than me , not quite 5 feet , and lean and hard . She was built like the girls I 'd been jealous of in high school , but her elvish face and form made determining her age almost impossible . I had felt a warmth inside of me , starting in my pelvis and spreading down my thighs and up my belly and I realized I was staring . I realized she was turning me on . She didn 't even know I was watching her through the foggy curtain and yet she moved with the grace of someone putting on a show . I had given my head a shake and left the bathroom , confused . I 'd never been into girls before ; I probably wasn 't into girls now . There was an unchained sensuality to her though , raw sex oozed from her . It was unnerving . Nothing scared me anymore , but I felt intimidated by her . As we waited for Mark she told me about them meeting , and going out to his show the night before . All I was able to get from her was that she had been given some bad drugs by someone without wanting them and she had gotten really sick . I remember being so angry at Mark at that moment ; for all I knew she was nowhere near as innocent as it seemed , but I wanted to slap him for wrecking her . She was so sweet and cute and nice and he 'd gotten her all trashed up and hurt her . When I saw his bandaged hand when he got home , my anger only dissipated briefly . When he told us what happened I figured it out on my own ; he beat that kid out of his skin because of Cyan . What an asshole ; this girl almost dies and he 's off using his feelings for her to make up for something that happened five years ago . During the next week he was around more , which was nice , but she was always there too . I watched them together , seeing the happiness in him . It was like watching two kids in school who had just discovered love . They were developing into what I had wanted from him all those years ago . What I had wanted from him all along since . I was jealous , but I couldn 't stop thinking about her either . Impish , precocious little Aliona . The way she winked and grinned at him no different than the way she winked and grinned at me , stealing my breath every time . I would steal glances at them all the time , watching him touch her or her kiss his neck . She was doing everything I wanted to do with him right in front of me . It wasn 't her fault , she didn 't know . I tried to imagine him touching me like that , but whenever I did I couldn 't remove her from the image in my mind . I didn 't know what was happening to me ; I have more control than this . As an artist I could control the pictures in my mental landscape with as much precision as I could control every muscle of my perfectly machined body ; but not when it came to her . She was always there , right there beside me in my fantasies . The night she stayed over after watching a movie with us , lying on top of Mark on the couch like she owned him , I lay awake in bed listening for any sound that might come from his room ; I found myself heating up thinking about what they might be doing just on the other side of the wall . My hand had found its way between my thighs without me noticing and I ran my fingers through my neatly trimmed pubic hair and thought about him touching her , about him touching me ; about her and I touching each other . I massaged one of my firm breasts while opening my pussy lips and rubbing at my clitoris . I sucked my finger into my mouth and put it back , moving it in and out of my little hole . I was firm and toned and hadn 't been with very many men . My pussy was still nice and taut , even at 32 . As I moved my finger in and out I pictured Mark behind me pushing his big cock into me . As I held and squeezed my breast I pictured Aliona lying in front of me licking and sucking on it with that pert little mouth of hers . I imagined my pussy was hers and I was fingering that tight opening , teasing into her a bit at a time . I had lain there pleasuring myself like this for minutes , the mental imagery getting more and more lurid as they had their way with me in my mind . As I made myself cum I bit hard on my pillow and squeezed my hand between my hard and perfectly sculpted thighs . Sweating and panting in my own aftermatThey were all I could think about , and she had become all I could draw . I had never had a very realistic style as an artist , and preferred to paint , but since meeting her I couldn 't stop sketching with pencils . I was amazed at how well I could translate the details I imagined in my head onto the paper . I had never been able to draw like this before . I left more and more work at the store to my staff and would just sit in the office drawing pictures of Aliona . She and Mark stopped by my store one day to bring me lunch and after they left an employee , Chris , had asked me how I managed to get something like that to model for me . He had seen my sketches on the desk while I was out front talking to them . I gave him a half - assed brush off of an answer and didn 't tell him that I was drawing it from my fantasies . I was glad Mark was happy , but this LA thing worried me . At least here I had work to try and escape into but I didn 't know how I could possibly handle a month without that distraction . Neither of them was shy at all about their affections , even when others were around , and the idea of being around them in close proximity for a month worried me . While he was working at the studio I 'd be all alone with her . How long would it be before I said or did something stupid that I couldn 't take back ? I rounded the end of the block , still dissatisfied with my interrupted release from my run , and up to our front door . As I came inside I heard Aliona 's startled " oh ! " over the music coming from Mark 's room . I closed the door softly and found myself slipping quietly down the hallway . His door was open just a crack and I could see a portion of their bodies , his naked and on top of her and she on her back with her legs around his waist . I could see her little hips flexing luridly as his went up and down , slow and deep . Her soft moans were barely audible and she dug her heels into the sides of his ass hard . I moved my hand to my pussy above my running shorts , feeling its warmth and dampness as I pressed into my fleshy lips with my fingertips . I licked my lips and moved a bit so I could see better . He was braced above her on his hands and his back muscles rippled with each stroke into her . Her head was back into his pillows and as she lifted herself up onto her elbows to arch her back and push her chest out I saw her face through the space between his arm and his chest . She looked up at him lustily , her lower lip in her teeth and a simmering burn in her green eyes . Her eyes flicked to the door suddenly and met mine where I peered through the gap . As I quickly stepped to the side and into my room I saw her wink at me and then look up at Mark , her heels digging in harder and pulling him deeper into her . She let out a cry and started sighing loudly over the throbbing music in a breathy , high tone . I closed my door quietlyI knew I should feel embarrassed but I didn 't . All I could feel was that same heat deep inside . Leaning against the wall I could feel the bass vibrating against my ass and I put one hand into the front of my shorts as the other pulled them down just below my hips and off my round , hard ass . I ran my finger up and down my opening pussy 's mouth and slid one finger into its warm waiting wetness while using the index finger of my other hand to tease at my hard protruding clit . I closed my eyes and her loud high sighs punctuated the image in my mind of her on her knees in front of me licking at me while Mark stood behind me clutching my ass and putting his finger into me . I started to moan softly too , knowing the music would hide it from them in the next room . I could feel Mark rubbing his cock against me before starting to put it into the hot embrace of my eager pussy and I pushed another finger in , two of them probing inside of me as I leaned my shoulders back to the wall and arched my back and bent at the knees slightly . I saw Aliona in front of me , her tiny ass poking out behind her on her knees with one hand on each of my hips , looking up at me as she licked my clit with the tip of her small pink tongue . I could hear her high sighs turning into sharp cries and in my mind 's eye I saw Mark thrusting harder into me from behind . My own juices were running down my hand and dripping off the back of my wrist to the floor and I pushed a third finger in with the others and moved them in and out , from where they joined my hand all the way out to my fingertips and back , harder and harder as I rubbed at my clit with my other hand and came hard with my back against the bedroom wall . I could hear Aliona crying out in her own climax in the next room . I came back down to reality suddenly . The embarrassment I probably should have felt before when I saw them through the door washed over me and I pulled my tight black shorts back up over my hips . I grabbed a towel from my closet and opened my door to go into the bathroom and shower . I went back into the bedroom to grab something loose to put on after the shower and I heard the bathroom door close . I knew I 'd blush if I saw either of them so I waited in my room until I heard whoever it was finish . The bathroom door opened and then I heard Mark 's door close . I stepped into the hallway to find myself face to face with Aliona . I had heard her close the bathroom door behind her coming into the hallway , not Mark 's door at all . She was still wearing his t - shirt but as she slipped past me towards his room I could see that she wasn 't wearing panties and the bottom curves of her perfect , tight , tiny little ass were exposed . She looked at me as she turned sideways to pass me and winked up at me . I know I blushed , I felt the warmth in my cheeks . I stood there and watched her , looking at her firm ass cheeks shifting up and down just below the hem of the oversized shirt , and she turned as she reached his door . She caught me moving my gaze up to her eyes and winked again , mouthing the words " I saw you " silently and then swished into his room and closed the door . My heart jumped and I shut the bathroom door behind me . As I showered the run and the orgasm off of my body I tried to plan out the conversation that would no doubt ensue when I left the bathroom . She would tell him I had been spying on them ; I know I would . What kind of perverted creep does what I just did ? I was mortified at my own behavior . Something was about to come crashing down on me , it was waiting just outside the door . I took longer than usual , standing under the water trying to let it wash how dirty I felt off of me . It didn 't help . I knew I would just have to get this over with . I toweled my naked body off and reattached my metal leg to the bit of my real one that was left below my knee . I looked at myself through the fog of the full length mirror . I was beautiful and I knew it ; my body the result of years of work trying to be as honed as the part of me that had been built by engineers to be nothing less than perfect . It 's just too bad no one else saw anything but the prosthetic when they looked at me . I felt sure that I was going to be grasping at dirty pleasures through the wall for the rest of my life and sadness came over me . " Pull your head out of your ass Lisa , " I whispered to my image in the mirror , and pulled on my red tracks pants and white t - shirt . I went out into the hall , waiting for Mark to yell " Lisa ! What 's wrong with you ! ? " It didn 't come . I could hear them talking in the living room and I nervously limped down the hallway to face the music . They were sitting on the couch , Aliona with her leg over his and Mark playing with her hair . Her thin legs were apart and I could see she had put her panties back on , a slight wet spot marking where he had been penetrating her tiny little girl pussy not long before . I felt the warmth in my pelvis again and blushed , pulling my gaze away to see her looking at me with that damning grin of hers . " Hey , Lis ! " Mark said , a bit of a blush on his face as well , " uh … you been here long ? " " I 'm going to have a shower now , " he said , and I heard him get up and go down the hallway . I crossed through the other side of the kitchen into the living room so he wouldn 't see my face and know something was off , dodging him but finding myself alone with Aliona in the living room as he closed the door . I heard the water start . " Is it ? Okay , if you say so , " she got up and swished from the room , flicking her wink back at me as she went down the hallway . I heard the bathroom door open , then a laugh and muffled voices . She came back a few minutes later wearing his big camo shorts again . " I have to go put my own clothes on and do something with my aunt and sister , " she said , coming over to where I sat , putting her hand on my shoulder . She smelled like cotton candy and sex . " I won 't tell him … you should . " I shuddered . I had been in control of every detail , starting with my body and spreading out to everything in my life , for so many years that what was happening round me felt like chaos . Under my breath I growled , " Rrrrrrrrrrfuck . " When Mark came out of his bedroom after his shower he had on the same clothes as when I 'd left in a rush earlier . His black hair was tousled and wet , hanging over his ears and onto his forehead . It always looked like that when he wasn 't wearing a hat . I don 't even think he owned a comb . His grey eyes looked at me and his face scrunched up in that cute way he had when he thought something was going on that no one had told him about . " What 's with your face , Lis ? " he asked me , " You look like someone slapped you . " " Cool , " he said , shrugging . He was so obtuse sometimes ; most of the time actually . He sat on the couch . " Want to talk about this LA thing ? " " Sure . Let 's leave Monday , " he went on , leaning forward and using his ' shit just got real ' tone , " Pat 'll tell them I 'm taking over management but he said he wouldn 't tell them when I was coming so I could pop in and catch them in their normal routine . See what 's up . Check the pulse . " All about him ; that was never going to change . I 'd accepted it long ago . To love Mark you had to accept that you were a spectator at the Mark Fox show . If I didn 't love him so much I 'd have been tired of being his audience long ago . He was perfect the way he was and I felt terrible for how mean I 'd been to him last week when the shit was hitting the fan all around me . " Can you tell me what the hell ? " he asked with a weird smile , pointing at our kitchen table . My sketch book was lying there , open to a drawing of Aliona naked on her hands and knees . I 'd drawn it on my lunch break two days ago . " Oh man , " I said , putting my hand over my face to cover my rising color , " I … uh … well … I … " " Does she think I 'm some weird creep now ? " I asked , worried , knowing that couldn 't be true with the way she had spoken to me as she left but fearing it might be anyways . What was wrong with me ? Why was I acting like a stupid little girl with a crush ? I sat down opposite him in the chair and put my feet on the other side of the table . " Mark , I 'm so sorry . This must be weird . I don 't know what to say . " " I didn 't know you were into girls , " he said casually but with a glint his eye . Typical man ; I could just imagine what he was thinking , but found myself thinking it as well . " How long have you been playing for the other team ? " The huge beat booming into the booth was making my head hurt as Mark sat at the big control panel thing and watched the guy in the small booth on the other side of the larger room beyond the glass rapping into the microphone hanging from the ceiling above him . Aliona was sitting in Mark 's lap with a huge smile and there was a ring of mean looking black guys standing in a semi circle behind them bobbing their heads or shifting their shoulders back and forth , frowning like they were mad but clearly enjoying what they were hearing . He pulled one of the sliding volume things down and the beat cut off . " I 'm gonna punch you back in on six ; spit the double and then wait for the double up on 12 , " Mark said into the thin microphone arching over the board of controls . I saw the guy in the little booth adjust his headphones where they rested on his neck and cupped his ears and then nod , turning his hat backwards . He leaned to the hanging microphone and the beat started again and I could hear the lyrics he had just said coming out of the speakers with it though he wasn 't saying anything now . I didn 't know what was going on ; I didn 't even like rap music . We had arrived at the studio in LA Monday afternoon and Mark had found this session taking place . The black guys had seemed to know who Mark was . Being who he was , he couldn 't resist the urge to take over the controls and give some ideas and pointers . Whatever he was doing was apparently working and I could see how much they obviously respected him . His tour of the studio had started and ended in this room . The rapper said a few lines over again , doubling up what were supposed to be important lines . When it came to the end of the verse , the black guys started shouting and yelling things like " Just SMASHED , boy ! " or " Damn man ! That shit was TIGHT ! " One of them patted Mark on the shoulder and said " You 're a fuckin ' GENIUS , Fox . " Aliona looked happy for him . So was I , I guess ; but I was bored . Mark lifted Aliona off his lap and she skipped over to sit beside me on the couch in her tiny frilly green skirt , tight green tank top , and tiny green flip flops . Did she even own closed toe shoes ? I missed wearing flips flops so much at that moment that I felt the itch in the bottom of my nonexistent left foot for the first time in so many years I 'd lost count . " That guy 's famous , " she said , pointing towards where Mark sat . She was right . I always knew he was good at what he did , but I didn 't know he had climbed so high as a producer . He was plugging in a thumb drive from the pocket of his jeans to the control board stuff and a different beat started . I recognized the sound as being something he made , all distorted bass and kick drums that made your chest punch in and out . " Whoa , whoa , whoa , son … what the FUCK riddim is this ! ? " a harsh voice said out of the speakers . " You want to flow on it ? " Mark asked into the mic in front of him . " Hell yeah son , cue it up on the 1 ! " the voice replied . I was tired of sitting ; I wished I 'd worn shorts but my ass looks really good in jeans . I can 't wear ones that are tight in the leg , obviously , but most jeans that flare at the leg are also low at the waist and stretch across my sculpted cheeks perfectly . It as hot in here though , and we were going to be here forever . " You 're bored , " Aliona said , leaning into me and putting the side of her head on my shoulder . " Yeah , is it that obvious ? " I asked , taking a deep indulgent breath of her smell . She was minty and warm next to me . She went over to Mark and leaned into him where he sat , whispering in his ear . He turned to look at her and nodded , looked back at me and smiled , then waved while mouthing the word " later " . I smiled back and got up , Aliona joining my side , and we left the room . We went to the front desk and the receptionist called a cab for us . There were people all over the place ; it was easily three times the size of the studio back home and being in LA it seemed to handle much bigger name clients . I saw the guitar player and singer of a band I knew and felt momentarily start struck . Mark had been distant for years until recently , not really taking much interest in my life ; but I suppose I was guilty of the same thing . I had no idea he could move in these circles with ease because he had never told me . Then again , I had never asked . " Maybe later when Mark 's free , " she said wistfully , looking out the window . Neither of them had likely said the words to each other but I could tell she loved him at least as much as I did . I couldn 't blame her . I wasn 't jealous anymore , but I felt nervous in the back of the car with her . It was the first time I 'd been alone with her since she told me she caught me watching Mark fuck her . " Let 's just go back to the hotel , " Aliona said , looking at me with her big green eyes . She touched my metal prosthetic gently with the toes poking out of her right flip flop . " Does this rust up if you go swimming ? " " Not if I take it off , " I said , still shy . Why was I being shy , damn it ? I was 32 years old , a business owner myself , and I thought I was way past this sort of behavior . I couldn 't believe I had a crush on this little pixie of a girl . The way she looked at me was lascivious . As another female I could see what she was doing . She knew she was doing it too , and I could see in her eyes that she knew I knew . She just winked that damned wink again , and I felt the warmth in my pelvis grow . Where the hell had Aliona come from ? No wonder Mark had crashed so hard for this girl . Read 52530 times | |
My heart was racing . I could feel my pulse hitting steadily against my insides , making my whole body flex and throb in perfectly tuned function . Sweat came down my face and along my spine , that too seeming exactly as it should be . Everything was perfect , everything in harmony . There was no past , no future ; just the present taking place in absolute measured perfection . This was usually the moment when the elation came . The rising flush inside of me that felt like fire along my muscles , burning away all that had no place in the hot , sweaty , straining perfection of raw physical motion . This was the moment when every nerve in my body came alive and every sensation was doubled , tripled , and then exploded outwards in a prolonged burst of surreal and pure astonishment . Once I got to this place I could hold it ; stretch it out and sustain it for as long as I wanted . Like a supernova on pause . " Fuck ! " I yelled , yanking the earbuds from my ears and sliding to a sudden stop in the gravel of the path . A family with their dog between some trees to the side turned and looked at me . " Are you okay ? " the man asked , handing the leash to his daughter and taking a step closer . " What ? " I asked , looking at him in confusion . I saw him glance down involuntarily at my left leg then back to my eyes . People were always doing it . I had great tits , why didn 't more of them look at those ? He 'd been hot , too . Sure he had a wife , but I could look right ? And so could he … but like most of the rest he only looked at my leg . Everyone acted so fucking delicate about it because they thought I was delicate about it . It was a finely manufactured instrument , cold hard steel and exacting attributes . There was nothing delicate about it . It was perfect . This wasn 't even the good one ; when I put on the one with the foot that looked like a long curved steel tongue I could run like Hermes . Sometimes , when I was running , I wished that both of my legs were that perfect . I had been striving for years to make the rest of my body as perfect as my left leg . The leaner and more toned I got the better I felt about the rest of me . The more I felt like I was catching up with my one piece of perfection . I had grown up naturally luscious ; large breasts , round ass , nice curvy hips . Someone once joked " child bearing hips " with me in high school and I hit them . Not because I was ashamed , but because it wasn 't true . It made me sound dumpy just because I wasn 't skinny like most of the other girls in my class . Those same guys had all loved it a couple years earlier in junior high though when I filled out before those other sticklike broads . They couldn 't wait to get their hands on me then ; maybe they had just been pissed off that they didn 't get any from me . They weren 't child bearing hips ; they were just the hips of a woman instead of a girl . I hadn 't wanted any of them anyways , I only wanted him ; stupid Mark Fox and his notebook and headphones . Whenever I 'd see him sitting alone in the general purpose room I had wanted to go and talk to him . When he was around his friends he was all bravado and forced charm , but when he was sitting there by himself he looked inward at something that no one else could see . I saw it too , though . His head nodding slowly to whatever he was listening to , pen in hand manically throwing his thoughts at the paper in a scrawl illegible to anyone but him . I wanted so bad to sit beside him and ask what he was writing , but it was a whole year before I had built up the guts to talk to him . At an outdoor party in the woods outside of town he was talking to his friends telling them a story about something that had happened last time he had visited his mother in the city . He was very animated and loud and though everyone seemed to like him he pushed them back when he was like this . Maybe because they were jealous he had something outside the small borders of their lives , or maybe just because they didn 't care . He tried too hard to get people to like him when they already did . “… and he threw himself right off stage into the crowd after dropping his guitar ! " he was telling them . He had a 40 ounce beer in one hand and was gesticulating wildly with the other while talking . As I came up behind them he was making a wide gesture I didn 't anticipate and he hit me across the shoulder . Thinking back , I had done that on purpose . I was desperate for him to notice me and at the time I didn 't think that would happen by itself . It was one of those awkward teenager things I guess . We started talking and became really close after that night . My feelings for him didn 't change , but he seemed to think of me as a friend more than anything . Still , we had talked on the phone almost every night until one of our parents would yell at us to get off . We were inseparable during the day at school . All of my girlfriends joked and chided that I should " just fuck him and get it over with " , and I know his friends probably thought we already had . I didn 't want my first time to be with someone I barely knew though , and I could tell there was this whole other Mark Fox under his façade that no one had even met yet . Besides , whenever we did touch it felt weird . He treated me like his kid sister . I knew that I was just going to have to be more forward , but that wasn 't my style at all . After a party one night he and his friends had dropped me off at my house and he got out of the backseat to let me out . I decided to take a chance and make my move . He came with me to the front door and as he said goodbye and was turning way I took one of his hands to stop him and leaned up to kiss his cheek . He looked at me in surprise and I fought through my fear and kissed him again on the lips . He kissed back and for a second I knew that life was going to be perfect from then on ; kid stuff , right ? When we parted he had looked embarrassed and I felt stupid . It was awkward . He apologized ; can you believe that ? Apologized . It never happened again , I didn 't have the guts . I couldn 't stand to be around him anymore , I felt like such a stupid girl . I started hanging out with a different crowd , the guys that drove loud trucks and drank more than they needed to and the desperate clinging girls that went along with them . I was nothing like these people , they had always seemed so dead - end to me . But there I was ; keeping company with those that amounted to what I then felt like too . My actual first time was with a guy named Wade . I didn 't even like Wade very much , but I was drunk and he was there . In the back of his bronco I 'd clumsily tried to give him head before letting him fuck me against the cooler full of beer behind the back seat . I didn 't even feel much , to be honest . Yeah it hurt , yeah it happened , but yeah … it wasn 't special at all . I 'd never gone down on a guy before and I didn 't really know what I was doing . Maybe passion could have made up for lack of experience , but I didn 't feel any of that either . After only a few strokes of my mouth on his cock he 'd pulled me back , using my ears like handles , and kissed me while groping at my breasts through my sweatshirt . He moved his hand down roughly between my legs and rubbed at me noncommittally . He wasn 't trying to pleasure me ; it was more like a signal as to what he wanted . I 'd lain down backwards with him on top of me and he dry humped meWhen I woke up in the hospital his was the face I saw looking at me . He came every single day . When my physical therapy started he came to every session with me for support . I 'm not gonna lie , I felt bad that he was spending time with me and not his other friends ; but eventually I came to realize he wanted to be there . I wasn 't a burden to him , I was his best friend . I stopped feeling like some broken and useless thing and began progressing in my recovery at a speed that surprised the therapists . If all I could be was Mark 's best friend , his ' sister from another mister ' as he called it , I 'd be damned if I was going to be a burden on him . That deep nasty place somewhere inside of him that he wouldn 't talk about gave him enough to worry about . He might not have loved me the way I wanted him to , but at least he loved me . The therapy and exercise became an addiction . I started with weights but as my already curved body started growing larger from the work outs I had stopped lifting . In a fit of rage one day at the itch on the bottom of a foot I no longer had , I had I started running to make my mind think it was being scratched . That day I found a place I didn 't know existed ; pure motion , my body a machine . I could feel every part of me ; I could feel what was working and what wasn 't . The only bit of me that didn 't give off signals to my brain of some way it could be better was the cold steel of my leg . I felt every nerve and muscle fiber . I 'd been running ever since ; and no , that 's not a metaphor . I 'm not fleeing ; I 'm trying to catch up . I don 't have anything to run from . I 'm okay with everything that 's ever happened in my life . Until now , that is . Going around a corner on the path I started to speed up my pace again , trying to get back the rhythm I 'd lost a moment ago . It wasn 't the same though ; I 'd gone too far off the rails with thought to get back to the perfection of just doing . Ever since Cyan , Mark had been someone else ; more than distant , gone . I 'd really liked Cyan . She was smart , funny , artistic . The clothes she modified for herself were fantastic , her ideas for logos I 'd helped her with were remarkable , and there was no question she was going to succeed at being a designer . I went out with them a few times to shows and parties , but I couldn 't keep up with them in their environment any more than they could have kept up with me in mine . I was happy to see him in a relationship that was good for him . She tried to keep him grounded , but as the months went by she came to me with problems they were having more and more often . She needed my advice as his best and longest friend but at first I was reluctant to get involved . I was his friend and it was hard not to side with him by instinct . She was right most of the time though ; he was turning into kind of an asshole . I tried to talk about it with him one night and he had completely lost his mind . I was given no choice but to stay out of his business , so I respected that . Put in the middle by Cyan more and more after that , I withdrew . Mark and I spent less and less time together even though we had lived in the same places for years since moving away from our hometown . When she died it was a shock . People didn 't just up and die in the circles of friends I had developed away from Mark . He wouldn 't tell me what happened . Until a week ago I didn 't even guess drugs because she didn 't seem the type , other than her nonstop pot smoking . Pot Shot . I smirked as I ran , thinking about how silly it had seemed when she 'd told me that 's what she had decided to call her clothing label . When I came home from work last week and went looking for the cat , only to find some skinny l " Hi , " was all she said , " you 're Lisa . " It wasn 't a question , just a statement of fact . She knew who I was but I 'd never heard of her . I thought to myself that this must be the girl Mark had been out with the night before , but I wouldn 't have guessed it if it weren 't so obvious . She didn 't seem to be his type ; then again , I didn 't know what ' his type ' was anymore . I had stepped out of her way as she got up suddenly and ran to the bathroom on her thin and unsteady little legs . I heard her dry heaving and had leaned into the bathroom to make sure she was okay , and held her hair while she vomited into the toilet . I let her take a shower , getting her some of Mark 's clothes to wear , and wondered the whole time what the hell was going on in my house . While I was in the bathroom putting a fresh towel on the counter for her I could see her thin form behind the shower curtain , lathering her perfect little body up with my soap . She was shorter than me , not quite 5 feet , and lean and hard . She was built like the girls I 'd been jealous of in high school , but her elvish face and form made determining her age almost impossible . I had felt a warmth inside of me , starting in my pelvis and spreading down my thighs and up my belly and I realized I was staring . I realized she was turning me on . She didn 't even know I was watching her through the foggy curtain and yet she moved with the grace of someone putting on a show . I had given my head a shake and left the bathroom , confused . I 'd never been into girls before ; I probably wasn 't into girls now . There was an unchained sensuality to her though , raw sex oozed from her . It was unnerving . Nothing scared me anymore , but I felt intimidated by her . As we waited for Mark she told me about them meeting , and going out to his show the night before . All I was able to get from her was that she had been given some bad drugs by someone without wanting them and she had gotten really sick . I remember being so angry at Mark at that moment ; for all I knew she was nowhere near as innocent as it seemed , but I wanted to slap him for wrecking her . She was so sweet and cute and nice and he 'd gotten her all trashed up and hurt her . When I saw his bandaged hand when he got home , my anger only dissipated briefly . When he told us what happened I figured it out on my own ; he beat that kid out of his skin because of Cyan . What an asshole ; this girl almost dies and he 's off using his feelings for her to make up for something that happened five years ago . During the next week he was around more , which was nice , but she was always there too . I watched them together , seeing the happiness in him . It was like watching two kids in school who had just discovered love . They were developing into what I had wanted from him all those years ago . What I had wanted from him all along since . I was jealous , but I couldn 't stop thinking about her either . Impish , precocious little Aliona . The way she winked and grinned at him no different than the way she winked and grinned at me , stealing my breath every time . I would steal glances at them all the time , watching him touch her or her kiss his neck . She was doing everything I wanted to do with him right in front of me . It wasn 't her fault , she didn 't know . I tried to imagine him touching me like that , but whenever I did I couldn 't remove her from the image in my mind . I didn 't know what was happening to me ; I have more control than this . As an artist I could control the pictures in my mental landscape with as much precision as I could control every muscle of my perfectly machined body ; but not when it came to her . She was always there , right there beside me in my fantasies . The night she stayed over after watching a movie with us , lying on top of Mark on the couch like she owned him , I lay awake in bed listening for any sound that might come from his room ; I found myself heating up thinking about what they might be doing just on the other side of the wall . My hand had found its way between my thighs without me noticing and I ran my fingers through my neatly trimmed pubic hair and thought about him touching her , about him touching me ; about her and I touching each other . I massaged one of my firm breasts while opening my pussy lips and rubbing at my clitoris . I sucked my finger into my mouth and put it back , moving it in and out of my little hole . I was firm and toned and hadn 't been with very many men . My pussy was still nice and taut , even at 32 . As I moved my finger in and out I pictured Mark behind me pushing his big cock into me . As I held and squeezed my breast I pictured Aliona lying in front of me licking and sucking on it with that pert little mouth of hers . I imagined my pussy was hers and I was fingering that tight opening , teasing into her a bit at a time . I had lain there pleasuring myself like this for minutes , the mental imagery getting more and more lurid as they had their way with me in my mind . As I made myself cum I bit hard on my pillow and squeezed my hand between my hard and perfectly sculpted thighs . Sweating and panting in my own aftermatThey were all I could think about , and she had become all I could draw . I had never had a very realistic style as an artist , and preferred to paint , but since meeting her I couldn 't stop sketching with pencils . I was amazed at how well I could translate the details I imagined in my head onto the paper . I had never been able to draw like this before . I left more and more work at the store to my staff and would just sit in the office drawing pictures of Aliona . She and Mark stopped by my store one day to bring me lunch and after they left an employee , Chris , had asked me how I managed to get something like that to model for me . He had seen my sketches on the desk while I was out front talking to them . I gave him a half - assed brush off of an answer and didn 't tell him that I was drawing it from my fantasies . I was glad Mark was happy , but this LA thing worried me . At least here I had work to try and escape into but I didn 't know how I could possibly handle a month without that distraction . Neither of them was shy at all about their affections , even when others were around , and the idea of being around them in close proximity for a month worried me . While he was working at the studio I 'd be all alone with her . How long would it be before I said or did something stupid that I couldn 't take back ? I rounded the end of the block , still dissatisfied with my interrupted release from my run , and up to our front door . As I came inside I heard Aliona 's startled " oh ! " over the music coming from Mark 's room . I closed the door softly and found myself slipping quietly down the hallway . His door was open just a crack and I could see a portion of their bodies , his naked and on top of her and she on her back with her legs around his waist . I could see her little hips flexing luridly as his went up and down , slow and deep . Her soft moans were barely audible and she dug her heels into the sides of his ass hard . I moved my hand to my pussy above my running shorts , feeling its warmth and dampness as I pressed into my fleshy lips with my fingertips . I licked my lips and moved a bit so I could see better . He was braced above her on his hands and his back muscles rippled with each stroke into her . Her head was back into his pillows and as she lifted herself up onto her elbows to arch her back and push her chest out I saw her face through the space between his arm and his chest . She looked up at him lustily , her lower lip in her teeth and a simmering burn in her green eyes . Her eyes flicked to the door suddenly and met mine where I peered through the gap . As I quickly stepped to the side and into my room I saw her wink at me and then look up at Mark , her heels digging in harder and pulling him deeper into her . She let out a cry and started sighing loudly over the throbbing music in a breathy , high tone . I closed my door quietlyI knew I should feel embarrassed but I didn 't . All I could feel was that same heat deep inside . Leaning against the wall I could feel the bass vibrating against my ass and I put one hand into the front of my shorts as the other pulled them down just below my hips and off my round , hard ass . I ran my finger up and down my opening pussy 's mouth and slid one finger into its warm waiting wetness while using the index finger of my other hand to tease at my hard protruding clit . I closed my eyes and her loud high sighs punctuated the image in my mind of her on her knees in front of me licking at me while Mark stood behind me clutching my ass and putting his finger into me . I started to moan softly too , knowing the music would hide it from them in the next room . I could feel Mark rubbing his cock against me before starting to put it into the hot embrace of my eager pussy and I pushed another finger in , two of them probing inside of me as I leaned my shoulders back to the wall and arched my back and bent at the knees slightly . I saw Aliona in front of me , her tiny ass poking out behind her on her knees with one hand on each of my hips , looking up at me as she licked my clit with the tip of her small pink tongue . I could hear her high sighs turning into sharp cries and in my mind 's eye I saw Mark thrusting harder into me from behind . My own juices were running down my hand and dripping off the back of my wrist to the floor and I pushed a third finger in with the others and moved them in and out , from where they joined my hand all the way out to my fingertips and back , harder and harder as I rubbed at my clit with my other hand and came hard with my back against the bedroom wall . I could hear Aliona crying out in her own climax in the next room . I came back down to reality suddenly . The embarrassment I probably should have felt before when I saw them through the door washed over me and I pulled my tight black shorts back up over my hips . I grabbed a towel from my closet and opened my door to go into the bathroom and shower . I went back into the bedroom to grab something loose to put on after the shower and I heard the bathroom door close . I knew I 'd blush if I saw either of them so I waited in my room until I heard whoever it was finish . The bathroom door opened and then I heard Mark 's door close . I stepped into the hallway to find myself face to face with Aliona . I had heard her close the bathroom door behind her coming into the hallway , not Mark 's door at all . She was still wearing his t - shirt but as she slipped past me towards his room I could see that she wasn 't wearing panties and the bottom curves of her perfect , tight , tiny little ass were exposed . She looked at me as she turned sideways to pass me and winked up at me . I know I blushed , I felt the warmth in my cheeks . I stood there and watched her , looking at her firm ass cheeks shifting up and down just below the hem of the oversized shirt , and she turned as she reached his door . She caught me moving my gaze up to her eyes and winked again , mouthing the words " I saw you " silently and then swished into his room and closed the door . My heart jumped and I shut the bathroom door behind me . As I showered the run and the orgasm off of my body I tried to plan out the conversation that would no doubt ensue when I left the bathroom . She would tell him I had been spying on them ; I know I would . What kind of perverted creep does what I just did ? I was mortified at my own behavior . Something was about to come crashing down on me , it was waiting just outside the door . I took longer than usual , standing under the water trying to let it wash how dirty I felt off of me . It didn 't help . I knew I would just have to get this over with . I toweled my naked body off and reattached my metal leg to the bit of my real one that was left below my knee . I looked at myself through the fog of the full length mirror . I was beautiful and I knew it ; my body the result of years of work trying to be as honed as the part of me that had been built by engineers to be nothing less than perfect . It 's just too bad no one else saw anything but the prosthetic when they looked at me . I felt sure that I was going to be grasping at dirty pleasures through the wall for the rest of my life and sadness came over me . " Pull your head out of your ass Lisa , " I whispered to my image in the mirror , and pulled on my red tracks pants and white t - shirt . I went out into the hall , waiting for Mark to yell " Lisa ! What 's wrong with you ! ? " It didn 't come . I could hear them talking in the living room and I nervously limped down the hallway to face the music . They were sitting on the couch , Aliona with her leg over his and Mark playing with her hair . Her thin legs were apart and I could see she had put her panties back on , a slight wet spot marking where he had been penetrating her tiny little girl pussy not long before . I felt the warmth in my pelvis again and blushed , pulling my gaze away to see her looking at me with that damning grin of hers . " Hey , Lis ! " Mark said , a bit of a blush on his face as well , " uh … you been here long ? " " I 'm going to have a shower now , " he said , and I heard him get up and go down the hallway . I crossed through the other side of the kitchen into the living room so he wouldn 't see my face and know something was off , dodging him but finding myself alone with Aliona in the living room as he closed the door . I heard the water start . " Is it ? Okay , if you say so , " she got up and swished from the room , flicking her wink back at me as she went down the hallway . I heard the bathroom door open , then a laugh and muffled voices . She came back a few minutes later wearing his big camo shorts again . " I have to go put my own clothes on and do something with my aunt and sister , " she said , coming over to where I sat , putting her hand on my shoulder . She smelled like cotton candy and sex . " I won 't tell him … you should . " I shuddered . I had been in control of every detail , starting with my body and spreading out to everything in my life , for so many years that what was happening round me felt like chaos . Under my breath I growled , " Rrrrrrrrrrfuck . " When Mark came out of his bedroom after his shower he had on the same clothes as when I 'd left in a rush earlier . His black hair was tousled and wet , hanging over his ears and onto his forehead . It always looked like that when he wasn 't wearing a hat . I don 't even think he owned a comb . His grey eyes looked at me and his face scrunched up in that cute way he had when he thought something was going on that no one had told him about . " What 's with your face , Lis ? " he asked me , " You look like someone slapped you . " " Cool , " he said , shrugging . He was so obtuse sometimes ; most of the time actually . He sat on the couch . " Want to talk about this LA thing ? " " Sure . Let 's leave Monday , " he went on , leaning forward and using his ' shit just got real ' tone , " Pat 'll tell them I 'm taking over management but he said he wouldn 't tell them when I was coming so I could pop in and catch them in their normal routine . See what 's up . Check the pulse . " All about him ; that was never going to change . I 'd accepted it long ago . To love Mark you had to accept that you were a spectator at the Mark Fox show . If I didn 't love him so much I 'd have been tired of being his audience long ago . He was perfect the way he was and I felt terrible for how mean I 'd been to him last week when the shit was hitting the fan all around me . " Can you tell me what the hell ? " he asked with a weird smile , pointing at our kitchen table . My sketch book was lying there , open to a drawing of Aliona naked on her hands and knees . I 'd drawn it on my lunch break two days ago . " Oh man , " I said , putting my hand over my face to cover my rising color , " I … uh … well … I … " " Does she think I 'm some weird creep now ? " I asked , worried , knowing that couldn 't be true with the way she had spoken to me as she left but fearing it might be anyways . What was wrong with me ? Why was I acting like a stupid little girl with a crush ? I sat down opposite him in the chair and put my feet on the other side of the table . " Mark , I 'm so sorry . This must be weird . I don 't know what to say . " " I didn 't know you were into girls , " he said casually but with a glint his eye . Typical man ; I could just imagine what he was thinking , but found myself thinking it as well . " How long have you been playing for the other team ? " The huge beat booming into the booth was making my head hurt as Mark sat at the big control panel thing and watched the guy in the small booth on the other side of the larger room beyond the glass rapping into the microphone hanging from the ceiling above him . Aliona was sitting in Mark 's lap with a huge smile and there was a ring of mean looking black guys standing in a semi circle behind them bobbing their heads or shifting their shoulders back and forth , frowning like they were mad but clearly enjoying what they were hearing . He pulled one of the sliding volume things down and the beat cut off . " I 'm gonna punch you back in on six ; spit the double and then wait for the double up on 12 , " Mark said into the thin microphone arching over the board of controls . I saw the guy in the little booth adjust his headphones where they rested on his neck and cupped his ears and then nod , turning his hat backwards . He leaned to the hanging microphone and the beat started again and I could hear the lyrics he had just said coming out of the speakers with it though he wasn 't saying anything now . I didn 't know what was going on ; I didn 't even like rap music . We had arrived at the studio in LA Monday afternoon and Mark had found this session taking place . The black guys had seemed to know who Mark was . Being who he was , he couldn 't resist the urge to take over the controls and give some ideas and pointers . Whatever he was doing was apparently working and I could see how much they obviously respected him . His tour of the studio had started and ended in this room . The rapper said a few lines over again , doubling up what were supposed to be important lines . When it came to the end of the verse , the black guys started shouting and yelling things like " Just SMASHED , boy ! " or " Damn man ! That shit was TIGHT ! " One of them patted Mark on the shoulder and said " You 're a fuckin ' GENIUS , Fox . " Aliona looked happy for him . So was I , I guess ; but I was bored . Mark lifted Aliona off his lap and she skipped over to sit beside me on the couch in her tiny frilly green skirt , tight green tank top , and tiny green flip flops . Did she even own closed toe shoes ? I missed wearing flips flops so much at that moment that I felt the itch in the bottom of my nonexistent left foot for the first time in so many years I 'd lost count . " That guy 's famous , " she said , pointing towards where Mark sat . She was right . I always knew he was good at what he did , but I didn 't know he had climbed so high as a producer . He was plugging in a thumb drive from the pocket of his jeans to the control board stuff and a different beat started . I recognized the sound as being something he made , all distorted bass and kick drums that made your chest punch in and out . " Whoa , whoa , whoa , son … what the FUCK riddim is this ! ? " a harsh voice said out of the speakers . " You want to flow on it ? " Mark asked into the mic in front of him . " Hell yeah son , cue it up on the 1 ! " the voice replied . I was tired of sitting ; I wished I 'd worn shorts but my ass looks really good in jeans . I can 't wear ones that are tight in the leg , obviously , but most jeans that flare at the leg are also low at the waist and stretch across my sculpted cheeks perfectly . It as hot in here though , and we were going to be here forever . " You 're bored , " Aliona said , leaning into me and putting the side of her head on my shoulder . " Yeah , is it that obvious ? " I asked , taking a deep indulgent breath of her smell . She was minty and warm next to me . She went over to Mark and leaned into him where he sat , whispering in his ear . He turned to look at her and nodded , looked back at me and smiled , then waved while mouthing the word " later " . I smiled back and got up , Aliona joining my side , and we left the room . We went to the front desk and the receptionist called a cab for us . There were people all over the place ; it was easily three times the size of the studio back home and being in LA it seemed to handle much bigger name clients . I saw the guitar player and singer of a band I knew and felt momentarily start struck . Mark had been distant for years until recently , not really taking much interest in my life ; but I suppose I was guilty of the same thing . I had no idea he could move in these circles with ease because he had never told me . Then again , I had never asked . " Maybe later when Mark 's free , " she said wistfully , looking out the window . Neither of them had likely said the words to each other but I could tell she loved him at least as much as I did . I couldn 't blame her . I wasn 't jealous anymore , but I felt nervous in the back of the car with her . It was the first time I 'd been alone with her since she told me she caught me watching Mark fuck her . " Let 's just go back to the hotel , " Aliona said , looking at me with her big green eyes . She touched my metal prosthetic gently with the toes poking out of her right flip flop . " Does this rust up if you go swimming ? " " Not if I take it off , " I said , still shy . Why was I being shy , damn it ? I was 32 years old , a business owner myself , and I thought I was way past this sort of behavior . I couldn 't believe I had a crush on this little pixie of a girl . The way she looked at me was lascivious . As another female I could see what she was doing . She knew she was doing it too , and I could see in her eyes that she knew I knew . She just winked that damned wink again , and I felt the warmth in my pelvis grow . Where the hell had Aliona come from ? No wonder Mark had crashed so hard for this girl . Read 52563 times | |
My heart was racing . I could feel my pulse hitting steadily against my insides , making my whole body flex and throb in perfectly tuned function . Sweat came down my face and along my spine , that too seeming exactly as it should be . Everything was perfect , everything in harmony . There was no past , no future ; just the present taking place in absolute measured perfection . This was usually the moment when the elation came . The rising flush inside of me that felt like fire along my muscles , burning away all that had no place in the hot , sweaty , straining perfection of raw physical motion . This was the moment when every nerve in my body came alive and every sensation was doubled , tripled , and then exploded outwards in a prolonged burst of surreal and pure astonishment . Once I got to this place I could hold it ; stretch it out and sustain it for as long as I wanted . Like a supernova on pause . " Fuck ! " I yelled , yanking the earbuds from my ears and sliding to a sudden stop in the gravel of the path . A family with their dog between some trees to the side turned and looked at me . " Are you okay ? " the man asked , handing the leash to his daughter and taking a step closer . " What ? " I asked , looking at him in confusion . I saw him glance down involuntarily at my left leg then back to my eyes . People were always doing it . I had great tits , why didn 't more of them look at those ? He 'd been hot , too . Sure he had a wife , but I could look right ? And so could he … but like most of the rest he only looked at my leg . Everyone acted so fucking delicate about it because they thought I was delicate about it . It was a finely manufactured instrument , cold hard steel and exacting attributes . There was nothing delicate about it . It was perfect . This wasn 't even the good one ; when I put on the one with the foot that looked like a long curved steel tongue I could run like Hermes . Sometimes , when I was running , I wished that both of my legs were that perfect . I had been striving for years to make the rest of my body as perfect as my left leg . The leaner and more toned I got the better I felt about the rest of me . The more I felt like I was catching up with my one piece of perfection . I had grown up naturally luscious ; large breasts , round ass , nice curvy hips . Someone once joked " child bearing hips " with me in high school and I hit them . Not because I was ashamed , but because it wasn 't true . It made me sound dumpy just because I wasn 't skinny like most of the other girls in my class . Those same guys had all loved it a couple years earlier in junior high though when I filled out before those other sticklike broads . They couldn 't wait to get their hands on me then ; maybe they had just been pissed off that they didn 't get any from me . They weren 't child bearing hips ; they were just the hips of a woman instead of a girl . I hadn 't wanted any of them anyways , I only wanted him ; stupid Mark Fox and his notebook and headphones . Whenever I 'd see him sitting alone in the general purpose room I had wanted to go and talk to him . When he was around his friends he was all bravado and forced charm , but when he was sitting there by himself he looked inward at something that no one else could see . I saw it too , though . His head nodding slowly to whatever he was listening to , pen in hand manically throwing his thoughts at the paper in a scrawl illegible to anyone but him . I wanted so bad to sit beside him and ask what he was writing , but it was a whole year before I had built up the guts to talk to him . At an outdoor party in the woods outside of town he was talking to his friends telling them a story about something that had happened last time he had visited his mother in the city . He was very animated and loud and though everyone seemed to like him he pushed them back when he was like this . Maybe because they were jealous he had something outside the small borders of their lives , or maybe just because they didn 't care . He tried too hard to get people to like him when they already did . “… and he threw himself right off stage into the crowd after dropping his guitar ! " he was telling them . He had a 40 ounce beer in one hand and was gesticulating wildly with the other while talking . As I came up behind them he was making a wide gesture I didn 't anticipate and he hit me across the shoulder . Thinking back , I had done that on purpose . I was desperate for him to notice me and at the time I didn 't think that would happen by itself . It was one of those awkward teenager things I guess . We started talking and became really close after that night . My feelings for him didn 't change , but he seemed to think of me as a friend more than anything . Still , we had talked on the phone almost every night until one of our parents would yell at us to get off . We were inseparable during the day at school . All of my girlfriends joked and chided that I should " just fuck him and get it over with " , and I know his friends probably thought we already had . I didn 't want my first time to be with someone I barely knew though , and I could tell there was this whole other Mark Fox under his façade that no one had even met yet . Besides , whenever we did touch it felt weird . He treated me like his kid sister . I knew that I was just going to have to be more forward , but that wasn 't my style at all . After a party one night he and his friends had dropped me off at my house and he got out of the backseat to let me out . I decided to take a chance and make my move . He came with me to the front door and as he said goodbye and was turning way I took one of his hands to stop him and leaned up to kiss his cheek . He looked at me in surprise and I fought through my fear and kissed him again on the lips . He kissed back and for a second I knew that life was going to be perfect from then on ; kid stuff , right ? When we parted he had looked embarrassed and I felt stupid . It was awkward . He apologized ; can you believe that ? Apologized . It never happened again , I didn 't have the guts . I couldn 't stand to be around him anymore , I felt like such a stupid girl . I started hanging out with a different crowd , the guys that drove loud trucks and drank more than they needed to and the desperate clinging girls that went along with them . I was nothing like these people , they had always seemed so dead - end to me . But there I was ; keeping company with those that amounted to what I then felt like too . My actual first time was with a guy named Wade . I didn 't even like Wade very much , but I was drunk and he was there . In the back of his bronco I 'd clumsily tried to give him head before letting him fuck me against the cooler full of beer behind the back seat . I didn 't even feel much , to be honest . Yeah it hurt , yeah it happened , but yeah … it wasn 't special at all . I 'd never gone down on a guy before and I didn 't really know what I was doing . Maybe passion could have made up for lack of experience , but I didn 't feel any of that either . After only a few strokes of my mouth on his cock he 'd pulled me back , using my ears like handles , and kissed me while groping at my breasts through my sweatshirt . He moved his hand down roughly between my legs and rubbed at me noncommittally . He wasn 't trying to pleasure me ; it was more like a signal as to what he wanted . I 'd lain down backwards with him on top of me and he dry humped meWhen I woke up in the hospital his was the face I saw looking at me . He came every single day . When my physical therapy started he came to every session with me for support . I 'm not gonna lie , I felt bad that he was spending time with me and not his other friends ; but eventually I came to realize he wanted to be there . I wasn 't a burden to him , I was his best friend . I stopped feeling like some broken and useless thing and began progressing in my recovery at a speed that surprised the therapists . If all I could be was Mark 's best friend , his ' sister from another mister ' as he called it , I 'd be damned if I was going to be a burden on him . That deep nasty place somewhere inside of him that he wouldn 't talk about gave him enough to worry about . He might not have loved me the way I wanted him to , but at least he loved me . The therapy and exercise became an addiction . I started with weights but as my already curved body started growing larger from the work outs I had stopped lifting . In a fit of rage one day at the itch on the bottom of a foot I no longer had , I had I started running to make my mind think it was being scratched . That day I found a place I didn 't know existed ; pure motion , my body a machine . I could feel every part of me ; I could feel what was working and what wasn 't . The only bit of me that didn 't give off signals to my brain of some way it could be better was the cold steel of my leg . I felt every nerve and muscle fiber . I 'd been running ever since ; and no , that 's not a metaphor . I 'm not fleeing ; I 'm trying to catch up . I don 't have anything to run from . I 'm okay with everything that 's ever happened in my life . Until now , that is . Going around a corner on the path I started to speed up my pace again , trying to get back the rhythm I 'd lost a moment ago . It wasn 't the same though ; I 'd gone too far off the rails with thought to get back to the perfection of just doing . Ever since Cyan , Mark had been someone else ; more than distant , gone . I 'd really liked Cyan . She was smart , funny , artistic . The clothes she modified for herself were fantastic , her ideas for logos I 'd helped her with were remarkable , and there was no question she was going to succeed at being a designer . I went out with them a few times to shows and parties , but I couldn 't keep up with them in their environment any more than they could have kept up with me in mine . I was happy to see him in a relationship that was good for him . She tried to keep him grounded , but as the months went by she came to me with problems they were having more and more often . She needed my advice as his best and longest friend but at first I was reluctant to get involved . I was his friend and it was hard not to side with him by instinct . She was right most of the time though ; he was turning into kind of an asshole . I tried to talk about it with him one night and he had completely lost his mind . I was given no choice but to stay out of his business , so I respected that . Put in the middle by Cyan more and more after that , I withdrew . Mark and I spent less and less time together even though we had lived in the same places for years since moving away from our hometown . When she died it was a shock . People didn 't just up and die in the circles of friends I had developed away from Mark . He wouldn 't tell me what happened . Until a week ago I didn 't even guess drugs because she didn 't seem the type , other than her nonstop pot smoking . Pot Shot . I smirked as I ran , thinking about how silly it had seemed when she 'd told me that 's what she had decided to call her clothing label . When I came home from work last week and went looking for the cat , only to find some skinny l " Hi , " was all she said , " you 're Lisa . " It wasn 't a question , just a statement of fact . She knew who I was but I 'd never heard of her . I thought to myself that this must be the girl Mark had been out with the night before , but I wouldn 't have guessed it if it weren 't so obvious . She didn 't seem to be his type ; then again , I didn 't know what ' his type ' was anymore . I had stepped out of her way as she got up suddenly and ran to the bathroom on her thin and unsteady little legs . I heard her dry heaving and had leaned into the bathroom to make sure she was okay , and held her hair while she vomited into the toilet . I let her take a shower , getting her some of Mark 's clothes to wear , and wondered the whole time what the hell was going on in my house . While I was in the bathroom putting a fresh towel on the counter for her I could see her thin form behind the shower curtain , lathering her perfect little body up with my soap . She was shorter than me , not quite 5 feet , and lean and hard . She was built like the girls I 'd been jealous of in high school , but her elvish face and form made determining her age almost impossible . I had felt a warmth inside of me , starting in my pelvis and spreading down my thighs and up my belly and I realized I was staring . I realized she was turning me on . She didn 't even know I was watching her through the foggy curtain and yet she moved with the grace of someone putting on a show . I had given my head a shake and left the bathroom , confused . I 'd never been into girls before ; I probably wasn 't into girls now . There was an unchained sensuality to her though , raw sex oozed from her . It was unnerving . Nothing scared me anymore , but I felt intimidated by her . As we waited for Mark she told me about them meeting , and going out to his show the night before . All I was able to get from her was that she had been given some bad drugs by someone without wanting them and she had gotten really sick . I remember being so angry at Mark at that moment ; for all I knew she was nowhere near as innocent as it seemed , but I wanted to slap him for wrecking her . She was so sweet and cute and nice and he 'd gotten her all trashed up and hurt her . When I saw his bandaged hand when he got home , my anger only dissipated briefly . When he told us what happened I figured it out on my own ; he beat that kid out of his skin because of Cyan . What an asshole ; this girl almost dies and he 's off using his feelings for her to make up for something that happened five years ago . During the next week he was around more , which was nice , but she was always there too . I watched them together , seeing the happiness in him . It was like watching two kids in school who had just discovered love . They were developing into what I had wanted from him all those years ago . What I had wanted from him all along since . I was jealous , but I couldn 't stop thinking about her either . Impish , precocious little Aliona . The way she winked and grinned at him no different than the way she winked and grinned at me , stealing my breath every time . I would steal glances at them all the time , watching him touch her or her kiss his neck . She was doing everything I wanted to do with him right in front of me . It wasn 't her fault , she didn 't know . I tried to imagine him touching me like that , but whenever I did I couldn 't remove her from the image in my mind . I didn 't know what was happening to me ; I have more control than this . As an artist I could control the pictures in my mental landscape with as much precision as I could control every muscle of my perfectly machined body ; but not when it came to her . She was always there , right there beside me in my fantasies . The night she stayed over after watching a movie with us , lying on top of Mark on the couch like she owned him , I lay awake in bed listening for any sound that might come from his room ; I found myself heating up thinking about what they might be doing just on the other side of the wall . My hand had found its way between my thighs without me noticing and I ran my fingers through my neatly trimmed pubic hair and thought about him touching her , about him touching me ; about her and I touching each other . I massaged one of my firm breasts while opening my pussy lips and rubbing at my clitoris . I sucked my finger into my mouth and put it back , moving it in and out of my little hole . I was firm and toned and hadn 't been with very many men . My pussy was still nice and taut , even at 32 . As I moved my finger in and out I pictured Mark behind me pushing his big cock into me . As I held and squeezed my breast I pictured Aliona lying in front of me licking and sucking on it with that pert little mouth of hers . I imagined my pussy was hers and I was fingering that tight opening , teasing into her a bit at a time . I had lain there pleasuring myself like this for minutes , the mental imagery getting more and more lurid as they had their way with me in my mind . As I made myself cum I bit hard on my pillow and squeezed my hand between my hard and perfectly sculpted thighs . Sweating and panting in my own aftermatThey were all I could think about , and she had become all I could draw . I had never had a very realistic style as an artist , and preferred to paint , but since meeting her I couldn 't stop sketching with pencils . I was amazed at how well I could translate the details I imagined in my head onto the paper . I had never been able to draw like this before . I left more and more work at the store to my staff and would just sit in the office drawing pictures of Aliona . She and Mark stopped by my store one day to bring me lunch and after they left an employee , Chris , had asked me how I managed to get something like that to model for me . He had seen my sketches on the desk while I was out front talking to them . I gave him a half - assed brush off of an answer and didn 't tell him that I was drawing it from my fantasies . I was glad Mark was happy , but this LA thing worried me . At least here I had work to try and escape into but I didn 't know how I could possibly handle a month without that distraction . Neither of them was shy at all about their affections , even when others were around , and the idea of being around them in close proximity for a month worried me . While he was working at the studio I 'd be all alone with her . How long would it be before I said or did something stupid that I couldn 't take back ? I rounded the end of the block , still dissatisfied with my interrupted release from my run , and up to our front door . As I came inside I heard Aliona 's startled " oh ! " over the music coming from Mark 's room . I closed the door softly and found myself slipping quietly down the hallway . His door was open just a crack and I could see a portion of their bodies , his naked and on top of her and she on her back with her legs around his waist . I could see her little hips flexing luridly as his went up and down , slow and deep . Her soft moans were barely audible and she dug her heels into the sides of his ass hard . I moved my hand to my pussy above my running shorts , feeling its warmth and dampness as I pressed into my fleshy lips with my fingertips . I licked my lips and moved a bit so I could see better . He was braced above her on his hands and his back muscles rippled with each stroke into her . Her head was back into his pillows and as she lifted herself up onto her elbows to arch her back and push her chest out I saw her face through the space between his arm and his chest . She looked up at him lustily , her lower lip in her teeth and a simmering burn in her green eyes . Her eyes flicked to the door suddenly and met mine where I peered through the gap . As I quickly stepped to the side and into my room I saw her wink at me and then look up at Mark , her heels digging in harder and pulling him deeper into her . She let out a cry and started sighing loudly over the throbbing music in a breathy , high tone . I closed my door quietlyI knew I should feel embarrassed but I didn 't . All I could feel was that same heat deep inside . Leaning against the wall I could feel the bass vibrating against my ass and I put one hand into the front of my shorts as the other pulled them down just below my hips and off my round , hard ass . I ran my finger up and down my opening pussy 's mouth and slid one finger into its warm waiting wetness while using the index finger of my other hand to tease at my hard protruding clit . I closed my eyes and her loud high sighs punctuated the image in my mind of her on her knees in front of me licking at me while Mark stood behind me clutching my ass and putting his finger into me . I started to moan softly too , knowing the music would hide it from them in the next room . I could feel Mark rubbing his cock against me before starting to put it into the hot embrace of my eager pussy and I pushed another finger in , two of them probing inside of me as I leaned my shoulders back to the wall and arched my back and bent at the knees slightly . I saw Aliona in front of me , her tiny ass poking out behind her on her knees with one hand on each of my hips , looking up at me as she licked my clit with the tip of her small pink tongue . I could hear her high sighs turning into sharp cries and in my mind 's eye I saw Mark thrusting harder into me from behind . My own juices were running down my hand and dripping off the back of my wrist to the floor and I pushed a third finger in with the others and moved them in and out , from where they joined my hand all the way out to my fingertips and back , harder and harder as I rubbed at my clit with my other hand and came hard with my back against the bedroom wall . I could hear Aliona crying out in her own climax in the next room . I came back down to reality suddenly . The embarrassment I probably should have felt before when I saw them through the door washed over me and I pulled my tight black shorts back up over my hips . I grabbed a towel from my closet and opened my door to go into the bathroom and shower . I went back into the bedroom to grab something loose to put on after the shower and I heard the bathroom door close . I knew I 'd blush if I saw either of them so I waited in my room until I heard whoever it was finish . The bathroom door opened and then I heard Mark 's door close . I stepped into the hallway to find myself face to face with Aliona . I had heard her close the bathroom door behind her coming into the hallway , not Mark 's door at all . She was still wearing his t - shirt but as she slipped past me towards his room I could see that she wasn 't wearing panties and the bottom curves of her perfect , tight , tiny little ass were exposed . She looked at me as she turned sideways to pass me and winked up at me . I know I blushed , I felt the warmth in my cheeks . I stood there and watched her , looking at her firm ass cheeks shifting up and down just below the hem of the oversized shirt , and she turned as she reached his door . She caught me moving my gaze up to her eyes and winked again , mouthing the words " I saw you " silently and then swished into his room and closed the door . My heart jumped and I shut the bathroom door behind me . As I showered the run and the orgasm off of my body I tried to plan out the conversation that would no doubt ensue when I left the bathroom . She would tell him I had been spying on them ; I know I would . What kind of perverted creep does what I just did ? I was mortified at my own behavior . Something was about to come crashing down on me , it was waiting just outside the door . I took longer than usual , standing under the water trying to let it wash how dirty I felt off of me . It didn 't help . I knew I would just have to get this over with . I toweled my naked body off and reattached my metal leg to the bit of my real one that was left below my knee . I looked at myself through the fog of the full length mirror . I was beautiful and I knew it ; my body the result of years of work trying to be as honed as the part of me that had been built by engineers to be nothing less than perfect . It 's just too bad no one else saw anything but the prosthetic when they looked at me . I felt sure that I was going to be grasping at dirty pleasures through the wall for the rest of my life and sadness came over me . " Pull your head out of your ass Lisa , " I whispered to my image in the mirror , and pulled on my red tracks pants and white t - shirt . I went out into the hall , waiting for Mark to yell " Lisa ! What 's wrong with you ! ? " It didn 't come . I could hear them talking in the living room and I nervously limped down the hallway to face the music . They were sitting on the couch , Aliona with her leg over his and Mark playing with her hair . Her thin legs were apart and I could see she had put her panties back on , a slight wet spot marking where he had been penetrating her tiny little girl pussy not long before . I felt the warmth in my pelvis again and blushed , pulling my gaze away to see her looking at me with that damning grin of hers . " Hey , Lis ! " Mark said , a bit of a blush on his face as well , " uh … you been here long ? " " I 'm going to have a shower now , " he said , and I heard him get up and go down the hallway . I crossed through the other side of the kitchen into the living room so he wouldn 't see my face and know something was off , dodging him but finding myself alone with Aliona in the living room as he closed the door . I heard the water start . " Is it ? Okay , if you say so , " she got up and swished from the room , flicking her wink back at me as she went down the hallway . I heard the bathroom door open , then a laugh and muffled voices . She came back a few minutes later wearing his big camo shorts again . " I have to go put my own clothes on and do something with my aunt and sister , " she said , coming over to where I sat , putting her hand on my shoulder . She smelled like cotton candy and sex . " I won 't tell him … you should . " I shuddered . I had been in control of every detail , starting with my body and spreading out to everything in my life , for so many years that what was happening round me felt like chaos . Under my breath I growled , " Rrrrrrrrrrfuck . " When Mark came out of his bedroom after his shower he had on the same clothes as when I 'd left in a rush earlier . His black hair was tousled and wet , hanging over his ears and onto his forehead . It always looked like that when he wasn 't wearing a hat . I don 't even think he owned a comb . His grey eyes looked at me and his face scrunched up in that cute way he had when he thought something was going on that no one had told him about . " What 's with your face , Lis ? " he asked me , " You look like someone slapped you . " " Cool , " he said , shrugging . He was so obtuse sometimes ; most of the time actually . He sat on the couch . " Want to talk about this LA thing ? " " Sure . Let 's leave Monday , " he went on , leaning forward and using his ' shit just got real ' tone , " Pat 'll tell them I 'm taking over management but he said he wouldn 't tell them when I was coming so I could pop in and catch them in their normal routine . See what 's up . Check the pulse . " All about him ; that was never going to change . I 'd accepted it long ago . To love Mark you had to accept that you were a spectator at the Mark Fox show . If I didn 't love him so much I 'd have been tired of being his audience long ago . He was perfect the way he was and I felt terrible for how mean I 'd been to him last week when the shit was hitting the fan all around me . " Can you tell me what the hell ? " he asked with a weird smile , pointing at our kitchen table . My sketch book was lying there , open to a drawing of Aliona naked on her hands and knees . I 'd drawn it on my lunch break two days ago . " Oh man , " I said , putting my hand over my face to cover my rising color , " I … uh … well … I … " " Does she think I 'm some weird creep now ? " I asked , worried , knowing that couldn 't be true with the way she had spoken to me as she left but fearing it might be anyways . What was wrong with me ? Why was I acting like a stupid little girl with a crush ? I sat down opposite him in the chair and put my feet on the other side of the table . " Mark , I 'm so sorry . This must be weird . I don 't know what to say . " " I didn 't know you were into girls , " he said casually but with a glint his eye . Typical man ; I could just imagine what he was thinking , but found myself thinking it as well . " How long have you been playing for the other team ? " The huge beat booming into the booth was making my head hurt as Mark sat at the big control panel thing and watched the guy in the small booth on the other side of the larger room beyond the glass rapping into the microphone hanging from the ceiling above him . Aliona was sitting in Mark 's lap with a huge smile and there was a ring of mean looking black guys standing in a semi circle behind them bobbing their heads or shifting their shoulders back and forth , frowning like they were mad but clearly enjoying what they were hearing . He pulled one of the sliding volume things down and the beat cut off . " I 'm gonna punch you back in on six ; spit the double and then wait for the double up on 12 , " Mark said into the thin microphone arching over the board of controls . I saw the guy in the little booth adjust his headphones where they rested on his neck and cupped his ears and then nod , turning his hat backwards . He leaned to the hanging microphone and the beat started again and I could hear the lyrics he had just said coming out of the speakers with it though he wasn 't saying anything now . I didn 't know what was going on ; I didn 't even like rap music . We had arrived at the studio in LA Monday afternoon and Mark had found this session taking place . The black guys had seemed to know who Mark was . Being who he was , he couldn 't resist the urge to take over the controls and give some ideas and pointers . Whatever he was doing was apparently working and I could see how much they obviously respected him . His tour of the studio had started and ended in this room . The rapper said a few lines over again , doubling up what were supposed to be important lines . When it came to the end of the verse , the black guys started shouting and yelling things like " Just SMASHED , boy ! " or " Damn man ! That shit was TIGHT ! " One of them patted Mark on the shoulder and said " You 're a fuckin ' GENIUS , Fox . " Aliona looked happy for him . So was I , I guess ; but I was bored . Mark lifted Aliona off his lap and she skipped over to sit beside me on the couch in her tiny frilly green skirt , tight green tank top , and tiny green flip flops . Did she even own closed toe shoes ? I missed wearing flips flops so much at that moment that I felt the itch in the bottom of my nonexistent left foot for the first time in so many years I 'd lost count . " That guy 's famous , " she said , pointing towards where Mark sat . She was right . I always knew he was good at what he did , but I didn 't know he had climbed so high as a producer . He was plugging in a thumb drive from the pocket of his jeans to the control board stuff and a different beat started . I recognized the sound as being something he made , all distorted bass and kick drums that made your chest punch in and out . " Whoa , whoa , whoa , son … what the FUCK riddim is this ! ? " a harsh voice said out of the speakers . " You want to flow on it ? " Mark asked into the mic in front of him . " Hell yeah son , cue it up on the 1 ! " the voice replied . I was tired of sitting ; I wished I 'd worn shorts but my ass looks really good in jeans . I can 't wear ones that are tight in the leg , obviously , but most jeans that flare at the leg are also low at the waist and stretch across my sculpted cheeks perfectly . It as hot in here though , and we were going to be here forever . " You 're bored , " Aliona said , leaning into me and putting the side of her head on my shoulder . " Yeah , is it that obvious ? " I asked , taking a deep indulgent breath of her smell . She was minty and warm next to me . She went over to Mark and leaned into him where he sat , whispering in his ear . He turned to look at her and nodded , looked back at me and smiled , then waved while mouthing the word " later " . I smiled back and got up , Aliona joining my side , and we left the room . We went to the front desk and the receptionist called a cab for us . There were people all over the place ; it was easily three times the size of the studio back home and being in LA it seemed to handle much bigger name clients . I saw the guitar player and singer of a band I knew and felt momentarily start struck . Mark had been distant for years until recently , not really taking much interest in my life ; but I suppose I was guilty of the same thing . I had no idea he could move in these circles with ease because he had never told me . Then again , I had never asked . " Maybe later when Mark 's free , " she said wistfully , looking out the window . Neither of them had likely said the words to each other but I could tell she loved him at least as much as I did . I couldn 't blame her . I wasn 't jealous anymore , but I felt nervous in the back of the car with her . It was the first time I 'd been alone with her since she told me she caught me watching Mark fuck her . " Let 's just go back to the hotel , " Aliona said , looking at me with her big green eyes . She touched my metal prosthetic gently with the toes poking out of her right flip flop . " Does this rust up if you go swimming ? " " Not if I take it off , " I said , still shy . Why was I being shy , damn it ? I was 32 years old , a business owner myself , and I thought I was way past this sort of behavior . I couldn 't believe I had a crush on this little pixie of a girl . The way she looked at me was lascivious . As another female I could see what she was doing . She knew she was doing it too , and I could see in her eyes that she knew I knew . She just winked that damned wink again , and I felt the warmth in my pelvis grow . Where the hell had Aliona come from ? No wonder Mark had crashed so hard for this girl . Read 52560 times | |
Richie was totally numb . Scott had to be Duncan . The reaction on MacLeod 's face when he called him Mac was total shock . Tessa , Mac and me , the writing on the back of the photo had read . Don 't jump to conclusions , Richie , he told himself again and again . After all a lot of people have gone by the nickname of Mac at one time or another . What had Adam and Connor called him ? MacLeod , that was it , and very rarely even that . Scott had turned away for a moment as though he was trying to hide something . Richie wanted to stand up and shake the truth out of him , but he knew that wouldn 't get him very far . What if he was really Scott ? That would be too embarrassing . At the same time he was flooded with relief that if this was Duncan MacLeod , he hadn 't really killed him like Horton had tried to convince him . Adam and Connor had been telling the truth all along . So why keep the mystery man 's identity from him ? Why hide that part of the truth ? He just couldn 't come up with a good enough answer to completely accept that Scott was really his former teacher , Duncan MacLeod . And if his friends were playing mind games with him , was he just supposed to forgive that ? Sure he only had half a mind at the moment , but wasn 't the idea to rebuild his memory not take advantage of the lack of it ? When Scott turned back around he was still smiling , but in a friendly way rather than in total astonishment . He extended a hand to Richie . " Ready to head back to the lodge ? " " Good . " Duncan replied . " Race you ! " Richie 's jaw dropped as he watched MacLeod propel himself down the path . " Race ? That 's at least five miles back that direction ! It 's only four this way . " " Okay , " Richie muttered . " Let 's see who gets there first . " He turned back the direction they had just came from and started running at a stride he judged might allow him to keep pace with Mac . _____________________________ Methos sat in the diner across from the pizza parlor . It wouldn 't open till noon , but at least here he could get a cup of coffee and some breakfast . He had " borrowed " the keys to the SUV Duncan had rented and spent the entire night trying to find some sign of Michaelis . He was tired , but not quite ready to give up . Besides , he knew he would never hear the end of it when he got back to the lodge . The sensation of another immortal surged through him unexpectedly . He felt the long coat beside him to make sure his sword was handy . It took only a moment before the door opened . He almost collapsed in relief . Connor wandered over to his table , hands in the pockets of his long coat . He stood there staring at the younger looking immortal for the longest time . " I never sensed you . " Methos was suddenly taken back . Connor could feel his buzz , but he hadn 't felt Connor 's ? Man , he was getting old . " Oh , no thanks . " He smiled as he watched Adam swallow the slimy eggs hungrily . After she left he turned back at the subject of his scrutiny . " If you come home , I 'll fix you some real food . " Adam looked up with the fork still stuck in his mouth . Come home ? He hadn 't heard that word forever . Okay , so maybe when he and Richie were living in Greece , they referred to the beach house as home . If he had a home it would have to be there . Yes , he and Alexa had called it home . His heart still ached when he thought of his beautiful late wife . He 'd never told anyone they had married . Only Michael had attended the wedding of young Dr . Adam Pierson and his beautiful bride Alexa . And as if the waitress was reading his mind she came back with a plate of hash browns and withdrew the confession from him . " No , " Connor took over . Adam was obviously getting agitated or depressed . " We 're just friends . It 's a terrible coincidence . All of our wives have died . " The waitress nodded . " I see . Well , let me know if I can get you anything else . " She made a beeline back to the kitchen counter . Adam couldn 't shake the feeling that he was being treated like a rebellious teenager and he wasn ? t sure how he felt about it . In a way it was what he always wanted . Not that he wanted to be treated like a kid , but he had always wanted to forget that he was 5 , 000 years old . Connor 's refusal to even consider that he could be much older than he looked was sometimes frustrating and at other times a blessing , but couldn 't the guy give him a century or two of credit ? He stepped outside into the morning sunshine enjoying the warm summer air , his mood trying to lighten despite his best efforts to stay depressed . Adam sighed . Was Connor just deaf or completely oblivious to anyone 's rights but his own ? He was tempted to voice the question , but feared the scene that would start when Connor knocked him flat . " Yes , she was . All right , you want the whole story , you 'll get it . She was a waitress for Joe . I fell in love with her at first sight . I hounded her until she agreed to go out . She didn 't want to because she knew she was ill . Joe finally told me what was wrong , but it didn 't stop me . I loved her too much to lose anytime we could spend together . Six months later she was dead , and there was nothing Dr . Adam Pierson could do to save his beautiful , tragic wife . " " No . " Adam was frustrated . " I don 't even work as a doctor anymore . I used my license for prescriptions for her if necessary but mostly we let the specialists handle it . " Sure . Fifty , huh ? " Connor studied Adam closely . He had told Richie he had been at the first Woodstock . " Now was that so hard to admit ? " Richie ran through the woods trying to remember if the path he had chosen was truly the shorter route . What if Mac was right ? Then you 'll run in ten years after he gets there and look like a real dweeb , he told himself . Surely he had been right , but after what felt like three miles he had still not seen any of the familiar landmarks he should see within a mile of home . He concentrated on enjoying the run instead of worrying about the outcome of the impromptu race . If he lost , he lost . He always lost to Connor . Then he realized how quiet the woods had become . With Mac heading the other way he was all - alone . It had been days since he had got to enjoy any real solitude . Even without their unexpected guests , Connor watched him like a hawk . It usually made him feel young and stupid , but he had long ago given up on trying to convince Connor he was old enough to take care of himself . After all , if what Adam told him was correct he would be twenty - five years old in the fall . Yet he still looked as young as he was treated . He could imagine how it was going to be when he knew he was 100 years old and Connor was still treating him like a nineteen - year - old . What kind of a job would he ever be able to have that people would believe he was actually old enough to hold the position ? Adam had it bad enough . He had already had to give up practicing medicine on a full time basis , because his credentials had long ago passed him by . Richie had tried on several occasions to convince him to go back into medicine , but Adam would only back his way out of the conversation . Suddenly he wondered what Scot or Mac or whatever his name was did for a living . But he had died in his mid thirties , with a face that could pass for older looking late twenties or younger looking mid forties . He , like Connor , had a longer " life span " . Hadn 't Connor told him that Duncan was also an antique dealer ? Maybe he could do that , after all , it seemed to be profitable . He slowed just a bit as he felt the sensation of another immortal . Scott must have realized Richie had gone in a different direction and decided to follow him . So much like Connor . The buzzy feeling didn 't quite feel right . It was different than the one he had felt when he and Scott were running together . It could be Adam or Connor , but something just wasn ? t right . He turned completely around , running in place , but could see no one . He was suddenly over whelmed by a sense of fear and erieness . Whoever it was had left the jogging path . The other immortal was hiding in the woods . Now Richie couldn 't tell if he was running toward him or away from him . Was he about to pass him ? Could this guy just reach out with his sword and take his head at any moment ? His heart began to skip a few beats as he realized it could be Michaelis . Could the man really be that stupid that he would come all the way out here in the mountains to kill him ? Knowing that there were three other immortals with him most of the time ? Michaelis would have to know his only hope would be to catch Richie alone and unguarded . Damn ! Richie realized he 'd just set himself up . Panic crossed his youthful features , as he remembered he didn 't even have a sword with him . He hated jogging with a sword . It was almost impossible to conceal , and anywhere he could think to hide it interfered as it bang clanged against his lithe frame . Let me live , dear God , and I will never leave home without it again . He shot down the path as fast as he could . The faster his footfalls became the louder and closer the other immortal followed . He heard a crashing sound in the woods , but dared only a glance over his shoulder . He caught just the barest glimpse of a man who could have been anyone . The other immortal had taken to the path and come out of the trees . A sudden burst of fear induced adrenaline pushed Richie to run faster than ever before . The lodge was in site now . He could see the light in the kitchen window where they had left Joe Dawson cooking breakfast . He almost stumbled down the hill as his feet propelled his body too quickly to keep upright on the steep decline that suddenly leveled into the back yard . Unable and just as unwilling to slow himself down enough he ran smack into the door . A sword was suddenly imbedded in the wood over his head . He slowly looked up at the shining metal then turned just slightly , but strong hands grabbed his shoulders , whirling him around and throwing him off the back porch and onto the ground . " Well , now that 's bright . " Duncan shook his head . " So you take off four miles in the opposite direction ? No wonder Connor doesn ? t let you out of his sight . You 're just as brainless now as you 've always been . " Richie brought himself completely up in one swift move and propelled himself into Duncan , knocking him over . Duncan grabbed his arms and easily flipped him over on to his back again . " Now what is that suppose to prove ? " " Watch you mouth . Get up . " Duncan stood up and pulled him to his feet . " Come on , let 's see what you can do . Try to get a swing in . " " Sorry , I know this game . " Richie was still panting and seething with anger as he jumped up , swung his feet out and knocked Duncan 's legs out from under him . " Never do what your opponent expects . " He pointed at Duncan . " But you should know that , shouldn 't you ? " Duncan laughed as he used both feet to wrap around Richie 's ankles and pull him onto the ground . He got to his knees quickly shoved the kid all the way down onto his back again . " Are you tired , Richie ? You don 't seem to be able to stay on your feet . " " Then maybe you should think to live as well . " Duncan stood up realizing he 'd made his point well enough . He didn 't really want to hurt the kid . " You want to know what I think ? " Richie pushed himself to his feet . " When you first came here , I thought maybe you were Duncan MacLeod . Now I 'm just glad you 're not . " Richie pushed past a stunned Duncan and went to the house . He pulled the sword out of the door and lunged it point first into the ground near MacLeod . " Morning , Richie . " Joe smiled as he came out onto the porch . " To what ? " Duncan pulled his sword out of the ground . " Hating me ? Taking my head ? " His breathing increased as his voice grew anxious . " This isn 't going to work . I 've lost him for good , haven 't I ? " " MacLeod , don 't be ridiculous . This little battle of wills - whatever it was about - is exactly you and Richie . The two of you locked horns over fresh squeezed orange juice versus concentrate . " " But we were family then . Now , I 'm just some stranger interfering between he and Connor . " Duncan ran a hand across his face trying to rub away the distressed look he wore . " He has a new life and I don 't have any place in it . " " I don 't believe that and neither do you , " Joe turned back into the house . " Where are Connor and Adam ? I 've got this huge breakfast waiting and no one is here to eat it . " " Connor just can 't help himself can he ? The clan chieftain . He refuses to believe Adam is Methos , doesn 't he ? " Joe poured MacLeod a cup of coffee . " Yeah , it is pretty funny . But you 've got to admit it is awful hard to believe . If I hadn 't met several of his old friends , I probably would have a few doubts myself . " " Mac , " Joe shoved a hand through his hair . " So you 're strangers again . Start over . If I remember right , it took a little work to rein him in , didn 't it ? He didn 't trust you and who could blame him ? But you stuck with it . " Richie had slept a lot over the next few days after Duncan and Tessa had found him burning with fever at the zoo . Duncan attributed the need for rest to his illness and the lack of having any really good sleeping arrangements for some time . Within a week he was back to normal and volunteering to work in the shop again . Tessa refused to let him go back to the task of sweeping out the storeroom , claiming that the dust had done nothing but aggravate his condition his first day at the shop . Duncan realized she knew more about children than he ever would , so he left the decision to her . Once Richie was finished with his assigned chores of the day he announced he was going out to meet some friends . For all he knew he might have just announced he committed murder . Duncan and Tessa looked worriedly at him . " No , no , that 's fine . " Duncan stammered . He knew he had to jump into full - scale father mode and did his fastest thinking . " I just think we need to discuss when you 'll be home . " " I 'm the law and I say 10 : 00 . " Duncan realized Richie was about to burst . " That 's my best offer . Take it or leave it . " He was surprised when dinner went as smoothly as it did . Duncan and Tessa had both lost the paternal tone in their voices and acted perfectly relaxed . Unfortunately , for Richie he took the relaxed attitudes as leniency and when his friends tormented him about going home early , he couldn 't quite see the harm in staying out just a bit longer . Richie knew it had been a mistake when Duncan and Tessa were still waiting up for him when he finally wandered in at 11 : 30 . He had seen the look in Duncan 's eyes from several of his foster fathers . He was really going to get it now . Well good , maybe it would give him a good reason to leave . " You 're late . " " Duncan , perhaps he is telling the truth , " Tessa suggested until Duncan looked at her in surprise . He wasn ? t in the mood to play good cop , bad cop . " We 'll discuss this in your room . " Duncan wasn 't phased when both Tessa and Richie turned shocked looks on him . " Go on . Get ready for bed . " Richie nervously left the room , all the bravado suddenly gone . MacLeod was going to kill him . Even worse , though , was the fact that he had made him mad at Tessa . Somehow he didn 't think MacLeod would harm her , and if he did have had such tendencies she wouldn 't put up with it . Once he got to his room , he began packing his bag . He had a few extra clothes now that Tessa had bought for him , but it wouldn 't all fit in the small backpack . He would leave the newer things . After all he didn 't want their charity . As he looked around the room for any of his other items , he began to realize how much he was going to miss the place . Should he leave ? Or should he just stay and take whatever MacLeod dished out to him ? It might be worth it to have the good food , a job and a warm room . It wasn 't the first time he had to make the decision . It had actually been nice having some place to come home to . Until he told his friend that he had to go home he had even enjoyed the sound of the words . He would stay and take what was coming to him . He just didn 't have the strength to find a new home on the streets tonight . When he heard MacLeod knock on his door , he quickly threw the backpack to the side of his bed . " You aren 't dressed for bed . " Richie dared an upward glance . When Duncan reached out to take hold of his arm and chin simultaneously , the boy flinched . Duncan noticed the reaction , but chose not to make a deal out of it . " What time is your curfew ? " " You find that funny ? " " No ! No , it 's just that - " Richie hesitated for a minute then decided to go for it . After all MacLeod had been around the block a few times . He knew what Richie 's life had been like . " I thought - well , I thought - " Duncan watched the nervous kid for a moment . He knew that he could terrify him or calm his fears , mold him or break him . Or he could lose what little control he had over him . " Richie , I could get a little mid - evil if the situation called for it , but I will never actually hurt you . No broken bones , no scars , no drunken rages , no slapping you around the house . Okay ? " Duncan lifted the boy 's chin until their eyes met . " I promise . " Duncan put a reassuring hand slowly around Richie 's neck . When the teen didn 't pull away , the Scot risked slightly pulling him forward . When he still didn 't resist , Duncan pulled him into a hug . " Now you get ready for bed , okay ? " Duncan suddenly felt his nerves grate . He tried not to let it get to him , but he couldn 't take it anymore . " Richie , let 's think of something else for you to call me . That just doesn 't feel right . " " Now , get dressed for bed then come on out in the kitchen for some hot chocolate , okay ? We need to discuss school . It starts next week , you know ? " " You 're only seventeen . " Duncan smiled . " Yeah , but I got all my credits , and I took a night school course to make up for a class I failed . And my birthday is just later than everyone else 's is . My social worker set it up . She knew I 'd drop out if I didn 't get it over with , I guess . " Richie proudly produced a bound diploma with his tirade of excuses . " See ? " He beamed up at Duncan , his warm blue eyes smiled proudly . " Yeah , Angie 's mom took that . " Duncan heard the tinge of regret in the boy 's words , and he knew Richie would have liked to have had parents of his own there . " Can we show this to Tessa ? She 'll be very proud of it . " " What ! Me in college ? That just doesn 't sound like me , Mac ? " Richie sniffed at the smell of scorched milk . " Is Tessa making the hot chocolate ? " He grinned as the smell permeated the house . Connor sat at the large desk in his study . Duncan perched on the edge toying with a stapler . It had started to rain again shortly after breakfast . Both Adam and Richie had vanished to their respective rooms for a welcomed rest . Joe was working at his laptop in the kitchen . Duncan had been nervously trying to explain the early morning altercation with Richie . As much as he blamed Connor for a lot of his problems , he did value his opinion , which he was getting an earful of . " Duncan , it 's just because he doesn 't know you . He doesn 't remember the way you and he communicated - barbaric as it might be . Give him time . " " Well he doesn 't want time . Do you know what he told me ? He said that he first suspected that I was me . That I was Duncan MacLeod . Now he 's glad I 'm not ! " Duncan stood up suddenly in pain as he stapled his thumbs together . " Damn ! That hurts ! " Connor tried not to laugh as he took the stapler from his younger kinsman and pulled the staple free . " It 's a wonder you haven 't lost your head in a paper cutter . " " I 've managed to hang onto it just fine , thank you . " Duncan sucked at his injured thumbs , first one then the other . " You know how I am with modern contraptions . " " He realized you could be you ? Oh man . " Connor plopped back in his chair . " We 're going to have to tell him the truth . Surely , he 'll understand we wanted him to know you first . " " How can you say that ? Don 't you get it , Duncan ? He doesn 't even remember Duncan MacLeod , yet every instinct in him has been to find you . " " That 's why I didn 't feel his presence . Of course . That 's why nothing clicked that the demon had suddenly become Richie . Everyday for all this time , I have wondered about that . Cursed myself . Hated myself for being too stupid , too slow to react differently . I really did kill the demon , not Richie . " " Bookworm , I figured you would be sleeping the day away after your all night hunting expedition . " " I can 't sleep . " Adam sprawled on the couch against the wall . " Good , then you will sleep tonight and I won 't have to run around looking for you . What the hell did you think you were doing anyway ? You told Duncan last night you didn 't know if you could take him . " " And I 'm his teacher . " Connor came to his feet and went to loom over Adam threateningly . " If anyone is going to fight this guy it 's going to be me . You pull a stunt like that again , you will regret it . I can easily make you wish you were dead . " Adam slowly nodded , accepting Connor 's threats as a promise . Connor gradually stood up and moved back to his desk , just as Richie came in . Adam broke his own trance with a large yawn and slid his lean form outward until he was lying on the couch . Duncan looked over at Richie curiously . He was now operating with a ton less guilt , so the kid had better tread easy , but his heart still wanted to melt . This was his Richie , alive and physically well . The sweet , angelic faced , delicate featured , reddish blond curls he and Tessa had fallen for so long ago . In the flesh . No demonic hallucination , no psychotic episodes . Richie shuffled nervously , mistaking Scott 's silent stare as a threat . " I just wanted to tell you , I 'm sorry about this morning . I know you were trying to make a point and I didn 't need to be such a jerk about it . " Richie took a deep breath as he tried to find the words he was looking for . Adam yawned and rolled sleepily over on the couch with his back to them all , which caused all eyes to avert to him momentarily . " I didn 't mean what I said . Really . " Richie nodded nervously biting the inside of his lip . " I 'm sorry . It was pretty childish . " Duncan nodded his head also . " Apology accepted . " He barely choked out through raw emotion and not the anger anyone else would have imagined was there , including Richie . " Well that was touching , " Connor laughed . " You really shouldn ? t have been so nice about it , Duncan . It did my heart good to see that apology hug , and all the smiling and making up . " Well , that didn 't go so well , Richie thought to himself as he wandered into the kitchen in search of food . Joe 's laptop computer was still on the kitchen table , but the Watcher was no where to be seen . Richie resisted the temptation to see if it had internet access , and went to the refrigerator for a sandwich . When he sat down at the table with his plate , curiosity got the best of him . He looked around to see if anyone was coming . Rolling the mouse with the slightest " accidental " brush of his hand the screen saver went away . " Download complete " , flashed on the screen . " File name : Michaelis " . Without so much of a second thought , Richie clicked the file open . There before him was a complete list of all of Michaelis ' known kills . Profile after profile revealed all his victims were relatively young in appearance and actual age . Michaelis had killed one centurion whose first death had been at the age of twenty during the American Civil War . He had been a little smaller than Richie was . Another guy was eighteen when his tribe was purposely given small pox infested blankets in the early 1800 's . " So , it 's not just age , it 's size . Or he just screwed up . " Richie continued to read . Michaelis himself was 324 . Richie decided he wouldn 't be sending him a birthday card next month . " Joe already had all of this . Why is the file just now being downloaded ? " Richie scrolled past the endless statistics , until he came across current location . As of two days ago , Michaelis was said to be in the Catskill Mountains . His watcher had even provided the address . " Choose your battles , the ground , and initiate the attack . " Richie studied the address on the computer screen until he had it memorized . He knew the cabin . It was located near the back edge of Connor 's property . Richie suddenly felt resigned to what he must do . If he died , he died . Fine , but if he lived and someone else died in his place he wouldn 't be able to stand that . This was his responsibility and he might as well get it over with before he lost his nerve . He went upstairs for his sword . Joe had gone to the study just after Richie had left , to let the MacLeods know that he was downloading a new file for Michaelis . He spent the next hour debating the intelligence of a plan that involved hiding Duncan 's true identity from Richie . He found it ironic that it was now the younger clansman who wanted to keep his real name a secret . " Come on , Duncan , " Connor argued . " He just told you he hadn 't meant what he said . If anything he was trying to get you to admit who you were . " " But how am I going to make him understand why it was a big secret ? How am I suppose to explain to him that the third time I tried to take his head , I actually did ? Okay , so I didn 't , but do you have any idea how hard that will be to explain ? " Duncan spoke in lowered tones , trying not to waken Adam or take the chance that Richie would happen by and hear him . " Sorry , Richie , it 's me Duncan MacLeod , your long lost surrogate father . My hobbies include beheading immortals , opera , antiques , and seeing how many times I can narrowly miss killing my all but adopted child ? I know you can 't remember any of this anyway so why don 't I just pretend it all never happened , too , and we can go off and start a new life together and live happily ever after until the next time I 'm under a psychotic hypnosis , have a dark quickening or your likeness gets possessed by an evil demon . What the hell kind of an offer is that ? " " I was raised Catholic , Richie 's Catholic . It 's got to be more . Because he 's also a self righteous , hypocritical , judgmental bore . " Connor pushed Duncan off his desk . Joe grinned as Adam sleepily turned over . " I wonder how many religions he 's had ? " He nodded in Adam 's direction . " Hey , Adam ? What religion are you ? " Duncan bounded up the kitchen staircase , hollering for Richie . He didn 't really expect to find him in his room and he was right . " Damn , when did he leave ? Maybe he 's outside . " Duncan threw up the blinds in the second story bedroom window and looked out into the surrounding area . Richie was no where in sight . " No , " Joe answered . " He went to visit some of the other tourists . " When all eyes turned on him he continued as he nodded at the computer . " Michaelis ' local address . " Connor looked back at the computer screen . " I know that area . Let 's go . Perhaps Michaelis isn 't there and he 's bought some time . Joe will you stay with Adam until he awakens fully ? Michaelis could come here . " Richie found the cabin empty when he arrived , but he had no doubt this was the right place . He considered trying to break in , but decided it wouldn 't do him any good . All he could do was let Michaelis know he had been there . He contemplated that idea for a minute . Why not ? After all , Michaelis had started this game shortly after Adam had left New York . They had run into each other at the pizza parlor one afternoon and Michaelis had stalked him for several weeks , until Connor had insisted they leave town . Rachel was on a safari in Africa , so Connor decided to close the shop . Maybe he should toy with Michaelis the way he had been toying with him for so long , but how long could he get by with that ? It took perfect timing to manage to escape from Connor for even a few minutes . With reinforcements in the form of Scott , Adam and Joe , it had taken a miracle . The idea was just so tempting , though . Besides , if he tried to wait around for Michaelis to come back , Connor would realize he wasn ? t home . Of course they might still think he was sleeping upstairs . But what if Joe notices the file is already open ? Oh , yeah . They were going to be so ticked . Oh come on , Richie , you 're here to do battle with an immortal . Quit worrying about what your teacher is going to say . After all you 're probably going to die today . Then Connor is going to be really pissed . You 're worrying again . Then it hit him . Yeah , he probably was going to die today . After all Michaelis was far more experienced than he was and a lot bigger . He was actually going to die , yet he still had no memory of what it was he had lived for . But what was his other alternative ? To run ? To be a coward ? He may not know who Richie Ryan really was , but instinct told him he had never been a coward . He couldn 't just leave this fight to someone else . What if Adam had found Michaelis last night ? How was he supposed to have lived with it if his " brother " had been killed ? This was his responsibility . He could not be a coward , and he could not risk letting one of his friends die . After all , Connor and Scott had lived hundreds of years . What a waste it would be to lose them now . Richie Ryan hadn 't even managed to last a quarter of a century . His past was a blank . He could die today and never be missed . Okay , so maybe Connor would miss him . Scott claimed he would , but right now Scott wasn 't exactly at the top of his list , though it would be nice to live long enough to find out if he was really Duncan MacLeod . Then of course there was Adam . Adam had spent a great deal of time keeping him alive . He would be really ticked and probably wish he could kill Richie himself . This new guy Joe seemed to like him too . It really would be nice to live long enough to remember his past and what these people meant to him . Richie awoke to the pinkish clouds of sunset . Where was he ? He was moving along a rode it would seem by the trees that swooshed past him through the window of the car . Why did the view seem so funny ? He felt around him a bit and realized he was laying in the back seat of Connor 's SUV . His jaw was a little sore and he was a bit stiff . Memory flooded back . Connor had punched him . Connor had knocked him out cold and now here he was traveling along in a car along a country road . He sat up with a sudden rush to make sure who was driving . Richie felt a sense of relief as the panicky fear that Michaelis was actually behind the wheel abated . But he wasn 't relieved enough to be friendly . He flopped back down on the seat with a groan and lay there letting the throbbing in his head settle down . " Damn you . " " Maybe a year . Maybe never . It depends on how you use that stubbornness . There will always be some you are never ready for . Don 't let it get you down . " Connor cocked his head slightly and gave it some thought . Finally he nodded . " Maybe , but if he was more like you he wouldn 't be the type to pick a fight . " " No , of course not . It 's just that for as far back as my memory goes I 've been guarded like some fragile object , and secreted around like a stolen one at that . I don 't get it . Why can 't I remember the past ? Why do I have to be under lock and key ? Adam said I was an orphan , so why does it really matter if I know who I am or if someone takes my head ? At least I could breath . " " Yeah and I think you 're being a whiner . Why should no one care just because you were an orphan and can 't remember your past ? What is it that you are saying , Richie ? You think we should all quit caring about you ? " " I just don 't get it . You and Adam have completely changed your way of life because of me . Just because you feel like you owe it to some guy I can 't remember and who obviously doesn 't care if I 'm alive . First Adam , taking me away to live in Greece until I got better , and now you coming out here to - where the hell are we , anyway ? " " Upstate New York . I have an old hunting lodge . I thought we could stay there for awhile . I 'm tired of the city anyway . We can train better up here . Less interruptions , cleaner air - " " Like that matters . We are immortals . " Richie turned on the radio blasting them with the latest Bon Jovi hit . I 'm not going to live forever , I just want to live while I 'm alive . " That doesn 't mean that healthy things aren 't good for us . " Connor quickly changed the radio station and turned it down . " It just means we can recover quicker - and come back to life , of course . Look , Richie , I understand your frustration , but you need to get some things straight . " " Like what ? " Richie turned back to the Bon Jovi station . You gotta stand tall when they 're calling you out . Don 't bend , don 't break , baby don 't back down . " Fine . " Richie turned around in the seat , his back to the door , fully focused on Connor . He sat there with a pouting look on his face . " Give me all your wisdom and insight . " " I don 't believe you did that . " Richie turned the rearview mirror around to look at his jaw . Naturally there wasn 't so much as a bruise left . Connor readjusted the mirror while trying to keep an eye on the road . " Richie , be still . Listen to me . " Richie finally sat still and looked up at him with those blue eyes and baby face . Connor had to stifle a laugh . He was such a kid . " Look , Richie . Adam and I haven 't done all of this just because we felt we owed it to Duncan . We did it because of you . You are our friend and we want to help you . Eventually we may run into Duncan , yes , and I 'm sure he 'll be very grateful , but we have kept you alive for you as much as for us . We happen to enjoy having you around . " " Look , just because you don 't have a memory and you don ? t have an actual family doesn 't mean you have no value . The rest of us know you and remember you . Duncan would be here if we could find him to tell him you are with me . Did it ever occur to you that he might not know where to find you ? " " Well eventually , he 'll have to come back . " Connor tried a quick save , wishing now they had told him from the start that they really had no idea what happened to Duncan . Control the frustration MacLeod . " And he 'll wonder where you are . When he does , Adam will be there to tell him . " " How do we know ? How will we know if Adam finds him ? He doesn 't know where we are . There 's no phone number to reach him at . " " He 'll figure it out . I 'll try to contact him soon . I swear I 'm going to buy him a cell phone . I can 't just go leaving messages everywhere . Michaelis could catch on . " " Richie , she 's sixty years old and has seen the world . She survived WWII . She doesn 't come attached with a permanent - honing device that attracts immortal bad guys . Sometimes , fathers have to let go . " Connor said sadly . Richie wasn 't lost to the hidden meaning behind Connor 's words . That would really suck . How could you raise a mortal child knowing they would one day be older than you and eventually die ? " But , little immortal punks like you can stay around forever if you don 't do something stupid . " Connor grinned . " So don 't do something stupid . " Richie remembered the sadness behind Connor 's eyes that afternoon . He had realized Connor was trying to prepare himself for the eventual loss of his daughter . Connor was a tough guy , but he obviously loved deeply . Suddenly Richie felt like a complete idiot . Connor really did care about him . Connor had treated him like his own son for over a year . And now he was probably going to get himself killed and Connor would end up killing Michaelis anyway . So his death would be senseless . Why was he worried about something as stupid as his honor anyway ? Go home and think about this some more . Yeah , go home . Richie turned away from watching the cabin and went back to the trail . After a hundred yards of cursing himself and alternating between calling himself a coward and an idiot , he felt the buzz . He turned around slowly , freezing in his tracks . |
We met this turtle last year when Kim backed her car out of my driveway and we discovered he 'd been resting under there . I didn 't know where he came from or where he thought he was going , but I knew one thing for sure : He 'd made a big error in judgment and had no doubt realized it by the time we found him . He had ended up here : That 's my garden shed in the background , on the other side of the fence . I don 't know how far the turtle had walked before he turned into my driveway , but once he made that turn , he had to walk more than 150 feet , much of it uphill , to get to where you see him now . And this was as far as he could go . Behind him there was nothing but fence . On his left ? More fence , about 85 feet of it . On his right ? My house , a doublewide carport , then another house . You might think he could have taken a shortcut through the carport , but if he 'd tried to do that , he 'd only have encountered more fence . Except he didn 't . A neighbor came out about that time and saw us looking at the turtle . The neighbor picked the turtle up , carried him to the front yard , and set him down to resume his travels . Or to rest a while longer . Or whatever else the turtle chose to do . Recently it seems as if everything I 've tried to do has been more complicated than it ought to have been - - or taken longer than it should have taken . In order to give you some examples of what I 'm complaining about , I 've been writing this post for more than an hour . I 've written long , detailed paragraphs about contradictory diagnoses and recommendations from a doctor , lengthy delays between communications with another business professional , and the general apathy of too many workers these days . Oh , yes , and why there are dirty dishes in my sink . I can 't imagine why this popped into my head today , but how many of you remember the Jewel Tea Company ? When my children were small and we lived in East Texas , the Jewel Tea man came around every couple of weeks to sell baking mixes , household cleaners , and any number of other items . If I placed an order on one visit , he 'd bring the products on his next visit , and I 'd pay him when he delivered - - usually . The only pocket money I had in those days was the little bit I earned typing transcripts for a court reporter friend while my babies napped . My name wasn 't on my husband 's checking account . Even our groceries were charged and paid by him once a month . So if I 'd placed a Jewel Tea order , I had to make sure to have the money ready on delivery day . One day , when Kim was about two and a half , I was playing with her in the living room while Kelli , about six months old , napped at the other end of the house . I happened to glance out the window just in time to see the Jewel Tea man turn his car into our driveway . He was a couple of days early . I knew I didn 't have any money . It flashed through my mind that he 'd tried to make a delivery one day a few months earlier when I wasn 't home . On that occasion he 'd left the items at the back door and had come back the next day to be paid . I quickly decided that 's what I wanted to happen this time . I grabbed Kim around her waist and ran with her to the back bedroom , whispering to her all the way to be quiet . " We 're playing a game , " I told her . " In just a second someone is gonna knock on the door , and we 're gonna pretend we aren 't home , okay ? Just be very , very , very quiet . " We waited for the knock , and it came . Kim looked at me expectantly , and I winked at her and smiled , putting my finger to my lips to remind her to be quiet . There was a second knock at the door , and that time Kim looked at me and grinned . She was getting into the game . Just when I thought the Jewel Tea man had given up and gone away , I heard the door open . I was shocked , and Kim 's eyes got huge . I clapped one hand over my own mouth and one over hers as we waited to hear what would happen . We both listened intently as the man made his way to the kitchen , set our packages on the table , then opened the door again and left . We listened for his car to start , then waited a little while longer to be sure he had driven away . I carried Kim back into the living room so we wouldn 't wake the baby , then I set her down and gave a medium loud whoop . " Wasn 't that fun ? " I asked . " We 'll have to play that game again sometime . " The two of us had a good laugh together . We didn 't say one word about who had been at the door A few hours later , while I was bending over Kelli 's crib changing her diaper , there was another rap at the door . I couldn 't stop what I was doing , and before I could think what to do , Kim ran to the door and threw it open . I heard her say in a loud , cheerful tone , her words articulated clearly and precisely , " We hided from you in the bedroom this morning . " " You did ? " asked the Jewel Tea man . " Uh - huh , we sure did . " There was nothing I could do but face the music . Holding the freshly changed baby in my arms , I walked back into the living room and pretended I hadn 't heard a thing . So did the Jewel Tea man , bless his heart . I smiled and told him I was sorry I 'd missed him earlier in the day , that I appreciated his leaving the items I 'd ordered , and that I hadn 't expected him so soon and didn 't have the money ready to pay him . He was very nice about it . He said he 'd come early because he was going out of town , and that if I wanted to place an order , I could pay him for that day 's delivery when I paid for the next one . He let me off the hook . I remember some controversy years ago about whether or not the taxpayers were funding the erection of those bridges for the benefit of so few citizens . I don 't remember how that battle turned out , and if I ever cared , I no longer do . Now I just enjoy looking at the pretty wooden bridges . Some of you already know that Kim caught Lucy scarfing up grapes this past Monday , grapes that had fallen into our yard from a neighbor 's vine . And some of you know that grapes are usually toxic to dogs . ( Raisins are even worse , by the way . ) We spooned hydrogen peroxide into Lucy 's mouth immediately . While we waited for the desired result , Kim went outside , cut off all the grapevines that hung over the fence , picked up all the grapes she could find in the grass , and set up a dog fence to keep the dogs away from that area of the yard . She came back inside just in time for us to give Lucy a second dose , after the first one didn 't work . By that time we were worried that my bottle of peroxide , which had failed to work with Oliver , had somehow lost its potency . Kim made a quick run to the drugstore for new peroxide , and just before she got back , Lucy threw up . Just foam , not grapes . More or less as a precaution , Kim called the veterinarian . They told her that four or five grapes are enough to kill a dog Lucy 's size and advised that she bring Lucy in immediately . Kim hung up the phone , and Lucy threw up again : one grape . Knowing Lucy 's tendency to gobble her meal like a TV prison inmate , we were pretty sure she 'd eaten more than one grape , so Kim packed her in the car and headed to the vet . After Kim came home , she discovered another little puddle of vomit , tucked away beside the toy box , that contained four grapes . Apparently the first dose did work , and I missed it . Not that it 's ever fun to come upon unexpected dog barf , but we were quite relieved to find those unchewed grapes . Kim and I tried our best to figure out why the grapes have never been a problem before ; the grapevine has been there for years . We thought maybe it had only recently grown long enough to hang over into my yard , but I have a photo from three years ago that shows grape leaves on my side of the fence . After giving it a lot of thought , I suspect the real reason this hasn 't happened sooner is that Lucy never hung out on that side of the yard before . Every summer of her entire life , until this one , she 'd leave the backdoor , race to the opposite side of the yard , and hang out under the fig tree , where she 'd stuff herself with fresh , juicy figs . ( We cut down the fig tree earlier this year , sadly , because the neighbor on that side was concerned that its roots might soon breach the lid of her septic tank . ) The animal hospital kept Lucy for two days . Her treatment included administration of activated charcoal to thoroughly clean out her stomach and IV fluids to clean any toxins out of the rest of her organs . She came home yesterday , slightly traumatized but with a clean bill of health . Oliver had searched for Lucy for two days and seemed overjoyed to have her back . He , Butch , and Kadi surrounded her and sniffed her unusual , " doctor 's office " scent for many long moments , while she tried her best to find a place where they couldn 't get to her . I talked to Kim awhile ago , and she said Lucy is quiet this morning . She 's sleeping a lot and hiding out under Kim 's desk . My new great - grandson , Owen , turned five months old yesterday . In those five short months he has firmly secured his place in our hearts . He doesn 't know it yet , but he is definitely the king of our world . Owen 's mama is doing a great job of providing the family with current photos . Her digital camera and her photographic skills have moved way up near the top of my gratitude list . ( I cheerfully snagged the photos above from Facebook . ) Yesterday afternoon I was reading in the living room while CNN played in the background . At one point I raised my eyes to glance at the screen for a split second , then returned to my book . But wait . Something jarred my brain . Did I really see what I thought I saw ? Surely I was mistaken . Curiosity got the best of me , so I pressed the rewind button , then the pause button , and voila ! My eyes did not deceive me , and I took a picture to prove it : I 'm not sure when my fascination with elephants began , and I 'm not sure what started it . My mother told me a few years before she died that my first - grade teacher once reported finding me crying despondently in the classroom . When she asked about the reason for my tears , I supposedly replied , " I don 't know how to spell ' elephant . ' " In the mid - 1950s , my family traveled to St . Louis , Missouri to visit my great - aunt Edith . We went to the St . Louis Zoo while we were there , and that 's where I saw the first live elephant I remember . I couldn 't get enough of her . She was so big , and I couldn 't believe our good fortune that we could get so close to her . A chain around one leg was all that kept her in place . I felt sad that she was chained , but kind of relieved , also . In 1965 my husband won a trip to Las Vegas in an automobile sales contest . The best moment of the trip , for me , was at a cocktail party for all the winners and their guests . The star attraction at the hotel that night was a magician , and he appeared at our cocktail party with a baby elephant he used in his act . People dressed up for Las Vegas shows in those days , and as I stood there in a borrowed cocktail dress and borrowed , sparkly - silver shoes , the baby elephant wandered over and checked out my shoes with its trunk . It stayed there for a magical minute or two , exploring gingerly . I 've written here before about paying for the privilege of spending a day " behind the scenes " at the Baton Rouge Zoo , during which adventure I helped to bathe an elephant . That was in the early ' 80s , and I 'll never forget the texture of that elephant 's skin . Her name was Judy ( like my sister ) . The reason I 'm writing about elephants now is that I came across a video this morning that reminded me of both the strength and the gentleness of these massive , wonderful animals . If I 'd been sitting in the jeep with the photographer who shot this video , I might have died , either from the fright or from the thrill of it . But if anyone was going to die that day , it wouldn 't have been the baby elephants ; watch how the adults kept them safe . Last week flew by in a haze of muscle aches and sleeplessness . My muscles were sore because I finally broke down and thoroughly cleaned my messy house . The sleeplessness was partly due to the muscle aches but mostly due to the fact that my granddogs spent the week here , and Lucy wasn 't necessarily tired when the rest of us were . Nevertheless , I enjoyed their company . Oliver , the newest and youngest pack member , is a treat to be around . His joie de vivre is infectious , and he 's definitely the most stable , grounded dog I 've ever known . Nothing fazes him . Kim brought Ollie home on New Year 's Day , not too long after her beloved Winston died . Ollie was a rescue dog . He 'd been found running wild , his long hair matted to the point that he had to be shaved , and his whole hind end was inflamed as a result of a flea infestation . A Shih Tzu rescue group found him in the pound , and a foster mom in New Orleans fixed him up and took care of him until Kim saw his picture on craigslist and fell in love . Nobody knows how long Ollie was on the streets before he was picked up , but it 's obvious he was on his own long enough to pick up some street smarts . He 's very clever . When he wanted to jump up on Kim 's lap but couldn 't get to her because other dogs lying on the floor blocked his way , he jumped up on the other sofa , gauged the distance between the arm of that sofa and the arm of the one Kim was sitting on , and made the leap . His front and back legs were stretched out so far it looked like he was flying . One day last week a violent thunderstorm gave us a little relief from the heat , but it made the other dogs nervous . After one particularly loud clap of thunder , I took inventory of the dogs : Butch buried himself in the tiniest nook he could find in my bedroom . Lucy burrowed between my hip and the arm of the sofa . Kadi stood at my feet and trembled . Then , here came Oliver , racing in from the den and tossing a stuffed hedgehog into the air . Being inside during a storm probably seemed like a great thing to him . Ollie lives for toys . He likes to pull all the toys out of the toy basket in the den , pick out four or five favorites , then carry those into the living room to enjoy them . To a dog that loves toys , everything looks like a toy . One night I walked into the kitchen and found poop - - little - dog poop . By Lucy 's reaction I knew it was hers . Ollie stood beside me as I fussed at Lucy and pointed my finger at the one long piece of poop and the two little round balls beside it . I left the room for just an instant , and when I came back with a big handful of toilet paper , one of the little round balls was missing . So was Oliver . I turned around to see him on his way back into the kitchen , evidently going back to make a second pickup . The missing ball of poop , I noticed , was now sitting perkily in the midst of Ollie 's other toys . We did have one other scary incident . Just before bedtime one night , I gave Kadi her thyroid pill , folded into a mini - marshmallow , and she dropped it . As fast as I moved , Ollie beat me to it , grabbed it and swallowed . The dosage of the pill was for a Kadi - sized dog , three times the size of Oliver , so I called the after - hours vet , explained the situation , and asked whether or not I needed to bring Ollie in . They said no , but I needed to make him vomit . They said to give him hydrogen peroxide , about a teaspoon and a half at a time , every 15 or 20 minutes until he vomited . After talking to the vet , I felt like it was time to call Kim , who was in Baton Rouge taking care of her vacationing friends ' three very large dogs . While she was on her way here , I gave Ollie his first dose of peroxide . Nothing happened . When Kim arrived , Ollie was busily playing with his toys , leaping around and happy as the clown that he is . We gave him a second dose . He licked his lips a couple of times and got an odd expression on his face , but nothing else . We encouraged him to play . We picked him up and bounced him around and rubbed his tummy . Nothing . We dosed him again . This time we could tell he didn 't feel well . He lay down , looking confused and miserable , and we heard a burp or two . But he didn 't vomit . We felt so bad about making him sick on purpose , and we were quite aware that the label on the peroxide bottle stressed that it shouldn 't be taken internally . Kim called the vet again . They couldn 't believe he hadn 't vomited and said to give him three more teaspoonfuls , all at once . Kim asked what we should do in case that didn 't work , and they said getting him to vomit was just a precaution , that the pill probably wouldn 't hurt him unless he had an allergic reaction to it . Same thing went for all the peroxide in his system . The larger dose didn 't work either . By the time we gave up it was almost one - thirty in the morning , and we didn 't know what else to do . Kim finally decided to go back to her friends ' house in Baton Rouge , where she 'd left the lights on when she rushed to come here . I promised I 'd call her if anything changed with Ollie , one way or the other . I must have stretched a hand out to check on him a dozen times during the night , and each time he looked at me as if to ask why I was bothering him in the middle of the night . He never did vomit , and he 's been fine ever since . Today marks the one - year anniversary of my retirement . When I made the decision to retire , five months before the actual date , the only plan I 'd made was a financial one . I 'd given some thought to what I 'd do with the rest of my life but hadn 't reached any conclusions . All I knew for sure is that I wanted to spend more time at home with my dogs . One year later I still have no plans . Maybe that 's the true beauty of retirement . These days , instead of waking to an alarm , I wake up to the subtle flapping of floppy ears or a nudge from a cold nose . My mornings are so much better than they used to be . My days are filled with . . . I don 't know , really . They 're a jumble of all the things I like to do and not enough of the things I should do . The things that need to be done get done eventually , and very few of them have deadlines . At the end of the day I read as late as I want , chapters instead of pages , until my eyes won 't stay open . I go to sleep without worrying about how I 'll feel the next day . Honestly , this year has been like a deep , deep breath of fresh air , and it 's passed about that quickly . I know there 'll be a time when I 'll want more structure in my life , when I 'll feel a need for accomplishment again or a need to contribute my time to something that matters . But not just yet . " Admit it . You aren 't like them . You 're not even close . You may occasionally dress yourself up as one of them , watch the same mindless television shows as they do , maybe even eat the same fast food sometimes . But it seems that the more you try to fit in , the more you feel like an outsider , watching the ' normal people ' as they go about their automatic existences . For every time you say club passwords like ' Have a nice day ' and ' Weather 's awful today , eh ? ' , you yearn inside to say forbidden things like ' Tell me something that makes you cry ' or ' What do you think deja vu is for ? ' Face it , you even want to talk to that girl in the elevator . But what if that girl in the elevator ( and the balding man who walks past your cubicle at work ) are thinking the same thing ? Who knows what you might learn from taking a chance on conversation with a stranger ? Everyone carries a piece of the puzzle . Nobody comes into your life by mere coincidence . Trust your instincts . Do the unexpected . Find the others . . . " - - Timothy Leary She cared for those trinkets as if they were cherished heirlooms , rarely displaying them in public . She stored them in protective velvet sacks , drawing them out only when she was alone or in the company of those she trusted to understand why the simple objects mattered . And as careful as she was to protect the trinkets , so she was cautious about sharing her words , and for the same reasons . LN All rights reserved . Please don 't copy text or photos without my written consent . That being said , you can link to this blog from your site anytime you want . |
Yesterday , I was feeling decidedly lazy . In fact , I went upstairs after a trip to town to change into farm clothes , stopped to check my email , and promptly fell asleep . I woke up fuzzy from my nap and realized I had forgotten to put the chicken in the crock pot . . . . so I went down , fully intending to come up and finish my nap ! My husband followed me upstairs and asked me if I wanted to work with Gib . It was so hot and voggy and I was so tired . . . I almost said no . Me turning down a chance to ride is fairly insane , so it is a measure of the effect last week had on me . I knew if I got up and got active , I would feel better , so out we went . Gib has had such an extreme reaction to mounting , that I really took the time to recreate a bridle , extra pads under the saddle , etc . I took apart two bridles and cobbled together a new one just for him . I still want to use the snaffle on him for a bit before moving back to a western curb bit , so it was a weird amalgam of English and western tack for him . While my husband was holding him , we worked on flexion and desensitizing to the saddle moving and people jumping around him . He really almost needs to be re - started , at least for the mounting bit . Finally , he stood quietly , if a bit tensely , and I mounted and dismounted several times . Once I was in the saddle , I found out that he has a bit more in the way of aids than I thought . He has a tendency to want to run forward and lean on the bit , so the first order of business will be increasing his reliance on seat aids and decreasing the hands . It 's going to be fun ! Everyone else is fine : chickens are laying a dozen eggs or so a day ( 15 hens , 10 of them just starting ) . The lambs are growing huge . My oldest daughter claims her co - worker is " making " her take a kitten ; I did remind her that at 18 , she isn 't taking the kitten , I am . My dogs are rather rotten to any cat they feel is a " stray " , so taking new cats is problematic . This cat is part - Siamese , and I am fond of Siamese cats , but still . The parakeet is looking lonely ; I just need to talk to him more . Always so many creatures to think about . It was a track meet day . A hot , sunny , muggy track day . If it weren 't so exciting a day , I would be crankier than I am . My son came from back in 6th place to win the race , pretty exciting stuff , and his big brother was there to see him and congratulate him - which I could tell made my younger son 's day . Anyway , I am home now , headachy , and way too tired , but I know I should be doing something besides sitting here . Baking , cleaning , mucking out , planting seeds , anything ! I also have to make a call to the previous owner of the mare I sold . She emailed me rather irately that I " still " hadn 't contacted her - but I didn 't even know she was trying to contact me ! I told her I really was too sad to talk about it , but she could email the new owner ( something I haven 't even done out of courtesy ) for updates . But I see a note here from a child asking me to call this person . So , like so many things in life , I need to suck back the ' I don 't wannas ' and pull out the ' you gottas ' to be courteous . I hope I don 't do something like cry . . . . I am really grateful this horse has a person who has the time to really work with her . I am grateful that Gib has a new home that is more like what he needs - lots of love , but not a lot of work until he settles in and feels less scared . I just still feel a bit mournful that things worked out other than the original plan , if you know what I mean . I am going to rest for 15 minutes more than then pick one chore to accomplish today . That will make me feel better , and will probably wake me up a bit . Once I am awake , maybe I will pull off TWO chores ! Due to the unexpected cancellation of our trainer today , we had a work day at work : only one meeting , not tutoring , no classes . That means I was plowing out end of the trimester reports and trying to figure out what would happen with my new classes starting on Monday ! ( I am not so ready , and this weekend isn 't going to get me any readier : track meet tomorrow and Confirmation on Sunday ) . But , all the paperwork - cranking was lightened by two nice things today . One was my son getting a spot in the Driver 's Ed program at the local high school . The other had to do with Gib . I am not sure if I have emphasized how very spooky this horse is . . . but anytime I walk near him in the stall , he is almost instantly on the other side of it . I have to make a rather big production of telling him to , " Whoa , easy there , buddy , " if I want to say hello . Yet , this morning , I was making a big deal of the sheep , scratching Elvis , Dodie , and Minnie under their chins , when I felt a horse breathing down my neck . I was certain it was Ohia , but when I turned around , it was Gib ! He stood there quietly to accept a pat on his neck . It was as if he wanted his share of the affection that the sheep were hogging up . What an excellent way to start the day . Of course , the shiny new morning feeling was worn off when we got to the middle school and my 13 year old could find one sock - fortunately , ( sigh ) he had a sock puppet in the car that he brutally defaced ( literally ) to have another sock . I am sure walking around all day with half a red puff ball nose under the tongue of your shoe isn 't any fun . I felt bad for my 11 year old . It was Pa ' ina day at school : which means water slides and fun stuff in the afternoon to celebrate the end of the marking period . Since she has an infected scrape , she had to avoid the water slide . Very much a bummer . It 's the big young adult / teen night at our house , once again . I am going to make a huge batch of nachos , because I am feeling lazy about pizza dough . I am longing for bed and the sun isn 't even down . Hope all of you had a blessed day . Came home to feed , so I had better get hopping . My 13 year old is in his play tonight ! This is the first one in three years his Dad will be able to attend , as he was home sick this week . I took my 11 year old to the Urgent Care last night - staph infection ( ewwh ) from falling in the tack room . Very yuck . Most survived this rather stressful week : there were just so many different things going on that I was responsible for - more than usual , I mean . Nearly had a tearful moment at 3 : 00 pm yesterday , but rallied and fixed the problem with the pizza delivery to the drama crew , made a start on fixing ( ie resecheduling ) the snowed in trainer who was supposed to show up on Friday to finish our training on Socratic Seminars , and got through the two days of student led conferences ( in spite of ALL the mistakes I made in scheduling panels for the kids ) . . . . phew . Haven 't seen my animals except in the dark for the last three days - until now ! Better get out there and feed and pet and check every living thing . Off to tell my son , " Break a Leg ! " Work was . . . . rather unfortunately horrible . I am in charge of a couple of big things this week and next , and there are so many little details and so many personalities . It was just not fun to have to deal with these things ( after working on some of it for several hours yesterday , a holiday , a sunny , beautiful holiday that had horse ride or garden written all over it ) and teach the last day of the courses for the trimester . On top of that , my identity has been stolen - or at least my debit cards ( from two accounts ) , so I had to visit the police and the banks . The police were ALL out on calls , so I had to go home and wait for an officer , since they were ALL up in my area . I was hurrying up to feed all the animals as it was getting dark and waiting for the officer - he showed up JUST when I got the chicken waterer out of their run . If I don 't hurry to get the waterer filled and back in , Elvis finishes eating and has been known to trap me in the run . I was inwardly grumbling that the officer came at the exact wrong time . . . . and I started toward the driveway to direct him . I tripped in a hole , dropped all the eggs I had just collected ( and embarrassed myself , but hey , that 's normal ) . I know am a bit sore from my tumble , my head is hurting from the irritation of the fraudulent charges on my account , and I forgot something I needed to work on tonight on my desk ( 30 minutes away ) . And , possibly the worst news , the sheep have lost respect for the electric fence . . . . they were out , nibbling on my roses yesterday afternoon . . . . No one is dead or has a tummy ache , so I assume roses are okay for sheep . It 's amazing how much weeding you can do when stuck on the ( cell ) phone waiting for customer service to get their brains in gear . Also pulled the last two daikon - not much root , must be too much nitrogen in the compost . I turn off my work brain when I am at home . It 's a good thing I checked my email and was reminded that I still didn 't finish things for conferences this week . Yikes . I have a lot more work ahead of me today than I thought - so it 's a good thing I spent an hour in the garden resolving my cell phone bill with the poor man ( who finally put me through to his supervisor ) named " Rex " . I seriously doubt that was his real name , but asking him to consider if this problem was happening to his poor mother . . . . well , that got the trick done and I did all my weeding , too ! I have a laundry sink filled with the most giant daikon plant and a baby garlic I accidentally pulled up with the grass . My vegetarian daughter is with friends - so we 're having beef stew tonight . And apparently , stir fry daikon root and leaves for a side dish . I could pull some taro , too and make taro patties . . . . I guess it will depend on how much grading and conference planning I get done today . I would rather be outside ! I am making so much progress with Gib . He is really getting the idea that he is safe here : with his fear decreasing , his willing attitude is coming to the fore . Today , I cleaned the stall without him completely panicking ; in fact , he just kept on eating after an initial tensing up at the sight of the pitchfork and the wheelbarrow . Big change , believe me . But , sadly , I am inside for the duration until an inch thick stack of papers are graded and the conference schedules are made . After seeing how frightened Gib got yesterday , I decided it was time to go back to basics . Today we worked on responding to pressure : lowering the head ( relax signal ) with light pressure on the lead rope , and moving the shoulder away from tapping with the whip . He is definitely resistant on the left , and has trust issues with his head - but after maybe 30 - 40 minutes of me being repetitively annoying , he was readily lowering his head and moving his shoulder over . Then I had my 11 year old step up into the stirrup and then down , over and over until it became pretty blase for the horse . Then she laid on his back and hopped down a few times , and then finally mounted several times . He doesn 't like to move when she is on him - turns into a statue - which is not the reaction when I get on or her brother . I think he has a soft spot for kids , and even though number 3 child is only a year older than number 4 child - somehow for the horse it makes a difference . When he finally calmed down enough to take a couple of steps and release his head - I stopped the day on a good note . I felt like that was productive . He is definitely coming toward me more in the stall , rather than automatically running for the corner . My youngest and her friend tacked up the paint and gave each other pony rides . They also gave their brothers pony rides , which was nice . I am glad one of my four is interested in horses and willing to do the work of learning . I also have had a number of my children 's friends here all day - I think at the moment there are 9 people under the age of 20 ( some quite a bit younger than 20 ) under my roof . I need to go down and make a whole lot of pizza . I wish I 'd started the dough earlier . I transplanted a bunch of tomato plants that were getting too big for their pots . My huge pile of compost is coming in handy . It is a really big pile thanks to the sheep and horses . Quite a lot of it is ready to use , which is wonderful . I was selling it , but have decided I need it more than I need the feed money it provides . Tomorrow , I wPosted by Poor Gib is still very frightened , which prompted an explosive situation when I mounted . He doesn 't buck or rear - he just tries to spin and run away - far away , as fast as he can . Poor guy . Bending his neck to one side and holding him with the outside leg works , but then he stands there and trembles . Once you get going , he 's tentative , but okay . Today , most of what we did was get on and off , on and walk in a tight circle , get off and on . . . . and hand walk all around the property . It 's going to take a lot of trust building until he doesn 't panic when a rider mounts , the poor boy . Probably have to back up a few steps and do a lot of ground work - they seemed to have skipped a lot when he was young . My husband came home early and let the sheep out into the bigger pasture . I came home a few hours later and Audrey and the streaky lamb were out on the front lawn . Apparently , now that Scarlett has moved , they feel that the horse stall is not off - limits , and once in the horse stall , the ewes can just squeeze through the galvanized pipe panels . Elvis was trying to assert his ram - ness but the horses weren 't having it . Well , patient paint was just standing there looking at him - Elvis didn 't know what to do , because he couldn 't reach anything to butt satisfactorily and Ohia wasn 't impressed . So Elvis turned to Gib - who promptly bit him on the head . Not hard , just a warning . Elvis obviously felt that Ohia was better company , because he went and stood nose to nose to him . I am sure it was because I was mentally gearing myself up to do my normal marathon Wednesday , where kids have back to back activities - then the sudden absence of all of those driving commitments meant even though I got home 12 hours after leaving the contrast was so much better , it felt peaceful . I guess that 's like the phenomena of hitting your head against the wall because it feels good when you stop . First , my college - aged child called and said she was at her alma mater with her brother , so there was no 15 mile side - trip to the university . Then , my 3rd child said he had too much homework to go to his Wednesday evening activity . That saved me an extra 60 miles of driving . I actually got a nap in the car while waiting for athletics and play practice to finish . . . . When we got home , my youngest and I visited Gib . I had used a few of those extra minutes saved to look up swayback on Google . I found out how to measure to see if a horse was swaybacked , or just looked like it because of tall withers . Gib 's apparent dip is not swayback - it 's the same ratio as the other horse , but his back is quite long . He is also taller than I thought . He turns out to be 15 . 2 ! I guess I am just used to my monster mare , so he looked small - and his head carriage is so high because he is so nervous , and because of his breeding , a bit , I suppose , so it makes his back look lower . That long back and relatively long neck make his legs look short , too - especially since his head is so far up in the air . However , his walk and trot are pretty lofty , considering . In fact , I was thinking , " Nah , don 't need this horse , " until I saw him trot . I played with him a bit - working on giving his head , lowering at the poll when asked , flexing bending . He is quite a willing guy . He will readily give his head when asked , but it pops back up when you release pressure . I think working on collection and impulsion will help - but that long back will make it harder for him to collect , that 's for sure . Mostly , I want him to move off the leg and seat aids and lighten him up in the mouth . People have just been yanking on him . Now for sheep news : Audrey is starting to snot up again : really having trouble with her nasal bots . I switched wormers and that helped , but she needs it again I suppose . None of the other sheep are having the same issue . All the lambs are getting big - it 's a blast to see them racing around in a big circle and jumping on each other . Hulu is especially tricky : he will sit there grazing peacefully , and then suddenly jump on any sheep that wanders close , fooled by his apparent absorption . Even Elvis is not immune from the tricks of the lambs . Yesterday I got a bunch of eggs , but today , only 4 from the mature hens . One hen is just not laying . I wish I knew which one it was - she 'd be stew . It 's fun to see tPosted by I got 8 eggs from my hens today . Several of them were pullet eggs - those little ones hens lay when they are just starting out . They are adorable , but not so much food . I have buyers lined up when I want to sell them , so it works out to be getting this many - expecting more as they get older . Decided to come home between one round of pick ups and the second round of pick ups . I love it that Gib comes in when the paint does - he is a lot calmer and less afraid today . He is also very gentle with the sheep . Scarlett sure wasn 't - she was always chasing them . Today the sheep decided to make a visit to the horse stall . Ohia doesn 't even turn a hair , and all Gib did was give a small ears back of displeasure . I was missing Scarlett today , but Gib is already stealing my heart . I can 't really be driving home in between picking up kids - it 's too far , too up the mountain , and my car is getting old , but it was nice today . I have a lot of ripe guavas , my tangerine tree is really starting to put out fruit , and the lemon tree is abundant . . . . and there 're more and more lovely eggs everyday . Yup , as I was upstairs dealing with my frustration at having to sell my mare . . . . and my poor gelding was weaving and calling until he was hoarse . . . I followed my usual habit of cruising craigslist for sheep and looking at horses just ' cuz . My husband was looking over my shoulder and we saw a gelding for not much . We looked at the picture ; he was a gray 8 year old , nothing special . Looked a bit smallish , but solid . So my husband called . The people answered , explained they were selling the horse for a friend and they weren 't home , and there tons of people calling because the horse was so cheap , etc . My husband decided he 's pray about it a bit , and I sort of put it out of my mind . Well , they called back . We drove over ( not far ) and took a look at the horse . He was pretty spooky . Someone 's hit this horse somewhere along the line : dogs didn 't bother him , wheeled objects didn 't bother him , even unexpected noises ( he 'd been out in pasture the last 8 months ) were a breeze . But a person coming toward him was scary . He carries his head way up high and his ears pricked ; he 's nervous . I rode him a bit . He was jumpy but not naughty . He has a go and a whoa , but no neck reining , doesn 't move off the leg aids . He 's been banged up some out in pasture - had what looked like a nasty wire cut healed over , but it didn 't get his tendons . My daughter fell in love with him - honestly , slap a horn on the guy and he 's a 11 year old girl 's fantasy unicorn . She walked right up to him and gave him a big hug around his neck . He stood as still as a statue , except for licking and chewing ( means he 's ready to listen in horse speak ) . We brought him home ( no three week hemming and hawing for us ( : ) . My gelding was thrilled - poor pitiful guy was standing at the gate he last saw the mare , weaving ( HATE that habit ) and too hoarse to call anymore . He 'd worn himself out grieving . He took one look at the gray and visibly relaxed . They aren 't close , yet , but they 're comfortable . I figure if the child falls out of love with him , if I put some trust into Posted by It would have been nice if they told me a time besides " afternoon " . Oh well . I don 't know whether to start the week 's baking or go out and do some work in the greenhouse or the garden or just twiddle my thumbs with the horses . . . . and there is always laundry , always , always , laundry . Sigh . I hope my gelding handles this okay . I hope I handle this okay ! Oh , well , whatever I decide to do , I had better be out and about doing it . I stopped at Home Depot to get some pots and bought a few seeds . I need to be better at not impulse buying tiny little packages of seeds . The other day , I bought some aluminum tape at Home Depot and walked out with four packages of seeds . Today I went in for some 5 gallon planting pots and walked out with four more packages of seeds . I could have bought a pound of seeds at a wholesaler for what I spent on a few ounces ! I guess you shouldn 't go into a hardware store thinking of a garden , just as you shouldn 't go grocery shopping while hungry . The aluminum tape wasn 't for a project . My daughter ( in college ) is going to the Prom at her alma mater . Her brother invited her - which is not as weird as it sounds . Apparently , the kids who are still juniors and seniors are inviting their recently graduated friends so the whole big gang can go together . So my daughter is going with her brother , someone else is inviting her boyfriend and her best friend , etc . However , my daughter thinks that going to a high school prom as a college student deserves an ironic statement rather than a real party dress - so the plan is to make a prom dress out of a shower curtain with a tree frog on it , and aluminum flashing tape . We 'll see . If it is a failing ironic statement , there is always a $ 14 dress from Ross . . . . . or Grandma visiting the thrift stores in Kahala on Oahu - where you can get some insanely nice things for a few bucks . One of my mom 's friends bought a $ 400 blouse ( tags still on ) for $ 4 ! You don 't find things like that on the Big Island . I think most of the people here are more of my persuasion : wear things tiNancyDe The first Age Group track meet of the year is tomorrow . It will be a long , long , looooong day . I hope that Coach doesn 't put my 13 year old on a relay team , because that just makes a long , hot day wear out into the evening . If it is hot and voggy tomorrow , like it it today , we 'll have kids passing out left and right . Fortunately , this is my first year not coaching , so I can just be the bystander parent . . . . unless coach needs help out on the field . My mare will be heading out to her new home on Sunday . Feeling sad , but I 'll deal with it . I hope my gelding manages being a single horse again - hope he learns to love the sheep ! They were out in the yard last night ( Baby Girl is quite clever with gates ) and he looked great - walking out without pain . Little Niele ( Ellie ) is starting to call out at feeding time . I hope she is not as loud as her half sister , Minnie , when she grows up - that ewe can belt it out - but she does have a cute little , " Maaaa " right now . The three ram lambs are much quieter . Wish my kids luck - we have the 100 , 200 , and running triple jump for the 11 year old , and the 800 and 1600 and the high jump for the 13 year old . There are about a million heats for the sprints , but the long distance runs are much more sparsely populated . In fact , they usually run the girls and boys together for the mile at least . I have discovered the secret to sneaking into the sheep pen to get to the chicken run . . . . carry plywood . Elvis thinks its a fence , apparently . He comes right up and asks for pets and doesn 't even think about butting . Kind of awkward to carry a flashlight , a piece of plywood big enough to mimic a fence , and the heavy filled chicken waterer and a coffee can of feed , but hey , needs must . Good thing I am good at the whole holding your life in your hands - sometimes I think I have 12 hands . When we were building the greenhouse , my habit of holding on to everything I pick up , developed when I had all those toddlers and babies , became a problem . My husband would say , " Nancy , put DOWN the level before you try to hold that piece up . " Oh yeah . . . . . but then five minutes later there I am with the hammer under my arm , the level under the other , and two pieces of pvc , trying to stand there holding things in place . " Nancy , put it DOWN . " Oh , yeah . . . When we used to live in the city , when my big kids were very small , we lived up two flights of stairs in an apartment complex . I would walk with the kids in the stroller to do the marketing and then walk home and then have to figure out how to get two babies and loads of groceries and a stroller up those stairs . I got creative and very good at carting awkward , heavy , and precious things with a death grip lest I drop anything . I guess the habit stuck with me . I miss laughing . You know that deep belly ache laugh that causes snot to come out of your nose and your stomach muscles a good work out ? I miss that . I haven 't had a laugh like that in such a very long time . I miss not feeling worried deep down at the bottom of my stomach all the time . Even when I am busy and involved and happy in my work , there is still that deep gnawing worry about what is going to happen next , what could go wrong . As if there were two parts of me co - existing rather uneasily . I miss the feeling that all your work is done , there is nothing to do but something frivolous : reading for hours and then talking about the book . . . baking fussy cookies for the intricacy of it , rather than bread because " we gotta eat " . . . . working on a Hawaiian quilt , even though I am very bad at it and have to rip out half the stitches anyway . It 's kind of like the growing flowers instead of food , just because they 're pretty . There isn 't any room for metaphorical flowers in my life right now . I miss that feeling that you are done with your work . That first day of summer vacation when you are a small kid ( when you don 't have to rush out and find a summer job ) and the whole long glorious stretch of warm sunny days and games of capture the flag stretches out in front of you . Heck , I would settle for going to bed at night with the day 's list all done and no big list facing me the next morning ! This is not to say that I don 't have things that I am grateful for now . I am grateful beyond words for my family and for the opportunity to work together toward homesteading . My job stretches my mind and allows me to work with some pretty amazing kids and teachers . I am healthy , strong , and learning new things every day . I am so grateful for friends , near and far ( and the internet to keep in touch with them ) . I am a fortunate woman , all told . There are still things to miss , though . Posted by One of my older hens isn 't laying very well . I know it is the one that is laying the fragile , very pointed eggs , but beats me which hen that is ! Now that the younger hens ( of which I have ten ) are starting to lay , I will have more eggs than I know what to do with - except that lots of people at work want to buy them . The people who have been thinking about the horse have decided on buying her . This has been such a long process , and a painful one , to be honest . I just want her to have a good life , and the sooner that she gets started on it , the easier it will be on me - seeing her out there and knowing she 's leaving just seems more painful than having her gone . It feels like a dream is dying , never a fun feeling , but I need to live my life - and right now , my life is driving kids around , and feeding sheep , and teaching . My life doesn 't include teaching a young mare to behave , or training her to saddle , not right now anyway . Yesterday , for inside chores I made 24 sandwich buns , a pot of potato and leek soup , a loaf of sandwich bread and finished the FAFSA . Outside , I trimmed 6 out of 8 sheep 's hooves and wormed 4 out of the eight ( babies seemed too young ? Maybe someone can advise ? ) and did a quick run through the garden to get the most obvious weeds , and a quick run through the stalls . Tonight , I do need to work on taxes and folding laundry ( the chore that never ends ) . Fortunately , there is enough soup and sandwich rolls for dinner tonight , too . I also have quite a lot of grading , but since most of them are late assignments , I don 't feel the absolute need to get them back right away - you miss the deadline , you are lucky I will even grade it . . . . I really need to do a lot of sheep chores ( feet trims , worming , mucking out ) today . Since Confirmation classes are right after church , most of Sunday is already gone . My husband is gone , since this was the cheap day to fly ( and it is fun to watch the Superbowl with your childhood friends ) , so I need to take my football - y son to my brother - in - law 's to watch with the guys . I could sit here and watch ( and fold laundry ) , but it just wouldn 't be the same for him . Before we head out , I need help catching and holding sheep for all the shenanigans that are going to happen . And before that , I need to start some banana bread to take over , so he isn 't just showing up hungry and without a contribution . I guess I need to get off this computer and get hopping . The plan is to have the two boys hold the 4 x 8 plywood up to herd the sheep in the corner , and then for me and the youngest to go in and dose them up . I probably need the 16 year old to push the ram up against the wall so I can lift his feet to trim . Then I need to chase them out to pasture so I can clean in the pen . All of this is on top of a stack of grading , the taxes / Financial Aid things , and the weekly baking - and the ubiquitous laundry folding . I would lay a bet that I won 't get everything I need done today done at all . Oh , well , one can only try . Thanks , Chai Chai for the " Life is Good " award ! I am going to pass this award along to Beyond My Kitchen Window , because she makes things look beautiful and passes along such yummy recipes and also to Kelly at Mainelyewes because of her inspiring winter projects . There are some tasks that go along with this award beyond passing it along , so here goes . . . . 1 . If you blog anonymously , are you happy doing this ? If you are not anonymous , do you wish that you had started out anonymously , so that you could be anonymous now ? I guess I blog semi - anonymously . So far , the people I have met on the blog have been inspiring and so kind , so so far so good ! 2 . Describe an incident that shows your inner stubborn side . Even though it might have made a lot of sense to move back to Oahu three years ago , I just knew deep down that holding on to this land was important . I am still not sure that I was right to be that stubborn - usually I try to be very compliant - but that 's the path we 're on , so we 'll play out the hand . 3 . What do you see when you really look at yourself in the mirror ? Reading , hands down - but if I had a ridable horse , that would be my very first choice : a long ride . 6 . Is there something that you still want to accomplish in your life ? What is it ? Overachiever - and that is saying something in light of the pressure cooker school I attended in Honolulu . 8 . If you close your eyes and want to visualize a very poignant moment in your life , what would you see ? If I say one thing , I will short at least five people in my life . . . . so I will just wrap it all up with the birth of ALL of my kids . 9 . Is it easy for you to share your true self in your blog or are you more comfortable writing posts about other people or events ? I try to make my life more amusing than it sometimes feels . It helps : ) . I like writing about the sheep and the horses . 10 . If you had the choice to sit down and read a book or talk on the phone , which would you do and why ? Read , on most days - although I do enjoy talking to friends . It is just that , if I am on the phone talking , I feel like I also have to be cleaning . It is just a weird habit . Reading is the most persistent habit of my life , and the one habit in which I find the most comfort , besides being on a horse . Posted by As extra protection from chicken stealing dogs , the chicken run gate is inside the sheep run . Good idea - to keep the chickens several fence layers away from hungry dog jaws . When I get trapped in the chicken run by a protective ram , though - not such a good idea . The chicken run roof by the gate is lower than I am , so I crouched there , exhorting the ram to move away from the gate , yelling for my daughter ( left cell phone in the house ) to come and rattle the magic feed can , and trying to figure out how to distract him in the likely event she couldn 't hear me . Meanwhile , my rooster was considering my bottom as target practice . Trapped between two protective males . My daughter didn 't , in fact , hear me , which is understandable considering the chicken run is behind the barn and a good 100 feet away from the house . Finally , I just grabbed the chicken waterer and put it in front of me . The ram doesn 't like the sound of water in the hand of a human , so I locked the chicken gate behind me - literally behind me - with one hand , backed toward the sheep run gate and as he came charging out , slammed the gate in his face . All that was left was to figure out how to get the chicken water back into the chickens . I ended up dropping it through a hole in the chicken run roof . Which meant I had to reach over fence where the sheep were running around like it was a race course and drop it ( heavy and full ) and hope no hens ran under it at the last minute . Never a dull moment in the mud , I guess . I have been absent from the blog ( and keeping up with other 's blogs ) for five or six days here . I have been having a bit of internet trouble at home and it 's that season again : track and field / tax / scholarship search time . On top of that , February is a rather brutal month in education . Apparently aware of the post - holiday blahs in the classroom , people plan lots and lots of Professional Development opportunities . Between track meets ( much , much longer than cross country meets and involving uncomfortable and frequently long and rainy intervals on hard bleachers ) and Professional Development opportunities , my Saturdays are shot through April . And somewhere in there , I need to do the taxes , the FAFSA , and other scholarship . paperwork . The farm is going to have to fit into the rest of my life , which we all know is a ludicrous statement . Farms don 't " fit in " , they take precedence , often in the form of small ( and large ) unexpected happenings . If I think about everything I would like to be able to do , and need to do , I would start feeling a little overwhelmed . I just need to think how I am going to work through my first period class . The copier quit on me 2 copies into a 10 copy run ( of an 88 page public domain Shakespeare play ) . Working for a school with no textbooks and no money for textbooks makes for some interesting dilemmas when the copier gets a glitch . Time to get creative . . . . On the farm front , the lambs are growing so fast ! I need to take new pictures . I am still back and forthing with the woman who is considering buying my mare . I am still of two minds about it , but considering that all my Saturdays through April are already spoken for , and half of Sundays through May ( Confirmation classes - not only is my son being Confirmed , but one of my students asked me to be her Sponsor , as well ) , it is obvious I do not have time for this horse . I am just so sad about it , having it prolonged like this is really painful . I think once she is gone , I will just " cowgirl up " and get over it , but seeing her everyday is a fresh reminder . About 21 years ago , we moved from a condo on the Windward side of O ' ahu to 7 . 5 acres on the Big Island . We had nothing except a small cabin ( with backwards windows - which shows how clueless we were ) , two small children , and a dog . We got off track with jobs , and loans , and obligations , but we 're trying to make our way back to the original plan , step by step . Our family has grown to 4 ( one who has died ) children , 9 sheep , 2 goats , 2 dogs , a horse , and a bunch of chickens . There is still a lot of learning going on . . . . |
Yesterday , I was feeling decidedly lazy . In fact , I went upstairs after a trip to town to change into farm clothes , stopped to check my email , and promptly fell asleep . I woke up fuzzy from my nap and realized I had forgotten to put the chicken in the crock pot . . . . so I went down , fully intending to come up and finish my nap ! My husband followed me upstairs and asked me if I wanted to work with Gib . It was so hot and voggy and I was so tired . . . I almost said no . Me turning down a chance to ride is fairly insane , so it is a measure of the effect last week had on me . I knew if I got up and got active , I would feel better , so out we went . Gib has had such an extreme reaction to mounting , that I really took the time to recreate a bridle , extra pads under the saddle , etc . I took apart two bridles and cobbled together a new one just for him . I still want to use the snaffle on him for a bit before moving back to a western curb bit , so it was a weird amalgam of English and western tack for him . While my husband was holding him , we worked on flexion and desensitizing to the saddle moving and people jumping around him . He really almost needs to be re - started , at least for the mounting bit . Finally , he stood quietly , if a bit tensely , and I mounted and dismounted several times . Once I was in the saddle , I found out that he has a bit more in the way of aids than I thought . He has a tendency to want to run forward and lean on the bit , so the first order of business will be increasing his reliance on seat aids and decreasing the hands . It 's going to be fun ! Everyone else is fine : chickens are laying a dozen eggs or so a day ( 15 hens , 10 of them just starting ) . The lambs are growing huge . My oldest daughter claims her co - worker is " making " her take a kitten ; I did remind her that at 18 , she isn 't taking the kitten , I am . My dogs are rather rotten to any cat they feel is a " stray " , so taking new cats is problematic . This cat is part - Siamese , and I am fond of Siamese cats , but still . The parakeet is looking lonely ; I just need to talk to him more . Always so many creatures to think about . It was a track meet day . A hot , sunny , muggy track day . If it weren 't so exciting a day , I would be crankier than I am . My son came from back in 6th place to win the race , pretty exciting stuff , and his big brother was there to see him and congratulate him - which I could tell made my younger son 's day . Anyway , I am home now , headachy , and way too tired , but I know I should be doing something besides sitting here . Baking , cleaning , mucking out , planting seeds , anything ! I also have to make a call to the previous owner of the mare I sold . She emailed me rather irately that I " still " hadn 't contacted her - but I didn 't even know she was trying to contact me ! I told her I really was too sad to talk about it , but she could email the new owner ( something I haven 't even done out of courtesy ) for updates . But I see a note here from a child asking me to call this person . So , like so many things in life , I need to suck back the ' I don 't wannas ' and pull out the ' you gottas ' to be courteous . I hope I don 't do something like cry . . . . I am really grateful this horse has a person who has the time to really work with her . I am grateful that Gib has a new home that is more like what he needs - lots of love , but not a lot of work until he settles in and feels less scared . I just still feel a bit mournful that things worked out other than the original plan , if you know what I mean . I am going to rest for 15 minutes more than then pick one chore to accomplish today . That will make me feel better , and will probably wake me up a bit . Once I am awake , maybe I will pull off TWO chores ! Due to the unexpected cancellation of our trainer today , we had a work day at work : only one meeting , not tutoring , no classes . That means I was plowing out end of the trimester reports and trying to figure out what would happen with my new classes starting on Monday ! ( I am not so ready , and this weekend isn 't going to get me any readier : track meet tomorrow and Confirmation on Sunday ) . But , all the paperwork - cranking was lightened by two nice things today . One was my son getting a spot in the Driver 's Ed program at the local high school . The other had to do with Gib . I am not sure if I have emphasized how very spooky this horse is . . . but anytime I walk near him in the stall , he is almost instantly on the other side of it . I have to make a rather big production of telling him to , " Whoa , easy there , buddy , " if I want to say hello . Yet , this morning , I was making a big deal of the sheep , scratching Elvis , Dodie , and Minnie under their chins , when I felt a horse breathing down my neck . I was certain it was Ohia , but when I turned around , it was Gib ! He stood there quietly to accept a pat on his neck . It was as if he wanted his share of the affection that the sheep were hogging up . What an excellent way to start the day . Of course , the shiny new morning feeling was worn off when we got to the middle school and my 13 year old could find one sock - fortunately , ( sigh ) he had a sock puppet in the car that he brutally defaced ( literally ) to have another sock . I am sure walking around all day with half a red puff ball nose under the tongue of your shoe isn 't any fun . I felt bad for my 11 year old . It was Pa ' ina day at school : which means water slides and fun stuff in the afternoon to celebrate the end of the marking period . Since she has an infected scrape , she had to avoid the water slide . Very much a bummer . It 's the big young adult / teen night at our house , once again . I am going to make a huge batch of nachos , because I am feeling lazy about pizza dough . I am longing for bed and the sun isn 't even down . Hope all of you had a blessed day . Came home to feed , so I had better get hopping . My 13 year old is in his play tonight ! This is the first one in three years his Dad will be able to attend , as he was home sick this week . I took my 11 year old to the Urgent Care last night - staph infection ( ewwh ) from falling in the tack room . Very yuck . Most survived this rather stressful week : there were just so many different things going on that I was responsible for - more than usual , I mean . Nearly had a tearful moment at 3 : 00 pm yesterday , but rallied and fixed the problem with the pizza delivery to the drama crew , made a start on fixing ( ie resecheduling ) the snowed in trainer who was supposed to show up on Friday to finish our training on Socratic Seminars , and got through the two days of student led conferences ( in spite of ALL the mistakes I made in scheduling panels for the kids ) . . . . phew . Haven 't seen my animals except in the dark for the last three days - until now ! Better get out there and feed and pet and check every living thing . Off to tell my son , " Break a Leg ! " Work was . . . . rather unfortunately horrible . I am in charge of a couple of big things this week and next , and there are so many little details and so many personalities . It was just not fun to have to deal with these things ( after working on some of it for several hours yesterday , a holiday , a sunny , beautiful holiday that had horse ride or garden written all over it ) and teach the last day of the courses for the trimester . On top of that , my identity has been stolen - or at least my debit cards ( from two accounts ) , so I had to visit the police and the banks . The police were ALL out on calls , so I had to go home and wait for an officer , since they were ALL up in my area . I was hurrying up to feed all the animals as it was getting dark and waiting for the officer - he showed up JUST when I got the chicken waterer out of their run . If I don 't hurry to get the waterer filled and back in , Elvis finishes eating and has been known to trap me in the run . I was inwardly grumbling that the officer came at the exact wrong time . . . . and I started toward the driveway to direct him . I tripped in a hole , dropped all the eggs I had just collected ( and embarrassed myself , but hey , that 's normal ) . I know am a bit sore from my tumble , my head is hurting from the irritation of the fraudulent charges on my account , and I forgot something I needed to work on tonight on my desk ( 30 minutes away ) . And , possibly the worst news , the sheep have lost respect for the electric fence . . . . they were out , nibbling on my roses yesterday afternoon . . . . No one is dead or has a tummy ache , so I assume roses are okay for sheep . It 's amazing how much weeding you can do when stuck on the ( cell ) phone waiting for customer service to get their brains in gear . Also pulled the last two daikon - not much root , must be too much nitrogen in the compost . I turn off my work brain when I am at home . It 's a good thing I checked my email and was reminded that I still didn 't finish things for conferences this week . Yikes . I have a lot more work ahead of me today than I thought - so it 's a good thing I spent an hour in the garden resolving my cell phone bill with the poor man ( who finally put me through to his supervisor ) named " Rex " . I seriously doubt that was his real name , but asking him to consider if this problem was happening to his poor mother . . . . well , that got the trick done and I did all my weeding , too ! I have a laundry sink filled with the most giant daikon plant and a baby garlic I accidentally pulled up with the grass . My vegetarian daughter is with friends - so we 're having beef stew tonight . And apparently , stir fry daikon root and leaves for a side dish . I could pull some taro , too and make taro patties . . . . I guess it will depend on how much grading and conference planning I get done today . I would rather be outside ! I am making so much progress with Gib . He is really getting the idea that he is safe here : with his fear decreasing , his willing attitude is coming to the fore . Today , I cleaned the stall without him completely panicking ; in fact , he just kept on eating after an initial tensing up at the sight of the pitchfork and the wheelbarrow . Big change , believe me . But , sadly , I am inside for the duration until an inch thick stack of papers are graded and the conference schedules are made . After seeing how frightened Gib got yesterday , I decided it was time to go back to basics . Today we worked on responding to pressure : lowering the head ( relax signal ) with light pressure on the lead rope , and moving the shoulder away from tapping with the whip . He is definitely resistant on the left , and has trust issues with his head - but after maybe 30 - 40 minutes of me being repetitively annoying , he was readily lowering his head and moving his shoulder over . Then I had my 11 year old step up into the stirrup and then down , over and over until it became pretty blase for the horse . Then she laid on his back and hopped down a few times , and then finally mounted several times . He doesn 't like to move when she is on him - turns into a statue - which is not the reaction when I get on or her brother . I think he has a soft spot for kids , and even though number 3 child is only a year older than number 4 child - somehow for the horse it makes a difference . When he finally calmed down enough to take a couple of steps and release his head - I stopped the day on a good note . I felt like that was productive . He is definitely coming toward me more in the stall , rather than automatically running for the corner . My youngest and her friend tacked up the paint and gave each other pony rides . They also gave their brothers pony rides , which was nice . I am glad one of my four is interested in horses and willing to do the work of learning . I also have had a number of my children 's friends here all day - I think at the moment there are 9 people under the age of 20 ( some quite a bit younger than 20 ) under my roof . I need to go down and make a whole lot of pizza . I wish I 'd started the dough earlier . I transplanted a bunch of tomato plants that were getting too big for their pots . My huge pile of compost is coming in handy . It is a really big pile thanks to the sheep and horses . Quite a lot of it is ready to use , which is wonderful . I was selling it , but have decided I need it more than I need the feed money it provides . Tomorrow , I wPosted by Poor Gib is still very frightened , which prompted an explosive situation when I mounted . He doesn 't buck or rear - he just tries to spin and run away - far away , as fast as he can . Poor guy . Bending his neck to one side and holding him with the outside leg works , but then he stands there and trembles . Once you get going , he 's tentative , but okay . Today , most of what we did was get on and off , on and walk in a tight circle , get off and on . . . . and hand walk all around the property . It 's going to take a lot of trust building until he doesn 't panic when a rider mounts , the poor boy . Probably have to back up a few steps and do a lot of ground work - they seemed to have skipped a lot when he was young . My husband came home early and let the sheep out into the bigger pasture . I came home a few hours later and Audrey and the streaky lamb were out on the front lawn . Apparently , now that Scarlett has moved , they feel that the horse stall is not off - limits , and once in the horse stall , the ewes can just squeeze through the galvanized pipe panels . Elvis was trying to assert his ram - ness but the horses weren 't having it . Well , patient paint was just standing there looking at him - Elvis didn 't know what to do , because he couldn 't reach anything to butt satisfactorily and Ohia wasn 't impressed . So Elvis turned to Gib - who promptly bit him on the head . Not hard , just a warning . Elvis obviously felt that Ohia was better company , because he went and stood nose to nose to him . I am sure it was because I was mentally gearing myself up to do my normal marathon Wednesday , where kids have back to back activities - then the sudden absence of all of those driving commitments meant even though I got home 12 hours after leaving the contrast was so much better , it felt peaceful . I guess that 's like the phenomena of hitting your head against the wall because it feels good when you stop . First , my college - aged child called and said she was at her alma mater with her brother , so there was no 15 mile side - trip to the university . Then , my 3rd child said he had too much homework to go to his Wednesday evening activity . That saved me an extra 60 miles of driving . I actually got a nap in the car while waiting for athletics and play practice to finish . . . . When we got home , my youngest and I visited Gib . I had used a few of those extra minutes saved to look up swayback on Google . I found out how to measure to see if a horse was swaybacked , or just looked like it because of tall withers . Gib 's apparent dip is not swayback - it 's the same ratio as the other horse , but his back is quite long . He is also taller than I thought . He turns out to be 15 . 2 ! I guess I am just used to my monster mare , so he looked small - and his head carriage is so high because he is so nervous , and because of his breeding , a bit , I suppose , so it makes his back look lower . That long back and relatively long neck make his legs look short , too - especially since his head is so far up in the air . However , his walk and trot are pretty lofty , considering . In fact , I was thinking , " Nah , don 't need this horse , " until I saw him trot . I played with him a bit - working on giving his head , lowering at the poll when asked , flexing bending . He is quite a willing guy . He will readily give his head when asked , but it pops back up when you release pressure . I think working on collection and impulsion will help - but that long back will make it harder for him to collect , that 's for sure . Mostly , I want him to move off the leg and seat aids and lighten him up in the mouth . People have just been yanking on him . Now for sheep news : Audrey is starting to snot up again : really having trouble with her nasal bots . I switched wormers and that helped , but she needs it again I suppose . None of the other sheep are having the same issue . All the lambs are getting big - it 's a blast to see them racing around in a big circle and jumping on each other . Hulu is especially tricky : he will sit there grazing peacefully , and then suddenly jump on any sheep that wanders close , fooled by his apparent absorption . Even Elvis is not immune from the tricks of the lambs . Yesterday I got a bunch of eggs , but today , only 4 from the mature hens . One hen is just not laying . I wish I knew which one it was - she 'd be stew . It 's fun to see tPosted by I got 8 eggs from my hens today . Several of them were pullet eggs - those little ones hens lay when they are just starting out . They are adorable , but not so much food . I have buyers lined up when I want to sell them , so it works out to be getting this many - expecting more as they get older . Decided to come home between one round of pick ups and the second round of pick ups . I love it that Gib comes in when the paint does - he is a lot calmer and less afraid today . He is also very gentle with the sheep . Scarlett sure wasn 't - she was always chasing them . Today the sheep decided to make a visit to the horse stall . Ohia doesn 't even turn a hair , and all Gib did was give a small ears back of displeasure . I was missing Scarlett today , but Gib is already stealing my heart . I can 't really be driving home in between picking up kids - it 's too far , too up the mountain , and my car is getting old , but it was nice today . I have a lot of ripe guavas , my tangerine tree is really starting to put out fruit , and the lemon tree is abundant . . . . and there 're more and more lovely eggs everyday . Yup , as I was upstairs dealing with my frustration at having to sell my mare . . . . and my poor gelding was weaving and calling until he was hoarse . . . I followed my usual habit of cruising craigslist for sheep and looking at horses just ' cuz . My husband was looking over my shoulder and we saw a gelding for not much . We looked at the picture ; he was a gray 8 year old , nothing special . Looked a bit smallish , but solid . So my husband called . The people answered , explained they were selling the horse for a friend and they weren 't home , and there tons of people calling because the horse was so cheap , etc . My husband decided he 's pray about it a bit , and I sort of put it out of my mind . Well , they called back . We drove over ( not far ) and took a look at the horse . He was pretty spooky . Someone 's hit this horse somewhere along the line : dogs didn 't bother him , wheeled objects didn 't bother him , even unexpected noises ( he 'd been out in pasture the last 8 months ) were a breeze . But a person coming toward him was scary . He carries his head way up high and his ears pricked ; he 's nervous . I rode him a bit . He was jumpy but not naughty . He has a go and a whoa , but no neck reining , doesn 't move off the leg aids . He 's been banged up some out in pasture - had what looked like a nasty wire cut healed over , but it didn 't get his tendons . My daughter fell in love with him - honestly , slap a horn on the guy and he 's a 11 year old girl 's fantasy unicorn . She walked right up to him and gave him a big hug around his neck . He stood as still as a statue , except for licking and chewing ( means he 's ready to listen in horse speak ) . We brought him home ( no three week hemming and hawing for us ( : ) . My gelding was thrilled - poor pitiful guy was standing at the gate he last saw the mare , weaving ( HATE that habit ) and too hoarse to call anymore . He 'd worn himself out grieving . He took one look at the gray and visibly relaxed . They aren 't close , yet , but they 're comfortable . I figure if the child falls out of love with him , if I put some trust into Posted by It would have been nice if they told me a time besides " afternoon " . Oh well . I don 't know whether to start the week 's baking or go out and do some work in the greenhouse or the garden or just twiddle my thumbs with the horses . . . . and there is always laundry , always , always , laundry . Sigh . I hope my gelding handles this okay . I hope I handle this okay ! Oh , well , whatever I decide to do , I had better be out and about doing it . I stopped at Home Depot to get some pots and bought a few seeds . I need to be better at not impulse buying tiny little packages of seeds . The other day , I bought some aluminum tape at Home Depot and walked out with four packages of seeds . Today I went in for some 5 gallon planting pots and walked out with four more packages of seeds . I could have bought a pound of seeds at a wholesaler for what I spent on a few ounces ! I guess you shouldn 't go into a hardware store thinking of a garden , just as you shouldn 't go grocery shopping while hungry . The aluminum tape wasn 't for a project . My daughter ( in college ) is going to the Prom at her alma mater . Her brother invited her - which is not as weird as it sounds . Apparently , the kids who are still juniors and seniors are inviting their recently graduated friends so the whole big gang can go together . So my daughter is going with her brother , someone else is inviting her boyfriend and her best friend , etc . However , my daughter thinks that going to a high school prom as a college student deserves an ironic statement rather than a real party dress - so the plan is to make a prom dress out of a shower curtain with a tree frog on it , and aluminum flashing tape . We 'll see . If it is a failing ironic statement , there is always a $ 14 dress from Ross . . . . . or Grandma visiting the thrift stores in Kahala on Oahu - where you can get some insanely nice things for a few bucks . One of my mom 's friends bought a $ 400 blouse ( tags still on ) for $ 4 ! You don 't find things like that on the Big Island . I think most of the people here are more of my persuasion : wear things tiNancyDe The first Age Group track meet of the year is tomorrow . It will be a long , long , looooong day . I hope that Coach doesn 't put my 13 year old on a relay team , because that just makes a long , hot day wear out into the evening . If it is hot and voggy tomorrow , like it it today , we 'll have kids passing out left and right . Fortunately , this is my first year not coaching , so I can just be the bystander parent . . . . unless coach needs help out on the field . My mare will be heading out to her new home on Sunday . Feeling sad , but I 'll deal with it . I hope my gelding manages being a single horse again - hope he learns to love the sheep ! They were out in the yard last night ( Baby Girl is quite clever with gates ) and he looked great - walking out without pain . Little Niele ( Ellie ) is starting to call out at feeding time . I hope she is not as loud as her half sister , Minnie , when she grows up - that ewe can belt it out - but she does have a cute little , " Maaaa " right now . The three ram lambs are much quieter . Wish my kids luck - we have the 100 , 200 , and running triple jump for the 11 year old , and the 800 and 1600 and the high jump for the 13 year old . There are about a million heats for the sprints , but the long distance runs are much more sparsely populated . In fact , they usually run the girls and boys together for the mile at least . I have discovered the secret to sneaking into the sheep pen to get to the chicken run . . . . carry plywood . Elvis thinks its a fence , apparently . He comes right up and asks for pets and doesn 't even think about butting . Kind of awkward to carry a flashlight , a piece of plywood big enough to mimic a fence , and the heavy filled chicken waterer and a coffee can of feed , but hey , needs must . Good thing I am good at the whole holding your life in your hands - sometimes I think I have 12 hands . When we were building the greenhouse , my habit of holding on to everything I pick up , developed when I had all those toddlers and babies , became a problem . My husband would say , " Nancy , put DOWN the level before you try to hold that piece up . " Oh yeah . . . . . but then five minutes later there I am with the hammer under my arm , the level under the other , and two pieces of pvc , trying to stand there holding things in place . " Nancy , put it DOWN . " Oh , yeah . . . When we used to live in the city , when my big kids were very small , we lived up two flights of stairs in an apartment complex . I would walk with the kids in the stroller to do the marketing and then walk home and then have to figure out how to get two babies and loads of groceries and a stroller up those stairs . I got creative and very good at carting awkward , heavy , and precious things with a death grip lest I drop anything . I guess the habit stuck with me . I miss laughing . You know that deep belly ache laugh that causes snot to come out of your nose and your stomach muscles a good work out ? I miss that . I haven 't had a laugh like that in such a very long time . I miss not feeling worried deep down at the bottom of my stomach all the time . Even when I am busy and involved and happy in my work , there is still that deep gnawing worry about what is going to happen next , what could go wrong . As if there were two parts of me co - existing rather uneasily . I miss the feeling that all your work is done , there is nothing to do but something frivolous : reading for hours and then talking about the book . . . baking fussy cookies for the intricacy of it , rather than bread because " we gotta eat " . . . . working on a Hawaiian quilt , even though I am very bad at it and have to rip out half the stitches anyway . It 's kind of like the growing flowers instead of food , just because they 're pretty . There isn 't any room for metaphorical flowers in my life right now . I miss that feeling that you are done with your work . That first day of summer vacation when you are a small kid ( when you don 't have to rush out and find a summer job ) and the whole long glorious stretch of warm sunny days and games of capture the flag stretches out in front of you . Heck , I would settle for going to bed at night with the day 's list all done and no big list facing me the next morning ! This is not to say that I don 't have things that I am grateful for now . I am grateful beyond words for my family and for the opportunity to work together toward homesteading . My job stretches my mind and allows me to work with some pretty amazing kids and teachers . I am healthy , strong , and learning new things every day . I am so grateful for friends , near and far ( and the internet to keep in touch with them ) . I am a fortunate woman , all told . There are still things to miss , though . Posted by One of my older hens isn 't laying very well . I know it is the one that is laying the fragile , very pointed eggs , but beats me which hen that is ! Now that the younger hens ( of which I have ten ) are starting to lay , I will have more eggs than I know what to do with - except that lots of people at work want to buy them . The people who have been thinking about the horse have decided on buying her . This has been such a long process , and a painful one , to be honest . I just want her to have a good life , and the sooner that she gets started on it , the easier it will be on me - seeing her out there and knowing she 's leaving just seems more painful than having her gone . It feels like a dream is dying , never a fun feeling , but I need to live my life - and right now , my life is driving kids around , and feeding sheep , and teaching . My life doesn 't include teaching a young mare to behave , or training her to saddle , not right now anyway . Yesterday , for inside chores I made 24 sandwich buns , a pot of potato and leek soup , a loaf of sandwich bread and finished the FAFSA . Outside , I trimmed 6 out of 8 sheep 's hooves and wormed 4 out of the eight ( babies seemed too young ? Maybe someone can advise ? ) and did a quick run through the garden to get the most obvious weeds , and a quick run through the stalls . Tonight , I do need to work on taxes and folding laundry ( the chore that never ends ) . Fortunately , there is enough soup and sandwich rolls for dinner tonight , too . I also have quite a lot of grading , but since most of them are late assignments , I don 't feel the absolute need to get them back right away - you miss the deadline , you are lucky I will even grade it . . . . I really need to do a lot of sheep chores ( feet trims , worming , mucking out ) today . Since Confirmation classes are right after church , most of Sunday is already gone . My husband is gone , since this was the cheap day to fly ( and it is fun to watch the Superbowl with your childhood friends ) , so I need to take my football - y son to my brother - in - law 's to watch with the guys . I could sit here and watch ( and fold laundry ) , but it just wouldn 't be the same for him . Before we head out , I need help catching and holding sheep for all the shenanigans that are going to happen . And before that , I need to start some banana bread to take over , so he isn 't just showing up hungry and without a contribution . I guess I need to get off this computer and get hopping . The plan is to have the two boys hold the 4 x 8 plywood up to herd the sheep in the corner , and then for me and the youngest to go in and dose them up . I probably need the 16 year old to push the ram up against the wall so I can lift his feet to trim . Then I need to chase them out to pasture so I can clean in the pen . All of this is on top of a stack of grading , the taxes / Financial Aid things , and the weekly baking - and the ubiquitous laundry folding . I would lay a bet that I won 't get everything I need done today done at all . Oh , well , one can only try . Thanks , Chai Chai for the " Life is Good " award ! I am going to pass this award along to Beyond My Kitchen Window , because she makes things look beautiful and passes along such yummy recipes and also to Kelly at Mainelyewes because of her inspiring winter projects . There are some tasks that go along with this award beyond passing it along , so here goes . . . . 1 . If you blog anonymously , are you happy doing this ? If you are not anonymous , do you wish that you had started out anonymously , so that you could be anonymous now ? I guess I blog semi - anonymously . So far , the people I have met on the blog have been inspiring and so kind , so so far so good ! 2 . Describe an incident that shows your inner stubborn side . Even though it might have made a lot of sense to move back to Oahu three years ago , I just knew deep down that holding on to this land was important . I am still not sure that I was right to be that stubborn - usually I try to be very compliant - but that 's the path we 're on , so we 'll play out the hand . 3 . What do you see when you really look at yourself in the mirror ? Reading , hands down - but if I had a ridable horse , that would be my very first choice : a long ride . 6 . Is there something that you still want to accomplish in your life ? What is it ? Overachiever - and that is saying something in light of the pressure cooker school I attended in Honolulu . 8 . If you close your eyes and want to visualize a very poignant moment in your life , what would you see ? If I say one thing , I will short at least five people in my life . . . . so I will just wrap it all up with the birth of ALL of my kids . 9 . Is it easy for you to share your true self in your blog or are you more comfortable writing posts about other people or events ? I try to make my life more amusing than it sometimes feels . It helps : ) . I like writing about the sheep and the horses . 10 . If you had the choice to sit down and read a book or talk on the phone , which would you do and why ? Read , on most days - although I do enjoy talking to friends . It is just that , if I am on the phone talking , I feel like I also have to be cleaning . It is just a weird habit . Reading is the most persistent habit of my life , and the one habit in which I find the most comfort , besides being on a horse . Posted by As extra protection from chicken stealing dogs , the chicken run gate is inside the sheep run . Good idea - to keep the chickens several fence layers away from hungry dog jaws . When I get trapped in the chicken run by a protective ram , though - not such a good idea . The chicken run roof by the gate is lower than I am , so I crouched there , exhorting the ram to move away from the gate , yelling for my daughter ( left cell phone in the house ) to come and rattle the magic feed can , and trying to figure out how to distract him in the likely event she couldn 't hear me . Meanwhile , my rooster was considering my bottom as target practice . Trapped between two protective males . My daughter didn 't , in fact , hear me , which is understandable considering the chicken run is behind the barn and a good 100 feet away from the house . Finally , I just grabbed the chicken waterer and put it in front of me . The ram doesn 't like the sound of water in the hand of a human , so I locked the chicken gate behind me - literally behind me - with one hand , backed toward the sheep run gate and as he came charging out , slammed the gate in his face . All that was left was to figure out how to get the chicken water back into the chickens . I ended up dropping it through a hole in the chicken run roof . Which meant I had to reach over fence where the sheep were running around like it was a race course and drop it ( heavy and full ) and hope no hens ran under it at the last minute . Never a dull moment in the mud , I guess . I have been absent from the blog ( and keeping up with other 's blogs ) for five or six days here . I have been having a bit of internet trouble at home and it 's that season again : track and field / tax / scholarship search time . On top of that , February is a rather brutal month in education . Apparently aware of the post - holiday blahs in the classroom , people plan lots and lots of Professional Development opportunities . Between track meets ( much , much longer than cross country meets and involving uncomfortable and frequently long and rainy intervals on hard bleachers ) and Professional Development opportunities , my Saturdays are shot through April . And somewhere in there , I need to do the taxes , the FAFSA , and other scholarship . paperwork . The farm is going to have to fit into the rest of my life , which we all know is a ludicrous statement . Farms don 't " fit in " , they take precedence , often in the form of small ( and large ) unexpected happenings . If I think about everything I would like to be able to do , and need to do , I would start feeling a little overwhelmed . I just need to think how I am going to work through my first period class . The copier quit on me 2 copies into a 10 copy run ( of an 88 page public domain Shakespeare play ) . Working for a school with no textbooks and no money for textbooks makes for some interesting dilemmas when the copier gets a glitch . Time to get creative . . . . On the farm front , the lambs are growing so fast ! I need to take new pictures . I am still back and forthing with the woman who is considering buying my mare . I am still of two minds about it , but considering that all my Saturdays through April are already spoken for , and half of Sundays through May ( Confirmation classes - not only is my son being Confirmed , but one of my students asked me to be her Sponsor , as well ) , it is obvious I do not have time for this horse . I am just so sad about it , having it prolonged like this is really painful . I think once she is gone , I will just " cowgirl up " and get over it , but seeing her everyday is a fresh reminder . About 21 years ago , we moved from a condo on the Windward side of O ' ahu to 7 . 5 acres on the Big Island . We had nothing except a small cabin ( with backwards windows - which shows how clueless we were ) , two small children , and a dog . We got off track with jobs , and loans , and obligations , but we 're trying to make our way back to the original plan , step by step . Our family has grown to 4 ( one who has died ) children , 9 sheep , 2 goats , 2 dogs , a horse , and a bunch of chickens . There is still a lot of learning going on . . . . |
Not much to report on today , other than we made it to California safely . Jason and I are now at Balboa , in San Diego . The hospital is set up slightly different from Bethesda , so we need to get used to it , as well as all the new people . We 're both tired , so I 'm going to bed early . The flight was actually pretty good , though it was somewhat cramped , it only took a little over six hours . We went to the Marine Marathon today , and got there at O - Dark - 30 this morning . The picture on the blog shows the Iwo monument , where Jason was to meet with Team Extreme . To make the story short , Jason had been up in his chair for nearly four hours when he realized he would not be able to stay for the presentation ceremony , and we came back to the hospital . There was more done while we were there , but I need to keep this blog post very short . I just wanted to be sure to let everyone know what has happened . While I was taking care of some loose ends and doing some packing I received a call and Jason and I are to be leaving for Balboa , tomorrow morning - early some time . I am in a hurry up mode of packing and don 't have much free time now . Once we get to Balboa , we will get settled in and then later this week Linda will be coming down to spend some time with Jason and I . While she is here , her parents - Joe and Jess Lascurain - will be jumping in again to help support her day care . There is actually an interesting story behind that , but suffice to say , " Thank you ! " because without their support Linda would not have been able to do what she has been able to do , over these past several months . There are others to thank as well , like the Pleasanton / Livemore Military Families group , and SemperFi Fund , and Wounded EOD Warriors Foundation - but I can 't list them all right now . Bridgette had to take off this morning , to head home to take care of a minor emergency that happened ; and , now we are set to leave tomorrow . Funny how things happen sometimes . Please keep Bridgette and the kids in your thoughts and prayers , as we all go through these next couple of days of transition . Also , keep all the families of all the military in your prayers , as sometimes it is very difficult for some of them to deal with the issues they have been dealt , and God 's strength is needed . Not sure if I will be able to blog tomorrow , so I 'll say thank you , to all for all your support and prayers , and stay tuned for the next installment . TTFN - Today was another dressing change for Jason , in his room . It went at least as well as the first , and possibly better . We had a bunch of visitors , and because there were so many I 'm afraid I 'm not going to list them all . I 'm actually kind of tired and I need to get up early tomorrow . Jason and I are headed to the Marine Marathon at 05 : 00 so I would like to get some sleep . I hope to be able to tell you more about it tomorrow , so you 'll just have to check out the blog tomorrow . . . ; - ) Bridgette and the girls will be leaving to head back down to Jacksonville . The original plans were for them to be here until Tuesday , but their water heater ruptured and she wanted to get back to the house to get it taken care of . Jason was disappointed but understands why Bridgette and the girls need to go . I 've begun packing , and I need to get a few things shipped out , so I am hoping to have some time on Monday to do that . We get to take one bag each and a carry on item . The bag I 'm taking is pretty big , and it is the same size I have for Jason , so I think I should be able to get everything packed . Thank you , all for your continued support and prayers - we 're coming to the end of our stay at Bethesda , and it feels good . Jason had his dressings changed while he was in his room , and without anesthesia . This is a MAJOR milestone in his overall treatment , as it showed that his wounds are now healing up to a point that they are coming together and the bacterial infections are becoming a much less concern for everyone . Having said that , Jason is still on a couple of antibiotics , and that may be a big reason the bacteria is being kept under control . I was in the room while it was done , so I was able to get a good look at what his wounds look like and how they are healing . It wasn 't too much of a shock to me , as I had seen them previously , and I basically knew what to expect . A quick run down of today was simply as follows . I was over to his room at bout 06 : 00 this morning , thinking that they were going to be coming in early to do the dressing change . They did show up a little after 08 : 00 , so that wasn 't too bad . They were done in just over an hour , and so I was able to get him some breakfast , and then Bridgette asked me to come watch the girls while she took care of some errands . Almost immediately after leaving Jason 's room , he was contacted about the flight home . We had to do some negotiating but it looks like we a couple of steps closer to knowing exactly when we will be leaving ( I need to get some packing done so we 'll be ready to go ) . Jason called me and let me know about the travel , so I was able to tell Bridgette , and she only did part of what she wanted to do . There were things we needed to get moving on , so she knew it was better to come back so I could get busy on the things I needed to do . In my travels , I went and picked up some Taco Bell for Jason , and he had a late lunch . Actually , he had already eaten some food from the galley , and I guess he was still hungry . After eating our " lunch " Jason got into his chair and we walked over to the Fish House where Bridgette and the girls are , and delivered some gifts for the girls that I had been hanging on to . These were birthday gifts for both of the girls and it kinda felt like ChPosted by Today started at Oh - dark - thirty this morning , as we needed to get up and get ready so we could go on the White House tour that Congressman Walter Jones , North Carolina , put together for Jason . It was pretty much the same tour that every citizen can get , if they ask a member of Congress to put it together for them . The big difference for us was that we had the Marines help us with transportation , and once we arrived it seemed like every other Secret Service officer was a former Marine , and therefore they were not only willing to help , they were truly interested in speaking with Jason about his injuries . We arrived at the entrance and even though there was a long line of people , we were taken to the front , and actually the first visitors in today . We took our time and though Jason enjoyed the tour , I think Bridgette had the best time . She is a major Jackie Kennedy fan , and there was all kinds of stuff relating to her . At one point the guests are directed to climb a sizable set of stairs . Obviously Jason is not able to do this , so he and I got a little side tour of the kitchen , and a few other rooms of the White House . It was quite nice being treated as we were , and when we were through we went to have breakfast . The tour began at 07 : 30 this morning , so none of us had anything to eat . When we walked out of the White House I asked one of the Secret Service officers if there was any place near enough to walk to , to get breakfast . He directed us to Old Ebbits Grill . It was a great place , to the point of fine dinning . We got to the front door and there was no way that Jason 's chair was going to be able to get in through the revolving door . The manager , a former Marine ( Viet Nam era ) , asked us to meet him around the side , so that he could get us in and take care of us himself . He not only took care of us , our breakfasts were comped . The food was quite good too , so it was even better . Well , by the time we got back to the hospital , we were all feeling a bit worn out . Bridgette and I got Jason back up to his bed and got him comfortable . Once we were sure Jason was set and the nursing staff was looking after him , we both wanted to go take a nap too . I guess I had it better than Bridgette this time as she also had to go pick up the girls from the day care center before she was going to be able to rest . I woke up about an hour later - I don 't need to take long naps - and went back over to see Jason . Besides , I wanted to get over to see Jason , as Gunny Rick was come to visit with Jason this afternoon . The White House tour and being out kind of took a small toll on Jason , as he was tired this evening . Gunny Rick 's visit was very much appreciated - for those that don 't know , Gunny Rick ( Brad ) was the team lead when Jason was injured . Brad drove up to Bethesda , from Camp Lejeune , and then turning around and driving back down . I think the visit did wonders for both of them , and they will both be life long friends as a result of all of this . I went over to help Bridgette with the girls , since she had to go do a little shopping , and her mom went back home today . As a result I said good night to Jason a little earlier than usual . He was nearly asleep when I left anyway , so everything worked out . It was fun playing with the girls , and I got to see Jackie stand by herself . This is really cool because Stacy 's first steps were to me too ! I guess I 'm just lucky that way . I honestly think Jackie wanted to start walking , but didn 't know what to do , so she just moved her one foot and then sat down . It wasn 't a step , just a little slide , as she sat . I was pretty happy though ! I told Bridgette all about it when she came back . I left a few minutes after she returned and came to take care of the blog , and probably go to bed early . Jason will have the procedure done tomorrow , though I don 't know for sure what time . I 'm not even sure that he will be going to the PACU tomorrow . What I do know is that it goes a great deal faster now , only a couple hours . If he does go to the PACU tomorrow , it will be his last time . Thank you , all for all your continued support and prayers . Jason had a wonderful day today , and over the next few days we will be packing our stuff up so that we can get on our way to San Diego . Please , I hope that no one sends any more mail our way , though if you do I am putting in a forwarding request . Once I have things set up in Balboa I will be sure to publish the new address . Jason has had his last visit to the PACU and anesthesia for his dressing changes . He went today and they didn 't use anything , other than his PCA if he needed some pain meds , and he was okay with it . He actually got back to his room at about 08 : 30 this morning and said he was feeling good and hungry . I went down to the galley and picked up a couple of bowls of oatmeal and raisins . When I first went over to his room I was thinking that I wasn 't going to be eating and then I decided to grab a bowl for myself , once I saw how good it looked . It was good to eat breakfast with Jason anyway . After eating I took off to get over to the congressman 's office to pick up our pass for the White House tour tomorrow . Because of me taking off in the morning - I got back at 12 : 10 - there wasn 't any other time to get down to the MATC . The afternoon was filled with some visitors , both Marine and Army . There was a group known as the Mountain Marines ( sorry no names at this point ) and they left Jason and I a couple of hats ( baseball caps ) for our use . Then General Smith , from the Army , came by and got to visit with Jason , Bridgette and me . They left Jason with a coin and then gave Bridgette and me a pin that we can wear on our shirt or wherever we want . The design matched the coin . Finally tonight was Jason 's going away dinner , sponsored by the folks in PT . There were several people there who were nurses and not connected to PT , and that just made it that much better . Barbara and Tim Brown drove their van and Jason and I rode with them . Bridgette drove herself , so we did end up with a couple of vehicles . It was at a very nice Italian restaurant and the food was pretty good . A few of us had a glass of white wine , though we didn 't drink too much . Jason still can 't have anything stronger than root bear , so it wouldn 't be fair , though he does talk about getting that " next beer . " Most of them did their best to talk us into not going , but it didn 't matter as we were ready to head to San Diego . After the dinner Jason got back to his room and I helped him get back in bed . He was able to stay out for about three hours , and that was really good . Especially considering the White House tour tomorrow . I 'm guessing that one could last four hours or even longer . I will be bringing some pain meds for him , just to be safe . The procedure I discussed yesterday was done today , and Jason got through most of it . You have to appreciate the situation to fully understand . There is still a large portion of his wounds that are , for lack of a better word , raw , and sensitive . Jason was able to get to the " new " table and in the prone position without any issues . He was able to deal with the removing the bandages , along with being moved around from time to time . When they got down to staples , you know the metal ones that are used to hold things in place , after surgeries , well they had to remove a bunch of them and IT HURT ! They used anesthesia to finish their work and got all the staples removed . The doctors came by Jason 's room , later in the day and said they would like to try it again , if Jason was up for it . Jason , being the Marine , said to do it and that he was ready . It should be considerably better tomorrow , and I am confident that Jason will get through the procedure with no difficulties , or unreasonable pain . Then he won 't have to even go back down to the PACU again and it will be done in his room . Lots of visitors today . We had a Lieutenant General come by , with his aid . I got some pictures and they signed the Red Book . The General also gave Jason another coin ( me too this time ) and he remembered coming in to speak with Jason and I in the past . There was a Lieutenant Commander , Nurse Corps of the U . S . Navy who stopped by . The reason she was so important is because she is going to be seeing Jason again after he arrives at Balboa . She left us with her contact information , so if anything should come up she is a good point person to go to with questions . Along with these visitors , there were a few other Wounded Warriors who came by , just to stop in and see Jason . It was one of those " Brother Marine " moments and I think Jason did his best to make them feel welcome , just as they were doing their best to provide positive feelings . It was good for both of them . Finally , Bridgette came by this evening , with the girls and spent a little time with Jason . They stayed for about 30 minutes and then the girls were showing signs that they were tired , so Bridgette wanted to leave to take the girls back to the house ( FH ) . Speaking of visits . I had asked a member of congress , Congressman Walter Jones of North Carolina , what I needed to do to get a tour of the White House . It was arranged through his office and we are going to be going there on Thursday . It will be a self guided tour , and we can take as long as we want , and on the other hand we have to be careful not to exceed Jason 's limits . We went down to the MATC today and Jason did a little work on transferring from chair to table and back again ; and , then he worked on the hand - crank machine . We were there for a little over an hour and then he was ready to get back to the room . Otherwise , not much else done today . Oh , then I almost forgot - Sgt Linderman came by and dropped off some large sea bags ( duffel bags ) so that I could begin packing up Jason 's things - Looks like I am going to be needing to ship a few things home as well . Right now I don 't know how much I can take on the plane , so I need to pack as efficiently as possible , and then ship home what doesn 't get packed . . . sorry Babe , you 're going to see a couple more boxes . . . ; - ) Not much new today , so I 'm going to make this a shorter posting . . . I think . Jason had a pretty good day in the PACU , and both went in early and came back early . I was over to see him in the morning and when they took him down I picked up his laundry and took it to be washed . I need to be sure that he has enough clean close to get through the rest of the week . I may have to do laundry one more time , just before we leave , but that 's okay . I took the clean clothes back over to his room a couple of hours later and while putting it away got the call that he was on his way back to his room . Once in his room I asked him if he wanted anything to eat and he said he would enjoy a Big and Toasty from Dunkin Donuts . Not sure what he see in those , as I think they 're a little greasy , but he likes them . No visitors today , other than Bridgette , her mom and the girls , and the medical staff coming in and out frequently . Dr . Malone did stop by , later in the morning and told us a little more about the flight to Balboa and what to expect . That was all good , but the real interesting thing was about Jason 's visit to the PACU tomorrow . She said that today he looked better than he has ever looked ( she was talking about his wounds and how they were healing ) and the doctors all agreed that it was probably a good time to try a change with the dressing process . Tomorrow they will not be using any anesthetic and see how Jason does . If the discomfort is too great he will be given some anesthetic and do as they have done in the past . If he is able to deal with the dressing change without anesthetic then he won 't have to come to the PACU again . They will start doing the changes right in his room AND he won 't have to miss any more meals . Jason was very much in favor of doing this so I 'm a little anxious to see how things turn out tomorrow . Not much else going on , and I am a bit tired so I 'll call it quits for the day . Thank you , all for all your continued support and prayers . It seems we have made it through the very worst and now we can truly feel like Jason is going on to the next steps in his recovery . It has been a nice quiet day for Jason . I went over to see him early this morning and found him fast asleep . I just let him sleep , as I figured that he must have been tired , otherwise he wouldn 't have been asleep ( how 's that for deductive reasoning ) . The nurse came in at about 08 : 30 and said the PACU had called for him , so they needed to get him ready to go down . Jason woke up a little and wanted to know when he was going to be able to get down to the PACU . I told him they just called for him and he said , " Oh , okay , good . " Then went back to sleep . I told him I loved him and would be back to see him after he came back . He simply said , " I love you too " and squeezed my hand , and didn 't even open his eyes . . . kind of cute actually . He was back before 11 : 30 and he called me to let me know he was back . I asked him how he was doing and if he wanted me to bring him anything to eat . He asked for an Arby 's sandwich , so that 's what I went and picked up . I got a small one for me too . We ate our sandwiches and then I asked him if he wanted to get out in his chair today , and he said he did . About that time the nurse came in and I asked her about Jason 's schedule of I . V . meds . He needed to get an antibiotic that needed to run for two hours , so we would be delayed getting out at least until then . That was okay , we just relaxed and watched some football . The 49re weren 't playing so we just watched for the entertainment of the game . Bridgette , the girls and Yvonne came in a short while after the I . V . was going , and were able to stay for about an hour for a visit . Stacy was eating some McDonald 's chicken nuggets and Jackie was just as happy as could be . Jason 's girls are a couple of the cutest little girls you 'll ever see and they are always happy . Of course I might be a little biased in their favor , but hey , I 'm Grandpa . . . ; - ) When they started to show signs of needing a nap Bridgette said she would take them back to the Fisher House ( FH ) After the I . V . finished Jason was able to get into his chair , and there was only a minor issue with discomfort , and he was able to deal with it . We first went down to the Red Box and picked up a couple movies - Jason wants to watch them tonight - and then we went down to the basement and to the galley . We picked up our dinners and then sat down in the dinning room and we ate our meals there . It would have been better if there were more people around , so I could have gotten a picture or two taken . The place was almost empty . We went back up to the room and there was another game on - Green Bay / Minnesota - and again , it was only entertainment for us . We really didn 't care who won the game . I had been kind of busy most of the day and by 19 : 00 ( 7pm ) I was ready to come back to the Lodge and try to catch up on my email , phone calls and get the blog updated . Besides Jason wanted to start watching his movies so I wanted to give him the time . I came back and now I 'm almost done with this entry . Jason was resting nicely in his room this morning , when I went over to see him , and he looked to be in a pretty good mood as well as feeling good . It was still early so we just talked about some of the little things that were going on . Typically weekend visits to the PACU are a little later than during the rest of the week , and today was no exception to that rule . They finally did call for him at about 09 : 30 and the nurses took him down . The good side is that I was able to get over to his room before he was gone , and the not so good side is that he wasn 't going to be able to eat until the afternoon sometime . Sometimes I feel funny eating when I know Jason has not eaten , and today was one of those days . I did grab an orange juice and that carried me through . When I went back over to see him in his room it was about 12 : 30 and there was a visitor in the room with him . It was a buddy of his from his early days with the Marines , when he was in Dispersing . I could tell that Jason was feeling good and that he had had a good experience in the PACU , so all was good , except that Jason still hadn 't eaten . I asked him if he wanted something to eat and he said Bridgette was bringing him some breakfast . I stayed and visited for a few minutes and then said I needed to take off to go get something for myself . When I got back a short while later , Bridgette , the girls and Yvonne were in the room , and all was good . They stayed for a little while then Jackie started to get a bit fussy and Bridgette wanted to put her down for a nap , so she took the girls back to the Fisher House to lay down . This was actually good because Jason wanted to get out in his chair and go surprise the girls and " visit " them for a change . Jason was able to get in his chair comfortably and in less than an hour after Bridgette and the girls left we were on our way . We walked our way over to the Fisher House and I stepped back while Jason knocked on the door to Bridgette 's room . I think it was a pretty good surprise for all of them , though I couldn 't see the faThere were no other visitors today , and it was actually a relatively quite day , the kind we like . The good news is that Jason is coming back from the PACU feeling much better now , so I wouldn 't be surprised to hear that they may stop the daily dressing changes after tomorrow or Monday . Everything looks like it is healing up . Today started as so many of them do , with me getting up and getting ready , then heading over to see Jason , before he heads down to the PACU . I figured I needed to get some laundry done , and I 'd do that while he was getting his dressings changed . I was feeling pretty good about myself , thinking that I had gotten up early and over to the hospital early , to see Jason . When I just about arrived to his room the nurses all began to tell me that they had already come to get him , and he was down to the PACU . I asked when he was taken and they said about 07 : 15 this morning , so I missed him by about 10 minutes . Like I said , I went over to do my laundry and actually it took me all the time needed to get Jason back out of the PACU . I finished the laundry and folded the clothes and took them all back to my room , when the phone rang . It was the hospital letting me know that Jason was back in his room and he was wanting me to come back . While they were telling me this , Jason calls me , so I am able to disconnect with the hospital and start talking to Jason . Then I receive another call and it is Linda , letting me know that she 's awake - I was supposed to have called her about a half an hour ago but it slipped . Anyway , I tell Linda I have Jason on the line and she says to go and talk with him , then disconnects . I talk with Jason for a few minutes and find out that he would like chocolate chip pancakes and two eggs ( over medium ) . The only place I know that serves that is the Pancake House , so I take off to go get the breakfast ( actually more of a brunch ) . We each have our pancakes and eggs and enjoy our breakfast , even if it is almost noon . While we are eating , Brother Dave , one of the Jesuit Priests we 've gotten to know comes by for a short visit . He always has something positive to say and he is always lighting a candle for Jason , on a daily basis . Brother Dave only stays for a few minutes and we finish eating , and then begin to get ready for getting out and going to the MATC for some PT - Physical Therapy . Jason is feeling a bitNot much else going on today . We had dinner , and then I took off from his room . I had a few things to do , and honestly , he may have not been too tired , but I was and wanted to be sure I was able to get this entry into the blog . I know it is a little earlier than usual , and that is probably a good thing for some of the readers , AND it is going to allow me to hit the bed a little earlier tonight . . . ; - ) I went over to see Jason early this morning , and decided to go a little earlier than I had in the past , because they have started taking him a little earlier and I keep missing him . Well , I got there and he was in his room , and then we proceeded to wait in his room for almost two hours - so much for my figuring out their schedule . It was good though , as he was asleep when I arrived , so I just let him sleep , and when he woke up ( about 15 minutes later ) we just talked about some of the things we need to do to plan our trip out to California . There is a bunch of packing we need to do and we need to decided on what goes with us , and what can just be packed up and shipped via slow mode . Jason went to the PACU and was back again at about 11 : 15 . I was over at the lodge , getting ready to come back over to the hospital when I was called , by Jason , to let me know that he was back . They did the usual dressing changes and then this time they put a little more padding so that he could be a bit more comfortable when he sits up . One of the first things he said to me was that he was hungry and wanted me to just go down to the galley to get some food . I got myself a salad , it was nice as I made it myself , and a nice lunch for Jason . He was happy with what I brought and he said he wanted to get out in his chair shortly after he finished lunch . We finished lunch and started to get ready to get into his chair . Actually , we 're getting much better at this and it moves more quickly , so I don 't feel like we 're just spinning wheels . I helped him sit up in his bed to do an initial test of his comfort level and he was good . Like I said , they had put more padding on and it looks like it worked . He is still feeling some discomfort with the doaner sites , and he was a little nervous , yet it didn 't matter , we were going forward . I got him into his chair and again , he felt some of the tenderness , though it wasn 't so much that he didn 't want to go . We were out of the room ! We went down to the MATC , after stopping a few times to talk to different folks . Some of the people that have come in the past , had come by to say hello to Jason , and I could tell that Jason was torn because he wanted to talk to them , and he also felt the need to get down to the MATC . We visited for about a minute and then excused ourselves . They understood and we were again moving . In the past I have had to push his chair , because usually we were running a little late . Today , we weren 't under any particular schedule , so Jason pushed the chair on his own . The only time constraint was how long he would be able to remain out and in his chair . We arrived at the MATC and Jason immediately went to the hand crank machine , where he worked it for almost 15 minutes . Then he felt he needed to get back to the room and back in bed - he was uncomfortable . Once he was back in bed and resituated to where he was comfortable he quickly became more comfortable and I felt much better too . Once he was ready , I called Linda ( Jason 's mom ) and handed the phone to Jason , so he could talk with her . They talked for about 15 minutes and then Jason needed to get some help from one of the nurses , so he told Mom he would talk to her later . We relaxed some and then he started watching Animal Planet and I started to work with my laptop . The network card didn 't want to work correctly so I finally gave up and told Jason that I needed to get back to the Lodge so I could get some email taken care of . He was okay with that , so I took off to get some emails read and written . Actually I am trying to coordinate a couple of trips we would like to do before we leave , and I need to send the emails out so that plans can be made . Anyway , while at the lodge I am contacted by Bridgette , who had taken off earlier to go pick up her mother , Yvonne , at the airport . Apparently the flight was delayed significantly , and Yvonne didn 't arrive until almost noon . Bridgette then needed to take the girls to get them something to eat . She came back to the base anJason did get a chance to speak with Mom today , a couple of times actually . The first time was earlier in the morning , prior to going to the PACU and then again this evening , after Bridgette , Yvonne and the girls had left for the evening . Jason wanted to surprise Mom with a call , and he did . Problem was that she still had some of the day care kids there , so she couldn 't talk very long . I tried to tell her that it was alright , but she 's the mom and therefore it didn 't matter what I said , she felt bad that she couldn 't talk with Jason without the interruptions . Anyway , that was pretty much the end of the day here anyway , so I told Jason I needed to get back to the Lodge , and told him I 'd come by in the morning . The crazy days seem to continue . I got up this morning and found that there was still now hot water , so I just took a cold shower ( fast too ) and headed over to see Jason . I got over to his room at about 07 : 30 and he was gone ! I asked what was going on and the charge nurse told me that I had just missed him , and that he had been taken down to the PACU . Immediately I was concerned , since there was to be a video conference at about 10 : 30 and that didn 't give much time for any issues that might come up . I then went back to the lodge and at about 08 : 45 I was over to the Fisher House to help Bridgette get the girls over to the day care center . It is a new center and we didn 't know where it was , specifically , I only had a general idea . Turned out to be quite easy to find in building 62 so we were able to drop the girls off there , so we could got to the video conference ( VC ) . Then I got a call from Jason , telling me he was back in his room , which was good because we needed to get him ready for the VC . I went straight up to his room while Bridgette parked the vehicle . She followed shortly after me and when we spoke with Jason he said nothing had been done , and he was to go back again after the VC . Jason was feeling a little tender still and didn 't want to go down in his chair , so Bridgette and I helped him get ready and then on to his prone cart . We still had about 10 minutes before we thought we needed to be there , so that was plenty of time . Kind of funny today , it seemed like a few new people noticed his prone cart today , and he kept getting asked if he wanted a motorized one , and he would tell them that he liked the cart he had . The conference went well , as we arrived right on schedule . They answered our questions and it felt pretty good to know that they are now expecting us to arrive there in less than two weeks . After the VC Jason headed back to his room and now we were waiting on Jason needing to go back to the PACU a second time today . The schedule has been all jumbled up . Bridgette said she needed to leave to take care of a small errand , and as timing goes , about 5 minutes after she left they came to take Jason back down to the PACU . I asked him if he still wanted something from Burger King , because I had found where one was - at least I hoped I had . He said to get him something with a burger , cheese and bacon , so that was what I went shopping for . I attempted to take care of a couple other small tasks first , then went to BK , and picked up the burger . I thought I had used enough time but he wasn 't back yet so I figured I would simply have to wait . That was okay because Denise Edwards had contacted me that she wanted to come out and visit with Jason , and she was at the hospital . She was waiting in the waiting room and we got to talk for almost another hour before Jason showed up . She wanted to let Jason know that there were other people out there , who were not famous or high ranking individuals , who wanted to tell Jason , " Thank you . " She brought a couple of nice gifts for Jason , that had meaning to Marines , and both Jason and I thought they were exceptional . Denise was able to stay for about another 30 minutes , and talked with Jason about all kinds of stuff , then she needed to get going . Jason andPosted by What a day . . . Jason went down to the PACU a little early this morning , and was back in his room before 10 : 30 . I got down to see him off and then took off to run a couple of errands . One of the errands was to check out a Burger King . Jason has been asking for something from Burger King for a couple of months now , and there just don 't seem to be any around here . I have a gps to help me find things and provide directions , so I figured I 'd just use it to get me to a Burger King . I punched in the name and five different locations came up , within 5 miles of here . I had selected the first one , and that one took me to a brick building , that had a laundry mat , a barber shop , and a dry cleaner business . I looked around and there was no burger king , though there was a Starbucks across the street . The second entry said it was only 3 . 48 miles so I was off and searching . By the time I had gotten to the address provided , I had traveled nearly 8 miles . Perhaps their measurements are , " as the crow fly " and not surface streets . I 'm about ready to give up on BK and just have Jason wait until we get back to California , where I know I can find one . As I said , Jason got back at about 10 : 30 and we were going to be going down to the MATC at about 14 : 00 ( 2PM ) . The only issue with that is that at 11 : 00 we suddenly had visitors coming into the room as if they were lined up out in the hallway . Don 't get me wrong , Jason really likes to see visitors , especially when they are folks he hasn 't seen in several years , like today . I just wish we had some way to space them out a little more so that we could get some of the other things we need to do , done . Tim Brown is back from his road trip , and I saw him in the hall way , though I don 't thing he ever made it into the room . Two of the GySgts that Jason originally worked for , when he was in Dispersing came by , and Col . Slocum also came in , since he was back in the area . There were several of the Wounded Warriors who had come by and then there was Sherri Beck from Wounded EOD Warriors , so like I saidWe will be having a conference call with the folks at Balboa ( San Diego ) tomorrow , so Bridgette and I will be trying to get the girls into some short term day care , during the meeting . It is supposed to be available to us , though neither of us has ever checked it out . We didn 't find out about this meeting until later in the day today , so we couldn 't get over to check out the day care center and will need to do it early tomorrow . We 're also hoping that Jason is feeling better and will be able to go to the meeting in his wheelchair ; otherwise he 'll go with the prone cart . In any event , I need to get to bed so I can get up at a reasonable hour . The hot water has been stopped at the Lodge , so I may have to find another place to take a shower - I don 't enjoy cold showers . Today has been an exceptional day for Jason . The news from the PACU was very good ; all of his wound areas are shrinking nicely ; and , his wife and kids arrived today . I 'm not sure things could have been better for him , except that they were . We had some visitors that were special to Jason , and none of them were of the celebrity status or political people . We had a short visit with some of the volunteers who come by to help the Wounded Warriors , and those are always fun . The two best visits though , were from Sergeant Major , U . S . Marines , Senior Enlisted Advisor to the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff , Bryan Battaglia . He was interested in talking with Jason and learning how he could help Jason , and he got to meet Bridgette and the girls . A short while after that George Bowen , a friend from home came by . He 's actually a neighbor of Jason 's Aunt and Uncle out of Pleasanton . All together it was a good day for visitors , and that all made it that much easier for Jason to stay in his bed . The one thing that the doctors told us today was that they are lifting the requirement for Jason to stay in bed all the time . I am going to see if I can get him to head down to the MATC tomorrow . As long as nothing goes wrong these next few days it looks like we will be leaving the hospital , here in Bethesda , on either October 31 or November 1 . This is a good thing since the Marine Marathon in on the 30th and Jason would like to be there , since he is the honorary team member of Team Extreme . Actually since we have told a few people about him being at the Marathon it looks like all of them want to be there too . Well , actually that means that only about another 10 people will be showing up , but that 's 10 more than before ! Our next stop will be Balboa Naval Hospital , down in San Diego . We have been told that the treatment there is as good as it is here and that the folks who are working there were trained here in Bethesda . Well , most of them anyway . . . Jason will be going down to the PACU again tomorrow , early , so I will be getting up earlier to make sure I can get over to see him off . I think he likes having me come and see him off , and it gives me another opportunity to walk over to the hospital - got to get my exercise in somewhere . With him going early it would suggest that he will be back in the morning , since what they have to do is minimal . I 'm hoping that he will be comfortable by early afternoon , and then we 'll head down to the MATC and then I 'll tell you all about it tomorrow , and even some pictures to share . Jason had about the best day yet coming out of the PACU , as he really did look the best I 've seen , in a long time . He is still very sensitive with some of the areas , related to the wounds and graft sites , and all of that is getting better . Initially I was a bit concerned about how long it was taking him to get back to his room , but all that faded away once I saw him and figured the extra time was taken to make him just a little more comfortable . There is always a bunch of activity as soon as he gets back to his room , with the nurse and others coming in to get caught up on all of what they are supposed to be doing and making sure he has all his meds . When all of that was done we kicked back again and watched the Redskins and Eagles game . Neither of us is a fan of either team , so we watched for the entertainment value , and it was a good way to continuously catch the updated scores for the 49er game , that we couldn 't watch . The good news is that 49ers won , even if the coaches wanted to continue the game afterward . The Redskins game was good to watch anyway . Lt . Col . Mark and Caroll Tarter came by to say , " Hi " and Jason was very happy to see them . Lt . Col . Tarter had just gotten back from Germany and wanted to come by to see Jason and congratulate him on his promotion . It is all part of the EOD family and those folks really do stick together better than most groups , and support each other . They were visiting with Jason for nearly 30 minutes when they had to go , as there were others they wanted to stop and see . A little after they left Tom and Carol Hall came by with more greetings and thanks from their church and friends . They brought by some gifts that the people have continued to give , and it has really helped to lift spirits . We all talked for about 20 minutes then they had others to see . Jason will be going back to the PACU tomorrow , and will be leaving early in the morning . That is part of the reason this post is actually coming out a little earlier than usual . I need to get to sleep so I can get over to see him prior to Jason going off in the morning . I am hoping that this will be the last PACU visit for at least a couple days , as Jason wants to get out of the room and do more , so I will be anxious to hear what they have to say . Today Jason had an uneventful day in the PACU , and there was nothing new to report . I was up early to go see him , but they had already taken him down , so I didn 't see him until later in the morning . He will need to go down again tomorrow . With it being Sunday I am guessing that it will be a little later in the day , so I should be able to see him before he goes . I think he likes it when I get to see him off so I do try to get over there . It is now kind of late in the day and I am a little tired . There wasn 't much done today , other than Jason and I watching football on the television . We had some visitors and there was a luncheon provided , and other than that not much was going on . Perhaps that is a good thing . Sorry that there isn 't much to write about for this post , yet I do want to thank you all for all your continued support and prayers . I hope you all have a pleasant evening . Jason had his final visit to the O . R . , while he is at Bethesda . He was taken down early this morning where the doctors did some work with the skin graft and then brought back to his room by late morning . I was able to speak with his doctor and was told that everything looks good and we should be able to be out of here in the next two weeks or so ( there 's a little wiggle room depending on how things go over the next several days ) . The only down is that he has to remain in his bed for the next two days , and really can 't move much . Jason wasn 't too happy about that part , but we are looking forward to seeing Bridgette and the girls tomorrow , as they are supposed to be coming up for a visit . They will be talking about what they need to do to make their next move towards Jason 's rehabilitation . While I was waiting for Jason to get back from the O . R . I spoke with one of the volunteers at the hospital . She told me that there was another family who had recently arrived ( about two weeks ago ) whose son , another Marine , was injured due to an I . E . D . and his injuries were very similar to Jason 's . She asked if I would be able to go speak with them , to try to help them through some of the worries they are dealing with right now . I told her I would , and once Jason was settled in his room I went to go speak with the family . Actually there was another procedure that had to be done with Jason , while he was in his bed and room , so I took that time to go speak with them . They were very appreciative for me spending the time with them , and talking about some of the things they can expect . I also let them know about some of the things their son will be doing with his rehab , as well as some of the new developments I have become aware of with prosthetic development . I probably spent a little more than an hour with them , and was introduced to their other son who is also a Marine , and invited him to come and speak with Jason , Marine to Marine . Not much else to go over today , I did leave out some of the detail , but then I leave out some detail each day . I want to thank you , for all your continued prayers and support . We have almost gotten through this , so please stay strong and see us through the transition to the next step . Today was an amazing day . Jason got out in his chair today , and went down to the MATC to get some aerobic work in , and a little weight training , all of it being from the chair . But , actually , I 'm getting ahead of myself . Since Jason 's last visit to the O . R . I noticed a bit of bacterial growth on his left side . I pointed this out to the Doctors and there was a decision made to wash it of with a special solution , with Jason just staying in the bed - this was yesterday . Today they looked at it and said that it looks better and wanted to wash it out again , then tomorrow they will be taking some scrape samples to the lab to confirm what it is exactly . This was all done in the morning , after breakfast , and actually just a little prior to us going down to the MATC . I was concerned with the attention to this area it was going to be a bit of irritation and Jason wasn 't going to be able to get into his chair . He was a little uncomfortable , at first , then gradually got comfortable in the chair . After we got back to Jason room , about 15 : 15 ( 3 : 15PM ) he was ready to take a break . I was actually surprised at how long Jason was able to stay out in his chair , since he really didn 't have that much in the way of pain medications prior to leaving . I think he is trying to get less dependent on the drugs , as he has been taking them for over seven months now , and his system is becoming more tolerant of their affects on his body ( in other words it takes more to do the same thing sometimes ) . We had a couple of visitors early on in the morning , with the Retired Marines coming by and a visit by the Red Cross volunteers . These people are pretty amazing in that you almost always see them here , and they are all doing their best to see if the patient ( or families ) need anything , and they are always friendly . Then later this evening we got a real treat as Congressman John Garamendi came by to visit . Actually I had contacted his office a couple of days ago and in just two days he pushed his calendar around so that he could get over to visit with Jason . I had actually met Congressman Garamendi in the past , though he wasn 't a Congressman at the time . When he came in the room he did one of those double takes when he saw me and said , " I know you . " And I said , " Yes we 've met before . " So that kind of made it a nicer visit . They stayed for about 30 minutes and we talked about all kinds of stuff , and I think that made Jason feel pretty good . YES , I did get them to sign the Red Book and we took a few pictures that I 'll get posted later . I was very happy to see them , and feel that Jason was please as well . It has been a long day , and tomorrow Jason goes in for another surgery . I am hoping that it is the final surgery , at least before we head out to rehab . The last O . R . visit went well , and I believe that this one will be even better . Thank you , all for your continued prayers and for keeping Jason and all the people in harms way in your hearts . Jason was busy today , though he didn 't have any distinguished visitors . We started the day with a small procedure while he was in his room , where the doctors put some extra dressings on some of the exposed areas . Jason wanted to get out in his chair today and because those areas are a bit tender he wanted to get a bit more coverage on them . Actually , when it came to the time to get out on his chair he found out that there were still some issues with him sitting up so he switched over to the prone cart . Funny thing is that I think the prone cart worked better . Jason was able to do several laps of the floor , head down to the 3rd floor to visit with Physical Therapy , and spend some time with another patient to let him know some of the things to expect . The trip around the floor was pretty normal , except that the wife of the Vice President came to the hospital today , and there were some extra people in the hall way . We did get to see her , though we didn 't get a chance to speak with her . I guess since we made it known that Jason wanted to get out early this afternoon he wasn 't put on the schedule of patients to visit . That 's okay , Jason really needed to get out of his room today , he was getting a bit stir crazy . After making the laps we headed down to Physical Therapy to return a plate to MJ . As it was she was headed over to see another patient , so we delivered the plate but didn 't visit with her too long . Karen Noel was there ( another therapist ) so we visited with her a few minutes longer . The next thing was to go see the other patient who has similar injuries as Jason , as it was requested that Jason talk to him and maybe answer some of his questions . I think it was a good visit and it made him feel better when Jason was explaining things . The funny part was that when we got to his room , it was the same patient that MJ was going to see . Funny how things happen like that sometimes . Jason was on the prone cart for over three hours , and didn 't take any extra pain meds . I was very pleased with this , and felt that he is dPosted by Today was a very good day for Jason down in the O . R . , as they were checking to see how well the skin graft took . I was hoping that we would get as much as an 80 % take of the recent grafting . Dr . Malone said she felt it was 85 % , so as far as I am concerned it was exceptionally good news , and that things are going very positive for us right now . We will have another update on Friday , when Jason goes down again , and if it is another positive report we may be looking at a departure date being set up real soon . Well , the only " high " profile visitor Jason had today was the Congressman from the 3rd District in North Carolina , Walter Jones . The 3rd District is where Jason and Bridgette have their house in Jacksonville . Anyway , it was a nice visit and the Congressman said that if there was anything that Jason needed to let him know . Right now I 'm not sure what we might ask of him , but it is nice to know that he is willing to help if it is needed . Sherri Beck from Wounded EOD Warriors Foundation also came by for another visit , and it is always good to see her . She and her foundation is also letting us know that they are there to help us , and all we need to do is let them know how they can help . Actually , not much else going on today , aside from the regular visits from the medical staff . Tomorrow Jason has said he would like to try getting out of bed and moving around some . This is a good thing , and indicates that all those tender spots are beginning to feel less painful and he is willing to push it a bit . Not sure what all we will do , though I 'd guess one of the places will be the MATC and going to a few of the other guy 's rooms to visit . We understand there is another patient , an Army guy , who has wounds similar to Jason , and the doctors would like Jason to go visit him to help him see that there is a positive outcome from all the treatment that he will have . Please continue to pray for Jason 's recovery and that the grafting continues to show signs of improvement . Thank you , to all for all that you have done - it is appreciated . Well , I 'm sure you all noticed the new picture . It is President Obama signing our Red Guest Book . I wish I could have taken a few more shots , but it just didn 't feel right at the time . President Obama had his own photographer with him , and they told us they would be sending pictures to us - though I am guessing it is going to take several weeks before we will see them . Anyway , the big thing is that the President came and saw Jason . Well , me too , but Jason was the reason he came to the room , not me . It was a nice , though short , visit and I would have liked to have had more time to talk with him , but it just wasn 't going to happen . He had three Purple Hearts to present and I was told he visited 43 other Wounded Warriors . All this was accomplished in a matter of just 4 hours . That really doesn 't allow much time for any one of the guys . Still the President did show sincerity and compassion when he spoke with Jason ( and I assume the others ) and I appreciated it . Otherwise , most of the day was spent just sitting in the room waiting for the President to show up . Jason didn 't feel like getting out yet , because he is still uncomfortable due to the latest skin graft . He will be headed down to the O . R . in the morning , and we 're hoping to hear that all is looking good and we can finally get a more solid date as to when we might be leaving Bethesda . Of course there is also the possibility that the news will be that the grafting isn 't going well and we will be here another month or more . So please pray for Jason 's healing and that the grafting has taken hold like the doctors want . . . and we want ! Jason had another visitor , Theresa Sareo , who came by with a couple of her friends , Ellen and Robia . Jason actually remembered meeting Theresa back in May , and that surprised us ( even me ) because of all the meds Jason was on back then . Theresa is a singer / performer who you can find out more about if you Google her name . She is in the area doing a concert for an Army organization ( yeah , I 'm bad . . . she told me and I forgot ) that is local . She contacted me to see if Jason was available for a visit and I told her to come on by . She brought along her friends and they all stayed for a nice visit . Well , today is going to be a relatively short posting , as not much happened today , and there really isn 't a bunch to report . We had a few visitors , though they were all people who have been by before , so it was good to see them . The Marine Mom 's ( Katie ) came by to let us know they were serving lunch down at the staff lounge . She told us all about her trip out to California and what a great time she had . She was down at Balboa , where Jason is planning on going , and she said we are going to really enjoy it there . Mark , one of Jason 's EOD buddies ( sorry I don 't remember his last name ) also came by and visited with Jason . Actually he came in at the same time Katie did , so when Katie and I walked back down to the lounge Mark stayed and visited with Jason . He was still there when I got back with the food ( sandwiches ) and excused himself as I walked in . He said he didn 't want to interrupt Jason 's lunch , and he is right , it would have delayed Jason eating , so I truly appreciate his recognition of the need for Jason to eat . Actually , prior to Katie and Mark showing up , Jason and I were playing electronic Battleship . It was kind of fun , as we had never played a computerized version of the game in the past . We had gotten about half way through when the visitors showed up , and we didn 't think too much about it , but one of the " features " of the game is that if you don 't interact with the game for a certain amount of time it goes to pause , then shuts off it you still don 't use it . We didn 't know this at the time , so we 'll never know who would have won that game . I suspect Jason would as he was using a better strategy than me , but that 's okay , I 'll take a tie . . . ; - ) The last visitor we had was Melisa Jarboe , whoes husband , Jamie was also injured in Afghanistan , is now at Johns Hopkins Hospital , because of the special care he needs . Melisa , during her first 3 or 4 months at Bethesda got to know Linda and I and she would come around when she needed someone to talk to . Because they are in a different location now she doesn 't get to see us as often so when she had to come back to Bethesda she wanted to stop by , and I think Jason appreciated the visit . She and her brother stayed for about 20 minutes and then went on to visit others . She asked me to say , " Hi " to Linda . The rest of the day was spent either sleeping or watching football . Typically Jason watches Cartoons or Animal Planet . I was in the mood to watch something different , and I knew there were games going . I really didn 't care who was playing ( thought I would have been happier watching the 49er 's - it wasn 't showing out here ) . Jason really isn 't much of a sports fan , at least not as much as I am , so after the half time he fell asleep and slept for a couple of hours . I think it was as much a need for his system to rest , as it was boredom of the game . We were watching because he knew I wanted to . . . He lets Dad choose sometimes . Anyway , that was the day and tomorrow I promised to be over there early , so I need to get to bed and get some sleep . Stay tuned for the next exciting installment of the blog , and don 't forget , I will be changing the name to SSgt Jason Ross next week . Today was considerably better than yesterday , as the pain level was kept down to a minimum and Jason got some extra rest . With the new graft donor site on his back and the grafted wound site he isn 't going to be able to do much moving around for the next couple of days , so its good that it is the weekend . The challenge is that he still needs to " adjust " his position in bed every now and again , and to do that does cause a little pain and discomfort . I 've watched Jason do this a couple of times and I can tell it hurts when he does it , though it seems to be more of an irritation or nuisance than a pain that has to be dealt with . The good news is that in a matter of another day or two it won 't be bothering his anywhere near as much . We had a couple of visitors today . Dave the cookie guy and his wife came by , and they had cookies for Jason . They both commented on how big Jason was getting and that he was really starting to build some muscles back up again . Jason really is gaining much of his strength back , and it is good to see it happen . Jason is anxious to get back down to the MATC , and get more into a regular workout routine and pattern . He is still very much a Marine and wants to be in as good a shape as he can be . Another visitor was the Command Sergeant Major who came by to see how Jason and some of the other wounded warriors were doing . He is Army , and it kind of felt very special that he was offering his help , should Jason need it , and you could tell from his manner and the look in his eyes that he really meant it . I am probably several years older than the Command Sergeant Major and I still felt like I was talking to my elder or something . Otherwise , Jason and I did a few things on the web - yeah , sometimes Jason wants to take a look at a few things on the web and check his email . We had lunch ; it was brought in by one of the support organizations ; and then we had dinner . I went down to the galley and picked up a couple things for Jason and I to eat . Afterward we watched a movie - The Conspirators - a movie about the post Civil War and the assassination of Lincoln . Very interesting and good movie . After the movie I told Jason good night and came back to the lodge where I am able to do the blogging , as I am right now , and then I 'll go to bed . Jason 's time in the O . R . and then recovery was much longer than originally anticipated and then , while in the PACU he was experiencing some significant pain and discomfort . As a result they had to control the pain with some extra narcotics . Well , he has been receiving these same type meds for seven months now and as a result he has built up quite a tolerance to them . Since he had such a high level of pain and since he has such a high tolerance they had to give him so much that he almost stopped breathing , or at least breathing normal . The normal healthy male will have a resting respiration rate of between 12 and 20 breaths a minute . Jason was down to 3 or 4 breaths per minute . His oxygen levels and blood pressure were all fine , it was just his breathing . This rate concerned the doctors quite a bit , I 'm not going to say what it did to me . When I go to the PACU to see how he was doing I found two nurses and three doctors in his room . The nurses were taking turns telling Jason to breath , anytime his rate dipped below seven . Actually , Jason 's lung capacity is such that he can comfortably handle a rate of 8 , without any problem or concern . They were finally able to get the pain under control , and then slowly allowed him to totally wake up , and then took him to the I . C . U . for a few hours , just to be sure . We finally left the I . C . U . at about 22 : 15 ( 10 : 15PM ) this evening , and we got him back to his room . To say the least , today has been a long day for me and I am quite worn down . I will be heading back over to see Jason in the morning , to make sure he gets his breakfast and then I 'm off to renew the contract for the rental car that I 've been using from the Yellow Ribbon Fund . They let me use the car at no cost , but there is still a monthly contract . Actually there is a little more to it than that , and some day I might tell you all about it . Jason 's grafting went well , and the additional durma - layer that was applied all looked good . They are going to let him heal up for a few days and then early this coming week they go and check on how it is progressing . Otherwise there really isn 't a bunch more to tell about what happened today . The Lucases brought some lumpia ( not sure if I 'm spelling it right ) for everyone ( they only made about 600 ) and I got a few for Jason , as well has having some for myself - they were excellent . Carol Tarter was also helping with this , and they all came by to see how Jason was doing , and both Jason and I really appreciate it . . . especially the lumpia . I am going to sign off now , as I am tired , and I want to be able to get up early tomorrow . Today was another good day for Jason as he went to the MATC and had some work done on his hand and arm by way of electrical stimulation . They determined that there was probably damage with the ulnar nerve and that he would probably be looking at surgery in the next couple of months to get it corrected . Of course that surgery won 't be a factor in when we leave this hospital , it 's just good to know that he will be needing surgery again in the near future . Speaking of surgery , tomorrow Jason will be headed down to the O . R . where they are going to be doing some skin grafting as well as applying some of the durma - layer on his wounds . If this all works then it will be the last surgery he has to have before leaving Bethesda . If it doesn 't work then all bets are off and we could be here for another few weeks . Today at the MATC Jason did some work on strengthening his core muscles , with a big focus on him learning his balance , or I should say his new balance . We need to get working on his ability to transfer from bed to chair and chair to bed , and anywhere else he is going to need to transfer . The challenge is associated with all the stuff that is still on going with his wound recovery . Once they have the wound vac removed and the bandages either gone or at least down to a minimum , Jason should be able to move around much more easily . As far as visitors today , we saw a few folks from the different support organizations , and it is always good to see them . Especially when Sherry brings by some of that zucchini bread she makes . There was one special visitor today , and he was a Sergeant First Class , from the Army . Some of you may recognize the name Leroy Petry , and know why he is considered a special visitor , and for the rest of you who don 't , he is a recipient of the Congressional Medal of Honor . It was awarded to him in July of this year , for actions that took place in 2008 . He lost his right hand and part of his arm as a result of his actions ( along with other wounds ) and it saved the lives of his men . He is actually a pretty cool guy and came in to visit Jason with another friend , named Jess . Jess is also a double amputee from above the knee . The three of them had a bunch to talk about since they all have things in common . The picture at the top of the blog is the three of them a few moments before they had to leave . Because Jason is going in early tomorrow , for surgery I probably won 't see him , as they tend to take the guys into surgery earlier than when they go to the PACU . Thank you , for all your continued prayers and please keep the doctors and all the other medical staff in your hearts . Ask for guidance and knowledge to do the right things . Today was a nice busy day for Jason , for multiple reasons . There was a medical procedure done ; there were several visitors ; and , he had appointments with a couple of PT areas . The good side was that it made the day go by more quickly , and the down side was that we kind of missed lunch . Jason and I had oatmeal and raisins again this morning , and I brought over my dirty laundry to wash ( the hospital actually has a new washer and dryer available for the families to use ) along with washing some of Jason 's clothes . The doing of the washing wasn 't really much of an issue , except that I had to keep track of the time so that I didn 't tie up the machines needlessly . On the surface that doesn 't sound too bad , except that once I got started it seemed to send out a signal that visitors needed to start coming by . Br . Gen Tom Jones ( ret . ) came bay and stopped to have a short visit with Jason . Right after he left another group of retired Marines came in and spent a little more time with us , and then as they left we got another group who just wanted to stop and say , " Hi ! " Finally , after that one of the medical teams , who is responsible for the " pic " - line that Jason has came in and said they needed to get a new one in place . Actually this took us right up to about 12 : 30 when Jason needed to start getting ready to head to the MATC and get some work with the new therapist there . Her name is Bo and she runs a pretty tight ship , so we didn 't want to be late , or at least no later than we had to be . I helped Jason get dressed as quickly as we could , and then in to his chair . Fortunately when we arrived at the MATC she was already working with another patient so she just sent us over to a mat - table to get set up . Actually she was pretty busy , because once she did come over and worked with Jason for a few minutes she handed him off to Bob , so she could go yet to another patient . Anyway , Jason had a real good work out and worked on a couple of new exercises to help him learn his new balance . I think it will also be something he eventuallyThank you , for all your support and prayers for Jason , he 's getting stronger all the time and all we see on the horizon is positive direction . Okay , I finally sat down and took the time to figure out what I wanted to do with the photos . I did a test and it worked for me , but then again , I am the owner . Please check it out and let me know if you were able or unable to get to the pictures . The photo album is immediately below the pictures on the right . Today was a good day for Jason in the PACU , where he had his dressings changed . He came back a little uncomfortable , as there was an attempt at changing how they had some of the bandages , and it seems to have back - fired . Actually , I think it will be just a matter of time before he gets used to it , as he is considerably more comfortable than he was this morning . Dr . Malone came in to visit with Jason this morning and the conversation quickly went to how the staff was doing and taking care of Jason . Jason provided some feed back and pointed out a couple of places where he thought improvements could be made . As it turned out one of those " places " was a bit of a hot button for Dr . Malone and she went out to find out who and why things had happened to Jason ( since it was in his room , it was something that happened to him as opposed to the entire floor ) . It took a little time , but not much , and then Dr . Malone was back in with an explanation about what happened ; the person who was " guilty " of the activity ; and , importantly , an apology for the actions . It was much more than what Jason had expected , as he was only attempting to help improve the professionalism . I 'm not going to talk about what happened to cause the action , the purpose of this little explanation was to show how important it is to the staff to make sure things are right . Jason had an appointment with a hand and nerve specialist this afternoon . We were able to get there at just about the exact time of the appointment . We had to coordinate with Trista , his occupational therapist , since she set up the appointment . She was there ahead of us , and effectively checked Jason in so we just walked right in . The guy we saw was a Lt . Col . and I honestly don 't recall if he is a doctor or just a VERY good therapist . He was going over a bunch of different things about Jason 's hand and explaining what he thought needed to be done . He is working with the other doctors ( the guys Jason will be seeing on Thursday ) so that he will get the results and prepare a treatment specifically for Jason . There is good news in that he was saying similar things about the prognosis of his right hand getting better , and that was good news . Today was a good day for Jason , despite the elevated pain levels earlier in the day . He is sleeping well now and is continuing to heal . We don 't have the PACU in the morning , so we 'll probably get out on the cart , and maybe the chair , and head on down to the MATC for some vigorous PT tomorrow . One last thing , I had a talk with Jason and he said he would rather the blog stated Staff Sargent , so in the next few days I will provide reminders that the name is changing , and then next week it will go to http : / / SsgtJasonRoss . blogspot . com . Thank you , all for your continued prayers and support , and please keep all the others in your hearts as well . Sorry for the delayed post , and the lack of photos . Due to a few technical difficulties I was not able to get them to the blog yesterday . Will work on it today . The new picture on the blog is me and Lt . Col . Tarter 's wife ( she was there representing him ) pinned the new rank on Jason . Lt . Col . Tarter and MGySgt Todd are out of the country , so were not able to attend . Today was an exceptional day for Jason , with all the attention that was given him for being promoted to Staff Sargent . His ceremony was today and his room was packed ( we didn 't have any other place set up for doing this , so we just did it in his room ) . Sgt Linderman got him a blouse ( that 's what the Marines call their uniform shirts ) so he could have the rank pinned on . None of his own uniforms are here with him , so even though it was a borrowed uniform it worked for this purpose . Jason and I went down to the barber , where he got a hair cut , because he wanted to look like a Marine for the pictures , and he did . The room was packed , as I said earlier , though none of his EOD brothers were able to make it , since we weren 't able to let them know with enough time to get here . On the plus side , Col . Tarter 's wife , Carol , was here so she pinned on one of his new chevrons and I got the honor of pinning on the other . Lots of pictures were taken , and I hope you are able to see them on my Picasa account , along with some other photos . Today started with me coming over and Jason and I having breakfast . He wanted to get his hair cut , so this morning he got into his chair and we headed down to Main Street , where the barber shop is located , here in the hospital . We then headed over to the uniform shop where he picked up his new rank chevrons ( he wanted to be sure he had some ) and then we headed on back up . At this point we still had not heard for sure that the ceremony was going to take place today , only that it would probably take place . I had asked a couple of the liaison Marines to see if they could follow up and let us know , so we could plan something . Shortly after we came back to Jason 's room we were given the notice that it was today , and that Lt . Col . Wall would be coming over to present it to Jason . That 's when it got kind of weird . . . about every 15 minutes we were getting visitors who were just stopping by and asking if it was going to be today , and where . We kept telling them that it was and would be in this room . EvenPosted by Today was a nice relaxed day for Jason , as there was no real plan for us to do anything , other than get out on his prone cart , sometime today . My daily routine , for the past few weeks , has been to bring a few bottles of water over to Jason - he still likes bottled water over their " filtered " water , and then , if he 's in his room , go get some breakfast for the both of us . Today I went down and got some oatmeal with raisins and brown sugar , same as yesterday ( the oatmeal here is really pretty good ) . After breakfast , Dr . Malone came in and had a nice little visit with Jason and a quick check to make sure he was doing okay , and to answer any questions if there were any . No questions today , so she only stayed for a few minutes and then went to go see another patient . Shortly after she was gone I asked Jason if he would like to get out on his cart , and get some exercise . The funny thing about getting ready for either his chair or his cart , something always comes up that extends our stay in the room , and today was no different . Once Jason was dressed and comfortable I went out to get the prone cart , and asked one of the staff to assist in helping him to get on to the cart . The great thing is that Jason is just about totally independent about getting on to the cart , and all we ( there are always at least two of us holding the cart ) do is just stand there , making sure the cart does not move . Jason took off for his 5 - lap tour of the fourth floor . There were a few other folks on the floor , though none of them ever were in the way of Jason 's progress . On the first few laps of the floor I noticed this one patient , who was in his room , by himself , and looked like he was bored . I asked Jason if he would like to stop by and visit one of the other patients and he said he would . We stopped by and asked if he would like company and he said most definitely . His name is Colonel Slocum of the Virginia Air National Guard , and he was in because of an injury that was being corrected . We stayed and talked for about 15 - 20 minutes , exchanged some contact information and then we went on our way . I came back a few minutes later and had him sign the visitor log . We got Jason back in to his bed and got him hooked back up to his PCA , as his pain management needed to get taken care of . The big difference for this trip was that Jason went out without his usual " push " of pain meds , and he did alright . I was quite happy about this . . . Another visitor was CWO Timberly Palumbo , another EOD tech . She had just gotten back from Afghanistan and Col . Tarter 's wife wanted to bring her around to visit with some of the patients here . She and Jason hit it off pretty well , since they both speak EOD , and had Afghanistan in common . They stayed for about 20 minutes and then needed to get on their way , and yes I got a picture and had her sign the Red Book . Right after they left a visitor from the UFC came by to visit , so we had back to back visitors today . The fighter 's name was Stephen , and he was here with his trainer . I had them sign the Red Book , and I got pictures of them with Jason , and then Stephen asked for Jason 's contact email , so he could stay in touch . He wanted to know that Jason was doing okay , and that if there were anything that Jason needed , he wanted to be able to help with it , if he could . For lunch today we had food from the galley , and then for dinner Jason wanted Popeye 's , so I went off and bought it for him . It worked out because I also needed to go pickup some bleach for washing anyway , and Popeye 's is real close to the Target that I go to . After dinner , Jason went to sleep , and slept pretty well , as he had a very active day , especially for a Sunday . Tomorrow is a big day for him and we need to get down to the barber shop early , so him going to sleep a little early is probably a good thing . Not a great deal going on today , as there is no schedule visit to the PACU , or the O . R . I got over to see Jason early this morning and we had oatmeal with raisins for breakfast . It was actually pretty good , once we had the brown sugar mixed in . There was a large selection of other things at the galley , but neither of us was much in the mood for anything else . We had the usual visitors from the medical folks and they all came in to make sure he was doing okay , and that we didn 't have any questions . At this point the biggest question is - " When is this going to be over ? " , and we 're already aware that the answer may be two weeks out , or it could be longer . We just have to wait and see . There were a few other visitors as well with the most notable being " The Tick " , or at least the actor who played the tick came by . He name is Patrick Warburton and he has also been on a number of other shows and movies ( on the new Honda commercial , too ) . It was kind of a fun visit , finding out that we actually know some common people . There was also a group from one of the support groups who came by and gave Jason a nice gift bag ; and then Michael Fay , the illustrator , came by with two other illustrators for a nice visit . It was Anelle Miller , Director of Society of Illustrators and Dennis Dittrich , President . They brought some gifts for drawing and sketching and painting , for Jason to use and to practice and play with . Actually that reminds me , we took a couple of pictures and she asked me to send her a copy , I guess I 'd better get that done . . . ; - ) |
Poor john was greatly troubled , because his father was very ill and could not recover . Except for these two , there was no one in their small room . The lamp on the table had almost burned out , for it was quite late at night . John cried bitterly , for now he had no one in all the world , neither father nor mother , sister nor brother . Poor John ! He knelt at the bedside , and kissed his dead father 's hand . He cried many salty tears , until at last his eyes closed , and he fell asleep with his head resting against the hard bed - stead . Then he had a strange dream . He saw the sun and the moon bow down to him . He saw his father well again and strong , and heard him laughing as he always laughed when he was happy . A beautiful girl , with a crown of gold on her lovely long hair , stretched out her hand to John , and his father said , " See what a bride you have won . She is the loveliest girl in the world . " Then he awoke , and all these fine things were gone . His father lay cold and dead on the bed , and there was no one with them . Poor John ! The following week the dead man was buried . John walked close behind the coffin ; he could no longer see his kind father , who had loved him so . He heard how they threw the earth down upon the coffin , and watched the last corner of it until a shovel of earth hid even that . He was so sad that he felt as if his heart were breaking in pieces . Then those around him sang a psalm which sounded so lovely that tears came to his eyes . He cried , and that did him good in his grief . The sun shone in its splendor down on the green trees , as if to say , " John , you must not be so unhappy . Look up and see how fair and blue the sky is . Your father is there , praying to the good Lord that things will always go well with you . " " I 'll always be good , " John said . " Then I shall go to join my father in heaven . How happy we shall be to see each other again ! How much I shall have to tell him , and how much he will have to show me and to teach me about the joys of heaven , just as he used to teach me here on earth . Oh , what joy that will be ! " He could see it all so clearly that he smiled , even though tears were rolling down his cheeks . The little birds up in the chestnut trees twittered , " Chirp , chirp ! Chirp , chirp ! " They were so happy and gay , for although they had attended a funeral they knew very well that the dead man had gone to heaven , where he now wore wings even larger and lovelier than theirs . They knew that he was happy now , because here on earth he had been a good man , and this made them glad . John saw them fly from the green trees far out into the world , and he felt a great desire to follow them . But first he carved a large wooden cross to mark his father 's grave . When he took it there in the evening he found the grave neatly covered with sand and flowers . Strangers had done this , for they had loved the good man who now was dead . Early the next morning , John packed his little bundle and tucked his whole inheritance into a money belt . All that he had was fifty dollars and a few pieces of silver , but with this he meant to set off into the world . But first he went to the churchyard , where he knelt and repeated the Lord 's Prayer over his father 's grave . Then he said , " Farewell , father dear ! Ill always be good , so you may safely pray to our Lord that things will go well with me . " The fields through which he passed were full of lovely flowers that flourished in the sunshine and nodded in the breeze , as if to say , " Welcome to the green pastures ! Isn 't it nice here ? " But John turned round for one more look at the old church where as a baby he had been baptised , and where he had gone with his father every Sunday to sing the hymns . High up , in one of the belfry windows , he saw the little church goblin with his pointed red cap , raising one arm to keep the sun out of his eyes . John nodded good - by to him , and the little goblin waved his red cap , put his hand on his heart , and kissed his finger tips to him again and again , to show that he wished John well and hoped that he would have a good journey . As John thought of all the splendid things he would see in the fine big world ahead of him , he walked on and on - farther away than he had ever gone before . He did not even know the towns through which he passed , nor the people whom he met . He was far away among strangers . The first night he slept under a haystack in the fields , for he had no other bed . But he thought it very comfortable , and the king himself could have no better . The whole field , the brook , the haystack , and the blue sky overhead , made a glorious bedroom . The green grass patterned with red and white flowers was his carpet . The elder bushes and hedges of wild roses were bouquets of flowers , and for his wash bowl he had the whole brook full of clear fresh water . The reeds nodded their heads to wish him both " Good night , " and " Good morning . " The moon was really a huge night lamp , high up in the blue ceiling where there was no danger of its setting fire to the bed curtains . John could sleep peacefully , and sleep he did , never once waking until the sun rose and all the little birds around him began singing , " Good morning ! Good morning ! Aren 't you up yet ? " The church bells rang , for it was Sunday . People went to hear the preacher , and John went with them . As he sang a hymn and listened to God 's Word , he felt just as if he were in the same old church where he had been baptised , and where he had sung the hymns with his father . There were many , many graves in the churchyard , and some were overgrown with high grass . Then John thought of his own father 's grave and of how it too would come to look like these , now that he could no longer weed and tend it . So he knelt down to weed out the high grass . He straightened the wooden crosses that had fallen , and replaced the wreaths that the wind had blown from the graves . " Perhaps , " he thought , " someone will do the same for my fathers grave , now that I cannot take care of it . " Outside the churchyard gate stood an old beggar , leaning on his crutch and John gave him the few pieces of silver that he had . Happy and high - spirited , John went farther on - out into the wide world . Toward nightfall the weather turned dreadfully stormy . John hurried along as - fast as he could to find shelter , but it soon grew dark . At last he came to a little church which stood very lonely upon a hill . Fortunately the door was ajar , and he slipped inside to stay until the storm abated . " I 'll sit down here in the corner , " he said , " for I am very tired and need a little rest . " So he sat down , put his hands together , and said his evening prayer . Before he knew it he was fast asleep and dreaming , while it thundered and lightened outside . When he woke up it was midnight . The storm had passed , and the moon shone upon him through the window . In the middle of the church stood an open coffin and in it lay a dead man , awaiting burial . John was not at all frightened . His conscience was clear , and he was sure that the dead do not harm anyone . It is the living who do harm , and two such harmful living men stood beside the dead one , who had been put here in the church until he could be buried . They had a vile scheme to keep him from resting quietly in his coffin . They intended to throw his body out of the church - the helpless dead man 's body . Why do you want to do such a thing ? " John asked . " It is a sin and a shame . In Heaven 's name , let the man rest . " " Stuff and nonsense ! " the two evil men exclaimed . " He cheated us . He owed us money which he could not pay , and now that he has cheated us by dying we shall not get a penny of it . So we intend to revenge ourselves . Like a dog he shall lie outside the church door . " " I have only fifty dollars , " John cried . " It is my whole inheritance , but I 'll give it to you gladly if you will solemnly promise to let the poor dead man rest in peace . I can do without the money . I have my healthy , strong arms , and Heaven will always help me . " They took the money he gave them and went away roaring with laughter at his simplicity . John laid the body straight again in its coffin , folded its hands , and took his leave . He went away through the great forest , very well pleased . All around him , wherever moonlight fell between the trees , he saw little elves playing merrily . They weren 't disturbed when he came along because they knew he was a good and innocent fellow . It is only the wicked people who never are allowed to see the elves . Some of the elves were no taller than your finger , and their long yellow hair was done up with golden combs . Two by two , they seesawed on the big raindrops , which lay thick on the leaves and tall grass . Sometimes the drops rolled from under them , and then they tumbled down between the grass blades . The little manikins would laugh and made a great to - do about it , for it was a very funny sight . They sang , and John knew all their pretty little songs , which had been taught him when he was a small boy . Big spotted spiders , wearing silver crowns , were kept busy spinning long bridges and palaces from one bush to another , and as the tiny dewdrops formed on these webs they sparkled like glass in the moonlight . All this went on until sunrise , when the little elves hid in the buds of flowers . Then the wind struck the bridges and palaces , which were swept away like cobwebs . " I 'm bound for the wide world , " John told him . " I have neither father nor mother . I am a poor boy , but I am sure the Lord will look after me . " The sun was high in the heavens when they sat down under a big tree to eat their breakfast . Just then an old woman came hobbling along . Oh ! she was so old that she bent almost double and walked with a crutch . On her back was a load of firewood she had gotten from the forest . Her apron was tied up and John could see these big bunches of fern fronds and willow switches sticking out . As she came near the two travelers , her foot slipped . She fell down , and screamed aloud , for the poor old woman had broken her leg . " That 's a very high price ! " The old woman dubiously nodded her head . She did not want to give up the switches , but it was not very pleasant to lie there with a broken leg , so she let him have the three bunches . No sooner had he rubbed her with the salve than the old woman got to her feet and walked off much better than she had come - all this the salve could do . Obviously it was not the sort of thing you can buy from the apothecary . " No , " his comrade said , " those are not clouds . They are mountains - splendid high mountains , where you can get clear above the clouds into perfectly fresh air . It is glorious , believe me . Tomorrow we shall certainly be far up in the world . " But they were not so near as they seemed to be . It took a whole day to reach the mountains , where the dark forests rose right up to the skies , and where the boulders were almost as large as a whole town . To climb over all of them would be heavy going indeed , so John and his companion went to an inn to rest and strengthen themselves for tomorrow 's journey . Down in the big tap - room at the inn were many people , because a showman was there with a puppet - show . He had just set up his little theatre , and the people sat there waiting to see the play . Down in front , a burly old butcher had taken a seat , the very best one too , and his big bulldog - how vicious it looked - sat beside him , with his eyes popping as wide as everyone else 's . Then the play started . It was a very pleasant play , all about a king and a queen who sat on a velvet throne . They wore gold crowns on their heads and long trains to their costumes , all of which they could very well afford . The prettiest little wooden dolls , with glass eyes and big mustaches , stood by to open and shut all the doors so that fresh air might come into the room . It was a very pleasant play , it wasn 't sad at all . But just as the queen rose and swept across the stage - heaven only knows what possessed the big bulldog to do it - as the fat butcher was not holding him , the dog made a jump right on to the stage , snatched up the queen by her slender waist , and crunched her until she cracked in pieces . It was quite tragic ! The poor showman was badly frightened , and quite upset about the queen ; for she was his prettiest little puppet , and the ugly bulldog had bitten off her head . But after a while , when the audience had gone , the stranger who had come with John said that he could soon mend her . He produced his little jar , and rubbed the puppet with some of the ointment that had cured the poor old woman who had broken her leg . The moment the salve was applied to the puppet , she was as good as new - nay , better . She could even move by herself , and there was no longer any need to pull her strings . Except hat she could not speak , the puppet was just like a live woman . The showman was delighted that he didn 't have to pull strings for this puppet , who could dance by herself . None of the others could do that . In the night , after everyone in the inn had gone to bed , someone was heard sighing so terribly , and the sighs went on for so long , that everybody got up to see who it could be . The showman went straight to his little theatre , because the sighs seemed to come from there . All the wooden puppets were in a heap , with the king and his attendants mixed all together , and it was they who sighed so profoundly . They looked so pleading with their big glass eyes , and all of them wanted to be rubbed a little , just as the queen had been , so that they too would be able to move by themselves . The queen went down on her knees and held out her lovely golden crown as if to say : " Take even this from me , if you will only rub my king and his courtiers . " The poor showman felt so sorry for them that he could not keep back his tears . Immediately he promised the traveling companion to give him all the money he would take in at the next performance , if only he would anoint four or five of the nicest puppets . But the traveling companion said he would not take any payment , except the big sword that hung at the showman 's side . On receiving it he anointed six of the puppets , who began to dance so well that all the girls , the real live girls who were watching , began to dance too . The coachman danced with the cook , and the waiter with the chambermaid . All the guests joined the dance , and the shovel and tongs did too , but these fell down as soon as they took their first step . It was a lively night indeed ! Next morning , John and his companion set off up the lofty mountainside and through the vast pine forests . They climbed so high that at last the church towers down below looked like little red berries among all that greenery . They could see in the distance , many and many a mile away , places where neither of them had ever been . Never before had John seen so many of the glories of this lovely world at once . The sun shone bright in the clear blue air , and along the mountainside he could also hear the hunters sounding their horns . It was all so fair and sweet that tears came into his eyes , and he could not help crying out , " Almighty God , I could kiss your footsteps in thankfulness for all the splendors that you have given us in this world . " His traveling companion also folded his hands and looked out over the woods and towns that lay before them in the warm sunlight . Just then they heard a wonderful sound overhead . They looked up , and saw a large white swan sweeping above them and singing as they had never before heard any bird sing . But the song became fainter and fainter , until the bird bowed his head and dropped slowly down dead at their feet - the lovely bird ! " Two such glorious wings ! " said the traveling companion . " Wings so large and white as these are worth a good deal of money . I 'll take them with me . You can see now what a good thing it was that I got a sword . " With one stroke he cut off both wings of the dead swan , for he wanted to keep them . They journeyed many and many a mile over the mountains , until at last they saw a great town rise before them , with more than a hundred towers that shone like silver in the sun . In the midst of the town there was a magnificent marble palace , with a roof of red gold . That was where the King lived . John and his companion did not want to enter the town at once . They stopped at a wayside inn outside the town to put on fresh clothes , for they wanted to look presentable when they walked through the streets . The innkeeper told them what the King was a good man who never harmed anyone . But as for his daughter - Heaven help us - she was a bad Princess . She was pretty enough . No one could be more lovely or more entertaining than she - but what good did that do ? She was a wicked witch , who was responsible for many handsome Princes ' losing their lives . She had decreed that any man might come to woo her . Anybody might come , whether he were Prince or beggar , it made no difference to her , but he must guess the answer to three questions that she asked him . If he knew the answers , she would marry him and he would be King over all the land when her father died . But if he could not guess the right answers , she either had him hanged or had his head chopped off . That was how bad and wicked the beautiful Princess was . The old King , her father , was terribly distressed about it , but he could not keep her from being so wicked , because he had once told her that he would never concern himself with her suitors - she could do as she liked with them . Whenever a Prince had come to win the Princess 's hand by making three guesses , he had failed . Then he was either hanged or beheaded , for each suitor was warned beforehand , when he was still free to abandon his courtship . The old King was so distressed by all this trouble and grief that for one entire day every year he and all his soldiers went down on their knees to pray that the Princess might reform ; but she never would . As a sign of mourning , old women who drank schnapps would dye it black before they quaffed it - so deeply - did they mourn - and more than that they couldn 't do . " Hurrah ! " they heard people shout outside the inn . The Princess was passing by , and she was so very beautiful that everyone who saw her forgot how wicked she was , and everyone shouted " Hurrah . " Twelve lovely maidens , all dressed in white silk and carrying golden tulips , rode beside her on twelve coal - black horses . The Princess herself rode a snow - white horse , decorated with diamonds and rubies . Her riding costume was of pure gold , and the whip that she carried looked like a ray of sunlight . The gold crown on her head twinkled like the stars of heaven , and her cloak was made from thousands of bright butterfly wings . But she herself it ; was far lovelier than all these things . When John first set eyes on her , his face turned red - as red as blood - and he could hardly speak a single word . The Princess was the living image of the lovely girl with the golden crown , of whom he had dreamed on the night when his father died . He found the Princess so fair that he could not help falling in love with her . Everyone told him he ought not to try it , lest he meet with the same fate that had befallen the others . His traveling companion also tried to persuade him not to go , but John felt sure he would succeed . He brushed his shoes and his coat , washed his face and his hands , and combed his handsome blond hair . Then , all alone , he went through the town to the palace . " Come in , " the old King said when John came knocking at his door . As John opened it the old King advanced to meet him , wearing a dressing gown and a pair of embroidered slippers . He had his crown on his head , his sceptre in one hand , and his orb in the other . " Just a minute , " he said , tucking the orb under his arm so that he could offer a hand to John . But the moment he heard that John had come as a suitor , he fell to sobbing so hard that both the orb and sceptre dropped to the floor , and he had to use his dressing gown to wipe his eyes . The poor old King ! Then he led John into the Princess 's pleasure garden , where he saw a fearful thing . From every tree hung three or four Kings ' sons who had been suitors of the Princess but had not been able to answer the questions she put to them . The skeletons rattled so in every breeze that they terrified the little birds , who never dared come to the garden . All the flowers were tied to human bones , and human skulls grinned up from every flower pot . What a charming garden for a Princess ! " There ! " said the old King , " you see . It will happen to you as it happened to all these you see here . Please don 't try it . You would make me awfully unhappy , for I take these things deeply to heart . John kissed the good old King 's hand , and said he was sure everything would go well ; for he was infatuated with the Princess 's beauty . Just then the Princess and all of her ladies rode into the palace yard , so they went over to wish her good morning . She was lovely to look at , and when she held out her hand to John he fell in love more deeply than ever . How could she be such a wicked witch as all the people called her ? The whole party went to the palace hall , where little pages served them jam and gingerbread . But the old King was so miserable that he couldn 't eat anything at all . Besides , the gingerbread was too hard for his teeth . However , John was not at all afraid of his trial . Far from it ! he was jubilant , and thought only of how lovely the Princess was . He felt sure that help would come to him , though he didn 't know how it would come , and he preferred not to think about it . He fairly danced along the road when he returned to the inn , where his comrade awaited him . John could not stop telling him how nicely the Princess had treated him , and how lovely she was . He said that he could hardly wait for tomorrow to come , when he would go to the palace and try his luck in guessing . But his comrade shook his head , and was very sad . " I am so fond of you , " he said , " and we might have been comrades together for a long while to come , but now I am apt to lose you soon , poor , dear John ! I feel like crying , but I won 't spoil your happiness this evening , which is perhaps the last one we shall ever spend together . We shall be as merry as merry can be , and tomorrow , when you are gone , I 'll have time enough for my tears . " Everyone in the town had heard at once that the Princess had a new suitor , and therefore everyone grieved . The theatre was closed ; the women who sold cakes tied crape around their sugar pigs ; the King and the preachers knelt in the churches ; and there was widespread lamentation . For they were all sure that John 's fate would be no better than that of all those others . Late that evening , the traveling companion made a large bowl of punch , and said to John , " Now we must be merry and drink to the health of the Princess . " But when John had drunk two glasses of the punch he felt so sleepy that he couldn 't hold his eyes open , and he fell sound asleep . His comrade quietly lifted him from the chair and put him to bed . As soon as it was entirely dark he took the two large wings he had cut off the swan , and fastened them to his own shoulders . Then he put into his pocket the biggest bunch of switches that had been given him by the old woman who had : fallen and broken her leg . He opened the window and flew straight over the house tops to the palace , where he sat down in a corner under the window which looked into the Princess 's bedroom . All was quiet in the town until the clock struck a quarter to twelve . Then the window opened and the Princess flew out of it , cloaked in white and wearing long black wings . She soared over the town to a high mountain , but the traveling companion had made himself invisible , so that she could not see him as he flew after her and lashed her so hard with his switch that he drew blood wherever he struck . Ah , how she fled through the air ! The wind caught her cloak , which billowed out from her like a sail , and the moonlight shone through it . At last she came to the mountain and knocked on it . With a thunderous rumbling , the mountainside opened and the Princess went in . No one saw the traveling companion go in after her , for he had made himself completely invisible . They went down a big , long passage where the walls were lighted in a peculiar fashion . Thousands of glittering spiders ran along he walls and gave off a fiery glow . Then they entered a vast hall , built of silver and gold . Red and blue blossoms the size of sunflowers covered the walls , but no one could pick them , for the stems were ugly poisonous snakes , and the flowers were flames darting out between their fangs . The ceiling was alive with glittering glow - worms , and sky - blue bats that zapped their transparent wings . The place looked really terrible ! A throne in the center of the floor was held up by four horse skeletons in a harness of fiery red spiders . The throne itself was of milk - colored glass , and its cushions consisted of little black mice biting each other 's tails . The canopy above it was made of rose - red spider webs , speckled with charming little green flies that sparkled like emeralds . On the throne sat an old sorcerer , with a crown on his hideous head and a sceptre in his hand . He kissed the Princess on her forehead , and made her sit with him on the costly throne as the music struck up . Big black grasshoppers played upon mouth - harps , and the owl beat upon his own stomach , because he had no drum . It was a most fantastic concert ! Many tiny goblins , with will - o ' - the - wisps stuck in their little caps , capered around the hall . Nobody could see the traveling companion , who had placed himself behind the throne , where he could see and hear everything . The courtiers who now appeared seemed imposing and stately enough , but any - one with an observing eye could soon see what it all meant . They were mere cabbage heads stuck upon broomsticks , which the sorcerer had dressed in embroidered clothes and conjured into liveliness . But that didn 't matter , for they were only needed to keep up appearances . " Listen to me , " said the sorcerer , " I 'll tell you what ; you must think of something commonplace and then he will never guess what it is . Think of one of your shoes . He won 't guess that . Then off with his head , and when you come tomorrow night remember to fetch me his eyes , so that I may eat them . " The Princess made a low curtsey , and promised not to forget about the eyes . The sorcerer opened the mountain for her , and she flew homeward . But the traveling companion flew behind her and thrashed her so hard with his switch that she bitterly complained of the fearful hailstorm , and made all the haste she could to get back through the open window of her bedroom . The traveling companion flew back to the inn , where John was still asleep . Taking off the wings he tumbled into bed , for he had good reason to feel tired . It was very early the next morning when John awoke . When his comrade arose he told John of a very strange dream he had had about the Princess and one of her shoes . He begged him to ask the Princess if she didn 't have one of her shoes in mind . This , of course , was what he had overheard the sorcerer say in the mountain , but he didn 't tell John about that . He merely told him to be sure to guess that the Princess had her shoe in mind . " I may as well ask about that as anything else , " John agreed . " Maybe your dream was true , for I have always thought that God would look after me . However , I 'll be saying good - by , because if I guess wrong I shall never see you again . " They embraced , and John went straight through the town and up to the palace . The whole hall was packed with people . The judges sat in their armchairs , with eiderdown pillows behind their heads because they had so much to think about , and the old King stood there wiping his eyes with a white handkerchief . Then the Princess entered . She was even lovelier than she was the day before , and she bowed to everyone in the most agreeable fashion . To John she held out her hand and wished him , " Good morning to you . " John was required to guess what she had in mind . She looked at him most charmingly until she heard him say the one word " shoe . " Her face turned chalk - white and she trembled from head to foot . But there was nothing she could do about it . His guess was right . Merciful Heavens ! How glad the old King was . He turned heels over head for joy , and everyone applauded both his performance and that of John , who had guessed rightly the first time . The traveling companion beamed with delight when he heard how well things had gone . But John clasped his hands together and thanked God , who he was sure would help him through the two remaining trials . The following day he was to guess again . That evening went by just like the previous one . As soon as John was asleep , his comrade flew behind the Princess to the mountain and thrashed her even harder than before , for this time he had taken two scourges of switches . No one saw him , but he heard all that was said . The Princess was to think of her glove , and he told this to John as if he had dreamed it . Naturally , John had no trouble in guessing correctly , and there was unbounded rejoicing in the palace . The whole court turned heels over head as they had seen the King do on the first occasion . But the Princess lay on her sofa , without a word to say . Now everything depended on John 's answer to the third question . If it was right , he would get the lovely Princess and inherit the whole kingdom after the old King died . But if he guessed wrong , he would forfeit his life , and the wizard would eat his beautiful blue eyes . The night was pitch black . A gale blew so hard that it swept tiles from the roofs . In the garden where the skeletons dangled , the trees bent before the blast like reeds . Lightning flashed every moment , and thunder kept up one unbroken roar the whole night through . The window was flung open , and out flew the Princess . She was deathly pale , but she laughed at the weather and thought it was not bad enough . Her white cloak lashed about in the wind like the sail of a ship , and the traveling companion thrashed her with his three switches until blood dripped to the ground . She could scarcely fly any farther , but at last she came to the mountain . " He won 't guess it this time , " said the sorcerer . " I shall hit upon something that he will never guess unless he 's a greater magician than I am . But first let 's have our fun . He took the Princess by both hands , and they danced around with all the little goblins and will - o ' - the - wisps that were in the hall . The red spiders spun merrily up and down the walls , the fiery flowers seemed to throw off sparks , the owl beat the drum , the crickets piped , and the black grasshoppers played on mouth organs . It was an extremely lively ball . Away they flew through the storm , and the traveling companion wore out all three scourges on their backs . Never had the sorcerer felt such a hailstorm . As he said good - by to the Princess outside the palace , he whispered to her , " Think of my head . " The hall was so full of people that they were packed together as closely as radishes tied together in a bundle . The judges sat in their chairs with the soft pillows . The old King had put on his new clothes , and his crown and sceptre had been polished to look their best . But the Princess was deathly pale , and she wore black , as if she were attending a funeral . " Of what have I thought ? " she asked John . He at once untied the handkerchief , and was quite frightened himself when he saw the sorcerer 's hideous head roll out of it . Everyone there shuddered at this terrible sight , but the Princess sat like stone , without a word to say . Finally she got up and gave John her hand , for his guess was good . She looked no one in the face , but sighed and said : All the people shouted " Hurrah ! " The military band played in the streets , the bells rang out , and the cake women took the crape off their sugar pigs , now that everyone was celebrating . Three entire oxen stuffed with ducks and chickens were roasted whole in the center of the market square , and everyone could cut himself a piece of them . The fountains spurted up the best of wine . Whoever bought a penny bun at the bakery got six large buns thrown in for good measure , and all the buns had raisins in them . That evening the entire town was illuminated . The soldiers fired their cannon , and the boys set off firecrackers . At the palace there was eating and drinking , dancing and the clinking of glasses . All the lordly gentlemen and all the lovely ladies danced together . For a long way off you could hear them sing : " Here are many pretty girls , and don 't they love to dance ! See them hop and swing around whenever they 've a chance . Dance ! my pretty maid , anew , till the sole flies of your shoe . But the Princess was still a witch , and she had no love for John at all . His comrade kept this in mind , and gave him three feathers from the swan 's wings , and a little bottle with a few drops of liquid in it . He said that John must put a large tub of water beside the Princess 's bed , and just as she was about to get in bed he must give her a little push , so that she would tumble into the tub . There he must dip her three times , after he had thrown the feathers and the drops of liquid into the water . That would free her from the spell of sorcery , and make her love him dearly . John did everything his companion had advised him to do , though the Princess shrieked as he dipped her into the water , and struggled as he held her in the shape of a large black swan with flashing eyes . The second time , she came out of the water as a swan entirely white except for a black ring around its neck . John prayed hard , and as he forced the bird under the water once more it changed into the beautiful Princess . She was fairer than ever , and she thanked him with tears in her beautiful eyes for having set her free from the sorcerer 's spell . In the morning the old King came with all his court , and congratulations lasted all through the day . Last of all came John 's traveling companion ; he had his stick in his hand and the knapsack on his back . John embraced him time and again , and said that he must not leave - them . He must stay here with John , who owed all his happiness to him . But the traveling companion shook his head . Gently and kindly he said : " No , my time is now up . I have done no more than pay my debt to you . Do you remember the dead man whom the wicked men wanted to harm ? You gave all that you had so that he might have rest in his grave . I am that dead man . " And at once he disappeared . The wedding celebration lasted a whole month . John and his Princess loved each other dearly , and the old King lived on for many a happy day to let their little children ride astride his knee and play with his sceptre . But it was John who was King over all the land . |
I took a moment to look around my bedroom , now filled with piles of boxes that were marked either " storage " or " school " in blue sharpie . I have too much stuff , I thought to myself . There were a lot of other things I could have been thinking about ; the party after graduation , what happened after I left last night . I just had so much crap . Dad was the only person in my sphere that was against me going to Berkeley . To him , my going there was like a personal attack as if I were running away . During our regular arguments he 'd always bring up how I got into Cal Poly and how I should go there instead . He 'd always talk about how close it was , how many people I 'd know and the convenience of it all . In his head it was the superior school . I tapped the text box to reply . As the line flashed I drew a blank . I didn 't know what to say and I could only imagine what he saw on his end . Those silent ellipses flashing as if I were writing a heartfelt message back - if he was still looking at the screen . I closed it and put my phone away . I 'll reply later . Last night a few friends and I decided to sneak into La Purisima Mission which is considered by many " paranormal experts " to be one of the most haunted places in California . Since the Schwarzenegger budget cuts the security presence has been limited at best . As a result , local kids made it a rite of passage to spend a night on the grounds . Cam took it a step further and brought beer . I don 't usually drink beer , but that night I drank it . When the pounding in my head ceased . I got onto my knees and dragged the box to my bookcase . Once I filled it with my copies of Doctorow and Hemingway I taped it closed and tried to decide whether to mark it storage or school . On one hand , I might need to grab my copy of Ragtime in the near future . But what if I never needed it ? As I loaded the boxes into the car , the familiar rumbling of a rocket launch from Vandenberg broke the silence of the afternoon . I didn 't look up , the days when that was cool had passed long ago . Instead I continued loading the car while the rumble slowly faded back to silence . When I finished , I leaned against the side door to wait for my family to see me off . My phone vibrated again . When I took it out the notification read , " Instagram : cam805 just posted a photo . " I opened Instagram to look at the post . It was the two of us when we were kids . Cam was wearing his royal blue youth football jersey , something he would wear for most of his life , and I the yellow hoodie I used to wear all the time . " # tbt me & my day1 back in the day , " read the caption . " Good luck at Cal ! " No doubt similar pictures of Cam in a football uniform and me in civilian clothing were out there somewhere . But looking at this one was like looking at an ancient relic from days long ago , back when watching rocket launches was cool . Cam called those days at Miguelito " the good ole ' days " and maybe they were . Back then when there was a rocket launch , the entire school would rush out of class to watch . Seeing those long lines of white steam exit the blue and enter the black was so bewitching to my 10 - year - old self . It made me wonder when the blue ended and black began . In those days after school , I 'd walk with Cam to his grandfather , Mr . Ruiz 's house and wait for Mom to get off work . Mr . Ruiz had lived in Lompoc his entire life and he would always tell us stories about what the town was like before we were born . Like how back in the ' 60s all of the shops closed for the day to see Bobby Kennedy pass through for his campaign , or when the city finally had to build another high school - our crosstown rival Cabrillo . Whenever he 'd tell us about these times it was always with some sort of regret that they had to pass . How Cam and I remained friends for so long I 'll never understand . We never had anything in common and even though I went to his games , it was because my parents were on the board for the youth league - I had no choice . While he was on the field I was reading in the bleachers completely uninterested and unaware of what was going on . But I guess he returned that same sentiment by being unaware of what went on in my life . He was playing and I was going through a crisis of self . The Saturday after the first week of school was when all the players in the league would have their height and weight taken so they could be sorted into age divisions . Once sorted , the coaches would draft them into teams . This was apparently a big deal and it took all day and it was why I spent one day every year for nine years in the equipment room while Dad and another board member - usually Mr . Ruiz - weighed over 200 kids and argued with their parents . Cam would have practice right after he was weighed , so I spent the day inside staring at the shelves of old helmets and shoulder pads that were the abyss . Then the older boys would come in and my attention would turn from the shelves to them stripping down to their underwear . Something made me feel like this wasn 't okay . So it was a struggle for me to look without being obvious . " It 's fine , son , " Dad once said . " We 're all men in here . " I think he thought I felt uncomfortable seeing people naked , but what was saying that supposed to achieve ? I think Mr . Ruiz saw me and knew what was going on . One year he came up to me with a Magic Treehouse book and said , " The equipment hasn 't moved . " It was easier to not look after that . I tried to write a response , but I went back to look through his profile some more . I stopped to look at a post of Cam in his football uniform and his girlfriend , Stephanie , kissing from opposite sides of a low fence . The post was captioned , " HOME OF THE BRAVES BABY ! " which was flanked by a blue heart emoji on both sides . The night it was taken , Cam was still on a victory high after Lompoc beat Cabrillo . When the fourth quarter ended , he handed me his phone and told me to take the picture . It was very uncomfortable and it didn 't help that it took a few tries to get it right . At the time Cam and Stephanie had been dating for about a year and a half . I thought she was nice , but I never thought anything more of her . As far as I was concerned , she was just another one of Cam 's pseudo - girlfriends he always seemed to have since we were 12 . And by that time , Mom didn 't like that I was becoming a third wheel . I 'd never been asked that question before . What did she mean by like ? I thought some girls in my class were cool or funny , but did that mean I liked them ? Luckily , Dad saved me from this confusion . " He 's obviously not interested into girls yet , " he interjected . " Wait till he 's 14 , he 'll be all over them . " With that deadline in mind , I turned 13 and realized that the reason I didn 't like girls was because I liked guys . I didn 't live in a homophobic environment , it was just something we never talked about . As self - important as it may sound , I actually thought I was the only guy in the world who liked other guys . In what seemed like a simple solution , I decided that I wasn 't going to like guys or girls - spoiler : it didn 't work . " God dammit ! Son ' f bitch ! " yelled a familiar voice . I looked across the street and saw our neighbor , Mr . Wold , trying to push a piece of scrap metal off his foot . When it was off , he took hold of his foot and focused on the pain . In the ' 70s and ' 80s , the Air Force began developing their own Space Shuttle program at Vandenberg . Mr . Wold was a relic from the wave of young engineers and physicists who rushed to this little hamlet on Point Conception with their families and the hopes of becoming the new Cape Canaveral . Because of this sudden influx of people , the town experienced unprecedented growth . Mr . Ruiz called it " the space rush . " Of all his stories , his favorite ones came from the space rush . He 's tell us about the kids Cam 's parents played with and how the city commissioned Mrs . Ruiz to paint a mural to welcome the new residents . But whenever he 'd tell us about when the Space Shuttle arrived , it was always with an air of hope . " We knew that the shuttle was supposed to come , " he said , " but when we looked up into the sky and saw it on top of that big plane that was when it became real . They were gonna be launching shuttles every hour . Every day . We were gonna be Cape Canaveral . That was gonna be us . " When my parents finally came outside , the goodbye process began . Whatever feelings Dad had about my leaving were gone . He gave his " I 'm proud of you " speech before checking my oil one last time and giving me a hug where - I swear - I heard a whimper . Mom cried , too . She gave her " be safe " speech and hugged me again . Mr . Wold 's scrap metal dragging briefly interrupted us . Dad looked across the street and watched through gritted teeth . Somehow he was able to say , " You need help with that , Hank ? " Mr . Wold stopped and looked up at Dad . " I don 't need no help ! " he proclaimed before loudly dragging the rusty axel through the side gate . My parents looked over and just glared at Mr . Wold 's house . " Recycling , " Dad answered just to get me to stop . He knew I was fucking with him . Even when his son was going off to college , he still found time to hate Mr . Wold . It was petty , and it was also the funniest thing in the world . Mom loved the idea of Cam and Stephanie together and to an extent I guess I did , too . Regardless of how irritated I 'd get when Cam went on his " I 'm in deep " rants , I cared about his happiness . Mom did too , but I had my suspicions that she liked it - at least partially - because I didn 't date girls . " Maybe you two need to cut your time together , " I said . " I don 't know , you know the situation better than I do . " I continued , " Once in a while you need to be a person as opposed to being part of a couple . That 's just me , though . " Cam sighed and said , " It 's just … why would I not want to be with her ? I know what you 're saying but you 'd understand if you finally found a girl . " Nothing was said until we got onto the 101 near Gaviota and Cam brought up the same subject . " Like you really need to find yourself a girl , " he said , " You 're cool and shit , you could get one . " I looked out the window across the Santa Barbara channel . The sun had settled just behind Santa Rosa Island , turning the sky into a murky shade of tangerine that sparkled off the water . The lights on the oil rigs beyond the island made them look like galleons sailing for a distant place in a distant time . The world was changing around us , and I didn 't want to have conversations like this anymore . " Look , " Cam persisted , " maybe Lompoc girls aren 't your type . I get it , not a lot to choose from . You 'll find her though . " " Sure , " I said , but I immediately realized that wasn 't a clear enough answer . " Yeah , " I added . I looked back at him . Cam was silent for a few minutes before he started nodding . " Yeah , " said Cam , " You 're one of my day ones . You liking guys or girls , isn 't gonna change that . " I was taken aback by his apathy . He treated what I just told him like he found out I cheated on a test . He looked over at me and made an assuring smirk . " We 're still cool , " he said . I hugged my parents one more time , promised to come back for the nearest holiday and then I was off . A couple blocks down , my phone started vibrating in my pocket . I pulled it out and saw that Cam was calling me before I put the phone on the center console and kept driving . I tried not to think about why he was calling , but I did find a diversion when I saw that I was running on empty . It was the only time I felt relieved that I needed to get gas . Usually I 'd go to Sunshine Market since it was the cheapest . But that was out of my way , I also didn 't want to run into Cam in case he was there . It was for the best ; he 'd ask why I didn 't answer his calls / texts and then it would turn into this big thing that neither of us wanted . I went to Circle K in the strip mall near Cajun Kitchen instead . I hated going there . To call it a strip mall was being generous . After the recession , what should have had at least nine storefronts now only had three : the grocery store Albertson 's , Beauty Connection , and - oddly enough - Radio Shack . But Albertson 's was so expensive no one ever went there . The only people there were teenagers learning how to drive and what was left of the employees . It wasn 't like the recession was the only thing that pushed Lompoc closer to the edge . When Cam and I were in middle school , Mr . Ruiz told us the Space Shuttle story . We must have heard it a thousand times by now , but it still felt fresh . " You had to be there , man , " said Mr . Ruiz . " They should have launched the shuttle from Vandenberg right from the beginning . Come on ! We have better weather than Florida . " The shuttle in Vandenberg was supposed to launch in the summer of ' 86 . But after the Challenger disintegrated in mid - flight , the Air Force halted development of their program . It wasn 't until later when I understood what that meant . That growth from the ' 70s and ' 80s slowly turned into decline . Everyone who was part of the program - except Mr . Wold , apparently - left looking for greener pastures , maybe to Cape Canaveral . While I waited for my tank to fill up , I went over to grab my phone . The screen read , " ( 2 ) missed calls from Cameron Ruiz " before Cam tried to call again . I put my arm down and gripped tighter , hoping it would go to voicemail quicker . When it stopped I held it up and read , " ( 3 ) missed calls from Cameron Ruiz . " I put the phone back in the car . Maybe he wants to say goodbye , I thought to myself , or maybe he wants to continue what happened last night ; though I was pretty clear that we were done . A month before graduation I was in a bookstore in Santa Barbara . There was no reason for me to be there . I just wanted to be there . As I browsed the aisles of shelves , I saw Stephanie . Her back was to me and I thought I 'd go up and say hi . But when I went up to her , I ended up freaking her out and she dropped her books . " Shit ! " I said , smiling in hilarity , " I 'm so sorry . " It was hard for my dumb ass to hold back laughter as we both leaned down to pick them up . Then I stopped when I saw bruises on her arms which she quickly covered with her sleeves . We looked at each other and knew there was no way out of it . She didn 't want to say it , and I didn 't want to hear it but I knew what was going on right then and there . With my tank full I drove across the parking lot to avoid the light . The faster I was out , the better . Then Cam started calling me again . In a fury , I stopped the car and picked it up . I finally had a response to his text . " Stop calling me ! ! ! " I typed into the box , " Not only are you mentally unable to make this right , it 's impossible after what you did . I can 't have this kind of poison in my life anymore . " Right when I was about to send it , I deleted all of it and cried . I 'd see Cam kiss her on the cheek and I just wanted to grab him and scream , " You fucking moron ! " I wanted to do something . I just hated that I was too much of a coward to actually do it . Then at the mission , after a few beers , I hit the limit . We were all sitting in a circle and Cam and Steph were doing their thing and he slapped her ass . My first instinct was to say something right there , but I knew that would have done more harm than good . So I asked Cam to talk with me in private . I couldn 't be in a room full of a bunch of enablers . We walked for a while on the mission grounds , mostly because I wanted to find a place that was as far from everyone else as possible . When we came to the fountain between the old pear trees , I stopped . Whether it was the shitty beer or the spirits that supposedly haunt the grounds , or the fact that it was the bare minimum of decency , I had to say something . " Hey man , " said Cam , " I just wanted to say that … I 'm really gonna miss you when you 're gone . " I looked over at to him and said nothing . " I mean … " he continued , " You 're one of my day ones , and I know you 'll be around for holidays and shit but … it won 't be the same . " What he said was heartfelt and sentimental , but I had to stay focused . No good would have come from me returning the sentimentally " Cam , " I said . " I know . " Cam smirked but I knew he was furious . " Alright , " he said as he tried to laugh it off , " So you saw some bruises . What do you think you know ? " " It 's getting late , " he interjected . " I think we 're going to call it a night . " Cam turned around to walk back to the chapel . I 've never seen a person so angry , scared , sad , and whatever else there is at the same time . I looked down and saw that Cam was closing his hands into fists and I braced for impact . But instead he took a step back and smiled in a panic . " That 's what you 're gonna do ? " Cam said , " You 're gonna tell her parents ? " I nodded . Cam stepped back again and threw his arms up and let them drop to his side , still smiling that panicked smile . " Cool , " he said , " You know , that 's fucking weak . Why not just tell the cops ? " " Shut the fuck up ! You piece of shit ! " he yelled . There was a nanosecond where I saw tears in his eyes . " You piece of shit ! " he yelled again . Cam stopped and wiped the tears from his eyes . He fell slowly and sat on the floor . " You know how happy she makes me . " he said with his head down , " She 's the only person in the world that makes me feel this way and you want to take it away . " " This isn 't about you ! " I said back . I wasn 't going to fall for it . " What I 'm doing is correct . Do you not see what you 're doing is wrong ? " Cam stopped crying and stood up . I looked at him and saw his puffy cheeks and red eyes , and I felt sorry for him . He took a deep breath and gathered himself . Cam turned away and shook his head . The silence was deathly . " So , " he said as he turned around and looked at me , " She trusted you . " Cam walked closer to me until I felt the heat from his breath on my nose . " Kinda like how you trusted me when you told me you were gay . " No , we 're not still cool . I came out to my family way before I came out to Cam . How fucking arrogant of him to think I 'd tell him before my family . Did he actually think that texting me would make me forget that he kept my gayness in case he needed it for leverage ? Or was he just really dumb ? Cam was never my friend , just like how Mr . Wold was never building a rocket . It was all just a fantasy that fooled me into thinking I had a reason to ever come back here . Fuck this place . I put the phone down and started the engine to finally leave . Then I looked in my rear - view mirror and saw what looked like standing outside . I thought I was going insane even after I turned around . I got out of the car to get a better look and it was actually her . She wasn 't the cute girl Cam and I saw in Jack in the Box a year ago . She was a completely different person . Maybe that 's why I was confused . Stephanie shrugged and said , " Anywhere . " She looked around for a long while and said , " You know I never got to thank you for what you did last night . You were gone so quick . " " I agreed and got a ride home , " said Stephanie . " Whatever you said worked ' cause it scared the shit out of him . " I nodded . She looked away as a gust a wind blew by . She needed to get out of this place as much as I did - if not more . " Where you going ? " she asked . With that , we were on the road . When we passed the closed - down drive - in , crossed over the dry riverbed and saw the eucalyptus in the distance , we knew were actually leaving . The light next to the bell that marked the El Camino Real turned red and Stephanie jumped out of the car . She ran across to the dry grass field and raised both middle fingers up towards the town . I watched her and my phone started vibrating . As suspected it was Cam calling . But before I had a chance to put it down , the ground started to shake . Another rocket , I thought . But it kept shaking , violently and ceaselessly . I saw the people in the cars around me get out and look towards the town in disbelief as more pulled to do the same . I looked over and my jaw dropped . It was a rocket , but it wasn 't coming from base . It was coming right from where my neighborhood was . I jumped out of the car and stood next to Stephanie , whose arms dropped in disbelief . He did it . That crazy motherfucker across the street actually did it . It took him more than 20 years but Mr . Wold was " gittin ' out of here . " But all I could think about was what everyone in town was doing . I thought about my parents , how relieved they must be now that Mr . Wold was fucking gone and how annoyed they must be about the crater in place of his house . I thought about Mr . Ruiz and how he 'll tell this story years from now . Blog , Fiction , Short Story , Susurrus Fiction , Sac City , Short Story , Zachary FR Anderson Mr . Dillon married Mrs . Dillon in the winter of 1983 . Mr . and Mrs . Dillon lived in a house that was at the end of a cul - de - sac in the same town that they grew up in . In that town , they lived with the people they went to school with who lived on the same street in houses that looked like the one before and after . Mr . and Mrs . Dillon had two children like everyone else and they went to the same elementary school as their friends ' children who were all the same age . Mr . Dillon was a law man . Mr . Dillon was the only man that lived on his block that had a job that required him to drive more than five miles . Mr . Dillon worked in the city that was thirty miles away . Mr . Dillon worked from nine in the morning and so he left at 8 : 30am in order to be on time . He worked until five and so he arrived home at 5 : 30am . It was just in time for Mr . Dillon to eat dinner with his family , read a chapter of a book , and go to bed at exactly 9 : 00pm . Mrs . Dillon worked at home like the other women on her block . Mrs . Dillon woke up thirty minutes before her husband and made Mr . Dillon breakfast . During the fall , winter , and spring , she drove the children to a school that was one mile south of their block . Mrs . Dillon would then go back home and clean the house , prepare a small lunch , and make no more than three runs around town to pay bills and drop off mail . Mrs . Dillon would go on a walk before picking up her children . When they came home , Mrs . Dillon would make dinner . Mrs . Dillon went to bed at 9 : 00pm with her husband without saying a word . Then the day continued as if on a cycle . During the summer , Mrs . Dillon would not need to drive as much . Her children would play outside and would do so until Mr . Dillon arrived at 5 : 30pm . But the day was still the same . They were alum of the university that was twenty miles north of the town . They went to school with the same people they went to high school with . When they were older , and their children were also older , their son , Christopher , played football with the children of Mr . and Mrs . Dillon 's friends from high school . Christopher was a descendent of a long line of men who were also named Christopher , dating back to when their town was only a few fields that grew either wheat or corn . Christopher 's ancestor had the same face as his father 's . This was most likely the only thing that made the Dillons unique , the fact that they had lived in the same spot since before the Maine was destroyed . Christopher did not want to be like Mr . and Mrs . Dillon . Christopher wanted to leave and live somewhere else . Then he met , Dorothy , who held her books while walking to class . Dorothy was beautiful . Christopher was handsome . Their relationship , was one that was looked at as adequate and model . Christopher first held Dorothy 's hand when they were both fourteen . Christopher first kissed Dorothy when he was fifteen . Dorothy first slept next to Christopher when they were both sixteen . They did not make love until they were both seventeen . When they were both eighteen , they moved in together . They shared an apartment that was one half mile east of the University in the city . They went to school together . They studied together , ate together , and went to sleep without words , together . Christopher and Dorothy graduated , together . They took a trip to Paris with other couples that they had grown up with . They came home , and lived in an apartment that was downtown in the city . Christopher got a job as an assistant to a man who managed a company . Dorothy , was able to babysit for money . Christopher would come home exhausted , Dorothy would sleep with him . Three years passed , and Christopher married Dorothy . Both their parents were in attendance . Christopher and Dorothy honeymooned in Puerto Rico for no more than two weeks . Eight months and two weeks after , they had a child . " What should his name be ? " asked Dorothy . Christopher thought for a moment before answering , " Christopher . " |
" Live with it ! ! " The Admiral was trying to calm down his Captain and was not sure if he was succeeding . This was going nowhere fast . The Captain did not like to have civilians on board , and certainly not children . Nelson then tried another approach . " Look , this will be only for 2 or 3 days at most . I could hardly refuse the Wish Foundation . This little girl wants to see and sail on a submarine , a real one . The Navy , for obvious reasons could not , that is why they knocked on the Institute 's door . Her mother will be with her and from what I have been told , they are nice people . It can 't be that bad . " " Just general looking over , nothing her mother cannot handle . According to the information forwarded to me , they have discontinued the leukemia treatments . They just went through all the procedures , even the experimental ones , and there is nothing left to do . " " You are very quiet about this Chip . Got anything to say ? " " I was thinking about how awful it must be to see you child die slowly and you are helpless to do anything about it . One of my schoolmates died when I was 10 , and I still remember the look in his parents ' eyes . I think we should do it and make it nice for them . " " I guess you are both right , but a submarine is not a playground . It could be dangerous for them . We will have to advise the crew about this . " Two weeks later , a small beat - up car showed up at the Institute entrance . After the guard checked the passenger 's identities , they were directed toward the main building . Lee and Chip were just coming in when they saw a woman and a little girl get out of the car . The woman took the child by the hand and came toward them . The woman had long black hair and a very exotic look to her . It was hard to figure out where the look came from , but it was stunning . " Hello Ms . Casavant . And the young lady is Brittany , if I am not mistaken . " Chip shook hands with Cynthia Casavant and smiled at the little girl . The child was looking at the two uniformed men with wide brown eyes . She was wearing a flowered sun hat and dress . No hair showed under the hat . Both men knew she was almost 8 but she was much smaller and thinner than other children . She looked up at her mother , then asked Crane " How come you know our names ? " " We were on our way to see Admiral Nelson , so that we could talk about your trip on the Seaview . There are rules on board that everyone has to follow and there are places that can be dangerous . We want to make sure that you and your mom understand everything about this . " The crew quarters were filled with conversation and the topic was the " Wish Cruise " . Riley came up with the name and it stuck . " I really don 't think that this is a good idea . I mean , we will have this kid underfoot and probably a bossy and fussy mama following her . " Barcley was not a family man and had rather strong opinions on the subject of kids : the less , the better . He had strong opinions ( mostly uninformed , thought Kowalski ) about a lot of things . " You have not even met them , how can you say ? They are probably OK , or the skipper would not have gone along with it . What do you think Chief ? " Paterson turned toward Sharkey ; just hoping the Chief would not side with Barcley on this . The man tended to get on his nerves , but he could not say why or maybe because Paterson wanted to have a family one day . Kids were great ; at least he thought so . Kowalski looked up from his unpacking : " Chief , today is October 2nd . " " Three days , then we can return to our normal lives . She won 't have one . Still thinking that this is a lousy idea Barcley ? " " No Chief . " Answered a meek Barcley , but he still was not happy about the situation . What next ? Trained animals or whatever , no doubt . Little Brittany descended the ladder to the control room and stopped at the bottom . She looked around and stood rooted to the spot . She was still wearing her sun hat . Everything was shiny and there were computers and machines that beeped and all kinds of things she did not know even existed . " Honey , move away from the ladder , you are blocking traffic . " Her mother 's voice from above startled her back to reality and she stepped aside . Cynthia Casavant came down , carrying a backpack . She was sporting a long braid down her back , pants with a lot of pockets and a soft khaki shirt . The crewmen looked at her and could not help but notice that she was very attractive . She looked around , just like her daughter , and fixed on Captain Crane . " Permission to come on board ? " " No need . Everything fits in the backpack . I like to travel light . Comes from walking all over Europe when I was a student . If you can 't carry it , you don 't need it . " " The Admiral would like you to join him in the nose , Ms . Casavant . I think you will both enjoy the view when we submerge . " " Thank you , it is very kind of you to allow this . I know that you could have turned us down and I would have understood . However , I do not think that Brittany would have . She is still a child , even if she has been through more than most adults . And please call me Cynthia . I keep looking for my mother when somebody calls me Ms . Casavant . " Lee escorted his passengers to the observation nose . The Admiral welcomed the Casavants warmly and started answering little Brittany 's questions . Both mother and daughter were sitting facing the huge ports and listening to Nelson 's description of the Seaview . When the boat submerged , the child was clapping her hands and laughing . She did not notice her mother 's sad smile , but both Nelson and Crane did . Brittany turned around and asked , " When the windows are closed or when it is dark , how do you know where to go ? " Before either man could answer , Cynthia explained the principles of sonar and echo - location . The words were simple enough for the child to understand , but nothing was left out . Nelson 's mind flashed to some of the scientists and lecturers who could not have done what this young woman just did . Make something complex so simple that a child could learn it and remember it . Just then , Brittany surprised him . " Yes honey , the same thing applies . A lot of machines do for us what nature does for some animals . This is why it is so important that we have to understand how things work . Nature has a lot to teach . You have to look and listen , and learn . " Crane was impressed . During the meeting prior to the cruise , the Admiral had made a list of do 's and don ' ts and most of them had been accepted without fuss . Some were explained and Ms . Casavant had agreed that they were justified . She even had some of her own . No one was to mention to Brittany that she was not going to live very long and they were not to give her any food without checking first with her mother . Apparently , some of the treatments had made Brittany susceptible to some products that most people do not even think about . " Well Lee , are you getting over your objections to this ? " Chip asked in a low voice , meant for Crane only . " Yes , I am . Somehow , I have the feeling that Cynthia Casavant is much more than what appears . " Crane replied in the same tone . Crane turned around and started to plan a nice quiet cruise . No destination , just a large circle in the ocean . Once the course was given to navigation , Lee gave a tour of the Seaview to Cynthia and Brittany . The little girl was very careful not to go through any door without looking first to Crane for permission . She looked so happy ! Maybe this was worthwhile . After all , what could go wrong ? " And here is the officer 's mess . If you need anything prepared in a special way , Cookie will assist you . All the crew has been advised that you are the only one that can handle Brittany 's food . There should be no problems . " Cynthia gave a warm smile to Cookie and thanked him for his kindness . Brittany told him that she really liked ice cream and that it was all right for her to have some , but only for dessert ! Then they both were introduced to Doc . " Are you going to give me shots ? " a very nervous Brittany asked . " No , I am here only if there is a problem . Your mother is supposed to take care of you during your trip and I will help her if she asks . But I do not give shots without a good reason . " " Brittany " Cynthia asked , " would you like to go to bed ? It is way past the time you are usually asleep . " Turning to the Seaview doctor she added , " Thank you very much for your time . If there is any need , I will let you know . " After Brittany was tucked in and asleep , Cynthia went to the officer 's mess and settled down with a cup of hot chocolate . Lee and Chip came in five minutes later and sat down in front of her . ' She looks so tired and alone ! ' Chip thought . ' I wonder where her husband is . He should be here . ' " I must admit I had some doubts when this was mentioned to me , but I was wrong . I think you will enjoy this cruise . At least , I hope so . " Lee answered . Changing the subject , he asked , " You said you traveled over Europe when you were a student . Where did you go ? " " A little here , a little there . I was majoring in linguistics and language evolution . Traveling by train , bus and foot gave me a pretty good understanding of people and why sometimes it is so hard to understand each other , even with the same language . Imagine with different ones . Definitions of what is funny or offensive vary with culture , language , history , environment , and many other things . I learned a lot . That is where I met Carl , Brittany 's father . I thought it was for life , but I was wrong . He left when Brittany turned one year old . Can 't say I blame him , a seriously ill child does not make for an easy life . Afterward , I came back home . And as they say , the rest is history . If you will excuse me , I will go check on Brittany and then turn in . I believe Chief Sharkey has something planned for tomorrow . He mentioned something about scuba gear . " " Good night . Do not hesitate to call if you need anything . " Lee sat down and nursed his coffee . I was cold , so he pushed it aside . Looking in the distance , he started thinking about Cynthia . She was so strong ! How could she be so calm , so kind with those around her when her own world was collapsing ? He could not help but think about her eyes when she was looking at her child . They actually changed color ! They went from violet to almost black . " Lee … Lee ! … LEE … " Chip repeated . " Earth to Lee , come in please . " " Brittany ? She is so small , Chip . She needs so much , and I don 't mean stuff . Did you notice how happy she looked when Kowalski let her listen to the sonar ? And when she looked through the periscope ? " " Lee , she needs a childhood , and these three days are probably the only one she will have . We have to make them the best we can and there is nothing more we can do . Or anyone can do . " " Maybe there is nothing you can do about what is happening to Brittany , but you can still be there for Cynthia . When her daughter dies , she will need someone . If she lets you in , be there . " Chip stood up and left the room . That night Lee Crane did not sleep much . He kept thinking about a woman with long dark hair , violet eyes and with dark honey - colored skin . About a little girl , who did not have much time left . Who would not grow to travel over Europe , would not go to college … . The shout made Crane jump out of bed and rush into the corridor . It was Cynthia 's voice and there were sounds of fighting . Just as he rounded the corner to get to her cabin , he saw Barcley literally fly into the bulkhead . A very angry and disheveled Cynthia Casavant stood over him . " That man knocked on my door saying that he had a message from Chief Sharkey . When I opened it , he pushed me back and started to hit me . He kept saying that I should not be allowed on the boat , because half - breeds should not even be left to live . " She took a deep breath and continued . " I guess he didn 't expect me to know self - defense . " A now livid Crane looked at Barcley , then at Cynthia , who was holding a sobbing Brittany . He reached for the wall mike . " Master - at - arms , come to guest cabin B , arrest Crewman Barcley and put him in the brig . " Turning to Barcley he said " Formal charges will be laid against you and I will see to it that you get what you deserve for this ! " Sharkey and Kowalski came running and took in the scene in an instant . " Come on , you slime , time to put you where you belong ! " Sharkey , usually the epitome of even temper , was as angry as anyone remembered seeing him . Both men started dragging Barcley between them . " Captain , are you going to take the word of that witch over mine ? Why don 't you side with your own people ? " Barcley yelled as he was taken away . By that time , both Morton and Nelson had arrived . Nelson went toward Cynthia and Brittany and started to apologize to them . Before he could even get the first word out , Cynthia cut him off . " I would like to go back to Santa Barbara . If there is a civilian ship nearby , I don 't mind being transferred . If not , Brittany and I will remain in our cabin until we reach port . " With that said , she turned on her heels , closed and locked the door . The three senior officers did not know what to say or do . This little outing had started so well . Chip looked at Lee and then at Nelson . " I may have a suggestion . " He raised his hands to silence his two superior officers . " Ms . Casavant is very protective of her daughter and they both got scared . Even if she can defend herself , she probably never expected this to happen on the Seaview . After all , we were supposed to protect them since they are our guests . " Chip took a deep breath and continued : " Lee , Ms . Casavant trusts you , I think you can talk her out of her cabin and keep the tour going , if only for Brittany . " Nelson looked pensive . " I think Chip is right . There is no need for you to be in the control room for our return to Santa Barbara . O ' Brien can take up some slack , and between him and Chip , we should be able to find our way home . " " I suggest you get dressed first , and then we will both talk to her . " Nelson said to a grateful Lee . " Yes , sir . Thank you . " Kowalski , Paterson and a few others were discussing the events of the early morning . General consensus was that Barcley should be keelhauled on the spot . " What went through his mind anyway ? " Riley asked . " I don 't know , but it was obvious to me that the skipper was taking this very seriously . " Kowalski answered . " Think he will end up in jail ? Because I would like to throw away the key . " Paterson was very disturbed by this . Ms . Casavant and her daughter were really nice . They never were in the way , nor did they seem to expect special treatment from the crew . Not like some of the scientists who were often guests of the Admiral . " Well , I think somebody should teach some manners to Barcley . " Rodriguez did not like Barcley much either . He always was insinuating things about people . " And none of you is to do it ! " All the men stood up when they heard Mr . Morton 's voice . " I know how you feel , but it would not solve the problem , it would only compound it . AND it would land the skipper in hot water . It is enough that he has to take responsibility for the crew , he does not need you to add to it . " The key turned in the lock and the door opened . Looking over the room , Crane saw Brittany sitting on the bed , busy with a coloring book . She looked up and smiled at him . He returned the smile and waved at her . " I will call the doctor , you should have this looked at . " Nelson said in a tone that did not leave room for arguing . After Doc left the room , shaking his head , Crane told Cynthia that they had turned toward Santa Barbara and that they would arrive around 1600 today . Cynthia nodded and thank him . Little Brittany was not too happy . Nelson cleared his throat " Maybe we can salvage Brittany 's trip . We will keep going toward Santa Barbara . However , I think we can still go ahead with what was planned . Captain Crane will remain with you for the rest of the cruise . Is this OK with you Ms . Casavant ? " " I … , Oh , all right , we will go and see the fishes and the scuba gear . However , you are to stay close to me , is that understood ? " Brittany took the Admiral 's hand and they turned toward the lab . Not having children of his own , Nelson was intrigued by the little girl 's chatter . She had such a different view of things than adults . ' I guess what I take for ordinary and mundane was new and exciting at one point . I wonder when it stopped being so . ' Lee and Cynthia were walking silently behind . When they reached the lab , Nelson and his small guest started the visit . Brittany looked so happy and the Admiral was also enjoying himself , much to his surprise ! " No , you did not fail . How could you read the mind of that man ? He is responsible for his own actions . Do not blame yourself . " " I don 't know . Did you have something in mind ? " She smiled at him and he felt something warm inside . What could it be ? Did he like her that much after only two days ? This was insane ! But he liked being close to her , even if they were not speaking or looking at each other . She just needed to be there , in the room , and he felt that warmth . " Would you like to go somewhere , like a picnic , when we return ? " Lee was putting a backpack in his car when Chip drove up next to him . " And where are you going ? Is this a private party or can anyone join in ? " Chip asked with a smile . Lee looked at his friend and decided to come clean . It would be easier that way . " I 'm on my way to pick up Cynthia and Brittany . We are going for a picnic on the beach . And , no , you are not invited . " " I think she would be the best thing to happen to you in a while . I 've noticed how you look at each other when you think nobody is paying attention . She likes you too , so you have my best wishes . Just let me know if you need a baby - sitter . I 'll transfer the call to Angie . " With a laugh , Chip waved goodbye and was gone . Lee met the Casavants in front of their apartment building . It looked old and shabby , but according to Cynthia , it was OK . She did not need much and it was filling her current needs . She worked from home translating and proofreading documents . Brittany looked even more frail than the last time he saw her , only a week ago . A questioning look at Cynthia and she mouthed ' later ' . The drive to the beach was pleasant . Brittany was thrilled to ride in the bright red sports car . It made her feel important and she knew that her mom could never afford something like this . They were lucky to know Captain Crane so he could take them is his beautiful car . Wishing she were not so tired all the time , she settled in the back seat and promptly fell asleep . Cynthia looked over her shoulder , saw her sleeping daughter and smiled . " I think we just lost a player in the back seat . The movement and sound of a car make her sleep in no time . She always was like that . I remember going for midnight drives around the block to calm her down after treatments . I 'm still surprised that it worked then and still works now . " " Her system is shutting down . The bone marrow can barely make enough red blood cells to carry oxygen . We are scheduled to enter the hospital in two days . It will be easier for her . The pain is getting worse and she will need IV painkillers . " Lee could not bring himself to ask the next question . Cynthia sensed it and gave him the answer . " One week , ten days at most . " " Please keep going . I want her to have this . I will need it too , to remember her doing something that celebrates life . I want to thank you for all you are doing for us . I never thought I would meet someone who would see my little girl as a child , not a disease or a handicap . One guy even told me to call him back when she was dead , then we could go out and there would be no ' constraints ' on what we could do . " Lee did not know what to say at this revelation . His mind was working overtime , trying to find something to say to her , to make things better . But it was blank . Cynthia started talking again . She did not seem to notice his lack of reply . " Brittany made several drawings as thank - you notes for your crew . Remind me to give them to you when we get back . They 're actually pretty good . A lot of them have the Seaview and fishes in the foreground . " Then Cynthia pointed to a small road on the left . " Turn here , go slow and we should be there in about three minutes . It is pretty secluded . Brittany does not like swimming with lots of people around . " Brittany awoke to Captain Crane 's laughter . They had reached the beach and Mom had started unpacking . " Mommy , can I go in the water now ? I promise not to take off my sandals . " " Yes honey , and I will go with you . Are you coming along with us ? " Cynthia asked , turning to the Seaview Captain . " Of course , I am the lifeguard after all . " The three of them removed T - shirts and jeans and walked toward the ocean . The waves were a bit cold , but not enough to turn back . Brittany wrapped her arms around her mother 's neck and Cynthia started swimming , with the child in tow . After a while , Lee took over . He was a strong swimmer and the child so light ; he kept going longer than Cynthia could . After drying out a little , they spread out the blanket and took the food out of the small icebox . Somehow , everything tasted better to Lee . He looked at Cynthia , noticing the long legs , her face with the beautiful eyes that changed colors . ' I think I am falling for her . Could Chip be right ? Could she like me ? She has so much on her mind now , with Brittany , I can 't add my feelings to this . I wish I knew what to do or say ! ' Brittany started building a sandcastle and refused any help from the two adults . They settled back on the blanket . Lee could feel Cynthia 's sun - warmed skin close to him . He took her hand in his and started examining her fingers . Her hand was slender , with long fingers . She felt warm , and so soft . With a sigh , she leaned on his shoulder . " We should be going back . It has been a long day for Brittany . " Packing was done within a minimum of time and they went back up the small road . Brittany fell asleep in the car again and the drive back was quiet . When they reached the building , Cynthia asked Crane to carry the little girl up to her apartment . When Lee crossed the door , he saw a small two bedroom flat , with minimal furniture , drawings taped to the walls , a dinning table with two foldout chairs and a small couch . Cynthia took the child from him and put her in her bed , making sure the monitor was on . She kissed her daughter and walked out of the room . Turning to Lee she said , " I have the drawings Brittany made . Let me get them . " She walked into her own room and came out one minute later with a pile of papers in her hands . Lee picked up the paper from her hands and started looking at them one by one , putting them down on the table . Cynthia was right , these were pretty good . Turning to her , he saw something in her eyes that she never let on before : pain , fear , and loneliness . He opened his arms and Cynthia flew into them . Holding on to him like she was drowning , she started crying . " I 'm sorry , I promised myself that I would not do this to you , but I can 't help it . " Cynthia said between sobs . He dried her tears with his fingers , tightened his hold on her and kissed her forehead . " Cynthia , I know I should not say this to you , especially now , but I care for you and Brittany , a lot . Please let me be with you for a while . I want to help . " " Thank you . Please stay . I have been alone with this for so long , I forgot what it feels like to have someone to turn to . " She raised her face and kissed him softly . " I … Would you stay tonight ? " " Then , stay . " She kissed him again and he returned it . When it stopped , he wanted to explode with his feelings for her . This time , he started the kisses and they changed into caresses and soft sighs . She stepped back from his embrace and took his hand . Guiding him to her bedroom , she closed the door behind them . Lee woke up , wondering where he was . Then it came back ! Cynthia ! She was curled against him , sleeping soundly , a small smile on her lips . He could hear the sounds coming from Brittany 's room , her breathing and the beep of the monitor . The clock radio said 0300 . He tried to get back to sleep , but could not . Too many things on his mind . Next to him , Cynthia stirred and raised herself on her elbow . " It 's only 3AM . Is this a Navy thing to have only short sleep times or is it just you ? " " We are gathered here today to say goodbye to Brittany Casavant . " The priest was reciting the formal prayer . Cynthia was leaning heavily on Lee . Chip was close to both of them . Just in case . He did not like the look in her eyes . His friend 's mother had the same look and she had let herself die of pain and grief in less than a month . After the service , the Seaview crew came one by one to pay their respects to Cynthia . Paterson and Kowalski also included the skipper in their words . ' How could they know ? ' wondered Lee , ' we have not told anyone , except Chip and the Admiral . ' " Thank you . " Lee was grateful to have friends like Chip and the Admiral . They had taken over the whole thing , the Admiral even paying for the hospital bills that Cynthia just could not keep up with . Over her protests , he said that this was a loan and that she could pay back as she could . Strangely , no one from her family showed up , even if they had been informed of Brittany 's death . The only people in the church had been from Seaview and the Institute , and one elderly lady for Cynthia 's apartment building . Cynthia did not seem surprised that no family showed up . He could not ask her why . It could wait . " I know , " Lee answered her " this is where my apartment is . I want you to move in with me . I don 't want you alone in those empty rooms . " " Too late , all your stuff is already here . The Admiral arranged everything with your former landlord . If my boss approves , I don 't think anyone else would argue . " " If you say so . " Cynthia agreed . This worried Lee . She was agreeing with everything either Chip , Nelson or himself suggested . He saw the same worry on Chip 's face . Taking her hand , he guided her into his home and gave he a tour . Boxes containing her belongings were in his room , Brittany 's in one of the guestroom . " I was afraid somebody would throw away Brittany 's things . Like she never existed . I think I will unpack now . " Cynthia walked into the room containing her beloved daughter 's possessions , knelt by the first box and opened it . It contained some puzzles , stuffed animals , and well used toys . Each one was reviewed and replaced carefully in the box . Both men went to the kitchen for coffee . " Think I did the right thing in bringing her here ? " asked Lee . " Yes , when my school friend died , his father removed everything from the house that could remind his mother of him . No one was allowed to talk about it . I think that was what really killed her . That she was the only one who would remember her child . " Neither noticed Cynthia , standing in the doorway . She sigh and smiled . He would let her remember and cherish her memories . He would talk about all this with her . The world seemed a little bit less gray . " Yes , sir . " " What is the meaning of this ? I asked for my research reports to be copied and made presentable for my conference . What happened ? I know it is not your fault , you were on vacation , but I want the head of whoever bungled this ! ! " " The temp sent by the agency was not as good as we were lead to believe , sir . I will try to get everything done by Wednesday . " Angie was not worried about herself . She just hoped that Nelson would leave some of the little airhead standing so she could have a shot at her herself . " You would not happen to know someone who could arrange all this inside of two days , would you ? " Nelson asked without hope . " What needs to be done ? " " I 'll ask Cynthia . She has this talent for going through clutter . " Lee smiled , just mentioning his wife . It had taken some time but she finally said yes . Twenty minutes later , Cynthia entered the office . " Wow ! What happened ? I knew you should not be left alone , sir . " Nelson rolled his eyes and just walked out of the whole mess . Lee followed him , landing a laughing kiss on his wife 's lips . Cynthia looked at his retreating back , then turned toward Angie . " What did I say ? " " Exactly the same thing as Lee , with almost the same words . I don 't think the Admiral is ready to have two of you , one at sea and one on land . Come on , if we want this finished , we had better start . " Picking through the piles of folders , loose papers and notebooks , Angie and Cynthia worked in companionable silence . When she ( finally ! ) reached the glass - protected desk , Cynthia froze . There , just were the Admiral was working , protected by the glass pane , Brittany 's thank - you picture . " Yes , honey , you will always be remembered . " |
Before the Fires , I never really liked Nogales . It 's not that it wasn 't nice ( although , in my opinion , most of the most noticeable areas are awful ) , but it was too clumped together , too much disorder ) , but nothing would prepare me from how Nogales seemed right now . The road itself was blocked by piles and piles of scrap and concrete barriers , all covered with rusted , pointed protrusions , large enough to penetrate the engine of a fast - movin car . There were military cars , black from the smoke of previous fires , and all of them devoid of diesel or gas . There were skeletons , some were picked cleanly of their meat , possible by vultures , others showed signs of fire . The silence was thick enough to cut it with a knife , and the landscape looked horribly torn apart . I was running out of diesel , and I certainly knew that I was gonna be fresh meat from the moment someone saw the jeep . It pained me to do it , but I ditched the jeep with the generator . I removed the radio as best I could . I took some water and rations , as well as my two remaining guns ( my beretta and my Xiuhcoatl rifle ) , I donned the modified armor and started advancing . My dogs were silent , but they were sniffing around , and listening . I swear the place was as quiet as a tomb , but all of a sudden I could hear a few dozen gunshots being fired not far from where we were . I hid quickly and my dogs followed suit , and we could hear the rumbling of a car and a few people yelling as they shot back at others who were chasing them . I waited for a while and kept on walking . . . " The story of Sonora is as old and as long as the Sonora River " . At least that 's how the first few lines of some history books start . After the last incident , I tried to stand away from the highways . The jeep can take it , I knew that . The state is not exactly flat , but it was pleasant enough to avoid some natural hazards as well . I had to check on the tires at least a few times , though . The past owners were not exactly kind to the car , and the tires showed signs of heavy use . The dry desert stretched on for hours as I was driving along , and I could a few cars that have been abandoned in the highway . Not as many as in Hermosillo , but there were plenty . During the travel , I stopped through several of the smaller towns , making quick runs for fuel and food , but I had to leave quickly and going around the cities , instead of rushing through . I wasn 't gonna take my chances on finding anyone there . However , the nearby villages alongside the Sonora River were of great use . These smaller towns , mostly run by farmers and ranchers , were far less dependent on technology , and better prepared to fend for themselves . There was , however , a lot of people in them . Most of them refugees that came from the nearby cities , many of them were young , and did not know how to work the fields or to take care of the cattle . Most of them tried to work a living in whatever they could do : Menial work , some of them were doctors , but even with their knowledge , they had to learn about herbs and actual pharmaceutical work , mixing reactives and so . And then there were the thieves and whores . People with no actual skill , and many of them from formerly wealthy families that thought that , with their names , they might have stuff . Tough fucking luck . Many of them began to learn that , with isolation , came with its own set of laws and rules . It 's not to say that they 're savages , but most of the farmers and ranchers were not going to tolerate some snot - nosed kid or wise - ass bastard to be stealing , so the law of the land was the law of the gun or the noose . TheyPublicado por I never thought that a simple thing as rain would be so liberating . I stood far from the highway , when I stopped for rest . I did lots of fuel runs to keep the jeep with enough gas to go to Tempe . It was night , but there were no starts , the clouds were covering them . The jeep had a small cop radio attached to it , so I was able to pick up radio signals if possible , but at the moment it was silent . My dogs were sleeping together when the rain started to fall . It was strong and full of thunder , it was that calm and cold November rain , the kind that chills your bones the next day . The raindrops fell constantly , but they were small , and the sound put me to sleep . I dreamed of our time in the museum , of Lisa 's cute voice and singing , her love for the animals , and her hope to find a place where we could call home ; I dreamed of Karen , her sweet words , her joyous laughter ; of us , exploring each other 's bodies in the night , her smell , her tears in her eyes when she told me we were going to be parents . I wanted to cry , I really wanted to , but the moment the first sniff was done , the sound of the door opening up woke me Two people in front of me , and maybe a third was in the back . The two people were armed with revolvers . They ordered me out of the car . I did , and then I whipped out my Beretta and pointed it at one of them in the head , at point blank . The three men ordered me to throw away the gun , while I yelled them to leave me lone , they continued to shot and I responded with the same intensity , buying myself enough time to they wouldn 't expect me to shoot both men in the head . The third guy shaked , threw his gun ( a hunting rifle ) , and started running into the night , panicked . I took the rifle and shot at his direction , hearing a thumping sound in the ground . I walked , and saw him crawling on the ground , begging me to let him live . He wasn 't gonna last much in the desert , so I did the sensible thing to do . I walked towards the jeep , rain still falling . It felt as if all the bad deeds , all the regrets , all the pain , was washed Publicado por Me and my dogs stayed in the museum for a little longer . Days . Maybe a couple of weeks , it didn 't matter anymore . I was no longer myself . I buried Lisa and Karen , and burned the rest of ' em . Didn 't matter anymore . Still , I wasn 't able to kill myself , something in me would not let me . So I instead made a makeshift speakers with some wires , a couple of disposable dishes , and some aluminum foil . I 've been listening music from my mp3 player , at least for a few hours . The men brought enough food that me and my dogs never really needed to step outside . I looked on their gear : Weapons , ammo , food , water , medicine , you name it . There was even a few ceramic plates for personal armor . I tried to remove any idle thoughts by placing the plates inside the old Spanish Armor . It was a little rough , but I was able to do it , via trial and error that is . The music was pretty much a godsend . It helped me not to fall deeper into depression , but the work I was doing also helped me . It took me days , but I was able to learn to use the radio . Most of it was trial and error , but a little of it was thanks to observation , looking at Karen move the radio . After much silence , I was able to find another person . He called himself Johnson , and said he was from Tempe . I asked him what was going on in the US , and told me of the situation : It seems America was in mess , just as here . The Federal Government started rationing oil and electricity , and only for keeping the peace . Local governments and militia types started to revolt , and already states like Texas and Florida started to call themselves " independent " from the US . Most other state governments started to do supply raids in neighboring territories , including Mexican cities . It seemed that I met one of these men , as I saw a series of codes right next to me console , written in paper . The writing was not Karen 's , or Lisa 's . I told him what was going on here , but I didn 't go into much detail . I never mentioned the girls . He told me they needed good people in Tempe , and if I came , I 'd be treated nicePublicado por Wounded , angry , and tied up is no way to survive in a post - apocalyptic wasteland . But that was my situation . It was night , and they held me tight and well watched . Most of my wounds were treated , though . I could only hear the calm burning of wood in a fire , the small talk of some of the men , and crickets . My dogs , my faithful beagles , were locked in a makeshift cage , close to me . They waggled their little tales at the sight of me waking up , but they did mournful whimpers , instead of the joyful pants and dog smiles . Lisa was dead . And Karen was nowhere to be seen . I feared for the worst . One of the guys stood in front of me , with a metal coffee mug and what seemed to be military rations . He wolfed it down and took big gulps as he looked at me . I simply stared , why I was testing the ropes , so how well the knots were tied . He said , in english , that it was " that bitch 's fault " of what happened , that they would 've only kicked us out of this place . He sat down , and looked at my hands . I kept myself still . He made a quick laughed and assured me that the noose was well made . Another man came in , and said that it was " his turn " . The guy stood up , looked at me and told me that " she 's now the official hooker " . I waited for all of them to sleep . I finally was able to slip away from the knot , and took a knife that was in the table . No one survived that night . I remember little , but I do remember my breathing , the slowly moving towards the men , the sudden gushing sound of the blood pouring out as the knife cleaved in . The sudden muffled screams . The one thing I do remember was Karen , though . She was tied and naked on one of the rooms . She was beaten up , bruises all over her face , her blonde hair all messed up . I was angry , angry at them . At myself . She cried , and said my name in a whisper . I came with her and hugged her . She hugged me back and cried longer . She dressed , but , about the time we were in the room , gathering stuff , she took a gun , and . I can 't write anymore about this . I just can 't . I 'm crying as I type this . God , why ? Had IPublicado por I ran like hell . And for the first time in weeks , I didn 't notice the gunfire , nor the running of the car engines . Note to self , always keep a cool head . I reached the museum quickly and opened the door . I closed it and shut it off with the barricade . Karen and Lisa came darting down the stairs and saw me in the hallway , asking me what was going on . Then the gunfire started . I 'm guessing they thought the door was gonna give in easily with the first ten shots , and then proceeded to stop . I yelled them to run and then a thunderous roar made way to a powerful blast that ripped open the door of the museum . We closed the door that lead to the second floor , and sealed shut the main hallway . We could hear them coming in , and they tried to take some shots at us . They hurt Karen in the shoulder , but me and Lisa managed to stay okay . We ran upstairs , and they kept shooting as from the closed doors . This time they got Lisa in the back . I roared in anger and shot back , emptying the clip at them . And failed miserably at hitting any of them . Karen pleaded me to get up therer , I snapped back and complied . We got everything ready : Guns , ammo , explosives , the works . I still think this place is my favorite refuge , but it was compromised . I 'll miss having electricity . The men came , guns blazing . We were overrun , and outgunned . Some of them , looking at Karen , whistled and laughed , making dirty remarks she responded . One of them came and told us to surrender our guns . Karen shot him in the nuts . And the guys shot back . I blacked out , and woke up weak , tied , and pissed . The seed bank used to be a modest building : A very large building that looked more like warehouse , painted dark green , and infront of it , written in large bold yellow letters were the words : " HERMOSILLO SEED BANK " . But it had changed : The large metal doors have been ripped open , the words were almost left blank , graffiti was everywhere . But the fact that the doors were open worried me the most . I felt I was too late . But I wasn 't gonna go back with nothing . I loaded the AK and started moving . My steps made a wide echo as I walked on , the large metal ceiling had evidence of bird nests , and the occasional soft sound of a pigeon flying about . I looked everywhere , and it seems that , contrary to what I thought , the place was indeed ransacked . I looked around , and found very little seeds , but this would do : Mostly beans , corn , squash , bit of tomatoes , and to my luck , sweet oranges . While looking for seeds , you have see if they 're organic , if not , it 's a good chance the fruit won 't have seeds , and that means a one shot investment . The upside is , they 're tougher . I was gonna leave from the same place I entered , until I heard the rumbling sound of a machine , slowly making it 's way . I could hear the screeching of wrecked steel moving , and some people talking in English . I quickly hid , and waited . I saw a group of men , all with military gear , but they didn 't look like soldiers , then I saw a tank . Big one , with desert cammo painted all over . Over it , there was a small white flag with a snake and the words " DON ' T TREAD ON ME " writen below the coiled snake in black bold letters . I had no idea who these men were , but I wasn 't gonna plan on asking . However , they did got inside the building , so I needed to move quietly . I sneaked past them , and left the building . Once I was far enough , I started to run , hoping they would not notice the single guy darting the street . One of the things I missed the most : Music . Silence is a two - edged sword : For one , it comforts you , it tells you you 're safe , it lets you sleep . On the other side , it 's also a reminder that you are alone , that there is no cavalry that will help you whether you 're surrounded by gangs , starving , or worst yet : Thirst . Which leads me to this entry , which , after the last one , is probably one of my happiest entries so far . We started looking for supplies near the market : Obviously it was empty . The hospital near it just as well , but the most eerie thing was the silence : Heavy , long , and frightening silence . It kept you on you feet , but it also let your imagination a wide space for it t play with your head : Every corner was a possible ambush . Every building could very well be at the point of falling apart . Karen and Lisa were there to keep me from going paranoid , and my dogs helped us to confirm that , in fact , we were alone . We looked everywhere in the old hospital ( which kept most of its modernist feel , despite decades of lack of maintenance , and the chaos of the Fires ) for any scraps , but there wasn 't any medicines or food supplies . Even pieces of metal were ripped and torn open . We did , however , found something that would later on be the most useful find . In the supplies section , near the well - decayed corpse of a possible looter , was a portable generator . The thing seemed to run on diesel , and it looked very heavy , but this thing would help a lot in the museum . I told the girls to stay there and keep an eye for anyone . I got out and started looking for a car and stuff to help us move . I found an old truck - still with fuel - that wasn 't damaged ( very ) , some rope and a few pieces of cloth to help us haul the generator into the back of the car . It took us about a couple of hours and a lot of noise ( I swear I was nervous all the time ) , but we were able to load it . Lisa had found a single diesel container still full of fuel , so that was more than useful . We moved slowly , due to the cars smashed and stalled in the middle of the Publicado por It had been hours since we arrived at the shelter . Karen helped me clean my wounds , and I rested for a while . We waited about three days - going out only to find food and water - until we finally moved out of the shelter . There was no people left near the city center , as we approached . Everything that was prized for looted mas mostly gone , or expired . We found only scraps of medicine and water , not to mention food . We fed on rats and pigeons , but thankfully the sour oranges were still intact . Lisa had a keen eye for searching places , while me and Karen moved the stuff . I found some books and canned goods , while Karen had water and medicine with her . She asked me where we were going . I smiled and pointed at the Cerro de la Campana , the massive stone hill that was the landmark of the city . Right besides it lies an old prison , then turned into a museum . The place was solid , with exterior walls of massive stone and several small battlements and only a small part built on brick . The place , despite to keep people in , was strong enough to be used as a massive shelter . I knew well the layout of the place , but what worried me was if it was inhabited . That question would the answered shortly . Getting near there , I noticed that the flimsy wooden door of the main entrance was still intact . As we got there through the main stairs , we couldn 't open the door . It was barred from the inside . There was , however , a service door that was useful , right besides the main entrance . This was a tall iron fenced gate , as tall as the stone walls ( perhaps about 16 - 20 feet ) . It took a while , but me and Karen climbed through that fence and opened that door to Lisa . We locked it back and got inside , carefully . The silence was thick in the prison , with only the sound of pigeons and that of the wind , moving the trees surrounding the building . We opened the service door that led to the lobby and we saw that the previous occupants were long dead , their bodies rotting on the floor . One of them had a gun in their hand , a revolver , and a single shot in the hePublicado por I was down and out , at least in a figure of speech . I could still hear Karen telling me to keep up , while she was carrying me . I felt hot , and weak . Mostly weak and very tired . I haven 't been drinking much water for the last days , and I didn 't clean most of the wounds from the previous gunfight with the rogue soldiers when I needed to , so I 'm sure there was an infection . Karen kept pulling me , as far as I knew , and she kept calling my name , keeping me alive . The little girl also helped , I felt her little hands wrapped around my arms , crying softly as they pulled me . It was the only thing that kept me here . However , I was still not dead . With a last effort , I slouched off , telling them about where the shelter was , I gave two steps and finally collapsed on the ground , feeling the hard pavement pounding my head . I had a vision : Days before the Fires , I pretty much saw a common day that was for me : Waking up , walking the dogs , running , bathing and going to college , returning home for thesis work , checking Facebook , returning to campus to defend my thesis , and so on . I felt a bit of nostalgia and sadness for the world that was , the world that shall never be again . But , as some people have pointed out , we needed a clean slate . Our society was too centered on having more , no matter the cost . We killed , we did things , horrible things , for the desire of instant gratification . What happened now , with the looting , the slaving raiders , all this is just all these past sins revealed , the veneer of civility removed . Our own demons had surfaced . One day , these demons will be conquered , I thought . I woke up in my shelter , with one of my dogs sleeping right alongside me , the other was looking at me , his little tail waggling with joy , the other dog looked at me and waggled her own , patting my rib with it . Karen was helping the little girl ( her name was Elizabeth , but we called her Lisa ) sleep in the sleeping bag . She looked at me and smiled . I smiled back and called her name . She took a cup with water and gave it to me . I tried to get up , Publicado por It 's not so hard to believe that , with any semblance of civilization gone , humans have gone to a state of brutal barbarism . Here I am , in what it used to be one of the most luxurious residential communities , now turned into a fortress . Hell , look at how the city turned out with just one heavy solar activity . Granted , it took out a lot of the things we so selflessly depended on , and Mexico wasn 't particularly a peaceful country a few months back before the Fires , but all this turned it for the worst . I thought about the horror stories some of the survivors told me when I was at the hospital : Former friends , colleagues and acquaintances turning on each other , the rampant murder , theft and rape from the unsuspected , the violence . Order was needed . Justice was needed . As I walked through la Joya , I saw more and more boarded up homes , but no one was to be seen . Only pikes in some parts of the streets . Some of them had heads . The smell of carrion , shit , and something worse was heavy in the hot summer sun . I gripped heavily on my beretta , when I heard the pickups coming back . I was lucky enough to hide behind the houses when the cars passed through . They were driving slow , and on the lookout . I knew I should 've disposed the bodies . They 'll be looking for me ; but on the other hand , they don 't know it 's just me , I could use that for my advantage . I could use diversions to take them out little by little , playing on their fear . I just needed a plan . I moved slowly , following them down the road , I holstered the beretta , and got only my knife with me . They finally arrived to an enormous mansion . The black wrought iron fence was immaculate , comparing it to the other houses . The house was white and pretty much intact , save for some impromptu towers made of wood , derelict debris , and some pieces of solid concrete . There were , it seemed for of them , each for every corner of the house . Beautiful cypress tress surrounded the house , but the apparent beauty of the place was removed because of the guards : Most of them were of bulky build , wPublicado por Just as I got in the last house and set up my rifle , the gunshots started . Obviously , the dogs alerted my presence , and it was hard to look for cover , but there was a chimney that worked quite nicely for that . I tried to see where the shooter were at , but I couldn 't see anything , other than that the shots came form La Joya , I nearly got shot in the head trying to peer again , so I knew this place was no longer safe . I ran for it , and more shots came . One hit my arm as I jumped to another rooftop , so I wasn 't able to hold on . I fell , and I grabbed in pretty much anything to avoid killing myself in the fall . I hurt like hell , but I was still alive , and very pissed off . Finally , I was able to see who was shooting at me . It was a trio of snipers in the hilltop , just above where the gated entrance of the residencial . I pointed my rifle and hoped the bullet flew true . I was able to shoot down one of them , hitting him in the head . The others , puzzled , tried to look for me , but the fact that I fell behind some bushes and tthat I was prone helped a lot . After a few failed shots , I managed to hit the other in the shoulder . The third ran away . I stood up , my arm hurting like hell , as well as my legs , but the good thing about adrenaline is that it keeps you going . I walked slowly , and did not got in straight through the entrance ; instead , I walked through the underbrush that grew alongside it . I could hear cars coming out of the place , and there they were : Three pick up truck , all with men and women armed to the teeth . I was scared , but I wasn 't gonna let that fly . I hid and remained silent . As they passed by , they let a few guards in the gate . Hopefully I would be able to take them down , I thought . I took out my knife , and the gun , leaving my rifle in my back . I moved slowly , and closer . They were talking about how the rogue soldiers were getting closer . I moved slowly , and closer . Their guns were in decrepit conditions . I moved slowly , and shot one in the neck . The other , slow to react , drew his uzi at me , but I rushed in and slaPublicado por So , where have I been ? Perhaps the best place to have landed in a post - apocalyptic city : A history museum based on a prison . I 'll give you later a bit of the basics of this place , which so far is my favorite shelter . La Joya is a rich neighborhood built on a hilltop , and even surrounded by even bigger hills from the north , it has only one entrance and , last I knew , it was well - guarded , so it makes it a natural choice to fortify and use as a hideout . Even a better choice if you have a good number of thugs under your command . There 's two ways to go anywhere near la Joya : One is going over the main street , but on plain view of anyone looking from above . The other is via another neighborhood on the other side of the road , right infront of la Jolla , problem is , I 've been seeing people patrolling that area . Fortunatelly , there 's plenty of wrecked cars , debris , houses and trees to use them as cover . Before getting any closer , I left my dogs in my home 's shelter . I figured they 'd be safer there than anywhere else . My dogs whimpered as I climbed out , and one let out a lamenting howl ; it brought a few tears in my eyes , because I well knew this would kill me . I moved silently , trying to avoid looters and rogue soldiers . I heard the odd gunfight here and there , and kept myself quiet . After a few hours , I finally found myself in the street . The name is Pitic , and is another rich district ( most of the affluential people lived near the hotel section , this being the presentation of the nicest parts of the city , if you came form the northern highway that led to the border ) , I moved slowly , hoping no one would notice me . That is when I heard the barking of dogs , big ones . I looked back and I saw a pack of two rottweilers , a german shepperd and a boxer , all running towards me , barking menacely . I wasn 't gonna waste my bullets on them , so I ran , there was several tall trees , and I figure I could climb one and leap from there to an nearby house . I climbed a very tall , but dead tree . The dogs were barking mad , the german sheppered near torPublicado por What the old man told me , gave me a lot of hindsight of what was I gonna face from here on , at least in the city . I do remember the first days the Fires struck , though . There was no electricity , save in hospitals , government buildings and the odd home that had a diesel generator or two . Gas soon became a commodity , and food prices started to skyrocket . My dad got out of retirement , and started to work as a private doctor , just to get enough food . Classes were ' canceled until further notice ' , but some of my professors still gave them on the field . A few days later , the riots started . It started , at least here , when medical supplies were given not to a government hospital , but a private one that was surrounded by armed goons , hired by the most affluent members of the city . They were overwhelmed , however , and that gave origin to a riot on a supermarket , then another on city hall , several angry mobs of people raided the rich district and the hotel district , a military outpost was taken over , the soldiers dead and their guns distributed amongst the rioters . Chaos everywhere . That was when my story closes and the old man 's begins . He told me that , right after that , several soldiers broke rank and joined the rioters , many of them were already on the payroll of the drug dealers . As the days went on , the started to carve a feudal system of sorts , with several people moving out of town , to work in the fields for the dealers , whether for food or for supplies , most of them did so willingly , but they started rounding up people for slave labor . The most rich people spared their lives helping the cartels attacking other families , or giving up their servants , sons and daughters , wives , husbands or siblings . This was his case , that in an act of fear , he gave his own grand - daughter to the cartels . She was only twelve . Out of self - loathing and pity , he tried to join his other family members into committing suicide , but again , fear got the best of him , and vomited most of the pills , but some did took effect . He told me he wanted to die , Publicado por I 've talked much on how about the city : On what it has become , the damage , and the struggles within ; but I 've not talked about the weather . Supposedly , this is the rainy season , but it has been rather dry and hot this time around . However , the wind has blown quite a lot , and I have seen rain - heavy clouds just above the horizon . One thing is to protect from the elements when there 's power , civilization , order ; a different thing is when there 's no such thing : A heavy storm brings out lots of dust that will cover your visibility and will hamper your mobility . Thunderstorms will - a small chance , but it is quite real - knock you out permanently with lightning . Soaked in rain will bring a cold , and weaken you . You have to read the patterns , see the environment . Your knowledge is your most important weapon . Here , the sound of cicadas are the prelude for rain , there 's the excessive heat that is a dead giveaway that a huge storm is brewing , stuff like that . Indeed , a few hours after I buried my parents , the clouds were gathering . I needed shelter quickly . So I moved fast as I could . However , I needed to move away from where I was , the zone was heavy with looters days before , it was not gonna be different now . Me and my dogs kept moving in the shadows , and ran when we could . The sound of the wind howling in the rubble and the wreckage of cars was eerie , but it was more worrisome was the sound of the odd distant car , blistering narco - corridos ( music of Mexican bandas that praised the drug dealers ) and one of two gunshots . Looks like the drug lords were not messing around with their little idea of making a stronghold here . When the first drops of rain started to pour , I got into the old money neighborhood of the city . I was expecting wrecked cars , destroyed homes , fire . . . But there was nothing of that . The houses , perhaps not as big was other ' Old Money ' districts were intact . There was the odd car stalled in the middle of the road , but other than that , it seeemed that nothing happened here , as if civilization still was intact . The Publicado por No words of wisdom , no ostentatious tombstone , no parade of black cars ; just me , my dogs , and the unmarked grave of my parents , that was the way I buried them . I thought of the moments we had , the lessons my dad and mom taught me , what I truly learned from them , and remembered the love they had for me , and I for them . I left that grave , and took a last look at my house . There was nothing left , whatever was not bolted on the floor was gone , and even then . All , except a few pieces of personal documents ( birth certificate , passport and laser visa ) , as well as some books , too heavy for me to move . So I only took a few , and was on my way . We lived right in front of a supermarket , but raiding that was asking for trouble , who knows how many looters were holed up in there , or worse . Still , I was short on supplies , and I needed some extra things , so I ventured there . I readied my beretta , and my dogs were very alert . Whoever said beagles were useless in a survival scenario , they were wrong , beagles are very good trackers . With their nose , I was able to find some food , as well as water and batteries along the way . A bottle of good wine that was miraculously intact , and a can of powered milk . It was a good day . I took a copy of Don Quijote , as well as cooking book for outdoors , as well a set of small pans . The whole bulk of resources was slightly heavy , but nothing that I couldn 't do without at this rate . The question was : Where to , next ? The city was gonna be a battleground , and I honeslty had no wish to stay because of it . I had to move north , the weather 's cooler , there 's rivers , game , a new chance to live . On the other hand , I knew everyone would probably move north as well , so I 'd perhaps find more of the same , but it was still worth a shot . Need some sleep . Will continue on later . Sorry about the blackout . Had to relocate from the mayor 's house due to looters . The problem with being a long gunman is the fact that you don 't have a lot of backup . Too bad I had to leave the generator , but I am still alive and the computer still has some battery left , and I was able to rig up an antenna ( the techie died in the firefight , rest in peace Mike ) . I remember Alex well . Before the fires , I had a bit of crush on her . But , she was the kind of a girl that was born with a boyfriend in her hand , along with two replacements . I tried to date her with no avail , and so I preferred anonymity , living my life and trying to finish my career . And here she was , sleeping besides me ; I can 't say I wasn 't tempted , but I chose instead to doing guard and take a look at the rifle I took from the soldier , instead . I had no idea where to start , but I first started with getting familiar with the basic functions : Where the safety function was , how to remove the magazine , that kind of stuff . I got a bit away from her , as not to wake her up with the noise , but close enough to keep an eye on her and the supplies . I heard the noises of the soldiers looking for us , but we were safe enough . I saw one of my dogs cuddling with Alex , while the other , slightly older , walked near me and slumped beside me , giving out a tiresome nose exhalation , the dog 's version of a sigh . The next morning , we took a light breakfast : Fruit salad and tuna . Three cans less , and two cans left . I was seriously thinking on what to do next . As the day went on , I gave Alex a quick guide on how to shoot , but I made a suppressor with some junk I found . It wasn 't much , and it took several hours ( five , to be honest ) and several try - outs , but I did it . It wasn 't going to last much , but it was better than anything . I placed it on Alex 's gun , and we headed out to look for the other girls . The trail was easy to find , unfortunately . I did see the soldier 's footprints as well , so we moved quickly , but trying to keep to the shadows . We moved north , away from the main boulevarPublicado por The old wound is aching again , so this time I 'll be a little brief , if you excuse me . The soldiers had us surrounded , I guess it 's better to keep the stock and take the poor bastard 's stuff , right ? They were heavily armed , and well trained . It wasn 't like the looters in my house , any move I did would result in all of us getting killed . There were at least seven of them , most of them armed with the typical assault rifles of the mexican army ( what we used to call H & K G3 ) , and only whom he seemed the superior carried a fancy Xiuhcoatl assault rifle , battered up but still usable , from the looks of it . They all shouted that I raised my hands , and I complied . The girls started to cry , or at least whimper a bit , as one of the soldiers approached . I quickly grabbed him and used him as a shield . Didn 't matter much to the soldiers , as they still fired away , killing him . I fired a couple of shots with my beretta while the girls ran . Two soldiers went after them , but I killed one with a shot to the neck , and injured the other in his knee . I still had to deal with five pissed off soldiers , so I took cover quickly . Now instead of couting five , I saw two , not good . I looked back , only to find a soldier about to stab me in the neck with his knife . I shot him three times before he fell to the ground , his blood in my face . I ran to look for better cover , as bullets flew over my head . I took the other beretta and , with some cover , shot back . I would 've busted his head wide open , but I only managed to make the soldier 's helmet fly . Then , a soldier tried to sneak through me with his Xiuhcoatl , using his rifle butt to hit me . We strugled for a minuted , but I managed to take his rifle and shoot him a couple of times with the beretta . Three down , four more to go . I looked over again , and the other three soldiers were , from the looks of it , returning to campus . I could not let that fly . The rifle felt smoothly as I fired it , but I had a problem with the recoil . I managed to hit two soldiers , one in the back , the other in the neck . The third onPublicado por Damn rats , you have to keep them away from the cables , otherwise they 'll chew them off . Where was I ? Oh , yes , the city . I wanted nothing to do with the blow I found with the looters , but I knew it might give me an edge for barter . I took the pickup , it was the first time I drove one . It was difficult to move between the wreckage of the cars , so after half an hour of driving pretty much to nowhere , I decided that we needed to walk . I traveled light , and my dogs kept their eyes and ears well on the spot . Dodged a few more looters , most of them carried pipes , knives , maybe a gun or two , but I was outnumbered . I have never seen my dogs more quiet as I did those days . Maybe the felt that ' nothing was right ' ever since the Fires started . Maybe it was their survival instinct . I needed to get away from the city as fast as I could , but I was , honestly , afraid . We had to move slowly , block by block , avoid the big streets and keep to allies and already looted houses . The point was to keep moving and keep hiding . Maybe even scavenge what I could find . A little bit of water here , a bit of medicines over there ; also , the leg wound from the past firefight was aching , but it was nothing more than shrapnel , and I had to remove it during the night . All it took was a bit of wood to chew , some rubbing alcohol to clean the wound , hot tweezers , and lots of booze . It hurt like hell , and I drew a bit more blood , but I was able to make it . Bandaging the wound with part of my clothes ( soaked with what was left of the alcohol ) , I made sure the wound was clean . I didn 't slept well that night , not because of the wounds , but because of what I heard . Screams . Women 's screams . Apparently they were taking them . . . Somewhere . I did not know where back then . But I was scared shitless . I heard several men , and lots of machinery . Cars ? No , it was heavier . Tanks ? Could be . Morning came , and it was time to keep moving . Keep pushing forward . I ventured a bit in the less wrecked streets , and thankfully , there was no one . I set up shop in an abandoned bus andPublicado por It seems that every time I connect this computer to the generator , it glitches and dies off . Poor thing , most of the pieces I cobbled up together were slightly damaged from the Fires . So , how did my scrawny ass survived the pillaging of the first days ? The panic room , along with the supplies , was more than enough for me and my two dogs to survive a little more than two weeks . When food and water ran scarce , and the bathroom was pretty much smelling , we emerged . The house has torn to pieces , and pretty much everything was ransacked over and over : Food , water , knives , any electronics , clothes , you name it . I had the gun with me , and it felt heavy . I 've only used a gun once or twice during Military service , but that was , maybe a few years back . I had to teach myself how to use a gun , and how to defend myself . I knew a bit of hand to hand combat , but honestly , I didn 't felt any safer knowing that . My dogs were a bit nervous , and howling . We ran back to the shelter , but before I closed the lid , I heard a car parking infront of a car , and several people , possibly armed . The panic room ( more like a shelter , if you ask me ) was a simple thing : It was made below the backyard , the lid entrance covered by a patch of grass ( the one you used to see rolled up ) , wich you had to climb down , and the room was perhaps not bigger than my old room ( which was 16x19 feet ) , save it had a bathroom , a diesel engine , lots of cans of food and bottled water ( now eaten and drank ) , as well as a few amenities that kept me sane . Where was I ? Oh , yes , the men . I closed the lid ( and obviously placed the patch above it before ) and loaded the gun . My dogs weren 't barking , but their ears and eyes well placed on the lid . There were sounds of more ransacking , muffled voices , very angry , trying to look for anything . I heard steps above me , and one of my dogs ( the female ) lifted her front paw . I just held the gun with both hands , eyes covered in tears and hoping that they would not find me . The lid opened . I swear I still don 't remember what happened afterwardsPublicado por Finally , I was able to rig this up . It might take a while , possibly even months , maybe years at worst , but I was able to rig up the generator . Befriending the techies was well worth it . My name is Diego , and I 'm writing this from what it used to be the Mayor 's home in Hermosillo , a city of what it used to be the country I knew as a kid as Mexico . The year ? Twenty , possibly even thirty years after the Fires . The moment the sun decided to give Earth a gigantic solar storm , even more powerful than most scientists predicted . I don 't know about the rest of the world , but it seems that pretty much the North American countries ( Mexico , Canada , and the US ) have been hit hard . Days after the Fires , I remember the riots started . The pillaging , the raping , the raiding , my parents died when a car crashed in our house . We just moved , since the previous owner died of age . I hid in the backyard along with my dogs , two beagles . I noticed that there was something below the yard , a secret room , a panic room of sorts . I got in , and the looters took what they wanted and left . From what I remember , pretty much every electronic device was fried , except those that were well - protected . This means most government equipment , and private equipment as well ( private as in corporate and very rich people ) . There was little noise from outside , and the place was well - stocked : Canned goods that weren 't expired , bottled water , a flashlight and plenty of batteries , even a gun : A small beretta , with plenty of ammo . I didn 't realized it then , but I realize it now : We 're never going back to the way things were . For now , this is it . This computer is glitching again , might need to use a little elbow grease to fix it again . |
Well , It was a very long trip to Vero Beach . We started out at the 4 : 50 , because there was fog in Pittsburgh and the plane could not reload in Pittsburgh and went directly to Cleveland . They didn 't get any snacks for us and we were all asked if we wanted to wait an hour till they found someone to cater the flight , everyone agreed to bypass the snack and get the show on the road . So , we boarded the flight and we were on our way . We had a very uneventful flight , except the man sitting behind use was getting upset over Steven . I guess he was not use to having kids around and Steven was playing with his food try ( we were in the first class seats a $ 15 upgrade , what the heck , we are on vacation ) . He kept opening it and closing it , he was getting a little restless , no food , a two hour flight , makes Steven a antsy boy . Funny thing is , I thought Steven was being pretty good and I was just telling him thank you for being so good . Steven thinks the guy got out of the wrong side of bed this morning , I have to agree with him . We didn 't let this man spoil anything , the plane landed and we were off to the rental car place . We expected to be in line at Alamo for at least 2 hours , must to my surprise , it took us only 10 minutes and we were on the road to Vero . Now , there is another story , we followed the directions on our reservation confirmation letter . The only thing is , I took Route 1 instead of A1A , dumb move on Mom 's part , but we turned around and started heading up A1A . Let me tell you , Disney 's Vero Beach Resort is hard to find at night . The road is very dark and there really isn 't any warning . But , we finally found it an checked in . The Lobby Is Very nice and spacious . It kind of reminds me of the Yacht and Beach Club , there is a big Xmas tree with Ships and bows and bulbs in it . Very pretty . Then we were given our Room and it was on the 4 th floor ( just want we requested ) and it was facing the Ocean . The rooms are decorated beautifully , with pinks and purples and some blue . I also think this Inn Room is a little bigger than the Boardwalk Studio we stayed in last November or at least the same size . I 'm sitting here enjoying my Foldger 's for one ( those singles for coffee , Harold told me about them , Thank you Harold , and they are great ! ) I do have to say that Vero is beautiful , but I am missing my Disney World 's Old Key West . Sorry , I 'm just a Disney Lover at heart , even though this is Disney , I still miss my Home away from Home . Steven is sitting here watching the Disney Channel so I figured I had time to update my web page for a little bit anyway . Steven woke me this morning , I was tired ! He said " Mom , I want to go and check out view out " . So I told him to go ahead , he was so excited to see the ocean , even though this is his second time . And he started jumping up and down saying " Let 's get dressed and go get shells " . What could I do , I had to go . So we both hurried and got dress and got down to the beach as fast as we could in search of shells . Well , Steven searched for shells and I took pictures . The tide was in this morning so there was only a little beach , but enough for Steven to find some shells , he is very happy now . He had both hands filled with them , and asked what he should do with them , I couldn 't tell him exactly what I wanted him to do with them , but I told him to put them in his pocket . He took them over for a shower bath and then placed them in the pocket . Then we decided to check out the pool and it is really nice . The Slide looks like a lot of fun , I hope I can talk Steven into going down it , he would not try out the one at Boardwalk , but that was a year ago . I know if he just tries it , he will like it . Well , he is starting to get bored with the Disney Channel and wants to go swimming now , So we are off to the pool . We should meet Chris ( Dznymom ) and her family today , we had meet last April and had a great time . Her boy Mitchell is close to Steven 's age . I did talk Steven into doing the slide and he loved it . He must have went up and down that slide about 10 times . Then we ran into Chris and Mitchell and Tim and Dznygram . We had a great time and we all went swimming , they even convinced me to do the slide , I had to do it twice , because it really is fun . I just stopped by to say hi and I 'll post more later . After cleaning up from our afternoon swim , we headed over to Chris 's 2 bedroom unit . I love checking out the different units and I was surprised . I really liked it . It is a little smaller than the unit at Old Key West , but the coloring was nice and the 2 nd bedroom had a pull out sofa instead of the 2 queens , even though it was not a lock off . It also had the extra balcony . Kind of nice for Chris 's Mother , she could close the door and be in her own room and fell like she was in a different place , sometimes a nice escape . Steven and Mitchell hit it off again . But we got a little worried when there was a big fight over who brought the micro airplane . Both boys had one and both boys insisted that the plane was theirs . So , Chris settled the whole thing by throwing it over the balcony ( I think I want Chris to come live with us ) , Steven was very upset and almost caused us to skip dinner with Chris and Family . But , after about 20 minutes , he calmed down and forgot about the whole thing . And the boys were happy again ( I did have to tell him that if he got home and could not find his plane , we could go to the store and get another one ) . So we all went to Shutters for dinner and had a very good dinner . I like this place and they have kids meals too . They had pasta , pizza , steak , meatloaf , chicken … a lot of selection . We had to try their specialty drink too , I didn 't want to , but Chris got one and she let me try it , and I just had to have one too . I can 't remember what was in it but boy did it taste good . Chris can give more details when she returns . After Dinner , everyone came up to our Inn room to check it out . We sat on the porch and listened to the waves of the ocean as Steven and Mitchell sat on the floor playing with their cars and trucks . DznyGram took Tim for a walk and back to the room . As we were sitting on the balcony we saw lights from a cruise ship ( we think ) way off in the distance . That was kind of neat . This is our last night at Vero Beach then it is back home again ( our Home away from Home ) at Old Key West . I enjoyed out stay here , but I 'm really excited about going back to our home . I think Steven really enjoyed having the ocean here , but not as much as he enjoyed having Mitchell here . Well , this morning we woke up and started packing . I asked Steven if he would like to go the member social at Vero before heading to WDW and he said yes ( ok , I kind of told them there would be other kids there and some kids game , hey , that is what the message said ) . So , we packed up , sat out on the balcony to enjoy the beautiful day ( is it in the 70 's and sunny ) and the ocean breeze then we packed the car and headed over to the Member social . It is held in the beach cottage . The beach cottage is beautiful , there is a swing and rocking chair on the porch ( nice touch ) and we checked in , got our name tags and were given a ticket for the door prize . We went through the whole cottage and it is huge . There are 4 balconies , one has the swing and rocking chair , one the picnic table , one lounge chairs , and the other no chairs ( didn 't understand that one ) . But , the cottage is decorated pretty much the same as the two bedroom , but in the master bedroom there are three full length windows looking out to the ocean . The bedrooms are all on the first floor and the living room kitchen was on the second floor . That is where the social was held too . They went through what there was to do at Vero and some other DVC stuff , then came he drawing for the Door prize ( Chris and her Mom and boys also came to the social ) . They asked Steven to draw the winning ticket for a beach towel with Vero Beach on it . Steven draws the ticket , the CM reads the number off , and Chris yells " I Got it " . So , Chris go the beautiful beach towel and has Steven to thank for it . Not bad , if I couldn 't win it is nice to know the person that did win . Good for you Chris . I want to see you using that towel . After that Steven and said our good byes to Chris and her family ( they are going to OKW tomorrow ) and we were on the road to WDW and our Home away from Home Old Key West . It took us about 1 hour and half to get to the Market place ( Our First Stop ) . Steven had to check out the Lego store where he bought a small lego fire truck . Then we just walked around some and checked out the Xmas decorations there . It was around noon , so I talked Steven into grabbing something to eat there . He said he wasn 't hungry , but Mom knows best . So we picked up a gyro and Chicken gyro from the little stand outside the World of Disney store . They were pretty good and just enough for lunch . Then Steven was ready to put his lego fire truck together , but it was pretty windy , so we decided to go and see if we could check in at Old Key West . We arrived to a pretty full parking lot at the Hospitality House and I had to drive around for about 5 minutes before someone left . Once we got our parking spot we headed in to check in . There was only one person in front of us . Steven decided to go and watch the TV and put his Lego toy together while I checked in . I got my little package and resort cards and then got my Jolly Holiday 's tickets for tomorrow night ( 4 : 45 show ) and then they said to check back at 4 : 00pm for our room keys . Dang , I was hoping the room was ready . So I went to see how Steven was doing and he was not done putting together his truck , so I walked around the lobby looking at decorations ( not many this year only a couple trees and some wreaths , but still pretty ) . Then I saw they had the park pamphlets at the key pickup counter , so I started gathering up one for each park . I laughingly told the key holder CM that I would check on my room being ready , but I know it isn 't yet , he said what is your last name , we will check . Then he said we do have a room ready for you and sure enough he did . He said it is building 34 and right across from the turtle pond bus stop . Just what the doctor ordered . We are in a one - bedroom unit room number 3421 . And when I was leaving , I hear a girl complaining because they closed the main pool today . I guess the main pool has some cracks on the bottom and they want to fix them before they really get bad . I was glad I requested near turtle pond , because that pool is ok . We headed to our One - bedroom unit and it is in a great location . Steven turned that TV on the minute we got in , right to the Disney Channel . I went out on my porch and the view is satisfactory . We have a water view and a golf course view , not bad . I think we are going to head back to the Market place when I 'm done posting this . Our tickets to the parks are not good till tomorrow . Steven and I didn 't do all that much tonight , we were kind of tired from traveling from Vero and doing the Market Place this morning , but we still ventured out . We went over to the Wilderness Lodge to see how it was decorated for Xmas . They had a huge tree in the lobby that was as tall as the 4 th floor with boats and teepees in among the ornaments . Really beautiful . They also had a gingerbread house display of a snow village . Steven wasn 't impressed because there was not train . I have to take him over to the Yacht and Beach Club , hopefully they will have a train . I tried to talk Steven into eating at the Whispering Canyon , but he insisted that he was not hungry yet . So we went back to the market place to see if we could find a Xmas video of the parks , but there were none . Of course we had to visit the Lego store again so that Steven could get his Lego fix . He is trying to put his Lego Helicopter together now . When we got back we ordered Pizza from Pizza Hut , not exactly where I wanted to eat , but it works . Steven said that tomorrow he would like to go to MGM , so I guess that is what we will do . He remembers they have a train right in front of the great movie ride and he can 't wait to see it . That 's my boy . The morning started out great . We got showered and ate our breakfast , I even enjoyed a cup of coffee out on my porch . Then we hop in our rental and headed over to MGM . There is some construction in front of MGM entrance so it took a little while for us to get parked . When we first arrived at Old Key West , they gave us a parking pass to put in our drivers dash board and the guard at MGM saw the pass and waved us right in . So we got a parking spot in row 42 ( not bad ) and walked to the MGM entrance . The bus stops were all decorated with ornaments and were very pretty , I 'm almost sure they are lit up at night . We got to the main gate and got right in , no problems with my AP and no problems with the room passes . Our first stop , of course , was to find the big train display under the Xmas tree . Much to our surprise it was not there . You should have seen Steven 's face , he was so disappointed , but then I noticed that there was a train under another tree to the left of the main tree . When Steven saw this , he was in his glory , he headed right over to see the train and wanted his camera right away ( I bought him his own throw away camera , and he is loving it ) . As we were standing there , the train jumped it 's track , we didn 't see it happen , but all of a sudden the first car was the only car on the track and the rest had fallen off around the bend . Steven went running over to a CM to explain what had happened and he went and got a maintenance man to fix it . The maintenance man did not come right away so Steven and I headed over to my favorite store the animator 's store . I love this store because it has a lot of posters , figurines , and sketches . We looked around for a little bit and decided to buy us each a T - shirt , since I only packed 2 and it was in the mid 70s today . After our light shopping I told Steven we were going to the Little Mermaid show . He said no , and I said Mom wants to so we are going . It was a 35 minute wait , but I still wanted to see it , it had been a couple years since I saw this one and I was glad to be seeing it again . Steven was antsy in line , but made it ok . Once inside Steven loved it and was glad that he had stood in line for it . When the water started coming down , he started smiling and said Mom I like this show . After this show we headed over to Star Tours , I promised Steven since we did a Show Mom wanted , he could pick the next ride . One of his favorites is Star Tours and I 'm beginning to like it too . We had no wait at all on this ride and went right on . And the ride only last 10 minutes so we were in and out so fast that we had time to catch the 11 : 45 show of Hunch Back . And we did , this time we were early enough that we got to see the Juggler . We had never caught his show before and I think Steve got a real big kick out of watching him . He is really entertaining . Then the show started , I love this play , I think MGM puts on a great Hunch Back show and no one should miss this one . When they had the Festival of Fools , we were right under the paper coming down , and boy did we get paper bells everywhere . Steven was having a great time picking the paper bells up and throwing them up in the air again . The older man behind Steven kept throwing them on Steven . We had a really good time and enjoyed the show a lot . After Hunch Back I let Steven choose the next show again , his choice was Indiana Jones . So as we walked over to the Indiana Jones ride Steven spotted the ice cream stand . We had to stop for ice cream it was the afternoon . So I got Steven his Nestles Crunch bar and as we were getting the bar , a man who could not speak English was sad because he had dropped his Mickey bar . The man gave him a new bar and I was smiling . The man said don 't laugh , that happens a lot . Just as he said that Steven tried to bite into his Crunch bar and it broke in half and fell to the ground . The man mad Steven bring it back and he game him another bar . I told him he did not have to do that , and he said no the bars should not break . I told Steven to be careful with the new one because they are frozen so solid that they break in half easy . He was careful , but it broke anyway , but at least this time Steven was holding both halves and was able to finish eating it . We made it to Indian Jones and watched a great show . I love that guy with the loud shirt even though I 've seen it about 5 times . After this , Steven and I started heading home , but the Hercules Parade was suppose to start in 10 minutes . So we walked close to the entrance and stood . This is when the trouble began . Steven doesn 't like to wait and we had to wait for the parade . He started not listening and just being a 5 year old . After a while he told me that he did not want to see the Hercules Parade , I said you don 't mean that , he said yes he did . So , as it was coming down the street , I took Steven by the hand and took him back the car . All the way out he kept saying Mom I was only kidding , I told him , who is laughing now ? Things just went down hill after that . I think either Steven needed a nap or Mom just needed a break from watching a 5 year old . Either way we were both not very happy . Steven ended up losing the parks tomorrow , so we are going to spend the day here in the room , it is his punishment and I have to keep my promise or he will never listen to me . I guess tomorrow will be wash day . I couldn 't punish him tonight , because we had Jolly Holidays to go to . I told him if he was really good during the dinner and show , We would at least go to the Resorts and check out the decorations . Well , he blew it at dinner . He wasn 't a rotten kid , he just wasn 't listening and I can 't stand that , so there will be no resort hopping tomorrow either . Tomorrow trip report may be very dull . I 'll have to take pictures of my view . Jolly Holidays was great . I enjoyed watching the show and watching Mickey and his Friend perform . The food was pretty good too . They served Turkey , Ham , mash Potatoes , Sweet Potatoes , Gravy , Veggies , and desert ( a log cake , very good ) . They performed in a center stage with two side stages , so it looked like everyone had a good view . Lots of Xmas music and even snow . A lot of fun for the whole family . Steven stayed in all day and he even took a nap from 1 : 00 pm to 3 : 00 pm so he was well rested . While Steven napped , my friend Scott came over to get our extra pass ticket . He and his wife were staying at Dixie Landings for the same amount of time as Steven and I . Since we were not using the extra ticket ( I have an AP ) , I offered it to them and they accepted . We had a nice long chat on my porch . I also showed off my unit to him too . He had taken the tour before I did and decided against DVC , isn 't it funny , because he is the one that talked me into it . I don 't think he knows that , but his talking about vacations with his family at WDW is what sold me on WDW in the first place . Thanks you Scott ! Since Steven was quiet for 2 hours ( while taking his nap … lol ) , I decided we were going over to Yacht and Beach Club for dinner . We had reservations at Cape May . Before heading over to Yacht and Beach we pulled into the BoardWalk . Traffic in front of the BoardWalk was terrible , there is construction on the street out front and it was causing a real traffic jam , so we parked at BoardWalk and decided to walk over to the Yacht and Beach Club ( Plus I missed the turn for Yacht and Beach ) . But , before we headed over to dinner we decided to check out the Xmas display at BoardWalk . They have decorations everywhere there , even outside . They had a huge Xmas tree and a nice chocolate display ( which Steven really loved ) that had a chocolate train but the train did not move . Really nice . Then we walked over to the Yacht Club by way of the Dance Hall , if you go behind the Dance Hall there is a walk way right over to the Yacht and Beach Club and I think this way is much faster then going past ESPN . We went into the Yacht Club 's main entrance and that is where they have the Gingerbread display . This display has two running trains in it , Steven really loved it . He also likes playing with the captains wheel to the left of the display ( the one outside of the Gallery ) . As we were walking over to Beach club we passed the restaurant Gallery Club ( I think that was the name , if someone knows it , Please correct me ) and saw that they had a ship wreck Sundae that looked pretty good , so we decided to skip Cape May and eat there instead . Dinner was excellent . Steven had the Chicken Fingers ( no surprise there , they were really good ) and I had their special Grill Dish ( Filet Mignon , Chicken , Potatoes and lemon Fish - Can 't remember what kind of fish ) , but everything was excellent , a great meal . And then we ordered the ship wreck sundae which was really cute , but Steven did not like the dark chocolate that they put on it , so we just ate the ice cream . As we were enjoying our sundae , a woman came to our table and asked me if I get on AOL . I said yes , and she asked my name , and I said Darla . She said that she was Judy and her screen name is Backus1120 and that she use to be on - line a lot and that she remembered me from my picture on Mary 's web page . I just can 't believe the people I have meet from AOL , this is really great . We talked a little bit and then she had to get back to her meal . But , before she left , I made her pose for a Web site picture . Then we went home to go to Gurgling Suitcase to meet our other AOL friends . Patti , Peggy and Helen were suppose to be there . When Steven and I arrived there was no one except us . We waited around a bit and Helen and Peggy showed up . We talked for a while then Peggy mentioned that they didn 't even check in yet . They just got their room key , they were over at the Beach Club swimming . So , since Steven was with me anyway , we called it a night . It was really nice seeing Peggy and Helen again . We are going to meet tomorrow for lunch at Olivia 's . Not bad for a day without the parks . Today was a long day . We woke up around 7 : 00 am and got ready for the Magic Kingdom ( today was early entry ) , but I looked out on our porch and it was pouring . So I ran up to the General Store and bought us both rain gear ( I left our ponchos home , poor packing ) . So at about 8 : 30 we were off to Magic Kingdom . The rain really helps keep those crowds down . We didn 't have to wait for any rides . We did the SnowWhite ride , Mr . Toads , Mickey 's Toon Town Roller coaster ( got to ride twice because there was no line ) , Grand Prix ( Steven finally reach the pedals , boy was he happy , he drives much better when he also steps on the gas ) , Take Flight ( Steven loves this ride ) , Jungle Cruise , and Pirates of the Caribbean . Not bad , it stopped raining at about 11 : 30 . We then started out the park , but had to stop at the candy store to get our chocolate covered pretzels , yum . Then we went to wait on the bus . We only had a 15 minute wait and we were off to OKW and to Olivia 's to meet Peggy , Patti , and Helen . We meet at 1 : 00 pm and had a great lunch . It is so funny to meet people you have chatted with on - line , we never stopped talking . Peggy and Helen went to the DVC OKW meeting this morning and were telling us all about it . Peggy said she will fill everyone in when she gets back , but she did tell us some highlights . I would state them here , but I don 't want to miss quote her , she said she will post her trip report around Dec 15 th . Lunch was great and relaxing . Patti 's husband Mark took Steven with her daughter and friend to the Market Place and let us girls chat ( just like on - line ) . After our nice lunch Peggy and Helen had to go and meet with their rep ( I think this was the first time they were meeting ) . Patti and I sat on a bench and waited for the kids to return . As we were sitting there chatting some more , Chris ( Dznymom ) and Mel ( Dznygram ) came along and found us . It was great meeting all our on - line friend again . Next October is going to be great . It is kind of funny , because Mark said he would take Steven ( I 've never meet him before ) and I said ok and Steven went with no fuss , I felt like I 've know Patti for a while since we have been chatting so long . We were waiting a while for the kids and then Chris mentioned that she meet Mark at the Mickey 's Very Merry Un - birthday party . I had not made reservations for Steven , but they had some no - shows so they let Steven join the other kids . So we were at Olivia 's chatting till 4 : 15 pm when the party was over . It was nice and relaxing . Thank you Mark for giving me a and Steven a break from one another . Then we parted and went our own ways . But Patti has reservations next April the same time as Steven and I . I have not decided if I will keep those reservations or not , but Rich and Deb are going to be there too , so I just might . I have a lot of time to decide . Right now , I 'm keeping them . Because another get together with Patti and her daughter , Rich and Deb and their daughters would be a really good time . After that Steven and I went back to the room to rest before going over to MGM . At around 5 : 45 pm we jumped into our car and headed over to meet Scott and Maria Osborne ( No relation to the Osborne 's of the Osborne light display ) . But , they did buy the Xmas shirts , because it had Osborne on it , I thought that was kind of neat . We meet in front of the Great Movie ride . Scott is the one that used our extra ticket this trip , because I still have my annual pass from our October trip . Before heading over to the light display , we stop at Star Tours , just because we could , and road it once more . Then we headed over to the Osborne Lights , and there was snow coming down ( soap suds , but it looked like snow ) and that is where Maria found the Osborne shirts , she picked up matching ones for her and Scott . Then we went to the light display and there are a lot of lights on that street . Steven enjoyed walking around seeing all the lights , but it is kind of hard to keep track of him with so many people walking through the lights . I would have held his hand , but I was trying to take pictures . I 'm glad Scott and Maria were there with us . We didn 't lose him once , he was pretty good and stayed close to us . That was it for today , it was a lot of fun , much better than staying in the room all day . This morning we took our time getting ready . We were heading over to EPCOT but I it wasn 't early entry day , so we got going around 9 : 30 . We walked to the Hospitality House ( I had to return a video I rented last night - free rentals for members at OKW ) and picked up the bus there . We meet two gentlemen that had just flown in this morning and where on the bus to EPCOT . They said they left their house at 3 : 00 am and could not believe that they would be at EPCOT before 10 : 00 am . Pretty neat . The first thing we did in EPCOT is head for the big Ball ( as Steven calls it ) , but the line was so long we figured we would hit that on the way out . So we went to take a picture of EPCOT 's Xmas tree . They have the tree right where you walk into World Showcase . It is a beautiful day here today , but a little on the chilly side . But , I will take sunshine any day especially when I 'm at WDW . After looking at the tree we headed over to Horizons , but there was a line there ( there never is a line at Horizons ) , so Steven said Let 's got to the Test Track , and I agreed . We went over and of course it is still not open , but we still sat in everyone of the GM cars they had on display , just because Steven loves pretending to drive . We then decided to do Horizons again and see if the line was any shorter and it was . So we walked right onto this ride . I still love the smell of oranges on that ride . After that we headed over for some lunch . We stopped at the Pizza and Pasta place and had Pizza and Pasta . Steven had his white spaghetti ( he doesn 't like the sauce on it for some reason ) and I got the Pizza . After that we headed for Spaceship Earth . The line was short but wasn 't moving very fast and once we got on the ride it stopped for us about 5 times . It actually took us a whole hour to stand in line and do the ride . Not a good day for Spaceship Earth . After our afternoon nap we got ready for our AOL 's Walt Birthday Bash at Chef Mickey 's . Or dinner reservations were for 4 : 45 pm and I think there were suppose to be 100 of us . We drove over to the Contemporary and parked there . Then we went up and meet the other AOLer 's Peggy and Helen were there and so were about 30 or so other AOLer 's . All though not everyone showed ( I think there were about 50 of us all together ) we had a great time . Steven and I sat with Peggy and Helen . We got to meet Lizcakes , Backus1120 , Duck Lite , and more , Can 't remember all the screen names , but everyone was friendly and it was great talking with the people that you have been posting with . By the way , Peggy told me that the mash potatoes at Chef Mickeys were really great , so I had to go and try them out and she was right . They are made with parmesan cheese and were really good . And I had to try out the chocolate mouse cake and it was wonderful . Steven had a hot dog and cup cake ( oh well ) - he loves making those cup cakes with Goofy . After dinner we all posed for a group picture and then we said our good byes and were off to the Grand Floridian . The MVMCP didn 't start till 8 : 00 pm and it was only 6 : 00 pm . So Steven and I went up to the monorail to ride over to the Grand Floridian and Steven has been dying to sit up front , so when we got up to the plate form ( there were too many people here , they had to stop the escalator because there was no where for people to stand ) there was a CM standing there and Steven , of coursed , asked it he could ride the monorail . I also kept saying please , oh please , why can 't he ride ( I was only kidding around ) , but the CM for a minute thought I was serious , but then when he knew I was joking he started laughing and told me to behave . Well , Steven didn 't get to ride up front then . We got the second monorail that came and went over to check out the Grand Floridians Xmas decorations . I must say the Grand Floridian is one of the most beautifully decorated resorts at WDW . I don 't know which I liked better this or the Wilderness Lodge . The tree was so big at the Grand Floridian that I couldn 't even fit it all In the camera . And those Gingerbread displays are amazing . There were also carolers in the lobby . After seeing the decorations we headed over to the party . Steven spotted the truck on Main Street and didn 't want to leave , so I said , ok , we will sit here and wait for the parade to begin . I wanted to go and find Kathy , but I couldn 't leave Steven alone . I did find a cast member that told me that Kathy was working the ice cream parlor . After a half hour of playing on the truck Steven finally decided that he wanted to go on the rides ( I didn 't care which parade we saw , as long as we saw one ) . So we headed up the side of main street with the ice cream parlor . And sure enough there was Kathy and the parade was starting . So she told us to stand there and we would be right in front of the rope ( thank you Kathy , you are the greatest ) . At first Steven didn 't want to stay , but once the parade started , you couldn 't get him to move . This parade is great , they have dancing Xmas trees , dancing rain deer , gingerbread , and a lot of floats . The Chip and Dale float had them making gingerbread cookies and I swear you could smell them . And at the end of the parade Santa came down the street and was asking all the boys and girls if they were good . Steven just says , Don 't tell him Mommy … lol . After the parade we said good bye to Kathy and headed on some of the rides . First stop was the Jungle Cruise . No wait at all and we had Lyle as our guide . He said Hi Steven and Darla ( Oops , I forgot to remove our name tags ) and Steven just looked puzzled because he knew us … lol . So I said Hi Lyle . He was a lot of fun and Steven really got into this ride , when Lyle said duck , Steven did . After that we headed over to the Pirates , they were taking the family pictures there ( it comes with the price of the MVMCP ) but the line was too long , so we went and rode Pirates , still love this ride even though we were just on it . After the ride there were only a couple of people in line for the picture , so we got in line . The camera man had trouble getting Steven to keep his eyes open ( he hates the flash ) , but then he finally got the picture and we were on our way again . Next stop , Grand Prix , Steven just had to drive that car one more time and he did . My neck is a little stiff , but we had a great time . Then we did the people mover , Steven loves this ride too . And then Carousel of Progress , Steven did not want to do this ride , Mom did , but Steven enjoyed it a lot . He listened to every word they said and asked me a lot of questions . Still one of my favorite rides . Then we had to do the Take Flight ride , Steven enjoys this one too , he likes the circus in the beginning . Then I asked Steven what he wanted to do next and he said , play on the truck , so we headed out ( by the way , we missed the fireworks , we were on the Pirates ride , dah ) . On our way out we saw Kathy sitting on the side of main street for the second parade . We played on the truck a little bit and then headed home . Steven wanted to take the monorail , so I said ok , and as soon as we go to the gate , he asked the CM if he could ride up front . We got lucky there was no one in the front yet . Wouldn 't you know the CM driving the Monorail was the same guy I had been teasing at the Contemporary about wanting to ride up front . He told me that he thought I was serious and he almost yelled at me , because he just had a bunch of people upset over the crowd waiting for the monorail at the Contemporary . He said he was so glad to see me grin , because then he knew I was just joking and he said he needed a good laugh after that . This made Steven 's night . We got to the Contemporary and after a long search for our car we headed back to our Home Away from home . This is out last day in our home away from home and in Walt Disney World . I 'm sad to leave , but our plane does not take off till 6 : 30 pm so we still have time to do some parks . Steven says he wants to do MGM again , we missed the back lot tour and he wants to do that ride , so I said fine . After packing up my stuff , double checking the room and loading up the car , it was around 10 : 00 am , so we went up to the Hospitality House to park ( I had to pick up my package from yesterday 's shopping ) , so we caught the bus to MGM there . We spend about half hour on that bus , construction around the entrance of MGM really slowed us down this morning . There was a women on the bus who had a map of MGM and she had 2 boys , she was asking them to find things on the map . Steven looked at me and asked if he could play the game too . The woman heard him and invited him to play too . At least the kids were amused while we were waiting to enter the parks , they didn 't even notice that we were waiting , I think they were a little disappointed when we arrived because they couldn 't search for things on the map anymore . The very first thing we did when entering the park was to get our own map . Steven opens it and says , here is the Tram ride , we have to go there Mom , but before we went there , we had to stop at the Train set up at MGM again , Steven knows exactly where that is . While he was looking at the train , I noticed that they had Beauty and the Beast Xmas show going on in front of the Great Movie Ride , I tried to get close enough for a picture , but all the best spots were taken . They also chose special guest from the crowd to ride in a carriage down the street , it was really cute . After this we headed for the Tram Ride . It was very cold out today and when they showed us the battle ships and how they do all the video taping of it , but they didn 't have volunteers stand in and do the boat ride , they had dummies in the spot where volunteers usually are . I guess it was too cold to get anyone wet . I think the high today was only suppose to be 55 and I believe it , because we were really cold , except in the sun , it was like a blanket of warmth . Then we got on the Tram and headed to the Canyon . Steven and I were in a row with another couple . When they said the part about people getting wet and the left side ( my side ) the people would get soaked , Steven moved right up close to the man that was sitting next to him . Then when we got to the part where the water comes rushing down , Steven grabbed the man 's arm and would not let go . He did not want to get wet and the man was really nice and just let him hang on . Steven is not shy at all , I wonder if he gets that from me . There are so many friendly people at WDW , you just can 't help but talk to everyone . < VBG > We had heard from our friends Maria and Scott that there were some trains set up at EPCOT ( we knew about Germany , but not American Adventure ) , so I asked Steven if he wanted to head over to EPCOT to see the trains there , and of course he said yes ! So we caught the boat to the BoardWalk , it was right there too , we didn 't even have to wait , and it took off as soon as we boarded . We were going to walk from BoardWalk to EPCOT , but there boat to EPCOT was sitting there too and they let us just walk over to that boat . And that boat took off right away . I couldn 't believe out luck , Disney was helping us see as much of WDW before we left for the airport , I couldn 't have planned it better . We arrived at EPCOT 6 minutes later and headed right for the American Adventure . They was Xmas trees set up in front and off to the side of the American Adventure . I think they may have Santa sitting there at times , but we didn 't get a chance to stick around and see who sat in the big red chair . We looked for the train , but could not find it , finally we asked and the CM said that there was a small train set up inside , so we headed in , and sure enough there was a little Xmas village set up with a train going through it . We stayed there for a little while , then were heading over to Germany to see that train set . But as we were passing up Italy I asked Steven if he would like to get some white spaghetti and he said yes . So we stopped in at Alfredo 's and checked if we could get lunch , and sure enough there was no problem and we were seated in 4 minutes . Lunch was great , I had Fettuccini Alfredo and Steven had his white spaghetti . They looked like they had the same menu for lunch as dinner , they use to give you better prices at lunch , I guess those days are gone . Lunch came to $ 20 . 14 , not bad considering this is WDW . Steven was ready to leave because he wanted to check out those trains . So off we went to Germany and check out the trains we did . We must have stayed there for an hour . We didn 't have to leave for the airport until 3 : 00 pm so I just let him check them out . It was only 12 : 30 pm and I figured we could catch the bus around 2 : 30 pm . So I sat on the bench while he checked out every house every train , everything on that track . The man sitting next to me had a Old Key West hat on and I asked him if he was a member . He said yes , and needless to say , we just sat and talked about being members the whole time Steven was exploring . It was just like meeting anyone here on line , we just automatically hit if off . He was from California and only gets to WDW once a year , I told him it was our 4 th time in one year and he said you must have some points … lol , I have enough . It was a great way to pass the time . After a while his wife came over and they called his son to come over . His son 's name was Steven and when they called for him , Steven ( my son ) looked up too and his son was standing right next to Steven and they were talking . It was kind of funny , because they meet each other over at the trains and we were talking over at the bench . See DVCers just flock together … lol . It was getting close to 1 : 50 pm so I told Steven we better start heading back . On our way out Steven wanted to ride a ride , and he knew Mexico had a ride , so I told him ok , one last one before we leave . So we did Mexico , I haven 't been on this ride for a long time and really enjoyed it . It was funny because just last night I was trying to remember which ride had movies of people at a bar in a pool and sure enough there the movie was in this Mexico ride . I kind of like not doing every single ride every single trip , it kind of makes it all new again when we haven 't been on the ride for a couple of years . After visiting Mexico we headed out . I remembered from the other day that buses at EPCOT run every half hour and there should be a bus at 2 : 30 , so we started walking towards the exit , and it looked like we had 20 minutes to get to the bus stop . We made it in 15 minutes and it was a good thing too , because the bus was taking off 5 minutes early . It really helps remembering when the bus takes off , that way you know if you have time to do one more ride , I 'd rather spend 20 minutes on a ride then 20 minutes waiting for the bus . Well , we caught our flight at 7 : 00 , we were suppose to leave at 6 : 30 pm , no bad . When we get our seats on the plane the little girl in front of us said hi . She said they have a long way to go . I 'm like where are you going too ? Because we were all going to Cleveland … lol , she said Sharpsville , PA . I said what ? I didn 't think I heard her right , because that is where I was born and raised . So here I am on the plane with my 5 year old and there is a single Mother sitting in front of me with me with her 7 year old girl and they were born and raised in Sharpsville Pa too and they still lived there . Needless to say , this trip went by really fast , we were talking about Disney and about our home town . The kids were getting along too . What a nice way to end our WDW trip . I don 't have any trips booked right now , but that will change on Monday , since I have to book my October trip . I called member services and got on the waiting list for a studio in April 1998 , I really would like to take Steven on his spring break from school . I had a one - bedroom booked , but it really is too many points , so I cancelled that and am trying for the studio . I have my fingers crossed . |
It was 10 : 01 p . m . and a young fair woman , named Whitney , in her twenties was getting ready for bed in her townhouse . She had short strawberry blonde hair which curled at the ends . Her figure was pretty fit , but had a little fat on her , which she took pride in , surprising some . Marking her calendar signifying the end her day , Whitney noticed that something felt off . She suddenly began feeling really hot and humid , and tried taking off her clothes to help , but even after she was down to her skin , she still felt hot . Her dog , which was a grey Great Dane , soon came to her side sensing something wrong and sniffed at her perspiring skin . Almost immediately he began licking , surprising her as she began feeling immediately better . " Wow boy ! I feel so much better , thanks ! " Before anything else , the woman quickly put her clothes back on and led her dog towards her living room . She had , had him for a while and he was a very good protector . He knew when people around them were nice and who weren 't , but was smart enough to wait until his mistress gave a certain command to do anything about the bad ones . Once her dog curled up and began sleeping , she turned to go to sleep herself . That night she dreamed that she was in a castle . Every room had a certain kind of animal stocked with much room for all of the animals to feel comfortable . Soon a bark sounded , jerking Whitney 's head towards the noise . She began walking until she reached a dead end . It was radial like a cul de sac , and the rooms there were for dogs , cats , horses and humans . She knew that she should enter the human room , forgetting the noise , but as she headed towards the door , the other doors opened . Whitney now felt as if she didn 't know were to go . She looked all around to see where to go and all of the rooms looked so welcoming . ' Why do all of the animals have to be separated ? ' she thought to herself . Soon a dog walked up , panting with a goofy smile on its face . " Buster ! ! " The dog barked with happiness and begun wagging his tail . Whitney felt really happy to see Buster and felt compelled to walk to him . After , the door closed on it 's own and Whitney woke to an alarm . Beep Beep Beep … With a start Whitney got up and looked around . There was nothing different about anything and she felt normal , so she quickly got ready for a morning walk with Buster . The stairs begun to creak as she made her way down into the kitchen to make breakfast for both her and her dog . " So whadda think boy ? Do ya think today 's the day I 'll get a steady job ? " Buster tilted his head and barked , but after seconds of not receiving any food , he licked her hand and started to whine . " Sorry boy … I guess I feel a little distracted " After she set his bowls on a bench , Whitney had then begun cooking her own breakfast and then read the day 's newspaper for any jobs . " Hmmm … It looks as if they need some help at that big and awesome pet emporium ! You know , where you see your friends all the time . " Buster gave a smile almost as if he knew what she was talking about . " Well … Maybe when we get into town on our walk , I 'll bring you in to play with some of the neighborhood dogs while I talk to the manager . " Buster 's tail began to wag as he heard the word walk and barked a few times . " Alright ! Alright … Calm down ! " Soon they headed off and made their way into the city , heading towards the pet emporium . " Here we are . The biggest shop in North Carolina ! Will 's Pet Emporium . " As they headed in , Whitney and Buster made their way all the way to the back of the emporium where there was a little space for an outside / inside dog park . " Buster , you be a good boy , I 'll be right back . " Her dog barked , as if he was telling her goodbye , and after seeing Whitney leave , he begun playing with some dogs . When she got back to the front of the store , Whitney rang the counter bell . " Hello ? Can I help you ? " " Is the manager around ? " the worker nodded " I 'm him , what is it you need miss ? " Whitney knew just what to say since she had been on this job search since graduating high school . " Hello , my name is Whitney Khalie and I 'm trying to get a job in pet care . I read that you are hiring , and I want to apply . I plan to be a groomer or a handler one day . I do have job experience , but only with small jobs . I can be a cashier , I 'm good with pets , and I have worked in a cleaning company . I also have my resume on hand incase you need anything . " The man nodded as he looked over the papers . " Everything looks good , and I think you might be well qualified , do you want a tour of the place ? Just so you can recognize the store better . After that then I want to ask you a few questions , and then maybe if I like what I hear , then you can have the job . " Whitney nodded and felt really excited . She knew that she was so close and she was really happy that she would be able to see the entire store . Once they were done , the manager begun asking her basic question of pet care , and then usual interview questions . " Well Miss Khalie , all of these answers show how much you really care for the animals . We , here at Will 's Pet Emporium love seeing our workers who are very into their work . You seem like such a fine person . You got the job ! " Whitney smiled and hugged the man . " Oh ! I 'm sorry , I - I was just in the moment I guess … " the manager waved his hand . " I - It 's fine . Hey , I . I , uh . I don 't think I gave you my name , or the name of the staff here . My name is Rick James , and there are at least ten or fifteen people working here . We 're actually close to a few about now ! There are at least two workers who watch over stations with live animals . " Whitney nodded and looked to see Buster chasing another Great Dane in the park . He was having a good time , and then noticed his mistress coming towards him . He began to getting excited and sat patiently with his tail wagging quickly . " Yeah I 'm here boy ! " Making their way inside , Whitney clipped on Buster 's leash and then lead them as her and the manager walked towards the workers . " This is Randy , and this is Millie . They gave Whitney a smile , but quickly looked back at the dogs . " Woah ! Clean up on aisle turf . " Randy laughed a little , but frowned slightly . " Always making jokes … Anyways , nice to have you on the team , does she have a specific job yet ? " Whitney 's eyes narrowed at his words and she turned to Rick . " What ? I thought it was a manger job ? " Rick looked down . " Um sorry … Being totally honest here , I always have that ad in the paper when we need extra help , and don 't worry ! I swear , no one who 's applied and found out about what they really do have ever quit . They all love it here ! " " Then how do you end up needing more help ? " Rubbing his head he looked back at Whitney . " Seriously , it 's actually all the same reason … they all , one way or another have to move somewhere … " " I think it 's a curse … " Rick looked a little upset , but let Randy 's comment go . " What do you mean ? " " Well , at one point or another , someone feels not themselves and miss a day if not leave immediately . If the person lasts for a while , after maybe a week , they feel as if the job won 't work for them anymore and they say that they have to move , but it 's like they didn 't want to live … Look boss . . . I 've made so many friends here . I loved working partly because of them , but just like all the rest , one by one , they all leave . Every time something would happen , I would always try to comfort them , but they 'd push me away . " " Are you sure it wasn 't just one person ? " Whitney wanted to know . It would be her job too , and if this really did happen to all of the staff , what would become of her ? " Yes … Time and time again even though one person would push I 'd try the next and the next … Nothing changes , and if it wasn 't enough … Millie started … She just got hired a week ago , and already , she came to work late today . She might be pretending that everything 's ok right now , but soon enough , anyone will be able to tell that she isn 't well … " Randy then left and helped Millie up after it looked as if she tripped and was on the ground for a while . " So , when do I start , and what do I do ? " Rick laughed and gestured her , " Well you can start tomorrow if you want . Your pet can be with the other worker 's pets in the back room . " Whitney cleared her throat . " I don 't know if it 's anything like the dog park because if it isn 't then no thanks … Buster likes to play a lot . He 's a big softy and loves company , but don 't let me give you the idea that he 's a pushover . " Rick nodded . " Well , if Millie really is next to leave , then you can have her position , but if you have any allergies to other animals don 't hesitate to tell me . " Whitney nodded and both she and Buster left to go home . " So , how was your time with your friends ? " Buster barked and licked her cheek as if thanking her for letting him play . " Haha , you 're so sweet , I know . " Buster soon began gently licking her nose and around her lips . Whitney smiled at his affection , and suddenly , she licked him back . She gasped at her action and quickly got up . Her hand touched her lips , but the feeling of affection from Buster lingered . " What was that ? " As she begun making herself some lunch , Buster began barking at the window . " Bubs ? " " Bark ! Bark ! ! Arf Arf Bark ! ! " Quickly Whitney ran towards the window and felt her eyes bulge . " What the - ! " A young woman with long wavy red hair was walking on all fours and she had a tail . Looking back at Buster , she noticed that his ears were flattened and his tail was high in the air . He growled as if angry or didn 't like the sight of her , and then she realized who it was . " Millie ! " Without letting Buster out , She went outside and tried talking to her . " Millie ? " Millie hissed at her and jumped high in the air as if she was frightened . " Um … " Millie quickly got up and acted like there was nothing at all unusual or that anything ever happened . Whitney then looked back at where she knew there was a tail , but then was shocked as not only was it really there , but she realized it was a cat 's tail . " So that 's why he growled … " She whispered . Millie , though , had heard it and looked down in fear . " You , you have a dog ? " I - I have to get out of here ! ! " " Wait ! Millie ! Where are you going ? ! " But Millie had left and was gone from sight and Whitney sighed . " Is this the real reason ? This … This is all - this can 't be real ! I 'm just dreaming , I had a stressful day . But I didn 't , so that can 't be it … " Sighing again , Whitney headed back inside and Buster seemed to be calmer . " That was weird … and aren 't you usually good with cats ? I mean , Millie 's not a cat , but - Ugh , this is just too weird … " Trying to put everything past her she walked upstairs to her room . Leaving her door open just a bit , she jumped onto her bed and circled a few times before curling up like dogs would to go to sleep or lie down . After she rested her head , Whitney realized what she had done and slapped herself . Then she repositioned herself to sleep like a regular person and woke up at night . She looked around feeling groggy and climbed out of bed . She was hot again and shook her body as if she was wet and climbed out of bed . Stumbling , she came downstairs and opened a sliding glass door into her high fenced backyard . The only time a person could see was if they looked out a window . Whitney shook herself again , and got on all fours like Millie had earlier . She looked around and began sniffing as if she were a dog . Buster had followed and watched curiously as his mistress walked almost like himself . He then came close to her and sniffed her backside , as if she were a different creature . Whitney , who still wasn 't conscious of her actions smiled and begun panting . Buster tugged at her pajama pants and since they stretched , they easily came off . Buster soon did the same with her underwear and soon all of her bottom half of her was naked . There was no tail , but her area had moved slightly , it was placed just like where a regular female dog 's vagina would be and it wanted to do business . Though Whitney didn 't know what was going on , she did feel pressure , so she continued to sniff around until she smelled an area where Buster had gone . She could smell his scent and she knew that she was the boss of this relationship , so with little thought , she crouched over and begun to urinate . Buster tilted his head at her action and felt his tail wag slightly . Slowly , he made his way and begun to gently lick her as he did earlier that day . Just like last time , Whitney returned the favor and both were licking each other 's face and muzzle for a few minutes . Then as if she was waking up , she realized what had taken place and what she was doing . She gasped and prayed that no one was looking or home for that matter . She then picked up her clothes and put them on as she ran back inside the house . She waited for Buster to return and then she tried forgetting that whole moment as she refilled his bowls and made herself dinner . She sighed wondering if this really was all real . " It can 't be … It 's just a coincidence … I mean I saw Millie , so maybe this is the thing that makes people move , but it can 't be because the pet store … Can it ? I don 't understand any of this … " She looked at the meat that she was about to cook till well done . Because of a show that her and Buster watched on Animal Planet about parasites , she was always afraid that she would get sick if she didn 't cook meat too well . As she stared at it , Whitney felt as if it didn 't matter anymore . She looked around and then before she could do anything , Buster smelt the raw meat on the counter and tried to nibble on some of it when Whitney looked over and suddenly growled at him . Buster whined and backed off surprising her even more . Whitney then felt like she needed to eat the meat , as if it was a prize for showing dominance . She hesitated for a moment , but then started chewing and smiled as the flavor was like nothing she had ever had . Looking guiltily , she took another and ate the strip whole . Buster came and looked at her pleadingly . " Sorry boy . I don 't know what happened … " Buster sighed and decided to go out in the backyard to do his business . Whitney then tried to finish making her dinner , when she looked at the healthy salad that she was going to toss . She felt hungry , but as she stared at the salad , she just didn 't feel interested . Sighing , she quickly dumped it in the trash and tended to the meat she was cooking . When buster returned , Whitney tossed a cutlet of cooked meat at him , and he ate it rather quickly . " What 's wrong with me ? " she thought to herself , as she remembered all that had happened . After she finished cooking the meat and some rice that she felt was still ok to eat , she said a little prayer and then tried eating . It was like her taste buds had changed in an instant . The meat tasted fine , but she knew that she liked the raw meat better . " I hope this is just a dream … I just wanna wake up ! " Buster felt her sadness and began gently licking her cheek making her feel the need to lick back again , but fortunately she stopped herself and cleaned up her dinner . The next morning was uneventful which helped her feel better and thought it was a dream . Until she had to use the bathroom … Whitney , after breakfast , felt the need to do her business . Immediately she made her way to the bathroom , but then she paused . It didn 't feel right and she felt as if she needed to find the perfect spot in the backyard . Buster had come from doing his business himself and tilted his head as he saw Whitney go back on all fours , walking around . She headed into the backyard and walked around looking for the perfect spot and when she felt like something was missing , she began sniffing around . It was then that she felt as if she could undeniably tell where she should go . When she found the spot , she took off her pants and underwear like last time , and squatted . After she finished she had again , realized what she had done and began crying . " Why again ? ! And I even felt in control as well … " Whitney began crying harder as she realized the truth in her words . She was more conscious than before , but she didn 't fight it as much as she thought that she would … When she regained her composure , she looked around and put on her discarded clothes . When she finished , she ran into her bathroom and tried to see if it was all in her imagination and her private area was normal again . Unfortunately , it was very real , and as she felt herself , she had finally realized that it was now a permanent feature to her body . She felt herself start to tear and even cried slightly knowing it was there forever . " Does this mean , I have to go outside now ? Like I - I … Oh crap , I have to go to work … I 'll figure this out later . C ' mon Buster ! " Buster barked knowing that they would go on another walk , and got really excited . Whitney smiled at his energy and felt herself getting pretty excited for the day ! Once Buster was secure , they jogged all the way to the emporium . When they arrived , Whitney checked in with her manager . " Mr . James , I 'm here ! " Randy surprisingly came out of the back and looked a little jumpier than usual . " Uh , hi Whitney … " " Randy are you ok ? " He nodded , though it was so fast and little , that it blended with his occasional shaking . " Yeah , sorry , Mr . James had unfortunately had to move … " Whitney 's eyes enlarged . " What ? But - but he was just … " He nodded his head more defined that time . Whitney figured that the sudden move was causing Randy to act this way , but as she looked closely , it seemed as if he knew something . " Uh , Whitney … Mr . James said that today was going to be the day when he would make the announcement of who would have his position and of course announcing that he was going to move . " Whitney looked around at some of the staff nearby . It was like they were thrown off their schedule and all of them tried to keep things together . " Uh , so who has his position now ? I mean he had to have left something . Oh , and by the way , you don 't have to keep anything a secret . I think I know why everyone who works here has to move ! I just saw Millie the other day and she had a cat 's tail ! I think everyone here are somehow becoming animals ! " Randy stared wide - eyed at Whitney as if she hit the nail on the head , but Whitney thought that he thought she was crazy . " Oh , um … Forget I said anything then … I can see you think I 'm nuts . " Randy at that moment had somehow felt more in control of everything and everyone that was around him . " Uh , yes . No Whitney , I don 't think your crazy , I believe you , but right now , we need to check on everybody . First and foremost , I had received news that Rick entrusted me with the position , and the sudden move just fazed me . I 'm going to put you on dog park duty so it 'll be more convenient for you and your dog . " Whitney nodded and took her leave , but after walking a little ways , she turned back into the staff office to get her uniform when she noticed that a frog jumped out of the room . Not knowing what to do , she tied buster to an aisle shelf and told him to stay . Buster was very obedient and waited as she tried to catch the frog . When she did , she walked to where the other frogs were and put him in with it 's own kind . After she locked the top , she went back , untied Buster , and got her uniform . The moment she finished , she felt compelled to look around to get more familiar with the office . Looking down , Whitney spotted a slightly open box and wondered what was inside . When she looked closer , she gasped as she saw writing that said . ' For my very long working employee , Randy , you are the manager . Try and get everyone calmed down and back to normal . I 've told you what you need to know for now so you 'll know what I mean when I say , I 'll try and keep these urges under control . If I escape , there is a picture of under the rippings . ' Whitney looked around to see if anyone was close or coming inside the office , but when a few seconds past with no sign , she looked at the box and dug through the paper . " Oh my gosh ! " Covering her mouth , she stared at the picture before her as she heard footsteps . Quickly , she put the picture back and tried to make it look like it had been as it were before she messed with it . " Oh ! Whitney , what a - are you doing here ? " Randy immediately grabbed the box and looked around nervously . " Oh , I just had to put my outfit on … " Randy nodded and left , but then came back in a rush . " Did you see a frog around here ? " Whitney knew that she had to tell him what she saw and did , but she didn 't feel like telling him what she knew when she came into the room . " What ? I mean … Good work . Um , I 've been able to maintain control of the staff , but we 're going to have to keep the store locked until we finalize everything , if you want , you can explore the staff pet room and then get familiar with your station , if another position comes up I 'll let you know . " Randy left and ran towards the reptile and amphibian section . Whitney watched and somehow hoped that he would get the right one . She thought about what Randy had said and led buster into the staff pet room . When she entered she saw the different pens for cats and dogs , and tanks for reptiles and amphibians . It was a little noisy , but she soon focused on a particular animal . It was a red furred cat meowing more than usual and tried to get far away from the cage . To help ease the cat 's worries , Whitney let Buster join two dogs that were already kind of playing . One was a husky while the other was a Bernese mountain dog . When Buster entered the pen however , the other dogs retreated to corners of the pen . " That 's strange … " As she looked more into the pen , the more she felt like she had met the dogs before , but her attention came back towards the cat with red fur . When she came closer towards the cage , she began sniffing at her , almost as if she was trying to find out more about her , but her nose didn 't pick up anything other than the smell of cat . " It 's ok kitty , I won 't hurt you ! " The cat then spoke . " I know you won 't Whitney , but - I mean … Meow ! " Her meowing sounded just like a real cat , but Whitney felt shocked hearing it talk . " What the … Wait , aren 't you Millie ? Millie ! You were near my house when you just had a tail and walking on all fours ! What happened ? " Millie just kept meowing and curled up in a corner away from the cage . Even if Millie was pretending to not being able to talk , Whitney needed an answer . Changes were already happening to her and she needed to know what is going on and what would become of her . When she came back to Buster , the dogs had finally been playing a bit of tag or something similar , and she smiled , almost feeling the energy of the animals . Soon , she felt another impulse that told her to join their fun . She thought , ' It 's just playing with the dogs … what could happen ? ' So she let herself in the pen . The dogs including Buster all walked around her and began sniffing her . As she pet the dogs , she noticed that there was one boy and one girl . Again , like she had with the cat , Whitney had begun to sniff around , but instead of nothing , she had actually picked up a scent or two . Her curiosity had soon gotten the better of her and she got down on all fours and begun sniffing some more . As she was taking in more smells , her nose soon took on a darker shade and different texture . Her olfactory system changed and she could smell more and more things with each whiff . All at the same time , she realized that she could sense more things by sniffing the animal 's backside and came closer to each of them . As this happened , a hairless tail had begun growing and wagging at her discoveries . She could smell what all of the dogs had earlier for food and tell that they were all healthy . " What are your names ? " Whitney felt as if they might have not been able to answer back , but she still wanted to try . Luckily , she heard them , but she also heard them barking , confusing her slightly . The husky answered first . I 'm Geremy … he gently licked her nose to which Whitney instinctively licked back . Next was a Bernese mountain dog . I 'm Beverly , but you can call me Bev . She gave Whitney a lick on her cheek as well , but Whitney felt compelled to sniff her a little more before licking back . Buster then came up to her . " Buster , I already know your name … " Buster gently licked her as well feeling love as a dog had for it 's master , and Whitney had returned his affection . Her tail had wagged pretty hard , and yet , she didn 't notice anything about it . They then began nipping at one another 's flanks , and had played for what seemed like hours . Soon , Randy had come in . He was putting the box in a frog habitat and quietly talked with the new frog neighbor . " Sorry sir , I don 't think the anyone else knows yet , but the new staff member seems to be a little suspicious , and I don 't know if she has started changing yet , but everyone else looks fine . " The frog , which had just turned around , nodded at him . " Good work Randy . " He said in a raspy frog voice . " Us animals usually lose the ability to talk within a week of transforming completely and our humanity is forever lost after six months … I want you to try and keep everyone calm . If you see anyone going into the transformation , quickly bring them here and keep them in the back . We have to keep an eye on them , or we 'll be getting things we don 't need . " Randy scratched back of his head and Rick could tell that he wanted to ask something . " What is it ? " " Well , sir … Why is this happening to our staff members ? I mean it doesn 't seem like any of this is possible ! " the frog nodded , and dodged a couple of normal minded frogs . " I know … I didn 't know why myself ! Heck ! I still don 't know … The manager before me told me that he didn 't know either , but that this has been going on for many years . The ones who don 't transform the longest become the manager , and when they find someone that hasn 't changed the longest , like themselves , they become the new manager and they finally start to change . " Rick had then jumped around with the other frogs and began acting more like a regular frog would . " Wait ! " he stopped and turned to him . " What should I tell the next person that changes ? Is this really my future ? " Randy was a regular guy , and though he loved animals , he didn 't want to become one . He had his dream after he had joined the staff , but as he was about to enter an animal door , a voice came from the human room . " Wait ! Don 't go in those ! Stay in this room for now ! " Randy turned to see a figure , but the head was too bright to see any features . He tried to look for a face , but woke up before he could determine what the person looked like . Rick had a similar dream , but when he realized that Randy was the one to replace him , he had the same dream , but wasn 't stopped like last time , so he wandered and headed towards the frog room . He usually never remembered his dreams , but after having one similar to it in the beginning and knowing what was in store for him made Rick never forget it , though it was slowly slipping away from his memory . " Yes … I 'm sorry to say , but you will eventually turn into an animal once you figure out your replacement . As for when another staff member changes , just tell them the truth and that it is best for them to lose all contact with anyone that they 've come to love . Also , tell them not to worry about their futures . It 's sad to say , but once we all lose our humanity , we 're regular animals . If we happen to be pets , then put us with the others . If we are wild , it 's best to take us back to our natural habitat while we still have our humanity . " Randy nodded and even took out a little notepad and wrote down his instructions . " It is the up most importance that everyone must face the fact that they are going to be animals . If not , they 'll just end up miserable for their last ' human ' days … This could have negative side effects and something could happen to their DNA " Randy nodded and let Rick return to acting like a normal - ish frog . As he was about to head back to the store , he saw Whitney in the pen with the other dogs , behaving strangely . Meanwhile , she had been sniffing around and soon felt turf on her hands and knees . She had then felt the need to use the bathroom again , and knowing what she knew now , she looked around and took off her pants and underwear . She sighed and squatted , relieving herself , and then dabbed her slightly urine wet area on the ground where it was dry . When she finished , she was about to put on her clothes when Geremy , Bev and Buster were sniffing her . At first she was hesitant , but then she felt that it was only right since she smelled them . Waiting patiently , she listened for their noses to stop taking in her scent to put on her clothes . When she was fully clothed she remembered of her mark and began sniffing at it , as if she had to make sure it was hers . When she finished , she went back to try and play with the dogs again , when Buster tugged at her pants . She whimpered her dislike , but otherwise didn 't care at the moment and even shook herself , making it easier for her pants to slip . Soon she was down to her undies and even then , Buster tugged . Geremy even joined him and soon , her underwear tore . " Guys ! Now I won 't be able to cover myself ! " You don 't need them though ! They 'll just be in the way when you need to pee . Buster said in an as - a matter - of - fact tone . Whitney thought about his logic and nodded . " Yeah … You 're right , sorry guys . " Soon Randy had come and stared wide eyed at Whitney . " Whitney ? " Snapping out of her funk , she fully realized that , except for the top half of her body , she was naked ! " Oh ! I … Randy … Can you keep a secret ? " Randy cut her off incase anyone came in to check where any of them were . " Quick , before you say anything , follow me ! " He tugged at her shirt since she was on all fours still . Buster , though questioning about Whitney 's status , knew that she was still his mistress . " Barrr - Bark ! ! " Get your paws off her ! As if feeding off of his energy , the other dogs began barking at Randy , but Whitney calmed them . " It 's alright guys , stop ! " The dogs stopped barking , but they continued to follow them . Soon , all of them ended into a farther end of the back room , which was closed off so no one could see unless they went through another door . Once he knew they were safe from sight , Randy let go of her shirt . " Sorry about that Whitney , but I just don 't want anyone to see you . Look , it 's strange since this is suppose to be your first day , but I can see that you have it now . " ' So Randy did know something ! ' Whitney thought . " So what happens now ? " Randy told her what Rick told her and what really happened to him . What affected her most was the news to do nothing about it and just wait till the changes come , there had to be some way to fight it . " Sorry Whit … There 's no way to change what 's already been done . You are going to be a dog , and we 'll have to wait till you 're fully a dog to start your life over again . " Sighing , she felt another urge overcome her . She whined a little and felt her tail droop , making her finally notice it . " Well , look at that … I have a tail now … " Randy could see that she was taking it quite well , despite her sadness . " Now remember what Rick said about your mood , I know it 's going to be hard , but you don 't want any abnormalities in your transformation … " Whitney nodded and felt better as her dog began licking her cheek . " Can I make one request ? " Randy had witnessed his boss , Millie , and now Whitney becoming animals , but this was the first that he heard of any kind of request . To help keep her happy , he agreed to it . " When it comes time for me to become adopted , I don 't want to leave Buster 's side … Even if my dog mind doesn 't care anymore , my real mind wants Buster to stay with me . Can you make that happen ? " Randy knew that he could make this happen and he wanted to make her happy not just for while she transformed , but he just wanted to do something even if he didn 't know her that well . " I promise ! " Whitney smiled and returned playing with the other dogs . They had a way to go to the staff room without a door , but Whitney knew not to follow them if they went there , or people would know … Meanwhile , Randy was about to head out , one of the staff members came . " There you are ! The other staff members are looking for you . They say that they saw Whitney come in , but they can 't find her at her station ! " " It 's ok , calm down . Sadly , Whitney had to quit . She had an emergency with her family and had to move . " The staff member lowered her head . " That 's a shame … She just got the job … " Randy nodded and they headed back out . When the dogs came back , Whitney 's happy energy returned . " So , since I 'm stuck here for now , and I think you guys are here too till your humanity slips … What do you guys want to do ? " Buster , who was already resting from the day , gave the rest of them ideas to sleep as well . Soon , all of them went in a circle and laid on their stomachs . " Uh guys … When did you all fully transform into dogs ? I mean I can tell that it 's been more than two weeks since you cant talk , but I want to know how much time I have with … Well , with people like me . " Geremy and Bev nodded in understanding . I was finally done transforming exactly two weeks and a day . Geremy nodded and then spoke . I finished just last week and four days ago , so I 'm actually the latest transformee or whatever . Lowering her head to get ready to sleep , Whitney looked back at her tail . It was pretty long which she was happy about , but there was no sign of fur yet . Since she knew it was inevitable , she felt better about becoming a dog , with a tail fully grown on her end . Luckily there wasn 't much that she had to do till she was fully a dog . She was an orphan just last year , and there really weren 't any relatives that she could rely on . In fact , Buster was the only family member for now . She didn 't make many friends since she moved far from her hometown . She hadn 't contacted them in years anyway , and Buster who had been with her since her move , would hopefully always be with her if Randy kept his word . After a few minutes , she began to fall asleep . She had another dream where she was in the castle full of animals divided by rooms and her taking the same action . The only thing that was different was she felt as if the temperature had risen . As she walked around the room , Whitney frantically searched for the thermostat or an air conditioner , but unfortunately there wasn 't any around . " No ! " Whitney looked on in shock as she saw many dogs having sex , and looked around her to find that a few dogs were looking at her funny and sniffing around her area . " Stop ! Get back ! " Whitney had then woken with bolt standing on all fours . She sighed as she realized that it was just a dream , but became worried as she noticed the other two waking up in very much the same way . " You guys had that dream of the hot temperature ? " They nodded in unison , and felt the need to do their business . As they found turf , they noticed Buster had joined them and all of them looked for a spot . Whitney went first and squatted . When she was finished , she didn 't dry herself like last time , but had sniffed it again . After , Bev went over her mess , and then Buster went over that . Sorry … I couldn 't help but go over your spot … Whitney shook her head . " It 's ok , I don 't really mind . " Geremy had come back from his business , but then had smelled Buster 's scent and pissed over that . Buster had growled at him for what he had done and Geremy whined , but then changed , almost as if someone had snapped their fingers . He began to growl and Buster got a little bit intimidated , but stood his ground . It was back to back growling and eventually Buster had won being the boss of the group since he was a real dog and had no real humanity to him . Buster then went over Geremy 's scent and everyone went back to playing around . At a point or two , Whitney felt her temperature rise a little and felt like she needed to get something done , but had no idea what . After more and more moments , she couldn 't take it anymore . " Does anyone feel this ache ? I need something to fill me ! " Bev nodded and told her that she felt the same , but Geremy shook his head . Well … I do feel an ache , but it 's different than what you guys have … I don 't know what it is ! Then Geremy and Buster began sniffing the air . Do - Do you guys smell that ? I - I feel … I feel horny … Geremy looked down at his sheath and saw his penis poke out a bit . " Oh God ! Now I know why we had that dream … Bev ! We 're going into heat ! " Bev whimpered and began running around . Geremy had started chasing after her . All the while , Whitney sniffed around and frantically searched for a spot to hide . She was surprised how much the ache hurt more as time passed , but that she was able to distract herself . Suddenly , as she stuck her head in a little spot hidden from the other dogs , Whitney felt a cold nose on her butt and sniffing a little . Whitney prayed that nothing would happen , and for a while nothing did , making her sigh in relief , but then she felt a tongue begin licking her , making her feel horny as well , but she was still mostly human , and tried to get away from whoever was doing that as fast as possible . When she turned around , she gasped as she saw Buster was the dog licking her . She backed up into the spot and felt her tail touch her backside . Almost forgetting that she had a tail , she jumped slightly and run along with Bev . As she ran , her hands had finished transforming into paws and her arms were just about finished . Her hind legs had just begun as she was keeping up with Bev , and went back and forth between the staff pet room and the secret back room . She knew that she wasn 't allowed to go there , but she didn 't want to be a mother more . Luckily , Randy had come in and saw the sight of Beverly and Whitney running from Geremy and Buster . " Hey ! What 's going on Whit ? " She tried talking as she ran as fast as she could , escaping both male dogs . " We didn 't mean to be ! We - are in - We 're in heat ! They keep chasing us ! " Randy gasped and grabbed Geremy 's and Buster 's collars letting all of the dogs catch their breath . " Oh … Thanks Randy … " Randy soon heard footsteps and told Whitney to hide . " What 's wrong ? I thought I heard something in here ? Hey … Isn 't that Whitney 's dog ? " Thinking quickly , he told the staff member that Whitney couldn 't take Buster with her and that he would own Buster temporarily . " That 's sad … I used to have a dog that I would think was like Whitney owning the dog . I mean I just met her so I don 't know , but anyways … I really love my dog , and he was very intelligent . " " Sorry , I don 't mean to interrupt , but it 's actually pretty important that you take these guys right now while I take the girl . It seems that she 's going into heat … I need to get a fence . " The staff member nodded and held a tight grip on their collars . " Why aren 't they spayed and neutered ? " Randy soon fixed the fence to keep the males at the front and the female ( s ) in the back part of the room . " I don 't know , but for now , we just have to keep them separated . " Once they were separated , Randy let the staff go home and closed the shop a little early that day . When he came back , he backed his car into the back room of the staff pet room and opened the trunk to reveal a crate . He knew that if he was ever spotted without Buster after telling them that he would own him temporarily , they would start to wonder why and what was going on . Looking around , he waited a few seconds till he loaded Whitney in the car . She tried climbing , but her now fully transformed limbs didn 't help , so she jumped , and smiled at how high she managed to go . She was soon packed in the crate , and Buster was next . He got in no problem , and since the fence could stretch even more , he tied up Geremy on one side and Bev on the other , and changed the direction of the fence long ways , so they would have an equal amount of turf . After , he let them go , Randy gave them a refill of their food and water bowls , and cleaned a little bit of the turf . " You guys should be good for now . Don 't worry … I 'll try and get you guys comfortable for now and I 'll bring Buster and Whit back soon . " The dogs gave a canine smile and panted at the news . Soon he was at his house and unloaded Whitney first to get her paws on real grass . Her tail wagged with delight , but then soon felt the need to have sex again . Whimpering , she began sniffing around the backyard to distract herself . Randy had a nice modest house . It was certainly an upgrade from Whitney 's townhouse , and he had a very tall wooden fence that would give them privacy . It was perfect . " This is actually pretty convenient . " She said , her tail starting to feel pins and needles . She whimpered slightly , but Randy knew something was up . " What 's wrong Whit ? " She shook her head and lifted her tail . It was growing white fur , but it didn 't grow too much " Oh your fur is starting to grow . " Feeling better about her transformation , she looked back eagerly and saw it . It began wagging harder and she began running around the yard . Soon buster had joined them . " Try and hang tight … I 'm going to close the trunk . Whitney nodded and continued running , even nipping at Buster 's sides to encourage him to play with her . As this happened , a pop sounded and more feelings of pins and needles came . " Ow … I hope that the transformation hurries … I just want the pain to end … " As she stood around , her pheromones once again attracted Buster 's attention and he began to sniff around Whitney 's backside . Forgetting about almost being screwed an hour or so ago , she let him and even took Buster 's invitation to sniff his . She could tell by his scent that he was pretty happy and excited . She even felt her tail wagging , feeling the same way . As their activity continued , Whitney began gravitating to Buster 's sheath and watched as his penis began peeking out . A little hesitant , Whitney felt compelled and eventually began gently licking him and felt her vagina started to moisten . She knew that she had to have his penis in her and began licking more and more triggering an erection Buster , though knowing she was his mistress , became confused as he smelled the scent of a female dog in heat . He tried to find something to help him determine who she really was to him now , and begun licking her . As he continued licking , he knew then that she was fully a dog and begun tugging at the remainder of her clothes . Becoming a little nervous at Buster 's actions , Whitney tugged the other way and soon she was fully naked . Before anything else happened , she started checking herself over incase she still had her regular breasts , but luckily they had already flattened into nipples and the last pair of eight was about finished . She also noticed that more fur had taken over her body . " Wow I 'm almost fully transformed ! " Buster then barked , breaking her distraction . " Oh ! Um … Where were we ? " Buster licked her cheek and she licked back . She didn 't care anymore if a fading part of her thought it was weird . She was going to become an animal and she knew that she had to get used to her developing animal instincts . Before any of them made another move finishing what they started , Randy had finally gotten back . " So , sorry that I took so long , I just wanted to get my house ready for you guys , and I know that you want to stay together , but I think for the time being , it 's best that I keep you guys separate . " Whitney nodded her head , and then realized that she was about to have sex minute ago and whined . " What is it ? " Lowering her head , she told him how she almost had done it , but at the same time , she thought ' so what ? ' " I mean , yeah I 'll have puppies , but I - I feel like nothing 's gonna stop this , and I even want it to happen ! " Randy lowered his head . Whitney may have changed her mind because she was in heat , but he didn 't . He was already in charge of way too much . More than his position promised , but at the same time , he felt afraid that if he didn 't keep with the transformed , he would just end up as an animal as well . He knew he would end up as an animal anyway , but he wanted as much time as a human as he could manage . If it happened , he couldn 't stop it , but he knew that he had to try . " Well , let 's just get you guys some dinner . " Clipping a leash unto Buster 's collar , he led both of them inside and tied him to the corner of the kitchen . After he poured the kibble , he put pairs of food and water bowls on the floor and kept them apart . Whitney knew that Randy probably wanted her and Buster to stay separated until the heat was gone , and the more she though of his request , to which she decided to try and uphold , she thought about her reasoning of why she had changed her mind . ' Maybe it 's just me in heat talking … ' By then she tried her hardest to distract herself as long as she could from falling victim to the urges . After they ate and had their fill of water , they were led outside with the help of Randy , and set out to go to the bathroom . After a long day , all of them soon headed into bed . Randy had installed two dog doors incase they needed to go out and do their business while he slept and hoped that Whitney could handle herself . To keep them apart as much as he could , he brought a fence that he had borrowed from the emporium and stretched it out in his living room so they would be separate and gated any other openings so they couldn 't meet each other besides the dog doors . Finally he brought the dog bowls from the kitchen and brought beds . " Ok , I 'm counting on you guys to stay separated , I tried getting the biggest of fences , but you might find a way out … Please , just try … " Both whimpered , but Whitney nodded trying her best to suppress her urges . Luckily there were no other changes . At the moment Whitney had the head of a human with the exception of her dog nose . The rest of her body was that of a dog but only her tail and her paws all the way up to her limbs had fur . On the inside , it was all dog , and Whitney knew that with the rate of the changes , she was sure to physically be a real dog by tomorrow . As the night grew Whitney began to fall asleep , until she heard a voice You in the mood yet ? Jumping , Whitney began looking around . She didn 't have night vision yet so her eyes slowly began to adjust to the darkness and soon found a figure that she figured was Buster . " I don 't know if you can understand me , but yes … " She whispered . Unfortunately he didn 't and he asked again . Thinking , she tried to communicate by barking softly . " Bar - " Yea - I - Yeah . It was weird to bark and hear it 's meaning , at least , when she did it herself . Buster understood enough and tried to find some way to get to her , and even asked her if she knew , forgetting about the dog door for the moment . She watched on as her desire grew with his determination . She really wanted him . She even whimpered a little , feeling the ache that buster could help fix , but she also tried to distract herself . She didn 't want to , but then she did . Becoming more confused just thinking about it , Whitney circled around and curled upon the dog bed . Buster eventually remembered and walked through the doors , meeting up with her and began licking her cheek . Lifting her head up and realizing Buster figured out the doors , she ran outside . They ran for minutes up to an hour until both were tired and rested for a few seconds . When they finished , Buster was quickly right behind Whitney and began licking her . Failing to fight the urges , Whiney began licking back and lowered her head to his sheath . As she sniffed she felt a pull , as her muzzle was beginning to form . As this happened , her tongue lengthened and her teeth quickly changed . Waiting for the changes to be over , she stopped sniffing for a bit . Then continued when it finished , and even began licking . Buster whined with pleasure as his penis protruded , becoming a full - blown erection . Buster had returned the favor as he began licking her vagina . Neither of them stopped , sensing their excitement of one another with each lick . After a few more seconds , both of them couldn 't take it anymore and Whitney faced her backside to Buster 's muzzle with her tail raised to the side . Buster didn 't hesitate and mounted her . When Buster finally slid his penis in , Whitney never knew that she could ever feel so good . He then began humping her , making her fidget a little as she felt more and more pleasure overtake her body . To help her hold still , Buster nipped on her neck lightly and kept her still . Whitney moaned and even barked a few times , feeling more and more in ecstasy until she came . She howled as it almost became too much , but Buster kept going . Soon a bulge entered her , and with one final push , Buster released and did his own howl as the walls of Whitney 's vagina spasmed . It was over , and on instinct , he turned and they were stuck . Catching her breath , Whitney turned to see how Buster was doing . Even though she had just had sex with him , for now he was still her dog . She tilted her head and began licking his muzzle , and he licked back . Once the knot died down , they cleaned themselves and even went at it again a few times . After , they sniffed around , did their business , and they both headed back inside and slept in separate spots . The next few weeks , Whitney , who was a fully transformed Dalmatian saw her stomach bulge . Randy didn 't ask her , but knew that both her and Buster must have screwed around the time he brought them to his house and sighed , He knew it wasn 't all her fault and even told her that he forgave her . Eventually , Whitney had lost her ability to speak , but she could understand just like Geremy and Bev did when she met them . Speaking of which , just like Randy promised , he brought Whitney and Buster back to the emporium to play . They all would play until Beverly and Whitney 's bulges were too much for them . Randy had found that Bev had developed a bulge as well the same time as Whitney , and knew that somehow , Geremy found a way to get to her . So , you got fucked to ? Whitney nodded . I couldn 't fight it anymore and I was even the one that kinda started it … Beverly licked Whitney 's muzzle . Don 't feel bad … at least we 'll be mother 's together . Whitney licked her and nodded . Soon it was time for the puppies to arrive . Randy and another staff member helped , but Whitney and Bev were doing really well for their first time . Beverly had a total of eight puppies , three of which were boys . For Whitney though , she had ten , and she had an equal amount of boys and girls , but having ten pups and eight teats , she knew that it would be hard . They both quickly nuzzled each of their pups to their bulging teats and though they were happy about their pups being well fed , they also loved the feeling . Another type of pleasure pulsed through each of them and both hoped that the pleasure could last forever . Soon the pups rested and the new mothers , and even the dads groomed their pups . As the next few weeks passed , all of the transformees were relieved to see that they all acted like regular pups and that there were no strange side effects . To help her keep track of her pups though , Whitney all mentally gave them names . Bev also thought of names for hers , and with them raising their pups together , the pups had plenty of playmates . To Whitney 's surprise , Buster had shown to be a pretty good dad , though he didn 't have much common thought , and she smiled whenever she picked up some of his talk . Good boy … now sniff it out ! That 's a good girl ! He even tended to her when she grew too stressed . He would often lick her muzzle or tug affectionately on her ear and they would sometimes end up playing and their pups would join them . Though it was a little tuff , Whitney and the others did love raising their ' children ' , but eventually , it was time to sell the pups … Seven weeks had past and a little pen was set up with a sign . " Great Dalmatians for sale ! They 're very smart ! Fifty bucks each ! " Whitney couldn 't believe what she had just heard coming from Randy and made her dislike known by growling . " Don 't be like that Whit … This is mostly your 's and Buster 's own fault . We can 't keep them , besides , soon you might not remember much of this when you fully become a dog … " Her head lowered at the truth , and fear that Randy would be right in her forgetting possibly all of these moments . Frantically she jumped into the pen and tried snuggling with her pups one last time . Although she didn 't want it , people began crossing the sign 's path and headed towards the pen . Whitney wanted to growl and bite some of the hands that picked up her pups , but she knew that not only would it be wrong of her to do that , but that Randy might even punish her . She sighed as she watched a few go , and then soon , all of her pups had been given to good homes . I hope they really are … Whitney whined . Buster jumped into the pen and began licking her muzzle . Pups will be fine … We 'll have more when the time comes . Another three months later , Whitney was in heat again . This time however , Geremy and Bev were fully dogs , and knew of Whitney , but they didn 't hold conversations or acted like themselves anymore and were eventually adopted . Whitney didn 't look forward to being in heat since she knew that she would be alone , although , she knew what to do now … When she did go into heat , she also had found that it was hard to distract herself more than last time . She knew that soon she would fully be a dog soon , and that she would be different when she had her new litter . Randy , who had come home from work had gotten used to Whitney and Buster greeting him at the door like regular dogs since Bev and Geremy were gone , but he knew that Whitney , though still retaining her rational thoughts , would soon be an ordinary dog . " Guys ! I 'm home ! ! " Meanwhile , in the backyard , Whitney had felt her mood change and the ache of wanting to be penetrated , and wasted no time to get Buster 's attention . She quickly ran up to him and began gently licking his sheath 's tip , triggering Buster 's penis to emerged , and didn 't stop till he was fully ready . Buster had smelt her scent and also began to lick her vagina lips . Whitney shuttered at the sensation , and turned , moving her tail to the side . Buster quickly mounted and began thrusting . His penis poked several times until he found the right spot and humped . Whitney didn 't moan like before , but whimpered more and more as waves of pleasure surged through her whole body . She wanted more and barked for it ! As he almost over satisfied her , the tip of his penis hit the end and soon his knot had entered . I love you Buster ! Good boy … Whitney orgasmed and then suddenly felt a little different , but didn 't think about it for now . She was still in the middle of something and didn 't want to interrupt anything . Buster nipped at her neck , keeping her in place . He then released and howled victoriously . Randy , who had been looking for the dogs heard it , and felt his eyes widen . " NO ! Nononononononono ! " When he finally found them in the backyard it was too late . He knew it was useless , but tried to separate them somehow . Both , though , had growled at him , like he was annoying them . Buster licked Whitney 's muzzle and Whitney licked back . " Whitney ! Why ? Why would you do this again ? " Whitney glanced at him for a few seconds , but then went back to licking Buster 's muzzle . Buster had turned over at that time and both of them continued showing affection with one another , and after the knot shrank , Whitney didn 't hesitate to get Buster back in the mood . Randy on the other hand gave up and went inside to have a drink . " She didn 't respond to me like she usually does , and it 's been at least six months since she had lost her ability to speak … I - I guess this means … This must mean she 's just a regular dog now … " When he walked to look out of his window he stared in sorrow as he saw Whitney and Buster resting after their fourth time mating . Randy sighed and went to bed , not knowing what to do since he couldn 't reason with them . After about five more times , Whitney and Buster were finally done for the rest of the day . They began sniffing for places to go to the bathroom and then they spent the next few minutes cleaning themselves before playing tag with one another . When they finished , Whitney licked her mate 's muzzle and Buster licked back . They were almost like lovebirds , and when they headed inside for some kibble , they smelled the scent of their master . As they ran to Randy 's room , Whitney had felt as if Randy meant more to her than just her master before , but nothing came to mind other than he was a nice master . When they reached his room , they hopped onto the bed and began sniffing him . Randy woke up to licking and almost licked back since he dreamt of running as a dog and then saw Buster and Whitney run to his side and lick him . Randy bolted and woke in a cold sweat . " Ah ! Oh , I - I hope this doesn 't mean I 'm gonna be you guys yet … " Both dogs tilted their heads at the sound of Randy 's speech sounding afraid . Sighing , Randy relaxed remembering that the dream was different meaning that he wouldn 't transform for a while . He reached his hands out and began to pet both dogs who began licking his palms , and for the rest of the evening , they all rested . The next two months , Whitney was ready to give birth and knew what to do , but didn 't act like how her human mind would have told her to do during her first pregnancy . This time , her litter consisted of five pups , three were boys and two were girls . She was a great mother and cared for them greatly , and then when it was time for their adoption , she whimpered , but didn 't do much else as all of her pups went to great homes . Eventually Randy had found a buyer that took both Whitney and Buster , and they spent the rest of their lives living as carefree dogs and even had more litters as the years past . Whitney never remembered her old life , but of course it didn 't bother her too much . After all , she is now just a regular dog . |
For the first time , I was rear - ended on the freeway . I was alone in the car and was on my way to my apartment before school started . In my rearview mirror I noticed the silver car speed behind me , accelerating too fast to slow for the traffic , getting too close to me , and I thought please don 't hit me . Brakelights . Then , WHAM ! My mind shut down for a moment . What just happened ? Did I really just get hit ? Yeah . What do I do now ? I saw the driver behind me switch lanes and edge toward the shoulder . Dazed , I tried to follow her , but as I tried to get over to the right lane , an impatient driver sped through that lane around me , causing me to swerve back to the left to stay in my lane . Soon enough , a bus in the right lane slowed for me so I could get over , and I did , pulling to the shoulder . We got out of our cars slowly , nervous to approach one another . She immediately admitted fault saying it was all her . I said I was a little shaken up and had never been in an accident like this before . We exchanged all the necessary info , noted the damage to my bumper , and then returned to our respective cars and went on our business . I felt very wary behind the wheel afterward , and stayed in the right lane until I got back to my apartment to call my mom . She advised me to call the insurance company right away and report the claim , and even though I wasn 't eager to get on the phone with them , I did . No one answered though so I left a message and headed out to my first day of class this semester . At school , I managed to talk to and introduce myself to one person next to me , one of the few females in the Criminal Justice class . I told her about my morning with the accident and she said that her friend got hit on her 21st birthday before . We talked about our majors and career ideas ; she wants to be a police officer . I thought of asking her if she wanted to exchange contact info , but I was afraid of asking too soon so I didn 't . I don 't truly feel like I 've made a friend in class until we 've switched numbers and emails , and I usually do that right away , but there are times when I have a harder time asking . I 'm planning to do that soon though . That was my only class for the day , so I headed home after that . One of the main reasons I 've always had some fears with driving is because I 've feared getting in an accident . Well , that finally happened , but luckily this experience wasn 't too terrifying and I didn 't get hurt . What I 've realized though , is that the number of phone calls you have to make afterward is one of the worst parts . I had to make and receive a lot of calls throughout the week and the week after with the insurance company and the estimate place . I found this to be very draining , and I got quite stressed some days from being on the phone so much all day , relaying what happened . But when I had to call people , I did it in front of one of my close friends , and I did it right away , which is something I 'd learned to be helpful from my 2011 Phone Phobia experiment in my Shyness Project . I wouldn 't allow myself the time to think or worry about what I was doing , which made it easier to call even though I still dislike doing it . The people I talked to were very nice though and seemed genuinely concerned that I was ok after the accident . After I finished calling the insurance company for the last time at the end of the week , one of my close friends helped de - stress me by doing a silly thing with a cookie . She tried to inch the cookie down her forehead and into her mouth , which was quite amusing to watch , even more so when my other close friend tried doing it too . I laughed and felt more relaxed , grateful that the accident wasn 't fatal and my life hadn 't been changed for the worse that morning . It 's been a while since I 've posted and have been on WordPress , as you all have noticed I 'm sure . In my last post I discussed how I was wrapping up my first year of community college . Well , it 's November now and I am in my second year of community college and have been living away from home in an apartment with friends as of a few months . In this short period of time I have grown a lot and have become more independent , and have faced some of my fears and learned that they weren 't as bad as I thought they would be . For one , I 've been driving a lot more on my own than I used to . Granted , it 's been a lot easier because I have a GPS I can use now , but I 'm a lot less hesitant to go out somewhere I 've never been before . I 've gotten lost a few times , but I 've managed to turn myself around and find my way even when the GPS loses reception . I 'm proud of myself for that , and I do feel a lot more independent and capable . Sometimes I really enjoy driving even , especially when the songs are good on the radio . Living in another city for the first time has been a learning experience as well . I only moved about an hour and a half away from home , but considering I 've always lived in the same small town for the past 19 years of my life , it 's been a significant experience for me . Thanks to swing dancing , I already knew a lot of people here , but I 've also made some new friends and overall I 've been very happy . I also entered my first full - on relationship several months ago , which is something I didn 't think I would be ready to do because I had had some bad experiences with dating in the past that had made me hesitant to get involved . Even though it is over now , I had a great experience and learned a lot from getting to know someone on that deeper level . The experience showed me that dating could be fun and that your friendship with the person can still be maintained afterward if you ended on good terms . Dating can certainly still be a little scary , but I definitely have a better perspective on it than I did before . On reflection , I think it 's amazing how much our initial experiences can shape our views , and I 'm glad that my perspective has finally shifted in this area . Again , sorry for not keeping this blog up - to - date these past few months , but I hope you all have been doing well and have experienced some personal growth over this time too ! If you 've learned anything new or feel like you 've improved in one area of your life , please tell me about it in the comments or in an email as I 'd love to hear about it . Enjoy your week ! Well my second semester of college will be completed in less than two weeks . 2012 is certainly flying by ; I can 't believe it 's May already . It 's been an emotional and stressful year so far for me , but I 've learned a lot from it . I gave a presentation in women 's history class last Thursday which I was nervous about since I hadn 't had to do much of any public speaking in months , but it went really well . Somehow I managed to not get panicky before my turn to present and spoke with ease and confidence , and made the class laugh too . I 'm glad that my speaking ability hasn 't diminished since I haven 't been up in front of anyone in a while . I had to give a little presentation in my cinema class the week before too , which wasn 't a big deal to me either . The girl behind me though came in late to class as we were watching a movie , and at the end the instructor asked her to give her presentation . I could tell she was caught off guard and I heard her voice shaking and trembling like she was about to cry or have some sort of anxiety attack so I turned around quick and said , " Hey , would you rather do it next week ? " She nodded , so I called over to the professor , " Can she do it next week ? " He said sure ( he 's a nice guy and a lot of people have been giving their presentations later than planned ) and asked if she could give it Monday at 9 and she whispered , " Yes sir " , but he didn 't hear her so I told him that would be good . She looked relieved and the instructor seemed to pick up on what was going on too and seemed glad that I was looking out for her . It 's cool to be on the opposite side of things now and to help people out who have fears of speaking in front of the class . Hopefully she will be ready to give her presentation this week and she won 't skip class because of it , but I had a feeling that if she had to give it that day that she might burst into tears up there or have some kind of anxiety attack . Other than that I 've been doing good . I 've been learning more about myself this year and am getting a better idea about what I want in life . In August I 'll be moving out on my own with some friends to take classes at a different community college , so that will be exciting . I think it will be a great experience for me . Hope you are all doing well ! Lately I 've been doing a lot of swing dancing . I was first introduced to swing dance when my brother Andrew took me to a dance in Golden Gate Park when I was 13 or so . I remember I only danced with two other people than my brother then , because I wasn 't as comfortable dancing with others and didn 't know as much about the dance as I know now . Recently , I went to San Diego for my brother Andrew 's wedding . At his wedding , we did a lot of swing dancing because Andrew and a majority of his friends are all really talented swing dancers . I had a blast and I had the time of my life when Andrew , Liz , and Dewey and I took the stage and did an impromptu lindy dance in front of everybody . At one point my brother picked me up and spun me around , and other times I was jumping in the air as he kicked between my legs . The dance was intense because it ended up being to an 8 minute song called " Bill 's Bounce " , which wasn 't intended to be played during the dance session , but it was really fun . I went swing dancing the following Wednesday and Friday with my brother 's best friend Jack as well , and had a great time . I made some new friends , and learned some new dances . I was sad when I had to leave on Saturday because I had enjoyed dancing in San Diego so much and meeting the people there . Swing dancing is a great way to make new friends . It 's a social dance , so you dance with as many people as you can and will meet lots of people . And several of the people who are swing dancers tend to be pretty cool people from my experience . There seems to always be a few creepy guys at every venue , but you learn to spot them and set your boundaries with them if they are bothering you . I think whenever you find something that you are passionate about and get involved in it boosts your confidence as well . The trick with getting involved in any type of dancing is being ok with not being good at it at first . This is a hard thing to accept sometimes because you 're dancing with other people and want to do well , but with anything it 's going to take time to get better at something . A lot of people try it and give up right away because it seems too hard , but if they would stick with it a little longer they would see that each time they practice they are getting better . I 'm very glad that my brother introduced me to swing dance when I was young , and I know it will be something that I will continue to do all my life . I recently finished a great book called MWF Seeking BFF . It 's written by Rachel Bertsche , and it chronicles the year she embarked on 52 friend dates in a search for a new best friend after a move to a new city . It 's a very entertaining read as she is very honest in sharing her thoughts of the people she meets as she puts herself out there to make new friends . There are a lot of great quotes in the book about friendships and reaching out to new people , but this is one of the best ones I think . She writes , " We all think we 're living in a world of grouches , so we 're too self - conscious to be the overtly friendly one . A 2009 survey found that 75 % of adults say Americans are becoming ruder and less civilized . I was part of that ¾ of the population when I moved to Chicago . I thought overtures of friendship would be received with suspicion rather than appreciation , so I hung back in fear of being the weirdo . Now I think I was wrong . It 's not that people are less civilized , it 's just that we think they are , and so we act accordingly . We don 't reach out to talk to new people because we assume they don 't want to be bothered . But as I continue to pursue friendships , I 'm constantly surprised at how receptive people are . " I read Rachel 's blog before I read her book . Her blog was always interesting to read too and she always writes with a good sense of humor . If you haven 't heard of her story I recommend reading some of her posts and reading her book too . When I made an effort to make new friends as part of my project , I came to the same conclusions as Rachel . People were happy I reached out to them . One girl in my speech class even told me she was very grateful I had befriended her because she didn 't know if she could have gotten through that class without me . That was pretty touching and it made me very glad I chose to try and befriend her . Like Rachel , I 'm always open to new friends and even now I 've been making an effort to meet new people . I recently made a few new friends at school who are really cool people , and afterward I was so happy I was skipping . It 's a great feeling when you 've made some new friends . We often do think that the people around us aren 't open to a conversation or open to being friends , but the truth is just the opposite . Many people would be thrilled that you reached out to them , and would be happy to be friends . I know that when people start talking to me that I 'm thrilled and happy to talk . So it 's good to keep that in mind the next time we think that someone won 't want to talk to us . The odds are that they would be flattered . When you feel down and are going through a tough time , it can be hard to get your head together again . I was struggling with a lot of doubts and uncertainties that suddenly arose , and my mind was not giving me a break . Suffice to say I wasn 't being a good friend to myself for once and was slipping into a place I 'd never been before . But I don 't want to be in that place any longer . I have to accept uncertainty and difficulty , and keep trudging forward . I have to see the positives and not just the negatives . I read a few of the recent posts on the blog , Year of Kindness , this afternoon after a long and dreary day at school . Let 's just say that the posts touched my heart and I think it 's wonderful that Cat 's doing random acts of kindness for strangers . It lifted my spirits reading about her generosity and thoughtfulness , and I thought of how I would feel if I had been one of her recipients , especially if it was during a time when I was feeling down like I have been . I 'm sure it would have brightened my day . I think doing kind things for others can really be helpful for when you aren 't feeling well yourself . It brings you a sense of human connection and reminds you of the little differences you can make each day . I feel inspired by Cat to be more active in my random acts of kindness now too . I have done random acts of kindness in the past for strangers as well as people I know , but I haven 't really done any lately . I feel like doing some now though , even just little things . I know there are many people out there going through tough times themselves , and I hope I can make their day a little better so they can be given a boost of hope like Cat 's blog did for me . If you want a boost of hope yourself , head on over to Cat 's blog and read about what 's she been up to ! You won 't regret it ! I know it 's been a while since I have posted . I will admit it 's been a lot harder for me to keep up this blog this year than it was last year . I still want to try and keep it up , though my focus has been elsewhere from shyness and it is more difficult to find things I want to write about . I 've been taking care of myself though , running or walking daily , talking to friends and family , and writing a lot in my journal . I will be ok and don 't want anyone to worry though . It 's just a tough time . I have made two community college friends this year , though have only hung out with one of them outside of class , Kim . I like how she isn 't afraid to ask me random questions when we 're together and we can just ask each other about ourselves . We played tennis recently and she told me she 's in her second year of community college but I 'm the first friend she 's made there . She thinks it 's hard to meet people and that most people in community college aren 't as friendly as me . I was really honored and was glad to be her first community college friend . The other friend I made was a girl named Kelly from my very monotonous History class . I originally sat next to a group of obnoxious girls and boys , but the next class I decided to choose a new place to sit and tried sitting next to this girl . She was furiously solving a Rubik 's cube as I sat down , and I wondered if she would be too absorbed in her cube to talk to me . After she finished solving the cube and set it down , I asked her about when the history essay was due though . She smiled and said not for a while . I then asked her about the Rubik 's cube and if she had it memorized how to solve it and she said she had . She was really smiley and nice and went into that and how she had gotten into Rubik 's cubes a lot lately . We talked more on that . She brought out her laptop then which apparently has a kindle on there and games . The laptop was a graduation present , and it turns out we graduated high school the same year . I was thinking of when I would introduce myself and say my name and if I should wait when she smiled and said , " My name 's Kelly . " And I told her my name from there . She asked if I had read the Hunger Games and I said I hadn 't , and she really recommended them , and then we got on the subject of Harry Potter . She was really friendly and it made the class so much more enjoyable . The actual lecture was still very boring though , but it was nice to have made a friend to get through it with . On Friday afternoon I picked up my friend Angela for a trip to a nearby town . I was going to meet a long time blogging friend in person for the first time , Kathy from Pocket Perspectives , as well as her friend Jampa , who is a Buddhist monk from New Zealand who would be staying with her for a few weeks . I was excited at the prospects of meeting someone in person from blogging , as well as meeting a Buddhist monk for the first time . I decided to be the one to drive to get some practice driving to a new place . The directions seemed pretty straight forward , which was nice , and I found it no problem . We got there early so we waited in the car for a bit , then went in and greeted Kathy . I went in for a hug right away , and immediately we all felt at ease and comfortable . We all got along really well and Kathy seemed very down to earth and sweet . We sat down and talked a little while in the kitchen , mostly about blogging and how encouraging and supportive we 've found so many bloggers to be . We both used to get nervous about pressing the " publish " button with all we were revealing about ourselves , but neither of us have really come across any mean people ( though she did come across one ) . After a little while , she set us up with some cushions on her living room floor and left the room to get Jampa . Soon enough a tall man wearing red robes entered the room behind her , and he greeted us with handshakes , clasping our hands with both of his hands . He took a seat in a cushion across from us , so the four of us all sat in a circle . He first asked me about myself and my blog , and we talked about that for a little while . He asked if I was shy , and I said for me it 's a situational thing . I used to think it was my identity and made it out to be so much more than it was , but in truth it was always a situational thing . The difference between now and a year ago has much to do with that realization , and that many of the fears I had I 've now faced and no longer fear them like I did . He said he was once very shy and unsure of himself , which surprised Kathy , but he said it was true . It wasn 't until he became a monk that that all changed . He talked to us about college too and asked what we were studying . It was a nice , heartfelt conversation and we all felt included . The word I 'd use to describe Jampa is jovial . I 've never met a person so happy and full of love . He was very friendly and talkative in his New Zealand accent and it was so cool getting to know him . He had a great laugh and laughed often and was always smiling . You might think of a monk as a quiet , wise old man , but he was quite the opposite . After we talked a while , he asked if we wanted to try some meditation . We said we did , so he had us cross our legs or get comfortable in whatever way worked for us , and clasp our hands in our lap . He told us we would do a short meditation . He instructed us to close our eyes or to keep them only slightly open . We got comfortable , then he began . His voice was very soothing , and he took us through different parts of the body to focus on first and bring up in our mind . We did that a while , and I felt my cheeks flush and I felt warm and relaxed . Then after going through different parts of the body , he had us focus on our breathing . We did that for a while . Then he went back through all the different parts of the body to bring ourselves back to where we started . He closed by saying how we will strive to live in the moment today and not to worry . To bring us back he said we now can become aware of our friends in the room . My mind was really calm and I couldn 't think as well then , but soon enough I was able to get it together so I could ask him more questions about Buddhism . He told us about his journey of becoming a monk . He had seen a monk one day when he was 19 , and just decided that was what he wanted to be . He was an angry teenager then and didn 't like people , and thought it would be a good way to isolate himself from others . His parents made him wait a few years to make sure that was really what he wanted to do , and then a few years later when he still had his mind set on it , they let him train for it . Once he got into training , he learned that if he was going to be a monk it wouldn 't be about isolating himself from people at all , but instead be about caring about people and loving people . At first this threw him off but with the more training he got the more he realized this was the right path for him . He studied for several years in India with many other monks . We asked him quite a few questions and learned a lot from him . I asked him about how you can stop thinking about something when the worries keep creeping up , and how you can stop thinking ahead and about the future . He talked about how we are never guaranteed a future , and to bring the future and past into the now is to take away from it . He said he 's not saying you shouldn 't have goals , but that you shouldn 't make your entire life about those goals and live for them when you should be living for the present moment . He also said there 's no point in worrying . What he says is very true , and I really want to work on that myself . He said he does not consider himself a teacher and he is still learning how to do these things too , and that we are all learning together . I asked him about staying in shape and if monks run , and he laughed and said they can 't run because there 's a risk of disturbing something in nature . He says they do prostrations though . They can 't throw things either in case they might hit something . It was all very interesting , and it was a pleasure and very much an honor to meet both Kathy and Jampa . It was an experience I will always treasure . At the end I asked if I could take pictures with them , and they agreed , so I set up the camera timer on one of their tables and dashed back and forth so I could get us all in the picture . We took several to make sure we got some that everyone liked . Kathy invited us back if we would like to come again , and we said we would . It was a great afternoon , and the drive home was very peaceful . We stopped at a supermarket as Angela had to buy some batteries , and I felt really peaceful in the store and made sure to smile at everyone because we had talked about kindness and how simply smiling at people can be an act of kindness . We talked about mean people in the world and why they are the way they are , and how they 're really just hurting and want to be happy like everyone else . Later that night Angela and I drove up to our favorite swing dance place . Things were going great until we got all the way up there and Angela got a scary call that her dog had gotten out and was lost . Her dog is very neurotic as she put it and easily freaks out . The fact that she got out and was lost in a very bad neighborhood was very frightening and Angela feared the worst . She was extremely upset and had to drive all the way back to try and find her , and seeing her so upset and tearful made me have to fight back tears too as I assured her everything was going to be ok . It would have been horrible if something had happened to her dog and I couldn 't believe this was just now happening . She wanted to drop me off at the swing dance with my friends Luke and Stu , so we agreed , and she headed home . I was really worried about her though and it was really hard to enjoy myself in the beginning , despite all that I 'd learned that day about living in the moment . Luckily about two hours later I got a call from her saying she found her dog and that her dog was ok though terrified . I was relieved , and was able to enjoy myself more then and tried to really live in the moment with some of the dances , and those dances were great . I was glad everything turned out to be ok and it wasn 't a horrible night like I thought it was going to be . It actually became a good night , and was quite an eventful day . About two weeks ago I had my first day of school at the other college I take classes from . The day started out stressful because I couldn 't find a parking space despite getting there 50 minutes early . Eventually , I just ended up driving across the street and parking in the overflow lot . I hurried to my class , and found the building right away , though I did have to ask someone where the room was . When I got there , there were some people waiting outside . I stood there with them for a bit too . Finally I decided to walk towards a girl and start talking to her . I asked if she was waiting for the Abnormal Psychology class to start . She said she was , and I asked whether she was taking it for a GE or for fun and talked about the crazy parking . It was difficult talking to her though . I was asking questions , but she wasn 't asking anything back , and she didn 't seem like she really wanted to talk or be friendly . It was a little frustrating . Then the door opened and people started filing in to the room . I had noticed a girl who was standing by herself quietly , and had a hat on her head and seemed like an artistic person for some reason . I thought I could either keep trying to talk to this girl who wasn 't all that friendly and didn 't seem to want to be friends , or I could try talking to someone else . I decided to start over and talk to someone else . The seats were paired up so I took the seat near the back next to the artistic looking girl which was also nearby the other girl . I got my textbook out ( as it 's a good conversation starter ) and put it on my desk . I thought of what I could say to the girl next to me to start a conversation . I felt a little self - conscious about trying to talk with the new girl while having the other girl right there who kind of brushed me off . But luckily , as I was thinking over my options , the artistic girl pointed to my book and asked , " How much did the book cost ? " I smiled and said I got it off Amazon and went into that . I introduced myself too and offered my hand , and she said her name is Kim . ( I quickly wrote her name down right away because I hate forgetting people 's names , and wrote my name in the top right corner of my notebook too so she could see it . ) I asked her if she was taking the class for a GE and found out that she wants to major in psychology actually and loves it . I told her I love it too and am considering that and Sociology for a major . I also went into how I 'm thinking about Occupational Therapy . We then talked about the parking and our schedules and what other classes we had , and she was really friendly and sweet . She asked me a lot of questions and I asked her questions back too . Often I feel like an interrogator the first time I meet someone because I ask more questions about them than I get asked in return , but this time I could tell she totally wanted to befriend me . We both enjoyed the class and liked the professor . We exchanged numbers and at the end she waited for me to gather my stuff and asked where my next class was . I said it was in the Liberal Arts building , and she said hers was too , so I said we should walk together . We did and talked and it was nice . She asked me if I like the cold and I said not really , and neither does she . We talked about the high schools we went to , and I said how I had played tennis matches against the tennis players at her school and they were a really good team , and she said she plays badminton . Then when we got to our class we parted ways and said we 'd see each other Thursday . It was a great start to my day and it was so nice to meet someone so friendly and eager to know more about me . Then I had Women 's US History 1877 - present . A lot of desks were already taken and I had to make a quick decision of where to sit , so I chose a seat next to a girl with her phone out . I try and pick random people to talk to and usually just pick a seat that 's going to put me around several people and go for it . She had a straight face and I couldn 't read if she 'd want to talk to me or not , but I decided to ask " This is the women 's history class right ? " and she smiled right away and said yeah it was and she wasn 't sure about that at first either . From there we talked a lot about the crazy parking , expensive bridge toll I have to pay each day , the parking fee , about other classes and teachers we had that we really liked . She was very outgoing and was very eager to talk to me . I 'm glad I broke the ice and found that out . Her name is Priscilla . The teacher for the class seems awesome - she wore a black and white checkered skirt with tights , and a bright red and white blouse . The front bangs of her short hair are dyed blue too even though she 's probably a 40ish or so aged woman . I could tell I was going to like her already . She was nice too and was really into having us use creativity with our assignments . Then I had US History before 1877 . I went into the class and there weren 't many people there so I just took a random seat in the second row near the middle . Sometimes I like to leave it up to chance who will sit next to me instead of picking out someone to sit next to . Usually that works out ok . This time , it didn 't . Two girls who were already friends came in and started planning where they could sit so they could have their two guy friends sit nearby . They took the two seats in front of me , then had their guy friends sit behind them in the seats next to me . They were really loud and disrespectful , and reminded me of how some of the " popular " people in high school would act . They were putting their heads down and didn 't do the writing assignment , and when some people would speak up they would mock them quietly to each other . It was really irritating sitting next to them . I tried talking to the girl next to me a little , but she was kind of hard to talk to because I don 't think she knows much English . She seemed to kind of want to keep to herself too and didn 't seem interested in talking . The teacher was kind of monotone also , but he seems like a gentle spirit at least . My first class this semester , Art of the Cinema , started this past Wednesday morning . I took a seat in the middle of the room next to a guy wearing a newsboy hat in the beginning . Looking around the class I wasn 't sure if was going to talk to anyone or not . After sitting there a bit I finally asked the guy if this was the right textbook ( if you don 't want to ask if this is the right class , you can always ask about the textbook to start talking to someone ) and he smiled and said yeah . I introduced myself then and we shook hands . He said his name is Jamison . We talked a little from there . Then class started and the teacher had us all get up out of our seats and go against the back wall to make a u - shape . He had each of us introduce ourselves , say why we 're taking the class , and tell something we wouldn 't normally tell a stranger . That last part made my mind race with what I could say that was revealing but not too revealing . I didn 't have to go until near the end though and realized a lot of people were just giving a fact about themselves , so I said I love to go out swing dancing , which isn 't what I would tell someone I just met anyway unless it somehow came up . I wasn 't nervous one bit funnily enough . Then he had us go up to 5 people and introduce ourselves and shake hands , though I think I met at least 7 people . Then he had us form a group of 7 . People scrambled to form groups and soon one girl and I were off to the side trying to find a group . Luckily 4 other people came over to us , then later another guy came so we became a team . We then had to come up with a team name and were assigned a segment of film to focus on and present , and we got movement . He had us all exchange names and numbers . Then we watched The Aviator for a bit and he had us write notes about the director and about the elements of film we observed . At the end he wanted us to discuss what we wrote with our group , but only the girl on my right and I actually discussed it and the others didn 't say anything . He had us pick a spokesperson to tell the class what we discussed then . All the other groups went , and they each had confident , outspoken speakers who had a lot to say and obviously had some film background . It was a little intimidating listening to them . Then he looked at my group , waiting . We hadn 't designated a spokesperson , and all the others kept their mouths closed and stared ahead . I waited a bit , then finally spoke up and talked about how the director was really pushy and controlling but also very determined to make his movie despite all the people who told him he should quit . I talked about how he gets what he wants too , like in the scene where he gets the girl and the scene where he gets the clouds he wants for his movie background . I also said how I really liked the music and costumes because I love swing dance and it made me want to be there back in time . I heard one of my group members whisper , " She nailed it ! " to his friend after I finished speaking . The teacher remembered I had said that I liked swing dance , and asked what my favorite scene from the movie was . I couldn 't think of one so I just said I liked the scenes with the jazz music and the singing . ( Now the whole class will have it engrained in their minds that I love swing dance ! ) I didn 't feel nervous at all when I spoke for my group . It was a big auditorium , like a mini movie theater , but I just didn 't feel intimidated for some reason . I wasn 't nervous before the class even and to introduce myself to Jamison like I did initially . I 'm probably not going to see him again because we have assigned seats now , but it was good to break the ice with someone . After giving several presentations in Toastmasters and my speech class last year , as well as introducing myself to several new people , these things are much more natural for me . |
I graduated from Pratt Institute in Brooklyn ( BA in Industrial Design ) , in 1956 . My first job was for a department store display company named Staples - Smith , Inc . We designed and built fanciful Christmas windows for Macy 's and Lord & Taylor in New York City ; Carson , Pirie , Scott in Chicago ; Neiman Marcus in Dallas . It was Santa 's workshop and I loved it . Then I married and lived one year in Vicenza , Italy , with my first husband . He had been drafted into the U . S . Army and was stationed there . I taught art in the U . S . Army school until our daughter , Lee Wallis Whiting , was born . When we returned home , we moved back to Brooklyn . Lee graduated from Columbia University with an MA in TESL . She teaches at Fashion Institute of Technology ( FIT ) in NYC and makes wonderful welded steel sculptures which have been in exhibits , including the Governor 's Island Art Fair summer art show in 2013 . Our son , Paul , was born in Brooklyn . When he was four , we moved to Hastings - on - Hudson , New York . Paul graduated from the Cooper Union in fine arts , the School of Visual Art ( SVA ) with an MFA in painting and sculpture , and has had a number of residencies , including : The Core Program and Yaddo . His exciting and evocative paintings have been shown in exhibits . In Hastings , I took part in many community volunteer efforts . In 1975 , I was a partner in founding a community newspaper , The Hastings Enterprise . I served as design editor ( in pre - Macintosh days , that meant pasting up galleys ) , and in other capacities for seven years , including editing the paper for a time . An ad in a local paper led me to a five - year stint doing handbag design for two NYC companies . This involved travel to Asia and Europe , sketching prototypes , and buying . My Mondo line of nylon bags was an international hit in the late 1980s . An ad in The NY Times brought me to The American Field Service ( AFS ) in Manhattan for five years , as Communications and Publications Director , managing all print publications , including a magazine and catalog . After doing some writing for the two non - profits , I began to write stories and also began a book during my free time . After four years , I decided to look for a job that would entail writing on some level . I found work for a newspaper chain interviewing and doing photography for one of their supplements , formatting publications , and designing and writing advertising . I was employed there for five years , until I moved to Morgantown , West Virginia , with my second husband , Lud Gutmann , in 2003 . In Morgantown , I worked pro bono and was on the board of a non - profit free clinic , where I wrote and designed their newsletter , invitations , and other materials . I also did publicity for an expert potter , Ami Hirata , and a downtown restaurant , and edited my husband 's writing . He now has three books in print - see information at his website : lud . gutmann . com . We lived in Morgantown for ten years before relocating to Iowa City , Iowa , in 2013 . Besides story - writing , I am working on a memoir about a man I knew well , an irascible English mime and character dancer - using his memoir beginnings , my memories of him , and research and stories from his son and others . I also have written a memoir , a murder mystery , and a science fiction - fantasy ( not dystopian ) . They are ready to find a publisher . The stories in this blog have come dancing into my head from many experiences in a long life . They crowd up , wanting to be read , so I offer them to you through this blog site . Perhaps they will remind you of your life , or maybe some will be new to you . In any case , I hope you will enjoy reading them and send me some of yours . She is a simple clay figure , an aid to fertility , fashioned in a classic folk style . She sits on a shelf in my bookcase with other treasured objects . I bought her in a crowded shop in Taiwan . She was one of many , all slightly different , all standing together . They were as simple as the desire and made only to help fulfill a wish . I wanted to buy several , picturing them mounted in a row on a polished driftwood base , but I could afford only one . I was told it was made by an artist from an indigenous tribe that lives on Orchid Island . A trip by seaplane could be arranged ? I shook my head , no . I choose one and turn her gently around in my hands . It is easy to picture her as a lump of wet clay in the hands of the artist . She has a small head that grows wider toward her chin and merges into a thick , strong neck . Her ears are applied and her nose tweaked - out from her face between the artist 's forefinger and thumb . Her mouth is open . She wears a full - length gown and squats on wide feet . Her two knees push out from the lower part of her encompassing garment , which spreads wide so she stands flat and secure . Her long , heavy arms are bent straight in at the elbows . Her stubby hands hold a swaddled baby tightly against her chest . There are marks of the artist 's hands pushing and molding the soft clay , squeezing it in here and there and making little cuts into the hands to indicate fingers , little dents into the face for eyes . Her stony and rough surface is barely smoothed a bit and then fired , not painted or decorated . Fine polishing is clearly not important , all that is needed is a figure with the basic look of a human female holding a baby . Other artifacts at my home are unlike the fertility sculpture . One is a Toby pitcher , a smooth porcelain portrait head of General Montgomery from the WWII campaign in the desert . He is carefully molded and painted in bright colors . His expression is superior and confidant . He is meant to be an individual person , even though many identical Monty heads were molded . Another ceramic I treasure is an unpainted Chinese bearer . He is made of fine clay but only sanded smooth and bisque fired , not glazed . He stands at stiff attention . His right arm hangs straight down , the left is tightly folded up . His left hand at his shoulder holds a support for a Palanquin . His gown is formal , as befits an important and trusted servant . He was a courtier in the long - ago past , one of many molded to be exactly the same . He is still ready to serve his master in the after life . Neither of these figures appeal to me the way the Taiwanese figure does . My Orchid Island lady is one of an endless chain of similar - but - different , quickly - fashioned figures . Still , she seems an individual presence as she delivers her powerful message - and she clearly expresses a universal human wish . Eloise and I are having a quiet conversation . We 've been to visit my mother in the hospital Rehab Unit where she is recovering from a stroke . We 've had dinner at Eloise 's house and now we are sitting in her living room finishing the meal with an evening cup of tea . The room is small , but two love seats covered in a pale flower pattern and a large , comfortable tub chair fit nicely in front of a bay window that looks far out over Lake Erie . There are lights on the fishing boats coming in to port . One wall is filled with a bookcase housing a collection of figurines as well as books . Opposite is a fireplace with flames crackling at a low ebb . A glass - covered table holds a tea tray ; silver sugar and creamer flank a flower - embroidered tea cozy - covered teapot . My mother had made friends with Eloise some years before and asked her to look after her investments . Eloise did that and more , and after her stroke , Mother became Eloise 's hobby - with weekly visits and phone calls to me in the U . S . reporting on Mother 's progress or lack of it . Eloise insisted I stay with her when I made trips to Canada four times a year . " No sense giving it to a hotel when I have a guest bedroom , " she 'd say . After re - hashing all the pertinent facts about my mother and coming up with very few new ones , we sit silent . Wondering what we 'll talk about next , I remember that Eloise lived in Washington , D . C . during World War II . So I ask her a general question to get her talking about it . Eloise has a sip of tea and says slowly , " Washington . I first saw her there . Eleanor Roosevelt , she was my idol … " She looks off into the distance , reflecting on memories that have been triggered by my question . I wait for this turn of conversation to focus . No hurry , we have nothing but time . " But first , how did I get to Washington ? Well , after I graduated from school , I got a job with a bank . I was always good at math . We lived in Montreal . My family had settled there , but we were originally from England , so the French culture didn 't rub off much . I worked my way up at the bank over several years , and then applied for an administrative job when it opened up . It would have been a logical career step , but the bank executives all but laughed . The idea , a woman applying to supervise men in 1937 ? Never heard of it . " Daniel never told me , but the nurse did . You see , after I had no more monthly visitation . I had gone back to the office to see what was going on - or , as it turned out , what wasn 't . She explained that instead of the simple procedure the doctor was supposed to do , he had expanded on it . He had said to the nurse , ' She didn 't need all that stuff , anyway … ' The doctor had also told Daniel , but my husband 's a man of few words , you know . He 's a Scotchman , after all ; silent and easily embarrassed . The doctor would never have asked me , of course , he had made the decision for me because I was only a woman . " There was a silence between us for a moment , and then I was aghast when I understood what Eloise was talking about . " You 're saying the doctor never asked your permission to do drastic , permanent surgery ? He gave you no choice , nor any information ? " " Just a woman . " Eloise shakes her head gently and looks down the hall , listening to the rise and fall of soccer match sounds from Daniel 's television in the study . " So , there could be no children and I could expect little from a career in banking , either . " Eloise 's voice is even , but her feelings come through . " England was in that undeclared time , that false war with Germany . There were soldiers from every country in the British Empire , and especially , Canada , who were serving in the British war effort . Then , in 1939 , when Britain declared war formally , I knew what would happen . I had been expecting it . Daniel was in a Canadian reserve unit but he was too old to be called up . The day of the announcement , when I came home from work , I went into Daniel 's bedroom and he was packing . ' Are you off ? ' I asked ? " " He didn 't look at me , just asked for a pair of extra - warm socks to cram into the last empty corner of his bag . He left early the next morning and went to England with his reserve company on a ship . Except for short , cryptic cables and the rare note , that was the last I heard from him for a while . " Eloise refills her cup , adds cream and sugar and signals by holding up the pot , do I want a refill too ? I shake my head , no , and think , her tea is too strong for me . She smiles , reading my mind , and repeats her perennial joke , " Tea should be strong , you know - you Americans like it so weak it hardly pours out the spout . " I smile and wait for her to go on . " Remember , the bank didn 't say it , that I was just a woman , but that 's what they meant . It really rankled . I could do the work and I deserved the job . I kept looking ; trying to find something to turn my hand to . Then I came into a bit of luck . The newspaper said the government of the United States was advertising for people to work in Washington on a special assignment . It was some cooperative deal between U . S . and the United Kingdom . No details about the work beyond good English and financial skills required . I applied . " She chuckles and chooses a biscuit to dip in her tea . " Mother was upset . She was more than upset . She could not imagine me , the oldest child , her daughter , leaving the family and going far away . She put her foot down , she thought , but I was a married woman and I applied . Soon after , I got my answer and went south on the sleeper train . " Our offices were right in the White House , and we were assigned to work on the Lend - Lease program . It was top secret and we were sworn not to talk - not to breathe a word . Public feeling in Washington was negative toward getting into the war at that time and negative towards England and anyone English because that friendship might get us in . Harry Hopkins , President Roosevelt 's aide , was our contact and clearly in charge . We were eight Canadians who were recruited and we were quite a group , quite a group . " She looks up , smiling , her eyes on this distant image - on a place and a time and on people whose memory makes her smile . " Harry Hopkins , the President 's assistant , was serving his president well . They saw that England and Europe and probably Russia , could not withstand Hitler 's power without U . S . help . With German U - boats sinking ships at sea and England having no money left , they knew America had to do something . Winston Churchill was the main instigator , of course . The U . S . couldn 't get into the war right then , and the Germans had spent huge sums in gold in the U . S . to float propaganda to keep the American people convinced to stay out . Advertising and lobbying weren 't invented today , you know . " Sending material aid - everything from food and clothing to warships - was popular , though , and the idea of the U . S . being paid back after the war was popular , too . It helped raise the country further out of the Depression , since the goods were made in America . Manufacturing was already onto a war - time footing and was pumping a lot of money into the economy and Lend Lease would push it farther . At least , that 's what the White House staff said would happen , and it did . " " Could be , but that all changed on December 7 , 1941 , didn 't it ? " Eloise said . " From one minute to the next , Americans were ready to help anyone fight the Axis - even to side with the Russians - and our program was suddenly seen as vital to the success of the war effort and we had the Lend Lease bill ready to sign . " Eloise looked into her teacup . No leaves to be seen ; maybe she saw pictures in the swirl of cream . I nibbled a scone and waited , trying to picture her in Washington , D . C . in the 1940s . America was still shaking off the Depression , and I suspected not much was available in the shops in the way of fashion . What did Eloise look like then ? Thirty - nine years old , Canadian . Was she plain and British - looking as now , in the 80s ? Did she wear her usual heavy stockings , serious small - heeled shoes , a gray Harris Tweed suit with a white blouse ? Or was her clothing more current : a skirt cut in gores , a jacket with a peplum , perhaps ? I picture her hair , now naturally softly salt and pepper ; then , beauty - parlor curled . It would have been a light chestnut , the color was still reflected in her eyebrows , and maybe in a more stylish cut . Was she slim and still youthfully pretty ? She has blue eyes , a clear , pale complexion - fair with pink cheeks , regular features , and a warm , generous smile , she was probably lovely , I thought . " Harry Hopkins was the spark , " she says , " Harry was the one who seemed to start everything . But we didn 't just spend our time working , we went out . And did we go out . Washington was alive with excitement in those days . I remember plays and shows , and films , and of course , the Opera . The Opera , my favorite . " We went to see the Opera and hear symphony orchestras and then a wonderful chance came along to hear Marian Anderson . Marian Anderson , the voice of the century . She was going to sing at a War Bond show , a fund - raising , to be held in Constitution Hall . We were excited , we ran over and bought tickets right away . But then the Daughters of the American Revolution , the DAR , who owned the Hall , wouldn 't permit an integrated audience and so she refused to sing . There was a furor , everyone got into it , including the First Lady . She became my heroine when she resigned from the DAR , along with a thousand others who agreed with her . " Eleanor Roosevelt . A great lady . A lady who knew what was right and what was important - and that everyone was equally important . She was my inspiration . " The organizers finally worked out plans for a concert on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial . Our group went , you can be sure of that , along with seventy five thousand others . That was an Easter Sunday to remember , a Sunday when I saw her people dressed in beautiful clothes for the first time . Huge hats , colorful and stylish . I had only seen these same people either working as house and office cleaners and wearing their employer 's castoff clothing , or in maid or butler 's uniforms , or working on the trains , where Waiters or Porters wore immaculate , crisp , pressed outfits ; but never one person in business or concert - going clothes , not ever . " Here everyone at the concert was beautifully dressed and I was glad to see it . You know , in Canada , we hadn 't the silly rules that kept people behind a line - we didn 't have the prejudice that slavery had engendered , in fact , Ontario was a part of the Underground Railway . I 'll take you to see some of the graves over in Niagra - on - the - Lake . " Following that huge concert success , Marian Anderson gave several other performances and we saw every one . " She pauses to savor the memories . Then she sighs . " There was one young man in my group who spent time with me - or , I should say , we spent time together . We were inseparable for those six years , but then he left before our time was up . He became ill and had to go home and it was difficult . I heard later that he died . " I could see this was a story she had not told before . I decide we should move from that memory , she is obviously close to tears . " What happened to Daniel during the war ? " I ask . She has made no further mention of her husband . " I know he was overseas from the first , but did he ever get home for some R & R ? " " Yes , Daniel . " She draws a deep breath . " Well , I always knew where he was stationed , we knew everything at the White House . He was in a supply unit , and when I found he was going from England down to the desert campaign in Egypt , I sent him the proper uniforms for that climate . He couldn 't get over it , sent me a note after to say , " Thank you and , how did you know ? " It was a month before time when he received the parcel , but I knew everything before he did . I sent the outfit in a diplomatic pouch . " And , R & R ? When he had some time off , he went to visit relatives in Scotland . He could hop a flight up there from the front , so he never came home during his six years in service . " And we were working long hours on the Lend - Lease act . I typed the rough drafts , and the later versions , over and over , hundreds of times . No computer corrections in those days . There could be no errors , no erasures , even in the preliminary stages when it was shown for changes or crits as a working document . When it was perfect , absolutely perfect , checked and re - checked and triple - checked , and approved by Congress , it went to the President to sign . And he did , in March of 1941 . At last , the American people responded to help Britain with war materiel of all kinds . Of course , the President had found ways , by Executive Order and such , to send ships and other equipment before that . By Pearl Harbor , the U . S . and Canada were in full wartime production . " Those years , until the end of the War , were the most exciting of my life . But I had to go home to Canada when Daniel was released . We took up our old ways , and then we moved from Montreal because there was big talk of secession by French Canada in the early 60s . We settled in Ontario and I began working in another bank - no promotions there , either . But then a co - worker was starting a brokerage . We left our jobs and began the agency together . I had the opportunity with him to do the work I deserved and soon I became the top bond salesperson in the area . It wasn 't as exciting as war work , but I met all the well - put - together people in town and my partner and I ran a successful business . Who says a woman can 't be an executive now ? I did very well , thank you . In fact , Daniel and I could afford to take a trip around the world when we retired . She has a last sip of tea , then sits back and smiles , " When I think of it , I was not able to be a mother , but I love all my nieces and nephews . I might not have had a job at all if I had a family , and I really enjoy working . And what if the original bank had given me a chance ? I would never have wound up in Washington being an observer and even a participant in a small way in world events . Moving to Ontario when our family had been firmly rooted in Montreal gave me a different life and a chance at the work they said I 'd never get , being female . So , there you are , you never know what life will bring , you just have to be ready to grab it when it comes - and have no regrets . Some people love to tell stories . Joe , the Chief Pressman at a large printing company , was a large , genial man who always had a story . I met him for the first time when I worked for a small college . As director of publications , I oversaw design and production of posters , books , and catalogs . Joe 's company had been low bidder on a six - color book and we were working on it . Printing setup takes time . Finally the big Heidelberg offset press was running in slow mode , turning out printed covers one by one . Joe , his assistant , and I were inspecting the " make - readies , " the first printed pieces , to see if they were up to the quality we demanded . " See the guy over there ? " Joe said , pointing with his unlit cigar at a man working carefully on a much smaller press across the floor of the huge printing room . " He has an interesting story , I 'll take you over to meet him if he 's free when your job is running good . " Hey , Mike , remember the other rollers , " Joe shouted at him . The man grinned and nodded and did a thumbs - up in silent response . I took another look at him . He was a short , stocky man with a square face and a short neck that rounded into narrow shoulders . His small mouth and slanted eyes gave him the appearance of someone I 'd seen or met . Then I realized I didn 't know him as a person , he just had a look I 'd seen before . Mike 's appearance identified him immediately as having Down 's Syndrome . Joe had been genially shouting at Mike ever since I had come in , at least an hour before . I took Joe 's manner for granted since he was in charge and aware of everything that was going on . He was always yelling at someone and , indeed , yelling was the only way anyone could be heard when four or five presses and other machines were in operation . Sounds were magnified in the bare concrete factory building : whirr - whirr ; click - clack , click - clack ; stamp , bang , stamp ; ching , ching , ching . They followed one another , all rapid fire , all weaving and layering over and under one another and bouncing off the hard walls . The metallic din rose up toward the several stories - high ceiling , echoing and dissipating as it went . Joe 's office was clean and bare , with glass window walls along two sides looking out onto the factory floor . Dusty bands of sunlight from the clearstory windows high above crisscrossed at angles to the floor . It was quiet enough inside the office to talk . " His Mom 's a neighbor of mine , " Joe said . " She 's got only him and when he was a baby she was that upset about him , let me tell you . " I looked again at the man . His machine was not running . He was polishing every inch of one of the rollers and it was shining . " Well , Mike ain 't fine , really . " Mike 's Mom was real upset when the docs told her he had Down 's sickness or something like that . He was a cute little baby even if he had a puggy nose and a funny face , and when he got older he just smiled all the time . Good natured , you know ? Not like my kids , he never cried that I can remember unless he fell down and really got hurt . But he didn 't talk , and he didn 't talk , and pretty soon his Mom started to think what could she do for him ? How would he grow up ? What would he do when she was gone ? " So she took him in for tests and they said , ' Put him in a special school , ' and so she did . But she kept him at home to live and drove him over every day even though it was a long way . Then she sat and waited for him while he was in the classes , she was that devoted to him . He was her only one , remember ? ' No live - away home for Mike , she said . ' " They did help him at that school . He learned to talk and they found he was a bit deaf , but with a hearing aid he started to do better . Then , after a few years he was gettin ' to be a teenager and she wasn 't any younger and then her husband had a heart attack . Lucky the husband was a Union guy , the disability pension helped a lot and with Social Security , they got by . Mike was too old for school by then and he was just around the house . Nuthin ' for him to do . " Mike 's Mom said to me , did I have simple work for him ? Maybe sweep the floor ? So I started to take him with me every day and I trained him to clean up . I can tell you we never had the floor so clean . I had to tell him to quit . Then I saw him watchin ' one of the guys runnin ' one of our small two - color presses . I says to myself , let 's see if he can learn to help on that and , guess what , he could . " Joe paused to refill his coffee maker . As he worked on it , I remembered a years - old story about another , quite different , printing company . My partners and I owned a tabloid - sized community newspaper and two of us were watching the press run . It was being printed on a small web press in a sweatshop in a dark deep sub - basement city print shop . The dingy , freezing cold space was so filled with huge rolls of newsprint paper there was barely room to walk around . The web press was going at full speed . The paper threaded around , up , and over the rollers in a complex pattern , catching the inked impressions , and being folded and trimmed into a finished newspaper every second . The pressman , who was also the boss , was watching intently and his assistant was walking around . I was fishing out printed papers from the mounting stack to check their quality . Suddenly there was a shout , the Pressman hit the panic button and the press stopped instantly . The assistant lay on his back on the stone floor under the press . It had happened so quickly that it took me a second to realize the man had been stripped naked from the waist up - he had nothing on at all above his blue jeans . He was white and still . My newspaper partner drew in a deep breath and ran up the steep stairs yelling , " Ambulance . " I knelt over the man , who was now aware and moaning , " Can you hear me ? " I said , " Wiggle your fingers , open your eyes , talk to me … " he obediently did all I asked and then flexed his arms and legs . Soon it was clear we could safely put pads of newspaper under and over him to keep him warm until help arrived . I was worried about him lying on the freezing concrete floor . I took off my coat and put it over him . When the ambulance arrived , I drove my little car after them to the hospital . I was trembling uncontrollably - and it was not just from the cold . The man had been wearing heavy , long - sleeved BVD underwear , an outdoor plaid wool work shirt on top , and a thick denim printer 's apron over all . He had ventured too close and brushed a roller with his sleeve - a tiny slip , just a split second . The press had ripped every bit of his layers of clothing off so quickly I doubt a camera could have captured the motion . I don 't want to imagine what would have happened if buttons and ties had not released when he pulled away in panic . He had been freed to fall back , away from the press . As it was , he had three broken ribs , dislocated his shoulder , and had many bruises and much pain . Sitting in the hospital , waiting for his family to arrive , I remembered that the shop had an old , hot - metal linotype press . They used it to make fancy wedding invitations . The type was made of lead , melted down and re - cast when the letters would wear down . I suspected that breathing the fumes for twenty years when the lead was melted was the reason for his loss of focus . Joe handed me a fresh cup of his steaming hot brew . " Hard to believe , but it 's been twenty years and Mike runs that little press nearly all by himself . I get him started on work , of course , and I watch him . If there 's a new kind of job , I or one of my guys shows him the steps . They know how to understand him , even though he don 't talk too clear - his tongue 's kinda ' thick , you know ? But he gets everything , even jokes . For instance , we have a little gag . I told him one time that he was so much work for me , he was giving me gray hair - just kiddin ' around - and , after a while , he understood why that 's a funny thing to say . Now he says it to me if I 've kept after him a lot . He says it in that way he talks , kind of jumpy and down in his throat , ' I 'm getting gray hair , ' and we all get it and we all laugh . He loves that . It means a lot to him when people understand him . Like he 's one of the boys , you know ? Of course , When he first started , I had to be tougher on him than any of my other men - kept after him all the time . But he was okay with it , he knew it was for his own protection . Now once the job is goin , ' he 's great . He never wavers , he 's at one hundred percent attention . All the time Joe was talking to me , Mike was working with another printer to set his press up . Soon it was ready and running . Mike gave an okay signal to his partner and looked over at the office window and gave Joe a thumbs - up . Joe nodded - a big , slow , dramatic nod - and gave a thumbs - up to him in return . Mike turned back to the press and increased the speed , watching with complete attention . " Mike never gets distracted when he 's on a job , " Joe said . " When I yell , he gives me the old thumbs - up sign or the okay with his thumb and finger round to let me know he 's got it . " A few years ago his Dad died and now he supports his Mom . How about that , isn 't that somethin ' ? She never would have thought , and neither would I , when she came to me that day years ago to have him learn to sweep the floor . No , sir , she never would have had any idea that he would be a regular employed guy and supporting both of them someday . Like they say , ' he 's the sole support of his family . ' Come on over , I 'll introduce ya . " We all laughed and Joe handed him a cup of coffee . Then we stood and watched as Mike looked after the job - now and then lifting a finished sheet to see if it was consistent with the rest and making small adjustments to the machine . " Pretty good ? " he asked , turning to look at us . Alvin was a nephew of the boss . He worked down the hall from me . About ten times a day , he would set out from his office , walking in my direction . His walk was a slow and firm stamp , stamp , stamp , his big feet spread wide , toes turned out ; knees apart . If my door was open , as it usually was , I could hear him coming . He would continue for about twenty paces , stop , hesitate in place , mumble to himself something about , " What was it I wanted ? " turn around and go back . He was in his thirties , too young for such memory lapses . Alvin had charge of the sample library . We designed fashion accessories - handbags , belts , scarves , etc . Product samples were kept in storage rooms in the warehouse below the offices where we worked . Alvin 's office was full of fabric swatches . He was supposed to catalog and keep track of them . It was the wrong job for Alvin . " I have asked you for swatches of taupe canvas for summer bags for two days , Alvin . " This was the boss shouting over the PA system . The boss loved the PA system . He switched it on countless times a day to communicate , harass , give orders , and ( one of his favorite terms ) to " needle " his employees . There would be a click and then the sound of breathing when he turned the PA on . This was when he was deciding what to say . Then the message began . The message varied from , " I want you all to know … " that someone had failed in some attempt to do something and he was convening a small meeting about it . Or he was on the edge of firing someone , and he was hinting at their identity . Or he was just bored and wanted us all to know he was there . On this day , the day of the Taupe Swatch , the problem was Alvin . The boss could not fire Alvin . Alvin was a relative and needed the job . So he yelled at him . Alvin sat in my office after the PA announcement about taupe . This was after being yelled at countless times over the past few days . " They always yell , " he said . " I worked for my father and my cousin and now my uncle and they all yell . " He didn 't seem particularly unhappy , just resigned . It was a fact of life to him - " They 're all yellers , " he said . Usually I could ignore the fussing between Alvin and the boss but today was different . I was involved . I was responsible for designing the handbag line and the boss needed to see swatches to envision the finished project . It was afternoon and the battle over taupe had gone on since the opening bell . I went to Alvin 's office to look around myself for taupe canvas swatches . His office was small and square , rather like Alvin . It was looked as if there had been colorful explosions and myriad bits of fabric attached to little cards had flown up , wafted down , and landed all over . More fabric swatches were tacked haphazardly on his corkboard walls . There was no obvious sequence , they mounded on his desk and spilled out of three file cabinets onto the floor . Wading was what you did when you entered Alan 's office . The boss went to lunch and called from the golf course restaurant . They patched his voice in to the PA . " Someone get me swatches of taupe canvas by tomorrow morning , " he roared , " I am going to play golf all afternoon , I am too annoyed to stay in that disorganized place and work . Tomorrow morning , first thing , the word is , taupe . " I 'd had enough . " This is it , Alvin , I said , I am going to bear the brunt of this mess so I might as well be responsible all the way . " I grabbed an empty rolling file , marched up to his office , piled in the swatches , and marched back with them . There weren 't as many as there had seemed to be , but it took me all afternoon to sort and put some up on my cork walls and the rest in files . The next morning the boss stopped in my office as he came in . He was not happy to see the swatches ranged in orderly rows on my walls . He 'd been looking forward to his morning yell at Alvin . " Who appointed you to be swatch librarian ? " he said as he glared at me . His cheeks pinked in anger and his mouth compressed into a line . I said nothing , the best course of action with this particular boss . I noticed he had on his spiffy two - toned golf shoes . He was ready to sail out of there on the wings of anger for a second day if he could pick a good enough fight . I chose six fabric swatches I liked , put in a couple more for him to reject , and three with printed patterns I knew would make him yell . Then I got my sketches together and walked the long hallway to his office . He was talking to a supplier and waved me away . I hid out of his view , I knew better than to go all the way back , and in a minute he was on the PA bellowing for me and for taupe . I waited three minutes by the clock and went in . He already had two secretaries , a bookkeeper , and Alvin in uncomfortable attendance . " Okay , Miss Swatch Queen , what 've you got ? " He was smiling . He liked me , as much as he liked anyone . As it happened , I had on a taupe sweater over a striped taupe and black shirt . I wondered if he would comment on this and suggest we cut swatches , but he didn 't . He just looked at my offerings . I spread them out in a fan on his large dark wood desktop . He didn 't really look , he barely glanced . Now I could see he was up to something and he was ready for me . He began immediately to yell , " What do you call all this ? Not one of these is taupe . " He stood up ( a bad sign ) and howled , his voice rising higher with each word , picking up swatches as he ranted , " Taupe is not light brown , it is not tan , it is not dark off - white , it is not warm gray , it is not beige , it is not buff , it is TAUPE ! Now , pack up this stuff and find me a duplicate of this swatch . " With that , he pulled a card from his pocket . It had a frayed piece of fabric less than an inch across stapled onto it . " By the way , this is one I found all by myself , and I don 't have a fancy library of thousands of swatches . " He grinned , all calmed down and pleased with himself . " It 's too small to cut up and send to factories , so you need to get me more . " Well , I sure got set up , I thought , picked up my collection and left quickly . Alvin ran after me and said , breathlessly , " He made me look for two days , you know … " Usually the boss 's manner didn 't bother me , mainly because it wasn 't directed at me , but this time , it was . I glared at Alvin . I should have let him suffer and stayed out of it , I thought . Stupid me . By the time I got back to my office I was sniffling into a tissue with anger and frustration . I looked over all the taupe canvas samples I had taken from Alvin , trying to find a match for swatch the boss had magically produced . Not one was exact , but there was a close one in color and texture . I was sitting at my desk when Barry walked in . He had heard some of the commotion and , as usual , he found it funny . " So , you 're now the Taupe Maven ? " he said , smiling . He sat down , leaned his chair back , and put his feet on my work table . Barry was a product manager , like me , except he had been in the business all his life . He knew the game . His family owned one of the original twelve or thirteen New York handbag companies . He was a comfortable , good - natured guy . He had on his usual tan outfit - tan chinos , rather baggy , tan canvas work shirt and soft tan suede shoes . Too bad that shirt 's not taupe , I thought . " It 's not the time to joke , Barry , I can 't deal with this , " I said , dumping the swatches in front of him . " Look at these fabrics I 've found , not one is an exact match and there 's no time to go to the fabric store and I doubt I 'd find what he wants if I could , " I was beginning to babble . " Look here , this one is a very nice taupe , " ( waving a swatch under his nose ) , " but it doesn 't match the one the boss found . " I had never felt so frustrated and angry . I was close to a real cry . Barry grinned , " Relax , we 'll fix it , " he said . " Hand me the scissors and a blank sample card and the stapler . " Barry looked carefully at the boss 's little swatch , ripped it off the card , and threw it in the wastebasket . I was horrified . " Barry … " " Just watch , " he said . I 'll bet you can guess what he did . He cut a tiny piece from my close - to - it fabric sample , frayed the edges a bit , and carefully stapled it in place of the boss 's original . Then he cut a bigger piece , attached it to the blank card , and filled in some information . " What are you writing ? " I asked . " Bogus stuff , nonsense , " he said , looking up with a grin . " Who cares where it came from ? Or the thread count ? Just makes it look authentic , like a fake provenance on an antique . " Alvin was still in the office with the boss when I walked in with my bogus swatch . The boss was suspicious . " How did you find this so fast ? " he asked after twisting and turning the tiny stand - in and comparing it in daylight with the larger swatch and reading the baloney on the card that Barry had conjured up . He finally said , " Well , it 's not as good as I thought it was , but it 'll have to do , " pushing it back to me across his desk . " Hope you learned today what taupe looks like ? " I nodded . Alvin was amazed . He said at lunch , " I didn 't know I had that big swatch in all those swatches you took from my office , where was it ? " I smiled and said it was misfiled . I heard a laugh badly disguised as a cough from the next table . I knew who it was , I didn 't look at Barry . After a setback with a broken wrist , my next story is ready to go - - and here it is . With any luck , I 'll put in a new one at least every month and maybe every couple of weeks . These stories are unrelated except that they are all mine . They come from my life and I hope they will send echoes cascading into readers ' lives as well . Different people are featured , from different corners of my experience , and from many different years . Your thoughts and stories are welcome . Please send me an email ; the address is listed on the homepage . I will include those that seem to me to be of interest generally , together with an attribution . So make sure to include your real name and other pertinent information . This is a free story blog , but the choice is mine . SOME TIME IN THE EARLY 1980s I went into a notions shop in the Garment District in Manhattan . I was looking for a bright stripe to add to a handbag design I was working on . It seemed there were only three people in the long , narrow space . Two glass display cases , crammed with buttons and tapes and embroidered patches and lace stood opposite one another , stretching half - way down the store . The walls were also filled , from counter - height to ceiling , with decorative and glittery items to sew onto or decorate with . The three people were having a conference about embroidered patches . The man behind the counter was obviously the owner and he was saying , " This one 's just in , " and holding it up . His customers , a woman and a man , were listening . I looked around and saw that there were several people in the back of the store . They were not looking at the merchandise , they were looking at the customers in the front and whispering . Since they had no coats , I decided they were employees and turned back to look again at the customers . Their backs were to me as they listened to the man behind the counter . The man was unusually tall . He looked down and listened to his companion , who was leading the conversation . She had grey medium - length hair that stood out all over her head in frantic curls . She was slim and something about her was familiar . I listened to what she was saying ; she was holding up a piece of decorative braid . " Do you remember ? I had nothing to wear for the Oscars last year and so I got out an old navy blazer and sewed this kind of embroidered tape along the lapels and down the front and then covered the blazer all over - I mean , just covered it - with all kinds and sizes of patches ; the shinier the better . See there ? It was like that one … " With that , she pointed at a large embroidered emblem on the pegboard display wall . Now she didn 't point the way an ordinary person points - holding up the hand , elbow bent , finger out . She raised her whole arm in a graceful arc and stretched it to full length . She kept her fingers together until the last moment and then unleashed a long index finger with a bright red nail in the direction of the patch . She said , " See , there . " It was a real stage point and , even from the back , with grey hair , I immediately recognized the gesture and then the voice of Carol Channing . I debated going up to her and saying , " Miss Channing , I have loved you all my life . " But I decided quickly that wouldn 't do for me to say . After all , I am a woman who could be the same age as she or even older . While I was thinking , hoping for inspiration , she and her companion made a purchase and began to walk out and it was the moment for me to speak . Now or … but I still couldn 't think what to say , and so I never got the chance . But I 've been thinking about it now , all these years later . Perhaps I could have said , " Miss Channing , I believe I saw you in a summer " One Woman " show out of town ( I think , in Albany ) . At least , to me you were the only one on stage , if there was someone else in the show , they were eclipsed by your glamour . " No , too effusive , leave off that last sentence even if true . Or could I have said , " You were great in ' Gentlemen Prefer Blondes , ' you stole the show . " But she was the show from the start , wasn 't she ? At least as I remember it , it could have been written for her . She was the blonde , and center stage , and I can 't remember anyone but her . She glowed . And that voice , that amazing raspy style and slightly whiny sound . Unforgettable . Or , perhaps I could just have extended my hand ( or better yet , made a little bow in recognition ) , and said , " How do you do , Miss Channing , my name is … " No , my name would have been of no interest to her unless I had a program for her to sign and probably not even then . How about , " Miss Channing , I hope you 're going to do another show soon . I 'd love to see you on stage again . " That might have opened a conversation , but then would I have been able to hold a conversation with Carol Channing ? Somehow I can 't picture it . So I guess it may have been better and more polite and just plain kinder to simply admire her silently as I did , and hope she had some idea she was recognized by a fan even if her hair was gray and she had no makeup on . Perhaps famous people , even effusive actors like Carol Channing , enjoy being ordinary shoppers once in a while . I 'm sure she didn 't intend to reveal her special verve with that great gesture , that long arm , that wonderful finger pointing . It was second nature to her - she couldn 't be ordinary if a part in a show demanded it . In 1941 , my mother had a machine to wash the clothes . Before I went to Primary School , when I was a small person of about six years , I remember how both impressed and wary I was when the machine was in operation . Since it was too tall for me to peer into its mysterious insides , I could only imagine the helpless clothes in the soapy water . It was blue with gleaming silver stripes on the outside and ( I was told ) pure white porcelain on the inside . The washer was barrel - shaped and squat . It stood on four wide legs made of flat metal that curled around at the bottom for feet . It lived in the laundry room . When it was washing clothes , the hard rhythmic sloshing back and forth made a commotion and it moved slightly across the linoleum floor . It seemed to me there was some essence of life inside ; this added to its mystery . My Mother hated it . I knew she did by the way she looked at it , but she never said so . I didn 't know , then , why she felt that way , but I could imagine she was wishing it would go stumping out the door , down the road , and gone . The dog did , too . She drooped her tail and left the room quickly when it was working . I would peek into the room from the doorway . Mother always rejected my help . She said I would get wet , or the hot water was dangerous , or the soap would be too rough for my skin . On laundry day , always Monday for some reason , my Mother would get out the dirty clothes and the box of pebbly white detergent and a cake of brown soap . Then she would fill the washer with hot water and add some boiling water from her kettle . I could see the steam rise and Mother would say , " There , now it 's really hot . " She 'd wet the stains and dirt on the clothes and rub them with brown soap before plunging them into the swirling white bubbles in the machine . After the clothes were washed and had been rinsed until the water was clear , my Mother would start the mangle , which was attached to the top of the washer . It was simply a pair of rollers set closely together that squished out the water when you fed the clothes between them . But it was as scary as the washer , since you could get your hand caught in the rollers and painfully squeezed ( at least , that 's what Mother said to warn me off ) . The dog and I left that scene rather quickly . She would put the flatly mangled clothes in an oblong wicker basket and carry it balanced on her shoulder to the back porch door . We had a clothesline , a double rope that stretched from the house to a tree next to the garage . It was wound over a pulley at each end , so it was in two layers . Mother would stand and clip a sock to the line with a wooden clothespin , push the line away from her a bit and add the next sock , until the whole line was filled . Sometimes if she had a lot of clothes , she 'd put the small ones on the top part of the line and then walk out along it , into the yard , clipping the sheets and towels to the bottom line as she went . If it was cold , my mother 's hands would be red when she came in . If it was windy , the clothes flapped on the line , making sharp slapping noises . When it was freezing outside , they froze ; sometimes into stiff , contorted shapes . Washing was a chore , not fun . I checked every so often from the back porch or a window to see if she was finished . When she was , she would come inside and , if it was winter , rub cream on her red and roughened hands and stand by the stove for a few minutes to get warm . Then she would lie down and put a cold , damp washcloth on her forehead to get rid of what she called her " wash - day headache , " and take a nap . I would sit in the parlor and try not to disturb her . The dog would sleep next to me on the couch . The house was very quiet , with only the fire in the fireplace softly crackling . I was warm in my sweater and my little girls ' denim overalls , working on a jig - saw puzzle . Later on , revived , Mother would get up and cook . She spent time in the kitchen making tasty stews from vegetables she had preserved from our Victory garden and scraps of meat . Wartime rationing was in force , you were limited in the amount of meat you could buy ; it was for the soldiers . Everyone had a Victory garden , it was supposed to help with the War . Mother would sometimes hum off - key when she cooked . Cooking was Mother 's solitary pleasure . I could sometimes help by fetching new - laid eggs from the hen house or helping to stir the batter , but she really liked to do it all herself . She was happy when she was warm and making a lemon meringue pie or a chocolate cake with cherries from the sweet cherry tree in the yard - our favorites . When her lemon pie was cut and a piece lifted onto a plate , the end of the piece would fall gently over - the mark of a perfectly textured filling , she said . The dog waited for scraps , sitting quietly at attention , her tail moving ever so slightly ; smiling as dogs do , in anticipation . All these years later , remembering the scenes as I look at pictures in an old album , I try to imagine her thoughts . Mother had been an RN before she married . Her uniform was formal and perfect : she wore a little cap on the back of her head folded crisply into a crown . It set off her thick and curly black hair , which was cut a medium length . Everything she wore - cap , shoes , and dress were entirely white . Her dress had a wide , heavily starched pinafore on top , a stiff collar , and deep cuffs on her long sleeves . She looked like a model 1920s head nurse . She clearly did not empty bedpans . She used to say to me , " I could have been a doctor . When I did my post - graduate work in Manhattan I had many classes with the residents . I could take out a tonsil today , I 'm sure , just like that , " and she 'd snap her fingers . " But women didn 't often study medicine in those days . You can , however , and I think you should plan to be a doctor - you 're good in Science . " The sepia - toned pictures show her , lovely but wistful , with a somewhat uneasy smile - a hint of what was to come , perhaps ? " The Ninth was the private floor , " she would say , " the patients gave me gold pieces for tips in 1928 . I wish I had kept the gold , but I went right out and spent it . " She made it sound funny , but I was puzzled by the joke . When she was a nurse , the laundry was done for her , not by her . Once she married , in 1929 , she was no longer a nurse , but a wife , and then in 1934 , a mother . Her life changed from one of ease to one of worry as the economy changed in a year from the Great Boom into the Great Depression . Everyone saved wherever they could . She baked , sewed , cleaned , took care of everything in the house and the yard , but she didn 't work as a nurse again until twenty years later . WHAT IS THIS SITE ABOUT ? THIS IS A THREE - PAGE SITE : HOME , ABOUT THE AUTHOR , AND YOUR THOUGHTS AND WRITING . . . CHECK ABOVE THE PICTURE FOR THE ENTRY POINTS AND CLICK ON ONE . YOUR STORIES , ideas , and thoughts are welcome . If you have a contribution , send it in the body of an email ( no attachments , please ) , to the following address : brownsoapstories @ gmail . com . Include your name ( only your full , real name ) , your snail mailing address , and telephone . You may also add your picture , if you wish . NOTE : Please do not send anything to me your ten - year - old should not read . |
My first published short story appeared in Short Trips : Transmissions . I wrote another story for Short Trips : Christmas Around the World , which also came out in 2008 . Sadly , the Short Trips books are now out of print , and used copies are going for silly prices on Amazon and eBay . But I 've got permission to post both of mine here , for free - treat them as fan fiction , not for profit , etc etc . Please don 't repost , just link if you want to share them . Story notes : this sprang into my head almost fully formed when working on Primeval . The brilliant script editor , Katie Newman , mentioned her niece who loved animals but couldn 't have a pet because they made her ill . It 's not often a story just appears in your head , but I 'm glad this one did . It made me cry when writing it , and still does now when I re - read it . It 's a rare warm and fuzzy tale , with no serial killers or baby slaughter , and one of my favourite things I 've done . My name is Yarah de Silva . Yarah means " water lady " . My teacher told me that at school , but my dad always said that it means " Amazonian warrior " . I think my dad was making that up . But it sounds cooler , so I 've decided to believe him and not my teacher . I live in a small town called Avelar , in Brazil . It is the year 2672 . I am 11 years , 4 months and 2 days old . I am a girl . When I grow up , I am going to be a famous astronaut , and I will fly into space and meet aliens and make friends with them . When I was very small , a boy pushed me over at school and said that girls were too stupid to be astronauts . When my dad found out , he told me that girls were not stupid at all , and that the only people who were really stupid were the ones who went around pushing people over and making them feel bad . Then my dad went to the school , found the boy , and told him that if he ever hurt me again , he 'd put him into a very small bottle . Like a ship in a bottle . And then he 'd put that bottle in his shed , along with all the other bottles full of all the other naughty kids he 'd done the same thing to . The boy never came near me again . He was too scared to even look at me . He was silly . My dad doesn 't even have a shed . I am allergic to animals . That means that if I go near any kind of animal , I get really sick . One time I saw a cat in the garden , so I went out and petted it . I felt okay for an hour , but then I couldn 't breathe , and woke up in hospital . I can 't touch animals , I can 't go near them , and I definitely can 't have a pet . Not even a goldfish . We tried one of those , but it made me just as sick as the cat . Some people are allergic to cats , but not fish . I 'm allergic to all of them . The doctors don 't know why . They say I 'll be fine , I 'll have a perfectly normal life , as long as I stay away from animals . Every Christmas I ask for a puppy . Every Christmas , my dad tells me that I can 't have one , and he gets me another stuffed toy , and some other games and sweets and books . I love the presents he gets me . He always knows what I like . But he can never get me the thing that I want more than anything , because it 'll make me sick . Instead , I draw lots of pictures of puppies , which is as close as I can get to the real thing . Most of my drawings are the same . I 'm trying to figure out what the perfect puppy would look like . I would call him Patch . He should be black and white , with a sort of pale patch on one side of his nose , and two white paws , like socks . He should have one wonky ear and one normal one . He should be a bit messy , a bit clumsy , the sort of clumsy dog that sits in his own water bowl by accident , then can 't figure out what happened , but he doesn 't care cause he 's having such a brilliant time just being here . And most importantly , he should love me . That would be the most perfect puppy in the world . I draw lots of pictures of him . Sometimes I take the pictures for a walk . People laugh at me , but I don 't care . My mother went away when I was 4 . I don 't remember her much . My dad says she is a superspy for the government , and had to go off on a really important , top secret mission , maybe for years and years . He says we should both be really proud of her . I can tell he is very proud , he always gets really quiet when he talks about her . I hope she finishes her secret mission one day , then she can come back home . The news people keep saying there 's going to be a war with Russia . Or maybe it 's China . I 'm not sure . Some big country , anyway . I get scared when they go on about it , but my dad says not to worry . He 'll keep me safe . He should know , because he works for Positron Incorporated , and they make the robot soldiers that the army uses . He says our robot soldiers are better than theirs , so there 's nothing to worry about . I trust him . He 's the cleverest person in the whole wide world , and is the head of robotics at the company , so he must know what he 's talking about . He 's been very busy lately , because of all the talk about war , so they 've been making more robot soldiers than usual . Bigger and better ones , and not just soldiers - robot guns and robot planes , and special thinking machines that can work out how to beat the other side properly . My dad explained how it worked one time , but I didn 't really understand . Something about fuzzy pathways and organic chess . Or maybe it was organic pathways and fuzzy chess ? I don 't know . Something was fuzzy , anyway . One time , he brought me to work to show me how they made everything , it was really good fun . We saw the machine that makes the robot soldiers , and they showed me the little brains before they went in their heads . Funny how something so small can have your whole mind inside . My dad said that it was the same for people - we have a small lump of grey stuff in our heads , and that does all the thinking . Only ours is called a brain , and the robot soldier brain is called . . . something else . It was five or six really , really long words . I just call them robot brains . He said they 'd made a big breakthrough in how they think about thinking , and how robots think , and it meant they could make them even more clever . One day , he said , they 'd be even cleverer than us . Not him , obviously . Nobody 's as clever as my dad . When he showed me around , there were some tourists there too , in a big group . I wasn 't with them , I was getting the special tour from my dad . But they all looked at us when the tour guide pointed out my dad . He told them what his job was and they all went " ooooh " , because my dad is very important at the factory . They all stared at him , except for one man in the group . He looked at me instead , and smiled and waved . I waved back . He seemed nice , and looked quite funny . He had long hair , and a waistcoat , and a really strange jacket . The tour guide started going on about the metals they use in the robots , and the funny man looked at me again and pretended to yawn . The tour guide was annoyed , because he was in the middle of his little speech . The funny man gave him an innocent look , and pointed at someone else , which made me giggle . When the tour guide turned around again , the funny man looked back at me , and winked . The group kept moving , and he went with them . Then my dad took me for ice cream , and we went home . At Christmas , I asked for a puppy again , as usual . My dad said that he couldn 't do that - but that he was planning a surprise for me . A really cool surprise . He had been working late at the factory every day for weeks , and I thought maybe it was something to do with the war and the soldiers . But it wasn 't . On Christmas morning , I ran downstairs , and in the middle of the other presents , was a box . My dad looked at me and his voice became very serious . ' Now you have to promise me something , ' he said . ' You have to promise not to tell anyone where it came from , or I might get in a lot of trouble . And you have to promise to be very careful with it , because it cost a lot of money . ' But not a normal puppy , not one that would make me sick . It was a little robot puppy . It was about half my size , like one those big dogs that look like horses . It was shiny and silver . And when I said hello , it made a robotic barking noise , like those joke doorbells you can get . It jumped out , ran over to me , and lifted up its front paw to shake hands . I couldn 't believe it - it was the best present ever , and exactly what I wanted . I grabbed my dad and hugged him really tightly , nearly knocking him over . He laughed , and I realised that I hadn 't seen him laugh like that for ages . He 's such a serious man , sometimes . He watches the news every day , if you can believe that . ' I adapted one of the scouts , made it more or less dog - shaped , then I installed some dog - programming . We scan human brain patterns so the robot soldiers can think more like us . This was a similar process . I scanned the brain patterns of a dog , and made the robot think like a real one . Mostly . Some things it can 't do , obviously . ' ' No , it can 't do those things . But it can run around , it can fetch , and it can protect you . Just like a real dog . But it will never make you sick . It 's got our latest AI chip , and is the cleverest robot we 've made so far . It can learn what you like to do , and adapt its behaviour accordingly . I 've programmed it to be loyal to you , so it will always be your friend . ' And I ran off , shouting at the robot puppy to come with me . My dad laughed as we ran around and around the gardens , but then suddenly I tripped over a rose bush and fell over . I cut my knee a little bit , and had to have a plaster . It didn 't hurt that much . And the whole time , the robot puppy stayed with me , making sure I was safe , and walking in front of me in case there was anything else to trip over . After I 'd had a rest , I came downstairs and found my dad on the phone to the garden centre . The robot puppy had gone out and stamped on the rose bush that tripped me up . Then it dug it out of the ground , and stuffed it in the bin . It was just trying to protect me , I suppose . But my dad had to get a new rose bush delivered , so he was quite annoyed . It was funny though . Over the next few weeks , me and Digger went for lots of walks , and a lot of plants got dug up in the garden . My dad gave up trying to replant them . As long as I was happy , he didn 't mind too much . Although he wasn 't too pleased with the mess . He said it looked like their minefield testing ground . I asked why their minefield ground looked like that if the robot scouts made the mines all safe ? He sort of coughed into his tea , and said he just meant it was a very messy place . Then he changed the subject . I hope he 's not fibbing about the robot scouts . I hope they don 't get exploded in the minefields . I would have Something To Say about that . The week after that , my dad got people in to concrete all over the gardens , because he said it was an ' eyesore ' . I don 't blame him . It was a great big dirty mess . Me and Digger watched from the upstairs window as they laid the concrete , and flattened it out . Once it was ready , they fused it dry with their special electrical thingy , and it was ready to walk on right away . Me and Digger ran out to go for another walk . Digger loved going for walks . We ended up chasing each other again , around and around until I got dizzy . Digger never got dizzy , he probably had some special robot anti - dizzifying thing built in . Which I think is cheating , really . While we were running around , I slipped on the concrete , and fell over again , hurting my elbow . It wasn 't too bad , just a scrape from the concrete . But Digger ran to the part of the garden where I 'd fallen , and stamped on it , trying to dig it up . It was solid concrete though , so he couldn 't do it . He seemed a bit upset about that , and was quiet for the rest of the day . He must have been sad that he couldn 't make it safe for me . But then , you can 't make the whole world safe for everyone , unless you wrapped all the dangerous bits in bubble wrap , and that would probably hurt your ears with the popping noises everywhere you went . Anyway , you wouldn 't be able to bubble wrap over the sea . Unless you had a really , really , really big roll of bubble wrap . That night , I woke up , and Digger was gone . I panicked , and worried that something might have happened to him , and went to tell my dad . His hair was sticking up all weird , and he wasn 't really awake yet . ' Go back to sleep , ' he said . ' He 's probably just gone for a walk . I programmed him to be loyal to you , he would never leave you . ' And he would have gone back to sleep , if the siren hadn 't gone off . That was the siren which meant something Very Bad was happening at work . He looked at me . I looked at him . And somehow we both knew that Digger was involved . We stopped outside a large doorway marked " Advanced Weaponry Prototypes " . There was another big hole in the door , and next to it was an abandoned JCB , one of those big yellow truck things with a metal bucket arm . Digger must have tried to get in the main factory gates , but wasn 't strong enough . So Digger got himself a digger . I was hoping he 'd laugh , but he just frowned , and paced up and down for a bit . He made me wait outside the gate , while he went inside to see what was going on . I waited for a few minutes . But when I heard explosions and screaming , I ran inside . I didn 't want anything bad to happen to my dad . It took me a while to find him . He was sheltering behind a blast testing shield , while Digger threw things around . There was a row of robot soldiers stacked up like toys , and down one end was a special cage with a really big robot soldier inside . It was the size of a house , and looked a bit like a frog standing up . Only a really , really , really big frog . Made of metal . With guns and missiles on its arms . Digger was trying to break open the cage , using one of the robot soldier guns , and that 's what was causing the explosions and sparks . My dad saw me come in . ' I don 't know . At first , I thought he just wanted to dig up the concrete in the garden , to make it safe for you . But this is something else , he 's gone mad . ' And that 's when the funny man suddenly ran over to us . He was the man with the strange jacket that I 'd seen in the tour group a while ago . He winked at me , and waved at my dad . We couldn 't see where he had come from , he must have been there the whole time . My dad looked at him . The funny man was so friendly looking , you couldn 't help but just answer him . ' Yes , ' said my dad . ' But only a very basic version . Self protection , loyalty , checking for safety , watching over its owners , and so on . ' ' Ah , well , there 's your problem . It 's so obsessed with protecting its owner , it 's making sure that it can protect you against anything and everything . It 's those new AI brains you developed , they 're where the trouble starts . I mean , brilliant design , they do exactly what you intended , learning faster than any other brain before - but it 's too much for them . ' He unscrewed the control panel behind the blast shield , and pulled out about a million multicoloured wires . He peeled the plastic off some , and started crossing them all over , so quickly I could barely make out what he was doing . And he kept talking while he did it . I 'm not sure quite what the next bit was , but it was very long and complicated . I borrowed the security tape from that night , so I could write down what he said properly , but it still sounded like gobbledegook . My dad explained it to me , which confused me even more , so I had to look it up . It means they just go a bit funny in the head . I don 't know why they couldn 't have just said that in the first place . ' Which is why , ' continued the funny man , ' It wants to fuse itself to that heavily armed combat chassis . That way , it can eliminate any and all threats to young Yarah , here . Unfortunately , everything in the world except Yarah might be a threat to her , so it 'll have to destroy it all . Everything in the world . Bit by bit . ' ' Oh , I 'm so sorry , I 'm the Doctor . Always forgetting that part . I usually turn up when things are going a bit haywire . Hello ! ' The Doctor kept fiddling with the wires , and some of the circuits . ' I need to send out a shutdown signal , a complex looped instruction that will lock the brain into one single thought , sort of a paradox , a riddle , which it can 't think its way out of . You know , which came first , the chicken or the egg , that sort of thing , but more complex obviously . Then it 'll overload , and short itself out . ' ' Sorry , ' said the Doctor . ' They 'll be taken out too . Has to be done , I 'm afraid . Don 't worry about the war - the same thing just happened to the other side , they must have been working along similar lines . Luckily I got to them before anything went wrong . Well , before anything went too badly wrong . I mean , that whole area of the city needed rebuilding anyway . . . There , that should do it ! ' And suddenly , he jammed two more wires together . There was a really loud hum , and a blinding flash , and all the robots in the factory stopped what they were doing , including Digger . They staggered around for a bit , and then sat down , their brains whirring and grinding slowly down . I ran over to Digger . He wasn 't dangerous anymore , just a silly looking robot puppy who was about to die . I sat with him until the end . The Doctor told me he wouldn 't feel any pain , that it was just like a machine being switched off . But that just made it worse . I started crying then . I know Digger tore the factory apart - and killed several people - but he was just trying to be a good puppy and protect me . For a while , anyway , he was my friend . After it was all over , I asked my dad if we could bury Digger in the back garden . We gave him a proper send off , and got a really nice little memorial statue to mark where he was . That way he could always watch over me . A few weeks went by , and I was starting to get used to the idea that I could never , ever have a real pet . I was upset about it , but it could have been a lot worse . Like my granny always said , at least I had a home , and a family , and my health . Well , most of my health . Unless I went near an animal . He talked to my dad for a long time , explaining something or other , but they seemed to come to some sort of agreement . Then the Doctor came out to talk to me . He had a small box with him . ' Hello Yarah , ' he said . ' I 've got a little present for you . I 'm not really supposed to do this , but I reckon this is a special case . Now , you have to keep this a secret , okay ? Can you do that for me ? ' He handed the box to me . I opened it , and inside was a glowing , pinkish ball of fluff , like cotton wool but moving around slowly . I took it out . It tickled , felt like sunlight and jam mixed together . The Doctor crouched down to talk to me . ' Now Yarah . This is an alien shapeshifting pet , from a long way away . It 's not from Earth , so there won 't be any problem with your allergies . You wanted a real pet , didn 't you ? ' ' You tell me , ' he said , his eyes twinkling . I must have looked confused , because then he smiled , and it was such a big , silly smile , it made me smile too . ' It takes the form of whatever animal you want , anything , no matter how exotic . All you need to do is close your eyes , and let it read your mind for a few moments . Then it will shape itself into whatever creature you want . Go on , give it a try . ' ' Good , ' he said . ' I 'm very glad to hear it . Merry Christmas . Sorry it 's a bit late . But better late than never , that 's what I always say . ' With that , he walked away quickly , around the corner , and was gone . I never knew where he came from , or where he went . And I never saw him again . But I never forgot his big , silly smile . My name is Yarah de Silva . My puppy 's name is Patch . He is black and white , with a sort of pale patch on one side of his nose , and two white paws , like socks . He has one wonky ear and one normal one . He is a bit messy , a bit clumsy , and keeps sitting in his own water bowl by accident , but he doesn 't care cause he 's having such a brilliant time just being here . Severance , Cockneys Vs Zombies , Tower Block , Doctor Who , Torchwood , Primeval , Spooks , Crusoe , Spooks Code 9 , The Sparticle Mystery , Crossing Lines , Eve , creator of Mina Murray 's Journal . Blog contains strong language , reading while pregnant may harm your child 's mind . View showreel . |
My first published short story appeared in Short Trips : Transmissions . I wrote another story for Short Trips : Christmas Around the World , which also came out in 2008 . Sadly , the Short Trips books are now out of print , and used copies are going for silly prices on Amazon and eBay . But I 've got permission to post both of mine here , for free - treat them as fan fiction , not for profit , etc etc . Please don 't repost , just link if you want to share them . Story notes : this sprang into my head almost fully formed when working on Primeval . The brilliant script editor , Katie Newman , mentioned her niece who loved animals but couldn 't have a pet because they made her ill . It 's not often a story just appears in your head , but I 'm glad this one did . It made me cry when writing it , and still does now when I re - read it . It 's a rare warm and fuzzy tale , with no serial killers or baby slaughter , and one of my favourite things I 've done . My name is Yarah de Silva . Yarah means " water lady " . My teacher told me that at school , but my dad always said that it means " Amazonian warrior " . I think my dad was making that up . But it sounds cooler , so I 've decided to believe him and not my teacher . I live in a small town called Avelar , in Brazil . It is the year 2672 . I am 11 years , 4 months and 2 days old . I am a girl . When I grow up , I am going to be a famous astronaut , and I will fly into space and meet aliens and make friends with them . When I was very small , a boy pushed me over at school and said that girls were too stupid to be astronauts . When my dad found out , he told me that girls were not stupid at all , and that the only people who were really stupid were the ones who went around pushing people over and making them feel bad . Then my dad went to the school , found the boy , and told him that if he ever hurt me again , he 'd put him into a very small bottle . Like a ship in a bottle . And then he 'd put that bottle in his shed , along with all the other bottles full of all the other naughty kids he 'd done the same thing to . The boy never came near me again . He was too scared to even look at me . He was silly . My dad doesn 't even have a shed . I am allergic to animals . That means that if I go near any kind of animal , I get really sick . One time I saw a cat in the garden , so I went out and petted it . I felt okay for an hour , but then I couldn 't breathe , and woke up in hospital . I can 't touch animals , I can 't go near them , and I definitely can 't have a pet . Not even a goldfish . We tried one of those , but it made me just as sick as the cat . Some people are allergic to cats , but not fish . I 'm allergic to all of them . The doctors don 't know why . They say I 'll be fine , I 'll have a perfectly normal life , as long as I stay away from animals . Every Christmas I ask for a puppy . Every Christmas , my dad tells me that I can 't have one , and he gets me another stuffed toy , and some other games and sweets and books . I love the presents he gets me . He always knows what I like . But he can never get me the thing that I want more than anything , because it 'll make me sick . Instead , I draw lots of pictures of puppies , which is as close as I can get to the real thing . Most of my drawings are the same . I 'm trying to figure out what the perfect puppy would look like . I would call him Patch . He should be black and white , with a sort of pale patch on one side of his nose , and two white paws , like socks . He should have one wonky ear and one normal one . He should be a bit messy , a bit clumsy , the sort of clumsy dog that sits in his own water bowl by accident , then can 't figure out what happened , but he doesn 't care cause he 's having such a brilliant time just being here . And most importantly , he should love me . That would be the most perfect puppy in the world . I draw lots of pictures of him . Sometimes I take the pictures for a walk . People laugh at me , but I don 't care . My mother went away when I was 4 . I don 't remember her much . My dad says she is a superspy for the government , and had to go off on a really important , top secret mission , maybe for years and years . He says we should both be really proud of her . I can tell he is very proud , he always gets really quiet when he talks about her . I hope she finishes her secret mission one day , then she can come back home . The news people keep saying there 's going to be a war with Russia . Or maybe it 's China . I 'm not sure . Some big country , anyway . I get scared when they go on about it , but my dad says not to worry . He 'll keep me safe . He should know , because he works for Positron Incorporated , and they make the robot soldiers that the army uses . He says our robot soldiers are better than theirs , so there 's nothing to worry about . I trust him . He 's the cleverest person in the whole wide world , and is the head of robotics at the company , so he must know what he 's talking about . He 's been very busy lately , because of all the talk about war , so they 've been making more robot soldiers than usual . Bigger and better ones , and not just soldiers - robot guns and robot planes , and special thinking machines that can work out how to beat the other side properly . My dad explained how it worked one time , but I didn 't really understand . Something about fuzzy pathways and organic chess . Or maybe it was organic pathways and fuzzy chess ? I don 't know . Something was fuzzy , anyway . One time , he brought me to work to show me how they made everything , it was really good fun . We saw the machine that makes the robot soldiers , and they showed me the little brains before they went in their heads . Funny how something so small can have your whole mind inside . My dad said that it was the same for people - we have a small lump of grey stuff in our heads , and that does all the thinking . Only ours is called a brain , and the robot soldier brain is called . . . something else . It was five or six really , really long words . I just call them robot brains . He said they 'd made a big breakthrough in how they think about thinking , and how robots think , and it meant they could make them even more clever . One day , he said , they 'd be even cleverer than us . Not him , obviously . Nobody 's as clever as my dad . When he showed me around , there were some tourists there too , in a big group . I wasn 't with them , I was getting the special tour from my dad . But they all looked at us when the tour guide pointed out my dad . He told them what his job was and they all went " ooooh " , because my dad is very important at the factory . They all stared at him , except for one man in the group . He looked at me instead , and smiled and waved . I waved back . He seemed nice , and looked quite funny . He had long hair , and a waistcoat , and a really strange jacket . The tour guide started going on about the metals they use in the robots , and the funny man looked at me again and pretended to yawn . The tour guide was annoyed , because he was in the middle of his little speech . The funny man gave him an innocent look , and pointed at someone else , which made me giggle . When the tour guide turned around again , the funny man looked back at me , and winked . The group kept moving , and he went with them . Then my dad took me for ice cream , and we went home . At Christmas , I asked for a puppy again , as usual . My dad said that he couldn 't do that - but that he was planning a surprise for me . A really cool surprise . He had been working late at the factory every day for weeks , and I thought maybe it was something to do with the war and the soldiers . But it wasn 't . On Christmas morning , I ran downstairs , and in the middle of the other presents , was a box . My dad looked at me and his voice became very serious . ' Now you have to promise me something , ' he said . ' You have to promise not to tell anyone where it came from , or I might get in a lot of trouble . And you have to promise to be very careful with it , because it cost a lot of money . ' But not a normal puppy , not one that would make me sick . It was a little robot puppy . It was about half my size , like one those big dogs that look like horses . It was shiny and silver . And when I said hello , it made a robotic barking noise , like those joke doorbells you can get . It jumped out , ran over to me , and lifted up its front paw to shake hands . I couldn 't believe it - it was the best present ever , and exactly what I wanted . I grabbed my dad and hugged him really tightly , nearly knocking him over . He laughed , and I realised that I hadn 't seen him laugh like that for ages . He 's such a serious man , sometimes . He watches the news every day , if you can believe that . ' I adapted one of the scouts , made it more or less dog - shaped , then I installed some dog - programming . We scan human brain patterns so the robot soldiers can think more like us . This was a similar process . I scanned the brain patterns of a dog , and made the robot think like a real one . Mostly . Some things it can 't do , obviously . ' ' No , it can 't do those things . But it can run around , it can fetch , and it can protect you . Just like a real dog . But it will never make you sick . It 's got our latest AI chip , and is the cleverest robot we 've made so far . It can learn what you like to do , and adapt its behaviour accordingly . I 've programmed it to be loyal to you , so it will always be your friend . ' And I ran off , shouting at the robot puppy to come with me . My dad laughed as we ran around and around the gardens , but then suddenly I tripped over a rose bush and fell over . I cut my knee a little bit , and had to have a plaster . It didn 't hurt that much . And the whole time , the robot puppy stayed with me , making sure I was safe , and walking in front of me in case there was anything else to trip over . After I 'd had a rest , I came downstairs and found my dad on the phone to the garden centre . The robot puppy had gone out and stamped on the rose bush that tripped me up . Then it dug it out of the ground , and stuffed it in the bin . It was just trying to protect me , I suppose . But my dad had to get a new rose bush delivered , so he was quite annoyed . It was funny though . Over the next few weeks , me and Digger went for lots of walks , and a lot of plants got dug up in the garden . My dad gave up trying to replant them . As long as I was happy , he didn 't mind too much . Although he wasn 't too pleased with the mess . He said it looked like their minefield testing ground . I asked why their minefield ground looked like that if the robot scouts made the mines all safe ? He sort of coughed into his tea , and said he just meant it was a very messy place . Then he changed the subject . I hope he 's not fibbing about the robot scouts . I hope they don 't get exploded in the minefields . I would have Something To Say about that . The week after that , my dad got people in to concrete all over the gardens , because he said it was an ' eyesore ' . I don 't blame him . It was a great big dirty mess . Me and Digger watched from the upstairs window as they laid the concrete , and flattened it out . Once it was ready , they fused it dry with their special electrical thingy , and it was ready to walk on right away . Me and Digger ran out to go for another walk . Digger loved going for walks . We ended up chasing each other again , around and around until I got dizzy . Digger never got dizzy , he probably had some special robot anti - dizzifying thing built in . Which I think is cheating , really . While we were running around , I slipped on the concrete , and fell over again , hurting my elbow . It wasn 't too bad , just a scrape from the concrete . But Digger ran to the part of the garden where I 'd fallen , and stamped on it , trying to dig it up . It was solid concrete though , so he couldn 't do it . He seemed a bit upset about that , and was quiet for the rest of the day . He must have been sad that he couldn 't make it safe for me . But then , you can 't make the whole world safe for everyone , unless you wrapped all the dangerous bits in bubble wrap , and that would probably hurt your ears with the popping noises everywhere you went . Anyway , you wouldn 't be able to bubble wrap over the sea . Unless you had a really , really , really big roll of bubble wrap . That night , I woke up , and Digger was gone . I panicked , and worried that something might have happened to him , and went to tell my dad . His hair was sticking up all weird , and he wasn 't really awake yet . ' Go back to sleep , ' he said . ' He 's probably just gone for a walk . I programmed him to be loyal to you , he would never leave you . ' And he would have gone back to sleep , if the siren hadn 't gone off . That was the siren which meant something Very Bad was happening at work . He looked at me . I looked at him . And somehow we both knew that Digger was involved . We stopped outside a large doorway marked " Advanced Weaponry Prototypes " . There was another big hole in the door , and next to it was an abandoned JCB , one of those big yellow truck things with a metal bucket arm . Digger must have tried to get in the main factory gates , but wasn 't strong enough . So Digger got himself a digger . I was hoping he 'd laugh , but he just frowned , and paced up and down for a bit . He made me wait outside the gate , while he went inside to see what was going on . I waited for a few minutes . But when I heard explosions and screaming , I ran inside . I didn 't want anything bad to happen to my dad . It took me a while to find him . He was sheltering behind a blast testing shield , while Digger threw things around . There was a row of robot soldiers stacked up like toys , and down one end was a special cage with a really big robot soldier inside . It was the size of a house , and looked a bit like a frog standing up . Only a really , really , really big frog . Made of metal . With guns and missiles on its arms . Digger was trying to break open the cage , using one of the robot soldier guns , and that 's what was causing the explosions and sparks . My dad saw me come in . ' I don 't know . At first , I thought he just wanted to dig up the concrete in the garden , to make it safe for you . But this is something else , he 's gone mad . ' And that 's when the funny man suddenly ran over to us . He was the man with the strange jacket that I 'd seen in the tour group a while ago . He winked at me , and waved at my dad . We couldn 't see where he had come from , he must have been there the whole time . My dad looked at him . The funny man was so friendly looking , you couldn 't help but just answer him . ' Yes , ' said my dad . ' But only a very basic version . Self protection , loyalty , checking for safety , watching over its owners , and so on . ' ' Ah , well , there 's your problem . It 's so obsessed with protecting its owner , it 's making sure that it can protect you against anything and everything . It 's those new AI brains you developed , they 're where the trouble starts . I mean , brilliant design , they do exactly what you intended , learning faster than any other brain before - but it 's too much for them . ' He unscrewed the control panel behind the blast shield , and pulled out about a million multicoloured wires . He peeled the plastic off some , and started crossing them all over , so quickly I could barely make out what he was doing . And he kept talking while he did it . I 'm not sure quite what the next bit was , but it was very long and complicated . I borrowed the security tape from that night , so I could write down what he said properly , but it still sounded like gobbledegook . My dad explained it to me , which confused me even more , so I had to look it up . It means they just go a bit funny in the head . I don 't know why they couldn 't have just said that in the first place . ' Which is why , ' continued the funny man , ' It wants to fuse itself to that heavily armed combat chassis . That way , it can eliminate any and all threats to young Yarah , here . Unfortunately , everything in the world except Yarah might be a threat to her , so it 'll have to destroy it all . Everything in the world . Bit by bit . ' ' Oh , I 'm so sorry , I 'm the Doctor . Always forgetting that part . I usually turn up when things are going a bit haywire . Hello ! ' The Doctor kept fiddling with the wires , and some of the circuits . ' I need to send out a shutdown signal , a complex looped instruction that will lock the brain into one single thought , sort of a paradox , a riddle , which it can 't think its way out of . You know , which came first , the chicken or the egg , that sort of thing , but more complex obviously . Then it 'll overload , and short itself out . ' ' Sorry , ' said the Doctor . ' They 'll be taken out too . Has to be done , I 'm afraid . Don 't worry about the war - the same thing just happened to the other side , they must have been working along similar lines . Luckily I got to them before anything went wrong . Well , before anything went too badly wrong . I mean , that whole area of the city needed rebuilding anyway . . . There , that should do it ! ' And suddenly , he jammed two more wires together . There was a really loud hum , and a blinding flash , and all the robots in the factory stopped what they were doing , including Digger . They staggered around for a bit , and then sat down , their brains whirring and grinding slowly down . I ran over to Digger . He wasn 't dangerous anymore , just a silly looking robot puppy who was about to die . I sat with him until the end . The Doctor told me he wouldn 't feel any pain , that it was just like a machine being switched off . But that just made it worse . I started crying then . I know Digger tore the factory apart - and killed several people - but he was just trying to be a good puppy and protect me . For a while , anyway , he was my friend . After it was all over , I asked my dad if we could bury Digger in the back garden . We gave him a proper send off , and got a really nice little memorial statue to mark where he was . That way he could always watch over me . A few weeks went by , and I was starting to get used to the idea that I could never , ever have a real pet . I was upset about it , but it could have been a lot worse . Like my granny always said , at least I had a home , and a family , and my health . Well , most of my health . Unless I went near an animal . He talked to my dad for a long time , explaining something or other , but they seemed to come to some sort of agreement . Then the Doctor came out to talk to me . He had a small box with him . ' Hello Yarah , ' he said . ' I 've got a little present for you . I 'm not really supposed to do this , but I reckon this is a special case . Now , you have to keep this a secret , okay ? Can you do that for me ? ' He handed the box to me . I opened it , and inside was a glowing , pinkish ball of fluff , like cotton wool but moving around slowly . I took it out . It tickled , felt like sunlight and jam mixed together . The Doctor crouched down to talk to me . ' Now Yarah . This is an alien shapeshifting pet , from a long way away . It 's not from Earth , so there won 't be any problem with your allergies . You wanted a real pet , didn 't you ? ' ' You tell me , ' he said , his eyes twinkling . I must have looked confused , because then he smiled , and it was such a big , silly smile , it made me smile too . ' It takes the form of whatever animal you want , anything , no matter how exotic . All you need to do is close your eyes , and let it read your mind for a few moments . Then it will shape itself into whatever creature you want . Go on , give it a try . ' ' Good , ' he said . ' I 'm very glad to hear it . Merry Christmas . Sorry it 's a bit late . But better late than never , that 's what I always say . ' With that , he walked away quickly , around the corner , and was gone . I never knew where he came from , or where he went . And I never saw him again . But I never forgot his big , silly smile . My name is Yarah de Silva . My puppy 's name is Patch . He is black and white , with a sort of pale patch on one side of his nose , and two white paws , like socks . He has one wonky ear and one normal one . He is a bit messy , a bit clumsy , and keeps sitting in his own water bowl by accident , but he doesn 't care cause he 's having such a brilliant time just being here . Severance , Cockneys Vs Zombies , Tower Block , Doctor Who , Torchwood , Primeval , Spooks , Crusoe , Spooks Code 9 , The Sparticle Mystery , Crossing Lines , Eve , creator of Mina Murray 's Journal . Blog contains strong language , reading while pregnant may harm your child 's mind . View showreel . |
Bill had told me that he went to the donut shop in the morning to drink coffee and visit with his friends . I told him that I had heard of a donut shop but had never been in one . . . . . LOL . I did intend to get up and go with him and woke up in time but came in the living room and went back to sleep in my chair and didn 't get up to go with him . Bill and I went to the Petro so that I could buy a CB radio for our trip . When we got there , they had a nice Cobra radio on sale but had sold out of them . They had the Wilson antenna that I wanted but not the radio . We went to the Flying J on I - 10 in Orange to get the items I needed . TxDOT has I - 10 under construction between Bridge City and Orange , so we were delayed about 45 minutes . The bad thing was , they have the road barricaded off but no one was working on the highway . the only workers out there were off the road on the new section of road and nowhere near the actual road . Before we got to the store , Bill got hungry and took me to a barbecue restaurant that has some of the best barbecue I have ever eaten . We went over to the Flying J store and found the radio I wanted , a Cobra 29LTD . This is the standard radio used by truckers and should be everything I need for traveling . Flying J didn 't have the antenna I want , so we will have to go back to Petro tomorrow to get it . As a demonstration of how a CB radio can come in handy , Bill had turned his on when we got held up on the freeway to find out what the problem was and which lane was blocked . We came back to Bill 's house and both of us took a nap this afternoon . Stella had made some beef soup and a loaf of bread for supper but no one was hungry yet . Ornell had decided to work graveyard shift tonight for a little extra money for out trip , so we all decided to wait a little while to eat . After we ate , we sat outside on the back porch until Ornell needed to go in and try to sleep before she had to go to work . I watched television and played on the computer until almost midnight before I went to bed . I guess I 'm getting used to beingPosted by We got up early this morning because Stella has to go to one of the doctor 's offices to meet with her . We also had to close everything up for the service technician to work on the trailer this morning . We got everything done and were away from the store a little after 8 . We went to Dr . Longmire 's office in Hitchcock for Stella 's meeting with Dr . Gulde . I sat in the truck with Cassie and read a book while she was inside . At least the weather wasn 't too bad and I was able to remain fairly comfortable while waiting . Cassie slept through the whole thing . When she got through , we went by Dr . Gulde 's office so she could give some papers to Jackie there . We then went by the house and picked up our mail and to visually check on it . We get an amazing amount of junk mail addressed to occupant or resident . When she got through , we started to go by Dr . Merritt 's clinic in Webster but found out that the work wasn 't ready so we started to go back to CW to get the trailer . Along the way , we got a call that the rig was ready , so we hurried back to get the trailer . When we got to the store , we went in and signed the papers for the repairs . They had not been able to correct the problem with the landing jack because they had to order a part , but we were assured that it should work during our trip without a failure . I went in and bought a part for my new sewer hose , so we are good to go now . We went out and hooked up the trailer and left . We had called Bill to tell him that we are on our way to his house . He fixed us some shrimp etoufee for our supper . When we got to his house , he helped to guide me into the parking space where we will be this week . After taking a break to cool off , we ate our supper and sat around on his back porch until we went in for the night . Stella woke me up this morning putting things away in preparation for leaving this morning . I went outside and got most of the outside things done early . We had a few more boxes to take to storage , so I took them over after the gates opened at 7 . I stopped off at the Valero and picked us up a couple of breakfast croissants and brought them back . What a guy I am , to fix breakfast for my wife ! Ricky and Tommy came over and helped me get the porch down . Three pairs of hands made quick work of taking it down . We got it stacked up in the back of the truck and I continued to work outside . Somehow the power cord for my computer had broken . It looks like it was cut , but I think I may have accidentally put the chair leg down on it , cutting it . Ricky and I repaired it and checked it out . It 's working ! Yippee . . . . . We got away a little before 10 to go to Camping World to have some minor issues taken care of . We made good time through Houston and got there right about 11 o ' clock , which was right on time . I found out that they had overbooked on service work but since we had an appointment , they will get our work done . We set up the electricity and water , so we will be comfortable when we come back to the trailer this afternoon and will spend the night in the back lot . That way , we 'll be right there for tomorrow 's repairs to be made . We stopped off at a Best Buy store to check on the power cord . I learned that they have an after - market power cord that only powers the computer but doesn 't charge the battery . I really want one that does both but will have to go back to the manufacturer for that . We went to the HEB grocery store and bought several items that the boys had used up , including milk and cereal . Those boys can sure put the food away ! We returned to the trailer in the CW parking lot and hung out for the afternoon . It sucks not to have our Dish TV antenna set up , but that 's a little too much trouble and besides that , its just one more thing to put away in the morning . Stella had some more work to do anyway , so we just stayed hPosted by I woke up pretty early and went outside to see Ted and Donna off . They were supposed to leave at 7 : 30 and were right on time . I helped Ted check his tire inflation . He had a problem with his tire gauge and I brought mine over to finish up . We will see them again in Ohio or Indiana next month and go on our multi - state trip with them . Ricky needed to go to Camperland to look for a part for his oven vent . His vent had broken off and he was looking for a screen to cover it so no bugs or bees will get in . They didn 't have anything but I did buy some replacement bulbs for the light under the counter over the sink . When we got back to the trailer , I got real energetic and feeling very mechanical , changed out the burned out bulb . The boys had spent the night again , even though today was a school day . This is the last two full days of school and both had missed school before now , so they weren 't getting any perfect attendance awards , so they stayed here . Jeremy has a meeting this morning in the Woodlands and will pick them up when he 's through . I went swimming with Cameron again and we had fun playing horses with the basketball and throwing the football across the pool . We also went into the hot tub which made my back feel much better . We went back into the pool and I got tired of all the bugs in the pool . Cam found a small net and I swept up a pound or so of dead bugs out of the pool . Jeremy was coming to pick the boys up about 11 , so we got out of the pool and they gathered up all their stuff . This may be the last time we get to spend time with the boys before we leave and we won 't be back in Houston until October . This is all assuming that the house sale goes through . If it doesn 't , we 'll be back to try to sell it again . This afternoon , Stella wanted to get her hair cut ( I offered to do it for her but she declined ) and to get a pedicure ( another offer ) . I took her to the new Kroger shopping center and found two shops right beside each other to take care of her . I dropped her off and went back when she was done . We just hung Posted by I got up this morning and went outside about 7 , which is my usual activity when we are in a large group . I like to watch the early morning activities of all those that must leave today . Not many were out this early but the buzz of activity soon started . The kids were still out on their skates , skate boards , bikes or other wheeled vehicles , so I still had to be careful walking across the road without looking first . Cameron and I played a game of ping pong and he beat me 21 - 19 ! I guess I have to give up my crown to him now . We had a nice time together . Cam , Tyler and I soon went for a swim in the pool for the first time this weekend . The water was surprisingly cold but we soon got used to it and enjoyed ourselves . We all got blistered in the hot sun , mine mostly on my bald head , but it was still fun . We came back to the trailer and hung out for the afternoon and went to Tommy and Susan 's for a cookout . Ted and Donna had some steaks , Stella made up some hamburger patties and some corn on the cob , but we also had sausage , chicken breasts , and Ricky and Dee brought out some sausage with jalapenos and bacon wrapped around them that were very good . We had plenty of food and everyone was full at the end of the meal . We sat around talking until about 10 . Dee and Susan had to go to work the next day and Ted and Donna are leaving for Lufkin where they will have some work done on their trailer and then on to Texarkana for the night . Today is the big Memorial Day celebration here at Rayford . I got up a little early and when the boys got up , I fixed them some cereal for their breakfast . There were a lot of activities for the kids in the park , and believe me , there are a million of them . Every kid has a bike , a skateboard - either motor powered or leg powered - skates or some sort of wheeled mode of transportation . Nobody loves kids more than I do , but it sure is hard to love them when they run you off into the grass to avoid a collision . Surprisingly , neither of the boys wanted to go fishing this morning . Of course , Tyler immediately went to the computer . Cameron didn 't want to go outside either , so they stayed in for the first part of the morning . I finally got them to go out and ride their ripsticks . One of our Boomer friends , Mike Ellerbrock , came by and tried to ride with the boys , but he gave up before he fell and broke something . We had a nice visit with Mike and Barb before the threatened rain chased them away . I got the boys to go for a walk around the park with me . Tyler rode his ripstick and Cam walked with me . When we got to the back part of the park , Tyler took a bad spill and of course , it was Cameron 's fault - Tyler 's version . Tyler did have to avoid Cam when he passed him going downhill , but he lost it when he hit a wet spot on the concrete , and made him fall . Stella went down and played Candy Bar Bingo and surprised all by winning most of the candy . She threatened all of us over trying to get her Kit Kat , but said the boys could have the Hershey 's candies . We went over to the Rayford room where they served a coney island / frito pie dinner . All the guests had to bring was a dessert and a drink . We got there early and had our dogs , and then invaded the desserts . We should have waited because other desserts that came in later looked very good . It had rained pretty hard for fifteen minutes or so , which made a lot of folks late to come down , so we may have missed out on something delicious but we still had plenty to eat . Cameron and I played a Posted by I slept a little later again this morning . We met Ted and Donna and Tommy and Susan for the park - furnished breakfast of pancakes and sausage . As usual it was very good . We sat around chatting until about 9 : 30 and came back home . Those straight back chairs make my back tighten up , so I went in and turned on the vibrating heating pad and that fixed me right up . Bob had come back over this morning , and we all went over to check out a vendor that had come to the park this morning with some pulled pork sandwiches . Bob was hungry and bought one . He said it was okay but not anything special . Soon after , Stella went to the grocery store with Ted and Donna to pick up things for hamburgers that we were making this afternoon . I stayed in the trailer and took a very short nap while they were gone . Hey , someone could have been watching to see when we left so they could break in and steal something . I had to stay and take care of things around here . Tommy & Susan and Stella & I went over to the Country Place RV Park in Cut N Shoot to see the small group of Boomers that had gone there for the holiday weekend . Eddie and Kelly Rogers had set it up and Ricky and Dee & Bernest and Pauleen had all gotten together this weekend for the fishing and fellowship . While we were there , I saw Steve and Evelyn Simmons , some old friends from the Boomers . Also there with them were Ed and Sharon Bowen , also from the Boomers . Steve said he has a couple more years to go before he can retire , but Ed and Sharon are retiring next week ! Sharon is a schoolteacher and will retire at the end of this school year ( 7 days ) and Ed has been a forklift mechanic and will semi - retire in 15 days . Ed and I have stayed in touch by email and occasionally ran into each other in an RV park where we were for a weekend . He had heard about my retirement from Gwen at Rayford . It was good to see old friends , and hopefully we 'll continue to see them on the road . They plan to sell their house and full time as we are doing . Ted and Donna had stayed in the park because they were Posted by I slept in this morning for the first time in awhile , until about 7 : 30 . I got some pigs in a blanket for my breakfast this morning , so it started out well . I went out and set up the new - looking porch and steps . The new powder coating looks great and I recommend it to anyone that wants a nice smooth finish that seems to last forever . Ted arrived about 10 : 30 , so I went over and visited with him while he got set up . Donna was not with him right now , but will come over with the many items they will take with them on their long trip . She took just about everything out of the freezer and all the perishables in the pantry and fridge . We will be gone until October , so there is no reason the leave them behind . Just before Ted arrived , Tommy Hathcock had arrived . He didn 't have a tow vehicle with him , so it didn 't take him long to get set up . His most difficult job was getting the dish antenna on the roof aligned to pick up the satellites . We just piddled around the park , watching all the others arriving . This will be a big weekend here in the park , and I 'm sure that just about every kid in Houston will be here . It 's fun to watch others get set up . One fifth wheel trailer came in and hit one of the large rocks at the corner in front of the laundry room . The driver apparently didn 't know he had hit the rock because he dragged it for a long way before he got stopped . I was inside at the time but Ted was outside and saw it as it happened . He went over and helped the man get the rock out . Luckily for him , there was no damage to the trailer . Mike and Barb Ellerbrock arrived for a little reunion with their family . We visited with them for a little while , along with Mr . Webb and Vickie who were also down for the weekend . Things have really changed in the few months that we 've been gone . They now require a hanger on the mirror showing departure dates , arm bands on special weekends , and have started using Jimmy Fayard as the night security man . He patrols around in a golf cart to check on things , and now locks up the laundry room . SomeonPosted by Today we moved from Via Bayou RV Park back to Rayford for the Memorial day weekend . I got up and after eating breakfast , went outside and started putting things away . I got most of the " yard art " and bird feeders put up and came inside to see how Stella was coming with her work for the clients . She was making good progress , and when she got through she went to Dr . Merritt 's clinic in Webster to drop off some files because we didn 't want to further clutter the trailer with things we didn 't need . It took her longer than we expected and she called me about 12 : 30 to come pick her up at the house . We are leaving her car in the driveway for now . When the house sells , she will bring it to her house or put it in a parking lot to sell it for us . We have talked about giving the car to Tyler for his first car , but I 'm certain that he is going to want a new car , probably a Mustang or Corvette . . . . We finally left the park about 2 : 30 and made the long trip of about 50 miles , to Rayford . We made it in without incident and visited with Gwen for awhile when we got here . It feels like home here , and I guess it always will . This is beyond a doubt , the nicest park that we have visited , and our favorite park IN THE WORLD ! ! ! I got all set up except for the porch and the Dish antenna when I discovered that my phone had died and would not come back on . I had noticed it being off while driving up here and had plugged it in , thinking that it may have become discharged , but it was not to be . . . . . . . time for a new phone . We went to the AT & T store near the Kroger where Stella had bought her new phone a few months ago . They were still open and fixed me up with a new Motorola Razor that is similar to my old phone , only with some new features . I also got a new bluetooth headset so I will be ready if / when a new " handsfree phone operation " law comes into being . I think this will happen , so I want to be ready when it does . We met Bob Wurch at Donnelly 's Pizza for supper . We had a nice visit at one of our favorite pizza places . They have a great buffetPosted by We didn 't do much on Tuesday , just stayed in and Stella worked on doctor 's accounts . I took a couple of walks around the park , and visited with some of the other residents here . This is such a laid back place , and most of the residents work - probably in the plants in Texas City . There are a few full - time RV ' ers in here and several of them have lived here for a year or more . We will likely come back here , but the next time we will pay the difference and get a waterfront site with the nice views across the bayou . I watched the season finale of NCIS Tuesday night . Even though they don 't portray the real world of law enforcement , I can relate to some of the characters . I really miss the show NYPD Blue that went off a couple of years ago . Wednesday morning I got out and started cleaning things up and putting them away in preparation for leaving tomorrow . The birds have been eating a lot of birdseed , so I had to refill the feeder . I haven 't seen the green parrots since last week , but i know they are around here somewhere . I went over to Manvel to pick up my porch and stairs that had been powdercoated . They did a really good job and it should last us several years now . While in the area , I stopped and got fuel . They still have the lowest prices in the area in Alvin , so I went to Buccee 's and bought 22 . 6 gallons of diesel at $ 2 . 07 per gallon to go 357 . 5 miles for a 15 . 8 MPG average . I don 't know why the mileage has dropped off , but it 's still better than a gas engine . We went over to watch Tyler 's Willie Wonka play at his school tonight . It was a nice play , and Tyler did well as an Umpa Lumpa . We went to eat at Uncle Chan 's at Tyler 's request after the play was over . We had thought that the boys were coming to stay with us this weekend but Kim said they are going to Louisiana with her dad , and so they won 't be able to come visit us this weekend . We hope we 'll see them again before we leave . So long for now . Wow , what a change , it was 60 degrees outside this morning . Spring has returned , even if its for a few days . I made some cereal for my breakfast and watched Stella working on one of the doctor 's accounting . She wanted to go over to the house to drop some items off and to go through some other clothes , and to go to the county tax office to get new license tags for her Blazer so she could drive it . I went for a long walk around the park and came back to cool off before we left . We went to the tax office first and while there , I spoke with one of my former employees at Manvel , Steve Burt . Steve is getting a similar treatment to what I did in Manvel . He got hurt on the job back in December , twisting his foot and ankle . He said he reported it in a timely manner , and now , after being diagnosed as being permanently disabled by one of the city 's doctors , has been told that after his six months of sick leave / worker 's comp runs out , he will be terminated because he is no longer able to do the job . It is unbelievable how they treat their employees . We went by the house and while I cut the front grass , Stella worked on the back bedroom , cleaning it up . She filled up another large trash can and two bags full of clothes before I got hungry and we came back home to eat our supper . Tyler is playing Umpa Lumpa in the Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory play at his school tonight , but Cam has what may be his last baseball game at the same time . Tyler will be performing again on Wednesday night and said it was okay with him if we went to the ball game and came to watch him on Wednesday . We went to the ball game and like we were afraid , they lost 9 - 0 . I think the boys are just tired of playing and with school ending next week , their minds are not on a ball game . Jeremy is still getting the run - around by his financier for the house , and now has to wait on an appraiser to get two other comparative houses in my neighborhood . It seems to me that this should have been done a long time ago , but as Stella pointed out , with the deregulation oPosted by The boys spent the night , so it was pretty crowded in the living room until they woke up and folded up their bed . While they were getting out of bed and getting ready , I took down the steps and porch . I had located a friend of mine who is doing powder coating in his shop behind his house . I had run into Bobby when I went over and had coffee in Manvel last week and had made arrangements to take the metal items over to have them coated . When the boys got up and about , we drove over to the house where Bobby is living . It turns out that he is living with another man I know , Scott Van Dusen , in Manvel . I have known Scott for many years and know he is very competent . I have seen a lot of his work on both his own vehicles and on MAVFD trucks and know Scott is very talented . When we got to his house , he invited me into his shop and showed me some of his work . He told me he puts three coats of powder on his items , and they are absolutely gorgeous when he gets through with them . I am excited about the finish on the porch , and am only worried about the time it is going to take to finish them before we are ready to leave . After we dropped the porch off , we returned to Alvin where we stopped at Joe 's Breakfast buffet . I had seen the signs for the buffet for a long time but we had never had a reason to come to Alvin for breakfast until now . The food was very good but there was a problem with the manpower in the restaurant . There were few servers and wait staff , and we had to finally just call someone over to our table to order the boy 's drinks . The food was good but not great , and I would recommend that anyone in the area that wants a good breakfast buffet to try it . They may have had a bad employee day today , and it may be all better the next time . We returned to the trailer and played games all afternoon . The boys wanted to stay and didn 't want to go home , even when Jeremy called and said he had fixed some ham and scalloped potatoes for supper . Jeremy 's supper was good , and we all had plenty to eat . We stayed for a little longer Posted by We stayed in the trailer again this morning and Stella worked on client 's work again . My back was still bothering me , so I sat in the recliner on the heating / vibrating pad to try to make it feel better . It has been bothering me for over a week now . I don 't know how I injured myself , but it 's not a muscle pull , it feels more like a strain of some sort . We went to Cameron 's first playoff game this afternoon , and luckily for them , they won ! The final score was 12 - 3against a team that they had beaten three times before . Our boys looked pretty good so far , but it is a single elimination playoff , so one loss and they are out . We all went to eat at Gringo 's restaurant , one of our favorite Mexican food restaurants . After eating , we took the boys to their house where they picked up some clothes and came home with MeMaw and PePaw . Of course , Tyler immediately found my laptop and started playing games online . We monitor the sites he goes to and are careful that he doesn 't go into an innapropriate site , even if by accident . We all got a good night 's sleep , but I 'm not sure how late Tyler was up playing on the computer . Til next time . . . . Stella got up pretty early and went to DeMontrond Chevy in Texas City to pick up Kim . She had dropped off her car for some warranty work to be done and needed a ride to work . It sure makes it easier to have both cars again . If not , I would have had to dress and drive over to pick her up , and as it was , I stayed here with Cassie and watched television . After Stella got back , we stayed around the trailer until time to go to Discount Tires for the new tires for the truck . We met with Lupe , the young man we had talked to before about the new tires . He had told me that the BF Goodrich tires we had on the truck were as good a tire as the Michelins we were looking at , but the Michelins would be quieter , so this is the way we went . They got right on the tire change and didn 't find any other problems , so we were on our way in about an hour . The technician that moved the truck did discover the air horn and had a good time with it in the parking lot . That 's what it 's there for guys . . . . . We went by the house to get the mail and at the same time , I went in and got our old shredder . Stella had several old documents that needed to be shredded before they were discarded , so after we came back home , I sat outside and got the job done . I filled up just about half the park 's dumpster with shreds of reports and other documents , but now it 's done and we 're not taking up valuable storage space with 10 - 15 year old documents . That chore took up a couple of hours in the afternoon . Stella had been steadily working on other work for her clients , so we took a lunch break about 2 o ' clock . I ate the last two pieces of leftover fish which filled me up . We went by the Post Office in Dickinson to drop off some mail that had to be postmarked today and went to pick up Kim at work to take her back to her car at the dealership . We went to pick up Tyler at his school , where he was practicing for a play . He is playing Umpa Lumpa in the Willie Wonka play next week . Jeremy had picked up Cameron , so we went to their house and took both boys to eat some burgePosted by Stella had to meet Dr . Gulde this morning to go to Houston for an appeal hearing from a former employee who is appealing her termination . They have already been to the termination hearing and the finding was in the doctor 's favor , but this ex - employee has appealed . I stayed at home and did chores around here . I took care of Cassie , put away some of my stuff that I brought over from the house and cleaned up some around here . Of course , I took a couple of naps in my recliner , but that 's one of the luxuries of being retired . Stella was gone longer than we had expected , but when she returned , she fixed us a new dish for us , hot dogs with sauerkraut . They were very good , better than I expected them to be . After the late lunch , we stayed around here until time to go to Cameron 's baseball game . His team got blown out again , 12 - 4 . They are apparently getting tired of the baseball season and didn 't score a run until the last inning . Tomorrow is the last game of the regular season , so we 'll see how they do in the playoffs . Til next time . Today was another stay at the trailer while Stella works days . She had made arrangements to go to Dr . Merritt 's clinic in Webster today and left here about 10 . She stayed there all morning but came home about 2 with hamburgers for our lunch . I love Whataburgers ! Stella had made arrangements to meet with Dr . Merritt this afternoon and left about 4 to go to her office . I cleaned up a little more in the trailer while she was gone . A little after 5 , Cameron called me and asked if we could come back over to play some games with them tonight . How could I refuse when he asked me " Please come over PePaw ? " I called Stella just as she was leaving the office and she met me over at Kim 's house . Looking back on it , I shouldn 't have gone because I got beaten badly in Tri - ominoes . I had to pick up every domino in the " bone pile " after I couldn 't play right off the bat . It was bad . . . . . We came home and my back started bothering me again . I took some more Motrin but spent another sleepless night in my recliner . I don 't know what I 've done to my back , but I wish it would fix itself . Without insurance I can 't afford to go to the doctor and have very expensive x - rays or MRI 's run . Kids , take a lesson from me and try your best to have some kind of insurance coverage when you retire ! So long for now , Today we stayed at the trailer in the morning . We both ate cereal for breakfast and watched television . Stella needed to work on client 's work today , so she took care of their business . She called Dr . Merritt 's office and made arrangements to meet with Tina at the doctor 's storage unit to take some files that Stella had at our house . After we finished up there , we stopped at Discount Tires . I had found some suspicious marks on two of the tires on the truck and wanted to have them checked before we leave on our trip . The young man there told me that the indentions on the tires are completely normal , caused by the " clamshell " design of the tire mold . He said that a bulge would have been much more serious , but what I had found were nothing to worry about . He did suggest that since my tires are 4 years old , we might want to look at installing new tires since we are going to be on a long trip this summer . We decided to buy the Michelin tires and made an appointment to have the new tires installed on Friday morning . We stopped at the Sam 's club store to look around since we were in the neighborhood . When we started for home , Stella noticed that Popeye 's Fried Chicken had a 5 piece dinner that she wanted for supper . We came on home and stayed here until we went to Cam 's baseball game at 8 o ' clock . While sitting at the dining table , Stella noticed some green parrots feeding at my bird feeder that I had put up . There is a large flock of the green parrots that stay near the park , but this is the first time I have seen them at the feeder . Sadly Cam and his teammates apparently had their minds elsewhere because they got blown out 14 - 0 . None of the boys played well , although there were a few good plays . They have two more games to play and then go into the playoffs to detemine the league champion . We came back to the trailer and I took some Motrin for my back pain and Stella put a heat strip on my back . I was able to lay down in the bed for a change instead of spending the night in my recliner . So long for now , My back bothered me all night and I stayed up most of the night . Stella had told the boys that we would take them to school this morning but I didn 't feel like going . She took the truck and took both of them to school . Cameron has to be in school at 7 : 30 but Tyler doesn 't have to be there until 8 : 15 , so she had to make two trips to the schools . By the time she got back , I was feeling a little better and I soon went over to the house and got some of her work papers that had been stored in the garage . She called and made us an appointment to meet one of the girls in Dr . Merritt 's office to put the papers in her storage unit tomorrow . After leaving the house , I went and got some fuel for the truck . I went to the Conoco in Dickinson - they had the best prices - and got 22 . 3 gallons @ $ 2 . 09 per gallon to go 387 . 8 miles for a 17 . 4 MPG average . I washed the truck off and cleaned up the trailer when I got back . We went over to Liggio 's in Dickinson to pick up the Blazer . We had left it last week to have a transmission cooler leak fixed . It was good to see Jasper and Vincent Liggio again . I have been friends with them for many years and Jasper was on the City Council when I went to work for the Dickinson Police Dept . in 1982 . I got my truck inspected , so now we are ready to go on our long trip with a fresh inspection sticker and new tags . Jasper gave me some conduit to protect my horn wires and tubing , which was nice of him . Stella and I got hungry about 2 and ate some leftovers that were in the fridge , so we didn 't eat supper . I worked on my blog all evening , to catch up from last week , and never really got hungry . We did eat some sugar - free ice cream about 9 : 30 . Another nice day in the RV park . Today was the day that everyone ( but us ) had to leave and go home . Stella made some pigs in a blanket for breakfast , so we took them over about 10 . Larry and Jodi were ready to leave , so they didn 't have breakfast with us . We watched the others get packed up and leave , so Stella and I were on our own again . We went down to Kim 's house to celebrate Mother 's Day with them . We took some games with us , and played with the boys all afternoon . We played Mexicantrain in the afternoon and Triominoes after we ate . Jeremy made some lasagna and garlic bread and Stella made one of her ice cream sandwich desserts , so we had plenty to eat . The boys enjoyed playing the games , and we went home about 9 . They had to get ready for school the next morning of course . Saturday morning we made another of our big breakfasts of biscuits and gravy , sausage , bacon and eggs . We had lots of food , so everyone got filled up . Ricky and Dee fished some behind their trailer during the day but didn 't catch anything . They talked to one of their neighbors , who agreed to put some lights out that night for them to fish at night with . We all just sat around during the day , visiting and watching Ricky and Dee fishing . Stella and I went to Cam 's baseball game Saturday afternoon and got back about 6 : 30 . Bill had brought some catfish fillets to fry up and Ricky went to Hillman 's and bought some shrimp to throw in . We ended up with the fish and shrimp , hush puppies , fried potatoes and some slaw salad for a delicious supper . We all ate ' til we were stuffed , and again watched Ricky and Dee fish behind their rig . Their neighbor did set out some lights , but it didn 't do any good and they didn 't catch anything . We were all too full to sit out very late tonight , so we all turned in about 9 : 30 . Today we all woke and went to Bill and Ornell 's trailer for pancakes for our breakfast . Ricky and Dee brought bacon to go with the pancakes and we brought juice and other side items . Larry and Jodi did bring their rig over in the afternoon , and got everything set up for the weekend . They too were in a back - in site on the water , near the other two rigs . Bill had a doctor treatment to make , so the rest of us hung out until they got back . When they returned , we all went over to T - Bone Tom 's restaurant in Kemah . We called ahead and made reservations since there were eight of us eating out that night . The band they had tonight was terrible and the food was only so - so . It was really crowded , which is pretty normal for a weekend night , but the service was slow . Ricky had asked the waitress about an appetizer , but she never answered his question ( she didn 't get much of a tip from us ) While eating , we saw several police cars , two ambulances and three fire trucks speeding by , going south on Hwy . 146 . We later found out that there had been a very bad accident with three fatalities . We were all sorry to learn about it and just glad it wasn 't us that were involved . We came back to the park and sat outside between the two trailers , again until the skeeters got bad and chased us back inside , but it was a very nice night for us . I woke this morning to a cloudy morning . I used the time to wash the truck and trailer . When I got finished , I came back inside and watched some television until about 3 o ' clock when Bill and Ornell and Ricky and Dee arrived at the park . Ricky and Dee have been wanting to go somewhere to fish and decided to come here . They got into two waterfront sites , # 44 and 45 , so they could fish right behind their rigs . Stella had made some 15 bean soup with some added sausage that she had bought at Froberg 's , so they wouldn 't have to cook when they arrived . She fixed some cornbread to go with the beans , so we had a great meal . Dee had called our friends Larry and Jodi to come over to visit . They liked the park and said they might come back tomorrow with their trailer . We all sat outside their rigs until the mosquitoes got bad about 10 o ' clock , but we all enjoyed our time together . Another nice night in the park . Tuesday was a very slow day for us . We stayed at the trailer all day and went to Cameron 's baseball game at 8 o ' clock . They managed to win the game 10 - 6 but the season is almost over for them . Wednesday , Stella had made arrangements to go to Eric 's office to work with him . Before that , she did some work here at home for the other clients , and I took her to work about 12 : 30 . I came back home and hung out here until she called me about 3 : 30 to come pick her up . We went over to Froberg 's Farms in Alvin and bought some good vegetables there . They have a big farm and have farmhands that pick and harvest their veggies and then sell them in a big market . They have been there for years and are pretty famous in the Alvin area . We both got hungry from looking at all the yummy veggies , so we decided to go to Kelly 's for burgers tonight . We returned home and put our purchases away and watched television until bedtime . We woke to cool temperatures this morning , but it warmed up soon enough . We had our coffee and cereal for breakfast and watched a little television this morning . Let me tell you , there is nothing on the regular TV channels ! Stella was working on some of her client 's work , so I decided to drive over to Santa Fe to the Dish Network store there . We had used a Dish Network system a few years ago , so I knew Hal , the man who owned this dealership was trustworthy . He was out doing an installation so I made an appointment to come in this afternoon to look at the plans he has . I went by Ron Carter Dodge in Texas City to speak to my long time friend Barry Caylor . Barry used to work for Gay Pontiac / GMC in Dickinson , and I had a service related question to ask him about my truck . I have noticed a drop in oil pressure and that the oil pressure gauge is quivering or fluctuating at times . I changed over to synthetic oil a few oil changes ago and was not satisfied with the performance of the synthetic and switch back and noticed this problem . Barry told me that it was normal for pressure to drop after using synthetic because of a Teflon - like film that covers all working parts in the engine . This sounds like a good thing to me , but he said that synthetics can cause a lot of problems with internal parts and are a lower density oil than what is recommended by the manufacturers . He said to stay with the quality conventional oil and no further problems should be found . He also said the quivering pressure gauge could be either a bad sending unit or a bad gauge . I returned to the trailer and picked Stella up to go to Hal 's TV in Santa Fe . When we got there , we looked at his offerings and took the 200 channel package as well as the HD package . Now I will have over 250 channels to choose from including over 50 HD channels . This is our only entertainment , so we decided to go for it . Hal will be over on Thursday morning to do the installation for us . We were both hungry ( I guess spending money makes us hungry ) so we stopped at Kelly 's in LaMarPosted by We only had time to drink a little bit of coffee and eat some cereal this morning before Jeremy called and wanted to go to the house to work . We got there about 10 but Kim wasn 't with him . She is still having a problem with us leaving , but I thought we had worked it all out . Guess I was wrong . . . . . I started cutting the grass , Jeremy started taking the deck apart and cutting the boards up to be picked up by the trash service and Stella kept working in the back bedroom . The grass was real high because it has been about three weeks since it has been cut and with all the rain we have gotten it has grown a lot . Hopefully , this is the last time I will have to cut the grass , so it is a historic occasion for me . I cut and edged the entire front in a little over an hour and a half , using Jeremy 's new Honda mower . I have never seen a lawn mower that starts as easy as the Honda . If I were going to be mowing in the future , I would have to get one of these . The only problem that I see with it is that is has a very narrow cutting deck . I like a wider deck to cover more grass . The old deck came up very easy because most of the nails had rusted out . The deck boards were in surprisingly good shape , considering they have been down for 23 years ! Some of the boards were rotten of course , but many of them were in good condition and could probably have been resurfaced and reused . He is going to remove the deck and the framing around the hot tub , but will keep the deck next to the house including the arbor , which is also in good condition . We put some of the boards out by the street to see if the trash service will pick them up . If not , Jeremy thinks he can get a trailer to haul the rest off to the Biosphere in Texas City . There they will be ground up and made into mulch which will be returned to him . Stella made some good progress in the bedroom . She found a few long sleeved shirts and a couple of light weight sweaters for me and a coat for herself . These will come in handy in our future travels and in the winter . Delia came over to pick uPosted by Friday we took care of Stella 's car that we had left in the driveway at the house . She had a new radiator put in just before I retired , and a leak had developed at the transmission cooler which caused all the fluid to leak out on the driveway . We stopped by the house and picked up a set of keys to the car and dropped them off at Liggio 's Goodyear to have the follow - up work done . It was good to see Michael Liggio again and to catch up on some local news that we had missed . Stella had to go to see her clients , so she went to Dr . Gulde 's office in Dickinson , to Dr . Merritt 's clinic in Webster and to Eric 's office in Webster . All of this running around took the rest of the day , so we went over to Manvel to check on fuel prices . There had been a price war going on between some of the Alvin stations and the Chevron in Manvel , so we went to check on prices . The best price was at the Wal Mart in Alvin , which is on our way back home , so we stopped in and got diesel there . We took 20 . 3 gallons to go 374 . 7 miles for an 18 . 4 mpg average . We ended up paying $ 1 . 96 per gallon , so we did save $ . 03 per gallon . Not too much of a saving , but some . We probably won 't do this again . We returned home and Stella made us tacos for our supper . Saturday morning we woke and started drinking our coffee and thinking about fixing breakfast when my phone rang . It was Ricky asking if we wanted to drive over to Galveston with them . I found out that we did want to go , so they came by and picked us up . We spent a very pleasant day with them , driving over to the Bolivar peninsula to see how much damage was left and to check on camping / fishing sites there . While there are several homes that have been repaired and seem to be back to normal , there are many , many more that are still damaged or gone completely . The Bolivar area has changed a lot since I have been over there , and since the storm , we found that most of the area has been destroyed . The folks over there are making do the best they can without most of the stores and restaurants that were there bPosted by |
Bill had told me that he went to the donut shop in the morning to drink coffee and visit with his friends . I told him that I had heard of a donut shop but had never been in one . . . . . LOL . I did intend to get up and go with him and woke up in time but came in the living room and went back to sleep in my chair and didn 't get up to go with him . Bill and I went to the Petro so that I could buy a CB radio for our trip . When we got there , they had a nice Cobra radio on sale but had sold out of them . They had the Wilson antenna that I wanted but not the radio . We went to the Flying J on I - 10 in Orange to get the items I needed . TxDOT has I - 10 under construction between Bridge City and Orange , so we were delayed about 45 minutes . The bad thing was , they have the road barricaded off but no one was working on the highway . the only workers out there were off the road on the new section of road and nowhere near the actual road . Before we got to the store , Bill got hungry and took me to a barbecue restaurant that has some of the best barbecue I have ever eaten . We went over to the Flying J store and found the radio I wanted , a Cobra 29LTD . This is the standard radio used by truckers and should be everything I need for traveling . Flying J didn 't have the antenna I want , so we will have to go back to Petro tomorrow to get it . As a demonstration of how a CB radio can come in handy , Bill had turned his on when we got held up on the freeway to find out what the problem was and which lane was blocked . We came back to Bill 's house and both of us took a nap this afternoon . Stella had made some beef soup and a loaf of bread for supper but no one was hungry yet . Ornell had decided to work graveyard shift tonight for a little extra money for out trip , so we all decided to wait a little while to eat . After we ate , we sat outside on the back porch until Ornell needed to go in and try to sleep before she had to go to work . I watched television and played on the computer until almost midnight before I went to bed . I guess I 'm getting used to beingPosted by We got up early this morning because Stella has to go to one of the doctor 's offices to meet with her . We also had to close everything up for the service technician to work on the trailer this morning . We got everything done and were away from the store a little after 8 . We went to Dr . Longmire 's office in Hitchcock for Stella 's meeting with Dr . Gulde . I sat in the truck with Cassie and read a book while she was inside . At least the weather wasn 't too bad and I was able to remain fairly comfortable while waiting . Cassie slept through the whole thing . When she got through , we went by Dr . Gulde 's office so she could give some papers to Jackie there . We then went by the house and picked up our mail and to visually check on it . We get an amazing amount of junk mail addressed to occupant or resident . When she got through , we started to go by Dr . Merritt 's clinic in Webster but found out that the work wasn 't ready so we started to go back to CW to get the trailer . Along the way , we got a call that the rig was ready , so we hurried back to get the trailer . When we got to the store , we went in and signed the papers for the repairs . They had not been able to correct the problem with the landing jack because they had to order a part , but we were assured that it should work during our trip without a failure . I went in and bought a part for my new sewer hose , so we are good to go now . We went out and hooked up the trailer and left . We had called Bill to tell him that we are on our way to his house . He fixed us some shrimp etoufee for our supper . When we got to his house , he helped to guide me into the parking space where we will be this week . After taking a break to cool off , we ate our supper and sat around on his back porch until we went in for the night . Stella woke me up this morning putting things away in preparation for leaving this morning . I went outside and got most of the outside things done early . We had a few more boxes to take to storage , so I took them over after the gates opened at 7 . I stopped off at the Valero and picked us up a couple of breakfast croissants and brought them back . What a guy I am , to fix breakfast for my wife ! Ricky and Tommy came over and helped me get the porch down . Three pairs of hands made quick work of taking it down . We got it stacked up in the back of the truck and I continued to work outside . Somehow the power cord for my computer had broken . It looks like it was cut , but I think I may have accidentally put the chair leg down on it , cutting it . Ricky and I repaired it and checked it out . It 's working ! Yippee . . . . . We got away a little before 10 to go to Camping World to have some minor issues taken care of . We made good time through Houston and got there right about 11 o ' clock , which was right on time . I found out that they had overbooked on service work but since we had an appointment , they will get our work done . We set up the electricity and water , so we will be comfortable when we come back to the trailer this afternoon and will spend the night in the back lot . That way , we 'll be right there for tomorrow 's repairs to be made . We stopped off at a Best Buy store to check on the power cord . I learned that they have an after - market power cord that only powers the computer but doesn 't charge the battery . I really want one that does both but will have to go back to the manufacturer for that . We went to the HEB grocery store and bought several items that the boys had used up , including milk and cereal . Those boys can sure put the food away ! We returned to the trailer in the CW parking lot and hung out for the afternoon . It sucks not to have our Dish TV antenna set up , but that 's a little too much trouble and besides that , its just one more thing to put away in the morning . Stella had some more work to do anyway , so we just stayed hPosted by I woke up pretty early and went outside to see Ted and Donna off . They were supposed to leave at 7 : 30 and were right on time . I helped Ted check his tire inflation . He had a problem with his tire gauge and I brought mine over to finish up . We will see them again in Ohio or Indiana next month and go on our multi - state trip with them . Ricky needed to go to Camperland to look for a part for his oven vent . His vent had broken off and he was looking for a screen to cover it so no bugs or bees will get in . They didn 't have anything but I did buy some replacement bulbs for the light under the counter over the sink . When we got back to the trailer , I got real energetic and feeling very mechanical , changed out the burned out bulb . The boys had spent the night again , even though today was a school day . This is the last two full days of school and both had missed school before now , so they weren 't getting any perfect attendance awards , so they stayed here . Jeremy has a meeting this morning in the Woodlands and will pick them up when he 's through . I went swimming with Cameron again and we had fun playing horses with the basketball and throwing the football across the pool . We also went into the hot tub which made my back feel much better . We went back into the pool and I got tired of all the bugs in the pool . Cam found a small net and I swept up a pound or so of dead bugs out of the pool . Jeremy was coming to pick the boys up about 11 , so we got out of the pool and they gathered up all their stuff . This may be the last time we get to spend time with the boys before we leave and we won 't be back in Houston until October . This is all assuming that the house sale goes through . If it doesn 't , we 'll be back to try to sell it again . This afternoon , Stella wanted to get her hair cut ( I offered to do it for her but she declined ) and to get a pedicure ( another offer ) . I took her to the new Kroger shopping center and found two shops right beside each other to take care of her . I dropped her off and went back when she was done . We just hung Posted by I got up this morning and went outside about 7 , which is my usual activity when we are in a large group . I like to watch the early morning activities of all those that must leave today . Not many were out this early but the buzz of activity soon started . The kids were still out on their skates , skate boards , bikes or other wheeled vehicles , so I still had to be careful walking across the road without looking first . Cameron and I played a game of ping pong and he beat me 21 - 19 ! I guess I have to give up my crown to him now . We had a nice time together . Cam , Tyler and I soon went for a swim in the pool for the first time this weekend . The water was surprisingly cold but we soon got used to it and enjoyed ourselves . We all got blistered in the hot sun , mine mostly on my bald head , but it was still fun . We came back to the trailer and hung out for the afternoon and went to Tommy and Susan 's for a cookout . Ted and Donna had some steaks , Stella made up some hamburger patties and some corn on the cob , but we also had sausage , chicken breasts , and Ricky and Dee brought out some sausage with jalapenos and bacon wrapped around them that were very good . We had plenty of food and everyone was full at the end of the meal . We sat around talking until about 10 . Dee and Susan had to go to work the next day and Ted and Donna are leaving for Lufkin where they will have some work done on their trailer and then on to Texarkana for the night . Today is the big Memorial Day celebration here at Rayford . I got up a little early and when the boys got up , I fixed them some cereal for their breakfast . There were a lot of activities for the kids in the park , and believe me , there are a million of them . Every kid has a bike , a skateboard - either motor powered or leg powered - skates or some sort of wheeled mode of transportation . Nobody loves kids more than I do , but it sure is hard to love them when they run you off into the grass to avoid a collision . Surprisingly , neither of the boys wanted to go fishing this morning . Of course , Tyler immediately went to the computer . Cameron didn 't want to go outside either , so they stayed in for the first part of the morning . I finally got them to go out and ride their ripsticks . One of our Boomer friends , Mike Ellerbrock , came by and tried to ride with the boys , but he gave up before he fell and broke something . We had a nice visit with Mike and Barb before the threatened rain chased them away . I got the boys to go for a walk around the park with me . Tyler rode his ripstick and Cam walked with me . When we got to the back part of the park , Tyler took a bad spill and of course , it was Cameron 's fault - Tyler 's version . Tyler did have to avoid Cam when he passed him going downhill , but he lost it when he hit a wet spot on the concrete , and made him fall . Stella went down and played Candy Bar Bingo and surprised all by winning most of the candy . She threatened all of us over trying to get her Kit Kat , but said the boys could have the Hershey 's candies . We went over to the Rayford room where they served a coney island / frito pie dinner . All the guests had to bring was a dessert and a drink . We got there early and had our dogs , and then invaded the desserts . We should have waited because other desserts that came in later looked very good . It had rained pretty hard for fifteen minutes or so , which made a lot of folks late to come down , so we may have missed out on something delicious but we still had plenty to eat . Cameron and I played a Posted by I slept a little later again this morning . We met Ted and Donna and Tommy and Susan for the park - furnished breakfast of pancakes and sausage . As usual it was very good . We sat around chatting until about 9 : 30 and came back home . Those straight back chairs make my back tighten up , so I went in and turned on the vibrating heating pad and that fixed me right up . Bob had come back over this morning , and we all went over to check out a vendor that had come to the park this morning with some pulled pork sandwiches . Bob was hungry and bought one . He said it was okay but not anything special . Soon after , Stella went to the grocery store with Ted and Donna to pick up things for hamburgers that we were making this afternoon . I stayed in the trailer and took a very short nap while they were gone . Hey , someone could have been watching to see when we left so they could break in and steal something . I had to stay and take care of things around here . Tommy & Susan and Stella & I went over to the Country Place RV Park in Cut N Shoot to see the small group of Boomers that had gone there for the holiday weekend . Eddie and Kelly Rogers had set it up and Ricky and Dee & Bernest and Pauleen had all gotten together this weekend for the fishing and fellowship . While we were there , I saw Steve and Evelyn Simmons , some old friends from the Boomers . Also there with them were Ed and Sharon Bowen , also from the Boomers . Steve said he has a couple more years to go before he can retire , but Ed and Sharon are retiring next week ! Sharon is a schoolteacher and will retire at the end of this school year ( 7 days ) and Ed has been a forklift mechanic and will semi - retire in 15 days . Ed and I have stayed in touch by email and occasionally ran into each other in an RV park where we were for a weekend . He had heard about my retirement from Gwen at Rayford . It was good to see old friends , and hopefully we 'll continue to see them on the road . They plan to sell their house and full time as we are doing . Ted and Donna had stayed in the park because they were Posted by I slept in this morning for the first time in awhile , until about 7 : 30 . I got some pigs in a blanket for my breakfast this morning , so it started out well . I went out and set up the new - looking porch and steps . The new powder coating looks great and I recommend it to anyone that wants a nice smooth finish that seems to last forever . Ted arrived about 10 : 30 , so I went over and visited with him while he got set up . Donna was not with him right now , but will come over with the many items they will take with them on their long trip . She took just about everything out of the freezer and all the perishables in the pantry and fridge . We will be gone until October , so there is no reason the leave them behind . Just before Ted arrived , Tommy Hathcock had arrived . He didn 't have a tow vehicle with him , so it didn 't take him long to get set up . His most difficult job was getting the dish antenna on the roof aligned to pick up the satellites . We just piddled around the park , watching all the others arriving . This will be a big weekend here in the park , and I 'm sure that just about every kid in Houston will be here . It 's fun to watch others get set up . One fifth wheel trailer came in and hit one of the large rocks at the corner in front of the laundry room . The driver apparently didn 't know he had hit the rock because he dragged it for a long way before he got stopped . I was inside at the time but Ted was outside and saw it as it happened . He went over and helped the man get the rock out . Luckily for him , there was no damage to the trailer . Mike and Barb Ellerbrock arrived for a little reunion with their family . We visited with them for a little while , along with Mr . Webb and Vickie who were also down for the weekend . Things have really changed in the few months that we 've been gone . They now require a hanger on the mirror showing departure dates , arm bands on special weekends , and have started using Jimmy Fayard as the night security man . He patrols around in a golf cart to check on things , and now locks up the laundry room . SomeonPosted by Today we moved from Via Bayou RV Park back to Rayford for the Memorial day weekend . I got up and after eating breakfast , went outside and started putting things away . I got most of the " yard art " and bird feeders put up and came inside to see how Stella was coming with her work for the clients . She was making good progress , and when she got through she went to Dr . Merritt 's clinic in Webster to drop off some files because we didn 't want to further clutter the trailer with things we didn 't need . It took her longer than we expected and she called me about 12 : 30 to come pick her up at the house . We are leaving her car in the driveway for now . When the house sells , she will bring it to her house or put it in a parking lot to sell it for us . We have talked about giving the car to Tyler for his first car , but I 'm certain that he is going to want a new car , probably a Mustang or Corvette . . . . We finally left the park about 2 : 30 and made the long trip of about 50 miles , to Rayford . We made it in without incident and visited with Gwen for awhile when we got here . It feels like home here , and I guess it always will . This is beyond a doubt , the nicest park that we have visited , and our favorite park IN THE WORLD ! ! ! I got all set up except for the porch and the Dish antenna when I discovered that my phone had died and would not come back on . I had noticed it being off while driving up here and had plugged it in , thinking that it may have become discharged , but it was not to be . . . . . . . time for a new phone . We went to the AT & T store near the Kroger where Stella had bought her new phone a few months ago . They were still open and fixed me up with a new Motorola Razor that is similar to my old phone , only with some new features . I also got a new bluetooth headset so I will be ready if / when a new " handsfree phone operation " law comes into being . I think this will happen , so I want to be ready when it does . We met Bob Wurch at Donnelly 's Pizza for supper . We had a nice visit at one of our favorite pizza places . They have a great buffetPosted by We didn 't do much on Tuesday , just stayed in and Stella worked on doctor 's accounts . I took a couple of walks around the park , and visited with some of the other residents here . This is such a laid back place , and most of the residents work - probably in the plants in Texas City . There are a few full - time RV ' ers in here and several of them have lived here for a year or more . We will likely come back here , but the next time we will pay the difference and get a waterfront site with the nice views across the bayou . I watched the season finale of NCIS Tuesday night . Even though they don 't portray the real world of law enforcement , I can relate to some of the characters . I really miss the show NYPD Blue that went off a couple of years ago . Wednesday morning I got out and started cleaning things up and putting them away in preparation for leaving tomorrow . The birds have been eating a lot of birdseed , so I had to refill the feeder . I haven 't seen the green parrots since last week , but i know they are around here somewhere . I went over to Manvel to pick up my porch and stairs that had been powdercoated . They did a really good job and it should last us several years now . While in the area , I stopped and got fuel . They still have the lowest prices in the area in Alvin , so I went to Buccee 's and bought 22 . 6 gallons of diesel at $ 2 . 07 per gallon to go 357 . 5 miles for a 15 . 8 MPG average . I don 't know why the mileage has dropped off , but it 's still better than a gas engine . We went over to watch Tyler 's Willie Wonka play at his school tonight . It was a nice play , and Tyler did well as an Umpa Lumpa . We went to eat at Uncle Chan 's at Tyler 's request after the play was over . We had thought that the boys were coming to stay with us this weekend but Kim said they are going to Louisiana with her dad , and so they won 't be able to come visit us this weekend . We hope we 'll see them again before we leave . So long for now . Wow , what a change , it was 60 degrees outside this morning . Spring has returned , even if its for a few days . I made some cereal for my breakfast and watched Stella working on one of the doctor 's accounting . She wanted to go over to the house to drop some items off and to go through some other clothes , and to go to the county tax office to get new license tags for her Blazer so she could drive it . I went for a long walk around the park and came back to cool off before we left . We went to the tax office first and while there , I spoke with one of my former employees at Manvel , Steve Burt . Steve is getting a similar treatment to what I did in Manvel . He got hurt on the job back in December , twisting his foot and ankle . He said he reported it in a timely manner , and now , after being diagnosed as being permanently disabled by one of the city 's doctors , has been told that after his six months of sick leave / worker 's comp runs out , he will be terminated because he is no longer able to do the job . It is unbelievable how they treat their employees . We went by the house and while I cut the front grass , Stella worked on the back bedroom , cleaning it up . She filled up another large trash can and two bags full of clothes before I got hungry and we came back home to eat our supper . Tyler is playing Umpa Lumpa in the Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory play at his school tonight , but Cam has what may be his last baseball game at the same time . Tyler will be performing again on Wednesday night and said it was okay with him if we went to the ball game and came to watch him on Wednesday . We went to the ball game and like we were afraid , they lost 9 - 0 . I think the boys are just tired of playing and with school ending next week , their minds are not on a ball game . Jeremy is still getting the run - around by his financier for the house , and now has to wait on an appraiser to get two other comparative houses in my neighborhood . It seems to me that this should have been done a long time ago , but as Stella pointed out , with the deregulation oPosted by The boys spent the night , so it was pretty crowded in the living room until they woke up and folded up their bed . While they were getting out of bed and getting ready , I took down the steps and porch . I had located a friend of mine who is doing powder coating in his shop behind his house . I had run into Bobby when I went over and had coffee in Manvel last week and had made arrangements to take the metal items over to have them coated . When the boys got up and about , we drove over to the house where Bobby is living . It turns out that he is living with another man I know , Scott Van Dusen , in Manvel . I have known Scott for many years and know he is very competent . I have seen a lot of his work on both his own vehicles and on MAVFD trucks and know Scott is very talented . When we got to his house , he invited me into his shop and showed me some of his work . He told me he puts three coats of powder on his items , and they are absolutely gorgeous when he gets through with them . I am excited about the finish on the porch , and am only worried about the time it is going to take to finish them before we are ready to leave . After we dropped the porch off , we returned to Alvin where we stopped at Joe 's Breakfast buffet . I had seen the signs for the buffet for a long time but we had never had a reason to come to Alvin for breakfast until now . The food was very good but there was a problem with the manpower in the restaurant . There were few servers and wait staff , and we had to finally just call someone over to our table to order the boy 's drinks . The food was good but not great , and I would recommend that anyone in the area that wants a good breakfast buffet to try it . They may have had a bad employee day today , and it may be all better the next time . We returned to the trailer and played games all afternoon . The boys wanted to stay and didn 't want to go home , even when Jeremy called and said he had fixed some ham and scalloped potatoes for supper . Jeremy 's supper was good , and we all had plenty to eat . We stayed for a little longer Posted by We stayed in the trailer again this morning and Stella worked on client 's work again . My back was still bothering me , so I sat in the recliner on the heating / vibrating pad to try to make it feel better . It has been bothering me for over a week now . I don 't know how I injured myself , but it 's not a muscle pull , it feels more like a strain of some sort . We went to Cameron 's first playoff game this afternoon , and luckily for them , they won ! The final score was 12 - 3against a team that they had beaten three times before . Our boys looked pretty good so far , but it is a single elimination playoff , so one loss and they are out . We all went to eat at Gringo 's restaurant , one of our favorite Mexican food restaurants . After eating , we took the boys to their house where they picked up some clothes and came home with MeMaw and PePaw . Of course , Tyler immediately found my laptop and started playing games online . We monitor the sites he goes to and are careful that he doesn 't go into an innapropriate site , even if by accident . We all got a good night 's sleep , but I 'm not sure how late Tyler was up playing on the computer . Til next time . . . . Stella got up pretty early and went to DeMontrond Chevy in Texas City to pick up Kim . She had dropped off her car for some warranty work to be done and needed a ride to work . It sure makes it easier to have both cars again . If not , I would have had to dress and drive over to pick her up , and as it was , I stayed here with Cassie and watched television . After Stella got back , we stayed around the trailer until time to go to Discount Tires for the new tires for the truck . We met with Lupe , the young man we had talked to before about the new tires . He had told me that the BF Goodrich tires we had on the truck were as good a tire as the Michelins we were looking at , but the Michelins would be quieter , so this is the way we went . They got right on the tire change and didn 't find any other problems , so we were on our way in about an hour . The technician that moved the truck did discover the air horn and had a good time with it in the parking lot . That 's what it 's there for guys . . . . . We went by the house to get the mail and at the same time , I went in and got our old shredder . Stella had several old documents that needed to be shredded before they were discarded , so after we came back home , I sat outside and got the job done . I filled up just about half the park 's dumpster with shreds of reports and other documents , but now it 's done and we 're not taking up valuable storage space with 10 - 15 year old documents . That chore took up a couple of hours in the afternoon . Stella had been steadily working on other work for her clients , so we took a lunch break about 2 o ' clock . I ate the last two pieces of leftover fish which filled me up . We went by the Post Office in Dickinson to drop off some mail that had to be postmarked today and went to pick up Kim at work to take her back to her car at the dealership . We went to pick up Tyler at his school , where he was practicing for a play . He is playing Umpa Lumpa in the Willie Wonka play next week . Jeremy had picked up Cameron , so we went to their house and took both boys to eat some burgePosted by Stella had to meet Dr . Gulde this morning to go to Houston for an appeal hearing from a former employee who is appealing her termination . They have already been to the termination hearing and the finding was in the doctor 's favor , but this ex - employee has appealed . I stayed at home and did chores around here . I took care of Cassie , put away some of my stuff that I brought over from the house and cleaned up some around here . Of course , I took a couple of naps in my recliner , but that 's one of the luxuries of being retired . Stella was gone longer than we had expected , but when she returned , she fixed us a new dish for us , hot dogs with sauerkraut . They were very good , better than I expected them to be . After the late lunch , we stayed around here until time to go to Cameron 's baseball game . His team got blown out again , 12 - 4 . They are apparently getting tired of the baseball season and didn 't score a run until the last inning . Tomorrow is the last game of the regular season , so we 'll see how they do in the playoffs . Til next time . Today was another stay at the trailer while Stella works days . She had made arrangements to go to Dr . Merritt 's clinic in Webster today and left here about 10 . She stayed there all morning but came home about 2 with hamburgers for our lunch . I love Whataburgers ! Stella had made arrangements to meet with Dr . Merritt this afternoon and left about 4 to go to her office . I cleaned up a little more in the trailer while she was gone . A little after 5 , Cameron called me and asked if we could come back over to play some games with them tonight . How could I refuse when he asked me " Please come over PePaw ? " I called Stella just as she was leaving the office and she met me over at Kim 's house . Looking back on it , I shouldn 't have gone because I got beaten badly in Tri - ominoes . I had to pick up every domino in the " bone pile " after I couldn 't play right off the bat . It was bad . . . . . We came home and my back started bothering me again . I took some more Motrin but spent another sleepless night in my recliner . I don 't know what I 've done to my back , but I wish it would fix itself . Without insurance I can 't afford to go to the doctor and have very expensive x - rays or MRI 's run . Kids , take a lesson from me and try your best to have some kind of insurance coverage when you retire ! So long for now , Today we stayed at the trailer in the morning . We both ate cereal for breakfast and watched television . Stella needed to work on client 's work today , so she took care of their business . She called Dr . Merritt 's office and made arrangements to meet with Tina at the doctor 's storage unit to take some files that Stella had at our house . After we finished up there , we stopped at Discount Tires . I had found some suspicious marks on two of the tires on the truck and wanted to have them checked before we leave on our trip . The young man there told me that the indentions on the tires are completely normal , caused by the " clamshell " design of the tire mold . He said that a bulge would have been much more serious , but what I had found were nothing to worry about . He did suggest that since my tires are 4 years old , we might want to look at installing new tires since we are going to be on a long trip this summer . We decided to buy the Michelin tires and made an appointment to have the new tires installed on Friday morning . We stopped at the Sam 's club store to look around since we were in the neighborhood . When we started for home , Stella noticed that Popeye 's Fried Chicken had a 5 piece dinner that she wanted for supper . We came on home and stayed here until we went to Cam 's baseball game at 8 o ' clock . While sitting at the dining table , Stella noticed some green parrots feeding at my bird feeder that I had put up . There is a large flock of the green parrots that stay near the park , but this is the first time I have seen them at the feeder . Sadly Cam and his teammates apparently had their minds elsewhere because they got blown out 14 - 0 . None of the boys played well , although there were a few good plays . They have two more games to play and then go into the playoffs to detemine the league champion . We came back to the trailer and I took some Motrin for my back pain and Stella put a heat strip on my back . I was able to lay down in the bed for a change instead of spending the night in my recliner . So long for now , My back bothered me all night and I stayed up most of the night . Stella had told the boys that we would take them to school this morning but I didn 't feel like going . She took the truck and took both of them to school . Cameron has to be in school at 7 : 30 but Tyler doesn 't have to be there until 8 : 15 , so she had to make two trips to the schools . By the time she got back , I was feeling a little better and I soon went over to the house and got some of her work papers that had been stored in the garage . She called and made us an appointment to meet one of the girls in Dr . Merritt 's office to put the papers in her storage unit tomorrow . After leaving the house , I went and got some fuel for the truck . I went to the Conoco in Dickinson - they had the best prices - and got 22 . 3 gallons @ $ 2 . 09 per gallon to go 387 . 8 miles for a 17 . 4 MPG average . I washed the truck off and cleaned up the trailer when I got back . We went over to Liggio 's in Dickinson to pick up the Blazer . We had left it last week to have a transmission cooler leak fixed . It was good to see Jasper and Vincent Liggio again . I have been friends with them for many years and Jasper was on the City Council when I went to work for the Dickinson Police Dept . in 1982 . I got my truck inspected , so now we are ready to go on our long trip with a fresh inspection sticker and new tags . Jasper gave me some conduit to protect my horn wires and tubing , which was nice of him . Stella and I got hungry about 2 and ate some leftovers that were in the fridge , so we didn 't eat supper . I worked on my blog all evening , to catch up from last week , and never really got hungry . We did eat some sugar - free ice cream about 9 : 30 . Another nice day in the RV park . Today was the day that everyone ( but us ) had to leave and go home . Stella made some pigs in a blanket for breakfast , so we took them over about 10 . Larry and Jodi were ready to leave , so they didn 't have breakfast with us . We watched the others get packed up and leave , so Stella and I were on our own again . We went down to Kim 's house to celebrate Mother 's Day with them . We took some games with us , and played with the boys all afternoon . We played Mexicantrain in the afternoon and Triominoes after we ate . Jeremy made some lasagna and garlic bread and Stella made one of her ice cream sandwich desserts , so we had plenty to eat . The boys enjoyed playing the games , and we went home about 9 . They had to get ready for school the next morning of course . Saturday morning we made another of our big breakfasts of biscuits and gravy , sausage , bacon and eggs . We had lots of food , so everyone got filled up . Ricky and Dee fished some behind their trailer during the day but didn 't catch anything . They talked to one of their neighbors , who agreed to put some lights out that night for them to fish at night with . We all just sat around during the day , visiting and watching Ricky and Dee fishing . Stella and I went to Cam 's baseball game Saturday afternoon and got back about 6 : 30 . Bill had brought some catfish fillets to fry up and Ricky went to Hillman 's and bought some shrimp to throw in . We ended up with the fish and shrimp , hush puppies , fried potatoes and some slaw salad for a delicious supper . We all ate ' til we were stuffed , and again watched Ricky and Dee fish behind their rig . Their neighbor did set out some lights , but it didn 't do any good and they didn 't catch anything . We were all too full to sit out very late tonight , so we all turned in about 9 : 30 . Today we all woke and went to Bill and Ornell 's trailer for pancakes for our breakfast . Ricky and Dee brought bacon to go with the pancakes and we brought juice and other side items . Larry and Jodi did bring their rig over in the afternoon , and got everything set up for the weekend . They too were in a back - in site on the water , near the other two rigs . Bill had a doctor treatment to make , so the rest of us hung out until they got back . When they returned , we all went over to T - Bone Tom 's restaurant in Kemah . We called ahead and made reservations since there were eight of us eating out that night . The band they had tonight was terrible and the food was only so - so . It was really crowded , which is pretty normal for a weekend night , but the service was slow . Ricky had asked the waitress about an appetizer , but she never answered his question ( she didn 't get much of a tip from us ) While eating , we saw several police cars , two ambulances and three fire trucks speeding by , going south on Hwy . 146 . We later found out that there had been a very bad accident with three fatalities . We were all sorry to learn about it and just glad it wasn 't us that were involved . We came back to the park and sat outside between the two trailers , again until the skeeters got bad and chased us back inside , but it was a very nice night for us . I woke this morning to a cloudy morning . I used the time to wash the truck and trailer . When I got finished , I came back inside and watched some television until about 3 o ' clock when Bill and Ornell and Ricky and Dee arrived at the park . Ricky and Dee have been wanting to go somewhere to fish and decided to come here . They got into two waterfront sites , # 44 and 45 , so they could fish right behind their rigs . Stella had made some 15 bean soup with some added sausage that she had bought at Froberg 's , so they wouldn 't have to cook when they arrived . She fixed some cornbread to go with the beans , so we had a great meal . Dee had called our friends Larry and Jodi to come over to visit . They liked the park and said they might come back tomorrow with their trailer . We all sat outside their rigs until the mosquitoes got bad about 10 o ' clock , but we all enjoyed our time together . Another nice night in the park . Tuesday was a very slow day for us . We stayed at the trailer all day and went to Cameron 's baseball game at 8 o ' clock . They managed to win the game 10 - 6 but the season is almost over for them . Wednesday , Stella had made arrangements to go to Eric 's office to work with him . Before that , she did some work here at home for the other clients , and I took her to work about 12 : 30 . I came back home and hung out here until she called me about 3 : 30 to come pick her up . We went over to Froberg 's Farms in Alvin and bought some good vegetables there . They have a big farm and have farmhands that pick and harvest their veggies and then sell them in a big market . They have been there for years and are pretty famous in the Alvin area . We both got hungry from looking at all the yummy veggies , so we decided to go to Kelly 's for burgers tonight . We returned home and put our purchases away and watched television until bedtime . We woke to cool temperatures this morning , but it warmed up soon enough . We had our coffee and cereal for breakfast and watched a little television this morning . Let me tell you , there is nothing on the regular TV channels ! Stella was working on some of her client 's work , so I decided to drive over to Santa Fe to the Dish Network store there . We had used a Dish Network system a few years ago , so I knew Hal , the man who owned this dealership was trustworthy . He was out doing an installation so I made an appointment to come in this afternoon to look at the plans he has . I went by Ron Carter Dodge in Texas City to speak to my long time friend Barry Caylor . Barry used to work for Gay Pontiac / GMC in Dickinson , and I had a service related question to ask him about my truck . I have noticed a drop in oil pressure and that the oil pressure gauge is quivering or fluctuating at times . I changed over to synthetic oil a few oil changes ago and was not satisfied with the performance of the synthetic and switch back and noticed this problem . Barry told me that it was normal for pressure to drop after using synthetic because of a Teflon - like film that covers all working parts in the engine . This sounds like a good thing to me , but he said that synthetics can cause a lot of problems with internal parts and are a lower density oil than what is recommended by the manufacturers . He said to stay with the quality conventional oil and no further problems should be found . He also said the quivering pressure gauge could be either a bad sending unit or a bad gauge . I returned to the trailer and picked Stella up to go to Hal 's TV in Santa Fe . When we got there , we looked at his offerings and took the 200 channel package as well as the HD package . Now I will have over 250 channels to choose from including over 50 HD channels . This is our only entertainment , so we decided to go for it . Hal will be over on Thursday morning to do the installation for us . We were both hungry ( I guess spending money makes us hungry ) so we stopped at Kelly 's in LaMarPosted by We only had time to drink a little bit of coffee and eat some cereal this morning before Jeremy called and wanted to go to the house to work . We got there about 10 but Kim wasn 't with him . She is still having a problem with us leaving , but I thought we had worked it all out . Guess I was wrong . . . . . I started cutting the grass , Jeremy started taking the deck apart and cutting the boards up to be picked up by the trash service and Stella kept working in the back bedroom . The grass was real high because it has been about three weeks since it has been cut and with all the rain we have gotten it has grown a lot . Hopefully , this is the last time I will have to cut the grass , so it is a historic occasion for me . I cut and edged the entire front in a little over an hour and a half , using Jeremy 's new Honda mower . I have never seen a lawn mower that starts as easy as the Honda . If I were going to be mowing in the future , I would have to get one of these . The only problem that I see with it is that is has a very narrow cutting deck . I like a wider deck to cover more grass . The old deck came up very easy because most of the nails had rusted out . The deck boards were in surprisingly good shape , considering they have been down for 23 years ! Some of the boards were rotten of course , but many of them were in good condition and could probably have been resurfaced and reused . He is going to remove the deck and the framing around the hot tub , but will keep the deck next to the house including the arbor , which is also in good condition . We put some of the boards out by the street to see if the trash service will pick them up . If not , Jeremy thinks he can get a trailer to haul the rest off to the Biosphere in Texas City . There they will be ground up and made into mulch which will be returned to him . Stella made some good progress in the bedroom . She found a few long sleeved shirts and a couple of light weight sweaters for me and a coat for herself . These will come in handy in our future travels and in the winter . Delia came over to pick uPosted by Friday we took care of Stella 's car that we had left in the driveway at the house . She had a new radiator put in just before I retired , and a leak had developed at the transmission cooler which caused all the fluid to leak out on the driveway . We stopped by the house and picked up a set of keys to the car and dropped them off at Liggio 's Goodyear to have the follow - up work done . It was good to see Michael Liggio again and to catch up on some local news that we had missed . Stella had to go to see her clients , so she went to Dr . Gulde 's office in Dickinson , to Dr . Merritt 's clinic in Webster and to Eric 's office in Webster . All of this running around took the rest of the day , so we went over to Manvel to check on fuel prices . There had been a price war going on between some of the Alvin stations and the Chevron in Manvel , so we went to check on prices . The best price was at the Wal Mart in Alvin , which is on our way back home , so we stopped in and got diesel there . We took 20 . 3 gallons to go 374 . 7 miles for an 18 . 4 mpg average . We ended up paying $ 1 . 96 per gallon , so we did save $ . 03 per gallon . Not too much of a saving , but some . We probably won 't do this again . We returned home and Stella made us tacos for our supper . Saturday morning we woke and started drinking our coffee and thinking about fixing breakfast when my phone rang . It was Ricky asking if we wanted to drive over to Galveston with them . I found out that we did want to go , so they came by and picked us up . We spent a very pleasant day with them , driving over to the Bolivar peninsula to see how much damage was left and to check on camping / fishing sites there . While there are several homes that have been repaired and seem to be back to normal , there are many , many more that are still damaged or gone completely . The Bolivar area has changed a lot since I have been over there , and since the storm , we found that most of the area has been destroyed . The folks over there are making do the best they can without most of the stores and restaurants that were there bPosted by |
Eight year old Marissa watched with sad , tearful eyes as her mother 's coffin was lowered into the ground . She held onto her sister 's hand , but Sierra was only two so she was too young to understand what was happening . Marissa knew . She understood and she was so sad she could barely see through the tears streaming down her chubby cheeks . The pain in her tummy was making her feel like she wanted to throw up , but her father would get mad at her if she did that . It didn 't . She didn 't think anything would make her feel better . Her mother 's arms had always been soft , always inviting . Every time Marissa suspected that the monsters were hiding in her closet , about to invade her room , it was her mother who seemed to instinctively know that she was scared and would come in and sing to her until she fell asleep . Sierra 's hand tightened on hers and Marissa looked down . Her little sister might not understand , but she knew that Marissa was sad . Which made the tears flow down her baby cheeks as well . Marissa wiped the tears away and tried to smile down at her sister . Sierra didn 't need to understand . Marissa would protect her . And when Sierra started to get the monster visitors , Marissa knew that she could make the leap far enough from her bed so the toe - monsters couldn 't catch her . That way , she could go to her sister 's room and sing to Sierra until she fell asleep . She could do it , she told herself firmly . Sierra needed her now . Back at the house , Marissa breathed a sigh of relief that they were finally away from the cemetery . She didn 't like the idea of her mother there either , but she couldn 't ask her father to bring her home . Somehow , she knew that her father wouldn 't allow that , might even get angry with her . " Come on , Sierra , " Marissa coaxed . " Let 's go get some lemonade . " She took Sierra 's hand again and led her through the large house . In the back yard , set up beside the pool , there were four bar stations , all with her father 's men surrounding them . Her large , round eyes looked at the crowd , wondering which place might have the lemonade that Betty , her father 's housekeeper , had promised her . No one else was drinking lemonade so she wasn 't really sure where to go . She looked around , but everyone had a glass with a dark liquid in it , or a beer bottle . She knew all about the beer bottles because her mother used to complain about them filling up the garbage cans instead of the recycling bins . Betty put Sierra into her special chair , the one that gave her enough height to sit at the table while Marissa climbed onto one of the stools . In the middle of the table sat a large pitcher of lemonade and Betty poured them both a glass . " There you go , dears . I have some sandwiches for you as well . " Marissa sipped her lemonade while she watched the party unfold outside the kitchen windows . She saw her dad laughing at something someone just told him . Lots of men were around and only some women . The women didn 't look very sad about her mother " passing " , Marissa thought . She heard Betty sniffle behind them but nothing made sense today . It was such an odd feeling , knowing that she wouldn 't ever see her mother again . The only explanation people kept giving her was " Cancer " . She didn 't know who " Cancer " was or why that person was more important than they were . Surely " Cancer " should be more polite than to take her mother away . Marissa nibbled on the sandwich Betty placed in front of her , but watching her father laugh and joke with his friends had made her hunger disappear . For some reason , his laughter seemed to deepen the sad feelings she was trying to ignore . She wanted to yell at him , to stomp her feet and demand that he get rid of " Cancer " and bring her mother back . She didn 't do anything like that though . She 'd watched over the years and knew that no one yelled at her father . The one time Marissa had heard someone raise his voice to her father was Bruno Cordova . He 'd been a huge , ugly , mean guy . But that didn 't make sense either . Because her uncle Carl was pretty mean . He was always pinching her if she passed by him . She 'd learned to steer clear of him and would make sure he didn 't do that to Sierra either . It really hurt when he pinched her . With a sigh , she stared down at her half eaten sandwich , her tummy starting to hurt again . She looked at Sierra who was busy eating tiny bites of fruit . Sierra 's chubby cheeks crinkled into a smile as soon as she realized Marissa was looking at her . Blinking back the tears , she smiled as well . " It 's going to be okay , Sierra , " she whispered . Marissa sat next to her sister on the sofa , both of them watching a movie and relaxing . It had been a hard week with Sierra coming down with the flu first , then Marissa . Her father had actually left the house because he hated being around sick people which suited them just fine . The house was much quieter when he wasn 't around . Besides , they had Betty to help them out . " Have you chosen which school you want to go to ? " Sierra asked , her voice barely above a whisper . Both of them were pretty worn out from trying to fight this bug . Sierra lifted her head slowly from the pillow . " I 'm sorry , Mari . I thought you were a shoe - in for Northwestern . Do you know why they rejected you ? " " You should go , " Sierra stated firmly , sitting up and fighting the urge to rush to the bathroom again . " You 're smart , Mari . You shouldn 't let this opportunity pass you by . " Marissa smothered her sob , not wanting Sierra to know how desperately she wanted to get out of this house . Northwestern was only forty minutes away from where they lived so it wasn 't like she 'd even be very far away . But her father had put his foot down about attending anything other than a school close to home . Marissa thought about arguing with him , or even not arguing and just leaving the house and doing what she wanted , but she had no means to pay for school and no one would give her a loan or financial aid . Not with her father 's income . She could get a job , but the tuition , room and board at Northwestern was almost sixty thousand dollars for just one year of school . She couldn 't afford that unless her father was willing to pay . " The University of Chicago is a very good school , " Marissa countered . Sierra shook her head . " Yes , but it isn 't Northwestern where you deserve to go ! " She slumped down , her frustration showing . " Dad won 't let us do anything ! " she whispered furiously . At the same moment , Sierra and Marissa both looked at each other , a slow , mischievous grin spreading across their faces . " Do you think … ? " Sierra started to ask . Marissa was almost laughing because she 'd had the same thought . " Dad hates it when we 're sick , " Marissa continued . " I 'm sure there are sounds … " Both women bounded off the sofa , pushing any lingering symptoms aside so they could fashion their escape . With Marissa on the keyboard , they surfed through the Internet until they found wav files with just about any disgusting sound a sick person might make . They giggled as they made their plans , even figuring out how to wire small speakers to their beds as well as inside their bathrooms complete with remote controls . Sierra was the inspiration for the remotes saying that one of them needed to be outside the room if their father were to question the other 's sickness . " I think it 's perfect ! " Marissa said , stopping by an ATM machine to get cash . If they 'd learned one thing from their father , it was to never leave a paper trail . And since their father reviewed all of their credit card statements , it was best not to have their purchases create any questions . It took them over a week to set up all the equipment they 'd bought , not because there was a lot , but simply because they weren 't exactly sure how to wire all of the connections . Thankfully , their father didn 't ask any questions about their outings or silent bedroom activities . He was just relieved to be able to come back into his house . He 'd gone to Miami for " meetings " during their last bout with the flu . Marissa had to laugh the first time Sierra went to her middle school dance with her friends . She started becoming " ill " three days before , but didn 't miss any school . So on Friday night , when her father looked at her and saw the pale skin and white lips thanks to their creative makeup application , he stayed away . Betty reported back to him later that evening that she 'd heard vomiting in the bathroom . The following morning , Marissa was sitting at the breakfast table when Betty reported back to her father about more noises , knowing perfectly well that Sierra had spent a fabulous night out with her friends and had been home in bed by ten o ' clock . She was just sleeping in today . By Sunday , she 'd made a miraculous " recovery " . Zeke watched with growing frustration as the two older boys pushed the younger one around on the playground . A smarter kid probably would have just walked on by , but Zeke had been ridiculed all his life for both his enormous size and the tiny , dilapidated house he and his father lived in . He was sick of bullies . It didn 't matter if the abuse was physical or verbal , in Zeke 's mind , it was wrong . He 'd been heading home from the library which was a long walk and he still had about two more miles to go . It was almost dark so his dad would just be leaving for his job at the factory as a night janitor . Their town was dominated by the factory and its owners . The pay was pretty bad , the work conditions even worse but it kept the two of them fed . Zeke 's dad didn 't mind , as long as Zeke continued to thrive . Now that he was closer , he recognized all three of the boys . The older ones were Billy and Tommy while the younger one was less known to him , but Zeke recognized him as the son of the factory owner , Joshua Sanders . He was pretty skinny and probably about the same age as the two other boys , but smaller and wealthier , making the kid a prime target for bullies . Being the richest kid in the city had some disadvantages , he realized suddenly . " This is none of your business , Zeke . Just keep on walking . Or did you miss that dirty hut you and your Pa call home already ? " Billy snickered . " Doesn 't look like you 're okay , " Zeke said . A moment later , Zeke reached out and took the wrist of both bullies and twisted . " Josh , you sure you 're okay ? " he asked while he maintained his hold . If the boys didn 't move , there was no pain in their arms . But since the boys kept trying to break free of his hold , Zeke knew they were hurting . Zeke 's father also helped out with maintenance problems around the karate school so Zeke had been allowed a few free lessons . They were coming in handy now . Billy and Tommy were cowards . Unfortunately , they both had a huge dose of false bravado and they weren 't going to put up with commands , even from someone older and much bigger . Standing on either side of Zeke , they felt they had the upper hand . Billy and Tommy stupidly rushed him at the same time . Zeke didn 't even hesitate . He simply took a step backwards and both boys collided into each other , falling in disgrace onto the ground . Zeke reached out and put a hand to the shorter boy 's head . Zeke was taller which meant all of his limbs were longer as well . So Zeke held Billy more than a foot away from him while Billy 's face went redder and redder with both the exertion of trying to break Zeke 's hold and the humiliation of being bested so easily . This continued for several minutes with Zeke barely even touching the two boys while Joshua had to cover his mouth to stifle his laughter . And each time Billy or Tommy stumbled , they would bruise or bloody another part of their bodies not to mention the mud and grass stains on their clothes and faces . Meanwhile , Zeke and Joshua remained clean and unblemished . Bill and Tommy turned around to glare at him . Billy couldn 't see through one of his eyes because he 'd run into Tommy 's knee during one of his falls so it was almost swollen shut . While Tommy had completely missed Zeke during one of his rushes and fallen into the tree . The bark had badly scraped Tommy 's cheek . There wasn 't a great deal of blood , but it would look horrible in the morning . " Enough ! " he shouted when Billy and Tommy picked themselves up and shifted around on unsteady feet , prepared to come at him one more time . " Go home and get yourselves cleaned up ! This is over ! You 're going to leave Joshua alone . " Tommy looked at Billy , who only glared back at Zeke with fury in his eyes . Tommy nudged Billy 's shoulder , finished with being humiliated himself . " Come on , Billy . Let 's get out of here . " Joshua came over and stood next to Zeke , shaking his head as they both watched until the boys were far enough away to no longer be a threat . " Thanks for helping , " Joshua said softly , extending his hand with gratitude . " They were really going to hurt me before you stepped in to help . " Zeke shook the little guy 's hand . " No problem . I 'll walk you home just in case they 're hiding around the corner . They 're weasels so I wouldn 't put anything past them . " Joshua looked relieved as he picked up his own book bag , then waited for Zeke to lift all of his school and library books into his arms . " Don 't you have a book bag ? " Joshua asked , walking beside the enormous kid who had saved him from a brutal pummeling . Josh didn 't say anything , suddenly realizing who he was talking to . " Well , thanks for helping , " he said , feeling awkward because his father paid Zeke 's father so little . He was starting to understand the painful differences in their family incomes . They talked about different things as they made their way across the park and over to the huge Victorian house at the edge of the town . This was where Joshua 's family lived . It literally was the largest house in town while Zeke 's humble abode was arguably the smallest and shabbiest . But at that moment , they became friends despite the economic deltas in their lifestyles and their dramatic body size differences . Zeke stood on the steps of the house and shook his head . Josh was wearing a button down shirt with pleated slacks and nice shoes . Zeke was wearing a tee - shirt with a ragged hem which barely fit him . This was the third day in a row he 'd worn this pair of jeans . It wasn 't because he was lazy and hadn 't bothered with a clean pair . It was that he only had three pairs of jeans and had to wear each of them multiple days . Food was the priority in his father 's household . Clothes came much lower on the list . Zeke stared in wonder at the woman wearing a tailored , black dress and high heeled , black shoes . She even wore pearls in her ears and make up . Ms . Sanders was possibly the most beautiful and sophisticated woman Zeke had ever seen . He 'd never met his own mother . She 'd died giving birth to him but he 'd seen her wedding picture . It was faded and torn up now , but he 'd always loved looking at her smiling face as she hugged his dad . Joshua 's mother stopped and looked at Zeke . " Hello , Zeke , " she said , extending her hand politely . " It 's very nice to meet you . " She looked at his face and his clothes , shaking her head . " Have you eaten , dear ? " she asked kindly . The beautiful woman pulled herself up and took a deep breath . " Those boys are horrid ! " she stated emphatically . " If I weren 't so polite , I would go over to their houses and speak with their mothers ! " The woman huffed as if that were irrelevant . " Regardless , the boy needs food , as do you . " She shushed them both inside the house . " Zeke , give me your phone number and I 'll call your mother to let her know that you 're staying for dinner . We 'll drive you home afterwards as well . " Ms . Sanders wasn 't sure what to say to that . " Oh , " was all that came out of her mouth . " Well , then your father ? " Ms . Sanders stared for a long moment as she absorbed this information . " I see , " she said softly and hung up the phone . " Well , it is much better that you 've come here for dinner then , " she finally announced , regrouping quickly . " Come along , boys . Dinner is already on the table . " She led the way into the pristine dining room , introducing Zeke to Joshua 's father . " It 's nice to meet you , " Mr . Sanders said , closing the newspaper and standing up to shake Zeke 's hand . " And where have you been ? " Mr . Sanders said to Joshua , tussling his hair . Zeke watched the people before him , amazed at how much the whole scene looked like something out of a Norman Rockwell picture . He thought his jaw was probably on the floor when a servant walked through one of the doors and put an enormous meat loaf onto the center of the table . There were already roasted potatoes and green beans as well as a salad just stuffed with different kinds of vegetables . Unfortunately , the meat loaf didn 't make its way onto the plate . Because Josh was regaling his mother and father about Zeke 's rescue , the way Billy and Tommy kept falling over themselves trying to beat up Zeke and their mumbling humiliation as they walked away . At the beginning of the story , Mr . and Ms . Sanders simply looked at the two boys with horror and anger that anyone would dare to hurt their son . But by the end , they were laughing so hard , they were having trouble breathing , gasping between bouts of hilarity . Meanwhile , Zeke 's face turned redder as they looked at him with gratitude and amusement but Zeke 's stomach started growling in pain and hunger . He 'd had lunch but it was one of the school lunches and they were never enough for him . Usually , his father had three or four sandwiches already made by the time Zeke got home from the library for his dinner and Zeke never had to wait politely . This time though , Zeke endured , even pasting a polite , if embarrassed , smile on his face and tried not to think about the delicious scents wafting around him . He and his father had soup occasionally , and every once in a while , his dad would come home with a whole chicken . But he 'd never had meat loaf before . And he 'd never had potatoes that looked so appealing , so warm and delicious . He couldn 't even imagine what the salad and green beans would taste like , and as the Sanders family continued to laugh about the early evening 's foibles , Zeke wondered if he ever would . " Good grief , those boys are a nuisance , " Mr . Sanders finally said , wiping tears of laughter from his cheeks . " I 'll have a talk with their fathers in the morning , but I think we need to get the police involved . This isn 't the first time something like this has happened , and I 've spoken with the fathers on more than one occasion so obviously , a gentleman 's handshake isn 't going to work . Legal steps must be taken , " he said firmly . Ms . Sanders agreed with him but Zeke was just relieved to finally have some food in front of him . He waited until everyone else was served before picking up his fork . Not because he knew that was polite , but simply because he had no idea what he should do . So he waited for Mr . Sanders to pick up his fork and did everything the other man did . He ate slowly , just like everyone else at the table . Unfortunately , everyone else wasn 't a growing teenager . So even by the time he 'd finished off the ice cream for dessert , he was still hungry but kept quiet . By the end of the night , he thanked Ms . Sanders as he got into Mr . Sanders ' sedan . As Mr . Sanders drove him home , they talked about various things and Zeke was proud of how well he was able to keep up his end of the conversation with the older man . The factory came up several times with Mr . Sanders grumbling about competition with other manufacturers . Zeke jumped out of the car that night , thanking Joshua 's father for the ride home . As he walked through the door , his mind was already going through what he knew of the factory , the various machines his father had mentioned and several ideas stormed through his mind . He sat down on his bed , munching on one of the sandwiches his father had left for him while he worked through the math in his mind , quickly coming up with a solution for one of the issues Mr . Sanders had discussed . Zeke nodded and took another bite of his sandwich . " Yes , sir , " he said quickly . " My dad 's not home . Can I help you ? " he asked politely , but something about the way the sheriff was approaching was raising the hair on the back of his neck . Zeke 's initial thought was to wonder if his sandwich would still be edible if he could pick it up off of the ground quickly . But the sheriff was snapping handcuffs on his wrists then dragging Zeke across their scraggly front lawn before shoving him into the back of the car . Zeke wasn 't sure what to do or even how to get in touch with his father . He was scared , hungry and unsure of how to proceed or even what he 'd done wrong . Was he being arrested for not beating up Tommy and Billy ? An hour later , after being put in the holding cell with two other drunks , he finally figured out what was happening . Billy and Tommy , along with their fathers , stormed into the sheriff 's office , going on and on about how a brute like Zeke shouldn 't be allowed out of jail if he were going to beat up their sons . And Tommy and Billy played it up well . They were still bruised and bloodied , their eyes tearing up at all the appropriate moments . When the sheriff was looking , they were sad and scared , but when the sheriff looked away , the two boys would smirk across the office space in Zeke 's direction , an " I told you so " expression on their bruised faces . The sheriff didn 't give Zeke a chance to try and reach his father and he spent a cold , terrifying night in the holding cell with no blanket and no food . He barely slept that night , too afraid of what might happen to him . No one knew he was here and it didn 't sound like the sheriff even cared . Zeke 's home was pretty small , just two rooms with one of them being his tiny bedroom which didn 't include any windows . The main room was only big enough to hold a sofa , a television set and a small refrigerator , stove and sink that barely worked . As Zeke looked around the jail cell , he closed his eyes and pictured a place where he would have lots of room , space that would let him cook anything he wanted and a bed bigger than this whole sheriff 's office . There would be lots of sunshine and everything would be clean , he thought to himself . When he heard his father 's voice the following morning , Zeke stood up quickly , ignoring the shooting pain in his legs from having slept on the cold , concrete floor . As Zeke looked at his surroundings , the walls seemed to close in around him . The bars were made of cold steel and the wall he was leaning against was freezing cinder blocks , the paint chipping off and making it feel even more frigid . There wasn 't even room for him to straighten his legs without kicking the other two men in the holding cell . " Sheriff , I can 't find Zeke ! " his father was saying . " He 's only thirteen years old . He should be home getting ready for school , but he didn 't eat his dinner last night and his bed hasn 't been slept in . " The sheriff adjusted his belt along his hips and raised his hands to calm Duncan Vaughn down . " Slow down Duncan . Your son is fine . He 's been arrested for assault and has spent the night in the holding cell . " The sheriff stepped in between father and son , shaking his head . " Duncan , you can 't see him now . He has to go in front of a judge for sentencing . " Duncan was furious . " Are you telling me that you kept a thirteen year old boy in an adult holding cell and didn 't even bother to contact me ? What kind of a man are you ? " his father huffed . " And who says Zeke beat him up ? Zeke doesn 't do that sort of thing ! " There was a loud noise outside of the doors a moment before Mr . Sanders stormed into the sheriff 's office . " Sheriff ! What the hell is this I hear about you arresting Zeke Vaughn ? How in the world could this have happened ? " The sheriff faced off with both furious fathers , his hand resting on his pistol in a threatening manner . " Now hold on , gentlemen . I have two angry dads who are pressing charges . " The sheriff wasn 't having any of that . " I may be friends with them , but they claim their sons were beaten up by Zeke Vaughn . I had to take action . " Mr . Sanders huffed up , putting a hand out to hold Duncan back . " First of all , you damn well know that you broke the law by arresting a minor , putting him in with adult violators and then by not calling his father immediately . My secretary is already calling the governor 's office to see about pressing charges against you ! " Mr . Sanders said in a low , growling voice . This obviously got the sheriff upset because he started to huff and puff himself . But Mr . Sanders wasn 't finished . " Furthermore , Billy and Tommy assaulted my son . If it weren 't for Zeke here , my son might be in a hospital bed . Instead , those two cowardly boys ran home and lied to their fathers about what happened to cover up the beating they gave each other because of their own ineptitude . And if you don 't believe me , ask Ms . Jamison . She watched the whole thing from across the street . Zeke Vaughn didn 't lay a hand on Billy or Tommy . " " Oh , you dear , sweet boy ! " she gasped and rushed over to him , putting her elderly hands on Zeke 's fingers . " If I 'd known that the sheriff had done this to you , I 'd have been here earlier . I just heard the news and I 'm sorry I am so late , " she said , her voice crackling with both age and emotion . The diminutive , elderly lady was not going to be patronized . " You have to do nothing more than release him immediately . You messed up , George ! Now get the keys and release him or I 'll do it myself ! " Adelaide pulled her white , wool sweater over her shoulders and glared up at the sheriff . " I saw the whole thing . That stupid oaf Tommy knocked Joshua to the ground , grabbed his collar and then Billy and Tommy pinned Joshua to the tree . Zeke was just walking home and stepped in . All he said was to stop but Billy and Tommy wouldn 't release Mr . Sanders ' boy . So Zeke took their wrists and did it for them . Next thing I knew , Billy and Tommy were on the ground with Zeke and Joshua standing there looking at them . " It was at that moment that the two boys in question stepped into the sheriff 's office , obviously dressed up for court in their Sunday church clothes so they could tell their sob story to the judge . Tom Thornton heard the last of the explanation and started to interrupt but Mr . Sanders glared him into silence . Since Mr . Sanders was also Tom Thornton 's employer , the man backed down quickly . When Adelaide was finished , the two boys were still looking angry . " I think it 's time you arrested Billy and Tommy for filing a false police report , " she said with a sweet smile towards their fathers . " And Duncan , I think you should get yourself a lawyer . What George did to your son was wrong and I believe you have a very good lawsuit against him . " She pulled out a card and handed it to him . " My son is a lawyer but don 't feel that you have to go with him . I 've told him about the situation which is why I 'm here . He urged me to step in and do something about the problem before it went too far . " She said this with an admonishing look at George . |
My happy - go - lucky boy Nikko was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder and Global Developmental Delays on October 6 , 2008 . I 've created a blog to document his journey with autism , life with his siblings and everything else in between . It 's therapeutic for me as well . Thanks for reading ! This morning we packed up the kids and headed to the Brookfield Zoo . Vunge was going to meet us there with her kids and Soren , and she gave us extra tickets that would expire on the 31st . When we got to the zoo , the kids seemed ok with being loaded into the double stroller and the umbrella stroller . We walked in and stopped to take a picture with a huge animatronic dinosaur , but for some reason Nikko was not happy to be stopping . We thought maybe he needed to run around , so we found a little area that was family friendly that required us to park our strollers . The boys seemed to like the outdoor area , which was meant for a petting zoo , but when Ronin started playing in the dirt excavating site we decided to explore the indoors . Nikko wasn 't happy with the plan and tried repeatedly to pull me outside . He protested pretty much the entire excursion , didn 't even like the lemurs that we watched being fed . Once he got into the stroller he was still very combative . We met up with Vunge and went to another kid - friendly area which was made up of farm animals , but Nikko didn 't want to leave the stroller . He pretty much wanted the stroller to stay in motion , but even when we wheeled it around he was balking . I was so incredibly confused and felt bad that Nikko seemed to be so frustrated . I couldn 't figure it out and was starting to have a bad time myself . Ronin was also acting up , and in the petting zoo he managed to fling himself to the ground and get geese poop on his leg . It smelled absolutely rank and I gagged later on when changing his diaper . Nikko seemed to calm down a bit later as we walked toward our lunch area . It 's possible that he was crabby because he was hungry , but we all suffered for it . After lunch all the kids went to play in a kids ' playground and Nikko was himself again . He didn 't even protest when we had to leave . All the kids fell asleep on the way home . But once we got home it was for a quick juice refill , a gift wrap , then off to the Creen 's house for Riley 's birthday party . Luckily they were running Posted by Our morning was usual but I had to rally the troops around the 11th hour to get us going to Mom 's house for her Fatima prayer shindig . We got there by 1p and proceeded into the basement / daycare area . Ronin was off playing with trains but Nikko was very clingy to me . He didn 't warm up for a while , for some reason . And while his mood is kinda dragging , he was virtually silent for the earlier part of the afternoon . Lunch was busy because there were so many people milling about . I had just changed all three diapers when Mom asked me if I wanted to take home leftovers . Nikko was practically glued to my side so when I went into the sun room and stated using the foil , I thought Nikko was either nearby or downstairs . It wasn 't until I truly noticed that he hadn 't been around me that I looked up and asked aloud where he was . Someone mentioned that he was outside getting wet by the pond . Uh oh . I went outside and sure enough he was playing with a car in the water , his pant leg and his sleeve soaked . Dad stood nearby plus another person who just remarked that Nikko was having fun , but I put on my Mom cap and hauled him away from the pond . He was kicking and screaming because he wanted to play with the water . I determined that it was truly time to go . Unfortunately it was a big scene with Nikko as I changed him to some dry clothes and tried to assemble our food + Denis and the kids . We made it packed into the car . Denis drove separately so I just took off once the kids were buckled in . I sobbed a bit while clenching the steering wheel , embarrassed by the scene of me hauling Nikko into the kitchen while he wailed so loudly with everyone leaving through the kitchen , and because I felt so bad that Nikko was crying just because he wanted to continue playing and I couldn 't let him . I felt pretty powerless , but knew that I had to be firm about not letting Nikko play in the fish pond . It 's not a bathtub . Everyone fell asleep on the way home . I had to park 1 / 2 a block away because this afternoon was our annual Block Party . I put the Posted by This morning when I came into Nikko 's room he flipped over and I saw he was awake , but he wasn 't talking . This is highly unusual for him because I can hear him babbling by himself in the mornings when he is awake . I heard not a peep until I came in and greeted him . I looked him over and he was fine , and he managed to blurt out some garbly sounds that sounded normal . His demeanor was listless . He sat at the kitchen table with half - lidded eyes as if he woke up too early . He drank some chocolate milk , ate half the Eggo cinnamon toast w / syrup I fed to him , then sprawled under the table as if to sleep . I got him up and when Ronin was finished I herded the kids into the living room . Nikko lay on the couch and moved to the floor pillow and back . I came to check on him around 10 : 30a and saw that he had thrown up on the cushion near the armrest . Yuck ! I cleaned it up , soaking the area with Carpet Resolve , then changed Nikko 's clothes . He didn 't have a fever at all , and I hoped he didn 't have a stomach bug . Nikko crawled to the floor pillow and basically passed out for an hour . My poor little boy . The nap helped him . He came to the kitchen right before I was going to wake him up for lunch . He nibbled slightly on a chicken nugget , but started eating the slice of cheese pizza I put before him , then ate two more slices . Yea ! In the afternoon he seemed to improve slightly . He played with some cars a little bit , lay on the couch and the floor a lot , and walked around . I tried to ease into some tickle games and that seemed to work better in the later afternoon . Denis came home from work and Nikko was acting a bit better , slightly grumpy this time . We went to the in - laws for dinner and Nikko was the most quiet we had ever seen . His appetite was back because he ate his nuggets and even ate some of the eggplant parmesan Lola made . I think it looked really appetizing , and the sauce and cheese tasted good . I am not a fan of eggplant but the taste was masked in the tomato sauce so it tasted like a regular lasagna to me with a hint of Posted by Earlier today , Nikko was running around in the living room again and tripped . He fell and hit his mouth on the floor again , this time on the hardwood . I saw that he had a small cut behind his upper lip , but not nearly as deep as the previous cut . It bled a little bit , but I wonder if that soured his appetite for the rest of the day because he didn 't eat much at lunch or dinner . He ate a small piece of pizza at lunch , but had no seconds . Dinner was a total bust where he nibbled on one ear of his Mickey Mouse nugget and abandoned the rest . I hope he 'll be better at eating tomorrow . His demeanor today was also very off , wasn 't interested in interacting and sought me out just to sit in my lap . Ronin had speech therapy and it went all right . Ronin 's still very much into Cars and he didn 't want to be without McQueen . Pete was still able to get some words out of him . Audrey kept trying to crawl right in the middle of everything , and Nikko kept to himself . After therapy , Audrey went down for a nap and Ronin wanted to watch Roary the Race Car . Lunchtime crept around and Ronin fell asleep in the high chair . When that happens , he doesn 't need a 2pm nap . That also means I should take the opportunity to take the kids somewhere . But it was a rainy day so playing outside was out for me . Also , Audrey is at the crawling stage so going to the ball pit wouldn 't be fun for her . I wracked my brains trying to think of a place I could manage them by myself but I had no place to go ( Kohl Children 's Museum would have been a madhouse during a rainy day , and I would totally lose both boys in there - Nikko to the water room , and Ronin would be everywhere while Audrey suffered in the Bjorn trying to go play . Not fair for everyone . Unless someone on the staff wanted to babysit my kids ! LOL ! Since we really didn 't need to go to Costco , I decided to take the kids to Target with the primary objective of getting a Cars toy for Nikko or Ronin , and snacking the kids in their cafeteria . I took the long way so that 2 out of the 3 could take a nap , whPosted by Hmmm . . . Nikko was not in his greatest form today . We just got back from dropping off the Civic to get the interior cleaned , Nikko fell asleep for about 20 minutes in the carseat , and now he 's mopey . I wonder if it will take him a long time to fall back to sleep tonight . He 's also a tad crabby . Denis and I tried to do the parachute with him ( using a big blanket ) but he just lay on a pillow on the floor and wasn 't interactive at all . He seemed tired and sleepy during bedtime stories , and we nixed the songs altogether . I hope he 's ok tomorrow . It was a rainy , gloomy day today spent indoors and at home . Nikko spent most of his time playing at the table near the picture window , racing some cars back and forth across the tabletop ( I don 't believe it was totally stimming ; he didn 't have his eyes glued to the wheels or anything , kind of moved his whole body along the edge of the table so he wasn 't sitting still ) and also fiddling with cars and a car carrier attached to a big rig . At one point he brought the rig and carrier to me for help in getting a car into it , but the car was DJ , a blue car with " wings " that were wider than the carrier so it wouldn 't fit . I gave him another car as a substitute . I also broke out a big container of Mr . Potato Head parts that I got from Costco . It came w / a Mr . , a Mrs . , and two spud juniors . Ronin and Audrey were interested , but Nikko showed only mild interest at first . Later I brought Mrs . Potato Head to him and he gave a high five upon request . I played the Your Baby Can Read DVD to the kids in the earlier part of the morning but they lost interest . And of course I played the Cars DVD . Nikko didn 't pay much attention to the movie when we first watched it , but today he seemed to be interested in the whole thing . I may have to get another Lightning McQueen metal car because he keeps swiping Ronin 's car . I generally don 't like getting duplicate toys because that 's just more toys to clutter up the living room , but McQueen is becoming the source of much stress on a daily basis . Something else Posted by The morning was short because I planned to take the kids to mom 's house around lunchtime . Nikko was acting like normal so I knew that his lip was on the road to healing . It 's filled with white stuff so that 's gotta be a good thing ( unless it 's " weeping " , according to Atz . Then it 's pus and not a good thing . Eeeeeeew ) . I gave the kids a light snack around 11a , put Audrey down for a nap and then started packing things up to leave . Also packed stuff we 'd need later for our last swimming adventure of the season , when Denis comes home early from work . It 's a good thing I did this early because , just to jump ahead a little , the traffic coming home was challenging so when I got home I was able to just grab the swim stuff , towels , and refill juice bottles . Anyway , we got to mom 's house and had lunch in the sunroom . Nikko found an interest in the water spray can that Dad was using on his indoor orchids . It looks like a large cylinder with a pump handle for the water pressure and a little hand - held hose for controlled spraying . I 'm kind of glad Nikko didn 't figure out how to spray the water because we 'd all have been drenched if he knew . Mom looked at Nikko 's lip and said he was going to be fine . Dad said the same thing , then he left for work . We didn 't stay very long because I had to get us home for swimming and Mom hadn 't slept yet from working the night before . I just wanted to go there for lunch to see Dad before he goes to work , to let Mom check out Nikko 's lip , and for lola bonding time since I didn 't come over the day before . When I was loading the kids into the Pilot , I was piling the bags into the front seat and putting Audrey into her carseat when I heard Mom saying , " Nikko , come give mom a hug ! " She was standing in the middle of the front lawn with her arms wide open . He refused her a few times , running along the sidewalk and running up to me in case I disappeared somewhere . But when I turned after snapping Audrey 's car seat into the base , I heard Mom calling for a hug again , saw Nikko running toward her and whiPosted by Well , no words today and for good reason . . . This morning I was vacuuming in the living room . The kids were playing around , their usual a . m . Nikko was lying tummy down on the couch near the armrest , watching TV . He can easily crawl / leap over the armrest , and has been crashing into the couch and walls for the past three days . I 'm not sure how but he was scooting off the couch , lost his balance and his chin hit the striped ottoman at the base of the couch . The vacuum was off , and I heard a slight CRUNCH on impact . Then Nikko started to cry / scream . I worried that maybe he knocked one of his upper teeth out , so I tried to wobble them but they were stable . Then the blood started welling around his bottom teeth . I saw a dark mound on the inner lip and ran him into the kitchen for a paper towel . Audrey was underfoot and started crying to add to the mix . When I looked at the lip after soaking up some blood , I saw a small gash in the soft part of the inner lip and it was bleeding a lot . I tried to put an icepack on it but Nikko wouldn 't have it . I started moaning that we might have to go to the ER , so I called Atz . She said she 'd come over for the babies and that I should call the pediatrician for instructions . While I did , Nikko was crying really hard but I held him close . Audrey continued to follow us , wailing . I found a pacifier for her and tried to plug her up . When I got the ped office , they gave me to the nurse who could barely hear me because two kids were screaming . I had to release Nikko and grab Audrey , shoved the paci in her mouth and put her in the pack n ' play in our bedroom . Time for her morning nap , slightly early . She protested , but in the end she caved in . Meanwhile Nikko had scampered to the Thomas chairs in front of the mirrored corner and had his burp cloth in his mouth . The bleeding had stopped . I couldn 't really tell how long the gash was , and muttered that it looked like 2 cm . " Is it 2mm or 2cm ? Because 2 cm equals an inch , " the nurse asked calmly . I wasn 't really feeling calm , and said I didn 't have Posted by Today we went to the Illinois Railway Museum to experience A Day Out With Thomas , in Union , IL . It wasn 't totally smooth , but it was enjoyable overall . This morning we tried to do what we could to leave on time ( 9 : 15 ) but on the way to the Creens for a [ shifted ] 9 : 45 meetup we had to turn around because I forgot Audrey 's bottle . We lost about 8 minutes . When we got to the Creens , Denis realized he forgot his wallet . Another turnaround . Needless to say , we didn 't quite meet our departure goals . The kids were in good spirits because we put in the Cars DVD . Nikko 's eyes were fastened to the screen , and only when Denis accidentally turned it off did both boys protest loudly . Geez . We used the triple stroller for this adventure . I used a beach towel to put under Nikko because the front seat of the stroller wasn 't designed for a 38 pound boy and the seat was slumped inward . I had gotten some dogtags printed for Nikko and Ronin ( mypreciouskid . com ) with contact info should they get separated from us , so I tagged Nikko . He didn 't mind or even care about it on his belt loop . We met up with Pat , Anna , Jovy ( who loves Thomas stuff ) , and the Creen family to enjoy the day . It was really busy / crowded and I let Nikko run around while we waited for the others to enjoy climbing onto some train cars , but it was a little unnerving watching him walk against the flow of traffic or pivot haphazardly in front of strangers . There was one instant where he took off for about 20 feet , but he did turn around when I called to him and stayed still . It was when we were waiting to get onto the Thomas train that Nikko was antsy and trying to free himself from my hand . He didn 't go anywhere , but I wished that I had put the harness on him so that I wouldn 't have to use a steely , sweaty grip on his hand . He didn 't seem to mind me leading him by the hand earlier when we walked between some rail cars . I 'm sure both boys were tired of being dragged around by the hand and the arm , so it was no wonder that Ronin had a big meltdown when we rode the trolleyPosted by I 'll start with the end of the day . Nikko got to bed late ( around 10p ) and by 11 : 20p I could still hear him in his room , laughing . I think he trailed off after another ten minutes , but this was a very late night for him . He took a late nap today , between 5 : 30 - 6 : 30 , so maybe that set him back . But I don 't think so , because this evening we took the kids to Woodfield Mall so that Denis could check out a Bachrach suit while the kids ( first ate , then ) played in the Looney Tunes play area . The place was seriously crowded . There were kids of all different heights so I feared putting Audrey on the floor for long in case someone trampled her . Ronin held his own , climbing all over the characters , and Nikko mainly ran back and forth along a carpeted pathway . He climbed a little bit , but mostly weaved between parents and kids . No collisions for him today . Denis and I saw a little boy collide with another and got knocked to the ground . The boy sat crying while the other ran away . I think the boy got clipped by someone else running by . Then , a little skinny curly - haired girl ran by , stopped , cranked her arm back and whacked the boy on the head . I saw this and was shocked , wondered if the girl was a sister , wondered where the boy 's mom was . Then the girl whacked the boy again ! I was holding Audrey and told Denis that the poor boy was getting beat , and I shifted nervously because no mom was coming to his rescue . The girl wasn 't finished . She flexed her arms , took a step back and drop - kicked the boy in the midsection . Denis and I both said , " Ooooo ! " like when we watch UFC fighter get clocked with a money punch that brings him down . She stepped back to do it again and I started walking toward the boy to try and save him from the girl 's punishment . She went ahead and kicked him again , and was reeling back to continue when the girl 's mom finally ran to her just as I got to the scene . Mom made the girl apologize , asked the boy where his mom was and didn 't get a clear answer , so she then hauled her daughter to the entrance to sit in aPosted by Nikko 's been kinda klutzy today . He was running back and forth in the kitchen quite fast and hard , and of course he tripped up and fell head first into the door . There was a little indent near the corner of his eye and I tried the ice pack but was rebuffed immediately . It must have hurt . Nikko was also leaping onto the couch via the square ottoman and scraped his shin . Ow . Ronin had speech today with Pete and he did all right . Ronin 's on this Cars kick where he 's carrying Lightning McQueen ( or " a Queen ! a Queen ! " ) and Tow Mater ( or " Thow MAYtrrrr ! " ) all over the place . It was hard to get him away from the Cars and focus on something else , but Pete said he was able to work with it . Didn 't really look like it to me , but oh well . Nikko kept to himself a lot , so I had to go over to him and give him hugs and see if he was all right by himself . Audrey kept trying to get into Ronin 's cars . After therapy , I put Audrey down for a nap and then decided to take the boys outside to play before lunch . Nikko was content to run up and down the driveway at his own pace , but Ronin was putting McQueen into the dirt , raking the dirt with his fingers , and sitting in the dirt which I 'd say was borderline mud . It unnerved me that he was getting so dirty . I gotta take a breather about the boys getting dirty , because I let it really upset me . We got inside , I got them lunch , and then really wondered what I could do with the kids in the afternoon . I didn 't want to bring them to the grocery , even though we really need to get some stuff . I was wracking my brain trying to think of an enclosed area where there wasn 't too much chaos that I could safely watch the kids while they played . Woodfield Mall has a nice kid area but it gets too crowded and chaotic . The Elk Grove Park District had brief toddler hours ( 10a - 2p ! ) . Then I remembered the kid area / ball pit at the Rec Plex in Mount Prospect . That 's where we ended up , for $ 1 per boy . On the website it stated that it was for kids at least 3 yrs and less than 46 " tall , so I was prepared to cover Posted by I had Nikko harnessed and ready at 8am for the bus . We went out to the driveway ; Denis , Audrey and Ronin joined us , happy to be outside so early in the morning . I adjusted the harness the night before so that I wouldn 't have to spend time fiddling with it while trying to zip Nikko into it . He pulled at it a bit , but I patted his chest and tried to distract him . Eventually he ignored it and was running up and down the sidewalk like there was nothing on him . Down the block I saw the polish lady with her two twins waiting at the corner . A school bus came and picked them up . To my surprise , the bus pulled up to our house and opened its doors . I thought we were getting the short bus , but I recognized the driver from her web picture and we scurried on . There were about 10 - 15 kids on already with their parents and we grabbed a seat over the tire mid - back . Nikko was curious but also tense as he sat on my lap . I looked around and couldn 't find any seat belts or loops to strap Nikko in , and so I wondered if we were on the wrong bus to begin with . I stayed quiet , figuring that my questions would get answered soon . Sure enough , I found out that our bus is one of three new ones in the fleet and that the first few seats had five - point harnesses built in behind a velcro flap , so the harness we currently had was not necessary . That 's great news because it is so bulky ! I would try those seats on the way home . Our bus came around 8 : 15 or so , but I 'll keep going out around 8 - ish just until I can learn her timing . It will take some time to strap Nikko in , which I 'll have to do every time he boards the bus , but hopefully it will be a quick buckle - in and good bye . I think he will absolutely freak out on the first day of school , so I hope the teacher aides that will receive him will be kind to him ( I 'm sure they will ! ) . We got to the school and joined everyone on the grassy front where the principal , Vince the Transportation Manager , and a host of other people were giving speeches . I learned most of the info I need from our bus driver , Posted by In about seven hours is the practice bus run for Nikko 's preschool . I 'm allowed to go with him . We 'll ride the bus , get off , have a quick speech , get back on and go home . Should take about an hour tops . Then we 'll have our session with Bo at 10 : 30 . She couldn 't make it today so it was moved to tomorrow . I told Chinny not to come because I 'll try to handle Ronin on the side with the DVD player . I 'll also try to put Audrey down for a nap either before Bo comes or at least 15 minutes into the session . Nikko didn 't seem very all right from the getgo today . He was whining while I dressed Ronin , as if Nikko was trying to go to the bathroom . He also didn 't seem to walk well , as if he were hurting in the groin because he tiptoed when he walked . I couldn 't see any problems in his diaper so early in the morning . Around 11am after I put down Audrey I decided to take the boys outside to run around a bit . Ronin was excited and ruled the tricycle , but Nikko didn 't seem to want to run around much . He also rode the tricycle and I had to wrestle it away from Ronin because Nikko rides it so infrequently lately . I wrote on the driveway with sidewalk chalk and the boys liked sitting in the middle of the runway I drew . It also made them extremely dirty . It was lunchtime next . Ronin fell asleep in the high chair , Nikko ate some mac cheese and a nugget , and then Audrey joined us with a bottle . Because Ronin napped , I was able to get us ready to go to Costco and we got out of the house around 3pm . The trip went quickly , except for Ronin whining for some cookies . Luckily I had some on hand and was able to ration it between them . When we got home I took another opportunity to let the boys play outside for a little bit . It was mild but humid outside so we didn 't last long before I hauled everyone inside to wash hands . I 'm trying to get us on a schedule that 's geared toward preschool , so I didn 't want the kids to snack a whole lot before a 6 : 30p dinner . They were getting cranky around 6 : 20 but I was able to stretch it until Ronin started goiPosted by Our day was pretty calm until we had to leave for the peds office . Nikko started doing some crashing ; he would run from the couch , stomping his feet hard , straight to Ronin 's high chair in the kitchen . He 'd turn around , poise himself in the doorway , then run stomping back and dive into the couch . Totally got sweaty this way . He was doing this after dinner as well . Perhaps it 's a result of not getting any time outside to run around . He also didn 't have a good appetite for lunch . Maybe the 3 sippy cups of chocolate milk filled him up way too much ? His visit to the ped was good . I whipped out the DVD player and put in Cars so both boys would watch . Nikko was still getting restless so I gave him a lollipop and that immediately calmed him down . Ronin wanted one , too , but I wouldn 't give him one until after his hepatitis A shot . Nikko is 38 " tall , and weighs 38 pounds . 50th percentile in height , but 95th percentile in weight . Yep , not like I didn 't already know he was a heavy kid ! Before bath time , Denis got the boys running around downstairs . One thing he 's been doing for two days is taking two hula hoops and holding them vertically so the boys will walk / hop / run through them . Today he started holding them in variable positions : further apart , slightly unaligned , and then a few inches above the ground . " This has got to be good for his motor planning , eh ? " he asked me , and I couldn 't agree more . It 's probably quite excellent for his motor planning skills , since Nikko has to think about how to walk through the hoops , then make adjustments so he 's balanced , especially if they are off the ground . It 's a brilliant idea , also on the pinnacle of an obstacle course . Circumstances worked strangely in my favor today . We were waiting for the Creens to come by around 11a to drop off Lego when I checked a missed call and it was Gail . I called her to hear that they wanted to keep Lego a while longer . I was shocked . Her reasoning was that Lego seemed to blend in nicely with their family thus far ; she took Lego off his incontinence drugs and he immediately perked up and was social , looking for affection whereas before he slept all day and didn 't want anything to do with anyone ; Grizzly and Lego seemed to like each other 's company ; Riley was attached to Lego . It 's definitely a load off my mind not to have Lego around while Audrey is crawling all over the place , but I really do hope that Gail and her family are ok with having another dog around the house . I trust that if Gail really couldn 't handle having another dependent , she would tell me and we 'd make the arrangements to get him back . Denis misses having Lego around , but also acknowledged that he is extra work for him right now . I told Gail we 'd revisit the domestic situation again in a few months , perhaps after Audrey is walking . So we are dog - free for a while longer . Back to Nikko . He has a physical exam at the peds tomorrow . Ronin is also scheduled for his two year appointment . I have to bring a form that allows OT services during school hours . I 'm going to have to start pushing back our bedtimes to accommodate Nikko getting ready for the bus . I 'll have to wake up a little before 7a to get Nikko dressed , at the table by 7 : 15a , give him breakfast and tend to Audrey who will probably be waking up , possibly Ronin too , then final diaper change if needed by 7 : 45a , and ready for bus pickup by 8am . We 'll have to see how things go for the first two weeks of school to find out exactly what time the bus will come for Nikko at the door . I guess this is my routine for the next 21 years , huh ? : O Nikko has been doing ok lately . More eye contact with me , more easygoingness with me in terms of following directions around the house . When I ask hPosted by Today is a rant that has nothing to do about Nikko , unfortunately . Our day was a home day , but I managed to get the boys outside while Audrey napped . Nikko sat down in the middle of the driveway , looking down toward the street , and then would run back and forth while verbalizing . No exploring today , and just a little bit of sidewalk chalk for him . I 've been upset the past two days because I don 't have any control over the situation regarding Lego , our dog . He is coming back to us on Saturday . The lady who was caring for him since January ( Denis ' coworker 's mom ) moved into an assisted living for physical rehab and can no longer care for Lego . The Creens are generous enough to be taking care of him in the interim , but Gail and I both know it 's not a forever thing by any means . I should be grateful that we have been dog - free for 7 months , but my stomach is turning when I think about what lies ahead . Lego is currently on medication for his incontinence , so that 's probably a good thing - less leakage . But that doesn 't mean NO leakage . Audrey is an avid crawler right now , going everywhere and putting everything in her mouth . I shudder when I picture her crawling on our kitchen floor with Lego around , but that 's exactly what it 's going to be from now on . She 's going to have dried ( or worse , wet ) dog pee or spit on her hands , and those hands will go right into her mouth . The food from the kids ' high chairs will be scattered on the floor and Lego will eagerly swoop in to lick it up . Not quite a " clean " floor by my standards , just a dog - spit - smeared one that the kids will have on the bottoms of their feet which will walk all over the living room . Great . It may be hard to believe , but I am not a dog hater . I AM NOT A DOG HATER . I just don 't like owning a dog , especially when I have babies around . I am also not a germophobe ; my house is too dusty and crumby for that . But the thought of the dog pee , spit and whatever else gets dragged in to transfer to the kids makes me so uneasy . If Audrey were already walking , and not puttingPosted by Perhaps Nikko 's late night last night caused him to sleep in a bit , but we all woke up around 9am ! VERY late for us ( Denis went to work around 6 : 30 ) . Nikko even got tired around 11am and took a nap , which threw off lunch . Our timing today was all off . Still , we managed to make it to mom 's house by almost 4 , stayed until 6 , just to have snack and hang out for a little bit . The boys were behaved and Audrey was crawling everywhere . At home , Nikko didn 't seem very lively today . It 's probably because he was tired from the day before . But he was still animated enough to flip pages of books and jump around in front of the mirrors . At night , down in the basement with Denis and the rest of us , he was practicing jumping over a cylindrical toy he placed on the floor . He would stand in front of it , jump with two feet off the ground and land right behind it . Denis said he looked like he was doing one of those Olympic jumps into a sand box . It says a lot to me that his coordination and balance is getting really good . Another noteworthy action today is that Nikko was trying very hard to put on his Crocs when I mentioned it was time to go outside . I think his Crocs just fit him so it 's harder to scootch his toes upward , whereas Ronin 's are a bit bigger for him . Finally , on two occasions today I was giving kisses and told Nikko to kiss Audrey . And he did , with a purposeful lean - in toward her cheek . I praised him for each one . Yea ! I was stressing a little bit this morning because Chinny is in San Francisco this week visiting Eric . I forgot that she 'd be gone all week , so I would have 3 kids to worry about during Nikko 's Developmental Therapy today . Fortunately , I put Audrey down for a 10 : 30am nap and I had only Ronin left to keep busy . I put the Cars DVD in the portable player , set it up by the window , and he was entranced for 30 minutes before he touched a button that made things FF so he came to bother us . I wasn 't sure how the session would go because Nikko didn 't want to put together the first animal wooden puzzle . When we started singing cleanup , however , he helped put all the pieces back into the bag , then signed that he wanted More . We took that to mean More toys . Bo got another toy , a peg board with colored pegs that he was supposed to line up by color . During this , I asked Bo about her son , when he started talking and if she did anything to help him learn , since she indicated to me that he had developmental delays ( but not autism ) . She said he started talking on his own , but it took a while . I then started telling her about my cookie scenario with Nikko the other day , how he cried and fought for it , and in the end he gave up after all those tears , and still didn 't get the cookie . I felt bad that it happened . Bo must have felt bad for Nikko and told me that she would have given him the cookie in the end , knowing that that is exactly what you 're not supposed to do , because she didn 't think it was worth it for him to be crying and crying so hard for just a cookie . I told her I was trying to get him to say Cookie , and he shook his head NO as if he understood what I wanted but didn 't want to say it . Bo said , " How would you like it if someone tried to make you do something you didn 't want to do ? " I said I 'd be mad , and then she also said , " If Nikko is trying to communicate with you by using signs , or pulling you toward what he wants , you should accept his attempts to communicate . " Bo 's words made me think that perhaps I pushed him too hPosted by I don 't know if it was a bad thing or a good thing , but today sometime after lunch , Nikko wanted an Oreo cookie . I decided to try holding the cookie to my face , saying " Cookie " , and waiting for him to attempt to say it . Sounds easy , just like in the book , but it SO wasn 't easy . Nikko saw that I was holding out on the cookie , and probably understood that I wanted him to say it . He shook his head NO violently , as if telling me that I wasn 't going to get him to say anything . I was patient and calmly kept modeling " Cookie . " Nikko was furious . He tantrumed . He cried , screamed , threw himself into the wall , threw himself onto the floor many times , tried to pry the cookie from my fingers . Mad , angry , frustrated . Audrey sat in her high chair looking on , silent . I think Nikko tantrumed for 10 , maybe 15 minutes . It was a looooooong time . In the end he ran into the living room a few times in a fury , ran back to me , then ultimately ran to Denis , grabbed a burp cloth sitting on the sofa , and didn 't come back . I think he tired himself out so much that he fell asleep sitting up on the couch . I felt so bad , but during the tantrum I knew that I couldn 't give him the cookie now , it was the point of no return and giving in would defeat everything I was doing . So , no cookie for Nikko . : ( We didn 't revisit this for the rest of the day . I am dreading doing it again tomorrow . Denis decided this morning that he wanted for us to try to make it to Sabbath school in Hinsdale . After the kids were dressed I was scrambling trying to find something to wear . They came into our room and I told the boys they looked so cute in their khakis and collared shirts . I looked at Nikko , who stood in the doorway , and he was neither happy nor sad , just standing there . He looked like a cute , big boy , but for some reason I felt enormous sadness because he was not talking or saying any words . I am still reading that Overcoming Autism book and am on the chapter about speech . It 's telling me to get him to talk by encouraging him with something that he is really motivated about , either a toy or food . This is probably where FS could come into play . I 'll write more about this tomorrow , but I am coming to the conclusion that Nikko is not going to just start talking on his own , as we sit here waiting for him to start talking . I am going to seriously have to work with him harder so that he will learn how to talk . I do this with Ronin , and he catches on because he 's NT ( neurotypical aka normal toddler ) . Nikko is going to take more work , that 's all . The craft portion of Sabbath school didn 't start right away . I guess church was running late . The boys wandered in a big rec room , peeking their heads into the craft room . When the people running the activities finally came in and kids congregated , we sat down at a table and started working with crayons and butterfly printouts . Someone had made Nikko a paper airplane to entertain himself , but he also found a popsicle stick with pipe cleaners wrapped around it very interesting . Nikko enjoyed the open space and did some running around , but it was getting crowded as the service ended so we had to go . My MIL wants us to stay for the potluck , but we didn 't today . A lady asked me why we don 't stay and I honestly told her that it was too hard to take care of my three kids , it would be easier if we go . And it is hard , even though you might think with people there who know us it woulPosted by I was busy during most of the day trying to clean and straighten things up before the evening . We were hosting family dinner for the Alog side to celebrate Nikko and Ronin 's birthdays . If the weather was good , we 'd play outside . If bad , we 'd stay indoors . It was drizzling all day . I had to write a to do list to stay on course , including clearing Space Bags into Nikko 's closet , cleaning the kitchen sink , wiping down the stove , and dusting the tv speaker stands in the living room . I didn 't put cleaning up the bathroom on the list , but that was a necessity . I was able to accomplish things late at night , but also when one or all of the kids were napping . Even Nikko fell asleep this afternoon for almost an hour . When family members arrived around 5 : 30 , the kids were excited and bopped around them . Nikko did some light crashing , but I think he also enjoyed having different people around him in the living room . He 's been giving me some good eye contact lately , really putting his face into mine . For some reason , he wanted me to be in the living room nearby during all the chaos because he kept coming into the kitchen and pulling me into the living room . He pulled so hard that he actually hurt my shoulder in the socket . Ronin 's 2nd birthday was today . He seemed happy , not as whiny as usual but that doesn 't mean he didn 't whine at all today . We spent the afternoon at Mom 's house . Nikko must have eaten 4 or 5 egg rolls , which were rather tasty , so I didn 't expect much of an appetite from him . Despite his full belly , he still had room for icing from the strawberry torte cake , and even for the chocolate frosting on the dairy / egg / peanut free cake I made for Ronin . The day was good , except for the part when Ronin , while playing with a coffee half & half container , squeezed it in his hands and it exploded , half of it onto his face . I heard mom and Atz groan about it , then immediately wet a napkin to wipe off his face . The splotching was already present after a few seconds , and as we hunted for some cortisone the splotches got redder and slightly rashed . We finally found some cortisone and I slathered it onto his chin , cheeks and forehead , but Ronin was already uncomfortable from the itchiness and he wasn 't a happy camper until he got to sleep it off on the way home . I started reading another book today titled Overcoming Autism ; Finding the Answers , Strategies , and Hope That Can Transform A Child 's Life . Yes , another autism book , but the reviews were good and from reading the introduction I 'm looking forward to reading this further . It sounds like a situation I can relate to . I felt like it was another one of those hurry up and wait kind of days . I 'm not sure why but the kiddies are waking up slightly later than usual . At least Audrey is ; I 'm not entirely sure what time Nikko wakes up for the past few days because he doesn 't cry out . He lays in bed and jargons to himself in a low to medium voice . This has offset Audrey 's naptime a bit . Her 10 : 30 - 10 : 45 naptime has been pushed almost to 11 : 45 , which means a later nap = later waking up . This delays her lunchtime bottle and thus if we are going out anywhere it 's also later . That 's why our mall outing was delayed , that 's why today 's store outing was delayed too . After Audrey had her bottle I hurried to get diapers changed so we could get out the door to Costco . Nikko started asking me for something . I worried that it was ice cream , or vitamins , and I felt really rushed so I was snapping at him and raising my voice . Chinny noticed and told me to calm down . I was exasperated because the boys kept asking for things like crackers and cookies and I didn 't want to give in because it was far from snack time . I was also embarrassed and ashamed that Chinny had to tell me that Nikko was getting more upset because I was talking so loudly . She 's right , and I should have calmed down . It 's worse when someone else points out things that you already know , probably acknowledged but haven 't done anything about . I have looked up anger management and calming techniques online , and I 've documented about the anxious bubble , but I still get agitated , and I do raise my voice . I 've got to control this vicious cycle ! Our trip to Costco would have been great since the boys fell asleep but for some reason Audrey chose this day to not like being in her car seat and to not like her pacifier at all . She cried and screamed on the way to the store , was quiet while I carried her in the Bjorn , and continued her rage on the way home . No diaper problems , no pinched skin , so I have NO idea why she acted this way . Perhaps it 's just one of those times she didn 't want to be in thePosted by |
My happy - go - lucky boy Nikko was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder and Global Developmental Delays on October 6 , 2008 . I 've created a blog to document his journey with autism , life with his siblings and everything else in between . It 's therapeutic for me as well . Thanks for reading ! This morning we packed up the kids and headed to the Brookfield Zoo . Vunge was going to meet us there with her kids and Soren , and she gave us extra tickets that would expire on the 31st . When we got to the zoo , the kids seemed ok with being loaded into the double stroller and the umbrella stroller . We walked in and stopped to take a picture with a huge animatronic dinosaur , but for some reason Nikko was not happy to be stopping . We thought maybe he needed to run around , so we found a little area that was family friendly that required us to park our strollers . The boys seemed to like the outdoor area , which was meant for a petting zoo , but when Ronin started playing in the dirt excavating site we decided to explore the indoors . Nikko wasn 't happy with the plan and tried repeatedly to pull me outside . He protested pretty much the entire excursion , didn 't even like the lemurs that we watched being fed . Once he got into the stroller he was still very combative . We met up with Vunge and went to another kid - friendly area which was made up of farm animals , but Nikko didn 't want to leave the stroller . He pretty much wanted the stroller to stay in motion , but even when we wheeled it around he was balking . I was so incredibly confused and felt bad that Nikko seemed to be so frustrated . I couldn 't figure it out and was starting to have a bad time myself . Ronin was also acting up , and in the petting zoo he managed to fling himself to the ground and get geese poop on his leg . It smelled absolutely rank and I gagged later on when changing his diaper . Nikko seemed to calm down a bit later as we walked toward our lunch area . It 's possible that he was crabby because he was hungry , but we all suffered for it . After lunch all the kids went to play in a kids ' playground and Nikko was himself again . He didn 't even protest when we had to leave . All the kids fell asleep on the way home . But once we got home it was for a quick juice refill , a gift wrap , then off to the Creen 's house for Riley 's birthday party . Luckily they were running Posted by Our morning was usual but I had to rally the troops around the 11th hour to get us going to Mom 's house for her Fatima prayer shindig . We got there by 1p and proceeded into the basement / daycare area . Ronin was off playing with trains but Nikko was very clingy to me . He didn 't warm up for a while , for some reason . And while his mood is kinda dragging , he was virtually silent for the earlier part of the afternoon . Lunch was busy because there were so many people milling about . I had just changed all three diapers when Mom asked me if I wanted to take home leftovers . Nikko was practically glued to my side so when I went into the sun room and stated using the foil , I thought Nikko was either nearby or downstairs . It wasn 't until I truly noticed that he hadn 't been around me that I looked up and asked aloud where he was . Someone mentioned that he was outside getting wet by the pond . Uh oh . I went outside and sure enough he was playing with a car in the water , his pant leg and his sleeve soaked . Dad stood nearby plus another person who just remarked that Nikko was having fun , but I put on my Mom cap and hauled him away from the pond . He was kicking and screaming because he wanted to play with the water . I determined that it was truly time to go . Unfortunately it was a big scene with Nikko as I changed him to some dry clothes and tried to assemble our food + Denis and the kids . We made it packed into the car . Denis drove separately so I just took off once the kids were buckled in . I sobbed a bit while clenching the steering wheel , embarrassed by the scene of me hauling Nikko into the kitchen while he wailed so loudly with everyone leaving through the kitchen , and because I felt so bad that Nikko was crying just because he wanted to continue playing and I couldn 't let him . I felt pretty powerless , but knew that I had to be firm about not letting Nikko play in the fish pond . It 's not a bathtub . Everyone fell asleep on the way home . I had to park 1 / 2 a block away because this afternoon was our annual Block Party . I put the Posted by This morning when I came into Nikko 's room he flipped over and I saw he was awake , but he wasn 't talking . This is highly unusual for him because I can hear him babbling by himself in the mornings when he is awake . I heard not a peep until I came in and greeted him . I looked him over and he was fine , and he managed to blurt out some garbly sounds that sounded normal . His demeanor was listless . He sat at the kitchen table with half - lidded eyes as if he woke up too early . He drank some chocolate milk , ate half the Eggo cinnamon toast w / syrup I fed to him , then sprawled under the table as if to sleep . I got him up and when Ronin was finished I herded the kids into the living room . Nikko lay on the couch and moved to the floor pillow and back . I came to check on him around 10 : 30a and saw that he had thrown up on the cushion near the armrest . Yuck ! I cleaned it up , soaking the area with Carpet Resolve , then changed Nikko 's clothes . He didn 't have a fever at all , and I hoped he didn 't have a stomach bug . Nikko crawled to the floor pillow and basically passed out for an hour . My poor little boy . The nap helped him . He came to the kitchen right before I was going to wake him up for lunch . He nibbled slightly on a chicken nugget , but started eating the slice of cheese pizza I put before him , then ate two more slices . Yea ! In the afternoon he seemed to improve slightly . He played with some cars a little bit , lay on the couch and the floor a lot , and walked around . I tried to ease into some tickle games and that seemed to work better in the later afternoon . Denis came home from work and Nikko was acting a bit better , slightly grumpy this time . We went to the in - laws for dinner and Nikko was the most quiet we had ever seen . His appetite was back because he ate his nuggets and even ate some of the eggplant parmesan Lola made . I think it looked really appetizing , and the sauce and cheese tasted good . I am not a fan of eggplant but the taste was masked in the tomato sauce so it tasted like a regular lasagna to me with a hint of Posted by Earlier today , Nikko was running around in the living room again and tripped . He fell and hit his mouth on the floor again , this time on the hardwood . I saw that he had a small cut behind his upper lip , but not nearly as deep as the previous cut . It bled a little bit , but I wonder if that soured his appetite for the rest of the day because he didn 't eat much at lunch or dinner . He ate a small piece of pizza at lunch , but had no seconds . Dinner was a total bust where he nibbled on one ear of his Mickey Mouse nugget and abandoned the rest . I hope he 'll be better at eating tomorrow . His demeanor today was also very off , wasn 't interested in interacting and sought me out just to sit in my lap . Ronin had speech therapy and it went all right . Ronin 's still very much into Cars and he didn 't want to be without McQueen . Pete was still able to get some words out of him . Audrey kept trying to crawl right in the middle of everything , and Nikko kept to himself . After therapy , Audrey went down for a nap and Ronin wanted to watch Roary the Race Car . Lunchtime crept around and Ronin fell asleep in the high chair . When that happens , he doesn 't need a 2pm nap . That also means I should take the opportunity to take the kids somewhere . But it was a rainy day so playing outside was out for me . Also , Audrey is at the crawling stage so going to the ball pit wouldn 't be fun for her . I wracked my brains trying to think of a place I could manage them by myself but I had no place to go ( Kohl Children 's Museum would have been a madhouse during a rainy day , and I would totally lose both boys in there - Nikko to the water room , and Ronin would be everywhere while Audrey suffered in the Bjorn trying to go play . Not fair for everyone . Unless someone on the staff wanted to babysit my kids ! LOL ! Since we really didn 't need to go to Costco , I decided to take the kids to Target with the primary objective of getting a Cars toy for Nikko or Ronin , and snacking the kids in their cafeteria . I took the long way so that 2 out of the 3 could take a nap , whPosted by Hmmm . . . Nikko was not in his greatest form today . We just got back from dropping off the Civic to get the interior cleaned , Nikko fell asleep for about 20 minutes in the carseat , and now he 's mopey . I wonder if it will take him a long time to fall back to sleep tonight . He 's also a tad crabby . Denis and I tried to do the parachute with him ( using a big blanket ) but he just lay on a pillow on the floor and wasn 't interactive at all . He seemed tired and sleepy during bedtime stories , and we nixed the songs altogether . I hope he 's ok tomorrow . It was a rainy , gloomy day today spent indoors and at home . Nikko spent most of his time playing at the table near the picture window , racing some cars back and forth across the tabletop ( I don 't believe it was totally stimming ; he didn 't have his eyes glued to the wheels or anything , kind of moved his whole body along the edge of the table so he wasn 't sitting still ) and also fiddling with cars and a car carrier attached to a big rig . At one point he brought the rig and carrier to me for help in getting a car into it , but the car was DJ , a blue car with " wings " that were wider than the carrier so it wouldn 't fit . I gave him another car as a substitute . I also broke out a big container of Mr . Potato Head parts that I got from Costco . It came w / a Mr . , a Mrs . , and two spud juniors . Ronin and Audrey were interested , but Nikko showed only mild interest at first . Later I brought Mrs . Potato Head to him and he gave a high five upon request . I played the Your Baby Can Read DVD to the kids in the earlier part of the morning but they lost interest . And of course I played the Cars DVD . Nikko didn 't pay much attention to the movie when we first watched it , but today he seemed to be interested in the whole thing . I may have to get another Lightning McQueen metal car because he keeps swiping Ronin 's car . I generally don 't like getting duplicate toys because that 's just more toys to clutter up the living room , but McQueen is becoming the source of much stress on a daily basis . Something else Posted by The morning was short because I planned to take the kids to mom 's house around lunchtime . Nikko was acting like normal so I knew that his lip was on the road to healing . It 's filled with white stuff so that 's gotta be a good thing ( unless it 's " weeping " , according to Atz . Then it 's pus and not a good thing . Eeeeeeew ) . I gave the kids a light snack around 11a , put Audrey down for a nap and then started packing things up to leave . Also packed stuff we 'd need later for our last swimming adventure of the season , when Denis comes home early from work . It 's a good thing I did this early because , just to jump ahead a little , the traffic coming home was challenging so when I got home I was able to just grab the swim stuff , towels , and refill juice bottles . Anyway , we got to mom 's house and had lunch in the sunroom . Nikko found an interest in the water spray can that Dad was using on his indoor orchids . It looks like a large cylinder with a pump handle for the water pressure and a little hand - held hose for controlled spraying . I 'm kind of glad Nikko didn 't figure out how to spray the water because we 'd all have been drenched if he knew . Mom looked at Nikko 's lip and said he was going to be fine . Dad said the same thing , then he left for work . We didn 't stay very long because I had to get us home for swimming and Mom hadn 't slept yet from working the night before . I just wanted to go there for lunch to see Dad before he goes to work , to let Mom check out Nikko 's lip , and for lola bonding time since I didn 't come over the day before . When I was loading the kids into the Pilot , I was piling the bags into the front seat and putting Audrey into her carseat when I heard Mom saying , " Nikko , come give mom a hug ! " She was standing in the middle of the front lawn with her arms wide open . He refused her a few times , running along the sidewalk and running up to me in case I disappeared somewhere . But when I turned after snapping Audrey 's car seat into the base , I heard Mom calling for a hug again , saw Nikko running toward her and whiPosted by Well , no words today and for good reason . . . This morning I was vacuuming in the living room . The kids were playing around , their usual a . m . Nikko was lying tummy down on the couch near the armrest , watching TV . He can easily crawl / leap over the armrest , and has been crashing into the couch and walls for the past three days . I 'm not sure how but he was scooting off the couch , lost his balance and his chin hit the striped ottoman at the base of the couch . The vacuum was off , and I heard a slight CRUNCH on impact . Then Nikko started to cry / scream . I worried that maybe he knocked one of his upper teeth out , so I tried to wobble them but they were stable . Then the blood started welling around his bottom teeth . I saw a dark mound on the inner lip and ran him into the kitchen for a paper towel . Audrey was underfoot and started crying to add to the mix . When I looked at the lip after soaking up some blood , I saw a small gash in the soft part of the inner lip and it was bleeding a lot . I tried to put an icepack on it but Nikko wouldn 't have it . I started moaning that we might have to go to the ER , so I called Atz . She said she 'd come over for the babies and that I should call the pediatrician for instructions . While I did , Nikko was crying really hard but I held him close . Audrey continued to follow us , wailing . I found a pacifier for her and tried to plug her up . When I got the ped office , they gave me to the nurse who could barely hear me because two kids were screaming . I had to release Nikko and grab Audrey , shoved the paci in her mouth and put her in the pack n ' play in our bedroom . Time for her morning nap , slightly early . She protested , but in the end she caved in . Meanwhile Nikko had scampered to the Thomas chairs in front of the mirrored corner and had his burp cloth in his mouth . The bleeding had stopped . I couldn 't really tell how long the gash was , and muttered that it looked like 2 cm . " Is it 2mm or 2cm ? Because 2 cm equals an inch , " the nurse asked calmly . I wasn 't really feeling calm , and said I didn 't have Posted by Today we went to the Illinois Railway Museum to experience A Day Out With Thomas , in Union , IL . It wasn 't totally smooth , but it was enjoyable overall . This morning we tried to do what we could to leave on time ( 9 : 15 ) but on the way to the Creens for a [ shifted ] 9 : 45 meetup we had to turn around because I forgot Audrey 's bottle . We lost about 8 minutes . When we got to the Creens , Denis realized he forgot his wallet . Another turnaround . Needless to say , we didn 't quite meet our departure goals . The kids were in good spirits because we put in the Cars DVD . Nikko 's eyes were fastened to the screen , and only when Denis accidentally turned it off did both boys protest loudly . Geez . We used the triple stroller for this adventure . I used a beach towel to put under Nikko because the front seat of the stroller wasn 't designed for a 38 pound boy and the seat was slumped inward . I had gotten some dogtags printed for Nikko and Ronin ( mypreciouskid . com ) with contact info should they get separated from us , so I tagged Nikko . He didn 't mind or even care about it on his belt loop . We met up with Pat , Anna , Jovy ( who loves Thomas stuff ) , and the Creen family to enjoy the day . It was really busy / crowded and I let Nikko run around while we waited for the others to enjoy climbing onto some train cars , but it was a little unnerving watching him walk against the flow of traffic or pivot haphazardly in front of strangers . There was one instant where he took off for about 20 feet , but he did turn around when I called to him and stayed still . It was when we were waiting to get onto the Thomas train that Nikko was antsy and trying to free himself from my hand . He didn 't go anywhere , but I wished that I had put the harness on him so that I wouldn 't have to use a steely , sweaty grip on his hand . He didn 't seem to mind me leading him by the hand earlier when we walked between some rail cars . I 'm sure both boys were tired of being dragged around by the hand and the arm , so it was no wonder that Ronin had a big meltdown when we rode the trolleyPosted by I 'll start with the end of the day . Nikko got to bed late ( around 10p ) and by 11 : 20p I could still hear him in his room , laughing . I think he trailed off after another ten minutes , but this was a very late night for him . He took a late nap today , between 5 : 30 - 6 : 30 , so maybe that set him back . But I don 't think so , because this evening we took the kids to Woodfield Mall so that Denis could check out a Bachrach suit while the kids ( first ate , then ) played in the Looney Tunes play area . The place was seriously crowded . There were kids of all different heights so I feared putting Audrey on the floor for long in case someone trampled her . Ronin held his own , climbing all over the characters , and Nikko mainly ran back and forth along a carpeted pathway . He climbed a little bit , but mostly weaved between parents and kids . No collisions for him today . Denis and I saw a little boy collide with another and got knocked to the ground . The boy sat crying while the other ran away . I think the boy got clipped by someone else running by . Then , a little skinny curly - haired girl ran by , stopped , cranked her arm back and whacked the boy on the head . I saw this and was shocked , wondered if the girl was a sister , wondered where the boy 's mom was . Then the girl whacked the boy again ! I was holding Audrey and told Denis that the poor boy was getting beat , and I shifted nervously because no mom was coming to his rescue . The girl wasn 't finished . She flexed her arms , took a step back and drop - kicked the boy in the midsection . Denis and I both said , " Ooooo ! " like when we watch UFC fighter get clocked with a money punch that brings him down . She stepped back to do it again and I started walking toward the boy to try and save him from the girl 's punishment . She went ahead and kicked him again , and was reeling back to continue when the girl 's mom finally ran to her just as I got to the scene . Mom made the girl apologize , asked the boy where his mom was and didn 't get a clear answer , so she then hauled her daughter to the entrance to sit in aPosted by Nikko 's been kinda klutzy today . He was running back and forth in the kitchen quite fast and hard , and of course he tripped up and fell head first into the door . There was a little indent near the corner of his eye and I tried the ice pack but was rebuffed immediately . It must have hurt . Nikko was also leaping onto the couch via the square ottoman and scraped his shin . Ow . Ronin had speech today with Pete and he did all right . Ronin 's on this Cars kick where he 's carrying Lightning McQueen ( or " a Queen ! a Queen ! " ) and Tow Mater ( or " Thow MAYtrrrr ! " ) all over the place . It was hard to get him away from the Cars and focus on something else , but Pete said he was able to work with it . Didn 't really look like it to me , but oh well . Nikko kept to himself a lot , so I had to go over to him and give him hugs and see if he was all right by himself . Audrey kept trying to get into Ronin 's cars . After therapy , I put Audrey down for a nap and then decided to take the boys outside to play before lunch . Nikko was content to run up and down the driveway at his own pace , but Ronin was putting McQueen into the dirt , raking the dirt with his fingers , and sitting in the dirt which I 'd say was borderline mud . It unnerved me that he was getting so dirty . I gotta take a breather about the boys getting dirty , because I let it really upset me . We got inside , I got them lunch , and then really wondered what I could do with the kids in the afternoon . I didn 't want to bring them to the grocery , even though we really need to get some stuff . I was wracking my brain trying to think of an enclosed area where there wasn 't too much chaos that I could safely watch the kids while they played . Woodfield Mall has a nice kid area but it gets too crowded and chaotic . The Elk Grove Park District had brief toddler hours ( 10a - 2p ! ) . Then I remembered the kid area / ball pit at the Rec Plex in Mount Prospect . That 's where we ended up , for $ 1 per boy . On the website it stated that it was for kids at least 3 yrs and less than 46 " tall , so I was prepared to cover Posted by I had Nikko harnessed and ready at 8am for the bus . We went out to the driveway ; Denis , Audrey and Ronin joined us , happy to be outside so early in the morning . I adjusted the harness the night before so that I wouldn 't have to spend time fiddling with it while trying to zip Nikko into it . He pulled at it a bit , but I patted his chest and tried to distract him . Eventually he ignored it and was running up and down the sidewalk like there was nothing on him . Down the block I saw the polish lady with her two twins waiting at the corner . A school bus came and picked them up . To my surprise , the bus pulled up to our house and opened its doors . I thought we were getting the short bus , but I recognized the driver from her web picture and we scurried on . There were about 10 - 15 kids on already with their parents and we grabbed a seat over the tire mid - back . Nikko was curious but also tense as he sat on my lap . I looked around and couldn 't find any seat belts or loops to strap Nikko in , and so I wondered if we were on the wrong bus to begin with . I stayed quiet , figuring that my questions would get answered soon . Sure enough , I found out that our bus is one of three new ones in the fleet and that the first few seats had five - point harnesses built in behind a velcro flap , so the harness we currently had was not necessary . That 's great news because it is so bulky ! I would try those seats on the way home . Our bus came around 8 : 15 or so , but I 'll keep going out around 8 - ish just until I can learn her timing . It will take some time to strap Nikko in , which I 'll have to do every time he boards the bus , but hopefully it will be a quick buckle - in and good bye . I think he will absolutely freak out on the first day of school , so I hope the teacher aides that will receive him will be kind to him ( I 'm sure they will ! ) . We got to the school and joined everyone on the grassy front where the principal , Vince the Transportation Manager , and a host of other people were giving speeches . I learned most of the info I need from our bus driver , Posted by In about seven hours is the practice bus run for Nikko 's preschool . I 'm allowed to go with him . We 'll ride the bus , get off , have a quick speech , get back on and go home . Should take about an hour tops . Then we 'll have our session with Bo at 10 : 30 . She couldn 't make it today so it was moved to tomorrow . I told Chinny not to come because I 'll try to handle Ronin on the side with the DVD player . I 'll also try to put Audrey down for a nap either before Bo comes or at least 15 minutes into the session . Nikko didn 't seem very all right from the getgo today . He was whining while I dressed Ronin , as if Nikko was trying to go to the bathroom . He also didn 't seem to walk well , as if he were hurting in the groin because he tiptoed when he walked . I couldn 't see any problems in his diaper so early in the morning . Around 11am after I put down Audrey I decided to take the boys outside to run around a bit . Ronin was excited and ruled the tricycle , but Nikko didn 't seem to want to run around much . He also rode the tricycle and I had to wrestle it away from Ronin because Nikko rides it so infrequently lately . I wrote on the driveway with sidewalk chalk and the boys liked sitting in the middle of the runway I drew . It also made them extremely dirty . It was lunchtime next . Ronin fell asleep in the high chair , Nikko ate some mac cheese and a nugget , and then Audrey joined us with a bottle . Because Ronin napped , I was able to get us ready to go to Costco and we got out of the house around 3pm . The trip went quickly , except for Ronin whining for some cookies . Luckily I had some on hand and was able to ration it between them . When we got home I took another opportunity to let the boys play outside for a little bit . It was mild but humid outside so we didn 't last long before I hauled everyone inside to wash hands . I 'm trying to get us on a schedule that 's geared toward preschool , so I didn 't want the kids to snack a whole lot before a 6 : 30p dinner . They were getting cranky around 6 : 20 but I was able to stretch it until Ronin started goiPosted by Our day was pretty calm until we had to leave for the peds office . Nikko started doing some crashing ; he would run from the couch , stomping his feet hard , straight to Ronin 's high chair in the kitchen . He 'd turn around , poise himself in the doorway , then run stomping back and dive into the couch . Totally got sweaty this way . He was doing this after dinner as well . Perhaps it 's a result of not getting any time outside to run around . He also didn 't have a good appetite for lunch . Maybe the 3 sippy cups of chocolate milk filled him up way too much ? His visit to the ped was good . I whipped out the DVD player and put in Cars so both boys would watch . Nikko was still getting restless so I gave him a lollipop and that immediately calmed him down . Ronin wanted one , too , but I wouldn 't give him one until after his hepatitis A shot . Nikko is 38 " tall , and weighs 38 pounds . 50th percentile in height , but 95th percentile in weight . Yep , not like I didn 't already know he was a heavy kid ! Before bath time , Denis got the boys running around downstairs . One thing he 's been doing for two days is taking two hula hoops and holding them vertically so the boys will walk / hop / run through them . Today he started holding them in variable positions : further apart , slightly unaligned , and then a few inches above the ground . " This has got to be good for his motor planning , eh ? " he asked me , and I couldn 't agree more . It 's probably quite excellent for his motor planning skills , since Nikko has to think about how to walk through the hoops , then make adjustments so he 's balanced , especially if they are off the ground . It 's a brilliant idea , also on the pinnacle of an obstacle course . Circumstances worked strangely in my favor today . We were waiting for the Creens to come by around 11a to drop off Lego when I checked a missed call and it was Gail . I called her to hear that they wanted to keep Lego a while longer . I was shocked . Her reasoning was that Lego seemed to blend in nicely with their family thus far ; she took Lego off his incontinence drugs and he immediately perked up and was social , looking for affection whereas before he slept all day and didn 't want anything to do with anyone ; Grizzly and Lego seemed to like each other 's company ; Riley was attached to Lego . It 's definitely a load off my mind not to have Lego around while Audrey is crawling all over the place , but I really do hope that Gail and her family are ok with having another dog around the house . I trust that if Gail really couldn 't handle having another dependent , she would tell me and we 'd make the arrangements to get him back . Denis misses having Lego around , but also acknowledged that he is extra work for him right now . I told Gail we 'd revisit the domestic situation again in a few months , perhaps after Audrey is walking . So we are dog - free for a while longer . Back to Nikko . He has a physical exam at the peds tomorrow . Ronin is also scheduled for his two year appointment . I have to bring a form that allows OT services during school hours . I 'm going to have to start pushing back our bedtimes to accommodate Nikko getting ready for the bus . I 'll have to wake up a little before 7a to get Nikko dressed , at the table by 7 : 15a , give him breakfast and tend to Audrey who will probably be waking up , possibly Ronin too , then final diaper change if needed by 7 : 45a , and ready for bus pickup by 8am . We 'll have to see how things go for the first two weeks of school to find out exactly what time the bus will come for Nikko at the door . I guess this is my routine for the next 21 years , huh ? : O Nikko has been doing ok lately . More eye contact with me , more easygoingness with me in terms of following directions around the house . When I ask hPosted by Today is a rant that has nothing to do about Nikko , unfortunately . Our day was a home day , but I managed to get the boys outside while Audrey napped . Nikko sat down in the middle of the driveway , looking down toward the street , and then would run back and forth while verbalizing . No exploring today , and just a little bit of sidewalk chalk for him . I 've been upset the past two days because I don 't have any control over the situation regarding Lego , our dog . He is coming back to us on Saturday . The lady who was caring for him since January ( Denis ' coworker 's mom ) moved into an assisted living for physical rehab and can no longer care for Lego . The Creens are generous enough to be taking care of him in the interim , but Gail and I both know it 's not a forever thing by any means . I should be grateful that we have been dog - free for 7 months , but my stomach is turning when I think about what lies ahead . Lego is currently on medication for his incontinence , so that 's probably a good thing - less leakage . But that doesn 't mean NO leakage . Audrey is an avid crawler right now , going everywhere and putting everything in her mouth . I shudder when I picture her crawling on our kitchen floor with Lego around , but that 's exactly what it 's going to be from now on . She 's going to have dried ( or worse , wet ) dog pee or spit on her hands , and those hands will go right into her mouth . The food from the kids ' high chairs will be scattered on the floor and Lego will eagerly swoop in to lick it up . Not quite a " clean " floor by my standards , just a dog - spit - smeared one that the kids will have on the bottoms of their feet which will walk all over the living room . Great . It may be hard to believe , but I am not a dog hater . I AM NOT A DOG HATER . I just don 't like owning a dog , especially when I have babies around . I am also not a germophobe ; my house is too dusty and crumby for that . But the thought of the dog pee , spit and whatever else gets dragged in to transfer to the kids makes me so uneasy . If Audrey were already walking , and not puttingPosted by Perhaps Nikko 's late night last night caused him to sleep in a bit , but we all woke up around 9am ! VERY late for us ( Denis went to work around 6 : 30 ) . Nikko even got tired around 11am and took a nap , which threw off lunch . Our timing today was all off . Still , we managed to make it to mom 's house by almost 4 , stayed until 6 , just to have snack and hang out for a little bit . The boys were behaved and Audrey was crawling everywhere . At home , Nikko didn 't seem very lively today . It 's probably because he was tired from the day before . But he was still animated enough to flip pages of books and jump around in front of the mirrors . At night , down in the basement with Denis and the rest of us , he was practicing jumping over a cylindrical toy he placed on the floor . He would stand in front of it , jump with two feet off the ground and land right behind it . Denis said he looked like he was doing one of those Olympic jumps into a sand box . It says a lot to me that his coordination and balance is getting really good . Another noteworthy action today is that Nikko was trying very hard to put on his Crocs when I mentioned it was time to go outside . I think his Crocs just fit him so it 's harder to scootch his toes upward , whereas Ronin 's are a bit bigger for him . Finally , on two occasions today I was giving kisses and told Nikko to kiss Audrey . And he did , with a purposeful lean - in toward her cheek . I praised him for each one . Yea ! I was stressing a little bit this morning because Chinny is in San Francisco this week visiting Eric . I forgot that she 'd be gone all week , so I would have 3 kids to worry about during Nikko 's Developmental Therapy today . Fortunately , I put Audrey down for a 10 : 30am nap and I had only Ronin left to keep busy . I put the Cars DVD in the portable player , set it up by the window , and he was entranced for 30 minutes before he touched a button that made things FF so he came to bother us . I wasn 't sure how the session would go because Nikko didn 't want to put together the first animal wooden puzzle . When we started singing cleanup , however , he helped put all the pieces back into the bag , then signed that he wanted More . We took that to mean More toys . Bo got another toy , a peg board with colored pegs that he was supposed to line up by color . During this , I asked Bo about her son , when he started talking and if she did anything to help him learn , since she indicated to me that he had developmental delays ( but not autism ) . She said he started talking on his own , but it took a while . I then started telling her about my cookie scenario with Nikko the other day , how he cried and fought for it , and in the end he gave up after all those tears , and still didn 't get the cookie . I felt bad that it happened . Bo must have felt bad for Nikko and told me that she would have given him the cookie in the end , knowing that that is exactly what you 're not supposed to do , because she didn 't think it was worth it for him to be crying and crying so hard for just a cookie . I told her I was trying to get him to say Cookie , and he shook his head NO as if he understood what I wanted but didn 't want to say it . Bo said , " How would you like it if someone tried to make you do something you didn 't want to do ? " I said I 'd be mad , and then she also said , " If Nikko is trying to communicate with you by using signs , or pulling you toward what he wants , you should accept his attempts to communicate . " Bo 's words made me think that perhaps I pushed him too hPosted by I don 't know if it was a bad thing or a good thing , but today sometime after lunch , Nikko wanted an Oreo cookie . I decided to try holding the cookie to my face , saying " Cookie " , and waiting for him to attempt to say it . Sounds easy , just like in the book , but it SO wasn 't easy . Nikko saw that I was holding out on the cookie , and probably understood that I wanted him to say it . He shook his head NO violently , as if telling me that I wasn 't going to get him to say anything . I was patient and calmly kept modeling " Cookie . " Nikko was furious . He tantrumed . He cried , screamed , threw himself into the wall , threw himself onto the floor many times , tried to pry the cookie from my fingers . Mad , angry , frustrated . Audrey sat in her high chair looking on , silent . I think Nikko tantrumed for 10 , maybe 15 minutes . It was a looooooong time . In the end he ran into the living room a few times in a fury , ran back to me , then ultimately ran to Denis , grabbed a burp cloth sitting on the sofa , and didn 't come back . I think he tired himself out so much that he fell asleep sitting up on the couch . I felt so bad , but during the tantrum I knew that I couldn 't give him the cookie now , it was the point of no return and giving in would defeat everything I was doing . So , no cookie for Nikko . : ( We didn 't revisit this for the rest of the day . I am dreading doing it again tomorrow . Denis decided this morning that he wanted for us to try to make it to Sabbath school in Hinsdale . After the kids were dressed I was scrambling trying to find something to wear . They came into our room and I told the boys they looked so cute in their khakis and collared shirts . I looked at Nikko , who stood in the doorway , and he was neither happy nor sad , just standing there . He looked like a cute , big boy , but for some reason I felt enormous sadness because he was not talking or saying any words . I am still reading that Overcoming Autism book and am on the chapter about speech . It 's telling me to get him to talk by encouraging him with something that he is really motivated about , either a toy or food . This is probably where FS could come into play . I 'll write more about this tomorrow , but I am coming to the conclusion that Nikko is not going to just start talking on his own , as we sit here waiting for him to start talking . I am going to seriously have to work with him harder so that he will learn how to talk . I do this with Ronin , and he catches on because he 's NT ( neurotypical aka normal toddler ) . Nikko is going to take more work , that 's all . The craft portion of Sabbath school didn 't start right away . I guess church was running late . The boys wandered in a big rec room , peeking their heads into the craft room . When the people running the activities finally came in and kids congregated , we sat down at a table and started working with crayons and butterfly printouts . Someone had made Nikko a paper airplane to entertain himself , but he also found a popsicle stick with pipe cleaners wrapped around it very interesting . Nikko enjoyed the open space and did some running around , but it was getting crowded as the service ended so we had to go . My MIL wants us to stay for the potluck , but we didn 't today . A lady asked me why we don 't stay and I honestly told her that it was too hard to take care of my three kids , it would be easier if we go . And it is hard , even though you might think with people there who know us it woulPosted by I was busy during most of the day trying to clean and straighten things up before the evening . We were hosting family dinner for the Alog side to celebrate Nikko and Ronin 's birthdays . If the weather was good , we 'd play outside . If bad , we 'd stay indoors . It was drizzling all day . I had to write a to do list to stay on course , including clearing Space Bags into Nikko 's closet , cleaning the kitchen sink , wiping down the stove , and dusting the tv speaker stands in the living room . I didn 't put cleaning up the bathroom on the list , but that was a necessity . I was able to accomplish things late at night , but also when one or all of the kids were napping . Even Nikko fell asleep this afternoon for almost an hour . When family members arrived around 5 : 30 , the kids were excited and bopped around them . Nikko did some light crashing , but I think he also enjoyed having different people around him in the living room . He 's been giving me some good eye contact lately , really putting his face into mine . For some reason , he wanted me to be in the living room nearby during all the chaos because he kept coming into the kitchen and pulling me into the living room . He pulled so hard that he actually hurt my shoulder in the socket . Ronin 's 2nd birthday was today . He seemed happy , not as whiny as usual but that doesn 't mean he didn 't whine at all today . We spent the afternoon at Mom 's house . Nikko must have eaten 4 or 5 egg rolls , which were rather tasty , so I didn 't expect much of an appetite from him . Despite his full belly , he still had room for icing from the strawberry torte cake , and even for the chocolate frosting on the dairy / egg / peanut free cake I made for Ronin . The day was good , except for the part when Ronin , while playing with a coffee half & half container , squeezed it in his hands and it exploded , half of it onto his face . I heard mom and Atz groan about it , then immediately wet a napkin to wipe off his face . The splotching was already present after a few seconds , and as we hunted for some cortisone the splotches got redder and slightly rashed . We finally found some cortisone and I slathered it onto his chin , cheeks and forehead , but Ronin was already uncomfortable from the itchiness and he wasn 't a happy camper until he got to sleep it off on the way home . I started reading another book today titled Overcoming Autism ; Finding the Answers , Strategies , and Hope That Can Transform A Child 's Life . Yes , another autism book , but the reviews were good and from reading the introduction I 'm looking forward to reading this further . It sounds like a situation I can relate to . I felt like it was another one of those hurry up and wait kind of days . I 'm not sure why but the kiddies are waking up slightly later than usual . At least Audrey is ; I 'm not entirely sure what time Nikko wakes up for the past few days because he doesn 't cry out . He lays in bed and jargons to himself in a low to medium voice . This has offset Audrey 's naptime a bit . Her 10 : 30 - 10 : 45 naptime has been pushed almost to 11 : 45 , which means a later nap = later waking up . This delays her lunchtime bottle and thus if we are going out anywhere it 's also later . That 's why our mall outing was delayed , that 's why today 's store outing was delayed too . After Audrey had her bottle I hurried to get diapers changed so we could get out the door to Costco . Nikko started asking me for something . I worried that it was ice cream , or vitamins , and I felt really rushed so I was snapping at him and raising my voice . Chinny noticed and told me to calm down . I was exasperated because the boys kept asking for things like crackers and cookies and I didn 't want to give in because it was far from snack time . I was also embarrassed and ashamed that Chinny had to tell me that Nikko was getting more upset because I was talking so loudly . She 's right , and I should have calmed down . It 's worse when someone else points out things that you already know , probably acknowledged but haven 't done anything about . I have looked up anger management and calming techniques online , and I 've documented about the anxious bubble , but I still get agitated , and I do raise my voice . I 've got to control this vicious cycle ! Our trip to Costco would have been great since the boys fell asleep but for some reason Audrey chose this day to not like being in her car seat and to not like her pacifier at all . She cried and screamed on the way to the store , was quiet while I carried her in the Bjorn , and continued her rage on the way home . No diaper problems , no pinched skin , so I have NO idea why she acted this way . Perhaps it 's just one of those times she didn 't want to be in thePosted by |
Got another round of snow today - 10 inches . Five more on the way tomorrow . What a winter . Why do all the storms fall on weekends or holidays ? I sure am getting gyped out of some good snow days ! So unfair . I shoveled a path around my garden - so the dogs can run circles around the yard . They were thrilled and spent most of the morning running at top speed . I also put a couple poles across the snow banks for some " winter agility " . Watching their Daddy plow the driveway . Here is a video of Oreo running from Misty . It 's hard to see Misty , as Oreo is way ahead of her for most of the time ! He 's got that youth thing going for him . Have to give kudos to Misty for even trying to keep up with him . Warning : video may cause dizziness . Hope everyone has a safe and happy new year 's eve . Jeff and I will be eating lobster and staying in . I 'll probably be sound asleep by 9 : 30 . Written by On Christmas day , my Dad showed Jeff his childhood Lionel train set . What is it with men and train sets ? Just being near a train set , instantly transforms grown men into kids in a candy shop . OK , I 'll admit , my Dad 's trains are really cool . I loved playing with them when I was a kid . He has some cars that actually do things - like the milk man who puts the bottles of milk on the platform . My favorite . Jeff was impressed by the heft of the control box . He loves how all the cars are made of metal , not plastic . Nothing is made in China . In fact , it is made in NY . Jeff loves the history of the train set , and could picture my Dad setting it up with my Paki in their dining room . Jeff wants to get it up and running , so that he can pass it on to Theo and Miles when they are old enough to appreciate the trains and their history . Jeff brought the boxes of trains to our house , to see if he could get them up and running . He set up a small circle of track , put the engine on the track , and it was off and running . He called me down to the basement to check it out . I had to get down on the ground to take in a good whiff of the train . The smell brought me right back to being ten years old . There was a button on the controller that Jeff didn 't know what it was for . To my own amazement , I remembered that if you pressed it once , the train stops , press it again and the train goes backward . I knew the big button was the train 's whistle . Since then , Jeff has done nothing but search ebay for tracks , and other train accessories . At first , he was going to set up a track near the ceiling of his room , and have the train go around the room . After seeing the train , he now has bigger ambitions , involving several sheets of plywood . Where to put it ? Move over choppers , there 's a new obsession in the basement . Oreo and I have been practicing our hallway agility course for a week now . He is a really fast learner . When I say , " Let 's go do ' gility " , Oreo runs to the hallway . Oreo will now jump 7 inches high , go thru the tunnel , follow me to a bedroom , " look at me " , sit and stay for five seconds and then we reverse . He does this sequence with about 80 % accuracy , without treats . It is amazing ! Getting Oreo to sit for five seconds , the legal requirement in agility competitions , without feeding him treats has been our greatest accomplishment . He just learned that today , and has already mastered it . Jeff was very impressed when I showed him . Oreo has never been very obedient about sitting unless I had food in my hand . So , to see him sit and stay while I counted to five is huge ! I often find Oreo " practicing " on his own , by going in and out of the tunnel . He loves it . Still waiting for the agility kit to arrive - where is it already ? I am very anxious to start training Oreo on the weave poles . The snow is almost melted , and will probably be all gone by the end of the weekend . If the yard wasn 't a giant mud pit , we could set it up outside . All the research says that shelties need a job , due to their high intelligence and history of being herding dogs . Only the border collie is smarter than the sheltie . Hopefully , agility will become Oreo 's new job , and he will finally retire from chewing furniture . Here is a video of our hallway agility . Unfortunately , there is no sound - so pretend you can hear me saying , " jump , tunnel , over here , look at me , sit , stay , tunnel , etc . . . " Oreo usually runs this course much faster , but I was trying to slow him down so the camera could keep up . The faster he goes , the more excited he gets , which results in a lot of jumping up and down at the end . I love how Misty kind of follows along , as long as she can avoid the tunnel ! It was a year ago today , that we had Munchkin put to sleep . It seems as though so much time has passed , but the memories of those last days are still fresh . The pain can resurface when I least expect it . Choosing to put your dog to sleep can be the best gift you ever give to a pet , especially when they are suffering from chronic pain . Doing so , however , toys with your emotions . How can we ever know it was the right time ? For a long time , my heart doubted my decision , even though my brain told me it was the right thing to do . Every Christmas , Munchkin would plop himself down in my mom 's kitchen , right in front of the oven . He could smell the beef cooking , and knew " the food lady " would soon be sneaking him meat and filling up his bowl with beef and buttered toast . That was Munchkin 's last meal . This year , my shy Misty , took Munchkin 's spot in the kitchen . You can see where dogs ' true loyalties lie - in their bellies . Munchkin watching the " food lady " Munchkin would always sleep on my pillow , or curled up next to me under the covers . Recently , Oreo has taken over that spot at night . Oreo curls himself up in a ball , snuggles up , and lets out a big sigh . Heaven . During the last few weeks of Munchkin 's life , he had difficulty walking on our vinyl and wood floors . He was in too much pain to hold his legs up on the slippery surfaces . He would fall and then couldn 't get up . Jeff went out and bought lots of carpet runners , so Munchkin wouldn 't fall so much . Now , I will be using those runners to help Oreo get better traction while using our indoor agility course . Oreo is learning so quickly , and I feel like our bond has grown so much since we started agility just a few days ago . I hope someday my bond with Oreo will be as strong as the one I had with Munchkin . Munchkin was so in tune with my emotions . He watched and studied me . There was so much trust between us . He always knew when I was coming home , even if I had been gone for a few days . I gave Munchkin the best life that I could , and he enriched my life in so many ways . MuWritten by Here 's to a safe , peaceful and fun Christmas ! Oreo has lots of presents , on top of his crate . No tree this year , as I am sure Oreo would have eaten all the ornaments ! His best present will be arriving late this year . Check out what I just ordered for him ( me ) : I 'm sure when it gets here , Jeff will say , " I could have made that " . Then , he will get to work making me more jumps and inevitably start selling them on Ebay . I also ordered a 9 foot long tunnel . Oreo loves his 3 foot cardboard tunnel , so I am anxious to see how he feels about a really long one , which is also bendable . Today , Oreo 's sole obsession will be all the kielbasa and golumbki smells in the kitchen . I almost lost the kielbasa to Oreo 's high jumping ability when I had my back turned for 2 seconds . I heard the leap up , and Oreo was almost able to grab it off the counter , before I yelled , " No " . Considering the fact that I had to try 3 stores before I was able to find the kielbasa , it could have been disastrous . Right now , Oreo is barking at the stationary broom in the bathroom - just waiting for it to move . Do you think this dog needs an outlet for his energy ? That agility kit can 't come soon enough ! Happy 1st Birthday Oreo ! ! ! Can 't believe how much you 've grown ! Here 's to many healthy , happy years of balls , jerky , chases , running , jumping , attacking the vacumm , singing , digging , hiding , etc . Written by Since the dog walking thing has become a thing of the past , due to weather and killer dogs , I have begun looking for other means to exercise my dogs . Oreo has learned to jump , so I decided to try training him for agility . For the past two days , I have set up what my students would call a " ghetto " agility course in my hallway . Instead of a fancy , retractable tunnel , I have an opened up cardboard box . Instead of a sturdy PVC jump , I have some cardboard boxes holding up a swiffer broom . Thank goodness we order everything on line , which provides an endless supply of cardboard in all shapes and sizes . I set the jump up across the whole hallway , so that the dogs have no choice but to jump if they want to get down the hall . I have it low enough so they can 't crawl under it . This seems to be working . Both Oreo and Misty have done countless " jumps " . Whether they are doing it because I am telling them to is highly questionable . The fact that I have jerky in my pocket may also be a motivator . Regardless , I get excited when I say " jump " and they do . The tunnel is a little trickier . I couldn 't get a box as wide as the hallway , so I have to be a little more diligent about my commands . It took about ten times , and Oreo will now " tunnel " on command about 50 % of the time . 100 % of the time if I put a treat in the tunnel . I am so proud when I say " tunnel " and Oreo goes right to the box and walks through . Misty , on the other hand , is terrified of the tunnel , and will only go through if I push her . Oreo waits on the other side of the box with his head peeking in , like " Come on Misty , it 's fun , go through the box . " When Oreo jumps on command , and then follows with an immediate " tunnel " , I get really excited . This is the dogs ' favorite part . I jump up and down , and sing their praises in a really high voice ( which I am sure would be highly annoying to all of you ) . They lavish in my love and jump all over me . We may never be ready for competition , but it sure is fun . Can 't wait to start on the weave poles . . . hmmm . . . maybe some ski poles would woWritten by Woke up to some pretty snow this morning . I love it when it sticks to the tree branches . It always makes everything seem so peaceful and quiet . I brought Oreo to the vet today for his recheck . Oreo now has a clean bill of health . His wounds are healing nicely , and we just have to finish another week of antibiotics . Getting him to take that is a challenge . I try hiding it in food , but he is on to me . He eats the food and leaves the pill behind . Even the ol ' standby of peanut butter isn 't working for him . There were tons of dogs , of all sizes , at the vet , because all the employees were having a group photo taken , with all their pets . Oreo did a little low growling at the big dogs , but no barking . So , I saw that as a positive sign . Misty went nose to nose with the dogs , but made sure to keep the rest of her body as far away as possible for a quick escape . She does the same thing with people , so I think she is fine . Now , I just wait for a check from the owners of the attack dogs . . . . Today , would have been Munchie 's 15th birthday ! Happy birthday Munch ! It was warm enough today to actually stay outside for more than 60 seconds . When I got home from school , I brought Oreo 's ball outside and started throwing it for him out in the snow . I have a large area of the yard shoveled , to make it easier for the dogs to get around . Now , I have never been good at any sport involving throwing , catching , or hitting balls . In gym class , I would always set myself as far away from any flying objects as possible . Even then , I almost always ended up getting hit by the ball while trying to avoid having to catch it . Today , I tried to keep Oreo 's ball in the shoveled part of the yard , but of course some throws went astray into the thick snow . When that happened , Oreo would run for the ball , hit the big snow bank , and then look at me , as if to say , " Do I really want the ball bad enough to plow through this snow bank ? " Then , I saw him do something amazing ( at least to me , being the proud mother ) . Instead of jumping into the snow , Oreo would get his belly on top of the snow bank , and then crawl across the top of the snow . He is light enough , that with his body weight evenly dispersed , he didn 't sink into the snow at all . Now , as far as I know , Oreo has never taken a physics course . How did he know to use his whole body to scoot across the top of the snow ? Other , dumber , dogs ( and most people ) would simply jump through the snow . My dog found a better way . Is it instinct , or brilliance ? Misty is my " good child " . Misty does whatever I ask , never gives me any back talk , eats whatever I give her , has never been seriously ill or injured , and gives me hugs and cuddles whenever I need one . I tell Oreo to sit , he ignores me , but Misty sits obediently . I call Oreo , he ignores me , but Misty comes promptly . She doesn 't chew anything but her toys . I can leave her off a leash , and know she will not stray too far from my side . Misty is a perfect dog . Loyal , sweet , docile , beautiful , tolerant , yet she knows how to have a good time . I got Misty a few months after Munchkin was attacked . I had spent so much time at our vet , that when a woman was looking for a good home for her shelties , the vet knew I would be a good person to call . The minute I saw Misty prancing around our yard , I knew I had to have her . It was a little rocky for the first few days , but Munchkin took to her , or at least tolerated her presence . Misty adored Munchkin , although she was jealous of him at times . She was always pushing Munchkin to the side whenever I would pay attention to him . This earned her the nickname , " tank " . When Munchkin died , I don 't know how I could have gotten through that sad time without Misty . She was hurting too , but her cuddles and enthusiasm when I came home each day made the pain a little easier . I didn 't have to come home to a dogless house . That would have been heart wrenching for me . I am lost at home without a dog . It doesn 't happen often , but when both dogs are at the vet I don 't know what to do with myself . I guess that 's how Misty felt when Munchkin died . Misty would wail and cry when we would go to work . She was so lonely without her brother . Bringing Oreo into the house was a huge adjustment for Misty . She had a meltdown , and had to spend the day at the vet . That was the only big vet bill she has had , so far . After a couple weeks , she settled down , and learned to love her new brother . Misty plays with him and doesn 't cry when we go to work anymore . She also keeps Oreo in line . My little babysitter . Oreo is in love with Misty , just like Misty loved Munchkin . I often think Oreo loves Misty more than he loves me . I worry about how he will react when she dies . I worry about me too . How will I cope without my reliable , velcro dog ? Although Misty is my " good child " , she has always played second fiddle to her brothers . Forever the middle child , never getting as much attention as her older or younger brother . She never got the good spot on the couch or bed when Munchkin was around . Oreo is so demanding of my time , that I sometimes feel I am neglecting Misty . Munchkin was my heart dog . Oreo is my baby . Misty is my good girl , and she is probably the best dog I will ever have . Written by Here is a photo of the dogs first things this morning , during the snow / sleet part of the storm : We didn 't get as much snow as originally forecast - which is good for me since Jeff isn 't here to snow blow for me . Here is a video of the pups playing in the snow . As you can see Oreo isn 't letting his injuries slow him down at all ! Really cold today . The dogs could only stay outside for a few minutes , before their paws started to hurt from the cold . They need to put their boots on in this weather . More snow on the way for tomorrow , and ice too . Here are some photos of the dogs in the snow : How could this happen again ? I take my dogs for what I knew would be their last walk for several days , with two snow storms on the way . We walk less than half a mile , when a huge St . Bernard comes charging across a very busy road and immediately takes Oreo in his mouth . I screamed at the top of my lungs , hoping the owner would rush out and control his dog . Then , another St . Bernard comes charging out . I kick and hit the dogs , desperately trying to free my precious baby from this dog 's mouth . The whole thing was surreal . I feared the worst . I was terrified that if I let go of Oreo 's leash , he would take off and I might never see him again . In hind sight , maybe I should have let him go to give him half a chance against this huge beast . At one point , Oreo did break free from my grip , and took off , only to have the big dog catch up to him again . Finally , the owner of the two dogs came out , and several cars stopped to help me . I started screaming numerous expletives at the owner , and explained to the bystanders that this has happened to me before . Oreo looked OK , but he was shaking and growling . A woman looked him over and didn 't see any wounds , nor did I , but it was still dark out and hard to see much . I just wanted to get back home . So , I started walking the dogs and noticed Oreo was limping . I yelled to the owner that I would be coming to him if I had any vet bills . I picked Oreo up and carried him all the way home . I walked into the bedroom and told Jeff what happened . His first comment was , " I 'll kill those dogs . " His second comment , " Oh my God , you 're covered in blood . " I looked down , and the entire front of my white jacket was now red . We checked Oreo out in the light and saw he had a few puncture wounds under his hind leg . I put some gauze on it and we brought him to the vet . The good news is , Oreo will be OK physically . Mentally , I 'm not sure yet . I hope this attack doesn 't break Oreo 's carefree , happy spirit . At the vet , he was growling at the receptionist 's sweet collie , which Oreo has never done before . The sameWritten by We woke up to an ice covered driveway yesterday . It was at least 1 / 4 inch thick . I had a two hour delay , but Jeff still had to get to work on time . Jeff threw down all the bags of salt we had on our driveway , and hoped it would melt the ice before he had to leave . No such luck . It didn 't even make a dent . Jeff ended up going out there with a garden shovel , and was able to pound away a few patches so we could at least get a few feet of traction as we made the slick ride down the hill into the road . We both made it out without running into traffic . Jeff had a close call with the county snow plow . That could have been bad . The temperatures didn 't rise much during the day , so when I got home there was still a lot of ice on the driveway . Jeff decided to buy some more salt on his way home from work . Jeff stopped at the hardware store near our house ; a store we try to avoid . We sued the owner years ago when his dog bit me and practically killed my dog as we walked past his house . I hate to give him any of our money , but sometimes it 's just easier to stop there , than drive the extra few miles to the Depot . It 's also the only local place that sells chrome screws , which Jeff uses for his choppers . Jeff has literally bought over a thousand dollars worth of screws at the store . You pay big bucks for extra pretty screws and bolts . To buy salt , you go inside and tell the cashier what size bags you want and how many . You pay , then bring your receipt outside where young , strapping boys load the bags in your car for you . Jeff told the cashier he wanted five 50 pound bags of salt . He brought his receipt outside , and helped the boys load the bags in his truck . Jeff got inside his truck , and noticed the owner coming outside . The owner began yelling at the boys , and scolding them for not looking at the receipt and kept pointing at the cashier inside . Jeff could have driven away , but instead he rolled down his window and yelled to the owner , " Do you want to see my receipt ? " The owner came over , looked at the receipt , which clearly stated thatWritten by Some years , it 's just hard for me to get in the " holiday spirit " , and I don 't think I 'm alone . Often , Christmas becomes " Stressmas . " One of my co - workers hands out new desk calendars every year to a bunch of teachers . As she hands each one out , she says , " There , you 're done . " She can 't wait to get all the various presents out of her house and off to the receiver . While , she may come across as being a Scrooge , I think we all kind of feel the same way at times . Buying Christmas gifts is just another thing added to our every growing To Do list . We want to find the perfect gift for everyone , and that 's not always easy . Advertisements are constantly bombarding us with " perfect gifts " for those fantasy people with perfect lives . Another co - worker asked me not to buy her a Christmas gift this year , because she can 't afford to buy me one . She is certainly feeling like it 's " stressmas " . I never bought her a gift with the expectation of getting something in return , but I 'm not going to give her one this year if it will make her feel bad that she couldn 't reciprocate . I see students wearing the same clothes everyday , and know there won 't be lots of presents under their trees . How stressful for them to see their classmates return after the new year sporting all their new clothes , latest cell phones , and mp3 players . Even in my affluent high school , it was like a competition to see who had the most new outfits after Christmas . The two weeks before Christmas break are often the worst two weeks of the school year . Expectations are running high . Kids see commercials and Christmas specials depicting perfect family holidays , when their family doesn 't even come close . Many have absent fathers , parents addicted to drugs , little food , no heat , and health problems . The stress of it all leads to fights , defiance , and sadness . I try to keep their home lives in mind when the kids start acting out . It makes me feel a little less stressed about my life , when I put myself in their shoes for a moment . Many of them experience far more " StressmasWritten by A few weeks ago , we began being awakened in the middle of the night . The bed was shaking , metal was clanging . No , it wasn 't a train going by , it was our dogs scratching non stop . Their tags were clinking , their legs scratching furiously , and their teeth gnawing on their own skin . I would come home from work , and the living room would be covered with fur that had been removed by their toe nails from scratching so much . Why were they scratching ? I ruled out bugs , being it 's November and freezing . No bug could survive . Misty has seasonal allergies in late summer , but all pollens are pretty much gone after a few hard frosts . Dry skin ? Food allergy ? Off to google I go . Everything I read , said the primary culprit of dogs scratching is fleas . Well , I haven 't had a dog with fleas since my first year with Munchkin . Plus , flea season is long gone . So , on to the second cause - allergies . Can 't be seasonal allergies , but it could be food allergies . Dogs are allergic to all sorts of food , including wheat , corn , and even different types of meat . I analyzed what new foods and treats I had been giving the dogs . I couldn 't come up with any new ingredient that might be making both dogs scratch . Plus , most articles indicated that it would be very rare for two dogs in the same household to be allergic to the same thing . I decided it had to be just dry skin , from the change in weather and the fact that we had finally decided to turn the heat on in the house . I went to one of my favorite dog catalogs , and ordered some " skin and coat " vitamins and fresh salmon oil from Iceland . Both contain omega fatty acids , and are known to help dogs with allergies and skin problems . Unfortunately , they can take a month or so to become effective . I resorted to giving Oreo Benadryl at night . This seemed to help a little , but it may have just been knocking him out , not helping his allergies . He still woke up at 4AM scratching . I 've started calling Oreo , " Sas - scratch - iwan " . After a week on the fish oil , the dogs ' coats were so shiny . I have never seen them looWritten by I 've been trying to give Oreo some more freedom , and time out of his crate when no one is home . Some days , he behaves like an angel . Some days , more like a devil . Before I go to work , I exercise Oreo and play some games . I shut all the bedroom doors , and limit him to the living room and kitchen , which I try to dog proof as much as possible . I leave him plenty of dog friendly toys , many stuffed with yummy food . He eats those , but unfortunately Oreo seems to enjoy chewing on wood and electrical cords . I have tried spraying the chew deterrents they sell in pet stores , such as bitter apple , on the furniture . Dogs are supposed to hate the taste . Unfortunately , Oreo likes the taste . I spray it , and he runs over to lick it all up . Yummy . I did some googling for help . The sites said to find something the dog doesn 't like and then apply that to the furniture . I know Oreo doesn 't like green beans , but how could I adhere beans to wood and cords ? Also , how would I keep Misty from eating the green beans - she likes them . So , I put some cayenne pepper on a piece of cheese to see if Oreo would like it . He lapped it right up and came back for more . I needed something hotter . I squirted some Tabasco sauce on the cheese . He sniffed it , licked it , looked at me in horror , and then backed away . Yes ! I found something he doesn 't like . Now , how to apply Tabasco sauce ? I couldn 't just pour it over everything in the living room . I resorted to mixing it with Vaseline and then spreading it on all the furniture he has been chewing on . This is really kind of icky , and dog fur sticks to it readily . The room now has a tex - mex aroma whenever you walk in . Too bad it 's Christmas time , rather than Cinqo de Maya . The day after I applied the vaseline , I came home from work , inspected all the furniture , and found no bite marks ! I lavished Oreo with praise and treats . Later as it began getting darker , I went to turn on the one living room light that hasn 't had its cord chewed through , and nothing . Oreo had chewed right through the cord . Jeff came home , and reWritten by Jeff came home from work the other day , stopped for a bit in the garage , and then came upstairs . The minute he stepped in the door , he said to me , " Don 't be alarmed when you go in the basement . " Oh no , I thought , another dead mouse . Seeing one of those can give me nightmares for months . Even if I don 't see it , just knowing Jeff put a carcass in the garbage can outside is enough to freak me out . The little critters dodge in when the garage door is open , and then can 't get out . We have every nook and cranny filled with insulation to keep them from coming in . Unfortunately , they can 't leave either . There are bite marks all over the seal on the bottom of the garage doors from them trying to gnaw their way out . Eventually they must conk out from starvation or dehydration . I asked Jeff warily , " Why would I be alarmed ? " Jeff says , " Oh , there 's another bike down there . " Doesn 't he realize that I would never have even noticed another bike , let alone be " alarmed " ? If he had only one bike , and then brought home another , I might notice . However , adding another to a collection makes it really easy to miss a newcomer . Hell , I came home from work the other day , parked my car in the garage , went upstairs and didn 't even notice that Jeff was in the garage himself ! He came upstairs an hour later wondering why I hadn 't stopped to say hello . Honestly , I am so used to watching where I 'm walking so I don 't knock a bike over , that I had no idea he was even there . Oreo is doing his snow dance , in hopes of a snow day tomorrow , which means more " mommy time " for Oreo . He 'll be wearing his pj 's inside out tonight . Written by We had a dusting of snow overnight . I heard the plows going by , and was anxious to let Oreo out to see his reaction . It would be his first encounter with snow as a " real dog " . I did bring him out in the snow when he was a baby , but I don 't think he remembers that . He was so scared of being outside ' everything was just too new . Now that Oreo has made the backyard his territory , I knew this would be a special moment . Usually , in the morning , Oreo runs right to his " pee spot " , goes , and then comes charging back in the house for breakfast . Today , I opened the back door , and Oreo peered out . He noticed the snow right away . He ran down the ramp and began circling the yard with his nose to the ground . He either couldn 't stand still long enough to pee , or forgot why he went out there in the first place . I think he has a little ADHD . Oreo ran over to poor Misty , who was trying to pee in privacy , and kept nudging her , as if to say " Look , there is cold , wet stuff all over the yard . " He did a few more circles , and finally realized his bladder was calling . He peed . Did some more circles , then stopped to pee some more . Finally , he came charging back in the house to tell me all about it . Can 't wait to see him when we get some real snow tomorrow ! Oreo has really learned to love the " dog couch " . Notice dog slobber all over window from barking at UPS guy and his big brown truck . Also notice only one lamp functioning - cord is chewed through on its match . Oreo has assumed Munchkin 's favorite position . Best view in the house - Oreo can keep an eye on outsiders and insiders . The torch has been passed . Although , Oreo still uses his dog bed for play breaks and bone chewing . Twenty three days until Oreo 's first birthday ! Have you ever noticed that food tastes better when someone else cooks it for you ? Jeff made me some microwave popcorn the other day , and I swear it tasted so much better than when I make it for myself . How can this be ? He cooked it in the same microwave , for the same amount of time . Is the taste really different , or is it the fact that I didn 't have to get off the couch ? Well , the microwave may have been warmer than usual , because Jeff forgot to take the plastic wrap off the first bag , so he had to cook another . My Nannie would cut a peach up into lovely slices and serve it to me in a pretty bowl . Those peaches tasted better than any other peach I have ever had . Was it the peach , or the presentation that made the difference ? My Dad would always take all the seeds out of the watermelon , and cut it into bite - sized chunks for me . I don 't eat watermelon anymore . Too much work to eat around those pesky seeds . My mom ( and I suspect my Nannie ) insists that Stock 's pound cake must be sliced very thin in order to get the optimum taste . I always feel I 'm getting gypped out of some good frosting , but am glad I don 't have to eat a big hunk of cake just to get to the frosting . Luckily , Jeff prefers the cake to the frosting , so I get to eat his . I 've never had a thick piece of Stock 's pound cake , but I 'm sure it 's not as good as a thin slice . I remember my Mom always asking for lunch meat to be sliced " thin please " at the deli counter . When I first started buying lunch meat for myself I ordered it that way too , although I had no idea why it needed to be thin . Still not quite sure . Mom also insists that each piece of lunch meat be put on a sandwich individually . You can 't just slap a pile of meat on the bread . Jeff agrees that it does taste better that way . He pretty much agrees with anything my mom says , when it comes to food . Any sandwich that I don 't have to make tastes better to me . Woke up a little later than usual today , must have been all that yummy food I ate last night . The dogs were raring to go as soon as I sat up in bed . Oreo was jumping up in the air to go outside to go potty , more jumping for his breakfast , and even more jumping when I put his leash on to take him for a walk . After our walk , the dogs always run straight to our closed bedroom door , plow it open , and put their paws on the bed to wake Jeff . It 's as if they want to tell him about their fabulous morning , and say " You 're missing out on all the fun , get up ! " Then , more jumping ensues until Jeff gets to the kitchen and gives both dogs a handful of cheerios . After their cheerios , Jeff sings a song with Oreo , and Misty barks along . Finally , off to the yard for some playtime . Double click to see the chase : At this crazy pre - holiday time , we are inundated with advertisements and commercialism . I receive at last 8 catalogs a day at this time of year . It always amazes me how many different products we can choose from . Today , people went shopping at 4 AM just to save a few dollars on some object that won 't really make a difference in their life . It seems as though we are just adding more stress , to our already stressful lives , in the search for the perfect gift at the perfect price . This morning , I looked down at my dogs ' smiling up me , tails wagging with happiness . All I had given them was an open door , some food , a little exercise , a quick belly rub and they were absolutely thrilled . What 's even more amazing is that we do the same routine everyday , and the dogs ' excitement never wanes . Simple creatures , simple lives . As the Shakers said , " tis a gift to be simple . . . " We could all learn a thing or two from dogs . Although , I think we should skip that whole butt smelling thing . Double click to see the catch : It 's Thanksgiving , a time to give thanks for all the good things in your life . Yes , I 'm thankful for all the things I should be thankful for - family , friends , health , etc . That 's a given . I am also thankful for : my blog " regulars " , who read what I write on a semi daily basis people sending me emails saying you liked what I wrote , how it made you laugh , or how you could relate to my story ; those emails mean a lotall you complete strangers who google , " why cant my dog jump " , it makes me feel good to know I 'm not the only person with dog jumping issues ; sorry I couldn 't help the person googling " what animal can jump over a house " all the googlers with mole issues , glad to know I 'm not alone in my quest to conquer the mole ; I 'm wondering if the person who googled " pictures of laughing lawn moles " ever found one , I 'd like to see itmy dogs , students , and poor Jeff who provide endless material and help keep writer 's block at baycomplete strangers who annoy me ( it doesn 't take much ) , thus providing me with additional materialmy editor in chief , you know who you are , it 's impossible to write well without your help ; no one would guess I was an English majorHope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving ! Thanks Mom , for cooking the turkey and all the fixings ! I wouldn 't know where to begin , and I 'm sure I would need several glasses of wine to get through the process without having a nervous breakdown ( aka temper tantrum ) . I 've woken up to the sound of gun shots the past few mornings , a sure sign that deer hunting season has begun . Jeff told me not to wear tan clothes when I took the dogs out for a walk . Some people , on " the hunt " , will shoot at almost anything that moves . My first public school teaching job was in a rural community . On the first day of hunting season , the school was a virtual ghost town . Many students took the day off to go hunting . They didn 't understand why school wasn 't actually closed for the " holiday " . Driving to work was a little scary during the first few days . Men would park their pick ups on the side of the road , sit in their truck with their gun pointed out the window , waiting to shoot a deer in the fields by the road . I 'm sure this is illegal , but the cops either looked the other way or they were the ones doing the " hunting " . People who hunt are excited when they " get their deer " , especially if it is a big one with antlers . This is a concept I just don 't understand . I could fathom people killing an animal , if the person was starving and there was no other food source available . All the people I know who hunt have access to numerous grocery stores , so why hunt ? An argument , I often hear , is the need to keep the deer population down . Is deer overpopulation really causing us more problems than human overpopulation ? I don 't think so . Deer aren 't contributing to global warming . If we stopped tearing down forests to build our mcmansions , the deer wouldn 't be invading " our neighborhoods . " Some hunters say it 's a " sport " . Aiming a rifle at a huge animal , who has no defence , besides its 4 legs , doesn 't seem like much of a sport to me . Deer are some of the most passive creatures on earth . I see deer up close all the time , and they just look at me for a while and then go back to what they were doing . I could kill all of them very easily , if I knew how to fire a gun . The only real threat to us is a good deal of damage to our car if we run into one on the road . Yes they eat our plants , but is that a reason to kill theWritten by This is what happens when you leave a puppy unattended in the backyard for 10 minutes : I 'm not sure how this happened . I know he dug a hole , so maybe he tried to bury his head ? The mud didn 't seem to faze Oreo . I think he prefers to stay dirty and play chase with Misty . Here is Misty trying to shave off some time by going in front of the garden , while Oreo takes off behind the garden : My old girl Misty is still able to catch the youngster , and bring him down for the tackle : It doesn 't get any better than this , if you 're a dog that is . I went to Target this morning with a bunch of coupons . At the checkout , I made sure to put the coupons right near the register , so the cashier would see them . I also pointed them out to her . I learned to do this from past experiences . Once the cashier hits " total " and it is sent off into cyber space for credit card approval , there is no changing anything . I once spent 10 minutes at the register , while the girl tried , unsuccessfully , to enter my gift card after hitting " total " . Apparently , there is no " escape " or " undo " or " back " button . I had to wait until my next trip to Target to use the gift card . That time , I made sure to hand it to the cashier before she began ringing up my stuff . There really should be a sign hanging to explain this . I 'm sure I 'm not the only person who has had this happen . I thought I was ready this time and took all the necessary steps to make sure I got my discount . After scanning all my items , the cashier hit " total " , and then said , " Oops , I forgot your coupons . " She began hitting buttons , to no avail . She called over the manager , who told her what to do to get the machine to give me my money back . The cashier said , " Oh , that 's easy . " The manager walked away . Not so easy . She just couldn 't figure it out . The cashier told me I would have to go to customer service , and they would give me cash for the coupons . I glanced over at customer service , and saw a line . I told the cashier , " I 'm not going over there to wait in a line , I already waited here . " Her response , " It will take the same amount of time for me to figure this out , as it will for you to walk over there and wait . " Hmmm . She may be right , but that 's not the response I expected . Frustrated , I walked over to customer service . After a short wait , I met with the manager again . She said , " Oh , she wasn 't able to figure it out ? " No , that 's why I 'm here . She asked , " Did she give you any cash back ? " No , that 's why I 'm here . After she pushed a bunch of buttons , I finally got my $ 5 . 05 , but no apology , no " sorry for the mix up . " I try and be patienWritten by Yesterday , a guy , " Jim " , came over to look at Jeff 's " just in case motorcycle " . The bike is 10 years old , but has only 600 miles and is in showroom condition . I could hear Jeff describing the bike to Jim . Jeff had his " salesman voice " on , which is a really amazing talent . Jim said he didn 't really like the color scheme of the bike , a complaint I had shared . The colors are real " girly " - purple , yellow and even some pink . Jeff had already formulated a way around that hurdle . Jeff sold it as being the " in colors " of the early nineties , so it 's practically vintage . Plus , the colors are really easy to change . Jeff went on and on , " selling " the bike . Jeff sold so hard , that Jim said , " Why would you sell such a great bike ? " Luckily , Jeff always has a way around that question - just look around the garage . All he has to say is " my wife says I need to get rid of some bikes . " Not that I 've ever said that , but I don 't mind him using me as an excuse . It always makes the buyer feel like he is getting a great deal . Jeff suggested that Jim take the bike on a test drive up the road . Jeff gave instructions to just go to the end of the road , and come back , otherwise he might end up lost . It gets rural real fast around here . Go half a mile up the road and there are cows , sheep and horses and not much else in the way of landmarks . Jim drove off , beeping along the way . He was clearly excited to be on this great , showroom condition , nineties vintage bike . Jeff had me come outside and sit in Jim 's car - a Mini Cooper . I 've been thinking about my next car and the mini is on my list . He said Jim would take me for a ride when he gets back from his test drive . It was getting cold , so I went back in the house . I wrapped some Christmas presents . Sorted some laundry . Started making dinner . Jim still wasn 't back . I went down to the basement to suggest Jeff go look for him , but saw Jeff had already thought the same thing . Eventually , Jeff came back . He too thought Jim had gotten lost , but had had no luck finding him . Jim didn 't know our phone number , Written by Gloves and mittens are much like socks , you often can find only one out of a pair . Its getting cooler now , and I need gloves to wear on my morning walks . I have several pairs of gloves . Gloves for cool weather , gloves for wet weather , leather gloves , etc . I am missing one of my dog walking gloves and one of my shoveling gloves . I looked everywhere , and decided they are gone for good . Gone into the missing glove and sock abyss , only to be found when you have finally thrown out its match . Instead of throwing out the single gloves , I gave one to Oreo - lover of all things made of fabric . Oreo was very excited about his new " toy " . He carried the glove around in his mouth for about 2 hours . I tried to get Oreo to play with his orbee outside , but he refused to put down the glove . Instead , he began roaming the yard with glove in mouth , and started digging some holes . Since Oreo didn 't want to play , I decided to pick up some leaves out of my gardens . At one point , I was coming into the backyard and saw Oreo filling a hole . He was using his nose and paws to push dirt around . I noticed the glove was no where to be found . Oreo had buried it . I have seen dogs bury bones in cartoons , but have never had a dog do it in real life . Oreo has put things in his holes , but I never witnessed him filling the hole back up with dirt . Was the glove so special that he had to hide it ? Will he ever dig it back up ? Are my other gloves also in the dirt outside ? I am going to remember where Oreo hid this one . Just in case , when I 'm planting some flowers next spring , I happen to dig up its match . naptime on the " dog couch " I was driving home from work today and saw a couple walking a golden retriever and a tiny chocolate lab puppy . The golden retriever kept looking at the puppy with a smile on his face , as if to say " Where have you been all my life ? It is so great to have a buddy to walk with . " The puppy was bouncing along , with typical Lab curiosity and dumbness . My heart just swelled up seeing two , completely happy dogs . On an impulse , I stopped my car in the middle of the road , got out and went gaga over all that chocolaty sweetness . I just had to get my hands on the puppy . The dog walking couple just kept laughing . Either they thought it was funny , or I completely freaked them out and they were laughing out of nervousness . Then , I began to notice there were some cars waiting behind my car . It 's a narrow road , and between my car , myself , the couple and their 2 sweet dogs , I was causing a traffic jam . No one beeped their horn or did any rude hand gestures , they just waited patiently . All these people must have thought I was completely nuts . I quickly got back in my car , and giggled the rest of the way home ; thinking to myself what a weirdo I am . Who stops their car to interact with strangers ' dogs ? I do . I wonder if there is treatment available for the inability to control oneself in the presence of a puppy . A big milestone occurred for Oreo yesterday . He finally was able to jump on the bed ! Twice ! He had to get a running start , but he did it all on his own . His parents are so proud . Perhaps an even bigger milestone happened today . Oreo was left home alone , out of his crate for a few hours . We try and keep most valuables out of reach , like remote controls and shoes . Dogs love to eat those , because our scent is all over them . Accidentally , a pair of Jeff 's sneakers were left out on the floor , but there is not one chew mark ! That is a huge milestone for a puppy . Oreo is slowly maturing into a real dog , although he is still a bundle of energy . After walking two miles , and running around the yard ( and house ) at top speed for half an hour , Oreo finally stopped to take a drink . He was so spent , he had to lay down to drink . A tired dog , is a well behaved dog . Today is Jeff 's birthday . From now until March 29 , he and I are one numerical year apart . You see , he was born in 1971 and I was born in 1970 . Jeff will always be a year younger than me . From March through November , we are 2 numerical years apart . For some reason , that 2 year difference really bothers me . For example , right now , I am 37 and Jeff is 36 . Not so bad . Once my birthday arrives , I will be 38 , but Jeff will still be 36 until November . On paper it looks like I am 2 years older , but for the record it 's really only 1 year and 7 months . A few years ago , I was able to convince Jeff that he was actually a year older than he really was , so we were the same age for awhile . This was done through simple math and fast talking . Unfortunately , he eventually caught on and now pays more attention when I try and fool him into believing he 's older than he is . It is so frustrating to me that he will never catch up to my age . I will always be older . My Babci once told me that I should marry a younger man . Her theory was women live longer , so if you want your husband around in your old age , you need a young whippersnapper . Good advice , though hard for me to stomach sometimes . Babci also said to marry someone who loves you more than you love him . Unfortunately , that 's not as easy to gauge as the age factor . I guess , when in doubt , go for the younger man . Jeff and I were walking into Target today , and I decided to use their restroom before downing my Starbuck 's latte . I walked in and was immediately struck by the sound of very loud , annoying music coming out of the speakers . First , is music really necessary in the bathroom ? Second , why does it have to be so loud ? I actually asked these questions aloud , just in case someone from Target security was listening . Not that they 'd be able to hear me over the obnoxious music . I couldn 't wait to get out of there , the noise level made me so uncomfortable . Unfortunately , it was not a quick trip . The stall I chose had plenty of toilet paper . Two brand new , 12 inch diameter rolls . The two rolls were jammed so tightly in the dispenser that neither of them would move . I tried to tear away at both rolls to get them started , but ended up with a handful of shredded tissue . Neither roll would move a centimeter . It made me think of the Seinfeld episode with Elaine saying to the person in the stall next to her , " Could you spare a square ? " Here , I had two warehouse sized rolls , and couldn 't get one lousy square . I gave up and left . I walked out and Jeff asked , " What is up with that loud music ? " I told him it was the worst bathroom experience of my life . OK , that was an exaggeration . I 've had worse . In Russia , I had to go in a hole on a tile floor . The floor was wet , and I don 't think it had been freshly washed . That was the worst . At school , we have brand new bathrooms . Everything in them is automated . You don 't have to flush . Theoretically , the toilet is supposed to sense when you are done , and then flush itself . The problem with the automatic flush system , is that it doesn 't always flush at the right time . Almost every time , the toilet flushes prematurely , and there is no way to manually flush . Every time I walk into the bathroom , I have to check the stalls . There are always some surprises left in the bowl by previous bathroom users . I feel like I know a lot more than I want to know about my co - workers bodily functions . If the toilet flusheWritten by Election day is looming . It is a big election year for my town . Our current Town supervisor is running on all the 4 major parties ' ballots . He is endorsed by the democrats , republicans , liberals , and conservatives . Until a few weeks ago , he and a few friends have been running completely unopposed . In a time when huge rifts exist between the two major parties , how could 4 parties agree on the same candidate ? Simple . Money and pay offs . Its all about bringing big business ( lots of ugly box stores ) to our small , semi - rural town , and making sure certain people ( including the chair of the conservative party ) make lots of money . Millions . They have the gall to call themselves a " bi - partisan " team . It 's a virtual monarchy . I feel like I 'm living in the former Soviet Union where people got to vote , but only had one choice . Fortunately , some brave people have formed a new party . So , I will vote for them . I really don 't know much about them , except for the fact that they oppose the current office holders . That is a good enough reason for me . How sad it is to have to vote for someone , simply to try and get rid of the bad guy . I just hope enough people feel the same way I do . Read all about it here : http : / / metroland . net / features . html Its been a busy week - not much time for writing . Jeff had his photo shoot yesterday - it was warm enough to ride the bike to the shoot ! Crazy temperatures for Halloween . I remember always having to wear my winter coat over my costume . Plus , the kids had an extra hour of daylight to trick or treat since we have put off going back to standard time for an extra week . Good for the young kids , not sure how the older ones felt about it . We had no trick or treaters at our house . My mom had given us some chocolate she had bought as a fundraiser for us to hand out - just in case anyone made the trek up our driveway . Jeff had already eaten it all , so I guess it 's ( how 's my grammar , editor in chief ? ) good no kids showed up . I am anxious to change the clocks back , so I don 't have to walk the dogs in the dark every morning . Oreo has a coat that lights up , but it was too warm this morning to put a coat on him ! Here 's a photo from Jeff 's latest shoot : As usual , Dino did a fantastic job of showing the bike ( and Jeff ) off in all that perfect lighting . I think black bikes are probably the hardest to photograph . There 's another photo on Jeff 's site - just scroll down to the bottom part : http : / / www . bcchoppers . blogspot . com / Dino submitted the photos to the magazine , so hopefully they get accepted . The other bike should be in next month 's issue or the month after . Jeff bought two motorcycles in one week . Even for him , this is unusual . The first purchase was a donor bike for a chopper . I was expecting that . The second one , he bought because it was a " great deal " . A deal so good , he can 't lose money on it . This is typical " Jeff philosophy " ~ make sure you can either make money or break even before making any purchases . As Jeff was explaining the bike to me , he said that he had to buy the bike , " Just in case . " " Just in case what ? " I asked . " Just in case I decide to keep it , or in case I decide to sell it , " he replied . Yes , it never hurts to have an extra bike lying around , just in case you need some extra cash , or the 3 or 4 ( I can 't keep track ) other bikes in your garage won 't start . I think what Jeff really meant was - just in case someone else decides to buy it before him . Can 't let someone else steal a deal out from under him . Ok , I 'm not one to dress my dogs up in clothes . However , some days you really need to put a coat on your dog . Oreo has three coats - an LLBean field coat for cool fall and spring days ( complete with flannel lining and corduroy collar ) , a Lands End squall jacket that lights up for our cold , dark early morning walks , and a hand me down , red rain coat from Munchkin . It has been raining here all day , and a dog still has to go out to pee . Poor Oreo looks like he 's dressed up as little red riding hood for Halloween : Oreo says , " Hey Daddy , looks like you need a rain coat ! " Jeff took these shots this morning . There are even more leaves on the ground now . Its hard for Oreo to find his orbee if he doesn 't catch it in mid air . Its also hard for me to find their poop ! Written by |
Blog Showing items filed under " Andrew Stevens " May 23 , 2017 in Spiritual Growth , Christian Living , MyStories0 # MyStory : : My Struggle and Jesus ' GraceIt 's easy to think that some people are " immune " to sin , or at least more resistant to it , based on outward appearances . Some people just seem to have it all together , and it feels like they couldn 't ever do anything wrong . The truth is that this is as far from the truth as it possibly could be . We all sin , even the people who don 't appear to on the outside . To show you what I mean , here 's my story … I grew up in church . I was a Pastor 's Kid , and I spent a large portion of my childhood entrenched in everything Christian . I had loving parents who were devoted followers of Christ , and as I said , my dad was a pastor for many years . I remember playing in the church all the time as a kid . I went to Sunday school every week . I went to summer camps and VBS every year . I went to youth group at church . I did all the things that a " good Christian " should do . Life was perfect , right ? In many ways , I 'm very thankful that I grew up the way I grew up . It definitely planted some seeds in my life that are integral to where I am right now , but the thing is , in my teenage years and early adulthood these seeds were dormant and never really grew into much of anything . In many ways , the seeds planted felt foreign to me . I knew everything I needed to know . I knew what the seeds were supposed to grow into , but I never cared to feed or water them of my own accord . Jesus was someone I knew of , but not someone that I walked with personally . I easily fell back into my old ways . In 2006 I joined the military , got married , and moved to Germany . This is when my life really started to take a dark turn . Now that I was far away from almost everything I knew , I really had zero connection to a life that resembled anything touched by Jesus . I still knew what I knew , but it was distant and it barely had any effect on my thoughts and actions . The only thing that stuck with me through all the years was my conscious . There were many times where I did things that I knew were wrong ; things that I knew I shouldn 't be doing , but I oftentimes did them anyways . My wife and I had our first child in 2008 . We didn 't have a lot of time to spend together before Ava arrived , so it was a bit of a shock to me once she was in our lives . We were happy , but things were very different . My wife , Rachel , changed . She used to be very lovey and attached to me . She used to be very physical , which I loved because one of my love languages is physical touch . But after our child , things were very much different . She didn 't like to be touched as much , and we certainly lost a lot of our intimacy . While I loved her and our daughter very much , this change was hard on me . And being that I was still growing as a man , I didn 't really know how to handle this change productively . I turned to pornography to fill the void in my heart . Of course , it never filled the emptiness in my heart , but it continued to be a problem for me for many years . I also engaged in some very inappropriate behaviors at work . I would swear all the time , and I would not act in any way that a Christian should . I poured a lot of junk into my mind , and all these things just made it worse . It got so bad that at one point when my wife was gone on a trip back home , I spent some personal time with a friend 's wife and her friend , and I essentially cheated on my wife with my neighbor 's friend . Fortunately , I did not make the worst mistake I could have made , but I 'd be lying if I said I hadn 't wanted to . Needless to say , it was a close call , but ultimately I had committed adultery no matter how far it had gone . And this wasn 't the last time either . In 2010 we moved to Guam . We got pregnant with our second child , which wasn 't planned , so this one was really strenuous on our marriage . Neither of us were in good places , and the tension almost ruined us . I was working nights for a long time , and was using pornography as an outlet even more . I also had someone I worked with there who I started chatting online with and developed a relationship . I eventually got to the point where I went on a date with this girl , and intended to be intimate with her . I remember being at home after I had gone out with her , and I was chatting with her . She gave me the option to come over to her place . Again , I 'd be lying if I said I hadn 't wanted to , but something inside me wouldn 't let me go . I knew that it was wrong . As much tension as there was in our marriage , I knew that I couldn 't do this to my wife . I 'm pretty sure that God was watching over me that night , even though I had completely turned my back on him . I thank him to this day that I did not go over to that girl 's apartment . However , I was still in a really bad place . Luckily , I cut off relations with that girl , but my heart was still very hard . There were a few other occasions where I almost made some really bad decisions , but each time my conscious ( aka , God ) kept me from doing it . I attribute that to the seeds that had been planted in my life so long ago , even though I was still neglecting them . In 2013 , I changed jobs in the military , and had to go to school in Monterey , California . This was one of the best things that could have ever happened to me . We found a church there that reminded me who Jesus was , and it brought me back from the depths and breathed new life into my soul . I probably would not be where I am today if we had not gone there . It took some time , but slowly my heart softened as I found forgiveness for my illicit convictions and stopped pouring darkness into my heart . I even ended up telling my wife all the things I had done , which was an incredibly hard thing to do . I knew it needed to be done , but I struggled with actually doing it for several months . Finally , I did , and by the grace of God she forgave me . I certainly didn 't deserve it , but I suppose that 's how grace works isn 't it ? I 'm still not perfect . I still struggle with keeping my eyes focused on God and not on beautiful women . Of course , I still struggle with temptations , but I 'm very proud of the fact that it 's been many years since I 've searched for pornography or given a woman other than my wife more attention than she deserves . Our marriage is better for it , and my relationship with Jesus is stronger than it 's ever been . I still have a lot to learn , and I still have many ways in which I can grow , but for once in my life my faith is real , and it really makes all the difference . We 're supposed to pick one woman and that 's the one that God meant for us to be intimate with . When we play with the idea of intimacy with any other woman , even a virtual one , that 's when the devil can get a foothold in our lives that will easily tear us down if not removed . It 's very common for men to struggle with this temptation . If that 's you , know that you are not alone , and you can overcome it with help from the Father . Allow his healing in your life , and you will find that EVERYTHING will be all the better for it . Posted by Andrew Stevens with 0 CommentsTags : addiction , grace of jesus , pornography , not perfect in faithMay 20 , 2017 in Severn Run Life , Christian Living , MyStories0 # MyStory : : Vicki Delair on Why I Lead a Small Group I guess I first should say that before I was ever a part of a small group I used to think that these groups were for " weird " or " religious " people . Even being an outgoing person by nature , I didn 't think it would be something I was comfortable participating in because I had a fear of not fitting in . Then Sean ( my husband ) and I joined one because of a specific financial study they were doing . It is something that to this day I look back on and I am so grateful we decided to try it . It grew our faith and relationships in so many ways , and it was the furthest thing from being weird ! So , when the idea came up about starting or leading one myself , I thought , " Ugh , now people are going to think that I am weird too ! " But , I also knew that if I was willing to be okay with that and put myself out there , God would use it to bless me and other people through authentic relationships . Of course , I also thought a lot of other negative thoughts as well , like most of us tend to do when the enemy wants his way . Things like ; When I first felt a small tug from God to lead a group , I think I did want to do it , but I was hesitant because of fear . I 'm sure I am like a lot of people when it comes to opening myself up to others because most people just don 't like being vulnerable . I had a fear of being unqualified , a fear of failing , a fear of not knowing enough Bible verses , a fear of not knowing how to lead a group , or what I was supposed to do . But , what I have learned is that you can 't let things like fear and hesitation stop you from doing what God has called you to do . That 's called disobedience , and that 's not something I wanted to be to God after what he asked Jesus to do for me . After all , it repeatedly says in the Bible that we are supposed to be in community , that we are supposed to be relational , and that we should look after the interests of others . So , who am I to tell God " no " when I see verses like Galatians 5 : 13 , " For you have been called to live in freedom , my brothers and sisters . But don 't use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature . Instead , use your freedom to serve one another in love . " Or , in 1 Peter 4 : 10 - 11 , " Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others , as faithful stewards of God 's grace in its various forms . If anyone speaks , they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God . If anyone serves , they should do so with the strength God provides , so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ . To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever . Amen " Of course , even once we decided to take the plunge , I would get all in my head with things like imagining opening my home and having no one show up . I also would play out scenarios about what I would do if this or that happened and even found myself worrying about seating , or if they 'd be hungry or bored . So , as a result , I over planned , over bought , over prepared , and prayed a lot for God to help me figure it out . I also had this ridiculous fear of praying out loud , and I had to work through that as well , realizing it was the enemy , once again , trying to psych me out , getting me to play his games , and stop me from doing what I knew God was telling me to do . But you know what ? I was amazed that after the very first small group meeting , everything came easier ! It was like I just had to get that initial hurdle over with and from there I was good to go . In general , I think that we all hesitate at some point to put our " true " selves out there for fear of judgment or rejection . But , what I have found instead is that when I am at my most transparent , people are most willing to hear me . When I am the most vulnerable , people feel the most trusted by me . When I am willing to walk out my faith in real life ways and I am not content to stay the same , the more people want to be a part of that journey too . Even today , after years of leading small groups , there are studies that Sean and I do that are out of our comfort zone , or sometimes the size of the group gets big and I worry about all those " Martha " - type things ( Luke 10 : 38 - 42 ) that make me think people are not going to enjoy themselves . But that 's when I remember that there is nothing " special " about me or Sean that make our group or our leadership something fantastic and wonderful , except for our relationship with Jesus Christ and our willingness to be his disciples . " It is not that we think we are qualified to do anything on our own . Our qualification comes from God . " ( 2nd Corinthians 3 : 5 ) . The key is the Holy Spirit , just like we see in the book of Acts , where he goes before us and apart from him , or without his blessing , nothing we do will bear fruit . We also must remember that spiritual warfare is a real thing . The enemy wants us to stay on the surface with relationships and keep us superficial and putting up a front like we 've got it all together , because when we aren 't truly connected with other believers he can keep us isolated and alone and it is in those isolated places that he can do his best work . He uses things like guilt , shame , or embarrassment to prevent us from making bold moves in our lives for Christ , and if we aren 't careful we tend to believe those things and avoid stepping out because we feel we have to " protect " ourselves from the ridicule we believe we are going to receive instead . The craziest part is that the complete opposite is true - because when you do put yourself out there for Jesus , you get to truly experience the joy , comfort , and peace that comes along with it , and it is something not worth giving up on . Despite things getting better , there still have been ( and continue to be ) some hurdles to get past . Like most people in our area , the biggest challenge for me is time . I 'm a wife , a mom of three active kids , I work two jobs , I serve and volunteer when I can , my husband owns his own business , and we have very big extended families that are all close as well . If we aren 't careful , and praying , and working together to keep it prioritized as something that is important in our lives , it would be easy to push it to the wayside or not give it much thought . Add to that , we live in such a busy time , and such a busy area of the country , that it is difficult to find the time , energy , and sometimes even desire to keep it on the schedule . But the funny thing is that we have taken breaks in the past and I can honestly say that during those times life feels a little bit harder , and we really miss the connection with other people . But despite all the difficulties we 've had , nothing can compare to the eternal friendships , life change , and growth we 've experienced . Not to mention , what a tremendous impact it has had on us personally with our own faith and family ! To see friendships and bonds form , to see marriages restored , and families transformed is an amazing thing to witness . We have had people become believers by coming to our group and have watched so many people grow and mature in their faith . We have had the privilege of walking beside people who were down in the deepest valleys of life in a variety of different ways , and I can 't even put in to words what it feels like to see them persevere and stand firm and come out on the other side . And , to be able to witness to one another about all we are seeing happen in each other 's lives and how the blessings of God are visible in one way or another , it 's just an amazing experience . Just think … when we are really doing life together then we 'll have the opportunity to make friends right now in this broken place ; friends that we 're going to also know in heaven where everything is perfect . Isn 't that cool ? First , pray ! John 15 : 4 - 5 says " Remain in me , and I will remain in you . For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine , and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me . Yes , I am the vine ; you are the branches . Those who remain in me , and I in them , will produce much fruit . For apart from me you can do nothing . " Ask God to show you what you are supposed to be doing , and once you know what that it is , you need to act . Don 't ignore what he is telling you to do because you will miss the blessing in it . Next , don 't do it alone , after all , life is better connected ! Ask for guidance from people who have started them in the past or from the connect group leader . There 's no need to reinvent the wheel and other leaders can be a good resource for helping you narrow down your vision or purpose for your group . Finally , C . S . Lewis once said , " Remember that He is the artist and you are only the picture . You can 't see it . So quietly submit to be painted - i . e . , keep fulfilling all the obvious duties of your station ( you really know quite well enough what they are ! ) , asking forgiveness for each failure and then leaving it alone . You are in the right way . Walk - don 't keep looking at it . " ( C . S . Lewis , The Collected Letters of C . S . Lewis , Volume 3 ) . If you are letting God direct your path , there 's nothing to worry about . Be courageous and step out in faith ! God has a plan and you are part of it , and what is he going to say if you refuse to do your part ? If you really do believe you are going to meet God face to face one day , do you want him to ask you why you wouldn 't serve him ? Or , do you want him to say " well done " ? The problem is , the humanity in me has told me that I had a million logical reasons not to . I 'm also not afraid to admit that for a good portion of my life , I just plain didn 't care . This took me down a dark path my first five to six years in the military , and not tithing is the least of the transgressions I 'd rather soon forget . But , my life changed a few years back and I finally found that what I knew my whole life was not only realer than I could imagine , but that it finally mattered to me . However , even though my heart was in a better place , tithing still wasn 't on my ' to do ' list . I think that I started tithing more , but it was intermittent at best , and depended on what I had left instead of giving up front . Fast forward two years and here we are showing up in Maryland . We had had an awesome church back in California . I knew that it would be tough to replace , but we began looking for a church immediately . The very first church we tried was Severn Run . I instantly knew that I was home , and my wife felt the same way . As time has gone by these past two years since we started attending services here , we 've plugged in to various outlets and groups of the church . I went to Fight Club for a little while , and my wife has been a big part of the Mom 's connect group . I joined the writing team ( and of course , I 'm still here ) , and my wife helps watch the kids every other Sunday . Despite that , it wasn 't until the " On the Road " campaign that started last year that we actually started tithing a set amount on a consistent basis . At that point , I committed to give more than I ever had before in my life , but the thing is it still wasn 't 10 % ; it still wasn 't as much as I could have been giving . Recently Pastor Drew had talked about " The Given Life " and his series of messages spoke to my heart . I knew what I needed to do , but week after week I struggled to do it . I looked at how much 10 % would be , and it felt like a LOT to me . I thought that it was doable , but that perhaps some things might have to give if I was going to make it work . I put it off for a few weeks , but finally I broke down and knew that I couldn 't wait any longer . I knew what I needed to do . We use online giving , which is great because I 'm super forgetful and don 't ever carry around much cash . There 's no way I could be consistent if that feature wasn 't available . So , I went in there and updated my giving to ensure that I was in fact giving away 10 % of my paychecks on a bi - weekly basis . I didn 't quite know how it was going to look those first two weeks that it started to come out , but I trusted God to take care of us . I also felt compelled to share what I had done , so before writing this blog post I shared what I had done on Facebook , and added a little challenge to the friends I had who went to Severn Run . I felt like I should do this because of Pastor Drew 's words on how our church 's average was well below the national average . I don 't know how much all our friends give , but that 's not the point . I did not want it to seem like I was boasting , but I felt that people needed to see that step of faith and feel challenged to do the same . And if what I did might do that , even for one person , then it was worth it . So , April 1st came and the first installment of my tithe came out . I was sitting on the computer downstairs playing videogames , because that 's what I sometimes do on a lazy Saturday morning , when my wife comes down and brings me a letter she just got in the mail . Inside the letter was a rather large check that neither of us were expecting , along with a letter . The check was from a stocks fund set up by my wife 's grandparents that was supposed to be distributed evenly to all the grandkids . Instantly I was blown away . I didn 't even think for a second that this was by accident . I knew that only God could do timing like that . For so long I had avoided doing what I should , and when I finally did it and put my trust in God , he was already ready to take care of us . I don 't think that it always happens this way , or in this kind if perfect timing , but I do know that God rewards faith . I don 't know that everyone will see as ' tangible ' a result of their faith as I did , but I do know that in God 's perfect timing and ways , he is always looking out for us . Because only God could set in motion events years before the day that I would finally say that I had the faith to step out of my circle of safety and into the waves of uncertainty . I don 't fully know what lies ahead , but I know that if I keep my eyes on him , I will never have to fear sinking below the surface . My only hope is that through my giving , others may come to know the peace that has transformed my life and has given me the strength to do what 's unnatural to my humanity . I know that it will make all the difference . Posted by Andrew Stevens with 0 CommentsTags : blessings , giving , obedience , tithingDecember 24 , 2016 in Christian Living , family life0The Little Christmas Tree : A Story for Christmas EveIt was a cold , dreary November evening when the shipment of Christmas trees arrived at the lot in the middle of town . Most of the people were getting ready to celebrate their Thanksgiving meals . All of the trees being unloaded off the trucks were handsome trees of all varieties . Some of them were spruces , other were firs , and others pines . Only the finest of trees had been selected and cut down to be brought to the lots for sale . One of the workers off - loading the trees picked up a large and magnificent spruce tree and put it on his shoulder . He took it over to the spruce section and set it next to the other proud trees already there . As he returned to the truck , where the spruce once lay , he saw an unsightly little tree that barely qualified as " merry " . It was , in fact , quite homely and just shy of 5 feet tall . It looked as if it had been a bit mangled under the other trees , because a few of its branches were broken . The man wasn 't quite sure what to do with the tree , but it wasn 't his place to decide , so he shrugged and carried it out to the lot and set it off to the side of the others . It was very cold that evening , and the little tree shivered all alone as the other trees huddled together for warmth . Potential customers began emerging from their homes at the first signs of light , all bundled in their warmest winter clothes , which were perhaps a bit tighter after the previous night 's festivities . The little tree could see them coming , and wished that he could warm himself as they did , but he was hopeful that perhaps one of them would take him home , wrap his trunk in a tree skirt , and warm him by the fireplace . The little tree had heard the stories . It was a pine tree 's greatest triumph to be selected as a Christmas tree . And so he waited patiently , trying to spread his branches and look as tall as he possibly could . One by one the customers came . Day after day they gave him little notice and grabbed the much taller and fuller trees off the lot and took them into their homes . Soon it was the day before Christmas Eve , and only a few trees were left on the mostly empty lot . All the trees left had some small defects , but none of them compared to scrawniness of the little tree . He had never even been considered by any of the people that had come . A few procrastinators came by and grabbed the last of their trees , and eventually only the little tree remained in the center of the lonely and empty lot . That night was the coldest night that it had been so far , and the little tree wondered why such a terrible fate had befallen him . What was so wrong with him that no one wanted him to come into their home ? Why did no one want to decorate and lay their presents under him ? The little tree had hoped once , but now he only felt despair . The cold wind that blew bit to his very core , and the tree knew that he had nothing left to live for . He began to feel himself drifting off slowly into the darkness from which he knew he would not awaken , and at this point he didn 't even care anymore . As the tree faded off into an eternal slumber , some sort of sound awoke him . It was a sound that he was not familiar with , and it went , " Tap , tap , tap . " The tree fully awoke and noticed a small , frail man who had hobbled onto the lot with the assistance of a walking cane . The man must have been nearly 80 years old , and he seemed nearly as weak and small as the little tree . The lot owner had been inside his booth counting all the money from the trees when the little man tapped on the glass . The tree could see the two exchange for a moment , but could not make out what they might be saying . The lot owner shook his head as the little man asked him a question . Then they both looked in the little tree 's direction and the old man pointed to the little tree . For a moment , his heart skipped a beat . Was there a chance ? Could he really find a home after all ? The owner shrugged his shoulders , but nodded to the old man and went back inside his booth . The old man began walking towards the little tree . As he approached , there was not the usual look of distaste as the little tree had seen so many other times from previous customers . The little man smiled and said , " Look at you . You may seem small and incomplete , broken and frail , but I see what the others could not . All they saw was brokenness , but I can picture you whole , decorated with all of my ornaments and gleaming like the finest of Christmas trees . Besides , I could not carry any of those other bigger trees on my own . The others did not appreciate you , but I … well , I understand you . For you and me both are alone in this world . But now , no longer . Let 's get you home and celebrate Christmas . " And with that , the little man grabbed the tree by his trunk and began slowly dragging him home . It was slow progress , for the man relied frequently on his cane to support him , and pulling the little tree was not an easy task for his tired muscles . The little tree could see the struggle that the man was going through , and he thought that he caught a hint of pain etched across the man 's brow . But no matter how hard it seemed , the old man keep walking , leaning on his cane , and dragging the little tree along . After a little while the man stopped in front of a quaint little cottage near the heart of the town . The house was quite small and plain , squished between two large department buildings , but it looked warm and friendly . The man dragged the tree up to the front porch and dropped it . He walked up and opened the door and disappeared inside for a few minutes . The tree waited eagerly for his return . The old man dragged the tree inside , and the little tree could feel the warmth of the fire as they entered through the door . The old man had set up a corner in his living room next to the front door , opposite a small fireplace , which was where the little tree was to go . The old man set down his cane and picked up the tree , slightly leaning on it for support . The little tree tried to be as stiff as possible , so that the old man would not fall , but he was not very strong and buckled a little under the weight . However , they made it to the tree stand safely . The old man once again struggled with the tree , barely able to get it into the tree stand . The little tree saw him wince in pain as he finally got it in . Once the tree was in the stand , the old man bent over and quickly tightened up the screws that held the little tree up straight . Finally , with a sigh of relief , he was finished and crawled over to his chair to rest for a few moments . He stared at the little tree for a long time without saying a word . The little tree stared back and wondered just what the old man might be thinking . Perhaps he had second thoughts about the little tree now that he saw him in his house ? Finally , the old man spoke . " I think we 've had enough excitement for one day , don 't you think ? Perhaps we 'll both rest now and I 'll get to decorating you tomorrow . Sleep tight little tree , and I 'll see you in the morning . Aha ha , but first … you must be thirsty ! " The man hurriedly went into the kitchen , filled a cup , and brought it back and poured it in the stand . The little tree hadn 't realized just how thirsty he 'd gotten , and he started soaking up the water almost immediately . It felt good to finally be warm and have some water back in his branches . The old man smiled at him and went off to bed . That night the little tree thought about everything that had happened to him so far . He didn 't feel hopeless anymore . He had a hard time resting , for he was terribly excited to get decorated tomorrow and finally celebrate Christmas as a true pine tree should . As the fire in the fireplace was burning its last few embers , the little tree finally dozed off . He awoke to a start the next morning to sounds coming from the kitchen , and some sort of pleasant smell wafting about . The little tree was not quite sure what was transpiring , but it seemed wonderful . After a short while the old man emerged from the kitchen from the opposite side of the room and walked over to the fireplace . He put several logs in the fireplace and got a small fire started . He got up , turned to the little tree , and smiled , then returned to the kitchen . As the old man was away , the little tree watched the little fire slowly grow and crackle . The tree had never seen such a sight , and wondered what it was like to burn . He supposed that that might have been his fate if the old man had not brought him home . The old man emerged from the kitchen with a tray of food and sat down in his chair . The tree watched him eat slowly , and the old man watched the tree as he ate . After the old man had finished , he got up and went down the hall . He came back all dressed up to go outside . He looked at the tree and said , " I 've got to go buy some things from the store . I think you deserve an extra special Christmas , so I want to go buy some more decorations . " And with that he left . After what seemed several hours , the old man finally returned carrying several bags . He set them down next to the tree and took off his coat , hat , and gloves . He threw another couple logs on the fire and got to work on the decorating . It was the little tree 's proudest moment . He could not believe all the effort that the old man was going through to lavish on him all this attention and splendor . The little tree could not see himself completely , but he could see the decorations a bit and felt very proud of the way he looked . The old man finished and took a step back to judge his work . A large smile formed across his face , and the little tree 's heart melted . He had only known the old man less than a day , but still felt like he had known him his whole life . The man spoke with a soft voice , " This is how I 've always seen you . The others did not take the time to see what you could be , they only saw what you appeared to be . But I knew all along that you could shine just as bright as the rest of the trees . " As soon as the man said that , the strength of his tried bones seemed to fail . He slumped down in his chair and sat for a while looking at the tree , his breathing slow and steady . The little tree wasn 't sure if he was ok , for he barely moved a muscle or made a sound other than his breathing . After what seemed an eternity , as the fire slowly faded , the man closed his eyes and all was silent in the house . The little tree could see outside the window that it had begun to snow , and he was excited that tomorrow was Christmas . He was very much looking forward to see what would happen , for none of the trees on the farms quite knew what happened on this glorious of days . At the first light of dawn the little tree awoke . The old man still sat in his chair , eyes closed . As the light began to creep slowly in through the window , the man still did not stir . For 80 years Christmas had come and gone for the old man . He 'd had had wonderful years with his family and kids , and they 'd spent many Christmases just like this one next to the warm fire , which now sat cold . They 'd spent many years decorating trees as he 'd done the night before , but this time by himself . He 'd had many Christmases alone with his wife as the kids moved on , though occasionally they 'd return to celebrate for a day or two . None of the Christmases had been quite the same since his wife had died nearly 6 years ago . Except for this one . The little tree would never know just how happy the old man had been to share this Christmas with the little tree that he 'd found a home for . The little tree would never know that he was the first tree the old man had had in the house since his wife had died . And the old man would never know how happy he had made a poor , lonely little tree feel , when on his darkest of nights , someone had cared enough to sacrifice all they had just to make him feel special . Outside the world began to awake . Children rushed downstairs to see all the gifts that Santa had brought the night before . Parents rolled over in the beds as the light of the sun reached in their rooms , and the excited sounds of children hit their ears . People of all ages got out of their beds and warmed themselves with fresh cups of coffee next to the fire . The world was ready to celebrate another Christmas , just as it always had . Few would know or care , that on this morning the ultimate sacrifice had been given , all so that one , broken little tree could experience the greatest of Christmas gifts … love . Christmas time can be a joyous and wonderful experience for many people , but it can also be a stressful and lonely time for others . Perhaps you , like the little tree , feel alone and unwanted . Know this ; that Jesus came into a world full of lonely little people , and like the old man , he would not ignore the ones that so many other people might . He does not see you as broken , he only sees you as you could be , as a child without fault . He doesn 't not see our flaws , and he does not want you to be alone . We may not always understand why these things happen to us , but there 's hope that there is always someone who will love and cherish us beyond anything we could ever imagine . The holiday season can be crazy , and it 's easy to lose ourselves IN all the hustle and bustle that the world has created in celebration of Christmas . But just remember this : Jesus came into this world , in the humblest of ways , all so that he could die on a cross to keep us from being separated from our heavenly father who will never disown us or let us down . And the best part of it is , we 're not an only child . There are people out there , brothers and sisters of all races and colors , who are fellow children of our father in heaven . And let me tell you , it 's the best family that you could ever have . Posted by Andrew Stevens with 0 CommentsTags : alone , christmas , hope , lonelyNovember 3 , 2016 in Weekly Message Recaps , Spiritual Growth , Christian Living0When God Seems Gone - Weekly Life LifterA Canaanite woman who lived in that region came to him . " Son of David ! " she cried out . " Have mercy on me , sir ! My daughter has a demon and is in a terrible condition . " But Jesus did not say a word to her . ( Matthew 14 : 22 - 23 ) Is this how you feel right now ? Are you crying out to God , only to feel lost in the silence surrounding your own echoes ? Is your voice the only voice that you can hear ? Perhaps you need only to listen better , or perhaps just never quit crying out . And always remember , even Jesus felt as you do . At noon the whole country was covered with darkness , which lasted for three hours . At about three o ' clock Jesus cried out with a loud shout , " Eli , Eli , lema sabachthani ? " which means , " My God , my God , why did you abandon me ? " ( Matthew 27 : 45 - 46 ) Jesus could have given up then . He could have turned away from God , just as he felt God had turned away from him . But he knew what he had to do . He knew he had to stay the path and fulfill his purpose . Just as Jesus did , so should we also stay our paths . Don 't give up on God . He will never give up on you , even if at times you don 't know where he is . God gave us the Holy Spirit , and promised to always be with us . Even if you don 't know if you can hear him , stay strong and know that he will be near to you always . |
The late afternoon sun 's sparkling golden rays brightened the livingroom of the 16th floor one - bedroom apartment , where dust moths danced in the rays above the black leather couch and the glass - and - steel coffee table sitting in front of it . The long - haired off - white afghan carpet beneath it gave the whole scene a homy impression . The counter separating the kitchen from the livingroom was tidy with a bundle of letters , unopened , lying on one end and an empty vase sitting at the other end . The kitchen , too , was tidy and the whole place could give the immediate appearance of not having been used in a good long while ; but only if the pile of unopened letters and a flat metallic rectangular object occupying one corner of the coffee table were ignored . Moments later , the tranquillity of the room was disturbed when the sound of a key in the door disrupted the silence . The front door swung open and the owner of the apartment , clad in tightfitting jeans , a black t - shirt , sneakers and a black leather jacket stepped inside , pulled the key out of the lock and swung the door shut again . He dropped the keys on the kitchen counter and ran a hand through his short cropped hair before continuing into the livingroom where he shrugged out of his jacket and tossed it onto the back of the couch . He dropped down on it with a new stack of mail in one hand , which ended , unopened , on top of the coffee table while the man 's blue eyes sought out and found the metallic rectangle on the table . He blinked , his expression set in stone , then reached out and touched it . A holographic image appeared above the metallic object , displaying a raven haired woman sitting on a metal crate in an undefinable environment . She hadn 't been looking at the camera at the time of the picture , but was instead looking off to the side . " Hey , baby , I 'm home , " he said , his voice slightly hoarse . With a sigh , he settled back on the couch , his eyes not leaving the hologram until it faded away again . Once the image had disappeared , he let his head drop against the back of the couch and stared up at the ceiling , his expression never changing . Coming home had been a disaster . After struggling against the tides of a different galaxy for nearly three and a half years , he had finally mastered the technology of getting back home and had done so in the blink of an eye . But Earth had not received her prodigal son with open arms . He had spent the better part of six long months in quarantine , being examined , studied , prodded , stung and all but taken apart by scientists dying to know how he had survive three and a half years in space . Only reluctantly , and upon continued insistence by his father , Jack Crichton , had they finally released him into the world again . Jack had made sure that his son had a place of his own and did not stop telling him how happy he was that John was home again . John , however , didn 't share his father 's enthusiasm . Even though he was happy to see both his father and his sisters again and had caught up on current events with DK , he felt totally and utterly alone . Because despite everybody 's reassurance that they were oh - so - happy to see him again and that everybody had missed him terribly , he knew that they stared at him when he wasn 't looking , knew that they wondered what had happened to him out there . John knew he was different . Three and a half years in a hostile environment had made him a different person . He was paranoid , cautious , distrustful and sometimes downright violent when he felt threatened and that was a far cry from whom he had been when he had left Earth behind three and a half years ago . Gone was the boyish wonder at all he saw , all he was about to do . The kid he had been despite his age back then had grown up and become a cautious adult with too much action and death behind him . He had returned to working on the Farscape project a week after his release , but had opted to keep his extensive knowledge of interstellar travel to himself . He did not consider humanity capable of handling the responsibility that came with being able to go anywhere in the universe within minutes . DK had been dying to learn about the technology out there , had virtually ripped Farscape One apart to find out what the modifications did , but John hadn 't helped him and without his help , his childhood friend didn 't understand the weird and wondrous additions . To everybody 's regret , the module along with its alien modifications had mysteriously blown up one night . John 's only explanation had been that the alien fuel apparently hadn 't reacted well with Earth 's environment and had left it at that , refusing to even try and come up with a better and more plausible explanation . DK had suspected that there was something more going on , that perhaps John had blown the module up himself , but John had refused to talk to him about it and they were at odds because of it . Not that John really cared anymore . Closing his eyes , he thought back over the past six months and the fact that he 'd just kicked himself off the Farscape project this morning , and it made him feel slightly odd that he didn 't care much about it . The Farscape project had been his life - long dream , his ambition . But it wasn 't any more . He had other goals , other ambitions now . He had quit the project , but there would be repercussions . He had decked his benefactor , telling the man where he could shove his well - meant advice . Everybody had treated him like an outsider ever since he had returned and he was extremely tired of the attitude . People on the street recognized him because his return had been sensational news . They pointed at him , whispered about him , but none of them spoke to him . Nobody came over to shake hands with the first human to ever have taken a trip out of the galaxy . They all treated him with equal amounts of respect and suspicion and he couldn 't stand either . " Unique is always valuable , " he mumbled and raised his head . " Well , you were right about that one , Scorpy . I guess I just don 't fit in anywhere now , do I ? " With a shake of his head , he leaned forward and pressed the holographic projector again . The image reappeared and he stared at her for a long moment before tracing her outline with one finger . " I miss you , Aeryn , " he said , leaning his head to the right . " Damn , I miss you . " He could hear her words as if she were standing right there , saying them to him . They had hurt , those words . It had been another slap in the face , another reminder of what he had lost . " I had a chance to go home and I took it . And look what that brought me , " he told the image . " Six months in a cage and six months on probation with daddy watching over me like a hawk . No leeway , no spare time , no frelling nothing . I 'm a freak here . Much more than I was out there . Can you believe that , baby ? " He snorted and leaned back again to watch her until her outline once again faded away . He had toyed with the idea of going back out there , of getting off Earth and back to his real friends . Sure , he could understand why people might respond the way they did , but he couldn 't get it through his head why they continued to treat him as if he were an alien . He could understand all languages , but only speak English . He could build a drive that created stabile wormholes , but wouldn 't even consider it . He could probably build a spaceship that would take mankind to the moon in the matter of minutes , but he didn 't even want to try . He was afraid of what mankind would use that knowledge for . And the longer he refused to work with them , the harder they made life on him . He had given them a run for their money , though , and the inquisition - like question sessions he had been put through almost daily the first three months had tapered off after they had started to realize that he wasn 't going to talk . And he had warned them about getting too physical about it , too . If they tried to make him , he would kill himself . The threat had been made with the same expression he wore now and they had obviously believed him back then . At least until now . With another sigh , he closed his eyes . He was so tired of this , tired of constantly being under the watchful eye of the cameras build into this apartment , the microphones listening in on everything he said . Hell , he couldn 't even use the bathroom without them watching . And he knew he was coming to the end of his rope . He would have to find a way out of this predicament before he decided to blow out the window in his livingroom and taking the high dive to the pavement below . It sure would beat being watched and listened to all the time . One thing that had managed to surprise him about his homecoming had been that Alex had called him the week after he had moved into this place . She had sounded happy , but also a little apprehensive . When she had insisted they meet and that maybe they should pick up where they had left off , he had told her that he didn 't want her back in his life . His tone had been cool and indifferent and he felt nothing at all when he hung up the phone moments later . He only felt something when he looked at that hologram of Aeryn . Or when he thought of his other friends out there , far away from Earth , struggling against the same tide he had decided to leave behind . He remembered it as if it had been yesterday and not a year ago . Aeryn , cold and aloof as she had been ever since his copy had died on her , had actually shed a tear . He 'd had second thoughts then , but it had been too late . And the need to go home , to see his family again , had been too strong a tug . D ' Argo , Chiana , Jool . They had all looked depressed , but had pretended to understand . Rygel , hovering on his throne sled , had even managed to look a little misty - eyed . Even Crais hadn 't looked happy about his leaving . And Pilot had been decidedly unhappy about it , had told him at length how they would miss him . If only he had listened to them . Well , the government people constantly following him around and the IASA - representatives constantly bugging him for details had helped him make up his mind . And the straw that had broken the camel 's back had been a friendly bit of advice from his benefactor this morning , telling him that he should probably consider doing as he was told or someone he cared about might get hurt . He had nearly broken the man 's face with his fist and had told him to go to hell before he had left the Farscape project for good . He had wandered the streets for hours after losing the tail constantly following him around and had eventually returned home to think about the whole thing one more time . But the more he thought about it , the more convinced he was that he didn 't fit in on Earth any more . He rose from the couch , grabbed the holographic projector and stuffed it in his pocket , grabbed his jacket and briefly glanced around . There was nothing he wanted here any more , nothing he couldn 't live without . He hadn 't even bothered to watch any television since his return . The first six months they hadn 't let him . Now that he could , he didn 't want to . Set on doing things his way now , he left the apartment again . Jack Crichton was not a man who worried unnecessarily , but after a call from IASA , he had found a new reason to worry about his son . He knew that he had only heard one side of the story and would reserve judgement of the situation until he 'd had a chance to talk to John . He had told Clarke Judson off , insisting that he was certain that John wouldn 't have hit him unless Judson had pushed John to do so . Judson had claimed that John had gone stark raving mad and belonged in a padded cell , but Jack had only hung up on him . That didn 't stop him from worrying though . Especially since he hadn 't been able to get a hold of John since . He had resorted to doing the same thing he had done the day John 's mother had died . Her son had not been by her side when she had passed on and Jack had driven around town afterward , searching for him , and had found him eventually . But this time around , he couldn 't find him . He had no idea where John would go . It was with no small amount of regret that he had realized that he didn 't know his son . He had been able to read him like an open book before , but not any more . Killing the engine of his car , he sat back in his seat for a moment and thought about the past year . It had been a nightmare in every sense . His deepest wish had come true when Farscape One had set down on the landing strip and he had been able to hug his son , whom he had thought had died on that fateful day three and a half years earlier . But from that minute on , everything had gone down hill and he didn 't blame John for losing his patience . The worst thing he could imagine right around now was actually two different scenarios . Either John had found a way off the planet and had left without saying goodbye or Judson had seen fit to force whatever knowledge John had out of him . If it was the latter , he would kill Judson himself . If it was the first , it would break his heart . Raising his head , he came to a stop and stared at John , who was sitting on the steps . " John , " he exclaimed . " I 've been out looking for you . Judson called me . What the hell happened ? " John chewed on the inside of his cheek while staring at his father for a moment , then sighed deeply and dropped his eyes . " I decked him , " he admitted without any sign of remorse . " He threatened me , so I decked him and quit . " " He basically said that if I didn 't do as I was told , someone I care about might get hurt , " John replied with a tense expression . " I told him to shove his advice where the sun never shines , broke his nose and left . That 's all there is to it . " With a nod , Jack acknowledged the behaviour for what it was ; understandable under the current circumstances . " They 're not going to let you quit . You know that , don 't you ? " he asked and John nodded silently . " So , what now ? Are you going to apologize to him ? Are you going to play ball ? " " Nope , " John replied , not a flicker of doubt in his voice . " No way , dad . I came by , hoping to find you here , because I 'm . . . " he tried , but trailed off , a dark look in his eyes . " You 're leaving , aren 't you ? " Jack asked . " You 've found a way to get back out there , haven 't you ? " He couldn 't deny the sense of dread he felt at that prospect , but he also knew that right now , John didn 't have any other options unless he wanted to jeopardize his friends or his family . And he knew John would never do that . John fished the holographic projector out of his pocket . " I guess you could say that E . T . phoned home , " he replied and pressed the device , once again producing an image of Aeryn . It was a different one this time , though . " This isn 't just an image device , dad . It 's a distress signal , too . If I activate this image of her , " he went on , staring at the transparent image of Aeryn with a pretty big gun in her hands , " it sends a message out to them . If they 're still out there , they 'll pick me up within one day from receiving it . Which means tomorrow morning when the sun comes up . " Jack stared at the image , too . If there was one thing he could say , it was that his son had improved his taste in women . This Aeryn Sun looked like a tough cookie . He wished he 'd had the chance to meet her , but figured he would just have to take John 's word for what she was like . " How are they going to get here undetected ? " he asked , glancing at John . " Oh , I 'm not so worried about the undetected part , dad . Aeryn is gonna pick me up in her prowler . It 's fast and it 's armed to the teeth . There 's nothing similar on Earth . They won 't be able to even put a dent in her , " he said . Jack nodded again . " I 'm not happy that you 're leaving , John . I won 't deny that . But I know you have no other choice at this point . I wouldn 't want you to be under any more duress than you 've already been and I figure Judson isn 't going to quit now , " he said , thoughtfully staring ahead of himself . " I know , dad . I wish things could have worked out differently . I wish you could have met Aeryn . I wish Judson would leave me the hell alone , " John replied and sighed again . " But wishing for it isn 't going to make it happen . So , I 'm going to leave tomorrow and . . . I 'm probably not coming back any time soon . " Turning a little , Jack faced his son and put a hand on his arm . " Let 's be honest here , John . What you mean is that you 're probably not coming back . Period . Right ? " he asked . John glanced at him , then dropped his gaze and nodded . " Yeah , dad . It 's not likely that I 'm coming back , " he replied . " Not if that 's the type of reception I 'll get . " That made John smile vaguely . " No , I haven 't . I was kinda hoping you 'd convey my love to them , " he said with regret in his voice , then glanced at his father again . " And tell DK that I 'm sorry for what I said . I didn 't mean it . " " I 'm sure he knows , son , " Jack said and patted his shoulder . " But I 'll tell him just the same . Are you leaving now ? " " I got a ways to go , " John replied and got up . He looked around the front yard of his father 's house , the house he had been born in , and chewed thoughtfully on his lower lip . " When I was out there , I missed all this . I thought I 'd go crazy if I never came home again , " he said . " And then I come back here and it 's all changed in some way . And then I realized that it is nothing here that has changed . It 's me . I don 't fit in any more . " Jack wanted to argue , wanted to convince John to stay , to take whatever came his way and just stay , but he also knew enough of this new person his son had become that no amount of convincing would make him stay . " Well , when did you ever ? " he asked with a halfhearted smirk . " You 've always been a little radical , John . Always been a little bit different . " That even drew a smile from John . " I guess , " he agreed . " The funny thing is , dad , that all my dreams , my childhood dreams , they 've come true . And I 've realized that reality is a lot harsher than anything I 've ever imagined . " With a shake of the head , he stared down at the ground in front of his feet . " I 've seen things you wouldn 't believe , dad . Things I can 't even begin to describe . But one thing 's for sure . The universe is not a friendly place . " " Well , that I can believe , " Jack said . " All I have to do is take a look at you , see how much you 've changed . I only wish you had told me everything , John . I know there are things you 've kept from me . Something that happened to you . I doubt your friends changed you this much . " " As I 've said before , dad , " John replied , " it 's nothing I can 't handle . Nothing you need to worry about . When you 're on the run like I 've been for three and a half years , you change . I had to change to survive . " " Why do you want to go out there again if you know you 'll continue running ? " Jack asked . He hadn 't really understood that part yet and hoped that John would explain it to him . " If I stay on Earth , I 'm going to be on the run , too , dad . There 's no way in hell that I 'll stay and help Judson out with his insane little projects . And there are a hell of a lot more places out there where I can hide , " John replied with a crooked yet joyless smile . " And I 've got a lot of friends who 'll do anything to keep me safe . I can 't say that I 've got that here , if you know what I mean . " " Don 't blame yourself , dad . If you want to blame someone for this , you should blame me . I 'm the one who came up with this crazy idea to slingshoot a craft out of Earth 's gravity in the first place . If I hadn 't been so damned pigheaded about it , I would never have made it that far . Which again means I wouldn 't have taken the trip through that wormhole . The rest , as they say , is history , " John said and turned back to face his father . " It was great to see you again , dad . You and the girls , " he added . " Desert . We agreed on a rendevous point as remote as possible if the need should arise . When I headed back to Earth , I didn 't think I 'd need it . But Aeryn insisted . Just in case . I 'm glad she did . If it hadn 't been for this , " he said , holding up the holographic projector , " I would have been stuck now . " Jack rose too . " Let me take you there , John . It 'll give us a little more time to talk . And . . . well . . . maybe I can get a chance at seeing a real live alien , too , " he said with a small smile . " Judson is the least of my problems right now , John , " Jack confessed . " I 'm more worried about the girls . They 'll be furious that I let you go without giving them a chance to say goodbye . Why don 't you just call them ? " John , who was sitting on the hood of the car , rubbed his palms against each other while he stared out over the desolate landscape . " Well , you know how they are , dad . They 'd cry and beg and I 'd end up staying because they want me to . That would mean I 'd end up in a cage again for trying to go awol . And I don 't want to do that . Not even for them . " Jack nodded in understanding . " I know . And I wouldn 't want you to . I 'll handle them . They 'll understand eventually . It may take some time , but they 'll come around . " " And I 'll miss you guys , too , " John replied , finding himself to be rather emotional all of a sudden . The thought that he would never see any of them again did hit a little too close to his centre right then , but his options were very limited at this point . Making a face , he glanced up at the sky , noting the light tinge at the horizon . " The sun 's coming up , " he said and got off the hood of the car to join his father . " Yeah , it is , " Jack agreed . " At least I 'll know you 're alive , " he added and glanced at John , who continued to stare up at the sky without as much as blinking . " Promise me you 'll try to stay safe out there . " John glanced at him and smiled halfheartedly . " I 'll sure try , dad . And I 'm gonna have a lot of help , " he replied , hoping that was true . It tore him apart to think that something might have happened to some of the others . They 'd lost Zhaan already and nobody knew where Stark had gone to . It would devastate him if any of the others had come to harm during his year on Earth . " Then why are you looking so worried , John ? Are you afraid they might not come for you ? " Jack asked , studying his son 's expression . " I 'm more afraid they might not all be there any more , " John confessed . Dropping his gaze to the sandy ground beneath his feet , he tried to control his suddenly rampant emotions . " I 'm scared shitless that something may have happened to Aeryn , " he added in a low tone of voice . John grinned joylessly . " Yeah , she 's a tough cookie , " he agreed . " She 's protected my butt more times than I care to remember , " he added and chuckled at the thought . " I 'm not worried about her , dad . I 'm just scared I 'll never see her again . Throughout all my time out there . . . she was the one thing that kept me going . That and the thought of seeing you guys again , " John said , then glanced up at the sky again , listening for something Jack couldn 't hear . " Someone 's coming , " he added , squinting at the brightening sky . " It 's not Aeryn 's prowler . That 's D ' Argo 's ship , " John replied and started toward the ship as the hatch in the rear lowered to the ground . " Come on , dad . Here 's your chance to meet that real live alien , " he called over his shoulder and started running . Jack was overcome by both sadness and the excitement of a little child . One thing was what John had told him about his friends , but to be able to see the Luxan , that was a whole different ball game . He followed his son at a more moderate pace , his eyes glued to the opening of the craft . D ' Argo released him again and took a step back , his grin nearly as wide as John 's . " It is so good to see you again , my friend . When we received the signal , we feared the worst , " he said , then glanced over at the second human , who was staring at him in wide - eyed wonder . Jack stepped up to them , finding himself completely enthralled by this being from another galaxy . Glancing at John , he tried to weather the situation because he hadn 't understood a single word the Luxan had said . He had , however , understood the bear hug the tall being had given his son . John was loved by his friends . That much was for certain . Slowly and somewhat hesitantly , he reached a hand out to D ' Argo . " It 's . . . an honour to meet you , " he finally managed to say . D ' Argo took his hand , smiling , and said something Jack didn 't understand . He glanced at John , who was displaying a hell of a lot more emotion than he had the past year . " What did he say ? " he asked . " He said the honour is all his , " John translated , still grinning like an idiot . He was so happy to see the Luxan again , it made him emotional . But at the same time he was also deeply concerned that it was D ' Argo who had come to pick him up and not Aeryn . " D ' Argo , is everything okay ? How are the others ? " D ' Argo returned his attention to John , his expression never changing . " They 're all fine . Aeryn would have come down , but she hurt her foot and can 't walk . Nothing serious . Don 't worry , my friend . She 'll be fine in a weeken or so . " It was all John could do not to sigh out loud and his smile became a lot less strained . " Damn , it 's good to see you again . Thanks for coming to my rescue here . Earth didn 't turn out to be the good idea I thought it was , " he said . D ' Argo 's smile faltered a little . " On that note , my friend , we 'd better hurry . They must have seen me land , " he said , clapping a hand onto John 's shoulder . " I guess it is , son , " Jack agreed . " I 'm glad we had some time to talk . And , if you do get a chance , contact me . I 'd like to hear from you if at all possible . " John pulled the hologram projector out of his pocket and gave it to his father . " You keep this . If something goes wrong . . . just find that picture of Aeryn and we 'll all come running . It 's the best I can do right now . " Jack closed his fingers around the device , staring at his balled up fist for a moment , then nodded and looked up again to meet John 's eyes . " You take care , son . Be careful out there . " John stepped forward and hugged his father hard for a moment , the sound of approaching helicopters making him a little nervous . " You 'd better get out of here , dad , " he said . " Just in case they get funny ideas . " " Yeah , you 're right , " Jack agreed , unwilling to leave , yet knowing he had to . He hugged John back , then took a step back . " Go on . Get out of here . Don 't let them catch you , " he said . Jack stood on the ground and watched as the craft zipped away , giving the helicopters and fighters sent after it a run for their money before disappearing at incredible speed straight up into the sky . He lingered for a moment longer , searching the sky for the ship that had taken his son away from him again , then shook his head and headed back to the car . To hell with it all as long as John was safe . And he had the distinct impression that his son would be a whole lot safer out there than he would be on Earth . A sad fact , but a true one nonetheless . When D ' Argo 's ship left the atmosphere of Earth and raced into space toward the moon , behind which Moya was waiting , John felt at peace with the decision he had made . Even though he hated leaving his father behind , he felt at home out here now . And that was what this ascent felt like . It felt like coming home . D ' Argo glanced at him , noting the almost wistful expression on his friend 's face , and couldn 't help smiling . " Are you enjoying yourself ? " he asked . John blinked in surprise and glanced back at him , which made D ' Argo chuckle with delight . " You just have that look on your face again , John . " " There are a whole lot of people looking forward to seeing you again , " D ' Argo said after a moment . " Chiana has been totally electric since we received your message . Even Jool has mentioned that she 's looking forward to seeing you again . " " Oh , Rygel is Rygel . No change there . He 'll be happy to see you , too . I think he missed trying to steal your stuff , " D ' Argo said . " And Pilot says even Moya has missed you . " D ' Argo suddenly grew serious as they rounded the moon . " We have all missed you , John . Despite your damned wormholes , " he admitted . " It just hasn 't been the same . Chiana has even tried to talk like you at times . Not that she gets it right half the time . Aeryn is constantly correcting her . " " Really ? I 'm surprised . I thought she at least would be happy to be rid of me . No more reminders of the other me , " John said , suddenly not so cheerful any more . " Did she at least get it right ? " D ' Argo nodded , somewhat solemn all of a sudden . " Yes , she did . Frighteningly so sometimes , " he said . " Chiana would try to quote you on something and Aeryn would just correct her quietly and then leave . She has been a ghost since you left , John . Not at all herself . " John frowned a little at that information , wondering how it could be that she had pushed him away when it obviously meant so much to her to have him around . " Well , I 'll just have to see if I can 't lighten her up a little , " he said and smiled a little at the thought . Just seeing her again would do wonders to him . He just hoped it wouldn 't be a torment for her . Staring out at the gentle slope of the moon as they flew around it , John leaned forward when Moya came into view . " Damn , I 'll never get used to seeing her , " he said , wonder in his voice . " She 's so big . " A brief patch of silence followed that . " Commander , it is good to hear your voice again , " Pilot finally said , sounding somewhat emotional . " Welcome back . " Even before the ship had settled entirely , John was up and standing before the opening hatch . He was eager to get out there and meet the others . Before the hatch had touched the floor of the landing bay , he walked down it , taking two steps at a time , and was nearly knocked over when Chiana threw herself into his arms . John disengaged himself from Chiana and took a step closer . " Princess , " he said , grinning . " You 're looking as beautiful as ever . " That earned him a radiant although somewhat hesitant smile . " And I 'm planning to stay , " he added , stepped up to her and pecked her on the cheek . The hum of Rygel 's throne sled made John glance past Jool and grin broadly at the dominar . " Hey , hey , Sparky , " he exclaimed and stepped around Jool . " How 's it hanging , dude ? " " Yeah ? Well , I 've missed you too , Buckweat , " John replied and patted Rygel 's head . " It 's been so damned boring , not having to watch out for my stuff all the time . " " Crichton . Far be it for me to say that I 'm happy to see you , but I actually am , " the ex - peacekeeper said . " It has been boring around here without you . " That made John smile . " You know what ? I 've actually missed you , too , " he admitted and shook his head at that very notion . " Can you believe it ? " " A little ? That 's the understatement of the year . . . uh . . . cycle , " John replied , grinning at his slipup . " Anyway , there 's still someone I haven 't seen yet . Where 's Aeryn ? " The rest of the assembled glanced at each other , none of them too sure it would be a good idea for anyone to approach her at the moment . " Well , the last I saw of her , she was working out , " Crais finally said . " She is . . . a little temperamental because of her injury . I assume D ' Argo has told you ? " " Yeah , he has . I 'll go say hi . I know when to keep my distance . Believe me . I do not want my ass kicked right now , " John replied with a grin and headed off into the ship to find Aeryn . " Do you think it 's such a good idea that he sees her right now ? I mean , with the way she 's been behaving and all ? " Chiana asked , looking worried . John couldn 't help grinning as he hurried toward the training area . It really felt like coming home to be back on Moya . Much more so than it had been to come back to Earth and be treated like a genetic test gone wrong . Here at least nobody tried to stick him in a cage for six months . There were no suspicious looks , no resentment , no treating him like an outsider . They were happy to see him and that was all that mattered . The closer he came to the training area , the clearer he could hear her working out . She was boxing again , a form of training she used to get rid of pent - up emotions as well as keeping fit . He rounded the corner and stepped in through the doorway where he came to a full stop so he could watch her for a bit . She fought swift and hard , using her entire body to punch the hell out of the dummy she was using to practice on while balancing on her right foot . Her left foot was heavily bandaged . " Hey , " he said after a moment , somehow hoping that she might actually be happy to see him . To his immediate regret , though , she ignored him and continue to pound the hell out of the dummy . He started forward , trying to catch a glimpse of her face and maybe determine what kind of mood she was in . " Remember me ? I used to annoy the dren out of you , " he tried , hoping for at least a smile . But she didn 't acknowledge him and kept on training . John moved closer still , knowing he might be treading on thin ice . She had a tendency to forget the space around her when she was training and could get dangerous if taken by surprise . " Could you at least say hi ? " he asked her , trying to catch her gaze with his own without luck . Before he had a chance to do something about it , she had grabbed him , thrown him to the floor and straddled his chest . Her whole demeanor was that of a predator pouncing on its prey and he briefly found himself being a little scared that she was going to break his neck . But the second she had him on the floor , she stopped moving , her eyes meeting his with the same kind of fierceness he had experienced the first time he had met her . That was when she had kicked his ass and nearly killed him , he reminded himself . Aeryn leaned forward until their noses almost touched and stared him in the eye , her hands supporting her weight on either side of his head . What happened next took him completely by surprise , though . She grabbed his chin rather harshly and kissed him . Then she raised her head and resumed staring at him . " Don 't you ever leave me behind again , " she told him in a stern tone of voice . He cleared his throat , aware that her fingers were still wrapped tightly into his t - shirt , her other hand clenched into a fist , and he got the distinct impression that she was going to beat the crap out of him if he said the wrong thing . " I 'm here to stay , " he said quickly . " If that 's okay , of course , " he added tentatively . She pursed her lips and for the first time , he saw a hint of something new in her eyes . " Well , I don 't know . Have you asked the others ? " she asked . " Nothing . I took a wrong step . . . on one of Rygel 's leftovers , " she replied . " I would have come down to pick you up , but I can 't walk very well . Besides , there 's more space in D ' Argo 's ship anyway . " " Not that I mind cramped , confined spaces as long as I share them with you , " he said and grinned at her . " How have you been ? What 's been going on ? What did I miss ? " Aeryn eyed him for a second , her expression not telling him anything in specific . " You 've missed a whole lot of fun , " she said . " A lot has happened and I 'm sure the others will be more than happy to fill you in . Right now , though , I need some help to get to my quarters . " That made him arch an eyebrow . She was actually asking for help ? " Sure thing , " he agreed without further delay and scooped her up in his arms . Grabbing a hold of the edges of her bed , he locked them both down with her beneath him . " Don 't I know it . Hanging on , " he replied , grinning despite the strength he had to put into keeping them both in place . The jostling stopped as abruptly as it had started after what seemed like mere microts . " We have successfully navigated the wormhole , " Pilot announced , sounding satisfied . " Commander , Moya asked me to inform you that she rather enjoys wormhole travel as it reminds her of her youth , " he added , sounding a little surprised by that . " We 're not bouncing all over the place any more . You can let go now , " she told him , thereby directing his attention to that he was still keeping them both in place . Smiling at him in that way she had , she wiggled a little . " Are you comfortable ? Can I get you a pillow ? " He couldn 't help laughing at that as he released his grip , but made no move to get off her . " Actually , that would be nice . I 'm kinda tired , " he told her teasingly . That caused him to sigh and bury his face against her shoulder for a moment . " They put me in a cage for half a cycle , Aeryn . They wouldn 't leave me alone , wouldn 't give me space . I had no choice but to get out of there , " he mumbled , then raised his head to face her again . " You were right . I can 't go home . Not as long as they behave like savages . " " Maybe , " he agreed and kissed her softly . " But if I do , you 're coming with me . We should talk some more about this . " |
March 30 , 2017March 30 , 2017Posted in Brothers Even as he typed mindlessly at his laptop , making sure the security around the penthouse was up to date as he wouldn 't have as much free time once school started , Tim couldn 't help but glance out to through the window . He had an amazing view of the city , the New York skyline definitely outdid Gotham 's in almost every way , and he could only imagine what it would be like to swing from building to building . Every now and then he could just barely make out a figure he assumed to be Spider - Man and it only made him more anxious to leap out from his balcony . Tim returned the smile Tom shone his way , but immediately thought back to Tom 's daycare appointment a few hours before . Tom was getting along well with the other kids , starting to socialize as well as he could at his age , but Ms . Garrison did note he was somewhat quieter than the other kids . She 'd stressed that it wasn 't anything to worry about , but her suggestion to talk as much as possible to introduce his little brother to new words was something he took to heart . When the tub was had a few inches of water , Tim let Tom enjoy his duck as he worked some shampoo into his hair and explained , " You 're getting a haircut tomorrow , Tommy . We both are , but I guess it 's more special for you . " He didn 't know how Ra 's kept Tommy 's hair short , he might not have even needed a haircut being fresh out the pit , so Tim decided , " We 'll just call this your first hair cut . It doesn 't hurt at all , your hair is already dead any so you don 't have any pain receptors there , but I know some kids are scared . You should know there 's nothing at all to be scared of and you might even enjoy them later on . . " When Tommy was finally settled into his crib , Tim left him with his bottle and turned his attention to cleaning up . Tomorrow was going to be their last day of summer break and Tim wanted to keep everything in order so he wouldn 't have too much to focus on . The last thing he wanted to do was make more work for himself . The appartment was already set up . Tim had a lot of free time without any work to do , even more once Tommy started daycare , and he was finished a few weeks after they 'd moved in . Now his days mostly consisted of browsing the internet looking for anything interesting . In his more desperate moments he almost considered opening one of the textbooks just to have something to do while he was bored . Deciding to sleep in on his last day of summer break , Tim was able to drown out the world until he heard his phone ring from under his pillow . His mind already hated just who would be ruining his last chance for a day in until he read Alfred 's name . He cautiously pulled it up to his ear as he asked , " Hello ? " Taking a moment to read off the paper , Alfred answered , " They intended to send it to a school in New York . Midtown Manhattan Magnet . " Although he had an answer in mind , Alfred asked sternly , " Do you know anything about this , Master Tim ? " Tim took a moment to come up with a passable lie , but he knew he couldn 't get it past Alfred if his tone meant anything . Instead he explained , " They must have sent it to the wrong address , Alfred . GA probably still has the Manor on my file and I never changed it . " " Hmm , " Alfred said disappointed with the useless answer . " I planned on giving it to you in person , but your apartment was empty . Someone informed me you 'd moved out months ago . " " I 'm assuming you 've moved to New York . If you don 't mind giving me the address I can bring the forms to you later today . I 've been informed classes for your new school start tomorrow and we wouldn 't want you falling behind . " His tone spoke to how little room for argument he was willing to leave , but he knew Tim would try . Tim knew he should have expected as much from Alfred . " It 's the penthouse , Alfred . I 'll have the front desk buzz you up when you get here so you don 't have any trouble . " Ending the call , Tim made sure he didn 't have anything urgent on his schedule . The hair stylist would be here soon and finished before Alfred showed up so there wasn 't much else to do . A trip to a nearby store wouldn 't hurt , Tommy needed new shoes as he was starting to outgrow his current ones , and it wouldn 't hurt to get him a jacket . Tim had been hoping to spend most of the day in the park , they probably wouldn 't see much of it once the school year started , but Alfred might be up for it as well . It was certainly a change of pace from the drug and crime infested parks in Gotham . The only other thing was to make sure M - cubed had his transcript , but that only took an email . Once that was sent , Tim went through his morning routine before going to check in on Tommy . It was a struggle to get Tom to let go of his hair when it was time to eat , he even tried drinking the droplets , but soon enough Tim had him settled into his chair and focused on his food . Tim make extra food for Alfred in case he decided to stay long and focused on cleaning up while he had the time . It wasn 't that the apartment was dirty , but Alfred 's standards were very different from Tim 's . It would be even more important once Alfred learned about Tommy . " We 're going to have some visitors today , Tommy . The first one is going to be a nice lady who 's going to cut your hair . Just so you know , I know it can be a little scary the first time , but it doesn 't hurt , " Tim repeated as he made his way through his cereal . " After that an old friend of mine is coming over . He 's going to drop off some papers and talk over some things . He doesn 't know about you , nobody really does , so you have to make sure just as cute as you always are . " He finished off with a quick kiss to Tom 's hair before leaving to put the dishes away . Tom tried to respond , but he could only make a few short spurts of noise before giving up to play with his shirt . Nevertheless Tim made sure to listen intently and answered , " You 're right . I don 't have any need to worry . You 're going to be fine today with Alfred and you 're going to be fine tomorrow at daycare . " When the dishes were done , Tim left Tommy in his room with his toys to make sure everything was settled for school . He still didn 't have a response to his email , he didn 't expect one so soon , but he focused on making sure he had all of books and supplies . Tim wasn 't usually so worried about school , it came easily to him , but now he had so much free time he couldn 't think of anything other than worrying . It was a special kind of intense . Running her hand softly through Tommy 's hair , Cameron noted , " It is pretty long and thick . He 's going to have a full head of hair when he gets older . " Turning back to Tim , she asked , " Does he pull at it a lot ? I know some kids like to try and pull their out , especially when it 's long and starts to bother them . " " Okay , " Cameron said happy with the answer . " If you can pull out the chairs you 'd like to sit in , we can get started . What kind of style would you like ? " Examining him closely , she stated , " You 'd look good in almost anything . " Tim immediately flashed back to him at 13 and the kind of haircut he 'd expect him to get right now . A mohawk would have been too tame for him . He reminded himself that he was grown now and said , " I guess it should be about medium length , long enough for me to run my fingers through , and messy . I 'd need to do a lot less grooming if it 's supposed to look disheveled . " Tommy was the first one up and visibly grew cautious as he was forced into his chair . He craned his neck as far as he could to see what was happening and visibly hated it . His gaze moved from Cameron to the scissors to Tim silently asking for help . Interpreting the look as duress , Tim sat down beside Tommy and reminded him , " Everything 's going to be fine , Tommy . It doesn 't hurt at all . You pulling at my hair hurts more . " When it didn 't help at all Time pulled out one of his toys to try and distract him while asking , " You want to tell me more about this little guy . You have a lot to say yesterday . " Tom took the figure into his hand before throwing it to the ground and trying to figure out what Cameron was doing behind him . He didn 't like the way she was touching his hair and his instincts told him to be afraid the scissors in her hands . As soon as she got too close for his comfort he shrieked and tried to break out of the chair . Cameron was quick to calm his concerns . " It 's nothing to worry about . A lot of kids are afraid of their first haircuts ; it 's pretty normal . Some still can 't handle them for years . Tom will be fine . " " It looks great ! " Tim said pleased . A quick look to his side showed him Tommy didn 't share that sentiment and Tim sighed , " If only he thought so too . " By the time they were back in the apartment Tim estimated he had fifteen minutes until Alfred would show up . That gave him just enough time to rush Tommy to his room and get him out of his dirt caked clothes . Tom had found a puddle interesting and and his already frail grasp of walking failed him . Once they were both cleaned off , Tim settled Tommy back into his playpen , used the tv as background noise , and scrolled through his email looking for a response . Reading that the issue had already been handled , M - cubed contacting GA directly for a copy of the transcript when they didn 't get a response at first , Tim sighed and put his iPad aside to see what his little brother was trying to make with his blocks . He noted , " You need to build a stronger base if you want to make the tower that high , Tommy . If not it 's going to fall over . " At the silence that followed , he pitched his voice higher and responded to himself . " I love you too , Tim . You 're the best big brother ever . I want to be just like you when I grow up . " " No need to get prissy , Tommy . He 's only going to be here for a couple of hours at most , " Tim said as he rushed to the door . He opened it with a sincere smile and said , " Hello , Alfred . It 's nice to see you . Please come in . " Tim chose to ignore the implication to lead Alfred to the living room . Reaching down from behind the couch to raise Tommy in the air , Tim decided it would be best to rip the bandage and explained , " This is my little brother , Tommy . I 've had him since the last time we saw each other , so about three months . " Alfred was shocked , but after giving himself a minute to grasp the situation he reached out to pat Tommy on the cheek before and took him into his arms . Bouncing him a little and mentally connected the dots , Alfred said , " I 'm assuming he is the reason for your leaving Gotham . " Still , he had to asked , " What exactly happened ? He looks far older than three months . " " He 's just over a year old ; his birthday was August 7th . Dana was pregnant when she was in the hospital , but it wasn 't something a lot of people knew . I thought they 'd both died , but Ra 's brought him to life in the pit . I 'm still a little blurry on the details , but apparently it won 't have an effect on him because he never really died . He was just born in the pit if that makes sense . A few months later Ra 's contacted me , he said he waited so long because wanted to make sure there wouldn 't be any side effects , and I got him the night after we moved all of my stuff out of the Manor . " " It 's Thomas Jonathan Drake . " At the curious glance , Tim explained , " Dana picked it out before she died . She told me about it and I decided not to change it . " Tim knew Alfred would be disappointed in the answer , he seemed to really enjoy spending time with Tommy , but he knew it would be best to be honest . " Yeah . It 's not really something I want to spend a lot of time thinking about . " " He 's been pretty good . He doesn 't cry as much as I thought kids do and he doesn 't throw a lot of tantrums , " Tim said hoping to change the subject . " He mostly goes with everything I say although today was an exception . " At Alfred 's raised eyebrow he explained , " We were getting our hair cut today , but Tommy was afraid . He was upset just at seeing me get my hair cut , but he came around on that pretty quickly . " " I must insist , Master Tim . I 'm aware that my time With Master Tom is going to be limited , but I do intend on making the most out of it as possible . " Glancing away from Tommy as he tried to reach for his glasses , Alfred explained , " I consider him to be a member of my family just as you are , Master Tim . " As soon as he was back in his chair Tommy expected lunch and his disappointment when Tim placed the scissors on the counter was evident . Alfred gave him a stern look before he could think of voicing his concern and instructed him to sit straight . " We wouldn 't want for this to end in disaster , Master Thomas . People aren 't going to be impressed with a boy with messy hair . " Tim knew the final point was directed at him , Alfred 's distaste for his hair was well known to everyone in the Manor , but he chose to ignore as he found one of Tommy 's favorite toys hoping it would distract . When he did look up to see Alfred examining his own hair cut , he offered , " It 's better than what it was before . At least now I don 't need to tie it up . " " I would appreciate it , Maste Tim . " Alfred wasn 't used to someone else offering to cook him a meal and he wasn 't going to let the opportunity pass . At the very least he wanted to see just what Tim was feeding his grandson and if it would require any intervention on his part . " That sounds excellent , Master Tim . " Combing out Tommy 's hair and urging him to keep his attention on the song the dog in his hand was singing , Alfred added , " This shouldn 't take too long . Master Thomas does has impressive hair for his age , but it 's to be expected if we take you into consideration . " Tim was busy setting up the table , but as soon as he was finished he lifted Tommy up and asked , " Now who are you ? You can 't be my little brother because he 's not as cute as you . " Lowering him from his line of vision , Tim pretended to look around wondering out loud , " Where could he have gone ? He was just here a few minutes ago . " He raised and lowered Tommy a few times , pretending to be deep in thought , until Tommy started laughing and Tim gasped , " I 'd know that laugh anywhere . You must be my Tommy . " Holding him closer , Tim asked , " Is that you , Tommy ? I 've been looking everywhere for you . " The noise Tommy gave him in response was more like a cackle , but Tim pretended it was and answer and returned him to his seat with the explanation , " It 's time to eat , Tommy . I know how energy consuming a haircut can be . I 've had 17 years of experience . " At that response Alfred 's head shot up from where he was sweeping the floor . It took him a moment to realize Tim had had a birthday in the months he 'd been away from Gotham and he hated himself all the more for not realizing . The day had gone by without anyone realizing Tim was missing and he wanted to steal Tim back to the Manor and make it up to him , but he knew it wasn 't possible . Seeing Tim eliciting more laughs from his little brother as he started placing his food in front of him was all Alfred needed to know Tim was much better off for not being in their presence . Even though it hurt to admit it , there wasn 't much he could do to change it either . He settled for enjoying his company as much as he would be allowed and knew Bruce and Dick would envy , probably even hate , him when everything came to light because it would . No matter how much Tim might want to avoid it , one stray paparazzi posting a picture of him with Tommy would be enough to reveal his secret and it probably wouldn 't be too far in the future . Alfred quickly swept the hair away into the trash can before cleaning his hands and pulling out a seat beside Tim . He ate silently , more focused on Tom and Tim laughing with one another than his food , before putting his plate away and looking for something to do . Tim seemed to see his confusion and asked , " Can you warm up some milk ? He 's going to need his nap soon . Tommy 's always tired after his lunch . " The trio found themselves on the couch watching television until Alfred started to notice Tom yawning . Watching him struggle to get through the bottle in his hand , keeping it in his mouth but unable to drink and keep himself upright at the same time , Alfred asked , " Should I put him down for his nap ? Master Tom looks like he might collapse at any moment . " As soon as Tom was satisfied with Tim 's position , flat on his back with only his head resting on the arm , Tom crawled up on top of his chest and settled in . He needed Tim 's help to not drop the bottle , but as soon as he had a grip Tom tried to edge himself towards the tv and continue watching . Tim knew it wouldn 't last long and as he 'd expected Tom was passed out in a few minutes as he was struggling to maintain his grip on the bottle now close to running out . While Alfred was fixated on watching Tommy , for Tim it was a regular experience , he simply let his brother doze off on his chest while he scrolled through something on his phone . Alfred wanted to say something , ask to let Tommy sleep beside him , but he couldn 't work up the courage . Instead , it was the weight of his stare that pulled Tim 's attention away from his phone to study the look on his face and it only took him a moment to understand . Dutifully , Tim straightened up slightly before feigning , " I have to go to the restroom , you want to take over for a while ? " Alone with the one year old for the first time , even if Tim was still only a few feet away , Alfred felt an urge to pull out his own phone and take a picture to commemorate the experience . It had been years since he 'd been in the prolonged company of a toddler , especially one he considered to be a part of his family , but it was his respect for Tim 's privacy that kept him from acting . If Tim wanted to raise Tommy without the knowledge or constant criticism from Bruce , far be it for Alfred to complain . He couldn 't promise that the picture wouldn 't be seen by unwelcomed eyes so instead he focused on memorizing as much of the moment as he could . Usually Alfred would go through the expected routine of assuring Tim he would be fine with either choice , but this time he didn 't want to let the opportunity slip . " It would be no problem , Master Tim . Take all the time you need . " Tim quickly left the room to find a jacket and some money before adding , " Tommy will probably be up by the time I get back so you might need to change his diaper . Everything is in his room , you 'll be able to tell which one it is , and then you can decide what you want to do . Like I said , he 'll usually just go with the flow if you want to watch a movie or a game he can play on the iPad . " " I can 't promise that Master Bruce or Master Dick won 't find them , Master Tim . It might blow your secret , " Alfred said in warning . Even if he wanted to , he wouldn 't risk Tim 's privacy . Alfred appreciated the consideration and waved goodbye at Tim as he disappeared behind the door . Once again alone with Tommy , Alfred thought back to Tim 's own collection of pictures and tried to imagine where he could have stored them . Knowing the teenager , Alfred expected him to have the pictures stored anywhere he could and from what he 'd learned about today 's technology that could mean anything short of the microwave . Conscious of not disturbing Thomas as he continued to nap , Alfred leaned forward to the remote from where it rested on the coffee table and tried to navigate to where the photos app . He eventually asked Siri low enough not to bother Tommy and allowed her to lead him there instead . He found a few different albums , most having something to do with what Alfred supposed were jokes from the internet , and ignored them for the one aptly titled , " Tommy . " He didn 't know how long he 'd spent looking through the pictures , Tim certainly had quite a collection for only having his brother for a few months , but soon enough Tom was starting to wake up . The nap was too short for Alfred 's comfort , only an hour long , but well within the limits Tim had set so he didn 't think too much of it . Tom 's bottle was already finished , he dropped it when he couldn 't get anything more from it , but he 'd started drooling on Alfred 's pant leg and yawning as his nap neared it 's end . Alfred watched as he slowly sat up , now fully rested , and looked around for something Alfred didn 't understand . Tommy grew slightly more anxious as he couldn 't find it and much to Alfred 's horror he started shrieking . When nothing worked he worked through the options , changing his diaper and giving him something to eat before realizing he was probably afraid that his older brother wasn 't around . Knowing it would be his best option , Alfred opened a picture of Tim on the television and asked , " Do you see Master Tim ? He 's right there . " Thinking quickly , Alfred lead them both away to the iPad resting on the couch where Tim had last used it . After a few minutes of urging Tommy to put in the passcode , Alfred navigated to the photos app and pulled up the same picture of Tim . He lifted it up to Tommy 's eye level and said , " Here 's Master Tim , again . Do you want to hold him ? " Confused , Tommy looked back between the Tim on the tv and the Tim in front of him before deciding he didn 't care . He took the iPad away from Alfred , rougher than he needed to be , and ran away from the living room still angry . Satisfied not to have him crying , Alfred followed him to the theater room as Tommy whispered to the iPad and lifted himself onto a seat . He looked back at Tim expectantly and Alfred quickly worked out that he wanted to watch a movie . He took a seat beside Tommy , aware of how the one year old gripped the iPad closer to his chest , and started a movie chuckling at how easily Tommy 's spirits were lifted . The one year old looked as happy as he ever had been watching the pictures on the screen and talking to the picture of his older brother . Both of their attentions were focused on the screen so it wasn 't a lot trouble for Tim to sneak up from Tommy 's side and jump up as soon as he was close enough to grab a hold of him . At first Tommy was ready to start screaming again , but as soon as Tim was clear he reached forward wanting to hold him . He much prefered this version of Tim to the one on the iPad who wouldn 't even say anything back to him . Tim wasn 't happy to know that his brother had been hard on Alfred and he wanted to correct things as swiftly as possible . He sat down beside Alfred and sat Tommy down on his lap . Keep him at eye level , Tim sternly asked , " Where you being difficult , Tommy ? You know you 're better than that . " Not used to Tim being angry with him , Tom thought it would be best to ignore it . Instead he leaned into his chest and dug out the iPad to play a game . Now that his brother was here he wasn 't interested in the movie anymore . Upset , Tim snatched the iPad out from his hands and forced Tom to face Alfred . Tom started to struggle , but he settled down when Tim shot him a glare . " Say you 're sorry , Tommy . After you apologize you can get it back . You have to apologize to Alfred first . " At the confused and scared look Tom gave both of them , Alfred sympathized with the toddler . He urged Tim , " You don 't have to do that , Master Tim . He was just upset not to have his older brother around . " " That doesn 't mean he can be rude , especially not to family . Say you 're sorry , Tommy . Say you 're sorry . " He repeated the instruction slowly to make it easier for him to understand . Rubbing his back supportively , Alfred assured him , " That 's okay , Master Tommy . I know you you couldn 't help yourself . " This was the first time Tommy reached out to him , even if it did take some prodding at first , and he wasn 't going to let the opportunity slip past him . Tom decided to he could forgive Alfred for the struggle an hour ago and he much prefered him to Tim right now . After a moment if enjoying Alfred 's support , Tom straightened up and started pulling on his jacket . " Room . Room . " Alfred waited for a cue from Tim and when he had a nod he stood up to follow Tommy 's lead . Tommy gripped tightly to his pant leg and started to pull . Once again , for good measure , he said , " Room , " in case Alfred had forgotten already . When they were finally in his room , Tommy instructed Alfred to sit in the chair while he brought out some of his larger toys that didn 't need to be brought to his pen . His favorite was a xylophone in bright colors that Tim had adjusted to have an even wider range . Laughing as Tommy refused any help even though it took all of his strength to position it in front of him , Alfred remarked , " You remind me so much of your older brother . He makes his own rules too . " " He 's been doing an excellent job of raising you , you know , although I do wish he was raising you in Gotham . " Thinking to himself Alfred realized , " I guess you don 't know a lot about Gotham . Tim probably doesn 't like to think about Gotham or Master Dick , definitely not Master Bruce . " He stopped for a moment to enjoy the song Tommy was working on before adding , " You 're far too young to understand , but if you ever need them , us , you have a family who would love to meet you , Master Tom . " Tom decided he 'd had enough of the xylophone and immediately stuck a flute in his mouth . Alfred had to fix his direction , but it didn 't change much as Tom tried to suck in instead of blowing out . It wouldn 't have made a difference to correct him , so Alfred left Tommy to work on his masterpiece to see what Tim was up to . " It 's not work , Alfie . I 'm just winning an argument . " More to himself than Alfred , he whispered , " Cause that 's what I do . I win . " " Not really . I only had to take a placement exam to make sure I was ready for junior year . It was pretty easy considering how little I spent in class sophomore year . " " You don 't have to worry about us , Alfred . I know better than that . Plus , when was the last time I 've done anything over the weekend . " There was a lull in the conversation as Tim finished up on whatever he was writing . When he finally looked at Alfred , looked at the way he was focusing on not looking at Tim , he realized , " You want to babysit Tommy don 't you ? " " I have no objections either way , Master Tim . I understand why you 'd like to keep him in New York and I won 't fight you on it . I don 't have the right . " " So we can come up with a plan . You can come by once a month for the weekend , make any kind of excuse to Bruce , and in return I 'll call you when I need help . You get a weekend a month and I get a babysitter . " " I 'd love to , Master Tim , but I can 't . I have to get back to Gotham and start on dinner for Master Bruce and Dick . I didn 't leave with a lot of warning . " Tim looked at the clock and realized he 'd been over for much longer than he 'd expected . With the long drive home he 'd have to leave soon . Drawing his attention to the time , Tim asked , " How soon do you have to go ? " " I 'll go get Tommy , " Tim announced . " He 'll be upset if he doesn 't get the chance to say goodbye , " Tim disappearing behind the hallway . Alfred made sure there was nothing he was missing and came back the kitchen just in time to have Tim set Tommy down on the counter . " He does that a lot , " Tim explained . Looking down at Tommy so his focus was on Alfred , Tim instructed , " Say bye - bye , Alfie . He has to leave to go home . " They were out of the apartment quick enough , waving goodbye to the receptionist and walking to the daycare . By now Tom knew to be excited . He was ready to jump out of Tim 's arms by the time they reached the front desk and Tim started sighing in . Tim walked past the front gate , he already knew the layout of the whole campus , and into the main building . The school wasn 't anywhere near as uppity as Gotham Academy , something Tim considered to be a good thing , a very good thing , and most of the other students seemed fine enough . He dropped off some of his books in his locker , he wouldn 't need them until after lunch anyway , and walked to his first class . His class wasn 't hard to find , although he did think he had the wrong room when it was empty , and he took up a seat in the back . Like it or not he was raised a bat and this seat gave him the best view of the whole classroom and the courtyard down below . With nothing else to do , Tim pulled out his phone again and scrolled through social media . His close friends knew he was in New York , he 'd made sure Ives knew any possible way to contact him , but he didn 't have some messages asking about his schedule and where he 'd be spending lunch and he thought it would take too much effort to respond back . Ignoring them was easier . A few other students came in not long after , awkward smiles all around , and soon enough there was noise coming from the courtyard . Tim was able to drown out most of it as students meeting classmates they hadn 't seen since before summer until he heard shouting and an obvious commotion . From what he could tell a couple of football players were ganging up on a nerdy looking kid , but another kid , someone Tim was sure he 'd seen before , came in to stop them . The nerdy kid was being antagonized by a couple of the other students , he probably wasn 't all that popular , but he seemed to handle it like a trooper and walk past them . It must have been a common occurrence as most of the other students seemed interested . They all either watched as bystanders or focused on something else . Before Tim could come up with the costume design for his high school bully fighting super hero , said nerdy kid walked into the classroom and took the seat closest to Tim . He didn 't seem to notice Tim so he assumed the kid just wanted to be out of the other 's eyeline . It didn 't take long for the class to fill up and Tim could make some of the other students from the crowd from the courtyard . A particular blond in a letterman stook out from his seat not to far ahead from him . Every now and then he 'd look back to the back of the classroom , but neither of the two said anything . The teacher came in a few minutes later and and once the bell rang he immediately started hanging out syllabi while explaining , " Everyone should be in here for biology . If you 're not supposed to be with me , Mr . Robertson , I 'm sorry but you 're in the wrong room . " After no one moved he added , " We 'll start with the roll now so everyone has time to see if there 's been a mistake and we can fix during class . If you 'd like to go by something other than the name on my roll feel free to tell me . " " Guilty , " he said with a smile . " Aunt May wanted me to keep you company , but I didn 't think it would be this easy to find you . She said you 're from Gotham and new here . " " Yeah I guess , " Tim said with a laugh . He 'd had to talk about Batman enough in school it stopped being weird a long time ago . " He 's no Iron Man though . Tony Stark really is something else . " This was his own special dig against Bruce and Tim only wished he 'd been able to hear it . " Well I guess New York is lucky enough to have a bunch of heroes . The Avengers are based down here and there 's Daredevil too , but he usually sticks to his own little section of the city . " Shaking his head , Peter forced himself to focus . " I 'm supposed to be telling you about the school , not heroes . Do you have your schedule with you ? We can see if we have any classes together . " Tim didn 't think too much of it and watched the other students from the hallway while he waited . M - cubed seemed like a regular high school , jocks and nerds always at odds with most people focused on socializing , and nothing seemed out of the ordinary . For a school practically next door to a major wing of the superhero community everything looked normal , but this also could just be because it was the first day of the school year . There was still a lot of time for a mess to brew up and Tim had a feeling that was exactly what was going to be happening . . " It really is . They 're partnering with our science programs this year and that means a lot trips to see their research . It used to be Oscorp , but they 've been having some trouble recently . " His voice tapered off at the end of sentence and Tim made a mental note not to talk about Oscorp around Peter . He could save that for when he 's back at home . " The suit is probably something he works on privately , " Peter with a laugh . " There 's nothing a few high school students could do that he couldn 't . We 'll probably see more about energy conservation considering it 's what he 's been focusing on the last couple of months . " " Harry , this is Tim Dick . He just moved here from Gotham . Tim , this is Harry Osborn , a good friend of mine since middle school , " Peter said introducing them to one another . The teacher followed the same routine as the previous one , handing out the syllabus and taking a roll of the students in attendance , but Tim could tell some of the students were talking about him . When he was sitting in the back he wasn 't in the eyeline of most people , but by being in the center of the room he had half the class looking at him . The good thing was that after years of peers knowing some of the most private parts of his life Tim was used to it . " So the rumor going around is that you 're Bruce Wayne 's son , Tim Drake , " Flash said ignoring Harry . " Any chance you moving out here means the Wayne family is moving to New York too ? My father would love to get a chance to talk to yours and I couldn 't let the chance to get to know you slip . " " Well , Pete ? Anything to say ? " Tim asked curious . He knew Peter wouldn 't agree with Flash , but he was curious about how he would respond . " You know you don 't have to walk me home , right ? " Tim asked as Peter followed him off campus . Harry lived in the same direction , but he was stopping by at his father 's company before going home . " It 's really no problem , " Peter assured him . " Aunt May told me where you live and it 's not too far from our own place . Only a few blocks . " " So anything your looking forward to ? " Peter asked hoping to make casual conversation . " New York is pretty awesome if you haven 't figured out yet . " " If it 's any consolation this also means more superheroes , " Peter said cautiously . He didn 't want the conversation to go closer to Spider - Man , but he couldn 't help it . " A new one seems to pop up every few weeks . " " Maybe you have to , but I thought he looked pretty cool last night . He took out five robbers with one clean swipe , " Peter said mimicking the movement . " That has to count for something . " Tim had seen the video on his way to school , but he didn 't think that much of it . Spidey relied too much on his powers and couldn 't win a fight without them . It was a good thing he mostly dealt with petty crime . " It 's pretty obvious no one 's taught him how to fight before , " Tim said hoping it didn 't give too much away about his past . His defense of Spider - Man definitely raised an eyebrow , but Tim was used to people being uber defensive of their heroes . It only made sense that people would be more defensive with more internal competition to go against . Looking around he noted , " The daycare is just up there . It won 't take too long to check him out . " " I don 't really know why Flash has a problem with me , but there 's been a rivalry since elementary school . I think there was something about a birthday , but I 'm not sure . We 've been at odds ever since . " Tommy grumbled a mess of noises into Tim 's shoulder , but was more interested in Peter as he followed them out the office . He held out a finger that Tommy immediately grasped as he introduced himself . " Hi , little guy . I 'm Peter , a friend of your big brother . " |
Hey All , We have many people in our lives who mean so much too us . It is written that " life is but a vapor " . Only here for a brief time and then gone from sight . . . . . . . . . but these souls live on in us and through us . They contributed to who we have become , even if only in a small way . They make us better people . . . . . . . even in the toughest times . My grandfather was a 92 year old man when he passed away from prostate cancer . When he was 60 , his most used phrase was " what the hell , I 'm an old man " , when my grandmother tried to persuade him to do something she wanted . He still worked on projects at his grown childrens ' houses until he was in his 80 's . I wonder when he turned 90 , if he thought that 60 was still young . I received a call in May 2002 that my Grandfather was in a bad way and wouldn 't be with us too much longer . So , as a family group , Penny , Charlie , my brothers . mother and I went down to visit . He was in a hospital bed in the dining room and was unconscious . My Grandmother and aunt Ruth said that he had been unresponsive for a couple of days . We all took turns going in from the living room to visit and talk with him , even though we couldn 't be sure if he even knew we were there . I went in last and my grandmother and aunt had uncovered him to change him . . . . . . . . . as you would a baby . They were having a hard time of it , even though he was very thin , he still weighed more than they could comfortably handle . They asked me to lift him so they could take care of him . I put one arm under his shoulders and one behind his knees and as gently as I could , I lifted him while they took care of him . Our faces were only inches apart . . . . . . . . . . he opened his eyes and looked into mine and asked " what are you doing here ? " I said " I came to see you ! I Love you Grandpop " He smiled . " I love you too " he softly replied in return . He then closed his eyes . He grunted in pain as I gently lowered him back down . . . . . . . . . . he never opened his eyes or spoke again . I took my turn visiting and talking to him after the room was clear . I just wanted him to know how much he meant to me and how much I appreciated what he had done for me as a kid . I told him that I would have been lost in this world if he had not intervened in my life . He couldn 't respond . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . but I could still hear " I love you too " . I went out in the living room and told Tommy about it . He said that this was " a memory that will last a lifetime " . . . . . . . . . . . . and so it has . My grandfather passed away three days later . He may be gone from this world . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . but he rests lovingly in my heart . Precious and few are the gifts such as these . Blessed are those who receive them . Hey All , Everyone should be as fortunate to have someone , at sometime in their life , who contributes in a special way . This post is hard to write as it causes a flood of emotion from the many memories that are shown to me like a movie in my mind . Mrs Marie came to be part of my life by chance . . . . . . . . . maybe . I was born and she was my guardian angel already at her post , living just across the street . She had eight children of her own . . . . . . . . . all of which she loves and cherishes dearly . . . . . . . . . . . and they her . My first memory of Mrs Marie comes from before I could speak . It was the summer of 1962 and Mom put me out in the back yard and closed the gate . I was 18 months old . Mom was busy with her new baby , Tommy , and the Beast was handful with his violent behavior . Mrs Marie had her own babies to take care of , Flossie and Tony , at this time as well . It was hot ! I don 't know how long I was out there , but my diaper , clothe with safety pins , was soaked . It was uncomfortable and I tried to push it down to get it off , but the safety pins held . I was thirsty , hot and I and started to fuss . It wasn 't long before I was outright wailing as I held on to the fence next to the gate . How long I cried . . . . . . . . I don 't know , but it was quite awhile . I watched the door waiting for mom to come and get me . . . . . . . . . I kept waiting . The longer I watched and waited , the more panic I felt , the louder I wailed . Still watching the door . . . . . . . . . Wailing loudly , through my tears , I saw a head appear in the driveway . That head became shoulders and legs as she walked up the sloping driveway . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Mrs Marie . As she walked up the gate , my crying became a whimper and she picked me up , asking me what was wrong . She went to the backdoor , it was open and she walked in , calling for my mother . . . . . . . . . . . . . . she was standing right there . Mrs Marie checked my diaper and told mom it was soaked and that I needed a change . . She held me as she got me water . . . . . . . which I gulped down , spilling some down my shirt , getting her shirt wet as well . She commented on how thirsty I was . I wonder how long I would have had to cry before mom would come for me . . . . . . . . . . . if Mrs Marie hadn 't . She was standing in the kitchen . . . . . . . . . . . she could see me . . . . . . . . . . . she left me to sun and the heat . I wonder if she me considered me to be like a annoying barking dog . This was the first time Mrs Marie rescued me . . . . . . . . . . . . it wouldn 't be the last . This is a sad , but good thing . That great lady has a very special quality and an endless supply of love in her heart . . . . . . . . . . . . . enough for anyone and everyone . I may not be much . . . . . . . . . . . but without Mrs Marie 's love and example , I have no doubt that I wouldn 't be who I am today . In her , I found an example of what a Mother and a person should be . Sometimes watching them as a family , I felt lonely and a sense of loss . . . . . . . . . . . for what I would never have . To be sure . . . . . . . . . . . without Mrs Marie , I would have been lost . At critical times in my youth , she was the only mother I had . Mr Carmen Scalfaro had found a rare woman for his wife . . . . . . . . . he knew this , loved her and knew that God had blessed him . Mrs Marie . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I can never properly express what I have inside for you . You are a part of me as much as if you gave me birth . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . surely you gave me a chance at life . You are one of Gods willing and ready angels . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I am thankful and blessed that you are one of mine . I Love You . Hey All , Each of us has searched for something at at least once in our lives . . . . . . and I don 't mean Bigfoot or the Loch Ness Monster . Sometimes , what we seek isn 't an object or a person . Sometimes , . it was never missing and sometimes . . . . . . . . . . it will never be found . I was asked by someone for advice . . . . . . . . . . . me of all people . It 's like asking a blind man for directions . It was said , that given my background , at least what they knew of it , that I may be able help them understand . A relative of this person came from a family background I could relate too . This person , I call " Relative " frequently purchased things and stayed in contact with their family even though they lived in another state . Relative now had a family of their own and could be considered to be wealthy by many standards . Relative grew up in a home that was far from " Ward and June Cleaver " and tried to find their place and role in the internal family structure when they were a child . . . . . . . . . and as an adult . There were siblings and Relative was a middle child . . . . . . . . . . . I guess most of this is how I am similar . I am certainly not in a position to judge . . . . . . only to ponder and offer an opinion . My reply was that Relative was still searching . . . . . . . . . . . looking for the piece in their life that was noticeably absent to them . . . . . . but not to their family . Love and acceptance at the very basic level and first begins as a child at home . Who we will become is affected if we are treated differently or less favorably than our siblings This appears to me to be obvious . I believe that Relative has void from a Maternal and Paternal level and through visits , phone conversations and buying things that their parents that they can not for themselves is pushing to be loved and treated as their siblings are . How can someone express this ? " Hey I 'm your kid too ! Don 't I count ? Don 't I deserve your affection ? I am right here in front of you . Don 't you see me ? Won 't you show your love to me too ? How long do I have to wait ? What do I need to do ? Hey , I 'm your kid too . . . . . aren 't I ? " This is a unending search for love and acceptance . . . . . . . . . looking for parental approval . Our bodies age and we feel it as times goes by . . . . . . . . . . but our hearts can get stuck and hampered by not getting the nurturing love we crave so deeply . Our needs are foundational to our growth physically and emotionally . . . . . . . . . . without proper care and nourishment our growth in any form is delayed or worse strangled . It 's like looking for water in middle of desert . I pray you find it . Sometimes this desire can lead to a lifelong attempt to mend a broken bridge in your heart . You 're not the one who broke it . . . . . . . . . but you 're the one stranded on the other side . It 's extremely difficult to change these feelings . Some get to point when they realize that nothing they do will change the past or future losses with someone so important to them . They stop walking into that closed door . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . they start the long journey around it . I wish these travelers a safe and successful trip . . . . . . . . . . . they need and deserve it . October 1997 . This was a great year . Penny said " I do " and and life was good overall . On this one particular day , Penny and I had a dinner date . I was a self employed Plumbing / HVAC contractor and had a boiler installation just two blocks from home . Penny cautioned me not to be late coming home . . . . . . . . . . . . . I was notoriously late for everything . Some habits are hard to break . My customer was a little 88 year old lady whom I had worked for quite a few years and her sons family as well . I had a helper working with me then , a teenager from church . He 's a hard working lad and assisted me almost daily . We cleared the way that we would bring the boiler in the house . There was no basement entry so we had to go through the kitchen and down the basement stairs . We were all set when the truck arrived with the boiler safely packed in a wooden crate . The delivery man had only worked for this company a couple of months and he was late and arrived at noon . These things happen . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I 'm well versed . He strapped the boiler on his heavy duty dolly and we brought it into the house to the top of the stairs . Now this guy was of athletic build . . . . . . . . . . . . . thin and muscular . We decided that he would take the top and my helper and I would brace the bottom and this was the way we usually did this . About a third of the way down 18 steps I noticed something was just a little off . The boiler was coming down faster than it should have been . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . so fast that it was bouncing from step to step and it made quite a bit of noise and vibration . I looked up and the delivery guy was sitting on a step . . . . . . . . . . he wasn 't able to handle the weight and lost his grip . The boiler was on its own . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . with two guys below trying to get out of the way . We made it too . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . except that my helper was standing in the way at the bottom . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . fascinated by bouncing boiler , still strapped to the dolly . I leaned across and shoved him in the chest and jumped back to get back out of the way . I felt a sharp pain in the side of my head and then I was airborne . I landed ten feet from the now overturned boiler . . . . . . . . onto the cold concrete floor . I realized what had happened after a few seconds and got to my hand and knees . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . with blood dripping from the side of my head . Poor Mrs C . She made her way down the stairs and was pretty shook up . She got me towel and wanted to call an ambulance . . . . . . . . . . . . . . the dolly handle had hit me in the side of the head when the boiler overturned at the bottom of the steps and had torn my ear about half way through . I told her I had no health coverage and not to do that . I had my helper uncrate the boiler and inspect it for damage and then went to the clinic in town . The doctor wouldn 't treat me due to the nature of the accident and insisted that I go to the hospital for xrays and stitches and not to drive . I searched for a ride and finally got one from Mrs ' C 's daughter in law . We drove to the Vet . . . . . . I mean hospital , all the way behind a drunk driver going 30 MPH , swerving from lane to lane . They took me into the emergency room and the Vet . . . . . . I mean doctor ordered Xrays and was preparing to put in stitches . It was then he asked about insurance . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . suddenly Xrays weren 't necessary and I was told that a shot to numb the ear would only make the bleeding worse . He stitched me up without anything for the pain . To add insult to literal injury , I got a bill for 600 dollars from the Vet . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Oh , I mean hospital . I 'll get it right someday . Penny told me if I didn 't want to take her out that night that I didn 't have to go to so much trouble . My right ear was twice the size of my left for quite some time . Many of you who have read my stories know that I have been in the wrong place at the wrong time . This is another incident that could have been life threatening . God had decide once again to keep me around . . . . . . . . . . . . . . for what , I 'm not sure . I 'm pretty sure my guardian angel is due for a vacation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . he or she must be tired . I know I am . Hey All , Life is full of surprises . . . . . . . . . . I realize that you already know that . You didn 't get this far without experiencing your fair share of them . . . . . . . as everyone eventually experiences the unexpected . . Keep your eyes open . . . . . . . . . . . . the next one might just be around the corner . While in school during the fall and early winter , we trapped furbearers , such as fox , raccoon and muskrat for fun and spending money . This was part of my fathers childhood and he passed this skill and tradition along to his boys when they reached 12 years old . It gave us a way to buy gifts for Christmas and things we might like to have . Tommy was by far the most successful of my fathers son , when it came to this activity . The law required that you check your traps at least every 36 hours . . . . . . . . . sometimes you were sick or were otherwise unable to do it yourself and your brother would check them for you . We were in High School and my friend Joe G had driven us up to Buckingham . My cousin Carl , . who was about 20 years old , still lived with Grandma at this time while attending college , had come home just before we left to check Tommy 's trap sets . The Beast was already there as it was his favorite place to mooch . . . . . . . . . . I mean hang out . Carl decided that he wanted to go along . . . . . . . . . . . . not to be left out , so did the mooch . . . . . . . I mean Beast . . . . . . . . . . . Eh , synonyms . . . . . . . . . . two words , same picture in the dictionary . It was a moonless and crisp autumn night as we loaded into Carls station wagon . He brought Dads . 22 revolver in case Tom had caught something and needed to be dispatched . Carl drove his wagon down through the grass fields near Buckingham Mountain to the first set and turned on his high beams . We could see a pair of eyes reflecting back at us . . . . . . . . . . . so we got a little closer and stopped with the high beams illuminating a beautiful mature Red Fox . I wasn 't a big surprise because Tommy had caught many Red Fox . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . as I have said he was the most successful of our litter . We gathered around in a semi circle and admired this beautiful animal . Carl was across form me and Joe G was to his left , the Beast was to my right We had to keep a good distance from the Fox as not chance getting bit . . . . . . . . . . . . . which put Carl about 15 feet away with Fox between us . Carl loaded his pistol , cocked it and held it out at arms length as he sighted on the Fox . . . . . . . . . . . . . . then he just stood there like that . I had my fingers in my ears and I removed them and asked " Are you going to pull that trigger or not ? We don 't have all night and still have more sets to check . " He said " I have a better idea . We 'll take him alive and put him into the Fox pen , up back in the garden . " I groaned and said to him , " just how do think your going to do that ? " " I 'll think of something " , he replied . Now , Carl is a intelligent guy and frequently has great ideas . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . this wasn 't one of them . He says to me " catch " and tosses the loaded , still cocked pistol , high over the Fox . The pistol flies over the Fox and I lost sight of it in the high beams of the car . The first thing that came into my mind was " what the hell is he doing ? Has he lost his mind ? " I thrust out both hands to where I thought the pistol was going come down and realized I had to catch it just right or someone might be shot . I stepped forward to get in better position but the Fox lunged and reminded he still had sharp teeth and I jumped back as the spinning revolver came out of the blinding headlights into view . I had no options but to wait for the pistol to come to me . I put my hands together . . . . . . . . hoping catch it gently as possible in my open palms . It was a plan . . . . . . . . . . . . unfortunately , the guns spinning motion and the spots in my eyes from looking into the lights , prevented that from happening . I caught it alright . . . . . . . . . . . . . with a finger in the trigger guard and it went off . Everyone stood still and was silent for a long pause . Then I shouted " is anyone hit ? " . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . all responses were no . That night certainly could have turned out with a much more heartbreaking ending . It was Russian Roulette with a uncontrolled , spinning firearm . . . . . . . . . . . . . with anyone of four peoples lives at risk . We all expressed our thoughts to Carl . . . . . . . . . . . . . . colorfully , then agreed we wouldn 't tell Dad or Grandmom , so that Carl wouldn 't get into trouble . He already realized his mistake and no amount of screaming or physical threats would make him understand it any better . We got off easy with the lesson we learned that night . Joe G still talks about . In the lessons in life that come your way , you often find that you have no control . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . events come at you like a spinning gun that could hurt you or someone you care about . You can only do what you can and say a prayer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . you may only get enough time for quick one . Make them count . Hey All , By the time I was 18 , I had already had more experiences than I wanted to remember . The problem lies with me . . . . . . . I can 't forget them . They are a permanent part of me that pop up as if they have a mind of their own . . . . . . . sometimes random and sometimes with something to trigger them . . . . . . . . . and the emotions that go with them come too . I had spent from the end of August / September 1979 to the end of November 1979 in training for my military job . I was on edge after the events from the story " Basic Training " . . . . . . . . . that was some " training " I could have done without . I was at Fort Lee , Virginia . We slept in a large room in bunk beds in these barracks as was common in many units . I had developed a cold with a low grade fever . . . . . . . as in Basic Training I was not permitted to stay as a precaution against infecting everyone else . I was pretty apprehensive , but I was ordered to to the upper respiratory ward of the hospital until the fever passed . . . . . . . . . . . just as in Basic Training . I was given meds and I eventually slept . The Nurse was a captain and she came to get my vital signs . . . . . . . . . . she called " Private Scarborough " as she entered the room . I went from sleeping , to standing on the bed in panic and fear with my fists cocked in her face . She started backing slowly away as she spoke softly " easy . . . . . . . . calm down . . . . . . I 'm not going to hurt you " as she backed out of the room . I got my bearings and my fear under control and sat down on the bed . The Captain and a husky male nurse came back shortly after that . I apologized for what had happened . Hospitals and beds had become two places where I had been vulnerable . . . . . . . . . . . . and would be again . Our unit moved across post to old WWII style barracks to make room for a new unit coming in . My habit of drinking too much started back then . I was never a problem , but I withdrew and only interacted with others when required or spoken to . I was always restless . . . . . . . . . . looking over my shoulder . . . . . . . . waiting . After a night of one too many , I sprawled out on my bunk without getting undressed and slept . What happened next is in the official report . A couple of the guys tried to engage me in conversation but I was out . They decided I needed a cold shower . . . . . . . so the took me out of bed and carried me into the showers , turned on the cold water and threw me in . I became conscious and jumped up . . . . . . . . . . . . . . cold , wet and confused as to what was happening . I hit my head on the tile shower block in my sudden rise and went down . . . . . . . . . . . out again as the cold water poured over me . My body went onto shock and my body trembled . The guys got scared and pulled me out and went for the Charge of Quarters ( CQ ) . An ambulance was called and I was treated for shock , hypothermia and nasty knot on my head . I regained consciousness still shivering but my vital signs were stabilizing . I was still confused with the lights and the people standing around me . Those boys were reprimanded and the CO addressed the company about what could have happened . . . . . . . . we were all lucky it didn 't turn out differently . I stood under the streetlight smoking my pipe before lights out . It was a nice cool autumn night and you and you could smell the changing season in the air . I always enjoyed this time of year and the peaceful quiet calm of night . I had spent many nights as a kid in the fields at home . . . . . . . . . . often when when most people had long been in their beds . I felt safe there for some reason . . . . . . . one of the few places that I did . Two men came walking down the road carrying bags from the PX . I recognized each of them as they drew near as being from our unit . One had to be careful back then . . . . . . there was a rivalry between some units and a few men from different units had beaten . . . . . . . just because . It sounded to me like gang type of behavior , , but , I couldn 't believe that this could exist between military units . . . . . . . . . . I was wrong . At first as they walked up to me they started talking trash . . . . . . . . . . . . . . when I identified who I was and who they were , one of them spoke up and stated that it didn 't matter . . . . . . . . they were going to kick my ass . I explained to the guys that I knew who they were and would be able to indentify them when I filed a report with the MP 's . They tried to get me into the woods adjoining the barracks and as I resisted one of them grabbed my pipe and broke it . That did it . . . . . . I got away and went straight to the CQ . I filed a report and before I was finished the two men came in and filed their own report saying I attacked them . The CO investigated the next day and he didn 't buy their version . The leader of the two was ordered to pay for my pipe on the next payday and they got extra duty for their trouble as well . Payday came and when I hadn 't been paid I talked to our Platoon Sgt before the last formation of the day . He was aware of the circumstances and before he dismissed us , he called that guy forward and ordered him pay me , in front of the platoon . He came up and refused . . . . . . . . . . . . . . he was then ordered to do it now or report to the CO for failing to follow a direct order . He decided the pipe was cheaper then an Article 15 under the UCMJ . and paid me . . . . . . . . but he was mad and you could see it . I had been silent all that time , but , not being one to miss an opportunity . . . . . . . . . . . . I said " It was pleasure doing business with you " ! That guy came unglued . . . . . . . . he lunged at me as the Platoon SGT and a couple other soldiers grabbed him . He was ordered to sit on the ground and stay there and I was ordered to get out of DodgI mind my own business and try to stay out of trouble . . . . . . . . . but . . . . . . it doesn 't seem to matter . I know I should not have taunted or provoked that guy , as I knew that he had leaned toward the violent side . I knew I would never see this guy again as it was my last day at this assignment and I was just plain tired of taking it quietly . These events aren 't the only stories I have from Ft Lee . Some suggest that I write a book . What could anyone walk away after reading it say , except to say I 'm one of the world 's unluckiest people ? Maybe I give off some sort of non verbal sign . Maybe it 's the way I look or smell . Maybe this is part of God 's plan . . . . . . . . then there 's no hope . At this point . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I 'm looking for some way to make sense out of this crap . Am I really just that unlucky or is there something just wrong with me and this is all I deserve . How can so many things happen to one person and be random events ? Is my death the only cure for what ails me ? Hey All , I know that this story is a bit strange . . . . . . . . . . but none the less . . . . . . . it 's also true . As children , all three of us , accepted witchcraft as normal . . . . . . a recognized fact and part of our lives . . Our Grandmother had schooled some of her daughters in the complexities of many rituals . . . . . . . . . as well as how to protect yourself and your family from the power of this evil force . No mistakes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . it was never presented as a good thing . My mother had continuously cautioned her sons about witches and warlocks in our neighborhood . . . . . . not that I ever knew if I 'd met one . I will always have a healthy respect for what I had learned as a kid with a curious mind . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and fear , always the fear from within our family borders . We sat under the Norway maple tree , in front of her house , across the street from ours . She was my age and had asked why my Mom was watering the curb , sidewalk and the fence line around our house I was embarrassed and answered quickly , that she was killing weeds . No . . . . . . . . there was salt and water in that watering can and it was used for keeping evil spells from affecting anyone within the marked boundaries . . . . . . . . . . . . . along with the stated prayer when the water was applied . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . that 's why she was mumbling to herself . She was baking on this particular summer day . She made loaves of bread , coffee cake and blueberry buckle . I was a guest at their house for my 8th grade year . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . it turned out to be part of my continuing and unforgettable education . I sat on the concrete steps of the back porch . . . . . . staring into space . She had called out to me . . . . . . asked me if my mind was in the gutter . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I , being the naive 13 year old . . . . . . . . said yes . She chuckled about that , so I went inside and asked what " in the gutter " meant . I turned all shades of red when she told me . . . . . . . . . . . . I was real naive . As she mixed the ingredients for her breads , she talked freely about spells and witchcraft . She recited several different spells and even mentioned whom they were cast upon . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . as well as the expectations or results from them . I being curious , asked " You sure know a lot about spells . Where did you learn it ? " She changed the subject quickly without answering . One spell that was the most memorable . . . . . . . that was cast to cause harm in that very home . It was meant for my Uncle , but the spell was interrupted before bearing fruit . A feather was taken from the pillow of the the intended and a spell was cast . . . . . . . . . . and when the spell was complete . . . . . . . . . . the life of the owner of the pillow belonged to Satan and the life was his to control . As she related the spell to me . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . a small chicken would form from the feathers inside the pillow , while the owner was sleeping . My Uncle had discovered it in his pillow and had grabbed hold and brought it to his Mom . An exorcism had followed . As I understand it . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . when they cut the pillow open . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . a chick in the form of feathers was in hand . I took this story at face value . . . . . . . . . . I mean , come on . . . . . . . really ? I had awakened with movement near my head . I could feel that there was something moving , but , I was confused as to what exactly was happening . I grabbed at it . . . . . . . and it was squirming in my grip . I concluded that I had a mouse in my hand and let it go . . . . . . . then tried find how it got in there . There were no holes in the pillow . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and when I searched the pillow end to end . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . it was empty , except for soft feathers . I immediately felt the hair on the back of my neck stand up . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . couldn 't be . . . . . . . . . I must have been dreaming . I said nothing about it and went about getting ready for school . It was a Saturday morning and I was allowed to sleep in until 8 am . I was half asleep when I felt movement by my head . . . . . . . . . . . . I opened my eyes and laid there as the wiggling continued . I grabbed hold , sat up and put my feet on the floor , as whatever it was , squirmed in my hand . I was amazed and confused at the same time . . . . . . . . . . . . . . what was going on ? Then , I looked down the hall through my open door . . . . . . . . as . my Grandmother took the last step into the hallway from the stairway . She silently stared at me and the hair on the back of my neck and arms were standing at attention . . . . . . . . . . . . . then asked me what I had . My mind was racing so fast a I didn 't know what to say . How did she know I had anything ? How did she climb those bare wooden steps , in heels , without me hearing her ? How would anyone outside the house . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . get a feather from my pillow , or my uncles ' pillow . . . . . . . years before ? She was the one that told me witchcraft and spells in the first place . I was scared to answer her . . . . . . . . . . . . it seemed like she was looking right through me . . I tossed the pillow onto the bed , releasing the struggling mystery and answered as calmly as I could " nothing " . She didn 't pursue it and went back downstairs . . . . . . . . . . . . . I thought about it it just long enough and then I snuck down the hallway as quiet as I could and swapped the demon pillow with the one from the spare bedroom . This episode had left me with more questions than I can or could possibly try to answer . Grandmom was . . . . . . . . in all of our eyes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . a devout Catholic . How could any of this be ? Yet my questions will always remain . I realize that this sounds . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . way . to the far left of center . . . . . and yes , I 'm taking my meds . I guess if we believe in a loving God . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . then we have no choice but to believe in evil and Satan . Witchcraft was a common subject for us growing up . . . . . . . . my Dad used to poke fun at my mother when she would talk about it or perform some " counter - spell " of some kind . Drunk or sober . . . . . my mother believed without question the lessons taught her by her mother . For me . . . . . . . . . . . I will always shake my head with wonder as I remember that long year of my life . Until next time . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . God Bless . Hey All . We realize that life is learned through our experiences and who we become is affected by them . We can 't always expect what comes our way . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . we can only try and listen to our hearts and walk on that road that seems less traveled . We were in the fourth grade at Crooked Billet Elementary . It was late winter and a very cold and sunny day as we walked to school . We crossed Old York Road as Mrs Shields , our Crossing Guard held up the rush hour traffic . We made our way through the backstreets and crossed the bridge that separated the small residential neighborhood behind us from the school grounds . Just a little farther along path , the trees faded to open up to large fields that had several low places that often held water and froze over when the cold invaded after a rain . He was all bundled up with a knit hat , gloves and his heavy winter coat as we all stopped by the small ponds of frozen water . Many kids picked up what stones that could be found and hurled them to try and brake through the surface . Someone took his hat and threw it out on the ice . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . kids started to get worked up and started cheering . His apprehension was a painful expression as he looked around at everyone , not sure what to do . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and then someone grabbed his lunch and book bag and tossed them out as well . This brought more cheering from the boys and girls in the audience . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and the group grew even louder as more kids stopped by to watch . Then some of the kids decided that he should should join his possessions out on the ice . He suddenly found himself trying to keep his feet from going out from under him . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . as he slid out on to the ice from a hard shove from behind . His panic could be seen and felt through his pained expression , as he unsuccessfully tried to keep his balance . He fell hard which brought a loud chorus of approval , as did the next two falls . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . the last of which broke through the surface . . He became instantly soaked to the skin . with the sThe kid was smaller than his soaked companion but he grabbed him by the arm and told him to keep walking as led him up the paved path to school . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . wanting to get distance from the group of kids behind him . The tall boy was shivering as they tried to hurry along . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . the kid took of his hat and coat and instructed the taller boy to put them on . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . he did this but the sleeves were 3 inches too short . The tall kid asked " Where are we going ? " " To the Office . You need dry clothes and we need to report this to the principal " , the kid answered back . The bottom of their pant legs were frozen sheets by the time the made their way inside . The Principals ' name was Mr Thompson . He called the homes of the boys and explained what had happened . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . their Mothers would be right over with dry clothes . Mr Thompson asked the boys what had happened and who was involved . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . the tall boy didn 't know much , as it happened so fast and there were too many kids there . The smaller boy knew a little more so Mr Thompson took him into his office . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . he refused to admit that he knew of any of his classmates involved . The Moms arrived and were told the story as the boys waited in the nurses office with blankets wrapped around them . The tall kids Mom was angry about what had happened to her son . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . justifiably so . She heard about what the smaller kid had done and went to talked to him , but Mr Thompson talked to her in a few whispered words in the doorway . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and her countenance changed , her disapproval of this boy was evident . The smaller boy sat looking out the window . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . thinking about the events from that morning . He could see and feel the fear and panic in the taller boy and he felt embarrassed and ashamed . He knew what it was like to be out on the ice alone . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . the target of someones idea of fun . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . without help in sight . At first , he was glad it was the taller boy they were after that morning . Then , as he watched the event unfold , he realized that this was what he looked like . A view from the other side . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . when things like this happened to him . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and along with his shame , he felt anger . Angry at the crowd . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . even angrier with himself , for he knew firsthand , how that taller boy felt , but hid within the crowd and became one of them . Angry at himself for being relieved that it was happening to someone else . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . angry for being afraid , angry for not being strong enough to try and stop what was happening . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and the shame he felt was overwhelming . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . for the same reasons . It was that same anger and shame that overshadowed his fear as walked out onto the ice . The boy sat looking out the window . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . alone in in a room in the late afternoon . He wasn 't proud of himself . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . but realized that he did the best he could to right his wrong . He would serve his detentions in silence . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . he knew he deserved them . He was guilty . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . he was . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . that push from behind . I 'll always remember the lesson I learned that day . Although I was they only one punished that day , I 've also learned that I am only responsible for my own sins . I still feel a twinge inside when I think of my part in causing someone else pain . Standing against a crowd or what is popular is not an easy thing to do . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . it takes conviction , courage and strength . Mr Frost . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I hope that you will forgive me . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . that fourth grade kid , who will always remember the lesson you taught him as victim of others . You have taught me to be a better person , a stronger person . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I 'm sorry for what it cost you . Hey All , Many have heard of Irish Twins . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . it refers to two children born with a short span between their births . Tommy and I are like this at 13 months apart . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I am the older one . It is written that " a friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity " . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . God knows what you need and when you 'll need it . Tommy and I did so much together as children and young adults . As kids , we rode our bicycles where ever we wanted to go . It may have been to the Park at Hatboro Pool or Eaton Park across the road from it . We fished and swam in the deep holes in the creek or caught minnows to go fishing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . sometimes with our Dad , but usually on our own . One of us would hold the net and the other would run through the creek to try and scare the minnows into the net . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . in our sneakers , the only pair of shoes we had . We walked those same creeks in the fall and winter trapping for muskrats and raccoon in those same sneakers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . we made up a song and sang it on the way home to try and take our minds off our frozen feet . We got up early , around 430 to 5AM to check and pull our traps before school . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and when darkness fell , we did it again . We both had paper routes for the Daily Intelligencer and when one of us got sick . . . . . . . . . . . . the other delivered newspapers on two routes . When we were old enough to hunt , Tom and I went every chance we could . At a very young age , Tommy and I played together , as teenagers and well into adulthood . We lived at 16 Norwyn Road in Hatboro . We had endured so much together and as individuals . Many times we went hungry and didn 't have much clothing to wear . Dad was usually not around and we often were left to make out for ourselves . Nobody made sure you brushed your teeth , took a shower , had eaten or did your homework . We went out early in the mornings and stayed out as late as we wanted . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . we were on our own . I guess we raised ourselves for the most part as far as " homelife " was concerned . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . or maybe we raised each other . Without my " brother born for adversity " , I couldn 't have survived those days . He was the only person I could depend on , someone that knew what living in that house was really like . He shared my hunger , embarrassment and pains . Maybe we were so close because of those things . I have so many memories from my life and although the pain I feel from some of them haunts me still . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . the warmth and love of many others brings tears to my eyes when I go back in time . Tommy has turned out to be the smartest and most successful of our litter . Although he has had to endure many of the hardships that befall all of us , he was still there when I needed him . He opened his house for 4 years to me when I worked for CBSD . From feeding me to financial aid . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . he always stepped forward . He hasn 't changed much in 50 years . There is no way for me to express how grateful I am for Tommy . He is not perfect . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . but his attributes far outweigh any faults he may have . I Love You , Thomas . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I couldn 't have made it without you . Hey All , I know that many of us participated in athletics in school . In our home that was another thing that was not permitted . . . . . . . . . . . . we could get hurt and we had no insurance . I had asked Mom . . . . . . . . . . . . Dad was on the road as usual . I frequently walked or ran home from school if the weather was nice . I would make it running almost as fast the bus route would take . Mr Wood was a coach and had asked me if I would like to participate in Track or Cross Country . Of course I knew that I wouldn 't be allowed to . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . just as I was denied permission to play football . I was a senior and would walk the long hallway along the parking lot on my way out of the building to run home . If it was too cold or bad weather , members of Track or XCountry could be seen running the halls after school let out . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . this led to my introduction to the Track Star . I would walk along the wall and he would clip me from behind with his shoulder as he ran by , but never said a word or stopped . I usually was lost in thought and at first just thought it was accidental . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I 'm a slow learner . After this occurred a few times , I finally got a good look at this guy and then paid better attention so as not to be caught off guard again , except from behind . I still didn 't know who he was . It turned out that we shared a lunch period together and I inquired with a few friends to discover his identity . Mark was junior , someone I had never noticed , talked to or interacted in any way . . . . . . . . . . . a complete stranger . I would glance around the lunch room and find Mark staring at me . I tried to understand what I had done to this guy to attract his unwanted attention . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I had enough trouble to deal with when I got home everyday . Once he realized that I recognized him as the Track Star , he became openly hostile and aggressive with threatening comments . I tried to go about my business and ignore him . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . but he wasn 't going to let that happen . He was physically more muscular than I was at the time and maybe he had something to prove . I stood at the corner outside of the library after the last bell rang . I was going fishing with my friend Joe this afternoon as it was a gorgeous day . We agreed to meet here and take off to our spot and I tried to look through the crowd for Joe . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . when I heard my name called . Before I could turn in the the direction from which the voice spoke . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . a hard blow landed on my jaw from my left . It took me a few seconds to recover and when I did , there was Mark , his fists clenched , dancing like he was " Rocky " and challenging me to fight . Mt temper flared and all I felt was rage . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I followed him into the near empty library and I was very close to making a bad decision . I was able to get control of myself and then shouted at him . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I told him he was a coward . That he felt safe hitting me from behind , when I was looking the other way , always the " sucker punch " with this guy . Instead of fighting him , I told him I was going to the front office . His punch had caused a chipped tooth and as I have said , we had no insurance . My tooth is still chipped , but the following conversations with the principal ended Marks ' obsession for me . Graduation came and went as did Arny basic training . I went back to visit the ladies of the high school library that very next year . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . as fate would have it , Mark was in the library . He seemed nervous and spoke to me about my military training , particularly hand to hand combat training . I suddenly realized that he was afraid . He was no longer bigger than I was and I had military training . . . . . . . . . . . . . . he thought I was going to come after him . Suddenly , I felt sorry for him . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . for I was well versed in fear . I informed him that I had no interest in him and that I had nothing to prove , to him or anybody else . I told him that he was wrong for his what he had done . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . that he was just a bully , a real man meets another one , face to face . The relief could be read on his face and heard in his voice . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . he even apologized . Why me ? Was it the color of my eyes or the way I walked ? Something had drawn attention to make me a target . What about me says , " I 'm vulnerable " ? How can I change this ? How do I protect myself ? What 's wrong with me ? That 's quite a few questions and the answer is the same for all of them . Nothing . The problem is not you . It 's not something about you or because of you . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . it 's something inside the bully . What makes a person enjoy hurting others for sport ? I wonder who hurt them . What causes them to be so insecure that they have this unfulfilled need to prove to themselves that they are some how better than someone else . . . . . . . . . . . . by embarrassment , ridicule and physical harm ? Those answers are as individual as the bully . Just because you have authority , money or a physically stronger presence . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . doesn 't give you the right to use it as a weapon on another human being . If anything , it 's the other way around . You should have the strength of morality and character to use your assets to lift those up who have fallen and need a hand . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . or a kind word . It won 't hurt . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I promise . Korea . When stationed overseas . . . . . . . . . . . . . military personnel are issued a RCP Card . It looks just like a credit card and is used to track specific purchases . Depending on marital status and family size , each soldier is allowed to spend just so much money and buy only so much liquor , beer , cigarettes etc . These items along with many others were in high demand on the black market and people could easily supplement their monthly income by purchasing and selling what they didn 't use or spend on themselves personally . Spouses get a card too . I was a SGT / E5 by this time with a Korean wife and a son . We were allotted more than enough to cover our family needs for things purchased in the Commissary and PX . I was informed to report to the 1st Sgt at company HQ at 1000 Hrs . I wasn 't informed as to the nature of this order but , being a dutiful soldier . . . . . . . . . I obeyed . I arrived with plenty of time and when the 1st SGT finally had time for me . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . he told me I was overdrawn by dollar amount on my RCP account . He had all the signed slips . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . in the " old days " they put your card in a slide type machine with a paper over it . I sat with him and examined all the slips . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I had only signed 2 of them , my spouse at the time . . . . . . . . . . . . all the rest . Sure enough we were over the limit . I then had to see the " Old Man " , the Commanding Officer . He explained that I could be punished under the Uniform Code of Military Justice - UCMJ , which was entirely up to his discretion . He sent me home to talk this problem over with my wife and I was to report back to him after lunch . When I got home my wife was very surprised to see me . When I explained why I was home . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . she was even more surprised . She went to a drawer and pulled out a cigar box with RCP slips in it and added everything up with a calculator and added it again to be sure . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . we hadn 't overspent by her tally . She insisted that they had made a mistake as she was very " careful " to keep track what she bought . I went over to the open drawer and looked inside . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I then pulled out a slip that apparently was under the cigar box . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . this changed everything . I was curious to just what we had purchased that cost so much money . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . since we were out of rations allotment , but , not out of month . She had been black marketing and now my career was in jeopardy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . just shoot me now , please . I then asked how long she was doing this and just where was all that money she made . She claimed to have had been at it awhile and sent the money to her family back home . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . the same family , I had never met . Did they even exist ? She advised me to tell the CO that we had a big party and had overspent , but would be more careful in the future , She wanted me to lie for her and cover up her illegal activity . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . as I walked back to post , I had this nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach that wouldn 't quit . I officially reported to the Old Man and he asked for my explanation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . " Sir . I 'm not going to insult your intelligence . I have only signed 2 of those slips . My wife has been black marketing her ass off . " , I said . There was a long pause as he regarded me with his hands folded in front of his mouth . His reply gave me hope in all the virtues that I had been taught He leaned back in his chair and said " Sgt Scarborough , if you had come in here with some bullshit story about having a big party . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I would have had you Court Martialed and busted back to a Private . Get your house in order and don 't let this happen again . Dismissed . " I sharply saluted , did a quick about face and walked outside HQ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I stood there , considering what had just happened , . Grandmom Scarborough was right . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . " nobody likes a liar " . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . honesty really was best policy . We had a long talk at my house that afternoon and we had come to an understanding . I felt like I had a daughter instead of a wife and she insisted she was being treated as a child . My career was on the line and I wouldn 't accept another mistake on this subject . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . it was my name she would ruin . A few months went by and I received a phone call from the front gate . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . my spouse . She informed me " we " had a problem . She had over purchased cocoa , a controlled item like cigarettes and had found her error too late . I asked when this happened . As it was only a couple of days , I instructed her to go back to where ever she disposed of it and get it back , then , do a return merchandise at the Commissary . Immediately ! It worked . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . no violation was recorded . She wasn 't very pleased after I took her RCP card away though . From then on I would to do the shopping . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . small price . I wish that was " the end " of my marital problems . I was the Titanic and had only seen the tip of this berg . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . just a part of my continuing education . Life is learning , loving and learning how to love others . Sometimes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . it 's learning how to love yourself , even though you 've made mistakes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and sometimes it seems that it is easier to forgive others . . . . . . . . . than yourself . Hey All , Relationships exist in many forms in our lives . The ones that we have with our pets are unique themselves and our pets are as unique with their " personalities " as we are . They may be pets , but , are often considered by many us as part of the " family " . For some people . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . the are the only family they have . Mrs Varga was in her mid - sixties or so in 1988 . She lived alone on her old family farm near Yardley with an assortment of ducks , chickens and a goose that she called Gander . The farm buildings were all in a state of disrepair . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . everything was antiquated and needed something or another . Mrs Varga didn 't have the funds needed to make these repairs , so at times I would make necessary adjustments to her converted coal furnace or fix faucets as needed . She was a talkative old girl . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I suppose there is only so much you can say to goose . It took her a little while to warm up to us , but , I think Charlie , who 5 years old at the time , had more influence over that than I did . She had no family and refused offers from real estate developers to sell her homestead . I met Mrs Varga when I was searching for a place to board my horse . I had owned a couple of horses at different times back then . This particular horse was a registered 7 year old paint named Tiko . He was gelding and was one easiest to get along with . There were no quarters for Tiko at the farm , so I agreed to construct one at no cost to Mrs Varga if she would rent space to me to board Tiko in her pasture . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . we had come to terms . I commenced to building Tiko a shelter . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . we also got acquainted with Gander . He was not like any pet I had experience with . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . he was the farm alarm , announcing the presence of anyone coming down the long lane to the farm house . He was a constant companion who would talk back with Mrs Varga , as if he understood everything she said . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . sometimes he would even argue with her and she . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . with him . Gander was also a dining companion . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . when we were invited to have lunch , Mrs Varga would shoo Gander off the kitchen table so she could set down our meal . He also slept . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . in the bedroom . One day when I went to the farm to feed and water Tiko . . . . . . . Gander announced our arrival with a series of long drawn out honking . Mrs Varga met us in the barnyard and had to scold Gander to make him quiet down . He wasn 't very fond of this and he " muttered " as if under his breath , his tail end wiggling with indignation . Gander could be a bit of bully and at times he would stalk Charlie who was about the same size as this goose . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . pecking at his clothes or if Charlie wasn 't careful . . . . . . . . . . . . . . his fingers . Today was no exception and I kept an eye on them as I talked with Mrs Varga . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . that goose was going to establish a pecking order and Mrs Varga scolded him again as his head snaked back and forth , waddling after Charlie . I put out my hand and guided Charlie so that he was behind me and I kept shifting my body so that I was always between them . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . that goose was pretty smart though , he eyed Charlie through the space of my legs and shot his head forward . Instincts are an amazing thing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . as if on their own , my knees slammed together and caught that goose by the head , trapping him there . He complained with loud squalks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . beating his wings and trying to get free . I thought that Mrs Varga was going to angry . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . but she roared with laughter . " That will teach you Gander ! Now you leave him alone ! " she told him . I released my hold and he retreated about 5 feet away . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . muttering and then flapped his wings and settled back at safe distance . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . he never came closer than 5 feet or so from that day forward . Mrs Varga , Gander and Tiko will always be kindly etched in my memory . When I go back to those days , I remember to be thankful for them . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . they helped me to understand how important all relationships can be . I know that each of us has had experiences that are unique to us . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I hope that yours warm your heart . Korea , 1983 . We had three Korean men working as assistants in the motorpool and they all were very friendly and sometimes shared things they had such as Ramen Noodles or Kimchee . I was a recipient of this generosity for the three years I was there . Their names were Mr Kang , Mr Kim and Mr Yu . This generosity was mainly displayed by Mr Yu . . . . . . . . . a very kindly man of about 60 years old . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and in accepting his favors , I soon learned that I had to give much more than I recieved . Mr Yu would frequently come into my office and pick up my pack of Marlboro and help himself without asking . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . which resulted in my persistant irritation . I had to explain to him many times that he needed to ask first . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . to which he replied in broken english and in part Korean , that as he was older than me , that I must show him respect and let him have the cigarettes . I had a great deal of respect for Mr Yu . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . but I couldn 't get past what I considered to be ill manners and the fact that he did this almost everyday . Many times , while he was having his smoke break in my office , he would reach over my shoulder and pick up my Coke and finish it off . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . no matter how much was left in it . . . . . . . . . . . . . when I would turn around to say something about it he would stick up his index finger as say " Coke number one " ! Did I mention my persistant irritation ? I also had a hard time making him understand the same principle applied to my Coke , and my smokes . Oneday , I was at my desk having a smoke with my Coke and I almost used my soda can as an ashtray . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . a solution to my communication problem with Mr Yu was found ! I smoked my cigarette down using the half full soda can as an ashtray . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . careful not to get any ashes on top and keeping an eye out for Mr Yu . I dropped the butt in the can when I was through and then had another one and did the same . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . fortunately , Mr Yu was late on collecting his entitlement today . OnThey all were fine older gentlemen and I will always remember them with kindness . Mr Yu was rooted firmly in his culture . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I was proud to have been able to teach him a little about mine . Until the next time . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . God Bless . Hey All , I believe that most people have found themselves , where they ran out of money before they ran out of month . Sometimes , when that happens , you have a friend you can go to . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . we had Rich . He wasn 't anybody 's friend if you didn 't repay your debt on payday . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . with 50 % interest . 1980 , Fort Lewis , Washington State . Rich was a tall man of about 6 ' 4 " and I 'd guess he 'd go about 240 pounds . He worked in the motorpool with us and was a very enterprising guy . He didn 't go out much so he always had money and he discovered how to make even more money . . . . . . . . . . almost by accident . One of us was short of cash near the end of the month and desperately needed money . . . . . just for a few days until payday . Rich had money and he offered to loan it with the understanding that on payday he was repaid . . . . . . . with 50 % interest . The desperate man agreed and a new business venture was born . It wasn 't long before the everybody in the motorpool , most of the 2 / 47th Infantrys ' enlisted , as well as some of the Officers , knew of Richs ' loan program and became clients . Rich was never lost money , as far as anyone knew , because of his size . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and fear for their continued good health . When a loan agreement was made , Rich would always tell his clients that he better have it by close of business payday . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . as he leaned over you . . . . . . . . " I better not have to come looking for you " . The loans themselves were not legally permitted . . . . . . . . . . . . . it was against regulations , especially for the Officers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . they knew this and didn 't need to be threatened . It was Friday , payday , and as of this time , I wasn 't one of Richs ' clientele . . . . . . . . . yet . I came back from the Px with munchies and soda after work . I was walking up to the barracks and passed Rich as stood on the sidewalk . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . waiting for the sheep to come for their shearing with their cash . He reached out , grabbed my grocery bag and asked " what did you buy me ? ' . As he rummaged through my bag , I asked politely for its return . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . to which he asked me " what are going to do about it ? Nothing , So , just shut the F * * * up " . Well , I , being of sound body . of only 160 pounds . . . . . . . . . . . . . . but not of sound mind . . . . . . . . . . . put my arms around Rich from behind and lifted him off the ground and asked for my bag again . Oh , he agreed to return my bag alright . . . . . . . . . then he chased me up the flight of stairs as I ran for the safety of my room . He caught me on the 2nd floor landing and the grabbed me by the throat . He backed me up so that I was leaning halfway over the railing , squeezing my throat as my face turned red . He said " who the F * * * do you think you are ? Don 't you ever touch me again . Do you understand me ? " At first , I managed to say " go to hell " . . . . . . . . . . . . . but through his persistent persuasion , that is , my back was killing me as I was bent over the railing and I really didn 't like the look of the concrete sidewalk below . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . if he let go , I wasn 't going to bounce . I squeaked out that I understood . I , also being of stubborn German decent , decided to tell Rich what I really thought . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . but , only when he got down to the first landing and I was at my floor . He came running back up , but by then I was in my door and had it locked . He pounded on it for a little while as he shouted threats , but finally left . What I hadn 't realized , was that in front of everyone in view . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I hurt his image by picking him up and standing up to him . Months had passed . Mike and I were coworkers in the motorpool and eventually became roommates in an apartment off post . Mike had gone to Rich for a loan as we were ones short of cash . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . but , Rich held us both responsible for the loan when he knew what it was for . Payday came and I went and paid the debt . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . so did Mike . When we found out we both had paid , I went to Rich demanding the return of my money . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I 'm sure you can guess what his response was . Well , there was no way to force him to give it back . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . so I went to our Company 's Commanding Officer and reported Rich and his illegal loan program . Rich wasn 't a happy man . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . he was in up to his ears with the CO and his loan program was now history . Rich probably could have continued indefinitely . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . if he had just returned my money . I was assured there would be no retaliation for informing on Rich . . . . . . . . . I was to inform the CO immediately if there was . Greed is a powerful sin . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . as I 'm sure Rich has learned . Hey All , I spent a great deal of time at an early age at my mother 's parents house . This was mostly for my own safety . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . to seperate me from the oldest . . . . . . . . . . . the Beast . I would spend a weekend and go to work with my grandfather or help him around the house . It was from his influence , that I chose my profession . August 1974 . Grandpop was a plumber by trade and I loved being around him . He was one of the first adults I had come to trust . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . he never said mean things or raised his hand to hurt me or anyone . He was firm in his convictions , but , you knew he loved you , even with correction and would always let you know it . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . something that was almost foreign in my life and that I craved deeply . The shop that Grandpop worked at for years , Hicks Brothers was closing up . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Grandpop and the secretary were the last employees for a few years . Mr Hicks kept it open until Grandpop was able to retire . I was asked if I would like a job until school started . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . working on Grandpops last job and cleaning out the shop of stored materials and finally sweeping it clean . I jumped at the chance to go to work with Grandpop . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . it would be one of the last opportunities . I believe that I was the only one of his many Grandchildren that ever had gone to work with him . I loved that month . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Grandmom would make us a hearty breakfast . . . . . . . . . . . . . bacon , scrambled eggs , toast , orange juice and coffee . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . my addiction to caffeine began . She would pack Grandpop a lunch as she had done for the last forty five years and she packed one one for me too . Then there was supper . . . . . . . . . . . always complete with everything . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . it was like eating at a restaurant every night . This was alien to me . . . . . . . . . . I wasn 't accustomed to eating like a king and on a daily basis . I had eaten like this at Thanksgiving and a few times at the Scalfaro household across the street . . . . . . . . . . . Mrs Marie was a great cook too . The month and my job were coming to a close . I had picked up a little money in my pocket as well as a couple of pounds added to my bones . I was to start the eighth grade at Keith Valley Middle School this September . . . . . . . . . . . . . but the Beast was restless . Dad was on the road as usual and Mom was . . . . . . . . . . . . . Mom . The Beast emerged from his bedroom in his usual surly mood . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . on the prowl to strike out at whomever he saw or decided he didn 't like at that particular moment . I was safely away , so he took up the only other prey available . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Tommy . He ended up chasing Tommy all over the house with a hammer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . screaming that he was going to kill him . Mom couldn 't stop him , so she had to call the Hatboro police department . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . they were finally able to calm the Beast down and get the situation in hand . Only thing was , that the Beast had made a very passionate threat . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . that he would kill me on sight when I returned home . Given his past history of violence . . . . . . . . . . . . . especially with me . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . it was taken very seriously . What started out as a month long visit turned out to be year . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I attended St . Lukes School in Glenside for the eighth grade . The Beast had been seen professionally by psychiatrist as teenager and had been prescribed medicine as well . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . we didn 't have enough money for medicine , food and booze . . . . . . . . . . . . . so the medicine got cut . Instead of dealing with the Beast . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . they removed me . This decision to keep me safe was offered to me as permanent in my story " Fork in the Road " . June 2006 . We were very happy , when a group of friends volunteered to help us cut up a truck load of logs that we bought for our winter heat supply . We had a family style dinner afterwards . . . . . . . . . did I mention Penny is a good cook ? A couple of days later , using Tommys ' logsplitter . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Penny and I split the sections of logs together . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I would split and she depostied the pieces in a pile that I would stack later when we were done the splitting . It was near dinner time and we were no where near done . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and it was starting to rain . We decided to finish the next day . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . we already had a mountain of cordwood to stack . It rained with heavy downpours for about three days . Charlie and his then fiance , Colleen came down for a visit and dinner during this time . My Father - in - law called to say that his sump pumps weren 't keeping up with the water . . . . . . . . . . . . . . he had two . . . . . . . one regular size and one high output pump . Charlie and I grabbed extra pumps that I had on hand for customers when things like this occurred . . . . . . . . . . . . . . we jumped in the pick - up and got on I - 81 . We got near our exit when 81 became a parking lot . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . for miles . It seems there were mudslides and nobody was going anywhere . I called Penny to let her know what was happening . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . we were stuck and she should call her dad . She then told me our car was underwater . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I said " if the cars underwater , then the basements underwater " . . . . . . . . . she said " it is " . She told me they had manged to get a few tools out of the basement before it went under and that Colleen was still down there in chest high water , looking for things to save . I told her the electric panel was under water and to get Colleen out of there immediately . . . . . . . . . . . . . whatever was down there was already lost , forget about them . Charlie asked me what happened . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I told him I just went out of business . After an hour , emergency vehicles turned all traffic back in the other direction using the exit ahead of us . When we got home we parked at the fire hall . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . it was above the running water . All you could smell was sewage and fuel oil as the waters rushed by . It was a river running around both sides of our house . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . with a flashlight , I couldn 't see Tommys ' log splitter . . . . . . . . . . . it was completely submerged . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and all that firewood . . . . . . . . . . . . completely gone . We spent the night watching news reports and listened to the bumping on the floor beneath us as our refrigerator , freezer and washing machine bounced of the floor boards under our feet . The rain stopped about mid - morning the next day and not long after the sun came out . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and it got warm . Charlie and Colleen stayed to help with the cleanup for a couple of days . A group from church came after the water went down and helped us pull everything out of the cellar and Pennys ' Gift Shop . In the story , The Amorous Skunk . . . . . . . . . . . . Penny closed down . I built her her a new shop next to our house the next summer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . it flooded too . While setting up hoses to wash the mud out of the gift shop . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I stepped on a board that had washed in from somewhere . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . it had two spikes sticking out and both went through my right foot with one of them tearing through the side of my foot when I pulled the board off . So now I 'm hobbling around and popping Aleve and cleaning up . We discarded many of our possessions at the curb as did many our neighbors . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . it was a sight I pray I never see again . Our car was towed away by the insurance company . . . . . . . . . . . . my tools were a total loss . If they had been stolen or burned in fire they would have been covered . . . . . . . . . . . but not by water . Penny and I cashed in our IRAs to pay our bills during this time . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . we had flood insurance but really is limited in what 's covered . My business phone rang off the hook . . . . . . . . . . . . . . but I couldn 't help them . . . . . . . . . I could barely help ourselves . What was I sup ' osed to do ? Let Penny clean up all that mud and mess herself ? She had just gotten through her radiation treatments six months before this happened and still had her medicine port in from chemotherapy . It was September before we had cleaned and sorted everything from the shop , house and small barn . All the power equipment was stored in the barn . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . managed to save some things . The flood set in motion my search for a job with good medical benefit 's that would cover Pennys ' health care , as she was a considered a cancer patient for five years and to rebuild our spent retirement savings . . . . . . . . . . . . Posted by Penny 's long time dream , was to have her own gift shop . She talked about what she would do and how it would be . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . it was all Greek to me . I knew nothing about the business or anything else . . . . . . . . . . been in a few to buy my wife something on occasion . It was September 2003 . I had job working for a woman who owned several properties in town . One of these was a store front on main street . Penny and I were discussing her gift shop idea not to far in the distant past . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I wondered how much the rent would be . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . how much to stock the shop . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . things like that . I asked the woman who owned the property how much it would cost me , when she was paying me for the work I completed . We struck an agreement and I paid for 6 months rent in advance and thereafter on a month to month basis . . . . . . . . . . . . . I drove home with the keys in hand . Penny was getting ready to go out , when I walked up behind her and put my hand out with the keys . She asked me what they were for . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . she had tears in her eyes when I told her . So the project began . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . painting and ordering stock . . . . . . . . . . . setting up displays . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . all done by Penny and her Dad . By mid November the shop , named " Penny For Your Thoughts " opened for business . . . . . . after many hours of work and preparation . As we live somewhat rural . . . . . . . . . . . a lot of business comes from summer residents and folks on vacation . Pennys ' shop managed to survive her first holiday season . . . . . . . . . . . . but things slowed down after . It was a Wednesday in the middle of February . Penny closed up her shop to come home and get dinner ready and then we were off to evening services at church . She asked if we could stop on the way home and pick something up at the shop that she had forgotten . No problem . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . it 's on our way . It was about 9 PM when we walked in . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . we started to gag . It seems that a skunk had taken up residence under the floor . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . a crawlspace of laid up field stone . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and sprayed . It was so thick you couldn 't breathe . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . everything not made of glass was ruined and had to be discarded . Insurance wouldn 't cover it . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . an act of God , they said . Three months later . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . the building was still uninhabitable . We brought home glass and ceramic items , that we could wash and store . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . the rest was a loss . Pennys ' broken heart could be seen and heard in her tears and sobs . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I hurt for her . February is part of the mating season for skunks . Males travel from den to den looking for receptive females . . . . . . . . . . . . if she isn 't in the mood and he persists . . . . . . . . . . he gets a face full . This wouldn 't be the end of Penny 's dream of a gift shop . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . but that 's another story . |
Savannah shares her testimony and how GOD was the center piece and foundation for her dealing with depression . As one of the guest on " Things That Make You Go SHHH " which is a discussion panel that confronts the problems that everyday people face in and out of the Church but are afraid to talk about , sponsored by Nicole Cleveland of Breathe Again Magazine and A Sisters Heart @ The Life Center in Chesapeake . In her testimony of child sexual abuse starting at the age of 5 until 27 , losing her son to a violent murder in Mexico , and losing her husband at the age of 45 , she has had much in this life span to be depressed about . But by the grace of GOD , Savannah was able survive . She has been to therapy and still takes medication to keep her physical body calm . However she strongly believes that a person must seek GOD first in order to begin any kind of healing or treatment , and GOD will provide doctors if need be , as well as prescribe medication if need be . We just have to have faith in GOD as the Great Physician and healer . I give all praises and honor to God . I have trusted in God to walk me through this journey . I am confident that God 's angels have watched over me during the difficult times in my life . This blog was created for those who have been sexual abused as a child and are in the healing process . It is a home for us to comfort one another and support each other as we face the challenges of each day . My book entitled " Daddy 's Wives " is my true life testimony on how God alone brought me out of the nightmare of sexual abuse as a child at the hands of my father . I have taken a lifelong commitment and I am dedicated to encouraging and motivating other victims of child sexual abuse that we can make it , we can become SURVIVORS ! Savannah M . My story begins on a warm , bright , and sunny day in May . What a beautiful day it is . One of those days you wake up and hear the birds singing and the rush of a cool breeze coming through the bedroom window . I can hear Jada , my granddaughter , down the hall singing and practicing her graduation march . She tells us to hurry and get dressed because she wants to be on time . My daughter Alexis and I smile at her and hurry to get dressed . Today is my granddaughter 's pre - school graduation . It is one of the biggest days in the mind of a young child , as well as for the parents and relatives of that young and innocent soul . My daughter and I are pulling into the Lakeland Elementary School parking lot . There are several people getting out of cars and walking toward the school . Jada is so happy ; she sees some of her friends and calls out to them . She asked her mom if she can go with them and her mom gives her that motherly nod of approval with a loving smile . They all look so nice and grown up with their little graduation clothes on . As we enter the auditorium , it is vibrant with people talking and hugging each other and looking for seats . You can feel the unconditional affection in this room as people gather to support the young lives of those they care so much about . We find some good seats on the third row , near the end . I look around and there are mothers , fathers , grandparents , and friends all around . The air is full of joy and filled with a festive mood . I stand and look toward the door ; I can see my granddaughter 's class appear in the doorway because they will be the first class to march . I am so excited that my heart jumps with joy . I touch my daughter directing her to take pictures of Jada standing in line . I tell Alexis , Jada is the fourth girl in line . Jada looks cute with her pretty pink dress , pink and white socks , and white shoes . Her hair is in a cute bun on top with a white flower . She is beautiful . My daughter stands up to catch the first shot of Jada with the camera . As her class marches in to the beat of " The Graduation March " , lights start flashing everywhere with people standing in their chairs with cameras and camcorders catching that great moment . Everybody is yelling and clapping proudly . As Jada is approaching the aisle , turning toward the stage , I look at her smiling face . There she is , five years old , acting so mature , looking so innocent . She is marching to the beat on time , like a college graduate . Jada passes by with her head held high . And as her classmates pass by in a single line they walk proudly too , looking like winners of an Oscar award walking the red carpet . To my surprise tears come to my eyes and begin to run down my face . I am overwhelmed by everything that 's going on around me . Then I realize something is happening . My mind and all my thoughts are not in this auditorium any more . My mind begins to play back my life when I was five and I realize I am in the past . I am now remembering back over forty - five years earlier . The tears begin to flow more , and my heart begins to ache , my throat now begins to fill with tears . I can see myself at five years old , but this little girl is crying and this little five - year - old girl is hurting . All of a sudden I feel like jumping up and running out of this auditorium . My mind is telling me to run but my feet are not moving . What am I going to do ? Just as my mind leaves , it returns . My mind takes me back to this past , and then my mind returns to the present because I can now hear the people begin to clap as the children are seated . I realize this is my granddaughter 's day . This is her graduation day . Jada had worked and practiced long and hard for this day . As I look on the stage I see her eyes searching the crowd to find her mother and her grandma . I wave and she waves back and this reassurance brings such a peaceful look over her face . The teachers prepare to pass out the awards . As each child 's name is called he stands up and walks across the stage . The cheering and clapping is loud . Each child after receiving their award turns and bows to the crowd . I am so happy for them . My granddaughter walks across the stage , up to the teacher , and reaches for her award . As she receives it , she turns to the audience and says , " Dear God , please give me the strength to hold back this awful pain and hurt I am feeling . Please Lord , not now . Let it be later when I can deal with it . " After the ceremony , my daughter and I take Jada out to dinner at a restaurant . We let her choose which restaurant . She quickly shouted she wanted to go to Captain Lobster 's & Seafood . She loves seafood , especially lobsters . She loved the lobster shells because she always wants to take them home just so her mother could end up throwing them away . At the table she goes on and on about her graduation day . It was so good to see her so happy and smiling again because in January , Jada 's grandfather had passed away . She loved him very much . She was there the morning he was having a heart attack and died at home , she was strong during this time and she said , She was my rock during this time , just a child , but so strong . Today she is full of joy and I am happy for her . She even shows the waiter her two awards she received and to our surprise they bring her a little cupcake with a candle on it , which makes her just laugh and laugh so hard . She hugs the waiter and kisses her mama and me . Then my daughter tells her she has another surprise for her . This was a trip to the movies to the new Disney picture that Jada had been so anxious to see . She asks the server for her lobster shell to take home . Then she walks around the table and says to me , Jada then turns and gives me this long hard hug , and she was right on - time . I needed to hear those words and I needed that hug . Jada and Alexis left the restaurant . As I watched them leave out the door and get into their car a strange feeling came over me that disconnected from the moment . I got up and decided to go home . I walked in the house , took off my shoes and started to undress . I suddenly stopped what I was doing and said to myself , After two hours at my computer I got up to stretch my legs and prepare a cup of coffee . Everything seemed different ; I begin to have strange feelings consume me . I felt there was this person inside of me crying to come out . So I went back to the computer and my mind began to play my past like an old movie on a black and white screen . I could see me , Savannah , a four - year - old little girl playing outdoors , jumping rope on a hot sunny day . Oh , it was such a lovely day and I was such a pretty little girl , two long ponytails , with pretty ribbons , and a cute face with a smile that went from ear to ear . I was very short with pretty fat little legs , like my momma . On this day I was dressed in a white dress that seemed to blow and move with the wind . I looked like an angel . I was so happy and carefree at this age . I loved playing with my dolls and sharing with my sister . We would make mud pies and set up play stores to sell leaves and rocks to my brothers . I loved the sunrise in the early mornings , I loved getting up with my mama and looking at the night 's sky filled with the shining stars , I loved when my mom would take us in after playing late outdoors . I loved everybody ! I loved life ! My thoughts took me back to when I was a child and we lived at 1307 Macon Street , which was my grandparents ' house . It was a big house with two stories and was painted white with green trimmings . There was a very large back porch and when you opened the door there was this large kitchen where I remember eating some of the best soul food I have ever tasted . The next room was the den with grandpa 's leather recliner sofa and big radio . Grandpa was always playing the radio with a preacher preaching or religious music . To the right of the living room was a bedroom ; straight ahead was another large bedroom that led to the front room . From the front room , there were a set of stairs that led to the four bedrooms on the second floor . There was a large screened in porch with a green swing that all the children loved to play on . Only three of us could sit in the swing at a time , but we took turns . There was this huge peach tree in the back yard , and in the summer , my grandpa would let us pick peaches from his peach tree , and we would eat until our stomachs hurt . My grandmother would sometimes make peach cobbler , which was delicious . Sometimes she would preserve them and they would end up being the best jam in town . I can almost taste that peach jam on some of grandma 's homemade hot biscuits right out of the oven . My mother , Maureen Oakes , was married to a Marine Staff Sergeant whom I saw only once in my life and never as a child . He was always gone , always out to sea for months and months . My mother told us that our father 's name was Darnell William Oakes , and she had borne him four children , my two brothers , Darnell Jr . and Greg , my sister Tracy , and me . My mother , Maureen Oakes , was the baby of her mother , Ruby Wright and Walley Wright . She was her mother 's favorite child and she always did as she pleased . As a young woman , she was very promiscuous . Because of her wild lifestyle her parents sent her to New Jersey to live with her oldest brother and his wife , hoping to change her ways . She did the same in New Jersey so her brother sent her back to Wakefield , North Carolina . It was there she met and married Darnell William Oakes . While he was out to sea , Maureen still lived the nightlife . We left my grandparents ' house and moved to this large and spacious home on Coventry Road . We had a good time living there with the wide backyard and the trees that my brothers loved to climb . In the summer the house was cool with the air conditioning and in the winter the house was nice and warm all through the house . The house was white with green shutters , a pretty white picket fence , green grass , and yellow sunflowers that grew tall . Then one day my mother traded this spacious four - bedroom house , which was in a rather affluent neighborhood , with my Aunt Doris . She traded for this small crummy old apartment over my grandparents ' garage which had only one small living room , bedroom , and a kitchen that was even smaller . It smelled old . I did not like it the first time I walked up those raggedy stairs made of rotten wood . In the middle of the front room was an old stove that burned wood and once it got hot , it would turn a bright hot red . On a rainy and stormy day it would be lightning hard outdoors . The whole house would rock on its foundation like a rocking chair . Life was not easy living over my grandparents ' garage . I did not like our new home at all . My mom kept a nice and neat house , but this was not like the other house . During the day we watched the trains on the track pull into the coal yard to load up . Every night after we got into bed we would hear the train on the tracks again pulling lots of train boxcars full of coal . Things seemed to go from good to worst . My mom 's decisions were affecting all of our lives . I remember the day my mom met her lifelong boyfriend . I remember that day very well because that meeting would change my life and end my childhood forever . It was a very hot summer morning and my mom woke all of the children up , bathed and dressed us . She dressed my brothers in their little short sets with bow ties and white shoes . My sister and I were dressed in cute dresses that had starched slips that scratched our legs as we walked with white buckled shoes . My mom put on this beautiful pink dress with a pink belt , and white high heels to show off her big legs . She always smelled good . The girls held hands and walked together and the boys did the same while my mom walked behind us . We all walked downtown which was on 17th Street . We kept walking until we came to this barbershop with a red and white pole that kept turning . My mom walked us into the shop and told us to sit together and be quiet . There were two men in this barbershop and they were cutting men 's hair . They had three barber chairs , a real shiny floor , and a big fan over our head that was turning slowly . There were clipper 's hanging on the side of the desk where they were working . All three chairs had bottles of green colored water on each desk . Mirrors were everywhere . My mom stood up . As she was looking out of the door , she saw one of her friends , Ms . Veronica come by . She told us to stay and she went out the door and talked to her . As she was walking slowly out the door , she was twisting her hips and I saw the barber in the first chair watching her every move . Even as she stood outside with her hand on her hip talking to the woman , he continued to watch her . When the barber finished his customer , he went to the sink , washed his hands , and then went outside . My mom , her friend , and he stood outside talking and laughing . My mom and the man came back into the shop , and he cut my brother Darnell 's hair , first . Then he cut my Brother Greg 's hair as my mother stood by the barber and watched . My mom and this man were talking and smiling at one another . Then he brushed my brother 's hair , removed the apron , and my brother jumped out of the chair . My mom got a piece of paper from him and wrote something down . My mom came over to us and introduced him . The man made it clear that he was not just a barber , but he owned this barbershop business , pieces of real estate property , and someday he would be a millionaire . This man was very light skinned with a shiny gold tooth on the right and green eyes that scared me the first time I saw them . My mom appeared to be impressed with this man . He introduced himself as Luther Cornell Yates , Jr . He was a farmer boy who worked his Daddy 's fields . He quit school at an early age to help his father on the farm . Life on the farm was very poor . When he finished working the fields in the day , his evenings were filled with customers whose hair he cut . He said he learned to cut hair on an old stump in the back yard and he claimed people would come from miles around and wait all day just to get a haircut by this gifted boy . Luther wanted to be more than a struggling farmer ; he wanted to be rich and well known . At the age of 18 , he left the farm in Macon with only ten cents in his pocket , as the story was told , and moved to the city . My mom said it was time to go because she had some things to do . Mister Yates gave all of us a dollar before we left . We walked down 17th Street until we came to the 5 & 10 - cent store called Woolworth 's , where we bought toys . The girls bought a jump rope and bobby jacks , the boys got a bag of marbles and a small ball . On the way to the next store there was a photographer who was taking pictures . My mom told him she wanted him to take our picture . He sat all four of us on this bench with my brothers on the left and my sister and I on the right . He told us to smile and he took our picture . We left him and went to the ice cream parlor and had an ice cream cone . After that my mom called a cab to take us back home . That evening she was smiling and singing while she was preparing dinner . After feeding us and getting us ready for bed , she started to dress . I sat in the corner of the front room and just watched her as she prepared herself for this date . She was a pretty lady . Her skin was a pecan brown and very smooth . I always loved to watch her as she put on her stockings . First , she would roll them down in her hands then hold out one leg and pull them up until she reached the garter . Then she would put out the other leg and do the same . The stockings would look so nice on her big legs . When I would rub up against them they were silky and soft . Her hair was long and black . She would always wear her hair in an upsweep position . My mother looked good in every thing she put on . Once she finished dressing , she stood in front of the mirror and turned all around so she could see how nice she was looking . Soon there was a knock on the door , it was my Uncle Max . He had come over to babysit us so my mom could go out on her date . She told us all to go to bed and I heard her rushing out the door . I looked around the corner of the room as she reached back into the door to grab her purse . I tiptoed out the room and went into the front room and looked out the window . I saw a big , shiny , blue car parked in the driveway . This man got out and opened the car door for her and he was smiling . Then I saw the gold tooth just shining and I knew who he was . It was the man from the barbershop , who had cut my brothers ' hair earlier that day . It was the barber , Mister Luther Cornell Yates Jr . I could then hear my Uncle Max coming up the stairs , and I quickly ran back and jumped in the bed . After that night , my mom went out a lot and my uncle kept us night after night . Sometimes my mom would not return home until the next day . She started bringing in lots of bags and in those bags were new expensive clothes she would put on to go on her dates . He even bought her jewelry and good smelling perfumes . This went on forever to me because my mom did not have time in the evenings to be with us . In the morning she was always on the phone with him making plans to be with him that evening , and so we were left another night without her there with us . Shortly after those nights out , I recall my mom started getting sick . She was throwing up all the time . She would be so sick that she would lie down on the bed for most of the day . Then her stomach started to grow larger and she began to gain weight . The light - skinned barber started coming up the stairs and in the house . One day when we came home from school , my mom was not there . My grandma told us she had gone to the hospital to have a baby and she was going to keep us until my mom returned home . She had given birth to a little girl and named her Heather Annette Oakes . In about three days she came home with this baby wrapped in a beautiful pink blanket . Even though this was Luther 's baby , her last name was Oakes like our last name because my mother was still married to my father , Darnell W . Oakes . She used his Marine medical benefits for the doctor and hospital expenses for having the baby . In reality , Heather was my mother 's and Luther Cornell Yates Jr . 's , the barber , first child together . That evening when my mom bought the baby home , I walked over to the baby 's crib which was in the living room . I pulled the blanket back and I saw a little light baby who was crying . She looked like the barber that my mom was dating , almost white . When I turned around he was standing there with those scary green eyes reaching out to hold me . I started twisting and turning my body to get from his grip . He had this real sneaky laugh that I can hear in my head even now . Then he said , I took one look and ran out of the room . Since the baby was born he was always there at the house . One day he bought his brother Gordon over to see his baby . I recall Gordon asking Luther the barber , I later realized my mother knew the barber was married with children . Luther Cornell Yates , Jr . was married to Joann Reid Yates whom he married September 1 , 1944 . To this union were six children . Joann knew that L . C . ( this is what he wanted people to call him , short for Luther Cornell ) was seeing a woman in Wakefield . My mom had met L . C . before the barbershop meeting . I was told ; she met him at a nightclub , where he played in a band . She accepted the fact that she was his mistress . Before she started seeing this barber , my mother had lots of time for us . She would play with us , take us to the movies , and treat us to popcorn and ice cream . But now , from the time she got up in the morning until the time we went to bed , she would be preparing to leave us every chance she could , which was often . The house was always cold , and we did not appear to have a lot of money . However we had each other . My brothers , my sisters , and I were very close then . That summer of 1956 , my mother took us around the corner from my grandparents ' house to pull up weeds and clean up this yard . I remember that there was so much debris and wild roots to pull up , it seemed like we would never finish . L . C . would come out where we were working and tell us this is where he was going to build a house for our mother and us all to live . He said our new house would have three bedrooms , a large kitchen , a bathroom , a living room , and a porch . I was so happy because it sounded like the house we had moved from before we moved in the apartment over my grandparents ' garage . Now my brothers will not have to hide under the steps until their school friends left so they could come up the stairs . He called us all together and told us he was our Daddy and we were to call him " Daddy " . He even told my mama , to call him Daddy , too , and she did . Within the next few weeks , Daddy started construction on the lot to build us a house as he had promised . My mom would have us up late at night while she was painting and cleaning . We all would fall asleep in the house because she would be working so late getting the house ready . Within six months the house was completed . We moved in , and it was a nice house . I remember you came in the back door and you walked into the kitchen . The next room was like the dining room , and then there was the living room which led to the front porch . To get to the bedrooms you had to come in the dining room and facing that room was Mama 's bedroom . Then , to the left down the hall was the girls ' room with the baby 's crib and to the right of her room was the boys ' room . After the house was completed , Daddy began to come by the house every night . When he closed the barbershop at night he would come to our house and stay until late . He never slept at the house ; he would be gone in the morning . I was only five years old at this time but I felt a major change had taken place in my life . Now Daddy had become the " King of the castle . " That 's how Mama addressed him sometimes . The first thing I remember let me know he was taking over was when he started eating at the house . One of the first rules he implemented and mama made sure we followed it to the letter was ; we children were not allowed to eat until Daddy had finished eating . We all had to come in and sit down and watch Daddy eat , and then when he was finished , we could eat . My mother had begun to place him as number one . Also , when he came in we were told to do whatever he wanted . Our job was to serve him without question . It was obvious my mother had fallen deeply in love with this man . Another one of Daddy 's rules was that he wanted all the girls to greet him " properly " with a kiss , not on the cheeks , but directly in the mouth . This was to be done when we entered into the room for the first time or when we left the premises . As a five - year - old little girl , I did not want to kiss any man , especially in the mouth . I hated kissing him like that and having to greet this man called Daddy this way , but my mother insisted and I had no choice . When I would hear him coming into the house in the morning , I would run and hide but my mama would call my name and make me come and kiss him . I made it abundantly clear through my body language that I did not want to kiss him . I would start to cry and after I kissed him , she would send me to my room . When Daddy left for the barbershop , Mama would argue and fuss and sometimes even beat me for my behavior . So I learned early on that if I did not want any beatings , I had to obey . |
To be honest , I fancied his brother more . Not the younger one , obviously . I was still sort of dating another guy , Harry , when Jos came along and made quite a hard play for me , in his soft and gentle kind of way . And I thought he was nice enough , but he 's not going to set the world on fire any time soon . We were at university , Oxford Brookes ( yes , the " other " one ) , I was finishing off my PhD , and he was finishing off his diploma in social work . Harry was a high flyer in political science . His mind turned me on , but not enough else . And my mind turned elsewhere , although I didn 't finish with him . There was something about Jos that was appealing from the start , and yet an alarm bell went off in my head " do you really want an appealing guy ? " But he kept up his courtship , delicately , politely , with coffee here , and the occasional lunch , and nothing taken too far . I almost wished he 'd take things too far , just to see if I 'd give in to him . No one wants to marry a nice guy . Well , not if he 's just a nice guy . And then he said " come to dinner at my family 's place this Friday - we 're having a full house , and everyone can bring a friend " . So , I asked about the where and the when and the how , and he said he 'd drive me there , and not drink , and drive me back , and I said yes . I 'd never heard of this little village - apparently it was where he grew up . Not far out of town , but if you come to university in Oxford , you don 't notice the outlying villages , and I couldn 't afford to keep a car back then , so I didn 't get around . Jos did have a car , and a tiny little house , all of his own , as far as I could tell - no housemates , and he never mentioned a landlord . I assumed his family was well off . He said it was " totally casual " when I asked him how to dress . I don 't know why I bothered , because I wouldn 't have believed any man whatever he said . So , it was the little black party frock . I didn 't have pearls , but I had a necklace of dark green gemstones - wish they were emeralds ! - from a trip to Peru a couple of years before , that looked the part , and , as the autumn was getting cooler , I found a pashmina in a charity shop . I 've never been so good at shoes , so the daywear flats would have to do - pity , in a way , as Jos was so much taller than me , but then if I was going as his date , and I wasn 't yet quite sure that I was , then at least it would make him look good . He did generally look good . He wasn 't film star , exactly , but very easy on the eye , and tall , and rangy - very long arms , which in daydream moments I sometimes imagined round me . Sometimes . He called by at precisely the time he said , and I was ready at precisely the time , although I took my time , as you do . He came to the door , rather than tooting from the car , and waited until I 'd gathered my things . " You look fantastic " he said . " Flatterer " , I replied . I 'd have responded in kind , but I could only discern that for once he 'd tried to iron his shirt . Maybe he really did mean " casual " . So then I started to worry t " Oh , just my parents , my grandad will probably be there , my sister if she 's home in time from America , and my big brother - he 's an academic at Cambridge , some sort of junior professor . My little brother 's at acting school in London and actually has a job at the moment , which is amazing everyone , especially him , so he can 't be there . Oh , and Aunt Lucy , and Colin - she 's not a real aunt , but she 's been like one all our lives , and Colin 's her husband , he 's a farmer " . The car was very comfortable , but certainly not a show - off car , and we sped out of town to the little village of Shelford without obviously breaking any speed limits . I notice these things . My father was a GP , and he said that traffic accidents were what had put him off working in hospitals when he was a registrar , years before . The roads got smaller and then there was a little village , with a little church , just like thousands of others all over the country , and then we turned sharply up a small , heavily - treed lane . I was pretty sure it wasn 't any longer a public road , when a house , or rather , the walls of its courtyard , loomed into view . " This is it " , said Jos , with a hint of apology . " It 's a mansion ! " " Oh no , nothing like , it 's not as big as it looks " It looked pretty big to me . We were parking in a courtyard bordered on one side by the wall whose tall open gates we had driven through , on two others by wings with what looked like garages on the ground floor , and bedrooms on the first , and on the other , by a grand portico and high double front doors , and on the top by another storey , with huge windows , and above that , a great glass dome . " They get by " , huh ? I thought to myself . As we got out of the car , the tall doors opened , and at first there was a flurry of madly barking dogs , and then a man of probably no more than average height , but heightened by the enormous parrot on his shoulder . I really did think Jos could have warned me . Not just about the parrot , but because I recognised him straightaway - he was a television presenter , who did a series of interviews about funerals and death , which I found sometimes cheesy , but often perceptive , the guy was a bit of a hero . And I was assuming he must be some sort of relation . " My stranger son ! " said the parrot man , flinging wide his arms to Jos , and they hugged , with a warmth his bearing didn 't initially suggest , " and , this must be Amanda ? " he said extending a hand . It was only then that I noticed that the other hand was leaning on a walking stick . " I 'm Matthew - Jos 's father - I 'm sure he 's told you nothing about us , because he 's quite ashamed of us - and this is Percy , who is Son No . 1 , and he likes girls and gay men , but rarely bites Jos for some reason " . I said hello to the parrot , who made a noise like a purring cat . " Come in , come in , there 's drinks to be had , and people to say hello to - your Grandad 's here , Jos , and I 'm sure he 'd love to meet Amanda - and [ to me ] while we sort that , what would you like to drink ? " I dithered . This one can be a bit of a test . He offered " We 've Champagne , or wine of whatever colour , or a G & T , or anything soft and innocent , really , whatever you fancy " . I went for the Champagne , and he led us , limping slightly , into the house , and the hall , underneath that dazzling dome . The light was fading , but it was a quite brilliant space . A small girl hurtled out and threw herself , shouting " Uncle Jos ! " at my probably - boyfriend , and he picked her up , and we all walked on . Then it was through the kitchen , where my host peeled off to get my drink , and into the conservatory to be introduced to Jos 's grandfather . He turned out to be a charming old man , who , despite being well into his 90s , leapt out of his chair to shake my hand . I was warned by a whisper that he was a little deaf , so I spoke firmly , and after a few niceties he started asking questions about my doctorate . It was obvious that he was not a formally educated man , but he was interested in the techniques of my research , and asked penetrating questions about bias which I wasn 't expecting . " And what are you going to do with all this learning ? " " I 'm going to try to turn it into public policy to make people 's lives better who don ' And then Jos 's brother arrived . He was much smaller than Jos - not just shorter , but on a smaller scale , although I later learnt they were blood brothers - and he was very dapper , very stylish , very charming , and very attractive . His opening line in the conservatory was " " Grandad , I see you have monopolised the prettiest girl in the room , as usual " , and his grandfather scowled , and he said " Hi , I 'm Raf , I understand you 've come with Jos , and we 're all very grateful that you 've taken pity on him " . Now , that could have been really rude , to the point of nasty , but somehow it wasn 't , it was said with a twinkle , and knowing that Jos was listening , and Jos bantered back , and I realised it was what they did . But the twinkle in his eye was something that Raf did more often than at family gatherings . He really was very cute . I 'd be a liar if I said I didn 't notice Jos scowling . And also if I said I didn 't rather like it . Before I could ponder these deep things - although I think perhaps they were really rather shallow things on my part - there was more commotion , and other honoured guests arrived - Aunt Lucy and Colin ( he was never " uncle " Colin , I noticed ) - and they had been collected by car because Colin had only just come out of hospital for cancer treatment . They , and their driver , came into the kitchen . " Oh " , said Jos , introducing him , " this is my other father " . " Other father " ? Well , that 's a nice surprise ! We don 't get a lot of that in Norfolk . Yes , I 'd been to two universities by now , and blah , blah , but a guy doesn 't tell you he has two dads ? What would Nancy Mitford say ? Or Emily Post ? But he was very nice . I was only briefly introduced in the midst of Colin being - much to his own annoyance - found a seat . Jos 's grandad moved to the sofa , and said " come and sit here , it 's not too low - I should know , I have to get up from it ! " He must have been twenty years older than Colin at least , and far more sprightly . And I thought , what a nice man . They sat there , declining Champagne for beer , until dinner was ready . The dinner table was long , and there were strategic points on it . Matthew , our host , took the head . His father , out of deference for age , I suppose , took the other end , and Ze , Matthew 's husband , the " other father " was in the middle . I was at his Matthew 's right and Jos was to mine , opposite Ze , and Raf was next to him . Raf charmed , by word , and gesture , throughout the meal . Later , he became quite tactile , in a way which would have made me shrink from , or even slap , almost any other man . Whatever " it " was , he had it . I was very taken . And Jos was very pissed off . We headed home at 11 . I had enjoyed all their company - his sister Marie had arrived a little late , and from America , but full of amusing tales about airports and customs - and had also sat with Aunt Lucy and Colin , who both seemed incredibly with it , given how ill Colin clearly was . And Aunt Lucy did also seem rather grand - not in a showing - off way , just , in a being - born - like - that way . But Jos had had enough of being sober , I think , and had enough of his brother flirting with me . As we closed the car doors in the courtyard , and set off for home , I wondered if we were closing the doors on something else entirely . And one thing led to another , and the next morning , after he 'd gone back to his place , I telephoned Harry and told him it was off . " What , for that loser ? " I told Harry I wasn 't interested in his opinions , now , or ever . Now , according to my personal moral code , these things were done in the wrong order , but I plead that it wasn 't a real boyfriend - girlfriend thing with Harry . And I 'd not met his parents . However many fathers and mothers he might have happened to have . And then I called Jos , and he thought it would be a very urgent thing to have lunch together somewhere within walking distance , so he didn 't have to drive . " Are you trying to get me drunk ? " " I think you can do that perfectly well for yourself ; I just want to relax a little after the trauma I went through last night " . " No ! I didn 't mean that . God , no , you were great . I just meant having to watching my tarty squirt of a brother oiling all over you , all evening " . He pressed his suit , if that 's the expression , vigorously after that , and before long we were talking about what sort of person we would marry , and every time he described someone very like me , and still I wavered about him . Did I really want to marry a man who was so relaxed about life , who 'd allow me to have my own career , at the expense of his own ? Or a man who didn 't really have a clue about a career of his own ? It wasn 't the blueprint , the dream . And I 'll admit I thought sometimes about his father 's money , and how that could only help . I had my Jane Austen moments . What clinched it was when Raf brought his third daughter to Shelford to be Christened by her grandfather . Jos was godfather - again - and he held her in his arms by the font before handing her to his father to do the magic stuff . I looked at his hands - and his father 's , he was adopted , it can 't have been genetic , but it was something they had in common , and I 'd seen it before when they were with children , or the menagerie of animals in that crazy house - the way they were strong , but so gentle , and I wanted to see him holding my baby one day . One day soon . It 's not a very feminist vision , is it ? He proposed just into the New Year , in a small Chinese restaurant which we hoped was too expensive to bump into fellow students . He did the whole down - on - one - knee thing , and gave me a ring , and when I said yes , and we kissed , we realised that all the other diners had fallen silent , because now they burst into applause . Jos was quite a big guy , and it wasn 't a very big restaurant . He was hard to miss . It was a sapphire . An enormous sapphire , surrounded by little diamonds . " You said how much you loved the sea , and the sea is blue , so … " he said . The next day we went to tell my parents in Norwich . They seemed unkeen to disrupt their Saturday for whatever dubious news I was bringing , but they agreed to see us after lunch - it 's a long drive from Oxford - and they were rather shocked . Shocked too that Jos was the son o " Jos , is this true ? " " Take the ring off , and read the inscription " , he replied . There it was , carved in the platinum , the truth - our names , and yesterday 's date . I haven 't taken it off since . He 'd been engaged once before . He said it was the only time he 'd really fallen out with his fathers . She was called Rachel , and they didn 't like her . They formed the opinion that she was a gold - digger , and Ze actually told Jos so . But he insisted , and it came to wedding plans , and she brought a great sheaf of ideas to the kitchen table one night . But Matthew said he didn 't hold with big weddings , such a waste of money for things that rarely lasted longer a lightbulb , and she got shirty about how rich he was ( which I know will have embarrassed Jos deeply ) , and then he compromised . " I 'll give you treble what we spent - or rather , our kind friends spent , because at the time we had nothing - on our own wedding " . The silly cow thought that was marvellous . " That 's £ 9 , 000 , and you can spend it precisely as you wish " . Rachel screamed " that won 't even buy the fucking dresses " , stormed out into the hall , threw Jos 's ring at him , and demanded to be driven home . He and his fathers told me this story together , over dinner that night , and as it ended , Matthew said " and when Jos had got his coat and car keys , that ring was nowhere to be seen … . But I agree with the old saying that if you lend a friend twenty quid , and never see him again , call it money well spent " . " Enough now , Daddy , that 's the past , we 're doing the future " . Of course , the Old Man took the wedding service . There 's a business with hands which I 'd never seen before , because if you 're in the cheap seats at a wedding , you can 't . The priest takes the bride 's hand from her father , and gives it to the groom . He said we didn 't need to do that , it was primitive , and redolent of all sorts of ideas of the ownership of women and so on , but you could see it as a bold commitment to something new , no longer holding hands with the people whose hands we 've held before , but now a new unit , with one another . And I rather liked that , and I knew my father would , so we did it . Equally " of course " , the reception was at First and Last . Jos had warned me the village would turn out - he 'd been to primary school with all of them - and so they did , shouting , cheering , and throwing confetti , as we walked the fifteen minutes back from the church to the house , and the party began . I suspect the whole thing cost rather more than £ 9 , 000 . My parents - well , mainly my father - had wanted to chip in , but offered his contribution rather gingerly to such a very much richer man . He 'd have blanched to see the crowd that followed us from the church invited in for Champagne and canapes , if he 'd been paying ! But Matthew had said " why don 't you give them something towards a honeymoon they 'll never forget ? " , and they did , and we did - to the Far East , for three whole marvellous weeks . And then I was a married woman - and a Dr , and I had a good job . I admit , I hummed and ha 'd about taking Jos 's name , but I reasoned it could do me no harm . My father - in - law was interested in welfare of various kinds , and I wanted to target social work to various essential needs , and it turned out indeed to be an asset to be linked to the man who 'd got the drug laws changed , and campaigned against poverty and inadequate housing . They liked me , I was thriving in the role , and they told me I was going places . But I wanted children . Now , or later ? We discussed it , but the decider was that Jos really wasn 't enjoying being a social worker . He liked the people , although sometimes he was a bit too moved to tears by his punters , but he was rubbish at the paperwork . I reasoned that having a baby would , after I 'd done my bit , give him something really vital to do . And he agreed . And that is how Joseph Derek Chapman da Silva came into the world . Ever since , he 's been known as " JD " but he was named after Ze ( short for Jose , in Brasilian ) , who was dying , and my own father , who wasn 't . And he was followed by Zachary , Isabella , and Harriet , in pretty quick succession . They were all named after no one - we just liked their names . But we warmed very soon to JD too . I 'm running ahead of my story , because only JD was born before the Year of Disasters , well , just at its outset - in January . In May , Marie ( Jos 's sister ) and Justin ( Matthew 's researcher ) married . In June , Ze died . In August , Grandad Chapman died , at 98 . And in October , already in the depths of a deep and dark melancholy , Matthew had a severe stroke . First and Last became a very solemn place , and my heart went out to little Ingrid , the grand - daughter , who had lived there all the life she could remember ( she was six ) . I 'd liked her from the outset , she was an eccentric , interesting child , with wild tales - not lies , just marvellous stories - and I knew she got some of it from her " Grumpy " as he delighted to be called . And now he was halt and lame . Before my other father - in - law died , they had made over the whole farm to us - none of the others wanted it - and there was an understanding that we 'd moved into the Dower House ( which had been built for the grandparents ) when eventually time took its toll . We hadn 't expected the bells to clang so loudly that year , as one after another , the fatal moment seemed to come closer when I might have to live in First and Last . But Grumpy recovered . And very well . It was an unusual recovery , and mainly badgered by his little grand - daughter , and Aunt Lucy , who despite her own cares with her husband , got up at 5 and crossed the fields to get Grumpy back into his old regime . His speech had only been partially impaired , but with a lot of practice - and there were plenty of children now to help him with that - it returned . His left side , especially the leg , never seemed quite the same again , but he 'd had hip trouble for years , so And we were in the Dower House . Well , it needed redecorating . Jos 's grandparents were tasteful people , but their taste wasn 't mine , and if I had to live in other people 's houses ( which is how it felt , even though on paper Jos and I owned the whole plot ) then I wanted to stamp my mark on it . I sent off for designs and brochures and this and that , and presented Jos with my scheme . " What do you reckon it would cost ? " " About £ 8 , 000 " . " I can fund that " . The funny thing about Jos is that although he wasn 't a saver , he wasn 't a spender either , and he ended up with lots of money from his " stipend " from the Family Fund just sitting there in a bank account . Ripe for me to use . So , with it , I made the Dower House our own , and we peopled it with our four children , who grew up two garden paths away from First and Last , and their Grumpy , and their fascinating Cousin Ingrid . All the time I knew one day we 'd be moving to First and Last . Something grated about this . I had chosen Jos , not his family , and certainly not his bloody house . I concede that architecturally it has merit , although I don 't personally like it , but that isn 't the point . It wasn 't our choice . It wasn 't MY choice . And so , having done the sums after getting a promotion which meant commuting to London most days , I said to Jos , " I want us to buy a house together in London " " No , just as a pied - a - terre , a place to stay , all of our own , when we want or need to . Some days are hard , you know , finishing in London at 7 , home at 9 , up for the 6 a . m . train . " He went very quiet . " NO ! You big chump ! I just need somewhere that 's really ours , our own , for us and the children - not right now , but in the future - where we write all the history on the walls for ourselves - does that make any sense ? " He sort of got it , but only sort of , and he came with me on leaden legs house - hunting in West London . But I 'm glad he did , because the time he 'd spent on that farm , and with Joe the gardener , and Giles the Bird Man , and paying attention to practicalities , had given him a good eye for quality - and for trouble . We settled on a four - bedroomed place in Ealing . Mortgages were eye - watering , but we chipped in Jos 's house in Oxford , and Michael , who was by now married to Jos 's brother Tommy , and a trustee , arranged a loan through the Family Fund . It was hinted that we could have had the money outright , but I wouldn 't agree to that . I wanted this house to be mine . And then the Old Man died . It was rather unexpected . He was 84 , so you 're not thinking they will go on for ever , but he seemed pretty sturdy to us . It was a Friday . The night before , he 'd come back from London after making a speech in the House of Lords , written his weekly thing for the American media , and then the next morning was up with the lark , feeding the livestock and preparing the lasagne that was to be his Last Supper . He 'd said something terribly clever or wise in the Lords that was still making him feel chuffed at dinner that night . And we all piled in - Jos and me , and our four , and Marie and Justin and their two , and of course Ingrid lived there . Then Aunt Lucy arrived . No Raf . He sometimes made it for family Fridays , but if he didn 't , Pam ( Wife No . 4 ) and the Boy Wonder ( 7th child , 1st son ) stayed away . No one really missed them , I 'm sorry to say . There was a sleepover in the Playroom later , but before that , there were going to be films in the Dungeon ( the silly name Matthew and Ze used for a sound - proofed cinema in their cellar ) so the children were only rather briefly around for dinner , although Jos kept making them popcorn . Upstairs , we grown - ups amused ourselves and one another . Although only fifteen , there was no question that Ingrid was amongst the grown - ups . Unusually for me , I had a Saturday meeting in London , something that couldn 't be fitted in at any other time , so I didn 't want a late night , and although my papers were prepared , and I knew that perfectly well , I found myself wanting to go home and fret over them . I absented myself , and Marie , who also had work to do - money beckoned every hour of every day for that woman - took the chance to leave too , she by the front door , and I by through the conservatory and down the path to the Dower House . There , it was blissfully quiet . Out of mere habit I switched the radio on as I went to my desk , then switched it straight off again . The papers were all there , in order , I needed only to transfer them to my suitcase and I was all set for the morning . I sat in an armchair in the quiet , and the dark , and dozed off . First and Last has a ship 's bell at its front door - visitors literally waggle the clapper and it makes a ferocious sound . That was too over - the - top for me , and electrical doorbells all seem to make a noise which is either camp , or vulgar , or both , so we had a heavy old brass door knocker . And that 's what woke me , after perhaps an hour . It was Michael . " We 've just found Matthew - we 've called an ambulance , but I think it 's too late and they 're all panicking , and it would really help if … " I pulled the door shut behind me , and followed him up the path . " It looks like another stroke , to me , Ingrid found him , she said she knew something was wrong because his glass was on the floor , tipped over " . He was dead , all right . They don 't teach you how to identify a corpse in First Aid courses , but I knew a little about life signs , and he didn 't have any . Amazingly , they 'd managed to rouse the village doctor , who arrived just after me , and told them to cancel the ambulance , unless they wanted it to take the body away . Their response was stunned silence . I broke it : " I don 't think my father - in - law 's family would want him taken away from his house " , and they murmured their assent . The doctor said " well , maybe you 'd like to move him to his own bed ? And I 'm afraid you 'd best call the undertakers . I 'm so sorry for you all . " Looking at the spilled gin glass he added , " that man has been ignoring my advice for nearly twenty years , I can 't tell you how much I have admired him " . So , the men carried him into the bedroom , and laid him on the bed . Aunt Lucy shooed them out , saying " I 'll undress him and put him into bed , I did it when he was ill , he wouldn 't want you to " , and closed the door . We were all in a state of shock , but Michael said , " it 's too much to take in just now , but there really are things to do which won 't wait , people to inform , a press statement to issue , arrangements to be made . So , Jos , why don 't you keep an eye on the kids , Justin , draw up a checklist of all the people who need to be informed , Tommy , go and get everyone a drink , Ingrid , maybe you 'd help him ? , and Amanda and I will start the telephoning " . It was after 11 . The next three hours were gruelling . Of course , the kids got wind of what was going on , so , after a brief parental conference , Jos agreed to be the one to tell them . After a few minutes , I walked up the stairs to the Playroom after him , not all the way , but it was open plan , so I could see him there on the sofa , his great big arms around all six children . And I ran back down the stairs into a bathroom and wept . For grief , for love ? Don 't ask me why ; I don 't know . It 's an incredibly complicated business when someone dies . I remember Matthew saying that all the fuss and farradiddle is given to us by God to distract us from the blow of grief . Maybe he was right . I don 't think any of us quite felt it , that night . Michael called Debs , the PA , to come over and help , which was a godsend , and press releases were sent , his American editor was informed , just in time for his " Letter to America " to include a brief note that the author was dead , messages were left with the local vicar , and the cathedral , about possible funeral venues , and of course , a cavalcade of family and friends too . The undertakers arrived , and his sister ( who lived in the village ) , and Lucy 's step - daughter , Kezzy , and eventually , Raf . Jos had insisted on being the one to tell him , when the message to call eventually got through . When he got there , the two brothers clung at each other and howled into each other 's shoulders . Then , just before 2 in the morning , Michael got a message from the vicar saying that he would be happy to call by and say prayers . Neither of us were churchy , but Tommy was , and Ingrid dipped in and out of religion , and we decided it might allow everyone to go to sleep at last . So that 's what we did - trooped into the Old Man 's bedroom and listened as the vicar said prayers over his corpse and threw holy water around . I knew Matthew loved holy water - he always took it with him on school visits , to splosh the children , and make them squeal with delight . And we let our children in , too , small though they were . It was a very long time before I asked JD what he 'd made of it . " It was sad , but rather exciting , and grown - up , to be involved " . So maybe we got that right . Thus began a new chapter in all our lives , with the old patriarch dead , and another game of musical houses . I was very glad of my - our - house in Ealing to escape to . He died in November , and we moved into First and Last in February , on our engagement anniversary . I 'd been hesitant to the point of reluThere was a lot about First and Last that I had to change , to make it my own . I stepped very gingerly around Ingrid as I did so , but she was content , she had her own room , and I agreed not to change the library ( which was really an office ) nor the Dacha ( the summerhouse where Matthew did much of his writing , and now Ingrid did hers , and her painting and drawing ) . I stepped rather more heavily on the housekeeper , who resigned . Ostensibly , she 'd become forgetful , and sometimes confused , about the laundry and ironing , and the cooking she helped with , although Jos did most of it . But really , it irked me the way she " mothered " Jos in his grief . She 'd worked there over thirty years , known my husband all his life , which I hadn 't . And I resented it . She didn 't pull rank , exactly , but she pulled experience , the history written in the walls . And she had to go . I feel bad that she was diagnosed with dementia some months later . The change of routine can 't have helped . But I 'm not a charity . Her husband remained our gardener , and did stirling work , and sometimes seemed to need a place to escape , which was beyond the escapism of work . Our children grew up , and grew away , and sometimes came back . They sometimes surprised us , but more often they did new things that made us think they were just the people they 'd been since tiny . Before Jos died , two of them were married . The other two seemed fairly settled . JD thought marriage bourgeois , Isabella thought it demeaning for a lesbian ( that was a little surprise , but in the end , it did make sense ) . Zack had become an avian vet - he 'd helped his father a lot on " the parrot farm " , and with the other clacking , clucking , squawking , feathered monsters at First and Last , and decided to make a career of it . He married a woman who was a nurse in his practice - it was history repeating , my father was a hospital registrar and my mother a nurse when they married ! - and they had a son they called John . John Percy . His middle name was after a parrot . Deep breath . But the boy is lovely , and so are they . Harriet surprised us all by becoming a vicar . They say she 's very good at it . She 's also got a husband who 's a vicar ( but not quite as good at it , so she calls the shots ) , and two delightful children , but their house is a bit churchy for me . Isabella , and Emma , who is several years older , but it 's Bella who 's the bossy one , live in Canary Wharf , and change jobs every few years , accumulating money along the way - her Auntie Marie taught her how to work the city , and that 's what she does . They have the most fantastic holidays . JD wanted to be a pop star , which he could have been , but the door didn 't push open at the right time , and someone noticed how clever he was at computerising music . So now he 's in Los Angeles . He has three children , two by his first long - term girlfriend , and the third by the girlfriend her left her for . They 've all done all right . Yes , Jos died . I was in London , at a meeting , and the telephone kept ringing and ringing , on the buzz setting , and I was angry with it . I will never interrupt a meeting for the telephone . Then a messenger came in with a note . From Tommy . " VERY URGENT PLEASE CALL NOW " . He - or more likely Michael - had tracked down the office I was in . So , I did . They were already driving to London to collect me . I asked the deputy - chair to take over " I 've got some quite important family stuff to deal with " . Yes , I had . My husband was dead . We were 60 , and ostensibly in good health . Jos used to whine that he wasn 't as fit as he 'd been thirty years before , but that seemed to me a fairly irrational complaint . Never , ever , did anyone suggest , did he hint , there was anything wrong with his heart . His heart ! Of all things ! How could there be anything wrong with something so perfect ? But I 'm being sentimental , hearts must beat and pump and pulse , and do stuff , and his stopped that day . He was working on his own on an aviary roof , and either fell off a ladder and had a heart - attack , or more likely had a heart - attack , and then fell off . Giles the Bird Man found him , did what he could , called an ambulance , called Tommy , but there was nothing anyone could do . Tommy made the decision to let the ambulance take him to hospital - there would have to be a post mortem and an inquest , so it made sense for the body to be there . That 's where we headed , when they collected me . Of course I did all the stuff of grief - I 've read the theory - the denial , and anger , and so on . I 've never reached " acceptance " . Our life was going so well . The children were more or less OK , we had time to ourselves , I even lured him to London for cultural nights out and naughty nights in . He loved the farm , but he could sit light enough to it to get away . And as he sat lighter , so it became less oppressive to me . First and Last had become a very comfortable house to be in . But not now . Now it spoke only of the man I had lost . Our married life had begun somewhere quite different . We had raised our children in the Dower House . True , we had become grandparents , and celebrated 25 and then 30 , and then 35 , years together in First and Last , but somehow it still wasn 't mine - although legally it was now entirely , and solely , mine . I resolved to sell it . I told Michael . Of course , it made a problem for him and Tommy , as they were tenants on the farm . " Can 't the Family Fund just take it back ? I don 't need any money , I just need not to be here " . And Michael said he 'd think it through . But it was Ingrid who thought it through . Things had changed radically for her , since Grumpy had died . She 'd grown up , gone away to Art College , and begun to make a bit of a name for herself as an artist , and also as a poet . Grumpy would have been very pleased with that . Less so with her disastrous marriage to one of her lecturers . Ghastly man , I couldn 't stand him . She 'd divorced him just before Jos died , and just before she herself turned thirty , which meant she inherited her own mother 's fortune - the mother she met only once after Raf took her away as a babe in arms . It was a very big fortune indeed , and she divorced her husband at 29 so as not to have to share it with him at 30 . And , cannily , for a dippy artist and poet , she 'd never let on that there were any millions in the picture apart from Grumpy 's - on which there were thirteen claims in the grandchildren sector alone . So , Ingrid had money now . " I 'll buy it " . " No , you can have it , it 's your home , it always has been - if he 'd lived longer , that 's how it would have worked " . " But he didn 't , and he made a good plan for me to be looked after by you and Uncle Jos , and I think it is right that I should buy the place , because I like it , and you don 't , and make it open to everyone in the family who ever wants to stay here " . We agreed to think about it , and whilst we did , she sent in the speculators , and they valued it at £ 7 , 900 , 000 . I accepted . Was that greedy of me ? I didn 't need the money , but Ingrid seemed to need to pay it . I did as she suggested , and gave all her cousins their share , and put the rest by . I live in Ealing now . Always welcome at First and Last , of course , and I go to the annual parties which she 's kept going . I resigned from my job . I do some consultancy from time to time , for amazing amounts of money . I have a group of friends - I suppose we are " ladies who lunch " - which surprises me , as I always thought I liked men best , and we lunch , and we play cards , and sometimes even backgammon , which Ingrid taught me , and Grumpy taught her , and he learnt it ( somehow ! ) from a blind friend of his at university . The games work fine until the vodka bottle is 2 / 3 empty . Then they become rather hilarious . At times I am a merry widow , but it is a horrible thing to remember , every day , that I shall never again feel those arms around me . I asked Harriet once why they all pay so much attention to me when I was such an absent parent . " Your father did all the work , not me " . She said " OK , so you weren 't always there , but we knew where you were , and when you came home , you always knew everything about us . You knew our reports , our results and grades , you knew who our friends were , and weren 't , you did your homework . You knew us , through and through . " JD has just invited me to come over to California again . I go every year . I stay in a hotel , which I know annoys him , and his lady friend . But I have had enough of other people 's houses . |
The task I set myself is - I find - a rather melancholy one . I didn 't know it would be . All I set out to do was clear out stuff from the garage that I don 't need and that no one else ( I know ) will need . The last box of " memories " has been the best and the hardest . During the time before my mom was completely awash in bitterness , she made two photo albums . One photos of her side of my family and the other of my dad 's side of my family . She was interested in genealogy as well and had in mind that I and whoever came after me would see how things changed over time . She never imagined anything like Ancestry . com or taking photos of photos with a cell phone and uploading them so that anyone who 's interested can see . There was an old log and sod cabin on the plains not far from Billings , Montana , that we used to drive out to sometimes when I was up visiting family . It was always called , " The house where Pat was born . " Pat was the second oldest daughter in the family of 7 girls and 3 boys . Today , as I looked at these photos , I realized that most of the kids were born " in the house where Pat was borne , " not just Pat . Pat was ashamed of being born in so poor a place , and so they teased her . The only thing worse than being born into poverty was being ashamed of who you are . " You 're as good as the best , and better than the best , " was one of my grandfather 's philosophical tenets . And so my aunt was shamed by her sisters for her shame . " Be proud of who you are and where you came from ! " My mom is in the first three pictures . In the first two , she is the youngest kid . In the third she stands in front of my grandmother , between the littlest one and the one older sister who never seemed to feel comfortable on the earth . My grandfather - who regarded himself as a philosopher - poses as one . My grandma looks tired with the sun in her eyes . One uncle is missing , the other - who was a cowboy and worked on wheat ranches - stands in front of his own car . Once the older kids grew up , moved out and got jobs , life improved for everyone . My grandmother made all their clothes , the dishcloths , dishtowels , sheets , pillow cases , rugs , quilts and pillows herself . She drove the wagon that was the school bus on weekdays and the church bus on Sundays . She took care of the chickens and other fowl . Grew food in her garden and " put it up " for the winter . She milked the cows and made butter and cheese . I can see why farm families need to be large . Sure they have to find a way to feed all those kids , but the man power is important , too . The view I 've come to about the philosopher is that he didn 't do much , but he was interesting . I don 't know very much about him . Those to whom I was closest did not have much to say . He was already in his 50s when my mom was born and it could be in his younger years he was not so much a philosopher as he was a farmer . He ran for political office in Iowa some years before the move to Montana . Obviously their life was hard even before the Great Depression . My mother used to go on and on about the hardness of their lives until it was beyond bearing and I could no longer listen . It seemed that the difficulty of her life ( their lives ) was beyond the difficulty of anyone 's life ever before or after . I 'm done with this task now . I don 't ever want to do it again . It may have been a mistake to go through that stuff . If I had just left it until I died , someone who didn 't care would not even have looked at it . But if I hadn 't done this , I would not have found out some things I am glad to know , and I would not have found a couple of treasures that were tucked away for me to find . My mother was an anxious person . She panicked easily ( and often ) . There were drugs in the cabinet to help her with this . Librium was the main med , I think . She was also a sad person , an envious person , a doubtful person , an insecure person , a fearful person . When things were going well and life was balanced , she was charming and funny , but it was far too easy to knock her off balance . She did not like me very much . I think that was always the case . I don 't think it happened later in life as the result of teenage independence fights . I think it was - early on - the status quo . I was a " colicky " baby and it made my mother feel that she was a failure . Very insecure people have an exaggerated idea of their own importance ( a paradox ) and so my crying and discomfort were all her fault or me doing something to her . She also relied on me , from a very early age , to help her . Helping her was a thankless task , but I loved her and saw it as a privilege to step in where she felt unable . I even made phone calls for her when I visited her in Montana . Once her stove broke , and she just used the one functioning burner until I got there and could call a repairman . When my father died , my mom broke inside . It was horrible . He 'd lived with ever worsening MS for 20 years . In the last years , we cared for him at home as long as we could . I couldn 't bear the thought of him being " sent away to die . " As a kid , I had no clue , really , what was happening . Finally he went to live in a nursing home . That should have alleviated some of my mom 's burden , but it just meant she had to drive on icy streets to visit him , and that terrified her . When my dad died , she was a tangled mix of emotions . Since she lived in her own world , in which she was the center , she was increasingly trapped . Without my dad there to need her , to praise her , to love her , she felt she no longer existed . She retreated further into Librium and Bourbon , passivity and darkness . She was unreachable for a long time . Then , somehow , it seemed miraculously , she rallied herself . She sold the family house ( built for my dad , a special house for disabled people paid for partly by the Veterans Association ) insisting it be sold to a disabled veteran . She moved from Colorado Springs to Denver where my aunt lived and not as far from where I was with my husband in Boulder . She tried ( and fairly succeeded ) to build a life . Yesterday , in the process of cleaning out the garage , I opened the box marked ( by my mom ) " Family Photos . " I don 't have any family that will want these photos , and I had determined to throw them out . There was a plastic bag with letters in it that my mom had saved . Many were letters from me to her while I was in China . There were a few letters from my brother , I kept them . Letters from her friends . Not my business . There was a letter from the man who had been the minister to her family all my mother 's life . He had baptized her ( and her sisters ) in the Little Bighorn River . He officiated at my parents ' wedding in 1948 , he had done the funeral for my father in 1972 . His name was Chet Bentley . Rev . Bentley had suffered one of the greatest losses any human can experience ; the death of a child . His son had fought in WW II . He 'd survived and was coming home . Just a few miles from Crow Agency , less than 30 minutes from home , he was killed in a car crash . My mom , telling me this story , said , " I don 't know how Rev . Bentley survived that . " The letter to my mom answers that question . It opens with , " O Helen , what in the world are you doing to yourself ? " The rest is an impassioned plea that my mom pick herself up and find meaning in her life . He writes about the importance of will . He quotes Scripture ( minimally ) " As a man thinks in his heart , so is he . " He then writes , " It takes effort , it takes a change of mind sometimes and an act of the will , as well as reliance on the Divine Power . You can do it , Helen . I believe you can . I 'm praying that you will find something to live for - in yourself , in Martha Ann and in some thing to you want to accomplish … " After finding the letter and thinking about the times I met this man , I wanted to know more about him . I " Googled " him and found this amazing bit of history . It told me things I didn 't know - such as the Crow Indians refused to let the government put the Japanese who lived on the reservation ( and there were many ) into the internment camp at Hart Mountain . It 's a beautiful , inspiring piece of western history in which this passionate , kind man played a large part . " Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhrrrgggrhhhh ! ! ! We 're going to get you this time Butch Cassidy ( or someone ) . " Run , run , run , run , run , run across the pasture to a hole we 'd all dug . And there he was , of course , in the hideout . " You can 't get me ! " Up out of the hole . Run , run , run , run , run , run across the pasture to an unanticipated destination ( behind the chicken house ? Behind the cottonwood tree ? Behind the COW for godsakes ? ) " What 's lockjaw ? " Suddenly the mortal wound - quite bloody and fairly deep - doesn 't matter as much as this strange word . " Lock + jaw . " " Tetanus , honey . Put your leg under the water . " I sit on the edge of my gramma 's old bathtub . " The hotter the water the better . Remember , there are no antiseptics better than lots of hot water and soap . " Truth . " It 's a terrible disease where your jaws lock shut and you can 't eat and you can 't drink and you die . Put your knee UNDER the running water , dammit ! Do you want to die ? " In 1989 , Montana was 100 years old . The event was marked by a major drive - the Great Montana Centennial Cattle Drive - and I was there . The cattle were driven from Roundup ( after they 'd been rounded up , I guess ) to Billings . There were all kinds of events along with the cattle drive and two of my students , both Swiss , came up from California to join in on some of them - one of them turned out to be Montana Fondue which is bull gonads fried in hot oil on the end of a pitchfork . All of it was a lot of fun and I picked up a horse shoe from the biggest horse I never saw , but the evidence was irrefutable . There were cowboy poets reciting around campfires . There were men in old - style slickers ( sweating underneath ? ) riding their " ponies , " women in carriages , and me in my then brand new pair of c ' boy boots . My Uncle Hank - who 'd worked on oil rigs in Oklahoma but who had never been a cowboy - had so much respect for cowboys that he never let his own boys buy boots . " You 're not a cowboy , " he 'd told them . " You have no right to those boots . " But he didn 't say anything like that to me about mine . " They suit you , " he said . They turned out to be surprisingly comfortable and I wore them as a fashion choice for years , resoled them three times and had countless new heels put on them . Of course the Great Centennial Montana Cattle Drive was fraught with drama and almost didn 't come off . It was months long in its planning and a corporation was founded to organize and raise funds for the event . Rules existed regarding the authenticity of equipment , forbidding baseball caps and running shoes and recommending sunscreen and bug spray . I 'm pretty sure that Larry McMurtry 's GREAT novel , Lonesome Dove , had an inspiring influence on the whole thing . It came out in 1985 . Everyone I knew in Montana read it and loved it . It was a standing joke in my family ( among which there were retired cowboys and farmers ) that once in a while a man likes " haul off and kick a pig . " Then the mini - series came out in 1989 … " There 's a thing called good sense , " he replied . I remember looking around and seeing a warm , sunny day , not a car anywhere around , no hazards anywhere , nothing that would influence my good sense . My two students and my ex - husband decided it was just a money - making opportunity for the constabulary . During that weekend the tiny town of Reed Point , Montana , decided to get in on the action . Its school needed a new roof and being a tiny town , the money wasn 't going to be easy to raise . They held a sheep drive . Lots of people went and stood on the main street . Concessions were situated on the side streets . Mostly it was sheep . Sheep driven by kids on bikes , sheep organized by border collies and Australian shepherds , sheep driven by ATVS , sheep driven by men on horseback - pretty much ever permutation of sheep driving possible at the time . There were sheep wagons - some old and restored , some new - with big signs saying " Norwegian Bachelor Sheep Herder " on the sides , the suspendered sheep - herders were sitting on the backs hooting and hollering at some of the town 's women who came along dressed up as " lady 's of the evening . " The only bad thing about the Reed Point Sheep Drive was that it only lasted five minutes . That was such a let down for people , who really liked it , that they decided to bring it back around a second time . It took a little while to reassemble the sheep , but when they managed it and came back through town , a huge cheer went up . It is really indescribable especially now by me since the main figure in my memory is that it was hilarious good fun and the town made enough money to roof two schools . I had a great time that Labor Day Weekend , and I 'll never part with these boots . They mean something to me and they 're still comfortable but a little fragile at this point . They 've been resoled so often , that the leather on the outside toe area is thin and could rip easily . I 've even worn them while riding a horse and not just this one time . I always adored him because he was so beautiful and he was also so nice to me . I remember once arriving in Montana and feeling shy and little - I suppose I was 5 - and Hank taking me outside with him to help him finish stretching a fence . I wasn 't any help , but I felt much better outdoors with Hank than I did inside with all the people and the noise . If he talked to me , it was like I had an opinion about things or he was just quiet , sometimes telling me what to do . Over the years things like this happened hundreds of times . The most dramatic was the afternoon in 1996 when I learned from my mom 's doctor two sad facts . First , that my mom could never go home again and second , that she had been an alcoholic . I did not know the second thing though I guess it was in plain sight for years . I am a pretty emotional person and I started to cry . Our family 's " cowboy mentality " spoke up in my Aunt Martha 's voice , " Quitcher crying . You have work to do . " I was so bewildered by that ; I knew I had work to do and I knew I would do it , but that moment I hurt like I do not think I ever hurt before . The depth of my mother 's betrayal took me years to contend with . I couldn 't cry ( I wanted to ) but I knew I could just go outside and DO something so I went to the garage and got a snow shovel and went out to Jo 's driveway ( Foster Lane - the house to the left facing you in the photo above . Hank built both these houses . ) and started to work . I looked up and Hank was there . He wanted to be with me , to be my pal and to share my sadness and that was the best way he knew . I didn 't want him to . He 'd had a heart attack not long before , so I hurried and shoveled a walkway to the cars and said , " That 's good enough , don 't you think ? " and he said , " I think so . " And we came in . I still needed to get rid of all that emotional energy and I couldn 't cry and I couldn 't shovel and I did not know what to do . I decided to go out and see the hawks the vet had . I headed out the back door and started to run across the pasture but when I looked up , Hank was coming . I went back to him ( he couldn 't see very well ) and said , " I 'm going to go look at the hawks . " Hank said , " That sounds like a good idea . Hang on a minute . " There was no escaping this man . Though it worried me , it also made me happy . He knew how sad and scared I was , and he was not going to leave me all alone with my feelings . When I was five and my brother just three , my dad 's father died . There were two flights each day - Denver to Billings and back . My dad drove us all to the airport to meet the plane Hank came in on . My dad got on that very plane and went back to Billings to be with my grandmother . Hank drove us home , we packed the car , headed to Billings to join my dad , driving all night in a 1949 Ford . Hank was tired , my mom was scared , Kirk and I were confused , it wasn 't easy to find an open gas station in the middle of the night in Wyoming , but in Wheatland Hank was able to wake up a gas station owner and fill the tank . We got to Grandma Beall 's very early the next morning . Before Jo took Hank to the airport in Billings , they 'd gotten White House Ice Cream - my favorite - and put it in Grandma 's freezer . Before my brother and I crawled into grandma 's bed , Hank gave me a bowl of my favorite ice cream for being a good girl on the trip . A couple years later , Kirk and I went to live for three + months with Hank , Jo , David and Greg . It was wonderful , but naturally I missed my parents . It was different having two older brothers . David was a pestilence , Greg was my best friend and angel . Kirk was wild . There were three steers in the pasture between my grandma 's and Jo 's house . I thought they were " Bret , Bart , Hobie and Chester " but I later learned their names were " Bret , Bart , Hobart and Festus " - named from TV westerns . They were calves then big cows , pets and later meat for someone . One of our adventures was all of us getting into the back of Hank 's black pick - up ( early 50 's late 40 's Chevy , probably ) and heading out of town to pick up dried corn stalks and ears that had fallen in the harvest . It was a great golden Montana fall day , unforgettable . The brown pasture dirt , the big sky , the Big Horns and Bear Tooths in the distance , the golden beams of the sun setting behind the mountains , the light - the particular light of sunset Montana ANY time of year . I felt all these things already then wheI started school in Billings that fall . I can 't say I liked it ( I didn 't ; it 's never easy being a " temporary " student ) , but I liked that summer . I liked playing croquet on the front lawn after supper , catching snails from the irrigation ditch , the exotic expeditions to open the " big ditch " to water the pasture , the treehouse in the cottonwood where I was not supposed to go ( because I am a girl ) , the picnics in the backyard with all the family - my grandmother so nearby . I loved the way Hank and Jo were with each other ; they were playful and affectionate and silly . Later , 1979 , I got my MA at the University of Denver . In all honesty , for a long time I didn 't understand why Hank and Jo came . I didn 't feel then that my MA was worth anyone 's 12 hour car drive just to watch me walk across a stage . I hadn 't " done well " in grad school . Lots of things happened that were not pleasant and not fair . I was anxious to get out . I didn 't even let my department keep a copy of my thesis in the department . I was a misfit and was all but thrown out . It was impossible not to buy in - a little bit - to their assessment of me . But the day of the ceremony , Hank and Jo were there and went with my mom and Aunt Martha . They yelled " Yee - HA ! " as I crossed the stage . Not all that long ago , maybe 7 or 8 years ago , Hank explained to me that he was so proud of me and what I had accomplished . He said , " I never wanted to tell you , honey , because I don 't want you to be ashamed of me , but I didn 't finish high school . Your Aunt Jo and I are very proud of you . We wouldn 't have missed your big day . " Sometime after - the following summer - my mom ( who still lived in Denver ) went up to spend a couple weeks with her family in Montana . I went up to spend 4th of July weekend . Back then , people smoked on planes and it was a nightmare for someone like me who is sensitive to cigarette smoke . I got off the plane miserable to be miserable some more with my mom 's cigarettes , but … We went to Fort Smith , near the Little Bighorn River , the Yellowtail Dam where Hank and Jo had a trailer they used for a summer cabin . Down the " road " were tee - pees set up for the same purpose by some Crow Indians . Though this would sound exotic to many people it was normal for us . Hank still had a boat and still liked to fish , but the really large trout that appeared before the dam could be caught only by the Crow . It was lovely being there . We drove around ( new pick up truck , a Chevy , copper colored and white ) and looked for rocks , picked wild - plums and chokecherries and then , one evening , Hank said to me , " Get your Aunt Jo 's clubs . I 'm going to teach you to play golf . " The golf course at Fort Smith was all rough . The greens were cut a little closer and some were gravel . The 7th hole was not played because it has a rattlesnake nest . Hank showed me how to hold a club , how to lean over the ball , how to hit . He did not know - and I did not know either - that my years of playing baseball were about to play off in a big way . I 'd spent MANY summers staring at the moving wonder of a speeding white ball hurtling at me and then hitting it . I very seldom missed . There was a connection there that had not become conscious ( but was about to ) . I leaned over the golf ball and prepared to make my first drive . " Don 't be nervous , " he said . " You 'll do OK . " < I lifted back my club ( years of field hockey made my swing a little odd ) and took a swing , and drove the ball EXACTLY where it was supposed to go . I ended up my first hole a stroke under - par with NO handicap . This happened over and over . It was the same as baseball . It was the whole world vanishing in the moment of hitting a small white sphere . By the time we got to the 6th hole , my Uncle Hank was mad . I was ahead something like nine strokes . We walked toward the hole , Hank suddenly said , " It 's too dark to play . " He grabbed Aunt Jo 's clubs , turned around and headed home . In the year after my mother died ( 1996 ) , and while my Aunt Martha was living in Billings ( until 2008 ) I spent holidays and some of summer in Montana . Hank told me a lot of stories . He told me his and Jo 's love story , about Christmas Eve and running five miles to keep his promise to be with her before midnight that night . I am happy to have heard them . I love their love story . I think it 's romantic and sweet and the way it worked out is inspiring . But as Jo said , the thing that made it work is that Hank respected her and admired her ; they were real partners and had what it took to stick it out in hard times . His obituary didn 't tell his story . It didn 't tell of him being stationed on an island in the Pacific that supplied the men fighting Guadalcanal ; it doesn 't tell about his dengue fever or the kid sitting near him watching a movie outside who 'd chosen to sit on a bomb that blew up , killing him . It doesn 't show him as the handsome escort to Aunt Jo when she was Worthy Matron at Eastern Star . It doesn 't show him coming home from work on a Friday night loaded up with Shasta sodas . It doesn 't show him and Uncle Bob cutting the grass in grandma 's pasture using push mowers , or the day he had to kill at least a dozen bunnies who 'd gotten out of the hutch and were trampled by the horses . It doesn 't show him running around that dirt paddock with a shovel , crying and banging in their heads . There was nothing else to do , still , it was a horror . It doesn 't show him carrying my dad into a movie theater to watch the last movie my dad ever watched that wasn 't on TV . It doesn 't tell of his great love for Jo , or how he grabbed and snuggled her when he came home for lunch from the auto mechanic job . It doesn 't tell how the smells of a garage still make me happy because they remind me of Hank . It doesn 't show him in the garage trying to teach his boys to build a bird house - Cub Scout project . It doesn 't show him standing on a dirt crossroads with my dad and Uncle Bob surrounded by little kids - me , my brother , David , Greg , Paul and Tom . Hank , my dad and Stocky ( Uncle Bob ) had driven to Sheridan , Wyoming , to buy real fire - crackers , illegal in Montana . They wanted us to have the fun of firecrackers . None of us thought they were that great , but those three young men - all in their 30 's - were beautiful in their white t - shirts , their khaki pants , their Lucky Strikes . The obituary didn 't tell about the last time I saw my cousin Greg . It was winter and snowy . The family was sitting in Jo 's living room , the women in what seemed to be gigantic and hideous Christmas sweatshirts , all arguing about what they would each do if they had a million dollars . Greg and I were going nuts . He had a book - Thomas Carlyle - that had belonged to our grandfather Beall . I love Carlyle and was very happy to know my grandfather - who died when I was 5 - had loved Carlyle too . I said to Greg , " You want to go see the hawks ? " The vet who had his office behind my aunt and uncle 's house kept wounded wild birds in cages and used them to teach kids not to shoot them . Many were returned to the wild . There were often bald eagles and sometimes owls . At that moment , there was a snowy owl with some rapidly - growing chicks . " Where ? " asked Greg . He didn 't know ! So we got up , put on our coats , and went across the snowy pasture in which we 'd played as kids . We both remarked on Grandma 's old house , the trees had grown , some other random and passing memories . We got to the hawks and were still talking when I looked up and here was Uncle Hank trudging out to join us . He didn 't see well and it worried me , so I went back to give him a hand . The three of us stood in the snow a long time and talked . I cannot think of many things in my life - a life that 's been filled with beauty - more lovely than those moments . My cousin Greg died soon after of self - destruction ; the same illness that took my brother . The obituary written for Hank in the paper didn 't show Hank riding around with me in his twenty - year old ( 1980s ) Dodge ( Mitsubishi ) truck , Little Red , shopping for Christmas presents for Aunt Jo , or pushing a cart in Target , both of us laughing at gargantuan red bras and saying , " What about ? " ( I can say that ; I 've inherited Aunt Jo 's physique . ) It doesn 't show us goofing at the supper table and making Jo mad . Sometimes , if Hank laughed too hard , she 'd send him outside . It doesn 't show us on long rides out of town imagining a farm I would buy , one with a small house and slightly larger barn and a painted horse . It doesn 't show driving to see the Christmas lights at the zoo and on to Laurel where they still have - and use - the decorations that they had when I was a kid in the ' 50 's . It doesn 't show him standing by the baggage carousel at the airport , leaning on his cane - his horse - with Aunt Jo , waiting for me . The obituary didn 't show us helping each other rehab - him from a stroke , me from hip surgery - taking walks with our matching canes . Hank would tell me stories and ask if he got the facts right . We talked for hours rebuilding and reawakening his memories . He liked the books I gave him and we had lots of chances to talk about Barbara Tuchman 's writing which we both loved . And , it doesn 't show the hard things he overcame . Life hit him with hard things ; no mom , his oldest son was gay , his second son married a Japanese girl . For me - and many of my generation - these would be nothing , but for my uncle , from his moment and place in time , they were almost unbearable , but he did more than bear them . He overcame them and as much as he was able , he accepted his gay son . He adored his granddaughters and their children . He ended his life friends with the world and his fate . We do look at the older generation for lessons and the real ones we get are not from what they do right or what comes easy for them ; certainly they seldom come from what they tell us ; the real lessons come from keeping our eyes open and seeing how they struggle and overcome life 's puzzling , personal challenges . Last time I was in Montana was July 2010 . I drove up the route we took in 1957 and I stopped in Wheatland and Chugwater knowing that I may never pass that way again . My dog , Cody , a Siberian husky , traveled with me . Cody was a special dog and he really took to Hank - and Hank to him . When the time came for me to head back to San Diego ( actually 3 years ago to the day Hank died - Hank died on July 30 , 2013 ; I last saw him July 30 , 2010 ) I put Cody in the back seat of my red Focus and opened the garage door . Hank came out and said , " I want to say goodbye to my pal . " He opened the door , leaned into my car , gave my big dog a hug and said , " It was nice knowing you , buddy . " I was pretty teared up . I gave Hank a hug and told him I loved him and backed out of the garage . He stood in front of the garage door and saluted us as we drove away and that 's the last sight I had of my very precious Uncle Hank . When my dad was busy , and I was hanging out with him , he would sometimes say , " Honey , here . Go divide π . " I thought he was seriously interested in the answer , and I did the best I could , though , sadly , I never got the same answer twice , adding dimensions of irrationality to an already irrational number . As for pie , my grandmother made apple pie from the apples growing on her trees ; cherry as well , though most often she " put up " the cherries and used them in pies later . She made gooseberry pie from the gooseberries growing behind my aunt 's incinerator . Many WordPress readers won 't know what that is . We used to burn paper trash in our backyards . It caused air pollution , so the practice was banned . Good thing , too , because we have infinite space in landfills … One day I came in from playing outside in the pasture . I had a milkweed pod in my hand . I asked my grandma for a glass so I could pour the milk from the milkweed stem into the glass and drink it . She laughed . Wiped her hands on her apron . Took the milkweed out of my hand . Threw it in the trash . Told me to wash up because I was going to help her . She lifted me on a chair , put a handful of pie crust dough in front of me and set me to work making the sugar pie . For those who might not be familiar with this wonderful thing , it 's remnants of pie dough rolled out flat . On one side you sprinkle sugar and cinnamon , then you fold it over so it looks like a taco shell or an omelet . You can sprinkle more sugar and cinnamon on top if you want . It goes into the oven with the pie . In her day , the little house above had green asbestos shingles and a front porch that ran the width of the house . There were turned pillars to hold up the roof . Her sons - in - law kept up the place for " Mom " and had even been the ones to add the indoor toilet in the old - time bathroom . Everything about those days has achieved the golden - rose glow of time . My grandmother made the best pie I 've ever eaten . I know I have never tasted anything like it since . Still , it is hard to know so many years later if it was the pie or whether it was the light coming into her Montana kitchen window and dancing from her eyes , my grandmother 's particular magic . Daily Prompt Second - Hand Stories What 's the best story someone else has recently told you ( in person , preferably ) ? Share it with us , and feel free to embellish - that 's how good stories become great , after all . NOT Recently , but it 's a good story ! My grandmother drove the school bus on weekdays . On Sundays she drove it around the the fields and farms near the southern Montana town of Hardin picking up people for church . As for the school bus , it was a large wagon with a eight wide seats on each side , a top and roll - down windows . It was hauled by two large horses , one of whom was named Fred . The other ? I never knew his name . To my knowledge he never did anything remarkable , but Fred ? I had no idea how large Fred and the other horse were until I saw a photo of my grandmother filling a cistern at the well while Fred and his yoke mate patiently waited their turn to haul that heavy thing home . My grandmother 's head does not even come up to Fred 's shoulder . True , she wasn 't a tall woman - probably topped out at 5 ' 2 ″ . Still … The family got up early , hitched the horses ( the older boys ' job ) and dressed for church . Starting in Hardin and ending at Crow Agency ( where the Baptist church was ) they picked up all the church members and took them to hear Reverend Bentley preach . Afterward , handshakes and thank you , Preacher , they all got back into the wagon . They drove their route backward and then , as they were crossing a bridge over the big irrigation ditch , Fred keeled over and fell , unhitching himself , landing in the ditch . My grandfather got down from the wagon with his two sons , Tummy and David , and climbed carefully down the ditch bank to see what had happened with Fred . A tragedy , actually , for their livelihood , not just for Fred . Fred was dead . The little kids went wild . They were too young to grasp the seriousness of the situation they were in , and they only saw a Bible conundrum playing out in front of them . Here it was , Sunday . On Sunday they were not allowed to do anything except absolutely necessary chores . No reading other than the Bible , no singing , no playing , nothing . It was the Lord 's day and would be honored as such . But here was a real , live Bible story in front of them and they recognized it . They 'd been through enough hair - splitting debates on the Gospel to wonder , was a horse in the ditch the same as an * ox in a pit ? * Luke 14 And it came to pass , as he went into the house of one of the chief Pharisees to eat bread on the sabbath day , that they watched him . 2 And , behold , there was a certain man before him which had the dropsy . 3 And Jesus answering spake unto the lawyers and Pharisees , saying , Is it lawful to heal on the sabbath day ? 4 And they held their peace . And he took him , and healed him , and let him go ; 5 And answered them , saying , Which of you shall have an ass or an ox fallen into a pit , and will not straightway pull him out on the sabbath day ? 6 And they could not answer him again to these things . I have three prized possessions ( other than my house and my dogs and my health ) . The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam my dad carried in the war , the New Testament my Grandmother Beall gave me for Christmas when I was little , and a arrowhead that my grandfather found one day when he and my Aunt Martha were walking around in the fields north of Hardin , Montana . The arrowhead is tiny - about 1 inch long - white and perfect ; it 's made of Montana moss agate . I imagine it was used for hunting rabbit . It might not kill a man . What makes it treasured ( even beyond its amazingness ) is the story that goes with it . From hearing my aunts talk about him , I gather that my grandfather was a complicated man . I didn 't know him . He was born in 1870 ( ? ) and died in 1957 . My dad recorded him reciting his version of the alphabet in the style of a Baptist preacher ( hilarious ) . Of course , the recording is on a record , a 78 . My grandfather is certainly the reason my mom grew up loving words . Of course , in 1920s Montana the family had no electricity and no radio , but they had Victor Hugo and the poetry of Whittier - maybe many other works that I do not know about . He read his ( poor ) children Le Miserable every winter so they 'd feel sorry for Jean Val - Jean instead of themselves . They grew up in the tail end of the vanishing mist of 19th century farm life . I got the idea that he wasn 't easy to live with . Although no one has ever put the pieces together for me , I sense that he had a temper and not much interest in - or patience for - the kids . I imagine some of them had to have idolized him and I believe one of those who did was my Aunt Martha because HER life treasure was this tiny arrowhead her father had found while they were walking across a field . Simple enough . He picked it up out of the dirt , brushed it off , and handed to her . I sensed from her telling the story that might have been the only thing he ever gave her . In any case , she treasured it all her life and made a big deal out of it . It became a standing family joke . My Aunt Martha was smart with money , and everyone knew it , and most of the family borrowed from her over the years , but what they really wanted to know was who was going to get the arrowhead when she died . They teased her about this for decades . I think my Aunt Martha always knew where the arrowhead was going , but she never let on . Then , toward the end , when all the aunts had read the will , they knew . One afternoon my Aunt Jo said , " Come here , Martha Ann . I have something for you . Martha left you the arrowhead . " The will says my Aunt Martha left it to me because my name is Martha , too . I 'm not sure that was all , though . I think it was more . I was only five when my grandfather died , but we 'd had one experience together , anyway . When I was one or two , my parents took me to Montana to meet him . He liked me a lot and bundled me up and took me out in the cold to visit all his friends up and down Foster Lane . Of course , I got pneumonia and ended up in the hospital in Billings , St . V 's , just like Hemingway in the " Gambler , the Nun and the Radio . " I grew up loving books and thinkers . One of those I loved when I was an undergraduate was Thomas Carlyle . Time passed , my interests grew and diverged , and then I " met " Goethe . I read everything I found , and thought about all of it . I had not " met " a mind like his ( was there ever a mind like his ? ) and felt I 'd met a " friend . " One day in the university library I happened on the correspondence between Goethe and Carlyle . Of course I checked it out . I read it from cover to cover that night , very moved . Carlyle was young ; Goethe was old . Carlyle had promise , intelligence , talent - but a darkness running through his character . Goethe recognized all of this and wrote the letters Carlyle really needed as a young human being , as a thinker and as a writer . I saw in their friendship a reflection of my " friendship " with Goethe . These were letters he might have written to me . I did not know of my grandfather 's love for Carlyle at that point . I learned of it that Christmas when my cousin Greg handed me a well thumbed , well - loved book of Carlyle 's essays that had belonged to my grandfather . Perhaps my grandfather and I would have been friends . Maybe we would have had many things in common . Maybe we would have walked the fields north of Hardin and talked about ideas . Genealogy says we all resemble our grandparents more than we do our parents . I see my mother 's mother in my appearance . But what of this unknown man ? All I know is this arrowhead and that my beloved Aunt Martha treasured it above everything else she owned . My mom was an elementary school teacher . Her first teaching experiences were at Warman School on the Crow Indian Reservation . Over the years she taught in a couple other one room schools and then moved into the town of Hardin where she taught for a while . After she married , she taught at Englewood Elementary in Englewood , Colorado . Her favorite grade to teach was third grade . " My Lord ! That 's what that was ! " The old woman wrapped her arm more tightly around the little boy beside her . " I 'm sorry , Kirk . I shouldn 't have swatted you like that . " Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this : |
In a world where the supernatural was just as normal and mundane as getting the milk from the nearest Tesco , you had to watch what you said . Of course , to Sherlock , this had always been just another piece of evidence . Somehow , he 'd been able to put all of the rules the mad world they inhabited lived by into neat little folders of information inside that hard drive in his head . " Do me one favour , will you ? Just one . . . miracle . Don 't - don 't be . . . dead . Whatever 's listening - make Sherlock not be dead . " He had fought in a war , and survived . Perhaps more tellingly , he had come home , of his own free will , even if it was only due to an injured shoulder , a psychosomatic limp and the subsequent inability to fight for his country . He still had nightmares , even as he had missed the action , but he had stayed even after the limp had gone . Melas - a Greek man , did as he had been bid , along with the help of two others . It was not a hard task , since they had all been tied hand and foot the previous day . They were now tired , injured and hungry , as well as utterly defeated . " I already know what your mission was . I was merely asking to be . . . polite . You turned me down . That 's not nice . You could have stated that you were taking wounded and injured soldiers back from the recent and ongoing war in the east ; you could have stated the truth - that you hold no valuable state secrets , except for the current state of said war , and any news that these soldiers carry with them . Your loyalty to King and Country is admirable . Your intelligence rather less so . Mr . Trevor , do be so kind as to get the good captain out of my sight . " " You . You came on board that ship as an injured soldier - the uniform you 're wearing is patched at the shoulder , with blood stains that haven 't been properly washed out . When I first saw you , you were limping , and had gone as far as to request a stick - but in the fight for the Gloria Scott , you showed yourself to be perfectly capable of defending yourself , dropping said stick halfway through and forgoing the limp , which must therefore be something your mind has made up , discrediting the idea that your uniform was simply borrowed from a comrade with a similar size . . . " A man approached the prisoner , one who looked like he may have been of good stock had he not been on a pirate ship , and did as his captain had ordered . The prisoner stood , favouring his leg just as Holmes had described , even while it had been the odd position of his arms that had caused him the most discomfort . He glared , having to look up at his captor due to a difference in height . " Take a look around you . I 've got almost everything and everyone I need . I 'm just missing one vital ingredient , and the thing will be complete . " " Correction : you are an ex - army doctor who 'd do better with us than you would back home . " There was a pause , as the Captain was looked at with incredulity . " Oh , you know you want to . I saw you out there yesterday . " AN : I 'd told Usagi I 'd draw a pirate ! Sherlock . Which I did . While working on it , I came up with this AU , which is chock - a - block full of historical inaccuracies and cameo appearances . I REGRET NOTHING . School had been okay . Well , maybe not okay - he 'd been bullied , and one of the kids had died , and they 'd never found out who 'd done it . But he came out the other end alive and , seemingly , sane . Now , though , he wasn 't so sure . He 'd always had blackouts , short moments when he wasn 't quite sure what he 'd been doing from one moment to the next . Sometimes it felt like having sleepwalked , ending up down the road , or even on the other end of town . One time , he came to his senses wearing a completely different set of clothes . Then there 'd been the time he 'd come to in prison , just as the doors were opening , and people started to file in . They asked him about things he didn 't know or understand , and he told them so . To his relief , they 'd let him out after a while , but he 'd blacked out so often that he hadn 't been aware of what day it was , let alone month . There was an awkward , terrifying silence , during which he realised that they were on a roof . They were the only ones there , and he was wearing a suit again - Westwood , a part of his mind supplied - and there was a gun in his suit jacket . He didn 't know how that had come to be there , and he wasn 't sure he wanted to know . An icy chill gripped him , and suddenly , he wanted to be anywhere but where he was . But he couldn 't afford to black out again - if he did , he knew , just knew that something unimaginably bad would happen . That he wouldn 't be walking away from . His first meals were difficult - he 'd apparently suffered brain damage , so some things would take some relearning and getting used to again . That was okay . He 'd be starting afresh with much more than how to eat . Speaking took longer . He 'd know what people meant when they talked , but it was another thing entirely to say the words himself , and that frustrated him . It was his own personal major achievement when he first strung a coherent sentence together , and the entire ward cheered . It was around that time that he first started to watch TV . He 'd heard it before , but this was a sort of turning point - he could talk , he could ask what was going on , he could say if he wanted to see something or not . He could walk away if he didn 't . He frowned as he watched the news . There was a man on the news with his face . He turned to one of the nurses on duty , and asked , both with hesitant words and signs , who that was . " Richard Brooks , " the nurse said . " That 's what the news is always saying . You 're Richard Brooks . " She smiled at him , and he smiled hesitantly back . If something seemed off , he didn 't say . How could he know ? He was the brain damage man who couldn 't remember anything . If that 's what they said his name was , then who was he to say anything either way ? John stared at him . He really couldn 't help himself . Living with his flatmate was weird enough to drive a normal person insane most of the time , but this was just taking the cake . " I mean , how am I going to be able to chase after the criminals I 'm catching at this height ? Not to mention that the table will need to be brought down , the files - everything - put into easy reach - and if you even think about child - locking anything , I 'm going to do something drastic . Possibly involving tea . Or acid . Maybe both . " " The thought hadn 't even crossed my mind , " he said , words mumbled through his hands before he took them away . " You 're going to have to be careful , though . If people thought you were weird before . . . " " John . " He recognised the icy tone in Mycroft 's voice and suddenly the phone didn 't seem so safe . " I want you to hand the phone to my brother . Now , if you don 't mind . " Sherlock treated the cordless the same way a sane person would a dead rat , holding it gingerly in his now much smaller fingers , and somewhat away from his ear . Which was probably just as well , as this was what John thought - from Sherlock 's shocked , somewhat confused expression - was the first and hopefully last time Mycroft sent a spiel of angry , barely concealed concern his younger brother 's way for having allowed such a thing to happen to him . When it finally ended , Sherlock blinked . The derision back as though nothing had happened , Mycroft bit back . " I hope you understand just how much trouble you 're putting me through , Sherlock . You can 't go out like that and reveal that such a thing exists that could cause this sort of effect . The general public would be in panic . " " Oh , goodie . I get to play pretend . I do hope you 're not going to tell me to start acting like one as well while you 're at it . " " Mr . Trevor , meet Dr . John Watson . He serves as ship 's surgeon , and my very own chronicler , for reasons entirely unknown to me . John , this is Victor Trevor , an old friend of mine from my youth and an invaluable link to the outside world and England . I gather you have a message for me . " Dear Sherlock , it read . I understand that as I write this you are likely still out at sea on one of those foolhardy adventures of yours , and that it may in fact be several months before this reaches you , but I thought that I should send word just on the offchance that you weren 't gallivanting for quite as long as usual . In fact , if it weren 't deemed as important as it is , I would not have bothered at all . A case has arisen , and since I can hardly give up my post for such a thing , my hand , as they say , has been forced . Also . . . yes . I may actually be continuing this , insofar as extra drabbles whenever inspiration strikes is a continuation . Same with any of my other drabbles and shorts here . Several hours since Mycroft had phoned , and Sherlock was still sulking . And the term , as it turned out , was actually very apt . Despite still being in his now oversized clothes that hung loosely from his much smaller body , John had found him pacing - or attempting to - after making tea . At first he 'd panicked , not seeing him in the room , until he realised that he 'd been looking for Sherlock at the wrong height . She carried through a large - ish cardboard box , the sight of which John was amused to see caused a faint blush on Sherlock 's face . Regardless , he opened it with the air of one already knowing what was going to be inside and half dreading the contents . When the flaps of the box opened up , John was surprised to find that it was only clothes - all neatly folded up , perfectly arrayed and clean as though they 'd never been worn , with the exception of a few permanent stains and the tell - tale sign of a sewn - up tear . AN : HAD to do that . And the reference to SiB was something that just came to me as I was writing it . Mrs . Hudson puts up with everything . And the last line says it all . XD The first thing he did was ask John why he hadn 't brought Sherlock with him . The response was that Sherlock was away , indeterminately . And that he and his brother had left one of their younger relations behind to boot . Sherringford , John said . The kid 's name was Sherringford . But before he had a chance to voice anything on the subject , the kid had started to wander off onto the crime scene . First he tried shouting , but that got no response - he was off in some other world , probably , thinking it was all a good lark . Well , it wasn 't . He went over , and stopped the kid before he could go any further . " Look , kid - Sherringford , whatever your name is . This isn 't a playground , and you can 't just wander off wherever you like . This is my crime scene , got that ? Now go play somewhere else . " AN : Title thing doesn 't actually have that much to do with the drabble itself , but still . I thought of this and the last one at around the same time , too . I might do a Molly one next in the same series , but there is a reason why they 're here and not in a story of their own - they have no plot , and they 're short enough not to warrant a new story ' folder ' . In case you 're wondering , Sherlock , by the end of this , can 't be bothered to pretend in front of Lestrade any more . He just reverts to being himself . The others , though ? They 're . . . is it lucky , or unlucky ? John was leaving . There he went , leaving the room , and him , utterly defenceless . There was nothing he could do as ' Sherringford ' that would not cause his cover to be well and truly blown - meaning that there was very little that he could do at all . John had agreed to go with him . It was not as though he could not have gone on his own , but having someone along who could be assumed to be the adult if the need arose was beneficial . Not to mention , he enjoyed John 's company , not only before but also after the incident - John still treated him as an equal . This was a point that was a harsh contrast to the behaviour of the staff at St . Bart 's . They would look down at him , literally and figuratively . They would ignore him . They would comment on how the hospital was hardly a place for children , especially as they drew nearer to the morgue . They would also assume that he was a relative of John 's , even though it was obvious that they looked nothing alike , so there could clearly be no familial connection . Then the dreaded thing had happened when he had been attempting to get up high enough to see the lacerations on the most recently dead man 's fingers . Ridiculous , really , that an action that would normally have him leaning down would now require him to bend up and find a stepping stool of some kind . It was not to be quite so easily , however , as the moment he was high enough he felt arms around his waist - yet again , what was it with people and picking him up ? - as Molly lifted him full clear of the body he 'd been trying to investigate . He didn 't care that this wasn 't normal childish behaviour - he wanted to go back to his investigation ! He had to be able to see things for himself ! And now - John left . Leaving him in the arms of someone who thought he was a child . Someone who had their arms still around him . He might trust Molly , but right now he just wanted out . John . John , get BACK here ! Surely whatever you 're doing isn 't as important as this . I 'm - I 'm - The word came to him , and he almost cringed at its adequacy , which was worthy of one of John 's theatrical tellings of their cases on his blog . AN : . . . The moment I realised that this is basically what she 'd do if she could , and that here he can 't fight back , and the WORD . I had to . I just had to . XD His eyes caught on the number . He 'd know that number anywhere - it was Sherlock 's . How , though - how could Sherlock be texting him ? He was supposed to be dead . He had to catch himself so that he didn 't throw his own halfway across the room . That wouldn 't do him any good . Instead , he sent a quick one back , teeth clenched and barely restrained anger showing in the short message . Look , I don 't know who 's doing this , but it isn 't funny . That 's not yours , and the man it belonged to is dead . If you have any decency in you , you 'll hand it in . The next time , he got a voicemail . It 'd been left to ring while he was at work , so he hadn 't been able to pick up . There hadn 't been a voice , just the sounds of what seemed like a city . He couldn 't pick out any words , so he couldn 't tell whether or not it was even in London . Lestrade wasn 't , it turned out , much help . There were so many other things going on that a stolen phone wouldn 't really be that high on the agenda , though he did say he 'd pass the message on to someone who might be able to help . It wasn 't really his division , after all , but if there was anything he could do . . . John thanked him , but left resigned to the knowledge that he 'd keep being haunted by Sherlock 's phone . After all , he could hardly block the number . It was Sherlock 's . The next time was several weeks later , and a photo . Bad quality , but it was obvious that whoever had the phone wasn 't even in England . The weather was bright and sunny at least , and right when the picture had been taken there had been clouds covering Britain . It was at an angle , too , and blurred - as though taken by accident . But whoever had sent it must have done it on purpose . It was several months later when he checked his voicemail only to find that there was yet another one . This time , someone speaking in . . . Arabic ? He wasn 't sure . But it wasn 't English , that was certain . And it wasn 't Sherlock . Even if he 'd tried masking his voice , John was sure that he would have recognised his old flatmate . May brought on something new . It was the anniversary , so to speak , of the fall . Of Sherlock 's death . He spent the day at home , with Mrs . Hudson making tea and sharing stories . Late at night , after Mrs . Hudson had gone home , he received a text . Then , abruptly , they stopped coming . Absolutely nothing , for months on end . He almost started worrying , and he wasn 't even sure who he was worrying for - the texter , this mysterious person who 'd stolen Sherlock 's phone , or Sherlock himself , as though he 'd somehow survived and was in danger again . He missed that false sense of hope . His delusion that something so miraculous could happen . He started to go back through his phone 's history , looking over each one of the texts , but seeing nothing off with any one of them . Christmas came and went , and so did New Years ' , without further messages . But that was all right - the news was enough to keep him occupied , full as it was of new evidence to prove Sherlock innocent and not a fraud , and what was more , that Moriarty was real , not that ' Richard Brook ' persona . He had a smile on his face , something that had been starting to get rare . Now that Sherlock 's name was being cleared , he was starting to be asked back onto crime scenes , to act as a medical examiner on - scene , so to speak . There were strange , furtive looks from some of Lestrade 's team , some distrustful still and others shiftily guilty . He and Lestrade would commiserate , though , how it wasn 't the same without Sherlock . Sherlock would have made this an open and closed case . Sherlock would have loved this one . On the way back from one of those , he was trying to hail a cab when a tall guy in a hoodie and trackie bottoms ran straight into him . He checked himself over as the man ran off , only to find that nothing was missing , and there were several things lying around that , instead , must have been dropped . Seeing no one running after him , John picked the things up and ran , calling at the man to slow down , that he 'd dropped his things . He 'd stopped , thankfully , but John hadn 't been able to see his face - it 'd been hidden by the hood and a large , oversized pair of sunglasses , not to mention a scarf . That was all he could make out before he blacked out . It 's one thing to delude yourself , and another entirely to hear someone 's voice , definitely him this time , not a stranger on a faraway street , right there . No denying it . But here , he does . Only under the guise of a stranger , someone completely unrelated , quite possibly more than one . And with phones , it 's always more than possible . . . No , now people stared because there went John Watson , who was projecting his expectations onto his flatmate 's cousin , just a boy at that . Who could , obviously , hardly live up to the great consulting detective 's reputation . People stared because they talked one another as equals , and John didn 't bother talking down to his friend just because their height difference went the other way nowadays . AN : Another shrunk ! Sherlock drabble . This time only written to explain the picture I 'd done of him and John . The idea of an adult and a child interacting as equals struck me as something worthy of note . . . He 'd seen Sherlock in action , and he 'd just been further confused . One moment he 's saying Lestrade thinking is distracting him , the next he 's showing us how he figured it out on his phone . It honestly hadn 't surprised him to be asked his opinion on the dead woman at least - he 'd said before that he was a good army Healer , and that included being able to tell more or less , medically at least , what a person had died of . A side effect of his training he mostly hadn 't had to use up until then . It had been Sherlock 's reaction that had been interesting . No glance at the leg . For a doctor , especially one in a war , nerves of steel were a must . For a healer , even more so . But there was a difference - a big difference - between being good at what you did in a combat situation , and enjoying the thrill it gave you . John 's father and his father before him had been gifted with the talent for healing . It was a family trait , one that not all of them used to its best advantage , but that they all acknowledged . It was there , better make the most of it . Though Harry generally wasted hers on getting rid of her own hangovers . John 's grandfather had been in the army . But they 'd all been surprised when John himself had signed up after completing his doctorate . He seemed so nice , they 'd say . Five minutes out on the field , and he 'll be coming home with nightmares . Right waste . It couldn 't be said that there wasn 't any prejudice in the world . There was , even though it was so underlying , so under the surface , that you wouldn 't always notice it if you weren 't looking . The tensions between the black and white communities lingered on , crossing the boundaries of the talented and the mundane the same way the loyalties of duty to one 's country did . The ones that were less noticed were simply never said . They didn 't have to be . Everyone knew that a healer had the skill and the opportunity to save lives and destroy them , equally . Everyone knew that a healer had to be above suspicion , above reproach , fully capable of taking that trust that you had to give them . Otherwise , how could anyone survive , knowing that they had an injury untreatable by mundane medicine , but that they could not go to the one kind of person who could make everything right ? Sometimes , though , healers went bad . It wasn 't unheard of . You 'd see it in the news , in the papers , headlines about some guy who 'd let people die , or killed his patients for money . Awful stuff . The kind of thing that made people sick to think about it . And because of that , everyone knew , without having to be told , that if a healer enjoyed combat … enjoyed war … the danger , the thrill , the feeling of being needed so badly to save a person 's life and hold it within their hands , then that person was , well . A danger . He 'd never say it to anyone , but it scared him . And now the man was asking him to … what ? Spy on his new flatmate ? AN : Originally known in my head as the ' magicverse ' . Which was developed after thinking too much on the ' Wish ' drabble , the first that was posted in my collection . And then I developed a verse that actually used proper magic , and so this became the ' Healerverse ' . I think . It is , of course , limited . People stare . They stop in the street and then carry on , pretending it 's for another reason , but he knows the truth . He tries to ignore this , and carry on so that he can live . Hoping against hope that another blackout won 't happen , dreading the day he all but knows that it will . People had started to get almost used to the movement . The campaign . You could see people buying and selling # believeinsherlock stickers and posters and bookmarks and badges . He didn 't buy any . He was too afraid that they might recognise his face , and he didn 't want that . He 'd never do that . He 'd respected Sherlock Holmes . He 'd thought the man was so clever , doing all those things , things he 'd never be able to do . He 'd told him , before he 'd jumped - " Oh , but you 're clever , " , but he really wasn 't . If he 'd been clever , he 'd have known what it was that Sherlock wanted to know . He 'd have made it so that his hero didn 't have to die . That - now , that would have been ' being clever ' . It had been , obviously , the Baskerville case . Nothing of the sort had been divulged to them , either of them , at the time . It had obviously been thought of as unimportant . . . somehow . No , the first sign , and one they really should have paid more attention to , had been the way that everyone treated Sherlock after he 'd solved the case . They would steal glances when they thought he wasn 't looking . Too bad for them John had his friend 's back and nearly always noticed that sort of thing , and Sherlock himself too observant for his own good . But it was different from when Sally Donovan stared and called him ' Freak ' , from when the Yarders would stare when he was on a case and he was the only civilian in the room , let alone the smartest . These were all aimed , John was sure , at the place Sherlock had been bitten by the hound . It was a strange kind of look , too - morbid in their curiosity , almost in awe of something neither of them could quite figure out since it didn 't have to be connected to the case , and respectful of something almost intangible . It wasn 't as though the bite itself bothered the detective much ; he 'd continued on as normal , barely favouring the once - bloodied arm at all . In what seemed like no time at all , it seemed to have vanished once and for all , the tears in his coat sleeve from where he 'd been bitten affecting his temper far more than the pain . Although even that had been fixed not long after their return to Baker Street . Then , predictably and inevitably , came the first full moon after the Baskerville case . They should have seen it coming . One moment he 's heading out , the next he 's home , a bag of shopping under his arm , and the next he 's in through the door and the first thing he sees is that there 's a wolf in Sherlock 's chair , Sherlock 's clothes in pool just in front of it . The shopping fell to the floor as the wolf stared with blue eyes , unimpressed and bored , from his seat . . . . AN : This AU is brought to you by memebells , which made me wonder how a Sherlock could become a wolf for a day or so . Werewolf justChapter 16 : In Search of a Permanent Destination Twenty four hours . That was the one thing that remained the same , completely the same , each and every single time . He would wake up and come to himself exactly twenty four hours prior , not a single thing different aside from what he himself chose to change . To anyone else , there would be a moment of disorientation , a blink and then a shake of the head , unnoticeable unless he drew attention to it . But then he would have to go through those same hours day after day after day . So far , he had counted fifty - three . Today would make the fifty - fourth . " Sherlock ? " That would be John . " Sherlock , are you all right ? " Of course he was . Why wouldn 't he be ? " It 's just , you look like you 've seen a ghost or something . " So far , he had seen John die thirty - five times , Mrs . Hudson twenty - five and Lestrade thirty - one . Most of these were from shots fired from a sniper rifle ; some were from a handgun , and a rare handful were by other means . Mycroft had even died , a total of fifteen times , small compared to the rest . He knew each and every line , by now . All of the stage directions were known by heart . All variations had been rehearsed , and all had been tried and tested . He had died forty - seven times . He had taken a gun to the rooftop thirty - eight . Killed Jim in several more ways and still woken up twenty four hours before . Allow self to be arrested . Do not resist . John joins him moments later - exactly as expected . They run . This route - it 's the one he 'd choose if he hadn 't known , and he still chooses it now . Intercept assassin . Go to Kitty 's - you don 't know who 's going to arrive , pretend you don 't , you 're a good enough actor , now act like it - let him go , just . . . let him go . For now . He couldn 't tell her what . And besides , there were so many things ' wrong ' that he wouldn 't know where to start . So he 'd stick with the things that he could explain . That she could help him with . Jim had been right . It wasn 't about simply ' Staying Alive ' . It wasn 't about surviving . It was about winning . And he 'd just won the game . " This merely means that our case has been elevated to murder . Tell Lestrade , and then get something to eat . You can meet me back at Baker Street . " AN : Done specifically for this picture of John healing . Or doing something with the glow still illuminating the body . VERY short because of that , but thought I 'd share anyway . Healerverse , if you hadn 't noticed . Um . . . before anyone gets mistaken ? I don 't intend this to be a hint at some kind of ' relationship ' . But it is a nod to how much more like brothers John and Sherlock seem as opposed to Sherlock and Mycroft . . . The next thing he knew , he was in a tightly enclosed space - bag , he was in a body bag . That wasn 't , couldn 't be good . Not enough air , and he 'd die of oxygen starvation even if the concussion and possible contusion didn 't do him in first . Then he realised that there were voices , conversing among themselves but too faint and far away for him to actually make any words out . After what seemed like an age and no further data to put towards any further deductions , the voices faded ever yet out of reach . Or - no , one of them , the other was still present , footsteps on the floor , he was inside , shoes not boots , female gait , slight swish of lab coat - It was Molly . She was looking down at him , smiling slightly , eyes shining - wet ? Crying ? He 'd told her what he 'd been planning , why should she be crying ? - but trying so very hard to still look like she knew what she was doing . He shifted his elbows somewhat , just enough so that he could start to inch himself into a sitting position , ignoring his body 's protests and the pins and needles lancing through his veins . He 'd been through worse . He should be dead right now , and he 'd won . Even if his head did still hurt . There was an awkward silence . Sherlock knew Molly , and despite her tendency to the melodramatic in some cases , and despite not being the same kind of doctor as John , he did trust her judgement . He had told her all of the signs to look for , just in case something like this had happened . And yet , even then , she had looked after him while he had been unable to do so for himself , and denied what the evidence had told her , and just as well . But what the data was telling Sherlock did not make sense , was illogical and purely improbable . One could not die and return to life without the sustained care and quick attention of at least one very good doctor , and he was fairly certain that John hadn 't been allowed near him . He had expressed that very clearly , in fact . Still . There was nothing to be done about it now . He was alive , regardless of anything that may or may not have happened from the time he had been on the roof with Moriarty , until this very moment . It had been a murder , so absurdly simple . He 'd not known the man , but vaguely remembered brushing past him two or three days ago . Nothing more , nothing less . Lestrade had been taken off the case . ' Conflict of interests ' , they 'd said , and the detective had apologised , said that all he could do was to act as a character witness . Sherlock had scoffed , finding the notion that it would even be necessary frankly absurd . Only now , years later - years , Mycroft , years . What took you so long - was he out , and in his own clothes , and free . He felt older , and not just in age , more cynical if that was possible , and worn . Some things had been simple , like the carpet and the cushions and the mirror . Others had been harder , like the moose and the chairs . That wasn 't even going into the trouble he 'd had trying to get a knife that he could use to keep his correspondence in check , or the lab equipment . For some reason , there were things that people generally didn 't like giving or selling to ex - convicts , even if they had been found innocent , thank you very much . It was for the same reason that business was getting off onto a rocky start . Cases came in dribs and drabbles , usually boring ones , which he took only because , damn it , but he needed the money , and it was just like starting anew . No one knew him any more , and he needed to rebuild his torn reputation . That , however , still wasn 't enough . He was , he was embarrassed to admit , finding it difficult keeping up with the rent . He even did admit it to someone - Mike Stamford , someone he knew through St . Bart 's , one of the few places that would still let him through their doors . Which was good and useful , even if he would have found a way in somehow even if they hadn 't . Slowly , very , very slowly , the police started to trust him again . After all , he had been found innocent , and they knew that without him they 'd be lost . They 'd already experienced that once , and they had already started to come back to him like a pleading dog with its tail between its legs , begging for scraps . And he was only too pleased to comply , so long as it gave him interesting cases . He 'd heard whispers , while in prison , whispers without a name , without a face , without anything but the notion - if you had a problem you wanted . . . solved . . . you went to that one man . He 'd sort it all out . Fix it for you . Or . . . maybe he didn 't . But now he had a name and a face . That was more than he 'd had before . And both he and John were still alive . There had been , later on , when Mycroft and his . . . distinguished guest . . . had come into his flat uninvited , a momentary sense of brotherly solidarity that he doubted would reappear soon . His supposed client had suggested that he might not be completely trustworthy . Mycroft , risking quite possibly more than his job , had come back with a single sentence . Breathe . Slowly . One , two . In , and out . Calm . He was going to be alone on this one , but he 'd have to pull through . The ' fight ' didn 't last very long , from thereon in . John ran from the place , before the adrenaline stopped and relief kicked in . He didn 't need to check to see that Sherlock was following , as he could hear rapid paws making their way alongside him , and light canine panting . Apart from the obvious , it was almost like normal . If he couldn 't move quickly enough - if he couldn 't reach far enough - if … There were far too many ' ifs ' . And far too many dangers in the world he lived in . Which was why , he supposed , the idea Mike Stamford had given him of being someone 's flatmate had held so much appeal . The theory being , you looked out for each other . Harder to get caught out , with two . AN : This started out as an offshoot of the werewolf ! Sherlock verse . In that instead of Sherlock just being a werewolf , almost everyone else is a strange being as well - vampires , witches , etc . Then I had another idea , and it 's grown from there . Unlike some people , John had always believed in ghosts . He wasn 't sure about any kind of afterlife they 'd have beyond that , but ghosts ? Those , he was perfectly fine with . Possibly , because he could see them . Upon walking into a room , the resident ghosts , should there be any , would generally either calm down or freak out . The ones that calmed down were usually the victims , and the ones who freaked out were usually ones who had died and did not , for whatever reason , want the real method and means and perpetrator to be figured out . They knew about Sherlock Holmes , and apparently word travelled fast among the dead , because it hadn 't taken long before they knew that they could get to Sherlock through him , and that had quickly become awkward . This , of course , could make cases both extremely easy and very , very complicated . If John was lead to a clue that solved the case which no one would ordinarily have looked for , then all was well , and it could be blamed on a happy coincidence . If the ghosts were trying to make things difficult for him , then he had to keep up with Sherlock while trying - and he did notknow how he succeeded most of the time - to keep their antics to a minimum . Shock overcame him at first - the shopping dropped dramatically to the ground - and then he started to back away step by step . There was a wolf in his flat . And if Sherlock was behind this , then - then - he didn 't know what he 'd do , but it wouldn 't be nice . As the shock wore off , however , he started to try and think clearer . Phone , did he have his phone on him ? Yeah , jacket pocket , and he could use it to call the police , or London Zoo - somethin - The wolf whined . Like a dog . Was that - did they even do that ? Curious , he peered closer , as close as he could get without putting himself in harms ' way more than he already was . Those claws - especially the front ones - looked like they 'd just been used , and they fitted the marks in on the furniture perfectly . Dark fur , but with a silky sheen , as though brushed through , but with a few sore looking areas . And the eyes - Which was worrying . Because if something had Sherlock that concerned , then it had to be bad . Or personal . Although John wasn 't too sure what kind of personal things would affect him that much . He had put away most of the items - milk had gone in first - when he 'd heard a noise coming from the direction of Sherlock 's room . Quickly , he shoved in the last few things before hastening to where the noises were coming from . He knew that sound . It was Sherlock - Sherlock in pain . No response . And with all he knew , the time it would take to go downstairs and get Mrs . Hudson to give him the master key could well kill Sherlock . So , in went the door . He was greeted with a sight that he hoped that he would never have to see again . Sherlock , always so full of pride , was hunched over , sheets covering him . But there was something else that was wrong , so very , very wrong . He looked - his body was - was changing . . . But I realised that I needed more than just ' John came home and realised Sherlock was a wolf ' . That wouldn 't work . It was too easy . So something had to give . And the scars came back for reasons , I say . reasons . At first , he was fine . Perfectly fine to wait until his family had apprehended the criminal stupid enough to think he could outwit a whole family of Holmes ' . Then , he started to worry . It was taking too long . Why was it taking too long ? Had something happened ? He couldn 't tell . He couldn 't see anything other than the insides of the small , tight space , and the cupboard was too far away from the meeting point to be able to hear a single thing . He might as well have been floating out in space . When his father and Mycroft found him hours later - Mycroft , at fourteen years old , had been scared out of his mind worrying about all of the things that could have happened to his baby brother , doing his best to put it all behind a mask that only his parents could truly see through - he was unconscious . Sherlock had started to hyperventilate , and passed out due to lack of usable air . The small gaps that the door made at the corners simply hadn 't been enough . From then on , John paid more attention . Sherlock was fine in taxis because he spent nearly all of the time looking out of the car windows , or talking with whoever else was in there with him - namely , most of the time , John himself . The flat was perfectly normal for him because he could associate it with ' home ' , and he could go out whenever he felt too cramped . And he started to realise that Sherlock never did , not really , come out looking normal when he 'd hidden himself away in those small spaces . There was almost always something off - his breathing would hitch , or he 'd snap at whoever was in the general vicinity with more vitriol than normal . It becomes similar to a routine , and it happens even when they 're out - if there 's another medic nearby , Sherlock will go to John first . First they 'll deal with the worst of it - " Sherlock , don 't move . No , I know it 's going to hurt , so don 't be a baby and deal with it . You could have ducked . " - and then there 'll be the minor things , the cuts and scratches and bruises that are bad enough to make life miserable for several days , and John knows Sherlock would complain endlessly if he just left them as they were - " Can I move now ? " " Yes , but only if you don 't jolt me while I 'm working on that hand of yours . " " How long is it going to take , then ? " " Don 't be impatient . It 's almost done , see ? " " … I 'm bored . " . But he wasn 't this time . This time , he just lay there , so limp , unresponsive , no life , not working . It wasn 't working . There was a word for when a healer could not heal their patient . One small , very specific word , but John didn 't want to admit to it . Not just yet . He 'd been able to do it all of those other times , so why not now ? Why not ? As John left the house - the crime scene , really - in Brixton , he looked around . Out after dark , and . . . oh , great . Just his luck it 'd be a full moon as well . " Oh . Right . " Well , there went that idea . He started to walk off , before turning back around , resigned . " Look , d ' you know where I could find a - " " My leg . " He gestured , and her eyes followed the movement before she took on a look of realisation , and told him both where he was , and where the nearest cab stop was . He thanked her , and started readying himself to walk away in that direction , before being stopped , this time as she 'd called over to him . " Look , if I were you ? I 'd be more cautious around Sherlock Holmes . You do know he doesn 't do this for the money , right ? He gets off on it . There 's something plain inhuman about him , something of the predator . And you know , at some point the hunt 's just not going to be enough , for him . There 'll be a body , all right . and it 'll be Sherlock Holmes who put it there . " The car ride hadn 't scared him , much as he was sure it had been meant to . He might only be human , but the woman sitting next to him seemed human enough too - even if she did seem to have some sort of thing for that phone of hers that suggested something more than just baseline human . He 'd bet anything the driver wasn 't fully normal , either - but neither of them intimidated him . " You know , I 've got a phone . Wonders of modern technology - not to say that what you did wasn 't clever . But you could just phone me . On my phone . " " When one is attempting to avoid the attention of Sherlock Holmes one learns to be discreet . Hence this place . Your leg must be hurting you - do sit down . " Sherlock - Sherlock Holmes ? That was the one he 'd agreed to flat share with . There couldn 't be another man with that kind of name , right ? " Shut up , " Sherlock was saying , and he was pretty sure it was directed at him . This time , he did . Then the man turned to Lestrade . " I 'm not your sniffer dog ! " That wasn 't a dog . It was a wolf . And it wasn 't even just that , either - it , or rather , he , was a werewolf . AN : Funny thing is ? I did the middle bit first , then the top , then the bottom . These , of course , should make the reasoning behind the AU title rather . . . obvious , really . The unit 's eyes whirred between wide - and close - range viewing . His optical receptors saw nothing new , still aimed in the same direction as they had been when he had just been booted up . He identified as ' male ' despite being ninety - five percent mechanical , as that was the gender of the ' body ' his central processing unit had been downloaded into . The rest of the batch were spread out in military lines to his front , back and sides . All of them wore the same nondescript t - shirt and trousers , the shirt being mainly for the use of the users , as their individual batch number was on each individual 's clothing , the same ' expression ' or lack of , on each and every one of them . He did not have to have seen their faces to know . His own face was similar . Having not received a mission , the personality core was still blank . Mission parameters could be anything from a simple human integration experiment to the assassination of an individual or individuals unknown with the possibility of final termination should the unit be discovered as non - human . Before a unit 's mission was decided and the personality core written onto , emotions were not necessary . Nor was curiosity . A pause . The tone used had been what could be called ' emotionless ' , however the unit questioned that . Humans were full of emotions . The theory therefore had to be that whichever emotion was being run currently , was being hidden . The emphasis on the term ' units ' was also of interest , and he filed it away for later perusal . " You 'd be right . This is the ' S ' batch - they 're all different , as you can see . That 's due to using varying heights and weights rather than one single template . And of course , then there are the skin grafts . . . " That would be the chief coordinator . Mr . Langdon Farefellow . The scientist , Dr . Ezekiel Kristoff , rarely said a word when not coerced . The few words he did speak were never about anything other than his work . The units themselves . " That would be the skin grafts - well , when I say skin . . . It 's really so much more than that . " The chief coordinator could always be trusted to find something to be proud about with the work he 'd done . And very rarely was there a chance to show this to another living being . " DNA taken from a living human being , while they were still alive . Yet for whatever reason - murder , accident or natural causes - they aren 't any more . None of the faces you see here should be recognised as machines , because the faces themselves really aren 't ! Or the rest of their skin - go on , touch one ! " " Completely logical , but they 're programmed to blend in . To integrate into human society - this means they can eat , drink , sleep . . . there 's a way for them to achieve everything . It 's simply remarkable , don 't you think ? " A creak of leather . A rustle of fabric . The third man was leaning back on his heels , before he started to walk forward again . Close , now . Possibly the first sign of the man 's wavering that evening . The third man was confident . Not desperate . Not greedy . Not swayed by their arguments . " What ? Oh , yes ! All of them can talk . Not much , but they can . There are always two options available to them - imitate the speech of a normal human being using their approximation of a voice box , situated in the throat , or digitally recreate the words they want to say using . . . " " Yes , yes . " Impatience . " I think I understand the theory . What I would like would be to see it in practice . If you don 't mind . " " Of - of course . " And now , one of them would be called upon . " Unit S - 516 . Username Farefellow , allow boot - up and normal running procedures . " It took a moment for him to adjust to his surroundings , the human users in front of him a change from the constant sight of the others in the batch . Langdon Farefellow was standing in front and to one side of him , and the scientist had put himself at the end of the line . But the one who had his attention completely was the one who was standing directly in front of him . The third man was not quite of the height that his body had given him , but did carry himself with a superior air . The object that had previously tapped against the floor was an umbrella . He had streamlined features and a sharp nose . His body suggested a bad diet and a lack of exercise , although his eyes - The third man 's mouth opened just wide enough for him to whisper something under his breath . One word . No more . No less . Obscure enough not to be understood immediately . Low enough not to have been heard by human hearing . " Username noted and stored . Nothing of the world is known until we are given a mission . Once the mission is complete , we are wiped and made ready for the next . Answer - recognition unsuccessful . " " Sherlock , I don 't like this , " said the boy in the knitted sweater . Sherlock rolled his eyes , and kept pushing through the brambles , ignoring any scratches - the best fun was after all not had without a few scratches , even though mummy would scold him for tearing his clothes , and said , " You 're boring . I don 't see why I let you come with me if you 're boring . " John scowled . " Because I 'm the only person who 'll choose to any more . " Sherlock paused for a moment . " Oh . Yeah . " They continued on for a bit , until suddenly there weren 't any brambles , and it was a lot softer underfoot , and suddenly , they could see someone 's feet . With a sinking feeling , the two boys looked up , and up , until they saw a face . A very familiar face . " Mummy ! " Sherlock , John realised , sounded for once very dismayed . Sherlock 's mother , in a beautiful dress and pointy ears just like Sherlock 's , was tutting . Likely about Sherlock 's clothes , maybe about the fact that she 'd brought John with him , but whatever it was , she always made John nervous . . . . AN : Another fic done for a three - sentence prompt , but this one couldn 't be contained by three sentences . I may end up doing more with half - fae Sherlock . And the idea of a half - fae KIDLOCK is ADORABLE . Time stood still . Everything else rushed by , or slowed down so far that he could touch the raindrops and watch them shatter . But everything else was nothing compared to the fact that the only other person moving around like all of this was normal was dressed in a familiar coat , that hair , that face , his friend . The world felt unreal , and this made it only ever more so - he 'd seen the man die , and yet there was not a scratch on him where there should be if he had . They met in the middle of the road , cars blurred , having been stopped mid - motion , no danger at all in where they stood , and surveyed each other with a critical eye - Sherlock more than he , and something seemed like that should catch his interest for some reason , but the dreamlike state of things made him put it to one side , forgotten . Instead , he took the necessary steps , and reached out with his arms , holding the detective there as the friend he hadn 't seen for so long , the same way he 'd have held Harry if he 'd thought he 'd lost her . Like he 'd never let go , because letting go meant losing again , and he couldn 't risk that . He could feel Sherlock not know precisely what to do at first , and he smiled - such a Sherlock thing , that - but eventually , the detective , his friend , returned the embrace . It was different , but at the same time , the same , along with the hesitance there being that feeling of impending loss . He stepped away - still touching , though , he had to be sure that this was real , had to be real - to see Sherlock smiling , and there was something sad there . " John , " he was saying , " John . " Clear , his voice was , like it was right next to his ear . " John , " yet so far away , so very , very far away . " You have to wake up now , John . " And wake up he did , imagining for one moment that he could still see that coat billowing in the wind as the ghost of his friend walked away as he sat up from the pavement , head spinning . . . . AN : Written in Tumblr as a response to a picture I saw . Post - Reichenbach , John is walking down the road when time stands still . He thinks he 's seLink is fic in context with the art that inspired it . Go look . It may make more sense that way . Plus , pretty art ! John had grown up quite a bit since wandering the woods with his half - fae friend , had grown up and grown taller and less of a child . Years had passed each time he left the human world for that of the faeries , though , and by now most of the people who he had grown up with had moved on , or passed away , while he was still a young man , older than he was but younger than he should be . When he was eighteen he became involved in the human - fae war , a war to turn rivers red with blood and slaughter hope . It had lasted for a hundred years , and his mates had wondered - how , they had asked , had he been able to stay so young - looking , while they grew old ? Some had friends in the fae , and some of those even defected , and some humans did the same , going over to the other side . John himself never fought for or against anyone . He was merely there , and healed , and lived , knowing that he was changed , for better or for worse , by his many years in the faerie lands . He was still human . He would tell anyone and everyone he met who asked , that he was human . But he was no longer mortal . Not quite the same as they were . By the time the war was over , at least for him , he was close enough to a hundred years older , but only looked as if he had aged by five . Instead of one hundred and eighteen , he instead appeared only twenty - three . He had suffered an honourable discharge , via an iron gunshot to the shoulder that had hurt like hell when it was in , and had given him a fever while they 'd taken it out . Apparently , he 'd been in and out of consciousness for several weeks afterwards . And so now he was back in England , home of one of the Faerie Crowns , and trying to find a place for himself once more when his magicks were sketchy and , though his arm had healed over perfectly well if over a long time once the iron was out , his leg had started to act up for no apparent reason . He had found himself a small place to rent , but after the Fae had invaded and taken him and turned him near enough into a changeling child , and after the war had shown him how muchActions |
I was lying under the tree in my parents ' backyard , an oak old enough to give shade but too young to be climbed , when Dad 's car pulled into the garage . All afternoon I 'd been riding bikes with Stacie , but we had a fight when she proposed we play in my basement - it was getting too hot out , but I was convinced she was only using me for my Barbies . This was eight years ago . I was nine and a half years old . In the kitchen Dad was embracing my mother , his arms around her small , apron - knotted waist . " I can 't believe it went through , " she was saying . She turned to me with shiny eyes , cleared her throat , and said in her sharp voice , " Mary , go get down the good glasses . " " Hold up your glass , Mary Ell , " said Dad . He filled it halfway , and theirs to the rim . When in the past I 'd been curious about alcohol , my parents had frowned , taken a drink , and feigned expressions of disgust . On New Year 's , for instance , my cup had held plain orange juice , and the next morning , while my parents still slept , I 'd had orange juice in it again . They clinked their glasses together , and mine met theirs dully , with a tap that brought an end to the pleasant ringing they 'd created . I brought the champagne to my lips . I found that , if ingested in small sips , it was quite drinkable , no worse than my mother 's Diet Coke , and it had the welcome effect of making me feel I was floating away . In a small voice I said , " Yes . " I tried to smile , but that feeling was in my stomach , made more fluttery by drink . I recognize the feeling now as a kind of knowledge . At the party I 'd been positioned , in scratchy lace tights and a crinoline - skirted dress , at the punch bowl to ladle mimosas for their guests . Many of their friends introduced themselves to me that night : Mr . Baker , Mr . Silverstein , Mr . Weir . Some bent to my height and shook my hand . Mr . Woodward scolded me for insufficiently filling his cup , and his young wife , Esmerelda , my former babysitter , led him away . Then I remembered . As I served other guests , he 'd lingered with a glass of sweating ice water , talking about his business . He directed his words to the entire room , looking out over it rather than at me , but he spoke quietly , so only I could hear . He offered figures : annual revenue , percentages , the number of loyal clients . And then : " My business is everything . It is my whole life . " I looked up at him curiously , and his face reddened ; his moustache twitched . When he finally left , patting my shoulder and thanking me for indulging him , I was relieved . I 'd had little to say in return - no adult had ever spoken to me that way - and I 'd felt the whole time , on the tip of my tongue , the remark that might have satisfied and gotten rid of him sooner . " That 's the good news , " Dad said . " He 's gone ahead and asked for your hand . And we 've agreed to it . " " Well , don 't be so excited , " said Dad . " Do you understand what I 'm saying ? You 're going to be a wife . You 're going to live with Mr . Middleton , and he 's going to take care of you , for the rest of your life . And , one day , when we 're very old , he 'll help out your mother and me , too . " Yep . " He smiled . " It 's all settled . Just signed the contract this afternoon . You 'll really like him , I think . Nice man . You seemed to like him at the party , anyhow . " " He was okay , " I managed . It was as I 'd feared , somewhere , all along : the toast , the party , everything . But now he had a face , and a name . Now it was real : my future was just the same as any other girl 's . Yet none of my friends had become wives yet , and it didn 't seem fair that I should be the first taken . For one thing , I was too skinny . They say men first look for strength in a wife . Next they look for beauty , and even with braces and glasses yet to come , I was a homely little girl . It 's last that men look for brains . You may notice that I skipped over wealth . While rumors of sex spread freely at school , it wasn 't clear to me then just how money fit in . It was discussed only in negotiations , when lawyers were present and we were not . It was best that way for our parents , who tried to keep such things separate . The next morning Stacie acted like our fight hadn 't happened , and I wanted to play along . We went to ride bikes while my mother showered . Dad 's car had left already for work , and he 'd dragged the garbage out to the curb . The champagne bottle poked from the recycling bin , ready to be taken away . It was another summer day . " Why not ? " I said , but I assumed , as did Stacie , that there 'd be a long period of engagement . In the fall we were to start the fifth grade , and it was rare for a girl still in elementary to be taken . When we reached Maple Court , we laid our bikes on the island and sprawled in the warm grass , making daisy chains from the flowering weeds . Stacie put her hand on my arm . It was rare for us to touch . " I mean , ever since my sister went to live with Mr . Gordon , she never plays with me anymore . When she comes over she just sits in the kitchen with my mom drinking tea . " She rolled her eyes . " They talk about recipes , and my mom gives her a frozen casserole that she pretends to Mr . Gordon she made by herself . " I hadn 't even been sure we were best friends , since during school she spent her time with ratty - haired Cassandra and I , in protest , with the studious Chan twins . But I remained solemn . Maybe she wasn 't using me . Besides , although I couldn 't really imagine what it would be like to be a wife , I knew I wouldn 't want to be stuck with Mr . Middleton all the time . I began to laugh . Stacie picked apart her chain and let the flowered weeds fall - she had a theory they could again take root . I wore mine around my wrist but lost it during the ride back . My mother was still in the bathroom , the mingled scent of her products floating out beneath the door . I refused to look at her , though I could feel her eyes on my face . " Yeah . I 'll go live with Mr . Middleton . I 'll have to make him dinner . " I nodded . I told my mother everything that Stacie had said . It made me proud that she was jealous , and I thought it would make my mother proud , too . " I 'm sorry to say , it 's really up to Mr . Middleton when , and if , you can play with your friends . And he may not appreciate you , still just a little girl , telling him to shave off his moustache . He 's had that thing for years . " She halted a creeping smile . " What I 'm trying to say is , you 'll belong to him . You 'll have to be very obedient - not that you haven 't always been a good girl . Your father and I are very proud of you . You get such good grades and stay out of trouble . " She paused , frowning . " I don 't think you realize just how lucky you are that Mr . Middleton has offered to take you . He 's a very successful man , and he 's made quite a generous offer , for little in return . " She patted my leg . " I don 't mean you , of course . Any man would be lucky to have you . But to be honest , I 'm not sure why he 's so eager to settle it . " " Wait . We 're not through . " She stood and approached the bookshelf . On days when I stayed home sick , I 'd lie on the couch and stare at that bookshelf . Each book 's spine , its title and design , suggested something of its story , and their order and arrangement seemed fixed , like the sequencing of photographs along the hallway wall : from my parents ' wedding - my mother thirteen and Dad twenty - seven - to the day of my birth to my fourth - grade class picture . But as my mother took out the Bible and a few romance paperbacks , I saw that behind them were more books , a whole hidden row ; the shelf was deeper than I 'd realized . She removed from hiding a slim volume called Your Womanly Body , its cover decorated in butterflies and soft - colored cut flowers blooming in vases . " This will tell you some of what you need to know about being a wife . I imagine Mr . Middleton won 't expect much from you at first . After all , you 're still very young . " I began to turn the pages : there were cartoons of short and tall and skinny and fat women , their breasts different sizes and weights , with varying colors and masses of hair between their legs . The pictures weren 't a shock to me . I 'd seen my mother naked before , and Stacie had confirmed that her own looked much the same . Once I 'd even seen Dad , when I surprised him by waiting outside the bathroom door for a Dixie cup of water late one night . " You 'll have a child someday , of course . But most people like to wait until they 're older and know each other better . I , for instance , had you when I was eighteen . By today 's standards , that 's still a little young . " It can be scary , at first . " My mother 's voice had turned soft , and she was staring out the window at the tree . " The important thing to remember is , even though he 's in charge , you can have some control . Pay close attention : what he wants the most may be very small , and you can wait out the rest . " I already knew there were ways to put off sex : some girls " sucked " their husbands " off , " others cried until left alone . And if a girl did become pregnant too soon , if it would be unseemly for her to keep the baby , I knew there were ways to get rid of it . But still , I 'd rather not think about all that before I had to face it . My mother was saying , " A man 's life is spent waiting and preparing for the right girl . It can be very lonely . In a way , girls have it easy - " " I was getting to that , Mary . You can be so impatient . " She lifted the book from my hands and turned to put it away . " You 'll be going to him in the fall . " The feeling was back my stomach , more of an ache now , and all I wanted was to curl up on the couch while my mother brought Jell - O and chicken - noodle soup . On sick days you could escape the movement of the world . It was always difficult to get back into it , to catch up on schoolwork and eat real food again , but this time I wasn 't sure I ever wanted to rejoin the world . " Of course , he 'll probably let you go back soon . He 'll want you to . That 's what Mr . Middleton told us - that he admired your mind . He said he could tell you 're a very bright girl . It became routine for Mr . Middleton to spend Sunday afternoons with us . At dawn my mother yanked open all the blinds , and the acrid smells of house cleaning began to fill the rooms . Even Dad was kept from sleeping in and given chores to do . I was ushered straight into the kitchen : " Do me one little favor , " she said . Once I had completed my mother 's " favor " ( " Umm , it smells sweet . " " Good ! That 's the honey . " ) , I snuck out while her back was turned . I was to be scrubbed " my pinkest " in the shower . She showed me how to use Q - tips to clean out my ears , to rub lotion over my skin , and to pluck the little hairs I hadn 't noticed before from between my eyebrows . She swore under her breath when she nicked me with the pink disposable razor - my legs slathered in a thick gel that smelled like baby powder . " Here , " she said . " You finish . " I was to wear " one of my prettiest dresses , " which meant that I rotated between the three in my closet . Their straps dug into my shoulders , their crinoline scratched my bare legs . The first Sunday my mother threw onto my bed a package from Sears . Inside were three training bras . I didn 't have anything resembling breasts , and when I finally did , years into my marriage , they were so small that I continued to wear the trainers for some time . My husband didn 't seem to care or know the difference . Every Sunday had the feel of a holiday - the boredom of waiting for the guest to arrive and the impatience of waiting for him to leave . Mr . Middleton always brought a bouquet of flowers , at the sight of which I was to feign surprise and gratitude . Every week , the same grocery - store assortment of wildflowers that smelled rank and bitter , like weeds . Mr . Middleton sat with my father in the living room while I trimmed and arranged the flowers in my mother 's crystal vase . She had me stir something or taste it for salt before nudging me back out to join them . Mr . Middleton would wear a full suit and tie , despite the fact that our house had no air conditioning . As the afternoon wore on , he would take off the suit jacket , loosen and remove the tie , roll up the sleeves of the dress shirt and , lastly , undo the shirt 's top button , revealing a tuft of dark , curly hair . The hair on his head was straight , and he 'd run a hand through it , slicking it back with his sweat . Dad , in a short - sleeved polo shirt and khaki shorts , would watch , smiling to himself . My shaven skin felt cool and smooth . I had to stop myself from running my hands along my legs as I sat listening to them talk " business . " Their tone was cordial , but they seemed to eye each other warily . I didn 't consider it then , but Dad was likely sensitive to the fact that while he had to report to a boss , Mr . Middleton was his own . In and out of the room bustled my mother . She refilled the pitcher of lemonade , replenished the dish of melting ice cubes , brought out bowls of mixed nuts and pretzels and onion dip . Before long , this became my job . I 'd stand before Mr . Middleton with a tray of pickles and olives . " Hmm , let 's see . " He 'd mull over the choices , select a pimento - stuffed green olive . I 'd turn to offer the tray to Dad , who had a penchant for sweet pickles , but then : " Please , wait just a moment - perhaps another . Hmm , let 's see . " And he 'd choose a kalamata . The metal tray was heavy , but my arms grew stronger , and I learned to balance it on my shoulder . Mr . Middleton rarely addressed me directly . Which is not to say he wasn 't speaking to me . " Profit margins " and " quarterly analyses " were discussed with glances and smiles in my direction . But he never asked what I thought , how I was doing , how I had spent my week . Adults , I knew , just liked to humor children , and ordinarily those questions tired me , causing me to clam up on the pretense of feeling shy . But in this situation it was disconcerting . After all , wasn 't Mr . Middleton supposed to like me ? What were we going to say to each other when we were , one day , inevitably , alone ? I knew I would be expected to say something ; wives , especially as they grew up , didn 't have to be invited to speak . They scolded their husbands for things they were doing wrong , or weren 't doing at all . They had stories to tell , of what had happened that day at the market , of the rude cashier and the unmarked price of the fresh loaf of bread . For then , I followed my mother 's advice the best I could . I wouldn 't speak unless spoken to . I sat up straight in the chair , didn 't complain if the food at dinner was strange , didn 't ask to turn on the television . I paid close attention to Mr . Middleton ; I focused on his moustache , the way it moved with his mouth , studied the shine of his gold watch , viewed the gradual stripping of clothing , the sweat gathering on his forehead and alongside his nose , where his glasses slid . I suppose I may have already been following my mother 's advice , but I don 't remember thinking so . I never liked to admit I was doing as she suggested . I preferred to credit my own volition . Mr . Middleton seemed to me older than my father , though he was almost a decade younger . Dad was strict , but he could be silly , wasn 't afraid to be lazy , and had been known to watch cartoons that even I found stupid . Mr . Middleton was too polite and too proper . He was boring in the way a robot would be : never leaving to go to the bathroom , never saying anything Dad disagreed with or found ridiculous . They would have had much to argue about - they do now - their strategies in business so different : Dad doting on his clients , trying to keep them pleased each step of the way , Mr . Middleton acting with cool aggression against their wishes , with the long run in mind , the biggest possible profit . I suppose we were all on our best behavior . By dinnertime the business talk had faltered , and the men punctuated their silence with compliments for the meal - something Dad never did when it was just the three of us . This was when my mother took over . " Thank you , " she might say . " Mary Ellen helped prepare that . " " Of course , " my mother said . " All I meant was , Mary is such a fast learner . Why , just the other day the sauce was starting to stick , and instead of letting it burn or calling me , she just turned down the burner and gave it a stir . How about that ? " The heat from the kitchen was creeping into the dining room , and a bead of sweat slipped down Mr . Middleton 's forehead . His top button , at that point , remained done . He offered nothing but another polite smile . Maliciously , I wanted , in front of everyone , to call attention to the couscous still in his moustache . " Right there , " I 'd interrupt , pointing to a spot above my own lip . This was something a wife could do , scold or embarrass her husband for his own good . But I knew I hadn 't earned it yet , and it would take years of waiting , quietly noting . Mr . Middleton seemed oblivious to my parents ' fears and cover - ups , but I 've come to see that he was not , nor was he too polite to lead the conversation elsewhere . I can look back now with some sympathy . I can see myself in him : he was determined to behave in the way that was expected , in the belief , often false but sometimes accurate , that this gave him some autonomy . And after all , he was getting what he wanted . One Saturday afternoon Mr . Middleton showed up while my parents were out . They were leaving me home alone more often in preparation for the days when I 'd be keeping house , with Mr . Middleton off at work . Usually I found myself frozen , unable to act as I would if my parents were around . I had a great fear of doing something wrong , either accidentally ( opening the door to a dangerous stranger or coming upon some matches , which would inadvertently scratch against something and become lit , igniting a raging fire ) or purposely , overcome by the thrill of risk . The only way to ensure this wouldn 't happen was to remain on the couch until they came back . At the sound of a knock at the door , I lifted a slat of blind and peered out at Mr . Middleton : no flowers in hand , no suit and tie . He wore blue jeans and sports sandals , a polo shirt like those Dad owned . His arms were covered in those dark , curly hairs . Through the peephole his nose was made long by the curved glass , and his moustache twitched nervously . It gave me a small thrill , making him wait . Just as he began to back away , I did as I should and opened the door . He looked down the block , both ways . It was quiet for a Saturday . Only Mrs . Calderón was out , pruning her blooming roses . She 'd recently explained to me that she had to cut them back so they could grow . Mr . Middleton smiled in her direction and entered the house . That was reasonable to me , but it seemed out of character for Mr . Middleton , who operated purely , I thought , on formality and routine . " Would you like a glass of iced tea with lemon ? " I asked . He wasn 't sitting , so I didn 't sit , unaware that I might have offered him a seat . The expression on his face was , as always , neutral , and he didn 't return my stare . I felt I was doing something grossly wrong - I was still unfit to be a wife , unable to handle company on my own . My mother would scold me if she knew I 'd received him in a T - shirt from last year 's spelling bee and purple shorts stained with Kool - Aid . He smiled and lowered himself to my height , his hands coming to rest on his knees . " Very well , thank you , " he said . " But today , you see , I was thinking of you . I thought you might like to show me your Barbies . " No adult had ever asked to see them , and , to my knowledge , they 'd never been mentioned in his presence . My mother allowed no visitors , other than my friends , into the basement . She had warned me that the Barbies would have to go when I went to Mr . Middleton . To head off my tears , Dad had added quietly that perhaps , for a while , they could leave them set up in the basement for when I came to visit . I watched for some sign in Mr . Middleton that he was joking or only humoring me , but he reached out a hairy arm and took my hand . His wasn 't sweaty , though the day was muggy and humid , and his skin was surprisingly soft . On the narrow stairway he didn 't let go ; my arm strained and pulled behind me as I led him into the basement . His knees cracked as he took the stairs . The basement was unfinished , just hard tiles , exposed beams and many - legged insects . Stacie complained about the centipedes , but they appeared less often than the spiders . Strips of sunlight came in through the windows along the driveway , where you could see feet pass on their way to the side door . Mr . Middleton dropped my hand and approached the Barbies ' houses slowly , as if in awe . The toys sprawled from one corner of the room to the other , threatening to take over even the laundry area ; the foldout couch , which I maintained took up valuable space , sometimes served as a mountain to which the Barbies took the camper . There was one real Barbie house , pink and plastic ; it had come with an elevator that would stick in the shaft , so I had converted the elevator to a bed . The other Barbie home was made of boxes and old bathroom rugs meant to designate rooms and divisions ; this was the one Stacie used for her family . The objects in the houses were a mixture of real Barbie toys and other adapted items : small beads served as food , my mother 's discarded tampon applicators were the legs of a cardboard table . On a Kleenex box my Barbie slept sideways , facing Ken 's back ; both were shirtless , her plastic breasts against him . Mr . Middleton asked about the construction and decoration of the rooms . He said he admired my reuse of materials . " A creative way to cut costs , " he noted . I blushed and only shook my head . Sometimes they lay entirely naked , as my parents slept . Sometimes Barbie slept on top of Ken , or vice versa . I hesitated , then picked up the dolls and put their arms around each other 's bodies in a rigid hug . I tilted Barbie 's head and pressed her face against Ken 's , as if they were kissing , and laid them back atop the Kleenex box . Mr . Middleton watched with his detached interest . I 'd never really thought about it that way . They were just doing what my parents and people on television did because they were married . But sometimes , when I was alone , it gave me that fluttery , almost sick feeling deep in my stomach , and I took the dolls apart . Mr . Middleton stood and turned away . He help up his wrist to the sun strip , examining his watch , for what seemed a long time . " Well , thank you for sharing them with me . But I should be on my way . " When I heard the front door close , I knelt in front of the Barbie house . It was difficult , as my Ken 's arms were straight , not bent like some , but I moved his arm so that it stroked Barbie 's back . I startled when my mother called from the top of the stairs . I hadn 't seen feet in the windows or heard a key in the door . I didn 't tell them that Mr . Middleton had been over , and the next day when he came for Sunday dinner he didn 't mention it either . It didn 't occur to me until years later that the whole thing might have been prearranged . I could find out now ; Mr . Middleton tells me anything I ask . He may tease , but he knows when to stop . It 's quite possible he 's even learned to fear me . For all his skill in the world of business , I think he understands less about the world without than I do . Once , paging together through pictures of dresses , she became so frustrated with me that she disappeared into the bathroom for almost an hour . Finally I knocked on the door . " Mommy ? I left it open to the one I like . " I heard water running , and when she came out she caught me around the shoulders and held me against her , my face nuzzling her stomach . " That 's my good girl , " she whispered above my head . One afternoon was spent sewing , another polishing silver . The cooking lessons took on new vigor , and she had me reducing wine - based sauces , braising meats , and chopping fresh herbs for most of the day . Dad would come home , see everything that had been set out on the table and everything that still simmered on the stove and roasted in the oven , throw his hands up in the air and say , " I don 't know how you expect us to consume all this , Donna . Maybe you could lay off her a bit . " But then he 'd sit down and attack the food with an appetite that had the air of duty , sighing and unbuttoning his pants for dessert . Stacie came over after school a couple of times a week , but she brought Cassandra ; the Chan twins had forsaken me , believing my imminent wifehood to have changed me already . With only two Barbie houses , Stacie , Cassandra , and I couldn 't play together fairly . Besides , I didn 't want Cassandra and her ratty hair anywhere near them . Instead we sat on the porch eating gingersnaps - just talking and not playing anything . Other girls who 'd been promised spent their time in this way . Cassandra wanted to hear about Mr . Middleton . She believed her parents to be sealing up a deal with a Mr . Crowley from the neighboring town . I recounted Mr . Middleton 's afternoon visit to sate her interest and swore them to secrecy . They didn 't seem particularly impressed or unnerved . I yearned for either response , to anchor my own . I didn 't know how to answer her . Unlike Stacie and me , Cassandra had always liked boys - but husbands were not like boys . I didn 't know how to make her understand what it was really like , but I also had the feeling that Cassandra would handle things much differently when it was her turn . I was thankful when Stacie changed the subject to school , with stories of pencils stolen from the teacher 's desk and guest story - readers , even though they made me both wistful and angry , and Stacie knew it . The night before the ceremony , my parents entertained their friends with chilled rosé wine and a CD of lulling , smooth jazz on repeat . My mother dusted my cheekbones with her dark blush and checked my back to make sure I wore a trainer . I was to greet guests at the door until everyone had arrived , and then Stacie and I could retreat to the basement to play Barbies together one last time . According to tradition , Mr . Middleton was not invited ; it was to be his last bachelor night alone . But Mr . Woodward and Esmerelda came , and Mr . Silverstein , and Stacie 's and Cassandra 's parents , eager to know how it had all been pulled off . Mr . Baker said , as if surprised , " You look very pretty tonight , Mary Ellen , " and then he and Mr . Weir stood together in the corner , shaking their heads . The Calderóns arrived last . Mr . Calderón was so old his eyes constantly watered , and he could barely speak or hear anything . Mrs . Calderón was a young grandmother , her braided hair still long and black . She bent to me and whispered , " You 're not getting cold feet now , are you dear ? " " I tried to run away from this one . " She winked at her husband , but his expression didn 't change . " But then , I always misbehaved . " In the basement , adult feet shifting above us , I understood that Mrs . Calderón had been saying that she knew me and that she understood . From tomorrow on , that would be me upstairs , like Esmerelda and even my mother , laughing a stupid laugh and making frequent trips to the bathroom , with an eye on my husband and his eye on me . Mrs . Calderón had issued me a playful dare and made no promises ; but if it was the last childlike thing I did , I would take her up on it . As I explained what I wanted to do , Stacie 's eyes began to gleam . At one point she took my hand . I felt close to her , until she said , " You won 't be married first after all ! " But still she was my confidante , my partner with her own stake . What we came up with wasn 't much of a plan , but we did identify the basic elements required in running away : a note , a lightly packed suitcase , and utter secrecy . My mother had already packed most of my clothes into a luggage set embroidered with my new initials , M . M . I removed the lightest bag from the pile by the side door and had Stacie sneak it back home with her . After slipping away , having deposited the note in a spot both clandestine and sure to be eventually discovered , I would call Stacie from a pay phone and have her meet me with the suitcase . For this purpose , I used my new skills to sew a quarter into the hem of my dress , which hung , long and white , like a ghost , outside my closet door . Beneath the covers with a flashlight that night , I composed the note to Mr . Middleton . I could not tell him , as they did in fantasy romance movies , that I had met someone else . What I wrote was this : I am sorry to leave you at the alter . You seem very nice but I can not be a wife . Please do not try to find me and please try to go on with your life . I thought it sounded quite grown - up and made running away on cold feet seem a serious and viable act . I wasn 't worried that we hadn 't decided where I would go . I didn 't consider then that I knew of no woman who was not a wife , that anyone I might turn to would turn me in , that breach of contract was serious business and punishable by law . I believed two things : that getting away would be the hardest part of the game , and that you could only plan as far as you could see . I don 't know if I believed that I would make it , but I believed that I would try . I might have left that very night , cutting Stacie 's ties to my venture , but I had a romantic notion of wearing that dress . I pictured kicking off the white patent - leather shoes to run faster , and the small train flailing behind me . I pictured that the dress would dirty as I ran ; it would rip and tear , and then I would know I was free . When we arrived at the chapel , I spied Mr . Middleton 's car in the parking lot . During a covert trip to the " potty , " I slipped the note beneath its windshield wipers . It had always made me laugh that my parents never noticed an advertisement attached in this way until they were driving . In the bride 's room , Dad , his eyes shiny and red - rimmed , was smoothing out the fold from the contract , to which my signature was to be added . " Why don 't you go sit down , Frank ? " my mother suggested , but she stayed with me , adjusting my dress and hairspraying my hot - roller curls , until the final moments . She hovered in the doorway . " You are wearing , aren 't you , all the things we talked about ? You remember how it goes ? Something old , something new , something borrowed , something blue , and a silver sixpence for your shoe ? " " I remembered , " I said , thinking of the sewn quarter . If I wasn 't careful to keep my skirt held as I walked , the coin hit the floor with the barest knock . " Mommy , can I have a few minutes alone ? This is a very big day for me . " She looked surprised , but her face softened . " Boy , kid , you really have grown up . " She kissed my cheek , then rubbed it furiously to remove any trace of lipstick . I felt sad , at that moment , to think that I would never see her again , and wondered if she would privately count me lucky or only be disappointed . The air outside smelled like a fall barbecue , charring corn and sausages . In the bright blue sky flew a V of birds . Just as I took a breath to run , I spotted Mr . Middleton across the lot next to his car . The collar of his tuxedo was misaligned ; he had skipped a buttonhole and set the whole thing off . Facing the sun , he held one hand to his face - to shield his eyes ? - and in the other was my note . His shoulders seemed to be shaking with laughter . Had he been about to run away himself when he came upon my note ? This possibility , however remote , might have been what led me to walk straight toward him , slowly , steadily , wholly of my own volition . I hate to believe , especially now , that it was as simple as holding to my nature ; that I was just a good girl who did always as she was told , without hope and without design . " Mary Ellen ? " he said . " You 're still here . " I saw as I came closer that he 'd actually been crying , not laughing ; a tear dropped from the left - side curl of his moustache . I thought of something Dad often said , when , much younger , I 'd get caught up in venturesome play with inevitable consequence : " It 's all fun and games , isn 't it , until someone gets hurt . " " I 'm still here , " I said . I raised my arms to indicate I should be lifted and let Mr . Middleton cradle me against his chest . I felt his wildly beating heart , and he began to stroke my hair as if I needed calming down . But my stomach felt only the faintest rumble of hunger , an emptiness . I knew that I had done the right thing , the only thing I could , but still , I felt foolish . If I were really as smart as everyone believed , I would never have found myself in this situation , with a ridiculous man I was obligated to care for . My escape would have been better planned and better executed . He would never have taken an interest in the first place . " What ? " I struggled to sit up in his arms , impatient suddenly , and restless . I wanted to go inside , where everyone was waiting , and get it over with . I stared through his windshield at the tan leather seats , sculpted to hug a body as the vehicle took the curves . I saw where the top would fold down . This car would take me to my new home . " You do understand , don 't you , that the deal is irrevocable ? If you were to run off , your parents would owe me a great deal of money . They could never hope to come out of debt . " I knew that was a threat , and thought less of him for it . But then he said something I look back on now as the beginning of my new understanding of my life . " I 'm yours , Mary Ellen , and if you stay , all that is mine will be yours , too . " As I signed the contract , my eyes slid down the page , its tiny print in a formal , inscrutable language . The sum my parents had provided to Mr . Middleton seemed enormous , though I know it now to be less than the cost of my childhood home and much less than the worth of Mr . Middleton 's company . Men who 'd planned poorly would seek a much larger dowry and might suffer for it in their choice of wives . But it was our parents , always looking toward the future , who put money first . The dowry , like a child that would grow , was ultimately an investment . Mr . Middleton has kept my note folded in his sock drawer , and for years he has teased me for having misspelled " altar . " Putting away his clean laundry , I look at it sometimes , not with wistfulness or shame , but because I want to remember . The contract itself is in a safety - deposit box ; I 'll receive a key for my eighteenth birthday , a day now close in sight . The Barbies , of course , are long gone . Dad succeeded in overriding my mother , and the toys stayed in the basement a year into my marriage . But I rarely played with them - they seemed to have lost their allure , and I never knew what they wanted to do or say or wear . Stacie still hadn 't been promised , and I offered them to her , but she pretended not to be interested . She and Cassandra were thick as thieves then . " Save them for your kids , " she said , and we couldn 't help but dissolve into panicked laughter . By the time she was taken , at age fourteen , she was serious about having children . It is her husband who insists they wait . If we see each other now at the market , grocery baskets in hand , we merely nod in greeting . We have so little in common . Mr . Middleton has made me apprentice to his business , which he says one day when he is dead , I will take over . Even if - and the decision to have children is entirely up to me , he says - one day we have a son . This is highly unusual and very progressive , Dad has told me . He patted my head and told me he was proud . I looked for something like greed or jealousy in his eyes , but found only love . My mother admitted , over afternoon tea , that she wishes Dad had done something similar for her . As far as I can see , he long ago reached his height on the ladder . What could he have done for her ? Visiting is difficult because , although they think they act differently , my parents still treat me like a child , a newlywed bride . They don 't recognize what I 've become , but they won 't argue when the time comes to face it , when Dad retires and I , with Mr . Middleton 's money , am in charge of them . Their investment in me will have its rewards . I want the best for them , as they 've managed for me . After a morning spent at home with my private tutor , Ms . Dundee - whose husband succumbed when she was much younger and much prettier ( she says ) to a condition she won 't speak of - I change into a navy skirt and Peter Pan - collared blouse , hop on my bike and head to the office . Mr . Middleton has given me a fine car , of course , but I normally prefer the exercise . So far I just prepare after - lunch coffee and bring it in on a tray , each cup made to the preference of each board member . Mr . Middleton sits at the head of the table . His moustache , after all these years , remains ; he would shave it if I asked , but I suspect that issuing that demand would expose me somehow . Once situated beside him , I 'm encouraged to listen in and , if so inclined , take notes . But it 's the quiet power struggle that interests me , the way his inferiors look at him and how they cover their desires with neutral jargon , loyal reports . He takes for granted , I think , the way things are now . " You 've learned a lot so far from just watching and listening , " he says to me , winking , as I take out my pad of paper . I turn away and roll my eyes : he believes we 're always in on some joke . This one is meant to be in reference to the nights I join him in his bedroom , on the floor above mine . Mostly I just lie there while he touches my hair or my back , as he once demonstrated with the doll . He has mentioned in those moments love , and a feeling of fulfillment . For him they may be the same thing . Yet even with me around , taking care of things , I sense he 's still a lonely man . I feel guilty sometimes , offering so little reimbursement for his attentions , though he receives more pleasure from them than I do , and I 've made attempts to do for him what other girls and young wives have described . Now I believe that the hardest part of the game is staying in it , holding on to your stake . And that you can 't plan too far into the future . I 've taken this down in my notes : The benefits mature with time . I 've begun to appreciate just how much work parents invest in their children , and wives in their husbands ; it 's only fair for the investor to become a beneficiary . Katie Chase 's first published story , " Man and Wife , " was selected from The Missouri Review for Best American Short Stories 2008 and a Pushcart Prize . Her fiction has since appeared in Five Chapters , Narrative , Prairie Schooner , and the anthology Keeping the Wolves at Bay . A graduate of the Iowa Writer 's Workshop , she was the recipient of a Teaching - Writing Fellowship , a Provost 's Postgraduate Writing Fellowship , and a Michener - Copernicus Award . She has also been a fellow of the Martha Heasley Cox Center for Steinbeck Studies at San Jose State University . She grew up near Detroit . |
I have BIG news ! You know how I 've been so utterly exhausted I couldn 't think straight and was grumpy most of the time ? You know how this was because I was still getting up in the middle of the night , preparing a bottle , feeding it to Miss A . , and then holding her upright for 10 - 15 minutes so her reflux wouldn 't bother her ? You know how I was always asking parents and health professionals for tips on how to get Anastasia to take her bottle while actually awake ? You know how I 've been praying for months that we 'd find a way to end night feedings so I could get some rest ? Well this Saturday I didn 't give Miss A . her midnight bottle . I accidentally slept through the night . So , first thing in the morning , I gave her a bottle . She only took three ounces , but hey ! That was a lot more than she usually takes while awake . Then , after her nap , I gave her another bottle . This time she took four ounces . This means she entirely made up for the bottle she missed in the middle of the night ! We did the same routine on Sunday , and are continuing with it today . Anastasia is consistently taking the same amount from her bottles . . . and I 'm beginning to feel a bit more like my old self ! Miss A . also seems more rested . It 's not like I haven 't tried this routine before , mind you . But on Saturday , Anastasia met a 13 month old who was running around everywhere . . . and periodically drinking from a bottle . It never occurred to me before , but I don 't think Anastasia has ever seen a child drink from a bottle ! And now , when I give her the morning and afternoon bottle , she is holding it herself . . . That 's a first ! The visit with the 13 month old was great all the way around . Miss A . was fascinated to see the baby moving everywhere , with no caution at all . Several times the little baby toddled over to Anastasia and gave her a big hug ( nearly knocking the two of them to the ground ) . When Miss A . got over her shyness , she tried to love on the baby , too . She doesn 't give hugs per se . . . She just leans toward the person or animal and lays her face on them with a little cooing " Mmmm " sound . But the baby wouldn 't hold still long enough for Anastasia to give her a proper love : ) Daddy got in the pool first , to show her how fun it was , but when he lifted Miss A . into it , she cried and clung to him for dear life . She reacts almost as badly to baths these days . In the tub , though , giving her a cup and spoon usually makes it all better . You can see we tried that in the pool , too . Ah well . She looked darn cute in her bathing suit , anyway . I also wanted to update you on Anastasia 's medications . She 's still taking Prevacid for reflux . Once in a while , I forget to give it to her . A few weeks ago , I forgot two days in a row . . . yet she showed no signs of reflux . So I decided I should see if she 'd outgrown the need for the prescription . But on the third day , she visibly started refluxing . So back on the Prevacid she went . She 's also been on Miralax for constipation for about a month now . At first , I thought there was no way it would work because it requires her to drink four ounces of fluid ( mixed with the medicine ) in a relatively short period of time . It can 't be put in milk or Pediasure ; it must be juice or water . But apparently , even though she rarely takes that full four ounces , she 's getting enough to have an affect . She has gone from having a bowel movement every four days ( with the help of an enema ) to having a BM every other day - with no help but the daily Miralax . And whereas BMs were painful for her in the past , always accompanied by tears and crying , now Anastasia just gets a surprised look for a few seconds . . . and it 's over . May I ask you to pray about something , if you feel so moved ? While Anastasia drank wonderfully from her bottles for about three days , yesterday she took a very minimal amount , and this morning she only took one ounce from her bottle . She hasn 't had her second bottle yet , and while she could potentially make up for drinking poorly this morning , it probably isn 't likely . I can 't tell you how upsetting this is to me . Of course I will do anything I need to do in order to make sure Miss A . thrives , but I was really just beginning to feel like myself again . I honestly haven 't felt well since I first learned I was pregnant with Anastasia . . . yet suddenly , when I was allowed to sleep through the night , I was feeling so much better . Yesterday , I told my in - laws yesterday that I thought I was on the verge of having hallucinations due to sleep deprivation . . . but actually , I think I 'd already had one hallucination . One morning when I picked up the mail , I thought I saw a package I 'd been waiting for . But by the time I brought the mail inside the house , I couldn 't find it . I thought I 'd lost it somewhere ; I retraced my steps several times , but couldn 't find it . Then I checked the garbage , thinking I threw it out with the junk mail . I went through the can three times . I couldn 't imagine what I had done with the package , and I felt like a fool for loosing it . Then , two days later , the package arrived at my doorstep . I 'd imagined it all . In other news , I got the second of my chicken pox vaccinations . The RN who gave it to me said I might not have a reaction this time . . . but already I have a huge , painful , red hot spot on my arm . It probably didn 't help that before I got the shot , I had hives . I 've had them for about a week now , but I have no idea what they are from . The first night , as I tried to think what I may have been exposed to that was different , I figured the banana nut muffin I 'd eaten that day was the culprit . This sent me ( with a flashlight ) into Anastasia 's nursery to check her out , since she 'd eaten some of the muffin , too . Fortunately , she was just fine . When the hives persisted , I thought maybe the new brand of sunscreen I was using was to blame . I stopped using sunscreen , and the hives continued . I tried cutting other things from my diet , but nothing seemed to make a difference . I do notice they are worse when I 'm outside more . After so long cooped up in the house , am I allergic to the sun ? ? Ha ha ! Possibly , it 's a reaction to grass pollen , which is high right now . . . but I have none of the more common symptoms , like a stuffy nose . Miss A . continues to mature by leaps and bounds . She is now walking backwards with ease , and readily points to her bellybutton , toes , and feet when asked . She has more trouble indicating her nose , mouth , eyes , and ears , but will sometimes get them right if she 's pointing to someone else . If I ask her to point out certain animals in books , she gets most of those right , too . Back in January of this year , I told you about a hat I 'd knit Anastasia while I was on bed rest . Of course , once she grew into it , she wouldn 't wear it . Every time I 'd put it on her , she 'd rip it off . Well , as I was sorting through wintery clothes last week , Miss A . ran across that same knitted hat . And what did she do with it ? She put it right on her head , and wore it all around the house ! I had to get a photo of that . . . but she was not in the mood to sit still . Thus , the blurry image . : ) Last night hubby and I went on our first date in about a year 's time . We really haven 't had much time alone together for a very long time , so it was a welcome reprieve . We were a little unsure how this would go over with Miss A . I asked a trusted friend ( who 's the mommy of a boy Anastasia 's age and also has years of experience working professionally with kids ) to watch her at our house . I hoped it would be an easy deal : Anastasia was already fed and changed into her pajamas . My friend just had to keep her happy for about an hour , then put her to bed . The rest of the evening , my friend could read or watch TV . Yet Anastasia hadn 't seen this person since she was quite little . How would she react to being left with her ? Happily , we were able to arrange a meet and greet the day before . Anastasia spent nearly an hour getting to know her babysitter ( she warmed up to her pretty quickly ) , and then got to spend some time playing with her son . When the little boy first saw Miss A . , he hurried to her and hugged her , almost knocking her over . Later , he tried to force feed her a cookie , and then he stuck his finger up her nose ( ! ) . It was a great experience . The next day , I told Anastasia many times that my friend was going to come over " to play with her . " Later in the afternoon , I added : " She 'll put you to bed tonight . But mommy will give you your bottles . " So I like to think Anastasia had a clue what was going on . When my friend showed up for the evening , Miss A . hid behind my leg a little , but she clearly recognized her babysitter . Then Alexei and I left without any fanfare . I gave Anastasia and hug and a kiss and said : " Bye bye . Have fun playing . " We didn 't hear any screams as we walked out the door . When we returned from our date , my friend said Anastasia was " so easy ! " She cried no more than a minute after we left , then the two played peek - a - boo . Miss A . would scurry around a corner and peek behind it at her babysitter , then laugh and laugh . Later , my friend read the same book to her about five times over . Then she put Anastasia in her crib . And that was that . We were so relieved Anastasia took it all so well . What a good experience for her . And how great for us to be able to get away a little ! Now we 're preparing to go on an anniversary trip . We 'll be taking my in - law 's trailer . Part of the time , we 'll stay at their home and enjoy local sites . But Anastasia will stay with them two days and one night as Alexei and I travel to the place where we spent our honeymoon . By Sunday , we 'll be back at my in - law 's to celebrate Father 's Day , and that night , we 'll be home . By the way , I 'm feeding Anastasia at night again . She took about two ounces on the 6th ( the last day I gave her daytime bottles ) ; no where near enough ! At first , I was pretty upset at the thought of getting up nights again with her . I cried . Then I released all those negative thoughts , and thanked God that I got to sleep through the night four nights in a row . Alexei and I also came to a deal where he 'll get up with Miss A . at least once a week to give me a break . A couple of you asked why I couldn 't just stop giving her bottles altogether . Wouldn 't giving her more solids make up for it ? Unfortunately , that won 't work for two reasons : 1 . Anastasia doesn 't get much in the way of fluids during the day , and 2 . She doesn 't get enough calcium from solid foods to make up for missing bottles of milk or Pediasure . Anastasia loves walking in the ( unfenced ) front yard and on the sidewalk , but I constantly tell her she 's not allowed to do so unless she 's holding mommy or daddy 's hand . Yesterday she was playing in the back yard while I watered plants . I could see she was anxious to go in the front yard , so I tried to get her to help me water . She wasn 't interested . So I promised her that as soon as I was done , we 'd go into the front yard . Well , perhaps a minute later , I see her walking toward the front yard on her own . " No ! Stop ! " I yelled . She stopped dead in her tracks . " You know you 're not allowed to go in the front yard without holding mama 's hand . Get back here right now . " Anastasia 's eyes lit up with the thought ; she walked over to her sandals , picked them up , and headed for the cat , who laying on the other side of the room . Miss A . then carefully placed both sandals on his back . " Oh , very good , " I said . " Now why don 't you put the sandals on his feet ? " We had a good time on our trip , and Anastasia got to experience a lot of things . First , she loved being in the trailer . This chair was her favorite spot : We didn 't have a play pen or crib that would fit in the trailer , so Anastasia slept on the floor . I thought this was going to be a big hassle . How was I going to get her to stay put ? But the first night I put her down on the floor to sleep and she popped up ready to walk around , I said : " No , it 's time to go to sleep . Lay down . " I laid her back down and walked away . Less than a minute later , she was up again , but this time all I had to say was : " Lay down , Anastasia . " And she did ! She was asleep moments later . She had a grand ol ' time with her little cousins . . . sometimes to their chagrin . The 2 1 / 2 year old really didn 't like the fact that Anastasia was following him around everywhere . He kept stretching out his arms to block her from toys . " Not for you ! " he 'd say . But Anastasia would just point and laugh at him . When the poor boy finally got down for a nap , Miss A . wanted him to play instead . She kept dropping a toy train on him , and when he didn 't wake up , she hugged him repeatedly . Miss A . also spent her first night away from us . We left her with my in - laws for two days and one night . I explained to her : " You 're going to stay here and play with grandma and grandpa . Mommy and daddy will be back tomorrow . " She knew what I was saying , because she got clingy , and cried when I handed her to grandma . Fortunately , her tears didn 't last long . My mom - in - law says she did really well , although twice that first day she pointed to the door and waved bye bye . . . long after we were gone . Anastasia also got to experience the beach for the first time . She loved all the sand , found several shells , and seemed to enjoy watching the waves . ( We didn 't put her in the water , though . ) She would have liked to spend more time at the beach I think , but even with a jacket on , she started turning blue . . . then her whole body began to shake . She doesn 't have much fat to insulate her against the cold ! We are working on whining . Anastasia has recently developed the habit of whining when she wants something ( especially if she 's tired ) . I 've used various tactics to stop this habit , but mostly I tell Miss A . : " Use your words . I don 't know what you want . If you use your words , I will know . . . If you use words , it will be much easier for you . And for everyone ! " She usually nods her head in agreement , but so far , no luck getting her to say what she wants . Anastasia is still reeling from our weekend trip , too . Beginning Sunday and lasting through Tuesday , she was sometimes crawling around . It was surprising to see , since she hasn 't crawled in quite some time . I know that sometimes children revert to earlier stages when there have been uneasy changes in their life ; perhaps this is why she was crawling . Or , maybe she was just plain tired . When she 's very fatigued , she has trouble walking . She 's been sleeping a bit more than usual , also . But mostly , she just seems more engaged with the world . For example , I 've been trying to get her to walk up the steps to the slide at the park for a while now . ( With my help , of course . ) Before our trip , she would shake her head " no " and refuse to even go up the first step . Yet yesterday , she climbed all the steps eagerly . This morning , she was hungry before breakfast time . Normally , if that happened ( it would be rare ! ) she 'd just whine until I offered her some food . But instead , she stretched high and pulled a box of cereal bars off the counter . She opened the box , pulled out a bar in its wrapper , and handed it to me . I opened it for her , and she ate the whole thing . Sometimes we get strange looks from the parents of other kids in the park . Lots of children much smaller than Miss A . are running all over the place and playing without help . But Anastasia still needs my help for a lot of things , and instead of inviting herself to play with other kids , she usually hangs back and watches them from a bit of a distance . I 'm sure some parents think I 'm overbearing , or that something must be wrong with Anastasia . Usually , I don 't try to explain to people that she was born 3 1 / 2 months early and therefore is a little behind developmentally . ( Most people don 't seem to understand why prematurity leads to developmental delays , anyway . . . ) Mostly , I just smile boldly at parents giving us odd looks . . . and they turn away , a little embarrassed . Then , as more kids began trickling into the park , we headed for the slide . At first , all she wanted to do was stand and watch the other kids . A friend took her 11 month old down the smallest of the slides , and when I commented on how well he did , another mom asked our kids ' ages . This lady 's own child couldn 't have been even a year old , but he was walking all over the place , climbing stairs , and going down the small slide all by himself . I take this sort of thing in stride . I 've never understood the whole competitive mom thing , anyway . But I know many moms of preemies who go home crying , thinking their child is being judged because he or she is behind developmentally . Anyway , Anastasia climbed the stairs to the slide repeatedly . They 're pretty deep , so she needs quite a bit of help . The great thing is that she tries to do it all by herself , pulling herself up with the hand rails . Once she was up the stairs , I 'd plop her down at the top of the slide , run down the stairs , and stand off to one side of the slide as I held her and she slid down . The faster she went , the more she laughed . Finally , she climbed all the way to the top of the play gym and got herself in position to go down a bigger slide . " Are you sure ? " I asked . Anastasia laughed . Since there was no way for me to stand to the side of this slide and hold her as she went down , I hesitated . But these are the modern , ultra - safe plastic slides . She wasn 't going to go flying off the thing . So I released her , and let her go down by herself . Her eyes got big and she whined just once before I managed to run down the stairs and get to the bottom of the slide . But when I got there , she was sitting on the end of the slide , doing just fine . What a big girl ! In desperation , I posted an open question to the two preemie - related groups I belong to online . Surely , I thought , we aren 't the only ones who have a near 2 year old who still needs dream feeds . Surely someone else has gone through this and can offer advice on changing habits away from midnight feedings ? Mostly , my fellow parents of preemies were mute . Some offered ideas that we 've already tried . Many suggested feeding her ice cream . . . I had to tell them that my child is one of those strange human beings who doesn 't seem to like it ! A great many parents felt Anastasia was getting tons of Pediasure compared to their own children , and I should just cut the midnight feeding for everyone 's well - being . Someone suggested asking if there 's a supplement Anastasia could take for calcium . One person also suggested freezing Pediasure and shaving off pieces as snacks . I doubt Miss A . will like that last idea ( she seems to dislike anything that 's frozen ) , but I 'm going to give it a try . In the meantime , Anastasia is getting soooooo big ! She understands pretty much everything we say ( time to start watching your mouth , daddy ! ) , and follows directions very well . ( It 's time to start teaching her to put away her toys ! ) She 's also in to everything . ( That 's my excuse for having a messy house . ) She 's pushing and turning buttons on every gadget in the house , and is trying to learn to sing " Baa Baa Black Sheep . " ( Mostly she gets stuck on the word " baa , " though . ) She 's primarily talking with her mouth shut still , but we can understand some of what she says . For example , she says " all done " ( with her mouth shut , mind you ) when she 's done with a meal . " Uh - oh ! " is one of the few things she says with her mouth open . She 's started to say it every time the phone rings , which makes me realize I was often saying : " Uh - oh ! I better go answer the phone ! " Anastasia also says " thank you " and " your welcome " ( or sometimes " welcome " ) quite a bit . The responses I 've had from other parents of preemies have been thought - provoking . Most were truly shocked that I was giving dream feeds to a near - 2 year old who doesn 't wake up in the middle of the night hungry . In the nicest possible way , they told me I was nuts . They pointed out that by continuing with the midnight feed I was : 1 . Disrupting Anastasia 's sleep and therefore causing her some sleep deprivation . ( I already know from past experience that when I don 't give her that midnight feed she does seem more rested during the day . ) It actually reminds me of when I was struggling with my milk supply . I did everything possible to keep my milk supply up , until I was really going a bit crazy . ( Mostly due to the Reglan I was taking to boost my milk supply . ) When I finally made the decision to stop pumping for milk , it was such a relief . And Anastasia was none the worse for it . The sky didn 't come crashing down . I 'll watch closely to make sure Anastasia continues to have plenty of wet diapers ( a sign that she 's not dehydrated ) . And I will ask the feeding clinic folks for a calcium supplement . I 'll go back to the midnight feeding only if Anastasia becomes dehydrated and there seems no other way around it . I 'll also keep giving her one dream feed , right before I go to bed . Anastasia is starting to get adventuresome at the park . Today , for the first time , she walked away from me to explore . And she thought she might try to climb this . . . Sleeping through the night is still not happening . It 's not that Anastasia wants her bottle ; it 's that she 's going through some terrible teething . She wakes up every night crying fitfully , and I get up and give her some Tylenol and Orajel ; she hates the taste of the latter , but within ten minutes or so , she 's able to go back to sleep . Poor little dear . During the day , things are going pretty darn well , though . We just had a stellar morning at the park . Anastasia still tends to hang back and observe more than she plays , but she 's gradually getting more enthusiastic about joining in on the fun . There is one seven year old girl who 's taken Anastasia under her wing . Today she wanted to let Anastasia sit on her lap while she went down the toddler slide . Very sweet . Later , when another little girl thought Anastasia was getting too close and said to the seven year old : " What 's she doing here ? " The 7 year old replied : " She 's my friend . " I wanted to kiss her : ) Earlier in the week a two year old boy pushed Anastasia to the ground . ( I think he thought Miss A . wanted his toy . ) Anastasia didn 't cry . . . She just looked confused . The boy 's mother made him apologize , and afterwards , he was pretty friendly . That same day , Anastasia had her first big tumble at the park . She wanted to go down a tiny step from the pavement to the rubber mulch near the slide . Figuring this was a perfect time to let her try stepping down on her own ( since the rubber wasn 't going to hurt her ) , I let her do as she pleased . She took quite a tumble , then lay on her side in the mulch a few seconds before saying " Uh oh ! " Then she picked herself up . Yesterday , Anastasia saw a boy smaller than her climbing up some steps on the bigger - kid play gym . She tried to follow him , but got scared on the first step and refused to go any further . But today , she went up those stairs ( with lots of help from me ) twice , then roamed up and down the stairs on the bigger kid gym several times . . . even going down steps ( again , with lots of help from me ) . By the end of our stay , she was climbing the toddler stairs by herself ( using the hand rail ) and going down the preschool slide by herself , too . She 's also a pro at the toddler swings ( which have a back rest , but nothing in front to hold the child in place ) . Anastasia also got up close and personal with a dog for the first time . An acquaintance of ours brought his big , super - kid - friendly lab to the park . He must do it often , because all the little ones ran to the dog immediately . Anastasia was thrilled to see the dog coming , but didn 't want to get too close . She blew it kisses from a distance . I told her that if Mommy or Daddy goes with her to see a dog , it 's okay to pet it . Then I picked her up , held her , and showed her how to pet the dog . Then I could hardly get her away from the beast ! |
As crazy as I was about Landon , I just knew the entire time that we were not right for each other AT ALL . I mean , take a look at how our relationship started . He was dating my teammate when we first exchanged numbers . When we first " got together , " we lied about the relationship . It took him demanding affection from me in order to go public with the relationship . We both should have known when we had to lie that it was a bad idea . But still , for some reason , we decided to truck on and attempt to have a good relationship . Like I have said , and preached , and will still continue to preach until the day I die , sex changes everything . After Landon and I had sex , our relationship started to steadily decline . He wanted sex a little more often than I did ( we actually did not have sex again while we were together ) , and I was starting to doubt my feelings for him even more . It didn 't help that James * started to come around a little more . You see , while Landon and I were trying to pretend we were very happy together , James started seeing that girl that got in the car wreck . They seemed very happy together , and because I was so madly in love with him , I was happy for him . I just wanted to see him happy . That is all . But somewhere along the way , there was trouble in paradise for them . I didn 't know it at the time , but they ended things . I didn 't know why or what exactly happened , but because they had broken up , he started coming around me a little more , even thought it meant he had to be around both Landon and I . James never told me that him an his girl had ended things . He just kind of showed up . Then came my school 's fall break . James played football , and I decided to stay the break with my best girl friend at the time , who just so happened to be a manager for the football team . So she and I stayed up way too late the night before the game , and then got up super early the morning of for the community breakfast . After Landon * put his foot down about our relationship , I felt like I was on cloud nine . He was always very supportive of me , and never had any problem sowing me that he cared about me . He would hold my hand and put his arm around me during lunch , visit me between every class period , text me first thing in the morning , and call me every night . All in all he was a wonderful catch . He and I would go to all the high school football games together . In all honesty , I don 't remember a whole lot about our relationship . I just remember that when it all began , I was very happy . We would joke around a lot , and we hardly ever took ourselves serious . It was the perfect high school relationship . Or so I thought . You see , the whole thing about our relationship was that even though he was great to me , I still had the hardest time being over James * . I thought I was crazy because that good friend girl James had ? She had been updating her blog about how things were going great between them . So it kind of hurt me that he didn 't want a relationship because of baseball , but he was okay with being in a relationship with her . That happens with high school relationships . As the season was changing from fall to winter , my sports seasons were changing as well . I was pitching the best I had ever pitched in my senior season , and batting a whole lot better than I ever had before , thanks to James ' father working with me all summer long . My batting still wasn 't anything to talk about , but I actually got hits that season . Then the end of the season snuck up on me , and playoffs started . As a senior , I knew my last days of playing were coming closer and closer . It stressed me out big time . I took out my frustration on a lot of my friends and family . But no matter how frustrated I was or how bitchy I was to Landon , he never let it get to him . He would just kind of hold me down and tell me I was crazy . Then , my final game came . We were matched up against another team who had several power hitters . You see , my team was awesome at defense , but we struggled offensively . Not just me , but a lot of us . So when their 4 - hole hit a 3 - run home run in the bottom of the 5th , we pretty much knew we were done . As much as I hated playing softball , I was completely miserable about having played my last game . Landon was there after the game to console me , drove me ( crying ) the whole way to the football game that evening , and then after the game we went back to his house to watch a couple movies while I calmed down . I fell asleep crying . The next thing I know , I wake up to him poking me in the back . The next thing I know , he 's on top of me and we 're having sex . . . . and I was taking his virginity . It was like 1 a . m . , and I was surprised that I hadn 't been called to ask where I was yet ( even though I was a senior in high school , I still had a midnight curfew ) . It didn 't last very long , and afterwards I felt like a complete jackass for letting it happen . See the thing about it was that he wanted it to happen , but I was still unsure of my feelings for him . And I knew from my last relationship that sex makes things very complicated . I didn 't want it to be like that between Landon and I , and the way it happened was awful . It should not have happened . Period . So my senior softball season started a few weeks before classes actually started , and Landon * was at every single one of my games . James * would show up to about one every 3 or 4 . By all the definitions , Landon should have been the object of all my affections . For the most part he was . But then James would come along and sweet talk his way into my life for just a second , and it would have me doubting any feelings I had for Landon . . . So school started , and on my first day of my senior year , Landon and I would sneak glances at each other in the halls all day . Then lunch came and I sat with my normal lunch crew , and Landon went with his normal lunch crew . Which meant I was sitting with James , and he was sitting across the room watching us . Immediately after school , I had a softball game , which he came to . And James did not . So after the game , Landon called me , and told me that he either wanted to let everyone know we were together , or we had to end it . Now as I 've told you , he was amazingly supportive in more ways than I could have ever imagined . I was being completely selfish about the entire situation , so I agreed to let the whole school know we were together . ( This is way before facebook was so popular , so there was no " making it facebook official . " ) So the next day , Landon and I sat together at lunch and held hands , letting the whole world know that we were together . At the time , I tried to embrace it . But even though I was loving the attention I was getting from Landon , I still felt like a part of me wanted to be with James . But more on that later . After school that day , everyone was talking about Landon and I . Asking when Landon and I started hanging out and such . Such is life in a small town . So I spilled my guts to everyone . I was glad that I got the relief from seeing James * on a regular basis with the summer break . I was super crazy about him , and the daily lunch breaks with him sitting across from me was absolutely torture . So I welcomed summer break with open arms . Like I mentioned back in this post about NYE my junior year , Fiona * used my phone to talk to her boyfriend Landon * . Landon and I also played basketball together , so he and I got along pretty well . Our friendship developed a lot that summer , as he was my support system . You see , I was going over to James ' house almost every day because his father was helping me out with my batting in preparation for my senior year in softball . This means that I was seeing James almost every single day . why yes , I do like torture myself . I kept telling myself that it was to be better my final year of playing softball . James ' dad would also make me pitch every single day I was out there too . As much as I hated pitching so often , you could definitely tell the improvement once the season actually started . Every day after I would leave James ' house , Landon would text me and make sure that I was okay . We would even meet up every now and then for lunch and talk through things too . We even went to a couple games of our local minor league baseball team here in town . It was actually during one of those games that we kissed for the first time . I don 't exactly know how it happened , but my friendship with Landon developed into more than just a friendship . We kind of kept the relationship to ourselves for the rest of the summer . My family didn 't really like him , and his family didn 't really like me either ( shocking , I know ) . So he and I would secretly meet up all summer long . I would say I was going to the mall , and then meet him in a nearby park . We would go to baseball games and skip out on them for the last few innings . As summer was drawing nearer and nearer to a close , he started to ask me what we were going to do once we were around James all the time . I was just kind of in denial and didn 't want to talk about anything that was going to be occurring in the future . I basically just told him we 'd kind of go with it and see what happens once school started . You see , what I didn 't mention in my two previous posts about James * was that he kind of broke my heart . And by kind of , I mean that everything was going really well between the two of us , but three days before my junior prom , THREE FREAKING DAYS , he told me that he couldn 't be with me anymore . Back then , James was 110 % serious about playing baseball after high school . He had a friend that had a serious girlfriend , and watched the friend slowly lose sight of his dreams to play baseball after high school . However , I was not the same type of girl as the other girlfriend ( I never have been and I never will be ) . It broke my heart to have him let me go like that , but I told him that I understood . . . I didn 't necessarily like it , but you can 't force someone to have feelings for you . Not to mention , a girl that he cared very deeply for had gotten into a horrific car accident and almost lost her life . They had been friends for a majority of their lives , and there 's no way I could compete with their relationship . So I took him to a friend 's for them to go to the hospital together , and drove away thinking that was the end of James and I . After prom , we had about three weeks left of school before we were out for the summer . Those three weeks were agonizing . James still sat at our lunch table every day , so I had to endure being around him 24 / 7 at school while I still wanted to be with him . The baseball team made it to the state playoffs that year , and I went halfway across the state to watch them . Unfortunately , the lost in the state finals that year , and I so desperately wanted to walk up to James after the game and let him know that I thought he played well and that I was there for him . But the girl friend of his was there , so I just left quietly and put my feelings aside . I really wish that I was completely happy during my junior prom , but I knew it was going to be one of my last nights with James . It made me so sad because I was crazy about that kid , but I had to respect him and his feelings . So I made myself miserable to make him happy . I didn 't know that James was going to be home alone , but he opened the door and just stopped for a second . He seemed to be a little speechless , which mad me grin from ear to ear . I rushed his butt out the door and sped back to my house so that we could take a few pictures with my family before we got on our way to dinner . James and I met up with everyone else at an Italian restaurant in town . When I say we had a big group , I mean we had a HUGE group . I 'm pretty sure we had either 17 or 19 people . As you can imagine , dinner took a forever long time , and we ended up getting to the prom venue about an hour and a half after it started . First and foremost , I have was , am , always have been , and always will be a lover of dancing . So I went to the prom to get my groove on . Unfortunately , my huge group of 17 or 19 , including my James , didn 't share my love of dancing the night away . Well , all except for one person . You see , Chase * came with us to the prom . He was a year older than I was , so it was his senior prom . And Chase and I had a little bit of history . My freshman year in high school , he and I were on the football homecoming planning committee . This year just happened to be the last year that my school held a dance . Chase was one of the nicest guys in school , and he asked me to dance . . . . then told me that he thought I was beautiful I just ended up telling him I wasn 't interested ( remember , I couldn 't tell you who I liked freshman year ) . After that , Chase hung out with my group of friends , which is how he ended up going to the prom with my huge group . Anyways , most of my friends stood off to the side during the dancing part , including James . Every now and then , I could drag James to the dance floor for a slow dance , but he still wasn 't a fan . Chase would dance with me quite a bit , and I think it finally gave James a clue that he needed to spend time with ME . After we were at the venue for about an hour , everyone decided they wanted to leave to head to a bowling alley . I however , was not done dancing the night away , and told James he could leave with them if he wanted but I was staying put . He looked at me like I was crazy , and ended up staying the duration of the prom just for me . I knew he wanted to leave just as much was everyone else , but because he cared about me , he stayed just for me . I went with my mom and both of my aunts to the local department store to painstakingly hunt for the perfect dress for my junior prom . You see , I was a very tall and slender girl in high school , so finding any kind of dress was always difficult . I never really liked the super poofy ball gowns that all of my friends seemed to enjoy , but I was also so self conscious of my lack of chest . I think I tried on maybe 30 different dresses until I found the one . It was a form - fitting one - shoulder dress that was COVERED in beadwork , and it was a fuschia and orange color . I LOVED it . And I thought I looked stunning in it , despite the curse of the two backs I had in high school . I called James * to let him know that I had picked out my dress . I tried to explain it to him , but as you can read it 's kind of difficult to explain . I think I attempted to explain it four times before he finally said , " Blake * , just tell me what you want my tux to look like and I 'll go try stuff on . " I wanted him to look just as sexy as I knew I was going to feel , so I decided that I wanted him in all black with a white tie , just because the colors of my dress were going to be difficult to match . I took a picture of the dress to our local flower shop to have them make the corsage and boutonniere to match my dress as close as possible . As far as plans before and after the prom , we got a big group together and decided to go to dinner together before at an Italian restaurant . Originally , there were going to be about 10 of us , but by the time prom came around we went in a group of 19 . James had a baseball game the morning of prom , so while I was spending all day getting ready , James was texting me throughout the day to let me know where he was , how things were going , and when I could be expecting to see him . Two other friends and I had hair appointments at the same salon , and I had gotten my nails done a couple days before . My hairstylist and I had a hard time trying to figure out how to do my hair ( this is the same person who had done my hair the year before , and my freshman year when I went to prom . . . I know I skipped over that ) . I explained my dress to her , and she said she didn 't want to do something like the year before that was edgy , she wanted to give a little more class to it since the dress needed all the attention . She curled my hair with a flat iron , poofed it up a little at the crown , and then started pulling it toward the center of my head in the back . The best way we could describe it is that my hair looked like it was in a banana clip without actually being in a banana clip . She also curled tendrils around my face to accent it as well . The finishing touch was my makeup , and I had my aunt do it . She also didn 't want to take away from my dress , so she did tan colors to accentuate my big brown eyes . She then added some shimmering powder just under my eyes and on my cheeks to brighten up my eyes . The corsage and boutonniere each had ribbons on them that matched perfectly . We had white roses and carnations and then the florists found the perfect fuschia and orange ribbons to tie into the flowers . I stepped into my dress and my 3 inch heels and anxiously waited for James to call me and tell me he was ready for me to come pick him up ( he was too young for his license , remember ? ) . Almost everyone was there at my grandmother 's house taking pictures together and with their dates , and everyone was there except James . FINALLY , about an hour before our dinner reservations , James called me and said he was ready . I swear that boy could have taken as long as I could getting ready . My aunt let me borrow her Mercury Mountaineer to drive us to prom , so I drove out to his place to pick him up . I knocked on the door and anxiously waited for him to come to the door to see me in my dress . The end of basketball season came along , along with my own heartbreak . You see , basketball was my sport . Yes I played other sports , but basketball was my first love . We never were all that good in basketball so we never made it far in the playoffs , but each year I cried after my last game of the season because I knew I was one season closer to not playing anymore . After we finished up basketball , James * went straight to baseball and I went to off - season for softball . This year , there were only three of us in it , so I worked on my pitching and batting every single day . We also did a lot of conditioning that spring . All kinds of running and bleacher drills . I looked damn good by the time spring break came along . James and I would spend our days and evenings watching whatever baseball game was on TV and SportsCenter . He gave me a love for a new baseball team , and we would cheer them on together . Then I would get bored and fall asleep on my bed while he continued watching SportsCenter . As much time as James and I would spend in a bed together , we never actually did anything more than kiss . Not make out , just kiss . Trust me , I wanted a make out sesh more than anything , but it just wasn 't James ' style . He barely liked kissing at all . I guess everyone he had been with before were sloppy kissers , I don 't really know . Anytime I tried to kiss for more than a couple times in a row he 'd pull away . I still liked it for some reason though . It 's whatevs . Spring break and the entire month of March seemed to fly by . Before I knew it , prom was coming around again , so I started looking for dresses and ideas for what i wanted James to wear . The cool thing about him being a freshman is that he told me " Blake * , it 's your prom . I 'll do whatever you want me to . I just want it to be perfect for you . " My name is Blake , and the carefree , easy relationship was what I loved most about James . however , I also wished it was a little more . Hopefully you 'll understand eventually . Now this year , I got elected as a homecoming attendant for the first time . I should have had it my freshman year , but that 's a completely different story . Anyways , that year there was only one senior in basketball , so she automatically got homecoming queen . What the athletic director decided to do was take the junior with the most votes and make her the " senior attendant " and take the junior with the second most votes and make her junior attendant . With this came a lot of bull shit from the girls I called my friends . Even though this caused a ruckus , it was nothing compared to what was to come my senior year . But we 'll get to that . A couple days before the homecoming game , I attempted to donate blood at my school 's blood drive . Now I don 't know if you 've heard of this before , but I have a condition called " rolling veins . " Anytime I attempt to donate blood , the needle will hit the vein and all is good , until about 30 seconds after the initial hit . Then my veins get skittish and start to move away out from under the needle . The result is that I normally can 't get the pint needed to donate , and lots of blood pools just underneath the surface of the skin , causing what looks like a humongous bruise . It 's not a painful bruise , but it looks awful . The reason why I tell you this is because I didn 't really like my dress . Then the day of homecoming , I have this HUGE bruise looking thing in the crack of my elbow . My " friends " made fun of me for it . And for walking with a guy who was shorter than I was . Basically , it was a shitty day all around . But then , James came up to me just after the ceremonies , wrapped me up in a bear hug and whispered in my ear " Blake * , you are SO beautiful . The other girls are just jealous . " And so , I melted . Hook , line , and sinker . We took a picture together , and to this day it is still one of my favorite pictures of us . February came around , and I was starting to look for dresses for my junior / senior prom . Now like I 've said before , James * and I were together without the title . I liked him a lot , and he liked me a lot , and I knew that I wanted to take him to prom . I just didn 't know how he 'd feel about going with me . So I finally decided that I did want him to accompany me , and I did what any responsible older person would do , I went to his parents and asked for their permission to accompany me to my junior prom . I 'd have to drive us everywhere , and I wanted to make sure it was okay with them for me to steal him away for half a day . Unfortunately , his father also told him that I was planning on asking him to prom . I think it was easier for me to ask his parents than it was to ask him , just because I didn 't think he would want to go . So after school one day , before a basketball game , I finally got the nerve to ask him . I walked up to him and told him I needed to talk to him . " I was only trying to be polite . I would expect you to have asked my mom if it was okay for you to take me if I were a freshman an you were a junior . Just saying . " So James agreed to go with me to my senior prom . The female manager of his team overheard our conversation and got mad . She had the biggest crush on him , and as long as he and I weren 't " official , " she felt she had a chance at winning his heart . Either way , his answer made me super happy , and I skipped to tthe locker room to change into my uniform and get my mp3 player . James * and I returned to school in January , and I was super excited to be able to see him almost every day . I enjoyed the little half hugs between classes in the hallways , holding hands when sitting next to each other at lunch , sneaking glances at each other during conversations , and spending time between school and games together . I really liked this kid a lot , but it was hard for me to want to like him so much . The only other real relationship I had had at that point was with Henry . And as you could tell , it wasn 't a very healthy relationship . Because of that unhealthy relationship , I was afraid to let myself care that much about someone ever again . James ' birthday was midway through January . He and i hardly ever went on dates , but I convinced him to go on a date with me to the dollar theater in town . I picked what I thought would be a short movie , but it ended up being almost three hours long . I was so afraid we were going to get in trouble for being out so late . . . it was only his 15th birthday , after all . ( I had just turned 17 a few months before , so I promise it wasn 't as bad as it sounds ! ) Immediately after the movie , we called his parents to let them know that we had just finished the movie . His dad understood , he had seen the movie before and knew how long it was going to be . We just had to head straight home since it was a little after midnight . It was no problem for me . At this point , James and I had been together for a little over two months . We held hands all throughout the three hour movie , and he finally gave me a little kiss on the lips right at the end of the movie . To me , it was the sweetest gesture in the world . I counted that night as our first date . Even though it was for a cheap movie , he paid , bought dinner , and bought us snacks . He finally admitted to me that he kinda liked me that night as well . One night , I convinced him to go with me to Fiona 's * neighbor 's house and hang out with a bunch of the guys and girls from the basketball teams . He played street ball with one of the guys for a couple hours while each of us girls got all mushy over each of the guys there ( we were perfectly paired off ) . A couple of the guys were cute , but I only had eyes for James . Eventually the boys stopped playing ball , and we all headed inside to watch some movies . Two couples headed to the bedrooms to do what they do , and me , James , and one other couple stayed inside . I wanted so badly to just kiss James , but he wouldn 't have it . I tried EVERYTHING to kiss him , and he just didn 't want to be having a public display there in front of God and everybody . Eventually I just gave up and we sat in the recliner together to watch who knows what movie . Eventually his mom called and told him he needed to be home . While we were on our way home , he told me he wanted to spend more time with me . So I drove him home , and he told me to drive down the street just a little bit , and he 'd put his mom in her bedroom then come get me . So I did what he said . I was in serious like with this young cub , and would have stolen the moon for him if he asked me to . James * and I surprisingly hit it off really well . I don 't know what it was about us , but the chemistry was there from the first time I told him I thought he was cute . I loved spending time with him before and after practices and games almost every day . We didn 't really do anything but sit around watching sports on TV , but we got along really well . We were together about three weeks before Christmas break hit . That first Christmas break was when I found out how hard Christmas was for him . I found out that his grandpa had passed away on a Christmas Eve , and he had also been broken up with on a Christmas Eve . So I just sent him a text message that wished him well and told him that I was thinking about him all day and that I would be there if he needed me . I didn 't see him at all that break . New Years Eve came along , and I decided to spend it with my teammate Fiona * . She and I broke into her parents ' liquor cabinet and sneaked a drink before we had our other teammate 's brother come pick us up . The five of us acted like jackasses walking around the country sipping on vodka and Coke like it was the best tasting shit in the world . And it was a fun ass time . James didn 't drink . He hated when I was drinking too , so I tried to stay away from my phone and him all throughout the night . He was at a church lock in with his oldest brother Tommy * , and toward the end of the night he called me . It made my night . I was so happy to hear from him , and he told me that he was having a lot of fun but he really missed me . And that these girls were hitting on him so he wanted a picture of me to show them who his beautiful girlfriend was . Talk about a sweetheart . Fiona was dating a boy named Landon * . The problem was , Fiona 's parents didn 't like them dating . So in order for Fiona and Landon to be able to talk to each other , the used my phone . So I used Fiona 's phone to talk to James , and Fiona used my phone to talk to Landon . It was a night of deceit and I loved every second of it . After I got done wasting time with Fraser , I began to focus my attention on James * . James was a couple years younger than I was , and we both played basketball together . Me and my friend Haley * both noticed James the first day of school . We looked at our other girl friends and said " DAMN ! When did James get HOTT ? ! What happened to the little chubby kid that used to play baseball ? ! " And yes , he was very hot . He had slimmed up over the summer and his hair got lighter with the sun and his eyes were just as beautifully blue as before . James and I first started talking to each other every now and then just as friends , and then once basketball season started we talked more and more . At first he was with some other girl , but they were just " talking " . . . you know how high school romance goes . First you 're " talking , " then you 're " together " . . . DUMB . Anyways , so he and this other girl were " talking , " and then somehow after the second week of basketball games , he and her were no longer talking and he and I exchanged numbers and were talking and / or texting almost every single night . Like I said in my last post , Fraser * was a bad boy . And him being a bad boy made him sexier than ever . His bike made him hot , and his ice blue eyes made him dead sexy . Fraser and I started hanging out just about every weekend , and even a couple times during the week . He would come and meet me after my softball games , and sometimes I would go meet him after my games . Fraser and I had a lot of fun together . It was all carefree , and most of the time we would just sit around and have a few drinks with his buddies . Me and my friends hung out there almost every weekend , and 9 times out of 10 all my friends would get drunk while I was being a designated driver for them all . I was also very naive as a high school student , and there was even one weekend where Fraser 's friend was rolling a couple joints right in front of us ( not smoking them ) , and I was the only one who had no idea what the hell was going on . Fraser and his buddies apparently were into some recreational drug use because this wasn 't the first time they brought the stuff around new people . Fraser never got high in front of me , but he did smoke his cigarettes . About three weeks before we broke up , Fraser got into a TERRIBLE accident on his bike . He was taken to the hospital where he had road rash all over his forearms and upper body . While he was in the hospital , he asked his roommate to call me and ask me to come up there . So I went to the hospital , where both of his parents were . They shook my hand and said " You 're Blake * ? He 's been asking for you for hours . Go ahead and go back there . " It kind of freaked me out because we had only been together for a couple months and I thought it was weird he wanted to see me when there was a good chance he could have died . Especially because we hadn 't had sex at that point . Luckily he had his helmet on and it didn 't break his neck . I went over to his house almost every day to kind of take care of him . I helped change his sheets and bandages , and made sure he took his medicines and ate . After a couple weeks , he felt a little better . I was over one weekend when he talked me into having sex with him . He was kind of short , and he was pretty big for how little he was , if you get what I 'm saying . It hurt , but it wasn 't awful like my first time where I cried in the middle of it . The next night , I came over , and he had over - medicated himself . When I walked into his room , he looked at his roommate and said " What the hell is SHE doing here . WHERE ' S SARAH * ? ! " I had no idea who Sarah was , but the roommate told me it was this other girl he liked . Okay , thanks asshole . Three days later , he broke up with me . No real explanation , but I definitely felt like he used me for sex then said peace . Jerk . So that was the end of Fraser . I actually saw him one more time before I lost contact with him . I think it was near the end of my senior year in high school , when I was happily in a relationship ( Fraser and I happened at the beginning of my junior year ) . He and I just hung out at a local ice cream shop and got sodas and talked a little bit . I don 't know that I ever tried to contact him again , but after that afternoon getting drinks , I never heard from him again . In my excitement to get to the story about James * , I almost forgot about Fraser * . AHHHH FRASER . Honestly , Fraser was BAD NEWS . I met Fraser when some friends and I headed into town one weekend . There was one specific avenue that lots of people would cruise down and show off their pimped out rides and motorcycles . Fraser was definitely a motorcycle guy . My friends and I had stopped for some drinks at one of the gas stations along the road , and Fraser and his buddies were in the parking lot . As we were walking back to our car , they cat called at us . We , being the 16 / 17 / 18 year old girls that we were giggled and hurriedly went back to our cars . We thought that would be the end of that . No no . Instead , the guys gave us about a half a block head start before they started riding after us , Fraser on his bike and the other guys in the truck . We cruised up and down the road a few times before we stopped back at the gas station to fill up before we headed back home . Apparently they had been cruising behind us a majority of the night and followed us to the gas station again . Fraser came up to me and asked if I wanted to go for a ride with him . I respectfully declined , and told him that if he wanted to take me for a ride , he 'd meet me at the same place next week . A week went by , and me and my girls headed back out to drive again ( you can definitely tell gas was much cheaper then . . . ) . We didn 't think we 'd see them again , but sure enough , Fraser was there like he promised . And like I promised , I went for a ride with him . I made him give me his helmet , and off we went . He had taken my friend Haley * on a ride the week before . While we were out on our little ride , he and I stopped at one point and just talked for a little bit . He told me that while he enjoyed meeting all of us , he really liked that I didn 't just hop on his bike ride away and made him wait a week . We then headed back to my friends , and they actually kind of got mad for how long we were away . . . . needless to say , Fraser and I exchanged numbers before I headed home . Fraser called me by the end of the night it was fantastic . He was so sexy , and he had a bike . This was the first " bad boy " that I had ever been infatuated with . Well now that you know the background of how Fraser and I met , I 'll leave him be for now . Even though Fraser was pretty short - lived , he was a lot of fun and the three months we were together were pretty fun too ! ( Until the end , obviously . ) Junior year started a year of uncertainty for me . I was really contemplating quitting softball , and it didn 't help that Henry and I were still talking to each other every now and then . But then , the third day of school , I noticed a cute boy . Enter Forest * . Forest was the new guy in town , so of course he had everyone 's attention . I don 't really know how Forest and I ended up talking , but we exchanged numbers and soon began text messaging each other constantly . He and I went on one date that lasted a good majority of the day . We went to the mall and window shopped , and then went to a drive - in movie . We jokingly got into a fight and turned our backs to each other ( while laying down ) . Next thing I know , we 're both waking up and seriously being like WHY DID YOU LET ME FALL ASLEEP ? ! However , as quickly as our infatuation started , it ended just as quickly . He told me that I was way too clingy and obsessive and texted and called way too much . . . ummm okay . That 's cool . I just kinda let it roll off my shoulders and said whatever to it , we had just started hanging out so it wasn 't that big of a deal to me . Plus there was a cute freshman ( James * ) that I had been looking at from pretty much the first day of school , because when he was a kid , he was cute . But then he got into high school and started growing in height , and he was HOT . But James is another story that 's going to take up multiple posts : ) stay tuned ! As I 've mentioned before , Henry * and I actually fought quite a bit . There was one fight in particular that my cell phone accidentally dialed him while my mom and I were talking about him , and she was revealing her usual disgust for our relationship . It 's not that she didn 't necessarily like him , she just thought he was emotionally abusive to me and that I deserved better . Henry began tagging along with me to my church on Wednesday nights at my request . Henry had already graduated , and he came to my town one Wednesday night in June . He came down a little earlier than necessary so we could just hang out and go get some dinner before we went to church . This particular week , Lizzie * and Tony * also decided to join us . We all hung out at Lizzie 's place for a little bit before heading downtown to a local Italian restaurant . While we were eating , Tony and Henry started making jokes at my expense , and something just set me over the edge . I 'm not sure what exactly they said that pissed me off , but Henry got into it BIG TIME at the restaurant . We weren 't quite yelling , but I do remember leaving the restaurant before I finished my dinner . While he and I were in the car together , the fight really escalated . Before I knew it , I was yelling and crying at the same time . I told him that we didn 't need to go to church anymore because there was no way I was going to calm down in time ( in about 20 minutes ) . Instead , he and I went back to my house and sat in his car in the driveway and continued to fight . He and I yelled and argued and aired out everything we hated about each other , and then finally around 9 p . m . , we decided to just end things . At the end of it all , we were both crying . He begged me to re - think it , to stay with him . Truth is , I knew this was a long time coming . He was heading off to college in the fall , and we were both so emotionally abusive to each other that I knew I would never be able to fully trust him while he was away . I tried walking into my house and he ran out of his car after me to try to get me to change my mind . It caused us to start talking again , causing me to get back in his car to talk more . I think I ended up staying out there until around midnight , and finally , I just couldn 't cry anymore . My last words were " I 'm getting out of this car , going to bed , and you 're not following me . You 're going to drive home , and that will be the end of it . " Henry and I continued to talk to each other off and on . In fact , he and I are still pseudo - friends , and we hang out almost every time he comes to my town . It 's actually not awkward at all . Except for when a girl that likes him is a bitch to me because she thinks we 're getting back together . HELL NO . Henry 's * parents rented a car for us to drive to his prom . Since it was his senior prom , his parents wanted it to be the nicest prom he had gone to yet . Henry showed up in a very nice rented Cadillac . He knocked on the door to my house and my mom opened up the door . The look on his face was the best part of the night . Now , I was one of the biggest tomboys you would ever meet , so for him to see me with makeup on and everything was kind of a big deal . But nothing could prepare me for his reaction when he saw the way I looked . We did our usual where our parents took a ridiculous amount of pictures of just the two of us , just us by ourselves , and then us with Lizzie * and Tony * . Then the four of us piled into the Caddy and went to a nice little bistro for our dinner reservations . I had braces at the time , so I had to be real careful as to what I ate . Didn 't want to show up to prom with lettuce and stuff hanging in my teeth ! After we finished dinner , we still had a couple hours before the prom started , so we went back to Henry 's town to visit with his dad . This is where Henry and I separated from Tony and Lizzie . Tony wanted to take Lizzie by his house to show her off to his parents , and Henry and I were meeting up with Heath * and his girlfriend Dani * . This is the same girl that hung out with us on New Years Eve , so I wasn 't very excited to be spending that evening with her . Heath had broken the heart of one of my friends to be with her , so I never fully trusted her , but I digress . The four of us piled into the car and headed to the prom after hanging out with Henry 's dad for a little bit . Dani had a flask and had brought some liquor in it , which she and Heath sat and drank in the back seat of the car . They offered some to Henry and I , but I refused and told Henry that if he drank while he was driving us , even if it was one sip , that he could just forget about me staying at the prom and I would have my mom come pick me up . So because I was a bitch about it , Henry didn 't drink either . Once we got to the venue , Henry and I picked out a table and sat down for a little bit . My typical shoe attire every day was a pair of tennis shoes , so the small 3 inch heels were killing my feet . We sat down for a little bit , until Lizzie and Tony joined us , then the four of us headed to the dance floor and danced the night away . We danced all the normal ones you hear , like YMCA , Cha Cha Slide , and the Electric Slide too . But the one dance that I will never forget was a slow dance that Henry and I shared . " Our song " was a Hoobastank song that he and I loved a lot , but the song never got played . Instead , during the song " Amazed , " a country song by Lonestar , Henry sang the entire song to me . Like I said , his voice was sexy , so hearing him sing to me was fantastic . He and I stayed the duration of the prom , and then returned to his house so I could change . I think originally we were planning on going bowling after the prom , but because we had stayed for the whole time , we didn 't want to pay just to bowl half a game . Instead , we decided to meet up with everyone at IHOP . I don 't really like pancakes all that much , and to be honest I was exhausted and was just ready to go home . But we pulled into the IHOP parking lot and sat and talked for a little bit , and then he decided that he was ready to go home too . I can 't remember if I was allowed to stay the night with him or not . If I wasn 't allowed to stay the night , I know I was allowed to stay out past my curfew . I feel like I did stay the night with him , but I can 't really remember . I know I got home very early the next day . Henry and I didn 't have sex that night just because I was so tired . It was one of the best nights of my life . I had gone to prom the year before with a friend of the family in the next town over . I bought the dress last minute , and wasn 't in love with it , only spent a couple hours getting ready , and had my mom do my makeup . I wan 't that into it just because I viewed him as only a friend . We went to a nice dinner and didn 't stay at the prom for more than an hour or two before he took me home . I was determined to make this prom different . Henry * and I had exchanged those three little words shortly before we had sex for the first time , so I knew that this year 's prom would be different . I was going with a guy who was my boyfriend , who I cared for and loved , and who I knew would love how HOT I looked in my dress . I woke up way earlier than I had originally intended to on that Saturday morning because I was so incredibly nervous . I got up , ate some wonderful homemade breakfast of biscuits and eggs , and then called my friend Lizzie * . She and I had made plans to spend all day getting ready together . We still had a few hours to go before our hair appointments , so we decided to go get our nails done instead . We left the nail place and headed to the salon to get our hair done . My hairdresser asked about my dress and how I wanted my hair styled to match it . Since my hair is naturally curly , I decided that I wanted something straight . My hairstylist was a creative genius , and put together something straight that was still an updo . I can 't really explain what it was , other than she straightened my hair and then wrapped it around in a bun , but there were still pieces sticking out all over the place , and there were pieces framing my face . It doesn 't sound very pretty , but by the time she was finished working her magic , I WAS IN LOVE . It was more perfect than I could have ever imagined . Of course between all of this , we made a Taco Bell run to keep us from passing out from the anxiety . It was that late Taco Bell run that made me feel like I was no longer going to be able to fit into my slinky little black dress . So after all of this getting ready , the time finally arrived . Our boys were on their way to come get us for our dinner reservations . My mom helped me into my dress , and I loved how it all came together . . . the hair , the nails , the makeup , down to the shoes . I loved it all . Now all I needed to go with it was my Henry . Even though I had sex way too young and it hurt like hell , eventually I got to where it wasn 't so bad . I 'm not one of those people that will say the more I had sex , the more I enjoyed it because it really was a few years later that I got to where I WANTED sex bad . But me being the good girlfriend that I was , played along . I remember one night in particular that Henry and I did our usual date - dinner at our local hole in the wall Mexican restaurant , and then we decided to rent a movie to take back to his place . Then we got to talking on the way home , and he asked if I wanted to have sex before we went back . Sure ! We drove for about 45 minutes all through the country back roads to try to find a spot that was secluded enough for us to park his car . We seriously drove past the place we ended up stopping three times before he finally stopped there . I finally convinced him to stop or it wasn 't going to happen . So we stopped . And we did . On a completely different occasion , Henry and I were just hanging out in his room ( door open ) listening to music . We started talking about getting busy , and then kinda got after it . Not full - on sex , but the fun stuff leading up to it . While I was helping Henry out , his twin brother Heath * walked in on us . Heath then jumped on the bed as I scooted up the bed to cover Henry up . Heath could be an ass like that sometimes . One night , Henry and I were hanging out in his room . I had brought over a camera and we were taking pictures together . This very rarely happened ( us taking pictures ) , so I loved every second of it . This was also back before everyone and their mother had a digital camera , so he told me he couldn 't wait to get them developed to see how good we looked together . Then he kept telling me how pretty I was and stuff like that . He knew how to sweet talk with the best of them . Next thing I know , Henry and I are deep into foreplay when his dad barges into his room . We both freeze , and his dad goes " Uhhh Henry , when you 're done there , come in the living room . We need to talk . " I was super embarrassed . Henry looks at me and said " You heard him ; we can finish up . " UHH NO THANK YOU , HENRY . I 'm not about to " finish up " when your dad just walked in on us . I made him go in the living room to see what his dad wanted to talk to him about . I thought the way the dad barged in , we were going to get in HUGE trouble and his dad was going to call my mom . Henry said that his dad just wanted to tell him that his oldest brother would be in town the next week , and what the plans were as far as that was concerned . Henry then left to come back to the room and he goes " Oh and Henry , next time , just lock your door . Or wait until I go to bed . " In my last post , I admitted that I became sexually active at WAY too early an age . As you can imagine , this changed my view about everything . Henry * and I had been fighting almost nonstop for almost three months by the time the sexual activity rolled around . I really wanted to break things off with him , but I didn 't really know how to . Especially because he was my very first boyfriend . Also , my family decided to take me prom dress shopping shortly after the sex too , and I found a dress that made me look sexy as hell . Therefore , I decided to stick it out . Because I 'm a shallow bitch . But I realize that now . I bought my dress just before spring break from a department store . It was black , floor length , slimming ( but I was a size 6 so everything was slimming ) , and had mesh plus beadwork detailing on a large portion on my back . Like almost to my crack . On the front , it had mesh plus beadwork detailing for a large portion of my stomach as well . I felt like a sex goddess in the dress . I should have known that the random fighting for no reason would eventually ruin Henry * and I . No one should argue as much as we did , especially at the ages of 18 and 16 . What did we have to be unhappy about ? After Valentine 's Day , I started feeling like we needed to break up . I couldn 't exactly explain why , I just felt like it needed to happen . I think he could sense that I felt that way , and started to be super nice and sweet to me . It reminded me of how our relationship was in the beginning . It was a Saturday , and we made our usual date plans to go and get dinner and a movie . Henry 's parents were separated , and one of them was out of town for the entire weekend . We made plans all week that this would be the night we finally had sex . At that point , I was the only one of my friends still holding on to my virginity , Lizzie * and Tony * had been having sex for a couple months . They even asked me multiple times why I hadn 't " given it up yet . " We actually went to a local steakhouse , where he splurged more money on me . I 'm sure it was all in the effort to prove to me that he did love me ( we had been saying " I love you " for a couple weeks at that point ) , and that all the fighting wasn 't going to break us apart . While we were out to dinner , I was so nervous about what was coming that I convinced him to skip the movie so we could just go back to his parent 's place an " get it overwith . " Luckily he didn 't take offense to that because he knew how nervous I was . Heath * knew what was going on , so he stayed away from the house until way later in the evening . I wish I could say that it was magical and I loved it . But first time sex is awful and horrible . I was so nervous that I had a hard time . . . preparing for it all , and he finally helped me out . As soon as he was inside me , I started crying . NOTHING can prepare you for the first time you have sex . I had been told by lots of people that it hurt the first time , but I just had no idea how bad it would hurt . Because I was crying , he asked if I wanted to stop . I told him no , that I just wanted to get it over with . He felt bad that he was making me cry so he stopped . I literally curled up in a ball on his bed and laid there for a while . Henry kept asking what he could do to make me feel better . Nothing could have helped . Later on in the night , we got into the hot tub to try to relax . We were attempting to try again in the hot tub , but it was just too painful for me . It was while we were out in the hot tub that Henry 's brother Heath came home with his girlfriend . He came out , yelled " I KNOW WHAT YOU ' RE DOING ! " And ran back inside the house . Henry and I decided that having sex that night was a lost cause , so we got out of the hot tub and went inside . I then returned home later that night and acted as if nothing happened . My name is Blake , and I lost my virginity at the age of 16 . I thought I was old enough to deal with everything that meant , but looking back on it I know I was entirely WAY too young to have sex then . I hope that if ANY 16 year old girls are reading this , they will listen to me when I say HOLD ON TO IT FOR A WHILE LONGER ! It will be worth it eventually . I promise . In light of the recent holiday ( Single 's Awareness Day for my fellow single ladies out there ) , I thought it was appropriate to skip ahead to my first BIG Valentine 's Day with a boyfriend . At this point , Henry * and I had been together for about six months . He and I had our routine every weekend . Since we lived so far away , we usually picked either his town or mine to hang out in , and took turns driving back and forth . Ok , so I 'm TERRIBLE at giving gifts to guys . Especially for things like Valentine 's Day , where it 's CLEARLY a holiday that 's meant for guys to buy girls stuff . I decided to decorate a plastic cup for him , fill it with " kisses " ( SO CORNY ) , and his favorite gum . I tried to wrap it creatively , but ended up using colored cling wrap . Whateves . I honestly don 't even really remember what he got me . I think he hand picked me some roses ( which I thought was AWESOME ) and maybe got me something else ? I don 't really remember . Instead of doing our usual routine , he decided to switch it up and take me to a nicer restaurant . It was a restaurant that was in the downtown area , and he had gone to it for prom the year before . It was a little hole - in - the - wall Italian restaurant , and I was kind of excited to try it . We got there , and it was way more fancy than what either of us had dressed for . They gave us our menus , and most of it was seafood . They had a special menu to celebrate the holiday , but unfortunately neither of us found anything that sounded too appetizing to us . It really kind of pissed him off when I asked if we could just leave and go to our usual restaurant . We went to our usual Mexican restaurant , ordered our usual dinners , and ate in complete silence . He was so mad that the night didn 't go as he originally planned , and kind of took it out on me . I 'm pretty sure we even got into a little fight about how childish he was being . We made up within the next couple days , but this Valentine 's Day will forever taint all of my future Valentine 's Days . I like the idea of having a day to express your love , but I feel like it shouldn 't be one day a year of all this grandeur . Plus , when things like my night happen , it can ruin the entire evening . If one thing had gone correctly that night , I don 't think I would have started having a bad view of Valentine 's Day . But he got pissy about everything , and I ended up going home immediately after the dinner instead of going to a movie like we usually did . To be honest , I couldn 't even tell you what Henry * got me for Christmas . I feel like it was probably something good . He was a pretty good gift giver , of all things . But we did spend New Years together . I really liked his mom a lot , and she invited me and my mom over for games for New Years . There were also drinks for everyone , and Heath * was there with his new girlfriend . I wasn 't sure about the new girlfriend just because Heath had kind of broken the heart of one of my friends . This friend of mine is one of the nicest girls ever , so the fact that he kind of used her made it to where I didn 't trust Heath too much . Henry and I spent a majority of the night just talking and being obnoxious . Then later in the night we kind of got into an argument . I don 't remember what it was about or why , but I 'm sure it was just because we were both drinking . We fought , I cried , and then we made up . I 'm sure it was all just being ridiculous , but either way , it was a fight that shouldn 't have happened . I feel like this was the beginning of the many fights that we had until our demise . . . but that 's a story for a later day . Henry * and I 's relationship was good at the beginning ( I 'm pretty sure I mentioned that already ) . He and I had been together for about two and a half months before my Sweet 16th rolled around . Now , I was just a lowly sophomore in high school , and I abandoned quite a few of my friendships from my school . Plus my mom was a little poor , so we didn 't have huge plans for my 16th birthday . Henry wasn 't going to let that happen . He convinced Tony and Lizzie to meet up with us for dinner and a movie the weekend before my birthday . To be honest , I couldn 't tell you what movie we went to , but he let me pick it . I probably picked a chick flick . But he did take m to our favorite restaurant in his hometown , and then surprised me with my birthday present . He bought me a very nice Fossil watch with the face of it having my favorite color . I was kind of beside myself because I knew how expensive Fossil watches were . My birthday also happened to fall on Thanksgiving that year , and he wanted to make sure that I had a good day . Instead of going with his family for Thanksgiving , he instead came with me to my family 's . I can 't exactly remember the details of my birthday weekend . I barely even remembered him being there , until I was reminded that he came with us out of town . I 'm sure I went to dinner and a movie that weekend too , except for in the next state over . Henry and I went to dinner and a movie pretty often . Almost every date . My name is Blake * , and this was the first piece of jewelry I got from a boyfriend . And I loved it ! And still have it . what ? ! Henry * and I got a long great in the beginning . I would skip my high school 's football games to attend his , hang out with him for a little bit afterwards , and then he 'd take me home ( I didn 't have my license yet ) . Most weekends , he 'd either come and spend time with me and my family , or he 'd come pick me up and take me to his hometown for a date at a couple of our favorite restaurants ( they weren 't around my hometown ) . Most of our dates were dinner and a movie . I enjoyed it a lot . At one point , we convinced my friend Haley * that she needed to date Henry 's twin brother Heath * . The cool thing about Haley is that she also lived pretty far away from where our parents were too . There was one weekend that her mom was going out of town , so we convinced the boys to come over and hang out with us . They weren 't staying the night , we just wanted them to come hang out . It was definitely a girls ' night with a little bit of testosterone injected for some fun . The girls and I started the night out like normal - - movies and snacks . Then we started getting silly . Then the boys came just barely after dark ( they had told us they weren 't coming anymore ) and scared the shit out of us . They started banging on the doors and windows and shining flashlights into the house . So what did we do ? We hid . And almost started crying . We debating calling our moms and the cops , but then they called each of us and said they were outside . The bastards . Once we calmed down , we did what any normal 15 - 16 year olds would do when they were home alone with their boyfriends : We played hide and seek in the house ! ( What were you thinking ? ! ) When neither I nor Henry were " it , " we would hide together and hold each other and kiss constantly . That 's what caused us to be found . Every . Single . Time . We still hadn 't had sex at this point , so kissing was as far as it went . As I mentioned in my last post , Henry * and I went on a date as a couple for his birthday . It was also our first solo date . We had hung out with Lizzie * and Tony * once before , but had yet to do anything just the two of us . I actually had a softball tournament that weekend , and he drove to it to see me . He also brought his twin brother and his father . It was very awkward to meet his father about a week or two after I met him . Being the young cub that I was , I didn 't get to play too much , but I still got to play catch and take grounders and whatnot . During one of our games , Lizzie reached over and told me that Tony and Henry were there . I look in the crowd , find Tony , but I didn 't see Henry . Instead , I saw his twin brother . They did look a lot alike , but I could definitely tell the difference between Heath * and Henry . Henry was tall and lanky , and Heath was just as tall but a little chubbier , and definitely in the face . So after the game I walked up to Heath , and he says " Hey babe ! " I said , " Hey HEATH , where 's Henry ? " Then he starts cracking up laughing and asks how I knew it was him . I told him that even though I had only seen Henry once before , I knew what he looked like pretty well . But Heath also had their dad with him , so not only did I meet their father a couple weeks after I met Henry , I also met him without Henry being there . Once Henry finally got there , we made plans to hang out later that evening after I went home and showered and whatnot . We decided on dinner and a movie . Do you remember my post about Barry * and how I said I was friends with his sister for a while ? Well she had texted me while I was getting ready and wanted to hang out . Basically , she wanted to use me and my boyfriend for his car because she wanted to see another guy , Nolan * . All three of us ( me , Nolan , and Barry 's sister ) were under age and couldn 't drive , but she wanted to see Nolan that night . Henry was nice enough that he said he didn 't mind taking her to the movie , but he just wanted dinner to be just us . I was okay with that . After dinner , we went and picked up Barry 's sister and Nolan , and then headed to the local theater to watch a movie . Mind you , this was my first date with Henry , and I was a little prude . ( A lot prude . ) Henry and I just sat and watched the movie with Barry 's sister and Nolan very loudly made out throughout the entire movie . I felt awkward and apologized to Henry , and he told me not to worry about it , that he actually didn 't mind them and that he actually liked that I didn 't try that on our first date . I 'm pretty sure Nolan even went down her pants in Henry 's back seat on the way back . It was gross . If you haven 't figured out by now , I 'm completely and utterly boy crazy . There 's nothing like a good looking guy , a sexy deep voice , or some amazing smelling cologne . I did a lot of my stupid stuff with my previously mentioned friend Lizzie * . Lizzie and I were best friends in high school . Somewhere during the summer between my freshman and sophomore years in high school , she met a couple of guys from a small town across the state . Their names were Tony * and Henry * . If I remember correctly , Henry was initially interested in Lizzie , and Lizzie was interested in Tony . Because she felt bad about it , she asked if I wanted to maybe talk to and meet Henry . She showed him a picture of me and he said he 'd like to get to know me . So we got on AIM ( does anyone still use that ? ! ) and started talking to each other almost daily . I had a cell phone that I was using , and we exchanged numbers and began talking to each other daily . Henry 's voice was deep and sexy . Seriously , a good sounding deep voice will get a guy far ! Henry and I talked so much that I found myself really liking him a lot without ever meeting him . When I would ask Lizzie about him , she would say that he is tall and really nice . ( Here 's a hint : if your friend can only say he 's nice , he 's probably not the best looking . ) I 'll never forget the night that I met Henry . Lizzie convinced Tony to come to our town for our back to school night , a night where our parents meet our teachers for the semester to establish a good relationship for any future problems . Basically the ones whose parents need to go never do . And boy was I ever surprised . See in my mind , sexy voice = mr sexy pants in real life . No no , Henry was tall and lanky and kind of awkward . And he was dressed grungy . Not that I was any better in my sweaty practice clothes , but at least I had an excuse . I was really disappointed when I met him , and tried to hide my disappointment . But I didn 't hide it very well . The four of us hung out for a little bit that evening before the boys had to leave to drive home . Once he got home , Henry called me and we talked about what we wanted to do . Like I said , I didn 't hide my disappointment very well , and he told me that I didn 't have to continue talking to him . But I knew that even though I was a little disappointed , I still really liked him . He made me laugh all the time , and we very rarely had a lull in conversation . So , me being the un - shallow person that I tried to be , I told him he was crazy . That I still wanted to talk to him and be with him . |
Today , I reported to the hospital at 11 : 30 , just as I was instructed . The PET scans are done in a portable unit that travels from one small hospital to another . The only day that they do PET scans here is on a Monday . When I pulled into the parking garage , I noticed that the tractor trailer unit was not there , and that made me a little nervous . I went into the hospital to register fully expecting to be told that my appointment was cancelled . It wasn 't , but I did have to wait until 1 for my 12 : 00 appointment . I was so relieved that my appointment was not cancelled that , really , I was okay waiting in the hospital lobby . I was reading my book and an elderly lady came down and sat across from me . I smiled and continued reading . Her daughter came in a while later , and said , " Oh , I didn 't see you at first , " to which the elderly lady responded , snappishly , " That 's because I usually sit over there ( gesturing to where I was sitting ) , but she was there , and I did not want to bother her . " I was so surprised that I nearly burst out laughing on the spot , but I kept my face straight and my nose in my book . Fellow cancer survivor Mary took a few minutes off from her desk to wander down and sit with me . She knows without words that this is a stressful time . I am just so anxious to be done , and to finally know , and to figure out what comes next . It is more helpful than I can say to have a friend who understands , no explanation required . I find myself getting a little weepy when she goes , overcome with gratitude for friends . Starvation , too , I imagine , not having eaten since 5 the previous night . Ack . They finally came to get me . Another elderly lady got frustrated . " What about me ? ! ! ! My appointment is at 1 ! " and the attendant said , " Her appointment was at noon . " On the walk back , the woman apologizes repeatedly for my wait . I don 't tell her that I would have waited all afternoon , gladly , relieved as I was that the scan was not postponed until next week . I lay in a dark room for 45 minutes holding still , waiting for the radioactive mPosted by Lying in bed tonight , unable to sleep , I thought about Monday and the PET scan . After getting through August one day at a time , after a month of trying to keep myself calm , after these weeks of choking down my concerns day after day after day , finally , at long last , August is nearly done . The only thing standing between me and Monday is Sunday . As I tried to get my aching back and shoulder comfortable , it suddenly occurred to me that I might not be ready to hear what they have to say . That was a new thought . After an entire month of waiting , now the day is nearly here , and I 'm dreading it . I gave up and took a sleeping pill . We human beings are complicated beings . Okey dokey then . I come home to find that there is a message for me on the answering machine from the fine folks at PET scan . They want me to call them back , and leave a toll free number for me to do so . It is after 5 , so I decide to call the next morning . I go to bed praying , ' Please oh please oh please , don 't postpone this appointment , people . ' I get up this morning and I call . I call . I call and I call and I call . There is no answer . So I go back through the caller ID and get the number of the place as it showed there . I called them , and got an answer . I explained the situation , and before long , I was talking to an earnest young man who explained that they had some questions . Bracing myself to hear that the test was being postponed , I heard instead , " Could you come in early ? " My instant and hopeful response was ' Today ? ' Nope . Still Monday , but two hours earlier . Yeah . I 'm kind of okay with earlier . I have to tell you that waiting any longer would have probably killed me . Then he began giving me instructions . There are a lot more of them this time than last time . I write everything down , because really , really , really , I just want this to go perfectly , for them to be able to tell me what is going on , for once and for all . Young ' Earnest ' finishes up and brightly says , ' Now , do you have any questions or requests for us ? ' Oh . This is just a little too easy . " Yes , I do , " I said . " Can you NOT find cancer this time around ? " He stuttered a little and I burst out laughing . He laughed too , uncertainly . He said , " Let me give you our toll free number just in case you need to get hold of us , and gives me the same number I 'd been calling all morning . I wandered in to the Walmart to buy my dog his canned dog food . Then I bought some cards - a couple birthday cards , an encouraging card , an aniversary card and one that I bought simply because it reminded me of my friend . I always buy sensitive and touching sorts of cards , because that is how I am . Hey . . . did you know that Harry Truman once said " Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day " ? I had to buy that one . Because it was sensitive and touching . Buuuuuut , I digress . So I 'm checking out with my pile of sensitive and touching cards and a dozen cans of ' Savory Beef Cuts in Gravy ' . My intention was to get $ 10 cash back to vacuum out my work truck before turning it back in . The new cashier efficiently rang up my stuff under the watchful eye of her trainer . I ran my debit card through and tried to enter cash back . Suddenly , in the middle of my typing , it said , ' Approved ' , without any cash back . Gaping , I said , " Well . Gees . I wanted $ 10 cash back . . . what did I do wrong ? " and the trainer with the watchful eyes said , " Well , the least you can get back is $ 20 . " I groaned dramatically . " You know , I would have never done this , being a person of strong resolve , but you have forced me into it . I 'm going to buy a candy bar so that I can get that cash back , but I am doing so under duress . " And lo . The trainer with the watchful eyes also had a quick wit . As I returned with a Snickers bar , she said , drily , " I notice you didn 't get your favorite kind , either . " To which I retorted , " This is for my dog , being that I am so high minded and full of resolve which means that I would never think of eating this candy bar . " She quickly reminded me that dogs were not supposed to have chocolate . I fixed her with a look and said , " Well , really , you 're telling me that I have no choice then . I 'll have to eat this Snickers on the way home for the good of my dog . Is that what you 're saying ? Because I will totally do that , because I love my dog . " And she said , " Yes . You have no choice . " So I ate the candy bar on the way home . Stinking Walmart . The end . We don 't laugh because we 're happy - - we 're happy because we laugh . William JamesBut the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses . They laughed at Columbus , they laughed at Fulton , they laughed at the Wright Brothers . But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown . Carl Sagan So many tangles in life are ultimately hopeless that we have no appropriate sword other than laughter . Gordon AllportNothing shows a man 's charactor more than what he laughs at . Johann Wolfgang von GoetheI am thankful for laughter , except when milk comes out of my nose . ~ Woody AllenMan , when you lose your laugh you lose your footing . ~ Ken KeseyAgainst the assault of laughter nothing can stand . - - Mark TwainYou can 't deny laughter ; when it comes , it plops down in your favorite chair and stays as long as it wants . ~ Stephen King , Hearts in AtlantisWhoever said " laughter is the best medicine " never had gonorrhea . ~ Kat Likkel and John Hoberg , My Name Is Earl , " Robbed a Stoner Blind , " original airdate 16 November 2006Today in the grocery store , I ran into an acquaintance . Before too long , we were both laughing heartily . In the midst of that , she suddenly stopped . " You 're very inspiring , " she said . Going from laughter to seriousness that quickly left me at a loss of what to say next . " No matter what , " she continued , " You 're going to find something to laugh about . It doesn 't matter how bad things get , you 'll find something hilariously funny about it . No matter what , you 'll have everyone around you laughing right along with you . " August has been kicking my butt . I thought maybe my sense of humor had headed off on vacation or something , so it was good to hear that it had not deserted me after all . Tomorrow I will hand over my keys and walk out of the office for the last time . I will come home , collect my salad , and then without delay , I will head to the house of a friend . Other friends will be there . We will eat and visit , tell each other stories , slap the table , wipe our eyes , laugh until we are gasping Posted by Only 5 more days until this PET scan . I try to take comfort in Dr . B 's words : " The blood work looks good . " I think of all the other things that this mass could be . I rely on my faith . I go through my days , one at a time , ticking them off , each on bringing me closer to Finding Out For Sure . In the midst of all of this , however , there is one thing . My shoulder hurts . It hurts a lot . Perhaps I 'm just more conscious of it , I argue to myself . Maybe now that I know about the mass , that knowledge just sort of preys on my mind , manifesting as pain because of my own worries about the unknown . Yeah . That 's it , don 't you think that sounds logical ? Except that this pain is now waking me up at night . Except that that pain seems to be more severe , radiating into the long bone of my upper arm and into my back . Bad enough to send me looking through the medicine cabinet for something to ease it . And that broken sleep probably explains today 's event : I have been trying to get as many last minute treatments done in as many mosquito ' hot spots ' as I can before the job is done . Complicating matters is the fact that because of the heavy rains , underbrush has grown up heavy and thick , meaning that I have to fight my way into some areas with a running back pack sprayer on . Today , treating one such area , I went in , twice . Using up the second tank of larvicide , I walked back to the truck . For the first time , I simply could not go on . I was just too physically tired to continue treating the area . So I stopped . What does it matter anyway ? The job is ending . Last summer , I remember one thing . I was stumble footed . I kept tripping over my own feet . It aggravated me more than words can say and there were even a couple of bad falls . ( " Graceless cow ! Pick up your feet ! " ) It did not make sense to me that I was so tired , and it is not my nature to baby myself . Impatiently , I pushed myself . Then I found out I had cancer . Am I a big baby ? Is this all my imagination ? I cannot tell you what a relief it will be to just get this PET scan over and done withPosted by It 's been a hard month , but August is nearly done . Summer is drawing to a close . I cannot tell you what the fall will bring . Even though I have not officially wound up this job , I received a surprising call today . A new position is being created , and I have been invited to apply for it . A chance meeting months ago made an impression . Who knows what will happen next , but it looks as if I might have a choice in where I go from here . It sounds strange to say , but up to this point I have not had a lot of opportunity to choose in my life . I 've always ended up doing what needed doing . I 've always ended up making the responsible decisions . Stepping into my current job was the first time in years that I had the luxury of taking a job because I wanted to do it , as opposed to taking the job because I didn 't have a choice . Just the fact that I am looking at opportunitieS is awfully exciting , and I am so grateful for that . Don 't look at the pictures if you 're squeamish , but Mikey got herself hurt . You might want to stop by and leave your best wishes . Oh . And Wade got messed up too . Confrontation with a wildeyed filly . There were no pictures of that however . Take care , you two . I watched a man walk into traffic talking on his cell phone . It 's not that he was distracted and did not notice . He just walked out into traffic , daring cars to hit him . One car got too close to him , and he spun around to glare and make motions with his hand , still talking on his cell phone . Later , when I was in a store , I heard someone yelling , " Answer me ! You answer me ! " and then , a split second later , " Nope . Too late . You took too long ! No . That 's it . " You guessed it . It was the same guy , still talking on his cell phone . He left the store still raging on his cell phone , giving the world hell one phone call at a time , glaring furiously at any passerby who dared to look at him curiously . Oh , gosh , I slapped that last post together before I headed out the door for work . ' Nothing Gold Can Stay ' was totally cut and pasted from a Robert Frost site . I did not notice that I 'd not got the title and the author note . I apologize , I apologize ! I was NOT trying to take credit for that . I do not write poetry . Cripes . That was embarrassing . Today when I went to the barns , there was another dead pigeon . There is no way to tell whether or not it was the same bird . There is no way to tell whether he died of a broken heart or whether he was stricken with some terminal pigeon disease . I wonder sometimes at all the little stories in the world that we will never know in their entirety . The month of August has been a long one . It is a very happy thing for me to look at the calendar and see that it is winding to a close . Next week , September begins . IMPORTANT EDIT : Nothing Gold Can Stay ( Robert Frost ) Nature 's first green is goldHer hardest hue to holdHer early leaf 's a flower ; But only so an hour . Then leaf subsides to leaf . So Eden sank to grief , So dawn goes down to day . Nothing gold can stay . I turned down a dirt road last week , and the sun , struggling to shine through the heavy cloud cover , cast a golden glow to the road . It was cool . The road actually looked golden . I drove along marvelling over the color . It didn 't last long , but that 's life , isn 't it ? We ramble along on our respective roads , and sometimes , for a minute , everything is golden . Those golden moments never last , but , luckily , our memories of them are forever . Today , when I went to the barns where my equipment is stored , I saw a dead pigeon laying at the corner of the barn . Without getting graphic , allow me to say that it was a fresh dead pigeon . I noticed it in the passing way that one notices these sorts of things , and went about my business , which took me to another section of the barn , far away from the first section where the dead bird was . I was working away , and boxing up my equipment when I noticed it . A pigeon standing quietly in the middle of the floor watching me . I spoke to him and he ( she ? ) stood quietly listening , and then turned and walked away , walking to , and through , the door that connects the two wings of the barn . Curiously , I watched him walk away ( he never flew ) continuing down the little anteroom that connects the two barns , walk through the far door , and pause at the body of the dead bird . I went back to work . When I left , the bird was standing outside the big double doors of the barn , staring off into the distance . He did not look at me or move as I locked up and walked to my truck . " One of two things , " I thought . " This bird is sick ( West Nile Virus ? How ironic , now that I 'm closing up shop . . . ) or this bird is grieving . " And I drove off thinking on that , feeling a little ridiculous . Just out of curiosity , when I got back to the office I checked . Know what ? Pigeons mate for life . I think of that little bird , staring off into the distance , paying me no mind at all as I broke off bits of my midmorning granola bar and tossed them his way . And all day , I 've wondered . Do pigeons mourn ? I 've ' met ' a lot of people through blogging . One of those people is Stephanie , over at ' Bah ! to cancer ' . She 's currently at the LiveStrong Global Cancer Summit in Dublin . Bless her little cotton socks , look what she 's done ! She ' tweets ' if you want to follow her on twitter , but she 'll also be blogging about the happenings there , if you wish to follow along . You know , I needed this weekend . I bought myself a bottle of wine Friday night . It has been such a rough and long month that I had plans to have a glass or two of wine curled up in bed with a good book ( ' The Lemon Tree ' by Sandy Tolan ) . I had a glass of wine , read a couple of pages , dozed off by eight . I spent time with my husband . We worked on an apartment , but it felt good to work alongside him in our normal quiet way . I spent an afternoon making homemade pizzas . That felt good too . Somehow , it makes me feel centered to putter around in the kitchen , to have the time to putter around in the kitchen . Tim and I went walking in a cemetary , and he showed me an old suspension bridge . I traversed the wires in a dress ( I had swapped the heels for a pair of flats ) . I went to meet a friend at her church this morning . We 've been writing back and forth on the internet , and she has been a blessing to me . Tim and I both felt that we were right where we were supposed to be this morning , as we listened to her husband preach . In visiting with them , we were amazed that these quiet people have been part of some mighty works of God , including starting ( from scratch ) a Halfway House for men . It 's been a rough month , really , but you know what ? I am blessed . I am so blessed . I 'm blessed that God puts me into contact with people that encourage me when my own spirits lag . I am blessed to be one half of a marriage that works . I am blessed to have food in my pantry . My children . My friends . The list of good things in my life is a long one indeed . This weekend was badly needed . A chance to calm myself , center myself , to fix mine eyes upon the hills . There is a lot of uncertainty in my life right now , but this weekend put things right for me again . I find that I am waiting not with dread , but with expectation . Well , I laughed my way through Bushbabe 's post about Vegemite this morning . Laughed my hind end off . Someday , I 'll give that Vegemite a little try . Over at her sister 's blog , Jeanie was talking about the great Tim Tam dilemna / dilemma . I had to google Tim Tam right away , and they do look like tasty little things ( unlike vegemite . . . sorry BB , but it 's the truth . . . ) . I was a bit mystified as to why any person would stop to quibble about spelling in the face of FREE COOKIES FOR A YEAR ! Jeanie informed me that they were NOT cookies , they were biccies . ( what the heck is a biccie . . . ) Oy . The two of them . . . it 's like they live in a foreign country or something , the rosy cheeked little Tim Tam eating vegemites . To my American ears , that sounds quite like a dandy little epithet . . . You know , I 've been having a rough time lately . The whole PET scan thing . Cara headed off back to school . Finding out my job is cut . I 've been struggling . I try to be positive and patient , but sometimes life just sucks . I received an e - mail reminding me of the Cancer Support Group meeting tonight . On the spur of the moment , I decided to go . I 'd met the leader before , at the Relay for Life . She was glad to see me . As I began to meet people , my name was recognized from the paper . Turns out , my phrase ' every good thing in my life has only been made better by cancer ' had stuck in people 's minds . They agreed that it was true . We talked about a lot of truths . When it was done , I walked out of there chatting with everyone as if I 'd known them a hundred years . I am still losing my job . I still have the uncertainty of cancer hanging over my head . I still have children I am concerned about . Listening to their concerns about their upcoming PET scans helped . Listening to the stories of other mothers , that helped too . A lost job ? Eh . Not really such a big deal compared to some of the things you can lose along the way in cancer - land . And you know what ? It was very good to be reminded of these things . I received a letter asking that I come in to have a picture taken to display for Breast Cancer Awareness month . You all know how much I love having my picture taken . Not . This is different though , and I will have the picture taken . I will come up with a few words about my experience . Know why ? Last year , I found the cancer just before Breast Cancer Awareness Month . I remember walking into the hospital very early in the morning for the surgery , and I remember being greeted by great arcs of pink balloons , and the Survivor 's Wall , rows of pictures , their words . I was at a very hard place then . I was afraid . It was all new . It was unreal . I just could not wrap my head around the fact that it was happening to me . Was I going to die ? I did not have a clue and I was just sick about it . I hadn 't slept much the night before . It all just seemed so big , so completely overwhelming . While Tim was taking care of the registration , I took a minute to wander through these pictures , to read the words , and you know what ? It was a very ' real ' moment for me . It helped . I recognized faces , and I thought , " Oh , I did not know that she had breast cancer . . . " and it was encouraging to think of that person as I 'd seen them last , lively , active , busy . And two days later , I was back for the medport . I read more of those words , studied more faces . I remember Elaine , the nice nurse telling me that she was sorry to hear that it was cancer , but that she was sure that I had what it took to beat it . During that uncertain time , the words that I read on the Survivor Wall gave me hope . The encouraging words that people struggled to come up with meant a lot to me too . I tucked these things away in my heart , clung to them like a lifeline . There are a lot of things that I 'm not really sure of right this very minute . However , I am sure that if I can encourage one woman who has heard , for the first time , " You have cancer , " then I need to do it . It 's a debt of honor . I owe it on behalf of every single person that has helped me during this long , long year . EvePosted by . . . I discovered that my job is done . Pennsylvania is still finangling a budget , but in the meantime , I 've lost my job as of August 31st . I 'm a little surprised . The last word that I received was that they were keeping the West Nile Virus program intact . I pulled off the road while DEP was telling me the news . Rick felt badly . He assured me repeatedly that it had nothing to do with job performance because I ran a very good program , one of the best under his jurisdiction . That was nice of him to say , and I 'm glad that he took the time to say it . It is what it is . I met Mary in the Walmart parking lot . I was headed to my car , she was headed in . She 's frustrated . She was trying to get ready to head to Washington DC with friends . She lost her prosthetic boobs . " I 've looked everywhere , " she grumbled . I burst out laughing and rewrote a phrase : " She 'd lose her boobs if they weren 't attached . . . " In the never ending quest to find the humor in this situation , I 've named ' my girls ' . They are ' Flopsy ' and ' Not - sy ' . I took a test for a new job yesterday . I usually am a knockout in standardized testing . Yeah , this time , I don 't think so . Really . This test was two hours long . Lots of calculating . They told us repeatedly that they did not expect us to finish the sections in the alloted time . Good . I didn 't . Meanwhile , this little brainiac sitting next to me did . I 'd be scribbling away , and I 'd hear the ' click ' of her pencil being set on the table , and look over to see her leaning back , hands folded . It was a testimony to my own state of unstress that I did not reach across the table and smack her one . I did not know the test was going to be so long . I usually don 't eat breakfast , having a fruit bar in midmorning . I was getting hungry . At the end of one section of testing , I commented that I should have eaten breakfast . One witchy little thing said , " Sure . That 's a good excuse for not doing well . You didn 't eat breakfast . " Number one , was it that obvious that I was not doing well ? Number two , it wasn 't an excuse . ( I 'd have offered up ' chemo brain ' if I needed an excuse . . . and I don 't think I was doing that badly , truth be told . I was just not as quick as young brainiac sitting right next to me . ) In another testimony to my state of unstress , I did not snap at witch - y woman , and was able to see that she probably was having trouble with the test . She stressed , unlike some ( me ) . Sad thing is 50 people were there for that testing . They had two more tests to run , and expected that many at all of them . Doing some quick calculations , I came up with this : Debby + this job = snowball 's chance in hellPosted by I just spent over two hours counting mosquitoes , including one sample that contained 800 + mosquitoes which had to be separated from about 800 + other insects . All this rain has created wonderful breeding sites , and the mosquitoes are taking advantage of this . And know what else ? It 's still raining . Posted by Friday was my fall apart day . By Friday night , I was feeling a little embarrassed about the whole thing . I 'd been pushing myself physically , at work . I 'd been staying up late to entertain company . I was in pain , and privately trying to deal with my own fears . Cara was trying to deal with her own fears , prepare to head back to school , and both of us , overstressed , tired , and worried , fell apart . She , because she was concerned about me , me , because I didn 't know how to ' fix it ' for her . Going to the Cancer Center and getting some questions answered was the right thing to do . Although I had planned to set some traps over the weekend , I did not . I decided to take it easy . Tim and I went to watch stock car football . Laughter is the best medicine , and I got a heaping dose of it . We sat with a group of friends , and we are a funny bunch of people . We all laughed ourselves stupid . It was also scary . Luke , our friends ' son , flipped his car . He didn 't get out of the car for a heartstopping time . " Mary , " I said , " maybe you 'd better go down there . . . " and about the time that she handed me her camera , and began to head down the bleachers , Luke climbed out of the upside down car , and leaped up on the undercarriage , throwing his hands up in the air to show that he was okay . They rolled his car back onto its wheels , and then , almost immediately , his teammate , Pete , flipped his . Since Luke 's team had won the previous two years , they had become the team to beat . Their opponents were driving aggressively , and ' the Red , White , and Blue ' was responding aggressively . The final round had the two top teams coming back for the Superbowl , and as I watched , I said , " Gees . These teams are out to win . " The crowd loved it , and Luke 's team did win , for the third straight year . It was almost a relief when it was done , because it started to get scary . We drove Cara back to college . She 's hired by the college to be one of the people in charge of the dorms . She 's called an RA , gets a free room from the college that she does not have to share . That wiDebby Tim and I were talking last night in bed . I felt badly about falling apart , about reaching the point where the only thing I could do is walk into the Cancer Center and say , " Okay . I 'm having some trouble here , and I 'm not sure what I 'm supposed to do . " Tim cleared his throat . " I 'm glad that you did , " he said . " I 've been worried about this pain all week , and I 'd made up my mind to spend the weekend trying to talk you into going to the Cancer Center before the end of the month . " I knew that these were challenging times for all of us , but I don 't think that I realized how this was impacting the family until I saw Cara 's tearful face , until I saw the slightly frantic look on Tim 's face as he leapt out of the car at the Cancer Center . ( Since it was spur of the moment , he had no clue why I was there and assumed something had gotten way worse . ) Tims rarely get frantic , so this was new to me . The oncologist is good , and she did not make me a feel foolish . I explained what was going on . She offered other ideas of what could be going on besides localized advanced breast cancer . It was reassuring . She looked at me much like I had looked at Cara , I imagine . She said , just as I had said , ' Listen , I can 't tell you that you don 't have cancer again . I can 't tell you that you have nothing to be worried about . But I can tell you , right this very minute , that there is nothing here that is setting off alarms for me . ' Yesterday was an awful day for me . Yesterday , although I did not crumble and fall apart in a weeping heap of sobbing , I fell apart completely . This was a surprise to me , but I found , once again , that there is a good safety net , people who care , to catch me when I fall . People prayed , for me , for Cara . A doctor spent time to talk . The staff reassured and told me that they were glad I was there . My husband said , for the first time , how proud he was to watch me move through this as a woman of faith and courage . He said , for the first time , how horrified he was to know there was a second lump . He was very afraid , and drew strePosted by Last night was an awful night . Cara fell apart , wanting guarantees that I could not give her , that I would not give her . " Cara , " I said , " the easy thing would be to promise you that everything will be just fine . I can 't . I don 't know . " I did not realize that her friend 's mother had died . I hadn 't realized that she was struggling . I tried to say all the right things , but you know what ? I hated it . I hated watching her crying . I hated it when she looked square at me , fiercely , demanding that I promise her that I would not die of cancer . I hated it that I had to say , ' that 's not my call , Cara . ' It was an emotional evening . Being women of fine good humor , she said at one point , ' You are supposed to live long enough to get dementia and drive me crazy . . . ' and I said , helpfully , " Well , if you like , I could drool on my shirt front to make you feel better . " The conversation started off with tears , ended up with wry humor . " Hard times make you wise . . . " and " Well , I 'd just as soon be dumb as rocks . . . " When I went to bed last night , I could not sleep . My shoulder ached awfully , and the throbbing went into my back . I got up to take a pain killer . That was all she wrote . I laid awake for the rest of the night , unable to get into a comfortable position . This morning , I got up and went to work . I was sick with exhaustion , sick to my stomach . So , I gave up . Many of you suggested speaking to a doctor before the end of the month PET scan . Following your suggestions , I went to the cancer center . I told them them about the pain . About how sometimes I could not get comfortable enough to sleep . I asked questions so that I knew what to say to my kids . The blood work ' looked good ' . That was good news . And although there are unanswered questions , the doctor said there was no cause for alarm at this point in time . She also gave me a card with her phone number and a social worker 's phone number for Cara . There was some discussion about controlling the pain and getting proper rest . I walked out of there feeling better . Like at least I have a pPosted by I 've been reading about breast cancer . I had stage 2 cancer . No lymph node involvement . 17 were removed , a pretty substantial number , so I can feel pretty good about that , right ? I assumed , anyway . Fast forward . Less than 10 months after the original diagnosis , 5 months after the end of chemo , 3 months after radiation , I have a lump in my armpit . It 's a pretty large lump . I can hold my arm up and actually see it . I 've clung to the idea that it shouldn 't be cancer , because I have not had any cancer in my lymph nodes . I 'm waiting for a PET scan at the end of the month . Meanwhile , the pain in my shoulder has sort of spread into my back and my arm . I am trying very hard to be practical and sensible , but I 'm really having a hard time right now . Today , I read that there 's something called locally advanced breast cancer . Symptoms include a large lump ( typically 5 cm or more ) in the armpit , a fixed lump that is attached to the muscle or chest wall and does not move . It says that most women with locally advanced breast cancer do have lymph node involvement , however there is a subset in that group who do not have any lymph node involvement at all . It made me a little sick to read it , and in my heart , I just had this certainty that I am about to learn that I have locally advanced breast cancer . I 've been thinking about faith . Do I have it ? I thought so . Is faith what keeps you going through the motions of your day to day life when life is falling apart ? Is faith what makes you smile when you feel at a loss inside ? I don 't know . I really don 't know . I try very hard to remember that God is in this . I try to remember that He has plans to ' prosper not harm ' . I try very hard to keep the faith , but this is one loooooooooooong month . Sorry for the bummer of a post , but it is what it is . I 've been using this quiet time wisely . Tim and I went to see Asia and Yes . This was not at all quiet , but it was great fun . Steve Howe looks like a cadaver , but the man can rock . Being with both bands , he played for three hours straight . He actually seemed to gather energy as the show went on , and he is a remarkable guitar player . I am not a big ' drum solo ' fan , but Asia 's drummer did a trick where he was drumming without his hand on the stick . The crowd went screaming nuts every time it showed up on the jumbotron . Although Yes had two new members , the sound was the same , and it was an excellent show . We have company , so it is fun to reminisce and talk , quite a change from the months of coming home from work to an empty and silent house ( Tim and I work different shifts ) . Cara is home and last night , I fell asleep to the sound of her friends gathered around a camp fire , chattering into the darkness . Saturday , my old friend ( maybe better to say ' long time ' friend ) Mary and I will go to a women 's retreat . Tim and I are building a rose trellis . My shoulder aches , and the pain has moved into my arm and into my back . I wonder if this is simply my imagination . It is a strange place to be . . . anxious for this month to be done , to have the scan done , to know , for once and for all , what I am up against , but , on the same token , holding onto these golden moments , willing them to never , ever end . I 'm the wife of a good man , the mother of good kids , the grandmother of sweet William . I am a student . A small time writer for the local paper . I am funny . I am serious . I am practical . Hardworking . I make great bread . I 'm loyal . |
Today , I reported to the hospital at 11 : 30 , just as I was instructed . The PET scans are done in a portable unit that travels from one small hospital to another . The only day that they do PET scans here is on a Monday . When I pulled into the parking garage , I noticed that the tractor trailer unit was not there , and that made me a little nervous . I went into the hospital to register fully expecting to be told that my appointment was cancelled . It wasn 't , but I did have to wait until 1 for my 12 : 00 appointment . I was so relieved that my appointment was not cancelled that , really , I was okay waiting in the hospital lobby . I was reading my book and an elderly lady came down and sat across from me . I smiled and continued reading . Her daughter came in a while later , and said , " Oh , I didn 't see you at first , " to which the elderly lady responded , snappishly , " That 's because I usually sit over there ( gesturing to where I was sitting ) , but she was there , and I did not want to bother her . " I was so surprised that I nearly burst out laughing on the spot , but I kept my face straight and my nose in my book . Fellow cancer survivor Mary took a few minutes off from her desk to wander down and sit with me . She knows without words that this is a stressful time . I am just so anxious to be done , and to finally know , and to figure out what comes next . It is more helpful than I can say to have a friend who understands , no explanation required . I find myself getting a little weepy when she goes , overcome with gratitude for friends . Starvation , too , I imagine , not having eaten since 5 the previous night . Ack . They finally came to get me . Another elderly lady got frustrated . " What about me ? ! ! ! My appointment is at 1 ! " and the attendant said , " Her appointment was at noon . " On the walk back , the woman apologizes repeatedly for my wait . I don 't tell her that I would have waited all afternoon , gladly , relieved as I was that the scan was not postponed until next week . I lay in a dark room for 45 minutes holding still , waiting for the radioactive mPosted by Lying in bed tonight , unable to sleep , I thought about Monday and the PET scan . After getting through August one day at a time , after a month of trying to keep myself calm , after these weeks of choking down my concerns day after day after day , finally , at long last , August is nearly done . The only thing standing between me and Monday is Sunday . As I tried to get my aching back and shoulder comfortable , it suddenly occurred to me that I might not be ready to hear what they have to say . That was a new thought . After an entire month of waiting , now the day is nearly here , and I 'm dreading it . I gave up and took a sleeping pill . We human beings are complicated beings . Okey dokey then . I come home to find that there is a message for me on the answering machine from the fine folks at PET scan . They want me to call them back , and leave a toll free number for me to do so . It is after 5 , so I decide to call the next morning . I go to bed praying , ' Please oh please oh please , don 't postpone this appointment , people . ' I get up this morning and I call . I call . I call and I call and I call . There is no answer . So I go back through the caller ID and get the number of the place as it showed there . I called them , and got an answer . I explained the situation , and before long , I was talking to an earnest young man who explained that they had some questions . Bracing myself to hear that the test was being postponed , I heard instead , " Could you come in early ? " My instant and hopeful response was ' Today ? ' Nope . Still Monday , but two hours earlier . Yeah . I 'm kind of okay with earlier . I have to tell you that waiting any longer would have probably killed me . Then he began giving me instructions . There are a lot more of them this time than last time . I write everything down , because really , really , really , I just want this to go perfectly , for them to be able to tell me what is going on , for once and for all . Young ' Earnest ' finishes up and brightly says , ' Now , do you have any questions or requests for us ? ' Oh . This is just a little too easy . " Yes , I do , " I said . " Can you NOT find cancer this time around ? " He stuttered a little and I burst out laughing . He laughed too , uncertainly . He said , " Let me give you our toll free number just in case you need to get hold of us , and gives me the same number I 'd been calling all morning . I wandered in to the Walmart to buy my dog his canned dog food . Then I bought some cards - a couple birthday cards , an encouraging card , an aniversary card and one that I bought simply because it reminded me of my friend . I always buy sensitive and touching sorts of cards , because that is how I am . Hey . . . did you know that Harry Truman once said " Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day " ? I had to buy that one . Because it was sensitive and touching . Buuuuuut , I digress . So I 'm checking out with my pile of sensitive and touching cards and a dozen cans of ' Savory Beef Cuts in Gravy ' . My intention was to get $ 10 cash back to vacuum out my work truck before turning it back in . The new cashier efficiently rang up my stuff under the watchful eye of her trainer . I ran my debit card through and tried to enter cash back . Suddenly , in the middle of my typing , it said , ' Approved ' , without any cash back . Gaping , I said , " Well . Gees . I wanted $ 10 cash back . . . what did I do wrong ? " and the trainer with the watchful eyes said , " Well , the least you can get back is $ 20 . " I groaned dramatically . " You know , I would have never done this , being a person of strong resolve , but you have forced me into it . I 'm going to buy a candy bar so that I can get that cash back , but I am doing so under duress . " And lo . The trainer with the watchful eyes also had a quick wit . As I returned with a Snickers bar , she said , drily , " I notice you didn 't get your favorite kind , either . " To which I retorted , " This is for my dog , being that I am so high minded and full of resolve which means that I would never think of eating this candy bar . " She quickly reminded me that dogs were not supposed to have chocolate . I fixed her with a look and said , " Well , really , you 're telling me that I have no choice then . I 'll have to eat this Snickers on the way home for the good of my dog . Is that what you 're saying ? Because I will totally do that , because I love my dog . " And she said , " Yes . You have no choice . " So I ate the candy bar on the way home . Stinking Walmart . The end . We don 't laugh because we 're happy - - we 're happy because we laugh . William JamesBut the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses . They laughed at Columbus , they laughed at Fulton , they laughed at the Wright Brothers . But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown . Carl Sagan So many tangles in life are ultimately hopeless that we have no appropriate sword other than laughter . Gordon AllportNothing shows a man 's charactor more than what he laughs at . Johann Wolfgang von GoetheI am thankful for laughter , except when milk comes out of my nose . ~ Woody AllenMan , when you lose your laugh you lose your footing . ~ Ken KeseyAgainst the assault of laughter nothing can stand . - - Mark TwainYou can 't deny laughter ; when it comes , it plops down in your favorite chair and stays as long as it wants . ~ Stephen King , Hearts in AtlantisWhoever said " laughter is the best medicine " never had gonorrhea . ~ Kat Likkel and John Hoberg , My Name Is Earl , " Robbed a Stoner Blind , " original airdate 16 November 2006Today in the grocery store , I ran into an acquaintance . Before too long , we were both laughing heartily . In the midst of that , she suddenly stopped . " You 're very inspiring , " she said . Going from laughter to seriousness that quickly left me at a loss of what to say next . " No matter what , " she continued , " You 're going to find something to laugh about . It doesn 't matter how bad things get , you 'll find something hilariously funny about it . No matter what , you 'll have everyone around you laughing right along with you . " August has been kicking my butt . I thought maybe my sense of humor had headed off on vacation or something , so it was good to hear that it had not deserted me after all . Tomorrow I will hand over my keys and walk out of the office for the last time . I will come home , collect my salad , and then without delay , I will head to the house of a friend . Other friends will be there . We will eat and visit , tell each other stories , slap the table , wipe our eyes , laugh until we are gasping Posted by Only 5 more days until this PET scan . I try to take comfort in Dr . B 's words : " The blood work looks good . " I think of all the other things that this mass could be . I rely on my faith . I go through my days , one at a time , ticking them off , each on bringing me closer to Finding Out For Sure . In the midst of all of this , however , there is one thing . My shoulder hurts . It hurts a lot . Perhaps I 'm just more conscious of it , I argue to myself . Maybe now that I know about the mass , that knowledge just sort of preys on my mind , manifesting as pain because of my own worries about the unknown . Yeah . That 's it , don 't you think that sounds logical ? Except that this pain is now waking me up at night . Except that that pain seems to be more severe , radiating into the long bone of my upper arm and into my back . Bad enough to send me looking through the medicine cabinet for something to ease it . And that broken sleep probably explains today 's event : I have been trying to get as many last minute treatments done in as many mosquito ' hot spots ' as I can before the job is done . Complicating matters is the fact that because of the heavy rains , underbrush has grown up heavy and thick , meaning that I have to fight my way into some areas with a running back pack sprayer on . Today , treating one such area , I went in , twice . Using up the second tank of larvicide , I walked back to the truck . For the first time , I simply could not go on . I was just too physically tired to continue treating the area . So I stopped . What does it matter anyway ? The job is ending . Last summer , I remember one thing . I was stumble footed . I kept tripping over my own feet . It aggravated me more than words can say and there were even a couple of bad falls . ( " Graceless cow ! Pick up your feet ! " ) It did not make sense to me that I was so tired , and it is not my nature to baby myself . Impatiently , I pushed myself . Then I found out I had cancer . Am I a big baby ? Is this all my imagination ? I cannot tell you what a relief it will be to just get this PET scan over and done withPosted by It 's been a hard month , but August is nearly done . Summer is drawing to a close . I cannot tell you what the fall will bring . Even though I have not officially wound up this job , I received a surprising call today . A new position is being created , and I have been invited to apply for it . A chance meeting months ago made an impression . Who knows what will happen next , but it looks as if I might have a choice in where I go from here . It sounds strange to say , but up to this point I have not had a lot of opportunity to choose in my life . I 've always ended up doing what needed doing . I 've always ended up making the responsible decisions . Stepping into my current job was the first time in years that I had the luxury of taking a job because I wanted to do it , as opposed to taking the job because I didn 't have a choice . Just the fact that I am looking at opportunitieS is awfully exciting , and I am so grateful for that . Don 't look at the pictures if you 're squeamish , but Mikey got herself hurt . You might want to stop by and leave your best wishes . Oh . And Wade got messed up too . Confrontation with a wildeyed filly . There were no pictures of that however . Take care , you two . I watched a man walk into traffic talking on his cell phone . It 's not that he was distracted and did not notice . He just walked out into traffic , daring cars to hit him . One car got too close to him , and he spun around to glare and make motions with his hand , still talking on his cell phone . Later , when I was in a store , I heard someone yelling , " Answer me ! You answer me ! " and then , a split second later , " Nope . Too late . You took too long ! No . That 's it . " You guessed it . It was the same guy , still talking on his cell phone . He left the store still raging on his cell phone , giving the world hell one phone call at a time , glaring furiously at any passerby who dared to look at him curiously . Oh , gosh , I slapped that last post together before I headed out the door for work . ' Nothing Gold Can Stay ' was totally cut and pasted from a Robert Frost site . I did not notice that I 'd not got the title and the author note . I apologize , I apologize ! I was NOT trying to take credit for that . I do not write poetry . Cripes . That was embarrassing . Today when I went to the barns , there was another dead pigeon . There is no way to tell whether or not it was the same bird . There is no way to tell whether he died of a broken heart or whether he was stricken with some terminal pigeon disease . I wonder sometimes at all the little stories in the world that we will never know in their entirety . The month of August has been a long one . It is a very happy thing for me to look at the calendar and see that it is winding to a close . Next week , September begins . IMPORTANT EDIT : Nothing Gold Can Stay ( Robert Frost ) Nature 's first green is goldHer hardest hue to holdHer early leaf 's a flower ; But only so an hour . Then leaf subsides to leaf . So Eden sank to grief , So dawn goes down to day . Nothing gold can stay . I turned down a dirt road last week , and the sun , struggling to shine through the heavy cloud cover , cast a golden glow to the road . It was cool . The road actually looked golden . I drove along marvelling over the color . It didn 't last long , but that 's life , isn 't it ? We ramble along on our respective roads , and sometimes , for a minute , everything is golden . Those golden moments never last , but , luckily , our memories of them are forever . Today , when I went to the barns where my equipment is stored , I saw a dead pigeon laying at the corner of the barn . Without getting graphic , allow me to say that it was a fresh dead pigeon . I noticed it in the passing way that one notices these sorts of things , and went about my business , which took me to another section of the barn , far away from the first section where the dead bird was . I was working away , and boxing up my equipment when I noticed it . A pigeon standing quietly in the middle of the floor watching me . I spoke to him and he ( she ? ) stood quietly listening , and then turned and walked away , walking to , and through , the door that connects the two wings of the barn . Curiously , I watched him walk away ( he never flew ) continuing down the little anteroom that connects the two barns , walk through the far door , and pause at the body of the dead bird . I went back to work . When I left , the bird was standing outside the big double doors of the barn , staring off into the distance . He did not look at me or move as I locked up and walked to my truck . " One of two things , " I thought . " This bird is sick ( West Nile Virus ? How ironic , now that I 'm closing up shop . . . ) or this bird is grieving . " And I drove off thinking on that , feeling a little ridiculous . Just out of curiosity , when I got back to the office I checked . Know what ? Pigeons mate for life . I think of that little bird , staring off into the distance , paying me no mind at all as I broke off bits of my midmorning granola bar and tossed them his way . And all day , I 've wondered . Do pigeons mourn ? I 've ' met ' a lot of people through blogging . One of those people is Stephanie , over at ' Bah ! to cancer ' . She 's currently at the LiveStrong Global Cancer Summit in Dublin . Bless her little cotton socks , look what she 's done ! She ' tweets ' if you want to follow her on twitter , but she 'll also be blogging about the happenings there , if you wish to follow along . You know , I needed this weekend . I bought myself a bottle of wine Friday night . It has been such a rough and long month that I had plans to have a glass or two of wine curled up in bed with a good book ( ' The Lemon Tree ' by Sandy Tolan ) . I had a glass of wine , read a couple of pages , dozed off by eight . I spent time with my husband . We worked on an apartment , but it felt good to work alongside him in our normal quiet way . I spent an afternoon making homemade pizzas . That felt good too . Somehow , it makes me feel centered to putter around in the kitchen , to have the time to putter around in the kitchen . Tim and I went walking in a cemetary , and he showed me an old suspension bridge . I traversed the wires in a dress ( I had swapped the heels for a pair of flats ) . I went to meet a friend at her church this morning . We 've been writing back and forth on the internet , and she has been a blessing to me . Tim and I both felt that we were right where we were supposed to be this morning , as we listened to her husband preach . In visiting with them , we were amazed that these quiet people have been part of some mighty works of God , including starting ( from scratch ) a Halfway House for men . It 's been a rough month , really , but you know what ? I am blessed . I am so blessed . I 'm blessed that God puts me into contact with people that encourage me when my own spirits lag . I am blessed to be one half of a marriage that works . I am blessed to have food in my pantry . My children . My friends . The list of good things in my life is a long one indeed . This weekend was badly needed . A chance to calm myself , center myself , to fix mine eyes upon the hills . There is a lot of uncertainty in my life right now , but this weekend put things right for me again . I find that I am waiting not with dread , but with expectation . Well , I laughed my way through Bushbabe 's post about Vegemite this morning . Laughed my hind end off . Someday , I 'll give that Vegemite a little try . Over at her sister 's blog , Jeanie was talking about the great Tim Tam dilemna / dilemma . I had to google Tim Tam right away , and they do look like tasty little things ( unlike vegemite . . . sorry BB , but it 's the truth . . . ) . I was a bit mystified as to why any person would stop to quibble about spelling in the face of FREE COOKIES FOR A YEAR ! Jeanie informed me that they were NOT cookies , they were biccies . ( what the heck is a biccie . . . ) Oy . The two of them . . . it 's like they live in a foreign country or something , the rosy cheeked little Tim Tam eating vegemites . To my American ears , that sounds quite like a dandy little epithet . . . You know , I 've been having a rough time lately . The whole PET scan thing . Cara headed off back to school . Finding out my job is cut . I 've been struggling . I try to be positive and patient , but sometimes life just sucks . I received an e - mail reminding me of the Cancer Support Group meeting tonight . On the spur of the moment , I decided to go . I 'd met the leader before , at the Relay for Life . She was glad to see me . As I began to meet people , my name was recognized from the paper . Turns out , my phrase ' every good thing in my life has only been made better by cancer ' had stuck in people 's minds . They agreed that it was true . We talked about a lot of truths . When it was done , I walked out of there chatting with everyone as if I 'd known them a hundred years . I am still losing my job . I still have the uncertainty of cancer hanging over my head . I still have children I am concerned about . Listening to their concerns about their upcoming PET scans helped . Listening to the stories of other mothers , that helped too . A lost job ? Eh . Not really such a big deal compared to some of the things you can lose along the way in cancer - land . And you know what ? It was very good to be reminded of these things . I received a letter asking that I come in to have a picture taken to display for Breast Cancer Awareness month . You all know how much I love having my picture taken . Not . This is different though , and I will have the picture taken . I will come up with a few words about my experience . Know why ? Last year , I found the cancer just before Breast Cancer Awareness Month . I remember walking into the hospital very early in the morning for the surgery , and I remember being greeted by great arcs of pink balloons , and the Survivor 's Wall , rows of pictures , their words . I was at a very hard place then . I was afraid . It was all new . It was unreal . I just could not wrap my head around the fact that it was happening to me . Was I going to die ? I did not have a clue and I was just sick about it . I hadn 't slept much the night before . It all just seemed so big , so completely overwhelming . While Tim was taking care of the registration , I took a minute to wander through these pictures , to read the words , and you know what ? It was a very ' real ' moment for me . It helped . I recognized faces , and I thought , " Oh , I did not know that she had breast cancer . . . " and it was encouraging to think of that person as I 'd seen them last , lively , active , busy . And two days later , I was back for the medport . I read more of those words , studied more faces . I remember Elaine , the nice nurse telling me that she was sorry to hear that it was cancer , but that she was sure that I had what it took to beat it . During that uncertain time , the words that I read on the Survivor Wall gave me hope . The encouraging words that people struggled to come up with meant a lot to me too . I tucked these things away in my heart , clung to them like a lifeline . There are a lot of things that I 'm not really sure of right this very minute . However , I am sure that if I can encourage one woman who has heard , for the first time , " You have cancer , " then I need to do it . It 's a debt of honor . I owe it on behalf of every single person that has helped me during this long , long year . EvePosted by . . . I discovered that my job is done . Pennsylvania is still finangling a budget , but in the meantime , I 've lost my job as of August 31st . I 'm a little surprised . The last word that I received was that they were keeping the West Nile Virus program intact . I pulled off the road while DEP was telling me the news . Rick felt badly . He assured me repeatedly that it had nothing to do with job performance because I ran a very good program , one of the best under his jurisdiction . That was nice of him to say , and I 'm glad that he took the time to say it . It is what it is . I met Mary in the Walmart parking lot . I was headed to my car , she was headed in . She 's frustrated . She was trying to get ready to head to Washington DC with friends . She lost her prosthetic boobs . " I 've looked everywhere , " she grumbled . I burst out laughing and rewrote a phrase : " She 'd lose her boobs if they weren 't attached . . . " In the never ending quest to find the humor in this situation , I 've named ' my girls ' . They are ' Flopsy ' and ' Not - sy ' . I took a test for a new job yesterday . I usually am a knockout in standardized testing . Yeah , this time , I don 't think so . Really . This test was two hours long . Lots of calculating . They told us repeatedly that they did not expect us to finish the sections in the alloted time . Good . I didn 't . Meanwhile , this little brainiac sitting next to me did . I 'd be scribbling away , and I 'd hear the ' click ' of her pencil being set on the table , and look over to see her leaning back , hands folded . It was a testimony to my own state of unstress that I did not reach across the table and smack her one . I did not know the test was going to be so long . I usually don 't eat breakfast , having a fruit bar in midmorning . I was getting hungry . At the end of one section of testing , I commented that I should have eaten breakfast . One witchy little thing said , " Sure . That 's a good excuse for not doing well . You didn 't eat breakfast . " Number one , was it that obvious that I was not doing well ? Number two , it wasn 't an excuse . ( I 'd have offered up ' chemo brain ' if I needed an excuse . . . and I don 't think I was doing that badly , truth be told . I was just not as quick as young brainiac sitting right next to me . ) In another testimony to my state of unstress , I did not snap at witch - y woman , and was able to see that she probably was having trouble with the test . She stressed , unlike some ( me ) . Sad thing is 50 people were there for that testing . They had two more tests to run , and expected that many at all of them . Doing some quick calculations , I came up with this : Debby + this job = snowball 's chance in hellPosted by I just spent over two hours counting mosquitoes , including one sample that contained 800 + mosquitoes which had to be separated from about 800 + other insects . All this rain has created wonderful breeding sites , and the mosquitoes are taking advantage of this . And know what else ? It 's still raining . Posted by Friday was my fall apart day . By Friday night , I was feeling a little embarrassed about the whole thing . I 'd been pushing myself physically , at work . I 'd been staying up late to entertain company . I was in pain , and privately trying to deal with my own fears . Cara was trying to deal with her own fears , prepare to head back to school , and both of us , overstressed , tired , and worried , fell apart . She , because she was concerned about me , me , because I didn 't know how to ' fix it ' for her . Going to the Cancer Center and getting some questions answered was the right thing to do . Although I had planned to set some traps over the weekend , I did not . I decided to take it easy . Tim and I went to watch stock car football . Laughter is the best medicine , and I got a heaping dose of it . We sat with a group of friends , and we are a funny bunch of people . We all laughed ourselves stupid . It was also scary . Luke , our friends ' son , flipped his car . He didn 't get out of the car for a heartstopping time . " Mary , " I said , " maybe you 'd better go down there . . . " and about the time that she handed me her camera , and began to head down the bleachers , Luke climbed out of the upside down car , and leaped up on the undercarriage , throwing his hands up in the air to show that he was okay . They rolled his car back onto its wheels , and then , almost immediately , his teammate , Pete , flipped his . Since Luke 's team had won the previous two years , they had become the team to beat . Their opponents were driving aggressively , and ' the Red , White , and Blue ' was responding aggressively . The final round had the two top teams coming back for the Superbowl , and as I watched , I said , " Gees . These teams are out to win . " The crowd loved it , and Luke 's team did win , for the third straight year . It was almost a relief when it was done , because it started to get scary . We drove Cara back to college . She 's hired by the college to be one of the people in charge of the dorms . She 's called an RA , gets a free room from the college that she does not have to share . That wiDebby Tim and I were talking last night in bed . I felt badly about falling apart , about reaching the point where the only thing I could do is walk into the Cancer Center and say , " Okay . I 'm having some trouble here , and I 'm not sure what I 'm supposed to do . " Tim cleared his throat . " I 'm glad that you did , " he said . " I 've been worried about this pain all week , and I 'd made up my mind to spend the weekend trying to talk you into going to the Cancer Center before the end of the month . " I knew that these were challenging times for all of us , but I don 't think that I realized how this was impacting the family until I saw Cara 's tearful face , until I saw the slightly frantic look on Tim 's face as he leapt out of the car at the Cancer Center . ( Since it was spur of the moment , he had no clue why I was there and assumed something had gotten way worse . ) Tims rarely get frantic , so this was new to me . The oncologist is good , and she did not make me a feel foolish . I explained what was going on . She offered other ideas of what could be going on besides localized advanced breast cancer . It was reassuring . She looked at me much like I had looked at Cara , I imagine . She said , just as I had said , ' Listen , I can 't tell you that you don 't have cancer again . I can 't tell you that you have nothing to be worried about . But I can tell you , right this very minute , that there is nothing here that is setting off alarms for me . ' Yesterday was an awful day for me . Yesterday , although I did not crumble and fall apart in a weeping heap of sobbing , I fell apart completely . This was a surprise to me , but I found , once again , that there is a good safety net , people who care , to catch me when I fall . People prayed , for me , for Cara . A doctor spent time to talk . The staff reassured and told me that they were glad I was there . My husband said , for the first time , how proud he was to watch me move through this as a woman of faith and courage . He said , for the first time , how horrified he was to know there was a second lump . He was very afraid , and drew strePosted by Last night was an awful night . Cara fell apart , wanting guarantees that I could not give her , that I would not give her . " Cara , " I said , " the easy thing would be to promise you that everything will be just fine . I can 't . I don 't know . " I did not realize that her friend 's mother had died . I hadn 't realized that she was struggling . I tried to say all the right things , but you know what ? I hated it . I hated watching her crying . I hated it when she looked square at me , fiercely , demanding that I promise her that I would not die of cancer . I hated it that I had to say , ' that 's not my call , Cara . ' It was an emotional evening . Being women of fine good humor , she said at one point , ' You are supposed to live long enough to get dementia and drive me crazy . . . ' and I said , helpfully , " Well , if you like , I could drool on my shirt front to make you feel better . " The conversation started off with tears , ended up with wry humor . " Hard times make you wise . . . " and " Well , I 'd just as soon be dumb as rocks . . . " When I went to bed last night , I could not sleep . My shoulder ached awfully , and the throbbing went into my back . I got up to take a pain killer . That was all she wrote . I laid awake for the rest of the night , unable to get into a comfortable position . This morning , I got up and went to work . I was sick with exhaustion , sick to my stomach . So , I gave up . Many of you suggested speaking to a doctor before the end of the month PET scan . Following your suggestions , I went to the cancer center . I told them them about the pain . About how sometimes I could not get comfortable enough to sleep . I asked questions so that I knew what to say to my kids . The blood work ' looked good ' . That was good news . And although there are unanswered questions , the doctor said there was no cause for alarm at this point in time . She also gave me a card with her phone number and a social worker 's phone number for Cara . There was some discussion about controlling the pain and getting proper rest . I walked out of there feeling better . Like at least I have a pPosted by I 've been reading about breast cancer . I had stage 2 cancer . No lymph node involvement . 17 were removed , a pretty substantial number , so I can feel pretty good about that , right ? I assumed , anyway . Fast forward . Less than 10 months after the original diagnosis , 5 months after the end of chemo , 3 months after radiation , I have a lump in my armpit . It 's a pretty large lump . I can hold my arm up and actually see it . I 've clung to the idea that it shouldn 't be cancer , because I have not had any cancer in my lymph nodes . I 'm waiting for a PET scan at the end of the month . Meanwhile , the pain in my shoulder has sort of spread into my back and my arm . I am trying very hard to be practical and sensible , but I 'm really having a hard time right now . Today , I read that there 's something called locally advanced breast cancer . Symptoms include a large lump ( typically 5 cm or more ) in the armpit , a fixed lump that is attached to the muscle or chest wall and does not move . It says that most women with locally advanced breast cancer do have lymph node involvement , however there is a subset in that group who do not have any lymph node involvement at all . It made me a little sick to read it , and in my heart , I just had this certainty that I am about to learn that I have locally advanced breast cancer . I 've been thinking about faith . Do I have it ? I thought so . Is faith what keeps you going through the motions of your day to day life when life is falling apart ? Is faith what makes you smile when you feel at a loss inside ? I don 't know . I really don 't know . I try very hard to remember that God is in this . I try to remember that He has plans to ' prosper not harm ' . I try very hard to keep the faith , but this is one loooooooooooong month . Sorry for the bummer of a post , but it is what it is . I 've been using this quiet time wisely . Tim and I went to see Asia and Yes . This was not at all quiet , but it was great fun . Steve Howe looks like a cadaver , but the man can rock . Being with both bands , he played for three hours straight . He actually seemed to gather energy as the show went on , and he is a remarkable guitar player . I am not a big ' drum solo ' fan , but Asia 's drummer did a trick where he was drumming without his hand on the stick . The crowd went screaming nuts every time it showed up on the jumbotron . Although Yes had two new members , the sound was the same , and it was an excellent show . We have company , so it is fun to reminisce and talk , quite a change from the months of coming home from work to an empty and silent house ( Tim and I work different shifts ) . Cara is home and last night , I fell asleep to the sound of her friends gathered around a camp fire , chattering into the darkness . Saturday , my old friend ( maybe better to say ' long time ' friend ) Mary and I will go to a women 's retreat . Tim and I are building a rose trellis . My shoulder aches , and the pain has moved into my arm and into my back . I wonder if this is simply my imagination . It is a strange place to be . . . anxious for this month to be done , to have the scan done , to know , for once and for all , what I am up against , but , on the same token , holding onto these golden moments , willing them to never , ever end . I 'm the wife of a good man , the mother of good kids , the grandmother of sweet William . I am a student . A small time writer for the local paper . I am funny . I am serious . I am practical . Hardworking . I make great bread . I 'm loyal . |
It is Monday morning and I 'm not home . In fact , I didn 't go home yesterday . I stayed another night at the cabin and I 'm certainly glad I did . The evening was pretty quiet up here as most everybody went home from the weekend . There are mainly the residents still here . I had dinner with one of those couples and it was very pleasant . I didn 't stay long but opted to go to Sin and Bare 's along with Harri and Jimbo . They had been out on the pontoon boat ALL day long and were exhausted but were having dinner and sitting around the fire . I joined for a brief time but was soon home about 10 to watch the news . I didn 't make it long for the news as I fell asleep on the couch and woke up about 11 : 30 and hit the bed . It was such a cool evening I turned the A / C off and opened the windows and turned the fan on . This morning is crisp and I 'm actually sitting at the neighbors deck using the other neighbors Internet connection with a jacket on . The sounds of the morning here are just incredible . I hear the birds , all kinds of birds waking up the world here . In the distance I can hear cows bellowing to be milked and dogs baying at something they have seen . The only sound of humans is the very distant interstate where the cars are making their early morning commutes . Now that it is after eight the workmen have descended upon the area to work on some of the remodeling that is constantly going on up here . The hammers , drills and saws have started their sing - song for the day . I can really do without that . Now I can hear one of their radios blaring through the nature sounds , breaking the solitude that I have found here . Across the road at Gary 's cabin and his neighbors cabin there is a crazy red cardinal that is constantly bashing his poor little head against the windows . He has done this for months now , back and forth from one picture window to the other . I think he sees another male cardinal and is doing the territorial thing . It goes on all day long and will probably kill him . Poor thing . They should hang a piece of cardboard or somethPosted by I have figured out the reason for the depression . I was able to get away for the weekend early on Friday to the cabin . YIPEE ! I arrived and enjoyed an afternoon sitting in the screened in porch reading and alone . The Hubby would arrive in the late afternoon as we had a dinner / birthday party to go to . The dinner was great fun but I was just exhausted and still feeling in the dumps . Saturday morning came and I was up and on the porch again to enjoy journaling and reading . About 10 am I headed to the little girls room and who should join me but Mother Nature . Aw , that explains a lot of my mood swings , depression , crying , and general bitchiness . I have not met the woman since January so it was a complete shock to encounter her but I should have known . I couldn 't believe it . Last night a group of us went on a ride on the pontoon boat that Bare and Sin own and watched the sunset . It was quite awesome as the water is so high that no one is on the river . This morning I was up at 7am ( slept in a couple of hours ) and on the porch to read and journal but the morning was moving fast . I knew the guys from the boat last night were planning on going jug fishing this morning but of the four of them three were a lot drunk and I wasn 't sure they would remember the plan . But , at 8am the phone rang and Bare was next door calling all the guys out to play , with bloodshot eyes . So off they have gone fishing on this absolutely beautiful morning . The plan for the girls this afternoon is to take a floating cruise on the pontoon and sunbathe but I 'm begging off because I don 't thing my body will allow that luxury today . So I will sit in my hammock in my bathing suit and maybe turn the sprinkler on myself occassionaly . It is a beautiful morning with a cool breeze , wonderful sunshine and peace an quiet . Next weekend won 't be the case as the families and extended famlies and friends will descend on this most precious real estate and I will want to hide in my cabin . I hate all the hoopla that goes with the 4th , like the concept but hate the bigilPosted by I 'm depressed , I 'm sad and just in the dumps this week . I miss my Momma . I miss my best friend . I 'm lonely . I feel I 'm at the bottom of emotions this week . I don 't know what has set me off but probably I have never gotten over the immense loss of the two in a few short months 2 years ago . Yesterday I tried to get hold of a few people to go to lunch with no luck . My cell phone has not rung all week long except for my daughters . I am lonely for friends . I miss my friends . I miss someone to talk to everyday or so . Tonight The Hubby and I went out to dinner at one of our favorite restaurants , The Garlic Rose . { On a side note the group Hanson came in and sat at a table within eye shot . } On our way to the restaurant The Hubby asked what was wrong and I told him , " I 'm missing Momma and Gail " , but the words were choked . I just couldn 't get them out . I was emotionally raw . We talked about it a little at dinner and he seemed understanding . After dinner we decided to run through Utica Square to check out the band and the people . As luck would have it we found a great parking spot and walked over to the band and people area , LOTS of people . It was so very hot I could hardly stand it . I was wearing my jeans and socks and tennis shoes , not the wardrobe for standing in the sun and sweating . Since I had sweat buckets this morning I was not in the mood to sweat again . The Hubby kept hounding me to dance but I was not in the mood . I was not going to dance and shake my bootie in front of all of Tulsa , especially feeling as depressed as I was , AND sweaty . Finally , after standing there for an hour I was able to convince him to leave , but he was giving me crap for not dancing . He said he thought dancing might be the perfect remedy for my depression . WHAT ! Really . I don 't think so . I know he loves dancing but I don 't . He said that making my husband happy might be a nice thing to do and I told him that I was going to concentrate on making ME happy first . It pissed him off but I don 't care . It is NOT about him . It is about me for once . I ' mPosted by I took the day off , yes I took the whole day off today . I first ventured to the gardens , as we once called them . The gardens are the fresh produce markets , well , not so fresh and homegrown anymore . When I was a kid we went to the gardens to help my Momma and Granny pick things like green beans , tomatoes and cucumbers . There was a favorite place called Boggs that was the best . The ones now are just not that great anymore and ship in more than they grow . I should have just stayed closer to my own grocery store to get fresh vegetables as I was very disappointed by the long trip . It was also very sad for me as I had not been since Momma was alive and it just brought me down . I called a few friends to see if they wanted to have lunch but I got hold of NO ONE ! Another sad time . I 'm lonely . So I decided to stop in at Windsor Market , a decorating and ( some ) antiques store where my brother - in - law has a booth . I found a few things to buy and then decided to call my mother - in - law and see if she was home . I had not been to her new apartment since she moved in and wanted to see her place so I visited and then took myself to lunch . Now comes the fun . I went to the store and while walking the aisles I notice the new Bud Light Lime . . . YUMMMMYYYY ! ! ! I put some in my cart and finished shopping and went to check out . This WONDERFUL check out lady started giggling and told me she needed to see my ID . What . . . I stood there for a minute and she just kept standing there smiling at me and said it again . Well , okay . She said I had such a youthful face she needed to see it . I pulled it out and showed it to her and her eyes bugged out and she said we were the same age and that I looked wonderful and young . I told her thank you and she again said I looked so young . I really don 't know if she was kidding or just being a very nice lady but I think I 'll take this compliment after a downer day . My to do list for today : · Eat lunch ( check ) · Clean out refrigerator ( check ) · Clean out Pantry ( check ) · Put away laundry · Clean out guest closet · Clean out my closet ( shift summer / winter to guest closet ) · Clean out " my " room closetOK the first three I accomplished today and I will probably get to the laundry later on tonight . The last three will take me a lot more time probably a day for each , whenever I find the time . There was a little hitch in the cleaning out the fridge . The stupid thing is two years old and if you leave the door open for 10 minutes it shuts off and has to , well , re - boot itself and as of three hours later it has yet to do that . I 'm ticked off but I thought I had better leave it alone and let it do its thing . The pantry took me about 3 hours to get all of it out and then re - stocked . I threw away four bags of trash and old , very old cake mixes and hard as a rock brown sugar . It looked as if I cornered the market on sugar and flour . The pantry was loaded down with 20 pounds of sugar and 20 pounds of flour that I bought in anticipation of baking for Christmas ( we don 't even eat sugar here . ) Well , since we were out of power for what 13 days just before Christmas there was no baking except fruitcake one night . Today is also my baby 's 23rd birthday . Yes , 23 years ago today I was in labor . Not a long one really , 9 hours from the first contraction started . She had a rough few minutes start because the cord was wrapped around her throat and she was not breathing , a blue baby . But within seconds there was a cry and we knew all was well . She is a beautiful , beautiful talented girl who has a heart of gold . Happy Birthday A … I love you dearly … Love Momma It is 9 : 32 am Saturday morning and I am sitting in my favorite chair in town . We didn 't go to the lake / cabin as B had a girls weekend at our place . The sunshine is just streaming through the dirty windows of my room but will I clean them , I don 't think so . It is quiet except for my fingers tapping away here on the keyboard . I 've got my I - Tunes up listening to some relaxing spa music but I can also hear the washer chug - chugging along with my clothes and Neo the canary is trying to outdo the sounds of a household . The Hubby had to take a drive to the cabin as there is a board meeting up there this morning but he will be back for the birthday for our great - niece this afternoon . This has been a fairly easy week with not much happening . The MIL finally is settling down in her new digs and unpacking boxes . The service that is running her estate sale at the house has been hard at it with today the last day of the sale . The Hubby said that it has been going well and thinks nearly all of the leftover stuff will be gone . The realtor called The Hubby yesterday and said there was a really , really good nibble on the house and so he 's milking it and hopefully there will be a contract in a few days . It is about time . The house has sat on the market since October 2007 . It really is a great house but she put it on the market at the wrong time and then the ice storm , then the rains , then the economy . It was really just bad timing but it will sell , eventually . The Hubby has been over there many , many nights and days trying to fix different things and he is just exhausted . The middle bro has been there too helping her with the move , he 's a designer , that was his expertise . I helped with the packing and the move . The oldest bro and his wife have not even peeked their little eyelids into the whole operation . Oh I will not start there . Tomorrow will be my little girls birthday . Twenty - three years ago I was approaching the birth of a most beautiful girl , A . I am very proud of her and miss her terribly as she lives in California . She is maPosted by Okay , okay . . . I 'm a fan and I can 't help it . I am watching the Daytime Emmy 's right now and one of my very favorite actors just WON ! My favorite soap opera 's are As The World Turns and Guiding Light but I don 't get to watch often anymore . I remember my mother watching both of these shows when I was about 4 years old so I 'm a long time fan . Anyway , my favorite actor on Guiding Light was Tom Pelphrey . He is no longer on the show but occasionally he pops back on for a few days and I will tape them . He is a magnificent actor and on the left side of my blog is a clip of the most powerful scenes he was in when his wife died on the show . You can get to the end of the clip to see the most powerful scene , but WOW . Every time I see it I am moved . I guess you would have to see the whole maturation of the character of Jonathan he played to truly understand the power of his performance . It was absolutely incredible . He played a bad boy which is probably the attraction , who knows . I hope you take a look . I just witnessed a nasty , nasty wreck in midtown . I was sitting behind a large SUV waiting to turn left . Another smaller car like a Avalon or such was facing the SUV wanting to turn his left . I saw the smaller car begin to try to inch to turn left and so I instinctively looked in my rear view mirror and saw a Tahoe or Suburban hauling ass on the right side lane . I started yelling , " NO , NO , NO ! " and waved my hands but there was nothing that could be done . The impact was massive and it spun the smaller car completely around and when it stopped all kinds of fluids were running out of the car and the whole front was smashed . A man from a side street ran quickly to the smaller car and opened the door . An elderly man was sitting there dazed and the airbag was deployed . I looked to my right and the Tahoe / Suburban had been hurled into a yard where it had smashed into a small tree and then a house . I drove on through because there were tons of people jumping out of cars at that time that could help . In the other car the driver was sitting in the seat with the airbag deployed and was obviously unconscious to the point I could not tell if it was a man or a woman as the head was back . I was terribly shaken and called The Hubby to tell him to not go that way home and he yelled that someone should have stayed to tell the police what had happened . I felt that was directed towards me . There were lots of other cars / people there that had witnessed the accident and I didn 't see the need to stay and back up more traffic . I was torn about what to do but I didn 't need The Hubby yelling . Maybe I should have stayed but I just didn 't know . That is one of the first accidents I have ever witnessed . Was I bad for not jumping out and assisting ? Was it my duty as a bystander to get involved ? Granted I was a witness but there were other people . Now I feel horrible for not staying . I just don 't know what was right . My philosophy is to move the traffic on . Too many people can muck up things , rubber - necking and all but I was a witness . I just donPosted by My typical day actually started last night about 11 : 30 pm . I had dosed off to sleep about 10 : 15 just after the weather forcast . The Hubby had fallen asleep on the couch again and that is where I left him . Usually I turn off my cell phone but I was very rudely awakened with the little sing - song I have for A in Californina and mind you there is a 2 hour time difference , so it was about 9 : 15 there . I jumped out of bed and grabbed the TV control and tried to mess with the TV which was off and then realized that it was my phone . The Hubby gets very much in a terrible , hateful mood if the phone rings after 9 pm so I was worried he would come flying in the bedroom to growl about people not knowing what time it was . I was spared his rampage as it was the cell phone and he didn 't hear it . A was crying but I was not awake enough to show much concern . The conversations I am now having with my children really surprise me . She was upset that she might have a . . . wait for it . . . hemorroid and her stomach was upset . This child has always had problems with those bodily functions so this was not a new subject for us . I told her she probably needed to see a doctor . She freaked and said , " RIGHT NOW . " I told her to calm down and that it could wait at least until tomorrow . I wasn 't really a sympathic listener to her plight , especially from so far away in the middle of the night . I calmed her down and she said good night quickly . Then I thankfully trudged back to my comfy bed and lay there tossing and turning for two hours . I couldn 't go back to sleep . Crap ! I had to get up as usual for Jazzercise and another personal training session so I 've had about 4 hours sleep . YAAWWWN . I did make it to both workouts . In between the workouts I came home for breakfast and to put on a pot of beans in the crockpot , but just before I left for the personal trainer I realized the stupid crockpot was not on . I tried another outlet but dummy me didn 't change walls , a breaker was tripped . I just thought after PT I would go to Target and get a new crockpot . ItPosted by You know I feel as if I 'm writing to myself here and in a sense I am but I would like a little audience here . It seems like no one EVER visits my blog except a good friend and a VERY occasional stranger . I 've tried visiting and commenting on others blogs . I read over 30 blogs , not always commenting on them but I do read . I just don 't get it . Does my writing or my life not appeal to others or am I just not marketing myself that well ? I am really a novice to this stuff as far as computer - eaze goes but I 've learned by trial and error . I guess I 'm not that new as I 've been blogging since about 2006 . I just don 't know where to go . I tried to sign up on BlogHer and I have so much trouble getting that blasted site to keep my info updated . I spent an entire hour last night ( and that 's not the first time ) trying to get my info on there and just became frustrated and quit . I 've read on Blogger about how to sign up with blog directories and I 've done a few but still I sit and the tally marks of visitors keep adding up but they are mostly my own looking at my blog as I like to look at my pictures . It 's a comfortable place for me to visit and I don 't know why it isn 't for others . Oh well , I will just continue to blog here and one of these YEARS maybe someone will find me and visit . I 've been in a fog for several , several days now and I can 't quite explain what is going on with me . I think , think I 've blogged about possibly being visited by Mother Nature after 6 months of nothing and that being the culprit . It could also be the unending rain that is plaguing this area and most of the Midwest now . I remember when I was about 14 years old when there was a June where it rained and stormed almost the entire month so I guess we were due for the torrential rains , but two years in a row I 'm about done . Last week I didn 't work out much as I felt terrible and today I was very low key at Jazzercise and the personal trainer , Wade commented how low my energy level was today . In fact , my knees and ankles are bothering me which is probably fPosted by This is a pic that B sent to The Hubby for Father 's Day . A wife can be just so proud of her little boy . . . uh I mean Hubby . Posted by Well today is Father 's Day and we came back early from the cabin to spend it with my family , my father . We went to the cabin Friday evening and had a nice visit with the neighbors and shared a beer and glass of wine . There were not a lot of people there so it was fairly quiet . We had planned on coming back last night but The Hubby had spent all day long putting in the lights on the neighbors new deck and he was just exhausted so YIPEE we stayed . It was one of the most perfect evenings . The temperature was just perfect and we enjoyed most of the evening outdoors on the new deck ( not quite finished ) . Harri fixed roast , corn on the cob , mixed veggies and french bread and I washed it down with a few Bud Light Lime beers . . . very yum . Then Harri decided she wanted to go on a golf cart ride before the sun set so off we went , her with her glass of wine and me with a glass of Pama ( pomegranete liquor - more very yum . ) We drove every road , gravel and paved looking for where there might be a party but it was pretty quiet . We watched the firefly 's buzzing around in the meadow , watched some people playing a little golf on our 4 holes and hoped to see a deer or two . As the darkness crept up and we were driving on a road by Mud Flats a little creature ran in front of us . At first I thought it was a tiny deer but my mind immediately knew what it was . It was a tiny fox , very young . It was just darling as it stopped by some steps of a cabin and just sat and watched us watch it . Very sweet . This weekend I really got into my book " The Book Thief " and yesterday as I sat on the porch and read it I was taken with warm thoughts of my Momma . Momma was an avid reader . She loved and I mean LOVED books and she instilled in my brother , sister and I the love of reading . We all three can not get enough reading done . She used to go to the library and check out 5 or 6 books every two weeks and would inhale them . Well , this book I 'm reading is about a little girl in Nazi Germany and one of the parts of the book is her love of books and reading and asPosted by I am fixin ' to let loose on The Hubby . I did not go to work out this morning as it was raining buckets and my little car would float away . I decided to stay home from the office today and just enjoy the rain and clean out some drawers and closets . I was having a nice time just spending time alone , by myself , talking to myself and enjoying the absolute quiet here and besides B is fielding the phone calls and stuff at the office . On top of all of this I have a feeling that Mother Nature is trying to rear her very ugly head as I feel just icky today . Hopefully it will pass as I haven 't seen her since January . Anyway , I was minding my own business just puttering around when I heard the garage door open . DAMN ! I should have known better than to think he would not want to find out what I was up too . He starts in on me about not coming into the office and whether B can do some of the invoicing . I told him she could , that it could even wait till tomorrow when I am in in the morning . He didn 't hear that part . He heard that I would be at a funeral tomorrow of a high school friend and then visit my daddy and then out to dinner with my aunt , he didn 't hear that I would be in in the morning . He went off on me about invoicing . I went off about him waiting sometimes for weeks to get it ready for me to type it could wait one day . I told him not to do this today . The day I decide to not be there on purpose and he gets his panties all in a twist that I am not at his beck and call . Crap , I get so mad at him for this . There can be days , and I mean days where I sit in that office with absolutely nothing to do and the ONE day I take off is the day when the world , his world is coming to an end . I think he is relying on me way too much here . ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH ! ! ! ! ! ! ! The rain started about 11 : 30 last night and continued its onslaught all night long . It was rather pleasant listening to it fall on the roof while we slept . This morning when the alarm went off to wake us for workout I just rolled over . I knew with all the rain and street flooding that I was not about to test my little car in the rushing waters . So I nuzzled down in the covers and continued to sleep , or at least tried to sleep . I knew this was a dangerous move on my part but I couldn 't help it , besides my calves are killing me today after Saturday night of dancing . Then at 7 am I realized I needed to get up for the personal trainer but the rain was continuing to dance on the roof and I was just not in the mood to do it , so I called and begged off . I know that was bad but sometimes you just need a break . I might go to the office but you know what , with B there I don 't need to . I think I 'll stay here and do my crossword , Sudoku and read . I might do a little laundry and try to clean out a closet , might . It was a blast . We danced for a solid 3 hours in the living room and I actually did the running man . If you only knew how much I have wanted to dance like I danced last night and with 22 pounds gone and the working out that I do I was the queen bee on the dance floor last night . In fact one of my friends told me I was so smooth on the dance floor and that I was better than the dancers on " So You Think You Can Dance " . What a great compliment and I could let it go to my head but I am a realist . I told The Hubby later from watching the show that those kind of compliments for people who are a little bad in the dance department , well you know , can make them think they are the greatest dancers on the earth , I 'm NOT . Sin & Bare and Harri and Jimbo did all the food last night with fried Basa fish , fried chicken , french fries and salad . The wine was plenty . Surprisingly I don 't have a headache but my feet and legs are a little sore . Pictures will explain the fun we all had . Now this is a party . Posted by It is Saturday and I may be a widow by the day 's end if he doesn 't STOP IT ! He is driving me crazy . Tonight is the big birthday party for ME at the cabin and he is doing his usual obsessive compulsive crap he does when he knows people are coming . It is early and I want to enjoy the peace and quiet but he is not letting me at all . He got up , had his breakfast and then came out on the porch and started talking about sweeping the porch , mopping the porch , cleaning some in the house , etc . I just don 't get all whacked out when company is coming although I am going to do some stuff because world renowned interior designer CF is coming and being a world renowned interior designer I really want to make an impression with him as far as our cabin goes . I know it is not his usual Country French , it is Country The Hubby and I love it . I am excited about the party tonight but I want to enjoy myself a little today and not have the anxiety his mustering up today . Last night we went on a boat cruise on Bare & Sin 's pontoon boat with Jimbo & Harri and G & G . Harri fixed sloppy joes that we took to eat while watching the sun go down . I made some CD 's for Bare and Sin and we listened to them and danced and sang our little hearts out . It was great fun . I really was not sure I would enjoy myself as I 'm not a boat person but it was fun . I don 't want to go if there are tons of people on the boat but it was a perfect number of us . ( Oh man , The Hubby is now cleaning the little man that sits on our wall . He has a scrub brush and is washing him … hey wait I think that the scrub brush is the kitchen brush from my sink . HE IS DRIVING ME CRAZY . ) Luckily Harri called and wanted me to go to town to the store and I rushed out . It was nice to get away from the hustle and bustle that is known as The Hubby . Right now I 'm sitting on a rock wall in between Harri 's and our cabin tapping into G 's Internet connection to blog here . Again I had to get away from The Hubby . We just had loud words about the music that will be playing tonight . He is DPosted by Today is my birthday . Yes I 'm going to shout it out to the heavens . TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY ! ! ! ! I went to workout , then to work , then to my facial and massage and I 've just finished eating Taco Bell . I haven 't had that in over a year and I decided that today I would enjoy ! Now it is time to clean the house a little , wash my hair ( all the oil from the massage ) , go to the store and then PARTY TIME . Already I 've received several email messages from friends and family and a flower arrangement . The Jazz girls had muffins , coffee and fruit after workout and of course a few gifts . It is already going to be a good day . . . oh wait , except I 've already pissed off B today . She is coming tonight and she just called to let me know that she told her best friend about it and invited her to join us . That is OK ' cause I like Rachel but then she asks if she can bring Mondo , the granddog . " NO " , I say . She is mad and says he is much better and would be good . I insist and more emphatically , " NO . " We said our goodbyes but she is really angry at me . I really like the guy but it is MY party , my friends / guests and we don 't need a huge dog roaming in between our legs slapping us with his massive tail with joy . We just want to drink , eat and be merry , not clean up dog hair and spills . Am I wrong ? Oh well . TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY ! ! ! ! Here 's you some cheesecake . . . : ) Posted by D - Day . . . Today the MIL moved and I was in attendance . I had my two workouts then hurridly I arrived at her house about 8 : 45 . The movers were not there yet but were expected between 8 : 30 and 9 am . Finally , about 9 : 10 they pulled up and it was on . The # 2 son showed up about 5 minutes later and I was glad he was there for the help . It began as a whirlwind of movement with dollies and moving men wanting guidance . Up until last night there was a room that had not been packed up so # 2 son was there until 7 pm Monday evening doing it for her . We coordinated the whole orchestra of people and by noon we were on our way to her new digs . Montereau provided lunch for us which consisted of a slab of meat on two thin pieces of bread , a tomato slice , lettuce , some weird chips , and bottled water . I was raveneous after the workouts and moving but it filled the void in my stomach . We spent the rest of the afternoon , after the movers left trying to get her bedroom together so she could sleep . She has one of those beds that has individual controls and goes up and down , well , that posed a problem with the new bedskirt . She spent the past week spliting the new one down the middle and then hemming it so that when one side of the bed goes up the other side will not lift up , but they ( the MIL and # 2 son ) forgot the bar at the end that keeps the mattress from sliding off when the bed is raised . So we spend the next hour getting the skirt on the bed , pinned so it would not slide off and then cutting slits in the skirt so when we unscrewed the bars we could poke them through the skirt fabric then reattach and THEN we could finally make the bed . ARGHHHHHHH ! ! ! ! ! My aching feet , back and mind . And to top off the day I got another call from the other DIL . She called last Friday to make sure someone would be there for the MIL for the move . She and # 1 son don 't live here . I was ticked off by her slighted accuisation that no one would be there as we 've been there the whole time . Well today she called my cell phone and asked where I was at . " Well , " Posted by It is another Monday as usual . The same stuff , workout , coffee , shower then work . But today I 've changed it up a bit with meeting the Jazz girls for coffee in between workouts . I am also meeting me friend C for lunch . She 's treating me since Wednesday is my BIRTHDAY . Yup , another year older , not sure how I feel about that but there is no stopping the clock from ticking . Tick tock , tick tock . . . We finally got power back last night about 10 pm . It really wasn 't a problem for us as we have a generator but some I hear will be out till about Wednesday . Thank goodness for the generator . This next weekend I 'm throwing myself a huge birthday bash at the cabin . Since I was not able to have a 50th I 'm doing it now , two years later . It should be fun and I may just get drunk . I plan on laughing and dancing a lot to celebrate . This week though should be a whirlwind as today is lunch with C and work . Tuesday the MIL is finally moving so that will be an all day thing . Wednesday is my facial and massage and that 's half the day , the other half of the day is preparing on having a Jazzy girls birthday party for ME at my house . Thursday is my hair appointment and that takes about 3 hours . Then Friday is payroll and gather up all I need for the party at the lake . Somewhere in there I have to squeeze in a little work . Pay bills , do invoicing , payroll , just stuff at the office . So I guess I had better get off this stupid computer and get busy . Sunday and the sky 's are gray again . I guess there was a reason we didn 't go to the cabin this weekend because it has been crappy weather most of the weekend . Yesterday I went to the MIL 's to see how the work on the front porch was going . The Hubby has been trying to spruce it up by pulling up the glued down indoor - outdoor green carpet she had put down . It was so ugly . He had put down a concrete overlay then stained it and it looked really good but because he wasn 't able to get all the glue up the overlay buckled in places . So he has gone over and cleaned it up again , and where it came up he filed down the sides and it looks like you meant to leave it in chunks , and re - stained where it had buckled after getting rid of the broken concrete . It has been a real ordeal and mess . Today he is supposed to go over and wash off the first layer of stain and re - apply another but the weather is not cooperating and she has an open house at one . Hopefully this weather will blow over sometime today . I went over yesterday and The Hubby was covered in concrete dust and inside the BIL and his partner and the MIL were busy doing more packing so I rolled up my sleeves and joined in . That was about 2 : 30 . I didn 't leave until 6 : 30 and had to go to the store for steaks for dinner . This whole move thing has been so difficult for the MIL . She is the one that has instigated it but she is so dragging her feet . The movers come on Tuesday at 8 : 30 and she had better get ready . She still had a built - in cabinet that was filled with glassware , cookbooks and " stuff " that she had not even touched . I put myself to that task yesterday and finished it all . When I asked her for some sheets or bedding that she would be taking with her for use in packing the glassware she went to the hall linen closet and opened it . This is a huge closet that she had not even touched . So she began that and when we used some of the sheets she yelled at the BIL 's partner E not to scrunch it up . This is a lady that irons her sheets and pillow cases . She walkedJill of All Trades I am a mother , wife , friend , sister , partner in business ( w / hubby ) , daughter , daughter - in - law , sister - in - law , mother - in - law , GRANDMOTHER , all of these things I am , I 'm very happy with my life and would not change any of it . I 'm an empty nester with a fabuluous hubby who I work with . We live in the midwest and have for our whole lives which is just fine with me . I love my home , my kids , my hubby , my life . Life has been good to me . Jill of all Trades comes from the problem I have . I can do numerous things really well but I 'm not perfect and when I become bored with whatever I 'm doing / working on I move on to the next project / task . I might be a little ADD or it could be the Gemini in me . . . whatever . . . . P . S . I am now counting myself an artist ! |
It is Monday morning and I 'm not home . In fact , I didn 't go home yesterday . I stayed another night at the cabin and I 'm certainly glad I did . The evening was pretty quiet up here as most everybody went home from the weekend . There are mainly the residents still here . I had dinner with one of those couples and it was very pleasant . I didn 't stay long but opted to go to Sin and Bare 's along with Harri and Jimbo . They had been out on the pontoon boat ALL day long and were exhausted but were having dinner and sitting around the fire . I joined for a brief time but was soon home about 10 to watch the news . I didn 't make it long for the news as I fell asleep on the couch and woke up about 11 : 30 and hit the bed . It was such a cool evening I turned the A / C off and opened the windows and turned the fan on . This morning is crisp and I 'm actually sitting at the neighbors deck using the other neighbors Internet connection with a jacket on . The sounds of the morning here are just incredible . I hear the birds , all kinds of birds waking up the world here . In the distance I can hear cows bellowing to be milked and dogs baying at something they have seen . The only sound of humans is the very distant interstate where the cars are making their early morning commutes . Now that it is after eight the workmen have descended upon the area to work on some of the remodeling that is constantly going on up here . The hammers , drills and saws have started their sing - song for the day . I can really do without that . Now I can hear one of their radios blaring through the nature sounds , breaking the solitude that I have found here . Across the road at Gary 's cabin and his neighbors cabin there is a crazy red cardinal that is constantly bashing his poor little head against the windows . He has done this for months now , back and forth from one picture window to the other . I think he sees another male cardinal and is doing the territorial thing . It goes on all day long and will probably kill him . Poor thing . They should hang a piece of cardboard or somethPosted by I have figured out the reason for the depression . I was able to get away for the weekend early on Friday to the cabin . YIPEE ! I arrived and enjoyed an afternoon sitting in the screened in porch reading and alone . The Hubby would arrive in the late afternoon as we had a dinner / birthday party to go to . The dinner was great fun but I was just exhausted and still feeling in the dumps . Saturday morning came and I was up and on the porch again to enjoy journaling and reading . About 10 am I headed to the little girls room and who should join me but Mother Nature . Aw , that explains a lot of my mood swings , depression , crying , and general bitchiness . I have not met the woman since January so it was a complete shock to encounter her but I should have known . I couldn 't believe it . Last night a group of us went on a ride on the pontoon boat that Bare and Sin own and watched the sunset . It was quite awesome as the water is so high that no one is on the river . This morning I was up at 7am ( slept in a couple of hours ) and on the porch to read and journal but the morning was moving fast . I knew the guys from the boat last night were planning on going jug fishing this morning but of the four of them three were a lot drunk and I wasn 't sure they would remember the plan . But , at 8am the phone rang and Bare was next door calling all the guys out to play , with bloodshot eyes . So off they have gone fishing on this absolutely beautiful morning . The plan for the girls this afternoon is to take a floating cruise on the pontoon and sunbathe but I 'm begging off because I don 't thing my body will allow that luxury today . So I will sit in my hammock in my bathing suit and maybe turn the sprinkler on myself occassionaly . It is a beautiful morning with a cool breeze , wonderful sunshine and peace an quiet . Next weekend won 't be the case as the families and extended famlies and friends will descend on this most precious real estate and I will want to hide in my cabin . I hate all the hoopla that goes with the 4th , like the concept but hate the bigilPosted by I 'm depressed , I 'm sad and just in the dumps this week . I miss my Momma . I miss my best friend . I 'm lonely . I feel I 'm at the bottom of emotions this week . I don 't know what has set me off but probably I have never gotten over the immense loss of the two in a few short months 2 years ago . Yesterday I tried to get hold of a few people to go to lunch with no luck . My cell phone has not rung all week long except for my daughters . I am lonely for friends . I miss my friends . I miss someone to talk to everyday or so . Tonight The Hubby and I went out to dinner at one of our favorite restaurants , The Garlic Rose . { On a side note the group Hanson came in and sat at a table within eye shot . } On our way to the restaurant The Hubby asked what was wrong and I told him , " I 'm missing Momma and Gail " , but the words were choked . I just couldn 't get them out . I was emotionally raw . We talked about it a little at dinner and he seemed understanding . After dinner we decided to run through Utica Square to check out the band and the people . As luck would have it we found a great parking spot and walked over to the band and people area , LOTS of people . It was so very hot I could hardly stand it . I was wearing my jeans and socks and tennis shoes , not the wardrobe for standing in the sun and sweating . Since I had sweat buckets this morning I was not in the mood to sweat again . The Hubby kept hounding me to dance but I was not in the mood . I was not going to dance and shake my bootie in front of all of Tulsa , especially feeling as depressed as I was , AND sweaty . Finally , after standing there for an hour I was able to convince him to leave , but he was giving me crap for not dancing . He said he thought dancing might be the perfect remedy for my depression . WHAT ! Really . I don 't think so . I know he loves dancing but I don 't . He said that making my husband happy might be a nice thing to do and I told him that I was going to concentrate on making ME happy first . It pissed him off but I don 't care . It is NOT about him . It is about me for once . I ' mPosted by I took the day off , yes I took the whole day off today . I first ventured to the gardens , as we once called them . The gardens are the fresh produce markets , well , not so fresh and homegrown anymore . When I was a kid we went to the gardens to help my Momma and Granny pick things like green beans , tomatoes and cucumbers . There was a favorite place called Boggs that was the best . The ones now are just not that great anymore and ship in more than they grow . I should have just stayed closer to my own grocery store to get fresh vegetables as I was very disappointed by the long trip . It was also very sad for me as I had not been since Momma was alive and it just brought me down . I called a few friends to see if they wanted to have lunch but I got hold of NO ONE ! Another sad time . I 'm lonely . So I decided to stop in at Windsor Market , a decorating and ( some ) antiques store where my brother - in - law has a booth . I found a few things to buy and then decided to call my mother - in - law and see if she was home . I had not been to her new apartment since she moved in and wanted to see her place so I visited and then took myself to lunch . Now comes the fun . I went to the store and while walking the aisles I notice the new Bud Light Lime . . . YUMMMMYYYY ! ! ! I put some in my cart and finished shopping and went to check out . This WONDERFUL check out lady started giggling and told me she needed to see my ID . What . . . I stood there for a minute and she just kept standing there smiling at me and said it again . Well , okay . She said I had such a youthful face she needed to see it . I pulled it out and showed it to her and her eyes bugged out and she said we were the same age and that I looked wonderful and young . I told her thank you and she again said I looked so young . I really don 't know if she was kidding or just being a very nice lady but I think I 'll take this compliment after a downer day . My to do list for today : · Eat lunch ( check ) · Clean out refrigerator ( check ) · Clean out Pantry ( check ) · Put away laundry · Clean out guest closet · Clean out my closet ( shift summer / winter to guest closet ) · Clean out " my " room closetOK the first three I accomplished today and I will probably get to the laundry later on tonight . The last three will take me a lot more time probably a day for each , whenever I find the time . There was a little hitch in the cleaning out the fridge . The stupid thing is two years old and if you leave the door open for 10 minutes it shuts off and has to , well , re - boot itself and as of three hours later it has yet to do that . I 'm ticked off but I thought I had better leave it alone and let it do its thing . The pantry took me about 3 hours to get all of it out and then re - stocked . I threw away four bags of trash and old , very old cake mixes and hard as a rock brown sugar . It looked as if I cornered the market on sugar and flour . The pantry was loaded down with 20 pounds of sugar and 20 pounds of flour that I bought in anticipation of baking for Christmas ( we don 't even eat sugar here . ) Well , since we were out of power for what 13 days just before Christmas there was no baking except fruitcake one night . Today is also my baby 's 23rd birthday . Yes , 23 years ago today I was in labor . Not a long one really , 9 hours from the first contraction started . She had a rough few minutes start because the cord was wrapped around her throat and she was not breathing , a blue baby . But within seconds there was a cry and we knew all was well . She is a beautiful , beautiful talented girl who has a heart of gold . Happy Birthday A … I love you dearly … Love Momma It is 9 : 32 am Saturday morning and I am sitting in my favorite chair in town . We didn 't go to the lake / cabin as B had a girls weekend at our place . The sunshine is just streaming through the dirty windows of my room but will I clean them , I don 't think so . It is quiet except for my fingers tapping away here on the keyboard . I 've got my I - Tunes up listening to some relaxing spa music but I can also hear the washer chug - chugging along with my clothes and Neo the canary is trying to outdo the sounds of a household . The Hubby had to take a drive to the cabin as there is a board meeting up there this morning but he will be back for the birthday for our great - niece this afternoon . This has been a fairly easy week with not much happening . The MIL finally is settling down in her new digs and unpacking boxes . The service that is running her estate sale at the house has been hard at it with today the last day of the sale . The Hubby said that it has been going well and thinks nearly all of the leftover stuff will be gone . The realtor called The Hubby yesterday and said there was a really , really good nibble on the house and so he 's milking it and hopefully there will be a contract in a few days . It is about time . The house has sat on the market since October 2007 . It really is a great house but she put it on the market at the wrong time and then the ice storm , then the rains , then the economy . It was really just bad timing but it will sell , eventually . The Hubby has been over there many , many nights and days trying to fix different things and he is just exhausted . The middle bro has been there too helping her with the move , he 's a designer , that was his expertise . I helped with the packing and the move . The oldest bro and his wife have not even peeked their little eyelids into the whole operation . Oh I will not start there . Tomorrow will be my little girls birthday . Twenty - three years ago I was approaching the birth of a most beautiful girl , A . I am very proud of her and miss her terribly as she lives in California . She is maPosted by Okay , okay . . . I 'm a fan and I can 't help it . I am watching the Daytime Emmy 's right now and one of my very favorite actors just WON ! My favorite soap opera 's are As The World Turns and Guiding Light but I don 't get to watch often anymore . I remember my mother watching both of these shows when I was about 4 years old so I 'm a long time fan . Anyway , my favorite actor on Guiding Light was Tom Pelphrey . He is no longer on the show but occasionally he pops back on for a few days and I will tape them . He is a magnificent actor and on the left side of my blog is a clip of the most powerful scenes he was in when his wife died on the show . You can get to the end of the clip to see the most powerful scene , but WOW . Every time I see it I am moved . I guess you would have to see the whole maturation of the character of Jonathan he played to truly understand the power of his performance . It was absolutely incredible . He played a bad boy which is probably the attraction , who knows . I hope you take a look . I just witnessed a nasty , nasty wreck in midtown . I was sitting behind a large SUV waiting to turn left . Another smaller car like a Avalon or such was facing the SUV wanting to turn his left . I saw the smaller car begin to try to inch to turn left and so I instinctively looked in my rear view mirror and saw a Tahoe or Suburban hauling ass on the right side lane . I started yelling , " NO , NO , NO ! " and waved my hands but there was nothing that could be done . The impact was massive and it spun the smaller car completely around and when it stopped all kinds of fluids were running out of the car and the whole front was smashed . A man from a side street ran quickly to the smaller car and opened the door . An elderly man was sitting there dazed and the airbag was deployed . I looked to my right and the Tahoe / Suburban had been hurled into a yard where it had smashed into a small tree and then a house . I drove on through because there were tons of people jumping out of cars at that time that could help . In the other car the driver was sitting in the seat with the airbag deployed and was obviously unconscious to the point I could not tell if it was a man or a woman as the head was back . I was terribly shaken and called The Hubby to tell him to not go that way home and he yelled that someone should have stayed to tell the police what had happened . I felt that was directed towards me . There were lots of other cars / people there that had witnessed the accident and I didn 't see the need to stay and back up more traffic . I was torn about what to do but I didn 't need The Hubby yelling . Maybe I should have stayed but I just didn 't know . That is one of the first accidents I have ever witnessed . Was I bad for not jumping out and assisting ? Was it my duty as a bystander to get involved ? Granted I was a witness but there were other people . Now I feel horrible for not staying . I just don 't know what was right . My philosophy is to move the traffic on . Too many people can muck up things , rubber - necking and all but I was a witness . I just donPosted by My typical day actually started last night about 11 : 30 pm . I had dosed off to sleep about 10 : 15 just after the weather forcast . The Hubby had fallen asleep on the couch again and that is where I left him . Usually I turn off my cell phone but I was very rudely awakened with the little sing - song I have for A in Californina and mind you there is a 2 hour time difference , so it was about 9 : 15 there . I jumped out of bed and grabbed the TV control and tried to mess with the TV which was off and then realized that it was my phone . The Hubby gets very much in a terrible , hateful mood if the phone rings after 9 pm so I was worried he would come flying in the bedroom to growl about people not knowing what time it was . I was spared his rampage as it was the cell phone and he didn 't hear it . A was crying but I was not awake enough to show much concern . The conversations I am now having with my children really surprise me . She was upset that she might have a . . . wait for it . . . hemorroid and her stomach was upset . This child has always had problems with those bodily functions so this was not a new subject for us . I told her she probably needed to see a doctor . She freaked and said , " RIGHT NOW . " I told her to calm down and that it could wait at least until tomorrow . I wasn 't really a sympathic listener to her plight , especially from so far away in the middle of the night . I calmed her down and she said good night quickly . Then I thankfully trudged back to my comfy bed and lay there tossing and turning for two hours . I couldn 't go back to sleep . Crap ! I had to get up as usual for Jazzercise and another personal training session so I 've had about 4 hours sleep . YAAWWWN . I did make it to both workouts . In between the workouts I came home for breakfast and to put on a pot of beans in the crockpot , but just before I left for the personal trainer I realized the stupid crockpot was not on . I tried another outlet but dummy me didn 't change walls , a breaker was tripped . I just thought after PT I would go to Target and get a new crockpot . ItPosted by You know I feel as if I 'm writing to myself here and in a sense I am but I would like a little audience here . It seems like no one EVER visits my blog except a good friend and a VERY occasional stranger . I 've tried visiting and commenting on others blogs . I read over 30 blogs , not always commenting on them but I do read . I just don 't get it . Does my writing or my life not appeal to others or am I just not marketing myself that well ? I am really a novice to this stuff as far as computer - eaze goes but I 've learned by trial and error . I guess I 'm not that new as I 've been blogging since about 2006 . I just don 't know where to go . I tried to sign up on BlogHer and I have so much trouble getting that blasted site to keep my info updated . I spent an entire hour last night ( and that 's not the first time ) trying to get my info on there and just became frustrated and quit . I 've read on Blogger about how to sign up with blog directories and I 've done a few but still I sit and the tally marks of visitors keep adding up but they are mostly my own looking at my blog as I like to look at my pictures . It 's a comfortable place for me to visit and I don 't know why it isn 't for others . Oh well , I will just continue to blog here and one of these YEARS maybe someone will find me and visit . I 've been in a fog for several , several days now and I can 't quite explain what is going on with me . I think , think I 've blogged about possibly being visited by Mother Nature after 6 months of nothing and that being the culprit . It could also be the unending rain that is plaguing this area and most of the Midwest now . I remember when I was about 14 years old when there was a June where it rained and stormed almost the entire month so I guess we were due for the torrential rains , but two years in a row I 'm about done . Last week I didn 't work out much as I felt terrible and today I was very low key at Jazzercise and the personal trainer , Wade commented how low my energy level was today . In fact , my knees and ankles are bothering me which is probably fPosted by This is a pic that B sent to The Hubby for Father 's Day . A wife can be just so proud of her little boy . . . uh I mean Hubby . Posted by Well today is Father 's Day and we came back early from the cabin to spend it with my family , my father . We went to the cabin Friday evening and had a nice visit with the neighbors and shared a beer and glass of wine . There were not a lot of people there so it was fairly quiet . We had planned on coming back last night but The Hubby had spent all day long putting in the lights on the neighbors new deck and he was just exhausted so YIPEE we stayed . It was one of the most perfect evenings . The temperature was just perfect and we enjoyed most of the evening outdoors on the new deck ( not quite finished ) . Harri fixed roast , corn on the cob , mixed veggies and french bread and I washed it down with a few Bud Light Lime beers . . . very yum . Then Harri decided she wanted to go on a golf cart ride before the sun set so off we went , her with her glass of wine and me with a glass of Pama ( pomegranete liquor - more very yum . ) We drove every road , gravel and paved looking for where there might be a party but it was pretty quiet . We watched the firefly 's buzzing around in the meadow , watched some people playing a little golf on our 4 holes and hoped to see a deer or two . As the darkness crept up and we were driving on a road by Mud Flats a little creature ran in front of us . At first I thought it was a tiny deer but my mind immediately knew what it was . It was a tiny fox , very young . It was just darling as it stopped by some steps of a cabin and just sat and watched us watch it . Very sweet . This weekend I really got into my book " The Book Thief " and yesterday as I sat on the porch and read it I was taken with warm thoughts of my Momma . Momma was an avid reader . She loved and I mean LOVED books and she instilled in my brother , sister and I the love of reading . We all three can not get enough reading done . She used to go to the library and check out 5 or 6 books every two weeks and would inhale them . Well , this book I 'm reading is about a little girl in Nazi Germany and one of the parts of the book is her love of books and reading and asPosted by I am fixin ' to let loose on The Hubby . I did not go to work out this morning as it was raining buckets and my little car would float away . I decided to stay home from the office today and just enjoy the rain and clean out some drawers and closets . I was having a nice time just spending time alone , by myself , talking to myself and enjoying the absolute quiet here and besides B is fielding the phone calls and stuff at the office . On top of all of this I have a feeling that Mother Nature is trying to rear her very ugly head as I feel just icky today . Hopefully it will pass as I haven 't seen her since January . Anyway , I was minding my own business just puttering around when I heard the garage door open . DAMN ! I should have known better than to think he would not want to find out what I was up too . He starts in on me about not coming into the office and whether B can do some of the invoicing . I told him she could , that it could even wait till tomorrow when I am in in the morning . He didn 't hear that part . He heard that I would be at a funeral tomorrow of a high school friend and then visit my daddy and then out to dinner with my aunt , he didn 't hear that I would be in in the morning . He went off on me about invoicing . I went off about him waiting sometimes for weeks to get it ready for me to type it could wait one day . I told him not to do this today . The day I decide to not be there on purpose and he gets his panties all in a twist that I am not at his beck and call . Crap , I get so mad at him for this . There can be days , and I mean days where I sit in that office with absolutely nothing to do and the ONE day I take off is the day when the world , his world is coming to an end . I think he is relying on me way too much here . ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH ! ! ! ! ! ! ! The rain started about 11 : 30 last night and continued its onslaught all night long . It was rather pleasant listening to it fall on the roof while we slept . This morning when the alarm went off to wake us for workout I just rolled over . I knew with all the rain and street flooding that I was not about to test my little car in the rushing waters . So I nuzzled down in the covers and continued to sleep , or at least tried to sleep . I knew this was a dangerous move on my part but I couldn 't help it , besides my calves are killing me today after Saturday night of dancing . Then at 7 am I realized I needed to get up for the personal trainer but the rain was continuing to dance on the roof and I was just not in the mood to do it , so I called and begged off . I know that was bad but sometimes you just need a break . I might go to the office but you know what , with B there I don 't need to . I think I 'll stay here and do my crossword , Sudoku and read . I might do a little laundry and try to clean out a closet , might . It was a blast . We danced for a solid 3 hours in the living room and I actually did the running man . If you only knew how much I have wanted to dance like I danced last night and with 22 pounds gone and the working out that I do I was the queen bee on the dance floor last night . In fact one of my friends told me I was so smooth on the dance floor and that I was better than the dancers on " So You Think You Can Dance " . What a great compliment and I could let it go to my head but I am a realist . I told The Hubby later from watching the show that those kind of compliments for people who are a little bad in the dance department , well you know , can make them think they are the greatest dancers on the earth , I 'm NOT . Sin & Bare and Harri and Jimbo did all the food last night with fried Basa fish , fried chicken , french fries and salad . The wine was plenty . Surprisingly I don 't have a headache but my feet and legs are a little sore . Pictures will explain the fun we all had . Now this is a party . Posted by It is Saturday and I may be a widow by the day 's end if he doesn 't STOP IT ! He is driving me crazy . Tonight is the big birthday party for ME at the cabin and he is doing his usual obsessive compulsive crap he does when he knows people are coming . It is early and I want to enjoy the peace and quiet but he is not letting me at all . He got up , had his breakfast and then came out on the porch and started talking about sweeping the porch , mopping the porch , cleaning some in the house , etc . I just don 't get all whacked out when company is coming although I am going to do some stuff because world renowned interior designer CF is coming and being a world renowned interior designer I really want to make an impression with him as far as our cabin goes . I know it is not his usual Country French , it is Country The Hubby and I love it . I am excited about the party tonight but I want to enjoy myself a little today and not have the anxiety his mustering up today . Last night we went on a boat cruise on Bare & Sin 's pontoon boat with Jimbo & Harri and G & G . Harri fixed sloppy joes that we took to eat while watching the sun go down . I made some CD 's for Bare and Sin and we listened to them and danced and sang our little hearts out . It was great fun . I really was not sure I would enjoy myself as I 'm not a boat person but it was fun . I don 't want to go if there are tons of people on the boat but it was a perfect number of us . ( Oh man , The Hubby is now cleaning the little man that sits on our wall . He has a scrub brush and is washing him … hey wait I think that the scrub brush is the kitchen brush from my sink . HE IS DRIVING ME CRAZY . ) Luckily Harri called and wanted me to go to town to the store and I rushed out . It was nice to get away from the hustle and bustle that is known as The Hubby . Right now I 'm sitting on a rock wall in between Harri 's and our cabin tapping into G 's Internet connection to blog here . Again I had to get away from The Hubby . We just had loud words about the music that will be playing tonight . He is DPosted by Today is my birthday . Yes I 'm going to shout it out to the heavens . TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY ! ! ! ! I went to workout , then to work , then to my facial and massage and I 've just finished eating Taco Bell . I haven 't had that in over a year and I decided that today I would enjoy ! Now it is time to clean the house a little , wash my hair ( all the oil from the massage ) , go to the store and then PARTY TIME . Already I 've received several email messages from friends and family and a flower arrangement . The Jazz girls had muffins , coffee and fruit after workout and of course a few gifts . It is already going to be a good day . . . oh wait , except I 've already pissed off B today . She is coming tonight and she just called to let me know that she told her best friend about it and invited her to join us . That is OK ' cause I like Rachel but then she asks if she can bring Mondo , the granddog . " NO " , I say . She is mad and says he is much better and would be good . I insist and more emphatically , " NO . " We said our goodbyes but she is really angry at me . I really like the guy but it is MY party , my friends / guests and we don 't need a huge dog roaming in between our legs slapping us with his massive tail with joy . We just want to drink , eat and be merry , not clean up dog hair and spills . Am I wrong ? Oh well . TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY ! ! ! ! Here 's you some cheesecake . . . : ) Posted by D - Day . . . Today the MIL moved and I was in attendance . I had my two workouts then hurridly I arrived at her house about 8 : 45 . The movers were not there yet but were expected between 8 : 30 and 9 am . Finally , about 9 : 10 they pulled up and it was on . The # 2 son showed up about 5 minutes later and I was glad he was there for the help . It began as a whirlwind of movement with dollies and moving men wanting guidance . Up until last night there was a room that had not been packed up so # 2 son was there until 7 pm Monday evening doing it for her . We coordinated the whole orchestra of people and by noon we were on our way to her new digs . Montereau provided lunch for us which consisted of a slab of meat on two thin pieces of bread , a tomato slice , lettuce , some weird chips , and bottled water . I was raveneous after the workouts and moving but it filled the void in my stomach . We spent the rest of the afternoon , after the movers left trying to get her bedroom together so she could sleep . She has one of those beds that has individual controls and goes up and down , well , that posed a problem with the new bedskirt . She spent the past week spliting the new one down the middle and then hemming it so that when one side of the bed goes up the other side will not lift up , but they ( the MIL and # 2 son ) forgot the bar at the end that keeps the mattress from sliding off when the bed is raised . So we spend the next hour getting the skirt on the bed , pinned so it would not slide off and then cutting slits in the skirt so when we unscrewed the bars we could poke them through the skirt fabric then reattach and THEN we could finally make the bed . ARGHHHHHHH ! ! ! ! ! My aching feet , back and mind . And to top off the day I got another call from the other DIL . She called last Friday to make sure someone would be there for the MIL for the move . She and # 1 son don 't live here . I was ticked off by her slighted accuisation that no one would be there as we 've been there the whole time . Well today she called my cell phone and asked where I was at . " Well , " Posted by It is another Monday as usual . The same stuff , workout , coffee , shower then work . But today I 've changed it up a bit with meeting the Jazz girls for coffee in between workouts . I am also meeting me friend C for lunch . She 's treating me since Wednesday is my BIRTHDAY . Yup , another year older , not sure how I feel about that but there is no stopping the clock from ticking . Tick tock , tick tock . . . We finally got power back last night about 10 pm . It really wasn 't a problem for us as we have a generator but some I hear will be out till about Wednesday . Thank goodness for the generator . This next weekend I 'm throwing myself a huge birthday bash at the cabin . Since I was not able to have a 50th I 'm doing it now , two years later . It should be fun and I may just get drunk . I plan on laughing and dancing a lot to celebrate . This week though should be a whirlwind as today is lunch with C and work . Tuesday the MIL is finally moving so that will be an all day thing . Wednesday is my facial and massage and that 's half the day , the other half of the day is preparing on having a Jazzy girls birthday party for ME at my house . Thursday is my hair appointment and that takes about 3 hours . Then Friday is payroll and gather up all I need for the party at the lake . Somewhere in there I have to squeeze in a little work . Pay bills , do invoicing , payroll , just stuff at the office . So I guess I had better get off this stupid computer and get busy . Sunday and the sky 's are gray again . I guess there was a reason we didn 't go to the cabin this weekend because it has been crappy weather most of the weekend . Yesterday I went to the MIL 's to see how the work on the front porch was going . The Hubby has been trying to spruce it up by pulling up the glued down indoor - outdoor green carpet she had put down . It was so ugly . He had put down a concrete overlay then stained it and it looked really good but because he wasn 't able to get all the glue up the overlay buckled in places . So he has gone over and cleaned it up again , and where it came up he filed down the sides and it looks like you meant to leave it in chunks , and re - stained where it had buckled after getting rid of the broken concrete . It has been a real ordeal and mess . Today he is supposed to go over and wash off the first layer of stain and re - apply another but the weather is not cooperating and she has an open house at one . Hopefully this weather will blow over sometime today . I went over yesterday and The Hubby was covered in concrete dust and inside the BIL and his partner and the MIL were busy doing more packing so I rolled up my sleeves and joined in . That was about 2 : 30 . I didn 't leave until 6 : 30 and had to go to the store for steaks for dinner . This whole move thing has been so difficult for the MIL . She is the one that has instigated it but she is so dragging her feet . The movers come on Tuesday at 8 : 30 and she had better get ready . She still had a built - in cabinet that was filled with glassware , cookbooks and " stuff " that she had not even touched . I put myself to that task yesterday and finished it all . When I asked her for some sheets or bedding that she would be taking with her for use in packing the glassware she went to the hall linen closet and opened it . This is a huge closet that she had not even touched . So she began that and when we used some of the sheets she yelled at the BIL 's partner E not to scrunch it up . This is a lady that irons her sheets and pillow cases . She walkedJill of All Trades I am a mother , wife , friend , sister , partner in business ( w / hubby ) , daughter , daughter - in - law , sister - in - law , mother - in - law , GRANDMOTHER , all of these things I am , I 'm very happy with my life and would not change any of it . I 'm an empty nester with a fabuluous hubby who I work with . We live in the midwest and have for our whole lives which is just fine with me . I love my home , my kids , my hubby , my life . Life has been good to me . Jill of all Trades comes from the problem I have . I can do numerous things really well but I 'm not perfect and when I become bored with whatever I 'm doing / working on I move on to the next project / task . I might be a little ADD or it could be the Gemini in me . . . whatever . . . . P . S . I am now counting myself an artist ! |
Our friends came over tonight to party with us . We rang in the new year at about 7 : 30 p . m . We claim to celebrate early for the sake of the children , but the truth is , we old fogies can 't stay awake till midnight anymore . So as our " midnight " approached , we poured little glasses of bubbly ( sparkling juice ) and set the kitchen timer for one minute . We all gathered around and watched the seconds go by , and I said " Get ready . . . the ball is about to drop . . . " and our friends ' daughter said excitedly to the other kids , " The ball 's about the drop ! The ball 's about to drop ! . . . What 's the ball ? " Then we all counted down the last ten seconds together , yelled " Happy New Year ! " and toasted each other . Definitely my kind of New Year 's Eve party . Posted by I found an envelope addressed in Noah 's handwriting to Jesus . In the stamp corner , he had written " No stamp needed " . In the return address area , he wrote " from you know who " . I debated whether I should open it or not , but curiosity beat out integrity . I had to know what my son wanted to say to Jesus . Inside was a a homemade birthday card . It said " Happy birthday " on the front , and he had drawn Jesus ' name in fancy letters on the inside , and a picture of three crosses . Despite all his materialism , he truly understands the meaning of the holiday . Posted by Sarah woke up in a disagreeable mood , and it went downhill from there . She was defiant , disrespectful , lazy , obnoxious , and mean most of the day . There were three very short moments when she was pleasant and helpful , and I remember them clearly because they were so rare , and I clung to them to get me through the day . I didn 't even attempt to teach her anything new today , just reviewed things she supposedly already knows . She made very little effort . During her piano lesson , she " forgot " how to count half notes . I spent a lot of time teaching , training , correcting her attitude and behavior . Therefore , I packed only two boxes today . The only other thing I accomplished was pulling a hairball out of the tub drain . Meanwhile , I managed to get dinner in the oven , but then noticed that the oven was not preheated . The heating element wasn 't even glowing . This is the same oven that I just sold last week and is to be picked up on Friday . I 've never had any problem with it for the last seven years , and now it dies . I crawled under it to see if it was plugged in ( it was ) and found old dried food , dust bunnies , Nerf darts , and hair clips . I turned it off and turned it back on ( my husband 's favorite solution to any problem ) . Nothing . I hauled my raw turkey and vegetables outside and plowed through the snowdrifts to the grill . While I 'm dealing with the raw food issue , I had asked Noah to clean out the van so it would be ready to haul a load to the new house . Actually , I had asked both kids , but Noah was the one doing it . While I was standing outside freezing in my pajamas , trying to light the grill , Noah is calling me with his voice filled with frustration , needing help with the seats in the van . Then Sarah has the gall to yell out that she 's hungry and starts demanding food . My temples are starting to pound like my head might explode . I try to focus on my gratitude that we are all healthy and alive . We practiced eating off the floor . On Saturday , we 're moving all our earthly possessions to the new house , but we can 't actually have possession until four days after that . So during those four days , I guess we 're going to pretend we 're pioneers ( with heat , water , and electricity , of course ) . We 'll be sleeping and eating on the floor , since we won 't have any furniture . I don 't know what we 'll be eating anyway , because the stove , microwave , and fridge will be gone . We crowded around this leftover chicken noodle soup . Does that count as eating a family dinner ? The kids did a science experiment a couple weeks ago that involved growing germs in petri dishes . They got samples from the toilet seat , phone , Sarah 's mouth , and Daddy 's toes . We 've been watching the disgusting stuff grow . The toilet seat has been by far the worst , followed by the phone . Today we 've been doing some power - packing , since we have only six days till the big move . Mike brought the gross petri dishes up and thought the kitchen table would be a good place to put them . I moved them to the window sill . Later I caught Marty ( the cat , not my father - in - law ) with her face buried in the petri dish full of phone germs , having herself a nasty feast . Posted by Yesterday , Sarah was mad at me ( again ) . She was supposed to be writing her spelling words , but when I checked her notebook later , I saw that she had written , " I don 't like my mom at all . " I was actually pleased that she had spelled everything right . Noah got an Ironman arc reactor from a Christmas party , and we 've been using it as a scholastic bowl buzzer . I ask questions , and whoever hits the buzzer first gets a chance to answer . One of my questions this morning was , " Can you turn the letters of the word " may " into something that means " sweet potato " ? " Both kids gave me a blank stare . Then Sarah asked for a pen and paper . She wrote for a long time , occasionally looking up to think and then crossing something out and writing again . Finally , after a long time , she hit the buzzer and yelled , " Amy ! " I managed not to roll my eyes , but calmly told her that Amy is not another word for sweet potato . I looked at Noah , who had been doing mental calculations the whole time . Nothing . I hinted , " It starts with a Y . " Suddenly , he hit the buzzer and yelled , " Yak ! " We were playing a family game of Uno last night , and Mike had just drawn about 20 cards in search of a blue . Noah asked him if he had a good deck , and Mike seized the opportunity to educate him about the difference between a " deck " and a " hand " . Noah listened patiently and then said , " Yeah , Dad , but your HAND is bigger than the DECK ! " Noah has always liked to eat those thin sheets of seaweed . Even when he was a baby and had no teeth , he would suck on seaweed . He was munching on a piece of it this morning and offered Sarah some . She wrinkled her nose and said , " No , thanks ! " Noah replied , " Oh Sarah , you 're not a very patriotic Asian . " Today I started packing in the bathroom . I discovered seven ( ! ) opened bottles of lotion . Why can no one in this family ( including me ) finish one bottle before opening a new one ? I wasted a lot of time consolidating it all into three bottles . Then I wasted a little more by taking a picture of it and blogging about it . Posted by For reasons that are still unclear to me , Sarah dressed up as a penguin and Noah as a jester this afternoon . Naturally , I was wearing pajamas . It was raining hard , and I heard a strange noise outside my window that sounded like the gutter wasn 't working right . I didn 't want to go out and check on it in the cold rain , so I opened the window just enough to stick my head out . Then Noah wanted to see what was going on , so he stuck his big jester head out too . Not wanting to miss anything exciting , the penguin stuck her big beak out too . When I tried to pull myself back in , I discovered that I was completely stuck . The kids were wedged in too , and nobody could move . So there we were : a jester , a penguin , and a grown woman in pajamas in the middle of the afternoon , sticking out of a house . Of course I couldn 't get a picture of it , but I did get a picture of them before the incident . The kids and I were praying for a friend who was injured in a cheer accident , and Noah said , " Maybe God was trying to get her attention and make her stop spending so much time on cheer . " That led into a discussion of God 's plans and purposes . As any discussion of God always does , it ended up in the topic of our 9 - year - old cousin Isaac , who died this summer . Noah asked me for hundredth time why God let Isaac die , and I said for the hundredth time that I don 't understand it myself . I said we have no idea what God is doing , because we can 't see the big picture . Noah said , " Is it like watching a widescreen movie on our regular small TV where parts of it are cut off ? " The two recurring themes of my life recently seem to be stress and embarrassment . This morning , I knew the house inspector was coming with the buyers , and I was not going to get caught in an embarrassing situation . Their scheduled time was 9 : 00 , and I had spent the entire morning getting ready for it . At 8 : 30 , all I had left to do was clean the litter box and take a shower . Since I like to do the litter box at the last minute , I decided to shower first . Noah was playing happily with his soldiers at the kitchen table , and Sarah had a fleet of matchbox cars on the floor , so I made a mental note to have them clean all that up while I was cleaning the litter box . All under control . No stress . Five minutes later , I 'm in the steamy shower with Christmas music blasting , and I 'm pretty sure I hear Sarah say , " Yes , Mommy 's here . She 's in the bathroom . Come on in ! " Then the phone starts ringing . Ten seconds later , Sarah enters the bathroom ( where I 'm furiously drying off ) , hands me the phone , and says , " Someone wants to talk to my mommy . " I seriously almost blew a gasket . So here 's the situation : the inspector and buyers are 25 minutes early , I 'm naked and wet , a lady from church is on the phone , there are tiny metal vehicles all over the living room floor , the Korean War is being reenacted on the kitchen table , and there is fresh poop in the litter box . I grabbed the kids and hissed at them to clean everything up FAST ! NOW ! , tugged clothes over my wet body , shoved everything and everybody into the van , waved and smiled pleasantly on my way out , and took us out to Cracker Barrel for breakfast . I sat in front of the peaceful fire at Cracker Barrel and let my dripping hair dry while waiting for the food to come . Posted by As you may remember , we 've been drying a big tray of catnip in the garage . Last night I was hauling stuff in and out , and the cats slipped out to the garage . I didn 't think about the catnip . Later I was downstairs and heard a big crash in the garage . I went out to see what was going on , and there was Marty , completely high on catnip , rolling around in it , kicking it all around , snorting it , eyes big and wild . She had knocked over the whole tray , so there 's now catnip in every nook and cranny of the shoe shelf , under the car , and wherever else it flew . Jason soon joined the party , and they went totally nuts . . . . and this time it does not involve pajamas . Even worse . I forgot that the appraiser was coming today until I heard the doorbell while I was in the shower . I sent Sarah to the door . She returned and said there was a lady at the door . I told her to let her in and tell her that I was in the shower . Five minutes later , I came out to investigate with a towel on my head and another towel around me . There was the poor appraiser , still standing on the porch . Not only did I keep her waiting in the cold and then appear in a towel , but I also didn 't have the house cleaned up . She started taking pictures . There were toys in the living room , unmade beds , dirty dishes in the sink , clothes scattered around , muddy pawprints in the bathroom sink , etc . On her way out , I made her take a flyer that had the good pictures in it . She thinks I 'm a wacko . I told the kids that they don 't have to do spelling today since it 's a holiday . They jumped around and squealed , and Sarah exclaimed , " Oh my goodness ! I can 't believe my good fortune ! " We had a termite inspection scheduled for 9 : 30 this morning , so we got the house cleaned up , and I reluctantly got dressed at 9 : 15 . I hate wearing clothes . No matter how many layers I piled on , I was still cold . I 'm always warm and cozy in my jammies with feet . I was getting colder and more annoyed as the minutes went by , and finally at 11 : 20 , I gave up on Termite Man and settled happily back into my jammies . You know where this is going . Five minutes later , the doorbell rings . Termite Man . And wouldn 't you know it . . . he 's young and good - looking . I stereotypically expected an old , fat guy with dirty overalls , a flannel shirt , three black teeth , and bugs in his hair . There standing before me , eyeing my fuzzy pajamas , was the exact opposite . The good news is , we have no termites . I was in between subjects with the kids this morning , and we all needed a break , so I told them I was going to take a quick shower . As I walked by the phone , it started ringing , and I instinctively answered it . Mistake . I don 't have time for long phone conversations during the day , which is why I usually try to avoid the phone . This time it was a dear lady who has no children and is not known for her short - windedness . However , she began the conversation with , " I won 't keep you long ; I just have a quick question " , so I was hopeful . She asked the question ; it was quick ; I gave her a quick answer ; and she said , " I 'll let you go " and proceeded to talk . Since she seemed to be wrapping up , I started undressing and getting ready for my shower . She said , " Well , I 'll let you go now " and kept talking . Ten minutes later , I 'm standing in the shower , naked and cold , with my hand on the faucet ready to turn on the water the instant I can get off the phone . By the end of the call , she had said , " I 'll let you go now " seven times . After the seventh one , I burst in with , " Ok , thanks . Bye " before she could launch off again . She probably thinks I 'm rude . I probably am . I 've learned that when this particular person says , " I 'll let you go now " , it actually means , " I 'm lonely and bored and trying to think of something else to say so I don 't have to hang up , and I 'm going to keep talking for at least another 20 minutes . " Another person does the same thing with email . She often types a rather short email and ends with , " More later " . So I don 't respond , because I 'm waiting for the rest . I 've finally realized that " More later " is just her standard closing . It doesn 't mean she is actually going to type more later . So when I see " More later " from this particular person , I know it means " I 'm done typing now . I don 't have a thing else to say . Don 't sit around waiting for the end of this email , because this IS the end . " Then there 's my son , who is so literal that he always says exactly what he means , and he expects other people to mean exactly what they say . Idioms and expressions are difficult for him . If you tell him that you 're killing two birds with one stone , then he 's going to look around for two dead birds with a big rock next to them . Posted by Noah 's leg injury from over a month ago is still not healing well , mostly because he can 't be still . He runs , jumps , rides his scooter , climbs on things , etc . Today I was nagging him to stay off his leg , because it 's bleeding and oozing and looking gross . He was asking me specifics about what he can and can 't do . I told him he can walk around like a normal person , but no jumping off things , no scootering , no trampolining , so baseball sliding , etc . He considered his options and then asked , " Can I scamper ? " I turned on the TV in an effort to keep him down , but even when he 's watching TV , is he sitting on the couch ? No way . Here he is : This buying / selling real estate project we 're into has been very educational for the kids . Noah can read an MLS sheet as well as I can , and they both know more real estate terminology than any child should . This morning , Noah asked me for " 3 to 6 clementines " to share with Sarah . We only have 4 left , so I put 3 at the top of the stairs and yelled down to them that their order was ready . Noah came up to retrieve it and yelled down to Sarah , " She accepted our lowest offer ! There 's only 3 ! " Sarah yelled back , " Make a counteroffer ! " Well , we 've given up on the realtor houses and are now scouring the For Sale By Owner ads . I found a great one that is a little out of our price range , but sent a message to the owners anyway in case they would consider a lower offer . When the owner called back , I realized it 's my very own cousin ! I was a little embarrassed that this is the girl I held when she was a baby , and now I can 't even afford the house that she 's upgrading out of ! Not having much luck ourselves , we turned the search over to Noah . He was poring over Realtor . com , taking notes and leaning in so close to the screen that his pants were falling down . So far he 's located a half million dollar mansion in Missouri and a bungalow in New York . Posted by and went outside to enjoy the last perfect day of fall . Had a picnic on the trampoline , and Sarah came in to get dessert . [ A little aside here : when we were in Wisconsin , we visited an old fashioned candy shop that had all the old retro candy , and Noah bought some candy cigarettes . ] She returned and yelled ( as loudly as only Sarah can ) across the yard , " Hey , Noah ! Can I have one of your cigarettes ? " Noah yelled back , " Yes , but don 't forget to smoke it ; don 't just chew it ! " I glanced around to see if any neighbors were out . Didn 't see any . [ A big aside here : Several weeks ago , the principal emailed me some information to share with my students on the harmful effects of smoking cigarettes . I 've had it in my inbox ever since , trying to figure out how to work that naturally into the school day . ] While they were smoking their candy cigarettes , I seized the opportunity to regale them with tales of black lung , wrinkles , cancer , and emphysema . It seemed like a natural segue to move on to drying weed . We 've been growing catnip all summer , and today was the perfect day to harvest the crop and start drying it . Jason was very much into this project . He got totally intoxicated . My daughter decided to use a hairbrush as a curling iron and got it completely entangled in her hair . It took me a long time to pry it out , and of course she was not happy about it . I had to place my thoughts elsewhere . I had a fantasy about shearing all her hair off and making her bald . That would save me so much time and effort . But in the end , I decided her hair is too remarkably beautiful to shave bald . Posted by So after disposing of the mouse , we went to CBS , and a realtor showed our house . We went out for lunch and then met our realtor , who showed us six houses . On the way home , Sarah had a massive tantrum . After she stopped speaking to me , she passed me a note that said , " Mom is horable . " I sent her a note back that said , " I love Sarah . " Her next note said , " Mom is even horabler . " When we got home , it continued ( and even escalated ) . That child can sure throw a spectacular fit ! With the screaming beast sequestered in her room , I played the answering machine message , which was a realtor wanting to show our house in two hours . Sarah finally got a grip on herself , and we went to Kroger to eat food samples for dinner , because I didn 't have time to get any food together before we had to abandon the house . The food samples didn 't cut it , so we went through the drive thru at Taco Bell . Feeling like a bad mom . Laundry is also piling up on me , but I haven 't had time to get it done , so I just stash it during showings . When we got home , there was a message from another realtor . Another showing on Saturday . I sure hope someone buys it soon ! Noah cried and begged to keep it for a pet . I said no way . People are coming to see the house in less than an hour , and I have two kids and two cats , and I cannot deal with a mouse pet . Sarah cuddled the mouse too . I can just hear my mom saying , " Don 't let them touch that dirty rodent . It probably has diseases ! " Here 's Sarah pretending to be the mouse : On the very day that I blogged about my house being hit by a filth tornado , I got a call that a realtor wants to show our house Thursday morning . We had been outside all afternoon enjoying this beautiful weather , but then I started feeling a tiny inkling of stress . Not too bad , since we had all day tomorrow to get ready for the showing . I started cleaning up in a fairly relaxed way . Then the phone rang . Another realtor wants to show the house . . . tomorrow . Now I 'm in full - blown stress mode . I start marching around like a drill sergeant , barking orders to the troops . They worked fairly quietly for awhile ( too quietly , as it turns out ) , but then they came marching out , holding up protest signs and chanting , " We ain 't no slaves ! " Secretly , I was a little proud that they had spelled and punctuated everything correctly and their writing was legible . Still , I think maybe we should stop reading those slave books . : ) Jason had a good time chasing birds and leaves . Here he is chewing a leaf off the branch . Then he chased it to the ground and carried it around in his mouth . The first grader showed up for class , and everything went pretty smoothly . When the third grader showed up , I realized I wasn 't prepared for his lesson . I usually look it over the night before and make sure I know what I 'm talking about and have all the materials we 'll need . I didn 't do that last night and was just going to try to wing it today , but I could tell that wasn 't going to work . So we just did a review of things he 's already learned , and then I let him out early . It 's so beautiful outside today that we had a picnic lunch in the back yard . Noah kicked off his shoes , immediately stepped on something sharp , and said , " Ow ! " I said , like a true mom , " That 's why you need to wear shoes . " He said , " Yeah , but I feel so wild without them ! " Yesterday I cooked in a hurry , which always means a big mess , and then left the house in a rush . We got home just in time to put the kids to bed , so I couldn 't clean the kitchen . This morning , Sarah made breakfast for her daddy all by herself . Big mess piled on top of previous mess . When I came into the kitchen today , it looked like an F4 tornado of filth had hit it . I looked around and thought how disgusted my mother would be . This is not the way she raised me . She 's the opposite of the disorganized pig I turned out to be . Posted by My kids are happily playing in the tub this morning . They used to do that all the time , and now it 's been months since they 've been in there together . Sarah is a scientist who concocts various medications for a sick seal . Noah is the veterinarian who administers it . I 'm savoring this sweet , innocent moment , because I know this may be one of the last times they play together in the tub . They 'll soon be too big . There 's really nothing like starting off a Monday morning with the police at your front door . It wasn 't even 8 : 00 a . m . when the doorbell rang . We were huddled in bed reading a book . Since I was wearing my pajamas with feet , I sent a child to the door while I listened from the hallway . No answer . Running feet . " Mom , it 's the police ! " What ? Police ! No time to put clothes on . I open the door , and sure enough , a big cop gives me a quick head - to - toe glance . Sometimes I really wish I was one of those people that took a shower every morning and got dressed in normal clothes . This is one of those times . Before my mind can even finish imagining one of my loved ones dead , he gets right to the point . Our elderly neighbor was found wandering the streets with his walker , and the police just wondered if I had any contact information . |
I lost my Zen today . Now , I don 't really know a thing about Zen , but I use it to refer to the state of peace I can get myself into while waiting in line or when caught in heavy traffic . I decided at one point several years ago that it really didn 't make a difference if I was a little late or if it took a little longer to check out at the supermarket . That change in mental attitude has made me a much happier , much more relaxed person . And usually , I don 't have a complaint . The clerks are nice and efficient , but sometimes the office policy makes me want to . . . well . . . go postal . Today I was so upset I didn 't even take pictures . ( How 's that ! ) When I got there it was a zoo . It was wall to wall people . There were two lines forming , one for passports , a group that appeared to be a very large extended family , including Grandma in a wheelchair and two toddlers lying on the floor playing video games and blocking everybody 's way . On the other side of this very small space was a line that stretched out into the lobby . We were the people who needed to see clerks . The passport guy usually takes care of people who don 't need to pay for postage but who are , for example , picking up vacation mail or dropping off vacation holds or something like that . But passport guy was going to be involved with the passport people for a very long time , so that made the clerk people line even longer . In between the long lines , wending his way around the toddlers , was a kid asking questions . Now this is the most useless job in the post office . Some clerk ( who could be more efficiently used in actually manning a station ) takes a clipboard and asks you all the questions . You can have one very thin envelope in your hand and you have to answer whether or not you have anything liquid or hazardous like batteries in the envelope . There are four categories to click off , starting with what 's in your pouch , if you need stamps or any other thing to purchase , if you want additional proof of delivery , and if you want to rent a box . This would be fine ( if annoying ) if it actually helps the clerk . But when you finally get to the window , you hand this carefully filled out form to the clerk . . . and she asks you the SAME questions all over again . I can only assume that this is busy work for a clerk . And today the young guy doing it was a new face to me and , I assume new to the post office since he had to keep interrupting the working clerks to ask them questions . There are , I believe , 7 or 8 stations and there were 3 clerks working . One , a very nice lady whose first language is Spanish was dealing with what I assume was a very nice couple whose first language was Japanese . The transaction was going on when I got there and still going on when I left a long time later . So that essentially left her out as a potential clerk . Another clerk was in the middle of a very long and complicated transaction with the guy in front of me , while the third clerk was chatting pleasantly with another guy . The guy in front of me was finishing up and I expected to be next , but as soon as he left , the clerk put up a " next window " sign and left . This left only TWO clerks working , one of whom was still dealing with the Spanish - Japanese transaction . I myself had noticed that the notebook in which I make notes for thee entries was nearly full and went to the beginning to see if there was other stuff in the book . But no . Going back to January 2013 , the first time I used it for Today at Logos , up until today . Another 2 or 3 Thursdays and I 'll have to get a new notebook ! When I arrived at Logos , I told Sandy all I wanted to do was sleep , was so exhausted . She said she had a slow morning and maybe I 'd have a slow afternoon . Fortunately that was not the case or , indeed , I might have dozed off . But I had a steady flow of customers all afternoon . My first customer was right out of the pages of The Big Bang Theory , a big blustery guy with a comic book t - shirt who was thrilled to have found a copy of " The X Files " in the bargain book section . He went on about " crap TV " and talked about his favorite shows , like X Files , Star Wars and other TV shows and movies that they just don 't make any more , characters , comic books , etc . When he finally paid for his book and left , a woman who had been watching our exchange smiled at me and said " you must have an interesting job . " After a red - headed woman bought 2 contemporary fiction books , our old neighbor came in with a huge stack of books to donate . He told me this was the last of his 3500 book collection he 's been steadily clearing out , realizing that he 's not a kid any more and that he needed to do cleaning up . He told me this was the stack of books he had read and re - read and finally decided he probably would not read again . I think the stack included every book written by Robert B Parker , a mystery writer with whom I was not familiar . I started reading the first in the series and like it . A woman in white skinny jeans , a black shirt , her hair in a bun with a chopstick through it , glasses and flip flops started looking at the old books . I had this flash that never in my life had I been that thin and there is no way I would ever have worn white anything . She ended up leaving without buying anything . Another women I was sure was French came in . She was stylishly thin , had a gamin hair cut , black tights with a black and white checked tunic over it . She wore wedge sandals with decorative black straps and had big wire - rimmed glasses she wore low on her nose . I could just see her fitting in right at home on the streets of Paris . She was every stereotypical French woman you 've seen in magazines or movies . She looked at sheet music for a long time , and ultimately bought " Words of Love " a book of Pearl Buck quotes set in a coffee - table kind of motif . I was disappointed when she talked to me with no trace of any kind of accent . A balding older man wearing a South Park t - shirt , a khaki colored baseball cap and cargo pants with pockets came in . I was reminded of an interview I recently saw with fashion consultant Tim Gunn , who said if he could get rid of any fashion piece it would be cargo pants and how nobody looks good in them . This guy certainly didn 't . But he did look cool on this hot afternoon . He bought a copy of " Canterbury Tales " and told me to keep the 70 cents in change because Logos was a good cause . An older guy with a black hat that wasn 't a cowboy hat , not an Australian akubra , but something like both of them . He bought a book called " The Emperor 's New Mind , " a popular science book about computers , the mind , and the laws of physics . He said he had been looking for it for a long time . A very nice women in a tapestry print cotton dress looked at the bargain books for a long time and finally bought 6 of them and a bag ( our bags are 25 cents ) . She admired the artwork on the walls and wanted to know the price for some of the pieces . Unfortunately I didn 't have that information , nor did I have the name of the artist . A guy brought a stack of all the popular political books - - both of Obama 's , Hillary 's , Doris Kearns Goodman 's " Team of Rivals , " and a couple of others . He put them in a tall stack on the desk and said he wasn 't sure he wanted all of them . He eventually bought 3 and said he might wait to read Goodman 's book for awhile because the last book he read was also quite thick and it took " forevs " to read . We now speak in text abbreviations ! My friend came in around 5 . Apparently his new time . He used to come in around 4 but the last few times I 've seen him it has been loser to or around 5 . He bought a book on China . An athletic young woman with a messy pony tail strode in directly to the Lit section . She wore a short back skirt and carried a paisley blouse , a heavy looking backpack . She wore sensible shoes with black socks . She was there a short time and bought a copy of " White Fang . " Walt and I came home and since I was still exhausted , I fell asleep watching Jeopardy , so it was nearly 8 before I started dinner . I made a dish I found in a cookbook at the store . It was OK , but I won 't make it again . I managed to stay awake for The Daily Show but staggered off to sleep right after and actually slept 8 hours . Hopefully today will be better , since I am better rested . I collapsed last night . Not literally . I mean not literally in a bad way . It was after midnight when we got home from San Francisco and I sat down to watch The Daily Show and pretty much conked out for the night . Citizens Who Care , the support orgaization for the frail elderly and their caregivers . He 's been on the board for several years now . They got a wonderful piece on the local news yesterday and , thanks to having a son in radio , will have a good plug on Jack - FM today or tomorrow . I was upset shortly after we left the house because I realized I had not brought my Kindle and would have nothing to read on BART while we rode to the city . But technology is my friend and I discovered I could get the book on my iPhone Kindle app , so all was well after all and I was able to read to and from the city . Whew . Walt gave me my BART ticket when we got to the station , I went in and put it in my pocket . We then sat outside waiting for the train , got on and started off to the city . When we got on , I checked my pocket and my ticket , which would get me out of the station in San Francisco was there . When we got off the train , I went to get my ticket and it was gone . I don 't have a clue what happened to it , but felt terrible about it . We couldn 't find a station attendant to explain my plight and that I was stick inside the terminal gates , so I just went out a ' BART EMPLOYEES ONLY ' gate . Max 's is 2 blocks from Davies Hall and we eat there whenever we go to the symphony . I don 't know if Char and Walt eat there every time they go to the symphony without me . This time I was smart . I have reached a point where I just can 't eat a full dinner any more . There are lots of nice options on the menu , but I went with a stuffed mushroom appetizer . It was five large mushrooms stuffed with a cheese mixture , topped with pesto , and sitting in marinara sauce . It was just the perfect size , along with some bread and if I had ordered something from the dinner menu , I would have been stuffed . And besides that , the mushrooms were delicious ! The " main event " after the first act of Stravinsky 's Jeu de cartes and Elgar 's Cello Concerto in E Minor was Mussorgsky 's Pictures at an Exhibition . We were in time for most of the pre - show chat and his comments on the Mussorgsky were fascinating . I never realized that the composer wrote the piece for piano and the orchestral version of it has been arranged by several people . We were seeing the Ravel version , but he played several other versions , each quite different from the other . The oddest arrangement was for a balalaika orchestra . ( He said that he decided not to buy the version for a saxophone orchestra ! ) This is the street where we live , our house being just out of sight on the right . The street takes a couple of gentle turns both where you can see it here , and behind me , coming from the direction of the high school where it makes a sort of an S turn . In our first years here , there was no divider down the middle and the high school kids used the street for a race course . There was a major accident almost every year . One year they crashed through our neighbor 's yard and dead ended on top of our newly planted tree . The worst accident , though , was when a car went out of control and went through the wall of our neighbor 's house , across the street from us . It stopped at the foot of the bed of a little girl who was sleeping and it set the house on fire . All the people got out all right , but the pets died . After that accident we had several meetings with city planners to figure out how we could cut down the speed and the accidents . After discarding several suggestions , we finally went with the planter in the middle of the street , with the idea that as the trees grew , it would become more of a residential looking area and kids would be less likely to speed . It seems to be working because we probably have not had an accident along this stretch in about 20 years . The thing is that the planter is so wide that they had to reduce the road space on our side of the street . You can see that on the right there is a lane for cars and a lane for bikes . On the other side there is a lane for cars , a lane for bikes and a lane for parking . No parking on our side of the street . But today , Walt spied a car parked just beyond our house . Not only was it parked on the street , where you aren 't supposed to park , but it was parked so that its back end was near the curb and its front end poked out into the street ( kind of like I park on the street at Atria - - but I 'm in a legal spot ! ) . This made it difficult for cars to pass , impossible for bikes to ride down the bike lane , and very difficult for the big city buses to pass by . At one point there was a bus stopped with the driver out of the vehicle , trying to decide if it could squeeze by the car , while a line of cars built up behind it , waiting for it to move . I hadn 't been to Atria in about 4 days , so it was time to go pick up laundry . I got to the apartment at 11 : 15 and my heart sank . Was today the day ? My first clue , whenever I go to see her , that she has survived another night is seeing that her newspaper has been picked up out of the delivery box . But it was still in the box . Nervous , I knocked on the door and there was no answer . I got out my key and let myself in . I could see the bed unmade . I peeked into the bedroom and she was lying there , eyes opened . I couldn 't tell if she was breathing or not . " Are you awake ? " I asked , and she said that yes , she had just awakened . We visited until she began to wake up . She told me somethig she had never told me before , that she was always embarrassed that there were so many children in her family because their family ( of 10 ) was so much bigger than anyone else 's in town . Of course by the time she was born , the oldest 3 or four were already grown and gone ( and my mother had a nephew 6 months older than she was ! ) , so there were really only 6 or 7 at home . I picked a great day to go to lunch . Since it was Memorial Day , they had a buffet , but not the buffet they have on Sundays . This was actually better - - fewer choices , but better quality . I had 3 slices of a tri tip roast which was rare , just the way I like it , a bit of potato salad , and half an ear of corn on the cob . My mother wanted fruit salad and vegetable soup , but there was no vegetable soup , so she decided to have chicken . I went and got it for her , since her back was bothering her , and there was no fruit salad either , but I did get her a couple of slices of watermelon . The corn on the cob was really good . I am always leery about that particular food item from a food warmer , but this was fresh , warm , crisp and sweet . My mother had decided not to have any but when I raved about how good it was , she decided she wanted some . I remembered this was the woman who , in her teens , once ate 12 ears of corn for dinner ! When she took her first bite , she closed her eyes in bliss . When I got here , I was feeling kind of light headed and just weird and shaky . I decided to take my blood sugar , which was 50 , the lowest it 's ever been , so I had a couple of apricots and it started climbing back up again . I took a short nap , and felt more normal when I woke up . But soon , I had to go to the bathroom , which is where , alternating with sitting in the recliner , I spent most of the rest of the afternoon . It got to where I brought fresh clothes to the bathroom so they would be there if I needed a change - - and I did . Twice . I finally remembered we had Imodium in the house and took one of those magical pills . Things stopped almost immediately ( of course by then I was completely empty anyway ! ) . I wrote a haiku about it for Facebook . The last time we were at a Paul Picnic , the little kids set up " spas , " where we each had the chance to get manicures , pedicures , and facials ( usually putting cucumbers on our eyes , while they massaged our feet ) . This year the kids set up a lemonade bar , where they had a container of simple syrup , one of lemon juice and then various fruits that they could squeeze into the glass to give the lemonade a flavor . My cherry lemonade came with a slice of cherry attached to the rim of the cup , like an orange on a mixed drink . Very cute . I was thrilled that our friend Pat and Mike Hayes showed up for the picnic . They live in Sebastopol and this was the first of these events they have been able to attend . We haven 't seen them in several years . Their daughter Siobhan was also attending for the first time ( though son Joe , who was in Lawsuit , comes every year ) . Mike and I both showed up wearing our Boston Red Sox hats ( naturally I took a picture to send to Jeri ) OK . I can 't avoid the tabloid comments here . Unless you 've been in a coma today , if you 've seen any media reports you know that Josh Duggar , oldest son of the 19 - child family , stars of their own reality TV show , has been caught with his pants down . Sort of . When Dad Jim - Bob found out , he sat on that knowledge and didn 't talk with anybody for a year after the molestations and then reported it to his pal , an Arkansas police officer . The report was made at the officer 's home , not the police station , and , as the officer was himself arrested on a child pornography charge a couple of days later , no charges were ever filed against Josh . Dad also conferred with his church which advised not to go to the police . So Josh was not detained by the law and he received no psychological counseling , but was instead sent off to an uncle who had a logging place or something like that , where he would presumably work off his hormones by working hard , sweaty work . This bothers me so very much on so many accounts . They talk about what they did for Josh after he molested girls . Nobody has said anything about what help the girls received after what must have been disturbing experiences at the hand of their son . The reaction to this news now is also interesting . Mom says it was a " dark time " in their family history but that things are better now . " Josh 's actions when he was an underage teen are as he described them himself , ' inexcusable , ' but that doesn 't mean ' unforgivable . ' He and his family dealt with it and were honest and open about it with the victims and the authorities , " Huckabee wrote in a post on Facebook . " No purpose whatsoever is served by those who are now trying to discredit Josh or his family by sensationalizing the story . Good people make mistakes and do regrettable and even disgusting things . " Others have said that it is a shame people are making " such a big deal " out of this just because the Duggars are famous . " Today Josh Duggar made the decision to resign his position as a result of previously unknown information becoming public concerning events that occurred during his teenage years . Josh believes that the situation will make it difficult for him to be effective in his current work . We believe this is the best decision for Josh and his family at this time . We will be praying for everyone involved . " OK . Let 's try this scenario . The molester is not famous He 's a 14 year old gay boy from a family that nobody has ever heard of . He molests five other boys . People find out about it . Will the police agree not to book him ? Do you suppose he 'll just be shipped off to Uncle Al for good , physical work excise his hormonal demons ? Do you suppose everyone will rally around him talking about " youthful indiscretions " and " He 's better now , so leave him alone " ? This from the mother of a known sexual molester with a lie about trangenders designed to evoke fear from Fayetteville parents . She makes this claim with no evidence that anybody has past child predator convictions , like her son does . Oh . Right . They didn 't convict her son because the preference of the adults in his life was to ship him off elsewhere . This whole thing is so terribly disgusting . But maybe it will knock Huckabee out of the presidential race and reduce the GOP cast of characters wanting the White House down to 18 . Just call me Pollyanna - - always looking for a silver lining . This luncheon has been going on for 40 years . A chance for friends to get together for a leisurely lunch . They invited me yearly for a long time , but the lunch was always mid - week , and I always worked . They eventually stopped inviting me . The only problem was that it was being held on a Thursday , my Logos day . I finally decided to play hookie . Anne , who filled in for Sandy when she was on vacation is now an on - call volunteer and I asked her if she would work for me today so I could go to the lunch . She agreed , and I was free to finally attend my first Lazy Ladies ' Luncheon . Apparently the event continued annually until about four years ago and there hasn 't been one since . But perhaps the impetus for reviving it came from a tea I attended a few months ago , where I got to see a lot of women I know in Davis , but rarely see any more . It was held at the home of our kids ' former nursery school teacher . Was I surprised when I arrived ! This was no " little " luncheon . There must have been 80 - 100 women there and I probably had known half of them , at least , over the last 40 years , though may not have seen them in 30 . What fun ! There was the psychiatrist 's wife , the wife of our kids ' high school music teacher , two women I actually see for lunches a few times a year , the woman I used to work with at the bakery , a friend of Marta 's mother whom I did not recognize until she introduced herself to me , lots of women I worked with on various school projects , the former mayor of Davis , a few women who had been involved in one capacity or another with the Davis Comic Opera Co . , a woman who is the town historian , our kids ' nursery school teacher . . . . everywhere I looked there was either someone I remembered or someone who looked familiar and I was embarrassed not to remember her name . Fortunately we all wore name tags . Only one woman brought up Paul and David ( for which I was grateful ) , but her kids had performed with our kids ( David 's only on - stage kiss was with her daughter ) . successful business woman . She had not heard of all of Marie 's recent fame and we were able to smile that we both remembered her when she was just a little girl in a little town in Mexico that someone thought could achieve good things if she had the chance of an education in the United States . It was definitely nice getting caught up with Dair and sharing stories about our grandchildren . I thought we had figured out a solution to the laundry problem . Once I started bringing her laundry to her in a laundry basket , rather than just leaving it on her bed , she stopped taking her clothes to the front desk saying they weren 't hers . I was proud of myself for solving that problem . Apparently not . So I called in the morning and learned that my mother has . . . twice . . . brought sheets to the dining room to turn them over to someone . They thought I should know . Sigh . When I brought her laundry home to wash last week , I was pleased to see that it was a big bag . She has given me nothing but underwear for a month , and as she wears the same 3 outfits in rotation every day , surely they must need washing . But she refuses to give them to me because " they aren 't dirty . " But this was a hefty bag of laundry and I figured she had finally given me her clothes to wash . But when I came home , I discovered there was only underwear and her sheets and pillow cases . What the heck . . . ? She pays Atria to do her bedding . But I washed it and when I took everything back to her , she said that the housekeeper had not done her bed in two weeks ( which I always don 't believe since sometimes she thinks she has only been at Atria for a few months , so her concept of time is way off ) . I could see that trying to reason with her was an exercise in futility , so I just left the laundry basket with the sheets and her underwear on her bed , as I always do . So I sat her down and told her we had to talk . I kind of laid it on thick to hopefully make an impression on her . I told her that I felt like I 'd been called to the principal 's office . I then told her what she had done and , of course , she has no memory of doing it . I tried to make a joke . I had brought her some lovely sunflowers , which she loved and would interrupt me to talk about how beautiful they were . I suggested that whenever she looked at the sunflowers , she should think of sheets . Kind of silly , but I thought maybe that would work . A few minutes later she looked at the sunflowers and said " I look at those flowers and I 'm supposed to remember something , but I can 't remember what . " I said " the sheets . " She said " what about the sheets ? " It 's a lost cause , so if she gives me her sheets to wash again , I 'll just put them in the linen closet when I bring them back . I tried that with her clothes , but she finds them and doesn 't recognize them . Generic white sheets should be easier to " hide . " My never ending quest to find like - minded people with whom I can discuss books has taken me far afield this time . About a month ago , Char suggested I might like to come to her book club . She 's been talking about this club for a long time and it sounded so much like what I was looking for than anything else I 'd encountered that I said I 'd give it a try . Don Tillman is a brilliant geneticist who probably suffers from Aspergers Syndrome . He has decided it is time to get married and sets about finding a mate scientifically by creating a 16 page questionnaire designed to weed out any women who would not suit him . He calls it The Wife Project . Rosie Jarman is all the things he does not want in a wife prospect . She is also beguiling , fiery , intelligent - and on a quest of her own . She is looking for her biological father , a search that a certain DNA expert might be able to help her with . Don 's Wife Project takes a back burner to the Father Project and an unlikely relationship blooms , forcing the scientifically minded geneticist to confront the spontaneous whirlwind that is Rosie - and the realization that love is not always what looks good on paper . That was the mini review I wrote about it at the time . I especially enjoyed it because of how easy it was for me to hear all the words in the hero 's mouth coming out of Sheldon Cooper . I was eager to hear what others had to say . Today was the meeting . I decided attending Char 's book club had another wonderful benefit to it - - it takes about an hour and 15 mnutes to drive to her house and that means two and a half hours of audio book time . I was in the last parts of my current audio book , " One False Move " ( a Myron Bolitar mystery by Harlan Coben ) and felt that I might come close to finishing it by the time I got home from Char 's . It was a lively discussion with everyone having an opportunity to contribute , which is totally what I missed during my brief time in the Woodland Shakespeare Club . They seem to be a nice group , except for one woman who dominated the discussion with comments more about her family problems than the book . I took an instant dislike to her and was pleased when Char told me that her daughter had quit the club because she couldn 't stand the woman either . It was a fun afternoon . The book for next time is a heftier tome , " The Goldfinch , " which I bought about 2 years ago for my Kindle and have not yet read , so I came home and started it right away . I can already tell that unlike " The Rosie Project , " wich someone in the group today called " cotton candy for the brain " this is going to be a more serious read , but I 'm already looking forward to discussing it with the group . Only yesterday , it didn 't give me the scanner option . I 've been using this method for more years than I can count , and at least 3 years since I got this new Canon printer , so it 's not like I was making some rookie mistake . What the . . . . . I tried contacting PhotoShop , thinking this might be a software problem , but could not find a help number , so tried the Canon printer web site and found a 24 / 7 tech help number , which I called , reaching Sunil Kumar ( of course ) , whose English I only understood about 2 / 3 of the time . I explained my problem and he said he would have to check my computer to make sure I had the right drivers ( because I wasn 't sure how to check that ) . I was still under the impression that I am talking with one of Canon 's reps . I allowed access to my computer and he started searching things and things flew about my computer rapidly while he was speaking things I could sometimes understand and sometimes comprehend . This went on for a long time . Nevertheless , I was not going to fork over $ 350 and would find a work around if I couldn 't get the scanner to work ( the pix I used yesterday were photos of pictures ) . I played the " poor little old lady on social security " card , saying I would have to see if I could afford $ 350 . He kept adding to the list he had typed up for me on my screen showing me all the problems my system had and that 's why I did a smart thing : I hit " print screen " so I could save it , which turned out to be a good idea because when I told him I would have to think about it and call him back , he immediately erased the list . Well . I immediately wrote to my guru and while waiting to hear from him , I tried another graphics program which also had an " upload " capability and it , too , could not see the scanner either . Then I tried the Big Guns . I rebooted the computer . Voila ! I have scanner access again . But supposedly I have a clean PC again . And incidentally , before I called him , I decided to dial the call - back number Sunil Kumar had given me to see what happened . An operator answered , not " Canon printers " to " Speedy PC . " I hung up immediately and within seconds , there was a return call saying ' Beverly ? You just called me . " Like Canon would do that ! I hung up on that call and it was called again , which I just ignored . So be forewarned . Stay away from anything that smacks of Speedy PC Pro . Apparently the only thing they are speedy and professional about is trying to scare you into giving them hundreds of dollars for repairs you don 't need . It was the only significant one to occur in the contiguous 48 U . S . states since the 1915 eruption of Lassen Peak in California . The eruption was preceded by a two - month series of earthquakes and steam - venting episodes , caused by an injection of magma at shallow depth below the volcano that created a huge bulge and a fracture system on the mountain 's north slope . An earthquake at 8 : 32 : 17 a . m . on Sunday , May 18 , 1980 , caused the entire weakened north face to slide away creating the largest landslide ever recorded . This suddenly exposed the partly molten , gas - and steam - rich rock in the volcano to lower pressure . The rock responded by exploding a hot mix of lava and pulverized older rock toward Spirit Lake so fast that it overtook the avalanching north face . Walt 's good friend Dave lived near the mountain in Beaverton , Oregon , which was receiving a lot of fallout of volcanic ash . So we planned a trip to take Eduardo to see Mt . St . Helen . It just so happened that on that same weekend , our friend Michele was giving a surprise 50th birthday party for her husband Richard . We knew that there would be a stripper there and we gave Eduardo the choice of Oregon or stripper . But he grew up in Rio de Janeiro and could see naked ladies anytime - - but when could he ever see volcanic fall - out again ? We took a friend of his with us and went on a camping trip . Because of all the ash still in the air , it was recommended that we wear face masks for our protection . They sold little bags of ash for 10 cents , I think , and one irate father stormed over demanding his kid 's money back because he felt tht he had been cheated . We assured him that yes , we really HAD been in Oregon and this really WAS volcanic ash . . . but if I remember correctly , he didn 't believe us and insisted we give his kid 's dime back anyway . ( The kids may remember this more accurately than I do ) . I revisited Mt . St . Helens in 2000 , when Peggy was here . We were staying with my friend Diane in Seattle and Peggy also wanted to see the mountain . I was actually curious myself to see the change that had taken place in twenty years . Twenty years after the fact , the signs of the devastation were still evident everywhere . The power of the explosion from the mountain could be seen in the dead trees , still lying like matchsticks wherever you looked , many larger trees uprooted ( and this after years of clean up ) . There were burn scars on the walls of the opposite hills , and walls of silt / lava many feet tall seen on the floor of the valley beneath the mountain . It was an awesome sight seeing it up close and personal then . I wonder how it has changed in the 15 years since I last saw it . I have always worked best under pressure . If you want a job done , don 't give me a month to do it , give me a deadline of tomorrow . If I have a month I can find a zillion reasons not to do it until it 's due the next day . I can 't say that I produce my best work that way because that 's the way I have always worked . Who knows what kind of work I would produce if I took my time and did it slowly ? At the time when The Psychiatrist finally figured out I really didn 't want to do his work any more I had a stack of untranscribed tapes that would have filled a drawer . I don 't think he had a clue how many untranscribed tapes I had . But he had this kind of hypnotic , monotone voice when he dictated . I worked for him for thirty years and my body reached a point where it just rebelled against typing one . more . damn . tape . But I recently did an interview for an article which , if I get it written , will appear in the paper next week . I did the interview 3 weeks ago because it was my subject 's last day in Davis and my only chance to do an interview . It was the kind of interview I love , where you toss out a question and get back a perfectly " written " article . All you have to do is copy it to paper . . . after transcription , of course . Kari Peterson downtown , shopped for Davis postcards and little books to send to Brianna and Lacie tomorrow . I 'd done a load of dishes , written a letter to one of my Compassion kids and edited the page of letters from the Compassion kids , did some organizing on my desk , updated my review blog , wrote a note to Jeri about the current review of Cinderella , and rebooted my computer , as requested by one of my anti - virus programs . The screen told me it would " take awhile " for the updates to upload , so I sat down to just look at the current rerun of SVU on today 's marathon . Of course it was one I had never seen before , so naturally I had to watch it to the end . I noticed there was no information on a calendar to the " Next Door " web site for the beerfest Walt is organizing , so I made one for him . I had looked at the dictation machine , but had not touched it and it was time for Jeopardy and then of course dinner and then we had to watch the finale of Amazing Race and Grimm . It is now 10 p . m . and there is a PBS special on King Henry VIII 's palace at Hampton Court ( which we toured many years ago ) . I have the show set to record tomorrow morning at 4 a . m . , but I may sit down and watch it now too . Whew . I 'm wiped out . It 's a good thing today was a Logos day because after watching the season finales of Grey 's Anatomy , The Blacklist and Scandal one right after another , I don 't know that I have the energy to write anything else but a recap of the day ! ( FWIW final scenes of Scandal were the best of the 3 . ) I had a lovely chat with Sandy for about 30 minutes . She and her wife are going through major landscaping and she 's a better man than I am , I have to tell ya ! While we were talking a guy who looked like our kids ' friend Kag was eavesdropping and occasionally adding a comment himself . A middle aged man bought 3 literature books and then an older man came in , kinda shaky , wearing a visor and glasses that wrapped around his head and came apart at the nosepiece in the middle . Not only did he have regular glasses , but also sunglasses on top of his head . He wandered around for awhile and was finally joined by his wife , a thin woman wearing a navy dress and a straw hat . She bought 2 bargain books ( one of which was a book of golf jokes ) and a book on the Old West . As for him , he said he had some books to donate and then went on and on about the eclectic nature of his collection and how he had already donated some to a library in England . The problem was that he was so soft spoken that I only understood about 1 in 5 words and at one point I said " yes " to something and he was surprised that I had heard of that book . Oops ! Busted ! A woman bought a bargain book and counted out her pennies to pay the $ 1 . She was one penny over ! While she was counting her pennies anther old man paid for another bargain book . For a minute , because of the hat and his grizzled appearance , I thought it was the soft spoken man back again , but it wasn 't . A guy came in looking for an out of print book . It always amazes me that so many people come into the store where we have , for the most part , one copy of each book ( some are multiple copies , but those are rare ) and they expect me to check a database to see if we have a certain book . Do you know what a nightmare trying to keep a database of all those books would be ? ? ? They also assume that because I work in a book store , I know every book ever written and which books every author has written . Fortunately I do have my smart phone , so I can check . . . and even Amazon hadn 't heard of the book this guy was looking for . A woman came in wearing flip flops . She had the weirdest toe I 'd ever seen . It kind of stood straight up next to her other normal toes . I wondered if she could wear anything but flip flops ! She was looking for a book by Henry Pressman , a new to her author but didn 't find anything . She did buy a bargain book , and then , when she checked the cookbook section , bought another book , on award winning recipes from the Gilroy Garlic Festival because she found a recipe for garlic basil bread pudding ( which sounded delicious ) . We started talking about garlic and she told me that taking just one garlic clove a day had cured her of her upper respiratory problems . I shared with her the story of the woman I once worked with who was really into garlic and had lots of it at every meal . The problem is when you eat copious quantities of garlic , you don 't just have garlic breath ( which I don 't mind ) , but you excrete it out of your pores and the excreted garlic smells nothing like garlic breath . In fact , working with her I would sometimes get nauseous just smelling her and moved my desk to an open window so I could get some fresh air . I don 't think she ever realized how bad she smelled and I didn 't know her well enough to tell her , and she was an otherwise lovely lady . A couple came in . He looked like a college athlete - - maybe rugby , judging by the clothes he was wearing . He bought a Steinbeck book , and then his female friend bought a different Steinbeck , saying she had never read him before . Oh what a lovely adventure she is about to embark on , if she enjoys his writing as much as I do . An older man wearing wrinkled clothes , slouched in , moving slowly , dragging his feet , and letting his arms hang by his side . He was very pleasant and reminded me of my paternal grandfather in his later years . He got a book off a shelf and sat down at the front table to read . After awhile a woman looking very much like our San Francisco friend Wilma in about 20 years sat down next to him and got her own book to read . Eventually they put both books back and left without buying anything . My friend arrived shortly after 5 and was delighted to find an old book , printed in the early 1930s . It was about Toulouse Lautrec and was written in French . He doesn 't read French , but the book was in very good condition , was only $ 4 and had great etchings in it . I told him now he could invite people up to see his etchings . My last customer was looking for books by Lee Child . She was unsuccessful but bought a mystery about the Knights Templar . Were there always books about the mysterious Knights Templar , or was that a craze started by the success of Dan Brown ? Re Child books , I told her that Walt and I decided that if you eliminated the sentence " Reacher said nothing " from Child 's books , you could cut the length by one quarter . She laughed and agreed with me . Walt went off to " Celebrate Davis " when we got home . I stayed at home because I remembered it was lots of booths set up in the local park by many businesses to give you crap with their name printed on them . You can also buy over - priced food there ( the good stuff is usually gone by the time you get there ) , but it 's a great place to meet friends ( though the last time I went I didn 't see a single person I knew , other than those manning a couple of the booths ) He was home before the fireworks started . We had to put The Blacklist on pause because we couldn 't hear over the sound of the dogs barking ( we had locked them in the house ) . Polly and Lizzie barked , Sheila went into the living room and hid under the dining room table . So many of the shows are . . . well . . . delightful that I am hard pressed to find a different way of saying it and I 'm boring even myself . I have visions of readers grabbing one of my reviews and seeing how far they have to read into it before I use the " d " word . The production is delightful , so - and - so 's performance is delightful , the little kids are delightful . I can use the " d " word 3 or 4 times in one review , if I 'm not careful . Many , many years ago , my friend Stephen Peithman told me about a book that has become one of my bibles . For anybody who writes , especially advertising copy ( which a review isn 't , of course , but it 's the same principle ) , this is a gold mine of different ways of saying the same thing . It promises to be " the thesaurus to help you promote your products , services , and ideas . " I stick with the " Key Word Index , " which gives me ( almost ) every possible word I might want to find a substitute for . Words like " affluent , affordable , alluring , amazing , appealing , aristocratic , ' etc down to " Zesty . " Find the word you want to substitute and the index takes you to a page ( or 2 or 3 ) with possible suggestions for other ways to say what you 're trying to say . Check out " delightful " and it directs you to a page titled " Pleasure / Satisfaction " and offers suggestions such as " Imagine the fun you 'll have , " " the time of your life , " " your passport to . . . , " " entertains while it . . . , " " hits the spot , " " great family fun . " Sometimes they work , sometimes they don 't . Instead of " delightful " this time I went with " This is a production that will entertain all generations in the family . " There was a royal white Cinderella coach drawn by white horses on which you could have your picture taken , which pulled up in front of the theater . The red carpet featured a parade of pint - sized princesses with tiaras and sparkly shoes . ( Left your tiara at home ? No problem . You can buy one in the lobby . ) In the lobby you could also pose in front of the stairway to the palace . Then there was the production , which features the most spectacular magical costume change I have ever seen . . . the sort that makes you want to hit " rewind " so you can see it again because you can 't believe what you just saw ( kudos to William Ivey Long , costume designer ) . Cinderella and her fairy godmother are discussing why she can 't go to the ball , and Cinder indicates her plain dress and suddenly . . . poof ! . . . in the middle of her song , Cinderella turns around quickly and her dress magically turns into a gorgeous ball gown . There wasn 't a person in the theater that didn 't have his or her mouth hanging open , wondering how did they DO that ? ? ? ? And then , if that wasn 't spectacular enough she does it again in Act two , this time tossing a bundle of rags up into the air and when they come down on top of her , she is wearing a gold gown . I 've seen quick change artist acts on shows like America 's Got Talent so I know that it is a trick that many people do , but it has left me gobsmacked each time I see it . That was worth the price of admission right there ( especially my admission , since I was sitting in a $ 90 seat for free ! ) . There 's even a real fire - breathing dragon to start things off . No expense has been spared on this production ! And fortunately it 's a production worthy of the expense . As we left the theater , I was following behind a mother and her daughter , about 4 or 5 years old , I would guess . She was wearing sparkly flip flops and one of them fell off on the red carpeted steps to the lobby . I asked her if she was hoping the prince would find it and come looking for her . He has written 9 books featuring his pot shots , books with wonderful titles like " I may not be totally perfect , but parts of me are excellent , " " I have abandoned my search for truth and am now looking for a good fantasy , " and " All I want is a warm bed , a kind word , and unlimited power . " There are also 5 books other than pot shots , with which I am not famliar , with titles like " Be a good neighbor and leave me alone " ( which sounds like itcould have been written by my father , " and " Breaking free from boomerang love . Getting unhooked from borderline personality disorder relationships . " Born in England in 1933 , he ultimately settled in Santa Barbara and became a US citizen in 1969 ( their loss , our gain ) . Pot shots began syndication in 1975 . Wikipedia tells me that the Wall Street Journal described him in 1992 as " history 's only full time professional published epigrammitist . " He is apparently a familiar figure riding his bike around Santa Barbara . ( The link is to a fun 30 minute video , which also gives a nice view of Santa Barbara ) . Or you might prefer this 60 minute video instead . He sends out periodic ( they may be monthly - - I haven 't checked ) newsletters to subscribers , which are kind of their own blog posts , what is going on in his life , what is on his mind . He is candid about the highs and lows . He wrote awhile ago about an accident he was involved in on his bike , which put him in the hospital for a long time , and other health problems ( " a broken leg ( 4 years ago ) , a heart stent implant ( 18 months ago ) and a broken arm ( just 5 months ago ) " ) And BTW , all of his images are copyrighted . I probably should have written to ask his permission to use them here , but I got the idea for this entry in the middle of the night and there wasn 't time . But I do include the copyright on them ! This duplicates entries in my journal , Funny the World , which I have been writing since March 2000 . The reason for starting a mirror blog is for people who prefer to subscribe thru an rss feed . The title is a quote from The Mikado , " Is this a time for airy persiflage ? " ( light banter ) . Yes , I am ! |
We were up bright and early , just putting the last bits and pieces in the car when the phone rang . It was my daughter Kristie , who lived with my twin sister Tina and her husband , Woody , and their family . She told me that Tina was in hospital about to have an emergency operation . She had suffered a brain haemorrhage late on Wednesday night and was due in theatre any minute to have life saving brain surgery . I felt my legs go to jelly and I could hardly speak . I had been speaking to Tina only the evening before and she had been totally fine . I went straight to Tina 's house as her children all needed to be cared for and I wanted to be with Kristie too . Tina and Woody had been unable to have children and had adopted seven learning disabled children over the course of several years . They ranged in age from three to seventeen at the time . It was an unreal morning , trying to hold myself together for the sake of the children , but desperately waiting for the phone call from Woody , who was at the hospital , to find if she had made it through the surgery . Finally just after lunch Woody rang to say she was in intensive care but that the surgery had been successful . I was over the moon . I had been praying so hard and felt that my prayers had been answered . Within a couple of days Tina was moved to the High Dependency Unit and was doing well . She complained of the most dreadful headache but the staff told us that was quite normal due to her brain surgery . After just a few more days Tina was moved to a general neurological ward and appeared to be making excellent progress . She was able to walk and talk quite normally and have a shower and walk around the ward . The expectation was that she would be home within the week ! Kristie and I were visiting her daily and on the Thursday , just a week after her operation , we had all been sitting chatting about the programmes she would be watching that evening when the nurse brought her tea , which included a small bowl of ice cream . Within minutes Tina 's speech was becoming confused and then I noticed that she was having problems eating her ice cream . Her hand was making odd movements and she was unable to hold the spoon . I alerted the staff on the ward and they explained that she might have some fluid on the brain and would carry out a lumbar puncture to release any fluid . When I left the hospital that evening I was obviously concerned , but the staff had been very reassuring and it seemed that this was quite normal and that the lumbar puncture was routine . The following morning I rang the hospital and they asked me to visit urgently . They explained that Tina was once again in intensive care . I was not at all prepared for what faced me that day . The consultant explained that Tina had suffered a massive stroke due to having a vasospasm , a rare side effect of the brain surgery . In layman 's terms , the blood vessels within her brain had gone into spasm and no blood had been able to reach the frontal lobes . I was warned that they fully expected her to die . I don 't know how I managed to physically stand by her bed , I was shaking and crying so much . She was lying there covered with wires and tubes , buzzers kept going off and she was fitting , which was terrifying to watch . The machines that were keeping her alive required almost constant attention by the special nurses who were with her . I couldn 't believe that she had been doing so well and now they really thought she would die . I prayed so much that day , I asked God why this happened and kept telling Tina over and over again how much I loved her and that she would come through this ok . When I eventually left the hospital that evening I emailed every healer I could find on the internet asking if they could please send Tina healing . I really didn 't think I 'd be able to sleep that night , but nervous exhaustion thankfully sent me straight to sleep . I awoke in the morning dreading the news from the hospital . I phoned and they said she was ' stable ' , but added that there had been no improvement . I went to the hospital as soon as I could and was met by the ward sister who told me to expect the worse . She explained that only the machines were keeping her alive , and even if she did survive the prognosis was that she would be severely disabled and unable to enjoy any quality of life as her brain was so badly damaged . Yet again I sat with her , talking to her , stroking her hand gently . I prayed that she would not leave me . I had lost my Mum , my Dad and my brother all within the space of three and half months just a few years before , and I just couldn 't bear the thought of losing my twin sister too . I talked to her about our childhood , about the fun we used to have , about family memories , even about the battles we 'd had . I just felt that I could not give up . I was sure one day that she had lightly squeezed my hand as I was about to leave , but the nurses assured me that she wouldn 't be able to do that . They said that her brain was unable to distinguish my voice and that she most probably did not have the ability to understand anything I said to her . I ignored their advise and just carried on chatting to her right up until the moment I had to leave in the evenings . Days went by and there was no progress and it became more and more likely that she would just fade away . I was totally heartbroken . I had never lived through such a time . Being an identical twin is impossible to really understand unless you are a twin yourself . We had been together since before we were born . We had shared virtually every part of our lives , most of our childhood and teenage experiences , and even though we had fought dreadfully at times , we were always there for each other and loved one another more than can be explained . Now , days in to her stroke , I was trying to come to terms with the real possibility that this was the end . That I would not have my twin sister anymore . They decided to carry out a further operation to install a shunt , a drain in her brain , which would release the fluid from her brain into her stomach . The operation was in itself risky , but without it she didn 't stand a chance , the fluid in her brain was building all the time . Again there was the dreadful time of waiting to see if she had pulled through and thankfully she did . We waited for a couple more days to see if there was any improvement , but still Tina just lay there motionless , on full life support , with every vein in her body seemingly linked to some needle to give her life saving fluids and drugs . They even had to start using the veins in her feet as they were running out of veins in her arms , her hands and her shoulders . I continually asked God why this was happening and what more could I do to help her and her family through this , but I was too upset to hear any answers . Finally , in desperation , I called a medium that I found on the internet . I didn 't want to phone anyone who knew me , I really wanted someone who had no previous knowledge of who I was . Immediately she began speaking to me , she described our Dad in the most wonderful detail , and told me that he was talking about someone very close to me who had suffered a bleed on the brain . She said this person was in a critical condition and was literally between worlds . She then went on to describe our Mum , both physically and her character , and said that she was with both of us . Amazingly she also described our brother and said that he was looking over us and that he was giving me the strength to cope with it all . She told me that Tina was aware of them with her . I asked her why this was happening and she said that Tina had chosen to go through this before she was born . She explained that it was an experience Tina 's soul had wanted and importantly it would show who would support her and who wouldn 't , who would be able to understand , and who would turn away due to the severity of the situation . I did ask if Tina would survive and the medium told me that she couldn 't answer that , but said that Tina had a very strong spirit and that whatever happened was supposed to happen . I was stunned by such an accurate reading , but still had wished that I could have been told what would be the outcome . The next day I went into the hospital again and as I walked in I said my usual ' Hi Sis ' and took her hand . I was sure her eyelids moved and then thought I felt her gently squeeze my hand again . I didn 't mention it to the nurses , who I felt sure thought I was imagining it , but inside I felt a warm glow and a real sense of joy . Something in me realised that she had turned the corner , that she would be ok . For the first time in weeks I felt an inner calm , an inner strength , I knew I could cope , as if I had been shown there was light at the end of the tunnel . I was full of optimism for her future . Tina 's small movements became almost like a secret code between her and I . Many times that day her eyelids moved as I said something funny and her fingers softly brushed mine . I gave her a kiss goodbye before I left and said I 'd see her the next day . The following day I was over the moon to see that Tina had her tracheostomy tube removed . She could breathe on her own ! That was a huge hurdle . As usual I said ' Hi Sis ' when I arrived and I almost fell over when a few moments later she uttered , in a very hoarse voice , ' Hi ' - she was back ! ! ! The nurses were laughing and clapping and the whole atmosphere in the unit was lifted . She didn 't say anything again for a few days , but she still kept moving her eyelids and through her squeezing my hand I could feel her strength grow day by day . After several more weeks Tina slowly made progress to the point where she was transferred to a neurological rehabilitation unit within the hospital . She was paralysed on her right side , still doubly incontinent , unable to even turn herself , unable to swallow food , and only able to say a few words , but she could laugh , and we would share afternoons laughing at the times we had been through together . I would sit with her and we would watch comedy shows and it would lift her spirits . It really did seem that through joy and laughter she became better and better . Through everything that had happened to her she had managed somehow to keep her sense of humour . Over the two years Tina spent in two specialist rehabilitation hospitals , she showed incredible inner strength and courage , overcoming the most enormous obstacles . Learning to do even the most basic things from scratch which most of us take for granted . She suffered dreadful setbacks , crippling pain in her paralysed arm and leg , frustration of a damaged brain that would not function as she wished , and the agony of a broken hip from falling over when trying to use a walking stick . She had to be admitted to a normal hospital for a hip replacement operation and this caused even more problems as people didn 't understand her speech and her understanding of language , having had such a serious brain injury . Everytime they asked her if she required painkillers she said yes , even if she didn 't , and by the time she was returned to the rehab unit she was totally bombed by the amount of morphine in her body . It took weeks for her to get back to some sense of normality . She suffered incredible loneliness and depression whilst trying to come to terms with the fact that most importantly , she had lost her independence . There were so many experiences that had me in tears over the time she was in hospital , but one of the most memorable occasions for me was when she was first able to stand , albeit with support , and we could have a hug . It was the best hug I 'd ever had . We were both in tears as for the first time in many months I held her in my arms and she could hug me back too . Another wonderful memory was just before her first Christmas in hospital . The nurses organised a Carol Service and arranged for a local choir to come along and we all sat singing the carols . Many of the patients sang too , including Tina , who still has a beautiful singing voice . They gave her a microphone and she sang Once in Royal David 's City . With tears streaming down my face it took me straight back to when we were both five and were angels in our school nativity play and we had sung that very song together back then . I was amazed by the most wonderful work the teams at the rehabilitation units undertook to get Tina as far along the recovery route as possible . Their patience and understanding was incredible . I was overwhelmed by the gentleness and kindness of other relatives visiting their loved ones who were also going through the most traumatic times and yet there was a camaraderie between us all , all supporting one another and all living for the time when those dear to us would regain even a little of their lives . The love within the rehab units was so strong . They were places of both immense sadness and unbelievable joy , much laughter and sometimes , sadly , unbearable heartache . I was stunned by the kindness from the wonderful worldwide community of healers , many of whom stayed in contact with me throughout her two years in hospital . The strangers , literally scattered across the globe who showed an interest and continued to send their healing thoughts to Tina . I will never be able to thank them enough . I was so saddened by the lack of support from the friends and relatives that Tina had . I would never have thought that those whom she had loved and considered close backed away and found themselves too busy to even phone to find out how she was . I was appalled by the total lack of support from social services who I had assumed would be able to offer some kind of help to Woody and the children , but who in reality basically told me that as the children had been adopted and not fostered there was nothing they could do . Just as the medium had said , it was an experience which showed people 's true colours . It was an eye - opener where friends and relatives were concerned , but it has made us both realise who really matters and who had only been there for the good times . The marriage vow , ' for better , for worse ' , often comes to my mind when I think of the people in Tina 's life who moved away from her and her family during this time , when they needed the love and support the most , and sadly received it the least . Some people even voiced that they felt it would have been better that she had just died . It is something I have tried to understand , but just can 't grasp . Maybe the lessons are for all of them , maybe they too one day may require those they hold dear to have the patience and understanding to deal with such a trauma , who knows . Some things are beyond my comprehension and maybe I will find the answers when I am once again back with my family in the spirit world . Tina amazed all the consultants and specialists involved in her care . They said many times that her recovery was a miracle , that it should have been impossible for her to make the progress that she has . Although paralysed on her right side she is still improving . She has learnt to walk again , to eat again , has regained her speech , kept most of her memories and importantly has made new friends through her involvement in stroke clubs that she regularly attends . She has become an avid reader , has learnt to master her i - phone and laptop , how to use Spotify to listen to her favourite music , and can play a mean game of scrabble ! I feel blessed that I still have my sister and that I have been able to share in such an enlightening experience . I thank Mum , Dad and our brother Ray , for the continued love and support they have given us , without which I am sure I would have crumbled . I thank God for Tina 's ongoing recovery and for the strength I was given to cope with this . Most of all I thank Tina for being my twin , she is an inspiration . Simon and I went down to North Devon a couple of weekends ago . I used to live there and sometimes feel a real longing to drive along familiar country roads and walk along a typical sandy Devon beach and feel the fresh sea air on my face . I have a friend who lives just outside Barnstaple , Susan Roberts , I have mentioned her in my blogs before . She set up and runs the English Psychic Company , and she was my first real teacher of mediumship . She ran a tight ship and accepted nothing but the best . My evenings in her classes were a mixture of trepidation and relief . She set such high standards and expected nothing less of us , her pupils . She wouldn 't even accept you on a course until you had passed a test to prove that you had some potential , and that was nerve - wracking in itself . I first met Susan after my Mum had died and I had heard her ( Mum , not Susan ! ) talking to me in the loo , always late at night . The first time it happened I thought it was my imagination , but immediately as I thought that Mum told me it wasn 't . I came out of the loo and didn 't tell anyone what had just happened as I was sure they would think I was crazy . The following night , just before bed , again in the loo , Mum talked to me again , I told her that I was sure she was a wishful thought and again she told me she wasn 't . Well if you are real , I said , make the lights go on and off . To my utter amazement , the lights flickered ! You have never seen anyone move so fast out of the loo ! This happened for several nights . Nothing at all in the daytime , but come my last visit to the loo , there would be Mum . I didn 't see her , but I could feel her presence , her warmth and love , and I could hear her voice , definitely hers , not mine , but inside my head . During the day I was so sad , missing my Mum so much , but feeling quite mixed up knowing that in the evening there would be this very odd form of contact . I tried to reason with myself that the whole thing was just too bizarre and to be honest I often felt that I was losing the plot . It was a secret I kept to myself . Part of me dreaded going to the loo because I was quite afraid , but another part would be looking forward to the comfort that I felt every night knowing that Mum was ok and was still around . I had met a spiritual healer , Liz Gilmour , at a local spiritual fayre a couple of years before and had kept her business card in my purse . I felt sure that she would know of someone locally I could go and see to try to find out what was going on . I rang Liz and without telling her any information at all I asked if she knew of anyone who could communicate with spirits . Without hesitation she recommended Susan Roberts . She told me that Susan had an excellent reputation and was very down to earth . I rang Susan straight away and made an appointment which was for a week later . She asked me to bring along a photo of the person I would ideally like to get in contact with , but she said she couldn 't always guarantee that that person may communicate . Apart from that she didn 't ask me anything else at all . Part of me was so excited to be seeing a professional medium and the other part was absolutely terrified . I had no idea what to expect and kept feeling the biggest butterflies in my tummy every time I thought about it . Eventually the day of the reading arrived and with an enormous amount of trepidation I went along to see Susan . It was such a relief to be welcomed by a ' normal ' woman who immediately put me at my ease . She showed me into her sitting room which spookily overlooked a graveyard , I remember thinking how funny that was . I showed her the photo I had taken along and straight away Susan told me it was a photo of my Mum who had died three weeks before , She told me about Mum 's illness and how she had died . Then , much to my amazement , and laughing as she told me , she said that Mum had been talking me in the loo ! Everything Susan told me was absolutely accurate . I skipped out of her house and driving home felt so uplifted and positive totally knowing that my Mum had been chatting to me . I had no idea at the time that I would again be in contact with Susan within a few weeks . My brother Ray died totally unexpectedly just six weeks after my Mum . He was only fifty and was found in his bed at home . At the time we had no idea how he had died or what was the cause of his death . I spoke to Susan just days after Ray died , as again I was sure I could feel him close to me . She gently started to explain that it was most probably too early for him to be able to make contact , but as she spoke I could sense her hesitating . She asked if a red tricycle meant anything to me . It certainly did . As I said yes she started receiving more evidence from Ray . She told me exactly how he had died and most importantly for me , that he had felt no pain . She told me that his heart had literally just stopped . That he was here one minute and gone the next . Just like that . No pain at all . I was so relieved as I had been concerned that he would have been distressed . Sure enough when we received the results of his autopsy it confirmed that his heart had just stopped and that his passing to spirit would have been instant . I have absolute confidence in Susan and when she told me that over the years she had been contacted by several spirits who wanted their experiences of death heard by a wider audience , I could appreciate why they had chosen her to tell their stories . She had written their stories exactly as she heard them , and over a long period had built up quite a selection . Spirits contacted her from all walks of life with very different stories to tell . She decided to bring the stories to the stage and called the production The Afterlife Monologues . Several of her students took the roles of the spirits and spoke in the first person , recounting their memories . I was intrigued and was so sad when I was unable to attend the first time it was on at a theatre in Devon . It was by pure chance just a couple of months ago that I asked Susan is she was thinking of putting on another production . She said that one was planned for the end of March . That was wonderful news ! I could go and walk along the beach , see some old friends , and go and see the Afterlife Monologues all within a long weekend . I booked the hotel straight away and Simon booked the time off work . We were so lucky with the weather . Our journey from our home in Hampshire was just beautiful . We stopped by a field of new - born lambs , watching them running and playing , then found a country pub where we enjoyed a fantastic lunch on a sunny roof terrace . It couldn 't have been better . We met Susan at her premises and sat near the back so that we could see everything . The stories from the spirits were just incredible , The readers were amazing and bought the stories to life . You really felt they were telling their own experiences . When we spoke to some of the readers in the break they said that they could feel the emotions of the spirits whose stories they were reading , which was certainly conveyed to us in the audience . Simon , who I had thought may find it all a little boring , actually really enjoyed the evening . Afterwards when we were sitting having a drink in the bar in the hotel he was asking so many questions about spirit . Far more than he ever has in the years we have been together . I believe that the moving and realistic way in which the experiences were bought to life really made his mind open up to the reality of our ongoing lives in our spiritual form . I do hope that one day Susan will make a dvd of these stories so that an even wider audience can experience these for themselves . I do think that one thing that so many of us find so hard to talk about is physical death . It is a subject that many people avoid as they say it is depressing and also of course many find the whole thing terribly frightening too , which is understandable . It is though , the one thing that we all know for sure will happen to us at some time , yet most of us are totally unprepared for it . We are also unprepared for the death of a loved one . It is almost taboo to talk about such things unless you are talking to an insurance salesman or a solicitor who is drawing up wills . I know that when my parents and my brother all died within less than four months I wouldn 't have been able to cope without the certainty that their spirits , their souls , still existed . It was largely thanks to Susan and her spiritual communications that I could manage to get through those dark days . I was talking to her after my Dad had died , telling her how very sad I was and how much I missed him . She told me something I will never forget . She said that whilst we are all so upset here for losing someone we love , at the same time there are massive celebrations in the spirit world as that person is being reunited with loved ones who have passed before . She said to imagine that my Dad was on a ship , leaving the shore , waving to me as he went , but when the ship completed its journey , he would reach another shore where his Mum and Dad and his brothers and sisters would be waiting to greet him . I thought of that many times over the years , knowing how pleased Dad would have been to see his family and in particular his twin sister Mary again , knowing how much he missed her throughout his life . We had a wonderful time back in North Devon . I did manage to walk along my old local beach and enjoyed feeling the warm sand between my toes , breathing in the crisp clear air . We drove down many winding country lanes , shared lovely times with old friends and Simon took some great photographs . What a great mini - break we had , and how delighted I was to have been able to see the Afterlife Monologues . I know the stories and experiences of those spirits will stay with me always . I have the feeling that when it came to choosing my parents I was like an excited child in a sweet shop . There were just so many choices , and metaphorically speaking , I filled my pink striped sweetie bag with the many personality traits and ensuing emotions that I wanted to experience during my upbringing . A real mixture of sweet and sour , soft and crunchy , chewy and creamy , fruity and nutty ! I am sure my guides must have been exasperated trying to find parents that would fulfill my criteria . I think on the whole they did fairly well ! My Mum , Sheila , was four years younger than Dad and although she lived less than three miles from him , in Golders Green , their upbringings were poles apart . There were many romanticized rumours of Irish blood , a Hungarian Jewess and even a Marquis somewhere in her ancestry . Mum was raised in a liberated , educated , middle - class environment , as an only child , by her Father Ray , and an eclectic collection of aunts . She was told her Mother , whom her Father had not married , had abandoned her when she was a baby . Mum would like to invite many friends round , put on loud music and dance around the sitting room singing and laughing . Dad would prefer to sit quietly , reading a book or listening to classical music . Mum was liberal and carefree as a parent , Dad was strict and ensured that his long list of rules were adhered to . Their marriage was a match made in hell in so many ways . Why they ever married I never really understood . Was it my fault ? Was it my ' parent order ' , made many years before in the universal sweet shop , that made them meet and marry ? Or , had there souls asked , maybe even jointly , to experience a fifty year marriage to a partner with absolutely nothing in common ? I hope to find out one day . My parents were , separately , great people , but together , my goodness , sparks flying is the understatement of the year ! Mum 's temper was instant and would flare within moments , my Dad would simmer and then explode like a violent volcano . What a combination ! Did I really ask to experience these traits ? I must have done , but with hindsight I feel just one parent with a temper would have been enough . As we became older , their rows became more physical . More and more of their possessions were smashed , damaged and broken as they hurled them at each other . Luckily neither of them were good shots and they very rarely managed to hit their targets ! I can 't even begin to count how many times one or the other left . Normally in the middle of a heated row a few items would be hurriedly stuffed into a few carrier bags and we children would be wondering who was leaving this time . If our Mother left we would normally leave with her , and in a strange way it was always an adventure full of excitement and wonderment . We wouldn 't know where we were going or who we 'd be staying with . In fact it was through many of these surprise breaks from home that we got to know some of our more interesting far - flung relatives , who I am sure we would have never met under normal circumstances . Then , sometimes within a few days , or at most a couple of months , there would be an emotional reunion , all would be forgiven ( but I am sure not forgotten ) , the family would be back together again and the house would be full of love and laughter again . As I said , separately , they were marvellous parents . I learnt so many different facets of life from each of them . Dad had a wonderful way of bringing nature to life . We would spend many hours in the garden together where he would teach me the magic of growing the most beautiful plants . We discussed the wonderment of mother earth and the natural beauty of the planet . He taught me that divine power was within everyone and everything . Dad had been aware of spirit since he was five when his twin sister , Mary , had been killed in a road accident . He had seen her throughout his childhood and still spoke to her as I was growing up . He also used to spend time talking to my late Grandfather , who had died before I was even born . Mum was always extremely well - groomed , with her perfectly applied make up , and looking more like a model than a Mum , she was surprisingly cuddly and very caring . She adored playing with us and had an enormous amount of patience helping us with our schoolwork . She always said that her favourite time in her whole life was when we were all young . I think having missed out on a Mother 's love in her own childhood she never wanted us to feel the loss and pain she had felt . She was a very good medium herself although she only used her gifts to help those who were close to her . Interested in all things spiritual , Mum often took herself off to what I thought at the time were mysterious meetings . She would come home and tell me all about it , but I was too afraid to pay much attention , but I do remember that her guide was a gypsy girl called Topsy . That terrified me , thinking that Topsy would appear at any moment as I was sure that she would be hiding in the house somewhere and would be watching me . Mum instilled rules for life in me that I still try to live by . Her overwhelming wish was that everyone would treat each other as they would like to be treated . She would do anything for anyone and over the years I saw her befriend and help many people . It was just a shame that she and my Father didn 't adhere to the same philosophy when it came to their own relationship ! Every house we lived in was full of spirits . All of us were aware of them . I often saw faces on walls , people at windows and shadows moving across the landing . As I grew older more and more things would be happening to all of us , no matter which house we lived in . My most worrying times were when the towels would be moved from the towel rail in the bathroom . You could just be sitting on the loo and watch them , one by one , fall onto the floor . I used to be too afraid to move and would yell for Mum to come and rescue me . She 'd always walk in and just say " God Bless You , now please leave " and tell me everything would be fine , but it was never fine for very long . I asked for a mixed bag of sweets , and that 's certainly what I received . I can 't imagine now having any other parents who would have given me such a broad spectrum of emotions and experiences throughout my childhood . Yes , I would have preferred them not have spent so much arguing , but then I am sure that within their difficult relationship were lessons for all of us within the family . I do think that we tend to concentrate on the lessons we are taught by our parents , but what we must not forget is that they too are developing spirits , and would have chosen souls with our attributes to be their children . What a massive testament to the incredible organisational skills of spirit to bring together the right people , in the right place and at the right time . I can only imagine that from the millions of souls they look for a ' best fit ' . What a headache it must be ! Several years ago I had been through the most difficult year of my life . My Mum , my brother and my Dad were all taken to spirit within weeks of each other and I felt my heart was breaking . At the same time , as well as dealing with my own personal losses , there was so much negativity everywhere . Every time I put the television or radio on there was more depressing news . I have never understood how people could be so cruel to one another , or use their own greed to take from the needy . There seemed to be an avalanche of distressing events on a global scale . I sat in the quiet and asked my guides how this could happen . How could so many people be in such distress ? Why were children dying of starvation ? Why were so many countries at war ? I was questioning my faith in God or the Higher Powers . I felt so sad in my heart and was desperate for answers . I wanted someone to shout that it was all a mistake , that everything would be put right . Whenever I find myself questioning the unfairness of situations that the innocent find themselves in , the terrible traumatic events that so many have to go through , the heartbreak and tragic losses people experience , I read this and try to understand . It is not easy . It takes a lot for me to look at the bigger picture and try to accept that our souls have to move forward through these dreadful lessons of life . I hope that one day we will find an easier way . In my own experience it has been rare to talk to anyone at a workshop or in a spiritualist church , circle etc who has not gone through some pretty traumatic events in their life . You may say , well that goes for everyone , but I truly believe that is not the case . I have known many , many people over the years , who have had what I would call , easy lives , and who are not at all interested in anything spiritual . So , ( avoiding the are we / aren 't we re - incarnated discussion for the moment ) if we accept that we are re - incarnated , then when we are ' in - between ' lives do we sit with a long list of experiences that we can choose for our next life ? Do we somehow get ' points ' for each testing experience we manage to work through , ? Do more points make for an easier life the next time or is it like a ladder of achievement where we move further and further up the more points we have accumulated ? Are we given a series of budgets of sorts for various parts of our life . For example , we would have an emotional budget / a body budget / intelligence budget etc , etc . So we can choose , from the body budget , for argument 's sake , to have beautiful eyes and good skin , but that to keep within budget we may also have to choose to have knock knees and big feet ? Or , could we choose to be the most intelligent person in the world and know that we are going to inherit a vast amount of money but end up blowing all our inheritance on an invention that never takes off ? Sometimes , though , we may be given the choice of a limitless budget , where in our naivety we choose what we consider at the time to be the best financial circumstances , the very best parents , the most amazing healthy and beautiful body , just to find that these set of circumstances don 't actually give us any spiritual warmth but that they may in fact teach us invaluable lessons . Does some higher power choose for us ? Or … the really big question I used to ask … . is it all totally out of our control ? Is everything random ? I am positive that is not the case . An excellent medium and friend , Susan Roberts , from Barnstaple , North Devon , gave me the most accurate readings from my loved ones in spirit several years ago , which included some information about my future . At the time I didn 't dare to believe her prophecies because they were so positive and exactly what I had secretly wished for . Everything she said , to the minutest detail , happened , just as she had explained . So , obviously there was a plan in place , somewhere , which she ( or her guides ) could access . I just thank my lucky stars that I actually ticked a few good boxes along the with the challenging ones ! So , where was I ? Oh yes , me and animals . Ever since I can remember I have been surrounded by various pets . My parents had an Alsatian when I was very young , Bruce , who I gather adored my twin sister and I because we would sit in our high chairs and call him ' Fru ' ( we couldn 't pronounce Bruce ) and feed him anything that we didn 't like . As an animal loving family we went on to have a collection of cats , dogs , rabbits , hamsters , guinea pigs , gerbils , tortoises , goldfish , tame hedgehogs and even a salamander . When I first married at 22 I was feeling quite lost with no pets around me . My twin had decided that she wanted a kitten and I knew she was going to look at a litter . What I didn 't know was that she couldn 't bear to leave without the last kitten and arrived on my doorstep with a little black bundle of fluff with the biggest green eyes I 'd ever seen . Babs had arrived . Her mother was Burmese , and her father was a moggie , but Babs didn 't like to even think about that , she looked and behaved like a full Burmese , which meant she felt she was far superior to any of the other cats in the neighbourhood . She was never what you would call a cuddly kitten . She would sit on your lap for a couple of minutes and then be off climbing . I say climbing because that was one of her favourite past - times . She would climb up the walls hanging onto the wallpaper , climb up the curtains and sit at the very top and then fly across the room and land on a top shelf , then spring off again and she 'd be balancing on the top of the open door . I had never known a cat like it . We lived in a bed sit , so our bedroom was in our sitting room , or if you like , our lounge included a bed , whichever way you want to look at it - it was a small space and we had to share it with Babs . In the middle of the night she sidled under the covers and took great delight in sharpening her claws on our unsuspecting feet or legs . She was the wildest of cats . She grew ever more wild as the months went on , to the point where she would sit in wait on our garden wall for the neighbour to come out into her garden and then leap off the wall and attack her . For no apparent reason she would have violent outbursts attacking everyone and everything in sight . I was at my wit 's end . I was covered in scratches and bites , everything in the flat was scratched and chewed . She even hissed at me when I arrived home from work and would walk sideways growling , which is pretty scary ! I managed to get her into a wicker basket , and with her hissing and growling all the time we were on the bus , I took her to the vets to ask his advise . I had always thought that if you treated an animal with love and affection they would respond lovingly , but Babs had taught me that she didn 't share that belief . The vet tried to examine her . I had warned him that she could be quite vicious but he assured me , in a very condescending manner , that with his vast experience he knew how to cope with any cat . By the time he had managed to get Babs back in the basket he had been bitten and scratched many times . Babs had won . He shook his head in disbelief and without any tact whatsoever , told me , that in his opinion there was nothing to be done except to have her put to sleep . I looked into her beautiful green eyes and knew I just couldn 't agree to that and implored the vet to give me any other possible solutions . He wearily muttered something about how some cats can calm down a little after they have had a litter of kittens . Well that was obviously the answer , I thought , delighted that I had the ultimate excuse to have kittens around me for at least 8 weeks ! Babs duly complied and in a short space of time it was very obvious that she was pregnant . She had always been very slim and now she had a very large tummy which we could actually see moving as her kittens were stretching and vying for position inside her . Her tempestuous nature though hadn 't changed one jot , except as her pregnancy went on she did give up the climbing and leaping . I was beginning to wonder if I had made the right decision . Eventually , after what seemed an eternity , Babs went into labour . I had been to the library and read all about kitten births and had everything at the ready , although everyone told me that she would be very independent and would most probably prefer me to just leave her alone . I had made a kittening area in the corner of the bed sit , and was chuffed when Babs decided it was the perfect place to give birth . I put on gentle music and soft lighting so that it could be a relaxing environment for her . I went over and stroked her and spoke gently to her , telling her everything would be fine . The contractions became stronger and I thought I should now leave her to it . As I walked away she got up and followed me , so I went back to the corner and sat with her again , comforting her . I could see that a kitten was due any second and really thought it was time for me to leave her , again , as I got up to leave she got up to be with me . OK , I said , and I laid down beside her , and stroked her all the way through her first kitten being born . Instinctively she knew exactly what she should do and within a short time the tiny little kitten was hooked on to one of Babs teats . About ten minutes went by and contractions started again and another kitten was born . I stayed with Babs the whole time , speaking softly to her , assuring her as best I could . After just over an hour had passed she had given birth to six beautiful kittens . I cleared up the area and gave her new soft towels to lay on . What I had realised was how gentle she had been with me through the birthing and hoped it would continue . From that day onwards our relationship changed dramatically . She became the most wonderful cat I could wish for . I became quite ill and had to undergo several operations , and she would sit beside me all day until the family came home . As I managed to walk a little further each day she would walk beside me . Neighbours would comment that whatever time I came home from work , which could vary greatly day - to - day , Babs would wander up to the gate about five minutes before and be waiting for me . She talked incessantly and would be telling me all about her day as we walked together along the path to the front door . It sounds mad I know , but she would really be trying to talk to me , I could feel it . Although she was great with me she still was not good at the vets , so much so that the vet would only examine her or give her annual vaccinations if she had been tranquilized . We did this for many years and for some reason I always felt like I was letting her down . On one particular occasion she was due to have her pre - vet medication and as I was about to crush the tablets into her food I was sure I heard her thoughts . She told me that she hated the feeling of being tranquilized and promised she would be very good at the vets . I held her face in my hands and looked deep into her eyes , " ok " I said , " I 'll trust you , but you have to be on your best behaviour . " If anyone had heard me they would have thought I 'd gone mad . The vets face was a picture of concern as the realisation dawned on him that Babs was not sedated in the slightest . I took her out of her basket and put her on his examining table . I told him that she said she would be good as gold . He gave me a ' that woman is crazy ' kind of look but was surprised how well behaved she was . She was looking straight at me as he put the needle in the back of her neck . I heard her say , by what I can only think was some kind of thought transference , see I told you I 'd be good ! I was working but always had Mondays off work to do the washing / ironing , shopping etc . This particular Monday had started off quite normally . My husband went to work just after 8am and I took my daughter to school just before 9am . I popped into the shops on the way home . I remember it was a lovely sunny late summers day . We had moved into a brand new house in the January and hadn 't met many of the neighbours at all . It seemed to me that every morning there was a mass exodus as everyone went to work , and the only time many people were around was on the weekend . As I opened the front door a feeling of utter doom came over me . I started crying and as I walked into the kitchen I looked at Babs bowls and I remember hearing her say ' come and get me ' . I knew she was dead . I was howling . I phoned my Dad and sobbed down the phone to him that Babs was dead . He asked what had happened and I told him I didn 't know . I said I didn 't know where she was but that I knew she was dead . My Dad tried to calm me down and told me that she was most probably fine . He asked if I had called her and I said no , I knew there was no point . I told Dad that I would go and find her and would phone him back . I phoned my husband and told him too and I am sure he thought I had gone mad . He too told me to go looking for her and he thought she might have been locked in a garage or shed somewhere . It was so difficult to explain to them that I knew absolutely that she was dead . There was no point in looking for her in the garage . I picked up a shopping basket and walked aimlessly down the road , looking at all the empty drives by the houses . Eventually I saw a house with a car on the drive and knocked on the door , as it happened I had met the woman who answered and she could see I was very distressed . I asked her if she would come with me and look for my cat . She kindly agreed and I instinctively knew where to go . We walked along the road , quite a way , we turned left , past more houses and finally I walked up a bank onto a single railway track . Babs was lying on the track . She had been hit by a train . I couldn 't bear to pick her up and had to ask the site manager if he could go and get her for me . I phoned my Dad and told him straight away . He asked me how I had known and I tried to explain . Dad was always aware of spirits through his life and he said he thought it was because Babs and I had such a strong bond . I phoned my husband and he was just stunned . He came home from work straight away . I felt desolate . I have often wondered about the ' dreams ' or what I prefer to call ' visits ' that I 've had for over 40 years now . In my sleep state I have often spent time with relatives and friends who have passed to spirit . Sometimes we just sit and chat and at other times we sing and dance , or my favourite , we fly , plane free , over the most beautiful countryside , over the sea or even up into the darkness of the universe , the wind rushing past us as we effortlessly fly past shining stars . There are two main differences I have noticed between these experiences and ' dreams ' . Firstly I remember that I am aware that they have passed from this physical life , in fact we often discuss it at the time , and secondly , I have vivid recollections of these ' visits ' and years and years later I can still remember every moment of them . A couple of weeks ago my good friend Kay loaned me a wonderful thought - provoking book . It was the kind of book I just couldn 't put down , it just made me think so much . One of the chapters was about astral travel , something I admit I have never really been interested in , but the book was so good I thought I might as well read it . I was stunned to find similar examples of my own ' dream / visit ' experiences and was really excited to read that you could actually ask spirit to travel to you before you fell asleep at night . So all tucked up , next to my unsuspecting , sceptical husband Simon , I said my usual prayers and then remembered to ask my spirit family to travel to visit me . I didn 't even think to mention it to Simon . At three in the morning I was awoken by Simon literally leaping out of bed , racing round the bed to the bedroom door and putting the main light on . I was shocked ! I asked what he was doing . He told me that I had been in the doorway and I couldn 't see because it was dark so he had to put the light on . I laughed and told him I 'd been asleep and told him to come back to bed . I didn 't even think about the request I 'd put in with spirit a few hours earlier . The next evening I went to my regular development circle run by my friend Annette . She was standing outside with other members of the circle as I arrived . She was obviously excited and couldn 't wait to talk to me . She told me that she had been aware of being in my house in the middle of the night ! Then she went on to tell me that she had seen Simon ( with no clothes on ! ) and had told him to put a shirt on . She said that there had been quite a gathering and she had wondered why she was there . I was stunned and couldn 't quite believe what I was hearing . I was covered in goose bumps , which I call truth bumps , which for me are always a sign of a spiritual truth . Her face was an absolute picture as I then told her what had happened in the night and especially when I told that I had specifically asked for my spirit family to visit that night . She was struggling to come to terms with what had appeared to have happened . We were both just so amazed . I couldn 't wait to get home to tell Simon . In his typical sceptical way he said it must have been a coincidence . I asked him how many times in his lifetime he had jumped out of bed and put the main light on . He admitted he never had before . A few days later Annette was discussing the events of that night with a good spiritual friend of hers and said she had been wondering why on earth she would have been in my house that night . She told her friend that I had asked for my spiritual family to visit and her friend told her that it make perfect sense as she is most probably a member of my soul group . When Annette told me I was again covered in my truth bumps , the explanation made so much sense to me . Annette decided it would be a great idea to set up an astral travel experiment and Kay agreed . Now every night before we go to sleep , all three of us ask if we can astral travel together . Kay really fancies popping off to Hawaii , a place she visited and loved on holiday . Every morning we contact each other and compare notes . So far , not one of us has any recollections of travelling anywhere , but there is still that wonderful anticipation every night that we could all end up in our hula skirts on a sun - kissed beach ! Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this : |
Synopsis : A woman walks into Jim Richards office with a story of how her husband died due to his participation in the stage show of a local hypnotist . The man later walked into a casino and shot a few people before he was taken down by security , and the woman blames the hypnotist for his actions . Jim takes the case and goes on a quest to find the truth . Was his death part of a plot by the hypnotist and his shady business associates or acting on his own . What was the motive for sending an innocent man to kill using simple hypnotic suggestions . Will there be more murders by other innocents ? On the side , Jim ? s mafia friend , Angelo appears at his door and announces he is moving to Vegas from New York . Jim puts him to work as a celebrity protection bodyguard and Angelo ? s first assignment is to protect a young female porn actress coming to Vegas for a convention . Angelo takes on the job with his past expertise as a leg breaker for the mob . Unfortunately , the girl is kidnapped and Angelo isn ? t happy . Will he bring in his mob connections to find the kidnappers or take the task himself ? This a 10 Chapter preview , to read the whole story buy the book . Chapter 1 The man in the tuxedo cautiously walked through Casino Royale in search of Le Chiffre . He came to the Baccarat table where he saw Vesper sitting with cards in front of her . The tuxedo man stood for a moment when one of the bodyguards for Le Chiffre turned to him and pulled a weapon . The tuxedo man pulled his Walther PPK and fired on the man , hitting him in the chest three times dead center . Men in security uniforms came rushing up with guns drawn and yelled for the tuxedo man to drop his weapon . He didn 't , and raised the gun to protect himself as the guards all fired on the man , killing him . " Name 's Mike Finch , business cards in his wallet says had a stock brokerage over in Summerlin . They say he strolled in and pulled a twenty - two and started firing . He hit three people , luckily , no one was killed , and then security had to put him down when he refused to stop . They say he looked like he was drugged , but I 'll know better when I get him back to the morgue and dig into him . " " Thanks Joe , another meth head gone bad probably , " Lynn said as she stood , looking down at the man in jeans and blue dress shirt . The next day I was in my office when the woman came in the front entrance ringing the small bell on the door making its tinkling noise . I sat waiting for Lacey , my office manager and receptionist to let me know what I had in store . She came to my private office door and said there was a woman wanting help . I stood and went out to find an attractive blond , about five - six and well built standing at the counter . " Hi there , I 'm Jim Richards , how may I help you . " I was careful how I worded things since she was a looker and I didn 't want my wife to misconstrue my intentions . My beautiful Las Vegas TV talk show host and wife , Penny Wickens - Richards had this telepathy thing about her that could tell if I was unfaithful even in my mind , so I was always cautious about my wording . " Okay , please follow me to my office and we 'll talk . " I winked at Lacey as she sat at her desk and took the widow to my office . I motioned her to the client chair as I sat at my desk . " Okay , I personally know Detective Carter , and she is a fair and dedicated homicide officer , but sometimes things don 't always add up for the police . You may have some important information that may help me to solve your case , information that the police may not look into . Can you tell me more about what happened ? " " Three nights ago my husband , Mike and I took some business clients to the Fitzgerald Hotel to see this hypnotist and the man called my husband to the stage to help . He hypnotized my husband and told him he was James Bond and had him act out a few things that Bond would do , stand like him and tell the audience that he was agent 007 . Yesterday my husband left our home then went to the Rio Hotel and into the casino where he shot three people before the security shot him dead . I don 't blame the guards , I say the hypnotist had him commit the attack that resulted in his death . The police said they 'd look into it , but I think they were just blowing me off . " " I don 't know ; he never spoke to me about his business . If there was any money stolen or transferred because of this , I wouldn 't know . " " Okay , please write down everything I need to know , names and places , times of the incidents , and where I can reach you . " I pushed my pad of paper and a pen to her as I caught a glimpse of her ample breasts in the low cut blouse ; I was going to catch hell for that later . She spent about ten minutes writing and then pushed the pad and pen back to me . " Thank you , this is my rate card , will you be able to pay for my services ? I 'm not trying to be rude , but some people who come here aren 't very well off and still I try to help them . " She looked to the card I handed her with my rates and then took out her wallet from her purse and removed four hundred dollars in large bills and put them on my desk . " Money 's no problem for me , here 's the retainer . Mr . Richards , please take this killer down for me . " " I 'll do my best . " We stood and she went out of my office as I followed her to the lobby , getting a good look at her caboose . Well - rounded , oh hell , I was going to suffer for that too , when I got home . She turned , smiled and said , " It 's a pleasure to meet you , I 've read a good number of articles in the Review - Journal about your exploits . I know I can trust you to catch my husband 's killer . " " I 'll keep you informed , thank you for trusting me with this . " She took my hand and we shook , her hand was very soft and warm , giving me thoughts , another reason I was doomed when I got home . " Well , stop it . I 'm not going there and I 'll be dead if I did . " I went back to my office and sat trying to think of things that were not sexy , like old fat women in spandex and gray hair . That did it . I turned to go to my personal bathroom , it was nice that we each had our own , and I was being followed by our toy Yorkie , Willy . He came into my bathroom with me and I set him on the closed toilet so he could watch as I washed and shaved around my beard . I washed my face and the top of my baldhead and thought about getting some of those hair transplants to fill out my empty space on top . But it would ruin my charming looks , sort of a favorite grandfather type , who everyone trusts and loves . I finished and picked up Willy and we went back out to the dining area where Penny had set out a great spread complete with the good silverware . I sat at my spot as Penny put the hot dishes on the table and then sat . I was in trouble . I 'm not very good at telling Penny tall tales and so I just fessed up , " I had a very attractive woman in today looking for me to catch her husband 's killer . Yes , I did look but that was all . " We finished and I helped clean the table as Penny put the dishes in the dishwasher and we retired to the living room with our beer and chips . We were watching the big screen TV when the driveway alarm went off . I went to the small TV monitor , scanned the area , and saw nothing but a dark colored sedan . The person who had driven it must have gotten out quickly and came to the door . The bell rang and I had my hand on my Glock as I went to the door , opening it , and stared at the visitor . It was our favorite mob wiseguy , Angelo . He thanked me and entered , nearly filling the doorframe . He was a huge man , mostly muscle , not really tall , about my height , five - ten and he had to be in his fifties now . He had the face of an Italian mob figure , more Sicilian but a chiseled sort of image . We first met Angelo in Vegas when Penny and I came out here from Michigan to get married and he was told to be our bodyguard by his mother Francis , a mafia grand lady who was also out here getting married to don Gino Traviano . I was part of the rescue of Francis from the clutches of the Bridezilla killer and the New York family sort of adopted Penny and me . " Angelo , please sit , " I said as I directed him to our most comfortable chair . Willy came running over and was bouncing around his feet . He remembered the big guy from past encounters . Angelo grinned and picked up the pup and held him on his lap . " So why are you here , is everything all right back in New York ? " I asked . " Oh sure , Mr . R . everything is hunky - dory . I just felt like I needed a change , and told my sainted mother that I had to try something new . She agreed and said I was a big boy now and should get out and explore life . I felt really good the last time we were out here bringing that hitman to you . " I noticed his way of talking like a wiseguy was slipping back . I thought he was doing well and must have been taking lessons to talk without sounding like Joe Pesci in the movie ' Casino ' . In fact , Angelo reminded me a lot of Joe Pesci . " Well , that 's real nice . Thank you , just till I can get started out here . Do you know of any places hiring that could use my expertise ? " he said with a grin . I didn 't know any mob families out here , but I think he wanted to be away from the life . " What kind of work are you thinking of getting into ? " I asked . " Okay I 'll talk to my partner , Buck and he can get you started . He 's in charge of security for hire . So are you in the hotel now , can you move your stuff here today ? " " Whatever you say Mr . R . , I can do it . I only have a coupla of bags ; I flew out on the family jet . They dropped me off and went back . " " Okay , " I looked to Penny and she nodded , " We should go get you moved here then . " Penny was already up and getting her purse and Willy 's travel bag , but Angelo was holding on to the dog , so she just carried the bag . We all went out to the nice black Ford sedan he purchased and Angelo drove us all over to the Tropicana . On the way he was telling us about his mother and that she was getting more into Pilates and Tai Chi . I had to chuckle thinking about an aging mob queen doing Pilates . We arrived at the hotel and went to his room , then to the front desk to cancel his stay . We took his bags and went back home and Angelo was delighted with the small house . It had only one large room with a separate bath and a kitchenette . " This is perfect , " Angelo beamed . " I 'll be real careful with it , no parties , or busting up the place . " I laughed , " I hardly think you 'd do those things . Put your stuff away then come back to the house and we 'll celebrate your new home . " We left him to unpack and went back to the main house . We sat until Angelo came to the door and knocked . I let him in and handed him two keys , one for the guesthouse and one for our house , just in case . He thanked me and we sat the evening talking and relaxing . Around eleven we said good night and he went back to his room . Penny and I retired to the bedroom . Early the next morning I heard slight noises from out in the house and quickly pulled on pants and a shirt , grabbing my Glock from the bed stand , I quietly went out . I could hear tinny noises from the kitchen area , snuck around the doorway and looked in . Angelo was in the kitchen and it looked like he was making breakfast . I just stood there for a minute or two and then he turned to head towards the door I was standing in . He looked surprised and said , " Hey Mr . R . I was just going to call youse guys to breakfast . I made pancakes and I know Mrs . R . likes oatmeal . You should go get Mrs . R . and let her know so her food doesn 't get cold . " Penny went off taking Willy with her and I got into my Crown Vic , only because I needed to start my investigation today . I told Angelo to follow in his car so he 'd have it to get around . We arrived at the office and came through the back way and down the hall . I was whistling so I wouldn 't scare Lacey and I heard her yell , " I hear you " . We came out of the hallway and her eyes went big as she saw Angelo . " Angelo , how are you ? " " He 's moved to Las Vegas , and I 'm going to put him to work . Do we have any bodyguard service coming up ? " I said . " Okay , I 'll have to get you bonded and licensed to carry under our business permit . ' I said to Angelo . " Do you still carry that big . 357 ? " " Well , we have to do it by the law here now , just to cover our asses . I 'll ask Lynn if we can get you pushed through so you can start work . " I turned to Lacey , " When 's this actress coming ? " " Sure , he was lucky enough to be killed himself . Why would an investment broker walk into the casino and start shooting people ? What did Joe Lang say about the body , any drugs ? " " As a matter of fact I do . You know I was once a performing magician and I had a number of friends in the business who did stage hypnotism . I was given the low down on the whole system . A person can 't be made to do something they are morally against , say murder , but … here it comes … they can be given a post hypnotic suggestion if worded carefully making the person believe he is in a situation that he thinks is make believe or part of an act . So if Finch was made to believe he was James Bond and told to go through the casino in search of the evil people , he might have done the deed . " " Okay , so we 'll look into this from another angle . But you are going to lead this investigation ; you may as well earn your big retainer . " She smiled and walked to the precinct . Captain Weber 's eyes lit up and said , " Tandy Messner ? ' Lust in the Dust ' and ' Wicked Little Women ' ? Wow , Jim , can I meet her ? " " They don 't do that , only on TV and it 's a joke . The Amazing Kreskin was the best TV hypnotist and performer . He claimed he was real , and no one ever disputed his claims . He was good . " " This is not TV , this was a real death , and we don 't know his motive . Okay , you claim he was hypnotized , if he was , what was the motive ? " About an hour later , after Lynn and I went to the breakroom for lukewarm drinks out of the machines , Deacon and Angelo came back . Angelo was beaming , he said he was all licensed up . Deacon said , " Angelo aced his shooting test . Great firing pattern , all death shots . I 'm glad he 's on our side now . " We left and drove back to the office and in . Trapper was in his office and was surprised to see Angelo . " Hey , how are you doing ? " Trapper gave me a look , I said , " He 's moved here and I have him on protection detail . His first job is guarding the body of Tandy Messner tomorrow . " I waited for it . He grinned and went back to his paperwork as I took Angelo to Buck 's office . Buck was happy to see Angelo and they swapped hugs . Buck had gone out to New York with me and Earl Daws to find a missing stripper . We found her and Angelo and his family were thankful since Francis ' nephew married her . Angelo put the jacket on and it fit well , even hiding his . 357 under his shoulder . " Looks good , " I said . I noticed the embroidery on the pocket , saying ' Richards Investigations and Security ' in small but readable lettering . We all sat for a while talking and then I said to call it a day . We had to be refreshed for tomorrow , and I had to get ready to go watch a hypnotist tonight . I asked Buck if he wanted to come , he said he 'd love to , and Maria wasn 't working tonight so he 'd bring her . I said I 'd call about the times and would see him later . Angelo and I drove our cars back to the house and parked . I had Angelo park behind the garage door leading to the mini - limo since I didn 't take it out much . We went in and found Penny watching TV with Willy . She jumped up when we came in and came to me with a big hug and a kiss . " He is , I 'm not . Now take that look and put it away . It 's a job and Angelo is going to handle it . Tonight we are going to Fitzgerald 's Hotel to see a hypnotist . How 's that sound ? " We sat watching a couple shows that came on and I filled in Penny on my new case . She liked the premise of the hypnotist making the man do a crime . I said it wasn 't good for the victims , she agreed . Around six I called our friends to see who all was going , everyone agreed and so I called for ticket reservations and we got ready . I invited Angelo and he was delighted to go with us . We were ready and I told everyone to meet us in the lobby of the Fitzgerald Hotel outside the showroom . We left the house , putting Willy in the kitchen ; he wasn 't happy , and then and drove to the hotel . We arrived at Fitzgerald 's and in to find we were last , but I had the tickets in my name so no one could get in until I arrived . Trapper and his lady friend Sam were there , along with Buck and Maria ; Lynn and Deacon , all of us . We went into the showroom and sat . After a while the room went dark and the show began . Finally , the hypnotist came out to applause and I sat stunned . I was squeezing Penny 's hand and she whacked me , saying , " That hurts . What 's the matter ? " " He started out as a magician and he wasn 't very good at that . So he hooked up with a woman who was a hypno - therapist and she taught him about the art of making people fall asleep . But his stage presence makes audiences fall asleep without the hypnosis . " For the next hour and a half , Jason Biggs worked the crowd , he wasn 't too bad , but not as good as some of the other hypnotists on the strip . He wasn 't as original or entertaining . He did the standard bits of stage hypnotism , making people do silly things , I think he had a couple confederates in the audience . A confederate is a person who works for the performer and comes up to do staged acts of hypnotism . Faking it . The show ended and all the audience was appreciative of his performance , but I 'm sure most of them had nothing to compare him to or they 'd have walked out about an hour and ten minutes ago . Like I wanted to do . I stayed for my friends who seemed to like him . " Well , I thought he wasn 't bad , " Penny said as we stood to depart . " Not as good as a couple hypnotists I 've seen before but passable . " Angelo was totally enthused by him , " Wow Mr . R . he was really good , I wonder if that stuff is real , could I be hypnotized ? " I didn 't want to tell Angelo that he would make a lousy subject , he was too distracted by his surroundings and wouldn 't be able to focus on the whole process of hypnotizing a person . " Angelo , some people are too smart to be hypnotized , you are one of them , " I told him , he was happy . Such a simple man he was , and yet he was once a strong arm for the mob . Amazing . We went to the lobby and Jason was at a table autographing glossies . They were nice , but looked like he took them of himself with a cheap camera . I stood by the table watching him smile and sign for people , he glanced over my way once and then back to his writing . He paused and then looked back to me . I could see the recognition forming in his brain and he grinned . I took Penny back to our friends standing by the lobby waiting . " He 's going to talk to me in a bit , we go way back and I didn 't care much for him back then . I have a feeling that isn 't going to change . If you guys want to take off or go explore Fremont Street , we can catch up later . " Trapper and Buck talked to their ' dates ' and decided to go check out Fremont . Angelo wanted to stay to meet Jason , so we waited for him to finish . Not many people wanted his autograph especially since he was charging twenty dollars for the photo and signature . " Such a pleasure to meet you Mrs . Wickens . " She started to explain her name but I held up my hand and mouthed not to worry about it . " I have seen your show a number of times , you are really a great host . " I changed the subject quickly and introduced Lynn and Deacon . " Jason these are our good friends , Lynn Carter and Deacon DeAngelo and this man is our friend Angelo DeMario , he 's our celebrity protection specialist . " Angelo smiled and held out his hand . Jason took it and winced under the pressure of Angelo 's grip . I continued , " Lynn and Deacon are in homicide with the Las Vegas Metro police . We came to see you for a reason . About four nights ago you had a man on stage and convinced him he was James Bond , do you remember that ? " " Thanks for that , good to see you again . Take care and I 'll tell my friends about you . " Yeah , like that will happen . We left him standing and went out . I called Buck and told him we were going back to the house and he said that he and Trapper were taking the women and going out dancing . I said to have fun and hung up . I didn 't want to mention to Penny that they were going partying or she would have us up till all hours . The next morning was Saturday and Penny wanted to sleep in . I let her , then I heard Angelo in the kitchen again . As soon as the smell of sausage and potatoes wafted down the hall , Penny shot out of the bedroom grabbing her robe and was in the kitchen drooling . I followed in her wake and sat at the snack bar waiting . " It 's good for me Mrs . R . I may consider opening up a restaurant like my grandmother had . All good Italian foods . " He smiled as he dished out more sausages and then my morning toast , perfectly buttered . We all loaded into the car and drove out to McCarran Airport and parked in short - term parking . Tandy was to have a car waiting for her so Angelo would be going with her . Lucky bastard . We found the chauffer for the car agency with his sign and stood by him . I noticed there were a number of photographers standing around us also . I looked back and said , " Oh look Tandy is behind us by the baggage carousel . " Every one of them scrambled to rush over as I stood laughing . The plane had pulled up to the ramp , hooked up and they opened the doors . By now the paparazzi had returned and were snarling at me . I just ignored them and Angelo threatened them , so they all backed off . I could see her coming out of the departing door and the phototogs all swarmed over to get their shots . I was surprised as Angelo muscled in between them and came up to Tandy putting his arm around her shoulders and said something in her ear . She smiled and cuddled in closer to the big man . She almost disappeared under his cover as he moved forward into the cameramen . He made a growl like I never heard and yelled to move . It was like watching Moses part the Red Sea . They all opened for the huge man and he escorted Tandy to her chauffer . The chauffeur led Angelo and his charge to the limo parked out front . Penny and I followed as fast as we could but they were in the car and whisked away before I got a chance to say welcome . Penny grinned as I turned to her and she said , " Gee , that 's too bad , you missed your opportunity to meet a porn star . " We drove to the office and went in the back door . I was startled by a cowbell ringing when I opened the door . I looked up and saw it was duct taped up on the back of the door and then I thought of Lacey . She came down the hallway and was laughing , " Surprise ! You took too long putting up an early warning system on the door , so I took matters into my own . It works . " Lacey went back to her desk and Penny went over to plop down on the couch in the waiting area . Willy jumped up on her , with help . Lacey had picked him up this morning before we went to the airport . " I need to talk to you about working on Saturdays . Do we really need to do this ? " Lacey asked . " If Trapper and Buck can sleep in on Saturday mornings , I should have that respect too . " " We 've had no business on Saturdays other than one woman looking to catch her husband with his mistress . Trapper got that case taken and done . Otherwise it 's a useless day . " " She 's doing great , in school and out . She has a good number of friends and we have P . J . parties for them . Mac likes to tell them ghost stories late at night to scare the bejesus out of them . He can be mean sometimes , but he is a good man . " " What do you say we close up the office and go to Sonics for burgers and onion rings ? " Willy 's head came up fast and then he stood . Penny laughed , " Do you think he can understand us ? " We closed up the office and went to Sonics to eat in the car . I liked to watch the carhop girls roller skate out to the cars carrying trays of food , they were good , not one spill while we were there . I was enjoying my food and wondering how Angelo and Tandy were doing . He was a bit overwhelmed by it all . He may have once been in a rough trade for the mob , but he hadn 't been real worldly . His family was involved mostly in illegal gambling and numbers , don Gino Traviano was not a friend of prostitution or drugs . He felt men could easily lose their money rather than their virginity or mind . Angelo mostly oversaw the men who would remind the slackers who didn 't pay back their bad bets to do so or face consequences . A leg breaker as they were called . Now he was in a limo with a porn star going to a convention of porn film actors and actresses , he was in heaven . The limo pulled up to the entrance of the convention center and there were a good number of people outside waiting . Angelo told the driver to hang in with the luggage and escorted Tandy through the crowd outside . They went in and to the registration booth and got Tandy all signed in . Tandy was staying close up to Angelo all the time they were in the lobby and then they went out to find the booth for the video movie company Tandy acted for . Tandy went to the director 's chair behind the table so she could sign photos of herself , as Angelo sat in a chair behind her to watch the crowd . Ben was setting the booth up with boxes of videos to sell and pulling literature out to hand to people . He had three gorgeous women in bikini 's staffing the booth to hand out the pamphlets and push the video sales . Penny and I had finished our meal , drove over to O ' Sheas Casino and went up to the theatre lobby . The theatre wasn 't open yet but they had a magic museum that people could visit in a side room . There was a row of counters and display cases with magic tricks for sale , and a tall gaunt man was behind the counters . He greeted us in the almost empty room . " David Carlos , good to meet you . What can I do for you ? " " I 'm here to find out about this Franz Liefer , what kind of a man is he ? " The question took the man by surprise . " He 's a hypnotist and he 's good . I 've watched his show everytime he 's performed here . He 'll be here tonight , I can get you tickets . " " That would be great , can you get four , two for my friends . " " I can do that . I 'll have the tickets in your name . " He looked to Penny and his eyes went large . " Excuse me , but aren 't you Penny Wickens ? Of course you are , you did your TV show from the magic convention and you had said you were married to Jim . Nice to meet you . " " Well , the guy is strange ; he seems to have secrets more than magic or hypnotism . Frankly , he scares me , his mysterious ways and he looks evil , but I guess that 's his trademark . I hear he seduces women with his hypnotic ways and turns men into blubbering fools . Again , it 's his act , on stage and off . I wish I had his personality , I wouldn 't be here selling these tricks to tourists . " " Well , there have been some very strange people coming and going before and after his shows to visit him , people who I would think were not nice people , you know the gangster type . Bad men . Crooks even . " " You know that 's a trade secret , but I think it 's all a put on . Plus I think he hypnotizes people before his show and gives them a post hypnotic suggestion to fall asleep on stage . I heard , but can 't prove , that Kreskin used to do that . The magic in any show is presentation , no matter how you arrive at the end . Magicians , as you know , have to white - lie and cheat to make it look like they are sorcerers . Hypnotists have to work on a person beforehand to get them to do the stupid things they do on stage before an audience . They can 't hypnotize everyone in a few seconds . " I thought about that , I would have to ask the widow Finch if her husband had any contact before the show with Leifer . David continued , " Leifer even looks like he 's evil , pointy sideburns down to the middle of his cheeks and a pencil thin mustache and goatee beard . He looks like the devil , if the devil were a man . He even has his hair styled so he looks like that Wolverine guy in the X - Men movies . I like watching him perform , but he 's not funny like most hypnotists , although he has a style . You have to see him to understand . " I led Penny back downstairs and out to the sidewalk of Las Vegas Boulevard . " We have a few hours to kill , for now . Let 's take a stroll on the strip . " She agreed and we walked up past the Venetian Hotel then crossed over and back down to the Bellagio to watch the water ballet . We took the crossover bridge and then back up to O ' Sheas . We found our car and drove over to Metro PD , I wasn 't sure if Lynn and Deacon would be in , but it was a nice day for a drive . We went into the squad room and everyone went crazy for Penny , I just stood back and watched the people drool over my little celebrity . It 's funny , there are celebrities and then there are the big celebrities , like Penny . She was a star of her own Vegas talk show , formerly a nationally known talk show host , and had all the lesser celebrities pawing to get on her local show . She could make or break a person wanting to be a big celebrity with a little exposure on her show . " She 'd home in bed , I pulled duty this morning and she didn 't . I 'm trying to sort out this Finch shooting , why did he do it ? Joe Lang says he had absolutely no drugs in his system . Did he have a grudge against someone in the casino ? Was he going after someone who was threatening him and he snapped ? Why shoot up a casino floor and get killed ? " " That 's four questions , two more and you get a prize . I 've told you , he was hypnotized into doing it , for why I don 't know . Penny and I are going tonight to see the guy who did hypnotize him and maybe talk to him . We have tickets for tonight 's show at O ' Shea 's and two extra if you and Lynn want to go . " " That 's an extra question , I 'm keeping track now . Yes , I think it could be a viable reason for the shooting . Something you may have to look into with open eyes . So call me if you two can make it . " Penny spoke , " The magic man at O ' Shea 's said he thought Leifer was up to no good , I hope that this Leifer guy isn 't working on some kind of plot to destroy Las Vegas . I 'm getting tired of terrorist wanting to destroy our city . And you having to save the day . You don 't even get paid to save Vegas , not even given the key to the city . I 'm going to have to call the mayor and complain . Or I 'll invite him to my show and put him in the hot seat . I 'll get you a key . " Ben was throwing questions out to Angelo about his life with the families of the mob . Angelo was delighted to spin the stories even if he embellished just a bit . Tandy was having a great time being in the spotlight and giving autographs to her fans . Angelo was watching one man standing just off the side and he was watching Tandy a bit too hard . Okay , Tandy was a porn actress and would bare all herself on screen , but not in real life . At least Angelo didn 't think so and this man was thinking a bit too hard on Tandy . Ben was still firing questions at Angelo when the big man suddenly sprang from his chair and ran to the man now holding a hunting knife as he moved towards Tandy . Angelo 's fist met with the man 's face and he went sprawling out in the aisle way , as Angelo went to step on the man 's wrist holding the knife . He bent down , took the knife away and pulled the man up with one hand , holding him like a rag doll . " You can get a good rest tonight , Miss Tandy , I 'll be watching you all night . " He suddenly went red - faced and said , " I didn 't mean I would be watching you , I meant I would watch you , oh , not in that way I 'll watch you … Okay , I 'll be protecting you tonight . " They went out of the convention center and found the limo that was going to take them to the Venetian Hotel . The driver was asleep in the driver 's seat and Angelo knocked on the glass awaking him . He jumped and unlocked the car , as Angelo opened the door for Tandy . They got into the car and were seated in the comfortable seats as Tandy grabbed a bottle of scotch from the limo bar , pulling the cap and took a good swig from the bottle . She wiped her mouth on her sleeve and handed the bottle to Angelo . The car drove out from the convention center and Angelo was watching the roads and was wondering why the car wasn 't going towards the hotel . The limo drove up Paradise and then into a parking lot for a row of warehouses , then an overhead door on one building opened and the car went inside . Angelo had his . 357 out but the doors were pulled open before Angelo could get a grip on what was happening . Four men in gas masks sprayed the car interior with hoses attached to canisters , and that was the last thing Angelo remembered before he passed out . " Oh , thank you , I 'm glad I have your support . My cell phone rang and it was Deacon . I answered , " Hey , are you guys going tonight ? " " No problem , glad you called so I can get hold of someone else . Tell Lynn to take it easy and see you guys later . " We disconnected and I dialed Lacey , she came on after two rings and said , " I 'm not working tomorrow , it 's Sunday . " " Oh , well , that 's nice , but we have plans . About a dozen teenage girls are coming to spend the night . Jesse is having a midnight vampire party with the latest video of the ' Twilight ' movies , and Mac is dressing up like Dracula . " I had to laugh , it was like the days back when we first met . I 'd call for info at his police precinct and he would protest , but then he would get the info for me . " How would you and Sam like to go see a hypnotist ? " " Hold on . " He covered the phone and I barely heard him talking to Sam . He came back on and said , " Sure we 'll go , are the tickets free ? " " Okay , you are mostly right , but yes you have been known to be wrong . Most times it isn 't as it appears . . . . and if it appears the way it isn 't , then apparently you never knew what it was . " She turned and kissed my nose , I was now totally confused . We drove out to his apartment on the east side around Maryland and Harmon , about two blocks down from where I lived years ago . We pulled into the parking lot and I called Will to say we were waiting . They came out and got into Penny 's Ford Escape . I liked the small SUV , but I liked my twenty - two year old Crown Vic better , but we decided on taking Penny 's vehicle . " Nope , Joe Lang didn 't find any drugs in his preliminary tox . His widow says this hypnotist we are going to see was responsible for the shootings and his death . I 'm in need to find out if the victim was hypnotized into walking into the casino and shooting a few people . " " I remember a case like that back in Michigan , where a woman was hypnotized into believing she was Supergirl and later tried to fly off the roof of Cobo Hall where the show was being presented . The hypnotist was charged with aiding to her death , but got off . His defense made it look like the woman was unstable to begin with . " " Well , it 's a touchy subject . Can a person be hypnotized into doing something they morally wouldn 't do ? But the hypnotist can set up a scenario in a person 's mind that they are living out a fantasy that is being lived in real life . Therefore , our dead victim may have thought he was James Bond , after a criminal and shot up the casino , in his quest for that criminal . He believed it was real in his mind . " We had our meal at Hot - N - Now and then went to the parking structure at O ' Sheas . We went up to the showroom and I took everyone to the magic shop display . David was there . I turned to see the line forming for the box office . I told Trapper to wait with the women while I went to get the tickets . He agreed and I went to stand in line . Twenty minutes later , I came back and handed them their tickets . We went into the theatre and were seated . The building was nice and old looking . The seating formed a semi - circle around the stage and the place was done in lots of reds and velvets . " Good , I call every day to talk and she is doing great . Just has to heal now , it 's a difficult procedure to endure . They take the penis and open it , then remove the cartilage , then turn the skin back into … am I being too descriptive ? " " Good evening ladies and gentlemen , tonight I will explore the mind and the soul . I will have my way with a few brave souls who will come up to demonstrate the power of the psyche . I will explore the inner mind and create worlds that my volunteers will believe they are experiencing . " I thought on that comment , could he create worlds that exist in someone 's mind making them believe they are doing something they aren 't . Like shooting up a room full of people . " I will require the help of a few willing volunteers to come up and participate in my experiments into the human mind . " I thought he was heavy handed in his presentation , but the audience around me were giving him their full attention . His voice was smooth and I felt he could lull a person into a hypnotic state . I had read numerous articles about hypnosis , there were so many different opinions on the art of hypno - therapy and stage hypnotism , it was a mess of information about the subject . As a magician for many years , I really knew very little about the subject , just what my performer friends told me , and they were all just that , performers , not licensed hypno - therapists . So I would have to take this guy with a grain of salt . " I need about three volunteers to come up and help with my journey into the psyche . " He moved out to the foot of the stage and pointed to three people in the front row , they reluctantly came to the stage . For the next hour and a half he did some amazing things . I wondered if he was really doing the feats he performed or the volunteers where stooges he placed in the audience . We 'd see later . I watched the show with a magician 's eye for anything out of the norm , he did well . I would have to check on his background and see if he had any formal training in hypnosis . He had the audience in the palm of his hand and played them well . He wasn 't a funny kind of performer as David said , but he had an aura of mystery about him . It played well . " Well , he 's not exactly in custody , we found him passed out in an alley and he had a . 357 magnum in a holster under his arm . We brought him in and his wallet showed he had a permit for the weapon and we called Detective DeAngelo since the permit was signed by him . Deacon told us to call you , so that 's what I 'm doing . " The officer was silent for a moment , " Tandy Messner ? There was no woman with him . Do you mean Tandy Messner , the porn star ? Was she supposed to be with him ? " " I don 't think so , " I hope not , " Just tell him I 'm coming in . Thanks . " I hung up and turned to Trapper . " Got a big problem , Angelo was found in an alley , unconscious and Tandy Messner wasn 't with him . I 'm going in to Metro to find out what happened . Can you check out the hypnotist for me ? " " Sure , we were waiting for you before we tried it . Think it will be safe to awake him ? We ran a check on his background and seems he 's part of the Traviano mob family in New York . " " Exactly right . Penny , stay out here . I 'll take the chance he 'll be alright . " I went in and stood back from him , then broke the capsule holding it out arms length to his nose . I watched for any sign of life , then saw a flutter from his eyelids . He started to stir and I went back out of the cell quickly . Angelo stirred more and then jumped up shakily . He looked around and his eyes went big , he cleared his throat but it sounded more like a lion 's roar . Then he saw me standing by the cell door . He came charging over and stopped short of me , looking in a panic now . His legs seemed to go rubbery and he went back to the cot in the cell and sat . He shook his head , " Damn it , someone 's got her ! We were gassed in the back of the limo , that 's all I remember . " Detricks went out of the cell saying he 'd get a detective . Angelo looked up to me and said , " I screwed up Mr . R . , I let her get taken . Damn it ! " " Angelo , there was not much you could do ; this was well planned by the sound of it . You did all you could . Now let 's get over there and find her . " I helped him to stand , he was still shaky but he rose up and took a big breath , then said , " We 'll get her back , or I 'll make sure someone suffers for it . " Warren agreed and we went out to the cars . Penny sat in the back with Angelo up front , as I drove over to the convention center and then we sat as the two patrol cars pulled in alongside of us . I rolled my window down and called to Warren that we were going to recreate the drive , so follow close . I drove out going the directions Angelo was giving me . We went up Paradise Road for a bit when Angelo became excited , " That 's the place ! Over there ! " I saw the row of buildings and pulled in followed by the cop cars . He pointed out the overhead door where they drove the limo into . We got out and went to a smaller service door , followed by the police and Warren . The door was locked and Warren said it would take a while to get a warrant this late . Angelo looked to him and said , " You police have to do it by da book . I ain 't a cop . " He charged the door , which gave way to his mass and busted open . " There , now ya got probable cause . " He grinned and turned to go in , we followed . The building was empty , but the limo was still sitting in the middle of the room . Warren and I checked inside and found nothing . Even Tandy 's baggage was missing . Angelo was storming around the building looking in rooms , calling Tandy 's name . I knew it wouldn 't do any good , but it was what Angelo wanted to do , so I didn 't say anything . Warren told one of the officers to go check the building to see . He went out and we waited . He came back a few minutes later and said there were two cameras on the building pointing to this section of the warehouses . Warren said to call back to the precinct and get the building owner on the phone and find out where the camera feed was going to . The officer left again to go make his call . Warren phoned for CSI to come in to check the car . Maybe they 'd get some prints . " You can 't make someone do something that is against their moral nature , you can 't tell someone under hypnosis to shoot someone , but you could tell that man that he is shooting at a target . It could be done , by someone capable of such expert hypnotism . I 'm capable of doing this , but would never . " About twenty minutes later the owner of the warehouse units came in and opened the office to take us to the room where the camera surveillance recording equipment was . He ran the tapes back to when the limo drove into the unit and played it from there . We watched and about ten minutes later , a dark blue panel van pulled out through the bay door after they opened it . The Van drove off , and then a Chevy SUV drove out . There was one man who closed the overhead door and then he went off to a car parked next to the building . The back of the car was exposed to the camera . Warren leaned close but couldn 't read it , " I 'll have someone from CSI take it in for enhancement . Sir , we need this tape . " The building owner pulled the tape and handed it to Warren ; he went out with it . He looked sad , yet I could see the anger seething in him . I hoped we found her , I didn 't know the capabilities of this man , what would he do . " Let 's get out of here and go see what CSI has found . " " Angelo , don 't take this personally , Jim has had his own problems with finding the bad guys but he knows that things can turn out good , if you go into it with an open mind and think clearly . Don 't let your anger take control ; we need to get her back , so let 's take care of it . " She hugged the big man and he held her briefly with a tenderness that she hadn 't expected . " Yep , she was in town for the Adult Film Expo and Awards . Angelo was assigned to protect her , but he was overtaken by these people . I want her back and someone to pay for it . " " I don 't know , Lynn is ill and Deacon hasn 't called yet . But they 're homicide and I hope it doesn 't come down to murder . Thanks . " " Good , we 'll go there and start . " I told Warren that we were leaving and to call me if they find something . We went back to the car and drove over to the Venetian . We went to the front desk and I asked for Ben Silver 's room . They wouldn 't give out his room number but said I could use a house phone and they would connect me to his room . I picked up the phone as the girl behind the counter did a few punches on her keyboard and I heard the ringing of the phone . It rang for a good ten times before I gave up . Angelo smiled and said to hold on , walked off the side of the lobby and then he pulled his cell phone . I could see he was talking to someone , I hoped he wasn 't calling his leg breakers in . He came back and said , " We wait a couple minutes and then we can go see Ben . " About ten minutes of standing in the lobby talking about Angelo 's day at the convention center , Angelo 's phone rang and he answered . He grinned and hung up . " We got ta go da the fifth floor . " He turned and went towards the elevators , we followed , it was his show now . We got off on the fifth floor and there was a room maid standing down the hall . Angelo went towards her , with us in tow . She pointed to a door and pulled her master door card inserting it into the door lock ; it opened . Angelo thanked her and she went off , as Angelo went into the room . " We aren 't the police my dear . This is now called breaking and entering , although the maid did let us in . So we aren 't breaking , just entering . Half a crime . " I grinned at her and went into the room . It was a mess , I couldn 't say if it was searched by someone or Ben was just a messy person . I came forward and gently pulled Angelo back and stepped up to the man . " I 'm Jim Richards and I 'm the owner of the firm for investigating and security , Angelo 's employer . It seems that Tandy was kidnapped by unknown people and we are trying to find her . " " You really don 't want to know , I understand from Angelo that you have a fascination for the mob ? Some questions are best left unanswered . " He nodded as if he understood . " Sorry to intrude on you but we needed to know if you knew about this . Have you heard anything from the kidnappers , since you were her employer ? " " I didn 't mean it like that ; I meant she was so popular that I was making money from her videos . I care for Tandy and if she 's missing I 'll do anything to get her back . I 'll hire you to find her . " " Mr . Richards , the porn industry is a billion dollar business , okay , I don 't make billions , but Tandy 's potential is huge . She 's only been in the business for a year and a half and look at her popularity . She 's going places , and not just in the porn industry . There have been feelers from legit film companies for her to star in a major film . Good people want her , she 's a natural actress . " I looked to Penny and said , " Well , this is something to think about . " I turned back to Ben and said , " I certainly hope this is not a publicity stunt , to get more attention for your star . We 'll find her , count on it . " We were feeling the effects of the long day , I could see Angelo was fading , maybe from the gassing he took earlier . I drove back to the house ; everyone was silent thinking our own thoughts . We got back to our home and I stopped the car , letting Penny and Angelo out before putting the car in the garage . Angelo went off to the guesthouse and Penny went in the front door , I met her as I came out the garage door to the kitchen . She was feeding Willy . " So where do we go now ? " Penny asked . " Nowhere I can say , I 'll call Warren and see what he has , but Warren is in homicide so the kidnapping may be handed over to someone else . We 'll see . I need to call Trapper and see what he came up with on the hypnotist . I have to get back on that case before the trail gets cold , " I said . " I didn 't think about that , I 'll have to set down some ground rules for him . I can 't expect to be careful all the time . " She turned and went off to change ; I went to my den and sat at my desk . I pulled my cell phone and dialed Trapper . He came on after two rings . " No , we got nothing from the abduction scene so far , forensics is working on some prints and a license plate number . I have to call Warren to see what he has . What did you get from the hypnotist ? " " Not much , but my gut instinct is he may know more than he 's telling . How do you plan to handle the two cases ? Want me to take one ? " Trapper offered , relieving me from having to ask . I told him everything I knew about the evening at the warehouse , including Ben 's statements from his hotel room . I told him to get with Warren and find out who may have the case now . He said he would and we finished the call . I sat back in my chair and thought about what I would do next . I had to get hold of Joe Lang and see what the autopsy revealed on Finch , then get hold of Lynn and Deacon to see what they had from forensics on the incident at the casino . This was going to be a busy couple of days I figured . I watched Penny swimming around from out of my den window , then went through the door to the pool . It was nice having a door from my den going out to the backyard , saved time from having to walk back through the house . I came up to the pool , sat on one of the plastic chairs and just watched her until I started to drift off to sleep . " Well , you have a visitor in your office . " She smiled and walked up the hallway to the front . I went to my office and found a woman sitting in my client chair . It was the well - built Mrs . Finch . I didn 't need this to start my day . " I didn 't figure you would , but I came by to say that my husband 's associate in his business called me last night to express his condolences and offer to help with anything I needed . It was nice of him but I never liked the man . My husband went to college with him and they started the firm together two years ago . Mike and his friend , Dan Clark , built up the business from nothing to handling a good number of wealthy clients . My husband did most the stock buying and selling and Dan took care of the finances for the business . I 'm having some thoughts that Dan may have been doing more than handling the finances . He said that he 'd take care of the business , and I didn 't have to bother with any details . He said he would buy out my husband 's interest in the business , and see that I was paid well for it . I think he wanted me to keep out of it by the way he talked . " I thought on that , could the partner be in on the plot to have Finch killed ? Maybe he wanted Finch out of the picture . " You suspect anything about this man being in on your husband 's death ? " " Anything at this point is possible . Just the fact that my husband walked into the casino and started shooting people is incomprehensible . My husband would have no reason to do so without being coerced into it . No reason at all . I just wanted to let you know of my call from him , may help you . " " He does , at least I think he does . My husband used to go in at eight a . m . and not come home till after six . I hope he was in his office all day . I never followed him to find out . That 's what private investigators are for , " she said with a smile that would light the Luxor spotlight . I had to stop that , Penny was probably picking up on my thoughts as I had them . Uh , oh . " Sure you may call me anything you like , I mean that would be fine . " I stood quickly hoping to get her out of my office . She stood slowly and deliberately , smoothing out the tight red dress she barely had on . I glanced over to Penny 's bikini picture and then led Mrs . Finch out . In the lobby she took my hand again and held it a bit too long . I was wondering if this woman was so devoted to her husband , why did I get a feeling that she was coming on to me . " Thank you again , Jim , " she said with a wink , then went out the front door . " Worse , she has the flu , so we both took some time off work so I can nurse her back to health . Warren is going to head up the investigation on Finch , crimes against persons division is fighting over who heads up the Messner kidnapping . Captain Weber wants to set up a special task force to investigate ; he 'll probably take it on himself , just to get back the porn queen . But Warren has all the info on what they have so far . " " Thanks for that . I 'm having Trapper take the kidnapping case from our end , since it was my employee involved . So he 's going to have to deal with the bureaucracy of who takes what . I 'll call Warren on the Finch case . Tell Lynn to get well , and don 't get sick yourself . " We finished and disconnected . |
Synopsis : A woman walks into Jim Richards office with a story of how her husband died due to his participation in the stage show of a local hypnotist . The man later walked into a casino and shot a few people before he was taken down by security , and the woman blames the hypnotist for his actions . Jim takes the case and goes on a quest to find the truth . Was his death part of a plot by the hypnotist and his shady business associates or acting on his own . What was the motive for sending an innocent man to kill using simple hypnotic suggestions . Will there be more murders by other innocents ? On the side , Jim ? s mafia friend , Angelo appears at his door and announces he is moving to Vegas from New York . Jim puts him to work as a celebrity protection bodyguard and Angelo ? s first assignment is to protect a young female porn actress coming to Vegas for a convention . Angelo takes on the job with his past expertise as a leg breaker for the mob . Unfortunately , the girl is kidnapped and Angelo isn ? t happy . Will he bring in his mob connections to find the kidnappers or take the task himself ? This a 10 Chapter preview , to read the whole story buy the book . Chapter 1 The man in the tuxedo cautiously walked through Casino Royale in search of Le Chiffre . He came to the Baccarat table where he saw Vesper sitting with cards in front of her . The tuxedo man stood for a moment when one of the bodyguards for Le Chiffre turned to him and pulled a weapon . The tuxedo man pulled his Walther PPK and fired on the man , hitting him in the chest three times dead center . Men in security uniforms came rushing up with guns drawn and yelled for the tuxedo man to drop his weapon . He didn 't , and raised the gun to protect himself as the guards all fired on the man , killing him . " Name 's Mike Finch , business cards in his wallet says had a stock brokerage over in Summerlin . They say he strolled in and pulled a twenty - two and started firing . He hit three people , luckily , no one was killed , and then security had to put him down when he refused to stop . They say he looked like he was drugged , but I 'll know better when I get him back to the morgue and dig into him . " " Thanks Joe , another meth head gone bad probably , " Lynn said as she stood , looking down at the man in jeans and blue dress shirt . The next day I was in my office when the woman came in the front entrance ringing the small bell on the door making its tinkling noise . I sat waiting for Lacey , my office manager and receptionist to let me know what I had in store . She came to my private office door and said there was a woman wanting help . I stood and went out to find an attractive blond , about five - six and well built standing at the counter . " Hi there , I 'm Jim Richards , how may I help you . " I was careful how I worded things since she was a looker and I didn 't want my wife to misconstrue my intentions . My beautiful Las Vegas TV talk show host and wife , Penny Wickens - Richards had this telepathy thing about her that could tell if I was unfaithful even in my mind , so I was always cautious about my wording . " Okay , please follow me to my office and we 'll talk . " I winked at Lacey as she sat at her desk and took the widow to my office . I motioned her to the client chair as I sat at my desk . " Okay , I personally know Detective Carter , and she is a fair and dedicated homicide officer , but sometimes things don 't always add up for the police . You may have some important information that may help me to solve your case , information that the police may not look into . Can you tell me more about what happened ? " " Three nights ago my husband , Mike and I took some business clients to the Fitzgerald Hotel to see this hypnotist and the man called my husband to the stage to help . He hypnotized my husband and told him he was James Bond and had him act out a few things that Bond would do , stand like him and tell the audience that he was agent 007 . Yesterday my husband left our home then went to the Rio Hotel and into the casino where he shot three people before the security shot him dead . I don 't blame the guards , I say the hypnotist had him commit the attack that resulted in his death . The police said they 'd look into it , but I think they were just blowing me off . " " I don 't know ; he never spoke to me about his business . If there was any money stolen or transferred because of this , I wouldn 't know . " " Okay , please write down everything I need to know , names and places , times of the incidents , and where I can reach you . " I pushed my pad of paper and a pen to her as I caught a glimpse of her ample breasts in the low cut blouse ; I was going to catch hell for that later . She spent about ten minutes writing and then pushed the pad and pen back to me . " Thank you , this is my rate card , will you be able to pay for my services ? I 'm not trying to be rude , but some people who come here aren 't very well off and still I try to help them . " She looked to the card I handed her with my rates and then took out her wallet from her purse and removed four hundred dollars in large bills and put them on my desk . " Money 's no problem for me , here 's the retainer . Mr . Richards , please take this killer down for me . " " I 'll do my best . " We stood and she went out of my office as I followed her to the lobby , getting a good look at her caboose . Well - rounded , oh hell , I was going to suffer for that too , when I got home . She turned , smiled and said , " It 's a pleasure to meet you , I 've read a good number of articles in the Review - Journal about your exploits . I know I can trust you to catch my husband 's killer . " " I 'll keep you informed , thank you for trusting me with this . " She took my hand and we shook , her hand was very soft and warm , giving me thoughts , another reason I was doomed when I got home . " Well , stop it . I 'm not going there and I 'll be dead if I did . " I went back to my office and sat trying to think of things that were not sexy , like old fat women in spandex and gray hair . That did it . I turned to go to my personal bathroom , it was nice that we each had our own , and I was being followed by our toy Yorkie , Willy . He came into my bathroom with me and I set him on the closed toilet so he could watch as I washed and shaved around my beard . I washed my face and the top of my baldhead and thought about getting some of those hair transplants to fill out my empty space on top . But it would ruin my charming looks , sort of a favorite grandfather type , who everyone trusts and loves . I finished and picked up Willy and we went back out to the dining area where Penny had set out a great spread complete with the good silverware . I sat at my spot as Penny put the hot dishes on the table and then sat . I was in trouble . I 'm not very good at telling Penny tall tales and so I just fessed up , " I had a very attractive woman in today looking for me to catch her husband 's killer . Yes , I did look but that was all . " We finished and I helped clean the table as Penny put the dishes in the dishwasher and we retired to the living room with our beer and chips . We were watching the big screen TV when the driveway alarm went off . I went to the small TV monitor , scanned the area , and saw nothing but a dark colored sedan . The person who had driven it must have gotten out quickly and came to the door . The bell rang and I had my hand on my Glock as I went to the door , opening it , and stared at the visitor . It was our favorite mob wiseguy , Angelo . He thanked me and entered , nearly filling the doorframe . He was a huge man , mostly muscle , not really tall , about my height , five - ten and he had to be in his fifties now . He had the face of an Italian mob figure , more Sicilian but a chiseled sort of image . We first met Angelo in Vegas when Penny and I came out here from Michigan to get married and he was told to be our bodyguard by his mother Francis , a mafia grand lady who was also out here getting married to don Gino Traviano . I was part of the rescue of Francis from the clutches of the Bridezilla killer and the New York family sort of adopted Penny and me . " Angelo , please sit , " I said as I directed him to our most comfortable chair . Willy came running over and was bouncing around his feet . He remembered the big guy from past encounters . Angelo grinned and picked up the pup and held him on his lap . " So why are you here , is everything all right back in New York ? " I asked . " Oh sure , Mr . R . everything is hunky - dory . I just felt like I needed a change , and told my sainted mother that I had to try something new . She agreed and said I was a big boy now and should get out and explore life . I felt really good the last time we were out here bringing that hitman to you . " I noticed his way of talking like a wiseguy was slipping back . I thought he was doing well and must have been taking lessons to talk without sounding like Joe Pesci in the movie ' Casino ' . In fact , Angelo reminded me a lot of Joe Pesci . " Well , that 's real nice . Thank you , just till I can get started out here . Do you know of any places hiring that could use my expertise ? " he said with a grin . I didn 't know any mob families out here , but I think he wanted to be away from the life . " What kind of work are you thinking of getting into ? " I asked . " Okay I 'll talk to my partner , Buck and he can get you started . He 's in charge of security for hire . So are you in the hotel now , can you move your stuff here today ? " " Whatever you say Mr . R . , I can do it . I only have a coupla of bags ; I flew out on the family jet . They dropped me off and went back . " " Okay , " I looked to Penny and she nodded , " We should go get you moved here then . " Penny was already up and getting her purse and Willy 's travel bag , but Angelo was holding on to the dog , so she just carried the bag . We all went out to the nice black Ford sedan he purchased and Angelo drove us all over to the Tropicana . On the way he was telling us about his mother and that she was getting more into Pilates and Tai Chi . I had to chuckle thinking about an aging mob queen doing Pilates . We arrived at the hotel and went to his room , then to the front desk to cancel his stay . We took his bags and went back home and Angelo was delighted with the small house . It had only one large room with a separate bath and a kitchenette . " This is perfect , " Angelo beamed . " I 'll be real careful with it , no parties , or busting up the place . " I laughed , " I hardly think you 'd do those things . Put your stuff away then come back to the house and we 'll celebrate your new home . " We left him to unpack and went back to the main house . We sat until Angelo came to the door and knocked . I let him in and handed him two keys , one for the guesthouse and one for our house , just in case . He thanked me and we sat the evening talking and relaxing . Around eleven we said good night and he went back to his room . Penny and I retired to the bedroom . Early the next morning I heard slight noises from out in the house and quickly pulled on pants and a shirt , grabbing my Glock from the bed stand , I quietly went out . I could hear tinny noises from the kitchen area , snuck around the doorway and looked in . Angelo was in the kitchen and it looked like he was making breakfast . I just stood there for a minute or two and then he turned to head towards the door I was standing in . He looked surprised and said , " Hey Mr . R . I was just going to call youse guys to breakfast . I made pancakes and I know Mrs . R . likes oatmeal . You should go get Mrs . R . and let her know so her food doesn 't get cold . " Penny went off taking Willy with her and I got into my Crown Vic , only because I needed to start my investigation today . I told Angelo to follow in his car so he 'd have it to get around . We arrived at the office and came through the back way and down the hall . I was whistling so I wouldn 't scare Lacey and I heard her yell , " I hear you " . We came out of the hallway and her eyes went big as she saw Angelo . " Angelo , how are you ? " " He 's moved to Las Vegas , and I 'm going to put him to work . Do we have any bodyguard service coming up ? " I said . " Okay , I 'll have to get you bonded and licensed to carry under our business permit . ' I said to Angelo . " Do you still carry that big . 357 ? " " Well , we have to do it by the law here now , just to cover our asses . I 'll ask Lynn if we can get you pushed through so you can start work . " I turned to Lacey , " When 's this actress coming ? " " Sure , he was lucky enough to be killed himself . Why would an investment broker walk into the casino and start shooting people ? What did Joe Lang say about the body , any drugs ? " " As a matter of fact I do . You know I was once a performing magician and I had a number of friends in the business who did stage hypnotism . I was given the low down on the whole system . A person can 't be made to do something they are morally against , say murder , but … here it comes … they can be given a post hypnotic suggestion if worded carefully making the person believe he is in a situation that he thinks is make believe or part of an act . So if Finch was made to believe he was James Bond and told to go through the casino in search of the evil people , he might have done the deed . " " Okay , so we 'll look into this from another angle . But you are going to lead this investigation ; you may as well earn your big retainer . " She smiled and walked to the precinct . Captain Weber 's eyes lit up and said , " Tandy Messner ? ' Lust in the Dust ' and ' Wicked Little Women ' ? Wow , Jim , can I meet her ? " " They don 't do that , only on TV and it 's a joke . The Amazing Kreskin was the best TV hypnotist and performer . He claimed he was real , and no one ever disputed his claims . He was good . " " This is not TV , this was a real death , and we don 't know his motive . Okay , you claim he was hypnotized , if he was , what was the motive ? " About an hour later , after Lynn and I went to the breakroom for lukewarm drinks out of the machines , Deacon and Angelo came back . Angelo was beaming , he said he was all licensed up . Deacon said , " Angelo aced his shooting test . Great firing pattern , all death shots . I 'm glad he 's on our side now . " We left and drove back to the office and in . Trapper was in his office and was surprised to see Angelo . " Hey , how are you doing ? " Trapper gave me a look , I said , " He 's moved here and I have him on protection detail . His first job is guarding the body of Tandy Messner tomorrow . " I waited for it . He grinned and went back to his paperwork as I took Angelo to Buck 's office . Buck was happy to see Angelo and they swapped hugs . Buck had gone out to New York with me and Earl Daws to find a missing stripper . We found her and Angelo and his family were thankful since Francis ' nephew married her . Angelo put the jacket on and it fit well , even hiding his . 357 under his shoulder . " Looks good , " I said . I noticed the embroidery on the pocket , saying ' Richards Investigations and Security ' in small but readable lettering . We all sat for a while talking and then I said to call it a day . We had to be refreshed for tomorrow , and I had to get ready to go watch a hypnotist tonight . I asked Buck if he wanted to come , he said he 'd love to , and Maria wasn 't working tonight so he 'd bring her . I said I 'd call about the times and would see him later . Angelo and I drove our cars back to the house and parked . I had Angelo park behind the garage door leading to the mini - limo since I didn 't take it out much . We went in and found Penny watching TV with Willy . She jumped up when we came in and came to me with a big hug and a kiss . " He is , I 'm not . Now take that look and put it away . It 's a job and Angelo is going to handle it . Tonight we are going to Fitzgerald 's Hotel to see a hypnotist . How 's that sound ? " We sat watching a couple shows that came on and I filled in Penny on my new case . She liked the premise of the hypnotist making the man do a crime . I said it wasn 't good for the victims , she agreed . Around six I called our friends to see who all was going , everyone agreed and so I called for ticket reservations and we got ready . I invited Angelo and he was delighted to go with us . We were ready and I told everyone to meet us in the lobby of the Fitzgerald Hotel outside the showroom . We left the house , putting Willy in the kitchen ; he wasn 't happy , and then and drove to the hotel . We arrived at Fitzgerald 's and in to find we were last , but I had the tickets in my name so no one could get in until I arrived . Trapper and his lady friend Sam were there , along with Buck and Maria ; Lynn and Deacon , all of us . We went into the showroom and sat . After a while the room went dark and the show began . Finally , the hypnotist came out to applause and I sat stunned . I was squeezing Penny 's hand and she whacked me , saying , " That hurts . What 's the matter ? " " He started out as a magician and he wasn 't very good at that . So he hooked up with a woman who was a hypno - therapist and she taught him about the art of making people fall asleep . But his stage presence makes audiences fall asleep without the hypnosis . " For the next hour and a half , Jason Biggs worked the crowd , he wasn 't too bad , but not as good as some of the other hypnotists on the strip . He wasn 't as original or entertaining . He did the standard bits of stage hypnotism , making people do silly things , I think he had a couple confederates in the audience . A confederate is a person who works for the performer and comes up to do staged acts of hypnotism . Faking it . The show ended and all the audience was appreciative of his performance , but I 'm sure most of them had nothing to compare him to or they 'd have walked out about an hour and ten minutes ago . Like I wanted to do . I stayed for my friends who seemed to like him . " Well , I thought he wasn 't bad , " Penny said as we stood to depart . " Not as good as a couple hypnotists I 've seen before but passable . " Angelo was totally enthused by him , " Wow Mr . R . he was really good , I wonder if that stuff is real , could I be hypnotized ? " I didn 't want to tell Angelo that he would make a lousy subject , he was too distracted by his surroundings and wouldn 't be able to focus on the whole process of hypnotizing a person . " Angelo , some people are too smart to be hypnotized , you are one of them , " I told him , he was happy . Such a simple man he was , and yet he was once a strong arm for the mob . Amazing . We went to the lobby and Jason was at a table autographing glossies . They were nice , but looked like he took them of himself with a cheap camera . I stood by the table watching him smile and sign for people , he glanced over my way once and then back to his writing . He paused and then looked back to me . I could see the recognition forming in his brain and he grinned . I took Penny back to our friends standing by the lobby waiting . " He 's going to talk to me in a bit , we go way back and I didn 't care much for him back then . I have a feeling that isn 't going to change . If you guys want to take off or go explore Fremont Street , we can catch up later . " Trapper and Buck talked to their ' dates ' and decided to go check out Fremont . Angelo wanted to stay to meet Jason , so we waited for him to finish . Not many people wanted his autograph especially since he was charging twenty dollars for the photo and signature . " Such a pleasure to meet you Mrs . Wickens . " She started to explain her name but I held up my hand and mouthed not to worry about it . " I have seen your show a number of times , you are really a great host . " I changed the subject quickly and introduced Lynn and Deacon . " Jason these are our good friends , Lynn Carter and Deacon DeAngelo and this man is our friend Angelo DeMario , he 's our celebrity protection specialist . " Angelo smiled and held out his hand . Jason took it and winced under the pressure of Angelo 's grip . I continued , " Lynn and Deacon are in homicide with the Las Vegas Metro police . We came to see you for a reason . About four nights ago you had a man on stage and convinced him he was James Bond , do you remember that ? " " Thanks for that , good to see you again . Take care and I 'll tell my friends about you . " Yeah , like that will happen . We left him standing and went out . I called Buck and told him we were going back to the house and he said that he and Trapper were taking the women and going out dancing . I said to have fun and hung up . I didn 't want to mention to Penny that they were going partying or she would have us up till all hours . The next morning was Saturday and Penny wanted to sleep in . I let her , then I heard Angelo in the kitchen again . As soon as the smell of sausage and potatoes wafted down the hall , Penny shot out of the bedroom grabbing her robe and was in the kitchen drooling . I followed in her wake and sat at the snack bar waiting . " It 's good for me Mrs . R . I may consider opening up a restaurant like my grandmother had . All good Italian foods . " He smiled as he dished out more sausages and then my morning toast , perfectly buttered . We all loaded into the car and drove out to McCarran Airport and parked in short - term parking . Tandy was to have a car waiting for her so Angelo would be going with her . Lucky bastard . We found the chauffer for the car agency with his sign and stood by him . I noticed there were a number of photographers standing around us also . I looked back and said , " Oh look Tandy is behind us by the baggage carousel . " Every one of them scrambled to rush over as I stood laughing . The plane had pulled up to the ramp , hooked up and they opened the doors . By now the paparazzi had returned and were snarling at me . I just ignored them and Angelo threatened them , so they all backed off . I could see her coming out of the departing door and the phototogs all swarmed over to get their shots . I was surprised as Angelo muscled in between them and came up to Tandy putting his arm around her shoulders and said something in her ear . She smiled and cuddled in closer to the big man . She almost disappeared under his cover as he moved forward into the cameramen . He made a growl like I never heard and yelled to move . It was like watching Moses part the Red Sea . They all opened for the huge man and he escorted Tandy to her chauffer . The chauffeur led Angelo and his charge to the limo parked out front . Penny and I followed as fast as we could but they were in the car and whisked away before I got a chance to say welcome . Penny grinned as I turned to her and she said , " Gee , that 's too bad , you missed your opportunity to meet a porn star . " We drove to the office and went in the back door . I was startled by a cowbell ringing when I opened the door . I looked up and saw it was duct taped up on the back of the door and then I thought of Lacey . She came down the hallway and was laughing , " Surprise ! You took too long putting up an early warning system on the door , so I took matters into my own . It works . " Lacey went back to her desk and Penny went over to plop down on the couch in the waiting area . Willy jumped up on her , with help . Lacey had picked him up this morning before we went to the airport . " I need to talk to you about working on Saturdays . Do we really need to do this ? " Lacey asked . " If Trapper and Buck can sleep in on Saturday mornings , I should have that respect too . " " We 've had no business on Saturdays other than one woman looking to catch her husband with his mistress . Trapper got that case taken and done . Otherwise it 's a useless day . " " She 's doing great , in school and out . She has a good number of friends and we have P . J . parties for them . Mac likes to tell them ghost stories late at night to scare the bejesus out of them . He can be mean sometimes , but he is a good man . " " What do you say we close up the office and go to Sonics for burgers and onion rings ? " Willy 's head came up fast and then he stood . Penny laughed , " Do you think he can understand us ? " We closed up the office and went to Sonics to eat in the car . I liked to watch the carhop girls roller skate out to the cars carrying trays of food , they were good , not one spill while we were there . I was enjoying my food and wondering how Angelo and Tandy were doing . He was a bit overwhelmed by it all . He may have once been in a rough trade for the mob , but he hadn 't been real worldly . His family was involved mostly in illegal gambling and numbers , don Gino Traviano was not a friend of prostitution or drugs . He felt men could easily lose their money rather than their virginity or mind . Angelo mostly oversaw the men who would remind the slackers who didn 't pay back their bad bets to do so or face consequences . A leg breaker as they were called . Now he was in a limo with a porn star going to a convention of porn film actors and actresses , he was in heaven . The limo pulled up to the entrance of the convention center and there were a good number of people outside waiting . Angelo told the driver to hang in with the luggage and escorted Tandy through the crowd outside . They went in and to the registration booth and got Tandy all signed in . Tandy was staying close up to Angelo all the time they were in the lobby and then they went out to find the booth for the video movie company Tandy acted for . Tandy went to the director 's chair behind the table so she could sign photos of herself , as Angelo sat in a chair behind her to watch the crowd . Ben was setting the booth up with boxes of videos to sell and pulling literature out to hand to people . He had three gorgeous women in bikini 's staffing the booth to hand out the pamphlets and push the video sales . Penny and I had finished our meal , drove over to O ' Sheas Casino and went up to the theatre lobby . The theatre wasn 't open yet but they had a magic museum that people could visit in a side room . There was a row of counters and display cases with magic tricks for sale , and a tall gaunt man was behind the counters . He greeted us in the almost empty room . " David Carlos , good to meet you . What can I do for you ? " " I 'm here to find out about this Franz Liefer , what kind of a man is he ? " The question took the man by surprise . " He 's a hypnotist and he 's good . I 've watched his show everytime he 's performed here . He 'll be here tonight , I can get you tickets . " " That would be great , can you get four , two for my friends . " " I can do that . I 'll have the tickets in your name . " He looked to Penny and his eyes went large . " Excuse me , but aren 't you Penny Wickens ? Of course you are , you did your TV show from the magic convention and you had said you were married to Jim . Nice to meet you . " " Well , the guy is strange ; he seems to have secrets more than magic or hypnotism . Frankly , he scares me , his mysterious ways and he looks evil , but I guess that 's his trademark . I hear he seduces women with his hypnotic ways and turns men into blubbering fools . Again , it 's his act , on stage and off . I wish I had his personality , I wouldn 't be here selling these tricks to tourists . " " Well , there have been some very strange people coming and going before and after his shows to visit him , people who I would think were not nice people , you know the gangster type . Bad men . Crooks even . " " You know that 's a trade secret , but I think it 's all a put on . Plus I think he hypnotizes people before his show and gives them a post hypnotic suggestion to fall asleep on stage . I heard , but can 't prove , that Kreskin used to do that . The magic in any show is presentation , no matter how you arrive at the end . Magicians , as you know , have to white - lie and cheat to make it look like they are sorcerers . Hypnotists have to work on a person beforehand to get them to do the stupid things they do on stage before an audience . They can 't hypnotize everyone in a few seconds . " I thought about that , I would have to ask the widow Finch if her husband had any contact before the show with Leifer . David continued , " Leifer even looks like he 's evil , pointy sideburns down to the middle of his cheeks and a pencil thin mustache and goatee beard . He looks like the devil , if the devil were a man . He even has his hair styled so he looks like that Wolverine guy in the X - Men movies . I like watching him perform , but he 's not funny like most hypnotists , although he has a style . You have to see him to understand . " I led Penny back downstairs and out to the sidewalk of Las Vegas Boulevard . " We have a few hours to kill , for now . Let 's take a stroll on the strip . " She agreed and we walked up past the Venetian Hotel then crossed over and back down to the Bellagio to watch the water ballet . We took the crossover bridge and then back up to O ' Sheas . We found our car and drove over to Metro PD , I wasn 't sure if Lynn and Deacon would be in , but it was a nice day for a drive . We went into the squad room and everyone went crazy for Penny , I just stood back and watched the people drool over my little celebrity . It 's funny , there are celebrities and then there are the big celebrities , like Penny . She was a star of her own Vegas talk show , formerly a nationally known talk show host , and had all the lesser celebrities pawing to get on her local show . She could make or break a person wanting to be a big celebrity with a little exposure on her show . " She 'd home in bed , I pulled duty this morning and she didn 't . I 'm trying to sort out this Finch shooting , why did he do it ? Joe Lang says he had absolutely no drugs in his system . Did he have a grudge against someone in the casino ? Was he going after someone who was threatening him and he snapped ? Why shoot up a casino floor and get killed ? " " That 's four questions , two more and you get a prize . I 've told you , he was hypnotized into doing it , for why I don 't know . Penny and I are going tonight to see the guy who did hypnotize him and maybe talk to him . We have tickets for tonight 's show at O ' Shea 's and two extra if you and Lynn want to go . " " That 's an extra question , I 'm keeping track now . Yes , I think it could be a viable reason for the shooting . Something you may have to look into with open eyes . So call me if you two can make it . " Penny spoke , " The magic man at O ' Shea 's said he thought Leifer was up to no good , I hope that this Leifer guy isn 't working on some kind of plot to destroy Las Vegas . I 'm getting tired of terrorist wanting to destroy our city . And you having to save the day . You don 't even get paid to save Vegas , not even given the key to the city . I 'm going to have to call the mayor and complain . Or I 'll invite him to my show and put him in the hot seat . I 'll get you a key . " Ben was throwing questions out to Angelo about his life with the families of the mob . Angelo was delighted to spin the stories even if he embellished just a bit . Tandy was having a great time being in the spotlight and giving autographs to her fans . Angelo was watching one man standing just off the side and he was watching Tandy a bit too hard . Okay , Tandy was a porn actress and would bare all herself on screen , but not in real life . At least Angelo didn 't think so and this man was thinking a bit too hard on Tandy . Ben was still firing questions at Angelo when the big man suddenly sprang from his chair and ran to the man now holding a hunting knife as he moved towards Tandy . Angelo 's fist met with the man 's face and he went sprawling out in the aisle way , as Angelo went to step on the man 's wrist holding the knife . He bent down , took the knife away and pulled the man up with one hand , holding him like a rag doll . " You can get a good rest tonight , Miss Tandy , I 'll be watching you all night . " He suddenly went red - faced and said , " I didn 't mean I would be watching you , I meant I would watch you , oh , not in that way I 'll watch you … Okay , I 'll be protecting you tonight . " They went out of the convention center and found the limo that was going to take them to the Venetian Hotel . The driver was asleep in the driver 's seat and Angelo knocked on the glass awaking him . He jumped and unlocked the car , as Angelo opened the door for Tandy . They got into the car and were seated in the comfortable seats as Tandy grabbed a bottle of scotch from the limo bar , pulling the cap and took a good swig from the bottle . She wiped her mouth on her sleeve and handed the bottle to Angelo . The car drove out from the convention center and Angelo was watching the roads and was wondering why the car wasn 't going towards the hotel . The limo drove up Paradise and then into a parking lot for a row of warehouses , then an overhead door on one building opened and the car went inside . Angelo had his . 357 out but the doors were pulled open before Angelo could get a grip on what was happening . Four men in gas masks sprayed the car interior with hoses attached to canisters , and that was the last thing Angelo remembered before he passed out . " Oh , thank you , I 'm glad I have your support . My cell phone rang and it was Deacon . I answered , " Hey , are you guys going tonight ? " " No problem , glad you called so I can get hold of someone else . Tell Lynn to take it easy and see you guys later . " We disconnected and I dialed Lacey , she came on after two rings and said , " I 'm not working tomorrow , it 's Sunday . " " Oh , well , that 's nice , but we have plans . About a dozen teenage girls are coming to spend the night . Jesse is having a midnight vampire party with the latest video of the ' Twilight ' movies , and Mac is dressing up like Dracula . " I had to laugh , it was like the days back when we first met . I 'd call for info at his police precinct and he would protest , but then he would get the info for me . " How would you and Sam like to go see a hypnotist ? " " Hold on . " He covered the phone and I barely heard him talking to Sam . He came back on and said , " Sure we 'll go , are the tickets free ? " " Okay , you are mostly right , but yes you have been known to be wrong . Most times it isn 't as it appears . . . . and if it appears the way it isn 't , then apparently you never knew what it was . " She turned and kissed my nose , I was now totally confused . We drove out to his apartment on the east side around Maryland and Harmon , about two blocks down from where I lived years ago . We pulled into the parking lot and I called Will to say we were waiting . They came out and got into Penny 's Ford Escape . I liked the small SUV , but I liked my twenty - two year old Crown Vic better , but we decided on taking Penny 's vehicle . " Nope , Joe Lang didn 't find any drugs in his preliminary tox . His widow says this hypnotist we are going to see was responsible for the shootings and his death . I 'm in need to find out if the victim was hypnotized into walking into the casino and shooting a few people . " " I remember a case like that back in Michigan , where a woman was hypnotized into believing she was Supergirl and later tried to fly off the roof of Cobo Hall where the show was being presented . The hypnotist was charged with aiding to her death , but got off . His defense made it look like the woman was unstable to begin with . " " Well , it 's a touchy subject . Can a person be hypnotized into doing something they morally wouldn 't do ? But the hypnotist can set up a scenario in a person 's mind that they are living out a fantasy that is being lived in real life . Therefore , our dead victim may have thought he was James Bond , after a criminal and shot up the casino , in his quest for that criminal . He believed it was real in his mind . " We had our meal at Hot - N - Now and then went to the parking structure at O ' Sheas . We went up to the showroom and I took everyone to the magic shop display . David was there . I turned to see the line forming for the box office . I told Trapper to wait with the women while I went to get the tickets . He agreed and I went to stand in line . Twenty minutes later , I came back and handed them their tickets . We went into the theatre and were seated . The building was nice and old looking . The seating formed a semi - circle around the stage and the place was done in lots of reds and velvets . " Good , I call every day to talk and she is doing great . Just has to heal now , it 's a difficult procedure to endure . They take the penis and open it , then remove the cartilage , then turn the skin back into … am I being too descriptive ? " " Good evening ladies and gentlemen , tonight I will explore the mind and the soul . I will have my way with a few brave souls who will come up to demonstrate the power of the psyche . I will explore the inner mind and create worlds that my volunteers will believe they are experiencing . " I thought on that comment , could he create worlds that exist in someone 's mind making them believe they are doing something they aren 't . Like shooting up a room full of people . " I will require the help of a few willing volunteers to come up and participate in my experiments into the human mind . " I thought he was heavy handed in his presentation , but the audience around me were giving him their full attention . His voice was smooth and I felt he could lull a person into a hypnotic state . I had read numerous articles about hypnosis , there were so many different opinions on the art of hypno - therapy and stage hypnotism , it was a mess of information about the subject . As a magician for many years , I really knew very little about the subject , just what my performer friends told me , and they were all just that , performers , not licensed hypno - therapists . So I would have to take this guy with a grain of salt . " I need about three volunteers to come up and help with my journey into the psyche . " He moved out to the foot of the stage and pointed to three people in the front row , they reluctantly came to the stage . For the next hour and a half he did some amazing things . I wondered if he was really doing the feats he performed or the volunteers where stooges he placed in the audience . We 'd see later . I watched the show with a magician 's eye for anything out of the norm , he did well . I would have to check on his background and see if he had any formal training in hypnosis . He had the audience in the palm of his hand and played them well . He wasn 't a funny kind of performer as David said , but he had an aura of mystery about him . It played well . " Well , he 's not exactly in custody , we found him passed out in an alley and he had a . 357 magnum in a holster under his arm . We brought him in and his wallet showed he had a permit for the weapon and we called Detective DeAngelo since the permit was signed by him . Deacon told us to call you , so that 's what I 'm doing . " The officer was silent for a moment , " Tandy Messner ? There was no woman with him . Do you mean Tandy Messner , the porn star ? Was she supposed to be with him ? " " I don 't think so , " I hope not , " Just tell him I 'm coming in . Thanks . " I hung up and turned to Trapper . " Got a big problem , Angelo was found in an alley , unconscious and Tandy Messner wasn 't with him . I 'm going in to Metro to find out what happened . Can you check out the hypnotist for me ? " " Sure , we were waiting for you before we tried it . Think it will be safe to awake him ? We ran a check on his background and seems he 's part of the Traviano mob family in New York . " " Exactly right . Penny , stay out here . I 'll take the chance he 'll be alright . " I went in and stood back from him , then broke the capsule holding it out arms length to his nose . I watched for any sign of life , then saw a flutter from his eyelids . He started to stir and I went back out of the cell quickly . Angelo stirred more and then jumped up shakily . He looked around and his eyes went big , he cleared his throat but it sounded more like a lion 's roar . Then he saw me standing by the cell door . He came charging over and stopped short of me , looking in a panic now . His legs seemed to go rubbery and he went back to the cot in the cell and sat . He shook his head , " Damn it , someone 's got her ! We were gassed in the back of the limo , that 's all I remember . " Detricks went out of the cell saying he 'd get a detective . Angelo looked up to me and said , " I screwed up Mr . R . , I let her get taken . Damn it ! " " Angelo , there was not much you could do ; this was well planned by the sound of it . You did all you could . Now let 's get over there and find her . " I helped him to stand , he was still shaky but he rose up and took a big breath , then said , " We 'll get her back , or I 'll make sure someone suffers for it . " Warren agreed and we went out to the cars . Penny sat in the back with Angelo up front , as I drove over to the convention center and then we sat as the two patrol cars pulled in alongside of us . I rolled my window down and called to Warren that we were going to recreate the drive , so follow close . I drove out going the directions Angelo was giving me . We went up Paradise Road for a bit when Angelo became excited , " That 's the place ! Over there ! " I saw the row of buildings and pulled in followed by the cop cars . He pointed out the overhead door where they drove the limo into . We got out and went to a smaller service door , followed by the police and Warren . The door was locked and Warren said it would take a while to get a warrant this late . Angelo looked to him and said , " You police have to do it by da book . I ain 't a cop . " He charged the door , which gave way to his mass and busted open . " There , now ya got probable cause . " He grinned and turned to go in , we followed . The building was empty , but the limo was still sitting in the middle of the room . Warren and I checked inside and found nothing . Even Tandy 's baggage was missing . Angelo was storming around the building looking in rooms , calling Tandy 's name . I knew it wouldn 't do any good , but it was what Angelo wanted to do , so I didn 't say anything . Warren told one of the officers to go check the building to see . He went out and we waited . He came back a few minutes later and said there were two cameras on the building pointing to this section of the warehouses . Warren said to call back to the precinct and get the building owner on the phone and find out where the camera feed was going to . The officer left again to go make his call . Warren phoned for CSI to come in to check the car . Maybe they 'd get some prints . " You can 't make someone do something that is against their moral nature , you can 't tell someone under hypnosis to shoot someone , but you could tell that man that he is shooting at a target . It could be done , by someone capable of such expert hypnotism . I 'm capable of doing this , but would never . " About twenty minutes later the owner of the warehouse units came in and opened the office to take us to the room where the camera surveillance recording equipment was . He ran the tapes back to when the limo drove into the unit and played it from there . We watched and about ten minutes later , a dark blue panel van pulled out through the bay door after they opened it . The Van drove off , and then a Chevy SUV drove out . There was one man who closed the overhead door and then he went off to a car parked next to the building . The back of the car was exposed to the camera . Warren leaned close but couldn 't read it , " I 'll have someone from CSI take it in for enhancement . Sir , we need this tape . " The building owner pulled the tape and handed it to Warren ; he went out with it . He looked sad , yet I could see the anger seething in him . I hoped we found her , I didn 't know the capabilities of this man , what would he do . " Let 's get out of here and go see what CSI has found . " " Angelo , don 't take this personally , Jim has had his own problems with finding the bad guys but he knows that things can turn out good , if you go into it with an open mind and think clearly . Don 't let your anger take control ; we need to get her back , so let 's take care of it . " She hugged the big man and he held her briefly with a tenderness that she hadn 't expected . " Yep , she was in town for the Adult Film Expo and Awards . Angelo was assigned to protect her , but he was overtaken by these people . I want her back and someone to pay for it . " " I don 't know , Lynn is ill and Deacon hasn 't called yet . But they 're homicide and I hope it doesn 't come down to murder . Thanks . " " Good , we 'll go there and start . " I told Warren that we were leaving and to call me if they find something . We went back to the car and drove over to the Venetian . We went to the front desk and I asked for Ben Silver 's room . They wouldn 't give out his room number but said I could use a house phone and they would connect me to his room . I picked up the phone as the girl behind the counter did a few punches on her keyboard and I heard the ringing of the phone . It rang for a good ten times before I gave up . Angelo smiled and said to hold on , walked off the side of the lobby and then he pulled his cell phone . I could see he was talking to someone , I hoped he wasn 't calling his leg breakers in . He came back and said , " We wait a couple minutes and then we can go see Ben . " About ten minutes of standing in the lobby talking about Angelo 's day at the convention center , Angelo 's phone rang and he answered . He grinned and hung up . " We got ta go da the fifth floor . " He turned and went towards the elevators , we followed , it was his show now . We got off on the fifth floor and there was a room maid standing down the hall . Angelo went towards her , with us in tow . She pointed to a door and pulled her master door card inserting it into the door lock ; it opened . Angelo thanked her and she went off , as Angelo went into the room . " We aren 't the police my dear . This is now called breaking and entering , although the maid did let us in . So we aren 't breaking , just entering . Half a crime . " I grinned at her and went into the room . It was a mess , I couldn 't say if it was searched by someone or Ben was just a messy person . I came forward and gently pulled Angelo back and stepped up to the man . " I 'm Jim Richards and I 'm the owner of the firm for investigating and security , Angelo 's employer . It seems that Tandy was kidnapped by unknown people and we are trying to find her . " " You really don 't want to know , I understand from Angelo that you have a fascination for the mob ? Some questions are best left unanswered . " He nodded as if he understood . " Sorry to intrude on you but we needed to know if you knew about this . Have you heard anything from the kidnappers , since you were her employer ? " " I didn 't mean it like that ; I meant she was so popular that I was making money from her videos . I care for Tandy and if she 's missing I 'll do anything to get her back . I 'll hire you to find her . " " Mr . Richards , the porn industry is a billion dollar business , okay , I don 't make billions , but Tandy 's potential is huge . She 's only been in the business for a year and a half and look at her popularity . She 's going places , and not just in the porn industry . There have been feelers from legit film companies for her to star in a major film . Good people want her , she 's a natural actress . " I looked to Penny and said , " Well , this is something to think about . " I turned back to Ben and said , " I certainly hope this is not a publicity stunt , to get more attention for your star . We 'll find her , count on it . " We were feeling the effects of the long day , I could see Angelo was fading , maybe from the gassing he took earlier . I drove back to the house ; everyone was silent thinking our own thoughts . We got back to our home and I stopped the car , letting Penny and Angelo out before putting the car in the garage . Angelo went off to the guesthouse and Penny went in the front door , I met her as I came out the garage door to the kitchen . She was feeding Willy . " So where do we go now ? " Penny asked . " Nowhere I can say , I 'll call Warren and see what he has , but Warren is in homicide so the kidnapping may be handed over to someone else . We 'll see . I need to call Trapper and see what he came up with on the hypnotist . I have to get back on that case before the trail gets cold , " I said . " I didn 't think about that , I 'll have to set down some ground rules for him . I can 't expect to be careful all the time . " She turned and went off to change ; I went to my den and sat at my desk . I pulled my cell phone and dialed Trapper . He came on after two rings . " No , we got nothing from the abduction scene so far , forensics is working on some prints and a license plate number . I have to call Warren to see what he has . What did you get from the hypnotist ? " " Not much , but my gut instinct is he may know more than he 's telling . How do you plan to handle the two cases ? Want me to take one ? " Trapper offered , relieving me from having to ask . I told him everything I knew about the evening at the warehouse , including Ben 's statements from his hotel room . I told him to get with Warren and find out who may have the case now . He said he would and we finished the call . I sat back in my chair and thought about what I would do next . I had to get hold of Joe Lang and see what the autopsy revealed on Finch , then get hold of Lynn and Deacon to see what they had from forensics on the incident at the casino . This was going to be a busy couple of days I figured . I watched Penny swimming around from out of my den window , then went through the door to the pool . It was nice having a door from my den going out to the backyard , saved time from having to walk back through the house . I came up to the pool , sat on one of the plastic chairs and just watched her until I started to drift off to sleep . " Well , you have a visitor in your office . " She smiled and walked up the hallway to the front . I went to my office and found a woman sitting in my client chair . It was the well - built Mrs . Finch . I didn 't need this to start my day . " I didn 't figure you would , but I came by to say that my husband 's associate in his business called me last night to express his condolences and offer to help with anything I needed . It was nice of him but I never liked the man . My husband went to college with him and they started the firm together two years ago . Mike and his friend , Dan Clark , built up the business from nothing to handling a good number of wealthy clients . My husband did most the stock buying and selling and Dan took care of the finances for the business . I 'm having some thoughts that Dan may have been doing more than handling the finances . He said that he 'd take care of the business , and I didn 't have to bother with any details . He said he would buy out my husband 's interest in the business , and see that I was paid well for it . I think he wanted me to keep out of it by the way he talked . " I thought on that , could the partner be in on the plot to have Finch killed ? Maybe he wanted Finch out of the picture . " You suspect anything about this man being in on your husband 's death ? " " Anything at this point is possible . Just the fact that my husband walked into the casino and started shooting people is incomprehensible . My husband would have no reason to do so without being coerced into it . No reason at all . I just wanted to let you know of my call from him , may help you . " " He does , at least I think he does . My husband used to go in at eight a . m . and not come home till after six . I hope he was in his office all day . I never followed him to find out . That 's what private investigators are for , " she said with a smile that would light the Luxor spotlight . I had to stop that , Penny was probably picking up on my thoughts as I had them . Uh , oh . " Sure you may call me anything you like , I mean that would be fine . " I stood quickly hoping to get her out of my office . She stood slowly and deliberately , smoothing out the tight red dress she barely had on . I glanced over to Penny 's bikini picture and then led Mrs . Finch out . In the lobby she took my hand again and held it a bit too long . I was wondering if this woman was so devoted to her husband , why did I get a feeling that she was coming on to me . " Thank you again , Jim , " she said with a wink , then went out the front door . " Worse , she has the flu , so we both took some time off work so I can nurse her back to health . Warren is going to head up the investigation on Finch , crimes against persons division is fighting over who heads up the Messner kidnapping . Captain Weber wants to set up a special task force to investigate ; he 'll probably take it on himself , just to get back the porn queen . But Warren has all the info on what they have so far . " " Thanks for that . I 'm having Trapper take the kidnapping case from our end , since it was my employee involved . So he 's going to have to deal with the bureaucracy of who takes what . I 'll call Warren on the Finch case . Tell Lynn to get well , and don 't get sick yourself . " We finished and disconnected . |
So today being the first official day of Winter , I should not have been suprised to see several inches of snow on the ground when I woke up this morning . I love the look of snow much it can be a nightmare . Anyway I was unsure of what Oscar 's response would be . So , this afternoon Tyson shot the gate and we let him out . I don 't think that I have ever seen anyone enjoy the snow more . He just ran all over , jumped in the deepest drifts and kept eating the snow . He just played in it for ever , running trough it and flicking it in his face . Tyson and I of course were freezing so we just wanted to go back inside . Oscar just kept playing thoughand didn 't seem to mind the cold and the wind at all . I 'm glad that he likes the snow because it looks like we are expecting a lot of it over the next week and beyond . Good for Idaho , bad for driving . I can 't believe that I forgot this little piece of news . Earlier this month the adoption was finalized for my little sister Krystal . She is now Krystal Mary Kesler and ours forever ! The adoption on the other five kids should finish up early next Spring . But anyway , now that she is ours I can post a picture and show you all just how beautiful this little girl is . She doesn 't smile for the camera well so this is one of the best that I could find . She loves to play with Oscar though and can keep our puppy in line . I keep meaning to get online and update our blog but I never feel like I have that much to say . Anyway , life continues to go on . About two weeks ago we went and picked out our Christmas Tree , which is always something that I love to do . We have this nice big window in our living room that faces the street so I figured that was the perfect place for it . However , our piano was living there . Tyson threatened my life if I tried to move the piano by myself , but I was bored and waiting for him to gt home from work so I moved the furniture around myself and got the living room ready . I think that he was right though , I kind of over did it . BUT , now we have a fantastic Christmas tree and I love it ! Oscar is still trying to decide how he feels about it though . Speaking of Oscar this month on the 28th he turns 6 months - old . He is growing up and is ready to do some training ! Tyson has been spending sometime on his days off training him on Come and Sit . I contacted a dog trainer out here and now that he is 6 months - old we are able to enroll him in a 10 week training course , so we are excited about that . He 's a good dog , but a puppy to the core . Also , about a week ago we were able to schedule our 20 week ultrasound which I am very excited about . I have been DYING to know the gender of the baby and now we have an end in sight ( Tyson really wants to know too but he plays it cool , like always , but I know better ) . Anyway , we were able to schedule it for January 7th so 3 weeks from now we 'll know ! Though I am kind of hoping that my visit next week goes about the same as my appointment three weeks ago . They had to do a quick ultrasound then because they couldn 't find a heart beat so I 'm hoping that the baby is hiding again this next week so that I can get an early peek . Either way though , I am excited about it . Anyway , that is about it for now . Next week we will be going to Utah for a couple of days to visit family for Christmas and then we 'll head back up to Boise to spend the rest of the holiday with more family up here . Today I had yet another doctor 's appointment . Between my OB and Endocrinologist I 'm at a doctors office every two weeks . Anyway , I was excited for this appointment . I 've been feeling kind of worried ( I couldn 't tell you why other than that I worry ) so I just wanted the reassurance that everything was progressing just fine . I sit down , talk to the doctor , everything is looking great . As a final step she grabs her little Doppler device to listen for a heart beat , and well , it doesn 't want to work . The little gadget keeps breaking down on her . At first that got me kind of upset because it is VERY reassuring to hear that little heart beat . But , it turned out great . Instead of trying again with her Doppler she just took me right on down the hall and had them do an ultrasound instead . So , instead of just getting to hear the heart beat I got to see our little one moving around all over the place ! I know , it doesn 't sound all that exciting , but it was to me . I had really been hoping to get another glimpse at the baby before January . It has officially been one full year since Tyson and I were married . My little sister Ali was married two days ago in the Boise temple . It was fun to be able to be there with them and remember our wedding day . I thought that I might share a few pictures of our day . . . The classic coming out of the temple shot . . . Just a sweet picture . . . . By this time the rain was getting a bit heavier . . . you can see the rain drops on Tyson 's jacket . We ended up needing an umbrella . . . So , it has been a year , we haven 't killed each other yet so by all accounts everything is going great . It really has been wonderful , so much has happened and so many things have changed . We 've gone from being two single people concerned with our own little lives to a married couple with a mortgage and a baby on the way . I love my husband and I am so grateful for him ! To begin I must say that since I was about 14 I have found myself completely dissatisfied with our bi - partisan system . I believe that the parties do nothing but hinder progress because they are too busy worrying about staying in line with the group than actual progress . If you don 't believe me , just watch a State of the Union address . You 'll see those clapping and those abstaining are separated by an aisle and no one crosses on the other side with be break rank . I am always so disheartened by it . I have never affiliated myself with any party , I don 't even call myself independent , because that is a group . I am unaffiliated and very proud of that . I am also a political junky . I started getting excited for this election two years ago and doing my research and watching potential candidates since then . I got excited as the primaries got into full swing , but by the time that Idaho 's primary came around my favorite candidates and withdrawn from the race . At the end of the process I was utterly disappointed . I was left with two major party candidates whom I did not feel like I could support . I decided that the I would wait it out and see who the vice presidential candidates would be and perhaps that would help sway me . When Obama chose Biden he was out of the running for me . I don 't trust Obama , but I hoped he would perhaps make a good choice . His choice however could not have been worse as far as I am concerned . There is not a single senator that I dislike more than Joe Biden . So , I waited for McCain to make his choice . I was excited when he picked Sarah Palin . I don 't care what you say , I like her . However , she was not enough to sway me . I don 't trust John McCain either . So , my dilemma . I have to vote . I always say that if you don 't vote you 'd better keep your mouth shut for the next four years because you 've lost your right to complain . I had to vote , but I couldn 't decide what to do . Do I go with the all too common lesser - of - two - evils option , pick a third party candidate ( I didn 't really like any of them either ) , or jPosted by My sister - in - law Brandie tagged me on this one so here is goes . . . 5 Years Ago : 1 . I was working through my senior year at BYU2 . I lived in a very run down apartment , but I loved it ! Good friends make all the difference . . . 3 . I swore that I would never marry a Utah boy . . . 4 . I lived on so little I can 't even fathom it now5 . We made our annual Fall trip to Zions and I haven 't been there since5 Things on My List Today : 1 . Go to the grocery store2 . Survive the work day without killing a few clients3 . Give our dog Oscar a bath and pedicure4 . Get some sleep5 . Actually cook something for dinner tonight5 Snacks I Enjoy : 1 . Popcorn2 . Most any fresh fruit3 . Yogurt4 . Ice Cream5 . Chips and Dip5 Things I Would Do if I Were a Millionaire : 1 . Buy 20 acres and build a new house2 . Quit my job3 . Spend one month every year in another country4 . Finish my masters degree and get my PhD5 . Open a private school5 Places I have Lived : 1 . Blackfoot , ID2 . Boise , ID3 . Provo , UT4 . Auburn , CA5 . Sacramento , CA5 Jobs I Have Had : 1 . Day Care Worker2 . Student Manager at the Creamer on Ninth3 . Server at Brick Oven4 . Account Manager for Market Research Firm5 . Insurance Producer5 People I Tag : 1 . Liz2 . Sarita3 . Becca Clawson4 . Tamara Kelm5 . Rachel Fisher October has just been a wild ride for us . We have had some very fun and exciting things happen this month . First , my nephew was born on October 10th . He was a full 10 lbs 15 oz and 23 inches long ! He also came with a stunning full head of blond hair ! He really is precious . Sarita seems to have recovered pretty well and she and Eric are adjusting to life with a newborn . It is fun to get to be the aunt and just hold him and such when we are together and then hand him back to his mom when he gets hungry and fussy . It is really sweet though . He is just under three months younger than his uncle Jack ( and nearly the same size ) so it will be fun for him to have some family close in age to play with as he grows up . Also we have been working very hard this month with our dog Oscar and we are proud to announce and he is officially house trained ! I know , not very exciting to all of you , but it is great ! ( Those of you who have potty - trained a child will understand the joy ) . He is also crate and kennel trained and is doing well with the command " come . " He has grown so much and we are excited about that , though he still thinks that he is a lap dog . We found a wonderful obedience class that starts in January that will run for ten weeks . He will be six and a half months old by then , so the perfect age . He is a smart dog and catches on quickly ( it took about a week to potty train him ) so I think that this will be wonderful for him . We have some other fun news to share but that will have to wait for another post . . . As I was writing my last blog a funny story came to mind that I have to share . A few Sundays ago I was feeling pretty worn out and sick . That afternoon I really wasn 't up to doing much of anything , so Tyson suggested that I pick out a movie for us to watch . He usually makes some stipulations ( ie : no Jane Austin , no foreign , etc . ) but this week he didn 't say anything like that . So , I thought that I would give him a bit of a choice in the selection process and I asked " Red or Yellow , " which were the colors of the DVD cases . He picked red so our movie for the afternoon was Gone with the Wind . It is an absolute classic so I figured that everyone knew about it . When I told him what he picked he said " Oh , isn 't that a Western ? " I nearly died laughing . It was just what I needed to make me feel better . I told him that it was not and that it was a great American classic . He said " Oh , okay . It 's the one with Dr . Zhivago in it right ? " I don 't think that I drew a breath for a few minutes after that one . I love my husband , I really do , but I forget sometimes how very different we . I love the classics , he loves the modern , so we get to experience both so it works out well . Really though , we are much more alike than I think any else suspects . I really don 't enjoy shopping all that much . I think that I must have just missed out on that gene . I am the type of person who walks into the store knowing what I want , I grab it , buy it and leave . If I know that it will take some time I shop around online first to find out what I want and where to go . When I shopped for my wedding dress I looked around online for a few days , found one I liked , called a store in town that carried it and my total time in store was under 30 minutes . So , I don 't go shopping much and up until recently , I hadn 't taken Tyson with me unless we were shopping for groceries or clothing for him . So , this last Saturday , fo the first time since we have been married , Tyson and I went shopping together to get something for me . I needed a new purse , my birthday was over the weekend , so I decided it was time . So , we went in and wandered over to the purse section and I proceeded to browse through the selection . I 'm rather picky about my purses so I was taking longer than usual . The problem was , that in the purse area they have all of these little islands that are about five and a half feet tall on which they display more purses . I 'm only 5 ' 5 " so I could not be seen behind these . My poor husband , one the other hand , is 6 ' 4 " and was perfectly visible . It was actually very entertaining to see the way that people looked at him . Here is this somewhat rough looking guy standing around looking and purses and pulling them off of the shelf ( they were up high and I couldn 't reach them ) . He really could not have looked much more out of place and he knew it . It was just to funny because we had never gone shopping together to get something for me before so he wasn 't quite sure what to do with himself . I was informed that from now on , whenever we go shopping for me , I need to wear heels so that I can at least be seen over the top of the racks . It may have been a little uncomfortable for him , but I came out of it with the greatest purse ever and a nice little laugh . I had bought a few toys for Oscar so that he would have something other than my furniture and such to chew on . He didn 't seem to really take very well to those . I was reading a book that mentioned that for a puppy a stuffed animal is best as it is much softer . So , I had this stuffed frog from a while ago and I decided to pass it on to Oscar . For several days he just loved it . He would chew on the legs , but not rip anything . We forgot to put it in his crate one night after putting him to bed and he cried for hours until we figured out what was wrong . Well , I think that he is moving past his strong attachment to the frog because he has shredded the thing . At first it was one little tear one day and then the next day he started ripping out the stuffing . Finally he got to the point when he would stick his entire face in the frog searching for more stuffing to rip out . It was actually very entertaining . Tyson and I watched this behavior for days and enjoyed it quite a bit . Unfortunately , now Oscar is a little down because the frog that he used to lay his head on as he slept it now just a flat mat with two large plastic eyes . Maybe I need to find something new for him . . . Our little family is growing . Last night Tyson and I picked up our baby boy , Oscar . Tyson and I have both been wanting to get a dog , but we knew that it would have to wait until we bought a house . Well , now that we have a house and we have it ready to go , we decided that it was finally time to get the dog we have been waiting for . So , yesterday we picked up our little nine week old black lab puppy . He was already named Oscar , and I loved that name so Tyson let me keep it . He already likes Tyson better than me . I figure that it is just because as soon as we got home last night I gave him a bath ( which he didn 't like much ) . After that he ran right to Tyson and didn 't come back to me for a while . Oh well , I should probably get used to it since it will probably work the same way when we have kids . This last week Tyson and I went down to Sandy , UT to visit family and take some time off . We got home last night , and while it is always so great to get to see those we love in Utah it is also wonderful to be home again . Our trip was rather simple , the basic purpose was just to relax and visit family and friends . While there we went down to Provo one afternoon and went to lunch with my brother Ricky at the Brick Oven , which is always fun . Tys enjoyed lunch but didn 't much care to be in Provo and near BYU , which he rather dislikes . Don 't worry , I 'm working on him , someday he 'll be a BYU fan . Tyson decided that we should visit Hogle Zoo while in town . He hasn 't been there in ages and I had never been so we spent our Friday morning there . It was actually a lot of fun . The weather was cool and comfortable and the zoo wasn 't crowded at all . Tyson had some fun over by the great apes . Turns out he is bigger than a gorilla . . . he checked . Though I guess his arms aren 't quite as long . Really it was just a lot of fun and a nice way to spend the morning . It is funny how much it made me feel like a little kid again . I was just fascinated with all of the animals . Tyson enjoyed the building with all of the reptiles . Creepy crawlies terrify me , but he loves them . I told him he would have to visit them in the zoo then because we won 't be getting snakes , lizards , or the like as a pet . On our way home from the zoo we also made sure to stop by Tyson 's Grandma and Grandpa Spencer 's home . They are always a lot of fun to visit with . Overall , it was a fun little trip and a break from the everyday routine and constant work on our house or in our yard . Of course , starting tomorrow we are back to the daily grind , but that 's alright , the holidays will be here soon and then comes another break or two . Today was our Friday ! Tyson and I decided that is has been too long since we headed south to visit our family and friends in the Salt Lake area . Also , we were long overdue for some time off . Tys and I have very different work schedules and thus we haven 't had any of the same days off for about four months now . So , we took the next FIVE days off . I know , not a lot , but it is for us . We 'll be down in Utah from Wednesday through Saturday ( so if anyone down there wants to see us let me know ) . And then , the most exciting thing of all , we 'll be back home Saturday night so that on Sunday Tyson will get to go to church with me ! I know , not so exciting to all of you , but it has been months since he was able to come to church because he has to work every Sunday . ( Silly prison , I just don 't see why they can 't just close for the day ) . Anyway , we are off tomorrow . Don 't worry , I 'll make sure to bring some interesting stories back with me . I just have to share the joy , I Love Craigslist ! Not just because i have mastered the art of finding fantastic items on there for next to nothing , or my real speciality , finding great items for free . I have found a new reason to fall in love all over again . A couple of weeks ago when I decided it was high time to move the rose bushes I realized there was a large chore involved that I didn 't want to do . You see , the bushed were in a bed that was five feet wide , fifty feet long , and three inches deep full of decorative rock . That is literally over a ton of rock . I had no desire to shovel that all out and haul it to the trailer to take to the dump . So , I posted it on Craigslist as free for the taking , but whoever took it had to come shovel it all out on Tyson 's day off . I got dozens of responses . The first response I got , I called the guy back and within an hour he and a friend were at our house . By the time that I got home from work three hours later , they had taken it all . It saved me a lot a time not to mention aching back . Yeah for Craigslist ! I always refer to our home as a work in progress . I guess that it is bound to be such when you buy a 93 - year - old bungalow that has been sadly neglected . We love our house and we are thrilled at the progress that we are making on it . I thought that I might share what we have been working on over the past couple of weeks . First off , we finally got a back yard ! Tyson went and picked up the sod and put it in on Thursday while I was at work . We have had a back dirt patch for the last couple of months , so as you can imagine I am thrilled to have grass back there finally . As you can see , we are setting up to put in a walk way , I 'll have to get Tyson to finish that up before the winter comes . Our next project was something that I have wanted to do since we bought the house but I couldn 't do it on my own . Again , I put Tyson to work . We pulled out ( yes , I did help ) the old rose bushes that ran along the sidewalk and moved them over in front of the house . They were beautiful bushes , but I hated where they were located . Three of the bushes are over fifty years old so you can imagine how large they were . What a good husband I have . We started putting in a border to create some beds , but as you can see , it still isn 't finished yet . So , after he finished moving the roses Tyson tilled up the dead area around our front lawn and up where the rose bushes were ( poor guy , never gets a break ) . The lawn was very uneven so we were able to level it all out and till under the dead weeds . Once we get back from our trip to Utah next week we 'll put down some grass seed in the areas that we tilled up and also in the existing lawn to thicken it up a bit . Once Tyson finished tilling I put in a border along the front of the property to create a bed that was about half as wide as the old bed used to be ( see , I help ) . Once I finished that I planted some new Nandina , heavenly bamboo shrubs that I believe we will like so much better . They aren 't as thick and bless them , they are evergreen . Not really , the leaves turn red in winter , but they don 't fall Posted by So last week Ali and Chaz were over at our house and Chaz made a comment about the beard that Tyson had just started growing out . So , the subject of beards continued and I was reminded of a photo that we had from last August when Tyson and I got engaged . Since they were over I have been looking for that picture and low and behold , I found it . This picture was taken on the day that we went shopping for my engagement ring ( Tyson didn 't trust himself to pick it out on his own ) . He was gone on wildfires pretty much all summer . This was during one of his relatively longer stays at home , about 38 hours . He would be out for about 14 days at a time and then home for about 2 days . Hence , the beard . I guess that when you are camping all summer long shaving is just too much of a hassle . The best part about it all was that two weeks after this picture was taken Sarita and Eric got married . So , the night before the wedding when all of the family was gathered , Tyson showed up to meet my entire family with this bushy beard and wild hair . Quite the first impression . . . The beard was gone by the following morning in time for the wedding . My plans today changed a bit . I had planned at first to start painting my kitchen today , and then I was going to go pick some peaches and can them , and then I was going to go to the lake with my family . Well , none of that worked out for me today . The lake idea got shot when Tyson got scheduled to work overtime , and then I couldn 't get a hold of the right person about the peaches , and I can 't reach my kitchen ceiling because I 'm too short . So , I changed my plans . I went through my garden this morning and it seriously needed some harvesting . I decided that I would go ahead and make a couple of batches of salsa . Tyson loves my mom 's canned salsa and so when we planted our garden we made sure to plant what we would need to make salsa . Luckily our garden is producing what I need at the rate that I need it . I had exactly enough ripe tomatoes and jalpenos to make two batches today . We pulled our onions a week ago because they were set to go . We found a great variety of tomato that we love . It is called a Jet Star Hybrid and it is perfect ! It has a really good flavor with a lot of flesh to it . I know , not overly interesting to all of you , but I 'm thrilled with it . Anyway , that is my exciting day . . . This last week we bought our first batch of sod for our yard . Basically our entire back yard and side yards were non level at all , the grass was weak and the lawn full of weeds that just would not die . So , we killed it all , tilled it up and re leveled the yard . So now the process of putting in sod has begun . We purchase 500 sq . ft . this last week and we need about 800 more so we 'll be getting that in a few weeks . But in the mean time it is really nice to have our west side lawn done . I 'm excited about it ! I hadn 't posted an update on our garden lately , so here it is . My garden is insane ! By the 4th of July our corn was taller than Tyson and it is just getting taller . It is producing well though . We are having some of the corn for dinner tonight and one of our cantaloupes as well . I took over a dozen tomatoes to my parents yesterday because I had more than I could use and I have dozens of jalapenos and bell peppers . This is fun ! More fresh veggies and less money spent at the grocery store . Tyson and I finally decided how we are going to do our garden beds next year so I can 't wait to get those put in this Fall . This next picture is just for fun . I love my petunias that I put in the planter box next to our front door . It will all get taken out in the next month or two though . The planter box takes up a lot of space and doesn 't offer up much planting space in return , so we are going to tear it out and widen our front patio . I figure that once we put in a new railing I 'll just buy a planter box to hang over the railing . For this summer though I though it would look silly to leave this box empty . My grandma also had barrels of petunias all over her front and back patios so I went with the petunia . So I have a funny story to tell about what happened to me this morning . I set an alarm to get up early , which by the way is something that I never do . My husband has to be up at 5am so I usually wake up with him and then go back to bed for a little while , but I knew that this morning I needed to get up and get some things done because I had an assignment to speak in Sacrament meeting today and also to teach gospel doctrine today . So even though I went back to bed after Tyson left this morning I still got up early . I hurried and got myself ready for church so that I would not be late . I wanted to make sure that I was ready to go in case I ran out of time while I finished preparing both my talk and my lesson . Anyway , I had my whole schedule planned out and had set myself to leave at 9 : 15 to make sure that I got to church about ten minutes early . Anyway , I went into my bedroom this morning at 9 : 07 to grab my shoes and cardigan when I finally realized CHURCH STARTED AT 9 : 00 ! I don 't know how I forgot that . We 've been going to this ward for three months now and I have never been late but for some reason the day that I need to speak I forget what time church starts at . Anyway , I ran out the door and actually drove to church ( it is only a block away ) and walk in right as the Sacrament Hymn was finishing . I was so embarrassed because of course I had to sit on the stand . Anyway , I was a little but shaken by that so it took me a little bit to gather my bearings . Then , after than embarrassing situation did I get to just sit back , NO , I had to go and substitute Gospel Doctrine . Needless to say , I was glad when it came time for Relief Society so that I could finally step away from a pulpit and sit down and be quiet . Anyway , it made for an interesting morning which I am grateful is finally over . So I started this project on July 2nd and today I finally finished it ! Okay , so I 've been a bit lazy and I keep getting side tracked . . . but today I finally finished painting my dining room ! These pictures are a little dark for some strange reason . My dining room really is the brightest room in our house with all the windows and such . Anyway , I love the color ! It was the one room in the house that I knew that I could get away with painting red , so I did it . It fits rather well with the gold colored living room as well . Now the only room that I have yet to paint upstairs is my kitchen , but I 'll get that done next month . I can 't wait until that one is finished . Anyway , I 'm thrilled with how it turned out . I love owning my own house and getting to do whatever I want to it ! I mentioned in a previous post that I had finally determined what colors to paint the rest of the upstairs of my house . Until at least the Winter I am ignoring my basement . We don 'd need the extra room down there and it needs a bit of work before I can do much of anything . Anyway , I have been working on getting my living room and dining room painted for about a week now and I finally finished the living room . The dining room is coming along ( it takes a few coats when you are using red paint ) , but it should be finished by Wednesday . I had promised some photos so here they are . Prior to being painted the walls were just plain white and dirty , despite all of my attempts to clean them . I love this new color though . It is just so warm and inviting . I had several people tell me I was a little crazy with my color choice , but I love the way that it looks with my dark wood and especially my antique door with the stained leaded glass . Now that I have the room painted and our furniture back in there I have a good idea what style of fabric I need to buy to reupholster our couch and chair . Again , that will be another Winter project for me , but I am excited to get going on it . Saturday my family went up to Lucky Peak for the evening after spending most of the day at Sarita 's house working on some projects . It turned out to be a fantastic day . It didn 't get above 88 degrees so it was very comfortable . We had a lot of fun . The kids just love to play in the sand ( I 'm still not allowed to post pictures online ) and to take some easy rides in the tubes . The older kids just tubed and wake boarded all evening . Rick and Jake were a bit restless though . There was a cliff relatively neat to the dock and back where we had set up camp , so while the boat was out doing some tubing they swam on over to the cliff to see if the water underneath was clear enough to jump off . It didn 't quite work out for them , but it is funny to see that even though they think that they are all grown up they are still silly little boys . After thy boys came back from playing on the cliffs they went out again and Jake worked with Tyson to teach him how to wake board . He is really starting to get the hang of it and hopefully before summer is over he 'll be pretty confidant with it . So , I have developed a new hobby over the last year . I love to take used and unwanted items from other people , refurbish them , and then use them for my house . Yesterday I made another fantastic find . I went on Craigslist and found a gal who had two little bistro sets that she wanted to be rid of . I called her and picked them up last night . On the way home I went to the store and bought a couple of cans of spray paint . I hosed everthing off really well last night and let them sit overnight and then got up this morning and started painting . I love how they are turing out ! I ran out of spray paint so I need to go and get some more to finish , but they are great . Again , I let Tyson pick the color and he really wanted the copper color . I had no idea that any guy would have such strong opinions about color , but Tyson does . Anyway , it is just another fun project that I am in the middle of . I have also been painting my dining room and living room today , so I am painted out right now ! Just taking a bit of a break and then . . . back to work . Did you know that the peanut is actually a relative of the pea family and that it isn 't actually a nut at all ? I had no idea ! Though I guess I had never thought about it before . Anyway , earlier this week Tyson was working in our garden and found a peanut that had sprouted . We assume that it came in the load of donkey dung that my brother brought us a month back for our garden . In one end and out the other whole I guess . My mom said that the digestion process it probably what caused it to sprout . Anyway , being the guy that he is , the first thing that Tyson thought to do with it was plant it . So he pulled out a couple of marigolds that I had planted ( they were nearly dead ) and he put it in pot . Well , I went to go look at it today and low and behold , we have a peanut plant ! I guess that peanuts are produced much like potatoes . Who knew ? I have no idea what we 'll do with it or if it will even grow here , but only time will tell I guess . In the mean time , Tyson keeps his potted peanut next to the garden to make sure that it gets watered with the rest of our plants everyday . I 've mentioned before that I often lose Tyson to the garden sometimes . Well , he spent the whole morning in it again getting it weeded and raked out and such . So when I came home from work this afternoon it looked fantastic ! Everything seems to be growing rather well . Our corn is chest high ( for me that is , it comes about to Tyson 's waist ) . I 'm glad that we bought tomato cages when we did a couple of weeks ago because they have really taken off . The yellow pear tomato plant is already over three feet tall and our cucumber is taking over , the the cantelope is also trying to invade the corn patch . My goodnss , doesn 't it know that it is only June , we have a couple of months more to go still ! I 'm not really complaining , I love our garden . We picked our first cucumber yesterday . I know , it is silly , but it is our first garden so we are pretty excited about it all . We 've started planning out the beds that we will build next Spring so that we are ready to get going on that project when the time comes . Unfortunatly , given when we moved into our house , we didn 't have too much time for planning , we just bought and planted . As far as our upcoming projects go , we have our work cut out for us for next month . We are going to be painting our living room and dining room . I have been racking my brain about this for months because it is a somewhat open floor plan , the rooms flow together , so I had to figure out the whole scheme for the living room , kitchen and dining room before I could move forward on anything . Anyway , the other day I finally figured it out . The dining room will be the red , the kitchen will be the lighter shade of green with the cabinets painted white and the living room will be the yellow color parallel to the green there . All of the trim , doors and ceilings are going to be the same beach white color ( a pattern I have been keeping up throughout the house thus far ) . Anyway , some have said I 'm a little crazy , but I think that it will be great . I 'll post pictures next week when I 'm done and you 'll see , it will be fanJenn Hansen I know , I know , you are all eager to see how my yard and garden are coming . Okay , I 'm sure that you really aren 't all that excited about it , but I sure am . I have never had a garden of my own so for our garden to be growing as well as it has been is VERY exciting to me ! I was asked yesterday what we were growing so here 's the run down . Behind the corn we have a cantaloupe , then of course the corn . In front of the corn we have a cherry tomato and a cucumber . Then there are six more tomato plants , one of them being a yellow pear variety . In front of those are our peppers , red and green bells as well as a jalapeno . You can 's really see them in this picture , but in front of the peppers are our onion plants . Our primary purpose in planting our garden this year is to be able to make salsa this fall , everything else is just for fun and to save us money at the grocery store . That and to have tomatoes untainted with salmonella . An then of course , there are my flowers . My petunias and daisies on my front porch are growing wonderfully and just getting more full and beautiful every week . We are finally supposed to have warm weather all week , so I 'm excited to see where we are at in the next couple of weeks . I had to put this picture up because I simply love the color of the roses on this bush . It is a little wild to Tyson is working on getting some starts going so that he can train a new bush that will give me the same vibrant orange color with fewer thorns . Okay , this last one is where we laid some sod last week . This was where the dog run was and we moved that because we wanted to have a little more backyard and I also didn 't want the run right up next to the garage anymore . I 'm glad to see it all taking so well . |
Recent Comments Grandma on On the First Day of CookiesErica Mary Eleanor on The road so farG . B . Marian on The road so farErica Mary Eleanor on Hummingbird Cake for Valentino … G . B . Marian on Hummingbird Cake for Valentino … Categories baby quilt Thursday we celebrated Settimio 's 12th birthday . Sometimes it is hard to believe he is almost a man . He is nearly as tall as I am . I do think he will surpass me in height this coming year . I have never been a fan of bacon but lately I 've been enjoying it if it is cooked very crispy , almost burnt . He decided on a chocolate and peanutbutter ice cream cake so I picked one of those up from Dairy Queen , as well . Overall I think he had a nice birthday . Spring break started the next day so they got to stay up late watching a movie . Friday , was a reserved make up snow day , but since the kids had no snow days this year in our very mild Pacific North West winter they got the day off . Though , we did have to get up nice and early for a dentist appointment . Such a nice mom I am to schedule their dentist appointment on their first day of spring break ! Ahhh . . they finally get to sleep in . . Nope ! Gotta get up to be to the dentist at 9 am ! Oh well , at least it 's done and over with for 6 more months . Today is Saturday , day two of Spring Break 2016 ( ! ! Said like a stupid mtv announcer ! ! ) and Fiammetta has a birthday party to go to in a little while . We have already been up for about 5 hours . Well , the 4 youngest kids and I have . The eldest 2 are still snug in bed , as they usually are on the weekend mornings ( afternoons and eveings as well if I let them ! ) . The littles have all eaten breakfast , made messes , cleaned up , gotten hurt , climbed trees , etc . . etc . . , and now are calmly watching a bit of television while I nurse the baby in bed . It is always very lively at our house . After vacuuming this morning I decided to go outside and assess ( heh heh I spelled assess , I 'm pronouncing it asses in my head ) the growth of our garden and weeds . So many dang horsetails are coming up . I really dislike those things ! and 3 grafted espalier apple trees . The apple trees really need a good pruning . They are not looking very espalier at the moment ! I also planted a variety of other plants including a lilac bush / tree , Arya likes hanging out on the roof . She is all black but in the sun her coat looks red too , it 's very pretty . She also has extra toes on all her paws , and she doesn 't smell very good . I don 't know if it 's her breath or her butt , but it grosses me out a bit . 🙂 haha ! This shot is going up the side of our house from our back yard up to the front . The first cherry tree I showed you is right up there just past the stone steps . The second cherry tree is right behind me . I used to have a whole bunch of creeping jenny , a ground cover type plant , planted along the side of the house . The creeping jenny was spreading so far it had almost covered the entire pathway . My sweet chickens have torn it all up and now use that area for dust baths . I need to move the tiny fencing , now it just looks weird ! I would love to put more ferns or hostas toward the right side near the fence . We had over 100 - 150 strawberry plants in various places through out the garden but it looks as though the chickens have torn up and eaten them as well . Sal is so cute 🙂 we cut his hair the other day . He wanted me to but then wasn 't pleased with the results . At least it grows back quickly . A view from under our deck . To the left is the huge hydrangea that was here when we moved in . I 've trimmed it down low multiple times since we 've lived here . I wonder how large it would be now if I hadn 't ! One tier down from where the shovel is are a few blueberry bushes our landlord dropped off 2 summers ago . They have a blueberry farm and were thinning out their crop so I asked for a few bushes . All back outside of our fence is a large field and blackberry brambles . To the right of this picture is our chicken coop . This is going from our front door up to the road where we park . To the right is the garage . On the side of the garage is various plants including a fuschia . It 's very pretty in the summer . On the left is a citrusy smelling , yellow orange peony bush . It is just starting to bud . I am hoping I will be able to stay more on top of weed pulling this year in the garden . Last summer was very unpleasant with the high temperatures while being pregnant and still trying to do the Farmer 's Market . This year I won 't be doing market because it has been extremely hard to get anything done with the new baby in arms minus a husband to occasionally help out around the house . I am keeping my etsy open and hoping to be back at market for the summer of 2017 . I need to get out in the garden soon with out the baby and get the horse tails pulled up before it gets out of control ! Although I prefer the introspective , colder months I do find myself looking forward to the season of growth . I 'm hoping to get a few more pots for the deck and expanding our herbs and tomatoes . Happy Easter , Ostara , Vernal / spring Equinox ! ! Spring is here ! Heading into my least favorite time of the year . . but it still is beautiful and every day and season is a good time to be alive , even if I do prefer the darkness 😉 Sally is climbing the trees , Fifi and farmer girl Percy posing for a picture . Both in their salt water sandals . I kind of want to get myself a pair ! Coco and Cute Chicken behind her . . They are both the same breed and the most skittish . They are still sweet and curious and all the girls follow us around when we are outside . Here 's Goldie , she 's a golden sex link and our most outgoing chicken . I usually get to hold her . She is also our most adventurous ! Often times she jumps our fence and I will find her wandering the neighbors yards . Sometimes two or three houses over . She even explores the blackberry brambles out back . The only one I didn 't get a close up of was Peep . She is a Silver Laced Wyandotte . She is also pretty personable . You can see her on the far right of the coop . I put a blanket on the roof to help keep heat in during our winter . It was pretty mild here in the Pacific Northwest but we did get some chilly nights . Their coop is under our deck and it is pretty waterproof , so even when it rains little water gets under there . Fresh eggs ! Our girls aren 't big on laying in their coop so I have to search the yard for newly preferred nesting spot . They switch it up on me every couple of weeks ! It 's like a mini easter eggs hunt , except instead of candy filled eggs I get to find a clutch of these beautiful brown , sometimes spotted , protein filled , treasures . . It 's kind of fun to find the new nest , like finding the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow . I will leave you with a picture of me and my little sweetie , Valentino . He 's wearing one of the little bubble suits that I hand embroider and sell in my etsy shop . I love Peter Rabbit baby things , and Beatrix Potter books and illustrations . To me she captures the true essence of innocence and childhood . Happy Spring to all ! May yours be filled with all the lovely things in life ! We first moved in to our home in March of 2012 . This year we have lived here for four years . Settimio was the first one in our family to celebrate his birthday here . Our house was still so sparse and there was much unpacking to do ! We have spent four winters in this little house by the bay . One winter we had a light dusting of snow that melted before the kids came home from school . This winter has been by far the wettest I 've seen here . There has been almost constant rain and we 've had our little road flood numerous times . There has been standing water on our road almost the entire winter . It will slowly drain away only to be replaced a couple days later with more rain water . At one point the city closed the road and had people come in to fix the drainage problem . The back field behind our house has looked more like a lake than grassland . Last night we went to sleep with the wind blowing and howling through the trees up and down our little valley . We live just outside of city limits on a little plot of land between two bays . The bays lie North and South of us , East and West of us are two hills . We live on the lower end on the West hill . So , when the wind gets blowing it just whips right through here , it can be pretty amazing . Quite a few trees have fallen this winter and knocked out electricity for a time . The power company is pretty good and usually gets the electricity back on quickly . I don 't think we 've gone longer than one night without . This morning I awoke to the wind blowing and Ophelia telling me to come look at the water of the bay blowing up and onto the road . Water on the road is not new , but never before have I seen it come from the bay side . I came out to see and there looked to be two little waterfalls flowing from the bay down into the road . I have never seen the water this high before . Some of the driftwood are pushed up off the beach onto the grassy area and the waves are spraying up . It 's hard to see but the little waterfalls falling into the road are off to the left . There is a little hill built up by the bay , presumably to keep the water in or out depending on your point of view . I heard that before the road was built the water from the bay came all the way up behind our house . Beautiful , scary , and amazing this wind has been . It truly is beautiful and you can feel the power emanating from the elements . I 'm surprised we still have electricity , though oddly and unexpectedly we don 't have water . A water main has broken but thankfully crews are on there way to restore them . As I sit here writing I can hear the mighty wind whoosh through while my chickens cluck and bawk at the inconvenience of it all ! Days like this I love to open all the windows and doors and let the fresh air flood in , giving the house a much needed cleansing . It 's a wonderful feeling lying in the warm bed with the baby softly snoozing beside me feeling the cold , clean air around us . It 's the middle of the night and I should be sleeping in my warm bed with my children . The past couple of weeks I 've had all 4 little ones in the bed with me . Besides my king size bed I have a set of bunk beds in my room . Fiammetta usually sleeps in her own bed on the top bunk but lately she has been coming up with different reasons why she should sleep with us . . Mostly it 's because she 's scared of one thing or another . I 'm ok with it . . I love having them all squished in there with me . I think it 's most uncomfortable for her and Sal . I keep me and the baby separated from the rest with a pillow between us . That way the kids won 't roll over and accidentaly squish him . I 've been having trouble sleeping this past month . I seem to fall asleep great , and some nights I can even stay asleep for the whole night . . ( as much as one can while breastfeeding a 4 month old ) But then other nights I wake up around 3 or 4 am and my mind is racing , jumping from one thought process to the next . Tonight seems to be one of those nights . I think it may be because I have been falling asleep with the kids around 7 or 8 pm so by 3 or 4 am I 've already had about 8 hours of sleep ! This past weekend the husband came down to visit with the kids . He rented a hotel with a pool so the little ones would get to swim . All three of them ended up staying over both nights with him . That was a bit weird and sad . I 'm not used to sleeping with out them . That was the only time besides when Valentino was born that Persephone has not slept with me . I missed her tiny little body next to mine . Every night she falls asleep holding my hand or putting her tiny chubby hands on my arms . She 's very snuggly . Last night I had her little hands on my arm and Salvatore fell asleep , next to Persephone , with his arm draped across her to hold my hand . When I do wake up in the middle of the night I love hearing all of their soft breathing . They all have been sleeping pretty calmly . It seems that if there is less of them in the bed that is when the wilder sleeping happens , when I will wake up with Percy upside down or laying sideways , to a little whimper , a sudden crazy scream , and less frequently there have been kicks or punches to the face from a dreaming little one 🙂 The latter three I can definitely live without ! So this Friday Alex came by to pick up the kids and take them out to dinner and they all decided they wanted to stay over night with him at the hotel . So I packed them all up a bag and kissed and hugged my babes goodbye . This is definitely not the way I wanted or imagined my family to be ! I knew it would be good for them , and for Alex , but it 's hard for me to let them go . Saturday I was taking Settimio out for his early birthday date . He wanted to go see Deadpool and I wasn 't sure it would still be out in the theatre at his real birthday a month later so we decided to go now when Alex would have the little kiddos . . Settimio and I went out to eat lunch at Anelia 's in La Conner , a Polish restaurant that two of my younger brothers work at ; one as the Chef and the other as a waiter and prep cook . We had the brunch , Timio had the Joe breakfast hoagie made from french toast with bacon and home made sausage , I had a super delicious veggie omlete . Ophelia stayed home and we took the baby with us , he had the breastmilk . After brunch before heading in to the movie we met up with Alex and the other kids at the mall . He agreed to watch the baby for the 2 hours so I could watch the movie with Settimio . At Salvatore 's birthday movie date in January we went to see the new star wars movie and I had to stand the whole time so the baby wouldn 't cry . I really did not want a repeat of that so I asked Alex to watch Valentino for me so I could sit this time ! The 4 little ones and dad hung out at the mall playground for a couple hours . The movie was pretty sweet . Settimio covered his eyes a couple times during the less kid friendly parts 🙂 There was one sex scene , one strip club scene with boobs , a lot of crude humor and some pretty gruesome killing bits , way more than in the other superhero movies but Settimio is almost 12 so it wasn 't too terrible . Definitely not a movie I would let the younger kids see . Overall we both enjoyed it ! After the movie I got Valentino , Salvatore and Settimio and we went home , Alex was takinI knew Sunday would be a long day ! My mom and I had plans to go to Ikea while Alex had the kids . I suppose that is one good thing about the little ones being gone for the day , I can get a bit more stuff done ! Driving to Ikea from where I live takes about an hour and a half to two hours . My mom drove down my brother 's empty van and I drove down my van with all seats but the the two front and the baby 's removed . Ophelia and Settimio stayed home but we took Little V with us . I was going down to get a couch , a rug , a bookcase and a bed frame . We walked around and checked stuff out . . It was crazy packed . I got all the crap I came for and we left . That is the brief version because in reality that journey took all day ! ! We got home just after dark and I had to unload all that heavy , heavy from the van . Had the older two help while my mom held the baby . It all ended up fitting in my brothers van so mine was empty . No reason to have taken out my seats , but I 'm glad I was prepared just in case ! Would have totally sucked if I didn 't take out the seats and ended up needing the room . After we got every thing unloaded from the van and carried down the stairs into my house I realized that we grabbed the wrong size bed frame . . wah wah . . So this Saturday I will be making another lovely trip to Ikea to exchange the queen size bed for the proper king that I need . I may buy a few candles that I passed up the first time . When we got home Alex had already dropped the littles off and headed back up to the B ' ham . They were all watching t . v . when we arrived . Good way to keep them preoccupied while unloading the loot . I got the rug layed out and the couch put together then headed to bed . . I was exhausted and my feet hurt from walking around all day on the concrete floor . The couch is in our upstairs living room . I bought two white slipcovers for it . That way when one is dirty , and I know it will be with my children , I can throw it in the wash and put the other one on . I suppose we didn 't need a couch up here but I was tired of sitting on the chairs we have . They weren 't too comfortable to sit in while trying to nurse The Newborn . That 's what all the little kids call Valentino , I hope that remains his nickname until he 's an old man ! ! We still call my little Joey brother Fetus , his nickname from babyhood . When my husband and I decided to get married we had been together for about 6 years . We had 3 kids together ( plus my 2 and his 1 ) , so we were a family of 7 sometimes 8 when his oldest daughter would come visit . We also had known each other since we were 14 years old . So this wasn 't a whim decision . We had our ups and downs but when we decided to get married I was in it to the end . I thought we would fight through everything together and come out stronger . All our issues we would work on together and in the end we would be a happy family working on our life goals together . I was wrong . He wasn 't happy and instead of trying to make things better he came up with every excuse as to why he should leave . To be honest , we all were not happy . There was so much negativity in our household it was like a dark cloud of repression hanging in the air . When he finally left it was sort of like that fog lifted and we all could breathe again . He was miserable and he made everyone else around him miserable as well . Due to the course of actions taken I have lost so much respect for him . It is hard for me to look at him sometimes or even talk to him . I know there is goodness in him , there were reasons I loved him and married him . But after all this I find it hard to see them sometimes . I am not going to bash him . He is a human and working through his own issues . Just as we all are and I am not perfect in any way . I just find it very hard to comprehend his actions and all the things he has done and said this past year and a half . It all boils down to he doesn 't want responsibility anymore . He doesn 't want to be a husband and father on a daily basis . He loves the kids and wants to see them but he doesn 't want to everyday . He didn 't like being a father . He was so angry all the time . Every little thing would upset him . Even driving to the store would put him in a bad mood most times . I would dread his days off of work . We all had to walk on eggshells so we wouldn 't upset him . And once he was upset that would be it for the day . There was no going back . It was hard to live like that . His yelling and constant nitpicking of the kids , especially my oldest 2 and of them especially Ophelia , got worse and worse . It was like she couldn 't walk through the same room as him with out some criticism being thrown her way . Sometimes he would straight up ignore her . She would ask him a question and he would just walk away . Most nights at dinner he would wait until she was done eating before coming to the table . It was sickening . Then it started more and more with my oldest son , and then with our 3 year old son too . He never acted that way with our 2 daughters , to be fair our youngest was only a toddler . He would get upset sometimes with them but he treated them more delicately . He started breaking dishes in his rage . Then some furniture and eventually punched a hole in the wall while screaming at Ophelia . That was around the time I got pregnant with our last child , baby 6 . That was the final time he moved out . I told him he wouldn 't be able to come back unless he got counseling and anger management . We also needed more marriage counseling and family counseling , him and I with the children . He decided that the easier way was better . At first I would have taken him back if we could have gone to counseling . But as time moved on and I was forced to take care of our family by myself my own anger and resentment toward him grew . His leaving I could have understood to some extent . He was overwhelmed with the large family that we had . But what made me angry and sickened me more was the things he would do or say when he would come around to see the kids . My Husband lives about 40 minutes north of us , near his work , living off a coworkers couch . That has been his living arrangement since he left our home , and needless to say it is not very accommodating for visiting with children . When he left us in January 2015 when he would want to come down and see the kids he would come to my house to see them . I tried to encourage him to take the kids elsewhere and visit with them there but he would complain that he didn 't have enough money to take them out all the time , to feed them and to pay for gas driving back and forth . So I let him come here . But I hated it . After a couple months when the weather got better I had him take the kids to the park or beach as often as I could . I didn 't like him coming to our house and hanging out all day . Or taking naps on our couch or trying to in my bed . Most times when he was here he would end up spending more time with me than our children . Occasionally he would help out by putting away our sons laundry or washing the dishes or sweeping . And I did have him help me prune and weed the garden once when I was 7 months pregnant . Though those things helped , I would have preferred if he visited them elsewhere . I did not want to hang out with him if he wasn 't willing to work on our relationship . I didn 't feel like I needed to be his friend . He left our home and family because he wanted to not be a part of it anymore . But he wouldn 't leave me alone . He would tell me he loved me and missed me and try to touch me or kiss me . It hurt for many different reasons . I asked him to leave me alone over and over . He didn 't want to come back or to work on any part of our relationship or that of the children . He did not get to still act like he was my husband . He was disrespecting me by doing so . Treating me like my feelings didn 't matter . It made me angry with him and angry with myself for not be stronger and pushing away harder . It made me sick with myself when I would let him touch me , rub my back or my feet . I was pregnant and I was sore and it was hard to say no over and over . But then when he 'd leave I would feel so disgusted with myself . He would try to kiss me and I 'd back away and sometimes he would corner me so I 'd have to push away and try to get by . He would tell me " I 'm still your husband . " Or if I 'd be giving the kids hugs and kisses he 'd say " where 's my kiss ? " After he 'd leave I 'd tell him over and over how bad it made me feel that he 'd do these things and he 'd apologize but do it again the next time he came . The whole situation was eating at me and I really could not take it any longer . It 's come to the point now where I am telling him to come down just once a month and get a hotel to visit with the kids at . I absolutely hate the idea of them being away from me and our home but I don 't want to see him or talk to him . Sometimes I wish he would just go away forever . We implemented my one whole weekend a month plan this month , February . Before that he had been coming down for a couple hours on most of his days off ( once or twice a week ) . So , I was barraged with all this every week for the past year , but I can 't do it any longer . It makes me sad , the whole situation . I grieved for a long time over the life we could have had . He was my husband and he did mean a lot to me , but I need to move on . I need to be healthy for myself and my children . I know that if I hold on to that anger and resentment it will grow a big pit in me and I can not let that happen . This past month I have only had to see my husband once , and I feel better than I have in a long time ! I feel a sense of freedom . Two weekends ago he came and took 3 of our children out for a couple hours , and this weekend he will be coming to visit with them again . This time he will be getting a hotel and keeping our eldest over night while bringing our younger children home at night . Then he will pick them back up in the morning for another visit . He won 't be taking the baby , our little one is still exclusively breastfed being only 3 months old . Besides not wanting to care for an infant with out food on his own for a few hours , my husband has a small car and 3 children hardly fit in it safely . I 'm hoping in March it will just be the one weekend . I am flexible , if he wants them 2 weekends that is ok too . I just can 't keep having him at my house , and I 'd like to keep the kids home some weekends so we can have some of the fun time too . Not just the worky weekdays when its all school routine and no movies and popcorn kind of life . I think I deserve to have some of the fun time with my family too . I will always care about him and have a certain love for him in my heart . But he is the one who wanted to leave and not work on the things that were wrong . There is only so long I can hold on to hope that we can work it out before it 's time to let it all go and just move on . . And it feels really , really good . I am actually a little excited to really heal and to start connecting with that inner spark of life , God , the Divine . . whatever one wants to call it . . at times I even feel a bit giddy ! 🙂 I still wear my wedding ring . At this point in time my husband has been gone for 1 year and about 3 weeks . But I still keep it on . Not because of my husband , I have 6 kids and I 'm by myself . I inherited this ring from my Aunt . As long as I have seen it on her finger I have always admired it . It is delicate , beautiful , and has a vintage charm to it . My Aunt in turn inherited it from my Great Grandmother , my Grandpas Mother , when she passed . It was my Great Grandmothers wedding ring . It has a lot of sentimental value to me . When I see it I think of my Aunt and I think of my Great Grandmother , whom I am partially named after . I wonder what her life was like as I didn 't get to know her , she died before I was born . I wonder about all the things this ring has seen . But those reasons are not what compels me to keep my ring on . I have 6 kids and I am by myself . Or rather , I am husband - less . I do have a lot of family that loves and helps us , especially my Mom . Though , when I go out in public I don 't feel particularly fond of being judged by others . Not that I think I am the center of their world , but In the back of my mind being judged is a worry . I know that I should care less what others think of me , but for some strange reason right now it does bother me . The child support I get every month covers rent and some bills . If I got an outside job I doubt my pay would even cover my day care costs and then someone else would be raising my kids . I have to use food stamps when I go grocery shopping . Mostly , I wonder what the cashier or the people in line behind me think of me with all my children while I use a food benefit card or wic checks . I wonder if my relatives think I am a freeloader on our government . I see all the negative comments on social media about single moms , or the bumper stickers saying " if you can 't feed ' em don 't breed ' em " . This is not how I imagined my life would be . I am trying to make the best of this situation and raise my kids to be healthy and hopefully never land in a similar situation themselves . I keep telling my kids to be sure to love the person you make babies with . I tell my sons it is not the noble thing to leave the mother of your children without exhausting every possibility of making that life work ( except in the case of abuse , leave immediately ! ) Take care of your children and spouses . I feel like once we make the decision to have children our lives cease to become ours . We must live to nurture , love , and take care of them and when they are old enough to care for themselves that is when our wants can come back into focus . Not saying we shouldn 't have a bit of time here and there for ourselves , we all need time to recharge our batteries now and again , but our FOCUS should be these little lives we brought into this world . There are times when I think of moving my ring to the other hand . And maybe someday I will . But for now , there it stays . Not because of my husband , I have 6 kids and I 'm by myself . |
I know … it 's summer . But if you know me , I tend to be a day late and a dollar short . So you are going to have to take what you can get and not read Turkey hunting stories in the right season . It 's still a good story . This was my first year Turkey hunting and I have to admit I was feeling a little down - hearted about going out the second time after my initial experience . The first time around , we got to the spot where we thought the turkeys might be and heard them gobble right at daybreak so we hustled through a small ravine and up the other bank and got set up to be ready for them . They were talking quite a bit but I couldn 't see them . Suddenly I caught a glimpse of movement up in a pine tree and realized it was a big Tom . He was thumping and gobbling as he stood up on a big branch . I turned to my dad who was sitting behind me and pointing up , I quietly said . " They 're up in the tree ! " He nodded his understanding and went on watching and calling . Well , now my first realization here should have been " dad can 't hear very well , maybe you should clarify . " But instead I assumed that since he didn 't react , I wasn 't able to shoot him out of the tree . Bob was back around on my left with a number of trees between us and I couldn 't see him to make him aware of it , so there I sat , for about a half hour , enjoying my view of this big ol ' Tom dragging feathers and gobbling away . Suddenly the flock flew down out of the trees and went down the ravine away from us . We called and tried to bring them back , but they just took off out of there . We chased ' em all around the country and saw them a couple more times , but never close enough to get a shot . Turkeys are fast ! Finally when we were in the pickup , heading home , Bob was saying something about how he thought there must have been one big Tom on the ground because he could hear him stomping heavy , or something like that . So I chime in to explain that he was doing it in the tree . Bob kind of turns to me funny and says " You mean you could see him ? " And I was like " Yeah , I was watching him the whole time . " And both Bob and Dad exclaim " Why didn 't you shoot him ? " Well , you all know why by now . So lesson learned , you can shoot a turkey out of a tree if you choose to . I think some people prefer not to , but it 's not illegal . Okay , so I wasn 't feeling super confident in my ability to get close to a turkey , but Bob dragged me out of bed at 4am anyway so I figured I would give it a try . If nothing else , it was a beautiful morning . We were hunting on a ranch that I had gone to a few times as a kid when my mom was doing some calving for them . I loved going with her , we would get there around 10pm and check cows , then nap in a camper before going back out again after a bit . We would listen to the overnight talk radio while we checked cows , it 's a good memory for me … Anyway , I digress , turkeys . We walked past a dam and bellowing cows up to a stand of pine and quaker trees and started to hear the turkeys gobble . We thought about setting up near some brush but decided to push up a little further . We hunkered down in some dead fall and dad set up his hen decoy where the coulee came down in front of us . We sat and called for awhile when all of a sudden we heard a funky sound ( not 70 's music , just a weird sound … ) We all looked at each other in confusion but we couldn 't see what was making the sound . Well a few minutes later , a muley doe crossed the upper part of the coulee and she was on high alert . She was the one making the crazy noise , sort of a whistly , nasal , snort , bark … I don 't know if she had a fawn down where we were , or what , but she couldn 't figure out what we were , but knew something was up . She crossed back and forth three times trying to sort us out and we figured that her alarm call pushed the turkeys up over the top of the hill because we couldn 't hear them any more . We sat a little longer and I did some arts and crafts with some pine needles and updated my facebook . ( I no longer have the facebook app on my phone , because obviously I have a problem . ) Then we decided to go looking for turkeys . It was starting to feel like that first trip out … So we ramble up over the hill and sort of meander around the top of it when dad catches sight of a hen . He starts calling and we hustle along . Dad informs me that I need to walk further away from the edge of a hill so I can see over the edge but only my head shows to anything down below ( learned something new … ) I was in the front and all of a sudden I see a Tom . He saw us , but didn 't know he should be worried yet . He had his head up and was looking intently my way , and pretty as a picture , right in front of me was a pine tree with a broken branch right at shoulder level . I set the barrel of my gun on it , got a bead on him , let my breath out , pulled the trigger and WHAM ! I flew backwards ! Well , maybe not that bad … But , son - of - a - gun ! That gun kicked ! Good thing I had it seated in my shoulder . For some reason , I didn 't think a shotgun with turkey shot would pack a punch like that . Oh yeah … You want to know if I got the turkey . I did . One shot to the noggin and he was done . Bob tried to get a shot with his bow , but the other turkeys were taking off pretty fast . He said later he should have grabbed my shotgun rather than trying to get a shot with his bow on the run . But you don 't always think of that in the heat of the moment . Today I have this week 's recipes and meal ideas ( scroll down for those ) , plus I wanted to share with you a nifty food storage container that we are trying out . The containers are called Fitpacker Meal Prep Containers . They are made specifically to help you eat healthier by preparing healthy meals to eat at a later time . We have been using these containers for about a month and a half and they really help simplify things . They stack up really nicely , so I can store them neatly in a cooler bag when we will be eating supper in town and I love how sleek and simple they look when they are all lined up and ready to go . I don 't just use these containers when we are away from home either , they are also great for setting up snacks for the kids ( sliced fruit and veggies ) or pre - making my own lunch so that I don 't end up making poor choices because I am in a hurry and just grab whatever is quick . Another big plus for me it that they are made in the USA . Fitpacker containers are also BPA free , easy to clean and freezer , dishwasher and microwave safe . Honey Soy Salmon You can 't go wrong with a Pioneer Woman recipe … This was easy and delicious . We had a problem with our rice ( let 's just say , we had some uninvited guests ) so I nixed the rice in this recipe and went with some Dreamfields Spaghetti noodles . I spooned some of the sauce from the fish over the noodles and the kids went especially crazy for that . Loaded Nachos Another Pioneer Woman recipe , you can use Blue Corn Chips if you are trying to steer clear of too many carbs . This was a fun meal for the day we had one of the kid 's friends over . We used Elk burger for this one as well . Taco Skillet Oh , man … If you need a quick dinner , this is the one . Brown some burger , open a couple of cans and you are set . We ate this over a bed of lettuce with a dollop of sour cream . Elk Loin steak with mashed potatoes and salad . I salted the thawed steak , fried it in the pan and then sliced it with the potatoes and salad on the side . No recipe needed . The Pioneer Woman does have a great tutorial for how to cook a steak if you need something like that . I don 't use the seasonings she recommends , just salt and pepper and I do cook our steak just a smidge more than she does , but she has some great pictures that will help you get a good idea of how to cook a great steak . That 's it for this week ! Let me know if you try some of these out , or if you have questions about the Fitpacker containers . And , as always , I would love to hear your meal suggestions . Bob and I have recently been seeing information about hunting a large game animal called an Aoudad . And if you are anything like me , your first thought might be " What the heck is an Aoudad ? " So of course I had to go online and look up information . And if you are anything like Bob , your first thought might have been " I don 't care what they are ! How can I get on a hunt for an Aoudad ? " Well in either case , I am going to save you some time and fill you in . The Aoudad are a short haired , reddish - brown animal , with a mane of longer hair under their neck and front legs . Both the male and female have horns . They have flourished in the mountains of Texas and New Mexico due in part to their ability to obtain all hydration from the vegetation they consume and remain hydrated for long periods with little water . And that 's why a wild aoudad hunt in West Texas might be one of the most underrated big - game trips out there . You get to glass , climb , feel your muscles ache , and hear your joints creak . And if you hunt hard and shoot well , you 'll likely come home with a very cool trophy and some great memories . While hunting Aoudad is less expensive than some hunts out there , right now it still is above our budget . So Bob and I were excited to find a group of guides from Terlingua , Texas who run a site called HUNTAOUDAD . COM and who regularly give away Aoudad ewe hunts as part of their management strategy and to build awareness about their organization . You can sign up to win a hunt on their website . They also have a great FAQ page that lays out the requirements for a hunt on their place . It would be so exciting to win a hunt and get the chance to go after such a unique and challenging animal . I really like that the hunts are free range and fair chase so we wouldn 't be shooting an animal while it 's feeding at the hay mow . They also have a guide available for the extent of your hunt and you can decide how much or how little they help out . During this year , due to hunting for elk with my family and friends , antelope was an afterthought . Although there were multiple times that I went out hunting antelope with my bow , the first day I had eluded to in Kevin 's elk post awhile ago . Needless to say it didn 't work out on that trip . After getting Kevin 's bull to the processor , we started back out to take a look and check to see if there were a couple of antelope on the property that we had permission on . They weren 't there , so we moved on to the state land nearby . We drove by and while we were glassing , there was a decent buck bedded down about 150 yards in . I got out the arrow and got ready . We pulled onto the road and when we were in bow range we stopped . I asked Henry how far and he said sixty , I was already thinking that in my head so I went with it . We were pulled off the road and I opened the door of the pickup as slowly and as quietly as I could . I stepped out and nocked my arrow . I was shooting in the gap between the door of the pickup and the cab , which in this case was a 3 inch gap . I settled into the pocket of my aiming , squaring up my peep with the sixty yard pin on my Mission Riot bow , making sure the bow was flat on the bubble . I aimed and squeezed down on the release trigger . I watched the arrow fly towards the target and go just under the buck 's chest . He ran off as only antelope do , fast and gracefully . I knew that was going to be it for him coming back to the property for awhile . I walked over to where my arrow went , and when I found the arrow and where the buck was , I ranged back to the truck 65 yards . I had missed my target by the slimmest of margins and it was the closest attempt I had at an antelope throughout bow season . As we waited for a great Montana sunrise , we sat and tried to glass . As the first rays came over the top of the hills , we could see movement . To our right there were some antelope by the fence line only about 200 yards away . We sat and waited . Within about 30 minutes ( and two hours in my mind ) , the antelope moved away on to the private land that I didn 't have permission to be on . We decided to move on and come back by in a couple of hours and see if they crossed the property line . We went to another section of property which usually held antelope and started glassing . After about an hour of glassing the public land , we determined there weren 't any antelope there . We moved back down to where we were in the morning . As we were moving through the edge of the bottom of a draw , we saw antelope , two bucks to be precise . I looked quickly at my GPS and knew they were legal . We looked to make sure weren 't any directly behind those two and there weren 't , but off to the right there were another 20 . Henry and I talked about the antelope and we decided from the quick look we had , the one on the right was the biggest one . I settled into my ruger american 30 . 06 and turned the scope up to 12 . I was looking at the antelope just over some grass . One good breath and as I hit the end of it , I squeezed the trigger . The report sounded off and the antelope dropped out of the scope . It felt like it was a solid shot but I couldn 't tell from where I was shooting . I looked over at Henry and he said with a smile , " Lets go get him . " We cleaned him up , snapped a couple of photos , and then loaded him up into the pickup . We then drove back to Henry 's and started processing . We finished him a couple of hours later , and loaded him in to the cooler to finish the rest back at home . It was a cool - crisp Saturday summer morning on September 3rd 2011 , the first day of Montana bow hunting season . My friend Matthew Phillips and his brother Joel accompanied me to the Highwoods National Forest in search of elk . We had gone out a few times the season prior and had seen plenty of elk but we were never able to get close enough to get a good shot off on one . The archery bull tag for the Highwoods is a special draw elk tag for bow hunters . We got up to the spot where we would hike in at dark . First shooting light was around 6 : 13 am . So we wanted to be in position far before the elk started moving around for their morning feed . The first thing we did which we always do before the hike up was say a prayer for the Lord 's blessing on our day , for our safety during the hunt and , God willing , a successful hunt . The hike in was short and easy as we got into position in the pitch dark under a small patch of pine trees . As soon as the darkness started to turn a dark blue tint Matthew gave out the first bugle of the morning to see if there were any answers . The first one fell unsuccessfully without any reply . The elk talk very little in the beginning of the season before the rut starts . The cows were not chirping nor were the bulls bugling . After a few more minutes in just the waning moments of darkness early on this cool clear morning we could still see glimpses of stars shining when Matthew let out another bugle . This time we got several replies in about two or three directions . The farthest bugle was so far up the mountain that it was hard to tell just how far away it could have been . The closest reply sounded like it could have been within 300 yards away which this early in the morning on opening day is extremely close to the bottom of the mountain and quickly forced the adrenaline through our veins . As subtle light began to illuminate the peaks of the surrounding mountain tops to bring separation between darkness of the ground and the lighter tint of the sky , we waited for shooting light to arrive . SittingAfter some time we walked down to the bottom of the coulee where we believed he had ran but there was no sign of him and no blood . With nothing in sight we did not want to push him any further than he had already gone so we decided to hike back to the truck for the game cart in case we did find any sign of him . After a while at the truck we set off to find some sign of where he had gone . We came upon a path in between the aspens that we were in and the creek bed . It was a small open field . After sweeping and surveying the area we finally came upon some hope . We found my blood stained arrow which was covered from G5T3 broad head tip to nock end . It was very exciting to find this and it picked my adrenaline back up . From the spot of the arrow drop we discovered that the blood trail began . We followed the faint blood trail up the creek a ways , across the creek , into the trees , up the tree covered hillside which switched back and forth all the way up . Half way up the hillside we came upon a paper plate sized pool of curdled dark blood which was a sign that the blood was building up in his lungs . Most likely this was the spot where he had stopped to give the blood curdling last bugle after he was shot . We followed still a faint blood trail up the rest of the way , across a small clearing , into another thick tree line which was just the beginning of the thick of the forest . We followed the trail for hours and at some points we were even on our hands and knees looking for even the faintest sign of blood . By now Matthew 's oldest brother Jeff had joined us in the search . At times even finding a pin head sized blood spot kept us going to the next blood spot . After over eight hours of searching and tracking for the bull that I thought I was going to harvest , hope started to fade to a sickening feeling of defeat . The thought that I had lost this bull was overwhelming and frustrating . The perfect and ideal opening day hunt had turned into a nightmare . The last sign that we had of him was high on the mountain - side . In the thiI went home that night frustrated and disappointed . Yet , I was absolutely amazed at the survivability of this animal . I had just shot an arrow completely through the body of this massive bull elk in what I thought at the time was a vital area shot and yet he had survived . Questions and doubt were haunting me and I had trouble sleeping for the next several nights . I have always touted my belief in a good , clean , ethical kill when hunting . The thought that I would merely injure an animal that I was hunting and not be able to harvest it is a nightmare because of those hunting morals that I hold true to . There was no doubt that my arrow had gone completely through his body because it was blood soaked from tip to tip . How could anything survive that ? What incredible creatures elk are . If anything , this experience gave me much more of a respect for these animals . Five days later on Thursday , 8 September , Matthew and I decided to go out to our same spot for an afternoon hunt after work . We made it out to the woods at just after 5 : 00 p . m . which gave us just about 3 hours for the hunt . After hiking up a ridgeline halfway to the peak of the mountain top that we were shooting for we stopped to scout the open clearings . While we were glassing the peak top clearings Matthew immediately spotted a small herd in a clearing where we had spotted them while scouting before the season opener . We were in such a rush to get up to this point we never really established who would be taking the shot if we got within range . By this point we both had an opportunity to take a shot at an elk this season . We decided to take a democratic approach ; we played paper , scissors , rock . I won . So , Matthew agreed to call for me if we could get in on the herd . By this point we had only about one and a half to two hours of shooting light . We decided the only option was to sprint to the top . We took off . It was like the scene at the end of Last of the Mohicans when they were charging up the mountain side . We had no choice but to push hard . We were losingAs we approached the clearing that was through the tree line where we saw the herd we heard a bugle call out and we could tell it was somewhere within 150 to 200 yards away . Chills ran down my spine . Matthew explained that he would stay at least 80 yards behind me before starting to call to the herd . We spotted movement through the trees . Matthew got into position while I positioned myself further up in the trees edge by the clearing . I now was in full stalk mode . I knew that every movement , sound and breath I made was crucial . Matt gave out a few cow calls . A bull started barking back . Not giving a full out bugle but instead small short barks . Yet , they were loud powerful barks that emanated through the trees . As I quietly hunkered down inside the tree line I finally spotted the bull that was calling back to Matt . He was a nice mature looking bull . There was a patch of trees that the bull was hugging . This patch of trees was only a few hundred yards from the top edge of the mountain ridge in a beautiful clearing cradled in the midst of the thick forest pines . I could just make out his figure and then he walked out from behind the trees and stopped to look in our direction . I made no movement yet because he was out in the open and still about 100 yards away . Matthew did an amazing job of keeping this bull 's attention and curiosity up . It was as if I was listening to a conversation between a bull elk and a cow elk . Bothered by the call he walked into the thick forest tree line . Now out of the bull 's line of site I took this opportunity to advance my position . I gained a few more yards . Matthew continued his talking back and forth with this bull . I will never forget the resonating sound of the bark that the bull would let out . Being so close to a bull elk and hearing the sounds that they give off truly sends chills down the back of my neck making every hair stand on edge . There is no other sound like it . The daylight was quickly fading , as was my window of opportunity . I watched as the bull walked back behind the small patch of trees . At about 80 yards away , I knew that I had no choice but to try to get within shooting range if I was going to get a shot at this bull . With my Reezen nocked with an arrow I began to slowly creep up the steep incline toward this small group of trees . Moving slowly up , my thighs were burning ; not just from the hike up but also from slowly creeping up at a snail 's pace trying not to spook this bull . Adrenaline was keeping me going as I continued to stalk forward . I approached the edge of this group of trees and the bull was staring in my direction . I finally got right up behind and against a tree on the edge . The bull jerked around to the right in a short charge as if he was about to run away but he stopped . He was curious and did not know what I was . He turned back to the left with his left side facing me . All I was waiting for was for him to walk a few yards to the left and I would have a clear broad - side shot through the trees . He began to walk to the left as if he was going to head into the thick forest tree line and into cover . As he began to take his first steps to the left I drew back on my bow . Light was fading and I knew it was almost last light . If not for the fiber optic pins on my sight I would have had trouble sighting in on him . After taking a few steps he curiously stopped and looked directly at me . He was majestic , just like the bull I faced five days before . It was a perfect opportunity , as if the Lord was giving me a second chance at success in one week . Just as before , I had ranged him in my head . I put him at 60 yards . He was now perfectly broad side and looking at me . With my 60 yard pin on the same spot as before I relaxed , took a breath and let the arrow fly . It felt like minutes before the arrow reached him , the moment that took only seconds felt like forever . The arrow penetrated his side , he immediately charged to the left and into the thick tree line of the forest . After seeing him run into the tree line about 80 yards away all I could do now was listen . I heard him stop , followed by a short pause . Next , I heard branches rustling , crashing and then silence . I knew that I had just shot and taken down a beautiful bull elk . Matt was still down the hill . I wanted to yell for excitement at the top of my lungs but I composed myself . I called out to Matt and said , " Matt , I got him ! He 's down . I got him ! " Matthew later told me that at that moment when I called out to him he looked down at his watch and it was 8 : 12 p . m . , the last minute of shooting light . I shot a bull at the bottom of the mountain on opening day , just after first light and lost him . Five days later I shot a bull at the top of the mountain at last light and this time I got him . We walked into the thick tree line and found my bull with his 6X6 rack up against a tree . The most amazing part of the story is what we discovered next . While field dressing the bull we pulled out the front half of my arrow that had broken off inside him during his fall which penetrated his lungs and brought him down . Less than two inches from my arrows entry point , in his left side , was another entry wound just an inch outside of the lungs . The other wound was recent but older by only a few days . There was an exit wound on his right side that clearly was the exit wound from the older entry wound on his left side . This was the same bull that I had shot five days prior on the same mountain . I shot him twice on the left side but only the first shot from five days prior had an exit wound on the right side . Not only did the Lord give me a second chance at success , he gave me a second chance at the same bull that I had shot just days earlier . I was exuberant with joy . I would not have wanted it any other way . What a blessing this was . This truly was a hunt of a lifetime . This is one I will never forget and maybe never surpass . This wSave Every year there is a place in Montana where I apply for an archery permit because it has 75 % draw odds so I can draw it and hunt with the rest of the crew . This is one of my favorite hunts during the year , as we are able to see elk and every once in a while be able to get within bow range . This is a public land hunt , but sometimes it can seem as if it were not a public land hunt . This year I invited a friend , Kevin , to come along on this hunt and put in for the same draw for a permit . This year ended up a bit differently . We applied for the permits and then came the long wait . The months and weeks seemed to crawl by , waiting to see how our crew did with the lottery . One day , while on Facebook , I saw someone post that the permits had been drawn and were available to look at on the Montana Fish Wildlife and parks website . I went to look and after a couple of minutes , my hopes were dashed . I ended up not drawing the elk tag . After a few phone calls and text messages , I found out the rest of the party had . Since I didn 't want to miss out on this hunt though , this would essentially make me the caller for this trip . * On a side note , I would end up drawing a cow tag for the same unit , but that tag would not be a priority during bow season . Kevin ( my friend who I had apply for the unit ) , Henry ( my father - in - law ) and I packed up the camper and Kevin 's truck to go see what we could find . We pulled into the spot late on Friday and got ready for the next day . That first night is always a restless one , with the all too familiar dreams of grandeur and excitement . The morning also came with the familiar feeling of grogginess from the lack of sleep . back into them that day . The one good thing was as we split up and walked back to the truck . Henry found the best dead head of a 6X6 I have ever seen . He initially saw just the top two tines sticking up out of the mud , but as he pulled , the antlers just kept coming ! It was a neat find . The next day we saw more elk , but no luck in slipping in for a shot . That afternoon started the rain , which would continue throughout the night and into the next day . We decided to pack up the gear and headed out since the rain was really coming down . The area we were in could become a giant mudhole and we could potentially get stuck in there until it dried out some . The next week at work was fast and furious as I was attempting to get everything done in four days that I would have to take care of to be gone for 10 total . Finally Thursday night rolled around . Kevin and I would be taking his camper out so we met at his house to get all of the final items ready for us to get on the road . I kept as low as I could and eventually they turned broadside . The only issue , they were at 90 yards and I had no way of trying to get any closer . I knew we should get going , so I pushed it a bit and tried to belly crawl . Their eyes were too good and I ended up spooking them on to the neighbor 's property . The next morning we headed out and parked the truck . We moved to the top of the ridge and I let out a location bugle . To our surprise , three different bulls sounded off down the canyon . From this reaction , I figured it was going to be a good morning . We then split up from Henry and moved in closer . As we got closer to where the bulls could be , I decided to adjust some gear . Kevin was new to bowhunting and all he had this year was a hiking backpack and with every step he took , it was making a swishing sound . I had him take it off in order to kill some of the noise we might make . He grabbed a few items and we moved on forward . We moved to the edge of a field and I put Kevin into a spot I thought would be perfect if the bull kept coming . I moved off about 75 yards and set up my decoy . During this whole time the bulls were screaming bugle after bugle , getting us excited about what may be coming . I thought they were within about 150 yards and so I started cow calling since we heard a couple of cows in the mix . After a few minutes of calling , one bull seemed to be moving away , but the two other bulls were still bugling . We decided the only way to get him to come in was to get closer to the action . We pulled the decoy and moved about 300 yards down the ridge to where the drainage we were on opened up to another drainage . I then set out the decoy and started cow calling again . While I was calling this time , after about every third call , I would hear what sounded like a hoochie mama from primos . Kevin and I talked about this for a moment and we decided that we should keep calling and that the primos call was maybe a hunter but hopefully they would stay were they were at . After about 10 minutes , the bull seemed to be moving further away again . This is when I went to desperation mode and I decided to rake the tree . When I raked the tree , the bull lit back up and I started into my cow calls again . I sent Kevin down across the other side of the draw . I ended up cow calling a couple more times and then the surprise of the day happened . What we both had thought was a hunter calling using a hoochie mama , was actually a cow ! She appeared over the ridge to our right . She saw the decoy and I called again and she started coming . It was at this time I saw the bull , his antlers coming over the top of the ridge . From where Kevin was sitting , however , he couldn 't see him coming . I cow called one more time and he ripped off a bugle , which let Kevin know he was almost there . It was just after this bugle , the bull saw the decoy ( which I was sitting behind ) . Once he saw the decoy he lost his mind and he moved quickly toward the bottom of the draw and was 32 yards in front of Kevin . I saw Kevin draw and heard the bow go off and the great thwack the arrow makes when entering the body . The elk ran up the ridge a ways and then coughed out blood . I kept calling and he stopped one more time . I then packed up my gear and took my bow and strapped it to my badlands diablo dos pack . I moved across the draw and got up to Kevin . He was beside himself trying to decide what to do next . From what I had seen I told we should wait about another 15 minutes and that we should go take a look at the arrow . We found the arrow in a bush and Kevin was worried as the broad head didn 't look like it deployed . I had him hand it to me and I opened it up , to which we saw it had blood and hair on the inside . This told me we probably were going to find the bull not too far away . We moved up the hill to follow the blood trail ( although it wasn 't where I last saw the elk ) . When we moved up to where he had coughed , there was a good amount of blood . So we kept moving . At the top of the hill , there was an insane amount of blood and I absolutely knew that the bull was close . But for Kevin , he expected the bull to keep moving , as this was his first elk ever ( and with a bow ) . As we approached the top of the hill , in a dip to the left I saw the bull upside down . Just as in the hunting shows , I ended tapping Kevin on the shoulder and pointing out his bull to him . It was at this moment he lost his mind . The bull in the end ran about 200 yards but ended up only being about 100 yards away from the initial shot . Kevin had hit the main artery in the neck with his frontal shot ( which we discussed a few months earlier about where to aim ) . I gave him my phone to take pictures with and I used my GPS to find where we left his pack . From where he was located in relationship from the truck we determined to gut the elk , cut him in half and then go get the cart . The cleaning was probably the least bloody one we have ever had as most of the blood had come out of the neck . We cut between the third and fourth rib and moved the bull in to the shade . Just as we started heading up to the pickup Henry called and said to come pick him up . We responded that he should come find us and we headed up to the pickup . We got the back half loaded in to the cart and headed back up to the pickup . Just as we were about a hundred yards away from the pickup , Henry saw us loading up the back half so he joyfully sat down and watched us load the back half . In Montana the past two seasons , the state has opened up a shoulder rifle season for cow elk in certain hunting districts . In 2015 I wasn 't able to take advantage and fill one of my tags during the late season . However , I thought that this may be different this year . When I arrived in Lewistown , my father and law and I hopped in the truck and took a ride . After not seeing much that evening , we thought that there may be a group of elk that would come out on a certain piece of state property , which is irrigated and still very green . We had our plan for the morning . We woke up early about 4 am . We got dressed and got all of the gear loaded up and headed out . Along the drive about 10 miles away from the place we were planning to check out , we had 8 elk come up to the road to our right ! This is just what we were looking for . We kept driving , hoping that they were going to go to the state land we were headed to . I got out of the truck to open and close a gate . As I stepped out of the truck , I realized the temperature was already balmy , I looked when I was back in the truck and saw it was 55 degrees . As we continued forward , daylight was just breaking . We rounded the corner and saw a pickup stopped in the road . The driver opened his door and walked back to Henry and I . We waited a couple of minutes to get us to the time where we had shooting light . When it was time , we moved forward in the vehicles and then the elk saw us coming . They started moving forward and away from us . We all busted out of the trucks and the guy in the other truck got out and steadied himself for a shot . He took a shot and was able to get his elk , but we didn 't have a shot under 400 yards . The elk were now running . We didn 't have much of a chance for a shot . We ran forward to a place where we had a chance to shoot . I tried to get my rifle steady for the shot , but couldn 't get set up well , so I didn 't try for a shot . Henry and I took a minute and talked about what we thought could happen . We decided to hop in the truck and go around to the other side of the place we were hunting . We figured that the elk were going to move to the private property on the other side . We got in and started driving . About 20 minutes later , we were on the other side . We stopped the truck and get out and just started listening . Right away I heard cows mewing . I told Henry and we moved into the woods . Not 200 yards in , we see the first cow . Henry takes a shot and misses . I hear them move to my left and so I break from Henry and get into position . I hear Henry shoot again and about a minute later , I end up taking a couple off hand shots at a cow moving through the trees . I missed ! I checked the area where the elk was and confirmed my miss and then I went back to check on Henry . I found him looking for me and he said that he hit a cow well . We then went and checked where the elk he hit was standing and found good blood . We then followed the tracks and after a bit we couldn 't find any more blood . We moved forward through the woods when all of the sudden I see an elk with her head hanging lower looking at us . I didn 't have a good shot from where I was , so I tried moving to where I could get a good shot to get the cow down . During my movement , she saw me and busted out of those trees . We got in and got to work . We got her broken down into half and went to go get the cart . We brought in the cart and she was only about 700 yards from the pickup . We loaded up the back half as fast as we could and got it back to the truck and then went in for the front . We were back at the truck about 9 am and 67 degrees , headed for the processor as fast as we could . After a long couple of hours back and forth , we pulled in to the spot where we had parked that morning . We walked in and when we were 100 yards from where we got the cow , we saw the calf . Henry tried cow calling as I moved toward the calf and a tree to get a shot . I ended up setting up in a bad spot and didn 't have a shot and the calf ran off . We talked about our next plan of action . We decided to move and get our wind right and start calling . So we get set up and Henry said , " I 'm going to take a nap , wake me up before you shoot . " I start calling a couple more times and then I hear the calf respond 100 yards away in another patch of trees . I get Henry ready to call and i get my rest on a tree . There was one window I had through all of the branches and said to myself when the elk hits that spot , I need to be pulling the trigger . Henry called one more time and the calf trotted in to the opening and I pulled the trigger . I hit the calf right behind the front shoulder and it went 20 yards and laid down . I snuck over and took another shot to end it . I got to work cleaning the animal and Henry went back to get the cart . I moved the calf as far as I could by myself with the shade we had . After 15 minutes , Henry made it back and we loaded the calf up . We then were back at the truck in another 15 minutes . The temperature then , at 11 am , was 77 degrees so we were in a hurry to get him to the processors as quickly as possible . Well opening of rifle season was October 22nd and that marked the beginning of a week long " vacation " we take each year . As some of you know , we homeschool , and one of the perks of homeschooling is determining when you take vacations . A few years ago we started spending the entire first week of rifle season at my parent 's house in Lewistown , Montana . The first year , I packed up all of our school books and supplies and tried to do school while we were there . It was a flop . So now we just look forward to a week of visiting with family and hunting . My brother comes over from Washington and mom watches the kids some so I can go out and it 's a blast . I decided I am going old - school and will set these up like a photo album and fill you in as we go . Do you remember photo albums people ? That reminds me , I need to print pictures … I think I am behind by about seven years … Anyhow , we started out the week by waking up early and heading out to some BLM land . We had heard that the elk bed down there and sometimes you can catch them there before they head back over to graze on the N Bar Ranch in the morning . Dad , Bob & I hiked up a large hill through the quaker trees and the underbrush in the semi - darkness while Jonas and my cousin - in - law , Raleigh hiked up a trail to the other side of the hill . We knew also that my dad 's cousin Benny 's boys , Aaron and Logan , were up there somewhere too and found out later they were up a ways more and were overlooking the next ridge . We got set up under some trees in front of a meadow we thought they might come through as light broke . We almost immediately heard three shots further North of us and thinking that the elk might now get pushed down a coulee further that way , we relocated quickly . We continued to hear a shot here and there , but unfortunately , we didn 't get into the elk . Aaron and Logan ( along with a couple other guys ) had been able to see a herd of cows right below them once it was light and they shot a cow , which pushed the elk up Southwest of us , into a group of other hunters who shot their elk . We never did get to see them . Although once we were back at the truck and looked up the hill we had come down , we did see a large black bear run across a clearing and down into the trees . We spent the rest of that day watching other hunters … Well that 's what it felt like . It was really crazy , being the first day of rifle season . Normally the guys go down to the river to hunt and they get way back into the backcountry where there aren 't so many people . But I didn 't have a tag for that area and they were trying to let me hunt without completely abandoning my mom with the kids so we were doing more local hunting . Thus all the people . It 's hard to not have fun when you get to drive around Montana and hang out with other hunters though . We spent awhile just watching all of the movement of hunters below us as we stood on a ridge and visited with Benny , his boys and the others who had been hunting with them . And we chased coyotes and saw lots of wildlife . Anybody know this song ? Mom ? " I 'm wild and wooly and full of fleas , never been curried below the knees … I sit and howl on the lone prairie ! I 'm a _ ( What 's the answer ? ) ! " The next day we tried a different spot and ran into a whole lot of elk hanging out on private land which again was owned by the N Bar ( it feels like they own everything over there now ! ) . I hear they don 't let many people hunt on their place . But I am starting to think I need to call and ask for next year … Ok , over there in the middle of the side - hill … Do you see the herd of elk ? No ? That 's because my camera sucks . If that bothers you , keep checking back , we have plans for a new camera and your continued support of the blog will help immensely ! Well , that morning we didn 't have any luck with the elk so we decided to go back over by the colony to look for deer . We dropped off my brother , Jonas , at one end of the area we planned to hunt and we went to look up on the other end . He saw some does and a few small bucks but the one we were looking for wasn 't there . Jonas saw a few coyotes too so as we were driving to another spot dad wanted us to try we caught sight of one of the coyotes and gave chase . So the guys did end up getting a shot at the coyote but it made it to a den and dodged inside . Dad and Jonas tried to figure out how to get the coyote out of it 's den and decided they didn 't want to stick their face down in there . They dug out the front so they could look in without having to get too close and found the coyote . Jonas decided to shoot him once more with the pistol and his front half disappeared into the den . He pulled the trigger and WHUMP … the sound reverberated from out of the den and Jonas came out shaking his head . As a result the coyote moved way to the back and we weren 't able to retrieve him , but on our way out we saw Logan and told him about it . By the time he got back there , the coyote had come out and was laying dead at the opening . Meh … At least I was able to glean some entertainment from the whole deal . The next morning found us again looking at elk on the N Bar , I am serious , it 's everywhere … We were at their fence line looking back towards private land that we could hunt on the next day , but their family was hunting there over the weekend and we could go on after they had first chance . In between the private land was some BLM and we were hoping that the elk might get pushed up through there on their way to the N Bar . No luck . This here is an N Bar fence post . In those trees back there were the elk . We sat and listened to bulls bugle and cows mew for awhile as we watched them through the binoculars . It was beautiful and exciting and frustrating … We set up in a meadow that evening to wait for the elk to come back in to graze . Jonas and Dad went scouting around to see if they might run into them . I found a lot of pretty mushrooms and took some selfies . No elk . Ok the days have all started running together in my memory at this point . So here 's the wrap - up . It was fun . We saw and did SO much that week . I am going to throw a couple more pictures at you including the one with the single critter I managed to harvest all week . Thanks for joining me on my trip down memory lane ! My mama got this nice whitetail doe . She was kindly pointing out that she got her with one shot so I could show my cousin Raleigh who did not get his deer with one shot . Or two … We love you Raleigh ! Finally got something ! I got this nice whitetail buck on the last day we had to hunt . I was really pleased with this guy . He is a really nice size , antler - wise , for this area and he was a well - fed , big - bodied deer . And it was a beautiful shot , if I do say so myself . He never knew what hit him . I made one shot and he just toppled down on himself . When we gutted him we saw that the shot entirely disconnected his heart so I was really happy about that . Oh , man I just love fall . I love the colors , the smell , the way the air feels … It just has a different energy from the rest of the year . So combine that with going out to look for Bob 's antelope and going Pheasant hunting for the first time and it makes for a great time ! First I want to tell you this story … I guess about 13 years ago I had said to my dad that I wanted to hunt pheasant so my dad was on the lookout for a shotgun for me . Well , while he and my mom were in Billings she had him stop at Shopko and he went to go look at guns and was eyeing a 20 gauge they had there for $ 230 but decided not to get it . So they get ready to leave and as he goes out the door , the blue light starts flashing and the voice over the loudspeaker announces that the Remington 20 gauge is on blue light special ! Did you guys know they really did blue light specials ? And I do want to know who controlled what went on special , maybe the guy at the gun counter who saw this fella looking at a particular gun ? Anyway , dad goes back in there and the gun is on special so he goes ahead and buys it . Then when he gets home , there 's a rebate in one of his hunting magazines so he sends that in and get twenty bucks back . And now he 's got my gun . But unfortunately it didn 't get out much until now . And once you hear the rest of this , you might pity it even more ! Now for page two … ( Anybody get that ? Huh ? ) Well , anyhow Bob and I took our 4 yr old son , Robby , with us and piled in the truck with my dad and went looking for antelope at daylight . We drove out towards Grass Range to hunt out at the Ayer 's Hutterite Colony and entered the first pasture . We soon realized we had picked the wrong day to hunt that area because it was the weekend that there were cattle buyers in town and a lot of the area rancher 's were gathering up calves to ship . So as we drove in we were met with cattle semi 's , bawling cattle and horses and riders on the move . We went ahead and checked the entire area that we had permission to hunt on , but the antelope had all been pushed out into the neighboring ranches . My dad hunts two Brittany Spaniels , Joe and Dex , that are eight and ten years old so they have a lot of experience . And we have a Brittany Spaniel / Golden Retriever cross we call CC . She is almost two and this was her first time out . We really should have had her out before and we have mostly worked with her on obedience training , but she has always been pretty keen on pointing so we were hoping she hadn 't lost some of that natural instinct . As we got out of the truck , there were some Pheasant feathers on the ground and I showed them to CC and she got pretty excited and dad 's dogs started sweeping along , nose to the ground . We took off up along a draw with dad on one side and Bob and I on the other . Dad 's dog flushed a hen right away but we can only shoot roosters so we continued on . Our dog swept in and out of the long grass and brush , coming back to check in with us and then taking off again . I think she thought at first that we were just out for a nice walk when all of a sudden as she was running excitedly after a scent she surprised a hen that flew up right in front of her . She jumped up after it as it flew and then came back to us , running all out and you could see in her eyes that she knew what was up now . She became a bit more focused and followed dad 's dogs more closely as they scoured the bottom of the coulee . They scared up a few pheasant here and there and Bob and Dad got a few shots off with no luck . Day was drawing to a close and we decided to drive down and check out one more spot when dad noticed some roosters in the field off the road . Bob hopped out and intended to let me try to get around where I could try a shot too but the birds started to take off and we didn 't get a chance at them . We drove just a bit further and there was another rooster . I hopped out and he flew up right in front of me . I pumped my gun , settled it into my shoulder , squeezed the trigger … and nothing . I left my safety on . ARG ! ! ! Well , after that we saw a bunch of pheasant head across the stubble field and down towards the ravine in a different area . We still had 40 minutes of hunting time left as you can hunt 30 minutes after sunset so we set off after them . As we came up to the edge we saw them all coast down into the bottom . We had left the dogs because we had hoped to sneak up on them a little bit so we stood looking down the steep hill as they disappeared into the long grass and brush in the bottom . Then we all started to meander down the slope . Pheasant flew up here and there and dad shot two roosters . I didn 't get a shot and Bob tried for a couple . So , all in all , it wasn 't entirely successful but man was it fun . I loved tromping around with the dogs and the thrill of watching those beautiful birds fly up and hearing the whir of their wings . I can 't wait to get out again . And this time I am sure I will remember to flip my safety off . I am so excited to share this story with you today ! Courtney has a great way of telling her story and it 's an exciting hunt . I 'll turn you over to Courtney to hear what happens . I grew up rifle hunting with my dad and my brother ; I give my dad all the credit for introducing me to hunting and instilling in me a passion for being outdoors and soaking up God 's creation . I 'm so grateful that he didn 't discount me as a daughter ( hunter ) , and brought me along like a son . Some of my fondest memories are hunting trips with the two of them . Another amazing man in my life , my husband , introduced me to the archery world . He spent the majority of his big game hunting carrying a bow , and if I wanted to be hunting with him I needed to pick up a new art . After one season of his hunting without me , I couldn 't handle the amazing stories - I had to try it out . I 've been hooked ever since . There is NOTHING like a bull elk within 30 , 20 , even 10 yards of you , and his amazingly distinct bugle screaming in your face . I have had more close - up , pee - your - pants experiences with elk since I picked up the sport than I could ask for . It has been incredible . Our alarm went off at 3 : 30 am , opening morning . Maybe , just maybe , it was a little easier to get up this morning than other stupid - early - ones , simply because of opening morning excitement . But , we were still dragging . " You 're not gonna shoot a big bull elk laying in bed ! " was always my husband 's line . We met up with my brother , my other favorite hunting partner , and hit the road . We were teeming with excitement to see what the public land we had our eye on held for us this year . We had done our homework , and scouted plenty . Things seemed pretty promising , but once hunting season starts there are no promises . We have had incredible years out there , as well as flops . We parked quite a distance from our goal coulee , checked our wind , and walked across a field . While walking in , Kyle ( brother ) spotted 5 bulls feeding in a field beyond the draw . We quickly made a plan and split up . Toby ( husband ) set - up with the cow decoy on one side of the coulee , and Kyle and I headed down in and up the other side . We split up , both hoping to intercept the bulls as they grazed out of the field . As I slowly side - hilled around a corner , I could hear 2 bulls fighting . It sounded super close , so I set up near a tree that was right off of an elk highway . My heart began to pump and I started to get nervous , as I felt the adrenaline rush through my body . I have had plenty of close encounters with bull elk , and my body involuntarily remembered and began to shake . I thought , " Am I going to be able to hold still enough to shoot ? " Within a minute of standing there , I heard something splashing through some water straight downhill from me . I looked down and spotted a spike bull , wading through the small puddle in the creek below and crossing to the other side . Soon another followed him . And another . I couldn 't believe it . Now what do I do ? Stay where I hear 2 bulls sparring , and am hoping they will come ? Or get down to the water ? I decided the water was obviously where they were traveling , and as quickly and quietly as I could , snuck down over a small cliff and through a carpet of noisy pinecones . The whole time , I had to be mindful of the spikes across the canyon from me , and keep trees between their eyesight and my movement . I found a great little opening , pulled up my rangefinder , and found that I was still 60 yards from a shot to the other side of the water where they were coming out . Sixty is beyond my range , so I planned to try to get down a little lower . I glanced up to check my surroundings , and another bull ( 5 or 6 point ) had busted me . He was standing above me ( on the trail I had just left ) staring me down . He quickly turned around and left , as quietly as he had snuck up on me . It constantly amazes me how quietly such a large animal with 4 hooves can move through a wooded area . A little bummed , I returned to my plan to move down . I reassessed my position : I was now 40 yards from the other side , which was perfect . I started to range spots around me , when something caught my eye off to the left . Another bull was quickly moving toward the water below me . It wasn 't moments after I saw him that he walked behind some bushes / trees , and I instinctively drew my bow ( I 've made the mistake of being busted with my draw too many times ) . This bull didn 't walk through the water , and made the deadly choice to walk my side of it , at 19 yards . As he crept into the open area in front of me , I let my arrow fly . He took off like a dart , and I immediately started cow calling with my diaphragm call . It was thick enough off to my right that I had He had had his own circus with bulls up above me , and thought at the sound of my wild calling that he had busted everything out . He was bummed . I was pumped . I quietly shared my tentative excitement . We devised a plan to let my bull be for a bit , and to meet up with Tob and head back to the truck . Once there , we optimistically grabbed the pack frames and loaded up for a pack - out - trip . We decided to walk the draw from the east end of the public land , in hopes that if we jumped him he wouldn 't run off " huntable " land . I took the middle , and Kyle and Tob took either side of me as we worked the draw up toward the spot where I had shot . About 150 yards from where my arrow flew , I heard a cow call being used like a kazoo ; Tob had spotted my bull , who was down and done - for . What a relief ! I immediately gave the Lord thanks , and jumped in the air like a little girl . Last year , I was devastated after an amazing hunt and good shot left us tracking a bull for a night and a day . We never recovered him . Unless you have had that experience , you don 't even know how close to hanging up your bow it leaves you . So , my relief and excitement were beyond explanation ! My first bull with a bow ! We celebrated , went back to the spot where I shot him , and tried to " track him " back to where he was laying for fun . Using the gutless method , we cut out as much meat as we could and loaded up the pack frames . Thank goodness for those two men . It wasn 't mountain hunting , but it still wasn 't easy . We hiked up the cliffs of the draw ( which was not fun ) , and then about 1 mile out to the truck ; the guys both had about 100 lbs on their back , and I was sucking wind and proud with my antlers and all the non - quartered meat . |
I will begin with last night . I knew that I was going to have to get up early this morning . . . 4 : 30 AM to be exact . I got everything I needed together . I put all my clothes out : compression shorts ( to prevent the chafing , mostly ) , running shorts with pockets , sports bra , running socks , running shoes and technical t - shirt . I got my water bottles for my FuelBelt filled up , my daughter put those in the refrigerator after screwing on the lids . I was set for the early wake - up ! I didn 't fall to sleep until after midnight . NERVES ! I always suffer from them the night before . It is too bad I can 't bank sleep for nights like that ! The alarm went off much sooner than I would have liked it to . My husband alerted me and I jumped out of bed . I came downstairs and put on all the clothes that I had ready . I went back upstairs and found some deodorant to put on . I had thought I put that with everything else I would need in the morning . It is one thing I never want to forget on a normal day , let alone on a day when I would be doing a crazy amount of exercise . I poured myself a bowl of Golden Grahams . I ate those . I grabbed my water out of the refrigerator , put it in the FuelBelt . Got my license and $ 20 and put it in my FuelBelt just in case I might need either of them . I grabbed the car keys and out the door I went . It was about 5 AM . By the time I got to where the buses were to be loading it was 5 : 15 AM . We had received notice that the buses would be loading between 5 and 6 AM . The last bus would leave promptly at 6 AM , not 6 : 01 AM , so don 't be late ! I didn 't want to be late , so I got there in plenty of time . Then I waited , and waited , and waited . Along with many other people . The buses arrived about 6 : 15 AM . I was lucky enough to get on the first two buses so I didn 't have to wait any longer . We arrived at the starting point around 6 : 45 AM , our race was supposed to start at 7 AM . Due to the fact that the other two buses got lost on their way back to the pickup point for everyone else , the race was delayed until 7 : 20 AM . By this point , the sun was over the mountains and directly in front of us . It was already warm . The low for today was 70 and the high was in the 90s . I think it was in the high 70s by the time we started . By the time I finished , I would say it was near , if not in , the 90s . I had planned to break my previous half - marathon time . That time was in October 2009 . It was 2 : 33 : 55 . A few things I learned today . . . a forty degree difference is huge ! When I started the half - marathon in 2009 , there were a few snowflakes falling . I was in a pair of running capris and two long - sleeved running shirts , just to stay warm . I took one of them off and wrapped it around my waist on that run . Today , I was in as little clothing as possible and it still wasn 't cool enough ! I would not ever run in just my sports bra , but I seriously wished that I would today . It would have been really nice if I had a great sports bra in my swimsuit , because I think I would have worn that today to run in ( just kidding , kind of ! ) . Forty degrees is huge , I think it i was the difference between cramping up and not cramping up . I didn 't cramp at all during the race in 2009 , I was cramping by the time I got to mile marker 6 today . I have run marathons in the past , and never started cramping up until mile marker 16 and 18 . Those were in Sept 2010 and Nov 2010 . I learned today that I will never attempt anything longer than a 10K between the months of May and August . I can 't begin to tell you how hot it was . High 80s , low 90s is hot enough when I am not doing anything , but when I add running to the mix , it is a whole new beast . I knew I had to listen to my body today . As much as I wanted to run the whole way , there was just no way I could do it . I think that I might have been found passed out or dead next to the road if I had tried to . The walking began when the cramping began . I would run and walk after that , as necessary . It was more walking than running . Last week , after the 10 mile run , I was sure I had this without any problem . I am a novice when it comes to the heat . I always tried to beat the heat for the long runs . Perhaps I should have done the runs at the hottest time available ? I finished in around three hours . I am not sure of the official time yet . I guess that will be posted as late as Monday . Although I came nowhere close to breaking my PR for the half - marathon , I am happy that I finished on my own two legs . When I crossed the finish line , I heard the director discussing that they were waiting for an ambulance . A woman , who looked like she is in her 20s , was wheeled off on a gurney by the ambulance . She looked very pale and not to be doing very well , her eyes were closed . I said a prayer for her and hope that everything ends up okay for her . I am thankful for a body that I am able to get out and run with . I know that it is a blessing , although it doesn 't always feel like it , to be able to exercise . There are many people that physically cannot run , be it a short or a long distance . I never take my privilege to run for granted . There are many times that I wish I could run faster , but I am thankful that I am able to exercise . I hope to be able to continue to run and get better at it . My husband got lost on his way to the finish line . I am glad I didn 't ! He was in a car , so I don 't feel horribly bad for him : ) My husband and children were not there when I crossed the finish line . I think this is the first longer race I have finished where I didn 't have a family member there to cheer me on at the end . It was kind of sad to not see them there , but it is understandable . I drank some Powerade and water and had an orange slice and a Fatboy ice cream sandwich while I waited . When they got there , we took some pictures and then went to the Hibachi Buffet for lunch . I had some sushi , salad and sweet and sour chicken . I then came home , took a cold bath , and then took a nap . I look forward to another half - marathon , but it will not be done in the heat of the summer ! The Family Before a Training Run Last Monday , when we arrived at the local park to get in a run , I wanted to get a picture of my children and I . They were going to be training for their 5K run and I had to get in my three mile run . I was going to be running the circles around the park with my daughter in her jogger . My husband took the picture . I am getting used to wearing my hat while I run . The half - marathon I am running in will start at 6 : 30 AM and I will be running east . I figure it will be good to have something to keep the sun out of my face . I get awfully hot running with that hat on , but I think it will do me good ! It also keeps the sweat out of my eyes . We will all be running a 5K or a two - miler on September 7th . I am not sure what the distance of the race is yet . It will be a church activity , so it will be free , and they will feed us breakfast ! I was looking at other races that would end up costing us $ 125 if we were all going to run together . I prefer free ! I have been looking forward to running with my children since I started running in 2010 . We will do a practice two mile run on Friday , and then we will all go out to eat at a Chinese buffet after my half - marathon on August 31 . When I completed my other half - marathon in October 2010 , we all went to a Chinese buffet with sushi . That is what we will do this time . My children have been making good progress with running . I look forward to many years of being able to run with my children and my husband . For me , running is relaxing . I am excited to have this time to work toward teaching my children to enjoy running and not look at it as something they HAVE to do , but rather something they look FORWARD to doing . This morning I got up and knew I had to get in a run . Although I would have rather stayed here and slept , I went upstairs and started hunting down my running clothes . I had to decide what I was going to wear . I found my compression shorts and a pair of shorts to wear over those . The compression shorts are nice because it covers my legs where the rub together so it prevents chafing . I never experienced chafing until two weeks ago , and then I realized that I never want to experience it again . I guess that running 8 - 10 miles in shorts can cause that problem if your thighs rub together , and mine do . I got myself ready , gathered up my Grape Powerade Zero , filled my FuelBelt water bottles , put them in the FuelBelt , grabbed a cell phone and off I went . I drove to Steed Park and on the way there , I had a feeling that I shouldn 't run passed the one mile mark , which is where the first road is that I would have to cross . I had originally left the house planning to run five miles one way , and then the five miles back , for a total of ten miles . It is much less tempting for me to stop and go home if I am five miles away from my car . When I got to the park , I walked to my starting point , then called my husband to tell him what my plan was . I was going to run back and forth between 300 N and 1300 N five times , which would total ten miles . I thought it would seem to go a lot faster . I don 't know why I thought that , because it didn 't seem to go fast at all . The nice thing was that this area has the most amount of shade . The further away I get from the park , the less shade there is . At the beginning of my run , within the first 300 yards , there was a dog fight . I couldn 't tell what the dog was attacking , I thought it could be a child so I ran faster toward it to see what I could do . The dog was attacking another dog , thankfully . Not that I want a dog to be attacked , but I surely don 't want to see a child attacked . The attacking dog had slipped its leash and went after a dog that was on a leash . The leashed dog was quickly checked over by one of its owners and I 'm guessing her teenage daughter was told to take the dog and go . The owner of the attacking dog was apologizing profusely . They said everything was okay when I asked , they were just trying to get the dog back on its leash . I continued my run . I was glad that there was no more attacks . I have to say that running back and forth does tend to get quite monotonous . I saw a couple older gentlemen riding their bicycles . One commented to me , " How much water do you need ? " We were just kidding back and forth at this point . I enjoy the interactions . They rode on as I turned around to start on my fifth mile . I saw them again at about 7 . 5 miles . The first one that had spoke to me said , " There is the water bottle girl . " At about the seven mile mark another older gentleman on a bicycle passed me and told me I was doing a good job and to keep it up . I said thanks . It is wonderful to get some positive feedback on a training run , especially when you feel like you could fall over at any given second . I still had three miles to go ! I had passed a couple on a walk a few times , when I was getting near the seven mile mark , the man asked me how many times I was running back and forth . I told him five . He gave an uplifting statement , but I forget exactly what he said . On my way back passed them , I said , " One more time . " By the time I got to the eight mile mark , I just wanted to quit . I had to give myself a pep talk . Mostly just saying that I have to do 13 . 1 next week , so I can do ten miles this week . It must have worked because I finished the ten miles . I was sooooo happy when it was done . It took me a little over 2 hours and 16 minutes , but I finished it , and that is what matters . One week until my half marathon . I think I am going to be ready ! I am excited to get it done , and I have to start looking for another one ! : ) Posted by Today was a ten mile run . Well , it was supposed to be a ten mile run . Today was a two mile run . I waited until way too late to start my run . 10 : 00 AM shouldn 't be way too late , but with how hot it is around here , it was . I had decided to run around my block 16 times . By the time I had finished 3 times around , which is 2 miles , I was a sweaty mess . There is very little shade around my block . It was horrible . On my third time around , one of my fellow church members , who is an older gentleman , told me to not overdo it . I took that to heart . As the sweat was dripping , I imagined that one of my parents would have said the same thing to me . My parents aren 't here to tell me to be careful , so I need to listen to the advice of others around me . I would love to get in the other eight miles later this evening , when it has cooled down . I figure if I start by 6 : 30 I should be okay to get it in . We shall see . I had my baby at the ER last night and didn 't get home until 1 AM , which made it nearly impossible for me to get up at a decent time . I didn 't fall to sleep until well after 2 AM . I would have been ill - advised , I believe , to wake up and run being exhausted . The ER doctor couldn 't pinpoint exactly what was wrong with her . She spiked a fever of 101 degrees , she has a cough , and a runny nose , she was in apparent pain when she was trying to go to sleep . She could just be teething , I suppose . She is still missing four teeth . My brother called her the " anti - vampire . " It is those teeth that she still hasn 't gotten . I didn 't want to run the trail today , because I wanted to be close to home in case my husband needed me . It makes it way too easy for me to stop running when I pass my house each time around . I hope to be able to state that later that I did eight more miles , we shall see ! Posted by Yesterday was my five mile run for the week . I waited until evening , when it had cooled off a bit . I made my announcement that I was going for my run . My husband asked if I was bringing the little one . I decided that I better get used to running with her again . My children start school soon , so I am hoping to get my runs in earlier in the day . I got her ready to go and put her in the van . I checked and made sure that the jogger tires were inflated . I have gotten to the park too many times and had them flat . I didn 't want to get there again and have to turn around because my husband wasn 't there to watch her while I ran . We got to the park , I got her strapped in and we walked over to the trail . At the trail , the run started . She was okay for a little while . I think she was enjoying it actually . She always enjoys seeing the birds . The first time we had to stop at a light was when it started to get bad . She wanted out of the jogger , in the worst way . I took a swig of my water and gave it to her . She drank some of it , while I ran across the street since we had the walk sign . When I got to the other side of the street , I stopped so she could finish drinking . Then I took the water bottle . I think she expected that she could get out of the jogger when I stopped . The bad news was , we were only 1 . 5 miles into a 5 mile run . She stiffened her little body right out . She thought that maybe that could get her out . I know my children well enough that if I let her out , I would never get her back in . So , she objected for quite a while . For about a mile , to be exact . She loves to see the moon . The moon was behind us on the run , so she couldn 't see it when we were running north . When it was time to turn around at 2 . 5 miles , there it was . She started saying " moon , moon " in her own way . I know that it is moon . At about the three mile mark , I saw some cows , in someone 's backyard . Where I grew up , you couldn 't keep cows in your backyard . I said to my daughter , " Look at the cows . " She was looking around , but really had no clue where she should be looking . I stopped the run and turned the jogger in the direction of the cows . I then said , " Moo , moo . " She said " Moo , moo . " She wasn 't amused when I started the run again . A little further down the trail , when we got pretty close to 3 . 5 miles , my daughter took out her earrings . I stopped and took them away from her , so they wouldn 't get lost . I started running again . She was not happy at all by my decision to take them back . I told her I 'd put them back in , but she had to leave them there . She turned her head , I put it in , then she turned to the other side and I got that one in to . She did leave them there . The daylight was turning to dusk and I still had 1 . 5 miles to go . I was trying to decide if I should get off the trail and run on the road by the time I got to 1 mile . I saw other people on the trail ahead of me , so I decided I could continue on the trail . We made it the last mile and still had daylight to spare . When we got back to the park , I saw my husband and children . My two sons ran the rest of the way with me , about . 2 mile . I love running with my children . I really enjoyed the run with my little one . It is nice to take little breaks to let her see things that I know she would enjoy . On my run last weekend , at close to 4 miles , I saw a pig , some sheep and some rams . I think the children would really enjoy that , but I think I would have to drive there and show them . I can 't imagine that any of them would want to go that far right now . I ran two miles this afternoon . It was blazing hot . . . in the 90s . I just wanted to get it done . I think next time I will wait til it cools down ! This morning I woke up at a little after 8 am , knowing I had a nine mile run ahead of me . I couldn 't fall to sleep until after 1 am , because I knew I had a nine mile run ahead of me . This would be the furthest I had run since November 2010 . Nerves , yes . . . . I had never been nervous before a long run , I don 't know why I was last night , but I was . I had thought about doing the run last evening , just so I could stop thinking about it . I had been thinking about it all day . I knew I would think about it most of the night . The only thing , to be honest , that kept me from doing the nine miles last night , is that I had run five miles the night before . I needed to give my body some rest . After all , I am still recovering from the bronchitis . Before I left the house , I remembered to use my inhaler . I was proud of myself for that . I grabbed my Orange Powerade Zero out of the refrigerator . I grabbed a Snickers with Almonds from the food storage . Then it was time to get the FuelBelt . I grabbed my fuel belt that still had the three bottles in it . None of the lids were with it . I haven 't used the FuelBelt since at least Feb 2011 . I was glad I could find the bottles . I was really hoping I could find the lids . It took me a few minutes and then I located the lids in the silverware drawer , toward the back . I was set . When I bought my FuelBelt , I bought a little pouch that goes on it as well . I bought this to keep my car key and some cash when I thought I might need it . I bought it when I still lived in New York . Enough people knew me back in my hometown that I knew I didn 't need to carry identification . Not so here . I wrote my name , phone number , address and that I have asthma and put it in my pouch . I filled up my bottles with water and put them back in the FuelBelt . Then I headed out the door . As I walked out the door , I told my husband where I would be running . I drove to my starting point . I took some sips of my Powerade , strapped on my FuelBelt , put the cell phone in my pocket , and then walked to the trail . I turned on my stopwatch , hit start , and started running . It was a beautiful morning . A little overcast , temperature in the mid 70s . I always have some anxiety about running outside . I worry about wild animals , not - so - wild animals ( dogs and cats ) , and people that might be thinking about committing a felony . My fear of cats is that they will pounce and start clawing me . My fear of dogs is that they will chase me and bite / maul me . My fear of a pack of dogs is they will eat me . My fear of wild animals is that I have no chance if they get me , if it is a large one , like a cougar , wolf or coyote . My fear of smaller wild animals is that they have rabies or they are poisonous . I think the fear of people wanting to commit a felony is quite self - explanatory . I don 't want to be the object of their felonious desires . I ran and ran and ran . There were the crossroads as mentioned in previous posts . I get to stop sometimes and catch my breath for a little while . I had never run past the four mile mark , until today . Today I discovered that there isn 't a crossroad at 4 . 5 miles . Which made things interesting . I ended up running 9 . 25 to 9 . 5 miles . Today 's run took 1 : 56 : 00 . I have started to recognize some fellow Saturday trail users . We say hello or wave and share a quick smile . Some people give me a thumbs up . Others tell me I 'm doing a great job . It is nice to get encouragement . I have started to practice positive self - talk . When I start thinking that I should just start walking , I tell myself that it is psychological . That my legs are good and they can do this . I tell myself that I have run much further in the past and this is really nothing compared to that . I keep on going . I sprint the last quarter - mile . I like to finish as strong as I can . I like to leave it all out there . I am mostly excited to get back to my car and go home ! Posted by I was supposed to run five miles last night and two miles tonight . Instead , I went and visited some good friends with my family . I enjoyed my visit with them a lot . It had been too long since we had seen them . I decided , since it was getting dark , that I would do the two mile run last night and the five mile run tonight . My kids , my husband and I , went to the Park . They were doing their training for the 5K , along with my brother - in - law . I had planned to run five miles , even after arriving at the park . As the winds picked up , and it got darker by the minute , I decided that two miles would do . When I finished my run and caught up with everyone else , my brother - in - law asked me , I 'm sure sarcastically , if I had finished my five miles . It made me laugh . I told him I would do my five miles tomorrow . If I had finished five miles in 22 minutes , it would mean I was dead , and it was my spirit cruising around the park . I decided that I would run today as soon as my husband got home from work . I have developed insomnia ( self - diagnosed ) since I have been waiting to run until it cools off . I think my body needs a nice long time to wind down after a run . I figured that I would get it done early and see how I sleep tonight . It is kind of important to get a good night sleep with four little ones running around the house . I jumped on the trail and off I went . The crossroads are every 1 / 2 mile . It makes it easy to know how far I have run . The bad part is needing to cross the roads . Sometimes people are really nice and stop their car so you can run . let you go . Other times , not so much . It just depends on the person . I am always one of the people that will stop so a runner can go , probably because I know how it is to just stand there wondering when it will be my turn . Tonight 's run was quite profitable . While I was running , I found a five dollar bill . Since it was pretty much in the middle of nowhere , there wasn 't anyone to ask if it was theirs . I always try to find the person that lost it , if in a store , I turn it in to customer service , if in a school , I turn it into the office . There is just nowhere to turn it into , so I kept it . I saw a hawk grab a little rodent . It was a gray rodent . Since I never see squirrels around here , I assume it was a rat , because it was bigger than a mouse . It landed in a tree about 30 miles ahead of me . I was not amused . I have a vivid imagination , such as , what if it thinks I will try to grab its food and decides to attack me with its massive claws ? What if it drops the thing on me ? Neither one sounded horribly appealing . When I got pretty close , the hawk did drop the food . I ran even faster . I didn 't know if the rodent was still alive or dead , but I didn 't want to get chased by an injured rodent . My run tonight was just seconds over an hour , including all the stops , needing to wait for my turn to cross the street . My next run is Saturday . I will have to get to it early , since my sisters will be arriving in early afternoon : ) I am really excited to see them ! I decided that I should try to sweat whatever of the bronchitis out that I have left . I found that it doesn 't really work that way . Running just added some to the cough , but I managed to survive . Yesterday was a four mile run . I thought that I could do this . I actually knew I could . I told my husband I had to do it regardless of how I felt . That is what I did . I felt like doggie doo , but I wasn 't feeling too good sitting around gaining weight either . Of the two alternatives , I would rather run and feel like doggie doo , than to sit around and feel like doggie doo . I laced up my running shoes at around 7 : 30 pm , gathered my family together , and off we went . I pushed the toddler in the jogger for 2 / 3 mile , then handed her off to my husband , jumped on the trail after running a mile , and did the next three miles . Those four miles took me 46 . 5 minutes , but I did them . This was really the first exercise I had done all week . I felt it almost every step I took . Lungs burning , sweat pouring , the coughing , but it was done . At the end of the run , as I coughed up what might be a complete lung , I felt good . I felt satisfied that I got out there and ran . I felt good that my children got to play at the playground again while I ran . I felt good that my toddler finally got out of the house to play . I felt bad for her that she had been pretty much locked up in the house . She loves getting outside . This next week is going to be a hard one . The long run on Saturday is ten miles . I will be able to get it done . I just need to remember to use my inhaler before I leave the house . I think that might have helped a lot yesterday ! I am a wife , mother , daughter and sister . These are the most important roles in my life . I enjoy blogging about my family and about my training for races . The training blog helps keep me motivated . |
When I found out that I did have breast cancer for sure and had started making all the appointments for all the other Dr 's . I kept trying to call Diane in between all the phone calls … but she never did answer the phone for that whole week . We do live less than a 1 / 2 mile from each other , and if I didn 't tell her about my diagnosis soon I was going to have a huge melt down . I was trying so hard to keep it together so I didn 't make everyone else lose it while I gave them my awful news . I couldn 't wait anymore so I got into my wheel chair and pushed myself on over to her house a few streets away . She was on the phone when I went into her kitchen to find her and as soon as she hung up with whoever she was talking to she looked at me and said " you have cancer don 't you . " , I shook my head yes and we sat down to drink coffee and talk for a while . She told me that she had purposefully been ignoring my calls because she couldn 't take hearing if for sure . Anyway , we have had some people offer to help out around the house or just sit and read with me because my eyes don 't focus very well anymore . But for every ten people who offered to help us out only one or two actually came to help at all . I know people mean well when they offer help but that 's not something that anyone should take lightly . I really did need the help that was offered but we ended up going without or just doing the best we could to keep the house looking at least partially clean . Especially now when I have a 24 hr cough that never goes away . I couldn 't handle getting any more health problems . Here where I live we 've been getting a lot of dust in the air ( even inside through the filters ) . When my sister Elaine decided to come to visit and stay with me , literally at my side , she did everything she could do to take care of me . She was amazing at remembering when all of my meds were due and she jumped awake every time I had a coughing fit in the middle of the night . Again I 'll never remember everything that she did but I could never thank her enough . When Elaine went back home last month my bff Diane literally moved into my guest room so that she and Rick could take turns taking care of me when I needed someone to help me . Between the two of them I 'm well looked after . I had trouble all along with letting anyone help me take a bath but I 've been told to only move when I absolutely have to . I broke down and with the help of a shower chair Diane has now seen all the scars from all the missing body parts and procedure scars . She 's been my friend for about 27 years now and I 've never let her see all old my scars so I thought she might be a little shocked , she wasn 't and I now have baths more often that I could before . That 's not all she does . I won 't give you a list but she and Rich are taking turns with doing everything in the house , except when Jesse 's friend Danny stays over night to listen for my cough ( Jesse works nights ) and Rick and Diane are running on empty . I wish that I could do more than say thank you to them all the time but I think that I make it very clear how appreciative that Diane left her own family at her house and came here to care for me . For those of you who understand bc lingo , it 's 6x9cm now and counting . My lungs are giving me a problem , but only when I want to breath so I 'm working on holding my breath as long as I can at a time . I have to get back into bed now . I can 't believe that writing takes all my energy right out of me . My one and only thing left that I really love to do and it 's slowly fading away … just like everything else it seems . I 'm trying to stay in a good mood and since I 've needed him home all the time I decided that Rick should accept an invitation to go our for crab legs . He loves that kind of food but I never did so he 's probably missed out on a whole lot of having it for dinner . I promised him I would still be alive when he came home and scooted him out the door . He really deserves a night with a friend right now . Jan29 Yesterday I wasn 't doing very well and I was in a terrible amount of pain . Normally I would be able to push the button on my IV pain meds and then I would feel a little bit better . When I push that button it gives me a whole hours worth of pain meds all at once . I know that I have a nurse coming this morning to set up a new IV bag so I figured I would just wait for her to come and tell her that my pain button wasn 't working for the extra pain meds . I guess it was about 9pm last night when everything on my IV meds quit working at all . The only pain meds that I take are in that bag so I hadn 't been getting pain meds for hours before I knew what was happening and I had to call my nurse late last night to ask her to come to my house right away and fix it . She was yawning when I was telling her on the phone what was happening , but she came right over . I told her that I was really sorry that I had called her at home after she had worked all day but she made me feel better about calling her . I like my nurse … she understands what the pain can do to people . She ended up having to take the needle out of my port and insert a new needle and luckily the new one flushed perfectly . I was in so much pain by the time that she had it working right again that I actually felt the pain meds go into my body , normally I wouldn 't feel the pain meds at all . I asked her why that would happen and she said that I was moving around too much . I hardly do anything at all and now just taking a bath is a big deal . I don 't know how I can do less that I already do . I think I 'll spend my time watching a movie this morning so I don 't try to clean anything because I know I 'll hurt myself if I do . I do have a box of M & Ms and a pot of fresh coffee to comfort me . My best friend Daine was here for days doing dishes and cleaning my floors so I think that just watching her do all the work that she did was what hurt me . I did probably do one or two things without realizing I was doing anything at all because she was doing so much . I don 't know how she has put up with me for twenty seven years ( I think ) , but she 's the only reason that my house looks as good as it does . Thank you Daine ! I hope you 're coming back soon , but for visiting or watching a movie or something . Nov19 I am unwillingly going to take a vacation for a little while , just until I can either get my computer fixed or find a nice cheap used one that will do what I need it to do … which isn 't very much really . Normally , I write a post every morning while I have my coffee and M & Ms , but I think that I 'm going to have to take a break for a little while . Not that I want to … because I really don 't . I just don 't have a choice . Not too long ago , I caught the cord of my head - set on the front of my wheelchair , I didn 't realize that I was tangled up in it before I started to back away from my desk and saw that my computer tower was slowly tipping over . It literally looked like is was falling in slow motion so I didn 't panic and try to catch it , I thought that if I did that I might do more harm than good . So , I held the cord to the head - set and tried to let the tower down as slowly as possible . Even when the tower made its way all the way to the floor it didn 't make much of a sound at all , and nothing looked damaged at all … not even the head - set cord had anything wrong with it . I went to refill my coffee , which was what I was trying to do to begin with , and I came back to write my morning post . Everything was going along as usual until I realized that I was hearing a very loud beep coming from the computer tower . I had no clue wait is was , and after writing a few more lines I decided that I might have shaken something lose in the tower and that I should just save my blog post for later and re - start the computer . I shut it down and tried to restart it … but something went very wrong . I must have done something really bad for it to not even be able to start Windows . I begged my husband , although he didn 't want to do this at all , to open the tower and just look to see if there was anything obvious … like a loose wire , or something unplugged that he could just fix and I could get back to my writing . Nothing found , and he gave up . My little brother knows pretty much everything about computers , but he has a very demanding job as well as a family with two little kids , so you can see why I wouldn 't want to ask him to check out my problem . I didn 't want him to feel obligated and possibly miss out on anything important . Rick did ask Jason if he could take a look at it , and I was given very bad news about my little computer friend . When it tipped over , the hard drive was running … now I can 't fix it . It 's going to have to have a new hard drive installed , or I 'll have to find a very cheap pc . I love my computer . It isn 't anything expensive or difficult to use , it 's an e - machine . I don 't ever do anything but write my blog posts , check my fb , and talk to some other women with breast cancer online . I have no need for anything fancy , actually I think a fancy computer would simply be wasted on me . I just need to find a way to fix my sad little broken pc . I 'll look around and price some hard drives , hopefully because of the holidays they will be on sale somewhere . So , I 've been using Rick 's gaming pc every morning , I usually wake up three or four hours before he does , so that I don 't get in his way . No problem there . Jesse has been needing to use Rick 's pc too lately to look for a job ( she didn 't like the ones she had , too much drama ) but she stays up late at night and now Rick has things on his computer that he doesn 't want there ( no , it 's not porn or anything vulgar ) . I told him if he didn 't want anyone on his pc when he isn 't awake then he should change the password . He changed the password right before he went to bed ( the night before last ) , and when he woke up he had no clue what he had changed it to . We 've tried everything to reset the password , the computer , and even called the manufacture . They said that all they can do is send him a disk in the mail that should help him fix the problem . I don 't think I 'll ever agree to use his computer again . Somehow , even though I was asleep when he changed the password , it 's still all my fault . And everyone else 's fault too . He 's very , very touchy about his gaming pc because he waited years to be able to have one . I totally get why he 's so upset about all of this right now . But I did find out that he now remembers changing the password to one that I could easily remember … but he never told me what it was ? Hmmm Nov17 I never have been one to make a big deal about Christmas … but Rick waits all year for it so I try to go along with whatever he wants to do . We did get some very exciting news yesterday that is going to make the holidays much happier for my family . We didn 't win the lottery or anything like that , but we did find out that our lives are about to start getting back to normal if all goes well from here on out . After Rick was hit by a car while unloading his truck at work we had to get a lot of lawyers involved . Three different firms have been helping with getting him the compensation that he deserves , as well as all the medical treatments that he 's had to have for the past few years . A few days ago we found out that worker 's comp wanted him to go back to work and they also agreed that he has a permanent partial disability that will limit what kind of work he 'll be able to do for the rest of his life . I know that I mentioned in an earlier post that Rick thought he might like to go back to working in management of a telemarketing company , and he also wants to work some place where he can put to good use all the experience that he has from being in a truck . Now he 's able to start actually going on interviews . Yesterday his own Dr agreed that Rick is able to start working again , as long as he starts off only working part - time with limitations . We were told that for the first six months he 'll have to also go to physical therapy and have massage therapy to help with the pain of getting used to a work setting . What was funny was that both when the nurse walked in , and then also when the Dr came in , they both came straight to me , took my hand , and asked how I was doing . Rick finally said something after the Dr did it too . Sorry babe , but I 'm just more important . jk 😉 We really thought that this was going to be a very sad Christmas because we simply won 't have any way to go and get any gifts for our kids … let alone all the rest of the family and friends that we would normally get a gift for . It 's not that we ever were rich , far from it , but we always managed to find a way to give a little something to everyone . The year before last my mother and I spent two weeks straight baking every kind of cookie we could think of for the family , and everyone else we could think of also received a nice dish of assorted goodies . Chocolate dipped pretzels were the easiest to make so I loved doing those . Mom likes to make candy so we also had a few hundred home - made peanut butter cups … a lot of those ended up at my house because they 're Rick 's favorite . But , last year we didn 't have enough money to buy all the ingredients to make as much as the year before , not to mention that I spent most of November and December in the hospital having surgeries , so I couldn 't help mom bake . I was released from the hospital after my mastectomy late on Christmas day . I missed all the good stuff . Rick did bring me a tiny little Christmas tree in the hospital with a few of my gifts from the family to put under the tree , so I know that I wasn 't forgotten … but it 's never the same as being home with the family . The nurses wanted to know if he had a single brother . I doubt that I 'll be able to do much , if any , shopping this year , but I do have the knowledge that everything can and will start getting back to normal . I don 't have a clue how long we 'll have to wait for the lawyers to finish with all the final details , it usually takes another six months to find out what the end result will be . But in the mean time , Rick can get back to having somewhat of a normal life again . I love having the house to myself when he 's working , and I know that working makes him feel so much better about himself . None of this was in any way his fault , and I feel bad for him that he 's had to go through any of it . So this year Christmas , although it won 't be back to normal just yet , will be a time when we can at least be happy about life again . All the endless medical crap with both of us has definitely taken a huge toll on all of us , but now we have something to look forward to again . It 's been a long time since I could think about anything in the future and he happy about it . This year we have a Grand Daughter coming , Rick will be working again , and hopefully in a few months we can start slowly paying back all the family that 's been helping us , and if we play our cards right we might even be able to find a few small gifts for under the Christmas tree . This is the one that Rick wants to put up this year . He thinks that he can cut a branch of of out front patio tree and put his favorite little blue ball on it too . For the past twenty five years Rick has managed to hide a blue ball somewhere on the tree , no matter what colors I use for the rest of the decorations . He says it 's ' special " to him . I think it 's funny . Justin and Ashley made it to NC , where Rick 's little sister lives , and they 'll be staying there with her for a little while so that they can find new jobs and save enough money to get their own place after the baby comes . I do wish they had moved back to Arizona , but I know that they will be in good hands with Rachael . She always has done her best to help out all of her nieces and nephews when she could . She takes after her father in that way and many others . He was a great man . Rick is hoping that we 'll be able to go and see our Grand Daughter when she 's born , but I don 't know if we 'll be able to just yet . Like I said , it could be a very long time before we see a penny from him being hurt . But at least we know that this whole bull shit legal thing will be over soon . I just hope that I 'm feeling well enough to travel that far . I walked a long way yesterday on my crutches to Rick 's Dr and now I 'm paying for it this morning … . but it was a well wort it trip . Nov14 So , yesterday afternoon I was out side on the patio talking to Rick about his appointment Thursday with the lawyers , and I asked him what the date was . I never do know what day of the week it is and most of the time I can 't remember what day of the month it is either . He told me the date and I suddenly remembered that I had something to do . I looked in my purse for any appointment cards and found on from my pain center with a time of 1 : 45 yesterday afternoon . I called my mom and asked her to take me , because my car needs to have repairs done , which I can 't afford right now , and she made sure that I was there on time . Thank God for mom . I waited longer than usual in the exam room for the PA to come in , but I didn 't mind because he always spends a lot of time talking to me so I just figured that he was talking to someone else ( I could hear him in the next room ) and he would be in as soon as he could . When he came in he sat next to me and said " How are you doing ? " I said " shitty , how about you ? " He said the same thing , " shitty " . He wanted to know why I wasn 't doing well and I told him about how I thought that I was starting to have problems in my arm . I did have a lot of lymph nodes taken out when I had my breast amputated ( I think the word mastectomy doesn 't do it justice ) , twenty - eight the last time and eight the first time . Even one being taken out can cause you to have a lot of pain and swelling in your arm . I haven 't had any trouble with it in this past year so I 'm not convinced that it isn 't the tumor in my arm pit pushing on things that are causing pain all the way into my hand . I watched for any swelling or anything like this before , but I never saw anything . And , I 've usually been able to get relief from the pain pills after I healed from each surgery . I 'm a little worried that this is only the beginning of the problems with my arm . Anyway , the PA wanted to change my meds ( which he does every so often ) and scribbled for a while on some paper , trying to figure out the correct amount of the other pain meds to equal what I was already on . I would have needed a calculator for all those math problems . After a while he gave up and went to go to the back office to speak to my Dr and ask him what he thought should be written . When the PA came back he was laughing . I asked him what was going on and he , still laughing , said that some Dr had called my Dr and told him that I didn 't have breast cancer … that he thought that it was a misdiagnosis . I wish I was a fly on the wall for that conversation . When I was first diagnosed and still had all the tumors in my body I had to be admitted to the hospital for pain . I insisted after almost a week that they call in my own pain Dr because he already knew me and I trusted him . They refused until I started screaming in pain , and I also sent my husband across the street to the Dr 's office to tell him personally that I needed him and why . My own Dr showed up in my hospital room at about eight pm when he was on his way home for the night . When he came in he sat down held my hand and put his head in my lap and cried . He told me that no matter what happens he 'll be there to see me through this . I believed him then and I still believe in him now . He chewed out the hospital staff and changed the meds I was on and I was able to go home two days later . If he hadn 't come in to help me I don 't know how long I would have been there . I don 't have a clue what Dr would have called him unless it was the Medical Director at the hospice that I was in a few months ago who wanted me to have more scans and tests to prove what my prognosis was after I had my surgery . They do have to make sure that you qualify to be in hospice so I know why they wanted more proof . But , if they would have told me at the time what they were looking for I could have had the reports from the Cardio Thoracic surgeon and the pathology reports sent to them . I didn 't know then that they didn 't have everything . I haven 't seen an Oncologist for about eight months now because I didn 't have any reason to go to one . I wasn 't having chemo and I didn 't know that I would need to be continually getting tested for something that doesn 't go away on its own . I made all of my choices clear to all my Dr . s and I figured that they would all talk to each other when they needed information . Anyway , my own Dr knew better than to believe that it was all a mistake and thought that the one who had called him and told him that it was all a misunderstanding was an idiot . I 'm very glad now that I insisted on having my own Dr come to the hospital because he saw for himself that there was no mistake and that I simply wasn 't going along with all the usual treatments for IDC . Some people ( including Dr . s ) think if I 'm not doing chemo and radiation that I must not have cancer . It only it were . I did ask my PCP to get me a referral for another Oncologist so that there wouldn 't be anymore questions about my prognosis . Just incase I need proof from now on . So now I start the new meds next week , I know that I 've taken them before but I don 't remember if I had any problems with taking them . Hopefully it 'll help me without giving me any more issues to deal with . Nov12 I 've been told by someone who reads every one of my posts that I 've been running all of my sentences together , and she 's right … I have . But I didn 't realize that I was doing that until she said something , so I wanted to make sure that she knew that I appreciate the constructive criticism . I 'll try to explain why I do that , as well as trying to learn how to write better posts in the future . When I was a freshmen in high school I remember going the first day to a new school , I was picked on so badly that in - between classes I finally just walked off campus and never did go back . I was taken to juvie where I lived for most of the next year because I kept running away every time they tried to send me home . I wasn 't abused in any way and I had a great family . The problem was all mine . I don 't really know why I kept getting in trouble , but I did . The next year I started getting sick and was taken from juvie to a county hospital where I was told that I had bone cancer in my right knee . They also said that I was going to die , and they had nothing to give me to make me any better . They called my parents and told them the same thing over the phone . Luckily , my mother isn 't one to just sit by when things go wrong . She 's more like me when it comes to my kids needing my help . Maybe I should say I 'm more like her . She took me to a children 's hospital and a year and a half , four chemo drugs and one leg amputation later I was doing much better . My mother did make the school send me a tutor a few days a week , but it was so easy for me to make her feel bad for trying to get me to do any work that I managed to wiggle out of any kind of education . All I had to do was tell her that my leg was hurting and she would get up and leave , but she did always leave me homework to do if I was felling up to it . I 'm not proud of what I did . I know I should have listened to her , and if I could go back and do it over again I would do so many things differently . I screwed myself out of any real education … and I didn 't even realize that I was doing it . What 's ironic is that even back then I wrote all the time . I wrote short stories and poems and loved reading them to my dad . I remember reading a story that Erma Bombeck had written , and I decided to write one of my own that was definitely in her writing style . I think I still do that sometimes without noticing that I 'm doing it . I haven 't read anything of her 's in more than twenty - five years I think . My father was sure that the style matched Erma Bombeck , and that I must have copied it from something that she had written . I had to go get the story that I had read , and give it to him , explained what I did and that it was my work . I was only looking for a writing style that I could use . I had no interest in taking credit for someone else 's work . He finally agreed that I hadn 't done anything wrong , and told me to keep writing whatever made me happy . And I did . During the time when I was just barely finished with chemo my parents started taking me on trips . The Make - A - Wish foundation let me take my whole family to Hawaii for ten days on two different islands , we went to Disney Land in California , and I was sent to camp with the other ' cancer kids ' at some point in - between . I had gone to Camp Rainbow the previous year , so when it came time to go again I was asked to be a Jr councilor . I think I was about sixteen years old at that time . I wasn 't told that we would have a guest there doing research for a book until we were unpacking our things in our cabins . We were asked to be very open and honest with this person and if we were uncomfortable with any of the questions we were asked we didn 't have to answer them . Most of us spoke very openly and honestly . You 'll never believe who our guest was … or maybe you will . I Want to Grow Hair , I Want to Grow Up , I Want to Go to Boise ( Children Surviving Cancer ) : Written by , my now friend , Erma Bombeck . I remember seeing her sitting outside the dining hall looking lost . They had us do things at camp like line up by group and sit at assigned tables , and we had to sing about Johnny Appleseed before every meal . So , I can see how an adult who had never been there would be confused as to where to go for lunch . She did talk to us as a group that afternoon in the lunch room and explained that she wanted to write a book about us . About how we get through everything having to do with being a kid with cancer … she wanted to see how we were able to keep smiling . She met with some of us , me included , in private . She didn 't ask a bunch of ridiculous questions , she just wanted to talk . She wanted to know everything each one of us had to say . What she found out was that most of us were sarcastic and loved to screw with people . Things like pretending to get hurt or telling stupid jokes … nothing funny was out of the question to us , and she picked up on that pretty quickly . She couldn 't believe that almost all of us had a sense of humor about being sick . Even the ones who knew they would die from whatever kind of cancer they had . My name appears on the first few pages along with all the other kids who were there that year . If I remember correctly , she also wrote about when I was asked at lunch if I wanted a leg or a breast when we were being served chicken … I was laughing so hard I don 't think I ever answered that question . I had no clue then that someday I would want both . So , I still love to write about things in my life , but I never did get any real education having to do with writing because of my own issues . I so wish that I had continued my education . I was very upset when I found out that Erma had died in the 90s … 1996 I think . She was a great lady , and a wonderful writer . I don 't claim to have her talent for writing , only that she helped me find a way to write that made sense to me . Now , if I can only figure out where all the punctuation goes , I 'll be happy . Oct11 I met with my new surgeon this morning about possibly removing this tumor in my lymph nodes and he thinks that he can get it out without causing anymore problems for me . My main concern has been that if I let it get too much bigger then I might not be able to walk on my crutches because of the pain it would cause . I already do have pain from it in my arm and shoulder so I don 't want that to get any worse . I was under the impression that removing this tumor would also help me to not have more cancer spread right away however the surgeon just told me that removing it would not in any way help with my breast cancer , it would only help with the pain . He said that he would go in and look around to make sure that he wasn 't causing more damage than I already have before actually trying to remove it , and if he thinks that there are too many blood vessels attached to it or if it 's attached to my rib cage he won 't try to take it out at all . He did agree with me that I should be put under general anesthesia and then admitted to the hospital over night to make sure that I was doing OK before he sends me home to recover . I told him that I had woken up after surgeries many times screaming in pain so I wasn 't comfortable being sent right home before I knew I was doing OK with the pain . He seemed to be a very responsible surgeon and wasn 't in a hurry to cut me open unless I was sure that I wanted it knowing everything that could happen . I think that as long as he only takes out this one area and doesn 't try to take out anymore lymph nodes then I won 't have any further problems with my arm unless I have more growth there later on . It won 't be a cure by any means but it should help me with the pain in my arm and help me continue to be able to walk on my crutches for a while . He did seem surprised that I 'm not having chemo or rads but after I explained everything he seemed to get where I was coming from . He has me on his surgical schedule at the beginning of November so that I have time to see my pain Dr bThis entry was posted on October 11 , 2012 , in Breast Cancer and tagged Biopsy , blog , breast cancer , cancer , chemo , crutches , doctor appointments , family , friends , hospital , journal , life , Lung , Lymph node , M & M , mastectomy , medical problems , Oncology , pain , Sunshine Award , support , surgery , Wheelchair . 6 Comments |
Part of the Ashton / Ana series . This is the first story introducing Ana with no attachment to Bri whatsoever . Ana goes to a party , drinks , and drives her bro 's car home . Oh , and she has a minor accident . ( Random fact : This story was written before Heavenly Weed , but takes place afterwards . ) I was giggling so hysterically that I could barely get out of my brother 's car without falling . It was two in the morning on a Saturday night . I had just gotten home from this party at my best friend 's house . I took my brother 's car , without his permission , then went to this party and drank as much alcohol as I could get my hands on , avoiding the fact that I 'd have to drive home . Luckily , the party was only a couple of blocks away from my house and I managed to get there with only one tiny scratch on Ashton 's car . I finally made it out of the car , still giggling to myself about some absurd thought that passed through my mind . I walked towards the house . Every light was on , including the porch light , and I realized that Ashton was home . Not knowing what time it was , I stumbled inside , swinging the door open . I let out a giggle . " I went out for a little while , silly , " I said , slamming the door shut and watching Ashton jump from the loud noise it made . His dark eyes peered at me . " I just had a bit to drink , I 'm really okay , " I said , then stumbled nearly tripping , and fell into my brother 's arms , grinning up at him . " It was fun . You should go drink some . " " Anastasia . . . You 're only 15 . . . you don 't even have a fucking license yet . And I specifically told you not to drive my car ! " I hung on the word " specifically . " I tried to say it a few times , my words slurred together , but it didn 't work . Finally I gave up and shrugged . " Oh well , " I said . I stalked off towards my room , the hallway getting narrower and slanting a bit , kind of like those fun houses that are at the fair . Before I knew it , everything seemed slanted and I fell over , right into the wall . " Owww , " I whined , holding my elbow . Ashton appeared beside me and I wondered if he teleported . He helped me up and let go again , only to send me crashing back down into the wall . " My legs are broke , " I whined . " Yeah , they are . I can 't walk . My eyes are broke , too . Can 't see either . " I breathed heavily and tried to look at him and then blacked out for a moment . The next thing I knew , I was in Ashton 's arms being carried towards my room . " What are you doing ? " " Oh . " I blinked a couple of times but just allowed him to carry me as everything went by me in slow motion . I remember looking at the picture on the wall from Christmas when Ashton was 5 and I was only 3 . We were so young then . It reminded me of how close we were . After I looked at the picture I ended up on my bed and fell almost instantly asleep . I had the weirdest dream . Something about apparating like in Harry Potter . Apparating from one side of the house to the other . Maybe I just drank too much . The next morning I woke in the living room on the couch , a trashcan next to me and a pain in my stomach . I looked at Ashton who sat on the chair beside me , staring . I tried to sit up but my headache kept me down . " What happened ? " he asked , agitated . " You stole my car , went to some party , got drunk , then drove home , in MY car . " His eyes were fixed angrily on me . " You went to sleep then started sleep walking and fell down in the hallway . I had to pick you up and you said you felt sick so you went to the bathroom and puked everything up . So you slept in here last night . And I slept in the chair . " He just gave an exasperated sigh . " I can 't believe you , Anastasia . . . I trusted you to stay here and not do anything stupid . Instead I come home to find the house empty and my car gone . Do you realize how worried I was ? " " I was super worried . I didn 't know what happened . Had no idea where you went . I tried calling your cell , but it was turned off . I could only think the worse . " My heart thumped inside my chest . " I 'm sorry , " I muttered again , but he just shook his head and paced around the room a bit . Finally , he just walked out of the door and I heard his car start up and he drove off . " You got a scratch on my car ? ? ? You stole it AND wrecked it , all in the same night ? And to top it off you drank and drove ? " He growled under his breath , basically not giving me the chance to explain because I was sure he didn 't want to hear it . He still towered over me , his 6 ' 1 " frame being nothing compared to my mere 5 ' 3 " . " You knew that you weren 't supposed to drive my car . You asked me time after time after time if you could , just to test out your permit . And I probably would have eventually let you , as long as I was in the car with you . But NO , instead , you stole my keys from me and took my car out for a little joy ride and could have killed yourself ! " he yelled . " Do you realize what you 've done ? " " I don 't care if you wanted to go to the party . You shouldn 't have gone anyway because it had drinking . Fifteen 's too young to be driving , much less drinking . " " Great ! " he yelled sarcastically . " Just fucking great . So now I might have a hit and run following me around because my little sister got drunk and drove my car . " He paused for a minute and took a deep breath . " If Dad were here , he 'd spank you so you couldn 't sit down for a week , and that 's what I intend to do . " " You heard me . " I didn 't move . " I 'm going to spank you on your bare bottom until you can 't sit down for a week , so go ahead and pull down your pants . . . " I still didn 't move , just stared at him in shock . " ANASTASIA ! I 'm not talking to myself . Pull them down , NOW ! " Ashton had never spanked me before . . . NEVER . And my parents hadn 't much , only once or twice really . I just stared at him still in awe and shock , not making any effort to move . " When I tell you to do something , you will do it , do you understand me ? " He lifted me back up . " Now , pull down your pants . " " You brought this upon yourself , " he told me and brought me over his lap again , pinning my hands behind my back . I felt him tug my panties down to my knees and I struggled a bit , but my struggles were useless , because instead of pulling my panties back up , I was greeted with a few more smacks . " The less you resist , the sooner this 'll be over , " he admonished . " Owwww , come on , Ash , that hurts . . . " I whined , wanting to move my hands and protect myself from this pain , but it was useless . His strong arms had my hands pinned and the smacks kept getting worse and worse . SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK ! ! ! " Good . " SMACK SMACK ! ! ! ! " It hurt me when you came home drunk off your ass after driving my car . " SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK ! ! ! ! ! ! ! " You could have gotten into a bad wreck , " SMACK SMACK SMACK ! ! ! " and killed yourself or someone else ! " SMACK SMACK ! " If you EVER steal my car again , " SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK ! ! ! " I will take my belt off , " SMACK SMACK SMACK ! ! ! " and spank you with it , " SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK ! ! ! " then get a switch out of the backyard and spank you with that . " SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK " Do you understand me ? " " I won 't . Owwwwwwwww , it hurts I 'm sorry . " I was trying to fight back my tears but it wasn 't really working that well . My bottom hurt so much and he was making me feel so bad . " Young lady , " he said in the most serious voice , " I 'm really upset with you . You could have really badly hurt somebody . . . and I know I 'm being repetitive , but I want it to sink in how much you 've put yourself in danger . That 's why I spanked you . " I tried to cry more , but he smiled at me , and I hoped he was kidding . I quickly pulled up my pants and he gave me a slight pat . I winced and hurried towards my room , going by the bathroom on the way to wipe off my face that was all red and puffy and my eyes were all glossy and I looked like shit . My bottom stung like hell , it felt like it was on fire and I knew that I was a well spanked and broken little girl . I 'd never drink again , much less any of the other stuff I did . I finally gathered myself and went to my bedroom and lay down on my stomach for a while , wincing a bit because I was still in pain . I finally fell asleep reminding myself to help Ashton wax his car until that scratch came off . Part of the Terrence / Brianna series . Bri and Steph spend the summer getting into the local music scene . When they venture out farther than Terrence gave them permission , both girls end up paying . Going through trial after trial after trial was more exhausting than one would think . I had two trials for court and then one for the school . Apparently , this expulsion thing was " suspension pending an expulsion hearing . " Way to tell me AFTER I had gotten all upset about being expelled . Anyway , things weren 't so bad . Stephanie called me the day of my suspension and asked if everything was all right . Apparently , the word had spread really quickly about me getting arrested and she was worried to death because she just knew that Terrence would take it really badly . I think she was more scared that he 'd come by and beat up Jeremy for getting me started into that kind of stuff . I argued with her though , and told her that Terrence was upset , but he wouldn 't beat anyone up . I told her all of this while lying on my stomach = ) She said that Jeremy had gone to the security officer and admitted to helping with my distribution of the drugs right after they pounced on that freshman kid who told on me . I smiled in spite of it . . . Jeremy really wasn 't such a bad guy . At least he felt like he should go down , too . . . or maybe he was just afraid I would tell on him . I felt kind of bad , telling on him and everything . But he had admitted to it anyway , and Steph said that neither of them saw me as a bad guy . This was a good thing . Anyway , Jeremy wasn 't expelled from school since he didn 't bring any on campus . But he was arrested and summons to court . So that was an extra court date that I had to go to , and he was brought to my trial as well . To make a long story short , neither of us was put in jail , just under tons of community service , and I was able to return to school for my junior year . For the remainder of my life as a sophomore , I went to a private school ( for some odd reason ) and met a friend named Jayna who played soccer . She told me about all of the camps that she had gone to and actually inspired me to play myself . So we spent the rest of the school year just playing soccer together . The school wasn 't really that bad . We had to wear uniforms , but they were super adorable . There was also this dumb requirement that all students had to participate in some kind of extracurricular activity . It didn 't apply to me , of course , because I was only going to be there for one month . I thought it was pretty cool , though . There was no " popular " crowd or anything , and everyone seemed to like me . I guess that 's because they were all used to having rich families and most of them were goody - goody . A lot of them were surprised to hear about me being kicked out of school . And it wasn 't an all girls ' school , either . I met a really hot guy named Ashton who was a junior and sexy as hell . I was too shy to talk to him , though . That 's okay . Anyway , school seemed to end pretty quickly . I was thankful that it wasn 't one of those schools where you go year round , because I was looking forward to a summer hanging out with Steph and Jayna . I was finally allowed to drive my car again . Jayna introduced me to the concert scene . She took me downtown one night to a local venue and I fell in love with everything . It wasn 't like a big concert , like the one I skipped school to go to that time , but it was a local place where there were some couches and a huge floor dedicated to moshing . I couldn 't bear the thought of going to a local concert and making Steph miss out on all of the hot guys , and before I knew it , she and I were going there every weekend . Mostly due to our crush on a sexy guitarist from one of the bands . " Terrence ! " I called on a lazy afternoon , mid - August . It was hot outside , and Stephanie 's car was definitely not in prime condition to drive anywhere . See , we really , really wanted to go to this concert . . . The concert was about an hour and a half away , in some small town that we liked to call " in the boonies . " There are plenty of boonies in Louisiana . I knew Terrence wouldn 't even consider letting me drive that far away , and on the interstate ? Hell no . . . I had already gotten in trouble once for going to a concert . . . but it was all the way in Dallas , and this wasn 't too far . . . and besides , it wasn 't like I was going to ask him if I could go and I wasn 't going to stay the night or anything . I finally found my raggedy shoes hiding behind the couch and sat next to Terrence , putting them on . " One o ' clock curfew ? " I asked hopefully . He had been letting me stay out later due to the fact that it was summer and the other fact that the concerts weren 't usually over until at least 12 . " Thanks ! " I squealed and gave him a big hug . " I 'll see you later ! " I bolted out of the door towards my tiny car , grinning with excitement . I rarely drove on the interstate , and this was a treat for me . In fact , come to think of it , the only time I had driven on the interstate was when I took that trip to Dallas . I didn 't have much use for it . Of course , that 's not what really excited me . What excited me was that I was seeing my favorite local band in concert , and I wasn 't going to get in trouble for it this time ! I met up with Stephanie and we hung out at her house for a little while , just talking about the new school year and how hot it was outside . Neither of us liked hot weather that much and although we weren 't ready for school , we were ready for fall . Jeremy was getting all packed up for college and it kind of depressed me a little to see him go . I mean , Jeremy and I were never an item , but he was sexy as hell and . . . well , like an older brother to me I guess . I dunno why it depressed me , it just did . So , Steph and I waited for time to pass and eventually five o ' clock came around and we headed away , blaring heavy music and singing along with the windows rolled down and the air on full blast . Terrence would have killed me just seeing that , saying that I was wasting the air . He was always picky about stuff like that . . . If the air was on , windows were up and doors were shut . It 's that conserving money thing . I , on the other hand , wanted my window down AND the air on , and since I was on the interstate miles away from Terrence , he couldn 't do anything about it . The road trip was smooth , as was the show itself . After telling everyone how much fun the place was and how much we 'd like to come back , we headed back towards town , the clock reading 10 : 15 pm . We had to leave early so we could get something to eat and I could get home a little before one . I rolled my eyes . Sometimes she could be such a girl . I looked around , trying to remain cool and think of a plan . Like an angel from heaven , a light beamed on a sign a little bit in front of us and I saw a sign for a Shell station . " Perfect ! " I muttered . " Look , Steph . There 's a sign for a gas station . I 'll walk , and you can sit in here and I 'll be back in a few minutes . I have a can to put gas in . " " Well , do you have a better plan ? " By this time I was digging in my pocket to see if I had any spare change . " Shit , I don 't have any money . . . " " That won 't buy us anything , " I murmured and slumped in my seat . We sat in silence for a few minutes and then I sat up straight again . " Gas card ! " I exclaimed . I checked in my back pants pocket and it wasn 't there . That 's funny , ' cause I could have sworn I put it there . . . I thought . I shrugged , though , then looked through my wallet . " Steph . . . I can 't find the card . . . We gotta find it . . . Terrence 'll kill me . " Finally , I slumped back in my seat . " This is great , just fucking great , " I muttered . " We 're stuck in the middle of nowhere , no money , no gas card . . . " I covered my eyes up before I began to cry . " Steph . . . I can 't call Terrence . You have to call your parents . We can 't stay out here forever ! " Stephanie began dialing the number of her parents . " It 's okay , Bri , calm down . " There was a moment of silence . The only thing I could hear was an almost inaudible ringing on Steph 's phone and occasionally , a car passed by us . " Shit , Bri . . . I forgot . . . they were going to some kind of party . They won 't be home until three or something . " Stephanie went through all of the numbers on her phone and called the ones that could maybe help us . . . but nobody could . The clock was getting nearer and nearer to 12 . . . It 'd take almost an hour just to get to Steph 's house . . . and plus , I had to drive home from there , and that 'd add on another 15 minutes . Stephanie nodded . I could tell that she figured I should have called him much earlier , but she hadn 't said anything . After all , she knew what happened with Terrence . . seeing as she had gotten in trouble with him once before . " Sure , " he said , not sounding the least bit upset with me . This was a plus . At least he wouldn 't be pissed about THAT part of it . " Where are you ? " " See , we went to that concert , and I thought it was going to be downtown , but it ended up being in . . . " I paused . " somewhere outside of Monroe . " He sighed exasperatedly . " It 'll take me a fucking hour to get there , do you realize that ? Don 't you have my gas card ? There isn 't a station anywhere near ? " She put a hand on my shoulder . " I 'll take all the blame . I 'll tell him that I didn 't tell you it was downtown and we were running late and I didn 't want to tell you that it was so far away because I knew you wouldn 't go . That way it 'll sound like I tricked you into going so far away against your will . " I was awakened by a loud pounding on my window and Terrence 's angry face staring at me . I jumped a little , then hit Stephanie who was also asleep . All the excitement must have worn us out . I unlocked the door . " Terrence , " Steph butted in . " It 's really my fault . I didn 't tell Brianna where the show was , and I knew it wasn 't downtown and I tricked her into going this way and she wanted to turn around and go back home . But , I wouldn 't let her . " Terrence opened his mouth to say something then closed it again and glared at Stephanie . " We 'll see when we get home . " He turned to me . " Open your gas tank . " Steph and I drove in silence , my mind on what was going to happen next , and I have no idea what she was thinking about . But this deathly silence was NOT fun . Especially since the quieter it was , the more my mind wandered . Of course , once the vivacious song came on , I pulled into my driveway and awaited my fate . Terrence 's car was already in the driveway and the porch light was on . I gulped . " Well , here it goes . " " Well , " she stammered . " See . . . uh . . . There was a concert downtown . . . and uh . . . well , that 's what I told Brianna at least , but I told her that it was at a different place and that we , uh , had to get on the interstate to get there . . . and uh . . . she wanted to turn around and come back home after a while , but I told her not to , and we always missed the turn arounds , and uh . . . then , we got to the venue and she wasn 't any fun to be with ' cause she was so scared . . . and then uh . . . we ran out of gas and she couldn 't find the gas card and neither of us had any money and uh . . . we called you . " Terrence nodded slowly , the look on his face obviously doubting the words coming from Steph 's mouth . " Really , " he stated . " And Brianna ? " he said , turning his glance towards me . " I see . " There was silence for a moment . I glanced at Stephanie and she glanced back at me with a hopeful look in her eyes . " Stephanie , where are your parents ? " " Ah , I see . " He paused . " I guess that means that I have to take care of you myself , huh ? " I blinked . Uh , that wasn 't exactly what I had in mind . . . " Good . Brianna , go sit over there , " he pointed to the chair in the corner of the room and I waddled over there on my jelly legs . This wasn 't good . . . He grabbed Stephanie 's arm and pulled her from the couch . He sat down and pulled her over his knee , flipping her skirt up and lowering her panties to expose pale cheeks . Steph struggled . " Terrence , I 'm sorry ! " she whined . But Terrence didn 't let up , and in fact , the sound of the smacking got louder and louder and he increased his speed . " I can 't believe you girls . . . driving all the way to Monroe without my permission . " SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK ! ! ! ! " Now , how do I know you 're not lying to me ? " He continued spanking her again and I just kind of rested against the chair , and turned my head away . " Brianna , part of your punishment is watching this one , so I suggest you do so , " he yelled over the loud smacking noises . So , I watched . Her bottom was turning from pink to red , and he was concentrating on the sit spots and she was kicking and screaming and sobbing and pleading for him to stop . I wondered if I carried on and on like that . . . He patted her bottom then pulled her panties back up and flipped her skirt down . He rubbed her back for a moment . I felt like an outsider , like I shouldn 't be watching this . . . like I was a next door neighbor , spying on someone . He rubbed her back until her crying subsided then lifted her up . " Steph , " he began , looking seriously into her eyes . " I knew that Brianna was aware of the fact that the concert was in Monroe . I could tell when I talked to her on the phone . I think you should stand up for your friends , but lying for them isn 't the way to do that . I know that you care about Brianna , but when she does something wrong , she 's suppposed to get punished for it , okay ? She has to learn the consequences of her own actions or she could get badly hurt one day , more so than just a tiny spanking . " " Good girl . " He hugged her tight then stood up . " Let 's get you home . Brianna , I want you to wait in your room and I 'll be back in a few minutes . " I snapped back into reality realizing that I wasn 't the outsider anymore , but an insider , and I didn 't like the idea of that . It meant that I was going to get spanked next . But , it didn 't really bother me that much . . . because I had gotten my best friend spanked and I deserved every bit of what was coming to me . I waited in my room for what seemed like hours . Unlike when we were in the car , I was way too nervous to fall asleep . I hated waiting . . . He nodded . " Bri . . . most of your punishment is over . I wanted you to see what happens when you put the blame on someone else . I know that you and Steph are great friends , but sometimes , you need to be the bigger person and accept your own punishment instead of putting it off on someone else . And I saw by your reaction that seeing your best friend take the blame wasn 't a pleasant experience for either of you . " I took a deep breath in . " It was our favorite band and we wanted to go see it , so I decided that I 'd drive us since Steph 's car didn 't have an air conditioner , and I didn 't want to ask you because I figured that you 'd say no and last time I asked and you said no , I went anyway and you found out about it and I figured this time you wouldn 't find out because I didn 't ask you . " I realized what I said was a complete run - on sentence , but I didn 't care . There it was . . . the truth . . . all out in the open . " I see . " He paused . " Brianna . . . you realize that when I tell you that you can 't go somewhere , it 's for your own safety ? " " If I would have told you that you couldn 't go to this concert tonight , it 'd be because there were only two of you girls , and what would happen if the car broke down ? What if your phone had been dead ? How would you have gotten help ? That 's why it 's important for me to know where you are . . . in case something like that does happen and you don 't make it home by curfew . It 's so I can pace around the house worried for an hour , then come out looking for you because I know where you are . If you wouldn 't have had a phone tonight , then I would have been searching all through downtown looking for you , and then I would have been really pissed . Brianna , you 're my little sister , and you 're all I got . I care about you so much , that 's why I set these limits . You could have gotten raped or kidnapped or killed tonight . . . or all three . And I worry about you . " He smiled and hugged me . " All right , Bri . . . because I know that you basically learned your lesson , I 'm only giving you eight whacks with the paddle . That 's half of 16 , which is your age , just so you can remember how old you are . . . and since you already got half of your punishment , here 's the other half , okay ? " Misc Story . Helen is spending the weekend at her friend Teresa 's house while their moms are out of town . The two girls want to go to a concert , but Teresa 's dad denies them permission to stay out so late . The girls decide to go anyway , and opt to sneak out . That should go over really well . When I was in third grade , my mom divorced my stepdad and we moved into a new neighborhood . It was weird to me , actually living in a neighborhood for once ; the ones I was used to were filled with old people , or at least teenagers that weren 't even close to my age . This neighborhood , on the other hand , was filled with kids of all ages . That is , except ones that were my age . They were either two years older or two years younger , and the fifth graders really didn 't care to know me that much . It didn 't bother me , though , because they were all boys anyway , and who can have sleepovers at a boy 's house ? I basically hung out with a first grade girl that lived a few houses down until she moved out at the beginning of the summer after third grade . It was sad for me , but since I didn 't know her THAT well , I didn 't take it too hard . There were plenty of other kids that lived near that I could hang out with . In a matter of days , a new family moved into the house . A family with a mom and a dad and six kids . I figured that at least one of the kids could be close to my age and I set off to find out for myself . That evening , I found a new best friend : a girl two years younger than I named Teresa . From that point on , I had a new family with things I never had , like brothers and sisters and also a father , and one extra mom . Anyway , that 's just a little background for you . That 's really not what the story is about at all . I mean , sure , I could go into detail about every little fight we had , all of the fun sleepovers and stuff , but really , none of that stuff sticks out in my mind . There 's only one situation that I can remember every , and I mean EVERY , detail of . It was the night of a big concert downtown , the day after my sixteenth birthday and my first day with a license . My mom and Teresa 's mom were out of town together to have a " girl 's weekend out " and I was left in the hands of 6 squalling kids and Teresa 's father . Teresa growled under her breath and stormed off to her room , slamming the door . I looked at her dad and kind of shrugged then trudged away . It was a funny situation , how they lived . Teresa had her own room as long as I could remember , but I don 't guess it really bothered the other kids that much . It was a four bedroom house , and the boys were all piled in the same room , and the twin girls had their own room , and Teresa , a room to herself . " Yeah , " she answered and I went on inside then plopped on her bed . " Helen , we have to go to that concert . . . I just HAVE to see that band . " I nodded , not really wanting to give my two cents , but she looked so desperate on finding a way to go . . . I don 't even think the idea of sneaking out even crossed her mind . So I watched her sitting there , racking her brain for some idea , pitying her for being so goody - goody that she couldn 't think of the BEST way to get out of the house . Finally I said it : " Let 's just sneak out , Teresa . . . It won 't be that hard . We 'll leave at 11 , I 'll keep my car at my house , we can walk down there , and drive off , get back in after the show , and nobody 'll ever know . " She averted her eyes to the floor and thought , then looked back at me . " No , I guess not . But I don 't think it 's a good idea . . . if we got caught Dad would kill us . . " I shrugged . " Let 's go on to the mall now , " I said . " We 'll get back by ten and then we can say we 're calling it a night and then we can leave and go to the concert . " We went to the mall , I driving , of course , since she was only 14 , her father giving us tons of warnings before I left . Her dad was a pretty nice guy , a father figure that I never had . He was in his 30s and a military guy , towering a good 6 ' 4 over the two of us , so those warnings showed that he meant business . Definitely no drinking , smoking , doing drugs , having sex , stealing , or starring in kiddie porn sites . The mall was really uneventful , to say the least . We just walked around and drank strawberry - banana smoothies and ate pretzels , gawking over cool outfits at different stores . Teresa found the perfect outfit to wear to the concert , a skimpy black tanktop that showed more skin than it covered up and some adorable tight jeans . We also went to the temporary tattoo place and she had a fairy painted onto her stomach that was way too expensive for me to even consider getting . But hey , if she had the money , that was her thing . I preferred buying more useful stuff , that was permant , like cds . We headed back home around nine because that 's what time the mall was closing and we really didn 't have anywhere else to go except for the concert , and it didn 't start until eleven . When we got there , Teresa 's dad and her older brother were watching something on tv , it looked like That 70s Show , my personal favorite because of my infatuation with Ashton Kutcher , but we didn 't stick around long enough to watch it . Teresa was already headed towards her room , exclaiming that she didn 't feel too well and wanted to head onto bed . I figured that she couldn 't get more obvious that we were going to sneak out than that . I shrugged and followed her , saying that she probably just ate too much at the mall but the guys didn 't seem to really care that much . I shrugged and changed into my pajamas , desperately hoping that everyone was sound asleep in a couple of hours . I 'd hate for us to open the window to sneak out , only to find Teresa 's dad swinging the door open to tell us goodnight . That would suck , not to mention ruin our plans . Around 10 : 30 , her dad came in and told us goodnight , not to stay up too late , and apologized to Teresa for upsetting her earlier . She kind of accepted his apology , shrugging then rolling over to pretend like she was going to sleep . I just smiled and told him goodnight . " Are you ready ? " Teresa 's shaky voice whispered in the darkness . I don 't know why she chose that time to whisper , we had been talking at a normal tone for the past thirty minutes . " Yeah , I guess , " I answered , not seeing what the big deal was . She was so jumpy that it was getting kind of annoying . " You begin opening the window , QUIETLY , and I 'll check to make sure no one happens to be standing in the den waiting to catch us leave . " I rolled my eyes although she couldn 't see . " Fine , " I whispered back . I rolled off the bed and cracked the door , peering outside in the den and hallway , seeing almost absolutely nothing , but noticing that all of the doors were shut from the small glimpse of light there was . I shut the door back as she fiddled with the window . I moved towards the lamp and flipped it on . She scowled at me and finally got the window open . I searched around in my bag for my baggiest pair of jeans and a tiny T - shirt . I went ahead and dressed myself then brushed my hair and chewed on a piece of ice breakers gum , to take away my bad breath . I slipped my shoes on and waited for Teresa , who was moving as slowly and quietly as a snail . Bad simile , I know . She glared at me but hurried up anyway . I flipped the lamp back off and she hopped through the window with ease . I followed shortly behind , baffled for a minute about what to do with the window , and just decided to leave it open . There was such a distance between her room and the ground that we might not be able to open it when we got back home . Teresa did have her key , though , and if it came down to it , she could use it to sneak back in through the front door . When we got on the freeway , I blared our favorite band and both of us sang along , her filled with adrenaline from doing something so " daring " and I just having fun . I wasn 't exactly what you would call a BAD child , but I wasn 't worried about anything . If we did get caught , the worst that could happen would be getting grounded , and that didn 't really bother me that much . It wasn 't like I went out that often anyway . Besides , I knew we wouldn 't . . . what are the chances that her dad would just * happen * to go in her room and see us missing ? Slim to none . The concert was great . We jammed to the coolest local bands and flirted with hott guys all night . I could tell that Teresa was nervous as hell , and a couple of times she asked if we could go back home cause she had a bad feeling , but I told her to relax , nothing was going to happen . Naturally , she took a deep breath in and flirted with more guys . Around two in the morning , all of the bands had played and everyone stood around talking with the bands and their friends . I saw how nervous Teresa was and decided to cut my conversation with the hott bassist short . I wanted to talk to him about everything , from song writing to college to his girlfriend , hopefully lack there of . But I just talked about how awesome his band was then insisted that I leave because I had to be home by three . He grinned at me and said he hoped to see me at the next concert . I made a note to myself that he was either single or greedy then hurried Teresa out of the door . " Right . . " I said sarcastically . " I don 't see what you 're all worried about . . . we 're not going to get caught , unless your dad randomly checks the rooms every night at 1 AM . " I looked up and noticed the porch light . WAS it on when we left ? " I 'm sure it was . . . " I murmured , knowing that she didn 't believe me because even I doubted myself . We snuck around the side of the house towards her window . I wasn 't really that worried about it . . . I figured that maybe he just forgot to turn the light off after we got in . That is , I wasn 't really worried until I heard her mutter , " oh shit . " I looked up to see the window shut . She looked at me with puppy eyes . " Relax , " I whispered , feeling the full effect of her nervousness now . " I 'm sure it fell or something . Window 's fall down all the time . You have the key , don 't you ? " " No , that 's even more risky . We could fall and break a few bones or something . " She shuddered . " Look , let 's just go in through the front door . " We were both basically thinking the same thing . . . we 're fucked . We held hands on the way back to the porch , trying to comfort each other . She was definitely more scared than I was , but her nerves were making me nearly as jumpy . The cat jumping through the bushes almost gave ME a heartattack , although it didn 't phase Teresa that much at all . We climbed up the steps slowly , taking one at a time , then looking at each other and taking another . Unfortuantly , there were only four steps , so although it seemed like we were creeping towards the top , we were there in a matter of seconds . I let in a deep breath and so did she , then she inserted the key in the lock and turned . We heard the door unlock and took one final deep breath before we shoved the door open . We tiptoed across the living room , still holding each other , probably more this time because I didn 't want to run into anything and get us caught . We had made it this far , it would REALLY suck to get caught now . We went through the living room , then through the hallway , past her brothers ' door , and took a step down entering the den , where what we saw made my heart stop . It was the computer , turned on , and a man sitting in front of it that I recognized as Teresa 's father . " It 's about time you girls got home , " he said , not even whispering , although he was using an extremely calm voice . That isn 't always a good thing , though . " Go to your room , " he added , rising from his seat at the desk . The den was a big square room , and when coming in from the hallway , like we were , Teresa 's room was on the left , and straight ahead was her parents ' room and her sisters ' room , and to the right of their rooms was a tv and then if you moved over a little bit , the computer desk sat . It was at a position where you couldn 't see it until you entered the den . Anyway , so Teresa and I , by this time we were panic - stricken , turned left and nearly plowed into the closed door . Her dad was not far behind us , and the thought of him following us made me a little uneasy . I really wasn 't up for being yelled at tonight , and him waking everybody up , because being a military guy and all , I was sure that he could yell pretty loudly . He didn 't buy it . " Yeah , it was a late showing at midnight and we really wanted to go . " Hey , it was a dumb excuse but I was desperate for something and I knew that being downtown at a concert definitely wouldn 't fly with her dad . " Helen , you lying to me is NOT helping the situation any , " he said angrily , looking back towards Teresa 's downcast eyes . " Teresa ! Where did you go , and I expect the truth young lady ! " There was a moment of silence and all I could hear was her dad 's loud breathing and Teresa 's fidgeting . " Do you realize how worried I was ? I see both of you gone and I don 't know if you snuck out or what . And what the hell are you wearing Teresa ? " I rolled my eyes . " Give it a rest already . It was my idea to go to the concert in the first place . . . you shouldn 't blame Teresa . " He shot me a look that made me instantly close my mouth . " You know , Helen , I honestly don 't care that it was your idea . What I 'm worried about is that you drove after state curfew , went to some concert downtown and Lord knows how much traffic there is down there , and the two of you are only 14 and 16 years old . Do you realize that you could have gotten raped or killed ? You could have gotten in a wreck , or even arrested for being out past curfew . And what bothers me the most , Helen , is that you are the leader to my kids , they look up to you and adore you and want to follow in your footsteps , and what you did tonight showed me how irresponsible and immature you really are . " I tried to keep my glaring at him down to a minimum . But who the hell was he to call me irresponsible and immature ? He sure as hell wasn 't my father . . . although he was close enough . . . " Teresa can make her own decisions and can think on her own , and even if it was your idea to go tonight , she could have easily turned you down . " He looked back at Teresa whose eyes were still fixed on the ground . " And Teresa , I 'm upset at you for sneaking out of the house AND for wearing that type of clothing . And that tattoo I see on your stomach must be one of those temporary ones that they give at the mall that we 've told you plenty of times you can 't have . " She didn 't argue . I wanted to argue for her and tell him that it was her own money and she could spend it as she pleased . But if she didn 't want to stick up for herself , I couldn 't change that . My mouth dropped to the floor and he left the room . I sat there . . . I don 't even know the words to describe how I felt . I was nervous , scared , shocked , angry . It was like my stomach was twisted into knots and I wanted to shout that he couldn 't do that to me , but I knew he could and I was scared because I had never been spanked before . Well maybe once or twice as a kid , but that didn 't count . I was too young to even remember that . . . And pants down ? What was the deal with that ? It must mean that this was pretty serious . . . I mean . . . gee , I 'd known that spankings were given in this household , I 'd even seen one once . . . I remembered that day so vividly . . . How Teresa showed disrespect towards her mother , popping off to her and throwing her dinner plate onto the floor for some unknown reason . I remembered how her mother spoke the words " wait til your father gets home " and all the kids gasped , even me , although I didn 't know what it meant . I was only ten at the time , and I hadn 't known them for that long . . . But before I knew it , Teresa 's father entered the silent house . He came in , but nobody spoke , as we all knew the wrath of my best friend . . . or THEY knew the wrath , I just assumed that I knew what it was . And then everything after that . . . her mom describing the yelling and the plate crashing onto the floor . . . I saw Teresa with a tear trickling down her cheek staring at her feet . And her father said " is that true , Teresa ? " and Teresa nodded , ashamed of herself for once . And then he announced the punishment . . . " A pants down spanking after dinner " and another audible gasp arose from the table . A pants down spanking was the worst of punishments . . . worse than hanging one of the kids upside down by their toes . Teresa had finished eating her dinner slowly , and I , too , ate slowly . For Teresa was the only person I wanted to hang around with at the house , and I didn 't want to leave the room until after her spanking was over so we could go into her room and play with her doll house or something . She fi " Helen ? " Teresa said softly , and I snapped back into reality . Everything in my head was happening so vividly I had forgotten that I was about to receive MY spanking . . . I shrugged a little , trying to keep my hands from shaking so much . I looked at her . Her brown hair was fallen into her eyes , and there was three traces where tears had fallen just moments before . I didn 't want to tell her how scared I was . . . I don 't think I really had to tell her . . . she felt it . She hugged me tightly then moved towards the door , turning the handle . We both held our breath , just like in scary movies when they 're about to open a big door and discover something important , or really scary . . . The door slowly opened and her dad turned around then walked inside , shutting the door back . I felt the same thing I had felt before . . . that same throbbing feeling of confusion and something else , I just couldn 't quite put my finger on it . My heart was racing and I was having trouble breathing , something like an anxiety attack . It was moving in slow motion . I closed my eyes and opened them back again , so maybe it would help me see straighter . I was so dizzy . I stood over towards the side of the room and her dad sat on the bed . I told myself to breathe . " Come here , " he told me , pointing for me to stand next to my friend . " I need to talk with both of you before I begin . " I nodded and weakly stepped towards her father , twiddling my thumbs . " Teresa , Helen . . . Look , I love you both . . . Teresa you 're my daughter , and Helen , you 're so close to being one you might as well be . . . I care about each of you so much that I couldn 't bear it if something happened to either of you . This sneaking out thing . . . it 's not a very smart idea at all . You could have had an accident or worse . Two teenagers downtown in the middle of the night is trouble waiting to happen . Older guys look at kids your age because they know you 're vulnerable . I know you two think you could take care of yourselves , but if it was a big gang of guys . . . I know you were mad at me for telling you no about staying out so late . But I only do it to protect you . And Helen . . . I don 't appreciate you lying to me at all . I want you both to know that the kids in this house look up to both of you as a positive influence , and if they saw that you guys snuck out of the house and got away with it , they would all think they could do the same , and somebody would end up getting hurt , more so than I 'm doing right now , okay ? " I nodded . " Teresa , you know we don 't want you wearing that type of clothing . That basically invites guys to rape you . The tattoo thing . . well , it doesn 't really bother me , it 's just that we already told you that you couldn 't have one , and you went and did it anyway . I know you 're 14 and you feel grown up , but you 're not yet , and you 're still under my house and my rules . When I tell you not to do something , you will NOT do it , do you understand me ? " I felt her nod next to me . " Helen , I expect you to respect me more so that you have done tonight . " I , like Teresa , hung my head , staring at the carpet in shame . My heart began to pound again with the stillness that engulfed us . Finally he spoke again . " Okay , Teresa . You 're first . " I took a couple of steps over and looked up as Teresa wiped her eyes . I knew if she was that scared , I may as well have fallen over with a heartattack by now . . . but unfortuantly , I hadn 't . Teresa looked into her father 's eyes . She slipped her fingers between the waistband of her pj pants and after looking at her father for a couple of seconds , pleading with him to change his mind , she tugged them down to her knees . All I could feel was my heart thumping and I kept telling myself to breathe , because I was finding it rather difficult to do so without telling myself . He gently pulled the limp body over his lap , positioning her to where her hands touched the floor and her bottom was raised high in the air . Without hesitating , he tugged her panties down to meet her pj pants . I took another breath in and another one out , closed my eyes and opened them , still trying to help myself see straight , then I watched , the only thing else I could do . He raised his hand up high and landed the first smack on her upturned bottom , causing her to squeel a little bit . My heart began beating faster and faster . I thought about the last spanking I had witnessed as he raised his hand and crashed his hand down on her bottom again . The first spanking . . . short and simple . . . A young girl in the livingroom with her father sitting on the couch expressing his anger and disappointment to her , telling her how she better never use that tone of voice with her mother again , never throw anything in this household . She had stood twitching nervously , wishing that it wouldn 't happen . He had ordered her to pull down her pants and she did so , me watching from a distance . . . It was over quickly , just two sharp smacks on her rear end and an admonishing voice telling her to never do something like that again . . . But this . . . it was far , FAR worse than the other punishment . He was already working up a rhythm and Teresa was kicking furiously , her bottom a light pink color . I was hoping that he 'd stop soon , because my heart was pounding so loudly that I wished I could get my punishment over with so it 'd stop . . . pounding loudly I mean . But he didn 't stop , or even let up on his smacks . He just hit her bottom in rhythm as she tried to stay brave , but it was so hard for her , I could tell . Her eyes were already beginning to tear up and her cries of " ouch " were getting louder and louder . Her kicking increased with the speed of his arm spanking her . Her bottom turned a darker pink and she was full out crying by now , kicking and pleading for her dad to stop . I wanted to cry , because I knew in a matter of seconds it would be me over her father 's knee , getting the daylights spanked out of me . And who knows , it might be worse because I 'm older , or because I talked back to him , drove her to the concert . . . I remembered after the spanking how I found my friend in the den laughing . It was a nervous laughter , I knew . . . but she wouldn 't play it as that . She didn 't deny it hurting the least bit . . . Of course , I didn 't ASK her if it 'd hurt , I just assumed it did . She said she had a pink handprint on her rear end from those smacks . This was more than a pink handprint . . . this was a fully red bottom by now . The room was filled with muffled sobs and loud smacking noises and I feared for my bottom more than ever at this point . If it could cause my friend , whom had been spanked before , to cry like this , what would it do to me ? ? I 'd probably pass out from exhaustion of kicking and crying so much . Finally the sounds of hand - meeting - bottom stopped and the only noise that filled the room was Teresa 's loud sobbing . I imagined that her dad probably made me watch so I 'd be scared shitless when it was my time . Whether that was his plan or not , it worked . He hoisted her from his lap and held his weeping daughter in his arms . " Shhh , shhh , honey . . . It 's okay . " He rocked her back and forth for a minute , causing my anticipation to rise higher and higher . I tried not to be so nervous , but it 's so hard when you know what 's awaiting for you . He finally lifted Teresa up and she wiped her eyes with one hand and rubbed her bottom with the other then hobbled over to where I was , still crying . " Your turn , Helen . . " he said , looking into my eyes and causing my heart to skip about seven beats . I picked up one foot and put it in front of the other , not really going very far . . . I did that one final time and I was standing to the side of him . I fidgeted nervously with my hands as I stood there . " Pants down , " he ordered . I complied , still fidgetting and heart racing more than ever . Was I really about to get spanked ? I saw Teresa crying in the corner . . . I didn 't want to do this . . . I was so scared . I stood there , pants to my knees , looking at him . He didn 't waste time and helped me over his lap . I imagined what I looked like in this position , probably as ridiculous as I felt . The next thing I felt was hands tugging my panties down and a hand resting on my bottom . I let out a small whine . He hand was so warm , in contrast to how my bottom felt . . . It was foreshadowing how my entire bottom would feel in a matter of seconds . . . It was just resting there , lightly , giving me the chills with every millisecond I waited that felt like hours . " Helen , like I told Teresa , I am very disappointed in you tonight . I want to make sure that you never think about doing anything like that again . " His hand lifted from my tiny bottom where it rested and I clenched my eyes close together . I knew what was coming . . . I had seen this just minutes before , only it wasn 't me in this position , it was my best friend . I braced myself for what was to come , but all the thought that were running through my mind of how much it would hurt . . . NOTHING could compare to the sting when his hand collided with my bottom . " OWWWWWW ! " I cried out , not expecting it to hurt NEARLY that much . I have to be brave , I told myself . I was 16 and I needed to take my punishment like a 16 year old , not a baby . He gave me a second to regain my composure . I was thankful for that , except it made my bottom tingle and sting like crazy and my heart still thumped loudly and I was breathing really heavily . He raised his hand again and it came crashing back down , a little lower than the first smack . I cried out again , trying to wiggle away from him , but he just tightened his grip and landed four smacks one after another . I clenched my fists and attempted to move and keep him from hitting the same spots , but it didn 't work . All was futile . He landed more smacks , hitting my bottom in rhythm as he had done for Teresa . The pain was almost unbearable . I winced after each spank , by this time , not crying out as loudly , mostly to keep my dignity . After all , I WAS 16 . . . The spanks kept comming rapidly . He would stay in one spot for a few smacks , then move a little and concentrate in that area . After a while of doing that , he concentrated on ONLY the sitspots and when he began that I was bobbing up and down and crying out loudly again , basically telling myself " screw dignity ! " He began spanking me faster , not allowing me time to breath between each one like he had been doing before . I started kicking frantically , legs and arms flailing , hoping that it would help some of the sting go away . It didn 't . I finally gave up on trying to remain quiet or keep my dignity , and began bawling like a baby over his knee . It hurt so much . He wasn 't showing any mercy whatsoever . I was crying so loudly and begging him to stop , apologizing every breath I could take , but he just kept on spanking me . I finally lay limply over his lap and sobbed away , exhausted from the spanking , and he knew that I was broken , because he picked my limp body up and held me in his arms , rocking me back and forth , letting me cry into his chest . I stayed like that for what seemed like a long time , allowing myself to cry and be held . I wasn 't held often , and it was a nice feeling , actually seeing someone care about me for once . And I understood exactly WHY he did what he did . . not to be mean , but because he really did care about me . That 's what good fathers did . . . they cared , unlike my dad who spent more money on alcohol than he would ever THINK about spending on me . " I love you girls , " he said . He hugged us both then tucked us into bed , both of us on our stomach and all . He turned out the light and left the room , I still sobbing , although by this time , Teresa had regained her composure . I let out a tiny giggle . " Kind of ? ? " I knew she was grinning . " Hey , I 'm sorry for talking you into sneaking out . . . I realize now why you didn 't want to do it . " I fell into a dreamless sleep that night , shortly after lying there , rubbing my bum for a few minutes . I wondered if all the other kids were up , listening in at the doorway while it happened . Siblings had a tendency to do that . . . listen to others get into trouble , sometimes they even made fun of them . If they heard , I never found out , because nobody ever said anything about it . I had a hard time sitting at breakfast that morning , but nobody questioned why . I wondered if Teresa was in as much pain as me . . . Part of the Terrence / Bri series . Bri starts selling weed and has this highly intelligent idea to sell it to someone at school ( er , maybe I should note that I 'm being sarcastic and it 's really not a highly intelligent idea to do that ) . When she gets caught , the consequences are beyond that of just a spanking . This story feels like it was like the turning point in this series . . . it 's what set up the next phase of Brianna stories . It 's also a lot better written than the earlier Bri stories ( in my opinion ) . I can 't exactly explain how I got into selling pot . I guess it all started with Stephanie 's older brother , Jeremy . She and I started hanging out with him more often as we were only sophomores and he was a super cool senior . When he went to others ' houses and came back with tons of money , it didn 't really phase me that much , because I didn 't really see anything wrong with it . It wasn 't until one day at school that I made a deal with someone . I shrugged and talked to Jeremy that evening . After being laughed at for a few minutes , he finally agreed . A few days later , Angela came again to me to get " the hook up " again . I went to Jeremy again and that 's when he suggested that I become a dealer like he was . It was easy money apparently , something that I didn 't make at my job at the pizza place . I decided to take him up on his offer . He gave me the number of his supplier and I talked with each of them and finally got myself set to where I was making as much money as Jeremy himself . Of course , I was stupid . Not ignorant . I knew what I was doing was clearly illegal and bringing it to school was grounds for expulsion , but I didn 't think of it at the time . I guess I had other things on my mind . Or , I was stupid , like I said . It came as a surprise to me one day when another friend of mine , Mark , came up to me and told me that his cousin asked about me . Apparently , Mark had told him that he bought some and his cousin asked from whom he bought it , and he let my name kind of slip . But his cousin was a good guy and would probably just come to me to buy some . I hoped that was the case . " Huh ? " I said , then remembered the phrase for the kids I didn 't know . " Oh ! " I said . " Yeah , but they 're at home . How many do you want ? " " Just one , " he said , smirking a bit . I could tell that he was a freshman , and I really hated selling to anyone younger than me ' cause I knew all the effects that marijuana had on your body , I took health and I did really well in it . But , money was money and I knew I had to sell the last of the bags I had in order to make a decent profit . I glared at him a bit . " Yeah , it 'll be fine . Besides , it 's at 7 : 30 and I won 't have it on me during school , just a few minutes before . " Steph shrugged and Jeremy just grinned and ruffled my hair . " Do be careful , though , " he said . " You still have that gun I gave ya ? " The next morning I was at the school a few minutes before 7 : 30 , nervous anticipation filling my body . I had tons of " what if " questions running through my mind . " What if a teacher sees ? What if he really is just trying to get me in trouble ? " My body shook as I headed towards the flagpole , and finally I made it there , trying not to look too suspicious . In a matter of minutes the young boy met up with me , grinning from under his mop top haircut . I led him away from the plain view of the flagpole towards the back of the school , where the T - buildings stood in a huddle . I scowled . " You punk - headed freshman , " I murmured , digging into my pocket . " You better show me some money before I take this shit out . " He rolled his eyes at me and dug in his back pocket , exposing a brown leather wallet . He opened it and I saw the gleam of two ten dollar bills and about three twenties . This kid must 've been rich ! " I wanna see some weed before I hand it over , " he whispered , finally taking the hint , because he knew he 'd be in as much trouble as me . The next events happened in slow motion . I grabbed the tip of the small bag between my thumb and forefinger and tugged at it while he watched me . The leaves rustled in the distance , it was towards the end of winter and they were all beginning to grow back . The zip - lock part of the bag peeked out of my pocket and finally , the entire thing was exposed . The next thing I knew , I was surrounded by about ten officers and everything was in normal speed again . I felt the gun being pointed at me and I saw the freshman smirk . That was when I realized that this was one big setup . I dropped the bag onto the ground and raised my hands high above my head , wanting to cry for being so utterly stupid as to bring marijuana to school . " Brianna Carter , " one officer said , stepping towards me , " you are under arrest for possession of controlled substances . You have the right to remain silent . . . " He made his speech while the world spun around me , causing me to become dizzier and dizzier as my heart thumped louder and louder . I became lightheaded , only aware of my heart pounding loudly , wondering if everyone else could hear it , too . " Brianna , move towards the wall , " he said , sounding agitated as if he had already told me once . " I 'm sorry . . . " I whispered , a tear rolling down my cheek . He put a hand on my back and moved me towards the cold brick wall , placing my hands against it above my head . I plopped my forehead against it and cried , while I felt a woman officer searching my clothing to see if I had anything else . When she finished , my hands were handcuffed behind my back and I had nothing in my pocket , no keys , no wallet , no cell phone . They searched my backpack , finding nothing but history notes and some pens and a book I had been reading . Finally , I was escorted to the office by two officers , while the others went to search through my locker and my car . My face was tear - streaked and eyes glossy from so much crying , being so afraid of what was going to happen , so afraid of what my brother would think . He would skin me alive then disown me forever , and then I 'd have to spend the rest of my life in jail for doing something so stupid . " So Brianna , we meet again , " the assistant principal said , looking at me disappointedly . He nodded to the two officers on either side of me and I felt the handcuffs loosen and finally fall off . " Come with me , " he said , putting a hand on my back and walking me to the office while I let more tears flow out of my eyes , feeling so horrible , wishing that I would wake up from my dream in my own bed , panting and sweating at this horrible nightmare . But this pain was real , and the hand leading me towards Mr . Vaughn 's office was real . " Have a seat , " he said sternly when we arrived . I did as I was told , sitting myself down in a chair across from his massive desk , my right leg thumping with nervousness . I heard the door shut behind me and jumped . The thought of that sent another pang to my stomach and I buried my head in my hands to keep myself from crying more . My head already ached and I knew I looked horrible . Crying would just make it worse than it already was . I hated all this pressure on top of me . I didn 't have anything to tell , just that I was stupid for ever selling pot in the first place , much less ever bringing it to school . " I 'm sorry , " I muttered . " I shouldn 't have ever done it . . . " I was having trouble speaking because my nose was stuffy and my head ached and I was still crying a little . " I 'm sorry . . . " I heard him open his mouth to say something but we were disturbed instead by a knock on the door . The knock made me more hysterical than ever . My hands could no longer contain my crying and tears were spilling out from the spaces in between my fingers . I heard the door open , crying harder and louder and then heard an almost inaudible voice . " Mr . Vaughn , someone is here to see you . A Mr . Carter . " Everything seemed so surreal . Sure , I 'd been in trouble plenty of times , sent to the office , stolen a couple of things before , even snuck out of the house . But nothing compared to this . Not only did I do something that was against the school rules or my brother 's rules , but it was also completely illegal , and from the looks of things , everything was being searched and there was no telling what they would find . This wasn 't even grounds for suspension , but grounds for expulsion . " Hello , Mr . Carter , good to see you . " I heard Mr . Vaughn rise from his chair and shake my brother 's hand . " Go ahead and close the door . " I wondered if Terrence even knew why he was here , but I knew that he could tell it wasn 't that good , especially since I was throwing a fit like I was . I heard the door close . Then , Terrence sat himself next to me . " I guess you 'll have to hear the story the way I heard it . I haven 't gotten much out of Brianna yet , she 's really upset . " There was a pause and Mr . Vaughn sighed . " Seems that Brianna was caught trying to sell marijuana to a ninth grader earlier this morning . A boy came up to the security guard yesterday and told him that Brianna was a drug dealer and had agreed to sell something to him . The officer did not want to incriminate her without any evidence , so he arranged for three other officers to meet with him this morning to investigate . " Funny , it seemed like there were way more than 4 people dressed in police suits . . . " This morning they followed Brianna and the boy towards the back of the school where she proceeded to take out a bag of marijuana to sell to him . Before the sale was made the officers moved in and confiscated it . " There was silence in the room . So this stupid freshman had set me up . He and the officer both ! Thanks to both of them , I was going to spend the rest of my life in prison ! My crying had ceased a little so I could hear the story . Terrence spoke up . " Brianna , look at me , " he said sternly . I couldn 't bear to look in his eyes , to see how angry he was at me . I knew , though , that it 'd be worse off on me for resisting than doing as I was told . I wiped my eyes with my hands then wiped the tears on my jeans and looked up to see both of them staring at me . I looked at Terrence . " Did this happen ? " That was a dumb question . He just wanted me to admit what I did . " Yes , " I murmured , almost set into crying again . I pep talked myself not to cry because that would just make it worse . I blinked again . This can 't be happening . I mean , I knew that it was grounds for expulsion , but I figured that somehow I could get out of it . . . He held up a ziplock bag with the contents of a single handgun . I felt everyone 's gasp and immediately went back to burying my face in my hands . I felt Terrence 's eyes on me . " This was the only thing we found , " the officer continued . " Her locker was clean and no traces of marijuana were found in her car . " There was a bit of muttering going on around me , but I tried my hardest to concentrate on other things , like my happy place , where there were unicorns and rainbows and dogs and it was always sunny and there was no such thing as committing crimes . I finally heard the men leave and Mr . Vaughn cleared his throat . " Brianna , you are a good student , and I 'm sure wherever you go , you will succeed . " I had to look up at him because I felt really rude not doing so while he spoke . " I hope that you are able to put this incident behind you and it won 't follow you forever . " I nodded . " Your brother cares about you a lot , and so do I , and what you did today hurt him a lot , and I think you owe him more of an apology than me . " I nodded again and looked at my angry brother who sat next to me , on the edge of his seat , probably just waiting to get me home so he could deal with me . " I honestly believe that you know what you did was wrong , and I 'm sure your brother realizes it , too . You 're a great kid , and I didn 't expect to see you slip into the wrong crowd like you did , because I know with your brains , you would have never thought of selling drugs . " I looked at him for a moment . " If you tell us who your accomplices were , then you will probably get off easier . . . " I jumped up there . This whole spill about me being a good student was to get me to get other people in trouble . Bullshit ! " No ! " I yelled . " No , I 'm not telling you shit . It was my fault and nobody helped me and even if they did I wouldn 't tell you ! " I angrily stomped towards the door , but Terrence caught me by the arm . I took a deep breath in and looked at Mr . Vaughn . He nodded slowly . " Well , I understand I guess . Seems like since you 're in so much trouble you would at least want to get those others who are doing this in trouble , too . " I said nothing , just glared angrily at him . " Well , I 'm sorry that I have to expel you , Brianna . But , it 's been a great two years and I wish you the best . " I nodded , still angry at him , but suppressing it more and more with each word he spoke . He stood up and extended his hand towards me and I shook it then Terrence did and he opened the door for us . It seemed like forever , sitting in Terrence 's car as he talked with the policemen and filled out paperwork . I felt like an exhibit at the zoo , where people constantly stare at you and talk about you as if you weren 't really there . I guess you don 't know that feeling until you 're really there . I understood now why the turtles always hid in their shells . I wish I had a shell to hide in right now . I 'd feel more comfortable . The ride home was silent , probably because I was too scared to speak because I knew I 'd begin crying again . You know that knot that gets stuck in your throat and if you speak tears will come out instead of words ? That 's what it was like with me . And I guess that Terrence was too angry to talk to me . I didn 't waste any time getting out . My heart was pounding like crazy and I knew what was coming up and I was afraid for my own bottom . Terrence met me in front of the car and grabbed my upper arm . " I can 't believe you sold pot , and on school grounds ! " He dragged me towards the house , then did the unexpected . Only once had Terrence spanked me outside of the comfort of my house , and that was when he smacked my bottom at school when I had gotten in trouble for cheating . But right now , he spanked my bottom with each step we took . " You SMACK ! will SMACK ! NEVER SMACK ! do SMACK ! anything SMACK ! like SMACK ! this SMACK ! again ! SMACK ! Do SMACK ! you SMACK ! understand SMACK ! me ? SMACK ! " " Owww , owww , owwww . . . Yes , I understand ! " I muttered , trying to step away from him , but he kept a firm grip on my upper arm . " I know you are , but that doesn 't change the fact that you did what you did . And how long ? One week ? One month ? One year ? ? ? " " You didn 't realize it was illegal ? That 's the biggest load of bull I 've ever heard , Young Lady . You knew good and well that marijuana was illegal . " He glared at me . All I could do was think about what I should have done differently , who I should have listened to . I wished that I would have listened to Stephanie and not sold anything to someone younger than me . I wished I would have listened to the drug ed teachers and not have even gotten involved with drugs . I wished that I would have listened to my conscience that told me what I was doing was wrong . I felt so stupid . . . so completely and utterly stupid . I still felt like I was in a dream and I hoped I would wake up . . . but , I couldn 't . All I could do was stand here as Terrence stared at me with flaming eyes of disappointment , causing my stomach to churn . He let go of my chin . " Well , let 's sum up the events of the day . You tried to sell pot to someone , got caught , they found a gun in your car , you yelled and cussed at the assistant principal , got expelled , and arrested . What a day . " " You got EXPELLED , Brianna . Do you realize what that means ? " That was a rhetorical question . " It means that you can 't go back to school for at least a year , maybe longer , unless you go to a private school or the alternative school . What do you think about that ? " Another rhetorical question . " AND , not only did you get expelled , you also got arrested . THAT means that you have to go to court and I have to pay some huge fine and you might even get jail time . " More tears kept falling from my eyes . " What exactly did you do with all of the money that you got from dealing ? " " Well , good . . . at least we 'll have some money to pay off the fine we 're going to get . And why didn 't you tell Mr . Vaughn who helped you out with selling that stuff ? I know you didn 't grow it in the backyard and someone must 've given it to you . Doesn 't it upset you that there 's thousands of people out there doing this and you know some of them and YOU ' RE the one getting in trouble ? " " What you did today , Brianna , showed me how irresponsible and immature you can be . I 'm just so upset at you . . . I can 't even think straight . I guess it never occurred to you what would happen if you did get caught , but I guess now you 're going to find out . " He sat down on the couch and grabbed my wrist , pulling me over his lap . " You 're old enough to know better than this . I realize that you 're sorry , " he said , just as I was about to remind him , " but I can 't let this go unpunished . " I wanted to plead with him and beg that I was being punished enough by getting expelled and arrested , but the only thing that came out was a nod . I felt my skirt being lifted and he rested it on my back . I held the couch cushions tightly as he pulled my panties down to my knees . I felt the familiar cool breeze on my bare bottom and prepared for what was to come . I knew this would be a really long trip over Terrence 's knee . . . probably the longest I had ever gotten . . . He began quickly , spanking in rhythm , one cheek after the other , causing me to wince and jump with each smack . They weren 't unusually hard , or fast even , but just normal spanks , slapping down on my bottom , not concentrating on any certain spots . This was definitely the warm - up , seeing as all it was doing was causing me to wince and exclaim " ow " every time he smacked . He did that a good twenty - five times , then began spanking harder and faster , causing whines to erupt from my mouth and my legs to kick a little . He started concentrating more on the sit spots , spanking me five times hard on each of them , then moving up to my cheeks , and finally back down to my sit spots to make sure that when I sat for the next few days I would remember the consequences of my actions . He spanked like this for about two minutes or so , then began the , what I call , " unusually hard spanks . " What I mean is that , in a matter of seconds , I was bobbing and bouncing all over the place , flailing my legs and screaming . He was definitely showing off the fact that he could bench press 200 pounds . I tried to keep a tight grip on the couch cushion and tried to keep myself from kicking so furiously . Well , I kept my grip , my knuckles were white from holding on so tightly , but I couldn 't help but kick because it hurt so much . . . Terrence stopped for a moment . " Brianna , if you don 't stop kicking so much , I 'm going to have to position you where your legs are under my knee . . . " He had never positioned me like that before , and the thought made me blush like crazy because I felt so young . " It 's supposed to hurt , " he replied . " You sold pot and got yourself expelled from school . . . You ARE thinking about that while I 'm spanking you , right ? " He began the rapid " unusually hard spanks " once again and I screamed for dear life , holding tighter onto the cushion and moving uncontrollably . I was shaking so much because it hurt so badly and I was sorry for ever doing what I had done , but I couldn 't tell him because I was crying so hard . I tried to stop kicking so much , but with all of his effort pounding down onto my bare bottom , it was harder than it seemed . After carrying on like this for minutes , he finally stopped . I let go of the cushion and moved my hands back to rub out the sting , but he caught them instead . I whined and wept more while he gripped my hands tightly behind my back . Without letting me regain my composure , he lifted me up and led me to the side of the couch . He leaned me over the couch at a position in which my feet were lifted from the ground and I had to hold myself up with my hands , so I wouldn 't fall . This was probably a good idea , because I knew what was coming up would hurt really badly , and if my hands were holding me up , then I couldn 't move them back to block my spanking . The next thing I heard was the sound of a leather belt slipping through the belt loops of Terrence 's jeans . This caused me to make a big uproar , crying and pleading at him . " Pleaseeeee , Terrenceeeeeeee , nooooooooo ! " I begged . " I 'm s - sorryyyyyyyyyy ! " " OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! " I screamed , wiggling my bottom to try and get the sting out , fresh tears flowing freely from my eyes . " I 'm sorryyyyy , I 'm sorrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyy ! " He landed four more loud whacks on my already flaming bottom , two centered on my sit - spots and causing me to nearly leap up from my position . Luckily , Terrence had his hand on my back and was making sure that I remained lying over the couch . He paused then landed four more , then four more , and repeated that routine a few more times . I never knew that Terrence could swing so hard . I mean , I knew from first hand experience that when he took off his belt , he meant business , from that time I had stolen something for the second time , but I never realized that he could swing THAT hard . It took me a minute to realize that he had stopped , for my crying was so loud , I couldn 't even hear the spanks anymore , and my bottom was throbbing so much that it was almost numb . I stayed lying like that for a minute , hoping that it was all over . He finally lifted me back up , making sure that he kept a firm hold on my hands so I wouldn 't rub . When I was lifted up , he let go of my hands and I wiped the tears from my eyes . He held onto my upper arm and spanked me with his hand while I was standing upright . " Good , " he said , still keeping a grip on me with his left arm . He marched me over to the corner , spanking me with each step . " You will SMACK ! stand SMACK ! in this SMACK ! corner SMACK ! until I SMACK ! tell SMACK ! you to SMACK ! move SMACK SMACK ! Understand ? SMACK ! " I exclaimed " ow " after each smack and said , " yessss , I understand owwww yesssssss ! " It hurt to walk from him spanking my sit spots , that crease in between my thighs and my bottom , and it stung like hell while I stood in the corner , trying not to reach behind me and rub my bottom . I stood there for about five minutes or so and finally Terrence spoke . I turned and walked slowly towards him . He held his arms out invitingly and I walked towards him , allowing him to pull me in for a hug . I cried into his chest and he stroked my hair , hushing me and calming me down . I muttered how sorry I was and he just told me that it would be okay , we would figure out a way to get me back in school , and he told me how much he loved me . Finally , he let go and looked me in the eyes . " Brianna , I love you , you 're the best sister I could ask for . . . I know you know how upset I am that you got yourself into so much trouble , but I 'm going to try my hardest to have them let you back in school . Is there any way that you could tell me who the people were that helped you with this ? " I nodded and gave him a big hug , then bent down to get my panties that had somehow ended up on the floor , probably from all of my kicking . " Terrence , I love you . . . " I said , letting one final tear slip down my cheek . " Thanks , " I whispered and tiptoed to my room , wincing with each step from the pain . I wasn 't angry at Terrence at all for spanking me . . . I deserved it and I was glad that he loved me enough to do what he did . I flopped down on my bed and buried my head into my pillow , only to fall into a dreamless sleep . I 've written over 200 spanking stories since the age of 15 . My work has been featured in CF Publications , and my first full - length ebook ( Spanked by Her Brother ) was published in April 2016 by LSF Publications . I love chatting with people , so feel free to add me on social media and strike up a conversation : ) Outside of spanking , I enjoy traveling , partying , philosophizing , thinking about sociology , guitar hero , roller coasters , and being spontaneous . View my complete profile |
Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on September 25 , 2012 Before you jump into today 's post , I 'd like to bring to your attention a story a reader shared with me last night . Being the hopeless romantic I am , I was so touched by their story . Check it out here . When CK and I got home after a long night out on the town , we argued about the timing of the following morning . I was insistent we would keep our plans , or I would leave him behind . I wasn 't going to flake on Boston because he wanted to stay out at the bar that night . I realized we weren 't making much progress , and we were only staying up longer by arguing , so I set my alarm and climbed into bed . The next day , I woke up and started reaching out to Boston . Much to my chagrin , he wasn 't responding . I tried over and over and over again via text and phone , but still no response . I 'd already managed to get CK up , and he was being incredibly cooperative considering how early it was and how little sleep we got . I wasn 't happy because I got in an argument with CK over this , and now Boston was flaking on me . I was trying so hard to salvage this so CK wouldn 't flip out on me when I told him Boston wasn 't responding . I hit up Hip to see if he 'd be interested in the beach . It 'd been some time since we hung out , and I thought it would make CK much happier to have one of his friends there . I asked D and his girlfriend if they wanted to join us at the beach , and surprisingly , they were in . They would just be joining us a little later . I also reached out to my sister , and I learned she was driving out to the beach . We were planning to take the train , but now that Boston was missing in action , I asked her if she would give us a ride . Now , I had to manage the logistics of getting someone from Brooklyn , CK and I in Hell 's Kitchen and my sister coming from Hoboken through midtown coordinated . CK and I were making great time . We hopped in a cab , and it was looking like we would all get to our meeting point at the same time . I couldn 't have been happier and more stressed . My sister arrived a few minutes before us , and we all piled into her car and were off to the beach . This was the first time my sister met Hip . I had a feeling they would get along since Hip is such a mellow guy and easy to get along with , but in her usual fashion , she took a little warming up . Once she warmed up to him , they were really hitting it off . As we drove , I texted Boston telling him we were on our way and invited him to join us out there when he and the girl he was staying with got moving for the day , but I had a strong feeling I wasn 't going to see him . About half way out there , he finally called and told me he was way too hungover to come out to the beach . He offered to meet up later that evening , so I told him I would hit him up on my way home . We arrived at the beach and spread out , taking over a solid chunk of beach . D and his girlfriend were on their way and would be joining us shortly . This day was going so much more smoothly than I ever thought possible . The weather was gorgeous , and we were all having a blast . I was really enjoying being with such a great group . Everyone was relaxed and having fun . We took a picture together , and we all agreed it was the picture of the summer . Now that summer is over , I can testify it was , at least for me . Later in the day , CK and I decided to go for a jog / walk . It was nice to separate from the group for a little and take a nice stroll . We talked about the night before , and he apologized . He also thanked me for such a great day . The biggest smile grew across my face . I know I was stressed that morning and annoyed how things were playing out , but it was all worth it to have such a fun and carefree day . I was so happy with him . I loved him , and I couldn 't see myself with any other man . He was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with . We stopped to take pictures on the rocks of the jetty . This quickly turned into a typical CK photo shoot , which I 'm not the most thrilled with . I 'm not a fan of having my picture taken because 99 % of the time , I hate the results . I don 't like being in the spotlight , but CK does . When I take the pictures of him , I know these pictures will be sorted through as fodder for his Instagram feed . This is yet another account of my attention not being enough . He still needed the attention of his adoring fans . I wasn 't crushed by this . I have thicker skin than that , but it didn 't exactly have a positive effect on my feelings . On top of that , I knew everyone was about ready to go home when we started our walk . I didn 't want to make them wait too long to leave . I tried to be a good sport and shot some pictures of him and even let him snap a few of me , but the time came for me to insist we return to the group . As we walked back , we passed two hot and I can only assume straight men walking the opposite direction . As we passed , CK not only made a comment regarding their aesthetic , but took the conversation one step further and asked if I would ever entertain the idea of fooling around with another couple ( acknowledging a previous unprovoked sentiment I stated expressing my lack of interest in ever bringing another person into our relationship ) . I immediately started getting very anxious , and my heart sank a little . I was immediately taken back to the previous night with him looking around the bar to see who was looking at him . I was right back to worrying I would not be enough for him . My heart beat started pacing . I immediately and definitively expressed to him my feelings on this , and I think he recognized how worked up this was making me . I told him this was my worry when I finally came out . I didn 't know if I could ever find a man who would settle down with me and give me a " traditional " relationship . I realized that 's not for everyone , but that 's what I wanted . It 's not something I wanted to compromise on , nor do I think it 's something I should budge on . Now , I was worrying if CK was the right man for me . " This isn 't something I want . I just wanted to know if you would be open to this , " he said . I responded , " If it 's not something you want or you 're interested in , then why did you bring it up ? If this is coming up now when everything is fresh and fun , how 's it going to be ten years from now ? Will I ever be enough for you ? " He started backtracking immediately . He put his hands on my shoulders and said , " Babe , you are who I want . No one else . I was just asking the question , not proposing we do it . " I explained to him how worried I was that it was even brought up . He managed to calm me down and acknowledged that knowing that was off the table does not make him want to stop dating me . He added , " You have nothing to worry about . I want to spend the rest of my life with you . " I was a bit more relaxed , but I was still questioning if I was enough for CK . It had been the theme of many of my past relationships , and I didn 't want to go through that again . When we got back , we all packed up and headed home . On the ride home , I fell asleep in CK 's lap . Unbeknownst to me , Hip and my sister we 're now like two peas in a pod . They were having so much fun together blasting music and weaving through traffic . D and his girlfriend were following , so when traffic came to a halt , Hip climbed up through the sunroof and started making faces and flailing around at them . When we got back to the city , my sister dropped the three of us off at CK 's . He needed to pack an overnight bag before we went back to Hoboken for the night . We hung out for a majority of the evening before finally taking the bus to the other side of the Hudson River . Not before getting ice cream , of course . In the end , I didn 't get to hang out with Boston before he left town . It just didn 't work out . Maybe I 'd have to wait another year to finally see him . All in all , it was a great day . I had so much fun hanging with my friend and CK 's friends . It was completely refreshing to see his friends getting along with my friends . It wasn 't all roses and sunshine , however . I was still worried I wasn 't the man CK was looking for . I worried I was looking for him to settle down with me , and he wasn 't quite ready for that . It 's not that I didn 't trust him to not cheat on me so much as worrying we didn 't have the same relationship goals and outlook . Only time would tell if our paths were heading in the same direction . Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on September 24 , 2012 As gay men , CK and I had been anticipating the release of Magic Mike with bated breath . One Friday night , CK suggested we check it out . When he said we , I assumed he meant just the two of us , but I quickly came to learn we included Old News as well . As long as we were inviting friends , I knew P wanted to see the movie as well , so I reached out to her . This was two - fold because it would also help balance the scale since I wasn 't exactly comfortable with how Old News was with CK . We were all planning to gather in midtown to check out a late showing . I was meeting CK at his apartment before the movie , and when I arrived , I learned Old News would be meeting us there as well before walking to the theater together . I already couldn 't wait . From the moment Old News arrived , he began schmoozing CK . A friendly greeting with a hug is completely acceptable , but the kiss on the cheek was a little unnecessary . This was no air kiss , and I know because I was behind CK looking right at him as he did it . It probably was not his intent , but I felt it may have been done for my benefit . I didn 't like it - Not one bit . All I could do was stand by and watch this without saying anything . I would have to wait to have a private conversation with CK later . Of course , he was very cordial toward me , but I couldn 't have cared less . I still had a bad taste left in my mouth from the last time we hung out at XL . That night , I was going to get the answer to a question that arose every time he came around . Was he actually flirting with CK because of lingering feelings , or was I imagining things ? I had an advantage that night . I had two sets of eyes on him . I had asked P to watch and tell me if my suspicions were correct . We met P in front of the theater , and as we took our seats , what transpired next could not have made me happier . It just so happened , as we walked into the theater , the order was Old News , myself , CK and finally P . So , when we sat , I was between Old News and CK , and I was thrilled . When CK and I go to the movies , we 're fairly affectionate in the way we sit . We hold hands or put our arms around each other . I wasn 't going to change that this time , and Old News was about to get a front row seat to this . Maybe he 'd realized the CK ship has sailed . He was my man now , and it was time to back off and learn to simply be his friend . Nothing more . Don 't get me wrong . I didn 't want Old News out of the picture completely . He was CK 's friend . I simply wanted him to respect the relationship between CK and I . The theater was a sh * t show - Like being in an actual strip club . Women were everywhere , shouting and squealing at the screen as they jumped out of their seats in excitement . I was shocked I didn 't see a dollar bill or two go flying in the air . As we left the theater , Old News commented to us , " Wow ! It smells like wet vagina in here ! Do you smell that ? " I thought the comment was hysterical because he was pretty spot on , but I wasn 't exactly in the frame of mind to laugh at his jokes yet . We stopped on the corner of the street to discuss what we wanted to do next . None of us had eaten , so food was discussed , but no one would make a decision . Finally , we landed on heading back to CK 's apartment to smoke and hang out . As we walked down the street , Old News was joking and what I would certainly call flirting with CK . When the opportunity arose , he 'd throw an arm around him or pat him on the back . Don 't get me wrong . I 'd seen this interaction time and time again with Hip , and I had no problem with it . In fact , I welcomed it . It all seemed completely different with Old News . Old News would draw CK into a conversation , and the two of them continued on as if P and I didn 't exist . At some point , CK noticed I was a bit out of sorts . He hung back with me and asked what 's wrong . I reiterated how I felt Old News was flirting and still had a crush on him . Once again , he told me I was imagining things . I started to get adamant , and I think he finally realized how much this bothered me . If he was willing to act like this in front of me , what would Old News try to do if I wasn 't around . Like I said , it wasn 't CK I trusted , it was Old News . After chatting for so long , I 'm sure he realized something was up . We agreed to talk about it again later and returned back to the other two . We hung out at CK 's for quite some time , and around 2 : 00am , we decided to go to Flaming Saddles , and P decided to head home . As I walked her out I asked her what she thought . She agreed he was still flirting , but to a bit of a lesser degree . It was all I needed to confirm I wasn 't being irrational . I thanked her and gave her a hug goodnight . I wasn 't thrilled with the idea of going out since it was already quite late , and we were going to the beach the following morning with Boston and a few others . As our group was shrinking by one , we were also growing by two . CK 's roommate and his assistant joined us . The night was only getting better and better . When we arrived at Flaming Saddles , no one was there . Instead , we continued on to Industry . It was a good scene , and the good news was that CK and I were dancing . Old News seemed to disappear . However , it wasn 't long before I felt I was beginning to disappear too . I was slowly but surely getting comfortable with going to gay bars , but I was also learning something about CK in gay bars I didn 't exactly appreciate . When we danced , I never felt like I was dancing with just him . I felt like I was dancing with the entire bar . He danced , and I was tried to dance next to him . He constantly looked around to see who was looking at him , gently touching guys as they passed by him . I never had his full attention . This was only exacerbated when he stepped up on the stage , and I was two steps below him . I felt like I was there with a go - go boy , and I have to admit I was a little crushed . It hurt . Was my attention not enough for him ? Did he need the eyes of every other guy in the room ? This brought up a lot of worries I 'd been having about our relationship . I was worried I wasn 't enough for him , and that was all I wanted . We ended up closing down the bar at 4 : 00am . We were all starving , so we foraged for food . We settled on Empanada Mama and grabbed a table outside . They had a packed house , so it took forever for us to get our food . When it finally arrived , everyone dug in . When I went to grab my second empanada , it was gone . I looked across the table and noticed Old News shoveling it into his pie hole . I don 't think he took it on purpose , but it was a perfect picture of my relationship with him . First , he was trying to steal my man . Now , he was stealing my food . I was already agitated by Old News , but at this point , it was 6 : 00am and the sun was starting to come up . As the time ticked on , I grew more and more anxious about getting up the next day to follow through on my plans . CK was already so tired he actually fell asleep at the table . It was time to go home and go to bed . We said goodbye and made our way home . While we walked he turned to me and said , " You 're nuts if you think we 're heading to the beach tomorrow at 10 : 00 . " That set me off . I told CK about my plans to go to the beach days prior to this . He should have planned accordingly . This was important to me . I hadn 't seen Boston in over a year . He was completely disregarding my plans , and I was furious . " You 're nuts if you think we 're not . " He looked at me with a confused look . I explained how upset I was and of course started getting loud . The fact that he remembered the beach plans and completely disregarded them was incredibly demeaning . In doing so , he was telling me that his unplanned fun mattered and my planned day did not . We could have called it quits at any point throughout the night so we could have done a bit of both . Had he brought it up before 6 : 00am , I probably would have been receptive of a compromise . I would have said we could leave around 11 : 00 so we could stay out a little later . At this point , after being told I 'm nuts , I wasn 't about to give up any ground . I told him I was going , with or without him . I had made plans with a friend visiting from out - of - town , and I wasn 't about to back out because he wanted to stay out all night . Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on September 20 , 2012 Let me first start off today 's post by apologizing for my extended absence . I 've been quite busy as of late and have a lot going on in my life right now . I promise you I will make a more concerted effort to dedicate time to the blog . I am truly touched by those who reached out to me expressing both concern and unhappiness regarding the lack of posts . I will do my bet not to let you down . That being said , on with the show … I 'd been dating CK for 2 . 5 months . To some , that may seem like a long time . To others , it 's the lifespan of a fruit fly . For me , I didn 't see it as a definitive amount of time . I saw it as a period during which my relationship was growing and evolving . Over the course of that time , I was learning . I was learning a lot about CK and about myself . I was learning what it takes to be in a real relationship of substance . I was trying to do things the right way this time , however , there is no right way . You just make it work . I was struggling with trusting CK . I was constantly aware of the medium in which we were introduced to each other , and I was relatively aware of CK 's past . They didn 't instill the greatest of confidence in me . On top of that , I was still carrying issues with me from the other men who hurt me . I 'm sure , by now , you 're tired of hearing about that , but I can guarantee you weren 't as tired of carrying that around as I was . One thing CK and I differed on was gay friends . I didn 't really have too many of them in my posse . Sure , Boston always gave me sage advice , and one of my volleyball teammates I 'd known since high school was gay , but it 's not even enough to field a full team . Since I didn 't have too many gay friends , I never did get some of the idiosyncrasies that came with them , such as calling my gay male friends gerrlll . It just wasn 't part of my vernacular . But , one slow day at work , I pulled out my headphones and watched The Adventures of Priscilla Queen of the Desert on HBOGo , and finally I got it . It made sense to me . I didn 't see myself throwing it around all the time , but I finally got the bond it signified . Speaking of gay friends , one of the few I had was visiting New York that weekend . It 'd been a long time since I last saw Boston . I was very excited anticipating his arrival . I hoped we could hang out while he was in town . We 'd both gotten rather busy , and we found it hard to make sure we kept in touch . However , he wasn 't arriving until the weekend . Friday morning , I woke up to the sound of CK 's alarm blasting while he laid sound asleep . I roused him to turn it off , and I was wide awake . I motivated us to get out of bed and toss around the medicine ball while watching TV and eating breakfast . When we finished , my blood was flowing , and I was feeling rather frisky . I attempted to seduce CK , and it worked . We had less than little time since we 'd already leisurely worked out and ate , but I could tell he was also feeling frisky . I didn 't have to go to work because I had a random day off , but CK did . He conceded to having sex , but insisted I give him a ride to the PATH on my motorcycle before we continued . It was a deal . With that , I pounced . There was little I enjoyed more than morning sex . I was almost always horny and raring to go first thing , but after working out , I certainly needed a release . We had GREAT sex that morning . It was passionate and rough and gentle in all the right ways . I couldn 't get enough , and I couldn 't keep my hands off him . As amazing as it was , the clock was ticking , and CK had a meeting to get to at work . We needed to stop . That certainly wasn 't an easy decision to make , but I knew it was the right thing to do . We hopped in the shower , and he finished getting ready for work . When he was ready , I drove him to the PATH and kissed him goodbye . I sped home and finished myself off . It was all I could do to last that long . He really got me going , and like I said , I needed a release . After all the foreplay and sex with CK , the explosion was quite forceful and bountiful . It was a shame he wasn 't there to witness it . CK texted me from work asking me if I wanted to see Magic Mike that night . I figured it 'd be a really fun experience for us to go , so I was definitely in . What I wasn 't aware of was that he was planning to invite his old fling , Old News . I wasn 't thrilled with this idea , but I went with it because he was a friend . What I was thrilled with was Hip and Old News setting up a date , but when I learned that never really took off , I was disappointed . I didn 't really have anything against him . He was a nice guy , but he was a nice guy who happened to like my man . This was going to be part of growing for me . I needed to learn to trust him . But , it wasn 't really CK who I didn 't trust - It was Old News . In the few interactions I had with him , it was clear to me he wasn 't over CK yet . He wanted more , and I was clearly in the way of that . When CK opened up movie night to other friends , I did the same . I reached out to P to see if she wanted to join us , and I was thrilled to hear she would be joining us . Before we went into the city to meet up with the other two , I prepped P . I asked her to do me a favor . I asked her to watch the interaction between CK and Old News . I wanted someone else 's perspective on the situation . I needed to know if it was just my imagination or something I needed to keep an eye on . She agreed to observe and report back . P wasn 't the only one to whom I 'd brought attention to my issue with Old News . CK knew I thought he still had a crush on him , but he was in denial . He didn 't agree with me . He pointed out the frank conversation they 'd had in which CK explained to him extensively their friendship and nothing more . I wasn 't convinced , and that night , someone else would determine for me once and for all how to proceed with Old News . Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on September 7 , 2012 One weekday , CK and I woke at my apartment , and I dragged him out of bed to toss around the medicine ball while we watched TV before work . I was motivated and a bit stressed , so I wanted to work out . We talked about working together to get our bodies back in shape before summer ended . It was miraculous I got him out of bed so quickly . The planets aligned for us on the TV too . His favorite talking head , Rachel Maddow , was on my favorite talking head 's show , Real Time with Bill Maher . That was something we could both agree on . When we were done working out , I made us some very healthy and delicious eggs for breakfast , if I do say so myself . Of course , because of our morning workout , we were a little delayed . We showered and got dressed quickly . On the way to the PATH , I wanted to grab a coffee , but CK was running later than he 'd liked . He protested , and when I saw a long line , I passed . When we passed a second Dunkin Donuts , I told him I wanted to swing through . He 'd apparently had enough and said goodbye on the spot . He wasn 't going to wait for me , and rightfully so . Better judgment kicked in , and I accompanied him to the PATH instead , where we rode together to his stop and gave each other a kiss goodbye . Not only was I motivated to get my body in shape but also motivated to get my career in shape . Work was evolving drastically for me . I 'd just taken on a new role I created for myself after chatting with my boss a few weeks prior . I pointed out our missed opportunity in the social media department and described how I could fill the void . After all , I had some experience in the social world ( even though I couldn 't exactly show him my " portfolio " ) . I thought this could be the ticket to my future . Finally , I found something I could turn into a career instead of a job that generated me a paycheck . Something more than where work was just something I did between my time off . It wasn 't going to be easy , and there were bound to be a lot of speed bumps . However , it wasn 't anything I couldn 't handle . That morning , I was really thrown a curveball I wasn 't expecting . I was called in for my review , and it was less than stellar . I had anticipated this , and it 's the main reason I approached my boss with the social media proposition in the first place . Just when I didn 't think it could get any worse , I learned my boss was altering his role at the company as well . He was taking a far less active role , and it didn 't bode well for me . My day was heading downhill fast . Little did I know , but it was about to turn kamikaze . Not only was my boss taking on a lesser role , but we were also merging with another company . My heart was in my throat for the remainder of the day . My first reaction was fear . Would I be a redundancy ? Would I be laid off ? As much as this was just a job for me , I needed it very much . I couldn 't even bring myself to text CK or call my family . I was very afraid , ashamed , embarrassed , the list goes one … After that day came to a close , I woke the next day with some clarity . My next reaction was motivation . The fear began to wane , and I realized I needed to put all my efforts into my new venture . It wasn 't easy to get there , however , it was much easier to get through with the support of my man . I 'd told him everything that was going on . He talked me down off the ledge when I was worried I 'd lose my job and made me feel much better about the situation . The fear wasn 't completely gone , and I needed an outlet for my stress . The coworker who left to work at CK 's company asked us to meet her for happy hour at the Standard Biergarten . I had been texting CK that afternoon and asked him to join us . He was being cryptic about what he wanted to do , and told me he may have to work late . I could tell he wasn 't really feeling it , but I really wanted to introduce him to my coworkers . He missed her going away drinks a few weeks earlier , so when this opportunity finally rose again to meet my coworkers , I was pretty persistent . He wasn 't digging it . He had a long day , and he wanted to go home and relax . I was really disappointed , but I also understood . We made plans for him to come to my place for the night when I got home . Shortly after hearing he was heading home , we decided to leave the biergarten . I tried calling and texting CK , but I got radio silence for two hours . I wasn 't quite sure what was going on , so I decided to lace up and head out for a run . I needed to clear my head and work on my body again . I still couldn 't figure out why he wasn 't responding to me at all . After my run , I finally got a text telling me he was heading my way . I started to make dinner , and when he texted me asking for a ride , I decided to go radio silent . Sure , I know it was petty , but I was in the middle of making dinner . I also didn 't appreciate him not getting back me when we 'd discussed I 'd call him when I was heading home . When he arrived all that no longer mattered . We were both in good spirits because we were there to hug and comfort each other . That 's what it really comes down to at the end of the day , literally . I loved him , and he made me happy . We sat and ate dinner together , but when I put my hand on his thigh , I felt something sticky / slimy . I pointed it out to him , and he didn 't have an explanation for it . My overactive mind immediately went to work connecting dots . Was it lube ? Was that where he was for the two hours I couldn 't get ahold of him ? I could go on for hours . In turn , I got quiet . I was deep in thought and wasn 't quite sure what to say . After we ate , we sat on the couch watching TV . After some time , I suggested we head to bed . I was exhausted , and my head was spinning , but he wasn 't tired . Of course , we both fell asleep on the couch , waking up around three o ' clock in the morning , finally moving to my bed . I tried to put all doubt out of my head . Worrying about it would do no good , and I realized I was making quite a bit of a leap . There was a bigger picture here . I loved him . I won 't say that I squashed all doubt in my mind , but I managed to push it deep down so it wouldn 't continue bubbling up … Posted by One Gay at a Time in Gay Dating on September 4 , 2012 Monday morning , after a long Pride Weekend , CK and I woke in my bed . As per usual , I woke to the feeling of his lips pressing against mine . It was raining outside , and all I wanted to do was cuddle with him for the rest of the day . That wasn 't an option . Bills had to be paid , so money had to be made . We got out of bed and went through our morning routine . I liked our morning routine . We 'd hop in the shower together while listening to music and talking about what we had on our plates for the day . It started out as something fun and sexual , but it really turned into a bonding moment for us every day . I looked forward to our shower chats . On days we were both struggling , we 'd simply lather up next to each other not saying a word , simply exchanging periodic gentle kisses . I 've also never had such a clean back as I did since we started this . After we showered , we got dressed and ate breakfast while watching Chelsea Lately . This had also become a part of the morning routine . Either I 'd make some breakfast with the wonderful help of my sous chef , or we 'd each pour ourselves a bowl of Reese 's Puffs , Kellogg 's , or some other cereal . That morning , I wouldn 't be able to ride the PATH with CK . I had an allergy shot , so I had to say goodbye to him in front of the doctor 's office in the rain . I began missing him almost immediately . Later that day , we chatted while at work . Since he 's my boyfriend , he knows all about the blog and is an avid readers . This particular day , he enjoyed the blog but had some critiques to deliver as well . It was turning out to be the new norm for us . This was a typical day . When I finished work , I went to his place to spend the night . We were going to make dinner together , but he was constantly distracted by the television . I liked when making dinner was a team effort . I resented it a lot less . I pointed this out to him , but deep down I 'd come to accept this about him . Cooking wasn 't his strong suit - It was mine . Whenever I made food for him , he greatly appreciated it , so in turn , I appreciated making it for him . I just didn 't want it to become my duty . After our discussion , he came back to helping me while we both chatted with his new roommate who was sitting on the couch . I liked the new guy . He was very sane and likable , which is more than I could say for some of his other " roommates . " There was always a slew of people there , and they were quite the cast of characters . This guy was very normal and easy to have an intelligent conversation with . Once dinner was prepared , we ate while watching TV and went to bed . I have always shot to be in bed around 11 : 30 . As I get older , I find I need closer to eight hours of sleep . CK , on the other hand , had a harder time falling asleep at that hour . He needed a book or to watch Rachel Maddow or Game of Thrones on his iPad to fall asleep . Our routine continued . Tuesdays after work , we went to yoga in the park . After yoga , we 'd try to catch a free movie using my friends ' movie passes . Some nights we 'd stay in and cook , and other nights , we 'd have food delivered or burn up a Groupon or Living Social . Some mornings we 'd fool around before work , and sometimes , we 'd have our romp between the sheets before bedtime . However , no matter what time it occurred , it was always great . Sure , we weren 't having sex as often as we did the first month we were together , but that certainly doesn 't mean it was lacking or of any lesser quality by any stretch of the imagination . One night when he wasn 't feeling 100 % and mentioned going to the doctor , I offered to go with him . As we discussed it , I began to tear up a bit . I started thinking about domestic partnership , and I got a little choked up and began to tear up . I never loved anyone before , but I truly loved this man . The thought of something serious happening to him and not being able to be with him because of legalities rocked me quite a bit . He consoled me in the way he does when I get overly emotional , and everything was fine again . We slept together almost every night , whether in my bed or his , and woke up feeling secure and happy knowing the other was inches away . I found it hard to sleep when he wasn 't sleeping next to me . Some mornings , it was a real treat for me because I got to wake him up with a kiss . It 's funny to write this and realize how much we sound like an old married couple . We found a routine and got very comfortable together . If it weren 't for things like circuit parties the weekend before , I 'd say we may have become a very boring couple , however , I wouldn 't trade it for the world . Of course it was fun when we hung out with my friend and his friends , but nothing made me happier than just hanging out with my man . I loved him dearly , and he was everything I needed . |
Dragons in the Dark - Chapter - Glory 's Birthday " I 'm sorry , babe . I have to work today . Are you okay on your own ? I 'm off at 4 so we can go to my mom 's . " Glory was still wrapped in Lucas ' arms but her alarm had just gone off . " Come shower with me , " she whispered against his lips . " Start this birthday off right . " She rolled out of bed trying to pull him out with her . " I 'm going to work through so I can take off a little earlier . Unless you really want to meet me for lunch . I 'm only getting off early so I can be with you , so either way works for me , " Glory said , coquettishly . Glory gave him an impatient look . " You don 't have to buy me anything , you know . I 'm not in this for the goodies . " " I know … that 's what makes buying you something even more fun . You don 't expect it . Do you know how refreshing that is ? " Lucas asked . " I 'll grab something later . I 'm not hungry yet , " Lucas said , grabbing a towel to hand to Glory before taking one for himself . Glory finished drying off and by the time Lucas had finished drying off and shaving , she was in the kitchen having breakfast and making her lunch . He pulled some clothes out of his suitcase and went into the kitchen to join her . She spent the rest of the day in a bit of a daze . Most of her co - workers came by to wish her a happy birthday . Her boss had a card for her and chatted with her for a few minutes about her plans for that night . He had met Lucas at the art show the month before and would often come and talk to her about what Lucas was doing in his professional life . Desirée wanted to take her to lunch , but she begged off , saying that she was meeting Lucas after work , so they made plans to go out the next day . When 4 o ' clock came around , Glory was packed up and ready to leave as soon as the clock struck the hour . She was trying not to be too excited about what Lucas might have bought her , but that was a hard sell . She was also excited to introduce him to her mom and sister and the rest of her family as her boyfriend ! Again , she couldn 't keep the smile from her face when she thought about it . She gave him a sideways look and took the box over to the couch to open . What was inside was magenta and satin - y and very skimpy . " Are you sure this is for me and not you ? " she asked , looking at him sitting next to her on the couch . Inside the second package was a purple camisole with a lace edging along the neckline . It had spaghetti straps and fell to her hips . Underneath it were the matching bra and panties . " Wow … and these all seem to be my size . Should I be concerned at how comfortable you are buying women 's lingerie ? " Glory asked with a laugh . " I 've never dated anyone who didn 't like receiving lingerie , and , you 're right , it 's partially for me , too . " He smiled at her . " Were you going to change for your mom 's ? Wear these . " He held up the box with the camisole in it for her to take into the bedroom . Glory took a lot of care getting dressed . She had a dress that she wanted to wear that night and the lace on the camisole just peeked out around the neckline and complemented the navy blue dress perfectly . The bra and panties were a perfect fit , which made Glory wonder a little bit about Lucas . She hadn 't asked , but now she wondered how many girls there had been before her . Could she ask now that they were dating ? " Well , we were lovers before this weekend . No real commitment , we could see other people , just getting together for sex , " Lucas said . " A girlfriend , I consider as someone I 'm in an exclusive relationship with . There 's sex , but there 's more . " " Okay , so the 5 lovers never got to be girlfriends . So there have been 5 lovers and 5 girlfriends before me , " Glory said , nodding her head . " That 's not bad . " " Okay … " She paused for a minute to count . " Well , I 've had 4 boyfriends , but more lovers . I 've had a few one night stands and some non - committed relationships … maybe 10 in all . " " Nope . Not much you could have told me would have freaked me out , " he said . " Just because I 've been a monk , I don 't expect others to be . Are you ready to go ? " Beth met them at the door of her apartment with a big hug and a kiss for Glory . " Happy birthday , darling . I can 't believe that you 're 30 ! " She kissed Glory on the cheek again and waved her into the house . " Well , that 's nice . How 's it going to work with you guys living so far apart ? " Beth asked , her brow furrowing in concern . " We 're not sure yet , Beth , " Lucas answered . " We 'll play it by ear for now and see what happens . Hopefully , at some point , we 'll be able to find a way to live in the same city anyway . For right now , it 'll have to be a long - distance relationship . " " Congratulations are in order , then . I hope it works out for you guys , " Beth said , lifting her glass of wine up to toast them both . Lucas put his arm around Glory and lifted his beer to toast the two women . There were lots of congratulations for the happy couple and then Beth called them into the dining room for dinner . Steak and potatoes with asparagus was one of Glory 's favourite meals and she ate with gusto . After they were done , Beth brought out a chocolate cake almost completely covered in candles ! " Mom , you didn 't actually have to put 30 candles on the cake . Way to make me feel old ! " Glory said , smiling after they had all sang her ' Happy Birthday ' . The box contained a beautiful red and black cardigan . The colour faded from black at the top to red at the bottom . It flared prettily at the bottom and looked great over her navy blue dress . She spun once to show the flare of the sweater . " Maybe … " Lucas said . Glory opened the box and found a dainty ring inside . There were 2 stones , one dark blue , the other , light blue . Glory tried it on her right hand ring finger and held it up to the light . The smile on her face told Lucas that this had been the exact right gift to give her . She turned to him and wrapped her arms around his neck and said , " Thank you , babe . It 's perfect ! " " You 're welcome , sweetie . It looks really pretty on your hand . I knew I 'd have to find something delicate , " he said , turning his head to kiss her neck through her hair . Beth kept her eyes downcast , looking at the ring and nodded . " Don 't move too fast , okay ? You guys have lots of time , " she said . Once everyone had a piece of cake in front of them , the conversation turned to inconsequential things as they ate . There was much laughter with Lucas there . He had a great sense of humour and lots of great stories from his movie - shoots and hanging out with other Hollywood types . His humour was light and self - deprecating and put everyone at ease . They moved the party to the living room after the cake was done and spent another couple of hours talking and laughing . Beth watched Glory with Lucas and she could see that there was love there . She was more than a little concerned about the long - distance nature of their relationship , but she hoped they 'd find a way to work that out . It was about 10 pm when Glory called it a night . She still had to work the next day , although she had let them know that she would be in late so she could see Lucas off at the airport . She had a new nighty to try out that night , so she had a great reason to head home a little early . " He seems like a nice guy and Glory adores him . It should be alright , " Claire said . " He 's a lot of fun to be around . " Lucas and Glory fell giggling into her apartment . She had been teasing him all the way home and now was his turn to get even . He pressed his lips to hers and cupped her breast through the material of her dress , camisole and bra . " You 're wearing too much clothes , " he said , huskily . Glory reached down and grabbed the bottom of her dress and lifted it over her head . She tossed it over onto the couch and returned to Lucas ' embrace . " Better ? " she said . " Much , " he said and swooped down to scoop her into his arms . " Bedtime , baby . " He carried her into the bedroom and dropped her on the bed and lay over her kissing her face and neck , then moving down lower . Glory closed her eyes as he moved his lips and tongue slowly down her body , teasing and arousing her and bringing her to a shattering orgasm , before moving up to thrust himself deep inside of her to find his own release . Lucas held her gently in his arms as she slowly came back to her senses . " Yeah , that 's going to be fun ! I can 't wait for everyone to meet you ! My mom 's been bugging me , especially since Greg and Kayla have met you , " Lucas said , a slow smile spreading across his face at the thought of his mom . " Can you swing an extra - long weekend ? Maybe come up on Friday and fly back on Monday ? " " Maybe . Let me ask at work . I 've got lots of vacation time left for this year , so I should be able to . If I can work from there , I may be able to come for longer . I 'll check with my boss this week and I can let you know . Will we be staying at your mom 's ? You mentioned your condo in Boston once . " " We 'll probably stay with mom the night of the party , but we 'll be staying at my condo . I can 't wait for you to see it . I 've got your painting up and it looks great ! " Lucas said . Glory didn 't say anything for a few minutes . Lucas stroked her hair off of her face before asking her , " Everything okay ? You got awfully quiet all of a sudden . " " Yeah , " she said and paused for a few more seconds . " No . All of those people have met your other girlfriends and lovers . I don 't know how I 'll stack up . " " They all love me . The fact that I love you will be enough for them . I surround myself with some pretty awesome people , so I don 't think you need to worry , " he said , quietly . " Yeah , but the party will be on Saturday , " he said . " If you can come up on Thursday or Friday and then fly home on Monday or Tuesday , that would be great ! Even if you have to work part of that time , that should should be fine . I 'll have to help my mom set up for the party anyway , so I 'll be busy . " Glory smiled to herself and snuggled in closer in to his side . " Just don 't abandon me with a bunch of strangers , okay ? I had a boyfriend who always used to do that to me and it made me really uncomfortable . " She had closed her eyes and suddenly realizing how tired she was . " Don 't worry , love . I 'll stay right by your side . But I don 't think these people will be strangers to you for long , " Lucas said , softly . " They are going to love you just as much as I do . " By bluemaplein Dragons in the Dark , RomanceMay 23 , 20173 , 673 WordsLeave a comment Dragons in the Dark - Chapter 9 - Tourists Glory woke slowly and stretched . Something was different , but she wasn 't sure what it was . She could see light in the room through her closed eyelids so she rolled towards her bedside clock to see the time . 7 : 30 . Wasn 't it the weekend ? she thought . Once she was sure that it was , she rolled back over to go back to sleep . Something was still different and it was tugging at her mind . Someone was cooking bacon ; someone in her apartment . She let a smile grow on her face . It must be her boyfriend . She let that thought sink in for a moment before jumping out of bed and finding some clothes to put on to go and find out what Lucas was up to . " There you are , sleepy head . " Lucas said , turning towards her to give her a kiss before he turned back to flip the bacon again . " I thought I owed you breakfast . " " It 's so early . " Glory complained , sitting down at the table . " Isn 't it the weekend ? And aren 't you on LA time still ? It 's only 4 : 30 AM in LA . " Lucas put a cup of coffee down in front of her and she took it in both hands and took a sip . She smiled to herself when she realized that he knew how she took her coffee . While she cradled her coffee cup , she said , " I love you . " " Coffee 'll do that to you . " he said with a smile from in front of the stove . " And I 'm on Boston time . I 've been off the last couple of weeks . Is it too early for you ? " he asked with concern . " Noon is a good time to get up on a Saturday . 7 : 30 is usually when I get up for a pee so I can go back to sleep . " Glory said , taking another sip of her coffee . " You 've never been this much of an early bird when you 've come to visit before . " Lucas shrugged . " I 'm usually not , especially when I have a beautiful woman next to me in bed . " He winked at her . " But I was awake , so I thought I 'd get a head start on breakfast . " " We did crash pretty early last night . " Lucas said , defensively . " We can go back to bed , if you want . I just wanted to spend as much time with you as I could . Our relationship up to now has been spent mostly in bed . " He raised an eyebrow at her suggestively . " I thought we could do some stuff together today before dinner . " " Out and about with Lucas Wolfe . " Glory said , trying that idea out in her mind . " How many times do you think we 'll be accosted by autograph hounds or people wanting their picture taken with you ? " Glory had spoken lightly , but Lucas could hear the concern behind her words . " Toronto 's actually pretty good . " Lucas said . " If people recognize me , many of them will just wave or yell to me ; not a lot of people actually stop me . " But when we go to New York or LA , people are much bolder . I can sometimes hardly walk down the street , especially if I 'm someplace and word gets out on the internet . " He wanted her to be prepared for this stuff ; the last thing he wanted to do is to have her be spooked by fans and run . And he was getting the feeling she spooked pretty easily . " I don 't know . Is there a lot to see hanging around in downtown Toronto ? " he asked . " Do you want eggs , too , or just bacon and tomato ? " he added . " Bacon and tomato is fine , and , yes , there 's lots to see in downtown Toronto . We could wander up Yonge Street and do some shopping , then we can check out Queen West … it 's not as trendy and hipster as it used to be , but it 's still pretty cool . We can go to Kensington Market and Chinatown and then grab the streetcar down to the CN Tower and Skydome . " Once Glory got started , she realized that there were lots of places she wanted to show him ! Lucas was watching her get excited about showing him her city and he smiled . " Sounds like getting up early was a good idea after all . " he said . Glory smiled back . " Don 't think I 've forgiven you yet , movie - boy ! I value my sleep time on the weekends ! " she teased him . Lucas laughed . " So I 've been downgraded again , have I ? " He turned around to butter the toast that had popped up and was busy for the next couple of minutes assembling Glory 's bacon and tomato sandwich . " Mayo ? " he asked , and looked back to see Glory nod . " Yes . " he answered . " I sent a text to my assistant last night and she got back to me this morning with a 7 pm reservation . Is that okay ? " He sat down at the table across from her with his sandwich , then got up to refresh both of their coffees before settling down to eat . " The time ? Yeah , that works . Might even give us time to come back here and change before dinner . Depending on how much fun we 're having being tourist - y . " she said . Lucas just nodded because he had a mouthful of sandwich . They sat and finished their breakfast , talking about inconsequential things . After a quick shower and clothes and they were out the door . It was an absolutely beautiful day . Glory wore sandals and a flirty little dress , in case they didn 't get to go home and change , and Lucas was casual , but not in jeans . He wore a pair of khakis and a polo shirt over his signature sneakers . " Well , Emilia , I like your shirt . I have one just like it . " he said , pointing at , but not touching her shirt . " How old are you , Emilia ? " " I 'm 8 . " she said , holding up 4 fingers on each hand , " and I love Matt Hunter . " She was starting to lose her shyness in the face of Lucas ' friendliness . " He 's my favourite Brancher . Is he going to be Marta 's boyfriend ? I think he should . What 's going to happen to Ian ? " Marta was another Special Brancher . The last movie had started to bring them into a romantic relationship . Ian was Matt 's best friend from his hometown . Lucas was smiling at her precociousness , and now that her shyness was gone she was not to be stopped . " Are you really mad at Brock ? I like Brock … he 's really cute and funny . " Brock was the commander of Special Branch with whom Mat had a love / hate relationship . Emilia turned to her mom . " Mom , do you have my colouring book so I can show him my picture ? " Emilia 's mom seemed very apologetic . " Sorry , Mr . Wolfe . When she gets going , it 's hard to get her to stop . " She handed Emilia her colouring book so she could turn to the picture she wanted to show Lucas . " See ? It 's you and Brock and Ian fighting . I don 't like it when you fight . Will you ever be friends again ? " Her eyes were pleading as he looked up at him . " Traffic . Sorry . It 's usually not this bad . Figures , eh ? I have a hot man waiting at home for me and I can 't get there , " Glory said . Lucas was putting a pan of pull - apart bread on the table with melted butter , salsa and hummus to dip . " Appetizer … and we can move on to the main course from there , or use this to sustain us through some extended lovemaking , " he said with a little bow . He pulled her chair out from the table for her to sit . It had been just over a month since his last visit , but Glory had been hungering for him . When he had called earlier this week to say he 'd be in town , that hunger had intensified . She wasn 't sure if she could sit calmly across the table from him eating dinner until she had made love to him , but she would give it a try ! The anticipation was delicious ! They chatted about everything and nothing , and although she still yearned to have her hands and mouth on him , Glory found that she was really enjoying talking to him , too . He was so funny and so engaging , their time together seemed to fly by . He brought out the meal when he didn 't see any indication that they were ready to move things to the bedroom : baked chicken with potatoes and salad . Lucas had been to Christopher 's Haven the week before and he told her all about the kids that he had met there this time . It was a home near the Massachusetts General Hospital for kids battling cancer . He made a point to go there at least a couple of times a year and he always came away so inspired by the courageous battles these kids fought . Glory had been to a weekend art retreat since they 'd seen each other and she had gotten some fresh ideas and was utilizing what she 'd learned in her painting . She couldn 't wait to show him her latest pieces . But over dinner , they discussed the use of different brush techniques to convey different emotions and even movement on a canvas . They talked about the Group of Seven and how some of the techniques they 'd used had been taught at this workshop and how Glory was incorporating them into her work . " I can 't wait to see the paintings , " Lucas said . " and the new techniques . I 've got to make time for some classes or workshops . I feel like I need some extra schooling in this . " " Movie - boy … I 'm not sure that I like that , " he said . " Maybe movie - man … ? " He had gotten up , too and now he took her hand to lead her towards the bedroom . The dishes would definitely have to wait . " Well , you 'll have to earn it … " She let her voice trail off as she pulled him in for a kiss and started pulling at her clothes to get them off . She had definitely had enough anticipation ! Lucas was quiet for a long time . He had just wanted to see her ; to hold her in his arms , make love to her , kiss her , hear her laugh at his jokes ; but he didn 't know if she was ready to hear that yet . But , try as he might , he couldn 't think of a good story to tell her this time . She propped herself up on her elbow to look at him . " But that 's not the way this works , is it ? I thought I was a nice diversion when you had to be in town , not the reason you came to town , " she said , holding his eye . Lucas sighed . " Those locations did have to be scouted , but I didn 't have to do it personally , and I could have flown through New York to Berlin with no layover … " He let his voice trail off hoping he had not screwed things up here completely . Lucas laughed , quietly . " Well , that 's a real compliment to my virility , babe , but no , I don 't have a girl in every port . There 's just you . " he said , pulling her in a little closer . Glory needed a minute to take this in . The relationship she 'd thought she had with him wasn 't what it seemed at all . His only girl … despite her doubts , this thought made her feel warm inside . Lucas laughed . " So , you 're okay to take this further ? I know we talked about it a little bit last time and you 're right that living this far apart makes things difficult , but are you willing to try ? " he asked , hopefully . Lucas sighed , then shook his head . He pushed her up so that he could see her face . " I … " he shook his head again , hoping he wasn 't jumping the gun here . " I love you , Glory . I have for a while now . You can call our relationship what you want , but to me , you 're my girlfriend , my only girlfriend . " She looked at him with disbelief ! Lucas Wolfe loved her ! What was she supposed to do with that ? But she didn 't look away . She could see the longing in his eyes ; a longing to hear her say those words to him . Did she love him ? She ran her finger down his cheek and then down over his beard . She moved it to his moustache and then pressed her lips to his in a sweet kiss that went on for a long time . " I know … my mom tells me that all the time , " he said , stroking her cheek with his finger . " You don 't have to say it if you don 't feel it . I can wait . Don 't leave , though . I don 't think I could handle that . " She sniffed and realized that she was crying … why , she didn 't know . Lucas reached up and grabbed her a tissue from the bedside table to blow her nose . " I 'm not going anywhere . Of course I love you ! I didn 't think we were going there . At least not yet . " There was a smile on Lucas ' face that wouldn 't go away . She loved him ! If he ever needed a good reason to live in the present moment , he was holding it in his arms , and right at that moment , he was the happiest he could ever remember being . " Mom 's having everyone over on Monday , which is the actual day … when are you flying out ? Would you be able to stay ? " Glory asked . " Now that you 're my boyfriend , " Glory paused to savour the sound of that word , " it should be fine . If mom doesn 't like it , that 's too bad . Hopefully , she 'll wait until you 're gone before she lectures me . " " No , we can go out . There 's lots of nice places to go … from the CN Tower to some of the more exclusive steak houses in Toronto ; there are a few place out in the suburbs , too , that are really good . Do you like Greek food ? I know a few really nice places in Greektown , " Glory said , offering some suggestions . " I 've never been up the CN Tower , so why don 't I see if I can get reservations there for tomorrow night ? " Lucas asked . " We can go and see the tower and be tourists and then go up for dinner . " Glory smiled . They HAD been keeping things casual , hadn 't they ? " I 'm thirty on Monday , so a bit of a big deal , " she said . " To come to your birthday party and meet all of your friends and family in one place ? Didn 't I do that to you last time you were here ? " Glory said with a little laugh . " As a matter of fact , you did . The difference will be that everyone there already knows about you and I 'll be introducing you as my girlfriend . Might be a little easier … " he said . " Touché , " Glory said , quietly . " Sorry about that . I hadn 't ever expected to have to introduce you to everyone like that . I 'm just glad it went so well . You did make a good impression on my mom , though … she keeps asking when you 'll be coming back for another visit . " Lucas felt Glory stiffen at the mention of Kelsey . " We don 't have to talk about the baby thing , yet , do we ? " Glory asked . " We definitely do not have to talk about the baby thing yet . You know how I feel and I know how you feel . It 'll be years before it 'll really be an issue and who knows where we 'll be by then , " he said , and he felt her relax again against him . " I did , didn 't I ? I couldn 't believe that you actually came up to play cards . I know I probably shouldn 't have kissed you or sent you to sleep in my bed , but I was drunk and thought I 'd push my luck , and I 'm glad I did ! " Lucas said . " Just the way you stood next to me watching your sister and your cousin going all fangirl on Greg without losing your cool with me … it was nice . It made me think you were a little different . " " You don 't know how hard that was , " Glory said . " When I realized who you were … that 's why I couldn 't look at you . I vowed that I wasn 't going to embarrass myself in front of you . I figured that too many women have gone all gaga on you and you didn 't need another one doing it when all you wanted was a couple of slices to end your night . " " Oh , don 't lie . You love it . You 're just waiting for that Sexiest Man Alive title to come your way . I don 't know why it hasn 't yet . You should have gotten it after ' Return of the Soldier ' , with that amazing shirtless scene . What did your costar call it ? Rippling deliciousness ? " Lucas laughed until he had tears in his eyes . " Oh , she is a pip ! She wanted to see me blush in public , and it worked ! She still teases me about that , " he said , when he could finally talk again . Glory was laughing , too ; his laugh was so infectious ! They lay quietly for a few minutes , and it was Glory who broke the silence . " I love you , Lucas , " she said , softly . Lucas smiled and pulled her in closer . " I love you , too , babe . It 's early ; I 'd love to spend the evening here in bed with you , but if you want to get up … " " You don 't know how good it feels to hear you say that , " he said , closing his eyes . He shouldn 't be tired , but he found himself drifting on the edge of sleep . Suddenly , he felt Glory tense up and shake for a second . " Sorry , I thought you were asleep , " Glory said . " That was a fangirl moment … just a thrill going through me . You may have to pinch me . " Lucas pinched her lightly on the arm and she giggled . Then he pinched her side and she squirmed to get away from his pinching fingers . He continued to pinch and tickle her while she screamed and squirmed to get away . But when he grabbed both of her hands to keep her from pushing him away , she tensed and the look of fear on her face stopped Lucas in his tracks . He dropped her hands , saying , " Are you okay ? " Glory shrugged . " It 's okay . I dealt with it , but now that you 're my boyfriend … " She paused again to savour the idea . " Until it gets old , I guess . Right now , it 's such a novelty , " Lucas laughed , quietly , and pulled her back in beside him . She snuggled in a little closer and settled to sleep . By bluemaplein Dragons in the Dark , RomanceMay 3 , 20173 , 499 WordsLeave a comment Dragons in the Dark - Chapter 7 - " That was fun ! " Lucas said to Glory on their way back to her place . He was driving ; he had noticed early in the evening that Glory was enjoying her wine , so he stopped drinking so that he could get them home . " It definitely went much better than I thought it would . " Glory said . " Mom was in good form tonight . She 's usually really hard on Jeff and whomever I 'm dating . Holly said Jeff was working , but he was probably avoiding mom . " " It has everything to do with my dad leaving . Mom has real trust issues around men . She doesn 't even date anymore . " Glory shrugged . Her mom had always been tight - lipped about her dad 's leaving … Glory had woken up one day and he was just gone . Glory smiled at him . " Maybe … or maybe your celebrity status made her a little shy of giving you a hard time . " she said . She was turned sideways in her seat so she could watch him drive . " Well , she didn 't actually ask where I was staying , just where I stayed when I was in Toronto , so I wasn 't lying . I do usually stay at the Crowne Plaza , as you know . " Lucas said . Lucas shrugged . " I love kids . They 're so honest and present . And they love nothing more than having a grown - up to play with … and I love to play ! I 'm just a big kid at heart . " " I guess I 'm not the nurturing type . I like kids , but I 'm not longing for a family of my own . That might change in time , but right now , I 'm happy to do my own thing without those kinds of responsibilities . " Glory said . " I see Diana and Mitch and how they are now that they have Kelsey … I 'm not ready for that . " It was Lucas ' turn to be silent for a moment . Then he shrugged . He still had no idea how serious this was going to get , so there was no point sweating this now . Even if they did end up together , they were years away from kids . Who knew what might happen in that time ? " Thank you so much for today . Not just the signing and helping out at the art show , but being there for me at dinner . " Glory said , taking a sip of her beer . " That 's how I lure young girls in . " Lucas said , in a teasing voice . " I 'm sweet and nice and then I take you to bed and you see my true nature . " Glory screamed with laughter and tried to push him away long enough to put her beer down . " Stop ! Stop ! I 'm going to spill my beer ! " she pleaded . Lucas plucked her beer neatly from her hands and put it down next to his . " So tell , me … what were you giggling about ? " He had both of her hands held tight in one of his , leaving his other hand free to tickle her if he didn 't like her answer . Glory felt herself start to panic as she always did when she was trapped . She stiffened , but held his eyes to keep the panic at bay . " Your true nature , eh ? What is your true nature , movie - boy ? " she said with more bravado than she felt . Glory giggled again . " Yes , I do … that 's why I giggled . " and tried to pull away before he could start tickling her again , but to no avail . He pinned her to the couch underneath him , still tickling her and kissing and licking her face . " Wow ! It 's been a long time since I 've made out on a couch . " Lucas said . " Should I go grab a condom , or move this to the bedroom ? " " Just shutting down for the night . " he said , pulling his sweater off over his head and undoing his belt before slipping out of his pants . " Are you keeping my side warm for me ? I hate getting in to a cold bed . " " Well , my side is warm . " she said , suggestively . Lucas came around to her side and slid in beside her , running his cold hands up her side to her breasts and kissing her deeply . She rolled over so that she was on top of him . Glory sat up and reached over to the side table for a condom . She sat so that she could unrolled the condom slowly over him . Lucas watched this performance intently , trying to keep himself from throwing her over onto her back and fucking her . He loved the play , the tease , but sometimes it got to be too much . Once she had him well protected , she lifted herself to slide down his length and took him deep inside of her with a moan . She leaned forward with her hands on his shoulders so that she could slowly move him in and out of her . She kissed him deeply and he held her ass with both of his hands , helping to raise her all of the way off of him before letting her plunge back down . " My goddess . " he said , replacing her hands with his on her breasts . " Come for me . " he whispered and let one hand drop down between her legs . Glory had been so close that his touch brought her orgasm slamming down on her . She pulled her legs in tight trying to contain the pleasure as she spasmed around him . He gritted his teeth as he let her feel the full extent of her orgasm before flipping her over onto her back and thrusting into her hard for his own climax . They lay like that for a few minutes , helplessly lost in the pleasure . Lucas rolled off , holding his condom , and reached for tissues , then pulled her in close beside him , smoothing her hair away from his face … and he felt it again . That tenderness and caring ; that stillness and peace that he associated with love . But even after all that they 'd done this weekend so far , he wasn 't ready to speak of this feeling to her yet . He still didn 't think she was ready to hear it , or was feeling it herself yet … maybe she never would . He fell in love too easily ; he knew that about himself . But that was him and he wasn 't about to change . He had spoken the words too soon on a few occasions to his great detriment , so he was very careful about that now . Until he saw some indication that she felt the same way about him , he 'd keep his council . Sunday was a quiet day . They woke late and kept each other in bed for an extra hour making love and talking . After a quick shower , Glory took Lucas through her yoga practise , offering some options that might work better for him than what she did . She had been doing yoga for a long time so she didn 't expect him to be able to do some of the more difficult poses , but he did surprise her . His core strength was up to most of what she did , even if he 'd have to work on his flexibility . They lay for a long time in Savasana . When Glory sat up , Lucas was still enjoying the peaceful quiet . He heard her soft voice say , " Stay there as long as you need to , babe . " When Glory was finished , she quietly got up and moved into the bedroom . She had some stuff to get organized for the work week and some emails to respond to . When she poked her head back out into the living room , she saw that Lucas was sitting cross - legged on his mat , so she sat back down on hers to finish their yoga session . " That which is divine in me sees and honours that which is divine in you . It 's a word spoken between two peoples ' souls . " Glory said . Lucas nodded and got to his feet , offering Glory a hand up , which she took . After cleaning and rolling the matts away , Glory fixed them bacon and eggs for breakfast . " Not exactly Ayurvedic , but I never claimed to be a yogini . " " Yeah , for a while … but I love meat . I try to buy from organic , sustainable , humane sources and I try to eat vegetarian once in a while , but not all the time . " he said , putting a forkful of eggs into his mouth . " I try for one veggie meal a week … or more . It 's easier to cook veggie for one person than to cook meat , but I still like my meat . " Glory said . " I did start painting at home . It 's really meditative for me . I never realized how peaceful it would be , being creative like that . " he said , finishing his coffee . " Everyone , as in who ? And what 's there to tell ? " Glory was very surprised that he would show this much interest in her when they weren 't together . " Just a couple of my close friends and my family . Well , Greg and Shana already knew , but I told my mom , and my other sister , Becky . Does that bother you ? I was really surprised to hear that you hadn 't told anyone about us . " he countered . " Again , I 'm still not sure what to tell them . And I 'm not sure I 'm even ready to define this as anything yet . We get together when you come to Toronto … that 's it , isn 't it ? " she asked . " Yeah , that 's all it is for right now . I do really like you , though . Can I hope for something more someday ? " he asked , focusing his eyes on his canvas . Glory stood next to him taking in all of the nuances of his painting . It was abstract , but she could sense the stillness of the water reflecting the intrusion of a new day . The fire radiated from the surface of the water out to the corners of the canvas . He had a very good eye and expressed himself well with paints . Lucas stepped over to see what Glory had painted . It was him . The blue of his eyes , the reddish tinge in his beard , the black marker he used to sign autographs . " I wanted to capture the essence of what a fan feels when they come to you for an autograph ; there 's such anticipation and joy , but fear , too , which you seem to ease with your smile and your twinkling eyes . " She pointed to different areas of the canvas as she spoke . " I watched you yesterday . You almost have it down to an art . You take control of the situation and put everyone at their ease . It 's a joy to watch you work . " Glory was looking up at him as she spoke . She had to admit that she was still a little bit in awe of this beautiful man . Lucas felt a blush start to burn up his neck . " That 's not really watching me work . Someday , I 'll bring you on - set for one of my movies and you can watch me do my real job . " he said . " This is part of being a celebrity , not part of being an actor . " " Well , maybe a little . " Lucas said with a little laugh . He came around behind her and put his arms around her to get a better view of her painting . " You 've never asked me for an autograph . " he said , trying to sound blasé . She took both of his paint - stained hands and placed them on her breasts . " I can think of better uses for these hands than signing silly pictures . " she said in a husky voice . Once they had finished cleaning up , though , the moment had passed and Glory suggested a walk by the ravine near her apartment . " It was still pretty dry down by the creek earlier this week , but if it 's wet , there 's a high trail we can take . " she said . " I 'm feeling the urge to be outdoors now that spring is finally here . " " Let 's do it . " Lucas said . He had brought a pair of rougher boots along with his sneakers . They were a fashion choice , but they were leather and a better choice for a walk by the ravine than his Converse . Glory shrugged . " There 's always hope , babe . I really like you , too , but there is the matter of us living almost 4 , 000 kilometers away from each other . " she said . " Makes having a relationship pretty challenging . " " Even that 's almost a thousand kilometers away . " she said . " Let 's face it , if we were going to have something more than this , one of us would have to relocate … and I can 't see it being you . " " Me , too . " Lucas said , with a little chuckle . " So I guess that leaves us right where we are . Maybe you could come and visit me in Boston when I 'm there … if you want to . " " I 've never been to Boston . That might be a fun way to spend a weekend this summer . " Glory said , mulling the idea over in her mind . " Yeah , let 's plan on that . " she said . " Okay ! Well , that 's a start . " Lucas said , not able to keep his pleasure off of his face . He put his arm over her shoulders and they kept walking . " There 's nothing stopping us from painting some more when we get back . I have good lighting in that area , so even when the sun goes down … " Glory said . " There 's nights when I come home from work and look up to see it 's midnight and I haven 't even eaten dinner yet ! " And so , when they got back to the apartment , Lucas set himself up to paint again while Glory made them some chili for supper . She had poured everything out on canvas that she needed to and now felt light and empty and not in need of the therapy that a canvas and brush offered her . She found that when she tried to paint when she was like this , nothing happened . She watched Lucas from the kitchen , dashing off a few lines on his canvas with charcoal before starting to mix colours on his palette . His brush strokes were sometimes bold and sure , and other times tentative and halting . He asked Glory to help him get a particular shade that he was looking for right once , but spent the rest of the time in his own little creative world . " Chili 's ready , isn 't it ? " Lucas asked . " I can smell it . " He didn 't stop what he was doing or look at her . " Give me … 10 more minutes . I just want to finish this … thing . " He pointed his paintbrush at the area of the canvas he was working on . Then he turned towards her and gave her a quick kiss before turning back and placing his brush on the canvas . Lucas nodded and sat down at the table . There was chili and bread and sour cream and cheese . The chili wasn 't very spicy hot , but it was wonderfully flavourful . When Lucas commented on the lack of heat , Glory said , " I don 't really like hot stuff . It burns your taste buds out so that eventually you can 't taste the more subtle spices . " " I can see the stream and the early vegetation there . " she said , pointing to the pale green that is only seen in the early spring . " What 's this , flickering through the trees up here ? " she asked . Lucas watched her beautiful ass as she walked away from him and smiled . How could she do that ? Turn him on with a look and a smile like that ? Lucas leaned against the doorframe to take in the tableau before him . On the bedside table was a bowl of berries and a bowl of whipped cream . This was a game he hadn 't played in a very long time . " Very good . Maybe when you 're in Boston , I 'll show you just how good . " He pushed off from the doorframe and came over to her side of the bed , running two fingers through the top of the whipped cream , and kneeling beside the bed , offered them to her to lick off . He fully expected the jolt of pleasure to his groin , but he still gasped when he felt her tongue start to lick the sweet cream from his fingers . When she was done , she gave him an innocent smile and he shook his head . He ran a finger through the whipped cream again , this time depositing it on one of her nipples . She hadn 't been expecting that and squeaked in surprise as the coldness made her areola pucker . But it wasn 't cold for long as Lucas dipped his head to take her nipple into his mouth , lingering there long after the taste of whipped cream was gone . Lucas chuckled , which sounded like thunder rumbling through his chest . " I don 't know about better … that was pretty good … but it is nice with the berries . But it has to be the real deal , though , not some domestic bubbly . " Glory smiled . Every once in a while , she still found herself thrilling to the fact that this was Lucas Wolfe and he thought she was pretty impressive ! She had just made love to Lucas Wolfe and made him chili and taught him how to do yoga . She was a part of his life … his Toronto girl . It gave her a warm glow . Most of the time , it was easy to see him as just a guy , but every once in a while … The next day was Monday , and she had to work . Lucas had lined up several locations that he needed to take a look at and he had an appointment at city hall to talk about the perks being offered film companies for filming in Toronto and area . Glory already had their dinner planned and would set up the crockpot in the morning so that they 'd just have to come home and eat . By bluemaplein Dragons in the Dark , RomanceApril 26 , 20174 , 622 WordsLeave a comment Dragons in the Dark - Chapter 6 - Art Show Glory was up early the next morning , but she didn 't get up . She was nervous and anxious and what she needed was the slow , sensual lovemaking that Lucas was so good at . When they were done and he had her cradled in his arms , she felt like she owned the world ! Glory had an image that she liked to project of herself when she was ' playing ' the artist at her shows . She put on a pair of tights and a filmy , multi - layered top in shades of aqua and green and she finished the outfit with a long vest . The colours and the flow of the fabric made her feel connected and grounded and in the perfect frame of mind to talk to people about her art . " It 's got a nice flow to it ; let 's me feel free to express myself more easily . " Glory said , stroking his beard and kissing him sweetly before turning away to put on some make - up . She never wore much make - up and she didn 't make exceptions for art shows . With Lucas coming to the art show , Glory was even more anxious than usual before a show . She sat down cross - legged on the floor to try to still her mind for a few minutes . She opened her eyes to see that Lucas was doing the same thing . " Do you have any mantras that you use to meditate to ? I usually let the energy flow through the chakras until it 's flowing unimpeded . " Glory said . She wasn 't sure if he did yoga or not , but she had read somewhere that he did meditate . So Glory talked about the chakras as they sat together ; the position of each , what systems in the body they affected , and what they felt like when they were open . Lucas found her voice mesmerizing as she spoke and was focusing more on the sound than on her words . They sat quietly after she stopped talking for some time settling their minds and getting to a point of ease with the tasks ahead . " No , no yoga . " Lucas said . " I 've always wanted to try it , but never have . So , yes , I 'd love to do it with you . " Desirée met them at the yacht club and they went around and met the rest of the artists . Marion had her booth set up next to Glory 's and came over to meet Lucas and chat with Glory about her set up . Glory ended up moving a couple of paintings at Marion 's suggestion and Lucas had to admit that the changes were for the better . Finally , Miguel , who was a photographer , sent Glory in to stand near Lucas for a few shots . They sat together talking for a couple of shots , then Lucas stood up behind Glory with his hands on her shoulders and leaned in as if to listen to something she said . After that , Lucas pulled Glory out from behind the table and put his arms around her as though they were dancing . He held her mesmerized with his piercing blue gaze . When Miguel stopped shooting , Lucas gave Glory a quick squeeze before going to see what the pictures looked like . " You 're a natural in front of the camera , " Miguel said . " and so is Glory . You guys made it easy . I just had to point and shoot ! " " Well , I 've had lots of practise . " Lucas said , flipping through the pictures again . " Can I get you to blow this one up for me and mount it ? " he asked , showing Miguel one of the dancing pictures . " Let 's talk afterwards . " Lucas said . He could see the look of concern on Glory 's face around having her picture up on display in Miguel 's collection . " Like I said , lots of practise . It gets easy after a while . It was fun to call the shots , though . I don 't get to do that very often . That dancing picture will look great up in my house in LA . " Lucas said . " You know , if you 're not comfortable with Miguel adding it to his collection , maybe he could blur the faces . That would definitely give it more of an artistic feel . " Glory thought about that for a moment . " We 'll talk to him after the show and see what his intentions are around that one . Looks like the doors are about to open . Are you ready ? " Glory said . Lucas held up a handful of Sharpies and smiled . Holly came over then and hugged Glory and shook Lucas ' hand . " Mom 's on a bit of a warpath about you not bringing Lucas to dinner last night . " Holly said . And that was the last they were able to talk as the doors opened and crowds of people made a bee - line to see Lucas . Desirée had been very canny in how she had set things up , though . As people were waiting to meet Lucas , there were booths all the way around that they could go into . Glory watched Lucas as he greeted people , laughing and chatting comfortably with everyone . He put his focus on each person , making them feel special for that moment in time that they had with him . He was a joy to watch work . " Hi , mom ; Aunt Claire . " Holly said . " This is Lucas Wolfe . You remember us talking about meeting him before Christmas . " Lucas gave a little wave as he was still talking to a couple of other people . " Hi Claire … " He shook Glory 's aunt 's hand and then realized that he didn 't know her mom 's name ! " and Mrs . Campbell . " He extended his hand to shake Glory 's mom 's hand . " So formal ! " she said , with a smile . " You can call me Beth . " She shook his hand firmly . " These prints turned out really well ! " Beth had picked up one of the prints from the table and held it up to compare it with the original . " They did . " Glory said , coming up behind her mom and giving her a hug . " Marion 's printer is pretty well respected , and I can see why . " It took a minute to clear everyone from in front of the table , but they managed to get several great shots of all 4 of them with Lucas . In all of them , Glory was next to Lucas and Miguel could see a very nice bond there . The little touches , fond looks , and caring attitude came through in all of the pictures . " I 'll send these to you , Glory . You can let me know if you want any of them blown up or fixed up , okay ? " Miguel said before heading back to his booth . Lucas looked over at Glory , but she was busy with another customer . He could see that several of her smaller paintings were gone from the scaffolding and he smiled . A good day all around ! Then another group of people came for autographs and he lost himself in the job of signing and promoting Glory 's work . A glass of white wine appeared next to him and he looked up to see Glory standing there with her own glass . " You looked like you could use it . " she said , and held her glass out to him to toast . Lucas took a sip and closed his eyes to savour the taste . It wasn 't the best wine , but it wasn 't bad either … like he was any kind of wine connoisseur ! It was wet and had alcohol in it … that 's all that mattered to him at that moment . Lucas smiled at her and stretched out his hand . " I signed a lot of prints . How did we do , Holly ? " he asked , looking over at Holly , who was counting money . " Well , we had 200 prints and it looks like we 've only got about 50 left . And Glory , you sold 5 paintings ! That 's great ! " Holly said . " And I 've got a buyer interested in that one . " Glory said , pointing to one of her bigger pieces . " He didn 't want to take it with him today , but I 've got his number , so I 'll connect with him next week . " Lucas smiled up at her . What he wanted to do is to take her in his arms and kiss her , but he could see her mom and aunt still talking to Desirée , so he restrained himself . But he did stand up and give her a hug . " Thank you so much for doing this , Lucas . You probably drew a lot of people in that wouldn 't have otherwise come . " Glory said , not letting him go . " Glad I could help . " he said , pulling away and looking her in the eye . Holly had moved off to let Desirée know how much they had raised with the prints . Beth came up then and claimed Glory for a hug . " Congratulations , darling ! You did so well ! " Beth looked up to see that the Matt Hunter painting was still there . " You didn 't sell this one ? I thought I heard someone asking about it . " " That one 's mine . " Lucas said , quickly . " I don 't have a spot for it , yet , so I 'm leaving it with Glory until I do . " After a few minutes , Lucas excused himself to go over and talk to Miguel about their pictures . Miguel had loaded the photos onto his computer so that they could look at them in detail . They chatted about a few of them and Lucas settled with him on the shot he wanted , then he waved Glory over . " How 's that look ? " Miguel asked Glory . " If you think we need to blur it as well , I can do that , but all you can see now is the edge of your jawline . " " What do you think , Miguel ? " Glory asked . " I don 't want to screw up your shot … I 'm just not sure I want my face up at all of your exhibits . " " I like it with the shadow . " Miguel said . " Lucas ' face is well known , but to have his dance partner be a mystery works well for me . " " Of course . " Miguel said . " Here , let me revert to the original shot . " He clicked a few buttons in Photoshop to bring back the original picture and Glory gasped when it came up . It wasn 't only Lucas ' look that was breathtaking , but hers as well ! " I already did . " Lucas said and put his finger across her mouth when she started to protest again . " Don 't argue with Captain Hunter , remember ? " She smiled and kissed his finger before he pulled it away . " Let 's go and get everything packed up . Diana just got here , so we 'll be going for dinner soon . " Glory said . It didn 't take them long to pack up . Diana came over with Kelsey , who she gladly relinquished to Lucas when he reached for her . He seemed very comfortable holding a baby and Kelsey seemed to like him , too . She was a pretty good baby , but she did tend to get fussy when she was passed to strangers , but not Lucas ! " I 'm still a kid myself . " Lucas said in explanation . " Babies seem to sense that about me , I guess . " He turned back to Kelsey and started making faces at her . " Let 's see how things go . " Glory said . " I may need to keep my wits about me , but thank you . That 's really sweet of you . " " No problem , babe . " he said , settling back for the ride . " It 's the least I could do . Today was a lot of fun . " Glory smiled . It had been a wonderful day . That seemed to be how all of her days with Lucas went . " Always , when you 're around . " she said , quietly . " That would be nice . " She was at a red light , so she looked over at him and he leaned over to give her a quick kiss . The restaurant parking lot was just past the light , so Glory pulled in next to her mom 's car and squeezed Lucas ' hand saying , " Here goes nothing … " " We are , indeed , my dear . " Glory answered , stretching up to give him a quick kiss on the lips . She remembered too late what Lucas had said about always being recognized in airports and pulled back . " Come on . " he said for her ears only . " Let 's get out of here so I can kiss you properly . " He put his hand on the small of her back and guided her towards the doors . Lucas laughed . " You should still check the seats for scorch marks . " he said , jokingly . He gathered her into his arms , rhythmically stroking her back . " I was very surprised to hear that you hadn 't told anyone about me , about our sexual relationship , about our friendship , even . Most girls can 't wait to tell everyone they know that they 've slept with me . " Lucas said , quietly . Glory shrugged . " It 's pretty cliché to say , but I 'm not like most girls . It felt nice to have this thing with you that I didn 't have to share with anyone else . That was at first , anyway . But then , as time went on , it became harder and harder to tell people … " she said , letting her voice trail off . " And have we kept in touch since November ? What did you tell your family ? " Lucas asked . If he was playing a role on Saturday , he wanted all the pieces of the character . " I said we 'd been in touch a few times … the odd text , a couple of phone calls … but that was it until this weekend . " Glory said . " I 'm sorry … I shouldn 't ask you to lie . I should come clean with everyone and have done with it . " " Don 't worry about it . I just want to make sure I don 't put my foot in it on Saturday . " Lucas said , still stroking her back . " I 'd call it dating … nothing serious yet , but definitely two people who are interested in each other . " Lucas offered . Glory was quiet for a long time , thinking about how best to deal with her family . So they went and pulled together dinner . They lingered a long time over the wine , laughing and chatting about everything from painting to art to music to current affairs . Afterwards , they cuddled on the couch watching some mindless TV and still talking until Glory started to yawn . " I 'm sorry , babe . " Lucas said , shaking his head . " I wasn 't thinking … I 'm still on west coast time , but you must be beat ! " Glory had taken the next day off work so that she could prepare for the show . She had the prints to pick up and they could go in and set up her booth that afternoon . Desirée had almost lost her mind when Glory told her about Lucas and his idea to raise funds for their chosen charity . " And you never told me ? How long have you known him ? " She and Desirée were pretty close for co - workers … Glory should have told her back in November . " We met in November … remember that girl 's night out I did with my cousin … her first night out after the baby ? " Desirée nodded . " That weekend . " " No , nothing like that . " Glory lied . " Just friends , but I think he 's interested . It 's tough with him in LA and me here . " " True . Well , that will be so cool ! Did you get the prints ordered yet ? We can put a table in front of your booth , maybe . We can look at the logistics on Friday when you come to set up . " Desirée said , making changes to her floor plan in her head as she spoke . After that , Glory had spoken to Marion , her mentor . Marion had recommended her printer and Glory was able to get the prints ordered . She would have to bring the original painting in that night , Tuesday , but he seemed confident that he could have them done by Friday afternoon . Lucas came out an hour and a half later looking for her . He was wearing just his boxers . He stood behind her at the computer , watching her as she worked . " This is what a commercial artist does ? " he asked . Shower sex was always fun with Lucas ! His strength made almost any position they tried easy ! And holding his body against hers under the streaming water afterwards was a perfect way to start a day , Glory thought , breathing deeply of the steamy air and trying to catch her breath . " Well , we have to load up my car with the paintings that I 'm going to display and then make a stop at the printers to pick up the prints . By then , we should be able to get into the yacht club to start setting up . " she said , counting off on her fingers . " The prints should be ready by noon , so we can go there anytime , and Desirée said she 'd be at the yacht club setting up all afternoon . " Glory laughed . " That takes care of your part of it , anyway ! I 've got a cash box and I picked up some change for a float from the bank . I 've done up some posters on my computer … I 'm going to load them onto a stick and see if the printer can print them on 12 by 18 stock for me . " She was still going over what she needed in her mind . " I never realized how much would go into an art show . " Lucas said . " You let me know what you need me to do to help out . " He raised an eyebrow at her until she nodded , then he finished his coffee and said , " Are your paintings ready to go out to the car now ? I could start taking them down . " Glory took him over to the stack of paintings she had leaning against the wall . She had already wrapped them each in burlap to protect them on the drive down , so Lucas started taking them down to her car as she cleaned up the kitchen . She pulled out the cash box which had the name plates and pricing for each of the paintings in it and went to change . The space that had been set up for them was bigger than Glory had expected , but she used the scaffolding to hang the paintings up , and she had invested in a few spot lights to highlight her best pieces . The main one being highlighted the next day would be her Matt Hunter piece . In the end , she did have a few paintings that she didn 't put up and kept in reserve . If she sold something that was up , she would have another one to take its place . " Yeah . He said that was a fun night . He usually doesn 't get recognized , especially when he 's with me , so he 'll remember you guys for a while . " Lucas said with a little chuckle . " Wow ! " Holly said . " Well , tell him we had fun , too . " Then she excused herself to go and see if Desirée needed any help with anything . " For now , anyway . " she said , looking up at him . Suddenly , all she wanted to do was feel those wonderfully soft lips on hers . She reached up and caressed his beard , which surprised him . She was thinking and thinking hard . She didn 't like hiding , especially with her sister . If she took flack for this relationship , then she 'd rather take it now than later . " No , better just me . " Glory said and gave him a little push towards the door . She could see that Desirée was waiting for him by the truck with a couple more cases of wine . " Okay , so we 're more than just friends . I went back to the hotel that night and we played cards , then we slept together , then we made love . I stayed the weekend , and it was wonderful . We 've kept in touch and he had a stop over here in January and we spent the night together . And he is staying at my place this weekend . " Glory spoke quickly before she lost her nerve . " No … maybe … I don 't think so . I think I 'm just his Toronto girl . We haven 't talked about being exclusive or anything like that , so I 'm not deluding myself that I 'm his only girl . " Glory said , stumbling over her words a little bit . " What kind of relationship can you hope to have with a guy like that ? Long distance to be sure . His Toronto girl ? Come on Glor … you 're better than that . " Holly said , pleadingly . Glory thought about that for a minute . " I am . And when I 'm ready to have another serious relationship , I 'm sure whatever this is won 't be enough . But after Brad , I 'm ready to take a break and be really casual for a while . " she said , flicking on the spots to make sure that they all worked and starting to place them on the scaffolding , carefully aiming them . Glory smiled and followed Holly 's eye out the window . " He 's sweet and fun to be with , too . " she said with a tender look out the window . Holly turned back to Glory and gave her a hug . " Just be careful , eh ? Don 't let him stomp on your heart or anything . And be safe . " Glory smiled at her little sister . Why was it that she so often felt like the younger one in their relationship ? " I 'm always careful and safe is my middle name . Don 't worry about me . " She pulled Holly in for another hug . It was such a relief to have one person in the world to be able to talk to about Lucas ! " I begged off because Lucas is here . I 'm not sure I 'm ready for dinner with the family , yet . " Glory said , handing Holly another light and pointing at a picture to aim it at . " Right now , you 're the only one who knows the extent of this , and I 'd like to keep it that way for now . I don 't really want to have to deal with the world knowing … at least until there 's something to know . " " So you 're going to sign these prints of Glory 's picture of you ? I love that picture . It captures the complexity of the character . " Holly said . Glory poked her head around the scaffolding . " Here , put this sign up . " she said to Lucas , handing him the poster for over his table . Holly held one end of the poster up while Lucas secured the other end . " Mom 's not going to be happy that you 're not coming for dinner tonight , you know ? " Holly said , joining her sister to survey the booth . Glory looked at her and shrugged . " She 's always so negative about all of the guys I date . I 'm just not ready to take her flack over Lucas until I 'm sure there 's something to take flack over . " Glory was speaking quietly so that Lucas couldn 't hear her . Lucas came around the table to join the girls and check out their booth . " Na … everything is usually all set up for me when I do signings . " He closed his eyes as he thought about how elitist that sounded . " It 's kinda fun to help with the set up . There 's lots of wine for tomorrow . Does this turn into a drunk later ? " he asked Glory with a little smile . " Do I have to ? " Lucas asked , jokingly . He had one arm around her back and he pulled her in close to him . He was glad that at least Holly knew that they were intimate . Being platonic with her was proving to be a little difficult . Once her booth was set up , Desirée seemed to have everything under control , so Glory and Lucas took their leave , waving to Holly in the parking lot . " See you tomorrow ! " Holly said , and Glory nodded as she got into the car . " Grubby Chinese sounds perfect . " Lucas said . Glory leaned over to give him a quick kiss before putting the car in gear and heading out of the parking lot . By bluemaplein Dragons in the Dark , RomanceApril 11 , 2017April 11 , 20173 , 449 WordsLeave a comment Dragons in the Dark - Chapter 4 - Long Distance Nightmare 1 AM . That was the time on his phone as he picked it up to see who the hell was calling him in the middle of the night . When he saw Glory 's name , though , he answered immediately . " Do you have the lights on ? " he asked . He knew this is the first thing his sister did when one of her kids had a nightmare . Everything is scarier in the dark . Lucas sighed . What could he do for her from here ? If he was there , he 'd hold her and comfort her , but he wasn 't there . He shook his head in frustration . Finally , her voice came through the phone , small and scared . " I 'm in bed and it 's late . I 'm almost asleep when I hear the dragon come in the room . " she said , quietly . Glory paused for a moment . " No … it 's a camp cot . It must be at my cousin , Diana 's . Her and Holly would share her bed and they 'd set up a camp cot for me . " she said , sounding a little surprised at this revelation . Continue reading " Dragons in the Dark - Chapter 4 - Long Distance Nightmare " → |
Dragons in the Dark - Chapter - Glory 's Birthday " I 'm sorry , babe . I have to work today . Are you okay on your own ? I 'm off at 4 so we can go to my mom 's . " Glory was still wrapped in Lucas ' arms but her alarm had just gone off . " Come shower with me , " she whispered against his lips . " Start this birthday off right . " She rolled out of bed trying to pull him out with her . " I 'm going to work through so I can take off a little earlier . Unless you really want to meet me for lunch . I 'm only getting off early so I can be with you , so either way works for me , " Glory said , coquettishly . Glory gave him an impatient look . " You don 't have to buy me anything , you know . I 'm not in this for the goodies . " " I know … that 's what makes buying you something even more fun . You don 't expect it . Do you know how refreshing that is ? " Lucas asked . " I 'll grab something later . I 'm not hungry yet , " Lucas said , grabbing a towel to hand to Glory before taking one for himself . Glory finished drying off and by the time Lucas had finished drying off and shaving , she was in the kitchen having breakfast and making her lunch . He pulled some clothes out of his suitcase and went into the kitchen to join her . She spent the rest of the day in a bit of a daze . Most of her co - workers came by to wish her a happy birthday . Her boss had a card for her and chatted with her for a few minutes about her plans for that night . He had met Lucas at the art show the month before and would often come and talk to her about what Lucas was doing in his professional life . Desirée wanted to take her to lunch , but she begged off , saying that she was meeting Lucas after work , so they made plans to go out the next day . When 4 o ' clock came around , Glory was packed up and ready to leave as soon as the clock struck the hour . She was trying not to be too excited about what Lucas might have bought her , but that was a hard sell . She was also excited to introduce him to her mom and sister and the rest of her family as her boyfriend ! Again , she couldn 't keep the smile from her face when she thought about it . She gave him a sideways look and took the box over to the couch to open . What was inside was magenta and satin - y and very skimpy . " Are you sure this is for me and not you ? " she asked , looking at him sitting next to her on the couch . Inside the second package was a purple camisole with a lace edging along the neckline . It had spaghetti straps and fell to her hips . Underneath it were the matching bra and panties . " Wow … and these all seem to be my size . Should I be concerned at how comfortable you are buying women 's lingerie ? " Glory asked with a laugh . " I 've never dated anyone who didn 't like receiving lingerie , and , you 're right , it 's partially for me , too . " He smiled at her . " Were you going to change for your mom 's ? Wear these . " He held up the box with the camisole in it for her to take into the bedroom . Glory took a lot of care getting dressed . She had a dress that she wanted to wear that night and the lace on the camisole just peeked out around the neckline and complemented the navy blue dress perfectly . The bra and panties were a perfect fit , which made Glory wonder a little bit about Lucas . She hadn 't asked , but now she wondered how many girls there had been before her . Could she ask now that they were dating ? " Well , we were lovers before this weekend . No real commitment , we could see other people , just getting together for sex , " Lucas said . " A girlfriend , I consider as someone I 'm in an exclusive relationship with . There 's sex , but there 's more . " " Okay , so the 5 lovers never got to be girlfriends . So there have been 5 lovers and 5 girlfriends before me , " Glory said , nodding her head . " That 's not bad . " " Okay … " She paused for a minute to count . " Well , I 've had 4 boyfriends , but more lovers . I 've had a few one night stands and some non - committed relationships … maybe 10 in all . " " Nope . Not much you could have told me would have freaked me out , " he said . " Just because I 've been a monk , I don 't expect others to be . Are you ready to go ? " Beth met them at the door of her apartment with a big hug and a kiss for Glory . " Happy birthday , darling . I can 't believe that you 're 30 ! " She kissed Glory on the cheek again and waved her into the house . " Well , that 's nice . How 's it going to work with you guys living so far apart ? " Beth asked , her brow furrowing in concern . " We 're not sure yet , Beth , " Lucas answered . " We 'll play it by ear for now and see what happens . Hopefully , at some point , we 'll be able to find a way to live in the same city anyway . For right now , it 'll have to be a long - distance relationship . " " Congratulations are in order , then . I hope it works out for you guys , " Beth said , lifting her glass of wine up to toast them both . Lucas put his arm around Glory and lifted his beer to toast the two women . There were lots of congratulations for the happy couple and then Beth called them into the dining room for dinner . Steak and potatoes with asparagus was one of Glory 's favourite meals and she ate with gusto . After they were done , Beth brought out a chocolate cake almost completely covered in candles ! " Mom , you didn 't actually have to put 30 candles on the cake . Way to make me feel old ! " Glory said , smiling after they had all sang her ' Happy Birthday ' . The box contained a beautiful red and black cardigan . The colour faded from black at the top to red at the bottom . It flared prettily at the bottom and looked great over her navy blue dress . She spun once to show the flare of the sweater . " Maybe … " Lucas said . Glory opened the box and found a dainty ring inside . There were 2 stones , one dark blue , the other , light blue . Glory tried it on her right hand ring finger and held it up to the light . The smile on her face told Lucas that this had been the exact right gift to give her . She turned to him and wrapped her arms around his neck and said , " Thank you , babe . It 's perfect ! " " You 're welcome , sweetie . It looks really pretty on your hand . I knew I 'd have to find something delicate , " he said , turning his head to kiss her neck through her hair . Beth kept her eyes downcast , looking at the ring and nodded . " Don 't move too fast , okay ? You guys have lots of time , " she said . Once everyone had a piece of cake in front of them , the conversation turned to inconsequential things as they ate . There was much laughter with Lucas there . He had a great sense of humour and lots of great stories from his movie - shoots and hanging out with other Hollywood types . His humour was light and self - deprecating and put everyone at ease . They moved the party to the living room after the cake was done and spent another couple of hours talking and laughing . Beth watched Glory with Lucas and she could see that there was love there . She was more than a little concerned about the long - distance nature of their relationship , but she hoped they 'd find a way to work that out . It was about 10 pm when Glory called it a night . She still had to work the next day , although she had let them know that she would be in late so she could see Lucas off at the airport . She had a new nighty to try out that night , so she had a great reason to head home a little early . " He seems like a nice guy and Glory adores him . It should be alright , " Claire said . " He 's a lot of fun to be around . " Lucas and Glory fell giggling into her apartment . She had been teasing him all the way home and now was his turn to get even . He pressed his lips to hers and cupped her breast through the material of her dress , camisole and bra . " You 're wearing too much clothes , " he said , huskily . Glory reached down and grabbed the bottom of her dress and lifted it over her head . She tossed it over onto the couch and returned to Lucas ' embrace . " Better ? " she said . " Much , " he said and swooped down to scoop her into his arms . " Bedtime , baby . " He carried her into the bedroom and dropped her on the bed and lay over her kissing her face and neck , then moving down lower . Glory closed her eyes as he moved his lips and tongue slowly down her body , teasing and arousing her and bringing her to a shattering orgasm , before moving up to thrust himself deep inside of her to find his own release . Lucas held her gently in his arms as she slowly came back to her senses . " Yeah , that 's going to be fun ! I can 't wait for everyone to meet you ! My mom 's been bugging me , especially since Greg and Kayla have met you , " Lucas said , a slow smile spreading across his face at the thought of his mom . " Can you swing an extra - long weekend ? Maybe come up on Friday and fly back on Monday ? " " Maybe . Let me ask at work . I 've got lots of vacation time left for this year , so I should be able to . If I can work from there , I may be able to come for longer . I 'll check with my boss this week and I can let you know . Will we be staying at your mom 's ? You mentioned your condo in Boston once . " " We 'll probably stay with mom the night of the party , but we 'll be staying at my condo . I can 't wait for you to see it . I 've got your painting up and it looks great ! " Lucas said . Glory didn 't say anything for a few minutes . Lucas stroked her hair off of her face before asking her , " Everything okay ? You got awfully quiet all of a sudden . " " Yeah , " she said and paused for a few more seconds . " No . All of those people have met your other girlfriends and lovers . I don 't know how I 'll stack up . " " They all love me . The fact that I love you will be enough for them . I surround myself with some pretty awesome people , so I don 't think you need to worry , " he said , quietly . " Yeah , but the party will be on Saturday , " he said . " If you can come up on Thursday or Friday and then fly home on Monday or Tuesday , that would be great ! Even if you have to work part of that time , that should should be fine . I 'll have to help my mom set up for the party anyway , so I 'll be busy . " Glory smiled to herself and snuggled in closer in to his side . " Just don 't abandon me with a bunch of strangers , okay ? I had a boyfriend who always used to do that to me and it made me really uncomfortable . " She had closed her eyes and suddenly realizing how tired she was . " Don 't worry , love . I 'll stay right by your side . But I don 't think these people will be strangers to you for long , " Lucas said , softly . " They are going to love you just as much as I do . " By bluemaplein Dragons in the Dark , RomanceMay 23 , 20173 , 673 WordsLeave a comment Dragons in the Dark - Chapter 9 - Tourists Glory woke slowly and stretched . Something was different , but she wasn 't sure what it was . She could see light in the room through her closed eyelids so she rolled towards her bedside clock to see the time . 7 : 30 . Wasn 't it the weekend ? she thought . Once she was sure that it was , she rolled back over to go back to sleep . Something was still different and it was tugging at her mind . Someone was cooking bacon ; someone in her apartment . She let a smile grow on her face . It must be her boyfriend . She let that thought sink in for a moment before jumping out of bed and finding some clothes to put on to go and find out what Lucas was up to . " There you are , sleepy head . " Lucas said , turning towards her to give her a kiss before he turned back to flip the bacon again . " I thought I owed you breakfast . " " It 's so early . " Glory complained , sitting down at the table . " Isn 't it the weekend ? And aren 't you on LA time still ? It 's only 4 : 30 AM in LA . " Lucas put a cup of coffee down in front of her and she took it in both hands and took a sip . She smiled to herself when she realized that he knew how she took her coffee . While she cradled her coffee cup , she said , " I love you . " " Coffee 'll do that to you . " he said with a smile from in front of the stove . " And I 'm on Boston time . I 've been off the last couple of weeks . Is it too early for you ? " he asked with concern . " Noon is a good time to get up on a Saturday . 7 : 30 is usually when I get up for a pee so I can go back to sleep . " Glory said , taking another sip of her coffee . " You 've never been this much of an early bird when you 've come to visit before . " Lucas shrugged . " I 'm usually not , especially when I have a beautiful woman next to me in bed . " He winked at her . " But I was awake , so I thought I 'd get a head start on breakfast . " " We did crash pretty early last night . " Lucas said , defensively . " We can go back to bed , if you want . I just wanted to spend as much time with you as I could . Our relationship up to now has been spent mostly in bed . " He raised an eyebrow at her suggestively . " I thought we could do some stuff together today before dinner . " " Out and about with Lucas Wolfe . " Glory said , trying that idea out in her mind . " How many times do you think we 'll be accosted by autograph hounds or people wanting their picture taken with you ? " Glory had spoken lightly , but Lucas could hear the concern behind her words . " Toronto 's actually pretty good . " Lucas said . " If people recognize me , many of them will just wave or yell to me ; not a lot of people actually stop me . " But when we go to New York or LA , people are much bolder . I can sometimes hardly walk down the street , especially if I 'm someplace and word gets out on the internet . " He wanted her to be prepared for this stuff ; the last thing he wanted to do is to have her be spooked by fans and run . And he was getting the feeling she spooked pretty easily . " I don 't know . Is there a lot to see hanging around in downtown Toronto ? " he asked . " Do you want eggs , too , or just bacon and tomato ? " he added . " Bacon and tomato is fine , and , yes , there 's lots to see in downtown Toronto . We could wander up Yonge Street and do some shopping , then we can check out Queen West … it 's not as trendy and hipster as it used to be , but it 's still pretty cool . We can go to Kensington Market and Chinatown and then grab the streetcar down to the CN Tower and Skydome . " Once Glory got started , she realized that there were lots of places she wanted to show him ! Lucas was watching her get excited about showing him her city and he smiled . " Sounds like getting up early was a good idea after all . " he said . Glory smiled back . " Don 't think I 've forgiven you yet , movie - boy ! I value my sleep time on the weekends ! " she teased him . Lucas laughed . " So I 've been downgraded again , have I ? " He turned around to butter the toast that had popped up and was busy for the next couple of minutes assembling Glory 's bacon and tomato sandwich . " Mayo ? " he asked , and looked back to see Glory nod . " Yes . " he answered . " I sent a text to my assistant last night and she got back to me this morning with a 7 pm reservation . Is that okay ? " He sat down at the table across from her with his sandwich , then got up to refresh both of their coffees before settling down to eat . " The time ? Yeah , that works . Might even give us time to come back here and change before dinner . Depending on how much fun we 're having being tourist - y . " she said . Lucas just nodded because he had a mouthful of sandwich . They sat and finished their breakfast , talking about inconsequential things . After a quick shower and clothes and they were out the door . It was an absolutely beautiful day . Glory wore sandals and a flirty little dress , in case they didn 't get to go home and change , and Lucas was casual , but not in jeans . He wore a pair of khakis and a polo shirt over his signature sneakers . " Well , Emilia , I like your shirt . I have one just like it . " he said , pointing at , but not touching her shirt . " How old are you , Emilia ? " " I 'm 8 . " she said , holding up 4 fingers on each hand , " and I love Matt Hunter . " She was starting to lose her shyness in the face of Lucas ' friendliness . " He 's my favourite Brancher . Is he going to be Marta 's boyfriend ? I think he should . What 's going to happen to Ian ? " Marta was another Special Brancher . The last movie had started to bring them into a romantic relationship . Ian was Matt 's best friend from his hometown . Lucas was smiling at her precociousness , and now that her shyness was gone she was not to be stopped . " Are you really mad at Brock ? I like Brock … he 's really cute and funny . " Brock was the commander of Special Branch with whom Mat had a love / hate relationship . Emilia turned to her mom . " Mom , do you have my colouring book so I can show him my picture ? " Emilia 's mom seemed very apologetic . " Sorry , Mr . Wolfe . When she gets going , it 's hard to get her to stop . " She handed Emilia her colouring book so she could turn to the picture she wanted to show Lucas . " See ? It 's you and Brock and Ian fighting . I don 't like it when you fight . Will you ever be friends again ? " Her eyes were pleading as he looked up at him . " Traffic . Sorry . It 's usually not this bad . Figures , eh ? I have a hot man waiting at home for me and I can 't get there , " Glory said . Lucas was putting a pan of pull - apart bread on the table with melted butter , salsa and hummus to dip . " Appetizer … and we can move on to the main course from there , or use this to sustain us through some extended lovemaking , " he said with a little bow . He pulled her chair out from the table for her to sit . It had been just over a month since his last visit , but Glory had been hungering for him . When he had called earlier this week to say he 'd be in town , that hunger had intensified . She wasn 't sure if she could sit calmly across the table from him eating dinner until she had made love to him , but she would give it a try ! The anticipation was delicious ! They chatted about everything and nothing , and although she still yearned to have her hands and mouth on him , Glory found that she was really enjoying talking to him , too . He was so funny and so engaging , their time together seemed to fly by . He brought out the meal when he didn 't see any indication that they were ready to move things to the bedroom : baked chicken with potatoes and salad . Lucas had been to Christopher 's Haven the week before and he told her all about the kids that he had met there this time . It was a home near the Massachusetts General Hospital for kids battling cancer . He made a point to go there at least a couple of times a year and he always came away so inspired by the courageous battles these kids fought . Glory had been to a weekend art retreat since they 'd seen each other and she had gotten some fresh ideas and was utilizing what she 'd learned in her painting . She couldn 't wait to show him her latest pieces . But over dinner , they discussed the use of different brush techniques to convey different emotions and even movement on a canvas . They talked about the Group of Seven and how some of the techniques they 'd used had been taught at this workshop and how Glory was incorporating them into her work . " I can 't wait to see the paintings , " Lucas said . " and the new techniques . I 've got to make time for some classes or workshops . I feel like I need some extra schooling in this . " " Movie - boy … I 'm not sure that I like that , " he said . " Maybe movie - man … ? " He had gotten up , too and now he took her hand to lead her towards the bedroom . The dishes would definitely have to wait . " Well , you 'll have to earn it … " She let her voice trail off as she pulled him in for a kiss and started pulling at her clothes to get them off . She had definitely had enough anticipation ! Lucas was quiet for a long time . He had just wanted to see her ; to hold her in his arms , make love to her , kiss her , hear her laugh at his jokes ; but he didn 't know if she was ready to hear that yet . But , try as he might , he couldn 't think of a good story to tell her this time . She propped herself up on her elbow to look at him . " But that 's not the way this works , is it ? I thought I was a nice diversion when you had to be in town , not the reason you came to town , " she said , holding his eye . Lucas sighed . " Those locations did have to be scouted , but I didn 't have to do it personally , and I could have flown through New York to Berlin with no layover … " He let his voice trail off hoping he had not screwed things up here completely . Lucas laughed , quietly . " Well , that 's a real compliment to my virility , babe , but no , I don 't have a girl in every port . There 's just you . " he said , pulling her in a little closer . Glory needed a minute to take this in . The relationship she 'd thought she had with him wasn 't what it seemed at all . His only girl … despite her doubts , this thought made her feel warm inside . Lucas laughed . " So , you 're okay to take this further ? I know we talked about it a little bit last time and you 're right that living this far apart makes things difficult , but are you willing to try ? " he asked , hopefully . Lucas sighed , then shook his head . He pushed her up so that he could see her face . " I … " he shook his head again , hoping he wasn 't jumping the gun here . " I love you , Glory . I have for a while now . You can call our relationship what you want , but to me , you 're my girlfriend , my only girlfriend . " She looked at him with disbelief ! Lucas Wolfe loved her ! What was she supposed to do with that ? But she didn 't look away . She could see the longing in his eyes ; a longing to hear her say those words to him . Did she love him ? She ran her finger down his cheek and then down over his beard . She moved it to his moustache and then pressed her lips to his in a sweet kiss that went on for a long time . " I know … my mom tells me that all the time , " he said , stroking her cheek with his finger . " You don 't have to say it if you don 't feel it . I can wait . Don 't leave , though . I don 't think I could handle that . " She sniffed and realized that she was crying … why , she didn 't know . Lucas reached up and grabbed her a tissue from the bedside table to blow her nose . " I 'm not going anywhere . Of course I love you ! I didn 't think we were going there . At least not yet . " There was a smile on Lucas ' face that wouldn 't go away . She loved him ! If he ever needed a good reason to live in the present moment , he was holding it in his arms , and right at that moment , he was the happiest he could ever remember being . " Mom 's having everyone over on Monday , which is the actual day … when are you flying out ? Would you be able to stay ? " Glory asked . " Now that you 're my boyfriend , " Glory paused to savour the sound of that word , " it should be fine . If mom doesn 't like it , that 's too bad . Hopefully , she 'll wait until you 're gone before she lectures me . " " No , we can go out . There 's lots of nice places to go … from the CN Tower to some of the more exclusive steak houses in Toronto ; there are a few place out in the suburbs , too , that are really good . Do you like Greek food ? I know a few really nice places in Greektown , " Glory said , offering some suggestions . " I 've never been up the CN Tower , so why don 't I see if I can get reservations there for tomorrow night ? " Lucas asked . " We can go and see the tower and be tourists and then go up for dinner . " Glory smiled . They HAD been keeping things casual , hadn 't they ? " I 'm thirty on Monday , so a bit of a big deal , " she said . " To come to your birthday party and meet all of your friends and family in one place ? Didn 't I do that to you last time you were here ? " Glory said with a little laugh . " As a matter of fact , you did . The difference will be that everyone there already knows about you and I 'll be introducing you as my girlfriend . Might be a little easier … " he said . " Touché , " Glory said , quietly . " Sorry about that . I hadn 't ever expected to have to introduce you to everyone like that . I 'm just glad it went so well . You did make a good impression on my mom , though … she keeps asking when you 'll be coming back for another visit . " Lucas felt Glory stiffen at the mention of Kelsey . " We don 't have to talk about the baby thing , yet , do we ? " Glory asked . " We definitely do not have to talk about the baby thing yet . You know how I feel and I know how you feel . It 'll be years before it 'll really be an issue and who knows where we 'll be by then , " he said , and he felt her relax again against him . " I did , didn 't I ? I couldn 't believe that you actually came up to play cards . I know I probably shouldn 't have kissed you or sent you to sleep in my bed , but I was drunk and thought I 'd push my luck , and I 'm glad I did ! " Lucas said . " Just the way you stood next to me watching your sister and your cousin going all fangirl on Greg without losing your cool with me … it was nice . It made me think you were a little different . " " You don 't know how hard that was , " Glory said . " When I realized who you were … that 's why I couldn 't look at you . I vowed that I wasn 't going to embarrass myself in front of you . I figured that too many women have gone all gaga on you and you didn 't need another one doing it when all you wanted was a couple of slices to end your night . " " Oh , don 't lie . You love it . You 're just waiting for that Sexiest Man Alive title to come your way . I don 't know why it hasn 't yet . You should have gotten it after ' Return of the Soldier ' , with that amazing shirtless scene . What did your costar call it ? Rippling deliciousness ? " Lucas laughed until he had tears in his eyes . " Oh , she is a pip ! She wanted to see me blush in public , and it worked ! She still teases me about that , " he said , when he could finally talk again . Glory was laughing , too ; his laugh was so infectious ! They lay quietly for a few minutes , and it was Glory who broke the silence . " I love you , Lucas , " she said , softly . Lucas smiled and pulled her in closer . " I love you , too , babe . It 's early ; I 'd love to spend the evening here in bed with you , but if you want to get up … " " You don 't know how good it feels to hear you say that , " he said , closing his eyes . He shouldn 't be tired , but he found himself drifting on the edge of sleep . Suddenly , he felt Glory tense up and shake for a second . " Sorry , I thought you were asleep , " Glory said . " That was a fangirl moment … just a thrill going through me . You may have to pinch me . " Lucas pinched her lightly on the arm and she giggled . Then he pinched her side and she squirmed to get away from his pinching fingers . He continued to pinch and tickle her while she screamed and squirmed to get away . But when he grabbed both of her hands to keep her from pushing him away , she tensed and the look of fear on her face stopped Lucas in his tracks . He dropped her hands , saying , " Are you okay ? " Glory shrugged . " It 's okay . I dealt with it , but now that you 're my boyfriend … " She paused again to savour the idea . " Until it gets old , I guess . Right now , it 's such a novelty , " Lucas laughed , quietly , and pulled her back in beside him . She snuggled in a little closer and settled to sleep . By bluemaplein Dragons in the Dark , RomanceMay 3 , 20173 , 499 WordsLeave a comment Dragons in the Dark - Chapter 7 - " That was fun ! " Lucas said to Glory on their way back to her place . He was driving ; he had noticed early in the evening that Glory was enjoying her wine , so he stopped drinking so that he could get them home . " It definitely went much better than I thought it would . " Glory said . " Mom was in good form tonight . She 's usually really hard on Jeff and whomever I 'm dating . Holly said Jeff was working , but he was probably avoiding mom . " " It has everything to do with my dad leaving . Mom has real trust issues around men . She doesn 't even date anymore . " Glory shrugged . Her mom had always been tight - lipped about her dad 's leaving … Glory had woken up one day and he was just gone . Glory smiled at him . " Maybe … or maybe your celebrity status made her a little shy of giving you a hard time . " she said . She was turned sideways in her seat so she could watch him drive . " Well , she didn 't actually ask where I was staying , just where I stayed when I was in Toronto , so I wasn 't lying . I do usually stay at the Crowne Plaza , as you know . " Lucas said . Lucas shrugged . " I love kids . They 're so honest and present . And they love nothing more than having a grown - up to play with … and I love to play ! I 'm just a big kid at heart . " " I guess I 'm not the nurturing type . I like kids , but I 'm not longing for a family of my own . That might change in time , but right now , I 'm happy to do my own thing without those kinds of responsibilities . " Glory said . " I see Diana and Mitch and how they are now that they have Kelsey … I 'm not ready for that . " It was Lucas ' turn to be silent for a moment . Then he shrugged . He still had no idea how serious this was going to get , so there was no point sweating this now . Even if they did end up together , they were years away from kids . Who knew what might happen in that time ? " Thank you so much for today . Not just the signing and helping out at the art show , but being there for me at dinner . " Glory said , taking a sip of her beer . " That 's how I lure young girls in . " Lucas said , in a teasing voice . " I 'm sweet and nice and then I take you to bed and you see my true nature . " Glory screamed with laughter and tried to push him away long enough to put her beer down . " Stop ! Stop ! I 'm going to spill my beer ! " she pleaded . Lucas plucked her beer neatly from her hands and put it down next to his . " So tell , me … what were you giggling about ? " He had both of her hands held tight in one of his , leaving his other hand free to tickle her if he didn 't like her answer . Glory felt herself start to panic as she always did when she was trapped . She stiffened , but held his eyes to keep the panic at bay . " Your true nature , eh ? What is your true nature , movie - boy ? " she said with more bravado than she felt . Glory giggled again . " Yes , I do … that 's why I giggled . " and tried to pull away before he could start tickling her again , but to no avail . He pinned her to the couch underneath him , still tickling her and kissing and licking her face . " Wow ! It 's been a long time since I 've made out on a couch . " Lucas said . " Should I go grab a condom , or move this to the bedroom ? " " Just shutting down for the night . " he said , pulling his sweater off over his head and undoing his belt before slipping out of his pants . " Are you keeping my side warm for me ? I hate getting in to a cold bed . " " Well , my side is warm . " she said , suggestively . Lucas came around to her side and slid in beside her , running his cold hands up her side to her breasts and kissing her deeply . She rolled over so that she was on top of him . Glory sat up and reached over to the side table for a condom . She sat so that she could unrolled the condom slowly over him . Lucas watched this performance intently , trying to keep himself from throwing her over onto her back and fucking her . He loved the play , the tease , but sometimes it got to be too much . Once she had him well protected , she lifted herself to slide down his length and took him deep inside of her with a moan . She leaned forward with her hands on his shoulders so that she could slowly move him in and out of her . She kissed him deeply and he held her ass with both of his hands , helping to raise her all of the way off of him before letting her plunge back down . " My goddess . " he said , replacing her hands with his on her breasts . " Come for me . " he whispered and let one hand drop down between her legs . Glory had been so close that his touch brought her orgasm slamming down on her . She pulled her legs in tight trying to contain the pleasure as she spasmed around him . He gritted his teeth as he let her feel the full extent of her orgasm before flipping her over onto her back and thrusting into her hard for his own climax . They lay like that for a few minutes , helplessly lost in the pleasure . Lucas rolled off , holding his condom , and reached for tissues , then pulled her in close beside him , smoothing her hair away from his face … and he felt it again . That tenderness and caring ; that stillness and peace that he associated with love . But even after all that they 'd done this weekend so far , he wasn 't ready to speak of this feeling to her yet . He still didn 't think she was ready to hear it , or was feeling it herself yet … maybe she never would . He fell in love too easily ; he knew that about himself . But that was him and he wasn 't about to change . He had spoken the words too soon on a few occasions to his great detriment , so he was very careful about that now . Until he saw some indication that she felt the same way about him , he 'd keep his council . Sunday was a quiet day . They woke late and kept each other in bed for an extra hour making love and talking . After a quick shower , Glory took Lucas through her yoga practise , offering some options that might work better for him than what she did . She had been doing yoga for a long time so she didn 't expect him to be able to do some of the more difficult poses , but he did surprise her . His core strength was up to most of what she did , even if he 'd have to work on his flexibility . They lay for a long time in Savasana . When Glory sat up , Lucas was still enjoying the peaceful quiet . He heard her soft voice say , " Stay there as long as you need to , babe . " When Glory was finished , she quietly got up and moved into the bedroom . She had some stuff to get organized for the work week and some emails to respond to . When she poked her head back out into the living room , she saw that Lucas was sitting cross - legged on his mat , so she sat back down on hers to finish their yoga session . " That which is divine in me sees and honours that which is divine in you . It 's a word spoken between two peoples ' souls . " Glory said . Lucas nodded and got to his feet , offering Glory a hand up , which she took . After cleaning and rolling the matts away , Glory fixed them bacon and eggs for breakfast . " Not exactly Ayurvedic , but I never claimed to be a yogini . " " Yeah , for a while … but I love meat . I try to buy from organic , sustainable , humane sources and I try to eat vegetarian once in a while , but not all the time . " he said , putting a forkful of eggs into his mouth . " I try for one veggie meal a week … or more . It 's easier to cook veggie for one person than to cook meat , but I still like my meat . " Glory said . " I did start painting at home . It 's really meditative for me . I never realized how peaceful it would be , being creative like that . " he said , finishing his coffee . " Everyone , as in who ? And what 's there to tell ? " Glory was very surprised that he would show this much interest in her when they weren 't together . " Just a couple of my close friends and my family . Well , Greg and Shana already knew , but I told my mom , and my other sister , Becky . Does that bother you ? I was really surprised to hear that you hadn 't told anyone about us . " he countered . " Again , I 'm still not sure what to tell them . And I 'm not sure I 'm even ready to define this as anything yet . We get together when you come to Toronto … that 's it , isn 't it ? " she asked . " Yeah , that 's all it is for right now . I do really like you , though . Can I hope for something more someday ? " he asked , focusing his eyes on his canvas . Glory stood next to him taking in all of the nuances of his painting . It was abstract , but she could sense the stillness of the water reflecting the intrusion of a new day . The fire radiated from the surface of the water out to the corners of the canvas . He had a very good eye and expressed himself well with paints . Lucas stepped over to see what Glory had painted . It was him . The blue of his eyes , the reddish tinge in his beard , the black marker he used to sign autographs . " I wanted to capture the essence of what a fan feels when they come to you for an autograph ; there 's such anticipation and joy , but fear , too , which you seem to ease with your smile and your twinkling eyes . " She pointed to different areas of the canvas as she spoke . " I watched you yesterday . You almost have it down to an art . You take control of the situation and put everyone at their ease . It 's a joy to watch you work . " Glory was looking up at him as she spoke . She had to admit that she was still a little bit in awe of this beautiful man . Lucas felt a blush start to burn up his neck . " That 's not really watching me work . Someday , I 'll bring you on - set for one of my movies and you can watch me do my real job . " he said . " This is part of being a celebrity , not part of being an actor . " " Well , maybe a little . " Lucas said with a little laugh . He came around behind her and put his arms around her to get a better view of her painting . " You 've never asked me for an autograph . " he said , trying to sound blasé . She took both of his paint - stained hands and placed them on her breasts . " I can think of better uses for these hands than signing silly pictures . " she said in a husky voice . Once they had finished cleaning up , though , the moment had passed and Glory suggested a walk by the ravine near her apartment . " It was still pretty dry down by the creek earlier this week , but if it 's wet , there 's a high trail we can take . " she said . " I 'm feeling the urge to be outdoors now that spring is finally here . " " Let 's do it . " Lucas said . He had brought a pair of rougher boots along with his sneakers . They were a fashion choice , but they were leather and a better choice for a walk by the ravine than his Converse . Glory shrugged . " There 's always hope , babe . I really like you , too , but there is the matter of us living almost 4 , 000 kilometers away from each other . " she said . " Makes having a relationship pretty challenging . " " Even that 's almost a thousand kilometers away . " she said . " Let 's face it , if we were going to have something more than this , one of us would have to relocate … and I can 't see it being you . " " Me , too . " Lucas said , with a little chuckle . " So I guess that leaves us right where we are . Maybe you could come and visit me in Boston when I 'm there … if you want to . " " I 've never been to Boston . That might be a fun way to spend a weekend this summer . " Glory said , mulling the idea over in her mind . " Yeah , let 's plan on that . " she said . " Okay ! Well , that 's a start . " Lucas said , not able to keep his pleasure off of his face . He put his arm over her shoulders and they kept walking . " There 's nothing stopping us from painting some more when we get back . I have good lighting in that area , so even when the sun goes down … " Glory said . " There 's nights when I come home from work and look up to see it 's midnight and I haven 't even eaten dinner yet ! " And so , when they got back to the apartment , Lucas set himself up to paint again while Glory made them some chili for supper . She had poured everything out on canvas that she needed to and now felt light and empty and not in need of the therapy that a canvas and brush offered her . She found that when she tried to paint when she was like this , nothing happened . She watched Lucas from the kitchen , dashing off a few lines on his canvas with charcoal before starting to mix colours on his palette . His brush strokes were sometimes bold and sure , and other times tentative and halting . He asked Glory to help him get a particular shade that he was looking for right once , but spent the rest of the time in his own little creative world . " Chili 's ready , isn 't it ? " Lucas asked . " I can smell it . " He didn 't stop what he was doing or look at her . " Give me … 10 more minutes . I just want to finish this … thing . " He pointed his paintbrush at the area of the canvas he was working on . Then he turned towards her and gave her a quick kiss before turning back and placing his brush on the canvas . Lucas nodded and sat down at the table . There was chili and bread and sour cream and cheese . The chili wasn 't very spicy hot , but it was wonderfully flavourful . When Lucas commented on the lack of heat , Glory said , " I don 't really like hot stuff . It burns your taste buds out so that eventually you can 't taste the more subtle spices . " " I can see the stream and the early vegetation there . " she said , pointing to the pale green that is only seen in the early spring . " What 's this , flickering through the trees up here ? " she asked . Lucas watched her beautiful ass as she walked away from him and smiled . How could she do that ? Turn him on with a look and a smile like that ? Lucas leaned against the doorframe to take in the tableau before him . On the bedside table was a bowl of berries and a bowl of whipped cream . This was a game he hadn 't played in a very long time . " Very good . Maybe when you 're in Boston , I 'll show you just how good . " He pushed off from the doorframe and came over to her side of the bed , running two fingers through the top of the whipped cream , and kneeling beside the bed , offered them to her to lick off . He fully expected the jolt of pleasure to his groin , but he still gasped when he felt her tongue start to lick the sweet cream from his fingers . When she was done , she gave him an innocent smile and he shook his head . He ran a finger through the whipped cream again , this time depositing it on one of her nipples . She hadn 't been expecting that and squeaked in surprise as the coldness made her areola pucker . But it wasn 't cold for long as Lucas dipped his head to take her nipple into his mouth , lingering there long after the taste of whipped cream was gone . Lucas chuckled , which sounded like thunder rumbling through his chest . " I don 't know about better … that was pretty good … but it is nice with the berries . But it has to be the real deal , though , not some domestic bubbly . " Glory smiled . Every once in a while , she still found herself thrilling to the fact that this was Lucas Wolfe and he thought she was pretty impressive ! She had just made love to Lucas Wolfe and made him chili and taught him how to do yoga . She was a part of his life … his Toronto girl . It gave her a warm glow . Most of the time , it was easy to see him as just a guy , but every once in a while … The next day was Monday , and she had to work . Lucas had lined up several locations that he needed to take a look at and he had an appointment at city hall to talk about the perks being offered film companies for filming in Toronto and area . Glory already had their dinner planned and would set up the crockpot in the morning so that they 'd just have to come home and eat . By bluemaplein Dragons in the Dark , RomanceApril 26 , 20174 , 622 WordsLeave a comment Dragons in the Dark - Chapter 6 - Art Show Glory was up early the next morning , but she didn 't get up . She was nervous and anxious and what she needed was the slow , sensual lovemaking that Lucas was so good at . When they were done and he had her cradled in his arms , she felt like she owned the world ! Glory had an image that she liked to project of herself when she was ' playing ' the artist at her shows . She put on a pair of tights and a filmy , multi - layered top in shades of aqua and green and she finished the outfit with a long vest . The colours and the flow of the fabric made her feel connected and grounded and in the perfect frame of mind to talk to people about her art . " It 's got a nice flow to it ; let 's me feel free to express myself more easily . " Glory said , stroking his beard and kissing him sweetly before turning away to put on some make - up . She never wore much make - up and she didn 't make exceptions for art shows . With Lucas coming to the art show , Glory was even more anxious than usual before a show . She sat down cross - legged on the floor to try to still her mind for a few minutes . She opened her eyes to see that Lucas was doing the same thing . " Do you have any mantras that you use to meditate to ? I usually let the energy flow through the chakras until it 's flowing unimpeded . " Glory said . She wasn 't sure if he did yoga or not , but she had read somewhere that he did meditate . So Glory talked about the chakras as they sat together ; the position of each , what systems in the body they affected , and what they felt like when they were open . Lucas found her voice mesmerizing as she spoke and was focusing more on the sound than on her words . They sat quietly after she stopped talking for some time settling their minds and getting to a point of ease with the tasks ahead . " No , no yoga . " Lucas said . " I 've always wanted to try it , but never have . So , yes , I 'd love to do it with you . " Desirée met them at the yacht club and they went around and met the rest of the artists . Marion had her booth set up next to Glory 's and came over to meet Lucas and chat with Glory about her set up . Glory ended up moving a couple of paintings at Marion 's suggestion and Lucas had to admit that the changes were for the better . Finally , Miguel , who was a photographer , sent Glory in to stand near Lucas for a few shots . They sat together talking for a couple of shots , then Lucas stood up behind Glory with his hands on her shoulders and leaned in as if to listen to something she said . After that , Lucas pulled Glory out from behind the table and put his arms around her as though they were dancing . He held her mesmerized with his piercing blue gaze . When Miguel stopped shooting , Lucas gave Glory a quick squeeze before going to see what the pictures looked like . " You 're a natural in front of the camera , " Miguel said . " and so is Glory . You guys made it easy . I just had to point and shoot ! " " Well , I 've had lots of practise . " Lucas said , flipping through the pictures again . " Can I get you to blow this one up for me and mount it ? " he asked , showing Miguel one of the dancing pictures . " Let 's talk afterwards . " Lucas said . He could see the look of concern on Glory 's face around having her picture up on display in Miguel 's collection . " Like I said , lots of practise . It gets easy after a while . It was fun to call the shots , though . I don 't get to do that very often . That dancing picture will look great up in my house in LA . " Lucas said . " You know , if you 're not comfortable with Miguel adding it to his collection , maybe he could blur the faces . That would definitely give it more of an artistic feel . " Glory thought about that for a moment . " We 'll talk to him after the show and see what his intentions are around that one . Looks like the doors are about to open . Are you ready ? " Glory said . Lucas held up a handful of Sharpies and smiled . Holly came over then and hugged Glory and shook Lucas ' hand . " Mom 's on a bit of a warpath about you not bringing Lucas to dinner last night . " Holly said . And that was the last they were able to talk as the doors opened and crowds of people made a bee - line to see Lucas . Desirée had been very canny in how she had set things up , though . As people were waiting to meet Lucas , there were booths all the way around that they could go into . Glory watched Lucas as he greeted people , laughing and chatting comfortably with everyone . He put his focus on each person , making them feel special for that moment in time that they had with him . He was a joy to watch work . " Hi , mom ; Aunt Claire . " Holly said . " This is Lucas Wolfe . You remember us talking about meeting him before Christmas . " Lucas gave a little wave as he was still talking to a couple of other people . " Hi Claire … " He shook Glory 's aunt 's hand and then realized that he didn 't know her mom 's name ! " and Mrs . Campbell . " He extended his hand to shake Glory 's mom 's hand . " So formal ! " she said , with a smile . " You can call me Beth . " She shook his hand firmly . " These prints turned out really well ! " Beth had picked up one of the prints from the table and held it up to compare it with the original . " They did . " Glory said , coming up behind her mom and giving her a hug . " Marion 's printer is pretty well respected , and I can see why . " It took a minute to clear everyone from in front of the table , but they managed to get several great shots of all 4 of them with Lucas . In all of them , Glory was next to Lucas and Miguel could see a very nice bond there . The little touches , fond looks , and caring attitude came through in all of the pictures . " I 'll send these to you , Glory . You can let me know if you want any of them blown up or fixed up , okay ? " Miguel said before heading back to his booth . Lucas looked over at Glory , but she was busy with another customer . He could see that several of her smaller paintings were gone from the scaffolding and he smiled . A good day all around ! Then another group of people came for autographs and he lost himself in the job of signing and promoting Glory 's work . A glass of white wine appeared next to him and he looked up to see Glory standing there with her own glass . " You looked like you could use it . " she said , and held her glass out to him to toast . Lucas took a sip and closed his eyes to savour the taste . It wasn 't the best wine , but it wasn 't bad either … like he was any kind of wine connoisseur ! It was wet and had alcohol in it … that 's all that mattered to him at that moment . Lucas smiled at her and stretched out his hand . " I signed a lot of prints . How did we do , Holly ? " he asked , looking over at Holly , who was counting money . " Well , we had 200 prints and it looks like we 've only got about 50 left . And Glory , you sold 5 paintings ! That 's great ! " Holly said . " And I 've got a buyer interested in that one . " Glory said , pointing to one of her bigger pieces . " He didn 't want to take it with him today , but I 've got his number , so I 'll connect with him next week . " Lucas smiled up at her . What he wanted to do is to take her in his arms and kiss her , but he could see her mom and aunt still talking to Desirée , so he restrained himself . But he did stand up and give her a hug . " Thank you so much for doing this , Lucas . You probably drew a lot of people in that wouldn 't have otherwise come . " Glory said , not letting him go . " Glad I could help . " he said , pulling away and looking her in the eye . Holly had moved off to let Desirée know how much they had raised with the prints . Beth came up then and claimed Glory for a hug . " Congratulations , darling ! You did so well ! " Beth looked up to see that the Matt Hunter painting was still there . " You didn 't sell this one ? I thought I heard someone asking about it . " " That one 's mine . " Lucas said , quickly . " I don 't have a spot for it , yet , so I 'm leaving it with Glory until I do . " After a few minutes , Lucas excused himself to go over and talk to Miguel about their pictures . Miguel had loaded the photos onto his computer so that they could look at them in detail . They chatted about a few of them and Lucas settled with him on the shot he wanted , then he waved Glory over . " How 's that look ? " Miguel asked Glory . " If you think we need to blur it as well , I can do that , but all you can see now is the edge of your jawline . " " What do you think , Miguel ? " Glory asked . " I don 't want to screw up your shot … I 'm just not sure I want my face up at all of your exhibits . " " I like it with the shadow . " Miguel said . " Lucas ' face is well known , but to have his dance partner be a mystery works well for me . " " Of course . " Miguel said . " Here , let me revert to the original shot . " He clicked a few buttons in Photoshop to bring back the original picture and Glory gasped when it came up . It wasn 't only Lucas ' look that was breathtaking , but hers as well ! " I already did . " Lucas said and put his finger across her mouth when she started to protest again . " Don 't argue with Captain Hunter , remember ? " She smiled and kissed his finger before he pulled it away . " Let 's go and get everything packed up . Diana just got here , so we 'll be going for dinner soon . " Glory said . It didn 't take them long to pack up . Diana came over with Kelsey , who she gladly relinquished to Lucas when he reached for her . He seemed very comfortable holding a baby and Kelsey seemed to like him , too . She was a pretty good baby , but she did tend to get fussy when she was passed to strangers , but not Lucas ! " I 'm still a kid myself . " Lucas said in explanation . " Babies seem to sense that about me , I guess . " He turned back to Kelsey and started making faces at her . " Let 's see how things go . " Glory said . " I may need to keep my wits about me , but thank you . That 's really sweet of you . " " No problem , babe . " he said , settling back for the ride . " It 's the least I could do . Today was a lot of fun . " Glory smiled . It had been a wonderful day . That seemed to be how all of her days with Lucas went . " Always , when you 're around . " she said , quietly . " That would be nice . " She was at a red light , so she looked over at him and he leaned over to give her a quick kiss . The restaurant parking lot was just past the light , so Glory pulled in next to her mom 's car and squeezed Lucas ' hand saying , " Here goes nothing … " " We are , indeed , my dear . " Glory answered , stretching up to give him a quick kiss on the lips . She remembered too late what Lucas had said about always being recognized in airports and pulled back . " Come on . " he said for her ears only . " Let 's get out of here so I can kiss you properly . " He put his hand on the small of her back and guided her towards the doors . Lucas laughed . " You should still check the seats for scorch marks . " he said , jokingly . He gathered her into his arms , rhythmically stroking her back . " I was very surprised to hear that you hadn 't told anyone about me , about our sexual relationship , about our friendship , even . Most girls can 't wait to tell everyone they know that they 've slept with me . " Lucas said , quietly . Glory shrugged . " It 's pretty cliché to say , but I 'm not like most girls . It felt nice to have this thing with you that I didn 't have to share with anyone else . That was at first , anyway . But then , as time went on , it became harder and harder to tell people … " she said , letting her voice trail off . " And have we kept in touch since November ? What did you tell your family ? " Lucas asked . If he was playing a role on Saturday , he wanted all the pieces of the character . " I said we 'd been in touch a few times … the odd text , a couple of phone calls … but that was it until this weekend . " Glory said . " I 'm sorry … I shouldn 't ask you to lie . I should come clean with everyone and have done with it . " " Don 't worry about it . I just want to make sure I don 't put my foot in it on Saturday . " Lucas said , still stroking her back . " I 'd call it dating … nothing serious yet , but definitely two people who are interested in each other . " Lucas offered . Glory was quiet for a long time , thinking about how best to deal with her family . So they went and pulled together dinner . They lingered a long time over the wine , laughing and chatting about everything from painting to art to music to current affairs . Afterwards , they cuddled on the couch watching some mindless TV and still talking until Glory started to yawn . " I 'm sorry , babe . " Lucas said , shaking his head . " I wasn 't thinking … I 'm still on west coast time , but you must be beat ! " Glory had taken the next day off work so that she could prepare for the show . She had the prints to pick up and they could go in and set up her booth that afternoon . Desirée had almost lost her mind when Glory told her about Lucas and his idea to raise funds for their chosen charity . " And you never told me ? How long have you known him ? " She and Desirée were pretty close for co - workers … Glory should have told her back in November . " We met in November … remember that girl 's night out I did with my cousin … her first night out after the baby ? " Desirée nodded . " That weekend . " " No , nothing like that . " Glory lied . " Just friends , but I think he 's interested . It 's tough with him in LA and me here . " " True . Well , that will be so cool ! Did you get the prints ordered yet ? We can put a table in front of your booth , maybe . We can look at the logistics on Friday when you come to set up . " Desirée said , making changes to her floor plan in her head as she spoke . After that , Glory had spoken to Marion , her mentor . Marion had recommended her printer and Glory was able to get the prints ordered . She would have to bring the original painting in that night , Tuesday , but he seemed confident that he could have them done by Friday afternoon . Lucas came out an hour and a half later looking for her . He was wearing just his boxers . He stood behind her at the computer , watching her as she worked . " This is what a commercial artist does ? " he asked . Shower sex was always fun with Lucas ! His strength made almost any position they tried easy ! And holding his body against hers under the streaming water afterwards was a perfect way to start a day , Glory thought , breathing deeply of the steamy air and trying to catch her breath . " Well , we have to load up my car with the paintings that I 'm going to display and then make a stop at the printers to pick up the prints . By then , we should be able to get into the yacht club to start setting up . " she said , counting off on her fingers . " The prints should be ready by noon , so we can go there anytime , and Desirée said she 'd be at the yacht club setting up all afternoon . " Glory laughed . " That takes care of your part of it , anyway ! I 've got a cash box and I picked up some change for a float from the bank . I 've done up some posters on my computer … I 'm going to load them onto a stick and see if the printer can print them on 12 by 18 stock for me . " She was still going over what she needed in her mind . " I never realized how much would go into an art show . " Lucas said . " You let me know what you need me to do to help out . " He raised an eyebrow at her until she nodded , then he finished his coffee and said , " Are your paintings ready to go out to the car now ? I could start taking them down . " Glory took him over to the stack of paintings she had leaning against the wall . She had already wrapped them each in burlap to protect them on the drive down , so Lucas started taking them down to her car as she cleaned up the kitchen . She pulled out the cash box which had the name plates and pricing for each of the paintings in it and went to change . The space that had been set up for them was bigger than Glory had expected , but she used the scaffolding to hang the paintings up , and she had invested in a few spot lights to highlight her best pieces . The main one being highlighted the next day would be her Matt Hunter piece . In the end , she did have a few paintings that she didn 't put up and kept in reserve . If she sold something that was up , she would have another one to take its place . " Yeah . He said that was a fun night . He usually doesn 't get recognized , especially when he 's with me , so he 'll remember you guys for a while . " Lucas said with a little chuckle . " Wow ! " Holly said . " Well , tell him we had fun , too . " Then she excused herself to go and see if Desirée needed any help with anything . " For now , anyway . " she said , looking up at him . Suddenly , all she wanted to do was feel those wonderfully soft lips on hers . She reached up and caressed his beard , which surprised him . She was thinking and thinking hard . She didn 't like hiding , especially with her sister . If she took flack for this relationship , then she 'd rather take it now than later . " No , better just me . " Glory said and gave him a little push towards the door . She could see that Desirée was waiting for him by the truck with a couple more cases of wine . " Okay , so we 're more than just friends . I went back to the hotel that night and we played cards , then we slept together , then we made love . I stayed the weekend , and it was wonderful . We 've kept in touch and he had a stop over here in January and we spent the night together . And he is staying at my place this weekend . " Glory spoke quickly before she lost her nerve . " No … maybe … I don 't think so . I think I 'm just his Toronto girl . We haven 't talked about being exclusive or anything like that , so I 'm not deluding myself that I 'm his only girl . " Glory said , stumbling over her words a little bit . " What kind of relationship can you hope to have with a guy like that ? Long distance to be sure . His Toronto girl ? Come on Glor … you 're better than that . " Holly said , pleadingly . Glory thought about that for a minute . " I am . And when I 'm ready to have another serious relationship , I 'm sure whatever this is won 't be enough . But after Brad , I 'm ready to take a break and be really casual for a while . " she said , flicking on the spots to make sure that they all worked and starting to place them on the scaffolding , carefully aiming them . Glory smiled and followed Holly 's eye out the window . " He 's sweet and fun to be with , too . " she said with a tender look out the window . Holly turned back to Glory and gave her a hug . " Just be careful , eh ? Don 't let him stomp on your heart or anything . And be safe . " Glory smiled at her little sister . Why was it that she so often felt like the younger one in their relationship ? " I 'm always careful and safe is my middle name . Don 't worry about me . " She pulled Holly in for another hug . It was such a relief to have one person in the world to be able to talk to about Lucas ! " I begged off because Lucas is here . I 'm not sure I 'm ready for dinner with the family , yet . " Glory said , handing Holly another light and pointing at a picture to aim it at . " Right now , you 're the only one who knows the extent of this , and I 'd like to keep it that way for now . I don 't really want to have to deal with the world knowing … at least until there 's something to know . " " So you 're going to sign these prints of Glory 's picture of you ? I love that picture . It captures the complexity of the character . " Holly said . Glory poked her head around the scaffolding . " Here , put this sign up . " she said to Lucas , handing him the poster for over his table . Holly held one end of the poster up while Lucas secured the other end . " Mom 's not going to be happy that you 're not coming for dinner tonight , you know ? " Holly said , joining her sister to survey the booth . Glory looked at her and shrugged . " She 's always so negative about all of the guys I date . I 'm just not ready to take her flack over Lucas until I 'm sure there 's something to take flack over . " Glory was speaking quietly so that Lucas couldn 't hear her . Lucas came around the table to join the girls and check out their booth . " Na … everything is usually all set up for me when I do signings . " He closed his eyes as he thought about how elitist that sounded . " It 's kinda fun to help with the set up . There 's lots of wine for tomorrow . Does this turn into a drunk later ? " he asked Glory with a little smile . " Do I have to ? " Lucas asked , jokingly . He had one arm around her back and he pulled her in close to him . He was glad that at least Holly knew that they were intimate . Being platonic with her was proving to be a little difficult . Once her booth was set up , Desirée seemed to have everything under control , so Glory and Lucas took their leave , waving to Holly in the parking lot . " See you tomorrow ! " Holly said , and Glory nodded as she got into the car . " Grubby Chinese sounds perfect . " Lucas said . Glory leaned over to give him a quick kiss before putting the car in gear and heading out of the parking lot . By bluemaplein Dragons in the Dark , RomanceApril 11 , 2017April 11 , 20173 , 449 WordsLeave a comment Dragons in the Dark - Chapter 4 - Long Distance Nightmare 1 AM . That was the time on his phone as he picked it up to see who the hell was calling him in the middle of the night . When he saw Glory 's name , though , he answered immediately . " Do you have the lights on ? " he asked . He knew this is the first thing his sister did when one of her kids had a nightmare . Everything is scarier in the dark . Lucas sighed . What could he do for her from here ? If he was there , he 'd hold her and comfort her , but he wasn 't there . He shook his head in frustration . Finally , her voice came through the phone , small and scared . " I 'm in bed and it 's late . I 'm almost asleep when I hear the dragon come in the room . " she said , quietly . Glory paused for a moment . " No … it 's a camp cot . It must be at my cousin , Diana 's . Her and Holly would share her bed and they 'd set up a camp cot for me . " she said , sounding a little surprised at this revelation . Continue reading " Dragons in the Dark - Chapter 4 - Long Distance Nightmare " → |
Michael 's mother was still away , so I stayed put . I worried about her coming back though , and started to think about asking Billy if I could crash at his next . John finally came storming around on Monday morning , hammering on the front door so loudly Michael had no choice but to let him in , or risk upsetting the neighbours . " You don 't have to live with that bastard , do you ? " I asked him , when he appeared in the lounge , where I was sprawled out in the dark watching This Morning . " You don 't care about anyone but yourself , " I muttered darkly . He rolled his eyes and stamped his foot . He looked hot and sweaty and out of patience . I jerked forward then , my legs uncrossing and my feet slamming into the floor . I felt all of my anger and frustration crashing into me then , and in that moment it might as well have all been his fault . " They can 't make me live with that bastard ! " I hissed at him through my tightly clenched teeth . He recoiled slightly . Stepped back into the hallway where Michael was hovering unsurely . " Try living in some care home then , " he told me in thinly veiled disgust . " See if you like that any better . Look , you don 't have to like the guy . Just come home and behave yourself and they 'll leave you alone . It 'll probably fizzle out before you know it . You know what mum 's like . " I leaned slowly , wearily back into the sofa and crossed my arms . I looked back at the TV . " Just go John . " John emitted a soft growl before turning to look at Michael , lifting his hands and dropping them in a loose , help me , gesture . Michael just looked around at the hallway awkwardly and scratched at his arm . Finally , my brother gazed at the floor , shook his head twice and walked out . After a few moments had passed , Michael stepped into the room . " You 're really not gonna ' see him off ? " he asked me . I glared back at him , as if the answer were obvious . " Come on , " he said . " It could be your last chance to make him listen . Think about it that way . " " Just try , " Michael urged . " He 's your only brother mate , that 's all I 'm saying . I would never want to fall out with mine . " I left the house and rode home , picking up my pace a little as the words I wanted to say to John began to gather inside my head . I was struggling though . None of them seemed to be the right words . None of them seemed to do what I needed them to do . And as I neared the house , and his car parked outside of it , I was no closer to finding them , no closing to getting them to say what I needed them to say . I saw my mother and Howard going back inside the house and closing the door behind them . I wasn 't sure if they had seen me or not , but I was glad they had gone . John was in his car , with the engine on . He must have spotted me in the wing mirror , as he turned the engine off then , and rolled the passenger window down . I rode my bike up to the window and peered in at him . He breathed out in relief and offered me this hopeful smile . " Ah Dan , " he said . " I 'm glad you changed your mind . " " I don 't want you to go John , " I said , and I don 't know why I said it , or why I thought it . I just looked at him then and thought don 't go , just don 't go . His smile fell away and his shoulders drooped . " Not yet , " I added , when I saw the look on his face . " I 'll come home , if you do . I want you to stay longer , to check him out . I want you to listen to me a minute . " " Oh Danny , please , don 't do this to me ! " he groaned . " Don 't you think I 've already had this speech a hundred times from mum ? Am I supposed to never leave home ? Look after you two forever ? " " Danny , I spent a lot of time with him yesterday and he 's really not that bad . You just need to climb off your high horse and give him a chance yeah ? Stop judging him based on people from the past ! " I stared back at him , words filling my head and dropping away again . I didn 't seem to have the words to describe my dread , my sense of fear , because I couldn 't even explain it to myself . The way Howard had squeezed my neck that day . How he had blocked the doorway , and called me a stupid bastard . All of it . I wish now that I had just spat it out , just told him exactly what had happened , exactly why it was bothering me , but I stand by the reasons I didn 't . I knew what he would think . " What is it ? " he demanded impatiently . " He 's … he 's just not very nice to me . " That was all I could come up with , and even as I said it , I heard how childish and pathetic it sounded . John was giving me that look . The weary eyes , and the shaking head and the sigh he always released in order to muster up the patience he needed to deal with me . " What the hell do you expect Danny ? " he said to me . " Mum told me everything . You slashed his tyres and spiked his drink and vandalised his club ! Grown ups are never very nice to you , in case you hadn 't noticed , and that 's because of the way you behave ! " I saw this was going nowhere . John was itching to be on the move , to be driving away from here , and us . I had the strongest feeling then , that he would never be back . So I pulled away . I lifted one foot onto the pedal of my bike . " You know something John ? " I asked my brother . " Go and fuck yourself ! I 've got fourteen year old friends with more guts than you 'll ever have , so go on , fuck off ! " I spat on the ground , kicked off angrily and rode away from the car . I was faintly aware of John calling my name , but I ignored him and kept on going until I was gone . In the end , I had no choice but to return home . Two police officers turned up at Michael 's house on Tuesday morning , battered on the door and woke up Mrs . Anderson , who had wobbled home the night before . " Do we have to escort you home young man ? " one of them asked me , directing a nod to the patrol car parked in the street . I looked at it and felt a desperate sinking feeling in my belly . I didn 't bother answering them . I simply thanked Michael , apologized to his mother , got on my bike and cycled slowly home , with the police car rolling along slowly behind me . Unable to get my head around what she had done , I refused to speak to my mother for the first few weeks of the summer holiday . I didn 't see any point . As far as I was concerned , we had nothing to say to each other . She made the odd , tentative attempt to make amends with me , but whenever she opened her mouth to speak to me , I turned around , walked to my room and locked my door behind me . I moved around that house like some silent , brooding storm cloud . I played music in my room that tortured my soul , or at least , that was how it felt . Everything had a desolate feel to it . I kept my door closed , and locked . I stayed out of the house as much as I could , but when I was there , I lived in the side - lines once again , and in the background , I was always watching . I watched Howard move all his stuff in , and I watched him relax into position . It became quickly evident to me that he was a man with particular tastes and ways of doing things . He bought his big silver monstrosity of a TV with him , and our old one was taken to the tip . He bought his TV cabinet with him , complete with shelves full of wrestling videos . He paid for us to have Sky TV installed so that he could carry on watching all his favourite shows . Whenever I walked past the lounge , I would see them curled up on the sofa together , eating popcorn , or large bowls of crisps , laughing and shouting at the wrestling referee . She was able to leave her job at the garage and just work at the Co - op instead . He spoiled her with new clothes , meals out , and visits to the hairdressers . She looked better than she had in months . I tried hard to avoid dinner times , when we would eat things that Howard liked . It was either meat and two veg , or steaks and thick cut chips . The cupboards became overflowing with his snacks . Jam filled donuts , tortilla crisps and dips and Jack Daniels whiskey . I would shake my head and slam the doors in disgust . I didn 't want to eat a single thing that appeared to be his . That was getting harder and harder though , as he took control of the shopping and paid for everything on his credit card . My mum thought she was in heaven . She could buy whatever she liked . She could fill the trolley right up , and not have to walk around the supermarket with a calculator in her hand . His belongings started showing up everywhere , replacing all of ours . His brand new brown leather sofas were brought in to replace mums tattered paisley ones . I missed those sofas when they were gone . I couldn 't remember us ever not having them . There was a smiley face on the arm of one . I 'd drawn it in permanent marker when I was nine . His were too sleek , too shiny , and too rigid . They creaked and groaned when you moved on them . I stood back and watched it all without comment . The house seemed mismatched and at odds with itself . Howard enjoyed things that were new , and smart and top of the range . I found myself pining uselessly for the old and the tattered and the original . He seemed intent on immediately stamping his mark over everything and my mother seemed to welcome it at every turn . He was like a dog , pissing all over his new territory , warning others off . And I ran into his warnings every day . He was a man with rules . He liked order . He said he thrived in a neat and orderly environment . He said the mind could not function properly if it were surrounded by clutter . He would make a cup of tea , drink it , and then wash the cup , wipe it up and put it away again . He remained humorous about it , but you could tell he just did not understand why everyone else didn 't do the same . He had rules , and they crept in stealthily . Shoes were to be removed at the door . He and my mother had slippers lying in the hall , and they would slip into them , before slipping into eachothers ' arms . He was particularly protective of his leather sofas , announcing regularly how much they had cost , and walking around them about a hundred times day , checking them for rips or stains . I strained my ears every time I heard them together , looking out for bickering or arguing , desperate to pick up even a hint of a crack in their sickly sweet love story . But there was never anything . More and more I looked at them and felt that they were united against me , taking sly little shots , giving me a message . John called a few times from Leeds , to let us know how things were going , but I refused to speak to him . I didn 't have a brother any longer . And every night , the worse thing was the uneasy , gnawing feeling that settled over me . I couldn 't sleep while my stomach was all tied in knots . I couldn 't even write about it in my notebook , because I didn 't know how to explain it , I didn 't have the ability to articulate it … I think Michael was the only one who noticed a change in me . He kept slapping me on the back and telling me to snap out of it , or wake up . " Don 't worry about it , " he kept telling me , whenever he found me lost in thought , chewing at my nails . " Don 't panic . It 's not over , you just have to bide your time . What goes around comes around . " The thing was , Michael spoke the truth without even realizing it . He was right , I mean , when he said that what goes around comes around . He was talking about karma , I guess , people getting what they deserved , people 's actions coming back to haunt them . His words came back to me the morning I discovered salt had been sprinkled onto my toothbrush . I was close to retching , having spat the vile mixture of Colgate and salt back into the bathroom sink . I turned the tap on , stuck my head under and let my mouth be filled with water . Then I stared down at the globule of frothy toothpaste I had spat into the sink , and poked it with my finger . I lifted it to my mouth and tapped it with the end of my tongue . Salt . No fucking denying it . I washed it away and inspected my toothbrush . I was bowled over with confusion . Blown away . I wandered from the bathroom in a fuzzy kind of daze . The taste of salt lingered in my mouth all day , and the bad feeling lingered even longer . The same thing happened again before bed . I checked my brush first this time , and sure enough , someone had sprinkled a liberal dose of salt onto it . I stared at my reflection in the mirror above the sink . I shook my head at myself . I was dumbfounded . I didn 't know what to do , or say , so I did nothing , said nothing . After that , strange things started happening every day . I could have cried the day my favourite Doc Marten boots went missing from the hallway where I had been told to take them off . " Probably in your room , under your bed , with everything else , " my mother said when I asked her about them . I felt the red mist close to the surface whenever I was near her , so I backed off wordlessly . They weren 't under my fucking bed , because I had taken them off in the fucking hallway the night before ! Now they were not there . They were gone . I felt like a dick , hunting everywhere for them , even out in the garden . I even phoned Michael and Billy to check I had not left them at one of their houses and walked home in my socks without realizing it . I felt like I was going mad . I didn 't want to confront what the feeling in my belly was telling me , so I didn 't ; I just kept on hunting for them . For two days they were missing . Two whole days . And then , just as inexplicably as they had vanished , they reappeared again , lying discarded in the hallway , with the laces missing . What the fuck ? The tyres on my bike went down overnight , and when I turned it upside down to check for punctures , I discovered an inch long slash in each one . I recalled what the gang had done to Howard 's car , and I felt sickened and threw the bike down in horror . There were other things too . Weird stuff was mounting up day by day . It was getting harder and harder to breathe and at night I lay in a tortured suffering and felt like something was coming , like something was getting closer and closer and closer . Sometimes I would come home from school to find my bedroom door wide open , when I knew I had left it shut . Another time my wardrobe doors had been flung open , as if someone had been searching for something . On that occasion , I kind of flipped out a bit , and stormed down the stairs to demand some privacy . My mother looked up from her magazine in the kitchen . She looked at me like she always did ; like she both pitied me and feared me , and as for him , Howard , he was stood behind her , massaging her narrow shoulders . And he was smiling , like he 'd won the fucking football pools or something . So I lay awake , night after night , wondering if I was imagining half of it , or blowing it up in my mind . I wondered if I was going nuts , or having some kind of teenage breakdown . I was unable to fathom any of it . I couldn 't come to terms with an answer , I couldn 't clutch at anything solid . I felt like I had wandered into a bad dream and couldn 't find my way back out again . I didn 't tell my friends about any of this . Not even Michael . I wasn 't exactly sure why I kept it all to myself . Except that being with my friends was about the only time I felt good , and relaxed , and if I felt like that , I didn 't want to ruin it by talking about the darkness I felt seeping into my life . I didn 't want to bring us down . There were a few times I came close to confiding in Michael , especially when he asked me how things were with Howard in my house . But then I would think about how it would sound if I told him ; ridiculous . I would shut my mouth and try to make it all just go away . In some ways , I suppose I thought okay , fair enough , the bastard is paying me back , whatever . I thought maybe I did deserve it , and I thought maybe my mother would agree . But this other anxious , nagging voice told me that adults were not supposed to behave like that . I mean , two wrongs don 't make a right , isn 't that what they were always telling us ? And as for the man himself , he carried on as if nothing was wrong , as if everything was fine and dandy and normal . That was either exactly how he felt inside , or he was one hell of a good actor . When I thought about it , he reminded me of how Eddie Higgs performed at school , because that 's what his behaviour was ; a performance . Sweetness and light in the classroom , and evil unleashed in the playground . It was the same thing and it revolted me . I watched Howard worm his way into my mothers good books on a daily basis . It was as if he was constructing himself as her perfect man ; meeting every expectation and desire , and then some more . With her , it was easy to see why she doted on him the way she did . Everything he said was so good - natured , so reasonable , so helpful . Everything he suggested was designed to make life easier and more bearable for her . Because she deserved it you see , she deserved having someone to look after her . He suggested that I ought to help out more around the house at my age . He winced when he saw the state of my room , and started leaving the hoover outside my door as a hint . He wondered why I couldn 't collect up my own dirty washing and bring it down to the machine instead of expecting her to do it . He made a noise in the back of his throat when I left the dinner table , and them , to the washing up . To every remark , every suggestion and comment , my mother would nod with enthusiasm and fix me with a challenging stare . I tried to avoid him wherever possible , but when I did run into him , his tones were never quite so pleasant out of my mothers ' earshot . His voice would rumble gruffly and sneeringly out from between his neat rows of teeth . " Turn that awful shit down , you 're giving me a headache , " he rapped on my door once to complain . Another time , I was minding my own business , eating my breakfast at the kitchen table , when he came up behind me and stopped . I knew he was there . I could sense his presence and smell the Old Spice aftershave he plastered on every morning . He stood there for a few minutes , right behind me , not saying a word . I finally gave in and looked up at him expectantly , and do you know what he said to me then ? He smiled a bit , leaned towards me and said ; " Where 's your old man then eh ? Ran off and left you did he , eh ? " I turned my head slowly , stiffly , back to the table and blinked down into my cereal bowl . What the hell kind of question was that , right out of the clear blue sky ? I didn 't answer him , couldn 't bear to look at him let alone speak to him , but he carried on , talking in this low , sneering voice while my mother pegged clothes out on the line . " Couldn 't be bothered with you I suppose . Ah that 's not very nice is it ? Your own dad not wanting to be around you . I must be lucky eh ? Got a great relationship with my old man . " And then next , came the death of my bike . My mother , calling to me from outside in an exasperated , pained tone , and when I arrived on the doorstep , her gazing at me rather solemnly and apologetically as she explained that Lee had accidentally ran over my bike when he had returned from the club in the early hours of the morning . " I did tell you a million times not to leave it in the middle of the drive ! " she said , all flustered and torn between pity and anger , as per fucking usual . I rushed past her to see it . There it was , this awful tangled ruin of a bike lying in front of his prick mobile car . Tears of disbelief sprang into my eyes before I lashed out , kicking first the useless bike , and then his car . " I put it away ! " I cried over my shoulder , shaking my head as I stared down at the wretched , mangled thing . " I put it away I know I did ! That stupid tosser ran over it on purpose ! " She did not reply . She did not try to soothe or console me . She just slunk back indoors , and already I could hear his soothing tones placating her in the kitchen . I sank down to my knees on the driveway and allowed the deep rage to spread through me , and as it did I felt it pulling me down , hanging me with weights , making it impossible for me to hold my head up . " Bastard , " I growled through tightly gritted teeth . My hands were bunched up fists sat uselessly in my lap . " Bastard . " Sometime later , when things got worse , when things started to unravel in spectacular fashion , I took the time to reflect and came to the conclusion that Howard must have had his own master plan in action the entire time . Maybe from the very beginning , maybe from before he even met me . Like Michael 's Project Arsehole , his would have involved a Plan A and B , and so on as well . His would have had it 's subtle , thought out phases of appliance . As time passed , I found it easy to see how he would have implemented it . And he had been right about one thing . I never should have made an enemy of him , but it was too late by then , it was all too late . We had inadvertently started this war , this battle , and the cycle was in motion , and it was one of those vicious circles , wasn 't it ? It was certainly vicious anyway . His Plan A would have been making my dear mother like putty in his big hands . Playing on her insecurities , her fear of being alone , her inability to cope , her exhaustion . Plan B would have been the pranks he played to get back at me . Sinister but ultimately harmless . Plan C kicked in shortly after . Plan C was made a whole lot easier for him by the absence of John , and any adult that would believe a word I said . Life was satisfying and frustrating in unhappily equal measures . I was obviously used to living on my own , and I understood that moving in with Kay and her son was going to involve some compromises . I was not a man who finds compromise easy . It did not sit comfortably with me ; giving in . Of course , in business , at work , there were always times when compromise was needed , but I tried to keep them at a minimum . I was not the boss so that I could do things the way other people wanted . I was the boss so that I could have things my own way . The right way . I sensed early on that Kay longed for someone to take control . She had been in the driving seat for years , you see . She had been alone . Some people are born to be alone , they are made that way whether they like it or not . Kay was not one of those people . She spent her early years trying desperately to please her mother . Despite her feistiness , she was at heart , a people pleaser . We 'd had long , drawn out conversations about her early marriage , to Johns father . " We married too young , but we were in love and we wanted to prove everyone wrong , " she said . She did it to escape her mother , you see . She had John when she was twenty years old . She tried to make it work , all of it . For a long time , she stuck at it , day after day , until one day she looked at herself in the mirror and realized that she was living a lie . She did not love David , not the way she was meant to , not the way she knew he loved her . She stuck it out for a bit longer , for John , and for everyone who loved David . She thought if she put her heart and soul into it , she would love him properly one day , she would feel the nerves of passion in her belly once again . She succumbed to an extra - marital affair . " David was too nice , " she explained , the night we sat in the car up on the cliff top . She was drinking champagne and wearing a knee length dress . The dress had slipped down her knee when she lifted one over the other . I watched its silky crumple towards her thigh . " He was too eager , too everything . Drove me mad in the end , that 's why I did it , and God I know it was evil of me really , to hurt him like that . It was like I wanted to destroy my whole life . My mother thought I had gone mad . She really did . " I understood . I had not met David , it was unlikely I ever would , but I could see him in John . He stayed in the middle , on the fence , like his mother , born with the desire to please others , but without the defence mechanism that led her to be fiery . John was consistent , placid and plodding . I found him pleasant and dull . He wanted to see good in people , so he picked it out , even from the bad . " And after that I guess I got what I deserved , " she went on , now leaning into the leather of the seat , resting her head back , showing an extension of pale , slender neck . She emitted a long , solemn sigh . " On my own , with a young child . My mother wouldn 't speak to me let alone help me in any way . So I struggled on . Bloody hated it though . Having to do it all myself . All the decisions , and the sleeplessness , everything . " She didn 't really need to explain anything to me . I could read her like a book . Her face hid nothing , she wore her heart on her sleeve . She longed to be cherished . But she felt the need to offload on me , and that was fine . I was a good listener . I enjoyed hearing her story unfold . The thing was , her story always came back to him . She called him her son , but really he was her penance . She felt guilt whenever she looked at him , because he never should have been born . He never should have been . " Stupid fling , " she said of his father . " I fell for him in a schoolgirl crush type way . He was younger than me , a guitarist in a band , full of charm and confidence . He could have had any girl he wanted , but he liked me . And he was funny , and wild , and adventurous , and it was all great fun for a while , but that was all it was ever meant to be . Until I found out I was pregnant . " She had expected him to run like the wind , but he was curious about family life . She was just starting to get her life back , with John at school , and a part time job , and a stab at a social life , and now this . This thing growing inside of her . This parasite latching on to an unwilling host . She told me her deepest secret that night in the car . Later on I reclined the passenger seat , slipped her dress over her head and fucked her with my hand held over her mouth . But before that , she told me . Her eyes were heavy with overloaded mascara and metallic blue eye shadow that had collected in the lines . Her lipstick had worn off and her hair was tousled . " I 've never told anyone in the world this , " she said , and her eyes seemed to pierce right through me then , they seemed to shine a light right through my heart , and I wanted to crush my lips down upon hers until I felt our teeth clash . " It 's the worst secret I have , " she went on , her voice a small girls whisper . " People would hate me if they knew . I hate myself . " In truth , what she did , or nearly did that day was neither evil or wrong , and if I had known her back then , I would have told her this . She didn 't want the child that was growing inside of her . The thought of it made a panic rise up in her chest , a sensation of life escalating out of her control and away from her dreams . She resented the ache in her breasts and the sickness in the mornings , and she resented the thought of being chained to Brett forever more . She took a taxi one day , all alone . She went to a place , in secret . She had to sit in a waiting room for a long time , with other women , who looked just like her , pale and drawn and soaked in guilt . She had an appointment at ten o ' clock to kill the baby . She was going to take a pill that would make her start to bleed . The blood would leak and flow until the baby flowed with it . She would go to the toilet and flush it away . That was it . Her dark secret . The reason she viewed her son with fear and self - loathing . " I still don 't know what made me run out , " she croaked , closing her eyes briefly and then opening them to the release of one solitary tear . " Maybe it was what my mother would have said , maybe it was Brett . Maybe it was the baby . I don 't know . But I ran out , I couldn 't do it , and so I had him . And you know what ? This will sound terrible Lee , but as soon as he was born , I held him and looked into his face , and he looked back at me , and I thought , he knows . He knows . Crazy I know . He was minutes old for God 's sake . But I felt it that day , and then I felt it again and again . " By this , she meant the years that followed . The sleepless nights that did not end until he was three . The tantrums and the wilfulness . " He was horrible , " she told me , a small smile playing on her lips . " I mean , I can say it because it was true , and because he knows it 's true . He was so sweet on the outside that everyone fell in love with him , because he was such a beautiful child . But they didn 't see what he was like on the inside , they didn 't know what he was like at home . Christ , it was one battle after another . Everything ! Getting him to eat , getting him to sleep , getting him dressed , whatever . Everything was a fight , all the time , and of course by then Brett was bored and stressed , and then he got in trouble with the police and I kicked him out . " She looked a little self - pitying then , her lower lip protruding slightly , her eyes downcast . " So I was totally alone , with these two kids . Didn 't have a clue what I was doing most the time . Just gave in to Danny to shut him up . Just gave him whatever he wanted because I was too exhausted to fight him . " Too exhausted , and too full of gut churning guilt whenever she looked at his face , more like . Fancy living with someone , day in day out , knowing that you came close to killing them ? That you were minutes away from extinguishing their existence before it even began . Imagine what that would do to your mind , and your soul . Of course , Danny did not know that she had wanted to abort him . Of course , he didn 't . He didn 't know it at thirteen and he sure as hell didn 't know it as a newborn baby . It was just her guilt torturing her , convincing her that karma was staring her in the face every time she changed his shitty nappy . He didn 't know what she had nearly done , but he did know that he had one over on her , because kids can pick these things up . He knew she was weak and he knew something was not quite right , and he took advantage of this , and that became their life . So I knew . I knew her secret , and I knew his . I knew their story . But we were here now . I had stepped onto a new block of life . The next one in the order . It was as it was supposed to be . We had our love , and we had our home , and we had our future , and it was this that gave me satisfaction , as I had known it would . The frustration was a less welcome thing ; something I had not planned for , something I was compromising on . The thing was , I wanted to know her story . Her own story , made up of the steps of her life that had led her to me . But all she could talk about was him . I listened , I always listened . But her obsession frustrated me . It was however , imperative that I had all the information , so I was never going to tell her to shut up about him . I already knew he was our enemy . I knew it before I met him . I knew it when she told me all about James , and Frank Bradley . When she laughingly tried to warn me off . I didn 't quite grasp the severity of it until the night the little bastards slashed my tyres though . That was when I knew I had to play closer attention . There was a spanner in the works , plotting to mess things up . Okay then . So I allowed her to whine on about him . Day after day , night after night . Romantic meals that became peppered with her exasperation with his school report , long walks at the beach that turned into animated rants about his rudeness , or his smoking . Her body , weak against mine , as she sobbed about how lonely she was , how she could not cope anymore , how she was close to giving up . " He actually hates me , " she told me the day we decided I would move in to lend a hand . " That 's the thing that scares me , because I know it 's true . And he doesn 't just hate me because I 've made a mess of things , and he doesn 't have his dad , he hates me because he has no respect for me , because he looks down on me . " " You can 't go on like this , " was what I told her . " You 'll end up in hospital or something . You need to look after yourself at some point , put yourself first . " " You can reclaim it back . Little steps . You 'll feel stronger anyway , once I 'm there , because you 'll have back up and support . You won 't be doing it on your own anymore . " I didn 't have to convince her obviously . Yes , moving in was my idea , but it was something that would benefit us both , in more ways than one . She needed financial help . I had lent her money for the rent twice , and more for bills she was behind with . It was pointless , wasn 't it ? We would both save money if we lived together . There was nothing to stand in our way , as far as I could see . She reminded me of slashed tyres and spiked drinks , and in response , I roared with laughter . " You think that would put me off ? You think I 'd let little kid stuff like that keep me away from you ? That 's nothing , and I can guarantee you , give him a few weeks to get used to it , and life will be fine . I can guarantee it . " " He will make our life hell ! " she had nudged me playfully and laughed . " If he 's done stuff like that already , what the hell will he do when you 're living there ? Christ , I wouldn 't eat a thing or drink a thing if I were you ! " Well he reacted as we expected he would , so that was fine , we were prepared and we even laughed about it later . Him throwing a tantrum , trashing his room , running off . I wanted to laugh in his face the day he cycled home with the cops behind him . I didn 't need to though . The humiliation was dragging his shoulders down . He was in a sulk then . Hilarious stuff . John gone , and him refusing to speak to his mother . He built up a wall of silence and refused to come down from it . Dinners were eaten in silence . Anything we said to him , or asked of him , was returned with silence . Well , he probably thought he was punishing us , but what he was actually doing was giving us an easy ride , a rest . So I settled in . It felt like home , but that was more to do with coming home to Kay every night . Waking up and rolling over to see her face in the morning . She owned a rare kind of natural beauty . She looked stunning with her hair and make - up done , like a model , but she didn 't need any of it . First thing in the morning , she looked like an angel , she looked like she could smile and break your heart . She was happy and it showed . She slept well and awoke rosy cheeked and wide eyed . She could relax about money , and bills , and decisions . She laughed about it . " Oh you do it ! " she said . " I 'm not doing anything ! " It was other things that frustrated me , not Kay . I didn 't like clutter and rubble around me . You don 't need it . You don 't need to hoard magazines , and collect ornaments , or crockery , or pictures . Your mind needs space around it . Mess irked me . It made me wince and grimace . It made me feel restless . So that was one thing ; to start making some rules . For their own benefit . Kay laughed the first time she saw me dragging a hoover around the lounge , snuffling up toast crumbs from the floor . " I just can 't stand mess , " I kept telling her with a smile . " I can 't leave it there and look at it , I can 't sit and watch the TV with it there . Sorry honey . " Well … things build up , and you can 't tolerate it forever . Spanner in the works , and all that . Thorn in my side . Because she worried about him , and she fretted about him , about whether he was eating enough , or sleeping enough , or up to no good when he was out with his friends . And still , the guilt . The guilt plagued her mercilessly . It was another one of my frustrations ; her feeling bad about herself . It wasn 't right , or fair . Enough time had passed , and now it was time to iron out those lingering frustrations and get things settled the way I wanted them to be . I had compromised , and now it was getting thin . So I wondered what this kid was really made of ? He didn 't look like much to me . So he had a nice looking face , big deal , so what ? Apart from that he wasn 't much to look at , or think about . I looked at him and thought that she had made a big mistake not aborting him when she had the chance . He was a waste of space with a sneering expression and hair like a girl . He dressed down to the extent that he looked like a tramp most of the time . He listened to music so loud it shook the whole house . So I started with a few tricks , a few pranks , as he was obviously such a fan of these childish things . I played him at his own game to see how he would like it . I don 't suppose he did like it much , but he didn 't say a lot about it , so I carried on , seeing how far I could push , seeing how much I could get away with . I came home from work late one night . It was about three in the morning , and there he was , creeping around the kitchen , rifling through the cupboards for food . It all fell into place then ; how he managed to avoid meals with us and not starve to death . Sneaky little fucker . I felt a stab of anger and resentment immediately . In fact just running into his scowling little face was enough to set my teeth on edge . There he was , helping himself to food I had worked and paid for , while he did fuck all , despite me pressuring Kay on numerous occasions that he ought to have chores . I decided there and then that the ridiculous silence had gone on long enough , and it was about time him and I got a few things straight . I went into the kitchen , and closed the door behind me . I dropped my keys onto the kitchen table , making him jump and turn in guilt , packet of crisps in one hand , chocolate bar in the other . " All right you little fucker , " I sighed , raising one of my feet onto the nearest chair and leaning out over my knee . My entire being seemed to fill the room then , and I felt it in myself , the way the energy fizzed through my body . I felt myself physically fill the room , and I felt the boy diminish , and I liked it . " What 're you doing sneaking around the house at this time ? " He glared back at me , despising me for even speaking to him , for even looking his way . He glanced at the crisps he held . " What does it look like ? " I chuckled softly and smoothed my beard with my thumb and forefinger . " Fuck me , you can speak after all ! " He sort of rolled his eyes and grunted and made to move past me , but my foot came down quickly , blocking his path , blocking everything . " Oh no you don 't , " I told him calmly . " You put those back right now . If you ate the meals your mother makes , you wouldn 't be hungry now , would you ? So put them back . " " You can 't tell me what to do , " he started to say , but I wasn 't interested , so I finished for him . I snatched the items from his hands and hurled them at the wall behind . He stared back at me , open mouthed and scared and I was glad . " I pay for that food , little man , " I hissed down at him , pointing my finger at his face . " I pay for the fucking food by working my arse off , so you don 't turn down the meals we provide , and come down here in the middle of the night , stealing , all right ? You 've got no respect , you know that ? No respect for anyone , and I 've pretty much had enough to be honest , watching what you put your mother through . I 've run out of patience . " There was this loaded silence between us then , as he stared at me , and I stared at him , and so I waited . I watched his face as he switched between anger and fear . I wondered which one he was going to land on . It really intrigued me ; what this little rebel without a cause was made of . I wondered how long it would take to get him into line . Finally the boy licked his lips , swallowed and gave it to me . " Fuck you , " he said to me , as clear as day . Fuck you . I took him by surprise . I laughed at him and then grabbed him by the back of the neck and slammed his head down onto the table . I was surprised by how light he was . I could have picked him up like that and tossed him across the room and watched him crumple in the corner . " What did you just say to me you little bastard ? " I kept him down by his neck and pushed my lips right into his reddening ear . " What did you just say to me ? " I tightened my grip on his neck then . Dug my fingers into the skin as hard as I fucking could . I felt like they would pop through the skin and meet in the middle of his neck . He was making this aaaaaa sound right at the back of his constricted throat , with his eyes squeezed shut . I leaned in so that I could see the fear and the surprise on his face , and in his eyes when he opened them to find out what the fuck was going on in his pitiful little life , and I soaked up that look , I mean I relived it for days to come , and it was a surprise to me , the power I had and the way I sucked it right up into me . " You got something to say to me now little man ? " I relaxed my hold and asked him . " You want to say that again ? " " No , " came the breathless , panicked reply , and I was pleased with that , so I let go of his neck . I placed my hands down on the table on either side of him , and I was leaning right over him , and he was like my prey , caught , ensnared , powerless until I decided otherwise . I watched him lift one shaking hand to rub at the marks on his neck . His face was working , like he was trying like hell not to cry . I wondered how brave he really was . " That 's right , " I told him from above . " You 've got nothing to say to me except yes sir , and no sir , do you get that ? Things have changed around here you little shit stain , do you get that now ? And I want you to stop being a spoilt little baby and taking the piss . Toe the line , and we get to be one nice little happy family . Piss me off again , it won 't just be your bike gets broken . " |
I 'm a 27 year old girl . I still wet my bed almost every night . I don 't know why I never grew out of it , I just didn 't . Its a pretty big shock when I wake up with dry pants cuz it hardly ever happens . About two weeks ago , I woke up when I was just starting to go pee . My panties were sorta wet cuz I had dribbled but not too bad , but I had to go so bad I couldn 't make it all the way downstairs to the toilet . I tried really hard to make it even though I kinda knew I wouldn 't make it . I was leaking little dribbles in my pants all the way down the stairs and I had barely got to the bottom of the stairs when I totally had an accident on the floor . It just all came out ; there was no holding it back . I sometimes wet myself during the day but not near as much as nighttime . I think its because I 'm so shy and I feel kinda panicky in public , and I think that makes it hard to hold my pee sometimes . I also have a really bad habit of waiting too late . I always seem to think I can hold it , but then it turns out I can 't . Sometimes I don 't even realize I need to pee at all until its almost too late . The other day was awful . I was driving home from the store and suddenly I realized I had to pee . BAD ! I thought I could get home but all of a sudden , I knew I 'd never make it in time . I pulled into a gas station so I could pee , but I really had waited way too long . I was already going in my pants when I got in the doorway of the gas station , and I just couldn 't go any further . All I could do was stand there , soaking my pants and all over the floor in front of like six people . When I was done , I ran out , crying . I was so humiliated pissing my pants in front of strangers like a preschooler . It happens off and on . I wish so much that it didn 't . THis is nothing new at all . This kind of thing happened to me as a kid , a teenager and on and on . I guess you could say I never really was reliably toilet trained . It sucks ! Hey Elisabeth again , I know I don 't write frequently . There are so much good now posts here . Today in school I saw the awfullest toilet there ever . I had a lesson off after midday and went to the toilets near the playground at my school , because some toilets in the school were to far away and it was urgent . The smell inside was disgusting and I searched for the source . I must say that only 12 of the 20 stalls are open . I found that it was one of the stalls in the middle . It looked like more than one girl defaced the toilet and stall . There were several unflushed logs in the toilet , I would not mind if it were just skidmarks . Some must have peed over the toilet paper and the toilet seat , it was full of pee . On the inside of the doorhandle hung a use tampon . It was an awful view . I closed the door and went to a clean stall . I put quickly some toilet paper on the seat and sat dow . My pants and panties were at my ankle . I started to pee and it felt good . I also pushed if I need to poop , but no I did not need it . After I flushed I washed my hands and went back to my friends . This must be a poor person who must clean it . I also think as a result this stall will be closed too . oldpoop From what I can gather from reading and experience , a bowel movement is supposed to be pretty large so it can stimulate the diaphragm and rectal muscles to push it out . I read once that the ideal movement is about the size , shape and texture of an over - ripe , fairly large banana , sometimes more than one . In my own experience , as a younger man I felt best after passing a long thick movement , often well over a foot in length and over an inch thick . I still enjoy such large movements , though they are not as common now that I am over 70 years old . There is nothing wrong with a large stool as long as it is reasonably comfortable to pass . Most often you need a push , sometimes a fairly hard one , to start the movement 's passage through the anus ; but long straining is not good . Anyway , the term " healthy b . m . " has always implied a big one . As I remember , my teen years were the time when I most consistently had very large movements ; as an adult , I became less active ( no phys . ed . or team athletics ) , so I ate less , and my movements , while still large , were not quite as large as what I had when I was , say , 15 to 20 years old . Tony 's large b . m . 's sound pretty normal to me ; he merely needs to pay attention to the factors I cited in my last post - - and be sure to heed any signals he gets from his bowels . Toilet capacity and ability to flush is another issue entirely , and I won 't tackle than one here . I got constipated again recently . It started when I was helping a friend who 's in college move out into another apartment . I spent a couple days helping him and running errands and all this stuff and that meant I had no time to relax or to really think about what I was eating , so eventually it had been a couple days with no . . . movements . Finally today I got an urge , but I could tell by test pushing ( glad to know other people do this ) that it was going to be big and hard , so I had to make attempt # 1 - - and I couldn 't get anything out at all . I could feel something really wide and hard start to come out but I couldn 't get it to move any further . I was pushing as hard as I could and grunting out loud and all that and I didn 't want to start feeling nauseous like I have in the past from straining too much , so I just gave up . I hate having to give up . But sometimes when I 'm constipated and I 'm feeling urges but nothing comes out , I just have to eat something else to force it out of there . So that 's what I did - - had three slices of watermelon . Then the urge came back but this time it was stronger and it felt like something was going to come out . So I decided to lay out some toilet paper next to the toilet and squat because I knew that sitting wasn 't going to be the best position . So I started pushing as I was squatting and finally I could feel something coming out . It took a coupe tries but I finally got some hard dark brown stuff out and then the rest came out easily . It was really wide and dark brown and it was such a huge pile that I was afraid of clogging but luckily that didn 't happen . @ Tyler Sorry to hear that . It sounds like constipation returned . I mean , if I 'm constipated , then that just means that I don 't get urges for a couple days and by the time I do , things have gotten harder and bigger . Is that the same that you 're referring to or is your problem different ? Andrew . hey ; happy to hear the good news with your son . When you 're completely blocked like he was . . . . things get very uncomfortable very quickly . He was at a point where he needed to do whatever was necessary ; believe me . . . . I 've been there . Don 't all teenagers do large poops ? ? ? LOL ! That 's what we do ! As long as they 're soft and don 't hurt . . . . . that 's fine . Like me and so many kids . . . . he probably does have an enlarged colon . . . . what with his history of continual cycles of constipation . That allows huge amounts of stool to settle in down there before he gets an urge to go . And ; if he does go . . . . that 's fine . But . . . if ; as you say he ignores urges . . . . then that huge lump of stool is just gonna get harder and drier . . . . Maybe he 's like me . I have to constantly pay attention to when I 've last gone . . . . and work at it . If I didn 't . . . there would be way too many times when I would end up like you just did . . . . . backed up so bad that it hurts like hell to get it out . It 's a miserable feeling . Think about it . . . . when teens are " regular " . . . . we pass " foot longs " all the time . Just think about how much builds up inside of us when we miss urges and don 't poop much for days on end . How can our bodies even deal with it ? ? ? To Tony : I hope you decide to post here . Maybe you just want to read for a while . . . . see what it 's like . . . and then you can decide . Thursday , September 05 , 2013 I seem to be regressing . After lunch yesterday I had an odd " full " feeling . . . . . and after thinking about it . . . . . I realized that I hadn 't gone for three ( maybe four ) days . Absolutely nothing had come out of me for all that time . . . . and I had felt NO URGES . I did some " test pushes " . . . . and . . . . nothing . ( I was at a BBQ . . . . just standing around and talking ) I got home and sat on the toilet and really tried . Still ; nothing came down . I finally decided to finger myself a little . . . . . and finally I was able to stimulate things and I had a bowel movement about a half - hour later . I peed out of my bedroom window awhile back . I really had to pee and it 's summer time , so I pushed the wooden frame around the window up , then pulled the screen up , then pulled the glass window up . I unzipped my pants and pulled out my penis , then stood on my tiptoes so my pee stream could go out the window , I start peeing and I peed out the window , I actually ended up peeing onto a shelter type thing above the basement door , but nobody saw or heard me peeing . Bianca Hello To Maintenance Man : Thank you for responding ! We don 't have the money to get the bathroom fan fixed , so my family and I just stay away from it . Interesting how a bad bathroom fan could overheat within just several seconds . Mom told me the motor is bad , so wear is most likely the issue here . Our house is around 60 years old , and most likely this bath fan has been sitting in the housing that long . I haven 't had interesting poops lately , but sometimes I go more than offten just like the rest of us . One time on Dr G Medical Examiner , a person died from the bacteria in his gut . When the examiner opened the body to review his bowels , they were packed with poop to the point that only a little bit of liquid could seep out ! MikeyPee I no sooner got situated on the toilet and I began to urinate almost immediately . I thought I was properly positioned on the toilet , but as soon as I started to go , something didn 't sound right ( I didn 't hear the sound of my pee in the bowl ) . However , I couldn 't stop peeing , and the next thing I knew , I looked down on the floor only to discover a puddle of urine forming near bowel movement and I just sat still until my BM had dropped into the toilet . By this time I had finished peeing and most , if not all , of it was now on the floor in front of the toilet . We had company all weekend and fortunately the bathroom door was closed . When I 'm alone or just here with my wife , I 'm not that diligent about closing the door . So I didn 't need to worry about anyone seeing what I had done . At this point I just folded some toilet paper and dropped it on the floor to sop up my puddle of urine and I might add that even though I thought I needed to have a BM it was a bit of a surprise . I had a very big BM a few hours earlier ( a big log ) , and I would have thought that I was cleaned - out for the time being . Bloated Butt Hi there ! I think a lot of us pear - shaped women have epic BMs , as you say . I dunno why , I think its because we have larger pelvis and that means a bigger colon . But I 'm not a medical professional . At any rate , yes , it was embarressing to have my boyfriend see me like that . But it wasn 't the first time , so while it was embarressing , it wasn 't like " OMG i cant believe this is happening ! " The first time it happened I was trying so hard not to cry . But my boyfriend is super sweet and I got used to it . I pretty much HAD to get used to it because there 's just no hiding when I need to poop . Again , I only go about once every two or three days and I eat a ton , so whenever I 'm ready to have a BM there 's a ton of poop ready to come out . I can be coy for only so long , y ' know ? And yes , I would 've let my boyfriend watch me on the toilet if he had been able to come with me into the gas station bathroom , or if I had held it all until we got home . But I 'm comfortable around him and he makes me feel safe . He 's cuddled me when I 'm constipated and / or bloated . In fact , the incident that made me start opening up about my bowel habits involved us cuddling in bed . We had eaten a large dinner ( pretty much every dinner I have is a large dinner , I like to cook and I like to eat , what can I say ? ) and I was feeling bloated and gassy . I was still extremely shy about pooping and farting around him even though we were living together , so I was trying to be nonchalant . He had his arms wrapped around my stomach and I was definitely feeling some telltale pressure , so I said " Ooooooh , don 't squeeze me so hard , okay ? " " You are a little bit . . . " He really wasn 't squeezing me , he just had his arms around my midsection , but again I was trying to be sneaky and I didn 't want to say " Because I 've got a major gas bomb in my stomach and something very bad will happen if you squeeze it too hard . Something very embarressing for me and very unpleasant for you . " But just then my stomach gurgled REALLY LOUD as the gas shifted inside , and suddenly I felt a huge fart coming . I tightened my butt . " Are you okay ? " he said with concern . And just then , my boyfriend did something which I 'll never forgive him for : he squeezed me as tightly as he could . My eyes popped open and I had only a moment to gasp before the loudest and biggest fart erupted from my gigantic behind . It lasted like 10 seconds or something ridiculous and was so loud you could probably hear it from outside the bedroom . Finally it trailed off and I gasped again , this time out of sheer shock of what I just did . " Feel better ? " my boyfriend said , and I looked at him and he was grinning ! " Oh my God ! " I put my hands over my face and started to fight back tears , repeating " Oh My God " over and over again . It was then that my boyfriend saw how upset I was and started comforting me . He held and kissed me and assured me it was no big deal . He asked me if I cared if he farted or pooped , and I said of course not , and then he said " So why are you so embarressed about your own bodily functions ? Why are you holding yourself to a different standard ? " I didn 't have a good answer for that , except that I was trying to be so pretty and attractive for him , and I thought he 'd be disgusted at what my body could do . But now that the worst had happened , I started feeling better about it . That was how it started . I still try to be a low key as possible , out of sheer politeness if nothing else , but like I said , sometimes its impossible when I 've got something humongous ready to come out . The point of all of this is that you 'll become more comfortable around him whether you plan to or not . Good luck ! I am new girl here at the site and I am a 21 - year old college senior . Anyway , I drink a lot of water and I love to hold my pee . It feels so wonderful . I will bounce , wiggle , rock , kick , and squirm with my legs pressed tightly together . At my high school prom I pretty much had to go the entire night . It started to get so bad about halfway through my hairdressers appointment . I tried not to squirm so much by crossing my legs really tight with my hand between them . After the hairdressers I drove home and then put on my green dress to go and I was really pacing around my room . My date picked me up and we went . First we had dinner and I was really starting to squirm and bounce around in my chair . Then the dancing began and it really helped me to hold my legs together and shake . I danced most of the prom until it got so unbearable that I just went to the bathroom after holding it for many hours . I probably never hold it past 10 hours or so . Bean Hi guys ! Sorry I haven 't posted in a while . With back to school going on , I don 't expect to be able to post as often . Nevertheless , I am posting today ! So Samantha has been having a little bit of a prankster side about her recently . On Sunday morning , I woke up to wet sheets , and my hand in a bowl of warm water . I won 't call this an accident , because it was done on purpose . . . by her . I 'll be sure to get her back later . Hopefully this won 't turn into one of those famous prank wars . My story today will be about Lisa , when we were both 10 . At lunch , I had a sandwich , and she had a bunch of fruit . Near the end of our last class , she told me her stomach hurt . I told her " Anything I can do to help ? " She said " No , but I could try letting off some gas . " With that , I heard , very faintly , a soft PFFFFT . I could see the relief on her face , and I could soon smell a very strong stink . I asked her " Aren 't you worried about the smell ? " Just as I said that , the girl behind Lisa , who I didn 't really like , yelled to the whole class " Phew ! What stinks in here ? " Lisa 's face turned red , but I had her back , and shot back " She who smelt it , dealt it ! " She shut up after that . Just before the end of class , Lisa tensed up , and let out a short , but very wet - sounding fart . The girl behind her was about to pipe up , but the bell rang and she very quickly left the classroom . I couldn 't blame her , that fart smelled worse than the last one . " I have to go 1 and 2 . Now ! " Lisa said quickly as she rushed out of the classroom and dashed toward the girls ' room . I guess her bowels were pressing on her bladder . But as it always is , the line to the girls ' room was long enough to go out the door . I was heading to the boys ' room myself , which had no line , when Lisa stepped out of the line and ran up to me , letting out wet farts with every step . She told me " I can 't hold it any longer ! What 'll I do now ? " She was bent over , holding her stomach with one hand and her butt with the other . I told her " Quick , you can go in the boys ' room , and I 'll stand guard . " She started " But I 've never been in a boys ' room before ! I don 't want any other boys to hear . . " Another wet fart , a much longer one , interuppted her and obviously changed her mind . " . . Uh oh . . . Forget anyone hearing me ! Hurry ! " And I led her into the boys ' room . Thankfully , no one was looking , but I think Lisa was beyond caring . As she was running , meanwhile already pulling down her pants , I heard several squelching sounds . When her pants were past her anus , mushy poop was pouring onto the floor , and small pee stream was starting into her panties . She jumped onto the toilet and had a very powerful bout of diarrhea , complete with tons of farts and plops . I couldn 't hear a stream . But guessed she was peeing . " Can I check the damage ? " All she could do was moan in pain , but she managed to nod yes . I pulled her pants off and right there almost got knocked out by the smell . A second try , and I could see a sizable log and a small amount of mushy poop in her panties , as well as a large wet spot on the front . I said " Hopefully you don 't like this pair , they can 't be saved . " And threw them out . Her pants were mostly safe , except for a wet spot on the crotch . " Well , at least you don 't have to walk home bottomless . " I told her . She was still having diarrhea , and by now was finished peeing as well . She did say " Good . Let 's hope it stays that way . " I closed and locked the stall to give her privacy , and I tossed her pants under the partition . I leaned outside the bathroom to see if any other boys were coming . One boy was coming , and I told her . She said " Well he can 't know I 'm in here , and I can 't stop ! " Thinking quickly , I went into the stall next to her , so that he would think I was the one having diarrhea . Before he came in , I told her " Raise your feet against the door so he can 't see your shoes ! " ( They were pink . A dead giveaway . ) The boy came in and walked to one of the urinals . I remembered that I had to go as well , so I sat down and peed . I straigned to push out a few farts and managed to push out some poop to make it more convincing . Sure enough , the boy asked " Are you alright in there ? " I recongnized his voice . He was my good friend , Mike . I said back , in a fake pained voice " I think so . . . " He must have recognized my voice . " Bill ? Is that you ? " " Yeah , I don 't think my lunch agreed with me . " Washing his hands , he said " Don 't overflow the toilet ! " I laughed at that , and he left . His remark made me wonder how full Lisa 's toilet was . I stepped out of the stall to check on Lisa . She unlocked the door , and I told her " You 're not overflowing the toilet , are you ? " " Not yet . " She opened her legs , and the toilet was full of brown water , much fuller than normal . With three back to back farts , her diarrhea stopped . I asked her " Are you done ? " " Wait . . . " She said , and let out a very loud fart that I 'm convinced could be heard in the girls ' line . Then I heard a splash and a pee stream and she said she was done . I closed the door to let her change . I asked her " Will it flush ? " And I heard a flush . " Yep ! " She came out , leaving behind a flushed , but brown - painted toilet . Making sure the coast was clear , I noticed the girls ' line was gone , and Lisa was on the toilet for about six minutes in all . We walked back to the treehouse , where she told me a few of her previous accidents , which I 'll tell in my next post . There could be pee incidents . . . . but how ' bout urges to poop while marching ! Maybe some kid hadn 't pooped for a few days . . . . and the exercise of walking along gives him an urge ! Maybe a really strong " oooooh I 'm gonna poop my pants " kind of urge . If there 's video of the march you should look it over . . . . checking for weird facial expressions and body language . I 'm sure I wasn 't the only kid who had this problem when they were young . I would sometimes go five or six days without taking a big one . I came later to realize it was anal retention . The summer I was sixour family took a vacation to Tennessee . We left on Wednesday and didn 't get back until the next Monday . The whole time we were gone Ididn 't poop . I didn 't have to . My folks knew eventually I would have to . ( My Dad kept joking that I was probably going to do one a yard long whenever I did go . Well , as soon as we arrived home that Monday afternoon , you guessed it . I ran straight to the bathroom . I not only did one " whopper " I did about two or three . I called my Dad intocome look at what I had done and he had a good laugh . He had wiped by butt plenty of times when I was little so I wasn 't embarrassed to show him what I had done . No kid should have to go " sit " for a while to see if he has to go . Your bowels will move when they are ready and you feel the urge coming . Guy from Sacramento Wow , I did not expect so many helpful responses . This site is very helpful . I didn & # 8217 ; t realize that there would be such a delay in posts appearing , so the short - term issue I spoke of has been solved , but the long - term constipation issue ( since it does seem to happen to him at least once a month ) hasn & # 8217 ; t . Some of you suggested glycerin suppository and that is what I eventually decided on . It did work and he ended up passing a very large amount of stool . I do have another question : Tony does get constipated sometimes , but when he is not constipated , his stool tends to be pretty large anyway . I myself would know since it sometimes clogs the toilet and I have to deal with it ( I & # 8217 ; ve seen his normal - sized turds before ; they are often pretty big , but they aren & # 8217 ; t usually hard and he can go regularly ) . But my question is : is this bad ? Is it bad to have large stool even if he & # 8217 ; s not constipated ? He says there & # 8217 ; s no pain , but it just seems . . . too big to me . I & # 8217 ; m not sure . You are completely right about that . The last time he went before this period of not being to go at all , it was just a small hard amount . This was definitely a build - up from longer . I don & # 8217 ; t know long , but probably close to a week . I like your advice about & # 8220 ; sit times & # 8221 ; ; I think he could benefit from that . Sometimes I feel like he may ignore urges . His usual non - constipated pattern is to go once a day ( sometimes every other day ) , usually in the evening . He was finally able to pass this , but it wasn & # 8217 ; t easy . He was getting urges , strong ones , but it was too big to pass . He usually passes a large amount of stool each time even when there is no constipation , but this time was problematic . I will ask him if he wants to post here . He has been more open with me than I thought he would and so it wouldn & # 8217 ; t surprise me if he was willing to post here . I did tell him that I asked an online forum for help , so he knows I posted about him here . Thank you for your suggestion . Stool softeners sound interesting ; I was just concerned about him becoming dependent on something like that . He himself expressed concern about that as well . About all of these remedies , really . Thanks for your suggestion . The glycerine suppository is what we eventually decided on . He tried to go one more time when he got a strong urge but there was really no movement and I was worried he was going to do some damage , so I decided we had to try something more drastic . The glycerine suppository worked , but I hope that a dietary change will prevent this from happening in the future . Your answer is very thorough and helpful . Fiber has definitely been an issue . And exercise - - he is relatively fit , but has been spending a lot of time in the computer chair lately . Normally ( I don 't pay super close attention , but I think I am right on this one ) , Tony usually poops in the evening around 6 - 7 . And that 's another thing - - he usually doesn 't eat much for breakfast . I 'll suggest him sitting for a time if he 's not getting his usual urge - - someone else suggested that as well . He says that sometimes when he feels an urge , he has to sit for a little while before anything can come out . And he actually has had an anal tear before ; it was small and it went away quickly , but I sure hope that doesn 't happen again . Dominic - He gets constipated probably at least once a month , from what he 's told me . It usually doesn 't last as long as it did this time and he 's able to get it out on his own . He usually tells me when he gets constipated ( and I can tell , if he 's been in the bathroom for a long time ) . This is the first time that he had a suppository . In the past , he 's used fiber supplements to help him go . I know that he hasn 't been eating much fiber and probably too much meat . At least that could explain why he has been getting constipated . & # 8232 ; Anatomy student - Yeah , Tony seems to be more open about this than I thought he & # 8217 ; d be . We & # 8217 ; re pretty close in general , but it surprised me that he allowed me to give him a suppository . He didn & # 8217 ; t seem to mind that I did it - - it just seemed easier that way . It was eventually what worked . Again , thank you all . This site is very interesting the way you all talk about it so candidly . That is what I was looking for . I will ask my son if he wants to post here , but he may not . Either way , you & # 8217 ; ve been a big help . Hello all , my name is Robert ( as it says above ) and I 'm a 20 something year old radio professional . My girlfriend , Michelle , and I recently moved in together and in light of our cohabitation I 've decided there is a direct correlation between your brain and your bowels . I 'm sure most of us have something like this in our lives whether it 's not having the urge to go until we 're at a certain place or alone or whatever . I 've just noticed that in a month of living together I can count the times we 've pooped around each other on one hand . Prior to her moving in I would go nearly every morning when I woke up or in the afternoon when I got home from work . Now , as if by some mental magic , I don 't have a need until I get to work in the mornings and seldom have to go on the weekends . She 's at home a lot without me so I know that 's why I 'm rarely around when she goes but still it seems like when living with someone your habits would cross more often . She knows I 'm interested in toilet habits so she does indulge me from time to time but now that we live together it 's not really happening . Maybe we 're both just a little more shy than we thought . I would like to encourage an open bathroom door policy though , any suggestions ? Also I 'm going to try to become a regular poster so I hope to see an uptick in posts around here : ) Happy Pooping ! The turd dropped in the bowl , making two plops , and I stood to admire my work . But my stomach hurted and I knew that there was more to come out . So I changed my position on the seat and i spread the cheeks of my butt . Then another turd ( a little one ) emerged and dropped in yhe water ( plop ! ) . I had a cramp and a third turd went out : one minute , one cramp and then one turd . And I remained on the seat twenty minutes ! ! ! I was afraid by the lot of turds I pooped at that time . I think it would not finish , but at the 21st minute , I was done and I wipe . Because my anus hurted , I did not remain in my bathroom to admire my work one more time and I let , and I go in my bedroom to put some coldcream on my painful anus . I feel better now . I hope to come again with new stories . Bye ! Hello everyone , I 'm back with another post to share . Hope everyone had a nice Labor Day Weekend and some stories to tell especially beach stories or going to the beach , better yet road trips . I normally don 't take a dump after 11 in the morning . I usually get my bowel movement done by that time and usually pee the rest of the day . Today was the exception so here goes . I was home today washing clothes and about 2PM I felt the urge to go take a dump but I put it off . Again at about 3PM the same urge came about and I decided to hold off until I fished folding and putting my clothes away . About 4PM I decided to give into the urge and made my way to the bathroom . I got in the bathroom undid my belt , jeans , undies and plopped on the bowl . I gave a bit of push and some airy farts came out , nothing yet , gave another push this time a nice hot turd started making it into the toilet . This turd was a nice coil about 4 feet filling the toilet water which was quite a bit at that time of the day . I must of been backed up for weeks after my trip to PA to visit my folks there . It felt so good pushing out that stinky coil of turd , so good that I got turned on a bit ( I 'll let you use your imagination on that ) . Then I peed a bit into the toilet which wasn 't much either , none the less I felt better and felt like I took a good crap ( shit ) . I wiped but I noticed the poop was dry and stinky on the toilet paper . I put back my undies , jeans and buckled my belt on and flushed my nice 4PM creation . It took me all together 15 minutes to take that dump ! None the less I felt great ! Peace everyone and happy peeing and pooping to all . I went to see a film yesterday with a friend and before we went we got a meal . After the main course I needed the toilet , so I excused myself . My friend had already been when we arrived for a wee . As I walked to the toilets I passed a family who had finished eating . The mother asked the kids if they needed the toilet , and I heard the young daughter say , ' I need a poo poo and a weewee ! ' I thought that was rather cute , albeit said embarrassingly loud ! I needed a poo poo and a wee wee as well , so I went in and sat down . The girl and her mother came in and took the cubicle at the other end . I weed and I heard the mother say she would go first . She just had to wee and then she started helping her daughter on to the toilet . I pushed out a turd with a plop . The girl asked , ' is that other lady doing a poo poo too ? ' I smiled as the mother said , ' yes , I think so . ' The girl said , ' I need a poo poo too ! ' Her mother replied , ' ok , you have a poo and remember you need to wipe your bum after ! ' The girl weed and did a few pieces of poo . I did a few more pieces and then I was done . I wiped , flushed and washed my hands , then headed back to our table . What you have sounds like " shy bowel " to me . And while I don 't want to be discouraging yours sounds like a BAD case . FIRST , don 't let it be belittled , by yourself or anyone else , IT IS very REAL . My advise would be to deal with it now , gradually , rather than later when you may have to go " cold turkey " . I have an issue with my pooping also , I grunt . . . a LOT . I have a partially paralyzed glottis so when I " push " a lot of the air goes out my windpipe and I GRUNT . College was the worst ! It was MOST embarrassing when I 'd have to stop , " mid - struggle " to explain myself . Last night I was at this park at night with my gf of 2 years . We are both 18 now . While hanging out , she had a stomach cramp and she suddenly had to poop very badly . I suggested her to go here because no one else was around t he time . She hastily agreed and slid her panties off and sat on the swings while sliding her butt back enough so her butt is aiming the ground . Soon after , a wave of diarrhea shot out of her . One after another and she looked like she 's enjoying it . Afterwards she felt . Lot better but was embarrassed because of what happened . As soon as she wiped , we left and . Couple days after , we came back and noticed that it was gone . Guess someone cleaned it up or something lol Steven A So , I play in the marching band at my high school . Some of our football games are far away and we take like an hour or more to get to our games and then the same amount of time to get back to the school ( depending on traffic ) . Our first game of the season was just like that . But anyway , on the way back , I didn 't here anyone complain about having to go to the bathroom during the way back to the school . ( Luckily , I didn 't have to go that bad ) . When we got back to the school , I put my stuff away and then I went to the bathroom . There were a couple band members waiting to use the bathroom . Then , after I gone to the bathroom , I went home and got to bed . Our school locks certain parts of the hallways by using gates , and the only bathrooms open to us were 2 bathrooms , one for girls and one for boys . I will have another story in a couple of weeks because we only have one more game that 's further away than where our first game was . I hope you enjoy my stories about Marching Band ! Okay well I 've been lurking and reading for a while now . Been kinda building up the guts to post on here . ( still don 't have it ) But well I guess I can ease in to it right ? Okay my name is Shayla and well I have kind of a thing about using the toidy . I don 't know if it 's a kink or what but it stems back to my childhood and I 'm still doing it now . ( I 'm 18 FYI ) See . . . I like to poo in the dark . Just me , sitting there , bare bottomed on the toidy , lights out , pitch black so NO ONE . . . not even me could ever see , doing my business with all the Ooooo 's and Aaaaa 's that come with it . I sit there straining , making it come , groaning knowing it 's happening in total pitch . I 've tried doing it with the lights on . . can 't . I can 't even do it anywhere but home . Once in the dark . . . it happens and it feels GREAT ! Even after it 's all said and done I like sitting there in the dark relaxed and enjoying what I just did and all the feelings that come with it . I know one day it 's gonna have to come to an end . I mean one day , I 'm gonna move in with my boyfriend , we 'll have to share a bathroom and . . . I shiver to think about it . I 'll share some stories next time . Right now I got some questions for one of you . Kinda feel funny calling you that , but that 's how I know you so here goes . Nice to know I 'm not the only " pear " shaped gal here on the site that tends to have EPIC toidy sessions . You story sent shivers up my spine . I mean maybe it 's from having a curvy pompie but it seems that you and that poor throne are in for one heck of a ride when you take a seat . Must have been hard to have your boy see you like that , desperate and in much need . Yous aid you let him see you go the 2nd time when you got home ? Did you really ? Was it embarrassing at all ? What if you made it home and had that major number 2 at the house ? Would you have let him watch too ? I love my Steven to death , but I don 't know if I could let him even HEAR . I don 't know . Sorry to pick on you like this , but it seems you 'd be the best person to help me get over my problem . Hope to hear more from you . Anyway folks , I 'm needed to go . ( no not THAT kind of go ) So I 'll share a story next time . Take care all and thanks for listening . Abbie : I liked your story about you and Katie pooing . Sounds like a few seconds later and Katie would have done it in her pants . Sorry to hear you 're still sort of constipated though . As for your question about Brooke , I don 't think she 's usually constipated , though she has times when it gets really bad . It 's not something we talk about a lot , so I really don 't know . With school starting up again on Tuesday , I 'm hoping to train my body . I 'm waking up early and going to sit on the loo for ten or so minutes , even if I don 't have to poo . I want to avoid having incidents like in years past , where I end up holding my poo most of the day and being super desperate ( or even having accidents , on occasion ) . It 's working fairly well right now . When school actually starts and I get more stressed , we 'll see . I sat this morning and was able to do a small poo . I did a couple of pieces , but I was still feeling like I needed to do more . After pushing for a while , I knew nothing more would come , so I just wiped and flushed . I figured I 'd poo again later in the day , and I was right . I was out at the shops with my mum buying the last of my school supplies . When I started to feel the urge , I told my mum and headed off to the toilets . There were three cubicles , but they were all available . I took the one furthest from the door . Upon sitting , I weed a little and then started concentrating on my poo . The first log was kind of fat and difficult to get out , but once it the first part was out , it kept coming easy . After that , there were two more that I passed much easier . Whilst I was wiping , I head the door to the toilets open and someone rushed into the cubicle next to mine . She yanked down her clothes in a hurry and started having what sounded like bad diarrhoea . It started stinking in a hurry too . I felt bad for her , but at the same time I was glad I didn 't have to spend too much time in the stench . I quickly washed my hands and rejoined my mum and we finished our shopping and headed home . What can he do ? Well . . . . at this advanced stage . . . . what I would do if I were him . . . . . would be to poke my finger up in there and dig out whatever I could . . . . and keep doing that until I couldn 't reach any more . Then I 'd wait until the urge returned . . . . and do it again . it was Thursday evening and just home from work and the stomach bug hit me like a ton of bricks it was coming out of both at the same time I was sitting on the crapper and I had my head in the puke buck a puking I was one sick puppy it lasted for 2 days I couldn 't eat nothing except a sprite or toast but after it was over I felt better Next page : Old Posts page 2314 >< Previous page : 2316 Back to the Toilet ToiletStool . com , " Boldly bringing . com to your bodily functions . 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This isn 't a comprehensive list , although I 've tried to be pretty inclusive . Another day I 'll post a list of places you might not be able to take your service dog . Posted by Merry Christmas Isaac is enjoying the new Nylabone toy I got him . I also got him a big rawhide chew but he 's not getting both at once . He 's been occupied with this toy for a good 25 minutes so far , though . I don 't get many gifts . That is OK with me . I don 't give a lot of holiday gifts , either . Those I do give are things I think a lot about , often handmade or homemade , something meant to be really special for the recipient and something I really want to give them . One friend - and acquaintance , really , not someone I know real well or would have expected to get me anything - sent me a calculator . I joked that he 'd gotten tired of me posting complaints on Facebook about having to do math homework for this kid I have been tutoring , and that probably is why he decided to send me a calculator . But it was really thoughtful , and quite a surprise , and it did make me laugh . The mom of this kid I am tutoring made me a beautiful , beautiful scarf . She is undergoing serious medical treatments at a nearby university hospital ( nearby meaning about an hour away , there is no university hospital in the little town where I live ) and she 's been making scarves . She 's probably made at least two dozen so far . She sits at the library for three hours a day , three days a week , while I tutor her son and makes scarves . So it was really thoughtful for her to give me something she made herself , but even more thoughtful was the colors she used in the scarf . I have two sweaters I like a lot and have worn often to tutor . One is tan and one is rust - colored . The scarf she made me is mostly brown with some tan , some cream and some rust in it . It matches both those sweaters , as well as my winter coat . I was so touched that she 'd clearly put so much thought into what colors to use for my scarf . One friend got me a Nook eReader . But here 's the best part . He got it on some online auction ( not Ebay , something else but I forget what ) for a quarter ! I love that , and I love that he told me that , because otherwise I would have felt pretty uncomfortable about how much I would have thought he spent on it . I know it might sound tacky to tell someone you only spent 25 cents on their gift , but in this instance , it was definitely the right thing to do . One of my neighbors drew a picture for me . I didn 't know he could draw . It 's a black and white drawing of a flower and it 's pretty good . I can tell he spent a lot of time on it . I don 't even care that I 'm not particularly into flowers and a black and white drawing of a flower doesn 't really match my decor . I really am just touched that he spent that much time on something for me . I don 't think I 've ever had the feeling so strongly before that it 's the thought that counts . Maybe I am better at gratitude than I used to be . I have tried to cultivate an attitude of gratitude , of abundance , of being blessed . Or maybe I have felt in the past that it was the thought that counts but the thought has sometimes been pretty crappy . I recall once Christmas , and I am not going to say who did this , but someone bought me a box of tea . Like a box of Celestial Seasonings that you can get at Kroger for $ 2 . 79 or something . And not a flavor that I really loved or anything like that . And it wasn 't a matter of this person not being able to spend more money on a gift , and it wasn 't a situation where that tea was really meaningful for some reason and so it was a good gift even though it was a $ 2 . 79 box or tea , or anything like that . The thought behind that gift was " I feel like I have to get something but I am going to spend as little money and thought and effort on it as possible . " He also got Isaac this kibble dispensing toy . Isaac loves it . I think I am more touched that he got Isaac a gift than I am by the gift he got me . I will post a video later of Isaac eating his dinner from his new toy . It 's adorable . I was interested in going to Midnight Mass . But I will not be going . I have called six Catholic churches . I live in a small town in the middle of nowhere . There is only one Catholic church in my county . But I called six churches within an hour 's drive . At four of them , no one was in the office to ask if I could bring my service dog . At two of them , the person in the office didn 't know if I could bring him or not and the person that might know was not available to speak to . I am not willing to drive more than an hour to go to mass and I am not willing to drive 45 minutes to an hour without knowing whether or not I 'll be turned away when I get there . And with the person answering the phone at two churches not know if I could be allowed in or not , I don 't feel confident that I would . It 's quite possible I would , but I don 't feel confident about it . I guess I should have planned ahead more . If I would have called last week to ask , I could have probably gotten an answer . And I bet at least one of the six churches would have been happy to have me . But I don 't feel like guessing which one or ones that would be . Posted by I tried to call both of the ones holding midnight mass this afternoon to find out if I can bring my service dog , but no one was in the office at either church . I can try again tomorrow but if I can 't reach anyone , then I just won 't go . I really wish churches were required to comply with the ADA , but since they aren 't , it would come in If you go to church ( or synagogue or mosque or whatever ) , do you know if your place of worship would welcome someone with a service dog ? If you don 't know , how about finding out and letting me know ? Posted by Well , tonight I went to Pizza Hut for dinner with a friend and Isaac was really restless . Then he started barking in the restaurant . He has not done that in forever . I had to take him outside , run him through a little obedience drill ( just telling him to sit , lie down , sit , give me his paw , sit , etc ) , then take him back inside and try again . He managed to get through the rest of the meal but I had to tell him several times to put his head down . Then after we got home , I was playing with him and we both went to grab a toy at the same time and his tooth hit that really tender skin between my thumb and forefinger . It wasn 't a bite , didn 't break the skin or leave a tooth mark or anything , and he didn 't mean to hurt me . But it hurt . I put ice on it immediately but it is still bruised and swollen and really sore . And Isaac is supposed to make sure his teeth do not touch skin . And he knows that . The game ended immediately , which is is what happens when he makes a mistake like that . He knew I was upset with him . This has happened a few times before but not this badly . I mean , it didn 't hurt this badly . And I normally don 't get that upset , because it doesn 't hurt that much , I just end the play immediately because that 's what happens when he 's not careful with his teeth . We have since made up and Isaac has been forgiven . He 's not really a bad dog , not at all . But it was a really bad night . I am in the process of doing laundry right now . I went downstairs with Isaac to switch the first load from washer to dryer and put the second load in the wash . I discovered the washing machine is leaking and the floor in front of the washer and dryer are now all wet . The floor isn 't very clean , either , because apparently some of my neighbors are slobs . See , when Isaac pulls laundry from the dryer , items sometimes fall to the floor . I don 't know any way to prevent it . He pulls out a shirt and a sock or two come out with it and land on the floor . But I don 't want my clean laundry falling in a puddle of dirty water . But the only way to prevent that will be to get the laundry out myself , very carefully . I am annoyed . It shouldn 't be such a big deal , the floor being wet and dirty . But what it means is that my back is going to hurt . I have to choose between having some of my clean laundry fall in dirty water , and therefor not being clean anymore , or hurting my back . And I 'm pissed that I have to make that choice . Do you understand that this would be like blindfolding a sighted child for punishment ? And then sending home that child still blindfolded , with a blindfold that could not be removed until he returned to school the next day . Unless the child had an extra cane at home , which is possible . The article didn 't say . But still . How would you feel if your kid came home from school wearing a blindfold ? Look , I made applesauce bread . From scratch . With homemade applesauce I canned a few months ago , made from organic local apples . How awesome is that ? I put walnuts and raisins in it . Next year I plan to gather and cure black walnuts , which grow all over the place around here . Then I can put local organic walnuts in my applesauce bread . How awesome will that be ? Isaac did pretty well at the party . It was hard for him . He loves many of our neighbors and is used to being allowed to socialize with them . It was hard for him to be in work mode around them . They were all really good about not engaging him while he was working , though . Under the Americans with Disabilities Act , businesses are not permitted to ask to see , much less require people to show , any type of " papers " for service dogs . And what type of papers would you show , anyway ? There are no " papers " for service dogs . The person that told me about this sign said she 'd spoken to an employee of the store , who just said , " We were told to put the sign up . " I don 't know who told them to put it up . I emailed the corporate office , explaining the problem with the sign . I received a response in less than one hour , assuring me the sign would be removed and that employees would be informed of the law . And the sign was indeed removed , less than one week later . Someone tried to say that health regulations forbid taking a service dog up to the buffet because hair , saliva and / or fecal matter might get in the food . This person was concerned that a service dog might fart while at the buffet , sending fecal matter into the air where it could get into the food . Yes , seriously . Service dogs should not be near a buffet because they might fart . This person tried to say there was a lawsuit initiated by a woman who was not allowed to take her service dog up to the buffet because she was not blind and did not use a wheelchair , and that the judge ruled that she did not need her service dog at the buffet and should have left the dog at the table and / or had someone else hold the dog 's leash while she got her food . According to this person , the law says that if you are blind or use a wheelchair , then it is OK to take your service dog up to the buffet . Apparently service dogs for the blind and for wheelchair users do not fart , so they won 't get fecal matter in the food . I am not sure how that works . I 'd like a dog that never farts . I was about 99 . 9 % certain this person was wrong , that any one with a service dog is allowed to take their dog up to a buffet . Anyway , restaurant employees are not allowed to ask what your disability is , so how could they really know if you are blind ? And if you leave your dog unattended at your table while you go to the buffet , then you are violating local leash laws and doing something potentially unsafe . And just who is supposed to hold the dog 's leash for you ? The ADA specifically says employees of a business are not required to do that . And I am . The ADA specialist to whom I spoke said you can take your service dog up to the buffet , even if you are not blind and do not use a wheelchair . She said you should not leave your dog unattended at your table . Monday night I went to a concert with a friend . I did not take Isaac because I thought it might be too loud for him and I wasn 't sure how he 'd do in that type of environment . I don 't take Isaac somewhere new and different unless I am prepared to focus on him and to leave if he isn 't handling it well for some reason . We haven 't had a situation like that in a long time ; he 's been with me for more than two years now and he 's gone to all the places I typically go and I seldom go anywhere that is significantly different . I mean , eating in a restaurant is pretty similar regardless of the restaurant . No , Isaac and I have never gone to a Cajun restaurant or a Thai restaurant or a French restaurant , but he can handle any type of restaurant . And since he 's accustomed to lying under a table in a restaurant , he would do fine in any other setting that involved lying under a table . Several months ago I took him to a support group meeting , where everyone sat around a table and talked . He did fine . I imagine lying under a table where people are just talking is probably easier for him than lying under a table with yummy - smelling food on it , but lying under a table is pretty similar no matter where that table is and no matter what the people are doing at the table . But a concert is very different than anything we 've ever done together before . And I was worried it would be really loud and bother his sensitive ears . They actually make ear protection for dogs , which some service dog handlers use when taking their dogs to things like concerts , but I wasn 't sure Isaac would like wearing ear plugs and didn 't really want to spend money on doggie ear plugs when I certainly don 't plan on going to loud events like concerts often . So I didn 't take Isaac . My friend promised he 'd help me if I needed anything and basically take Isaac 's place . I assured him I 'd be fine without Isaac for the evening . And as it turned out , I was glad I hadn 't brought him because it was super loud . Also , it was in this weird auditorium . I hadn 't realized the setting would be like this , because I 've never been to any type of music show like this before . But there was almost no seating . There was some box seats , but we did not have tickets for those . So it was all just standing , no seats . Which I think is weird and not very enjoyable . Who wants to stand through a whole concert ? The show was supposed to start at 6 : 30 and we got there almost an hour early and it turned out they didn 't even open the doors until 6 : 30 , so we spent almost an hour standing in line outside . Then we got in and the show didn 't actually start for a really long time . I think it was about 7 : 30 when it finally started . So by then we 'd been standing for almost two hours already . And it was very crowded . And when the lights went down and the show finally started , it occurred to me that people would not have been able to see Isaac because it was dark , but people were moving around some and they would have stepped on or tripped over him . There really wasn 't any out - of - the - way place to put him , like there would have been in a normal concert hall with seats . And the floor was concrete and very hard . My legs and feet hurt after standing on it for over an hour . Isaac would have wanted to lie down but would not have liked lying on that floor . There is a Chipotle restaurant we eat at sometimes with a very hard concrete floor that he doesn 't like and I know he doesn 't like it , so I take a towel for him to lie on . But even if it had occurred to me to take a towel to the concert , there wasn 't a good place to put it . At Chipotle , I put the towel under the table , which is where Isaac goes . But there was no good , out - of - the - way place at the concert that would have been good for him . It was hard being without him , though . It felt really weird . I almost never go anywhere without him these days and I kept feeling like I 'd forgotten something , thinking , " Where is my dog ? " And I had a really hard time at the concert . It was so loud , and so crowded , neither of which are good things for me . And after standing on such a hard floor for so long , my legs and back and everything ached . I ended up having to leave early , because my anxiety was just going through the roof . I started doing it one day when I had to go to the dentist before going to tutor . I really wanted to have Isaac with me at the dentist , plus I just didn 't want to leave him home alone for that long . But there wasn 't going to be time to take him back home before I went to tutor and I didn 't want to take him with me to tutoring . I am tutoring a child at a library right by a doggie daycare , and I actually took Isaac to this daycare once several months ago when I had something I had to do all day and couldn 't take Isaac with me , and it seemed like a good place and he seemed to have fun . So I decided to drop him off there for the afternoon . He did indeed have a good time . When I arrived to pick him up , he was in a playgroup with other big dogs . They brought him out to me and he was out of breath , looking like he 'd been running and playing . They told me he 'd been playing chase with a dog named Ripley . He looked like he 'd been having a blast . So I started taking him two or three times a week , when I am tutoring for three hours . He is there for about four hours altogether , and that included an hour - long playtime with other big dogs ( they have separate playgroups for little dogs , medium dogs and big dogs ) . He also gets a walk outside to go potty . I love the daycare facility . They have kennels for the dogs situation around the perimeter of the room and the dogs can see what 's going on , can see other dogs , can see people walking by , can watch other dogs having playtime in the indoor play area in the center of the room . The individual kennels are not huge but they aren 't tiny , either , and each dog has a toddler bed to lie on and a television tuned to Animal Planet . I usually take one of Isaac 's blankies for him , too . The vet I used to take Cayenne to had doggie daycare and every time I went into the office , I could hear all these dogs barking . It didn 't sound like a pleasant place . At this doggie daycare , well , I hear barking sometimes but not like at that vet 's place . Isaac loves it . After going there just twice , he recognized the street when we turned onto it . Isaac recognizes lots of places . I can tell by the way he perks up and sometimes he seems to be getting excited . He has a few favorite places and when we get close to those places , he starts to whine , whimper and / or pace in the backseat of the car . That 's just for his favorite places , though . He does the whine / whimper / pace when we go to the doggie beach or to Lake Erie . He doesn 't do it at the park close to our house or the nature center , though , even though he recognizes them and likes them . But he does it when we get close to the doggie daycare . I love that it is one of his favorite places . He cannot get out of the car and into the daycare fast enough . The medical assistant from my doctor 's office called me yesterday . Told me the x - ray I had a few days ago was all normal except that it showed " a very large amount of stool in my colon . " Told me that constipation is the cause of all my gastrointestinal symptoms . Now , I would have thought that the fact that I poop on a regular basis , pretty much every day , would indicate that I am not constipated . But apparently I would have been mistaken . Apparently I am not pooping enough . The MA told me to go buy some over - the - counter Miralax and take it once a day . I told her the doctor she works for prescribes Miralax for me and I already take it once a day , have been doing so for a couple of years now . I really hate it when medical folks don 't even bother to look at your chart before telling you stuff . So she told me to take it twice a day for " a little while . " I asked her how long a little while was . She didn 't know , put me on hold to go ask . Came back and said for two weeks . I had to go to the local hospital today for some blood work and x - rays . Isaac was really good . He 's been there with me before for lab work and he thinks it 's pretty boring . He just lies down on the floor and dozes while the phlebotomist draws my blood . I don 't get x - rays as often as I get blood work , naturally , and this was the first time Isaac has gone to the hospital with me for x - rays . One of the x - ray techs offered to hold his leash right outside the room where they were taking the x - ray for me so he wouldn 't be exposed to the radiation . I realize hospital staff aren 't that he would be very friendly and she might get some kisses . She seemed very happy to hear that and did indeed get some kisses . As we were leaving , the tech said " It 's nice to have a well - behaved dog in here ! " I wonder if that means they see some poorly - behaved " service dogs " often ? So I 've been having some stomach issues for the past month or so . Probably a little longer . Some heartburn , some pain , mostly after I eat , and some nausea . Not all the time , not even every day , but almost every day . And not every time I eat , but maybe half the time . It usually passes in less than an hour but it 's unpleasant and seems to be getting worse , not better . He didn 't seem to think that was it . He ordered some labs , at least most of which I expect to come back normal because I had labs done less than six months ago and they were all fine then . But one of the things he is checking is my liver function and I guess it 's possible that could be off . He also ordered an abdominal x - ray . I think he 's looking for liver problems . I 'm thinking an upper GI x - ray might have been a better thing to do , but I 'm going with what he suggests to start with . Anyway , tomorrow I am planning to go get the labs and x - ray done . I 'm worried that it might be an ulcer due to the turmeric I take to reduce inflammation ( because I can 't take NSAIDS due to my gastric bypass , and I think it 's really helped my back pain and I would hate to have to stop taking it ) and / or the glucosamine I take for my fibro and arthritis . An ulcer would suck for many reasons , including the fact that it would probably mean I 'd have to stop the turmeric and maybe the glucosamine , and to diagnosis it for certain I 'd probably have to have an endoscopy and that 's something I 'd have to get someone to drive me for because they sedate you for it , and even then it might not be possible to diagnose it because I could have an ulcer in my " blind stomach " which is stapled off due to my gastric bypass and you can 't scope that , and . . . Yesterday at the grocery store , I dropped a container of yogurt on the floor . It was one of those square - shaped containers with the foil tops . I asked Isaac to pick it up for me and he did , right away . I thought there was a good chance he 'd puncture the foil top with his teeth , but figured I 'd buy it anyway and just take it home and put it in another container if that happened . But he picked it up very carefully , very gently , and gave it to me without a tooth mark on it . Good job ! That totally doesn 't seem like that much , does it ? But it 's so much more than I usually have on my plate . Add in the fact that I haven 't been sleeping well . I 've had an increase in fibro pain recently , although it 's still not as bad as it was last winter and spring , so I am thankful for that . I 've had a fair number of nightmares lately , too . I actually woke up screaming one night this week , which I haven 't done in quite a while . I was sleeping on the couch and woke myself up screaming and then I heard Isaac , who had been sleeping in my bed , hit the floor . He came out to the living room , came over to the couch to check on me . I asked him to turn on the light , which he did . I petted him for a couple minutes , then told him he could go back to bed , and he did . It was nice that he came out to check on me , though . I 'm not quite sure what 's causing the increase in pain and the trouble sleeping and the nightmares and everything . I think it all feeds into each other . I feel tired from being extra busy , then I have more pain , then it 's harder to sleep , then I get more tired , which causes more pain . Then I am anxious and in pain and have nightmares , which make it even harder to sleep and make me more tired , which causes more anxiety and more pain , and on and on and on . Last night I met a friend at Pizza Hut for dinner . We eat there about twice a month . I got there first so I went on inside , got a table and ordered . When my friend arrived , Isaac came out from under the table to greet him . He said hi to Isaac , then asked me , " Where is Isaac 's vest ? " I looked at Isaac and realized for the first time that I 'd forgotten to put his vest on before we went into the restaurant . I never , ever take him into a business without his vest on . But somehow I just totally forgot . And I didn 't even notice he wasn 't wearing it . No one said anything , maybe because we eat at that Pizza Hut often enough that the employees all know us and recognize Isaac and know he is a service dog . Of course , legally service dogs aren 't required to wear vests but I would expect someone to ask questions about a dog that isn 't wearing one . I think I was just so tired and feeling overwhelmed by all the stuff I had to do that I totally forgot about his vest . Isaac and I have been working on using the laser light to point at things I want him to pick up for me and he is just the smartest dog ever . He learns so quickly . We spent the weekend working on it and then didn 't even practice it at all yesterday , between going to the vet and me tutoring and just being really busy . So I just now asked him to pick up a couple things and used the light to tell him what I wanted him to pick up and he did it right away . I 'm going to get someone to take a video of him doing it . I can 't really take the video myself because I only have two hands and my arms aren 't long enough . But I will post it as soon as I can get someone to do it for me . I took Isaac to the vet today for an ear infection . I was pretty sure he had an infection in his left ear because he kept shaking his head and when I looked in both ears , the right one looked fine and the left one was very gunky . I mean , very very gunky . So the vet says , " You know , an easy way to tell if he has an ear infection is to smell his ears . " And the foolish man sticks his nose into Isaac 's left ear . After which he promptly looked as if he might throw up . So now Isaac must get his ears washed once a day and ointment put into the infected ear twice a day . He doesn 't seem to mind much . He is so agreeable . He was very good at the vet 's today , but then , he always is . However , he did seem eager to leave . When we came out of the exam room and down the hall to the waiting area , I turned left toward the desk to pay our bill and Isaac tried to keep going straight , to the exit door . Apparently he was ready to leave . I 've decided the ick is Isaac 's ear is not mud . I think he has an ear infection . It 's just in one ear , the left one . I keep cleaning it out and cleaning it out and there is just more and more of it . It 's like a brownish , kinda thick discharge and occasionally I get a reddish streak or two , not bright red but more like rust - colored , which I think is blood . I am calling the vet tomorrow . He doesn 't seem to be feeling bad at all , other than shaking his head vigorously at times . But I don 't think it 's likely to clear up on its own . I do not mind taking Isaac to the vet . I want him to be healthy and get the medical care he needs . This is a really busy week for me but I will work it out . Hopefully we can get in tomorrow or the next day . For the last two days , Isaac has been shaking his head a lot . I thought maybe his ears were bothering him . Maybe he had an ear infection or something . The left ear looked kinda dirty . So I got a damp washcloth and started wiping out the ear . I was getting a lot of dirt . Way too much to be just ear wax or something . Clumps of dirt . I think when he was rolling in mud , and probably other stuff , at the park yesterday , he got stuff in his ear . I gave him a bath when we got home . But the outside of his ears didn 't look dirty so it didn 't occur to me that there might be lots and lots of ick inside them . I sniffed the ick I was wiping out of his ears . I wondered if it was just mud or something ickier . But it didn 't smell bad . Didn 't smell like anything . I cleaned his ear as best I could . But I can only get so far into his ear with my finger and a washcloth . And I am not going to try sticking something smaller , like a Q - tip , into his ear . I don 't trust him to hold still for that and I 'm afraid I could accidentally jab it too far into his ear and hurt him . I asked , both on the UPS Facebook page and in an email to help @ ups . com , why , if it is not their policy , so many employees say it is and so many drivers park in those spots on a regular basis . I also asked what UPS is doing to educate employees about their policy and to stop drivers from parking in those spots . I haven 't received a response , though . Well , I kinda did . They had the manager from my local service center call me to answer my questions . Only all he did was tell me it is their policy to park in handicap spots . I have very few people I give holiday gifts to , so I guess I have it easy in that regard . I mostly do handmade gifts , too , so I don 't have a lot of shopping to do , although I do have to shop for some of the supplies I need . I 'm pretty excited about a couple of the gifts I 've decided on giving this year , but I 'm not gonna say what they are here because the recipients of those gifts sometimes read my blog . In the past few years , I 've given things like a handmade weighted blanket , a journal with inspirational quotes on every page , and coupons redeemable for things like pet sitting and mending clothing . I absolutely hate shopping when stores are crowded so I do my best to stay out of stores after Thanksgiving . I mean , I go grocery shopping ( generally on week days when the grocery store is less crowded ) , but I stay out of big box stores and craft stores and places like that . I plan ahead and try to buy anything I 'll need prior to that time period , or I might order stuff online , but I avoid the stores if at all possible . For my readers that are interested in avoiding the crowds and getting good deals , please check out my Etsy store . If you shop on Thanksgiving or Black Friday ( November 27 or 28 of this year ) , use the coupon code BLACKFRIDAY to get 20 % off whatever you order . If you shop on another day , use the coupon code HAPPYHOLIDAYS through the end of this year to get 10 % off whatever you order . I 've been meaning to do a post for a while about how much it irks me when people park illegally in handicap parking spots . And it happens all the time . I 've been watching for it the last month or two , and I see it almost daily . Why do I care ? No , I don 't have a handicap placard , so I do not qualify to park in those spots . I might be able to get a placard , if I wanted one . I think my rheumatologist would sign the form for me to get one . But I don 't want one . I don 't want one for several reasons . First , I don 't want accommodations like that unless I really , really need them . I think they should be reserved for people that really need them and I want to be as independent as I can . I also do not want to deal with intrusive people judging me and making comments about me when they see me park in a handicap spot , since I don 't look disabled . Anyway . It 's not about me personally , but when people break the law in order to make the lives of people with disabilities difficult ( which is what they are doing when they park illegally in those spots ) , I care . I have a disability , but even if I didn 't , I 'd still care about that . When people break the law in order to make life difficult for people for whom life is often already difficult enough , we should all care . Well , at the moment , I am really , really trouble by UPS . Yeah , the package delivery people . Their drivers frequently park in handicap spots . I see them regularly . So recently I 've started calling the company to complain when I see it . So I contacted UPS to complain . Today I spoke to someone at the local customer service center from which this driver was dispatched . She told me it is their company policy that drivers park in handicap spots even though it is illegal since they are there for " less than five minutes . " Yes , you read that right . I had to ask her to repeat it because I was sure I must have heard it wrong . Then I repeated it back to her and she confirmed I 'd heard right . When I objected , she told me to all the 800 customer service number . So I did . The customer service agent that answered the phone confirmed that this was indeed UPS policy . I asked to speak to a supervisor . The supervisor also confirmed that this is UPS policy . Seriously . How F - d up is that ? I 've been busy . I am tutoring two different kids now and the second student has turned out to require more work than I initially thought it would be . I 've also just been really , really tired , maybe from the extra work , maybe due to fibromyalgia , I don 't know . I just know I 'm exhausted . This morning I made it out of bed a little before 9 : 30 and that was early compared to most days lately . I 'll be posting some stuff as soon as I can find the time and the energy , though . The property manager of our building had the maintenance staff install some sort of heavy - duty weather stripping around the neighbor 's door , in order to make it less likely for smoke from inside the apartment to drift out into the hallway when the door is closed . He also purchased an air purifier or air filter , something with a HEPA filter , for the neighbor 's apartment . This is not an appliance typically provided by management , so the neighbor was asked to pay for it . However , he is being permitted to pay it off a little at a time , since he was not able to pay the full cost at once . One of the older ladies that always says that DOES have a helper , a home health aide . Only her helper doesn 't just get the clothes out of the dryer , her helper also puts the clothes in the washer , then transfers them to the dryer , then folds them when they are done . So I don 't know what she 's talking about . I occasionally wish I had a helper like that ! But honestly , most of the time I am perfectly capable of doing my laundry with Isaac 's assistance and I am grateful I am able to do it and I 'd rather be able to do it myself ( which the exception of getting the clothes out of the dryer ) than to be unable to do it and therefore get to have a helper do it for me . Also , I 'd rather wash my own underwear than have a stranger handling my panties . But anyway . I think most people seem to think Isaac just does my laundry for me . Like I point to the full clothes basket and say " Isaac , do the laundry ! " and he puts it in the wash , then in the dryer , then folds it before bringing it back to me . That is so not the way it works . He gets the clothes out of the dryer . Which is helpful since it is so hard for me to bend over repeatedly . But he takes them out one sock at a time . It takes so much longer than it takes other people to just get their own clothes out . I 'd be grateful if I didn 't need a helper to do that for me . There is this particular spot in front of my building where Isaac loves to roll in the grass . I dunno why . Looks the same as the grass everywhere else around my building but this is his preferred spot for a roll . Well , I guess he forgot that the ground is covered with snow , because when I took him out this evening , he immediately plopped down in his spot and started to roll . Then realized he was rolling in snow , not grass . Duh . He looked confused , then annoyed , heaved this big sigh , got up and shook himself off . Silly dog . The last few days it 's been bitterly cold . The high today was supposed to be 33 , although I 'm not sure if it ever got there or not , but it 's been very windy , so with the wind chill I think it was supposed to feel like 7 or something like that . Tomorrow the high is supposed to be 25 but the wind chill is supposed to be all of 1 . Now , I do plan to bundle up in layers and get outside for a hike with Isaac as much as I can , but not when it 's extremely windy and feels like it 's 1 degree outside . So I 've decided Isaac and I would entertain ourselves by doing some training . Keep in mind , Isaac thinks training is fun . We make it like a game , he gets to earn praise and treats , and he gets to do tasks that he enjoys . It 's not work for him . We also do training in short bursts so he doesn 't get bored with it . In fact , he would usually be happy to do more . A couple of the things we 're working on are things he already knows , or has already learned , to do , but that we haven 't practiced much so he needs a refresher course so he gets better at it . One of those things is pushing the button to call the elevator . He pushes it with his nose . Another is raising the lid to the toilet for me ( I know that sounds odd but when my back is really bad , it is really difficult to bend over just the little bit needed to lift that lid ) . He actually lifts both the lid and the seat together with his nose , then I grab the lid and let the seat fall back down . Another thing I want to teach Isaac to do is to provide deep pressure therapy ( sometimes referred to as DPT ) for me . I 'll post more about that later . But we started working on that yesterday . One of my readers recently complained that I complain too much in my blog . And yes , I do see the irony in that . I 'm not sure she does , though . I say " she " because I 'm pretty sure I know who the complainant is , even though she chose to post her complaint anonymously . You see , when someone posts multiple criticisms of my on my blog , only some of them anonymously , I start to recognize the language they use . My first thought was , it 's my blog and I 'll complain if I want to . And I stand by that . Those that don 't enjoy reading what I choose to write are free to stop reading my blog . But also , how much complaining is too much ? How much is just right ? Is there such a thing as not complaining enough ? And who gets to decide how much is too much and how much is just right ? Oh yeah , here on my blog , I do . But you know , a blog is usually not a very balanced view of a person 's life . I try not to complain much in my " real life " because I do worry that sometimes people will tire of it . As much as I value the readers of my blog , I 'd rather them tire of reading than my " real life " friends tire of spending time with me . For instance , I know I wrote several times about the dental work I recently had to have done , but I scarcely discussed it with most of the friends . I saved those complaints , if you want to call them complaints , for my blog . I don 't think my blog is full of complaints , though . I count my blessings and make gratitude lists regularly and I know at least three of those lists are published here on my blog . I recently posted about some adaptive equipment I bought and how helpful it has been . I also posted recently about how well that dental work went . Those posts are , in my opinion , the opposite of complaining . I needed to go out to go to the post office , so I decided we would go to the park and take a walk and Isaac could play in the snow . It didn 't occur to me that the parking area at our favorite local park would not be plowed , but of course it wasn 't . After a few tries , I managed to get up the little hill into the parking lot , though . Isaac loved it . I had trouble getting pics of him because he simply could not be still . He was frolicking . He had so much fun . I had fun watching him have fun , but I have to say , it 's a lot more work walking in a few inches of snow and my snow boots than it is walking when there 's no snow and I 'm wearing sandals or my sneakers . I think we did about a mile and I was dragging myself up the last little hill to the car . Normally we do about three miles and I 'm not this tired . Besides the stuff that would go along with having a pet dog , like having to take your dog out to pee when it 's freezing cold , there are a few things I hate about winter with a service dog . Getting in and out of the car takes me longer with Isaac . What I normally do is put his vest on him while he stands on the backseat , because that way I don 't have to bend over like I would if he was standing on the ground . But I can 't do it from inside the car . I stand outside the car , with the back door open , and reach in and put on the vest . Which means I am standing out in the cold while I do it . And it 's hard to do it with my gloves on , so I usually have to take them off , so my hands are cold . I guess I could put his vest on him at home and have him wear it in the car , but normally I don 't have him wear it in the car because I think he is more comfortable without it . I don 't know if that 's really the case , though . Maybe I should think about that a bit . I do leave the vest on him while running errands if we are only driving a short distance . For instance , if we go to the post office and then to the grocery store , which is maybe a five minute drive if I drive slow , I will leave the vest on in between the two places . But if we are driving a distance of 20 or 30 minutes or more , I usually take the vest off in the car . Then there are the potty breaks when running errands . If we are going a short distance , like to the grocery store five minutes from my house , I will give him a chance to pee before we get in the car at home and not again until we get back home . If we drive a distance , though , like to a doctor 's appointment 40 minutes away , I give him a chance to pee before we get in the car at home and again when we arrive before going into the appointment . That means instead of hurrying from my front door to the car , or from the car to the building , I have to stand out in the cold , waiting for the pokey puppy to pee . A while back , I finally gave in and bought some adaptive equipment to make basic tasks easier for myself . What I bought was simple , and I 'm not sure why it took me so long , or why I think of buying the stuff as " giving in . " All I can say is that I wanted to do things " normally . " Have you watched the show " Switched at Birth ? " If you haven 't , you should . It 's a good show with a couple of main characters that happen to be deaf . In one episode , Daphne , a deaf high school student , takes a cooking class with hearing students , taught by a hearing instructor . She burns her French fries because she doesn 't hear the timer go off . She 's embarrassed and discouraged and her mother says , " They didn 't have a timer with a flashing light , did they ? Well , that 's OK , you 'll take your own next time . " Daphne says , " I can 't just take my own deaf stuff everywhere , " and her mother says , " Of course , you can ! " One thing I bought was this rubber grips for opening jars . They were very cheap and are fantastic . I was finding it extremely difficult to open things like almond butter or peanut butter and now it 's pretty easy . I bought a scrub brush with a long handle so I can clean my bathtub . With it , I can sit on the side of the tub and scrub the tub . I don 't have to be on my hands and knees . I can reach the tile wall behind the tub easier , too . I also bought a bulletin board to put on my front door . Remember me complaining in the past about my landlord wedging bulletins into the door so that when I opened it , they would fall to the floor where I have a very difficult time picking them up ? And about Fed Ex and the U . S . Postal Service leaving packages on the floor outside my door where I couldn 't pick them up ? Well , there is a note posted on my bulletin board asking people not to wedge papers in the door or leave packages on the floor . Papers can be pinned to the bulletin board instead . I arrived at my dentist 's office wet . Yes , wet . I took Isaac for a walk before the appointment , because a dog that has had some exercise is a better behaved dog , generally speaking . After the walk , before going into the office , I offered Isaac some water . Which he did not want . And when I went to pour out the water , somehow I spilled most of it on me . On my jeans and on my shirt . So I was soggy when I got to the appointment . Isaac was good . He sprawled out on the floor beside the dental chair and took a nap . At one point he got up , I don 't know why , and I had to tell him a couple times to lie back down . Otherwise , he was fine . The dental assistant said she wished all dogs were as good as Isaac . She didn 't mean all service dogs , she just meant dogs in general . I hear that kind of thing a lot . Certainly not all dogs would make good service dogs , but probably all dogs could learn to behave well . But it 's not like service dogs are just born that way . Most people don 't want to spend the time and effort to train their dogs really well . Anyway . It wasn 't painful at all . The dentist shot me up with a lot of Novocaine . The tooth that had to be pulled came out really easily . Here 's the weird thing . The dentist was thinking when he pulled that tooth , we 'd figure out what was causing so much trouble with the gum . He thought he 'd find a micro - fracture or maybe a teeny tiny piece of debris in the socket or something . But there was nothing . He said if someone just showed him that tooth , he 'd ask why they pulled it . It looked perfect . He said what it really looked like to him , though he 'd never seen or heard of this before , was like my body had just started rejecting the tooth . He said it looked like the way my body would respond to some sort of foreign object in my mouth . How weird is that ? They made this temporary appliance for me , like a partial denture , to wear until I get a new bridge . Well , actually the dentist said if I preferred the partial , I could just use that and not get a new bridge . The benefit would be that a new bridge would require grinding down a tooth to put a crown on it to anchor the bridge , and sticking with the partial would avoid having to do that to a tooth that is perfectly healthy and good right now . But I hate the partial . I find it very , very uncomfortable . I put it in this morning to go to the post office and the drug store but took it out as soon as I got home . It hurts my mouth and feels really strange and I hate it . Maybe I will get used to it in time and maybe it won 't hurt so much when my mouth heals from having the tooth pulled , but it hurts in other places too , not just where the tooth was pulled . It 's sore today but I 'm not in too much pain . My friend John came over yesterday evening and it helped a lot having someone here . Mostly I think he provided a good distraction from my mouth . We just talked about stuff and then I was tired so we went to sleep for a while . It was nice having someone there with me while I slept . And he took Isaac out to pee so I didn 't have to get up and go out in the cold . Then he had to leave to go to work , but I was OK by myself for the rest of the night . |
Posted on August 29 , 2011 by william Reply She is , I believe , in her nineties . She depends on her cane . The slope up Waterloo from Richmond is difficult . She stops to rest by my stone wall . If I 'm working in my yard , I always go over to speak to her . When I do , I 'm rewarded with a bit of history about the house , the kind of gossip one might more expect about a person . She 's lived on this street , she says , for forty - five years . One day , I complained to her that no matter how I water the gardens are immediately dry . " This property was once a gravel pit , " she said . " The only thing for it is compost . " After she 'd gone , I took a shovel full of soil , put it into a bucket and filled the pail with water . When I poured off the water , the pail was full of sand . I took a handful of soil and squeezed it . It crumbled and fell apart . I grew up in the country but my father was a fisherman and my mother a credit union manager . The little I 'd learned about gardens , I 'd learned from staying with my grandmother . Now , I 've got a double yard with gardens on both side of a curving sidewalk , along the front and west of the house and down the east fence . My mother 's mother was Irish and , if given half a chance , could grow vegetables on a paved road . During the Great Depression times were hard for her and my grandfather . To make their little bit of money go further , she took over an empty lot on Walker Avenue in Winnipeg . She turned it into a garden rampant with vegetables , a jungle of tomatoes and yellow beans , potatoes and carrots . When they moved to a small house on Fleet , their yard was a tiny bit of grass . She turned over the grass with a pitch fork . Underneath was subsoil and clay but she kept a plastic bucket under the kitchen sink . Into it went every peel , every tea bag , anything uncooked that would rot , even shredded newspaper and scraps of cloth . In those days no one had discovered using red earth worms . If they had , she would have had a tray of red wigglers under the counter . Her garden flourished . Not wanting to keep a large plastic pail under the counter , I bought a kit from the lumber yard and built a compost box . I stuck it in a back corner . Into it went grass clippings and leaves and kitchen scraps and bags of manure I bought from the side of road . Even in buying horse manure , I found you have to be careful . Some people use cedar chips in their stalls instead of hay . Fresh cedar chips have a chemical in them that can be used to kill weeds . Put them on a flower garden and the only thing that will grow there is bindweed . Manure with hay is much better but you 've got to be sure you 're not just paying for hay . On the Island life 's still rural enough that stable owners put plastic bags filled with manure on the edge of the road with a sign saying " Seventy five cents a bag . " They leave a coffee can with a slot in the lid beside the bags . It 's up to you to count the bags and drop in the right number of quarters . Life 's changing for the worse though , because lately I 've come across a couple of cans that have been nailed to a pole and their lids soldered . When I first started buying manure , I used to just throw five or six bags into the back of the truck , put my money into the can and drive away . Now that I 'm a manure connoisseur , I open the first bag , fold back the top and check to see what I 'm getting . The box I built has rotted out and has been replaced by a second compost box . This one sits on the edge of the lane and has , in place of a blue tarp , a wooden lid that my son built . The lid folds back in half or swings up full size . He built the top because some of the neighbours were upset with having to look at the compost box from their front door . I was about to be incensed by their urban sensitivity when I remembered my grandmother 's plastic bucket and how embarrassed I was by it . Maybe it has to do with getting older but not much embarrasses me anymore . I 've stopped by the side of the road to collect a pail of manure . I collect buckets of seaweed after a storm . I keep peelings in aHer plants are in my garden now , looking robust , their leaves a strong green . I 've dressed them well with the compost . When they need dividing , I 'll pass on a piece to my daughter . Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a reply Posted on August 25 , 2011 by william Reply When I sold my house last year with its double lot , I was afraid I 'd be bereft of wildlife . didn 't move far but I bought a free - hold strata , a house on a tiny lot and a commonly owned road . Like a lot of property in Victoria , the ground is all up and down with a steep rise that leads to the various dwellings . My bedroom overlooksthe front yard , it 's not really a yard , a patch of ground , then a tumble of rocks until the nexthouse below . At my previous home , I was used to having deer sleep in the yard . One evening , it was threestags , two asleep , one standing on his hind legs sampling the holly tree . I watched him he watched me , then he lay down and joined his companions . In the morning , they were gone and so were one hundredand ninety - eight of the two hundred tulips that lined the sidewalk . I regretted the tulips . My father had spent one spring planting them . I knew that they 'd come back the next year , the tulips that is , and as much as I enjoyed three handsome stags lying in the yard , I vowed to cover the tulips with wire mesh . I 'd leave a few uncovered so the deer could have a treat . In spite of their taste for tulips , I love the Island deer . They 're smaller than Manitoba deer . They 're very handsome . They 're a bit like GreatDanes with antlers . I grieved not having them around anymore . Then one morning , I looked out the bedroom window . There was a young doefast asleep . We had breakfast and lunch and dinner at about the same time . I munched ona sandwich and she munched on some grass and weeds . We looked at each other out the window . I waggled my fingers at her . She waggled her ears at me . She visited for a day , then she disappeared . Two weeks later , she reappeared . She was nibbling on the new leaves of one of my bushes , snacking on some tufts of grass . Then behind her another doe came up the broken slope and , finally , a third . They all looked like they were about two years old . After a time , they drifted across the road to a neighbour 's property . I thought when girls get together , there have got to be boys around and , sure enough , two dayslater , one of the does was nuzzling up to a buck with a handsomeset of antlers . This isn 't in the country . On Salt Spring you take thisdeer cavorting in the yard as normal . I 'm talking about the city . Urban life . Traffic . Buses . People walking . Cars . Yards . Houses . Apartment blocks . And it 's not just the deer . A friend of mine had a raccoon who slept in the tree outsideher apartment window . Another friend has two eagles who alight in a tree at the back of her yard every day just when she 's preparing breakfast . A friend lives in the very heart o fthe city , tourists , buses , hors carriages , lots of traffic and she looked out one day to see an otter waddling across the parking lot . I applaud this , lost tulips or not . I think there is something magical in the fact that when my son and his family go for a walk at their place outside of Bellingham , deer join in and follow behind them . He said it unnerved him at first . I think he 's adjusted . I think we all need to adjust . We 've done tremendous harm to the environment . Deer haven 't , bears haven 't , cougars haven 't , otter haven 't . It 's their environment along with our own that we 've harmed . I think other species have been trying to show us forsome time that it is possible for all of us to live together if we just respect the environment , if we don 't take every last inch for ourselves and don 't destroy what we don 't possess . We often think that the death penalty is appropriate for the loss of some flowers , for a bag of garbage being torn apart , for the noise a flock of crows makes . We take what we need and even what we don 't need . At one time the passenger pigeon filled the skies . Buffaloroamed the prairies . No more . With each loss of a species , we make our world narrower , less interesting , less diverse . There 's a jack rabbit in Gimli , Manitoba , trying to teach people that we can live together , share space . I always look for him . He sprints down the sidewalk on Fifth Avenue . If he or one of his kin nibbles on one of your fruit trees , put burlap and wire around the trunk . When he visits , admirehis grace and beauty for he is a miracle of movement . ( This article first appeared in Logberg - Heimskringla ) Posted on August 19 , 2011 by william Reply I built a woodshed last weekend . It looks like something from the Beverly Hillbillies . My only defense is that there is now has a wood stove and it needs dry wood . Wet wood doesn 't burn well , and the winter rains start soon . There are lots of big trees here . I chose two that are fairly close together , then erected two posts and a 2 × 6 crossbar some distance away . You have no idea how reckless this project is . I 've never built anything in my life . They only gave me a passing grade in shops because I caught my thumb in the lathe and they were afraid they 'd be sued . I 've still got the scar . The shop teacher told the principal that if I failed and took the course a second year , he 'd have a nervous breakdown ] . The boss who oversees all won 't let me use her power tools . There 's a good chop saw on the back porch , but she has visions of my hands flying off . I 'm inclined to drift away and think about other things when I 'm working . A handsaw can 't do much damage . An errant hammer usually just means a smashed thumb . A power saw is not so forgiving . Or a nail gun . Salt Spring ground is uneven . Except for hollows filled with moss and deadfall , large rocks covered in moss are everywhere . When it rains , the hollows fill up with water . Next to where I chose to put the woodshed , a large cedar tree had fallen some years ago . It 's old enough to have mostly crumbled into a heavy , deep red pulp . I had to break it apart in places with an iron bar and rake it so I could get back and forth easily . I wished I had a yard of good Manitoba gravel to level the area . I probably should have called Ganges to see if I could get some crushed rock , but that would take days , maybe weeks , to get delivered , and I was in a hurry . When I began the shed , there were low grey clouds and fog so thick I couldn 't see Galiano Island . There 's no thunder and lightning here , not like on the prairies . Instead , the sky closes down on you , the mist rolls through the trees , rain starts a few drops at a time , then settles in to fall all day , all week , all month . Once , it rained thirty days straight . It wasn 't raining hard on the weekend and there wasn 't any wind but the rain was relentless . I hadn 't expected to build a wood shed and hadn 't brought my Gortex jacket . As a matter of fact , I had no jacket . The weather report had said sun with broken cloud . I put on a sweater , cut a hole in the top of a garbage bag and at the sides . It made a perfectly good rain jacket except for the arms . It was a tight fit because every time I 've picked blackberries , I 've eaten them with ice cream . I spiked two side beams to the trees and nailed them to the cross bar . I didn 't say this would be beautiful , just dry . I nailed some boards across the bottom to tie the frame together , then ransacked the scrap pile . There 's no hurrying . The rocks , moss and water with a tangle of wild rose bushes that never bloom see to that . The wood pile looks like someone has dropped pickup sticks . Boards that may be the right size have to be teased out of the pile . They 're often too long or too short . The too - long ones , I used for the roof . I put them on crosswise . That turned out to be a mistake . The next morning , it was still raining . The pools of water were deeper . I 'd thrown tarps over any wood that could be cut up for the wood stove . I wished I 'd brought rubber boots . I started cutting and nailing boards on the walls vertically . With all the rain it 's better to have the boards up and down , with narrow boards over the cracks . The boss came out to inspect my work and said " That 's called board and batten " . At least , I think that 's what she said . The rain was making my hearing aide buzz . During the night , I 'd wakened up with a realization that I should have put the roof boards running from the peak to the eave on this shanty . If I do that and put slats over the cracks , the roof will be waterproof . No shingles needed . The roof boards will have to come off but I decided to do that later . By the time the sides were finished [ , my arms and feet were soaked . I needed coffee . I dragged a tarp over the roof . Everywhere on Salt Spring , you see tarps . They 're the islander 's equivalent to duct tape . The way I use tarps , you 'd think I 'd been born and raised on the island . If there isn 't a spare tarp or two , I feel unprepared for life . City people need jobs , bank accounts , lines of credit , to feel secure . On SS people are free spirits . A place out of the rain , some homemade goods to sell to the tourists at the Saturday market , an old truck or van , a half dozen tarps , and life is good . The shed is not much to look at , but no rain comes through . It 'll do for this winter . The next time I 'm here , I can change the roof boards and , if there 's time , saw and split wood and store it safely . SS does get snow and sleet . Once , the roads were closed for two weeks . The power does go out . It does get cold . If a blizzard knocks out the power , the wood stove will heat the entire floor . In the city , at Thanksgiving , we give thanks for turkey , gravy , mashed potatoes , pumpkin pie but we don 't often remember to give thanks for electricity that nearly always works and when it doesn 't , it is rapidly repa ( A slightly different version was first published in Logberg - Heimskringla ) Posted on August 17 , 2011 by william Reply He peed on my shirt . When I fell into bed the night before , I left my shirt lying on the bedroom floor and in the morning , he came upstairs , lifted his leg , and peed on my good shirt . Just like that . I bought that shirt at British Importers . It was the most expensive shirt I owned . I lay there too stunned to say anything . He put his leg down , turned his head to give me a that 'll - teach - you look and went back downstairs . " Chico , " I yelled . " When I catch you , I 'll kill you . " Except I wasn 't wearing anything and the idea of running around the house nude trying to catch a very quick and agile Chihuahua didn 't really appeal to me . The curtains weren 't drawn . My neighbors are tolerant but not that tolerant . I went downstairs and Chico was lying in his felt doghouse with his head over the edge . No apology . He didn 't even have the decency to look abject or get out of the doghouse and roll onto his back in submission . " You 've got a new girlfriend , " my daughter said . " And she 's allergic to dogs . He 's had the run of the house for three years . You 've locked him in the kitchen . He escaped and let you know what he thinks of the new arrangement . " I 'd thought my daughter would be sympathetic . I thought it was an inborn trait of daughters . Coddle the old codger kind of thing . " Do that again and you 'll go back to the pound , " I said as I shoveled corn flakes into my mouth . He hated it when I had corn flakes for breakfast . If he had his way , I 'd have bacon and eggs every morning . Every lunch and supper . Unless I was having meat with a bone in it that he could hunker down over . Cholesterol ? He didn 't care if I had a heart attack just so long as he got one strip of bacon and a piece of fried egg . He walked with his tail in the air and his ears up . He was a babe magnet . Everywhere I took him beautiful women came up and patted him . I 'd tie him up outside the grocery store or the bank and when I 'd get back there 'd be a magnificent brunette or The wonderful thing about him was that everywhere I took him people talked to me . Because I live alone , that was a blessing . It meant that I wasn 't reduced to telling my life story to bored grocery checkout clerks . I 'd sit on a bench on the Dallas Road walkway and within moments someone else with a dog would sit down and ask me what breed he was . You see , although he was supposed to be a pure bred five hundred dollar chihauhau , I think his mother slipped out of the kennel one night and went partying . He wasn 't a trembling , fragile , timid mouse . He was barrel chested , strong and with a set of teeth when bared would stop most people in their tracks . He joined me on West Coast trails . It took him a few attempts to figure out wooden boardwalks , but he plowed through water filled holes , over huge tree roots , down and up slopes , along beaches and over sea wrack . His limit seemed to be ten kilometers . Then he sat down and wouldn 't budge . It was like he was saying if you 're crazy enough to keep walking , you 're crazy enough to walk and carry me . Threatening to send him to the pound was serious business . He 'd been there before . He knew what it was like to be thrown in the clink , the slammer , the cage . One rainy afternoon . he 'd slipped out the back door . I didn 't worry about it because I knew he always came back when he got hungry and thirsty / . He usually hooked up with Angel , my neighbor 's dog and they roamed around the yards on our dead - end lane . When he didn 't turn up , I went searching with a flashlight . I called in help . We all searched . No luck . I went up and down the main throughway , Richmond , looking for squashed chihauhau . Nothing . I got a friend to print up posters to put on telephone poles . It had a picture of him with his teeth baered and a statement saying if whoever found him returned him , I 'd take him back if they gave me five dollars . I figured if he peed on their best shirt , they 'd be glad to get rid of him . The following day I called the various pounds . " Yup " , the warden said , " Chihauhau cross , red collar , no tags , pay his fine and we 'll release him . When I got to the pound , I was led along the walkway between the prison cells . It was a heartbreaking moment . He saw me . I saw him . It was just like in the movies . He scrabbled at the wire . I held out my arms . But I hadn 't paid his fine so I had to go back to the front office and shell out for his being picked up and transported ( a well meaning neighbor had been the stoolie who turned him in ) , for his not having a dog tag and for a new tag . One hundred and thirty dollars . I could have done a lot of things with those one hundred and thirty dollars . Then one of the guards brought him out and put him on the counter . He climbed up my left arm onto the back of my neck and then onto my head where he perched , his nails digging into my scalp . " Nice Daniel Boone cap " , the guard said as I turned to leave . Most people like to think their dog is supernaturally smart , smarter than other people 's dogs . I didn 't think that about Chico . He learned early on that being cute beat being smart any day of the week . He 'd been my friend Valerie Kline 's dog . Valerie and I had been friends for twenty years . She was born in Kampala , Uganda and spent her first years in an internment camp . Her father was Austrian , her mother , Hungarian . At the end of the war , the family went back to Europe , then came to Canada . A long time after we met , she became ill . She got Chico to keep her company . Later , when Valerie was dying of cancer , she was more afraid of what would happen to Chico than she was about dying . That 's when I promised I 'd take him . I 'd known him from the day she 'd bought him . Chico and I had established a close relationship right away . If I fell asleep on Valerie 's chesterfield , he 'd sneak up and stick his tongue in my ear . It was a gotcha kind of thing . I 'd come in and play with him . I 'd throw a ball and he 'd look at it . I 'd chase him around and around the coffee table until he got tired of being chased and would lie down under the table and let me run around it . He 'd bark to encourage me . When I said I 'd take him , I only made one condition . He wasn 't sleeping on my bed . He slept on Valerie 's bed and on the couch with her . There was dog hair everywhere . I wasn 't having dog hair on my bed . No sir . Not under any conditions . A week after Valerie 's funeral , her eldest daughter brought Chico over , along with a large box of toys , , his felt dog house . and enough food for a Great Dane . Night came . I explained to him that this is where he slept from now on . I put him in his dog house with his special blanket . I gave him his stuffed lamb to cuddle . I went to bed . I was just falling asleep when I heard a noise . It was very quiet . Not a whine . It was a whimper . A heartbreaking whimper . It was so quiet I could just barely hear it . It was filled with tragedy . It said I 'm lonely . I 'm sad . I leaned over the bed . It 's hard to see a black and tan dog in a dark room but I saw him . Sitting there , looking up at me . " Go downstairs , " I said . " You 've got a very nice bed downstairs . " I knew then , in that moment , in spite of my Viking fantasies when I was a kid running around with a wooden sword in my parents ' yard at Gimli , I could never have been a Viking . Vikings are strong . They endure pain without a whimper . When they are fatally wounded , they make pithy statements about life . Maybe it 's the sentimental Irish blood . If I 'd been a true Viking , I 'd have had an Icelandic sheepdog , not a Chihuahua , he 'd have slept in front of the door protecting me from marauders . In spite of having read Havamal many times , when the crunch came I forgot all about being on my guard going through doorways and slaying my enemies . Can you see any Viking going into battle with a Chihuahua at his side ? " Okay , " I said sternly " but just tonight . " I reached down , picked him up and put him at the foot of the bed . He was very good . He lay right down and fell asleep . And so did I , but he must have moved sometime during the night because in the morning , he woke me with his snoring . He was nestled in the crook of my arm . He 's back with Valerie 's daughter now . She and her husband have moved to the country so they can have three dogs . Although the other dogs are large , he 's established himself as dog number two . He gets to play all day long and to go for country walks instead of sitting on my lap while I 'm working on the computer . My shirts are stain free . But he 's everywhere around the house with me . I often think I hear him and see him even though he 's not here anymore . I 'm going to visit him shortly . I 'll take him a treat . I hope he remembers me . Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a reply Posted on August 2 , 2011 by william Reply I 'm going chantrelle picking . That 's one of the joys of living on Vancouver Island . There are lots of chantrelles in the woods . Some people pick chantrells for money . There are cardboard signs up and down the highway saying " We buy mushrooms . " Some people pick for the health food and specialty stores . Others sell their mushrooms to a couple of the classier restaurants . Some of the pickers are out of work loggers . Others are people who live off seasonal work : tree planting , fishing , crabbing . I 'm not that serious a picker . I 'm happy with enough for a couple of meals . You can 't just say , " I 'm going picking chantrelles . " You 've got to prepare . First , you need to wait for the rain . A good rain and chantrelles pop up overnight . After a rain they 're heavy and solid instead of dry and light . When I hear the rain on the roof , I say to myself , " I think I 'll go picking chantrelles the day after tomorrow . " That gives me time to prepare . I have to get my old jeans out and my heavy socks . My hiking boots . An undershirt , a plaid shirt and a waterproof jacket . A pail and a small knife . Then I 've got make a lunch , nothing itsy bitsy , a real lunch , the kind I used to eat when I was a kid . A couple of sandwiches packed with meat and cheese and pickles . Something sweet . A thermos of coffee . A bottle of water . A pack sack . I have to dig through my everything drawer to find my compass . I don 't go into the bush anymore without a compass , not since the last time I got lost for four hours . I went picking mushrooms with a pro , the kind who fills up pails while I 'm still diddling around finding my first half dozen mushrooms . We went to his territory . Nobody owns these territories but pickers find them and keep them a dark secret . They don 't want somebody else coming in and scooping a hundred dollars worth of their mushrooms . Some of them even carry machetes just in case . It 's not as bad as the marijuana growers who dot the island . They 're totally paranoid . Not of the cops but of marijuana rustlers . Most of the marijuana is grown on government land so even if the cops find it , not one can be charged , but that means other people , if they discover it , can do the harvesting without the labour . Some of the growers , when the crop is nearly ready , take to sleeping in the middle of their patch with a rifle . We started up this ridge in an area I 'd never been before . We were working our way inland . You 've go to understand what this ground is like . First , it 's steep . In some places , you 're hanging onto trees and pulling yourself up the slope . You 're looking for mushrooms in the moss and fern and under logs . Second , this is the kind of forest where ten feet from the road , you can 't see anything but trees . And they all look the same . Turn around twice and except for the slope there 's no telling the direction . We went up over one ridge , then I lost my professional friend . He 'd gone gallivanting off following mushrooms like Hansel and Gretel followed cookie crumbs to the witches cabin . I followed a stream that turned into a trickle that turned into nothing and then I realized I was lost . Not a little lost . Lost lost . The kind of lost that means spending the night in the bush waiting to be rescued . It took me four hours to find the road again . Now , I don 't go anywhere without my compass . After I get all my gear into the truck , along with a second set of clothes behind the seat in case I get really wet , I go off with the same feeling I had when I was a teenager and was getting a day off schoThe forest is silent . At least it seems silent at first . That 's just because we 're used to so much noise . After I 'm in the bush for ten minutes , I can hear again . The kind of sounds that would be drowned out in the city . The sound my feet make in the moss , the dry brushing of my clothes , the creaking of the trees . On really still days , I 've actually heard a leaf as it struck the ground . To pick chantrelles , you 've got to pay attention to the ground . The chantrelles range in colour from white to brown , depending on the minerals in the soil . They often grow under the bright green moss . Only a patch of colour shows through . The first time I go out each year , my mind has to adjust . I have to learn to see again . At work it 's office politics , I 've got to watch , memos and body language . I 've got to hear the words and assess them . There are no words here . I stop every so often and crouch down , getting close to the ground , scanning the area all around me , looking into the shadows , under logs . If I find one chantrelle , I don 't move again until I 've studied every inch of the ground around me . Chantrelles often come in clusters . I don 't want to step on any or move past them . When I 'm tired from zigzagging up the ridge , I pick out a mother log heavy with ferns and moss , climb up on it and lie down . It 's so big that it makes a comfortable bed . I stretch out , staring up at the distant tips of the trees . This is all second growth but already the trees are bigger than anything you 'll find on the prairies . The tips seem to come together . Between them there are patches of blue sky . I can hear the beating of my heart . Steady , purposeful after the climbing . I 'm going to take a cat nap . Twenty to thirty minutes . Then I 'm going to have my first sandwich of the day and a cup of coffee . This I think is a far better way to pick mushrooms than out of box in Safeway . |
1 : This book was printed in book form in . . . | Was written by Rev , John A . Smith . And typed in book form , by his wife Lucille Smith , with Love | 1 | Amazing Grace , How sweet the sound , , That saved a wretch like me . I once was lost but now I ' , found , I was blind but now I see . ' Twas grace that taught my heart to fear , And grace my fears relieved , How precious did that grace appear , The hour I first believed . Through many dangers , toils and snares , I have already come . ' Twas grace that brought me safe thus far , And grace will lead me home . When we 've been there ten thousand years , Bright shining as the sun , . We 've no less days to sing God 's praise , Than when we first begun . The Lord has been so good to me , His mercy and His love . ' Twas grace that brought me safe thus far , And grace will lead me on . | AMAZING GRACE 2 : 1 | This is a True Story , It was written by Rev , John A . Smith , He worked on it everyday for a little while . He would get tired of writing , and lay it down . He started it about 1980 . He would pick it up and lay it back down . That went on for years . So I told him one day , you should try and finish your book , He would look at me and give me that sweet smile . But he did write in it until he got so sick , Then he couldn 't . . I always wished that he would have finished it before he got sick . | This is a story , about how he grew up and worked . He was a boy born to Loving parents , They didn 't have much . but they made sure their family was taken care of . He was happy , and was not ashamed of his life , or how they lived . They loved each other , And had the love of God in their home | 2 3 : The more you laugh the longer you live | I 'll start this out by saying , My name is John A . Smith , I love the Lord . and my Family . I was born April 01 , 1931 to Davis & Edna Smith . In Knox Co . Kentucky , a place called Stinking Creek up a Holler called Hinkle Branch . I was the 6th child born to my Mom & Dad . . . . . . . . . . | The oldest was Gertrude , ( Gertie ) we called her . She was born April 14th , 1919 . # 2 was Elijah born March 27th , 1922 . . . # 3 was Amanda born Feb , 25th , 1924 . . . # 4 was EuLene born Jan , 30 , 1926 . . . . # 5 was Pauline born April 03 1928 . . Then me John born April 01 , 1931 . . . # 7 was Robert born April 24 , 1933 . . . # 8 Launa born July 16 , 1935 . . . . # 9 Cleo born Jan 16 , 1938 . . . . # 10 Clandus born July 05 , 1939 . . . # 11 Eula Jean born Oct 07 , 1943 . | When I was just a baby , my sister Gertrude was baby setting me , while Mom & Dad was working in the field . Gertie was rocking , and singing to me trying to get me to sleep . We were on the front porch . And Gertie rock to close to the edge and we both went off . I was to young to remember it . I don 't think I got hurt . I thank we was still living at the same house , up on Lawrence Branch , when our house burned down . I was to young to remember , but they said I was laughing at the fire . . . . . . . | I can remember when Gertie and Aunt Rosie got married . That was Nov , 21th , 1936 , I was Five years old . They got married at Maw Smith 's house . I remember I was scared and I was holding on to my Mom 's dress tail . The Preacher that married them rode on an old mule . I thank the Preacher had a peg leg . . | 3 4 : Us kids always like to go to maw Smith 's house , we would play in the yard , and go down in the bottom and climb up on the big rock . Which we though was so big , but now it don 't look so big . And there was a big flat rock across from the house . Sometimes Me and Bob would play on it . There were holes under the rock where rabbits and other animals would go . . . . . | But at maw 's house , she had a big fire place and we would set around the fire , and maw would tell us story Like the graveyard tales . They were scares ones too . . We would get real interested in them , then Maw would jump or do something to scare us . Maw had a poker , and she was always punching the fire to get it to burn good . Maw had asthma , she had to smoke some kind of a powder . She would use a bucket lid , and put just a pinch of the powder on it , and light it with a match . And then she would take a match box cover put it over it and inhale the smoke . Some times , she would let us kids take a snort , we though that was cool . . . . . . . . | There was a paling fence along the path way going up to maw 's house . As we walked along the path , we would pull a stick along the fence , it would make a loud noise . | We moved in the yellow house around from the graveyard . I was scared to pass by there , Cause they said you could hear sounds coming from it . I told my Mom , if I died to bury me under the steps . . . . . | 4 5 : I remember while we lived there , Dad was working somewhere . Mom would get up early before day light . Mom would fix his lunch , I don 't know what she would put in his lunch , but some times I would wake up , and go set at the table and mom would give me a peace of light bread . I though that was a treat . For we didn 't have it all the time . | There was a Gully or small branch that came down close to our house . And one night it came a storm , and my Dad was scared it would wash the house away , So he carried us one by one up to the crib barn . Where we spent the rest of the night . . . . . . | Dad would take me to the woods to cut a nice straight oak tree . We would cut it down and cut blocks about five to six feet long and roll them down to the garden spot , where dad would rive paling slats to build a fence around the garden . So the chickens wouldn 't get in the garden , we would sharpen the tops of the slats . I still have the old fro that Dad used . We did all this by hand , My arms wasn 't long enough to make a full stroke with the saw . So we would make short strokes , we used a two man cross cut saw and chopping ax . There was no such thing as a chain saw . . . | 4 | My Dad and some of the other men was building a road across the Mountain . They was using Blasting Powder to move the rocks Us kids would be playing out in the yard , so when they got ready they would holler , fire in the hole . we would run into Maw 's house and the rocks from the blast would fall on the roof of the house . | 5 6 : 5 | I remember we moved away back in the head of coal 's branch . On above old man Thomas Broughton 's . house . Me and my brother Bob was out playing one day , we were bare footed . So we got into a briar patch , and Bob couldn 't get out . because he was bare footed , So I laid my hands on the ground , so he could walk out on my hands . Bob was two years younger than me . . | While we still lived there EuLene and one of the other girls , started out of the holler one day . They might have been going to school , any way EuLene got bit with a copper head snake . So Charlie Hinkle went down there and killed the snake . And bought it back , and stretched it out in the yard . It look to be three or four feet long . While we lived there , Dad got hunt in the coal mines , I believe it was on Horse creek and it left him with a limp when he walked . | So we moved from there back up to Lawrence Branch . By this time I was old enough to start to school . The school was a two room cobble stone building with a cobble stone well house in the yard . So in the summer time we would take our lunch to school and set our milk in th well house and it would stay cold . Pauline went to school with me . She would take care of me . she was three years older than me | 6 | This one of the school , I went too 9 : Me and Pauline would work together we would go to the mountains . And get stove wood for Mom to cook with . We also worked for for Jim & Rosie Mills hoeing corn in the field . We were getting about 75 cents a day each . Jim & Rosie had a little store . so most of the time we would trade in the store . I remember we would buy a 25lbs bag of corn meal . Or maybe flour and maybe we would get a 5lb bag of sugar or pinto beans . We carried that all the way down Hinkle Branch . We were so happy that we could help buy something to eat . . . . . | There was a big open fire place and in the winter time . We burned fire wood at night time . dad would put a big log in the back of the fire place and some smaller wood in front . . . | When the fire burned out , the house would get cold . All of us kids would stay in bed until Dad or Mom would get a fire going . You know it might sound like we was poor , But we was rich in the Lord . I Thank God for being raised like I was . With the fear of God in my Heart and a Dad and Mom that raised us to believe in the Lord . I Praise the Lord for it . It was worth more than Silver or Gold . . | Dad traded or bought an old car one time , We couldn 't get it all the way up to the house . We had to leave it down below at the barn . One day all us kids was playing in the car . So after dark that night , we could see a light down that way , Dad thought someone was messing with it . So Dad went down there . We had left the lights on . He wouldn 't let us play in it anymore after that . . | We had some dogs , one was named Rock , and the other one was named Ring . They were good hunting dogs . | 9 | 9 10 : One day Me and Pauline went to get wood , and the dogs started barking , and at first we was afraid to go see what they were barking at , We thought it might be a bear . . | Se we finely went up there , and it was a big ground Hog . On a tree limb about three or four from the ground . So I thought I would help the dogs , And I caught it bare handed . And that Ground Hog got me by the arm , and Pauline took a stick and beat it off of my arm . She almost killed it . So the dogs got a hold of it , and one pulled one way the other dog pulled the other way , around that tree . they killed it by pulling it to death . We left the wood and took the Ground Hog , down to the house . I don 't know if Mom cooked it or not . | We were raised hard and poor , But you know something , I thank God for the way I was raised . My Dad worked hard to feed us . There wasn 't much work back then , I think Dad worked on the road back then for 50 cent a day . They called it the W . P . A . And they built the roads by hand . I thank the Good Lord , that I had parents like that . they loved us , every one the same . . . . | One Christmas , Dad bought me and bob a red wagon , He carried it on his shoulder all the way up that holler . It was after dark , when he got home , so he set it on the front porch . It was in a card board box . After he ate supper , he told me and bob , there was something . . | 10 11 : on the porch for us . We was afraid to go out there , we thought it was a dog or something . So we finely went and bought it in the house , and opened it , We were so happy . I thank Dad paid about five dollars for it , that was a lot of money back then . We played with that wagon till we ran the wheels off of it , Then Dad took it and put some sled runners on it and we used it to haul wood on . . . . | We lived poor , But we didn 't know we was poor , We didn 't have hogs to kill for meat to eat . And most of the time , we didn 't even have a cow , to get milk . So if we got any kind of wild meat , such as a rabbit or ground hog to eat , we thought we was doing good , . . . . | I can remember one day the dogs tread something around on the side of the hill . So me and bob went to see what they were barking at , Whatever it was it was in a dirt hole on the Broom sage hill . So I told bob to go back to the house and get Shovel and hoe , and we would dig it out . when bob got back I would dig some , and then try to put my arm all the way up to my shoulder and tried to reach it . Then I would dig some more , after doing this several times . I finely got hold of a rabbit and pulled him out of there . All this time the dogs were raising cane . After all that digging , I was holding the rabbit in my hand , and he gave a big kick out of my hand , and took of up the hill . I put the dogs on his trail , They chased him for a bit , So I saw the broom sage moving , he was coming straight at me . So I just squatted down , and he ran right into my hands . But this time he didn 't get away , I held him by the back legs and hit him in the back of the neck , . . | 11 12 : Lasting Memories . . . | with my hand , and broke his neck . We took him home and skinned him , and Mom fried him up for supper . We knew when Dad got home he would be proud of us . This was around 1940 . | Pauline and myself would dig may apple root and wash it and spread it out on a rock or something and let it dry , then we would take to the store , and we might get 15 or 20 cents for a big bag full . . . . | In the fall of the year after every one has gathered their corn , me and Pauline would take some coffee sack and pick up corn that was left in the fields . and take it to the store and get enough money to buy a box of cola coca and some fire crackers . | The house we lived in was old man John Hinkle . We gave 1 / 3 of the corn that we grow for rent , for the whole year . Me , Dad . EuLene & Pauline would do Most of the work . Amanda was always kind of sick . And Dad would stays at the house a lot of the time . | I remember one day , Dad was gone some some where and the weather was dry , We hadn 't had any rain for awhile . Amanda , EuLene and Pauline was out working by the broom sage field . Amanda slipped around and smoked . So she lit her a cigarette and just threw the match down and it caught that broom sage grass on fire . And we couldn 't put it out . That fire went up that mountain , and in a few minutes , that whole place was on fire . That scared me so bad , we didn 't know what to do . So when Dad got home Amanda had to tell him what happened . So he found out that she had been slipping around smoking But he didn 't whip her . We lived in an old two room house , No Electric , No water , no inside plumbing , no toilet . so when you had to go to the bath room , you went up the holler or behind the barn . | 12 13 : 13 | We So in the winter months , we would have a fire in the big open fire place . We didn 't have no radio or T . V . so after my sisters would get though washing the dishes . They would bring the oil lamp and set it on the mantle , over the fire place . . . | Dad would read the Bible to us . He read the story about Elisha traveling some where and there were 42 Children along the wayside . When Elisha came to where they were , they started making fun of him . Saying go up thy bald head , go up . They said that three times . So God sent two she bears and killed the 42 children . | Boy , that really put a fear on me . I remember we had come out of the holler one Sunday to play with some of our cousins . Old man Sam Smith came riding an old yellow mule , my cousins started calling him names wouldn 't say any thing , I was afraid to say anything , because i knew I had to go back up that holler to get home . I was afraid the bears would get me . . . . . . | While we still lived at this place , Dad traded for a pretty little mule . So he got ready to work it , he put the horns on it , so the mule stood real still . But as soon as he picked up the lines , it started kicking , just as hard as it could . Do Dad let it kick back and forth in the yard , until it looked like the hogs had rutted it up . So Dad had made a new corn sled . He told my Mom , he would work that mule or else , Dad wouldn 't let nothing get the best of him . 14 : 14 | My Mom said if you hook that mule to anything I will leave . He said you might as well go , She went off up the holler . So now Dad took the mule and hooked it to his new sled , That mule started kicking the whole front end out of the sled . . Dad unhook the mule , took the horns off , and got on the mule went and traded it for a cow calf , So now we have milk . . . . | Dad would shoe Horses and mules for people . So if they wouldn 't be still , He would put a twist on their upper lip . And he would give me the rope to hold . He would say John , if it don 't stand still , twist the rope some more . I felt so sorry for that old horse , cause I knew had to hurt them . But I would do as my Dad said , and that old mule would wet all over the ground . . . . . | Charlie , My brother - in - law Traded for an old mule , named toby , Back then they had some kind of powder called Hi Life powder , Someone must have put some on old toby , He worked good until that wore off , and then he wouldn 't hardly go or nothing . Charlie was plowing on the side of the Mountain , and I was holding onto the lines driving . We couldn 't hardly get that mule to go . So Charlie picked up a rock and throw and hit that old mule between the ears and knock that mule out , So plow stock mule and every thing went down the mountain . That scared me I thought sure he had killed it . So it kicked around and got got up . I don 't know what ever happened after that . . . | 14 17 : The more you laugh , the longer you live . | 17 | Dad and William Hubbard was building a room on to the house , Me and Dad would go to the woods , and find a good Board tree , which is an Oak . And we would saw the tree down and then cut it in Board lengths , then roll them down the mountain and Dad would rive boards for the roof . While they were building the roof . I fell off and sprung my foot or ankle . My Mom took some brown paper bags or wrapping paper either one , and soaked it in Vinegar to keep the swelling down . . . . | My Dad had a talent to work with wood . He made wooden chairs , straight backs and rocking chairs . he could make bull tongue plow stocks , Axe handles and all kind of things He would use Hickory Bark for the chair bottoms . He would take me with him to the woods , and we cut down Hickory Trees . Dad would use the bark for the chair bottoms , and the rest of the wood for ax and and hammer handles . . . . | I remember one year me and Pauline would go to school bare footed . We didn 't have any shoes to wear , so it was late fall of the year . It would be a frost , on the ground , we would walk through that frost , and our feet would get cold . When we came to a branch of water , we wade the water , and it felt warm to our feet . . . | At the mouth of Hinkle Branch , lived an old lady , Her name was Hillie Cairns , her grandson lived with her . and he had an old yellow dog , every time we went pass there , he would try to make that dog bite us . His name was Roosevelt , but we called him Dob , He was so mean all the time fighting with other boys , no one liked him . 18 : One year we lived over across the creek , in a two room log house . This was over behind the Church house . This is where we lived , when Clandus was born . . . . . . . | I would go fishing down at the creek . I would catch some big cat fish , when i would take them off the hook . They would spear me with that fin by the gill . Some times I would set my fishing pole at night . Just stick the pole back in the bank of the creek . The next morning I would go down there there the first thing of the morning . And most of the time I would have a big yellow cat fish on the hook . I would take it back up to the house and clean it , And mom would fry it up for supper . Now that was some good eating . The kitchen was out from the house in an crib with a dirt floor . I remember the post office was down the road from the Church . Rena Mills , run the post office , She would give us milk and butter . . . | I remember we had a potato patch in front of the house . Mom sent me out to dig some potatoes for dinner one Sunday while they were having Church . Mom was at Church , They were singing and it sounded so good . After a few minutes you would hear them start shouting and praising the Lord . . . . | We moved again , back up on stinking creek . We always had to walk to Church . The Church had old mill cut lumber for the floors , and the seats were mill cut lumber . It didn 't have no electric , no inside toilets , And no Music of any kind . Preacher Townsley didn 't believe in music . But when they started singing and shouting the dust and dirt would come up though the cracks in the floor . . . | 18 19 : 19 | They sure had some good meeting back then . I thank God that I was raised to know about God , and all the blessing of the Lord . They would bring oil lamps and hang them on the wall for lighting . Most all of these people are passed and gone now . I was just a small boy then , Now I am 71 tears old . One of the good old sisters , that night she got the Holy Ghost , She shouted all the way home . She had to cross the foot log over the creek . Some one said , you better hold on to her so she won 't fall in the creek . A sinner man spoke up and said , leave her alone , she will be alright . Dad went to Church once , and got to shouting so hard , He jumped out the window , Shouting all around the Church house , and back in the door . . | So we moved to Harlan where Dad had a job in the coal mines . They had a general store . We would go there and buy candy and Ice Cream . I don 't remember how long we lived up there , it must not have been to long . We moved back down to the Mary Hammond 's house , out from the mouth of Hinkle Branch . I was around twelve years old , This is where we lived when Jean was born . They sent us all around to Taylor Sharps house . And then some one went and got Uncle John Townsley to deliver the baby . In fact I thank Uncle John delivered all of Mom 's babies . . | By this time Amanda and EuLene was old enough to start dating boys . So when we would go to Church , Dad would make them walk alone with him and Mom . They wasn 't allowed to go ahead or walk behind . So Amanda married George Stewart and EuLene married Code Mills . This was 1943 I was twelve years old . . . . 20 : So we moved from there over in Doris branch . I was still going to Cole Branch school . So one day , One of the neighbor boy named Glenn Clark went to the same school . His Dad was old man Will Clark , he had some corn in the bottom land up above the school house . So one day old man Ely Allen 's cows got into the corn field and destroyed the corn . Glenn 's Dad had told him to go check on the corn , and if the cows were in the corn , for him to drive them around to his barn lot and keep them there . . . | Glenn was older than me , and in a higher grade in school . So he wanted me to go and help him . So I ask my teacher , His name was Tole Mills . He said it was ok for me to go . When we got up there , There were those cows in the corn . So we got them rounded up , and drove them down the hill right pass the school . I don 't remember how many they were . But we drove them on down the road , to old man Clark 's and put them in the lot . And then we went back to school . I though I was doing a good deed . I didn 't know we was Cattle Rustling . . . | One week or two went by , Then Ely took Clark to court . I had to be a witness , I was scared to death . I was afraid they was going to put me in jail , But they didn 't . But I sure got a whipping from my Dad . I thank that was the first and the last whipping my Dad ever gave me . he had spank me some times , but I didn 't drive any more cattle . We lived at that place when Maw Smith , died . In 1944 or 1945 . Pauline Said she worried about Maw , If she was really dead or just in a coma . cause back then they didn 't Embalm people , like they do now . . . | 20 21 : We lived here when Charlie Hinkle , my brother - in - law got his call for the army . He went and took his physical . And he passed that ok . He came home , waiting for his papers to let him know , when he would be going in . Mom and Dad , had all the Church members to be praying , that he wouldn 't have to go to the army . my sister Gertie had one or two children at the time . So the people kept praying all the time that he would not haft to go . | My Dad said he was out walking around the side of the hill , and started to step across a little ditch of water . And the Lord spoke to him , and told him Charlie won 't have to go to the army . When he got back home , He told my Mom and the rest of the family that was there , that Charlie wouldn 't have to go to the army . He said the Lord had spoke to him , and told him he won 't have to go . So in a few days his papers came and they began to read them , and they said he passed for the army . And the next line would say Rejected . And the next line would say passed for army duty , the next line would say Rejected . And on the very bottom , it said Charlie Hinkle was Rejected for other reasons . so he didn 't have to go in the army . | My Uncle John and Julia lived across from us . Her oldest son Colonel was already in the Army , so the Church people was praying for him to get to come home . One day we heard Aunt Julia Shouting and Praising the Lord . cause Colonel had come home and had got discharged from the army . Don 't tell me the Lord want move . | 21 22 : 22 | Another one of my cousin 's Jim Smith , got to come come too . The Church people was praying for him too , He told how him and two other boys was in a fox hole one night . There was one on both sides of him , and both of them boys got killed . He got to come home , I don 't know if he got hurt or not . I can 't remember . But as of now , he is still living . This is 2003 that I 'm writing this . The house we lived in belonged to Woodrow and Sally Bright , We had to move cause she wanted to live there . . | Then we had to move again . We moved on up the holler , in a one room log house . It seemed like we never lived more that one year at a time at each house . sally Bright had some corn planted down in the bottom land , from the house . She let it go too long , before she had it worked . She hired Me and Pauline to hoe the corn . The weeds was bigger than the corn . And the corn would just fall over , when we cut the weeds down . . . . | Dad decided to build another room on the house . So we went and cut some logs , to build it with . We built the room . We didn 't have any lumber , so he rived boards from oak logs , he used logs for the floors . He took a foot ax and flattened the tops of the logs . Then we used yellow clay mud , to dob the cracks with . Outside the old house was built on a rock pile the cracks in the floor was so big , you could see the chickens walking around under the house . | And the mice was so bad after the room was finished that was the kitchen . After Pauline would get the dishes washed , she would bring the oil lamp back in the other room . You could hear the mice running over the floor . 23 : 23 | So one night we slipped back in there and as one ran by me , I caught it bare handed . And it bite me on the hand , and the Blood just poured . Mom put something on my hand , and in a few days it healed up . I didn 't even go to a doctor . Me and Pauline went bare footed , some times we would stump our toes , on rocks or something our toes would bleed and we would put sand on them , and it would stop them from bleeding . . . | Sometimes we would get the toe itch . We would go hunt the cows . and wade through the morning dew , our toes would crack open between the toes . There was a weed that grow , we called it the toe itch weed . We would break it open and there was a white stuff like milk . We could put that on our toes , and it helped to heal them up . | I can remember while we lived at this place , we had a corn field way back on the Mountain where we raked and cleaned off the land . We worked so hard trying to grow . | some corn . We owned an old black and white dog , Now this dog like to suck eggs . The hens would lay eggs , but this old dog got to them before we did . Well one day my Dad put a rope around the dog 's neck , And on the way up the hill , my dad stopped and pulled over a small tree , and tied the rope to the tree and let it go . He hung that old dog . In a few days you could see the buzzards flying around over head . I was scared to go pass that way . My Dad didn 't like a egg sucking dog . . . . | We had an old blind mule . Dad always went Mud turtle hunting in the spring of the year , just as soon as the water got warm enough to wade in it . So one Saturday we put some bread , salt , skillet , and matches to build a fire with . We put them all in a sack . . . . . 26 : 26 | Put it on that old blind mule , and rode it across a bjg mountain turtle Huntings . We hunted half a day and caught one little turtle . We was so hungry we set down on the creek bank . Dad put two rocks together and we built us a fire . We fried that little turtle up and ate it . Boy it sure did taste good . That was the only turtle we caught that whole day . I thank someone had already been there and got all of them . | There was other times , we went and caught a lot of turtles . We grow some cane that year . When it got ripe and ready to cut , and grind , we pulled the blades off , and cut the tops off , cut the cane down in piles . And then we haul it in a corn sled where the mill was . My job was to feed the mill . They had this old horse walking round and round grinding the cane . . . . . | After we got so much juice , we had a big long metal pan . My Dad would dig out a trance in the ground , set the pan over that and build a fire under the pan . And boil that juice until it became molasses . We would walk to Church and Church would hold late some times . And the due would be on the ground before we got home . It was in the fall of the year , we had a turnip patch , some times on the way home from Church . We would pull up some turnips and eat them . They would be nice and cold . They tasted so good . . . | Well it 's about time to move again , We hardly lived at one place more than one or two years , at a time . Dad went over on Middle Fork Richland and rented a big farm house , from old man Lige White . It had a big barn on the place , and plenty of land to grow a garden or crops . Good well on the back porch , with one of those long bucket 's . We really thought that was something . . . | We was used to carrying water from the the spring , so we love it cause we had the water at the house , and not have to carry it . Dad couldn 't stand for bushes high weeds to be around the house , or along the fence rows . . . . 27 : 27 | Dad borrowed a horse and wagon , to move us over there . I remember the last load , was a wagon load of corn . It got dark on us before we got down to Boone high , where Gertie lived . We stopped there and rested for a while . We was all pretty tired , and we needed to rest . We drove on the main highway after it got dark . Cause we didn 't have any lights on the wagon . I was riding on the main back end of the wagon . I was afraid some one would run into us . But we made it home all right | While we lived at the Mary Hammond 's house , Lester Hammond lived just around the road . He had a little store . When we got five or ten cents we would go to his store and buy us some candy or chewing gum . Lester lived in a big house and it had a big barn up above the house , It was just a little ways from the house . . me and dad was working in the field one day . And we saw Dob Smith the one that lived with his grand Mother , Aunt Hilley Cairns . He went in Lester 's barn and stole some eggs . He had his pockets filled with eggs . When he came out of the barn , my Dad hollered at him , and he started throwing eggs ever where . Me and him was all time fighting . . . . | Well Lester had an old ford truck . He hired my Dad to drive it , we would haul mining timbers up to the K . J . coal mines . We would drive up a crooked road to unload the timbers . There was one curve so crooked , that old truck wouldn 't steer enough to make the curve . And the brakes on the truck wouldn 't hold too good . So Dad would lay a timber on the side of the truck bed , and when we came to that curve I would get out and scotch the wheels , so it wouldn 't go over the Mountain . I was so scared at times , that he was going to go right over that big Mountain , But it look like the Lord was always there with us . | So he would have me and bob to clean it all out , 28 : 28 | After we got moved to Richland , which was in the fall of the year . We started working in the yard and fields , so that when spring came , we could get started planting our fields and garden stuff . We would go across the Mountain to Church , on Knox Fork . That 's where we was going when Pauline got saved . Some times we would walk across the Mountain , and some times we would ride a horse or a mule across . Pauline prayed a long time to get saved . She like to read those love story magazines , and she said every time she got down to pray , those magazines would come up before her eyes . It went on like that for a while . One day she throw all of them away . And in a couple of weeks , The Lord saved her . She shouted all over that place . | While we still lived there , Dad had an old horse to die . And he hauled some wood out of the woods and piled it on top of the horse , and burned it . Then we had to haul the mess away . . We had a long ways to go to the store for grocery It was over by Grays . to Sam Parkers store . Maybe once every two or four weeks we would go . . While we lived there Dad and George Stewart , bought a 1946 Chevrolet Truck , it was a flat bed one and a half ton . I thank George learned to drive on that truck . Something went wrong and George ended up with the truck . Later he started hauling coal , with it . | We grow a lot of stuff , we had a big garden . We canned a lot of beans , tomatoes , corns peas , and my mom put up a lot of greens , like turnip , mustard , boy did it taste good , when it got cold weather . We also grow a tobacco patch . Sure was hard and a lot of work growing tobacco . I hated having to go out and help get those big old tobacco worms off of the leaves . . 29 : Home is where there 's someone to love , and someone to love us . | 29 | There was some big black walnut trees on the hill over from the house . And some behind the barn . Well Me and Pauline and Bob , gathered ten bushels of walnuts , We had five bushels hulled out , and dried , and five bushels still in the hull . We would eat some , and we took some and sold them . . . Gertie and Charlie lived up above us in the second house above us , and Code and Eulene lived in the forth house above us . We also grow some peanut and some popcorn . . . | Well it 's fall of the year and time for us to move again . Dad went over on Knox Fork and rented a small house close to the Church house . We had so much stuff , we didn 't hardly had room for all of it . Come spring and summer we had another garden and a big Strawberry patch . Bro . Paul Bingham was the Pastor at the Church . While he was preaching he would go skipping from one end of the pulpit , to the other . They sure had some good Services back then . The sisters would start shouting , The olds and young ones together . Their bobby pins and hair pins would come out and their hair would hang way down their backs . | Well it 's time to move again , Dad went over at Girdler , and rented a house from Sister Bertha Shelton . Across the creek and railroad tracks , from the Hughes Hill Church . We didn 't live there too long , Mrs Shelton wanted to move back into her house . While we lived there They had a baptizing in the creek . I remember sitting on the rail road trussel . C . G . Marion was in the group . . . Well it 's time to move again . Dad rented a big house up the tracks called the Kail Mills , so we moved up there . . 30 : Dad bought a Boundary of timber from some one , over at New Girdler for Forty Dollars . It was whole side of the Mountain . He borrowed the Forty Dollars from our neighbor Old man Coefield Chadwell . We cut mining timber and cross collars for the coal mines . Dad had another horse to die , so it was right out side of the barn . We dug a big hole right beside of the horse , and Dad chopped it 's legs and head off with a chopping ax . Then rolled him over in the hole and we covered it up . Thats all we could do . We had no way to carry it any where else . | That was where we lived , when Pauline ran off and married Gilbert Reynolds | We had a hand pump on the back porch . The water had oil in it . We would tie a rag over the spout to strain the oil out of the water . . . . . . . . | Our water bucket looked like a slop bucket . | Dad bought an old 1937 ford truck from some black man named Wolford . . . | We Haul timbers up in Harlan some where . People up there would let their stock run loose out in the roads or any where . Me and Dad had a load of timbers on the old ford truck , and Bob and George Stewart had a load on the Chevrolet truck . We took the two loads up there . But it got dark before we got through . We got unloaded , started back home . The Brakes was no good and the lights wasn 't too bright . Here comes this big hog , right out in front of us . Dad couldn 't stop the truck , and he ran over that thing . . | Well here we go again moving , we moved so much you had better know where your clothes was . Are you might not get in them fast enough . Dad went down to Flat lick and rented a two room house and we moved down there . It had real low ceilings , I was working on the farm for the mills brothers | 30 31 : for four dollars a day . Almost from day light till dark . Dad and Gilbert was working in some little coal mines , But they wasn 't making much money . While we lived there , All my sisters one at a time got sick or some thing got wrong with them , They came to our house and Mom had to wait on them . | I got sick , and wasn 't able to work . We got to the place , where we didn 't have any food or no way of getting any . So Mom and Dad started praying for the Lord to make a way . And he did , People started bringing boxes and bags of food of all different kind . The whole front porch was filled up with boxes on top of boxes . When Dad got home , He just broke down and started crying . and started thanking the Lord for making a way for us , to have food . We didn 't know some of the people that brought food up there . It just goes to show you , What the Lord can do . . . | Well it came time to move again for us to move again . So dad rented a house up on Turkey Creek from old man John D . Cairnes . Dad borrowed an old truck from some one . I thank it was a T . Model Ford . We moved up there in early spring . Dad had Me and Bob to clean off some ground , to plant corn . But we didn 't have no horse to plow with . Old man Cairnes had a nice horse , But he wouldn 't let us use it . . | I thank we did grow a garden while we lived there . I remember we picked Poke Salad and ate it . And when Black Berries got riped , We would pick some , and Mom would make Berrie Cobbler . dad was working in another little coal mine . I remember he would come home with a real bad sick headache . I 've seen him pull his hair out almost . Mom would make Hot Meal Potion and wrap and it around his head , to relieve some of the pain . | 31 32 : 32 | Dad got an old truck , and it wouldn 't hardly run . Dad would work on it . I thank it made it worst . I most have been about sixteen years old at the time . I got a job with John Renfro working in the timber woods . Down on poplar creek , so it come time to move again . So while I was at work one day , Dad loaded our stuff on that old truck , and headed out of the holler . As we were coming from work . We met Dad , Mom , and the other kids , they were sitting in the middle of the road . The truck had stopped and dad couldn 't get it started . I got out of the other truck to help dad . We were moving to Gooden Branch , just a few miles up the road . | But that old truck , kept on stopping and it was almost midnight , when we got to the house . We opened up a little Blue gem coal mine , down the road , from the house . Dad taught Me and Bob how to shoot the coal from the solid walls . The coal was only 22 - - 24 inches , we had to shoot the top off , so we could get in and out . We dug the coal , hauled it outside . We sold Block coal for $ 4 . 00 a ton , mine run for $ 3 . 00 a ton and Slack coal for $ 2 . 00 a ton . there was old man Airson Payne would buy coal and haul it in a wagon . He would always pay us . That sure was hard work . | Well it 's that time again , Dad rented a house up on Rasnic Branch , about one mile away from where we lived . While we lived there , I worked for a man called Matthew , On the farm for two dollars a day . That was hard work too . Then I got a job on the Cumberland River , way down from Cumberland falls . Driving mules , hauling logs and brush piles up and burning them . This job paid , A dollar and twenty - five cents an hour . That was good money back then . By the time I was nineteen years old , I had saved enough money to buy me a ticket to Detroit Michigan . I was going to stay with my Aunt rose and Uncle Ed Jordan 33 : 33 | They lived on Buffalo street in Detroit across the street from them lived a pretty girl named Lucille Young . My Aunt had told her I was coming up here , Cause my dad had already been up here . And he had told her all about me . And even told her , that he believe she would be his Daughter - in - Law someday . She ask him , why he though this . And he said I just have that feeling . Anyway she came over there , and I opened the door about the same time she did . and she came right into my arms . | She said " oh , you must be Johnny , " So that 's how we met , I was kind of shy in a way , back then . But she said I wasn 't . But I was happy to get to meet her . She was fifteen years old . And would turn sixteen in September . One month away . Dad came up in a couple of weeks after I did . I bought Lucy her sixteenth Birthday Cake . We started going places to gather , we would go to the store , and once and a while we would go to the Movies . And when we did , we had to take her Baby brother Glenn with us . I got a job at Dodge main , I was only making Two dollars a hour . | I paid Aunt Rosie Twelve dollars a week for rent , this was 1950 . Then when my Dad came back up the last of August of the same year , he stayed with Aunt Rosie for a few days , Then me and Dad rented a room on 3rd and temple street in Detroit . Dad got a job at Plymouth motors and worked for a while and got laid off . but then got called back . I would still go back over to Aunt Rosie to see Lucille . I bought a 1939 Ford car , so when I got laid off from my Job , I went back to Kentucky . Dad went back and stayed with Aunt Rosie , cause he was still working . He was on the afternoon shift , Lucille would stay up till he came home , and they would set on the porch and talk for a while . 34 : 34 | I thank my dad told Lucille every thing about me , Cause when she would write me a letter , . She would mention a girl name . I told her I was never serious with any girl in Kentucky , My Dad really loved Lucille , and told me so . He said you should marry that girl , before she finds some one else . Then when my Dad lost his Job , he came back home , and later he be came real sick . Lucille and I would write to each other . I would have to read her letters to dad , cause he always liked her . I came back to Michigan , and got a Job at Chevrolet . Lucille and I started going out to gather again . Then in 1953 My Dad got really sick I went down to see him . and was on my way back , when he died . So I had to turn a round and go back to Kentucky . Lucille wanted to go , but I didn 't have time to tell her . She was hurt so bad , Cause she wanted to be there for me . . | Then in 1954 on June 26th Lucille and I was married . The one Happy Day of my Life . And in 1955 , we had our First son , he was born on August 09 , 1955 , fourteen months . after we was married . We named him Jerry Wayne . | A little while after he was born , We started going to Church . I wanted to raise my family in Church . The first night we went to Church , I went to the altar . The Lord had been dealing with me for a long time . And that night I received Jesus in my Heart and Soul . I could take you back to the very spot , that he saved me if the place was still there . It was a store front Church , on Michigan Ave . In Detroit . Bro . Alex Warren was the pastor , and Bro , Daniel was one of the Preacher too . 35 : 35 | Bro . warren went back to see if Lucy wanted to come to the altar . But she refused him at the time , and took Jerry our baby , and went outside , to the car . But she went back to Church the next week or two and excepted the Lord also . We were Baptized together . With about four or five more people , One was my Brother - in - Law , My sister 's husband . And one was my Sister - in law , my brother 's wife . Then in 1957 on August , 07 , we had little girl . We named her Sandra Darlene . I always called her my little girl , and still do to this day . Then eighteen months later , In February 01 . We had another son . his named was Ronnie Gary . He was such a sweet and beautiful baby . Seems like there were something special about him . He hardly ever cried , always had a smile , The winter of 1959 was cold , and Little Ronnie got sick in January of 1960 , and he had to spend a week in the Hospital . Lucy stayed with night and day . | He had Bronchial Pneumonia , he was in an oxygen tent , the whole week he was in the Hospital . So after they took him out of the Oxygen tent . they just sent him home . Our Doctor had to go out of town that week and he put another Doctor over him , the nurses said he shouldn 't be letting him go home so quick , Back then , you couldn 't argure with them , But any way we took him home on a Sunday , and three days later , we had to rush him back to the Hospital . | I called a cab , cause Lucy had to stay with the other two children , till she got someone to watch them . That cab driver , when he saw how sick Ronnie was . He ran every red light from our house to the Hospital . hoping the police would stop him and take little Ronnie the rest of the way . When he got there the Nurses was at the door , to meet me , cause Lucy called them and told them I was on my way . The Nurse kept saying , I knew he shouldn 't have let this Baby go home . Lucy got there as soon as she could , and Little Ronnie died about an hour after she got there . He lived about two and half hour after we got him in the Hospital . 38 : 38 | He died on the 22nd day of January . Nine days before he would have been one year old . I thank the Lord just wanted us to enjoy him for a while . In 1964 we had another Son , Born February 15th , He looked just like Ronnie . We named him , John Timothy . I was working Turnstead Div , of General Motors , and seems like I was getting laid off about every other month , So I got a Job at Standard Tube Company , in Redford Mich , I worked there for @ 7 and aHalf years , and then they folded . We bought our first home in 1958 for about 11 , 000 dollars . In 1972 , we sold that house in Detroit and bought one in Taylor Mich , it was on almost two aches of land . But after we moved here in 1972 . I was still working for the Standard Tube Co . I worked hard there , but they didn 't pay much . . . | Lucy went and got a Job first at Hudson in Southland . She worked there until the Hospital opened up here in Taylor . She had saved enough money , That when our Daughter got married , She had almost enough money to pay for it . She quit Hudson in 1976 cause she had to have Surgery . Then our oldest Son Jerry went into the Army . After she got better . She went and applied for a Job at the Hospital . She got called to work , before the Hospital ever opened . Then Sandy applied for a Job also . The Hospital was called People community Hospital back then . Then Sandy got married , in 1977 . She married a nice man , His named is Richard Soblo . we all call him Rick . They have Three Beautiful Daughters . Sandy got called to work before she got back off of her Honeymoon . . | Our oldest son married Nancy in 1975 , They had one son , and one daughter . Joshua and Nicole , They divorced , and he married another woman , Donna and they had one child Justin . then they were divorced . And in 1990 he was Burned to death in a house fire . That was the worst thing that ever happen to me . Joshua has a Son , Tyler , And Nicole has a daughter , . 39 : 39 | But getting back to when I lost my Job at the tubing co . Lucille was still working at the Hospital , And she knew the Boss of the Maintenance Dept . and she told him what they did to me and about me losing my Job , and that I was a carpenter . He told her , to tell me to come in and talk with him . And so I went over the next day , and he hired me part - time . I worked almost full time all the time , He hired me as a carpenter , and I really loved that Job . I made five dollars more on the hour , than I did at the tubing job . then they had to lay me off , for cut - backs . But one of the bosses had went over to Annapolis Hospital to work , And he call me up the next day and told me to come over there and work for him full - time . I worked there for about four and a half years , till I had to have Prostate Surgery in 1992 , and after that , it was one thing after another going on , and in 1995 , I had to have Open - heart Surgery , to replace a value , that I was losing blood from . . . | I never did get over it . My Daughter Sandy , Married a nice Man , Richard Soblo . They had Three beautiful girls , Jennifer , Stacey , & Emily , Two of Sandy 's daughters are married . Jennifer has two little boys , And Stacey doesn 't have any at this time , And Emily the youngest is still going to school to be a Nurse . John our youngest Son married a pretty girl , Tammy Lynn Kirk . They have three handsome Sons , Brandon , Spencer , & Johnathan . His oldest Son Brandon , is planning to get married in 2011 to his long - time girlfriend Elyse . But the other two are not making any plans yet . John 's wife is going to school to be a Nurse too . . . 40 : 40 | The Doctor that done my Surgery , told me that that value should last for two hundred years , . But it didn 't . I wasn 't able to go back to work after that , so they went back to 1992 and sign me out on a Medical Retirement . Seems like I never was strong after that , After I got over the Heart Surgery , just a couple of years later I had a stroke . I was back in the Hospital , they said I had a couple of mini - stroke , but they didn 't affect me any . I don 't like to be a patient in the hospital . I had to go back in and have my Gall Bladder out , And they gave me Morphine , I can 't take that stuff , Cause it makes me hear things , and my mind just don 't seem to work right , when they give that to me . I told Lucy some things that was happening , And she would tell me I was just imagining it . That was about 1998 . Then Lucy 's Mom got sick and she passed away in 1999 . That hurt me so bad , I loved her , as if she was my mother . She was always so good to me . I had to Preach her Funeral , cause the minister , that was going to preach it got sick . | That was the hardest thing , to do , Cause I couldn 't hardly keep from crying all the time I was standing there . I preached her Dad 's funeral too . But that didn 't bother me . I really loved that woman , and still miss her so bad . She always went with us on Vacations . She seem to like to go with us . Then in 2004 , They had to put a Pace - Maker and connected it to my Heart , They said my heart was getting weaker all the time . While I was in the hospital getting that pace - maker they gave me Morphine again , and I started hearing things and seeing things , that wasn 't there . I remember one day some people from the Church came to see me , When they came in the room . Lucy started to close the door , and I told her she was closing the door on someone . She said Honey , they are all in the room . 41 : 41 | One night I was laying in the bed , Lucy at come back home , And there was an old Man or Woman , was yelling real long . And all of a sudden they stopped yelling , and there were two Nurses standing at the desk , Their nurse station was right across the hall from my room . well this male nurse walked up and said , well he 's out for the night , and then said to the other nurse , " What about the one with the Pace - Maker , I thought they were going to kill me . I called Lucy at home it was about 1 : 30 in the morning , and told her what was going on , and to come and get me . She came over there and stayed the rest of the night with me . And in a couple of days I came home , But Lucy stayed with me all the time , till they released me . She tried to convince me , nothing was going to happen . But I was sure they were going to kill me . | Then in 2007 , I started losing Blood , Every time I went to the Doctor , My blood count was lower , they couldn 't seem to find out where the blood was leaking from , They started running test after test on me , and they ran procedures on me , but couldn 't find a thing . They started giving me blood . They sent me to a Blood Specialist to see if they could find anything , they gave me a spinal tap , thinking it might be Leukemia , but it prove out not to be that . They had to start giving me blood every three weeks , I was getting 2 units at a time , then it got to being 3 units . So Lucy said she was taking me back to see the Surgeon that had Operated on my Heart . So we went to see him , And he did a test and looked at the x - rays , and come back into the room where we was setting and said John J have found where you are losing the Blood from . It was coming from value that he put in , back in 1995 , He said two stitches had come loose , and he would have to replaced that . 42 : 42 | I didn 't want to have it done , But he told me , If you don 't get it done you will loose all your Blood , cause it wasn 't coming out , and that is what they couldn 't understand . So he set up a date to do the Surgery . January 23rd , 2008 , I went back under the knife . I came through the Surgery real good . But he told Lucy that the blood that was leaking out had been going into my Kidney 's , and had done a lot of damage to them . I spent a week and a half in the Hospital , and then they sent me to a rehab center to have physical therapy . cause i couldn 't walk or do any thing for myself , Lucy was right there with me , she even brought me a chair from home to set in . I had to go on Kidney Dialysis for my kidneys three times a week for three hours . Every Tuesday , Thursday , and Saturday . then they sent me to the Hospital cause they though I was having heart problems . . | I stayed in there one week , and I called Lucy after Midnight one night to come and get me , cause I was afraid they were going to kill me . My mind was playing games with me . She came and told them she was taking me home , They tried to talk her out of it . But she stood her ground . She was there every day with me , they would have to tell her she had to leave . She brought me home , and she waiting on me and worked with me , and learned me to walk again . Lucy wouldn 't give up on me , she kept telling me I could do it , and would get me up and walk me around the room , and me with all my weight leaning on her . I got where I could walk on my own , and we went every third day to the clinic to have dialysis , I had to go back in the hospital for something and the same thing would happen . Lucy told them not to give me Morphine any more , for it was playing treats on my mind , so when I came home that time , I told Lucy , I 'm not going back to the Hospital any more . 43 : 43 | She said if you have to go back to the Hospital for any thing , that she would go and stay with me night and day , She kept her word too . I guess thats why I love her so much , She has always been good to me and stood by my side . I 've have been on dialysis now , for almost three years , We though at first it would just be for a while and my Kidneys would start working on their own , But they never did . You know I told you about our oldest son getting burnt to death , I told Lucy if anyone ever ask me what the Best thing that happen to me , or the worst thing that happen to me , That I would have to say the worst thing was when our son died in the fire , And the Best thing was when God saved my soul . He gave me the Holy Ghost one night when I was praying for my brother Bob to get saved . He knock me back in the floor . I was called to Preach in 1962 , and I have always preached the truth , I 've been the Pastor at the FlatRock Holiness Church in FaltRock Mi , now for 31 years , And was Asst Pastor before that . Me and Lucy has always sang together , Lucy has always stood by me , and I Love her for that . We will be Married for 57 years this June 26th , 2011 . I would always use us as a example to the couples , I was going to marry , and tell them about how happy we always was . We never had a fight or never left one another in all the years we was married . | That was the last of John 's writing , I 'm sad to say he passed away on March 11th , 2011 . He was very sick from having to have Kidney Dialysis . He was getting weaker every time he took his treatments , He got so weak one night about five or six O ' clock , He fell and I tried every way I could to get him up in a chair but he was too heavy for me , I called our Son John , and he rushed over here , And we was going to take him to the Hospital , But as we went out the door he passed out on us , 44 : 44 | We was scared to death , But I called 911 , and they came within five minutes , and they check him , at first they though he had died , But then they said no , he has a faintly pause . They got him in the Ambulance , and took him to Oakwood Hospital , They told us then that he was dying , but I banish it out of my mind , He stayed there for two weeks and come home and stayed nine days , we had a Hospital bed for him , and a home nurse , coming out to see him , But she came out on a Tuesday of March 2nd , there was a Revival that was suppose to start at the Church that night , He wanted to go so bad , But the Nurse told him he had to go back to the Hospital , He didn 't want too But he didn 't have much choice , cause she called 911 to come and take him . He had Pneumonia , But he told them over at the Hospital , that he wanted to get out as soon as he could , that he was going to Church . They told him no way , he was upset , Bro Jim Cottrell was there with him . | I stayed with him night and day , over there . They got me a chair , that made a bed to sleep on . I had promised him I would , and I was going to keep my word to him At first they told me I couldn 't stay , I said I 'll set here in a chair right beside his bed , no matter what they would do , So that 's when they got me a chair to make a bed with . He had more wrong with him , than he knew , They said his Lungs was eaten up by different things , They thought he had coal dust , cause he worked in the mines , Steel tubing dust , from the tubing company he worked at . they were all black , they showed us the x - rays , of his lungs , He got where he didn 't want anything to eat or drink . He laid that way for a week , and on the eighth day he shut his eyes , They said he was going into a coma , the first two day , if you talked to him . He would nog his head for yes or no But on the 10th they told us , he was dying , 45 : 45 | My world ended that day . Sandy stayed with me that night , and the next morning , I told Sandy if you want to say bye to your Daddy , you had better do it . I had already called our Son John to get over there , I thank he got there in about Five Minutes , Some of the Church people was there with us also . I was holding on to his hand when he took his last breath . He died so peaceful . The Lord didn 't let him suffer at all . Not even the last week he lived . A lot of the Church people came over there on the night before he died , and we sung songs in his room , they told us it was find with them . And I believe he knew it too . Because sometimes he would smile . | That was the worst day of my lift , the day he passed away . He was every thing to me . I some times , can 't get it through to my Heart , that he is gone . Cause I expect him to ask me to get him something to eat or drink . I know he is in a better place , with no pain . But that don 't keep me from missing him . he was a wonderful father to our children , he served the Lord , with his Heart and Soul . He was a wonderful Husband , he was always good to me , I could have looked this world over , and would not have found anyone better . He would not say or do anything to make any one think otherwise . he believed you should live the way you preached it , or stay out of the Pulpit . | I 've seen him stand and take words from other people , and never say a hard word back to them , He would just stand there with tears rolling down his cheeks , He was so Humble , I can remember the first Day I met him . Loved him from the start , He was shy in a way , I guess that 's what I liked about him . We dated for a while , then he got laid off from his Job . He went back to Kentucky , but we kept it touch , by writing to each other . Then he got called back to work , and so he came back . 46 : 46 | We started going out with each other again , Then one night we was out on a date . We was double dating with his brother Bob and a friend of his , and we was setting in the back sear of the car . he said Honey , we have been going out together for almost four years , why don 't we just get Married and stop this . He said will you Marry Me , Well I 'll tell you , I was the most happy girl in the world , I said Yes I will , I couldn 't hardly wait to get home to tell my Mom we was getting married . My Mom always said she liked John , But she said to him that night you know you will be taking my cook , my baby setter , and house cleaner don 't you , Cause she was working the night shift at a bakery , So I had to get my three brothers up for school and fix their breakfast for them , and have dinner on the table , when my Dad came home from work . I did all the house work , But she said since it was Johnny , she would be happy for us . | We went to Angola , Ind and got married . we married on his Mother 's 55th Birthday , He always said if he had it to do over , we would have gotten married a lot sooner . We had aHappy , wonderful marriage . We both got saved in 1956 , so we had the Lord with us almost all of our marriage . My mother loved John , If they went any where together , she would Introduce him as her Son , my brothers and Sister said he was more like a Brother to them , than a Brother - in - law . Him and my Father could set and talk for hours sometimes . | He preached my Dad 's funeral , my Sister 's and my Mother 's . He said the hardest thing he could do was to preach my Mother 's funeral . He would get all choke up and have to stop , with tears rolling down his face . He loved my Mom , They got along so good , When we would go over to her house , whatever he wanted for dinner , my Mom would fix it . When my Mother got sick , Before she dies , She came and stayed with us . 47 : 47 | She wanted John with her all the time . There will never be another Man to fill his shoes . I remember one night after my Mom started to get sick , she still lived by herself at the time , She called us one night , about 10 : 30 and said she wanted to talk with John . I gave him the phone , and all I heard was him saying , " why yes Mom , you know I will . " I said what was the matter , when he hung the phone up . he got his coat , and said I 'll be back in a little while , Mom wants me to get her a Hamburger , and some Asparagus soup from Big Boy . He went and got it , took it over to her house , and set there and fed it to her . It was way after Midnight when he got back home , | But let me back up here and tell you more about John , there 's so much to tell about him , but it 's hard to write it . He never was a man to drink , anything that had alcohol in it . He never said a nasty word , he didn 't gamble , play cards , He tried smoking when he was young , that made him sick so he never pick that up again . He was a good man He would not allow Beer or Alcohol in our house , and I was proud of that . I can remember one time , when our Son Jerry , before he got married , he had been out one night and the next morning , his car was in our side Driveway . John was out there working and saw some beer bottles in it . He came back in the house , went straight to jerry 's room , woke him up and told him to get up and go move his car out of the driveway , with those bottles in it . Cause he didn 't want it there . | He was a good father , My children would tell you that . But he stood for what he believed in . And I backed him up . I couldn 't have married a better Man , No one could take his place . He loved his family , and his Church . His Church family would tell he lived and preached the word of God . 48 : 48 | When he passed away , He was missed by a lot of people , Not only Me , But his Son , Daughter , Son - in - law , Daughter - in - law , Grandchildren , Great Grandchildren , and his Sisters and Brothers , My Brothers Friends , Neighbors , and all of his Church family , Even His Sisters - in laws and Brother - in - laws on both sides . Nieces , and Nephews . I could go on and on , but he will be missed by every one who known him . I miss him so much , at times , I can 't hardly stand it , But I 'm beginning to realize he is in a better place . He won 't have to suffer any more . no pain or nothing will hurt him anymore . I know he 's with the Lord . But he will always be sadly missed by me , and my children . I say my prayers at night with his Picture next to my Heart , Then I give him a big kiss and say Good night to him . . | I loved that Man , and always will Love him . I know I keep going back , but if you Love some one , you want people to know about them . When he had his first Open - Heart Surgery , I took three months off from work to take care of him . And when I went back to work , I worked a couple of more year and then I retired , in December of 1996 , He had a small stroke , and I was afraid to leave him by himself , too long at time , and I was having to take care of my Mother too . Cause I would work eight hours at work , and leave there , and go over to my Mom 's house do he grocery shopping and clean her house . It was getting to be to much on me . So I did what was best and retired . I have never regretting minute that I had to spend with my Mom . or nothing I had to do for her . And I sure don 't regret having to take care of John . I did it with Love , and if I had it to do again . I would feel honored too . Cause I know if the tables was turned , He would have done the same thing , for me . . 49 : 49 | Before I retired John and I put new Kitchen Cabinets in our Kitchen , He made them his self , and I designed them and they are beautiful , If we had to go buy some like he made , They would have cost us thousands of Dollars . He made me a WaterBed for My 50th Birthday , in 1984 , He would work on it at night , after he got home from work , It was a surprise for me , So I wasn 't allowed in his workshop then . So in August My Mom and I went to see my aunt out in California , And while we was out there , he put the Bed to gather in the up stairs bedroom . He carried piece by piece . It 's a big King size bed , with side Book cases and drawers under neath the bed . And a canopy over the top , It 's Beautiful , I wouldn 't take $ 10 , 000 . for it . He made so many things , I couldn 't name all of them . | There 's not a room that you can go into , that he hasn 't made something for it . and this is a big house too . three Bedrooms , Living room , Family room , Kitchen , Bathroom , wash room , and he even built me a pantry . Built a big front porch and built a porch swing to go on it . A Deck on the back . He loved working with wood . He took that after his father . and his Son is following in his foot steps . Another thing he loved was his dogs . he always had him a dog . I remember one day , when I was working at the Hospital , One of the girl that used to work with me , she went on the afternoon shift , so she called me before I left work one day , and told me she had something for me . so I waited on her . She come in with this box , and in it was the smallest little Black French poodle . It was as cute as could be . She said Lucy , Please take it , cause it 's mama wouldn 't feed it . I took it home , It was small enough to fit into my pocket . When I got home John and my son was already at home . So I put the puppy in my pocket , and went into the house . I told John to close his eyes , and hold out his hands , and I would give something . 50 : 50 | Well he did , and I laid the puppy in his hands , he opened his eyes , and he looked like he was going to cry . The first thing he said was " OH , Sugar " so thats what we named her was sugar . She was so sweet , He babied her just like she was his little baby . and so did our Son . We had her for quite a while she had a litter of pups ( three ) and then about two years later she died from a hemorrhage . Then I got him a mini - Dachshund he was just a little thing too . but he followed John every where he went . I don 't care if it was raining or snowing , that little dog followed him . | John loved him so much , he went every where with John , He went on vacation with us , and you didn 't know he was with you , if you didn 't know you took him , Cause he would get up in his seat , and that 's where he stayed . Everyone wanted to pet him , when we stop some where . When he was about Seven years old . John took him for his Check - up at the vet 's He had to have his yearly shot too . So the Nurse that helped the Doctor got him around the neck , and was holding him pretty tight , and John told her she was hurting him . She said I know what I 'm doing , I want let him bite me this way . John told her he would not bite anyone . All at once he yelp out real loud . and she let go , saying I didn 't do any thing . | John came back home with him , and we could tell , there was something wrong with him . Cause he didn 't want to eat or he didn 't want anyone to pick him up . So the next day we was setting on the front porch and he was laying out there . and someone walked across the porch . and he started crying so bad . the vibration from walking was hurting him . John took him back to the vet . And told him that his nurse had hurt him someway . He kept saying no , no , but offer to take care of him for no cost . John knew then that they was some thing wrong , so he took him to another vet to have him check out . And that vet told him that his neck was almost broke , . 51 : 51 | So John went back to the first vet , and told him . and they said we want charge you nothing for taking care of him , he was afraid we was going to sue him . Which we should have , but didn 't . But he got so bad , he wouldn 't eat , or couldn 't stand for anyone to walk closed to him . So we had to have him Put to sleep , they didn 't even charge for that . When John took him up there , A friend of his went with him , Mr . Kirk , They were both crying when they came back home . Mr . Kirk was driving and John had Peanut wrap up in his Blanket , He had made a Casket for him and lined it , just like a little casket , He laid him in it and placed his favorite toy with him and buried him out in our back yard . They had a little service for him . He died the summer before John had his first Heart Surgery . | I didn 't want to get him any more little dogs , cause seem like every time , he got so attached to them something would happen to them . Then he had his first surgery , and I took time off , from work for three months to be with him . When I had to go back to work , I met his Doctor in the hall - way one day , and he ask me how John . I told him he wasn 't doing too good , that he was lonesome , having to stay by himself all day . He said get him a small dog to have with him of the day . I told him I hadn 't planned on getting another dog , cause I was afraid something might happen to it . He said Lucy get him a dog , So when I got home I ask John , If he would like to have a dog to keep him company . | At first he said No , then a couple of days later he was looking through the paper . and saw where someone wanted to give a small Mini Pincher away . So we went to look at it , She was real cute , she was seventeen months old . The lady was so glad that we was going to take her , She said her husband was mean to the dog . He would kick her , and that the dog would probably be afraid of men . 52 : John was driving , so the dog sat in my lap all the way home , she didn 't weight much , she looked just like a big Doberman Pincher . but a lot smaller . When we got home , I carried her in the house . And just as soon as I set her down , she went right over to John . as if she always knew him . I thank she knew he was a good man , and wouldn 't hurt her . He loved her , and she loved him . We called her Meka . We had her till they had that problem with the dog food . She got real sick one day , couldn 't walk or even stand up . The vet said she must have gotten some of that dog food . She lived about two or three weeks after that and die . That hurt John so bad . He said I don 't want another dog . Our Daughter - in - Law got him a dog a few months , before he passed away , But he was so playful and he would run and jump in John 's lap , and when John would be walking through the house . the dog wanted to play and he would run and jump at John and almost knock him down . So I had to give him back to them , cause I was afraid he would hurt John . They still have him . | I could go on and on writing about him . But it hurts to write or talk about him , cause he is missed so bad . There a lot of things that happen , where he got so hurt , that he would come home and just set and cry . People would say or do some thing . and he wouldn 't do nothing back to them . He always said the Lord will take care of it . | Every time I look at his Picture , I can 't do nothing but cry . But I know if I live good , and stay in the Lord 's will , I will get to see him again some day . The Lord has been right by my side . He helps me to get through it . | 52 53 : His sister Pauline was so sick for almost two years . And we was expecting her to die , and John would always tell me , . He wanted to go down there if any thing happen to his sister . I don 't know how he would have made the trip , but I would have gotten him there someway . John would call her every Saturday around ( 9 ) nine O ' clock on Saturday morning , Pauline told all her family not to call at that time , cause that was when John called her . They would talk a while and sing a while . They would start singing and the next thing you heard was them crying and John would start preaching and Pauline said she would get so happy , that she couldn 't hardly set still . When we went down south , we always went and stayed with her . She had Cancer , but she was a fighter , But when John died , I thank she knew it . She would ask her Daughters if they had heard from John , and they would tell her No . Then when he passed away , they had to tell her . When they told her . She said I felt it already . Then two months later she passed away . They always said which ever one passed first , the other one would wait for them at the gate . | Then seven months after he passed away , My sister - in - law Phyllis died , she was my Brother 's wife . Everyone always said they come in three 's . There might be something to that , cause My father died in May of 1990 . seven months later our son Jerry died and three months later my sister Dorothy died . That was within nine months I lost three out of my family . | 53 54 : 54 | You know I can remember , a funny thing that happen to John once , He was on his Riding Lawn mower . and he was out in the back behind the garage , in the wooded place , trying to get some of it clean up . and it was an older lawn mower . and he was having trouble getting it in gear . He kept messing with it and pushed down on the gas pedal , thinking it was the brake . That thing took off and he hit a tree , and he almost climb that tree , with that mower . He had a time getting off of it too . I couldn 't help it , But I laughed so hard , my sides hurt . . | Another time was when Him , and Larry Asher was helping him , they were building the room upstairs . I was at work . It started off a beautiful sunny day , But after they took the roof off the house , it started raining , They tried their best to get the tarps over the house in time . But the rain was the winner , My son John T , met me at the end of the street and said Mom If I was you I wouldn 't go home , well I came home . And my Kitchen was flooded and the rain water was coming down the steps , like a water fall . It was a mess . But we got it cleaned up and the room turned out Beautiful . . . . . . | I called one of his Sister 's today , and she was telling about a time when they were small . She was about three years old , and John was about Seven , and they had a dog , that got bite up by some more dogs . and she was afraid of it , cause he look so bad with bite places all over him , She said that John got that dog to start chasing her around the house . cause he knew she was afraid of it . . | He told me one time that he went to Church with his Mom and Dad , and that Church lasted so long . That he laid down on one of those rough benches , and fell asleep . and roll off in the floor . 55 : 55 | He told me , that before he met me , That he went out with a girl one night , and the car wouldn 't start , when they started home . And they had to stay in it all night . He said . He said " Honey I 'm telling you the truth , nothing happen , " His Dad was about to get him too . and the girl 's father even come and talk with him . He said I never when out with her again . . | I said to him , But you only went out with her once , But I got you for a lifetime . he just smile and said , that right . We had a good Marriage , I could have looked the world over , a dozen times , and never found another Man I could Love more than I loved John . He was kind , If I saw something I wanted , like shoes , skirts , Dresses , or any thing for the house , He would say , Go ahead and get it if you want it . | John like to go camping , we used to take the kids when they were small . They enjoyed it so much , Then after they grow up we went a few times by our selves , Then we went with Liz and Richard three or four times and then Don and Ann went with us a few times . We always had a good time when we would set around the fire at night and sing , John took his Guitar and so did Richard and Don . When we started singing , in a little while they would be a crowd of people gathered around . We always sung hymns , and seem like they like that . | I remember one time John and myself , we went camping down in Spencer Tennessee , at the Fall Creek State Park , The road was so crooked and going up a hill , we almost didn 't make one of the curve , but we got there . And one time we went down and only took our van , and we spent a week there camping out of our van , and one afternoon after we had eaten . we got the Guitar out and started singing , in a few minutes two men came up with their wives and wanted to know if they could join us , 56 : 56 | John said , you can , but only if you play Christian Music . They said that what we play . it started getting dark . and they were a big crown there . And John started preaching to them , and the Park Rangers drove up and got out , we thought we was in trouble . John ask them , if we should stop , and they said No , We came to enjoy the Music . And there was a woman came up to me , and said my Sister goes to a Holiness Church in FlatRock Mich . we ask what was her name , and she said Janice Johnson . We said , yes we knew her , it our Church she comes too . Loretta was the sister that was there . . | We have been to a lot of places , We have camped up in the upper part of Mich across the bridge , in East . Tawas , South Higgins , BayCity , BayView , Irish hills , Gaylord . Even went down in Chattanooga , We enjoyed getting out , John like to camp close to the water , and we would look for pretty rocks . I thank it was about 1997 or 98 , that we stop going camping , it got too much for John . He said he missed it too . | I could go on and on , telling you about John , The things he done , the things he said , and how wonderful he was , But I guess I will leave some space for my two Children to write about their Dad , They loved him too . So now I 'll let them do what they want to do , I 'll just say John I love you Honey and miss you more as the days goes by . But one day I will meet you over there in that beautiful Land . Bye , Bye . All my Love . xoxox . 58 : 58 | There 's one thing , I want to do , before I finish , John Loved this song , And seems like where ever he went the people wanted him to sing it . He said it always reminded him of his self , when he was growing up , And when he lost loved ones , I love the song my self , But every time I try to sing it , I get all chocked up . I guess it 's because I sung it with him . I even tried to help them sing it at his Funeral , But I didn 't make it though it . I hope people won 't think I 'm crazy for doing this , But my Daughter Sandy is the one who said , " Mom , You should write that song that Dad like to sing all the time . " . So I said , Yes I will because I know he would have like that , I could write a lot of songs , he liked , But I don 't think there would be any of them , That he would like better then this unless it was " Amazing Grace " He always like that song too . But for some reason , I believe this was one of his favorite one . . 59 : " Time Has Made A Change In Me " Time has made a change , since my childhood days , Many of my friends have gone away , Some I 'll nevermore , in this life shall see , For , Time has made a change in me . Chorus Time has made a change , in the old home place , Time has made a change , in each smiling face . And I know my friends , can plainly see , That , Time has made a change in me . Chorus In my childhood days , I was young and strong , I could climb the hill sides , all the day long . But , I 'm not today what I used to be , For , Time has made a change in me . Chorus When I reach my home , on the other shore , Meet the many friends , that have gone before , Free from pain and care , I shall ever be , For , Time has made a change in me . Chorus Oh , Time has made a change , in the old home place , Time has made a change , in each smiling face . A I know my friends , can plainly see , That , Time has made a change in me . | 59 | " It sure has made a change , This home will never be the same , Since you have went to Live with the Lord . I can hear every little noise it makes , I Love you baby " . 60 : " PEACE WONDERFUL PEACE " | Far away in the depth of my Spirit tonight , Rolls a melody sweeter than psalm . In celestial like strains it unceasingly falls , Over my soul like an infinite calm . CHORUS Peace ! Peace ! wonderful peace , Coming down from the Father above . Sweep over my Spirit forever I pray , In fathomless billows of love . What a treasure I have in this wonderful peace , Buried deep on the heart of my soul . So secure that no power can mine it away , While the years of eternity roll . I am resting tonight in this wonderful peace , Resting sweetly in Jesus ' control . For I 'm kept from all danger by night and by day . And His glory is flooding my soul . Ah ! Souls are you here without comfort and rest , Marching down the rough pathway of time . Make Jesus your friend before the shadows grow dark . Oh , accept this sweet peace so sublime . James 3 : 18 - - And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace . | 60 61 : In Loving Memory of my Father | My fondest memories of my Dad was that he was always there for us kids . I can remember as far back when we went to church on Michigan Ave . , and my older brother Jerry and I would be in church " cutting up " and all Daddy would have to do was ' snap ' his fingers and give us the " look " and we knew he meant business . If we kept on , well . . . we were in for a switching when we got home from church . I can remember coming home one Sunday evening from church and heading right to my bedroom and getting under the covers thinking I was safe from the switching , but Daddy kept his word and I got it anyways . You may say this was a cruel thing to do , but that 's how it was in those days . Today , kids will turn their parents in to the police . But let me tell you , I am a better Woman , Mother , Wife and now a Grandmother for the way I was raised . I had the utmost respect for my Dad and Mom . I have been blessed to have been raised in a Christian Home . Not many can say that . Dad was a caring , gentle man who not only cared about his family and church and friends , but cared about the " four - legged " creatures as well . Dad always had a pet , dogs mostly . One day when I was at my home , I happened to look out the kitchen window and saw this stray dog in the backyard . The dog was in trouble . He apparently got his whole nose caught in a plastic container and wasn 't able to breathe . I panicked and called Dad and he dropped everything he was doing to drive over to my house and help get this off this dog 's nose . The dog was so happy to be set free . I was relieved also . Dad was our lifeline person to call when any of us needed a prayer request . He would immediately go to the Lord in prayer and petition our needs . If anyone could reach Heaven , it was Dad . I could go on and on telling you all the things Dad was , but everyone reading this book or knew Daddy personally will know that he was well loved , well liked and a man of his word . Some recipients of God 's Grace ; Noah " found grace in the eyes of the Lord " ( Gen . 6 : 8 ) . J62 : To my Daughter Sandra , Honey I read what you wrote to your Daddy , I am so proud of you , I know how hard it was for you to write what you did , But you know your Dad was right there with you while you was writing it . I know he always loved you kids , he might have gave you a little whipping now and then , but I believe , it made you love him more . | If he had not corrected you then , it is no telling how you would have turned out , But just look at you today , you are the best , with a fine up standing Husband , and Children to be proud of . . Dad love everyone of you kids , When he knew you are John was coming over , He would set in his Recliner , and watch for you , Seems like he couldn 't wait for you or John to get there . | If anyone ever ask him about his Kids , Oh , He would start telling them what good children we had , and what you all done , where you worked , and how many children you both had . . He loved his Grand Children , also I know we didn 't show it with Money are presents , But we Love them , just as much , as we could , I hope that each one of them knows that . We didn 't have a lot of money , like some people did , But believe me , They couldn 't of love you or John any more than we did . | If Daddy , could talk to you right , I believe he would say , " Three 's my little girl I Love you Honey " He 's watching down upon you right now , and one day you will get to see him again . Just keep on serving the Lord , and you will get to walk along beside him once again . I Love you Baby , Remember that as long as you live , I 'll be here for you . Love you baby . . . and Thank you . 63 : Dad to me was everything from the time I was a little boy , until today and as long as I live . He taught me so much about many different things that I will never forget . I can remember when he would work in his garage on a project and I wanted to help but was too little to run a saw or any other tool so he would give me a broom and say sweep the floor boy so I did and felt good that I was helping . As I got a little older he would show me how to use different tools and such , and I still would sweep the floor . I was with him one night working on something and he thought it would be funny to have me set a trap and not be able to let go of it without it snapping my fingers , he eventually helped me but he laughed so hard his stomach ached . There 's so much more I could tell about him I probably would fill this book , but the most I remember is how great a Dad he was , and if I lived my life over I 'd want him again and again to raise me . His strong faith and walk with God made him the man he was and will continue to be in my life , and the many , many others he touched , I love you Dad and will always treasure the memories you gave me . | That 's My Dad , I Love You 72 : 72 | This is me and John with our first child , And down below , He was setting on his new car in front of where we lived . On the other page is a picture of John & Bob , And in the far corner , is Charlie & John . And down below is a picture of John & George , And One of John , His Mom , brothers , Bob & Clandus , & sister Jean , this was right after his Father died . 77 : 74 | 77 | I Just want to say Beside my Children , and Grand Children , and the friends at the Meeting I attend once a week . these three couples have been a life line for me , They made not know it . But if it wasn 't for them sometimes , I thank I would have went completed out of my mind . I love you all May God Bless each and everyone one of you , You were there when I needed you the most . Peggy would call me sometimes , when I was having a bad time , She didn 't know it , But she would say things , that help me , Bonnie called me just about every day and talk to me and some of the things , she would say , would lift me up . and Jim , Dear old Jim , you have been a life line to me , In so many ways , I couldn 't name them . and dear Jonas . You are a sweetheart . you knew just what to say all the time . Love you all , I loved to tall with you on the phone , And Bro & Sis Long , you are really and truly a friend . All I can say to you all is , I Love you all of you , and may God shower each of you with his Blessing . . . . . . Lucy 93 : I Do Not Go Alone | If Death should beckon me , with outstretched hand . And whisper softly of " An unknown Land " I shall not be afraid to go , For though the path I do not know . . . . . . | I take Death 's Hand without a fear , For He who safely brought me here , Will also take me safely back , And though in many things I lack . . . . | He will not let me go alone , Into the " Valley That 's Unknown " , So I reach out and take Death 's hand And journey to the " Promised Land " , | 93 95 : 95 | Darling I miss you so much , All I can do is set and cry , It 's been nine months , But it seems like it was yesterday , that I looked at you for the last time . I keep your picture in every Room of the house , except the restroom . and the pantry or the wash room . If they didn 't look out of place I would put them in there . I might just do that too . I love you baby . with all my heart , , there will never be another to take your place . you were the best , No one could ever replace you . |
I had good intentions , but I guess I ran out of steam . And as far as excuses go , I got sick , and I fell . Twice . I guess the " sick " part was just a bad cold , but I stayed home from work two days ( worked from home , though ) , and I still have a lingering cough that I 'm trying to get rid of . Tuesday morning I fell in the parking lot at work , slipped on the ice and fell to my knees , caught myself with the palm of my right hand , and then actually hit my face on the ground ! I don 't think I 've ever done that before . My knee is bruised , my hand is bruised , my LIP is bruised , and I have a little scrape on my cheek . It took me awhile to stop shaking from that one , but I didn 't tear my clothes or get especially dirty or anything , and I didn 't chip a tooth or break my nose or any other bones , so I considered myself lucky . And then , to add insult to injury , when I was getting the mail at home that same night , I slipped AGAIN , and this time fell on my butt . The ice I fell on that time was melting ice , so I also got soaked . And caught myself with my left hand this time , so I bruised that palm , too . The good part was , though , that my boss had told us that if we didn 't have any deadlines pressing , and didn 't have any particular reason to come in , that we could work from home , or just take the day off . We had originally planned to work a half day anyway . So I took the day off and spent it wrapping gifts and making party mix to give to my dad and brother , and Bob 's dad , as part of their Christmas gifts . The one thing that I did stick to pretty well was my " handcrafted Christmas , " i . e . , giving people things that were consumable , such as soap and food , and not a lot else . Normally when I make stuff for Christmas gifts , I start worrying and feeling guilty , and end up buying things anyway , but this year , I really didn 't . Everyone got soap - - the girls ( mothers , sisters , aunts , nieces ) got soap , candles and tea , and the guys ( fathers , brothers ) got soap and party mix . Boyfriends got Starbucks gift sets with coffee cups and cookies . Okay , so I 've fallen behind on the Advent Calendar . But I have one more giveaway to do , so don 't give up . Later today I 'll update the calendar and bring it up to date for the last few days before Christmas . Using my highly scientific method of choosing a winner , I wrote everyone 's name down on a notepad , cut them out individually , folded them up , put them in my Christmas candy dish , closed my eyes , held the bowl over my head so I couldn 't cheat , and picked one . The winner was Monique ! After Christmas , when things settle down a little , I think I 'll put some of my handmade soap up in my Etsy shop , so if you didn 't win ( that would be everyone except Monique ) , and would like to try it , you 'll have another chance . Week Two . Click the thumbnail above to go to the Advent Calendar page . Once there , click on the number corresponding to the day of the month . Some of the days will have details on little contests or drawings , so check each day for a special note . Week Two . Click the thumbnail above to go to the Advent Calendar page . Once there , click on the number corresponding to the day of the month . Some of the days will have details on little contests or drawings , so check each day for a special note . I 'm home sick today . Several people at work have been sick , and Bob had a cold last week , and I finally got it . Yesterday wasn 't too bad , but this morning I 'm coughing , so I decided to stay home . Bob is off today , so he went out to McDonald 's and got me breakfast , then left to go look for a Christmas tree . When I went to the ATM last night to get some cash , it was either broken or turned off or something - - there was an orange traffic cone in the lane - - so this morning I gave him all the cash I had - - $ 50 , and hope he can get a tree for that . In my quest for a hand - crafted Christmas , I made a TON of soap this weekend . Well , not literally a ton , but a lot . I made : Oatmeal ( oatmeal , apricot seed and honey ) ; Oatmeal Spice ( oatmeal , nutmeg , cinnamon and honey ) ; Green Tea ; Sandalwood Vanilla , and Chai Tea . I still need to make Peppermint , Cucumber Melon , and Orange Spice . Last night I wrapped a lot of bars , and I bought flat metal tins to package them in . I like making soap , it 's a lot of fun . I dread starting it , because it 's kind of messy and takes up a lot of room , but once I get into it , I really enjoy it . Saturday night Bob drew a name for the " Murder with all the Trimmings " gift , and Sharon won ! I mailed the book out yesterday , along with a bunch of Christmas cards and a few CDs . They 'll all go out in several batches , so if you don 't have one yet , it should be on its way soon . I 'm cutting off the CD offer , but if you want a Christmas card and aren 't on my regular list , or haven 't let me know this year , please do . Week Two . Click the thumbnail above to go to the Advent Calendar page . Once there , click on the number corresponding to the day of the month . Some of the days will have details on little contests or drawings , so check each day for a special note . I spent my evening last night making prayer beads , and photographed them this morning and put them up in my Etsy shop . I haven 't really done any jewelry making since before I had the surgery on my hand . I 've really wanted to get back into it , but I 've been so busy lately that it 's been hard to find the time . It was really too late last night , but it felt nice to get out the boxes of beads and findings and actually make something . Someone pointed out that in the Advent Calendar for Day 11 , I asked for your " mailing list , " but I really meant " mailing address . " Sorry about that . Fixed now ! Check the Advent calendar for this week . Last week 's is still up , also . Click the thumbnail above to go to the Advent Calendar page . Once there , click on the number corresponding to the day of the month . Some of the days will have details on little contests or drawings , so check each day for a special note . Check the Advent calendar for this week . Last week 's is still up , also . Click the thumbnail above to go to the Advent Calendar page . Once there , click on the number corresponding to the day of the month . Some of the days will have details on little contests or drawings , so check each day for a special note . After we ate , we filled up little containers and took dinner over to the store to his boss , which was fun . They 've really gone all out with the Christmas decorations ; I took a few pictures while Bob was talking to people . There are a few more on the Moblog . There 's a new Advent calendar this week , but if you missed last week 's , it 's still here . Click the thumbnail above to go to the Advent Calendar page . Once there , click on the number corresponding to the day of the month . Some of the days will have details on little contests or drawings , so check each day for a special note . We went to Bob 's Christmas party last night , and Bob was named Associate of the Year ! They choose an Associate of the Month each month , then at the end of the year one of those twelve is named Associate of the Year . This year was different in that they held a vote among all of the employees to choose who would be honored . Bob was extremely surprised . The party was very nice . They had the food catered ; it was appetizers - - fresh vegetables and dip , boiled shrimp , potato skins - - those were the things that I had , but there were other things also , some kind of chicken or beef on skewers , barbequed chicken drumsticks , just lots of interesting things . The employees all brought desserts , so there were LOADS of wonderful things . I made cheesecake brownies . There 's a new Advent calendar this week , but if you missed last week 's , it 's still here . Click the thumbnail above to go to the Advent Calendar page . Once there , click on the number corresponding to the day of the month . Some of the days will have details on little contests or drawings , so check each day for a special note . This year I 've been thinking about gifts that are " consumable , " i . e . , that get used up , or re - used . A couple of years ago I made homemade soap ; last year I knitted quite a few scarves . I 've always tried to make a least some of my Christmas gifts . It 's hard , working full time and doing that . Of course , I could have started months ago , but I 'm never very good at doing that . I remember several years running when I tried to at least make something for my parents ; there 's a crocheted wreath that my mom brings out every year , and a big plaster candle holder that I painted for her . Of course , years after the fact I 'm a little embarrassed by those homemade things , but I know that , just like when I made an ashtray in kindergarten , my parents would love anything that I made , no matter how clumsily . When I got my hair cut on Saturday , my hairdresser suggested a book of family recipes , and that would be a really good idea . I 'm sure that my sisters would appreciate it . I 'm going to think about that . I probably won 't do it this year , but it 's a good idea . The Advent calendar has been updated ! Click the thumbnail above to go to the Advent Calendar page . Once there , click on the number corresponding to the day of the month . Some of the days will have details on little contests or drawings , so check each day for a special note . I heard on the local news yesterday morning that two people had been robbed at gunpoint after arranging to meet someone to purchase iPhones that had been offered on Craigslist . Two things that made me think of - - my sister bought something from someone on Craigslist over the Thanksgiving weekend , and we were talking about it , and I asked her how she was going to get it . She said she was meeting the woman at a parking lot somewhere - - I can 't remember where , but a public place , which I thought made sense . Now I 'm wondering if even that 's safe . Well , in the first place , the shipping charge is not just for the shipping part , it 's also supposed to cover " handling , " i . e . , the cost for the packaging and my time in preparing it . Not that it 's a big deal , but that nickel - and - diming thing is always a little irritating . Also , the reason I love things like eBay is that I can be my normal antisocial self and don 't actually have to interact with people , sad as it may be to say . It didn 't really occur to me until later that , while I 'm sure everything would have been fine , it could have been a scam , or a ploy - - buy something cheap on eBay , then rob the person who shows up to deliver it , or , I guess more likely , rob the person when you show up at their house and they let you in . I 'm glad I didn 't agree to it , in any event , and will keep it in mind in the future . It 's too bad , but that 's the world we live in . Be sure to check out the Advent calendar . Click the thumbnail above to go to the Advent Calendar page . Once there , click on the number corresponding to the day of the month . Some of the days will have details on little contests or drawings , so check each day for a special note . Getting into the Christmas spirit doesn 't have to be expensive . And I don 't mean stuff like using last year 's Christmas cards to decoupage an old tray or something , or stick cloves into oranges and hang them on your Christmas tree . I mean just doing the things that you normally do , but giving some thought to making them special , or just doing little things that help get you into the holiday mood . I was thinking about that tonight as I was driving home listening to the all - Christmas music radio station Kansas City 's Star 102 ) . Radio is free , and you hear a lot of great Christmas music without having to buy it . And as I was getting that link , I see that you can actually listen to the station online through a browser . They play a good mix of old familiar songs and a few new ones ; it seems like I always hear a couple of songs that I 've never heard before . We don 't take the newspaper anymore , but you don 't have to buy TV Guide to find out what 's on television , you can access TV Guide online . I 've been looking for Christmas movies , hoping to catch some old favorites that I don 't have on DVD . I watched " Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer " tonight ; I hadn 't seen it in awhile , and now I 'm really glad I didn 't actually buy it - - it doesn 't hold up very well . Of course , if you have favorite Christmas movies , you can always rent them rather than buying them ; I do buy my favorites , but DVDs aren 't terribly expensive anymore . And you can even rent them from iTunes , usually for $ 2 . 99 . And during the holidays , iTunes gives away a couple of holiday songs for free each week , you just have to remember to go get them . Amazon also usually has a few free MP3s to download ; right now they have a free 5 song holiday sampler that isn 't bad at all . Another good thing about iTunes or Amazon MP3s is that you can buy just one song , if that 's all you want from an album , rather than buying the entire album . They 's usually just 99 cents , and that solves the problem of what to do when you really , really want just one song , but can 't bring yourself to buy the whole album . And those Christmas - patterned paper towels and paper napkins ? I buy that stuff anyway , and the holiday - themed ones don 't cost any more , so why not get them ? And the same thing for liquid hand soap , bubble bath , or any kind of personal care product like that - - as long as you 're going to buy it anyway , buy a special holiday version . I know it always makes me feel better . I took a bath tonight in Bath & Body Works ' Wickedly Hot Chocolate bubble bath , one of my favorite things in the world . Of course , they don 't carry it anymore . . . The same goes for the cranberry gingerale I bought over the weekend - - I buy it as a special treat , but I 'd be getting soda anyway , so it makes sense ( at least to me ) to buy something a little different that only appears in stores over Christmas . Of course , that doesn 't extend to those weird Jones Soda flavors like turkey and gravy . [ Shudder . ] Be sure to check out the Advent calendar . Click the thumbnail above to go to the Advent Calendar page . Once there , click on the number corresponding to the day of the month . Some of the days will have details on little contests or drawings , so check each day for a special note . I 'm having this struggle with what I carry back and forth to work . ( Bob will laugh at this ! ) I 've got a laptop for work now , which I carry home and back to work so I can work at home if I need to . It 's really working out very well . Before , if I had a document that I thought I might need , I 'd either email it to myself , put it on a thumbdrive , put it on my iDisk , etc . If I remembered . If I didn 't , I was out of luck . So while I 'd been avoiding it - - I liked my iMac at work with the big screen - - when Cello offered to buy me a laptop , I took the offer . Well , what he actually did was buy himself a new laptop and give me his old one , but that was fine . He 's such an early adopter that his old stuff is never very old . Before I had the laptop , I was carrying my big Franklin Planner - - big and heavy , but it wasn 't any big deal until I started carrying the laptop , too . I carried them both for awhile , then decided to leave the planner at work since I hardly ever opened it up at home . But there are notes in there that I sometimes need , so it 's been an ongoing dilemma . This morning I had a meeting out of the office , but I was planning on going to the office first because I was riding with someone else . Then this morning , I had a voice mail that I needed to drive myself and meet there , which was fine - - I would just go directly to the meeting place , I had plenty of time . But then I realized that I 'd left my planner in the office , so I had to go to the office first , go upstairs and grab it , then hurry over to the meeting place . I got there , and it was fine , but the traffic was bad , and I 'd never driven there by myself and wasn 't exactly sure where it was , so I was anxious . And I still don 't know what to do . Because after I stopped carrying the big work planner , I bought a small , compact size one for personal stuff , and I 'd been carrying that . So now I feel like I should theoretically carry the laptop , the classic planner and the compact planner , so I 'm even worse off now than I was before . Be sure to check out the Advent calendar . Click the thumbnail above to go to the Advent Calendar page . Once there , click on the number corresponding to the day of the month . Some of the days will have details on little contests or drawings , so check each day for a special note . I bought the gingerale tonight when I stopped at the store for a few groceries . I made Bob macaroni and cheese with ham and broccoli , something I used to make for him a long time ago . He doesn 't get home until after 10 : 30 tonight , but he 'll be happily surprised to get a hot meal . I had this idea for an Advent calendar , and I 've been struggling with it tonight , and finally decided that I wouldn 't do the whole month for now , just the first week . I mean , who says an Advent calendar has to be done all at once ? This will be Part I : Click the thumbnail above to go to the Advent Calendar page . Once there , click on the number corresponding to the day of the month . Some of the days will have details on little contests or drawings , so check each day for a special note . It 's been a rough year . It 's been an especially rough month . It 's been kind of difficult to get into any kind of holiday spirit . That 's not to say that there haven 't been bright spots , and things to be thankful for , because of course there have . We had a nice dinner with Bob 's family on Saturday night - - turkey and dressing and mashed potatoes ( that I peeled and boiled , but neglected to start early enough , so they were a little lumpy ) and gravy ( that Bob made ) . We had a dinner on Thanksgiving day at my brother 's house - - my brother and sister - in - law and niece and nephew , me , our parents , my sister and her boyfriend and my niece and her boyfriend . Bob had to work - - he worked 1 - 7 : 30 on Thanksgiving day , and 5 : 00 a . m . to 3 on Friday , and he just left for work . Today he works 2 - 10 : 30 . But , of course , we 're thankful that we both have jobs ! My sister - in - law goes all out as far as decorating for Christmas ; she had a lot of things already out , but she said she hadn 't yet taken the pictures off the walls and wrapped them up like presents and put them back up . I don 't intend to do that , but I decided that this year I 'm going to go all out , too . I 'm going to do my best to make this a really special Christmas . The last couple of years I 've kind of slacked off on it , not made any particular effort , but this year I 'm going to . I 'm going to send out Christmas cards early , not make it into a last - minute chore like I have the past few years . I 'm going to make an effort to watch my favorite Christmas movies , and the ones I don 't have on DVD , I 'm going to find out when they 're on television so I don 't miss them ( and I 'm going to buy a TV Guide ) . I put up a wreath outside the front door this morning , and one on the downstairs bathroom door , and as soon as Bob goes to work I 'm going to go to the basement and bring up more Christmas decorations . I might put the stockings up on the fireplace , too . I cooked a big breakfast this morning - - bacon and eggs and fried potatoes - - and while I 'm not sure if I 'll be able to sustain this one , I 'm going to try to cook more . I might even bake cookies if I get really ambitious . I 'm making a list of things that I 'd like to do this month , and " bake cookies " will be on it . I 've been looking through iTunes to see if there 's any Christmas music that I don 't have ( Los Lonely Boys has a new Christmas CD out , I see ) , and I 'm always on the lookout for Christmas movies . I bought " Die Hard " yesterday at WalMart for $ 5 . 00 ; I 'd been wanting a copy of it for awhile , but it 's one of those that I find a little hard to justify , but not for $ 5 . 00 . I had lunch at Panera Bread yesterday and had a wonderful chai tea latte , which felt kind of festive , a little bit extravagant , and Bob and I met for dinner at On the Border for a belated birthday dinner for me . Christmas mugs . I bought a new one from Stash Tea this year , it was on clearance . It 's red and has a reindeer on it . I 'll take a picture of it when I get back to work on Monday . We 've spent the last few days getting the office spruced up for our open house on Friday evening , and I 've been finishing up decorating my office . I had a windowpane mirror that I bought a few months ago but had never hung , and Kurt hung that for me last night . I 'm in the kitchen , and the cabinets are painted white , so my theme has been white and cream . The mirror frame is white , I have a little off - white cabinet , a white painted wooden birdhouse , pale green candles , crystals , seashells . And plants ! The wife of one of the guys who works here runs a college greenhouse , and she brought me a hanging Wandering Jew plant this afternoon , which is hanging from the heat register . The ceilings here are high , and I was standing there holding the plant , trying to figure out what I was going to do with it . I figured if all else failed I could just sit it on a filing cabinet or something , but Aaron came in , stood up on the chair , and hung it from the register . It works pretty well there , actually . I also repotted a plant that I 've had on my desk for awhile . It 's a mixture of several different kinds of plants ; Bob brought it home from the funeral of one of his friends ' mothers , and I brought it in , thinking it probably wouldn 't live very long . But it has , so I got a new pot last weekend and potted it today . It looks pretty good . I really like the energy that plants bring to a space , and I used to have a lot of plants at home . I 've always voted Democratic , and I remember most of the presidential elections , watching and hoping that the Democratic candidate be elected , but most of them weren 't terribly important to me . The first election that I really felt " belonged " to me was Clinton / Gore . I felt at that time that I might actually volunteer for the campaign , but I didn 't , of course . This election felt like that , too . I 'm so happy , and hopeful for the future . I honestly didn 't think it could happen , I thought that when the time came , we 'd end up electing another old white man as president . During the convention , when the decision was being made as to whether Obama or Hilary Clinton would be the candidate , I wondered whether it could happen - - could the U . S . elect a black man , or a woman president ? I had hopes , I just wasn 't confident that it could happen . It 's hard to believe it 's the first day of November . I 'm not sure how warm it got today , but warm enough that I turned on the air conditioner in the car for awhile this afternoon when I got back into it after shopping . It 's supposed to stay nice for a few days , I think . I 'll take it as long as I can get it . We 're sprucing up the office a little bit for an open house we 're having next weekend . There is a all - female law firm that has offices on one of our floors , and the main lawyer is a plant person . The offices are filled with plants . I went over to talk to her about doing a website for her a few weeks ago , and I was amazed at the plants , and a little jealous . It made me think about getting plants for my office , but I hadn 't done it . I had mentioned to a couple of people that I was thinking about getting plants , and then one day last week she ( the lawyer ) came over and asked me if I would like to have a ficus for my office . Anna had mentioned my wish for a plant to her , and she had a big ficus that she didn 't have a place for . I think she had brought it from her home , where it had been outside , and it needed a place to winter . So she loaned it to me , and I love it . And just having that plant there made me want to get more , so I went to the nursery today . I 'm always looking for a good deal , so I checked out the " scratch and dent " table where they have plants marked down . There were a couple of really pretty ficus trees - - not as big as the one in my office , but really pretty . They had had their trunks trained into curves , and they were $ 9 . 99 , marked down from $ 34 . 99 . I 'm not sure why , really . They were a little bare of leaves , but not too bad . So I bought one of them , and I also bought a diffenbachia which really doesn 't look bad at all . One of the greenhouse workers came by and said that it was a little sunburned , and that it had also gotten a bit waterlogged the last big rain we had , and they don 't like to have their feet wet . So it wasn 't perfect , but I 'm sure it will be fine with a little time and attention . It was $ 9 . 99 also , marked down from $ 29 . 99 . I was a little concerned about getting the ficus into the car - - it 's probably about 5 feet tall , although I don 't remember exactly . I put the front passenger seat down as far as it would go , and leaned the plant down on the seat , and it just barely fit , with just a few leaves peeking out of the sunroof . I spent a long time looking around in the greenhouse , then spent an equally long time in the bookstore , went to the library to return books and renew my library card , had lunch ( a big salad and a bowl of bean soup ) at Sweet Tomatoes , and went to Bed , Bath & Beyond to pick up reed diffusers for the bathrooms at work ( and a little one for my desk ) . It was a really good day . Then as I was heading to the grocery store , my last stop of the day , Bob called . He asked me where I was , and I said I was just turning into the grocery store parking lot . He said , " What 's that tree in your car ? You have a tree in your car ! " I said , " Where are you ? ? " and he wouldn 't tell me . I said , are you going to go to the store with me ? And he said he might . " But tell me about the tree ! " he said . I said , " I 'll tell you about it when I see you . " So I pulled into the parking lot , and I saw his van , but I didn 't see him . I parked next to his van and walked up to the store , looking all around , and didn 't see him anywhere . When I got to the door , he stepped out of a corner where he 'd been hiding . Silly boy . I told him about the tree , and we grocery shopped together , then he left and went home while I stood in line to pay . When I got home I made " hobo dinners , " an old Girl Scout recipe - - a pie pan filled with sliced potatoes , onions , and a hamburger pattie on top , salt and pepper and a few dabs of margarine , then covered with aluminum foil and baked at 400 ° for an hour . And now I 'm sitting in my chair with my new - to - me laptop - - my boss ' old ( not really old , though ) MacBook Pro . He got a new one and handed his previous one down to me so that I can be mobile . It 's been difficult lately , with the work I 'm doing , to stay synced up between home and office . I 've been emailing stuff to myself , or saving things on a thumb drive , but envariably I forget something . So he asked me if I 'd like to replace my desktop iMac with a laptop , and I said sure . This morning Bob told me , " You need to write something in your journal . You haven 't written in a long time . " I said I knew that I did , and that I would try to do it today . He said , " You can write about your anniversary present , and what you 're reading , and how cuddly Dinah 's been , and what 's in your purse , and how your thumb is doing . " So . Our anniversary was Saturday . Bob 's had a cold , and we 've both been kind of worn out , and our normal anniversary place ( Stephenson 's Apple Farm Restaurant ) went out of business , so we don 't have a special place to go . So we didn 't do anything . We went to the grocery store and bought a pie and a few little special things , and had dinner at home , although Bob was watching something on television that I didn 't want to see ( " V for Vendetta " ) , so he ate in front of the television and I ate in the dining room . Hopefully we 'll get it together to go out sometime this week . But we did have presents ! He got me some beautiful rainbow topaz earrings , and I got him a headlight ( not for the car , but one that you wear on your head when you 're walking around outside in the dark ) . 32 years . Sometimes it 's hard to get creative after that long . Tonight I was getting ready to leave work at about 7 : 00 , packing up my tote bag , turning out the lights , checking to be sure doors were locked . My phone rang , and it was Bob wondering where I was , if I had left yet . There was one other person still there , Kelsey , and I heard her on the phone , and when I turned back to tell her I was leaving , she was packing up her stuff , too . She said , " I just got the ' where are you ? ' call from my husband . I said , " I just got one , too ! " She said , " How long have you been married ? " and I told her 32 years - - I think she 's been married less than a year . She said , " So I 've got 32 more years of those calls then , " and I said , " Yep . " Dinah : Dinah has been a much better cat since Pyewacket died . She 's sleeping in between us in bed now , where before she would never do that . She snuggles with Bob a lot , and of course she 's always on my lap . I suppose maybe she was intimidated by Pye , and maybe was afraid she was going to get attacked or something ; I don 't know . But whatever it was , she seems to be doing a lot better . She still hisses at Bob occasionally , but less than she used to , I think . My thumb : I went to a physical therapy appointment last week and got some instructions for exercises and " scar massage . " I do the exercises when I think about it ; everything seems fine . I have good range of motion , and it doesn 't hurt to move , although the scar is still a little tender and can hurt if I 'm not careful when I pick things up . But basically it 's fine . What I 'm reading : Right now I 'm reading Lost and Found , by Jacqueline Sheehan , and enjoying it a lot . It 's a book that I had picked up awhile ago at the bookstore , and thought it looked good , but I was trying to be good about not spending too much money , so I didn 't buy it . But it was on the clearance table at Borders a week or so ago , and I grabbed it . It 's about a woman who , after her veterinarian husband dies suddenly , gives up her job as a college psychologist and goes off to become an animal control warden in a small town . One of her first animal rescues is a big black lab who 's been shot with an arrow . She takes him into her home while he heals , and in return , he helps her heal . She believes that he 's grieving a loss also , and tries to find out what happened to him . In the process she meet a lot of interesting characters , including the chief animal control warden who is also a minister , a body worker who has Synesthesia and sees emotions as colors , pain as shapes , etc . , and a young girl with an eating disorder . I haven 't finished the book yet , so can 't guarantee that there 's a happy ending . The book is , at times , emotionally wrenching , but it 's very good . As soon as I finish writing , I 'm going to head up to bed and read . I had the hand surgery on Monday , and everything went fine . I was a little apprehensive about it , although I don 't really know why . I guess just going under general anesthesia is kind of scary . But it was fine . We got to the hospital at about 8 : 00 Monday morning and checked in , and were almost immediately met and taken to a room . A nurse came in and took my history again , checked medications , and told me to take everything off and put on the hospital gown that was left for me . Bob liked that , and thought it was kind of funny that she didn 't ask ( or tell ) him to leave . I guess she figured I could do that if I wanted to . I put my clothes in a little locker / closet , and pretty soon another nurse came in , then the doctor , then the anesthesiologist . It was kind of a parade through the room , and everyone that came through checked to be sure that they had the correct hand . The doctor wrote her initials in Sharpie on my palm , with an arrow pointing at my right thumb . Then we waited a little bit more , and she came back and said they were going to take me early . The surgery was originally scheduled for 10 : 10 , but she said that the surgery she was going to do before mine had been postponed because the instruments that she needed hadn 't arrived , and she was going to do me first . So they started an IV , Bob gave me a kiss , and they rolled me into the operating room . The next thing I knew , I was waking up in the recovery room , with a HUGE bandage on my hand . Bob was coming back from the cafeteria where he had gone to get some breakfast , just as they were bringing me back into the room . Bob helped me get dressed ( he liked that , too ) , then he went to get the car while a nurse came back with a wheelchair and took me outside . We went to Target to fill my prescriptions , and I actually felt pretty good , and was hungry , so we went to Panda Express and Bob got me Chinese food . We went home , I ate , then went to bed , and slept the rest of the day . I never really had any bad pain , but I had to go into the office for a meeting on Thursday ( didn 't have to , but thought I should ) , so I stupidly took a pain pill that day , and it made me HUGELY sick . I think it was a combination of the pill , and not really eating very much - - I have a hard time actually having meals when I 'm on my own - - and I felt awful the rest of that day and on into the next . It 's only today that I 'm feeling good again . And then this morning Bob took off for California to help open up a new store in Manteca . Tonight he and his friends are hitting Chinatown in San Francisco for dinner , the only night they 'll probably be able to get away for a nice evening . So it 's just Dinah and me for the next ten days . I 'm going to do my best to try to eat well . I went to Target tonight and got stuff to make macaroni and cheese , but by the time I got home , I didn 't feel like it , so I microwaved a potato and some green beans . I got a few other things - - melba toast and cream cheese , some Chex Mix , a couple of frozen gourmet pizzas ( chicken caesar and roasted vegetable ) , chocolate croissants , cheese streusel muffins , some bananas , and a lot of cranberry juice , which is my favorite right now . I 'll try to make macaroni and cheese tomorrow night , although I wouldn 't count on it . I always have good intentions , but when it comes right down to it , cooking is way down on my priority list . I could probably have taken off the bandages - - when I called to make a follow - up appointment for next week the nurse said I could take them off in " 24 to 48 hours , " then put on a smaller dressing , but I think I 'll try to leave them on until my appointment on Tuesday . It just makes me feel a little better to have that protection on there a little while longer . I can bend my thumb now without that horrible click ! The surgery worked ! I picked up Pyewacket 's ashes today . I didn 't think it would make me cry , but it did , a little . I think it was the " blankie " that did it . The little box was labeled " Pyewacket Cline , " and there was a certificate in an envelope from the cemetery / crematorium . We have a pewter urn with Doña 's ashes in it , but I couldn 't remember how that came about . With the online journal , though , I could look it up ! About eleven years ago , I wrote : Today I went to the post office to pick up a certified letter , then to the animal hospital . I ordered a small pewter urn for Doña 's ashes from the pet cemetary . They said if I dropped off the ashes the driver would transfer them into the urn tomorrow when he comes by the hospital , and seal it for me , and then I can pick it up tomorrow or Saturday . When he got home from work tonight , the box was sitting on the table , and he said " What 's that ? " And I said , " Pyewacket . " He said , " Oh , good ! That makes me feel better . She 's home . " I went to see the hand specialist a week or so ago , and she said there isn 't any other treatment available for my " trigger thumb " since the cortisone injections didn 't work , so she 's going to do the surgery . I scheduled it for Monday . It was originally going to be in a " surgery center " across the street from the doctor 's office , but when the surgical scheduler called me to ask me about my history , when I told her I had a heart murmur , they called me back and told me that they had decided to move it to a real hospital . Which is fine , of course , and probably a good idea , but lends a bit more gravity to it , I suppose . I had a pre - op appointment on Wednesday morning where I had an EKG , which came out fine , and met with the anesthesiologist , who seemed very nice . He may or may not end up working with me , but he said he 's working that day , so who knows . At least it 's later in the day . The surgery was originally going to be at 7 : 30 a . m . , and I was supposed to be there at 6 : 30 . Now it 's at 10 : 10 , and I have to be there at 8 : 10 , which is at least a little better . The doctor said she wanted me to take off work a couple of days , and she 'd prefer if I could take a whole week , so since I had vacation left , I 'm taking the whole week off . I 'm not one to get on the cell phone as soon as I get in the car . I always call Bob when I get in the car after work to come home , so he knows I 'm safe and on my way , but that 's about it . But tonight as I got on the highway traffic came to a halt for some reason , and I used to downtime to get caught up on phone calls . I called my dad to tell him that they moved my surgery , and to tell him when and where it was , and we talked for awhile . Then I called my sister Lynn to tell her I was having surgery , and got her voice mail , so left a message . Then I called my other sister , Ann , got her voice mail and left a message . Then as I pulled into the grocery store parking lot , Ann called me back , so I sat there awhile and talked to her . I 'm really enjoying my iPhone . I love having one thing to carry around - - it 's a phone , it 's a personal organizer , it 's a music player , it 's an ebook reader . It 's a dessert and a salad topping ! It slices , dices , etc . I love being able to get my email while I 'm out and about . I subscribe to my boss ' calendar , so if I need to set up a meeting I can see when he 's available . Google maps are pretty impressive on it , although it 's mostly just a parlor trick and not terribly useful , as far as I 've seen ; I guess the directions are more useful than the actual maps , or would be for me . One of our local television stations has a bunch of traffic cams online , and those are fun to watch . I 've downloaded a few free videos - - a few television pilots and a couple of short films - - but have yet to actually buy a movie or television show , although I 'm sure I will at some point . I 'm slowing converting all my contact info over . I 've had a few syncing issues with calendar items and contacts being duplicated , so this week I stopped using Microsoft 's Entourage for my email and went back to Mail . I 'm hoping that by using all Apple products I 'll have fewer problems . I guess we 'll see . I gave Bob my iPod , and he 's been enjoying that , particularly since there 's something wrong with the sound card in his computer ( we think ) , and he can 't listen to music on it . There are screenshots of the rest of my iPhone screens on the Moblog page . ( The iPhone screenshot functionality is undocumented : hold down the home button , the depress the power button briefly , then let go . You 'll hear a " shutter " sound , and the screenshot will be saved to your Camera Roll . ) I paid for a few applications ; mostly things that I had on my Palm that I couldn 't do without . I did try to find free or cheaper alternatives , and frankly the ones I got aren 't perfect , either , but at least I was familiar with them . I 'm sure that subsequent releases will improve . I bought three Splash Data apps : Splash Shopper , Splash Money , and Splash ID . Splash Shopper is basically just a list app - - I can 't believe that Apple didn 't put a " to do " application on the iPhone ! I tried several free ones , and I probably could have made do with one of them , but I like the interface , and since I was buying the other two , I thought I 'd just go ahead and get the package . Splash Money is a checkbook app ; I also keep track of various investment accounts there . Splash ID holds all kinds of information , mostly login and password stuff , again mostly work - related . Both Splash Money and Splash ID are password protected . Zenbe Lists is a list application that has a web - based counterpart . You can sync up the two , so you can enter and work with lists either on the website or on your phone , and the two will stay in sync . I use this mostly for work stuff - - task lists , client lists , phone calls I need to make , etc . A lot of major websites have iPhone versions ; sometimes if you go to a website it will recognize that you 're on an iPhone and serve up the correct page . Amazon has a special iPhone page , so does Google ( quick access to Google Docs , their newsreader , translations , etc . I haven 't found a perfect newsreader , but Newstand isn 't bad . It lets you flag articles that you want to go back and read later . I 've also been looking for a good app that lets you store documents , like Word docs and PDFs , for easy access and reading on the iPhone . Google docs does that , but you can 't seem to view PDFs on it , which seems strange since you can view PDFs in Safari , or even through Google Mail . Dropbox lets you create a " drive " on your computer , drop files into it , then access them on the iPhone . It 's incredibly fast , and you can view PDFs on it . The only issue I have with the Splash apps is that the syncing is difficult . It 's over the air rather than via cable , and it 's finicky . I can 't get a good wifi signal at home on Apple hardware ; I was successful once syncing by setting up an " ad hoc " network , but that doesn 't seem to work now . Some of the forums indicate that it stopped working after the most recent firmware update . I wouldn 't be surprised . AirSharing is an app that lets you mount the iPhone as a drive over wifi , but again , I haven 't been able to get that to work yet . It 's weird not having Pyewacket around , but I guess we 'll get used to it . Dinah has been extra - clingy ; I think she 's probably lonely during the day . I thought that maybe she was acting better lately , but Bob said this afternoon she was sitting on his lap and then suddenly turned around , looked up at him , and hissed , so maybe not . It 's hard to know how she 'd react to another cat ; I 'm kind of afraid to find out . I 've felt like we 've been in kind of a holding pattern while we dealt with Pye 's illness , and now things are slowly starting to get back to normal . I have an appointment on Tuesday with the hand surgeon to discuss options . I 'm probably going to have to have surgery , which I 'm definitely not looking forward to , but the cortisone injections didn 't do anything at all , and I don 't think there 's anything else to try . It 's apparently not a terribly complicated surgery , and recovery is pretty quick . I guess I 'll have more details Tuesday . I need to get back into making jewelry , and I need to get back into knitting ; I haven 't even really read anything for the past few weeks . I 've been collecting ebooks on the iPhone , downloading all my old favorites , so I 've got a nice , good backlog . Speaking of which , I 'm glad I didn 't get a Kindle - - not that I would have , realistically - - because eReader on the iPhone is so nice . The Kindle has a larger screen , but I don 't know if it 's enough larger to make a difference . I got a nice letter from K - State last week saying that our vet had made a " generous donation " in honor of Pyewacket , and that our names and hers would be in a memorial book that they keep there . I thought that was awfully nice . I need to write them a thank you note . previous | Pyewacket died this morning at about 1 : 40 a . m . Bob had gotten up to check on her , and she died on his lap . If any death can be good , I think that was probably the best possible way for her to go . She was with the person she loved most in the world . She was so much a part of this house that it 's almost impossible for me to believe she 's gone , especially when I see Bob in his recliner in the office watching television , or playing a game on the computer . It just seems wrong that she 's not there with him . She was truly an exceptional cat , and her time here on earth was much too short . She never met a stranger ; she loved everyone , and everyone loved her . She could be a brat sometimes , but she was the sweetest , most loving cat I 've ever known , and had the most personality . She 'll be entertaining everyone in heaven , I 'm sure . Pyewacket stopped eating three or four days ago , and stopped drinking water maybe a couple of days ago . Up until then Bob had been able to get her to drink a little by carrying her to the water dish and standing there with her . We don 't want to keep her alive just for us , of course , but on the other hand , we don 't want to be premature . She still has life in her , she 'll still purr when Bob pets her ( she won 't purr when I pet her , but that 's nothing new . ) The vet had suggested - - and had given me - - a large syringe that he said could be filled with soft cat food diluted with water and then squirted into her mouth . We just didn 't want to do that , though - - Bob said he didn 't want to force feed her like a goose . But I read some things on the web that said sometimes when a cat stops eating , just getting some food into them will jump - start them eating again . It 's about the end of the line for her , though , so I didn 't know if it would make sense or even be kind to put her through it . Yesterday Bob called me and said he wanted to try giving her some water , at least , so last night he filled the syringe with water and got some into her , and also gave her some milk . She wasn 't thrilled with it , but it wasn 't too bad , except for the time when Bob squirted the milk right in my eye . . . We did the same thing this morning , gave her some milk , and some water , then put her up on the table in front of the window next to me while I was working on the laptop . After Bob left for work , she sat there in the window a little while , then suddenly got up and jumped down before I could stop her . She staggered , then started walking away , and I got up to follow her to see where she was going , and to stop her if she headed to the basement . She walked over to Dinah 's " food station " ( they each have their own , Dinah 's in the dining room and Pye 's in the kitchen ) , and went to the water dish . It was too tall for her to get her head over , though , and she just laid down beside it . I went in and got a shorter dish and filled it with water and sat it down beside her , and she drank . She isn 't very efficient - - she 's mostly just sticking her tongue in the water rather than truly lapping , but it 's a good sign . She drank quite a bit , then rested her head on the side of the bowl . I put a little catfood on a plate , thinking maybe I could get her to eat it , but she wasn 't interested . I picked her up and took her back upstairs , took the water , and made her a little plate of food - - some catfood , some tuna , and a little bit of salmon - - hard to say , but maybe if she 's drinking again , she 'll eat a little bit . Every night I 've been holding her for awhile ; last night Bob had brought her down to me and then he left and went back upstairs . I didn 't have anything close to hand , no books or my phone or anything , and I didn 't want to disturb her by moving around , but I could reach my little iPod Shuffle , so I put on some earphones and turned it on and sat there with her and fell asleep . I hope she gets some comfort from it ; I certainly do . She 's hanging in there . We have her confined to Bob 's office now , so she doesn 't try to go downstairs , and so that Dinah doesn 't bug her . She 's pretty much stopped eating now ; Bob said last night he got her to lick a little butter off his finger , and she lapped up some of the liquid from a can of tuna . She 's still drinking water , though , and he carries her to the water dish several times a day . He 's also washing her with a warm washcloth . She seems to like that . This morning when I came back upstairs to get ready for work I brought her a little buffet plate with a little bit of cooked chicken , some deli roast beef , and a little bit of tuna , and I also brought the milk from the bottom of my cereal bowl . But I couldn 't find her . She wasn 't on the nest ( a pile of his clothes ) that Bob had made for her , and she wasn 't under the recliner . I was calling for her softly when Bob called from the bedroom , " She 's in here . " He had gotten up and brought her back to bed with him . He said I could take her back in the office and see if she 'd eat , but I said no , let her stay with you . H e doesn 't go in to work until 2 : 00 today , so he 'll be there until early afternoon , and it won 't be long before I get home . I woke up in the middle of the night Tuesday night not feeling well , and still didn 't feel right when I woke up on Wednesday morning , so I ended up staying home and working for about half a day . I don 't know if I was really sick or if it was the stress catching up with me . I felt fine yesterday and today , but it 's still a struggle . Well , Pyewacket 's still with us , but probably not for long . It 's just so incredibly sad . I 'm having a hard time imagining a world without Pyewacket in it . I know that 's silly , but she just has such a strong personality , and is so loved by everyone who knows her . She 's just barely eating now ; I bought some deli roast beef today , and she ate a little bit of that . Bob will carry her in to her water dish and she 'll usually drink a little bit . Last night John and Leslie were over for dinner and we had Chinese food , and Pye ate a few grains of fried rice . Today , I had the leftover rice for lunch , and I put a spoonful on a paper plate and took it upstairs and left it on the floor in front of Bob 's recliner ; she 's spending most of her time under it now . It felt a bit like leaving an offering at the mouth of a cave for a deity . . . The roast beef got her to come out from under the chair , so I picked her up and brought her downstairs and put her on the table in front of the window . Bob said , " She 's getting like Doña was - - you take her somewhere and put her down , and she stays . " But a few minutes ago she got up and trotted off to the basement . I got up and followed her to be sure she wasn 't going to go hide somewhere down there , but she was going to the litter box . A good kitty to the end . And how we drove out late the night of my birthday and picked her up , and drove home with her on my lap , and she was so sick . But we took care of her , and got her well , and loved her and gave her a great life . We 've gotten so much from her , but of course she 's gotten a lot from us also . She 's just tired now , and getting ready to leave us . I 'm finding that really hard . The tests were done on Saturday , and he said we might have results on Monday ; he didn 't call on Monday , and he didn 't call on Tuesday , so on Wednesday I called and left a message , and he called very late that afternoon . I think he didn 't want to make the call , either . He said he wished he had better news , that she was very sweet , and I said yes , she is . He said the tests showed that she has cancer , but not what kind . It 's probably lymphoma , going by the swollen lymph nodes , but it could also be another kind of carcinoma ( histiocytic , I think he said ) . It doesn 't really matter , I guess . I asked if there was anything we could do , and he said that they could do chemotherapy , but it 's expensive , and would probably only gain her a couple of months . I said we 'd talked about it , and didn 't really want to put her through that ; he said it wasn 't as hard on them as it is on humans , because the goal is different - - they aren 't really trying to get rid of the cancer , so the dose is smaller . They 're just trying to prolong life for a little while . So he said to continue giving her the prednisone , that it could help shrink the tumor , and would make her feel better . It does seem to have helped . She has a little more energy , I think , and has some appetite back . She isn 't eating like she was before , of course , but she isn 't turning her nose up at everything . We 've been buying special things for her , trying to tempt her to eat . I bought " gourmet " cat food today ; she also likes canned chicken and tuna , and deli ham . She wasn 't crazy about the babyfood I tried - - I think it was too bland . She likes some soft chicken - and - cheese treats that I got the other day , too . I figure we 'll just spoil her rotten for whatever time we have , that 's the least we can do . We 're doing okay . I 've cried about it ; it just seems so unfair . But it 's a part of life , I just need to remember that . But it 's hard . I got another cortisone shot in my hand on Tuesday . The doctor thought it was worth another try before doing surgery . I think it might have helped this time , but it 's hard to tell yet . It was better , then yesterday it was clicking again , and it still is today , but I think maybe less . I have to wait a month before doing anything anyway , so I 'll just take it as it comes . My mom gave me a tiny plant when I was out there last , and I 've been a bad gardener and never did plant it . It 's still in the pot she gave it to me in . But I 've been watering it , and Bob waters it when I forget , and the other night I saw that it was going to flower . You only get one chance , and it blooms at night . If you miss it , that 's it , the flower doesn 't open again , it just wilts and dies . So I kept watching , and saw it bloom . Made me happy . What else . . . Oh ! I bought an iPhone last night . I 'd been wanting one , but couldn 't justify the expense , then my boss said I needed it for work , and the company would reimburse me , so I bought one . I thought I was going to have to pay the premium price - - it wasn 't time for me to get a discounted upgrade , so I was going to have to pay an extra $ 200 , but for some reason when the total came up it was the regular price . The guy at the store was surprised , too , but he said let 's not ask any questions , and I signed for it , and it went through at the lower price . I messed around with it all last evening , downloading free applications and figuring it all out . There 's a free eReader application , so I can read all my ebooks on it ; I need to get some checkbook software , that 's probably the most important thing I need , and I 'd like to have a medical records application . With those two things I will have replaced most of the important stuff from the Palm , and just have one device - - phone , iPod and organizer . previous | I decided that I couldn 't wait until Tuesday to take Pye to the vet . She was doing so poorly that I wasn 't sure she 'd make it . She hasn 't been eating at all . I called and asked if they could suggest anything - - I thought maybe they could suggest something like some kind of high - protein . . . something . . . that we could give her . One of the guys at work said they had given one of their dogs some kind of gel to keep her alive when she wouldn 't eat . The vet said there was a high - calorie food that he could give us , but thought I 'd better bring her in . He had an appointment open this morning , so I got up early to take her . Then we couldn 't find her . She 's been hiding in weird places ; I know that 's a reaction to not feeling well . This morning was the worst . We finally found her underneath Bob 's recliner . I stuck her in the carrier so she wouldn 't get lost again . The vet examined her , took some x - rays , and had a consult with the other two vets in the practice . They came in and said that it looks like there 's some kind of abdominal mass , but they can 't tell for sure what it is . They suggested I take her over to a veterinary specialty clinic to have an ultrasound . Like I said before , we 're not inclined to want to spend a fortune and put her through test after test if it 's only going to gain a couple of months , and my vet said he understood that , but he thought that an ultrasound would at least ( at Bob is fond of saying ) give us a track to run on . She 's lost more weight - - she weighs less than 8 pounds now . That can 't go on much longer . The younger vet went off to package up her x - rays and blood samples , and my vet stayed to talk . I asked him to please tell me what he really thought . He said he was going to be optimistic , but candid . He said he thinks there 's something major wrong with her ; he said he does still think she has an abcessed tooth , but that he doesn 't believe that 's the core problem . He said that ( the tooth ) is off the table for now . He said that it 's possible it 's something that can be treated , but we may also find out that it 's cancer , and in that case we 'll do what we can to keep her comfortable until we can let her go . So we spent a couple of hours over there waiting to see the doctor . I knew they were doing us a favor by squeezing us in , and it wasn 't a problem . I took my knitting with me and finished most of a sock while we waited . I also met a really interesting woman who is a holistic vet in Lawrence . She said she refers patients to this clinic ; she was there today with her dog who had some kind of spinal problem . I actually kind of like waiting in hospitals and doctors ' offices - - it 's enforced down time , you 're not expected to do anything but wait , and as long as I have a book or my knitting , I 'm perfectly fine with it . So anyway , the doctor examined her and got her history , and said he 'd like to do an ultrasound if that was okay . He said ( and the ultrasound confirmed ) that her spleen and liver are enlarged , and he said that she was dehydrated . He asked me if it was all right to take some samples to send in for testing , and I said that was fine , and he said he would like to give her subcutaneous fluids to hydrate her a little bit . Since it 's Saturday , we probably won 't have test results until Tuesday , and then we should know whether it 's something that can be treated , or whether we just do what we can to keep her comfortable for a little while . The doctor said he was kind of in a quandary about what to do in the meantime . He said we won 't have the test results back until probably Tuesday , then we should have a better idea of treatment , if any , but what should we do until then ? He said if it 's cancer , he would give her prednisone , which would make her feel better , but if we need to have more tests done , then prednisone would make them unreliable . He decided to go ahead and give me the prescription , and said if she still wouldn 't eat , to get it filled . I decided to go ahead and fill it . We tried tempting her with various things ; she 'd sniff , or maybe lick , but wouldn 't really eat anything . Bob said , " Maybe she 'd eat some steak . " He was going to grill one for his dinner , so he went out to start up the grill . She acted like she wanted to go outside , which was actually a good sign , so he let her . We never let them go out , but he let her , and stayed close to her in case she tried to go too far . He just let her stay a few minutes , then brought her back in . He said he 'd take her out for a little while every day . He said , " It 'll be like the Make a Wish Foundation . " |
I 'm broken at the moment . Yesterday , I talked to Greg . " How are you ? " I said . He sounded odd . " I 'm bad , bad , bad , " he said . " Can 't explain now , it 's too busy , but call me tomorrow and I will . " I worried . And I called today . " You and I have to take a break , " he said . " My ex 's dad died . Well , she 's not my ex , and now she won 't be for awhile . " This is when my heart stopped . He went on to explain that they 've been in the middle of a divorce . She 's lived with her folks in another town , with their 4 - year - old son , who is autistic . She and her mother can 't work because they are severely bipolar . So , her father supports them all , with help from Greg , as much as he can . The father died the other day , of a heroine overdose . So , all of them have moved into Greg 's little apartment . He 's supposed to support them all , on a waiter 's pay . It 's not going to go well , but he 's all they 've got . The divorce can 't happen right now . " It 's not fair , " he said . " If I had a choice , I 'd be with you . I want to be with you . I have strong feelings for you . I 've been falling for you . " He paused . I heard him sigh . " I 'll just go ahead and say it . I love you . " This is when my heart broke . If you 've been reading this blog for long , you 've seen me say things like " Have a lolly and wait your turn , " or " Shut up and have a lolly . " I have this R2D2 on my desk at work ( see pic ) . His head comes off and inside are goodies . Know what 's in it right now ? You got it - - lollies . I 'm not sure if I 've mentioned this before , but I have one coworker who is often in my office , and he smells terrible . The body odor is amazing . And he likes to point at things on my computer screen . I have to not breathe through my nose . He also looks like he just parked his snowboard ( or skateboard , in warm weather ) outside before coming in . He 's a Dude . Despite the smell , I really like working with him . He 's a progressive thinker with what we 're doing , and you gotta like that . Today , he walked into my office with a munchkin in tow . She 's about two years old . She looks a lot like her daddy - - blonde with blue , blue eyes . She teetered on my threshold , not sure about this strange new room , with this strange new lady in it . Daddy scooped her up and showed her my shelves of Star Wars toys . She decided I was okay . As I 'm talking shop with the munchkin 's daddy , I see these two tiny hands reach up from the other side of my desk and grab hold of R2 . The hands and R2 disappear from view . " Is he breakable ? " Daddy asks , starting to rescue R2 . " No , " I said . " It 's just fine . But in a moment she 's going to figure out his head pops off and there 's lollies inside . " Daddy 's eyebrows went up . " Oh ! She 's about to find out what good things robots are ! " So , we continued talking shop . All the while , I 'm aware of delightful little - one chatter . The nonsensical babble that comes from developing language skills . I love it . The chatter stopped . For a moment . And was replaced with . . . . " EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ! " And a tiny hand shot into view , holding up a bright green lolly . The message was clear : " Hurry , Daddy ! Unwrap this ! " I couldn 't help but laugh . And another padawan learns to love R2D2 . All I said was that I wanted more red in my hair . That 's all . The weather is warming , and I want brighter hair . It 's been too dark , and I want some of my red back . Apparently , I need to learn to define " red " more precisely . I need to employ words like " auburn " and " copper . " Not " red . " My hair - girl 's new boss put in her two cents on how to mix the color for me . " It 'll be gorgeous , " she said , playing with my copious curls . Put simply , my roots are red . And a few highlights match that hue . The shade is something like the hue of this pic . But this is a cartoon . I , dear diary , am not a cartoon . We should have nothing about our appearance in common . Especially not colors in our hair ! Hair - girl touched up some RED spots that framed my face , using brown . " Wash it a few times and it 'll fade , " she said . " It 'll be nice . Don 't worry . Give it a few days , and if you don 't like it , we 'll redo it . " I 've washed it six times since yesterday . It 's fading all right . My roots and a couple of highlights are becoming something like this . I am a professional woman ! This is not a look I want . To boot , today was Meeting Day . Boss is in town on Wednesdays , so I met with him face - to - face today . He 's shorter than me . He couldn 't see the roots . The beauty of curls is that I can fluff and arrange and cover up the roots , pretty easily . That 'll do until hair - girl can fix it . For a moment , I thought about Greg . I 'm supposed to see him in about 10 days . He 's not shorter than me , by a long shot . He 'd notice . I thought of his funky tattoos . He might actually like the red - pinkness . Then , last night , I was at a friend 's house , where she was doing a cooking demonstration . I explained my multi - colored hair to the other gathered friends . They cooed and soothed at me that my hair was lovely and they couldn 't tell anything was amiss . I relaxed . Afterwards , I gave a friend a ride home . As she got out of my car , the interior lights shone right over the top of my locks . " Oh , I see it now , " she said . And she grimaced . " Yeah , you 're going to want to get that taken care ofPosted by It 's . Not . Fair . The universe is at it again . Greg and I are supposed to get TIME together , this next trip . That 's all we 're asking for , is TIME . A day . One day . But nooooooo . . . . . First , it 's my ex . They are moving when their house sells , so he 's started packing . He packed the bedding he needs to use for the kids . " They 'll have to stay with you at night , " he says . " And when I 'm at work . " So , days and nights with me . WTF ? ! They want to see HIM , not the inside of my hotel room . Well , my hotel room is apparently not going to work for this plan . It 's a prepaid stay , so the room type and rate I have is all I can have . It 's one queen bed . That 's not going to work for two teenagers and their mom . So , ex has to work it out . I 've given ideas of how to work it out . It 's not impossible , by a long shot . It 'll just take some creative thinking and effort on his part . Then , this morning , I talked to Greg . " I 'm getting socked in with Spring Break shifts , " he said . " Because I 'm not a college student , I 'm about the only one left working here . " It 's overlapping the dates I 'll be there . " You 're not going to be able to get any extra time off , " I said . " It doesn 't look like it , " he said and apologized . I made a long , groaning sound . " Now , come on , " he soothed at me . " What would you rather have ? Me working and bills paid , or not working and homeless ? " " I know , I know . " " You 'll still come see me , right ? " " Yes . " " And I 'll come see you , too , " he said . " And maybe this time you can sneak me away to Colorado . " " I 'd love to do that , " I said . " That would be great . " " I 'd have to find a job . " " Yes , you would . We can do that , " I laughed . " Details , details . " " I really can 't wait to see you , " he said . " Me , too . " And that was about it . Work was waiting for both of us , so we were off with our respective days . We 'll talk again tomorrow . I 'll get my head together again by then and quit cursing at the sky . I 'll think of something nice to say , but I 'm royally pissed with the world at how this is working out . Not at all happy . So , I say to the Almighty again , " Really ? REALLY ? Posted by It was one of those kinds of days yesterday . I 'm a little concerned because my mother is on my last nerve . As you might remember , my kids and I share a home with my parents . It 's a large home , so that everyone has their own " wing . " My folks have their first - floor living space and the kids and I have the upper floor . We share common areas , like a den , kitchen , and laundry room . Generally , they stay out of my way as a parent . Lately , though , the controlling nature that dominated my childhood and my early adulthood has been showing its ugly face . Like yesterday . We had housework to do . The kids ' rooms had reached ridiculous levels of disarray . I needed to do some mail shredding . Anti - identity theft , you know . I also still have some moving boxes to unpack . I know , I know . . . I 'm so bad about that . . . . But that was in our domain . As the kids were beginning to stir , so did my mother . " Granddaughter , " she said . " Why don 't I come up and help you clean your room ? " All three of us know the sub - speak in that question . " Why don 't I come up and reorganize it how I 'm sure it should be ? " My daughter said , no , she could do it herself . But thanks . " Grandson , " my mother said . " Why don 't I help clean your room ? " Again , no , thanks . And I knew it was coming . . . . " Daughter , " she said . " Why don 't I unpack those boxes in your room ? " I had a brief nightmare image of my mother deciding what went where in my living space . " No , Mom , " I said . " I 'll handle it . " " But they 've been there too long . " It should be noted here that this is my private space . No one else comes in contact with my space . It 's mine . " Mom , I 'll handle it . It 's my space and I 'll decide what to do with them . " Oh , I 'd done it . The martyr mask came up , and she uttered the line that I 'm sure will be her epitaph . " I was only trying to help . " The thing is that it 's not that simple . She doesn 't want to help . She wants to take over . As a mom , I have lots of people I deal with at the kids ' schools . Lately , my mother has taken it upon herself to not only be my talking " To Do " list , but she also fPosted by Old BF called Friday afternoon . I really think we 're on different planets . " My dad is going to sell me is rent house , " he said . His dad owns a couple of places in nice neighborhoods in Dallas . " I was thinking that your kids will be out of school in about five years . We need to start planning now . " " Planning ? For what ? " " For getting married . This way , I can have a nice house for us to live in . " Okay , how many things can be wrong with one statement ? All I could do was stammer . " Uhm . . . . married ? You can 't give me that life . And the house is in Dallas . I live in Colorado . I 'm not living in Dallas . " And it deteriorated from there . Apparently , I 'm wrong to still be mad about eight years of cheating and lying . I 'm wrong to not trust him . I 'm wrong to not be madly head - over - heels with him . Apparently , he 's determined that since he isn 't seeing anyone , we 're still hunky - dory . My kids will grow , move on in their lives , and I 'll quit my job and move to Dallas . Uhm . No . When I pointed out all the problems with this line of thinking , he said , " I 'm not arguing about this with you . " I said , okay , and hung up . That 's the last I 've talked to him . He 's never gone 48 hours without calling me . We might have a breakthrough here . On other fronts , I 'm not calling Fella . I 've had it with all of our conversations being one - sided and all about him . Pardon me , but I have stresses , too . A little give and take here would be nice . He hasn 't called me unprompted in three weeks . Enough . On still other fronts , I talked to Greg on Friday . Two things happened this week to improve his situation . First , he 's been promoted . Second , I put the word out that he needed some help , so my reliable pals made appearances in his section this week , and they are good about tipping appropriately . Friday afternoon , I checked in with him to see how the week went . I heard about the promotion and about the good tips . " I owe you big time , " he said . Then , he lowered his voice . " Do you know how hot you are ? You gotta get your butt down here to see me . " I laughed . " I 'll be there inPosted by I admit it . I 've dabbled in online dating . It 's a discouraging world . You find someone appealing , you write , you even see that they checked you out . . . . and nothing . One of the first ones I got brave enough to contact was this absolutely , positively adorable single dad . I mean , gorgeous ! My age , with kids the same ages as my kids . He wrote a good paragraph . Literate is always nice . So , I sent my little introduction and waited . And waited . And waited . And gave up , and moved on . One night , I 'm chatting away with pals on Messenger and I get a new message . It 's from adorable single dad . He apologizes for not answering sooner . We have a little chat , but it seems stilted to me . He was nervous . But I needed to go . We promised to chat later . Any bets on whether that happened ? No takers ? None ? Hmm , yeah . You got it . Silence . That was last summer . A lot has happened since then , dear diary . I 've written to and heard from others . I 've let the profile go stale . I 've dated without it . Some guys have been nice , and some have been real jerks . It 's a crap shoot , I 'm tellin ' ya . But what happened the other day really took the cake . It started as a request to be added as a " Friend " to my Yahoo 360 profile . Okay , that 's cool . The request came from a female username , but when I checked out the profile , it was a man . A man who crossdresses . Now , I 'm a " to each his own " kind of person , so I don 't mind at all being online pals with a crossdresser . It 's like having a gal - pal to chat with , except we don 't talk about men . And they like pantyhose a hell of a lot more than I do . We have had some great chats the last couple of days . Our kids are the same age , but he has one more than I do . He 's not married , and not gay , but prefers to approach women as his alter - ego , so there 's no surprises . I was honest with him - I don 't know that I can go down the intimate path with this because I can 't imagine doing the whole role - switching thing in the bedroom . Seeing my man in prettier clothes than me is just not a turn - on for me ( as you can probably guess ) . BuPosted by Quick update : I will not be going to New Orleans in March . Neither is South Carolina . Seems his travel budget was cut . After talking about how disappointed we were and how we needed the break , I ventured out on a limb and suggested we meet elsewhere . " Maybe a little later , " he said . " I 'm still in turmoil . " He said things were still going " pretty bad , " but didn 't have time to elaborate . Ah well . I watched my son have a moment the other day , in which I knew he 'd already learned something about dealing with women that many grown men never learn . That being , when it is ( and is not ) a bad idea to argue . It was his girlfriend 's birthday . Her folks were coming to pick him up . I said , " It 'll be dark by the time you get home . Be sure you take a hoodie . " He 's been sick , so I figured this was a no - brainer . Dear No - Brain Boy said , " I 'll be fine . " I differed . Girlfriend arrived in the middle of this . " You 've been sick , " she said . " Go get a hoodie . " And it happened . I saw two opposing thoughts occur to Dear Boy , and collide violently on his face . For an instant , it looked as though he was going to tell her what she could do with said hoodie . Then , just as quickly , his brain stopped his tongue . You could see it happen . " Whoa Nelly , child ! Don 't even think of saying it ! " I could hear the brakes squealing in his mind . He knew he 'd be in irreparable trouble . He set his jaw and reached for the hoodie . It was a beautiful moment . . . . . because it 's just unbelievable to me . I have a nephew . Well , more than one , but this one in particular is , well , a challenge . The boy lies his damn fool head off and he really ( and I mean , really ) enjoys annoying people into fury . He 's a preteen now and beginning to experience the backlash . My sister called . This nephew is upset over his report card . Why ? He got an F . In what ? LUNCH . And sometimes that 's not a good thing . Over the weekend , I spent a good bit of time thinking about why things bug me so much . It used to be that thinking I might fall in love with someone was a delightful feeling . It was even fun . Now , it 's not . When did that happen ? It 's full of pain and doubt and downright torment . I don 't think I like that . So , how did this happen to me ? I think it started with my first boyfriend after my divorce . He had a friend coming to visit . This visit was planned before he and I met . She knew about me and had no romantic designs on him . I had a bad feeling about this , but was reassured by both of them that they were gamer pals and nothing else . She was coming to participate with his roleplay group . ( Yes , I dated a roleplay gamer geek . He even wanted to marry me . He had no job , one leg , and thought I was brilliant . Obviously , the problems with this picture became apparent . . . . ) The point is , I ignored my bad feeling . The first day she was there , he came to me , almost in tears . " I did something stupid , " he said . No , he didn 't actually have sex with her . She stopped him , and said , " But what about Blogget ? " Did you catch that ? SHE stopped him . The relationship deteriorated from there . And I learned that if I suspected something was going on , it always was . The next serious boyfriend - known in past posts as Old BF - only reinforced that . The problem was that he loved me ( and still does ) in many ways that I craved . He thought the world of me and said so . He liked to say and do special things for me . But his eye wandered and he lied . Just when things would smooth out , I 'd find a nasty surprise . He actually cheated ( meaning , he had sex with her ) one time . The other times , I caught him on the way to cheating . One stupidass woman left voicemails for him on my phone number ( she got it as his contact number at their office ) . Another time , I found his listing on AdultFriendFinder . com . Last year , we were in Dallas TOGETHER and he got a call from a girl he knew in high school ( he 's from Dallas ) . He said it wPosted by Okay , so Greg isn 't the only one I 've talked to lately . Here 's what 's happening with the other guys in my life right now . South Carolina is still living away from home . He 's settled in at his friend 's house , and cooks special dinners for the family so he feels like he 's making a contribution . The other day , he made a venison roast , which made my stomach growl just thinking about it ! Also , he has a meeting with his boss on Monday to find out if his New Orleans trip will be funded . If not , then I won 't go , either . Maybe we should just meet elsewhere during the same time frame , and still give him his escape from the craziness in his world . Aspen called the other night . He calls regularly and we get caught up on the news . " One of these days , I 'll get enough time off for us to actually go and do something , " he says . Not this weekend ! He had to go to Alabama to rescue his stepson 's truck . The guy met a woman ( in Alabama ) and left his wife for her , but the woman is also still married . They moved in together and when he shipped out with the Navy , he signed Power of Attorney to her over his affairs while he was gone . She decided to get back together with her husband . Stepson has asked Aspen to help take care of it , and he should be in Alabama this weekend to retrieve stepson 's truck . If she 'll let it go . She doesn 't have to , since she holds that dang Power of Attorney document . Aspen tried to warn is stepson about this , but no . . . . . Now , it 's one big " I told you so " moment , but he 's staying admirably quiet about it ! It was interesting , though . I mentioned that I 'd gone to the doctor the other day . Aspen was genuinely concerned , asking if everything was all right . I 'm fine . . . it 's just routine . And he sounded relieved . A little moment , but sweet . Fella . I just don 't know about him , anymore . I had that lunch with him right before leaving for Texas . He seemed to be doing much better . I texted him when I got back in town , but no response . I haven 't talked to him in two weeks . So , I called this morning . His " Hello " told me a lot . HisPosted by Ignore the last post . I thought about deleting it , but this blog isn 't just about how nice and tidy things can be . I 've been cheated on A LOT . I 've been taken for granted A LOT . So , I have ugly insecurities . And they come boiling out of me often . As evidenced below . But the sun has peeked out of my clouds a little this morning . 11 : 30 Texas time . I called . The lunch hour is cranking up and the wait staff should be in place . If he 's working lunch , he 'll be there by now . Not the most convenient time , as he could very well be busy , but it 's a good shot , anyhow . I spoke with the helpful hostess , the one who took my message the other day and was even willing to give his phone number . Gotta like that one . " Are you all busy yet ? " I asked . " No , " she said . " In fact , we 're soooo not busy right now . Nothing is going on . " I laughed . " Okay . Is Greg working ? " " He sure is ! " " Can I speak to him for a moment ? " " Sure ! " And she was off to get him . " Hello ? " Ah . . . there it is . His voice really gets me . " Hey , " I said . " Hey ! What are you doing ? " " Nothing . Working . Just thought I 'd call and say Hi . How are you ? " " I think I 'm going to be evicted . " " No way ! " This poor guy has had the worst run of luck . Major car repairs , replacing his tires , extra child - related expenses , a trip to Houston for family matters . . . and my little candle . Now this . " Oh yeah . I forgot about $ 66 I owed my landlady , and she 's pissed about things , " he said . I knew she 'd been annoyed that he often has to pay rent in two payments . That 's the nature of a server job , though , when you rely on tips . He chuckles . He seems to be in laugh - or - you 'll - cry mode . " I can 't let that happen , " I said . " There has to be something I can do . " " I 'm not going to ask you for money , " he said . " That 's just not right . I won 't let you do that . I 'll have to figure it out . " " Well , I don 't know that I could do anything financially , anyhow , " I said . " But I 'll ask around to the people I know . Maybe they have an idea . I just can 't let that happen . " " I 'll be all right , " he said . " I 'll still work here and all . I 'll just livePosted by I hate the insecurities and self - doubt I carry around . I hate how the first conclusions I jump to are that I 'm being forgotten again , pushed aside , or done wrong . I 've never really hated Valentine 's Day before . But I hated yesterday . I tried to call Greg on Wednesday and Thursday . I wanted to say - hey , I made it home okay , even though my luggage took an extra day out . I also wanted to make sure something is okay . . . . When I didn 't see him Sunday , and thought I wouldn 't , I wrote him another note . After I saw him , I debated if I should give it to him anyhow . Well , he spotted it in my bag and asked about it . I gave it to him . I 've worried about it ever since . I need to be sure it was all right , and that we 're still cool . The thing is , I keep missing him when I call . I call too early , then I call too late . I don 't want to call too much , or his boss will get pissed . When I called yesterday afternoon , the hostess said , " Just a minute , " then came back and said , " I 'm sorry . I didn 't know he left like an hour or two ago . " That struck me as weird . I got that little chill in my spine when I think something is wrong . Is he dodging me ? Did I really manage to make a mess of it already ? Would he do that to me , just quit answering calls ? Let the tormenting begin . Again , I look to the sky and ask , " Really ? " South Carolina told me about his Valentine 's Day . He and an old friend went to dinner and to a bar , which turned out to have some bizarre entertainment . He told me about the muffin - eating contest for the guys and banana - eating contest for the gals . " We didn 't participate , " he said , and added that he hoped none of those people ever ran for public office . " It sounds like you had a good time , " I said . He was quiet for a moment . " This was just a friend , you know , " he said . I knew it . I am just feel a little beaten up by cupid , is all . Was he picking up on my melancholy mood ? I hope not . I didn 't want to be that way . I 'm just so sick of the ache . Y ' all nauseous yet ? ( I had to throw the " y ' all " in there . Aspen called today and said , " Listen to you ! A week in Texas and you get your drawl back ! " But I digress . . . . ) As I opened the door to the restaurant , Greg opened the other door . " Hey . . . . you can only stick around about an hour , hour - and - a - half . I got my ass chewed for having tickets open for more than that , and the ' firing manager ' is here tonight . He 's watching . " I must have frowned . His looked melted at me . " I 'm sorry . . . . " He talked quietly as he led me to a table . " I 'm off at 9 : 00 , but I have plans I can 't get out of . My buddy has been counting on me going to this thing with him for four weeks . " I sat down and turned my best sad eyes on him . " Don 't be pissed , " he said . " You can 't be pissed at me . " He was more pleading than commanding . I gave him a smile , and let him get back to work . He seemed very stressed , watching for that manager . They were slow . It was early on a Monday . He had two tables when I came in , and the other just left . They tipped him well and his mood brightened a bit . His eyes still darted around , watching for the " firing manager " while he talked to me on the sly . I threw him a curveball and ordered something I 'd never ordered before . It 's the first time I deviated from my norm , and it made him laugh . The other day , he 'd entertained my friend with an explanation of his tattoos . One forearm is Batman . The other is the symbol for the Green Lantern . One shoulder is Spiderman . " Where 's Superman ? " she asked . He shook his head . " No . No superheroes who are impervious to everything but a rock from their home planet . That isn 't cool . " " Where 's Robin , " she asked . He stood up and looked sideways at her . " Robin is not cool , " he said emphatically , and my friend laughed . She knew the stigma of Robin when she asked . This evening , I looked at his arms as he leaned on the table . " So , I know where you fall on the superhero debate , " I said . " But where do you fall on the Star Trek versus Star Wars debate ? " Yes , a loaded question . He had no idea the precipice he was stPosted by EEEEEEEEEEEE ! Yesterday afternoon , I remembered a conversation with Greg , in which he said , " If anyone at the restaurant asks , you 're an old friend of mine from Colorado , here for a visit . Okay ? " Cool by me . See , I can 't be just another customer , or he 'll get fired for being too friendly . So , why was this memory important ? I hatched an idea for letting Greg know I was still in town . I called the restaurant and talked to a very helpful hostess . She was very sympathetic to an old friend of Greg 's , in town for a short time and that time happened to coincide with him being off work . Oh yeah . . . . and this friend had money she owed him . Lends a sense of urgency , dontcha know . Knowing his phone doesn 't work , I said , " I must have written his phone number down wrong , and I can 't reach him . Can you leave a message for him that I 'm in town until Tuesday ? " I gave the hotel phone number . She even looked up the number they had for him to see if it matched what I had . I switched one digit and she gave me his phone number anyhow . So , I pouted all day and felt the uselessness of my little plan in the pit of my stomach . Chances were slim to none that he 'd call in , unless he felt better and decided to pick up a shift on his day off . Crap . Crappity , crap , crap . I turned in about 1 : 00 this morning . I woke up at 7 AM , when my phone went off . I had a text from my daughter . " Send this to 8 people and someone you miss will want to be with you today ! " If only it was that simple , I thought . And then I got sad . How pointless it was for me to be here . I should 've caught that 7 : 10 AM flight anyhow . I abused my pillow for a moment and went back to sleep . I woke up an hour later . This is a noisy hotel . Last night , I kept hearing a knock on my door , but no one was there . I 'd get hopeful , go to the door , and . . . . nothing . I finally figured out it was someone knocking on the upstairs neighbor 's door . Beautiful . But this noise was louder . Was it really my door ? Probably the hotel , seeing if I 'm checking out today or tomorrow . I knew something would get screwePosted by I should have known it would happen this way . God has a thing against letting me have happiness . I get an inkling of it , I get hope . . . . I get the carrot dangled for me . Then He yanks it away . I 've about come to the conclusion that it 's sport to Him to torment me and break my heart . Yesterday , Greg was to be off of work right at 4 : 00 . He was going to come by my room and we 'd make plans for the evening . It was going to be just a quick " Hello " because he had to get his son to his ex at 4 : 30 . Sometimes , if he 's late , he misses her and he ends up keeping his son instead . He also was coming down with a cold , that seemed to be getting worse . See this coming ? At 4 : 45 , I hadn 't heard from him . So , I left a note on my door and drove the two blocks to the restaurant . His car was still there . I decided to find a spot and wait for him to come out . I waited about 10 minutes , then called and asked to speak to him . " He just left , " the hostess said . I pulled out of my space and my heart stopped . The spot where his car had been was empty . I had managed to be looking the wrong direction . He left from the other way . And he wouldn 't have known my car - - it 's a rental and rather non - descript . It was 5 : 00 . Chances were that he 'd have his son that night , so our plans were off . He still doesn 't have a phone because he 's footing the bill for daycare right now instead . And the only number he has for me is long - distance from here . Communication is not at all convenient . So , I did laundry and visited with some old friends here . All the while , something nagged in my gut . He 's supposed to work Sunday ( today ) , so I could see him then . But if the universe holds true , something is going to happen and make that impossible . It did . He had to call in sick . I know he must be really sick to do that because he 's in need of the money . The thing is , he thinks I 'm leaving Monday . I 'm not . I 'm staying one more day . I was going to tell him that yesterday , when we talked after work . He 's made the comment to me a couple of days ago , " I wish you were here Monday , too . IPosted by There are basically two definitions of " dick , " when not a proper name . First , there 's the obvious , anatomical one . The other refers to people who are one . A man I used to work with IS one . He 's the printer , but you 'd think he was King of England when you go out to eat with him . He likes his servers to be transparent . Serve his whims , at his whim , and say " Yes , sir , " and be delighted with it . If he 's unhappy with a server , he makes it known and infects those around him with it . Well . . . . Greg is anything but transparent . Greg is a lively waiter . He hassles and plays with his customers . He makes them smile . Except for Dick . Some of my former coworkers organized a little group for lunch , made up of those who worked closely with me . Sweet of them . But Dick went , too . And I 'd forgotten how he can be . We went to Friday 's for lunch . I thought it would help boost Greg 's tips for the day . It was a disaster waiting to happen . Greg stopped to take our drink orders . When Dick gave his , he was his usual loud , somewhat pretentious self . To those of us who know him as a tremendous loudmouth , what happened next was hilarity itself . Greg leaned in and said , " Sir , please . Inside voice . " Now , I 've seen Greg say this to other people . He simply had no idea what a nail he 'd struck on the head this time . Dick fumed . When Greg left , Dick turned to me and said , " I don 't think I like him . " I replied , " Really ? I like him very much . " Dick frowned . To give you an idea of how this went , here are some snippets . After Dick drained his tea glass very quickly , Greg said , " Now , sir , I 'm going to have to ask you to slow down . Do you have a designated driver ? " Dick : " How about you just keep refilling it whenever I want . Isn 't that what you 're paid to do ? " Dick later decides to switch from tea to Diet Coke . He orders that . Greg : " Oh , I see ! Trying to confuse me , are you ? " Dick : " No , that 's just what I feel like drinking . It 's your job to get it for me . " Greg threw me a wide - eyed look and decided to back off the kidding around with Dick . Too late . The man was in full Posted by You needn 't worry , dear diary . Work was the priority today . Dammit . I got to my old office at 9 : 00 this morning . Only a few people knew I was coming , so it took forever to get through the hallway . Many people said , " Hi ! " like it was a normal thing to still see me there , then the lightbulb came on , they did a double - take , and wanted hugs . I probably answered " How do you like Colorado ? " about twenty times . Then , we got down to business . We talked about courses , course management systems , instructional design , and professors . We talked about projects I helped start . We talked about a major shakeup in the department . Several , actually . As the meetings went on , I watched the clock . Greg wanted me to come see him when his shift started . 11 : 00 . At 11 : 30 , I know his rush was starting . At 12 : 30 , I finally said my last goodbye ( for today ) and made the twenty minute drive to the restaurant . The lunch rush was about over . I walked in the door and could see him watching me . He rushed to the front and maneuvered past the hostess . " I 'll take her , " he said , and ushered me to a table next to the wait stand . " I thought you 'd be here earlier , " he said . " I thought you weren 't coming ! " " I 'm sorry , " I said . " I just finished working . " " Well , see . . . . I thought you weren 't coming , so I picked up a closing shift . " " No ! " He nodded . " Yep . I saved this table right here for you all morning . Kept it open , and now your sweet ass comes in here , and I 'm kicking myself . " He promised to try to give away that shift . As usual , he came and went as I ate my lunch . The conversation came in snippets , but the pieces added up to something like this . " I 've never been at wit 's end before , but this week has done it , " he said . " The only thing that 's gotten me through is knowing I 'd have time with you at the end of it . I can 't wait to be in your arms again . " " I 'm sorry it 's been so bad . " " It 's not your fault , baby . I 'm sure glad you 're here . Take me back to Colorado with you this time ? " " That would be nice , " I said , sighing . " Yeah , but your kids would freak out if I just showePosted by It 's a pleasant day in Western Colorado . It was Wednesday morning . I have plenty of time to get packed and out the door . The drive to Montrose ( about 1 hour , 15 minutes ) is very nice . Cold outside , but the sun is shining ! I get checked in at the little airport . There are two gates at this one , about 50 feet apart . They share the same waiting area . I settle in to wait for the plane . Big windows let you see the whole area outside the gates , and the planes on the tarmac . I look down to read . When I look up , outside has turned white . All white . Blowing white . WTF ? ? When asked about delays , the woman at the counter says , " What ? For a little snow ? " Welcome to Colorado . We were delayed . A lot . I worried that I 'd miss my connection in Dallas . The flight leaves at 4 : 50 . We 're due at 4 : 20 , if the pilot 's estimate is correct . The flight attendant seems to doubt it . The woman behind me has a screaming infant and is talking loudly about how we 're going to crash and we 're all going to die . Thankfully , she 's wrong . We taxi in to gate B11 . The flight attendant says my connection leaves from B10 . Oh , thank goodness ! Sitting near the back of the plane , I want to shove everyone else out of the way and make a mad desh for the terminal . But I 'm patient . Well , I 'm quietly impatient . I finally step into the terminal . . . . to hear my flight being called . A dash to the next gate and short wait in line and I 'm on the plane ! Whew ! I see my old boss from The Weirdest Job Ever on the same flight . It 's been years ! And I wish for time to chat , but her seat is in the back of the plane . I settle in by the window and hope to God that the person with the seat beside me doesn 't show up . But he does . And his salesman buddies . And they are LOUD . They 've come from a big company meeting and are complaining about one woman executive in particular . The man next to me says , loudly , " Her only problem is she needs a man . If she had a man , she 'd be easier to get along with . " He has a deep Texas twang and I 'm embarrassed for all Texans , everywhere . He 's also congested . Posted by I finally heard from South Carolina . He sounds terrible . The help his ex needed was psychiatric . He decided to come home early one day , close to two weeks ago . He found his ex writing a note . A suicide note . And she had his handgun beside her . " If I 'd been 30 minutes later . . . , " he said . Ex 's sister has returned from Iraq to be with her , and their son has moved in , too . South Carolina feels his presence isn 't helping , since she doesn 't recall their split and divorce . He 's moved into a coworker 's house . A large house with plenty of room for him , he says . She has had in - patient and out - patient care . She 's heavily sedated . She still tries to call him , but she 's groggy most of the time . His heart breaks for her , and he feels wrung out from it all . He 's exhausted , but not sleeping . He 's lost 12 pounds in two weeks . " I know I 'm far away , " I said . " But what can I do to help you ? " " I could use a backrub , " he says . " But that 's not possible . . . . " " I would if I could , " I say . " You know that , yes ? " " Yes . Thank you . " " Maybe in March . I can give you a bit of an oasis , then . I know it 's awhile off , but how about the backrub then ? In the meantime , call me anytime you need to . " " Okay . I will . I appreciate that . " Then , I told him to get some sleep , and he did . I haven 't talked to him again , but my heart just breaks for his situation , and for what his ex must be going through . For her , it must be like a walking death , having lost everything she could once do and rely on . If you 're a praying person , include her , okay ? A little here and there , on this atypical Saturday . It 's atypical because we don 't actually have anything scheduled today . That never happens ! First , does anyone know what would cause the blood vessels on the inside of your lower eyelid to burst ? You can 't tell anything 's wrong from the outside , but the inside of my lower lid is a deep red and I had blood in the tear duct this morning . Maybe it 's related to the dehydration earlier this week ? It 's been hard to stay hydrated since then . That 's gross . Sorry , dear diary ! Second , my son really needs to find a girlfriend who isn 't embroiled in drama . Serious drama . He has the tendency to be attracted to girls who need to be " rescued . " This one has a bizarre home life . Her folks split up with when her mom refused to participate in the swinger lifestyle . However , her dad has custody of the kids , and they all live with a couple , who he got " married " to in Las Vegas last year . I 'm thinking that there 's a part of the story we don 't know , given that the mother is allowed visitation with the kids for only two hours on two weekday evenings . Well , this girlfriend wants to live with her mom . So , mom approached dad about it the other night . The man goes ballistic , says something horrible to her , and she hits him . Hits him . He calls the police , and her butt is in jail . Way to go , on showing you 're fit to have your teenager back . So , this dad has not put the clamps on daughter , because she wants to live with her mom , and she 's not allowed to see anyone . This means my son is all broody about it . I spent last night talking to him about why it 's a bad idea to decide to marry her right out of high school , so he can save her from her home life . Blech . But he 's 16 . He 's had a couple of good meals and is in a better attitude now . He 's telling me right now that he 's hungry again . Third , I have been concerned about South Carolina . He 's been completely silent for the whole week . No texts , no emails , no calls , and not even online for IMs . I sent a text , expressing concern and that I hope all is wellPosted by The daily accounts of my life , in all its emotional and anecdotal glory . Or the lack thereof , on some days . Want to email me ? BloggetJones @ gmail . com Old BF : Not sure he 'd know the truth if it bit him in the ass . Offended me for the last time . Over and gone . Still tries to contact me , occasionally . South Carolina ( or " SC " ) : after much waffling , has remarried his ex . . . but that doesn 't seem to stop his wandering hands . I think he thought we 'd still be " friends with benefits . " Guess again , bud . Greg : has fallen into complete self - absorption . He thinks lying and being hurtful is good . And I 'm bad for not sending him money . I 've told him to leave me alone . Karl : started calling again . Then stopped again . A year later , I see him on Facebook . He 's married . Now he 's not . Sends messages now and again . Bear : Called regularly to see if I 'd give him another shot . When I did , he effed it up royally . Maturity of an adolescent boy . BB ( British Bloke ) : A name given by a friend ! Younger than me , but loves like me . Truly long distance relationship , but we 're making it work . |
I 'm broken at the moment . Yesterday , I talked to Greg . " How are you ? " I said . He sounded odd . " I 'm bad , bad , bad , " he said . " Can 't explain now , it 's too busy , but call me tomorrow and I will . " I worried . And I called today . " You and I have to take a break , " he said . " My ex 's dad died . Well , she 's not my ex , and now she won 't be for awhile . " This is when my heart stopped . He went on to explain that they 've been in the middle of a divorce . She 's lived with her folks in another town , with their 4 - year - old son , who is autistic . She and her mother can 't work because they are severely bipolar . So , her father supports them all , with help from Greg , as much as he can . The father died the other day , of a heroine overdose . So , all of them have moved into Greg 's little apartment . He 's supposed to support them all , on a waiter 's pay . It 's not going to go well , but he 's all they 've got . The divorce can 't happen right now . " It 's not fair , " he said . " If I had a choice , I 'd be with you . I want to be with you . I have strong feelings for you . I 've been falling for you . " He paused . I heard him sigh . " I 'll just go ahead and say it . I love you . " This is when my heart broke . If you 've been reading this blog for long , you 've seen me say things like " Have a lolly and wait your turn , " or " Shut up and have a lolly . " I have this R2D2 on my desk at work ( see pic ) . His head comes off and inside are goodies . Know what 's in it right now ? You got it - - lollies . I 'm not sure if I 've mentioned this before , but I have one coworker who is often in my office , and he smells terrible . The body odor is amazing . And he likes to point at things on my computer screen . I have to not breathe through my nose . He also looks like he just parked his snowboard ( or skateboard , in warm weather ) outside before coming in . He 's a Dude . Despite the smell , I really like working with him . He 's a progressive thinker with what we 're doing , and you gotta like that . Today , he walked into my office with a munchkin in tow . She 's about two years old . She looks a lot like her daddy - - blonde with blue , blue eyes . She teetered on my threshold , not sure about this strange new room , with this strange new lady in it . Daddy scooped her up and showed her my shelves of Star Wars toys . She decided I was okay . As I 'm talking shop with the munchkin 's daddy , I see these two tiny hands reach up from the other side of my desk and grab hold of R2 . The hands and R2 disappear from view . " Is he breakable ? " Daddy asks , starting to rescue R2 . " No , " I said . " It 's just fine . But in a moment she 's going to figure out his head pops off and there 's lollies inside . " Daddy 's eyebrows went up . " Oh ! She 's about to find out what good things robots are ! " So , we continued talking shop . All the while , I 'm aware of delightful little - one chatter . The nonsensical babble that comes from developing language skills . I love it . The chatter stopped . For a moment . And was replaced with . . . . " EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ! " And a tiny hand shot into view , holding up a bright green lolly . The message was clear : " Hurry , Daddy ! Unwrap this ! " I couldn 't help but laugh . And another padawan learns to love R2D2 . All I said was that I wanted more red in my hair . That 's all . The weather is warming , and I want brighter hair . It 's been too dark , and I want some of my red back . Apparently , I need to learn to define " red " more precisely . I need to employ words like " auburn " and " copper . " Not " red . " My hair - girl 's new boss put in her two cents on how to mix the color for me . " It 'll be gorgeous , " she said , playing with my copious curls . Put simply , my roots are red . And a few highlights match that hue . The shade is something like the hue of this pic . But this is a cartoon . I , dear diary , am not a cartoon . We should have nothing about our appearance in common . Especially not colors in our hair ! Hair - girl touched up some RED spots that framed my face , using brown . " Wash it a few times and it 'll fade , " she said . " It 'll be nice . Don 't worry . Give it a few days , and if you don 't like it , we 'll redo it . " I 've washed it six times since yesterday . It 's fading all right . My roots and a couple of highlights are becoming something like this . I am a professional woman ! This is not a look I want . To boot , today was Meeting Day . Boss is in town on Wednesdays , so I met with him face - to - face today . He 's shorter than me . He couldn 't see the roots . The beauty of curls is that I can fluff and arrange and cover up the roots , pretty easily . That 'll do until hair - girl can fix it . For a moment , I thought about Greg . I 'm supposed to see him in about 10 days . He 's not shorter than me , by a long shot . He 'd notice . I thought of his funky tattoos . He might actually like the red - pinkness . Then , last night , I was at a friend 's house , where she was doing a cooking demonstration . I explained my multi - colored hair to the other gathered friends . They cooed and soothed at me that my hair was lovely and they couldn 't tell anything was amiss . I relaxed . Afterwards , I gave a friend a ride home . As she got out of my car , the interior lights shone right over the top of my locks . " Oh , I see it now , " she said . And she grimaced . " Yeah , you 're going to want to get that taken care ofPosted by It 's . Not . Fair . The universe is at it again . Greg and I are supposed to get TIME together , this next trip . That 's all we 're asking for , is TIME . A day . One day . But nooooooo . . . . . First , it 's my ex . They are moving when their house sells , so he 's started packing . He packed the bedding he needs to use for the kids . " They 'll have to stay with you at night , " he says . " And when I 'm at work . " So , days and nights with me . WTF ? ! They want to see HIM , not the inside of my hotel room . Well , my hotel room is apparently not going to work for this plan . It 's a prepaid stay , so the room type and rate I have is all I can have . It 's one queen bed . That 's not going to work for two teenagers and their mom . So , ex has to work it out . I 've given ideas of how to work it out . It 's not impossible , by a long shot . It 'll just take some creative thinking and effort on his part . Then , this morning , I talked to Greg . " I 'm getting socked in with Spring Break shifts , " he said . " Because I 'm not a college student , I 'm about the only one left working here . " It 's overlapping the dates I 'll be there . " You 're not going to be able to get any extra time off , " I said . " It doesn 't look like it , " he said and apologized . I made a long , groaning sound . " Now , come on , " he soothed at me . " What would you rather have ? Me working and bills paid , or not working and homeless ? " " I know , I know . " " You 'll still come see me , right ? " " Yes . " " And I 'll come see you , too , " he said . " And maybe this time you can sneak me away to Colorado . " " I 'd love to do that , " I said . " That would be great . " " I 'd have to find a job . " " Yes , you would . We can do that , " I laughed . " Details , details . " " I really can 't wait to see you , " he said . " Me , too . " And that was about it . Work was waiting for both of us , so we were off with our respective days . We 'll talk again tomorrow . I 'll get my head together again by then and quit cursing at the sky . I 'll think of something nice to say , but I 'm royally pissed with the world at how this is working out . Not at all happy . So , I say to the Almighty again , " Really ? REALLY ? Posted by It was one of those kinds of days yesterday . I 'm a little concerned because my mother is on my last nerve . As you might remember , my kids and I share a home with my parents . It 's a large home , so that everyone has their own " wing . " My folks have their first - floor living space and the kids and I have the upper floor . We share common areas , like a den , kitchen , and laundry room . Generally , they stay out of my way as a parent . Lately , though , the controlling nature that dominated my childhood and my early adulthood has been showing its ugly face . Like yesterday . We had housework to do . The kids ' rooms had reached ridiculous levels of disarray . I needed to do some mail shredding . Anti - identity theft , you know . I also still have some moving boxes to unpack . I know , I know . . . I 'm so bad about that . . . . But that was in our domain . As the kids were beginning to stir , so did my mother . " Granddaughter , " she said . " Why don 't I come up and help you clean your room ? " All three of us know the sub - speak in that question . " Why don 't I come up and reorganize it how I 'm sure it should be ? " My daughter said , no , she could do it herself . But thanks . " Grandson , " my mother said . " Why don 't I help clean your room ? " Again , no , thanks . And I knew it was coming . . . . " Daughter , " she said . " Why don 't I unpack those boxes in your room ? " I had a brief nightmare image of my mother deciding what went where in my living space . " No , Mom , " I said . " I 'll handle it . " " But they 've been there too long . " It should be noted here that this is my private space . No one else comes in contact with my space . It 's mine . " Mom , I 'll handle it . It 's my space and I 'll decide what to do with them . " Oh , I 'd done it . The martyr mask came up , and she uttered the line that I 'm sure will be her epitaph . " I was only trying to help . " The thing is that it 's not that simple . She doesn 't want to help . She wants to take over . As a mom , I have lots of people I deal with at the kids ' schools . Lately , my mother has taken it upon herself to not only be my talking " To Do " list , but she also fPosted by Old BF called Friday afternoon . I really think we 're on different planets . " My dad is going to sell me is rent house , " he said . His dad owns a couple of places in nice neighborhoods in Dallas . " I was thinking that your kids will be out of school in about five years . We need to start planning now . " " Planning ? For what ? " " For getting married . This way , I can have a nice house for us to live in . " Okay , how many things can be wrong with one statement ? All I could do was stammer . " Uhm . . . . married ? You can 't give me that life . And the house is in Dallas . I live in Colorado . I 'm not living in Dallas . " And it deteriorated from there . Apparently , I 'm wrong to still be mad about eight years of cheating and lying . I 'm wrong to not trust him . I 'm wrong to not be madly head - over - heels with him . Apparently , he 's determined that since he isn 't seeing anyone , we 're still hunky - dory . My kids will grow , move on in their lives , and I 'll quit my job and move to Dallas . Uhm . No . When I pointed out all the problems with this line of thinking , he said , " I 'm not arguing about this with you . " I said , okay , and hung up . That 's the last I 've talked to him . He 's never gone 48 hours without calling me . We might have a breakthrough here . On other fronts , I 'm not calling Fella . I 've had it with all of our conversations being one - sided and all about him . Pardon me , but I have stresses , too . A little give and take here would be nice . He hasn 't called me unprompted in three weeks . Enough . On still other fronts , I talked to Greg on Friday . Two things happened this week to improve his situation . First , he 's been promoted . Second , I put the word out that he needed some help , so my reliable pals made appearances in his section this week , and they are good about tipping appropriately . Friday afternoon , I checked in with him to see how the week went . I heard about the promotion and about the good tips . " I owe you big time , " he said . Then , he lowered his voice . " Do you know how hot you are ? You gotta get your butt down here to see me . " I laughed . " I 'll be there inPosted by I admit it . I 've dabbled in online dating . It 's a discouraging world . You find someone appealing , you write , you even see that they checked you out . . . . and nothing . One of the first ones I got brave enough to contact was this absolutely , positively adorable single dad . I mean , gorgeous ! My age , with kids the same ages as my kids . He wrote a good paragraph . Literate is always nice . So , I sent my little introduction and waited . And waited . And waited . And gave up , and moved on . One night , I 'm chatting away with pals on Messenger and I get a new message . It 's from adorable single dad . He apologizes for not answering sooner . We have a little chat , but it seems stilted to me . He was nervous . But I needed to go . We promised to chat later . Any bets on whether that happened ? No takers ? None ? Hmm , yeah . You got it . Silence . That was last summer . A lot has happened since then , dear diary . I 've written to and heard from others . I 've let the profile go stale . I 've dated without it . Some guys have been nice , and some have been real jerks . It 's a crap shoot , I 'm tellin ' ya . But what happened the other day really took the cake . It started as a request to be added as a " Friend " to my Yahoo 360 profile . Okay , that 's cool . The request came from a female username , but when I checked out the profile , it was a man . A man who crossdresses . Now , I 'm a " to each his own " kind of person , so I don 't mind at all being online pals with a crossdresser . It 's like having a gal - pal to chat with , except we don 't talk about men . And they like pantyhose a hell of a lot more than I do . We have had some great chats the last couple of days . Our kids are the same age , but he has one more than I do . He 's not married , and not gay , but prefers to approach women as his alter - ego , so there 's no surprises . I was honest with him - I don 't know that I can go down the intimate path with this because I can 't imagine doing the whole role - switching thing in the bedroom . Seeing my man in prettier clothes than me is just not a turn - on for me ( as you can probably guess ) . BuPosted by Quick update : I will not be going to New Orleans in March . Neither is South Carolina . Seems his travel budget was cut . After talking about how disappointed we were and how we needed the break , I ventured out on a limb and suggested we meet elsewhere . " Maybe a little later , " he said . " I 'm still in turmoil . " He said things were still going " pretty bad , " but didn 't have time to elaborate . Ah well . I watched my son have a moment the other day , in which I knew he 'd already learned something about dealing with women that many grown men never learn . That being , when it is ( and is not ) a bad idea to argue . It was his girlfriend 's birthday . Her folks were coming to pick him up . I said , " It 'll be dark by the time you get home . Be sure you take a hoodie . " He 's been sick , so I figured this was a no - brainer . Dear No - Brain Boy said , " I 'll be fine . " I differed . Girlfriend arrived in the middle of this . " You 've been sick , " she said . " Go get a hoodie . " And it happened . I saw two opposing thoughts occur to Dear Boy , and collide violently on his face . For an instant , it looked as though he was going to tell her what she could do with said hoodie . Then , just as quickly , his brain stopped his tongue . You could see it happen . " Whoa Nelly , child ! Don 't even think of saying it ! " I could hear the brakes squealing in his mind . He knew he 'd be in irreparable trouble . He set his jaw and reached for the hoodie . It was a beautiful moment . . . . . because it 's just unbelievable to me . I have a nephew . Well , more than one , but this one in particular is , well , a challenge . The boy lies his damn fool head off and he really ( and I mean , really ) enjoys annoying people into fury . He 's a preteen now and beginning to experience the backlash . My sister called . This nephew is upset over his report card . Why ? He got an F . In what ? LUNCH . And sometimes that 's not a good thing . Over the weekend , I spent a good bit of time thinking about why things bug me so much . It used to be that thinking I might fall in love with someone was a delightful feeling . It was even fun . Now , it 's not . When did that happen ? It 's full of pain and doubt and downright torment . I don 't think I like that . So , how did this happen to me ? I think it started with my first boyfriend after my divorce . He had a friend coming to visit . This visit was planned before he and I met . She knew about me and had no romantic designs on him . I had a bad feeling about this , but was reassured by both of them that they were gamer pals and nothing else . She was coming to participate with his roleplay group . ( Yes , I dated a roleplay gamer geek . He even wanted to marry me . He had no job , one leg , and thought I was brilliant . Obviously , the problems with this picture became apparent . . . . ) The point is , I ignored my bad feeling . The first day she was there , he came to me , almost in tears . " I did something stupid , " he said . No , he didn 't actually have sex with her . She stopped him , and said , " But what about Blogget ? " Did you catch that ? SHE stopped him . The relationship deteriorated from there . And I learned that if I suspected something was going on , it always was . The next serious boyfriend - known in past posts as Old BF - only reinforced that . The problem was that he loved me ( and still does ) in many ways that I craved . He thought the world of me and said so . He liked to say and do special things for me . But his eye wandered and he lied . Just when things would smooth out , I 'd find a nasty surprise . He actually cheated ( meaning , he had sex with her ) one time . The other times , I caught him on the way to cheating . One stupidass woman left voicemails for him on my phone number ( she got it as his contact number at their office ) . Another time , I found his listing on AdultFriendFinder . com . Last year , we were in Dallas TOGETHER and he got a call from a girl he knew in high school ( he 's from Dallas ) . He said it wPosted by Okay , so Greg isn 't the only one I 've talked to lately . Here 's what 's happening with the other guys in my life right now . South Carolina is still living away from home . He 's settled in at his friend 's house , and cooks special dinners for the family so he feels like he 's making a contribution . The other day , he made a venison roast , which made my stomach growl just thinking about it ! Also , he has a meeting with his boss on Monday to find out if his New Orleans trip will be funded . If not , then I won 't go , either . Maybe we should just meet elsewhere during the same time frame , and still give him his escape from the craziness in his world . Aspen called the other night . He calls regularly and we get caught up on the news . " One of these days , I 'll get enough time off for us to actually go and do something , " he says . Not this weekend ! He had to go to Alabama to rescue his stepson 's truck . The guy met a woman ( in Alabama ) and left his wife for her , but the woman is also still married . They moved in together and when he shipped out with the Navy , he signed Power of Attorney to her over his affairs while he was gone . She decided to get back together with her husband . Stepson has asked Aspen to help take care of it , and he should be in Alabama this weekend to retrieve stepson 's truck . If she 'll let it go . She doesn 't have to , since she holds that dang Power of Attorney document . Aspen tried to warn is stepson about this , but no . . . . . Now , it 's one big " I told you so " moment , but he 's staying admirably quiet about it ! It was interesting , though . I mentioned that I 'd gone to the doctor the other day . Aspen was genuinely concerned , asking if everything was all right . I 'm fine . . . it 's just routine . And he sounded relieved . A little moment , but sweet . Fella . I just don 't know about him , anymore . I had that lunch with him right before leaving for Texas . He seemed to be doing much better . I texted him when I got back in town , but no response . I haven 't talked to him in two weeks . So , I called this morning . His " Hello " told me a lot . HisPosted by Ignore the last post . I thought about deleting it , but this blog isn 't just about how nice and tidy things can be . I 've been cheated on A LOT . I 've been taken for granted A LOT . So , I have ugly insecurities . And they come boiling out of me often . As evidenced below . But the sun has peeked out of my clouds a little this morning . 11 : 30 Texas time . I called . The lunch hour is cranking up and the wait staff should be in place . If he 's working lunch , he 'll be there by now . Not the most convenient time , as he could very well be busy , but it 's a good shot , anyhow . I spoke with the helpful hostess , the one who took my message the other day and was even willing to give his phone number . Gotta like that one . " Are you all busy yet ? " I asked . " No , " she said . " In fact , we 're soooo not busy right now . Nothing is going on . " I laughed . " Okay . Is Greg working ? " " He sure is ! " " Can I speak to him for a moment ? " " Sure ! " And she was off to get him . " Hello ? " Ah . . . there it is . His voice really gets me . " Hey , " I said . " Hey ! What are you doing ? " " Nothing . Working . Just thought I 'd call and say Hi . How are you ? " " I think I 'm going to be evicted . " " No way ! " This poor guy has had the worst run of luck . Major car repairs , replacing his tires , extra child - related expenses , a trip to Houston for family matters . . . and my little candle . Now this . " Oh yeah . I forgot about $ 66 I owed my landlady , and she 's pissed about things , " he said . I knew she 'd been annoyed that he often has to pay rent in two payments . That 's the nature of a server job , though , when you rely on tips . He chuckles . He seems to be in laugh - or - you 'll - cry mode . " I can 't let that happen , " I said . " There has to be something I can do . " " I 'm not going to ask you for money , " he said . " That 's just not right . I won 't let you do that . I 'll have to figure it out . " " Well , I don 't know that I could do anything financially , anyhow , " I said . " But I 'll ask around to the people I know . Maybe they have an idea . I just can 't let that happen . " " I 'll be all right , " he said . " I 'll still work here and all . I 'll just livePosted by I hate the insecurities and self - doubt I carry around . I hate how the first conclusions I jump to are that I 'm being forgotten again , pushed aside , or done wrong . I 've never really hated Valentine 's Day before . But I hated yesterday . I tried to call Greg on Wednesday and Thursday . I wanted to say - hey , I made it home okay , even though my luggage took an extra day out . I also wanted to make sure something is okay . . . . When I didn 't see him Sunday , and thought I wouldn 't , I wrote him another note . After I saw him , I debated if I should give it to him anyhow . Well , he spotted it in my bag and asked about it . I gave it to him . I 've worried about it ever since . I need to be sure it was all right , and that we 're still cool . The thing is , I keep missing him when I call . I call too early , then I call too late . I don 't want to call too much , or his boss will get pissed . When I called yesterday afternoon , the hostess said , " Just a minute , " then came back and said , " I 'm sorry . I didn 't know he left like an hour or two ago . " That struck me as weird . I got that little chill in my spine when I think something is wrong . Is he dodging me ? Did I really manage to make a mess of it already ? Would he do that to me , just quit answering calls ? Let the tormenting begin . Again , I look to the sky and ask , " Really ? " South Carolina told me about his Valentine 's Day . He and an old friend went to dinner and to a bar , which turned out to have some bizarre entertainment . He told me about the muffin - eating contest for the guys and banana - eating contest for the gals . " We didn 't participate , " he said , and added that he hoped none of those people ever ran for public office . " It sounds like you had a good time , " I said . He was quiet for a moment . " This was just a friend , you know , " he said . I knew it . I am just feel a little beaten up by cupid , is all . Was he picking up on my melancholy mood ? I hope not . I didn 't want to be that way . I 'm just so sick of the ache . Y ' all nauseous yet ? ( I had to throw the " y ' all " in there . Aspen called today and said , " Listen to you ! A week in Texas and you get your drawl back ! " But I digress . . . . ) As I opened the door to the restaurant , Greg opened the other door . " Hey . . . . you can only stick around about an hour , hour - and - a - half . I got my ass chewed for having tickets open for more than that , and the ' firing manager ' is here tonight . He 's watching . " I must have frowned . His looked melted at me . " I 'm sorry . . . . " He talked quietly as he led me to a table . " I 'm off at 9 : 00 , but I have plans I can 't get out of . My buddy has been counting on me going to this thing with him for four weeks . " I sat down and turned my best sad eyes on him . " Don 't be pissed , " he said . " You can 't be pissed at me . " He was more pleading than commanding . I gave him a smile , and let him get back to work . He seemed very stressed , watching for that manager . They were slow . It was early on a Monday . He had two tables when I came in , and the other just left . They tipped him well and his mood brightened a bit . His eyes still darted around , watching for the " firing manager " while he talked to me on the sly . I threw him a curveball and ordered something I 'd never ordered before . It 's the first time I deviated from my norm , and it made him laugh . The other day , he 'd entertained my friend with an explanation of his tattoos . One forearm is Batman . The other is the symbol for the Green Lantern . One shoulder is Spiderman . " Where 's Superman ? " she asked . He shook his head . " No . No superheroes who are impervious to everything but a rock from their home planet . That isn 't cool . " " Where 's Robin , " she asked . He stood up and looked sideways at her . " Robin is not cool , " he said emphatically , and my friend laughed . She knew the stigma of Robin when she asked . This evening , I looked at his arms as he leaned on the table . " So , I know where you fall on the superhero debate , " I said . " But where do you fall on the Star Trek versus Star Wars debate ? " Yes , a loaded question . He had no idea the precipice he was stPosted by EEEEEEEEEEEE ! Yesterday afternoon , I remembered a conversation with Greg , in which he said , " If anyone at the restaurant asks , you 're an old friend of mine from Colorado , here for a visit . Okay ? " Cool by me . See , I can 't be just another customer , or he 'll get fired for being too friendly . So , why was this memory important ? I hatched an idea for letting Greg know I was still in town . I called the restaurant and talked to a very helpful hostess . She was very sympathetic to an old friend of Greg 's , in town for a short time and that time happened to coincide with him being off work . Oh yeah . . . . and this friend had money she owed him . Lends a sense of urgency , dontcha know . Knowing his phone doesn 't work , I said , " I must have written his phone number down wrong , and I can 't reach him . Can you leave a message for him that I 'm in town until Tuesday ? " I gave the hotel phone number . She even looked up the number they had for him to see if it matched what I had . I switched one digit and she gave me his phone number anyhow . So , I pouted all day and felt the uselessness of my little plan in the pit of my stomach . Chances were slim to none that he 'd call in , unless he felt better and decided to pick up a shift on his day off . Crap . Crappity , crap , crap . I turned in about 1 : 00 this morning . I woke up at 7 AM , when my phone went off . I had a text from my daughter . " Send this to 8 people and someone you miss will want to be with you today ! " If only it was that simple , I thought . And then I got sad . How pointless it was for me to be here . I should 've caught that 7 : 10 AM flight anyhow . I abused my pillow for a moment and went back to sleep . I woke up an hour later . This is a noisy hotel . Last night , I kept hearing a knock on my door , but no one was there . I 'd get hopeful , go to the door , and . . . . nothing . I finally figured out it was someone knocking on the upstairs neighbor 's door . Beautiful . But this noise was louder . Was it really my door ? Probably the hotel , seeing if I 'm checking out today or tomorrow . I knew something would get screwePosted by I should have known it would happen this way . God has a thing against letting me have happiness . I get an inkling of it , I get hope . . . . I get the carrot dangled for me . Then He yanks it away . I 've about come to the conclusion that it 's sport to Him to torment me and break my heart . Yesterday , Greg was to be off of work right at 4 : 00 . He was going to come by my room and we 'd make plans for the evening . It was going to be just a quick " Hello " because he had to get his son to his ex at 4 : 30 . Sometimes , if he 's late , he misses her and he ends up keeping his son instead . He also was coming down with a cold , that seemed to be getting worse . See this coming ? At 4 : 45 , I hadn 't heard from him . So , I left a note on my door and drove the two blocks to the restaurant . His car was still there . I decided to find a spot and wait for him to come out . I waited about 10 minutes , then called and asked to speak to him . " He just left , " the hostess said . I pulled out of my space and my heart stopped . The spot where his car had been was empty . I had managed to be looking the wrong direction . He left from the other way . And he wouldn 't have known my car - - it 's a rental and rather non - descript . It was 5 : 00 . Chances were that he 'd have his son that night , so our plans were off . He still doesn 't have a phone because he 's footing the bill for daycare right now instead . And the only number he has for me is long - distance from here . Communication is not at all convenient . So , I did laundry and visited with some old friends here . All the while , something nagged in my gut . He 's supposed to work Sunday ( today ) , so I could see him then . But if the universe holds true , something is going to happen and make that impossible . It did . He had to call in sick . I know he must be really sick to do that because he 's in need of the money . The thing is , he thinks I 'm leaving Monday . I 'm not . I 'm staying one more day . I was going to tell him that yesterday , when we talked after work . He 's made the comment to me a couple of days ago , " I wish you were here Monday , too . IPosted by There are basically two definitions of " dick , " when not a proper name . First , there 's the obvious , anatomical one . The other refers to people who are one . A man I used to work with IS one . He 's the printer , but you 'd think he was King of England when you go out to eat with him . He likes his servers to be transparent . Serve his whims , at his whim , and say " Yes , sir , " and be delighted with it . If he 's unhappy with a server , he makes it known and infects those around him with it . Well . . . . Greg is anything but transparent . Greg is a lively waiter . He hassles and plays with his customers . He makes them smile . Except for Dick . Some of my former coworkers organized a little group for lunch , made up of those who worked closely with me . Sweet of them . But Dick went , too . And I 'd forgotten how he can be . We went to Friday 's for lunch . I thought it would help boost Greg 's tips for the day . It was a disaster waiting to happen . Greg stopped to take our drink orders . When Dick gave his , he was his usual loud , somewhat pretentious self . To those of us who know him as a tremendous loudmouth , what happened next was hilarity itself . Greg leaned in and said , " Sir , please . Inside voice . " Now , I 've seen Greg say this to other people . He simply had no idea what a nail he 'd struck on the head this time . Dick fumed . When Greg left , Dick turned to me and said , " I don 't think I like him . " I replied , " Really ? I like him very much . " Dick frowned . To give you an idea of how this went , here are some snippets . After Dick drained his tea glass very quickly , Greg said , " Now , sir , I 'm going to have to ask you to slow down . Do you have a designated driver ? " Dick : " How about you just keep refilling it whenever I want . Isn 't that what you 're paid to do ? " Dick later decides to switch from tea to Diet Coke . He orders that . Greg : " Oh , I see ! Trying to confuse me , are you ? " Dick : " No , that 's just what I feel like drinking . It 's your job to get it for me . " Greg threw me a wide - eyed look and decided to back off the kidding around with Dick . Too late . The man was in full Posted by You needn 't worry , dear diary . Work was the priority today . Dammit . I got to my old office at 9 : 00 this morning . Only a few people knew I was coming , so it took forever to get through the hallway . Many people said , " Hi ! " like it was a normal thing to still see me there , then the lightbulb came on , they did a double - take , and wanted hugs . I probably answered " How do you like Colorado ? " about twenty times . Then , we got down to business . We talked about courses , course management systems , instructional design , and professors . We talked about projects I helped start . We talked about a major shakeup in the department . Several , actually . As the meetings went on , I watched the clock . Greg wanted me to come see him when his shift started . 11 : 00 . At 11 : 30 , I know his rush was starting . At 12 : 30 , I finally said my last goodbye ( for today ) and made the twenty minute drive to the restaurant . The lunch rush was about over . I walked in the door and could see him watching me . He rushed to the front and maneuvered past the hostess . " I 'll take her , " he said , and ushered me to a table next to the wait stand . " I thought you 'd be here earlier , " he said . " I thought you weren 't coming ! " " I 'm sorry , " I said . " I just finished working . " " Well , see . . . . I thought you weren 't coming , so I picked up a closing shift . " " No ! " He nodded . " Yep . I saved this table right here for you all morning . Kept it open , and now your sweet ass comes in here , and I 'm kicking myself . " He promised to try to give away that shift . As usual , he came and went as I ate my lunch . The conversation came in snippets , but the pieces added up to something like this . " I 've never been at wit 's end before , but this week has done it , " he said . " The only thing that 's gotten me through is knowing I 'd have time with you at the end of it . I can 't wait to be in your arms again . " " I 'm sorry it 's been so bad . " " It 's not your fault , baby . I 'm sure glad you 're here . Take me back to Colorado with you this time ? " " That would be nice , " I said , sighing . " Yeah , but your kids would freak out if I just showePosted by It 's a pleasant day in Western Colorado . It was Wednesday morning . I have plenty of time to get packed and out the door . The drive to Montrose ( about 1 hour , 15 minutes ) is very nice . Cold outside , but the sun is shining ! I get checked in at the little airport . There are two gates at this one , about 50 feet apart . They share the same waiting area . I settle in to wait for the plane . Big windows let you see the whole area outside the gates , and the planes on the tarmac . I look down to read . When I look up , outside has turned white . All white . Blowing white . WTF ? ? When asked about delays , the woman at the counter says , " What ? For a little snow ? " Welcome to Colorado . We were delayed . A lot . I worried that I 'd miss my connection in Dallas . The flight leaves at 4 : 50 . We 're due at 4 : 20 , if the pilot 's estimate is correct . The flight attendant seems to doubt it . The woman behind me has a screaming infant and is talking loudly about how we 're going to crash and we 're all going to die . Thankfully , she 's wrong . We taxi in to gate B11 . The flight attendant says my connection leaves from B10 . Oh , thank goodness ! Sitting near the back of the plane , I want to shove everyone else out of the way and make a mad desh for the terminal . But I 'm patient . Well , I 'm quietly impatient . I finally step into the terminal . . . . to hear my flight being called . A dash to the next gate and short wait in line and I 'm on the plane ! Whew ! I see my old boss from The Weirdest Job Ever on the same flight . It 's been years ! And I wish for time to chat , but her seat is in the back of the plane . I settle in by the window and hope to God that the person with the seat beside me doesn 't show up . But he does . And his salesman buddies . And they are LOUD . They 've come from a big company meeting and are complaining about one woman executive in particular . The man next to me says , loudly , " Her only problem is she needs a man . If she had a man , she 'd be easier to get along with . " He has a deep Texas twang and I 'm embarrassed for all Texans , everywhere . He 's also congested . Posted by I finally heard from South Carolina . He sounds terrible . The help his ex needed was psychiatric . He decided to come home early one day , close to two weeks ago . He found his ex writing a note . A suicide note . And she had his handgun beside her . " If I 'd been 30 minutes later . . . , " he said . Ex 's sister has returned from Iraq to be with her , and their son has moved in , too . South Carolina feels his presence isn 't helping , since she doesn 't recall their split and divorce . He 's moved into a coworker 's house . A large house with plenty of room for him , he says . She has had in - patient and out - patient care . She 's heavily sedated . She still tries to call him , but she 's groggy most of the time . His heart breaks for her , and he feels wrung out from it all . He 's exhausted , but not sleeping . He 's lost 12 pounds in two weeks . " I know I 'm far away , " I said . " But what can I do to help you ? " " I could use a backrub , " he says . " But that 's not possible . . . . " " I would if I could , " I say . " You know that , yes ? " " Yes . Thank you . " " Maybe in March . I can give you a bit of an oasis , then . I know it 's awhile off , but how about the backrub then ? In the meantime , call me anytime you need to . " " Okay . I will . I appreciate that . " Then , I told him to get some sleep , and he did . I haven 't talked to him again , but my heart just breaks for his situation , and for what his ex must be going through . For her , it must be like a walking death , having lost everything she could once do and rely on . If you 're a praying person , include her , okay ? A little here and there , on this atypical Saturday . It 's atypical because we don 't actually have anything scheduled today . That never happens ! First , does anyone know what would cause the blood vessels on the inside of your lower eyelid to burst ? You can 't tell anything 's wrong from the outside , but the inside of my lower lid is a deep red and I had blood in the tear duct this morning . Maybe it 's related to the dehydration earlier this week ? It 's been hard to stay hydrated since then . That 's gross . Sorry , dear diary ! Second , my son really needs to find a girlfriend who isn 't embroiled in drama . Serious drama . He has the tendency to be attracted to girls who need to be " rescued . " This one has a bizarre home life . Her folks split up with when her mom refused to participate in the swinger lifestyle . However , her dad has custody of the kids , and they all live with a couple , who he got " married " to in Las Vegas last year . I 'm thinking that there 's a part of the story we don 't know , given that the mother is allowed visitation with the kids for only two hours on two weekday evenings . Well , this girlfriend wants to live with her mom . So , mom approached dad about it the other night . The man goes ballistic , says something horrible to her , and she hits him . Hits him . He calls the police , and her butt is in jail . Way to go , on showing you 're fit to have your teenager back . So , this dad has not put the clamps on daughter , because she wants to live with her mom , and she 's not allowed to see anyone . This means my son is all broody about it . I spent last night talking to him about why it 's a bad idea to decide to marry her right out of high school , so he can save her from her home life . Blech . But he 's 16 . He 's had a couple of good meals and is in a better attitude now . He 's telling me right now that he 's hungry again . Third , I have been concerned about South Carolina . He 's been completely silent for the whole week . No texts , no emails , no calls , and not even online for IMs . I sent a text , expressing concern and that I hope all is wellPosted by The daily accounts of my life , in all its emotional and anecdotal glory . Or the lack thereof , on some days . Want to email me ? BloggetJones @ gmail . com Old BF : Not sure he 'd know the truth if it bit him in the ass . Offended me for the last time . Over and gone . Still tries to contact me , occasionally . South Carolina ( or " SC " ) : after much waffling , has remarried his ex . . . but that doesn 't seem to stop his wandering hands . I think he thought we 'd still be " friends with benefits . " Guess again , bud . Greg : has fallen into complete self - absorption . He thinks lying and being hurtful is good . And I 'm bad for not sending him money . I 've told him to leave me alone . Karl : started calling again . Then stopped again . A year later , I see him on Facebook . He 's married . Now he 's not . Sends messages now and again . Bear : Called regularly to see if I 'd give him another shot . When I did , he effed it up royally . Maturity of an adolescent boy . BB ( British Bloke ) : A name given by a friend ! Younger than me , but loves like me . Truly long distance relationship , but we 're making it work . |
Today was such an awesome day . I made egg salad for our picnic , I grabbed extra bread so we could feed the birds , and I just grabbed whatever chips we had open . Nikki and I loaded up and headed down to base to pick up George . We picked up George and headed for the beach . It was a little chili , but there was not a cloud in the sky and the ocean was just perfect . As we were eating we asked this one lady if she would like to give her son some bread to feed to the birds . She said no . So we started breaking up the bread and tossing it into the sky . I am not sure what type of birds they were but they were beautiful . Nikki reminded me that there was a bird refuge just down the beach , so who knows . Anyway it was so cool watching the birds hover over us . Everywhere we looked there were birds ! It was just so cool ! As we were getting ready to leave the lady came back up to us and asked us if we any bread left . I did not but we did have two bags of corn chips left , so we busted them out . One of the boys came up next to me and I handed him some chip and started talking to him . The lady said " he has Autism and is none verbal , but his name is Warren " . Warren and I had a great time feeding the birds . By the end of our 10 minutes together he was smiling . Warren made the day at the beach a blessing . Even if he was none verbal I knew he was having a good time . Then we headed to the art museum , The quilts were just awesome . It was different from what I was expecting . Not all the quilts were " quilts " . A few people had actually pained on the material . They were very nice and very creative . The handi work that went into these quilts was just amazing . Then Nikki said lets go to the thrift store . Nikki scored so great deals today . We found two formals , a shirt and a pair of slacks for her . I scored this awesome dress . I am not sure what country it is from , but I just love it . I would say I will have to take a picture of it , but that really does no good since I cant load the pictures right now . Anyway , $ 75 later we finally got out of there . ThenPosted by I just got off the phone with a girlfriend that I do not speak to nearly enough . I heard through the grape vine that she was having a hard time . So I picked up the phone and called . My friend Kim is having issues with her son Garrett . He has not been home in 12 day 's , he is running around with some " less the desirable " girl , and Kim does not even know what else . Kim is not alone in this . If you have raised a teenager , you know all about teen rebellion . I guess what really hit me like a ton of bricks was the fact that Garrett comes from a very well off family . Every year Garrett goes on the mission trips with Nikki , and every year the money just appears for him . Last year Garrett wanted to go to Fiji , so his parents just gave him the money to go . Garrett wears the best clothes and shoes . If money can buy it Garrett has it . What struck me was the fact that it really does not matter what your economic status is , teens are just hard . I guess I just always assumed that if you had the money to give your children everything , and they wanted for nothing that they would be grateful little shits . I guess I was wrong . I told Kim that I would be calling her every day until she is o . k . I will be her rock to lean on , and if I see Garrett I am going to kick his ungrateful butt ! On to a happier note . Today I was flipping through a local magazine and I discovered that the Oceanside museum of modern art is having a quilt expo ! I called Rusty today and I was just so excited about . Rusty finally said " Do I have to go ? " I told him no that this was girl 's day out and that he was staying home with Ryan . So tomorrow Niiki and I are going to go get George ( female marine ) and we are going to quilt expo . The price is right too ! It is free . So I am going to pack us up a lunch and after the expo we can go have lunch on the beach . I am so looking forward to this ! Yesterday was an awesome day for me . The weather was nice , so I got outside and trimmed all of my rose bushes back . I must say that the house now looks bare , but I know that in the spring they will start to grow , and by the end of summer they will be almost to the roof top . I went to the 99 cent store and bought a ton of conditioner . They actually have this expensive conditioner that is only sold in beauty shops . So I stocked up on that . . . . o . k . I bought 20 bottles of it . But the girls are happy . Then I took Nikki and Ryan out to McDonald 's , and we went to the lake and had a picnic . We had not done that in a very long time , so it was nice to spend that time with them . I got my next quilt cut out . I have never done this pattern , so I hope that it turns out ! I am doing a black cat with a purple back ground . This quilt will be going to one of the marines babies . I made this little girl a quilt when she was born , but she has grown since then . I know go figure . But I figured since her birthday is in February She will get a new quilt from me . I really hope that quilt turns out because if it does then I am going to make more of them . Nikki cooked dinner last night . I must say that she did a good job ! I was very proud of her . Last night Rusty and I curled up in bed and we watched the bucket list . I can 't remember the last time Rusty and I watched a movie together . We both have very different taste in movies . Rusty and I even had old people sex last night . Everything was great and then Rusty got a leg cramp ! LOL I just had to laugh . I am so glad that Rusty and I can laugh about these things . Today it is suppose to be nice again , so I need to get the garage cleaned up a little bit more . Most of the Christmas stuff is already put away , but there are still a few items left . I know that soon we will have another storm blow in and then I wont be able to get outside , so I better take advantage of the nice weather now . One of the marines is looking for a cable or something , so that I can hook up my camera and download the picturPosted by I am so shocked that I really don 't have a lot to do today . I need to trim my rose bushes , go to the store , and that is about it . I can 't believe I have all the laundry done , the kitchen is clean , so there is really not a lot I have to get done today ! I am so amazed . Last night was just so tired that he came home and went right to bed . So I packed his dinner up for lunch . I am just so blessed to have a man that works and provides for us very well . We know two couples that are getting married and I have been really thinking about what to get them . I wanted to buy them something useful . So I asked both couples and neither of them have a cake server set for the wedding . So I went down to the base and I bought one set . I did good . I was able to buy a Lenox set for $ 50 ! The price tag on it said $ 58 per piece , but that was retail and not the military price . I am just glad that I found something nice and something they will use . We are finally getting some nice weather and Ryan has actually been outside playing ! I told Rusty that it is nice to see him playing with other children and doing something other then sitting in the house . This morning I watched the bucket list and that was an awesome movie ! I have a few things on my bucket list , but I can 't go and do them unless Rusty dies first . I want to spend a Christmas in Bethlehem . Rusty said the only way I am going to the Middle East is if we go with the protection of the marines . I know that area of the world is not safe , but I still want to go there . Well my rose bushes are calling me . Posted by I should not be sitting here , but I am . I should be cleaning up the house , but I am not . Instead I am sitting here with a sleeping kitten on my lap . I guess if you have a full belly , a dry bottom and a warm blanket , you think it is nap time ? I was going to load all the Christmas pictures today , but that won 't happen . Last week some time our computer took a crap , and now we are using one of our daughters computer and this computer does not have a slot for me insert my card . I guess I will have to wait until Rusty gets home . Everyone had fun building gingerbread houses . Rusty even whispered in my ear , " this was a good idea ! " I am just glad that everyone had a good time . I must say that some of the marines got very competitive . But I guess I should have expected that from the marines . I am finally getting our house put back together . For whatever reason I just could not stand to see the Christmas stuff any longer , so it all came down yesterday . Now I am trying to get my house back to normal . However normal is a relative term . My mom is upset with me . She bought me a Vera Wang night gown and robe . I have no idea who Vera Wang is , but I have been told that she is a designer . Anyway , I love the robe and night gown , but I am still wearing my old robe . I just don 't want to ruin the new robe . Maybe once the kitten leaves I will wear it . The girls are made at me . I happened to mention that my mom wanted to buy them a WII . I told her no . So Amber called my mom and said " Don 't ask my mom if you can buy us a WII , we want one ! " So I have a feeling that my children will be getting a WII . Rusty had to work today . I told him that I would go with him , and help him do inventory , but Rusty very nicely told me no since I really do not know the gear . So instead I am going to do a few little things for him . I am making him hamburger helper for dinner . I don 't know why , but he just loves hamburger helper . I am washing all of our bedding . Rusty just loves clean sheet night ! Well , I am going to guess that if I do not get back to cleaning , Posted by I am sitting here tonight with my ever faithful dog right next to me . Rusty is watching t . v . and everyone else just left to see a movie . I house is still . This year the girls have finally gotten why I love Christmas so much . Both of the girls have told me that over the years they use to hate it when I would make them pick out a toy , or some clothing , just so I could give it away . Now they are looking back and laughing . My Nikki is called a mouse . My dad has always called her that , so it is still sticking . Back in the summer Amber found some mouse fleece , so she bought it and made a blanket for Nikki . All day Nikki has been saying " Look what my sister made for me " . My mom cried when I gave her the scarf that I made out of my dads old ties . I am so glad that she liked it . Warren cried when he got his quilt . He was so happy that someone actually thought of him . Nikki 's boyfriend Chris had a nice Christmas . He did not want to spend Christmas with us because he said that he was intruding . He did not even want to come watch us open gifts . My mom finally told him to get his ass down stairs . To his surprise he had gift 's waiting for him . I bought Chris a pack of socks , since all of his old socks had holes in them . My mom bought him an air matres since he has been sleeping on the cold floor . Tonight I am so proud of Chris because he has learned that Christmas is not about the price tag that hangs off something , but rather it is about knowing that people care . Tonight I am proud of Nikki , for never being to good for a homemade Christmas gift . Tonight I am proud of Amber , because she really put time and thought into Nikki 's gift , and that is worth so much more then any gold coin . Tonight I am proud of myself because I have influenced these lives and I am getting to see what wonderful young adults they are becoming . So I as I sit here drinking out of my new Winnie the pooh cup , I am so thrilled . It is time for me to slip into a nice bath and just smile at the fact that my children have finally gotten the meaning of Christmas . LIFE IS GPosted by So , here it is Christmas eve . I am not going anywhere today , but I do have a lot of people coming here . Tonight 's numbers should top around 20 extra people . Some will stay for Christmas and some are are leaving to go home . I still can 't believe that two of the marines are driving to Montana on Christmas day ! Tonight we are going to drink home made eggnog . . . spiked ! My mom makes the best eggnog ever . We are also going to make ginger bread houses . This should be very interesting . . . . drunk marines trying to make ginger bread houses . Yes , I will get pictures . My mom and daughters are on my nerves . My mom can 't just " be " . She thinks that if the dishes sit in the sink over night that we are all going to die . I just don 't care . My mom does not recycle , so I have to dig threw our trash and pull all the stuff out . My mom babies Ryan . I do not . My mom caters to his every whim . Once my mom leaves I will have to reprogram Ryan and remind that he can do certain things and that I am not his waitress or maid . The girls just follow my mom 's lead . So I am trying not to cause waves . I am just letting it all go . I keep reminding myself that she leaves on Friday . . . . . if Chicago is not snowed in . I do need to go get some last minute cleaning done , oh . . . . I went to the islands last night ! So here I sit . I have gotten our bedroom cleaned up , got some carpets cleaned , and I finally have a sex drive again . Rusty is on vacation this week , and I told him that I want to go to the island of comeonawannalayya . So I go to our bed room about 9 last night and he is fast asleep . It has been the same all week ! I am married and I want sex damn it ! O . K . off my soap box . My mother is an eco disaster ! I swear this lady is increasing my foot print by being here . My mother goes threw a roll of paper towels every other day ! I go threw a roll every month . My mother keeps buying things that she is using once and then throwing it away . I throw out one bag of trash a week ! Oh I can 't wait to have my eco life back . Well , I still have stuff to do to get ready for Christmas . I still have not gotten my table cleaned off . Oh one of the guy 's that is coming up asked me if I liked fresh fruit . He said that since he got stuck working at the chow hall he will bring me a ton of fruit ! Cool . I am thinking fresh orange juice . Yummmm . Posted by Well after several delays , and having to drive down to San Diego , my mom got here . I must say that it was nice to see her . My mom is out with the girls , and Rusty took Ryan shopping so I actually had some time to myself . I forgot how nice it is to have the house to myself . Ryan has chores that he has to do every day . He has to unload the dish washer , take out the recycling , and hoover the house . Then every time Rusty gets paid Ryan gets $ 10 dollars . Ryan really does not have a concept of money , but he knows that he has to have it to buy stuff . Rusty said that Ryan did good this year and that they found some great bargains . Ryan even bought Rusty lunch . I am really impressed with Ryan because he really try 's to buy stuff that everyone would like . We have two ideas for Christmas eve . We are either going to stay home and get drunk on egg nog and have a ginger bread house building contest . Or we are going to go visit a dear friend in the assisted living home . We were going to go visit this friend , but they moved him on the day we were going to hospital . We are waiting to here what home he was moved to , if it is to far then we are not going to try to fight the traffic . So we will see . The kitten is getting so big and is trying to learn to stalk . It is just to cute . I should wean him , but I am just not in the mood , so I figure I will wait until after the holidays . Most of the marines have headed home for the holiday 's , but they all stopped by to say goodbye and to grab a bite to eat . I swore that I was being turned into a short order cook , but I would not have it any other way . I love cooking for my boy 's . Well I still need to attempt to get my dinning room table cleaned off , and I need to get my bathroom cleaned , so I better get it done . I just wish that some cleaning elves would stop by . . . . . I know have talked about this homeless man that hangs around a few stores that I go to . Yesterday I ran into him again . I got behind him in line and the cashier asked him if he had any money to buy his cookies and milk and he said no but I am hungry . I told the cashier that I would buy his cookies and milk . I have done this for this guy several time 's , but yesterday , he turned and looked at me and said thank you . That was the first time the homeless guy ever spoke to me . Later that evening I told Amber that I had run into this guy again . Amber said " I wonder if he has any family ? Do they know he is homeless ? " I don 't know the answers to these questions . What I do know is that it is getting cold here and this man does not even have a winter coat . We do not have a homeless shelter here , so I have no idea where he is sleeping , or what he is doing to stay worm . Then I remembered an entry that I wrote some time last year . It was called women unite . http : / / thoughtofasonerwhitewomen . blogspot . com / 2007 / 03 / women - unite . htmlSo I am going to raise challenge that I gave to everyone else . I am have a nice warm sweatshirt that I am going to give him , Rusty has some really nice cold weather sock 's , so I know he wont miss one pair , and I going to do my best to get a tie blanket done for this man . I still have a few last minute things I need to get done today . Today is Rusty 's birthday and he is already gone . He had to take that marine to the airport . This afternoon I have to go get my mom and then the real fun will begin . Here are some pictures of my eco friendly gifts . The rug is made out of plastic bags . I made my girlfriend a ball of plarn and she made a rug out of it ! I love this . I am going to put it by my door . It can be washed and lets face it . . . . it will never break down . Next our my tea cup ordainment . I found all of these cup and saucers at a yard sale . I had the glue and ribbon . So far everyone I have given them to have loved them . I love them because the are unique and everyone knows how much I love tea . I have an idea for next Christmas , so I will have to start looking for all the items . . . . at yard sales and thrift stores ! Just remember to think outside the box , and you will be amazed at what you can come it up . Reduce , recycle and reuse . Posted by I was just a little busy yesterday . I had a long to do list , but I did not get it all done , so today I need to finish up . I am trying to get everything done before my mom comes in . I don 't want to have to be cleaning while everyone is here for the holiday 's . Then it hit me . I know why she does not want to drive up there . She has never driven on snow or ice before . I grew up driving on that stuff , so I just assume that every can . I will need to ask Rusty to take Amber up there and teach her how to drive in the snow , how to get out of a skid , and all that fun stuff that goes along with winter weather . Sticking to my true white trash roots . I drove the children up there , but I never even got dressed . Yep , I stayed in my pj " s and my robe all day , so that is what I wore to drive the kids up the mountain . I really did not care , after all I was not getting out of the car . I have no desire to play in the snow . I hate being cold ! All of the children had fun and I know that is the important thing . While I may hate the snow , I need to remember that my children have not grown up in the snow . I need to remember that it is the little things like a snowball fight , that kids enjoy . The quilt at the top of the page is the quilt that I was asked to make . This quilt is going to Warren . Now there is a story behind Warren , so go grab a hot drink and settle down . Warren was in the military , I can 't tell much more then that , I met him at the VFW . Warren tends bar and often cooks dinners . Then it happened . Someone found out that Warren is HIV positive . The old people started raising hell about all of this . They wanted warren fired from tending bar , and they did not want him cooking anymore . This battle came to a head at a post meeting . When Rusty came home I asked him what the out come was . Warren gets to stay . I was very glad to hear that . The next time I saw Warren I said " Warren , I am not a member of the post , so I knew it was not my place to go to the meetings , however I am so glad that you are still here . You can make me a drink and a meal anytime . " Warren cried . Over the years Warren has been in and out of the hospital for a lot of different things . I make it a point to go see him . I am the only one that goes and sees him . I guess I am the only one who knows you can 't catch HIV from visiting someone in the hospital ? I found out that no one invited Warren to Thanksgiving dinner . I could not believe it . I told Rusty if I had known that I would have invited him . That was when I said " People can be so cruel to him " . Rusty said " Yes , and they do it on purpose . " When Warren found out that I was in the hospital he pulled Rusty aside . Warren said " I hear Kelli was in the hospital ? " Rusty : " Yes she was , but she is home now and doing much better . " Warren : " Do you this shovel ? I am going to shove this up your ass sideways the next time you do not tell me that Kelli is sick . " Rusty : " I will tell you next time " So Warren is coming to Christmas dinner . I will make it a point to invite Warren to every holiday event we have . Also Warren has wanted one of my quilts for a long time , so here it is . Warren has no idea that it is coming , so I am hoping to get a picture of him when he sees his quilt . I got this award , so I am going to do my best with this . I am not good at making links , and having to choose so please be patient with me ! The Rules : ♥ list 10 honest things about yourself ♥ pass the award onto 7 blogs that you find brilliant in their content or design ♥ link to the blogger who gave you this prize ♥ link to the blogs receiving the prize ♥ notify the recipients 1 . I love to sew2 . I wish I would have known my in laws better before they passed3 . I miss my dad everyday and I wish he was still alive . 4 . I love the rain and the ocean . 5 . I hate snow and being cold . 6 . I hate clutter . 7 . I am trying to become the crazy cat lady . 8 . I love my husband more then anything in the world . 9 . I love to take a bath10 . I am a hippy at heart . O . K . now I have to pick 7 people ? 1 . Liz is waiting for husband to come from Iraq and he should be in soon . So I think everyone should go over there and thank her and her family for the sacrifices they make so her husband can defend OUR freedoms . WELCOME TO THE BLOG OF A USMC WIFE 2 . Mellisa is a young lady that seems to be finding her way in the world . . . and doing a great job at it . Mellisa works at a school and can 't wait for Friday to come because then she will be on Christmas break ! Somewhere 2 Hide 3 . Reduce Footprints is a journal about simple things we can all do to help save our planet . I love this journal because it help me be aware of the world around us . 4 . This gal is from Scotland and is just a riot ! She loves her dogs and we all know what a big pet lover I am . the adventuresofminnie & fergus 5 . Paula is just so much fun . I want to be like her when I am her age . She has some awesome tales about living in Texas . Last year on our road trip when I stopped to pick Paula up she said " I will be the old lady in the center of town with my cow . " paulinescountrytales 6 . Betty , is a dear friend that is always there for me . She has helped me through some really tough times . She has also been a cheerleader for our daughters ! Thanks Betty a corgi in southern california 7 . And LasPosted by There are a few rules in my house . The number one rule is do not wake me from a nap unless someone is dead . Which did happen a few years back . Anyway , Nikki came in and woke me up and said come on mom we need to go . I just stared at Nikki . Chris , the boyfriend , got kicked out again . Great ! So while I am getting my shoes on Nikki is on the phone calling some people from church , and trying to find a place for Chris to live . Amber is cleaning out both of our cars . So off we go to get Chris . Both of the cars are ready to be load with everything he owns . Nikki gets a call back that Chris can live with another young couple from church . O . K . we now have a place for him to live . Then Nikki asks me a question about the mother from hell . The best way I can describe this women is like a chocolate Easter bunny . They are both hollow and have nothing inside . The mother from hell may look good on the outside , but wow , watch out because you get past her shell , . . . well it is really sad . Amber , Nikki , and Chris start loading all of his belongings into our cars . Then he was told to take his cat , or she ( the mother ) would have it put to sleep . So we grab the cat . Amber went home and I took Nikki and Chris to a job interview . ( Thanks Betty . . . she helped find this job ) After that it was back home to grab some dinner and then they went to youth group . After youth group Amber and I loaded up the cat and we went and got Nikki and Chris and took Chris to his new home . There are a few ground rules that Chris needs to follow . As long as he stays there he must go to church if the doors are open , he must finish high school and he must find a job . Chris agreed to those rules . Last night the girls got on craigslist and looked for some stuff for Chris and they even posted an ad for some stuff that he needs . Here I sit this morning . I am very proud of the girls for pulling together to help someone out . Amber even offered to take Chris along to pass out flyer 's and make some extra money . Now I have a few tasks at hand . I am going to take some food over to Posted by I do believe that a few entries back back I said that I could do one kitten in my sleep . Well , this little guy is going to keep me on my toes ! I go up this morning and he was sitting on my dirty laundry . He has already learned to scale the crate ! Then I fed him his breakfast and put him down for a nap , well . . . he got out of his blankets and climbed up on the sofa ! Oh he is such a boy . I did finish the quilt top ! I love this quilt . I just hope the gentlemen that is getting it loves it as much as I do . I am going to send Amber to the store to buy some batting , so I am hoping to get it quilted today . I think I see the sun . I better look at it because we have more rain on the way . Someone should build me an ark . Yesterday afternoon my chest started feeling tight . I know that it is caused by this crazy weather . So I went and bought some stuff to help me cough up this crap . Now I can 't stop coughing . Oh the joys that are my life . The boyfriend went home last night . I do feel bad for this kid . He is trying to get a job and once he gets a job , he is moving out . We did tell him that if he gets kick out to give us a call . We won 't let this kid sleep on the streets . I still don 't get it . However I am going to lead by example . I am going to teach the girls how to have compassion , and how to help others . I am going to make this a teaching opportunity without saying a word . Rusty is taking next week off . I can 't wait to spend a whole week with him ! We will be able to sleep in , have morning sex , and just chill . Rusty so needs this down time , so I will have to pamper him . Well I need to go find speed racer the kitten and then I need to get my day started . I am trying to get everything done before my mom arrives on Friday . I also have the carpet guy coming on Friday , so I have a lot to do . Can someone clone me ? Rusty had to pull off the road and put his truck in 4 wheel drive ! nI can 't believe it was snowing here . Anyway , he jumped in behind a convoy of hummers going back to pendleton , so he made it home . Here are some pictures of our flooded yard , and one of the new baby . We are guessing he is about 3 or 4 weeks old now . Here in southern California we are getting hammered with rain . Some places are suppose to get snow , but I don 't think we will see any of it . I am not going to complain about the rain , because we really need the rain . The sad thing is our ground is so dry , and the rain is coming down so fast , that most of the water is running off . I got a new foster kitten this weekend . He is just so cute ! I only have one baby this time , and he is about 3 or 4 weeks old . I will have to take a picture of him . Rusty is coming back from 29 Palm early , so he should be in sometime today . I so want to see him . When Rusty left he was feeling really bad and he just wanted to curl up and sleep . Poor guy , I will pamper him tonight . Well , Nikki 's boyfriend spent the night last night . His mom kicked him out of the house . . . . . . again . I do feel bad for this kid . He is a good kid , his mom is just strung out on booze and pills . So I don 't know how long he will be here , if his mom sobers at all day I am sure she will call him . I keep telling this kid , you know you just have get your diploma and then I would join the military and never look back . I need to go get some bread started , and I need to get the chili in the crock pot . Rusty loves this meal . Laundry is on my list and I have to work on that quilt . However since it is raining , it will be a good day to stay at home and get everything done . I am glad that it is Friday . Not that I really have anything planned for the weekend , but at least Rusty will be home early . Last night was one of those nights when I should have slept on the sofa . All Rusty did all night was toss and turn and talk . I have never heard that man as much as he did last night . Sometimes I can figure out what he is saying . One time he was yelling at someone to get down , another time he was yelling because there was not enough fuel . Last he was just rambling . So to say the least I did not get much sleep . Today I need to work on a quilt , get dinner started ( bbq beef sandwiches ) and do all the things that a stay at home mom does . Yesterday , Tom asked me what vitamins I take . I do take vitamins , but I am not sure what I run on . Could it be my a type personality ? Could it be that no one knows what momma does until momma don 't do it ? Could it be that I am an over achiever . . . . . my old teachers would disagree with that ! I don 't know , I just do it . I talked to my mom last night and she will be here on the 19th . She will arrive in San Diego early in the day , so she is going to take the train to Oceanside , and then Rusty will pick her up . It will be nice to see my mom , but I know that by the end of her visit I will be glad to see her go . Why is that ? Why do mother get under their daughters skin ? I am trying so hard not to be my mom . Yesterday one of Amber 's friends was over and he said that he has to be out of the house by Feb . I was like what ? Yep his parents told him " You are 18 , so get out " . I am hearing that more and more . I don 't get it . Now that the girls are older I love having them around . Trust me when they were two you could have taken them ! Now I can actually have a conversation with them , they help me out more , and I love hanging out with them . I will say that as far as the girls go my parenting has changed . I am not longer teaching I am more guiding . I love the age that they are at now . Amber thought she had a job , but that job fell through . She is just so bummed . Amber did finally sober white women For the past few weeks I have been reminding myself that I need to go buy Ryan new socks . But every time I went to the store I would forget . Today I was sewing away and that is when it hit me . Why am I buying Ryan socks ? I have a drawer full of mens socks that I got in a box of stuff . So I went and pulled out seven pairs and wrote a big R on the bottom . Now what to do with all the old socks . I must say that the socks are very worn , so most of them wont be of much use . Or could they ? I am going to gather up all of his old sock and take a look at them . I will throw some in Rusty 's rag box . . . . . I have no idea what he does with them , but I know he uses them . I will throw some in my rag box . They are good enough to scrub the toilet with or they can clean up pet barf . So one the hunt I went for ways to reuse old socks and here is what I found . 1 . When dusting or cleaning , simply slip the sock over your hand and use it to wipe down anything in the home . 2 . Fill a sock with rice or wheat , heat in the microwave for a few seconds , and use it as a heating pad . 3 . You can certainly make a sock puppet , or two , or three . . . 4 . Put a ball inside and tie off the end to make a tug toy for a dog . Or fill with catnip for a kitty . 5 . Fill with leftover soap pieces and use in the washing machine for washing delicates . 6 . Shoe Polisher . Rather than ruining one of your good rags for shoe polishing , employ an old sock . The soft fabric is a good buffer and will give your shoes a nice shine . 7 . Tidy Pedicure . Use old socks to protect your bedding while giving yourself an overnight pedicure . Rub Vaseline or another thick cream on your feet and cover them with old socks . Overnight your feet with be moisturized and softened , all without getting anything sticky on your bed sheets . Please feel free to leave me your suggestions on some other way 's to use old socks . Just think today I saved green by going green , and using what I had instead of buying something again . Yesterday was a good day . My first stop was the wounded warrior center . Once we got the quilts inside , we met a marine that was just checking in . So we used this marine to hold up all the quilts . This marine actually chose three quilts . He chose a big one for his bed and a small one for his son , and he chose a Christmas quilt . He looked like a kid in the candy store . I called Rusty and told him that I got to meet one of the warriors and that he chose two of my quilts ! I just couldn 't believe that he liked my quilts . Rusty said " well isn 't that a good thing ? " Yes , it is . I am just always amazed . Last year when I made the quilt for the missionary . . . the missionary was crying in the pictures . She just could not believe the kindness of strangers . I do need to be reminded that quilts are special and that not everyone lives with a quilter . Then I headed over to the animal shelter to deliver their quilts . Someone from the base decided that the shelter needed a face lift . They are getting a drop ceiling put in , new sky lights , and Central air and central heat . I was very happy to see all the work being done . I went up to the exchange to grab some lunch . While their someone turned a bunch of sailors loose , and they were all in dress uniforms . They looked so nice . I love the blue cracker jack uniform . It just looks so crisp . I once told Rusty that I think it looks better then the marines dress blues , but he had to disagree . Then I went on the hunt for a Christmas gift for Rusty . Nothing I saw spoke to me . I usually have his Christmas gift picked out in January so I have to to work on it all year . This year I have nothing . Rusty and I don 't really exchange gift 's , we try to do something for each other , or if we do give a gift we try to really shock the person . In the past I have : * made him a marine corps quilt , which he still sleeps with . * the fist year we had Rusty 's china , I broke it all out and served him a full meal on it . * I bought Rusty his mini medals . Now that was not easy . I had to go gather up all of his medals , drivePosted by BRRR is all I can say about our weather here . I live in Southern California so I expect it to be warm all the time , but not this week . BRRRR there goes the gas bill . So yesterday Amber ended up with three bottles of pill 's . I wrote the street name on all the bottles , so she would know what she had . Then I started reading all the side effects . Amber took her pills and placed then on the counter . She said " the side effects are worse then what I have ! " Oh yes my dear . This morning woke up a few minutes before the alarm clock went off . The alarm finally went off and Rusty beat the clock up trying to turn it off . I said " Well good morning sexiest man alive " . Rusty just grunted and went to the bathroom . He came back and crawled into my half of the bed . He put his arms around me and said " You really should put your glasses on . " Then both of the dogs jumped in bed with us . I asked Rusty if need me to wash an of his cold weather stuff since he will be outside working all next week . Rusty said " I was watching the weather channel last night and they said that we are getting snow as low as 1000 feet . " I said " So it will be snowing in 29 palm while you are there ? " Rusty replied " Yes , and we need to move , I hate snow " I quickly said " well I can pack a bag , lets move back to Hawaii " Rusty just glared at me . He loved Hawaii while we were there , but he said that there are way to many people there . It looks like I might be heading out to Palm Springs on Friday . There is a very young marine we know who is getting stationed at 29 palms and he will be flying in . This poor kid does not have a clue about the marine corp yet . Today I am going to go deliver all my quilts . I have 4 going to the Wounded warrior center and 10 going to the animal shelter . Man I have been busier then I thought . But there is no rest for the wicked . I did go buy some blue material and I will get another quilt done before Christmas . It is going to simple squares , but it will be a quilt and it will get done . While I am down at base I am going to look for some more last minutePosted by Yesterday would have been a good day for someone to remind me that children are a blessing . Amber and Nikki went at it all day long . I was waiting for them to start punching each other , but that did not happen . The last time they came to blows I made them go fight in the front yard . If they are going to act like white trash then at least everyone could watch the fight . Ryan 's teacher still can 't figure out how to give him a calculator . So I had to call the principal again . Once again it blows my mind , there are only five children in his class ! Then we got a call from someone at the school asking us if we needed help with some Christmas gifts for Ryan . I listened to this lady babble on . I understand Ryan needs new shoes and he is getting them for Christmas . I just got him new shoes 2 months ago . I am so sorry that my child is hard on his shoes . Yes Ryan does have several winter sweatshirts and a coat . The problem is he wears them to school and never brings them home . So I had to tell Ryan that if he did not bring home all of his crap that he could not play video game or watch t . v . for two day 's . That is the only way we can get through to him . We have to take away the two things that can do . I swear if you have not raised a handi cap child you have no clue what goes on behind closed doors . Today I have to take Nikki to school and go pay my car registration . I am going to go look for a pair of shoes for Ryan , and then it is back home to do the same old routine . Amber is not feeling well today , so she has a doctors appointment today at 2 . This poor child is just so miserable . As for me . I have taken some radical steps as far as my health goes . My friend Deb told me that she had been praying for me and that she just knows that I am not going in for surgery . I had to laugh . I laughed because for a while now I have been really thinking and researching all of my options . Which are very limited when you have no insurance and no money . I went to the hippy store because I needed some more herbs and some ear candles . I got to talkiPosted by I am finally done ! So here are some pictures . I hope you enjoy them . I will have to give a final count later . I am off to get some shut eye . Saturday I ended up having to take a marine down to airport . I asked everyone else in house if they wanted to ride . Only one Marine said yes . So I grabbed Rusty 's pars pass card and we headed down . After we dropped the marine off we headed to Point Loma . That is my favorite spot in SanDiego . The marine that went with me had never been to Point Loma , so I had a blast showing him the base , the light houses , the history and the cliffs . I just love standing high above the ocean and watching the waves crash in . I said " watch out , the rocks are very slippery " . I had just spoken those words when my feet came out from under me . Boom right on back and bum . Yesterday and today I am feeling the pain from that fall . I am scared to look in the mirror . I just know that my whole right side is going to bruse up . After we got back to town I dropped the marine off at the vfw . Everyone was down there watching the fight . I was heading home when it hit me . I was going home to an empty house . That is a good thing , but then I thought , you know what I am going to go to my girlfriends house . We do not get to spend enough time together . Deb ( my friend ) had all three of her grand babies , so I set all of them up at the breakfast bar and we colorede paper plates while Deb and I talked . It was so nice to just be able to talk with her . Then the children were done coloring the plates , so I got out some " magic beans " and we put then in the middle of the plates and stappled the plates closesd . We also placed the " magic beans " in some water bottles . Deb kept laughing at me . She said " only you could take my pinto beans and make instruments and keep those three happy . " That was the best evening I have had in along time . I got to spend some time with a very dear friend , and I kept her grand babies busy while she cooked . For me it was more then that . I was reminded that you dont need anything fancy to make children happy . all we hade were markers , paper plates and beans . The little things are what matters . Sunday I spent the day wrapping Christmas gifts . Posted by Tom got me to thinking . And we have been e mailing back and forth all night . He is a great guy and he got me to think . Which I should not be doing , because it is late I have not had dinner yet , and I still have two quilts to get done . I think this woman 's Sari is just the most beautiful thing I have seen . I am in the process of trying to get my hands on one of these Sari 's . One of our marines is from India and I told him that I wanted one . So he said that he would work on it for me . I told the marine that I would wear it to the marine corps birthday ball if he got me one ! I also have clothing from the middle east . My in laws lived there for 20 years , so I have a lot of really nice clothing from that part of the world . At my mother in laws funeral I even wore one of her middle eastern coverings . This year to the ball I wore a traditional Mexican dress . I loved that dress , and I think I am going to take the dress up , so that I can it all the time . I wear the clothing because I love it . Why was I born Irish / Native American ? I don 't like their clothing . Just for some laughs let me share with you some of my other clothing . . . . all of which will push the limits . 1 . I have a tee shirt that says toughest job in the corp . . . . marine wife . The single guys laugh , and the wives want to know where I got it . 2 . My children were kind enough to buy my a t shirt that says mean people need to be loved too . 3 . I have another t shirt that says this is a war . . . a war of ideas . 4 . then there is my favorite outfit . That would be my husbands p . t . gear . Man his sweats are just so comfy . Nothing screams take me baby I am yours like puke Green clothing . I once wore that to the store and some dude chased me down and told me that I was not allowed to wear that in public . I just looked at him and laughed . That little marine was just way to cute . 5 . my hats always turn heads . I have a black one and a maroon one . I always place a huge dragonfly pin on them . I think hats are very classy , but people still stare at me . 6 . then there are my bib 's . I lPosted by Yesterday morning I was standing around watching Rusty unbolt a fuel tank . Now that did not keep my attention for more the a few seconds . I started looking around the parking lot , and I saw a ton of trash . I went to the warehouse and grabbed the biggest broom I could find . I then started sweeping the parking lot . I found a broke car stereo , lot of beer bottles , some cd 's and a ton of just trash . One of Rusty 's co workers came out and said " you missed a spot " . O . K . , so he is not a tree hugger like me . Even Rusty said " Why bother ? " Well , that is a good question . Why bother cleaning up a parking lot that is off an alley ? Will anyone really notice ? I noticed . I ended up fill a trash bag with all the crap I swept up . While I was throwing the trash away another one of Rusty 's co workers said " the wineo 's will just leave more bottles there tonight . " Today while I was running around I really looked at my community . The parks were clean . The stores I went into were clean . However , there was a lot of trash on the sides of the roads . Does every just see the trash so often that we no longer think about it ? Or does everyone just assume that someone else will clean it up . Now I know that picking up trash out of a parking lot is not as popular as a beach clean up , but why does something have to be popular before it can get done ? Is our community just a public trash can ? Since when is it so hard to place your trash in a trash can ? This is the only planet we have and I would like to know who gave everyone the right to trash it . People need to learn to not only throw their own trash away , but to take a little bit more pride in the community in which they live . This week I challenge everyone to pick up just a grocery sack of someone Else 's trash . That will make a huge impact on our environment , and our communities . Rusty called me Wednesday night to tell me that the fuel pump on his truck went out . So I drove down to get him . Thursday morning I had to drive Rusty to work . I spent the day at Rusty 's shop , just waiting for the truck to get fixed . I was not about to drive home and then have to go back if the truck was not fixed . What I am about to to you happened about four hours before we left Rusty 's shop . For the record let me say that Rusty sell 's guns and gear for the military , and to anyone who walks in the store . I was in the back room and I noticed a dummy that was dressed . The dummy had on a head scarf that the guys can wear while in Iraq or Afghanistan . You wrap the scarf just like any other head dress and it will help keep the sand and other crap off of you . I took the scarf off the dummy and placed it on my head . That scarf was warm and I was getting cold , so I kept it on . Rusty walked in and he just looked at me . I said " I am going for the middle European peasant look " . Rusty was like whatever . It is me , so nothing shocks Rusty any more . I walked out to the store front to see what was going on . That was when one of Rusty 's co works said " Oh look Grumpy ( another co worker ) has lost his mind . First he hired a hippy and now he hired a Muslim women . " Suddenly two marines look up from the gun case and they just stare at me . The look they shot me should have killed me . Then one of the marines picks up a fire arm , and slides the chamber back . He did this while never taking his eyes off me . I just stood there . I know that fire arm was not loaded , so I knew that he could not hurt me . I also know that I made that marine feel very uncountable . So I stood there . I wanted to see this marine be uncomfortable . It was in that moment that I felt hatred leave that marines body and be imposed upon me . It was at that moment that I learned what it was to be hated just because of the way I dressed . It was in that moment that I decided to not take the head covering off . I was going to wear the head covering the rest of the night . I went and gPosted by So yesterday I stopped at target to see if they had they belts I needed . Now I am not suppose to shop at target because they are owned by the French and they do not support the military , but I had no choice but to look there . I pulled into the parking lot and it is full of the special ed buses . I walk into the store and there were a ton of special ed children in there shopping for Christmas . I just smiled because I know that in a few years that will be Ryan in there shopping . Not only were they in there shopping but the target employees had set up a wrapping station and they were wrapping the gifts for the children . It just made my heart melt . These special ed children were so proud of the fact that they had a very nicely wrapped present to give . On the way home from Target The traffic report came on . " Please avoid the 215 north as there is a military convoy taking up the freeway and they are moving slow " . Yep . My husband will be seeing them out in 29 palms . I love seeing the convoys . I will pull off the road and sit on the hood of my car and just wave to them . I was a sewing fool yesterday . I do not know what got into me , but I just sat down at my machine and started going to town . That is a good thing since I have a ton of sewing I need to get done before next Wednesday . Today I am have to get into Ryan 's room and go through some boxes of clothes . Over the summer I had two ladies give me a ton of clothing for Ryan and all the winter stuff I just shoved into a box , well I guess it is time for me to look at everything and figure out what exactly he has and does not have . Once I am done with that I am going to go back to my sewing . I went on my no spending diet several months ago and I have to tell you that I am still keeping up with it , and it is really paying off . If it were not for me questioning every purchase and making do with what I had on hand . . . . well we would be in trouble . By watching every purchase I had the money to buy a new vacuum and to pay Amber 's phone bill this month . I am just amazed at much moPosted by Our house is filled with odd conversation 's from time to time . Last night was no exception . Rusty had a V . A . appointment yesterday and for the most part it went well . Rusty 's blood pressure and cholesterol are still a little high , so they switched his meds . Rusty is down to 195 pounds , which is not bad since he is 6 ' 2 " . Right after Rusty had his heart attack is doctor told him to start taking fish oil pills . Did Rusty listen . . . . NO . So yesterday the doctor prescribed them to him ! Oh I love his little Korean doctor . She is all about natural remedies going along with prescription drugs . Rusty will have to be monitored every six weeks to check for his liver function . Then I find out that Rusty is going to be gone the whole week before Christmas ! I am really getting sick of him working all these shows . But I guess there are going to be a ton of people training , so he has to go . So let me get this straight . You are going to be gone the week before Christmas and the whole month of January ? Yep . Then he goes on to tell me that he is giving a marine a ride to the airport on the 20th . What ? That vein in my head is starting to bulge . I helped this marine find some cheap airfare , but he said non of it was cheap enough because he was broke . How can you be broke ? You just spent 9 months in Iraq , you did not pay your car off , so where is all of your money ? I told this marine that the train goes 5 blocks from the airport and that he could then get a bus transfer to the airport , and that they between the bus and train it would only take him 45 minutes . Another marine told him to call the uso because they run shuttles down to the airport . Oh no that would be to easy . Instead he asks Rusty for a ride . This marine has never given us gas money , and he expects Rusty to take time away from his family , and to top it all off it is Rusty 's birthday ! Whatever . I spoke my peace with Rusty . I hope they get stuck in a ton of traffic and that the marine misses his flight . Yesterday I had to buy a belt for the vacuum . It is a good thing they come iPosted by I had one person ask me via e mail for a picture of my Grinch and to see a picture of me in the red dress . Lyn , also asked , so here you ladies go . Yep that was me about five years ago . Look at how skinny my arms are . Last night I told Rusty what I wrote about . He said that he loves the women I am today . I was just settling into bed last night . I had some anti vomit medicine , so Tylenol p . m . , I had all my favorite blankets and I was watching the Amazing race . Life was good . Then Nikki comes running into our room just crying . She jumps in bed between Rusty and I . Nikki puts her head on Rusty 's chest and she won 't stop crying . O . K . I can 't handle this . My head hurts . Whoever made my daughter cry is going to get their ass kicked . Once we got Nikki calmed down here is what we heard . Nikki was over at the " boyfriends " house and she made him a birthday cake . Well the cake did not turn out . So everyone in the family made fun of her . Even the " adults " in the house . Nikki was so heart broken . O . K . I have issues with this whole family , but now they have put my daughter in tears . Then we hear the " boyfriend " walk in . Rusty gets out of bed . I said " Tell the marines to kick his ass " . Rusty walks out into the living room and says " Listen here you little fuck head if you or your family ever puts my daughter in tears again I . . . . " This morning we are waiting to see if the " boyfriend " shows up . Nikki is / was going to make him homemade donuts for his birthday . This morning I asked the marines why they did not kick the shit of the " boyfriend " . They all looked at me and one finally said " because you did not tell us to . But now he is 18 , so the next time this happens we will take care of it . " So why do I let this " relationship " go on ? That is an easy one . I have tried to talk to Nikki . I have stuck up for Nikki when the family runs her down . I have tried to show Nikki that there is no pleasing a women ( the boyfriend mom ) who is addicted to pain pills , and booze . I have tried until I have nothing left to try with . The big picture is this . Nikki Posted by I am a stay at home mom . I am also married to a veteran and he is the love of my life . I keep it real here and I hold nothing back . My life is a roller coaster ride , so strap on your seatbelt . . . . here we go ! |
Today was such an awesome day . I made egg salad for our picnic , I grabbed extra bread so we could feed the birds , and I just grabbed whatever chips we had open . Nikki and I loaded up and headed down to base to pick up George . We picked up George and headed for the beach . It was a little chili , but there was not a cloud in the sky and the ocean was just perfect . As we were eating we asked this one lady if she would like to give her son some bread to feed to the birds . She said no . So we started breaking up the bread and tossing it into the sky . I am not sure what type of birds they were but they were beautiful . Nikki reminded me that there was a bird refuge just down the beach , so who knows . Anyway it was so cool watching the birds hover over us . Everywhere we looked there were birds ! It was just so cool ! As we were getting ready to leave the lady came back up to us and asked us if we any bread left . I did not but we did have two bags of corn chips left , so we busted them out . One of the boys came up next to me and I handed him some chip and started talking to him . The lady said " he has Autism and is none verbal , but his name is Warren " . Warren and I had a great time feeding the birds . By the end of our 10 minutes together he was smiling . Warren made the day at the beach a blessing . Even if he was none verbal I knew he was having a good time . Then we headed to the art museum , The quilts were just awesome . It was different from what I was expecting . Not all the quilts were " quilts " . A few people had actually pained on the material . They were very nice and very creative . The handi work that went into these quilts was just amazing . Then Nikki said lets go to the thrift store . Nikki scored so great deals today . We found two formals , a shirt and a pair of slacks for her . I scored this awesome dress . I am not sure what country it is from , but I just love it . I would say I will have to take a picture of it , but that really does no good since I cant load the pictures right now . Anyway , $ 75 later we finally got out of there . ThenPosted by I just got off the phone with a girlfriend that I do not speak to nearly enough . I heard through the grape vine that she was having a hard time . So I picked up the phone and called . My friend Kim is having issues with her son Garrett . He has not been home in 12 day 's , he is running around with some " less the desirable " girl , and Kim does not even know what else . Kim is not alone in this . If you have raised a teenager , you know all about teen rebellion . I guess what really hit me like a ton of bricks was the fact that Garrett comes from a very well off family . Every year Garrett goes on the mission trips with Nikki , and every year the money just appears for him . Last year Garrett wanted to go to Fiji , so his parents just gave him the money to go . Garrett wears the best clothes and shoes . If money can buy it Garrett has it . What struck me was the fact that it really does not matter what your economic status is , teens are just hard . I guess I just always assumed that if you had the money to give your children everything , and they wanted for nothing that they would be grateful little shits . I guess I was wrong . I told Kim that I would be calling her every day until she is o . k . I will be her rock to lean on , and if I see Garrett I am going to kick his ungrateful butt ! On to a happier note . Today I was flipping through a local magazine and I discovered that the Oceanside museum of modern art is having a quilt expo ! I called Rusty today and I was just so excited about . Rusty finally said " Do I have to go ? " I told him no that this was girl 's day out and that he was staying home with Ryan . So tomorrow Niiki and I are going to go get George ( female marine ) and we are going to quilt expo . The price is right too ! It is free . So I am going to pack us up a lunch and after the expo we can go have lunch on the beach . I am so looking forward to this ! Yesterday was an awesome day for me . The weather was nice , so I got outside and trimmed all of my rose bushes back . I must say that the house now looks bare , but I know that in the spring they will start to grow , and by the end of summer they will be almost to the roof top . I went to the 99 cent store and bought a ton of conditioner . They actually have this expensive conditioner that is only sold in beauty shops . So I stocked up on that . . . . o . k . I bought 20 bottles of it . But the girls are happy . Then I took Nikki and Ryan out to McDonald 's , and we went to the lake and had a picnic . We had not done that in a very long time , so it was nice to spend that time with them . I got my next quilt cut out . I have never done this pattern , so I hope that it turns out ! I am doing a black cat with a purple back ground . This quilt will be going to one of the marines babies . I made this little girl a quilt when she was born , but she has grown since then . I know go figure . But I figured since her birthday is in February She will get a new quilt from me . I really hope that quilt turns out because if it does then I am going to make more of them . Nikki cooked dinner last night . I must say that she did a good job ! I was very proud of her . Last night Rusty and I curled up in bed and we watched the bucket list . I can 't remember the last time Rusty and I watched a movie together . We both have very different taste in movies . Rusty and I even had old people sex last night . Everything was great and then Rusty got a leg cramp ! LOL I just had to laugh . I am so glad that Rusty and I can laugh about these things . Today it is suppose to be nice again , so I need to get the garage cleaned up a little bit more . Most of the Christmas stuff is already put away , but there are still a few items left . I know that soon we will have another storm blow in and then I wont be able to get outside , so I better take advantage of the nice weather now . One of the marines is looking for a cable or something , so that I can hook up my camera and download the picturPosted by I am so shocked that I really don 't have a lot to do today . I need to trim my rose bushes , go to the store , and that is about it . I can 't believe I have all the laundry done , the kitchen is clean , so there is really not a lot I have to get done today ! I am so amazed . Last night was just so tired that he came home and went right to bed . So I packed his dinner up for lunch . I am just so blessed to have a man that works and provides for us very well . We know two couples that are getting married and I have been really thinking about what to get them . I wanted to buy them something useful . So I asked both couples and neither of them have a cake server set for the wedding . So I went down to the base and I bought one set . I did good . I was able to buy a Lenox set for $ 50 ! The price tag on it said $ 58 per piece , but that was retail and not the military price . I am just glad that I found something nice and something they will use . We are finally getting some nice weather and Ryan has actually been outside playing ! I told Rusty that it is nice to see him playing with other children and doing something other then sitting in the house . This morning I watched the bucket list and that was an awesome movie ! I have a few things on my bucket list , but I can 't go and do them unless Rusty dies first . I want to spend a Christmas in Bethlehem . Rusty said the only way I am going to the Middle East is if we go with the protection of the marines . I know that area of the world is not safe , but I still want to go there . Well my rose bushes are calling me . Posted by I should not be sitting here , but I am . I should be cleaning up the house , but I am not . Instead I am sitting here with a sleeping kitten on my lap . I guess if you have a full belly , a dry bottom and a warm blanket , you think it is nap time ? I was going to load all the Christmas pictures today , but that won 't happen . Last week some time our computer took a crap , and now we are using one of our daughters computer and this computer does not have a slot for me insert my card . I guess I will have to wait until Rusty gets home . Everyone had fun building gingerbread houses . Rusty even whispered in my ear , " this was a good idea ! " I am just glad that everyone had a good time . I must say that some of the marines got very competitive . But I guess I should have expected that from the marines . I am finally getting our house put back together . For whatever reason I just could not stand to see the Christmas stuff any longer , so it all came down yesterday . Now I am trying to get my house back to normal . However normal is a relative term . My mom is upset with me . She bought me a Vera Wang night gown and robe . I have no idea who Vera Wang is , but I have been told that she is a designer . Anyway , I love the robe and night gown , but I am still wearing my old robe . I just don 't want to ruin the new robe . Maybe once the kitten leaves I will wear it . The girls are made at me . I happened to mention that my mom wanted to buy them a WII . I told her no . So Amber called my mom and said " Don 't ask my mom if you can buy us a WII , we want one ! " So I have a feeling that my children will be getting a WII . Rusty had to work today . I told him that I would go with him , and help him do inventory , but Rusty very nicely told me no since I really do not know the gear . So instead I am going to do a few little things for him . I am making him hamburger helper for dinner . I don 't know why , but he just loves hamburger helper . I am washing all of our bedding . Rusty just loves clean sheet night ! Well , I am going to guess that if I do not get back to cleaning , Posted by I am sitting here tonight with my ever faithful dog right next to me . Rusty is watching t . v . and everyone else just left to see a movie . I house is still . This year the girls have finally gotten why I love Christmas so much . Both of the girls have told me that over the years they use to hate it when I would make them pick out a toy , or some clothing , just so I could give it away . Now they are looking back and laughing . My Nikki is called a mouse . My dad has always called her that , so it is still sticking . Back in the summer Amber found some mouse fleece , so she bought it and made a blanket for Nikki . All day Nikki has been saying " Look what my sister made for me " . My mom cried when I gave her the scarf that I made out of my dads old ties . I am so glad that she liked it . Warren cried when he got his quilt . He was so happy that someone actually thought of him . Nikki 's boyfriend Chris had a nice Christmas . He did not want to spend Christmas with us because he said that he was intruding . He did not even want to come watch us open gifts . My mom finally told him to get his ass down stairs . To his surprise he had gift 's waiting for him . I bought Chris a pack of socks , since all of his old socks had holes in them . My mom bought him an air matres since he has been sleeping on the cold floor . Tonight I am so proud of Chris because he has learned that Christmas is not about the price tag that hangs off something , but rather it is about knowing that people care . Tonight I am proud of Nikki , for never being to good for a homemade Christmas gift . Tonight I am proud of Amber , because she really put time and thought into Nikki 's gift , and that is worth so much more then any gold coin . Tonight I am proud of myself because I have influenced these lives and I am getting to see what wonderful young adults they are becoming . So I as I sit here drinking out of my new Winnie the pooh cup , I am so thrilled . It is time for me to slip into a nice bath and just smile at the fact that my children have finally gotten the meaning of Christmas . LIFE IS GPosted by So , here it is Christmas eve . I am not going anywhere today , but I do have a lot of people coming here . Tonight 's numbers should top around 20 extra people . Some will stay for Christmas and some are are leaving to go home . I still can 't believe that two of the marines are driving to Montana on Christmas day ! Tonight we are going to drink home made eggnog . . . spiked ! My mom makes the best eggnog ever . We are also going to make ginger bread houses . This should be very interesting . . . . drunk marines trying to make ginger bread houses . Yes , I will get pictures . My mom and daughters are on my nerves . My mom can 't just " be " . She thinks that if the dishes sit in the sink over night that we are all going to die . I just don 't care . My mom does not recycle , so I have to dig threw our trash and pull all the stuff out . My mom babies Ryan . I do not . My mom caters to his every whim . Once my mom leaves I will have to reprogram Ryan and remind that he can do certain things and that I am not his waitress or maid . The girls just follow my mom 's lead . So I am trying not to cause waves . I am just letting it all go . I keep reminding myself that she leaves on Friday . . . . . if Chicago is not snowed in . I do need to go get some last minute cleaning done , oh . . . . I went to the islands last night ! So here I sit . I have gotten our bedroom cleaned up , got some carpets cleaned , and I finally have a sex drive again . Rusty is on vacation this week , and I told him that I want to go to the island of comeonawannalayya . So I go to our bed room about 9 last night and he is fast asleep . It has been the same all week ! I am married and I want sex damn it ! O . K . off my soap box . My mother is an eco disaster ! I swear this lady is increasing my foot print by being here . My mother goes threw a roll of paper towels every other day ! I go threw a roll every month . My mother keeps buying things that she is using once and then throwing it away . I throw out one bag of trash a week ! Oh I can 't wait to have my eco life back . Well , I still have stuff to do to get ready for Christmas . I still have not gotten my table cleaned off . Oh one of the guy 's that is coming up asked me if I liked fresh fruit . He said that since he got stuck working at the chow hall he will bring me a ton of fruit ! Cool . I am thinking fresh orange juice . Yummmm . Posted by Well after several delays , and having to drive down to San Diego , my mom got here . I must say that it was nice to see her . My mom is out with the girls , and Rusty took Ryan shopping so I actually had some time to myself . I forgot how nice it is to have the house to myself . Ryan has chores that he has to do every day . He has to unload the dish washer , take out the recycling , and hoover the house . Then every time Rusty gets paid Ryan gets $ 10 dollars . Ryan really does not have a concept of money , but he knows that he has to have it to buy stuff . Rusty said that Ryan did good this year and that they found some great bargains . Ryan even bought Rusty lunch . I am really impressed with Ryan because he really try 's to buy stuff that everyone would like . We have two ideas for Christmas eve . We are either going to stay home and get drunk on egg nog and have a ginger bread house building contest . Or we are going to go visit a dear friend in the assisted living home . We were going to go visit this friend , but they moved him on the day we were going to hospital . We are waiting to here what home he was moved to , if it is to far then we are not going to try to fight the traffic . So we will see . The kitten is getting so big and is trying to learn to stalk . It is just to cute . I should wean him , but I am just not in the mood , so I figure I will wait until after the holidays . Most of the marines have headed home for the holiday 's , but they all stopped by to say goodbye and to grab a bite to eat . I swore that I was being turned into a short order cook , but I would not have it any other way . I love cooking for my boy 's . Well I still need to attempt to get my dinning room table cleaned off , and I need to get my bathroom cleaned , so I better get it done . I just wish that some cleaning elves would stop by . . . . . I know have talked about this homeless man that hangs around a few stores that I go to . Yesterday I ran into him again . I got behind him in line and the cashier asked him if he had any money to buy his cookies and milk and he said no but I am hungry . I told the cashier that I would buy his cookies and milk . I have done this for this guy several time 's , but yesterday , he turned and looked at me and said thank you . That was the first time the homeless guy ever spoke to me . Later that evening I told Amber that I had run into this guy again . Amber said " I wonder if he has any family ? Do they know he is homeless ? " I don 't know the answers to these questions . What I do know is that it is getting cold here and this man does not even have a winter coat . We do not have a homeless shelter here , so I have no idea where he is sleeping , or what he is doing to stay worm . Then I remembered an entry that I wrote some time last year . It was called women unite . http : / / thoughtofasonerwhitewomen . blogspot . com / 2007 / 03 / women - unite . htmlSo I am going to raise challenge that I gave to everyone else . I am have a nice warm sweatshirt that I am going to give him , Rusty has some really nice cold weather sock 's , so I know he wont miss one pair , and I going to do my best to get a tie blanket done for this man . I still have a few last minute things I need to get done today . Today is Rusty 's birthday and he is already gone . He had to take that marine to the airport . This afternoon I have to go get my mom and then the real fun will begin . Here are some pictures of my eco friendly gifts . The rug is made out of plastic bags . I made my girlfriend a ball of plarn and she made a rug out of it ! I love this . I am going to put it by my door . It can be washed and lets face it . . . . it will never break down . Next our my tea cup ordainment . I found all of these cup and saucers at a yard sale . I had the glue and ribbon . So far everyone I have given them to have loved them . I love them because the are unique and everyone knows how much I love tea . I have an idea for next Christmas , so I will have to start looking for all the items . . . . at yard sales and thrift stores ! Just remember to think outside the box , and you will be amazed at what you can come it up . Reduce , recycle and reuse . Posted by I was just a little busy yesterday . I had a long to do list , but I did not get it all done , so today I need to finish up . I am trying to get everything done before my mom comes in . I don 't want to have to be cleaning while everyone is here for the holiday 's . Then it hit me . I know why she does not want to drive up there . She has never driven on snow or ice before . I grew up driving on that stuff , so I just assume that every can . I will need to ask Rusty to take Amber up there and teach her how to drive in the snow , how to get out of a skid , and all that fun stuff that goes along with winter weather . Sticking to my true white trash roots . I drove the children up there , but I never even got dressed . Yep , I stayed in my pj " s and my robe all day , so that is what I wore to drive the kids up the mountain . I really did not care , after all I was not getting out of the car . I have no desire to play in the snow . I hate being cold ! All of the children had fun and I know that is the important thing . While I may hate the snow , I need to remember that my children have not grown up in the snow . I need to remember that it is the little things like a snowball fight , that kids enjoy . The quilt at the top of the page is the quilt that I was asked to make . This quilt is going to Warren . Now there is a story behind Warren , so go grab a hot drink and settle down . Warren was in the military , I can 't tell much more then that , I met him at the VFW . Warren tends bar and often cooks dinners . Then it happened . Someone found out that Warren is HIV positive . The old people started raising hell about all of this . They wanted warren fired from tending bar , and they did not want him cooking anymore . This battle came to a head at a post meeting . When Rusty came home I asked him what the out come was . Warren gets to stay . I was very glad to hear that . The next time I saw Warren I said " Warren , I am not a member of the post , so I knew it was not my place to go to the meetings , however I am so glad that you are still here . You can make me a drink and a meal anytime . " Warren cried . Over the years Warren has been in and out of the hospital for a lot of different things . I make it a point to go see him . I am the only one that goes and sees him . I guess I am the only one who knows you can 't catch HIV from visiting someone in the hospital ? I found out that no one invited Warren to Thanksgiving dinner . I could not believe it . I told Rusty if I had known that I would have invited him . That was when I said " People can be so cruel to him " . Rusty said " Yes , and they do it on purpose . " When Warren found out that I was in the hospital he pulled Rusty aside . Warren said " I hear Kelli was in the hospital ? " Rusty : " Yes she was , but she is home now and doing much better . " Warren : " Do you this shovel ? I am going to shove this up your ass sideways the next time you do not tell me that Kelli is sick . " Rusty : " I will tell you next time " So Warren is coming to Christmas dinner . I will make it a point to invite Warren to every holiday event we have . Also Warren has wanted one of my quilts for a long time , so here it is . Warren has no idea that it is coming , so I am hoping to get a picture of him when he sees his quilt . I got this award , so I am going to do my best with this . I am not good at making links , and having to choose so please be patient with me ! The Rules : ♥ list 10 honest things about yourself ♥ pass the award onto 7 blogs that you find brilliant in their content or design ♥ link to the blogger who gave you this prize ♥ link to the blogs receiving the prize ♥ notify the recipients 1 . I love to sew2 . I wish I would have known my in laws better before they passed3 . I miss my dad everyday and I wish he was still alive . 4 . I love the rain and the ocean . 5 . I hate snow and being cold . 6 . I hate clutter . 7 . I am trying to become the crazy cat lady . 8 . I love my husband more then anything in the world . 9 . I love to take a bath10 . I am a hippy at heart . O . K . now I have to pick 7 people ? 1 . Liz is waiting for husband to come from Iraq and he should be in soon . So I think everyone should go over there and thank her and her family for the sacrifices they make so her husband can defend OUR freedoms . WELCOME TO THE BLOG OF A USMC WIFE 2 . Mellisa is a young lady that seems to be finding her way in the world . . . and doing a great job at it . Mellisa works at a school and can 't wait for Friday to come because then she will be on Christmas break ! Somewhere 2 Hide 3 . Reduce Footprints is a journal about simple things we can all do to help save our planet . I love this journal because it help me be aware of the world around us . 4 . This gal is from Scotland and is just a riot ! She loves her dogs and we all know what a big pet lover I am . the adventuresofminnie & fergus 5 . Paula is just so much fun . I want to be like her when I am her age . She has some awesome tales about living in Texas . Last year on our road trip when I stopped to pick Paula up she said " I will be the old lady in the center of town with my cow . " paulinescountrytales 6 . Betty , is a dear friend that is always there for me . She has helped me through some really tough times . She has also been a cheerleader for our daughters ! Thanks Betty a corgi in southern california 7 . And LasPosted by There are a few rules in my house . The number one rule is do not wake me from a nap unless someone is dead . Which did happen a few years back . Anyway , Nikki came in and woke me up and said come on mom we need to go . I just stared at Nikki . Chris , the boyfriend , got kicked out again . Great ! So while I am getting my shoes on Nikki is on the phone calling some people from church , and trying to find a place for Chris to live . Amber is cleaning out both of our cars . So off we go to get Chris . Both of the cars are ready to be load with everything he owns . Nikki gets a call back that Chris can live with another young couple from church . O . K . we now have a place for him to live . Then Nikki asks me a question about the mother from hell . The best way I can describe this women is like a chocolate Easter bunny . They are both hollow and have nothing inside . The mother from hell may look good on the outside , but wow , watch out because you get past her shell , . . . well it is really sad . Amber , Nikki , and Chris start loading all of his belongings into our cars . Then he was told to take his cat , or she ( the mother ) would have it put to sleep . So we grab the cat . Amber went home and I took Nikki and Chris to a job interview . ( Thanks Betty . . . she helped find this job ) After that it was back home to grab some dinner and then they went to youth group . After youth group Amber and I loaded up the cat and we went and got Nikki and Chris and took Chris to his new home . There are a few ground rules that Chris needs to follow . As long as he stays there he must go to church if the doors are open , he must finish high school and he must find a job . Chris agreed to those rules . Last night the girls got on craigslist and looked for some stuff for Chris and they even posted an ad for some stuff that he needs . Here I sit this morning . I am very proud of the girls for pulling together to help someone out . Amber even offered to take Chris along to pass out flyer 's and make some extra money . Now I have a few tasks at hand . I am going to take some food over to Posted by I do believe that a few entries back back I said that I could do one kitten in my sleep . Well , this little guy is going to keep me on my toes ! I go up this morning and he was sitting on my dirty laundry . He has already learned to scale the crate ! Then I fed him his breakfast and put him down for a nap , well . . . he got out of his blankets and climbed up on the sofa ! Oh he is such a boy . I did finish the quilt top ! I love this quilt . I just hope the gentlemen that is getting it loves it as much as I do . I am going to send Amber to the store to buy some batting , so I am hoping to get it quilted today . I think I see the sun . I better look at it because we have more rain on the way . Someone should build me an ark . Yesterday afternoon my chest started feeling tight . I know that it is caused by this crazy weather . So I went and bought some stuff to help me cough up this crap . Now I can 't stop coughing . Oh the joys that are my life . The boyfriend went home last night . I do feel bad for this kid . He is trying to get a job and once he gets a job , he is moving out . We did tell him that if he gets kick out to give us a call . We won 't let this kid sleep on the streets . I still don 't get it . However I am going to lead by example . I am going to teach the girls how to have compassion , and how to help others . I am going to make this a teaching opportunity without saying a word . Rusty is taking next week off . I can 't wait to spend a whole week with him ! We will be able to sleep in , have morning sex , and just chill . Rusty so needs this down time , so I will have to pamper him . Well I need to go find speed racer the kitten and then I need to get my day started . I am trying to get everything done before my mom arrives on Friday . I also have the carpet guy coming on Friday , so I have a lot to do . Can someone clone me ? Rusty had to pull off the road and put his truck in 4 wheel drive ! nI can 't believe it was snowing here . Anyway , he jumped in behind a convoy of hummers going back to pendleton , so he made it home . Here are some pictures of our flooded yard , and one of the new baby . We are guessing he is about 3 or 4 weeks old now . Here in southern California we are getting hammered with rain . Some places are suppose to get snow , but I don 't think we will see any of it . I am not going to complain about the rain , because we really need the rain . The sad thing is our ground is so dry , and the rain is coming down so fast , that most of the water is running off . I got a new foster kitten this weekend . He is just so cute ! I only have one baby this time , and he is about 3 or 4 weeks old . I will have to take a picture of him . Rusty is coming back from 29 Palm early , so he should be in sometime today . I so want to see him . When Rusty left he was feeling really bad and he just wanted to curl up and sleep . Poor guy , I will pamper him tonight . Well , Nikki 's boyfriend spent the night last night . His mom kicked him out of the house . . . . . . again . I do feel bad for this kid . He is a good kid , his mom is just strung out on booze and pills . So I don 't know how long he will be here , if his mom sobers at all day I am sure she will call him . I keep telling this kid , you know you just have get your diploma and then I would join the military and never look back . I need to go get some bread started , and I need to get the chili in the crock pot . Rusty loves this meal . Laundry is on my list and I have to work on that quilt . However since it is raining , it will be a good day to stay at home and get everything done . I am glad that it is Friday . Not that I really have anything planned for the weekend , but at least Rusty will be home early . Last night was one of those nights when I should have slept on the sofa . All Rusty did all night was toss and turn and talk . I have never heard that man as much as he did last night . Sometimes I can figure out what he is saying . One time he was yelling at someone to get down , another time he was yelling because there was not enough fuel . Last he was just rambling . So to say the least I did not get much sleep . Today I need to work on a quilt , get dinner started ( bbq beef sandwiches ) and do all the things that a stay at home mom does . Yesterday , Tom asked me what vitamins I take . I do take vitamins , but I am not sure what I run on . Could it be my a type personality ? Could it be that no one knows what momma does until momma don 't do it ? Could it be that I am an over achiever . . . . . my old teachers would disagree with that ! I don 't know , I just do it . I talked to my mom last night and she will be here on the 19th . She will arrive in San Diego early in the day , so she is going to take the train to Oceanside , and then Rusty will pick her up . It will be nice to see my mom , but I know that by the end of her visit I will be glad to see her go . Why is that ? Why do mother get under their daughters skin ? I am trying so hard not to be my mom . Yesterday one of Amber 's friends was over and he said that he has to be out of the house by Feb . I was like what ? Yep his parents told him " You are 18 , so get out " . I am hearing that more and more . I don 't get it . Now that the girls are older I love having them around . Trust me when they were two you could have taken them ! Now I can actually have a conversation with them , they help me out more , and I love hanging out with them . I will say that as far as the girls go my parenting has changed . I am not longer teaching I am more guiding . I love the age that they are at now . Amber thought she had a job , but that job fell through . She is just so bummed . Amber did finally sober white women For the past few weeks I have been reminding myself that I need to go buy Ryan new socks . But every time I went to the store I would forget . Today I was sewing away and that is when it hit me . Why am I buying Ryan socks ? I have a drawer full of mens socks that I got in a box of stuff . So I went and pulled out seven pairs and wrote a big R on the bottom . Now what to do with all the old socks . I must say that the socks are very worn , so most of them wont be of much use . Or could they ? I am going to gather up all of his old sock and take a look at them . I will throw some in Rusty 's rag box . . . . . I have no idea what he does with them , but I know he uses them . I will throw some in my rag box . They are good enough to scrub the toilet with or they can clean up pet barf . So one the hunt I went for ways to reuse old socks and here is what I found . 1 . When dusting or cleaning , simply slip the sock over your hand and use it to wipe down anything in the home . 2 . Fill a sock with rice or wheat , heat in the microwave for a few seconds , and use it as a heating pad . 3 . You can certainly make a sock puppet , or two , or three . . . 4 . Put a ball inside and tie off the end to make a tug toy for a dog . Or fill with catnip for a kitty . 5 . Fill with leftover soap pieces and use in the washing machine for washing delicates . 6 . Shoe Polisher . Rather than ruining one of your good rags for shoe polishing , employ an old sock . The soft fabric is a good buffer and will give your shoes a nice shine . 7 . Tidy Pedicure . Use old socks to protect your bedding while giving yourself an overnight pedicure . Rub Vaseline or another thick cream on your feet and cover them with old socks . Overnight your feet with be moisturized and softened , all without getting anything sticky on your bed sheets . Please feel free to leave me your suggestions on some other way 's to use old socks . Just think today I saved green by going green , and using what I had instead of buying something again . Yesterday was a good day . My first stop was the wounded warrior center . Once we got the quilts inside , we met a marine that was just checking in . So we used this marine to hold up all the quilts . This marine actually chose three quilts . He chose a big one for his bed and a small one for his son , and he chose a Christmas quilt . He looked like a kid in the candy store . I called Rusty and told him that I got to meet one of the warriors and that he chose two of my quilts ! I just couldn 't believe that he liked my quilts . Rusty said " well isn 't that a good thing ? " Yes , it is . I am just always amazed . Last year when I made the quilt for the missionary . . . the missionary was crying in the pictures . She just could not believe the kindness of strangers . I do need to be reminded that quilts are special and that not everyone lives with a quilter . Then I headed over to the animal shelter to deliver their quilts . Someone from the base decided that the shelter needed a face lift . They are getting a drop ceiling put in , new sky lights , and Central air and central heat . I was very happy to see all the work being done . I went up to the exchange to grab some lunch . While their someone turned a bunch of sailors loose , and they were all in dress uniforms . They looked so nice . I love the blue cracker jack uniform . It just looks so crisp . I once told Rusty that I think it looks better then the marines dress blues , but he had to disagree . Then I went on the hunt for a Christmas gift for Rusty . Nothing I saw spoke to me . I usually have his Christmas gift picked out in January so I have to to work on it all year . This year I have nothing . Rusty and I don 't really exchange gift 's , we try to do something for each other , or if we do give a gift we try to really shock the person . In the past I have : * made him a marine corps quilt , which he still sleeps with . * the fist year we had Rusty 's china , I broke it all out and served him a full meal on it . * I bought Rusty his mini medals . Now that was not easy . I had to go gather up all of his medals , drivePosted by BRRR is all I can say about our weather here . I live in Southern California so I expect it to be warm all the time , but not this week . BRRRR there goes the gas bill . So yesterday Amber ended up with three bottles of pill 's . I wrote the street name on all the bottles , so she would know what she had . Then I started reading all the side effects . Amber took her pills and placed then on the counter . She said " the side effects are worse then what I have ! " Oh yes my dear . This morning woke up a few minutes before the alarm clock went off . The alarm finally went off and Rusty beat the clock up trying to turn it off . I said " Well good morning sexiest man alive " . Rusty just grunted and went to the bathroom . He came back and crawled into my half of the bed . He put his arms around me and said " You really should put your glasses on . " Then both of the dogs jumped in bed with us . I asked Rusty if need me to wash an of his cold weather stuff since he will be outside working all next week . Rusty said " I was watching the weather channel last night and they said that we are getting snow as low as 1000 feet . " I said " So it will be snowing in 29 palm while you are there ? " Rusty replied " Yes , and we need to move , I hate snow " I quickly said " well I can pack a bag , lets move back to Hawaii " Rusty just glared at me . He loved Hawaii while we were there , but he said that there are way to many people there . It looks like I might be heading out to Palm Springs on Friday . There is a very young marine we know who is getting stationed at 29 palms and he will be flying in . This poor kid does not have a clue about the marine corp yet . Today I am going to go deliver all my quilts . I have 4 going to the Wounded warrior center and 10 going to the animal shelter . Man I have been busier then I thought . But there is no rest for the wicked . I did go buy some blue material and I will get another quilt done before Christmas . It is going to simple squares , but it will be a quilt and it will get done . While I am down at base I am going to look for some more last minutePosted by Yesterday would have been a good day for someone to remind me that children are a blessing . Amber and Nikki went at it all day long . I was waiting for them to start punching each other , but that did not happen . The last time they came to blows I made them go fight in the front yard . If they are going to act like white trash then at least everyone could watch the fight . Ryan 's teacher still can 't figure out how to give him a calculator . So I had to call the principal again . Once again it blows my mind , there are only five children in his class ! Then we got a call from someone at the school asking us if we needed help with some Christmas gifts for Ryan . I listened to this lady babble on . I understand Ryan needs new shoes and he is getting them for Christmas . I just got him new shoes 2 months ago . I am so sorry that my child is hard on his shoes . Yes Ryan does have several winter sweatshirts and a coat . The problem is he wears them to school and never brings them home . So I had to tell Ryan that if he did not bring home all of his crap that he could not play video game or watch t . v . for two day 's . That is the only way we can get through to him . We have to take away the two things that can do . I swear if you have not raised a handi cap child you have no clue what goes on behind closed doors . Today I have to take Nikki to school and go pay my car registration . I am going to go look for a pair of shoes for Ryan , and then it is back home to do the same old routine . Amber is not feeling well today , so she has a doctors appointment today at 2 . This poor child is just so miserable . As for me . I have taken some radical steps as far as my health goes . My friend Deb told me that she had been praying for me and that she just knows that I am not going in for surgery . I had to laugh . I laughed because for a while now I have been really thinking and researching all of my options . Which are very limited when you have no insurance and no money . I went to the hippy store because I needed some more herbs and some ear candles . I got to talkiPosted by I am finally done ! So here are some pictures . I hope you enjoy them . I will have to give a final count later . I am off to get some shut eye . Saturday I ended up having to take a marine down to airport . I asked everyone else in house if they wanted to ride . Only one Marine said yes . So I grabbed Rusty 's pars pass card and we headed down . After we dropped the marine off we headed to Point Loma . That is my favorite spot in SanDiego . The marine that went with me had never been to Point Loma , so I had a blast showing him the base , the light houses , the history and the cliffs . I just love standing high above the ocean and watching the waves crash in . I said " watch out , the rocks are very slippery " . I had just spoken those words when my feet came out from under me . Boom right on back and bum . Yesterday and today I am feeling the pain from that fall . I am scared to look in the mirror . I just know that my whole right side is going to bruse up . After we got back to town I dropped the marine off at the vfw . Everyone was down there watching the fight . I was heading home when it hit me . I was going home to an empty house . That is a good thing , but then I thought , you know what I am going to go to my girlfriends house . We do not get to spend enough time together . Deb ( my friend ) had all three of her grand babies , so I set all of them up at the breakfast bar and we colorede paper plates while Deb and I talked . It was so nice to just be able to talk with her . Then the children were done coloring the plates , so I got out some " magic beans " and we put then in the middle of the plates and stappled the plates closesd . We also placed the " magic beans " in some water bottles . Deb kept laughing at me . She said " only you could take my pinto beans and make instruments and keep those three happy . " That was the best evening I have had in along time . I got to spend some time with a very dear friend , and I kept her grand babies busy while she cooked . For me it was more then that . I was reminded that you dont need anything fancy to make children happy . all we hade were markers , paper plates and beans . The little things are what matters . Sunday I spent the day wrapping Christmas gifts . Posted by Tom got me to thinking . And we have been e mailing back and forth all night . He is a great guy and he got me to think . Which I should not be doing , because it is late I have not had dinner yet , and I still have two quilts to get done . I think this woman 's Sari is just the most beautiful thing I have seen . I am in the process of trying to get my hands on one of these Sari 's . One of our marines is from India and I told him that I wanted one . So he said that he would work on it for me . I told the marine that I would wear it to the marine corps birthday ball if he got me one ! I also have clothing from the middle east . My in laws lived there for 20 years , so I have a lot of really nice clothing from that part of the world . At my mother in laws funeral I even wore one of her middle eastern coverings . This year to the ball I wore a traditional Mexican dress . I loved that dress , and I think I am going to take the dress up , so that I can it all the time . I wear the clothing because I love it . Why was I born Irish / Native American ? I don 't like their clothing . Just for some laughs let me share with you some of my other clothing . . . . all of which will push the limits . 1 . I have a tee shirt that says toughest job in the corp . . . . marine wife . The single guys laugh , and the wives want to know where I got it . 2 . My children were kind enough to buy my a t shirt that says mean people need to be loved too . 3 . I have another t shirt that says this is a war . . . a war of ideas . 4 . then there is my favorite outfit . That would be my husbands p . t . gear . Man his sweats are just so comfy . Nothing screams take me baby I am yours like puke Green clothing . I once wore that to the store and some dude chased me down and told me that I was not allowed to wear that in public . I just looked at him and laughed . That little marine was just way to cute . 5 . my hats always turn heads . I have a black one and a maroon one . I always place a huge dragonfly pin on them . I think hats are very classy , but people still stare at me . 6 . then there are my bib 's . I lPosted by Yesterday morning I was standing around watching Rusty unbolt a fuel tank . Now that did not keep my attention for more the a few seconds . I started looking around the parking lot , and I saw a ton of trash . I went to the warehouse and grabbed the biggest broom I could find . I then started sweeping the parking lot . I found a broke car stereo , lot of beer bottles , some cd 's and a ton of just trash . One of Rusty 's co workers came out and said " you missed a spot " . O . K . , so he is not a tree hugger like me . Even Rusty said " Why bother ? " Well , that is a good question . Why bother cleaning up a parking lot that is off an alley ? Will anyone really notice ? I noticed . I ended up fill a trash bag with all the crap I swept up . While I was throwing the trash away another one of Rusty 's co workers said " the wineo 's will just leave more bottles there tonight . " Today while I was running around I really looked at my community . The parks were clean . The stores I went into were clean . However , there was a lot of trash on the sides of the roads . Does every just see the trash so often that we no longer think about it ? Or does everyone just assume that someone else will clean it up . Now I know that picking up trash out of a parking lot is not as popular as a beach clean up , but why does something have to be popular before it can get done ? Is our community just a public trash can ? Since when is it so hard to place your trash in a trash can ? This is the only planet we have and I would like to know who gave everyone the right to trash it . People need to learn to not only throw their own trash away , but to take a little bit more pride in the community in which they live . This week I challenge everyone to pick up just a grocery sack of someone Else 's trash . That will make a huge impact on our environment , and our communities . Rusty called me Wednesday night to tell me that the fuel pump on his truck went out . So I drove down to get him . Thursday morning I had to drive Rusty to work . I spent the day at Rusty 's shop , just waiting for the truck to get fixed . I was not about to drive home and then have to go back if the truck was not fixed . What I am about to to you happened about four hours before we left Rusty 's shop . For the record let me say that Rusty sell 's guns and gear for the military , and to anyone who walks in the store . I was in the back room and I noticed a dummy that was dressed . The dummy had on a head scarf that the guys can wear while in Iraq or Afghanistan . You wrap the scarf just like any other head dress and it will help keep the sand and other crap off of you . I took the scarf off the dummy and placed it on my head . That scarf was warm and I was getting cold , so I kept it on . Rusty walked in and he just looked at me . I said " I am going for the middle European peasant look " . Rusty was like whatever . It is me , so nothing shocks Rusty any more . I walked out to the store front to see what was going on . That was when one of Rusty 's co works said " Oh look Grumpy ( another co worker ) has lost his mind . First he hired a hippy and now he hired a Muslim women . " Suddenly two marines look up from the gun case and they just stare at me . The look they shot me should have killed me . Then one of the marines picks up a fire arm , and slides the chamber back . He did this while never taking his eyes off me . I just stood there . I know that fire arm was not loaded , so I knew that he could not hurt me . I also know that I made that marine feel very uncountable . So I stood there . I wanted to see this marine be uncomfortable . It was in that moment that I felt hatred leave that marines body and be imposed upon me . It was at that moment that I learned what it was to be hated just because of the way I dressed . It was in that moment that I decided to not take the head covering off . I was going to wear the head covering the rest of the night . I went and gPosted by So yesterday I stopped at target to see if they had they belts I needed . Now I am not suppose to shop at target because they are owned by the French and they do not support the military , but I had no choice but to look there . I pulled into the parking lot and it is full of the special ed buses . I walk into the store and there were a ton of special ed children in there shopping for Christmas . I just smiled because I know that in a few years that will be Ryan in there shopping . Not only were they in there shopping but the target employees had set up a wrapping station and they were wrapping the gifts for the children . It just made my heart melt . These special ed children were so proud of the fact that they had a very nicely wrapped present to give . On the way home from Target The traffic report came on . " Please avoid the 215 north as there is a military convoy taking up the freeway and they are moving slow " . Yep . My husband will be seeing them out in 29 palms . I love seeing the convoys . I will pull off the road and sit on the hood of my car and just wave to them . I was a sewing fool yesterday . I do not know what got into me , but I just sat down at my machine and started going to town . That is a good thing since I have a ton of sewing I need to get done before next Wednesday . Today I am have to get into Ryan 's room and go through some boxes of clothes . Over the summer I had two ladies give me a ton of clothing for Ryan and all the winter stuff I just shoved into a box , well I guess it is time for me to look at everything and figure out what exactly he has and does not have . Once I am done with that I am going to go back to my sewing . I went on my no spending diet several months ago and I have to tell you that I am still keeping up with it , and it is really paying off . If it were not for me questioning every purchase and making do with what I had on hand . . . . well we would be in trouble . By watching every purchase I had the money to buy a new vacuum and to pay Amber 's phone bill this month . I am just amazed at much moPosted by Our house is filled with odd conversation 's from time to time . Last night was no exception . Rusty had a V . A . appointment yesterday and for the most part it went well . Rusty 's blood pressure and cholesterol are still a little high , so they switched his meds . Rusty is down to 195 pounds , which is not bad since he is 6 ' 2 " . Right after Rusty had his heart attack is doctor told him to start taking fish oil pills . Did Rusty listen . . . . NO . So yesterday the doctor prescribed them to him ! Oh I love his little Korean doctor . She is all about natural remedies going along with prescription drugs . Rusty will have to be monitored every six weeks to check for his liver function . Then I find out that Rusty is going to be gone the whole week before Christmas ! I am really getting sick of him working all these shows . But I guess there are going to be a ton of people training , so he has to go . So let me get this straight . You are going to be gone the week before Christmas and the whole month of January ? Yep . Then he goes on to tell me that he is giving a marine a ride to the airport on the 20th . What ? That vein in my head is starting to bulge . I helped this marine find some cheap airfare , but he said non of it was cheap enough because he was broke . How can you be broke ? You just spent 9 months in Iraq , you did not pay your car off , so where is all of your money ? I told this marine that the train goes 5 blocks from the airport and that he could then get a bus transfer to the airport , and that they between the bus and train it would only take him 45 minutes . Another marine told him to call the uso because they run shuttles down to the airport . Oh no that would be to easy . Instead he asks Rusty for a ride . This marine has never given us gas money , and he expects Rusty to take time away from his family , and to top it all off it is Rusty 's birthday ! Whatever . I spoke my peace with Rusty . I hope they get stuck in a ton of traffic and that the marine misses his flight . Yesterday I had to buy a belt for the vacuum . It is a good thing they come iPosted by I had one person ask me via e mail for a picture of my Grinch and to see a picture of me in the red dress . Lyn , also asked , so here you ladies go . Yep that was me about five years ago . Look at how skinny my arms are . Last night I told Rusty what I wrote about . He said that he loves the women I am today . I was just settling into bed last night . I had some anti vomit medicine , so Tylenol p . m . , I had all my favorite blankets and I was watching the Amazing race . Life was good . Then Nikki comes running into our room just crying . She jumps in bed between Rusty and I . Nikki puts her head on Rusty 's chest and she won 't stop crying . O . K . I can 't handle this . My head hurts . Whoever made my daughter cry is going to get their ass kicked . Once we got Nikki calmed down here is what we heard . Nikki was over at the " boyfriends " house and she made him a birthday cake . Well the cake did not turn out . So everyone in the family made fun of her . Even the " adults " in the house . Nikki was so heart broken . O . K . I have issues with this whole family , but now they have put my daughter in tears . Then we hear the " boyfriend " walk in . Rusty gets out of bed . I said " Tell the marines to kick his ass " . Rusty walks out into the living room and says " Listen here you little fuck head if you or your family ever puts my daughter in tears again I . . . . " This morning we are waiting to see if the " boyfriend " shows up . Nikki is / was going to make him homemade donuts for his birthday . This morning I asked the marines why they did not kick the shit of the " boyfriend " . They all looked at me and one finally said " because you did not tell us to . But now he is 18 , so the next time this happens we will take care of it . " So why do I let this " relationship " go on ? That is an easy one . I have tried to talk to Nikki . I have stuck up for Nikki when the family runs her down . I have tried to show Nikki that there is no pleasing a women ( the boyfriend mom ) who is addicted to pain pills , and booze . I have tried until I have nothing left to try with . The big picture is this . Nikki Posted by I am a stay at home mom . I am also married to a veteran and he is the love of my life . I keep it real here and I hold nothing back . My life is a roller coaster ride , so strap on your seatbelt . . . . here we go ! |
Today was such an awesome day . I made egg salad for our picnic , I grabbed extra bread so we could feed the birds , and I just grabbed whatever chips we had open . Nikki and I loaded up and headed down to base to pick up George . We picked up George and headed for the beach . It was a little chili , but there was not a cloud in the sky and the ocean was just perfect . As we were eating we asked this one lady if she would like to give her son some bread to feed to the birds . She said no . So we started breaking up the bread and tossing it into the sky . I am not sure what type of birds they were but they were beautiful . Nikki reminded me that there was a bird refuge just down the beach , so who knows . Anyway it was so cool watching the birds hover over us . Everywhere we looked there were birds ! It was just so cool ! As we were getting ready to leave the lady came back up to us and asked us if we any bread left . I did not but we did have two bags of corn chips left , so we busted them out . One of the boys came up next to me and I handed him some chip and started talking to him . The lady said " he has Autism and is none verbal , but his name is Warren " . Warren and I had a great time feeding the birds . By the end of our 10 minutes together he was smiling . Warren made the day at the beach a blessing . Even if he was none verbal I knew he was having a good time . Then we headed to the art museum , The quilts were just awesome . It was different from what I was expecting . Not all the quilts were " quilts " . A few people had actually pained on the material . They were very nice and very creative . The handi work that went into these quilts was just amazing . Then Nikki said lets go to the thrift store . Nikki scored so great deals today . We found two formals , a shirt and a pair of slacks for her . I scored this awesome dress . I am not sure what country it is from , but I just love it . I would say I will have to take a picture of it , but that really does no good since I cant load the pictures right now . Anyway , $ 75 later we finally got out of there . ThenPosted by I just got off the phone with a girlfriend that I do not speak to nearly enough . I heard through the grape vine that she was having a hard time . So I picked up the phone and called . My friend Kim is having issues with her son Garrett . He has not been home in 12 day 's , he is running around with some " less the desirable " girl , and Kim does not even know what else . Kim is not alone in this . If you have raised a teenager , you know all about teen rebellion . I guess what really hit me like a ton of bricks was the fact that Garrett comes from a very well off family . Every year Garrett goes on the mission trips with Nikki , and every year the money just appears for him . Last year Garrett wanted to go to Fiji , so his parents just gave him the money to go . Garrett wears the best clothes and shoes . If money can buy it Garrett has it . What struck me was the fact that it really does not matter what your economic status is , teens are just hard . I guess I just always assumed that if you had the money to give your children everything , and they wanted for nothing that they would be grateful little shits . I guess I was wrong . I told Kim that I would be calling her every day until she is o . k . I will be her rock to lean on , and if I see Garrett I am going to kick his ungrateful butt ! On to a happier note . Today I was flipping through a local magazine and I discovered that the Oceanside museum of modern art is having a quilt expo ! I called Rusty today and I was just so excited about . Rusty finally said " Do I have to go ? " I told him no that this was girl 's day out and that he was staying home with Ryan . So tomorrow Niiki and I are going to go get George ( female marine ) and we are going to quilt expo . The price is right too ! It is free . So I am going to pack us up a lunch and after the expo we can go have lunch on the beach . I am so looking forward to this ! Yesterday was an awesome day for me . The weather was nice , so I got outside and trimmed all of my rose bushes back . I must say that the house now looks bare , but I know that in the spring they will start to grow , and by the end of summer they will be almost to the roof top . I went to the 99 cent store and bought a ton of conditioner . They actually have this expensive conditioner that is only sold in beauty shops . So I stocked up on that . . . . o . k . I bought 20 bottles of it . But the girls are happy . Then I took Nikki and Ryan out to McDonald 's , and we went to the lake and had a picnic . We had not done that in a very long time , so it was nice to spend that time with them . I got my next quilt cut out . I have never done this pattern , so I hope that it turns out ! I am doing a black cat with a purple back ground . This quilt will be going to one of the marines babies . I made this little girl a quilt when she was born , but she has grown since then . I know go figure . But I figured since her birthday is in February She will get a new quilt from me . I really hope that quilt turns out because if it does then I am going to make more of them . Nikki cooked dinner last night . I must say that she did a good job ! I was very proud of her . Last night Rusty and I curled up in bed and we watched the bucket list . I can 't remember the last time Rusty and I watched a movie together . We both have very different taste in movies . Rusty and I even had old people sex last night . Everything was great and then Rusty got a leg cramp ! LOL I just had to laugh . I am so glad that Rusty and I can laugh about these things . Today it is suppose to be nice again , so I need to get the garage cleaned up a little bit more . Most of the Christmas stuff is already put away , but there are still a few items left . I know that soon we will have another storm blow in and then I wont be able to get outside , so I better take advantage of the nice weather now . One of the marines is looking for a cable or something , so that I can hook up my camera and download the picturPosted by I am so shocked that I really don 't have a lot to do today . I need to trim my rose bushes , go to the store , and that is about it . I can 't believe I have all the laundry done , the kitchen is clean , so there is really not a lot I have to get done today ! I am so amazed . Last night was just so tired that he came home and went right to bed . So I packed his dinner up for lunch . I am just so blessed to have a man that works and provides for us very well . We know two couples that are getting married and I have been really thinking about what to get them . I wanted to buy them something useful . So I asked both couples and neither of them have a cake server set for the wedding . So I went down to the base and I bought one set . I did good . I was able to buy a Lenox set for $ 50 ! The price tag on it said $ 58 per piece , but that was retail and not the military price . I am just glad that I found something nice and something they will use . We are finally getting some nice weather and Ryan has actually been outside playing ! I told Rusty that it is nice to see him playing with other children and doing something other then sitting in the house . This morning I watched the bucket list and that was an awesome movie ! I have a few things on my bucket list , but I can 't go and do them unless Rusty dies first . I want to spend a Christmas in Bethlehem . Rusty said the only way I am going to the Middle East is if we go with the protection of the marines . I know that area of the world is not safe , but I still want to go there . Well my rose bushes are calling me . Posted by I should not be sitting here , but I am . I should be cleaning up the house , but I am not . Instead I am sitting here with a sleeping kitten on my lap . I guess if you have a full belly , a dry bottom and a warm blanket , you think it is nap time ? I was going to load all the Christmas pictures today , but that won 't happen . Last week some time our computer took a crap , and now we are using one of our daughters computer and this computer does not have a slot for me insert my card . I guess I will have to wait until Rusty gets home . Everyone had fun building gingerbread houses . Rusty even whispered in my ear , " this was a good idea ! " I am just glad that everyone had a good time . I must say that some of the marines got very competitive . But I guess I should have expected that from the marines . I am finally getting our house put back together . For whatever reason I just could not stand to see the Christmas stuff any longer , so it all came down yesterday . Now I am trying to get my house back to normal . However normal is a relative term . My mom is upset with me . She bought me a Vera Wang night gown and robe . I have no idea who Vera Wang is , but I have been told that she is a designer . Anyway , I love the robe and night gown , but I am still wearing my old robe . I just don 't want to ruin the new robe . Maybe once the kitten leaves I will wear it . The girls are made at me . I happened to mention that my mom wanted to buy them a WII . I told her no . So Amber called my mom and said " Don 't ask my mom if you can buy us a WII , we want one ! " So I have a feeling that my children will be getting a WII . Rusty had to work today . I told him that I would go with him , and help him do inventory , but Rusty very nicely told me no since I really do not know the gear . So instead I am going to do a few little things for him . I am making him hamburger helper for dinner . I don 't know why , but he just loves hamburger helper . I am washing all of our bedding . Rusty just loves clean sheet night ! Well , I am going to guess that if I do not get back to cleaning , Posted by I am sitting here tonight with my ever faithful dog right next to me . Rusty is watching t . v . and everyone else just left to see a movie . I house is still . This year the girls have finally gotten why I love Christmas so much . Both of the girls have told me that over the years they use to hate it when I would make them pick out a toy , or some clothing , just so I could give it away . Now they are looking back and laughing . My Nikki is called a mouse . My dad has always called her that , so it is still sticking . Back in the summer Amber found some mouse fleece , so she bought it and made a blanket for Nikki . All day Nikki has been saying " Look what my sister made for me " . My mom cried when I gave her the scarf that I made out of my dads old ties . I am so glad that she liked it . Warren cried when he got his quilt . He was so happy that someone actually thought of him . Nikki 's boyfriend Chris had a nice Christmas . He did not want to spend Christmas with us because he said that he was intruding . He did not even want to come watch us open gifts . My mom finally told him to get his ass down stairs . To his surprise he had gift 's waiting for him . I bought Chris a pack of socks , since all of his old socks had holes in them . My mom bought him an air matres since he has been sleeping on the cold floor . Tonight I am so proud of Chris because he has learned that Christmas is not about the price tag that hangs off something , but rather it is about knowing that people care . Tonight I am proud of Nikki , for never being to good for a homemade Christmas gift . Tonight I am proud of Amber , because she really put time and thought into Nikki 's gift , and that is worth so much more then any gold coin . Tonight I am proud of myself because I have influenced these lives and I am getting to see what wonderful young adults they are becoming . So I as I sit here drinking out of my new Winnie the pooh cup , I am so thrilled . It is time for me to slip into a nice bath and just smile at the fact that my children have finally gotten the meaning of Christmas . LIFE IS GPosted by So , here it is Christmas eve . I am not going anywhere today , but I do have a lot of people coming here . Tonight 's numbers should top around 20 extra people . Some will stay for Christmas and some are are leaving to go home . I still can 't believe that two of the marines are driving to Montana on Christmas day ! Tonight we are going to drink home made eggnog . . . spiked ! My mom makes the best eggnog ever . We are also going to make ginger bread houses . This should be very interesting . . . . drunk marines trying to make ginger bread houses . Yes , I will get pictures . My mom and daughters are on my nerves . My mom can 't just " be " . She thinks that if the dishes sit in the sink over night that we are all going to die . I just don 't care . My mom does not recycle , so I have to dig threw our trash and pull all the stuff out . My mom babies Ryan . I do not . My mom caters to his every whim . Once my mom leaves I will have to reprogram Ryan and remind that he can do certain things and that I am not his waitress or maid . The girls just follow my mom 's lead . So I am trying not to cause waves . I am just letting it all go . I keep reminding myself that she leaves on Friday . . . . . if Chicago is not snowed in . I do need to go get some last minute cleaning done , oh . . . . I went to the islands last night ! So here I sit . I have gotten our bedroom cleaned up , got some carpets cleaned , and I finally have a sex drive again . Rusty is on vacation this week , and I told him that I want to go to the island of comeonawannalayya . So I go to our bed room about 9 last night and he is fast asleep . It has been the same all week ! I am married and I want sex damn it ! O . K . off my soap box . My mother is an eco disaster ! I swear this lady is increasing my foot print by being here . My mother goes threw a roll of paper towels every other day ! I go threw a roll every month . My mother keeps buying things that she is using once and then throwing it away . I throw out one bag of trash a week ! Oh I can 't wait to have my eco life back . Well , I still have stuff to do to get ready for Christmas . I still have not gotten my table cleaned off . Oh one of the guy 's that is coming up asked me if I liked fresh fruit . He said that since he got stuck working at the chow hall he will bring me a ton of fruit ! Cool . I am thinking fresh orange juice . Yummmm . Posted by Well after several delays , and having to drive down to San Diego , my mom got here . I must say that it was nice to see her . My mom is out with the girls , and Rusty took Ryan shopping so I actually had some time to myself . I forgot how nice it is to have the house to myself . Ryan has chores that he has to do every day . He has to unload the dish washer , take out the recycling , and hoover the house . Then every time Rusty gets paid Ryan gets $ 10 dollars . Ryan really does not have a concept of money , but he knows that he has to have it to buy stuff . Rusty said that Ryan did good this year and that they found some great bargains . Ryan even bought Rusty lunch . I am really impressed with Ryan because he really try 's to buy stuff that everyone would like . We have two ideas for Christmas eve . We are either going to stay home and get drunk on egg nog and have a ginger bread house building contest . Or we are going to go visit a dear friend in the assisted living home . We were going to go visit this friend , but they moved him on the day we were going to hospital . We are waiting to here what home he was moved to , if it is to far then we are not going to try to fight the traffic . So we will see . The kitten is getting so big and is trying to learn to stalk . It is just to cute . I should wean him , but I am just not in the mood , so I figure I will wait until after the holidays . Most of the marines have headed home for the holiday 's , but they all stopped by to say goodbye and to grab a bite to eat . I swore that I was being turned into a short order cook , but I would not have it any other way . I love cooking for my boy 's . Well I still need to attempt to get my dinning room table cleaned off , and I need to get my bathroom cleaned , so I better get it done . I just wish that some cleaning elves would stop by . . . . . I know have talked about this homeless man that hangs around a few stores that I go to . Yesterday I ran into him again . I got behind him in line and the cashier asked him if he had any money to buy his cookies and milk and he said no but I am hungry . I told the cashier that I would buy his cookies and milk . I have done this for this guy several time 's , but yesterday , he turned and looked at me and said thank you . That was the first time the homeless guy ever spoke to me . Later that evening I told Amber that I had run into this guy again . Amber said " I wonder if he has any family ? Do they know he is homeless ? " I don 't know the answers to these questions . What I do know is that it is getting cold here and this man does not even have a winter coat . We do not have a homeless shelter here , so I have no idea where he is sleeping , or what he is doing to stay worm . Then I remembered an entry that I wrote some time last year . It was called women unite . http : / / thoughtofasonerwhitewomen . blogspot . com / 2007 / 03 / women - unite . htmlSo I am going to raise challenge that I gave to everyone else . I am have a nice warm sweatshirt that I am going to give him , Rusty has some really nice cold weather sock 's , so I know he wont miss one pair , and I going to do my best to get a tie blanket done for this man . I still have a few last minute things I need to get done today . Today is Rusty 's birthday and he is already gone . He had to take that marine to the airport . This afternoon I have to go get my mom and then the real fun will begin . Here are some pictures of my eco friendly gifts . The rug is made out of plastic bags . I made my girlfriend a ball of plarn and she made a rug out of it ! I love this . I am going to put it by my door . It can be washed and lets face it . . . . it will never break down . Next our my tea cup ordainment . I found all of these cup and saucers at a yard sale . I had the glue and ribbon . So far everyone I have given them to have loved them . I love them because the are unique and everyone knows how much I love tea . I have an idea for next Christmas , so I will have to start looking for all the items . . . . at yard sales and thrift stores ! Just remember to think outside the box , and you will be amazed at what you can come it up . Reduce , recycle and reuse . Posted by I was just a little busy yesterday . I had a long to do list , but I did not get it all done , so today I need to finish up . I am trying to get everything done before my mom comes in . I don 't want to have to be cleaning while everyone is here for the holiday 's . Then it hit me . I know why she does not want to drive up there . She has never driven on snow or ice before . I grew up driving on that stuff , so I just assume that every can . I will need to ask Rusty to take Amber up there and teach her how to drive in the snow , how to get out of a skid , and all that fun stuff that goes along with winter weather . Sticking to my true white trash roots . I drove the children up there , but I never even got dressed . Yep , I stayed in my pj " s and my robe all day , so that is what I wore to drive the kids up the mountain . I really did not care , after all I was not getting out of the car . I have no desire to play in the snow . I hate being cold ! All of the children had fun and I know that is the important thing . While I may hate the snow , I need to remember that my children have not grown up in the snow . I need to remember that it is the little things like a snowball fight , that kids enjoy . The quilt at the top of the page is the quilt that I was asked to make . This quilt is going to Warren . Now there is a story behind Warren , so go grab a hot drink and settle down . Warren was in the military , I can 't tell much more then that , I met him at the VFW . Warren tends bar and often cooks dinners . Then it happened . Someone found out that Warren is HIV positive . The old people started raising hell about all of this . They wanted warren fired from tending bar , and they did not want him cooking anymore . This battle came to a head at a post meeting . When Rusty came home I asked him what the out come was . Warren gets to stay . I was very glad to hear that . The next time I saw Warren I said " Warren , I am not a member of the post , so I knew it was not my place to go to the meetings , however I am so glad that you are still here . You can make me a drink and a meal anytime . " Warren cried . Over the years Warren has been in and out of the hospital for a lot of different things . I make it a point to go see him . I am the only one that goes and sees him . I guess I am the only one who knows you can 't catch HIV from visiting someone in the hospital ? I found out that no one invited Warren to Thanksgiving dinner . I could not believe it . I told Rusty if I had known that I would have invited him . That was when I said " People can be so cruel to him " . Rusty said " Yes , and they do it on purpose . " When Warren found out that I was in the hospital he pulled Rusty aside . Warren said " I hear Kelli was in the hospital ? " Rusty : " Yes she was , but she is home now and doing much better . " Warren : " Do you this shovel ? I am going to shove this up your ass sideways the next time you do not tell me that Kelli is sick . " Rusty : " I will tell you next time " So Warren is coming to Christmas dinner . I will make it a point to invite Warren to every holiday event we have . Also Warren has wanted one of my quilts for a long time , so here it is . Warren has no idea that it is coming , so I am hoping to get a picture of him when he sees his quilt . I got this award , so I am going to do my best with this . I am not good at making links , and having to choose so please be patient with me ! The Rules : ♥ list 10 honest things about yourself ♥ pass the award onto 7 blogs that you find brilliant in their content or design ♥ link to the blogger who gave you this prize ♥ link to the blogs receiving the prize ♥ notify the recipients 1 . I love to sew2 . I wish I would have known my in laws better before they passed3 . I miss my dad everyday and I wish he was still alive . 4 . I love the rain and the ocean . 5 . I hate snow and being cold . 6 . I hate clutter . 7 . I am trying to become the crazy cat lady . 8 . I love my husband more then anything in the world . 9 . I love to take a bath10 . I am a hippy at heart . O . K . now I have to pick 7 people ? 1 . Liz is waiting for husband to come from Iraq and he should be in soon . So I think everyone should go over there and thank her and her family for the sacrifices they make so her husband can defend OUR freedoms . WELCOME TO THE BLOG OF A USMC WIFE 2 . Mellisa is a young lady that seems to be finding her way in the world . . . and doing a great job at it . Mellisa works at a school and can 't wait for Friday to come because then she will be on Christmas break ! Somewhere 2 Hide 3 . Reduce Footprints is a journal about simple things we can all do to help save our planet . I love this journal because it help me be aware of the world around us . 4 . This gal is from Scotland and is just a riot ! She loves her dogs and we all know what a big pet lover I am . the adventuresofminnie & fergus 5 . Paula is just so much fun . I want to be like her when I am her age . She has some awesome tales about living in Texas . Last year on our road trip when I stopped to pick Paula up she said " I will be the old lady in the center of town with my cow . " paulinescountrytales 6 . Betty , is a dear friend that is always there for me . She has helped me through some really tough times . She has also been a cheerleader for our daughters ! Thanks Betty a corgi in southern california 7 . And LasPosted by There are a few rules in my house . The number one rule is do not wake me from a nap unless someone is dead . Which did happen a few years back . Anyway , Nikki came in and woke me up and said come on mom we need to go . I just stared at Nikki . Chris , the boyfriend , got kicked out again . Great ! So while I am getting my shoes on Nikki is on the phone calling some people from church , and trying to find a place for Chris to live . Amber is cleaning out both of our cars . So off we go to get Chris . Both of the cars are ready to be load with everything he owns . Nikki gets a call back that Chris can live with another young couple from church . O . K . we now have a place for him to live . Then Nikki asks me a question about the mother from hell . The best way I can describe this women is like a chocolate Easter bunny . They are both hollow and have nothing inside . The mother from hell may look good on the outside , but wow , watch out because you get past her shell , . . . well it is really sad . Amber , Nikki , and Chris start loading all of his belongings into our cars . Then he was told to take his cat , or she ( the mother ) would have it put to sleep . So we grab the cat . Amber went home and I took Nikki and Chris to a job interview . ( Thanks Betty . . . she helped find this job ) After that it was back home to grab some dinner and then they went to youth group . After youth group Amber and I loaded up the cat and we went and got Nikki and Chris and took Chris to his new home . There are a few ground rules that Chris needs to follow . As long as he stays there he must go to church if the doors are open , he must finish high school and he must find a job . Chris agreed to those rules . Last night the girls got on craigslist and looked for some stuff for Chris and they even posted an ad for some stuff that he needs . Here I sit this morning . I am very proud of the girls for pulling together to help someone out . Amber even offered to take Chris along to pass out flyer 's and make some extra money . Now I have a few tasks at hand . I am going to take some food over to Posted by I do believe that a few entries back back I said that I could do one kitten in my sleep . Well , this little guy is going to keep me on my toes ! I go up this morning and he was sitting on my dirty laundry . He has already learned to scale the crate ! Then I fed him his breakfast and put him down for a nap , well . . . he got out of his blankets and climbed up on the sofa ! Oh he is such a boy . I did finish the quilt top ! I love this quilt . I just hope the gentlemen that is getting it loves it as much as I do . I am going to send Amber to the store to buy some batting , so I am hoping to get it quilted today . I think I see the sun . I better look at it because we have more rain on the way . Someone should build me an ark . Yesterday afternoon my chest started feeling tight . I know that it is caused by this crazy weather . So I went and bought some stuff to help me cough up this crap . Now I can 't stop coughing . Oh the joys that are my life . The boyfriend went home last night . I do feel bad for this kid . He is trying to get a job and once he gets a job , he is moving out . We did tell him that if he gets kick out to give us a call . We won 't let this kid sleep on the streets . I still don 't get it . However I am going to lead by example . I am going to teach the girls how to have compassion , and how to help others . I am going to make this a teaching opportunity without saying a word . Rusty is taking next week off . I can 't wait to spend a whole week with him ! We will be able to sleep in , have morning sex , and just chill . Rusty so needs this down time , so I will have to pamper him . Well I need to go find speed racer the kitten and then I need to get my day started . I am trying to get everything done before my mom arrives on Friday . I also have the carpet guy coming on Friday , so I have a lot to do . Can someone clone me ? Rusty had to pull off the road and put his truck in 4 wheel drive ! nI can 't believe it was snowing here . Anyway , he jumped in behind a convoy of hummers going back to pendleton , so he made it home . Here are some pictures of our flooded yard , and one of the new baby . We are guessing he is about 3 or 4 weeks old now . Here in southern California we are getting hammered with rain . Some places are suppose to get snow , but I don 't think we will see any of it . I am not going to complain about the rain , because we really need the rain . The sad thing is our ground is so dry , and the rain is coming down so fast , that most of the water is running off . I got a new foster kitten this weekend . He is just so cute ! I only have one baby this time , and he is about 3 or 4 weeks old . I will have to take a picture of him . Rusty is coming back from 29 Palm early , so he should be in sometime today . I so want to see him . When Rusty left he was feeling really bad and he just wanted to curl up and sleep . Poor guy , I will pamper him tonight . Well , Nikki 's boyfriend spent the night last night . His mom kicked him out of the house . . . . . . again . I do feel bad for this kid . He is a good kid , his mom is just strung out on booze and pills . So I don 't know how long he will be here , if his mom sobers at all day I am sure she will call him . I keep telling this kid , you know you just have get your diploma and then I would join the military and never look back . I need to go get some bread started , and I need to get the chili in the crock pot . Rusty loves this meal . Laundry is on my list and I have to work on that quilt . However since it is raining , it will be a good day to stay at home and get everything done . I am glad that it is Friday . Not that I really have anything planned for the weekend , but at least Rusty will be home early . Last night was one of those nights when I should have slept on the sofa . All Rusty did all night was toss and turn and talk . I have never heard that man as much as he did last night . Sometimes I can figure out what he is saying . One time he was yelling at someone to get down , another time he was yelling because there was not enough fuel . Last he was just rambling . So to say the least I did not get much sleep . Today I need to work on a quilt , get dinner started ( bbq beef sandwiches ) and do all the things that a stay at home mom does . Yesterday , Tom asked me what vitamins I take . I do take vitamins , but I am not sure what I run on . Could it be my a type personality ? Could it be that no one knows what momma does until momma don 't do it ? Could it be that I am an over achiever . . . . . my old teachers would disagree with that ! I don 't know , I just do it . I talked to my mom last night and she will be here on the 19th . She will arrive in San Diego early in the day , so she is going to take the train to Oceanside , and then Rusty will pick her up . It will be nice to see my mom , but I know that by the end of her visit I will be glad to see her go . Why is that ? Why do mother get under their daughters skin ? I am trying so hard not to be my mom . Yesterday one of Amber 's friends was over and he said that he has to be out of the house by Feb . I was like what ? Yep his parents told him " You are 18 , so get out " . I am hearing that more and more . I don 't get it . Now that the girls are older I love having them around . Trust me when they were two you could have taken them ! Now I can actually have a conversation with them , they help me out more , and I love hanging out with them . I will say that as far as the girls go my parenting has changed . I am not longer teaching I am more guiding . I love the age that they are at now . Amber thought she had a job , but that job fell through . She is just so bummed . Amber did finally sober white women For the past few weeks I have been reminding myself that I need to go buy Ryan new socks . But every time I went to the store I would forget . Today I was sewing away and that is when it hit me . Why am I buying Ryan socks ? I have a drawer full of mens socks that I got in a box of stuff . So I went and pulled out seven pairs and wrote a big R on the bottom . Now what to do with all the old socks . I must say that the socks are very worn , so most of them wont be of much use . Or could they ? I am going to gather up all of his old sock and take a look at them . I will throw some in Rusty 's rag box . . . . . I have no idea what he does with them , but I know he uses them . I will throw some in my rag box . They are good enough to scrub the toilet with or they can clean up pet barf . So one the hunt I went for ways to reuse old socks and here is what I found . 1 . When dusting or cleaning , simply slip the sock over your hand and use it to wipe down anything in the home . 2 . Fill a sock with rice or wheat , heat in the microwave for a few seconds , and use it as a heating pad . 3 . You can certainly make a sock puppet , or two , or three . . . 4 . Put a ball inside and tie off the end to make a tug toy for a dog . Or fill with catnip for a kitty . 5 . Fill with leftover soap pieces and use in the washing machine for washing delicates . 6 . Shoe Polisher . Rather than ruining one of your good rags for shoe polishing , employ an old sock . The soft fabric is a good buffer and will give your shoes a nice shine . 7 . Tidy Pedicure . Use old socks to protect your bedding while giving yourself an overnight pedicure . Rub Vaseline or another thick cream on your feet and cover them with old socks . Overnight your feet with be moisturized and softened , all without getting anything sticky on your bed sheets . Please feel free to leave me your suggestions on some other way 's to use old socks . Just think today I saved green by going green , and using what I had instead of buying something again . Yesterday was a good day . My first stop was the wounded warrior center . Once we got the quilts inside , we met a marine that was just checking in . So we used this marine to hold up all the quilts . This marine actually chose three quilts . He chose a big one for his bed and a small one for his son , and he chose a Christmas quilt . He looked like a kid in the candy store . I called Rusty and told him that I got to meet one of the warriors and that he chose two of my quilts ! I just couldn 't believe that he liked my quilts . Rusty said " well isn 't that a good thing ? " Yes , it is . I am just always amazed . Last year when I made the quilt for the missionary . . . the missionary was crying in the pictures . She just could not believe the kindness of strangers . I do need to be reminded that quilts are special and that not everyone lives with a quilter . Then I headed over to the animal shelter to deliver their quilts . Someone from the base decided that the shelter needed a face lift . They are getting a drop ceiling put in , new sky lights , and Central air and central heat . I was very happy to see all the work being done . I went up to the exchange to grab some lunch . While their someone turned a bunch of sailors loose , and they were all in dress uniforms . They looked so nice . I love the blue cracker jack uniform . It just looks so crisp . I once told Rusty that I think it looks better then the marines dress blues , but he had to disagree . Then I went on the hunt for a Christmas gift for Rusty . Nothing I saw spoke to me . I usually have his Christmas gift picked out in January so I have to to work on it all year . This year I have nothing . Rusty and I don 't really exchange gift 's , we try to do something for each other , or if we do give a gift we try to really shock the person . In the past I have : * made him a marine corps quilt , which he still sleeps with . * the fist year we had Rusty 's china , I broke it all out and served him a full meal on it . * I bought Rusty his mini medals . Now that was not easy . I had to go gather up all of his medals , drivePosted by BRRR is all I can say about our weather here . I live in Southern California so I expect it to be warm all the time , but not this week . BRRRR there goes the gas bill . So yesterday Amber ended up with three bottles of pill 's . I wrote the street name on all the bottles , so she would know what she had . Then I started reading all the side effects . Amber took her pills and placed then on the counter . She said " the side effects are worse then what I have ! " Oh yes my dear . This morning woke up a few minutes before the alarm clock went off . The alarm finally went off and Rusty beat the clock up trying to turn it off . I said " Well good morning sexiest man alive " . Rusty just grunted and went to the bathroom . He came back and crawled into my half of the bed . He put his arms around me and said " You really should put your glasses on . " Then both of the dogs jumped in bed with us . I asked Rusty if need me to wash an of his cold weather stuff since he will be outside working all next week . Rusty said " I was watching the weather channel last night and they said that we are getting snow as low as 1000 feet . " I said " So it will be snowing in 29 palm while you are there ? " Rusty replied " Yes , and we need to move , I hate snow " I quickly said " well I can pack a bag , lets move back to Hawaii " Rusty just glared at me . He loved Hawaii while we were there , but he said that there are way to many people there . It looks like I might be heading out to Palm Springs on Friday . There is a very young marine we know who is getting stationed at 29 palms and he will be flying in . This poor kid does not have a clue about the marine corp yet . Today I am going to go deliver all my quilts . I have 4 going to the Wounded warrior center and 10 going to the animal shelter . Man I have been busier then I thought . But there is no rest for the wicked . I did go buy some blue material and I will get another quilt done before Christmas . It is going to simple squares , but it will be a quilt and it will get done . While I am down at base I am going to look for some more last minutePosted by Yesterday would have been a good day for someone to remind me that children are a blessing . Amber and Nikki went at it all day long . I was waiting for them to start punching each other , but that did not happen . The last time they came to blows I made them go fight in the front yard . If they are going to act like white trash then at least everyone could watch the fight . Ryan 's teacher still can 't figure out how to give him a calculator . So I had to call the principal again . Once again it blows my mind , there are only five children in his class ! Then we got a call from someone at the school asking us if we needed help with some Christmas gifts for Ryan . I listened to this lady babble on . I understand Ryan needs new shoes and he is getting them for Christmas . I just got him new shoes 2 months ago . I am so sorry that my child is hard on his shoes . Yes Ryan does have several winter sweatshirts and a coat . The problem is he wears them to school and never brings them home . So I had to tell Ryan that if he did not bring home all of his crap that he could not play video game or watch t . v . for two day 's . That is the only way we can get through to him . We have to take away the two things that can do . I swear if you have not raised a handi cap child you have no clue what goes on behind closed doors . Today I have to take Nikki to school and go pay my car registration . I am going to go look for a pair of shoes for Ryan , and then it is back home to do the same old routine . Amber is not feeling well today , so she has a doctors appointment today at 2 . This poor child is just so miserable . As for me . I have taken some radical steps as far as my health goes . My friend Deb told me that she had been praying for me and that she just knows that I am not going in for surgery . I had to laugh . I laughed because for a while now I have been really thinking and researching all of my options . Which are very limited when you have no insurance and no money . I went to the hippy store because I needed some more herbs and some ear candles . I got to talkiPosted by I am finally done ! So here are some pictures . I hope you enjoy them . I will have to give a final count later . I am off to get some shut eye . Saturday I ended up having to take a marine down to airport . I asked everyone else in house if they wanted to ride . Only one Marine said yes . So I grabbed Rusty 's pars pass card and we headed down . After we dropped the marine off we headed to Point Loma . That is my favorite spot in SanDiego . The marine that went with me had never been to Point Loma , so I had a blast showing him the base , the light houses , the history and the cliffs . I just love standing high above the ocean and watching the waves crash in . I said " watch out , the rocks are very slippery " . I had just spoken those words when my feet came out from under me . Boom right on back and bum . Yesterday and today I am feeling the pain from that fall . I am scared to look in the mirror . I just know that my whole right side is going to bruse up . After we got back to town I dropped the marine off at the vfw . Everyone was down there watching the fight . I was heading home when it hit me . I was going home to an empty house . That is a good thing , but then I thought , you know what I am going to go to my girlfriends house . We do not get to spend enough time together . Deb ( my friend ) had all three of her grand babies , so I set all of them up at the breakfast bar and we colorede paper plates while Deb and I talked . It was so nice to just be able to talk with her . Then the children were done coloring the plates , so I got out some " magic beans " and we put then in the middle of the plates and stappled the plates closesd . We also placed the " magic beans " in some water bottles . Deb kept laughing at me . She said " only you could take my pinto beans and make instruments and keep those three happy . " That was the best evening I have had in along time . I got to spend some time with a very dear friend , and I kept her grand babies busy while she cooked . For me it was more then that . I was reminded that you dont need anything fancy to make children happy . all we hade were markers , paper plates and beans . The little things are what matters . Sunday I spent the day wrapping Christmas gifts . Posted by Tom got me to thinking . And we have been e mailing back and forth all night . He is a great guy and he got me to think . Which I should not be doing , because it is late I have not had dinner yet , and I still have two quilts to get done . I think this woman 's Sari is just the most beautiful thing I have seen . I am in the process of trying to get my hands on one of these Sari 's . One of our marines is from India and I told him that I wanted one . So he said that he would work on it for me . I told the marine that I would wear it to the marine corps birthday ball if he got me one ! I also have clothing from the middle east . My in laws lived there for 20 years , so I have a lot of really nice clothing from that part of the world . At my mother in laws funeral I even wore one of her middle eastern coverings . This year to the ball I wore a traditional Mexican dress . I loved that dress , and I think I am going to take the dress up , so that I can it all the time . I wear the clothing because I love it . Why was I born Irish / Native American ? I don 't like their clothing . Just for some laughs let me share with you some of my other clothing . . . . all of which will push the limits . 1 . I have a tee shirt that says toughest job in the corp . . . . marine wife . The single guys laugh , and the wives want to know where I got it . 2 . My children were kind enough to buy my a t shirt that says mean people need to be loved too . 3 . I have another t shirt that says this is a war . . . a war of ideas . 4 . then there is my favorite outfit . That would be my husbands p . t . gear . Man his sweats are just so comfy . Nothing screams take me baby I am yours like puke Green clothing . I once wore that to the store and some dude chased me down and told me that I was not allowed to wear that in public . I just looked at him and laughed . That little marine was just way to cute . 5 . my hats always turn heads . I have a black one and a maroon one . I always place a huge dragonfly pin on them . I think hats are very classy , but people still stare at me . 6 . then there are my bib 's . I lPosted by Yesterday morning I was standing around watching Rusty unbolt a fuel tank . Now that did not keep my attention for more the a few seconds . I started looking around the parking lot , and I saw a ton of trash . I went to the warehouse and grabbed the biggest broom I could find . I then started sweeping the parking lot . I found a broke car stereo , lot of beer bottles , some cd 's and a ton of just trash . One of Rusty 's co workers came out and said " you missed a spot " . O . K . , so he is not a tree hugger like me . Even Rusty said " Why bother ? " Well , that is a good question . Why bother cleaning up a parking lot that is off an alley ? Will anyone really notice ? I noticed . I ended up fill a trash bag with all the crap I swept up . While I was throwing the trash away another one of Rusty 's co workers said " the wineo 's will just leave more bottles there tonight . " Today while I was running around I really looked at my community . The parks were clean . The stores I went into were clean . However , there was a lot of trash on the sides of the roads . Does every just see the trash so often that we no longer think about it ? Or does everyone just assume that someone else will clean it up . Now I know that picking up trash out of a parking lot is not as popular as a beach clean up , but why does something have to be popular before it can get done ? Is our community just a public trash can ? Since when is it so hard to place your trash in a trash can ? This is the only planet we have and I would like to know who gave everyone the right to trash it . People need to learn to not only throw their own trash away , but to take a little bit more pride in the community in which they live . This week I challenge everyone to pick up just a grocery sack of someone Else 's trash . That will make a huge impact on our environment , and our communities . Rusty called me Wednesday night to tell me that the fuel pump on his truck went out . So I drove down to get him . Thursday morning I had to drive Rusty to work . I spent the day at Rusty 's shop , just waiting for the truck to get fixed . I was not about to drive home and then have to go back if the truck was not fixed . What I am about to to you happened about four hours before we left Rusty 's shop . For the record let me say that Rusty sell 's guns and gear for the military , and to anyone who walks in the store . I was in the back room and I noticed a dummy that was dressed . The dummy had on a head scarf that the guys can wear while in Iraq or Afghanistan . You wrap the scarf just like any other head dress and it will help keep the sand and other crap off of you . I took the scarf off the dummy and placed it on my head . That scarf was warm and I was getting cold , so I kept it on . Rusty walked in and he just looked at me . I said " I am going for the middle European peasant look " . Rusty was like whatever . It is me , so nothing shocks Rusty any more . I walked out to the store front to see what was going on . That was when one of Rusty 's co works said " Oh look Grumpy ( another co worker ) has lost his mind . First he hired a hippy and now he hired a Muslim women . " Suddenly two marines look up from the gun case and they just stare at me . The look they shot me should have killed me . Then one of the marines picks up a fire arm , and slides the chamber back . He did this while never taking his eyes off me . I just stood there . I know that fire arm was not loaded , so I knew that he could not hurt me . I also know that I made that marine feel very uncountable . So I stood there . I wanted to see this marine be uncomfortable . It was in that moment that I felt hatred leave that marines body and be imposed upon me . It was at that moment that I learned what it was to be hated just because of the way I dressed . It was in that moment that I decided to not take the head covering off . I was going to wear the head covering the rest of the night . I went and gPosted by So yesterday I stopped at target to see if they had they belts I needed . Now I am not suppose to shop at target because they are owned by the French and they do not support the military , but I had no choice but to look there . I pulled into the parking lot and it is full of the special ed buses . I walk into the store and there were a ton of special ed children in there shopping for Christmas . I just smiled because I know that in a few years that will be Ryan in there shopping . Not only were they in there shopping but the target employees had set up a wrapping station and they were wrapping the gifts for the children . It just made my heart melt . These special ed children were so proud of the fact that they had a very nicely wrapped present to give . On the way home from Target The traffic report came on . " Please avoid the 215 north as there is a military convoy taking up the freeway and they are moving slow " . Yep . My husband will be seeing them out in 29 palms . I love seeing the convoys . I will pull off the road and sit on the hood of my car and just wave to them . I was a sewing fool yesterday . I do not know what got into me , but I just sat down at my machine and started going to town . That is a good thing since I have a ton of sewing I need to get done before next Wednesday . Today I am have to get into Ryan 's room and go through some boxes of clothes . Over the summer I had two ladies give me a ton of clothing for Ryan and all the winter stuff I just shoved into a box , well I guess it is time for me to look at everything and figure out what exactly he has and does not have . Once I am done with that I am going to go back to my sewing . I went on my no spending diet several months ago and I have to tell you that I am still keeping up with it , and it is really paying off . If it were not for me questioning every purchase and making do with what I had on hand . . . . well we would be in trouble . By watching every purchase I had the money to buy a new vacuum and to pay Amber 's phone bill this month . I am just amazed at much moPosted by Our house is filled with odd conversation 's from time to time . Last night was no exception . Rusty had a V . A . appointment yesterday and for the most part it went well . Rusty 's blood pressure and cholesterol are still a little high , so they switched his meds . Rusty is down to 195 pounds , which is not bad since he is 6 ' 2 " . Right after Rusty had his heart attack is doctor told him to start taking fish oil pills . Did Rusty listen . . . . NO . So yesterday the doctor prescribed them to him ! Oh I love his little Korean doctor . She is all about natural remedies going along with prescription drugs . Rusty will have to be monitored every six weeks to check for his liver function . Then I find out that Rusty is going to be gone the whole week before Christmas ! I am really getting sick of him working all these shows . But I guess there are going to be a ton of people training , so he has to go . So let me get this straight . You are going to be gone the week before Christmas and the whole month of January ? Yep . Then he goes on to tell me that he is giving a marine a ride to the airport on the 20th . What ? That vein in my head is starting to bulge . I helped this marine find some cheap airfare , but he said non of it was cheap enough because he was broke . How can you be broke ? You just spent 9 months in Iraq , you did not pay your car off , so where is all of your money ? I told this marine that the train goes 5 blocks from the airport and that he could then get a bus transfer to the airport , and that they between the bus and train it would only take him 45 minutes . Another marine told him to call the uso because they run shuttles down to the airport . Oh no that would be to easy . Instead he asks Rusty for a ride . This marine has never given us gas money , and he expects Rusty to take time away from his family , and to top it all off it is Rusty 's birthday ! Whatever . I spoke my peace with Rusty . I hope they get stuck in a ton of traffic and that the marine misses his flight . Yesterday I had to buy a belt for the vacuum . It is a good thing they come iPosted by I had one person ask me via e mail for a picture of my Grinch and to see a picture of me in the red dress . Lyn , also asked , so here you ladies go . Yep that was me about five years ago . Look at how skinny my arms are . Last night I told Rusty what I wrote about . He said that he loves the women I am today . I was just settling into bed last night . I had some anti vomit medicine , so Tylenol p . m . , I had all my favorite blankets and I was watching the Amazing race . Life was good . Then Nikki comes running into our room just crying . She jumps in bed between Rusty and I . Nikki puts her head on Rusty 's chest and she won 't stop crying . O . K . I can 't handle this . My head hurts . Whoever made my daughter cry is going to get their ass kicked . Once we got Nikki calmed down here is what we heard . Nikki was over at the " boyfriends " house and she made him a birthday cake . Well the cake did not turn out . So everyone in the family made fun of her . Even the " adults " in the house . Nikki was so heart broken . O . K . I have issues with this whole family , but now they have put my daughter in tears . Then we hear the " boyfriend " walk in . Rusty gets out of bed . I said " Tell the marines to kick his ass " . Rusty walks out into the living room and says " Listen here you little fuck head if you or your family ever puts my daughter in tears again I . . . . " This morning we are waiting to see if the " boyfriend " shows up . Nikki is / was going to make him homemade donuts for his birthday . This morning I asked the marines why they did not kick the shit of the " boyfriend " . They all looked at me and one finally said " because you did not tell us to . But now he is 18 , so the next time this happens we will take care of it . " So why do I let this " relationship " go on ? That is an easy one . I have tried to talk to Nikki . I have stuck up for Nikki when the family runs her down . I have tried to show Nikki that there is no pleasing a women ( the boyfriend mom ) who is addicted to pain pills , and booze . I have tried until I have nothing left to try with . The big picture is this . Nikki Posted by I am a stay at home mom . I am also married to a veteran and he is the love of my life . I keep it real here and I hold nothing back . My life is a roller coaster ride , so strap on your seatbelt . . . . here we go ! |
Welcome back to the small town of Timber Lake , Michigan . The streets may be relatively quiet , but a lot is going on behind closed doors ! Most of it revolves around the most attractive man in town , Cooper Moon . Once a womanizer and a liar , Cooper is trying to change his ways . Unfortunately , that 's not so easy . One of his ex - girlfriends is determined to seduce him , he is about to receive a blackmail note from another ex - girlfriend , and his wife is tired of his cheating ways . Women often store treasures . Sometimes the treasures are from past lovers - prom favors , fragile dried flowers , or faded love letters worn soft from reading . Sometimes they are mementos from their children - baby curls , a pacifier , or a scrap from a tattered blanket . These precious items are tangible proof of a time fondly remembered . Proof of a past love or a past life . They are an attempt to keep memories alive . Sally Moon had her own box of memories , although her collection brought no joy . Her box stored mementos of her husband 's infidelities . Housed in a small cardboard box , tucked away in the bottom drawer on her side of the dresser , Sally 's collection consisted of a suggestive note another woman had written to her husband , assorted scraps of paper with phone numbers she had found in his pockets , a barrette she once found in his truck , and a pair of black lace panties recently discovered behind their hamper . Sitting on the bed , the box before her , Sally added another item to her collection : a note she found in Cooper 's pocket a little over a month ago . Until this moment , the note had been kept in Sally 's sock drawer . Now , she felt she was ready to add it to the rest . She read it once more . I could make you happy . I love you with all of my heart . L She still could not believe Libby Cartwright had been so bold , had strutted right into the diner where Sally worked and given Cooper this nasty little note . Just the thought of it enraged Sally , but she still did not know what to do about it . She never did . Mostly , she just ached , haunted by the notion that she was not enough for her husband , broken hearted that he had sex indiscriminately with other women . He assured her he was being faithful now . But Cooper had said the same thing many times , hadn 't he ? When she tried to remember the words of his frequent apologies , she could not . Sally only remembered him saying he was sorry . Every time . Sally loved Cooper Moon . Even after all these years , she couldn 't wait to roll over in the morning to see him sleeping beside her . It was always a little gift , opening her eyes and seeing him , knowing that her bed was the one he chose to wake up in . Although she loved him , love was not the reason she stayed . After years of wondering , she finally realized her devotion to Cooper came down to one thing - faith . Oddly enough , the realization came to her one day while she was watching a documentary on the Holocaust . She wondered how the men and women in the concentration camps had survived such atrocities . How had they survived the days ? What kept them going ? When one of the prisoners was interviewed , he said , " Every day , I held onto the faith that I would be free again one day . " At that moment , Sally realized faith was essential to enduring any situation . That prisoner could suffer through endless days of unspeakable horror because he had faith that one day he would be free . Faith , Sally realized , provides the strength to overcome . The abused wife can endure beatings from her husband because she has faith he will change . The stroke victim can struggle to learn to walk and read again because she has faith in recovery . The cancer patient can endure the side effects of chemotherapy because he has faith he will regain his health . The athlete can endure grueling training because he has faith in winning . Those living in poverty look forward in faith to the day when things will be better . And Sally could endure the heartbreak of infidelity as long as she had faith that someday Cooper would change . But now , someday was here , and her faith was wavering . This was it . She knew it . It was now or never . He promised he would be faithful to her now . And if Cooper couldn 't be faithful to her now that he claimed to believe in God , she knew he never would be . There were no more excuses . If he was unfaithful to her now , all hope was lost . Sally still didn 't know what to make of her husband 's recent conversion . She still wasn 't sure if she even believed it . True , he had built a little church in their woods , and he had even had his first service yesterday . And , as far as she knew , he hadn 't been unfaithful to her since his conversion back in April . He seemed to have changed . But with Cooper , you never knew . Sally almost wished he had never said those words to her . Those words were everything she had ever hoped for . And he promised . They weren 't words he said after getting caught cheating . He promised for no reason at all . Right out of the blue . He gave her everything with that promise , as if he had wrapped her dreams in a box and handed them to her with a delicate bow on top . And this time , she not only hoped he was telling the truth , she believed him . She had faith in him . Almost . Now , when it seemed Cooper had become the man she always wanted him to be , she was most afraid . Her actions betrayed her faith . She found herself questioning him , watching his every move , sniffing for traces of perfume , looking for hints of betrayal . As he talked to her about the church or how he had spent his day , she wondered if he had been in the arms of another woman . She was obsessed with proving her faith was unwarranted , because now , she had so much to lose . Sally could not imagine life without her husband . But she also knew that every woman has her breaking point , a point where living without him seems less painful than living with him . If Cooper cheated on her now , she would have to leave . And should that day arise , Sally knew , too , she would need these mementos , this proof , to give her the strength to walk out the door . Sally tucked the flaps of the box in and returned it to her drawer . There was no need to make much effort to hide it ; Cooper was not very curious . If Sally had seen him putting a cardboard box into his side of the dresser , she would check it as soon as he had left the room . Cooper never even glanced at the box as Sally put it away . " No . I need to get to the diner , " she told him . Sally could feel his breath on her neck . A quiver snaked through her body . She pulled away and turned to face him . " Not often enough . Could you do that every year ? " " No , Sally . I was kidding . He isn 't even going to do it next year . He says he doesn 't like the competition part of it . He only liked the training . " Sally shook her head , crossed the tiny bedroom of the mobile home , and withdrew a coat from the closet . " That 's the stupidest thing I ever heard of . He wins the competition in the best time ever , wins a million dollars , and then decides he doesn 't want to try again . Must be nice to not need money . " Cooper shrugged . " It 's his choice . His life . He 'll be here soon . Why don 't you wait so you can at least be here when he gives us the check ? " " What would I be mad at you about ? " She looked directly into the bluest eyes she had ever seen , eyes she could never resist , and she braced herself . Maybe , just once , he would tell her the truth . Tell her about the note Libby had slipped to him that night in the diner . " Sally , if I 've done something wrong , or said something to hurt you , please tell me . I feel like you 've been mad at me for over a month . What 's wrong ? " " Nothing . Everything is perfect . Just perfect . Right ? " Sally gritted her teeth in an effort to keep from crying . It was painful enough to have her husband possibly sleeping with other women again , but when he lied right to her face it was more than she could bear . She could blame passion for his past infidelities , but every time he lied to her , it felt like a slap in the face . At the touch of his hands , Sally felt her resolve weaken . Maybe , oh maybe … His breath upon her neck caused her to close her eyes and tilt her head back . He pulled her closer , pressing his body against hers . She wanted to stay like that - so close she could feel his heart beating against her body . Reminding herself that he still had not told her about that note , and maybe there was more than a note to be worried about , Sally stiffened . " Let me go . I 'm going to be late . " She pulled away . " You always start this as I 'm headed out the door . " Cooper stood in the bedroom and listened , first to her car door , and then to the car pulling away on the dirt road . The bedroom suddenly seemed much smaller and darker . Their full - sized bed was pushed against one wall . A small bedside table holding a lamp , an alarm clock , and a couple of magazines sat near Sally 's side of the bed . The only other furniture was a scratched dresser they had picked up on trash day from where it had been sitting by someone 's trashcan . Cooper moved to the bed and tried to straighten the blankets . He wasn 't very good at making the bed , but then again , he had not had much practice . Tugging at the comforter , he pulled it up far enough to cover the pillows . Two pillows on the floor had ruffled pillowcases that matched the cover . Cooper tossed them against the head of the bed . He hated the comforter . It was blue with a huge white sailboat on it . He didn 't know anything about decorating , but it didn 't look very good with this dark brown carpeting . Reaching over , he slid the drapes back to let a little light into the room . Outside , he noticed most of the trees had lost their leaves , except for the stubborn oaks . Shades of oranges and browns bathed the woods . It was late October , almost time for Halloween . Snow would cover the ground soon . For some reason , the thought saddened him , but he wasn 't sure why . Cooper had never disliked winter . In fact , he never gave much thought to any of the seasons ; they were just part of life . But this year the oncoming winter seemed ominous , a feeling he couldn 't shake . He had plenty of firewood cut for the winter , so it wasn 't that . Yet the feeling remained . He had just held his first service in the church yesterday . His very own church , a little white building with a simple steeple . Despite a slow start , the service ended up better than he ever expected . The church was full of people . He still couldn 't believe that . He was grateful , but it was more than that . He felt embarrassed . Who was he to lead a church ? To collect hard - earned money ? It felt wrong . And yet , he and TJ had spent the last year building the church and he had to have some sort of money to run it , so he supposed it would be okay . The money was in his sock drawer . Cooper supposed that was as safe a place as any for now . He 'd figure out what to do with it later . Maybe he 'd ask them at the bank today . Maybe he 'd start a business account for the church . His thoughts turned back to Sally . She was acting strange , and for the first time ever , he couldn 't get her to talk to him . Lately , she seemed taut as a spring , and there was no telling which direction she 'd take off in when released . " Nope . Don 't even know if it works anymore . Come on in . You want a cup of coffee ? " Cooper moved to the kitchen and poured himself a cup . With his usual careless , energetic way of moving , which always reminded Cooper of a child , TJ wiped his feet on the rug by the door and walked the few steps to the white Formica kitchen counter that separated the living room from the kitchen . " Here 's your money . " He handed Cooper a white envelope . " Check for fifty grand is in there . " " Man , TJ . Are you sure you want to do that ? That 's a lot of money . You don 't have to . You already paid for the materials to finish the church . That 's more than I ever dreamed of . " " No . I want to . It feels good . I like to help people . For the first time ever , I have money to do that . I might not ever be able to do it again . Right now , that 's what I want to do . " TJ stretched his ropy , athletic arms behind his back and grinned . After adding sugar and milk to his coffee , Cooper walked around the counter and into the living room . " Sit down . Take a load off , unless you got somewhere to be . " TJ unzipped his coat and sat down on the couch . " Where was Sally headed in such a hurry ? Work ? I passed her on the road and she didn 't even wave , acted like she didn 't see me . Maybe she didn 't . " " Then she had to see you . It 's not like there 's any other traffic on a dead end road . Not much to distract her . She 's on her way to work . " Cooper sipped his coffee and placed it on the coffee table . " I don 't know , TJ . She 's been acting weird lately . I don 't know what to think . " " If you ask me , everybody is acting weird lately . Since I won Warrior , you wouldn 't believe how people have been . It 's like everybody is my best friend now . Everywhere I go , I feel like people are talking about me behind my back , pointing at me or just staring . Asking me for my autograph . How stupid is that ? And I get all kinds of letters from people telling me they need money . Half of them are probably fake . How am I supposed to know what 's true and what isn 't ? I got a whole box of them at Jake 's . I don 't even open them anymore . It 's too depressing . " " Yeah , I bet . Must be weird . But I guess you 'll get that - winning a competition that was on TV . It 's not every day someone wins a million bucks . " TJ nodded and sighed . " Sometimes I hate it . And the worst thing is , I don 't know what to do with myself . For five years , I trained every day . Now , I wake up and I don 't know what to do . What in the world do people do with all of their time ? What am I supposed to do with today ? " " Yeah , I guess . I 'm not complaining . Plenty of people got it a lot worse than me . I 'm grateful , don 't get me wrong , but I just feel sort of … I don 't know … lost . " " Why don 't you go to the diner and ask Lucy out ? And why are you still riding a bike ? Why don 't you buy a car ? You can 't take her out on your bike . " TJ stood and moved to the woodstove , warming his hands over the top . " Having money doesn 't change anything with Lucy . I 'm just not on her radar . " " I 'm afraid she 'd tell me no . I 'd rather wait until I have some sort of a chance of her saying yes . " TJ gazed out the window . " Won 't be long and it will be snowing . " " Easy for you to say , Cooper . " She 'd say yes to you , TJ thought . " You 're better with women than I am . " " Sally 's been acting weird lately . Like she 's kind of mad , but she won 't tell me what she 's mad about . And why do you suppose Frank Collette is hanging out at the diner all of a sudden ? " " I 'm not so sure . Have you noticed how much he and Sally talk to each other ? And he always comes in alone . Wouldn 't you think he 'd have a date once in a while ? He 's there all the time . There are other places in town to eat . " Cooper shook his head . " No . It wasn 't like that . She stopped by the diner and gave it to me while we were all watching you on TV . " Cooper wondered briefly if that was why Sally was mad . Sally had seen Libby that night and been none too pleased . But Libby had only stayed for a couple of minutes , just long enough to give him the business card . " Why not ? You can 't keep sleeping at Jake 's forever . And sleeping in the church can 't be too comfortable . You have enough money to pay cash for a house . Or even build a new one . " " Yeah . I think I 'm going to go for a ride . I feel like I got ants crawling all over me . I need to do something . " A short time later , as Cooper was driving to the bank , his thoughts returned to Sally . It didn 't make sense for her to be mad about Libby . Ever since his conversion last April , he 'd been faithful to Sally . For the first time in his life , Cooper was having sex with only one woman . And oddly enough , Sally seemed unhappier than ever before . He couldn 't understand it . Maybe he 'd ignored her too much while he and TJ spent all summer building the church . Cooper tried to remember when things had taken a turn for the worse . It seemed right around the time TJ won the World Wide Warrior contest , but that didn 't make sense . It seems like that would have made Sally happy , knowing that TJ 's win would also mean money for them . But , somehow , her anger seemed to be tied to that win . He remembered Sally had been mad that Libby Cartwright had come into the diner . And maybe Sally saw Libby give him her business card , but hell , he 'd thrown it away before he ever left the diner that night , so why be mad about that ? And he hadn 't had sex with Libby since before he believed in God . Here he was , trying to be a faithful husband , and it didn 't do him a bit of good . He might as well be out screwing around , if Sally was going to walk around pissed all of the time . Cooper parked his truck in front of the bank . The last time he 'd been in here , Frank Collette had turned him down for a loan to buy First Baptist Church . Well , screw Frank Collette . True , the church he and TJ had built was just a small church , and nothing like First Baptist , but it was still a church . And now Cooper had a fifty - thousand - dollar check in his hand . And he was going to enjoy depositing that fifty - thousand - dollar check , right under the nose of Frank Collette . Cooper looked over at Frank 's desk . It was empty . He approached one of the women , a pretty brown - eyed blonde whose name tag read Lee Anne . " He 's not in , but we have other loan officers available . Would you like me to buzz one ? " Her face was flawless with the exception of one small freckle on her forehead , which only made her more beautiful . Cooper shook his head . " No . I guess I 'll just deposit this . " He grabbed an ink pen from the pen holder on the counter , quickly signed the check , and pushed it toward her . The teller 's eyes widened at the amount of the deposit . She started asking Cooper questions , offering all kinds of bank services , but Cooper heard little of what she said . When she paused , awaiting his response , he asked , " Why 'd he leave ? " As the young woman made the deposit , Cooper looked at Frank 's desk again . While he waited , a woman sat down at the desk and began typing on a keyboard . A small vase on the corner of the desk held flowers . Must be her desk now , he thought . " Thanks . " He collected his deposit receipt and turned to leave . Lee Anne said something as he headed for the door , but he did not hear her . The visit to the bank was not nearly as much fun as he had thought it would be . He had so wanted Frank to see that fifty - thousand - dollar deposit . Across town , Lucy Miller stood in her parents ' new sunroom . Cooper and TJ had built most of it . They had been in the middle of finishing the drywall when her mother had fired Cooper . That night , Ivy had explained to her husband , Drake . " He said he was getting the raw end of the deal . " From her bedroom , Lucy had overheard the entire conversation . " He said it was too much work , building the sunroom in exchange for you processing his timber . He got nasty about it , so I fired him . " But Lucy knew that wasn 't true . Cooper had been fired because he refused to sleep with Ivy . Long ago , Lucy had lost any illusions about her mother . She knew exactly what kind of woman she was : bitter and desperate . She slept around . Everyone in town knew it . Lucy supposed her father knew it too . But she also knew that Cooper didn 't want anything to do with Ivy . It wasn 't too hard to piece together the puzzle . Ivy had been coming on to Cooper that day , and the next thing Lucy knew , he had been fired , was gone . Her parents hired someone else to finish and paint the drywall , and then hired a couple more guys to come in and install the floor tile . Still , though , Lucy liked to be in the room . It reminded her of Cooper . But most things reminded her of Cooper . She wondered why Cooper had not said anything about the note she had slipped into his pocket that night in the diner , when they were all watching TJ on World Wide Warrior . Some woman Cooper had called Libby had come in and given Cooper a business card . Lucy didn 't know Libby , but she didn 't like the look of her . Beautiful - and without even trying . Who could like a woman like that ? Lucy hated that Cooper even knew such a woman . She refused to think about how well he might know her . Sally had also seen the woman give Cooper the business card , and she was plenty mad ; that much was clear . Sally had been hateful the rest of the night , so hateful that Lucy had found the courage to finally let Cooper know how she felt about him . Scrawling a note on a scrap of paper , she 'd then stuck it inside his jacket pocket . I could make you happy . I love you with all of my heart . L Yet Cooper had still not said a word about the note . True , it had only been a few weeks ago , and the only time Lucy had seen him since then was at his church service , and it was hard to talk there , with everyone standing around . But still , Lucy thought that Cooper would have given her some sort of sign by now , a knowing look , a smile , or even another note in exchange . But , so far , nothing . Lucy stood barefoot on the cold tile floor and looked across the backyard at a squirrel that was busy gathering acorns . If she married Cooper , he could build her a house . Their very own house . Wouldn 't that be something ? And she 'd never be hateful to him like Sally was . She 'd ask him to build a sunroom on their house that was twice as big as this one . She 'd like to see her mother 's face on that day . The thought brought a smile to Lucy 's face . Another thought took her smile away just as quickly . Maybe Cooper had not found the note ! She had slipped it into his right jacket pocket that night at the diner , but guys were weird . Maybe he never even looked in his jacket pockets . Maybe that was why she still had not heard anything from Cooper ! |
Caution : This Incest Sex Story contains strong sexual content , including mt / ft , mt / Fa , Fa / ft , Consensual , Romantic , Fiction , Incest , Mother , Son , Brother , Sister , Grand Parent , Spanking , White Couple , White Male , White Female , First , Oral Sex , Masturbation , Squirting , Size , Big Breasts , Desc : Incest Sex Story : Chapter 1 - Mary Ann Parker is a caring mother , a beautiful and faithful wife and a good christian . When her 16 year old son is injured in an accident she has to take care of him . She would do anything to make him feel better but how far is she willing to go ? This experience will change her family in a way she never expected . The best word to describe Mary Ann Parker would be " luscious " . It all began when she was just 10 years old and she started to grow breasts . Being the only girl with breasts , the boys in school started to tease her and tried to feel her up . She didn 't understand their sudden behavior when she had been getting along great with them in the past . But the worst part for Mary Ann was how the other girls reacted . They were mean to her and started to call her names , like cow , tramp or slut . Rumors started to spread that she put out during dates . Many guys tried to date her but a rumor spread saying she only dated older boys . Her mother told her it was just jealousy and it would stop when the other girls went through puberty . Unfortunately for Mary , things only got worse as she matured . By the time some of the girls started to show tiny bumps on their chests , Mary Ann already had an impressive pair of udders . The boys were still obsessed with her and now even grown men couldn 't keep their eyes off her . By the time she turned 18 she such huge breasts that could just barely be contained by her 36J bra , and they couldn 't be concealed by any means . She was 5 ' 8 " and 124 pounds , with a thin waist and a round - shaped ass . Between her huge breasts , her great ass and her long shapely legs , her angelic face with its luscious lips and hazel eyes framed by her long brown hair often went unnoticed . During all her teenage years , every boy or man she met had his eyes locked on her breasts . On the few dates she agreed to go , the boys tried to get to second base every two minutes . For those reasons and , as years went by , she grew to hate sex and all that was related to it . Her only solace was religion . Every Sunday , she would go to church with her parents and the sermons about sin really hit home . She began to be more active in church activities and since people were nicer there she felt at home . Unbeknownst to her , a lot of people still talked behind her back despite being polite in front of her . It was during an event at church that she met Carlisle , her future husband . She was 17 at the time and he was 31 . For her , he was the perfect man . He told Mary he was a virgin like her . He strongly believed premarital sex was wrong and hadn 't found a woman he wanted to marry yet , so he had yet to have sex with a woman . When Mary Ann heard that she didn 't believe him at first , but after weeks of seeing each other he never made any improper move toward her . He just gave her a chaste kiss on the lips at the end of their dates . In her mind , she was living a fairy tale . Two weeks after her graduation from high school they were married , and nine months later she gave birth to a girl they named Christine . Mary was glad she got pregnant on her wedding night because that night didn 't make her change her attitude towards sex , it only accentuated it . The act lasted no more than two minutes and gave her absolutely no pleasure . She initially thought it would at least be a little fun because everyone else seemed obsessed by sex . After that experience she would ask herself why people would do anything for sex despite it being a sin , and not even a pleasurable one . Unfortunately for her , Carlisle absolutely wanted a son , a male heir . So she had to endure another night of sex , but like the previous time , one try was enough to do the trick . In both occasions , Carlisle and Mary Ann had timed their sexual encounter to match the most fertile days in her cycle . Two years after Christine was born , Mary gave birth to a boy they named Bradley . Carlisle was happy with Bradley and never bothered Mary for another child or another intimate moment again . That was why , unlike other women , she didn 't have to tie her tubes or get on the pill to avoid getting pregnant . You simply couldn 't get pregnant without sex . Carlisle was a very active father at first but when he received a promotion at work he started to work longer hours and went out of town a few days per month . He tried to be present for the kids but with each promotion he spent more and more time on the road . Thank God his best friend and partner Jason White always went with him on their business trips , so he wasn 't alone . To compensate for his long absences , he was spending a lot of time with the kids when he was in town , especially with Brad . But by the time Brad turned 14 , his father was away on business 11 months of the year , leaving Mary to raise the children by herself . Since both Christine and Brad were already teenagers , it didn 't bother her very much , until one fateful day . She had gone shopping for a dress that day . It usually took her hours to find a decent and pretty dress . All the dresses nowadays were too slutty for her taste . Why couldn 't they sell dresses without cleavage , with the hem below the knees and which didn 't cling to her body ? She wanted to look nice without having all the men drooling over her . It was for her daughter 's Confirmation , and she didn 't want to wear an old dress for such an occasion . She was extremely lucky that day because the first store she tried had an exceedingly beautiful dress that looked decent on her and even made her breasts look slightly smaller . It was impossible to hide the fact that she was very well endowed , no matter what she tried . That 's was why she was able to return home only one hour after she had left . The house was quiet so she assumed Brad and Christine were out . Mary went to the laundry room to put her new dress in the washing machine . The clothes on the hanger were dry so she ironed them . Thirty minutes later she was done and climbed the stairs to put the clean clothes in her kids ' rooms . Without knocking , she entered Brad 's room and froze . He was on his bed , naked , with his hands on his penis . He was masturbating ! Upon seeing his mom Brad immediately attempted to hide his penis from view with the magazine he was reading . Five minutes later , Brad came downstairs . His head was low and he was looking at his feet . Mary was sitting on a chair in the living room . As soon as she saw him she told him . " I 've called Reverend Moore and he has agreed to see you in an hour . I can 't believe you did such a despicable thing but he will surely straighten you out . I 'm really disappointed in you Brad . You have let me down . " She was slowly shaking her head when she said that . She was really disappointed because she thought her son was perfect and he had just proved her wrong . " You really think I will believe such a pathetic excuse ? You have to molest yourself to relieve your pain ? I beg you , Bradley , don 't take me for a fool , " she said , still furious . " Every single day ? You do th . . . that every day ? It 's worse than a nightmare . " There was a note of despair in her voice . Mary was lost . It wasn 't normal for Brad to crumble the way he did . She considered her son a fairly smart and mature kid for his age . On the one hand , she was concerned for her son who could be really suffering , but on the other she was having a hard time believing him . He had never lied to her , but her image of Brad being the perfect son had just been shattered and now she was doubting him . She was almost certain he was lying but she couldn 't be sure . As long as there was a small possibility he was telling the truth she just couldn 't ignore it . Fortunately , there was a simple solution to resolve this issue . The next day , Mary and her son had an appointment with Dr . Leeman . He was a male family doctor . Mary made sure her husband and her son had a male doctor and she and Christine had a female doctor . For one , she thought it wasn 't appropriate to be seen naked by the opposite sex , and two , that way she felt more at ease as she believed any doctor was better qualified to examine a patient of the same gender . After a few background questions , he examined Brad 's penis behind a curtain to block Mary from viewing her son 's genitals . Then he took some blood samples and asked Brad for a sperm sample too . He led Brad to the toilet and handed him a cup . " What is it ? " Mary asked , concerned . Her son apparently wasn 't lying , so now her motherly instincts were kicking in and she really was worried . " Nothing , Mrs . Parker . Hyperspermia is not a bad thing . Bradley just has a much higher sex drive than other men , plus he is probably experiencing an inflammation of his seminal vesicle , which produces about 70 % of the volume of every ejaculation , but judging from the size of his testicles and the amount of ejaculate , it 's highly probable that the rest of his sexual organs are naturally much bigger than those of the average male . I 'm referring to the accessory glands , the prostate gland and the bulbourethral glands . However , I don 't think he has anything to worry about at the moment , " Dr . Leeman answered her in the most professional way . " Well , men produce semen continually and when they have sex or masturbate they only relieve a small amount of what they store . But Bradley here can 't store very much compared to what he produces , because he produces too much sperm , which is built up and stored in his testicles . It 's my guess his testicles can only store 12 to 16 hours of sperm production and when they are full , the pain just acts as a reminder to empty them , " the doctor explained . " No he DOES NOT have to masturbate . He 'll just suffer from excruciating pain and his body , in a bid to stop the pain , will probably cease to produce sperm . It could take weeks of torture for your son and he will be sterile as a result . What 's more , it 's not unheard of that such a clinical picture can evolve into prostate cancer in certain cases if not treated properly . If that is what you actually want , he can stop masturbating , " the doctor said sarcastically . He couldn 't stand religious nut jobs like her who thought anything that brings pleasure was a sin . He was a good Christian and went to church every Sunday , but his church was not as narrow - minded as some . The world evolves , so does Christianity , Dr . Leeman believed . That comment shut Mary up for good . She had no reason whatsoever to doubt the doctor 's judgment . After all , she was the one who had picked him as the family doctor to treat Carlisle and Brad . On the way home , Mary was feeling very guilty . Her son had been suffering for some time and she hadn 't noticed anything . What kind of mother didn 't know when her child was ill ? A bad one , she shamefully thought . " Brad , " she called out to her son , " I 'm sorry I doubted you yesterday . I didn 't know such a disease existed and I thought you just did what you did to feel pleasure . I 'm so sorry , son . " " It 's OK , Mom . I know what it must have looked like to you and I 'm glad you brought me to the doctor . I thought some demon had taken possession of my body and forced me to commit a sin . I thought I was doomed for eternity , " he explained to his mother . " Oh , Honey , " she sympathized with him . " You should have told me earlier and we could have dealt with it together . Don 't you know I 'm always here for you , no matter what ? " " Sorry , Mom . I swear the next time something happens , I 'll come to you , " Brad promised to his mother . He didn 't point out that she would have probably tried to make him stop if he had gone to talk to her about his masturbation habit in the first place . When they came back home , they went straight to the study room . The family computer was there , but only Mary used it . Brad and Christine both had a computer in their own rooms and Carlisle never went anywhere without his laptop . Mary wanted to know what to expect from Brad 's hyperspermia condition so she had Brad do some research on the subject on the Internet . There were many websites that talked about hyperspermia but none of them was very useful . Apart from learning it was a condition which made men ejaculate much more than average they couldn 't find any more useful data . They were only able to learn that a lot of men wished they had that condition because Brad found a lot of websites that pretended they could help induce hyperspermia . If men wanted that condition , it couldn 't be so bad to suffer of it , though Brad . Mary was a little concerned when she saw on a forum a quote about low sperm count but , a few days later , Dr . Leeman called to confirm his diagnosis and told her Brad had the highest semen volume and sperm count he had ever seen . The doctor was afraid that such a high amount of semen produced could affect the sperm count and become a problem when Brad tried to become a father , but it looked like that wasn 't the case . Brad was going to be just fine as long as he ejaculated several times a day . Brad was on a school trip at the time . Mary was sleeping when the phone rang at two in the morning . The jarring sound roused Mary out of a deep sleep and immediately brought panic with it . It was a call from a hospital near the place her son was staying with his school , informing her that Brad had been in an accident . He had suffered some physical injuries , but his life was not in danger . She woke up Christine and the two of them drove in a hurry to the hospital . Both Christine and she were in a state of panic during the drive to the hospital . When they arrived , a nurse informed them that Brad had suffered burns and was asleep due to the medication they had given him to ease the pain . His condition was stable and his injuries weren 't life threatening but the doctor would tell her more in the morning . When they entered Brad 's room , Mary and Christine rushed to his bed but were careful not to touch him . He was covered with bandages and his hands seemed to have five of six layer of them . Despite that , he seemed to be sleeping peacefully . Mary hugged her daughter while they both cried , worrying about Brad 's health . The nurse said his life wasn 't in danger , but it didn 't make them feel much better because they still didn 't know what had happened to him . They knew he was burned but not how bad it really was . Mary tried to comfort Christine by telling her everything would be alright even if neither of them believed it yet . Exhausted from having been woken up at 2 in the morning and worrying about her brother , Christine managed to take a nap while Mary still watched her son sleep . She was very concerned about her dear son 's injuries . She had never been so scared in her life and sleep wouldn 't come to her , regardless of how exhausted she felt . During the night Mrs . Abbot , Brad 's English teacher and the trip supervisor , came to see Mary . " Mrs . Parker , your son is a hero , " she stated before giving Mary some explanations . " Some boys were smoking in a closet before bed and tossed their cigarette butts without putting them out when they thought they were going to be found . Unfortunately , the closet was filled with cleaning supplies . The firemen told me a mop caught fire and with all the chemicals in that closet the fire grew out of control very fast . In a moment , the area around the closet was on fire . The boys in Brad 's room woke up from the heat and left the room in a hurry . When they were nearly out of the building Brad noticed James Kovolsky wasn 't with them and headed back alone . The other boys were too afraid and assumed James was already out . But he wasn 't ! He was the last to leave his room and a beam had fell on him . He had one foot trapped under the beam . Brad tried to lift the beam but couldn 't so he apparently used a metal rod he found nearby as leverage . With the fire , the rod was boiling hot , but he managed to lift the beam . It cost him severe burns on his hands but he saved James ' life . James also suffers from burns and his ankle is broken , but he is alive thanks to Brad . Your son is a hero , Mrs . Parker . You should be proud of him . " Mary was extremely proud indeed , but she was overcome with worry . That was her main emotion . The nurse had told Mary the injuries weren 't life threatening , but nothing said he would be able to use his hands like he did before or that the rest of his body would fully recover . She talked with Mrs . Abbot for an hour before the teacher had to go to supervise the rest of the students . Mary stared at her son with a mixture of anguish and admiration for a long time . She already knew he was a kind boy who was nice to everybody and was faithful to his friends , but she had no idea he would risk his own life to save someone . She was proud of him and hoped he would never have to do that again . Her heart wouldn 't be able to handle it if anything happened to any of her children . " Hi Mrs . Parker , I 'm Dr . Crane . I 'm sure you must be worried , so let 's get down to business . Your son suffers from second degree burns on his hands and first degree burns on other parts of his body . I want to reassure you that nothing suggests he will not fully recover and I consider he can even go home today . The minor burns will heal in the next week or so but his hands will take a month to recover enough for him to at least start to use them . Do you plan on taking care of him yourself or hire a nurse ? The treatment is easy enough but your son will need constant assistance because he can 't use his hands so I would recommend a nurse . It would be expen . . . " The doctor gave her specific instructions on the care Brad would need . She was to apply lotion on his body for the next five days and keep the bandages on his hands for no less than 10 days , and then go see a doctor to follow - up . If everything went according to plan , she would have to apply lotion on his hands for another two to three weeks . Mary was relieved to know Brad would be okay . All night , she had had a sick feeling at the pit of her stomach worrying he would lose the use of his hands or that his body would be scarred for life . Fortunately , that would not be the case as long as she followed the doctor 's instructions . Later that day , Mary and her two children returned home . Christine managed to tell Brad she was jealous he would be missing a month of school . She couldn 't look at him for more than five seconds before breaking down and cry . She couldn 't handle to see her brother looking like he had been on the brink of death . Brad wasn 't so thrilled because he would have to spend a whole month without playing video games or shooting hoops with his friends and team mates . He was sure he would be bored to death for an entire month just watching TV . At home , Mary made sure to check on Brad constantly . She even bought a baby monitor in case he needed to call her during the night . It was after dinner on their first evening back at home that the effect of the meds finally wore off . Brad started to feel a little pain from his hands but an even worse pain coming from his groin . He hadn 't masturbated since the previous day and his testicles were full . He went to see his mother , the only one besides the doctor who knew about his problem . Call the doctor ? Of course he wanted her to call the doctor . Her sweet son wouldn 't ask her to do something so disgusting , would he ? The call to the doctor was quick and straight to the point . Dr . Leeman worked late every day so he was still in his office to pick up the phone . His answer was simple : the only way to remove the pain was masturbation and he couldn 't ask a nurse to do it . She had to find someone to do it . It was easy to say but who could Mary ask ? She had a lot of friends from church but it would be humiliating to ask one of them . If Carlisle were here she 'd ask him , but he would be away on business for at least another three months . She had called him in the morning to tell him about Brad 's incident . He told her he would try to go home immediately . It would cost him the promotion he was expecting but his family was more important than that . Mary convinced him to stay where he was because she knew how hard he had worked to get that promotion . She was convinced she could take care of Brad by herself . He reluctantly agreed with her before saying goodbye and ending the call . Her contemplation was cut off by Christine , who told her she was going out to see her friends and would be back home by 9 . For the past year , Christine was spending most of her free time out of the house . She was just home for dinner every day and would be out past 9 if Mary did allow it . It was bothering Mary a lot because she was losing touch with her princess but , no matter how much she tried , she couldn 't make Christine confess to her why she was behaving like that . Mary didn 't have a problem with her daughter 's friends , whom she even liked , and would be glad to have them coming over like they used to when they were younger , but they hadn 't visited for the past year and she didn 't know why . Brad wasn 't of any help either . Mary had asked him if he knew what was going on with his sister , and considering how close Brad and Christine were she thought he might have known , but he didn 't . Every time he had tried to do something with his older sister she had told him she had plans and bailed on him . Mary climbed the stairs to see if Brad was alright . She hoped he could wait so she could find someone to help him . Unfortunately , he was rolled into a ball on his bed , trying to make the pain go away . Seeing her son so distressed made the decision for her . She would sacrifice herself to help her son . She hoped God would understand . " Alright , Brad . I called Dr . Leeman and there is only one way to help you . You have to be masturbated and nurses don 't do that , so I 'll have to do it , " she told him . He looked up at her in surprise . His mother would jerk him off ? It was crazy , but he was in so much pain he didn 't really care if she was his mother or a monkey , as long as he could cum . " Now stand up . I 'm going to touch your penis in a way a mother shouldn 't touch her son , but don 't you dare show me anything other than respect after that or I won 't do it again . And I don 't care if you become sterile , " she threatened him . Mary knelt between her son 's legs , unzipped his jeans and took them off . There was a huge bulge in his boxers . When she drew his boxers down she couldn 't believe what she saw . Her son 's penis looked huge and very thick . It was the first penis she had actually seen erect and it looked to be about 9 inches long and 2 to 3 inches in diameter . The two times she had had sex with her husband they had done it in the dark . She wasn 't sure how long her husband was but she was sure he wasn 't nearly as thick as Brad or she would have felt it . She took a deep breath to settle her nerves but the odor of her son 's penis struck her at the same time . It was a nice smell , a smell that made her feel really good , in fact . " Language , Brad ! It 's a penis and I masturbate you . It 's already awful enough for me , I don 't want you to use crude language as well , " she scolded him . " Alright , you can use that crude language when I 'm touching you down there . I know men can 't help themselves when they are excited , but only when I 'm helping you , ok ? Now , what do I use for lubricant ? " she asked him . With that knowledge she reached for his dick head and spread his pre - cum all over his penis . Once it was slick she resumed her hand job . It was much easier for her now . She was actually fascinated by her son 's dick . She had never found the penises she saw in pictures pretty . But , if she had to be honest , she would say her son 's dick was beautiful and very manly . Her strokes became faster and only five minutes after she started Brad felt he was about to cum . This being the first hand job she had ever given , Mary had not thought about where her son was going to ejaculate . That 's why when Brad shouted he was cumming Mary didn 't know what to do and just remained still , kneeling on the floor . Brad 's dick began to spit load after load of white , creamy cum . The first four spurts hit her right on the face . Surprised , she backed out a little and bent his dick downward so that the next blows landed on her breasts , which were covered by her blouse . When he was finished Brad looked down at his mom and saw her literally covered in cum . Her face had a white mask on it and even her hair was matted by cum . The top of her red blouse was now white and a lot of cum was dripping on her jeans . She looked so hot at that moment his view of her started to change . She used to be just " Mom " and not a woman , but now , seeing her drenched in cum , he began to see her as a woman - and a hot one at that . However , all this took place in his subconscious mind so he didn 't notice it . For Mary , the experience was humiliating . Her son had just ejaculated on her . She was covered by her son 's semen . What 's more , part of the first spurt had landed in her mouth and to avoid having more in it she closed it without spitting it out first . At first she wanted to spit it out once he was finished but it tasted so good she swallowed it by accident . There was just one thing that made the fact she was covered by semen bearable , and it was the smell . At least it smelled good and didn 't cause her to want to vomit as she would 've thought just minutes earlier . Not knowing what to say , she stood up and left the room . Once in her bathroom she took her clothes off and jumped in the shower . She spent 30 minutes just washing her hair and face because the water transformed the semen into a sticky paste . Her shower finished , she put her pajamas on and went downstairs to the laundry room . She put her blouse , jeans , bra and panties in the machine , not caring for one second that she shouldn 't put delicates in with regular clothes . She programmed the hotter temperature and started it up . The experience was so dreadful that she had apparently even sweated around her crotch area . She noticed her panties were drenched before putting them in the machine too . Meanwhile , Brad was lying on his bed , thinking . Because of his condition he had grown up differently than his sister . Christine was like their mom . She didn 't date much because boys were only after one thing - the thing she would only give her husband . Brad didn 't think his sister masturbated because it was forbidden in the house , and Christine deeply admired their mother , so she wouldn 't do anything to disappoint her . He , on the other hand , was allowed to jerk off so he had a completely different view of sex . He knew his mother didn 't want to acknowledge the fact he jerked off a lot and to keep being blind to that fact she only went into his room to put his clean clothes on his bed . She used to put them away in his closet , but now she was afraid to find dirty magazines in it so she just left his clean clothes on his bed . Thanks to that he had managed to store a lot of porn in his room . He hid , not very well , magazines and some DVDs under his bed , but his main source of porn was his computer . He had an entire hard disk drive filled with it . He had it all : pictures , comics , movies , stories , hentai videos and comics , etc . Unlike his sister , he was quite popular in school . Christine could be the high school prom queen with her beauty if she wanted . However , just like her mom , she wore nice clothes , but nothing remotely sexy . She wasn 't friendly with the popular girls because they liked to party , date a lot and were sexually active . The boys didn 't chase her because even her big breasts and her pretty face didn 't make up for the fact that she was a prude . Everybody knew a date with her never included even a single kiss . Christine mostly remained with her small group of friends and didn 't care about the rest . Brad , on the other hand , was on the basketball team and was pretty good at it . He was already on the varsity team even though he rode the bench . He was tall and muscular . His handsome face made him really popular with the girls , but he didn 't date much . With his sister being in the same school she would know if he went out with a girl , and she and his mom considered every girl in school a harlot because wearing a dress above knee length qualified them for the title . He really wanted to date at least some of those girls because they represented 95 % of the female population at school and all the pretty ones were in that group , with the only exception of his sister . But doing so would piss his mother off big time . He loved his mother and didn 't want to disappoint her , and what 's worse , home would be a living hell . That 's why his only girlfriend had been a girl he had met at church camp last year , and their activities never went beyond kissing , except on the last night of camp when she allowed him to touch her tits . They were little but still great . He used to be like Christine and his friends were geeks who were more interested in Star Wars than girls . He liked them and their interests for movies and video games were the same as his , but there was one thing missing . Since he was little , his father was playing sports with him when he had time . When Brad was a kid it meant daily games with his father . They played football , baseball , basketball and sometimes hockey , but he soon discovered his passion for basketball . Carlisle had installed a hoop above the garage door and they played a lot of games just the two of them . His father taught him everything he could about sport and they went together to games regularly . Even now that his father was away on business a lot they went to see a game or two when he was home . When he entered high school , Brad joined the basketball team and he made new friends . He learned a lot about sex from them because they talked about it all the time . At first , Brad was uneasy talking about sex but as time went by he realized the guys were just like him . His view about sex and religion started to change and he came to think of things his mother and religion taught him as stupid . He also knew that some of his friends ' behavior was stupid and he was smart enough not to act like them . They sometimes liked to bully nerds and he always tried to dissuade them . Brad 's geeky friends disapproved of his new pals and gradually shut him out . They didn 't realize how much he loved to play basketball and that for the first time he could play with teammates and not just 1 on 1 . He was sad to lose his old comrades , but he made efforts to remain friends . They just didn 't care because they now saw him as a jock . He used to invite his nerdy friends over a lot . He had planned to do the same with his jock friends but he knew his mother wouldn 't approve of them , so he had to do it carefully . However his plan changed when he started to go to his friends ' house . They always commented on each other 's mothers whenever they were invited to one of their houses . It was said as a joke , but the crude remarks about someone mom 's ass and tits was totally disrespectful . And their mothers weren 't even that pretty ! He noticed that the more beautiful a mother was , the less they were invited to come over . That 's the reason why he had never invited his jock friends over . His mother was prettier than anyone else 's and he knew that her enormous breasts and astounding ass would be the source of a lot of teasing . So he said to his friends that his mother was a neat freak and didn 't allow him to invite friends . His sister could because she invited girls , but boys were messy according to his mother . It was a lie that was close to the truth , his mother was really a neat freak . He had just earned the right to brag to his friends but he wouldn 't . He had gone further with a girl than ever before . . . And not just any girl , but his own mother ! His friends would be jealous if he had done that to another girl . However , even if he could tell them , he wouldn 't . His family had taught him better than just ' kiss and tell ' . He was a good kid at heart and he would never do that . After all , he had just received his first hand job from his mom . He couldn 't believe it . He had even given her a facial - something he 'd always wanted to do to a girl but never thought one would actually let him . He didn 't know if his mother had let him do that or if she had just been surprised by his powerful ejaculation . She had seemed to be a little lost for what to do when she jerked him off . That wasn 't strange because she must have not done something like that for a long time . Surely it couldn 't have been her first time . He knew his parents hadn 't had sex since he was little though . They had slept in different bedrooms ever since he could remember and he hadn 't heard anything sexual from the moment he knew what sex was about . Even with his bandaged hands he managed to put his boxers back on . It was painful but he did it . His mother was probably freaked out by what had happened and it would be less awkward for her if he had his underwear on when she came back to help him put his pants back on . The rest of the evening was spent in silence after that . She helped him pee and even washed him in the shower . It wasn 't easy for her because Brad got hard during the shower and she had to masturbate him once again . The rest of the shower was easy enough . After wrapping his bandages with waterproof plastic bags she just had to wash his hair and scrub his body with a special soap . It reminded her of the time when he was little . The difference was the long tube of meat which rose between his legs . Strangely the second hand job was more awkward for her . She stroked his penis from the side and let him ejaculate in the shower . But this position was odd for her . It was so impersonal and clinical , she immediately disliked it . She chose not to hire a nurse who wouldn 't treat him with love . She didn 't want the treatment to become soulless , and masturbating him in the shower like that felt wrong . If he thought she felt forced to help him it could create a rift between them . She didn 't want that so she determined that the position she was in earlier was much better . It even felt more natural . She just had to find somewhere else for him to blast his seed . The next morning Brad woke up with a piss hard on . He called his mom with the baby monitor and she came to his room carrying a bowl . She took his pajamas and boxers down and knelt between his legs . She began to stroke his dick and told him to warn her before he spurted his manly discharge . He really was full because it only took two minutes for him to announce he was ready . She took the bowl and aimed his dick toward it . She watched him discharge what felt like gallons of semen into the bowl . At the end , the bowl was one - tenth full . She took a tissue and carefully wiped his dick . Once he was clean , she put his clothes back on . She chose not to say anything about his use of the word " cum " . Kids these days spoke like that and scolding her son while she gave him a hand job wouldn 't have had much of an effect . As long as the words ' fuck ' and ' cock ' weren 't used in her presence she didn 't really mind his language . It even seemed appropriate , all things considered . He was right about the next masturbation session . It took her nearly 30 minutes to make him blast his semen . While she stroked him she was surprised to enjoy the experience . The only inconvenience was her knees , which hurt because she stayed in that position for a long time . Next time , she silently reminded herself , she would bring a cushion . She didn 't consider sitting with him on the bed because kneeling in front of Brad just seemed right . What she was really starting to like was the pleasure she brought to her son with her hands . She always thought masturbation was a shameful and nasty act , but maybe she was wrong . It wasn 't nasty at all because a penis could be beautiful and the smell was very nice . Once again she was amazed by the volume of semen he shot each and every time . He always seemed to fill one - tenth of the bowl . Again , she cleaned his penis with a tissue and put his pants back on . She went to the bathroom to clean the bowl but once the door closed behind her she remembered how his semen had tasted the day before . She couldn 't really like the taste of semen , could she ? She had to verify it again because it had haunted her since the previous evening , so she dipped one finger into the bowl and then put it in her mouth . It was surprisingly delicious . She had never tasted anything so good ! Before she knew it she had brought the bowl to her mouth and drank its contents . After that , she felt a shiver go through her body and her sex burning , but once she put down the bowl those feelings were followed by guilt and shame . She couldn 't believe she had just drunk her son 's spermy load . She finally cleaned the bowl and went to her room , where she cried over what she had done . But she couldn 't stay all day in her room . She had to help Brad pee and then she had to prepare lunch . As part of her duties , Mary also had to feed Brad , but that was a task that lifted her spirits because it reminded her of the years when Brad was a baby . She didn 't eat much herself because , for some reason , she wasn 't hungry . Brad asked for another hand job right after lunch . Mary brought a cushion but she was emotionally uncomfortable the whole time . She still enjoyed the session but she thought she shouldn 't . She would have to confess the next time she went to church . That time and all the other times she masturbated her son she flushed his semen down the toilet . When she went to sleep that night she couldn 't believe she had masturbated her son seven times in a day . And the volume of semen he produced was almost identical each time . Absolutely unbelievable ! However , she now understood why he was in pain when he didn 't play with himself . His organs were just big enough for holding one ejaculation so if he didn 't relieve himself often enough his testicles would swell up big time . No wonder he couldn 't stand the pain . That night she dreamt of her son 's muscular body and his big and thick penis . In the morning , she noticed her panties were wet once again , as if she had peed a little during the night . " Weird , " she thought . For the next two days the pattern mother and son followed was the same except , the masturbation sessions lasted longer and longer every time . She felt like her days were filled with hand jobs and nothing else . She barely had the time to cook , but she couldn 't properly clean , so the house got dirtier every day . She had to call in reinforcements , so she called her mom , Eleanor , and asked her for help . Eleanor , who lived over a hundred miles from Mary , would be sleeping in the guest room until Brad was healed . Her plan was to ask her mom to do the cleaning and cooking while Mary took care of her son . Hopefully Eleanor wouldn 't learn about the masturbation . Eleanor Tanner was shocked when she learned about her grandson 's injury . It had taken Mary three days to call her to tell her the news . And it was only because she needed help . She was more than happy to help Bradley because she loved him dearly and got along very well with him . Eleanor considered her grandson the only " normal " person in her daughter 's family and she was fairly sure she knew him better than his own mother . For years , she had wished to have him stay with her during school vacations but Mary would never agree . She was afraid of what her mother 's influence would make him a pervert just like Eleanor was to Mary . She didn 't know he didn 't need his grandmother 's influence to be a pervert . Being a teenage boy was enough for that . Eleanor rarely saw Christine or Brad because Mary practically never visited and only invited her mother for the holidays . But for the last two years , Brad and Eleanor became closer because he was calling her when he had questions he couldn 't ask to his mother . Since he knew his mother wouldn 't approve , he tried not to call his grandmother too often . He only called when he had girl issues or a question about sex . But thanks to that , Eleanor knew things about Brad that Mary would have never suspected . She just wished she could be as close with Christine to counter Mary 's influence on her . Eleanor considered herself a good Christian though . She lost her virginity at 16 , the night of her wedding . Sex was a pleasure for her , and her husband Bill was a good lover . During the first years of their marriage they had sex every day and often several times a day . The only times they didn 't have sex was when she couldn 't due to her pregnancies or periods . After five years of marriage and three babies they reduced their love making to five times a week , because taking care of a family was rather exhausting , and that number didn 't change until Bill passed away seven years ago . It even increased as their children grew up and left the house . After that , she had a two year relationship with a man her age that started four years after Bill passed away . Charles was a good man and Mary accepted his relationship with Eleanor after a few resentful months . However , she ended up leaving Charles for Rick , a man 10 years younger than Eleanor . Eleanor changed a lot during her time with Rick . She quit wearing pants and only wore short skirts or short dresses . Her cleavage became much wider and stockings were mandatory . She also wore five inch heels at least . Eleanor also became more comfortable with talking about sex in intimate detail . Eleanor and Mary didn 't get along well when Bill was still alive but they still saw each other regularly . However , since Eleanor started dating Rick , Mary didn 't make any effort to see her mother much . Even when Rick dumped Eleanor for a younger woman , Mary 's behavior didn 't change so she still tried to avoid her mother . Eleanor had always tried to change her daughter 's point of view about sex . When Bill was still alive she encouraged her to have sex with her husband on a regular basis . According to her , restraining one 's sexual urges could be dangerous . Mary believed it to be a lot of nonsense . But since Eleanor started dating Rick , her sex talk became even more detailed . Eleanor thought that seeing sex as fun would maybe change her daughter 's point of view on the matter . She had tried everything and failed , so why not try this method . Eleanor was now 55 and thanks to a lot of exercise she was still fit . The only things that gave her age away were her gray hair , her sagging huge breasts and a few wrinkles on her face . But a hazel brown dye hid her gray hair and a little cosmetic surgery made the wrinkles disappear and her breasts bigger and perkier . She didn 't go overboard with the surgery , so only the bigger wrinkles disappeared and she only gained a cup size for her breasts , aiming for them to become firmer . It happened during her fling with Rick and it was an attempt to keep him attracted to her . It was foolish but the results were great , so she had no regrets . When Eleanor arrived at her daughter 's house she was greeted warmly by Brad . He gave her a hug and asked her why she was there . When she told him she was there to help his mother take care of him he blushed and remained silent . Apart from his hands , he looked alright so she wondered why Mary needed help . Mary and Christine came to say hello . They were more reserved in their greeting than Brad . A light hug and a kiss on the cheek were all Eleanor received from them . It pained her not to be closer to her daughter and granddaughter . She had been as close to Mary as she had been with her other children when they were little , but since she entered puberty their relationship changed for the worse . Mary became introverted and lost her friends . She found solace in the Church and it only made things more awkward between them . Eleanor knew the reason for this change but even though she tried everything she came up with she couldn 't get through to her daughter . Eleanor was a beautiful woman and she experienced what her daughter was going through during puberty , just to a lesser degree than her daughter . Mary was not just beautiful , she also had a body men would qualify as made for sex . At 14 she was already a D - cup and grown men would hit on her very crudely at times . Every man she met stared at her with lust . Even her teachers couldn 't stop staring at her with their perverted eyes . Her girlfriends were jealous because even though they were interested in boys , all the boys only had eyes for Mary . Her mother kept telling her it was normal for boys to be obsessed by boobs and girls would always be jealous but she had to learn to deal with it . As long as no adult did anything inappropriate to her and no boy was forcing himself on her , she should enjoy the attention and learn how to use her charms to manipulate those males . She shouldn 't be afraid of her own sexuality . Unfortunately , Eleanor never realized how bad things really were for Mary . At 10 , her friends ' fathers , who were so nice with their daughters , looked at her like she was made of candy . It was very uncomfortable and she didn 't understand why she was treated differently . As she grew up and her breasts became bigger , high school boys would always be making crude comments about her tits and ass . They would ask her if they could play with her tits or at least to let them see them . She already wasn 't comfortable about dealing with boys her age so she was even more scared of the older boys and what they could do to her . She grew to be afraid of men and the thing that made nice fathers become perverts : sex . Her mother , who had said sex was a wonderful thing and didn 't fully condemn the behavior of the boys and men , became the example of how Mary wouldn 't behave . Instead of trying to resolve the issue with her friends she spent less and less time with them , so of course the rumors started . No one thought she spent that time alone in her room so they made up reasons for her not being with them . The rumors about her being a slut emerged and Mary 's solution for all that was to dress unflatteringly and pray to God . Christine was not as beautiful as Mary when she was a teenager and only experienced what a normal teenage girl was going through during puberty , but she had been brainwashed by Mary since she was a little girl . So , in the end , she was just like her mom , despite not having experienced what her mom did . She might dress prettier than her mother did but her attitude toward sex seemed the same . With Eleanor there Mary started to spend most of her time with Brad . Masturbating him five or six times a day quickly turned into ten times or more . It seemed to her that she could do it 10 times an hour and he wouldn 't run out of semen ! Eleanor took care of the groceries , the cleaning and the cooking , and rarely managed to see Brad or Mary . They spent most of their days in his room and when she asked them why they spent so much time up there they told her that Mary had to massage Brad a lot during the day to ease his pain . It smelled fishy to her and when she asked Christine , she , too , had no idea of what was happening up in Brad 's room . However she was spending most of her time out of the house , so it would be normal if she hadn 't noticed anything strange . Eleanor tried to go into his room when they were there but it was locked . That 's why she went on the Internet to learn how to jam a lock open . The next time Mary drove Brad to the doctor for a checkup she jammed his door lock so that it wouldn 't lock anymore . Meanwhile , Mary and Brad were at the hospital . It had been a week since he had gone home and the doctor wanted to see how he was healing . His hands looked much better so the doctor took the bandages off . Brad would still have to be careful because his skin was very fragile and could crack and bleed at any moment . Furthermore , he still couldn 't move his fingers much without pain . He received a prescription for a lotion . On the way home , Brad turned to his mom . Eleanor heard the car pull into the driveway while she was preparing lunch . She didn 't even have the time to wash her hands to greet them before she saw her daughter and grandson rushing up the stairs . She waited for five minutes before going upstairs . Once in front of his room she suddenly opened the door and what she witnessed seemed horrifying . Her daughter Mary was on her knees in front of Brad , with his dick in her hand . Mary was jerking off her son ! |
We live in West , in the realm of ice , Banneran and I , and the wolf - dog woman Orkoosh . I have no memory of being born , unlike them . I used to think I was their child but Banneran said , no , I had come to them from across one of the ice plains to the East . One of the old women had put me on a sled and sent me cascading across the plain wrapped in coats of pelts . He said the sled bounded and danced - Orkoosh saw it coming as she was out hunting and came running to him saying , look , a wonder ! There is a child in the sled Banne ! Orkoosh had said that it was because she remembers . I don 't understand it but that was all she said about it . Except that the East was a land basked in Sunshine , where we had only the Moon . Sunshine was a different kind of light , she said , which was much brighter than ours , but that , as we had the beautiful stars and the emerald light , we had nothing to complain about . I mentioned to you just now about not remembering being born . Apparently that 's a gift that the people of the West have , they remember being born just as the people of the East remember dying . I have lived a long time now in the snow of the West and I don 't remember being born and I don 't remember dying . This has led Orkoosh to wonder if I am from the East at all . What memories do you have ? She asks me all the time . I answer her , only of you and Banneran . Then she laughs as if it has all been a joke , and pats my head and will say , of course . She then motions to the sled I was brought on . Go and play , she says . In an instant she will turn from me and slink gracefully into her wolf - dog form and I will harness her to the sled and we will race about the snow plains under the purple - black sky covered with emerald lights - the lights that come from some other place , and know us , and watch over us as we play . Sometimes when we stop for breath I will ask Orkoosh to turn back into a woman and ask her questions . I ask her how long I have been with them , and she will say , don 't you remember ? You have been here for one hundred and eleven years . I will question her , how does she know this ? and she will say it 's because all shape - shifters know the passage of days . When you talk of the old woman , what do you mean ? I say to her , and she replies Old age is something that happens elsewhere , and I say to her , what happens elsewhere ? She will shake her head as if she thinks I 'm silly , and then off she goes again - ZIP ! - slinking back into a wolf and we fly across the ice back to the hut , and to Banneran who loves us . Then Orkoosh will change and they will always greet each other as if they been apart for a long time , and don 't quite know each other . He will ask her if she would like to sit down , for example , and then we will all eat . After dinner , Orkoosh and Banneran will seem to remember that they know each other , and will sit in the warmth of the hut and comb each other 's hair . This will take a long time because Orkoosh 's long , unruly locks will have gathered many tangles from the ice wind . Banneran will nod over to me and say , well , where is your comb young man ? Then I will put my hand in my pocket and there it is , the comb made of wood inlaid with mother - of - pearl . Orkoosh says that the old woman gave it to me . I begin to comb my hair too , because Orkoosh says fondly that the old woman would want me to look my best . It is tradition that Orkoosh tells him stories each time that we return . I don 't know where she gets them from , they are always fantastical . My stories are about little fish that I see , glinting in the ice pools , or bears in the distance , or the moon rising . Orkoosh , however , always has stories about princes and magicians and priestesses and treasure and great ships that roam the sky , flying along on the vapours left by the burning emerald lights . Banneran responds to Orkoosh 's stories . He says playfully , no no Koos , you have told that one before I think , even when she hasn 't . Or , akakaka , ( he clicks his tongue ) Koos I don 't like this story , the prince is too arrogant , the priestess would never grant him an entire kingdom for rescuing just one golden key . Be serious ! When I ask Banneran how long he has loved Orkoosh he smiles and says he doesn 't know . When I ask Orkoosh she laughs and says , almost forever , and that she knows this because she remembers being born . Then , after the stories are told , they say goodnight to me , and I creep through the pelt curtain on the East - hand side of the hut and am in my own den . Banneran has lit a fire in there for me with his magic , and from my bed I look up to the space in the roof where one brick is made of glass , because I asked Banneran to put it there . I asked him to make a glass brick , so that I could see out and watch the emerald lights fade , and the clouds race across the stars . The fire crackles with blue and lilac flames , Banneran 's magic will keep it burning while I sleep . Sometimes I wonder , as I look up through the glass brick to the sky , what we are , and why we live apart from others . I wonder how Orkoosh came to be a wolf - dog woman , or how Banneran came to have magic . Or who I am , and why I will never grow old , or remember being born , or remember dying . Orkoosh smiles at Banneran , rolling her eyes , when I ask her these questions , and says only Because we are in paradise . When I ask her what that means , Banneran answers . He says that sometimes the people in the East have dreams they don 't wake up from , and that we live in one of those dreams . That somewhere , a boy exactly like me grew up , lived his life , and then died , and in that final dream he imagined that he was a little boy again , and that his grandmother wrapped him in pelts and sent him across the ice on a sled to the West , where the people remember being born . When I say I don 't understand , Orkoosh answers , you said you only remember me and Banneran , is that true ? I nod . Then you are from the East after all . She says , and smiles . I crawl to my den and sleep , and when I wake , I wonder why it is that I never remember my dreams . " Oh a big crash or something , no one talks about it anymore but lots of people died . It was a really long time ago though . " Roberta said , growing disinterested in the conversation as we approached the train . " Get lost ! " I snatched it back , but it made me stumble and feel stupid . Mandy was older than me , so was Amelia . I didn 't want to go along with it but I was afraid to look like a coward . " Pathetic ! " I heard Mandy shout after me . I turned after I 'd crossed the street and saw Roberta standing a little way behind the other two , looking back at me . I felt bad then for leaving her , because she wasn 't as bad as the others . From where I was standing at the crossroads I could now see Roberta join Amelia and Mandy , her skeleton lantern bobbing along until it joined Amelia 's werewolf . They were trying to get into the carriage , I could hear their voices but not what they were saying . I was about to give up and head home then when I heard a noise . It was like a door creaking in the wind , and there was a rattling sound too , it was so strange that it made me stop where I was . A light appeared in the wreck , it lit up Amelia 's face and showed her shock . She raised her hand up to cover her eyes as Roberta grabbed for Mandy and pulled her away from the carriage . I heard steam hiss and a whistle blow and suddenly the carriage was moving ; the cab reared up in front like a dancing cobra , pulling the carriage back underneath it . Fallen , rusted metal rods leaped up from their place on the grass and reached out like grasping fingers , sweeping the girls off their feet with a roaring whooosh as their bodies disappeared into the darkness inside of the carriage . Their screams lasted only a second before cutting off dead . It watched me for a while , and I suppose it was thinking . I couldn 't do anything I was so afraid . In the corner of my eye I could see Roberta 's skeleton lantern fizzle out and die by the roadside . That changed things . It made me want to move as fast as I could to get away from there , and I 've never run so hard in my life . I ran so hard that I tripped and fell , skidding on the wet concrete and cutting my jeans open . I cried out in pain and looked back because I was convinced the train - thing was closing in on me . Someone once made the mistake of telling my Grandfather that , being the greatest shipwright the province over , he could build a boat out of anything . I remember him laughing at the man , grabbing his chest , his white beard quivering , but his eyes were starting to mist over . Something then , gripped him , and never let go . First it was a boat made of hair . He sent my sister and I throughout the town , and then the neighbouring town , and on and on down the roads to collect all the strands . I remember standing there in the sweltering heat , holding the bucket as the old women went round shaving heads , their deft old hands working so quickly as to become a blur before our eyes . Those with the strongest , darkest hair took our money , and we gathered up the hair newly fallen from now glistening heads . We took the buckets back to our Grandfather who hugged us in excitement when he saw how much we had collected . He would comment lovingly on the good quality of the hair , what a great job we had done . He would reward us with biscuits from an old tin adorned with a smiling lady holding a bursting cornucopia . Later , when we were afloat in that other boat , I would think of her , and wonder where she had gathered such wondrous fruit , and if we would ever see land again . The boat made of hair was not seaworthy . It pained us all to see my Grandfather abandon it , but everyone knew it was a fool 's errand . Suddenly where once we had a house full of laughter and industrious excitement , now even the walls radiated with silence . My Grandfather was thinking , he was grieving for his dream , surrounded by all the swathes of dark hair left here and there in every room that seemed to become entwined in everything . But he did not give up . Next there was the boat made of heavily salted butter , but you know how that turned out . I think pretty much everyone heard about that one . There was not enough salt in all the land to make that ship sail , and you know it 's funny because the sea is full of salt , but there it is . My Grandfather abandoned that too , and everyone we knew said ( by that stage ) that it was a good thing my Grandmother was not alive to see it . It would have cut her two , they said , to watch him turn his hand to all these follies . He was leaning out of the side of the house like that , clear out of the window into the sun . I can still see him now , and yes I think he really was half in and half out of life . Each day and each new design brought him a little further away from reality . But the boat made from paper was the greatest of all his successes . That 's what everyone said . Grandfather was so proud , he stood at the docks and beamed at it , and beamed at us and now when I remember what it was like to look upon that ship it fills me with wonder still . She had the tallest sails , ivory white , and her sides were tinged with blue . The cabin walls were smooth as glass and the bunks so soft to lie upon , I 'll never really know how he did it . We set sail one quiet autumn day and half the province came to wave us off . They all brought picnics and there was singing and dancing and fires burning all along the wharf as we drifted away like a feather on the wind . I remember having some misgivings . I was sorry to leave so many of my things behind but Grandfather said I would be able to buy new things , once we got to some new place . My sister grew dark as she heard him say this , her face became stuck , pained . She asked him how he knew where we would go and what we would do there and he just said that the boat would decide . He actually laughed at our concerns . I found her down below , in the belly of the ship . She was sobbing . My Grandfather was up on deck singing , oblivious . But when I came to my sister to see what was wrong , I found she was bent over a sheet of paper , she had a pen in her hand . It may as well have been a knife . A pen . On a magical boat made of paper . " What are you writing ? " I asked her . But she could not reply . I found some of her notes and began hoarding them in case Grandfather might see . I tried to read them but they made no sense to me at all . They were just strings of words , some weren 't even spelt correctly . Soon her bed was gone . She had ripped it up to write a book of nonsense verse in a language she had invented . My Grandfather , who slept on deck , was still none the wiser until she started attacking the very helm . She tore the great wheel apart in her madness for paper to write upon . When my Grandfather saw what had happened to her he fell down upon his knees and wept . Carelessly he tore a sheet from the deck to use as a tissue to blow his great nose in . He knew then that all magic comes at a price . He had been willing to pay any deficit for our sakes , he said , but no one had come asking , the magic had just taken the thing it wanted most , or what was most easily taken . My sister went raving mad when we took the pen away and so we had to lock her in the brig . Still she ripped at the sides of her cell and so we had to restrain her . Lying awake at night I could hear her screams and I even took the pen and hurled it into the ocean but it did no good . My Grandfather and I both beseeched the ship to leave my sister be , and to torment us instead , but to no avail . You cannot unchoose a choice made by magic . " Sink it . " He said to me one night in a storm . " Sink it and we 'll try and swim away . " The storm raged so loud that night we were almost grateful because it drowned out the cries of my poor mad sister . Every cloud has a silver lining they say . " To the bottom of the ocean with her . " Grandfather cried , and he downed the last of the whiskey , and crushed the soggy bottle with one hand . In his ship , even the bottles were made of paper . We had run out of food by that stage , and as my Grandfather said , we could not eat the paper . The next morning I woke to the sound of seagulls and a face full of sand . I turned my head to my right and saw my sister , lying on the beach , her hair extended in beautiful honey tendrils . For a moment I felt like I was only dreaming , and I wanted only to put my hand out to touch those soft strands , to feel them under my fingers , something safe and familiar and beautiful . But I knew in my heart I was awake . It was then I saw my Grandfather waving goodbye to us , I watched him sink below the waves and rubbed my eyes because it seemed impossible . How had we come to be there ? Could it really be my Grandfather sinking away into the water , leaving us ? The reality hit me like the waves , full in the face , stinging and blinding and relentless . I screamed and screamed but he came no nearer to us , in one moment he was gone , swallowed by a wave , his boat of dreams , obliterated in an instant . " Please help us , " I ran to them . " Our Grandfather will drown , he 's out there now in a boat made of paper . " That 's what I said to them . I pointed out to sea but someone said . I felt a last cry gather in my mouth and then stiffle . I saw my sister smiling and chatting to the people on the beach , I saw her take a shell out of her beautiful hair and act as if nothing had happened . I felt utterly at a loss , and so I put my hands in my pockets and it was then that I felt something crumple . It was a sheet of paper . I took it out and opened it up and saw the words my sister had written start to make sense at last . The words stopped . They had finally run aground . I shook my head and tried to say something to my sister , about the things she had written , and about our Grandfather , and about that emptiness in the centre of the page but she was already moving away . The sun was rising high above our heads , and above the people who led her away up into the trees . Someone was singing , the smell of food was drifting down the beach and catching me up in it . Charles Doughey died on 18th November . He left behind him a modest family but considerable wealth . After the death of his brother , Charles had taken into his care two young nieces Cassandra and Helen , and a nephew , a rather haughty man named Edward . Their mother , who was still relatively young and not without her charms , gladly accepted the offer of a generous roof over their heads and financial support , but of course there was idle gossip spread about due to her age , and her beauty . Many of the townsfolk pondered loudly over their cups as to exactly why Mr Doughey had moved the family into his home , and not relocated them comfortably elsewhere , as he was not without the means and wherewithal to do so . The sad and somewhat early death of Doughey put paid to numerous rumours quickly , and encouraged yet more salacious accusations to spring up in their place , as though heads of the dread Hydra . The entire estate and Doughey 's fortune were of course left to his closest relatives : the Widow Doughey and her children . Far from being delighted at this change of circumstance , the young wards were devastated at the loss of their beloved uncle , and none appeared to feel this loss as keenly as the youngest , Helen . A pale girl of sixteen , Helen had never possessed the sociable nature of her brother and sister ( nor her mother ) and instead could often be found in her uncle 's library amongst the books , sat beside a roaring fire . She was not , however , without graces , and her smiles and gentle conversation delighted anyone who shared her company . These pleasant traits were not to be enjoyed by her loved ones for much longer however , for just as her uncle grew sick , so a sickness stole upon the girl , and made her increasingly wan and solitary . " I do not know why she sulks as she does , the doctor says there is nothing at all the matter with her but melancholy . " Edward would complain on the many occasions when Helen would not come down to dinner , but would dine in her room alone , feigning sickness . Tucking in his napkin he would go on , voicing his distaste regarding her new choice of reading material to his mother and sister who nodded politely at intervals . There was also much speculation at the house when Helen was discovered weak and delirious outside her bedroom several nights before the death of her uncle . She had been found by a maid servant , her small frame draped half - over the stair rod , her eyes glazed , her night dress torn , faint bloody scratches raked across her breast . At first a male servant was suspected of felonious assault . His disappearance coincided with the night in question , and he had been spotted in Helen 's company on several occasions within the house by some of the maids . However , after Helen had been revived and questioned , she was insistent that she had no memory of the man approaching her , but that a vile nightmare had awoken her , and that the scratches must have been the result of her own tormented hands . He was buried not long after in the family crypt , and those assembled commented how fortunate it was that Doughey could afford such a resting place . Foul weather had besieged the town and turned the cold earth of the church yard into a quagmire . Fierce winds lashed at newly dug graves , desecrating funeral wreaths and battering the walls of the church was a hellish fury . It also happened that the funeral coincided with a dreadful week of unfortunate events . On the Sunday previous , a faithful servant was revealed to have vanished without a trace , all her belongings still under her bed below stairs . Then there were continued nightmares for Helen , each one leaving her more deranged than the last , weak and delusional she would wander the house until she was discovered and brought back to bed . Finally , one of the younger maids was found dead in the kitchen garden , her throat slit from ear to ear . The rain had washed away every trace of blood ( of which there must have been considerable amount ) along with any possible evidence of a crime , and as the knife had been found still clutched in her hand , the doctor concluded suicide . These tragedies were almost more than the household could bear , and resulted in many servants abandoning their posts altogether , believing the house to be cursed by the spirit of Charles Doughey , angry at a death before his time . The only member of the household who could be relied upon with any certainty was Cassandra . It was she who comforted the ladies and quietly saw to the smooth running of daily chores in the absence of several hands . Edward was particularly occupied with matters pertaining to his profession , and thus , found a great many excuses to be absent . Still , Cassandra bore all of the misery upon her proud shoulders and was a rock to her poor deranged sister and mother , just as her own father had once been , before his own mysterious demise . If the family had hoped their troubles were ended once the funeral had passed , they were sadly mistaken . Helen began to see a spectral presence in her room at nights . The phantom , she claimed , was no longer a figure in her nightmares but a slim , ethereal entity she saw whilst wide awake . Her mother , too , began to be disturbed by strange noises , eerie sounds , and footsteps rattling past her door as she lay a - bed , trembling . On one particularly dark night , when the moon was too thin to cast even the faintest shadow , a servant on his way to bed had his candle knocked from his hand as if by some terrible unknown force . When the man cried out , another came to his aid with a new light , and perceived ahead of them Charles Doughey 's portrait lying face - down upon the ground . A week later , Helen was dead . She joined her uncle in the dark bosom of the crypt , and the entire town was awash with stories of curses and ungodly goings - on . " It is he ! " Cried the Widow Doughey to Cassandra . " It is your uncle , he walks from the grave to torment us all ! The man must surely have been cursed in life . If only I had known he would bring us so low ! And where is your brother when we have most need of him ? " " Mother , calm yourself ! I cannot believe that our dear uncle would ever wish so much misery upon us , even were he cursed as you claim . I do not believe in curses , give me the key to the crypt and I shall prove that he sleeps unmolested in his grave and that will be an end of it ! " But her mother would not consent to such a macabre undertaking , and refused access to the crypt . " We will wait until your brother comes back from Italy , " she told the girl . But Cassandra , refusing to heed her mother , worked her wiles upon their most trusted servant , who consented to reveal to her the hiding place of the crypt key . Stealing out of the house as soon as midnight struck and the servants were all a - bed , Cassandra took the key and a set of tools stolen from the house carpenter , and headed off down the path towards the church across the fields behind the great house . Clods of mud clung to her feet and the hem of her gown , but she pressed on unheeding , as if a terrible hunger were upon her . Even though she had no light to guide her , she knew her way perfectly well in the darkness . Owls hooted overhead , and night creatures snuffled and rustled in the woods about her , but Cassandra kept her resolve and only paused for a moment to rest when she saw the graveyard appear before her . With cold , trembling hands , Cassandra slipped the iron key into the lock and the old crypt door leaned to with aching sound . Inside darkness swallowed up every object , and so Cassandra was forced to light a candle to grope her way down the stone aisle . As she passed her candle illuminated the alcoves where the coffins were kept , some still rested solemn and intact , but others had long since decayed , their wood splintered and sagging , their contents disgorged and sampled by vermin . These sights , and the putrid air of the crypt made Cassandra feel faint and nauseous , but she was ravaged by a desire to push on further into the crypt in spite of these ghastly scenes . The crypt was terribly cold ; with only a shawl about her shoulders the young girl searched each alcove for the name she sought . At last she came to rest at the end of the hall of the dead , where two newly erected plinths stood straight ahead . To their left was an older coffin , one which bore her father 's name , and which she alone new to be empty . Thus this she dismissed without thought and instead rushed to the coffin bearing her sister , her corpse only days old . Almost feverish , she attacked the wood with her tools , wielding them with an almost unnatural force , until the lid was off , and slid to the floor with a crack . Helen 's beautiful face was now a mask of death . Even paler than she had been in life , and joyless , her body was as cold as ice . Gasping madly , her chest heaving , Cassandra lifted her sister up , and partially out of the wooden box . She whispered words into her ear and caressed her long blonde hair , pushing it back from the nape of her neck to show the place where two pin - pick wounds stared out of the alabaster skin like the eyes of a demon . The two young women set upon the second casket and to reviving the old man . Decay had barely marred him , and he seemed alert and eager when roused . The party of three then processed through the crypt and out into the night . The town and its sleeping inhabitants lay ahead of them , innocent and unawares - soon the vampires would be at their hideous repast … Notes . This post was inspired by a few too many nineteenth century Gothic tales late at night - the last line is an homage to the wonderful Varney the Vampire . Posted in Gothic , short fiction | Tagged creative writing , dark , Fantasy , ghosts , horror , macabre , monsters . , penny blood , short story , supernatural , weather 11 : Where the Moon Waits . Aching from sitting down too long , I reached over and opened a window to let the cool evening in . I wanted the air to wash over me and clear all my thoughts away . I closed my eyes and drifted . I stepped through the window and into the air . Breezes caught under my arms , and like a sea - bird I drifted for a while on the current . Traffic sounds buzzed up from beneath me like flies but I let them sail past . I wanted to travel down towards the sea front where the waves were , and where crashing water would wash the sentences away . I didn 't want to see words on a page , or on a screen anymore . I didn 't want them to suffocate me , so I flew south down towards the coast . I passed little streets were the cars were just lights twinkling . I saw rubbish rustling past and hurrying away , born on the wind like I was . Filled with air , plastic bags take on new forms , like sails . They gain a life of their own , free from their burdens and set off on amazing journeys we can only guess at , only to fall somewhere , redundant , when the wind dies . I opened my eyes as soon as I smelt the salt . There was the sea , stretching out below me , vast and shaking . White crests foamed and crashed , and seagulls dashed in and out , hoping for snacks , calling to one another . I longed then to speak to them , and for some company on my travels , but there was no one else . Up here , when I chose to fly , I would always be alone , and invisible . Night seemed to come on suddenly as I skimmed the coast line . The moon reared up out of obscurity and loomed over the crumbling white pier like a ghost . I looked at it full in the face and it looked back . I often find that looking at the moon gives me a strange sort of strength , a power , a new vigour . Perhaps it calls to the magical part of me , the old part . It stirs it up and pulls it out and it does feel like a struggle , to succumb to the moon . But afterwards I feel renewed , my skin tingles , and so I never get tired of looking at it , that silver orb . The sun burns your eyes but the moon warms your soul up , like boiling water on a stove . I heard voices down on the promenade . There were people sitting on the benches , sitting on the ground , standing around . The sounds they made were raw and they joked with one another but there was a pain in it . I heard the empty bottles hitting the ground , smashing , so I drifted on . There is nothing sadder in this world than the sound of futile enjoyment , than the sound of enjoyment without joy in it . They threw their cigarettes into the wind but I was long past them . It had grown cold up were I was and I thought to turn around , but there is always that tug that I feel that says " not yet " so I carry on . I carry on even when all my limbs are numb with cold and the light is dying all around me . I close my eyes again as I fly and listen , listen , listen to the waves breaking , and the sea talking . A thousand grains of sand shift on the earth with every breath the sea takes and if you listen closely you can hear them all falling , one by one into place . I opened my eyes again and with some effort turned around , and away from the sea , and the moon was at my back . The little lights below were blinking as people driving home stopped at traffic lights to let pedestrians cross and cyclists zig - zagged past across roads and pavements and homewards . They think they are flying too , but they are still tied to the earth . I watch them skipping through the streets and I wonder what they think about , under their plastic helmets , pink , blue , grey . They always seem to be in such a hurry to get nowhere . I can see my street approaching and feel a loss . There is a comfort in knowing that one is returning to a place of warmth and comfort from the cold harsh air . But there is a sadness , a grief in relinquishing the power of flight . The power the moon gives , the solace . Once I slip back inside I am tied again to the everyday things , to the worries , and the realities and the binding stress of living . I 've often thought about staying up there , about flying and flying until I am numb all over , until my body disappears and it is my thoughts that carry me on . But reality brings me back , humanity is like a chain you can 't break . A man can 't be a bird . And yet … I close the window and find myself inside again . I sigh and step into the kitchen , filling the kettle up , yawning , reaching for the milk and blinded by the light from the refrigerator door . But still I can feel a tingle down my spine . Posted on September 13 , 2013 by Tales of Fiction Another of my short stories written for a weekly fiction competition . The photo below , was our only writing prompt . To read the other entries check out Flash ! Friday . Want to know more about this story ? Check out my post on Fifty Tales of Fiction . He hadn 't thought much about it . The only thing interesting about that old computer was the screensaver . He would sit and wait for it to flick on . He always had a system ; he would look at the ground first , then follow it up to where the grass met the foundations of the houses . Then he would allow himself to see the figures . In his head they had names , one was simply ' the woman , ' but the other shape reminded him of a carving on a totem pole , so he called it ' the Thunderbird . ' It was this figure who intrigued him the most . Once Milo saw the Thunderbird , he would have to look up , and see the storm coming . Since moving away , Milo had made no friends . His father could not visit them anymore because of the restraining order , but sometimes the Spanish kid would come around . Milo would find him sitting on his little bicycle in their front yard . They stopped looking for Milo 's body on the seventh day of the search . They said he was probably just another run away . The computer stayed on all that week , until finally Milo 's mother had pulled the plug straight out of the wall . |
Introduction : The title says it all The scenery in the windshield went by at an alarming rate , as I passed cars like they were standing still . One of the few pleasures I had left was driving my silver 08 Mustang GT at just slightly past the legal 70 mph speed limit . Just slightly meaning under 110 . I heard a chirping sound that I knew wasn 't the car . I knew every single throb and ping that the Mustang 's engine , tires and suspension made . I also knew every crease in the " Whore Red " interior 's leather . I looked over into the cup holder to my right and saw the screen of my iPhone light up . I also saw the smiling face of my just recently minted ex wife . Just recently minted meaning we had our day in court only 3 days ago . And ex meaning if the bitch was on fire , I wouldn 't piss on her . But in that wonderfully naive way that only children and extremely beautiful women could manage , here she was calling me , as if it was the most normal thing in the world . I breathed a sigh of relief as the phone stopped chirping after a few moments . I started cussing inside as it started up again after only seconds . I slowed down to a more manageable 80 mph and answered the phone in the most cheerful voice I could muster . " What the fuck do you want , you skanky whore ? You already have half of my money and my house . " Okay so maybe I wasn 't very polite , but I really was trying . " Well , I 'm in the emergency room , Craig beat me up . And I need someone to come and get me and a place to stay until he calms down . " she said . " So why are you calling me Carla ? You clearly preferred Craig 's presence , Craig 's personality and Craig 's dick to mine . So your right to call me and tell me about your fucking problems ended 3 days ago . " " I keep telling you the same thing over and over again Michael James Dansen . Craig was only sex , it had been almost 10 years since I 'd been with anyone beside you , and I was just curious . The first time with him wasn 't good at all , but I thought that maybe it was just because he was nervous or something . My body does that to boys you know . You remember how quickly you came the first time that you and I did it ? " " Whatever , " she snapped . " Anyway he convinced me to give him one more chance at my pussy , and you caught us and threw me out . You never even gave me a chance to explain anything . Just threw me out of the house that I picked , and I decorated , and I made into a home for us like I was yesterday 's garbage . " " Yeah Carla , you did everything in that house except pay for it . You sat there every day on your perfect ass , while I worked myself silly trying to provide for both of us and keep you happy . And as soon as your cut throat lawyer got that injunction allowing you to stay in the house because you were basically homeless , you moved Craig into my house . If it was only sex why did you need to move him into my fucking house ? " " Because I 've never been alone in my entire life , " she cried . " I moved from my parent 's house into our house . I don 't know how to be alone and you left me . And all Craig does is sit there and leave his mess all over the house . He messes it up faster than I can keep it clean . And his nasty friends keep coming over and they won 't leave . And there 's no food left in the house , so I was going to call and ask you if you could possibly send next month 's alimony payment earlier . " " Fuck No ! " I snapped . " I could but why would I want to do it ? You already got a lump sum payment for half the balance of my savings account . I sent it to you before we even went to court since the terms had already been agreed on . There 's simply no way you went through $ 65 , 000 in 10 days . It 's just not possible . " " Craig bought a very expensive motorcycle , " she sniffled . " He also got it customized with several one of a kind parts . I thought it might be good for us and we could take it out on little road trips . It probably wouldn 't have been as fun as when you and I went out in the Mustang but I was hoping that since you no longer wanted me , that maybe Craig would start treating me better . " " In other words since you couldn 't get your husband back , you wanted to make your boy toy into husband material . That didn 't work though did it ? Carla sell the fucking bike . Call the police and have Craig and his friends evicted , and find yourself some nice sucker that you can control , " I said . " Well I can 't sell the bike , because he wrecked it . And the rest of my money went to pay for part of the damages he caused in the crash . I still owe about $ 8000 . The police won 't come , because the neighbors have called them so many times already that I don 't think they 'll listen to me . Basically I 'm just begging you to come back . You 're the only man I love . I keep telling you Craig was only a diversion , just an experiment that went terribly bad . None of our friends want to have anything to do with me . They treat me like I 'm some stupid whore with the plague . Even my parents look at me like I 'm stupid for letting you go . I just want for us . . . , " " Carla , I think I 'm getting out of range , I 'm going through a tunnel , you 're breaking up , " I said as I laughed and ended the call . For the first time in weeks I felt really good . A lot of my tension seemed to vanish as I laughed . After 5 more minutes of laughing so hard I could barely steer the car , I left the freeway and slowed down to a nearly pedestrian 30 mph for the drive through the streets . My Mustang tended to get a lot of attention from the cops and my insurance premiums were high enough . My premiums went up when I got the supercharger even though I hadn 't reported it to the insurance company . I think they have psychics working for them . One smart cop had also busted me when he looked under the car and discovered my illegal off road X - pipe . Leave it to me to find the one cop in Michigan who was also a hot rod fan . There was also the fact that certain cars like my Mustang and the Camaro actually looked like they were moving when they were standing still . It was a problem the Chrysler Muscle cars didn 't have . The Charger and the Challenger were severely horse power challenged , and so heavy and boat like , that they simply weren 't competitive . MOPAR did after all stand for Mostly Old People And Rednecks . I went into a large office building and stopped at the information desk . The building was huge and I didn 't want to get lost . The first meeting I had with Stephen Atherton had been in my condo . The guard at the desk pointed me to a bank of elevators in the rear of the building , and I made my way towards them . I stepped into a waiting elevator car and pushed the button for the 7th floor . Just as the doors started to close I heard a voice asking me to hold the elevator . The elevators doors stopped closing as I thrust my arm between them . What happened next was one of those moments that you have to be there to truly appreciate . The first thing I saw was a tiny foot in an open toed shoe . The nails on that foot were painted that same shade of red as my Mustang 's Interior . If that wasn 't a sign I don 't know what was . Just seeing that foot , got a rise out of me , though I don 't remember ever having a foot fetish . I was already imagining myself massaging that foot and possibly kissing it , when it was followed by the most beautiful leg I 'd ever seen . It wasn 't thin and angular like my ex wife 's legs it was shapely and rounded with a good sized calf . That leg was followed up by an even sexier thigh that was unfortunately cut off by a skirt that ended about 2 inches above her knees . At that moment my concept of heaven had a lot to do with being squeezed between those thighs . Well rounded hips led to a slightly rounded tummy which itself supported two massive breasts . She was wearing a short suit coat that matched the skirt to form some kind of women 's version of a business suit , but I could only imagine the kind of business she 'd conduct in that suit . Long , foamy Black hair with just a touch of a wave to it , turned under at the ends , framed a face that while not classically beautiful , was awe inspiring . Her complexion while tan showed a smattering of freckles around her nose . I instantly wanted to kiss those full red lips and probably never stop . Her eyes were a deep shade of brown and I was imagining myself getting lost in them until I realized that she was calmly watching me stare at her . She didn 't appear to be put out by my attention at all . In fact she looked at me with a bemused expression on her face . " So did I pass ? " she asked . " Uhm … Uh … what ? " I managed to sputter out . My shock at being caught only seemed to amuse her more . My face had to have gotten at least a couple of shades redder , which only made her smile deeper . " For a fat girl , you mean , " she interjected . " No , I meant period , " I said seriously . " No asterisk needed . And you 're not fat . At least , I don 't think you are . " At that point I was becoming even more embarrassed . I think she sensed it , because she let me off the hook . " Well it 's nice to be admired , " she said smiling , and then turned towards the front as the elevator got to my floor . She got off there too , but thankfully she went in the opposite direction from the one I took . I couldn 't help it . Even though I 'd already been caught staring at her once , I turned and watched her walk away . I found that her ass was just as incredible as her breasts . As I watched her walk away all of my blood quickly switched from one head to the other . Unfortunately she turned back when I wasn 't expecting it and caught me looking again . I just waved goodbye to her and headed for Atherton 's office . I went in and Atherton 's secretary pointed towards a chair . She was a slim older woman whose facial expression gave me the impression that being a secretary was just a sideline for her . From the look on her face I was sure that she made her living as a professional lemon sucker . She spoke into a phone on her desk and then looked at me . She made an extreme effort and the outside corners of her mouth lifted a fraction of an inch for a millisecond , it was obviously an attempt at smiling . She wasn 't very good at that smiling thing though , and it just made her seem even more creepy . Then her mouth opened and in a voice like fingernails on a chalk board told me that Mr . Atherton would see me now . Atherton on the other hand was friendly , animated and outgoing . He got up as I came into the room and shook my hand vigorously as if he expected me to rescue him from his secretary , or take her with me when I left . " Mike Dansen , " he said to me , as if I either didn 't know my own name , or he needed to recite it to jog his own memory . " Do you want anything to drink ? How about some coffee ? " he offered . I told him I was fine and just wanted to find out what information he had for me . " Well like you thought , it is a very valuable piece . I believe that we can make a great deal of money from it at a Firearms Fair or a Gun / Knife show . But there might be a way for us to make even more money , if you 're willing to look at other opportunities , " he looked at me as he said this . I got the impression that he was trying to read me , and would tailor his pitch to what he thought I wanted to hear . I didn 't know if he was trying to come up with the best possible plan for my interests or his own , but either way I wanted to hear both versions and make my own choice of action . " Mr . Atherton , your second client has arrived , " shrieked the secretary through a speaker on Atherton 's desk . I wondered how he could stand that woman . Working with her would drive me crazy . The office door opened and Atherton again rose to meet the new entry . I was sure that the look on my face and the sound of my jaw dropping to the floor was noticeable . The woman from the elevator walked into the room and sat down in the chair next to me . She looked over at me with that same mirthful expression , before turning her eyes towards Atherton and shaking his hand . " We 've met , briefly , " I said extending my hand . She took my hand and shook it gently , leaving me to marvel at the softness of her skin , and the warmth of her body as she looked into my eyes . I found myself wondering if the rest of her body was as warm , because if it was I 'd never be able to let her out of bed . Suddenly , I realized that she was talking to me . " Okay , let 's get to it then shall we , " said Atherton . " Mr . Dansen , the piece that you 'd like me to liquidate for you has drawn a lot of interest from many different quarters . You Have many different possibilities of what you could do with it . Ms . Chavaria represents one such interest , and has a healthy stake in it herself . She has decided to withhold her preference until you 've heard the other offers . " " One of the guns you found in your attic has been authenticated , and did as you 've claimed belong to your great , great grandfather Samuel Dansen , he was the one time sheriff of a small town in Texas . That was the 1874 SCHOFIELD . 44 CALIBER REVOLVER with the ivory grip . It would normally bring perhaps 40 to 50 thousand dollars on the open market . " My heart sank , it was good money especially since I wasn 't into guns and it would nearly recoup the amount I 'd lost to Carla , but not quite . Also the fact that only one of the guns was valuable hurt a bit . I 'd believed that one of the guns was Great Great Grand Dad 's working pistol and the other was his special occasion gun . " The other is actually more valuable because it belonged to your Great Great Grand uncle Jack Dansen . Smiling Jack was an Outlaw who eventually became sheriff of the same small town . That is the matching 1874 SCHOFIELD . 44 CALIBER REVOLVER with the polished ebony grips . Together though the guns are nearly twice as valuable . because of the odd circumstances of the brothers lives . And the rarity of their situation . If we sold them to a private collector , we might get as much as 200 thousand dollars . I feel strongly that our best advantage though would take a bit longer . We could wait until the militaria and firearms auction next month and put the pieces up for auction . That does carry a considerable risk but on the other hand , in a full out bidding war you could walk away a very wealthy man . " Again his eyes followed me and I wondered whether he worried more about me getting rich or himself . His cut would be substantial either way . " And that is one of the ways that Ms . Chavaria can help us because you see she , like the fourth partner in our little syndicate is sort of related to you . " He shook his head at the shocked looks on both of our faces . " If you go back far enough in time I suppose everyone on the planet is vaguely related to someone else , " he added . " We have just enough time before our dinner meeting to begin this story , we 'll probably have to finish this up next time . " He went to a cabinet and extracted three old books . Though the leather on them was faded and cracked , they seemed to be in very good condition . " Samuel Dansen 's Journal excerpt . May 4 , 1875 . I arrived in Navarro Texas this morning , tired and hungry from the long ride . It seems to be a pretty good town , but I 'm not too sure I 'll stay here for long . It doesn 't seem to be the kind of place I can settle down and make a life for myself . The misunderstanding this morning in the town square only served to prove to me that I have more to run away from than just Arabella 's refusal to marry me . Jack 's reputation has extended this far into Texas and several of the townspeople thought that I was him and were immediately fearful of me . The Sheriff in the town came right up to me and tried to arrest me . I had to show him the letter I got from the US Marshall 's office , and signed by the local Judge explaining that Jack and I were twins , and that I had never robbed anything or stolen anything . I don 't think he really believed me but he recognized the Judge 's signature and decided to take it at face value . That was , provided I didn 't make a fool out of myself or cause any ruckus in his town while I 'm here . He emphasized " While I 'm here . " The countryside around the town seems pretty enough , and there don 't seem to be any problems . This might be a nice place to settle down if Jack hadn 't gotten to the region before I did . The biggest problem for me is that I 'm running low on cash and there don 't seem to be very many jobs around , unless you fancy working in the Whorehouse or the Saloon . I wouldn 't want to do either . None of the bigger ranches in the area are hiring right now so I 'll probably be moving on tomorrow . Samuel Dansen 's Journal May 6 , I might be staying here for awhile after all . Yesterday I was coming out of the boarding house I 've been staying at when I saw the sheriff talking to a bunch of shady looking hombres . I started walking in that direction in time to see one of them try to circle around behind the sheriff . The one in front of the sheriff started mouthing off and went for his gun . The sheriff plugged him in the shoulder , but the one behind him was going to shoot the sheriff in the back . I had no choice so I pulled my piece and shot him first . It was a good clean shot and a difficult one from that distance . I managed to just shoot the galoot in his hand . He 'll live , but he 's never going to be able to use that hand for too much anymore . I truly regret maiming the man , but I didn 't have a choice . It was either that or let him shoot the sheriff in the back and in cold blood . I guess that 's the biggest difference between me and Jack . Jack just does whatever it takes to get what he wants no matter who it hurts . I 'm just not strong enough or focused enough to hurt someone just to make myself happy . Anyway I expected to get thrown in jail or at least run out of town , seeing as how it is unlawful to discharge a firearm inside of the town limits , but the people in the town seemed to think I 'd done a good thing and the Sheriff agreed with them . I offered to surrender my pistol until I left town , but he told me that if I hadn 't been wearing my piece when it happened , that he 'd probably be dead . And he asked me if I 'd be interested in helping him out as his deputy . When I agreed , he gave me a shiny new badge and a big thick law book . The money 's not great but it 'll keep me here , and also let me save a little until I can afford a spread of my own . Samuel Dansen 's Journal June 6 , haven 't written much because up until now it 's been pretty boring around here . I do the same thing every day it seems . I move drunks from the Saloon to the jail where they can sleep it off . Then get them to pay their fines the next morning and let them go . Sometimes it seems like the same guys get drunk every night , and their fines are more like rent so they can have a roof over their heads while they sleep . Lord knows the fine is cheaper than either the boarding house or the hotel , so I might have to take up drinking myself . Something interesting is going on though I don 't know how serious I should take it . One of the women working at the boarding house seems to have taken a liking to me . She 's a really pretty Mexican woman with long dark beautiful hair and pretty brown eyes . I might like her too , except for the fact that I 'm really not sure how I feel about women after all of that shit I went through with Arabella . One thing is for sure though , I haven 't thought about Arabella in weeks so maybe I am getting over her . Samuel Dansen 's Journal June 16 . Everything changed today . My life is going in a completely different direction than I 'd envisioned . One of the duties the Sheriff assigned to me was the task of meeting new arrivals from other places . When the stage comes in I meet them and help them figure out where to go , to get settled in . One of the new arrivals today was a Miss Constance Farmwell . She 's going to be the new school teacher at the church school . She 's 22 years old , and has blond hair and blue eyes . She 's very slim and tall for a woman and must be the prettiest thing I 've ever seen . She 's the kind of woman I 'd marry . The problem is she looks just like Arabella . She might be a bit taller , and a bit smaller up on top , but other than that they could be twins . Maybe all women with those characteristics look alike . Unfortunately , though I spent a great deal of time carrying and fetching for her , far beyond what I do for most new arrivals , even the women ; She didn 't seem to notice me at all . She kept forgetting my name , and accidentally bumping into me . Perhaps romance might not be in my future after all . Constance Farmwell 's diary . 16 June 1875 . I arrived in Navarro Texas early this morning to start my new life . Leaving the east was the best thing for me , since my family 's reputation had been utterly destroyed by my father and brother 's penchant for episodes of public drunkenness and gambling . After Dad lost the family home in a card game I had no other choice but to seek my life elsewhere . The kindly priest in our neighborhood parish knew of a priest here in town . The priest here , Father Thompson seems to be starting a school , as this tiny little town labors and stretches towards becoming a legitimate city . As my prospects back east were severely limited , this may be a great fit for me . I or we , the passengers on the stagecoach were met at the station by the most extraordinary man , I 've ever seen . He 's the Sheriff 's deputy and his name is Sam Dansen . The first time he looked at me my heart started Dansen , or dancing really . He is a tall slim good looking man , with eyes the color of steel , and a truly helpful disposition . I did everything I could to keep him around me today long after he was done helping the other passengers . I even pretended to be a little addled just to keep him around me . I wish sometimes that I was a man so I could be more direct , and stop playing these ridiculous games , but that 's what society expects of the modern 19th century woman . As he guided me around town I did notice that a dark haired floozy who works in the boarding house didn 't take too kindly to me spending time with him . I 'll pray for her though , because he isn 't married to her and he may soon be to me if I have anything to say about it . I wonder what kind of house we 'll build and where . Exactly how much money does a Deputy make ? 18 June . I finally moved into a room at the church today . I couldn 't stay in that boarding house another second . Everything there seemed to be working against me . From the very first day I had problems with the staff there . Especially that little Mexican woman . When I first got to my room I needed a bath to soothe my back and aching muscles from that awful stagecoach ride . I swear it felt like my entire undercarriage and all of my feminine parts would be shaken loose from all of the bumping and jarring . After the women had brought the tub to my room and filled it with hot water , complaining and whining the whole time mind you , I started to disrobe . Once I stepped into the tub I noticed that for some reason they had filled the tub not with warm water as I 'd requested but with nearly ice cold water with suds over it . The water was also somehow not fresh . It smelled as if fish had been cleaned in it . I was so tired that I didn 't realize how cold the water was until I 'd sat down in it , only to practically leap out of it as my hind quarters and nether regions nearly froze on contact . Unfortunately just as I stood up , my door blew open mysteriously . It was extremely poor timing that a group of gamblers were just passing my room as I stood up stark naked with my door open . They whooped and hollered and ogled me until I covered myself and closed the door . I had to scream downstairs for a basin of fresh water to wash the fish stink off of me . And naturally it took hours for them to bring the fresh water . For the past 2 days everything in that boarding house just went wrong for me . My accommodations here at the church are much more comfortable , and my luck seems to be improving . 19 June . The town faced a terrible tragedy today . The town doesn 't really have a real bank yet , so until now all of the money that people want to save was kept in small deposit boxes under their names in the saloon . Construction on a bank and post office , that will also be the telegraph office was started last week . I guess some of the outlaws around here wanted to steal the money before it gets put into a safe . They robbed the saloon . Someone got to the Sheriff and he went over there . There were five armed men against the Sheriff and his Deputy . None of the Outlaws survived . The bad news for the town though , was that the Sheriff was killed by one of the gunmen . From what I understand he was the longest lived Sheriff that anyone can remember . He held the job for just under 10 months . There was a unanimous election less than 10 minutes after the fight ended . Sam was elected the next Sheriff . His first official duty was to bury the old sheriff . I 'm afraid for him . As soon as I can get him to realize that he 's meant for me , I have to get him to pick a different line of work . He 's always reading that Law book and the town could really use a lawyer . Let some other fool be the Sheriff . Another thing is that after the fight was over , my rival for Sam 's affection ran her large hindquarters over to my man and pressed her voluminous bosom all over him . I might be forced to take a more aggressive stance in my pursuit of Sam Dansen . The danger of his current profession and the increasingly obvious attack by the competition , plus the fact that Sam is now the town 's Sheriff , would seem to necessitate it . Add that to the fact that everyone looks up to the Sheriff as a man of authority rivaled only by the priest , in a town with no Mayor , and one can begin to see my dilemma . Every unattached woman in town , some of the married ones and even the whores in the bordello are after my man . Samuel Dansen 's Journal April 4 1876 . I guess considering all of the changes in my life over the past 8 or 9 months I really should have written more . But since I became the Sheriff things have been moving so fast I hardly have time to breathe let alone write . I have 3 Deputies now . All of whom are relatives of Maria Chavaria , that pretty little Mexican woman who used to work at the boarding house , and now takes care of the Sheriff 's office and jail . No one wanted the job as deputy after the last Sheriff was killed last year , but she somehow managed to convince her cousins that it was a great opportunity . At first the townspeople weren 't that set on it either , racial relations being what they are at this point in time , but since they value their safety , and none of them was up to the job , they grudgingly went along with it . Only a few more weeks left until my wedding . Strange to think that only a year after the debacle with Arabella , I 'm again engaged to be married . Stranger still that I have absolutely no idea how it came about . I know things move quickly nowadays but damn . I love Constance far more than I did Arabella anyway . May 15 . I thought that my wedding to Constance would be the happiest day of my life . My parents would be proud that at least one of their sons was making something of himself . The town gifted me with a house and a hundred acres of land . Actually the land is pretty good and the former owner died and no one else had laid claim to it . So , I could have taken it anyway , but they decided to give it to me . Not that I see much of it anyway since I have to stay near town most of the time , but Constance can live there and I 'll get a few ranch hands in a few months and start trying to raise a few cattle . Then in a few years I 'll retire and run the ranch full time . Anyway my wedding day pleasure was far over shadowed by the bedding night . Constance came to bed with me a virgin , but she didn 't shed many tears and by morning I was worn out and she 'd tried every move in my repertoire of bedroom shenanigans , including a few I 'd learned from the whores . Being married to her is never going to be boring , especially not at night . I did receive a letter from Arabella saying she 'd changed her mind and wanted me to come back as soon as possible or send for her so she could join me . News of my success had obviously convinced her parents and her , to overlook the fact that my twin brother is a notorious horse - thief and bank robber . Apparently the news of my wedding hadn 't reached her yet , and I can 't say I didn 't smile a bit as I drafted a rather mean spirited reply telling her that her ship had sailed and I was already married . Good riddance to bad rubbish . She broke my heart so she deserved to have me take a chink out of her pride . July 8 . I 'm going to be a father . The words still sound strange even to me . I keep thinking I 'm going to wake up and find out that it 's all been a mistake , but every day Constance gets a little bit bigger and I love her a little bit more . August 12 . I 'm extremely glad to be writing this after the events of the last few days . Word had spread throughout the territory that a large gang of outlaws was in the area creating havoc . Until I knew better I ordered everyone in the area to sleep in town at night . And I organized scouting parties to patrol the area and keep a lookout . I needed to know how many men they had and what their intentions were . It would take too long to send for the Texas Rangers if we didn 't know when the galoots were coming . Unfortunately they showed up long before we were ready for them . Six of the bastards just rode into town as big as you please and headed straight for the bank . They went in and took all of the money . When I ran into them they were riding through the streets of town . They weren 't even trying to escape just galloping through town without a care in the God damned world . The guy in the front was riding one of those big fancy Arabian stallions . That horse was fucking beautiful . I say was because I stepped out of the alley and unloaded my shotgun into it . As it fell it tripped the two men on horseback directly behind it . I then drew my . 44 and shot the two men who 'd gone down on each side of the guy on the dead horse . Then I leveled my piece at him as he struggled to get up and blew his brains out as well . Served the bastard right . Not only for robbing the bank , but for riding that fancy dam horse . I never would have shot a good honest Mustang like that . The remaining three gunmen all slowly drew their pieces and took aim at me just as another 10 or 12 of the varmints stormed into town . They were dragging 2 of my 3 Deputies behind them for sport . I thought at that moment looking into the barrels of three guns that my days were numbered . And that I 'd never live to see the birth of my child . " Shooting the lawman wouldn 't be in your best interest Bart , " said a voice . " Especially since before his body hit the ground , I 'd shoot you . I 'm thinking you 'd best let me and the Sheriff here have a little talk . Meanwhile why don 't you take the money back to the bank . I told you we were only coming here for fun , not to work . " If The man called Bart had any reservations they didn 't show he immediately put his gun back in his holster , smiled at me and headed back to the bank with his three friends following him . The man who 'd spoken to him before got down off of his horse and came over to face me . Even with the bandanna covering the lower half of his face , I recognized it . Especially since it was nearly identical to the face I saw in the mirror every morning . As he pulled the bandanna down and looked at me a smile broke out on my own face as people who were watching through windows or around corners were shocked into showing themselves . Even in these days seeing a pair of identical twins can be somewhat un nerving . " Sheriff your wife is coming this way , " screamed one of the townies . I quickly took his black hat and pulled it down over my face while throwing him my White Stetson which he quickly put on . Constance ran into the Saloon , forgetting in the moment that normally she 'd never get caught dead in the place . She was very pregnant and still extremely beautiful and every man in the place looked at her with lust . She quickly waddled over to Jack , thinking he was me and kissed him full on the lips . Jack didn 't know how to react . " This is my husband , " she snapped . Then maybe it was her female intuition or kismet I don 't know , but she looked at Jack again . Then she took his hat off and looked closely at his face . " Who are you ? " she asked him . Jack and I both busted out laughing at the same time . I took Jack 's hat off and gave it back to him , while Constance just looked back and forth between us . I don 't think she enjoyed the joke . September 6 . I really must endeavor to write in this journal more often . Nothing much is going on . The town has gradually gotten used to the idea , that we have a notorious gang seemingly making their home in our small town . The reality of the situation is that after being separated for years I 'm enjoying having my brother around . He makes sure that all of his men are on their best behavior while they 're inside the town limits , but truth be told there have been several times when having them here has proven to be handy . Two weeks ago for instance we got word of a bunch of cowboys who 'd just gotten back from taking their cattle on a long drive up to the railroad yard for sale . They were headed back home and had been hooting and hollering through every town they passed . I 'm all for cowboys with their pockets full of money coming into town and spending it , and we all know that working cattle is rough work so they need to unwind a bit after weeks on the trail , but they 'd torn up a few small towns and showed no signs of mellowing out . There were 25 or so of them , and there was simply no way that my Deputies and I 'd be able to handle them . As usual by the time the Rangers would be able to send a few men to help us out they 'd probably be gone . So again as usual my Deputies and I set out to meet them before they got to the town . The four of us took a position on the path about a half mile out of town and waited . They pulled up when they got to us and asked us what our business was . We explained to them that our small town was a family settlement , and while we 'd love to have them visit us , there were certaiBefore he even noticed that I 'd moved I drew my gun and shot the cigar out of his mouth , leaving a frayed end very close to his lips . " I didn 't get a chance to mention that there 's no smoking around any of the children in town either , " I said calmly . " Well maybe you 're pretty good with a hog - leg Sheriff , " he spat . " I 'm not denying that you could probably take me , or any of us . But your problem is that you 're seriously out manned . And your Deputies look so nervous that I don 't think any one of them is really ready for a gun fight over something so trivial as my boys and me blowing off a little steam . So we might get a little bit keyed up and rearrange your town a little bit . We 'll leave you some money on our way out , and all will be well . " " Is all well in Pritchville ? " I asked . " That was the town you rode through two days ago . The way I heard it , there were several women who weren 't whores , who were raped . There was property stolen or destroyed . There were men jumped on and beaten just for standing up for themselves or their families or their friends . We don 't need that kind of visitors , so you either obey my rules or you don 't come into town . " Jack pulled down his mask and rode up to the big cowboy and took one of his cigars out of his pocket . He smiled at the man and asked , " Got a light ? " After the man lit his own cigar for Jack to smoke , Jack asked him , " What seems to be the problem ? " " Well your deputies are pretty good , " began Jack . " They 're not as good as you and I , but they 're not bad . In case you 're wondering cowboy , my brother here , is a very accurate shot with either pistol or rifle . I 'm a shade faster , but he 's the better shot . So now we have me and my 15 men , plus my brother and his 3 . Dammit that only makes 20 against twenty - five . We 're still out numbered . But our 20 men are used to fighting their way out of tough spots . We 're used to life and death fighting every day . Your men are half drunk and used to pushing cows around . Half of them look like they 've never even shot at anything other than a tin can . I think I like those odds . " We all heard several of the cowboys take big gulps of air and look at their boss . After that Jack and his men moved into town , they were staying at the hotel and the boarding house . I can 't say that there weren 't any incidents , but when there were things were handled fairly and they spent their nights in jail and paid their fines like everyone did . Things went fine until a few months after the birth of my son . Dear diary , I must admit I 'm still having the problem . Ever since the 6th month of the pregnancy I 've felt like a bitch in heat . Often I 'd attack Sam as soon as he came through the door . I don 't know what has come over me . It is now a month since I 've given birth to John Jack , whom we named for both his grandfather and his uncle . I can hardly wait for Sam to get home tonight so we can start on the next one . I can hardly believe how much my plans for my life have changed since I met Sam . Where I once dreamed of being a teacher or a business woman , all I want now is to be a wife and mother . I especially like the mother part , and especially the action that gets me to become a mother . I must admit that my waist may have gained an inch or two , and my breasts don 't seem to sit as high as they did before the baby but Sam doesn 't seem to mind , and no one else in town seems to have noticed . All of the men still watch my every movement every time I go to town . April 3 . Dear Diary , The problem seems to have gotten worse . Sam and I start up as soon as I get the baby to sleep . Last night he did me nearly all night , stopping only for a few minutes of sleep here and there . This morning he went off to work , still tired from his exertions . I feel bad about that because in his line of work , he needs to have all of his wits about him . Being a step slow could possibly be fatal . I also feel bad because God help me it just wasn 't enough . Lately I have an itch in my nether regions , that just constantly needs to be scratched . In some ways I blame Sam for this because I was a God fearing virgin until he took my virtue and started all of this . April 9 . God help me what have I done . Jack came by the house looking for Sam this morning and I let him see me in just my shift . I thought his eyes would bug out of his head , and there was considerable swelling in his pants too . I found myself just smiling at him which might as well have been an invitation . He started walking towards me , and I was ready for him . But then he shook his head and told me to get control of myself , and stop acting like a whore . As much as I love Sam , I shudder to think of what might have happened if it had been any man other than his brother . May 2 . My life is over . For the past week I 've been unfaithful to my husband . It started out innocently enough . A stranger came to the ranch as I was taking a bath . A tall rough looking man , who obviously liked what he saw . I hated him on sight but my itch wouldn 't take no for an answer . He was looking for Jack . I don 't know why . There 's always someone looking for Jack . Half of them want a chance to take him down in a gunfight , either to get revenge for someone he hurt or killed , or to make their own reputation by being the one who killed him . The rest want to join his gang . I didn 't know whether this man was a fighter or a joiner , but I invited him in . I wish to God I hadn 't but I did and there 's no going back . He 's not a good looking man like Sam , or Jack . He 's also a little on the chunky side . But the worst part of all is that he really doesn 't know how to handle his equipment nearly as well as my Sam does . He spent the better part of an hour mauling my breasts and slapping my ass while he humped me . I didn 't get anywhere close to a single climax . I could have done better to spend the afternoon rubbing myself . He was so inept in the bedroom that I don 't think I 'd have ever considered trying another man other than Sam . Unfortunately that wasn 't to be . The worst part about it was that when Sam came home that night all ready to fuck my brains out . I had to pretend to be sore from the night before , I couldn 't let him see the bruises on my ass . The next day the man , Cletus , came back , as soon as Sam rode off for town . I told him that Jack wasn 't there but he came in anyway . He wanted more of what he 'd had the day before . I told him no , but he just smiled at me and asked me whether or not I wanted Sam to find out that I had given him some pussy . I never heard that term pussy before , but whatever he called it , I didn 't want Sam to find out . So I made him promise not to bruise me up , and gave him what he wanted . The next day he came back again , but he wasn 't alone . He brought another man with him , and they both had meWithin a few days Cletus had a pattern down , he 'd show up as soon as Sam left and bring sometimes as many as three or four men with him . I didn 't find out until much later that he was charging them to have their way with me . I didn 't see any way out of my dilemma , but fate stepped in to give me a reprieve . Cletus ran into Jack in town one morning and there was a gunfight . Jack I 've heard isn 't nearly as accurate with a gun as Sam is , but he 's faster than greased lightning . He was aiming to put a bullet right between that asshole 's eyes but he missed by a bit and still managed to blow the side of his face clean off . Luckily for me Cletus died within a few hours . I swore I 'd never cheat on Sam again as long as I lived . But within a week , the itch was back though I fought it as hard and as diligently as I could . My bad luck continued when I went to the general store to pick up a few things and happened upon one of the men that Cletus had been bringing to the ranch . Now that he knew who I was , other than Cletus ' whore , he was ready to reacquaint himself with me . About that time both Sam 's and my lives took a turn for the worse . Mine did because now almost daily there 'd be men at the ranch , and unlike with Cletus some of them didn 't want to leave when it was time for Sam to come home . It seemed that word was spreading all over town about a woman who would do things that even the whores refused to try , and she did them for free . Atherton stopped reading the diaries when we all heard the chirping from the intercom on his desk . Both Samantha and I stretched and looked at each other . We 'd both been so caught up in the story that we had lost track of time and where we were . " Please show her in , " replied Atherton . He sat up and straightened his tie and checked for wrinkles on his shirt . In only a few moments I saw why . Miss Peyton was tall and slim with flowing blonde hair . She had a beautiful smile and used it often . She could easily be mistaken for one of the Playboy models that every man dreams of . Atherton behaved like a fucking puppy around her . I kept expecting to see him get down on the floor and stand on his knees with his hands held like a dog begging for a treat and his tongue out . Then of course she 'd have to pat his head and say , " good boy . " Atherton would probably roll over then so she could pat his stomach . I had a couple of places she could pat on me as well , but I wasn 't going to be rolling around on the floor to get her to do it . Samantha cleared her throat loudly , and glared . Her beautiful eyes narrowed dangerously but I couldn 't tell if they were directed at Atherton or at me . " Oh do forgive me , " said Atherton . " I 'd like to introduce Ms . Diana Peyton from the Waterhouse Western Memorabilia Auctions company . She 's interested in listing both of your items in an upcoming auction . She 's very sure that we . . . I mean you , can make substantially more money if we list both Miss Chavaria 's diaries and Mr . Dansen 's ' guns together as a set . We can also market the items by having a showing and display on her website to drum up interest in the items . Miss Peyton , as it happens is also a direct relation of Constance Farmwell . " Miss Peyton smiled very slightly at Samantha , and then turned the full spotlight on me . As she smiled at me , for some reason despite how beautiful she was , I was reminded of a really big fucking snake . I also noticed two things , the first was that she had to have more than thirty two teeth to have a smile that fucking wide , and the second was how much she looked like my ex wife . We all got into Ms . Peyton 's big BMW sedan . It was so big and so plush inside the car that it felt like I was sitting in someone 's fucking living room . The ride was so smooth that I couldn 't feel the road under me . Surprisingly I was uncomfortable , I was so used to being able to feel the road and much faster acceleration . This thing seemed to float along like a fucking blimp . I also didn 't really like the seating arrangements . Ms . Peyton had opened the door and herded Samantha and Atherton in the back seat together and then closed the door . I wondered why , when there was room back there for me too . I was stuck sitting in the front seat with her . She tried one of those cheesy teenager 's moves on me halfway through the trip . She was slick about it . She put her hand on the gear shift lever , even though it was an automatic . Then she dropped her hand off the shifter and onto mine . She smiled at me as she did this . What the hell was she playing at ? I pulled a cheesy move of my own . I smiled back at her , and then pretended I was yawning and used the hand she was trying to hold to cover my mouth . She pulled the same shit at the restaurant . Somehow Atherton ended up sitting next to Samantha and I ended up next to Ms . Peyton . To make matters worse I was sitting directly across from Atherton , who was glaring at me like I was cock - blocking him . Samantha didn 't seem to be very happy either . Actually the only person smiling was Ms . Peyton . She seemed to be smiling like a shark , or like a lioness who had separated her chosen prey from the herd . During dinner she outlined her plan . She 'd start advertising the pieces and marketing them , so there 'd be plenty of interest in them when the auction opened . She 'd have pictures taken so they could be viewed on the internet , and write a piece about them for all of the Military and Western newsletters . With all of that publicity we were sure to attract lots of bidders , who could afford to pay a very good price for the pieces , and we 'd all make a lot of money . Ms . Peyton was also rubbing her leg against mine under the table pretty hard . I was trying to move away from her , but there 's only so far you can move without looking stupid . My dick was beginning to tell me to go for it . Samantha dropped her fork and reached for it and looked at what was going on under the table . When she sat back up she glared at me , but Ms . Peyton simply smiled at her and made no attempt to stop what she was doing . She had balls I had to give her that . " What , " I said sharply . " You didn 't call me back , " whined Carla . " I need . . . she began as I hung up on her . That was all I needed to give me the motivation to pull my leg away from Ms . Peyton like she was covered in shit . I looked around for a distraction and noticed that a small four man combo was playing soft music on the other side of the room . " I need to go to the little boys room , " I said . Atherton grimaced at the term , Samantha smiled , and Ms . Peyton looked as if me being away would hurt her . She moved out to let me out of the booth and ran her hands across my ass as I passed . Now I know what women go through . It felt like I was a horse she was interested in buying and she was checking out my muscle tone to see what kind of shape I was in . During my quick visit to the facilities I got a chance to calm my dick down , and become presentable again . I tried to figure out the dynamics of what the hell was going on . Ms . Peyton obviously wanted my pieces for her auction house . She seemed to want to see if another one of my pieces would be a good fit inside of her . Atherton seemed to want to make money off of me , and he also wanted Ms . Peyton . I was sensing a spurned lover vibe from him . The only one of the payers whose motivation I couldn 't figure out was Samantha . What was her interest in this whole thing ? I needed to figure out what her game was too . When I got back to the table , I had an idea . " Wow , I feel like dancing , " I said . Before Ms . Peyton could get up I extended my hand to Samantha . I took Samantha 's hand and led her the other way . There was a small deck behind the restaurant and you could see the moon shining very brightly on everything . " So why aren 't you having a good time ? " I asked her . " Well , that bitch seems to be trying very hard to exclude me from everything , " she said . " I think she doesn 't think that the diaries are very important . She also doesn 't like my plan very much . She just wants to make a shitload of money , and move on to her next conquest . " " Well I wanted to wait until after you 'd heard the entire story from the diaries , so you 'd know everything our families did , and then you could think about what I was going to say . That way you 'd know all of the facts about everything and you could make an informed decision . I don 't want you to go off half cocked and do something that you 'll regret later . " I thought about what she was saying carefully . She seemed to be the only person of the three , that wasn 't trying to push her agenda on me . Was it because she really thought that what I wanted mattered , or because her way was less attractive than the other two options . " Would you like to dance anyway ? " I asked . It was certainly romantic out here on the deck alone , and you could just barely hear the music , but the view and the moonlight surely more than made up for the lack of volume . She smiled at me and nodded her head . I wrapped on arm around her gently and took her hand . The look in her eyes found me wondering whether or not I could fall into them . there was clearly something going on between us but I didn 't understand it . " Now I know how she felt , " she told me . " You 'll know all of it soon enough , " she said , laying her head on my shoulder and somehow it just felt right . I pulled her closer in to me molding our bodies together in a far more intimate embrace . I couldn 't help staring into those deep brown eyes and thinking I 'd love to wake up to her for the rest of my life . " Guys try all of their lines and moves on someone like me , and then they marry someone like Ms . Peyton . I 'm pretty enough that they don 't have to be embarrassed to be seen with me , but they 're really thinking that since I 'm a little heavier , that I 'm going to put out on demand , because they gave me a little bit of attention , " she said . " Once they find out that they 're going to have to do some work to get into my pants , they move on , so I 'm not married , and I date , but there 's no one serious in the picture . " " Are you accepting applications ? " I asked , and she smiled . We seemed to be pulling closer together like magnets . I could already practically feel those soft lips , and I wondered what she 'd taste like . But wondering was all I got to do . " Hey , no talking business without the rest of the class , " said Ms . Peyton sharply . " We were wondering where the hell you two disappeared to . Stevie says you guys are going to meet back at his office tomorrow to finish going through the diaries and then we can make the final decision and sign the papers . I 'll drive you back to his office , " then she looked directly at me and said , " Or anywhere else you 'd like to go . " Samantha didn 't miss that either . When we got back to Atherton 's building Ms . Peyton drove straight into the parking lot . " You can let me out right there next to the dark blue car , " said Samantha . Ms . Peyton stopped in front of the blue car and my heart stopped as Samantha got out . I jumped out too , and walked around the car . " Oh my God it 's beautiful , " I said . Walking around further . " It 's a girl . " " 09 Mustang , midnight blue , pony package , optional 18 " chrome Bullitt rims , " I said whistling . Samantha was smiling as I gushed over her car . " Hey what about my Beemer ? , " asked Ms . Peyton . " If you 're into cars , you can drive it . " " It 's a v6 . Less horsepower , that makes it a girl . She 's still a pony , just a filly as opposed to a stallion , " I said smiling at her . " Ooh , too easy , " I started . " Your car is clearly an S197 model . Those are the generation of cars from 2005 until now , with the retro styling . There are 2 series of cars in this generation . Cars from 2005 until 2009 have the perpendicular headlight frames on the front fascia , with the exception of the Shelby GT 500 . The cars from 2010 and 2011 have angled headlight frames and that shitty looking trim piece along the underside of the car . They also have the angled rear fascia which I kind of hate . Your car is from the 2005 through 2009 like mine . You also have the anniversary badge on the front quarter panel , which means it 's an 09 . " " So do sex changes , but I don 't want one of those either , " I snapped . " Honestly , I 'm sure it 's fine for people who like them , but I just don 't like Euro - trash Sedans . If I were in the market for an old guy 's car I 'd probably get that new Lincoln MKZ . " Ms . Peyton slumped her shoulders , she was clearly upset that we weren 't blown away by her sedan . But sharks supposedly have to keep swimming or they drown , so she just stayed in there punching . " Can you come to my hotel room , I have some display ideas for your guns , " she asked just before Samantha pulled away . From the look in Samantha 's eyes through the car window I could tell she 'd heard the request . Unfortunately she couldn 't hear my reply as she drove off . The next morning Atherton 's secretary who 'd obviously been practicing smiling ushered me right into the office . Her smile was still kind of odd , but it was more like she had a mouth full of sour patch kids candy . I remember those things from when I was young . They 're so bitter that you make just the expression she had on her face when you put one in your mouth . I was clearly the last one to arrive . Samantha looked up sadly as I came into the room . I wanted to go and sit by her and find out what was wrong with her , but I was intercepted by Ms . Peyton who grabbed my arm , looked into my eyes and said , " Last night was wonderful , " as she led me to a chair . I did notice that she sat down between Samantha and me . " Hm , where did we leave off ? asked Atherton . " Ah yes , I bookmarked my place . " Then he began to read as we settled into our chairs . Sam Dansen 's Journal . May 4 . Something funny is going on but I don 't know what . A saddle bum who 'd been in town for about a week refused to give up his gun . Even worse than that he challenged me in front of everybody in the damned Saloon to a gunfight . I couldn 't let the man keep his guns , and I couldn 't back down from a public challenge because that would undermine my authority in the town . I 'd had to fight unruly characters before , but this guy really pissed me off . It wasn 't just his attitude it was the things he said . One of which confused me and gave me an itch at the back of my neck at the same time . There were a few men in the back of the saloon stifling laughs , but that was all brushed aside when we headed out to the streets . Normally I tried my best to wing or wound my opponent when it was necessary to have these things , but this time I was pissed . I 'm not as fast as my brother but I 'm faster than most , and very accurate . He went for his gun first , but he didn 't have a prayer . Before he even touched his grip , I had drawn my . 44 and drilled him through his left eye . If they buried him with an eye patch , he 'd look like he was only sleeping . The bullet passed dead through the center of his eye , and didn 't mark his face at all . Of course the back of his head was a different story . There was a hole big enough to put your fist through . I literally blew his brains out . Several of the people nearby were covered in gray matter and blood after the fight . May 6 . My life is truly over . Today something terrible happened to me . Instead of taking me one at a time , the men all came in at the same time . I heard them say that they just wanted to get some and get out . For some reason none of them wanted to risk being anywhere near here when Sam came home . So there was one man fucking me in my vagina , while another stuck his manhood in my mouth and just used me that way . Then yet another inserted his member into my back hole , and it hurt really badly . None of them seemed concerned about my pleasure in the least . I was just another whore . As they humped on me , each intent only on their own pleasure another man started lowering his pants , I didn 't even have another hole for him to use so I wondered what he thought he was doing . I tried to find something pleasurable in their actions . But all I felt was pain , and disgust with myself . The man in my mouth let out a yell and shot his baby juice all over my face . The next guy just marched over and stuck his dick in my mouth before the other one had even finished shooting and spasming . I just wanted to die at that moment , and I nearly did . I heard the door open , and it got cold in that room , but not from a breeze . It was the chill they say you feel when you 're close to death . It all seemed to happen in slow motion . The door opened and Jack was in the room . He looked at me and then at the men . Then before any of them could even realize what was going on , Jack shot all five of them . Pow , Pow , Pow , Pow , Pow . Five shots in less than 3 seconds . Somehow none of the bullets hit me . When he started shooting I had closed my eyes as death whistled all around me . When I opened them I was staring down the barrel of Jack 's gun , and the look in his eye 's told me that he wasn 't necessarily finished , he had only paused . " Go ahead , do it , " I said . Then I started crying uncontrollably . The sounds of Jack 's shots had brought a couple of his men running . Jack calmly reloaded his gun so it would be ready the next time he needed it , and looked at me . I was no longer beautiful . I was covered in a mixture of semen , sweat , blood brains and just funk , from all of the men who 'd died around me . " Get the fuck out of here , " Jack said to the men who 'd come into the room . " Wait , " he told one of them . " Go get Juan Chavaria , that fat deputy who works for my brother . Get him here as fast as you can , " then he slammed the door . " You stupid whore , " he said to me . " You 're destroying my brother , and I won 't let you . Four people have died in town since yesterday , because of you . These five make nine , you aren 't worth another death . " " What are you talking about Jack ? " I asked him . I hadn 't heard anything about it . Sam didn 't talk about his work much . He had been kind of quiet last night . He didn 't even want to have sex with me and I needed him . After being fucked and abused all day , I needed to feel loved and appreciated . Sam had a funny look in his eye like there was something he wanted to ask me , but he wasn 't sure he 'd want the answer . So we both just let it be . " Yesterday , some galoot , challenged Sam to a gunfight in the middle of town . It ain 't like my brother to kill anyone , that 's the difference between him and me . He just don 't have the stomach for killing . He killed this guy though because he was all fired up about the guy saying something about you , " said Jack . He looked at me again . " Today was worse , another guy you fucked challenged Sam too , but this one was a snake . Sam drilled him through the forehead , but the guy 's buddy was behind Sam and tried to shoot my brother in the back with a fucking shotgun . Sam heard him and started to turn but he was just too late and the guy got the shot off , " said Jack . I felt like my world had ended , my husband , the only man I had ever loved was dead and it was all my fault . Suddenly I didn 't have the strength to stand any more . I hadn 't told anyone but I thought that I was with child again , and the chances that it was Sam 's weren 't very good . Now my husband was dead as well . I vomited all over myself adding one more fluid to the sperm , piss , blood and brains that covered me . " My Sam is dead I wailed , just shoot me now . " Back in Atherton 's office , I leapt to my feet . " Buuuuulllshiiiiiitttt ! " I yelled so loudly that Atherton 's sourpuss secretary stuck her head in the door , giving me the evil eye . Samantha looked at me with that same bemused look she 'd had when she caught me staring at her tits the first time . I looked back and smiled . It was worth making a fool out of myself to see her smile . Her smile quickly vanished when Ms . Peyton stroked my arm to calm me down . I couldn 't figure out why this woman was trying to give the outward impression that there was something going on between us . I snatched my arm out her grasp like she had syphilis and sat back down . Samantha was amused by that . May 6 . As I sit here alone tonight , my heart is breaking . I find myself wondering where I went wrong . Why did God forsake me ? Today was the worst day of my life . A truly innocent soul was lost tonight and God help me , I still don 't know truly why any of this has happened . I was trying so hard to think good things this morning and put the things that happened yesterday behind me . I still have the feeling that there are things that Constance and I must discuss , but she 's so beautiful and I love her so much that I hate to bring her sadness or misery in any way . So I kissed her goodbye this morning like always and she seemed to want me to stay home , but this is normal because she always begs me not to leave , so I paid it no mind . If I had known that it might be the last time I saw her face or kissed those lips , I 'd never have gone . I rode into town the same as I do every other day , but as much as I tried to be cheerful , there was a sense of foreboding over everything . It was as if the unpleasantness of the day before was only a warning . Many of the men in town would not meet my eyes , and others looked as if they were spoiling for a fight . Only Maria , the beautiful young Mexican woman who organizes the Sheriff 's office for us had a cheerful word for me . Maria is something else . Had I not met Constance , I 'd surely have married her by now . She will make some man very lucky someday . My deputies who are her kin often joke that I 'm the luckiest man in the world to have one wife at home and another at work . Maria does seem to fuss over me a lot , but I 'm sure she 's just grateful for the job and being friendly . Of course there was all kinds of talk about my gunfight the day before . Some of the men there claiming that it was a lucky shot , and that I 'd never be able to duplicate it in a million years . Others saying they had seen me shoot before and I could hit anything I could see . Then the group that thought it was luck would come right back with the fact that I hadn 't hit him right between the eyes . They thought that I had aimed between the eyes and missed by a couple of inches . I hated that kind of talk and actually I still felt bad about what had happened . I could easily have just wounded the man or just shot him in the hand and disarmed him . But I let my anger get the best of me because he 'd insulted me through Constance , and a man died for it . I felt no pride at my victory , only shame at my weakness of spirit and decided to leave and avoid hearing the talk about it any further . But of course it was not to be . " From what I hear you 're the one starting the fights around here , " he said . " You murdered my brother in cold blood yesterday because you were jealous about him fucking your whore of a wife . If every man who gets between that bitch 's legs dies , there won 't be very many men left in Texas . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about . Your brother challenged me to the fight . I even let him go for his gun first . And Constance hardly ever comes to town , " I said sharply . " You let him go after his gun first because you and your horse - thieving , train robbing brother are both professional gunslingers and he was just another cowpoke . He didn 't have a chance against you . And as far as your whore goes , from what I understand she don 't have to come to town , she 's not even selling it , she 's just giving that pussy away at your ranch . From what I hear she 's taking on more than one man at a time now . I can 't wait Ta . . . " he never got a chance to finish because at that point my fist connected solidly with his jaw sending him sprawling in the street . I was angrier than I 'd ever been . " It 's about time . I was beginning to think you 're as cowardly as your brother . Doesn 't he usually shoot men in the back ? Or maybe you 're as big and soft as your wife 's pussy , " he smiled as he said that . Again there were a lot of snickers and outright laughs coming from the people gathered to watch us . As angered as I was , all of my recriminations and sorrow about yesterday were gone . I was ready to kill yet another man over Constance 's virtue . Again we lined up in the street , and it seemed like the whole town plus some , was assembled to watch . I looked at my opponent and was puzzled as he seemed to be looking not at me but at something behind me . I wasn 't going to fall for that old trick though . I would turn around to see who was behind me and he 'd go for his gun and plug me while I was looking at nothing . I kept my eyes firmly planted on his , watching for any twitch that would let me know when he was ready to move . If he didn 't move soon I was going to kill him anyway , just so this could be over and I could find out what was going on with Constance . There was no way she could be doing what he 'd said . She was at home taking care of our infant son . He blinked , and as if on automatic my hand moved for my gun before my brain even realized he was moving . Like his brother he was slow and before his hand even reached his weapon , my Schofield . 44 spat another fat bullet in his direction . This time just to shut up the Negative Nellies I drilled one right between his eyes . Even before he hit the ground though , I heard a sound at my back . I instinctively knew right away it was a shot gun 's hammer being pulled back . He hadn 't been staring at a ghost after all , and I knew that I was going to be too late . I was going to die . But even as I heard the shotgun 's deadly roar , something small slammed into me intercepting nearly all of the blast . I did get stung by a pellet or two but I was untouched otherwise . Jack blew the face off of the coward with the shotgun and just emptied his gun in the body and then snatched another gun from one of his men and emptied it as well . He was looking for another gun so I handed him mine as I sat there in the dirt cradling Maria 's small body as she struggled to breathe . " Love you , " she said . " From first day you came to town . Long before that gussied up witch you married I always l … " then she died smiling , as if saving me really made her happy . I don 't know how long I sat there holding her and crying my eyes out in the street . I do know that some of Jack 's men and my deputies stood around me to keep riders from trampling me . Finally the preacher and the undertaker came and got me to let go of her . Juan , one of my deputies was related to Maria , and he told me that she had left a son , and that he and his wife would take him in . I told him that he and his wife already had enough kids to worry about , I 'd take him in and raise him as my own , but he could visit him anytime he wanted . Before he could finish his stupid statement , I shot him . And I didn 't regret it to my dying day . I regret shooting the man yesterday . I regret shooting his brother today , in both of those cases I clearly could have and should have been more merciful . But shooting that racist asshole after the sacrifice Maria made for me , has never caused me to lose even a second 's worth of sleep . " There are no Mexicans in this town , " I said . " No Whites , No Blacks , No Chinese , there are only people . From now on we 're all the same . Do I hear any arguments ? " Maybe they could see the state I was in , or sympathized with me over what I 'd just been through but no one said a word . I looked around and my brother was gone . I didn 't know where he 'd gone , but I had to go to see the undertaker and make arrangements for Maria 's funeral . Juan was there with me for a short time , but he was called away . I arranged for everything the flowers , her casket and even the clothing she 'd be buried in . The preacher looked like he wanted to object to having Maria 's funeral on Sunday during the church services , but I noticed that he changed his mind and agreed when my hand accidentally slid down near the gun in my holster . After that it was getting dark so I rode home . I needed to talk to Constance , and this time we 'd have words no matter how painful it was . That led to an even bigger shock . When I opened the door to my ranch house and found Juan 's wife Carmen , caring for my son . There was another small boy , who was perhaps 4 years old there as well . I immediately recognized Maria 's eyes , and knew who he was . There 's simply no easy way to say this . I have betrayed your trust , and am not a fit wife or mother . I love you more than life itself , but after our baby was born , It triggered all kinds of unnatural urges in me , that I could not control . By the time I was able to become myself again I had become a monster . I 'm going away to a convent to try and make myself worthy of you again . I release you from our marriage vows since it is I who have made a mockery of them . Please find someone else worthy of your love . You need someone to fill your life and our son cannot grow up without a mother . Please try not to think too badly of me because I never stopped loving you , and I 'll love you until my dying day . I wasn 't evil , only weak . Perhaps the austere atmosphere , and servitude found in a convent will purify my , body , my mind , and my soul . I dropped the paper and started crying again . I cried for the two men I had killed because they had the nerve to say things that turned out to be true . I cried for the man that Jack had killed because he too died for Constance 's betrayal . I cried for two little boys who would grow up without mothers . But more than anything else I cried for Maria . June 16 . I woke up this morning chained to a bed . Today was the first time I remember my head being clear since Jack made me write that letter to Sam about going to a convent . I have to admit I didn 't like the idea of being away from Sam and my baby . My idea was for Sam , and me to pack up the baby and move to another town , far away for a fresh start . Now that I have my urges under control , I 'm all better . I will never want to have sex with any man other then my husband ever . I 'm completely cured , but Jack being the concerned brother that he obviously is wants to be sure . I don 't even know which convent I 've been sent to . They kept me asleep by putting sleeping drops in my food for the entire journey here . At least it wasn 't as bad as that awful stagecoach . June 17 . I am in hell paying for my sins . I am not in a convent . They don 't chain you to the bed in a convent . This is Jack 's idea of revenge against me for the pain I caused Sam . He sold me to a whorehouse in Mexico . The men here really like my blond hair and blue eyes . I was forced to service at least 20 of them yesterday . They came one after another until I just lost consciousness . The madam here says I have to service her customers until she recoups her investment in me , and then I 'll be free to leave . This is far worse a fate than I ever imagined . I had it all , and I just let lust take it all away from me . Atherton stopped reading at that point , and just looked at us . " I suppose you 're all wondering what happened after that , " he said . " It really is a fascinating untold saga of American history . Samuel went on to become the town 's mayor . His brother Jack became Sheriff after him . Constance contracted Syphilis and died in the whorehouse and never saw Sam or her child again . Jack never told Sam where Constance really ended up , only that she had passed , when it happened . " Samantha was obviously uneasy . She licked those soft generous lips and looked at me . As you 've probably figured out Maria , was my ancestor and the Dansens were yours . Miss Peyton Claims to be related to Constance 's Family . That small town they 're from was renamed about 50 years ago . It 's called Dansen Texas now . They 've recently completed construction on a small museum , and I was going to donate the diaries to that museum . Like Mr . Atherton said , our family history is an untold saga of American history that should really be known and loved by all of the people , not just sold to one rich person to hide away in his attic . But before you got here Mr . Atherton and Ms . Peyton explained to me the amount of money you could get for the entire collection . The diaries are valuable by themselves , but the guns are the real collector 's items . I told Mr . Atherton and Ms . Peyton what I wanted to do with them already . It was really nice meeting you , a dream in fact , and I really do know how she felt . " Samantha stood up and walked out of the office , leaving me puzzled . Ms . Peyton 's hysterical laughter started as soon as the door quietly closed . I turned to her and she stopped laughing . " Can you believe that woman ? Give them to some small museum in Podunk , Texas . We 're talking about hundreds of thousands of dollars here , not chump change . But don 't worry , we don 't need her , she did the dumbest thing I 've ever heard of . Atherton get me that contract . " " She gave you the diaries , " laughed Ms . Peyton . " Free of charge , no money at all . She just gave them to you . " Then she started laughing again . " Some people just don 't deserve money . " " You 're right about that , " I smirked . " Atherton , where are my guns ? " He opened the wall safe behind his desk and got out the display case holding my ancestor 's pistols . I took the case , and stacked the diaries on top of it . I put them down on the desk and shook Atherton 's hand . Then I headed for the door . " Wait , where are you going ? " screamed Ms . Peyton . Just as I got out of the building I saw Samantha 's Mustang driving out of the parking lot . I jumped into mine and gunned it . I was sure I could catch her . Her little Pony was light and fast , but we 're still talking about a v6 versus my supercharged v8 . Samantha had a big head start , and a lead foot , but I was gaining on her quickly . She also had the advantage that I really didn 't know where she was going . She could have gotten off at any exit . In the end it was the cops who helped me . They had pulled her over for speeding . I pulled up a safe distance away from the cops and waved my arms signaling to them . One of the cops warily approached me , with his hand on his gun . " Officer , I didn 't want to alarm you , but I need to talk to my girlfriend , when you 're done writing her ticket . " I said . He just looked at me and nodded . " You can talk to her while we run her I . D . and plates . Just don 't try anything funny . We 've still got her license and her car . " " After you left , I drove home , alone . I 'm as puzzled as you are about what that bitch was talking about or what she was trying to make you and Atherton think . But there 's nothing going on between me and her . Now which way is it to your museum ? " I said . " Been there , done that , changed the script , " I snapped . " We know that in the end the way our ancestors did it didn 't work , no one ended up happy . So we get a chance to do it the way they should have . And you 've had enough practice , don 't you think it 's time you got the real thing ? " she nodded her head again and we finally kissed . Her lips were just as warm and soft as I 'd imagined . We went down to Dansen , and presented them with the guns and the diaries . They let us march in the Town 's founder 's day parade and gave us the key to the city . We ended up moving there after we got married . Ms . Peyton had spent a lot of her precious money promoting items she didn 't actually have a contract to sell , so she got her ass fired . She tried to sue us , but again without that contract she didn 't have a case . Atherton took it all in stride and ended up marrying his sourpuss secretary . Apparently she was hell on wheels in bed . And my ex wife Carla still calls me a lot and I hang up on her . This is an unusual kind of Western story , mixing the past and the present via the diaries - - but I like it very much . The characters are memorable and the plot is fast - moving . . . . One thing I must object to is putting late 20th century and 21st century sexual slang , like " pussy " and " dick " , into the mouths of 19th century people . A 19th century lady would be more likely to use euphemisms or the scientific terms . If no ladies were around , a 19th century man would be more likely to use " cunt " and " prick , " I believe . Whores , of course , were not considered ladies , so they would use the same terms as the men . |
Inside with the Robinsons was nice enough . When Mr . Robinson came home from work , he always asked Bailey how he was in a jolly , booming voice , and Mrs . Robinson scratched Bailey behind the ears when she fed him . Still neither of them scratched Bailey 's neck under his collar the way Reid did . They didn 't hide doggie treats in their pockets for Bailey to nose out . They didn 't throw the red plastic thing for Bailey to chase down . And even if they had done the same things , it still wouldn 't Bailey lifted his paw to scratch his ear , but then stopped , his paw in midair . For some reason he couldn 't pretend he hadn 't heard Lucinda this time . " Why aren 't they coming back ? " he asked . a small sigh , Lucinda peered down at Bailey from her window seat as if deciding whether there was any use in her trying to explain it all to him , a mere dog . Lucinda was a cat , and as she often told Bailey , cats were just naturally smarter than dogs . Bailey thought black cats like Lucinda must be smartest of all because he knew Lucinda was smart . Lots smarter than he was . She knew everything . She knew when it was going to rain . When their supper was going to be late . When the mailman was at the door . When it was Reid 's birthday which meant Bailey might get to sneak some cake and there would be lots of boys to pet him while Lucinda watched with narrowed eyes from the highest bookshelf . So Bailey was always careful to listen to what she had to say and to tiptoe past her when she was asleep and to never , no matter how hungry he was , even sniff at the bit of food she left in the corner of her feeding dish . But now he didn 't want her to be right . A funny , growly feeling inside him told him she couldn 't be right . " Dogs ! " Lucinda raised her eyes to the ceiling . " They never understand anything . " With that she circled around a couple of times before settling on the soft cushion with her tail curled around her . Bailey laid down too , his head on his paws . Still the feeling inside him didn 't go away . Bailey knew his place in the family . He was just a clumsy white dog with a few gray speckles who never got anything right . He didn 't even look right or so Reid 's mother used to say . His ears were too little for his head , and in between trims , his fur stuck out in a million directions . Mrs . Alexander was always taking him to get it clipped off . And his tail was too long so that when it wagged , it had a way of knocking something over or banging against the wall . All at once Bailey jumped up and held onto the window seat edge with his front paws until Lucinda opened one of her eyes . " They 've just gone for a trip , " Bailey said . " They did that before and then they came back and we went home . " " Don 't talk about that horrible week . " Lucinda raised her head and shivered . " Those nasty cages with no sunshine for days . At least they found somewhere nice for us this time . " " You don 't listen . " Lucinda rolled her eyes and put her paw over her ear . " They gave us away . Don 't you remember all the boxes ? They were moving , and they didn 't have boxes for us because we 're still here and they 're gone . " Lucinda sighed . " They probably promised Reid they 'd come back for us . He 's not much different than you . He 'll believe anything . " The skin tightened around Bailey 's eyes . It was one thing to say bad things about him , quite another to talk about his boy . He was ready to let out a big woof right in Lucinda 's ear when she jumped off the window Still he had to do something , so he woofed anyway . Lucinda barely flinched . " Barking at me isn 't going to change anything . You 're just going to have get used to the Robinsons . It 's not so bad here . " She stretched out along the top of the recliner . " Not bad at all . " Bailey sat back on his haunches and stared up at the cat . A new louder woof gathered just behind his tongue , but it stuck there and wouldn 't come the rest of the way out . It didn 't matter anyway . Even if he could woof loud enough to knock the chair over and send Lucinda sprawling , that wouldn 't make Reid be there . After a long time he went to the door and plopped down on the rug Mrs . Robinson left there for him to wipe his paws when he came in from the backyard . He shut his eyes , but he didn 't go to sleep . Instead he thought about the last time he 'd been with Reid . There had been something different about his boys . His eyes had been all wet and he 'd kept hugging Bailey and whispering into his fur things Bailey couldn 't quite hear . Funny how Bailey had forgotten that until now . always made Reid laugh , and it had that day too . But it wasn 't exactly his regular laugh . Still , he had through Bailey the red toy . Now Bailey got up and fetched the red thing . His teeth marks were all over it . When he lay back down on the rug with his head on the thing , it It had sometimes hummed like that when he captured it out in the yard only to look at Reid and know he wanted something more . Bailey would hold the think even tighter to keep it from making an escape until Reid yanked on it . Then Reid would send it flying through the air again . As bailey chase after it , he could hear his boy shouting something , but could never quite figure out what it was Reid said . Bailey knew he didn 't do the trick right . Lucinda told him that . She said dogs never do anything right . The hum got louder in his ears until it was vibrating through him everything . For some reason it made the bottom of his feet feel real itchy and his nose wanted to twitch . he couldn 't hear Reid . But he did hear something . He dind 't know exactly where it was coming from , but it was steady in hear ears like the sound of a distant siren . one room or antoher , but it stayed the same . He considered waking Lucinda to see if she heard the hum too , but he didn 't . Not only because if he could see Reid out in the yard calling him . Bailey couldn 't keep from jumping against the window and licking the glass . Reid was out there . He had to be . Mrs . Robinson yelled , " Bailey ! " She grabbed his collar and jerked him back from the window . " You find more ways to mess things up . Now I 'm going to have to wash the window . " Across the room , Lucinda was glaring at him for making Mrs . Robinson cross . She settled on the window seat for yet another nap . But cross as she tried to act , Bailey knew she loved Reid too . Maybe she 'd go with him to find Reid . That would be nice . Bailey laid his head down on his paws . The hum was softer now that he wasn 't concentrating on hearing it , and laughed . Bailey wanted to hear Reid laugh again . He wanted to lick his boy 's face again . If only he could figure out which way to go first . The fence wasn 't so easy to conquer . Bailey couldn 't jump it . His legs weren 't long enough or springy enough . He pushed his head against it , low growl nothing at all like a purr rumbled through Lucinda . " But I 'm here . So yank that crazy leash under the bush before somebody spots it . " " Since I 'm out here hiding under a bush with you , that 's obvious , don 't you think ? " Lucinda climbed up in the bush without rustling a leaf . " Now be quiet , for heaven 's sake . And take care of that leash . " Cats didn 't understand about dog 's tails . Lucinda had complete control of her tail , but Bailey 's tail did what it wanted . When it wanted to wag , it wagged . He could tell it to stop all he wanted , but it would keep slapping back and forth . Finally he put a paw on the end of his tail and mashed down hard . He was still holding it down when Lucinda climbed down . " The car 's past . They didn 't see us . Time to decide what next . " Lucinda 's sigh shook the bush . " You can 't even get out of the neighborhood . How do you expect to find Reid in another state ? " She looked down at him . " What 's done is done . Unless we go back inside and figure out a way to get back in the Robinsons ' good graces . " " I 'm not going inside . I 'm finding Reid . " Bailey peeked out of the bush . Lucinda was right . He had gone in a circle . He tried hard to think of something to say that would make Lucinda stop making those weird growly noises that meant she wanted to swat something . That something might just be his nose . hum . Mr . Robinson was yelling and there were cars and a dog barked right in my ear . " Bailey swiped his ear with a paw . " And the leash grabbed my neck . " He scratched his neck . " This is ridiculous . Forget that bug in your ear and let 's go wait on the doorstep for the Robinsons to come back . " Lucinda softened her voice The thought of food made Bailey 's mouth water . He shook it away . He wouldn 't think about food . He had to think about his boy . " Reid 's that way . " Bailey pointed with his nose away from the Robinsons ' house . disgust , she chewed on the slimmest part of the leash . But with a shudder , she backed off . " Tastes like dog . " She retched like she was going to dislodge a tail tapped against the bin . " Maybe so , but I 'm still hungry . Could you show me how to get something to eat from the bin too ? " Bailey gobbled down the scraps before his tail wagged twice , then sat back to wait for Skelley and Lucinda to finish . He tried not to think about how his stomach was still growling . " Ye appear to be a dog of no small appetite . " Skelley nosed another crust of bread toward Bailey . Lucinda finished last and started licking her paws . Skelley peered over his shoulder . " Begging your pardon , Miss Lucinda , but we best move along now . The ringmasters of this place will be showing up soon and for a truth , they don 't look kindly on me balancing skills . They are as apt to call the dog police as not . " Lucinda sighed . " If I must go unwashed , I must go unwashed . " " We can find a spot on down the street , " Bailey promised . " In the sun . " Lucinda groaned and stretched her back legs out behind her . Then she gave a delicate shake . " Well , which way ? " Before Bailey could listen for the hum in his ear , Skelley spoke up . " I 'd count it an honor if the two of ye came home with me for a bit of a rest . Miss Lucinda can finish her morning grooming in peace while us dogs have a chat , Bailey me lad . " " Is there more food there ? " " Don 't be rude , Bailey , " Lucinda hissed . " Worry not , Miss Lucinda . The boy is new to the streets . And it just so happens that I do have a bone I 've been saving for a rainy day . " Skelley looked up at the sky where the sun was just topping the buildings . No clouds in sight . " Or a celebration . " " What kind of celebration ? " Bailey asked . " We 'll be thinking of something . Come along . " They cut through alleys and behind buildings and crossed huge expanses of black asphalt . The monster cars were out in force , but Skelley avoided them with ease . " It 's safer to travel at night when there aren 't so many of the four - wheeled beasts on the prowl . A mere dog 's no match for the likes of them . " The cars were bad enough but then Skelley led them right up to some mustard yellow beasts like nothing Bailey had ever seen . Their wheels were as big as Mr . Robinson 's car and they had fearsome looking appendages poking out in odd places . Bailey sto " Can 't you control that thing ? " she muttered . Bailey growled at the leash that was dragging along meekly again . " Dragging that along does appear to be a bit awkward , me lad , " Skelley said . " I hated to say anything before , but I can 't help wondering why ye have it with you . " " I didn 't want to , but it was the only way I can get beyond the fence . " The old dog 's forehead wrinkled up . " Aye , we have to take the chances we get , I suppose . " Finally he looked around at them and said , " This is it . " The old dog shoved up a loose board with his nose to show a hole into the house . " Mind watch your step as ye head on in . The floor has a weak spot here and there . " The very end of Lucinda 's tail twitched back and forth as she stared at the dark opening . At last she tucked her head into the hole and disappeared . Bailey followed her , digging with his paws to scoot through behind the cat . The leash jerked back and did its best to stop him . Bailey pushed harder with his back paws and the leash turned loose to meekly slither the hole . Skelley popped in behind Bailey and let the board fall back into place . " Come along . " The old dog headed across the room . " It 's nothing fancy but it be safer than the street . And a bit of sunshine does sometimes sneak into the place . " At that , Lucinda perked up and began daintily picking her way through the bottles and cans and old newspapers . Bailey scrambled after her . Dust bunnies jumped out at him , but he paid them no mind . Bailey sniffed , but he couldn 't pick up even the slightest whiff of Skelley 's people no matter which way he turned his nose . " Here we are . Home sweet home . " Skelley did a little head bow . A few empty cans and a red stick with a black knob on the end were scattered on a rug in front of a window so dirty the sun barely forced its way inside . Skelley brushed off the window with his tail . " Would you care for the window seat , Miss Lucinda ? " Lucinda hopped up on the windowsill and began washing her face . It had to be wasted effort with all the cobwebs and dirt around them , but she was being polite . In between licks , she sent Bailey a warning look to mind his manners too . So when the old dog pulled his prize bone from under a pile of rags in the corner , Bailey thumped his tail on the floor and even though the bone was so dry he thought it might just be a rock masquerading as a bone , he chewed on the end of it . Nothing at all like the bone Mrs . Robinson had given him a couple of days ago . After what Bailey hoped wasSkelley said . " I 've been in twenty - two of them meself , but me old master used Bailey looked from the cat to the hole Skelley had slid through . On the other side of the house , the bulldozer monster rumbled deeper , and the house shuddered and groaned . Bailey dodged a shingle flying down from the roof . He stuck his nose close to the hole and barked , but if Skelley barked back he couldn 't hear him over the bulldozer 's growl . Bailey pushed his head into the hole , but he couldn 't wiggle through . " I can 't get through the hole . Not without Skelley holding up the plank for me . " " Dogs ! " Lucinda shook her head . Suddenly she perked up her ears . " Listen . That thing sounds like it 's backing away . I 'll go find that crazy dog . " Stop the bulldozer ! How could he stop that monster ? " Lucinda , " he called , but she was gone . He whipped his tail around in a circle and tried to think . He had to do something . And fast . The bulldozer 's growl was getting louder again . Bailey raced around the corner of the house and froze in his tracks . The yellow monster was inching closer , its enormous metal front a hungry mouth . Bailey looked behind him . If only he could see Skelley and Lucinda crawling out of the house , but they weren 't anywhere in sight . And the bulldozer kept coming . He couldn 't let it bite into the house while Lucinda and Skelley were inside . He couldn 't . Barking as loud as he could , Bailey ran at the terrible bulldozer mouth and attacked . His teeth wouldn 't grab on the slick blade . He slid to the ground and landed on his side . He couldn 't let it beat him . He scrambled up and charged again , barking louder than he thought possible . Nothing had ever been afraid of him or his bark , but he was sometimes scared of other dogs barking at him . Like the huge , black dog the day before . Bailey tried to sound every bit as fierce . He crouched down close to the ground in hopes that would make his bark deeper , more ferocious . " Hey , I didn 't tell you to stop ! " Whoever was yelling sounded as mad as the monster . Bailey peeked out the corner of his eyes at a man waving his arms at the bulldozer . With the monster silent , Bailey 's barks bounced off the metal mouth and pounded into his ears . But he was afraid to stop because between barks , he could hear the house creaking and groaning . Where were Lucinda and Skelley ? They should be out by now and he really wished he could stop barking . The man and the monster kept shouting . Then the man grabbed a plank and swung it at Bailey . He barely dodged in time , but he didn 't turn tail and run . Even if he wanted to . Instead , he rolled over on his back and stuck his feet up in the air . That had to make the man know Bailey wasn 't going to bite him . But the man kicked Bailey in the side anyway . Hard . " Get out of here , you dumb dog . " Bailey could keep from yelping . " Aw , don 't hurt him , boss , " the bulldozer said . " He 's sort of cute . And look there . He 's got a collar on with a leash . Somebody must be in the house . " " Look , a kitty cat . " A man climbed down the side of the monster . He must have been doing the talking instead of the monster . Maybe all it could do was growl . But it was quiet now . " I hate cats , " the man who kicked Bailey muttered . Bailey bounced up on his feet , ready to attack again . He wasn 't about to let the man kick Lucinda . But the cat disappeared back into the house before the men got to her . The man who 'd been on top of the monster stepped up on a rock and peeked through the window . " Hey , boss . There 's an old dog in there with his foot caught under a beam . " The boss looked in the window too . " I don 't know why not . From the looks of him , it would be a mercy killing . " Bailey growled and scooted closer to them . He didn 't know what a mercy killing was , but it didn 't sound good . Not good at all . " Aw , come on , boss . " The man who 'd been up on top the bulldozer monster stepped closer to the boss . " These guys must be friends . Let me go get the poor old dog . " Inside the house , the dust was so thick Bailey couldn 't see . Then Lucinda was meowing . He picked his way through the debris toward the sound . Skelley spoke up . " I 'm in a fix , lad . That 's for certain . But if ye could put your nose under that plank there and lift it a wee bit , I think I might be able to free meself . " Bailey pushed his nose as far under the plank as he good . Dust got in his nose but he didn 't sneeze . He lifted until his neck hurt . " We 'd best be making our escape now . Me thinks I heard some mention of the dogcatcher . We don 't want to be anywhere near here if he shows up . " He gabbed his painted stick and pointed his nose toward the window . Bailey jumped up into the window after Lucinda disappeared outside . The bulldozer monster was still there , glaring at him but at least it wasn 't rumbling . Bailey looked back at Skelley . " Can you make it ? " " Can I make it ? " Skelley said around the stick in his mouth . " I used to jump on old Asaph when he was trotting . One bum foot won 't be slowing Bailey leaped off the window directly in front of the bulldozer . Then Skelley was up in the window and a cheer went up from the men standing around . Skelley paused in the window to give a bow . Bailey was glad he didn 't have to stop it again when all at once the leash jerked him off his feet . His collar tightened around his neck until he couldn 't so much as yelp to let Lucinda and Skelley know the leash had grabbed him . They kept walking . " Come on , lad . One more good jerk . " Skelley was there too . " Miss Lucinda and I will give ye a bit of help . Ready ? Heave Ho ! " Skelley grabbed Bailey 's tail in his teeth and Lucinda hissed at him to pull harder . Bailey tried , but it wasn 't any use . The leash had him and the leash never gave up . He was doomed . The leash was going to feed him to the monster . Then just when Bailey thought his neck scrambled to his feet and scooted away from the bulldozer . Lucinda streaked ahead of him . Skelley grabbed his painted stick and was two steps behind . A loud cracking sound stopped them . They looked back to see the old house fall with a booming whoosh . place as I 've had for many a moon , but for a truth , it 's gone now . And lucky we are that we aren 't gone with it . " He looked at Bailey and Lucinda . " I have the two of ye to thank for that . " Bailey turned his head to the left , then the right . No matter which way he moved , it hurt . Besides that , his insides were shaking because the bulldozer monster was still growling . Way too loud . He eased back a few steps . Lucinda must have agreed that the monster was too near . " I think you both need to quit yapping so we can get out of here . " " Right ye are , Miss Lucinda , " Skelley agreed . " Two narrow escapes in one morning is more than enough . We might be a bit shaky to outwit the dogcatcher as well . I 'll see you safe out of the neighborhood , then start hunting a new place to live . " He gave the pile of rubble that had been his house a sad look . " Why don 't you come with us ? " Bailey said . Skelley 's eyes lit up . " Ye mean share your adventure ? It 's been many a day since I 've been on a real adventure . And for a truth , just thinking about yours was making my feet get a little itchy . " " Adventure , " Lucinda muttered . " I 'll take a nap in the sun over adventure any day . " Bailey barely heard her . Even the monster bulldozer 's growl behind him didn 't sound so loud anymore . He was hearing the hum inside him again . " This way , " he said . He headed off down the street , all of the sudden feeling so free that his feet barely skimmed the walk and his tail swooshed back and forth . " What 's the matter with you ? " Lucinda hissed as she dodged his tail . " I feel good . Really good . " He paused a second to figure out why . " Because I don 't have to drag that nasty leash along with me now . " " But you lost your collar too . Makes us look homeless for sure . " Skelley spoke up . " Don 't ye be worrying , Miss Lucinda . The lad and will see to it that no harm comes to you . " " Humph . " Lucinda snorted . " The lad does well to keep from tripping over his own feet . " " Aye , there could be truth to that , " the old dog admitted . " But he did stop the bulldozer before it knocked the house down on us . " Bailey 's feet felt even lighter until he was almost floating at the old dog 's praise . Lucinda brought him back to earth . " Then the bulldozer stopped him . " Even with their roar , the cars weren 't so scary to Bailey now . After all , he 'd faced down with a bulldozer monster . When one zoomed up close to them , he stood his ground and barked to warn it away . " They aren 't so big . " Bailey looked around at Lucinda and Skelley when it honked and then went on past . " Not like that bulldozer . " " True enough , lad . " Skelley bumped Bailey 's side with his head to push him back from the road . " That bulldozer was a mighty masher , but these others have plenty of mashing power of their own . Besides , they 're speedier than the bulldozer . It 's best we don 't tangle with either one . " She walked away , her tail high in the air . Bailey and Skelley followed her . They walked and walked until their feet were sore . Here and there they knocked over a trashcan to find a bite or two of food . At last they came to a park with a big pond of water and nice big boulders around it . Lucinda stretched out on top of the rocks in the sun and went right to sleep while Bailey and Skelley settled down in the shade below her . Skelley said if they kept going the way Bailey pointed , they would run into some big highways with rivers of cars . " Best to wait for the dark of night to try crossing them . While they never really stop , the car rivers slow some at night . Makes crossing a bit safer . " " Are we safe here ? " The high pitched scream of one of those cars with flashing lights sounded nearby . Skelley looked around . " A dog on his own is never entirely safe , but it appears nobody much is around to take notice of us . So we should be fine for a spell . " Bailey rested his head on his paw . His neck still hurt , but he guessed it was good he had a neck to hurt after the tussle with the bulldozer . To keep from thinking about his neck or how far they still needed to go , Bailey looked at the old dog and asked , " Have you been on your own a long time , Skelley ? " " For a truth , I miss me master . " Skelley sighed . " But I have me memories of him and I 've made my way . " The old dog laid his paw gently on the painted stick . " Ye could call it that , I suppose . Me master used it when we were out in the ring doing our tricks . He 'd tap it on the hoops I was to jump through or point it toward me when I 'd done a trick so the folks would clap . " The old dog 's eyes got a dreamy , faraway look . " That they did , Bailey lad . That they did . Folks are different when they come to the circus . Ready to laugh and have fun . For a truth the circus is a fine place when the show is going on . " " That and more . Clowns that made the little tykes laugh and lions that made them gasp . The Martino family flew through the air on trapezes and leaped from one to another . Our elephant , Anne Marie was her name . She could balance on one foot and stand on her head . Aye , it was grand , it was . " Lucinda raised her head up to look down at him . " What trick would you do ? You remember when Reid tried to get us to do that awful trick after he 'd been to the circus . " Lucinda shuddered . " You couldn 't even make two circles with me on your back without falling on your face . " " Miss Lucinda has a point . A dog has to know some tricks to be in a circus . All the animals do . Even the lions and tigers jumped through hoops and sat on stools . Snarling to be sure , but they did it . Very exciting it was too . " " I 'm not too good at tricks . " Bailey thought about the plastic toy that he could fetch and brightened . " But I can make people laugh . I could be a clown dog . " " That I can believe . " Lucinda snorted and lay her head back down on the rock . " But if you 're going to join a circus , tell me now so I can head back to the Robinsons ' house . " " Do you want to go back , Lucinda ? " Bailey sat up and waited for her to open her eyes . " If you do , maybe you should go now . Because we 're not going to get there before night again . I think it 's still a long way to wherever Reid is . " Lucinda opened her left eye . " I said I 'd go with you to find Reid . But I 'm not joining up with any circus where I have to ride on your back and act like an idiot . " " Skelley and I were just talking about the circus . I wasn 't going to join one . " Bailey tilted his head a little and added . " Unless Reid did . Do you think he might have joined a circus ? " Bailey settled down and tried to sleep , but either the bulldozer monster was rumbling toward him or he was tumbling through hoops with cheers echoing in his ears . Finally he put his paw over his head and blocked out everything but the hum . The hum and Reid . At last he dozed off . When Skelley nudged him awake , it was near dark . They nosed around the park and found a sack with some crusts of bread and a hot dog . By the time they got to the big road , it was very late . Cars zoomed first one direction , then the other . Their lights made flashing trails in the dark . Bailey felt a little shaky inside . " There 's still a lot of them . " " Aye , that there is . " Skelley 's head turned back and forth watching the cars . " For a truth , we 'll have to pick our times and be mighty careful , but if we want to get to another state we have to go across this road . " " What 's over there on the other side ? " Bailey peered across the road . He couldn 't see any lights past the cars . " Can 't say for sure . Never actually been across this road before , but looks to be country , pure and simple . Nothing that looks like a town , " Skelley said . " What about you , Miss Lucinda ? You know about the far lands ? " " Country , " Bailey said . " I met a dog once who was from the country . He was forever talking about how great it was to run in the fields chasing rabbits . He wasn 't happy his people moved to the city . " " I suppose country suits some well enough , " Skelley said . " But there be no trashcans and but few houses . I 've even heard tell of strange animals that don 't take kindly to them who cross their paths . " " I can 't believe our people would live in that kind of place . " Lucinda looked at Bailey . " Are you sure your bug is pointing you in the right direction ? " All of the sudden , Bailey wavered . The land on the other side of the road was dark . He 'd never seen dark like that . It was easy to imagine those strange animals lurking behind trees waiting to jump out at them with gnashing teeth . Something maybe worse than the lions and tigers Skelley knew in the circus . Bailey 's feet were sore and his neck hurt . He wanted a full bowl of crunchy dog food instead of bits of bread and nearly empty cans to lick . Over there in the dark country , there might not even be that to eat . His stomach growled and he sat down to think things through . Skelley sat down beside him . " Never a mistake to mull things over a bit . Me master used to say it wasn 't any good rushing into things . That has to be especially true with that thing is crossing a river of cars . " He sort of wished he was curled up on his bed there too as the cars swooshed past , their wind ruffling his ears . A great huge truck , bigger even than the bulldozer monster , lumbered over the hill . The ground shook under Bailey as it barreled past . He could never stop one of those . He stood up and gave a shake like he 'd just had a bath . All of the sudden , the hum that he hadn 't been able to hear while he thought about the dark began sounding in his ears louder than ever . His feet tingled and his heart bounced around inside his chest the way it did when Reid called him . He couldn 't stop now . Even if he had to go into the dark far lands by himself . Bailey ignored the dark on the far side of the roads . Instead he watched the river of cars . There were two stretches of blacktop . On the side nearest them , the cars always came over a hill and down toward them . On the other side , the cars ' lights seemed to appear from out of nowhere as they raced each other up the hill without slowing a bit . They never changed directions . Never . Best of all , what looked like a narrow park with grass and bushes was smack in the middle of the two roads . They could hide out there for a while to gather courage to chase across the other road into the darkness beyond . Bailey stood up . " If we watch the top of that hill over there and wait until it 's very dark with no lights coming , we can make it to the middle . " Bailey pointed with his nose toward the hill . " That we can , lad . Easy as jumping through hoops . " Skelley flashed a grin , then picked up his baton to trot toward the road . Lucinda stayed where she was , staring at the road and beyond . " Are you too afraid to try it , Lucinda ? " Bailey asked . " It 's good when you think . " Bailey lowered his back haunches to the ground . " Let me know when you 're through . " " Dogs ! " Lucinda turned to glare at him . Her eyes glowed green in the lights of a car flying down the hill toward where they sat . After the car passed , she stood up , her tail straight up in the air . Then as if to convince herself to move toward the road , she said , " I suppose there will be sunshine in the morning wherever I am . " " Indeed , Miss Lucinda , " Skelley called to her over his shoulder . " They say there 's worlds of sunshine in the country . For a truth , I 've been many a place , but I 've never been anywhere that didn 't have its fair share of the sun 's light . " Chapter 9 When Bailey said go , they raced across the first road to the middle . There they sat a while gathering courage to challenge the second road . Cars whooshed by on both sides of them and it was easy to imagine being stuck there on that narrow strip of grass forever . Bailey stared toward where the lights always showed first on the road they still needed to cross . He could barely count to five from the time he saw the lights until they zoomed past . Would they be able to run fast enough ? " Well , are we going or not ? " Lucinda demanded . " Going . " Bailey stood up . No lights coming . " Now . " He ran as fast as he could across the hard blacktop . Skelley passed him before he got to the other side . Suddenly lights shone out and then a huge truck barreled down the road toward them . It blasted its horn when it caught them in its lights . The two dogs leaped into the ditch even though they were well off the road . Lucinda stood her ground at the edge of the road and yowled at the truck . The sound was lost in the rush of its many wheels and the clatter of its trailer . She glared after it until the red lights on its back disappeared down the road . " Forget about him , Lucinda . " Bailey jumped out of the ditch with Skelley behind him . " He didn 't get us . We made it across . " " Across . " Lucinda looked back at the road . " Yes , we 're across . " She sounded very tired . " I guess we 'll have to go on now . " Without another word , she marched straight toward the thickest dark under the trees . Bailey looked back at the road too . Back that way were lights and houses and people . Not Reid , but other people who might feed them . While on this side of the road , there was nothing but dark . What if the hum in his ear was wrong ? He felt anything but sure as he followed Lucinda into the woods with his tail dragging the ground . All of the sudden , the road seemed easy compared to the spooky darkness under the trees . Even the big yellow bulldozer he 'd fought that morning didn 't seem so bad now when he thought about it . At least he could see it and know where it was . AnythBailey cowered against the ground as the bird 's talons skimmed his back . Then as suddenly as it had appeared , the owl flapped away to a quieter perch in another tree . Barking , Bailey ran after the bird . That started the coyotes up again . Bailey jumped around in a circle trying to figure out which direction to chase after the noisy coyotes , but their barks and yips seemed to be coming from every direction . " For mercy 's sake , Bailey , " Lucinda hissed from the tree over his head . " It was only an owl , and I told you owls don 't eat dogs . It was trying to scare you away . " " And those coyotes ? " Bailey stopped hopping in circles . " They mostly don 't bother dogs like you either . I told you nothing normal eats dogs . " Lucinda emphasized the word normal . " Now go to sleep . " " Miss Lucinda is right , Bailey me lad , " Skelley said . " We need our sleep for the journey tomorrow . " The old dog promptly curled up in the hole he 'd dug out next to the tree trunk . Bailey stayed on his feet , studying the shifting shadows long after the coyotes fell silent once more . He had the feeling eyes were watching him even though he couldn 't see anything . Great saucer eyes . If only he could climb up in the tree with Lucinda . He wanted to bark again . That was what he always did when he didn 't know what else to do , but Lucinda would yowl at him if he woke her up . So instead of barking , he growled real low to let anything that might be out there in the dark know that he wasn 't a dog to be messed with . Hadn 't he stopped a monster bulldozer ? Hadn 't he crossed the river of car without getting mashed ? He could fight off a few coyotes and an owl . He could . He kept his growl rumbling down in his chest for a long time until his feet began to hurt . At last , still watching on every side , he eased over to where Skelley , his nose on his baton , was sound asleep . Bailey eased down close beside the bony dog , but he kept his eyes open until they burned . He spotted mice creeping from the cover of one leaf or bush to another . A gray ball of an animal with a skinny tail trunChapter 10 The country went on and on . During the day , they walked until their feet hurt , then napped in the sun . At night , they stopped wherever Lucinda found a tree with good limbs for sleeping because the coyotes made her nervous . When a noise did wake him , he blinked open his eyes , sniffed the air and tried to sort out what made the noise . They had been in the woods a couple of nights when Bailey decided silence was the noise to worry about the most . As long as the frogs and bugs kept singing , everything was the way it was supposed to be . When they fell silent , that 's when Bailey got up , a growl deep in his throat , just in case something was out there in the dark . When Skelley caught his breath , he stood up and shook his skin back in place over his bones . " I 'll take an elephant any day . Ye can reason with " I don 't know why any of us are going on . " Lucinda sounded cross . " We 've gone miles and miles and what have we found ? Cows and coyotes . Dirt and thorns . " She licked one of her sore feet . new house would be just on the other side . But then there would be another hill . He looked across the field to where the trees met the sky . " He 's not doing that . " Skelley took up for Bailey . " We 've been heading toward the sunrise every day . Never the sunset . We 're keeping a straight line , for a truth . " Bailey shook the hair out of his eyes and looked Skelley gratefully . The old dog 's bones were sticking out on his sides , but he never complained even when they had to go all day with nothing but grasshoppers to eat . " I 'm sorry , Lucinda , " Bailey said . " I didn 't think it would take so long to find Reid . " He looked over at the old dog . " And you too , Skelley . If it weren 't for me you 'd be in the city where you could find lots of food in trashcans . " " Some adventure . " Lucinda snorted and stood up . " Whatever it is , we best be getting on with it . Which way does your bug say go now ? " So Bailey led the way past the cows , under a fence and across the way to another tree covered hill . He could hear the hum just fine , but for the first time he wasn 't sure it was going to lead him to Reid . Bailey was tired and hungry . Especially hungry . " You know once when I was in the circus , they lost an elephant . Can ye imagine that ? Losing an elephant . Of course , it was dark when Anne Marie went missing . Night isn 't the best time for searching for elephants , being as how they are gray and all . Be that as it may , we poked around in folks ' backyards and such for hours . Then , come morning , there she was waiting by her truck . Claimed to have been there the whole time , but we figured she wasn 't telling everything about her escapade . " Bailey liked Skelley 's circus stories , but this time he couldn 't keep his mind from wandering off to think about how many more hills , how many more nights of coyotes howling , how many more days trying to nose out something to eat until they would find Reid . Bailey shut his eyes for a minute so could think about Reid . And there his boy was , laughing and throwing the plastic toy . Bailey shut his eyes tighter to see Reid better . Bailey opened his eyes , but not quick enough to keep from banging into a tree . He bounced back on his haunches . " Be ye all right , lad ? " Skelley looked at him with worried eyes . " What happened ? " Bailey 's head was spinning . " You ran into a tree . " Lucinda jumped up on a branch above him . She had no sympathy for his head at all . Bailey looked up and saw two black cats on limbs that wavered and shook . He tried to stand up , but that made everything shimmer and shake even more . He sank back on his haunches and shook his head until his ears flapped . Skelley leaned over to sniff Bailey . Bailey saw two noses and four black eyes . It was too much . He lay down and put his paw over his eyes . " I think the lad has hurt himself . " Skelley touched Bailey 's back with his nose . " He 's knocked himself silly , " Lucinda said . " And what are we supposed to do now ? Out here heaven only knows where . " " Could be the lad merely needs a minute or so to come to his senses . " " He does 't have a lot of sense to come to . " Lucinda let out a sigh . " I guess I don 't either or I wouldn 't be out here with him in the middle of nowhere . " " Now , now , Miss Lucinda . Ye did what any true friend would do . The lad needed you along . He needs the both of us . " " And I need a saucer of milk . And you need a truckload of food . " " I 've always been on the lean side . " Skelley sat down beside Bailey . " That 's how I got me name , you know . Skeleton , it is , but me master shortened it to Skelley . I always favored that name best . " " Being bony doesn 't mean you don 't get hungry , " Lucinda said . Bailey wished she wouldn 't talk about being hungry . It was making his stomach rumble and he was having enough trouble trying to keep his head from floating clear away . Even with his eyes tight shut , the ground was rocking under him . Not only that , but Lucinda and Skelley sounded faraway even though he knew they were right beside him . Skelley was still trying to reassure Lucinda . " Don 't be worrying , Miss Lucinda . I mind the time I fell off old Asaph one night . Knocked me out cold for a bit , and theJust then thunder rumbled in the distance . Bailey 's head came up , and his tail almost flopped back and forth . He never heard the hum when it was thundering . So if Lucinda opened up her eyes and noticed a tree she 'd already seen , he 'd have an excuse . He could say it was because of the thunder . " I am . Inside . " Bailey wrapped his tail up around his body and put his paw on the end of it . He did his best to look afraid even though for some some reason the thunder was just bouncing off his ears without bothering him at all . " The lad could have a sore head for sure . " Skelley looked at Lucinda and Bailey , then back at the sky . " But I think we best hunt some cover . These clouds put me in mind of a storm once that near blew away the whole circus . Folks were already in the bleachers and the clowns were peddling their balloons and such , but all the while me master kept going out of the tent and muttering up at the sky . He tried to get the ringmaster to call off the show , but he wouldn 't . Then the wind picked up the tent and carried it clear away . People scattered pretty quick then . " Overhead the trees bent over in the wind and the thunder let loose a great clap that didn 't bounce off Bailey 's ears this time . His tail jerked away from his paw and hid between his legs . The first raindrops banged against the leaves above them and worked down through the limbs to bounce off the ground . Not raindrops at all , but bits of ice . Skelley held his head over Lucinda to shield her . Lucinda yowled and took off as another tree crashed down . The hail changed to raindrops that hit almost as hard as the ice had . Skelley and Bailey chased after Lucinda . Reid used to tell him that the thunder was only noise and couldn 't hurt him , but these trees falling could hurt him for sure . For the first time since he 'd run away from Mr . Robinson , Bailey wished he was back there under the bed where it would be warm and dark . It would be better to be under Reid 's bed but with the hum gone , Bailey didn 't know if he 'd ever be safe under Reid 's bed again . The storm didn 't seem so loud inside . Bailey shook the rain of his fur and felt better . While the roof didn 't hold out all the rain , there were dry spots between the leaks . " A fine barn it is . " Skelley dug a hole in a pile of moldy smelling hay . " For a truth , we 'll be safe and dry in here till the blow is over . " He picked up his stick and place it close enough to touch with his nose , then curled up in the hay . " Safe , " Lucinda muttered . " We 're wet and cold . There 's not so much as a mouse to be seen and I smell coyotes . " She climbed up a pole to perch on a brace up in the barn . Every few minutes she growled as she licked the rain off her fur . Bailey pulled his tongue all the way into his mouth to sniff the air in the barn . Coyotes had been there , but not for a while . He told Lucinda that and then added , " And I do smell mice . " With that she climbed higher in the barn . Bailey sniffed around in the hay , but he couldn 't concentrate on the smells . He wasn 't any good at catching mice anyway . He couldn 't creep up on them the way Lucinda could even when the thunder wasn 't making his legs all trembly . Bailey looked up at Lucinda , but she was hunched in a ball with her eyes closed . Maybe sleeping would make her feel better and then she could catch some mice . Bailey scratched out a hole in the hay close to Skelley . The old dog was already asleep with his nose on the painted stick . Bailey lay down with his head on his paws . He wished he had the plastic toy with him . That might help him hear the hum again . But Bailey couldn 't sleep . So instead he tried to work the cockleburs out of his fur . Still , he was sort of glad he had the cockleburs to pull and bite on . And when he finished with them , he could worry with the thorn in his foot . That might keep him from thinking about how hungry he was or how the hum wasn 't humming in his ears . Maybe the hum hadn 't really left him . Maybe it was just the noise of the rain and the roar of the stream racing by outside that was keeping him from hearing it . The thunder was fading away , but the rain beat down harder than ever . Even if the hum didn 't come back , he could just keep walking toward the sunrise . He wouldn 't have to tell Lucinda . Sooner or later they would have gone enough miles and Reid would be there waiting for them . With that thought , Bailey quit worrying the thorn in his foot and put his head back down on his paws . Water was seeping in around the edges of the barn to join with the rain leaking through the roof . But it was dry where he and Skelley were and very quiet other than the pounding rain . For a minute before Bailey closed his eyes , he wondered if it wasn 't too quiet . No birds . No owls . No raccoons . Nothing moving anywhere . Everything was probably just holed up sleeping through the storm the way they were . Chapter 12 Lucinda hissing jerked Bailey awake . Eyes were all around him and Skelley . Suspicious , glinting eyes . Hungry eyes . Coyotes . He shot a look up at Lucinda crouched on the rafter , her tail rigid and her fur spiked up . Bailey stared back at the coyotes . They were like certain dogs he 'd seen but leaner with a wild scent about that that made a growl want to rumble in his throat . Bailey mashed his mouth together to keep the growl inside . There were five of them , shifting first one way and then the other around Bailey and Skelley . They made no noise , at least none Bailey could hear over the rain beating against the barn and the roar of the stream outside . Water was running through the barn now . The only dry place was the hay pile where Bailey and Skelley were . Bailey slowly got to his feet . Skelley was already up , looking even more worried than when the monster bulldozer had pushed down his house . " The look in their eyes puts me in mind of a tiger I knew once , " Skelley whispered . " Always hungry , he was . " Bailey swallowed down the growl that kept wanting to climb up his throat . He flicked his tail back and forth and thought hard of something friendly to say . " We just came in to get out of the rain . We 'll be leaving soon . " He summoned up the nicest voice he could . The coyotes stared back at him . Two of them curled up their lips in a snarl . " I 'm not sure they speak our language , lad , " Skelley said . " I guess we should try looking friendly then . " " Me thinks in their eyes we look more like a meal . " " That can 't be true . " Bailey glanced over at Skelley . " Lucinda says nothing normal eats dogs . " " Are you so sure they 're normal ? " Skelley picked up his baton and clutched it tight between his teeth . He talked around it . " Me thinks we 'd best be making a break for it , lad . " " Listen to him , you lummox , " Lucinda hissed above Bailey . Bailey was listening , but he was also looking at the coyotes . Their legs were thin and long . Nothing at all like Bailey 's . They didn 't look like the kind of animals who would trip over their own feBailey had almost given up hope when Skelley 's head popped up out of the water in front of him . The old dog 's ear was bleeding , but his eyes were full of fire as if the fight with the coyotes had been the best adventure yet . The painted stick floated up beside him . Skelley caught it with his chin and pulled it back toward him . " My leap fell a bit short , Bailey me lad , but those old boys weren 't so tough . " Bailey felt like he 'd just been given a whole bag of dog food . He barked and jumped straight up , splashing water everywhere . " Stop that ! " Lucinda ordered . " You 're going to drown me . " The cat jumped away from Bailey to a different board . " The water 's getting deeper . " " Grab a board , lad . Best try to ride out this flood . Swimming will take too much out of you in this current . " Skelley clambered up on a board and balanced there easy as can be . Bailey tried to do the same , but the board tipped and dumped him back into the water . " Try to sit light in the middle , lad . " Skelley nudged the board back toward him . " You have to shift when the board shifts . " Shift the other way , lad . The other way . For a truth , you 'd have a hard time riding a pony . " Bailey tried to get on the plank again . He fell off again . He was so tired it all seemed like a dream . The flood . The barn breaking up and floating around him . The planks in the water . Skelley floating away from him . He couldn 't see Lucinda . His legs felt like wood . He couldn 't get up on the plank . He 'd just have to go wherever the water took him . His head went under . It was quieter under the water . Easier . But he needed air . He pushed up above the surface and Lucinda was right in front of him . Her green eyes were fierce . Bailey pushed up out of the water and got his front legs up over the plank . He didn 't try to stand up . Just hung on with his stomach on the board and his paws trailing along in the water . He didn 't dare fall off . Not with Lucinda glaring at him . " Way to go , lad . " Skelley shook his painted stick at Bailey . " There be more than one way to ride a pony , I 'm thinking . " Bailey clung to the board , panting . It wasn 't so bad floating along like that . He could move his paws a bit and guide himself through the water a bit . He 'd never had to ride out a flood before , but they were all still together even if Skelley did look a little worse for his fight with the coyotes . The old dog 's ear would have a new scar for sure . He caught his breath and paddled a little closer to Lucinda . " What are we going to do now ? " " Don 't ask me ! " Lucinda snapped . She was wet all over . " This is your adventure . You 're the one with the bug in your ear . " Chapter 13 Bailey was almost glad when what was left of the barn floating along with them banged into a tree and began crashing down around them . Dodging falling planks was easier than telling Lucinda the hum in his ear was gone . " Hang on , lad , " Skelley called over the crash of the water . " We 'll drift away from the mess of it in a minute . " Bailey clung to his board and stared over at Skelley balancing on his narrow plank . He was leaning this way and that guiding it through the debris . Lucinda floated along behind the old dog on her own plank . Her back was arched and her tail pointed straight up to get as far away from the water as she could . A pole rammed into Bailey 's board and knocked him into the water . He dog - paddled like mad to catch up with the plank , but it rushed away from him . Behind him more of the barn crashed down around Skelley and Lucinda . Skelley shifted away from the falling timbers , but a board slapped Lucinda off her perch . " Lucinda ! " Bailey pushed against the water trying to get to her . She wasn 't swimming . Her limp body bounced up and down in the water . Bailey paddled harder but the water pushed him the other way . " I 'll get her , lad . " Skelley jumped from plank to plank as though the boards were stepping stones . At last he floated on a board right beside Lucinda . The old dog hesitated as his mouth tightened on the painted stick . For a heartbeat , Bailey wasn 't sure Skelley would be able to choose Lucinda over the baton . At last he placed the stick on the plank and clamped his paw on top of it . Then he plucked Lucinda out of the water with his teeth . All was well for a moment , but when he lifted the cat up , her weight threw him a little off balance . The board shot out from under him . Skelley 's painted stick flew up in the air and splashed down into the water . Skelley watched it float away from him with large , sad eyes , but he kept his hold on the scruff of Lucinda 's neck . " I 'll get it , " Bailey shouted . With no sign of hearing him , Skelley turned and swam toward the creek bank . Bailey swam back an " What 's gone ? " Lucinda raised her head up to look at Skelley . Lucinda looked at the water again and then back at the old dog . " I 'm sorry about your baton , Skelley . " " Don 't fret yourself about it , Miss Lucinda . Twas silly me packing it here and there all this time anyway , but it somehow kept me master with me . " Lucinda moved over right in front of Skelley 's nose . " I thank you , Skelley , for pulling me out of the water . You 're a remarkable dog like none I 've every known before or ever expect to know in the future . " She touched his face with her paw . Lucinda noticed Bailey looking at the water . " Let 's get away from here . I hate water . Please tell me we 're on the right side of this river . " " Oh , the right side . Yes , the right side . " Bailey stood up , shook some more water out of his coat and started away from the stream . He had no idea which way to go for even though it had stopped raining at last the sun was hiding behind thick clouds . In fact , it looked near night . They needed a safe place to rest . Somewhere they didn 't have to worry about coyotes surrounding them . Someplace where he could get the water out of his ears so that maybe the hum would come back . Bailey stopped on a little rise . Ahead was a line of trees where there would be some bushes for him and Skelley to hide and trees for Lucinda to climb . Maybe they could find some acorns or berries or bugs to eat . He thought of rabbits , and his mouth started watering . He pushed the thought away . Even when his legs weren 't feeling so rubbery from swimming in the water , he couldn 't catch a rabbit without Skelley 's help . But Skelley trailed along behind them without seeming to care about catching rabbits or where the sun might be . In fact , he got so far behind that Lucinda and Bailey slowed way down to let him catch up . Finally Skelley stopped trying to keep up and lay down on the ground . " Me thinks the coyotes must have got hold me leg . It 's paining me some . The two of ye go on , and after I rest a bit , I 'll come along . " " Aye and it is a fine adventure , lad . I 'm not quitting it . I 'll be along as soon as me leg rests up a bit . " Lucinda let out a yowl and swatted Bailey . " Stop your nonsense about adventure . This isn 't an adventure . It 's a disaster , but it 's a disaster we 're all in together . And if you 're going to stay here , the two of us will stay right here with you . " Lucinda sat down beside Skelley and started licking the muddy water out of her coat . Lucinda looked up from licking her paw . " We fought the coyotes once . If they find us , we 'll just do it again . " She began washing herself again . A bit of the old glint flashed in Skelley 's eyes . " I guess you 've got me , Miss Lucinda . Ye know I can 't let you stay here in the open because for a truth , we may have fought the coyotes but we weren 't winning . " " By the skin of our teeth with a bushel load of luck . " Skelley clambered to his feet . " Could be , if we take it slow , I might make it to the trees after all . " It was full dark when they reached the trees , and once they 'd settled Skelley into a leafy bed , Lucinda went hunting . She disappeared almost immediately into the night . How many other things were stalking unseen in the darkness ? " Aye , the music . Ye know I could always hear that music and fine music it was . Circus music . No matter what else happened , no matter whether there was food or not , I heard the music and was ready for the show to go on . " Skelley raised his head to stare out into the night as if listening for a new burst of music . For a moment he even stopped shaking . But then he dropped his head back down on his paws and his old bones began quaking again . " I hope so , lad . " Skelley didn 't sound as if he thought it possible . " I don 't think I can go on with the adventure without the music . " Bailey shifted uneasily as though he 'd just felt a rock under him . Talking about Skelley 's music reminded him that he still couldn 't hear the hum . The water was out of his ears . The storm was long gone but no hum was vibrating inside his head . " Aye , lad . it 's in the east , but I need some sign of it shining to point the way . " He looked up at the sky . " Me master could do it , night or day . He knew the stars that pointed the way , but I never could make out which ones he said mattered the most . " The night was suddenly so silent that Bailey wanted to jump up and bark just so there would be some noise somewhere . But he made himself lay still . If Lucinda heard him barking , she 'd run back to see what was wrong . Then what would he tell her ? Bailey perked up his ears and started to pretend . But what good would that do ? He dropped his nose down on Skelley 's bony back . " I 'm afraid so . It wasn 't a bug . It was a hum right in the middle of my head . Now it 's gone . " Chapter 14 Bailey practiced how he might tell Lucinda about the hum while he waited for her to come back from hunting . Maybe he could simply say the bug crawled out of his ear . That could happen , couldn 't it ? He would scrunch down on his belly and tell her how sorry he was for getting her out here in the middle of nowhere . He 'd beg her to pounce on him , bite his ears , scratch his nose or do whatever she wanted to if it made her feel better . He deserved it leading her out here where she had to hunt mice and climb trees to get away from coyotes . He aimed to just blurt it out the minute she came back , but when she stepped out of the night in front of him , he lost his courage . Instead , he shut his eyes and pretended to be asleep . Too asleep to even notice when she put a mouse down right in front of his nose . The next morning , the mouse was still there . Bailey tried to give it to Skelley , but the old dog shook his head and told Bailey to eat it . So he gobbled it down . It wasn 't much but it was something . Would he ever see a full food dish again ? Maybe he would be like Skelley and spend all his time raiding garbage cans and saving bones that didn 't have even one good chew left on them . How would he look with bones sticking out in angles like Skelley 's ? Bones were already in plain sight on his sides in spite of the way his hair had gotten bushy with nobody to trim it off . He was a funny mud color too and didn 't look much like the dog that had run away from Mr . Robinson . He didn 't feel much like that dog either . That dog didn 't think of much other than food dishes and fetching for Reid . This dog he was now had to worry about getting Lucinda and Skelley lost or worse and whether he 'd ever see Reid again . Lucinda hopped down out of the tree . " Time to be on our way . " Thick fog hid everything except the trunks of the trees nearest them . No hint of the sun pushed through it . He couldn 't go without seeing which way the sun was shining . " Maybe we should let Skelley rest a while longer . So his leg can get better . " The sun would The old dog 's words echoed in Bailey 's ears long after the fog closed off any sight of him and Lucinda . Bailey had never felt so alone . He couldn 't hear his hum . He couldn 't hear any kind of bug . No bird either . The fog kept closing in on him . When he spotted a smooth round rock that reminded him of his plastic toy , he stopped to rest his chin on it . Maybe that would help the hum come back . It didn 't . After a while , he got up and walked some more . The fog was beginning to lift when he saw that same smooth round rock . He tried to tell himself it was another rock . Just one that looked like the first one , but then he spotted his paw prints in the soft dirt around the rock . He was going in circles . He might keep going in circles all day and all night . Forever . With Lucinda back there somewhere in the fog waiting for him to bring Reid back . He couldn 't do that . With his nose to the ground , Bailey tracked his way back through the fog to Lucinda and Skelley . When Bailey bushed back through the brush to where they were waiting , Skelley looked up . " I knew ye 'd find the courage to do what you must . " Lucinda was asleep after her night of hunting . Bailey sat down beside her to wait until she opened her eyes . Skelley limped over to poke his nose against Bailey 's side . " Best go on and wake her , lad . " " She gets mad if I wake her up . " " It 'll be okay . She 'll understand . " Bailey gave Skelley a look . He really didn 't know Lucinda very well . She wasn 't going to understand at all . Not at all . But it had to be done . Might as well get it over with . " Lucinda , " he whispered . Then he tried a little louder . " Lucinda , wake up . I have to tell you something . " Lucinda opened one eye , saw Bailey and opened her other eye . " Where 's Reid ? " " I didn 't find Reid . " Bailey hesitated and Skelley poked him with his nose again . " I don 't think I can find Reid . " Lucinda raised her head and glared at him . " Go on . " " I don 't hear the hum anymore . " Bailey pushed his words out in a rush . " I 'm lost . We 're all lost and I can 't do anything about it . " He winced wait " But , " Bailey started . Lucinda swatted him with her paw . " Don 't say you don 't . You do . You know in your heart , and that knowing was what put the bug in your ear . If you listen , really listen with your heart , you 'll hear it again . " Lucinda flipped away from Bailey and found a shaft of sunlight pushing through the fog . Without so much as a glance back at Bailey , she began to wash her face . Bailey stayed stuck in his spot . He didn 't know what to do . Skelley spoke up . " Ye know , lad , me thinks Miss Lucinda could be right . " " Lucinda 's always right . " Bailey raised up to look over at her . Lucinda paused in licking her paw and stared straight at him . Then she went back to work on her face . " Aye , she 's a smart cat for sure and right as rain on this . For a truth , the tree might have knocked the bug , the hum , whatever it was out of your ears , but it 's still there in your heart . It would take more than a bump into a tree to knock it out of there . " " But I can 't hear it anymore . " " Are ye sure you 're listening hard enough , lad ? With all your heart and soul ? " Skelley hobbled away to find another spot of sun spreading out on the ground . Bailey was left sitting in the fog alone . The fog wasn 't just outside him but inside too . Bailey stared at Lucinda washing in the sun and Skelley curled tight in his bit of sunshine but shivering as always . They thought he could do it . They really did . So he would have to try . Again . Bailey blew out a breath that stirred the fog in front of his nose and headed back out into the trees . The sun beat back the fog until only fingers of it remained . Bailey spotted birds flying from tree to tree . They were singing and why not ? They weren 't lost . A squirrel set up a chattering fuss when Bailey passed under his tree . Off somewhere Bailey couldn 't see , crows cawed . He was listening so hard , he could even hear bugs crawling and hopping through the ground leaves . He could hear everything but what he most wanted to hear . The hum . He tried to imagine he heard it . That didn 't help . So he listened even harder andCHAPTER 15 The next morning , the big yellow monster bus roared down the street and woke Bailey . That meant Reid would be shooting out the door and down the walk . The bus would stop , open its door and swallow Reid up . It would be hours before it brought Reid back . Bailing jumped up and shook to get ready . He had to keep Reid from being swallowed by the bus . Instead he had to get him to follow Bailey back to Skelley and Lucinda . Bailey 's throat got tight . The bus might be as hard to face down as the bulldozer . The monster bus was always blowing its horn if Reid was a second late coming out of the house . Bailey wouldn 't have but a couple of minutes before Reid disappeared into the bus . If only Lucinda was there to tell him what to do . She 'd know . Lucinda always knew . But she wasn 't there and the bus was getting closer . Bailey stared at the front door of the house , ready to charge in front of Reid when he came outside . Just the thought of seeing Reid again made Bailey 's tail do circles in spite of the bus coming . His tail lost its wag when the bus passed by the house without so much as slowing down . It didn 't even honk . Bailey stared at the door behind him . Was he at the wrong house , after all ? Bailey took a big sniff , and his tail started wagging again . Reid was there . He hadn 't come out the door , but he was there , somewhere inside . Bailey couldn 't wait a second longer . He banged his paws up against the door and barked for all he was worth . The door stayed closed . He ran around to the back of the house . That was how he had to go into the house . Through the back . He found the back door and jumped against it . He couldn 't quit barking . His ears were ringing . Bailey didn 't know the door was opening until Reid 's mother was there , staring at him . The sight of Mrs . Alexander made Bailey bark even louder . He whipped his tail back and forth and hopped around the porch . Reid 's mother didn 't look happy . She looked mad . She stepped out the door and smacked Bailey right in the face with a towel . " Get away from here , you mangy mu " This is not Bailey , " she said . " Look at him . He 's shaggy and a funny brown color and his ribs are showing . " Bailey stopped barking and fastened his eyes on Reid . Reid would know him . Reid had to know him . But Reid 's eyes were getting all watery as his mother went on . " You know that Bailey and Lucinda are with the Robinsons . Remember , we decided they had to stay there until we can get a fence built here to keep Bailey in . " Bailey 's tail sagged down to the ground when he heard Reid sigh . His boy said , " I know , but I wish this could be Bailey . Can 't we feed him something anyway ? He looks hungry . " " I don 't think we should feed a stray . Goodness knows what sort of fleas and such that dog might have . Now come along . You 'll be late for school . " Reid 's mother reached to open the door . Bailey heard keys rattling in her hand . They were going to get in the car and drive away . He had to do something . In desperation , he made a dive to catch Reid 's leg to stop him . Mrs . Alexander shrieked and jerked Reid into the house . " That dog tried to bite you . I 'm calling the dogcatcher . " Vicious ? She couldn 't be talking about him . Bailey wanted to bounce around some more , try one more time to get Reid to see it was really him , but the mouse Lucinda had brought him the morning before was nothing but a faint memory . He felt too tired to make his tail twitch . His head drooped almost the the ground . When Mrs . Alexander disappeared into the house , Reid slipped back outside . " Poor old dog , " he said . " I know you weren 't trying to bite me . You just wanted me to stay out here with you . " " You 're a nice old dog . " Reid stood up to go back in the house . " But we can 't keep you . Dad is going to build that fence so we can get Bailey and Lucinda again . Lucinda 's a cat and she doesn 't need fences but we couldn 't get her and not get Bailey too . That wouldn 't be fair . " Bailey listened . If only he knew what to do . But he 'd already barked until his throat hurt and done his silly stiff - legged jumping dance and gotten close enough for Reid to smell him . But Reid still didn 't know him . Before he shut the door , Reid said , " You better run away . Mama is talking to the dogcatcher . She doesn 't like dogs much . Not even Bailey . " Bailey wanted to tell Reid he wasn 't afraid of dogcatchers . He wanted to tell him that he 'd faced down monster bulldozers and coyotes and almost drowned and gone mile and miles without food to find Reid , but he couldn 't say any of that so Reid would understand . All he could do was look at Reid and whine and wish Lucinda was there to tell him what to try next . She would surely know some way to make Reid see that he was Bailey . Reid 's mother came back to the door with a piece of rope . " The dogcatcher says I should tie the animal to a post somewhere . " " Aw , Mama , you can 't just tie him up for the dogcatcher to get , " Reid said . " He 's a nice old dog . " " He tried to bite you , remember ? " Reid 's mother frowned . " And it 's the dogcatcher 's job to take care of strays and locate their owners or find them new homes . " " What if they don 't find his home ? " " I don 't know , but whatever it is , the old thing will be better off . Just look at him . " Mrs . Alexander pointed toward Bailey . Bailey flapped his tail back and forth but without much energy . He wanted to look like a dog she could like even if he couldn 't look like the old Bailey she knew . But his eyes caught on the rope in her hands and he remembered the awful leash that had tried to yank him under the monster bulldozer . Bailey 's neck began to burn , his ears drooped , and his tail didn 't have a wag left in it . Worse than all that was how a little growl gathered low in his throat as he looked at the rope . He tried to keep the growl inside where Mrs . Alexander couldn 't hear it , but the rope swung in front of his eyes . It taunted him . His growl got louder . Mrs . Alexander stepped back . Bailey knew it was wrong to growl . He knew they 'd never know he was Bailey if he growled , but the growl wouldn 't stop . It just keep rumbling out of him . He 'd come miles and miles . He hadn 't had a good meal for forever . He 'd crossed wide rivers of roads , dodged monster cars , and braved the unknown in the woods . And now Mrs . Alexander wanted to tie him up for the dogcatcher . That woke up the growl inside him . What would Lucinda tell him to do ? Stop growling for sure . She 'd probably swat his nose for good measure . Reid watched him from the door . His eyes were sad . Maybe because Bailey was growling . So Bailey swallowed his growl and wished he could think of what else to do . He couldn 't think of anything . Nothing at all . Except that he better not hang around and wait for the dogcatcher to get there . He wasn 't exactly sure what a dChapter 16 The sun was going down when at long last Bailey pushed through the bushes back to where Lucinda kept guard in a tree over where Skelley was sleeping . The cat looked down at Bailey from her perch and then beyond him to where no Reid was following . Bailey placed the scraps he 'd found on the ground . " I brought some food . " Skelley woke and raised his head to look at the meat . " That was good of ye , lad . " The old dog 's head wobbled a bit before he dropped it back down on his paws . " I 'm sure I 'll feel like a bite of two later . " Lucinda pounced down out of the tree and landed inches from Bailey 's nose . " You didn 't find him . " " I did find him . " Bailey scooted back a couple of steps . " It 's not far from here . A town . Lots of trashcans . " Bailey nudged the scraps toward Lucinda . The cat didn 't even give it a sniff . " Then where is he ? You were supposed to bring him back with you . " " I tried . " Bailey felt like a ball losing its air . His tail and ears were dragging the ground , but even worse , his heart had lost hope . " You tried ? " Lucinda looked ready to spring at something . " They didn 't know me . Reid fed me his sandwich and rubbed my head but didn 't know who I was . " Lucinda stared at him for a few seconds and Skelley raised up his head again to listen . Finally Lucinda asked , " Did you do your silly hopping dance ? " " I tried everything . I hopped and bounced and jumped and barked . I even licked Reid 's face , but it didn 't help . Reid said I sounded like Bailey , that I ate like him . But I didn 't look like him . Too skinny and not even the same color as his Bailey . " Lucinda twisted her head this way and then that as if to get a better look at Bailey . Her eyes were glittering strangely in the dimming light as night was creeping closer . Skelley was staring at him too . For a few seconds , Bailey was fearful they were were going to decide he really wasn 't Bailey too . Skelley spoke up first . " For a truth , lad , ye don 't look the way ye did when I first laid eyes on you behind that trash bin . We 've had a lot of adventures between then aBailey 's tail stopped dead , and his heart sank even lower than it already was . All the way back through the woods and across the fields , Bailey had been sure Lucinda would know what to do next . But now he saw his own lost feeling reflected back to him from her eyes . They 'd come miles and miles . He 'd found Reid . That should have been enough . When he couldn 't stand her silence a second longer , he said , " You could go . They 'd know you . Your fur 's always short and black . " " There are probably hundreds of cats in that town . Half of them black like me . " Lucinda sounded very , very tired . " I 'd know you from any of those other cats , " Bailey said . " Of course you would . " Lucinda 's voice rose . She sounded cross the way she used to sound when he did something to accidentally wake her when she was napping in the sun . " But people don 't look with their noses like you . They 'd think I was a stray . I would be a stray . " " That 's what they thought I was . Mrs . Alexander even called the dogcatcher , but I took off before he got there . But they don 't call the dogcatcher for cats , do that ? " " For a truth , lad , sometimes they do . " Skelley spoke up . " I knew a cat once . Never bothered a soul . Lived off what he caught . Jock did love to hear my circus stories , but one day the dogcatcher caught him in a net and carted him off . " That wasn 't a story Bailey wanted to hear . " We 've got to do something . " He looked at Lucinda . The cat was no longer looking at him . She seemed to be seeing something far away . All of the sudden , she let out a terrible yowl . Bailey thought she might be remembering saucers of food and windows full of sunshine . " Reid 's got a porch with a railing . That will be a great place for you to lie in the sun . " Bailey wanted her to feel better . Lucinda let out an even louder yowl . She had never yowled like that before . Never . He wanted to put his paws over his ears . He didn 't want to hear what her yowls were telling him , but he couldn 't block it out . It was hopeless . They would never have a family again . They would be strays forever , raid " For a truth , I 'm surprised at the both of you . " Skelley lifted his head to stare at them . " After all the three of us have come through , ye let one minor discouragement get you down . " " Folks have their shortcomings , for a truth . Even me own master had a few . Ye just have to come up with a way to get your boy to open his eyes " Do a trick only ye would know to do . Something he taught you . In the circus , we each had our own special trick that nobody else did . Signature tricks me master called them . Me , I walked on me front paws , easy as pie . Always made the children laugh . " The tip of Lucinda 's tail stopped twitching angrily . Now her whole tail swayed back and forth . " You could be right , Skelley , " she said after a minute . " All may not be totally lost . " head up for another moment to stare at Bailey . " Ye do know a trick , lad . Ye told me about it yourself . How your young master taught you the circus trick where Miss Lucinda rode on your back . " At the sound of hope in Lucinda 's voice , Bailey 's tail started swishing through the leaves again . For a few seconds , he thought about how she 'd stayed up on the top bookshelf for hours after they tried the trick , but decided against mentioning that . Instead , he started to thank Bailey crept over beside him , but Skelley still didn 't open his eyes . " But you have to go with us . We can 't leave you here . " " For a truth , I 'd like that . Even without me master 's baton . " Skelley raised his head a bit to look at her . " But this adventure is over for me . I 'm ready to start a new one . " " The two of ye aren 't ready for this adventure , Bailey me lad . " Skelley raised his head up and his ears perked up . " Do ye hear the music ? " Skelley wobbled his head back and forth as though keeping time with some tune and got a dreamy look in his eyes . " Tis our coming on song . I 'll be having to go . I see my master waving me on . " The old dog laid his head on his paws and closed his eyes . He looked to be asleep , but his bones weren 't trembling the way they usually did when he slept . His chest was too still . Bailey gently nudged Skelley with his nose , but the old dog took no notice . Lucinda swiped at Bailey to make him back away . Then she leaned down and washed the old dog 's face with her tongue . Bailey raised his nose to the sky and howled once , long and sad . Then he rested his nose lightly on Skelley 's back . For just a second , he thought he heard circus music . Bailey shut his eyes and there was Skelley . He looked young as he ran out to jump through the hoops his master held while a host of children laughed and clapped . They kept vigil over Skelley 's body all night long . They couldn 't let the coyotes have him . So , at first light , Bailey dug a hole in the soft ground . Then with care he scooted Skelley into the hole . Lucinda helped him push the dirt in on top of the old dog . Then she found a yellow flower and laid it on top the dirt . Bailey found a stick to put there too . It wasn 't Skelley 's painted stick , but it was the best he could do . Then they sat there for a long moment before Lucinda said , " I 'll miss the old dog . Skelley wasn 't like most . " Bailey stared at the grave . He didn 't feel like talking . He did feel like howling , but Skelley wouldn 't want him to howl . So instead he thought about the first time he saw him half in and half out of that big Was Bailey ready for whatever happened next ? He looked over at Lucinda who had started washing her paws . But then she stopped and just sat there with her eyes shut . He tried to wait until she said something else , but he couldn 't . He had to know . " Do you think we can do it ? " he asked . So they started off , leaving Skelley behind , but somehow taking him with them too . He seemed to be running along beside them with more energy than he 'd ever had and whispering in Bailey 's ear that he could do it . By the time they left the woods behind and began across the open fields toward the town , he was beginning to think maybe they could . at a little creek . He stared at the water to see if he could see Skelley 's reflection . " Why are you staring at the water ? " Lucinda asked . " Of course not . " But Lucinda wouldn 't meet his eyes and her tail gave an extra twitch . So he knew she did even if she wouldn 't admit it . It was almost suppertime when they got to the town . They stopped behind some bushes so that Lucinda could do a complete head to tail wash before they went on to Reid 's house . Bailey rested his head on his paws and watched her . When she had finished washing to the very tip of her tail , he asked , " What if doing the trick doesn 't work ? What if Reid still doesn 't know me ? " " It will work , " Lucinda said , but she still didn 't look at him . " Come on . " Bailey stood up . " Do you know how circus music sounds ? " " I think it has to be happy music . " " He did . " Lucinda looked up at the sky a moment . " He would say it 's music that makes a circus dog step high and do his best tricks . " Then Bailey scrambled off the porch and let Lucinda climb up on his back . He tried to imagine circus music as he very carefully placed each foot just so and trotted in a circle . On his back , Lucinda swayed first one way and then another but she didn 't fall off . The door slammed open , and Reid was on the porch with his mother and father . " Look , Daddy , it is that dog , and he 's got a black cat with him that looks just like Lucinda . And wow , they 're doing that trick I tried to teach them after we went to the circus last year . " He started jumping Reid grabbed for her but she nimbly stepped out of his reach and headed for the porch steps to follow Mrs . Alexander into the house . Bailey didn 't care . That meant he got twice as much petting . It was good to finally be home , and as he licked Reid 's face again , he wondered if that was how Skelley felt . Somewhere inside his head , Bailey thought he heard music again and this time he had no doubt that it was circus music . Skelley 's circus music . Lucinda liked to curl up on the porch railing in the afternoon , and sometimes she purred in her sleep . Bailey had endured a bath and being clipped . Now he looked like the old Bailey except for the bones that still showed along his sides . But he was working on that every chance he Reid even got him another plastic toy . One afternoon while Lucinda napped on the railing , Reid threw it for Bailey . As Bailey chased it down and stopped its roll , he realized exactly how the trick was supposed to be done . He was supposed to take the toy back to Reid . Bailey picked it up and started toward Reid , but then he stopped . He lay " You silly old dog . " Reid laughed as he jerked on the toy . " Aren 't you ever going to learn how to do this trick the right way ? " Bailey let him have the toy . When he stood up , he saw Lucinda watching him . Slowly , she closed one eye , and Bailey 's heart swelled up a sunlight . Reid was still laughing as he got ready to toss the plastic toy again . Bailey wagged his tail and waited . From somewhere inside him where Skelley would always live , he heard the old dog say , " Ye did just the right thing , lad . For a truth , we have to keep our masters happy . " sharon mDecember 23 , 2014 at 12 : 04 AMThanks for the story . Merry Christmas ! Sm . wileygreen1 ( at ) yahoo ( dot ) comReplyDeleteRepliesAnonymousDecember 30 , 2014 at 12 : 34 PMOh , it 's so fun to share Bailey 's story with you , Sharon . I think I need to make more happen , but I 'm learning as I go . JocieDeleteReplyAdd commentLoad more . . . |
My extended family meets together on Christmas Eve at " the farm " , which is the area where two of my brothers , my dad and his wife and my uncle and aunt live and where my grandparents used to live before they passed away . It takes us about an hour and fifteen minutes to drive there from where we live . There are other family members who live further away , however they were all staying with relatives nearby so we had the furthest drive on Christmas Eve this year . We had planned our get together for around noon time however , after listening to the weather forecast multiple times , I started calling family members first thing on Christmas Eve morning , asking if we might move up our start time to around 10ish . Fortunately we were able to contact everyone and make it work out because the bad weather was going to moving into our area sometime between noon and 3ish , according to the forecast . The day before Christmas Eve , we were enjoying 60 degree weather : ) . Huge change from one day to the next . We had a wonderful time seeing the whole family , enjoying the holiday feast that my sister and others put together . My sister always makes her homemade lasagna and it is absolutely awesome . One of the nieces read the accounting of the birth of Christ from the Bible and then it was time to open the gifts . Everyone enjoyed themselves and we headed back towards home around 1ish . It is a good thing we did not wait any longer because the last 20 to 30 minutes of our drive was in sleet and the closer we got to home , the worse it got , until the point where we were having to drive very slowly because it was so icy . The road that leads to our subdivision is one that has not yet been widened and it is a small , windy , uphill two lane road to get to our home , regardless of which direction you are coming from . Our subdivision is at the top of a hill . There was already a car off in the ditch on that road and a fire truck blocking one lane of the traffic so we ended up having to turn around and go around to come in from the other direction . We were very glad to finally get home and we were surprised that we made it up our driveway without any issues . Later that night I heard on the news that they had closed all of the major highways around us . It was a pretty treacherous blizzard , one of the worst in our state 's history . . . . but was it ever beautiful ! Once we were home , we could really enjoy it . We all enjoyed watching it turn into snow and it was really windy so it was blowing all over the place . It was very pretty to watch and we ended up getting about 8 inches in our neck of the woods , although with it being so windy , it is much deeper in places and you can see the grass poking through in other places . We had a lovely Christmas present opening together the next morning . I spent a good deal of the mid - morning preparing our Christmas dinner ( my first real holiday meal ! ) and the husband spent about three hours outside , shoveling the driveway . We invited friends to come over to join us for Christmas dinner around 2 : 00 so we had preparations . The boys enjoyed their new toys while we worked and everything came together quite nicely , although I did have to call my mom a couple of times to ask her how to do some things . I made the traditional ham , mashed potatoes , corn , deviled eggs and salad and my friend brought a wonderful green bean casserole . I also made a red velvet cake with cream cheese icing and we let all the kids gather round and decorate it and put on the candles . We all sang happy birthday to Jesus and the kids blew out the candles and then we all had cake . It really was a lovely get together and I was very pleased ( and very very thankful ) that everything came out so well . The food was great and the company was even better and my friend and I ended up wondering why we had not had our families together more often . . . . and promised to do so in the future . She is a good friend of mine and we have spent a lot of time together , off and on , over the past year or two . She has twin girls who are 5 years old and she has a new baby girl who is 7 weeks old . They go to our church and her husband sings in the choir and has an amazing voice . They only live about a mile from us ( as the bird flies , as they say : ) and we used to have play dates a lot with the kids , when our boys were 3 and her girls were 4 . Now her girls are in school and she has the baby so it had been a while since we had gotten together . Today I have been reorganizing things , getting rid of more toys that have been out grown or are no longer played with and organizing new toys . The boys have been playing upstairs yesterday and today and they seem to be doing pretty well with it now , which is nice . It gives them a lot more space to run around and there is carpet up there , which is good for certain kinds of play . Earlier the dad took the boys outside to play in the snow . They wanted to go out so badly yesterday but we just did not have time , with everything we had to do . Plus the wind was really gusting yesterday and the wind chill factor was in the single digits so I don 't think they would have enjoyed it much or lasted very long . We normally get so little snow in these parts and it usually melts so fast that we do not usually spend the money to buy snow boots or snow suits for the boys . So getting them ready to play in the snow was a big task . They each wore two pairs of sweat pants and a T - shirt underneath a sweat shirt . The only shoes they could really wear were their good shoes that they wear for church , which are leather ( kind of like dock siders but they lace up ) . Their sneakers are wearing out and I need to get them a new pair but I knew they would not be as warm as their leather shoes . So , after putting on their leather shoes , we had them step each foot into a large ziploc bag and we used duct tape to seal it to their sweat pants . We also put some duct tape on the bottom to give them a bit more traction . By the time we were done , they kind of looked like they were wearing boots , duct tape boots : ) ! It was pretty funny and very effective . We also tucked their sweat shirts into their sweat pants and put some duct tape around their waist to make sure they didn 't get snow up their shirts or down their pants while making snow angels . Then we put their coats , hats and mittens on . We tucked their mittens into their coat sleeves and put duct tape around them so their mittens would not fall off ( they fall off very easily , for some reason ) . Then they went out and had a great time ! When they came back in , their outer layer of sweat pants were soaked and their inner layer was also wet around their knees . The rest of them , including their shoes and their pants where the duct tape was ( just below their knees ) were perfectly dry . All the duct tape held perfectly . It was really quite impressive : ) . They had an amazing time and probably would have stayed out longer , if the dad had been willing . They made snow angels and enjoyed walking through the snow drifts and getting in their snow filled sand box . They were all over the place and they loved rolling around in the snow . It was very cute to watch and the dad got some good pics so I will post some later . Below is Ben , a . k . a . ' David ' , as in David and Goliath . He plays this all . the . time . and he frequently insists on being called David . In the picture below , you can see the panda bear hanging from the waist band of his sweat pants . But that is no ordinary panda bear . That , my dear friends , is David 's harp . And you can also see the sock hanging from his waist band ( it is actually a balled up sock inside another sock ) . That is David 's sling shot . He stays very busy being David ( and it is absolutely adorable ) . Below is Ben again . You may think that my son is playing with my old purses but you would be wrong . That brown thing across his chest is David 's shield and the small bag on his arm is David 's small pouch that he puts his stones in before he uses them in his sling shot . I 'm sure he also has his sling shot tucked into the waist band of his sweat pants but we can 't see it because his shield is in the way . He has also memorized all of the words from the David and Goliath story in one of the children 's Bibles that we have . He corrected me the other night when I was distracted and said one of the words wrong . He says all the words when he pretends to be David . He asked the dad to be Goliath the other night . They normally play this in the dad 's office because it is carpeted ( Goliath needs to have a soft landing in our play : ) . The dad was in his office ready to play and Ben walked away so the dad started doing something else . I was in the kitchen and saw Ben come into the living room , pretending to talk to Jesse and the other Israelites , according to the words from the story in the Bible . It was too cute . When he finally went back to the dad 's office , ready to slay the giant Goliath , he found the dad doing something else but he soon got back into the act and was slain by our hero David . David then came to the kitchen to let me know he had slain Goliath and made sure I said the right words , which I never can remember correctly but David is oh too happy to tell me what to say : ) . It is really something how much of it he has memorized . Nick loves hanging upside down , climbing on the dad and jumping off the dad . You can also see Ben in this shot . He has pulled up his shirt so he can put his sling shot into the waist band of his sweat pants : ) . It is a constant theme these days . And here is our Merry Merry Merry Christmas picture for all the blog readers . You can click on it if you want to see a closer , larger view . Merry Christmas everyone ! Well , we are one week from the big day and I think I am almost ready . Our Christmas cards should go out tomorrow , which is a miracle ( if you only knew ) , and I only have a couple more gifts to find tomorrow morning and then I am officially ready . Then I can relax and enjoy the season a bit more : ) . We made Christmas sugar cookies the other day and it was a family project . I was cooking stew & cornbread so the dad and the boys mixed the cookies up , cut them out and put them into bake . After dinner , the boys and I decorated them . The boys really enjoyed the whole Christmas cookie experience , most especially the eating part . Unfortunately the left over ones that we had not decorated yet seemed a bit stale the next day . I should have put a slice of bread in the ziploc with them before closing it and I didn 't think of it . The boys had their 6 month check up at the dentist the other day and their teeth looked great , which is such a blessing . I think it is so hard when little kids have to have major things done to their teeth . I am very thankful the boys seem to have healthy teeth . We try to take good care of them . They were both little champs at the dentist . Today I printed all the required pictures of the boys for the last post placement report . We are very bad about not printing pictures often so I have to go back through pics from Jan - Dec to find all the ones I want . I ended up printing 141 pictures , although most of them were for Christmas cards and a bunch of them were for family who have been wanting pics ( I will send you some soon Dasha : ) . We are scheduled to have our post placement home visit in early January . The company who has done all of our home visits and reports to date went out of business this month and can 't do it so we will have a new company doing it this time , which is kind of a bummer . The lady from the old company was very laid back and the new company will likely not be at all . Oh well . At least this is the last one and I am so glad . The boys have already received their first Christmas present from Aunt Dasha . Dasha , they love their magazines and trade them back and forth to look at the pics , when we are driving in the car . It is such a great gift , thanks so much ! We are really looking forward to seeing you soon . Things are busy around here these days . We are getting ready for Christmas and also working on finalizing our plans for the new house . We still have not sold our current house but , if it is God 's will , I know it will happen in His timing . In the meantime , we still have much to do before we would be ready to begin building anyway . I have hopes that when we are finally ready , we will be in the process of selling our home but I know God 's timing is perfect and He knows so much more than we do so I will continue to trust in Him . Tonight I am sitting with the boys as they fall asleep . Most of the time the boys still take naps these days , although sometimes we just can 't fit it in . On those days , I always end up feeling badly because Nick just ends up falling apart and his behavior is just really bad and then I feel bad because I know he normally does not act that way when he has had a nap . And if he has to skip it two days in a row , look out . It is going to be really bad . He still needs his nap so badly but Ben really could go without it now and do pretty well probably . In other news , the boys will start swimming lessons in early January and go once a week through the second week of May . It is a great place and they like what they have seen there ( we have been there twice and they have watched other kids taking lessons ) . I anticipate the first 2 or 3 weeks might be a bit difficult , from what other moms and the people who work there have told me , but after that the kids usually start to really enjoy it and learn fast . Nick : " Ben , the timer is over ( the 3 minute timer they use to take turns ) . Now we can jump together ! " ( Ben had just finished his turn jumping . ) We have been quite busy lately . On Thursday evening we went to the husband 's work Christmas party and the boys had quite a good time . We had a nice dinner and then Santa came and the boys each sat on his lap and told him what they wanted and then they each got a bag of goodies . On Friday we had a play date with friends in the morning at our house . We actually went to their house , got their two boys and brought them back to our house . Their mom had to stay home and watch over things , as they had to have all of the carpet in their new house replaced , as it was defective . So I had all four boys with me at our house and I was very impressed with how well they all got along . After playing for a while , I served lunch and an ice cream cone for dessert , which was a big hit . Then we took them home and came back and watched a movie , as it was too late for nap because we had to be at the circus by 4 : 30 . Some friends of ours got tickets to the circus and invited us to go too . It was actually better than I had expected and the boys loved it , especially the flying trapeze , which was pretty neat . On Saturday the dad took the boys up north to a Christmas tree farm where they picked out our tree and the dad cut it down . They got to take a hay ride on a wagon pulled by a tractor to find the tree and haul it back so that was a big hit . I did some Christmas shopping that morning while they were tree shopping and then we decorated the tree and inside of the house in the afternoon . The boys were so excited and they love the tree . They helped decorate it , which was kind of funny because they like to hang the bulbs from the cord for the lights and they hang many bulbs side - by - side in a row . They enjoyed helping though and it was cute . Saturday afternoon we went to a Christmas play at our church . The boys enjoyed it at first but did not last too long . Part of the problem was this was the second day in a row without a nap for Nick and he was getting really sleepy and not wanting to fall asleep . So he kept saying he was hungry . So I took the boys out and we wondered over to the kitchen and the cooks were busy preparing food for the dinner that would go with the dinner theater that night ( we were at the matinee ) . They generously offered the boys some crackers and drinks and the lead cook also had a couple of fun toys ( a cash register and groceries and a pretend bar - b - q grill ) for her granddaughter that the boys really enjoyed playing with . I gave them a bunch of pennies to play with and sat and watched them . They " cooked " many things for me to eat and also let me buy lots of groceries from them . They enjoyed themselves . We have been trying to wrap up our architectural drawings but we still have a couple of things to do before we can do that . We are waiting to hear back from the Kitchen Idea people on the kitchen design and also the master bath design . Things really slowed down when I got sick and then they just did not pick up again because of the holidays , I guess . Anyway , it seems like things are moving very slowly . We were at Home Depot for a while and one of the sales ladies who was helping us noted the boys were bored so she got them a couple of coloring books and some crayons . I let them get out of the cart and get down so they could color on the floor , but warned them to keep their coloring on their books and not to color on the concrete floor . At one point I looked at Ben and he had this major look of guilt on his face . So I asked him if he had colored on the floor and he said no but he was still looking funny so I started looking and , sure enough , he had . He was covering it up by sitting on it . He was not happy when I took his coloring book and crayons away and made him get back into the cart . He is usually a pretty well behaved child but , for some reason , he has a really hard time not writing on things that he should not write on . The last time we left the boys with the sitter , he had her pen and wrote a few big marks on our couch . Fortunately I was able to get it off with some fabric cleaner but he just cannot be trusted yet . In other news , I called our local agency today to schedule our last post placement home visit , only to discover they are shutting their doors as of December something ( one day last week ) and will not be able to do it . The funny thing is that I was not at all surprised because , for some reason , I had thought of this the other day , that it would not surprise me to find out they were going or had gone out of business . Anyway , they are trying to work with another agency to provide us with what we need and we are just waiting now . It has to be done in January , dated in January and sent in by the end of January . Hopefully we will hear something soon . The dad is off this week for a week of vacation . The boys are upstairs napping . It is very very cold here right now . I need a warm spot and a nap myself . Happy Birthday Honey ! ! The boys are happy for any opportunity to help someone blow out their birthday candles . I think I was in the hospital on this day . It appears the boys are building a fort out of blankets and books . I love these pictures . I was either in the hospital or sick in bed at home when these were taken . Not sure which but they were a nice surprise when I uploaded the pictures from the camera today . Nick , like Ben , had two birthday cakes . This one was made by Aunt Kathy and then daddy put the icing on when he got home from work ( I was still feeling very sick at this point ) . Aunt Kathy also brought a small cake when she and MaMa came for the day to visit . So Nick had a small party and cake with them and then we had another one with daddy when he got home from work . Lots of cake and lots of fun . And , last but certainly not least , did I mention that David and Goliath are back again , in full force . Everything with Ben is about David and Goliath these days and , if he can talk us into it , we would be reading the story over and over and over again every day . Nick gets tired of reading the same story over and over but Ben still gets to hear it pretty often . Tonight , when Nick complained , Ben said " you don 't have to listen " . Now I know most of you would not see the connection to David and Goliath in the picture below . But you just have to use your imagination . The purses are Goliath 's armor ! Did you guess that ? He didn 't happen to have his sock / slingshot with him for this picture but he had it with him later , in addition to his ' staff ' , which was made from the marble run . He pretty much knows everything there is to know about the David and Goliath story now . This afternoon he was pretending to be Goliath and didn 't know I was watching him . He was making motions with his hands and then made one hand come up and whack his forehead and then he fell down . He is quite the pretender . I can 't believe how big they are getting . I still feel that I am so missing out . I still feel like Yuck from this cold . I 'll get down and start playing with them and within 5 minutes I am ready to stop and rest . And my patience is just not what it should be . I am such a bad mom when I am not feeling well and I hate that . I am so ready to get back to normal and start feeling GOOD again . Things are getting back to normal around here . I am not 100 % yet but I am definitely moving in that direction . I can do quite a bit during the morning and afternoon but I have a lot less energy as the day goes on and I am really exhausted by the time dinnertime rolls around . It makes a day like today challenging . A real estate agent wanted to show our house between 4 : 00 and 5 : 00pm . The good thing is that he called the evening before so I had all day to get ready . That helped a lot . As for the boys , they are doing well . Behavior is slowly improving , as I try hard to be consistent . Sometimes it really tires me out . Also , when I am not feeling 100 % ( I still have some pain in my lung at times ) I am not always in the best mood and I am not always the best role model , although I am trying and I am praying about it . I feel bad that I have not been able to really spend a lot of time playing with them lately but hopefully I will have a lot of time next week for that . Today I had to spend a lot of time on the house and we had to go grocery shopping . By the time you add in lunch , nap and after - nap - movie , there is not much time left . We spent some time reading a couple of times and I built a very nice castle and moat with all of the blocks this evening and they both enjoyed knocking it down and then they had fun building lots of stuff and doing " mommy look at . . . " over and over , as I sat nearby watching them . I want to start playing more games with them and I am hoping to be in a position to start doing a little school work with them in January . Ben is so so ready to learn to read and write . He has learned how to write the names of all four of us . He loves trying to write and I really need to get on top of this before he learns bad writing habits . I have also seen him trying to sound out words that are past where we have learned in our book . He is so ready and I am feeling a little bad that I have not taught him more . Hopefully I will feel like getting back to it soon . As for Nick , he is so ready to be in some sort of sports program . I am hoping to have them both in something in January . Nick is such a natural athlete and he is always trying to do hand stands , flips and other gymnastic - type moves , plus he loves playing any kind of ball that someone will play with him , that I feel bad that we don 't have him in some sort of sport or class where he could really have fun . So , I need to get on the ball but I am still feeling like my ball is not completely filled with air . Hopefully we will be there soon . Really , yesterday evening I was starting to worry that I was having a relapse . I had not been having pain for a while and yesterday I started having pain in my lung again . By bed time it was hurting even when I was sitting still , not doing anything , which had not happened in quite a while . . . . to the point that we were considering getting me into seeing someone today . Today it was back to hurting only when I take a little deeper breath or yawn or sneeze or something . Actually , I can 't sneeze because , when I start to take that deep breath in to sneeze , it hurts so much so quick that the sneeze goes away . Until yesterday , it seemed more like I had a tightness in my lung when I tried to take a deeper breath or sneeze or yawn . But as of yesterday it was back to a pain , which is very frustrating and makes me wonder what is going on in there . I don 't remember having this much of an issue the last time I was recovering from pneumonia . Today Ben happened to see one of my bras laying somewhere and he came to me and said " mommy , you don 't have your breast on " " I saw your breast laying on the bed " . It was very funny . And then , later , when we were at Walmart , I was shopping for some new socks when Nick noticed all of the bras nearby . He said " mommy , look at all the breast - es they have here " " they have a lot of breast - es here " . Very funny boys . They are very excited because tomorrow we have a play date with friends we have not play with in quite a while , due to my sickness and also the H1N1 flu ran through their family at the same time I got sick . Actually , the husband of their family works with my husband . He called my husband and asked him to call in Tamaflu for their youngest son ( 2 year old ) on the same day that I started having chills and aches , way back in the beginning of my ordeal , when I thought I was coming down with the flu only to realize a couple of days later that it was pneumonia and ended up at the ER . We kept in touch with our friends through our ordeal and theirs and that flu ran through their family very quickly . Everyone got it and it was pretty rough . So , now we are all healthy and we are finally able to get together again and they are going to treat us to the bouncy play place for Nick 's birthday . The boys are very excited and it will be nice to get together with friends and feel somewhat normal again . I am really looking forward to the weekend , since it will be the first that we have not had an open house ( except when I was really sick ) . So it will be a " normal " weekend for us and it has been a very long time since we have had a normal weekend around here . And I am really looking forward to getting together with my family on Thanksgiving . It is hard to believe it is already here . Hope you all have a great weekend . I still need to post pics and a birthday update for Nick . It is coming , I promise : ) . About a week before hand , I talked to them about having their 4 year old shots , that they would have them sometime next week and that they would each have 4 shots , 2 in each arm . We discussed the fact that shots hurt and are not fun and that nobody wants them but that we have to have them to stay healthy and to prevent some bad diseases . After that discussion , we all forgot about it for a week . Last night the husband reminded me that the boys should go in for their shots this week and we decided that today would be the best day . So this morning , after we were all well awake , I let the boys know that today was the day . We had pretty much the same conversation over again and then we had parts of it again several more times before shot time . Nick in particular would bring it up and say that he did not want to get shots so we would talk about it again and each time I would finish the conversation with the fun we were going to have afterwards . We also talked about courage and what it means and also that it is OK to cry and that lots of kids cry when they get a shot . As it turned out , it seemed to be really good preparation for them . There are some ladies at the front desk that are always so happy to see them and give them candy so they both got a lollipop on the way in . They have a television in the waiting room that they keep on Animal Planet and it had a pretty good show on about a black panther being raised by some people that was cute and kept their interest while we waited , along with their lollipops and the babies that we watched . So neither of them really worried about it or thought about it while we were waiting . Before we arrived , we had already discussed that they would go in one at a time and they could pick who they wanted to go in with them , mommy or daddy . We also discussed who would go first . Ben was in a very brave mood and said he would go first , he wanted daddy to go with him and he was not going to cry , to which I replied that that 's fine but it is OK to cry too . This arrangement worked out well because Nick did not want to go first , which was a first for him I think . Normally he thinks he always has to be first at everything : ) . Ben went in first without any hesitation , although I did see a bit of nervousness in his expression . He kept a brave face though , with a bit of a half smile . We could hear him screaming from the waiting room , which might have made Nick a little nervous but I couldn 't tell for sure . I just acted like it was totally normal and some people cry more than others and whatever . Nick had said he wanted daddy to go with him but he changed his mind while they were gone . I was a little bummed because I don 't like the whole shot thing myself : ) . When it was Nick 's turn , on our way in I reminded him again how they would push his sleeves up and use a cold wet cotton ball to wipe his arm clean . He was fine until we walked into the room and he saw the shots sitting nearby , at which time he said something like he didn 't want to do this . But he did it , they were quick and they hurt and he barely cried , although he really didn 't want to switch arms and let them give the 3rd and 4th shots in his other arm ( can 't blame him at all ) . In retrospect , it seems a bit barbaric to give that many shots to such a small child ( with such little skinny arms ) at one time . The husband said that these are all the shots they are suppose to have between the ages of 4 and 6 , which made me think it might have been better to get two today and then two more 6 months later , or something like that . After Nick got his shots , the lady said they don 't have to have any more until they are 11 years old . That 's a long time , which again makes me think why in the world do they do it this way , where they get that many shots at one time . If I had known before what I know now , I think I would have insisted they split them up and give them 6 months or so in between to forget about it . I think 4 shots at once would be a lot even for an adult , much less a just - turned - 4 - year - old . After the shots , we went to Chick - fil - la for lunch and play time and they were giving away balloons , which is always a really big hit around here . The boys had not had any balloons in quite a long time so they have really played with them a lot this evening . Posted by He gets a pair of socks , wads one up and stuffs it inside of the other one . Then he takes the outer one and , holding it by the top of the sock ( these are socks that reach to mid shin ) , swings it around and around , pretending it is his sling shot . He does this ALL THE TIME and we are going through socks very quickly around here these days . Nick will do it too once in a while but he is not nearly as intrigued with this game as is Ben . Ben tries to talk everyone into playing this game with him . What that means for anyone who agrees to play is that they are Goliath to Ben 's David and they must pretend to get hit in the forehead with a stone and fall down dead . Ben knows most of the wording that goes with this event and also knows that the winner of the battle , David , puts his foot upon the slain Goliath . It is funny to watch and to listen to but everyone soon tires of playing the role of Goliath . Ben tries to get Nick to play this role but Nick does not like this idea . When Ben is really hurting for a Goliath , he pretends that the play fire station is Goliath and he knocks it over with his sling shot . Thankfully it is a very durable toy . The issue with Ben 's infatuation is that he tends to want to really hit people with his sling shot . We have discussed it many times and he has lost his sling shot several times because he could not seem to resist the temptation to hit someone with it . This normally happens when nobody wants to play Goliath . I don 't think he has ever actually hit Goliath when someone has agreed to play the role ( but I could be wrong about that ) . This evening Ben again had his sling shot . He hit his daddy in the back with it a time or two , lightly I think but enough to cause daddy to tell him to stop because it hurt . The dad and I were busy putting away all of the play dough at the time and were not paying enough attention , as the sling shot should have been taken away when it was used on daddy . A little later Ben hit Nick with his sling shot and it hurt enough that Nick was none too happy about it . I was nearby and paying attention this time and I took the sling shot away from Ben , only to find that this time , instead of a waded up sock in the sling shot , he had a hard toy inside of it . No wonder it was hurting so much when he was hitting people with it . So Ben sat in time out for a short while , while the dad and I discussed what should happen next . The final decision was that there will be no sling shots and no type of David of Goliath , play or video , allowed for three days . Ben was very unhappy about this decision and made the bad choice of throwing fits and being a bit sassy . Sassiness has been a real issue with him since around the time he turned 4 and we are working on this issue . So , overall , it started out being very cute and funny to watch Ben 's infatuation with the whole David and Goliath thing . It is now very tiresome and I am happy that we will have a three day break from them : ) . Hopefully our little one will learn a little more self control from this three day break . Time will tell . In other news , the dad and I had a few hours to ourselves while the boys had fun playing with their favorite babysitter . I am continuing to feel much much better and am starting to think that I am almost back to myself . I didn 't do a whole lot today though so we will see how much stamina I have when I really dig in again , which will probably be on Monday . Just a quickie post to let everyone know I am now feeling so much better . I definitely got some kind of infection from the pneumonia shot and it is now getting better very quickly . My energy is starting to return and , as you can imagine , I am feeling better from an emotional perspective too . It is soooo nice to see our family starting to get back to normal . We had a bad event last night that had me very upset though . A real estate agent called the day before and wanted to show our house yesterday evening at 5 : 30 . Since we don 't have a lock box on the door , the boys and I just head out the back and we leave , as the real estate agent and people are arriving out front and then the agent calls me on my cell when they are finished . The boys and I just drive around the neighborhood for a few minutes while they are looking at the house , as it usually does not take very long . The people yesterday actually took quite a long time , which we thought was a good thing , although we have not heard anything since so who knows . Anyway , as I was pulling out of the driveway , I stopped next to the agent 's car ( she was waiting for her clients to arrive ) and told her that we have a cat who likes to try to escape . I told her to just kick her foot at him and he would get back away from the door . Unfortunately , she was on the phone , although she had quit talking to the person and was listening to me ( I thought ) . I think she must have been thinking of other things and was not really listening after all . She finally called to tell us they were finished . By that time the dad had arrived home and was sitting with us in the van just up the street from our house . He got back into his car and we drove up to the house and into the driveway as the agent and clients were leaving . As we came into the house , I saw Zoe , our cat who normally does not try to escape , but I didn 't see Dancer so I started calling for him right away . He loves to eat and loves special treats so normally he comes right away ( even if he is sleeping soundly ) when I call him from the kitchen . When he didn 't come , I thought he might have gotten into one of the attics so I headed upstairs while the husband got a flashlight and headed outside . I didn 't find him or hear him in the attic so I called the agent and left her a message on her phone . When she called back a few minutes later , the husband had my phone ( which was probably a very good thing ) . She confirmed that the cat did dash out the back door and she said she thought he was an outdoor cat , as I had not said he wasn 't . I just couldn 't believe it . By this time , Dancer had likely been outside for about an hour and it had been dark for about as long . We looked and looked for him and called for him all over the place and we never found him . I brought the kids inside and started fixing them something to eat , all the while I was crying my eyes out . I have had my two cats for about 12 or 13 years now , since they were just little bitty kittens . It was really heart wrenching for me to think that I might not see him again . We also live very close to a very busy road , so that was very concerning to me . The husband was still out looking and he finally came back in empty handed too . He took over finishing something to eat for the boys while I came to the bedroom , still very upset . I heard the boys shouting and I could hear the husband saying something loudly also , including Dancer 's name , and I knew he had returned home . I had left a very smelly can of chicken on the step , hoping it would lure him home . He might have returned anyway but he does love to eat so I 'm sure the chicken probably helped a little . I was so relieved . His return was an answer to many prayers and I thanked the Lord . So , it was an emotional evening but it had a happy ending . Today we have the boy 's favorite baby sitter ( our only baby sitter : ) coming from 3 to 7 so the husband and I can have a few hours to ourselves . It should be a relaxing kind of day around here and I am going to bask in it . I can 't tell you how wonderful it feels to be feeling good again . I am so thankful and it really does make one take stock of what really matters in life . I am going to enjoy this day : ) . I think I mentioned in an earlier post that I had a follow up doctors appointment on Monday and , while I was there , I got the pneumonia shot . I had finished the antibiotic I was taking for the pneumonia I have had on Monday evening . Since then , things have not been going so well . My arm has continued to be more sore each day . I have really felt so badly overall and then , yesterday , I started running a fever again . My mom and sister were here yesterday to celebrate N 's birthday . They left just before I put the boys down for their nap . Then I went to bed and I was chilling and aching again . I was running 101 . 3 degrees temp . The boys woke up and I let them watch movie after movie and they played with new birthday toys . They were very good , while I was covered up under tons of blankets , chilling and aching and generally feeling miserable . I called the husband at work and I was crying because I felt so miserable and really felt like the whole thing was starting all over again . He ended up calling two of the doctors that were seeing me in the hospital . They did not think I would have this reaction from the shot , which is what we had been thinking was causing this . One of them called in another prescription for me of the same medication I had finished on Monday and they were thinking I might need to see a lung doctor or something and maybe even have something taken from my lung and tested ( doesn 't that sound like fun ! ) . The husband came home early and took over , which was a relief . The boys had really been very good but I still felt bad that I was not up and watching over them . At one point , they were both standing at the end of my bed , singing songs for me with their new little microphones that they got for Nick 's birthday . It was very cute and entertaining . I will post a birthday post later , since we now have another 4 year old : ) . I took some medication that took my fever down and started feeling better and the husband got my prescription filled so I have had a couple of doses of that now . Last night we noticed a reddening on my arm , around the site where I had the pneumonia shot and today it has spread a bit . So it seems that maybe all of this is just a reaction to the shot . I am hopeful that is all it is . My breathing is so much better that I would really be surprised if it was my lung getting worse . Actually , after only two doses of the antibiotic , I think the soreness in my arm is already feeling a bit better . So , I am hopeful that I am once again on the mend . This has been so frustrating , as it seems I have been sick now for a long time . My sister thinks I came home from the hospital too soon and I should have spent two additional days there . I think I probably would have recovered faster if I had stayed longer , although I was so ready to come home when I was there . The problem with being home is that I am constantly over doing it , whether I want to or not , because there are just those things that have to be done . I am very thankful that our friend has come today to take care of the boys . She is absolutely wonderful . She loves to play with them and they are so happy while she is here . They stay busy , they are not arguing at all and I get to rest , which is wonderful . Off to my resting . This recovery thing is definitely taking longer than I would like . Everything is such an effort right now and I always feel exhausted , even though I am sleeping very well at night . Today was the first day I had the boys all day by myself , although I 'm not really all by myself because my mom came to stay a few days with me . She is great moral support and also helps out as much as she can . It is very nice to have her here and I am thankful she offered to come . She will stay for a couple more days and then I will be on my own . It will definitely be a challenge . It takes about three weeks to really get your strength back from being this sick with pneumonia . I am gaining in strength and endurance each day but it is still quite a chore and I feel I am dragging myself around most of the time . I feel for the boys because I am sure they are really tired of all of this , and of course the husband too . He works hard all day and then comes home and has to take on more than normal at home too . I was surprised by the good behavior today . The boys were better than I expected , after observing them over the past few days . We all got along pretty well and I was patient and kind , which was great because it is not always easy to be that way when I am feeling so yucky . My pain was a bit better today than yesterday so that was a big help too . I am so tired of all this and so ready to get back into my life . I feel I am sitting on the sidelines and life is passing me by . I had a follow up appointment with my doctor today and she is going to refer me to a gastro specialist for my acid reflux issues . We all agreed that the problem is bad enough that we need to do something to improve the situation , especially since there is a good possibility that this is what has caused me to aspirate and end up with pneumonia twice within two years . I got the pneumonia shot , just in case : ) and the boys got the H1N1 nasal spray . They were not too excited about this since they had just had the regular flu nasal spray a couple of weeks ago and remembered it well . But I think they preferred it to a shot and it was over quickly . In another week or two we have to take them back in for their 4 year old immunizations , which will be 4 or 5 shots each . That is not going to be a fun exercise . I was starting to feel better and could see much improvement on Saturday . For some reason , that was all lost on Sunday , when I woke up in more pain and was feeling worse again . By the afternoon , it was back to the hospital I went , this time as a direct admit . I stayed at the hospital from Sunday evening until Wednesday evening . It is so nice to be back home and I am quickly regaining my strength , although I still have a ways to go . The husband has had quite the juggling act , trying to keep everything running around here , making sure the boys had supervision and also attending to his work . He has been on call at the hospital all this time , which means he also has to do rounds every morning too , plus still do a lot of his regular work . Thankfully my sister was able to come and stay with the boys from Monday afternoon to Thursday morning . She is such a gift from above . We also have a friend who came and stayed with the boys the last time I was hospitalized for pneumonia and Paul called her again this time . She has been able to come yesterday and today to help out , since I am not quite able to do it all on my own yet . It is very hard to tell how much is too much right now . I find that I tend to over do things and then I am not hungry so I end up going to bed and not eating anything . That happened last night at dinner and almost happened again this morning at breakfast , although I force myself to eat a piece of toast . This morning , the husband had a new theory on what may be causing me to get pneumonia . I have acid reflux extremely bad so his thought is that it is making it too easy to aspirate . I would not at all be surprised if this is the case . I have known it is very bad for a long time , since I live with it every day . So , I think we will likely be doing some testing and searching along these lines and try to get this under control a little better . I 'm sure that means changes to my diet : ( but it will also mean I will feel better over all , which is good . . . . and I really don 't want to get so sick with this pneumonia again . Twice is way more than enough for me . Hopefully we will find a good solution . The bad news is that I am sick and I 'm in a lot of pain . Tuesday afternoon I noticed my body was a bit achy . I took 2 Ibuprofen and then the boys and I went outside to rake some leaves . By the time we came back in , I was a bit more achy and thought my back was hurting from raking the leaves . I made dinner as quickly as possible because I just wanted to go climb into bed . At some point I started chilling and my aches continued to get worse . I didn 't eat anything but left the boys and husband to eat and I went on to bed . My backache was now starting to wrap around to the front and it was really painful . I felt like I had broken a couple of ribs . My fever continued to climb . Later that night I started throwing up and was extremely nauseated . This went on until around 10 : 00am or so the next day . After that , the nausea went away , thank goodness , and my worst symptoms were fever and severe pain . I finally took hydrocodone just before bedtime , hoping it would help the pain enough that I could get some uninterrupted sleep , since the night before I had only slept in 20 to 30 minute increments . It did help a lot and I was kicking myself for not giving it a try earlier . But then I woke up around 4 : 00am and was in such extreme pain that we went to the ER . I was so thankful that nobody else was there and I didn 't have to wait at all . Additionally , when you tell them you are having chest pain , they tend to get right on that too , just in case . Long story longer , they took an X - Ray and I do have pneumonia , although it is in the opposite lung from when I had it a couple of years ago . We are now not sure if I have the flu or not or how in the world I ended up with pheumonia . Very confusing to me . So not much going on around here right now , for me anyway . The husband had to call in and let them know I am sick so he has to take sick days yesterday and today . He was suppose to be on call at the hospital and doing morning rounds , this weekend but we are not sure I will be well enough by then . I am hopeful . The dad got home from Boston just fine and I was very happy to see him , as were the boys . His schedule is what gives the boys and I a schedule , somewhat , so when he is gone I tend to feel a bit rudder - less in some ways . Also , our normal routine allows me to take a break in the evenings , while the dad is playing / reading to the boys and he and I normally take turns putting the boys to bed . We both help with getting ready for bed but we take turns , every other night , reading bedtime stories and their Bible , saying prayers and sitting with them until they fall asleep . So , without the dad here , I end up doing mommy duty from son up until son down : ) . I am an introvert and we introverts need to have some alone time to re - energize at times . Also , I find that I am just a better mommy and have a lot more patience when I have some down time each day . So going from Tuesday through Saturday late afternoon with no down time was really hard for me . I felt pretty wiped out , physically and emotionally , by the time he got home . Also , I really don 't sleep nearly as well when I am here alone so that contributed greatly to the physical and emotional exhaustion I felt . In other news , nothing has changed on selling our home . We have five more Sundays left until Thanksgiving and then we will have a break from showing the house for a while . We met with the Kitchen Idea folks about our kitchen design this week and it went very well . She had some great ideas that I would never have thought of . We will meet with them again sometime next week and I am excited to see the results . We meet with our architects again on Monday . We are pretty solid on everything except the layout of the upstairs bedrooms and also the master bath . We have never been happy with the master bath . I think we need to meet with a master bath expert , if such person exists . Hopefully we will figure something out soon . I am ready to finalize this thing and I know our architects are too . Today the boys and I went to some consignment shops , looking for twin bed frames for their beds . Their mattress and boxsprings are still sitting on the floor and I would really like to find them a bed frame sometime soon . I found some pretty good consignment stores near here so I will have to make frequent visits to find something . I saw the perfect set today but it had already been sold . I woke up with a scratchy throat today so I am either coming down with something or having allergy issues . It is sometimes hard to tell which , although both of the boys seem to be coming down with something so that may be a clue . Time will tell . I hope it is not the flu , although I don 't think it is because nobody has a fever or chills or anything like that , just runny noses so far . One of the books I stumbled upon at the used bookstore is The Bears on Hemlock Mountain . We read this one yesterday and the boys really enjoyed it a lot , so much so that we reread it again today . Definitely a winner and we will likely be reading it often . Another book that was recommended in The Read Aloud Handbook is Dinosaurs Before Dark , which is the first book in the Magic Tree House series . We started this one just before nap and finished it this evening before bed . The boys absolutely loved , loved this book . They were so excited about the story . The boys have not watched or read anything much that is scary . I don 't know if this is why or not but they do not like things that are scary . It took them a while to get up the nerve to watch the David and Goliath video we have and they still have not been brave enough to watch Jonah and the Whale . So I was not sure if the Dinosaurs Before Dark book would be just a bit too scary for them . At one time , Ben did say something about not liking the " monster " , which was the T - Rex in this story . But he definitely wanted me to continue . When we finished reading book 1 this evening , I told the boys that we have more of these books and they were so excited . They ran to the library and wanted to look through them right away . They decided they wanted to start reading book 2 for our read aloud before bed so we just finished the first 2 chapters in the second book . I am glad that we found some books that they enjoy . These books seem to have just the right level of excitement and suspense that they are able to hang on during the pages that have no pictures and sometimes that is two page turns away , which is big for a 3 / 4 year old . This is the first time they have really been able to maintain interest at this level with so few pictures . These books are stretching them another page turn for a picture and I am a bit surprised that they have both been so captured by these books . It is fun to see and I am enjoying them too so that is icing on the cake for me : ) . Not much else new around here . Time seems to stand still , to some degree , when the dad is away . But tomorrow things will pick up again because my mom and sister are coming for a visit and the next day ( Friday ) we have a play date planned and then the dad will be back on Saturday . Now I just hope I can sleep better tonight than I did last night . I do not function nearly as well when I am short on sleep . Boys are sleeping so I better head that way too . We are still showing the house on Sunday afternoons from 1 to 5 . We have discussed our timeline between now and Thanksgiving and have decided that , if it is not sold by then , we will take if off the market for the holidays , about 6 weeks , and put it back on in January . When we were discussing this , I told the husband that I just have a feeling that we will spend the holidays in this house and he agreed that he thought we would too . I am actually happy about that because I really like this house and it is a beautiful house in which to celebrate the holidays with family . I would much rather be here for the holidays than in a rental and I would really rather not have to move over the holidays . . . . . although if someone offered to buy the house the week before Thanksgiving , I am sure we would sell it : ) . As for the new house , we are still working on our house plans . We had another meeting with the architect yesterday and I think we are 98 % done with the layout . We still have some work to do on the outside of the house though . We also have a meeting scheduled for Tuesday with a company called Kitchen Ideas to start working on the design of our kitchen . I visited two of their locations on Saturday and walked through some of their kitchens and I am very excited about the possibilities . It will be fun to start working on the details of the kitchen . And that is the update on the house . Can you tell I have been without much adult interaction today ? I am trying very hard to teach the boys to sleep under their covers this year . It has already gotten cool enough here to do so and the pajamas we have this year are no longer the thick , footie ones . They are much thinner , although I do put a T - shirt on them under their pajama top . Still , they need to learn how to sleep under covers . We are keeping their room much cooler this year . Actually we are keeping our entire house much cooler this year , except our bathroom which has the radiant heated tile . I am so glad to have that back on and Dancer the cat is very happy about it too . I decided to dress warmer this year and keep the house cooler for many reasons . The number one reason is for better health though . That dry heat is really tough on us all but I think it bothers Nick a lot and it also causes cracked fingers and heals with the husband and I . Ben does not seem to be impacted by it much . There is also the added benefit of reduced heating bills which nobody will complain about . But my point of this post is to tell you that Ben has a real issue with learning to use his covers . He has the habit of sleeping with his head towards the bottom of his bed . He is a child of habit and ritual and does not like changes a whole lot so he is not so happy to change his sleeping habit around . It has occurred to me , as I am writing this , that I might try changing his bedding around so that the head of his bed is at what is now the foot of his bed . That would probably do the trick . Then he could sleep in the direction he wants and still be under the covers . The dad left this morning for Boston for a conference so we are on our own for a few days . Today we went to the used bookstore . The boys enjoy this place as much as I do and , when we go on a weekday , it is not crowded and they can really wander around the kids area and have fun . They have bean bag chairs and kids tables and chairs and tons of books and some stuffed animals ; lots to keep them busy for a while . I found several books from The Read Aloud Handbook . I trade in books there so we got a little over $ 30 worth of used books for around $ 2 . 75 . That 's my kind of shopping ! I am finding that we are at a challenging time for finding the right books for reading aloud . The boys love any book that anyone wants to sit down and read to them , for the most part , as long as it is not too old for them . And we still read lots and lots of picture books , Dr . Seuss type books , Beatrix Potter , the original Winnie the Pooh books and the original Thomas the Train . But I like to continue to find books that stretch their ability to sit and listen without having quite so many pictures to look at and also having a bit more plot ( the Beatrix Potter , Winnie the Pooh and Thomas the Train books are great for this too , but we need more variety ) . One of the best I have found so far is the My Father 's Dragon series . I read the three book series to the boys quite a while back and they loved it . It was perfect because it had a lot more text vs the number of pictures and it was full of action and left them hanging at the end of chapters . . . so much so that they were frequently asking me to continue . We actually reread the first book in the series again a while back and this morning we started the second book again . It does seem though that they were much more into the suspense of these books the first time around . Now they know the story so the suspense is not quite there as much . Generally I think there is a real need for more books in this area . They seem to skip from books with lots of pictures to books with very few or no pictures and there is not a good enough transition , in my opinion , or at least I have yet to find it . And it seems they assume that children who are reading the books with fewer pictures are older . Or the chapter books are those for children who are learning to read so the words and plots are much more simple . We found several today that might be good , although I am not sure if the topic / plot might be a bit to advanced because these are geared more towards K ' ers or above . We 'll see . I might need to look on Amazon to see if I can find some and order them for Christmas or something . We got these write and erase books for the boys for their birthdays . Nick has not had his birthday yet but he got to open a present when it was Ben 's birthday . That red panda bear is just dotted lines for them to trace . I thought N did a great job tracing it with his red pen . Nice panda Nick ! And here is Ben , showing us the trailer he drew behind that tractor . It is hauling bales of hay . He also drew some long - legged people in the barn . Nice job Ben ! Nick is very into coloring these days . I have just purchased a writing program to start teaching the boys the proper way to write their letters , so we will be starting that soon but they are having fun with these books in the meantime . They are very interested in trying to write their letters . You would think that I could teach them that without any guidance from a writing program but I have found that the way I form my printed letters is not the " proper " way to do it : ) . Oops ! This was by far the favorite ride for both boys . Unfortunately I thought they would really like this miniature roller coaster and they were all for trying it . The entire time they were riding it Ben had a look of terror on his face and Nick was screaming and crying , so that turned out to be a bad choice on my part . This was another one of our science experiments that we did about air . They are blowing bubbles into the pot of water . We also put an empty plastic bottle in the water and watched the bubbles come up as it sank and we filled a balloon with air and then let the air out under the water and watched the bubbles come up from that . I think we did a couple more things for this particular experiment also but can 't remember what they were now . We have now finished the section on air and are ready to move on to the next section , although I can 't remember now what that is . The following pics are from a trip we made to OKC to see Thomas the Train when our friends were here from K . C . They had a tent with lots of tables set up with all different kinds of Thomas the Trains on them . Ben especially enjoyed this tent . At one point he went missing and scared me to death . He had been telling me he wanted to go back to this tent and we were standing not too far from it so I should have known . It didn 't take us long to find him but it was one of those scary parent moments . They had lots of fun things to do , including a fun climbing area and the obligatory bouncing places . Nick ended up with a massive blister on his big toe from bouncing so much . It is just now going away . Today I was going through the drive through at our bank to get some cash . It is one of the older ones where you put your card in and the machine takes the card into the machine and keeps it during the transaction , spitting it back out at the end . Ben sits behind the driver so he could see what was going on but he missed seeing the machine spit the card back out . As I started to drive away , he asked " mommy , where is your card ? " , followed by " did it change your card to money ? " . I got a good chuckle out of that one . We were driving in the car the other day and I was using the opportunity of a captive audience to explain more about sin , how God is perfect and cannot look upon sin , how we are sinful but God sent His Son Jesus Christ to die for our sins . I was doing my best to explain it at a 3 / 4 year old level . When I finished talking , I was quite surprised when Ben immediately said ' We should pray and thank God for that mommy " and then he said a quick prayer , thanking God for Jesus dying on the cross for our sins . Today as we were driving and I was listening to talk radio , the boys started singing songs together . It was so sweet . They sang three different songs together and I had to turn down my radio and listen to them because it was just too cute . One was The B - I - B - L - E , yes that 's the book for me . . . . . Another one was Glory , Glory Alleluia , which sounded like Gworwy , Gworwy Awewuia , which kept me smiling the whole time they were singing it . It was precious . I can 't remember what the third one was but I clapped for them when they finished . This is such a cute and fun age . Today we started a new system of memorizing Bible verses . I soooo needed this . Our first verse is : A soft word turns away wrath . Proverbs 15 : 1 . We read it this morning , along with a short story illustrating how a child put this into practice while playing with a friend . We role played it a couple of times ( Nick and I did ; Ben was playing nearby . ) And we have discussed it and recited it several times throughout the day . We will stick with this verse for as long as it takes us all to memorize it well , which shouldn 't be too long since it is a shorter one . I wrote it on an index card and I drew a picture on the backside to remind us of our verse . I need to read more about this system and get the details down . It is a free online at http : / / simplycharlottemason . com / timesavers / memorysys / . I am hoping it will work out very well for us . Lately the boys have been very into " doing school " . It had been a while since we had done anything and now they are really making up for lost time . Nick is particularly into coloring and tracing lately and will sit for long periods of time doing both . Both boys are doing a great job of coloring for their age . They also enjoy doing mazes and we spent a good amount of time yesterday morning doing pasting . I would cut out pictures from our Let 's Sticker and Paste Kumon book and they would take the pieces and paste them back together to make the appropriate picture . They did a great job . It was a lot like doing a puzzle and they do lots of puzzles so they enjoyed this activity . It is interesting to see how far they have come in their ability to do all of the crafty things since the last time we really did a lot of it . It had been a while and I was thinking they might be rusty but their skills had actually improved . We have not worked on cutting in quite a while so it will be interesting to see how they do with that now . I had been telling them for a couple of weeks that I was going to start sitting with them one at a time and working on reading , while the other one works on other things at the table . Today we finally gave this a try and it really went very well . Nick sat at the table because he wanted to continue his coloring . Ben and I sat together on the small couch in the library / playroom . I wanted to start out slow so I set the timer for 10 minutes and explained to Nick very nicely that he was to stay busy and not interrupt us . I gave Ben a choice of reading through words on flashcards I had made or reading the Bob Books and he chose the Bob Books . We started out with the first book in the first set . I was interested to see how he would do because , again , we had really not done anything for quite a while . He amazed me . He sounded out the words and read right through the first two with very little help . Once or twice he tried to guess at a word and got it wrong ( Sam instead of sat ) . I just reminded him to sound out the letters and not to guess and he did so just fine . I was very impressed with how well he did . He seems to have a natural bent for learning to read and he enjoys his successes . In the meantime , Nick kept himself busy at the kitchen table for the 10 minutes Ben and I were reading together . He did an awesome job and we never heard a peep from him . He continued with his work even after the timer went off . I wanted to do a few minutes of sounding out letters with him but he really did not want to . I tried to talk him in to doing just 3 minutes of work with me and we started to do it . He did OK for the first two pages or so and then he stopped trying and I could tell he really did not want to do it and was soon going to refuse . So I just asked him if he wanted to stop and he said that yes , he wanted to color again , so that 's what we did . I was working with Nick on a paper he wanted me to tear out of his book so he could color it . It was one of those that had rows of pictures and , for each row , you had to put an X on the picture that did not fit in . Like on one row there was a picture of an airplane , a helicopter , a tree and a balloon . He X ' ed out the tree and told me all the others fly . He did very well on this exercise and , overall , I was very pleased with how both boys did today and quite surprised since we had not done anything for a while . Kids are amazing ! Oh , Nick also traced a dotted picture of a panda bear 's head and he did an exceptional job ( in my humble opinion : ) . I was really impressed , since the last time we were really into " doing school " I could not get him to do much tracing at all . We also played the Cat in the Hat , I Can Do That game this morning and we had so much fun . That is really a great game for little ones . The boys think it is so fun and funny and I laugh a lot , watching them do the silly things . After they were done , they had to count their cards . Nick counted his and he had 13 and Ben counted his and had 20 . All this to say that was the highest I had seen them count out objects and they both did it perfectly . Makes me wonder exactly how high they can count out objects . We 'll have to test that sometime . What else can I tell you ? Well , here is something I have noticed lately . Nick does not like to be messy when he eats . He really does not like to get food on his face and will refuse to lick icing off a spatula if he thinks it will make his face messy . He always wants and uses a napkin to keep his face and hands clean when he is eating . Ben , not so much : ) . He was eating some cake today after lunch and had icing all over his fingers and face and he thought it was funny . He was a mess , so bad that I gave him a rag to clean up and told him he needed to use his fork and quit making such a mess . He frequently leaves lots of crumbs in and under his chair and I always have to wipe his chair down after he uses his dirty / sticky hands to climb down . They are quite opposites when it comes to this . Nick has recently started becoming a bit pickier as to what he will eat . Don 't misunderstand . I am still the pickiest eater in my home but his once " I 'll eat anything " attitude has been a bit tempered of late . There is one casserole I make that has mushrooms in it and he recently decided he does not like them , when he had eaten them without comment for a long time . Actually , he and Ben both had eaten them with joy , even when I cooked up a whole pan full of mushrooms , because their daddy likes them so they had to like them too . I guess that is no longer the case now . We normally eat salmon once a week or so and he has decided that he does not care for it so much , although he will eat bites of ours ( and will say yum ) but then still hardly touches his own and insists that he does not like it . Ben 's eating habits really have not changed at all . He likes almost everything . Neither of them like cucumbers or watermelon , although I think Ben had cucumbers recently , not knowing they were cucumbers , and liked them so who knows . Both boys seem to switch back and forth between left and right hand , when they are writing , Nick more so than Ben . Ben still tends to favor his right hand and Nick seems to favor his left . Ben has really come along with his coordination and athletic ability , although Nick still seems to be a bit ahead of Ben is this area . Both boys enjoy climbing to the top of our jungle gym , hanging by their knees , falling backward while holding on at their knees and then flipping over as they jump to the ground . It amazes me that they have taught themselves how to do this already . My hope / plan is to find some sort of sport or something to put them in next year . I would actually like to put them in swimming lessons this winter but I 'm not sure if everyone else agrees so we 'll see . I think Nick would really enjoy being in T - Ball and Ben might also , although he might tend to get bored with it faster . We 'll see . They will change so much by then . Both boys still sleep very well and have been sleeping in since it is getting light later . I like this : ) . They take a nap from around 1 : 30 to 3 : 00 ish and they are usually in bed , ready to fall asleep around 8 : 30pm . They have stars and planets on their ceiling and we usually talk about them when we turn the lights out . The dad and I still take turns sitting with them until they fall asleep . It usually does not take very long and their behavior has greatly improved . I am still hopeful that , some day soon , they will be able to stay in their beds and fall asleep without us in their room : ) . We have not tried it in a long time so maybe we should try it again . Making it to the potty in time is going pretty well these days , although we do have our bad days too . One day this week , Nick wet his pants twice and Ben wet his bed at nap time so that was not a stellar day for us . Most days we have no accidents though so it makes the other days tolerable . Both boys are normally very well behaved when we are out and about , although Nick told me that a boy from church bit him one Sunday . After a few questions in an attempt to find out what had happened , I learned that they had been fighting over a toy and Nick had hit him first . Nick did not have a bite mark on him and he said that their teacher had told them both that we do not hit or bite so it sounds like it was handled well . Both boys are a pleasure to be around and I am enjoying staying home with them . This is still my dream job and I still feel as if I am living my dream and there is nothing else I would rather do . I am also feeling very good about how we are spending our time , as far as making the choice not to do formal school time this year and just having fun and playing it by ear . We won 't have very many more years we can do this and we are enjoying it while we can . At the same time , it seems we are still doing a good job of learning the appropriate things while we play and have fun so it 's all good . Next year the boys would officially be at the Pre - K4 level so we can really do the same thing next year if we want . I will make the decision as we approach that time frame and I can see how mature the boys are and how they are doing with what we are learning . I would like to be able to do another year of no formal schooling but we will see . Regardless of which we choose to do , I will definitely be ordering more age appropriate school related materials to be doing with them . I might also keep trying to do the 10 minutes of learning to read with Ben and build it up to 20 or 30 minutes , maybe three times a week , or something like that . I 'm just not sure yet exactly what we will do when , we 'll play it by ear , but I am really enjoying watching them learn and seeing how great they feel about their successes in learning and how much they enjoy it . We are having fun and learning a lot and they seem pretty happy about staying at home for school , albeit they know nothing else . Several of their friends are at the Pre - K4 level this year , some at three days a week and some full time , so the boys know about " going to school " and that they are going to have school at home . This morning we were discussing this and I told them that some kids ride the bus to school but we just change out of our pajamas . They thought that was funny ( not that we are officially doing school but it was still funny ) . I was raised in Oklahoma and , although I have lived in many cities in the U . S . , I consider OK home . My husband ( aka ' the dad ' or ' the husband ' , since he doesn 't want me to use his name ) was raised in the Chicago area but Tucson , AZ is home for him . We were married a little later in life but we know that God brought us together and we are very thankful for that . I am now a stay at home wife of my dear husband , mom of our two sweet little boys and soon to be homeschool teacher of my two sons . . . and I love it ! The adoption of our beautiful sons from Volgograd Russia was finalized on January 17 , 2007 . It took around a year from the very beginning of our process to the end . I have tried to include lots of information about our adoption process on this blog , all of the ups and downs we experienced , what to bring and what not to bring , what our trips to Russia were like , etc . If you have any questions for us , please feel free to email me at lea @ pisarik . com . Various Blogs I Read |
Thank you to everyone for your kind wishes , I really do appreciate it . This is the first time I have lost a pet , you think you can cope , but it has knocked the stuffing out of me . The first night I hardly slept a wink . I had taken Freddie straight from the vet to the pet crematorium and said my goodbyes there . Before this happened I thought I might bury my cats in the garden when the time came , but the ground is hard , and I would be so upset I doubt I could find the strength and courage to go through with it . Also if I moved house I would still be leaving them behind . So I though cremation would be best . In the spring I will pick a nice day , when the sun shines and the new growth is coming through on the bushes , I will scatter his ashes in the places where he did his territorial spraying , so he will still be doing his duty and scaring the other cats away . I felt a bit better this morning , after a good nights sleep , so I went off for a walk as it was nice and sunny . My friend told me that someone had taken a vehicle onto the footpath along the top of the woods , between here and the picnic area , and at the point where the water naturally flows down from the fields and into the woods , the ground had been churned up that bad the path was now impassible . I went to have a look . They had come down from the posh housing estate and flattened the security post on the tarmac snicket , put there to stop youths driving onto the walking area . The size of the tyre tracks made me think it was some kind of dumper truck , definately a four wheel drive vehicle . I followed the tracks to the the water crossing , it was a mess . They had tried to turn round at that point and gouged great deep ruts into the ground , it 's a wonder the vehicle didn 't turn over . I was so annoyed that someone had made so much mess on our lovely footpath . A lot of people use this route , it 's a very popular picturesque place to walk . I had a bit of time to spare so I set about looking for wood to cover it so that people could get by without too much difficulty . I kMeanqueen I 'm just going to do this post quickly because I am crying buckets . I took Freddie to the vet today because he had stopped eating and was very lethargic . He had his Christmas chicken dinner on Friday and Saturday , but then he didn 't eat much more after that . The vet said he had a big lump in his stomach , he took a sample of fluid from him , the vet said it doesn 't look good . He started to tell me about what could be done , xray , scan , then cutting him open . It seemed such a lot to put a cat through , with no guarantee that the outcome would give him a good quality of life . He mentioned the words cancer and tumour and I realised what we had to do . I held Freddie while he went to sleep . My poor little Freddie , he turned up on my doorstep as a stray in a terrible mess , about seven years ago . A fiesty little fella , he ruled the roost and had us all trembling in our boots . Goodbye my little friend , sleep tight . Posted by The garden has looked lovely and clean these past few days , with a thick layer of snow covering up all the ugliness of the empty veg beds , and those where I have yet to pull up the last few dying plants . Today the sun is out and the ugliness is back . The lawn is covered in a white sliced loaf of bread torn to shreds and offered as bird food , along with fat balls , rotting apples , and a scattering of bird seed . The frying pan / bird bath is now visible and even though it is filled with fresh water , our feathered friends are not in a hurry to hop into it . As I followed Ben round the garden for his morning stroll I noticed that two of the raised beds have been used as a feline toilet , several little squiggly mounds are laid on the top . Despite my attempts at putting barriers over them , they have managed to squeeze under and between the branches I laid on top of the plastic trellis covering the surface . They must have given up trying to bury it , which I suppose is a good thing , because at least I can see it to scrape it off with a trowel , rather than sticking my hands into it in the spring when planting time comes around again . : - ( My defences need to be reinforced , I gathered up the plastic tubs , pots , and pieces of wood that were scattered around and placed them on any bare sections of compost which might be the next target . I lifted a piece of wood which was laid over the join between two of the beds , there is a gap of a few inches here , and underneath I found a prickly ball . Horace the hedgehog was asleep . I quickly replaced the wood , not wanting to disturb him . I though hedgehogs buried themselves under piles of leaves and twigs , this one did not seem adequately covered . Not wanting the poor little mite to freeze to death , I got some plastic sheeting and made a tent over his hideaway . I do hope him and his friend survive and come back next spring . They came onto the lawn every night last summer because they knew there was a feast to be had , it was lovely to watch them . The tall silver birch trees in the next garden arePosted by A month or so ago I posted a picture of a stone I had covered in crochet , and added some beads for decoration , just to remind you here it is again . Now I have some more stones finished which are going to be part of a larger table decoration . It 's taking a bit of time to complete because I have a picture in my mind as to what I want the finished piece to look like . I have to be happy with each part of it , design wise , and the construction has to be as good as I can make it . I want to move a bit sideways with my creations , thinking further out of the box , using my imagination to make things more artistically appealing rather than having a practical use . I loved the tv programme , School of Saatchi , where six young people were given the task of creating pieces of art . Fascinating to see how different people 's interpretation of art manifests itself . Anyway , I thought I would let you have a sneak preview of my new creation . I have finished six of the stones . To keep the cost as close to nil as I can , I am using found , recycled , or rubbish items that would be thrown away . Here is one stone . The springs are from a video recorder which I have taken apart . I have painted them with nail varnish , and stitched them onto the crochet covered stone . I rather like this one , the colours contrast nicely . The problem I had with the two long thin springs was the nail varnish chipped off when I bent them into an arc , so I had to repaint them once they were sewn on . Maybe I 'll put a picture of another one on soon . Posted by I can 't stop yawning , don 't know why , I haven 't done much today . Perhaps it 's the two glasses of wine and the glass of sherry , or sittting in front of the computer watching two episodes of Coronation Street , one hour of Victoria Wood , The Fattest Man in Britain film , and the Queens speech . Or it could be the three dog walks that has worn me out , or the hour I spent chatting to my friend who is coming down with some nasty flu like symptoms . I did wash my hands and face and brush my teeth when I got back though , so I hope I haven 't caught any of the germs that might have been flying around . Ben was well impressed with his steak , there is enough left for tomorrow , and the cats were equally thrilled with their grilled chicken breasts . I will open a tin of tuna for them tomorrow for their Boxing Day treat . I only have to say the word ' fish ' and they immediately rush to the kitchen . No Skyping today , I don 't know what happened to my brother who was supposed to call me , he hasn 't been online at all . Anyway , one last short crunchy walk through the snow and ice for Ben before bed time . I hope we wake up tomorrow morning and it has all gone , it 's getting a bit of a pain now having to tread very slowly and carefully trying not to fall over . I 'm glad you all didn 't throw a brick at me , I am not usually so grumpy . I took Ben out this morning , and thought how nice it is to live in a village . People are so friendly , people that I hardly know or have never seen before , all smile and say hello . Passing the time of day with the postman as he rushes to complete his deliveries , waving to my elderly neighbour who sits by the window , and chatting to the church gardener as he takes his dog for a walk . We had a big snowfall last night so I expected to wake up to snow halfway up the doors , but I am pleased to say it has started to melt . I like to keep my driveway snow free so I don 't drag it into the house on my boots . My friends Alex and Irene are on their way to Edinburgh as I type , I hope they get there safely . It 's not a journey I would like to undertake at this time of year , especially as the weather forecast is not good , predicting snow and ice . They have a large family and they all like to meet up for the Christmas celebrations . Thank you for your good wishes , I hope everyone has a lovely time . Cyberkim , I can remember working at Christmas , and I didn 't mind at all . In fact the best New Years Eve I had was tucked up in my bed in my lorry , night heater humming , down south somewhere , listening to Big Ben at midnight . Ace ! I shall be blogging when the fancy takes me , my computer stays on most of the day . Not very frugal I know , but it 's my bit of fun . Catch you soon . It 's a strange time of the year for us singletons . People think we 're all going to hit the booze , watch endless trash TV , and sob uncontrollably into our hankies on the 25th , because of course , we must be lonely spending Christmas by ourselves . Tis the season of goodwill and families , and I read yet another newspaper article about sad and lonely single people , I 'm sure they churn out the same one year after year . Ok , so I am getting on a bit , no geezer in tow , no inlaws , and no kids that are going to turn up on my doorstep with their kids , but for goodness sake , I have been living alone for nigh on 42 years . I couldn 't wait to strike out on my own when I reached 18 , I was off . So I reckon I have kind of got used to being alone at Christmas , it 's no big deal . I feel a touch of bar humbugs coming on . The build up starts earlier every year , and by the time December arrives I just wish it was all over . People ask me if I am ready for Christmas , and I want to scream , I have to stop myself from going off on a rant . I politely answer , ' I don 't do it . ' Why do people feel the need to go on a shopping frenzy , it 's a trick , Christmas is for shops to make money , that 's all . And what happens in January , everyone asks if you had a good Christmas , I smile sweetly and say yes . Anyway , I have the company of my pusscats , and Ben dog , perfect . Today I admit I did join the throngs at Tesco , to get a few treats for us . Steak for Ben , chicken for pussies , and smoked salmon for me . This happy and contented spinster will have a lovely day , and I hope you do too . I may not have time to do a post today because I am partying . The Down the Lane Christmas party has already begun , and it may go on till way after midnight . The wine is flowing and I 'm just waiting for someone to ask me to dance . If you want to join in you are most welcome , just click on the link , go to Forum , register , and find your way to the members section down in the basement . Maybe I 'll see you there , come along I 'll introduce you to a few people . www . downthelane . net It 's very cold today and we 've had more snow , so it 's best not to venture too far . Within minutes of switching the computer on this morning , I had a Skype call from my brother in India . It was amazing to be able to see him and chat with him . You can 't chat as if you are in the same room though because there is a slight delay on the signal , so you have to wait for a gap at the end of a sentence . I find this quite difficult because I am usually in a hurry when I speak . I have an awful habit of cutting in before the other person has finished , a bit annoying for them I imagine . Anyway we managed . He showed me his dog , and I showed him Bugsy cat , and then I moved the webcam around the room , and showed him the snowy garden through the window . He laughed at me wrapped up in my many layers , he was sweltering in the heat with a shirt on open to the waist . Our chat lasted 59 minutes , we arranged to have a chat on Christmas day and have a party with a few drinks and food . That will be fun . A bit later on I had another Skype link up with a friend who lives in the Orkney Isles , I haven 't seen him for about five years , when he lived in Southport , so it was nice to catch up with him and his wife . They love it up there and had just been out with the ramblers club . I went to Sue 's to take some photo 's of Bigpuss , isn 't he gorgeous . Now we will ask around to find out where he lives , and if they want him back . Ben is now here with me , laid down besides my chair . Lilly is on my knee , Bugsy laid next to Ben , and Freddie on the bed , I 'm surrounded by animals , it 's great . You 're never lonely with a pet . Good news , Bigpuss is now safe in Sue 's cat chalet , tucking into his dinner . I say ' his ' , she hasn 't checked on it 's gender yet . I think she has fallen in love with it , but there again she loves all cats . With 13 of her own her house is full of them , and each one is special . Tomorrow I will go and take some photo 's of Bigpuss , so we can look for it 's owner . At least he is safe now and has a warm bed , not wandering the streets in this bitterly cold weather . I 've been fiddling around with Skype this morning , and hey , it works : - ) Not too difficult to install . You are asked to take a snapshot of yourself for your profile , look at the webcam , smile , and click . I wondered if I really want anyone to see me in my slopping around the house gear , it 's enough to make them roll about laughing , but what the heck , let 's do it . The whole thing is rather clever , more toys to play with . I had to do a couple of tests to make sure I was working ok , test that my voice was beaming out and my speaker is working . I could hear my own voice coming back , weird . I sound just the same as when I was on the tele , a bit posh but rather intoxicated . I discovered I have four people already in my email address book who are on Skype . As soon as I imported the list across , I tried contacting Jonathan as a test . Lo and behold he was online and answered , magic . We had a lovely conversation , most of it was me laughing though . I haven 't spoken to him for nearly thirty years although we ocassionally email each other . Isn 't it just amazing that we can now chat . I have added another two people to my Skype list of contacts , so maybe later I will get to talk to them . I 'm not sure what the time difference is between here and India , so when my brother gets out of bed , or gets logged on , we will have a chat . I will leave the computer on for the rest of the day , because it will tell me as soon as he is around . I 'm chuffed that I can now chat to people all over the world for free , it will be a boon when I get shunted into an old folks home . As long as I can take my computer with me I will be happy to sit in my little room chatting to all my geriatric pals . : 0 ) We 've had some heavy snowfalls over the last couple of days , looks pretty but not nice to drive in . I got my car back from the bodyshop yesterday , the paint job looks ok , but it will have to go back because I can 't open the rear passenger door from the outside . Seems they took the door handle off and didn 't but it back on correctly . I went to the Scrapstore this afternoon for a natter and a coffee . They are closing now untill the new year . My friend Sue rang me while I was out , she thinks someone has found Bigpuss , so I went and picked her up . We went to a womans house with a cat basket but there was no one in . According to the description the woman gave her on the phone it sounds like it could be the lost cat . Now we are waiting for a phone call to go and collect it , as Sue has an empty chalet , and we can keep it there while we get some posters up around the village . The plan is to get it back to it 's owner , but we are wondering if the owner actually wants it . If I lost a cat I would have posters up all over the place and leafleting , within hours of it going missing . My brother who lives in India emailed me yesterday to ask if I have Skype , so we can talk to each other . Well I haven 't , but I bought a webcam while I was in town , so now I have to download the programme from the site and get it set up . I 'm not sure how it works but I 'll give it a try . My sister is also going to get set up with it , I 'll let you know how it goes . I was rather hoping to go out tomorrow , but with the roads being icy it would be madness to set off on a two hour journey if you don 't really have to . I wanted to go to the Dickensian Christmas Market at Grassington in North Yorkshire , the photo 's of last years event look fabulous . Such a disappointment , but it 's not worth the risk . The journey could take a lot longer if there are hold ups because of accidents . It looks like I shall have a lodger next week , I have offered to have Ben while his owner goes down to London . She could have taken him with her but it would be a lot of hassle stayingMeanqueen Let 's lighten up a bit , are you getting into the Christmas spirit ? This made me smile , my friend emailed it to me , cute kittys , all say Aaaarrrrhhhhhhh . Talking of cats , there is a lovely big ginger cat with a massive bushy tail around here , when it sees me it meeows like crazy and follows me . I was talking to my friend Sue about it who fosters cats , she has seen it as it hangs around the medical centre where she works . We are not sure where it lives or even if it has a home . I used to see it a few months ago , always in the garden of the house on the corner opposite the medical centre , but then it vanished . Now it is back . I think it has been in my house and stolen some food from my cats dishes . I was at the top of the stairs and caught a glimpse of a bushy tail disappearing out of the back door , I always leave it open so my boys can come and go as they please . At first I wondered if it was a fox , but I reckon it was big puss . It followed me last night and I picked it up , it seemed keen to stay with me . The fur underneath it and round it 's back legs is a bit dirty and matted , but it wasn 't skinny , as far as I could tell . I put it down and it followed me again . I was going to bring it home and ask around if it belongs to anybody . Not that I really want another cat though , but Sue would find a home for it if it is homeless . Anyway , big puss jumped up a six foot high fence and down the other side into a garden . I went back later to look for it but the paddock was awash with people carol singing around the tree , so I suppose puss was keeping out of the way . I spoke to Sue later on the phone and we couldn 't decide if it belonged to anyone , so we thought we would ask around first before we catnap it . Sometimes people go out and leave their cats to walk the streets all day and night , which I think is terrible . I got my Lilly because his previous owners didn 't care about him , he lives a life of luxury here with me now , compared to the dog kennel at the bottom of the garden he had before . That reminds me I must send them a ChPosted by Wow , I am glad I wrote that post yesterday , I struggled with it I must admit , afraid I might be revealing too much about myself . But it sparked a reaction and I thank everyone who added their comments . It 's too big a topic to cover in one post so I 'll stretch it out a bit more for today , don 't worry you don 't need to comment again . Billie Jane , I have some awful photo 's of myself as well , most of them get torn up because I can 't bear to see them . I can 't count the amount of times I have been looking forward to getting my photo 's back from the developers , only to be bitterly disappointed with the face staring back at me . Thank goodness for digital cameras , press delete and they are gone . Steve and Denise , Thank you for looking past my face and not just saying , ' you look alright to me ' , as most people would . You know that comment would be no help at all . If only we could get more people to look through faces . I hope 2010 is good for you . Brightandnew , I am really pleased that you like my blog , I write from the heart , no pretentions , no ego trip , just my slant on life and what I make of it . If you can pick bits out that interest you then I 'm happy . Fluttergirl , I am really chuffed that you decided to comment and share your hurt . I too remember the nasty things people said to me . Even a member of my own family was hurtfull . He once said , ' you look effing awful , why don 't you do something about yourself ' . ' Another time I overheard two men talking about me , one said , ' she 's got a face like an effing thunderstorm . ' ( Excuse the French ) . You don 't forget things like that . I hope you have a lovely life from now on . lindsey , Thankyou for your support . My mother did the wallpapering , we could only afford to buy the end of line wallpaper so had to stick it up as it came , only just enough to do one wall . She was wonderfull nothing matched in our house . Glad it made you smile , the whole house made me laugh . : - ) Sharon , I didn 't find out what BDD was till later on , and when I read about it in a magazine , I thought , wow , that 's me , Posted by Forgive me for not posting yesterday , I haven 't been feeling too well and I can 't work out why . I think a phone call to NHS Direct is imminent , however I will do this first . And now for something completely different , I feel confident at this stage to ' come out ' . No I am not gay , but there has been something going on in my life which I very rarely talk about . I have tried to explain this to a few people but the response has always been the same , awkwardness and blank looks . If you haven 't experienced it you can 't understand it . I am hoping that at least one person reading this will know what I am talking about . I may waffle on for sometime , so if you become bored , feel free to skip this bit . I don 't blame you because I can waffle . I 'll give this , ' something going on ' , a name , Body Dysmorphic Disorder , or BDD . There , I 've said it out loud and blown my cover . I 'm not writing this to get to get it off my chest , I have tried to cast it off before and it doesn 't work , it is always there , sometimes hidden and sometimes it rears it 's ugly head . If you know someone who has this , my post will help you understand . It is classed as a mental disorder though mine has never been diagnosed . In my younger years I thought hating your looks was a part of growing up , everybody did it and I would grow out of it . I never did . Hair dyed black , hairpiece , lots of thick makeup , not wearing my specs . What has prompted me to write about it at this stage is Susan Boyle . Remember when she first came onto the stage , people ridiculed her , they laughed at her , and they poked fun at her . They judged her on her looks alone . Why is it that people are so judgemental before they know all the facts . Susan admitted to struggling a bit in life , she was bullied , and suffered name calling , something I can well relate to , it happened to me . What an absolute joy when she opened her mouth and sang , finally her dream is coming true . God bless you Susan . Looking back , my BDD started with bullying at school . Of course when you are young you try and get on with thMeanqueen Most of my weekend has been taken up with Henry sitting , he came on Saturday for a sleepover . We had a lot of fun out walking , we met several other dogs which delighted Henry as he romped around with them . I managed to keep him away from dykes full of water thank goodness , so I didn 't have to give him a wash down before letting him back in the house . The cats are getting used to him now , Lilly even lets him lick his face , Lilly is a boy by the way : - ) There was a bit of commotion this morning though , Henry had followed me upstairs and I was in the bathroom , he stuck his head round the door of the office and didn 't notice Bugsy asleep . Such a kerfuffle , yelps and hissing , Henry knows when to back off though . He is becoming a very clever boy now , I can talk to him and he listens . There are some words that he understands , and if I spend a penny he knows it must be walk time and he sits looking at my jacket hanging on the hook behind the door . Helen forgot to bring his ball so we didn 't have anything to play games with , then I remembered he picks up plastic pop bottles in the street and tosses them around , and I had an empty squash bottle in the bin . This did the job of entertaining him perfectly . He was here for 24 hours , just to give Helen and Paul a break , at just over a year old he is very demanding , needing four walks a day and plenty of playtime and fun . It disrupts our routine a bit when he comes , I have to move the cats food dishes upstairs and put a barrier up at the bottom of the stairs , so Henry can 't get them . I sleep on a camp bed in the living room , with Henry on a chair , because he wants to be near me . It 's nice to have him here for visits , and to help Helen out . A couple of weeks ago I went a bike ride over the bridge , and up the other side of the River Trent . I had to cut my journey short because I was going to run out of daylight hours and I had no lights , and my backside and legs were aching . So yesterday I went in the car to see the bits that I missed . Blacktoft Sands is a nature reserve on the south side of the River Ouse about eight miles east of Goole , in East Yorkshire . It has the largest intertidal reedbed in England , and has a fascinating range of birds and other wildlife . There are six observation hides , a reception centre and picnic area . Although I don 't know a lot about the different species of birds , I do like looking round these places . It was a lovely sunny but crisp afternoon , the frost was still on the grass where the sun hadn 't reached . This is the entrance to the Marshland Hide . Inside are narrow windows all round and benches to sit on while you watch the birds . This is the view from inside the Hide , a barge is passing having unloaded at Goole Docks . It looks a lot closer than it is but it is in the channel beyond and not travelling through the reserve . The sun was setting as I left , I wasn 't sure if photo this would turn out ok but I think it 's nice . Posted by I 'm rather pleased with my bag of rubbish . It doesn 't look very artistic , it doesn 't look pretty , but it is my only bag of household rubbish that went in my grey wheelie bin destined for landfill , in two weeks . Yes this is the total sum of my rubbish that can 't be recycled , and I 'm proud if it . In fact I tell a lie , there is two empty cartons of soya milk in there , squashed flat . If I want to recycle those I have to drive ten miles there and back to the council dump , not a good idea . Most of it is cat food pouches , bits of plastic wrapping that can 't be used for anything else , and one or two labels off tins which I don 't have to remove but do , after washing and squashing . Any smallish plastic bags get used for dog poo picking , things like bread bags , insides of cereal packets , and frozen peas bags . As I don 't hand pick , I use a small plastic spade , any bag will do . I recycle all my plastics where I can , you have to check on the number in the little triangle that is stamped on the bottom . Sometimes it is so small I have to look closely over the top of my specs . This gets put in the burgundy wheelie bin along with the cardboard . The biggest filler of this bin is the boxes that the cat food pouches come in . I think that is such a waste , why can 't they just put 12 pouches in a small plastic bag , then I could use it for dog poo . My plastic boxes for paper , and tins and glass recycling get collected once a fortnight alternating with the cardboard and plastic , but I only need to put these out once every six weeks . I might have a few cans and a couple of wine bottles , maybe an odd coffee jar or honey jar , but that 's about it . My newspaper box has junk mail and the free newspapers , so not much there to collect . So the biggest creator of everyday rubbish in my house is the cats , the other bag that goes into my grey bin is their dirty cat litter . I use the clumping type and try to keep it to a minimum by using the plastic spade to lift out the soiled material , then top up with fresh . Every week I run it down and give the boxesPosted by I 've made a profit today , must write that in my little book . Today I spent nothing but made a profit . I took Henry for a walk in the woods , we had a lovely time , he was romping about getting filthy and I was huffing and puffing climbing back up the steep bank to the top . I just happened to look down , being carefull trying not to lose my footing on the wet leaves and twigs and fall buttocks over chest , to put it politely , ha ha . I spied a coin , a very dirty coin it must have been there for a long time . I picked it up , how lucky that I had looked down at precisely that moment in that particular spot . I must have had an angel guiding me , perhaps I have an inbuilt radar which was picking up the signal from this coin . I had been selected from the many people who walk through the woods , to be the one who would have this lucky find . Perhaps it 's an omen , fate that I found the coin , perhaps there is more good luck coming my way , how exciting . Maybe tomorrow I ought to go to the shop and put the ten pence coin towards a lottery ticket . You never know , this could be my lucky break . I 've just been watching a magazine programe on the iplayer , and one of the stories was about getting help with managing your money when you are struggling to make ends meet . I agree there is a need for the government to fund places where people can go and talk to an advisor about their problems , but I can 't help thinking that instead of getting right down to the nitty gritty , they just paper over the cracks . The programe featured two similar stories of hardship , one a single mother bringing up three children on around £ 800 of benefits a month , and a pensioner also living on a similar amount . They both have debts of £ 5 , 000 . They were advised to start writing down every penny they spend in a notebook , so they can see where their money is going , something I think everybody should be doing regardless of whether they need to or not . Even people who earn a lot of money can easily find their spending spiraling out of control if they don 't monitor it . The camera followed the mum of three as she did her shopping , and she talked about seeing things she liked but couldn 't have them because she couldn 't afford it . She picked up an aerosol can , looked at it and put it back on the shelf , to illustrate her point . I thought that was a good sign , at least she was trying to keep her spending in check . But later she said she spent £ 300 on each of her children at Christmas , and got them a large present as well . Now I can see how she got herself in debt . One thing that baffles me is why some people don 't understand the difference between luxuries and necessities , because if they did they would be halfway to solving their problems . If you see something and think , I wish I could buy that , wouldn 't it be better not to look in the first place ? If you can 't afford something and it causes you a lot of sadness and you think you are being deprived of a fundemental right to own that object , you are close on to becoming a slave of consumerism . When I say look at the nitty gritty of spending , I mean an indepth conversation about why you want to Posted by I can 't decide where I fit in any more . I feel young but I am not young , I look younger than my years ( so I 'm told ) , I am not old and certainly don 't feel old . My head thinks I am 29 but I look more like 50 . I 've done a lot of living but I 've still more to do , so I must be somewhere in the middle . I know I 'm not a teenager because I don 't like their music , and I don 't go out on a Saturday night to drink myself silly and throw up everywhere . But I know I 'm not old because I don 't wear cardigans and pearls , and play bingo down the club . What 's brought all this on you might ask . Well , I went out today to the DHL Retired Employees Christmas Dinner , very nice it was , in a local pub . It 's the first time I have ever been , they meet three times a year for a meal and a natter . Everyone was very friendly , they made me feel most welcome , but I can 't get my head round the fact that I am a pensioner . Looking around I realised I was the youngest person there , and I felt completely out of place . So where do I go to meet people like me ? People who do daft things on a whim , unconventional people , outdoor type people with a sense of adventure . Footloose and fancyfree people who are up for a challenge and not afraid of making a fool out of themselves . Where are they all , or am I the only one ? I did a bit of tidying this morning , only a bit mind you , half an hour is about my limit . My living room tables were disappearing under masses of crafting bits and bobs , a sort out definately needed . One table is against the back wall under the window where the cats sit in the sun , that 's when we get any . They jump on the chair , then onto the table and climb onto the window sill , leaving a trail of cat hairs floating around . I decided to strip everything off the table and pull it out so that I could clean behind the radiator . The tablecloth started life as a bed sheet , I opened it out and gave it a good shake outside and refolded it with a clean side on the outside , and put it back on again , no point in washing it untill all sides are dirty . Most of my housework consists of a quick whip round with the Dyson once a month , but today I decided to do my thorough six monthly job by getting down on my hands and knees and using the hose with the attachment , to get right into the corners . When you get your face down near the carpet , especially a dark coloured floral carpet like mine , you can see all the bits you have missed when Dysoning standing up . I put the table and chairs back when I had cleaned underneath , and put the items on a tray on the table rather than have them scattered everywhere . By this time I was getting fed up of cleaning and decided to leave the rest of the room for another day . Last week I bought a bag of plastic shower curtain rings from a charity shop for 50p . Today I got my spare curtains out of the cupboard and used the rings to hang them on top of the curtains already up . This gives it an extra thickness , hopefully keeping it a bit warmer inside , well it would be warm if I actually put the heating on . I am determined to soldier on without it , only flicking the switch if I am absolutely freezing cold . At the moment I am back to my old habit of last winter , of wearing loads of clothes indoors , including coat , scarf , and gloves . This morning I washed my hair in the kitchen sink with two kettles of hotPosted by I 've just listened to The Archers omnibus , the only soap I follow . It 's a pleasant bit of chitter chatter and I can be getting on with other jobs while I listen . Some of the story lines are very emotional , especially the one at the moment about Jack Woolley going into a care home . Peggy his wife was becoming worn out , because his advancing dementure is becoming too much for her to cope with . Now he seems settled in and has a few of his personal possessions around him , poor Peggy now has the guilt to cope with , leaving him in a prison , as she put it . It reminds me of an incident some years ago , my brother in law had an elderly aunt and uncle in their late eighties living in a care home in Lancashire . They wanted to move to the Midlands so that my sister and her husband could visit more often . A place was found and a date was set to move them . My brother in law hired a box trailer and I went with them to help with loading and unloading the furniture . I remember it clearly , we were ready to leave , checking we had picked everything up , and the elderly couple settled comfortably in the car . I was shocked , we only had half a trailer load . Surely there should be more , went through my mind , is this all you end up with after living on this planet for almost ninety years . It made me very sad that this small pile of possessions was all they had left to show for a long life . That image of the half full trailer has stayed with me , will that be all I have left as well . Now , several years later I see things differently , I look around my house and think someone else will have to remove this eventually , so why not make a start now . Don 't put the burden onto whoever is left , they will probably throw most of it in a skip anyway , but gradually wind it down , sort it out , and pass it on to someone who will make good use of it . Recycle now before it is too late , this could be the answer to save the planet . When all the shops have nothing left to sell and close their doors , and I do believe that will happen eventually , that 's when we starPosted by It was a lovely sunny start to the day so I decided to go out . I had it in mind to try and get in the festive spirit and visit the big Christmas Market in Lincoln , it really is spectacular . But the thought of being squashed amongst thousands of visitors and herded around like sheep , peering over peoples heads trying to get a look at the stalls , just didn 't appeal . So I went for my second choice , the healthy option . I arrived at Donna Nook just after midday , and although there was a lot of people about I managed to get a place in the car park . You wont find Donna Nook in a road atlas because the road leading up to it is a dead end before you fall into the sea . It is near the village of North Somercotes , half way between Cleethorpes and Mablethorpe on the Lincolnshire coast . It is home to an RAF bombing range , but that wasn 't what I had come to see . This is also a Wildlife Trust nature reserve , and every year at this time hundreds of seals come onto the sand dunes to give birth . It has one of the largest and most accessible breeding colonies of the grey seal in the UK . From 27th October to 30th November , 1 , 082 pups have been born . The conditions for them are ideal here , mainly saltmarshes , inter - tidal mudflats , and sandbanks . You can walk along a footpath which is separated by a fence from the breeding area . The seals come very close , it 's very tempting to reach out and touch the pups , but you must not , because the mothers would smell your scent and abandon them . It 's a wonderful sight , those gorgeous big eyes just melt your heart . Leaving Donna Nook I decided to vist the Seal Sanctuary at Mablethorpe ten miles down the coast . There is a hospital for rescued seals , some of them have been caught up in fishing nets , and are at various stages of treatment . Eventually when they make a full recovery they will be released back into the wild . They have two permanent residents that have been there since 1986 , they can 't be released because they are both blind , so they will live out their days at the sanctuary . I think my sePosted by I think my diet may be a bit lacking at the moment , I have lost about four pounds in the last few weeks , without trying to . I eat lots of vegetables , probably too much and nothing else . I can be a bit obsessed about not eating any junk food at all , but maybe a little bit wouldn 't be so bad . I must try and introduce a bit more variety into my meals , so this is what I bought today , and some of the reasons for my choices . 6 pieces of frozen salmon for £ 4 . 50 , that is 75p per piece , so I should be able to keep within my £ 1 per meal limit if I add some veg . 6 pieces of frozen tuna steaks for £ 3 . 69 , that 's 73p per piece so again it keeps it down to £ 1 . 2 . 5k potatoes for 99p . A savoy cabbage for 29pA huge butternut squash for 49pBroccoli 33pPack of six custard tarts reduced from £ 1 to 65p . One thing that bothers me about them is that I don 't think they use free range eggs . I will have to cope with the guilt but I wouldn 't buy them at full price . 2 frozen fish pies at £ 1 each . I don 't normally buy processed ready meals but they are handy to have now and then if you don 't feel like cooking . I put extra frozen peas or sweetcorn in them before I microwave them , to bulk it up a bit . 2 large pots of organic yoghurt at £ 1 each . I normally buy six small pots for £ 1 , but I got the large ones because they are probiotic and are supposed to be better for you . I will try and spin them out into six portions per pot so it won 't be any more expensive than the single ones . A small cheese and tomato pizza for 46p . A bit sparse with the topping but I shall add a few extras to make it a meal for under £ 1 . Pizzas are never usually on my shopping list . A packet of choc digestive biscuits for 33p , Tesco Value brand . Don 't tell me off , I never buy biscuits , but I fancied a bit of chocolate and the biscuits are a cheaper option . I will try and make them last me the week . Wholemeal loaf reduced from 66p to 46pPacket of 6 oatcakes for 39p . These will make 3 lunches , fill with cheese and tomato and microwave , scrummy . Packet of 6 potato cakes , reducPosted by Good morning , another new day another fresh start . I awoke this morning and remembered what I have to do today , take my car to the garage for them to assess the damage inflicted upon it yesterday . Now I have had time to mull things over in my mind I can 't help wondering why pick my car out of several others that were parked in the street . Was it someone who knows me , possibly someone who wants to hurt me . I don 't normally make enemies but you can never tell what goes on in someone 's deranged mind . I have one or two suspicions , but of course with no witnesses and no cctv cameras , I am unable to follow it up . The police are going to make some enquiries but I don 't expect them to make any arrests . I remember many years ago I was shocked and horrified when someone I knew said he had done exactly the same thing to a car which had parked quite legally outside his house . It had annoyed him so he thought he would teach the owner a lesson so they wouldn 't park there again . He got his come uppance though , several months later we met up and went for a coffee . On our return to the car park someone had scratched the side of his car . He was quite annoyed by it , I kept my mouth shut , muttering under my breath , you reap what you sow . Now he wasn 't a dodgy character at all , in fact he held a very responsible position working in partnership with the police force . His behaviour was not what you would expect from someone who was held with high regard . It just goes to show , you don 't know what is going on in someone 's mind . Anyway time to move on , no point in crying over spilt milk , there are people who have many more worries than I do . I just heard on the news about a young man who who was also the victim of a violent act yesterday , only he paid for it with his life . Someone had tried to grab his laptop , he tried to stop them and was shot in the stomach by the assailant , he subsequently died . A tragic story . It puts everything into perspective , I may be £ 100 lighter , but I still have my life . So sorry for the young man and his familyPosted by There are some days when I would like to live as far away as possible from other human beings , and today is one of those days . Sometime between 2pm and 2 . 20pm today , my car was vandalised . Someone decided they would have a bit of fun and scrape down the side with a sharp instrument , I think they generally use a key . From front to back there is a wavy scratch , down to the metal , and the whole side will have to be resprayed . What goes through someone 's mind when they do that ? Why pick on my car ? I was parked at the back of the Scrapstore after unloading some stuff I had collected from a couple of businesses , doing my bit of voluntary work . I had a cup of coffee and a chat and came out to find that some pathetic excuse for a human being had decided to land me with a bill for £ 100 and an insurance claim . I feel as if I have been personally attacked myself , I feel very saddened that there are a lot of evil nasty people roaming about , and I do despair at what is happening in the world . Thank goodness for cats . No matter how angry or upset I am , I still have Lilly and Freddie both trying to sit on my knee as I type this . I have already given up my comfortable office chair for Lilly to sit on and I am on a hard dining room chair , but no that isn 't enough , he has climbed onto the desk , gone round the back of the computer , and is now balanced once again on my knee . He makes me laugh with his determination to succeed and get what he wants . What would we do without cats eh ! Oh well , onward and upward . I 've just been reading an article about someone who claims to have lived without money for a year , none coming in and none going out . I find that very hard to believe . Mark Boyle is 28 and lives in a borrowed caravan on an organic farm near Bristol , he volunteers his services on the farm , presumably to cover his rent and access to a clean water supply . It sounds all very romantic , living off your own means without the burden of modern day stresses and strains , but I 'm sure if you asked homeless people living on the streets , they wouldn 't think it was an ideal situation to be in at all . If you have no money coming in you have to rely on the goodness of others to help you out , which to me sounds a bit selfish if your situation is self imposed . If you plan to barter your services in exchange for food , light , heat etc , then that is more acceptable , but there are bound to be people who feel sorry for you and donate something out of the goodness of their heart . At what point does this turn into begging ? As you know I do believe you can live off very little money , but I would not like to live off no money at all . I tried living in a caravan once , though I did have a paid job , my house was sold and the money was in the bank waiting to buy another . It was quite nice not to have to pay utility bills , council tax , or mortgage . My job was a short pleasant walk down the road to the cement works , I could shower there when the day was finished before I walked back to make my dinner . The downside was that after a few months I ran out of clean clothes and bedding , no launderette in the middle of the countryside . I got fed up of the cramped kitchen , no room to make decent meals , no fridge , and the condensation inside made everything damp . It was also very lonely , I used to go walking a lot just to get out and meet people , and then it got to November and it was so cold I went to bed as soon as I had my dinner at 6pm . Then I bought another house . As an experiment , I believe living without money is something everyone should do for a whilPosted by Hello , I am a 68 year old retired lorry driver . After trucking for 32 years I 'd had enough , went part time when I was in my mid 50 's and stopped altogether when I reached 60 . Yippeeee , now I am free to do as I like . I live with three cats , I make do and mend being very careful with my spending , only buying what I need . I have no qualms about buying second hand from car boot sales and charity shops , and getting free stuff from skip diving . Money saved is put towards holidays , a decent car , and days out . I love life , and it needn 't cost a fortune to enjoy it . We start on January 1st 2017 . There won 't be a dedicated page to log the miles , instead members of the Walking Group will need to declare their intention to start , with a comment on the first post of the year , and report in on the 1st of every month after that with their own mileage . Please remember to do that , as it will be the only record of your progress . Onward we go , new and old members welcome . Let 's work hard to keep in good shape . Follow by Email Hi . This is an advert free , non sponsored , all my own words , blog . I won 't try to sell you something , I don 't accept freebies , either goods or services , in return for reviews . There are no sponsored or guest posts , no annoying adverts . Welcome and come on in . |
Thank you to everyone for your kind wishes , I really do appreciate it . This is the first time I have lost a pet , you think you can cope , but it has knocked the stuffing out of me . The first night I hardly slept a wink . I had taken Freddie straight from the vet to the pet crematorium and said my goodbyes there . Before this happened I thought I might bury my cats in the garden when the time came , but the ground is hard , and I would be so upset I doubt I could find the strength and courage to go through with it . Also if I moved house I would still be leaving them behind . So I though cremation would be best . In the spring I will pick a nice day , when the sun shines and the new growth is coming through on the bushes , I will scatter his ashes in the places where he did his territorial spraying , so he will still be doing his duty and scaring the other cats away . I felt a bit better this morning , after a good nights sleep , so I went off for a walk as it was nice and sunny . My friend told me that someone had taken a vehicle onto the footpath along the top of the woods , between here and the picnic area , and at the point where the water naturally flows down from the fields and into the woods , the ground had been churned up that bad the path was now impassible . I went to have a look . They had come down from the posh housing estate and flattened the security post on the tarmac snicket , put there to stop youths driving onto the walking area . The size of the tyre tracks made me think it was some kind of dumper truck , definately a four wheel drive vehicle . I followed the tracks to the the water crossing , it was a mess . They had tried to turn round at that point and gouged great deep ruts into the ground , it 's a wonder the vehicle didn 't turn over . I was so annoyed that someone had made so much mess on our lovely footpath . A lot of people use this route , it 's a very popular picturesque place to walk . I had a bit of time to spare so I set about looking for wood to cover it so that people could get by without too much difficulty . I kMeanqueen I 'm just going to do this post quickly because I am crying buckets . I took Freddie to the vet today because he had stopped eating and was very lethargic . He had his Christmas chicken dinner on Friday and Saturday , but then he didn 't eat much more after that . The vet said he had a big lump in his stomach , he took a sample of fluid from him , the vet said it doesn 't look good . He started to tell me about what could be done , xray , scan , then cutting him open . It seemed such a lot to put a cat through , with no guarantee that the outcome would give him a good quality of life . He mentioned the words cancer and tumour and I realised what we had to do . I held Freddie while he went to sleep . My poor little Freddie , he turned up on my doorstep as a stray in a terrible mess , about seven years ago . A fiesty little fella , he ruled the roost and had us all trembling in our boots . Goodbye my little friend , sleep tight . Posted by The garden has looked lovely and clean these past few days , with a thick layer of snow covering up all the ugliness of the empty veg beds , and those where I have yet to pull up the last few dying plants . Today the sun is out and the ugliness is back . The lawn is covered in a white sliced loaf of bread torn to shreds and offered as bird food , along with fat balls , rotting apples , and a scattering of bird seed . The frying pan / bird bath is now visible and even though it is filled with fresh water , our feathered friends are not in a hurry to hop into it . As I followed Ben round the garden for his morning stroll I noticed that two of the raised beds have been used as a feline toilet , several little squiggly mounds are laid on the top . Despite my attempts at putting barriers over them , they have managed to squeeze under and between the branches I laid on top of the plastic trellis covering the surface . They must have given up trying to bury it , which I suppose is a good thing , because at least I can see it to scrape it off with a trowel , rather than sticking my hands into it in the spring when planting time comes around again . : - ( My defences need to be reinforced , I gathered up the plastic tubs , pots , and pieces of wood that were scattered around and placed them on any bare sections of compost which might be the next target . I lifted a piece of wood which was laid over the join between two of the beds , there is a gap of a few inches here , and underneath I found a prickly ball . Horace the hedgehog was asleep . I quickly replaced the wood , not wanting to disturb him . I though hedgehogs buried themselves under piles of leaves and twigs , this one did not seem adequately covered . Not wanting the poor little mite to freeze to death , I got some plastic sheeting and made a tent over his hideaway . I do hope him and his friend survive and come back next spring . They came onto the lawn every night last summer because they knew there was a feast to be had , it was lovely to watch them . The tall silver birch trees in the next garden arePosted by A month or so ago I posted a picture of a stone I had covered in crochet , and added some beads for decoration , just to remind you here it is again . Now I have some more stones finished which are going to be part of a larger table decoration . It 's taking a bit of time to complete because I have a picture in my mind as to what I want the finished piece to look like . I have to be happy with each part of it , design wise , and the construction has to be as good as I can make it . I want to move a bit sideways with my creations , thinking further out of the box , using my imagination to make things more artistically appealing rather than having a practical use . I loved the tv programme , School of Saatchi , where six young people were given the task of creating pieces of art . Fascinating to see how different people 's interpretation of art manifests itself . Anyway , I thought I would let you have a sneak preview of my new creation . I have finished six of the stones . To keep the cost as close to nil as I can , I am using found , recycled , or rubbish items that would be thrown away . Here is one stone . The springs are from a video recorder which I have taken apart . I have painted them with nail varnish , and stitched them onto the crochet covered stone . I rather like this one , the colours contrast nicely . The problem I had with the two long thin springs was the nail varnish chipped off when I bent them into an arc , so I had to repaint them once they were sewn on . Maybe I 'll put a picture of another one on soon . Posted by I can 't stop yawning , don 't know why , I haven 't done much today . Perhaps it 's the two glasses of wine and the glass of sherry , or sittting in front of the computer watching two episodes of Coronation Street , one hour of Victoria Wood , The Fattest Man in Britain film , and the Queens speech . Or it could be the three dog walks that has worn me out , or the hour I spent chatting to my friend who is coming down with some nasty flu like symptoms . I did wash my hands and face and brush my teeth when I got back though , so I hope I haven 't caught any of the germs that might have been flying around . Ben was well impressed with his steak , there is enough left for tomorrow , and the cats were equally thrilled with their grilled chicken breasts . I will open a tin of tuna for them tomorrow for their Boxing Day treat . I only have to say the word ' fish ' and they immediately rush to the kitchen . No Skyping today , I don 't know what happened to my brother who was supposed to call me , he hasn 't been online at all . Anyway , one last short crunchy walk through the snow and ice for Ben before bed time . I hope we wake up tomorrow morning and it has all gone , it 's getting a bit of a pain now having to tread very slowly and carefully trying not to fall over . I 'm glad you all didn 't throw a brick at me , I am not usually so grumpy . I took Ben out this morning , and thought how nice it is to live in a village . People are so friendly , people that I hardly know or have never seen before , all smile and say hello . Passing the time of day with the postman as he rushes to complete his deliveries , waving to my elderly neighbour who sits by the window , and chatting to the church gardener as he takes his dog for a walk . We had a big snowfall last night so I expected to wake up to snow halfway up the doors , but I am pleased to say it has started to melt . I like to keep my driveway snow free so I don 't drag it into the house on my boots . My friends Alex and Irene are on their way to Edinburgh as I type , I hope they get there safely . It 's not a journey I would like to undertake at this time of year , especially as the weather forecast is not good , predicting snow and ice . They have a large family and they all like to meet up for the Christmas celebrations . Thank you for your good wishes , I hope everyone has a lovely time . Cyberkim , I can remember working at Christmas , and I didn 't mind at all . In fact the best New Years Eve I had was tucked up in my bed in my lorry , night heater humming , down south somewhere , listening to Big Ben at midnight . Ace ! I shall be blogging when the fancy takes me , my computer stays on most of the day . Not very frugal I know , but it 's my bit of fun . Catch you soon . It 's a strange time of the year for us singletons . People think we 're all going to hit the booze , watch endless trash TV , and sob uncontrollably into our hankies on the 25th , because of course , we must be lonely spending Christmas by ourselves . Tis the season of goodwill and families , and I read yet another newspaper article about sad and lonely single people , I 'm sure they churn out the same one year after year . Ok , so I am getting on a bit , no geezer in tow , no inlaws , and no kids that are going to turn up on my doorstep with their kids , but for goodness sake , I have been living alone for nigh on 42 years . I couldn 't wait to strike out on my own when I reached 18 , I was off . So I reckon I have kind of got used to being alone at Christmas , it 's no big deal . I feel a touch of bar humbugs coming on . The build up starts earlier every year , and by the time December arrives I just wish it was all over . People ask me if I am ready for Christmas , and I want to scream , I have to stop myself from going off on a rant . I politely answer , ' I don 't do it . ' Why do people feel the need to go on a shopping frenzy , it 's a trick , Christmas is for shops to make money , that 's all . And what happens in January , everyone asks if you had a good Christmas , I smile sweetly and say yes . Anyway , I have the company of my pusscats , and Ben dog , perfect . Today I admit I did join the throngs at Tesco , to get a few treats for us . Steak for Ben , chicken for pussies , and smoked salmon for me . This happy and contented spinster will have a lovely day , and I hope you do too . I may not have time to do a post today because I am partying . The Down the Lane Christmas party has already begun , and it may go on till way after midnight . The wine is flowing and I 'm just waiting for someone to ask me to dance . If you want to join in you are most welcome , just click on the link , go to Forum , register , and find your way to the members section down in the basement . Maybe I 'll see you there , come along I 'll introduce you to a few people . www . downthelane . net It 's very cold today and we 've had more snow , so it 's best not to venture too far . Within minutes of switching the computer on this morning , I had a Skype call from my brother in India . It was amazing to be able to see him and chat with him . You can 't chat as if you are in the same room though because there is a slight delay on the signal , so you have to wait for a gap at the end of a sentence . I find this quite difficult because I am usually in a hurry when I speak . I have an awful habit of cutting in before the other person has finished , a bit annoying for them I imagine . Anyway we managed . He showed me his dog , and I showed him Bugsy cat , and then I moved the webcam around the room , and showed him the snowy garden through the window . He laughed at me wrapped up in my many layers , he was sweltering in the heat with a shirt on open to the waist . Our chat lasted 59 minutes , we arranged to have a chat on Christmas day and have a party with a few drinks and food . That will be fun . A bit later on I had another Skype link up with a friend who lives in the Orkney Isles , I haven 't seen him for about five years , when he lived in Southport , so it was nice to catch up with him and his wife . They love it up there and had just been out with the ramblers club . I went to Sue 's to take some photo 's of Bigpuss , isn 't he gorgeous . Now we will ask around to find out where he lives , and if they want him back . Ben is now here with me , laid down besides my chair . Lilly is on my knee , Bugsy laid next to Ben , and Freddie on the bed , I 'm surrounded by animals , it 's great . You 're never lonely with a pet . Good news , Bigpuss is now safe in Sue 's cat chalet , tucking into his dinner . I say ' his ' , she hasn 't checked on it 's gender yet . I think she has fallen in love with it , but there again she loves all cats . With 13 of her own her house is full of them , and each one is special . Tomorrow I will go and take some photo 's of Bigpuss , so we can look for it 's owner . At least he is safe now and has a warm bed , not wandering the streets in this bitterly cold weather . I 've been fiddling around with Skype this morning , and hey , it works : - ) Not too difficult to install . You are asked to take a snapshot of yourself for your profile , look at the webcam , smile , and click . I wondered if I really want anyone to see me in my slopping around the house gear , it 's enough to make them roll about laughing , but what the heck , let 's do it . The whole thing is rather clever , more toys to play with . I had to do a couple of tests to make sure I was working ok , test that my voice was beaming out and my speaker is working . I could hear my own voice coming back , weird . I sound just the same as when I was on the tele , a bit posh but rather intoxicated . I discovered I have four people already in my email address book who are on Skype . As soon as I imported the list across , I tried contacting Jonathan as a test . Lo and behold he was online and answered , magic . We had a lovely conversation , most of it was me laughing though . I haven 't spoken to him for nearly thirty years although we ocassionally email each other . Isn 't it just amazing that we can now chat . I have added another two people to my Skype list of contacts , so maybe later I will get to talk to them . I 'm not sure what the time difference is between here and India , so when my brother gets out of bed , or gets logged on , we will have a chat . I will leave the computer on for the rest of the day , because it will tell me as soon as he is around . I 'm chuffed that I can now chat to people all over the world for free , it will be a boon when I get shunted into an old folks home . As long as I can take my computer with me I will be happy to sit in my little room chatting to all my geriatric pals . : 0 ) We 've had some heavy snowfalls over the last couple of days , looks pretty but not nice to drive in . I got my car back from the bodyshop yesterday , the paint job looks ok , but it will have to go back because I can 't open the rear passenger door from the outside . Seems they took the door handle off and didn 't but it back on correctly . I went to the Scrapstore this afternoon for a natter and a coffee . They are closing now untill the new year . My friend Sue rang me while I was out , she thinks someone has found Bigpuss , so I went and picked her up . We went to a womans house with a cat basket but there was no one in . According to the description the woman gave her on the phone it sounds like it could be the lost cat . Now we are waiting for a phone call to go and collect it , as Sue has an empty chalet , and we can keep it there while we get some posters up around the village . The plan is to get it back to it 's owner , but we are wondering if the owner actually wants it . If I lost a cat I would have posters up all over the place and leafleting , within hours of it going missing . My brother who lives in India emailed me yesterday to ask if I have Skype , so we can talk to each other . Well I haven 't , but I bought a webcam while I was in town , so now I have to download the programme from the site and get it set up . I 'm not sure how it works but I 'll give it a try . My sister is also going to get set up with it , I 'll let you know how it goes . I was rather hoping to go out tomorrow , but with the roads being icy it would be madness to set off on a two hour journey if you don 't really have to . I wanted to go to the Dickensian Christmas Market at Grassington in North Yorkshire , the photo 's of last years event look fabulous . Such a disappointment , but it 's not worth the risk . The journey could take a lot longer if there are hold ups because of accidents . It looks like I shall have a lodger next week , I have offered to have Ben while his owner goes down to London . She could have taken him with her but it would be a lot of hassle stayingMeanqueen Let 's lighten up a bit , are you getting into the Christmas spirit ? This made me smile , my friend emailed it to me , cute kittys , all say Aaaarrrrhhhhhhh . Talking of cats , there is a lovely big ginger cat with a massive bushy tail around here , when it sees me it meeows like crazy and follows me . I was talking to my friend Sue about it who fosters cats , she has seen it as it hangs around the medical centre where she works . We are not sure where it lives or even if it has a home . I used to see it a few months ago , always in the garden of the house on the corner opposite the medical centre , but then it vanished . Now it is back . I think it has been in my house and stolen some food from my cats dishes . I was at the top of the stairs and caught a glimpse of a bushy tail disappearing out of the back door , I always leave it open so my boys can come and go as they please . At first I wondered if it was a fox , but I reckon it was big puss . It followed me last night and I picked it up , it seemed keen to stay with me . The fur underneath it and round it 's back legs is a bit dirty and matted , but it wasn 't skinny , as far as I could tell . I put it down and it followed me again . I was going to bring it home and ask around if it belongs to anybody . Not that I really want another cat though , but Sue would find a home for it if it is homeless . Anyway , big puss jumped up a six foot high fence and down the other side into a garden . I went back later to look for it but the paddock was awash with people carol singing around the tree , so I suppose puss was keeping out of the way . I spoke to Sue later on the phone and we couldn 't decide if it belonged to anyone , so we thought we would ask around first before we catnap it . Sometimes people go out and leave their cats to walk the streets all day and night , which I think is terrible . I got my Lilly because his previous owners didn 't care about him , he lives a life of luxury here with me now , compared to the dog kennel at the bottom of the garden he had before . That reminds me I must send them a ChPosted by Wow , I am glad I wrote that post yesterday , I struggled with it I must admit , afraid I might be revealing too much about myself . But it sparked a reaction and I thank everyone who added their comments . It 's too big a topic to cover in one post so I 'll stretch it out a bit more for today , don 't worry you don 't need to comment again . Billie Jane , I have some awful photo 's of myself as well , most of them get torn up because I can 't bear to see them . I can 't count the amount of times I have been looking forward to getting my photo 's back from the developers , only to be bitterly disappointed with the face staring back at me . Thank goodness for digital cameras , press delete and they are gone . Steve and Denise , Thank you for looking past my face and not just saying , ' you look alright to me ' , as most people would . You know that comment would be no help at all . If only we could get more people to look through faces . I hope 2010 is good for you . Brightandnew , I am really pleased that you like my blog , I write from the heart , no pretentions , no ego trip , just my slant on life and what I make of it . If you can pick bits out that interest you then I 'm happy . Fluttergirl , I am really chuffed that you decided to comment and share your hurt . I too remember the nasty things people said to me . Even a member of my own family was hurtfull . He once said , ' you look effing awful , why don 't you do something about yourself ' . ' Another time I overheard two men talking about me , one said , ' she 's got a face like an effing thunderstorm . ' ( Excuse the French ) . You don 't forget things like that . I hope you have a lovely life from now on . lindsey , Thankyou for your support . My mother did the wallpapering , we could only afford to buy the end of line wallpaper so had to stick it up as it came , only just enough to do one wall . She was wonderfull nothing matched in our house . Glad it made you smile , the whole house made me laugh . : - ) Sharon , I didn 't find out what BDD was till later on , and when I read about it in a magazine , I thought , wow , that 's me , Posted by Forgive me for not posting yesterday , I haven 't been feeling too well and I can 't work out why . I think a phone call to NHS Direct is imminent , however I will do this first . And now for something completely different , I feel confident at this stage to ' come out ' . No I am not gay , but there has been something going on in my life which I very rarely talk about . I have tried to explain this to a few people but the response has always been the same , awkwardness and blank looks . If you haven 't experienced it you can 't understand it . I am hoping that at least one person reading this will know what I am talking about . I may waffle on for sometime , so if you become bored , feel free to skip this bit . I don 't blame you because I can waffle . I 'll give this , ' something going on ' , a name , Body Dysmorphic Disorder , or BDD . There , I 've said it out loud and blown my cover . I 'm not writing this to get to get it off my chest , I have tried to cast it off before and it doesn 't work , it is always there , sometimes hidden and sometimes it rears it 's ugly head . If you know someone who has this , my post will help you understand . It is classed as a mental disorder though mine has never been diagnosed . In my younger years I thought hating your looks was a part of growing up , everybody did it and I would grow out of it . I never did . Hair dyed black , hairpiece , lots of thick makeup , not wearing my specs . What has prompted me to write about it at this stage is Susan Boyle . Remember when she first came onto the stage , people ridiculed her , they laughed at her , and they poked fun at her . They judged her on her looks alone . Why is it that people are so judgemental before they know all the facts . Susan admitted to struggling a bit in life , she was bullied , and suffered name calling , something I can well relate to , it happened to me . What an absolute joy when she opened her mouth and sang , finally her dream is coming true . God bless you Susan . Looking back , my BDD started with bullying at school . Of course when you are young you try and get on with thMeanqueen Most of my weekend has been taken up with Henry sitting , he came on Saturday for a sleepover . We had a lot of fun out walking , we met several other dogs which delighted Henry as he romped around with them . I managed to keep him away from dykes full of water thank goodness , so I didn 't have to give him a wash down before letting him back in the house . The cats are getting used to him now , Lilly even lets him lick his face , Lilly is a boy by the way : - ) There was a bit of commotion this morning though , Henry had followed me upstairs and I was in the bathroom , he stuck his head round the door of the office and didn 't notice Bugsy asleep . Such a kerfuffle , yelps and hissing , Henry knows when to back off though . He is becoming a very clever boy now , I can talk to him and he listens . There are some words that he understands , and if I spend a penny he knows it must be walk time and he sits looking at my jacket hanging on the hook behind the door . Helen forgot to bring his ball so we didn 't have anything to play games with , then I remembered he picks up plastic pop bottles in the street and tosses them around , and I had an empty squash bottle in the bin . This did the job of entertaining him perfectly . He was here for 24 hours , just to give Helen and Paul a break , at just over a year old he is very demanding , needing four walks a day and plenty of playtime and fun . It disrupts our routine a bit when he comes , I have to move the cats food dishes upstairs and put a barrier up at the bottom of the stairs , so Henry can 't get them . I sleep on a camp bed in the living room , with Henry on a chair , because he wants to be near me . It 's nice to have him here for visits , and to help Helen out . A couple of weeks ago I went a bike ride over the bridge , and up the other side of the River Trent . I had to cut my journey short because I was going to run out of daylight hours and I had no lights , and my backside and legs were aching . So yesterday I went in the car to see the bits that I missed . Blacktoft Sands is a nature reserve on the south side of the River Ouse about eight miles east of Goole , in East Yorkshire . It has the largest intertidal reedbed in England , and has a fascinating range of birds and other wildlife . There are six observation hides , a reception centre and picnic area . Although I don 't know a lot about the different species of birds , I do like looking round these places . It was a lovely sunny but crisp afternoon , the frost was still on the grass where the sun hadn 't reached . This is the entrance to the Marshland Hide . Inside are narrow windows all round and benches to sit on while you watch the birds . This is the view from inside the Hide , a barge is passing having unloaded at Goole Docks . It looks a lot closer than it is but it is in the channel beyond and not travelling through the reserve . The sun was setting as I left , I wasn 't sure if photo this would turn out ok but I think it 's nice . Posted by I 'm rather pleased with my bag of rubbish . It doesn 't look very artistic , it doesn 't look pretty , but it is my only bag of household rubbish that went in my grey wheelie bin destined for landfill , in two weeks . Yes this is the total sum of my rubbish that can 't be recycled , and I 'm proud if it . In fact I tell a lie , there is two empty cartons of soya milk in there , squashed flat . If I want to recycle those I have to drive ten miles there and back to the council dump , not a good idea . Most of it is cat food pouches , bits of plastic wrapping that can 't be used for anything else , and one or two labels off tins which I don 't have to remove but do , after washing and squashing . Any smallish plastic bags get used for dog poo picking , things like bread bags , insides of cereal packets , and frozen peas bags . As I don 't hand pick , I use a small plastic spade , any bag will do . I recycle all my plastics where I can , you have to check on the number in the little triangle that is stamped on the bottom . Sometimes it is so small I have to look closely over the top of my specs . This gets put in the burgundy wheelie bin along with the cardboard . The biggest filler of this bin is the boxes that the cat food pouches come in . I think that is such a waste , why can 't they just put 12 pouches in a small plastic bag , then I could use it for dog poo . My plastic boxes for paper , and tins and glass recycling get collected once a fortnight alternating with the cardboard and plastic , but I only need to put these out once every six weeks . I might have a few cans and a couple of wine bottles , maybe an odd coffee jar or honey jar , but that 's about it . My newspaper box has junk mail and the free newspapers , so not much there to collect . So the biggest creator of everyday rubbish in my house is the cats , the other bag that goes into my grey bin is their dirty cat litter . I use the clumping type and try to keep it to a minimum by using the plastic spade to lift out the soiled material , then top up with fresh . Every week I run it down and give the boxesPosted by I 've made a profit today , must write that in my little book . Today I spent nothing but made a profit . I took Henry for a walk in the woods , we had a lovely time , he was romping about getting filthy and I was huffing and puffing climbing back up the steep bank to the top . I just happened to look down , being carefull trying not to lose my footing on the wet leaves and twigs and fall buttocks over chest , to put it politely , ha ha . I spied a coin , a very dirty coin it must have been there for a long time . I picked it up , how lucky that I had looked down at precisely that moment in that particular spot . I must have had an angel guiding me , perhaps I have an inbuilt radar which was picking up the signal from this coin . I had been selected from the many people who walk through the woods , to be the one who would have this lucky find . Perhaps it 's an omen , fate that I found the coin , perhaps there is more good luck coming my way , how exciting . Maybe tomorrow I ought to go to the shop and put the ten pence coin towards a lottery ticket . You never know , this could be my lucky break . I 've just been watching a magazine programe on the iplayer , and one of the stories was about getting help with managing your money when you are struggling to make ends meet . I agree there is a need for the government to fund places where people can go and talk to an advisor about their problems , but I can 't help thinking that instead of getting right down to the nitty gritty , they just paper over the cracks . The programe featured two similar stories of hardship , one a single mother bringing up three children on around £ 800 of benefits a month , and a pensioner also living on a similar amount . They both have debts of £ 5 , 000 . They were advised to start writing down every penny they spend in a notebook , so they can see where their money is going , something I think everybody should be doing regardless of whether they need to or not . Even people who earn a lot of money can easily find their spending spiraling out of control if they don 't monitor it . The camera followed the mum of three as she did her shopping , and she talked about seeing things she liked but couldn 't have them because she couldn 't afford it . She picked up an aerosol can , looked at it and put it back on the shelf , to illustrate her point . I thought that was a good sign , at least she was trying to keep her spending in check . But later she said she spent £ 300 on each of her children at Christmas , and got them a large present as well . Now I can see how she got herself in debt . One thing that baffles me is why some people don 't understand the difference between luxuries and necessities , because if they did they would be halfway to solving their problems . If you see something and think , I wish I could buy that , wouldn 't it be better not to look in the first place ? If you can 't afford something and it causes you a lot of sadness and you think you are being deprived of a fundemental right to own that object , you are close on to becoming a slave of consumerism . When I say look at the nitty gritty of spending , I mean an indepth conversation about why you want to Posted by I can 't decide where I fit in any more . I feel young but I am not young , I look younger than my years ( so I 'm told ) , I am not old and certainly don 't feel old . My head thinks I am 29 but I look more like 50 . I 've done a lot of living but I 've still more to do , so I must be somewhere in the middle . I know I 'm not a teenager because I don 't like their music , and I don 't go out on a Saturday night to drink myself silly and throw up everywhere . But I know I 'm not old because I don 't wear cardigans and pearls , and play bingo down the club . What 's brought all this on you might ask . Well , I went out today to the DHL Retired Employees Christmas Dinner , very nice it was , in a local pub . It 's the first time I have ever been , they meet three times a year for a meal and a natter . Everyone was very friendly , they made me feel most welcome , but I can 't get my head round the fact that I am a pensioner . Looking around I realised I was the youngest person there , and I felt completely out of place . So where do I go to meet people like me ? People who do daft things on a whim , unconventional people , outdoor type people with a sense of adventure . Footloose and fancyfree people who are up for a challenge and not afraid of making a fool out of themselves . Where are they all , or am I the only one ? I did a bit of tidying this morning , only a bit mind you , half an hour is about my limit . My living room tables were disappearing under masses of crafting bits and bobs , a sort out definately needed . One table is against the back wall under the window where the cats sit in the sun , that 's when we get any . They jump on the chair , then onto the table and climb onto the window sill , leaving a trail of cat hairs floating around . I decided to strip everything off the table and pull it out so that I could clean behind the radiator . The tablecloth started life as a bed sheet , I opened it out and gave it a good shake outside and refolded it with a clean side on the outside , and put it back on again , no point in washing it untill all sides are dirty . Most of my housework consists of a quick whip round with the Dyson once a month , but today I decided to do my thorough six monthly job by getting down on my hands and knees and using the hose with the attachment , to get right into the corners . When you get your face down near the carpet , especially a dark coloured floral carpet like mine , you can see all the bits you have missed when Dysoning standing up . I put the table and chairs back when I had cleaned underneath , and put the items on a tray on the table rather than have them scattered everywhere . By this time I was getting fed up of cleaning and decided to leave the rest of the room for another day . Last week I bought a bag of plastic shower curtain rings from a charity shop for 50p . Today I got my spare curtains out of the cupboard and used the rings to hang them on top of the curtains already up . This gives it an extra thickness , hopefully keeping it a bit warmer inside , well it would be warm if I actually put the heating on . I am determined to soldier on without it , only flicking the switch if I am absolutely freezing cold . At the moment I am back to my old habit of last winter , of wearing loads of clothes indoors , including coat , scarf , and gloves . This morning I washed my hair in the kitchen sink with two kettles of hotPosted by I 've just listened to The Archers omnibus , the only soap I follow . It 's a pleasant bit of chitter chatter and I can be getting on with other jobs while I listen . Some of the story lines are very emotional , especially the one at the moment about Jack Woolley going into a care home . Peggy his wife was becoming worn out , because his advancing dementure is becoming too much for her to cope with . Now he seems settled in and has a few of his personal possessions around him , poor Peggy now has the guilt to cope with , leaving him in a prison , as she put it . It reminds me of an incident some years ago , my brother in law had an elderly aunt and uncle in their late eighties living in a care home in Lancashire . They wanted to move to the Midlands so that my sister and her husband could visit more often . A place was found and a date was set to move them . My brother in law hired a box trailer and I went with them to help with loading and unloading the furniture . I remember it clearly , we were ready to leave , checking we had picked everything up , and the elderly couple settled comfortably in the car . I was shocked , we only had half a trailer load . Surely there should be more , went through my mind , is this all you end up with after living on this planet for almost ninety years . It made me very sad that this small pile of possessions was all they had left to show for a long life . That image of the half full trailer has stayed with me , will that be all I have left as well . Now , several years later I see things differently , I look around my house and think someone else will have to remove this eventually , so why not make a start now . Don 't put the burden onto whoever is left , they will probably throw most of it in a skip anyway , but gradually wind it down , sort it out , and pass it on to someone who will make good use of it . Recycle now before it is too late , this could be the answer to save the planet . When all the shops have nothing left to sell and close their doors , and I do believe that will happen eventually , that 's when we starPosted by It was a lovely sunny start to the day so I decided to go out . I had it in mind to try and get in the festive spirit and visit the big Christmas Market in Lincoln , it really is spectacular . But the thought of being squashed amongst thousands of visitors and herded around like sheep , peering over peoples heads trying to get a look at the stalls , just didn 't appeal . So I went for my second choice , the healthy option . I arrived at Donna Nook just after midday , and although there was a lot of people about I managed to get a place in the car park . You wont find Donna Nook in a road atlas because the road leading up to it is a dead end before you fall into the sea . It is near the village of North Somercotes , half way between Cleethorpes and Mablethorpe on the Lincolnshire coast . It is home to an RAF bombing range , but that wasn 't what I had come to see . This is also a Wildlife Trust nature reserve , and every year at this time hundreds of seals come onto the sand dunes to give birth . It has one of the largest and most accessible breeding colonies of the grey seal in the UK . From 27th October to 30th November , 1 , 082 pups have been born . The conditions for them are ideal here , mainly saltmarshes , inter - tidal mudflats , and sandbanks . You can walk along a footpath which is separated by a fence from the breeding area . The seals come very close , it 's very tempting to reach out and touch the pups , but you must not , because the mothers would smell your scent and abandon them . It 's a wonderful sight , those gorgeous big eyes just melt your heart . Leaving Donna Nook I decided to vist the Seal Sanctuary at Mablethorpe ten miles down the coast . There is a hospital for rescued seals , some of them have been caught up in fishing nets , and are at various stages of treatment . Eventually when they make a full recovery they will be released back into the wild . They have two permanent residents that have been there since 1986 , they can 't be released because they are both blind , so they will live out their days at the sanctuary . I think my sePosted by I think my diet may be a bit lacking at the moment , I have lost about four pounds in the last few weeks , without trying to . I eat lots of vegetables , probably too much and nothing else . I can be a bit obsessed about not eating any junk food at all , but maybe a little bit wouldn 't be so bad . I must try and introduce a bit more variety into my meals , so this is what I bought today , and some of the reasons for my choices . 6 pieces of frozen salmon for £ 4 . 50 , that is 75p per piece , so I should be able to keep within my £ 1 per meal limit if I add some veg . 6 pieces of frozen tuna steaks for £ 3 . 69 , that 's 73p per piece so again it keeps it down to £ 1 . 2 . 5k potatoes for 99p . A savoy cabbage for 29pA huge butternut squash for 49pBroccoli 33pPack of six custard tarts reduced from £ 1 to 65p . One thing that bothers me about them is that I don 't think they use free range eggs . I will have to cope with the guilt but I wouldn 't buy them at full price . 2 frozen fish pies at £ 1 each . I don 't normally buy processed ready meals but they are handy to have now and then if you don 't feel like cooking . I put extra frozen peas or sweetcorn in them before I microwave them , to bulk it up a bit . 2 large pots of organic yoghurt at £ 1 each . I normally buy six small pots for £ 1 , but I got the large ones because they are probiotic and are supposed to be better for you . I will try and spin them out into six portions per pot so it won 't be any more expensive than the single ones . A small cheese and tomato pizza for 46p . A bit sparse with the topping but I shall add a few extras to make it a meal for under £ 1 . Pizzas are never usually on my shopping list . A packet of choc digestive biscuits for 33p , Tesco Value brand . Don 't tell me off , I never buy biscuits , but I fancied a bit of chocolate and the biscuits are a cheaper option . I will try and make them last me the week . Wholemeal loaf reduced from 66p to 46pPacket of 6 oatcakes for 39p . These will make 3 lunches , fill with cheese and tomato and microwave , scrummy . Packet of 6 potato cakes , reducPosted by Good morning , another new day another fresh start . I awoke this morning and remembered what I have to do today , take my car to the garage for them to assess the damage inflicted upon it yesterday . Now I have had time to mull things over in my mind I can 't help wondering why pick my car out of several others that were parked in the street . Was it someone who knows me , possibly someone who wants to hurt me . I don 't normally make enemies but you can never tell what goes on in someone 's deranged mind . I have one or two suspicions , but of course with no witnesses and no cctv cameras , I am unable to follow it up . The police are going to make some enquiries but I don 't expect them to make any arrests . I remember many years ago I was shocked and horrified when someone I knew said he had done exactly the same thing to a car which had parked quite legally outside his house . It had annoyed him so he thought he would teach the owner a lesson so they wouldn 't park there again . He got his come uppance though , several months later we met up and went for a coffee . On our return to the car park someone had scratched the side of his car . He was quite annoyed by it , I kept my mouth shut , muttering under my breath , you reap what you sow . Now he wasn 't a dodgy character at all , in fact he held a very responsible position working in partnership with the police force . His behaviour was not what you would expect from someone who was held with high regard . It just goes to show , you don 't know what is going on in someone 's mind . Anyway time to move on , no point in crying over spilt milk , there are people who have many more worries than I do . I just heard on the news about a young man who who was also the victim of a violent act yesterday , only he paid for it with his life . Someone had tried to grab his laptop , he tried to stop them and was shot in the stomach by the assailant , he subsequently died . A tragic story . It puts everything into perspective , I may be £ 100 lighter , but I still have my life . So sorry for the young man and his familyPosted by There are some days when I would like to live as far away as possible from other human beings , and today is one of those days . Sometime between 2pm and 2 . 20pm today , my car was vandalised . Someone decided they would have a bit of fun and scrape down the side with a sharp instrument , I think they generally use a key . From front to back there is a wavy scratch , down to the metal , and the whole side will have to be resprayed . What goes through someone 's mind when they do that ? Why pick on my car ? I was parked at the back of the Scrapstore after unloading some stuff I had collected from a couple of businesses , doing my bit of voluntary work . I had a cup of coffee and a chat and came out to find that some pathetic excuse for a human being had decided to land me with a bill for £ 100 and an insurance claim . I feel as if I have been personally attacked myself , I feel very saddened that there are a lot of evil nasty people roaming about , and I do despair at what is happening in the world . Thank goodness for cats . No matter how angry or upset I am , I still have Lilly and Freddie both trying to sit on my knee as I type this . I have already given up my comfortable office chair for Lilly to sit on and I am on a hard dining room chair , but no that isn 't enough , he has climbed onto the desk , gone round the back of the computer , and is now balanced once again on my knee . He makes me laugh with his determination to succeed and get what he wants . What would we do without cats eh ! Oh well , onward and upward . I 've just been reading an article about someone who claims to have lived without money for a year , none coming in and none going out . I find that very hard to believe . Mark Boyle is 28 and lives in a borrowed caravan on an organic farm near Bristol , he volunteers his services on the farm , presumably to cover his rent and access to a clean water supply . It sounds all very romantic , living off your own means without the burden of modern day stresses and strains , but I 'm sure if you asked homeless people living on the streets , they wouldn 't think it was an ideal situation to be in at all . If you have no money coming in you have to rely on the goodness of others to help you out , which to me sounds a bit selfish if your situation is self imposed . If you plan to barter your services in exchange for food , light , heat etc , then that is more acceptable , but there are bound to be people who feel sorry for you and donate something out of the goodness of their heart . At what point does this turn into begging ? As you know I do believe you can live off very little money , but I would not like to live off no money at all . I tried living in a caravan once , though I did have a paid job , my house was sold and the money was in the bank waiting to buy another . It was quite nice not to have to pay utility bills , council tax , or mortgage . My job was a short pleasant walk down the road to the cement works , I could shower there when the day was finished before I walked back to make my dinner . The downside was that after a few months I ran out of clean clothes and bedding , no launderette in the middle of the countryside . I got fed up of the cramped kitchen , no room to make decent meals , no fridge , and the condensation inside made everything damp . It was also very lonely , I used to go walking a lot just to get out and meet people , and then it got to November and it was so cold I went to bed as soon as I had my dinner at 6pm . Then I bought another house . As an experiment , I believe living without money is something everyone should do for a whilPosted by Hello , I am a 68 year old retired lorry driver . After trucking for 32 years I 'd had enough , went part time when I was in my mid 50 's and stopped altogether when I reached 60 . Yippeeee , now I am free to do as I like . I live with three cats , I make do and mend being very careful with my spending , only buying what I need . I have no qualms about buying second hand from car boot sales and charity shops , and getting free stuff from skip diving . Money saved is put towards holidays , a decent car , and days out . I love life , and it needn 't cost a fortune to enjoy it . We start on January 1st 2017 . There won 't be a dedicated page to log the miles , instead members of the Walking Group will need to declare their intention to start , with a comment on the first post of the year , and report in on the 1st of every month after that with their own mileage . Please remember to do that , as it will be the only record of your progress . Onward we go , new and old members welcome . Let 's work hard to keep in good shape . Follow by Email Hi . This is an advert free , non sponsored , all my own words , blog . I won 't try to sell you something , I don 't accept freebies , either goods or services , in return for reviews . There are no sponsored or guest posts , no annoying adverts . Welcome and come on in . |
Thank you to everyone for your kind wishes , I really do appreciate it . This is the first time I have lost a pet , you think you can cope , but it has knocked the stuffing out of me . The first night I hardly slept a wink . I had taken Freddie straight from the vet to the pet crematorium and said my goodbyes there . Before this happened I thought I might bury my cats in the garden when the time came , but the ground is hard , and I would be so upset I doubt I could find the strength and courage to go through with it . Also if I moved house I would still be leaving them behind . So I though cremation would be best . In the spring I will pick a nice day , when the sun shines and the new growth is coming through on the bushes , I will scatter his ashes in the places where he did his territorial spraying , so he will still be doing his duty and scaring the other cats away . I felt a bit better this morning , after a good nights sleep , so I went off for a walk as it was nice and sunny . My friend told me that someone had taken a vehicle onto the footpath along the top of the woods , between here and the picnic area , and at the point where the water naturally flows down from the fields and into the woods , the ground had been churned up that bad the path was now impassible . I went to have a look . They had come down from the posh housing estate and flattened the security post on the tarmac snicket , put there to stop youths driving onto the walking area . The size of the tyre tracks made me think it was some kind of dumper truck , definately a four wheel drive vehicle . I followed the tracks to the the water crossing , it was a mess . They had tried to turn round at that point and gouged great deep ruts into the ground , it 's a wonder the vehicle didn 't turn over . I was so annoyed that someone had made so much mess on our lovely footpath . A lot of people use this route , it 's a very popular picturesque place to walk . I had a bit of time to spare so I set about looking for wood to cover it so that people could get by without too much difficulty . I kMeanqueen I 'm just going to do this post quickly because I am crying buckets . I took Freddie to the vet today because he had stopped eating and was very lethargic . He had his Christmas chicken dinner on Friday and Saturday , but then he didn 't eat much more after that . The vet said he had a big lump in his stomach , he took a sample of fluid from him , the vet said it doesn 't look good . He started to tell me about what could be done , xray , scan , then cutting him open . It seemed such a lot to put a cat through , with no guarantee that the outcome would give him a good quality of life . He mentioned the words cancer and tumour and I realised what we had to do . I held Freddie while he went to sleep . My poor little Freddie , he turned up on my doorstep as a stray in a terrible mess , about seven years ago . A fiesty little fella , he ruled the roost and had us all trembling in our boots . Goodbye my little friend , sleep tight . Posted by The garden has looked lovely and clean these past few days , with a thick layer of snow covering up all the ugliness of the empty veg beds , and those where I have yet to pull up the last few dying plants . Today the sun is out and the ugliness is back . The lawn is covered in a white sliced loaf of bread torn to shreds and offered as bird food , along with fat balls , rotting apples , and a scattering of bird seed . The frying pan / bird bath is now visible and even though it is filled with fresh water , our feathered friends are not in a hurry to hop into it . As I followed Ben round the garden for his morning stroll I noticed that two of the raised beds have been used as a feline toilet , several little squiggly mounds are laid on the top . Despite my attempts at putting barriers over them , they have managed to squeeze under and between the branches I laid on top of the plastic trellis covering the surface . They must have given up trying to bury it , which I suppose is a good thing , because at least I can see it to scrape it off with a trowel , rather than sticking my hands into it in the spring when planting time comes around again . : - ( My defences need to be reinforced , I gathered up the plastic tubs , pots , and pieces of wood that were scattered around and placed them on any bare sections of compost which might be the next target . I lifted a piece of wood which was laid over the join between two of the beds , there is a gap of a few inches here , and underneath I found a prickly ball . Horace the hedgehog was asleep . I quickly replaced the wood , not wanting to disturb him . I though hedgehogs buried themselves under piles of leaves and twigs , this one did not seem adequately covered . Not wanting the poor little mite to freeze to death , I got some plastic sheeting and made a tent over his hideaway . I do hope him and his friend survive and come back next spring . They came onto the lawn every night last summer because they knew there was a feast to be had , it was lovely to watch them . The tall silver birch trees in the next garden arePosted by A month or so ago I posted a picture of a stone I had covered in crochet , and added some beads for decoration , just to remind you here it is again . Now I have some more stones finished which are going to be part of a larger table decoration . It 's taking a bit of time to complete because I have a picture in my mind as to what I want the finished piece to look like . I have to be happy with each part of it , design wise , and the construction has to be as good as I can make it . I want to move a bit sideways with my creations , thinking further out of the box , using my imagination to make things more artistically appealing rather than having a practical use . I loved the tv programme , School of Saatchi , where six young people were given the task of creating pieces of art . Fascinating to see how different people 's interpretation of art manifests itself . Anyway , I thought I would let you have a sneak preview of my new creation . I have finished six of the stones . To keep the cost as close to nil as I can , I am using found , recycled , or rubbish items that would be thrown away . Here is one stone . The springs are from a video recorder which I have taken apart . I have painted them with nail varnish , and stitched them onto the crochet covered stone . I rather like this one , the colours contrast nicely . The problem I had with the two long thin springs was the nail varnish chipped off when I bent them into an arc , so I had to repaint them once they were sewn on . Maybe I 'll put a picture of another one on soon . Posted by I can 't stop yawning , don 't know why , I haven 't done much today . Perhaps it 's the two glasses of wine and the glass of sherry , or sittting in front of the computer watching two episodes of Coronation Street , one hour of Victoria Wood , The Fattest Man in Britain film , and the Queens speech . Or it could be the three dog walks that has worn me out , or the hour I spent chatting to my friend who is coming down with some nasty flu like symptoms . I did wash my hands and face and brush my teeth when I got back though , so I hope I haven 't caught any of the germs that might have been flying around . Ben was well impressed with his steak , there is enough left for tomorrow , and the cats were equally thrilled with their grilled chicken breasts . I will open a tin of tuna for them tomorrow for their Boxing Day treat . I only have to say the word ' fish ' and they immediately rush to the kitchen . No Skyping today , I don 't know what happened to my brother who was supposed to call me , he hasn 't been online at all . Anyway , one last short crunchy walk through the snow and ice for Ben before bed time . I hope we wake up tomorrow morning and it has all gone , it 's getting a bit of a pain now having to tread very slowly and carefully trying not to fall over . I 'm glad you all didn 't throw a brick at me , I am not usually so grumpy . I took Ben out this morning , and thought how nice it is to live in a village . People are so friendly , people that I hardly know or have never seen before , all smile and say hello . Passing the time of day with the postman as he rushes to complete his deliveries , waving to my elderly neighbour who sits by the window , and chatting to the church gardener as he takes his dog for a walk . We had a big snowfall last night so I expected to wake up to snow halfway up the doors , but I am pleased to say it has started to melt . I like to keep my driveway snow free so I don 't drag it into the house on my boots . My friends Alex and Irene are on their way to Edinburgh as I type , I hope they get there safely . It 's not a journey I would like to undertake at this time of year , especially as the weather forecast is not good , predicting snow and ice . They have a large family and they all like to meet up for the Christmas celebrations . Thank you for your good wishes , I hope everyone has a lovely time . Cyberkim , I can remember working at Christmas , and I didn 't mind at all . In fact the best New Years Eve I had was tucked up in my bed in my lorry , night heater humming , down south somewhere , listening to Big Ben at midnight . Ace ! I shall be blogging when the fancy takes me , my computer stays on most of the day . Not very frugal I know , but it 's my bit of fun . Catch you soon . It 's a strange time of the year for us singletons . People think we 're all going to hit the booze , watch endless trash TV , and sob uncontrollably into our hankies on the 25th , because of course , we must be lonely spending Christmas by ourselves . Tis the season of goodwill and families , and I read yet another newspaper article about sad and lonely single people , I 'm sure they churn out the same one year after year . Ok , so I am getting on a bit , no geezer in tow , no inlaws , and no kids that are going to turn up on my doorstep with their kids , but for goodness sake , I have been living alone for nigh on 42 years . I couldn 't wait to strike out on my own when I reached 18 , I was off . So I reckon I have kind of got used to being alone at Christmas , it 's no big deal . I feel a touch of bar humbugs coming on . The build up starts earlier every year , and by the time December arrives I just wish it was all over . People ask me if I am ready for Christmas , and I want to scream , I have to stop myself from going off on a rant . I politely answer , ' I don 't do it . ' Why do people feel the need to go on a shopping frenzy , it 's a trick , Christmas is for shops to make money , that 's all . And what happens in January , everyone asks if you had a good Christmas , I smile sweetly and say yes . Anyway , I have the company of my pusscats , and Ben dog , perfect . Today I admit I did join the throngs at Tesco , to get a few treats for us . Steak for Ben , chicken for pussies , and smoked salmon for me . This happy and contented spinster will have a lovely day , and I hope you do too . I may not have time to do a post today because I am partying . The Down the Lane Christmas party has already begun , and it may go on till way after midnight . The wine is flowing and I 'm just waiting for someone to ask me to dance . If you want to join in you are most welcome , just click on the link , go to Forum , register , and find your way to the members section down in the basement . Maybe I 'll see you there , come along I 'll introduce you to a few people . www . downthelane . net It 's very cold today and we 've had more snow , so it 's best not to venture too far . Within minutes of switching the computer on this morning , I had a Skype call from my brother in India . It was amazing to be able to see him and chat with him . You can 't chat as if you are in the same room though because there is a slight delay on the signal , so you have to wait for a gap at the end of a sentence . I find this quite difficult because I am usually in a hurry when I speak . I have an awful habit of cutting in before the other person has finished , a bit annoying for them I imagine . Anyway we managed . He showed me his dog , and I showed him Bugsy cat , and then I moved the webcam around the room , and showed him the snowy garden through the window . He laughed at me wrapped up in my many layers , he was sweltering in the heat with a shirt on open to the waist . Our chat lasted 59 minutes , we arranged to have a chat on Christmas day and have a party with a few drinks and food . That will be fun . A bit later on I had another Skype link up with a friend who lives in the Orkney Isles , I haven 't seen him for about five years , when he lived in Southport , so it was nice to catch up with him and his wife . They love it up there and had just been out with the ramblers club . I went to Sue 's to take some photo 's of Bigpuss , isn 't he gorgeous . Now we will ask around to find out where he lives , and if they want him back . Ben is now here with me , laid down besides my chair . Lilly is on my knee , Bugsy laid next to Ben , and Freddie on the bed , I 'm surrounded by animals , it 's great . You 're never lonely with a pet . Good news , Bigpuss is now safe in Sue 's cat chalet , tucking into his dinner . I say ' his ' , she hasn 't checked on it 's gender yet . I think she has fallen in love with it , but there again she loves all cats . With 13 of her own her house is full of them , and each one is special . Tomorrow I will go and take some photo 's of Bigpuss , so we can look for it 's owner . At least he is safe now and has a warm bed , not wandering the streets in this bitterly cold weather . I 've been fiddling around with Skype this morning , and hey , it works : - ) Not too difficult to install . You are asked to take a snapshot of yourself for your profile , look at the webcam , smile , and click . I wondered if I really want anyone to see me in my slopping around the house gear , it 's enough to make them roll about laughing , but what the heck , let 's do it . The whole thing is rather clever , more toys to play with . I had to do a couple of tests to make sure I was working ok , test that my voice was beaming out and my speaker is working . I could hear my own voice coming back , weird . I sound just the same as when I was on the tele , a bit posh but rather intoxicated . I discovered I have four people already in my email address book who are on Skype . As soon as I imported the list across , I tried contacting Jonathan as a test . Lo and behold he was online and answered , magic . We had a lovely conversation , most of it was me laughing though . I haven 't spoken to him for nearly thirty years although we ocassionally email each other . Isn 't it just amazing that we can now chat . I have added another two people to my Skype list of contacts , so maybe later I will get to talk to them . I 'm not sure what the time difference is between here and India , so when my brother gets out of bed , or gets logged on , we will have a chat . I will leave the computer on for the rest of the day , because it will tell me as soon as he is around . I 'm chuffed that I can now chat to people all over the world for free , it will be a boon when I get shunted into an old folks home . As long as I can take my computer with me I will be happy to sit in my little room chatting to all my geriatric pals . : 0 ) We 've had some heavy snowfalls over the last couple of days , looks pretty but not nice to drive in . I got my car back from the bodyshop yesterday , the paint job looks ok , but it will have to go back because I can 't open the rear passenger door from the outside . Seems they took the door handle off and didn 't but it back on correctly . I went to the Scrapstore this afternoon for a natter and a coffee . They are closing now untill the new year . My friend Sue rang me while I was out , she thinks someone has found Bigpuss , so I went and picked her up . We went to a womans house with a cat basket but there was no one in . According to the description the woman gave her on the phone it sounds like it could be the lost cat . Now we are waiting for a phone call to go and collect it , as Sue has an empty chalet , and we can keep it there while we get some posters up around the village . The plan is to get it back to it 's owner , but we are wondering if the owner actually wants it . If I lost a cat I would have posters up all over the place and leafleting , within hours of it going missing . My brother who lives in India emailed me yesterday to ask if I have Skype , so we can talk to each other . Well I haven 't , but I bought a webcam while I was in town , so now I have to download the programme from the site and get it set up . I 'm not sure how it works but I 'll give it a try . My sister is also going to get set up with it , I 'll let you know how it goes . I was rather hoping to go out tomorrow , but with the roads being icy it would be madness to set off on a two hour journey if you don 't really have to . I wanted to go to the Dickensian Christmas Market at Grassington in North Yorkshire , the photo 's of last years event look fabulous . Such a disappointment , but it 's not worth the risk . The journey could take a lot longer if there are hold ups because of accidents . It looks like I shall have a lodger next week , I have offered to have Ben while his owner goes down to London . She could have taken him with her but it would be a lot of hassle stayingMeanqueen Let 's lighten up a bit , are you getting into the Christmas spirit ? This made me smile , my friend emailed it to me , cute kittys , all say Aaaarrrrhhhhhhh . Talking of cats , there is a lovely big ginger cat with a massive bushy tail around here , when it sees me it meeows like crazy and follows me . I was talking to my friend Sue about it who fosters cats , she has seen it as it hangs around the medical centre where she works . We are not sure where it lives or even if it has a home . I used to see it a few months ago , always in the garden of the house on the corner opposite the medical centre , but then it vanished . Now it is back . I think it has been in my house and stolen some food from my cats dishes . I was at the top of the stairs and caught a glimpse of a bushy tail disappearing out of the back door , I always leave it open so my boys can come and go as they please . At first I wondered if it was a fox , but I reckon it was big puss . It followed me last night and I picked it up , it seemed keen to stay with me . The fur underneath it and round it 's back legs is a bit dirty and matted , but it wasn 't skinny , as far as I could tell . I put it down and it followed me again . I was going to bring it home and ask around if it belongs to anybody . Not that I really want another cat though , but Sue would find a home for it if it is homeless . Anyway , big puss jumped up a six foot high fence and down the other side into a garden . I went back later to look for it but the paddock was awash with people carol singing around the tree , so I suppose puss was keeping out of the way . I spoke to Sue later on the phone and we couldn 't decide if it belonged to anyone , so we thought we would ask around first before we catnap it . Sometimes people go out and leave their cats to walk the streets all day and night , which I think is terrible . I got my Lilly because his previous owners didn 't care about him , he lives a life of luxury here with me now , compared to the dog kennel at the bottom of the garden he had before . That reminds me I must send them a ChPosted by Wow , I am glad I wrote that post yesterday , I struggled with it I must admit , afraid I might be revealing too much about myself . But it sparked a reaction and I thank everyone who added their comments . It 's too big a topic to cover in one post so I 'll stretch it out a bit more for today , don 't worry you don 't need to comment again . Billie Jane , I have some awful photo 's of myself as well , most of them get torn up because I can 't bear to see them . I can 't count the amount of times I have been looking forward to getting my photo 's back from the developers , only to be bitterly disappointed with the face staring back at me . Thank goodness for digital cameras , press delete and they are gone . Steve and Denise , Thank you for looking past my face and not just saying , ' you look alright to me ' , as most people would . You know that comment would be no help at all . If only we could get more people to look through faces . I hope 2010 is good for you . Brightandnew , I am really pleased that you like my blog , I write from the heart , no pretentions , no ego trip , just my slant on life and what I make of it . If you can pick bits out that interest you then I 'm happy . Fluttergirl , I am really chuffed that you decided to comment and share your hurt . I too remember the nasty things people said to me . Even a member of my own family was hurtfull . He once said , ' you look effing awful , why don 't you do something about yourself ' . ' Another time I overheard two men talking about me , one said , ' she 's got a face like an effing thunderstorm . ' ( Excuse the French ) . You don 't forget things like that . I hope you have a lovely life from now on . lindsey , Thankyou for your support . My mother did the wallpapering , we could only afford to buy the end of line wallpaper so had to stick it up as it came , only just enough to do one wall . She was wonderfull nothing matched in our house . Glad it made you smile , the whole house made me laugh . : - ) Sharon , I didn 't find out what BDD was till later on , and when I read about it in a magazine , I thought , wow , that 's me , Posted by Forgive me for not posting yesterday , I haven 't been feeling too well and I can 't work out why . I think a phone call to NHS Direct is imminent , however I will do this first . And now for something completely different , I feel confident at this stage to ' come out ' . No I am not gay , but there has been something going on in my life which I very rarely talk about . I have tried to explain this to a few people but the response has always been the same , awkwardness and blank looks . If you haven 't experienced it you can 't understand it . I am hoping that at least one person reading this will know what I am talking about . I may waffle on for sometime , so if you become bored , feel free to skip this bit . I don 't blame you because I can waffle . I 'll give this , ' something going on ' , a name , Body Dysmorphic Disorder , or BDD . There , I 've said it out loud and blown my cover . I 'm not writing this to get to get it off my chest , I have tried to cast it off before and it doesn 't work , it is always there , sometimes hidden and sometimes it rears it 's ugly head . If you know someone who has this , my post will help you understand . It is classed as a mental disorder though mine has never been diagnosed . In my younger years I thought hating your looks was a part of growing up , everybody did it and I would grow out of it . I never did . Hair dyed black , hairpiece , lots of thick makeup , not wearing my specs . What has prompted me to write about it at this stage is Susan Boyle . Remember when she first came onto the stage , people ridiculed her , they laughed at her , and they poked fun at her . They judged her on her looks alone . Why is it that people are so judgemental before they know all the facts . Susan admitted to struggling a bit in life , she was bullied , and suffered name calling , something I can well relate to , it happened to me . What an absolute joy when she opened her mouth and sang , finally her dream is coming true . God bless you Susan . Looking back , my BDD started with bullying at school . Of course when you are young you try and get on with thMeanqueen Most of my weekend has been taken up with Henry sitting , he came on Saturday for a sleepover . We had a lot of fun out walking , we met several other dogs which delighted Henry as he romped around with them . I managed to keep him away from dykes full of water thank goodness , so I didn 't have to give him a wash down before letting him back in the house . The cats are getting used to him now , Lilly even lets him lick his face , Lilly is a boy by the way : - ) There was a bit of commotion this morning though , Henry had followed me upstairs and I was in the bathroom , he stuck his head round the door of the office and didn 't notice Bugsy asleep . Such a kerfuffle , yelps and hissing , Henry knows when to back off though . He is becoming a very clever boy now , I can talk to him and he listens . There are some words that he understands , and if I spend a penny he knows it must be walk time and he sits looking at my jacket hanging on the hook behind the door . Helen forgot to bring his ball so we didn 't have anything to play games with , then I remembered he picks up plastic pop bottles in the street and tosses them around , and I had an empty squash bottle in the bin . This did the job of entertaining him perfectly . He was here for 24 hours , just to give Helen and Paul a break , at just over a year old he is very demanding , needing four walks a day and plenty of playtime and fun . It disrupts our routine a bit when he comes , I have to move the cats food dishes upstairs and put a barrier up at the bottom of the stairs , so Henry can 't get them . I sleep on a camp bed in the living room , with Henry on a chair , because he wants to be near me . It 's nice to have him here for visits , and to help Helen out . A couple of weeks ago I went a bike ride over the bridge , and up the other side of the River Trent . I had to cut my journey short because I was going to run out of daylight hours and I had no lights , and my backside and legs were aching . So yesterday I went in the car to see the bits that I missed . Blacktoft Sands is a nature reserve on the south side of the River Ouse about eight miles east of Goole , in East Yorkshire . It has the largest intertidal reedbed in England , and has a fascinating range of birds and other wildlife . There are six observation hides , a reception centre and picnic area . Although I don 't know a lot about the different species of birds , I do like looking round these places . It was a lovely sunny but crisp afternoon , the frost was still on the grass where the sun hadn 't reached . This is the entrance to the Marshland Hide . Inside are narrow windows all round and benches to sit on while you watch the birds . This is the view from inside the Hide , a barge is passing having unloaded at Goole Docks . It looks a lot closer than it is but it is in the channel beyond and not travelling through the reserve . The sun was setting as I left , I wasn 't sure if photo this would turn out ok but I think it 's nice . Posted by I 'm rather pleased with my bag of rubbish . It doesn 't look very artistic , it doesn 't look pretty , but it is my only bag of household rubbish that went in my grey wheelie bin destined for landfill , in two weeks . Yes this is the total sum of my rubbish that can 't be recycled , and I 'm proud if it . In fact I tell a lie , there is two empty cartons of soya milk in there , squashed flat . If I want to recycle those I have to drive ten miles there and back to the council dump , not a good idea . Most of it is cat food pouches , bits of plastic wrapping that can 't be used for anything else , and one or two labels off tins which I don 't have to remove but do , after washing and squashing . Any smallish plastic bags get used for dog poo picking , things like bread bags , insides of cereal packets , and frozen peas bags . As I don 't hand pick , I use a small plastic spade , any bag will do . I recycle all my plastics where I can , you have to check on the number in the little triangle that is stamped on the bottom . Sometimes it is so small I have to look closely over the top of my specs . This gets put in the burgundy wheelie bin along with the cardboard . The biggest filler of this bin is the boxes that the cat food pouches come in . I think that is such a waste , why can 't they just put 12 pouches in a small plastic bag , then I could use it for dog poo . My plastic boxes for paper , and tins and glass recycling get collected once a fortnight alternating with the cardboard and plastic , but I only need to put these out once every six weeks . I might have a few cans and a couple of wine bottles , maybe an odd coffee jar or honey jar , but that 's about it . My newspaper box has junk mail and the free newspapers , so not much there to collect . So the biggest creator of everyday rubbish in my house is the cats , the other bag that goes into my grey bin is their dirty cat litter . I use the clumping type and try to keep it to a minimum by using the plastic spade to lift out the soiled material , then top up with fresh . Every week I run it down and give the boxesPosted by I 've made a profit today , must write that in my little book . Today I spent nothing but made a profit . I took Henry for a walk in the woods , we had a lovely time , he was romping about getting filthy and I was huffing and puffing climbing back up the steep bank to the top . I just happened to look down , being carefull trying not to lose my footing on the wet leaves and twigs and fall buttocks over chest , to put it politely , ha ha . I spied a coin , a very dirty coin it must have been there for a long time . I picked it up , how lucky that I had looked down at precisely that moment in that particular spot . I must have had an angel guiding me , perhaps I have an inbuilt radar which was picking up the signal from this coin . I had been selected from the many people who walk through the woods , to be the one who would have this lucky find . Perhaps it 's an omen , fate that I found the coin , perhaps there is more good luck coming my way , how exciting . Maybe tomorrow I ought to go to the shop and put the ten pence coin towards a lottery ticket . You never know , this could be my lucky break . I 've just been watching a magazine programe on the iplayer , and one of the stories was about getting help with managing your money when you are struggling to make ends meet . I agree there is a need for the government to fund places where people can go and talk to an advisor about their problems , but I can 't help thinking that instead of getting right down to the nitty gritty , they just paper over the cracks . The programe featured two similar stories of hardship , one a single mother bringing up three children on around £ 800 of benefits a month , and a pensioner also living on a similar amount . They both have debts of £ 5 , 000 . They were advised to start writing down every penny they spend in a notebook , so they can see where their money is going , something I think everybody should be doing regardless of whether they need to or not . Even people who earn a lot of money can easily find their spending spiraling out of control if they don 't monitor it . The camera followed the mum of three as she did her shopping , and she talked about seeing things she liked but couldn 't have them because she couldn 't afford it . She picked up an aerosol can , looked at it and put it back on the shelf , to illustrate her point . I thought that was a good sign , at least she was trying to keep her spending in check . But later she said she spent £ 300 on each of her children at Christmas , and got them a large present as well . Now I can see how she got herself in debt . One thing that baffles me is why some people don 't understand the difference between luxuries and necessities , because if they did they would be halfway to solving their problems . If you see something and think , I wish I could buy that , wouldn 't it be better not to look in the first place ? If you can 't afford something and it causes you a lot of sadness and you think you are being deprived of a fundemental right to own that object , you are close on to becoming a slave of consumerism . When I say look at the nitty gritty of spending , I mean an indepth conversation about why you want to Posted by I can 't decide where I fit in any more . I feel young but I am not young , I look younger than my years ( so I 'm told ) , I am not old and certainly don 't feel old . My head thinks I am 29 but I look more like 50 . I 've done a lot of living but I 've still more to do , so I must be somewhere in the middle . I know I 'm not a teenager because I don 't like their music , and I don 't go out on a Saturday night to drink myself silly and throw up everywhere . But I know I 'm not old because I don 't wear cardigans and pearls , and play bingo down the club . What 's brought all this on you might ask . Well , I went out today to the DHL Retired Employees Christmas Dinner , very nice it was , in a local pub . It 's the first time I have ever been , they meet three times a year for a meal and a natter . Everyone was very friendly , they made me feel most welcome , but I can 't get my head round the fact that I am a pensioner . Looking around I realised I was the youngest person there , and I felt completely out of place . So where do I go to meet people like me ? People who do daft things on a whim , unconventional people , outdoor type people with a sense of adventure . Footloose and fancyfree people who are up for a challenge and not afraid of making a fool out of themselves . Where are they all , or am I the only one ? I did a bit of tidying this morning , only a bit mind you , half an hour is about my limit . My living room tables were disappearing under masses of crafting bits and bobs , a sort out definately needed . One table is against the back wall under the window where the cats sit in the sun , that 's when we get any . They jump on the chair , then onto the table and climb onto the window sill , leaving a trail of cat hairs floating around . I decided to strip everything off the table and pull it out so that I could clean behind the radiator . The tablecloth started life as a bed sheet , I opened it out and gave it a good shake outside and refolded it with a clean side on the outside , and put it back on again , no point in washing it untill all sides are dirty . Most of my housework consists of a quick whip round with the Dyson once a month , but today I decided to do my thorough six monthly job by getting down on my hands and knees and using the hose with the attachment , to get right into the corners . When you get your face down near the carpet , especially a dark coloured floral carpet like mine , you can see all the bits you have missed when Dysoning standing up . I put the table and chairs back when I had cleaned underneath , and put the items on a tray on the table rather than have them scattered everywhere . By this time I was getting fed up of cleaning and decided to leave the rest of the room for another day . Last week I bought a bag of plastic shower curtain rings from a charity shop for 50p . Today I got my spare curtains out of the cupboard and used the rings to hang them on top of the curtains already up . This gives it an extra thickness , hopefully keeping it a bit warmer inside , well it would be warm if I actually put the heating on . I am determined to soldier on without it , only flicking the switch if I am absolutely freezing cold . At the moment I am back to my old habit of last winter , of wearing loads of clothes indoors , including coat , scarf , and gloves . This morning I washed my hair in the kitchen sink with two kettles of hotPosted by I 've just listened to The Archers omnibus , the only soap I follow . It 's a pleasant bit of chitter chatter and I can be getting on with other jobs while I listen . Some of the story lines are very emotional , especially the one at the moment about Jack Woolley going into a care home . Peggy his wife was becoming worn out , because his advancing dementure is becoming too much for her to cope with . Now he seems settled in and has a few of his personal possessions around him , poor Peggy now has the guilt to cope with , leaving him in a prison , as she put it . It reminds me of an incident some years ago , my brother in law had an elderly aunt and uncle in their late eighties living in a care home in Lancashire . They wanted to move to the Midlands so that my sister and her husband could visit more often . A place was found and a date was set to move them . My brother in law hired a box trailer and I went with them to help with loading and unloading the furniture . I remember it clearly , we were ready to leave , checking we had picked everything up , and the elderly couple settled comfortably in the car . I was shocked , we only had half a trailer load . Surely there should be more , went through my mind , is this all you end up with after living on this planet for almost ninety years . It made me very sad that this small pile of possessions was all they had left to show for a long life . That image of the half full trailer has stayed with me , will that be all I have left as well . Now , several years later I see things differently , I look around my house and think someone else will have to remove this eventually , so why not make a start now . Don 't put the burden onto whoever is left , they will probably throw most of it in a skip anyway , but gradually wind it down , sort it out , and pass it on to someone who will make good use of it . Recycle now before it is too late , this could be the answer to save the planet . When all the shops have nothing left to sell and close their doors , and I do believe that will happen eventually , that 's when we starPosted by It was a lovely sunny start to the day so I decided to go out . I had it in mind to try and get in the festive spirit and visit the big Christmas Market in Lincoln , it really is spectacular . But the thought of being squashed amongst thousands of visitors and herded around like sheep , peering over peoples heads trying to get a look at the stalls , just didn 't appeal . So I went for my second choice , the healthy option . I arrived at Donna Nook just after midday , and although there was a lot of people about I managed to get a place in the car park . You wont find Donna Nook in a road atlas because the road leading up to it is a dead end before you fall into the sea . It is near the village of North Somercotes , half way between Cleethorpes and Mablethorpe on the Lincolnshire coast . It is home to an RAF bombing range , but that wasn 't what I had come to see . This is also a Wildlife Trust nature reserve , and every year at this time hundreds of seals come onto the sand dunes to give birth . It has one of the largest and most accessible breeding colonies of the grey seal in the UK . From 27th October to 30th November , 1 , 082 pups have been born . The conditions for them are ideal here , mainly saltmarshes , inter - tidal mudflats , and sandbanks . You can walk along a footpath which is separated by a fence from the breeding area . The seals come very close , it 's very tempting to reach out and touch the pups , but you must not , because the mothers would smell your scent and abandon them . It 's a wonderful sight , those gorgeous big eyes just melt your heart . Leaving Donna Nook I decided to vist the Seal Sanctuary at Mablethorpe ten miles down the coast . There is a hospital for rescued seals , some of them have been caught up in fishing nets , and are at various stages of treatment . Eventually when they make a full recovery they will be released back into the wild . They have two permanent residents that have been there since 1986 , they can 't be released because they are both blind , so they will live out their days at the sanctuary . I think my sePosted by I think my diet may be a bit lacking at the moment , I have lost about four pounds in the last few weeks , without trying to . I eat lots of vegetables , probably too much and nothing else . I can be a bit obsessed about not eating any junk food at all , but maybe a little bit wouldn 't be so bad . I must try and introduce a bit more variety into my meals , so this is what I bought today , and some of the reasons for my choices . 6 pieces of frozen salmon for £ 4 . 50 , that is 75p per piece , so I should be able to keep within my £ 1 per meal limit if I add some veg . 6 pieces of frozen tuna steaks for £ 3 . 69 , that 's 73p per piece so again it keeps it down to £ 1 . 2 . 5k potatoes for 99p . A savoy cabbage for 29pA huge butternut squash for 49pBroccoli 33pPack of six custard tarts reduced from £ 1 to 65p . One thing that bothers me about them is that I don 't think they use free range eggs . I will have to cope with the guilt but I wouldn 't buy them at full price . 2 frozen fish pies at £ 1 each . I don 't normally buy processed ready meals but they are handy to have now and then if you don 't feel like cooking . I put extra frozen peas or sweetcorn in them before I microwave them , to bulk it up a bit . 2 large pots of organic yoghurt at £ 1 each . I normally buy six small pots for £ 1 , but I got the large ones because they are probiotic and are supposed to be better for you . I will try and spin them out into six portions per pot so it won 't be any more expensive than the single ones . A small cheese and tomato pizza for 46p . A bit sparse with the topping but I shall add a few extras to make it a meal for under £ 1 . Pizzas are never usually on my shopping list . A packet of choc digestive biscuits for 33p , Tesco Value brand . Don 't tell me off , I never buy biscuits , but I fancied a bit of chocolate and the biscuits are a cheaper option . I will try and make them last me the week . Wholemeal loaf reduced from 66p to 46pPacket of 6 oatcakes for 39p . These will make 3 lunches , fill with cheese and tomato and microwave , scrummy . Packet of 6 potato cakes , reducPosted by Good morning , another new day another fresh start . I awoke this morning and remembered what I have to do today , take my car to the garage for them to assess the damage inflicted upon it yesterday . Now I have had time to mull things over in my mind I can 't help wondering why pick my car out of several others that were parked in the street . Was it someone who knows me , possibly someone who wants to hurt me . I don 't normally make enemies but you can never tell what goes on in someone 's deranged mind . I have one or two suspicions , but of course with no witnesses and no cctv cameras , I am unable to follow it up . The police are going to make some enquiries but I don 't expect them to make any arrests . I remember many years ago I was shocked and horrified when someone I knew said he had done exactly the same thing to a car which had parked quite legally outside his house . It had annoyed him so he thought he would teach the owner a lesson so they wouldn 't park there again . He got his come uppance though , several months later we met up and went for a coffee . On our return to the car park someone had scratched the side of his car . He was quite annoyed by it , I kept my mouth shut , muttering under my breath , you reap what you sow . Now he wasn 't a dodgy character at all , in fact he held a very responsible position working in partnership with the police force . His behaviour was not what you would expect from someone who was held with high regard . It just goes to show , you don 't know what is going on in someone 's mind . Anyway time to move on , no point in crying over spilt milk , there are people who have many more worries than I do . I just heard on the news about a young man who who was also the victim of a violent act yesterday , only he paid for it with his life . Someone had tried to grab his laptop , he tried to stop them and was shot in the stomach by the assailant , he subsequently died . A tragic story . It puts everything into perspective , I may be £ 100 lighter , but I still have my life . So sorry for the young man and his familyPosted by There are some days when I would like to live as far away as possible from other human beings , and today is one of those days . Sometime between 2pm and 2 . 20pm today , my car was vandalised . Someone decided they would have a bit of fun and scrape down the side with a sharp instrument , I think they generally use a key . From front to back there is a wavy scratch , down to the metal , and the whole side will have to be resprayed . What goes through someone 's mind when they do that ? Why pick on my car ? I was parked at the back of the Scrapstore after unloading some stuff I had collected from a couple of businesses , doing my bit of voluntary work . I had a cup of coffee and a chat and came out to find that some pathetic excuse for a human being had decided to land me with a bill for £ 100 and an insurance claim . I feel as if I have been personally attacked myself , I feel very saddened that there are a lot of evil nasty people roaming about , and I do despair at what is happening in the world . Thank goodness for cats . No matter how angry or upset I am , I still have Lilly and Freddie both trying to sit on my knee as I type this . I have already given up my comfortable office chair for Lilly to sit on and I am on a hard dining room chair , but no that isn 't enough , he has climbed onto the desk , gone round the back of the computer , and is now balanced once again on my knee . He makes me laugh with his determination to succeed and get what he wants . What would we do without cats eh ! Oh well , onward and upward . I 've just been reading an article about someone who claims to have lived without money for a year , none coming in and none going out . I find that very hard to believe . Mark Boyle is 28 and lives in a borrowed caravan on an organic farm near Bristol , he volunteers his services on the farm , presumably to cover his rent and access to a clean water supply . It sounds all very romantic , living off your own means without the burden of modern day stresses and strains , but I 'm sure if you asked homeless people living on the streets , they wouldn 't think it was an ideal situation to be in at all . If you have no money coming in you have to rely on the goodness of others to help you out , which to me sounds a bit selfish if your situation is self imposed . If you plan to barter your services in exchange for food , light , heat etc , then that is more acceptable , but there are bound to be people who feel sorry for you and donate something out of the goodness of their heart . At what point does this turn into begging ? As you know I do believe you can live off very little money , but I would not like to live off no money at all . I tried living in a caravan once , though I did have a paid job , my house was sold and the money was in the bank waiting to buy another . It was quite nice not to have to pay utility bills , council tax , or mortgage . My job was a short pleasant walk down the road to the cement works , I could shower there when the day was finished before I walked back to make my dinner . The downside was that after a few months I ran out of clean clothes and bedding , no launderette in the middle of the countryside . I got fed up of the cramped kitchen , no room to make decent meals , no fridge , and the condensation inside made everything damp . It was also very lonely , I used to go walking a lot just to get out and meet people , and then it got to November and it was so cold I went to bed as soon as I had my dinner at 6pm . Then I bought another house . As an experiment , I believe living without money is something everyone should do for a whilPosted by Hello , I am a 68 year old retired lorry driver . After trucking for 32 years I 'd had enough , went part time when I was in my mid 50 's and stopped altogether when I reached 60 . Yippeeee , now I am free to do as I like . I live with three cats , I make do and mend being very careful with my spending , only buying what I need . I have no qualms about buying second hand from car boot sales and charity shops , and getting free stuff from skip diving . Money saved is put towards holidays , a decent car , and days out . I love life , and it needn 't cost a fortune to enjoy it . We start on January 1st 2017 . There won 't be a dedicated page to log the miles , instead members of the Walking Group will need to declare their intention to start , with a comment on the first post of the year , and report in on the 1st of every month after that with their own mileage . Please remember to do that , as it will be the only record of your progress . Onward we go , new and old members welcome . Let 's work hard to keep in good shape . Follow by Email Hi . This is an advert free , non sponsored , all my own words , blog . I won 't try to sell you something , I don 't accept freebies , either goods or services , in return for reviews . There are no sponsored or guest posts , no annoying adverts . Welcome and come on in . |
Thank you to everyone for your kind wishes , I really do appreciate it . This is the first time I have lost a pet , you think you can cope , but it has knocked the stuffing out of me . The first night I hardly slept a wink . I had taken Freddie straight from the vet to the pet crematorium and said my goodbyes there . Before this happened I thought I might bury my cats in the garden when the time came , but the ground is hard , and I would be so upset I doubt I could find the strength and courage to go through with it . Also if I moved house I would still be leaving them behind . So I though cremation would be best . In the spring I will pick a nice day , when the sun shines and the new growth is coming through on the bushes , I will scatter his ashes in the places where he did his territorial spraying , so he will still be doing his duty and scaring the other cats away . I felt a bit better this morning , after a good nights sleep , so I went off for a walk as it was nice and sunny . My friend told me that someone had taken a vehicle onto the footpath along the top of the woods , between here and the picnic area , and at the point where the water naturally flows down from the fields and into the woods , the ground had been churned up that bad the path was now impassible . I went to have a look . They had come down from the posh housing estate and flattened the security post on the tarmac snicket , put there to stop youths driving onto the walking area . The size of the tyre tracks made me think it was some kind of dumper truck , definately a four wheel drive vehicle . I followed the tracks to the the water crossing , it was a mess . They had tried to turn round at that point and gouged great deep ruts into the ground , it 's a wonder the vehicle didn 't turn over . I was so annoyed that someone had made so much mess on our lovely footpath . A lot of people use this route , it 's a very popular picturesque place to walk . I had a bit of time to spare so I set about looking for wood to cover it so that people could get by without too much difficulty . I kMeanqueen I 'm just going to do this post quickly because I am crying buckets . I took Freddie to the vet today because he had stopped eating and was very lethargic . He had his Christmas chicken dinner on Friday and Saturday , but then he didn 't eat much more after that . The vet said he had a big lump in his stomach , he took a sample of fluid from him , the vet said it doesn 't look good . He started to tell me about what could be done , xray , scan , then cutting him open . It seemed such a lot to put a cat through , with no guarantee that the outcome would give him a good quality of life . He mentioned the words cancer and tumour and I realised what we had to do . I held Freddie while he went to sleep . My poor little Freddie , he turned up on my doorstep as a stray in a terrible mess , about seven years ago . A fiesty little fella , he ruled the roost and had us all trembling in our boots . Goodbye my little friend , sleep tight . Posted by The garden has looked lovely and clean these past few days , with a thick layer of snow covering up all the ugliness of the empty veg beds , and those where I have yet to pull up the last few dying plants . Today the sun is out and the ugliness is back . The lawn is covered in a white sliced loaf of bread torn to shreds and offered as bird food , along with fat balls , rotting apples , and a scattering of bird seed . The frying pan / bird bath is now visible and even though it is filled with fresh water , our feathered friends are not in a hurry to hop into it . As I followed Ben round the garden for his morning stroll I noticed that two of the raised beds have been used as a feline toilet , several little squiggly mounds are laid on the top . Despite my attempts at putting barriers over them , they have managed to squeeze under and between the branches I laid on top of the plastic trellis covering the surface . They must have given up trying to bury it , which I suppose is a good thing , because at least I can see it to scrape it off with a trowel , rather than sticking my hands into it in the spring when planting time comes around again . : - ( My defences need to be reinforced , I gathered up the plastic tubs , pots , and pieces of wood that were scattered around and placed them on any bare sections of compost which might be the next target . I lifted a piece of wood which was laid over the join between two of the beds , there is a gap of a few inches here , and underneath I found a prickly ball . Horace the hedgehog was asleep . I quickly replaced the wood , not wanting to disturb him . I though hedgehogs buried themselves under piles of leaves and twigs , this one did not seem adequately covered . Not wanting the poor little mite to freeze to death , I got some plastic sheeting and made a tent over his hideaway . I do hope him and his friend survive and come back next spring . They came onto the lawn every night last summer because they knew there was a feast to be had , it was lovely to watch them . The tall silver birch trees in the next garden arePosted by A month or so ago I posted a picture of a stone I had covered in crochet , and added some beads for decoration , just to remind you here it is again . Now I have some more stones finished which are going to be part of a larger table decoration . It 's taking a bit of time to complete because I have a picture in my mind as to what I want the finished piece to look like . I have to be happy with each part of it , design wise , and the construction has to be as good as I can make it . I want to move a bit sideways with my creations , thinking further out of the box , using my imagination to make things more artistically appealing rather than having a practical use . I loved the tv programme , School of Saatchi , where six young people were given the task of creating pieces of art . Fascinating to see how different people 's interpretation of art manifests itself . Anyway , I thought I would let you have a sneak preview of my new creation . I have finished six of the stones . To keep the cost as close to nil as I can , I am using found , recycled , or rubbish items that would be thrown away . Here is one stone . The springs are from a video recorder which I have taken apart . I have painted them with nail varnish , and stitched them onto the crochet covered stone . I rather like this one , the colours contrast nicely . The problem I had with the two long thin springs was the nail varnish chipped off when I bent them into an arc , so I had to repaint them once they were sewn on . Maybe I 'll put a picture of another one on soon . Posted by I can 't stop yawning , don 't know why , I haven 't done much today . Perhaps it 's the two glasses of wine and the glass of sherry , or sittting in front of the computer watching two episodes of Coronation Street , one hour of Victoria Wood , The Fattest Man in Britain film , and the Queens speech . Or it could be the three dog walks that has worn me out , or the hour I spent chatting to my friend who is coming down with some nasty flu like symptoms . I did wash my hands and face and brush my teeth when I got back though , so I hope I haven 't caught any of the germs that might have been flying around . Ben was well impressed with his steak , there is enough left for tomorrow , and the cats were equally thrilled with their grilled chicken breasts . I will open a tin of tuna for them tomorrow for their Boxing Day treat . I only have to say the word ' fish ' and they immediately rush to the kitchen . No Skyping today , I don 't know what happened to my brother who was supposed to call me , he hasn 't been online at all . Anyway , one last short crunchy walk through the snow and ice for Ben before bed time . I hope we wake up tomorrow morning and it has all gone , it 's getting a bit of a pain now having to tread very slowly and carefully trying not to fall over . I 'm glad you all didn 't throw a brick at me , I am not usually so grumpy . I took Ben out this morning , and thought how nice it is to live in a village . People are so friendly , people that I hardly know or have never seen before , all smile and say hello . Passing the time of day with the postman as he rushes to complete his deliveries , waving to my elderly neighbour who sits by the window , and chatting to the church gardener as he takes his dog for a walk . We had a big snowfall last night so I expected to wake up to snow halfway up the doors , but I am pleased to say it has started to melt . I like to keep my driveway snow free so I don 't drag it into the house on my boots . My friends Alex and Irene are on their way to Edinburgh as I type , I hope they get there safely . It 's not a journey I would like to undertake at this time of year , especially as the weather forecast is not good , predicting snow and ice . They have a large family and they all like to meet up for the Christmas celebrations . Thank you for your good wishes , I hope everyone has a lovely time . Cyberkim , I can remember working at Christmas , and I didn 't mind at all . In fact the best New Years Eve I had was tucked up in my bed in my lorry , night heater humming , down south somewhere , listening to Big Ben at midnight . Ace ! I shall be blogging when the fancy takes me , my computer stays on most of the day . Not very frugal I know , but it 's my bit of fun . Catch you soon . It 's a strange time of the year for us singletons . People think we 're all going to hit the booze , watch endless trash TV , and sob uncontrollably into our hankies on the 25th , because of course , we must be lonely spending Christmas by ourselves . Tis the season of goodwill and families , and I read yet another newspaper article about sad and lonely single people , I 'm sure they churn out the same one year after year . Ok , so I am getting on a bit , no geezer in tow , no inlaws , and no kids that are going to turn up on my doorstep with their kids , but for goodness sake , I have been living alone for nigh on 42 years . I couldn 't wait to strike out on my own when I reached 18 , I was off . So I reckon I have kind of got used to being alone at Christmas , it 's no big deal . I feel a touch of bar humbugs coming on . The build up starts earlier every year , and by the time December arrives I just wish it was all over . People ask me if I am ready for Christmas , and I want to scream , I have to stop myself from going off on a rant . I politely answer , ' I don 't do it . ' Why do people feel the need to go on a shopping frenzy , it 's a trick , Christmas is for shops to make money , that 's all . And what happens in January , everyone asks if you had a good Christmas , I smile sweetly and say yes . Anyway , I have the company of my pusscats , and Ben dog , perfect . Today I admit I did join the throngs at Tesco , to get a few treats for us . Steak for Ben , chicken for pussies , and smoked salmon for me . This happy and contented spinster will have a lovely day , and I hope you do too . I may not have time to do a post today because I am partying . The Down the Lane Christmas party has already begun , and it may go on till way after midnight . The wine is flowing and I 'm just waiting for someone to ask me to dance . If you want to join in you are most welcome , just click on the link , go to Forum , register , and find your way to the members section down in the basement . Maybe I 'll see you there , come along I 'll introduce you to a few people . www . downthelane . net It 's very cold today and we 've had more snow , so it 's best not to venture too far . Within minutes of switching the computer on this morning , I had a Skype call from my brother in India . It was amazing to be able to see him and chat with him . You can 't chat as if you are in the same room though because there is a slight delay on the signal , so you have to wait for a gap at the end of a sentence . I find this quite difficult because I am usually in a hurry when I speak . I have an awful habit of cutting in before the other person has finished , a bit annoying for them I imagine . Anyway we managed . He showed me his dog , and I showed him Bugsy cat , and then I moved the webcam around the room , and showed him the snowy garden through the window . He laughed at me wrapped up in my many layers , he was sweltering in the heat with a shirt on open to the waist . Our chat lasted 59 minutes , we arranged to have a chat on Christmas day and have a party with a few drinks and food . That will be fun . A bit later on I had another Skype link up with a friend who lives in the Orkney Isles , I haven 't seen him for about five years , when he lived in Southport , so it was nice to catch up with him and his wife . They love it up there and had just been out with the ramblers club . I went to Sue 's to take some photo 's of Bigpuss , isn 't he gorgeous . Now we will ask around to find out where he lives , and if they want him back . Ben is now here with me , laid down besides my chair . Lilly is on my knee , Bugsy laid next to Ben , and Freddie on the bed , I 'm surrounded by animals , it 's great . You 're never lonely with a pet . Good news , Bigpuss is now safe in Sue 's cat chalet , tucking into his dinner . I say ' his ' , she hasn 't checked on it 's gender yet . I think she has fallen in love with it , but there again she loves all cats . With 13 of her own her house is full of them , and each one is special . Tomorrow I will go and take some photo 's of Bigpuss , so we can look for it 's owner . At least he is safe now and has a warm bed , not wandering the streets in this bitterly cold weather . I 've been fiddling around with Skype this morning , and hey , it works : - ) Not too difficult to install . You are asked to take a snapshot of yourself for your profile , look at the webcam , smile , and click . I wondered if I really want anyone to see me in my slopping around the house gear , it 's enough to make them roll about laughing , but what the heck , let 's do it . The whole thing is rather clever , more toys to play with . I had to do a couple of tests to make sure I was working ok , test that my voice was beaming out and my speaker is working . I could hear my own voice coming back , weird . I sound just the same as when I was on the tele , a bit posh but rather intoxicated . I discovered I have four people already in my email address book who are on Skype . As soon as I imported the list across , I tried contacting Jonathan as a test . Lo and behold he was online and answered , magic . We had a lovely conversation , most of it was me laughing though . I haven 't spoken to him for nearly thirty years although we ocassionally email each other . Isn 't it just amazing that we can now chat . I have added another two people to my Skype list of contacts , so maybe later I will get to talk to them . I 'm not sure what the time difference is between here and India , so when my brother gets out of bed , or gets logged on , we will have a chat . I will leave the computer on for the rest of the day , because it will tell me as soon as he is around . I 'm chuffed that I can now chat to people all over the world for free , it will be a boon when I get shunted into an old folks home . As long as I can take my computer with me I will be happy to sit in my little room chatting to all my geriatric pals . : 0 ) We 've had some heavy snowfalls over the last couple of days , looks pretty but not nice to drive in . I got my car back from the bodyshop yesterday , the paint job looks ok , but it will have to go back because I can 't open the rear passenger door from the outside . Seems they took the door handle off and didn 't but it back on correctly . I went to the Scrapstore this afternoon for a natter and a coffee . They are closing now untill the new year . My friend Sue rang me while I was out , she thinks someone has found Bigpuss , so I went and picked her up . We went to a womans house with a cat basket but there was no one in . According to the description the woman gave her on the phone it sounds like it could be the lost cat . Now we are waiting for a phone call to go and collect it , as Sue has an empty chalet , and we can keep it there while we get some posters up around the village . The plan is to get it back to it 's owner , but we are wondering if the owner actually wants it . If I lost a cat I would have posters up all over the place and leafleting , within hours of it going missing . My brother who lives in India emailed me yesterday to ask if I have Skype , so we can talk to each other . Well I haven 't , but I bought a webcam while I was in town , so now I have to download the programme from the site and get it set up . I 'm not sure how it works but I 'll give it a try . My sister is also going to get set up with it , I 'll let you know how it goes . I was rather hoping to go out tomorrow , but with the roads being icy it would be madness to set off on a two hour journey if you don 't really have to . I wanted to go to the Dickensian Christmas Market at Grassington in North Yorkshire , the photo 's of last years event look fabulous . Such a disappointment , but it 's not worth the risk . The journey could take a lot longer if there are hold ups because of accidents . It looks like I shall have a lodger next week , I have offered to have Ben while his owner goes down to London . She could have taken him with her but it would be a lot of hassle stayingMeanqueen Let 's lighten up a bit , are you getting into the Christmas spirit ? This made me smile , my friend emailed it to me , cute kittys , all say Aaaarrrrhhhhhhh . Talking of cats , there is a lovely big ginger cat with a massive bushy tail around here , when it sees me it meeows like crazy and follows me . I was talking to my friend Sue about it who fosters cats , she has seen it as it hangs around the medical centre where she works . We are not sure where it lives or even if it has a home . I used to see it a few months ago , always in the garden of the house on the corner opposite the medical centre , but then it vanished . Now it is back . I think it has been in my house and stolen some food from my cats dishes . I was at the top of the stairs and caught a glimpse of a bushy tail disappearing out of the back door , I always leave it open so my boys can come and go as they please . At first I wondered if it was a fox , but I reckon it was big puss . It followed me last night and I picked it up , it seemed keen to stay with me . The fur underneath it and round it 's back legs is a bit dirty and matted , but it wasn 't skinny , as far as I could tell . I put it down and it followed me again . I was going to bring it home and ask around if it belongs to anybody . Not that I really want another cat though , but Sue would find a home for it if it is homeless . Anyway , big puss jumped up a six foot high fence and down the other side into a garden . I went back later to look for it but the paddock was awash with people carol singing around the tree , so I suppose puss was keeping out of the way . I spoke to Sue later on the phone and we couldn 't decide if it belonged to anyone , so we thought we would ask around first before we catnap it . Sometimes people go out and leave their cats to walk the streets all day and night , which I think is terrible . I got my Lilly because his previous owners didn 't care about him , he lives a life of luxury here with me now , compared to the dog kennel at the bottom of the garden he had before . That reminds me I must send them a ChPosted by Wow , I am glad I wrote that post yesterday , I struggled with it I must admit , afraid I might be revealing too much about myself . But it sparked a reaction and I thank everyone who added their comments . It 's too big a topic to cover in one post so I 'll stretch it out a bit more for today , don 't worry you don 't need to comment again . Billie Jane , I have some awful photo 's of myself as well , most of them get torn up because I can 't bear to see them . I can 't count the amount of times I have been looking forward to getting my photo 's back from the developers , only to be bitterly disappointed with the face staring back at me . Thank goodness for digital cameras , press delete and they are gone . Steve and Denise , Thank you for looking past my face and not just saying , ' you look alright to me ' , as most people would . You know that comment would be no help at all . If only we could get more people to look through faces . I hope 2010 is good for you . Brightandnew , I am really pleased that you like my blog , I write from the heart , no pretentions , no ego trip , just my slant on life and what I make of it . If you can pick bits out that interest you then I 'm happy . Fluttergirl , I am really chuffed that you decided to comment and share your hurt . I too remember the nasty things people said to me . Even a member of my own family was hurtfull . He once said , ' you look effing awful , why don 't you do something about yourself ' . ' Another time I overheard two men talking about me , one said , ' she 's got a face like an effing thunderstorm . ' ( Excuse the French ) . You don 't forget things like that . I hope you have a lovely life from now on . lindsey , Thankyou for your support . My mother did the wallpapering , we could only afford to buy the end of line wallpaper so had to stick it up as it came , only just enough to do one wall . She was wonderfull nothing matched in our house . Glad it made you smile , the whole house made me laugh . : - ) Sharon , I didn 't find out what BDD was till later on , and when I read about it in a magazine , I thought , wow , that 's me , Posted by Forgive me for not posting yesterday , I haven 't been feeling too well and I can 't work out why . I think a phone call to NHS Direct is imminent , however I will do this first . And now for something completely different , I feel confident at this stage to ' come out ' . No I am not gay , but there has been something going on in my life which I very rarely talk about . I have tried to explain this to a few people but the response has always been the same , awkwardness and blank looks . If you haven 't experienced it you can 't understand it . I am hoping that at least one person reading this will know what I am talking about . I may waffle on for sometime , so if you become bored , feel free to skip this bit . I don 't blame you because I can waffle . I 'll give this , ' something going on ' , a name , Body Dysmorphic Disorder , or BDD . There , I 've said it out loud and blown my cover . I 'm not writing this to get to get it off my chest , I have tried to cast it off before and it doesn 't work , it is always there , sometimes hidden and sometimes it rears it 's ugly head . If you know someone who has this , my post will help you understand . It is classed as a mental disorder though mine has never been diagnosed . In my younger years I thought hating your looks was a part of growing up , everybody did it and I would grow out of it . I never did . Hair dyed black , hairpiece , lots of thick makeup , not wearing my specs . What has prompted me to write about it at this stage is Susan Boyle . Remember when she first came onto the stage , people ridiculed her , they laughed at her , and they poked fun at her . They judged her on her looks alone . Why is it that people are so judgemental before they know all the facts . Susan admitted to struggling a bit in life , she was bullied , and suffered name calling , something I can well relate to , it happened to me . What an absolute joy when she opened her mouth and sang , finally her dream is coming true . God bless you Susan . Looking back , my BDD started with bullying at school . Of course when you are young you try and get on with thMeanqueen Most of my weekend has been taken up with Henry sitting , he came on Saturday for a sleepover . We had a lot of fun out walking , we met several other dogs which delighted Henry as he romped around with them . I managed to keep him away from dykes full of water thank goodness , so I didn 't have to give him a wash down before letting him back in the house . The cats are getting used to him now , Lilly even lets him lick his face , Lilly is a boy by the way : - ) There was a bit of commotion this morning though , Henry had followed me upstairs and I was in the bathroom , he stuck his head round the door of the office and didn 't notice Bugsy asleep . Such a kerfuffle , yelps and hissing , Henry knows when to back off though . He is becoming a very clever boy now , I can talk to him and he listens . There are some words that he understands , and if I spend a penny he knows it must be walk time and he sits looking at my jacket hanging on the hook behind the door . Helen forgot to bring his ball so we didn 't have anything to play games with , then I remembered he picks up plastic pop bottles in the street and tosses them around , and I had an empty squash bottle in the bin . This did the job of entertaining him perfectly . He was here for 24 hours , just to give Helen and Paul a break , at just over a year old he is very demanding , needing four walks a day and plenty of playtime and fun . It disrupts our routine a bit when he comes , I have to move the cats food dishes upstairs and put a barrier up at the bottom of the stairs , so Henry can 't get them . I sleep on a camp bed in the living room , with Henry on a chair , because he wants to be near me . It 's nice to have him here for visits , and to help Helen out . A couple of weeks ago I went a bike ride over the bridge , and up the other side of the River Trent . I had to cut my journey short because I was going to run out of daylight hours and I had no lights , and my backside and legs were aching . So yesterday I went in the car to see the bits that I missed . Blacktoft Sands is a nature reserve on the south side of the River Ouse about eight miles east of Goole , in East Yorkshire . It has the largest intertidal reedbed in England , and has a fascinating range of birds and other wildlife . There are six observation hides , a reception centre and picnic area . Although I don 't know a lot about the different species of birds , I do like looking round these places . It was a lovely sunny but crisp afternoon , the frost was still on the grass where the sun hadn 't reached . This is the entrance to the Marshland Hide . Inside are narrow windows all round and benches to sit on while you watch the birds . This is the view from inside the Hide , a barge is passing having unloaded at Goole Docks . It looks a lot closer than it is but it is in the channel beyond and not travelling through the reserve . The sun was setting as I left , I wasn 't sure if photo this would turn out ok but I think it 's nice . Posted by I 'm rather pleased with my bag of rubbish . It doesn 't look very artistic , it doesn 't look pretty , but it is my only bag of household rubbish that went in my grey wheelie bin destined for landfill , in two weeks . Yes this is the total sum of my rubbish that can 't be recycled , and I 'm proud if it . In fact I tell a lie , there is two empty cartons of soya milk in there , squashed flat . If I want to recycle those I have to drive ten miles there and back to the council dump , not a good idea . Most of it is cat food pouches , bits of plastic wrapping that can 't be used for anything else , and one or two labels off tins which I don 't have to remove but do , after washing and squashing . Any smallish plastic bags get used for dog poo picking , things like bread bags , insides of cereal packets , and frozen peas bags . As I don 't hand pick , I use a small plastic spade , any bag will do . I recycle all my plastics where I can , you have to check on the number in the little triangle that is stamped on the bottom . Sometimes it is so small I have to look closely over the top of my specs . This gets put in the burgundy wheelie bin along with the cardboard . The biggest filler of this bin is the boxes that the cat food pouches come in . I think that is such a waste , why can 't they just put 12 pouches in a small plastic bag , then I could use it for dog poo . My plastic boxes for paper , and tins and glass recycling get collected once a fortnight alternating with the cardboard and plastic , but I only need to put these out once every six weeks . I might have a few cans and a couple of wine bottles , maybe an odd coffee jar or honey jar , but that 's about it . My newspaper box has junk mail and the free newspapers , so not much there to collect . So the biggest creator of everyday rubbish in my house is the cats , the other bag that goes into my grey bin is their dirty cat litter . I use the clumping type and try to keep it to a minimum by using the plastic spade to lift out the soiled material , then top up with fresh . Every week I run it down and give the boxesPosted by I 've made a profit today , must write that in my little book . Today I spent nothing but made a profit . I took Henry for a walk in the woods , we had a lovely time , he was romping about getting filthy and I was huffing and puffing climbing back up the steep bank to the top . I just happened to look down , being carefull trying not to lose my footing on the wet leaves and twigs and fall buttocks over chest , to put it politely , ha ha . I spied a coin , a very dirty coin it must have been there for a long time . I picked it up , how lucky that I had looked down at precisely that moment in that particular spot . I must have had an angel guiding me , perhaps I have an inbuilt radar which was picking up the signal from this coin . I had been selected from the many people who walk through the woods , to be the one who would have this lucky find . Perhaps it 's an omen , fate that I found the coin , perhaps there is more good luck coming my way , how exciting . Maybe tomorrow I ought to go to the shop and put the ten pence coin towards a lottery ticket . You never know , this could be my lucky break . I 've just been watching a magazine programe on the iplayer , and one of the stories was about getting help with managing your money when you are struggling to make ends meet . I agree there is a need for the government to fund places where people can go and talk to an advisor about their problems , but I can 't help thinking that instead of getting right down to the nitty gritty , they just paper over the cracks . The programe featured two similar stories of hardship , one a single mother bringing up three children on around £ 800 of benefits a month , and a pensioner also living on a similar amount . They both have debts of £ 5 , 000 . They were advised to start writing down every penny they spend in a notebook , so they can see where their money is going , something I think everybody should be doing regardless of whether they need to or not . Even people who earn a lot of money can easily find their spending spiraling out of control if they don 't monitor it . The camera followed the mum of three as she did her shopping , and she talked about seeing things she liked but couldn 't have them because she couldn 't afford it . She picked up an aerosol can , looked at it and put it back on the shelf , to illustrate her point . I thought that was a good sign , at least she was trying to keep her spending in check . But later she said she spent £ 300 on each of her children at Christmas , and got them a large present as well . Now I can see how she got herself in debt . One thing that baffles me is why some people don 't understand the difference between luxuries and necessities , because if they did they would be halfway to solving their problems . If you see something and think , I wish I could buy that , wouldn 't it be better not to look in the first place ? If you can 't afford something and it causes you a lot of sadness and you think you are being deprived of a fundemental right to own that object , you are close on to becoming a slave of consumerism . When I say look at the nitty gritty of spending , I mean an indepth conversation about why you want to Posted by I can 't decide where I fit in any more . I feel young but I am not young , I look younger than my years ( so I 'm told ) , I am not old and certainly don 't feel old . My head thinks I am 29 but I look more like 50 . I 've done a lot of living but I 've still more to do , so I must be somewhere in the middle . I know I 'm not a teenager because I don 't like their music , and I don 't go out on a Saturday night to drink myself silly and throw up everywhere . But I know I 'm not old because I don 't wear cardigans and pearls , and play bingo down the club . What 's brought all this on you might ask . Well , I went out today to the DHL Retired Employees Christmas Dinner , very nice it was , in a local pub . It 's the first time I have ever been , they meet three times a year for a meal and a natter . Everyone was very friendly , they made me feel most welcome , but I can 't get my head round the fact that I am a pensioner . Looking around I realised I was the youngest person there , and I felt completely out of place . So where do I go to meet people like me ? People who do daft things on a whim , unconventional people , outdoor type people with a sense of adventure . Footloose and fancyfree people who are up for a challenge and not afraid of making a fool out of themselves . Where are they all , or am I the only one ? I did a bit of tidying this morning , only a bit mind you , half an hour is about my limit . My living room tables were disappearing under masses of crafting bits and bobs , a sort out definately needed . One table is against the back wall under the window where the cats sit in the sun , that 's when we get any . They jump on the chair , then onto the table and climb onto the window sill , leaving a trail of cat hairs floating around . I decided to strip everything off the table and pull it out so that I could clean behind the radiator . The tablecloth started life as a bed sheet , I opened it out and gave it a good shake outside and refolded it with a clean side on the outside , and put it back on again , no point in washing it untill all sides are dirty . Most of my housework consists of a quick whip round with the Dyson once a month , but today I decided to do my thorough six monthly job by getting down on my hands and knees and using the hose with the attachment , to get right into the corners . When you get your face down near the carpet , especially a dark coloured floral carpet like mine , you can see all the bits you have missed when Dysoning standing up . I put the table and chairs back when I had cleaned underneath , and put the items on a tray on the table rather than have them scattered everywhere . By this time I was getting fed up of cleaning and decided to leave the rest of the room for another day . Last week I bought a bag of plastic shower curtain rings from a charity shop for 50p . Today I got my spare curtains out of the cupboard and used the rings to hang them on top of the curtains already up . This gives it an extra thickness , hopefully keeping it a bit warmer inside , well it would be warm if I actually put the heating on . I am determined to soldier on without it , only flicking the switch if I am absolutely freezing cold . At the moment I am back to my old habit of last winter , of wearing loads of clothes indoors , including coat , scarf , and gloves . This morning I washed my hair in the kitchen sink with two kettles of hotPosted by I 've just listened to The Archers omnibus , the only soap I follow . It 's a pleasant bit of chitter chatter and I can be getting on with other jobs while I listen . Some of the story lines are very emotional , especially the one at the moment about Jack Woolley going into a care home . Peggy his wife was becoming worn out , because his advancing dementure is becoming too much for her to cope with . Now he seems settled in and has a few of his personal possessions around him , poor Peggy now has the guilt to cope with , leaving him in a prison , as she put it . It reminds me of an incident some years ago , my brother in law had an elderly aunt and uncle in their late eighties living in a care home in Lancashire . They wanted to move to the Midlands so that my sister and her husband could visit more often . A place was found and a date was set to move them . My brother in law hired a box trailer and I went with them to help with loading and unloading the furniture . I remember it clearly , we were ready to leave , checking we had picked everything up , and the elderly couple settled comfortably in the car . I was shocked , we only had half a trailer load . Surely there should be more , went through my mind , is this all you end up with after living on this planet for almost ninety years . It made me very sad that this small pile of possessions was all they had left to show for a long life . That image of the half full trailer has stayed with me , will that be all I have left as well . Now , several years later I see things differently , I look around my house and think someone else will have to remove this eventually , so why not make a start now . Don 't put the burden onto whoever is left , they will probably throw most of it in a skip anyway , but gradually wind it down , sort it out , and pass it on to someone who will make good use of it . Recycle now before it is too late , this could be the answer to save the planet . When all the shops have nothing left to sell and close their doors , and I do believe that will happen eventually , that 's when we starPosted by It was a lovely sunny start to the day so I decided to go out . I had it in mind to try and get in the festive spirit and visit the big Christmas Market in Lincoln , it really is spectacular . But the thought of being squashed amongst thousands of visitors and herded around like sheep , peering over peoples heads trying to get a look at the stalls , just didn 't appeal . So I went for my second choice , the healthy option . I arrived at Donna Nook just after midday , and although there was a lot of people about I managed to get a place in the car park . You wont find Donna Nook in a road atlas because the road leading up to it is a dead end before you fall into the sea . It is near the village of North Somercotes , half way between Cleethorpes and Mablethorpe on the Lincolnshire coast . It is home to an RAF bombing range , but that wasn 't what I had come to see . This is also a Wildlife Trust nature reserve , and every year at this time hundreds of seals come onto the sand dunes to give birth . It has one of the largest and most accessible breeding colonies of the grey seal in the UK . From 27th October to 30th November , 1 , 082 pups have been born . The conditions for them are ideal here , mainly saltmarshes , inter - tidal mudflats , and sandbanks . You can walk along a footpath which is separated by a fence from the breeding area . The seals come very close , it 's very tempting to reach out and touch the pups , but you must not , because the mothers would smell your scent and abandon them . It 's a wonderful sight , those gorgeous big eyes just melt your heart . Leaving Donna Nook I decided to vist the Seal Sanctuary at Mablethorpe ten miles down the coast . There is a hospital for rescued seals , some of them have been caught up in fishing nets , and are at various stages of treatment . Eventually when they make a full recovery they will be released back into the wild . They have two permanent residents that have been there since 1986 , they can 't be released because they are both blind , so they will live out their days at the sanctuary . I think my sePosted by I think my diet may be a bit lacking at the moment , I have lost about four pounds in the last few weeks , without trying to . I eat lots of vegetables , probably too much and nothing else . I can be a bit obsessed about not eating any junk food at all , but maybe a little bit wouldn 't be so bad . I must try and introduce a bit more variety into my meals , so this is what I bought today , and some of the reasons for my choices . 6 pieces of frozen salmon for £ 4 . 50 , that is 75p per piece , so I should be able to keep within my £ 1 per meal limit if I add some veg . 6 pieces of frozen tuna steaks for £ 3 . 69 , that 's 73p per piece so again it keeps it down to £ 1 . 2 . 5k potatoes for 99p . A savoy cabbage for 29pA huge butternut squash for 49pBroccoli 33pPack of six custard tarts reduced from £ 1 to 65p . One thing that bothers me about them is that I don 't think they use free range eggs . I will have to cope with the guilt but I wouldn 't buy them at full price . 2 frozen fish pies at £ 1 each . I don 't normally buy processed ready meals but they are handy to have now and then if you don 't feel like cooking . I put extra frozen peas or sweetcorn in them before I microwave them , to bulk it up a bit . 2 large pots of organic yoghurt at £ 1 each . I normally buy six small pots for £ 1 , but I got the large ones because they are probiotic and are supposed to be better for you . I will try and spin them out into six portions per pot so it won 't be any more expensive than the single ones . A small cheese and tomato pizza for 46p . A bit sparse with the topping but I shall add a few extras to make it a meal for under £ 1 . Pizzas are never usually on my shopping list . A packet of choc digestive biscuits for 33p , Tesco Value brand . Don 't tell me off , I never buy biscuits , but I fancied a bit of chocolate and the biscuits are a cheaper option . I will try and make them last me the week . Wholemeal loaf reduced from 66p to 46pPacket of 6 oatcakes for 39p . These will make 3 lunches , fill with cheese and tomato and microwave , scrummy . Packet of 6 potato cakes , reducPosted by Good morning , another new day another fresh start . I awoke this morning and remembered what I have to do today , take my car to the garage for them to assess the damage inflicted upon it yesterday . Now I have had time to mull things over in my mind I can 't help wondering why pick my car out of several others that were parked in the street . Was it someone who knows me , possibly someone who wants to hurt me . I don 't normally make enemies but you can never tell what goes on in someone 's deranged mind . I have one or two suspicions , but of course with no witnesses and no cctv cameras , I am unable to follow it up . The police are going to make some enquiries but I don 't expect them to make any arrests . I remember many years ago I was shocked and horrified when someone I knew said he had done exactly the same thing to a car which had parked quite legally outside his house . It had annoyed him so he thought he would teach the owner a lesson so they wouldn 't park there again . He got his come uppance though , several months later we met up and went for a coffee . On our return to the car park someone had scratched the side of his car . He was quite annoyed by it , I kept my mouth shut , muttering under my breath , you reap what you sow . Now he wasn 't a dodgy character at all , in fact he held a very responsible position working in partnership with the police force . His behaviour was not what you would expect from someone who was held with high regard . It just goes to show , you don 't know what is going on in someone 's mind . Anyway time to move on , no point in crying over spilt milk , there are people who have many more worries than I do . I just heard on the news about a young man who who was also the victim of a violent act yesterday , only he paid for it with his life . Someone had tried to grab his laptop , he tried to stop them and was shot in the stomach by the assailant , he subsequently died . A tragic story . It puts everything into perspective , I may be £ 100 lighter , but I still have my life . So sorry for the young man and his familyPosted by There are some days when I would like to live as far away as possible from other human beings , and today is one of those days . Sometime between 2pm and 2 . 20pm today , my car was vandalised . Someone decided they would have a bit of fun and scrape down the side with a sharp instrument , I think they generally use a key . From front to back there is a wavy scratch , down to the metal , and the whole side will have to be resprayed . What goes through someone 's mind when they do that ? Why pick on my car ? I was parked at the back of the Scrapstore after unloading some stuff I had collected from a couple of businesses , doing my bit of voluntary work . I had a cup of coffee and a chat and came out to find that some pathetic excuse for a human being had decided to land me with a bill for £ 100 and an insurance claim . I feel as if I have been personally attacked myself , I feel very saddened that there are a lot of evil nasty people roaming about , and I do despair at what is happening in the world . Thank goodness for cats . No matter how angry or upset I am , I still have Lilly and Freddie both trying to sit on my knee as I type this . I have already given up my comfortable office chair for Lilly to sit on and I am on a hard dining room chair , but no that isn 't enough , he has climbed onto the desk , gone round the back of the computer , and is now balanced once again on my knee . He makes me laugh with his determination to succeed and get what he wants . What would we do without cats eh ! Oh well , onward and upward . I 've just been reading an article about someone who claims to have lived without money for a year , none coming in and none going out . I find that very hard to believe . Mark Boyle is 28 and lives in a borrowed caravan on an organic farm near Bristol , he volunteers his services on the farm , presumably to cover his rent and access to a clean water supply . It sounds all very romantic , living off your own means without the burden of modern day stresses and strains , but I 'm sure if you asked homeless people living on the streets , they wouldn 't think it was an ideal situation to be in at all . If you have no money coming in you have to rely on the goodness of others to help you out , which to me sounds a bit selfish if your situation is self imposed . If you plan to barter your services in exchange for food , light , heat etc , then that is more acceptable , but there are bound to be people who feel sorry for you and donate something out of the goodness of their heart . At what point does this turn into begging ? As you know I do believe you can live off very little money , but I would not like to live off no money at all . I tried living in a caravan once , though I did have a paid job , my house was sold and the money was in the bank waiting to buy another . It was quite nice not to have to pay utility bills , council tax , or mortgage . My job was a short pleasant walk down the road to the cement works , I could shower there when the day was finished before I walked back to make my dinner . The downside was that after a few months I ran out of clean clothes and bedding , no launderette in the middle of the countryside . I got fed up of the cramped kitchen , no room to make decent meals , no fridge , and the condensation inside made everything damp . It was also very lonely , I used to go walking a lot just to get out and meet people , and then it got to November and it was so cold I went to bed as soon as I had my dinner at 6pm . Then I bought another house . As an experiment , I believe living without money is something everyone should do for a whilPosted by Hello , I am a 68 year old retired lorry driver . After trucking for 32 years I 'd had enough , went part time when I was in my mid 50 's and stopped altogether when I reached 60 . Yippeeee , now I am free to do as I like . I live with three cats , I make do and mend being very careful with my spending , only buying what I need . I have no qualms about buying second hand from car boot sales and charity shops , and getting free stuff from skip diving . Money saved is put towards holidays , a decent car , and days out . I love life , and it needn 't cost a fortune to enjoy it . We start on January 1st 2017 . There won 't be a dedicated page to log the miles , instead members of the Walking Group will need to declare their intention to start , with a comment on the first post of the year , and report in on the 1st of every month after that with their own mileage . Please remember to do that , as it will be the only record of your progress . Onward we go , new and old members welcome . Let 's work hard to keep in good shape . Follow by Email Hi . This is an advert free , non sponsored , all my own words , blog . I won 't try to sell you something , I don 't accept freebies , either goods or services , in return for reviews . There are no sponsored or guest posts , no annoying adverts . Welcome and come on in . |
Panhandler Magazine Panhandler Magazine is published by the Department of English at the University of West Florida . The editors welcome unsolicited submissions , although manuscripts must be submitted through the magazine 's online submission manager . To submit your work , please visit the " Submit " page . Any manuscripts submitted via regular mail or email will not be considered . To contact the editors , please email them at Panhandlermagazine at gmail dot com . Lynna Williams is an associate professor of English / Creative Writing at Emory University . A former political reporter in Texas and Minnesota , she was working as a political speechwriter ( and unpaid stand - up comic ) in Minnesota when she began writing fiction . Her first short story , " Last Shift at the Mine , " dealt with unemployment on the Minnesota Iron Range , and won a Loft - McKnight Award and a Loft Mentor Series Prize . Her short fiction has appeared in The Atlantic Monthly , Lear 's , The Oxford American , Crab Orchard Review , and other literary magazines . Her short story , " Sole Custody , " was nominated by the Atlantic for the National Magazine Award in Fiction , and she was one of four writers featured in an Atlantic cover story on " New American Voices " in contemporary fiction . Five of her stories have been included in the " 100 Other Distinguished Stories " list in the annual anthology , Best American Short Stories . Her collection , Things Not Seen and Other Stories , was a New York Times Notable Book of the Year . She has won the Dobie - Paisano Fellowship from the University of Texas and the Texas Institute of Letters . Her essays have won prizes from the Chattahoochee Review and the Bellingham Review , and have been anthologized in Sleeping with One Eye Open : A Survival Guide for Creative Women ( UGA Press ) , From Mothers to Daughters : I 've Always Meant to Tell You ( Simon and Schuster ) , and other collections . Her book reviews appear in the Chicago Tribune . She is at work on a story collection , and an essay collection that grew out of a year teaching English to a group of Kurdish women in a small Georgia town . The house where I lived with my parents and older brother in the fall of 1961 was on a corner lot of Fitzgerald Street , which meant we had only one set of next door neighbors . Their names were Frank and Vera Schmidt , and when my mother thought only my father was listening , she liked to say that Vera could win a gold medal in the Scaredy - Cat Olympics . " Think about it , " my father always said back to her , which I knew had something to do with Mrs . Schmidt being German , coming to America with Frank after the war was over . On our way to school one morning , as my mother slowly backed down the driveway , Vera came out of her house and ran toward us , her arms full of home - canned jars of green beans . " What on earth ? " my mother said and stopped the car . She had handed the jars out like Halloween candy to everyone on Fitzgerald Street , and liked to hear how good the beans were . Vera stuck her face in the driver 's side widow . " This seal , Dorothy ? " she said , lifting one of the jars toward my mother . " You would say that was safe or you would say that was not safe ? " My mother turned off the ignition , got out , and took the jars from Vera , one by one . " Safe , " she said . " Safe . Safe . Safe . Safe . " My brother , who spent his life being called out at home plate , was having a fit in the back seat . My mother jerked her head at him , without ever turning around , and he folded himself into the upholstery . Vera nodded after each word . She was pretty , the way girls who went into the forbidding woods in fairytales were pretty . When my mother had checked every jar , Vera said maybe it would be safer not to eat any of the beans . My mother said she would be happy to take back any delicious home - canned food Vera didn 't want , wished her a happy morning , and got behind the wheel again . She didn 't say anything about the scene in the driveway until dinner that night , when she caught me poking my green beans with a fork , then taking deep breaths , my face centered above the plate . " No , ma ' am , " she said . " We eat our food in this house ; we don 't investigate it . " I watched her expression change from anger to reasonableness , which was never a good sign . " You ate green beans from the same batch last night . Were you poisoned last night ? Are you a ghost right now ? Are you a ghost in a Brownie uniform ? " I said I hadn 't been poisoned last night , or any night , but I wasn 't sure that meant I never would be . My parents exchanged the look that meant I might be smarter than my brother , and for that I would have eaten rat poison with a spoon straight from the box . I finished my green beans , helped with the dishes , and retired down the hallway to read Nancy Drew . After a while I heard my parents ' voices in their bedroom , not the words , but the tone and cadence . The sharp , hurried words were my mother 's , and I knew she was talking about me : Vera , Jr . , a10 - year - old girl who refused to give up her lamb nightlight , who couldn 't be coaxed out of the kiddie pool to learn how to swim , who threw up in the car on the way to the doctor , never mind the fuss if a needle appeared . My father 's voice was slower , softer , and I imagined him counseling patience with me , charity with our neighbors . Things changed the morning Vera met us in our carport as my mother , brother and I stepped out of the kitchen door . She was wearing her bumpy Chenille robe , carrying a newspaper . " War , " she said . " War with Russia . The bomb will drop , it says right here the bomb will drop , and that will be the end . " My mother jerked me into the car by the elbow , so hard my own hand came up and hit me in the chest . She yelled at my brother to get in , and put the car in reverse . As we turned out of the driveway , I lifted my head . Vera was still at our house , not her own , holding the Fort Worth Star - Telegram close to her face like a shield . I hurt in two places , but I kept it to myself for a change . I had seen my mother 's eyes , in the instant before she got into the car . If she was afraid , there wasn 't anything to say . That night , at dinner , my father - obviously by request - made a little speech to my brother and me about Christians not needing to be fearful because , for us , life on this earth would become life in Heaven . Into the silence , I said , " When ? When does life in Heaven start ? " and both my mother and brother snorted tiny , identical snorts , like cartoon pigs , and lowered their eyes . My father , whose war had been in the Pacific , put both hands on the table . " Not for a lifetime , " he said finally . " Just don 't worry , all right ? That 's all I meant , that there 's nothing for you to worry about . " Vera didn 't come back to our house , not at Christmas when Frank brought over discount coupons for house slippers and talked to my father on the porch for a long time , not on New Year 's when my parents invited all of Fitzgerald Street to a potluck in honor of 1962 . My mother didn 't cross the driveway to the Schmidt 's house either , but if the power went out , or it was stormy , she sent my father or brother to see if Vera needed anything . Vera always sent them back with something for us , until one night , in a downpour , Marty ran into our kitchen with four plastic rain hats in a paper bag . My mother spread them out on the table and stared at them , shaking the way she did in church when she didn 't want to laugh . After a minute , my father led her into their bedroom . I said , " Weird , " trying to get my brother to explain what was happening . But he just finished clearing the table , went into his room , and played the Righteous Brothers . He played them too loud , but my par - ents still didn 't come out again until morning . School was almost out for the year when my mother picked me up at S . S . Dillow one afternoon , and swung around to William James Junior High School for my brother . We were still half a street away from our house when we had to stop . A long flatbed truck was blocking our driveway , blocking three driveways , in fact . A crew of men was on the back of the truck , surrounding two halves of a giant steel box . When I looked past them , I saw Mr . Schmidt in the front yard and behind him , on the porch , his wife . Over a roar of sound , my brother named the yellow machinery filling the Schmidt 's driveway . My mother said a word so terrible I knew the world was ending , all right . We were cooked . That night , when my father came home , he spent some time in our yard , talking over the picket fence to the workmen . " Bomb shelter , " I heard him say when he came into the kitchen . The bomb shelter was buried deep in the backyard next door , a gentle rise and a patchwork of new sod marking its place . If I pushed the kitchen step - stool to the sink , and climbed up it to face the window , it looked as though the Schmidt 's had decided to grow themselves a tiny hillside on a quiet street in Fort Worth . I decided the hill was verdant , a word I 'd learned for the fourth grade spelling bee , but had never used in a real sentence . If I was on the stool when my mother came into the kitchen , she reminded me , mildly , that I could join the Army anytime and see the world . But she didn 't tell me to quit staring at the bomb shelter because she refused to use bomb shelter in a real sentence . All that summer when the other mothers called to pump her for information about the Schmidt 's , she changed the subject or hung up the phone . Some of the women tried again , showing up at our door with flowers or homemade cookies . My mother said them how glad she was to see them and then , when tea and cookies had been handed around , she asked for their support in reforming the PTA bylaws . Nobody stayed long . As long as I was up on the stool , the hill in the backyard was the least of what there was to see . Some people stood on the sidewalk opposite the Schmidt 's house , pointing and talking , without ever crossing the street . But other people marched right up to their front door : mothers pushing baby carriages , and neighbors bringing out - of - town company , and once , four ladies who had been playing bridge up the street . Vera greeted them dressed in what I thought of as church clothes , her blonde hair swept off her face with a heavy silver clip . She looked older that way , less like a girl afraid to go into the woods alone . When her visitors asked to see the bomb shelter , Vera came out of the house , smiling , and led them around to the backyard . The shelter 's door was to the left side of the hill , and even if there was a man there to help , Vera leaned over and pulled it up herself , directing people onto the first steps of the ladder , one at a time . I saw their legs disappear , and then their arms , but I tried to jump down off the stool before their heads could follow them . It scared me : watching , waiting , holding my breath , timing my jump for the instant before the heads disappeared . But I did it as many times as I could get away with , and then one night I went to bed and woke up screaming . When my parents ran into my room , I was sitting up , my brown bear , Ed , in a stranglehold under my chin . My father pulled me into his lap , and used a washcloth my mother brought from the bathroom to cool my face . " Tell us , " he said , and , crying , I explained that Ed couldn 't breathe in the dark . It took me a long time to get even that much out , because as hard as she was trying to look sympathetic - so hard her eyes were almost crossed - it was a fact that my mother was not Ed 's friend . I was six when Greg Pomerantz , a boy at our church , died of leukemia . Weeks after the funeral , his mother brought his racing - car toy box to Sunday School , and divided up what was inside . Ed rode home with us in the car , but in the front seat between my parents , who were arguing over whether to give him back to me , or swing by the donation box at the Salvation Army . I was wailing , and my mother alternated between asking me to hush , please , and asking my father what kind of parent gave a bear with Ed 's past to a six - year - old , never mind a six - year - old who was a - f - r - a - i - d of every single thing under the s - u - n . My father , who hated being spelled at , suddenly braked for a light and flipped the bear over the backseat , right into my lap . Nobody said a word the rest of the way home . I was still crying , but there wasn 't much breath behind it , and my head kept slipping down onto my father 's shoulder . My mother turned around , and without a word began to work Ed from my arms . I tried to hold on , but she made a wet popping sound with her mouth when he came loose , and I was so startled I laughed . No force could hold my mother in a room when the Three Stooges were on TV ; no joke that involved noises a human body made was funny to her . My father and I were both staring at her when she stood Ed up on the bed and helped him take three steps toward me , wave , and take three steps back to her . She used her right hand to make his head turn toward me , and then my father , making little sniffing noises through her nose , for Ed , because his nose was a button . " Ed 's a peach , " she said , and I waited for the rest of it , a snappy little parable about little girls and the bears who were braver than they were . What came instead was my mother 's hand , sliding Ed onto my pillow , where he could get fresh air all night long . " Close your eyes , honey , " she said to me . " Take deep breaths and close your eyes . " I did both , and my parents walked into the hallway . They were almost to their room when the fight started . I forgot about keeping Ed 's airwaves open and used him to cover the ear that wasn 't on my pillow . But I heard my mother say bomb shelter anyway . Clear as day . The house was quiet when I woke up the next morning , which meant my father and brother were gone to work and to Scout Camp . I had tried sleep - away camp , too , but both times my parents had to drive to Oklahoma to get me after only two days . The last time my father , who believed sarcasm was unchristian , had suggested straight - faced that I streamline the process by having hysterics when my madras duffle came out of the closet , before anybody got into the car . My mother was in the kitchen when I went looking for her , and she made cinnamon toast and watched me eat it . When I was done , she said to come on , we were going for a walk . Outside , I turned toward school , and the park next to it , but my mother shook her head . We were at the Schmidt 's front door before I believed that was where we were going . I opened my mouth , and my mother rang the doorbell . Vera answered , already smiling ; when she saw us , she dropped her head , so that the smile was just for me . My mother said we were sorry to bother her , but if she had a minute , we would like to see the bomb shelter . She said it so matter - of - factly that both Vera and I nodded , before I understood we were going into a hole in the ground , every part of us : legs , arms , heads . I started to cry , which made Vera stop smiling and come outside . My mother said she knew we were imposing , but she thought looking inside the bomb shelter would help me . " You think now she is afraid of the shelter ? " Vera said . " Not of what is outside the shelter ? " There was something in Vera 's voice I couldn 't place , but I thought she was glad we were there , glad that my mother was like everyone else now . " We 'll come again then , " my mother said , and poked me in the back . I told Vera thank you , and we moved down the steps . We were on the sidewalk when two women and a little boy walked past us to knock on Vera 's door ; she looked right at us as she came outside and took her visitors around to the backyard . No way was I telling my mother I was afraid of the steps to the bomb shelter . " We read about bomb shelters in school . We saw a picture of one . It was just a little room , with a generator for light , and some cots , and some shelves with food and water . " My mother looked at me as though I were level - headed , which startled us both . " That 's exactly right , " she said . " It doesn 't sound that scary , does it ? " I shook my head . I thought she probably wanted to quit while she was ahead , but when we sat down in the bucket swings at the park , she asked if I wanted to talk some more about the bomb shelter - not what it was like inside , but why the Schmidt 's wanted it in their backyard . It came to me that she was asking me , for the millionth time , to tell her what I was really afraid of . I pushed backward in the swing , and dragged my tennis shoes in the dirt coming the other way . We had had this same talk about electrical sockets , and spiders , and the junior girls ' cabin at camp , about singing in the choir , and big dogs , and field trips , and the dark . But this time I really thought about the answer to my mother 's question : dreaming of heads disappearing down the bomb shelter steps was baby stuff , but Vera in her blue robe , Vera announcing the end of the world , that was something else . It made me feel grown - up to be afraid of something that huge . It was like being at the Grand Canyon two summers before , when I had refused to get out of the car because I was afraid of all the bugs flying around . When my father had enough of talking with me about the glories of God 's creations through my rolled - up window , he pulled me out of the car and spun me around to face the canyon . I didn 't say a word about bugs for the rest of the trip . Now I watched my mother in her swing , and wondered how she was going to tell me the end of the world was nothing to be scared about . I thought about her walking Ed down my quilt , and making cinnamon toast , and taking me next door to see the bomb shelter . I wanted to give her something . She slid out of her swing and stepped behind mine . " Think about flying , " she said , and gave me a push . Houston was the biggest city I had ever been in , and I had never flown on a plane . I was probably going to be afraid when it finally happened - but I closed my eyes and let her take me as high as I could go . I had been in fifth grade for six weeks when my father called home from the cop shop at dinnertime to say the President was on TV . My mother told him she loved him , and left the food uncovered on the table . She let my brother and I take our plates and sit on the floor too close to the television , without once telling us to move or we 'd be blind by high school . I scooted back by the couch anyway , but I could have kept right on going out the front door . No one was paying any attention . I watched my mother and brother , and they watched the President , who we hadn 't voted for , and didn 't trust , but not because he was Catholic . When he had finished speaking , my brother asked a few questions to prove he was the oldest child , and my mother asked me if I understood what was happening . " Cuba , " I said , thinking that was a solid one - word answer . My mother explained it to me anyway : the Russians had put missiles in Cuba , President Kennedy wanted the missiles removed , and what the United States was going to do with our ships in the waters around Cuba was called a blockade . My brother went to get a World Atlas , as if Extra Credit was actually possible in the home , and my mother told me we could have ice cream sundaes when she 'd finished cleaning the kitchen . When I didn 't offer to help , she asked why I wasn 't outside getting some fresh air . Because it was night , I thought , but I followed her into the kitchen and stepped out the back door . I hadn 't been afraid of the dark , really afraid , for a while , but I didn 't spend a lot of time in the backyard after sunset either . The air was cooler than I 'd expected , and I hugged myself walking toward our swing set . There were kitchen lights on up and down the street , and I wished I could see inside , could know if everyone else was afraid , or getting ready to have ice cream like us . I was headed back inside to report there was nothing to do in the dark when I saw the Schmidt 's back door open . Vera came out , and then her husband appeared in the doorway . He was calling to her , telling her to come back inside , but she didn 't turn around . I could see Mr . Schmidt clearly by the kitchen light , but now that she was in the middle of the yard , Vera was only a shape and a shadow . She was going into the bomb shelter , and I didn 't wait for the door to open . I ran . Inside the house my mother and brother were still in front of the TV . The President was talking about Cuba , missiles in Cuba , and America 's responsibility to the rest of the world . " Go to bed , honey , " my mother said when she finally saw me , but when I slid down in front of her chair , she didn 't tell me again . She was leaning forward , one leg tucked under her skirt , as if she hadn 't told me a million times how ladies sit , as if she and John F . Kennedy were alone in the room . It took my brother dropping his history book to break the spell . " Go to bed , both of you , " she said , and my brother gave me a look that said , Not now . In my room , he asked me if I understood what was happening . I shook my head yes , because I knew if I didn 't , he 'd explain it to me . When he said good night , I took my Brownie uniform out of the closet to wear to school , and got on top of the covers with my clothes still on , trying to think what I would want to be wearing when the world ended . I wouldn 't be allowed to wear heels for another two year , so that was out . If the world ended that week , my choices would be school clothes from 8 : 30 a . m - 3 p . m . , shorts and a t - shirt if I was home playing after school , or flannel pajamas if I had already been sent to bed . If the world ended on Sunday , I would go out in a red a - line dress and a fitted jacket with fat , black trim . The trim was called soutache , which I hoped to use in a sentence someday . After the President was on TV , two more families , one down the street and another three blocks over , ordered bomb shelters . I saw Mr . Schmidt in his car once or twice , but not Vera . I didn 't let myself think of her down in the ground . My mother was afraid , I knew because she never asked if I was . At school , girls who started to cry were allowed to go to the nurse 's office . I was not one of them , even though Mr . Shipp kept walking down my row during Social Studies to spot check my face for moisture . At Wednesday night prayer meeting , a bunch of kids went down the aisle to re - dedicate their lives to Jesus . I didn 't go there either . I didn 't tell anyone , but it seemed too much like going next door to Vera 's , being nice to her because she had figured out a way to save herself . We had bomb drills every day after lunch , ducking under our seats on command from the teacher . I was always one of the last ones down because I was watching everyone else try to disappear under their desks . I didn 't believe a bomb wouldn 't find us there . A couple of days later , my mother was late picking me up . I was walking up and down the street in front of the school when she honked and pulled over . My brother wasn 't in the car , and she told me he had gone home with a friend , and my father had to work late again . The world wasn 't going to end if the four of us weren 't together , and I relaxed against the seat . I was harvesting a last bit of fingernail , when my mother slapped her hand against the steering wheel . We didn 't eat out very often , and it was never just the two of us . My father kept the car radio tuned to an all - news station , and my mother fiddled with the dial before she turned it on . The song playing was about young love , sweet love , and she laughed at the horrified expression on my face . All the way downtown she told me the story about going to church with my father all her life , but not falling in love until he came home from the war . For the first time I wanted to know about the war , not the love that came after it , but I didn 't know how to ask . In the line at the Picadilly Cafeteria , I pointed at anything that looked good - baked chicken and dressing and two kinds of salad we didn 't eat at home - and my mother didn 't say a word about what it cost . After we ate , we walked across the street to Leonard 's Department Store . I tried on big picture hats in front of a mirror , and my mother bought me a package of Paisley barrettes I couldn 't wear unless my hair grew out . I didn 't tell her that I had figured out that the only good thing about the end of the world would be that I would never have to get a Pixie haircut again . The store was open late , and it was starting to get crowded ; I watched other kids as they went by , wondering if their parents were afraid to go home . We took the escalator to the top floor , and my mother waited for me to jump on and off four times , without telling me to hurry . There was a wall of televison sets opposite the escalator , and a crowd was gathering in front . My mother put her hand in my back and steered me past people , but not fast enough to miss the news . Russian ships were closing in on Cuba . An elderly woman who looked like my first grade teacher walked by us in tears . My mother reached around and took my hand , and we didn 't stop until we were in the furniture department across the store . A man behind the counter was talking too loud on the phone , telling someone named Judy not to worry , to put the kids to bed and ask her mother to come over . Above us a bell sounded that made me jump , and an announcement that the store would be closing in 15 minutes . I started toward the escalator , but my mother caught me . Everything was too bright , and she looked smaller than I wanted her to be . " We have a minute , " she said , and shook her head at how that sounded . She went over to a fake living room , filled with furniture she said was called Danish Modern . She walked around each piece , a sofa and a coffee table , two end tables and a book case , before she raised her hand at the salesman behind the counter . When he didn 't come , she went over to him , fishing in her purse for her checkbook on the way . D r i v ing home , my mother told me we had needed new living room furniture forever , and there was no time like the present . I thought she might be crying , but I didn 't want to think about what it meant if she was . I told her the furniture was pretty , and everything I could remember about the principle exports of Denmark . We were dressed for church one Sunday , eating breakfast together and watching the rain pelt down outside for the third straight day , when Vera called . My mother said hello as if the two of them talked all the time ; she told Vera she was sure everything was all right , and hung up . My father looked a question at her , and she shook her head . " Frank 's away , " she said , and told my brother to go get our raincoats and umbrellas . After church , I was in my room taking off my good clothes when I heard my father yell " Jesus ! " from the kitchen . My father did not take the Lord 's name in vain . I ran in the hallway in my slip , and collided with my brother , who stuck out a hand to keep me from falling . My mother came out of her bedroom , and the three of us ran down the hallway . " You go , " she said . " She 'll feel better if it 's just you . You didn 't tell her it was nothing to worry about . " My father told her she couldn 't have known this would happen , and anyway , we couldn 't have stopped the rain . From the window , my brother said , " Where will it go ? Will it come into our yard ? " My parents were talking to each other . They didn 't stop even when I opened the carport door and stepped outside . Outside the cover of the carport was a curtain of rain , everything shimmery and grey . I walked to the concrete 's edge , and stood looking at Frank and Vera 's backyard . The hillside was gone . In its place a corner of the steel box was tilted to one side , mud and broken sod everywhere around it . 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Just tales of me and the furry , the feathered , the slimey and the scaly . . . whatever ! Fun stories . Sad stories . Stories that directly involve me or stories that have touched me . One morning in late May . I was out in the shed working on some bird houses . It was cold and rainy , and the rain was coming down pretty heavy . The yard was full of birds . There was a lot of European Starlings with their young . Oh those squawky young birds chasing their mommies around for food . Bottomless pits ! I was a little stunned for a moment but then highly amused . My initial " what 's wrong here ? " disappeared as I watched him watch me , then shake the rain off himself , preen , look at me again , squawk , and repeat . I talked to him and he looked at me rather curiously . He tilted his head from one side to the other . I asked him where his mommy was . I talked about the crappy weather we were experiencing . And then I lost the fight to not put my hand towards him . I kneeled down and put my finger tips to his toes and as soon as we connected , he stepped on . I now stood up and he stayed on . I held him to the open double doors , looking out to the yard . He wasn 't interested in going back out there . I gabbed away to him a little bit more . I took a couple short videos , a few " cellfies " and then enjoyed a few more minutes with him in total silence . I just watched him . He preened himself on my finger tips and occasionally let out another squawk . The morning was moving fast . I had somewhere I needed to be with those bird houses , even with all the rain coming down . I moved him over to the handle of my lawn mower . He stepped down like he knew I needed to go . I told him he should go see his family now . I told him he couldn 't stay in here all day . I gathered up the nest boxes , leaving the shed doors open and started walking up the yard , heading to the truck . I walked backwards so I could see what or if anything was going to happen , preferably returning to his family . And he did just that . He flew out of the shed and to the nearby trees , squawking a few times , and then he disappeared from my sight . He may have been a young and naive bird but obviously he was pretty darn smart to know where to go to get out of the rain for a while . I can 't help but feel a little honoured with what happened . Sure Starlings aren 't high on any birder 's list and even I get frustrated when they dominate the bird feeders some days . But we connected , our two worlds met for a brief moment , we were just two living souls and not man and bird . That 's the best way I can describe it . I expect some to frown upon this but he came to me . I didn 't coax him with food . I embraced a unique encounter . Sure I did not need to have him on my finger tips like that but obviously the boundaries between us were missing . It was like seeing an old friend . I let go of my frustrations at this bird species for a while . Maybe my story will alter your view of this type of bird as well . We spent a few days down in the Long Point / Port Rowan area while on a 2 week vacation . Nice area and I will blog about it soon , once I 'm back on the grid , meaning vacation is over . Booooooooooo ! Here 's a momma Raccoon near our home , covering the cavity where her children sleep inside . I 'm sure this is to keep them from wandering around without her . What a good momma ! About a month ago I was feeding them and I noticed that wet look about him . He smelled pretty bad too . I couldn 't quite nail it but it 's something like old vegetable oil . I can only wonder what he got himself into . I made contact with TWC regarding him . It was advised that if I could catch him , to bring him in ( with advance notice of course ) and they would most likely be able to clean him up . It took a while to do this because either his timing was off , not arriving until too close to work time , or he got away from one of my few failed attempts ; and with Angie 's broken foot troubles we had been to a number of doctor appointments through the weeks and I 've not been around or too consumed with my own life . Actually , the story of my grabbing him is kind of funny . Believe it or not I had the assistance of Pierre . That Friday morning Pierre is waiting outside the back door . In comes Jersey Two . The day before we had a really cool rainy day and I knew my bird pals were quite hungry . Jersey had no patience on waiting for Pierre ( King Bird ) to finish up and he flew to my left forearm . . . Pierre is feeding from my left hand . The birds got into quite the coo coo cooing argument right there and next thing I know they are getting aggressive with each other . They are biting at each other and wings are flapping , whacking each other . I knew with his distraction to the fray , that this was my chance . A quick grab with my right hand and I had him in that bander 's grip I mentioned in my Pierre and TWC blog a couple months ago . Jersey Two quickly submitted , probably very confused to what was going on , why his human friend was doing this to him . It was a bit of a wait before we hit the road to the centre . I wanted to wait for morning rush hour to die off . I figured no sense in us sitting in traffic , crawling the roads ; better off to keep him in a dark quiet spot at home until it was time to leave and have half the drive time . He was a little restless during the drive . I spoke softly to him . I don 't think it had the same effect with him as it did with Pierre . This bird has only befriended me in the last 7 months ; it 's going on 5 years with Pierre . But overall he was pretty good about the confined road trip . That 's the thing with wildlife , we don 't always know what happens to them . I know someone else out there is befriending them , probably getting the ball rolling on these birds having trust in people . It 's funny when new birds fly in and jump right on me , being like " what up dude ? " I love them all but no way they can sense it just like that now . Why would I do something like that ? Well , more for me than anything else , keeping such data and adventures separate from my regular blog . It 's only seasonal , running from April until July , when I am helping monitor nest boxes in our area , mostly being Tree Swallows . I may touch upon the latest with our Peregrine Falcon fledge watches or any other nests of interest I may chance upon . Hellooooooooo ! Welcome back . Sorry for my absence . Life got pretty crazy ever since my wife Angie broke her foot on the first day of Spring . All the more reason I share this blog now , since it was her last outing with me ( for a while anyway ) on the last day of winter . March 19th Angie and I had an encounter with 2 , but quite possibly 3 Coyotes . We had decided to go for a walk at dusk , the " golden hour " as some call it . It was a pleasant evening , the very last official day of winter . It had been sunny much of the day and + 5 Celsius . Although I 'd been unwell all weekend , the thought of fresh air and possibly some wildlife sightings enticed me . For Angie , it was getting a good walk in , getting her steps , and perhaps seeing a few birds and whatever wildlife presented itself to us . All I can say is that it was an amazing sight to see these creatures . Of course the camera side of me wished for something much closer , getting some kick ass photos , but the nature side of me embraced this because it 's not very often that I see Coyotes , especially more than 1 . Most Coyote encounters of mine have been accidental . Quick views , I don 't have the camera ready , and before I know it the animal has disappeared . So seeing these two taking in their morning atop this hill was very peaceful and I was quite grateful to witness it . Another crop job just like some of the previous shots . There was actually a fence between us as well which added to the challenge of getting a photo . This could have been an amazing photo without the fence , without the distance , but I 'm good with that because it was an amazing encounter . When I share Coyote sightings on social media , most people are just happy about my encounter . Some do ask for locations to hopefully experience this as well and some want to know just to avoid the area because they are fearful of these creatures especially when walking their dogs or taking their kids out . It 's the fear bit that I 'd like to touch upon . It is my belief that respect must be given to all wildlife and their home ( s ) . Coyotes won 't come out and attack a human , adult or child . Like most wild animals , it would rather take the high road and keep clear of us . Leave the animals be , don 't chase them because you will never catch up to them . Don 't mess with their " children " . A human would totally lash out and probably get quite aggressive with another who messed with their kids . Why think it 's wrong for a parent animal to do the same ? Reports of Coyotes biting humans involved scenarios where people habituated the animals , feeding them from their back doors basically and then taking that one step too close , trying to hand feed the animals . Whether the bite was intentional or not , in the end , it 's that animal who loses . A reported Coyote bite lands the animal becoming a specific target , being shot and tested for rabies . The person may get a scolding for interacting with these animals as they did , and probably a round of rabies vaccinations . Some would learn from the experience while others unfortunately would gain a hatred for the animals . Unintentional bites can happen when hand feeding any animals . I 've been nipped by a few overly excited Squirrels in my day . It hurt like hell but it was me , putting my fingers holding the food towards the mouth of the animal . Sure I might call them " a little bastard " in the moment but I know it was my fault . Another scenario is a person trying to save their pet from the clutches of a Coyote . This is why I am a firm believer in not letting cats roam freely outdoors and keeping your dogs on leash when out in the wild . The smaller the dog , the greater the risk . Keep the leash short . Or better yet , avoid areas where Coyotes are known to be seen . Usually there are signs posted either by the city or even handmade ones from locals which I have seen near our home . Some are almost laughable but the point is made . I am almost tempted to stop this blog momentarily and go to where I have seen one of these handmade signs posted and take a photo of it . NOTE : I started this blog days ago . Last night I went to where one of the signs had been on a post in a nearby neighbourhood for months . That sign is gone . In it 's place is a sign of a missing cat now . True story ! I will leave it at that . It 's not just Coyotes you have to worry about taking your pets . We heard one horrific tale of a Great Horned Owl taking a person 's small dog when it was off leash out in the wild north of us . I 've heard and even know someone who had their pet rabbit attacked by a Red - tailed Hawk . My friend 's rabbit survived but with a vet bill attached , others not so lucky . Honestly , animals are very much like people . Put yourself in any situation instead of the animal ; what would you do ? I use this same analogy when it comes to photographing wildlife , especially sensitive species or situations like nesting birds . I 've found the only two recorded cases where Coyotes have actually killed a human in North America . Click on the links to get the full stories . First was a 3 year old in Southern California back in 1981 . Second was a 19 year old Canadian country folk singer from Toronto , killed in Cape Breton , Nova Scotia . As terrifying as both these attacks were , they are the ONLY two known cases where this species of animal has killed a human being . Now , for random attacks that ended in cuts , gashes , stitches , rabies shots , etc is considerably longer if you check this Wikipedia link . This is just information . This is NOT to spread fear . The list of incidents don 't give too much info overall , I am sure there was much more to each individual story . My actual Coyote encounters overall , I can probably count on two hands . If there was a total of 10 , 8 were from respectable distances because I can think of only 2 really close encounters . One time a Coyote cut across a path right in front of me and never stopped even for a moment . The other time , similar scenario , I 'm walking a path , a Coyote cut onto the path right in front of me , it was walking the same direction as me and continued on ahead , taking very little notice to me . Of course I 'm like " damn , I want a photo of his face " but what can I do ? Just enjoy the moment , consider myself lucky to see such an animal in my day time walk and be happy with it . Here is a rare " face to face " moment with one recently . Intimidating stance and glare but there was easily 100 ft between us and the animal . Then in the blink of an eye , quickly disappeared into the field , not to be seen again . The last few Springs I 've heard Coyotes yelping in the hydro field near our home . I 've been in the backyard after dark when the calling has started . It was exciting to hear . Early on in this past winter , I was out looking for Screech Owls after dark , and got to hear some Coyotes really belting it out in a golf course across the Humber River from me . It was very loud . It was a tad spooky since I was in the dark other than my head lamp . I knew they were across the river which ended any uneasy feeling I may have had . It would be my lack of experience and understanding of these animals that would set in the uneasy feelings . Here is a great YouTube link to some Coyote yelping after dark . As they state in the video , please take notice to the reactions of your pets . I played this rather low , one of our cats ignored it completely , while the other 's ears went flat and soon ran out of the room . I 'm just a guy who loves nature . I 'm not a scientist . I 'm not a behavioral analyst . Some people say I am a bit of a whisperer but I call it some good fortune with wonderful encounters of all kinds of wildlife . I 've always been respectful . I 'm in their house and I don 't forget that . I hope people act in similar fashion . If you are fearful of these animals , then just don 't tread where they may be . First off , we were quite a ways west of our home last weekend and I stopped into a very popular Screech Owl spot for a very brief moment . I first saw this Owl back in 2012 and most years in the month of March when we are in the area I try to see " him " . I 've been successful every March except for 2016 when the Owl was not showing . It was a peaceful moment with the bird and not another person seen ; I wasn 't there more than a couple minutes mind you . It was a quick view , kinda like a " hello " and away I went . I snapped a couple shots for the blog and they do look like pretty much any other photo I 've taken of it years before . Then just days later I chanced upon another Screech Owl I know , who is no where near as popular because this bird 's location has not been shared publicly . This Owl lives minutes from our home . Last winter I saw her quite often with my outings but this year , not so . The last time I saw this bird was back in November 2016 . I don 't actively seek it out and it 's another one of these " nice to know it 's still around and surviving in the wild " scenarios . A pass by , a short view , smile and continue on . Hopefully she does have a mate . Hopefully it 's the same bird as last year ; it was quite timid and often ducked back in the box upon noticing being observed . The 2nd Owl was rufous so easily distinguished from this one . 11 years ago in February I almost ran over the tiniest of kittens in front of the house . I threw my car in park right there in the middle of the road late in the night , jumped out and gave chase to the cat , but quickly lost sight of it in the darkness . I went home bothered by seeing this wee little cat out on it 's own , especially in the coldest month of the year . I kept a look out for it but did not see it again . Well , that is until some weeks later when I happened to go down to the old shed for something . I opened the door and there was the cat sitting on a shelf looking at me . We both startled each other . She quickly backed up , then darted out a small hole in the roof . It was obvious she was making a home of the shed judging by the numerous mouse parts I found scattered about . I began to leave food out for her and it took over a week for her to ease up with seeing me . I set up a box in the shed , put some old t - shirts within , and draped a couple heavy towels over it . It took her no time to figure out that I had made her a bed , well more like a shelter , and she could hide inside , being as warm as she could for being outside in the late winter . It 's funny to think back to this time . It was before Angie lived here . We were obviously just getting into the birds because for years now I am in the shed morning and night . Why was it so long between my last visit to the shed ? Maybe I did and don 't remember now so many years later ? But whatever the case , it was weeks before I saw that cat again . I remember how startled I was at seeing her but also amazed . I knew it was the same cat I almost ran over . Gotta give her some credit for being a survivor at such a young age . She learned how to hunt on her own . She found that small hole in the shed roof and knew it was the best possible shelter she could have for herself at such an unkind time of year weather - wise . Meadow , my last cat , made it clear that she was not keen on Skittles living here , not even down back . One afternoon Meadow slipped out the back door and went right for the shed . It always was a one cat house with Meadow AND it was also a one cat backyard with her too . You can easily see that with this photo of Meadow and another homeless cat named Smudge . Meadow was always on a leash and harness and her getting out to where Skittles was , was accidental . So lucky for us Meadow wasn 't into much free roaming . She left the house with a purpose and I can only imagine what she would have done to Skittles if she got to her . Skittles was not home and Meadow couldn 't figure out how to get inside the shed but she knew damn well there was another cat living in there . She must have smelled Skittles on my hands . More than a few cats have felt Meadow 's wrath , even with her on leash , she had no problem letting them know this was her home and they were not welcome . Most cats never came back . Swear on that one I do ! I remember Angie and I sitting on the deck one weekend talking about Skittles . She was growing up fast . She was hanging around the back of the yard , showing herself a lot more often to us . She had become quite comfortable with her surroundings , and us , she wasn 't " skittish " like her baby days . I think we were talking about somehow trying to make this work with her and Meadow or something . Then suddenly Skittles jumped up at the bird bath and pulled a Red - winged Blackbird right out of the water . We both jumped out of our chairs and started running to help the Blackbird . I remember wiping out on the wet grass that early summer 's morning . Angie half debated stopping to check on me but she knew the bird needed help ASAP and she kept going . The bird was quickly freed from Skittles 's clutches and we decided that we really needed to find her a home . Finding any animal a home isn 't easy . Skittles had youth on her side but the fact she was living outdoors all her life , she was not spayed and had no vaccines were against her . But luck have it that Angie found someone through her work . The following weekend Skittles was off to meet her new family . They changed her name to " Sabrina " and Angie took that as a good sign since it 's the name of a comic character she enjoyed reading the adventures of when she was a little girl . An unfortunate incident happened recently . The death of a person who was related to Skittles , er , Sabrina 's owner occurred . Angie knew the deceased woman as well . We went to the memorial service which happened to be in the condo party room of where Skittles now lives . So we got to have a little reunion with her after the service . It was wonderful to see her again after all these years . She 's a lovey girl , living the life of a spoiled rotten princess as it should be . She was affectionate so that made it all the nicer to mingle with her . I like to think that she remembers me . Hey I can pretend ! She couldn 't tell me otherwise . LoL ! I did feel sadness for the family and friends of the deceased but I took what positive I could from the situation . Most will get that I am sure . Don 't ask me where I get my names from , they just come to me sometimes . It has nothing to do with that celebrity mouse though . Maybe because of a wonderful Budge we had in our household when I was a young boy ? Even I don 't ask myself where / why the names come from . But I will admit I do get a little help at times from Angie and friends . Just last week I posted on social media about Mickey . We were going into our 3rd year of being " friends " . She 's probably been around longer than that but it was February of 2014 that I really took notice to her , and she to me , picking up on where to hang out behind the house to really get my attention . . . the back door , on the clothes line post , just like Pierre . It was funny to watch Mickey develop over time . She was such a sweet heart and a very docile bird in the beginning . But she changed . She got attitude . She got mean . She turned into a real bitch . She had no problem beating on any other Pigeon that came in . She was very vocal and those wings of hers packed a punch . It didn 't matter the size of the bird , Mickey stood her ground . Heck she even copped attitude with me a few times . I always say " You will always know where you stand with a Pigeon " . It 's true ! But Mickey was my friend , as friends go between a man and a Pigeon . She trusted me . Of course when it boils down to it , it was always about the food , the good food , but she would hop on me and hang out , go for walks down back to the shed if I didn 't have seed by the back door . She was a welcomed addition to our flock . Plain and simple . She was a unique bird , standing out from the dozens that come to visit day in , day out . Anyone who follows my blogs knows it 's been odd the last few months with my Pigeon visitors . They 've all been disappearing for long periods of time . 50 + days ! First Pierre 's flock . Now the Jerseys have been MIA for a week and counting . I know they 've found another feeding spot . I wonder where ? I wonder what they are being fed ? As long as they are happy , healthy and safe is all that matters to me . I do enjoy the surprise drop ins as I never know when they are going to come , or who it will be . Pierre started this all , and the Jerseys were a gift in his absence . Then all of them have been MIA and Mickey picked up as of last week . If you look at that photo above , you can easily identify her from the masses with that prominent eye ring . Also , look for the small Pigeon beating the hell out of the others . LoL ! We 've had some Hawk activity lately . Red - tail grabbed a Pigeon not too long ago ( think it 's posted in my last blog about Pierre ) and then a Squirrel this week . A Sharp - shinned Hawk was here on Monday and nailed a Starling . Then a couple days with a Cooper 's Hawk . I think I jinxed things when I shared a crap shot of the bird on Facebook 's Ontario Birds page and wondered out loud what was on it 's menu . Yesterday was a bizarre day as I think about it . That Cooper 's Hawk was here all morning while I was home . It sat in the tree down back . Chickadees and Nuthatches squawked occasionally at the bird 's presence , then went back to their own business . A small group of Pigeons , maybe 6 at the most , including Mickey came in and out numerous times . I had given Mickey a few handfuls of sunflower chip but it was never enough it seemed . Weird as our cat Molly also had a voracious appetite yesterday . Must be the return to winter weather ? The Pigeons were even feeding under the feeder pole with the Cooper 's less than 30 ft from them . I chalked it up as the Hawk had probably gotten his feed for the day and was just chilling . It wasn 't even observing the activity around it , including me out there observing it and taking a few photos . Almost 6 hours of it hanging out , not moving . I thought how odd . It was time to go to work , I did wish Mickey to leave as I did , and obviously she did not . Three and a half hours later , Angie comes home , and felt this need to go out back . She didn 't know why but she went with it . She found a dead Pigeon near our back deck . She did not who it was but texted me a quick snap of the body , informing me of her find , and that she hoped it was not one of my friends . I could not really get a view of the face but the wing pattern sure looked familiar . I suspected it was Mickey . While her eye ring is what really stands out to me , they all have distinct marks elsewhere if one really pays close attention to them . I was having a pretty crappy day at work and this made it all the more crappier . I wanted to be home now even though I knew there wasn 't a damn thing that could be done . Angie did notice a Cooper 's Hawk way at the back but it never came down again for the rest of the Pigeon . She later bagged it for me to check if it was a bird I knew . I get home , play with the cats for half an hour or so , who are very happy to see me . Then I put my head lamp on , go to the shed and investigate . Sadly , there was that prominent eye ring . Fuck ! Then to add to all of this , I can 't help but notice Mickey 's body was barely consumed . I will describe what I saw , it 's not pretty , but I promise you I am not adding a gross photo . I can 't . So , from neck right down to her bum was all exposed . Exposed as in all the skin and feathers were gone . But all her insides were still intact . The only damage was what I am guessing is her crop was opened up . I could see white millet seeds in this area . But everything else , still intact . Obviously the Hawk was working on her body when something must have disturbed her . The house next door is a rental and the landlord was over late in the day with some contractor doing a fence repair . This is the only thing that I can come up with . The section they were working on is between our houses and where Mickey 's body was found , was less than 20 ft from it . The Hawk got spooked and abandoned it 's kill . I 'd seen something like this once last fall . Cooper 's grabbed a Pigeon , was working on it , and the Squirrels all rushed the Hawk while it was on the ground finishing off the bird . The Hawk flushed , leaving the dying Pigeon there , but it returned less than 10 minutes later after the Squirrels spread out . The Hawk quickly grabbed the Pigeon and flew off to a safer spot to " enjoy it " . I was overwhelmed with sadness . I 'm going to miss that bird . She was a highlight to the backyard . And to think that her death was a waste in the end . Mickey got cocky . Or maybe too comfortable about it 's presence ? Perhaps even forgetting that such a threat was there since it sat for over 6 hours doing nothing . I put her back in the bag , closed the shed door , went inside , hugged my cats and made myself a little night cap . It wasn 't whisky Wednesday but I sure felt like one now . I kicked back , played some tunes , drank my drink and eventually fell asleep . Today I wake up and ponder what to do with her body . I just can 't throw her in the garbage . The ground is too frozen to bury her . I go outside , slowly making my way to the back . Of course I have my camera in hand and snap a few photos of the big beast . It 's just up there looking around , occasionally down at me , but it 's not flying away . I brought Mickey 's body out to the lawn and set it down . I 'm hoping that the Hawk will find it 's kill from yesterday afternoon and take it . Please let 's not have Mickey 's death be a waste . I also don 't want the Hawk starving on this bitter cold morning ( - 18c windchill ) . It 's been over an hour now since I started keying this . I almost forgot about Mickey 's body still being out on the grass . I decide to have a look out the window and this is what I see . From the deck . Leaving the Hawk be . Mickey isn 't there anymore , this is just her shell . She 's not suffering . She died about 18 hours ago . I am having a real mix of emotions right now . I am very sad . But I also feel a sense of relief . I feel closure . It 's a little fucked up . One of my bird pals has died , it 's being eaten as I key this , and I have two very different feelings about it all . It 's clashing but also working out somehow . It 's the stuff I 've thought about over the years since I 've made friends with some of these visitors and now it 's happening . Others have just disappeared , never to return again , and I can only wonder what became of them . I will never have to wonder what happened to Mickey . It 's almost 2 hours now since the Hawk found it 's kill and it 's still feasting away . No need for any more photos . Nuthatches , Cardinals , Woodpeckers and a Red - winged Blackbird have flown in . I can see a small flock of Pigeons on a tv tower a few yards over , they aren 't convinced the coast is clear . I 've taken a break from the blog and 30 minutes later I see the Hawk is gone , it 's taken whatever remained of Mickey 's body with it . There 's a pile of feathers on the lawn now , slowly blowing away in the strong winds . How symbolic . I love my Pigeon friends . I am happy to bond with them . I am happy I can help them along in life because Pigeons really are very dependent on us humans for survival . But they are wild birds . I can never cage them to keep them safe . Sure they would be free from all the dangers they face living in the city , but they would also lose their freedom , and their happiness . This is their life as cold and cruel as most ends for them will be . I assume most of you know who Pierre is . If not , quick re - cap , Pierre is a wild Rock Pigeon who literally jumped into our lives back on July 21 , 2012 and has been a regular visitor here ever since . Surely you 've seen the pics somewhere over the years , feeding from my hand , the Global News story . " Oh ya , that Pigeon ! " Right ? The last year Pierre has had longer breaks between visits . I 've missed him but in another way it 's helping me get used to the idea of him one day not coming back . This July will mark 5 years since we first met . Bird guides say ROPIs live an average of 3 to 5 years in the wild ; although some do live much longer than that with help from others , and if they can stay out of trouble or the talons of Hawks and Peregrine Falcons . Pierre has some great friends in way of myself and Angie . He seems to be pretty aware of the surroundings and smart enough to avoid here when Hawks are present . I make mental notes of our last encounter especially when days pass with not seeing him . He 's been exceptional with his absences the last number of months . November 1st , then not again until December 23rd , then December 29th and then finally coming in again on February 18th . Four visits in almost four months ! But this is where our biggest adventure takes place . I actually started this blog a long time ago but with time passed , I 'm not liking what I keyed out and have decided to start over . None of the facts have changed even with time passed and my memory of it all . I do hope to shorten it though . HA ! Between November 1st until December 23rd , I had made comments on social media about missing Pierre . I did not suspect anything was really wrong because his whole flock was not visiting . Yes , there are stand out members in his flock that I easily recognize . A lot of people question this ability of mine and I can see their point . All I tell them is to spend time with a flock of Pigeons , years in my case , you will be able to identify them even in a mass of nearly 100 birds coming to visit like I had a few times last winter . They eased my need for bird bonding at home . But even with my sharing about them , I still threw in about my wonders of how Pierre is , where he is . He is THE ONE who started this all here . As Christmas approached , I did a few " Days of Christmas " blogs with the nature gifts that were presented to me . Yellow - bellied Sapsucker for a couple days in December at our holly bush , and then the Screech Owl in our nest box . Then on December 23rd , Pierre finally came home . 53 long days he was away . I spread the news on social media but with it being so close to Christmas , I did not get the chance to blog about it . I had thought he was going to be here with us over the holidays but he once again disappeared . Then returning 6 days later on the 29th . Pierre showed up sporting some " trashy bling " . His left foot and toes were wrapped up in blue thread , lots and lots of blue thread . While this may not seem that serious , it is , as over time it can cut the circulation to the foot , the muscle tissue dies , toes can fall off , maybe even his whole foot and mobility will become difficult . Pierre was feeding from my hand and I put my free hand over top of him . Now any other Pigeon would suspect something was up and quickly react , like flying to the ground , but not Pierre . He 's got a lot of trust in me from the years together and he ignored my hand . I lowered it over top of him and grabbed him in a bander 's grip the best I could . A grip I 've not used in a while and a grip I 've never used on a larger bird . Bander 's grip on a small Sparrow or Warbler vs bander 's grip on a Pigeon . . . big difference actually . The grip is your index finger and middle finger around the bird 's neck while the remaining fingers and thumb surround the body , keeping the wings pressed to the body . An example shown here that I borrowed from Google . But with Pierre , there was very little fuss , and he quickly submitted . I think he quickly realized what I was trying to do as I inspected his foot , toyed with the thread , looking for a loose end . I wasn 't having much luck in finding one . I was having a lot of distraction by his friends all fluttering around us , more so wanting food , than any care / concern for their King in my hand . I decided to bring Pierre inside where I could look at him in a closed off room , having some more light , and no distractions . First I needed to put him in something . I remembered I had a spare box in the shed , a box we often use for birds of his size for transport to and from Toronto Wildlife . Now I had to take him for a walk with me ( the shed is about 100 ft from our back deck ) . I can only imagine what any neighbours must have thought seeing me holding this Pigeon like I was , and walking with him . I can only imagine what was going through Pierre 's mind as well . He 's belly up to the sky , looking at me , and around , but still not putting up a fight . I get him to the shed , close the door over and put him in the box . Then it was a quick pace back to the house , a call to TWC , leaving a message about the situation in case I needed to bring him in and then downstairs to the bathroom . I close the door , get him out and see what I can do . He puts up a little struggle at first because I 'm sure being inside a house , bright light over him that is not the sun , was rather confusing . But I talked to him in a calm voice , kept telling him it was okay and he relaxed . While he may not have understood my words exactly , I like to think my voice did help . He was even pretty chill when suddenly there were some cat paws coming through the underside of the door as Merry and Molly were on the other side , wanting to join us . That wasn 't happening . I dropped my bath towel across the bottom of the door to put an end to that . I inspected his foot , and manged to cut about 3 inches of thread off with some small scissors . Pierre kept pulling his leg to his body , like I was ticking him , although I know it was just a reflex ( I was not hurting him nor pulling on his leg , impossible to do without a third hand ) . My hand was shaking as I tried to perform this sort of surgery on him ( of course I was nervous ) . Trying this alone proved to be extremely difficult . I had the phone with me and suddenly it rang . It was someone from hotline at Toronto Wildlife . I 'm still holding Pierre with my one hand while I take the call . I swear he gave me this look like " Dude ! WTF ? Taking a phone call now ? " I had left them a detailed message already so there wasn 't much to say other than " yes I still have him contained " and they said " bring him in " . I spoke to Pierre through the drive , just a calm light voice , saying " it 's alright Pierre " or " I got your back Pierre " , etc . No matter what I said , I said his name with it . I 'd like to think he knows the name we 've given him after all these years . Normally you are supposed to be quiet when traveling with wildlife but Pierre is not your normal wildlife , is he ? We get to TWC and he is quickly taken to the back room . I offered to wait if someone was able to observe him sooner than later . Depending on what was going on beneath all that thread , he could come home right away . But they had to get the thread off first and see . Lucky for us , it 's a time of year where things are normally much slower with wildlife emergencies and there was enough staff in that morning , that he was observed almost immediately . And even luckier was that there was nothing going on beneath the thread , no skin breaks , no bleeding , no infection . He was deemed fit to go home right away . I kept Angie in the loop via text about what was going on . When I said we were on our way home again , she replied with " make a donation ! " Doh ! I ran back inside the centre and got that on the go . Now we were going home . Once again , the drive back , I talked to him throughout . " You 're going home Pierre " . We get home , and I get him out back , releasing him down at the shed . I was happy to see his flock was still around almost an hour and a half later . Weird that they were all still here . Remember , it 's been 53 days since they were all here like this . I release him , which took a little time , and I put my hand in the box to help him out . He took to my hand like nothing , and came out to the open wild world once again from my palm . Mere seconds passed and he took flight , going to a nearby roof top to join his mates . I threw more food down for everyone and they all came back in to feed . Pierre was a little delayed about this all and I worried that maybe our trust was broken . Silly me ! He finally flew in , picked at the corn for a moment until he saw me put my hand out to him , saying his name and I had the good stuff to offer him . . . shelled peanut bits ( no salt of course ) and sunflower chips . He was in my hand in the blink of an eye . All was well in his world and back to normal . I anticipated a return the next day . Nope . The day after . Nope . Now with the New Years weekend upon us , hoping to bring in 2017 with him . Nope . 51 days later ( Feb 18 ) he flies in like he does any other time , landing in his usual spot by the back door , and greets me like no time has passed . It certainly was a great start to the Family Day long weekend because Pierre sure is like family to us . He ended up coming in all 3 days , showing up just before 8 am each day . Here we are . The gang is all here and 2 flocks are mingling with a little bit of squabbling . We all look like shit first thing in the morning , but we don 't care . LoL ! I tell people he 's cheating on us these days , having a new friend to mooch off of . I say it in joking manner but of course it is true . Pigeons are very dependent on humans for survival . Resident Red - tailed Hawk caught one of his friends on Feb 20 . I had seen the Hawk come in a couple times , flushing birds , Pierre and his buds were long gone , but the Hawk managed to grab one somewhere nearby . We noticed feathers falling from the sky , and I went out to investigate , spotting this . I can even tell by this Pigeon 's markings , that it 's not one of my special buds . I still felt some sadness although I know well enough that this is how it goes , it is nature . On a final note , I would like to add that I can honestly say that Pierre did not get any special treatment with his care at TWC . As I mentioned , he was lucky there was available staff on hand and it was a slower time of the year , plus early on in the day . All these things put together , along with the short time the thread was around his foot , made for a quick and easy visit . All wildlife patents get the same care and concern when coming in . It 's just great when they can go free again like this , and so quickly . Any animal Toronto Wildlife can help , and not have to keep in care , is a great thing . Maybe you 've made it to the end of this blog ? Maybe you 've got a warm and fuzzy feeling all over now ? Maybe you are thinking about sending a " thank you " to TWC , they are a charitable run organization after all , here is the link to do so . If so , please tell them " Pierre " sent you . Sorry , couldn 't help myself with this last bit . Being an animal lover , I felt a need to share my experiences of present and past with others who are also fond of all the wildlife we share this planet with . I try to avoid the tragedies that surround us , unless I am a part of a positive solution or know others are doing as such . Often I will mention Angie , who is my better half ( when I am not ) and my counter part in many of my wildlife adventures . All photos have been taken by me unless otherwise stated . Welcome to my blog which will be all about me and the animals . I 've always been an animal lover and do my best for them no matter where I am , what I am doing . One can be surprised at what they will see in a city as big as Toronto . . . unfortunately so many are in a rush with their day getting to the office , beating the rush at Tim Hortons or just eyes glued to their Blackberries that miss so many wonders around them , above them , under them . Great sights , sad sights , and thought provoking too . All one needs to do is open their eyes to what is around them and you may learn something , you may save a life , you may add a little something extra to an ordinary day . |
If you are reading this , chances are you already know what this post is about . It 's like a bad movie . You know what 's going to happen . You know what comes next , but you can 't help but hope that you 're wrong . Then there it is , reality exactly as you knew it would be , but hoped it wouldn 't . After four long years of fighting , Sarah Elizabeth Gomez lost her battle with leukemia . On Friday , April 12 , 2013 , Sarah had an appointment in OPI for labs , blood and platelets , which were very badly needed . She had spent the last two days on the couch , tired and cranky and miserable , barely eating , and in excruciating pain every time she had to pee . I found myself having to sit on the floor in front of her potty , holding her hands , and teaching her to breathe like she was in labor . Every time . So by Friday , I was eager for her to receive her blood products , if only so that she would feel a little better and have a little more energy . Labs were taken , blood was started , and then the doctor came in . Dr . Horvath , the wonderful doctor who gave us three good months with Sarah , was at a conference , so Dr . Torno , the most compassionate of the doctors , came in . She did the usual once - over , palpated her abdomen , then looked at me with tear - filled eyes and gave me a hug . In my mind , it was a compassionate hug for the slow decline Sarah has experienced over the last four years , for how hard she had to fight . I was not truly prepared for what she said next . Four words that changed my life forever . " Oh , hon . . . . we 're close . " Thankfully , Sarah was asleep from the premeds since blood had already been started , and she didn 't see the torrent of tears that found their way down my face . Dr . Torno explained some things I can 't quite remember now , and then I managed to calm myself enough to ask her how long Sarah had . She shrugged and said a week , maybe two at the most . A week ! ! ! She asked what I wanted to do , I told her that I wanted to take Sarah home . Sarah hated being inpatient , and we had already discussed this months ago , what we would do if and when the time came . My intention was to take my beautiful daughter home to die in her bed surrounded by her beloved dolls . When Dr . Torno left the room to make some calls , I burst into tears in earnest . I texted my friend and fellow cancer mom , Andrea , because I knew that her son had an appointment in the area that day . I knew better than to call my mom at work , and I wasn 't quite ready to deal with Sarah 's father . I needed time to wrap my head around this , and I needed someone to be there for me . I will forever be grateful for Andrea . Our case worker and the social worker came to talk to me about hospice , and I asked that we do it in another room . We went , and after I was comforted , we discussed some details . Andrea came in shortly thereafter , and once all was decided upon , the official people left and Andrea and I stayed in what was meant to be the isolation waiting room and was in fact a sort of makeshift staff lounge . We sat there for a long time , she held me as I cried . Hard . We talked it through , and then her husband brought me lunch . I went back to my room , and by that time , Dr . Horvath called me from her conference and said that she would like Sarah to be admitted so that we could get her pain under control before we put her in hospice . I agreed , because I trust all of the doctors implicitly , but especially Dr . Horvath . I called my mother , and managed a call to Sarah 's father , who told me to call him when we got home . Yeah . Sarah woke up , pitched a fit because she hates being inpatient , They sent us upstairs to the Rainbow Room . The Rainbow Room , one of two in the new tower , is basically a death suite . It is the last stop for these little warriors , the most comfortable rooms in the whole hospital where patients come to die . Beautiful , yes . Comfortable , to be sure , but still the last place my daughter ever saw . Sarah made her peace with being in the hospital , they gave her the infusion of platelets , and I put away her things while she played on the bed . The blood had perked her up and she was in good spirits . I plastered on a smile for her sake , and truly tried to soak up every moment . A loudspeaker announced that Turtle Talk would be starting soon , so I got her ready and took her downstairs . Turtle Talk is where Crush the Turtle from Finding Nemo comes out on this huge screen on the second floor lobby and actually interacts with the kids . It 's pretty awesome , and Sarah loved it when he chose her ! Dr . Torno happened to pass by , and was happy to see her looking a lot better than she had that morning . Can you blame me for having just the tiniest bit of hope that maybe they were wrong ? Or that a miracle might fall out of the sky and that my baby might be on every news channel in the world as a little girl who defied the odds ? When the room was still at the end of the day , and it was just the two of us , I asked her as I was tucking her into bed if she understood what was happening . I didn 't elaborate . I wanted to see how much she knew . She said that she understood , but that she was scared . I tried my best to reassure her , that everything would be fine , that we had discussed Heaven before , and that she would be content and happy when she got there . She expressed concern that we wouldn 't be together , that I would be all alone , that she would be all alone . I dispelled all of these fears as best as I knew how . The one that broke my heart was when she said to me , " Momma , when I 'm in Heaven , I won 't have your love anymore . " I started to cry , of course , and I told her that no matter what , she would ALWAYS have my love . I reminded her that our hearts were connected , even when we weren 't physically together , something I had told her before to alleviate the separation anxiety that began after her father left . She was constantly afraid that I was going to leave her , too . I reassured her that we would always be together , that she could see me whenever she wanted , that I would always love her , even in Heaven . She wiped my tears and told me not to cry , that it was going to make her cry . She got quiet for awhile , then said , " Momma , I don 't mind being in the hospital so much . They take good care of me here . " In retrospect , I think some part of her knew she would never leave that room , and she wanted to reassure me that she was okay with it , so I wouldn 't feel badly that we couldn 't honor her wishes and take her home . Over the weekend , Sarah 's pain got worse and worse . They kept changing her pain meds , upping the dosage , nothing seemed to work . The doctors didn 't feel comfortable sending her home , and I didn 't argue . What kind of time would she have at home if she was just in pain ? But true to form , Miss Bossy Boots had her bucket list all ready . She wanted to go . She had shit to do ! Disneyland , of course . The Aquarium , because she wanted to see a shark up close , and see the penguins . She really wanted Sea World , but I didn 't think she could make the trip . She wanted to go to the zoo to see the flamingos . She wanted to go fishing , and she wanted to go to the beach . Top Five . And she didn 't get to do any of it . She did , however , get to go on a shopping spree in the hospital gift shop . Kathie and Nick , my sister , my best friend from childhood and her daughter all accompanied us . Sarah had an amazing time looking at all of the possibilities , because there was no way I was saying no that day , and she knew it . She ultimately ended up with a pair of lady bug wings , two hello kitty cups , a five sided crayon , and various other small items that escape my memory . There was some issue because I tried to pay with a $ 50 , and apparently , they couldn 't make $ 20 worth of change , and I was a terrible person for even attempting to pay with anything larger than ones . We made fun of the clerk on the way out , and Sarah was happy . My dad says , typical woman , it figures she would squeeze in one last shopping trip . I am glad she at least got to do that . After two days in the hospital , I yelled at her father over the phone and told him to get his sorry ass down there , and that it was inexcusable that he hadn 't come when I called him before . He said he didn 't know it was like that , that I always say she 's dying . I completely lost my shit in the hallway , yelling at him , that yes he did effing know , that I always let him know what 's going on , and a bunch of other things I 'm sure weren 't so nice . It was heated enough that the charge nurse came charging down the hall , and I immediately started making apologetic gestures so that they didn 't eject me from the hospital . I was swiftly ushered into a conference room where I could yell at him in peace . He came , and I had to beat it into his head that she was dying . He had been living in denial all this time . He couldn 't accept it , by his own admission , wouldn 't accept it . I stood there , watched my husband cry , wavering between sympathy and apathy . I loved this man once . He is still my husband . I should have been able to comfort him , to hold him , we should have been able to go through this together . But we couldn 't , because he has a girlfriend . So I stood by and watched him cry , watched him come to the realization that I had spent four years coming to . She was really leaving us , and there was nothing we could do . Monday , she literally slept all day , as in , 24 hours straight . She got up twice to pee , both of which were excruciating experiences , but then went straight back to sleep . By the next day , her pain was out of control , she was irritable and inconsolable , and the only thing that made her feel any better was when I would rub her feet with essential oils . Andrea had told me that peppermint oil really helped her son with his headaches , so I bought lavendar and peppermint , and mixed it with organic olive oil , which I stored in a specimen cup that had previously contained some of Sarah 's supplements . Recycling is cool , y ' all , but I was seriously freaking people out with that oil in the specimen cup ! Because of the color , anTuesday she went fast . She had visitors , a lot of visitors , and I think it was a bit overwhelming for her , because she was irritable all day . It was a bit overwhelming for me , to where when my friend Giselle suggested going downstairs for coffee , I jumped readily at the chance . When we got back , The doctors decided to sedate her , and I asked them to clear the room , to make it easier for both of us . Nurse Kara did it gladly . How blessed were we that Sarah got her two favorite nurses on the day she died , and that it wasn 't by accident ? Kara called everyone but the mayor to be sure she got Sarah that day . By the time I got back from coffee , Sarah was irritable and being mean to her cousins , whom she had never met before . They were climbing on her bed , and she said that she didn 't want them to do that because she didn 't like people she didn 't know , and that they were going to get her bed all dirty . I took one look at my baby , and I instantly knew what was wrong , as mothers do . I looked into her eyes , and I said , ' There are too many people in here , huh ? " Sarah 's eyes filled with tears , she pouted and nodded her head , so grateful that I understood without her having to express it through her pain and suffering . I am so grateful that I was able to understand her in those final moments in order to make her more comfortable . Immediately , Nurse Kara called me out of the room , and Dr . Kirov was in the hallway , telling me that Sarah was progressing toward death faster than they had anticipated , so they wanted to sedate her at that moment to try to minimize her pain . This news disheartened me greatly . Trevor 's mother had been begging them for days to sedate him , and they wouldn 't because he wasn 't far enough along yet to justify it . And he had been there a full week before Sarah . He had far more complications , his pain seemed greater . Yet , we had been there for three days , and they were telling me it was time . Dr . Kirov grabbed my arm , squeezed it in comfort , but would not meet my gaze . I have mentioned before that Dr . Kirov ' I called her father out into the hallway , explained to him what was happening . Kara and I had already discussed clearing the room to make it more comfortable for Sarah , and she said that she would play the heavy . Sarah 's father was still in denial , still asking if there wasn 't anything else they could do . In my frustration I remember thinking that this child would be dead a week and he would still be asking if there wasn 't anything else they could do for her . I understand he was grieving just as I was , probably worse , because he was playing catch - up , no longer able to deny the reality , but seriously , where the fuck has he been all this time ? ? ? I tried to be patient , then gave up and went to be with my daughter . Kara cleared the room , administered the first round of Versed . I climbed into bed with Sarah and held her like an infant . Nurse Kerry , Sarah 's favorite night nurse , took over the night shift , and I was so grateful to see her face . I could not have gotten through it if it had been anyone other than her favorite . Over the years , we have become friends , family even . It felt right that they were there to say goodbye . I asked Nurse Kerry to send people in one at a time , so it wouldn 't be too overwhelming for either of us . My grandmother started to protest , asking if I was serious . I assured her that I was , and asked her to please not start with me right then . She stopped , and left the room . Slowly , people filtered in one by one , until the room was filled with people again , but only the people who Sarah loved the most . Andrea and her husband , Eric . My mother , father and stepmother . My sister ( my other sister and brothers were down the hall ) , and my brother , Ramon and sister - in - law , Diana ; Kathie and Nick , who are as close to spiritual godparents as it gets , I think . Kathie 's mother , Stella , my cousins , Michael and Jenee . Their mother , my aunt Rose , and her other daughter , Paula . My best friend from childhood , Esther . From what I hear , there were more people in the conference room down the hall , but those are theInstantly the room filled with love and laughter . It is impossible to think of Sarah without being happy , without laughing . That 's the way she loved things to be , always happy and full of love . During our conversations , Sarah would moan periodically , trying to contribute to the conversation , I think , and being physically unable to respond . She wasn 't able to swallow , she was so heavily sedated , but her mind was still very present . I would try to put the suction tube in her mouth , and she would bite down so that I couldn 't get it in her mouth . Then once I had it in , she would bite down so that I couldn 't get it out ! A little stinker to the end ! Her father made some excuse about having to take Mariah , his daughter , home so that she could go to school the next day . In my head , I called bullshit , but didn 't argue . Her sister was dying , like she was really going to go to school the next day ! But I had more pressing problems at the moment , and I didn 't have time to argue . It was his conscience , his guilt to deal with if she died and he wasn 't there . I knew where I was , and I was only in charge of myself . This is what I kept telling people when they would grouse to me about his behavior . Sarah released her bladder after awhile , and it got all over her , me and the bed , so I had no choice but to release her , clean her up , clean the bed , change my own clothes . Once everything was done , I noticed that she was still in pain , so I laid her down on the bed and got out the oil . I sat at the foot of the bed and began to rub her feet . Through her sedation , she moaned , in protest when I put her down , but when I began to rub her feet , she relaxed instantly . and the environment got very mellow , very serene . The lights were dim , and everyone was so calm . The love and tranquility was palpable in the room . " Hallelujah " by Rufus Wainright came up on Pandora , and I started to hum , because it calms Sarah when I sing to her . In my mind , I replayed the night she was born , when I spent the entire night singing softly to her while her father slept . It was an absent - minded thing on my part , yet not . I would have done anything I could to ease her pain in that moment . Then Nick started humming with me , and on the " Hallelujah " parts , everyone started singing in earnest . I think the only reason there was humming was because no one knew the words ! : ) It was soft and loving , a mother 's lullaby sung by everyone who loves her . I wish that I was articulate enough to paint you a picture as beautiful as the one I can recall in my mind . In that moment , I think we all caught a glimpse of heaven . The cross - talk started up again , and Sarah through her sedation said my name three times . " Mom . . . Mom . . . . Mom . . . " I mentioned before that Sarah was so heavily sedated that she couldn 't even swallow , much less form words . The first one I didn 't hear because I was talking to Kathie , and Kathie was the one who stopped our conversation and said , " Wait , did she just say ' Mom ' ? " We all stopped to listen , and then she said it twice more . I reassured her that I was there , that I loved her and that she was safe , that she shouldn 't be afraid , that everything was okay . Someone mentioned that they hoped Sarah wasn 't waiting on her father , because he more than likely wasn 't going to return . Later on , I found texts in my phone from him that his " aunt " ( I am not entirely convinced it was his aunt , as his aunt was his excuse during the two years he was carrying on with that woman ) was having a hard time with Sarah 's imminent death , and that he was trying to console her . It upset me , because Sarah 's father was very important to her , and she needed him . His " aunt " is an adult , and her feelings could have waited . Not to mention that fact that if it were me , I would have sent him back to the hospital immediately , after giving him what - for for even leaving in the first place . But I digress . Someone ( I honest to God cannot remember who , I think it was my aunt , but I can 't be sure ) said they hoped she wasn 't waiting on him , and then her breathing started to get extremely labored . Her entire body convulsed with every breath , I have never seen anything like it , not even on television . It is awful to have to see your baby like that . I called Nurse Kerry in to up her pain meds , figuring she was in pain , and Kerry listened to her chest and confirmed that these were her final breaths . I put my hand on her chest , murmured to my baby through my tears that it was okay , that I was there , that she shouldn 't be afraid , that I loved her . Underneath my hand , her heart stopped beating and her chest went still . At 12 : 54 am , on April 17 , 2013 , Sarah ElizMy eyes widened in horror and disbelief , how could this be happening ? I shook my head , and broke down . My sobs turned into a full blown panic attack . I haven 't had a panic attack in years , but I had one in earnest then . I had been holding in my sorrow for days , every time I would cry , it would upset Sarah , so I tried my best to keep it from her . All of the emotions I had been holding in all that time tried to come out all at once , and it was too much . Nurse Kerry crouched down underneath me , raised my arms above my head and told me to breathe . I calmed down eventually into quiet sobs , and Kathie , Nick , and everyone reassured me that I was the best mother to her , that I had done everything I could , that she knew how much I loved her and that I had done everything to make her happy and comfortable . Kathie said that I held the perfect balance between letting her be who she was and maintaining discipline , which was not easy with a child as willful as Sarah was , and Nick said that he was honored that Sarah liked him at all because she was so selective . She either liked you or she didn 't , and sometimes , she made you work for it , but once you were in , you were in . This lightened the mood some , and one by one , everyone filtered out of the room . Nick called Sarah 's father , and he returned some time later , saying , " No . . . no . . . " over and over , like he couldn 't believe it . What did he think was going to happen ? He started hitting and kicking the walls , lightly , thank God , because I was not about to pay for that shit , and everyone watched in silence . No one moved to comfort him . Finally , my cousin Michael , compassionate , big - hearted creature that he is , went to attempt it , and that only made it worse , which is why I didn 't attempt it myself . I know this man . They both disappeared into the bathroom , which I assumed was to contain him , but I was told later that he actually started throwing up in there . A few minutes later , he left the room , practically running , and I assumed that he was just going out into the hall , or maybe outI was left alone with her for awhile , and Nurse Kerry offered to let me bathe her . If you had asked me a year before , or even a week before if I would be willing or able to do this , my answer would have been a big fat HELL no ! But I have done a great many things in the past month that I never thought I would be able to do , and in that moment , I knew I would regret it for the rest of my life if I didn 't . I bathed her the way I always have , the way I did the very first time when she was only a few days old , so soft and sweet and new . I said goodbye to every last inch of my daughters body , to her little hands , so much like mine , to Katie and Cafeteria , her feet . Katie was the right , a girl , and the trouble maker . Sarah had neuropathy from the chemo , and it manifested the most on the right side , so when her leg would go numb , she would trip a lot , so Katie got a bad rap . Cafeteria was a boy , Katie 's brother , and he was more docile , but made " faces " at Momma . Cafeteria 's " faces " were made by Sarah stretching her toes out as far as they would go . She made up these personalities for her feet , this whole back story , when she was two . Sarah 's feet were my favorite part of her , her little monkey toes ! All of these emotions , all of these memories came swelling to the surface at once , five years of a life , and it was all over in an instant . Kerry helped me with the bath , and by then , she had started to stiffen up . I realize that this may be hard for some of you to read , and I am sorry if it offends anyone , but this is the reality . This is what happened , and I wouldn 't be doing my daughter justice if I didn 't tell her story properly . As hard as it is for you to read , it 's the truth and it was 100 times harder for me to live . Sometime right after she died , my family had packed up all of our things and loaded them in the car , so I didn 't have any fresh pajamas for her , so I just put the same ones on . Everyone who knew us knows that my daughter was always clean , NEVER had dirty clothes on , and always looked a fashion plate . She Kerry had me sign a release form so that once we found a mortuary , it would be easy on their end to release Sarah . She got the charge nurse , Karen , who is normally tough as nails , but was shedding tears profusely , more than I was at that moment , to come and sit with her , assuring me that she would never be left alone . Karen gave me a hug , entered the room to sit next to Sarah 's bedside . I looked longingly back toward my baby , and I lingered in the doorway , physically unable to move . I tried several times to propel myself forward , and I just couldn 't . I have never left Sarah behind in the hospital . Most nurses can tell you that unless you kick me out , I don 't ever leave the room unless Sarah is with me . It was the hardest thing I have ever done to walk out of that room of my own volition and leave my baby behind for the last time . Andrea had stayed behind to be with me , to drive me home , and she held me all the way downstairs as Kerry escorted us down . It seemed unconscionably long as the valet went to retrieve my car while we waited in the new CHOC ER , which was surprisingly empty . I sat in a chair , visibly in shock , clutching the blanket that had been covering Sarah in her final days and inevitably her final moments , and Castles , her best toy , the trusty pink unicorn who never left her side during her four years of treatment . Andrea drove my car home , and she asked me if I had any thoughts about funeral arrangements . I decided in that moment , remembering the blood that had come out of Sarah 's nose , that I didn 't want a viewing . Sarah was very close to Andrea 's children , her daughter Savannah was her best friend , and I wanted them to be able to say goodbye without having to be traumatized by seeing their friend that way . After what I had seen that night , I didn 't want to see her that way anymore . When I thought of Sarah , when I think of her now , I don 't think of her death . I think of the life she lived , how happy she was , how happy she made everyone around her . To date , I have only ever met one person who wasn 't We got to my house around 6 am , and it was equally as hard walking into the house without Sarah as it was leaving the hospital without her . I broke down in tears , Andrea stayed for a moment , then drove my car home . My grandmother made my mother and I some chamomile tea and toast , I don 't know how long it had been since I had eaten . My mother and I talked for awhile , and the first phone call came about an hour later , from my estranged uncle 's wife , to whom we hadn 't spoken in about three years . My mother hung up on her , and we talked about that for awhile before the melatonin she and Andrea made me take started to kick in . I climbed into my bed , covered up with Sarah 's blanket and held Castles . I put on a Netflix movie for background noise . I slept for a few hours , then got up and dressed so that we could attempt to make some funeral arrangements . I couldn 't bear the thought of my baby laying in that morgue any longer than was absolutely necessary . We were offered discounts with two different funeral homes , but something , probably my bossy daughter , kept telling me to go to Rose Hills . It 's beautiful there , and Sarah loved flowers . We were going to cremate her , and bring the ashes home , but something kept telling me to go there . So I told my mom that we could go see what it was about , and if it was too expensive we would go with one of the other funeral homes . As it turns out , it wasn 't bad at all , they were more than supportive and helpful , and in a chapel that seats 200 , there was still standing room only . I did not hear from her father for two days , until I was forced to call him because I wasn 't allowed to make any funeral arrangements without his consent . I dragged him in there by his ear , and he sat as far from us as he could , since I had my mother , my aunt and my pregnant sister just waiting for him to say the wrong thing . The funeral coordinator asked if we would be separating the ashes , indicating Sarah 's father out of the corner of her eye . I had listed two separate addresses for us , and given the atmosphere in the room , I think she got the hint that we are separated . I didn 't even look his way , and I answered her with an emphatic " No . " " No ? " she said , again indicating Sarah 's father out of the corner of her eye . " No . " I replied again , just as firmly . I could feel his eyes on me , but I didn 't acknowledge him . He didn 't argue . When the coordinator asked what we would be doing with the ashes , I told her that MY daughter was coming home with ME . Again , I could feel his eyes on me , but he said nothing . The coordinator was gracious enough to skip to the part he needed to be there for , and as soon as he signed everything , he left . I wasn 't surprised , nor did I care . We stayed longer , of course , making all of the arrangements , trying not to laugh when they kept referring to my baby as " The Cremains " . I suppose it 's a technical term they have adopted , a combination of " cremated remains " , but given the somber and sympathetic tone they usually adopt when dealing with grieving families , it sounded so incongruous to use a term that sounds like it came off the menu at McDonald 's . Kathie , Nick , my sister and I all waxed intellectual ( and hilarious ! ) about it later on . " Back for a limited time ! The Cremains ! " " Get your Cremains while they last ! " " Yes , I 'll take some Cremains , and a diet Coke , please . " Nevertheless , everything was done , and Sarah 's father called me later to see what we had decided . I gave him the information , and ended the conversation . The next few days were a blur of errands and sleepless nights . I can see now why people pre - arrange funerals , although I can also understand why we never did for Sarah . It seemed too macabre , like we were giving up on her , and even her doctors expected her to survive . She was so strong . They never thought , we never thought , she would be the one to go . Sarah pushed us towards what she would have wanted . The gorgeous chapel for her service , the pink urn with the tiara in Swarovski crystals that had to be handmade and normally takes three weeks to deliver but that miraculously was able to be rushed and arrived two days before she was even cremated . The balloon release that was tacked on at the last minute , because several people who don 't normally communicate got the same idea at the exact same time . True to form , my little Bossy Boots was still bossing us around . The service itself was beautiful . Everyone spoke to how incredible my daughter was , and it was an amazing way to honor her memory , if you don 't mention the egregious way her father behaved . Inside the chapel , he was a mess , sobbing , clutching her urn to his chest like a baby , carrying on like anyone would expect of a grieving father . Then he kept going outside , and would be totally fine , talking and laughing with his friends as though nothing had happened , as though it were any other Saturday at the park . Then he would come inside , and put on a show , then go back out , and be fine . This is all second hand from several sources , I was too busy receiving condolences to keep tabs on him . Later on , while I was at the comedy fundraiser the Silver and Black Angels Foundation put on for our family and Trevor 's , I received a text telling me that he was out there with his friends talking about his new girlfriend . Later still , it was divulged to me that not only was he talking about her , he was bragging about all of their sexual escapades . AT HIS DAUGHTER ' S FUNERAL . I have long since come to terms with the fact that this man has no respect for me . But never in a million years did I ever think he would disrespect his daughter in this way . On the way home , I was quiet for a long time , thinking . Then as we were getting out of the car , unloading , I asked my mother to fill out the divorce papers . When Sarah 's father asked me for a divorce back in December , on Sarah 's birthday , the last she would ever have , three days before Christmas , the last she would ever have , in a TEXT MESSAGE after 11 years of being together , I refused to lift a finger . I told him that since he was the one asking for the divorce , he could do all the work . But on my way home from my daughter 's funeral , I realized that it wasn 't about punishing him , it was about setting myself free . The only part of him I still wanted was gone . I had already lost the one thing that mattered the most to me in the world . Up until then , I had mixed feelings toward him . A lot of anger , resentment , especially for the way he wasn 't there for Sarah like he should have been , for the way he should have been there for me and never was . Even some residual love , but all of that left when Sarah did . None of it mattered anymore . I lost the one thing that was everything to me . I have truly lost most of what people value . I lost my job and my foothold in my career path . I lost my husband to a woman who is nowhere near worthy , and nowhere near better than me , I lost my stepchildren , who I helped raise , but they hate me now , God knows why . If it wasn 't for my mother , I would be homeless , literally . But all of that , I can rebuild . I can find another man , a better man , one who deserves me , and one whom I deserve . I can possibly have more children , I can rebuild my career , or find a new one . But I will never have another Sarah . Her loss is the most devastating thing one can experience , and everything else is small in comparison . Let her have him , they deserve each other . How could I ever look at him again and feel anything but disgust at his behavior ? Now , I am sort of bouncing around , lost , trying to find my way . I devoted my entire life to my husband , his children , and their many problems , Sarah , and Sarah 's illness . For the first time in my life , there is no one for me to take care of , no one for me to mother . I don 't quite know what to do with myself , but I will say that I am overwhelmed and so , SO grateful for the outpouring of love and support I have received . I have a lot of people on my side , a lot of people looking out for me , the best one being my new angel , so I know that sooner or later , I will find my way . People tell me that they don 't know how I am holding up this well , and my answer is always the same . Sarah didn 't like anyone to be upset , and if God took her , it was because she was done here . She had fulfilled her purpose , and she touched many lives . If he left me here , it was also for a reason , and I need to figure out what that iPosted by Michelle LopezMay 10 , 2013 at 4 : 14 PMAdriana , you are an amazing woman and mother , you are an inspiration to us all , My heart aches as I read this last Chapter of baby girls life , But I cant wait for what is coming for you I pray for joy peace and happiness , and huge blessings in your life in Jesus name I pray , AmenReplyDeletea . mcdMay 13 , 2013 at 11 : 20 AMThis was so hard to read , but you wrote it do beautifully that it made it hurt a little less . I love you and was honored to have been touched by this little lovie ! ! ! ReplyDeleteAdd commentLoad more . . . If you are easily offended or faint of heart , read no further , because I refuse to censor myself . This blog is about my journey with my daughter . I did my best to maintain this life with a 5 year old daughter who had ALL , Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia , and then received a secondary diagnosis of AML ( Acute Myeloid Leukemia ) which is much more aggressive and has a much lower survival rate , a month before she was supposed to be done with chemo . I tried to keep my daughter alive and well - adjusted while trying to do the same for myself , and ultimately , we lost our fight on April 17 , 2013 . What you 've missed . . . ♥ |
There was a couple named Kristen and Ole . They had four children , but one of them was a cripple , they called him so most of the time . His name was Hans when otherwise described . He had been a normal child , but had gotten sick . Then he couldn 't walk . He stayed in bed . He was not idle . He spent a large amount of his time knitting things to sell for the benefit of the family . A lady who lived nearby gifted Hans with a storybook . The parents did not know what would become of a storybook , but did acknowledge that Hans could not spend all of his time knitting . Hans read the book and re - read the book . He read it over and over and over again . He read his family stories , which they came to enjoy . The stories made them think and made them question their lives , religion , and things in general . After some time a schoolmaster came to speak with Hans . He came again , and again , and taught Hans all mannder of things . Hans soaked up the knowledge that the school master gave to him . More gifts came to Hans as well . The very same lady who had given him the book , also gave him a little bird , which Hans enjoyed very much . One day , the house cat was eyeing up the bird and Hans just knew the cat would eat his bird . Hans yelled at the cat , but it didn 't do any good . He threw his book at the cat , but he missed . Finally , when it seemed the cat would get the bird right in front of Hans , he sprang from the bed and onto his feet . He could walk ! He was so excited that he ran all the way to the schoolmaster . Hans did walk again and he became quite smart . He left his family to go elsewhere , but they kept the story book as a remembrance of Hans and what happened to him . Just FYI , this is politically incorrect language these days . You 're supposed to use " people first " language . So you wouldn 't say " an autistic person , " you would say , " a person who has autism . " The idea is not to define a person by a disease or defect and define them as a person first , before anything else . You 're not Diabetes Phil , you 're Phil who has diabetes . People disregarded Hans because he had some kind of disease , probably polio , and couldn 't walk . They looked over him as if he weren 't there at all . We do this all the time . We do it with lots of things . We do it unconsciously in many instances . In our minds , somehow a person is determined as not a whole person , if they 're in a wheelchair , or if they have autism , or if they 're overweight , or whatever the case may be . We tend to define people by a characteristic rather than who that person is . A person is not just one thing , so why do we treat them that way ? These people thought in their heads , " That cripple kid is going to be in that room for the rest of his life , better give him a book to entertain himself . " Never did they think , " This kid is going to become a scholar . " They didn 't expect something like that of him because he had a disability . Stephen Hawking is in a wheelchair and requires a large amount of help and medical intervention on a day - to - day basis , but does that mean he accomplished less because of it ? He accomplished anyway , despite what was going on with his health . As long as a person is a person , they can do and accomplish things , no matter what characteristic or disability you may see as a detriment . The student was having a nice walk , but wished he could be traveling in Switzerland and Italy . As the galoshes were magical he soon found himself in a diligence going over the alps from Switzerland to Italy . The journey was not an easy one and he wished to be done with it . He soon found himself on sturdier ground in Italy . The journey was long and there wasn 't a good place to stay . He was worn out and wished for food and lodging . He found it with other travelers at a very nasty inn . It stank and no one could determine what the smell was . There were beggars in the street outside of the inn . The food was awful and some people joked that they might as well eat in the stable because then at least they would know what they were smelling . The student thought that traveling was great , but he thought it would be neater if he didn 't have his body to continue with . The shoes granted his wish and he soon found his soul separated from his body . When he came back around , his body was lying in a coffin at a wake . Care and the maid of fortune were there . Care had her , " I told you so , " look on her face and asked the maid of fortune what good things the galoshes had brought to humanity . The maid of fortune said that the student had good things because he no longer suffered the woes of the Earth . Care did not agree and took the galoshes off of the student who subsequently returned to his body . In the end Care took the galoshes into her keeping as they weren 't doing anybody else any good . Eccellenza , miserabili - This basically means excellence , and miserable . I don 't know why the beggars would be saying this . It 's a given that they 're miserable . Maybe they 're addressing the travelers as excellencies as they seem to be of a higher class and could possibly spare some money and food . The innkeeper was ill - kempt and poorly dressed . Her clothing was full of holes . The food was absolutely awful . I 'm pretty sure it was just leftovers from the Chinese restaurant next door , also of dubious nature . There was an awful smell in the entire place like some dead thing rotting and full of maggots . The parking garage smelled like people went to the bathroom in there all the time . We had to sleep in shifts because we were afraid the rats were going to steal our things . The walls were literally made of paper . There were also bed bugs and the person in the next room was a prostitute . Sometimes getting what you wish for isn 't so great . That 's really what this entire story is about . The galoshes gave people what they desired , but what people desired wasn 't really what they desired . They weren 't the kind of people to really want these things . The counsellor didn 't really want to live in the 1400s . The clerk didn 't really want to be a bird or a poet . The volunteer didn 't really want to see into the hearts of people . The other guy didn 't really want to go to the moon or be a lieutenant . They were passing fancies . Sometimes things just pop into our heads and we 're like , " Yeah , that does sound great ; " this especially happens when you 're really hungry and you order an entire pizza to eat yourself because you think you 're that hungry . You 're not that hungry . You 're going to eat until you feel sick and then just stare at the rest of your pizza with a mixture of disgust and nausea as it gets cold and the grease congeals . There 's a song , it 's a country song , and it 's about unanswered prayers . The basic idea is to thank God for not answering all of our prayers . Sometimes the thing we thought we wanted isn 't the thing we really wanted , or needed . Look , those skinny jeans may sound like a great idea , in theory , but some of us really don 't need to wear skinny jeans . If you put those on your Christmas list and someone actually buys them for you , you 're going to be disappointed when you try them on and realize fully that you 're not a skinny jeans person . Cue Sir Mix A Lot and his big butt crew , because those skinny jeans just aren 't going to work . Once upon a time a soldier was coming home from war . He met an old lady on the road . She asked for his help . There was a tree and that tree had a hollow in it . The woman told him that he must climb down and get all the money he wanted . She only asked that he retrieve her tinder - box when he was down below . She told them there were three dogs down there . One dog had eyes as large as teacups , another had eyes as big as mill wheels , and the third had eyes as big as towers . She told the soldier all he had to do was pick up each dog and set it on her blue - checked tablecloth and the dogs would not bug him . Down below the soldier found a chest filled with money ; he filled his pockets then went to look elsewhere . He then found a room with another dog and another chest . This chest held silver . He put the dog with eyes as big as mill wheels on the tablecloth and filled his pockets with silver . Then he found yet another room with the dog with eyes as big as towers . In that dog 's chest there was gold . After putting that dog on the tablecloth he filled his pockets with gold instead of silver . He went back up ; the woman asked him where her tinder - box was ; he went back to get it . When he came up the woman would not tell him what the tinder - box was for , so he killed her . The soldier went on his way and lived richly off of his wealth . He heard of a princess who slept in a tower of copper . It was whispered that she would marry a common soldier . The soldier asked if he could see her and he learned no one was allowed to see her . After he had spent all of his money he was playing with the tinder - box one night . He struck it and the dog with eyes as big as teacups appeared . The dog asked him what orders he wished to give . The soldier told the dog to bring him money . The dog soon came back with plenty of money . The soldier learned that if he struck the tinder - box once the dog with eyes as big as teacups would appear , twice , and the dog with eyes as big as mill wheels would appear , three times , and the dog with eyes a big as towers would appear . One night he called the dog with eyes as big as teacups to him and told the dog he wanted to see the princess . The dog rushed off and brought the sleeping princess back on his back . The soldier kissed her . The dog took her back . The next morning she told her parents about her strange dream where a soldier kissed her . They were wise to the whole thing and suspected foul play . They set an old lady to watch the princess . The dog came again the next night to take the princess . The old lady put on water boots and ran as fast as she could . She marked the house of the soldier with an X so she could show the king the next day . The soldier wised up and marked Xs on all the doors in town . The next day , no one could tell which house had been the soldier 's . The next night the queen was ready . She made a bag with a hole in it full of buckwheat flour . The dog did not notice the flour spilling out of the bag when he came to get the princess . The trail of flour led right to the soldier 's house . They told him he would be hanged . In jail he bribed a boy to run to his house and get his tinder - box for him . At the gallows he requested to smoke one last pipe . He struck the tinder - box three times and all three dogs appeared . The dogs attacked all the accusers , councilors and judges and killed them . The king ordered not to be touched , but he was also killed by the dogs . Everyone was too afraid of the solider to resist , so they said he could be king and he married the princess . The dogs were allowed to sit at the table during the wedding feast . I 'm guessing that the women were the candy sellers back in the day , but at first glance this passage appears a little strange . I do think this could possibly be taken in more than one manner . Maybe sweet - stuff women isn 't necessarily a descriptor for women who sell candy , maybe they sell other things , you know , like their bodies . I have no basis for this though . I just suggest it could be taken in more than one way . Why in the world would water boots make you run faster ? Boots meant to be worn in water are often heavier than regular boots and more clumsy with their rubber and such . Maybe this woman just really wanted to run through mud puddles or maybe it 's like a video game and how you can equip certain shoes that make you run faster . For those of you who don 't know , a tinder - box is a little box you would use to start a fire , well , get a spark . You would then have to nourish that spark enough that it would grow into a fire . A tinder - box is basically the equivalent of a lighter . These boxes would have flint , fire steel , and tinder . The tinder would be a piece of char - cloth or other material that would readily hold a spark . Matches eventually came along and replaced tinder - boxes , but if you area a savvy outdoors - person , you probably take a tinder - box with you on camping trips in case those matches don 't hold up how you want them to . I wouldn 't call this a story with a happy ending . Sure , he gets to marry the woman ( girl ) that he wants to marry , but that 's only happy for him . Everyone is not happy . This girl 's parents are dead and her new husband is the reason . The people of this kingdom now have a tyrant ruling over them . Complain all you want about the other guy locking his daughter in a copper tower , this new guy is not nice . He 'll sic his three weird dogs on you and that will be the end of your existence . His people will live in fear . You don 't have to be a nice guy to win . This soldier is not a nice guy . First off , he just kills this woman out in the woods because she won 't tell him what she wants to do with her own belonging . Then he blows through a large amount of money , seemingly in no time flat . Then he steals a girl from her room three nights in a row . Does he just kiss her or does he do other things to her ? Can his dogs get him Rohypnol as well ? He then murders all these people including the parents of his soon - to - be wife . He 's not nice . He 's a jerk . He 's using what powers he took by force to make other people do his bidding . What a jerk . This story is not a happy story . This soldier is a harsh person . War might have made him that way or maybe he was that way before he went to war . We could suppose that he was a nice guy before he went to war and came back a tyrant . War does change people ; there is no escaping that fact . It is time to make a foray into a different literary world . This time we 're going Danish , not Dutch , Danish . Hans Christian Andersen is the man we 're going to spend a few months with , perhaps a year , we 'll see . If you did not know , Hans is responsible for The Little Mermaid . There is a statue of the Little Mermaid in Copenhagen , Denmark . Hans was born in 1805 , a few years before the Grimm 's brothers released their fairy tales in 1812 . Hans began publishing stories are a young age , but started publishing fairy tales in 1835 . Subsequent releases saw more and more fairy tales that were retellings of traditional tales Hans heard growing up , but also tales he himself wrote . As far as a person , Hans was a weird one . He liked to write . He hated school . He didn 't want to have sex . He fell in love with both women and men . He seemed to be a very romantic person , generally , but was quite shy . Hans died in 1875 of liver cancer and other ailments . He did not get married or have any children . Rumors have persisted for a long time that Hans was the illegitimate child of a king , but nothing has ever been proven . Hans was interested in celebrating Scandinavia . His stories reflect life in the region . While I had something of a tie to the Grimm 's brothers as I do have some German heritage and someone in my family was actually named Grimm , I do not have any ties to anyone even the remotest bit Scandinavian , but I 'm going to enjoy this anyway . A movie was made about Hans in 1952 ; it 's called Hans Christian Andersen . I included a clip of it down below . I 've seen the move on several occasions , but it 's been years . So get ready . We 're going to do The Little Mermaid , The Tinderbox , and The Emperor 's New Clothes . We 're going to do it all . Once upon a time there was a small family who lived alone in a valley . The mother and the son were one day out in the woods gathering fir branches when robbers sprang out of nowhere and carried the mother and her child away . The woman begged to be set free with her son , but the robbers told her they wouldn 't kill her . If she kept house for them , they would keep her alive . Their house happened to be underground and lit only by a fire lit on the hearth . The woman stayed many years keeping house for the robbers . The child 's name was Hans and he grew . He asked who his father was one day , and the mother would not tell him . She was afraid he would get hurt trying to get away from the robbers trying to find him . Hans decided to ask the captain of the robbers who his father was . Hans had made a club and took it with him to accost the captain of the robbers . He told the captain to tell him who his father was , or else . Hans got the crap beat out of him . Hans decided he would wait a year and try again . Hans did try again , at first , the captain was able to knock Hans on the ground , but Han got right back up swinging . He ended up beating the crap out of everyone there . His mother had been watching cautiously from a corner . When everyone was too sore to move , she helped him escape . They took a bag filled it with some loot , got the key to the cave from the captain and walked out into the sun . Hans was surprised to see all of the trees and the sky since he had not seen them in many years . They walked until they came to the little house where they had lived before . The father was still there . He had supposed them both dead , but was very glad to have them back . Hans set down his heavy bag of loot on the floor and it fell right through . The father was a bit upset that the house was broken , but Hans told him not to worry . There was more than enough money in the bag to build a new house , plus buy cattle and other items . Hans helped around the house for a year , but then got the wanderlust . He made himself a walking stick of a hundred - weight and told his parents he was going a - traveling . Hans went on his way and came across a large man twisting a large rope around a pine tree . Hans was impressed and decided to invite the man along his journey . Hans named the man Fir - twister . The two soon came upon another large man . He was standing by a large rock striking pieces of it away with his fist . Hans invited him along as well , but renamed him Rock - splitter ( not Rock - biter I 'm sorry ) . They walked and walked and came to a deserted castle . They slept there the night . The next morning Hans went into the garden and found a boar rushing at him . He knocked it out with one blow . They ate the boar and decided that they would keep house there a bit . Each day one man would stay home , while two went out to hunt . The first day Fir - twister stayed home . He was cooking when a little man came up and asked for some meat . Fir - twister told him , " No freaking way , " but the little man soon sprang up and beat the crap out of Fir - twister . When the other two got home , Fir - twister said nothing of the little man . The next day Rock - splitter stayed home . He was cooking and the little man showed up to ask for bread . Rock - splitter wasn 't going to give him any . Well , the little man beat the crap out of Rock - splitter as well , but he didn 't say anything about it when the other two got home . The next day it was Hans ' turn to stay home . The little man came again asking for meat . As Hans was more kind than the other two , he gave the little man some meat , which he ate , but them promptly asked for some more . Hans gave him some more , but then , the little man asked for even more . Hans told him no . The little man tried to beat Hans up , but Hans was stronger than the other two men . Hans knocked him down a couple of times and the little man ran away . Hans followed him . The little man went into a hole in the rock . Hans marked the spot . He told the other two what had happened and they admitted that the little man had beat the crap out of both of them . Hans told them it was their fault for being so stingy . They took a basket and rope and went to the hole . Hans let his club down first , then Hans went down . He found a door and inside was a maiden , but the dwarf was there grinning like a sea - cat . The maiden was chained and sad . Hans used his club to deliver a blow to the dwarf that killed him . The maiden 's chains released when the dwarf was dead . She told him she was the daughter of a king and that she had been stolen and imprisoned here . Hans put her up in the basket , but after he already put her up , he thought that this two companions might try to pull one over on him . So he sent only his club up next . It wasn 't long before it came crashing back down . Hans didn 't know how to get out . He was pacing back and forth and saw that the dead dwarf had a ring on his finger . Hans took it and twisted it . He looked up and saw the spirits of the air . They told him he was their master . They asked him what he wanted . He said he wanted to be carried up again . They did so . There was no one there when he arrived though . Hans twisted the ring again and they told him his friends were at sea . Hans ran and ran to get there and jumped in the ocean without thinking . Hans still had his heavy club with him and sank quickly , but he remembered the ring . He was transported to the boat where he beat his two former friends . Hans then sailed the boat back to the maiden 's house where he married her . These stories make me wonder if stealing the neighboring king 's daughter was a common occurrence back in the middle ages . Was it a common political move ? I think it 's something I 'm going to have to look into . I don 't know where I would find the answer , but it would be interesting to know . You have to remember our fiction mirrors our reality . So some of these things that happened in the Grimm 's fairy tales probably actually happened in some manner in real life . The reference to " spirit of the air " sounds very pagan , notice the story doesn 't say " angels . " There may be some version of this story that uses the term angels instead of spirits of the air , but this one doesn 't . You do have to remember that even during the 1700s there were still some pagan hold - out areas of Europe . There were many areas in which local pagan religions combined with the Christianity that came into the area to form a very unique version of Christianity . Some of our modern - day holidays ( Easter , Christmas , and Halloween ) are full of both Christian references while also being full of pagan references . It 's a wonder that the man waited for his wife so long . Usually that doesn 't happen . I know you guys want to believe in love conquers all , but back in the day , if your husband disappeared for several years , you went out and got a new husband because everyone assumed yours was dead . This does happen today , but it 's more seldom seeing as people just can 't disappear with our plethora of media connection . There are many stories about women during WWI and WWII remarrying while their husbands were away because they hadn 't heard anything . In reality , I think this woman would have come home to another woman and her kids in her house . A story element we see every once in a while is the story of a son getting big enough and strong enough to take care of his mother and defeat his foes . Hans in this story is that son . He becomes strong enough to take care of his mother . He becomes strong enough to defeat his captors . It 's a game of patience and dedication . You 're not going to pack on sixty pounds of muscle over night . Hans had to wait and watch . We 've got another magical ring . I think part of what makes rings so magical is that they seemingly have no beginning and no end . If you 've got something on your hand that has no beginning and no end , that 's pretty impressive I think . Hans seems to be a soldier of the truth . He wants to know who his father is . He wants the truth and he 's not afraid to get a little dirty for it . He demands the truth . When his roomies don 't tell him the truth he chastises them . He gets the truth of where the princess came from and why she 's in a cave underground . He sees that the princess is returned home to her family . Hans is like your stand - up guy . He 's probably handsome to top all of that off . If Hans were a Biblical character we would think of him as someone like David who slew Goliath . If we were comparing Hans to Book of Mormon characters we would think of him as Nephi who went and did because the Lord commanded . Think of your stories about men who were the most upstanding and the most valiant . Those are your Hans equivalents . The story of Samson does come to mind , although Samson 's story is quite sad , while Hans ends up ok . Samson was this champion of the Lord before he was led astray and gave away the secret of his strength . We can 't say that Hans doesn 't have his faults , because he does , we do see that he 's a bit impatient , but for the most part , Hans is the man . |
The other night I caught Michael playing with his reflection in the mirror . I had never seen him do that before . I didn 't have the camera ready , so I didn 't get to snap a shot in time . But I wanted to share some photos of him , so here are some shots of him taken down through the years . The resolution isn 't too good on them , so you are going to have to view them large if you want to get a good view . I hope you enjoy these . I hope everyone is enjoying their Memorial Day Weekend . Today is a beautiful day . It is a lot cooler outside , and the air isn 't hazy , so I was able to turn off the air conditioner and open all the windows . My lungs are doing a lot better now . I have made an appointment for next week to make sure I don 't have the problem of running to the ER all summer for asthma attacks . It is so nice with the windows open . If feel like I am not so disconnected from the outside world . I love the fresh air . I love to hear the outside noises . I love to hear the birds singing . Of course right now I don 't just hear birds . I also hear a chain saw . It kind of spoils the serenity , but nothing can spoil my mood right now . Light Weigh Last night I went to my weight loss group . It is a group within the Catholic Church and it is called Light Weigh . Since I started going ( three weeks ago ) I have lost 5 1 / 2 pounds ( notice how I claim the half pound - every half pound counts ! ) . More important than the weight loss is the spiritual growth that I have gotten . It has really strengthened my relationship with the Lord . If anyone would like to lose weight , and this program comes to your church , i would seriously suggest you consider it . And you don 't need to be Catholic to go to it . If I didn 't lose a pound I would still go to it for the spiritual benefits , but let 's face it , I need to lose some weight , and I am going to stick with it until I do . I know I can , because I have been losing weight for awhile ( for about a year now ) . I just need to lose some more . And I love what I am learning and I love the fellowship of this program . So I am glad I am going . If you would like more information about the program you can find it at www . lightweigh . com . Posted by When I was a kid we used to play this game called Sardines . We would play it in a totally darkened house . My parents didn 't like the game so we would wait until they went out and talk the babysitter into it . The person who was " it " went and hid while everybody else stayed in the bathroom and counted to something like 100 . " It " found a really good place to hide , like in the utility room behind some boxes , or in an obscure closet , or in the shower behind the shower curtain . The object of the game was to find the player who was it and slip quietly in with them , pressing yourself as tight as possibly against them ( hence the name Sardines ) , waiting for the next person to do the same . The loser ( and the next " it " ) was the last person to find the whole group . One of the fun things about the game , or shall I say the scary things about the game , was that it was all done in the dark . As you were walking around trying to find the person who had hidden , you began to notice that other people were starting to disappear . Periodically roll calls were taken , to see who was left . Terror came upon you when you took the roll and found out that nobody answered . Then you had to search the dark house alone , trying to stumble upon the group of Sardines . I guess there were a few reasons my parents didn 't like this game . Maybe stumbling around in the dark had something to do with it . Maybe they didn 't want us to break the furniture or ourselves . But like I said , we could always count on the good ol ' babysitter to play it with us . I remember the day when I was it . My parents pulled into the driveway and entered the house . " What are you doing , get out of there , " my mother said . I was standing up in the bay window with her beautiful glass objects , my body pressed against them . Another time when we were playing the game we heard an intruder . The babysitter pulled us all into a bedroom . " This is what we are going to do " she said as she gave us all our assignments , " when he comes in , Krissy , you are going to hit him with your Beautiful Krissy The Doll With The Growing Hair . Dearie , you are going to bite his leg . Valerie , you are going to whack him with this hairbrush . . . " There was six of us and we all had our assignments . This was no young babysitter either . I remember her being 16 or 17 at least . And she was going to have us " beat up " this intruder ! Slowly the door opened . There was total darkness ( because we had just been playing Sardines ) . My parents entered the bedroom and said , " What are you all doing ? " We were relieved to know that they were the intruders . I don 't remember for how long after that she remained our babysitter . . . Posted by Help ! I have been trapped inside of this apartment since Thursday night . That is when I got back from the Emergency Room . I had a terrible asthma attack . Not only did I have trouble breathing , but it felt like a fifty - pound weight was pressing on my chest . The doctor ordered the usual EKG to make sure I wasn 't having a heart attack ( which I knew I wasn 't , I always feel a tremendous weight on my chest when I get these attacks ) , and after the EKG I had a nebulizer treatment . After that I had to stay for awhile for stabilization and observation . When it was time to go I was still in a lot of pain . In the past the breathing treatment has usually taken away the pain . " I want you to stay home and rest till Monday night , " the doctor said . Yikes , I thought , this is Thursday night . " Take four puffs of your inaler instead of two , every four hours . And put moist heat on your chest at least four times a day for half an hour at a time . " Then he sent me on my way . Well I thought I would enjoy the time off . But boy has it been boring . I have had other symptoms , so I have laid in bed a lot , but one can only do that so much . My computer is even starting to bore me ! Well here it is Tuesday and I can officially go out now , but as luck would have it , I can 't go anwhere in the car . I am having car troubles . They can 't fit me in until tomorrow afternoon . I can 't walk anywhere because I think it is the hot , hazy humidity that gave me this attack in the first place . I am going to have to stay in air conditioned places all summer . No spending time outdoors for me . But at least after the car gets fixed I can look at different walls than these apartment walls ! I think Wal - Mart would look pretty good about right now . . . Posted by Yesterday my computer went on vacation . I used it a little bit too much yesterday , and when it came time to make an entry , the thing up and revolted . It acted all kinds of crazy . It froze up on me . It gave me error messages . It wouldn 't close down a few times . So when it came right down to it , it showed me who was boss , it was not going to allow me to do an entry ! So this entry is a day late and a dollar short . Well , at least I figured out how to do graphics . This is my first graphic . ( Thanks Lori ) . My best friend from childhood was Patti . We did lots of things together . But one of our favorite things was our club activities . We invented our own club . It had four members : me , Patti , my sister Arielle , and Patti 's sister Debbie . The name of the Club was The Camel Club . The motto and secret saying was : We Are Camel People , Camel People We Are ! Our mascot was , well , you guessed it , a camel . I had a plastic camel that we used . We must have thought we were Beduins or something . The club did have some useful purpose . We produced a little magazine . It had lots of articles and lots of fun stuff to do in it . Everybody was assigned something different to do in it . I think we all aspired to be writers back then ! Today Patti isn 't a writer , but she does work in a used bookstore . She absolutely loves her job . She lives on the beach along the east coast . She buys books to read . We stay in touch on occasion by email . Neither of us hold a fascination of camels anymore . Posted by In 1997 , Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch ( M - LAW ) began a contest to expose how frivolous lawsuits , and a concern about potential frivolous lawsuits , have led to a new phenomenon : the wacky warning label . Now manufacturers , not wanting a law suit , often slap common sense warnings on their product . . . " just in case . " Over the years , M - LAW www . mlaw . org has received hundreds of warning labels from people around the world . M - LAW Verifies the authenticity of each label and selects the ' TOP 5 ' for each year . Here are some of the previous winners : ~ And now for one more , one I think is one of the strangest labels : found on a bottle of drain cleaner : " If you do not understand , or cannot read , all directions cautions and warnings , do not use this product . " If the person can 't read , they are not going to be able to read the warning label ! Posted by Last night I dreamt I was writing an entry in my journal . Then when I was done writing the entry , I went outside , got in my covered wagon , and started to go across country . Only the front of the wagon locked me out , and I was trapped in the back , and the wagon was careening out of control . I felt my life was careening out of control . The wagon raced along every twist and turn and I couldn 't stop it . The night before I had had another dream ( seriously folks ! ) where I was writing in my journal . When I was finished , all my J - Land friends were angry with me for some reason . I feared they would never want to read my journal again . Gee , do you think I am taking this thing to seriously ? ! ! ! My little niece ( age 7 ) was in a race this weekend . She asked her parents to be in it because she wanted to run it . It was a mile long ! I think she was crazy ( I mean courageous , bless her heart ! ) . I remember being in elementary school and having to run the 300 yard thingy - I almost threw up . I was always with the kids in the back walking and the teacher would be screaming , " Come on , come on , run in , run in . " But I couldn 't . As I recall , this was third grade . And here Little Miss Runner 's Legs had decided to run a mile long race in first grade mind you . ( I am calling her " Miss Runner 's Legs " because her mom wants her to remain annonymous , and her mom says she has runner 's legs like her dad . ) When I heard this weekend that she had signed up to run , I didn 't think she would make it to the end . After all , what seven year old has any concept of a mile ? But she made it all the way . And she was beaming because she " won an award and a t - shirt " . Never mind that all the other kids that finished " won " also . She was very proud of herself . And she should be too ! Some of you have asked what Chelsea looks like . Here is a photo to put with the image . She of course is the young lady in the photo . The little boy is her youngest brother Sammy . She just adores him . Well , they adore one another . Well , didn 't I tell you Chelsea just sparkles and shines ? Posted by Chelsea is as smart as a whip . By the time she was six months old she was saying 40 words . By the time she was nine months old she had a vocabulary of 100 words . When she was a year old she could speak in sentences , say her ABCs and had a repertoire of songs she had memorized to sing from at any time . Her favorite one to sing was " I Love You Lord " . The doctor said she was so verbal because she never slept more than eight hours in any given 24 hour period , so she picked up a lot of language skills . One of Chelsea 's favorite games to play when she was a baby was " Scooby Doo " . We would say " Scooby Doo " to her and she would shimmy like Scooby Doo the dog , trying to take off running . Another game was " Bonkerhead " . When her Mommy said " Bonkerhead " to her , she would bang her head into her Mom 's head . Mostly though , Chelsea didn 't like playing with toys , she just wanted to sit with the grownups and talk . She still does this - sits with her friends or with grownups and talks . Chelsea also liked to spend a lot of time with her little brother Matthew . Her Mommy ( Valerie ) says she protected him a lot . Now that Chelsea is 18 and Matt is 16 , I think he protects her some now ! Chelsea was a really good girl growing up . Her Mommy recalls her being " attached to her hip " for quite a number of years ! And she never did anything without asking . Chelsea has been active in ice - skating , soccer , softball and karate . Chelsea is beautiful both inside and out . ( No , I am not prejudiced , REALLY I am not ! ) She has a beautiful smile . When she enters a room , she lights it up . She has dark blonde hair and blue eyes . She is active in her church . She has a good social conscience . She has been doing service projects and mission trips with her church every year . Her Mommy said I had to put something in here so that we would know that she was a real person ( because so far she sounds too perfect ) so here goes : Sorry there was no entry yesterday . My sister from another state came up for a visit . Now I can 't tell you her name , and I can 't tell you the state . Let 's just say that she is nervous about Journal Land , and worries about her safety . I don 't know why , because I don 't know how anybody would identify her . But at any rate , I will honor her wishes . So I will change her name to protect the innocent ( or guilty ? ) . I thought about it for awhile and decided we would call her Arielle . Because she keeps saying she is unique , and I think she is exotic , and I thought Arielle was a somewhat unique and exotic name , so Arielle it is . Henceforth in this journal she will be called Arielle . Arielle and I had so much fun this weekend ! We talked for hours . One thing in my family that we like to do is talk . We also went over to my parents house , and my parents , Arielle , my sister Valerie ( real name ) , and I went out to a Chinese restaurant . Another thing my family loves to do is eat ! Then we went back to my parents house , talked some more , and watched the horse race . My Dad asked us to place our bets . He picked two horses , and put down $ 500 on each . I forget who they were , but neither of them ended up winning . I picked Smarty Jones to come in first . I was a little concerned about my pick , because I didn 't know if he could keep up his winning streak , but he is definitely my favorite , so I picked him . I told my Dad I was putting $ 10 down ( I was never one to take big risks ! ) . Then they began putting the horses into their stalls . Arielle liked how rebellious and forceful the horse was who wouldn 't get into his stall , so she picked him to come in one of the top three places . She didn 't tell us how much she was betting . The race started . It was so exciting ! And Smarty Jones won ! Does that mean I won $ 10 I asked my dad ? " No , Krissy , " he said . " you win six dollars . " " Then I am going to take my money and get myself a Quarter Pounder . I don 't like those much , I would like to have something healthier , but what else can you get for six dollars ? " Arielle said , " I bet a million bucks , how much do I get ? " " You did not bet a million bucks , you can 't decide after the horse wins how much you bet ! " " Yes I can , this is just for fun , " she said . " Well then you have won two million , " my Dad replied . Arielle promised to take us to Hawaii and all kinds of things . After staying all day at my parents , Arielle and I went back to my apartment and had a good night 's sleep . We went to Mass in the morning and talked some more and promised to call each other soon . . . Posted by A week ago John threw out Willy . Willy ( as in Free Willy ) was a blue helium dolphin . Willy was a survivor . He lasted three weeks ! You are probably wondering what a grown man of forty - two was doing with a dolphin balloon . Well , my sister Val and I gave him to John as a survivorhip gift . You see , John is a survivor like Willy . John is a cancer survivor . Let me digress for a minute . One morning five years ago John called me up . " I have cancer , " he said . " No you do not , " I replied . " The nurse called me at 7 : 30 , woke me up , and told me I did , " he said . " You must have dreamt it , " I countered . " Nurses don 't call at 7 : 30 in the morning at your house and tell you you have cancer . Doctors call you , and tell you to come into their office , and tell you in person . You had better call back and make sure you didn 't dream it or something . " I got off the phone . Five minutes later he calls back . " The nurse put me through to the doctor . I have cancer . Non - Hodgkins Lymphoma . " I was stunned . I thought I was going to fall against the wall . I couldn 't breathe . I felt like the life was being drained out of me . How could this be ? One day you are normal and the next day this . Well not exactly normal . He had gone into surgery a few days before for something else and when he had come out the surgeon had said , " We found a lump , but don 't worry , I am sure it is probably nothing . But just to be safe , I am going to do a biopsy . " Because he said not to worry , we hadn 't and now this . How naive of us . Before hanging up , the doctor told John to make an appointment with the oncologist ASAP . The oncologist was very negative in a lot of ways . He told John basically that he wasn 't going to live , but that he should get treatments , and that would allow him to live a little bit longer . But that he didn 't think that he would live . The best that he could hope for was to live long enough for a cure to arrive before he died . Ouch was an understatement . John has had a total of four oncologists since his diagnosis . Only since his last oncologist has he gotten a really positive one . Good thing he carried on despite them ! John decided to pull himself together and fight with everything that was within himself to live . He did not care what any doctor told him no matter what - he was determined to live . He ignored negative after negative statement . One good thing was that he was given an experimental treatment . It worked fantastically well on him . But it also weakened him . He was in the hospital three or four times that year . He almost died as many . It is easy to get an infection during chemo , and if you do , you have to go to the hospital immediately . Once his temperature got up to 104 degrees . They were going to cut open his chest the next day to see what kind of lung infection he had to try and bring it under control . Miraculously it cleared up over night ! John was a real trooper during chemo . He took it with real positivity . I really believe his will to live is one of the things that got him through . And his great treatment . And the prayers of so many people . He was prayed over by my local priest , and prayed by people from every denomination out there . So there came the day when we were in the oncologist 's office for a checkup and the oncologist , looked at him and said , you don 't have cancer anymore . I about near feel against the wall . I couldn 't breathe . " What did you just say ? " I asked . I didn 't think I heard him correctly . " He doesn 't have cancer anymore . " About three weeks ago I was sitting on my couch watching TV when I heard a Knock Knock on my door . I got up and looked out the screendoor . Nobody . I opened the door real quickly , thinking that if teenagers were pulling a prank or something , they wouldn 't have time to sprint off if I caught them in time . Again , nothing . Mr . Michael , my beloved Maine Coon cat , darted out the door as I opened it . Drat ! Now I would have to go catch him . I fetched him and put him back in the house . Then I went back and resumed watching my show . Two weeks later John and I were sitting on the couch talking . Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock . I went over and checked the door . Nobody . I opened the door . No one . I went back and sat down . Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock . And with such insistence too ! John got up this time and looked outside . He opened the door to check to see who it was . Michael made a sprint for it . Darn that cat ! We both sat down . This time it was getting spooky . Well , I said , " I can 't be hallucinating , because you heard it too , and we can 't be having joint hallucinations ! " A few seconds later it came again . Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock . We looked over and just began to laugh so hard . Michael 's paw was on the door and he was knocking on the door ! Case solved ! He knew that when someone knocked on the door , we would open it , and that was his chance to run out . So he learned to knock on the door himself ! He is really too much . Now for those of you who are sick of me talking about my " baby " , and think it is akin to watching home movies or something , I have an excuse today . The AOL theme for this week is " a tribute to our pets " . So don 't complain to me . . . Posted by Today John and I were doing errands . As he was driving along , I noticed the retread of a tire alongside the road . About two feet from that , on the shoulder of the road , was a goose laying an egg ! A little farther along we came upon a large wooden sign . One of those homemade signs that say something like " Six ears of corn for a dollar " . Only you couldn 't tell what it said because it had been nailed on upside down ! The next thing that I saw that I thought was kind of curious was a road sign that said " Bridge May Be Icy " . Wow , interesting since it was 91 degrees outside . Everytime I see that sign I chuckle . I also saw several signs that read " DUI - you can 't afford it " . To me that is a bizarre campaign . Is money really going to stop somebody from drinking too much ? If something was going to stop them , I would think it would be not wanting to kill themself or somebody else , not worrying about saving a few bucks . I also saw a sign that said " Falling Rocks " . On the shoulder of the road were lots of rocks that had fallen . Gee , I thought , they are warning you that a rock might fall on you . Like , what are you supposed to do if you see it coming ? Sure enough , I saw one really HUGE rock that had made it down into the middle of the road at an earlier time . We straddled it and drove on . I am glad it hadn 't fallen when we had been driving by . I also saw three Deer Crossing Signs . I was hoping to see a deer , but it is probably good that I didn 't . If it had jumped out in front of the car it would have been a bad thing for us all . . . Posted by " Let 's go buy some flowers for my garden , " my Dad said to me one day a few years ago . Little did I know I was in for a little adventure . We headed off and after a short while I asked him , " Where are we going ? " " To the Kenegy 's " he said . I didn 't recall ever hearing of that garden shop . Shortly we pulled up to a dwelling . We were greeted by a slightly stout Amish woman . No , I am getting ahead of myself . We were greeted by a goat named Don . He was tied by a rope to a tree . My Dad proudly pointed to the goat and said , " That goat is named after me ! " The Amish family liked my Dad so much they named the goat after him . My Dad and I proceeded into the house . The Kenegy 's were so glad to see us . They would not have it that we would just buy the flowers and leave . Mrs . Kenegy insisted that I take a tour of her house and her yard and her greenhouse where she grew all her flowers and plants . She was very proud of everything . Well not proud . Amish people are not allowed to be proud . Let 's just say she seemed to be happy with what she had . And she had a nice household for a simple one . After the tour , we went into the house . We sat around and talked . Then Mr . Kenegy pulled out his Kenegy roots book . We spent some of the afternoon talking about his roots , nothing specific , just how to research them . He didn 't even know if the people in the Kenegy book were his relatives . Yikes , this was the boring part of the afternoon ! Meanwhile , Mrs . Kenegy got up and busied herself with something at the oven . Curious I got up to see what she was doing . She opened the oven and pulled out an Amish dress ! I gasped , " You dry your dress in the oven ? " And she said right back , " Yes , don 't you ? " in a playful way . Then I went and sat down at the kitchen table again . Mr . Kenegy put back the geneology book and got out a bowl of walnuts and a nutcracker . He began painstakingly cracking walnuts . " I have a black walnut tree . I shell these and sell them to make money . " Gee I thought , how much money can you make by growing your own walnuts and shelling them for hours ? Such an industrious man . Somehow one of them brought up homosexuality . Mr . Kenegy said , " God made Adam and Eve , not Adam and Steve . " I agree with him . I don 't know what my Dad thinks . If he does disagree , I doubt he would say anything out of respect for the Amish man . The afternoon wore on and they insisted that we be sent off with gingersnap cookies . They were such wonderful people . I have heard that Amish are standoffish , but the ones around here will invite you right into their homes sometimes , the Kenegy 's are not the only Amish family around here that has let my family in . . . I figured I would get in trouble if I wrote about the most memorable present I ever received . Somebody would feel left out . So I decided to write about the most memorable birthday present I 've ever given . . . Now , John asked for the most memorable , not the best . I gave this present to my Dad . I am sure it was not the best present he ever got , but perhaps the most memorable . If he doesn 't remember it , I would be surprised . I was about six years old . I didn 't have any money . I wanted to give my Dad something really special . Since I didn 't have the money to buy him anything , and the time for him to open gifts was fast approaching , I frantically searched the house for a gift . And then I found it . The perfect gift . A naked Barbie Doll . And I popped the head off . I proudly presented it to my older sister Therese and immediately she said , " Oh , that is a stupid idea . He wouldn 't want that . " " Oh yes he would , " I replied . " What is he going to do with a headless Barbie Doll ? " " This is not a headless Barbie Doll , this is the Boogy Man . " When we were kids there was something that lived down in the playroom named the Boogy Man . See , it was kind of dark down there , so something scary lived down there . And I imagined he must be headless . Both my sister and my Mother tried to convince me not to give the headless Barbie to my Dad but I would have none of it . Happy Mother 's Day to all you Moms out there . You are a in a league of your own . You are someone special , someone to be praised . You are doing one of the most difficult jobs in the world , yet one of the most rewarding . You are shaping the future of our world . I want to take a moment to say something about my Mom . I call her " Little Mommy " because she is about 5 ' 2 " . The one thing that her children say about her is that she is " gracious " . She is one of the most gracious women I have ever met in my life . All of us girls aspire to be like her . She is also gentle . She has raised five girls and one boy . ( All wonderful children , of course ! ) Happy Mother 's Day to you Mom and I love you ! I wanted to give everyone a chance to put a comment down . Tell everyone about the most memorable Mother 's Day you ever had . Or the most memorable Mother 's Day gift you ever got . Or the most memorable thing your child ever said to you on Mother 's Day . Whatever sparks your memory . Today I stopped and smelled the roses . Well , a rose anyway . John brought it home for me . It is a deep burgandy surrounded by lots of feathery greenery . He put it in a budvase and proudly presented it to me . He is such a sweetheart . I have been stopping to smell the roses all day long today . I watched the birds as they played outside my window and hopped around in my bush . Green finches and lots of sparrows . I even saw a hummingbird . John says there is one species native to the area . They fly to my bush because I put a bird feeder in there . Michael likes to sit in the window and watch the birds . It keeps him entertained for hours on end . He pretends he is stalking them . It doesn 't seem to affect the birds . I guess they know he can 't get out through the screen . I am glad Michael has something that keeps him busy and makes him happy . I smell the roses , or should I say the pansies , as I look at my beautiful pot of purple pansies outside my window in my little front yard . They are gorgeous . Something else I did refreshing today was go to Mass . Nothing better than Mass in the afternoon . Oh , there are so many other ways I smelled the roses today , so many other things I did . I did some good Bible reading and prayer . It was related to a weightloss group I am participating in . I promise to write about that soon . Mr . Michael The Maine Coon Cat , or Michael as he is known for short , is my cat of five years . I rescued him from a kitty mill . He was near death when I found him . The vet warned me against buying him , but I did anyway , and I nursed him back to health . He has been my constant companion ever since . Maine Coon cats are very social creatures . They follow you around wherever you go . They want to be part of the family . In some ways they are more like dogs then cats ( perish the thought ! ) . At any rate , they are not aloof like a lot of cats . They are extremely friendly . And they are the most intelligent of all the cats because they have the biggest brains ( and the largest bodies also - the males often grow to be 18 pounds and are still not overweight ! ) . It is said that they have the intelligence of a two to three year old child . That is my Michael ! Social and intelligent ! He follows me around everywhere . He wants to be with me . He doesn 't like when I leave and wants me to be back soon . ( Does sound like a dog , doesn 't he ? ! ) He likes to sleep with me . He gets jealous if my boyfriend comes over and sits on the couch and spends time with me . Michael knows a lot of English . He performs a lot of commands . Often John and I will have to spell so he doesn 't know what we are talking about ! He also loves to play . One of his favorite games is fetch . If you throw him and object that is small enough for him to fit in his mouth , he will retrieve it ! And he absolutely love tub hockey . He takes the object and jumps into the tub with it , and bats it around the tub , trying to score points it seems . He seems to always be jumping in that tub . Because he loves water ( as do all Maine Coons ) . He tries to drink any leaks that come out of the spiget or lick any water off the floor of the tub . And then he does something that is really disgusting , he drinks out of the toilet . I can 't figure it out , because he ALWAYS has a fresh bowl of water . John and I are always saying " Michael , have you been swimming in the toilet again ? " And he loves to dump his water bowl over , so he can drink the water as it flows onto the ground , because he loves flowing water , and because he loves to drink water off the floor . So I had to get one of those bowls that was made in a way that wouldn 't spill . It was really hard to find , it was heavy and in a funky shape . Enough already ! Posted by Sometimes I think . I think about life . I think about love . I think about serious things . I think about very serious things like life and death and heaven and hell and faith and such as that . I think about silly things . And funny things . I think about everyday and mundane things . This is a blog about my thoughts . I hope you will enjoy coming along for the ride . I am writing my mood down as Surprised . The reason I write surprised is because I have never created a website before . Of course aol makes it dog easy ! I am pretty computer illiterate . I have only been using the internet for three years . I went my whole life without using a computer . How I did that , I have no idea ! Well , I hope I enjoy writing this blog . And I hope you will enjoy reading it . Writing journals is something that I have been doing for quite awhile . I kept journals throughout my whole childhood , and throughout my twenties , and even throughout some of my thirties . I hope I have something interesting to say . . . I asked the readers of SIT what the most unique item was in their purse or wallet . The answers are listed below . Now we 'll find the most unique answer among everyone ! Please choose ONE answer , and don 't choose your OWN ! All can play ! Subscribe by Reader Hi , I 'm Krissy . I 'm just your average girl . I love blogging , Twitter , almost all Social Media , digital photography , fundraising to fight cancer , designing and making jewelry , watching Claymation Christmas specials - - just working hard and playing hard ! I also love my husband John , and maine coon cat Michael . But most of all I love Jesus . . . |
The other night I caught Michael playing with his reflection in the mirror . I had never seen him do that before . I didn 't have the camera ready , so I didn 't get to snap a shot in time . But I wanted to share some photos of him , so here are some shots of him taken down through the years . The resolution isn 't too good on them , so you are going to have to view them large if you want to get a good view . I hope you enjoy these . I hope everyone is enjoying their Memorial Day Weekend . Today is a beautiful day . It is a lot cooler outside , and the air isn 't hazy , so I was able to turn off the air conditioner and open all the windows . My lungs are doing a lot better now . I have made an appointment for next week to make sure I don 't have the problem of running to the ER all summer for asthma attacks . It is so nice with the windows open . If feel like I am not so disconnected from the outside world . I love the fresh air . I love to hear the outside noises . I love to hear the birds singing . Of course right now I don 't just hear birds . I also hear a chain saw . It kind of spoils the serenity , but nothing can spoil my mood right now . Light Weigh Last night I went to my weight loss group . It is a group within the Catholic Church and it is called Light Weigh . Since I started going ( three weeks ago ) I have lost 5 1 / 2 pounds ( notice how I claim the half pound - every half pound counts ! ) . More important than the weight loss is the spiritual growth that I have gotten . It has really strengthened my relationship with the Lord . If anyone would like to lose weight , and this program comes to your church , i would seriously suggest you consider it . And you don 't need to be Catholic to go to it . If I didn 't lose a pound I would still go to it for the spiritual benefits , but let 's face it , I need to lose some weight , and I am going to stick with it until I do . I know I can , because I have been losing weight for awhile ( for about a year now ) . I just need to lose some more . And I love what I am learning and I love the fellowship of this program . So I am glad I am going . If you would like more information about the program you can find it at www . lightweigh . com . Posted by When I was a kid we used to play this game called Sardines . We would play it in a totally darkened house . My parents didn 't like the game so we would wait until they went out and talk the babysitter into it . The person who was " it " went and hid while everybody else stayed in the bathroom and counted to something like 100 . " It " found a really good place to hide , like in the utility room behind some boxes , or in an obscure closet , or in the shower behind the shower curtain . The object of the game was to find the player who was it and slip quietly in with them , pressing yourself as tight as possibly against them ( hence the name Sardines ) , waiting for the next person to do the same . The loser ( and the next " it " ) was the last person to find the whole group . One of the fun things about the game , or shall I say the scary things about the game , was that it was all done in the dark . As you were walking around trying to find the person who had hidden , you began to notice that other people were starting to disappear . Periodically roll calls were taken , to see who was left . Terror came upon you when you took the roll and found out that nobody answered . Then you had to search the dark house alone , trying to stumble upon the group of Sardines . I guess there were a few reasons my parents didn 't like this game . Maybe stumbling around in the dark had something to do with it . Maybe they didn 't want us to break the furniture or ourselves . But like I said , we could always count on the good ol ' babysitter to play it with us . I remember the day when I was it . My parents pulled into the driveway and entered the house . " What are you doing , get out of there , " my mother said . I was standing up in the bay window with her beautiful glass objects , my body pressed against them . Another time when we were playing the game we heard an intruder . The babysitter pulled us all into a bedroom . " This is what we are going to do " she said as she gave us all our assignments , " when he comes in , Krissy , you are going to hit him with your Beautiful Krissy The Doll With The Growing Hair . Dearie , you are going to bite his leg . Valerie , you are going to whack him with this hairbrush . . . " There was six of us and we all had our assignments . This was no young babysitter either . I remember her being 16 or 17 at least . And she was going to have us " beat up " this intruder ! Slowly the door opened . There was total darkness ( because we had just been playing Sardines ) . My parents entered the bedroom and said , " What are you all doing ? " We were relieved to know that they were the intruders . I don 't remember for how long after that she remained our babysitter . . . Posted by Help ! I have been trapped inside of this apartment since Thursday night . That is when I got back from the Emergency Room . I had a terrible asthma attack . Not only did I have trouble breathing , but it felt like a fifty - pound weight was pressing on my chest . The doctor ordered the usual EKG to make sure I wasn 't having a heart attack ( which I knew I wasn 't , I always feel a tremendous weight on my chest when I get these attacks ) , and after the EKG I had a nebulizer treatment . After that I had to stay for awhile for stabilization and observation . When it was time to go I was still in a lot of pain . In the past the breathing treatment has usually taken away the pain . " I want you to stay home and rest till Monday night , " the doctor said . Yikes , I thought , this is Thursday night . " Take four puffs of your inaler instead of two , every four hours . And put moist heat on your chest at least four times a day for half an hour at a time . " Then he sent me on my way . Well I thought I would enjoy the time off . But boy has it been boring . I have had other symptoms , so I have laid in bed a lot , but one can only do that so much . My computer is even starting to bore me ! Well here it is Tuesday and I can officially go out now , but as luck would have it , I can 't go anwhere in the car . I am having car troubles . They can 't fit me in until tomorrow afternoon . I can 't walk anywhere because I think it is the hot , hazy humidity that gave me this attack in the first place . I am going to have to stay in air conditioned places all summer . No spending time outdoors for me . But at least after the car gets fixed I can look at different walls than these apartment walls ! I think Wal - Mart would look pretty good about right now . . . Posted by Yesterday my computer went on vacation . I used it a little bit too much yesterday , and when it came time to make an entry , the thing up and revolted . It acted all kinds of crazy . It froze up on me . It gave me error messages . It wouldn 't close down a few times . So when it came right down to it , it showed me who was boss , it was not going to allow me to do an entry ! So this entry is a day late and a dollar short . Well , at least I figured out how to do graphics . This is my first graphic . ( Thanks Lori ) . My best friend from childhood was Patti . We did lots of things together . But one of our favorite things was our club activities . We invented our own club . It had four members : me , Patti , my sister Arielle , and Patti 's sister Debbie . The name of the Club was The Camel Club . The motto and secret saying was : We Are Camel People , Camel People We Are ! Our mascot was , well , you guessed it , a camel . I had a plastic camel that we used . We must have thought we were Beduins or something . The club did have some useful purpose . We produced a little magazine . It had lots of articles and lots of fun stuff to do in it . Everybody was assigned something different to do in it . I think we all aspired to be writers back then ! Today Patti isn 't a writer , but she does work in a used bookstore . She absolutely loves her job . She lives on the beach along the east coast . She buys books to read . We stay in touch on occasion by email . Neither of us hold a fascination of camels anymore . Posted by In 1997 , Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch ( M - LAW ) began a contest to expose how frivolous lawsuits , and a concern about potential frivolous lawsuits , have led to a new phenomenon : the wacky warning label . Now manufacturers , not wanting a law suit , often slap common sense warnings on their product . . . " just in case . " Over the years , M - LAW www . mlaw . org has received hundreds of warning labels from people around the world . M - LAW Verifies the authenticity of each label and selects the ' TOP 5 ' for each year . Here are some of the previous winners : ~ And now for one more , one I think is one of the strangest labels : found on a bottle of drain cleaner : " If you do not understand , or cannot read , all directions cautions and warnings , do not use this product . " If the person can 't read , they are not going to be able to read the warning label ! Posted by Last night I dreamt I was writing an entry in my journal . Then when I was done writing the entry , I went outside , got in my covered wagon , and started to go across country . Only the front of the wagon locked me out , and I was trapped in the back , and the wagon was careening out of control . I felt my life was careening out of control . The wagon raced along every twist and turn and I couldn 't stop it . The night before I had had another dream ( seriously folks ! ) where I was writing in my journal . When I was finished , all my J - Land friends were angry with me for some reason . I feared they would never want to read my journal again . Gee , do you think I am taking this thing to seriously ? ! ! ! My little niece ( age 7 ) was in a race this weekend . She asked her parents to be in it because she wanted to run it . It was a mile long ! I think she was crazy ( I mean courageous , bless her heart ! ) . I remember being in elementary school and having to run the 300 yard thingy - I almost threw up . I was always with the kids in the back walking and the teacher would be screaming , " Come on , come on , run in , run in . " But I couldn 't . As I recall , this was third grade . And here Little Miss Runner 's Legs had decided to run a mile long race in first grade mind you . ( I am calling her " Miss Runner 's Legs " because her mom wants her to remain annonymous , and her mom says she has runner 's legs like her dad . ) When I heard this weekend that she had signed up to run , I didn 't think she would make it to the end . After all , what seven year old has any concept of a mile ? But she made it all the way . And she was beaming because she " won an award and a t - shirt " . Never mind that all the other kids that finished " won " also . She was very proud of herself . And she should be too ! Some of you have asked what Chelsea looks like . Here is a photo to put with the image . She of course is the young lady in the photo . The little boy is her youngest brother Sammy . She just adores him . Well , they adore one another . Well , didn 't I tell you Chelsea just sparkles and shines ? Posted by Chelsea is as smart as a whip . By the time she was six months old she was saying 40 words . By the time she was nine months old she had a vocabulary of 100 words . When she was a year old she could speak in sentences , say her ABCs and had a repertoire of songs she had memorized to sing from at any time . Her favorite one to sing was " I Love You Lord " . The doctor said she was so verbal because she never slept more than eight hours in any given 24 hour period , so she picked up a lot of language skills . One of Chelsea 's favorite games to play when she was a baby was " Scooby Doo " . We would say " Scooby Doo " to her and she would shimmy like Scooby Doo the dog , trying to take off running . Another game was " Bonkerhead " . When her Mommy said " Bonkerhead " to her , she would bang her head into her Mom 's head . Mostly though , Chelsea didn 't like playing with toys , she just wanted to sit with the grownups and talk . She still does this - sits with her friends or with grownups and talks . Chelsea also liked to spend a lot of time with her little brother Matthew . Her Mommy ( Valerie ) says she protected him a lot . Now that Chelsea is 18 and Matt is 16 , I think he protects her some now ! Chelsea was a really good girl growing up . Her Mommy recalls her being " attached to her hip " for quite a number of years ! And she never did anything without asking . Chelsea has been active in ice - skating , soccer , softball and karate . Chelsea is beautiful both inside and out . ( No , I am not prejudiced , REALLY I am not ! ) She has a beautiful smile . When she enters a room , she lights it up . She has dark blonde hair and blue eyes . She is active in her church . She has a good social conscience . She has been doing service projects and mission trips with her church every year . Her Mommy said I had to put something in here so that we would know that she was a real person ( because so far she sounds too perfect ) so here goes : Sorry there was no entry yesterday . My sister from another state came up for a visit . Now I can 't tell you her name , and I can 't tell you the state . Let 's just say that she is nervous about Journal Land , and worries about her safety . I don 't know why , because I don 't know how anybody would identify her . But at any rate , I will honor her wishes . So I will change her name to protect the innocent ( or guilty ? ) . I thought about it for awhile and decided we would call her Arielle . Because she keeps saying she is unique , and I think she is exotic , and I thought Arielle was a somewhat unique and exotic name , so Arielle it is . Henceforth in this journal she will be called Arielle . Arielle and I had so much fun this weekend ! We talked for hours . One thing in my family that we like to do is talk . We also went over to my parents house , and my parents , Arielle , my sister Valerie ( real name ) , and I went out to a Chinese restaurant . Another thing my family loves to do is eat ! Then we went back to my parents house , talked some more , and watched the horse race . My Dad asked us to place our bets . He picked two horses , and put down $ 500 on each . I forget who they were , but neither of them ended up winning . I picked Smarty Jones to come in first . I was a little concerned about my pick , because I didn 't know if he could keep up his winning streak , but he is definitely my favorite , so I picked him . I told my Dad I was putting $ 10 down ( I was never one to take big risks ! ) . Then they began putting the horses into their stalls . Arielle liked how rebellious and forceful the horse was who wouldn 't get into his stall , so she picked him to come in one of the top three places . She didn 't tell us how much she was betting . The race started . It was so exciting ! And Smarty Jones won ! Does that mean I won $ 10 I asked my dad ? " No , Krissy , " he said . " you win six dollars . " " Then I am going to take my money and get myself a Quarter Pounder . I don 't like those much , I would like to have something healthier , but what else can you get for six dollars ? " Arielle said , " I bet a million bucks , how much do I get ? " " You did not bet a million bucks , you can 't decide after the horse wins how much you bet ! " " Yes I can , this is just for fun , " she said . " Well then you have won two million , " my Dad replied . Arielle promised to take us to Hawaii and all kinds of things . After staying all day at my parents , Arielle and I went back to my apartment and had a good night 's sleep . We went to Mass in the morning and talked some more and promised to call each other soon . . . Posted by A week ago John threw out Willy . Willy ( as in Free Willy ) was a blue helium dolphin . Willy was a survivor . He lasted three weeks ! You are probably wondering what a grown man of forty - two was doing with a dolphin balloon . Well , my sister Val and I gave him to John as a survivorhip gift . You see , John is a survivor like Willy . John is a cancer survivor . Let me digress for a minute . One morning five years ago John called me up . " I have cancer , " he said . " No you do not , " I replied . " The nurse called me at 7 : 30 , woke me up , and told me I did , " he said . " You must have dreamt it , " I countered . " Nurses don 't call at 7 : 30 in the morning at your house and tell you you have cancer . Doctors call you , and tell you to come into their office , and tell you in person . You had better call back and make sure you didn 't dream it or something . " I got off the phone . Five minutes later he calls back . " The nurse put me through to the doctor . I have cancer . Non - Hodgkins Lymphoma . " I was stunned . I thought I was going to fall against the wall . I couldn 't breathe . I felt like the life was being drained out of me . How could this be ? One day you are normal and the next day this . Well not exactly normal . He had gone into surgery a few days before for something else and when he had come out the surgeon had said , " We found a lump , but don 't worry , I am sure it is probably nothing . But just to be safe , I am going to do a biopsy . " Because he said not to worry , we hadn 't and now this . How naive of us . Before hanging up , the doctor told John to make an appointment with the oncologist ASAP . The oncologist was very negative in a lot of ways . He told John basically that he wasn 't going to live , but that he should get treatments , and that would allow him to live a little bit longer . But that he didn 't think that he would live . The best that he could hope for was to live long enough for a cure to arrive before he died . Ouch was an understatement . John has had a total of four oncologists since his diagnosis . Only since his last oncologist has he gotten a really positive one . Good thing he carried on despite them ! John decided to pull himself together and fight with everything that was within himself to live . He did not care what any doctor told him no matter what - he was determined to live . He ignored negative after negative statement . One good thing was that he was given an experimental treatment . It worked fantastically well on him . But it also weakened him . He was in the hospital three or four times that year . He almost died as many . It is easy to get an infection during chemo , and if you do , you have to go to the hospital immediately . Once his temperature got up to 104 degrees . They were going to cut open his chest the next day to see what kind of lung infection he had to try and bring it under control . Miraculously it cleared up over night ! John was a real trooper during chemo . He took it with real positivity . I really believe his will to live is one of the things that got him through . And his great treatment . And the prayers of so many people . He was prayed over by my local priest , and prayed by people from every denomination out there . So there came the day when we were in the oncologist 's office for a checkup and the oncologist , looked at him and said , you don 't have cancer anymore . I about near feel against the wall . I couldn 't breathe . " What did you just say ? " I asked . I didn 't think I heard him correctly . " He doesn 't have cancer anymore . " About three weeks ago I was sitting on my couch watching TV when I heard a Knock Knock on my door . I got up and looked out the screendoor . Nobody . I opened the door real quickly , thinking that if teenagers were pulling a prank or something , they wouldn 't have time to sprint off if I caught them in time . Again , nothing . Mr . Michael , my beloved Maine Coon cat , darted out the door as I opened it . Drat ! Now I would have to go catch him . I fetched him and put him back in the house . Then I went back and resumed watching my show . Two weeks later John and I were sitting on the couch talking . Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock . I went over and checked the door . Nobody . I opened the door . No one . I went back and sat down . Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock . And with such insistence too ! John got up this time and looked outside . He opened the door to check to see who it was . Michael made a sprint for it . Darn that cat ! We both sat down . This time it was getting spooky . Well , I said , " I can 't be hallucinating , because you heard it too , and we can 't be having joint hallucinations ! " A few seconds later it came again . Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock . We looked over and just began to laugh so hard . Michael 's paw was on the door and he was knocking on the door ! Case solved ! He knew that when someone knocked on the door , we would open it , and that was his chance to run out . So he learned to knock on the door himself ! He is really too much . Now for those of you who are sick of me talking about my " baby " , and think it is akin to watching home movies or something , I have an excuse today . The AOL theme for this week is " a tribute to our pets " . So don 't complain to me . . . Posted by Today John and I were doing errands . As he was driving along , I noticed the retread of a tire alongside the road . About two feet from that , on the shoulder of the road , was a goose laying an egg ! A little farther along we came upon a large wooden sign . One of those homemade signs that say something like " Six ears of corn for a dollar " . Only you couldn 't tell what it said because it had been nailed on upside down ! The next thing that I saw that I thought was kind of curious was a road sign that said " Bridge May Be Icy " . Wow , interesting since it was 91 degrees outside . Everytime I see that sign I chuckle . I also saw several signs that read " DUI - you can 't afford it " . To me that is a bizarre campaign . Is money really going to stop somebody from drinking too much ? If something was going to stop them , I would think it would be not wanting to kill themself or somebody else , not worrying about saving a few bucks . I also saw a sign that said " Falling Rocks " . On the shoulder of the road were lots of rocks that had fallen . Gee , I thought , they are warning you that a rock might fall on you . Like , what are you supposed to do if you see it coming ? Sure enough , I saw one really HUGE rock that had made it down into the middle of the road at an earlier time . We straddled it and drove on . I am glad it hadn 't fallen when we had been driving by . I also saw three Deer Crossing Signs . I was hoping to see a deer , but it is probably good that I didn 't . If it had jumped out in front of the car it would have been a bad thing for us all . . . Posted by " Let 's go buy some flowers for my garden , " my Dad said to me one day a few years ago . Little did I know I was in for a little adventure . We headed off and after a short while I asked him , " Where are we going ? " " To the Kenegy 's " he said . I didn 't recall ever hearing of that garden shop . Shortly we pulled up to a dwelling . We were greeted by a slightly stout Amish woman . No , I am getting ahead of myself . We were greeted by a goat named Don . He was tied by a rope to a tree . My Dad proudly pointed to the goat and said , " That goat is named after me ! " The Amish family liked my Dad so much they named the goat after him . My Dad and I proceeded into the house . The Kenegy 's were so glad to see us . They would not have it that we would just buy the flowers and leave . Mrs . Kenegy insisted that I take a tour of her house and her yard and her greenhouse where she grew all her flowers and plants . She was very proud of everything . Well not proud . Amish people are not allowed to be proud . Let 's just say she seemed to be happy with what she had . And she had a nice household for a simple one . After the tour , we went into the house . We sat around and talked . Then Mr . Kenegy pulled out his Kenegy roots book . We spent some of the afternoon talking about his roots , nothing specific , just how to research them . He didn 't even know if the people in the Kenegy book were his relatives . Yikes , this was the boring part of the afternoon ! Meanwhile , Mrs . Kenegy got up and busied herself with something at the oven . Curious I got up to see what she was doing . She opened the oven and pulled out an Amish dress ! I gasped , " You dry your dress in the oven ? " And she said right back , " Yes , don 't you ? " in a playful way . Then I went and sat down at the kitchen table again . Mr . Kenegy put back the geneology book and got out a bowl of walnuts and a nutcracker . He began painstakingly cracking walnuts . " I have a black walnut tree . I shell these and sell them to make money . " Gee I thought , how much money can you make by growing your own walnuts and shelling them for hours ? Such an industrious man . Somehow one of them brought up homosexuality . Mr . Kenegy said , " God made Adam and Eve , not Adam and Steve . " I agree with him . I don 't know what my Dad thinks . If he does disagree , I doubt he would say anything out of respect for the Amish man . The afternoon wore on and they insisted that we be sent off with gingersnap cookies . They were such wonderful people . I have heard that Amish are standoffish , but the ones around here will invite you right into their homes sometimes , the Kenegy 's are not the only Amish family around here that has let my family in . . . I figured I would get in trouble if I wrote about the most memorable present I ever received . Somebody would feel left out . So I decided to write about the most memorable birthday present I 've ever given . . . Now , John asked for the most memorable , not the best . I gave this present to my Dad . I am sure it was not the best present he ever got , but perhaps the most memorable . If he doesn 't remember it , I would be surprised . I was about six years old . I didn 't have any money . I wanted to give my Dad something really special . Since I didn 't have the money to buy him anything , and the time for him to open gifts was fast approaching , I frantically searched the house for a gift . And then I found it . The perfect gift . A naked Barbie Doll . And I popped the head off . I proudly presented it to my older sister Therese and immediately she said , " Oh , that is a stupid idea . He wouldn 't want that . " " Oh yes he would , " I replied . " What is he going to do with a headless Barbie Doll ? " " This is not a headless Barbie Doll , this is the Boogy Man . " When we were kids there was something that lived down in the playroom named the Boogy Man . See , it was kind of dark down there , so something scary lived down there . And I imagined he must be headless . Both my sister and my Mother tried to convince me not to give the headless Barbie to my Dad but I would have none of it . Happy Mother 's Day to all you Moms out there . You are a in a league of your own . You are someone special , someone to be praised . You are doing one of the most difficult jobs in the world , yet one of the most rewarding . You are shaping the future of our world . I want to take a moment to say something about my Mom . I call her " Little Mommy " because she is about 5 ' 2 " . The one thing that her children say about her is that she is " gracious " . She is one of the most gracious women I have ever met in my life . All of us girls aspire to be like her . She is also gentle . She has raised five girls and one boy . ( All wonderful children , of course ! ) Happy Mother 's Day to you Mom and I love you ! I wanted to give everyone a chance to put a comment down . Tell everyone about the most memorable Mother 's Day you ever had . Or the most memorable Mother 's Day gift you ever got . Or the most memorable thing your child ever said to you on Mother 's Day . Whatever sparks your memory . Today I stopped and smelled the roses . Well , a rose anyway . John brought it home for me . It is a deep burgandy surrounded by lots of feathery greenery . He put it in a budvase and proudly presented it to me . He is such a sweetheart . I have been stopping to smell the roses all day long today . I watched the birds as they played outside my window and hopped around in my bush . Green finches and lots of sparrows . I even saw a hummingbird . John says there is one species native to the area . They fly to my bush because I put a bird feeder in there . Michael likes to sit in the window and watch the birds . It keeps him entertained for hours on end . He pretends he is stalking them . It doesn 't seem to affect the birds . I guess they know he can 't get out through the screen . I am glad Michael has something that keeps him busy and makes him happy . I smell the roses , or should I say the pansies , as I look at my beautiful pot of purple pansies outside my window in my little front yard . They are gorgeous . Something else I did refreshing today was go to Mass . Nothing better than Mass in the afternoon . Oh , there are so many other ways I smelled the roses today , so many other things I did . I did some good Bible reading and prayer . It was related to a weightloss group I am participating in . I promise to write about that soon . Mr . Michael The Maine Coon Cat , or Michael as he is known for short , is my cat of five years . I rescued him from a kitty mill . He was near death when I found him . The vet warned me against buying him , but I did anyway , and I nursed him back to health . He has been my constant companion ever since . Maine Coon cats are very social creatures . They follow you around wherever you go . They want to be part of the family . In some ways they are more like dogs then cats ( perish the thought ! ) . At any rate , they are not aloof like a lot of cats . They are extremely friendly . And they are the most intelligent of all the cats because they have the biggest brains ( and the largest bodies also - the males often grow to be 18 pounds and are still not overweight ! ) . It is said that they have the intelligence of a two to three year old child . That is my Michael ! Social and intelligent ! He follows me around everywhere . He wants to be with me . He doesn 't like when I leave and wants me to be back soon . ( Does sound like a dog , doesn 't he ? ! ) He likes to sleep with me . He gets jealous if my boyfriend comes over and sits on the couch and spends time with me . Michael knows a lot of English . He performs a lot of commands . Often John and I will have to spell so he doesn 't know what we are talking about ! He also loves to play . One of his favorite games is fetch . If you throw him and object that is small enough for him to fit in his mouth , he will retrieve it ! And he absolutely love tub hockey . He takes the object and jumps into the tub with it , and bats it around the tub , trying to score points it seems . He seems to always be jumping in that tub . Because he loves water ( as do all Maine Coons ) . He tries to drink any leaks that come out of the spiget or lick any water off the floor of the tub . And then he does something that is really disgusting , he drinks out of the toilet . I can 't figure it out , because he ALWAYS has a fresh bowl of water . John and I are always saying " Michael , have you been swimming in the toilet again ? " And he loves to dump his water bowl over , so he can drink the water as it flows onto the ground , because he loves flowing water , and because he loves to drink water off the floor . So I had to get one of those bowls that was made in a way that wouldn 't spill . It was really hard to find , it was heavy and in a funky shape . Enough already ! Posted by Sometimes I think . I think about life . I think about love . I think about serious things . I think about very serious things like life and death and heaven and hell and faith and such as that . I think about silly things . And funny things . I think about everyday and mundane things . This is a blog about my thoughts . I hope you will enjoy coming along for the ride . I am writing my mood down as Surprised . The reason I write surprised is because I have never created a website before . Of course aol makes it dog easy ! I am pretty computer illiterate . I have only been using the internet for three years . I went my whole life without using a computer . How I did that , I have no idea ! Well , I hope I enjoy writing this blog . And I hope you will enjoy reading it . Writing journals is something that I have been doing for quite awhile . I kept journals throughout my whole childhood , and throughout my twenties , and even throughout some of my thirties . I hope I have something interesting to say . . . I asked the readers of SIT what the most unique item was in their purse or wallet . The answers are listed below . Now we 'll find the most unique answer among everyone ! Please choose ONE answer , and don 't choose your OWN ! All can play ! Subscribe by Reader Hi , I 'm Krissy . I 'm just your average girl . I love blogging , Twitter , almost all Social Media , digital photography , fundraising to fight cancer , designing and making jewelry , watching Claymation Christmas specials - - just working hard and playing hard ! I also love my husband John , and maine coon cat Michael . But most of all I love Jesus . . . |
I stayed home from the office today . I finally started the period . I was about a week late , and it is brutal . I feel gross . After over 20 years of dealing with endometriosis , you would think that the doc , s could do something about the pain , the symptoms , every single month . I spent the day sleeping and reading blogs . I found some heart wrenching stories . Here , and here and here . The thing is the stories are not just your everyday blog . But stories of courage , and sadness and anger . They are good reads . I am watching TV and trying to decide if I have carpal tunnel on my right hand . My wrist has really been hurting a lot . I thought it was getting better , but today it is worse . I need to make a doctors appointment . My wrist my nose , and sinuses which have been bugging me for a month ! I am just worried that she is going to say about my blood pressure . january 30 , 2005 I thought I would get one last post in before the end of the month , just in case I don 't get around to posting tomorrow . I think I have said more this month than ever have before . I was thinking that I would like categorize my entries by subject based on the title , and then link them . But since I use Fr0ntpage I think it would be a lot of work . There must be some package out their that will do it more easily . My problem is that I don 't want to use some blog host . . I like having my own domain and web host , and not being the mercy of Bl0gger or some other service . If anyone has any ideas I would be very open to them . I also need to clean up all my old pages . There are a lot of broken links and stuff . But if I am going to do that I am going to redo the whole site again . january 27 , 2005 I had horrible dreams last night . I dreamt that I was going on a trip , I came home to get packed . It was the home my sis and I grew up in , my mom and grandma was there . I was going water skiing with an old boyfriend . I went into my bedroom , that I shared with my sister and she had given away all of my clothes , or almost all of them . All my underwear and bathing suits , nothing was left that fit me . I didn 't want to buy anything until I lost weight , and everyone was waiting for me to get on the road . I think one of the things that were so frustrating is my sister didn 't care , she was high or something , and kept acting like oh well , big deal . I tried to get my mom involved but she was not going to do anything except pray . When I went out side had put up a big sign in the front yard with hands praying on it . I immediately began to destroy the sign , breaking it apart . I woke up angry , and yelling . I think the dream is interpreted as resentment towards my sister for what she did . She died and left me to take care of her kids . She took away my wonderful carefree life , living in Tahoe , and brutally landed me into a nightmare of learning how to parent , legal battles with lying grandparents , and little support from my dysfunctional family . I suppose if she had died in an accident or from a terminal illness the deep seated resentment might not resurface , but I personally think she died because she was really stupid . I think she inadvertently killed herself . The coroners report said she had some heart valve thing happening , but that was after a long conversation with my mother who probably talked him out of the real cause of death . Suicide would hang over her children 's lives forever . Her blood alcohol was high , very high , but according to the coroner not lethal . What about all the medications in her system . Oh and by the way these were prescription medications , that her fucking neurologist prescribed by the boatloads even after I told him I thought she had an addictive personality . The summer before she died she was idiscuss ! Well it is official . Hubby 's plant is being relocated to Arizona . The plant here in So . California will close on 10 / 31 / 05 , with the reopen date of 12 / 31 / 05 in Arizona . This means we will probably move , but not until after Jake graduates in June of ' 06 . About a year and a half from now . There is a possibility of hubby looking for a another position , and us staying here . But we are not sure if he can find something of the same caliber . My career is finally solidifying . Tonight my reclassification to Director of the department is being reviewed , if approved it will go to C1ty C0uncil on Feb 7 and I will have the job and the title ! As many of you may not know , I have been working as the Interim for almost two years . Doing the work with out the title or pay . I am not going to stress yet . I really am not sure I want to move to " HOT " Arizona , it would be near Phoenix , not somewhere with seasons like Flagstaff . I could deal with that quite nicely . But there are miles to gl before we sleep , oops I mean move . Here is a picture of Freddie . One of my two hatchet fish . I personally think he is very cute ! His friend Jason is around , and they sometimes hang out together . Here is my Jacques . The one with the lips . Now look closely and you will see what I mean . He just needs some lipstick , oh and maybe a girls name . Ok enough with the fish already . I am concerned that I didn 't start my period . I know I can 't be pregnant ( I think ) . I am worried that I am peri - menopausal . How appropriate to skip your first period on the day which you are supposed to start which is also your 45th birthday . Gee , maybe God is trying to tell me that I am getting up there . Why is it that this family cannot go for a week without more problems and drama . So of course I have to unload . I have talked about my mom some . She and I have a difficult relationship . I had been doing grocery shopping for her on a semi regular basis , and when Candice got her car Candice started doing it for her . It worked out well . I didn 't have to interact with my mom to often , Candice did a good deed . So Candice has been taking car of this since early November . I have told her not to take a dime from my mom , as she is very strapped for money , and lives on practically nothing due to the fact her house is paid off . I also hate just handing mom cash , so this is a good way to deal with it . I pay for all her groceries . Candice brings me the receipt and , I write Candice a check . So today mom calls to wish me a happy birthday . It is my birthday . And I talk to her about how Candice is working another job a couple of days a week , doing some babysitting . So mom and I were trying to figure out if Nat could do her grocery shopping , since Candice is now working on Wednesday , mom 's normal shopping day . I mention something about paying for the groceries , and my mom says no I pay for my groceries . So after a bit of discussion it turns out my mom pays Candice for the groceries , and gives her gas money . Then Candice brings me the receipt and I pay her for the groceries again . About $ 430 . 00 worth . I will be sending my mom a reimbursement and get the money out of my damn daughter , if I don 't kill her first . My poor mom was so upset that this had happened . She couldn 't believe it . I was less shocked , but extremely upset that my daughter had not just stolen , but stolen from someone who has nothing . literally nothing . I told her she was scum , and she better pay me back . Happy birthday to me So there was a change of plans , we couldn 't get a reservation here . So we ended up here . It was yummy . Hubby eats there often in various cities while he travels , but I had never been . I had 2 martini 's lobster appetizer , rib eye steak , spinach with mushrooms , and this potato pancake ala hash brown to die for . We shared everything but the steak , hubby had a porterhouse . We also took a wonderful bottle of 1996 Stags Leap Cabernet that I got for my 40th birthday . We had this great idea to play barber shop when we got home ( I will leave that to you imagination ) , however I promptly passed out , while hubby put the leftovers in the fridge , and told the kids that they were mine and not to eat them . Oh , I almost forgot the New York Cheesecake . This morning we had pancakes . I found 8 new fish in my tank and some live plants . The fish are Splendid rainbow , and Australian rainbows . They are very nice , 2 females and 2 males of each species . The males are very colorful , and the females are boring . I like them , but they would not have been ones that I would have picked . I love my kids , and appreciate their getting me something that I love , but I really wanted to pick my own fish , and it turns out that over half the fish in the tank were selected by them . So I have some nice fish . I guess I need to try and relate this too them , because I will be getting another tank as soon as the bathroom is finished . There will be some perfect new counter space for a 20 or so gallon tank . january 22 , 2005 Hubby is taking me to dinner tonight here . I have been feeling so fat and frumpy lately that I went to N0rdstroms to see if I could find something " fun " to wear . I had a gift certificate left from Christmas , and it was longing to be spent . So I bought a pair of DNKY jeans size 10 long . I refuse to buy a size 12 again ! A cute top , it is cut like a blouse but is is that crinkly fabric , it is black and white and I think I will wear it with some black pants I have . I also bought another T - shirt type top that has a bunch of writing and rhinestones and sequins around the neck , which is scoop . It will look cute with jeans and Black high heels . I also bought a sweater that was on sale . V neck , with an argyle pattern on it . I hate to say it but it is the only item that is really me . All the others , including the jeans are my wanna be styling self . Hopefully hubby will appreciate the effort to not look frumpy and boring . My sister used to tell me how boring I was when it came to clothes . She had some flair , and would wear things I would never even consider wearing . She had a very different sense of style . I picked up my prescription sunglasses . OMG , it is so wonderful too see in the car , and look down and be able to see the numbers on my cell phone ! I can 't wait until we go skiing , I will actually be able to read a trial map . Hubby is going to make me a lemon cake . He is searching the web for a recipe , and I found this one and it sounds easy , so I suggested it . Cake mixes are fine . I have no problem with them , especially when the are fruffed up a bit . It has been extremely cold in the east and midwest . I know that below zero temperatures are everywhere , so I will apologize in advance for my whine . I really do not like southern California weather . I so miss the seasons , when I was in Tahoe I loved the winters , granted we rarely went below 0 during the day . But we did get lots of snow . Ok nuff said , I just hate it when I go out with a long sleeve T Shirt and am hot ! I read yesterday 's entry this morning , and saw all the typos ! It was because I was writing it lying down on the couch watching TV with minimal lighting in the family room , eating cheese popcorn and drinking grey goose and tonic . I will correct them . So the Nat came into my office yesterday on the way home from school to apologize and ask for forgiveness . We talked ; she has a therapy appointment today . I told her that she might need to up her medication for depression . She is going to discuss the situation . I told her she has to live by our rules , and she agreed . We will see how things go . OK I watched the American Idol debut . I really like this show even though it is still really hoockey ! I also know that a man will be put to death at midnight tonight . I guess California has reinstated the death penalty , but they enforce it so rarely that no one really realizes when it is used . I suppose I have an opinion , but I hope you don 't judge me on it . I used to believe in the death penalty , an eye for an eye , but I don 't feel that way any more . I feel that only God can take a life . It is not our role it is the lords . january 17 , 2005 Nat just walked in and announced she was going out to lunch with her friend . I told her she was on restriction and she needed to go on Friday . She said , no to bad . What can I do ? So I am hanging out at home , thanks to MLK . I registered Jake for the SAT and for the prep course by Kaplan . It is quite expensive , but he really needs the prep . I also made sure he would commit to the hard work . The classes are Saturday and Sunday afternoons , every weekend between 1 / 22 and 3 / 6 . He will then take his first SAT the following weekend . Just one more kid to get into college and I am done , sort of . After yesterday I was really tired , all that emotional energy being used , not just with Nat but with the Uncle too . The girls are both still in bed , its noon . I made them get up at 10 : 00 to pick up their rooms , as the cleaning lady is here and I hate it that she can 't even vacuum their room because it is covered in clothes and junk . I want to go somewhere , the mall , the bookstore , to get a coffee . But I also just want to lie down and pretend yesterday didn 't happen . I wish hubby was not out of town for so long . This week is going to be rough . I am sure that miss smarty - pants , Nat , will mouth off . She already did once . I asked if the two girls could help schlep Jake back and forth to the SAT prep course and she said , " I can 't drive . " Well that is because she can 't drive anywhere until Friday . Although I may just have to let her have the car Tuesday and Thursday to get to school , so I don 't have to come home from work to take her . The dogs are hanging out with me , one on each side . The cat wanted to jump up too , but there was no room . At least my furry friends are here for me . I almost forgot . On Friday I went to the doctor to get a new glasses prescription . Old age is indeed creeping up on me ! Anyhow I have new reading glasses , I hated the old ones I had . The frames were supposed to be trendy but they really looked geeky on me . So I also had new bifocals made , and for the first time ever prescription sunglasses ! I am so excited now I can actually read a trail map while I am skiing . They are special order so I wont have them for another week or so . january 16 , 2005 Today sucked , and it is only 4 : 00 in the afternoon . This morning , I made a lovely banana pecan pancake and fried ham for the birthday bitch . Yes , that 's right . My now 20 year old is officially a b * tch . After breakfast her sweet boyfriend came and asked to talk to us . He told us that he was leaving and probably wouldn 't be coming back , he also told us our dear daughter had pot brownies under her bed . Oh crap . So I promptly went and found them and put them down the garbage disposal . Pretty brownies with flecks of green in the frosting . Hmmmm . Hubby spoke to boyfriend , and tried to console him . He doesn 't agree with the way she takes care of herself after going through the transplant , and he can 't handle it . So he told us about the pot . He did it because he cares about her and doesn 't want her to hurt herself . The sweet boyfriend left . Hubby and I went to talk to Nat . Ok , so she is on restriction until Friday . No going out of the house , except for school . Hubby left for a business trip until Friday , and I cannot deal with her being out and not knowing where she is and what she is doing . Thus the restrictions . She wanted to leave , and said she was going to her great uncles ( my uncle ) . She lived with him for a year during her senior year of high school . She had gotten so rebellious , and would not take care of herself that she needed to leave . I called Uncle and told him about what happened and asked him to please do not let her come and stay there . It would just undermine me . He then proceeded to drag up the past 5 years . Oh god . Uncle did not agree with the way we would discipline the kids . He also believed everything they told him , even if it was a lie . Because of this our relationship has been very strained for about 2 years . Once I grounded Nat from a dance , and he called me on the phone and screamed at me , that she was going to the dance , that I was going to let her go to the dance . Then he would go into tirades about how we were disciplining the kids . He is a little off . He is gay and on antidepressants , and is an artist . So you all get the picture . He also believed Nat when she told him that hubby had choked her . Just not true . So any how he chooses this phone call to have a discussion about how I blamed him for different things , and wanted to know if he was still part of our family . It was not a pleasant conversation . He also told me that if I would ask him to walk me down the aisle now , he would run the other way . He gave me away at my wedding , since my father is gone . That really hurt a lot . He compared me to my mother , which also hurt a lot . I had distanced myself from him because I could not deal with some of the things he said to hubby about all of this , and I could not understand why he couldn 't just let us raise the children . I think he felt as if he needed to be part of the decision process when it came to discipline and things . I discussed this with both of her siblings , and they both think that everything is fair . Boyfriend did the right thing , even though finking out someone is not easy , and the punishment rendered was not excessive . She just can 't stay her anymore if this keeps up . I can 't deal with it . I can 't be worried about her diabetes and other health issues constantly . Especially if she is making stupid decisions . Calgon take me away … . . Tomorrow Nat turns 20 . It is hard to believe . She came to live with me just a week before her 11th birthday . Time really fly 's . I am going to make her favorite chicken paprikash , and cucumber salad tonight . I also baked a cake yesterday , and found polka dot candles ! Most of her friends are away at school , or working on a Saturday night . So , if she makes up with her boyfriend , it will be just us . Young love , it is not easy . It is not easy when you get older either . I have my hair appointment this afternoon . I had postponed it because of the jury duty fiasco . I am relieved that I was able to get something this soon , you know what happens when you miss your 5 week appointment ! I have some new fish . Nat and her boyfriend brought me about 10 days ago . 2 rather large ones , a kribensis of some type and a flag prochilodus , 5 Columbian tetra 's ( aka the medallian cartel ) , and a fiddler crab . I think it shocked the tank , I found Philippe ( the kribensis ) dead on Tuesday . I supposed I should not have named him that , as it quite possibly doomed him to certain death . On the other hand , Jacques ( flag prochilodus ) is doing fine . And the medallian cartel is also great . I did a water change after Philippe 's death , as the ammonia levels were quite high . The fiddler crab , coo pele , will probably have to go live with a friend of mine in her turtle tank . Crabs need to be able to crawl out and dry off , and he can 't in my tank . She has a nice turtle tank that will be comfy for him . Now I just have to find the little bugger . He shows his claw occasionally , but loves to hide . I need to post a picture of Jacques , he has lips . Yes , lips . He goes around in the tank mouthing everything , looking for algae I think . And when he does this it looks like a humans mouth instead of a fish . Not sure if I can capture the lip thing on film , but trust me he has lips . january 13 , 2005 The rain finally stopped . In case you have not been following California weather , it had been raining for almost 2 weeks . I really like the rain , but with what happened in a little seaside village of Los Conchita , it made me want the rain to stop . So they could find the missing people buried in the mud . It was very sad . A man lost his wife and 3 o his daughters when he went out to buy ice cream , the hillside slid , and then they were gone . I have to take hubby this afternoon to have a colonoscopy . This is not a procedure I would like to have done ! They have to sedate him , so I will need to drive him home . I am nervous for him , but more nervous of the possible results . january 8 , 2005 On Tuesday I drove into downtown Los Angeles in the pouring rain to Superior court to report for my civic duty . Yes folks , I had a jury summons . Not just any summons , but one that had been postponed twice , and thus meant I had to show . It was boring . I sat around , read , ate junk food , read some more , and of course watched the clock . We would be dismissed at 4 : 00 . If I don 't get selected , I am done ! 3 : 30 rolls around . I am sure I have lucked out . I start packing up my things , eat my last hostess chocolate covered donut . An announcement . A panel is needed in Civil court in the Building a few blocks away . I am not worried , there are lots of people in the room . People reading , snoring , eating , talking on cell phones , you know lots of people . I get called . yes , I have to report the next morning to the other Courthouse . This area of Los Angeles is full of courthouses , that need to be full of jurors . So I report , and the process starts . The first day so many jurors were dismissed for hardship , that they had to call more to have enough in the panel to select 12 from . I guess I should have said something about my hair appointment on Friday , that I couldn 't miss it because the gray would start to show , and I couldn 't possibly be able to render a verdict if I wasn 't feeling pretty ! But it didn 't feel quite right , most of the people who were dismissed had a financial hardship . Their employer did not pay for their service , well my employer pays for my service , but NOT MY HAIR APPOINTMENT ! And if I don 't give 24 hour notice , she gets pretty upset with me . You know how these women are , they don 't get paid for jury service either ! After Wednesday the lawyers still had not finished questioning the jury , so everyone had to come back the next day . The judge promised that a jury would be selected by noon Thursday . Cool , I thought I will be out of there and have an afternoon at the office , and be able to make my hair appointment on Friday . Thursday , a jury is selected by noon . What a relief . I however am juror number 9 . Like the Beatles song , number 9 , number 9 , number 9 , number 9 . Today is my last day of holiday vacation . We had today off for New Years . I also got a call to jury duty , but I didn 't need to report today . I hope I don 't have to report at all . The weather has been rainy and people in LA can 't drive in the rain , they act like we are in a winter storm ! I think I will go shopping . Yesterday was the ninth anniversary of my sisters death . I remember it so well . I had taken Hubby ( before he was hubby ) to the airport in Reno , I came home and that night my mom called me and told me she was dead . I didn 't believe her . I told her she was wrong . I told her she was drunk and had passed out . But mom told me to call her house , I did and the police answered and confirmed that she was gone . Thank god her children were not at home , the were with the bad grandparents . She had been there a while , several hours . She was found by a neighbor . january 1 , 2005 I had a fight with hubby last night . We had gone to a friends house nearby to see their new puppy . She had asked us to come over for some wine and appetizers . So we did . We had to be back at the house by 7 : 00 , because Jake 's friends were arriving and I had to put the lasagna in the oven for all the boys . So I drank 3 glasses , actually small glasses of wine , and ate some mushroom turnovers . We left at 7 : 00 , got home and I made Nacho 's for the boys while the lasagna cooked . Made a salad and garlic bread and poured a glass of Champagne , then went up to my hubby to hug him and give him a kiss . I put my arms around him , and he looked at me and said you 're drunk ! I was shocked . I told him " you deal with the boys " , and I went to bed . It was 8 : 30 . Ok so I know that he can 't deal with me when I drink to much . He says he can 't relate to me . But for god 's sake , it was New Years Eve . I guess , actually I don 't know what I guess . I was upset at Nat , she had a fight with her boyfriend . She was taking off , angry . I worry about her driving , and crying and all that other stuff . Her sister and friends had got a hotel room , which was smart . But Nat wanted to go with her , I was not ok with it at all . I would have felt better if her boyfriend was going with her . Well he didn 't want to , so they were fighting about it too . I told her relationships are about compromise . This all happened before we went for drinks . I asked her not to leave before we got back so we could talk . When we got back she was ready to leave for her boyfriends , I was upset that she would not tell me where she would be , and I try to make sure she had all her meds etc . She kept mouthing off at me , so I slapped her . Bad scene . Hubby says I need to let go . I need to let them be adults . I agree , but as long as she in under our roof , and I worry about them , I think there should be some guidelines . I feel bad about the whole thing . But I also feel like we are being used a bit . The girls are spoiled . It 's my fault . Now I am sitting here New years day wondering where they are and if they are safe . My own fault I guess . I feel like I need to hit the Champagne again . Hope every one had a nicer New Years Eve than I did . Read Full Post » |
I have 633 posts here but i 'm not sure if WordPress is counting drafts . Although I haven 't written much here in the last year or two I still think about doing it almost every single day . Then I get all busy or lazy and go to Facebook to look for some quick way to say what might have been a blog post . And it 's been great , I love the interactions I have there and it 's so easy to post a quick photo and and and . Not much writing gets done . Not here ( my word gym ) , not anywhere . A lot has happened in the last year . Our youngest , Spanky has finished high school and moved away to go to college . Fortunately she chose a school in Austin , a place we 've always wanted to move to when the kids are all grown up . So we found a place in Austin in October and have slowly been moving things over there , waiting for the spring market to put the house near Dallas up for sale . Actually it is a little more complicated than that , we have another college - aged daughter living at home who just finished her first two years at community college . She 's going to move to Austin as well and try to get into one of the universities near there . Right now I 've got to get the house ready for market . It seems like an impossible task . With each previous move we got a larger house and these new places were just a block from each other . This time we 're downsizing . And that is where the pain comes in . We 're not pack rats , but hell , it just seems like I never had to get rid of anything to fit a new thing in these places . It 's not a big deal with things like furniture , we 've been selling that stuff on Craigslist pretty easily . It 's going through boxes of drawings and notes my kids did when they were growing up . Letters from my parents and friends from far away , things my mom and dad made for me , things I made for my kids ( I used to sew a lot ) . I can 't keep everything , I don 't have the room , so I 've got to thin them out . Some of these things have been in a box for over ten years . I have long forgotten memories that go with these things , they flood my brain and emotions and I fear if I threw the item away the memory will go with it . And I miss my children being children . I wish I had a stronger version of myself to go through these things . I know once these things are gone I 'll have an overall feeling of lightness because all of these things are heavy . Editing is good . I just need to get through it . Share this : TwitterEmailFacebookRedditPrintLike this : Like Loading . . . Posted in family , home , life … the best way out is always through Long time ago we used to have a dwarf rabbit named Bugs , the first pet our family had that wasn 't a fish . When Bugs died , Spanky cried and asked me , " Will I ever get over this ? " She would get over this , I knew she would . She was only about eight years - old at the time , would she remember she 'd had a pet rabbit at all ? I didn 't tell her she might completely forget Bugs . Or forget this entire conversation when she learned about mortality . Mortality , I 'll tell you when you worry most about that . When a child is born , parents start a countdown . I 'd like to think most of us , at the very least , want to live to see our child reach adulthood . So on Spanky 's eighteenth birthday , I felt a great sense of accomplishment . She grew up with both parents , was never orphaned . I 'm pointing out Spanky because she is the youngest . I felt the same about the other two but I still had the finish line on the entire parenting thing to think about . What crept up on me the entire time I was raising my children was the flip - side of this countdown . They 're going to leave . Go to college . Get married . They have to . This is life . And this is where things are right now and it has my mind in a complete state of fuckery and it hurts and this was a long time coming and I know I 'm being selfish … This too , same stall . Walls do talk . Share this : TwitterEmailFacebookRedditPrintLike this : Like Loading . . . Posted in family , life , parenting , Thoughts Tagged Frost , iamsufferinglikeabitch , poems , Poetry Lost Over the weekend there was a hot air balloon festival in our city , a really huge deal with tens of thousands of people at a nature preserve . We went in two cars because some of us were leaving at different times . I had a special parking pass for an up close lot because Spanky was volunteering , so we didn 't park together . I couldn 't find a place to park and Spanky had to be there at a certain time , so I dropped her off at the gate and told her to call and let me know where she would be . It wasn 't until after I parked and she was long gone that I realized my phone wasn 't working . When I got to the festival entrance I talked to some other people and they told me their phones weren 't working either . I found the volunteer station and they told me what booth she was working , but they pointed me in the wrong direction when they told me how to get there . So I wandered and wandered around all by myself . And you know me , I get distracted by shiny sparkly things . So this is from the point of view of a lost person , lost in the dark with blinking things : Finally a text comes through . Blane is looking for me . But I can 't text him back . And I think to myself , where would I look for me ? Finally the phones all started working again and we all reunited over a fried Snickers bar . Share this : TwitterEmailFacebookRedditPrintLike this : Like Loading . . . Posted in family , life Tagged balloon , festival , mishaps , video Beignets ( recipe ) Can you believe we saw a Café du Monde in Japan ? True . About two days into that trip I told everyone ( over and over ) that everything works as it should in Japan . Or that everything is as it should be . Yeah . That 's what I said . No , I did not see Krispy Kreme or Dunkin ' Donuts there . So today , for Mother 's Day , I 'm missing my mom who is too many miles away . She often cooks beignets and uses several recipes . I 've blogged about it : : : here : : : with easy recipes for when you want to make them in a hurry . If you set out a day ahead of time , or maybe just a few hours early , you may want to try the following recipe which I find tastes identical to Café du Monde 's . New Orleans Doughnuts In large bowl , sprinkle yeast over water ; stir to dissolve . Add sugar , salt , eggs and milk . Blend with rotary beater . Add 4 cups of the flour ; beat smooth . add shortening ; beat in remaining flour . Cover and chill overnight . Roll out on floured board to 1 / 8 inch thickness . Cut into 2 1 / 2 inch squares . Deep fry at 360 degrees 2 to 3 minutes or until lightly browned on each side . Drain on paper towels . Sprinkle heavily with confectioners sugar . Makes about 5 dozen - Dough keeps well in refrigerator for several days . Cover bowl with Saran Wrap and punch down occasionally . They taste and rise better if you can make this dough a day ahead of time . Also , it is easier to take about 1 / 4 of the dough from the fridge and roll that out instead of working with all of it in one go . Seven cups of flour makes one gigantic hunk of dough . Frances was pimply faced , rotund , and wore Coke bottle glasses that made her eyes look the size of an infant 's . She spoke with a lisp and a slur that was probably caused by all the epilepsy medications she took . I don 't know if it was the obesity or the meds that caused her to sweat profusely , but she was always soaked and she smelled odd . Not typical BO , something different . Moldy . Or like the chemicals she was taking . I can 't think of anything she had going for her but us . She had no father to speak of , and her mother , Shirley was a waitress that could pass for a hooker . First time I saw Shirley , I asked my mom if she was a go - go dancer because of the sparkly blue eye shadow she wore from her fake lashes to her brows . The mini - skirt and white patent leather boots added to this look . All of those things had been out of style for many years and only skanks dressed that way back then . Mom insisted the woman was only a waitress , she just didn 't know how to wear makeup . My mom had been an Avon lady thus was an expert in these matters . That particular summer Mom and Shirley worked long night shifts together at a restaurant . During the day Mom was home , but she had to sleep . My dad would be gone a week at a time with his work , so there were many days we had to take care of ourselves . We were an active bunch , my brothers and I . Early in the mornings we headed out to the swimming pool at the park or chopped down nearby forests to build our clubhouse / fort . My older brother was thirteen , and the way we saw things , we didn 't need no babysitter . Frances slowed us down . Complaining about the situation brought no results . My mom felt sorry for Frances and her mom and somebody had to do something about this . So we took Frances everywhere with us that summer . It was the hottest one I can remember and we didn 't have air conditioner . At the peak of the heat wave I 'd stick my head in the deep freezer at night for some relief . Staying home in daylight hours was out of the question . The library was one of the few spots we could hit up for some free air . Frances did believe she was the babysitter and since she didn 't try to boss us around , we never told her any different . At the library , she checked out some braille books . I had never heard of that and didn 't realize she was legally blind . At night she 'd read her braille books to us ( in the dark ! ) and although we weren 't sure if she 'd made up these stories or not , we went with it . She also taught us how to read numbers in braille . We packed Frances ' things ( you would not believe how quickly most of the things she owned were at our place ) and went to drop her off . Her mom refused to take her back . I don 't know what the situation was , maybe she was mentally ill , but Frances came back home with us that day and didn 't return home until school started that fall . The worst thing about her was that she couldn 't experience emotions such as joy or laughter . We were pretty big on that and when Frances couldn 't get our jokes , she felt like a heavier burden . We weren 't saints , but we never teased , made fun of her , or did anything to make her cry . We just dragged her around with us and made sure she didn 't get lost . One thing she did experience was love . She was crazy about this guy named Jimmy at her school and that 's all she ever talked about . JimmyJimmyJimmyJimmyJimmy . I was pretty certain by the stories she told that he didn 't love her back . I wasn 't sure he actually existed , honestly , Frances did have some confusion about reality . Since we weren 't even sure this boy existed , we 'd encourage her to call him up on the phone . We helped her find the number and taught her how to use the phone . After that , she called his house obsessively . The mother would always answer and say he wasn 't home . So Frances was convinced the mother was the reason Jimmy never called her back when she 'd leave our number . It was difficult to see what sort of things we were learning from her that summer . I already knew people were mean and shitty towards the mentally handicapped . People are not courageous and willing to stand up for society 's weak , they are basically animals . Survival of the fittest rules . We weren 't crazy about hanging around with a sixteen year - old . Or an eight year - old . And Frances was both . None of our friends were fond of her . In fact , in only a matter of weeks , all our friends dumped us . I wish I could say that I told every kid off who rejected us or that I made some speech at the pool about how people just need to chill , that the mentally handicapped need friends too . Or that I didn 't need them , anyway . But I didn 't have that sort of courage . Frances , on the other hand , had loads of courage . We were afraid to make phone calls for simple things such as finding out store hours or if they had a certain item in stock . Not a problem for Frances . AND prank calls . We got Frances to do them , and she was pretty damn good with her flat affect and inability to laugh . Us , we couldn 't stop the giggling long enough to get the first sentence out . For threatening situations , like big kids ganging up on us , Frances was our bouncer . She wasn 't afraid of anyone , and like I said , she was a big girl . Also , due to her handicap , people believed she had gorilla strength . Her greatest act of courage came on a day my dad was set to return from his week long work trip . On those days , I 'd wait at home for him , obsessively checking out the windows to see if his car was in the driveway yet . But not Frances . She 'd hide out in one of the back rooms because she sensed how he felt about her always being at the house . On that day , my dad drove up but did not get out of the car . Mom had a doctors appointment so she wasn 't home . I ran out the door to greet my dad at the car and could see immediately that something was wrong with him . He was pale , sweaty , and weak . There was a bag of ice on his lap , propped against his belly . He told me he had a terrible stomach ache and had the ice there to make it feel better . I asked him to get into the house and lie down , but he said he couldn 't move for now . He was too weak . So I stayed out there talking to him for about a half hour . His eyes were closed most of the time , I think he was in a lot of pain . When he finally garnered the strength to get out the car , he stood up and then collapsed to the ground . I couldn 't get him to wake up , so I screamed for Frances to come help . when she stuck her head out the door to see what was the problem I told her it was an emergency to call for an ambulance . She goes off and I stay outside with my dad . A minute or so later , Frances sticks her head out the door again . " What 's the address ? " And that worked . Within minutes the ambulance was there to pick up my dad . As they put him on the stretcher , the sheets got soaked with blood . My dad had a bleeding ulcer . My mom arrived home just as the ambulance was leaving so she went to the ER and left me home alone again with Frances . I was terribly worried my dad would die and he almost did , he took 44 pints of blood during the surgery to repair his stomach . ( It is unheard of , even to this day for a patient get that much blood in one day and live ) . While Frances and I were waiting the long hours for information about Dad , she didn 't talk about Jimmy . She was just quiet and listened to my worries . Then she did something she seemed incapable of . She gave me a hug when she saw me crying . And I didn 't care that she was sweaty and smelly . Or that she was sixteen . Or eight . Years ago , on a Christmas day , I was snorkeling in a little country in Central America . The captain of the boat was a local , about 25 years old . He said he had never gone anywhere and had no desire to leave his tropical paradise except for one thing . Snow . I liked the way his face lit up and his eyes smiled when he said that word . My face probably mirrored his , being from the South , I haven 't seen it too often . Snow brings out the little kid in me . I scream and giggle and look out all the windows . I yank out the cameras , the video cam , and I 'm out there , even if it 's the middle of the night . I 've got to capture this stuff that makes the world look so different in just under an hour . So Thursday morning I go wake the kids early to see the biggest snowflakes I 've ever seen down south . They don 't get mad at me because they have never ever seen them this huge . Then they go back to sleep because they are sure they will see this again . I keep watching as if it is the very first and last time I have seen snow . It does this to me every time . They didn 't cancel the schools on the day it snowed . People tell me it 's because the superintendent is from Wisconsin and he 's a hardass about that . It bothers me because while Wisconsin might be able to handle icy roads with their salt and scraper trucks , we don 't have that stuff down here . People also don 't know how to drive in snow and ice and there are a lot of pickup trucks with rear wheel drives . They don 't stay on the road . After school we only had an hour of daylight to find something to do in the snow . Spank and I went to the park and one of her friends met us there . I wandered around taking photos while she built this miniature snow family . They are about eight inches tall . Cute ! I was quite surprised she made a family because earlier she said we should make a snowman firing squad aimed at another snowman with a bandana over his eyes . Later that evening , Blane ( the husb . ) who had been trying to get a flight back home from a work trip called to say he had finally made it to the airport here . While he was fighting icy roads and traffic to get home , I tried to get the kids to come out with me to make that firing squad in the driveway . I told them when their dad got out the car to check it out , we 'd spring from behind the van and pelt him with a thousand snowballs . But nobody wanted to go back out . I gave them a pass because they had been sick a couple of days earlier . Then I went outside and made a three snowman firing squad . Put the charcoal eyes and carrot noses on them and when I went to the front yard to get some branches , two of them fell over . So I was down to one snowman , which I just called an assassin . I grabbed the first hat I could find , a beret , and put that on him . When Spanky saw him she laughed . She was mostly looking at his beret . Me : Yup . And if that was me I 'd want y ' all to do the same . She went back inside and I hid in my spot with some snowballs . Right in front of the van . Blane drove up and parked when he saw the assassin snowman . I didn 't have the heart to ambush him for real , I just pelted his windshield enough to make him laugh . The next day school was cancelled and I kept begging the kids to come out so we could go sledding or make snow angels or have a snowball war or something . I don 't know when exactly it was that they grew up , I 'd hoped that would never happen , that they 'd always want to play out in the snow . I know when I realized it . The moment they turned me down . I never really did like to celebrate New Years Eve . It seems like the stupidest holiday . Like we 're kicking out the past and starting new again just because we 're starting another calendar year . Demarkations on a calendar , even the lines between the days don 't mean too much to me . Maybe I got like that by working so many graveyard shifts . Coming in one day , leaving the next . It was just a shift for me . Actually , the change in date during work gave us a little bit of extra paperwork to do . I think what it really is , this holiday , it scares me . Too many accidents . I 'm so glad it 's over and I got to see all three of my kids healthy and happy today . Whew . It 's not the toy one , it is a good sized machine that makes full sized cones of fluff . Of course I didn 't pay full price for it , I stalked that thing in the store until it went down to about $ 30 . Through the years it has been the big thing to pull out for the kids ' birthday parties . We have had just about every type of snowball machine you can imagine and if there is a hand crank or Snoopy character involved , you can bank on having your shoulder go out . No photo of that one , but we have an electric one somewhere and it is probably the one machine the kids have used the most . The hot dog roller is fun to drag out by the pool in the summertime . For Christmas I got Blane a popcorn machine . He 's been saying for about 5 years that he wants one and he was going to find just the right one , but he never got around to it . I found one on sale at Kohl 's for $ 30 , the same one they are selling at Target for $ 100 . I swear I didn 't really buy this for myself . I originally bought it for Blane Jr . but someone else gave him one , so I asked Blane Sr . if he wanted it . He jumped on it like a kid in a candy store . Or like me in the clearance aisle . I was never impressed with the Snuggie , however , and the jingle makes me cringe . I am impressed with their marketing . Who would have thought those things would be such a hot selling item ? The stores around here , they knew . Starting at halloween they had mountains of them for sale . Intuition or whatever you call that inner voice said , buy one of those stupid things because there will be none left a week before Christmas and you will want to send that to someone . I resisted buying one until I saw all of those stacks of Snuggies dwindle down to nothing . Then I wanted to get one for Blane . Now that 's bat shit crazy because we don 't want or need another blanket in the house . We have stacks of throws in a basket behind the sofa and there is no room for another . One thing in particular I haven 't wanted in this house is an electric blanket . It 's not about the fire hazard or that we don 't have room for it , it is about an aversion to them . I don 't even like seeing them in stores . I know that sounds crazy , but when my dad was dying in the hospital he kept asking everyone to bring him an electric blanket , that he was so cold . So while looking for that Snuggie thing , I got to go near the electric blanket section in the store and I had my usual gutted feeling . Then I thought , I have got to think about this differently . I grabbed one and bought it . I went out the next day and bought more " hugs " for Christmas . One for Blane , one for my son , one for his wife . They loved them . It was a great gift , and probably way better than a Snuggie . Wii came out with a new game , WiiFit Plus . My favorite game on there is the Chicken thing . It might have an official name , but that 's what we all call it because you get on the balance board and flap your arms like a chicken to fly . What 's even better is you work up a sweat without even realizing it . This game is so worth the twenty bucks . Even if you 're just watching . All was going well , really well . We made good time without speeding , only hit a little traffic at rush hour here . When we got home however , Blane 's mom fell before she even stepped foot in the house and broke her leg . She was supposed to fly back home on Monday night but I 'm thinking I might need to drive her home sooner so she can see her orthopedic surgeon . I 'm toast . We lived within walking distance of the Health Unit when I was a kid . This was an institutional white - ceramic - tile - everywhere - but - the - ceiling sort of place that always smelled of rubbing alcohol . This was the place for baby shots . Didn 't matter if you were a seven year - old kid , that 's what they called them . Baby shots . Maybe that term was supposed to lessen the fear of them . As an adult , it sounds innocuous , but a shot was a shot back then and I had a raging phobia of needles . Blane says his mom used to take him to one certain doctor with a child - sized metal airplane in the waiting room . He 'd start crying the minute he saw the thing , but he 'd tell them , " Okay , put me in there . " He 'd be smiling and crying at the same time while he sat in the airplane . ( I 'm laughing myself to tears at that visual ) Fast forward to present day . I 'm working the county H1N1 clinic giving assembly line shots with a few other nurses . We all play our parts differently . Some of us smile and try to be sweet to the kids with a basket of candy in one hand and a needle in the other . That 's how I do it , although I know kids are just as smart as we are . I 've been thinking about cutting the act and going with the " mean nurse " look . The happy face thing is a bit deceptive , and if I 'm gonna be in some kid 's nightmares , I 'd rather not be the smiling villain . It 's interesting being on the other side of this " baby shot " thing . Notably the different ways families handle the situation . Some parents haven 't told their kids what they are doing there . Those are the cheerful but skeptical ones . Like I said , kids aren 't stupid . We have our syringes concealed under a cloth and when the time is right , Ta - Da ! So it is wise to choose the most needle - phobic kid to go first because once the cat is out of the bag , kids start scrambling , bargaining , or putting up a pretty damn good fight . Most families do tell their kids what is about to happen . It 's fascinating , the children are consistent . Either the entire family is crying , or they are courageous and ready to get the thing over with . Teenaged boys provide the comic relief . They laugh at and taunt each other , " You want me to hold your hand ? " Oh , and giving a shot in a tattoo can be fun , like the wildcat I shot right between the eyes last night . If you live in Collin County , you can get your FREE H1N1 flu shot on Mondays , Tuesdays , and Wednesdays from 4PM to 8PM and Saturdays from 9AM to 5PM until December 23rd , while supplies last . This is at the free clinic which has been temporarily converted to a flu clinic and is open to everyone ( rich , poor , pretty , ugly … ) in the county , click here for the location . ( also , the more shots we give , the more grant money we receive to treat the poor , so come to us if you 're getting the shot … It will cost you nothing and I 'll hold your hand . ) Teenaged aunts stare and touch those tiny toes in pure wonder . Hypnotized or mesmerized or both . They compare the tiny hand to theirs . How could it have ever been that small ? Ever ? You know all that pink stuff they sell to raise money for breast cancer awareness and research ? I buy that stuff . I have pink everywhere . A pink jacket . Pink socks . The t - shirt . Pink kitchen scissors , two of them . I even have pink baking cups for cupcakes . They chose the mustache . This month is Movemeber and the bros are going to grow them to raise money for prostate and testicular cancer research and awareness . Friends , family , coworkers , etc . sponsor them to grow it for the entire month and pay up if the participant went through Movember without shaving . But my son Blane has joined , Yay ! I 've never seen him wear anything other than a fake mustache as a gag . I have no idea how bushy this thing could become , but I want to see it . I even bought him a present to encourage him . A fifteen inch long gummy snake . And a cat that craps jelly beans . He loves that sort of thing . Now here 's the trouble . His baby is due November 30th . He says he is shaving it off when the baby is born , so if it 's born early , he 's going to have to pull out that stick - on mustache or do something to convince his sponsors that he really made it . The clip from last night showed how a woman trapped in cold water without air for over two hours was brought back to life ( she is currently a radiologist in a hospital in Norway , so brain function must be pretty good ) . Her core body temp was 56 degree F when she was rescued , so that makes her the coldest person on record to survive . You can find that article : : : here : : : on CNN . Then it hit me . My niece , Candace was a cold water drowning ( December ' 06 ) . In fact , it was so cold , I wondered if that was why the policeman who came upon the accident just minutes after she crashed didn 't go in to save her . Candace was driving home on a mostly empty road . A policeman on patrol who knew her passed her going the opposite direction . He went a mile further and did a u - turn to go back in Candace 's direction . Routine patrol . When he got to a bridge , he noticed her car was upside - down and underwater . He had just seen her about 5 minutes previously . The back window was blown out and the officer could see part of a baby seat in the back . He assumed Candace got out of the car and took her baby with her . He did not go into the water to check and make sure . He called for backup and then called her grandparents to ask if she had walked home . All this time Candace was drowning right there in the car , she tried desperately to kick in the front windshield , her legs were found up on the dashboard and there was a spot where she had managed to crack the window with her feet . Let me back up to the part just before the cop got there . A farmer who lived near the bridge heard the accident and went to see what all the noise was . At this time , he saw the car upside - down , but on the side of the ditch . It had not gone in the water yet . He went back home to call the police and get his tractor to pull the car out . So by the time the backup came and the place was swarming with police , not a single person thought to check the car . They were stunned when they pulled the car out and found her seat - belted in it . That was about an hour after the accident and there were no efforts to resuscitate her . I 'm not angry about this anymore , she 's gone and isn 't coming back . I 've accepted this . Two chances for rescue were missed , farmers and cops are human , not superheroes . They have moments of stupidity just like the rest of us . ( I understand the cop suffered greatly over this matter ) I stood out on the patio in the dark , the cool breeze rushing past me and through the door , over to Blane , who was sitting on the sofa watching tv . I 'd gone out there because I could hear a helicopter . I know a care - flight when I hear one . Anyway , I get this thumping in my chest when I see those helicopters and a million thoughts race through my head . Usually deep dark fears relating to my own life , such as , are they transporting some teenaged driver from a car crash ? I 'm feeling this phantom ache for some parent out there who might be suffering the unimaginable . I don 't think he knows the mental dynamics of the situation . Why I laugh at that one consistently , while his other ten or so other canned jokes barely cause a change in my facial expression . Like the Kevin Bacon one . Every time he sees that actor he says , " Bacon and eggs . " Blane doesn 't even have to be around , if I see Kevin Bacon , I hear it in my head . I try not to show that it drives me nuts because I am certain he is testing my patience . In my heart , I know this is one of the things he admires most about me . He says both of his parents had absolutely no patience while he was growing up . So , if I ever did explode , it would kill off something magical for him . I would never want to do that to someone who can make me feel like I 'm in a Pink Floyd song . Ever . Last week Blane 's back went out while he was at the gym . He was in so much pain he couldn 't move and had to be taken to the hospital in an ambulance . I would have taken him , but he needed to be moved on a board . Sad , really , because the hospital is right across the street from the gym . No kidding , across the street . I haven 't gotten the bill yet , but I 'm guessing he could have gotten a better price on a ticket to France . His x - rays didn 't look too bad , but the ER doc insisted on admitting him for an overnight stay because he couldn 't move so well . I told the doc I 'm a nurse and can do anything they can do ( better , too , I promise you ) but I gave up the fight and agreed to let them keep him . They wanted to do another test on his back in the morning . Fine . They did his test while I was gone and the neurologist told Blane his diagnosis while he was so heavily drugged that he couldn 't remember that he even saw a doctor . I had to go read the chart to see what the hell was going on . That 's where I also read they were keeping him another night . What ? I was the one getting him up to the bathroom , getting him bathed , shaving his face … What ? Nurses would not answer his call bell while I was gone . I was really afraid he 'd fall as he is not used to taking strong drugs . I walk the halls and gaze into the open rooms . This is a non - specialty medical - surgical floor and all of the patients except for Blane are elderly . I know this workload , it 's rough , the patients need loads of help for everything and there are not enough nurses , ever , on those floors because it is a shit job . I wouldn 't dare complain about a thing to one of those nurses because it is not their fault . They are some of the hardest workers in any hospital , med - surg nurses . Couldn 't pay me enough to do it . So . Fitting for a back brace . I was thinking this was going to be something they were going to custom make right there , some gadget that involved plaster and carving , you know , fine craftsmanship . No , no , no . This thing turned out to be a pre - made velcro powered brace . Another overnight stay for this stupid thing ? Wow , no wonder insurance companies refuse to pay so many bills . The cancer patient in the video below is alive because she is getting her treatment through Medicare ( aka government healthcare ) . She admits she couldn 't do it without Medicare . My tax dollars . Yours . She is arguing against that same government healthcare for others , however , because she likes being able to choose her doctors ( no one wants to take that away from her ) . She doesn 't care that there are people out there with the same exact diagnosis as she , people who can 't even choose treatment at all because of inability to pay . Working class people who pay Medicare taxes to save her life . I volunteer in a free clinic once a week and have seen people just like her who have cancer but no money for treatment . The clinic mostly treats common things such as diabetes and high blood pressure , so we don 't carry cancer drugs . Since cancer is not an emergency , we can 't dump them at the hospital ER for treatment . I wish I could tell you more stories about that stuff , but I can 't . So now Blane has a " pre existing condition " to deal with if he ever wants to just quit work and start his own business . That means we probably wouldn 't be able to buy health insurance at any price to cover his back . I feel like we 've lost some freedom this week . I know we have . And yet , we are amongst the fortunate who have access to care . This is good fortune when it comes to healthcare in America . This is all due to people continuing to choose fear over courage . If they really cared about their children , they 'd do something about this Mickey Mouse system of ours and give us what they have . Some security in health care . I 'm paying for them to have it , why can 't I get that too ? It is birthday season . Blane Sr . last week and Blane Jr . this week . I made this strawberry wonder for my son after he asked me to surprise him with a special cake . The icing is the magical part . It is a meringue type icing , not something you can buy in a tub or box but something you have to actually crank up the stove to make . It is worth the entire seven minutes of your time . That is one of the popular names for it , Seven Minute Icing . But it takes a little longer than that to make . It is also known as Never Fail Icing , but I 've had it fail on me before . Those failures have much to do with the humidity . If it is rainy outside , it won 't sugar properly and will be sticky . You 'll need to make it in a double boiler . Don 't panic if you don 't have one , I ghetto mine with a bowl and a stock pot . Just make sure the boiling water in the lower pot does not touch the bowl . Like this in the above photo . This takes about seven minutes . Then you take it off the pot of boiling water and add the vanilla . Whip some more until the sides begin to sugar , about a couple more minutes and not over the stove . Another variation is the banana cake . Blane 's grandmother gave me this recipe years ago , so it is a family favorite . Bake a yellow cake instead of the white , and for the layers between , make a small box of Jello brand instant pudding ( small box and only use 1 1 / 3 cup of milk in the directions ) . Spread a layer of pudding then a layer of sliced banana between each layer . Frost with the Never Fail Icing and call yourself The Boss . I got it for several reasons . First , I think it is good for relieving stress . It feels good to spot a piece and just know where it belongs . Snap it in , and it fits perfectly . Each tiny piece a success . Second , I thought it would get people to congregate at the table and talk more instead of everyone going off into their own little space to watch tv or hang out on the world wide web . Something about faces glowing in front of a screen is extremely depressing to me , and yes , I know my own eyes spend too much time bathed in that light . It 's a good mind exercise , puzzle building . It trains the eye to be more perceptive and is helpful for spatial relationships . If the original is a painting , you can actually learn something about brush strokes . It 's also pretty cool for slipping on a song by Tool , " Schism " , where the refrain is , " I know the pieces FIT ! " and watch to see how long it takes for the others to notice the lyrics . Then sit back and listen for them to hum the song later because the song is completely lodged into their brains ! Me : Ah , Disney . AM620 . I 'll never forget the day y ' all got in the car and turned the station from pure FM to AM . I wanted to know who the hell told y ' all AM radio existed so I could pinch their head off . After a couple of days of puzzling , our eyes began to play tricks on us . While driving into a beautiful sunset yesterday , Spanky said , " Ugh , puzzle sky . " I knew exactly what she was talking about . Everything picturesque had this puzzle stamp superimposed on it . I want to take down every painting in this house because they all remind me of puzzles . Blane said it too , " Everything looks sectioned off . " He was the main one at the table . He couldn 't even walk by it without making a stop . " Just five minutes , " he 'd say . An hour later , he was still there fighting to get his corner done before I got mine finished out . It 's sort of funny how we got all territorial with our spots , unspoken , of course . Here is the finished work . The image we 've been staring at for almost a week . You ever get that feeling while building a puzzle that one of the pieces is missing only to come back to the thing later and find the piece you were looking for ? That kept happening to us the entire time because we knew early on one of them was missing . An edge piece with some writing on it . Who the hell cares ? We have 999 pieces of success and I like the way my family ganged up to solve something . Even if it was a stupid puzzle we never want to see again as long as we live . I don 't care about that one missing piece , either . But if it ever shows up , I 'm gonna frame it and hang it up on the wall and call it " Solved . " |
by Andrew JoyceMay 7 , 2017 You guys are sensational . You looked over my first chapter and made astute observations and suggestions . Some , I have already incorporated into the manuscript - others , I 'm giving serious consideration to . I had not intended to post any more of the novel , but then I woke up this morning , I thought , Why the hell not ? Getting input from as many people as possible before publication can only make my humble offering better . And don 't worry . At the rate I 'm writing , after the first five chapters , you 'll be let off the hook indefinitely . I 'm not working that hard . I 'm too busy out smelling the roses , so to speak . And if I smell many more roses , my liver is going to explode . By the way , the horrors you are about to encounter are real . Maybe the reason the book is going so slow is not my drinking . Maybe it 's my research . For every ten minutes of writing I do , I spend twenty minutes in research . I 'm not saying that is a good thing . Perhaps it 's my way of avoiding that dreaded blank page . An ancient road it was . The Roman Christians had used it in the fifth century to spread the Word and baptize an entire nation . Then it was the Danes , or Vikings as they were known , who had come to conquer the isle late in the eighth century , deepening the wheel ruts laid down by the monks . By the time the Normans arrived in the twelfth century , it was a well - worn track that led from Cork to the Western shore . Along its length , the Danes built their castles . In the sixteenth century , Henry the Eighth 's soldiers used the road in their subjugation of an unruly people . Three hundred years later , Devin Mahoney , in solitary desolation , followed the wheel - rutted lane to an uncertain future . With a pale dawn approaching , Devin made his way east into the face of the rising sun . It was an exceptionally clear day - not a cloud in the sky . He saw no children playing on the side of the road as in years past . Occasionally he would pass a work gang , but for the most part he had the road to himself . As he approached the town of Coom , he came across the body of a dead man right there on the side of the road . There was little doubt that he had died from starvation . The body was barely more than a skeleton . It was not the first dead person Devin had seen . Over that last fifteen months , he had seen many . Devin wore no hat to doff as he passed by , but he did nod in that direction as a sign of respect . He made it as far as the outskirts of Glenflesk before deciding to stop for the night . He went into the woods off to his right while the last rays of the setting sun reflected off the somber grey clouds in the west , turning them a soft pink around the edges . He found a small clearing after a few steps . This will do , he thought . The road followed the River Lee , so water was easily accessible . He had not stopped during the day to eat , for his strategy was to make what he carried in the sack last as long as possible . Besides , he was used to going without food . Nevertheless , he now eagerly anticipated a bowl of bland cornmeal or perhaps a little oatmeal . He put the sack down and collected what dead branches he could find in the vicinity . After clearing a space for his fire , he snapped the thin wood into foot - long lengths and laid them on a small pile of dead leaves . Next , he reached into the sack for the matches . While rummaging around , he also brought out the small kettle and the larger of the two bags of food , figuring it to be the cornmeal . Once the fire was going , Devin went to the river and drew a kettle half - full with water . On the way back to his camp , the thought suddenly struck him that Missus Meehan had made no mention of a spoon . How was he to eat his stirabout ? He need not have worried . Missus Meehan was a good woman , indeed she was . There was a large , wooden - handled spoon at the bottom of the sack . Devin 's eyes were fixated on the dancing flames of the fire . They were mesmerizing . His body was warm , wrapped in the fine overcoat ; his thoughts wandered . Little doubts silently crept into his contemplations . It was a long way to America . Did he really want to leave The Auld Sod ? But if he stayed , what hope would there be for him ? Half the country was slowly starving to death . His thinking was abruptly interrupted by a thrashing noise behind him . Quickly he turned his head , but he could see nothing . He was blinded - he had been looking into the fire . In fear , he cried out , " Who goes there ? " When his eyes had adjusted to the darkness , he saw a man standing a few feet away , wearing a smile , his hat in hand . Devin relaxed . " Come in , Tom McNevin . Come and sit by the fire . " McNevin squatted opposite his host and held his hands over the fire to warm them . The firelight reflected off his gaunt face , showing him to be about forty . His hair and beard were dark , but starting to turn a little grey . His eyes were laughing eyes - merry eyes . His clothes were little more than rags and he sported no overcoat - he wore no shoes . He looked across the fire at Devin and saw a young man with a sparse brown beard and stormy blue eyes . He was a good - looking lad and his welcoming smile made Tom McNevin feel right at home . Devin handed the stick holding the kettle to McNevin . " Here , take this . Keep it over the top of the flames . I 'll do the stirring and soon we 'll be eating like kings , we 'll be . " " Like many of our countrymen , it 's been a little while since a bit of food has passed these lips . A day or two days , ' tis all the same . Since the blight came upon us , one day seems like all the others . I don 't count time by days anymore or even hours . Time is the distance from one meal till the next . " They took turns eating and when the pot was empty , McNevin insisted that it would be he that took it to the river and cleaned it . While he was at his task , Devin searched out more firewood . It was a cold night and they would have to keep the fire going . Devin would be warm enough in his heavy coat , but McNevin would need the warmth of a fire so as not to shiver throughout the night . With things taken care of , the two men sat down next to the fire , one on each side , and looked into its flames . They were grateful to have eaten this evening . Their stomachs were full . Tomorrow would bring what tomorrow would bring . But for the moment , they were two contented Irishmen . " I 've been to Dublin . I 'm going back to Kinsale , but there 's little of any worth there for me , no more . These days there is very little for me - and people like me - anywhere in all of Blessed Ireland . " " When I left Dublin , I thought I 'd roam a ways to the west and see if there was any work for an able - bodied man . I 've been all the way over to Glenbeigh . There is no work - and very little food that I 've come across in my travels . " " I 'll tell you true , Tom McNevin , there is very little for us poor folks here in Ireland . The land of St . Patrick , fairies , and the little people . The land of ruins . Of standing stones that have stood since the beginning of time . The land where my ancestors vanquished the Danes and ruled all this land hereabouts . I tell you true , Tom McNevin . " Devin threw on a few sticks to build it up . " Tell me , Tom . What is it like in a big city like Dublin ? Are there hungry people there too ? " " If you are not ready for sleep , I 'll tell you what I 've seen from Kinsale to Cork to Dublin and back . Me thinks that somehow we Irish have angered the gods . What misery I 've seen . But I have also seen acts of boundless Christian kindness . Devin laughed . " The coat was given to me by a kind woman . Underneath , I am dressed much as you are . " He then told his story and ended it with , " I 'll be going to America now . When I return , I 'll live in as fine a manor house as you have ever seen and have a coach - and - four to draw me to and fro as befits a man of my standing . No longer will I be walking from town to town . " McNevin warmed his hands over the fire . " I 'm sorry about your family . Me , I never had much of a family . My mother died giving bringing me into the world and , for one reason or another , I never married . Perhaps it was for the best . I don 't know how I 'd survive having my whole family wiped out in a trace . " McNevin leaned back as the fire flared up . " I 'll get to telling you , to be sure . I am a seanchaí of renown . An Irish teller of tales am I . You make yourself comfortable and I 'll pay for my supper this night with a tale that you will remember and pass down to your grandchildren as they sit upon your knee in that fine manor house that you will one day be building . " " I had six acres that I planted every year for twenty years . The crop fed me with enough left over to sell at market and keep me steeped in whiskey for a few weeks after harvest . My rent was always paid . But then the blight struck . The leaves withered , the stems rotted , and my beautiful praties were covered with dark and black patches . It all happened very quickly . " Without a crop , my rent I could not pay . The owner 's middleman badgered me daily and told me I 'd be thrown out onto the road unless I came through . This after twenty years on the same plot of land . I had always paid my rent , but would the landlord give an understanding to the blight and what it has done to this country ? No , he would not . He wanted only his money and his tenant of twenty years be damned ! I told the middleman that you cannot get blood from a turnip . " As a result of the agent 's badgering , I took myself off and joined one of those work gangs that the government had set up . We went out at dawn each day to dig holes . There was no reason to dig those holes , but if we wanted to be paid , we 'd have to dig them damn holes . The next day we would go out and fill in those very same holes . Sometimes we would build stone walls that enclosed nothing or made an existing wall higher by two feet or more . All for no rhyme or reason , only to keep us busy . " At least we were fed twice a day . Once at ten and then again at four . But it was very poor gruel they gave us , it was . And you had to work the full ten hours to be given even that . " At the end of the week , I would turn my pay over to the middleman to keep a hold on my farm . But he always told me I still owed . Finally , I had had enough . I was working ten hours a day , six days a week for two miserly meals a day . And after all that work , I still went hungry on Sundays ! " The summer of last year I gave up my farm and left Kinsale . I thought I could find work in Cork , loading boats . It was on my first day out that I saw my first horror . I came across a woman walking my way , holding a bundle in her arms . Like me , she was dressed in rags , and like me , she was thin , her face drawn . I could tell by her looks that she had not eaten in many a day . But unlike me , she had a look about her that I cannot describe . " When we came abreast of one another , I stopped and asked , ' Are y ' alright ? ' She looked at me with a blank stare and says she , ' I do be alright , but my baby is hungry . Can you spare a morsel of food for the wee little one ? ' " I had a biscuit in me pocket that I was holding for dinner . How I could I say no to her plea even if I had wanted to ? I withdrew the biscuit and held it out to her . She says , ' You give it to him . ' She unwound the swaddling to reveal her child . It was horrible , it was . The infant was dead , and from the look of it , had been so for some time . I looked at the woman smiling down at the lifeless baby boy as though he was alive . She had lost her mind either from hunger or grief - or both . " " I did the only thing I could do . I pressed the biscuit into her hand , saying , ' You feed him and have some for yourself . ' She did not try to feed her baby and she did not raise the biscuit to her mouth . So , the only other thing I could say was , ' Mind yourself , mother . ' She thanked me and resumed her slow wanderings . I stood in the middle of the road watching until she was out of sight . " " Aye . Corpses lay thick upon the roadside these days . I 've seen a few myself . A month back , I stepped into a burying ground to avail myself of a little shade from the beech trees lining its walks . There was a funeral taking place and I decided to linger until the service was over . After the mourners had left , the burying men held the coffin over the dug grave . One of them pulled a string and a spring mechanism popped open the bottom and the body wrapped in old potato sacks fell six feet to its final resting place . I asked about it . ' We have run out of wood for making coffins - there are just too many dead , ' informed one of the men . ' Undertakers all over Ireland are doing the same , ' said another . " McNevin leaned toward the fire - his face a ghostly yellow from the reflecting flames - and said , " ' Tis a little better than the country , but not by much . There is no work to be had in either place . People from the country have crowded the streets looking for work and the police do not like it . But they arrest no one because then they 'd have to feed them . What they do is give beatings in an effort to drive them back to the country . I 've been on the receiving end of a few beatings myself . " " Then glad I am to be going to America , " sighed Devin . " What else have you seen ? I want to know so that I can tell the people of America the true story of what is happening here . They are a rich people , and a kind people . They would send relief if they only knew . " McNevin threw a few more sticks onto the fire . When they had caught , and the flames danced about in the slight wind that was coming down from the north , he said , " ' Tis to be a cold night this night . I am grateful for the warmth of your fire , and I will tell you of more things that I have seen . I cannot understand how we have fallen so low . " " From Dublin , I walked west to Galway . ' Tis on the coast that I saw what cruelty really is . There were two women collecting seaweed and putting it into baskets . Having nothing better to occupy my time , I approached them with an Irish greeting , ' Dia dhuit . ' " They were both older than I , grey - headed , and dressed in rags . One of ' em had a ratty old red shawl about her shoulders . The other one 's dress was in such tatters that it was cut off above the knees . Both their dresses were heavily patched and neither of the women wore shoes . " They continued with their work , picking up the seaweed below the high water mark , as we walked along the beach . ' There be plenty of what you 're after just a few feet away , above the high water line , ' says I . ' Why do you scavenge for the scraps when the bounty is within reach ? ' ' We dare not , ' said the one with the red shawl . ' ' Tis the landlord 's property above that line . ' " When they caught up to us , two of them pulled the baskets out of the women 's hands . There was a sergeant and two privates . The sergeant said , ' I arrest you for thievery . You three are to come along with us . And come peaceably if you know what is good for you . ' " I was shocked at the turn of events . Not so much that I was being arrested , but by the fact that it was against the law to collect seaweed . Since when ? " McNevin answered the shrug . " I 'll tell you since when . Since those damn English came here with Henry II hundreds of years ago . Those damn English think they own the whole damn island and all of us too ! But enough of that . Back to my story . " " Apparently it was . The constable 's rejoinder was short and to the point . ' One of the landlord 's drivers saw you and reported you . There is nothing that we can do here . You must face a judge in a court of law . But why were you collecting seaweed ? You do not look like you have a crop that needs fertilizing . ' " ' We was gathering it to eat , ' said the woman with the torn dress . At that point , I spoke up . ' I was not stealing seaweed . I was merely walking along with these two grand ladies , enjoying the smell of the ocean air and their good company . You do not see a basket in my hands . ' " I wished the women well and continued down the beach until I came to a path that led back to the road . I 'll tell you true . There have been times since then that I wished I had allowed myself to be arrested . At least I would have been fed twice a day while in jail . " " Sure . You are my seanchaí . As we walk , you 'll be telling me tales of things you 've seen in this last year and I 'll be sharing my food with y ' . " " Thank you , Tom . There 's enough wood to sustain the fire throughout the night , but I 'll have to depend on you to keep it going . According to my brothers , I 'm not very good at that sort of thing . " by Andrew JoyceMay 5 , 2017May 7 , 2017 This is the first chapter of my latest novel that I 've been avoiding working on like I would avoid the plague . I 've got five chapters in the bag and I figure I might as well get back to work after a month of getting drunk , passing out , and walking my dog . Anyway , it still needs a ton of editing , but if something big jumps out at you , please let me know in the comments section . Now if you 'll excuse me , I gotta get a beer and go to work . It started out as a dream . A dream of a place where no one ever went hungry and fine Irish whiskey flowed from the fountains - a land of good and plenty . But first the nightmare had to be endured . In the second year of An Gorta Mhór - The Great Famine - MacMurragh stepped into Devin Mahoney 's cabin , but stopped short just inside the door . There was not a stick of furniture present ; it had been sold off , one piece at a time , as the hunger grew . Devin had not eaten for five days , and then it was only a meager cupful of cornmeal . Before that he had gone three days without a morsel of food passing his lips . Devin Mahoney , the descendant of kings , lay on the dirt floor of his small , dark cabin . Near in distance , but leagues away in time , a lone horseman ascends a small hill . He is wearing his bronze breastplate , but no helmet . A sword dangles from his left hip . When on the crest of the hill , he dismounts and looks about him . To the east , the green , undulating hills roll on until they touch the azure sky in the far distance . To the west , the green carpet flows gently into an angry , grey sea . To the north and south - nothing but the green verdure of the land can be seen . It goes on forever . The man 's name is Màel Muad mac Brian . He is the master of all he surveys . He is Ard Ri , the High King of all of Ireland . There are many lesser kings , but there is only one High King . It is a tenuous hold that he has on the crown . But for the moment , he is ruler supreme . Year later , his son , Cían mac Máelmuaid , chief of the Cineal Aodha , married the daughter of Brian Bóruma mac Cennétig , the man who had killed Cían 's father and became High King . His daughter 's name was Sadb ingen Brian . She was a comely lass with emerald - green eyes , and whose golden hair shimmered in the sun - like pale yellow sunlight reflecting off a small , placid pond . Cian 's lands extended from Cork to the steep cliffs of Mizen Head in the south . He and Sadb had a son who they named Mathghamhain . His progeny would become the sovereigns of Southern Ireland and be known as Mahoneys . Devin Mahoney was nineteen years of age and the last of his family left alive . His mother was the first to go when the blight hit . She lasted only four months . She had always been a little on the frail side . But going days at a time without eating just wore her down . One day , she put on her finest dress and sat in her old rocker . She informed her family that she was tired and needed a rest . The next morning when the family awoke , she was still in her rocker . Dead . " You 'll not be dying . At least not this day . The master has sent word that he will pay your way to America if that 's what you be wanting . If it was up to me , I 'd let you die and then we 'd be rid of you for good . " The men had just adjourned from the dinner table , leaving the women free to get on with their gossiping . The men had important matters to discuss . There would be no talk of cricket scores or the latest method of cattle breeding that evening . After serving the gentlemen their port , the butler quietly departed . Left alone , the four men , sitting in large , high - backed chairs , clipped the ends off their cigars . When the fragrant aroma of the West Indian tobacco filled the room , and the sweet , rich Portuguese wine had been tasted and savored , Lord Denbigh cleared his throat and said , " Gentlemen , what are we to do about this damnable Irish problem ? " The Earl of Denbigh sighed . " All of us here have landholdings in Ireland . What are we to do about the tax ? That damn tax will ruin me ! If the blighters over there are starving , why doesn 't the government send them food ? Why tax us ? " Francis George Hugh Seymour , the 5th Marquee of Hertford , rose from his seat and picked up the decanter of wine from his friend 's desk . As he poured the dark purple liquid into his now empty glass , a wiry smile played across his lips . " If I remember correctly , Bill , you were the one always so sure that you 'd be sent down for failing an examination while we were at Oxford . " " That was a long time ago , Pinky . I do not think that I am overstating the severity of the situation when I say that the tax on our number of tenants will cost us plenty . How are we to pay it ? " " First of all . One cannot just feed people when they are hungry . They must work for what they receive or else they will become indolent , and the Irish are already a languid lot . The Prime Minister knows this , hence , the creation of the work gangs and workhouses . However , someone has to pay for those things , and Her Majesty 's Government has decided that it should be us . I agree with the concept , but not with who should pay for the program . " " I don 't care who pays for it as long as it 's not me ! I can 't afford the tax . It will ruin me , " Lord Denbigh practically shouted . " You just built a third story onto your house . At how many thousand pounds sterling ? " asked his friend , the Marquee . " You used to have thirty - four hearths throughout the house . How many do you have now ? You needed a third floor like you needed another head . And don 't look at me like that , Bill . My point is that we can afford just about anything . But that being said , why should we pay the tax ? " Lord Beaumont rose and reached for the decanter . After he had refreshed his glass , he said , " We will pay the tax because we have no alternative . If those damn Irish did not breed like rabbits , then perhaps this year we would make a profit from our farms . The rents I collect do not come anywhere near what I 'll be paying in taxes . " The Marquee filled Lord Beckham 's glass and leaned back on the desk . Eyeing his three peers , he said , " We would not be in this pickle if we had not subdivided our land to such an extent . When the law was made giving us one vote in the Irish Parliament for each tenant farmer on our land , we got greedy for votes , not to mention the additional income . When the famine came along , the additional tenants became a liability because of this new tax . Prime Minister Peel and the Colonial Secretary , Lord Stanley , have deemed it necessary to tax us landlords for the creation of workhouses and work gangs . " The Marquee of Hertford continued . " My only concern is to remove the tenants from my land , and I think I have found a way to do so without throwing the poor buggers off onto the road to starve to death . That might not look so good and it may have unpleasant repercussions . You can push a people only so far before they will rise up against you . Look what happened in America under King George . " " It is less expensive to send a family of six to America than it is to pay the tax on them for one year . I have spoken with a few ship owners and they have all agreed to take the tenants at a reduced rate if we use their ships exclusively . It 's not much different than shipping cattle , " said Francis George Hugh Seymour , the 5th Marquee of Hertford . " I think you 've got it , " said a smiling William Basil Percy Feilding , the 7th Earl of Denbigh . " Let 's finish our port and rejoin the ladies . And Pinky , I 'll be wanting the names of a few of those ship owners of whom you spoke . " Looking down at the recumbent Devin Mahoney , MacMurragh shrugged his shoulders . " You ask me why His Lordship would send you off to America . Well , I ask no questions . I do as I am told . Do you want to go to America or lie in your filth and die ? The ship leaves from Cork in two weeks . " Devin forced himself to sit up and leaned against the stone wall of the cabin . There were no windows ; the agent was a dark silhouette against the soft brightness coming in through the door . Addressing the gloomy specter , Devin said , " I could not walk out that door behind you . How am I to get to Cork ? And how am I to live for two more weeks with nothing to eat ? " " If you agree to go , I 'll send the cook down with a little food to get you back on your feet . When you leave , you are to be given enough to keep you alive until you board ship . Once on board , you 'll have nothing to worry about . And in America , employment is plentiful and everyone is rich . " Devin had said he would go to America only to get something to eat . He had to think on what his next move would be . The agent would probably allow him food until he was strong enough to make the trek to Cork . Then he would be given a sack of meal to prepare and eat along the way . But what if he did not board the ship ? Whatever he decided , he would no longer be living on the farm where he was born . He lay back down and thought of his father and two brothers . His sister , Hannah , was safe . She had married before the famine struck and moved to the North where the suffering was not as widespread - at least not yet . A few months after his mother died , Devin 's father and brothers checked themselves into a workhouse . It was a decision of last resort when it became apparent that they would all starve to death unless something was done . The three older men would subject themselves to the indignities of the workhouse - the wearing of a uniform , the bad food , and the twelve - hour work days . At least in the workhouse , they would be fed twice a day . The salary wasn 't much , but what there was would be turned over to Devin who was to stay on the farm to protect the tenancy . When the famine was over , the Mahoneys would check themselves out and return to the farm . That was the plan . What they had not planned on was being exposed to disease . Bathing was practically unheard of in the workhouses and most of the inmates were infested with lice . Two months after entering , all three of the Mahoney men came down with typhus . Three weeks later they were all dead . And now here lay Devin , close to death himself . Devin struggled to sit up but was having a hard time of it . The cook placed the bucket on the dirt floor and went over to help . Once Devin was leaning against the wall , the cook brought the bucket over . " Now you go easy , with ya . If you eat too much , you 'll make yourself sick , sure enough . " She reached into the big pocket in the front of her apron and pulled out four slices of bread and a spoon . " I wasn 't supposed to give you any bread , so let 's keep this between us . " She handed him the bread and spoon as he smiled up at her - his first smile in many , many a day . The cook smiled back , then left him to eat his porridge alone . Devin first ate a slice of bread . Before the famine , he had never thought of bread as having any flavor , but as he chewed , his taste buds awoke with the sensation of little , intense explosions . The coarse brown bread was the most wonderful thing he had ever eaten in his life . He chewed slowly and enjoyed the feeling of food filling his stomach once again . If MacMurragh had just a spark of humanity in him , he would have let Devin work around the manor house in exchange for food . However , the man hated the tenants and did everything he could to make their lives miserable . The cook was a good woman and used to give the Mahoneys a little food at the start of the famine . But one day , the agent caught her at it and threatened to terminate her if she did anything of that sort again . She , being a widow and having a small child to look after , had no choice but to cease with her philanthropic endeavors . During the week , there was cabbage and potatoes to be had , and maybe a little milk . Sometimes the potatoes were fried , sometimes boiled together with the cabbage , and sometimes roasted in the fire . For most Sunday dinners , there would be meat on the table , usually pork . And at Christmas - time , there was always a pudding . As a child , he and his siblings awaited Christmas with wild anticipation . There were never any presents ; the family was too poor for things like that . But they always had a pudding . It was the high point of the year . Devin slept through the night . And as he slept , his body absorbed the nutrients from what he had eaten . In the morning , he was strong enough to stand and go outside . But first he ate his fill of cold porridge , which had congealed in the bucket overnight . For dessert , he had a slice of bread . " You said the boat doesn 't leave for two weeks . I 'll need a day or so to get my strength back . I can make it to Cork in five days . So don 't worry , Your Lordship . You just keep up your part of the bargain and I 'll be on my way as soon as I am able . There 's no longer anything to keep me here . " " When you 're ready to go , see the cook and she 'll give you enough food to get you to Cork . The name of the ship is The Archimedes . Tell the captain your name and that you are a tenant of Lord Feilding ; he 'll have a place for you . I 'll expect you to be gone by tomorrow - before I get back from town . I 'll be wanting to burn that hut of yours and be rid of the stench . " He looked around the empty room and thought of times past . Over there stood the table where so many family dinners had taken place . During the happy times , before the famine , dinner had been the best part of the day . It was a time to come together as a family and discuss things of great import . Such as Hannah 's insisting she needed a new dress . " How do you expect me to attract the boys if I have to wear that raggedy grey thing ? " Over there , against the south wall , is where he and his siblings slept . During the winter , they would drag their beds near the fire , and the three brothers would take turns keeping the fire lit throughout the night . He could still hear his oldest brother , John , yelling at him in the darkness . " Devin , you 've let the fire go out . It 's your turn . Get your arse out of bed and do your duty ! " His parents slept in the adjoining room - the only other room in the cabin . As a young boy , he had once asked his father why he and his mother did not sleep by the fire in winter . Remembering his father 's answer caused another smile to play across his lips . " Your mother is all I need to keep me warm at night . " It was at that moment Devin made up his mind . He would go to America and become a very rich man . He would return , buy the land from Lord Feilding , and find himself a good , strong Irish lass to bear him many children . He would live out his days as lord of the manor , surrounded by his children and grandchildren . Never again would a Mahoney be driven off the land ! In the morning , he knocked upon the kitchen door . Shortly , the door opened and the cook handed him a canvas sack . " Here . This will keep your body and soul together until you 're on the boat . There 's five pounds of meal and two of oatmeal . I 've also given you a small kettle and some matches . " Devin thanked her and turned to leave , but was stopped in his tracks with the words , " Wait a minute . I 'll be right back . " It was a cold November morning , and she had noticed that he was shivering in his tattered rags . She was soon back , holding a gentleman 's overcoat . " Do not worry . The master will never miss it . He has three more just like it . The only danger is if Mister MacMurragh sees you wearing it . " Devin leaned in and kissed her on the cheek . " You 're a good woman , Aife Meehan . When I return from America , I 'll build you the grandest house County Kerry has ever seen , and you 'll never have to work another day . " Devin put on the coat and hefted the sack over his shoulder . It was forty - two Irish miles from Killarney to Cork . Fifty - three miles if you 're figuring as the Americans did . The sun was trying to assert itself over the eastern horizon . It was a new day in more ways than one . As he stepped through the gate and out onto the road that would lead him to Cork , and ultimately to America , he thought of something his parish priest had once said in a sermon . Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this : |
by Andrew JoyceMay 7 , 2017 You guys are sensational . You looked over my first chapter and made astute observations and suggestions . Some , I have already incorporated into the manuscript - others , I 'm giving serious consideration to . I had not intended to post any more of the novel , but then I woke up this morning , I thought , Why the hell not ? Getting input from as many people as possible before publication can only make my humble offering better . And don 't worry . At the rate I 'm writing , after the first five chapters , you 'll be let off the hook indefinitely . I 'm not working that hard . I 'm too busy out smelling the roses , so to speak . And if I smell many more roses , my liver is going to explode . By the way , the horrors you are about to encounter are real . Maybe the reason the book is going so slow is not my drinking . Maybe it 's my research . For every ten minutes of writing I do , I spend twenty minutes in research . I 'm not saying that is a good thing . Perhaps it 's my way of avoiding that dreaded blank page . An ancient road it was . The Roman Christians had used it in the fifth century to spread the Word and baptize an entire nation . Then it was the Danes , or Vikings as they were known , who had come to conquer the isle late in the eighth century , deepening the wheel ruts laid down by the monks . By the time the Normans arrived in the twelfth century , it was a well - worn track that led from Cork to the Western shore . Along its length , the Danes built their castles . In the sixteenth century , Henry the Eighth 's soldiers used the road in their subjugation of an unruly people . Three hundred years later , Devin Mahoney , in solitary desolation , followed the wheel - rutted lane to an uncertain future . With a pale dawn approaching , Devin made his way east into the face of the rising sun . It was an exceptionally clear day - not a cloud in the sky . He saw no children playing on the side of the road as in years past . Occasionally he would pass a work gang , but for the most part he had the road to himself . As he approached the town of Coom , he came across the body of a dead man right there on the side of the road . There was little doubt that he had died from starvation . The body was barely more than a skeleton . It was not the first dead person Devin had seen . Over that last fifteen months , he had seen many . Devin wore no hat to doff as he passed by , but he did nod in that direction as a sign of respect . He made it as far as the outskirts of Glenflesk before deciding to stop for the night . He went into the woods off to his right while the last rays of the setting sun reflected off the somber grey clouds in the west , turning them a soft pink around the edges . He found a small clearing after a few steps . This will do , he thought . The road followed the River Lee , so water was easily accessible . He had not stopped during the day to eat , for his strategy was to make what he carried in the sack last as long as possible . Besides , he was used to going without food . Nevertheless , he now eagerly anticipated a bowl of bland cornmeal or perhaps a little oatmeal . He put the sack down and collected what dead branches he could find in the vicinity . After clearing a space for his fire , he snapped the thin wood into foot - long lengths and laid them on a small pile of dead leaves . Next , he reached into the sack for the matches . While rummaging around , he also brought out the small kettle and the larger of the two bags of food , figuring it to be the cornmeal . Once the fire was going , Devin went to the river and drew a kettle half - full with water . On the way back to his camp , the thought suddenly struck him that Missus Meehan had made no mention of a spoon . How was he to eat his stirabout ? He need not have worried . Missus Meehan was a good woman , indeed she was . There was a large , wooden - handled spoon at the bottom of the sack . Devin 's eyes were fixated on the dancing flames of the fire . They were mesmerizing . His body was warm , wrapped in the fine overcoat ; his thoughts wandered . Little doubts silently crept into his contemplations . It was a long way to America . Did he really want to leave The Auld Sod ? But if he stayed , what hope would there be for him ? Half the country was slowly starving to death . His thinking was abruptly interrupted by a thrashing noise behind him . Quickly he turned his head , but he could see nothing . He was blinded - he had been looking into the fire . In fear , he cried out , " Who goes there ? " When his eyes had adjusted to the darkness , he saw a man standing a few feet away , wearing a smile , his hat in hand . Devin relaxed . " Come in , Tom McNevin . Come and sit by the fire . " McNevin squatted opposite his host and held his hands over the fire to warm them . The firelight reflected off his gaunt face , showing him to be about forty . His hair and beard were dark , but starting to turn a little grey . His eyes were laughing eyes - merry eyes . His clothes were little more than rags and he sported no overcoat - he wore no shoes . He looked across the fire at Devin and saw a young man with a sparse brown beard and stormy blue eyes . He was a good - looking lad and his welcoming smile made Tom McNevin feel right at home . Devin handed the stick holding the kettle to McNevin . " Here , take this . Keep it over the top of the flames . I 'll do the stirring and soon we 'll be eating like kings , we 'll be . " " Like many of our countrymen , it 's been a little while since a bit of food has passed these lips . A day or two days , ' tis all the same . Since the blight came upon us , one day seems like all the others . I don 't count time by days anymore or even hours . Time is the distance from one meal till the next . " They took turns eating and when the pot was empty , McNevin insisted that it would be he that took it to the river and cleaned it . While he was at his task , Devin searched out more firewood . It was a cold night and they would have to keep the fire going . Devin would be warm enough in his heavy coat , but McNevin would need the warmth of a fire so as not to shiver throughout the night . With things taken care of , the two men sat down next to the fire , one on each side , and looked into its flames . They were grateful to have eaten this evening . Their stomachs were full . Tomorrow would bring what tomorrow would bring . But for the moment , they were two contented Irishmen . " I 've been to Dublin . I 'm going back to Kinsale , but there 's little of any worth there for me , no more . These days there is very little for me - and people like me - anywhere in all of Blessed Ireland . " " When I left Dublin , I thought I 'd roam a ways to the west and see if there was any work for an able - bodied man . I 've been all the way over to Glenbeigh . There is no work - and very little food that I 've come across in my travels . " " I 'll tell you true , Tom McNevin , there is very little for us poor folks here in Ireland . The land of St . Patrick , fairies , and the little people . The land of ruins . Of standing stones that have stood since the beginning of time . The land where my ancestors vanquished the Danes and ruled all this land hereabouts . I tell you true , Tom McNevin . " Devin threw on a few sticks to build it up . " Tell me , Tom . What is it like in a big city like Dublin ? Are there hungry people there too ? " " If you are not ready for sleep , I 'll tell you what I 've seen from Kinsale to Cork to Dublin and back . Me thinks that somehow we Irish have angered the gods . What misery I 've seen . But I have also seen acts of boundless Christian kindness . Devin laughed . " The coat was given to me by a kind woman . Underneath , I am dressed much as you are . " He then told his story and ended it with , " I 'll be going to America now . When I return , I 'll live in as fine a manor house as you have ever seen and have a coach - and - four to draw me to and fro as befits a man of my standing . No longer will I be walking from town to town . " McNevin warmed his hands over the fire . " I 'm sorry about your family . Me , I never had much of a family . My mother died giving bringing me into the world and , for one reason or another , I never married . Perhaps it was for the best . I don 't know how I 'd survive having my whole family wiped out in a trace . " McNevin leaned back as the fire flared up . " I 'll get to telling you , to be sure . I am a seanchaí of renown . An Irish teller of tales am I . You make yourself comfortable and I 'll pay for my supper this night with a tale that you will remember and pass down to your grandchildren as they sit upon your knee in that fine manor house that you will one day be building . " " I had six acres that I planted every year for twenty years . The crop fed me with enough left over to sell at market and keep me steeped in whiskey for a few weeks after harvest . My rent was always paid . But then the blight struck . The leaves withered , the stems rotted , and my beautiful praties were covered with dark and black patches . It all happened very quickly . " Without a crop , my rent I could not pay . The owner 's middleman badgered me daily and told me I 'd be thrown out onto the road unless I came through . This after twenty years on the same plot of land . I had always paid my rent , but would the landlord give an understanding to the blight and what it has done to this country ? No , he would not . He wanted only his money and his tenant of twenty years be damned ! I told the middleman that you cannot get blood from a turnip . " As a result of the agent 's badgering , I took myself off and joined one of those work gangs that the government had set up . We went out at dawn each day to dig holes . There was no reason to dig those holes , but if we wanted to be paid , we 'd have to dig them damn holes . The next day we would go out and fill in those very same holes . Sometimes we would build stone walls that enclosed nothing or made an existing wall higher by two feet or more . All for no rhyme or reason , only to keep us busy . " At least we were fed twice a day . Once at ten and then again at four . But it was very poor gruel they gave us , it was . And you had to work the full ten hours to be given even that . " At the end of the week , I would turn my pay over to the middleman to keep a hold on my farm . But he always told me I still owed . Finally , I had had enough . I was working ten hours a day , six days a week for two miserly meals a day . And after all that work , I still went hungry on Sundays ! " The summer of last year I gave up my farm and left Kinsale . I thought I could find work in Cork , loading boats . It was on my first day out that I saw my first horror . I came across a woman walking my way , holding a bundle in her arms . Like me , she was dressed in rags , and like me , she was thin , her face drawn . I could tell by her looks that she had not eaten in many a day . But unlike me , she had a look about her that I cannot describe . " When we came abreast of one another , I stopped and asked , ' Are y ' alright ? ' She looked at me with a blank stare and says she , ' I do be alright , but my baby is hungry . Can you spare a morsel of food for the wee little one ? ' " I had a biscuit in me pocket that I was holding for dinner . How I could I say no to her plea even if I had wanted to ? I withdrew the biscuit and held it out to her . She says , ' You give it to him . ' She unwound the swaddling to reveal her child . It was horrible , it was . The infant was dead , and from the look of it , had been so for some time . I looked at the woman smiling down at the lifeless baby boy as though he was alive . She had lost her mind either from hunger or grief - or both . " " I did the only thing I could do . I pressed the biscuit into her hand , saying , ' You feed him and have some for yourself . ' She did not try to feed her baby and she did not raise the biscuit to her mouth . So , the only other thing I could say was , ' Mind yourself , mother . ' She thanked me and resumed her slow wanderings . I stood in the middle of the road watching until she was out of sight . " " Aye . Corpses lay thick upon the roadside these days . I 've seen a few myself . A month back , I stepped into a burying ground to avail myself of a little shade from the beech trees lining its walks . There was a funeral taking place and I decided to linger until the service was over . After the mourners had left , the burying men held the coffin over the dug grave . One of them pulled a string and a spring mechanism popped open the bottom and the body wrapped in old potato sacks fell six feet to its final resting place . I asked about it . ' We have run out of wood for making coffins - there are just too many dead , ' informed one of the men . ' Undertakers all over Ireland are doing the same , ' said another . " McNevin leaned toward the fire - his face a ghostly yellow from the reflecting flames - and said , " ' Tis a little better than the country , but not by much . There is no work to be had in either place . People from the country have crowded the streets looking for work and the police do not like it . But they arrest no one because then they 'd have to feed them . What they do is give beatings in an effort to drive them back to the country . I 've been on the receiving end of a few beatings myself . " " Then glad I am to be going to America , " sighed Devin . " What else have you seen ? I want to know so that I can tell the people of America the true story of what is happening here . They are a rich people , and a kind people . They would send relief if they only knew . " McNevin threw a few more sticks onto the fire . When they had caught , and the flames danced about in the slight wind that was coming down from the north , he said , " ' Tis to be a cold night this night . I am grateful for the warmth of your fire , and I will tell you of more things that I have seen . I cannot understand how we have fallen so low . " " From Dublin , I walked west to Galway . ' Tis on the coast that I saw what cruelty really is . There were two women collecting seaweed and putting it into baskets . Having nothing better to occupy my time , I approached them with an Irish greeting , ' Dia dhuit . ' " They were both older than I , grey - headed , and dressed in rags . One of ' em had a ratty old red shawl about her shoulders . The other one 's dress was in such tatters that it was cut off above the knees . Both their dresses were heavily patched and neither of the women wore shoes . " They continued with their work , picking up the seaweed below the high water mark , as we walked along the beach . ' There be plenty of what you 're after just a few feet away , above the high water line , ' says I . ' Why do you scavenge for the scraps when the bounty is within reach ? ' ' We dare not , ' said the one with the red shawl . ' ' Tis the landlord 's property above that line . ' " When they caught up to us , two of them pulled the baskets out of the women 's hands . There was a sergeant and two privates . The sergeant said , ' I arrest you for thievery . You three are to come along with us . And come peaceably if you know what is good for you . ' " I was shocked at the turn of events . Not so much that I was being arrested , but by the fact that it was against the law to collect seaweed . Since when ? " McNevin answered the shrug . " I 'll tell you since when . Since those damn English came here with Henry II hundreds of years ago . Those damn English think they own the whole damn island and all of us too ! But enough of that . Back to my story . " " Apparently it was . The constable 's rejoinder was short and to the point . ' One of the landlord 's drivers saw you and reported you . There is nothing that we can do here . You must face a judge in a court of law . But why were you collecting seaweed ? You do not look like you have a crop that needs fertilizing . ' " ' We was gathering it to eat , ' said the woman with the torn dress . At that point , I spoke up . ' I was not stealing seaweed . I was merely walking along with these two grand ladies , enjoying the smell of the ocean air and their good company . You do not see a basket in my hands . ' " I wished the women well and continued down the beach until I came to a path that led back to the road . I 'll tell you true . There have been times since then that I wished I had allowed myself to be arrested . At least I would have been fed twice a day while in jail . " " Sure . You are my seanchaí . As we walk , you 'll be telling me tales of things you 've seen in this last year and I 'll be sharing my food with y ' . " " Thank you , Tom . There 's enough wood to sustain the fire throughout the night , but I 'll have to depend on you to keep it going . According to my brothers , I 'm not very good at that sort of thing . " by Andrew JoyceMay 5 , 2017May 7 , 2017 This is the first chapter of my latest novel that I 've been avoiding working on like I would avoid the plague . I 've got five chapters in the bag and I figure I might as well get back to work after a month of getting drunk , passing out , and walking my dog . Anyway , it still needs a ton of editing , but if something big jumps out at you , please let me know in the comments section . Now if you 'll excuse me , I gotta get a beer and go to work . It started out as a dream . A dream of a place where no one ever went hungry and fine Irish whiskey flowed from the fountains - a land of good and plenty . But first the nightmare had to be endured . In the second year of An Gorta Mhór - The Great Famine - MacMurragh stepped into Devin Mahoney 's cabin , but stopped short just inside the door . There was not a stick of furniture present ; it had been sold off , one piece at a time , as the hunger grew . Devin had not eaten for five days , and then it was only a meager cupful of cornmeal . Before that he had gone three days without a morsel of food passing his lips . Devin Mahoney , the descendant of kings , lay on the dirt floor of his small , dark cabin . Near in distance , but leagues away in time , a lone horseman ascends a small hill . He is wearing his bronze breastplate , but no helmet . A sword dangles from his left hip . When on the crest of the hill , he dismounts and looks about him . To the east , the green , undulating hills roll on until they touch the azure sky in the far distance . To the west , the green carpet flows gently into an angry , grey sea . To the north and south - nothing but the green verdure of the land can be seen . It goes on forever . The man 's name is Màel Muad mac Brian . He is the master of all he surveys . He is Ard Ri , the High King of all of Ireland . There are many lesser kings , but there is only one High King . It is a tenuous hold that he has on the crown . But for the moment , he is ruler supreme . Year later , his son , Cían mac Máelmuaid , chief of the Cineal Aodha , married the daughter of Brian Bóruma mac Cennétig , the man who had killed Cían 's father and became High King . His daughter 's name was Sadb ingen Brian . She was a comely lass with emerald - green eyes , and whose golden hair shimmered in the sun - like pale yellow sunlight reflecting off a small , placid pond . Cian 's lands extended from Cork to the steep cliffs of Mizen Head in the south . He and Sadb had a son who they named Mathghamhain . His progeny would become the sovereigns of Southern Ireland and be known as Mahoneys . Devin Mahoney was nineteen years of age and the last of his family left alive . His mother was the first to go when the blight hit . She lasted only four months . She had always been a little on the frail side . But going days at a time without eating just wore her down . One day , she put on her finest dress and sat in her old rocker . She informed her family that she was tired and needed a rest . The next morning when the family awoke , she was still in her rocker . Dead . " You 'll not be dying . At least not this day . The master has sent word that he will pay your way to America if that 's what you be wanting . If it was up to me , I 'd let you die and then we 'd be rid of you for good . " The men had just adjourned from the dinner table , leaving the women free to get on with their gossiping . The men had important matters to discuss . There would be no talk of cricket scores or the latest method of cattle breeding that evening . After serving the gentlemen their port , the butler quietly departed . Left alone , the four men , sitting in large , high - backed chairs , clipped the ends off their cigars . When the fragrant aroma of the West Indian tobacco filled the room , and the sweet , rich Portuguese wine had been tasted and savored , Lord Denbigh cleared his throat and said , " Gentlemen , what are we to do about this damnable Irish problem ? " The Earl of Denbigh sighed . " All of us here have landholdings in Ireland . What are we to do about the tax ? That damn tax will ruin me ! If the blighters over there are starving , why doesn 't the government send them food ? Why tax us ? " Francis George Hugh Seymour , the 5th Marquee of Hertford , rose from his seat and picked up the decanter of wine from his friend 's desk . As he poured the dark purple liquid into his now empty glass , a wiry smile played across his lips . " If I remember correctly , Bill , you were the one always so sure that you 'd be sent down for failing an examination while we were at Oxford . " " That was a long time ago , Pinky . I do not think that I am overstating the severity of the situation when I say that the tax on our number of tenants will cost us plenty . How are we to pay it ? " " First of all . One cannot just feed people when they are hungry . They must work for what they receive or else they will become indolent , and the Irish are already a languid lot . The Prime Minister knows this , hence , the creation of the work gangs and workhouses . However , someone has to pay for those things , and Her Majesty 's Government has decided that it should be us . I agree with the concept , but not with who should pay for the program . " " I don 't care who pays for it as long as it 's not me ! I can 't afford the tax . It will ruin me , " Lord Denbigh practically shouted . " You just built a third story onto your house . At how many thousand pounds sterling ? " asked his friend , the Marquee . " You used to have thirty - four hearths throughout the house . How many do you have now ? You needed a third floor like you needed another head . And don 't look at me like that , Bill . My point is that we can afford just about anything . But that being said , why should we pay the tax ? " Lord Beaumont rose and reached for the decanter . After he had refreshed his glass , he said , " We will pay the tax because we have no alternative . If those damn Irish did not breed like rabbits , then perhaps this year we would make a profit from our farms . The rents I collect do not come anywhere near what I 'll be paying in taxes . " The Marquee filled Lord Beckham 's glass and leaned back on the desk . Eyeing his three peers , he said , " We would not be in this pickle if we had not subdivided our land to such an extent . When the law was made giving us one vote in the Irish Parliament for each tenant farmer on our land , we got greedy for votes , not to mention the additional income . When the famine came along , the additional tenants became a liability because of this new tax . Prime Minister Peel and the Colonial Secretary , Lord Stanley , have deemed it necessary to tax us landlords for the creation of workhouses and work gangs . " The Marquee of Hertford continued . " My only concern is to remove the tenants from my land , and I think I have found a way to do so without throwing the poor buggers off onto the road to starve to death . That might not look so good and it may have unpleasant repercussions . You can push a people only so far before they will rise up against you . Look what happened in America under King George . " " It is less expensive to send a family of six to America than it is to pay the tax on them for one year . I have spoken with a few ship owners and they have all agreed to take the tenants at a reduced rate if we use their ships exclusively . It 's not much different than shipping cattle , " said Francis George Hugh Seymour , the 5th Marquee of Hertford . " I think you 've got it , " said a smiling William Basil Percy Feilding , the 7th Earl of Denbigh . " Let 's finish our port and rejoin the ladies . And Pinky , I 'll be wanting the names of a few of those ship owners of whom you spoke . " Looking down at the recumbent Devin Mahoney , MacMurragh shrugged his shoulders . " You ask me why His Lordship would send you off to America . Well , I ask no questions . I do as I am told . Do you want to go to America or lie in your filth and die ? The ship leaves from Cork in two weeks . " Devin forced himself to sit up and leaned against the stone wall of the cabin . There were no windows ; the agent was a dark silhouette against the soft brightness coming in through the door . Addressing the gloomy specter , Devin said , " I could not walk out that door behind you . How am I to get to Cork ? And how am I to live for two more weeks with nothing to eat ? " " If you agree to go , I 'll send the cook down with a little food to get you back on your feet . When you leave , you are to be given enough to keep you alive until you board ship . Once on board , you 'll have nothing to worry about . And in America , employment is plentiful and everyone is rich . " Devin had said he would go to America only to get something to eat . He had to think on what his next move would be . The agent would probably allow him food until he was strong enough to make the trek to Cork . Then he would be given a sack of meal to prepare and eat along the way . But what if he did not board the ship ? Whatever he decided , he would no longer be living on the farm where he was born . He lay back down and thought of his father and two brothers . His sister , Hannah , was safe . She had married before the famine struck and moved to the North where the suffering was not as widespread - at least not yet . A few months after his mother died , Devin 's father and brothers checked themselves into a workhouse . It was a decision of last resort when it became apparent that they would all starve to death unless something was done . The three older men would subject themselves to the indignities of the workhouse - the wearing of a uniform , the bad food , and the twelve - hour work days . At least in the workhouse , they would be fed twice a day . The salary wasn 't much , but what there was would be turned over to Devin who was to stay on the farm to protect the tenancy . When the famine was over , the Mahoneys would check themselves out and return to the farm . That was the plan . What they had not planned on was being exposed to disease . Bathing was practically unheard of in the workhouses and most of the inmates were infested with lice . Two months after entering , all three of the Mahoney men came down with typhus . Three weeks later they were all dead . And now here lay Devin , close to death himself . Devin struggled to sit up but was having a hard time of it . The cook placed the bucket on the dirt floor and went over to help . Once Devin was leaning against the wall , the cook brought the bucket over . " Now you go easy , with ya . If you eat too much , you 'll make yourself sick , sure enough . " She reached into the big pocket in the front of her apron and pulled out four slices of bread and a spoon . " I wasn 't supposed to give you any bread , so let 's keep this between us . " She handed him the bread and spoon as he smiled up at her - his first smile in many , many a day . The cook smiled back , then left him to eat his porridge alone . Devin first ate a slice of bread . Before the famine , he had never thought of bread as having any flavor , but as he chewed , his taste buds awoke with the sensation of little , intense explosions . The coarse brown bread was the most wonderful thing he had ever eaten in his life . He chewed slowly and enjoyed the feeling of food filling his stomach once again . If MacMurragh had just a spark of humanity in him , he would have let Devin work around the manor house in exchange for food . However , the man hated the tenants and did everything he could to make their lives miserable . The cook was a good woman and used to give the Mahoneys a little food at the start of the famine . But one day , the agent caught her at it and threatened to terminate her if she did anything of that sort again . She , being a widow and having a small child to look after , had no choice but to cease with her philanthropic endeavors . During the week , there was cabbage and potatoes to be had , and maybe a little milk . Sometimes the potatoes were fried , sometimes boiled together with the cabbage , and sometimes roasted in the fire . For most Sunday dinners , there would be meat on the table , usually pork . And at Christmas - time , there was always a pudding . As a child , he and his siblings awaited Christmas with wild anticipation . There were never any presents ; the family was too poor for things like that . But they always had a pudding . It was the high point of the year . Devin slept through the night . And as he slept , his body absorbed the nutrients from what he had eaten . In the morning , he was strong enough to stand and go outside . But first he ate his fill of cold porridge , which had congealed in the bucket overnight . For dessert , he had a slice of bread . " You said the boat doesn 't leave for two weeks . I 'll need a day or so to get my strength back . I can make it to Cork in five days . So don 't worry , Your Lordship . You just keep up your part of the bargain and I 'll be on my way as soon as I am able . There 's no longer anything to keep me here . " " When you 're ready to go , see the cook and she 'll give you enough food to get you to Cork . The name of the ship is The Archimedes . Tell the captain your name and that you are a tenant of Lord Feilding ; he 'll have a place for you . I 'll expect you to be gone by tomorrow - before I get back from town . I 'll be wanting to burn that hut of yours and be rid of the stench . " He looked around the empty room and thought of times past . Over there stood the table where so many family dinners had taken place . During the happy times , before the famine , dinner had been the best part of the day . It was a time to come together as a family and discuss things of great import . Such as Hannah 's insisting she needed a new dress . " How do you expect me to attract the boys if I have to wear that raggedy grey thing ? " Over there , against the south wall , is where he and his siblings slept . During the winter , they would drag their beds near the fire , and the three brothers would take turns keeping the fire lit throughout the night . He could still hear his oldest brother , John , yelling at him in the darkness . " Devin , you 've let the fire go out . It 's your turn . Get your arse out of bed and do your duty ! " His parents slept in the adjoining room - the only other room in the cabin . As a young boy , he had once asked his father why he and his mother did not sleep by the fire in winter . Remembering his father 's answer caused another smile to play across his lips . " Your mother is all I need to keep me warm at night . " It was at that moment Devin made up his mind . He would go to America and become a very rich man . He would return , buy the land from Lord Feilding , and find himself a good , strong Irish lass to bear him many children . He would live out his days as lord of the manor , surrounded by his children and grandchildren . Never again would a Mahoney be driven off the land ! In the morning , he knocked upon the kitchen door . Shortly , the door opened and the cook handed him a canvas sack . " Here . This will keep your body and soul together until you 're on the boat . There 's five pounds of meal and two of oatmeal . I 've also given you a small kettle and some matches . " Devin thanked her and turned to leave , but was stopped in his tracks with the words , " Wait a minute . I 'll be right back . " It was a cold November morning , and she had noticed that he was shivering in his tattered rags . She was soon back , holding a gentleman 's overcoat . " Do not worry . The master will never miss it . He has three more just like it . The only danger is if Mister MacMurragh sees you wearing it . " Devin leaned in and kissed her on the cheek . " You 're a good woman , Aife Meehan . When I return from America , I 'll build you the grandest house County Kerry has ever seen , and you 'll never have to work another day . " Devin put on the coat and hefted the sack over his shoulder . It was forty - two Irish miles from Killarney to Cork . Fifty - three miles if you 're figuring as the Americans did . The sun was trying to assert itself over the eastern horizon . It was a new day in more ways than one . As he stepped through the gate and out onto the road that would lead him to Cork , and ultimately to America , he thought of something his parish priest had once said in a sermon . Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this : |
Introduction : Becareful who you fall in love with . That person might grow to either love you or hate you Author 's Warning : This story is about 2 cousins , who throught pains are brought together and learn to strive throught it . Intially they begin as enmies , but eventually come to find true love , whether one of them is ready or not . This is a very long stry and most of it follows a plot . So if you 're looking for hardcore sex , you got the wrong story dude . But if you want a story that leaves you satisfied . . . read onwards reader . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Comments Are Appreciated ! P . S . My girlfriend helped me edit somethings . . so kudos to her ! ! The start of that day was during the early June time . In the dreary corner of the house , was the room that no one really wanted . In there , among the sheets , my naked body rubbing them , the moisture of my skin soft , I , Zoe , sleep . The room that I called mine was not my first , second or even third choice . It was forcibly given to me . My parents , formally known as Mr . And Mrs . Barker , had smiled at me , in a sort of painful way and had told me to take the room , despite my arguing that my sisters were getting the better one . ' Do it for your family Zoe ' they had said , knowing very well that I 'd put them ahead of anything . And so I ended up in the smallest room in the house . Waking up , I looked around the room . Everything was as I had left it , which was a good sign , meaning that nobody had woken up yet . On any normal weekend , my younger sisters would sneak into her room and destroy everything before I wake up . Looking at the clock on the wall , it read 8am . Normally I would be happy and satisfied with most of the things in my life , but that day felt off to me . It felt like everything was going to change . Getting out of her bed I looked outside my window . The only plus thing about my room was that my window was the only one to be pointed towards the backyard . Normally this would have been useless , being as there was nothing to look at , for our house backed into a park ; I enjoyed it because I often liked to stare out into the setting sun . It was one of those things that just seemed to be a fulfilling experience . Not wanting to roam the house alone , I sat down on her bed and picked up the book that I had been reading last night . Despite being only 14 , I had the intellectual level to match my older sisters . I was not exactly a nerd , but I always did manage to score top marks in my class and had been the recipients of many scholarly awards . After a while of reading , I heard some noise and realized that it had already been about 2 hours since I had woken up and everyone was up by then . I decided to go down cauz mom would be making breakfast and I didn 't want to miss out , knowing very well that Leslie would eat my pancakes . I jumped out of bed again and was about to open the door when I stopped to look at myself in the mirror . It was a habit of mine . I had always thought that I had looked perfectly well until my older sisters had reached puberty . They had both grown into tall , astonishing ladies . They both had 36D by the time they turned 14 and when I had hit that number , she still was a 32B . At that point I became much more aware of my body and it got even worse , because my friends and family constantly compared me to my sisters , them often being dubbed the ' better ' ones and boys often teased me cause of that . Looking in the mirror , I hoped that body would start to grow soon . I stood at about 5 ' 3 " , with dark brown hair ; and had kept it long , almost up till my waist . I was the only one in my family with dark brown hair , my mother and sisters all being stunning blondes . Walking downstairs , I entered the kitchen and was immediately met with the aroma of pancakes . My mom , Susanne , knew how to make them perfectly and had always made them every weekend . A little info on my family : My dad , Bill , was a business man , who owned a company in the near town of Denver and had done quite well for himself , investing the originally small company from his father . His company had grown over the years and he now owned two plants of his company . He had met my mother Susanne in high school and they had been sweethearts . She was a very practical person , never wanting to stay at home and be a house wife , she had demanded that her husband allow her to work in his company and she held a job there as an executive . They had gotten married when they had graduated college at 22 . And a year a couple of years later , their first daughter was born . They had named her Melanie . Another year later their second daughter Leslie had been born . And then next year came me , Zo ? They had though about keeping the limit at that but then one drunken night had led to another pregnancy , which led to the birth of last pair of twin girls Rene and Chloe . That had been their bunAs soon as I crossed the kitchen door , I was pushed aside by Melanie . Melanie , the oldest , at 16 was an exact copy of my mother , right down to seductive voice . It was known in the entire family , a silent knowledge , that she was the most dominating one , as she had everything always the way she wanted . That didn 't mean that she was a cold mean bitch , even though she could be that at times to me , but I still loved her . I ignored her sister and sat down at the table . On the each end of the table sat my parents and besides me sat Rene and Chloe . On the other side sat Melanie and Leslie and in the middle of them , right across from me , sat Sean . Sean was not a guest , not was he my sibling . He was her cousin / adopted brother . He had been living with us for almost a year now . The reason for his staying at our house was not often talked about by my parents , but from what I knew , both of Sean 's parents were dead and he had no other family . His mom had already died due to child birth , so he had always been with his dad . I had only had met once before , when I was 8 , and hadn 't thought much of him . Eventually his dad died in a car accident and had he had no where left to go . My dad Bill and his father were brothers and since they could afford it , they adopted Sean , who since had been living at out residence . In the beginning he had been very quiet and didn 't talk much We girls had often tried to get him to talk . Even though he was year younger than me , Melanie and Leslie treated him like friend and the rest tried hard too . Eventually he opened up more and soon he was an everyday part of our family . So as I looked at Sean , he smiled back at my . I , slightly turning red , twisted my head and ignored him . I didn 't originally hate him or anything ; it was just that , Sean had never really helped me out , though he had never ordered me around either . I felt that since he wasn 't truly a part of the family , he should be more grateful and help around more . Eventually this resentment of mine grew and after 11 months of living with him , I had come to despise him , though I myself did not understand why . At 13 , Sean stood at 5 ' 6 " and was very thin . He had jet black hair that he kept mildly short and beautiful dark brown eyes . That was the first thing I had noticed about him , his eyes , that looked liked they did not belong on this scrawny kid , but rather on a dashing movie star . He reminded me of a princess rather than a knight . Even at this stage of his life , whenever we were walking in the park , him always following me along , I had often noticed that girls used to look at him and whisper to themselves and a lot of girls his age had been quick to ask him on a ' play - date ' . Even when Melanie and Leslie 's friends came over , they often used to ask about him and I had even notice a couple of them try to hit on him . But Sean always use to make a sad or scared face and quickly approach me with some sort of distracting task to keep him away . Maybe that was another reason I had come to dislike my new ' brother ' . ' It 's not fair to me . Leslie is going to go stay over at her friend 's house and the twerps have their friends ' birthday party to attend . ' I sulked Mom immediately slammed her fist down . Everyone got silent . ' Okay everyone that 's enough . Rene , Chloe , first of all , don 't you ever call that sister again . Second of all , Zoe honey , I know this is wrong , but I remember that Melanie actually did inform me about this , 2 days ago , so it 's kinda my fault I guess . I know this is unfair but you have to cancel this . There 's no one to help you out . ' I felt like she was about to break down . ' Why does this always happen to me ? ' the thought pounded in my head , as I felt the first streaks of tears from on my eyes . Every one looked across at Sean , who kind of reclined with all the eyes on him . ' I - I said that if it 's not too much of a hassle , I help her out , by staying . ' He smiled nervously I felt confused . Sean had never helped me out and due to his shy nature I wondered how he could be a good host . But realizing that I had no choice , I sighed ' Fine . I guess he can stay . ' Everyone resumed their breakfast , with mom & dad talking across the table , Mel and Leslie gossiping about the latest fashion , and the twins discussing a joke they had heard . I had been observing everyone , and I turned to look to Sean and I noticed that he was doing something weird . He was staring into his cereal , mixing it with his spoon , but his mind seemed some where else and from I thought I saw , he was slightly smiling , something I hadn 't seen him do much . Maybe he just really wanted to help me ? My friends came over around 3 pm . By then everyone had left already and Sean was in the den reading a book . As my friends started gathering , they all went down to the den . They all stopped in their tracks when they saw Sean . He was sitting on the sofa and he had headphones on so he couldn 't hear us , but I realized why they were looking at him . He looked gorgeous and I do mean that . The angle of the sunlight , made him look like he was glowing . Then it hit me . My friends had never met Sean . At school , though we went to the same one , I always ignored him . Everyday at school he tried to approach me , but I had always pretended I didn 't know who he was . And whenever they had come over before , he had always been out or had stayed up in his room . He was always the type to avoid company if possible and as far I knew he didn 't have any close friends and besides his soccer team , he had no social contact . He always seemed like a loner to me and that made me feel frustrated , because I always felt that people , especially girls , were attracted to him and he always turned the opportunity down . I had amused my self by wondering not when , but if , he was ever going to loose his virginity . That thought always amused me for some reason . ' Well whatever he is , he 's looks like he 's just waiting to be corrupted . ' All my friends giggled at that . ' Zoe perhaps you might try to seduce him ? God knows you never had a boy like you . ' Andrea snickered ' Shut up ' I said back . The thought of seducing Sean angered me . ' He 's younger than me and for your information , I don 't even like him that much and I have plenty of boys to choose from . ' The truth was that I have never even been looked at properly by a boy . It 's not that I look ugly , but just that I don 't present myself well enough . I don 't dress up too exposed or even in a way that might show off my features . The biggest problem was that I always thought my eyes were enchanting . They were green and with my brown hair , made them stand out . But God likes to play unfair , and my eyesight hadn 't been the best , leading me to wear these glasses , which made me look like a bookworm . Never had a boy ever asked me out , or even show any interest in me . My sisters were considered the beauty of the school and me the black sheep . I had never even kissed a boy . And from what I knew , at least two of my friends had already lost their virginity and the rest of them had let their boyfriends touch their breast and play with their pussies . I had always wondered what it felt like to be touched by a boy and had often longed for those romantic feelings . We started hanging out by watching TV and we soon decided to go up to my room and talk about stuff ; mostly boys . I just listened because I didn 't know any hot stuff going on in school . This whole activity went on and I soon started having fun . When night rolled around and no one had been back , I was starting to get worried . During this whole time , Sean had remained on that sofa , listening to the music and ignoring everything around him . At 8 pm , when the house was still empty , Andrea stood up . She got everyone 's attention and announced . ' Okay listen up everyone . I have little game we can play , Truth or Dare . But there being one condition . If one of you decides to not to accomplish the dare , we will hold you down , take some lewd photos of you and hand them out to the guys in class . ' She grinned . I was appalled . ' No way , Andrea that 's too much . There 's no way I 'm gonna allow that to happen . ' I thought everyone would support me in this , but then everyone looked up at me and shouted to play . I couldn 't believe it . They were all willing to play . I was about to say that I wasn 't gonna play , when Andrea again announced ' And if anyone , refuses to play , I 'm gonna tell the kids at school about who you 've had sex with . And in Zo ? 8217 ; s case who she wants to do it with . ' I was taken back . I knew that Andrea was capable of that and I realized that I had no choice but to play . And so we played . Thankfully my turn didn 't come and as I watched the rest of the girls do their tasks , I wondered to myself if it may have been better to not have friends over at all . Just then I was snapped out of my thought by Andrea , who asked me to accompany her into the next room . As we went in there , she asked me in a low voice . ' Listen Zoe , can you get your cousin to play with us . ' I was taken back . Ryan McCall was the guy who I had a crush on . He was in my math and science class and we sat across from each other . I had liked him since the 6th grade and up till now in Grade 8 , he had never noticed me . I was seriously empted by this offer . ' Are you sure ? You Promise ? ' I asked I was amazed . She was being stupid of course , but no way in hell was I gonna let a chance pass by to sit with Ryan . ' Okay ' I said to her . She winked at me . I made my way to the sofa Sean was sitting on and stood in front of him . He stood still , ignoring me , which pissed me off . What ? Was he too good to listen to me ? But just as I was about to shake him violently , I realized that he had fallen asleep . I stepped back . He looked so calm , so pure . His face was unmoving and his lips were formed in an expressionless way . I came closer to him and saw that he looked . . . sad ? I didn 't understand . he didn 't show any emotion but somehow I felt like he was being tortured . I felt the urgency to feel his lips and let him know that I was there . Suddenly I realized , my face was less than an inch away from him . I jumped back . What the hell is wrong with me ? Why the hell was I gonna kiss this jerk ? I immediately shook him , wanting to distract myself . He woke up , panicking . I wasn 't gonna give up . Hanging out with Ryan was on the line . ' Well , it 'd be big help to me and I would really be glad . I am getting kinda bored and you said you 'd help me . ' I looked at him with pleading eyes . He tried to avoid my gaze . He looked nervously at the girls across the hall and seemed hesitant . Then he sighed . ' Sure I 'll play for you . ' As the game resumed , all the girls kept choosing dare . It seemed that they all had the same plan as Andrea in their minds . Finally it came down Andrea . She picked dare and waited for the girl across her , Cassie , to tell her to kiss Sean . But Cassie instead said that Andrea be slapped by the girl beside her . Andrea was shocked and before she could say anything , she had already been hit . Her face turned red . Was it from the impact or from anger , I couldn 't guess . Then the game resumed , with Andrea sulking . I was absent mindedly watching all the girls , noticing their sparkling eys and either lust & desire so strongly exposed in them , when I happen to look at Sean and he had been already looking at me . I suddenly blsued and looked away . What the hell was going on with me ? It 's just Sean , why the hell was I so suddenly tensed ? Then all of the sudden , I heard a yelp and looked down at the bottle : It came my turn . Now I was worried because if I opted not to do it , I would have my nude pictures taken forcibly . So I chose dare and Andrea , who sat across from me snickered . ' All right , I dare Zoe to go into a dark closet with Sean and stay in there for 15 minutes . ' I jumped up . ' No way , that 's gross . He 's my bother Andrea . Tell them Sean . ' I looked at him ' Oh but Zoe , aren 't you the dirty minded one . I never exactly said what you guys had to do while being in there . ' She laughed . I felt my face burn red and realized the situation I had gotten myself into . So the next thing I knew , Sean and I were being dragged and were thrown into the closet . When I heard the lock snap , I immediately started banging my hands on the door . ' C ' mon guys , this is not funny . Let us out ! ' On the other side I heard Andrea 's voice ' not until you make out ' Oh perfect . So she 's taking out her anger on me , I thought to myself . I decided that Andrea was right and that the best solution would be to just remain calm and spend 15 minutes with Sean in here . I moved back and looked around the closet . It was a 6 X 9 closet , so there wasn 't much space to sit , there was a small climbing stood , which I immediately occupied . But the wall was the sidewall so there was a small window on the top , bringing in light form the backyard , lighting the closet , slightly . He timidly looked away . But then I calmed down and realized that he was probably regretting the situation as much as me . ' But its okay I guess . What 's done is done . Let 's just pass the time . ' ' Actually I 'm glad to be here . At least this way we get to spend some time together . Cause it seems like , you always hate me or just don 't like me , ' he said . When I heard this from him , I felt that it was like I was so wrong in doing that . ' Sean . Why are you so God damn na ? ? You 're so soft all the time . Be a man for once and just stand up for whatever you want . ' I felt myself get angry for some reason He looked at me . In the mild darkness , a normally someone wouldn 't be able to see anyone 's face , but I could see his perception clearly . For the first time , I saw him look not scared , but serious . I was taken back . ' Why do you ask ? Is there any point really to convince people ? I always try to be nice in hopes that once day they will realize their mistakes and then we can actually get along . Why do you think I follow you so much ? Have you ever noticed ? ' ' Do you realize that I 'm always looking out for you ? Today , for example , I had my game . My team depended on me , but for your sake I didn 't go and then get pushed into a closet . I am nice all the time , so that I don 't have to put up with the problems of dealing with them . ' He seemed to have gotten sad . ' Sorry ' I said , ' I guess I didn 't see that people beside me also have problems . I am sorry for never asking you about your day and your health , you know . I guess I was always pissed that you always got more attention than me , even while you were new to this house . I guess being the middle child does indeed suck . He stood up and came by and sat beside me . ' Look Zoe . I 'm your friend here ; I didn 't come here to be a burden on you . In fact quite the opposite , I thought that since I was living with you guys , I 'd at least help you out as much as possible . ' I looked at him and smiled . I realized that I had been wrong about him . He wasn 't evil or selfish . He just didn 't know how to approach me . How to make friends with me I guess . ' Well at least now we can start to become good friends . ' ' Well its cause I guess that you work hard for everybody . You never complain . You always stand behind the scenes and let your sisters have fun , ready to sacrifice your happiness . They never say thank you and never really appreciate your kindness . You 're friends never realize that you 're not happy talking with them about boys all the time and they don 't try to get you involved with them as well , but you stay silent for their sake . You 're truly a beautiful girl , inside and out both . ' I was really surprised . No body had ever said that about me . More importantly he had noticed all these little things about me . He had always been watching , thankful , like no one else . He never made me feel lonely . That 's why he had always accompanied me when I went to parks , as now he was staying at home . I realized , that since he had been living with us , I had never been alone , whether at home or outside . He had always tried his best to accompany me at school so as to make sure that I didn 't feel left out among my friends . This guy , who could have hanged out with anyone , chose me over everyone . I felt very emotional , and all of a sudden , not knowing why I reached forward and pulled him closer , hugging him . I didn 't know why , I just felt like pressing his body to mine and just feeling his arms around me . I feared that he would freak out and jump back , but he didn 't . Instead he relaxed and I felt him slowly breathe on my neck . That gave me shivers and my heart started thumping really fast . This was the first time I felt this way . I was confused , I don 't know why . All I knew was that , if Sean moved away from me , I would be heart broken . Slowly I let him go . Once things seem to focus back , he said , ' Thanks Zoe . I was wondering when you 'd get past your thickheaded - ness and realize that I don 't want to hurt you . You know I 'm actually glad that we got into this . I have something to tell you . ' He sighed . ' Because as you know he and his wife don 't have any child of their own and he wants to adopt me . He promised my dad that if anything happened he would take care of me . Apparently he can now afford to . ' ' Well Uncle Bill said that it 's completely up to me . He said he can obviously afford to have me live here , but so can Uncle Derek and he might need me a lot too because he doesn 't ' have any children . I have to tell them my decision tonight . He 's been asking me about it for almost a week ' I couldn 't believe it , now that I was finally starting to understand him . He was going to leave . This was way too much to handle . ' No you can 't . I mean what am I gonna do . You 're the only person who understands me . Please how can I let you go ? I like you too much ! ' I suddenly stopped in my tracks . He was looking at me , taken back . What had I said ? I liked him ? ? ? Did I truly ? Now that I think about it . It made sense . I had always been jealous when other people noticed him . I never looked him in the eye . Whenever he approached me , I had run not because of hate , but because of fear and shyness . I had never talked to him , because I feared he would snub me like the others . I did like him . ' We have to escape ' Sean said . I agreed . We tried breaking the door open , but it didn 't budge . He looked about . ' There ' he pointed up at the window . He climbed the stool and tried to open the window . It didn 't open . ' It 's not opening ' he shouted . ' Is there something I can use to break the glass with ? ' I looked around , there was nothing ' Nothing Sean ' . ' Okay ' he said , ' I 'm gonna give you a boost and you go out the window . You then pull me out . Don 't you dare go confront them without me ? It 's dangerous . ' But when I saw his hand , I was horrified . It was cut up and blood was still seeping out from it . ' What the hell ! Did you use your bare hand to break the glass ? ' If only human language could describe how I felt from those words . At that exact moment he was pulled and I fell back , him falling on top of me . I was surprised how light he was . But as I realized his body was on top of mine , my heart bumped again . I felt his fragrance rise . He smelled sweet , like honey , and I felt his heart beat synchronize to my own . He pulled his head up and looked at me . No emotion , no expression . I too lay there , just listening to each others heartbeat . We both didn 't say anything . I wanted time to stop right there , so I could embrace him for as long as possible . I didn 't want to let him go . The realization that I liked him and that he might leave me , was making my head twirl . When I say that I was paralyzed , I mean that literally . I couldn 't believe it . My head was spinning 360 degrees every second . This was beyond belief . He liked me . When I had finally realized my feeling , he had too said it . But I was hesitant . I was scared of what might happen ' Yea I like you too . You 're my cousin . ' ' No ' he said firmly ' when I say I like you , I mean I like you like a guy loves a girl . I am in love with you . I have always been . ' He then bent his down and pressed his lips to mine . I went into Over - shock . My mind went numb . This handsome guy was kissing me . The guy I liked was kissing me . My first kiss was with him . I could taste his sweetness in that kiss . There was no tongue , all it was the pressing of our lips , but enough for him to express his emotions in that small movement . He then raised his head and looked at me . I couldn 't look into his eyes . Panicking , I pushed him off me . I didn 't know what to say . It was too much at a single time . ' Umm , we should go now . The kids need to get settled . ' I turned and ran What was I running away from ? What was wrong with me ? My feelings were reciprocated and yet I was hiding ? Why ? All I remember is that I felt like avoiding Sean . Thankfully we got everyone out and everything cleaned before everyone got back . He had managed to stop the bleeding , though I don 't know how . He kept his damaged hand hidden in his pocket . ' No , no , nothing . We were good kids , right Sean ? ' I was expecting him to have a very dreary reaction , but he smiled cheerfully at my mom and said ' Yup , we were perfect lil ' kids Aunt Susanne . ' I didn 't know what was going on in his mind , but I felt week all of a sudden . I excused my self and left for my room . Before I climbed the stairs I took one last look at Sean . He was expressionless , like before , only this time , I could have sworn I saw a dark look on his face . All night I tossed and turned on my bed , naked that I was . It was my habit to sleep in the nude since I was 10 . Mom always angry because of that , but I still did it . It made me feel comfortable . But tonight , there was no comfort , as all I felt was pain . I didn 't know what was going on with me . Why hadn 't I replied to him ? Why hadn 't I told him I liked him too ? All night I stayed awake , listening to the sounds in house . I heard the floor creak . I heard voices . I swear I heard someone crying , I heard the door open and close often . I heard the car drive away . Every sound in the night , felt like a gong to my puzzled heart . In the morning I woke with a grave heart . Getting out of bed , the first thing that came to mind was to answer Sean today . I had decided last night , that I was gonna give him an answer . He deserved it . I wanted to run to him , in his room and jump onto his bed and kiss him , to taste his lips again , to press his body to mine and feel his arms all over my back . But when I went down , everyone was there , except Sean . I was wondering what was wrong with him . Maybe he was still not over my rejection yesterday . Then dad suddenly cleared his throat ' Umm . You guys I have something to tell you . ' We all stopped eating and looked at him . Dad wasn 't usually this serious ' Yesterday . Sean decided to leave for England , to go stay with his Uncle Derek . ' I immediately jumped up and ran to his room . I started knocking on his door . ' Sean , it 's me . Let me in . Listen I 'm sorry , I 'm sorry . Please , don 't go . ' ' Sean , me too , I love you too . Please don 't leave me alone . I love you . ' I heard no response , so I opened the door . It was empty . The room was clean and there was nothing of Sean 's anywhere . I didn 't get what was going on . Mom entered the room and closed the door . ' Mom what 's wrong here ? Where 's all of Sean 's stuff ? Why isn 't he here ? ' I sobbed and grabbed my mom . ' Sshh honey , It 's gonna be okay . Listen , Sean decided yesterday night . His uncle has been asking him for over a month to come stay with him . ' I was floored by this . Had e had been waiting for me ? Was my decision going to make his mind ? Had it been me who had forced him to leave ? All I could do was sob in my own emptiness . I felt weak , emotionally drained . Nothing had prepared me for this and now the truth was just too bitter to swallow . I just stood there , reeling in empty silence ; feeling like my heart was being torn slowly . Mom looked at me . ' You know that he was in love with you , didn 't ' you . ' ' When I asked him why , his answer , being only 13 , impressed me . He said because you were a golden person , your face , your heart and your soul . At first I only took him half serious , but I later realized that he was very serious about it . When he is serious , his expression is that of an adult . And over time I realized that he was truly in love with you , because a mom can tell when a boy likes her baby . ' Mom 's words only made me realize what I had done to him . ' Mom I am so sorry . What can I do ? I don 't want him to leave suddenly . ' She patted my head ' There , there . It 's okay . He 's gonna come back one day and that 's when you decide how to answer him . Till then forget about it and enjoy our life . Just be happy ' When mom left I followed her . At the door I stopped and turned around facing the empty room . I spoke out loud ' Sean , I don 't know when you 're gonna be back . But I promise you , I will never forget about you . Please come back to me soon . ' And with that I closed the door I took a deep breath and then sat and waited in the car . Soon Melanie came out and sat in the driver 's seat and we drove off . As soon as we were out of the neighborhood , she took out a pack of cigarette and lit one . She snickered ' Yea I know that princess , but I 'm not gonna meet my maker until I 'm an old bitch with sagging titties . ' She laughed . In the 3 years that had passed , Melanie had grown into a more and more mom look - a - like . Even to the point that she had picked up her smoking habits . I laughed at this . Every morning Melanie used to drop me off at school before driving off to her college . My high school was in the way so she had no problems . As we pulled up to the school , Mel asked me ' so what are you gonna do about that Mike kid . He seems pretty intent on going out with you . ' As I approached my locker and opened it to take out my stuff , I heard a guy 's voice . ' You 're looking beautiful today . ' I turned around . There stood Adrian . ' Adrian ' I shouted and gave him a hug . Adrian had been a friend of mine since last year . I had gone out with him a couple of time , but nothing had come out of it , so I decided not to pursue it , though he made it clear that he was still interested . He had been the first and only guy I had gone out with . I had finally decided to abandon my glasses and opted for contacts . They made my eyes stand out truly . I had also gone through a metamorphosis . In the three years , my bust size had increased , though still not as much as my sisters , but still pretty good . I had grown to 5 ' 6 " and since last year I had joined the tennis team . That really helped me keep in shape and my body features were flawless . I had a surfboard stomach , a firm ass and long legs . Boys were now enchanted by me . Earlier at the year , I had already been voted the number once beauty of the school , and people were calling me a shoe - in for Prom Queen . And on top of that I had managed to keep my academic achievement as good as before , leading me to be one of the school 's best students . My life had changed and I had everything going for the better . The only thing that hadn 't changed was that I still didn 't have any boyfriend . But for reason I had never gone out with guys . I always , while considering their qualifications , considered them less than ideal . Only Adrian had been chosen , because he was soft spoken and was normally shy . He had wanted to date me out of all the girls , and considering his guts , I had said yes . School was now actually fun place to be for me now and I was enjoying my life When school ended , Melanie picked me up once again , and drove me home . As I entered the house , I found mom cooking in the kitchen . She was preparing a steak dinner . From my experience , mom only made her special dishes when there were guests coming over . I was surprised , ' Hey mom , someone coming over ? ' At 41 , mom was still at her prime . She was strong willed woman . Her blonde hair was thin and always perfect , not even close to showing signs of turning white . Her eyes , blue , were always shining , priding over having raised four beautiful girls . I laughed , being amused by her sudden change of attitude ' It 's cause I was up yesterday night , doing homework . I heard the door downstairs open and then I heard your door open and close . I wasn 't sure , but you just confirmed it for me right now . ' I giggled and hit her back and we ended up having a pillow fight . Leslie had developed into a strong willed lady . She didn 't have Mel 's God - given beauty , but her natural physical features could out - match her . Her hips and breasts were even more complementing then Melanie 's and she had a strong style of fashion , which brought her a lot of guy 's attention and drove mom and dad crazy . The door opened with a bang and Rene and Chloe immediately jumped on the bed with us . ' Hey did we hear something about boyfriends . ' The shouted in unison Those girls had grown o be two slap shtick comedians . They had natural beauty of course thanks to their mother 's attributes , but they themselves had been popular all the time and now as they had entered high school , their popularity had emulated . They were already the most popular of the Barker kids . At 5 ' 7 " they were the tallest of the kids and inheriting their mom 's blonde locks and their father 's blue eyes , they were radiant beauties , accompanied by the fact that they never went without one another . I soon went to my own room and started undressing . My room had become much brighter over the time as I gotten mom and dad to let me put more and more features in that room . I had gotten another window installed and I even had an air - condition . My lifestyle had really improved . As I took off my shirt , I stopped in front of the mirror to check my self out . My breasts were full out now . At 36D they were something that got the eyes of all the guys . My body was still thin though and my height had led to my aspects to stand out even more . I had cut my hair and it was mid - back in length . I had also slightly dyed my hair . It was now brown with blonde streaks . My waist was slightly wide and looked perfectly accurate to my hips . As I took off my panties , I looked at my pussy . It was clean and shaved . I had always done that , though I didn 't know why . I just hoped that the boy would see it , would like it to be clean . I rubbed it slowly over my arms and shoulders . It was smooth and smelled like lavender . The aroma was always intoxicating . And I gently smoothed over my stomach . As I reached to massage it over my breast , I felt a shudder . My I rubbed them well , As I ran my palms over my nipples , I felt exited . My nipples were getting harder and I was getting exited . I started rubbing my nipples and pinched them . It felt amazing . I felt aroused so much . The pressure of everything was strong against my body . I squeezed them even more and felt my self gasping . A I brought my hands down , to wards my love hole , I felt excitement . I didn 't regularly masturbate , so when I did that , it always felt amazing . As I rubbed my two fingers over the slit , it made all the hair at the back of my neck stand up . Slowly lathering up one finger , I pushed it inside my pussy . It send shiver through my body . I felt spasm in my bodies and felt liquid being released . I felt relived and incredible . I brought it in deeper and deeper . Every little nook and cranny being overcome , it felt like body was on fire . I started moving it in and out , slightly and slowly . That started my moment . I felt as if I was about to explode . As if I felt another hand on mine , moving it with a mind of its own , I increased my speed . A volcanic eruption was brewing as all the liquid was reaching the exit . I knew that I couldn 't go deeper , because I felt a thin barrier at my finger tip . I was still a virgin and had no plan to break my cherry myself . But I was seriously tempted . I wanted more . The moment was too astounding to explain . And all I could do was slightly ; bring about a second finger , close to the slit . As soon as I let it feel the tip of my hole , the volcano erupted . All the liquid was gushing down my legs . I ha come before , but not so much . My heart was beating faster than ever and I felt my nerves highlighting . Nothing had made me feel more sensitive . As it started to calm down , I slowly caught my breath again . It was not easy to do , considering I never knew a body could have its own splashworks . I wondered how much better it might have been , had a guy 's dick had been in me . The marvelous feeling was always enthralling . I finished my shower and stepped out . It was close to 7 . I chose my classiest clothing items , in anticipation of the guest . Around 9 pm , we were all called by mom down stairs and made to sit in the den . All the girls were present . They all were wearing a dress or something sexy . Mel was wearing a black - laced top with blue jeans . Leslie was wearing a brown dress , with her hair being curled and the twins were wearing black and brown tent dress and I was wearing a white sheath dress with green patterns . It went well with my eye color and I had my contacts on . Mom herself was wearing a formal evening gown , gold in color and it seemed that she was being too fancy . I realized the guest must be of a very great importance . The in walked a guy , who was wearing a hoodie , his head covered and wearing sun glasses . I didn 't recognize him . He seemed to be around my age . His chin I could tell was pointed and had prideful glance , His mouth was turned into a slight smile , but it showed a presence of longing and hands were in his pocket . It was Sean . He had come back . After three years of being absent from our lives . He had finally returned . And he had changed in many ways . His height was now close to 6 feet and he looked broad . He hadn 't gained any weight , nor did he look buffed , but from his posture I could tell that he was strong and had a good built . He had grown his hair , which now , jet black , was neck long and it also went in a fringe , his handsome face being covered by it in a messy , yet orderly way . He looked very different from how he had been when he left . Except for one thing ; His smile . It was the same smile that he always had . A sad one that made you want to ask him what was wrong . I looked at my sister and they were as dumbfounded as me . Sean looked even more mind - blowing than before and slightly more masculine . I swear I was Melanie checking him out and her eyes looked like she had found her mating partner . As Rene and Chloe got closer to him , I felt they were nervous . Back when he had come for the first time , they had immediately rushed to him and had made friends with him quickly . But now they were red faced , looking like fan girls , meeting their TV idol . They nervously shook his hand and immediately left to sit on the sofa , not a word spoken between the . As Leslie approached him , she too looked nervous , but she presented her self better than the twins . She firmly shook his hand and said ' Welcome back Sean . It 's been so long no . God , it 's amazing to see you again . ' Sean looked at her and gave her this smile , and I swear I saw Leslie 's arm suddenly shake , like the wind had been knocked right out of her . As she turned around and walked toward me , I saw her mouth ' Oh God , he 's hot ! ' And then Melanie approached . For the first time , I saw Melanie being shy and acting with caution , instead of being her brash overbearing self . And neither did I see any mischief in her eyes . She was simply cute . And what Sean did make my jaw drop . He lightly took her right hand . And then he gently but firmly , pressed his lips on it . He looked up at her while doing this and I , as her sister , felt that Melanie might succumb to fainting spell And I was now getting nervous . It was my turn . We hadn 't seen each other since his abrupt confession and my even abrupt rejection . What was I to do ? How would I react ? And the next thing I knew , all my emotions were released in the form of tears . I felt them running down my face . Everyone started looking at me , even Sean , who showed no specific sentiment ' I 'm sorry everyone , ' and with that I ran , straight up the stairs and into my bedroom . I dared not look back at them , especially Sean . I didn 't know what his reaction was going to be , or what expression he might be showing at that moment , but for some reason I felt like I 'd rather not know . As I lay there on my bed I didn 't know what was wrong with me . Silence everywhere . No noise from downstairs and no sign of any life in my radar . I just knew that I was alone and felt terrible in my misery . ' I don 't know what to do mom . It 's so sudden . I don 't know what to say to him . He shows up all of a sudden , when I 'm not even ready for him and I know eventually I 'll have to say something . What do I do mom ? I 'm so confused ? ' I started sobbing ' Well , saying hi would be a good start , ' said a soft voice . Realizing it 's not mom I looked up and of all the people in the world , it was Sean . He was looking at me , like I was some kind of small child and he needed to help me . ' Well after you ran off crying , I was confused and asked your mom what was wrong . She said that I should go up and talk to you . Apparently I am lousy at making people laugh , so guess it 's natural I make them cry ' He smiled I laughed slightly too , gulping in a tear . ' No Sean , you make people happy . I was just panicking and I didn 't know how to respond . Everything was soooo quick and out of the blue , it became a rush for me and I couldn 't keep up . ' ' I 'm fine . You tell me . In 3 years , no letter , no mail , no word . Why ? And how come you 're here so suddenly ? He looked at me firmly . The smile wasn 't there , but there wasn 't any anger showing . ' Well I 'm here cauz I finished high school this year and I have decided to go to college here . So I asked Uncle Derek if I could move back here . It took a few moths of persuasion to let me come here . But in the end he finally agreed . ' I was surprised . ' Woah woah , hold up . College , aren 't you a grade younger than me . I 'm gonna start college this Fall , how come you 're with me ? I was happy at hearing this . We were going to go to college together . In the empty space I was laughing , when in the back of my mind , the question still lingered . ' Sean , listen ' I said getting serious , softly grabbing his hands . ' I 'm sorry about what happened . I am soo so sorry . I shouldn 't have run away like that . I should have answered you . ' ' Sean I know I was a coward then and I know I have hurt you badly , but please believe me . I never wanted it to happen intentionally . It was just too much to think about all of a sudden . So please forgive me . ' ' Oh don 't worry about that ' he said cutting me off . I looked at him , with pleading eys . He abruptly stood up , letting go of my hands . I actually got over that really . I realized that it truly had been a stupid kid emotion . I saw you being brave , and probably all the hormone started acting up , but in reality , I guess I was fooling my self . ' My heart felt like it had gone cold . My body was filled with pain , as shivers ran down my entire body . What was he saying ? Was he serious ? What was going on ? I was so confused ' ' So don 't worry about it . It was my fault really ; I shouldn 't have said that I like you in the first place . I hope you never took it seriously , now we can be friends again . ' I felt like my body couldn 't move . Nothing had made me even believe for a moment that this would ever happen to me . The only boy , who ever truly confessed to me , was now saying it was just nerves . What was wrong here ? Sean stayed true to his word . He never did look at me ever in a way that made me believe that he yearned for me . He always seemed patient . If anything , he always seemed happy to talk to me , as if rebuilding our friendship was the most important thing for him . He had truly changed in these three years . He was no longer shy . He always held his head up and talked to him . He always voiced his opinion now . And he now always helped around the house . Mom and Dad often commented that a boy had left and a man had returned . If that was true , then did that mean that it was the boy who loved me and the man , wanted to be just friends . Every little thing he did made me more confused . I couldn 't make head and tail of anything he did . All of his actions were now so unpredictable . He also had grown wisdom wise . Not in the sense that he was genius all of a sudden . We had always known when had been living with us last , that he was the smartest person in the house , even so more than me . He just now seemed too ' grown up ' He always treated Melanie with the most respect though . He always seemed caution when talking with her . She too always seemed to be free when he was at home and they seemed to spend a lot of time with it . At the end of July , it had about a 3 weeks since Sean had come back to live with us . I had pretty much gotten used to his new style , but that didn 't ' mean I was happy with it . If anything , as time passed on I started falling into a slight depression because the more he seemed to ignore me , the more my heart coveted him and wished that I had done something all those years back . Melanie had been out that day . She had asked Sean to drop her off somewhere . The place she said was about an hour and a half away , so they were gonna be gone for a long time . I wondered why he was willing to go so easily . And why was Melanie asking him all the time , rather mom like usual ? The thing that petrified me was not the condoms themselves . I had actually known about them since almost half a year . Mel had said that she kept them incase the right guy came along . But the thing terrifying me right now was that from the pack 4 were missing . She had the whole strip the day before Sean came , as I had taken out some painkiller that day . And now they were gone and as far as I knew Melanie didn 't have boyfriend . And she had been driven by Sean on a long drive 4 times already . My mind was blacking out . I didn 't ' want to put to put 2 and 2 together . I could never accept the conclusion . No ! It had to be a lie I ran to my room and stayed in there all night . I kept praying that my perception was wrong but no matter how I looked at it , there was no other solution that I could come up with . That night when I heard Mel and Sean come in , I snuck out of the room and silently observed them . Melanie 's hair was in a mess and it looked like they both were roughed up . And then I heard the last words I wanted to hear . Melanie spoke ' I love you Sean so much . Thank you for all this . ' I don 't remember what happened afterwards , but all I remember is being back in my room , feeling drained and slowly falling into the abyss . I kept my distance form Sean , from that day forward . I avoided him at all possible manners . Whenever he came into a room , if I was in there , I always made some sort of excuse and got out of there . Whenever he started up a conversation with me , I dropped it immediately by changing the topic and then got my self busy in discussing something with Leslie or mom . I avoided his gaze , and if possible , made sure that he never saw my face . I did this all not for the fact that I might hate him now . No quite the contrary , I was afraid that if I ever saw his eyes , I might brake and tell everyone what I had learner , in order to separate him and Melanie . I still loved him and if being with Melanie made him happy , I , in all my grief , would try to accept that The one night in late Mid - August , during the monsoon season , I was reading a book when Sean entered the den and made his way to the lazy boy across the room . I at first tried to avoid him and ignore him , but for just a millisecond I happen to look up from the book at him and saw him gazing at me . I immediately put my face down , praying he hadn 't seen my observation . ' Oh honey excellent . Listen , your aunt Nancy has this antique statue form our house when we were kids and I need you to go pick it up . Can you do that please ? ' she asked ' I know dear , but it 's just an important thing . It was a statue our mom bought when we moved there ; I always kept it in my room . It has so many precious memories , I just want it badly . I would have gotten it myself , but your father is out of town and I need to go to the plant and get a few meeting done . ' ' Alright mom , I 'll go . But how am I supposed to go there . If I take a bus , it 'll take half a day to get there . It 's already 7 . ' I couldn 't believe my ears . This was anything but what I needed right now . I crossed my fingers and hoped that Sean would share my feelings and deny . He replied . ' Sure Aunt Susanne . No problems . There 's like what , 2 , 3 towns along the way right ? ' ' Yes dear , 3 to be exact . ' Mom beamed ' There you go . Thank you so much both of you . Now drive safe . There 's ' a report of a monsoon alert , so get there quick . ' And she left . I closed my eyes and kept praying that this was a dream , but ten the devil 's voice came . ' I 'll be in the car . Hurry up okay . . . . ' But I had to so I made my way I there and we both sat . As Sean pulled out the drive way , he gave one look to the house , as if saying good bye and thank you . I wondered what that was about . We drove all the way in silence . The journey was terrifying . Partly because of the storm brewing outside and partly because I was afraid that Sean would ask me something . What was I to say ? Hey I know you and Melanie are having sex , good luck ? After a terrible 3 hour drive , where neither of us spoke anything thankfully , . We pulled into town We picked up the statue which was in the form a elephant , looking sort of like a Disney cartoon , mixed with a satirist 's view of what was cute . I didn 't particularly like the statue , but that was to say I didn 't find it curious . The more I looked at it , the more I could have sworn that I had seen it before , which was weird because I would have remembered seeing something so peculiar . ' Oh you guys can take it . Just get home safe . The weather forecast said that the monsoon might be coming . If you want you can stay here overnight ? ' I thought about it . It might be good experience . I was about to say yes , when Sean said , ' No thank you ma ' am , we really should be going . Got some work in the morning . ' And so we got in the car and started to make our way back to home . The way back was the same as our first trip . We dint say a single word , , both having different reasons . My being fear and his being confusion . We had just entered the second town , when all of a sudden rain started to pour . At first it was only light , but then it became heavier . I could see that even Sean , who was very good driver , was having problems driving . I knew that Sean was trying his best , but he was struggling and normally he should have stopped , but he was till going . ' Well you 're right , it is hard . I am being a stubborn idiot . We can camp out here for the night and leave tomorrow morning . ' He called someone on his cell ' Hello Aunt Susanne . Hey listen , me and Zoe , we got stranded here in the town . No we 're okay . Yes she 's fine . . . Yes I know , we got it don 't worry . . . Ha - Ha . . . anyways listen the monsoon just took us by surprise , there basically no way I can drive safely tonight and since were halfway there , we can 't go back to Aunt Nancy 's place , so we 're gonna stay here . . . Don 't worry . . . Yes I 'll keep her safe . . . Alright . . . Goodbye . ' I was left with my mouth hanging . Wow he had really changed . Far from being shy , he could now negotiate and convince my parents . I was impressed , to say the least . ' Hey lets get in before it becomes crazy again . ' He said . We ran into the hotel and Sean went up the check out desk . He came back with the key We made out way to the room and entered it . It was pretty furnished room and seemed pretty comfortable . There was TV , a fridge , a real Fireplace and . . . One bed ? But before he could leave , I grabbed his hand . I didn 't want to be let alone and especially not by him . ' Sean , please don 't leave me alone . I 'm scared . ' Thunder had always scared me for the worse . I had never told anyone about my fear He looked at me and gave me a smile . It melted my heart to look at that amazing smile . I wondered why I was ever feeling awkward with him in the first place . Lying there under the covers , I asked my self that what the hell was going on . Today all day I was avoiding him and now at night , was going to sleep in the same bed . Where was nature gonna take us . I knew that secretly in my heart that nothing was gonna happen because Sean already had Mel and he would never cheat on her . It was not his nature . I stayed in bed , in the darkness , for some time , listening to the thunder and the shower running . After a while , I heard the shower stop and the door opened . And form the light , Sean came out . He was not wearing a shirt . He got into bed and faced the other side . There was dead silence in the room . It was awkward , but warm . I had never known the heat from a man 's body could be so comforting . I could smell him , his scent , almost taste him through this and it brought back memories of my first kiss , all that time back . The flashes of lightening were making me shiver and I felt like the distance between us would increase . All of a sudden I felt his back press to mine . I took a deep breath . ' Well when we were small and we met , we took a liking to each other . So much so that you declared that you wanted to get married an we did . That statue was our ' priest ' . ' He laughed slight ' Oh my God ' I couldn 't believe it . My ace was burning red of embarrassment . I couldn 't believe I had done such a thing , and much less with Sean , the boy I have come to love . I was silent . This happy and embarrassing news soon led me to remember r something that almost made me cry . ' Well at least now you have Melanie . ' I was pondering whether I should continue or not . I decided hiding things would just alienate us further . ' Sean I know the truth . I know you actually love Melanie . I figured it out . ' Still not turning , he asked , ' What are you talking about ? I don 't have a thing for Mel . If anything , she 's like an older sister to me . ' I felled angry . Why was he denying it ? ' Sean , I know okay , please don 't lie to me . I know you two have been going to a hotel or somewhere every time you drive her off ' I said laughing bitterly , holding back tears . Now he laughed , slight , but a true laugh . ' Yeah that 's ' cauz she indeed been having sex , but not with me . She 's got a boyfriend . ' ' Yeah . It 's a secret , but < el , met a guy in college and fell in love with him . Every time I take her out , I drive her over to his place , where they consummate their love . You fairly know you 'll parents will kick her out if they find out what she 's doing . So this is her secret . ' He looked puzzled , ' When ? . . . . . Oh ! That . . . hey she was just thanking me , remember , she said Sean I love you , thank you for all the help you 've given me . I would never be able to meet Darius without you . ' I couldn 't believe it . All a misunderstanding , because I didn 't bother listening to them properly or being honest to my sister and Sean . I hated myself . I really did hate myself . I felt tears start to form around my eyes . I got angry . ' What the hell are you laughing at ? It was your fault . M love and hatred for you at the same time had caused me to be like this . And now idiot , you 're laughing at my pain . . . . . But I really am an idiot . No wonder you hate me . ' He sighed , and slowly he reached out and touched his finger tips to my cheek . His fingers were so warm , emitting a desire form my body I never knew . I felt compelled to hold him . He looked at me . In the darkness I could envision and feel his strong gaze . ' What are you deaf ? I said I , Sean Hammett , am in love with you Zoe Barker . I did , have and will forever continue to love you , beyond death . ' I couldn 't believe it , He loved me . He still loved me . I was wrong . He was still in love with me . The guy I had hated , and then come to love , was still in love with me . The moment I understood the truth of this statement , my heart felt like it sopped . Did I deserve this ? Was this a dream ? Was nature playing a cruel trick on me ? I didn 't want it to . If this a dream , please let me stay in this coma . I was beyond bliss . I was beyond ecstatic . I was . . . happy . ' But , - but - but ' I couldn 't hold back the tears , as they started dripping loosely , ' I thought you hated me . You told me that that confession was a mistake . It was hormones . ' He looked at me lovingly . ' It was all true . You weren 't ready and it was mistake to confess to you before such a big decision . It was hormones because I was worried that if I go with Uncle Derek , I might lose you as you might fall in love with someone while I was gone . ' ' No selfish reasons really . I had decided originally to stay back . But that night uncle Derek called me . He talked to me for the first time since proposing the idea . He said he would love to have me and more importantly I should do it for his wife . Since they couldn 't have children ad she was unwilling to adopt a baby , she needed someone to nurture and love . They needed me . I couldn 't ignore that plea . As much as it hurt me to leave you , I did it cauz I was selfish ' I stated laughing , gulping tears . Always the same with him . He was truly an angel . ' No you idiot . You always sacrifice your happiness for others don 't you ? ' He looked at me and smiled . ' Maybe ' His smile evoked even more emotion from my heart . The world outside cried , the lightning ripping the nature of clouds . The birds hid for shelter , the plants feasted on the rain . The moon hid herself from mortals . The stars lost their twinkle . My tears of joy finally flowed . . . . . . . . . . . . And he kissed me ! It was not a regular kiss . Nor was it a kiss of lust . It was an emotional kiss either . It was kiss of freedom : A freedom where I could tell him my emotions ; a kiss where he could tell me his pains ; a kiss where we could finally say the magic words . He pulled his hand and ran it lightly across my face , his fingers lightly touching my skin . His feel was just enough to send shivers down my spine . It made me feel arm like never before . A fire erupted from within my body . And then I felt it . His tongue . It brushed across my lips and on instinct I met his with mine and they intertwined an embrace that would put cobras to shame . I tasted him . Truly tasted him . He was sweet He was a does of drug for me . I was hungering for him . My tongue and his rolled and we explored the mysterious caverns of each others mouths . I didn 't know that kissing could be this sweet . My love had given me two kisses . Both of them sweeter than sugar and addictive than drugs , as it made me feel amazing . ' Oh my God Sean , I love you too . Love you soo much . I have always wished for this . One day I wished that you would finally be mine . ' He put his palm to my breast and squeezed lightly . Again my body moved on its own as I felt my self pushing towards his palm . ' Oh that 's amazing . Then all of a sudden an electric current ran through my body , as he gently flicked my nipple . ' Oh what are you doing Sean ? ' I asked deeply breathing . He laid me down on the bed and stated kissing my body . He started from neck , making me quiver . His touch was so warm ye so ice cold . It felt like an ice cube was being seductively slid across my body When he reached my stomach he stopped and gave me a loving look , before taking a finger and rubbing it across my slit , outside on my white cotton briefs . That did it for me , My first time being touched by a man , and that one I hade loved for soo long , the idea f that put my brain on fire as I lost all senses . Then I felt it , my body felt like mercury had just ran through it and I felt spasms coming on . But it didn 't hurt and I wanted that feeling over and over again . Sean stood up and unbuttoned his shirt . He sat down of the bed and took of his sock , slowly , one at a time . Oh God , he was teasing me soo badly . I was gonna get him . Finally he stood up and lowered his boxers . As soon as he took them off , his hard cock , slipped out . It was my first time seeing a real one . It looked so big , so much more than on the Porn Websites . He gently called me to him . When I approached him , he took my chin in his hand and kissed me . Once , twice , with the most passion one can muster up in that situation for their beloved . I got down on my knees and for the first time was up - close with his meat . God it was big . It looked about 7 - 8 inches to me . I reached out my right hand and slowly , but firmly grabbed it . The moment my hand touched his rod , he released a gasp , betraying all the coolheaded image he was trying to build . I couldn 't help but giggle . But I was confused too As I moved my hand , Sean started to tense up more slightly and soon he was slightly gasping . Apparently he was feeling amazing . Gradually I built my speed and I said his breathing got louder . I knew he was feeling great and I felt happy knowing I was making him feel this good . When I started to slow down , not sure what to do next , he moaned ' Oh don 't stop ' , and I knew what the next step was on impulse . Without any warning , or anything I took out my tongue and liked the tip of his dick . I know that must have been the biggest and best surprise in his life , because he knees almost buckled . When he looked down at me with that look , I knew I was right and I opened my mouth and took an inch of his hard pole in my mouth . It was warm in my mouth seem to expand . The first splash of it hit the back of my throat . It went hard , but I manage to hold my ground , promising myself that I would do what I had indented . After 3 , 4 spurts , he finally stopped and I let his slightly limp cock slip out my mouth . I looked up at him and when his returning senses focused on me , I swallowed . He seemed shell shocked and when I opened my mouth and shoed it was empty , his mouth dropped And with that he pulled my leg and I suddenly fell backwards on the bed . Before I had a chance to respond , he started kissing me . Starting from my ankles , he kept lowering himself , his each advance , ushering more gasps for me . When he reached my scared vicinity , he looked at me lovingly for approval . How could I deny that face ? And I then nodded . He slowly pulled my panties and slid them off . He looked amazed ' You 're shaven ? ' I looked at him in a naughty way ' Yeah , I always unknowingly did it . I always wondered why . Maybe subconsciously I was hoping when this day came , you 'd like it ' He looked elated ' I love it . ' And immediately bend down and gave my slit a quick lick . The reaction I felt within myself was undeniable . Never had I felt this feeling . I didn 't know what it was but I knew that I wouldn 't stand not getting this blessed feeling again . He obliged and started to lick with fervor . He slipped a tongue in sending me screeching into another orgasm . All my liquids gushing from met the same time . Masturbation had been amazing , but nothing compared to this . I started pressing my gash more and deeper onto his face . It didn 't discourage him that I was screaming at the top my lungs . He just kept at it . All of a sudden he stopped . Then when he likes my clit , tat feeling is once that cannot be described . Scholars and Philosophers have tried to pen it , but all have fallen short . My mind , heart , body , soul and thoughts themselves , were all on fire . I felt like that if even the world was being destroyed , I wouldn 't care , as long I kept feeling this way He stood on the edge and pulled me closer . He took his cock and started rubbing it along my opening , coating it in juices , making it easier to slide in . The feeling of his meat , slapping my pussy was too much o handle He breathed ' Alright . Here we go ' and breathed quickly , he pushed a couple of inches in letting it slide in till a thin barrier . Oh god it was painful , it was stretching me so much , but the idea of having his dick in me was even more desirable . A slow moan left my mouth and I knew that I was gonna enjoy this form that point . Soon all the pain turned to pleasure and as Sean go faster , my moaning got louder . With ever thrust , I met him with another one of mine , making sure he felt them properly . He was getting faster and faster giving me more pleasure and letting me understand the truth of what love is . Our speed started to increase and Sean got faster and faster . He was a man on fire . He wanted to make sure I enjoyed it as much as he was and I must say that I indeed was . Suddenly he bend down , put his arms under me and swept me up , lifting me . The pressure felt completely different . It felt harder , hotter , but the pleasure was so amazing too . If anything , that increased his desire to make me feel great and speed if possible increased and then it happened . I felt that heaven had become a part of me and I was eating form the sweetest fruit . All my senses already at their summit , experienced another intense session , making my body burst in bliss ' I don 't care . As long I 'm with you , I 'm ready to heave your baby . Please Sean . Let me have it ' I shouted And then I felt my inside filling with warm baby juice . The feeling was mind - numbing . It was soo warm yet so relaxing . I would have taken his cum , even if I wasn 't on the pill . It filled my womb and filled me my limit and started leaking out . Even with his dick plugging my hole , it was still a lot and the moment he lifted me of his shaft , , the liquid , started dripping . As we lay on the bed , I put a hand between my legs and took some of it and liked my finger clean . |
Have you ever gotten stuck in an elevator in a hotel ? Have you ever been in a hotel black - out ? Any hotel mishaps ? Met your other half in the hotel pool or gym ? Celebrating the launch of Five - Star Cowboy set in Tempest West Hotel , the first of the Suite Secrets mini - series , we 're holding this blog contest ! Simply post any fun / intriguing / harrowing / romantic adventures that has happened to you in a hotel ! Every so often I 'll be picking a favorite and sending out autographed books . Then in September , all hotel blog comments will go into a random drawing for a Grand Prize of a $ 25 . 00 Victoria Secret Gift Certificate AND a Secret Prize . Remember you have to blog here to be entered ! ! I want to hear your stories ! Posted by Hi Charlene , well my story is that , in Feburary this year , I went to do some reseach for university at this hotel and was waiting for the manager in the lobby , then this guy who was in the country for business , came down stairs while I was there . Really handsome , he passed said and said hi . 5 minutes after he passed again and picked up a newspaper on the table next to me and sat down to read it , which is strange since this is the area for visitors , not guests , he got up not long after that and then came back only this time he sat on the couch I was at , so I was begining to get worried , then he said , I just have to tell you that you have a lovely smile . I was there blushing and then we struck up a conversation turns out he is such a nice person we exchanged phone numbers . To get to the point he became my first boyfriend and we are now engaged . I will never forget the vacation we took when my oldest daughter was a baby . We went to the Grand Canyon with my father - in - law and mother - in - law . We lived in Arizona at the time . We stayed overnight at a Motel there . It was a living nightmare and not a good start to being loved by my in - laws . They wouldn 't allow us to get separate hotel rooms and my husband made good money at the time and we could have afforded it . No - we all stayed in one room and had a crib brought up for my daughter . I was raised with running water and a shower but had a shower since getting married . The shower curtain in the bathroom allowed water to run all over the floor and had to be mopped up . My in - laws treated me like crap and my husband said nothing about the way they spoke to me . For 28 years it was always that way . I was an outsider . But I never forgot that nightmare and it ruined our vacation for me . In May last year , my best friend had a wedding so , I stayed at this hotel for a few days . The power went out in the hotel on the same day I had to check out , well to top this off I twisted my ankle wearing too high heels . The bellhop took the luggage to the check out counter , which left me with the problem of getting downstairs without the elevator . I am thinking if I go down each step slow I " ll make it down sometime , but I will hurt my ankle more since I was on the 8th floor . So I am sitting on the steps thinking , when this guy comes out of his room to head down the stairs , sees me there and ask what is the problem . So being friendly I told him and he end up talking to me for a while , then he tells me he has a solution to my problem . When I ask what is he said he will show me . Next thing I know he picks me up in his arms and starts to carry me downstairs . I am in feeling greatful , shock and a little embrassed . So with nothind else to do but continue talking we just shared some things about ourselves . So when we reached the counter , he still did not leave me but waited with me till I was done , got a taxi and also helped to get to the airport . I just went with my instincts to trust him and it sure paid off . We exchanged contacts and it turned into a long distance relationship . Is it any wonder I married this guy and he was so romantic we were married one year later , exactly on the date we met . Hi Ladies , I 'm loving all these stories . Thanks for sharing . Gina - Congrats on your engagement ! Wonderful news . squiresj - - Bummer on the in - law situation . Sorry to hear you 're vacation was ruined . I bet that memory stays with you . lj - oh how romantic ! I love a HEA - Happily Ever After story . To think , hurting an ankle turned out to be a good thing ! Well , my story isn 't romantic LOL . It 's a bit harrowing . I 've had to be evacuated three times by hotel fire alarms ! Chicago , London and San Luis Obispo . Fortunately none of the fires were serious , but all guests did have to vacate . And it was dreadfully scary until we knew the details . The hotel room in London was ten stories that we had to walk down - - but we didn 't have to climb back up LOL . At least we remembered to grab our passports before evacuating . I loved the posts about the couples meeting randomly and getting together . How romantic . Running away to an Omaha motel with my widowed friend Rosemary , for rest and rejuvination was never about shopping for a husband , but lost keys made us wonder . Almost as quickly as we arrived at the motel we headed to the pool and spa becoming relaxed and sleepy . Later while we reclined on the beds we joked about heading to a bar to see what males we could find for Rosemary . Suddenly there was a knock on the door and commenting to my sidekick , I said , " We don 't need to go out . They are coming to us . " I timidly opened the door where I found a handsome gentleman ! " Madam , " he said , " you may want to take your key from the door . " With much girlish giggling we took our lost key and closed the door on the bewildered gentleman . My story is that one time in the hotel restaurant , I was going to eat lunch by myself , just before I had an interview , when the waiter brought my food , just before he reached my table someone got up suddenly , and pushed their chair back too far and it bumped into the waiter , and he lost his balance , so my cold soup , salad and chocolate mousse fell all over me . I was shocked , but then I started laughing at the situation , guess food falling on people dosen 't only happen on movies . So there I am , some guy rushed to help me , and also the waiter is sorry , I said its alright , these things happen ( I worked as a waitress before , so I know accidents happen ) and tried to get cleaned up , only my interview outfit was ruined and basically my hair was in a mess . The job I was interviewing for was popular and I am just a little sad as I would not have been able to go as I was . Then tears started falling from my eyes . So the guy who was helping me saw them and he wanted to know what was wrong . So I mentioned the interview how I could not go again . It turned out that the man helping me was in fact the owner of the company , I was going for the interview , and he was having lunch there . So he ended up interviewing me right there ( looking as I was ) . I ended up getting the job on the spot because in addition to my qualifactions , he said the way I handled the incident , that is the attitude and personality they want in the company . I am still with the company . These stories are all great ! I 'm having fun reading them . I was at the Romance Writers of America convention in San Francisco this week , so I 'm a little behind . I WILL be sending out an autographed book soon to one of you . And remember , all who post are entered into the main contest of Suite Secrets ! Thanks for sharing ! ! Oh and bunnyoftroy - - keep blogging ! It 's a fun way to get to know one another ! I went to a Home Economics convention in New Orleans one year and when I was in the hotel lobby a guy rushed up to me and said , " Jackie , how nice to see you here . I didn 't know you would be here . " or something to that effect and I said , " My name is not Jackie . " He insisted it was ( he thought I was my twin sister who lives in San Diego ) It was a few awkward moments but we resolved the issue and we later had dinner . A nice guyJOY Congratulations on your award , Charlene ! ! On one occasion my sis and I stopped at a motel in NC . We got our room key and drove around the back to park and go inside . My sis had to sneak her dog in so she asked me to go to the inside door and unlock the back door so she could get in . I went to the door and tried the key but it didn 't work . I heard noise so I pressed my head to the door and the TV was on ! They gave us the wrong key and the room was occupied ! I 'm suprised nobody came to the door while I was trying to fit the key in the slot . lol ! Another good hotel story was when my friend and I snatched Dave Navarro away from the other members of Jane 's Addiction and the three of us partied hard in our own room . Oh , I 've partied and had so much fun in hotels / motels ! Last but not least a friend and I got locked out of our room . Another friend was inside and she couldn 't get the blasted door open either ! We called maintenance and a guy had to open the door with a crowbar . ROFL ! Mel K . While on a trip to California , back in the day , had made arrangements to meet friends in a certain room . Proceeded to said room , knocked on the door , walked in and encountered future boyfriend standing in the room with just his undies on and staring at himself in the mirror . Smiled lightly , apologized and realized had walked into the wrong room ! After returning to CT , we became very good friends and kind of a couple . My hotel stories all surround theannual trips made with some 100 to150 of our nearest and dearest bandstudents to contest competition ! All 17 years during which we had a child in the high school band , we did the chaperone trek to contest . Each year has a special story , like the year we stayed in a motel and the Dads , who had outdoor duty , " spotlighted " each rascal who tried to leave their room . Then there was the year the Moms spent thenight sitting in the halls outsidethe student rooms , because aftercurfew so many sweet girls kepttrying to leave their rooms . Oh , there was so much door - slamminggoing on ! As booster presidentthat year , I got to go from floorto floor checking out the action ! Pat Cochran I was at a national convention in Miami Beach and contests were being held by various state groups in attendance . Our delegates from Texas were discussing the contest we had planned and it was decided that we needed more prizes . I mentioned that I had brought some items with me just in case they were needed for that purpose . A man in the group volunteered to go to my room with me to bring the items down to the meeting room . When the two of us walked into my room , two maids were cleaning the room . Seeing a man and woman enter the room together , one of the maids spoke up and said , " Should we leave ? " I replied , " No , we just came up to pick up a few things . " The man with me turned the color of a beet . He later told me , " Do you know how what you said sounded ? " My story is very embarrassing but here goes . My husband and I were taking a trip with another couple and we stopped at a motel that was being renovated but still had some rooms . We got our rooms and we settled in for the night but my husband said he couldn 't sleep so we decided to take a swim in the indoor pool . On the way down the elevator stopped working and since it was late at night the desk couldn 't get someone out for a few hours . We assumed we would be there for the rest of the night so we decide to act like they do in the movies and take advantage of our confinement . Things were going great and we were totally nude when the door to the elevator suddenly opened and there stood the front desk person , our friends and the repairman and also all the construction workers who had just arrived . There must have been at least 20 people to witness us scrambling for our clothes and making a break for our room . We were laughing so hard we couldn 't hard even run for cover . debby Hmmm . . . . My story isn 't anything all that exciting , but at the time it was incredibly embarrassing . When my husband and I got married we spent our wedding night in a nice but small hotel suite ( out of town ) . The room was perfect . Naturally , being that we were on our honeymoon we spent a lot of time in the jacuzzi and even more time in the big king size bed . ; ) ; ) ; ) ; ) The one problem was that the whole time we were dtd the big headboard kept smacking loudly against the wall . ( I believe the hotel office was on the other side of the wall . ) I remember mentioning to dh how I wished it would stop banging , but we were too busy to worry about it too much so laughed it off and went on about our merry business . The next morning , however , when we went to check out the night clerk couldn 't help but grin at us the entire time . I couldn 't swear on it , but I 'm pretty sure we were banging the headboard loud enough that she 'd been able to listen to us all night long . LOL Talk about embarrassing . : P - Rebekahrebekah AT cox DOT net My moment was actually scary and funny ! On a business trip to New Jersey my boss and I found ourselves on the elevator at our hotel . When the doors opened , an elderly couple was trying to get on and the lady was having trouble getting her suitcase to roll into the elevator . Being a nice chivalrous guy , my boss reached down and tried to lift it over the edge . Immediately , the woamn attacked him and the husband started screaming and the whole thing got out of hand . In the middle of the tirade , the woman blurted out that just because they were from Iowa , they weren 't going to put up with being mugged in New Jersey . My boss immediately retorted that we were from South Dakota and we weren 't there to mug them at all ! ! ! ! By this time , I am rolling with laughter . The couple calmed down and like good midweterners then asked him where we were from in South Dakota because they had family in the eastern part of the state . By the time we each reached our floors , everyone was best of friends and went our separate ways to live another day ! Hello ! When I was a senior in high school , the German and French Clubs were sponsoring a trip to five countries in Europe ! You had to be enrolled in either German or French Class in order to be eligible to go . Several of my friend 's and I managed to get our parent 's permission and come Easter Vacation , we were off . We took off from an airport in Indiana and headed to JFK . We couldn 't land at JFK because of a snow storm , so we were directed to Laguardia Airport ! Then , we had to board a bus and take a trip backwards to the JFK Airport . Finally , we were able to board our KLM Airplane and take off to Amsterdam . In all , we saw five lovely countries : Holland , Germany , France , Switzerland and Belguim . While in Paris ; France , two friends and myself went for a short walk around Paris . Of course , we ended up getting very lost ! On one part of our walk , we ended up in the Red Light District and we got some really dirty looks . Finally , we found a French Police Department . One of my friends wouldn 't stop crying ! ! ! ! ! We entered the Police Dept . and there was a gorgeous French policeman . I was the oldest , so I took charge . I was talking so quickly ; speaking French and English , that he asked me to speak slowly because he only spoke a little English ! I found out that I could only speak a little French . He got us back to our little French Hotel and I will never forgot my memorable trip to Europe . Thanks , Cindijchoppes [ at ] hotmail [ dot ] com Hi there . My story wasen 't a fun experience at all . My husband had been offered to come to Dallas to interview with Southwestern Bell . So they brought us to town and put us up at the famous Adolphus hotel . It is a gorgeous hotel , as we didn 't know Dallas at all we ended up ordering Room service , I think that little meal for 2 was over 100 $ . The next day was my DH 's interview so I stayed at the hotel sleeping in and watching a little tv . About 12 : 30 the fire alarms went off . Our room was on the 14th floor . I just stayed in the room to see if it was a false alarm or what . Next thing I know people knocking on the door saying stay calm the hotel is on fire and you need to evacuate immediately . Well obviously we couldn 't use the elevators . I have MS and my walking was not very good and stairs were almost impossible for me to do . I 'm trying to slowing go down the stairs so I don 't fall all the way down them and people are yelling at me to hurry up ! ! I finally made it down the 14 floors and get outside , and immediately get yelled at by a policeman to get away from the building . Its Early August , with temps over 100 plus the humidity and I 'm sitting across the street on a stone ledge waiting for my husband to get out of his interview and get me out of the heat before I pass out . MS and any kind of heat just doesn 't work . Come to find out that it was only a small kitchen fire . My poor hubby had to walk back up the 14 flights of stairs to get our luggage and try to get our car out of the parking garage . Good thing is he did land an incredible job , but Dallas and heat didn 't suit me to well . I learned a valuable lesson though , don 't take a motel room that not on either the first or second floor ! Jen : ) Hi Charlene . = ) Here is my story . When my ex - husband / highschool , not so sweetheart and I split up , I left him with our girls . I also could not stand to be living in the same county as him . He had to much power over me by knowing my weaknesses for him to get what he wanted romantically . That did nothing good for me mentally . Anyways that is now all the back story to set you up for the Hotel one . Since I lived out of the county I had to drive a few hours to get my girls for visits . Some of my visits were spontaneous weekend visits . When I did those I got a hotel room for us to Slumber Party . The very first time I did this my youngest , Emilie was about 3 . When I showed the girls the room , Em was in heaven . She hurried all over checking and touching anything she could get her hands on . Then she asked me in her little pixie voice , " mama is this your new home ? " So that was why she was checking everything so enthralled with all it 's belongings . She was needing a mommy fix and that was the start of it . I thought it was the cutest thing . This was not a 5 star hotel . I could only afford something like a motel 6 and it was only one room with two beds . To her from her expression and the way she acted , this was the biggest and best adventure . We went out to dinner and again she referred to it as " my home " lol . After dinner and movie we went back to " my home " . We girls had so much fun jumping on the beds and having pillow fights . The room had a mini fridge so it was fun to open and close it to take one sip from our waters . Getting ice was the biggest blast and " Wow " we get to keep it in our room where we sleep ? So when I get the many guilt trips I give myself over not living with my girls , I tend to overcompensate with them . You know the usual . Buying them things and sometimes too much even if I can 't afford it or will be hurting financially later on . I need to stop and think about how happy they were just having time with me in some dumpy hotel room . We didn 't set a world record , or cure a disease those couple days , but my ki11 : 54 PM My husband and I where staying over night in a Charleston Hotel , our room had a king size bed . At home we have a full size bed , nice and cozy . The king size bed was to big for me . I keep waking up all night looking for my husband , he always seemed to far away . So I keep moving over closer , before morning I had pushed him out of bed . Theresa Nweceno ( at ) yahoo ( dot ) com Hi , at my sisters wedding , she just didn 't have enough room for all of us in the house , myself and my 3 little ones got a room at the closest hotel . That way we could swim and such as well . It turned into a great time as we made a tent in between the bedsinstead of sleeping in them . I didn 't have to clean the mess , so why should I care , right ! ! ! We ordered pizza and had a picnic by the pool with the wjole family and then had a late night swim . We even had the kids make us waffles at the breakfast bar the next morning . There were some construction guys there from New York , and they let my kids make theirs as well . . . LOL It was terrific ! ! ! ! What a great time ! ! ! ! ! ! Amy My husband and I recently went on a lovely cruise . I had won a cruise to Alaska ! So , anyway , we were enjoying the alone time . 7 days no kids or family , you know the drill . And so there we were when . . . . . . the door opens ! ! ! ! ! Yes , my husband forgot the privacy tag for the door . I NEVER saw a guy fly out of bed and hit the door so fast in my LIFE . LOL . I don 't know who was more embarrased , the guy coming to do our room or us . OOO YEAH ! ! I remember my friend working the front desk at a hotel in my old neighborhood , and how we snuck out for ice cream at Baskin Robbins ! Was that ever fun . I also remember being 10 years old and jumping up and down on the bed at a hotel , and having to go to the emergency room because I hit my head on the bedboard ! I was one crazy kid , that 's for sure ! ! majqa1966 @ yahoo . com Charlene I have never been stuck in an elevator but I am reading a book about 3 women stuck in 1 . I have never read any of your books , and I am wondering is there any ones that I should read 1st . I love finding new writers amd would love any suggestions on where to start . thanks . . Patty Well I have a hotel story but it was far from romantic . We went to Philadelphia to bring the kids to Sesame place , we were on the 20th floor of the hotel when the fire alarms went off . My kids were 2 & 5 at the time and the two year old was so scared he screamed the entire walk down the 20 flights of steps . He would only let me hold him and my daughter attached herself to my leg . When we hit the bottom and went to the street it was late so all the party types were on the streets . We had to stay out there for two hours until the firemen figured out that someone had pulled one of them . My elevator incident was kind of funny but not : ) we were at the hospital and the elevator went up two flights to the parking garage so my three kids decided that they wanted to go up the steps to see if they could beat us . They were 4 , 7 & 10 so I wasn 't too big on the idea but my mother said oh just let them . The elevator stops between floors for like 10 minutes and I ended up having an anxiety fit thinking that someone was either going to grab the kids or the kids were going to torture someone else . They ended up being scared that we didn 't come out and huddled themselves by the door . LOL Hi Charlene , We were checking into a hotel and when I opened the door , there was a man in our bed . We went back down and they had to call the room to find out who it was . Somehow they mixed everything up and got the rooms switched . I at I was going to say I had not terrible hotel experiences . . . but stopping to think back we 've had several that will definitely go down as h * llish hotel stories . Which one to relate . How about our Oz one for our first long weekend in Melbourne . I normally leave hotel reservations , car reservations , airline tickets . . . ( you get the idea ) to my dh . He was too busy with his new job and said if we wanted to go away for the long weekend it was my job to get the hotel . I did my research and decided where would be a great place to spend the night . Very excited , I called and made reservations , giving the pertinent information . I remember to print out the informtion before we leave on our trip down the Great Ocean Road ( fantastic . . not to be missed if you are in Melbourne and have a free day . ) Get to our hotel with two tired kidlets and try to check in . Notice the word try . I spell my name . . . I say look to see if they didn 't use my hyphenated form . NOTHING . The question was did we make a reservation at another time - like last year . Hmm . . no we were in the US last year . Still nothing . Remember this is a long weekend and hotel rooms are booked . The person finally figured out the person I spoke with a manager must have taken my reservation and NEVER entered into their computer system . They were kind enough to call all over time to find a room for us . At first it was just for two of us . . hmmm no , we have two kidlets in our car waiting very patiently to collapse in a hotel room . Yet another call to another hotel . On the good side we didn 't pay for our hotel stay . Last time I make reservations for our family . : ) Now dinner was another story but you didn 't ask about horror restaurant story . My husband and I were delivering a couple horses with my parents . After many hours on the road we arrived at our motel rooms and fell into our beds . Instantly fell into our beds and out like a light . Next morning we were shocked to find out we had been robbed thru the night . Someone had entered our room with a key . They took my husbands slacks , with all our funds , my purse , and truck keys . Luckily we were with my parents so we did have access to money . Real scary to think about what could have happened if we awoke while the robbery was in process . Hotel took all responsibility for robbery since keys were used for entry and we recouped all our losses . Still think about the experience every time I stay in a hotel or motel One time in a hotel suite , I was getting ready to take a bath . I filled up the tub and then I went get my Shampoo from the vanity . I had on earphones listening to music , in my robe , next thing I know the door opens and a guy enters in his boxer shorts , I can & amp ; amp ; amp ; # 39 ; t see a thing , since I did not have on my glasses , so I started screaming my head off , and I had no weapon but the shampoo so i squirted it in his eyes and kicked him stright in the middle . I ran for the door of the bathroom , while he is screaming too and calling me a crazy woman . Other people heard the noise and called security , who were there when I opened the room door . So I started frantically tell them there is some strange man in my room , they went to arrest him and when they came out with him I realised it was my fiancee . I could not believe it , we got connecting rooms but , he was supposed to arrived later in the evening so the door to my side was closed , and I was not expecting him to be in my room . When everthing was sorted out , it turned out that they gave him the same key for my room and not his room key , a mix up . Well I spent the next day babying him and making it up to him for the harm i did . We laughed it out later , but the whole incident was pretty scary . My hotel event starts out a few nights earlier when I was working at a Monte Carlo charity event - I was the treasurer and collected all the money . A friend invited this fellow down to meet my best friend . They didn 't hit it off but he and I did . A few of us went to Denny 's at 1 am and I left my money bag under the seat of his truck . The next morning ( Saturday ) he called to tell me I must have wanted him to call and that 's why I left the money ! I had to drive up to the next county to pick it up . The hotel comes in cause the next Monday we met at a local hotel that had a bar and dancing . He brought me roses and we spent the evening dancing ( which we did well together ) and getting to know each other . We ended up sitting by the pool area where he asked me to marry him ! We were married four months after we met and in November we will celebrate our 23rd anniversary . Another hotel story . . Our last night in Israel we were only going to use our hotel to freshen up . We had connecting rooms with our three kidlets . We were tired from a day of touring and had time to shower before we went to dinner and left for the airport . One of our kidlets went in the bathroom and all of a sudden we hear . . Mom ! Dad ! . . . Not a good sign . Poor kidlet went to the toilet and flushed . Instead of going down the water kept rising and rising . Needless to say we called the front desk and they came up to fix the toilet . All for use of a room for less than an hour . The hotel my husband and I stay in once is back in Germany we stay over night . It was very scary because just after we got into bed and turn the light out , the light kept coming on I got up and walk to the door to turn it off again and before I got to the door the light would turn off by itself . This kept on and on for a good hour and a half . The light came on then off again , we thought there was a ghost in there with us ! I was getting more and more scared my husband said try and go to sleep we have to get up early in the morning . At long last I went to sleep . In the morning before we left to go I made up the bed and here on the headboard was a light switch our pillows kept hitting it on and off that night we sure felt silly ! Penney Hello , This occurred while I was a student in Moscow . My boyfriend was one of the British students and they were having a get together at their hotel . We were all acting casual and having no problem getting in until me of course . The concierge decided to be a prick and grabbed me as I was getting on the elevator . . . my boyfriend got him off me but when we got to the room I noticed my watch was gone . My boyfriend when back down and " persuaded " the concierge it was in his best interest to return the watch ( which he did eventually with a broken crystal ) . All these romantic stories and mine is more pitiful and / or funny depending on your point of view . Our last night in Charleston SC and I was upset because we changed hotels . I took my medicine , including a sleeping pill and went to sleep . No one else could sleep because they claim I was snoring so loud . My husband woke me and had use nose spray . The boys wouldn 't tell me and even denied it when my husband told me . While dating my current partner , we checked into a hotel . Following dinner we went back to the room with romantic ideas in mind . While right in the middle of our most intimate moment , a key went into the lock and a repair man walked in with a ladder . He stopped dead and tried graciously to back out . We talk about that incident to this day ! I was hyterical with laughter and that put an end to any romance ! I was in Mexico City with my sister and her husband . Our hotel was very expensive , so we switched to a cheaper hotel . That night , all the power in the area went off - - except at the hotel we had just left ! They had their own generators . We were on the 12th floor and had to walk up and down 12 flights to go to dinner . Everyone had left their faucets turned on because the water was off as well as electricity . When the power came on the next day , the poor hotel staff had to run to every room throughout the hotel , turning off faucets as the floors were being flooded . No one was in their rooms because everyone was out touring the city . This was Murphy 's Law for sure . I guess you get what you pay for . We booked a moderately priced hotel in NYC on the recommendation of a co - worker . The hotel room turned out to be a dump . The 2 - bed suite was a bed and a sofa bed . You couldn 't open the closet door because the bed was crammed in front of it . You could only use one of the 4 chairs at the dinette table because the table was wedged between the sofa and the TV . To go from one room to the other you had to go through the bathroom , so if someone was in the bathroom you were stuck for a while . The advertised kitchenette turned out to be a mini - refrig with a hot plate that was missing a plug . The dishes were an assortment of mixed up plates and glasses that were handed to us at the lobby desk . It was quite an interesting experience ! The only hotel story that I have is the fact that since the introduction of electronic key cards I have been unable to go to an hotel alone . The reason ? I cause a static charge on the key card that wipes it and makes it unusable . Luckily I have a very handy ( and gorgeous ) husband who is more then willing to hold on to the key for our occasional hotel visits : D Hotels ! I worked in one for 27 years . I have a few stories some I prefer not to repeat . LOL One of my favorite memories is about my own befuddlement . I worked for the hotel for about 5 years in the accounting office , and I was lucky enough to get to work different areas to ensure a better billing system . One afternoon I was at the front desk when a gentleman came to the desk to ask where a certain meeting room was located . After I gave him detailed ( way to many ) directions and stared at him like a deer in headlights , he said thank you and walked away to the elevator . I finally took a breath and stuttered to my co workers that that was Tim Conway ! How cool was that ! I blew my chance for an autograph , but after thinking about , I thought maybe he was happy not be asked . I 'll never know because after doing a tongue tangle of the directions , I couldn 't have asked without being a complete idiot . LOL Back in 1997 my mother and I took my nephew , 7 , on a trip to Eugene OR to pick up a puppy . We left Arizona about 2 in the afternoon . We got to Zion park about 10 . 00 that night . My mother and I when we traveled we just drive until we can 't any more . We made Ontirio Idaho about 7 the next evening . All this time Robby had been playing with his tooth and it came out . We had Rob put the tooth under his pillow . I don 't know what we were thinking , maybe the toothfairy would come ? ? While mom took her shower Rob woke up and looked under his pillow and there was his tooth . Talk about feeling bad . We had him take a shower and we placed five dollars under the pillow . He came out and we told him that maybe he should look again . Sure enough the tooth fairy left five dollars . He took the bill and looked at us . He said , I know it was you guys . Later that day we got to Eugene and went to the motel . Robby ran out of the room and said , " This is just like the other motel ! " He was so surpised . Robby is now almost nineteen and he still remembers those motels . Three friends and I often go off to a church sponsored singles conference . We share a room to cut down costs . Once while getting reading the evening dance , one of us saw a roach and screamed . We all screamed and ran into the bathroom and shut the door . We stood there in that small bathroom , breathing the pants of those running for their lives , when we suddenly looked at each other and realized how silly we were . We laughed - and laughed - and laughed until we cried . We then went out and killed that ferocious roach ! I husband and I went to vegas to watch a friend get married . When we got there the first thing we did was go to our room and have some alone time . But sadly ththe head board was not secured to the wall very well and made and awful racket . It wasn 't to embaressed until I found out there was little one kids in the next room . I made me think of what the guy at the gondola ride said . You don 't see anyone taking hookers to Disney land now why would you bring children to Vegas . I can of had to agree not really a place for children , with all the gambling , drinking , and strange flyers they give out on the strip . Rebekah E . My sister inspected a certain , upscale hotel chain - she has some great stories . One in particular still makes me laugh . During training , inspectors are told to show no expressions during the inspections . My sister was inspecting a hotel and looked under the bed . There was a blow - up doll under the bed and she thought it was a body . She screamed and fell backwards and the manager came running over and determined it was not a body . She laughs about it now , but it really freaked her out at the time ! I used to work for a really small upscale hotel in downtown Boise . As it happens , the 2005 Jaialdi International Basque Festival had announced that it would be held in Boise , and we were booked up incredibly fast . One day one of the maids came up to me , totally embarrassed because of an accidental meeting with a mail guest . She 'd been cleaning his room , and had seen a bag underneath the bed . Not knowing if it was his , and he had purposefully put it there , she picked it up and set it on the bed . The man opened his door , and started screaming that she was going through his things . After I 'd talked to her , I confronted the man , wanting to hear his side of the story . Anyways , we got it cleared up . I was talking to the maid , and asked her why he would be so mad that she had picked up his bag . " It was his toiletry bag . And it was crammed with extra small sized condoms . " I laughed so hard I cried . Strange things can happen in hotels . . . When I turned 21 , my friends thought they 'd be sweet and get me a room at the hotel they had surprised me with a birthday party at , so I wouldn 't have to worry about drinking . It was a wonderful party , and after way too many drinks , I was making my way to my room , which was on the fifth floor , so I took the elevator . Mind you I hate small places , and elevators are not big . So , add being more than a little tipsy and you can imagine how freaked I got when the elevator got stuck between the 2nd and 3rd floors . The consolation ? The very hot off - duty Fireman who was trying to get me out and ended up stuck in there with me for an hour . I 'll leave the rest of the details up to your imagination . . In the early 8o 's ( before we had children ) we decided to go X - Country skiing in Cable , Wisconsin ( way up by the Upper MI border . We put down a $ 20 deposit spent a week in Rice Lake where my husband filled in for someone . We headed north to Cable only it was 50 * below zero with the wind chill ! We drove to the motel only to find that it was a hunting barracks type cabin with bunkbeds and a bathroom down the hall ! ! We left and started searching for a new place . Found a big mansion type house - bed & breakfast , went in only to discover they had DEAD stuffed animals everywhere , the rooms were all themed after movies , there was a spooky looking little old lady proprietor , PLUS we were the only ones there ! ! We literally high tailed out of there ! ! All we could think of was the movie PSYCHO ! ! While at a hotel ballroom , I was attending my best friend wedding . I was sitting at my table alone , when her brother came up to me and asked me to dance . Here I am a little embrassed because I did not know how to dance , this was why I sitting at the table alone , 2 left feet and all ( lol ) and he has known me for many years . So he ended up just joining me for a drink . A little while later he took my hand an lead me out to the balcony and told me he would teach me . I started to laugh because , I know I will just step on his foot , plus I aways had a crush on him so I hoped it did not show . So he just went slow , and started with a waltz , a few mistakes made but I began to dance a little . Well the faster dances I was terrible at so we just stuck to the waltz . We danced for about an hour as most of the music played was slow . I had such fun and I can honestly say he unknowingly stole my heart with his patience and tenderness , I was just going to thank him when all of a sudden he kissed me . And what a kiss , I stood there in shock then I kissed him back . When he pulled away , I thought I was i heaven . He told me that he was a little reserved because I was his sisters friend , but when he saw me in my dress and the room , I made him breathless , so he worked up the nerve to kiss me . He later asked me out the next day on a first date . I agreed and we continued seeing each other till he proposed to me . We just celebrated our first wedding anniversary on the 25th of August this year . When my husband and I got married we could only afford a little trip to Wisconsin Dells for our honeymoon . We picked out a hotel and were super excited ! We got there and it was a disaster . It was in a dark , dank , wooded area and the room was so small that we had to stand on the bed to get in and out of the door . It was ridiculous . So we went back to the desk and they moved us to another room in a different section of the hotel : the main multi - floor building . The room was much nicer but then we discovered that there were black beatles on the ceiling and they would crawl right to the area over our heads . We were terrified that 's where they would decide to drop down so we were constantly taking the phone book and jumping up from the bed with it to smash the beatles on the ceiling . We had to do this repeatedly throughout our entire stay . It was not the most romantic stay . doot65 { at } comcast [ dot ] netElizabeth we stayed at a local hotel on St Pete Beach for our wedding night . We had a flight to Costa Rica the next day . Anyhow , our shower didn 't work in our hotel room . When we called about it , late at night , a security guard came to our room to try to help fix it , what a wedding night ! thanks . We were leaving the casino and taking the elevator up to our room , a group of laughing young people joined us one guy looked at my husband and said " How are you tonight Sir ? " my husband said " Fine how about you ? " the guy replied " I 'm a little bit drunk ! " then he just dropped to the floor . A true romantic at heart , I love happy endings . I been known to cry at sappy commercials , so a real good romance really moves me . Bring on the tissue box and give me a happy ending ! Be sure to visit me at www . charlenesands . com |
It had seemed like an ideal situation : reasonable rent , near the campus , well - furnished . It had only a few drawbacks , including a relative lack of privacy , since it was just a room in some lady 's house , and the fact that the lady seemed a bit odd . She was in her late fifties , he thought , and there wasn 't anything he could put his finger on , but her whole attitude seemed just a little off - kilter , as though she was concerned about things most people quietly ignored . Near the end of his first visit , for example , she had asked , out of the blue and suspiciously , if he wet the bed . Shocked and a little insulted , he stammered a denial . But she 'd just looked at him , as though she didn 't quite believe him . And she 'd said that she wouldn 't rent to a bedwetter , and she showed him a clause in the lease to prove it . He wasn 't worried , as he 'd never wet his bed that he could remember , but he certainly thought it strange . Everything else about the room , he decided , however , was pretty good , and with such a housing shortage in this small college town , he was happy to find an opening on such short notice . The deal included no meals , although he was invited to cook for himself , and he agreed to some nominal chores around the house . As he signed the lease , he thought about the upcoming year , hoping it would be everything he 'd expected . Even into the second week of classes his decision seemed wise . No one other than the lady lived there , and since he spent most of his time at class or in his room , he didn 't run into the lady too much . She didn 't work outside the home , but she apparently had an odd schedule . He never knew when she might be home , but this didn 't bother him . He was happy for a quiet place to live and study . One day near the end of the second week he came home from classes to find her in his bedroom , pulling the sheets off of his bed . He knocked quietly on the open door to let her know he was there . " I didn 't know laundry service was included , " he said , putting his books on a chair . She whirled around to face him . He stepped back , a bit alarmed at her sudden movement . " I thought you said you weren 't a bedwetter , " she snapped . " Look at these sheets . What do you call that ? " She held up a sopping wet sheet . He moved closer , not accepting her accusation . But as he leaned over he could see that , yes , there was certainly a large yellowish stain that smelled of urine . While he tried to recall having wet the bed the previous night , she kept talking . " Do you have any idea how much a mattress costs ? " she asked rhetorically . " I should have known : you * look * like a bedwetter , that 's what the neighbors said . I should never have let you stay here . Oh , dear ! I hope the waterproofing held ! " She pulled back the wet sheet to reveal the mattress , which , indeed , was not wet . " Oh , thank goodness . It held this time . " She turned back to him . " What have you got to say for yourself ? " " I . . . I . . . don 't remember doing that , " he murmured , intensely embarrassed about the whole incident and the fuss she was making . He had racked his brain , but could not remember anything about it . Yet he could hardly deny those sheets ; he couldn 't explain it other than that he must have blocked it out of his memory . " But I 'm really sorry . " " Don 't forget that this was a condition of the lease ! " she told him , shaking her finger . " I should throw you out of here right now . But I 'll give you a choice , " she said , appearing to calm down . She rolled the sheet up and set it on the floor by the door , then sat on the bed . " There are two ways to resolve this . Once , you pack up and get out right this minute . But the problem with that is that you 'll have trouble getting another room with the poor referral I 'll have to give you . In this small town , leaving my house might very well be the same as leaving college ; I can 't think of any openings at all , much less for a bedwetter . No one wants to open their home up to that kind of abuse . " He started to panic as he realized she was probably right . It had been luck , he thought , to stumble on this nice place . Since the college had underestimated acceptances , the dorms were full and every house in town was occupied . What could he do ? This made him slightly uncomfortable . Again he thought , she sure is weird . But he didn 't really have much of a choice . He at least had to hear her out . She paused . " Good . Then you 'll see the wisdom in wearing some protection . You see , we could protect the bed itself with a plastic or rubber sheet , but then we still have the sheets with which to deal . No , this is really the only way . " He didn 't have any idea what she was talking about . Protection ? At first he 'd thought she 'd meant wearing a condom , but that didn 't seem to make sense . . . When he didn 't say anything , she continued . " It 'll only be when you sleep in your bed , of course , and you might find it embarrassing , but you could also see it as very appropriate to use an infantile solution for an infantile problem , " she rambled on , and he began to get the picture . She saw a look of horror pass over his face , and knew he 'd caught on . She nodded , her face serious as stone . " Yes . It 's your choice : you can wear diapers to bed , or you can try to find another landlord 's bed to soil . You pick . " He stared at the floor , stunned at her absurd proposal . Would she really toss him out ? A quick glance at her face was enough to convince him that she would , probably in a heartbeat . And then what would he do ? He hardly knew this small town . . . " Forever , of course , " she said . And then quickly , " While you 're in * this * house , I mean . You think about it , but if you 're still here tonight , I 'll take that as an agreement to stay . In that case , come tell me when you 're ready to go to bed , and we 'll get you all set up . " She smiled and stood , then turned back before she felt . " Otherwise , feel free to use my yellow pages to book a hotel room , which is probably all you could find . Don 't really know what you 'd do with your stuff , though . Well , that 's not my problem . Either way , get those smelly wet sheets in the washer immediately , or all bets are off and I confiscate your deposit . " She left . He spent a little while sitting in silence as he stared at the bed . How could he live with himself for doing such a silly thing ? It was embarrassing enough to have wet the bed , but then to be caught and have to be diapered was even worse . How grown - up he 'd thought he was coming to college ! And then this , the most infantile , embarrassing thing that had ever happened to him . But what choice did he have now ? He 'd paid rent for this month , and he hardly had cash to be throwing around , even if he could find another place that would allow a " bedwetter , " since it appeared that this was what he was . No , he 'd have to sleep in this bed for a while , at least until the end of the month , when his rent was due . Perhaps by then he could find another place . He washed his sheets , the whole time trying in vain to remember when he 'd wet his bed . He must have repressed it , he thought . And the whole thing must have been due to the stress of starting college . Damnedest luck , though , to start wetting his bed now , in this woman 's house , of all places . Now he had to go through this embarrassing ordeal . " Right , " he murmured , blushing . She disappeared into her bedroom , and he heard the sound of a package being ripped open . She returned not long thereafter carrying a large , white , disposable diaper , which she extended to him and which he hesitantly took . She indicated the bathroom , saying , " You may change in there ; for now we 'll see how you do by yourself . I 've left some baby powder by the sink for your comfort , and I 'd advise you to use it , since it can get pretty hot under the plastic of your diaper . I 'll also tell you now that I 've left some baby wipes for your use in the morning if you should need them . One more thing : be sure to use the toilet before you put the diaper on . For reasons which will become obvious , you won 't be able to use the toilet again until the morning . Come out when you 've finished and we 'll take it from there . And just yell if you need help in there , " she said , smiling . He turned without saying a word , since he could think of nothing appropriate to say . He entered the bathroom and locked the door behind him , immediately setting down his diaper and then eading for and using the toilet . What was that all about , he wondered as he urinated . Bathroom " restriction " hadn 't been part of the bargain . He could understand the necessity of the diaper , but how did it help for him not to use the bathroom ? He 'd obviously have to ask about that in a minute . He returned to the sink near the door , picked up his diaper , and briefly considered using the powder before he rejected this idea . It smelled like babies , and he didn 't want to be reminded of how infantile this whole thing was every time he took a breath . So next he took off his shoes , undid and removed his jeans , and pulled his boxers down and off . He was ready , he guessed . He stared at the diaper on the sink counter , then picked it up and tried to discern how it was supposed to be put on . He hadn 't ever babysat , had no younger siblings , and couldn 't remember his own diaper usage from his childhood , so he was working entirely from scratch . He opened it up , correctly surmised the purpose of the tapes , but saw that the tapes could be fastened either in the front or the back . He tried to slip it through his legs as he stood there in front of the mirror , but , he had no luck . It was only once he 'd sat down on it that he realized the tapes had to fasten in front for him to put it on himself at all , since he couldn 't reach the back like that . He actually managed to get it on properly , and after he stood up , he readjusted the tapes so the diaper wouldn 't slide back down his legs . He looked at himself in the mirror now , standing there in his t - shirt and diaper , and was so embarrassed for having to go through this . Imagine him , having wet his bed ! He wouldn 't have believed it had he not seen the spot on the sheets . Facing this " solution " was far harder than any of his classes . He put his pants back on , not wanting her to see him like this . It was bad enough she 'd know he was wearing the diaper at all . He gathered his shoes and underwear and walked to the bathroom door , hearing for the first time the rustle of the plastic of the diaper under his jeans . It made him cringe . When he reentered the hallway , she was waiting right where he 'd left her , and her expression as he approached seemed odd . Her eyes gleamed , and her face radiated happiness , as if she actually enjoyed seeing him in a diaper . Well , he thought , she is protecting her mattress and keeping a tenant ; she ought to be somewhat satisfied . " Not yet , " she told him cheerfully . " First I need you to take those silly pants off and let me see just how well you did with the diaper . It doesn 't help at all if it 's not on properly , " she explained as he stared at her incredulously . " Not too bad , for your first time . It 'll get easier , I 'm sure . You 'll be allowed to continue diapering yourself for now , unless I notice you having any difficulty with the job . " He couldn 't imagine her putting his diaper on for him ; it was bad enough that he had to do it at all . " But they 're totally necessary , " she said . " All diapers leak , especially at night , and then all of our efforts will be for nothing . Come on , you 're already wearing the diaper ; these are hardly any worse . " He sighed and stepped into the legs of the plastic pants , which she expertly tugged up his legs . " Wait , " he protested . " They don 't fit . They 're way too tight . " " No , no , " she said , snapping the waistband up above his diaper . " That 's how they prevent leaks . " She spun him around to inspect the rear . He felt a slight tug at the waistband , but didn 't suspect anything unusual until he heard the distinct clicking of a lock snapping shut . " Don 't worry , " she cooed to him . " It 's just a little lock . I have to know you won 't take all of this off during the night . You might not even mean to , but things could get dislodged as you toss and turn in your sleep , and my mattress could end up getting wet . You wouldn 't want that , would you ? " He tested the waist of the plastic pants . It was not uncomfortably tight , but would not give at all . " Well , no , of course not , " he said uncertainly . This was more than he 'd bargained for , but what could he do ? " This is why I made sure you used the bathroom . I didn 't want to surprise you , you see . Of course , if you still need to go during the night , it wouldn 't be unheard - of actually to use these things ; that 's what they were meant for . " Now , they shouldn 't be uncomfortable , just a little inconvenient , but I have to be able to keep an eye on my little bedwetter , don 't I ? I have the key , of course , and in the morning I 'll be more than willing to unlock you so you can get ready for school . And don 't worry , you 'll get used to all this ; in a couple of weeks , it 'll all be second nature to come to me each night for a fresh diaper and your plastic panties . It may seem odd now , but it all makes perfect sense , and you 'll get used to it . He stood there in the hall for a moment , trying to absorb his present situation , but he couldn 't . He wandered back in to the bathroom , noting that the crinkly sound from the diaper was slightly muted now , and he stared at himself again in the mirror . Now he stared at the balloon - like plastic pants he wore , the white tranlucent material still affording him a view of his diaper . He could see the lock on the back now , but couldn 't reach it , nor did he have the key . He wondered where it was , but only idly , since he guessed that letting himself out would be construed as bad faith , and he would be tossed out the door . Indeed , the only shred of dignity to which he clung was the fact that he had managed to keep himself off the street tonight . Ah , well . His ego would heal itself in time , and this was only a very temporary situation . He headed back to his bedroom , and thought wryly about her invitation to use the diaper for its intended purpose . Right . How embarrassing would that be , to face her in the morning not only in a diaper but in a * used * diaper ? He couldn 't be * paid * to submit himself to such humiliation . And how comfortable could it be ? So although he was a little worried about his nightly habit of using the toilet in the middle of the night , he still resolved not to use his diaper . He 'd simply have to train himself out of that habit for a while . He wasn 't surprised to find that he didn 't sleep too well that night . The diaper and plastic pants were too new and strange as sensations : bulky yet tight , and warmer than he 'd expected . He saw , by the morning , why the powder had been recommended . And he really ended up missing his midnight bathroom trip . By the time his alarm went off in the morning his bladder felt very full , and he eagerly sought out the lady , who was in the kitchen , to unlock him . She did so , and had him remove his plastic pants and give them to her before giving him leave to run to the bathroom . As he struggled out of his plastic pants , she glanced at the indicator strip on the diaper . " Didn 't use it ? You might as well , you know : you 'd never be able to tell yourself , it 's such a good diaper these days . And think how much more comfortable you 'd be during the night , especially toward morning . Anyway , you 're free to change yourself now . Just bring me the diaper when you 're through , and I 'll show you what to do with it . " He half - grunted a reply as he dashed off to the bathroom , where he quickly ripped off the diaper and relieved himself in the toilet . He also had his morning bowel movement , an event so regular it had been a joke at home throughout his life . Every morning , without fail , sometimes before , often during , and if not , then immediately after breakfast each and every morning . His family at homne had literally set their clocks by it . " You let me worry about that , " she chided . " I don 't like my boys to wear the same diaper two nights in a row , regardless of whether or not they used it . It just isn 't right . " He was late for classes , so he just shrugged and left . On his way to campus , though , he wondered about her comment . " Her boys ? " What did that mean ? There wasn 't anyone else in that house , he knew . She must have had some sons when she was younger . Great , he thought . I get to be lumped in with diaper - wearing toddlers just because I wet the bed . That night went much the same as the previous night : he went to her when he was ready for bed , he received a diaper , went into the bathroom and peed . This night , though , he put a small amount of the baby powder on his inner thighs to cut down on the sweating he did the night before , and was surprised to experience a flood of remote feelings from his childhood return as he inhaled that infantile perfume . Weird , he thought . He managed to put the diaper on a little more quickly tonight , then went out into the hall to have the diaper adjusted and to have his plastic pants put on and locked . Tonight she complimented him on how nice he smelled , causing him to blush ; apparently the powder brought back memories for her as well , he thought . She wished him good night and he went to bed . Again he had trouble sleeping , although he had to admit the powder helped . But his bladder was so uncomfortable as the night went on , and he tossed and turned as morning approached . When she unlocked him that morning , her comments returned to the subject of using the diaper . " I don 't understand why you don 't just use the diaper instead of being uncomfortable . It doesn 't matter , since we always throw the diaper away anyway , no matter whether you use it or not . Yes , I want to see your diaper in the morning as you dispose of it , but * I * certainly don 't care whether it 's used or not . Oh , well , no sense arguing : it 's * you * that 's uncomfortable . " After a week of wearing the diapers at night , he began to get more comfortable with them , managing to sleep fairly well , at least in the beginning of the night . He 'd used more and more powder each night , as he discovered how nice it felt , and he began not to notice the smell as much . He was even starting to retrain his body not to need the midnight bathroom trip anymore , mostly by restricting fluids after dinner . That way , he wasn 't tempted to use the diaper , and he felt slightly less embarrassed about his diaper - wearing that way . He noted the fact that he hadn 't wet the bed since that one night , which reinmaked his impression that it must have been a fluke . On Friday of that week , he was invited to a party on campus by several of his second - year classmates . He was happy about this opportunity to get his social life in gear , and about the prospect of drinking , which he had done only sporadically in high school and in minimal amounts . He politely informed his landlord , who simply asked him to keep things quiet upon his return that night . She told him to wake her , if she was asleep , for his diaper ; she didn 't mind , she said . So he went off and happily found that beer was readily accessible in the fraternities , even to underage guys like himself . His inexperience , however , led to the consumption of a bit too much alcohol , and after several beers , he couldn 't remember why drinking so much was a bad idea . He walked home at one , and was surprised to find the lady still up , reading . He was afraid she 'd make a big deal about smelling like beer , but she said nothing , handing him his diaper as usual . His foremost thought , as he went through the motions of peeing and then putting his diaper on , was that he 'd gotten too buzzed . Not being an experienced drinker , he was nervous about having a hangover tomorrow ; he 'd asked a friend how to prevent post - party headaches , and the friend had advised him to replace fluids , since dehydration led to many of the hangover symptoms . So once he had his diaper on , he drank deeply from the bathroom tap , until he was satisfied that he 'd done all that he could . The lady smiled as she handed him his plastic pants , but she still didn 't say anything . She 'd smelled the beer , and heard the water , and she suspected that tonight would be a special night for him . But he still hadn 't figured out why the beer and water might have been a bad idea . When he awoke at about three , however , his bladder ready to burst , he quickly realized his mistake . It was actually painful , and much as he tried , he couldn 't drift off back to sleep again . Fully awake , he thought about what he could do about his problem . He could try to hold out until morning , which seemed impossible at this moment . He could wake up the lady and beg for use of the bathroom , but considering all of her urging to use the diaper , he ( correctly ) thought that she wouldn 't be pleased to be awakened for such a reason . No , he knew his fate was decided , and his face burned with embarrassment even thinking about it . For the first time since he was a baby , he was going to have to " use " a diaper . The pain convinced him to do it sooner rather than later , so he took a deep breath and pushed his diaphragm down , making the urine in his bladder out his urethra into the waiting diaper . He felt a warmth spread between his legs , and was surprised when it didn 't really feel that bad . It spread through his whole diaper area , to his bottom and to the front . Before he knew it , the pain was gone , and the warmth sent him drifting back to sleep . . . He woke up at eight thirty that morning , his bladder once again full . By this time , however , his diaper * was * not feeling very comfortable , now being rather cold and damp . He gingerly got out of bed , noting thankfully that the plastic pants had done their job . He felt the wet disposable diaper cling to his skin , and he made his way as quickly as possible to the kitchen , where he knew he 'd find the lady . She was indeed there , and as she caught sight of him waddling in with a saggy , boggy diaper , she let out what was apparently a shriek of joy . He suddenly regained his self - consciousness , which had been momentarily suppressed by his discomfort . He realized he was there in front of her with a visibly wet diaper ! How embarrassing . And she was anything but discrete about it . " Well , well , " she chirped happily . " Finally getting some good use out of those , I see . Glad to know I 'm not wasting my time and money . Wow , and a thorough job , too , she said as she unlocked him . " It 's not that bad , is it ? Well , congratulations . " He said nothing , but scurried away to the bathroom to make himself more comfortable . He could think of nothing but his embarrassment at having been seen in a wet diaper . It took some courage after he had showered and dressed to return to the kitchen for breakfast . But he discovered , when he did , that she had prepared a huge meal for him , the first time she had ever done such a thing . He was surprised and pleased , but felt sheepish about handing over his heavy wet diaper to her . He was also embarrassed to have to ask his next question : But she sang , " Oh , never mind them . Just leave them in the bathroom and I 'll make sure they 're cleaned . Don 't give them another thought : it 's not at all a big deal . " That night , of course , he did not wet his diaper , and the next day she hardly spoke to him at all . The difference in her attitude was obvious , and he thought it odd . She clearly wanted him to wet his diaper at night , but * why * would she want that ? The best answer that he could come up with , considering her frugal nature , was that if he wet at night , then she wasn 't " wasting " her money on diapers that weren 't used . He had to admit that as weird as she was , he did like her , and he certainly did appreciate her help with chores , which left him more time to study and relax . So . . . what would be the harm in indulging her a little ? She 'd already seen him in a wet diaper , and she didn 't mind . Plus , without his midnight bathroom break he did get uncomfortable toward morning . Why not take advantage ? He therefore began presenting a wet diaper to the lady every morning , and every morning she would coo and fuss , and that evening he 'd have a good dinner and help with favors and chores . This went on for several weeks , and just as wetting a diaper every night seemed more and more routine , so , too , did he forget about finding a new place to live . She made the rest of his life so pleasant that he almost didn 't mind the weird diaper thing , which to him grew less and less weird as time went on . He got to where he wouldn 't even pause before peeing in his diaper if he woke during the night , and even found himself thankful for the diaper , since he didn 't have to get out of bed to use the bathroom . One morning , after he 'd been wearing diapers at night for a month , he woke up with a modestly wet diaper , and sleepily went off looking for the lady to unlock him . When he couldn 't find her in the kitchen or den , he stumbled back to her bedroom , where the door was shut . He knocked on the door , but there was no answer . He wandered out into the living room and wondered what to do , and his eye drifted outside to the empty space in her driveway . For now , though , he was annoyed at having to rearrange his morning routine , since he couldn 't shower right away like he usually did . And he had to pee . Luckily , * that * wasn 't a problem , though , he smiled to himself as he released his urine into his damp diaper . It warmed comfortably , and he didn 't notice himself enjoying the feeling . The diaper was now sagging pretty seriously , though , and he suspected that it might be close to its saturation point . He hoped she came home soon . Deciding he needed to do something productive or he would be late for class , he sat down in his wet diaper and ate a bowl of cereal , consciously missing a cooked meal . As he ate he thought about the day ahead . It was an important day for one of his classes , a seminar that started at nine and lasted all morning . Today they would receive midterm paper topics and exam instructions for the midterm test in a couple weeks . He couldn 't miss today . He finished his cereal and , since there was still no sign of her , began to worry in earnest . He had to get to class ! And soon , he knew , he 'd have another big problem . His morning bowel movement , regular as clockwork , often hit him with an urge that was strong enough to make him run to the bathroom in the middle of breakfast ( a fact that had not gone unnoticed by the landlady ) . The idea of using his diaper for that revolted him . and this was a possibility he did not want to face . He knew such a thing had to smell horrendously , be very uncomfortable , and be far too embarrassing to let * her * see or smell . No , that was a bridge he couldn 't , and wouldn 't , cross , today or ever . He got up and went back into the living room , staring out the picture window toward the street , wishing her home . Suddenly that urge hit . And true to form , it hit hard . He looked around , panicked . He tugged at his chained waist . And then he knew . He was going to have an accident . Only he wasn 't sure if it could be called an " accident " if he was wearing a diaper . He shuddered at the thought . The urge got worse . He 'd never tried waiting and seeing if it went away ; he wondered if it would . But it didn 't now . It worsened until he had to concentrate on * not * relieving his bowels . He wondered again what a messy diaper would feel like . For how long could he last , after all ? Not four hours like this ! He wouldn 't even be able to walk to class like this . And it worsened still . He managed to walk slowly back to the lady 's bedroom . Surely she 'd forgive him if he found the key to his panties and unlocked himself just this once . He tried the door , but it was locked . And heavy : he couldn 't break it down even if he had wanted to . , He didn 't want to try , though , for he had a hunch that so much effort might very well make him fill his diaper . His watch said eight forty - five now . This was terrible . He 'd never felt as uncomfortable and miserable as he did now . He looked for her car again . No luck . The feeling hadn 't eased a bit . It was no use , he knew . A little voice in his head , which sounded suspiciously like the lady 's , told him to do the logical thing and mess his diaper . It was a diaper , after all . Another voice chimed in that the lady wouldn 't mind if he did ; she was odd enough that she would probably even like it , and who knew what she 'd cook for him then ? In response he allowed himself the small luxury of relaxing his sphincter just a little to see what it felt like , and before he could stop what was happening ( he realized it was all over now ) his bowel movement pushed its way out into his diaper . The first moments felt heavenly , he thought , as the pressure inside was released , but then as he felt the mess collect and push itself around in the seat of his diaper , felt his diaper fill and pull slightly , felt the warm mushy heat surround his buttocks , it started to dawn on him what he had just done . He 'd just deliberately messed his diaper . And now that the initial relief had passed , he began to be utterly disgusted with the sensations from within the diaper . How could he have done such a thing ? A wave of horror washed over him as he realized that he still * had * to go to class , and that now he would have to walk around , talk to classmates and professors , and sit in this sopping , messy diaper he 'd created . What if someone saw it ? Smelled it ? Heard it ? And sitting in it for several hours was not something he looked forward to . He cursed , loudly and repeatedly , but that didn 't help much . And he had to leave right away , or he 'd be late , on top of everything else . Walking in late , with everyone 's attention on him , was just the initial impression he didn 't want to make , so he tried to hurry . He waddled into his room , feeling his diaper 's load shift with every step . As he put his jeans on and bent over to pull them up , his BM smoothly spread itself out over his cheeks and between his legs . He grimaced , knowing that this feeling was only the beginning . He finished dressing and waddled to class as normally and as quickly as he could . He was not late , but was not early enough that he felt obligated to talk to anyone . He just chose a seat in the back , and silently endured the three hour seminar , trying not to move or draw attention to himself . He was miserable and humiliated as he counted the minutes to the end of class . He nearly cried twice . At the end , he sprinted from the class back home , ignoring the discomfort this caused him , just wanting to get home and changed as soon as possible . She was making lunch when he waddled in silently . He needed to be unlocked , but he was so angry and embarrassed about his condition that he didn 't know how to start a conversation . She heard him enter , though , and greeted him . A moment later she sniffed the air and asked if he smelled anything strange . He nodded slightly and looked away . That maternal action muddled up his emotions , and he inadvertantly released his frustration in a flood of tears . " Where * were * you this morning ? " he choked . He was pissed off at himself for crying , but couldn 't help it . The day had been so bad . She sat him down and pulled him close . " Oh , my little boy , it 's alright . I 'm here now . What happened this morning ? Did you have a little accident ? " " It 's okay . Everybody has accidents , and everybody has a messy diaper once in a while . It 's no big deal . I 'm here now . It 's alright . " She kept cooing to him and stroking his hair until he stopped crying . " Is it uncomfortable ? " she asked sympathetically . He nodded . " And smelly ? " He nodded again , aware that he had regressed for a few minutes , but feeling that it was appropriate under these circumstances . It felt so nice to be cared for . " But you don 't need to be embarrassed , okay ? Because everybody has dirty diapers once in a while , right ? Okay . Don 't worry about it . Let 's just get you changed , okay ? " " Fine . As you know , the wipes are in the bathroom . Use as many as you need to to get yourself clean . And be thorough , okay ? Messes can lead to a rash pretty quickly . " He nodded , embarrassed . " And just bring me your diaper and your baby pants afterward . Now let 's get you unlocked . I 've got the key right here . " He took off his shoes , then undid his jeans and removed them . He saw that his disposable had leaked badly into the plastic pants , allowing a brownish fluid to accumulate in them , and he knew she could see this as well . But she didn 't mention it . She just unlocked his pants and patted him gently on the bottom . He then went into the bathroom to spend ten of the most disgusting minutes of his life removing the diaper and its contents from his bottom and legs . He used dozens of baby wipes as well as toilet paper , and afterward he showered , thoroughly washing his diaper area as she had said . After he dressed , he brought out the disgusting diaper to the kitchen , where the lady had him put it in a ziplock baggie and deposit it into the trash . She smilingly told him that once again , she 'd take care of his " baby pants , " a term she 'd started using so gradually that he hadn 't even noticed it . He was feeling much better about life since he had showered , and when he caught sight of the meal she 'd prepared for him , he was genuinely elated . It was great ! He was grateful to her for making such a bad situation turn out so well ; she was a good mom , he thought to himself before he could stop himself . Landlady , he corrected himself . Or friend , or whatever . Anyway , she was nice . And her kindness took another noticeable step up in intensity after this incident , he noticed . She now cooked all of his meals , drove him wherever he needed to go , did all the housekeeping chores , and even rented movies she thought he 'd like on the weekends . He refused to think of it as a reward for having messed his diaper ; that was an absurd explanation . She was probably just recognizing that the incident had brought them closer together . And he liked the new benefits , so he didn 't think about it too critically . It was just a few days later ( after several uneventful , wet nights ) when he found himself talking to a classmate , a sophomore girl ( who naturally intimidated him ) . The subject of housing came up . She asked him where he lived , and , wanting to make a good impression , he tried to describe the location of the house . She looked confused , and said , " Not in the baby house , though , right ? " She told him that there was an older woman in one of those houses on Oak Street who , every year , tried to snare a freshman boy , turning him into her " baby . " " It 's pretty freaky , I 've got to say , although for all I know it 's just a rumor . But the rumor is that she puts the guy into baby diapers , baby clothes , makes him sleep in a crib , eat baby food , everything . Supposedly once a guy gets caught by her , he 's hers until he graduates . It hasn 't happened for a year or two , so I haven 't seen it , only heard about it from upperclassmen . But can you imagine ? Apparently they get sucked in during freshman year before they know better , and somehow get trapped . I don 't really understand why they don 't walk away . Maybe they like it , but I can 't imagine why . I 'd bet they 'd get teased , you know ? Anyway , it 's weird . I 'd watch out , " she laughed playfully , obviously either not taking the rumors seriously , or not suspecting him of being in that house . He laughed , too , trying to cover up his anxiety . He thought she must be talking about his landlady . Later , he thought about it carefully . Could the rumors be true ? They had to be talking about her ; how many other women on his street put their boarders in diapers ? But he only wore the diapers at night , and none of the other stuff was true . The stories were too fantastic to be true , he thought . What had happened to him had probably happened to someone else at some point in the past , and someone had found out and blown the whole thing out of proportion . It was probably like a typical game of " telephone " , when rumors get exaggerated naturally . Besides , this lady was nice . A little eccentric , but not wacko . The two of them had a very nice relationship , and he trusted her , so he didn 't see a reason to panic and move out . At the most he 'd just keep his eyes open . And for the next week , the last week before midterms , everything was , indeed , as " normal " as ever : he put on a clean diaper at night , and would present her with a wet one the next morning . His nervousness about midterms , his first college tests , was growing , and he was glad to learn that a big bash was scheduled for the weekend before midterms started , the traditional way on campus to blow off steam before exams . He went , of course , and unfortunately had his first real experience with out - of - control drinking . By the time he stumbled home at two in the morning , he could hardly balance himself . He pushed his way along walls , received his diaper from a rather alarmed landlady , and fell into the bathroom to pee and put his diaper on . He peed , and peed a great amount , but in a very inaccurate way . Then he slumped down on the bathroom floor to try to put his diaper on . He fumbled with the diaper , getting lots of powder on the tapes so that they wouldn 't stick . And in his intoxicated state , he couldn 't figure out what to do about it , so he did the best he could . He stood up , and it was on backwards , and the tapes wouldn 't stick , and he basically had to hold the diaper up with his hands . But he didn 't care : he had to get to bed to stop the world from spinning . He managed to stumble out into the hall to face the lady . She said something about his diaper and he said he * couldn 't * do it right and didn 't want to try and could she please just give him the goddamned pants so he could go to the fucking bed . He just watched as the expression on her face changed , and he was led back into the bathroom and seated on the floor . The lady disappeared for a moment , and when she returned she had another diaper . She pushed him back down to the floor , and he just let her do it : it felt nice to lie down , and he was just barely aware of the fact that she removed the bad diaper , put the new one under his bottom , spread lots of powder all over and drew the diaper up between his legs and taped it . With some difficulty she got him standing and retaped the diaper properly , then got him into his baby pants . She looked toward the toilet and said something about his peeing on the floor , but he was too out of it to understand . She said something else and then led him to his bed , where he immediately went to sleep . He awoke the next morning with a very wet diaper and muddled memories of the night before . He had a bad headache , and he took two aspirins before heading to the kitchen to get the old lady to unlock him . He immediately saw that she was not in a good mood ; this was not something he needed this morning . He brusquely asked her to unlock him so he could change , but she said they needed to talk . Once they were both seated she looked at him sadly . " Do you even know what happened last night ? " He shook his head , as it was slightly easier than talking . " Well , I 'd better tell you , because we have to deal with it somehow , I 'm afraid . " " I 'm assuming you may have been a little drunk last night ? " He nodded . " Well , you peed all over my bathroom , I 'm afraid . It 's still there if you want to go look . " He stared at his feet , not wanting to go look at that piece of handiwork . He was sure she was right , for that sounded slightly familiar . " Not only that , but you cursed several times at me . And you were completely unable to put your diaper on by yourself , which , of course , I had to remedy . Do you remember any of this ? " He did , slightly , to his humiliation . She had seen him naked , and had put his diaper on for him . Oh , boy . He nodded . " Well , there are two issues here . One is the fact that you said earlier that you would be responsible for putting on your own diapers . Suddenly you 're shirking that responsibility , and that 's a big problem . I have to know that you 're wearing that diaper each and every night , and that you 're wearing it properly . Leaks don 't help us at all , you know . So if you can 't be trusted with that responsibility , I 'm afraid I 'll just have to assume it . " " Let me finish . The second issue is one of being allowed to use the toilet . As you know , toilet usage is a privilege , not a right . I 'd have thought you of all people would have known that , " she said , looking pointedly at his diaper . " You have to earn that privilege , and I 'm not sure that you should be allowed in my bathrooms anymore . Normally , that would create quite a problem for a tenant , but in your situation , it would seem as though we have a clear and established alternative available . " Again she glanced at his diaper . " My point is that I 'm afraid we need to deal with these issues right away to assure that last night 's fiasco cannot ever be repeated . As I see it , there are two straightforward solutions . First , I change your diaper from now on . It 's easier for you and I don 't mind , especially since I have the extra piece of mind knowing it 's done right every time . Second , you make the small step of going from wearing diapers at night to wearing them all the time whenever you 're in my house . We do both of these and we 're completely covered . " She paused . " The trouble is , I know it might be difficult for a boy like you to get used to these ideas , and I haven 't yet made up my mind what to do . What do * you * think ? " He sat with his mouth open . He certainly hadn 't expected anything like this , and he couldn 't believe what he was hearing . " You can 't be serious , " he said , rubbing his eyes . " Of course I am , " she replied . " But you 're obviously a little in shock , and I can appreciate that . I 'm not unreasonable . I 'm going to offer you , therefore , that we do only * one * of those two things . Furthermore , to make it easier for you , you get to pick which one . Okay ? " He admitted to himself , with some shame , that it had been quite a performance . He nodded again to her . Something probably needed to be done . But this ? " Now , it is my house , and I make the rules . If you can 't follow them , you can always leave , as we 've discussed . But I like you , and I think you 've enjoyed living here . I 'd like to work this out , if possible . Because otherwise you 're a good tenant , and I 'd like you to stay . So take a look at those two options and try to pick one . I 'll give you some time to decide . Until you decide , though , of course , I 'll need to keep you in this diaper , since the result of your decision will dictate how and into what you will be changed . So you go think about it , and tell me when you 've decided . " She left him sitting at the kitchen table . He put his throbbing head down on the table . She 'd done it to him again , he realized . She 'd sprung something so absurd at him , so suddenly ( and right before midterms ) , that he didn 't have any options . He had to study full - time ; he had no time to apartment - hunt . He couldn 't afford to be homeless right now , so he knew he had to play her game . But she couldn 't have planned it this way , right ? She was odd , but not devious ; he thought he knew that . But the timing was certainly uncanny . So he went back to his room , sat on his bed , and tried to decide which of the two choices was less heinous . He thought about what it would be like for her to change all of his diapers . Pretty big intrusion into his privacy ! But then , she 'd already done it once . Of course , he 'd been drunk and hadn 't been that aware of the experience . If he wore a diaper only at night , it would just be clean and wet diapers she 'd deal with , not the really embarrassing messy ones . What about the other option ? It was absolutely unthinkable . He 'd gotten so he didn 't mind the night diapers , but that was because they were only partially functional , and then only by choice . Wearing diapers all the time had the air of being totally reduced to baby status , which was too much . He had no interest in having to " earn " toilet privileges . Plus it would obviously mean one or more dirty diapers a day , and a high likelihood of having to wear them out and around again ( because what were the odds of her being home every single time he went out ? ) . Furthermore , he knew either of these choices would be embarrassing , but the former choice would be over after several minutes each day and would be confined to night usage , while the latter would obviously be humiliating all the time . So he decided to go with option number one , while telling himself it would only last a week or at most two weeks , until midterms were over and he could find a new place to live . He liked the house and the lady , but things were getting a bit weird . Still , he could put up with anything for a week or two . He waddled out in his wet diaper and told her he wanted the diaper changing option . She sighed contentedly and said , " I 'm so happy you 'll be staying . I didn 't want to drive you away , but I felt something had to be done . And it won 't be * that * bad , will it ? Sometimes it 's nice to sit back and let someone else do the work . Right ? " He nodded sullenly . His hangover had not been helped by this . He felt a little numbed by the whole experience ; it seemed surreal . She , on the other hand , seemed elated that the issue had been settled . She hugged him ; he responded only minimally . " Whoops ! " she exclaimed . " I 'd better get that wet diaper off of you ! " She strode to the other end of the house ; he followed tentatively . He felt uncomfortable about the whole thing , assuming this new , passive role . But * she * apparently felt totally comfortable with her new role , and waited for him in the bathroom . He stepped into the room , and she unlocked his pants . He started to pull the baby pants down but she playfully slapped his hands away and did it for him . " I know , but we made a deal . Now lay back and pull your knees up . " He sighed and did so , staring off into space , trying to pretend he wasn 't there . What would his family think of this ? Humming , she leaned over and untaped his wet diaper and pulled it down through his legs , exposing him . She whistled at how wet his diaper was as she opened the baby wipes and pulled one out . " Well , I feel like it 's my responsibility , " she said , looking at his face through his knees . " I want to leave you as clean after the diapers as you were before . Or even cleaner . Besides , I 've * got * all those baby wipes ; I may as well use them . " And she started at his waist , firmly and quicly covering his skin and gently scrubbing away the remains of the wetness and powder . She did his thighs , his penis , scrotum , and then set that wipe aside . " Okay , now spread some more and lift your knees all the way to your face , please , " she directed as she prepared another wipe . " Yes , " she said rather shortly . So he did it , exposing the rest of his most private areas to her . She wiped down his hips and worked her way into his crack , which she held open with one hand and cleaned with the other . She 'd finished , he thought , and paused , before suddenly poking a wipe - covered finger up his tight anus , twisting and pulling it out . He caught his breath , shocked and surprised by her actions . She didn 't reply immediately , and he saw that she was looking at the intrusive wipe . Finally she said , " Yes , it would appear that I did need to do that . See if you can keep your bottom a little cleaner , okay ? And until I 'm satisfied , I 'll be doing * that * every day . " He rolled his eyes but she didn 't see him , as she was pulling the wet diaper out from under him and replacing it with a clean towel . He dropped his legs instinctively . She picked up the wet diaper and folded it up , saying , " There . That was easy , right ? A lot less for you to worry about . We 'll be doing this twice a day . " She looked thoughtful . " It 's so uncomfortable and cold down here on the floor . I wonder if I could find some sort of table that is more appropriate . Perhaps there are yard sales somewhere today . " She started to walk out , but then stopped and turned back to him . " One other thing . For now , I think this will work out fine , " she told the naked boy on the bathroom floor ( who was trying to hide his genitalia and look dignified ) . " But anymore slip - ups with the toilet and I 'll really have to enmake the other rule as well . Understand ? Good . And finally , I * do * need that floor and toilet cleaned before lunch today . Now why don 't you shower and I 'll make some breakfast . " She disappeared with the wet diaper , and he was left on the floor to ponder his new living situation . But it was too bizarre . He couldn 't really accept it . He tried to see it as a necessary evil during exams , to be remedied later . In fact , he decided to put it out of his mind altogether , and not to let it bother him . He 'd ignore it and bear the burden for a week or two , and then move . He had mixed feelings about moving , surprisingly , because of his affection for the landlady . But there were limits to how weird he 'd let things get . He shook his head , showered , and got to work studying in his room after an elaborate breakfast . He noticed that the lady 's mood was now bordering on mania , and eventually her high spirits brought him around , too ( or perhaps it was the aspirin finally kicking in ) . He knew she wanted him to be happy , and it took a while , but he obliged eventually . Later in the day he heard some loud noises , like furniture being moved , and heemerged from his room to discover that the landlady had somehow brought a large table - like thing into the third , yet - unused bedroom . It looked like an examination table , four feet high and about three and a half wide by six feet long . Covered with a brownish vinyl material , it had several drawers on the side facing away from the wall . She laughed . " I guess if you don 't know , you 'll have to wait until bedtime tonight to find out . But it 's warmer than the floor ! " Then he realized . It was an adult - sized changing table , for him . As she stood next to it he could see it was the perfect height for her to work on him . His first reaction was , strangely , one of shared happiness : yes , this * would * make things easier and more comfortable for both of them . But it also embarrassed him , that he would require such furniture for his diapering needs . He shook his head and decided he needed to get back to studying . His preoccupation with his work must have been what prevented him from seeing this table as the permanization of his new , more infantile status . That realization wouldn 't come until later . The week was difficult , but passed , of course . His exams were tough , but his landlady 's help allowed him to study a lot , since he didn 't have to concentrate on chores or meals . And while , by the end of the week , he wasn 't excited about the diaper changings with the lady , he now tolerated the routine , and his embarrassment about the whole thing had lessened somewhat . ( He had found himself paying more attention to wiping himself on the toilet , and to his mixed relief and embarrassment , the lady had noticed . She never failed to comment one way or the other on his hygienic state : " Much better tonight ! " she 'd coo , or " Is * this * the way we clean our bottom ? " But her reminders , as humiliating as they were , worked , and by the end of the week , she was complimenting him more often than not . ) She clearly looked forward to the changing sessions , cooing and humming throughout them . They would also talk , and during this busy and stressful time , it might be the only talking they did , which was a nice change of scenery for him . So it became more tolerable for him , if not downright enjoyable . His last exam was Friday morning , and he had had to study most of the night for it . When it was over , he was exhausted from the lack of sleep and the cumulative effects of the week . On his way back home , he could think of nothing better than taking a long afternoon nap , and when he got home , that 's exactly what he did . It was a glorious nap , and didn 't end until about four that afternoon , when he became aware of someone looking at him as he slept . He opened his eyes with alarm , jerking awake to the sight of the lady . She was sitting in his desk chair , staring at him intently . When she saw him awaken she shook her head sadly . He correctly took this as a bad omen , and sat up , worried . She kept shaking her head , saying , " I really am sorry it came to this , because I really liked you , and I know it 's been hard for you getting used to the diapers . " He was now wide awake . " I wish rules weren 't rules , but . . . " She trailed off . " What ? What ? ! " he said , sensing something bad was happening . He searched his tired brain for something he had done wrong . He couldn 't think of anything . " Before we get to that , did you finish your exams ? Good . Congratulations . So I 'm betting you were tired , and had a nap ? Great , I hope it was nice . . . " She was rambling slightly . He asked again what was wrong . He thought for a moment , playing her little game . Knowing her , it probably had to do with diapers . She couldn 't mean that he should have been wearing one for his nap ? Yes , he thought : that 's exactly what she meant . " No , I certainly did not . * We * agreed that you would wear a diaper * in bed . * And I don 't think I 'm getting technical here : we only want to prevent you from wetting the bed . That 's a definite possibility any time you are asleep in that bed . Right ? Look at me . Right ? " She was right . He was behaving like a child . He paused as he thought about how to approach this problem like an adult . " Okay . You 're right . I 'm sorry . Now I know . It won 't happen again . " She looked at him and smiled appreciatively at his attempt . " I know that , but unfortunately that 's not enough . We need to decide together on a fair punishment . " She paused . " I think we both know what needs to be done . I let you off the hook before , but now I don 't think there 's any way around it , " she said sadly . He shook his head . " I will * not * wear diapers all the time . That 's too much , " he said , looking straight into her eyes . " You ask me to do that forever , and I 'm out of here . " " Well , I don 't want you to leave , " she conceded . " So I guess we 'll have to compromise . Wearing diapers all the time would be an excellent way to prevent any accidents in bed at all hours of the day and night . And I think it 's very important that you experience what that would be like , wearing diapers all the time , so that you try very hard not to make any more mistakes . But I 'm willing to have you do it for only a limited amount of time , such as for one week . How does that sound ? " " A week ? " he asked . " I don 't know . . . " he said doubtfully . He 'd promised himself a week ago he wouldn 't allow this to happen . But he 'd also said that he could stand anything for a week . " Now listen to me , " she snapped . " You came into this house with only one rule , which you promptly broke . We fixed that with the addition of one more rule , which you have now broken * twice * in the space of one week , so far without any real punishment . Is that justice ? I don 't think so , and I think you know that , too . Now , own up to your mistake and take the punishment like a man , so that we can get back to some peace and quiet . It 's just for one week , for God 's sake . Don 't be such a baby . " He absorbed this tirade quietly and knew that in some ways she was right : he had broken a rule several times and endangered her precious bed . Maybe it was time to accept a little punishment and go on . It was just a week . And he 'd need at least that long to find a new place to stay . He couldn 't move out today , but if he agreed to this , he could start looking and perhaps move out before the week was up . It was sneaky , but it was his only chance of sleeping in a bed tonight and not being entirely humiliated by a whole week in diapers . He nodded his head and looked at the floor . " Okay , you win . " She came over and sat on his bed . " It 's just a couple diapers a day , not much more than now . It might seem hard , but I need to know I can trust you around the house . Okay ? " " Okay . I respect you for doing this . " She patted his leg . " Now we need to discuss details . Obviously , no bathroom use for a week . I 'll just keep it locked so you 're not tempted , and that way we won 't have to worry about using those nasty plastic panties . I 'll unlock the bathroom once a day , in the morning for you to shower , but the door stays propped open so I nknow you 're not cheating . You can brush your teeth at the kitchen sink . And , of course , according to our earlier agreement , I 'll be changing the diapers for you . Any questions ? " He hadn 't thought of this last point . It brought up an embarrassing issue . " Yes , um , can I be allowed to change the , uh , messy ones ? " " No , I 'll do it , " she offered generously . " I don 't mind , really . It comes with the territory , of course . " She smiled at him , and he smiled very weakly back . " Now , I have one more question for you , " she said , turning more serious . He looked up at her , curious . " Are you still thinking of moving out after this week ? " There was silence as he discovered that he was not as sneaky as he might think . But might as well be honest ; she deserved that . " I 'd thought about that , yes , " he answered . " I 'd like to ask a little favor , " she said quietly . " I understand about wanting to leave . I do . And that 's fine . It 's your right , and I understand that my rules , though simple , are sometimes demanding for certain types of boys . But could you please wait for one week before you start looking ? Just a week , that 's all I ask . " She was pushing him again . He 'd just promised himself he wouldn 't stay the whole week , and she was asking him to break that promise . But he made the mistake of looking into her lonely , seeking eyes . " Uh . . . well . . . why ? " " Because you might change your mind , and I just want there to be a chance . We 'll talk about it next week . You can pretend you 're giving notice at a job , because there are some similarities . After all , I 'm not sure how long it 'll take to fill your room . I need a little time to put an ad in the paper , things like that . And then next week if you still feel like moving out , I won 't argue . Okay ? " He sighed . She led him into the third bedroom , where the changing table lived . He took off his shoes and socks , and turned away from her involuntarily as he lowered his pants . He hopped up on the changing table , pulled up his shirt , and laid back . He 'd done this enough with her he already knew the routine . He pulled his knees up a little as she opened a drawer and pulled out a disposable diaper and some baby powder . He helped her as she pulled down his underpants and slipped them off his legs . " After we do this , " she said casually , " why don 't you collect the rest of these big boy underpants and bring them to me for safe keeping during the week . You certainly won 't be needing them , you know . " Already terribly embarrassed , he didn 't want to argue . He just nodded and stared at the ceiling as she had him lift his legs . " Okay , all set . Now if you 're wet or dirty , you just need to come to me , tell me what 's wrong , and ask to be changed . And I will change you just as soon as I can . I 'll try to do it immediately , but that may not always be possible , of course . But I imagine you 'll be able to wait a bit if necessary ; the diaper 's not going anywhere , is it ? " she laughed . He didn 't . " No , " he said . " It 's fall break . I was going to go home , but I decided not to when I found out my parents were traveling to New Jersey to visit relatives . At that point , I thought I 'd rather stay here ; now I 'm not so sure , " he said glumly . " Oh , we 'll do fine all week . The fact that you don 't have classes will make things easier , of course . We 'll negotiate outings as they come up . But when you 're here in the house , and don 't have any company , I need to be able to see your diaper at all times , not only to make sure you 're wearing it , but also to see when you need to be changed . So , no pants in the house , okay ? I 'll keep the heat up so you 're not cold . Okay ? " He drew in his breath . Another little surprise . How humiliating that would be , to walk around the house wearing only a diaper , and sometimes a wet or messy diaper at that . But like she said , it was her house , and she made the rules , and if she didn 't mind seeing the diaper , then he 'd have to cope . He would start looking for a place next week for sure . " So we 'll end in a week . . . well , it would certainly be silly to get you out of diapers right before bed on Friday , so we 'll call this thing over on Saturday morning , okay ? That 's it . See you in an hour for dinner ; how 's scallops ? " Scallops were great , as it turned out , but he was thinking more about his predicament than the food . He sat on his bed after dinner , in his slightly wet disposable diaper , and had a moment of insight . He saw himself as he was , and eighteen - year - old young man willingly waddling around a woman 's house in nothing but a diaper , allowing a woman to change him whenever he got wet or dirty . How bizarre and disgusting it seemed ! Yet he 'd agreed to it . He thought again about what that sophomore girl had said and now could see that this was obviously the same house to which she 'd referred . And to a certain extent , he 'd been taken in just as she 'd said . He knew now why the other boys hadn 't " just run away . " It had snuck up on them , like it had on him , one weird little thing at a time , until she was changing his diaper twenty - four hours a day . The good thing , though , was that he now could see clearly what was happening , and even knew , through that girl , where it might all head if he weren 't careful . He had insight , and that protected him , he thought . True , what had happened so far was strange , but he was going to catch it before it went too far . He wasn 't being held captive , and he would leave in one week 's time ( or whenever he could find a new place to stay ) . He was also protected by the fact that he had such a good relationship with this lady ; they could talk , and she had already accepted the fact that he was moving out . So the babifying process would undoubtedly end here . He almost laughed about it now , how silly he 'd been to have come even this far . But thank goodness he 'd realized the mistake in time . Buoyed by his new confidence about the situation , he tried to relax and enjoy the lady 's company , as they still got along well despite the " punishment . " In fact , she seemed even happier than usual , which didn 't surprise him , but he was content to take advantage of it . They watched TV all evening , and periodically he would go out to the kitchen to be alone for a moment so he could pee in private . Soon his diaper became quite boggy , and though he wanted to keep the number of changes down to a minimum , he couldn 't keep her from noticing the diaper 's sag . " Oh , yeah ? " she challenged . " Then try to keep it relaxed for a while . Heck , try it all week . See how nice it is not to worry about it . See how relaxed you can be ; you might as well , because you 'll never again get the opportunity . It 's interesting to see what the body normally does that you 're not even aware of . Test the limits of your consciousness this week ; see how aware you are and if you can change it . " Science had always attracted him , and this little experiment sounded interesting . He hardly saw the harm in it ; it was just a week , after all , and it was a unique challenge . So after he was changed , he started trying to relax completely , and began to train the appropriate muscles to relax more often . It might keep the week interesting . The following morning was something he knew in advance he would * not * enjoy , as he was sure it would be the occasion of his regular bowel movement . And sure enough , right after a breakfast of pancakes , he felt the abdominal rumblings , and he excused himself to his bedroom , where at least he could have some privacy . He found he needed to squat to get it out , and as he did so , he remembered the displeasure he 'd felt the first time . This time , too , the sensations that he felt were disgusting to him , utterly gross and uncomfortable . After he was done , and his diaper was full , he stood for a second trying to decide what to do now . Embarrassing as it would be to face the lady with his messy diaper , he knew she expected it , and the sooner he was changed ( and the less he moved around ) the more comfortable and easier it would all be . It might be possible to get changed before his mess got all squished into his diaper . From his perspective , the easier the cleanup , the better . So he waddled into the kitchen , careful not to move his diaper 's contents around too much , but he was dismayed , when he reached the kitchen , to find the lady on the phone . He caught her attention and looked at her questioningly while pointing to his diaper . She nodded , put her hand over the phone , and whispered , " I 'll probably be a little while . Why don 't you go sit down in the living room and I 'll come change you in a few minutes ? " His spirits sank . He hadn 't considered having to wait . What terible luck . He walked carefully into the den , and , not wanting to sit , stood in front of the TV , watching disinterestedly . After several minutes , he got tired of the odors wafting up toward his face , and impatient with the lady , and he wandered back to the kitchen , again standing in front of her . She looked up , and smiled indulgently . " It 's okay , " she whispered . " I 'm not done yet . Go sit down . I 'm sure that diaper will still be there in a few minutes . " And then she gently turned him toward the den and patted his rear end condescendingly , inadvertantly spreading his mess around a little . He grimaced at that sensation , and , exasperated , he slowly walked back to the den and stood for several more minutes before giving up . He went to the couch and gingerly sat down . He was immediately unhappy he had done so , for he exquisitely felt his bowel movement compress and expand across his bottom , the warmth spreading between his legs . He nearly gagged as he tried to picture what was happening . " Ohhhh , does my little boy have a poopy diaper ? " she asked in baby talk . He blushed as she held out her hand for him to take , and he self - consciously let her lead him into the changing room , where he gingerly hopped up onto the table . She saw his expression as he gently lowered himself back into his mess , and she laughed . " Relax , " she teased . " There 's nothing in there that will break . " He couldn 't laugh with her , for he felt that at the moment his ego was fairly fragile . He laid down , and nearly choked at the smell released by his actions . She , however , seemed not to notice . She lifted his legs and carefully undid his diaper . He closed his eyes , trying to pretend he wasn 't there . But she wouldn 't let him . " Whoa ! " she exclaimed . " You were busy , weren 't you ? But , then , you 're a big boy , and I guess big babies have big poops . " " Now that was a lot easier than having to do it yourself , wasn 't it ? Don 't you feel better ? " He had to admit that yes it was , and yes it did . And with that initiation behind him , things went more smoothly . He spent his time that week catching up on sleep , watching football on TV , reading novels . She cooked and cleaned for him , and other than the obvious embarrassment , which he found was beginning slowly to diminish , they enjoyed each other 's company . He didn 't go out very much , mostly to rent movies for the two of them to watch , since it was a pain to get ready to go , and since he was terrified of being found to wear diapers . Several things began to happen that week . One was that he became , if not comfortable , then at least relatively resigned to the diapers and being changed by his landlady . He had to admit it was nice not to worry about the bathroom , and he tried not to think that much about it . Consequently , the second thing that happened was that he was pretty successful training himself to relax over the course of the week . He felt secure about his diaper 's ability to contain whatever he could dish out , and he began hardly to notice peeing in them . He decided that despite his complaining , the diapers * were * pretty comfortable , after all . The bowel movements were not pleasant , but they were necessary , and he decided to bear that burden as admirably as he could . Complaining wouldn 't help . He just counted the days until he could do it in private again . And by the following Friday , he was wetting freely and without inhibition ; there had even been many times that he 'd had to have the lady tell him he was wet , since he had not noticed his own peeing . So all in all , he spent the week relatively happy , rested , and carefree , though he was certainly ready for Saturday morning when it came . It had been interesting , but he was ready to get back to life as usual . And after the embarrassment of the whole thing , he was still definitely ready to move out . Saturday morning found him laying on the changing table having a wet diaper removed for what he was sure would the last time . He thanked her for releasing him from his disposable confines , and headed off to the shower , where he began to think about how he was going to approach his search for a new apartment . He had kept his word , and hadn 't looked yet , but today was definitely the day . In his mind he made a list of areas he wanted to check out . Surely someone had a room they could rent him , and not everyone was a diaper freak , right ? As he dried himself off he thought of what he might say if they asked where he had been living and for references . He knew she liked him but he didn 't know whether she 'd feel compelled to mention to potential landlords the bedwetting incident , or the toilet incident , and he was afraid of how embarrassing that could be if word of the whole thing got out . Somehow , he 'd have to swear her to secrecy , or this attempt to move out would fail . He went to his room to dress and was as pleased not to be wearing a diaper as he was disturbed that he hadn 't received his underpants back yet . He dressed without them , meaning to ask her about them later . He went to the kitchen for breakfast . They ate waffles in silence , and as they finished , he cleared his throat . " I 've decided to go ahead and look for a new place , " he said . " It 's nothing personal , but the whole diaper situation has some serious drawbacks when it comes to socializing , you know . I 've thought a lot about this , and although I like you and everything , I think I need a change . " She smiled at this . " You just had one . " Then she nodded seriously and asked , " What will you do about your bedwetting problem ? You think that will stop just because you move or stop wearing diapers ? " He hadn 't thought about that . He stood and took his dishes to the sink as he said , " I don 't know . But I do know it never happened once before I moved in , so I think it was just a fluke , or maybe related to stress . I 've just got to trust that since I 'm an adult , that kind of babyish thing won 't happen again . " As he finished speaking he glanced at her but saw that she wasn 't looking at his face ; her eyes were directed just above his knees . And then he felt it : a familiar warmth spreading through his crotch . But then he felt an unfamiliar , colder wetness spreading too . He looked down and realized in horror that he was wetting his pants ! He hadn 't even noticed . He gasped in shock and embarrassment , and tried to stop , but had some trouble . By the time he clamped down enough , dark streaks ran down his legs , and his shoes were wet . He couldn 't do anything but stare at what he 'd just done , something that hadn 't happened since the first grade . " Oh , no . I . . . I guess it 's from this week , when I tried not to hold it . Oh , shit . I trained myself to do this whenever I had to . Damn . How long will it take to train myself back ? Excuse me , I 've got to go . . . " He shifted weight , very uncomfortably , looking down . His legs were getting very cold . Suddenly a light flashed , and he jerked his head up . He couldn 't believe it . She 'd just taken a picture of him in his wet pants ! He stared , dumbfounded , no longer sure of what was going on or who was in charge anymore . She smiled at him , which didn 't help his confidence . He tried to reassert his control over the situation . This wasn 't how it was supposed to go . " But I am . I 'm going out looking today . " " In wet pants ? That 'll go over big . I don 't think a lot of landlords are going to be interested in a bedwetter , much less one who pees in his pants . " She looked again pointedly at his crotch , which he could feel getting still colder and less comfortable . He caught himself thinking that at least when he wore diapers it felt warm and nice . He shook his head . She paused ; his heart beat wildly . " Well , you have to understand that we landlords are a closeknit bunch in this little town . We have many similar interests , financial and otherwise . I have a responsibility to share with the others any information I think they need to know . And you already know how I feel about bedwetting . So though I like you a lot , I 'm afraid that 's something they 'd need to know . " His strength waned , and he felt weak in his knees . This was disastrous . He needed her help , or at least her silence , to get a good place . Last week , that seemed likely , when she 'd seemed resigned to his leaving . But this week she seemed determined to make him to stay . But she couldn 't stop him if she didn 't know he was trying to move out , he thought slyly . He quickly murmured something about her being right , and that he wouldn 't leave , and then he tried to shuffle out of the kitchen to his room . He could sneak out and find a room before she knew it . But as he walked past , she froze him with her next revelation . " That won 't work either , I 'm afraid . It 's too late for covert operations . You see , I asked you to wait a week before looking around not because I thought you might change your mind , but because I needed time to notify all the other landlords in town about your little problem . I finished that yesterday . And just as I thought , all agreed that it would be ' an insurmountable barrier ' to a lease . And that was before I knew about your daytime wetting problem . " She shook her head . " Can you imagine what they 'd say if they knew that ? " He was stunned . Absolutely stunned . He knew she wanted him to stay , but he hadn 't suspected that she 'd lie to him and blackmail him to convince him . He didn 't know whether she was telling the truth now or not , but he didn 't really want to find out . To be turned down because of wetting himself would be humiliating beyond his wildest dreams . He was screwed , completely . He staggered back into the kitchen and leaned against the counter , not wanting to sit down in his wet pants . He was silent for a moment as he made the decision , finally , to confront her . " Why in the world are you doing this to me ? What kind of a crazy old woman are you ? You want to ruin my life ? Well , you 're doing a pretty good job . What did I ever do to earn this ? Why do you want to hurt me like this ? " He was nearly crying now . " Bullshit ! " he yelled . " I 've talked to other people . You do this every year to someone . You 've got some weird thing about diapers and making people into babies . I 've heard about you , you bitch . You can 't deny it . " She shook her head . " Those are rumors . If you 'll calm down a moment , I 'll tell you the truth . " He stood , arms folded , waiting . Would this be another lie , or the real thing ? " The truth is that I care deeply about the students that end up living here . They come into my home and become special to me . They pay the rent ; in return I try to satisfy some of their needs while protecting my property like any landlord . Many of the boys I have are bedwetters , and the others I kind of ' help ' along one way or another . How I do that is a secret , of course . " He looked confused . She 'd fabricated the bedwetting incident ? How ? She smiled at him . " Because whether you know it or not , you all have the same problem , which , of course , is that you 're away from your mommy for the first time and need , on some level , to be babied a little . I know what you kids need , probably better than you , because I 've seen your kind before , and I know . If they wet the bed , fine . If they don 't , I find an excuse to treat them as if they did . " She smiled happily at him . " I don 't tell them right away what I 'm doing , because I know they 'd object to this kind of help if it was offered to them all at once at the beginning . So I phase it in slowly , and when I feel that they 're ready for it all , * then * I tell them what 's going on . " With a proud smile , she said , " And now it 's your turn . " " Well , the fact of the matter is , " she began slowly , staring straight into his flushed and angry face , " that you 're going to be my baby for a while , and I 'll serve as your mommy in this town , until I feel that you 've adjusted enough to this college atmosphere that you don 't need my help anymore . I 'll be honest : that could be several weeks , or it could last the whole time you 're here at school . I can 't tell at this point . " " It 's pretty simple , " she said calmly . " Everything we 've done up to this point , the diapers , the changings , everything , has just been practice . Sort of an orientation for what lies ahead . Most boys have the most problem with the diapers , so I tried to phase them in gradually . And you willingly accepted them at every stage , even up through last week , when you wore them all the time , like you will from now on . " She paused and then answered his question . " You see , I 'm sure this is what 's right for you , so I made sure that it didn 't really matter * how * you felt , or if you wanted to do it . It doesn 't matter at all what you want . We 've come this far , and I won 't let all that time and energy be wasted . There is no turning back now . When you gave me your underpants last week , I took them all to the Salvation Army , " she told him . " It 's all over , and , in fact , it has been all over since you signed your lease . " " Wanna bet ? " he challenged . " You 're crazy , and I 'm getting out of here . I don 't care what you 're told the other landlords . When I explain to them what happened , they 'll understand . It 'll be a little embarrassing , but nothing compared to what happens if I stay with you ! See ya . " And he stormed quickly from the room . " LOST ! ! This year 's baby from 1169 Oak St . ! May be seen wearing diapers , plastic training pants , which may be wet or dirty . If found , please return to his mommy . He 's been very bad , and he needs a spanking ! " With a wave of despair he realized she 'd won . He couldn 't leave , not without sacrificing his friends , shelter , and dignity . He thought briefly about leaving college , but the thought of that was even more absurd . Where would he go ? His cold , wet pants only added to his misery . She stood next to him and ran her fingers through his hair . " Oh , sweetie , I don 't hate you . On the contrary , I care very much about you . But I had to do this to you because it 's so obviously what you need , what will be good for you . Someday I 'm sure you 'll thank me , but you 've just got to trust me for now . It won 't be so bad , you 'll see . You 've already gotten through most of the worst , I promise . And once you accept it , it 'll make it a lot easier , too . " She talked softly to him , comforting him with a maternal flair that was honed by years of practice . " Like I told you , I 'm not sure . At least through the end of this semester , but probably longer . There 's a good chance you 'll wear them for your whole four years here . We 'll just have to take it a day at a time . " " Oh , yes , sweetie . Diapers are only one part of being a baby , " she laughed . " For starters , I don 't know if you noticed the attachments on the bed for railings , but it 's a pretty secure crib when we get it put together . Then there are the clothes , which are just darling . They were made by some of my retired friends , who love to see them modeled each year ; they 've been dying to meet you , but , of course , I 've had to wait to introduce you until after today . I 've also got some lovely footed sleepers with wrist ties , some toddler pants complete with snaps . . . you 'll love them . I 've also got a nice high chair we need to bring down from the attic , where I stored your changing table , and some pretty bibs . We 'll need to get those cupboard locks back out , because you may not like your new diet , which will change kind of drastically . And the bathrooms will stay locked , of course , but that won 't be a problem , since you won 't have to bathe yourself anymore . You 'll love some of the toys I 've accumulated ; you 'll spend countless hours playing with them in your playpen , I 'm sure . " He just sat there , in shock , his world spinning around him . What would that sophomore girl say ? Somehow he didn 't think he stood much of a chance to date her now . And his parents and friends : how could he keep this a secret ? " Well , let 's get those wet pants off of you . She led him into the changing room and helped him remove the sopping jeans . She used baby wipes to dry him as he stood there , overwhelmed with shame at not having noticed his babification over the past several months . How could this have happened ? How would he ever endure ? Adult Diaper Stories thanks you for your visit . We hope you found a Diaper Story you like . Try using our Google Search Box which will scan 1000 's of Diaper Stories and Abdl Stories in seconds for you . All you need to do is type something in the search box that interests you . Maybe you like the popular Diaper Punishment Stories or Adult Diapers Stories . Do a search for Diaper Girl Stories and you will get too many results . |
Ernie didn 't handle the loss of her buddy very well . She would sit at the door and cry . I really , really wish she had cried like that the night Spooky broke out . We might have realized he was missing in time to find him . I kept thinking Ernie would settle down , but she didn 't . A few months after Spooky went missing , I impulsively stopped at the animal shelter and filled out an adoption application . A few days later , I brought Sassy home . It so happened that Ernie was due for her annual physical the same week I brought Sassy home . While at the vet with Ernie , I mentioned our new kitten , and that he must have allergies because he kept sneezing . The vet told me to leave immediately and go get Sassy . It turned out that Sassy had an upper respiratory infection and was severely dehydrated . The vet told me that kittens as young as Sassy usually didn 't survive this particular type of infection . He warned me to keep Sassy away from Ernie for a couple days , until the antibiotics had a chance to work . I had a pretty small apartment , but the closet was huge - bigger than the kitchen - and had a big , sunny window . So Sassy lived in the closet for three days , and I spent most of my time in there , too , playing with him . Sassy was a good boy . My biggest issue with him was that he would not stop digging up my houseplants . He dug out the roots , and when the plant would fall he 'd drag it around the apartment until it fell apart . I lost most of my plants the first few months I had Sassy , and I spent a fortune buying filters for my vacuum cleaner . Eventually I covered the remaining plants ' soil with pea gravel , which Sassy did not enjoy digging up . He also liked to knock over trash cans . All the trash cans . I ended up getting rid of the wastebasket in my bedroom , but had to put up with the mess he 'd make in the kitchen and bathroom . I didn 't have a vanity or cupboard to hide them in , either . I finally found a mini trash can with a snap on lid - a perfect replica of the garbage cans that go outside - and that kept Sassy out , so long aEventually we all moved to a pretty apartment on a high bank over the Mississippi sloughs . About that time , Ernie went into overdrive defending her territory . She had always been feisty , but suddenly she became an attack cat of sorts . She sat on the steps inside our front door and God help anyone who came inside without me or my boyfriend for an escort . She literally attacked , leaping for the face and hanging on with all her might . It 's a wonder I didn 't get sued . Honestly , I warned people not to go in the house , and if you see the gray kitty , leave her alone . Ernie was so pretty with her silvery fur and big eyes , nobody listened . The attitude continued . Eventually we were asked to find another vet , due to Ernie 's , ahem , personality . We moved out of the river apartment , and I bought my first house . Walker and I ran into each other at a friend 's wedding , and we 've been together ever since . Walker never had pets before living with me and the kitties . He did well with them , but he isn 't in a hurry to adopt another fuzzy kid . We lost Sassy to kidney failure a couple years ago , and of course , we lost Ernie this last January . I was pretty devastated both times . Walker isn 't in a hurry to go through that again , either . Walker would prefer a baby kitty , if we do get another one . I 'm leaning toward an older cat , one that has finished with the kitten chaos and just loves to curl up in a sunbeam or on a lap . Walker is afraid we 'd end up with a cat who has developed all kinds of bad habits . I think it 's the luck of the draw , no matter what you do . So : will we get another kitty ? Maybe . I want to wait at least until I can give up my second job . I think one of the reasons Ernie was such a handful might be because I wasn 't home enough . She was probably bored , and probably acted out for attention , just like a kid . Or maybe she was just a brat . For now , we 're considering volunteering at the local animal shelter . That would give me my kitty fix , and we 'd be doing something useful . We 'll see about signing up when we get back from Florida . Posted by So here I was with Ernie and three newborn kittens , living in an apartment that did not allow pets . I took care of those kittens , feeding them with the syringe every three or four hours . I worked , I went to school . I know one weekend , my sister and her husband were visiting at my mom 's and they babysat the kitties for me while I was at work . My mom helped me , too , when she wasn 't working . The rest of the time ? I have no idea . It 's all a blur . I put the kitties in a box lined with towels , wiped them down morning and night with a damp wash cloth , fed them , cleaned them . I raced home on my lunch break to feed them . The little orange guy , the one who got stuck , didn 't grow as fast as the other two . When their eyes opened and his didn 't , the vet told me to wipe his eyes with saline until they opened . His eyes were gray , no defined pupils , and the vet said he was blind . He was three weeks old when he died . About this time , my relationship started to fall apart . Things had been heading south for a while , so when my boyfriend made noise about staying with some friends in another town , I helped him pack . He wanted to take the little girl kitty , but I said no . A couple days later , he came into my work during the lunch rush and told me , in front of my coworkers and customers , that he 'd accidentally stepped on the girl kitty and she died . I think he lied to me . When I got home that night I asked him what he did with her body , and he said he couldn 't remember . Not only that , but if he 'd really hurt that kitty I know he would have been much more upset . I 'm pretty sure she went with him to his new place . I hope he gave her a good life . So that left me with Ernie and one more baby , a little boy with beautiful black fur and big green eyes . I named my little guy Spooky . Eventually I moved to a bigger place . The landlord there didn 't have a problem with kitties . Spooky grew into a great big bear of a kitty . I started a new job and a new relationship , and things were pretty sweet . Spooky was about two years old , Ernie was four , I think , when we lost Spooky . My sweetie and I were standing in the open doorway , talking , and somehow , Spooky got out of the apartment without our noticing . I honestly do not know how he could walk right past us , but that 's what must have happened . My sweetie left , I went to bed , and in the morning , when Spooky wasn 't waiting at his food bowl for breakfast , I knew something was wrong . I searched not only my apartment but the rest of the house , too . We lived in a big Victorian home that had been divided into six apartments , and there was a back hall that nobody used , along with a dusty old attic and an empty basement . He was nowhere to be found . What baffles me still is that not only would Spooky have had to get by both of us at the door to my apartment , but he also would have had to get out of the big , heavy door at the bottom of the stairs . None of my neighbors fessed up to letting him out . I doubt they would lie to me , so they must not have seen him . Being all black , if they didn 't turn the lights on in the hall , I guess it could happen . I ran ads in the paper , searched the neighborhood , called the pound and all the vet clinics , but I never found my Spooky . Come back tomorrow to meet Sassy ~ Posted by One night I was walking home past a gas station when I saw some teenage boys chunking rocks into the bushes . I got closer , and realized that hiding under the bushes was a terrified little tiger kitty . I do not have words to describe how angry I was . I ran the boys off , coaxed the kitty out , and carried her up to my not - pet - friendly apartment . Since I didn 't know anything about her , and since my apartment was just one big room , I had to put her in the bathroom to keep her separate from Ernie until I could have her checked out . In the bright lights of the bathroom , I could see she was as many weeks pregnant as a kitty would be a week before having babies . My boyfriend was not thrilled . He had been around animals much more than I had and knew that a litter of kittens was more than we could handle . And by " we " , I mean " I " , because his job kept him traveling three weeks out of every month . We called the new kitty Bert and set about trying to find her owner . We were unsuccessful . The vet told us to put out rags , a large box , old towels , etc , and Bert would make a nest for the kittens . We did , but she didn 't . I wasn 't sure what to make of that , but I figured she 's do it when she was ready . Bert went into labor a week later . I sat up with her most of the night , waiting for kitties . I think I made her uncomfortable , because she kept moving to new spots around the apartment . Finally , I went to bed so Bert could have some privacy . In the morning , it took me a long time to find Bert . She was still pregnant , and she wasn 't acting normal . I called the vet . It took some doing to convince the vet that , yes , I know I 've never seen a cat in labor before but this one was in labor , yes I am sure , and will you PLEASE just let me bring her in ? Finally the vet agreed to see us . Ten minutes later , we were at the clinic . Yes , Bert was in labor , but the vet could not get any signs of fetal movement on her fancy machines . She told me the kittens had likely died . Bert was much too small to be pregnant . The vet was very kTwo hours later , the vet called : two boys and a girl . Alive . The first kitty Bert tried to deliver naturally was the biggest , and he got stuck . The vet warned me that being stuck like that had likely caused him some damage , and that he might not survive . She also told me that Bert woke up from surgery and didn 't seem to understand that these kitties nursing on her were hers . She kept trying to nudge them away from her . The vet told me they wanted to sedate Bert , so the kitties would be able to nurse . She thought that after a good sleep Bert would feel better and be able to mother her kittens . She gave me a can of kitten formula and a syringe , just in case , then she gave Bert the sedation . Sadly , it was all too much for little Bert . She died in the car on the way home . I wonder if Bert knew , somehow , that she was dying . If she had not pushed the babies away , I would not have had the formula to feed them . She saved them by not taking care of them . A while back DD asked if we 're getting a kitten . The short answer is , maybe at some point but not right away . The long answer is more complicated . I started thinking about all the " stuff " I 've gone through with my kitties and I 'm not sure I have it in me to go through all that again . Normal people go to the pound or the pet store and pick out a cute little fur ball , take it home , and love it for fifteen or twenty years . My kitty chronicles are a bit more dramatic . Sitting here , writing this out , the story got pretty long . I broke it down so y ' all wouldn 't be nodding off before we got to the end . Ernie was my first kitten . I got her for my 21st birthday , a gift from my then - boyfriend . I was not , technically , allowed to have pets in the apartment I lived it . Okay , technically , I was not supposed to be living in the apartment I was living in . Two of my besties took me in after a very bad fight with my mother ( my fault ) . I crashed on their couch for three months , but I never went back to my mom 's to live . My roommates had a kitten already , a pretty gray and white girl named Sophie . They didn 't mind me bringing home another kitty , so long as we called it Ernie , after a Bette Midler bit they were both partial to . So that 's what we did . Sophie was not thrilled with the new addition to the family and batted Ernie around like a stuffed mouse . For Ernie 's safety , I kept her crated when I was at work . At night , she slept with me on the sofa . When I was home , she had the run of the place , but I made sure to keep a close eye when Sophie was in the room . Ernie was just a baby when I got my own apartment . I wasn 't allowed pets at that place , either , but I figured I wouldn 't be there long . The landlord had offices in Minneapolis , hours away , so I knew we wouldn 't see much of him . In fact , in three years I never once saw him . At that point , I worked as a waitress in a diner that served breakfast and lunch . I often left the house at 4 or 5 am . And I often came home to a mess . Ernie would shred toilet paper , dig up house plants , climb curtains … . . my boyfriend was the type to send flowers , which Ernie regarded as a salad bar . She ate pretty much any flower , but roses were her favorite . It didn 't matter where I put them . She 'd knock the vase over , spilling all the water , and munch away . The most interesting Ernie habit started when she was about six months old . She would jump up onto my dresser , bat at the drawer handle until she got it open , and flick all my underwear onto the floor . She loved to chew the elastic out . Seriously , peeps , I took this picture of her tossing my skivvies . During that time I took classes at the community college , too , and I can remember coming home dog tired only to find the apartment trashed and Ernie stuck at the top of a drapery rod , yowling her fool head off . It was a miracle that we didn 't get booted out of that apartment . Is anyone else finding these updates redundant ? I am , a bit . I do think the accountability does me some good . Having said that , I lost . 8 pounds this week , bringing my total to 13 . 6 pounds since the beginning of the year . I had set a goal of 20 pounds by our Disney trip , but with the vacation coming up fast , that just isn 't going to happen . I 'm okay with that , as the changes I 've made are changes I can live with long term , rather than a quick fix type of diet . I 'll take the slow and steady path if it means I won 't have to go through this every couple years . We 're getting excited for the trip . The community we 're staying in has a nice workout room and I have arranged a buddy to exercise with me . Just one problem : I work out at home in my jammy pants and a sports bra . I don 't want to do that on vacation , LOL . They will kick me out for sure . So this morning , I shopped for workout wear on eBay . I 'm afraid I got a little carried away . I just got so many great deals ! Looks like I hit it at the right time , because one woman listed half a dozen new items , in my size , for about half of what I 'd have to pay from the vendor . I bought them all . Yeah , I got carried away . I was pretty happy about not having to schlep out to the mall and hunt for bargains , until an hour later when I bent over and felt the underwire in my bra go " snap " . I only have two bras . Looks like I 'll be going to the mall after all . Sigh . Bright and early this morning , the roofers will start the tear off on our tornado damages shingles . Being us , naturally , there 's an issue . The contractor has not provided the written contract we ( meaning " I " ) asked for . We 've used this guy before , so Walker isn 't hung up on having a contract , but there is no way I will allow anyone to work on my home without a contract . We called him and he assured us he 'll have the paperwork in hand when they get here this morning . Cross your fingers for us . I 'd really like something to go smoothly ~ I had to take these photos through the patio door , so the quality is not the best , but I really enjoyed watching this sweet couple build their nest . It was amazing to me , the way they worked together . They collected twigs into a pile on the roof , then one of the birds passed twigs , one at a time , to the other bird , who created the nest . It was really cool to watch . Unfortunately , we had to evict them later that day . Why ? Well , the roofer stopped by to let us know that due to the unseasonably warm weather , we will be getting our new roof on Monday . There were no eggs in the nest , so we felt it best to remove it and force the birds to relocate for their own protection . Posted by This week all I lost was the pound I gained last week , making my grand total 12 . 8 pounds and my total for the month of March . 8 pounds . I don 't know what 's going on , because I did lots of exercise this week and stayed under my calorie limit every day except Saturday . We spent Saturday cleaning the garage and Walker ran for fast food when we took a break . I thought I was pretty safe with a breakfast burrito of scrambled eggs , cheese , and salsa on a tortilla ( from which I pulled off all the bits that overlapped , so I would guess I ate maybe 2 / 3 of the tortilla part ) . When I entered it into SparkPeople , it came up at 480 calories . Really ? I would have guessed it around 300 . There looks to be maybe 2 eggs , a sprinkle of cheddar cheese , and a plop of salsa on the tortilla . I didn 't think the calories would be so high . Of course , that wasn 't what put me over . The Thin Mints I found in the pantry are what put me over . Even so , my calories for the day equaled what I should have burned for the day , so I should have broken even on Saturday . The rest of the week should have been more of a loss , if you just look at the math . When I logged my exercise on Saturday , a warning popped up on my screen in red lettering : * The number of calories you should eat to manage your weight depends on many factors , including how many calories you burn through exercise . It may seem counterintuitive , but eating too little while burning too much can actually hurt your weight - management goals and the outcome of your fitness program . If you are consistently burning more calories than recommended here , please update your fitness settings as soon as possible . This may adjust your calorie ranges ( if necessary ) so you can reach your goals in a timely and healthy manner . Okay , so apparently SparkPeople is telling me that I did too much exercise for what I ate last week . My weekly goal is to burn 550 calories through exercise , and instead I burned 1 , 914 . Love that bike trail . But still , not much progress at the scale . Walker 's theory is that I 'm toning and building muscle . He says that I look thinner , regardless of what the scale says . I did have to pull a couple clothing pieces from the closet . One of my tops is so gappy in the neckline that I run the risk of flashing my girls every time I reach for something . And the Capris I 've been wearing around the house are too loose . The other night I put my keys in my pocket so I could take my walk and the pants fell down . My key ring isn 't all that heavy , maybe four keys and the fob for my car . So the pants went into the rummage sale box . My goal for this week is pretty much the same as last week : keep up the exercise , no matter what . I 'm going to tell Walker no more fast food , too . There 's just no telling how that stuff is prepared . I can do my own cooking , and I think I 'll be better for it . Posted by So Thursday , I 'm in bed , waiting for sleep , watching TV . I kept flipping channels , looking for something that would not spark my interest to the point that I 'd stay awake . As I went past the shopping channels , the presentation on HSN caught my eye . They were showing a set that included shampoo , conditioner , and a hairbrush for under $ 20 . The list of botanicals included things like rosemary extract and argan oil , great for your hair and usually pretty expensive . I 'm loyal to my brand of hair stuff , but I 'm thinking this set might be good for Walker . I 'm trying to decided if I 'll remember to check it out when I wake up or should I write myself a note when the camera pulls back and there 's a dog in the shot , getting groomed . Yes , peeps , Royal Treatment Haircare is a line of dog shampoo . And I almost bought it for Walker . And when I told him about it , he asked if I ordered it anyway . Sigh . Seventy degrees . Sunny . Bicycle trails open . Bike tires pumped up . Water bottle chilled . Off we go . If I 'm dreaming , please don 't wake me up ! So I gained a pound this week . There , I said it . I wasn 't happy to see the scale tick up , but I know it happens . I 'm not going to sweat it . I do need to find a way to either log my foods in Spark People throughout the day , or make a full - day menu so I stay within my limits . What happened a couple of times this week was , I wrote down everything I ate and entered it all into Spark People at once , at the end of the day , only to discover I went over my calorie goal . At that point , all I can do is more exercise . There were a couple nights when , honestly , I didn 't have it in me to get on the elliptical that late in the day . The truth is , I 've been doing the same workouts and eating the same food since the beginning of the year and it 's getting a little tired . I need to start shaking things up . Warmer weather will help . I spent most of the afternoon outside , working in the yard . I know I 'll be sore tomorrow , but it 's a good kind of sore . Walker is off tomorrow and I 've asked him to get out my bicycle and check the tires . They usually need air after the winter . I love bike riding outside . I can 't wait to hit the trails . I consider this whole process to be a learning experience . I just need to figure out what works for me , as far as my eating habits . Growing up , my mom fed us carefully balanced meal with a protein , a starch , and a veggie . We always had milk with supper and we always had dessert , even if it was just canned fruit . We didn 't have formal exercise but we were sent outside to play pretty much all the time , though that might be just because there were five of us , we were loud , and my mom would have sold her soul for peace and quiet . None of us were overweight as kids . As adults ? All five of us have had some degree of overweight . These days , who knows what you 're supposed to eat ? I remember when eggs were bad for you , so no more than two per week . Now ? Not so much . Eggs are a great source of protein ! There are the folks who encourage whole grain , but they are offset by the folks who say not to eat grain at all . Ever . Red meat ? Depends on who you ask . I even had a doctor tell me not to eat fruit more than occasionally , since it had so much fructose . Spark People gives daily menu suggestions , which I didn 't follow at first because we had lots of food in the freezer and the pantry . Now , though , I think I 'll at least consult the menus when I make out the weekly grocery list . My plan for this week is set a daily goal each night . I 'm going to think about the goal , what I need to do to accomplish it , and what obstacles may be in my way . For tomorrow 's goal , I am going to make sure I get in more than my required 10 , 000 steps . I hate walking in the rain , so if the weather is wet , I 'll go to the big warehouse grocery store after work and walk the aisles . I 'm usually the only one shopping at that time of night , so who cares if I go down every aisle , twice ? Onward ! I consider myself lucky to be able to wear blue jeans to work . I work in an office , but at night the dress code is much more relaxed than during the day . Since I wear jeans on my days off , too , I only need to maintain one wardrobe , rather than the separate " professional " , " business casual " , and " casual " wardrobes that I had during my years at the bank . When I decided the time had come to get serious about losing weight , I decided no more clothes shopping until I had dropped at least one size . It didn 't matter that I only had two pair of jeans in my closet , since everybody knows ten pounds is a size and I could do that in a month . Except I didn 't . I lost eight pounds the first month , and four the second . My clothes are loose , but I haven 't dropped a size . I thought , okay , maybe fifteen pounds . Well , I 'm down thirteen and not even close to a smaller size . So on Wednesday , when I tore one of my two pair of jeans , I knew I had to bite the bullet and go shopping . I decided to go to Kohl 's , because they carry the jeans I like ( Lee Comfort Waist ) and they have pretty good prices . Kohl 's is close to my office , so I went during my dinner break on Friday . I tried on all kinds of jeans , not just the ones I usually get , and some of the brands were too big in my size . But when I tried the same ones in a smaller size , I could not get them zipped up . I don 't mean they were uncomfortable , I mean I literally could not get them zipped up . They were that much too small . Heaven help me when these pants get looser , as it will be a long time until I can fit into anything smaller . In the end , I got one pair of jeans that were identical to the ones I tore . I also got a pair of Capri pants that are a perfect fit and a couple of $ 6 tee shirts for our trip to Florida . Originally I was planning to just wear what I have , but honestly ? I got the clothes out and the tops have seen better days . I realized that I bought them when I had the ginormous fibroid tumor , and that was a couple years ago . I don 't feel bad about picking up some new tops , especially at that price . On the subject of Kohl 's , I just want to mention , I have been in many , many dressing rooms over the years but the mess I saw at Kohl 's on Friday was easily the worst I have ever seen . The dressing rooms were dirty . Not just cluttered , but dirty . Dirty mirrors , dust bunnies that were more like dust kangaroos all over the floor . I was trying on pants , but I hated to take my shoes off on that filthy floor . My socks got grimy in the fifteen minutes I was hopping around in there . And dust wads weren 't the only problem . There were hangers and pins on the floor . The first dressing room I went in had a pile of clothes on the floor that could double as a crash pad . The second room wasn 't so bad , only maybe a dozen pieces on the hooks and the floor . I cleaned it out before I tried my stuff on . The " back on the rack " rack , where you 're supposed to put the things you don 't want to purchase , was crammed full . I had to put my rejects into a wire bForty Pound Sack Remember my quest to shoot the moon ? The moon was full and bright , so I decided to give it another go . I love the cloud formations , but the moon didn 't come out so well . Tell me if any of y ' all did this : When I was a kid , we got our snow boots from Kmart . At the time , that was the only affordable option for a family with five kids and not a lot of money . So we got these cheap boots , and if we were lucky they lasted two years . Sort of . About this time of year , when the snow turned to slush and spring rains came , those cheap plastic boots that were on their second season started to split . Little cracks along the sides , cracks in the soles , once in a while a heel coming apart . Well , with just a couple weeks left of winter , there was no way my mom would be buying new boots . Out came the bread bags . My mom would save the plastic bags from long loaves of bread , turned inside out and brushed clean of bread crumbs , until one of us kids would start showing up with damp socks . Then she 'd have us slide the bread bags over our socks , pull on the boots , and turn the tops of the bread bag down like a cuff over the top of the boot so it wouldn 't slip down . The bread bags got us through til spring , and they made it a heck of a lot easier to get the boots on . Sitting here , typing this out , I can just about smell that row of damp plastic boots by our front door . I wonder if kids still do that , wear bread bags inside their boots . Of course , these days I don 't know a whole lot of kids who walk to school . Most of my friends drive their kids . I bet they don 't know the fun they 're missing , walking those five or six blocks to school . I was watching TV yesterday when a commercial came on that had me literally bouncing in my seat . TNT is bringing back one of my all time favorite shows - Dallas ! ! ! I know , I need a hobby . Dallas was the first soap of any kind that I actually watched . I had alternating crushes on both Bobby and Ray . I loved how they were rugged and tender at the same time . I wanted to live at Southfork and go to the Ewing barbeque and learn to ride horses and dress for dinner in fabulous outfits . Oh , I cannot wait for summer , when the new episodes will air . Looks like they got several of the original cast members . Never mind that I work nights - I have a VCR . Hopefully I can find some VCR tapes somewhere , LOL . Bring on the drama , TNT ! I 'll be waiting . . . . . It is absolutely gorgeous outside right now . I got up early so I could spend some time outdoors . I decided to clean up the garden , which gets just trashed with leaves and debris over the winter . I got out a large bucket for the trash and got to work . An hour later , I had the front of the house done . I was surprised at how much green there was this early in the season . Moving around the yard , I found our river birch shedding it 's bark . And then I noticed something that I did not want to see . It 's not easy to spot from this photo , but you can see the dark , meandering lines in the grass . These are mouse trails , made under the snow . They go right up to the house , to the dryer vent . Which does not have a screen . I bought a screen , but Walker didn 't think we needed to use it . It 's on now . I just hope Mickey Jr has not taken up residence in our basement . Tomorrow , the warm temps are expected to continue , but we 're also expecting rain . I am very grateful for the sciences that make it possible to know , in advance , what to expect . I am so happy to have been able to enjoy this day . It will be a while until we get another one . My official Sunday weigh in didn 't happen , because I forgot about it and drank a large glass of water when I took my morning meds followed by a Coke Zero half an hour later . Coke Zero is my morning coffee . But I 'm a bad dieter who weighs nearly every day , so I 'm just going to use Saturday 's number , which means my unofficial loss this week is 1 . 8 pounds . Wahoo ! I believe my total is now 12 . 8 pounds . I 'm having a hard time keeping up with Spark People . I don 't have a smart phone or any of those nifty tablets that would allow me to record my meals in real time . So I carry around a little notepad and write all my foods down , intending to input the info when I get home . Which works if I don 't forget my notepad at the office . Sigh . It 's not so bad on normal weeks but last week was especially busy . I think I got everything entered in , eventually . Entering everything at the end of the day has one big drawback : it 's very easy to go over the calorie limit when you aren 't monitoring it through the day . To get around that I pretty much eat the same couple of things every day . So far , that 's working , but I 'm going to have to come up with more options at some point . When I was a kid , the adults always talked about how time was moving so fast . I never understood that . It seemed like forever , waiting for a holiday or the first snow or school to let out for the summer . The days were long and deep , and I didn 't appreciate it . I do now , but now it 's rare that I have those long , lazy days . It was another one of those manic weeks where I went in to the office early , stayed late , and did very little else . By the time Friday rolled around I was wiped out , but it still didn 't feel like a whole week was in the can already . The weekends go just as fast , leaving me shaking my head in disbelief once again come Monday . I did my taxes a couple weeks ago , but I couldn 't finalize them because I needed a stock form that wasn 't ready until mid February . When I logged back into Turbo Tax and added the info from that ONE form , something went wonky and now my taxes show half a dozen errors . I 've been through them literally a dozen times , but I can 't figure out what happened , and I can 't file them like this . Sigh . Nothing comes easy , that 's for sure . I 'm seriously thinking I 'll have to go back to paper and pen . Walker and Diva went out for breakfast Saturday morning so I could sleep in . They followed breakfast with some errands , including grocery shopping . I 'm trying to " lighten " some of our favorite treat recipes , so Diva and I experimented with a chocolate chip oatmeal cookie recipe using yogurt instead of shortening and whole wheat flour . They turned out okay , less sweet than regular cookies , with more of a " granola bar " type flavor . We also made a pizza , with turkey pepperoni , part skim mozzarella , and lots of veggies . Turkey pepperoni has been around for a long time , and it tastes really good , but I don 't know of any pizza places around here that use it . I wish they would - it 's much less greasy that regular pepperoni , but honestly tastes just as good . I don 't mind making pizza homemade , but once in a while it would be nice to order it in and still get a " lighter " version . |
But I could tell , I knew , that the sound I heard that night in my room was not normal . I knew it was something bad . Real bad . It was a creaking sound . I was startled awake . My heart pounded a few times , but then I figured out what it was and I had just enough time to calm down and close my eyes and even forget about it when I heard it again . A creaking . Then the slow " shhhh " of something sliding . My eyes flew open . I bunched up my sheets in my hand . The sliding sound stopped . I pulled my bedsheet over my head . It was summer . I started sweating because it was hot under the sheets . Then it started again . The " shhh " of a door sliding , and a " tick , tick " where it hit a bumpy part . It was my closet door . I froze . I didn 't know what to do . I didn 't want to look . I didn 't want to make a sound . But if I didn 't do something … whatever was opening the closet door would get me . I stayed under the covers and started screaming for my mom and dad . The bedroom door slammed open and my dad called my name . I called out to him . I still wouldn 't get out from under the covers . Something touched me and I screamed , but my mom told me it was just her . I threw off the covers and hugged her . Brightness flooded the room as my dad flipped the light switch on . Mom asked me if I 'd had a nightmare . It took me a few minutes to recover . I couldn 't catch my breath . And I was crying . The tears of fear . They just streamed out . When I finally calmed down enough to tell them what had happened , my dad looked at the closet . It was just across from my bed , so sitting up , I could see it too . The door was closed , just how it had been when I went to bed a few hours before . When he reached for the handle , I think I must have whimpered or cried out . My mom held me tighter and shushed me gently . Dad pulled the closet door handle and slid the door open . He reached in and clicked on the closet light . It was a strong light and I could see the whole closet . There was nothing there . My dad felt past all my clothes and toys to the back of the closet . He bent down and checked the back corners . He looked up and checked the closet ceiling . He may have been humoring me , but he was being thorough about it . After he was done , my parents switched off . Dad sat on my bed holding me , while Mom bent down and checked under the bed . There was a flashlight in my nightstand drawer . She used it to sweep light back and forth . Another thorough search . I told them there was nothing down there . I didn 't want them to think I was making anything up , or just randomly scared of being in my room alone . My dad checked the window too , but it was still latched and locked . All seemed well , so they told me to try and get some sleep . But when I thought of them leaving , I couldn 't handle it . I begged them to stay . Mom said I could keep all the lights on . I begged at least one of them to stay with me . Dad said I could keep the door open and the hallway lights on too . Finally , I begged if I could sleep with them in their room , even though I didn 't think I 'd sleep at all . They looked at each other . Then they gave in and let me bring my pillow and blanket to their room . I started settling into the sofa chair , but my dad shook his head and patted the space on the bed between him and my mom . He wasn 't afraid of a monster getting me . He was afraid I would mess up my back at a young age . It happened again the next night , and the next . My parents tried to reason with me . They tried to explain that there were no real monsters . And even if there were , they wouldn 't be able to vanish into thin air when adults came barging in . It made sense , but at the same time , I knew something was after me . It never made a sound . I couldn 't even hear it breathing . I never saw it . I always hid . But I knew it was there . I knew it . Then one day , I came home after school and my dad showed me , to my horror , that he had fixed the closet door , so it wouldn 't creak and scare me anymore . He didn 't know that it wasn 't the creaking that scared me . It was the thing that had caused the creaking , and now I had no way of telling if it was coming for me . I wouldn 't hear the warning . That night , I didn 't even try to sleep in the room . After Mom and Dad kissed me goodnight and left the desk lamp on , and after Dad proudly showed me how quiet the closet door was , and after they both checked the closet and then under the bed for monsters , I sat awake with a flashlight in my hands pointed right at the closet . I waited until I thought my parents were settled into bed . Then I snuck out of my room as quietly as I could and went downstairs . I don 't know why I felt safer on the living room couch . I somehow made up limits for the thing in my mind . I thought it wouldn 't go so far as to creep out of my room and come downstairs . I figured it wanted easy pickings . It might even be afraid of light . That might be why it jumped back into the closet when my parents came in . I had my watch on and I had set the alarm to go off before my parents got up . I would sneak back up to my room . I 'd be safe in the morning light . I did that for almost a week and my parents didn 't know . They didn 't change their schedules a lot back then . Then one day , they were called in for a parent - teacher conference . When they drove me home , they told me what my teacher had said . That I must not have been sleeping well and so I was yawning and getting drowsy during my lessons . My parents said I looked exhausted . They blamed themselves for not noticing sooner and I felt bad for fooling them . I came clean with them . That only seemed to make them feel worse for not noticing what their kid was up to in the middle of the night . They told me it was temporary because I had to be independent sometime , but I could sleep in their room for a while , so I could get enough rest . I remember how good it felt to sleep , to sleep in a bed , and not be scared . I couldn 't do it without them . Even on the couch , I kept waking up every now and then , thinking I heard something , thinking I saw a shadow . I 'd had to turn the TV on a few times and leave it on mute . A couple of weeks later , there was another parent - teacher conference and this time , my parents were happy afterwards . My grades were improving . I was eating more . I had enough energy to run around during recess . Things were good until my parents started hinting that I could go back to sleeping in my room . I started dreading it , but I knew there was nothing I could say to convince my parents not to make me do it . Sometimes I would get angry with them and think it would serve them right if I got kidnapped by a monster . Then they would be sorry . But it wasn 't their fault that they didn 't believe me . Kids make stuff up . People make stuff up . And even I hadn 't actually seen the thing , just felt it . I had thought about telling my best friend a few times , but when it was bright outside and we were at lunch drinking juice and talking about cartoons , the thing didn 't seem real . So it was silly for me to be afraid of something that wasn 't real . It was all in my head , I thought . And she was my first best friend . I didn 't want to mess that up . But my best friend was a good best friend . She noticed that something was weird with me . She kept bugging me to tell her . I finally did . She told me that if I had no choice but to sleep in my own room again , then I needed some protection . The next day , while we were waiting for our folks to pick us up , she handed me a doll . It was all cloth , no creepy plastic head with creepy moving glass eyes . I smiled because she was so pretty . She had purple hair , a willowy dress , and a clenched fist at the end of one arm and tattoos along the other arm . The doll was smiling too . She looked sweet and tough at the same time . She looked cool . I instantly felt better and I hugged my best friend and thanked her . It was such a relief to tell my friend and get her understanding . On top of all that , I actually did feel safer with the doll in my room that night . I was able to fall asleep , but then in the middle of the night , I came fully awake and I was afraid . I lay still , listening , but I heard nothing . I strained to hear sliding , creaking , anything . I heard nothing . I felt nothing . The room didn 't suddenly go pitch dark or chilly . For all I knew , I could throw back the covers and look and there would be nothing there . But I knew , I just knew that something was in my room . Something was moving in my room . I felt it . And then . I jumped and gasped at the sound of the voice . It sounded like a girl , much older than me , but still young . It sounded strong , firm . And it sounded angry . I tried to gulp but my throat was bone dry . Still I heard no movement , no sound other than the voice , and my own heart beating . There was no light save the night light . It was no dimmer or brighter than before . There was a sudden bright light . Then the sound of shuffling . Then sliding and a slam . The closet door had closed . My room suddenly felt different . Emptier . I didn 't want to look . I was certain the thing was gone , but I didn 't want to look . I was still scared . But not of the voice . I pushed down the covers and clutched them . I had taken the doll to bed . I remember hugging her in my arms . I remember feeling almost as safe as if my parents were with me . She was on the floor . I must have pushed her off or dropped her . I got on my knees and looked over the edge of my bed as if I were peaking over the edge of a cliff . I started to cry , as much out of gratitude as out of fear and confusion . But I didn 't want my parents to hear , so I cried quietly . I reached down for the doll and held her to my chest and cried . And when I was done , I gave her the only repayment I had . " That 's okay . You can call me ' Violet ' if that 's what you like . It 's fun to have different names sometimes . " I started by asking about her powers . There was a boy at school who sometimes ran by me and tugged on my hair when my mom put it in braids . My best friend told him to leave me alone , but he wouldn 't . I didn 't have the guts then to tell him myself . That stupid boy wasn 't nearly as scary as the thing in my closet , but I asked Vanessa if she could help . I got scared by that thought , too scared to really even understand why I was scared . I asked Vanessa if I could lend her to any kids I knew of who thought they might have the same problem , a monster problem . She had no objection to helping other kids , but she warned me that she could only help those who could hear her voice , and not many did . That doll was precious to me . Even when my best friend moved away , I had Vanessa to remember her by . Even after I lost touch with my best friend , I still had Vanessa . I collected a hamper full of other toys , a giant stuffed Bassett hound , little stuffed baby chicks , even " monsters , " but Vanessa was always my favorite . She was their leader . I stopped hearing the sound of her voice , but I never stopped hearing her voice in my thoughts . She helped me defeat different monsters - math problems and stuff . She was always the voice of encouragement , giving strength , giving heart . I was getting close to entering high school when I started donating all of my childhood toys and posters and the like . I kept Vanessa . I decided I 'd even take her to college . Then it happened . That dog . I loved that dog , but she found Vanessa . After all the years I 'd managed to protect my toys from her predatory jaws . I came home from whatever afterschool activity I was doing . My mom , who always thought I was sentimental about the doll because my first best friend gave her to me , broke the news . She showed me the pieces . I gave our dog a dark look . He cocked his head at me cluelessly and blinked his eyes asymmetrically . Dammit Dasher , I forgive you . I took the remains to my room and placed them in a drawer , determined to put her back together again . And for the first time in a long time , I heard the voice , not as an inner voice that I could only " hear " with my mind , but as the clear and twinkly voice that my ears heard . I smiled . It had been a while . I had forgotten how comforting her voice was , my friend 's voice . Then I got excited . There was so much I had never discussed with Vanessa , so much I had never asked before , because I was too young to know the right questions . Or to care perhaps . I started with the niceties of asking how she was and if she needed anything and as usual , she answered honestly . She was fairly well and needed nothing . So I burst out with the intrusive questions . " I know , but what manner of being are you ? Are you … a ghost ? What do you look like ? Do you look like your doll ? " If so , I wanted to ask about the tattoos and whatever she was holding in her hand all those years . I was a happy kid , a tortured teen , and a melodramatic young woman . As I grew up , I had many a doubt and demon hounding me with dark thoughts . I had low self - esteem . But I also still had that core of hope and striving . There was always that little voice inside that told me I could do it , when it seemed the rest of the world told me I couldn 't . That little voice that believed in me and understood me when my loved ones didn 't . The little voice that told me I was worthy , when the rest of the world seemed not to notice me at all . Every now and then , I would remember Vanessa , my imaginary childhood friend , and I would smile and thank her for whispering words of encouragement . I 'd imagine that instead of having an angel and a devil sitting on my shoulders and influencing me , I had a little fairy - like girl , with purple hair and a tattooed arm , whispering in my ear . After a while , I didn 't really believe she was real . I believed it was just me , my inner voice , telling me to take heart and have courage . I always thought that if I started hearing voices again , it would be because something traumatic and life - changing had happened . But life was going well , the waters were fairly smooth and calm , when the tiny familiar voice returned several years after the last time I 'd heard it . I was working full - time , not at my dream job , but at a good one . All was good with my loved ones . I was starting to take care of myself in the usual boring way that everyone should - getting regular check - ups , taking my meds , eating well , exercising . There was stress . As there always is . But nothing I couldn 't handle . I started hearing the voice in my head encouraging me , calming my doubts , challenging me . Then one day , when I sat in front of an empty canvas in the office that my roommate and I shared in our place , watching the clock , thinking about an approaching deadline that was catching up to me , I sat back and sighed . And a voice spoke as clearly as if someone were in the room with me . I started and looked around . Sound carried funny in our place . Sometimes when people on the walkway below would be speaking , it sounded as if they were in my bedroom . It freaked me out the first time I heard it . But I knew this voice . She wasn 't out there somewhere . She was in the room with me . I glanced around the office then and up in the air . " Vanessa , " I said . I already knew it was her . " What can I do for you , old friend ? " " Are you going to throw out a bunch of brilliant ideas ? Are you my muse ? " I was still trying to figure her out instead of just accepting her as I 'd done when we first met . She said she had been away from me for a while and wanted to catch up . So we chatted and I started absently painting , and I soon forgot that she was just a voice . My roommate often sat behind as we worked on our separate projects . I was used to chatting with a disembodied voice . It was so easy and natural to accept that Vanessa was real . I not - so - coyly inquired about her time " away , " but when she said she couldn 't discuss it , I let it go . I sometimes wondered if she was a goddess of ancient myth , walking the earth invisibly , charmed by mortals , enough to try to help them . Maybe she had been away helping others . When I suggested it , she laughed and praised my imagination . But I noticed she neither confirmed nor denied my guess . I didn 't press . I trusted she meant good for me . That would have to be enough . We 'd been discussing ice cream flavors . She had never had ice cream in her life . Her life . " That 's doable . I 'm grown now . I 'm afraid of grown - up things . If that thing is real , then tell me what it is . I 'll hit the books and read up on its weaknesses and how to defeat it , and then I 'll face it . But why do you need for me to do this ? Will it help you ? " She laughed . " You have asked before . That and many other questions I long to answer but can 't . You have a bad memory for one so young . " " Monsters stalk many children . But rarely do they have the power to reach them . The simple tools of light and love are enough to drive them away . And the strength one gains in growing up is enough to keep them away . But there are a few children now and then , who are especially vulnerable . " " I don 't know . Perhaps it 's how you were born . Perhaps it 's where you lived . There is no one reason . You inhabit the same space . You are … reachable . That 's also why you can hear me . " Vanessa laughed again . It was musical and twinkly . More like a bird than a monster . " Yes , I like your way of thinking . There are good monsters . I am one . Or so I try to be . " Her answered startled me . She had never told me what she was before . A good monster . Still a vague answer . I told her I would do it . I would face my childhood nightmare for her . What I told her was true . I wasn 't afraid of monsters the way I used to be ( the same was true of bugs ) . I could face it . I owed Vanessa that much . When we first met , I told her she had saved me . She said I might save her one day in turn . Maybe that day had come . And maybe the why was not my business . Only the how . We wasted no time . I was off from my day job for a few days . So I had time for an ancient ritual or two before getting back to the grind . Vanessa instructed me . The thing had no name and no set appearance . Its shape was determined by my fear , so she could not tell me anything about it . Not even its strengths or weaknesses . She said I would know it when I saw it . I would feel it . I had to return to the place where I first encountered it . My parents still lived in the same house . I returned home to a surprised but grateful mother ( my dad was at a work conference ) . I had to stay in my old bedroom . I hadn 't had trouble sleeping in that room since Vanessa banished the thing that was after me . But that would be a problem if I just conked out without any conscious control . Vanessa said I needed to control my actions in my dreams , to move with purpose . I had tried lucid dreaming a few times , to no avail . I would have to try again . I had read it helped to have a totem handy to focus on . Something I could hold onto in the waking world and take with me into the dream . It may seem morbid , but the thing I took was Vanessa 's hand . The doll 's hand , that is . The one that had gotten torn off when my dog destroyed the doll . The doll I 'd meant to put back together again , but never did . I had saved the parts . The doll 's right hand had gotten the stuffing torn out of it . The left hand , from the tattooed arm , was open and whole . When I wrapped my fist around it , it felt as if Vanessa was with me , holding my hand . I was in my apartment , but it wasn 't the same . The living area was bare of all furniture . There was just a desk lamp in one corner and it was turned on . There were a few boxes beside it and an open laptop on the floor . It was as if I 'd just moved in . I looked at the laptop screen . Something seemed strange about it , but I couldn 't reason out what . The kitchen was dark . I tried switching some lights on , but they didn 't seem to be working . I saw the shadows of dirty dishes in the sink . Beyond the kitchen should have been a section of hallway leading onto my humble balcony . But now it led to another room , a room with a pile of clothes in the center , and beyond that room was a door that led to a bathroom , and beside the bathtub was another door that led to another room . I walked through all the rooms until I got to the bathroom . It was dimly lit . A bath was drawn . It looked warm and inviting . I reached out to feel the water and realized that I couldn 't use my right hand to do that , because I was holding something . I looked at my fist . I wanted to open it and look at what I was holding , but I got distracted by the excitement of having all the new rooms in my place . I wondered if my roommate had seen them . I started walking into the next room , a darkened bedroom . There was another door opposite to the one where I stood . I moved toward it and when I went through I was suddenly in some kind of warehouse . Again , it was night . There was dim light coming through some windows , I think . I wasn 't supposed to be there . I was trespassing . I tried looking for a door ahead . It didn 't occur to me to go back . That wasn 't possible . I had to move onward . Going back would get me nowhere . And I had to be somewhere . I thought I heard something . People moving through the warehouse . I ducked down behind some shelves and stacked boxes until they passed . I saw a door . I tried to move stealthily toward it , but I was moving fairly quickly and making a bit of noise . I had to hurry . I felt urgency for some reason . I saw beyond the door and the windows that flanked it . It was a yard , at first , lush with life , but when I opened it , the yard expanded to a full on grounds . Manicured grass and rampant grass cohabited . A dirt path flanked with stone fountains led me on to a grove of trees . The light was like early morning light on an overcast day , gray and bluish . I walked onward . The path climbed slightly . The grove became a forest , and the forest began to darken . There was no sound , I realized . And though it was dark , I could somehow see just enough to make my way onward . I walked with my right hand reaching out . I thought it was so I wouldn 't bump into anything , but then I felt as if my hand was being tugged by something . My thoughts were so hazy , so unfocused . I wanted to follow a thought through to the end , but I kept getting distracted . My path kept leading me to something new . I passed a great river with a bridge lying right on top of it , and the bridge bucked and fell with the river waves . I passed a great blaze that was devouring a city of skyscrapers . I was so far away , I could only watch . I could do nothing about it . So I walked onward . And the forest dimmed again and I saw nothing but a dark shape ahead . I felt a twinge of apprehension . But I also felt the urge to follow . Then I saw light ahead . A dim point of light . I moved toward it . It was a soft white light . A rectangle of light , but something was blocking it . My thoughts snapped into focus . I was awake . Or , it felt like waking . I looked ahead . It was too dark to see around the thing . I couldn 't tell if I was still in the forest . The rectangle of light was growing broader . It looked like a doorway , a portal . And the thing , the thing , my enemy , was right there before it . It just looked like a skulking shadow . It moved past the doorway , through it . I rushed toward the thing . I had to catch it . I had to face it . I 'd never been in a physical fight in my whole life , but I had to fight it . I moved closer as quietly as I could . I approached the doorway and looked beyond it . My eyes adjusted to the light and I saw the inside of a room . It was a bedroom . A child 's bedroom . The baby blue paint on the walls . The sliding closet door . I saw a tiny figure lying on the floor . Lying , not standing or facing . I heard a voice . I was at the threshold of the doorway now and I saw the thing skulking toward the bed , where a tiny little heap signified a child hiding beneath the magenta - colored covers . I thought about what I should do and realized that my hands weren 't free . I looked down at the fist of my right hand . I turned my hand around and opened the fist . And there was a tiny little hand . Vanessa 's hand . I knew the thing wouldn 't fall for the bluff . I stuffed the doll 's hand into my pocket and glanced up . And I gaped at what I saw . It was no bluff . I saw her now , standing beside the doll , a figure . She was hazy , flickering . Child - sized herself . Light pulsed off her entire being . That made the thing hesitate . But the figure , Vanessa , was stooped . I couldn 't quite see her . I couldn 't see her face , her features . She seemed weakened somehow . I wasn 't certain she had any powers against the thing . I couldn 't stand by and watch . I had to help her . Help them . The thing looked away from the doll and the figure beside it . I lunged forward and wrapped my arms around the thing . I thought it would melt away like a shadow , but it felt solid and scratchy . Its limbs were like dried tree branches . I yanked it back and found that I was a match for it . It had weight and strength , but so did I , enough to pull it away and back . It struggled against me , making no sound . And I too resisted crying out . I planted my foot on the ground , glanced back toward the closet door , and pushed backward with all my strength . The thing and I tumbled through the open doorway , which slammed shut , leaving us in darkness . I was scared , but I was angry too . This was the thing . The thing that had terrorized me . The thing that had tried to hurt me . I knew I could win , for I remembered never being terrorized by the creature again . So even though I felt its sharp edges slicing and bruising me , I held on to the thing for dear life . It kept changing its height . It was taller than me , then it was shorter . I started punching it randomly . I lost my grip and panicked , but my eyes had adjusted to the dark again , and I saw it trying to scurry away . I jumped on it and dragged it back toward me . I turned it around and pinned it , wondering what horror I 'd see . I had begun wondering if I 'd see my own face , the old cliché of being one 's own worst enemy . But it wasn 't my face I saw . Sometimes , the monster is real . This one was . It was a nightmare thing . Its eyes were red and mean . They sat in a gaunt and vampire - pale face with a bruise along one side . Its teeth were small , rotted , and sharp and they were set in a circle in the thing 's gums . I looked away for a moment , even as I held it pinned to the ground . Now that we weren 't in the bedroom , it cried out and its cry was like a hissing hyena 's laugh . It turned its head to the left and opened its mouth . The inside of its mouth extended out and it clamped down on the skin of my wrist . I cried out in pain and pulled my hand away . The thing let go of my wrist and pushed me off . It leapt up , but I reached out and grabbed its bony ankle . I jerked my hand back and I felled the thing . It seemed to shrink as it fell . I looked at the inside of my wrist . A circle of puncture wounds oozed blood . The thing looked so scared … My rage evaporated . For a moment , I felt sorry for it . I remembered that I had been terrified by it , traumatized . I remembered that I couldn 't sleep , couldn 't rest . But I had defeated it now . I didn 't have to destroy it . I woke slowly . Before I opened my eyes , I let the tears of sadness and relief trickle down into my ear . I was lying on my back . My right hand still felt warm . I had laid it on the creature , the way a preacher lays a hand of healing on a parishioner . A hand of purging . That 's all I did . I didn 't strike it . I didn 't punch it or choke it or hurt it . I wanted to . But I didn 't . I just lay my hand on the creature . But I did take satisfaction in watching it bubble and burn and melt away before my eyes . One less monster to trouble the dreams of the young . There was no answer . I lay there for a while longer , and then , not realizing how exhausted I was , I fell asleep . When I woke , it was morning . I didn 't remember having any dreams . I called for Vanessa again , but I knew I would hear nothing . Nothing but my own voice . But that was all right . We 'd said our goodbyes . My own voice was strong enough now . I had learned from her how to speak to myself . I winced as I got up . I felt a sting on my left arm . I checked it and saw a circle of pinprick welts on the inside of my wrist . I frowned . I checked my pocket , but there was no doll 's hand . I was glad that I had helped Vanessa . But it didn 't sit well with me that I had no remembrance of her but had a permanent remembrance of that cursed creature . But I knew what to do . My friend had showed me . When the wounds healed , I went to a tattoo parlor . I 'd always wanted to get a tattoo , but could never decide what or where . I 'd always liked butterflies . That 's what Vanessa 's name meant . Butterfly . I asked for a Blue Swallowtail - with a good helping of unnatural purple - wings outstretched , to cover up those ugly bite marks . To cover and defeat them . The artist was a genius . The butterfly was beautiful , vivid , and luminescent . If Vanessa really were a butterfly , I was sure she would look like that . " So be it , " I said , looking down at the tattoo after it was all healed and ready to show off . People would want the story behind the tattoo . I would tell it . 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Here is a picture that my FIL took of my 6 year old . The 4 year old didn 't want any cotton candy . He said it was too " hairy . " I ended up eating most of his . Good thing FIL didn 't take a picture of me afterwards ! Tonight we went to the Mariners Game . They beat the Red Sox , so it was a good game . Well , a good game if you 're a Mariners fan . ( Technically I 'm a Yankees fan , but I 'm slowing converting to a Mariners fan . ) The people sitting in front of us were Red Sox fans : ( Actually , there were quite a few Red Sox fans at the game . There was even a few times when it seemed like the crowd was singing " let 's go Red Sox ! " I was surprised because I 've never heard a crowd cheering so loudly for the away team before . . . even at a Yankees and Mets game ! My kids had a great time . I got lots of comments from people around us saying how cute they are and how well behaved they were . At one point , the 6 year old shouted , " I hope Ichiro scores a point ! " The girl behind us started laughing and making fun of him . But when she saw him so sad , she apologized , smiled and said , " I hope he scores a point too ! " It was cute and made him feel better . It 's a good thing we didn 't make fun of her earlier . When a player named " Cairo " was up , she said , " Oh Look ! His name is Cairo , just like the country ! " Somewhere around the 7th inning the kids were sitting under the seats . They were reading books in their tent . They weren 't bothering anyone and I didn 't think much about it . Then my 4 year old spilled his drink and the floor was wet . So I made the kids sit back in the seats . The drink made the floor in front of him wet , but that was the only thing that was wet . I didn 't think much about it . About an hour later , the game was over , the Mariners won and we picked up our stuff and left . As we were walking out , the girl sitting in front of us said that her bag was wet from the drink my son spilled . I guess after an hour , it dripped down to the floor of the seats in front of us . I felt a little bad , but because of the way she was yelling at me , I just smiled and kept walking . Then she shouted , " watch your d @ mn kids ! " Ok , this made me a little angry . I gave her a dirty look but didn 't say anything . Then my husband comes over and says loud enough for her to hear , " SPosted by My in - laws arrived from Japan this morning . They bring great gifts and spoil everyone ! So not much time to write ( but who is really surfing the net on Memorial Day weekend anyway ? ? ) . Here 's something my 4 year old asked me the other day when we went to the store to buy eggs , " Do eggs give you eczema ? " It was hard not to laugh . He was soooo serious ! What a cute little Frankenstein I have ! ; ) My 4 year old is feeling much better today . Here he is smiling on the couch . And here is a picture of the Frankenstein scar behind his ear . He saw this picture on my computer screen and asked me what it was . When I told him it was the boo boo behind his ear , he started to cry . It 's a good thing he can 't see behind his ear ! It does look much better today . The bruising and swelling have gone down a lot and he hasn 't complained about it hurting at all . So now that he is feeling better , I got an email from my kindergartner 's teacher . He got hit in the head with the swing at recess . They put some ice on it and he 's ok . You know these things always happen in threes . Don 't worry , we took care of # 3 this afternoon . My kindergartner tried to lock me out of the house . He pushed against the door to the garage . I pushed back and it hit him on the forehead . More ice and again he 's fine . But that was # 3 . So that 's it for me . Now it must be someone else 's turn ! Last night was a lot of fun . Yes , that is sarcasm you hear . After my kids took about 40 minutes to eat a simple dinner , I started their bath . My 6 year got undressed and went right in the tub . The 4 year old put his foot in the water and then changed his mind . He said it was too hot . So he sat on the edge of the tub and fell backwards . He landed on his ear on the footstool in the bathroom . He was crying . a . lot . I knew immediately that this was no ordinary fall . The blood gushing on the bathroom rug helped me figure that out , and the screams and cries too . I tried to get a look at his ear , but there was too much blood . I told my older son to hurry and get washed . I called my neighbor . She couldn 't hear my talking , but she could hear the screaming and knew something was wrong . She 's a great neighbor ! She took my 6 year old and I rushed the 4 year old to the ER . ( This is the same neighbor who has been known to call me around 8 or 9 at night and tell me to meet her at the end of the driveway with my wine glass . After that , I told my husband that we are never going to move . ) At the ER they " glued " my son 's ear back on . It wasn 't completely off . The front was still attached . Today you can 't tell anything was wrong if you saw him from the front , but a look from the back and he might be mistaken for Frankenstein . It 's a good thing he can 't see it himself . His older brother is very freaked out about it . The older brother said , " I thought they were going to fix his ear at the hospital ? Why does it still look like that ? " Of course this drama is not helping to reduce my stress and ease my migraines . I 've had a headache since about dinner time last night . Did I mention that my in - laws are coming from Japan this weekend ? And Sunday is my husband 's 40th birthday ? Yeah , I might have a few things that I need to get done this week . Today I did manage to get some more cleaning done . I cleaned out the fridge . I took everything off the shelves and cleaned them in the sink . I was a little afraid to take out the shelves . They 're glass andPosted by I have good news . I know you have all been up at night wondering when it will finally come down and last night it did . It came down and I threw it in the trash . I 'm very relieved that it came down before my in - laws arrive in 3 days . I might be a little embarrassed to still have Easter decorations up . Yes , I 'm talking about the Easter balloon that my kids removed the string from and then sent it up to the skylight on top of the staircase . It 's the end of May ( I know I just heard a few people say , " wait ! It 's only the middle of May ! " But check your calendar , May 21st counts as the end of the May ! ) So you can all sleep better tonight knowing that the balloon is finally down . It could be worse . My neighbor said her son had ( notice the past tense there ) a nerf gun that shoots suction cup darts . One dart stuck to her skylight and it never came down . Wouldn 't it be fun to get her son a new nerf suction cup dart gun for his birthday ? ; ) You think that might be a little funny ? mean ? cruel ? Guess what my son got for his birthday last month . . . A nerf suction cup dart gun . He 's not allowed to play with it inside the house . I prefer suction cup darts to be stuck in the gutter thankyouverymuch . On another note , this weekend my kids opened a new box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch . Did you know that Cinnamon Toast Crunch has put speed racer cars inside specially marked boxes ? No ? My kids saw the box and since it shows 4 different cars , they weren 't satisfied with finding one car . There must be 3 more cars in the box ! I came downstairs to find the kitchen table covered in sugar . My 6 year old was quick to tell me that his brother got the only car that was in the cereal box . He was sure the second , third and fourth cars were still in the box , because that 's what the picture showed . He wanted me to search for it . The sugar covered table gave me a hint that he had already searched . My husband sat down and poured himself a bowl of cereal . I questioned my son : " Did you already get the car out of the cereal box ? " My son : " Yes , but only one aPosted by A friend forwarded this email to me and I thought it was funny . Enjoy ! THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIESSix married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks . Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes . There is no fast food . Each man must take care of his 3 kids ; keep his assigned house clean , correct all homework , and complete science projects , cook , do laundry , and pay a list of ' pretend ' bills with not enough money . In addition , each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week . Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives , and send cards out on time - - no emailing . Each man must also take each child to a doctor 's appointment , dentist appointment and a haircut appointment . He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care . He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function . Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house , planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times . The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done . The men must shave their legs , wear makeup daily , adorn himself with jewelry , wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes , keep fingernails polished and eyebrows groomed . During one of the six weeks , the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps , back aches , and have extreme , unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties . They must attend weekly school meetings , church , and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting . They will need to read a book to the kids each night and in the morning , feed them , dress them , brush their teeth and comb their hair by 7 : 00 am . A test will be given at the end of the six weeks , and each father will be required to know all of the following information : each child 's birthday , height , weight , shoe size , clothes size and doctor 's name . Also the child 's weight at birth , length , time of birth , and lPosted by Ah , it 's Monday again ! The day when my husband goes back to work and my son goes to school and it 's just me and the 4 year old home alone . The day when I get my house back in order . I have time to clean and organize or I could end up spending all morning at the pediatrician 's office and never actually see a doctor ! My 4 year old got a rash this weekend . Mostly some small red bumps on his forehead and the back of his neck . At first , I only noticed that it was red and I assumed he had a little sunburn . Then I saw the bumps and the more I looked at it , the more my imagination got carried away ! Maybe he had measles or chicken pox . Maybe he had bird flu or mad cow . Maybe this was a whole new kind of rash ( Yeah , I don 't think bird flu or mad cow comes with spots either , but you know , moms just worry anyway ) . This morning I called and made an appointment with the pediatrician for 10 : 20 . About 5 minutes later the receptionist calls back and says that doctor is sick today and reschedules me to see someone else at 10 : 45 . No problem . We get there around 10 : 40 . Lots of people come in after us and they get called back . The same people then walk back through the waiting room and leave . We 're still waiting . We waited 45 minutes in the waiting room ! You think they could have at least been polite and snuck those other people out the back instead of parading them right in front of us ! I swear , I heard one mom telling her child to stop taunting us , " Ha Ha ! We 've already seen the doctor and you 're still waiting . " Finally my son gets called back . And I find out that my appointment is with the nurse practitioner . I 'm not against NP 's , but I haven 't been impressed with this particular NP in the past . Don 't worry , today was no different . She thinks the rash may be an allergic reaction to the sunscreen . Or maybe its eczema . Or maybe it 's both . At least she could confirm that it 's not measles or chicken pox , although she didn 't say anything about bird flu or mad cow . . . I put some hydrocortisone cream on the bumps and an eczema cream everywhePosted by In case you are wondering , we finally did make it to the zoo on Friday . Here is a pic of my son at the lion 's cage . The lion is sleeping right in front of the window . You know what they say , " Let sleeping lions lie ! " Yesterday my older son had a T - ball game . As I mentioned before T - ball is very fair sport . This time my son and another child on his team were racing for a ball that was hit into the outfield . The other child got the ball and my son got a bloody elbow . Luckily it was the last inning of the game . He was crying and saying how he needed to go home right away and put ice on it . He needed a bandaid and an ambulance etc . . . Kids can be so dramatic ! It was bleeding . I cleaned it off and we got a bandaid , but he still wanted the ice , and he insisted it was broken . So I said that we were going home and he could put some ice on it . As soon I pulled into the driveway , my son announced that his elbow was now heeled . He was in a hurry to go play with the boy next door . It 's funny how easily kids can get " hurt " and just how easily they are " healed . " Posted by The countdown has begun . Only 8 days left till my in - laws arrive . They live in Japan , so they don 't visit too often . The last time we saw them was 2 years ago . So that means that I only have 7 days left to procrastinate ! I have lots of cleaning and organizing that needs to be done and their visit is the perfect excuse . I was supposed to take my son to the zoo this morning with a friend of mine , but her daughter got sick overnight . I found out when I called this morning to see if she was ready to go . So I could be using this time to fold the laundry , do the dishes and clean the floor . Yesterday my kids were playing with their remote control cars in the dirt . Then they decided to clean them in the garage . Do you know what happens when you mix dirt and water . . . Yup , mud ends up on my floor ! It 's by the garage door and since I didn 't go out the garage door after dinner , I didn 't notice till this morning . The kids don 't see anything wrong with leaving mud on the floor . But they were quick to point out that I had missed one piece of grass when I mowed the lawn . They pointed at it and started yelling and repeating , " Oopsie ! You missed one , mom ! " That didn 't make me want to put my kids in a box and send to some far away place . . . instead I went inside and a rum and coke for dinner . It had just been that kind of day week . Today I volunteered at my son 's kindergarten class . Aside from sorting papers and sharpening pencils , I got to help with the Earthquake drill . I don 't think I was really much help because I did not grow up in an Earthquake area . I grew up in Pennsylvania . We practiced fire drills and eating tastykakes ! ( OMG I miss those ! ) The teacher was very prepared . You Stop , Duck and Cover for the Earthquake drill , and I assume for an earthquake too . Then you line up and go outside to the edge of the playground where the electrical wires go overhead . Yes , that looks like the safest place to wait while they search the school for injured people . I have never experienced an earthquake . I moved here 2 years ago . Somethings out here are just different . Like the surplus of terriyaki restaurants . I don 't understand this terriyaki obsession in the Seattle area . I think terriyaki restaurants outnumber Starbucks here 3 to 1 and everyone knows how many Starbucks overwhelm the Seattle streets ! I have a friend who I used to work with . She moved here about 5 years ago from Texas , another place that is not known for earthquakes . Like me , she never had to practice earthquake drills . A few years ago , there was a small earthquake here while she was at work ( this was before I moved here ) . Everyone in the company stopped , ducked and went for cover under their desks . Everyone except my friend . It took a minute to understand what was going on . She thought it was funny that suddenly her chair was rolling all over the place ! By the time someone yelled at her to stop laughing and rolling around on her chair and to get under her desk , the shaking had stopped . The moral of the story is that earthquake drills aren 't just for kids ! Don 't forget us new - Washingtonians ! We need drills too ! My 4 year was watching Dora the Explorer today . She taught him how to say " Blue " in Spanish , " azul . " I found him shouting , " Ash - hull " at the TV which sounds a little too close to something a 4 year old should not be saying . I hope he doesn 't decide to repeat that in public : SThanks Dora ! Do you remember the Swedish chef on the Muppets ? He was always making meatballs and singing about making meatballs . Well today I made 5 pounds of meatballs , and I 'm a vegetarian ! I made them for my husband and kids . They are meatatarians . I wasn 't always a vegetarian . I grew up in an Italian household . I had my share of spaghetti with meatballs , homemade lasagna , sausage and onions , tortellini etc . If there was a pasta covered in sauce , I ate it ! My mom did all of the cooking and teaching us kids how to cook wasn 't a priority for her . She figured when we were ready to learn we would ask her and learn . So when I moved it and started living on my own , I was ready to learn how to cook . I asked my mom how to make meatballs . I couldn 't really ask for a copy of her recipe since she never writes any of her recipes down . So this how the conversation goes . Me : Mom , What 's the recipe for your meatballs . Mom : There is no recipe . I just use whatever I have . Me : Well , what do you usually have when you make meatballs . Mom : Some ground meat and spices . Me : ( with pen and paper handy staring into my spice cabinet ) Like salt and pepper ? Mom : Yeah , a little and some garlic and onion powder and parsley . Me : anything else ? Mom : Some eggs too . Me : Eggs ? Mom : and some breadcrumbs . ( now she 's on a roll ) Me : Ok , salt , pepper , garlic powder , onion powder , parsley , eggs and breadcrumbs . . . . Mom : and sometimes milk . Me : Sometimes ? Mom : yeah . . . Me : Ok , how much meat and how many eggs ? Mom : A package of meat and about 2 eggsMe : What size package ? Mom : The one that 's in the store . Me : Ohhhhh . . . ( still not sure how much meat or anything else to use ) . Mom : Then roll it into balls and bake it till its done . Me : What temperature and for how long ? ( my pen is still ready to go , but the paper remains empty . . . ) Mom : About 350 or 400 , my oven never works right , ya know . And take it out when its done . Me : Ok , I 'll try it . ( This really means I 'll wait till next time I visit then I 'll ask her to make meatballs and get better notes ; ) ) That was about 12 years ago . Now I can make Posted by I 'm Cheerios . Like other Cheerios eaters , you want to be a responsible adult . But you can 't help but still be a kid at heart ! You try to make good decisions . You 're a clean cut , conscientious person . You 're the type of person who would never skip breakfast . Part of you thinks that breakfast is too important to miss . . . But a bigger part of you knows it 's too fun to miss ! What are you ? Happy Mother 's Day ! I 'm still learning how to set up my blog . I hope you like the new look in here . I can 't say how long it 's going to stay , but I 'll give it a test drive for a while . ; ) Today my kids had a contest to see who could get the dirtiest . We had T - ball practice on a " field " that was covered in dirt . Not just dirt , but a dry powdery dirt that surrounded each player with a cloud of dust every time he took a step . It was like Pigpen on Charlie Brown , but not just one pigpen , a whole T - ball team of pigpens ! The kids decided it was more fun to play with the dirt than with the ball . They used their hats as buckets for collecting the dirt . My 4 year old is too young to join the team . He brought 2 of his hot wheels cars to play with in the dirt . He likes to use the cars to make tracks in the dirt . That means he crawls around the " field " to make sure he gets his pants as dirty as possible . After the practice , I wiped off their hands and put them in the car . The younger one spilled his water bottle in his lap and he is wet , but clean , for a few minutes until we get home . Then he changed his pants and both kids went outside . Our neighbor , who is also 4 , was outside and they decided to use the sidewalk chalk on the road . ( We live in a cul de sac and they think the circle in front is their private property . The other neighbors must love us ! ) So now all 3 kids ' hands are covered with chalk . Somehow they get the idea to lay down on the street and trace their bodies ( like a crime scene ) with the chalk . They color in the drawings so that the drawings are completely filled with chalk and then . . . . They decide to lay back down in the drawings ! Now chalk is in their hair , and completely covering their backs . But that is enough to win the most dirty contest . They have to lay down on their bellies too and move their arms and legs like they are making chalk angels . And the Winner is my older son for the dirtiest only because the younger had to get changed between the dirt and the chalk . At least chalk doesn 't stain ! Lately there have been several news stories about saving money . With the cost of gas and groceries rising , the housing market going down , saving money is becoming important to a lot of people . I 'm a couponer . I don 't just use coupons when I do my weekly grocery shopping . Couponing is a hobby for me . I enjoy reading the sales and matching up the coupons with the sale items , rebates and catalina promotions . I go to http : / / www . hotcouponworld . com / at least once a day . I do have times when I give up and I don 't coupon for a while . I know lots of people think I 'm crazy when I buy 40 packages of cat food treats when I don 't even have a cat ! When I read the recent news stories about how to save money , they say to buy in bulk and buy generic . Generic ? Really ? ? ? They suggest washing and re - using plastic sandiwch bags . I have to smile as I sit here wondering how I 'm going to fit all 12 bags of Ghiradelli chocolates into my cabinet . I also have to find a hiding place for 6 packages of Nabisco cookies I got this week and don 't forget the Pepperidge Farm Milanos ! I got the plastic bags free ( with slight overage ) last week so no need to ration them in my house . My cabinets are overflowing as a result of my coupon hobby and none of it is generic ! I 'm not against buying generic , but there aren 't many coupons or rebates or catalinas for generic items . Today I went to Safeway and I got 12 Hallmark cards , 2 12 - packs of Dasani water , 2 12 - packs of coke , broccoli , 4 bags of Ghiradelli chocolates , 4 packages of Silk soymilk and 2 Power bars . My total after coupons was $ 5 . 50 and I got $ 5 off my next order . Afterwards I noticed that I was overcharged on my broccoli ! It rang up $ 3 . 99 / lb instead of $ 0 . 99 / lb ! Since I only bought enough for tonight 's dinner , the difference is only $ 1 . 48 . I will also send in my receipt and the UPC 's from the Ghiradellis so that I can get a free movie ticket ( up to $ 12 ) . That was a good shopping trip . I know my family cannot eat just those items . I went to Albertsons today and used my raincheck for ground beef anPosted by I don 't feel much like writing tonight . I have a headache and I think this lady may have given me her sinus infection . Make sure you wash your hands and use purell after visiting her site ; ) I wanted to get my son excited about playing T - ball . I reserved a book at the library called , " The Big Tee Ball Game . " I read it to him this week . It 's about a T - ball team that is playing an undefeated T - ball opponent in the " The Big Game . " One child wants to win so badly that she puts some gum on the tee so that when the other team hits the ball , the ball doesn 't move off the tee . In the end , she confesses and the other team still wins . But everyone is happy that she told the truth and winning is not the most important thing . So after finishing the book , I asked my son what he learned from this book . His answer was that she have used glue instead of gum . Another proud parent moment : S This title has to be read with the enthusiasm of a 12 year running down the diving board and then jumping with his knees held tightly to his chest ! Then imagine my kids doing the same thing off the edge of the hot tub while my husband and I duck for cover . This weekend we went in the hot tub one night after dinner . I don 't talk about the hot tub much because we don 't ' use it much . It came with the house . I thought I would love it . I thought I would use it every day . Then I realized that I either have to go in really late after the kids go to bed and hope neither wakes up while I 'm in the hot tub , or I have to take the kids in the hot tub with me . I think I 've stayed up really late only twice in the 2 years we 've lived here . The rest of the time the kids go in too . This only happens about once every 6 weeks because that 's how long it takes to forget how much fun it is to go in the hot with 2 little kids . Did you ever consider wearing goggles while " relaxing " in the hot tub ? My kids have learned how to do cannon balls into the hot tub . It 's very relaxing when you 're constantly wiping water out of our eyes and trying to use your hand to protect your face from the cannon balls . And the kids like to play with the jets . So they go on and off while you 're trying to use them . That 's a lot of fun ! Our hot tub also has a flat jet on the sides that shoots water out in a straight line like a small waterfall . The strength of the waterfall is adjustable . So the kids can try to crank it up so the 2 waterfalls will touch in the middle of the hot tub . Eventually , they stop doing cannon balls , and stop playing with the controls . Now they are bored . There aren 't many games to play while " relaxing " in the hot tub . So the kids start pretending to be different kinds of water animals . They like to be an octopus or a crab . Their favorite is being a clam because clams live in the sand and spit water up at people on the beach . I didn 't realize this at first . I thought having the kids pretend to be a clam would mean they might sit still anPosted by This weekend was pretty good . We got a lot of things done around the house . We put up the Boys Day decoration . Actually my husband put it up . It 's a very elaborate doll with a sword and mask and a fancy paper thing . I 'm not allowed to touch it . He even wears white gloves when he puts it out and when he puts it away each year . For those who don 't know , Boys day is May 5th and it 's a big deal in Japan . My kids are excited although I have nothing special planned . . . yet ! This year I reminded my husband that Boys Day was getting close and he should set up the decoration . I did this for two reasons . First , I do think its good for the kids to experience their Japanese roots and of course , the more holidays , the better , right ? But also I knew that the only place to put this elaborate and fragile decoration was on top of the entertainment center . But there was no room on top of the entertainment center because my husband already has an elaborate set up there . We have a cable modem , a cable phone , a router and I 'm not sure what all the other electronic looking devices are , but they take up the whole entertainment center ! It could be worse , we used to have a whole computer up there for a while . But I made him move it last year for the Christmas decorations . My mistake was that I thought when he said he was going to move the computer that would mean moving all of those computer accessories too . But I was wrong . And since I have no idea about how these things work and all the wires involved , I did my best to strategically arrange pictures and things in front . But it still looked like pictures in front of computer clutter . So when I reminded my husband about Boys Day and he couldn 't think of another place to put the decoration , he finally moved the computer clutter ! It only took me about 2 years and now its finally gone ! The clutter didn 't move far . It 's on the bookshelf next to the entertainment center , but at least its not the first thing you see when you walk in the room . And the decoration does look very nice . Feel free toPosted by My son 's school had a " No TV Week . " All the kids were supposed to go one week without watching TV , using the computer or playing video games . The parents had to sign a paper stating that their kids went the whole week without these things . The reward was some ice cream . This meant the parents couldn 't do any of those things either , at least not while the kids were around . Let me just say that I freely admit that I am addicted to the Internet . I feel completely lost whenever my computer isn 't working . How will I know the weather , or what 's on sale at the stores , or look up a recipe for brownies , or chat with my friends ? ! So not using the computer for a week would be a big problem for me . I can normally do without the tv and the phone , but please don 't take away my computer . That 's the main reason I married my husband . I needed someone who would always make my computer addiction a priority . Yes , that is sarcasm you hear . Actually I think his influence is partly what caused my addiction . That reminds me , he signed up for the " quit smoking " program through his company 's health plan . He gets to try the nicotine patch , gum and whatever new things are out now . I wonder if there is a patch or gum to help with my computer addiction and if the insurance would cover it ? ? So usually a week of no TV is not a problem , but why didn 't do the school do this during the writer 's strike when there was nothing worth watching anyway ? ? ? How many reality shows can one watch ? Ok , well that " Keeping up with Kardashians " ( sp ? ) can be pretty funny and Mike Row is kinda cute but it didn 't keep me entertained for long . The school has their " No TV Week " the week that all shows come back with all new episodes ! ! ! What were they thinking ? ! So we didn 't participate in the " No TV Week . " Sometimes I actually wish my kids would watch more TV . There have been days ( especially when they are home all day in the summer ) when I 'm practically begging them to sit for just 10 minutes so I can get something done . I think their attention spans are less than 2 Posted by Happy First day of May aka May Day ! Today my kindergartner made a paper flower wreath at school . He was so proud of it . We hung it on the door at home . He went outside to play and picked a flower for me because it is May Day . He picked the only tulip in the yard that had bloomed . How sweet ! I know he meant well , but shouldn 't someone have known better than to teach kindergartners about giving flowers for any reason ? ! Well , at least May Day still makes a good enough reason to celebrate . So I baked brownies today . And I don 't mean with the help of Betty Crocker . I made these from scratch ! I even had to go to the store and buy cocoa powder for these ! I didn 't have the right size pan and I forgot to flour the pan before pouring the batter in , but you can 't really go wrong when you mix chocolate , sugar , butter and eggs and then put chocolate icing on top . They are delicious ! A few are still left on the counter , so feel free to help yourself ; ) This morning I volunteered at my son 's school . I have no idea why anyone would want to become a kindergarten teacher . 19 kids age 5 - 6 all day long ? ! That is crazy ! I can barely handle my own two kids . His teacher is wonderful . I get to sit in the back for a few hours and cut things out , fill up folders and count papers . When I came home , I did some chores and painted my toenails . I am ready for sandal season to begin . The calendar may say its May , but it still feels like March around here : ( I am a domestic goddess with 2 adorable angels who do everything they 're supposed to do . I vacation in the Bahamas on my own private island and sip Margaritas all day . . . Then I wake up and realize that I 'm actually the maid , the gourmet chef , the chauffeur , the gardener , the butler , the banker , personal shopper and everything else my family needs . The Bahamas are actually the Seattle suburbs ( at least no chance of a sunburn here ! ) but I still enjoy the occasional margarita . Sometimes it really is all about how you look at things ; ) |
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