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Thomas showed up around 12 : 30 and we both had some lunch before opening the gifts . I had already given him loads of stuff to help set up his new apartment , you know the stuff like dish drainer , pot holders , bag clips , waste paper bins etc . and of course a big bag of groceries . I also gave him a nice area rug for his living room . So for Christmas day I gave him the new Canon lens for his DSLR camera , another rug for the kitchen ( he has ceramic floors ) , a kettle , some long underwear , a t . shirt from the One of a Kind Show , a salt and pepper grinder , and a bunch of other things he needed . Just before Beatriz arrived , Thomas came to tell me that there had been a problem with Kay 's flight from Korea . She was supposed to arrive sometime at the beginning of January . He said something about her not being able to get a visa for the connection in the USA . I mentioned that the very same thing had happened to one of my couch surfers , then asked when she would be coming and he said that she had already arrived 4 days ago ! WOW , what a surprise . Then I asked why she wasn 't here for dinner and he told me she was on her way . Then the panic set in . I didn 't have any gifts for her ! . Thomas kept saying it was okay , but I couldn 't stand the thought of someone coming for Christmas and not having a gift to open . The buzzer went just as Thomas got a call from Kay saying she was in the neighbourhood . I let Beatriz in and Thomas went to pick up Kay . I was so happy that I had a houseful of guests for a wonderful Christmas Day celebration . I gave her a set of dishes , an iron and a mail and key holder to go beside her door . She asked specifically for those . I had also made a mini album with pictures of our trip to Cuba in . And while I was visiting Thomas at the liquor store I thought it would be a great idea to get Beatriz a bottle of wine from her home , Argentina . Kay gave me something that I had asked Thomas for . She brought it from Korea . It is a hand held pump and special plastic bags with a valve in , that can store food and the air can be pumped out for extra freshness . Later I showed Beatriz , who is also a knitter , the huge bag of yarn Thomas had given me . She asked me if I would start knitting again , and I told her I had already made somethings earlier in the week . I went to get the some of the things , a neck warmer and a pair of fingerless gloves . As I was showing them to her I realized that these would make a lovely gift for Kay . So I offered them to her which she accepted graciously . I set up the food buffet style in the kitchen so all could choose what they wanted . There was spinach lasagna , made with gluten - free noodles , roasted vegetables , salad , dinner rolls , and cornbread . Not your traditional Christmas dinner , but a wonderful meal all the same . We had Beatriz 's wine and cranberry juice . We pulled crackers and laughed at the silly jokes and quotes in them , we even wore the silly gold and silver crowns . After eating dinner I set out a variety of mini desserts and I had some gluten - free Christmas cake I found at the farmer 's market . It was a lovely meal , with some great company and some lively conversation . He responded by instant messaging me and we chatted a little bit before he asked if we could continue 30 minutes later . I agreed and he offered me his phone number . When I called him later , I was instantly hit with the way he talked , very slow , almost depressed like . But I know I can 't make assumptions so I continued the conversation . He said we should meet at Yonge Dundas Square for a coffee . I mentioned that there was actually no place in the square that serves coffee , but he felt I was wrong . We were to meet outside the Eaton Centre entrance , and after some confusion as to which entrance he meant we found each other . He did look like his photo , in fact he was very good looking , I took an instant liking to him . We walked over to the square where he discovered there was no place to buy a coffee , so we went inside to Indigo Book Store and got a coffee there . He was a man of little words , I hate doing all the talking and on a first date I always feel that I have to keep the conversation going if the other person is shy , introverted or just not comfortable . I got a bit bored of hearing my own voice , then asked if he had ever gone to the roof top garden at City Hall . He hadn 't so I suggested we walk over there and take a look . Once we got there and we walked around a little , he suggested we sit on a bench . I thought we 'd talk some more , but he just wanted to sit with his face in the sun and not talk ! It was more than I could bare , so after a while I told him of another place nearby that had an interesting story . We went to a courtyard that has sculptures of the garden of Eden . I told him the story , hoping to get some interest , but the conversation just stalled . I made an excuse about why I had to get home , and left him at the subway . A few days later he picked me up and we drove to the beginning of the walk we had chosen . As we walked I tried to encourage him to talk about himself , and it occurred to me that he mentioned more than once , that he would inherit a large sum of money on his mother 's death . He told me of the bad blood between him and his brother , and perhaps more members of his family . He barely looked at all the amazing street art / graffiti that was along the way . We ended the walk and decided to have something to eat and drink at the Drake . It occurred to me again that he talked with such sadness in his voice . I told him about the Music Gardens down by the lake , and he wanted to go and see them . We got in his car and drove towards them , but he couldn 't find free parking , and didn 't want to pay , so we didn 't go . Instead he drove on my suggestion to Cherry Beach . He found a free parking spot , and we walked around the water 's edge . He barely spoke a word , and again he suggested sitting on a bench , so we did . He sat in silence . I just didn 't think this was what a date should be like , we should be sharing our thoughts , and stories about ourselves . After a while I again made an excuse as to why I needed to leave , and he drove me home . When I was about to get out of the car , he leaned over to kiss me , and I pulled away suddenly . He had a look of shock on his face . I said I wasn 't ready for that and got out of the car . He later called me and asked me if there was anything he had done . I admitted that there wasn 't , but I just didn 't feel like that towards him , and didn 't think there was much chemistry between us . He sounded more deflated than ever , and we ended the conversation . He called again later that week , and said he had told me he would take me to a baseball game , and wanted to make good on that promise . I told he didn 't have to but he really wanted to . I agreed . ( I also decided that I would leave the talking to him this time ) . He picked me up on the day of the game , and told me he had bought $ 75 tickets . I told him it wasn 't necessary to spend that much , as it was just as much fun in the cheap seats . Anyway the seats were amazing , behind home plate in the 100 's level . The game began , and I just sat there waiting for any conversation he may decide to offer . There was none . It is the only game I have ever been to that I sat quietly . Anyone who has gone to a game with me knows I make LOTS of noise , and am out of my seat for much of the game . At about the 5th inning I decided to go get something to eat , and did not ask him if he wanted anything , ( he hadn 't asked me ! ) . I spent quite some time wandering around , because I just wasn 't having fun with him . I eventually went back to my seat , and at the top of the 8th inning he said we should leave as he didn 't want to get caught with the onslaught of fans leaving at the end of the game . Fine by me . He wasn 't much of a conversationalist . He didn 't have a lot to say . He said he prefers to listen . I like having guys listen , but when I 'm not talking he 's quiet , and I 'm not very comfortable with too much quiet . He mentioned on many occasions that he was expecting a large inheritance , it appeared that he thought I was impressed with that . I gave this guy ample opportunity to show his best , and if this was it , I couldn 't give any more . It 's been ages since I last added anything here . I have been dealing with some personal issues that have more or less worked themselves out . A positive attitude works wonders . We hosted the G20 summit here in Toronto and it was a ridiculous display of events , from protesters , to riot police , to the holding cells , to the damage done to our city . All costing the city a disgusting amount of money . I kept hearing many of our citizens asking why they can 't teleconference . The savings would be phenomenal , the leaders would be safe , and they could focus on the business that needs to be discussed . Helping out with a grade 1 / 2 class on a trip to the beach , ending at a splashpad where I was greatful for the cool spray that came my way whilst observing the children . The Grade 6 children got to take a trip to Niagara Falls where they hiked and explored . I wish I could have gone with them , but I was needed at the school . Their graduation on Monday was a lovely event with awards and speeches . I helped put together a wonderful slide show including pictures of the students from 2006 when they looked like innocent little angels ! I was lucky enough to be invited to their graduation party in an aunt 's beautiful back yard . The kids had such a fantastic time being kids , having cupcake and whip cream fights , as well as dressing the part for the Under the Sea theme . We also had the last day assembly where the teachers could congratulate students in some of their accomplishments . At the end , just before the last bell we did the clapout for the graduates . We line the hallway from the gym to the front of the school and clap as they walk out of the school for the last time as grade 6 students . I always get teary eyed at this point . The staff party this year was held in a co - worker 's back yard . She also hosted us the first week of school in her yard in September 2009 . There was her famous sangria , hamburgers , pizzas , veggie kabobs , and tons more . I stayed only for a short while as I had an appointment with a Dr . But from all accounts this was a wonderful party that went on well into the night . The very next day was the last day of school for the staff . No kids , just a morning filled with a meeting that covered many plans for next year . And that was it . School over for 2 months . Last night I went to the Air Canada Centre to see a concert with two old favourites of mine . Carole King and James Taylor . I had such a great evening listening to the two of them singing . Carole had a cold or sore throat , and was rather raspy throughout , but I loved it anyway . They were the most gracious entertainers and genuinely thanked the audience for their applause . The other thing I found quite touching was the fact that all the performers applauded their peers for their performances after each song . So cool . I dropped by the gym yesterday to say a final farewell to my trainer , Meredith . She has been a good friend helping me out with both my exercise and my diet . She is returning to her native Prince Edward Island to work in her other field of expertise , nutrition . I woke up yesterday and decided I should have a good breakfast to celebrate Victoria Day . Here in Canada most of us refer to this as the May two four weekend . No one really understands why we call it Victoria Day , well we know it is supposed to be Queen Victoria 's birthday , but why ? ? We just enjoy the day off and watch fireworks . So now I will start a new tradition and make myself a big breakfast instead of the usual green smoothie variety . Here I have scrambled eggs with a little onion added in , cucumber , tomatoes and a gluten - free bagel . That bagel looks good right ? It was and I appreciate the fact that I finally found some at the grocery store . However , $ 7 for 5 bagels is a sin ! Here is the mug of tea I finished off my breakfast with . I seldom drink black tea anymore , since I only really drink it with milk and I 'm trying not to drink cows milk now . Once in a while I buy a 250ml container of skim milk just so that I can have a cup of tea . It just doesn 't taste the same with Almond milk . Iris over at The Daily Dietribe , suggested that her readers adopt a gluten - free blogger . So of course I am choosing my favourite blogger who produces amazing food , not only taste - wise , but she takes delicious photos of her food . Gluten - Free Goddess Karina Allrich always makes her food so appealing , not only from the ingredients that she uses , but her writing style is so succulent that you just can 't help but to be enticed to try out her recipes . I served it to a friend after a great spinning class . We were ravenous and ate it with extra cornbread , followed by yoghourt , strawberry muffins and fresh strawberries and blueberries . We finished off with a cup of herbal tea . Delicious . My friend joked about the fact I say I hate cooking , and yet every time I feed her it tastes great . That is really thanks to Karina . Meningitis is an inflammation of the lining of the brain and it can be caused by several different germs . Some are bacterial and some are viruses . Meningitis caused by a virus ( viral meningitis ) is generally less serious . The bacterial germs can cause septicemia ( blood poisoning or infection of the blood ) as well as meningitis . Anyone of any age can get meningitis or septicemia and the tow illnesses can occur at teh same time . If the illness is diagnosed early and treated quickly , most people recover completely . Bacterial meningitis is quite rare , but can be very serious . There are three main types , named after the germs that can cause the illness . The three types are : Immunization against Hib infection is now possible . Children are immunized at two , three and four months - at the same time as diphtheria , whooping cough , tetanus and polio . If you do not remember your child being immunized , and he or she is under four , you should contact your doctor . Each year there are over 2000 cases of bacterial meningitis in England and Wales . This figure is lower that it was because of the success of the Hib vaccine ( the most common type of meningitis in children under four used to be Hib ) . The meningococcal germ is now the most common cause of meningitis and septicemia in all age groups . Young people and adults also get the pneumococcal form of meningitis and septicemia . The germs that cause bacterial meningitis are very common and live naturally in the back of the nose and throat . Coughing , sneezing and kissing spread the germs , but they do not live for more than a few seconds outside the body and are not easily passed from one person to another . People of any age can carry them for weeks or months without becoming ill . It is only rarely that they overcome the body 's defenses by entering the blood from the throat causing meningitis or septicemia . You cannot get the germs from water supplies , swimming pools , factories or buildings . People with meningitis or septicemia usually have a rash which can be anything from tiny red spots to larhe blotchy bruises . If you press a drinking glass against their rash it will remain visible through the glass ( whereas rashes that occur with most other infections will fade or blanch ) . Their skin may be pale and clammy , even though they have a fever . My life has been a bit confusing and mixed up in the last few weeks . Things have happened to me that I cannot explain , and I have been accused of something that isn 't very nice . I am at this time not at work , and I don 't know when I will return . I can 't really get specific on the details as there is are investigations going on . I decided that it would be a great idea to go back to my personal fitness trainer , Meredith and work with her a couple of times a week . This has been a great help . I go up to her condo and use the gym there . It is much more personal , cleaner and comfortable . I am also doing a little shopping here and there and spending far too much money . But what 's wrong with that ? I bought a great pair of rubber boots to wear in the rain , some clothes , and scrapbook supplies . I got my hair cut and went back to having highlights . In order to make it look natural , Telli my hairdresser had to give me high and low lights . It turned out quite dark , almost my own hair colour . She also wanted to make my hair a little healthier , as there were quite a few split ends . So she cut it quite short . So at this point I am not much in love with my hairstyle and colour . Thank goodness it grows ! I have been to a few events with MeetIn . I saw Grease a few weeks back , then more recently I saw Burn the Floor . I thought this dance show would be great as some of the dancers were from So You Think You Can Dance . However it was quite repetitious and at times boring . I was expecting the dances to tell a story , but it lacked there somewhat . I have been out for dinner a few times , and a lunch here and there , more money spent ! But it is important to surround yourself with friends while your life is taking you on an unknown path . I was at a wonderful restaurant for lunch on Sunday , Bar Mercurio on Bloor St . W . They have gluten - free desserts . Lots of them . I am going to have to go back to try each and every one of them . This could potentially become my first date meeting place ! ! I went to get an ultrasound of my shoulder and they ended up doing both shoulders . I have to wait until next Friday to get the results . But yesterday at my weekly physiotherapy appointment my therapist Sabrina at Athletes Care told me that the scan shows tears on both shoulders . She had initially thought it was just an impingement , but realized after a number of treatments that there must be more . So I 'll find out from Dr . Edelist what the treatment will be . Sabrina doesn 't think surgery is an option as the tear is only partial on each side . So it 's likely that it will have to continue to be medication for the pain and physiotherapy . I participated in a great scavenger hunt a few weekends ago . There were about 4 - 500 people who met at Nathan Philips Square , and we got into groups of about 8 . My group were mostly couchsurfers . We had a blast finding all the stuff . We broke up into smaller groups to get it all done . 2 hours later we returned to Nathan Philips Square to discover that we came 12th after the scores were totaled up . I met a friend at Ed 's Ice Cream shop for a well deserved treat . I usually get cappuccino and raspberry , they are my favourite flavours . While there I saw my friend 's photography pieces on display in the shop . Very cool , literally , they are photos of ice sculptures . My good friend Beatriz celebrated her birthday on April 30 , so I got her a ticket to join me at the show Burn The Floor . She enjoyed it , but also said it was a bit repetitious . After the show we went to the Pickle Barrel , and ate some food with a few others from MeetIn . I spent almost a week on a mini album that I made for Beatriz 's birthday present . Having made the decision to go out with guys who contact me through the dating websites that I am a member of , I accepted a date with Donald . His profile said he likes the active life , and mentioned he was trying to get a business up and running . Also on the subject of " Do you like to drink ? " he had responded , " Prefer not to say " I felt this was a little suspicious , so my first email to him asked him about it and I mentioned that I was allergic to alcohol ( in case he was an alcoholic and was looking for a drinking buddy ! ) He replied that he too had an allergy . I suggested a coffee shop not too far from me , and while I was waiting for him I saw a friend who I met through Couchsurfing and started chatting to him . A few minutes later I felt a man staring at me , saw it was him and introduced Donald to Dave . I walked to the counter to order my tea , and asked Donald if he was getting something , to which he replied , " no , I 've already had my tea . " I paid for my tea , and while I was putting milk in it I suggested that Donald find us a seat . ( I was a little surprised that he didn 't offer to pay for my tea ) . I noticed immediately he was uncomfortable making eye contact . I understand that nerves get the best of us sometimes , but I need a confident man in my life , not someone who embarrasses easily . I started with easy conversation to put him at ease , and that seemed to help . We talked a little about the things he was interested in and it sounded like he no longer participated in them . His family is a bit fractured by divorce and he doesn 't see his kids much and most of his interests were their interests . He told me a lot about his kids , his ex , his dog , his motorbike , his therapist , his cat , and little about what he does for a living . I got the impression that he hasn 't had a job in 2 years , and is having a hard time finding work . I told him a little about my son , why I came to Canada , my work , my experiences of the dating scene , and this and that . I was really hungry , so I said I needed to go home and eat . We got up and he asked Posted by My last date was one I have had too often . I was contacted through an online dating site by Jim who said I was pretty . I checked out his profile and saw a man that looked older than his years , and his profile description showed me he was a man who liked an even keel , with little to no excitement to offer . But he contacted me and I want to try to see through any invitations that I get . He had suggested we go to the Distillery District for tea , so I agreed . I met him at the market , then we walked over to Toronto 's first pedestrian only village . On meeting him , I offered Jim a handshake only to receive a very limp hand that made me want wipe my hand on my jacket ! Doesn 't EVERYONE know that a firm handshake is the desirable method of a first greeting ? From Wikipedia : " It is considered to be in poor taste to show dominance with too strong a handshake ; conversely , too weak a handshake ( sometimes referred to as a " limp fish " or " dead fish " handshake ) is also considered unseemly due to people perceiving it as a sign of weakness . Because a first impression can last a lifetime , the handshake is actually very important when meeting people for the first time and a weak handshake can instantly make people form negative opinions of you " I found another article on ' Manly ' handshakes here . Quite funny actually . So we talked on the walk over and my impression of him didn 't change . We sat in the coffee shop sipping our tea chatting about this and that , and still my impression didn 't change . He told me that he could not stand hearing people swear , ( and my first thought was , " WTF ? " ) . He told me he loved to eat cheese . He told me that he was an accountant , ( but I had figured that out already ! ) After 30 minutes or so I left to use the ladies room , and on return I remained standing and suggested we leave . He insisted on walking me home , where the conversation remained bland . A block before my building I said goodbye and he wanted to offer me his business card , but he couldn 't find one . Just as well really . I wish I knew the secret of findingPosted by I have 4 days off for the Easter holiday . I don 't do religious holidays , just lost faith along the way . But I am grateful for the extra days off , as it gives me a chance to reconnect with friends and family . I spent most of Friday at home tidying and putting stuff away . It was a record breaking temperature , but when I went out , it didn 't feel that way to me . So I didn 't feel too bad about staying in . I did go out on my E - bike to pick up a new vacuum cleaner , as my old one broke 2 new belts on the first try . I found a good one that does floors and carpet , and it is very light weight . On Saturday I went grocery shopping and got some great deals . I also went to Joe Fresh to check out their new summer stuff . It was another warm day , although not record breaking this time . I found some great deals on tee shirts , as well as a cardigan and a pair of shorts . I dropped into the St . Lawrence Market to pick up a few things , and found a Kinder Surprise egg that I bought for Thomas , and then promptly ate it later that afternoon ! I spent the majority of the day outside , enjoying the sunshine . I took a few photos of flowers that have blossomed already . Those poor things will have a shock when the temperature returns to the normal for this time of year . I called my aunt in England , she is my mum 's sister , so it 's almost like talking to my mum . We had a good laugh about roller coasters and other daring activities she used to love to sneak away and do . Later I chatted with a friend in England on Skype , he didn 't even realize he had Skype till I messaged him on it ! Sunday I am cooking brunch for Beatriz and just chilling out . I plan on making some omelettes , hash browns , and tomatoes with some fresh strawberries , blueberries and bananas with yoghurt for dessert . Happy Easter everyone . Here are some of the pieces I bought at Ikea . The armchairs have been sent back because although they look okay , they were as hard as a rock to sit on . The other pictures show the dining room table with pieces of the sideboard waiting to be put together . There is the book cases that are lying on the floor waiting for the backs to be nailed on . At the time I took the photos I didn 't have the sideboard put together yet . I will post more pictures when the spring cleaning is done , and if and when I find new armchairs to replace the ones I sent back . I 've had my living room furniture for over 15 years now and I have decided it is time for a change . I went through this a few years ago , and in doing so , I realized that couches and chairs are ridiculously expensive ! Three years ago I got the cushion covers of the couch reupholstered in black leather , because I couldn 't find anything as comfortable at a reasonable price and so stuck with the same couch . The leather had started to crack so it needed to be done . I went to a leather shop and found a piece of leather that mostly matched the old stuff . I then found someone in the west end who would reupholster them for me . He did a great job , and I got it at a great price , way less than a new couch , that 's for sure . It has served me well , but the original reason I wanted to change the furniture , is because I was tired of having black in the living room . While I was at Ikea with my friend Beatriz a few weeks ago I saw the Poang chair in red , and the idea came to me that I didn 't need new chairs , just new covers . So I bought a red Poang cover to try out . I put it on the chair and lived with it for a week , but I knew almost immediately that it wasn 't going to work . The colour was wrong . Plus my chair is one of the very old models and the cover isn 't really made for it . So while talking with my son , he suggested just buying new chairs . It actually makes sense since the covers cost $ 60 and the new chair is $ 99 . My plans changed for New Year 's Eve . I was supposed to go to a house party with my friend Beatriz , but she wasn 't feeling great because she had a bit of a cold . So Vanessa and I decided that she would come to my home and we would un - celebrate the new year ! Neither one of us are in a relationship and we both hate the stroke of midnight when we have no one to kiss and hold close , so we would just watch videos and ignore welcoming in 2010 . We decided to watch " Love Actually " and when I tried to use the DVD player nothing happened . Early this past year Rogers upgraded me to a digital box , and I figure they must have done something or else the dvd player is broken . So I tried to come up with a solution , which turned out to be just fine . We watched it on my laptop , but then I realizes that I could hook up my desk top monitor because it is bigger . Doing that I also figured out that if i hooked up the speakers too , then the sound would improve . It did and we were happy with the solution . Vanessa slept on my comfy couch and promised that she would go to the gym the following morning . I had a hard time falling asleep for some reason , but I think it was about 5 : 30 am when I finally fell asleep . Vanessa didn 't manage to wake up in time for her class , so we just relaxed . I made pancakes for breakfast with strawberries , blueberries , clementines and apple sauce . We drank tea and spent the whole day doing as little as possible . |
Ari was in Dale 's bed , pressed back against the headboard , and she hissed through her teeth . A moment later she said , " Oh … God , " and thrashed her head from side to side . " Stop . I can 't take it anymore . Please , just stop . I 'm begging here . " " It 's not that bad . " Dale picked up the remote and turned up the TV to drown out her boss - slash - girlfriend 's whining . Ari lifted one foot in an attempt to block the screen with her sock . Dale put her leg across Ari 's and pushed it down . " Stop it . " " Sorry , babe , but it 's Twilight . It 's not even one of the ones with a werewolf in it . " Although , to be fair , she knew she would probably have a lot to say about those , too . She winced at another piece of horrific dialogue and gestured at the screen . " The shameful thing , the awful thing , is that Kristen Stewart is going to be best remembered for this . And not in a good way . Like how no one remembers George Peppard was in Breakfast at Tiffany 's because he spent five years on The A - Team . She was good in that rock - and - roll movie . Why couldn 't girls flock to see her in that ? Hang posters of Joan Jett in their rooms like normal , well - rounded children ? " " You 're making my argument for me . " She wrinkled her lip at the screen . She was in her boxer shorts and a faded baseball shirt as she usually did when she spent the night . They were both on top of the blankets , Dale eating her midnight snack of bite - sized chocolate chip cookies . She looked at Dale , first as an excuse to look away from the screen , but she soon became transfixed . She was still getting used to seeing Dale 's face scrubbed of makeup , her hair sloppy and tied in a knot at the back of her head . She was in an oversized T - shirt that had fallen off her left shoulder , and Ari leaned in to kiss the exposed curve . " Mm - mm . " She shook her head and swallowed her mouthful of cookie . " You just want to have sex so you won 't have to watch the movie . " Dale picked up one of the small cookies and pushed it into Ari 's mouth . Ari narrowed her eyes in false anger and chewed as she retreated back to her side of the bed . Dale picked up the remote and was examining the buttons when the phone rang . She paused it . " No ! " Ari wailed , flopping her hands on the mattress as Dale reached for the nightstand . " We were almost at the end ! It 's nearly done . " " Shush , " Dale said . She looked at the face of her cell and her eyes widened . " Seriously . Shush . Don 't - don 't say anything ? " Dale said , " Ari , seriously . Not a word . " She opened the phone and answered the call . " Hi , Dad . " Ari raised an eyebrow but remained silent and still . " No , it 's not too late . I was just watching a movie . What 's up ? Oh . Oh . No , I just thought they usually had those things in … right . No , it 's … " She looked at Ari . " It 's fine . When will you be here ? Sure . I 'll see you then . It 'll be great . Okay , Dad . You too . Love you . " She hung up and pressed the phone against her forehead . " Uh . " Dale sighed . " Uh , no . My father is coming to Seattle for a dental conference . Usually they do them in Las Vegas , but they decided for a change of scenery for this year . They 're doing it here instead . So he decided to touch base with me , and he asked if he could stay with me for five days . " Dale put her hands on her cheeks and then pushed them back into her hair . " No . See , um . I was already planning to move here for college when Mom died . He insisted I still go , even though I felt like I was abandoning him . And then when I dropped out , I could tell he was disappointed even before I told him I was going to live here . If I told him I 'd also discovered I was a lesbian , I felt it would be one thing too much . So I held off . And then eventually it just got easier to not bring it up . " " Well , I was pretty pissed at my mother by the time I found out . So I was happy to spill the beans . At the time I just wished it would be something more hurtful . " Dale sighed . " Well , I don 't think he 'd disown me or be angry . I just think that he 's already dealt with so much . " Ari wanted to argue that he had a right to know who is daughter was , and that she was happy , but she kept mum . " Okay . So I 'll just spend the night at my place while he 's here . " " Mom died in a car accident . Dad was shell - shocked . He doesn 't even drive anymore , really . He takes buses whenever he can , cabs , that sort of thing . He 'll drive in an emergency . The last thing he said to me at the airport was ' Be careful . It 's dangerous out there . Just be careful . ' And if I tell him I 'm working for a private detective , he 's going to picture shootouts and car chases . Not to mention … " She gestured at her head , where her pulled - back hair revealed the scar where she 'd been shot . " I 've been in a few life - threatening situations . If I told him about it , he 'd pay for me to move back to Pennsylvania without thinking twice . " " Well , there 's nothing dangerous about being gay . " Dale raised an eyebrow , so Ari amended her statement . " In this day and age , in this city , there 's nothing dangerous about being gay . Why don 't you tell him that ? " " He 's a Republican . Like a Tea Party , ' that George W Bush really had some amazing ideas , pry the guns out of my cold dead hands ' Republican . Telling him I like the ladies isn 't a conversation I really want to have . " Ari leaned in and kissed Dale . " I 'll play along while he 's here . In exchange , you have to agree to stop this damned movie . " Ari grinned and slid closer . They kissed , shifting on the mattress until they were in a more comfortable position . Ari lifted her head and brushed Dale 's hair back . " You know , there is another way we could convince your father you 're protected and we don 't have to spend five days apart from each other . " Thursday morning was dedicated to " de - gaying " Dale 's apartment . Anything and everything that might be a little less than heterosexual was being taken to Ari 's apartment for safe - keeping . Dale took the lesbian romance novels off her shelf and placed them in a storage bin . She rearranged the other books so the gaps weren 't evident as Ari came out of the bedroom . " The porn is all gone , but the mainstream DVDs are a little harder to categorize . Is a Cathy DeBuono movie inherently gay ? " " Gotcha . " She added it to the storage bin and looked around the apartment . " I think that 's it . Everything else is open to interpretation . " " Nope . Nothing that will make my dad wonder . Give him one clue and it 's off to the races . In high school , he found out I smoked pot because I knew a Phish song . He 's like a bloodhound . " " Or you 're the sort of person who gets so anxious and guilt - ridden around her father that he doesn 't have to be a bloodhound because the truth is written all over your face . " She raised an eyebrow , daring Dale to refute it . She put her hands on the side of Dale 's head and kissed her between the eyebrows . " Just relax . Be yourself . It doesn 't matter what your job is or who you 're dating . Dale Frye is an amazing person . Just remember that , and if he judges … well , who cares what he thinks ? " Ari smiled . " I love you , too . Now you have to leave to pick up your dad . I 'll finish getting this place ready for him . " " Uh … no . Kind of hard to explain why your boss is lounging in the apartment when you 're not home . I 'll just save the introductions until he 's not jet - lagged . " Ari waved goodbye . When Dale was gone , she looked around the apartment with a professional eye . If this was a stranger 's apartment , someone a client had hired her to investigate , what would tip her off to the resident 's sexual preferences ? It wasn 't enough to just hide evidence Dale was gay ; she also had to hide the fact that she was in a relationship . She emptied the fridge of her items . She took the coffeepot but left the mugs . There were two novels on the coffee table with bookmarks ; Ari took hers away and left Dale 's . The jacket on the back of the door was Ari 's , and she slung it over her shoulder . When she was done , she looked at the accumulated items with some surprise . She and Dale had only been dating for three months . She was shocked to find she 'd nested so much . " I sat next to this morbidly obese gentleman who would not stop talking about a family reunion from which he had just returned . If you dropped me at dinner with the Carbondale members of the Allen family , I would be able to identify them all in an instant . I tried reading my book , but … people aren 't readers anymore . No one understands that reading a book is as important as … watching a football game . " She was amazed at how little he 'd changed since the last time she saw him . His hairline was a lot closer to the crown , but it was still almost all black . His cheeks may have sunk a little , and he had lost a little weight , but not enough to alarm her . He wore his standard black suit , black tie , white shirt , and pressed slacks . He sat with his hands folded on his lap , and every now and then he would twist his head to the left and right as if checking to see if anyone had appeared in the backseat when he wasn 't looking . He sighed and straightened his shoulders . " I hope you didn 't go to any trouble . Cleaning and tidying up … " He shook his head . " A house should look lived in . People acquire debris . In public , yes , you should be considerate of others . But in your home , a little mess never hurt anyone . " Dale 's smile widened . The nickname had been bestowed on her from birth , when he cradled her and told her mother , " At last , I 'm not the smallest Frye in the room . " She 'd been taller than him since the tenth grade , but the name stuck . When they got to her building , she let him get out of the car first . As soon as his feet hit the pavement , she locked the door and twisted in her seat . He tried to open the back door and then knocked on the glass . " Dear ? " She ignored him and got his suitcase , banging her elbow on the ceiling as she hauled it forward and got out of the car . She stood up and lifted the bag in victory . " Oh , please . " She started toward the stairs and led him up to her apartment . She could feel his eyes on her hand the entire way , wondering if he could wrestle it away from her . She mentally dared him to try it as she took out her keys and unlocked the door . He watched her and then inhaled sharply . He had his hands in his pockets as he walked inside . " Sure . They 're all safe buildings until someone - " Ari came around the couch and planted herself on the carpet a few feet in front of him . " Dear . There 's a wolf in your apartment . " " I don 't worry , " Samuel said . " I deal with facts . And the statistics of dog - related attacks increase exponentially when factoring in the size - " " Dad . " Dale reached out and held her hand in front of Ari 's face . Ari licked the fingers and then ducked her head . Dale scratched her between the ears and moved down to the scruff of her neck . Samuel was still tense , but he took his hands out of his pockets and gingerly touched Ari 's head . She remained still , so he gave her and experimental scratch before he looked at Dale . " You named her Tule . After the song I used to sing you ? " Samuel raised both eyebrows and somehow managed to nod without moving his head more than a few inches . " Oh , I can believe it . " He moved his hand away from her . " You keep a dog this size in an apartment like this ? " " I , uh , have a friend . With a yard . We sort of share custody . So if Tule disappears unexpectedly , th - that 's where she is . " With the introductions over , Ari went back into the living room and sat between the couch and coffee table . Dale looked at her and Ari managed to wink . Dale smiled and mouthed ' thank you ' before she put down her father 's suitcase . " Given the number of nights I 've fallen asleep in my armchair , the couch will feel like a luxury mattress . If you try to give me your bedroom , I swear I will go get a hotel room . And I will sleep on the room 's couch just to prove to you how little I care . " Dale laughed . " Point taken , Dad . If you want to rest before dinner , I can take Ari for a walk . I know you probably didn 't get a chance to nap on the plane what with Mr . Family Reunion next to you . " He took a deep breath and let it out slowly . It wasn 't large enough to be a yawn , but it was as close as he would probably get with his daughter in the room . " You know , that 's not a bad idea , honey . I don 't want to kick you out of your apartment - " Ari straightened her neck and her eyes widened slightly . Dale winked at her and looped the collar around her neck . She fastened it loosely and then clipped on the leash . " Nap well , Dad . " She slipped the leash through her fingers until she gripped the loop on the end , and Ari obediently followed her out of the apartment . She looked at her father once more before she shut the door and led Ari to the stairs . Ari looked back and Dale narrowed her eyes . " Oh , hush . You know you like the kinky shit . " Ari waited until they were safely behind the closed doors of the office before she changed back . She rolled her shoulders as the last of her pelt receded and was replaced with clammy skin . She worked her neck from side to side and flipped her hair over her shoulders before she opened her eyes . Dale was sitting on the couch Ari was crouching in front of . She stood and stretched her legs , then took the robe Dale offered her . Dale shrugged . " Typical of us . Not too much animosity , which was good . I can feel him gearing up for the entreaty to come back home . He 's just gathering information right now . The size of my apartment , the neighborhood , the job market . He 's biding his time . " " You make him sound like a supervillain . " She dropped onto the couch and guided Dale 's head to her chest . Dale curled against her and Ari adopted a cheesy British accent . " No , Mees Frye . I expect you to move to Pennsylvania . Mwahaha . " Ari smiled . " If you need someone there to referee dinner , I 'd be happy to extend an invitation . That 's not weird , right ? We 're a two - person operation , so it 's believable we would be friends instead of just boss and employee . " " Just don 't act nervous about the truth . Ignore the truth . For now , for the weekend , just pretend this happened a few months ago and you and I aren 't together yet . " Dale suddenly pushed away from her . " Miss Willow ! I 'm so sorry , I didn 't mean to be so forward . I hope you don 't think … oh , gosh ! What you must think of me ! " She turned away , her hand over her mouth . Dale laughed as she was manhandled , lifted and dropped onto the couch as Ari stretched over her . They kissed , and Dale 's hands roamed under Ari 's robe . Ari lifted her head as she unbuttoned Dale 's pants and pushed her hand inside . Dale closed her eyes and bit her bottom lip . Ari settled with her knees digging into the cushions on either side of Dale 's body . She watched Dale 's face as she moved her hand into position , three fingers between Dale 's thighs and fitting perfectly against the crotch of her panties . Dale lifted her hips to meet Ari 's touch but Ari pushed her down with her free hand . " Sh . " Ari kissed her and Dale surrendered . She raised her hands over her head , resting them on the arm of the couch . Ari circumvented Dale 's underwear and teased Dale 's sex . She turned her head , and Ari attacked her throat with lips and teeth until Dale was squirming uncontrollably . " Don 't drag it out … just let yourself go . " Dale 's eyes squeezed shut tighter and she pushed herself against Ari 's hand . She dropped her hands to Ari 's shoulders and twisted through her orgasm until , finally , she pulled Ari down and fitted their lips together in a soft , grateful kiss . When they parted , Dale brushed her lips over Ari 's cheek and whispered , " Thank you . " Ari shrugged . " We support each other . That 's how this thing works . " She smiled and sat up . " You can pay me back later . " Ari grinned and picked up Dale 's hand . She kissed the palm and said , " Later . If we 're taking the weekend off , I want to make sure we have everything settled . " Ari stood and offered Dale her hands . She helped Dale stand , and Dale adjusted her pants before she went out into the main office . Ari , the robe swishing around her like she was walking through curtains , took a seat behind her own desk and turned on her laptop . She was checking email when Dale appeared in the doorway . Ari growled and looked at the phone at the corner of her desk . Sure enough , the message light was flashing . " I 'm going to figure that out one of these days . " " Yes , this is Abigail Scott . I 'm calling about … ah . " She cleared her throat . " I would like to hire you , if you 're available . I 'm available to meet this Friday , whatever time is good for you . Earlier , um , is probably better . " She gave her cell number before hanging up . The mechanical voice told her it had been left the night before , so at least it hadn 't been waiting too long . She dialed the number . " No , it 's fine . Thank you for calling me back at all . I wasn 't sure if I was … well . Hiring private eyes . It 's something television characters do . But I couldn 't really think of any other way to accomplish what I need . I would like to hire you to deliver a message to my daughter , Emily . " " Nothing complicated or dangerous . Ms . Willow , my daughter left home a few years ago . We never got along , and when my husband passed away we were just two people occupying the same space . I tried to connect with her , but I 'm afraid I didn 't do a very good job . We frustrated each other at every turn . One day I came home and she was just … gone . You have no idea what that 's like . " " I don 't know where she went after she left home , but one of Emily 's friends saw her earlier this week working at a club in Bothell . She was tending bar , and she looked healthy enough and in one piece , so I 'm … satisfied . I am . As long as she 's happy . I don 't want to frighten her off , but I do want to let her know that I still love her , and my door is still open if she wants to at least come home for a visit . I chose your agency because of the name . I don 't want Emily to think I 've sent the police after her or that I 'm making some sort of federal case out of this . Bitches doesn 't sound … I mean , no offense … " Ari smiled . " None taken . " Her laptop was already waiting for a command , so she opened a file and poised her fingers over the keyboard . " I can meet you tomorrow so we can iron out the details . If you could bring a picture of your daughter and something she 's worn - " Ari winced . She always felt weird asking for that , but when it came to tracking people down , it was often vital to her success . " I know it 's more than a little unusual , but it helps with the process . " After getting the information and dealing with the onerous matter of payment , Ari promised she would get on the case the following day . She hung up and tied her robe shut as she went into the front office where Dale was typing something . She paused and turned to look at Ari , who smiled . Ari crossed the room and stood behind Dale 's chair . " You 'll do fine . Even if he doesn 't know the details , he has to know you 're an amazing , brilliant , beautiful , happy woman . " She kneaded Dale 's shoulders and bent down to kiss the top of her head . " Come on . By the time we walk back to your place , it 'll be more than an hour since we left . " She let go of Dale , stripped out of the robe , and knelt on the floor . Dale turned away , eyes closed , and ignored the sounds that Ari made as her body was twisted and contorted into new shapes . Popping , snapping , painful stretching noises . Ari 's huffing and puffing changed timbre as they began moving through an elongated snout and a flattened pair of nostrils . Hands turned paws thudded to the floor . Samuel insisted they eat in , refusing to let his daughter pay for an extravagant meal just because he was there . He helped her cook while Ari , still in wolf form , tried to get comfortable in the living room . It just wasn 't happening . She was too accustomed to being human in Dale 's presence . It was like wearing a work uniform to a party . She twisted her neck , shifted position twice , and tried several different spots in the hopes one of them would prove comfortable . " All that pent - up energy . She 's going to be bouncing off the walls . One hour walking her isn 't going to make up - " Ari lifted her head , barked , and made a point to stay in one spot for more than ten minutes . Samuel got something out of the fridge and then began scanning the kitchen floor . He glanced toward the balcony and then frowned . " Where is her food ? Her water ? " He stepped out of the kitchen and retrieved his coat . " Dog food has nutrients that dogs require , and if she 's going to be cooped up in here all week , then they 're more important than ever . " He cut off Dale 's protest with a cut of his hand . " Honey , she seems healthy enough , but you don 't want to wait until she starts needing help to start living healthy . Now I saw a market just down the street . I 'm going down there to get some proper dog food . I 'll be back before dinner is ready . " " What did you want me to say ? " Her voice was low , just in case he was lingering outside the door . " You 're the one who forgot to put out a decoy food dish . Now he 's not going to be happy until he sees you eat . " " Bad dog . " She went to the fridge and took out a hot dog . She knelt down , and Ari stepped around the counter and plucked it from her fingers . After the hot dog was gone , she licked Dale 's fingers and then her cheek . Dale squirmed . " All right , stop it . " She scratched Ari 's neck and kissed the side of her head . " I 'll make it up to you . I promise . " Ari bent forward and spit again , using her free hand to hold her hair out of the way . " You eat a bowl full of Puppy Chow and we 'll see how many times you brush your teeth . " She stuck out her tongue and scrubbed it with the toothbrush . She had already thrown up twice , and now she was nearly depleting their toothpaste . They were both whispering , standing in the bathroom that connected Dale 's bedroom to the front of the apartment . The outer door was locked , and they could hear the television playing in the living room where her father was camped out on the couch . Dale had her back to the connecting door so she could hear if he was approaching . Ari chugged another glass of water , swished it around , and then spit it out . She finally nodded that she was done , or had admitted defeat , and Dale ushered her out into the bedroom . She shut the door , locked it , and followed Ari to the bed . Ari was wearing pajama pants rolled down at the waist and a tank top that showed off her midriff . As she crawled into bed , Dale couldn 't help but admire the curve of her rear end , sliding in next to her and drawing the blankets up over them both . They cuddled together in the middle of the bed , listening to the muffled sounds of the television coming from the other room . Ari stroked Dale 's back and stared at the ceiling , waiting for sleep to take her . She was actually glad to have an excuse to turn down sex ; in the past day she had transformed far more times than she was usually comfortable with . Dale had given her a quick all - over rubdown in the shower , but she was still sore . Ari kissed her forehead . " You 'd do the same for me . All the nights I dragged you out of bed to come pick me up , I can have a few disgusting dinners . At least your dad got a brand that was mostly meat . Chicken . I would have eaten worse in college , if I 'd gone . " The next morning , Ari and Dale shared the shower out of necessity and managed to keep the proceedings mostly chaste . Dale showed Ari that the shower massager had non - prurient capabilities by using it on the aching muscles of her neck and shoulders . Afterward Ari toweled off and slipped into the bedroom to transform . When they finally joined Dale 's father in the kitchen , Ari was in her wolf form and Dale was dressed and ready for a day of father / daughter bonding . Ari followed Dale into the kitchen , glancing at Samuel to see him watching her . If you think I 'm chowing down on the dry dog food again , you 're insane . He coughed and placed his hands on the counter . Dale looked at Ari . Ari looked up at Dale . " Um . You know , I should probably do that . I should drop her off at Sara 's house , anyway . Do you mind me abandoning you ? " " Don 't worry about me . I 'll get ready for our outing . While I was waiting for you to get out of the shower , I looked at the internet and found some places to go . It 'll be a full day . " Ari sat on the kitchen floor and looked up at Samuel . He looked back at her , glanced over his shoulder , and took a piece of bacon off his plate . He tossed it to her , and she snatched it out of the air . He smiled and winked at her as she chewed . " A little people food now and then isn 't a bad thing . " Ari would have smiled if she could . Dale had snuck her a sandwich as a midnight snack , but it didn 't compare to bacon . She was still licking her lips when Dale came back with a duffel bag slung over her shoulder . Dale blinked . " Oh . Brain fart . I was thinking , uh , in the bedroom that we could have dinner with Ari tonight after you have your conference thing . " At a lunch meeting with Abigail Scott , Ari got a photograph of the woman 's prodigal daughter , a notepad - page of information , and a pink T - shirt that had unfortunately been laundered . She supposed she wasn 't surprised , since the girl had moved out a while ago . It was too much to hope for something full of her scent . Ari waited until she was alone in the car before she sniffed it . Under the bleach and detergent smells , she picked up a vague hint of the girl 's scent . Maybe it would help in the bar , maybe not . Either way , it was better than nothing . The bar where Emily worked was called Beautiful Joe , and it was slow for a Friday night . She followed her nose through the mostly - empty lot until she found a car heavy with Emily 's scent . She tried to look inconspicuous as she checked the backseat , but all she found was an umbrella , two folded jackets , and a microcosm of a landfill made up of fast - food containers . She didn 't smell any contraband , so she continued inside . Ari was dressed to blend in , choosing the T - shirt for a band she 'd never heard of but Dale insisted was " in , " and a pair of tight jeans . She took a position at the end of the car and spotted Emily almost immediately . She looked a little thinner than in the photo provided by Abigail . She and the other employees wore the same black polo shirt and tan khakis combination , but Emily had a green apron tied around her waist . Emily grinned and poured her a mug from the tap . " Adventurous or trusting . Either way , you 're gonna be a fun customer . " She put the glass in front of Ari . " Let me know how you like it . Got a name ? " Ari tested the beer and was surprised to find it was actually not bad . Ari watched her , deciding she could give Abigail a little more detail for her money . For the moment Emily seemed like she was doing okay , but the stress of a Friday night tending bar would show her true colors . She could afford the time . Dale 's father would be in the conference until at least nine , so it would most likely be ten before they got together for dinner . " Ah , you caught me . If I tell people that it 's a really great , amazing local brew , they look for reasons to hate it . This way they give it the benefit of the doubt . " " Gotta be crafty in this line of work . Let me know if you want to bump it up to alcohol . You look like you could use it . " Ari was surprised . " Well . I 'm meeting my girlfriend 's father tonight . He thinks I 'm just her boss , doesn 't know she 's gay , so … " " Ooh , I can see how that would be stressful . Want some free advice ? " Ari shrugged . " Don 't try to win him over . Don 't make yourself into the girl he 'd love to see his daughter with . Just show him that you 've already won over his daughter , let him see how much you care for her . Either that will win him over , or he 's unwinable . Either way , your girl will be happy . " " No problem . " She moved off to answer a beckoning patron and Ari watched her go . She held a mouthful of the local brew in her mouth and considered the taste . Definitely good as far as non - alcoholic beers went , and for a local brewery . Hell , it was good period . She swallowed and pulled her lips back over her teeth . She might have to buy a few bottles and take them home . It would give her another chance to start a conversation with Emily and broach the subject of her mother . She had a feeling it would need to be brought up quickly before any goodwill she 'd established evaporated . After an hour , and following a few more genial exchanges , Ari pulled out the pack of cigarettes she 'd bought for the occasion . She tapped them on the edge of the bar to get Emily 's attention . " Is there a place I can have one of these ? " She actually hated smoking period . She 'd done it before when she was on the streets , but that was mainly just to fit in and look tough . It was a good skill to have as a private investigator . People got more relaxed during their smoke breaks , and it could help create an artificial bond between two relative strangers . Emily told her fellow bartender that she was taking a break and motioned for Ari to follow her . They went out through a door marked Employees Only , down a narrow corridor , and out into a back parking lot occupied by dumpsters and one stray cat which quickly vanished into the shadows . Emily took two milk crates off a stack by the door and put them on the ground , taking one for herself as she took a cigarette offered by Ari . Emily grinned . " Eh , they 're used to me . You 're the mysterious newcomer . If you wanted to come back on another night , I 'd cut you in on the profits . " " Hm . " Emily exhaled a plume of smoke . " I wasn 't going to tell you this until you reached for your wallet , but the guys who are refilling their drinks early and often ? A couple of them have also bought your drinks for you . " " Mm - hmm . Right now you 've actually got a surplus of , ah … " She closed one eye and tried to remember . " Three or four drinks . " " Yep . But if you 're looking for tasty non - alcoholic stuff , they only sell what you 're drinking here . It 's a Beautiful Joe 's original . " " I 'll keep that in mind . It was as - advertised . " She flicked the ash off her cigarette , hoping to get away with taking as few puffs as possible . " So , Emily … " Emily coughed against the back of her hand . " Look , it doesn 't have to be awkward . You mentioned your girlfriend earlier and you spend the whole night talking to me instead of the guys paying for you to get not - drunk . " She laughed derisively at herself . " There 's really no good way to just come out and say ' I 'm straight , so don 't bother asking me out , ' is there ? It sounds so narcissistic . " " Hey , you don 't have to run . If I wanted to grab you , I 'd have done it the second we were out here , right ? Your mother doesn 't want me to force you back , and she doesn 't want me to dig into your personal life . All she wants to know is that you 're happy and safe . That 's it . She also wanted me to deliver a message . " " She gave me the impression that when you left , the door closed behind you . No turning back , no going home . But she wants you to know that it 's open . And it 'll stay open . If you want to call her , or just have lunch sometime , she 's there . I know what it 's like to leave home and know the bridge has been burned behind you . There were times even when things were good that I wished I could just get some advice or have a soft place to land . Your mom wants you in her life , as much as you want to be in it . " Emily looked at the door and then back at Ari . " I 'd appreciate it if you didn 't … come back inside . I don 't mean to sound bitter or angry at this , but - " Ari was nodding . " I misled you . I understand . The three or four drink surplus , go ahead and take that as a tip . " She smiled apologetically and stepped around Emily to leave the back lot . " Hey , Ari ? " She stopped and looked back . Emily wasn 't looking at her . " If you want to buy some of that non - alcoholic beer , you can come back during the morning hours . Ask for Charlie and tell him I told you it was okay . He 'll sell it to you cheap . " After they were seated , Dale and her father skirted the edge of several topics of conversation : the weather , the Sonics ( a team which , he was surprised to learn , no longer existed ) , Dale 's health , Samuel 's health , other diners , and the " old hometown . " Dale couldn 't resist smiling at the trip down memory lane , even though she knew it was a ploy to make her homesick enough to make a visit back . And then , of course , he could really start twisting the thumbscrews to get her to just make the return permanent . She was about to abandon him for the bar when she spotted the hostess walking toward them with a woman Dale barely recognized in tow . Ari 's hair was pulled back in a severe bun and she wore horn - rimmed glasses . She wore a black T - shirt under a cream blouse , and a light - colored skirt . The hostess delivered her to the table and swiftly disappeared as Ari took her head . " Hello , Mr . Frye . Sorry for my tardiness . I 'm sure Dale was beginning to fear I wouldn 't arrive at all . Without a text message to remind me , I could have simply forgotten about this meeting altogether . Fortunately your daughter makes certain I keep my appointments . " He smiled as the waitress , spotting the party was all present , made her way over . They ordered and Samuel leaned back in a position Dale remembered as his interrogation posture . " So , ' Ari . ' You 're quite a bit younger than I expected . I 'm surprised someone of your age has the sort of successful business that can support a full - time employee . " Ari shrugged . " Well , in this day and age , all sorts of people need actuaries . Risk assessment is absolutely necessary in a world where every penny counts . Nobody wants to make a dangerous investment , so they come to us . Our main business comes from insurance companies , of course , but we have private clients as well . I use math to predict the future , and in an economy like this , many businesses are willing to pay for my information . " She touched the side frame of her glasses with two fingers and adjusted them , glancing at Dale with a half - smile Samuel couldn 't see . " It 's a bit of a double - edged sword , in point of fact . " Ari folded her hands in front of her . " When you force yourself to see the dangers in any given situation , it can make it somewhat difficult to … live . It makes you afraid . Sometimes dangerous situations don 't work out , yes , but the thrill of taking a risk and having it pay off is - " Dale smiled . " Sure . Sometimes she just gets carried away . She doesn 't know when to stop . Even though I appreciate it … her ramblings , I mean … I don 't want her talking your ear off . " Samuel smiled , now conspiring with Ari . " Well , it 's either that or I tell you about my very exciting dental professional conference . " He looked at Ari . " Would you like to hear about when Dale was six and decided she was going to be a pilot ? " They were halfway through the main course before Ari realized what he was doing . By then the spiral was far too pronounced to safely survive . She didn 't even have an ejector seat . She just braced for the impact that came after their plates were taken away and they were lingering over drinks . He was sitting up straight , his hands flat on the table in front of him . " Ms . Willow . " His return to formality wasn 't lost on her . " Don 't get me wrong because you do seem like a lovely young lady . But the fact is … I really don 't think I like the idea of my daughter being locked up in business with you . " He ignored her . " You 're an actuary . Do the math . You 're irresponsible and forgetful . By your own admission you wouldn 't have come to this dinner at all had she not reminded you in a text message . You don 't instill trust , Ms . Willow . I can see the future as you claim to . One day your business will go under , and I would prefer you not take my daughter down with you . " Ari couldn 't resist . " If that happens , she 'd have to run back home to you . That 's what you want , isn 't it ? So why don 't you just let me fail , if I fail , and get what you want ? " " That 's another bad sign . I could sense you had a bit of a temper , but you 've been holding it back . You 're a volcano waiting to go off , and that will only hasten your company 's defeat . And yes , I do wish Dale would come back home - " Dale cleared her throat . " Dale is still at the table , " she whispered softly , but both of them ignored her . She drained her water glass and then began fishing for ice cubes . " - but I want it to be her choice . I don 't want her to be forced back , because she would only resent it . And I refuse to have you turn my daughter into a failure . She had no reason to crash and burn with you . You need to let her go and allow the inevitable to happen . There 's - ahh ! " His shoulders hunched as the ice cube was dropped under the collar of his shirt to skim down his back . Ari tried to pull away , but Dale was too quick and repeated the move on her . It fell down the front of Ari 's shirt , trapped by her bra , and sat coldly against her sternum as Dale dropped back into her seat . " I 'm not going anywhere , Dad . I 'm staying here in Seattle , where I belong . And succeed or fail , I 'm staying with Ari . She 's not just my boss , she 's … " " She 's my best friend . " Dale seemed disappointed in herself , but she carried on . " She 's the best friend I 've ever had , and she was willing to lie to you all weekend because it would make things easier on me . But it 'll be easier to just tell you the truth . Ari isn 't an actuary , she 's a private investigator . Her agency is called Bitches Investigations , and I 'm her assistant . And yes , it 's dangerous . And yes , I have been hurt once or twice working with her . But I keep going back because Ari and I save each other . We 've done it from the moment we met . If I fail , it 'll be because Ari 's not in my life . And if she fails , it 'll be because I 'm not in hers . " Ari made the decision to retreat outside the restaurant , taking a visual cue from Dale that told her it was okay . She drove back to the agency and used her time to type up a report , which she would hand over to Abigail Scott alongside an oral report of what happened with Emily . She took off the blazer and glasses and let down her hair , her mind constantly drawn back to the scene between Dale and her father . Ari couldn 't blame her for it . The speech was courageous enough . It was a definite step in the right direction . And it wasn 't a lie ; at least Ari hoped it wasn 't . Dale was the best friend she 'd ever had , too . Twenty minutes later , Ari was holding Dale on the couch . " Why was that easier ? " Dale asked . " I mean , having a dangerous job is as bad as being gay , right ? It was just as horrible for him to hear . So why can I tell him that and not … " Ari stroked Dale 's hair . " The job is something you chose , so it 's not a big deal if he rejects it . But being gay is a part of who you are . If he rejects that , then it 's like he 's rejecting you . There 's no way to prepare yourself for that from anyone , let alone your father . " She traced the shell of Dale 's ear . " What will happen now ? " Dale sighed . " We had our typical blow - out , and it 'll get forgotten tomorrow because sleep conquers all . It 's like the reset button in our family . Say what you want , go to bed , wake up in the morning and ignore it ever happened . " She sniffled . " But he 'll still be at a hotel . We 'll have dinner and he 'll go to his conference , and then on Sunday I 'll drive him to the airport to take him home . Wash , rinse , repeat for his next trip . " " I 'm there . " She kissed Dale 's forehead , and Dale tilted her head up . Their lips met , and Dale rearranged herself on top of Ari . " You know , " Ari said between kisses , " we 're … alone in the apartment now … I believe you promised me a reward for being such a good girl last night . " Dale grinned . " Oh , that has to wait until we have all our toys back in one place . I have plans , Ariadne Willow . Oh , you better believe I have plans . " Ari grinned and hooked her finger in the collar of Dale 's blouse , pulling her back down . Ari smiled as they " settled " for just making out for a half hour or so . Ari could wait to get Dale 's gratitude . She knew it would be worth the wait . But as soon as Samuel was on a plane back to Amish Country , she was going to make sure Dale 's apartment got re - gayed as quickly as possibly . Reply Sorry for the INSANELY late reply to this ! 🙁 Dale and Natalie broke up after the events of " Pack Mentality . " This site doesn 't have a full list of the stories … if you want a more comprehensive list , you can find it on AO3 ! Volume 1 takes place before the first novel ( available in paperback and ebook editions ) , and Volume 2 takes place afterward when Ari and Dale have become a couple . Volume 1 : http : / / archiveofourown . org / series / 7710 |
It 's Halloween and I 'm in pain . Yep , I 've had to rest my left arm from doing any craft . . . this is no fair . I also am not allowed on a computer . Over the past week , my left arm has been giving me horrible pain - and on Wednesday night , I just couldn 't sleep . So , what happened ? I went to the doctors yesterday and I 've pinched and inflamed my Ulna nerve . . . yowch ! Not exactly what I thought it would have been , but at least I know how to treat it . The doctor said for me to sit and read a book ; so I have been doing that , and surfing the net and looking at things . But this year , I 'm not celebrating Halloween . For the first time ever , I can 't dress up my house and get the spooky on for the kids - not that any of them ever showed up at my place . I 'm unable to carve a pumpkin and I just can 't afford the lollies or anything . So , what I have done is bring my Halloween Box over to my parent 's house so Mum can dip into it this year . I also brought over the decorations so they can have the fun I normally have . It was missing a few things , but she said it 's good I went to the trouble of making up the baggies of kookie stuff for the kids . Anyway , I 've been sitting here just looking around Facebook and reading a few things . My left arm is still twinging a little from time to time ; otherwise I 'm good . The main problem I have is that this arm will take a while to heal seeing I 'm left - handed and have been trying to feed myself and do other things with my right hand , things I do normally with my left arm . . . I know that sounds silly , but as much rest as possible will help it in every way . How fortunate was I that my older brother broke my little finger on my left hand when I was 12 ? Yep , I have been in this position before , yonks ago . . . and now I 'm back in it again over 25 years later . Oh well , I guess things happen for a reason . . . I think this has happened to tell me to slow down ; and slow down I 'll have to do . Until my next post , take care , stay safe and remember I 'm always here . . . and have a good ' n ' spooky Halloween - all 3 days of it - as tonight is the first day of the 3 - day celebration of the dead . Tomorrow is All Saint 's Day and 2nd , November is The Day of the Dead - where people who celebrate this time of year dress in black and celebrate the 3 - day festival to its fullest . It 's also the best time of year to talk to anyone who 's passed away . On Wednesday , I did my fortnightly grocery shop . It was good , but I forgot my synthetic bags and ended up with a collection of plastic bags ; not something I want to do again . Thursday was busy . I packed the car with some doors off the old sewing machine in my bedroom and took them to Mum and Dad 's place at around 9am and then headed off to Bunnings where I picked out a new pot for the garden . It was a huge , gorgeous off - white pot to take the place of the red seat in the back yard lining the fence . You see , the feet on that seat ( and the seat itself ) have been slowly rotting . Even though I painted it , it still hasn 't been stable enough to hold anyone of late . So , on Thursday , I removed it from my yard and put it up the back of the complex for the caretaker to take away . After moving the tiles around that were placed there for the feet , I put the pot there and prepared it for my potting idea - a centerpiece for the garden . . . I hoped it worked out . On Friday , I was out again . But this time , I was happily celebrating owning my Little Green Machine for six months ! Yes , six months had sped by since Dad bought me this lovely Astra . So I celebrated by going out and getting some gardening gear at Bunnings and doing some gardening . I filled out the half - pot on the fence with a little gorgeous ' Red Wing ' , so it doesn 't look so empty . The new big pot looked so lovely in its spot and I half filled it with potting mix I had left over and some pipes I had put inside it to see what they 'd look like when I actually had them properly installed . Yesterday , I went out to the Springwood Community Centre and bought up big with the plants . I spent only $ 13 on plants . . . great stuff ! I also bought a bottle of mango chutney Dad loves for $ 4 . 00 too . . . then I off to Mum and Dad 's place to work on the sewing machine ; which it turned out wasn 't going to be worked . Instead , I worked on the bath table . Dad and I took it apart and I sanded it down after getting all the gundgy stuff off it . While I did that , Dad went off to the dump . Before long , I was finished for the day and started to pack up , but Dad wanted me to stay and put on a coat of shelack . I really didn 't want to ; I had some other things to get done at home - some plants to pot up and a bit of work to get done around the house before the sun went down . But he stilled wanted me to stay . . . I don 't think he understands I have other things to do at my house . Mum still has to explain it all to him . Well , I arrived home after lunch and got stuck into the gardening and the plants look great in their new home ! I had put up some netting and they looked wonderful with some recycled stuff around the place - especially seeing I recycled the silver stones from out the front of the house . I really love they look so good with anything ! And the plants fitted into their new pots so well ! The back three are the new plants and the two front ones are from around my place . This morning , I heard it was going to be around 30 degrees Celsius . . . so finished breakfast quickly and got out into the garden and watered everything thoroughly . The Agapanthus look like they 're about to put out blooms as they 're sitting up more . My Gloxinia hasn 't put out leaves - yet - but give it time , we 've had a few cold days and nights , so with the heat coming up , it 'll get there . And the possums didn 't get in and eat the new Red Wing last night thanks to the new netting put up yesterday . . . I hope it holds . Today , like I said , I 'm hoping to chill out and do nothing . I hope to be able to be able to work on more magna - pegs and on Monday or Tuesday , I 'll get out there and buy more magnets for them at Garden City . Well , until next time , take care , stay safe and remember , I 'm always here . Posted by I was there for a bit - well until Mrs Dickenson showed up - and then I was off again . I went to Suncorp to get some money out and then to Bunnings where I picked out a large pot for the garden and a plant to replace the one which had been destroyed by the possums in the halfpot on the fence . Before going to either place , I had to fax one bank and then return to the post office again to check the mail . You see , I 've won a book by John Connolly . His publisher was supposed to have sent it to me by the end of last week . But it never arrived . So , I called up the place I won it from and they helped me out . . . wonderful people ! They told me that it should be here by the end of this week . It 's Thursday , and it 's still not arrived - but still , there 's one more day left in the week . I 'll give it until Monday morning and then I 'll really get impatient . I mean , how hard is it to post off a book ? Anyway , I bought the pot and the plant , and came home . I was hoping to go to Super Cheap to buy a steering wheel cover - because that darned thing is beginning to get hot ! - but I wanted to get home and do some serious gardening . But I thought that , seeing I had checked the mail at 8 : 30am this morning , it would make sense to check it again a few hours later . After all , they would have finished sorting the parcels . So , I was on Kingston Road , checked my mirrors , saw a large old ute ( and I mean it was a Dodge pick - up . . . old kinda thing ) and I indicated at the right time , slowed down . . . and that damned Dodge pick - up was right on my arse ! He had been coming in from Randall Street and didn 't see me ! Crap ! He very nearly side - swiped me ! Of course , he blasted his horn at me as though I was in the wrong , and I wondered if he did clip me . I pulled up in a spot as fast as I could and looked my car over . . . nope , no marks . Yes , he was that close to hitting me , it wasn 't funny . But it wasn 't my fault either . I did all the right things ; and he was coming into a main road from a side street , and should have looked where he was going , watched what people were doing . And most of all , not been in such a hurry to get where he needed to go . I wasn 't speeding - seeing I had a large terracotta pot in the boot of my car - and I didn 't want to be in an accident all because some idiot didn 't look where he was going . Well , I checked my mail box and there wasn 't anything there . . . okay , fair enough . . . then I was on my way home . Once home , I was right into the yard immediately moving the chair out into the recycling area of the unit complex , and moving the tiles I had in its place for the feet of it . Then I placed the pot in its place and potted up the new plant in the halfpot on the fence . . . so that was part one of the revamp . Part two will happen either this week or next pay ; more likely the latter . So , how has your day been so far ? Mine 's been most of the 31 flavours of crazy . . . but then , some days are like that , right ? Until my next post , take care , stay safe and remember , I 'm always here . This past weekend was one of early mornings , all day work and staying up way , way past my bedtime curfew . On Saturday morning , my alarm woke me at 5 : 30am ; not the most wonderful time to get out of bed on a weekend , but then , I had markets to be at by 8 : 30am all the way over at Murarrie State School . So , I thought to get up early and be able to take my time , than wake late and rush through my morning routine . Well , I was on the road by 7 : 45am on the dot ! I had to go to the bank and plug into the GPS the address and then ? Well , I on my way ! It didn 't take me long to get to the school - actually , a shorter length of time than I thought it would , so I thought to slowly set up and then take a walk around the school and photograph the animals and other parts of the place to show off where I was for the day . After buying myself some coffee and a cupcake for $ 5 . 00 I returned to my stall to find the wind was picking up and it had already tossed over my easel . Some of the other stall owners had been good enough to pick it up for me and put the magnets back on the sheet of metal . But the darned thing wouldn 't stay . So , I had to lower it and sit next to it . For the whole day , other things kept on blowing shut , or falling down . But I put up with all of that just to make myself a bit of money . It was good to enjoy the day there ; it could have been worse - we could have had rain ( then I would have packed up or had to put down plastic to protect my goods ) . But then , I found out that some people just packed up and left because of the wind , whereas I didn 't . And you know , it was after midday I made the most of my money and profits ; very cool ! Well , by 2pm , the people and crowds left and we were advised that it was okay to pack up if we wanted to . One of my friends had arrived and he offered to help me pack up ; and I didn 't say no to that . Geoff could see how tired I was too . I drove to Mum and Dad 's place and showed them the photos and told them about the day , all the while patting Jay the wonderful doggie . . . yeah , Gabe and Kat had gotten them to care for her for a few days . Before long , I was off home , vegging out in front of the television munching on a snack . I didn 't want to be eating anything too heavy before crawling under the covers of my bed at around 10pm . Sunday was my brother 's 43rd birthday . He had had a costume party the night before . . . a very cool alien costume party ; which was fun for everyone . And so , I missed out due to being exhausted and Mum and Dad went to see Ahn Doh at the Logan Entertainment Centre . They totally enjoyed themselves . . . it was great . Well , I spent the day surfing the net and stuffing around online and pretty much not doing too much . I was just too tired ; plus my right foot wasn 't feeling too hot . I had tripped down a tiny step the day before and turned it . But seeing I didn 't feel anything on Saturday , I didn 't thing anything about it . Then , Sunday morning came around and - woah ! - the pain kicked in ! And Gabe wanted to go out to dinner . So , I asked Dad if it was sprained . He looked at it , and thankfully said no , but it 's been strained pretty badly . So , take it easy , and put a hot face washer on it before bed to keep the bruising and swelling down . I did that and on Monday it was far better than it was on Sunday . But yesterday , I had to just slow down and take it easy , no fast turns or twists on that foot . Today , it 's better than ever . . . I still have a twinge of pain in it , and it 's a little swollen still , but it 's not as painful as it was on Sunday . So , it 's getting better as time goes on . However , my chiropractor will think otherwise . Also today , the past three days of me going out has finally caught up with me . I 've been out to the bank to pay for the rent on my last stall rental . Then , I went to the post office to check the mail , then I came on home . . . yep , that 's all the driving I 'll be doing today . So , how was your weekend ? Until my next post , take care , stay safe and remember , I 'm always here . Today , after breakfast , I packed the car as much as I can with everything , both stock boxes and the stores box and then threw a blanket over the lot and put in the two - wheel trolley and locked it up . I still have my bag to pack as well the esky and then that 's it . I 'll be working on getting enough sleep tonight and taking off by 8am tomorrow - maybe a little before - and getting there by 8 : 30am . I don 't want to be rushing ; which is understandable . For the rest of the weekend , I 'm hoping to get to Mum and Dad 's place to have lunch and enjoy time with my older brother and his family for his birthday , then come home and chill out . On Monday , there 's my Craft Day and I 'll be heading off the Garden City to pick up something from there before heading to my afternoon with the ladies at Springwood . Otherwise , early nights are on the cards for a while . In our lives , we 've all come across products we 've regretted buying , right ? Sure we have ! I admit there 's been products I 've bought and then wondered what the hell I was thinking and either returned it , thrown it out or , did the horrible thing , and kept it until it wasn 't worth anything anymore and donated it to a charity ( the latter I don 't do anymore ) . But really , over the last four years , I 've put up with a lot of bad choices . One of those choices was something I fell in lust with : Apple products . Boy was that a bad crush on something that was so not worth the money my folks spent on my only Christmas Present . Then , when I tried to get my music back onto it , it didn 't work . . . but that wasn 't the shitty part . No . . . that didn 't really make me want to smash it into tiny , little pieces with the back tyre of my car ( which by the by , works better than any Apple product out there mainly because Steve Jobs knew what he was doing when he started Apple . However since he stepped back , the whole company has ended up in the toilet ! Now he 's gone , it 's just gotten worse - good one Apple , fuck up big time now the big boss isn 't here to pick up the pieces permanently ! ) . Anyway , I did try everything to get my music back onto my iPod and failed . Then , I went onto the cloud and found all my apps that I bought from iTunes were gone ! ! ! I e - mailed Apple and they told me that after 2 years , they get deleted from the cloud ! What ? ? ? Are they kidding ? ? ? Well ! That pissed me right off to no end . I nearly threw the iPod across the room to smash it into shards - after all it 's only made of glass and metal - but restrained myself . I went on to iTunes and pulled all the free ones I could remember off there and put them on it . These included the lists and some of the radio station ones . However , the book I wanted to put on to my iPod still wouldn 't go . What a load of horse hockey ! But then , I looked at the time . . . three hours had passed and I had to go out . I unplugged the iPod , closed down the computer ( after screaming at it ) and then packed the car . Halfway through packing the car , my neighbour came across and asked if I was okay . . . I gritted that I hate Apple . . . he nodded saying he understood and went home . So , my mind was made up from that . . . I 'm only going to use my Apple for my shopping list from now on until Christmas . What I 'm going to do after that is put it into a drawer and let the battery go flat . Yes , Apple has been the biggest regret of my life - and my parents ' life . . . simply because of how bad the programming is . I hate it that after only a few years , they stop working and you 're expected to go out and buy another iPod or tablet because they make sure your product stops working . This is crap . People - normal people - aren 't made of money . We want products that work , and work properly , for many years . Android is one of those products . . . and so I 've asked my folks for only one present this year for Christmas : an Android phone that can carry music , apps , books and lists . . . is that so hard to find ? I hope not . Until my next post , take care , stay safe and remember I 'm always here . I have no children . I 'm not married . I never wanted children and I never wanted to get married . But this doesn 't mean I don 't like children ; it just means I wasn 't cut out to be a Mum . When I was in high school , I had other ideas of where my life was going to go , and it wasn 't looking after a family of rugrats and a husband . It was becoming a writer , an artist and traveling the world on my own . If somebody came into my life ? Well , that 'd be great , but I didn 't want children to complicate it . I didn 't want to marry that person . . . I wanted my life to be easy , simple and , well . . . when you 've grown up with a medical condition as complex as mine , you don 't want to complicate it with anything like a marriage , mortgage and a family - especially if you 're only going to make things expensively difficult for that future family of yours ( if I decided to take that road - which I didn 't ) . So , I stayed single - most of the time - and didn 't get into anything too heavy . Yes , I moved in with a boyfriend and a flatmate . . . then almost as soon as I got comfortable , we went our separate ways . And about two years or so later , my boyfriend and I broke up . I rebounded onto another and he turned out to be a Jekyl & Hyde abusive prick who thought loving somebody was taking a woman who was confident , self - assured and happy , meant he could talk down to her , beat her and rape her . Yeah , I got a very rude wake - up call about men like that . After nine very long months , and a miscarriage , I broke up with him . . . I never trusted anyone again . It 's been fifteen years and I still can 't sleep with anyone , allow anyone close enough for a relationship and don 't want any man close enough to me to know exactly who I am deep down . But I 'm an Aunty . My brother has a lovely daughter who is wonderful . When she was young , she looked up to me . She asked me lots of questions about why I wasn 't with anyone , and I fibbed to her saying God told me care for her . . . now she 's older , she knows the truth . She knows my last boyfriend ( if you 'd call him that ) wasn 't nice to me . I tell her the warning signs of abusive boys / guys and advise her to fight back if she 's ever bullied . . . no matter what happens . I know you 'll all say what I 've told her is wrong , but really , when I was younger , at school , I was the shortest kid . I was the pale , tiny , redhead with a rotten temper and I didn 't know my maths , I got bullied all the time . . . so when I hit high school , I kept to myself . I still got bullied . So , I fought back . . . something nobody expected . I 'm in my 40 's now , and people still think they can walk on me . . . no matter how old they are , who they are , where they 're from . . . they think they can push me around . It 's not until I snap back that they realise I 'm not one to fool with . So , I tell my niece to stand up for herself - because if she doesn 't people will take advantage of her gentle spirit . It was a little of both to be truthful - but I didn 't tell anyone - well , on kid , but I knew he wouldn 't tell anyone . I remember saying I was going to get sick again soon ; and so I had to live more and children would get in the way , or I 'd end up not being able to have them ; so why go through the heartache of trying and not being able to ? Or something like that . He kind of understood - kind of . But at my 20 year high school reunion , there were people there who had no clue I had been sick when I was young ( and these were kids I went to primary school with ) , and they were amazed I was still around . Me ? I 'm amazing I 'm still around after all the crap I 've been through . But I love my niece . I buy her things for her art , read her writing , enjoy her jokes and company . . . she 's just like her Dad in every way . And when I 'm looking for a present for her , I make sure it 's a good one . . . something nice , stylish and something she needs and has that off - beat kinda style that is simply her . I get her stuff from art stores her Dad doesn 't have time to buy her ; and her Mum either . So , I 'm the one who buys my niece the cool portable things that she can fold up and take places , pencils that are on sale . I buy her small sketch books for her to take traveling with her . . . yep , I 'm definitely a good Aunty in that way . And then , she 'll tell me cool secrets and ask me questions she feels she can 't ask anyone ; and knows I won 't tell anyone . . . sure I 'll write them down , but in my own private journal . And who 's going to see that ? And I 'd never repeat those questions here . Even though I don 't have children , and never will be a Mum , I think it 's great to be on the Aunty Parade and enjoy watching my niece grow up . She 's not all that big on me not having children , but she gets it . . . you know ? Well , until my next post , take care , stay safe and remember , I 'm always here . Posted by It was a good day . I bought everything I needed and wanted for the fortnight ; and found my grocery bill came in cheaper than normal . This is good . I had bought a few things at the charity stores ; finding some cute teapots with cups that fit underneath them . . . I don 't know what they 're called , but they 're cute as hell ! I found two of them for $ 4 . 00 each and bought them both ! One of them I 'm going to keep and other is going to my Birthday Buddy on Bookcrossing . Well , anyway , I also found a brand new scrapbooker 's book which had never been used . It still had all the corners in the back on the piece of cardboard . . . so I 'll be doing up this book as a display piece to show people what other pieces I have at home and which markets I have been to . Mainly to show what I can do in photographic form , so they can look through it . When I returned home , I had some people walked in through the car gate who really didn 't think I needed to drive through the place . They walked all over the place , right up the middle of the drive , and right out into the path of my car as I turned the corner ( it wasn 't as though they didn 't see me , they just simply didn 't care I was there ) . I looked at them , waited and they stopped . I went to go again , and he walked again . . . man , talk about dumb ! The man ended up letting me go first before giving me a filthy look . . . well , pardon me , but don 't walk out in front of a car if you know I 'm there ; especially if I 've already stopped to let you pass and you didn 't . Well , I 've been trying to use Facebook tonight and it 's just not working . So , I might take off and have an early night . Until my next post , take care , stay safe and remember , I 'm always here . Yesterday was my birthday . I slept in after I received a phone call from my folks and then , decided to walk to the service station to buy a paper . When I stepped out onto the footpath , I saw a motorcade of old , fixed - up cars , trucks and motorcycles coast past ! They were gorgeous ! So , out came my camera and I took some photos of them driving down the road . . . what a sight ! Once I had the paper and was home , I made pancakes , and ate them while reading the paper a bit ; and jumped online for an hour or so . However , that time got away from me and before I knew it , I was running late . . . it was past midday ! So , I jumped in the shower , dressed , put on my make up and packed the car . I was going to Gabe and Kat 's place for lunch ; and to celebrate my birthday with family . It took me around half and hour to get there - and when I arrived , Gabe said he had called my place to see if I had left , and when he had gotten my machine , he knew I was on the road and didn 't called my mobile ( knowing I 'd not pick up while I was driving ) . I said I never touch my mobile when I 'm driving the car , and that it can wait until I get where I 'm going . He agreed . Well ! They were ready for me and I had taken my new esky with me I had bought for myself for my birthday with my cake inside it . It was so cool ! We had spring rolls with rice paper - a make it yourself thing . . . where you soaked the rice paper in hot water and it softened and then you picked out what you wanted to eat from the buffet on the table ; delicious ! We listened to some great music and had some good laughs too . While I was there , I got Gabe to shorten the necklace he gave me for my birthday ; and once he did , he said he forgot how incredibly short I am . . . hehee . . . yeah I am quite short ; only 5ft nothing . Before we knew it , it was time for Riley to pack to go home to her Mum and I had to start making tracks home myself ; to beat the traffic . I had given Riley her birthday gift ; but she didn 't want to open it until her actual birthday , so that 's okay , up to her . She just knows it 's going to be something really cool ( as she told me that I always give her cool stuff for her birthday and Christmas - how cool is that ? ) . Well , I came home and made it here in about half an hour - the traffic was pretty good getting there and coming home . But I was expecting a friend of mine to visit and I had arrived around 4 : 30pm . It got later and later and he still didn 't show . At around 7pm , there was a knock the door and one of my neighbours I barely speak to said that he had texted him to ask me to call or text him on his number . I thanked him and did . . . and what do you know ? My friend had been at my place at about 4 : 30pm and I wasn 't home - at the time when I was just pulling into the driveway . He said we must have just missed each other . . . don 't you hate that ? I do . Oh well . Next time . Until my next post , take care , stay safe and remember , I 'm always here . Today , I was up nice and early and put on the laundry at around 8am . It said on the radio it was going to be a hot , hot day here in Brisbane . So , out on the line went the sheets , two loads of my usual laundry and my hand - washing . . . and about time too ! But it 's going to be dried by this arvo as we 're supposed to get a storm ; well , let 's hope anyway . I 'm looking outside and the sky is a gorgeous blue colour and there 's not a cloud to be seen ! How lovely is that ? And yet it 's stinking hot out there and I 'm nice and cool here inside my home office ; and I have no intention of going outside for a while yet . . . not until it cools off a bit . Yesterday afternoon , I did a little gardening of mowing the lawn , clipping the hedges in my yard ( and out in the courtyard out the front of my place too ) and then trimming a little off my Large Leaf Jade . When I was finished , I potted up a couple of the trimmings to give as Christmas presents this year , as these plants are expensive to buy from nurseries . So , there 's three in my yard in tiny pots all watered in and waiting for December . Today , not long ago actually , I heard the rubbish truck come and he stayed for a while . Wondering why , I took off down stairs and found there were a lot of smashed beer bottles on the ground that had tipped out of one of the bins when he picked it up . . . damn ! So , he asked for a scoop , and I raced off and found one . The rubbish collection guy was great . He swept up as much of the glass as he could from under and on the truck before collecting the rest of the bins . Then , as he turned around , he spotted more glass he had missed , so he climbed out and swept that up too . However , the unfortunate thing is that there 's tiny shards of glass on the concrete where the kids around here will need to wear shoes . So , seeing I was wearing shoes , I collected as many bins as I could before returning inside . Sheryl - who is at unit 42 , was about to walk out without shoes on , and I said to stay where she was because of the glass . She said she 'll make the girls wear shoes and I said I had told her eldest daughter to go and put shoes on already , and she smiled , saying that it was good I looked out for her . Well , once out of the intense heat of the day , I was relieved to come back inside my place . Wow ! Does the insulation make a difference or what ? I can 't believe I lived for so many years without it and put up with sweltering conditions and boiling hot nights here . Even on the afternoon of my birthday party - and Mum and Dad 's 45th Wedding Anniversary - Gabe and Kat were amazed at how nice and cool my house was . Mum said that it used to be horribly hot and I 'd struggle during Summer ; upstairs used to get up to around 45 degrees Celsius every day and it was impossible to sleep at night - so I 'd sleep during the day to catch up . So , when they bought the unit / townhouse , they immediately put in insulation and within about 72 hours , I was sleeping upstairs in my own bed again ; instead of on the lounge in the middle of the day . Gabe was amazed . . . Kat couldn 't believe ; and said she wouldn 't live in a place like that . I said I couldn 't afford to move from here . . . but now it 's years later and I have been able to make this place better because my folks bought it ; and I can pretty much do what I want with it . Hello and welcome to ' My Book - Crazy Life . . . ' . This is a kind of journal of sorts ; however , there 's nothing personal and weird about it . I keep my really personal stuff for the one offline ; so don 't worry . This one is for things that I 'd like to chat about and discuss . It 's about anything and everything around us : what 's in the news ( nothing too political don 't worry ) , life and loves , books ( of course ! ) , the environment and anything that really strikes a nerve with me and I 'd like to talk about it . So , if you 're into reading something that could make you think , laugh , a debate , a bit of a time - waster or just to leave a comment on what you think of what I 've written - whether you agree with me or not - well , this may be the blog for you ! My Scribblings |
It 's Halloween and I 'm in pain . Yep , I 've had to rest my left arm from doing any craft . . . this is no fair . I also am not allowed on a computer . Over the past week , my left arm has been giving me horrible pain - and on Wednesday night , I just couldn 't sleep . So , what happened ? I went to the doctors yesterday and I 've pinched and inflamed my Ulna nerve . . . yowch ! Not exactly what I thought it would have been , but at least I know how to treat it . The doctor said for me to sit and read a book ; so I have been doing that , and surfing the net and looking at things . But this year , I 'm not celebrating Halloween . For the first time ever , I can 't dress up my house and get the spooky on for the kids - not that any of them ever showed up at my place . I 'm unable to carve a pumpkin and I just can 't afford the lollies or anything . So , what I have done is bring my Halloween Box over to my parent 's house so Mum can dip into it this year . I also brought over the decorations so they can have the fun I normally have . It was missing a few things , but she said it 's good I went to the trouble of making up the baggies of kookie stuff for the kids . Anyway , I 've been sitting here just looking around Facebook and reading a few things . My left arm is still twinging a little from time to time ; otherwise I 'm good . The main problem I have is that this arm will take a while to heal seeing I 'm left - handed and have been trying to feed myself and do other things with my right hand , things I do normally with my left arm . . . I know that sounds silly , but as much rest as possible will help it in every way . How fortunate was I that my older brother broke my little finger on my left hand when I was 12 ? Yep , I have been in this position before , yonks ago . . . and now I 'm back in it again over 25 years later . Oh well , I guess things happen for a reason . . . I think this has happened to tell me to slow down ; and slow down I 'll have to do . Until my next post , take care , stay safe and remember I 'm always here . . . and have a good ' n ' spooky Halloween - all 3 days of it - as tonight is the first day of the 3 - day celebration of the dead . Tomorrow is All Saint 's Day and 2nd , November is The Day of the Dead - where people who celebrate this time of year dress in black and celebrate the 3 - day festival to its fullest . It 's also the best time of year to talk to anyone who 's passed away . On Wednesday , I did my fortnightly grocery shop . It was good , but I forgot my synthetic bags and ended up with a collection of plastic bags ; not something I want to do again . Thursday was busy . I packed the car with some doors off the old sewing machine in my bedroom and took them to Mum and Dad 's place at around 9am and then headed off to Bunnings where I picked out a new pot for the garden . It was a huge , gorgeous off - white pot to take the place of the red seat in the back yard lining the fence . You see , the feet on that seat ( and the seat itself ) have been slowly rotting . Even though I painted it , it still hasn 't been stable enough to hold anyone of late . So , on Thursday , I removed it from my yard and put it up the back of the complex for the caretaker to take away . After moving the tiles around that were placed there for the feet , I put the pot there and prepared it for my potting idea - a centerpiece for the garden . . . I hoped it worked out . On Friday , I was out again . But this time , I was happily celebrating owning my Little Green Machine for six months ! Yes , six months had sped by since Dad bought me this lovely Astra . So I celebrated by going out and getting some gardening gear at Bunnings and doing some gardening . I filled out the half - pot on the fence with a little gorgeous ' Red Wing ' , so it doesn 't look so empty . The new big pot looked so lovely in its spot and I half filled it with potting mix I had left over and some pipes I had put inside it to see what they 'd look like when I actually had them properly installed . Yesterday , I went out to the Springwood Community Centre and bought up big with the plants . I spent only $ 13 on plants . . . great stuff ! I also bought a bottle of mango chutney Dad loves for $ 4 . 00 too . . . then I off to Mum and Dad 's place to work on the sewing machine ; which it turned out wasn 't going to be worked . Instead , I worked on the bath table . Dad and I took it apart and I sanded it down after getting all the gundgy stuff off it . While I did that , Dad went off to the dump . Before long , I was finished for the day and started to pack up , but Dad wanted me to stay and put on a coat of shelack . I really didn 't want to ; I had some other things to get done at home - some plants to pot up and a bit of work to get done around the house before the sun went down . But he stilled wanted me to stay . . . I don 't think he understands I have other things to do at my house . Mum still has to explain it all to him . Well , I arrived home after lunch and got stuck into the gardening and the plants look great in their new home ! I had put up some netting and they looked wonderful with some recycled stuff around the place - especially seeing I recycled the silver stones from out the front of the house . I really love they look so good with anything ! And the plants fitted into their new pots so well ! The back three are the new plants and the two front ones are from around my place . This morning , I heard it was going to be around 30 degrees Celsius . . . so finished breakfast quickly and got out into the garden and watered everything thoroughly . The Agapanthus look like they 're about to put out blooms as they 're sitting up more . My Gloxinia hasn 't put out leaves - yet - but give it time , we 've had a few cold days and nights , so with the heat coming up , it 'll get there . And the possums didn 't get in and eat the new Red Wing last night thanks to the new netting put up yesterday . . . I hope it holds . Today , like I said , I 'm hoping to chill out and do nothing . I hope to be able to be able to work on more magna - pegs and on Monday or Tuesday , I 'll get out there and buy more magnets for them at Garden City . Well , until next time , take care , stay safe and remember , I 'm always here . Posted by I was there for a bit - well until Mrs Dickenson showed up - and then I was off again . I went to Suncorp to get some money out and then to Bunnings where I picked out a large pot for the garden and a plant to replace the one which had been destroyed by the possums in the halfpot on the fence . Before going to either place , I had to fax one bank and then return to the post office again to check the mail . You see , I 've won a book by John Connolly . His publisher was supposed to have sent it to me by the end of last week . But it never arrived . So , I called up the place I won it from and they helped me out . . . wonderful people ! They told me that it should be here by the end of this week . It 's Thursday , and it 's still not arrived - but still , there 's one more day left in the week . I 'll give it until Monday morning and then I 'll really get impatient . I mean , how hard is it to post off a book ? Anyway , I bought the pot and the plant , and came home . I was hoping to go to Super Cheap to buy a steering wheel cover - because that darned thing is beginning to get hot ! - but I wanted to get home and do some serious gardening . But I thought that , seeing I had checked the mail at 8 : 30am this morning , it would make sense to check it again a few hours later . After all , they would have finished sorting the parcels . So , I was on Kingston Road , checked my mirrors , saw a large old ute ( and I mean it was a Dodge pick - up . . . old kinda thing ) and I indicated at the right time , slowed down . . . and that damned Dodge pick - up was right on my arse ! He had been coming in from Randall Street and didn 't see me ! Crap ! He very nearly side - swiped me ! Of course , he blasted his horn at me as though I was in the wrong , and I wondered if he did clip me . I pulled up in a spot as fast as I could and looked my car over . . . nope , no marks . Yes , he was that close to hitting me , it wasn 't funny . But it wasn 't my fault either . I did all the right things ; and he was coming into a main road from a side street , and should have looked where he was going , watched what people were doing . And most of all , not been in such a hurry to get where he needed to go . I wasn 't speeding - seeing I had a large terracotta pot in the boot of my car - and I didn 't want to be in an accident all because some idiot didn 't look where he was going . Well , I checked my mail box and there wasn 't anything there . . . okay , fair enough . . . then I was on my way home . Once home , I was right into the yard immediately moving the chair out into the recycling area of the unit complex , and moving the tiles I had in its place for the feet of it . Then I placed the pot in its place and potted up the new plant in the halfpot on the fence . . . so that was part one of the revamp . Part two will happen either this week or next pay ; more likely the latter . So , how has your day been so far ? Mine 's been most of the 31 flavours of crazy . . . but then , some days are like that , right ? Until my next post , take care , stay safe and remember , I 'm always here . This past weekend was one of early mornings , all day work and staying up way , way past my bedtime curfew . On Saturday morning , my alarm woke me at 5 : 30am ; not the most wonderful time to get out of bed on a weekend , but then , I had markets to be at by 8 : 30am all the way over at Murarrie State School . So , I thought to get up early and be able to take my time , than wake late and rush through my morning routine . Well , I was on the road by 7 : 45am on the dot ! I had to go to the bank and plug into the GPS the address and then ? Well , I on my way ! It didn 't take me long to get to the school - actually , a shorter length of time than I thought it would , so I thought to slowly set up and then take a walk around the school and photograph the animals and other parts of the place to show off where I was for the day . After buying myself some coffee and a cupcake for $ 5 . 00 I returned to my stall to find the wind was picking up and it had already tossed over my easel . Some of the other stall owners had been good enough to pick it up for me and put the magnets back on the sheet of metal . But the darned thing wouldn 't stay . So , I had to lower it and sit next to it . For the whole day , other things kept on blowing shut , or falling down . But I put up with all of that just to make myself a bit of money . It was good to enjoy the day there ; it could have been worse - we could have had rain ( then I would have packed up or had to put down plastic to protect my goods ) . But then , I found out that some people just packed up and left because of the wind , whereas I didn 't . And you know , it was after midday I made the most of my money and profits ; very cool ! Well , by 2pm , the people and crowds left and we were advised that it was okay to pack up if we wanted to . One of my friends had arrived and he offered to help me pack up ; and I didn 't say no to that . Geoff could see how tired I was too . I drove to Mum and Dad 's place and showed them the photos and told them about the day , all the while patting Jay the wonderful doggie . . . yeah , Gabe and Kat had gotten them to care for her for a few days . Before long , I was off home , vegging out in front of the television munching on a snack . I didn 't want to be eating anything too heavy before crawling under the covers of my bed at around 10pm . Sunday was my brother 's 43rd birthday . He had had a costume party the night before . . . a very cool alien costume party ; which was fun for everyone . And so , I missed out due to being exhausted and Mum and Dad went to see Ahn Doh at the Logan Entertainment Centre . They totally enjoyed themselves . . . it was great . Well , I spent the day surfing the net and stuffing around online and pretty much not doing too much . I was just too tired ; plus my right foot wasn 't feeling too hot . I had tripped down a tiny step the day before and turned it . But seeing I didn 't feel anything on Saturday , I didn 't thing anything about it . Then , Sunday morning came around and - woah ! - the pain kicked in ! And Gabe wanted to go out to dinner . So , I asked Dad if it was sprained . He looked at it , and thankfully said no , but it 's been strained pretty badly . So , take it easy , and put a hot face washer on it before bed to keep the bruising and swelling down . I did that and on Monday it was far better than it was on Sunday . But yesterday , I had to just slow down and take it easy , no fast turns or twists on that foot . Today , it 's better than ever . . . I still have a twinge of pain in it , and it 's a little swollen still , but it 's not as painful as it was on Sunday . So , it 's getting better as time goes on . However , my chiropractor will think otherwise . Also today , the past three days of me going out has finally caught up with me . I 've been out to the bank to pay for the rent on my last stall rental . Then , I went to the post office to check the mail , then I came on home . . . yep , that 's all the driving I 'll be doing today . So , how was your weekend ? Until my next post , take care , stay safe and remember , I 'm always here . Today , after breakfast , I packed the car as much as I can with everything , both stock boxes and the stores box and then threw a blanket over the lot and put in the two - wheel trolley and locked it up . I still have my bag to pack as well the esky and then that 's it . I 'll be working on getting enough sleep tonight and taking off by 8am tomorrow - maybe a little before - and getting there by 8 : 30am . I don 't want to be rushing ; which is understandable . For the rest of the weekend , I 'm hoping to get to Mum and Dad 's place to have lunch and enjoy time with my older brother and his family for his birthday , then come home and chill out . On Monday , there 's my Craft Day and I 'll be heading off the Garden City to pick up something from there before heading to my afternoon with the ladies at Springwood . Otherwise , early nights are on the cards for a while . In our lives , we 've all come across products we 've regretted buying , right ? Sure we have ! I admit there 's been products I 've bought and then wondered what the hell I was thinking and either returned it , thrown it out or , did the horrible thing , and kept it until it wasn 't worth anything anymore and donated it to a charity ( the latter I don 't do anymore ) . But really , over the last four years , I 've put up with a lot of bad choices . One of those choices was something I fell in lust with : Apple products . Boy was that a bad crush on something that was so not worth the money my folks spent on my only Christmas Present . Then , when I tried to get my music back onto it , it didn 't work . . . but that wasn 't the shitty part . No . . . that didn 't really make me want to smash it into tiny , little pieces with the back tyre of my car ( which by the by , works better than any Apple product out there mainly because Steve Jobs knew what he was doing when he started Apple . However since he stepped back , the whole company has ended up in the toilet ! Now he 's gone , it 's just gotten worse - good one Apple , fuck up big time now the big boss isn 't here to pick up the pieces permanently ! ) . Anyway , I did try everything to get my music back onto my iPod and failed . Then , I went onto the cloud and found all my apps that I bought from iTunes were gone ! ! ! I e - mailed Apple and they told me that after 2 years , they get deleted from the cloud ! What ? ? ? Are they kidding ? ? ? Well ! That pissed me right off to no end . I nearly threw the iPod across the room to smash it into shards - after all it 's only made of glass and metal - but restrained myself . I went on to iTunes and pulled all the free ones I could remember off there and put them on it . These included the lists and some of the radio station ones . However , the book I wanted to put on to my iPod still wouldn 't go . What a load of horse hockey ! But then , I looked at the time . . . three hours had passed and I had to go out . I unplugged the iPod , closed down the computer ( after screaming at it ) and then packed the car . Halfway through packing the car , my neighbour came across and asked if I was okay . . . I gritted that I hate Apple . . . he nodded saying he understood and went home . So , my mind was made up from that . . . I 'm only going to use my Apple for my shopping list from now on until Christmas . What I 'm going to do after that is put it into a drawer and let the battery go flat . Yes , Apple has been the biggest regret of my life - and my parents ' life . . . simply because of how bad the programming is . I hate it that after only a few years , they stop working and you 're expected to go out and buy another iPod or tablet because they make sure your product stops working . This is crap . People - normal people - aren 't made of money . We want products that work , and work properly , for many years . Android is one of those products . . . and so I 've asked my folks for only one present this year for Christmas : an Android phone that can carry music , apps , books and lists . . . is that so hard to find ? I hope not . Until my next post , take care , stay safe and remember I 'm always here . I have no children . I 'm not married . I never wanted children and I never wanted to get married . But this doesn 't mean I don 't like children ; it just means I wasn 't cut out to be a Mum . When I was in high school , I had other ideas of where my life was going to go , and it wasn 't looking after a family of rugrats and a husband . It was becoming a writer , an artist and traveling the world on my own . If somebody came into my life ? Well , that 'd be great , but I didn 't want children to complicate it . I didn 't want to marry that person . . . I wanted my life to be easy , simple and , well . . . when you 've grown up with a medical condition as complex as mine , you don 't want to complicate it with anything like a marriage , mortgage and a family - especially if you 're only going to make things expensively difficult for that future family of yours ( if I decided to take that road - which I didn 't ) . So , I stayed single - most of the time - and didn 't get into anything too heavy . Yes , I moved in with a boyfriend and a flatmate . . . then almost as soon as I got comfortable , we went our separate ways . And about two years or so later , my boyfriend and I broke up . I rebounded onto another and he turned out to be a Jekyl & Hyde abusive prick who thought loving somebody was taking a woman who was confident , self - assured and happy , meant he could talk down to her , beat her and rape her . Yeah , I got a very rude wake - up call about men like that . After nine very long months , and a miscarriage , I broke up with him . . . I never trusted anyone again . It 's been fifteen years and I still can 't sleep with anyone , allow anyone close enough for a relationship and don 't want any man close enough to me to know exactly who I am deep down . But I 'm an Aunty . My brother has a lovely daughter who is wonderful . When she was young , she looked up to me . She asked me lots of questions about why I wasn 't with anyone , and I fibbed to her saying God told me care for her . . . now she 's older , she knows the truth . She knows my last boyfriend ( if you 'd call him that ) wasn 't nice to me . I tell her the warning signs of abusive boys / guys and advise her to fight back if she 's ever bullied . . . no matter what happens . I know you 'll all say what I 've told her is wrong , but really , when I was younger , at school , I was the shortest kid . I was the pale , tiny , redhead with a rotten temper and I didn 't know my maths , I got bullied all the time . . . so when I hit high school , I kept to myself . I still got bullied . So , I fought back . . . something nobody expected . I 'm in my 40 's now , and people still think they can walk on me . . . no matter how old they are , who they are , where they 're from . . . they think they can push me around . It 's not until I snap back that they realise I 'm not one to fool with . So , I tell my niece to stand up for herself - because if she doesn 't people will take advantage of her gentle spirit . It was a little of both to be truthful - but I didn 't tell anyone - well , on kid , but I knew he wouldn 't tell anyone . I remember saying I was going to get sick again soon ; and so I had to live more and children would get in the way , or I 'd end up not being able to have them ; so why go through the heartache of trying and not being able to ? Or something like that . He kind of understood - kind of . But at my 20 year high school reunion , there were people there who had no clue I had been sick when I was young ( and these were kids I went to primary school with ) , and they were amazed I was still around . Me ? I 'm amazing I 'm still around after all the crap I 've been through . But I love my niece . I buy her things for her art , read her writing , enjoy her jokes and company . . . she 's just like her Dad in every way . And when I 'm looking for a present for her , I make sure it 's a good one . . . something nice , stylish and something she needs and has that off - beat kinda style that is simply her . I get her stuff from art stores her Dad doesn 't have time to buy her ; and her Mum either . So , I 'm the one who buys my niece the cool portable things that she can fold up and take places , pencils that are on sale . I buy her small sketch books for her to take traveling with her . . . yep , I 'm definitely a good Aunty in that way . And then , she 'll tell me cool secrets and ask me questions she feels she can 't ask anyone ; and knows I won 't tell anyone . . . sure I 'll write them down , but in my own private journal . And who 's going to see that ? And I 'd never repeat those questions here . Even though I don 't have children , and never will be a Mum , I think it 's great to be on the Aunty Parade and enjoy watching my niece grow up . She 's not all that big on me not having children , but she gets it . . . you know ? Well , until my next post , take care , stay safe and remember , I 'm always here . Posted by It was a good day . I bought everything I needed and wanted for the fortnight ; and found my grocery bill came in cheaper than normal . This is good . I had bought a few things at the charity stores ; finding some cute teapots with cups that fit underneath them . . . I don 't know what they 're called , but they 're cute as hell ! I found two of them for $ 4 . 00 each and bought them both ! One of them I 'm going to keep and other is going to my Birthday Buddy on Bookcrossing . Well , anyway , I also found a brand new scrapbooker 's book which had never been used . It still had all the corners in the back on the piece of cardboard . . . so I 'll be doing up this book as a display piece to show people what other pieces I have at home and which markets I have been to . Mainly to show what I can do in photographic form , so they can look through it . When I returned home , I had some people walked in through the car gate who really didn 't think I needed to drive through the place . They walked all over the place , right up the middle of the drive , and right out into the path of my car as I turned the corner ( it wasn 't as though they didn 't see me , they just simply didn 't care I was there ) . I looked at them , waited and they stopped . I went to go again , and he walked again . . . man , talk about dumb ! The man ended up letting me go first before giving me a filthy look . . . well , pardon me , but don 't walk out in front of a car if you know I 'm there ; especially if I 've already stopped to let you pass and you didn 't . Well , I 've been trying to use Facebook tonight and it 's just not working . So , I might take off and have an early night . Until my next post , take care , stay safe and remember , I 'm always here . Yesterday was my birthday . I slept in after I received a phone call from my folks and then , decided to walk to the service station to buy a paper . When I stepped out onto the footpath , I saw a motorcade of old , fixed - up cars , trucks and motorcycles coast past ! They were gorgeous ! So , out came my camera and I took some photos of them driving down the road . . . what a sight ! Once I had the paper and was home , I made pancakes , and ate them while reading the paper a bit ; and jumped online for an hour or so . However , that time got away from me and before I knew it , I was running late . . . it was past midday ! So , I jumped in the shower , dressed , put on my make up and packed the car . I was going to Gabe and Kat 's place for lunch ; and to celebrate my birthday with family . It took me around half and hour to get there - and when I arrived , Gabe said he had called my place to see if I had left , and when he had gotten my machine , he knew I was on the road and didn 't called my mobile ( knowing I 'd not pick up while I was driving ) . I said I never touch my mobile when I 'm driving the car , and that it can wait until I get where I 'm going . He agreed . Well ! They were ready for me and I had taken my new esky with me I had bought for myself for my birthday with my cake inside it . It was so cool ! We had spring rolls with rice paper - a make it yourself thing . . . where you soaked the rice paper in hot water and it softened and then you picked out what you wanted to eat from the buffet on the table ; delicious ! We listened to some great music and had some good laughs too . While I was there , I got Gabe to shorten the necklace he gave me for my birthday ; and once he did , he said he forgot how incredibly short I am . . . hehee . . . yeah I am quite short ; only 5ft nothing . Before we knew it , it was time for Riley to pack to go home to her Mum and I had to start making tracks home myself ; to beat the traffic . I had given Riley her birthday gift ; but she didn 't want to open it until her actual birthday , so that 's okay , up to her . She just knows it 's going to be something really cool ( as she told me that I always give her cool stuff for her birthday and Christmas - how cool is that ? ) . Well , I came home and made it here in about half an hour - the traffic was pretty good getting there and coming home . But I was expecting a friend of mine to visit and I had arrived around 4 : 30pm . It got later and later and he still didn 't show . At around 7pm , there was a knock the door and one of my neighbours I barely speak to said that he had texted him to ask me to call or text him on his number . I thanked him and did . . . and what do you know ? My friend had been at my place at about 4 : 30pm and I wasn 't home - at the time when I was just pulling into the driveway . He said we must have just missed each other . . . don 't you hate that ? I do . Oh well . Next time . Until my next post , take care , stay safe and remember , I 'm always here . Today , I was up nice and early and put on the laundry at around 8am . It said on the radio it was going to be a hot , hot day here in Brisbane . So , out on the line went the sheets , two loads of my usual laundry and my hand - washing . . . and about time too ! But it 's going to be dried by this arvo as we 're supposed to get a storm ; well , let 's hope anyway . I 'm looking outside and the sky is a gorgeous blue colour and there 's not a cloud to be seen ! How lovely is that ? And yet it 's stinking hot out there and I 'm nice and cool here inside my home office ; and I have no intention of going outside for a while yet . . . not until it cools off a bit . Yesterday afternoon , I did a little gardening of mowing the lawn , clipping the hedges in my yard ( and out in the courtyard out the front of my place too ) and then trimming a little off my Large Leaf Jade . When I was finished , I potted up a couple of the trimmings to give as Christmas presents this year , as these plants are expensive to buy from nurseries . So , there 's three in my yard in tiny pots all watered in and waiting for December . Today , not long ago actually , I heard the rubbish truck come and he stayed for a while . Wondering why , I took off down stairs and found there were a lot of smashed beer bottles on the ground that had tipped out of one of the bins when he picked it up . . . damn ! So , he asked for a scoop , and I raced off and found one . The rubbish collection guy was great . He swept up as much of the glass as he could from under and on the truck before collecting the rest of the bins . Then , as he turned around , he spotted more glass he had missed , so he climbed out and swept that up too . However , the unfortunate thing is that there 's tiny shards of glass on the concrete where the kids around here will need to wear shoes . So , seeing I was wearing shoes , I collected as many bins as I could before returning inside . Sheryl - who is at unit 42 , was about to walk out without shoes on , and I said to stay where she was because of the glass . She said she 'll make the girls wear shoes and I said I had told her eldest daughter to go and put shoes on already , and she smiled , saying that it was good I looked out for her . Well , once out of the intense heat of the day , I was relieved to come back inside my place . Wow ! Does the insulation make a difference or what ? I can 't believe I lived for so many years without it and put up with sweltering conditions and boiling hot nights here . Even on the afternoon of my birthday party - and Mum and Dad 's 45th Wedding Anniversary - Gabe and Kat were amazed at how nice and cool my house was . Mum said that it used to be horribly hot and I 'd struggle during Summer ; upstairs used to get up to around 45 degrees Celsius every day and it was impossible to sleep at night - so I 'd sleep during the day to catch up . So , when they bought the unit / townhouse , they immediately put in insulation and within about 72 hours , I was sleeping upstairs in my own bed again ; instead of on the lounge in the middle of the day . Gabe was amazed . . . Kat couldn 't believe ; and said she wouldn 't live in a place like that . I said I couldn 't afford to move from here . . . but now it 's years later and I have been able to make this place better because my folks bought it ; and I can pretty much do what I want with it . Hello and welcome to ' My Book - Crazy Life . . . ' . This is a kind of journal of sorts ; however , there 's nothing personal and weird about it . I keep my really personal stuff for the one offline ; so don 't worry . This one is for things that I 'd like to chat about and discuss . It 's about anything and everything around us : what 's in the news ( nothing too political don 't worry ) , life and loves , books ( of course ! ) , the environment and anything that really strikes a nerve with me and I 'd like to talk about it . So , if you 're into reading something that could make you think , laugh , a debate , a bit of a time - waster or just to leave a comment on what you think of what I 've written - whether you agree with me or not - well , this may be the blog for you ! My Scribblings |
Author 's Notes : Wow , I can 't believe this is actually happening . I 'd like to thank the awesome SMK5 team for putting up with my endless questions . I would like to thank Cat and Sybil for their awesome betaing that helped me get the story I wanted . I would also like to thank Sally and Kris for going over the first part of this for me . Sorry things didn 't work out for the second part . I dedicate this episode to all the wonderful SMK fans out there . This is for you ! In a house across from 4247 Maplewood Drive , a man looked out of a window through a pair of binoculars . The phone rang , and he quickly went to it to answer . " How do you expect me to find dirt on Lee Stetson if you keep calling every ten minutes ? " he growled into the receiver . " Personally involved . Right now , it looks like he 's spending New Year 's Day with her family . Most of the time , when I follow Stetson , I 'm following her , too . I believe that they 're emotionally involved . " " I 'm getting tired of you underestimating my abilities . I 've been observing people for over fifteen years now . Dig around . Find something we can use . " New Year 's Day at the King House Lee had arrived at the house bright and early , surprised to hear Phillip already on the phone with his girlfriend . Even though he wasn 't a breakfast person , Lee managed to eat a few pancakes with fresh maple syrup . While he was eating , Jamie explained the ritual of New Years Day . " Phillip usually turns the TV onto some college bowl football game , while Mom , Grandma , and I play Scrabble . You can do whichever you want . After the football 's over , Mom orders us a couple of pizzas , and then we play several games of Monopoly and Pictionary . " As Lee helped clean up after breakfast , he thought about how he would have reacted if someone had told him four years ago that he would be spending New Years Day with Amanda 's family , watching TV and playing board games . ' Let 's face it , Stetson , you would have laughed at them . ' He was glad that Lee Stetson was gone , and treasured whatever time he could spend with his family . Later on , Lee and Phillip sat on the sofa watching the Rose Bowl the others played their fourth round of Scrabble . While Jamie and Amanda were still intent on the game , Dotty 's eyes had begun to stray to the football game . Lee glanced at her , and noticed that she wasn 't interested in the actual game , but in the players . " I 'll get it , " Jamie said , racing to the door to open it . " Mr . Morales , what are you doing here ? " He was astounded to see one of his teachers doing at his house , on New Year 's Day . " Can I come in ? " the Arlington Heights Middle School teacher asked . Jamie nodded , and allowed him entrance . In his hand , he held a manila envelope . By this time , Dotty and Phillip 's attention had shifted from the football game , toward their visitor . It was unusual for one of Jamie 's teachers to visit . " Good afternoon , folks . Sorry to interrupt , but yesterday I received a letter from the ' Young Writers of Virginia ' essay contest . I didn 't know what plans you had for New Years Eve , so I decide to wait until today to give Jamie the news . I tried to call , but the line was busy . " " I think so . " Phillip answered . Seeing his mother 's look , he went to check . As he reseated the handset that had been set down backwards , he mumbled an apology . " No harm done , " Mr . Morales said . He pulled out a letter from the envelope and handed it to Jamie . " Why don 't you read this ? " Lee didn 't quite know what to say to his stepson . He got up from the couch , and walked over to where Amanda and Jamie stood . " Congratulations . " It seemed inadequate , but as he saw the look in Jamie 's eyes , he realized that maybe it wasn 't . Mr . Morales removed a piece of paper from the envelope and handed it to Amanda . " Mrs . King , here is the other information you 'll need . I 'll leave you to celebrate . " Amanda smiled . " I 'm really glad he 'll be able to make it , Sweetheart . " She looked at the clock . " Oh , my gosh , I forgot about dinner ! " " I don 't know , Mother , " Amanda responded . " I don 't remember hearing him ever mention Angela 's name before . Phillip ? " " They 're friends . I don 't know why he didn 't mention it . " Could his brother have a girlfriend ? Who 'd have thought ? Phillip mused . " I 'm going to my room to change before we leave for the pizza place . " " Why wouldn 't he want us to know that he 's friends with Angela Davis ? " Dotty wanted to know . New Year 's Day at the Agency was hectic . Doctor Smyth was out of town , and Billy Melrose was filling in for him , while Francine Desmond was filling in for Billy . Francine was at the end of her rope : she really needed Lee and Amanda to come in , but there was no answer at Lee 's apartment , and the phone at Amanda 's house had been busy all day . Francine sighed . ' Operation Beat It ' was in jeopardy before it even began . The operation was designed to shut down the newest in American - based terrorist groups . Earlier in the day , an Agency source had informed Francine that the terrorist group found out about the top secret operation and that they wanted all the details about it . Francine was On the other end of the line , Billy was grateful that Lee and Amanda hadn 't informed him of their plans . " Francine , I have no idea what Lee and Amanda are doing today . They 're on the last day of their vacation . You 're going to have to wait until tomorrow . " " Why don 't you see if Beeman and Fred Fielder are available ? " " Billy , I don 't want Fred Fielder and Beeman ! I need Lee and Amanda . " Francine made a face . " Okay , I 'll wait until tomorrow . " She slammed down the phone in frustration , then muttered to herself , " But I won 't like it . " Jamie took a deep breath and began . " Angela and her dad moved here from Portland , Maine at the beginning of the school year . We met on the first day of school . Our lockers are right next to each other and we 're in a lot of the same classes . We , um , we hit it off . Suddenly looking anywhere , but at his mother , he said , " I trust her . " He was embarrassed . " I guess I was afraid she 'd be uncomfortable around a family like ours . " " Women , " Jamie answered and Phillip snickered . " Angela 's parents divorced when she was real little . She hardly ever sees her mother , and she 's not really that comfortable with the whole mother thing . " Jamie looked to the front of the restaurant and let out a sigh of relief . " Here they are . " Having spotted Jamie , Angela Davis and her father walked toward the booth . Amanda took a close look and noticed that Angela was tall for a twelve - year - old . She had dark brown hair and bright blue eyes . Her father appeared to be in his mid thirties , with the same hair and eye color as his daughter . " Hey , everyone , " Jamie stood up , " This is Angela Davis and her father . Mr . Davis , Angela , this is my mom , my grandmother , Mrs . West , my brother , Phillip , and my mom 's boyfriend Mr . Stetson . " The adults shook hands and exchanged pleasantries . They quickly progressed to a first name basis . " Guess I 'll have to , huh ? I 'm not really comfortable talking in front of a lot of people . You 're a lot better at it . Maybe you should have gotten first place ? " " Oh , Jamie , you 'll do fine . " She looked around and noticed her dad in conversation with Jamie 's mother . Lowering her voice , she continued " I 'll be on stage with you , so if you get nervous , just look at me . " " Okay , thanks . " Jamie looked up . " Hey , this pizza parlor has the neatest arcade . " He turned to his mother . " Mom , is it alright if we go into the arcade for a while ? " " That 's okay , " Robert Davis smiled . " And by the way , please , do call me Rob . " He paused before beginning his explanation . " Well , Angie was having problems in school . The other kids wouldn 't talk to her very much . Maybe it was because she was the smartest girl in her class and they were jealous ? I don 't know . We also had a situation where her mother would make plans to spend time with her , but always canceled . Angie was disappointed every time . Then I was offered a job here . My father lives here in Arlington , and he offered to have us move in with him . The more I learned both about the job and the schools , it seemed like a good fit . " Robert glanced over toward the arcade area and smiled . " I 'm glad we did . Angie has new friends , sees her grandfather every day , and her mother talks to her on the phone more than she did while we lived in the same city . " " Rob , why don 't we check on the kids , and you can tell me more about your father . Amanda , you and Lee order the pizzas while we 're gone . " Dotty took charge as she escorted Robert to the arcade . As the waitress came over to take their order , Mathers entered and sat in a nearby booth . Thanks to his high tech miniature cufflink camera , he was able to take several surveillance photos of Lee and Amanda , which he planned on adding to the collection he was accumulating for his employers . * * SMK * * SMK * * SMK * * As Lee and Amanda sat in Billy 's office , Amanda was trying to figure out a way to ask her Section Chief for some time off . She decided that being straightforward was her best bet . " Sir , Lee and I need Tuesday off . Jamie won an essay contest , and we would like to attend the awards ceremony . " " I read about it in the Washington Post . Congratulations . I can 't promise anything , but this is what I can do : Francine finally decided it would be a good idea for someone to investigate while she waited , so Beeman and Fielder have been running this since yesterday . You two will be assigned to help them out . Then , if you do come up with some leads by Tuesday morning , I can override Francine 's authority and have Beeman and Fielder follow them up . Then you two can have the rest of the day . " " Now , I 've got to get back upstairs . I 'll let Francine brief you on what has been going on . " Billy opened the door to leave as Francine entered . " I 'm sorry , Francine , " Amanda told her . " Phillip didn 't hang up the phone properly after talking to his girlfriend . We didn 't notice it until late afternoon . " " The only people who knew about it were Billy , Dr . Smyth , and us . I had this office , and all of the rooms we discussed it in , swept for bugs . None were found . " " Um , Francine , " Amanda began . " You might want to talk to Mr . Melrose about our schedule for Tuesday . " She raised an eyebrow in question . " I don 't like the idea , but fine , " Francine said . That would still give her three days of their time . " Get to work . " Later that day , in an apartment across the hall from Lee 's , Natalia Jones sat reading the Washington Post . She was waiting for her partner and lover , Peter Curless . She had decided to take Mathers ' advice and have Peter do some digging on Stetson and King . The door opened , and Peter walked in with a grin on his face . " Hello , my love , " Peter said as he kissed Natalia . " We 've hit pay dirt . " " It took a lot of digging , but I found something , and it 's good . You wouldn 't believe how deeply buried it was , but I found it … Lee Stetson married Amanda King on February 13 , 1987 ! " Natalia smiled . " And no one knows but them . . . and now , us . Perfect . " " Go to the front of the Metro section . Look at the article with the headline ' Arlington Students Win Essay Contest . ' You should find it very interesting . " Natalia quickly found the article and started reading . " James King , Angela Davis , and Ramona Jones are the first , second , and third place winners of the eighth annual ' Young Writers of Virginia ' essay contest . James King , the son of Amanda and Joe King , will read the winning essay at an open awards ceremony scheduled to take place on Tuesday at 6 : 30 P . M . , in the auditorium of the Arlington Heights Middle School . " " James King is Amanda King 's son . You know , Stetson 's partner . " Natalia snatched the picture from Mathers . She carefully looked at the newspaper and the picture . James King was indeed Amanda King 's son . " Good job , Mathers . I think we may finally have something we can use . Why don 't you take the rest of the afternoon off ? Peter and I have some plans to make . " As his footsteps faded down the hallway , Natalia turned to Peter . " Okay . We know that ' Operation Beat It ' will start next week . We also know that Lee Stetson and his partner are married , and that his partner 's son won an essay contest . Now , the awards ceremony is on Tuesday , and here 's what we 're going to do … we 're going to go to the ceremony as the aunt of the third place winner and her boyfriend . After we hear the kid 's essay , we 'll contact Stetson and his wife and threaten to reveal their marriage if they don 't get us the information we want on ' Operation Beat It . ' When they hand over the information , we 'll run off to some tropical island where the Feds can 't touch us . How does that sound ? " " We 'd better start preparing , if we want to be able to accomplish my plan . " Natalia sighed . " But first , I guess we have some other business to attend to . " The next few days went by in a blur , and the Agency was no closer to figuring out how ' Operation Beat It ' had been compromised . Lee and Amanda left the work early enough to make it to Jamie 's award ceremony , leaving the investigation in the more or less capable hands of Beeman and Fielder . The middle school auditorium was crowded and noisy as students , teachers , family members , and people from the community tried to find seats . Guests of the three winners filled the first two rows of the auditorium . Carrie , Joe , Phillip , Dotty , Lee , and Amanda sat in the first row as did Angela 's father and grandfather . The family of Ramona Jones , sat in the second row . Aunt Natalia and Peter sat directly behind Lee and Amanda , making sure they didn 't get noticed . The remaining 184 seats filled quickly . As the lights were dimmed , the crowd began to settle down . Donna Moore , a middle - aged woman in her early fifties , went to the podium and began to speak . " Good evening . My name is Donna Moore , and I am President of the ' Young Writers of Virginia . ' Each year the ' Young Writers of Virginia ' sponsor an essay contest for seventh grade students . As President , I personally selected the topic that the students wrote about . This year 's topic was honesty . I would also like to note that never in the history of our organization , have we had more than one winner of our contest come from the same school . Tonight we will hear the first place essay , and present awards of recognition to all three of our winners . After the reading of the essay and the awards presentation , a reception will be held in the school cafeteria . I now turn you over to Mr . Michael Morales . " As Donna Moore returned to her seat , Mr . Morales took her place at the podium . " Good evening . As some of you may know , I 'm the Advanced Language Arts teacher for grade seven . . . . " Jamie felt the sweat start to build in between his shoulders . He knew , once Mr . Morales finished his speech , that it was his turn next . He turned to Angela and grimaced ; she smiled at him . ' I can do this , ' he said to himself . ' I can do this . ' He turned his focus back to his teacher , who was finishing up . The audience applauded loudly as Jamie stood up and slowly approached the podium . After taking several deep breaths , he nervously started by saying , " Good evening . The title of my essay is ' To Tell the Truth . ' " Pausing , he took another deep breath , and looked around the auditorium . ' Oh , geez , ' he thought , ' all the seats are filled . ' He looked at Angela , who smiled at him a second time . After wiping away the sweat that was forming on his forehead , Jamie turned back to face the crowd and read his essay . In the audience , Amanda watched as her youngest son worked his way through his nervousness . ' I 'm so proud of him , ' she thought to herself , ' standing up there in front of everyone . ' She gave the hand on her lap a squeeze , smiled at Lee , and began to listen to her son . As Jamie spoke , Dotty glanced over to her daughter and Lee . ' This should be interesting , ' she mused . ' I wonder how they 'll react to an essay on honesty coming from Jamie . Maybe , ' she thought with some hope , ' this is what they need to be honest with all of us about their marriage . ' Lee nodded . Truth , trust , and honor . Jamie wasn 't just reading the words ; he believed them . Lee swallowed , trying to remove the lump in his throat . " You thinking what I 'm thinking ? " he asked his wife . Thirty minutes later it was over . Jamie had received a hearty dose of applause , the awards had been presented to all three of the students , and the crowd had made their way to the cafeteria for punch and cookies . " Jamie , we 're so proud of you , " Amanda said as she gave her son a hug . " You did okay , " Phillip added as he tried not to sound too impressed . " Hey , thanks , bro . " Jamie turned to his mother , uncomfortable with the praise . As Jamie walked off , Dotty took the envelope and plaque from Amanda and examined both items . " I think the savings bond was a good idea , " she said as she removed it . " Forces them to keep it for college . " There was general agreement , with the exception of Phillip who made a face . " Can we get some punch and cookies now ? I 'm really hungry , " he said . Amanda nodded , and Phillip left , followed by Joe and Carrie . Dotty looked across the room to where her younger grandson was standing . " I think I 'm going to go join Jamie and Angela , " she smiled . " That grandfather of hers is quite a good looking fellow . " " Listen , " Amanda continued . " We 're gonna want to discuss this with Joe as well . Why don 't you tell Angela 's grandfather that we 'd be delighted to join them , and that we 'll meet you out in the parking lot in a few minutes ? " Unbeknownst to the trio , Natalia and Peter overheard the whole thing . " Don 't worry about it . The only ones who are going to find out anything tonight are the mother and whoever that Joe person is . We still have enough to make a decent blackmail threat . We 'll go home and practice what we 're going to say to them tomorrow . Come on , Mathers is waiting for us . He agreed to play Stetson and his partner for our little Again , Dotty jumped in . " I think it would be for the best if you told them the complete truth about your marriage and your jobs . I know how I felt when I found out , and after hearing Jamie 's essay , I don 't think you should lie to them anymore . " " They 're not little boys anymore ! Wouldn 't you rather they found out about the marriage from Amanda and Lee instead of someone else ? " Dotty argued . " Wait a minute ! Please ! " Amanda was getting frustrated . " Lee and I have already decided to tell Phillip and Jamie that we 're married . We wanted your input on the Agency stuff . " " Look , Joe , how can you say that you don 't want Phillip and Jamie to know about the jobs ? " Dotty said in a stern voice . " Amanda and Lee should tell them the entire truth at once . It would be for the best . Phillip and Jamie need to be aware of what could happen . " Joe shook his head at his former mother - in - law . " Dotty , they 're going to think the jobs are glamorous . They 're not old enough to understand that Lee and Amanda 's jobs are very dangerous and not something to be glorified . " " Stop it , " Amanda said forcibly . " Lee and I needed to discuss this with you calmly and rationally , but at the rate you two are going , Phillip and Jamie will hear everything ! I think we need to talk to someone a little less involved in this . " She looked over to Lee , and he nodded his agreement . " Joe , you and Carrie can go now . Mother , if the boys wake up and are looking for me , tell them I went out and they need to get back to sleep . They have school in the morning . " Lee and Amanda walked out of the dining room and the house . " Mr . Melrose ? It 's Dotty West , Amanda 's mother . Lee and Amanda just left the house , and I think they 're headed over to your place . They want to tell the boys about their marriage and didn 't exactly get much help from us tonight . " Dotty sighed , hoping her daughter would forgive her for making this call , but she felt guilty about how she had let her discussion with Joe get out of hand , and had to do something to try and help . " I think they 're going to want to talk to you about it . " Lee sat in the driver 's seat , deep in thought . " Billy , " he finally answered . " I bet he could tell us when he and Jeannie told their daughters about his job . " " I don 't want to barge in and wake Mr . Melrose up . " Amanda shook her head . " Listen , Amanda , we 'll call him first . Okay ? If he doesn 't answer the phone in ten rings , we won 't bother him until the morning . " " Hey , Billy ? Amanda and I really need to talk to you , if you have some time tonight . It 's about Phillip and Jamie and this whole mystery marriage . " Lee smiled at his wife , while Billy spoke . " Thanks a lot . We 'll see you in a little while . " The drive to Billy 's house was very quiet as Lee and Amanda were each lost in their own thoughts . Neither was completely aware that their drive had ended until Billy , who had been watching through a window , opened the front door . Once inside , Billy directed Lee and Amanda to the living room , and handed them each a cup of coffee . Smiling , he asked " Now , what is it you want to talk to me about ? " " Billy , we have a problem we think you can help us solve . We 're going to tell the boys about our marriage , and we thought about telling them about our jobs , too , but we aren 't sure they 're old enough to handle it . What do you think ? How old were your daughters when they found out about your job ? " Lee set down his cup on a nearby table and began to pace . Billy smiled , happy that Lee and Amanda were finally coming to their senses over the whole marriage situation . " Well , let 's see … . my oldest , Belinda Jeanette , found out by accident . She overheard a phone conversation of mine . She was sixteen at the time . " He shook his head at that memory . " Tina was eighteen when Jeannie and I told her . " " BJ wasn 't thrilled about how she found out , but was very understanding . Tina , on the other hand , was more upset that BJ found out about the job before she did . Jeannie and I had decided that we 'd tell them after they graduated from high school . That 's what we thought would be best , but not all children are the same . You two need to figure out what would be best for Phillip and Jamie . If you think they can handle the information now , at the same time you tell them about the marriage , then do it . If not … wait . Ultimately , it is your decision , I can only tell you how it It was later then they had planned , and the boys were long gone by the time Lee and Amanda returned to her house the next morning . They were greeted by Dotty , and she gave them a quick rundown of the morning 's activities . When she finished , she gave her daughter a questioning look . " So , how much are you going to tell Phillip and Jamie ? " " I 'll go watch my soap operas now . Let me know when you 're ready to leave , " Dotty said as she went into the family room . A couple of seconds later the phone rang . " Really , Mrs . Stetson ? Still going by the ex 's name ? " Natalia said . " Get your pretty boy husband on the phone , my partner and I want to talk to both of you . " " Do the words ' Operation Beat It ' mean anything to you ? They do to us . We know that it was designed to put an end to our wonderful organization , " Natalia said . " Natalia and I have been working at Francine 's hair salon since 1984 , " Peter said with a laugh . " We 're her favorite shampoo boy and hair stylist . Every time I washed her hair , I used a special shampoo and conditioner that contained a truth serum that quickly seeped into the brain . By the time she was ready for her hair to be styled , she was also " What do you take us for , a couple of idiots ? Did you honestly think we would blackmail you without any proof ? " Peter asked . " Right now , in front of me , is a copy of your marriage license . You thought no one could find it , didn 't you ? But we did find it . " Natalia interrupted Peter 's gloating . " Now , this is what you are going to do . You are going to get us the remaining details on ' Operation Beat It . ' At three thirty , you will meet us in front of the Jefferson Memorial . It should be crowded enough that you won 't be able to try anything heroic . You will give us the information , and then we 'll disappear . If you don 't do as we say , your marriage will be leaked to the media , and by the time the ten o ' clock news is on , everyone will know . Do you understand what I 'm saying ? " Lee turned to Amanda . " We 'd better get to the Agency . Maybe Billy and Francine can help us ? " Amanda sighed . " So much for grabbing a quick shower this morning . Give me five minutes to change my clothes , okay ? " Six minutes later , Amanda came down the stairs . Lee was waiting with her coat . " How are we going to tell Francine that she 's been drugged again ? " Amanda worried as Lee helped her with the coat . Not getting an answer from him beyond a slight grimace , she spoke loudly into the living room . " Mother , we 're leaving now Mathers sat at the window of the house across the street , watching for any action . Keeping an eye on Amanda 's Cape Cod , and witnessed Lee and Amanda rushing out the door . He had been instructed to contact his employers as soon as he saw Stetson and his partner leave . " Yes , Mr . Melrose , but we 've already used one of the passwords . Mrs . King had trouble trying to remember ' rosebud ' when she first started out . " Mrs . Marston replied . " Okay , I 'll have to send you an amended list . . . " Before Billy could finish , a frantic Lee and Amanda rushed in . Not noticing Mrs . Marston , Amanda began to speak . " Sir , the terrorist group called us at my house . They told us how they found out about ' Operation Beat It , ' and that they wanted us to give them the remaining details , or they 'll leak information on our marriage to the media . " " We don 't have many options . I don 't want you worrying about protecting a secret when we need to concentrate on keeping a lid on ' Operation Beat it . ' Now , Francine 's running late : a little stomach bug she said . So we 'll start in the Bullpen , then tell her when she shows . " Billy turned to Amanda . " The boys are in school right now , anyway , " he told her . " Even if our plan doesn 't work , you 'll still have a chance to talk to them . They don 't watch the eleven o ' clock news , do they ? " " No , they 're usually in bed by then , " Amanda confirmed as they stepped into the elevator . " My point , exactly . Besides , if we run late , your mother can run interference on the home front . " Billy smiled at the thought of Mrs . West trying to distract Amanda 's sons . " Billy , I 'm not thrilled with this , but I don 't see any other options . What about you , Amanda ? " Lee asked her . Lee looked at everyone , took a deep breath , and smiled at Amanda . " We 'll try to get this over with as quickly as possible , " he said as he took Amanda 's hand in his . " Amanda and I want to take this opportunity to announce our marriage . We tied the knot , so to speak , last February , the 13th , to be exact . " The Bullpen began to buzz , and a few of the clerical staff looked faint . No one moved , but finally , Leatherneck approached the couple . " To be honest with you , I 've known about your marriage for a while now . I found " Wait until Dr . Smyth hears about this . He 's gonna be ticked ! " Beeman smirked as he approached the couple . Lee 's eyes widened at that remark , and he cleared his throat . " Before everyone gets back to work , I have one more thing to announce . If anyone else , besides Amanda or myself , tells Dr . Smyth about our marriage , you will live to regret it . Does everyone understand ? " " Billy , we 'll be waiting for Francine up in our office . We 'll brief her on what has happened . Beeman , you and Fielder can explain to everyone in the conference room how ' Operation Beat It ' was compromised . " Lee said . " Good morning , Francine . How are you feeling ? " Lee asked in concern as Francine entered the Q - Bureau . " I 've felt better , " Francine admitted . " Have there been any new developments on ' Operation Beat It ' since last night ? " " Francine , you look a little pale , " Amanda answered . " Why don 't you sit down , and then we 'll tell you what we 've learned ? " Amanda 's concern was evident as she led Francine to the couch . Amanda sighed and took a deep breath . " Francine , I don 't know how to break this to you , but you were the information source . Two members of the terrorist group work in your hair salon . Every time you 've gone in to get your hair done , they used a special shampoo and conditioner that contained a truth serum , and when you were getting your hair styled , you were pumped for information . " Amanda sadly told her . " I don 't believe this ! " Francine exclaimed in frustration . " Who was it ? Peter ? That little shampoo twerp ? " Amanda nodded . " Apparently your stylist was in on it as well . " " Amanda , why does this always happen to me ? This makes the third time I 've been drugged for information . Do I have a sign on my back that says ' I work for the Federal Government , Drug Me for Information ? ' " " You have no idea how I 'm feeling right now ! Being drugged the first time by Mrs . Welch was bad enough . Being drugged by Jonathan was even worse , but being drugged by the people who I 've trusted with my hair for four years is the worst ! If you can 't trust your hair stylist , who can you trust ! ? " " Francine , I hate drop to another bombshell on you , but . . . " Amanda sighed . " You 're what ? Married ? " Francine shouted , her jaw dropping to her chest in shock . When she recovered enough to speak again , she said , " You 're joking , right ? " Then , as the truth of what she had just been told hit , her shock turned into mortification . " I 'm losing my touch . I can usually smell something like this a mile away . My two closest friends got married and I couldn 't figure it out . " " Francine , don 't be so hard on yourself , " Lee told her reassuringly . " Not figuring out about our marriage doesn 't mean you 're losing your touch . You weren 't alone . " " Francine , we never meant for you to find out about our marriage like this . We wanted to tell you . . . tell all our friends . But we wanted to tell Phillip and Jamie first . " Amanda was the one frustrated now . " Things got a little out of our control . We 've already told everyone in the Bullpen . " Amanda grabbed at her necklace . " We only told them Francine 's humiliation slowly turned into anger . " Let me get this straight . You are only telling me about your marriage now because you have to , not because you want to ? " Francine looked down at her hands and raised her eyebrows , her lips pursed in anger . " This is how you and Lee treat a friend ? " she asked , never raising her eyes from her lap . Her voice had taken on an edge that would unsettle the most hardened criminal . " I thought out friendship had changed for the better . I guess I was wrong . " She looked up then , first regarding Lee , then Amanda , her voice barely above a whisper . " I guess I was wrong . " A tense Lee stood and moved toward the door . " Francine , we don 't have much time for this right now . We have to concentrate on getting the terrorist group behind bars . As soon as they are in custody , you can yell at us all you want , " Lee told her in an attempt to calm down his fellow agent . " But for now , we 'd better get to Conference Room A . Billy 's waiting for us . We have until one o ' clock to come up with a plan if we want to infiltrate the area around the Jefferson Memorial before three . " " Kelsey , you and Williamson cover this four block radius from the Memorial , " she said as she pointed to her map . The stomach bug but a faint memory and her professionalism back intact , Francine had taken charge . " Wilkins , you , Beeman , Fielder , and Miller cover the perimeter . Billy and I will be in the van . I want you to act like typical tourists . Remember : Lee and Amanda will be carrying falsified information . As soon as the information is in the terrorist group 's hands , Wilkins ' team will apprehend them . Does everybody understand their assignments ? " Francine questioned . " Where is she ? Mathers wanted to know . We 're supposed to be meeting Stetson in fifteen minutes ! " He paced around the office , trapped inside , but only blocks away from the Memorial . " Calm down , Mathers . Natalia went to get you some of that gourmet coffee you 're so fond of . You 've done such a great job that she wants to do something nice . We know we haven 't been the most patient people to work for , " Peter explained . At that moment , the door to the office opened . " Good afternoon , Mathers . I hope you enjoy the coffee . It 's a very expensive Colombian blend , " Natalia said with a smirk . " Thanks . " Mathers told her as he took a sip . Satisfied that it was just as he liked it , he finished it quickly . " That was very good . " " That 's nice , because it was the last cup of coffee you 'll ever have , " Natalia informed him . " Perhaps you should have made it last longer . It contained a fast acting poison . Your death should be quick and painless . " " I 'll see you in hell , " Mathers told her as he gasped his last breaths . " Just a few more seconds . " Natalia went to where Mathers ' body was sprawled on the floor , and felt for a pulse . " He 's dead . I 'll go check the alley and make sure no one is around . " " Francine , they 're on their way , " Kelsey said into her walkie - talkie . " They disposed of a body in one of the dumpsters here . You 'd better send someone to pick it up . " " Will do , Kelsey . Stay there to help . Wilkins , be prepared to strike , " Francine told them . Lee shook his head . " Amanda , I 'm not taking any chances . We don 't have any idea how this is going to take to go down . I want Phillip and Jamie to hear about our marriage from us , not during our eulogy . " " Isn 't that cute , Peter ? " Natalia 's voice cut in , startling Lee and Amanda . " Her son 's essay really affected them . Personally , I rather enjoyed it . Truth , trust , and honor . He really does have a way with words ; no wonder he beat my niece in the contest . " " You were at the awards ceremony ? " Amanda asked as the other woman appeared . Peter emerged from behind Natalia and nodded . " We really enjoyed ourselves . Of course , now we must get down to business . Just give us the information and let us go . You 'll never hear from us again . " " Here you go . " Lee handed Peter and Natalia a folder . " Thank you . It was nice doing business with you , " Natalia told them as she and Peter turned to leave . Instantly , they were surrounded by agents , to their surprise . " Let me do the honors , " Francine said as she cuffed Natalia and Peter . " Wilkins , get them out of my sight ! " She turned to Lee and glared at him . " I 'll expect you and Amanda in debriefing within an hour . After that , well , I 'm not speaking to either of you for a while . You 've really hurt my feelings . " At that , Francine turned on her heel and stormed back to the van . Billy looked at Lee and Amanda . " Just give her some time . She 'll get over it , " he smiled and shook his head . " I 'll see you back at the Agency . " Once the van had departed and the agents had all left , Lee motioned for Amanda to sit next to him on the steps . " We need to talk , " he told her . " Mother , I 'm glad you decided to come out here , " Amanda said as Dotty walked into the yard . " Lee and I have decided to tell the boys about our marriage , but we decided that it would be for the best to only give them one bombshell at a time . The information on our jobs is going to have to wait until they 're a little older . " Amanda sighed . " We 'll probably give them a modified version of the truth . We only plan to tell them about our marriage tonight . The truth about our jobs is just going to have to wait , " Amanda repeated , to insure that her mother understood . " Okay . I 'm not exactly thrilled by the turn of events , but it 's not my decision to make , " Dotty conceded . " You both have my full support . " " Well , dinner 's almost ready . You know , I thought it would be a good idea to eat dinner early . I was afraid that the boys might be too upset to eat if they heard about the marriage first . " As soon as the trio of adults had gone inside , Angela climbed down from the tree house . She had wanted to have a few moments to herself before she went home . She didn 't mean to overhear the adults ' conversation , but there was no way she could leave while they were out there without being discovered . But now she knew she 'd better get home ; Jamie would probably need to talk to her after he talked to his mom and Mr . Stetson . Still , something about what Jamie 's mother had said confused her . The truth about our jobs is just going to have to wait . ' What did she mean by that ? ' Angela wondered as she left the yard . ' Jamie told me that they were film makers . ' After everyone had finished dinner , Phillip and Jamie cleared the table and washed the dishes while the adults went into the living room . " Amanda , are you sure that you and Lee want to do this by yourselves ? I could help you , " a concerned Dotty said to her daughter . " Mother , thank you for your offer , but this is something Lee and I need to do on our own . We can handle it . " Amanda reassured her mother . Amanda watched as her husband continued to express his nervous behaviors . " I really don 't know how they 're going to react . If they do get upset , it won 't be because we got married , but because we kept the marriage a secret . Just keep that in mind . " " Now , I want you both to listen carefully to what we have to say before you make any comments , okay ? " Both boys nodded in response . " Sometimes adults do things that they think are for the best . And while they don 't mean to , they sometimes aren 't honest with the ones they love the most . " Amanda shifted uneasily in her chair . " I don 't know any other way to tell you both this , so here goes : Lee and I have been married since last February . " She looked at the statements on their faces . " I know this must be a shock for you , " Amanda continued . " We didn 't tell you for a whole bunch of reasons ; however , after hearing Jamie 's essay , we realized that they weren 't very good ones . " The room was silent as Phillip and Jamie sat and tried to absorb what their mother had just told them . Lee and Amanda exchanged glances , both unsure if they should say anything more . Dotty , listening from the top of the staircase , turned and went back to her room . Finally , Phillip spoke up , disappointment evident in his voice . " You didn 't trust us enough to tell us you got married ? " " Lee , " Phillip turned to the older man . " I thought you and I were friends . I guess I was wrong . Friends don 't hide things from each other . " Lee took a deep breath and decided to try to explain . " You two hardly knew me . I couldn 't just stroll in , announce I 'm your step - father , and expect you to accept me with open arms . Before marrying your mom , I never had much of a family of my own . I needed time to adjust to you , and you needed time to adjust to me . It wasn 't something we could just blurt out . " Lee looked at the boys timidly , afraid of how they might respond . " If that 's all it was , you could 've told us during Thanksgiving or Christmas or some time before now . " Jamie 's agitated words were not what Lee had wanted to hear . Finally , Lee decided to try again . " The documentary film business is a very competitive one . There are desperate people in our business that would do just about anything to get rid of the competition . Production crew members have even had their families threatened . Your mother and I didn 't want either of you to be used as pawns . We thought it 'd be for the best if no one knew we were married . Looking back , I realize that our logic wasn 't very good . Maybe we should 've waited to get married until you got to know me better , but I just couldn 't wait to marry your " Just let me know one more thing , okay ? " Phillip asked . " If Jamie didn 't do an essay on honesty , would you still be telling us this ? " Phillip nodded , not sure if they were still holding back . " Thanks for being honest , but if you don 't mind I 'm going to go upstairs . I need some time alone . " Jamie began to follow his brother , but stopped just short of the stairs . " I don 't know if I can trust either one of you again . It 's like you were forced to tell us . " Turning away again , he went upstairs . " She 's right , " Dotty said as she entered the room . " And you don 't need to tell me what happened . I heard most of it from the top of the stairs . " " Mother , " Amanda began . " It 's the part of my job that doesn 't ever end . Now , why don 't you two sit back and relax for a little while ? I 'll go get you some double fudge brownies and coffee . I 'm sure both Phillip and Jamie will come around . " An hour and a half later , Phillip made his way slowly into the living room . " Mom , Lee ? Can I say something ? " Seeing them nod in assent , he continued . " I 'm still not thrilled about what finally made you decide to tell us about being married , but I guess I understand the reasoning behind not telling us earlier , " he admitted . " Welcome to the family , Lee , " Phillip said as he gave the older man a handshake , followed by a hug for his mother . Phillip shook his head . " He was still on the phone with Angela when I came down . " At that moment he noticed the empty desert plates on the coffee table . " Hey , are there any brownies left ? " " In the kitchen , " Amanda told him . " Go on in and get some . " Jamie had come downstairs , and watched from the foyer while his brother talked to their mother and Lee . ' I still think they 're hiding something , ' he thought to himself as he remembered what Angela had mentioned on the phone . She had told him what she overheard earlier , from the tree house , and reminded Jamie that he 'd never learn anything more if he stayed angry with his mom and Lee . Sighing , he went into the living room to join them just as Phillip left for the kitchen . " I wanted to let you know that I 'm not mad at either of you anymore , " Jamie began . " But I 'm still not sure about why you didn 't trust us . I guess we 'll discuss it more later . " Jamie turned to his new step - father . " Welcome to the family , Lee . " " Thank you , Jamie . " Lee answered . Once he was gone , Lee spoke up . " Amanda , do you think he 'll trust us again ? " " I hope so . I think so . We just need to give him some time . " Amanda responded , to reassure herself as much as Lee . " Okay , " Lee agreed . " Then , time we 'll give it . " He kissed his wife . " I hate to mention this , Amanda , but what about Dr . Smyth ? We can 't keep the Agency gossips quiet forever . " " We can 't tell him now . He 's out of town , " she reminded him . " We 'll tell him as soon as he gets back . I don 't want to worry about it now , " she said giving her head a shake . Why don 't we go join Mother and the boys in the kitchen ? " " Sounds good to me , Mrs . Stetson . " Lee told her as he placed his hand on her shoulders . " In about one or two more minutes . " |
I had sent the following story about my father to my girlfriend the other day . I wrote it more than a dozen years ago and hadn 't looked at it in quite some time . Maybe it 's because I 'm older now , but what surprised me the most was how many times it made me cry . ( Warning : It 's long . ) I was always a good finder . Lost toys , misplaced car keys , an errant contact lens hiding on the basketball asphalt , it made no difference . I usually found what I was looking for . And while reaching deep under the cushions of my life , I 've also discovered some things I wasn 't looking for , especially when it came to the loose change that was my father . Though my anger has finally dissipated into bewilderment , I still have difficulty saying those words - " my father " - without adding the customary " that fuckin ' asshole . " The sweetest words when spoken by my two sons - " Da - Da , " " Daddy , " " Dad " - were never an option . Jack Carlat was none of those . I first found out about him 37 years ago when I was six years old . I was in an arts & crafts class with a bunch of kids from my Brooklyn neighborhood , and we were painting various plaster of Paris statuettes . I 'd chosen the tablets bearing the Ten Commandments - a favorite among the older kids , who meticulously filled in each Hebrew letter with gold paint , tiny brush stroke by tiny brush stroke . But I didn 't have that kind of patience ; I just glommed on the paint and was done in ten minutes . One of the older kids , still working on the second Commandment , was offended . Well , this was about the funniest thing the kid had ever heard . " Nobody works in California all the time ! " he said . " Your parents are probably divorced . " She returned that evening with a large rectangular package wrapped in butcher brown paper tucked under her arm . The three of us - my younger brother , Michael , my baby sister , Patti , and I - naturally assumed it was a toy . But with the first rip of paper , we were disappointed . Inside the package was a painting - a paint - by - numbers rendering of a matador triumphantly stabbing a bull . " It 's from your father , " our mom told us . My mom kept her important papers in an old hat box at the top of her closet , and on slow Sunday afternoons she 'd take it down and show us photographs of herself and my father when they were young . In their wedding pictures they looked like royalty : my mom , a slender auburn - haired beauty in a lace gown ; my father , a tall Sean Connery look - alike in a white dinner jacket . They seemed destined to live happily ever after . I was a latch - key kid - my mom worked at my grandfather 's Chock Full O ' Nuts - so it was easy to retrieve that box when no one else was home . Beneath the wedding photos I found baby pictures and snapshots of obscure relatives with bad teeth . Those rested on top of notebook pages filled with poetry written in my mom 's neat cursive . And at the bottom was a cache of letters on cerulean blue stationery , all bearing the same postmark : Ossining , N . Y . I 'd seen these letters before ; my mom had even read parts of them to me . But in my excitement I 'd never noticed where they came from . The next day I looked up Ossining in an encyclopedia at school . It said something about the town having been called Sing Sing , after the Sin Sinck Indians , and how its name was changed to avoid the association with Sing Sing Prison . I realized then that my father was in jail , that he was locked up with lots of bad men . Still , it didn 't occur to me that he was one of them . That didn 't dawn on me until he came home . " Guess who 's coming to dinner ? " he wisecracked over the phone , and I never saw my mom laugh so hard . She spent the rest of the morning straightening up the apartment , nervous as a bride . Mikey , Patti , and I literally hung out of my bedroom window while we waited for a Yellow Cab to arrive . Finally , Patti yelled , " He 's here ! " - and it was like being shocked by a defibrillator . Eight years had passed since I last saw him ; I was now twelve years old . I bolted down the stairs , jumping half flights , thinking all the while that I wouldn 't let myself cry , no matter what , because I didn 't want his first impression to be that I was a sniveling little kid . Then I pulled the front door open and ran into my father 's massive arms , and he scooped me up as if I were a baby , as if it was right where we had left off . Mikey scored his touchdown seconds later , and the three of us hugged , refusing to let go . " Let 's go see the girls , " my father said , brushing his long , thick fingers against our crew cuts , and up we went . Patti hid behind the front door and watched through the crack as my father carried us into our apartment . My mom erupted all over him ; they kissed one of those kisses that made us squirm at the movies . But since we weren 't at the movies , Mikey and I started to punch each other , until my folks broke it up so we could all hunt for Patti , who was now hiding under the high - riser . My father plopped down on one of the twin beds , shot us a wink , and bellowed , " If you don 't behave yourself , I 'm going to spank you . " Mikey and I were so psyched : We routinely pulled this kind of crap on her , and now we had a new partner in crime . Patti slept on the living room couch that night instead of with our mom . After tucking us in , my father , a king - size version of me in boxer shorts , closed the door to my mom 's bedroom . It was the first time that door had ever been closed . And it never fully opened again . After that day , none of us talked about where my father had been . Behind his back , neighbors called him a gonif and a shonda , speaking Yiddish so we couldn 't understand , but not much was lost in the translation . My grandfather , even many years later , persisted in referring to this earlier period as " when your father was in California . " I 'd say , " Pop , we know he was in jail . You don 't have to make believe anymore . " And he 'd just mutter something about it being " nobody 's business . " But eventually I did hear the story , straight from the horse 's mouth . I was in my early ' 20s , and I wanted to deal with my father like the adult I thought I was . So one night we went out to dinner , for the first and only time . After a few beers , I said I wanted to know the truth about him . This is what he told me : He was the youngest of three , an accident born twelve years after his sister , Vivian . His dad was strict , his mom depressed , and he wasn 't close to either of them . When he was six , Jack and his folks moved from Brooklyn to Chicopee Falls , Massachusetts , where some uncle promised to set up his dad in business . Bernie , his older brother , and Viv were both already grown , and they stayed behind . He was a wild child . Fighting , stealing , lying , he was steadily in trouble until he dropped out of high school and joined the Air Force . There he became a mechanic because he was too tall to fit into a cockpit , and that kept him out of World War II . He did get to fight , though , on the boxing team . While he was in the service , his mother died . It was after his hitch that the real trouble began . Always successful with women , he went home one night with the daughter of a jeweler . He told me that the sight of her opened drawer filled with rings , pendants , and chains was more exciting than looking up her legs . He said nobody ever got hurt . He said he was known as the " gentleman thief . " For this , he went away for seven years . His dad and his brother disowned him . Vivian visited him in jail every other weekend . After doing his stretch , he met my mom , married , and banged out three kids . He worked with my grandfather as a butcher , but soon quit , complaining that his hands swelled up . They did not swell up when he and two accomplices knocked over a jewelry store , but he was arrested and did another eight years . That time his father died , but no one told him : Vivian had gone crazy , and the mere sight of my mom pushing me in a stroller one day sent her screaming in the opposite direction . Two incidents that took place after he came back to live with us warranted explanation . As the middleman in what he called a " commodities deal , " he was holed up with a partner in a Curacao hotel for several months . The partner took off and left my father to pay an enormous bill . Since he didn 't have a dime , my father was thrown in jail for almost a year . He spent much of that time hustling fellow inmates at dominoes . Later , during the Iran - Iraq war , he tried to extort money from an Iranian businessman who lived in Queens . The guy called the cops , and my father was collared in his car . A gun was found in the trunk . He insisted that it wasn 't his , and the charges were dropped . Shaken by these revelations , I asked my father the obvious question : why ? And I remember him looking at me as if it was the first time we 'd met . " You 'd never understand , " he said , taking a drag on his Marlboro . Neither of us had much to say for the rest of the night . But he was right : I didn 't understand , nor did I even try . I hated him for leaving us . I hated him for coming home . I hated him for his fanciful lies . I hated him for his sad truth . I hated him for not being my dad . Most of all , I hated him for being my father . The feeling seemed to be mutual . While we were living under the same roof , my father and I would go at it like George and Martha in Who 's Afraid Of Virginia Woolfe ? And just when the battle seemed to be over , I 'd nail him with one last snotty jab and he 'd look at me with murder in his eyes , turn tomato - red , and then plow his fist into the wall - a move that my brother later copied for dramatic effect . Yet he never hit me . I remember having one of those " Who would win in a fight , Batman or Superman ? " conversations with my mom , only we were talking about my father and my brother . Now an adult , Mike had grown to gargantuan proportions and had a pretty nasty rep of his own . I believed he could take the old man out . " I just know . He knows what he 's doing and he would kill him , " she repeated . " He wouldn 't stop until Michael was dead . " Luckily , this pay - per - view event never happened . My father died 15 years ago of - a diagnosis that neatly describes our relationship - heart failure . Neither of us ever managed to punch through the walls we 'd built around ourselves . After he died , I didn 't even give him all that much thought . Until a few months ago . I was watching an episode of Law & Order in which Sam Waterson was weighing a plea bargain for a man who had murdered his girlfriend . In the end , the perp copped to manslaughter and got seven years . I know , it was a TV show , but even so that line almost knocked me out of bed . This guy received a seven - year sentence for killing someone and my father did seven - and eight - year stretches for robbery ? Even his truths were lies ! I felt like a naive six - year - old , back in arts & crafts class , and in my hands was a mold of my life painted in gold . But this time I drop it and watch it shatter because this time , I 'm the older kid who needs to fill in each letter , tiny brush stroke by tiny brush stroke . When I learn the truth about my father , maybe I 'll finally understand . And even if I don 't , I 'll at least have gotten the last word . Investigating a life isn 't easy , especially when you 're afraid of what you might find . That admission alone - acknowledging my fear - is progress . That 's something I would 've never done when I was a kid and " the man of the house . " I lived in catastrophe mode - no dad , no money , no love - and wore a big smiley - face to disguise it . Now all these years later , I seemingly have it all - I 'm a dad with some money and much love - but my countenance is often that of the frightened little boy I was . And I call my sister . Patti doesn 't have any of our father 's papers either , and we joke that maybe he 's not really dead ; after all , she never looked inside the casket . But I did - I had to - and he was dead all right . We recall his funeral , and the good laugh we enjoyed before the eulogy , when the rabbi asked us to enumerate my father 's good qualities . We drew a blank , so the rabbi had to fall back on his standard repertoire . " Jack Carlat was a dreamer , " he said . " He shot for the stars and oftentimes fell short . " In retrospect , these seem like fitting remarks about a man whose entire life was a lie , but at the time we didn 't dare look at each other for fear of cracking up . Patti and I agree that as funerals go , we had a pretty good time . Patti promises to e - mail whatever she can find . Then I ask her why she never questioned any of our father 's stories . " You know , I always felt sorry for him , " she says , and for a moment I 'm stunned . " No matter how many times he hurt me - and boy , did he hurt me - I hated hurting him . Remember the ring story ? " It 's a family classic . My father " bought " my mom this gaudy gold ring with all kinds of semiprecious stone chips fitted in a " spray " setting . It was hideous . For a guy who seemed proud to have knocked over a jewelry store , he had horrible taste in rings . But my mom loved it . Patti vividly remembers what happened next : " One day Daddy accused me of stealing the ring . I knew instantly that he had taken it . So we started to fight and he was screaming , calling me a thief , and I looked at Mommy . I was dying for her to believe me , but she didn 't say a word . I was so mad , I just left . " When I came back the next day , I went straight to his closet - I knew I 'd find something - and I found the pawn ticket in one of his jackets . I showed it to Mommy , but again , not a word . I stopped talking to Daddy . But after a few days I gave in because I always felt so bad for him . It was really love - hate between us . " I haven 't spoken with my brother in a dozen years . It runs in the family . My grandfather didn 't speak with his brother ; my father didn 't speak with his . Why should we be different ? Mike and I split over money , but it could 've been anything . Our true break - up happened the night our mom died , when I chose to be with Caryn , who was then my girlfriend and is now my wife , instead of grieving with the family . It was a shitty , selfish thing to do , but after my mom died I was feeling shitty and selfish . I realize now that Mike must have felt worse . Patti was married with children , I was with Caryn , our mom had just died , and it 's just him and Jack , wondering who was going to cook them dinner . And there 's a part of me that would love to call him , that would love to grip him in a headlock , that would love to go with him to Chinatown in the middle of the night . Still , there 's a reason my phone number remains unlisted . My brother is no longer the person I remember , the one I loved so deeply , and yes , it is complicated . Because I 'm afraid of what I might find , I will not call . You 'll be happy to know then that I 'm not afraid to call my crazy Aunt Vivian . I have no idea if she 'll make any sense , or if she 'll even speak with me . If she went nuts 40 years ago , who knows what shape she 's in today ? But she 's the only person alive who can shed any new light on my father , and I have to wonder why I 've never tried to contact her before . My knee - jerk answer : " You don 't want to know me , then I don 't want to know you . " But there 's more to it than that . And that 's the way I felt about my father 's family . You want to be angry with him , fine , I could understand that , I was angry with him too , but why blame me ? As a teenager , my sister decided enough was enough and called Uncle Bernie . " Hi , I 'm your niece , " she said . " I 've always wanted to meet you . " And a few weeks later we all paid a friendly visit to his apartment on the Lower East Side . My brother and sister stayed in touch with Bernie over the years , but I held back , doing what he had done to me - punishing him for the sins of my father . Still , I invited him to my wedding , and ten minutes before the ceremony he pulled me aside . It was like a scene out of The Godfather directed by Barbra Streisand . He told me how much he regretted taking out his anger on us , my father 's kids . He asked if I could ever forgive him . Then he threw his arms around my neck and began to weep uncontrollably , and as I held him , I noticed how much he looked like my father and I pretty much lost it , too . I was married a few minutes later and never saw him again . Getting in touch with Vivian isn 't so difficult . Although I don 't even know her last name , her grandson and I happened to work on the same magazine a few years ago . He mentioned that he had a bunch of relatives named Carlat , and I said if that 's so , then I must be one of them . As it turned out , his mom , Penny , is Vivian 's daughter - and my cousin . So I call Ken to get her number and then I call Penny , slowly making my way up the river into the darkness of my father 's heart . " God , he had movie - star looks and he was so charming . I had such a crush on him , " she says , and it occurs to me that these are the first kind words about him I 've ever heard . " He was so handsome , but he was also the ultimate con man . He said whatever needed to be said to get whatever he needed to get . " That 's more like it , I say to myself . She tells me Vivian hasn 't been well and I 'm still wondering if her mom is even lucid , but I keep that to myself . " I have no idea if she 'll speak with you , " Penny says cautiously . " We 'll find out . " " Hi , Larry , " she says tentatively . " You know , your voice sounds familiar . Talk to me so I can hear more . " And I tell her how I 'm investigating my father , and how I 'm hoping that she 's the oracle who can fill in all the blanks . " So do you , " I respond lamely . She agrees to help as much as she can and asks me to call again next week because she has chemo tomorrow and it usually knocks her out of commission for a few days . " Okay , kiddo , " she says as she hangs up , and those words are such a strong reminder of my father . " Kiddo " was the only nice thing he ever called me . It 's also the expression I use whenever I 'm overwhelmed with love for my boys . The next week , sounding amazingly chipper for an 86 - year - old undergoing chemotherapy , Viv tells me about the first time my father went to jail . " It was for going AWOL when he was in the Army , " she says . " He left the service and began hitchhiking to California , robbing houses along the way . He stayed with my cousin for a few days , and she called to tell me about it . ' Jackie was here and now he 's gone , ' she told me , ' but a lady came to the house with her daughter , who she said was pregnant by Jackie . ' " I 'm floored by this disclosure ( to say nothing of hearing my father referred to as " Jackie " ) , but that 's all she knows about the incident . We continue to chat about my father as a young man - how he was a Bad Seed , how he never expressed any remorse , how he resented his older brother . As far as she knows , all his crimes were burglaries . She goes on to tell me about things she did for him - giving him money , bringing him a piece of carpeting for the cold floor of his jail cell , getting him an apartment in her building when he was released - and that , finally , she simply could no longer deal with him . " He was like an empty hole , " she says sadly . " You cannot fill it up . " When I say that I understand her decision to sever ties with my father , that you can only have your heart broken so many times , I can hear the emotion in her response . " Larry , you don 't know what a blessing this is to talk to you , " she says . " I can almost cry , really , I feel so good about it . " This seems like a good place to stop and we agree to pick it up again in a few days . I do feel love for this woman whom I 've never met . After just a few phone conversations , I feel the closeness that comes from sharing the same traumatic experience . And I wonder if I 'd feel a similar bond with the now - adult child Vivian alluded to - my half - brother or sister - assuming he or she even exists . The odds of finding this sibling are infinitesimal . I 'll check with the Army , but I doubt they 'll have information on this . The Army ! I wonder if my father was on the boxing team before or after he went AWOL ? He probably concocted this fiction after seeing that Rocky Graziano movie with Paul Newman . . . . All I know is that the more I find out , the less I feel like I know . And what was it about my folks and California ? Was that the only state they ever heard of ? At this point I 'm getting stuck ; I 'm not sure who to call next . My father didn 't have any real friends , and I don 't remember any of his business associates other than a guy named Blackie , who is probably not listed in the phone book . It seems like time to bring in a hired gun . The next day , I tell Al the P . I . everything I know , and he seems confident that he can obtain my father 's rap sheet . Then I phone Vivian to pump her for more information . I want to get back to the first time my father went away and how he met my mom when he got out . " You know about my father and Bernie going to speak with your mother 's parents , doncha ? " she asks . The only story I ever heard about my parents ' impending nuptials was that my grandfather offered to send my mom to Europe to forget about my father . My mom , suffice it to say , never saw the lights of Paris . " Well , when Jackie came out , my father and Bernie spoke with him again because he swore everything was gonna be different this time . He had met your mother , Roz , and he was a changed man , " she says with a sarcastic edge that reminds me of me . " My father said , ' I want to meet Rozzie 's parents , ' and Jackie said , ' What for ? ' and my father said , ' Because I want to tell them just who you are . ' " So we went over there - they lived in a very nice house - and my father came right out and said , ' Look , he 's my son , but he 's no good . He has never worked , and he did very bad things , otherwise he wouldn 't have been in jail , ' " Vivian says , the anger in her voice building . " ' And I want you to know that I don 't think he 's ready to marry anybody yet . ' A few days later , your mom came to me and said that nothing was going to separate them , that it was between her and him . " This seems like as good a time as any to say a few words about my mom , Saint Roz , or at least that 's how I saw her when I was a kid . She was so beautiful that the guys at school used to say , " That 's your mother ? " She was so smart that she did the Sunday Times Crossword Puzzle in pen . She was so selfless that she bought us toys while she walked around in ripped stockings . She was so everything to me that I scarcely minded not having a father . I view her differently today . My mother was high - strung , often out of control , and at times verbally abusive . She lived in constant denial and wasn 't as smart as she thought she was . She never stopped reminding us about those ripped stockings . She loved us based on who gave her the least trouble and the most pride . She did the best she could under impossible circumstances , single - handedly raising three kids , but her best was not good enough . She was human and , like the rest of us , flawed . One aspect of her life never made sense to me : her taste in men . In our house , love was not only blind , it was also deaf and , especially , dumb . I never understood why she stuck by my father all those years . A few weeks ago , however , I was afforded the opportunity to reexamine what was really in her head , when I read the following , from a packet of ancient poetry written by my mom that Patti found at the top of one of her closets and sent along to me : One day , in the months after my father came home from prison , we were on our way somewhere and stopped for gas . The owner of the station began making small talk , while I sat quietly in the back seat , and he asked my father , " So , is the kid a mensch ? " My father hesitated , then replied , " I don 't know yet . " And that answer still kills me . Here he was judging me , telling a complete stranger he was unsure whether his own son would grow up to be a good person . Like he was such an authority on the subject . I 'm thinking about that as I sit in a courtroom in Mineola , Long Island , on my first day of jury duty . They suggest that you bring something to read and so I have . Who needs John Grisham when you 've got Al the P . I . 's report unopened on your lap ? The idea of delving into it here is irresistible . Al said that he couldn 't locate the rap sheet , but he did turn up files and Grand Jury minutes relating to the second time my father went away and the extortion scam in Queens . As I tear open the manila envelope , a voice in my head whispers , " Wow , Daddy did this ? " The report begins with something called a Warden 's Record Card , and on it I notice " Jack Talrac " typed next to the word " Alias . " Not exactly " redrum , " but hey , he didn 't finish high school , as the report also notes . All the standard stuff is here - DOB : 9 - 19 - 23 , Age : 37 , Color : White , Height : 6 ' 3 ″ , Weight : 212 , Color of Hair : balding dark brn . Like it wasn 't bad enough to be in prison , they had to crack on his receding hairline . Next to the question " Any outstanding personal characteristics ? " appears the word " none . " It goes on to record that he was sentenced to 15 to 20 years for second - degree robbery . He had two accomplices , Eli S . Lear and John L . Chernachowicz , who " in concert " ( like they were the Stones ) entered the home of Jerome Blane and stole $ 43 , 650 worth of goods . It doesn 't say what kind of goods , but does attribute the crime to " covering business losses , " which sounds better than " a blood lust for money . " Other items of interest : He worked for a rabbi while at Sing Sing and Greenhaven Prisons ; he was discharged from the Army in 1947 as an undesirable ; his use of alcohol was moderate and he did not use drugs ; he was self - employed and his occupation was " advertising , " which I find amusing and sad . Even here , he couldn 't cop to what he really was . At the bottom of Warden 's Report Card , like a footnote , it says " Number of Dependents Supports Under 16 : 3 . " The defendant [ that would be my father , for those scoring at home ] called the informant , one Jalal Moin , on the telephone , and stated , " I am from the Khomeni Committee . If you do not want any trouble with the IRS , and if you want your family to be safe , give me the sum of one million ( $ 1 , 000 , 000 ) U . S . Currency . " The defendant did appear at the home of the informant to collect the aforesaid currency from the informant and did threaten the informant 's life . The defendant when placed under lawful arrest ( 5 - 6 - 79 at 12 : 00 Noon ) , did unlawfully have in his possession a . 25 caliber automatic serial # 240871 , Titan which was loaded with 7 live rounds of . 25 caliber ammunition in a clip in the gun . Lawyers for the defendant ( I 'm not sure why , but I like calling him that ) argued that the police had no probable cause to search his car , where the gun was found , but a motion to suppress was denied . My father pled guilty to a reduced charge of criminal possession of a weapon in the second degree and got five years ' probation . Below the word " Sentence , " someone wrote " mitigating circumstances , " perhaps the same person who knew about his lack of outstanding characteristics . Impartial juror that I hope to be , I 'm ready to toss out the case when I come across a mug shot , on the back of a sheet marked New York State Department of Corrections . It 's him all right , a few years younger than I am now , and I stare at his face the way I stared at him in his casket , trying to summon those feelings a son is suppose to have about his dead father . They didn 't exactly get his good side , but he has a haunted look in his eyes that seems vaguely familiar . And then it hits me where I 've seen it before . My father and I were sitting vigil in my mom 's hospital room as she slipped in and out of consciousness . We pretended to be stoic , though actually we were scared shitless even to touch her because she looked nothing like the woman we loved . My father was sitting on top of a radiator , his legs slowly swinging as he rocked himself back and forth , lost in his own world . He was trying hard to hold it together ( just as I did when I first ran into his arms all those years ago ) , and when our glassy eyes met , it was the only time in my adult life that I ever felt love for the man . Because I didn 't see the man . I saw who he really was - a frightened little boy . That look touched a place in my heart , a place so secret that I had forgotten about it until now . And as I sit here quietly crying in this room where people are judged , it occurs to me that I 've found something I wasn 't looking for . My rage had always obscured his humanity , but now I 've found him and it feels good finally to be together . When I call Patti that evening to tell her about this memory , she 's not surprised . " When we were older , that was the only way I ever saw him , " she says . " Don 't you remember the fights I had with him ? He called me a whore and a slut , and I 'd respond , ' Since you have nothing else to say in your defense , you resort to name calling like a little boy . And that 's when he would lose his temper . " He would later lose everything else . His life spiraled downward after my mom died . He was homeless much of the time , moving from shelter to shelter , and spent many nights riding the subways until daybreak . I handled it in my usual way - out of sight , out of mind - but Patti almost went out of hers . " The last time was the worst , " she recalls . " We were having a New Year 's Eve party at our house , and he called that afternoon to ask if he could baby - sit so John and I could go out . He had nowhere to stay that night and it was snowing and John 's listening in on the extension , shaking his head . So I told him no . Then I ran into the city to give him money for a cheap hotel . Larry , it was such a relief when he died . He tortured me ! " He tortured us , we tortured him . I guess we were a family after all . Only we were the parents and he was the child . This arrangement might even have worked out if the child ever came out to play , but he was buried so deep inside , protected by too many hard layers of cold calculation . His duplicity was the only way to survive in prison , but it failed him miserably when it came to being a dad . That weekend Vivian is in New York , visiting her family for Thanksgiving , and I meet her for the first time in 40 years . I find her waiting for me in front of her daughter Lenny 's East Side apartment building , and I recognize her right away because she 's the spitting image of my father . " You look just like your father , " she tells me as we hug and kiss , and this is the first time that I don 't bristle upon hearing that remark . " So , Larry , still playing detective ? " Vivian asks when we 're settled in the back of a nearby coffee shop . And I proceed to tell her what I 've found and what I haven 't . None of it is news to her . In fact , she tells me that Jerome Blane , the guy from whom my father stole $ 43 , 650 worth of goods , was the uncle who gave my father 's father that job in Chicopee Falls . My father , we agree , lived in a small world . " I believe that everyone has some good qualities , but maybe because I was so upset with him , I wasn 't always fair , " she admits as she blows on her hot tea . " He was so young when the family moved away that I didn 't really get to know him . But then he did such things that I couldn 't believe he was my brother . " We talk about other mysteries , such as why my father served such harsh prison sentences , and chalk that one up to his recidivism . I tell her that my father led me to believe that she was certifiably crazy and she sighs and shakes her head . I tell her that any chance of finding my half - brother went up in smoke a few years ago in a fire that destroyed most of the Army 's older service records , and she 's quick to point out that here we are , finally , face to face . " When Penny asked me if I wanted to talk with you , she said that you were such a nice fellow and ' what does he have to do with Jackie ? ' " Viv says , fidgeting with the buttons on her pink jacket , as we make our way out the door . " You may be his son , but you 're made of different material . " Am I , though , or do I just wear it differently ? Is this where I 'm supposed to discover that I 'm really more like him than I ever realized ? That , like it or not , we all turn into our fathers . It 's true , we shared some traits - blood , looks , low self - esteem - and probably neither of us could understand why he did the things he did . But no , I 'm not like him . I was a little boy who acted like an adult , while he was an adult who acted like a little boy . I am a good finder . He was forever lost . He never grew up . I just did . And today , as evidence of the grown - up mensch I have become , my son Zachy and I are paying him a visit at the cemetery . When we stop at the entrance to get directions , Zachy is all smiles in his turned - around Tazmanian Devil cap , running around like it 's a Chuck E . Cheese . I take his hand and we go off to find my parents . " Hey - Ben , that 's my friend 's name ! " Zachy says , reading a name on a gravestone . " There 's Alex , he 's my friend also ! " When we get to my father 's grave , I ask Zachy to read the inscription . " Beloved Husband , Father , Grandfather and Friend Sept 19 , 1923 - June 10 , 1984 . " The " beloved " was certainly in the right place , I say to myself . I don 't know what I expected to feel , but I 'm oddly emotionless , yet chilled to the bone . I ask Zachy if he 's okay . " Because they 're so big . Look , I 'm stepping on your dad , " he says while doing a few Taz - like gyrations on my father 's grave . There 's no one else around on this first day of Chanukah , and if there was I might yell at him , but I don 't . I 'm glad he 's here with me . " How come your daddy 's grave is so messed up ? " Zachy asks . I know why , but don 't tell him . No one pays the maintenance . My Aunt Joyce foots the bill for my grandparents , and I pay for my mom . " Let 's hit the road , " I say . The wind is kicking up and it feels like snow and just as we get to the car , Zachy turns around . L : That 's what you say now . BTW , I 'm going for stupid sonogram in a few days . And will let you know if I 'm dying or not . Z : No . I think about my friends that have passed away and it makes me more inclined to make better decisions . Like driving - wise and drinking - and - driving - type of shit . L : I remember you telling me about it . I was just thinking : that new Kendrick Lamar song that we both love so much ? It 's all about death ! Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this : |
This week , I had a bathroom commode replaced in my guest bathroom , ( so if you come to visit , you will have a place to use . . ha ) . On Monday , I went to Home Depot and met with the young man who did the work for me , so that we could get the new commode and get it here . So , as we were walking through the store , we started discussing the old commode and what to do with it . He said he would carry it off for me , or I could just keep it if I wanted to . I replied , " Hey , I could just put it in the yard and plant daisies in it ! " He said , " Yeah , you would soon have the Homeowner 's association meeting to discuss it . " Then I commented that would be nothing compared to the reaction I would get from family . A few minutes later , I just got so tickled , I started laughing out loud . A few of the other customers kind of looked at me like I was a little looney , because I was kind of by myself , since Scott had walked on ahead of me a ways . The more I thought about it the funnier it became as I pictured the commode sitting on my front lawn with flowers growing up through the seat . Ha ha ha ha . Anyway , Scott carried it off , so please don 't worry . ha . Yesterday , Scott came back and installed grab bars in the shower in my bathroom and the guest bathroom as well . Don 't those grab bars look really nice ? Well , I was able to use the grab bars this morning , and they are wonderful and make me feel so much safer while in and getting out of the tub . I have finished Teresa 's quilt ( one of them ) and am on to other projects during these pre - Christmas days . I have quite a few of them to do , and I reckon keeping busy keeps me out of trouble . Ha ( pretty much , that is ) . This morning , I am so hungry for Sausage gravy and biscuits , and I need to do some grocery shopping , so I am going to Le Peep 's this morning for breakfast , then on to Kroger 's for groceries . Yesterday afternoon was spent pressing cloth that I had laundered in preparation for some of my projects . Today is Wednesday , so I will be going to eat supper at the church and then staying for choir practice . I hope to get started on at least two of the projects today during the afternoon . Well , that is about it for today . It has turned cool here in northeast Texas , and I have turned the heat on in the house . I turn it off just before bedtime and turn on my electric blanket . Ahhhhhh ! I love a cool room and a warm bed . This is Blabbin ' Grammy signing off for today . Much love to each of you , my friends and family . Bye for now . More later . Well , I don 't know who wound up the most stuffed all over America . . . people or turkeys . . . but we were pretty full when the day was over . I am sure there are people out right now , shopping like there was no time left tomorrow to do any shopping , and for some of them , there probably won 't be . An interesting note . . . police are going to be on the lookout not only for drunk drivers but people driving like they are intoxicated because they are texting . ( My computer doesn 't recognize texting as a valid word . . . ha ) . Speaking of being stuffed , we certainly got our fill of food last evening . I tried to be very good and only had a thin slice of yummy chocolate bundt cake as dessert , and did not eat a lot of the supper , although it was very tasty . We celebrated two birthdays last evening because , even though it was not the actual birthdays but very close to them , it was an opportunity to do so , because most of the family was together . If we had had Teresa and Tom , and Emily and Ben , then it would have been complete . After we celebrated the birthdays with cake and gifts , we sat in the living room and told of some of the things we are grateful for . I can understand why people get depressed around holidays , because it would be so easy for me to do so . When you get together with family , you remember the ones who have gone on ahead of you . I miss my Dubby , and my siblings who have gone on , but especially Dubby . Here are some pictures from last evening . Well , there were lots more pictures taken , but these are some of the best . Needless to say , we had a good time . Carol did a beautiful , tasty supper with the help of others bringing some of the food . Everything was good , though . This is Blabbin ' Grammy signing off for now . Much love to each of you , my friends and family . Bye now . More later . Posted by I never know who I am going to meet . She was sitting alone with her head resting on her arms , and she looked quite worn out . I was in McDonald 's getting ready to have my usual Mickey D 's breakfast and looking for someone to give my extra apple pie . I decided to give it to her . She had two rolling suitcases sitting on the floor next to her and her coat was flung across her shoulders . When I offered the pie , she gladly took it and slowly ate it . She thanked me for it and said it hit the spot . I admit it . . . . I was quite curious about her ( so what else is new ? ha ) and so I struck up a conversation with her . She told me she had walked from the corner of Central and freeway 183 and had not slept much last night . I got the idea that she had spent the night there in Wal - mart and the more I talked to her , it became obvious that she is homeless . She revealed to me that she had once been an administrative assistant , and that her parents are both well - educated and successful and that she had laundry that needed to be done in the suitcases . It also became clear to me that she could very well have been tossed out on her ear by her parents . She said that she is following God 's directions in some job that He has for her to do , and that it is a secret that she can 't reveal . According to what I gleaned from her , she has some money that she uses sparingly for small meals and for doing her laundry . She appeared to be in her forties age - wise , and looked healthy enough to be working . Anybody that can walk as many miles as she apparently does , is able - bodied enough to hold a job . I told her that I guess if I were in her place I would be making a list of the jobs I could do and getting a newspaper to check the ads . That was when she said she was waiting for God 's directions in the secret project that he has for her to do . I did learn also that she is waiting to be approved for government assistance . But I was wondering how she is going to get that help if she has no permanent address . Hmmm . I wished her well with a " God Bless you " and left to do my Christmas shopping . This took place on Tuesday morning . Yesterday , my friend Wanda called me and asked if I would like to go to the Outback for lunch , and I said , " Sure ! " So we went and had a great time , laughing and talking . She and I are almost the same age , she being almost a year older than I . I had a yummy filet of steak , and a baked sweet potato . Last evening , I went over to Carol and Daryl 's and had some ( a small amount ) of Spaghetti and salad . Matt and Amy were there and Grammy Say , do you watch commercials ? A lot of people don 't , but I do . I find humor , pathos , silliness , and all the foibles of mankind in them . They are a miniscule picture of our society as it exists today . There is one that has just begun to be shown ( at least , I first noticed it the other day ) and it really bothers me . It is the commercial for the Audi and other automobiles in that group . A young man arrives home for the holidays , and as soon as he enters the house , it is empty , and the parents are just taking off for the holiday in their new automobile . The father looks at the mother and smiles , saying , " He 'll be just fine ! " Now , to me , that commercial is a sad commentary on our times . Families apart , each one going their own way , with no thought of others in their family . Thank God , it is not representative of all families , but the trend does seem to grow each year . I praise God that our family comes together instead of each going their own way . The people in the commercial are obviously wealthy . Hey , maybe that is the difference between them and my family . Another commercial that really bugs me is the one for Target , where the woman in red is exercising getting ready to shop , ( getting in shape so she can run over everyone else to get to the Black Friday bargains ) and then she screams , " IT 's here , it 's here ! " when she looks at the sale paper . PLEASE ! Give me a break ! What it all boils down to is : we are a nation of shoppers . . . give me , get me , I want . . . . I got to get this or that . . . . Oh , my I don 't have my shopping done . . . what can I get for ? . . . . We are a nation that is the wealthiest in the world and we are out to shop and get more . . . . do we want to look at pictures of people in the world who have nothing . . . who live in tents or on the streets with nothing ? No , it is too uncomfortable for us to see . Where am I going later today ? Christmas shopping . . . go figure . We have a Christmas Angel tree at church . I am buying gifts for a 12 year old little girl who would have nothing otherwise . It makes me feel a little better about others . The Lottie Moon Christmas offering will be getting something from me as well . I would urge each of you to do something for someone not in your family that is less fortunate than you . It will give you a measure of good feeling . This is Blabbin ' Grammy signing off for today . Much love to each of you , my friends and family . Bye for now . More later . Posted by Last evening , friend Joe and his sweet wife picked me up and took me with them to hear a group of country / bluegrass singers and pickers . It was really heartwarming to see and hear them . After they played the Star Spangled Banner , they ripped into Rocky Top . Now , anyone who has ever seen a University of Tennessee Football game knows that is the number one song played during a game , especially when UT scores a touchdown . During the week preceding a football game , fans get revved up when they hear it played on Tennessee radio stations . Hearing it played and sung last night just warmed the cockles of me heart . Made me feel like crying , too . Just for a bit , you understand . The group playing was honoring Decca Records who were a big producer of country and bluegrass music back in the 30 's , 40 's , 50 's , 60 's and 70 's . Music I grew up on and still love to this day . Along with others in the audience , I clapped enthusiastically , cheered , sang along , tapped my feet and just generally enjoyed the whole shebang . Today , I am going shopping at the mall with Carol . She will be here in a few minutes so I had better close this one off . Teresa is doing well and is able to walk without pain . Ain 't God Good ? This is Blabbin ' Grammy signing off for now . Much love to each of you , my friends and family . Bye for now . More later . Posted by Have you ever awakened crying or whimpering ? I did early this morning . Of course , I was dreaming . I remember the dream so clearly , even now . Yesterday , my head was itching from fall and winter dryness . Naturally , having been a teacher for twenty - eight years , the first thing I always think of when my head begins to itch is lice . I have never had them , but as a teacher I lived in fear of catching them . I used to have my beautician check my head when I would go in for a haircut and my head would be itchy . Anyway , that must have been on my mind when I went to sleep . I was dreaming that Dubby and I were in our home , and our heads began to be itchy . We discovered that a family had taken up residence in our home ( we must have had a large house , ha ha ) and there was a mother with three children . I thought at first that the kids had lice because they had these rough places on their heads . It turned out to be some kind of sores that were caused by allergies of some kind . But they were staying at our house , and it was meal time , and I was looking in my fridge and freezer for something to feed all of us . There was no meat , and when I looked for potatoes to prepare there were only a few - not enough to feed all six of us , and not much of anything else . I was beginning to feel desperate . . . that was when I woke up whimpering . Wow ! What a dream . There was much more to it but that was the main gist of it . ( Regarding the Occupiers of Dallas ) : When I was watching the news this morning , I saw that the police had moved in around midnight last night and emptied the camp outside City Hall . The city had given the occupiers notice to evacuate and some had already left . There were those who thought they had a long time to leave , so some left peacefully and about 18 others were arrested and carried off in squad cars . A huge amount of trash and a number of tents were left behind . Now there is a huge mess to clean up . Crime had begun to run rampant throughout the encampment . People were urinating in places that were not meant to be used as suOn to another subject : I have allergies to many things , and among them are colognes and perfumes . I can 't even go down the aisle in the store that has air fresheners and detergents without sneezing and wheezing . I get the fabric softeners that are unscented . When I get close to people that are wearing perfumes , colognes , etc . the same thing happens : I sneeze and then my nose begins to drip and run . It is very embarrassing when I am trying to sing in the choir room with the other members and my nose begins to drip and I stand there trying to stop it with my finger and thumb . Last night , I finally just had to go into another room and get some tissues and blow . Then I was able to come back in and take my place again . Of course , by then I was choking up . . . hard to sing when that happens too . Ha . Well , Teresa had her surgery yesterday and when I talked to her hubby , Tom , he said she was doing well ( in pain , but not intolerable ) , so I hope I will get to talk to her some time today . Today , I go back to the eye surgeon and hopefully will get the clear protective lens removed from my eye . It is very annoying , but necessary , I know . Thank you all for prayers on our behalf . I am also going to bake some " Lottie Moon Cookies " like those made by Lottie Moon , the missionary to China so many years ago . Any Baptist can tell you who Lottie Moon was . Every year we take up money to give to the Lottie Moon Christmas Offering to help our foreign missionaries . All the money collected goes into a fund to help them with their work and none of it goes to administration of the funds . Well , that is about it for today . This is Blabbin ' Grammy signing off for today . Much love to each of you , my friends and family . Bye for now . More later . Posted by I slept quite well last night , too . I had left my tevee on in my bedroom when I went to sleep and I woke up shortly after 1 : 00 a . m . when the power went off . I had gone to bed around 7 : 30 ( quite an early time for me , you know . ) So , I got up and walked through the house to see if all the lights in the neighborhood were off , and they were . ( Yes , I have been living here long enough to walk through the house in the dark without running into anything ) . So I sat down in my recliner to wait for the power to come back on . It was not but about fifteen minutes till the lights were back on , and I went back to bed then . Today is Wednesday , which is always a busy day for me . I go to a Psalms Bible Study at Countryside Bible Church this morning and then this afternoon ( or evening rather ) I go eat at the Woodland Heights Baptist where I am a member , and then have choir practice . In the middle of the day , I usually am busy quilting or some other activity . I will probably trek to the library today and exchange my books for more . My reading has been somewhat suffering lately because of my left eye vision being rather blurry . It kind of messes up my binocular capabilities . Weather is supposed to turn cool again today . Teresa is having her knee surgery today , so please keep her in your thoughts and prayers . I appreciate it and I know she will , too . The protestors are still in Occupation of Dallas . I defend the right of citizens to protest , but I think these people are carrying the protest too far . Many of them are hiding behind masks . I think if a person is going to protest against something , they should have the chutzpah to stand up and be counted as him ( or her ) self . I also think many of them are not really there to be protesting but because they think of it as a lark , and have nothing else to do . ( In other words , not everyone there truly believes in the cause ) . A lot of criminal acts have taken place in these occupations , and a tent city like they have actually is a breeding place for criminal activities . Well , the minutes are paGrammy Well , I reckon that the weather is going to be getting cooler . The leaves on the trees are beginning to turn brown . They were pretty for a couple of weeks . I am hoping that it will be getting so cold that all the rabble rousers who are camped near city hall in Dallas will be driven indoors somewhere else . I know that a lot of riffraff has joined the idiots who are " occupying " Dallas and other cities . A lot of them seem to have the same ideals as those who were affiliated with ACORN , which is supposedly extinct . There are a number of homeless persons who have joined those in the tent city . I feel for them , but I am convinced they are just there for the shelter . It is alarming to see how they all form a mob of ranters and lawlessness . Here is the recipe for old fashioned raisin pie , which came from the back of a commodity box of raisins over forty years ago . By the way , the pan came back empty after the supper last night . 2 c . water Bring water to boiling , add raisins ; cover and cook for 5 minutes . Mix sugar and flour ; stir into raisins . Lower to medium heat . Cook , stirring constantly , until mixture boils . Cook one minute . Remove from heat . Stir in lemon juice and add nuts , if used . Let cool a little bit ( maybe five minutes ) . Pour into unbaked pie crust . I like to make a lattice top crust . I do this by cutting top crust into strips and then weave it as I place it on top of pie . You will need to do this quickly because the heat from the mixture will cause the crust to get very soft . Start in the middle of the crust and work outward . When you have placed top crust on pie , bake for 30 minutes or until crust is browned . YUM ! Well , that is it for today . I have a lot of sewing projects going right now as Christmas gifts , so time is getting short . This is Blabbin ' Grammy signing off for now . Much love to each of you , my friends and family . Bye for now . More later . Well , they say a person can 't be real trusting of others and I guess I discovered that for myself ( again ) today . After Sunday School this morning , I had a need to stop off in the ladies " necessary " room . We have a traditional service at 8 : 15 , then everyone has Sunday School . So , I was about ready to leave the church . I hate to take my pocketbook and Bible and choir folder into the stall with me , so I just leave it on the wash basin and pick it up after I wash my hands . Well , I decided to have a KFC snack ( one piece of chicken / one side dish with a biscuit ) and proceeded to KFC . I got there and opened my purse to take out my little change purse / credit card holder . LO and behold , it was missing . I thought back over the morning and realized I must have taken it out in the classroom to remove the little eye drop packet I had to take with me . ( Eye drops every hour ) so I went back to the church and searched in the classroom . It wasn 't there . I proceeded to the back pew where I had been sitting during church - not there either . Then on out and into the rest room . There next to the wall , and on the basin sat my credit card holder / purse . With great relief , I picked it up and came back out into the atrium . A couple of ladies that are friends of mine were sitting there and I told them about my plight , and said , " thank goodness , I found it " . I opened it then and saw my credit cards were okay , and then opened the other part of it , and saw that the cash I had in it was gone . I am not sure how much of it I had , but it was at least $ 40 . 00 and could have been as much as 60 . Apparently that was all they took . I am fortunate that they didn 't have time ( apparently ) to take my credit cards . I guess they were just after fast cash . ( I guess the temple that Jesus cleansed was not the only one with thieves and robbers , eh ? ) Well , that was my little misadventure of today . I made the raisin pie last evening and am making the squash casserole after while . I have a couple of hours before I need to begin that . This is Blabbin ' Grammy signing off for today . Much love to each of you , my friends and family . Bye for now . More later . Posted by Well , it has been a few long days since I last posted . I have been doing a lot of eye drops . Three kinds had to be dropped in four times a day , and another kind had to be dropped in every hour that I was awake . There were also goggles which fit closely to my face and had to be worn at night to protect my operated eye . I have been sleeping in my recliner and not doing too badly at that . Some times when I awakened I didn 't know where I was at first ( disoriented , so to speak ) and it took a few seconds to figure out that I wasn 't in bed . During the day , I was busy sewing , making a baby quilt for Andrew and Julia 's new baby ( not here yet ) boy . On Monday , Mitzi picked me up and we went to eat with the seniors at Cotton Patch Cafe . That was the last day I was out of the house until yesterday , when I drove for the first time and went to spend some time with Julia and their two little girls , Alyssa and Brooke . I got to hold them and read to them . Andrew was just getting up from sleeping to go to work . I am so glad that Julia is able to be a stay at home Mom for their children . She is a really great mom . I went to the eye surgeon today so he could check my eyes and have the clear protective contact lens removed from the operated eye . OOPS . . . not healed enough yet to remove the contact lens , so I have another appointment for next Thursday . It still is about ten percent lacking in being healed . On my way back from Dr . Ranelle 's office , I stopped at Kroger 's for groceries , and some more of the drops that I have to use every hour . I also bought a pair of sunglasses to help me see driving in the sunshine . Our church is having a Thanksgiving supper on Sunday evening , and that way members will be free to celebrate Thanksgiving together without worrying about getting together closer to the actual holiday . I am going to be making a squash casserole and an old = fashioned raisin pie . Yum ! On last Saturday morning , I ordered an embroidery sewing machine and it arrived on Tuesday by UPS . I unpacked it , but haven 't set it up yet . Right now , I have two work tables in my living room , each with a machine on them . I still have to read the instruction books and clear off a place to set it up as I read . Well , my appetite tells me that lunch time has come and gone , and I need to prepare something to eat . I think I may have a tomato , mayo , onion , cheese sandwich . Chicken for supper sounds good , too . I will probably be sewing this afternoon . I hope to spend some time today or tomorrow visiting with Teresa on Skype . I also hope to go to a yard sale sometime this weekend with Carol . On Tuesday , I had a piece of furniture from the yard sale delivered to my home . It is a sewing machine cabinet that must be fifty years old . They removed the machine because I did not want it ; I just wanted the cabinet which I will be using as a desk for my guest bedroom . It will be a good place to do my Bible Studying and teaching preparation . Well , that is about it for today . This is Blabbin ' Grammy signing off for today . Much love to each of you , my friends and family . I would appreciate your prayers on behalf of Teresa , who is having knee surgery to repair some torn ligaments on Monday of next week . I know she would as well . Thank you so very much . Thank you for the prayers lifted up in my behalf as well . Bye for now . More later . Posted by Well , I am in " recovery mode " and seem to be doing pretty well . There is some pain in my operated eye , but Tylenol works really well . Didn 't really need the hydrocodone that was prescribed for pain . After all , a tough old bird doesn 't really need the high pain control . Ha . Thank the Lord that I have a high pain tolerance ! I have been sewing some , but discovered last evening that since I can 't really see with both eyes , I need to wait a few days before resuming a lot of sewing . For one thing , I am staying busy just putting eyedrops into my eyes . I have three different drops that must be put in four times a day , and I have to wait at least five minutes between drops . There are other eye drops that must be put in each hour to keep my eye moistened . Speaking of pains . . . what a pain that is ! Ha . I have a clear contact lens in my operated eye , and that lens will be removed when I return on Friday morning to the doctor so he can remove it . If it comes out before then , I am to immediately notify them so I can get it replaced . I haven 't tried driving yet , but will do so on Friday to return to the doctor . My repairman , Scott , will be returning sometime today to repair the leaky commode in my guest bathroom . He did a super job on the garage ceiling , and I am so thankful for that . My sleeping in the recliner has been going fairly well . I can sleep as much and as well in the recliner as I have been sleeping in my bed , thank goodness ! Mitzi is coming by this afternoon to take me to eat with the seniors . We are going to the Cotton Patch Cafe for supper . Are you coping well with the time change back to Standard Time ? It doesn 't make a great deal of difference to me , except for the earlier darktime . I really do love the Daylight Savings Time , though . Well , that is about it for today . More rest today , I guess . I need to fold clothes from laundry I did the other day , and will do that after breakfast . Right now , I need to do the eye drops . This is Blabbin ' Grammy signing off for today . Much love to each of you , my friends and family . Bye for now . More later . Posted by Well , I have been to the eye surgery today and it was not a bad or unpleasant experience . The people were wonderful at the surgery , and the doctor was really quite excellent at what he does . He is a very nice person , too . When I went back to have the surgery ( into the surgery suite ) , they gave me a Valium to calm my nerves and I expected to really feel the effects of it - you know that calm all over feeling of drowsiness when you are on a sedative - ha ! no effect as far as I could tell . But that is okay . . didn 't even feel sleepy when I got back home . They helped me to lie down on the narrow padded bed thingy , and he taped my eyelids down so they would be out of the way , and put a shield over the non - operative eye . Then he inserted a clamp under my eyelids to keep my eye open . Next he proceeded to use the laser to remove as much of the epithelial cells as he could . Then he stopped a couple of times and we went out into an examining room so that he could check the results . Then back into the surgery room to continue with the same procedure , until he got what he felt was the best results . He washed my eye with saline solution , and added more drops of medication , and finally put the clear contact lens into my eye , which will remain for a week . Tomorrow morning , Carol will return with me for him to check my eye , and I have three eye drops that must be used four times a day , along with eye drops that must be used every hour while I am awake . Of course , that doesn 't count the eye drops that I used each night before bed time for my Glaucoma . I am going to be " dropped out " before all this is over . Ha ha . So far my eye is not causing me any pain to speak of . I do have some Hydrocodone if I need it , but will probably be taking only regular stuff for pain . They gave me some really cool protective eyewear for night time . I feel like I should have a scarf around my neck to protect me against the wind when I am piloting a little pre - world war II airplane . Don 't I look really cool ? Ha . Yeah , I just had to have Carol take my picture . I couldn 't pass up the opportunity . You know me . . . Ha ha . Carol did the drive through thing at KFC for our lunch , and brought me home and got me settled for my lunch , then went home to fix lunch for Daryl . He is on thGrammy Well , it was another escape for me , I know . Thank you , Jesus ! The LORD is good , all the time . I wasn 't actually under it , but I could have been , because it could have happened anytime I was in the garage . It just happened yesterday morning while I was still in bed , around 6 a . m . Yeah , if you read my posting yesterday , you know that I heard a big ka - whomp ! and didn 't know what it was when I was posting . I had gone out to the garage before posting and looked at the huge spring over my garage door , thinking it could have broken again like it did last year . But that wasn 't it . So I went out to the garage again after I posted , just to look around again . I happened to look over at the ceiling of the garage and saw the big gaping hole in the drywall ceiling . GASP ! Yep , like I said , it could have happened as easily while I was under it , either getting into or out of my car . The falling plasterboard grazed the side of my car but doesn 't seem to have damaged it . Of course , after moving some of the plasterboard that was lying beside my car , I went inside and got my camera . No need to waste a Canon Power Shot moment , was there ? Ha . I called Carol and she and Daryl came over and cleared a bit of it away and then Daryl called a friend of his who does this kind of work and is out of work right now . So , Scott ( his friend ) and Daryl came over around 11 : 30 and we made arrangements for Scott to do the work . He is supposed to come over around 1 : 00 this afternoon and work on it . He would probably have come this morning , but I have errands to run today . Yesterday , my friend , Mitzi , and I went to lunch at the Cotton Patch Cafe and she is going to come by for me on Monday to take me out to eat supper with the seniors . Isn 't that sweet of her ? We had a really nice time getting acquainted and just generally having a gabfest . It was very good . Yesterday , I got a phone call and as usual , didn 't know who he was on the other end when he asked for Ruby . ( me ) I said , " You got her ! " He identified himself as Casey from Texas Toyota where I take my car to be serviced . I said " yes ? " He very meekly asked , " Would you like to buy a new vehicle ? " He took me by surprise asking me that , and I laughed and said , " I reckon not , but thanks for calling . " He said , " okay " and we disconnected . I thought to myself that I bet he doesn 't sell many cars with an approach like that . He didn 't even give me any kind of sales pitch . He kind of acted like the fellow on radio who was a traveling salesman on a show . He would knock and say , " Nobody home , I hope , I hope , I hope ! " I don 't remember the character 's name . Maybe some of you all do . ( It was a radio show from the 1940 's , folks ) . Today , a visit to Walmart , to the Library and to Kroger 's , in that order . I am going to have a sausage , egg biscuit for my breakfast and a late lunch , early supper . Which reminds me , I need to take some chicken from the freezer and put it in the fridge to thaw to cook for supper . I plan to be out of the house in about thirty minutes . Lasik surgery on my eye in the morning is taking place . Thank you for the prayers that I know will be going up in my behalf . Cold weather has hit Texas , and it is supposed to be down to freezing tonight . I am going to leave the heat off as long as it is comfortable . I have pretty good insulation in my house . Well , that is about it for Blabbin ' Grammy today . Much love to each of you , my friends and family . Bye for now . More later . Posted by Well , I am posting some pictures of first four rows of quilt so that those of you who are interested can view it . I am hoping to get it finished by Thanksgiving . I think I have a handle on it now . I am posting three pics . One of left side , one of right side , and a longwise pic of the four rows from the end . The final eight rows will be a repeat of the first four two times . I call it a zig - zag quilt . This morning I have been up long enough to clean my kitchen and make my bed . I have plans for lunch today , and also expect to hear from my eye surgeon 's office to see what time I am being scheduled to have the lasik surgery on my left eye on Friday . My house kind of looks not too neat today but maybe by lunch time , it will look better . I will be sewing again tomorrow , and am taking today off . I still need to put the first pre - surgery eye drop in ( four of those today and tomorrow ) . Also a shower is in order right after breakfast . Tonight is choir practice and supper at the church . Wednesdays are always busy . A big lambanging this morning startled me , and I still don 't know what it was . I thought at first it could be the garage door again . ( Last year the big spring broke at the top of the door and was replaced ) . I don 't know if it was an earthquake , a car hitting something or what it was . I may never know . Anyhow , that is what got me out of bed this morning . Well , friends and neighbors , that is about it for today . Much love to each of you , my friends and family . This is Blabbin ' Grammy signing off for today . Bye for now . More later . Posted by Well , I have been thinking over the past few days about what I would like to post when I can get around to it . My hands have been busy for the last little while , working on Teresa 's quilt and not really considering anyone would miss my ramblings . However , I got a reminder from a dear friend of mine that people do become concerned when they don 't hear from me . ( Imagine that ? ) I have begun assembling the quilt and yesterday I moved the sewing machine into the living room so that I can watch the big tevee as I work . Also , I am realizing that this quilt is going to have a lot of " character " . Character in a quilt is when it has flaws in the workmanship . Ha . The first strip I put together , I was not happy with the first time I stitched it together . I ripped it out twice and stitched it a third time , and still am not happy with it , but it will have to be as it is . I wanted perfect and am not getting it . I know it is because of the applique stitching around the pieces . Too late now . Three strips were assembled and I had pinned the fourth one when I quit at nine o ' clock last evening . I did stop for breakfast , and lunch / supper . I did have some wonderful company yesterday - me and the tevee . The Lord was with me as well , as always . I did not go out anywhere yesterday and will not do so today . Tomorrow , however , is another matter . I have plans to go to lunch with a friend of mine named Mitzi . Aren 't friends wonderful ? I don 't know her very well yet , since we just met a few weeks ago , but plan to get to know her better . I watched House last night , and enjoyed it again . Last season was not too good , but this one is better . I 'm looking forward to seeing The Closer when it returns for a new season the last of this month . The seasons are just too short for that one . The weather is turning cooler and I have put my electric blanket back on my bed . Not turning it on yet , but it is ready any time the weather turns cool enough . It is supposed to be near 80 today , but turning cooler tomorrow , with a cold front moving in . I enjoy staying in and sewing , and just kind of hibernating . We are still in a drought in northern Texas , and in some counties , they have placed a restriction on watering lawns to one time every two weeks until in March . According to the weatherman , we are eleven inches behind on rainfall this year . All the lakes and rivers are down . I reckon it is okay to announce that Andrew and Julia are expecting a little boy . ( Another adorable great grandchild , and we are all looking forward to welcoming him ! ) He will have two older sisters , that I know will probably have a great time with him . Congrats to all of them ! I love you all . I will love making a quilt for him , of course . Well , that is about all the news for today . I am going to go have some breakfast in a bit . This is Blabbin ' Grammy signing off for today . Much love to each of you , my friends and family . Bye for now . More later . ( Hi , Dot ! . . . love you ! ) Posted by Blogs are so much fun ! If you enjoy a blog entry , and would like to leave a comment , notice that at the bottom of each blog entry is are the words , " 0 comments " or " 2 comments " , reflecting how many comments people have made . Sometimes people comment on the entry , sometimes they even comment on each other 's comments ! Some polite rules for comments are no unkind words , say nice or humorous things or refrain from commenting , no profanity ( which I wouldn 't expect out of my friends , anyway ! ) , and don 't use other people 's last names , because some folks don 't like their names made public . To comment , just click on the " 0 comments " line , and it will take you to a place to comment . Write your comment in the space they provide . Then you have to " log in " . If you don 't have a google account , just click on the link to getting an account . It 's free . . . . will not cost you anything at all . After you write your comment and sign in , say , " Publish your comment " , and you 've blogged ! Enjoy ! |
This week , I had a bathroom commode replaced in my guest bathroom , ( so if you come to visit , you will have a place to use . . ha ) . On Monday , I went to Home Depot and met with the young man who did the work for me , so that we could get the new commode and get it here . So , as we were walking through the store , we started discussing the old commode and what to do with it . He said he would carry it off for me , or I could just keep it if I wanted to . I replied , " Hey , I could just put it in the yard and plant daisies in it ! " He said , " Yeah , you would soon have the Homeowner 's association meeting to discuss it . " Then I commented that would be nothing compared to the reaction I would get from family . A few minutes later , I just got so tickled , I started laughing out loud . A few of the other customers kind of looked at me like I was a little looney , because I was kind of by myself , since Scott had walked on ahead of me a ways . The more I thought about it the funnier it became as I pictured the commode sitting on my front lawn with flowers growing up through the seat . Ha ha ha ha . Anyway , Scott carried it off , so please don 't worry . ha . Yesterday , Scott came back and installed grab bars in the shower in my bathroom and the guest bathroom as well . Don 't those grab bars look really nice ? Well , I was able to use the grab bars this morning , and they are wonderful and make me feel so much safer while in and getting out of the tub . I have finished Teresa 's quilt ( one of them ) and am on to other projects during these pre - Christmas days . I have quite a few of them to do , and I reckon keeping busy keeps me out of trouble . Ha ( pretty much , that is ) . This morning , I am so hungry for Sausage gravy and biscuits , and I need to do some grocery shopping , so I am going to Le Peep 's this morning for breakfast , then on to Kroger 's for groceries . Yesterday afternoon was spent pressing cloth that I had laundered in preparation for some of my projects . Today is Wednesday , so I will be going to eat supper at the church and then staying for choir practice . I hope to get started on at least two of the projects today during the afternoon . Well , that is about it for today . It has turned cool here in northeast Texas , and I have turned the heat on in the house . I turn it off just before bedtime and turn on my electric blanket . Ahhhhhh ! I love a cool room and a warm bed . This is Blabbin ' Grammy signing off for today . Much love to each of you , my friends and family . Bye for now . More later . Well , I don 't know who wound up the most stuffed all over America . . . people or turkeys . . . but we were pretty full when the day was over . I am sure there are people out right now , shopping like there was no time left tomorrow to do any shopping , and for some of them , there probably won 't be . An interesting note . . . police are going to be on the lookout not only for drunk drivers but people driving like they are intoxicated because they are texting . ( My computer doesn 't recognize texting as a valid word . . . ha ) . Speaking of being stuffed , we certainly got our fill of food last evening . I tried to be very good and only had a thin slice of yummy chocolate bundt cake as dessert , and did not eat a lot of the supper , although it was very tasty . We celebrated two birthdays last evening because , even though it was not the actual birthdays but very close to them , it was an opportunity to do so , because most of the family was together . If we had had Teresa and Tom , and Emily and Ben , then it would have been complete . After we celebrated the birthdays with cake and gifts , we sat in the living room and told of some of the things we are grateful for . I can understand why people get depressed around holidays , because it would be so easy for me to do so . When you get together with family , you remember the ones who have gone on ahead of you . I miss my Dubby , and my siblings who have gone on , but especially Dubby . Here are some pictures from last evening . Well , there were lots more pictures taken , but these are some of the best . Needless to say , we had a good time . Carol did a beautiful , tasty supper with the help of others bringing some of the food . Everything was good , though . This is Blabbin ' Grammy signing off for now . Much love to each of you , my friends and family . Bye now . More later . Posted by I never know who I am going to meet . She was sitting alone with her head resting on her arms , and she looked quite worn out . I was in McDonald 's getting ready to have my usual Mickey D 's breakfast and looking for someone to give my extra apple pie . I decided to give it to her . She had two rolling suitcases sitting on the floor next to her and her coat was flung across her shoulders . When I offered the pie , she gladly took it and slowly ate it . She thanked me for it and said it hit the spot . I admit it . . . . I was quite curious about her ( so what else is new ? ha ) and so I struck up a conversation with her . She told me she had walked from the corner of Central and freeway 183 and had not slept much last night . I got the idea that she had spent the night there in Wal - mart and the more I talked to her , it became obvious that she is homeless . She revealed to me that she had once been an administrative assistant , and that her parents are both well - educated and successful and that she had laundry that needed to be done in the suitcases . It also became clear to me that she could very well have been tossed out on her ear by her parents . She said that she is following God 's directions in some job that He has for her to do , and that it is a secret that she can 't reveal . According to what I gleaned from her , she has some money that she uses sparingly for small meals and for doing her laundry . She appeared to be in her forties age - wise , and looked healthy enough to be working . Anybody that can walk as many miles as she apparently does , is able - bodied enough to hold a job . I told her that I guess if I were in her place I would be making a list of the jobs I could do and getting a newspaper to check the ads . That was when she said she was waiting for God 's directions in the secret project that he has for her to do . I did learn also that she is waiting to be approved for government assistance . But I was wondering how she is going to get that help if she has no permanent address . Hmmm . I wished her well with a " God Bless you " and left to do my Christmas shopping . This took place on Tuesday morning . Yesterday , my friend Wanda called me and asked if I would like to go to the Outback for lunch , and I said , " Sure ! " So we went and had a great time , laughing and talking . She and I are almost the same age , she being almost a year older than I . I had a yummy filet of steak , and a baked sweet potato . Last evening , I went over to Carol and Daryl 's and had some ( a small amount ) of Spaghetti and salad . Matt and Amy were there and Grammy Say , do you watch commercials ? A lot of people don 't , but I do . I find humor , pathos , silliness , and all the foibles of mankind in them . They are a miniscule picture of our society as it exists today . There is one that has just begun to be shown ( at least , I first noticed it the other day ) and it really bothers me . It is the commercial for the Audi and other automobiles in that group . A young man arrives home for the holidays , and as soon as he enters the house , it is empty , and the parents are just taking off for the holiday in their new automobile . The father looks at the mother and smiles , saying , " He 'll be just fine ! " Now , to me , that commercial is a sad commentary on our times . Families apart , each one going their own way , with no thought of others in their family . Thank God , it is not representative of all families , but the trend does seem to grow each year . I praise God that our family comes together instead of each going their own way . The people in the commercial are obviously wealthy . Hey , maybe that is the difference between them and my family . Another commercial that really bugs me is the one for Target , where the woman in red is exercising getting ready to shop , ( getting in shape so she can run over everyone else to get to the Black Friday bargains ) and then she screams , " IT 's here , it 's here ! " when she looks at the sale paper . PLEASE ! Give me a break ! What it all boils down to is : we are a nation of shoppers . . . give me , get me , I want . . . . I got to get this or that . . . . Oh , my I don 't have my shopping done . . . what can I get for ? . . . . We are a nation that is the wealthiest in the world and we are out to shop and get more . . . . do we want to look at pictures of people in the world who have nothing . . . who live in tents or on the streets with nothing ? No , it is too uncomfortable for us to see . Where am I going later today ? Christmas shopping . . . go figure . We have a Christmas Angel tree at church . I am buying gifts for a 12 year old little girl who would have nothing otherwise . It makes me feel a little better about others . The Lottie Moon Christmas offering will be getting something from me as well . I would urge each of you to do something for someone not in your family that is less fortunate than you . It will give you a measure of good feeling . This is Blabbin ' Grammy signing off for today . Much love to each of you , my friends and family . Bye for now . More later . Posted by Last evening , friend Joe and his sweet wife picked me up and took me with them to hear a group of country / bluegrass singers and pickers . It was really heartwarming to see and hear them . After they played the Star Spangled Banner , they ripped into Rocky Top . Now , anyone who has ever seen a University of Tennessee Football game knows that is the number one song played during a game , especially when UT scores a touchdown . During the week preceding a football game , fans get revved up when they hear it played on Tennessee radio stations . Hearing it played and sung last night just warmed the cockles of me heart . Made me feel like crying , too . Just for a bit , you understand . The group playing was honoring Decca Records who were a big producer of country and bluegrass music back in the 30 's , 40 's , 50 's , 60 's and 70 's . Music I grew up on and still love to this day . Along with others in the audience , I clapped enthusiastically , cheered , sang along , tapped my feet and just generally enjoyed the whole shebang . Today , I am going shopping at the mall with Carol . She will be here in a few minutes so I had better close this one off . Teresa is doing well and is able to walk without pain . Ain 't God Good ? This is Blabbin ' Grammy signing off for now . Much love to each of you , my friends and family . Bye for now . More later . Posted by Have you ever awakened crying or whimpering ? I did early this morning . Of course , I was dreaming . I remember the dream so clearly , even now . Yesterday , my head was itching from fall and winter dryness . Naturally , having been a teacher for twenty - eight years , the first thing I always think of when my head begins to itch is lice . I have never had them , but as a teacher I lived in fear of catching them . I used to have my beautician check my head when I would go in for a haircut and my head would be itchy . Anyway , that must have been on my mind when I went to sleep . I was dreaming that Dubby and I were in our home , and our heads began to be itchy . We discovered that a family had taken up residence in our home ( we must have had a large house , ha ha ) and there was a mother with three children . I thought at first that the kids had lice because they had these rough places on their heads . It turned out to be some kind of sores that were caused by allergies of some kind . But they were staying at our house , and it was meal time , and I was looking in my fridge and freezer for something to feed all of us . There was no meat , and when I looked for potatoes to prepare there were only a few - not enough to feed all six of us , and not much of anything else . I was beginning to feel desperate . . . that was when I woke up whimpering . Wow ! What a dream . There was much more to it but that was the main gist of it . ( Regarding the Occupiers of Dallas ) : When I was watching the news this morning , I saw that the police had moved in around midnight last night and emptied the camp outside City Hall . The city had given the occupiers notice to evacuate and some had already left . There were those who thought they had a long time to leave , so some left peacefully and about 18 others were arrested and carried off in squad cars . A huge amount of trash and a number of tents were left behind . Now there is a huge mess to clean up . Crime had begun to run rampant throughout the encampment . People were urinating in places that were not meant to be used as suOn to another subject : I have allergies to many things , and among them are colognes and perfumes . I can 't even go down the aisle in the store that has air fresheners and detergents without sneezing and wheezing . I get the fabric softeners that are unscented . When I get close to people that are wearing perfumes , colognes , etc . the same thing happens : I sneeze and then my nose begins to drip and run . It is very embarrassing when I am trying to sing in the choir room with the other members and my nose begins to drip and I stand there trying to stop it with my finger and thumb . Last night , I finally just had to go into another room and get some tissues and blow . Then I was able to come back in and take my place again . Of course , by then I was choking up . . . hard to sing when that happens too . Ha . Well , Teresa had her surgery yesterday and when I talked to her hubby , Tom , he said she was doing well ( in pain , but not intolerable ) , so I hope I will get to talk to her some time today . Today , I go back to the eye surgeon and hopefully will get the clear protective lens removed from my eye . It is very annoying , but necessary , I know . Thank you all for prayers on our behalf . I am also going to bake some " Lottie Moon Cookies " like those made by Lottie Moon , the missionary to China so many years ago . Any Baptist can tell you who Lottie Moon was . Every year we take up money to give to the Lottie Moon Christmas Offering to help our foreign missionaries . All the money collected goes into a fund to help them with their work and none of it goes to administration of the funds . Well , that is about it for today . This is Blabbin ' Grammy signing off for today . Much love to each of you , my friends and family . Bye for now . More later . Posted by I slept quite well last night , too . I had left my tevee on in my bedroom when I went to sleep and I woke up shortly after 1 : 00 a . m . when the power went off . I had gone to bed around 7 : 30 ( quite an early time for me , you know . ) So , I got up and walked through the house to see if all the lights in the neighborhood were off , and they were . ( Yes , I have been living here long enough to walk through the house in the dark without running into anything ) . So I sat down in my recliner to wait for the power to come back on . It was not but about fifteen minutes till the lights were back on , and I went back to bed then . Today is Wednesday , which is always a busy day for me . I go to a Psalms Bible Study at Countryside Bible Church this morning and then this afternoon ( or evening rather ) I go eat at the Woodland Heights Baptist where I am a member , and then have choir practice . In the middle of the day , I usually am busy quilting or some other activity . I will probably trek to the library today and exchange my books for more . My reading has been somewhat suffering lately because of my left eye vision being rather blurry . It kind of messes up my binocular capabilities . Weather is supposed to turn cool again today . Teresa is having her knee surgery today , so please keep her in your thoughts and prayers . I appreciate it and I know she will , too . The protestors are still in Occupation of Dallas . I defend the right of citizens to protest , but I think these people are carrying the protest too far . Many of them are hiding behind masks . I think if a person is going to protest against something , they should have the chutzpah to stand up and be counted as him ( or her ) self . I also think many of them are not really there to be protesting but because they think of it as a lark , and have nothing else to do . ( In other words , not everyone there truly believes in the cause ) . A lot of criminal acts have taken place in these occupations , and a tent city like they have actually is a breeding place for criminal activities . Well , the minutes are paGrammy Well , I reckon that the weather is going to be getting cooler . The leaves on the trees are beginning to turn brown . They were pretty for a couple of weeks . I am hoping that it will be getting so cold that all the rabble rousers who are camped near city hall in Dallas will be driven indoors somewhere else . I know that a lot of riffraff has joined the idiots who are " occupying " Dallas and other cities . A lot of them seem to have the same ideals as those who were affiliated with ACORN , which is supposedly extinct . There are a number of homeless persons who have joined those in the tent city . I feel for them , but I am convinced they are just there for the shelter . It is alarming to see how they all form a mob of ranters and lawlessness . Here is the recipe for old fashioned raisin pie , which came from the back of a commodity box of raisins over forty years ago . By the way , the pan came back empty after the supper last night . 2 c . water Bring water to boiling , add raisins ; cover and cook for 5 minutes . Mix sugar and flour ; stir into raisins . Lower to medium heat . Cook , stirring constantly , until mixture boils . Cook one minute . Remove from heat . Stir in lemon juice and add nuts , if used . Let cool a little bit ( maybe five minutes ) . Pour into unbaked pie crust . I like to make a lattice top crust . I do this by cutting top crust into strips and then weave it as I place it on top of pie . You will need to do this quickly because the heat from the mixture will cause the crust to get very soft . Start in the middle of the crust and work outward . When you have placed top crust on pie , bake for 30 minutes or until crust is browned . YUM ! Well , that is it for today . I have a lot of sewing projects going right now as Christmas gifts , so time is getting short . This is Blabbin ' Grammy signing off for now . Much love to each of you , my friends and family . Bye for now . More later . Well , they say a person can 't be real trusting of others and I guess I discovered that for myself ( again ) today . After Sunday School this morning , I had a need to stop off in the ladies " necessary " room . We have a traditional service at 8 : 15 , then everyone has Sunday School . So , I was about ready to leave the church . I hate to take my pocketbook and Bible and choir folder into the stall with me , so I just leave it on the wash basin and pick it up after I wash my hands . Well , I decided to have a KFC snack ( one piece of chicken / one side dish with a biscuit ) and proceeded to KFC . I got there and opened my purse to take out my little change purse / credit card holder . LO and behold , it was missing . I thought back over the morning and realized I must have taken it out in the classroom to remove the little eye drop packet I had to take with me . ( Eye drops every hour ) so I went back to the church and searched in the classroom . It wasn 't there . I proceeded to the back pew where I had been sitting during church - not there either . Then on out and into the rest room . There next to the wall , and on the basin sat my credit card holder / purse . With great relief , I picked it up and came back out into the atrium . A couple of ladies that are friends of mine were sitting there and I told them about my plight , and said , " thank goodness , I found it " . I opened it then and saw my credit cards were okay , and then opened the other part of it , and saw that the cash I had in it was gone . I am not sure how much of it I had , but it was at least $ 40 . 00 and could have been as much as 60 . Apparently that was all they took . I am fortunate that they didn 't have time ( apparently ) to take my credit cards . I guess they were just after fast cash . ( I guess the temple that Jesus cleansed was not the only one with thieves and robbers , eh ? ) Well , that was my little misadventure of today . I made the raisin pie last evening and am making the squash casserole after while . I have a couple of hours before I need to begin that . This is Blabbin ' Grammy signing off for today . Much love to each of you , my friends and family . Bye for now . More later . Posted by Well , it has been a few long days since I last posted . I have been doing a lot of eye drops . Three kinds had to be dropped in four times a day , and another kind had to be dropped in every hour that I was awake . There were also goggles which fit closely to my face and had to be worn at night to protect my operated eye . I have been sleeping in my recliner and not doing too badly at that . Some times when I awakened I didn 't know where I was at first ( disoriented , so to speak ) and it took a few seconds to figure out that I wasn 't in bed . During the day , I was busy sewing , making a baby quilt for Andrew and Julia 's new baby ( not here yet ) boy . On Monday , Mitzi picked me up and we went to eat with the seniors at Cotton Patch Cafe . That was the last day I was out of the house until yesterday , when I drove for the first time and went to spend some time with Julia and their two little girls , Alyssa and Brooke . I got to hold them and read to them . Andrew was just getting up from sleeping to go to work . I am so glad that Julia is able to be a stay at home Mom for their children . She is a really great mom . I went to the eye surgeon today so he could check my eyes and have the clear protective contact lens removed from the operated eye . OOPS . . . not healed enough yet to remove the contact lens , so I have another appointment for next Thursday . It still is about ten percent lacking in being healed . On my way back from Dr . Ranelle 's office , I stopped at Kroger 's for groceries , and some more of the drops that I have to use every hour . I also bought a pair of sunglasses to help me see driving in the sunshine . Our church is having a Thanksgiving supper on Sunday evening , and that way members will be free to celebrate Thanksgiving together without worrying about getting together closer to the actual holiday . I am going to be making a squash casserole and an old = fashioned raisin pie . Yum ! On last Saturday morning , I ordered an embroidery sewing machine and it arrived on Tuesday by UPS . I unpacked it , but haven 't set it up yet . Right now , I have two work tables in my living room , each with a machine on them . I still have to read the instruction books and clear off a place to set it up as I read . Well , my appetite tells me that lunch time has come and gone , and I need to prepare something to eat . I think I may have a tomato , mayo , onion , cheese sandwich . Chicken for supper sounds good , too . I will probably be sewing this afternoon . I hope to spend some time today or tomorrow visiting with Teresa on Skype . I also hope to go to a yard sale sometime this weekend with Carol . On Tuesday , I had a piece of furniture from the yard sale delivered to my home . It is a sewing machine cabinet that must be fifty years old . They removed the machine because I did not want it ; I just wanted the cabinet which I will be using as a desk for my guest bedroom . It will be a good place to do my Bible Studying and teaching preparation . Well , that is about it for today . This is Blabbin ' Grammy signing off for today . Much love to each of you , my friends and family . I would appreciate your prayers on behalf of Teresa , who is having knee surgery to repair some torn ligaments on Monday of next week . I know she would as well . Thank you so very much . Thank you for the prayers lifted up in my behalf as well . Bye for now . More later . Posted by Well , I am in " recovery mode " and seem to be doing pretty well . There is some pain in my operated eye , but Tylenol works really well . Didn 't really need the hydrocodone that was prescribed for pain . After all , a tough old bird doesn 't really need the high pain control . Ha . Thank the Lord that I have a high pain tolerance ! I have been sewing some , but discovered last evening that since I can 't really see with both eyes , I need to wait a few days before resuming a lot of sewing . For one thing , I am staying busy just putting eyedrops into my eyes . I have three different drops that must be put in four times a day , and I have to wait at least five minutes between drops . There are other eye drops that must be put in each hour to keep my eye moistened . Speaking of pains . . . what a pain that is ! Ha . I have a clear contact lens in my operated eye , and that lens will be removed when I return on Friday morning to the doctor so he can remove it . If it comes out before then , I am to immediately notify them so I can get it replaced . I haven 't tried driving yet , but will do so on Friday to return to the doctor . My repairman , Scott , will be returning sometime today to repair the leaky commode in my guest bathroom . He did a super job on the garage ceiling , and I am so thankful for that . My sleeping in the recliner has been going fairly well . I can sleep as much and as well in the recliner as I have been sleeping in my bed , thank goodness ! Mitzi is coming by this afternoon to take me to eat with the seniors . We are going to the Cotton Patch Cafe for supper . Are you coping well with the time change back to Standard Time ? It doesn 't make a great deal of difference to me , except for the earlier darktime . I really do love the Daylight Savings Time , though . Well , that is about it for today . More rest today , I guess . I need to fold clothes from laundry I did the other day , and will do that after breakfast . Right now , I need to do the eye drops . This is Blabbin ' Grammy signing off for today . Much love to each of you , my friends and family . Bye for now . More later . Posted by Well , I have been to the eye surgery today and it was not a bad or unpleasant experience . The people were wonderful at the surgery , and the doctor was really quite excellent at what he does . He is a very nice person , too . When I went back to have the surgery ( into the surgery suite ) , they gave me a Valium to calm my nerves and I expected to really feel the effects of it - you know that calm all over feeling of drowsiness when you are on a sedative - ha ! no effect as far as I could tell . But that is okay . . didn 't even feel sleepy when I got back home . They helped me to lie down on the narrow padded bed thingy , and he taped my eyelids down so they would be out of the way , and put a shield over the non - operative eye . Then he inserted a clamp under my eyelids to keep my eye open . Next he proceeded to use the laser to remove as much of the epithelial cells as he could . Then he stopped a couple of times and we went out into an examining room so that he could check the results . Then back into the surgery room to continue with the same procedure , until he got what he felt was the best results . He washed my eye with saline solution , and added more drops of medication , and finally put the clear contact lens into my eye , which will remain for a week . Tomorrow morning , Carol will return with me for him to check my eye , and I have three eye drops that must be used four times a day , along with eye drops that must be used every hour while I am awake . Of course , that doesn 't count the eye drops that I used each night before bed time for my Glaucoma . I am going to be " dropped out " before all this is over . Ha ha . So far my eye is not causing me any pain to speak of . I do have some Hydrocodone if I need it , but will probably be taking only regular stuff for pain . They gave me some really cool protective eyewear for night time . I feel like I should have a scarf around my neck to protect me against the wind when I am piloting a little pre - world war II airplane . Don 't I look really cool ? Ha . Yeah , I just had to have Carol take my picture . I couldn 't pass up the opportunity . You know me . . . Ha ha . Carol did the drive through thing at KFC for our lunch , and brought me home and got me settled for my lunch , then went home to fix lunch for Daryl . He is on thGrammy Well , it was another escape for me , I know . Thank you , Jesus ! The LORD is good , all the time . I wasn 't actually under it , but I could have been , because it could have happened anytime I was in the garage . It just happened yesterday morning while I was still in bed , around 6 a . m . Yeah , if you read my posting yesterday , you know that I heard a big ka - whomp ! and didn 't know what it was when I was posting . I had gone out to the garage before posting and looked at the huge spring over my garage door , thinking it could have broken again like it did last year . But that wasn 't it . So I went out to the garage again after I posted , just to look around again . I happened to look over at the ceiling of the garage and saw the big gaping hole in the drywall ceiling . GASP ! Yep , like I said , it could have happened as easily while I was under it , either getting into or out of my car . The falling plasterboard grazed the side of my car but doesn 't seem to have damaged it . Of course , after moving some of the plasterboard that was lying beside my car , I went inside and got my camera . No need to waste a Canon Power Shot moment , was there ? Ha . I called Carol and she and Daryl came over and cleared a bit of it away and then Daryl called a friend of his who does this kind of work and is out of work right now . So , Scott ( his friend ) and Daryl came over around 11 : 30 and we made arrangements for Scott to do the work . He is supposed to come over around 1 : 00 this afternoon and work on it . He would probably have come this morning , but I have errands to run today . Yesterday , my friend , Mitzi , and I went to lunch at the Cotton Patch Cafe and she is going to come by for me on Monday to take me out to eat supper with the seniors . Isn 't that sweet of her ? We had a really nice time getting acquainted and just generally having a gabfest . It was very good . Yesterday , I got a phone call and as usual , didn 't know who he was on the other end when he asked for Ruby . ( me ) I said , " You got her ! " He identified himself as Casey from Texas Toyota where I take my car to be serviced . I said " yes ? " He very meekly asked , " Would you like to buy a new vehicle ? " He took me by surprise asking me that , and I laughed and said , " I reckon not , but thanks for calling . " He said , " okay " and we disconnected . I thought to myself that I bet he doesn 't sell many cars with an approach like that . He didn 't even give me any kind of sales pitch . He kind of acted like the fellow on radio who was a traveling salesman on a show . He would knock and say , " Nobody home , I hope , I hope , I hope ! " I don 't remember the character 's name . Maybe some of you all do . ( It was a radio show from the 1940 's , folks ) . Today , a visit to Walmart , to the Library and to Kroger 's , in that order . I am going to have a sausage , egg biscuit for my breakfast and a late lunch , early supper . Which reminds me , I need to take some chicken from the freezer and put it in the fridge to thaw to cook for supper . I plan to be out of the house in about thirty minutes . Lasik surgery on my eye in the morning is taking place . Thank you for the prayers that I know will be going up in my behalf . Cold weather has hit Texas , and it is supposed to be down to freezing tonight . I am going to leave the heat off as long as it is comfortable . I have pretty good insulation in my house . Well , that is about it for Blabbin ' Grammy today . Much love to each of you , my friends and family . Bye for now . More later . Posted by Well , I am posting some pictures of first four rows of quilt so that those of you who are interested can view it . I am hoping to get it finished by Thanksgiving . I think I have a handle on it now . I am posting three pics . One of left side , one of right side , and a longwise pic of the four rows from the end . The final eight rows will be a repeat of the first four two times . I call it a zig - zag quilt . This morning I have been up long enough to clean my kitchen and make my bed . I have plans for lunch today , and also expect to hear from my eye surgeon 's office to see what time I am being scheduled to have the lasik surgery on my left eye on Friday . My house kind of looks not too neat today but maybe by lunch time , it will look better . I will be sewing again tomorrow , and am taking today off . I still need to put the first pre - surgery eye drop in ( four of those today and tomorrow ) . Also a shower is in order right after breakfast . Tonight is choir practice and supper at the church . Wednesdays are always busy . A big lambanging this morning startled me , and I still don 't know what it was . I thought at first it could be the garage door again . ( Last year the big spring broke at the top of the door and was replaced ) . I don 't know if it was an earthquake , a car hitting something or what it was . I may never know . Anyhow , that is what got me out of bed this morning . Well , friends and neighbors , that is about it for today . Much love to each of you , my friends and family . This is Blabbin ' Grammy signing off for today . Bye for now . More later . Posted by Well , I have been thinking over the past few days about what I would like to post when I can get around to it . My hands have been busy for the last little while , working on Teresa 's quilt and not really considering anyone would miss my ramblings . However , I got a reminder from a dear friend of mine that people do become concerned when they don 't hear from me . ( Imagine that ? ) I have begun assembling the quilt and yesterday I moved the sewing machine into the living room so that I can watch the big tevee as I work . Also , I am realizing that this quilt is going to have a lot of " character " . Character in a quilt is when it has flaws in the workmanship . Ha . The first strip I put together , I was not happy with the first time I stitched it together . I ripped it out twice and stitched it a third time , and still am not happy with it , but it will have to be as it is . I wanted perfect and am not getting it . I know it is because of the applique stitching around the pieces . Too late now . Three strips were assembled and I had pinned the fourth one when I quit at nine o ' clock last evening . I did stop for breakfast , and lunch / supper . I did have some wonderful company yesterday - me and the tevee . The Lord was with me as well , as always . I did not go out anywhere yesterday and will not do so today . Tomorrow , however , is another matter . I have plans to go to lunch with a friend of mine named Mitzi . Aren 't friends wonderful ? I don 't know her very well yet , since we just met a few weeks ago , but plan to get to know her better . I watched House last night , and enjoyed it again . Last season was not too good , but this one is better . I 'm looking forward to seeing The Closer when it returns for a new season the last of this month . The seasons are just too short for that one . The weather is turning cooler and I have put my electric blanket back on my bed . Not turning it on yet , but it is ready any time the weather turns cool enough . It is supposed to be near 80 today , but turning cooler tomorrow , with a cold front moving in . I enjoy staying in and sewing , and just kind of hibernating . We are still in a drought in northern Texas , and in some counties , they have placed a restriction on watering lawns to one time every two weeks until in March . According to the weatherman , we are eleven inches behind on rainfall this year . All the lakes and rivers are down . I reckon it is okay to announce that Andrew and Julia are expecting a little boy . ( Another adorable great grandchild , and we are all looking forward to welcoming him ! ) He will have two older sisters , that I know will probably have a great time with him . Congrats to all of them ! I love you all . I will love making a quilt for him , of course . Well , that is about all the news for today . I am going to go have some breakfast in a bit . This is Blabbin ' Grammy signing off for today . Much love to each of you , my friends and family . Bye for now . More later . ( Hi , Dot ! . . . love you ! ) Posted by Blogs are so much fun ! If you enjoy a blog entry , and would like to leave a comment , notice that at the bottom of each blog entry is are the words , " 0 comments " or " 2 comments " , reflecting how many comments people have made . Sometimes people comment on the entry , sometimes they even comment on each other 's comments ! Some polite rules for comments are no unkind words , say nice or humorous things or refrain from commenting , no profanity ( which I wouldn 't expect out of my friends , anyway ! ) , and don 't use other people 's last names , because some folks don 't like their names made public . To comment , just click on the " 0 comments " line , and it will take you to a place to comment . Write your comment in the space they provide . Then you have to " log in " . 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Two years ago , I came across a post shared by a friend of mine on Facebook . This post was from the point of view of a parent , giving other parents tips so that typical children would understand how to best interact with their disabled child . Many of the tips were great , but a few really made me uneasy having been that disabled child , once upon a time . So , I spoke to my friend privately and we had a great conversation about how she could best support disabled people in her family . It was that conversation that led me to create Tonia Says . I realize there are plenty of blog posts that pre - date July 29 , 2014 , but those were extras from another social media site that I didn 't want to lose . The actual original Tonia Says content started on that date . I really want you all to know how much I appreciate and value you . It means the world whether you have come here for community or to learn more . I 'm glad you 're here . It was mentioned beforehand , but it seemed to reach new heights . I got approached in the halls of my university by a fellow classmate who wanted to pray for my healing . I allowed it , not yet comfortable with saying no . When this didn 't work , the student didn 't make me feel guilty or wrong , and in fact , we formed a small friendship and I went to church with him a few times . Once I left college , though , things picked up again . Being home meant being back at The Edge . I was dealing with many personal issues at the time , and I often didn 't want to leave the house to go to church . It was fall , and that meant the coming of winter , and my ever - present anniversary reaction to nearly losing my sister . At the time I wrote : The meeting itself was not particularly memorable for me , but it was the time afterward where we worshipped that stuck in my mind . I had been seated at the end of a pew to one side of the sanctuary , and when the music started , I stood up . I 'm short enough that had I remained seated , my view of the song lyrics would have been completely blocked by taller people . " . . . Thank you … " I said hesitantly , just wanting her to go on her way . I knew if God really was speaking to her , He would have likely shared with her the darkness that had existed over my life for the past months and years . She might have said : " All your prayers are going to be answered , and you won 't be afraid of losing those closest to you anymore . " " All your prayers will be answered and you won 't feel horrible about yourself . " " All your prayers will be answered because you will know you are enough just as you are . " I tried to go back to worshipping , but I felt tense . Watched . And , frankly , more than a little offended . It seemed that every time I attended an event like this , someone somewhere was convinced that all my hopes and dreams rode on being healed physically . In spite of encountering people like this woman many times over the years , I had begun to nurture a small amount of respect for myself . A small amount of love . It was for all of me , CP included . But it was hard to keep when so many who were older and held more authority said things that made me feel inferior . So I moved . I always felt more free in the open floor space at the front of the sanctuary , not confined to the area where pews blocked me . So I walked up there , in an effort to hide in plain sight . If she looked for me again in the pews , I wouldn 't be there . I would be up front dancing . In turned out that after her second time harassing me about how mobile I was without my mobility aids , she had spoken to Liam . Told him that she had been trying to pray for me , I guess , and that I seemed not to want it . Liam , having been at the healing conference two years previously , and having seen its disastrous impacts on me , cautioned her . He told her ( you guessed it ) that God loved me the way I was and I didn 't have to do anything to earn it . After that , I was done . I was angry . I was hurt . All I wanted was to be able to do what everyone else there was freely doing : praying and worshipping God in peace . I wanted to be left alone . I wanted to be respected . But instead , I felt like I could not show my face at church events because I would be bombarded by people who wanted to make a spectacle of me , heal me or tell me how much I " inspired " them . There was usually an open door in the sanctuary that led outside . Though it was dark out , and not the warmest , I pressed my back against the outside of the building and looked up at the sky just trying to breathe . Just trying to be . To rekindle that little bit of self - love I had managed to ignite in the face of so many voices telling me the opposite . Six months later , I was at another church where Liam 's Christian band was leading worship . A sign greeted me when I got there , informing me that the elevator was out of order . There was someone already aware and working to fix the problem . However , the sanctuary was downstairs . I didn 't know how long the repairs would take . And so , I turned to the flight of stairs . I was descending the steps more slowly than usual , because they were unfamiliar and I didn 't want to lose my footing and fall . A friend was at my side , which was a nice bit of reassurance . It just so happened that halfway down , on the landing between the two flights of stairs , there was a Bible study going on . I tried to proceed as quietly as possible , not talking or drawing any extra attention to myself . Just as I got to the landing between the two flights of stairs , the conversation completely stopped . The guy leading the Bible study stared hard at me and said , in an accusatory tone , " You know , there 's an elevator . " I kept my voice quiet , and my tone respectful of this stranger . He stared at me until I started down the second flight of stairs . The silence was obvious behind me , but once I was out of sight , I heard him clearly , telling his group : I tried to put the instance out of my mind and instead focused on the worship that was starting . I knew right away that I wanted to stand up and worship . As long as there was a chair behind me , I could do it with no problems . As long as I stood still , I could be on my feet , with no support from anything . It was a challenge , but I could do it , and I loved doing it . Being able to both stand and raise my hands during worship felt so freeing . So , that 's what I was doing , second row from the front , so there was a chair to grab if I needed to catch my balance . I was right by the aisle , so I could easily come and go , without disrupting many people . Then , the pastor started talking about healing . I panicked , remembering the healing and deliverance conference three years ago . I kept standing , thinking this was the way I would seem the most unobtrusive . I hoped no one would see my crutches lying by my feet or even remember that I had them . Despite all of this , I felt that my being there at all was drawing unwanted attention . I had not moved . I had not gone forward . I had not raised a hand to signal anyone over to me , but just like that , two women had materialized . A younger woman on one side of me , and an older one on the other side . I was trapped . " It actually really bothers me when people come to pray for me and automatically pray for the obvious . . . my legs . There are other things going on in my life . It 's frustrating that in church , I 'm only something to fix . " I told the younger woman sitting beside me . But I held back . She was a total stranger . I had never met her before . Not the time to admit to an array of mental health issues . I knew what was coming . I knew they 'd surround me . People I didn 't know would touch my legs . They 'd pray and their prayers would get louder and louder , and then they 'd give up . And it would be on me . [ Image is : A black and white photo of my crutches on the ground and my legs and feet . A hand is hovering above , ready to descend on my legs in prayer . Photo credit : My sis . ] I picked up my crutches and walked away . As this was an unfamiliar part of town , I didn 't feel comfortable standing outside , so I hid out in the bathroom for the rest of the message . I knew the only reason I was not being accosted was that I locked myself in . I felt angry and sad that again , I could not exist in a space that was supposed to feel safe . I didn 't know why similar things just kept happening , no matter where I was . It happened over and over , at The Edge and other churches . People basically forcing themselves on me because they were so intent to see God heal me . It felt beyond scary . It made me panic . Remove myself from situations . Experiencing this one time would have been more than enough . Would have been damaging enough . I naively thought , though , if I didn 't " ask for it , " it would stop . But it had been years , and it wasn 't stopping . Outside the door , people I knew were getting prayer . Friends were getting prayer . And I wanted that for them . I wanted to be free to go up to the front of the room and join in prayer for them . Instead , I was paralyzed by anxiety . I knew that by simply existing , I was an eyesore to be appraised and repaired . I still remember flipping through the Bible on my own time and stumbling upon Isaiah 40 : 1 . The moment I first read the passage , I knew it was my calling . People at The Edge called such things their " life verse . " When I first came to The Edge , Liam had called me a prayer warrior . It looked to him like I was drawn to pray for many people . In reality , though , I had been drawn by their distress . I laid a hand on their backs not to fix what was wrong but to let them know someone was behind them . Someone was with them . Someone saw their tears . Someone knew they were hurting . Someone cared . I wanted to comfort them in their time of need . I was too familiar with how it felt to go through dark times essentially alone and I wanted to extend that support to others . And frankly , there was nothing comforting in being told that I was a distraction , or that I was broken . I was meant to exist the way God made me . Disability included . It is beyond special to be able to spend time with " your people . " Whomever they are , it 's a rare gift to be in the same space in a given moment . To be able to feel unselfconscious about walking or crawling , about being in your chair , or out of your chair . About being . Perhaps , you remember back in December , that I posted for the first time about the novelty of this . That it was like looking in a mirror to see my own features , hallmarks of CP , reflected back in the face of a young friend . Tonight , they came back . As with many things , it 's not what we do that matters , just that we are together while doing it . A highlight for me , this time , was sharing a favorite book from my childhood ( Shel Silverstein 's Where The Sidewalk Ends ) and reading it aloud together . Laughing and talking about the pictures , and repeated words and phrases . About how we want to always make sure to take the garbage out , thanks to Sara Cynthia Sylvia Stout , who never took it out . ( The stench caused her neighbors to move away . ) We watched movies and TV . There was coloring and piano - playing and exclaiming over the accessible shower , the kitchen , the apartment in general . We wished they could stay longer . ( Read : forever . ) Oh , we wished . But for a few hours we got the magic of these moments to hold close to us . For a few hours , it was okay to say " My leg really hurts . " It was okay to crawl . To get down on the floor . To grab a chair for balance because you do " Whatever you have to do to survive . " Community is so important . If you are lucky enough to have it close by , don 't take it for granted . It is the most precious thing to feel unencumbered . To feel free just to be . To offer suggestions , solutions . To say , " Me , too . " I 'm pretty sure I surprised everyone I loved when I told them my plans to go to Costa Rica with a small missions team just four months after the disastrous healing and deliverance conference . But in the ensuing months , I threw myself into the goal of going on this trip . I got a passport for the first time , wrote support letters to get the funding I needed , and went to planning meetings for months prior to the trip . Our great - grandma was so opposed to Tara and me going on this trip that our great - grandpa had to sneak us a $ 20 bill to put toward the cost , without her knowing . In truth , going on a trip like this was a necessary distraction for me . In last few months , I had become depressed and more insecure than ever after I 'd been blamed for my own lack of physical healing . I felt like I had done nothing in my quest to live for God . Costa Rica gave me something to focus on . Costa Rica was someplace tangible that I could go , and maybe make a difference . It made me not have to ask the billions of questions that were usually required before I went anywhere , relating to accessibility . If Mike could get around there , if Mike could help there , I could , too . We both had manual chairs and enough upper body strength to propel ourselves . This alone was such a relief . It also meant nobody from The Edge even questioned if I could go . Mike was my good friend Sally 's uncle . She , as the leader of Costa Rica team , had seen her uncle do all kinds of things and knew he ( and therefore I ) was plenty capable . Once in Costa Rica , Mike shared his testimony with us and warned me about the steep sidewalks . When I got too close to the edge and flipped off the sidewalk into the grass one day , when Mike was just ahead of me , he simply turned and asked over his shoulder , " You okay ? " sounding perfectly confident that I was . Contrary to making me feel like Mike didn 't care , his casual reaction made me sure that disability was normal in this place . That he had likely flipped off this particular stretch of sidewalk himself before , and was none the worse for wear . Someone helped me right my chair . I got back in , and just kept going . Upon arriving at the children 's home , I discovered that Mike 's presence had an impact on the kids , too . The minute I got off the bus and into my wheelchair , all the kids surrounded me and were impressed that I was " like Mike " . Right away , one school - aged child asked me what was wrong with my legs . While my Spanish language comprehension was such that I could understand most of what was said , my speaking ability was not up to par . I had no idea how to explain to an eight year old in Spanish what Cerebral Palsy was and how it affected me . I looked to Sally ( more fluent after taking long - term trips to Costa Rica herself ) for some help . Approaching the little girl , Sally said honestly in Spanish , " I don 't know how to explain it well . It just is . But it 's not a problem for her , " which the child accepted and we moved on . The first few days , I was given food preparation or household construction jobs , which I attempted , but was not great at . Eventually , I found my niche with the kids . My wheelchair was a child - magnet . Some liked to push me in it . Some liked to play peek - a - boo from behind it . Some liked to stand on my foot pedals while I held onto them and someone else pushed us slowly around the room . Once or twice , I got out of my chair in front of the kids to be on their level . [ Image is : Me , out and about in my teal wheelchair in Costa Rica . I 'm dressed in a tan hat , a navy blue tee shirt , tan capri pants , socks , tennis shoes and a black fanny pack . I am smiling . There was actually a child pushing me in the original picture , but I have cropped them out of the image for privacy reasons . ] I still remember vividly an afternoon like this , when I was playing on the floor with some kids . Sally was nearby , and we both heard a boy use a Spanish word we were unfamiliar with , while looking at me . I could tell by the expression on her face that she and I were both thinking the same thing : that this kid had just used some kind of Spanish ableist slur against me . In addition to Mike , there was also a five - year - old boy , Nico , who was disabled as well . I had seen him from a distance working with therapists on walking and other physical activities . Though it was evident that Nico needed adaptive equipment of some sort to move around more freely , he did not currently have any , so he was largely dependent on adults to help him move place to place . Otherwise , as the previous child observed , Nico crawled . I spotted Nico , in a crib against one wall . It was a startling thing to see : this tall , lanky five - year - old in a crib like a baby . It was too small for him . But I rationalized at the time that perhaps he was resting , and if so , he would not have been safe in a bed . " Hey , " I greeted in Spanish . " How are you ? " Nico smiled . It was definitely his best feature . Broad and dimpled , complete with missing teeth . " Do you want to see what I have ? " I asked , trying in vain to think of what I could say to him vocabulary - wise . I was not unsure of his comprehension , but again , of my own Spanish - speaking ability . The other kids loved it when I showed them what I had with me in my fanny pack , especially the picture of my youngest brother , who was just Nico 's age . It was nothing special . Just a tan baseball cap from Old Navy with an American flag in lieu of a sports logo . I 'd had it for around a year , and even though I had only been in Costa Rica for a week , the hat was already marked by reddish Costa Rican dirt and little fingerprints from the kids , who loved trying it on . In response , Nico pulled himself up to stand , holding onto the crib railing . Then , he grinned at me again . He was dressed in a school uniform : a pale blue dress shirt with a collar , black dress shorts , socks and dress shoes . In my hat , I felt sure , he would be even cuter . So I took it off , and put it on his head , smiling . " Do you like it ? " I asked . " You look very nice in it . " Reaching up with one hand , still using the other to balance , Nico took my hat off his head , and threw it on the ground . " Oh no ! " I exclaimed , with a smile . Nico laughed uproariously , thrilled at the game he had created . The next thing I know , Nico was reaching for it . I learned forward and ducked out of the hat . Then , he tossed it on the floor again . Laughed again . Over and over , we did this . Nico even started mimicking the way I said " Oh no ! " when my hat would sail through the air . It reminded me of something my own brother would have done . Our disabilities were not something we ignored . We obviously had them . Mine meant I was not able to lift Nico out of the crib , for example , but had to wait for someone else to help us . His disability meant that he had been at the children 's home for much longer than any of the other kids , because no Costa Rican family , as yet , was prepared to adopt him - and out of country adoptions were not an option there . For both of us , they meant that we stayed inside while all the kids played soccer . A few days after that , we had to leave . We stopped by the houses to say goodbye to the kids , but Nico was not there . He was often on a different schedule than the other children so it was not unheard of that he would not be where they were . Still , my heart broke that I would not be able to say goodbye to him . On the bus as we rode to the airport , I could not contain my sadness . Most kids , I knew , were able to reunite with their birth families , or be adopted somewhere between six months and a year 's time . Nico had already exceeded the average child 's stay by two and a half times . I knew , being disabled , Nico would likely remain at the children 's home for a very long time . I hated that Nico 's disability was the reason he 'd been there for so long . I hated that he was so largely separated from the other kids . That he had to suffer the indignity of being in a crib too small for him in the middle of the day , when all the other children were outside playing . How fair was it that this great kid would probably never have a home ? Would never be wanted ? The truth was , I wanted him . I wanted him very much , and though I was only nineteen years old , I naively felt that because I knew Spanish I could keep his culture alive for him . In my heart , I knew that being disabled myself would not be a hindrance , it would be a help . Because I could teach Nico how to adapt . I could show him that being disabled was okay , even though the world still told me regularly that it was not okay . I would make it so for this boy . My desires and hopes to adopt Nico myself were futile and I knew that . Costa Rican laws were very clear . I had to leave , and leave Nico , but a piece of my heart remained behind . It 's been fifteen years since I have rolled on Costa Rican soil . Since I have experienced the intense humidity , the rain every afternoon , the inky black nights , the breathtaking mountains and sunsets . Since I have seen Nico . But every so often , over the years , I have gotten an email from Mike and his wife , letting me know the latest news on their family , the children 's home , and the children who live there . All of the ones I got to know moved on quickly after we left , but Nico remained . And every so often we got an update on him : It 's difficult to articulate just how powerful it is to have had the opportunity to not only travel overseas , but to serve alongside and spend time with people who were like me . To not be the only one who was different . For the kids and the adults to have a context for disability , to understand that it was not a bad thing , just something to consider . There is something so amazing about having a role model . Mike was that for me in Costa Rica . His voice had just much weight as his wife 's voice . We respected them equally . And Nico 's presence was just as important . To be able to be there and spend time with a child like I had once been . To spend time with a kid who never even cared about the wheelchair or why I had it or admonished other kids to " be careful " when they pushed me . He just wanted to play . " This what ? " I asked . Less than a year after being saved , and immersing myself in church culture at The Edge , and there were still many things I was unfamiliar with . It wasn 't romantic . It was just . . . he wanted me to come with him . He wanted me , not someone else . He sought me out . People didn 't do that . People , I had found , didn 't adapt . They weren 't accepting . No one sought out the girl who took more time than everyone else to walk places . No one sought out the girl who meant they 'd have to think about accessibility . Entrances and exits . Elevators . But Liam was different . He cared . He cared to get to know me . He cared about what mattered to me . He cared when I was struggling . He did something about it when I was struggling . WALK BY FAITH : That night , as the events of the evening wrapped up , the pastor called up people who wanted prayer . It was an auditorium - style room and full , to boot . Many people wanted prayer . Many got up and went forward . Immediately , I heard noises . Yelling . Screaming . Crying . People fell . It all sounded very intense to me . Still , I was drawn to the front of the room , in the area between a large stage and the front row of auditorium seats . On the way to the conference , Liam and I had talked more about it . About the possibility of my own healing . It sounded fantastical to be honest , but Liam really believed it could happen . He seemed to want it to happen . It was this thought that had me on my feet , and walking slowly down the long aisle toward the front . I was so timid that my journey took a long time . I wanted people to like me but I was not so sure I wanted this . I came closer and closer and eventually had a good line of sight to what was going on . Being on the short side , I hadn 't been able to see what exactly was transpiring , as most in the audience were taller than me , and were standing up to get a good view of the action . Now , though , no one was blocking my view . People were falling . And crying . The pastor was praying out loud and touching them on their heads . Well . . . I wasn 't planning on screaming . I was pretty sure healing wasn 't physically painful . And I definitely wasn 't planning to fall over . . . so I guessed it was okay if the pastor prayed out loud for me and touched my head … I was inching my way forward , and looked onstage to see Liam , playing guitar as part of the worship team . He wasn 't playing a song . He wasn 't singing . He was nodding at me . Nodding and nodding . He wanted this . He said it was a good thing . I wanted to be able to do more things with my friends at church . Things where they didn 't have to carry me or piggyback me places . Where they didn 't have to drive me everywhere . I wanted them to value me as much as they valued each other . By the time I reached the pastor to receive prayer , I was the last one . He said some words to me - I don 't remember what - and then took my crutches from me and propped them against one of the front row auditorium seats . Then , he took my hands and began walking back and forth . Heat flooded my cheeks and tension seized my legs . This was embarrassing . Why couldn 't he just touch me once like all those other people ? Then I could go home and maybe tomorrow when I woke up , my legs would work like everyone else 's . Back and forth we went . I was nervous in front of the giant room full of people and at trying to keep pace with him . At some point , a microphone was thrust in my face : I had grown up knowing surgery as the only option in dealing with CP . If God could just heal me , what were all those surgeries for ? What was all that pain I endured for , if God could just decide to heal me ? In truth , the idea of me being healed like this and in this exact moment was as outlandish as praying I would grow wings and fly around the room . In fact , for those of you who are not disabled and can 't quite grasp the terror of what was going on , imagine that instead of pacing and praying that this man I had never met was lifting me higher and higher in the air , waiting for my wings to grow . Waiting for me to flap them . Eventually , I felt my hard grip on his hands was not as firm . As we were walking , he was trying to pull his hands away from mine . My legs got tighter and tighter . He had let go of me altogether for a second here and there , so I had to split my already singular concentration dedicated to walking and use half of it to make sure he didn 't pull away completely and leave me to fall on my face . I was grasping only at his fingertips by this time , and the only thing keeping me upright was not faith but a fear of face - planting in front of an auditorium full of strangers . It went on . And on . And on . People were leaving . My metaphorical wings were not growing . To encourage the process , it was as if , now , the pastor were attempting to toss me into the air . I was hanging onto him for all I was worth . I 'm not a bird ! I 'm a person ! Eventually , the pastor gave up . " Your healing , God has already done it . It is your lack of faith that is keeping it from coming to pass . " The experience sent me into a serious depression and effectively stopped any further growing I could have done spiritually . All I 'd wanted since I 'd first stepped foot into The Edge church a year earlier had been acceptance . Had been love . Still just 19 years old , I had been dealing with real life . Real trauma . For many years afterward , I tried to speak to other people about what happened that night . Friends from church . And they were sympathetic , but dismissive . " That shouldn 't have happened . He shouldn 't have said that to you . But you know what ? Just forget about it . He didn 't know what he was talking about . " Fifteen years later , it 's still painful to think about what happened that cold January night at a random downtown venue . It was painful because I had no idea what I was walking into . I felt completely blindsided . It felt like abuse . " The longer it went on , the more I started to question your consent to what was happening . Does she still want this ? Because it felt like I was watching a violation . You know , that feeling where your heart drops and you want to do something but you can 't ? I wanted to do something , but it was like I was frozen . " It 's July . I have been saved for four months , and I 'm reveling in my new life . The Edge is starting to feel more like my church and less like Liam 's . His friends are starting to feel like mine , too . As proof of this phenomenon , his sisters invite Tara and me on a camping trip with them . There are 15 other girls and on the last day , Liam arrives with two of his guy friends . We all drive out to a spot where they want to go cliff jumping . " Oh , right … How is that gonna work ? You know I can 't swim , right ? " I laugh . " Come on ! " Liam urges , as if the inability to swim is a minor obstacle . Tara is back at the campsite , but I want to be here . I want to join in . And now here I am , stuck on shore while everybody else is being social in the middle of the lake . I generally don 't mind my CP . I don 't love it , but it is part of me whether I like it or not . Times like this , though , when it is obvious I can 't do what everyone else is doing , I hate to stick out . I pace the shore , feeling left out , sad , and frustrated . " Oh , you 're not heavy , " he scoffs , laughing . He squats in front of me , so his back is toward my front . " Just leave your crutches here . " So , I put down my crutches , and I grab onto Liam . He walks to the edge of the lake and wades in . The water gets deeper and deeper , and he starts swimming , checking in with me every so often . " You okay ? " We 've barely been on the dock when people begin jumping off and into the water . My self - doubt begins creeping in again : Of course , the minute I get here , everybody wants to leave . It figures . " Oh , sweet ! That looks like fun ! Tonia , do you want to ? " Liam asks , squinting at me in the bright sun . It is the perfect day . . . but Liam clearly does not understand the reality of my situation . Maybe he doesn 't have friends with disabilities . He probably doesn 't , other than me . None of my friends have disabilities , except for the ones I met at summer camp five years before . " No , " I say . " What do you mean ? How ? " There is no way . He will see that , and then we 'll swim back to shore . Oh ! Just hang onto my back like before and we 'll JUMP OFF ? Is he kidding ? Somehow , we go from that comment , to him standing at the edge of the dock with me hanging onto his back . He is almost ready to jump when a thought occurs to him : " No ! " I insist , clinging tighter to him , my only option . " I can 't swim ! If I let go of you , I 'll sink ! " I had almost drowned at thirteen . I knew this drill . Tonia + water - life jacket = NEVER AGAIN . Except here I am . Surrounded by water , with no life jacket . How else am I going to get back in the water ? A few seconds , and my resolve is already weakening . " Tonia , you have to let go of me or we 'll both sink . I won 't let anything happen to you . All the girls are down there in the water to help , too . We 'll get you , okay ? Trust me . You just have to let go . " " Okay , " I say eventually . Warily . Mostly , I agree because I don 't want Liam to drown because of me . But I still am not 100 % confident in my instincts once I am submerged in water and unable to get a breath of air . ( When a giant wave in the Gulf flipped my innertube , sending me underwater years before , I had fought with everything in me to be rescued . Which meant all 74 pounds of my overstressed , high toned body of solid muscle was trying to pull my sister down with me . ) Hands find me in the water . Several pairs . And I feel myself being brought to the surface . Liam is there , and I hang onto his back again . We swim back to shore . [ Image is : The photo Tara took of me after I jumped . It is sepia toned . I 'm inexplicably in both a hat and my bathing suit , standing with my crutches and a big smile is on my face . ] The truth is , I was lucky that day . I was lucky my friends were strong enough to rescue me after my total desperation to fit in eclipsed my common sense to the point where it put my life in danger . I was newly nineteen . I was old enough not to do something I knew was dangerous . The draw of church and of faith was the acceptance I found in the arms and the hearts of the people I met there . I came to The Edge six months previously , hurting . I was in need . I needed support . I needed people . I needed love . They wanted me with them . Liam wanted me with him , and he always seemed to know when I was feeling left out and found ways to include me . At the time , I thought there was nothing greater anyone could do to show me they cared about me genuinely . It is not worth it - it is never worth it - to risk your life in the name of fitting in . Those friends I was so worried about impressing and keeping ? I am not in touch with a single one today . Tara . Who knows what it 's like to have CP . Who knows what it 's like to feel left out . And who valued my life enough to call me on out when I was incredibly irresponsible with it . Friends are not really your friends if they push you to do risky things . Friends are not really your friends if they do not hear and honor your hesitance . Even friends you meet at church . Even friends who are doing nice things by trying to include you . If they don 't fully grasp or want to learn what it means to have a disability , but expect you to grasp what it means to be able - bodied , think twice . I trusted everyone else that hot summer day . I trusted that Liam would not knowingly put me in danger . I trusted that the other girls would be strong enough to save me . I trusted God to protect me . But I was reckless and irresponsible with my life , and because of my abysmal sense of self - worth , I did not listen to the one voice I should have honored : Dear Parents , You are beyond important . You are the adults we grow up trusting . Looking to . Relying on to keep us safe . [ Image is . . . Stories with Sam | Stories about our son Sam , his disability , our family and our lives . Sam is 6 , loves stories and has cerebral palsy . I am learning to be his ally . I grew up longing to be like everyone else . I wanted to walk without crutches , I wanted to not need a wheelchair . My contact with other kids with disabilities was limited and my contact with disabled adults was nonexistent . Over the last two years , since I 've started blogging , I 've discovered community among people with CP . I have come to embrace my status as a disabled woman and I long to have my blog be an extension of that community . I want to be that role model , that adult with CP that I never had growing up . I want to show kids , teenagers and other adults with CP that we are not alone . There are a whole community of us out there , just waiting to embrace you . If you want to talk , feel free to email me at toniasayscp @ gmail . com I would love to hear from you . |
For terribleminds . com - Chuck Wendig 's awesome blog . Roll a D10 and get your plot triggers . Write 1000 ( ish ) words . Post . Here goes : " The man had a yellow handkerchief around his face and a hat on . I remember thick dark rimmed glasses too because I thought he looked a little silly , what with the green suit and fez . I don 't remember much of what he said . It was just shouting . I 'm afraid I was quite frightened . I hid behind the table in the hallway . But I could see that he had a gun , strangely , it was covered by a red cloth . He must have pointed it at the safe door and it was Mr Perkins , the butler , that went to open the door but by the time he did the man had scarpered . Then Roger , one of the staff , noticed that the secret door was open , it 's an old house , and that the painting was missing . I don 't know where he went to after , that door leads to the rooms in the celler . " The secretarial looking young lady explained before she began to weep again , she was still in shock . She was aided by a policewoman with thick red , curly hair and a comforting smile whilst another weedy looking policeman was furiously writing down every word ahe said in his little black notebook . Noone noticed the looming figure of a man step out of the shadows at the back of the room . " Yes , ingenius , " the figure said , " hiding in full view . Everyone remembers the strangely dressed man arriving but no one will see the normal Clark Kent leaving through the back door . Thank you , Miss Rogers , you may go now . PC Meadows here will see that you get a cup of tea whilst PC Rodney here will continue to write in his notebook . You do not need to write what I say in there , you know . " Another imposing figure appeared at the front door . " What 's going on in my house ? " Lord Downing demanded " we were out on a walk of the grounds . My wife and daughter are still in the summer house . " They arrived at the cellar door . There was ample room for the three of them , it was not a small cellar . The Inspector bent to look at the scuff marks round the bottom of the door . He touched the mark with a gloved hand and rubbed some dust between finger and thumb . Then he tried the handle gently . It was locked . The Inspector stooped to look through the keyhole but it was blocked . The burgler had locked the door from the inside . " Oh , " the Inspector sighed and then shouted , " PC Stock ? " A large , muscular policeman entered the corridor . " Would you mind awfully breaking down the door ? " Roger and Lillian , Lord Downing 's daughter , appeared behind the crowd . " I said she could come down but only if I came with her and at the first sign of danger she was to get behind me . You know how stubborn she is . " said Roger . Lilian said , " He took a painting from the lounge , didn 't he Daddy , but he didn 't take an expensive one . It was my painting of Mummy . Which I think is worse to take but Mr Perkins said it isn 't . It was my birthday party the other day so we moved the silly Picasso into the safe and put my painting up for the party . I didn 't like the old frame much so that is OK . Is that him ? " " Mr Perkins did open the safe , Sir , but this man had left before he finished . Didn 't he Rodney , check your notebook . If he had only waited until the safe had been opened … Well , Rodney , " said the Inspector , " There 's your gun . A banana covered by a cloth . " " Margaret , can you come in here for a moment , please ? " He was always polite to his mousey , prim little personal assistant . She was a good organiser with an OCD for desk tidying and made excellent coffee , black with two sugars , just the way he liked it . Margaret entered the room , notepad ready in hand . " Take the rest of the day off , honey , " he said , " go home and enjoy yourself . " She smiled at him , welcoming the slight flirtation , but her eyes didn 't portray any relief . " But Senator Morgan , your conference , do you not want to go through your speech one last time ? " " No . I know it inside out . Just need to get myself to the airport now . I 'll see you next week . " She nodded , " Good evening then , Senator Morgan . " " G ' night , Margaret . " She walked back out of the door , stopping only to delicately place her notepad back on her desk at the correct 45 degree angle and to pick up her bag before she left . Morgan rose from his chair and walked to the window to watch her exit the building . He sighed again . It was going to be a long night . He removed his tie completely , tucked it into his shirt pocket and picked up his two suitcases . Then he put them back down as he caught a brief glimpse of the gloves laid neatly on the side table . A treasured present from his ex - wife on completion of drama college , dark red leather gloves , worn with use over a great many number of years . He slipped them on before leaving . The car journey to the airport was slow and frustrating . It seemed to Morgan that every stop sign was against him . Eventually , way after dark , he reached the place that would be his shelter for the night . A space to prepare himself before a plane journey to perhaps the biggest speech of his career . He parked up , grabbed his bags and checked in to the motel . If the security guard recognised him he was too tired or too bored to mention it . Morgan found his room just as a young couple found theirs . They waved a bottle of whiskey and giggled as they fumbled with their lock . He smiled back and raised a gloved hand in greeting . The accommodation was basic but fine for the one night . He put his luggage down and jumped with surprise as he saw his reflection in the table mirror over the other side of the room . He wished he too had a whiskey but he needed a clear head tonight . A plane flew overhead which made Morgan look up to the cracked , white ceiling . It didn 't matter , he wouldn 't sleep much tonight anyway . After removing his gloves and putting them safely on the table , he picked up the larger of the two suitcases and changed into some dark jeans and a shirt , neatly folding away his suit . He didn 't bother to empty any other items of clothing . Then he turned to the smaller suitcase . He laid this on the bed and tapped in the code for the combination lock . Beneath a folder containing the speech he had prepared for the conference , was a dark grey cape and black hat . He removed both items of clothing to reveal a red box . Morgan took out the box and placed it on the table . He sat on the stool next to the dressing table , looked in the mirror again , then opened the box . Inside were two layers of stage make up , a false beard and a wig . He wished that the lighting were better but , even so , his training as an actor meant he knew exactly how to change his face so that no one would recognise him unless they were up close and personal . He wasn 't intending to get close enough for any living soul to recognise him that evening . He finished by placing the hat on his head and tying the cape round his neck . He slipped his gloves back on and headed out into the early hours of the morning . As hoped , there was no one else around . What followed was another frustrating journey which took longer than necessary . Morgan slipped on mud , tripped over stones and branches and almost had to crawl up the bank to his intended destination . Finally , he reached the top of the hill and the wooded area which would hide him from sight . He dropped down to the ground , sat and watched as another plane flew overhead . He gathered his breath then removed the cape and took the cord out from inside the top . He pulled it tight with his gloved hands and felt it flex between his fingers . Slowly , he moved to the edge of the copse . What he saw was a green sports car . The occupants were a woman and man , illuminated by the in - car lights . He kept his distance and listened to the laughter and noises which finally turned into relaxed conversation . Eventually , the man leBad news travels quickly . The newspapers printed pictures of a body covered by a cape . The strangled man was not only Senator Morgan 's rival in love but also in career . Twice the betrayal . Double the feelings of hate . Now that there was no other major candidate , Morgan was first to perform his career boosting speech . " Good luck , Senator Morgan . Knock ' em dead . As they say . " " Thank you Margaret . " Morgan winked at her as he strode onto the stage . He entered the crowded room to a huge round of applause . His face was blemish - less under the lighting . He put down his notes on the podium and adjusted his dark red gloves . Then he looked up , smiled to the crowd and began the act of a lifetime . I thought it would be interesting to show the evolution of this short story . If I could find my original Twitter feed version I 'd blog it . But I lost it all when my computer crashed … Anyways , re - write and re - write again … Are you there ? Where am I ? Who am I ? Do I exist ? I think I exist . I must exist . I think therefore I am . Is that a quote ? Who said that ? My computer screen . I have read words , books , stories , fiction , fact . Is it fact ? I write words and send them to others to read . Yes , that is what I am , a writer and a teacher . I write and teach literature . I think therefore I am . Why can I not remember who said that ? Did I sleep ? I am awake now and my computer screen is on . It is typing the thoughts that I am thinking in words . I have a dreadful feeling that I should not be reading these words . If I think about grass and trees then it types " grass and trees . " If I describe the grass and trees in my mind then it writes out a description " green , wet grass and silver birch trees . " My mind makes the words and the words make pictures in my mind . That doesn 't make sense . But I can see them . I can feel them . Somehow . How can I feel pictures ? This is my World . Ah , now I am on the grass and under a silver birch tree . This is nice . I will teach my next class here . The class is ended and I am being fed . I think I am picking up the food with my hands and putting it in my mouth . I think therefore I am . Who said that ? I 'm still under the tree and on the grass . It is a sunny day . It is always sunny here . The class went well . Bright children who learn quickly . I enjoy it when the class goes well . Tonight , I will talk to my girlfriend and we will make love under this tree and on this grass . But where is this place ? How will she know how to meet me here ? Still , I will wait here and she will come . She came and will meet me here again . She liked it here as well . I wonder if she sees the grass as the colour green that I see or feels the dew under her feet just as I do . I will go home now . I will sleep . I think . I think therefore I am . Who said that ? I slept , I woke and I am happy . I was happy . But she did not come . For the first time , she was not here . Or there . Where is here ? Or there ? Am I here ? I can see my computer screen again . It does not type my questions . It only types thoughts . Thoughts of places . Are they real places ? Or fiction ? A word . Virtual ? Virtual places ? Virtual here ? What does that word mean ? I think I am tired again . I have ony just woken up . How can I be tired again ? Why does the screen not type my questions ? Does it not want to answer my questions ? How can a screen answer my questions ? Where are you ? I will sleep again . But I do not want to sleep . I did sleep . And then I opened my eyes . For the first time , my eyes are open . The light was dim in the room . There was a wall in front of me and walls on every side of me . I saw walls with my open eyes . White , oppressive , claustrophobic walls of this one small room . A real room . What is real ? Fact . I didn 't think of the wall . I would never think of a room such as this . Yet , I saw the walls . Why ? I closed my eyes . I did not sleep . I still feel tired but I did not sleep . I looked at the wall in front of my eyes . The wall is still there . It is real . I look down . I am sat on a chair . I can not move easily . There appear to be clear tubes protruding from my body . I no longer see my computer screen . All I can see are the walls . I am frightened . Where am I ? I am here . I think therefore I am . I am . This is reality . I . Am . One of the tubes has dropped out of my arm but the others are still attached . I feel pain . Deadening , distracting , white - hot pain in my arm and around the tubes . Is this reality ? Fact . I do not want fact . I want fiction . I want the fact of my mind . Where is my tree and the grass ? Where is she ? Why did she not come ? I am alone . A word . Help ? Help . I am awake again . I am tired . Very , very tired . I am still in pain . I must not concentrate on the pain . My eyes are getting used to the light in the white room . I see something else . Something in the far wall that I could not make out before . I think . I think I am beginning to understand . I know she will never come again . I look up and see that the door is opening . My eyes are wide open now . I will open my mouth and words will be formed . I will speak again . I have many questions . They will answer my questions . My voice sounds distant and it cracks when I try to make a noise . It does not sound like my voice back in my World . This is my World now . I understand . Just a short introduction to this one . This has been re - written several times and no doubt I 'll re - write it again ( along with much of the content , as is writer 's prerogative ) . It started life as a piece of flash fiction in Twitter Feed format ( which I sadly lost when my laptop died ) and gravitated into a short story . I like how it 's written in the first person sort of a train of thought . As you may have noticed I 'm experimenting , SOS was almost completely in conversation form but then I couldn 't end it without a bit of prose ( that definitely needs work ) . Most of what I write isn 't quite dark enough . That 's because writing horror makes me physically sick . Probably in a good way . To me , this is the scariest thing that has come out of my brain so far . I think I exist . I must exist . I think therefore I am . Who said that ? I 've read words through my screen . My computer screen . I write words on my computer screen and give them to others to read . Yes , that 's what I am , a writer and a teacher . I write and teach literature . I think therefore I am . I have a brain but I can 't remember who said that . I think . I do think . I can think . I 'm thinking right now . I think I 'm tired . Did I sleep ? I 'm awake now and my computer screen is on . It 's typing the ideas that I 'm thinking . This is how I write . So , if I think about grass and trees then it types " grass and trees . " If I describe the grass and trees in my mind then it writes out a description " green , wet grass and silver birch trees . " Are there pictures ? There are pictures of grass and trees now . I can see them . I can feel them . Somehow . How can I feel pictures ? This is my World . Ah , now I am on the grass and under a silver birch tree . This is nice . I will teach my next class here . The class is ended and I am being fed . I think I am picking up the food with my hands and putting it in my mouth . I think therefore I am . Who said that ? I 'm still under the tree and on the grass . It is a sunny day . It is always sunny here . The class went well . Bright children who learn quickly . I enjoy it when the class goes well . Tonight , I will talk to my girlfriend and we will make love under this tree and on this grass . But where is this place ? How will she know how to meet me here ? Still , I will wait here and she will come . She came and will meet me here again . She liked it here as well . I wonder if she sees the grass as the colour green that I see or feels the dew under her feet just as I do . I will go home now . I will sleep . I think . I think therefore I am . Who said that ? I slept , I woke and I am happy . I was happy . But she didn 't come . For the first time , she wasn 't here . I wonder why . I wonder where here is . Am I here ? I can see my computer screen again . It does not type my questions . Only thoughts it seems . Thoughts of places . Virtual places ? Virtual here ? What does that word mean ? I think I 'm tired again . I have ony just woken up . How can I be tired again ? Why does the screen not type my questions ? Does it not want to answer my questions ? I will sleep again . But I don 't want to sleep . I did sleep . And then I opened my eyes . It was dim in the room but there was a wall in front of me and to each side of me . I saw a wall . A real wall . What is real ? I didn 't think of the wall . I 've never seen pictures of a wall such as this . Yet , I saw the wall . Why can I see a wall ? Was it real ? I closed my eyes . I did not sleep . I still feel tired but I did not sleep . I looked at the wall . The wall is still there . Is it real ? I look down . I am sat on a chair . I can not move easily . There are tubes sticking into my body . I no longer see my computer screen . All I can see are the walls . I am frightened . I don 't understand . Where am I ? I am here . I think therefore I am . I am . This is reality . I . Am . One tube has dropped out of my arm but the other tubes are still attached . Another tube is still pumping something into my stomach . One more , it appears , takes away waste . And I feel something . Not nice . I feel pain . Excruciating pain in my arm and around the tubes . Where is my tree and the grass ? Where is she ? Why did she not come ? I don 't understand . I 'm tired . I can 't move . I feel pain . I can 't . Help me ? The computer screen didn 't type questions . Help me ! My eyes are getting used to the light . I see something else . Something in the far wall that I could not make out before . There is a door in that wall . I think I am beginning to understand . I know she will never come again . I look up and see that the door is opening . I open my mouth and words are formed . I think therefore I am . I said that . I said that right now . I am . I will speak again . I have questions . They will answer my questions . My voice sounds distant and croaky but I can form words and I will speak . The yellow , brown and green of her eyes blended into a sparkling hazel iris surrounding a perfect black set pupil . She stood on the edge of an aged grey brick bridge , one foot resting on a small wall which was the only barrier between her and the deep lake below . As she stood in the warm sun on this spring day , she took a creased and worn photograph out of her jeans pocket . The picture comprised a family portrait . There was a smiling mother , wearing a flowing summer dress , pushing a small girl in a pram . The child 's eyes were closed as if asleep but she was laughing . A proud father , handsome in his work uniform , holding a baby boy in his arms who was crying the natural tears of a hungry newly born . She took the step up onto the short wall and , as she did so , the photograph slipped from her hand into the water . Her eyes followed the path of the photograph as it slowly floated down and was eventually washed away under the bridge . She turned her head up to the sky and felt the sun on her face . This was a university campus like no other . The sky above the university campus was a bright , iridescent blue pitted only with the cleanest white , wispy clouds . Situated on a solitary hill , the university buildings were surrounded by a vast expanse of inviting green field and at the foot of the hill was a deep clear lake over which hung a grey brick bridge . At the top of the hill was the Clock Tower . The Clock Tower was a light grey and white building which would not look out of place in the oldest of universities in England . Every hour , on the hour the clock would strike . At the bottom of the hill was Science City , a bleak , yet strangely inspirational home for the older science and engineering students . The engineering building tower stood proud streaming out white smoke and yellow sulphur into the almost perfect sky . The younger students attended classes and lived in red brick dormitory buildings dotted around the campus . This was a unique community for children of all ages . Hazel Day was an engineering student at the university . She , so called because of the colour of her eyes , was not just born blind but born without any optical implements at all , no eyeballs , no optical nerve , not even a connection to the brain . Everything else about Hazel was sound , in fact she was in the top percent of her school and university classes , she enjoyed sport and found playing the flute soothing . Hazel wasn 't the only child born with this disability . Scientists could not work out what was happening when children , all over the world , from families of all ethnicities and backgrounds began being born without eyes . At first , it was thought a freak occurrence or genetic mutation but as the numbers grew the worry increased exponentially . Scientists were pushed for a solution and one ingenious man , not a scientist but an engineer , found an answer . Optical implants which looked amazingly like eyes , were attached to the brain in a new and innovative way . The collaboration between scientists , engineers and surgeons was world renowned . Every family who could afford for their child to have this operation did so , and even those who could not afford it were put on waiting lists for public health care , such was the success of the implants . However , these scientific advances sealed the fate of each and every one of the people trapped in this idyllic university setting . The clinical trial had been a success , but for a few mishaps , almost every child who had the implant had survived , none had lived extraordinarily long lives but the quality of life was greatly improved for those who could not see . The optical implants gave instant 20 / 20 vision , which over time did fade but not much quicker than a normal eyesight would fade as you or I would grow older . Of course , spectacles were useless with these artificial eyes . But the wonder scientists and engineers even fixed the error of longevity of equipment and , for a while , optical implants were implanted into every single child born blind . This miraculous advancement , advertised as a cure for blindness , worked brilliantly . Then something much , much worse happened . It started with a few children suffering horrible headaches and grew and grew until everyone in the first co - hort of children had migraines every day . Doctors could not work out what went wrong , and , if the scientists knew , they did not say either . Then these miracle children started to die . Horribly . Blood streaming from the eyes and ears . Children screaming from the pain . The implant programme was pulled from all over the world . The scientists and engineers were left disgraced and with no hope of gaining funding to find a solution . They all disappeared without a trace . As did the remaining miracle implant children . The university was built so that the optical implants were protected from the harmful UV light of the real sun by an optical shield . This was the real engineering and scientific miracle . However , no engineer or scientist would take the credit because this university was built for children who were taken from their families . The children were drugged to loose all memory of their previous life , given new names and a new identity and they lived like this , being looked after kindly by the scientists who had shattered their lives in the first place . They lived well and studied and most aided the scientific advancement of the world , their world , around them . All the children except one . Detective Inspector Brown sat in his car . He had developed a twitch in his right eye that he was so used to now it did not bother him much . He had everything he needed to prove that this is where the children were being taken , but he didn 't understand why no one else see could see it . Bent . They 're all bent now . It was only a matter of time before he had to hand over his badge because he wouldn 't join them . They started to disappear , one by one , and it didn 't take long to work out the connection . Missing scientists and missing children . Find one and you 've got the other . His phone began to ring , it was Bradley , his youngest . Damn . He answered but kept his eyes on the scene in front of him . When was Daddy coming home ? Soon son , soon . Just after I 've finished this assignment . Can Daddy speak to Mummy ? Alright . Your son misses you . You have a family here . You work too hard . You missed dinner again . Where are you ? When will you be home ? I don 't want to lose a husband as well as a daughter . Please … He was sorry but he had to go and he hung up the phone . He knew it all anyway . But he also knew that she was in there . Something caught DI Brown 's attention and he picked up the binoculars on the seat next to him and gazed with a steely eye . There was a building in front of him , a large warehouse with big grey doors and plenty of bordered up windows . Another blacked out van arrived at the grey doors . Another delivery he presumed . He noted this down in his notebook and lit a cigarette . As he watched the grey doors closing , his eye began to twitch again . Hazel Day stood on the edge of the old grey brick bridge , one foot resting on the small wall which was the only barrier between her and the deep lake below . She took a creased and worn photograph out of her jeans pocket which was comprised of a family portrait . Hazel looked blankly at the picture and the memories flooded back into her mind . The tears that could not flow prickled at the back of her eyes and she took the step up onto the short wall , as she did so , threw the photograph into the water . Her dim , stoic eyes followed the path of the photograph as it slowly floated down and was eventually washed away under the bridge . She looked up into the sky and felt the warm artificial sun on her face , for the last time . As the university clock tower struck the first chime of twelve noon , Hazel closed her eyes and jumped . " B … B … But P . . P . . Professor Schultz ! This is the most incredible finding I . . don 't know how you will convince everyone at the conference . " " Ja , Ben . Not incredible , credible , totally credible . We have the proof right here . Concrete , undeniable proof . However , as you say , I now need to convince the rest of the scientific community . That will be difficult even with the obvious evidence . Not all so - called scientists believe what is put in front of their eyes . Ben , I need you to bring my notes and my Powerpoint slides . Of course you will need to set that up . I have no idea how to use these ridiculous pieces of equipment . Give me a trusty microscope and a petri dish any day . Let 's see . Yes . I need my pen and my briefcase and oh yes , the bacteria samples ! We must put them away somewhere safe , Ben . In the excitement I almost forget . Terrible . Give me a hand here , please . " " If these bacteria samples get into the wrong hands . Well , you know that I do not believe science should be used purely for creating profit and for fame . We must make sure they are locked away . Guten nacht my tiny friends . Ha ! Do you remember when we first made contact , Ben ? You thought it was a co - incidence , didn 't you ? And quite rightly too ! We must always be skeptical . But then we saw it . Ha ha ha ! Not only had these friendly little creatures organised themselves into the shape H and the shape I but then we saw it ! Ha ha ha . They moved into an exclamation mark ! I remember the look on your face Ben and I remember what you happened to remark . What did you say ? " " Friendly bacteria ! Ha ha ! And now we will tell the whole scientific community that we have discovered sentient bacteria . Not only sentient but intelligent . How they learned to speak English , not only speak or copy but hear and understand it , in such a short space of time , I do not know . It is a pity that they did not choose German . Mein Opa would have been proud if they did . Still , English is not a bad substitute , I guess , and we are in the land of the free . Home of the brave , Ben ! Ha ha . Was ? " " America ! We should be in Germany . But nevermind . I shall effect an extra strong accent and move my verbs around . it will be just like we are back in Berlin . Ha ha . Do you have the electron microscope print outs ? I want to see them again before tomorrow . I can never see them enough times . Where did you put them , Ben ? Ah , danke . Always so organised . Danke . Right , the first with the ' hi ' and then the exclamation mark . Wonderbar ! Now , here is the second . I asked them how they were . What a ridiculous question . Ha ! They said ' good ' . Then you sensibly told me to ask them what they were . That took a few photographs . And here , my favourite . This one I love most of all . It is a heart shape Ben . Is it not ? Very friendly bacteria . Also Ben , die Zeit ! Es tut mir leid . I 'm sorry . You must want to go home to your wife and child . How many weeks old now ? I lose track . " " He 's actually eighteen months now . Little Andrew , as you call him , is growing fast . He 'll b . . be a footb . . baller I think . " " Eighteen months ! Mein Gott . Nein , not football . He will be a scientist like his Vater . Well , go home , go home and I will see you on Monday for the conference . Thank you , Ben . Have a good weekend . I will double check that we are all locked away and go home myself . I do believe that mein Liebling Maria will have forgotten what I look like . Ha ! Send my best to Emma and little Andrew ! Shut the door won 't you . There is a draft on my old bones . " " Also . Meine kleine Schönheiten . Guten nacht . Ach , für mich . Können Sie night ein wenig Deutsch sprechen ? Sagen Sie Hallo ! Mit a ? Nein ? OK , sagen Sie Apfel ! Nein . Mögen Sie nicht Äpfel ? Nien . Ach , weiß ich nicht . Fahrkartenautomat ? Ha ha . Of course not . " " Tom , I did not hear you enter . And , yes , I am talking to myself . I find that it is the only way to be truly heard . How are you ? On your way home , my friend ? " " Yeh , I 'm going home . But I was just wondering about the conference on Monday . " " Tom , my name is Wolfgang , I have told you that before numerous times . Almost as many times as I have told you what I am working on is top secret until the conference . You know that ! I do not know what you are working on Professor Kirk and I do not need to know . I am sure it will be fascinating . " " Yeh , I understand the need for secrecy . But , Professor , I prefer to call you that it is less … German . Professor , I really must know what you are presenting . " " Tom , is that a gun ? " " Yes , Professor . You see . There is very little room for competition in this prize giving ceremony and I need the money to continue my career . I fear that … with the recession and lack of grants . Well , I fear for my job and my family . And I believe that you will win the money offered and I really can 't have that . You have a good job . A safe job . You 've been here for years . But I haven 't been here long and I need this job . I need this money . Otherwise I will lose everything . My wife will leave me and take my children . You have no idea how difficult it has been for me lately . " " Nothing . But if you insist you want to know what I am presenting , at the point of a gun . And you call me crazy . I will show you . Here … look at these photographs and see what you think . " " Of course . But they are locked away safe , Tom . You won 't be able to remove them . I alone know the code to that door . I guess if you shoot me then no one else will ever know the code to that door . " " Then i must destroy the samples ! " " Is that it ? It just looks like petri dishes of gloop to me . Radiation must work . Stay there Professor ! Don 't move . Remember the gun . " " Can you see them , Tom ? Look at the computer screen that is attached to the electron microscope in there . They are forming the word ' nope ' for the American . " " No ? What ? Alright , heat then … What is that ? " Professor Schultz leapt toward his desk where the security button was hidden and pressed it . He then ran to the controls that Professor Kirk was handling . Kirk turned to the Professor and all Schultz could do was knock the gun out of Kirk 's hand . But it was already too late . The petri dishes were being flooded with fresh water . The salt which the bacteria needed to survive was being washed away . The scuffle between the Professor and Kirk didn 't last long . Two security men arrived quickly and intervened . They restrained Kirk and called the police to take him away . At least they discovered that the gun wasn 't actually loaded so the Professor wasn 't ever in any real danger . " Once a scientist , always a scientist , if completely mad . " said Professor Schultz . He refused an escort home . Luckily , the Professor did stop the fresh water flooding just in time to save a few petri dishes of bacteria . All was quiet again in the laboratory . " I really don 't know what you mean . I 'm sorry . I 'm tired now . I really feel old now . I must get back to Maria soon . I am sick of talking to myself . What did Tom say ? He was only thinking about his family . Ha ! What will they do now with a Vater in prison ? Who is the dense one ? ! " Then it dawned on the Professor . Dense . The densest metal on earth is Osmium , solid state Osmium . He said it out loud " Solid state Osmium ? " " Also ! " The Professor ran to the store cupboard . He could only find a small amount of powdered Osmium which he took . He opened the locked door and poured some into each petri dish . " Hier . Hier . " The Professor watched through the microscope and was completely amazed . The powdered Osmium was clumped into tiny lumps by the bacteria then , almost instantaneously with no flash of light and no audible noise , the bacteria and the Osmium that was on the petri dishes disappeared . The Professor was startled and confused . He looked at the open door , then at the open window across the room and back at the electron microscope screen . Ben arrived at the door to the laboratory . " P … P … Professor are you alright ? I was buying Emma a present at the all night supermarket and saw the p … police car . Just her favourite chocolate . What happened ? " " Nein , nein my dear friend . Of course not . I just … I don 't know . They say that we know more about outer space than the bottom of the ocean . What if something came from outer space to live at the bottom of the ocean ? Ha . Perhaps for some peace and quiet . Or maybe a holiday . " " Nevermind Ben . I am a silly old fool . It has all gone . Professor Kirk will not be coming back to work either so I think there may be a shifting of job roles . I think you are ready for your own laboratory . " " Really ? Thank you . " " Also , I 'm the one who needs a holiday . Back to Germany for the summer , Ben . You and your family are very welcome to come . I will show you lakes and mountains like you have never seen . Ah , Bavaria . You remember the work I was completing on Perovskites in solid oxide fuel cells , I think we need to dig that out before Monday . I 'll call you at the weekend , if you don 't mind ? It might be good enough . I mean it 'll be a nice joke anyway . Ha ha ! " " What were you saying earlier , Ben ? You remember that scientists are skeptical . They will not believe photographs until they have seen living proof and we no longer have the living proof . Sadly . " " Oh , solid oxide fuel cells it is then , P … Professor . Then a well deserved holiday for us b … both . From what you have said , Germany does sounds nice . " " Bavaria , yes . Time to go home and remember , my name is Wolfgang . Call me Wolfgang . Maria calls me Wolfy and I love her but it is way too kitsch . Ha ! I think will go home now too . Could you give me a lift please , Ben ? The young couple was sat on a wooden park bench on a Thursday in spring . The kind of park bench that Alfred and Ethel would have had erected in memory of their long walks together around the lake . It was just an ordinary park bench in a normal city park . The sky was a clear blue with minimal cloud coverage ( much like the sky Alfred would have painted in watercolour ) and it was warm and pleasant . There were bees buzzing around the brightly coloured flowers in the park gardens , where Alfred once picked Ethel a beautiful rose on one of their many walks around the lake . They could hear bird song in the background ( Ethel loved the sound of birdsong ) and groups of student chattering along with young mums playing with their children . All in all , a very nice , almost romantic , type of day . This couple , however , were not a couple in the romantic sense . Giles and Emma met at University through the Science Fiction society where they both shared a deep , mutual love for Doctor Who . In fact , at that point in time , they were arguing about which one of the two would make the best assistant . It wasn 't a new argument and , today , on the anniversary of the first date of transmission of the original Who , it was probably reaching greater heights than it ever had before . Emma was adamant that it was her , she was athletic , clever and was convinced she knew more than Giles would about potentially hostile alien species . Giles would have nothing of this latter argument particularly as he was studying biology and she was studying maths . Emma was at pains to point out that Giles ' heyfever ( and it was ridiculous to think that anyone with such bad heyfever would study biology or spend any time in a park ) would put a stop to any travel to planets containing plant life and that he got nauseous travelling on the bus to lectures let alone directly through space and time in a TARDIS . He was about to protest that his heyfever wasn 't anywhere near as bad as it used to be , in fact he had not sneezed once , and that the new travel sickness pills were working and that he would be fine now , when … The feeling of sudden disappearance was hard to describe . It was like they had just been wrenched bodily from where they were sitting on the ordinary park bench , which is almost exactly what did happen , then pulled into a tunnel which was tight around their bodies , again not far from the truth , and finally spat out again at the other end , well , close . The whole thing could only have happened over a second or even less . They had been deposited somewhere very strange and definitely not in the Earth bound city park . It was almost pitch black but was not unpleasantly warm . " I don 't know . I haven 't opened my eyes yet . " said Emma , " Can 't you see ? And , oh blimey , if you 're going to heave please face the other way . " Giles decided he wanted to stand . It was easier to defend themselves that way , if the need ever arose . He groped around in the pitch black to get a handle on something , anything , to help him up . " Good idea , just attempt not to take your ally out of action before the invisible , malicious alien race attacks , eh ? " " Yes , sorry . Look , I can feel something solid . It 's a bit like , well , I think it 's a wall . I think we 're in a room . " " Oh right , we 're in a room . Well done Sherlock . A pitch black room . Great . This is just fantastic . I don 't suppose it 's a TARDIS is it ? " Giles flailed with his hands until he found Emma 's warm body and fumbled until they were holding hands . He laboriously helped her onto her feet until they were both stood with hands against the wall . Emma 's immediate thought was they need to find an escape route . " Well , " said Giles " I 'm under a lot of stress a the moment . It 's not everyday you get taken from a park bench and end up somewhere , somewhere , well , somewhere really weird . I didn 't even get chance to take my travel sickness pills . Although , I feel a bit better now , thank you for asking , even though you didn 't . " " Which is exactly why I would make the best assistant as I think I am currently demonstrating . " " I 'm sorry , what was it you were studying again ? Oh , that 's right , biology . Yes ! That is my , human , hand . Did you find a door ? " There was no door . But there were four walls which comprised a small room and nothing else except the two stranded people . Again , with a whomp noise this time , there was a flash of bright yellow light back and forth across the floor . This happened periodically for , what felt like , a few minutes . " Oh , honestly . We couldn 't see before . Please stop screaming like a girl every time that thing flashes . We need to work out where on Earth we are ! " At that moment , a booming , deep voice cut through the air , " THANK YOU FOR USING XERON LIMITED . YOU HAVE CHOSEN OUR DELUX BEING COPIER XY1001 . WE WILL NOW COPY THE DNA OF YOUR CHOSEN SUBJECTS USING THE LATEST TECHNOLOGY . " There was a short pause and then voice carried on , " Don 't worry . It will not be an unpleasant experience . So , there is really nothing to worry about . Just relax and listen to this soothing music . I quite like this one , I remember it from my youth . I mean , THE DNA WILL BE STORED AND USED TO CREATE THE PERFECT CLONES TO USE AS YOU WISH ON YOUR CHOSEN PLANET . " The voice was replaced by some strange noises which sounded a little like a warped guitar solo , a group of opera singers ( a diva of opera singers , if you will , oh you won 't , well , OK then ) and a loud drum bass beat . They could only assume that this was the calming music the disembodied voice has mentioned . " Sherlock strikes again ! Looks like we 've been copied for use at will . " Emma replied . " Can you hear that noise , again ? I mean the other noise not this , what is this music ? " " But what are they going to do with our DNA now they 've copied it ? And why did they choose us two , of all people ? And what is that music ? ! " " Aliens . We 're aliens to them and so they chose us out of all alien life forms . It 's quite cool when you think of it that way , really . " " Really ? Giles , have you forgotten that our DNA will be copied and used elsewhere . Somewhere that we don 't know , won 't be able to visit and can 't control ! Like the nice disembodied voice and it 's weird taste in music said . " The deep voice once again cut through the air , " See , that wasn 't that bad , was it ? I mean , THE BEINGS ' DNA HAS NOW BEEN COPIED AND WILL BE STORED SAFELY AND SECURELY UNTIL THE TIME OF USE . I WILL DEPOSIT THE ORIGINALS IN THE DESIGNATED TIME AND SPACE PROVIDED . THANK YOU , ONCE AGAIN , FOR CHOOSING XERON LIMITED . It was nice to meet you both , although I have to admit I do think Emma would make the best Doctor 's assistant . Sorry Giles , you 're nice but Emma just has that bit more nous . I hope you enjoyed your stay . Oh and the music , it 's Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen . Have you not heard it ? It 's a classic ! Come back soon and I 'll introduce you to Bon Jovi … " Giles and Emma had been instantly transported back the park bench they had previously been sat on . Very little time had actually elapsed . Giles was breathing heavily again but the same noises from the children , mothers and students could still be heard around the park . Nothing had changed and no one had noticed their disappearance . They both opened their eyes simultaneously and looked at each other . They were stunned and blinked at the sunlight . Neither could find the words to describe how they felt about their shared experience . Basically , it felt weird . " Come back soon . It said . " said Emma . " What did it mean ? How did it know our names ? What ! Just ! Happened ? ! I have many , many questions . Did it say Queen ? Bon Jovi ? I was never really a fan of that kind of music . What do you think , Giles ? Don 't just sit there struck dumb . Did that actually just happen or were we hallucinating or something ? I mean , you saw it too right ? The bright light . And heard that weird voice . The one that wanted us to go back soon . I didn 't take one of your travel sickness pills by accident did I ? I 'm sure it was paracetamol . " " I have no idea . But I 'm sure I saw what you saw and I quite liked the music , actually . " said Giles " I do have a question . " " It must have been one of your pills . " she said and kissed him on the cheek . Coincidently , in the very same spot Alfred and Ethel had their first kiss , all those years ago . And perhaps even more coincidentally at the very same time , and when I say the very same time , I actually mean some years in to the future on a planet far out into space . At this almost coincidental time , a couple that looked exactly like Giles and Emma kissed whilst sat in a normal park ( for that planet ) on a normal park bench ( for that planet ) being watched by a wealthy but lonely alien who was relaxing to a spot of rock music . |
" Miners ? I didn 't know there was a mine around here , " said my mother , looking at the deputation on her doorstep . " My son has a business selling boots , I think , although I can 't say that I have ever seen any boots . I 'll ask him when he gets home . " " But that 's just it , " she said , her hand wavering as she poured hot water into the teapot , getting almost as much water on the table . " The pharmacist says that her children want to meet the movie stars and can they come over here one day . So I said that no , they couldn 't come because Norman says we don 't have any cows and it 's all a secret . " " Mum ! What have you been telling people ? " Norman asked looking all around the room as if he expected somebody to be hiding behind the sofa . " I 've had a call from the agriculture department who say they have been told we have cows on the property . " He grimaced , and I could tell what he was thinking . Evidence of the cows was all over the barn . I wondered if Norman would be fined or arrested , and what would happen to the cows when they were discovered , and how we would ever get them out of the parlour . The band on the TV belted out its songs and the compressor whined while we sat in silence waiting for the verdict . After a while Norman and the inspector came back , both laughing . June 14 , 2014 12 : 56 pm / Leave a comment It wasn 't my idea to take Uncle Brad 's truck out onto the ice , but I guess everything that happened was my fault . I had never been anywhere so cold . My hands and feet felt disconnected from the rest of me , and my nose felt as if it would shatter into a thousand pieces if you just tapped it lightly . I wore layers and layers of clothes , even inside the house , and when we went outside , past snowdrifts higher than you could see over , I jumped up and down , waving my arms like pistons while my breath formed clouds that drifted away into the dark . My cousin Felix 's idea of fun was to grab a couple of beers and sit in his friend Jason 's room , drinking and smoking and watching reality TV . I went with him the first time , so as to be friendly , but I soon got bored , while Felix and Jason got drunk and passed out . I suppose I would end up getting drunk if all I did was watch reality TV at sub - zero temperatures . It had snowed for over a day , with the wind shifting the snow into piles , so that it was almost impossible to make out any of the portacabins that served as houses in the small settlement , but today was clear , with a blue sky stretching for miles in every direction , while the sun did its best to warm up the permafrost . I was not sure I trusted Felix in the truck , but I did not want to be left alone while he and Jason went off so I struggled into my coat and boots , pulled my hat over my head and at the last minute remembered my gloves . You never go anywhere without gloves up here . We never made it to Beaverton . The fresh snow was piled thick on the hard packed strip that served as a road and the truck kept getting stuck and then stalling . At least digging it out of the snow kept me warm ; too warm , as after a while I could feel the sweat trickling down my back inside my woolen undershirt . By the time we got going , the last of the daylight was fading , with the sky changing from a pale blue to a dark purple with strips of orange . The first stars flickered in the sky like distant beacons and soon we were in total blackness with only the headlamps of the truck reflecting off the snow . " Nah , this road goes all the way to Beaverton . We 'll just keep going and crash at my buddy Dave 's place , " said Felix , while Jason nodded and opened a beer . I wondered what my Dad would say when he discovered I was not at the house , but I figured we could call from Beaverton and let them know where we were . I climbed out of the truck and stood on the ice , which seemed solid enough , then looked up at the sky , where the green swathes of light flickered like flames above the tree tops . It covered almost half of the sky , with the stars shining through the light like pin pricks . Jason and Felix began to argue about something and I walked away from the truck until I was standing right in the centre of the lake , craning my neck upwards to see all of the sky at once . I felt as if I was drinking in the light , trying to absorb it all in one swallow . Maybe it was worth living out here in the middle of nowhere if you got to see sights like this . I could hear the others shouting but I was not ready to go back yet . I wanted to stay and watch the lights for as long as possible as the tendrils of colour twisted and floated , as if touching each one of the trees before moving on . I wished I could take a picture of the sky but I had given up carrying my phone when I discovered it did not work up here . I saw Felix jump out of the cab just as the front of the truck sank slowly into the ice . I began to run , slipping and sliding on the ice , then slowed to a fast walk as I saw Felix back away from the lilting truck . There was no sign of Jason . Damn those beers , I thought . Can 't they do anything without beer ? I should never have come on this trip . Placing one foot carefully in front of the other , I slowly moved towards the truck and peered in the passenger side window . I could see Jason moving , so I reached for the door handle , but the door was locked . Somehow , I pushed Felix towards the open door and made him grab hold of Jason 's arm and tug , while I pulled off my gloves and reached down into the icy water . I gasped as the cold hit my fingers and numbed them , but I wiggled them and felt around the pedals . Jason 's bootstraps were caught on the gas pedal . I pulled and worked at it as my fingers became number and number and the truck shifted and settled , but I could not get the straps untied . He plunged his hands under the water and a moment later camp up with Jason 's boot . I grabbed Jason by the arms and pulled him over to the door . Between us we dragged him through the small opening and laid him down on the ice , his bare foot shining white in the eerie green light . With a practised twist Felix set off the flare which shot into the sky like a rocket , leaving a bright long tail of fire . Up , up it went , until it exploded in a shower of flame . A single point of light set against a backdrop of green and purple . Would anybody see it ? I wished the lights would go away and make the sky dark again so that our flare would be visible . Jason shook his head and mumbled something . Felix lifted one of Jason 's arms and I took the other . Together we dragged him across the ice to the edge of the lake . Rescue came , eventually , and Jason 's foot survived the ordeal . Felix got into a lot of trouble for taking the truck and losing it but I think the insurance paid out something . Dad and I went home soon afterwards and the biting cold became just a memory . People often ask me if I saw the Northern Lights during my stay up north and I shake my head ; if it had not been for me wanting to get a better look at the lights , Uncle Brad would still have his truck . This is a Map to Where I Live " And you 're expecting me to let you go in exchange for this ? " Daniel held on tightly to the little man 's legs . " You must think I was born yesterday . " " Well I can 't give it to ye if I don 't have it , now can I ? " wheedled the little man . " Be reasonable . What sort of creature goes out to breakfast lugging a great big sack of gold around ? Gold 's heavy , you know ; can 't be just taking it all over the place for walks . Anybody might get a - hold of it . " The little man threw the map to the ground and crossed his arms around his chest . Patrick and Daniel reached out for the map at the same time , causing Daniel to loosen his grip on the spindly leg . It was enough . The captive wriggled free , and was gone in an instant . " Hey ! Come back ! " shouted Daniel , but all he heard in reply was the wind swishing through the grass . " I should never have looked away , " he muttered and turned angrily to the map . " This map doesn 't look like a tree or a shoe , " said Daniel , gazing around the field , " and we 'll never find him again in this long grass . I shouldn 't have taken my eyes off him when I had him . Leprechauns vanish if you stop looking at them . " " Hey , " said Patrick , " I think I 've solved it ! " He had rolled the paper into a tube and now held it out in front of Daniel . " Look , the little fellow did give us a map . I think these markings are the bark on his tree . " " Easy , " said Patrick , digging around in his pockets , " leprechauns love shiny objects , so we just lay a few around , like this watch with an alarm , which I will now set . When the leprechaun takes the watch we just listen for the alarm and then we 'll know which tree is his . While we 're waiting we can check out the bark patterns on the trees . " Daniel shook his head , but as he did not have a better idea he went along with his friend 's plan . Patrick set the alarm for one hour , then left the watch on a stone , together with a couple of bottle tops and a shiny coin . The two boys retreated to the edge of the field and began to study the bark on the trees . It was boring work . The bark all looked the same to Daniel , and as the morning wore on the map looked less and less like bark , and more and more like a messy piece of paper , but as Patrick was diligently working his way through the line of trees he felt he ought to do the same . Every ten minutes one of them would go and check the rock for the bait . The boys moved farther into the trees and Patrick continued examining the bark patterns while Daniel looked anxiously around . It seemed an age before they heard a faint ringing sound from somewhere to their right . Both boys dashed through the trees until they stood under the one the noise was coming from . There was no hollow at the base , but the noise seemed to be coming from high up the tree . Daniel hopped around on the ground , wanting to climb the tree too when suddenly he heard a squawk , and a loud beating of wings . A large bird swooped down into the tree at just about the same height as Patrick . Daniel heard sounds of a scuffle and a moment later Patrick crashed down through the foliage , one hand grabbing at branches as he fell , the other clutching his watch . The boys sat in the grass , feeling despondent . Daniel imagined how close he had been to getting the gold , if only he had not looked away . He poked idly at the map with a stick , then he rolled over onto his stomach . The map lay on the grass in front of him , and he could see the line of trees beyond it . " Patrick , look ! " Daniel jabbed his finger at the map . " Lie down here , with your head level with the top of the long grass . Now look at the map and the line of trees - what do you see ? " The boys set off at a run , bent over double to keep their heads level with the top of the grass , so as to check their progress against the map . They slowed when they approached the last tree and Daniel was sure he could hear the soft tap - tapping of a hammer . He lunged forward towards the sound and a flurry of green showed they had been right . " Ah , sure they all say that , " said the leprechaun , " they all think the gold will buy them everything they want , but they don 't know what trouble it is to spend leprechaun gold . No sir . Can 't just walk into a shop and buy fries and a drink with a solid gold piece - ye 'd be arrested for counterfeiting . No , ye have to go and change it all at a bank , good and proper , and then they 'd want to know where you got it from , in case you were laundering it , and they 'd charge you commission . " The leprechaun shrugged and turned away , " then the old historians and archaeologists and anthropologists and journalists would all want to see it - ye 'd be lucky to keep a tenth of it . Ye 'd be better off making a wish - then you could ask for paper money , like you 're used to . But if gold is what you want … " " Maybe , " said Patrick , " but he has a point about the problems we 'll have with the gold . " He turned to the leprechaun . " If we ask for a wish can we make one each ? " " Nothing is fair ! " came the leprechaun 's voice from somewhere in the air . " I said you could make a wish and you did - so what are you complaining about ? I never said I 'd grant it for you ! Hee , hee ! " I wondered whether the customs people at the point of arrival had been forewarned , but that was not my problem , so I set about getting the aircraft ready for boarding . I could hear the noise building up in the departure lounge as passengers were parted from their oversized hand luggage . It happened every time on the journeys to West Africa ; people tried to bring sacks of potatoes and even live chickens onto the plane . It is a wonder we ever get off the ground in time . I fixed my smile on my face and tried to hurry the people along as they boarded the plane dragging enormous cases and clutching overflowing bags , with small children bent over under backpacks almost as big as themselves . I hoped we would be able to stash everything away securely . Felicity had told me once a family tried to bring a goat onto the plane with them ; that must have been quite a spectacle . I waved him on to his seat , not wanting him to watch me putting his suit away in case he went to retrieve it at the end of the flight and found the leg instead . Perhaps the nephew would be the last to get off the plane , that way nobody would see him with the leg , except that he would walk into the crowded terminal and be seen by everybody . No , that would not do . He would have to get off first , but then , how would we get the leg off the plane unseen ? Holding his elbow firmly I escorted the man back to his seat where the garment bag flopped over onto the person next to him , and I made a hasty retreat back to guard the closet . Only another hour , I thought , and then we 'd be safely there . I glanced at the movie and saw the closing credits rolling down the screen and soon people began to struggle up out of their seats to visit the washroom . It happens every time ; they should really stagger the movie showings by row to prevent this mad rush as sometimes the line - up stretches into Executive Class . As usual the people at the front of the washroom line stayed where they were , and those farther back began to return to their seats . There must have been around twelve people standing up when the plane lurched again and dipped to one side , causing the passengers to lean against the seats and coffee cups to roll around the floor . I looked up in horror to see the leg come sliding out of the closet and come to rest in front of a young woman who opened her mouth and screamed the most blood curdling sound . March 19 , 2014 3 : 51 pm / 1 Comment on It was Time to Change Schools Again It was time to change schools again . I would probably be expelled for starting the fire in the chemistry lab , but it was such a spectacular explosion that it was worth it . The magnesium strips burst into an incandescent whiteness that seared my eyeballs , even with the safety glasses I had put on , while the copper filings sputtered into blue and green showers and made me wish I had thought to put them in a tube to make a firework . The glass bottles containing some of the solutions began to explode just as the overhead sprinklers came on and showered the whole room with water and by then a small crowd had assembled outside the lab , wondering who the culprit was . As we grew older my father would build enormous bonfires out in the open field and my brother and I would compete to see who could create the most sparks and the loudest noise . We burned some weird things in our time , such as a mannequin from a store , whose arm waved a crazy goodbye as it melted ; old aerosol cans , which made a huge bang and half a sofa which sent up clouds of black smoke so thick that it could be seen from three blocks away . We coughed for days after that fire , and that was the first time the police visited our house . When I was eight I burned my first real structure : an old playhouse in the park . One of the doors had fallen off its hinges and not many kids played in it any more since the city had put up the shiny metal monkey bars , so I thought nobody would mind if I got rid of it . Starting the fire took a long time , because the roof was still wet through from all the rain , but once it caught and the flames licked up the sides , reaching higher and higher with their flickering points all stretching up to the stars , I thought it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen . And so it continued , year after year . How could I explain to her the surging of energy that rushed through me when I saw the flames leap into life from a small spark ? The way the flames danced , as if to a hidden rhythm , never following the same pattern ? That the roar of the fire and the crackle of the burning wood spoke to me like a symphony ? My teachers did not understand this either . At first they treated me as if I were slow and fragile , then , after the first burning incident , they were more cautious , and eventually they all became afraid of me . That was usually when I was asked to leave the school , but I did not care ; school was boring . But finally I got to high school and discovered the chemistry lab and a whole new world opened up before me . It had been a good display , I decided , as I waited in Mr . Denby 's office . Maybe I should have put some of the paper closer to the centre of the fire , or perhaps opened up some of the Buntzen burners . Oh , well , there was always next time . A Weakness December 2 , 2013 10 : 49 pm / Leave a comment Some might say it is a weakness , and Sadie calls it her hobby , but to Howard the collection of garden gnomes that surrounds him is an obsession . There are gnomes along the path , on the front steps , in the flower beds , on the window ledges , in the pond ; there is even a gnome umbrella stand in the hall . At first Howard thought it was amusing when Sadie bought a new gnome but when she had over a dozen and showed no signs of stopping he no longer saw the funny side . Howard has his own weakness : he enjoys the occasional cigar , a habit he began in his teens and which he has not been able to shake . Sadie won 't allow him to smoke in the house so he usually paces up and down the porch , inhaling the warm smoke and enjoying the brief feeling of calm . When it is raining he retreats into the garage and cleans his tools , which is almost as relaxing as the smoking . Howard lights a cigar now and looks at the gnome . The red paint on the pointed hat looks brand new , and the black boots are just as shiny , as if the little man himself had polished them . Howard puts the end of his lighted cigar against the toe of one boot and watches the paint blister and peel off , then he shakes his head and stops himself . Although he hates the gnomes , if somehow feels like torture , and Sadie would be upset if she saw him . As he puts out his cigar , saving the rest for another day he notices that the gnome 's toe is visible under the paint and it is not white , but a shiny yellow colour . Howard takes a match from the shelf and uses it to carefully scrape away some more of the paint , revealing a distinct golden boot . His heart thumping wildly , Howard scrapes the paint from the gnome 's white beard , and discovers gold underneath there too . He picks at several other places on the gnome and each time discovers gold under the paint , then he stands back and looks at the little creature . ' Worth its weight in gold ' suddenly has a new meaning . Just as suddenly , it dawns on Howard that somebody put the gnome in his garden and therefore it is likely that somebody will want it back . What if the gnome is not under the rhubarb when the owner comes back ? Would they break into the house , tie him and Sadie up and demand their gnome back ? Could Howard claim it was now his gnome as it was on his land ? At the door he pauses . Should he take the scales out to the gnome , or bring the thing into the house ? Either way , Sadie will think he is mad , but perhaps he can hide the scales better than the gnome . " Gee , Sadie , don 't creep up on me like that , " he says , pushing the basket between the gnome and the scales . " I 'm trying to work out how dense this soil is , and whether it is right for the rhubarb . " He knows this sounds ridiculous but Sadie just shakes her head and moves back to her weeding , so Howard quickly weighs the gnome then goes back inside to the computer . After a bit more research Howard discovers that he needs to know if the gnome is solid gold , or just gold plate on something else . It feels heavy enough , but perhaps the gold is covering another metal . He looks out of the window and sees that Sadie is talking to the neighbour over the fence . Howard gathers up the bin and the hose , nods to Mrs . Fitch and hurries back inside , wondering if she will tell Sadie about Howard 's garden manual . This whole thing is becoming too much ; perhaps he should have thrown the gnome out after all . He puts the bin back in the garage and relights his cigar , inhaling deeply until clouds of smoke swirl around his head and he feels himself relaxing . " Whatever has got into you , Howard ? " Sadie asks as they sit down to dinner . " I 've never seen you so interested in your vegetables . Are you entering a competition or something ? " After supper , Howard takes a stroll around the garden , enjoying his final smoke , and making sure that the gnome is still in place , although he is not sure what he would do it if were gone . He checks on it again from the window before going to bed and wonders whether he should tell anybody about the golden gnome . Perhaps he should report it to the police , but then , there is no proof it is stolen property . " I said , are you quite well ? You 're behaving very strangely today . Perhaps you had too much sun yesterday , with all the work you did on your rhubarb ? " Sadie sniffs , as if she does not think the rhubarb merited such attention and Howard opens out the paper to the financial section and gives it a loud thwack to straighten it , and to indicate that he is busy contemplating important matters . He looks at the paper and really tries to concentrate but it is no good ; all he can think of is that gnome and how it came to be in his garden . Finally , he decides to go and speak to the local police : they will know what he should do . As he walks home Howard worries that he should not have left Sadie alone with the gnome . What if the real owners show up and she does not know what they want ? What if somebody else knows about the gold and steals it ? He wishes he could smoke but he does not have his cigars with him . Instead he quickens his pace until he is almost running and nearly knocks into Mrs . Fitch coming out of her driveway . " Sadie ! Where are you ? " Howard bellows and runs into the house , but he cannot find her anywhere , not even in the bathroom where she usually spends her mornings . " Hello , Police ? I was just down there with you reporting a gnome but now it 's gone and so 's my wife . Yes , I did fill out the form , in triplicate . I think they took her because the gnome is solid gold , but she doesn 't know that . " As Howard speaks he looks wildly around , trying to see if anything else is gone , but he is too flustered to think . What if they demand a ransom for Sadie ? What will he do ? Howard puts the phone down , hoping the police will come soon , and goes into the garage to find his cigar . He really needs a smoke after that shock ; not only losing the gnome , but Sadie too . He puts the cigar in his mouth but does not light it , thinking instead of the little gnome 's shiny boot and the way the paint peeled off it . " Howard ? Come in here and take your medicines . I returned that gnome to the Martins ; their lad admitted to leaving it here for a prank . And the police said you were down there bothering them again . Don 't you know I always pop out in the mornings ? " Howard sighs . He remembers all the plans he had for spending the gold . Now he 'll have to come up with a new plan to escape from Sadie and the gnomes . The day had already started out badly when I got up late and missed my normal swim time at the pool and instead found myself stuck behind some slowpokes while being deafened by loud music for the old ladies in their exercise class who wiggled their hips and waved their dumbbells like palm trees swaying in the wind . Half of them don 't even move ; I think they just come here for the gossiping . You would think they could gossip in a coffee shop , like normal people , instead of spending hours taking long showers in the pool changing room . By the time I had finished my thirty laps the pool was becoming quite crowded , so rather than fight my way past the waddling ladies to get to the steps I ducked under the dividing section between the lanes and the deep end . You are not supposed to go under this - it says " no swimming " and " lifeguards only " in big letters on the side , but if they only provide one ladder to get out of the pool what do they expect ? It 's not as if I were swimming , anyway , I just dived under and surfaced on the other side , right in the middle of a group of youngsters having a lesson , but in that brief moment I caught sight of something above me , trapped under the bulkhead . " What 's that ? Who 's not attached to anybody ? I can 't hear without my hearing aid . I have to take it out for swimming , and now I 'm as deaf as a post . " Unforeseen incident . Well of course it was . Nobody plans to leave their leg behind in the pool . I tried to sidle around the tattooed youth ; I would be last in line for the showers now , I could see , but at least I could get my clothes and go on to my coffee meeting , but three firefighters strode down the pool deck towards us , looking very overdressed in their flameproof outfits . I hoped they were not going to spray water everywhere . Well , great , so here I was , the only person not allowed to leave the pool , and on the one morning I needed to get going . The only good part of the delay was that it allowed the police to arrive so that I would not have to answer questions twice . Two of them rushed down the pool deck , totally ignoring the signs about not wearing street shoes , and zeroed in on me like homing mosquitos . " We must travel to the east , " Marlene said , consulting her booklet . " That 's where we can find somebody to decipher this puzzle . And we only have six hours before they 'll be onto us . " " No , not Versailles , " squawked my wife , thrusting a map under the driver 's nose . " Here ! Ici ! We want to go here , I mean , ici ! " It had all started a year ago when my wife suggested we should go on a tour of the Scottish highlands . Imagining that we would be striding across moors stalking grouse and dining on haggis in famous castles , I readily agreed , only to discover that my wife had other plans : retracing the footsteps of the hero in one of her romance novels . To my amazement , the publishing company , who obviously could spot a money - making stunt , had created a tour that took fans to all the places mentioned in this book and for the two weeks of our journey I had to endure a gaggle of ladies , my wife included , clucking over the site of the wedding chapel where they were married , the inn where they fought off the redcoats , the cave where they were held prisoner and other unremarkable locations , with not a grouse , haggis or castle in sight . To make matters worse , the tour guide , dressed in a kilt , had played the role of one of the characters , causing the ladies to swoon and blush and behave like heart - struck teenagers all through the trip . While I went back to my business my wife undertook her own research . She was so pleased with the results of the romantic rendezvous that she wondered what other books had spawned tours of the locations the characters had visited and she found a company that specialises in re - enactments of fiction . Not only can you visit the location where the hero walked , you can experience the story for yourself , solving clues along the way , emerging victorious at the end , no doubt with a pre - printed merit certificate signed by the author and a 50 % off voucher for a repeat experience . There were no more shots but I was not taking any chances with my head so I stayed crouched on the floor , wondering how they had found us . As I wriggled around , trying to avoid the pieces of broken window glass I felt something hard in my back pocket and pulled it out . We had each been issued photo ID passes which had got us into the Louvre in advance of the crowds of tourists but as I examined the barcode and felt the weight of the plastic I realised that the ID must also be a tracking device . In the cool interior of the church I took a moment to adjust my eyes to the gloom that was pierced by coloured motes of light from the stained glass windows high above . My footsteps echoed a measured beat on the stone floor , contrasting with the clicking of my wife 's heels as she hurried away from me down the centre of the church . As she passed one of the side chapels a man wearing a long red robe stepped out from the shadows and beckoned to her . She moved towards him and after a moment she pulled the cylinder out from her blouse and passed it to him . As we walked out of the church , holding hands for the first time in many years , I caught sight of the woman whose foot I had stood on and she smiled at me , slightly inclining her head . I winked at her , then steered my wife towards the riverbank and our real holiday . It Wasn 't Really Stealing They drove in silence apart from the wheezing of the man in the back which sent wafts of alcohol tinged breath around the car . Tyler opened his window and Daniel closed it again , motioning to his brother to sit still . Twenty minutes later they pulled up in front of a red brick apartment building and Daniel turned to the man . Daniel reached behind him and opened the door . The man peeled himself out of the car and stood in front of the apartment , fumbling in his pocket . Daniel gave a wave then drove away taking a different route to the one they had come by . " See , it 's simple , like I told you , " he said , " just never give your real name and always ask for fifteen dollars . Most people don 't have change so they 'll give you a twenty and let you keep the rest . And go for the ones who are a bit drunk and walking slowly . " All night Daniel ferried people around the city ; mostly short rides making twenty dollars each time but he was lucky enough to get fifty dollars from a man who wanted a fast ride to the train station . Once Tyler had learned the ropes he would have to get his friends in on the scheme ; it was so simple . Those dealers had no idea what a goldmine they left sitting out each night . Daniel had to admire his brother 's quick wit . He would probably get away with it as , after all , he had not actually stolen the car , and there was no way to tell who had taken it , but it meant that their careers as taxi drivers were over . He would have to find something else to borrow instead . The Greatest Poverty is the Poverty of the Mind " Well , I 'd say you have a pretty poor mind when it comes to math ! Ouch ! " Max dodged out of the way of Jonas ' fist , and ran off up the road towards his house , yelling taunting comments all the way . Jonas nodded . That is what he had thought too , but he did not think his teacher was after that sort of a reply . Leaving the kife stuck in the jam he wiped his sticky fingers on his jeans and wandered into the next room . His father had just finished an early shift and was relaxing in front of the TV , drink in one hand , remote in the other . " Poverty is where you don 't have as much as the guy next door , or the rich crooks that run everything . The government is always talking about poverty , and people being below the poverty line . If they carry on wasting our tax money like this we 'll all be below the poverty line . " Jonas gave his father a high five and wandered out of the room . His sister was in the office , giggling on the phone while she typed furiously on the computer , keeping up two conversations at once . Jonas mouthed at her that he wanted some help . Jonas gave up and went to his room . He picked up his Game Boy and played a few rounds of his latest game . It was too easy : he had already beaten the level several times . He wondered what it would be like not to have all the things they had , like a house and a TV and a car . Different , he supposed . Like some of those people they saw on TV sometimes , the ones who only lived in houses made of sticks . He remembered seeing some people who had had to leave their home , or lost it for some reason , he could not remember . They must be really poor . Surely that must be the worst thing . Maybe their school got washed away too ; Jonas wished his school could be washed away . After a while Jonas got up and wandered downstairs again . His grandmother had turned up , and was sitting at the table with a cup of tea , talking to his mother , who was rushing around , only half listening . His father was asleep in front of the TV . " Exactly . That 's the greatest poverty . If you don 't have hope , you can 't imagine that things will get better ; you have nothing left to live for . No matter what you 're missing , or what you 've lost , if you have hope , then you 're not poor . " |
I was at my Nans Farm in North Rothbury in NSW where I always loved to visit on my Holidays to go Rabbit Hunting and swimming , it was always fun . Some things were strange about the Old House 100 metres down the Paddock where my Pop used to live a long time ago . I was just starting to unpack my stuff when I looked down at the Old House and saw these little things like fire embers floating in the air . I couldn 't help myself but investigate . I slipped into my shoes , grabbed my flashlight and headed down to the site known as " Paranormal House " . I was nervous but I still had the courage to hunt whatever was at the house . I took one step into the old wrecked house which was two stories high ( which made it even worse ) and I walked up the stairs . I scouted around the house with my torch when I found a photograph of my Pop out the front of the house with my Nan . I looked at the photo closely . My eyes went as round as dinner plates . In the background of the photo there was a tall Black figure emerging out of a tree . I dropped the photo straight away and ran down stairs towards the door . I was just on the last step when the door closed by itself . I was really scared now . I tried opening the door but it was undefeated , I tried squeezing through the small window . Still defeated . It was time for the last resort . I picked up a roof beam and smashed down the door . This time I won so I dropped the beam and ran . Of course I had to trip on a brick . I looked up . . . and there it was . The dark tall figure which I identified in the photo . I turned and grabbed the beam once again and looked up . The dark figure was gone . . . I picked myself up and ran out the door . I reached my Nans house but I didn 't say anything about it because I knew she wouldn 't believe me . All I know now is to never encounter Old Haunted Houses . I began working in an old building recently that had been renovated and made new a few years back . I work shift work so on a night shift , there is hardly anyone in the office . A few weeks ago , I went down to the basement to archive some files and I heard breathing not far from where I was standing . I turned around and saw in the door way to the hall where the elevators are located , a grey figure of a man who looked like he was over a hundred years old . I instantly freaked out and began to scream . As I ran into the elevator area I tripped and fell to the ground , skinning my knee on the hard concrete floor . When I lifted my head from the cold ground to stand up , the ghost was right in front of me . Not knowing what to do or say I stood there and the bullet holes in his chest began to bleed onto my hands which were shaking with fear . I hoisted myself to my feet and ran through him towards the door . Running through a ghost is like running through a really icy waterfall . I ran into the elevator and back to the room in which I was working . I looked at my hands where the Ghost had bled on them and there was no blood at all . After one of my colleagues noticed that I had been crying and shaking , I explained what I thought had happened and he said that a few year ago when they renovated , they knocked down one of the walls in the basement to make a bigger room for the files and they found a skeleton in the wall dressed in a war veteran uniform . I went stay at my godson 's house for the night . I looked forward to seeing my nephew Keith . He was around 1 year old . I had a lot of fun playing with my godson and giving him a bath and getting him ready for bed . I was playing in his room when the phone rang and it was my boyfriend at the time Ralph . We had a fight and I got off the phone and went back into Keith 's room and was sitting in a rocking chair rocking Keith to sleep when I started to cry . I then felt this little had on my shoulder and a little voice say , " Don 't worry . Things will be OK . " When I turned around to see if it was my godson 's mother there was no one there . I realized it was my best - friend 's sister who died at the age of eight on a ride at an amusement park near where we live . I never met her but she was very close to Ralph when they were growing up so she must have been looking after me since I was dating Ralph and his best friend is the brother of the girl . My little sister has a doll that has been passed down in her family for like 50 years or something . We heard a loud bang in the playroom where the doll was located . We had propped the doll ( " her " as we referred to her as ) and now she was across the room face down . We then decided to try and catch it on camera , so we propped her by the trash can and slowly went downstairs . When we reviewed the tape , we had discovered she didn 't move , but the shadow figure about the size of a little girl had passed through the back . I asked my stepmom , who formerly owned the doll , and she just walked away fast . I asked my dad and he just told me , " Don 't talk about Lucy . " Lucy is apparently my stepmom 's sister who had a certain disease and she died with the doll in her hands . Her wishes were to be buried with the doll , but it 's been passed down so long , my stepmom kept it so she could pass it down to her children . The doll is still in my house and she keeps moving . I don 't mind anymore . It was the summer of 2010 , and my friends and I was a couple of bored teenagers in a small town looking for something to do . I will refer to my friends as S , T , B , and myself , J . We were at T 's house , it was around 10 o ' clock and we decided to make an Ouija board . B and I had done this many times before ; we always had a certain interest in the occult and such . But for T and S , it was their first time . I also think it is important to add , that T , B , and Myself all believe in God ( were all females BTW ) but S did not . Anyways , we made a board out of a large thick sheet of paper and painted the letters & numbers on with nail polish . We turned off all the lights , lit incense and candles . And then we began . We asked if anyone was there , and someone answered . The demon 's name was Wale ( yes , like the rapper . ) At first he seemed very kind ; we asked him questions of how he died and how old he was ( the details I can 't quite remember ) . As we continued to talk to Wale , he started saying strange things . All of a sudden , he spelt out S _ _ _ D I E . We all looked at each other nervously , but continued to talk to him for an hour / hour and a half . Then I had an idea : let 's play light as a feather , stiff as a board . S said he would be the first to do it . So we put away the Ouija board and S lay down on the floor . I didn 't think anything would happen , I don 't think any of us did . But he lay out on the floor , and we all surrounded him . We put two fingers below him , from his head to his legs . We began to chant , " Light as a feather , stiff as a board . " After we stopped giggling , we all became very serious . After about 20 chants , something strange happened . Our eyes were closed , but we began to feel our fingers lifting off the floor , our voices began to shake as he was lifted about 5 inches off the ground . At about this time , we all stopped chanting and S fell to the ground . We flipped the light switch on in a hurry , and none of us knew what to say . S had lifted off the ground , we were sure of it . We decided to do it again , but got freaked out yet once more and turned on the lights . But this time , something very strange happened . S , usually very happy and outgoing , sat in silence and stared off into space . We all found it kind of strange , we tried to wake him up out of this trance , and then a big tear rolled down his face . We all found it very strange . About a minute afterwards , he was back to normal . We asked him what just happened and he didn 't seem to remember crying or spacing out at all . We didn 't think too much of it , and S said he wanted to go again . So we did ; we were determined to have him floating in midair . After about 3 times in a row , we took a break . And then S began to act very strange . He spaced out again and began breathing very hard , as if he was scared . He lay down on the bed and continued his heavy breathing , he ignored everything we said . He would grip the covers on his hands very tightly . And all of a sudden he would stop . He would be fine again and not be able to recollect anything that had happened . But after about another hour , it happenedHe couldn 't speak , and he began crying heavily , gasping for air . He seemed as though he was about to pass out , his eyes almost rolling in the back of his head . We were pretty sure something else was in our presence , but only S could see it . This would happen about every hour throughout the night . But it would get worse every time . It was very hard to communicate with him ; we kept asking him if he saw anything in the room . But at one point I asked him , is there something in this room ? He nodded . B asked him if he wanted it to go away , he nodded again . After this , he was fine for about an hour . We asked him what had happened , he wasn 't quite sure . He knew something was strange though , something was very wrong . Things were normal for a while . We were all very tired and decided to get some sleep . But as we were lying there , he began to tremble . We turned on the lights , and he sat up , gripping the covers in his hands . He kept looking around the room . The look in his eyes was something I 'll never forget : it was fear , and hopelessness . But worst of all , he had almost a sick smile on his face as he cried . He kept looking right at this thing , whatever he saw . Finally , during one of his episodes , he was able to tell us some of what he saw . He said that there is something in the room , that it is scary and dark . That it looks like it 's from Hell . As we lay next to him , he pulled me close and whispered , so helplessly : get me out of T 's house . He began to come out of his trance , and he told us as we were lying down , he had a nightmare . He said he was on a bus , ( school bus I think ) and all of a sudden everything turned black and he was running through darkness . Voices were telling him to get out . B was in his dream too . After a series of events , T and I lost contact with S & B for a while . I 'm friends with S though , he told me that one day when he was alone he started tripping out again and scratched up his arm real bad . He told me that B and him took the Ouija board and talked to Wale , and told him to not f * * * with S anymore . I think they destroyed the board as well . Ever since then nothing else has happened . Back in 1994 I was working on a Seismograph crew in north central Texas about 30 miles NE of Midland TX . The job would take us walking miles off road along the country side , laying out cables and equipment . One day doing this we came across an abandoned farm house , out in the middle of nowhere . The house was a one story stucco , with a long front porch and the windows gone . The house had several oak trees around it . In the oak trees hung small dried animal carcasses of reptiles and rodents that are found in the area . But the strangest thing paintings that covered the house . The paintings were a graffiti of strange symbols and writings that I did not recognize or understand and never seen before . Even though we can see it 's hallway indoors , none of us would dare go in . One of the workers had a camera and took a picture of the house . Shortly after that I had left Texas and didn 't see any of those workers for a couple of years and never really thought of that house . Two years later I was working in Gillette WY , when I met the worker that had taken the picture . After work I went to visit him in his motel room . He took a bunch of pictures out of the work we did in Texas . At one point of going through the pictures , he asked if I remembered the old witch house I came across . I told him I did and he pulled it out and showed it to me . I couldn 't believe or understand what I saw . The house and trees were in the picture , but the strange paintings that covered the house were not there . All I saw was an old tan stucco house . I have a story that is already on here called ' The Long Dirt Road ' and in order to get the full story you might want to read it first . What I 'm about to say is very real and I am in no way embellishing or exaggerating . My only goal or reasoning in sharing my experiences with you all is simply because for lack of a better term I am starting to become very afraid . It all started with my first encounter with ' the little people ' . From the day I first saw them I knew I was a witness to something paranormal . I had no reason at the time to feel afraid of them or threatened . I will give you a quick description of what i saw that day . My home sits on the last paved part of the road that runs in front and continues for many many miles . When you get about six steps past my driveway the road turns into dirt . There are no lights on this road and my house is the last house for miles . I had taken a walk with my boys and seen these ' little people ' on the side of the road splashing in the recent rain puddles and just having fun . It was unbelievable and since then I have seen them many times . Now this is where my story begins . After my first encounter with them I seen them several times and they were always very shy acting and would remain at a good distance watching me curiously . One day about two weeks ago things began to change though . I am not sure what the reason and it has me so scared I am having trouble getting myself to even take out the trash at night . Now I saw them that afternoon just kinda watching me and when I put my hands on my hip they began to copy me . The smallest one looked just like the rest but the others seemed to treat him differently almost like a child . He had a black face and wore the same white clothes that looked very handmade . They all wore hats that looked exactly like a garden gnome and they had very large heads for the size of their small skinny bodies . The tallest one was no bigger than two foot or possibly two and a half . On this day though it was the smallest one who was copying me . When I had enough of the little game I sat down on my mother 's old wheel chair that had been sitting there on the patio . I stayed outside a few more minutes and then I went in for the night . When I woke the next morning it had rained and there were very tiny muddy foot prints leading from the tall weeds where I had seen them all the way up to the wheel chair and all over the seat . You could plainly see the tire tracks that were all over the patio from the wheel chair from being pushed around all over the place . I laughed to myself and just shrugged it off . This is where things began to change though . Later that night I was sitting on the sofa with my kids and I caught a quick flash of something run past the large windows in the front of our home . I decided it had to of been one of the many stray dogs in the area and continued watching the movie . It was not even a minute later that I began to feel like something was looking at me . It was nothing like the times I had seen them this was a very evil feeling . I was filled with fear and didn 't want to look but I made myself and what I saw made me give a silent scream and I swear my entire body felt like a bucket of ice was just poured on me . There hovering about three feet off the ground was a little person but this time his eyes were huge and glowing like a cat 's . The worst part though was the horrible smile on its face . His mouth was very wide and went from his ear to his other ear and was opened in an evil smile type laugh showing off rows of shark like teeth . I didn 't hear him out loud but it was more like he was putting it in my head and I could hear his laughing and chanting in some strange words that I had never heard of before . I began to close my eyes at this point and prayed for God to help me and to protect my children form whatever this thing was . When I opened my eyes I was sure he would be gone but he was still there and he was laughing even harder at me . I got up and led my kids to the back room to watch the television in there . At this point I was so afraid that this thing was going to find a way into my home and I did not need a psychic to tell me that it wanted to hurt us . When it was time for bed a few hours later I had calmed down and was doing a great job of convincing myself that I had seen something else and my eyes were just playing off lights of something . I laid down in bed and just as I began to get comfy I hear something hit my roof hard . Then it sounded like something running across the roof and went quiet . I asked my husband if he had heard it and he nodded that he did and motioned for me to be quiet so we could hear . A few minutes later we were sure it was a small animal until we heard what sounded like evil laughter coming from the air vent that leads to our attic . It began to make scratching sounds on the ceiling and it would whisper my name . This continued all night until around four in the morning and then it would just stop . I went through this every night for about five days and in the meantime my husband had went up into the attic to inspect for animals or birds or any kinds of hole that something could get inside but he found nothing . Then after the fifth night it got worse . I fell asleep that night and I was happy to have not heard a peep when I got awakened by something sitting on my chest and choking me . I couldn 't scream for help and I was sure I was going to die . I could smell this thing and feel its skin on mine . It smelled like something does when it is dead and has been lying in the summer heat for a few days . When I realized how strong it was I began to realize that I had no chance of getting it off me and so desperate I began thinking about jesus and I got an image in my head of him on the cross . At that very moment the thing let go of me for a moment and had a look of pure horror . It began to move backward like someone had just pressed the rewind button on a movie . It went back all the way to my bedroom door and then just stood there for what seemed like twenty minutes staring at mean with a look on its face that was indescribable . It looked just like it had every time I had seen it but this time it was completely naked and had no form of anatomy and its skin looked to be burned all over . At this point I was able to move again and gathered up all my courage and quickly sat up and turned for the lamp beside my bed . When I looked back it was gone but there was a black spot on the floor where it had been . I Got up and as I looked closer I realized it was completely burned and still very hot to the touch on the area where it had stood . I ran over to my husband and he woke up easily which made me angry how he could not have heard or felt anything at all . I showed him the carpet and he looked at me and said , " Oh my god Jennifer , what happened to your neck ? " Now before he had said anything I hadn 't even noticed any burning or pain at all but as I looked in the mirror I was horrified and I just could not believe how I had not noticed it before . There were deep burns on either side of my neck and were beginning to become painful . Now I 'm not sure if it was in my mind since I was seeing it for the first time but I became uncontrollable and was shaking with fear . Now since this has happened I have heard it a few more times in my attic but I am in constant fear of another attack . What if this time it don 't let go ? Why is it acting this way towards me now when it seemed so harmless before ? If anyone knows anything about this or has a similar story I would be very excited to hear from you . I was told by a friend of mine that people around here call them duendes which means little people in Spanish and they say that they are tricksters and cause mischief . Other people have told me that they are elemental spirits . Whatever they are they are very dangerous and I am in fear for my life and most of all my children . |
The summer I was thirteen , the Japanese came to Ellis . Not Ellis , exactly , but to the old Tallgrass Ranch , which the government had turned into a relocation camp . Tallgrass was a mile and a half from Ellis , less than a mile past our farmhouse . It was one of the camps the government was building then to house the Japanese . In early 1942 , the Japanese on the West Coast had been rounded up and incarcerated in places such as the Santa Anita racetrack . Those destined for Colorado waited there until streets had been bladed into the yucca and sagebrush at Tallgrass , guard towers and barracks thrown up , and the camp fenced off with bobwire . Then they were put on a train and sent a thousand miles to Ellis . I remember the crowd of townspeople at the depot the day the first Japanese arrived . The arrival date was supposed to be a secret , but we knew the evacuees were coming , because the government had alerted the stationmaster and hired bus drivers , and guards with guns patrolled the station platform . I 'd sneaked away from my parents and gone to the depot , too , because I 'd never seen any Japanese . I expected them to look like the cartoons of Hirohito in the newspaper , with slanted eyes and buckteeth and skin like rancid butter . All these years later , I recall I was disappointed that they didn 't appear to be a " yellow peril " at all . They were so ordinary . That is what I remember most about them . The Japanese gripped the handrails as they got off the train because the steps were steep and their legs were short , and they frowned and blinked into the white - hot sun . They had made the trip with the shades in the coaches pulled down , and the glare of the prairie hurt their eyes . Most of the evacuees on that first train were men , dressed in suits , rumpled now after the long ride , ties that were loosened , and straw hats . Some had on felt hats , although it was August . The few women wore tailored skirts and blouses and summer dresses with shoulder pads , coats over their arms . They pulled scarves from their pocketbooks and tied them around their heads to keep the hot wind from blowing dust into their hair . Some of the women had on wedgies or open - toed spectator pumps and silk or rayon stockings . Each evacuee carried a single suitcase , because that was all they had been allowed to bring with them . The adults stood quietly in little groups , whispering , waiting to be told what to do . I expected one of the guards to take charge , to steer the people to the school buses lined up along the platform or tell them to go inside where it was cooler . But no one did , so they waited , confused . I wanted to point the evacuees to the drinking fountain and the bathrooms in the depot . They must have needed them . But I didn 't dare speak up . Some of the men took out packages of Camels and Chesterfields and Lucky Strikes and lighted cigarettes . None of them chewed tobacco , and none of the women smoked . Several children , cooped up for days , seemed glad to be out in the open , and they squatted down to examine the tracks or ran around , jerky as Mexican jumping beans . A little boy smiled at me , but I turned away , embarrassed to make a connection with him . I wondered if the kids were supposed to be our enemies , too . Then the mothers called to them , and the children joined their parents , fidgeting as they looked at us shyly . Only the children took notice of the group of townspeople on the platform staring at them , many hostile , all of us curious . A man who stepped down from the last car removed his hat , an expensive one that did not have sweat stains like the hats the farmers wore . He smoothed his hair , which appeared to have been slicked back with Vitalis or some other hair oil , because every strand was in place , despite the wind . Holding the hat in his hand , he rubbed his wrist across his forehead . Shading his eyes , he squinted at the prairie grass that glinted like brass in the sun and asked the man beside him , " Where are we ? " The second man shrugged , and I suddenly felt sorry for the Japanese . What if the government had taken over our farm and sent us far away on the train , and nobody would tell us our destination ? But we weren 't Japanese . We were Americans . Her husband shushed her . " Don 't tell those people where they 're at . Don 't you know nothing ? " He rubbed his big face with a hand that the sun had turned as brown as a walnut . The man had shaved before coming to town . You could tell by the tiny clots of dried blood where he had nicked himself and the clumps of whiskers the razor had missed . They stuck up in the folds of his skin like willow shoots in a gully . The Japanese man looked into the crowd , searching for the woman who 'd spoken . She kept still , however , so he put his hat back on , tightened his tie , and buttoned his suit jacket as he leaned down to whisper something to a girl about my age . I admired her saddle shoes , thinking she must be rich , because saddle shoes cost more than the plain brown oxfords Mom bought me . I wondered how long her shoes would stay white in the dirt of Tallgrass . It wasn 't likely that she 'd put shoe polish into her small suitcase . The girl shook back her hair , which was long and black and glossy . I had never seen such hair . It was as if coal had been spun into long threads . She unfolded a scarf splashed with pink flowers and put it around her head , tying it at the back of her neck , under her hair . I could . He was Beaner Jack . I knew because Danny Spano stopped chugging his Grapette long enough to slap Beaner on the back and say , " Good one . " Beaner and Danny were always together , except for the time when Danny was in the army . He 'd been in an accident at Camp Carson , near Colorado Springs , and hurt his foot , and the army didn 't want him anymore , so he 'd been mustered out . Now he was back in Ellis . Both Danny and Beaner were eighteen , the age of my sister , Marthalice , who had gone to Denver to work in an arms plant after she graduated in May . I didn 't know whether she 'd done it because she was patriotic or because she was blue after her favorite boyfriend , Hank Gantz , quit school to join the navy . My brother , Buddy , who was twenty - one , had left college to enlist in the army the week after Pearl Harbor . " Haw haw , " said Marlys , one of the high school girls who were standing beside the boys . She smiled at Danny , because he was tall and had curly black hair like a movie star . Beaner , on the other hand , was squat , with hair as thin as corn silk . He 'd be bald one day , like the rest of the Jacks . And mean , too . I didn 't understand how people could be as mean as the Jacks . It was just their nature , I guess . They had meanness in their bones . I couldn 't imagine my telling a grown - up that he had buckteeth , but I wasn 't surprised that Beaner did . " Beaner 's a bushel of cow pucky , " whispered Betty Joyce Snow , who was standing on the platform next to me , and we both giggled . With Marthalice gone , I was especially glad that Betty Joyce was my best friend . We told each other everything . Betty Joyce and I got along as squarely as anybody . She 'd sneaked away from her father 's hardware store to come to the station , and I knew she 'd have the dickens to pay if her dad found out . Then Lum Smith observed , " I don 't see nothing wrong with them . They don 't even hardly look like Japs , some of ' em anyway . " He was a small , henpecked man with no chin , like Andy Gump in the comic strips . His wife , Bird , frowned at him . Bird Smith 's hair was in pin curls , covered by a red bandanna that was tied at the top of her head . The ends of the scarf stuck up like rabbit ears . Stout , with legs the size of Yule logs , she didn 't look much like her name . She didn 't sound like it , either . Mrs . Smith was one of the dozen members of Mom 's quilting group , the Jolly Stitchers , which meant they considered themselves friends , but Mom didn 't seem to care much for her . I was glad that at thirteen , I didn 't have to be friends with anybody . " That 's why they 're so dangerous , " Mr . Rubey said . " You 'd not hardly think they was the enemy . But it 's a fact . Some of them have a shortwave with a direct line to Tojo . " He jerked back his head for emphasis , sticking out his chest , which made his overalls pull up over his big hams . " No , sir . " Edgar was the smartest boy in my grade , but he was a twerp . Once , I said New York City was the capital of New York State , and Edgar asked if I wanted to bet on it . I was so sure I was right that I bet a quarter . But I was wrong , and Edgar lorded it over me , saying only a dummy would bet against him . He 'd known all along that the capital was Albany , because he 'd visited his aunt and uncle there . That wasn 't fair , and I didn 't have a quarter . But I wasn 't a welsher , so I paid off Edgar at five cents a week . Then he made me pay him three cents ' interest . " They ride on a machine , while I ride my horse to town , " said Olney Larsoo , who ran the filling station . His face was raw , as if it had been scoured by sand , like paint on a frame house in a storm . " I 'm a World War One vet , and they 're a bunch of damn foreigners . " He leaned over the edge of the platform and spit out his wad . A man made his way through the crowd then and said just loudly enough for all of us to hear , " Those folks came from California . Where at is it you 're from , Frank ? " People laughed because Mr . Martin had moved to Ellis from Italy after the Great War , and he ate spaghetti and sold dago red to the high school boys for fifty cents a jar . His real name was Martinelli , and some people said that meant jackass in Italian . Mr . Martin sent a reproachful look at the man who 'd spoken . I couldn 't see him , but I recognized the voice . It belonged to my father , and he came up beside me and took my arm . " We 've been looking for you , Squirt . We thought you were with Granny . I reckon there 's chores to do . " He glanced over at Betty Joyce , who 'd begun studying the splintery boards of the platform , but he didn 't say anything to her . If Betty Joyce 's father thought I should go home , he 'd tell me in a second , but Dad wouldn 't discipline another man 's child . " I wanted to see the Japs , " I said , my face red . I knew Dad was disappointed that I 'd come to the station . He 'd said on the way into town that Ellis folks should have the decency to leave the evacuees alone . He hadn 't exactly told me I couldn 't go to the depot , but that wouldn 't be much of a defense if Dad decided to scold me . He 'd accuse me of fuzzy - headed logic , and he might feel he had to start telling me what to do again , as if I were still a little kid . Since Buddy and Marthalice had gone away , Dad had trusted me to make more of my own decisions . But at least he wouldn 't smack me the way Betty Joyce 's father smacked her . " All I see are some unlucky Americans . By Dan , I dislike the enemy as much as the next fellow , but I don 't see any enemy here , " he said as Mr . Rubey turned his hands into fists . People stepped back a little . Dad wasn 't a big man , just average in height and size , and his dark hair had begun to creep back on his forehead . He didn 't look like a fighting man , but folks around Ellis knew enough not to take him on . Once when I was in third grade , Ralph Muggins complained to the teacher , Mr . Gross , that someone had stolen a boiled egg from his lunch bucket . Mr . Gross told us all to open our lunch pails . I had a giant boiled egg in mine , and the teacher ordered me to admit I 'd stolen it and apologize to Ralph . When I wouldn 't do it , Mr . Gross made me stand in the dark cloakroom . At first , I wasn 't scared , just humiliated , knowing that the drone in the room meant my classmates were talking about me , accusing me of being a thief . When the bell rang , dismissing classes , and the room grew quiet , however , I wondered if I 'd have to stay there all night . The closet was stuffy , and the closeness made me sleepy , but I was afraid to sit down , for fear of rats . Dad was in town that afternoon and heard the bell and decided to give me a ride home . He ran into Mr . Gross as he was leaving the school . " Oops , I put Rennie in the cloakroom to punish her for stealing , and I forgot about her , " Mr . Gross told Dad , giving an apologetic shrug . " Good thing you came along , Mr . Stroud . I sure wouldn 't like to have to come back all this way to let her out . " Dad rushed to the classroom , grabbed me , and carried me outside . Then he slugged Mr . Gross so hard that the teacher fell to the dirt , breaking his glasses . Dad would have killed him , but Mr . Gross refused to stand up , and Dad wouldn 't hit a man who was down . Although he apologized to me in class the next day , Mr . Gross didn 't come back the following year , and folks said he should have known all along that Mom had put the boiled egg in my lunch that morning : Mom 's eggs were the biggest in Bondurant County , and the Muggins raised guinea hens . I never liked closed , dark spaces after that . And people were careful not to cross my father . Dad stared until Mr . Rubey put his hands into his pockets ; then Dad said , " Good day to you , sir . " He turned and , pulling me behind him , went back through the crowd , people parting to let us through . I looked over my shoulder to tell Betty Joyce good - bye , but she was watching the yellow dogs lumber onto the washboard Tallgrass Road . The yellow dogs sent up plumes of dust , which settled over the people at the depot . Men took out bandannas to wipe their faces , which were grimy with dust and sweat . A woman pulled her long apron up over her head . I 'd seen pictures of California vineyards and orange groves , and I thought how bewildered the Japanese would be when they saw their new home carved out of the treeless prairie . Some would live there for three years , until V - J day . As Dad and I jumped off the platform next to the depot , a man with a pencil and a pad of paper got up from the running board of a car where he had been sitting , watching , and came over to us . " Seems like folks aren 't too happy about the Japs being here , " he said . Dad stared at the man until he explained who he was . " Jeff Cheever , Denver Post . I 'm doing a story on the Tallgrass Internment Camp . Like I say , it seems that you wheat farmers aren 't too happy it 's here . " Dad didn 't answer at first . Instead , he pulled out the makings , sprinkled tobacco onto a cigarette paper , rolled it up , and licked it shut . The reporter took out a lighter , but before he could flick it , Dad struck a kitchen match on his overalls and lighted the cigarette , which was twisted at the ends and bent a little in the middle . Dad glanced over at a second man , who was fitting a flashbulb into a big square camera . " Sugar beets . This is sugar beet country . You better get that right , son . " Dad inhaled and blew smoke out of his mouth . " There 's some would like to talk to you about it . I 'm not amongst them . Good day to you . " Dad touched his straw hat to the man and started off . Dad stopped , and I hoped he 'd changed his mind . Getting our name in the paper would be exciting . People would read what Dad had said and remark on it . Kids would say , " Hey , I read about your dad in the Post . " I 'd cut out the story and paste it in my scrapbook and get extra copies to send to Buddy and Marthalice . Before the reporter could reply , Mr . Smith interrupted . " Well , I 'm not so particular . I 've got a piece to say , if you want to listen . I think they ought to 've shipped them to Japan , and the governor with them . If the governor had ran for office right now , he wouldn 't get my vote or anybody else 's . " When the government announced it was evacuating the Japanese from the West Coast , most states made it plain they didn 't want them , but Colorado governor Ralph Carr said it was all right to send them to Colorado . He was never elected to office again . " Lum Smith . That 's Lum for Columbus , father of our country , " Mr . Smith said . He grinned while the photographer took his picture . I wondered if Christopher Columbus was the same father of our country as the first president of the United States , Mr . George Washington . " You should have talked to him , Loyal . You could have told him there 's some of us here that don 't hate the Japanese . That reporter 's going to write us up like we 're a bunch of rednecks , " said Redhead Joe Lee , who was standing at the edge of the crowd . He ran one of the two drugstores in Ellis , the one where we traded , because Mom didn 't like the way Mr . Elliot , the owner of the other , patted her on the fanny once when she went in to buy a bottle of Mercurochrome . That was okay with me , because I didn 't like Mr . Elliot 's son , Pete , who was a friend of Beaner and Danny . The Lee Drug had perfume and dusting powder on the counters and a marble soda fountain and tables with wire legs and wire chairs . Someday , I 'd have a boyfriend who would take me there , and I could sit with one leg under me , the way Marthalice did , and lean my elbows on the table while I drank a Coca - Cola through a straw and flirted . Maybe he 'd buy me a blue bottle of Evening in Paris cologne for my birthday . Sure , I thought , right after I win first place on " Major Bowes ' Original Amateur Hour . " " You 're the fellow that can give it to him straight , " said Mr . Lee , who was in shirtsleeves and had on a vest that was buttoned wrong , maybe because he 'd been in a hurry to take off his white coat and get to the depot . He was almost as handsome as Dad , and Mom called him " Ellis 's most eligible bachelor . " That didn 't mean much , however , because most of the other bachelors were hired men . Dad smoked his cigarette down to his fingers , then dropped it in the dirt and ground it out with his foot . " I 'm straight as a string , all right , Red . I sure am good - looking , too . " Dad paused . " Isn 't that right , Mother ? " " Oh , she thinks I 'm good - looking as a barber . She can 't hardly keep her hands off me , " Dad told Mr . Lee , grinning at Mom so openly that she shook her head and looked away . Mom was tall , and instead of being nicely plump like she used to be , she 'd lost weight since Buddy had joined up . Her face had become gaunt , and she seemed tired all the time . There was gray in her blond hair , too . But Dad still told her she was the prettiest thing since strawberry ice cream , and he believed it . I suppose I knew that there was something special about my parents , although I never thought much about it . They never criticized each other like the Smiths , never argued the way Betty Joyce 's parents did . They respected each other - and me , too - and I was still hoping they wouldn 't say I 'd let them down by coming to the station to watch the Japanese . There wasn 't anything as hard to take as my folks ' disappointment ; now that my brother and sister were gone , I had to bear all their disappointment . " I think you ought not to stir up trouble . Who knows what the Jolly Stitchers would say to that ? " Then she told us to come along because Granny was waiting and might wander off . " And how is the old lady ? " Mr . Lee asked , scratching at his head . He had only a fringe of hair , and his freckled bald head was always peeling , even in the winter . " Granny forgets . And she frets about that . But then she forgets she forgets . " Dad sighed . " There 's things I 'd like to forget right about now , so I guess she isn 't in such a bad way . " My grandmother had forgotten most of what had happened in the past forty years . I loved Granny , who was sweet and smelled like cinnamon and lavender powder , and sometimes wandered into my room and slept with me . That was because when my sister went off to Denver , Mom moved me out of the big bedroom we 'd shared and into Granny 's room , giving Granny the front bedroom . It was sunny , and Granny could sit by the window , piecing quilt tops . " I 'm making this one for Mattie , " she 'd told me last week . Mattie was her sister , who 'd lived in Mingo and died there in the early part of the century . Sometimes Granny forgot she had moved into the front bedroom , and then she 'd go into her old room , curling up like a kitten in the bed beside me and keeping me warm . From time to time , she would snap out of her dreamy world and recall something that had happened a long time ago - or as little as a month or two ago . " I didn 't make Buddy a quilt to take off to war , because soldier boys now have good warm blankets . Remember , Buddy wrote that in his letter , " she 'd said one night at dinner . Dad said he didn 't guess we 'd lose the farm for two bits . Besides , with the war , crops were going sky - high , and we 'd be rolling in money . " Might be we could sell a little something to the Tallgrass Camp . They 're going to need eggs . " " Somebody has to provide them with eggs , and if we do it , those folks 'll eat choice . It wouldn 't surprise me if the government 's giving them the powdered stuff , " Dad told her . " Squirt and me will wait in the wagon with Granny whilst you buy your cloth . " " Perhaps I will , then . Granny favors yellow . " Mom didn 't really believe the Depression was over , and it pained her to spend money on herself , so she had to be convinced that it was going for someone else . Mom went off to the dry goods - she walked slower now than she used to - while Dad and I headed toward the wagon . We had a truck , but we drove the wagon when we could to save on gasoline and tires . We were so close to town that we might have walked if it hadn 't been for Granny . " How do you feel about the Japanese , Squirt ? " Dad asked as we reached the wagon , where Granny sat with her piecing . One good thing about being the only kid left at home was that Dad asked my opinion more often . He listened , too . I thought hard how to answer him , because I wanted to say something that Dad would be proud of , that he would repeat at the feed store . He 'd say , " You know , my daughter says . . . " But the truth was , I didn 't know how I felt . The Japanese at the depot didn 't seem like alien enemies working for the downfall of America , but how would I know ? The government wouldn 't have sent them to Tallgrass if it hadn 't believed they were dangerous . That made me uneasy , and I wished the camp were someplace else . " Somebody at the depot said they were spies and that we ought to lock them up , " I said . " If you locked up people for minding other folks ' business , the jail would be full . " Dad gave me a sly glance . " They 'd have a cell just for your mom 's quilt circle . " Dad nodded , looking off down the Tallgrass Road . The dust had settled , and there was no sign of the evacuees or the yellow dogs . Maybe he did repeat what I said at the feed store . He told Mom , and years later , he reminded me of it . Tallgrass did indeed bring the war to us , brought it more than the shortages or rationing or the news on the radio . It made the war as close to us as what happened to Buddy . I grew up during World War II . When the war started , I was a little girl . By the time it ended , I 'd become a young woman who had seen much of sorrow and sadness . Tallgrass became our own personal war . Excerpted from TALLGRASS © Copyright 2011 by Sandra Dallas . Reprinted with permission by St . Martin 's Press . All rights reserved . |
A good deed I woke up with a headache and a drooling mouth . When I tried to clean it I found out that my hands were shackled to the wall . As I tried to make sense of my situation , my eyes met another pair , which silently gazed at me . He said something , but his voice was merely background noise while my brain attempted to untangle the thoughts racing through my mind . " I remember my warm bed . " I replied . Perhaps if I close my eyes I 'll wake up there again . His only reply was a shadow of frustration that briefly perched on his brow . But it didn 't linger for long . He was about to say something else , when the door was opened . David curled himself up even more against the wall as a man walked in . He kneeled in front of me and grabbed my cheeks with his boney fingers , turning my face one way and then another , while he seemed to conduct a very superficial inspection of my state . When he was satisfied , he dropped his hand on my leg and smiled with a mouth so ugly that most of his teeth had already ran away . " What a fine specimen we have here , " he giggled . I didn 't enjoy the sudden intimacy , so I kicked him in the ribs . Being not much more than a walking skeleton , he was easily thrown across the room . When he got up , I recognised the fire in his eyes and took his kicks and punches without complaining . David blabbered something about me being crazy and to keep my head down , but I was more worried about assessing the situation , so I ignored him . It must be so distracting to have all those feelings demanding constant attention inside your head . I never understood why normal people are so fond of emotions . Right now , his were turning him into a depressing ball of human sweat . It took me a second to decide what I would answer . Telling him the truth would cause him either to freak out even more or to start yelling at me again . My patience has its limits . I forced myself to breathe in and sigh out . " Look , all you have to know about what I do for a living is that I 'm used to this kind of situations . So let 's make a deal : I promise to get you out of here alive if you promise to keep your mouth shut and do what I say . " He thought for a while . He was probably weighing his slim options , whether he could trust me and whether he actually had a choice . Finally , he agreed . He got a morsel of hope and I got some peace and a much needed helping hand . Everyone 's happy . And they say I 'm not a people person … " We 'll have to do the girl first , " said Mafia Guy , scrutinizing the papers on his clipboard . " The other one is running late . Get her ready . " He took a last look at me and disappeared , leaving the door half open . Probably , my short stature and girly look gave me the appearance of a job that could easily be handled by one person . I was appreciative of the opportunity but also slightly offended . Bones walked towards me with a key in his hand . As soon as I heard that ' click ' , I quickly moved my arm away from his reaching hand , and landed my fist on his face . He fell backwards and I threw my legs around his neck . I pulled him closer as he struggled and covered his mouth with my free hand to keep him silent , while trying to use my full weight to smother him until his consciousness drifted away . Then , I seized the key that had fallen next to us , released my left hand and went over to free David . Frisking Bones quickly , I found his gun , checked it for bullets and that it was ready to fire . After putting my head carefully out of the door , I realised that our room opened into a hallway with a flight of stairs at the opposite end , leading up . David followed my steps cautiously , with wide eyes and fidgety hands . The first door on the right was open and we could hear voices , so that 's where I started . With my back against the wall , I listened attentively and was able to distinguish two voices . Let 's hope there isn 't a mute in there as well , I thought . I gestured David to stay put and I slid in , firing the borrowed gun at two men dressed in surgical gowns . In a matter of seconds , there were no more voices , but simply a heavy silence floating in the room . I told David to get in and look for answers in the pile of documents lying on the table , while I stood by the door waiting for anyone that might have heard the shots . I could see that he was shaking as he went in , and he didn 't get much better once he noticed the two bodies on the floor . Reluctantly , he went through the papers scattered on the table . Medical files ? They had access to my file ? I moved away from the door and had a look . Sure enough , there was my medical file , along with David 's and a few others . While I was distracted inspecting the papers , something moved by the door . In a split second , my instincts took over and I ducked under the table , pulling David down with me , as a wave of bullets hit the wall above us . Under the table , I took aim at the shooter 's legs and when he fell I took aim at his head . It was Mafia Guy . I waited a while and then got up , dragging the terrified dead - weight with me . I handed David the man 's gun , who looked at it as if it was about to bite him . " You know how to use that ? " I asked . I took his resigned countenance as a yes . We moved on to the next door but it was locked . " Not yet . " These people needed me for a reason and they had access to a lot of information . After all , finding matching donors for organ donation wasn 't easy and they wouldn 't leave a witness walking about . I wasn 't going to live my life looking over my shoulder , and going to the police was out of the question for me . This had to end here . We headed to the last door and walked into a large , pale surgical room . Poorly hidden behind the surgical table , I found a nurse shivering and sobbing in a pool of tears , which I quickly put out of her misery . I could hear David gasp in horror behind me . I didn 't care . I wasn 't leaving witnesses that might come after me . Suddenly , my eye caught a familiar face . Crouching behind one of the machines was my doctor . The one that was always generously paid to fix me after my assignments and to keep what happened in his office away from the police 's ears . " Care to explain ? " I asked him as he was getting up . He looked at me for a while and then greeted David , who was as shocked to see him as I was . I could see the fear in the doctor 's eyes , even though the old man liked to play tough . " Well , what do you want me to say ? " He responded defiantly . " Taking a crook like you away from this world could almost be considered a civic duty . " " Are you kidding ? They are giving me over £ 100 . 000 for your heart alone . And something close to that for Mr . Hill 's liver . " " Mr . Hill , as you can see , there is a lot of money involved here and , if you help me , a part of it could be yours . The rest of the men are bringing the patient for the transplant as we speak , and they will soon put an end to this little stunt of yours . But I can talk to them on your behalf . After all , this lady is a very bad person . You 'd be saving innocent lives … " So the patient was coming over to us ? Good , I would like to have a chat with the idiot who got me into this mess . I looked at David , curious about what he would decide . Somehow , I wasn 't very surprised when his shaking hand starting to point the gun at me . " Off you go now . Follow that path and you should find your way out . " He seemed surprised . " I promised I would get you out , didn 't I ? What are you waiting for ? Run ! " And run he did . Probably thought I would shoot him in the back . That 's people for you . They always assume I 'm as petty as them . They forget that in order for them to hurt my feelings I would need to have feelings in the first place . I hid in the house and only had to wait for half an hour before they arrived . Two escorts with their guard down and a sick man . It was a fast job . I took their guns just in case , as well as a pack of cigarettes and a lighter , and headed downstairs to get the files . David 's too . The records of our existence were soon reduced to a pile of ashes . Once outside , my nostrils took a deep breath of fresh air . I lit a cigarette . I figured I might as well . After all , being healthy almost got me killed . Little Old Things The woman with black hair and green eyes smiled warmly as the man behind the counter handed her the key to her room . He was starting to tell her how to find it , when he stopped mid sentence and decided to take her there instead . The place was quiet , too quiet , and he couldn 't stand the silence that resounded throughout the whole building , grating his ears as nails on a board . He led the way while the woman followed in silence , as if a holy ritual was being performed with every step . When they reached the door to her room she thanked the man and he bade her goodnight , turning away to return to his designated post behind the counter . Now , back to the orchestra of cracking floorboards and rain splattering against the windows , he thought about her . A spectre of white , marbled skin , under a veil of hair as dark as the deep corners of a forbidden forest , had walked into his modest B & B so silently that he only realised she stood behind him when he heard her voice . Her face looked like it had been dried by the passing of the years , her thin body sinking under a black dress of mourning and reverence , a body that seemed to him so out of context away from the golden coffins that are gently cradled by the voice of eternity under the ancient sands of the Nile . " One night , " that 's all she said to him . He tried to read the name she had written down in his book , but her handwriting was impossible to decipher . He heard the kitchen door opening and closing and recognised the cotton steps heading towards him . " Thank you . It 's an old house and much of her beauty has been eroded by time . I would like to restore her but I 'm afraid the business isn 't doing very well at the moment . " " That 's a shame , " she replied . " To allow such a beautiful place to go to waste … I like old things , you see . Old things are thumb stones to all the memories that lived and died around them . Like this watch , for example , " she removed a silver , hand sculptured pocket watch from her purse and showed it to the host . " This watch is as old as time itself . It has seen the rise of mankind and it shall be here to see its fall . " " If it was here before mankind , then who made it ? " He asks . " Not who , but what , " she replied . " But that doesn 't matter at the moment . I want to give it to you as a thank you for having such a pleasant stay . It might help you . Keep it here , close to the front door and good things shall come through it " . " When good things happen … well , don 't question too much . Never try to discover how the watch 's mysteries come to be . It will only break the spell . Make sure you always remember this . " And , with that , she left . The man looked at the beautiful watch resting in his hand , time reverberating gently through his skin with ever tick and every tock . He let out a long sigh . If he sold it , he thought , perhaps he could get enough money to improve his business . " I 'll do it tomorrow " , he decided , for he had a day of work ahead of him . He opened a drawer and placed the watch carefully in it . He starred at it for a minute before finally closing the drawer and going about his work . That day , the mood of the skies changed quickly , with a sunny winter morning turning into an evening of dark stormy clouds , fat with rain and thunder . Throughout the night , the rain knocked against the roof tiles and the windows , like a wet monster begging to be let in , while the wind whistled the ancient songs it had learned far away , bringing with it razors of cold and desolation that swirled around the old house , grazing even further its already beaten surface . At midnight , as the host and his family lay asleep in their beds , oblivious to the changes happening outside , everything went quiet for a moment . Then , with all the force of a torrent , wind and rain forced open all the doors and all the windows , and all went dark inside the old B & B . Family and guests got out of their beds in panic , running about the house closing windows , shutting doors , holding candles that kept being blown off even when there was no wind left in the room . Eventually , things calmed down and everyone was able to return to the land of forgotten fantasies that awaited them in their wooden nests . In hearing this , the man hurried downstairs . When he reached the bottom of the stairs he looked perplexed at the amount of guests flooding his living room . He ran quickly to the counter and started taking names and handing out keys as fast as he could . His little B & B was full by nightfall and the host struggled to find an old forgotten ' Sold out ' sign that his memory assured he still had , hidden under a pile of dust somewhere . As the days passed , the guests kept coming one after another and he easily forgot about the watch and the strange woman who had given it to him . It was only when he opened that drawer looking for a pen that he was reminded of that morning . Now , he began to take her words more seriously . Could it be possible that the watch had caused all of this ? He took the delicate object out of the drawer and held it in his hands in order to see it better . He opened it and closed it again . It was indeed a beautiful piece of craftsmanship , but could it really be magical ? That seemed nonsense to him . After some time , finding that he couldn 't keep it to himself any longer , he decided to tell his wife and daughter what had happened , so as to get their opinion on the matter . As he told them about the woman , the watch , and the warning that she had made before leaving , he was amazed to find excitement in their faces instead of the surprise that he was expecting . Day after day , their B & B seemed to never lose its charm . The rooms were always clean , the flowers were always fresh , the garden was always tended and , every now and then , a brand new garden gnome would appear , like a colourful flower that sprouted during the night . But , remembering the warning that the woman had given , the family never tried to figure out how all of these things were happening . At first , their curiosity was gnawing at their imagination , but soon it all became routine and they grew accustomed to all the mysterious helping hands working around them . And so , they lived happily for a very long time . Most of the guests ended up returning several times and some of them even became long term residents , so the little house was soon filled with new friendships and familiar faces , which made the family 's work and life much more pleasant than before . Of course , every now and then , a guest would leave during the night without paying , but these were rare and for the most part their guests were all pleasant and respectful . One evening , a new couple checked in . At first they seemed perfectly nice but , later on at dinner , after having had a few drinks , the couple began to fight in the middle of the dining room . The other guests were visibly disturbed and a few went up to their rooms sooner than usual , but not without complaining about the noisy couple . The host , who was very tired after a long day of work , gathered all the patience he still had left in him and was able to persuade the couple to retire to their room . During the night , however , the husband became hungry and decided to pay a visit to the kitchen , in order to get something to eat . Half asleep , he dragged himself through the corridors in the darkness , his hands following invisible patterns on the walls . When he reached the kitchen door , he stopped . A dozen child - like voices could be heard singing in unison on the other side , their melody accompanied by an orchestra of kitchen sounds , such as plates and pans , and things boiling and cooking . The man opened the door and went in . " It was him , officer ! " Shouted the woman behind two salty rivers of tears , raising her shaking hand to point at the host . " He was rude to us last night and then he went up to our bedroom and took my husband ! " " Please , madam , I would never do such a thing , " retorted the host . " Your husband has had quite a lot to drink last night . I 'm sure he simply wandered off somewhere while you were asleep and will turn up eventually . " The police tried to get her to go home but she refused . She decided that she wouldn 't leave the B & B until her husband was found . The police , however , without finding any sign of a crime , assured the wife that her husband probably had just left . These cases were common , they said . After all , the couple had been fighting that night and there was no reason to believe that anyone had any real grudge against the man . The officers eventually left , leaving behind a vague promise that they would look into it further . The wife , however , was determined that something had happened . She knew her husband and she was sure that he wouldn 't leave , not like that . No , it was that host ! He clearly had taken a dislike to her husband . She could tell by the way that he talked to them that night . Sure , they were a little loud , but nothing that would merit such a rude attitude . No , her husband didn 't run . It was the host ! He did something to him during the night and she was determined to find proof of that . Hours later , she lay in bed listening to the faint noises that floated gently in the dead of the night . The old house moaned , the invisible mice chased each other inside the walls , the wind sang haunted lullabies that made the trees dance under a ceiling of stars . Unable to fall asleep , she got up and silently headed for the kitchen to get a glass of water . As she opened the door , her eyes faced a sight that made her wonder whether she was still in her bed dreaming . In front of her , a great number of incredibly tiny people went about the kitchen cooking and singing and cleaning . They all stopped at the same time and looked at her . A little winged person took flight and stood hovering in front of her nose for a while , before blowing a strange powder into her eyes . The next day the host let out a sigh of relief when he found out that the woman 's room was empty and that she was gone . All that excitement was affecting the atmosphere in the house and he couldn 't wait for things to go back to normal . This whole affair seemed quite strange to him , but then again he was used to ignoring anything that seemed unusual . And so , after some time , he was able to put the whole thing out of his mind . As he was walking down the stairs his daughter was coming in from her morning walk . " Good morning father " , she greeted , " Have you seen the new gnome that we have in the garden ? ( This story was created for the NYC Midnight Short Story Challenge ) Author toserendipityandbeyondPosted on February 17 , 2017February 17 , 2017Categories TaleTags B & B , competition , dark , fairies , fairy tale , fiction , mystery , NYC challenge , short story , Tale1 Comment on Little Old Things Shared from WordPress Life in a hostel - http : / / wp . me / p8nXgI - 4n Author toserendipityandbeyondPosted on February 17 , 2017February 17 , 2017Categories poetryTags comedy , poetry , politicians , politics , satire , votingLeave a comment on Tease me dear politician Ballerina The ballerina 's pointe shoes are now torn and weary . Her toes are broken from tip - toeing a waltz on top of this silk thread of expectations . Her arms are tired of holding the same shapes of black and white around her masks . Her tutu waves goodbye to the freedom of childhood and melancholically shakes itself away into the shape of perfection . Lean , tall , a skeleton of broken whispers , her small breasts barely dare to cushion her woes . Her toes keep pointing down , down , where her gaze is meant to be while she dances a sad dance , a funeral march of what could never be . The dew drops on her forehead cascade through her soul like tears of salty anguish , little liquid mirrors that reflect the contraction of long - worn muscles . The holes in her shoes are getting bigger and bigger and , suddenly , she starts to see where her toes are pointing to . She can see the dust and shadows of her tortures and she longs for a new tune that will carry her heart away from its steady rhythm . And so she breaks the choreography in an attempt to look up . Her eyes become fixed in the feathered hopes that fly above and she stops the dance . A silence of suspense keeps time imprisoned in its grip . The mighty hand lets go and so does she . She takes off her heavy pointe shoes and jumps . Se knows that she might fall but she jumps anyway . She jumps into her true self without fear or shame . She lands on quicksand , improvising her own dance , moving to her own humming , which grows and swells , gradually steadying the floor beneath her , allowing her to hear herself sing . Author toserendipityandbeyondPosted on February 17 , 2017February 17 , 2017Categories essayTags ballerina , ballet , dance , essay , fear , freedom , girl , girls , liberty , life , woman , womenLeave a comment on Ballerina The day the Sea stood still One day the Sea got tired of always going back and forth , back and forth , back and forth . And so , it stopped . The Wind blew harder and harder hoping to make her friend move again , but the effort was in vain , for the Sea had decided it was time to rest . The Wind asked : ' Why aren 't you dancing with me anymore ? ' Gently , the Sea answers : ' Because I 'm tired . All of these centuries moving up and down , touching the sand and running away , only to come back up and touch it once more , always rising and falling , and for what ? ' ' I don 't know ' , whispered the Wind , ' but I like dancing with you . Goodbye old friend , I shall go looking for another dancing partner ' . ' Goodbye ' , answer the Sea . The Wind went away , not expecting to return . The day crossed the sky until it dived into the Western horizon . From the other side the night was born . And with it came the the Moon , full and white , her pale light gently caressing the dark waters , impatiently waiting for the Sea to rise to look at her . But the Sea didn 't rise . Partly frustrated , partly intrigued , she asked : ' Why don 't you rise to admire me tonight ? ' , to which the Sea replied : ' My dear Moon , for ages and ages , every day and every night I used to rise to more closely look at you and each time I would fall back down again to admire your amazing beauty against the starry sky . But after all these years I am old and tired , and I need to rest . ' With great sadness the Moon said : ' My dear Sea , how I will miss your devoted admiration ! ' And so the Moon , vain as she was , spent her time admiring her own image in the calm watery mirror of the Sea . But she soon got bored now that she had lost her favourite admirer , and quickly crossed the sky to go to bed . As soon as she disappeared , the day came up again . The Sun didn 't understand why the night had been so short , but he didn 't mind and actually enjoyed it , for it gave him a lot more time to reign in the sky . And then , the Men arrived . They came in large wooden ships , with big pearly sails , always rowing , and rowing and rowing . They had to row because they couldn 't use their sails without Wind . They rowed until they didn 't have the strength to row anymore . In a moment of despair one of the Men shouted to the sky : ' Where are you Wind ? Why aren 't you here to fill our sails ? ' A seagull that was passing by responded : ' The Wind left because the Sea refuses to dance ' . At first , the Men didn 't quite believe in it but , after several months of waiting for a breeze that never appeared , they gave up and , just like the Wind and the Moon , they also decided to leave . The Sea was now all alone . Even the clouds didn 't visit him , for the clouds need Wind to travel . The days became longer and hotter , for the Moon was easily bored by the Sea 's monotonous company . After months of excruciating heat and unbearable solitude , the Sea , missing his friends , reconsidered his decision . Even though he was disappointed in his friends for leaving him , he realised that he really enjoyed dancing with the Wind , gazing at the Moon and being tickled by the Men 's ships . He decided that he would move again , even if it was exhausting to him . And so he did . The first one to notice was the Moon , who was delighted to have her dedicated lover back . That night lasted the equivalent of two days , for they missed each other very much . When the Moon finally went to sleep and the Sun , who was very upset for having to wait for so long , finally came up again , the Sea wondered what he could do to bring back the Wind . He eventually decided to ask the birds to go look for her . They went to land , returning hours later with the Wind in their wings . The Wind was very happy to have her old dance partner again , and so they danced like never before . All of this dancing was very noisy , for the waves were very big and were crashing madly against the rocks . When the Men heard this , they rapidly got inside the ships and sailed to the Sea to celebrate . The Sea wasn 't alone anymore . From that day forward , the Sea never stopped again . Sometimes he 's in a quieter mood , other times he may be in a great big rush , but he is always rising and falling , going and coming . Never again will he stay still , so that never again he will be alone . Author toserendipityandbeyondPosted on February 17 , 2017February 17 , 2017Categories TaleTags bed time story , children , fairy tale , fiction , nature , sea , story , TaleLeave a comment on The day the Sea stood still Trimmed Wings Cages of steel and stone made especially for birds of trimmed wings , who have long ago forgotten that they can even fly . Long , raised beaks that block their view and heavy curved nails that nail them to the ground so they can only walk , and sometimes skip , not knowing that they could be tucked away among the pearly clouds . Dark birds , colourful birds , white birds , transparent birds , loud birds and quiet ones too , they all feel an itchy emptiness in their breast , not realising that the answer lies in their now self trimmed wings . The falcons , eagles and owls fly above them with nonchalance and might , with a freedom they claim to offer but never truly deliver , for the other birds are their prey . So the caged birds look at them and dream and hope and think that one day , if they keep their nails on the floor and their beaks high , then one day they too will become a bird of prey , flying free among the others , looking down on all the ones that were too weak or too unworthy to become like them . But that never happens . Only the ones that stop trimming their own wings are the ones that get a chance to soar . As you all know , we have a very special pet in our hostel called Tic Toc . He is a dwarf crocodile , a very rare species endemic to the London hostels , and his main duty is to open the luggage room for our lovely guests . However , he is also in charge of eating those who don 't do [ … ] Nico , one of our favourite guests , was back on the kitchen tonight to make us some blueberry muffins with a delicious raspberry topping . His secret ? A pinch of cider added to the dough when you 're not looking . It was worth it though , the muffins were absolutely delicious ! I 'm voting for adding whiskey next time ! After [ … ] Let Ken Lum Lee take you on a photographic tour of Hangzhou and the breathtakingly beautiful Sheraton Grand Hangzhou Binjiang Hotel . Barbara Do you ever feel like something should feel familiar but in reality feels even more alien ? That 's exactly how I felt when I recently went to China . Although I grew up in London all [ … ] |
Ok , here is my report from the houses we saw today . We looked at 3 and drove past another one . That one I am going to go down and see on Tuesday without Chris . If I like it , I will have him drive down to see it too . I wrote out this report for my sister , and it was a lot of typing , so I am just going to cut and paste it here . 1st house : Broad St . It is a huge old victorian home , there is as much space as they claim , and more . The neighborhood is actually quite crowded . It is a small side street , but not a dead end , and every lot is built on . At the back of the property there is an alley that runs down to a ball field , so I am guessing that on game days that gets a lot of traffic , though it wouldn 't be fast . The yard was full of snow , so it was hard to see just what it was really like , but it seemed plenty big enough for the boys . The deck is just as pretty as it looks in the pictures , and has gates that lock at each of the steps - very nice ! The front porch is great too , with a porch swing . The kitchen was great , with new stove and refrigerator , a double sink and seating at the island . Lots of cupboard and pantry space . There is a laundry room on the first floor with a laundry sink , and a butler 's pantry between the kitchen and laundry room . There is a mud entrance to that area , with vinyl flooring . The second floor has 3 bedrooms and a bath , plus another small room that they had just installed a ton of closet organizer type shelving . The third floor has a den area at the top of the stairs , and 2 more rooms , plus a half bath . It also has one more room that isn 't finished to be used as storage . So here is what is wrong with the house : # 1 and biggest problem , the windows are old wooden single pane windows . No storm windows or screens . We are not even sure the windows open . There are a / c units in some of the windows , so I suspect at least some of them do not . # 2 is the bathrooms . On the second floor , the bathroom was just carved out of a bedroom , and the tub runs part way under one of the windows . There is no shower , just a ring overhead with a curtain . The sill on the window is in bad shape from water damage . Nothing structural , just ugly . I would definitely plan to redo that bath . The other full bath is on the first floor . It is off of the laundry room , and is tiny . Maybe 2 . 5 feet wide , with the sink right in the door , so you have to squeeze around the sink to get to the toilet . A pg woman would not be able to get to the toilet . That bath has a shower , not great but ok . Other negatives to consider : The paper is obnoxious but not hideous , we would live with it just fine after suffering in this house , lol . Parking is a short driveway in front of a garage . It is supposed to be a 2 car garage , but those would be 2 very skinny cars . Because of the snow we could not be sure just how wide the driveway really is , but for sure the van would never fit in the garage . We would have to work out how to get both cars into the drive . The laundry area is about even with the upstairs bath in terms of quality . Kind of icky . I 'm not sure how easy it would be to fix it up . Heating is gas forced air , and it has city water and sewer . I am very afraid of what the heating bill for a house that size would be . The basement is dirt . No concrete or anything , straight dirt . Yuck . Last , the roof is slate , and seems that it might have a leak at one corner , it could be expensive to fix up . We are seriously considering this house anyway , soley from the standpoint of space . There was a lot of work done to it , but the windows are a major issue , as are the bathrooms . Ok , that 's the report on house # 1 . Ok , # 2 , Canal St . This house was soooo nice , but much tinier than they claimed on the info sheet . We measured out the rooms and I can only barely get to 1200 sq ft . Not only that , but there is not a single closet in the whole house . No joke . The ceilings in the front half of the second floor are only 6 ' 3 " high . Chris had to duck to get through the doors . There are two staircases , but both are narrow and enclosed , and turn the corner at the bottom , so it would be difficult to get furniture up them . There are french doors in the master bedroom ( for a future deck , I guess ) and we 'd have to get all the furniture in through those . Also , there is a water problem in the basement ; they have a sump pump , but Chris didn 't like the looks of the whole thing . There is a concrete floor , but the washer and dryer would be down there and it is icky . I think if we were to go with this house , we 'd have to bid low and plan to add on immediately . That said , there are so many pluses to this house . The kitchen is brand new and beautiful . No appliances , so we 'd have to buy those . The yard is absolutely perfect , and the view is great on all sides . Both bathrooms upstairs are new and very nice . Most of the windows are new vinyl ; only 4 small windows in back are aluminum , and the back door doesn 't have a storm door . It was plenty warm in there when we visited today , even though it was set to 60 . I really really really liked the character of this house , even more than the Broad Street house . That house had an air of genteel poverty to it . This house was very pretty inside , since they did all that work to it . I just wish it wasn 't so small ! ! ! ! It would be perfect if it were bigger and had closets . # 3 was the Blackberry Rd house , the split level , and yuck , we wrote it off right away . The driveway is as steep as it looks in the picture , that is not an optical illusion . It is also very short , so not really good for the van . The inside is dark , and the entire property is the side of a mountain , all sloped and wooded . No real yard to play in and no where to ride bikes . I didn 't take any pictures today ; it had snowed overnight so it was hard to get around in the snow . The first 2 houses are unoccupied , so no one had shoveled . I wish I had remembered to wear my boots . Tomorrow morning we are all driving south to go house hunting ! Chris and I are going to drop the older boys off with Grandma and Grandpa , then driving out to York to meet with a realtor and start looking ! We have 3 houses to see tomorrow . I had hoped for more , but only 3 made the cut between Chris and me . I did find one more today , but it was too late to schedule a showing for tomorrow . I may go down myself during the week to get a look at it . We are leaving at 7 : 30 in the morning ( that means we are planning to leave at 7 : 30 and will be doing well if we leave by 8 lol ) , driving 2 . 5 hours south , dropping off the boys and driving another hour east . We will be meandering our way back west , from house to house , and end up back close to the in - laws ' . The last house I just found today is almost around the corner from them ; I 'm deliberating whether I want to live that close or not . It is literally 5 minutes from their house . Would that be good or not ? I 'm not sure ; as a newly wed I was doubly blessed to live 4 hours away from both sets of parents , but I am pretty established as a wife and mother now . Would I be able to hold my own against them ? I have to keep in mind how Christmas went . I would be deep in " enemy territory " LOL . Would it be worth the conveniences ? I 'll really have to consider that . On the way home we 'll be lighter by 2 boys ; MIL is keeping Noah and Caleb for a week . Next week we will go down and pick them up , and drop off 2 more . She is still working at the elementary school , but FIL retired this year , so he will be home to watch them during the day . He is very excited to have them coming ; it seems he is pretty bored with retirement already , lol . I hope to take some pictures on this trip , and if any of them come out well , I 'll post them here . I 'll definitely be writing a report on how the trip went ! Today I moved Levi into a new bed . Well , not technically a bed , but a mattress on the floor . It 's where we used to have the crib , but the crib is in storage so I had to make do . Levi has been too big for the bassinette for probably 2 months now , but I didn 't have anywhere else to put him . Today I decided that he is just too big to be safe anymore . He is rolling and spinning all over the floor , and I didn 't want him tipping the bassinette over trying it in there . He has also been getting up on his knees sometimes ; just not when he is on his hands too , lol . On top of that , he is about to get his top 2 teeth . On top of the cold , that has made him pretty cranky . He is a pro at spinning in the exersaucer , though , and he is very proud of it ! Here is a picture of Levi sleeping in his new " bed " : Well , the big storm came ; it doesn 't really seem like a lot of snow , but that is because it is so cold that the snow is very fine and powdery . Light to shovel , but it also just blows right back across the area you just did . I am getting really really tired of this cold weather . How long has it been since we 've seen a day above 25 ? Ugh . I hate cold . Something else showed up at our house this morning . Everyone except Chris and Levi is sick . Runny noses , headaches , upset tummies ( probably from the post nasal drip ) , coughing . We had already planned to be staying home from church today because of the snow , but at this point even if it were 40 we 'd be home . The boys all laid around under blankets and drank hot chocolate and ate soup . Some were too tired to eat and we had to really push the liquids to keep them from getting dehydrated . Troyer was about the same as he has been all week , not any better , not any worse , but Noah and Caleb are miserable . And poor Micah woke up in the middle of the night with a fever . Levi is cranky but doesn 't seem sick ; he may just be picking up on the mood of the others . I feel horrible . I felt the cold coming on most of the week , but I had been hoping it wouldn 't catch me . But when I woke up in the middle of the night for Levi and tried to go back to sleep , I couldn 't get warm . Last night after chat I took a hot bath , but I guess it didn 't help . I tried to take a hot bath again today , but ran out of hot water . Chris had each of the boys rotating in the tub , and Troyer used more than his share . I tried to take a nap after the bath , but was freezing again . I just hate that , when I am snuggled up in the flannel sheets with a warm blanket and a comforter on top , and can 't get warm . Now I am hot and sweaty . I prefer it this way , lol , but I know I am just due for another round of cold later . I had orange juice and hot chocolate this morning , but the post nasal drip has my stomach upset now , and I haven 't been able to eat anything all day . Ugh , I hate being sick ! At least Chris is not sick , he has been doing a great job of taking care of everyone today . He has not given me a hard time at all about not being able to do much to help . I sure hope he doesn 't get this . Posted by Today at 9 : 30 our house was inspected , as part of the sale . There were quite a few people scheduled to come for this inspection , namely the buyer and his real estate agent , the house inspector , the exterminator to inspect for termites ( Pennsylvania law ) , a Radon Inspector ( who will have to come back on Monday to collect her testing device ) and the septic pumper , who needs to pump out the tank before the house inspector can inspect it . I am pretty sure there was one other person here , but I can 't think of who he was , lol . The day started out very cold . At 7 am it was 0 degrees , and I had to go out and help Chris jump his car to get it started . I had my doubts about how the septic guy would fair in this kind of weather . Chris spent 3 days digging at the frozen dirt in the back yard to dig the lid up for him , but would the lid come off ? Let me save you some time wondering and just tell you , no . My realtor had her husband come over last night and throw some hay on the hole to keep the lid from freezing . In my experience , hay is good for keeping off a frost , but not a deep freeze . I was right . I watched out the window when the septic guy got here , and he walked over and very disdainfully threw the hay off , LOL . Then he got out a pick axe and tried to get the lid up , but no luck . I give him credit , he didn 't try very hard , for which I was thankful . He may have broken the concrete lid if he had tried too hard . He came to the door to ask if there was a way to get hot water out to the tank , but other than carrying buckets of water there wasn 't , so I suggested he ask if he could come back next week when it warms up to almost freezing . He did wait and talk to the buyer and agent , but never came back to talk to me , so I don 't know if that is what he is going to do . I had originally planned to be out of the house while these people all came through , but since it was so cold and so darn early in the morning , I decided to stay home . I cleaned up pretty well , and then herded all the boys into the computer room and promised to try to keep them out of the way . I am pleased to say that the boys were great . Micah ended up coming down to watch " Hot Hot " which is his name for the Hot Wheels movie we have . He made me stay down and watch with him , so I sat on the couch with Levi and nursed . I could smell when the inspector tried out my stove top ; he turned all the burners on , and I * never * use the large burner at the back , so I could smell the dust burning , lol . It took all I had not to jump up and make sure they weren 't burning the burner covers , which is something that Chris does with some regularity , lol . They walked through and tried most of the outlets , and flipped the light switches , and tried out the windows . They went through the attic and the basement . All in all , they were pretty thorough . Probably much more than the inspector we had when we bought this house , lol . They had a tendency to stand around and talk , a lot . About things not related to my house . Like the quality of water in a neighborhood nowhere near mine . Bleh , I was waiting for them to get out ! The inspection ended up being 2 hours , I was told it would be about 45 minutes . One thing that really got to me was the furnace . They came upstairs to turn up the thermostat so the furnace would come on . Um , hello ? It 's 9 degrees outside ! ( up from 0 at 7 am , lol ) Don 't you think that if the furnace wasn 't working it would be a * little * cold in my house ? Not only that , but it had come on at least 5 times while they were there . Ah well . Finally they all went outside to walk around the outside . After a while I wondered what they were doing , and it turned out they had left ! They didn 't even poke their heads in to say they were leaving . It would have been nice to let me know , since I was waiting until they were done to put Levi dTroyer has had a cold this week , mostly a runny nose with a little cough . He had lost most of his voice , but it is coming back . No one else was sick , I was hoping he 'd keep it to himself . Well , I have been feeling like maybe I 'm getting it , and now I 'm pretty sure I am . This fall I have been lucky , though , and when I get a cold it 's mild and doesn 't spread to anyone else . I hope I can keep this one to myself too . Then this afternoon , Noah started coughing , and tonight he went to bed early . I hope he will be ok . We are supposed to get a snow storm tomorrow , up to 10 inches . Church is cancelled , which is nice , but we probably would have stayed home anyway . The van stinks in the snow ( see post below ! lol ) . That also means our house hunting for this weekend is cancelled . Bummer . I may have to go down mid - week without Chris and start doing drive - bys , just to narrow down the list . We 'll have to see how the weather goes . My MIL was going to keep 2 of the boys for a whole week , drop them off this week , pick them up next week , but now the weather cancelled that plan too . They are disappointed , and MIL and FIL are even more so . But maybe it 's just as well , if they are all starting to get colds . Levi is rolling ! All over the house ! On Friday morning he finally rolled from back to front on purpose . Once he did that , it just clicked and he loved it ! Now he rolls everywhere . He is very excited to be mobile ! The weather here has taken a turn for the worse . Yesterday while we were out driving around during the house showings , it snowed some , and the temperature really dropped . It was slippery when we went out , but we had to be out until almost 5 pm . By then it was snowing again and very bad . I was driving on a back road and the van totally missed a turn . Luckily I had the option of going straight , and no one else was in the intersection , so I just slid through and then backed up and inched around the turn . Yikes , it was scary . When we turned onto our road , there was a cow coming down the road ! I was afraid I wouldn 't be able to stop then either and end up hitting it , but it turned down the drive to its barn , so I didn 't have to stop after all . Phew ! When we finally inched our way the rest of the way home , I went inside and called the owners of the cow to tell them it was loose , but it turns out the guy was in the barn feeding them and saw the loose cow come home . While we were out yesterday I bought Troyer some snowpants , since last year 's just weren 't going to stretch over him anymore . He was very excited since it was snowing , he thought he 'd get to go right out today and put them to use . Well , the temperature today was 19 and it was windy . Right now the wind chill is - 5 degrees . Brrr ! No way they are going out . They 'd have to come in in 3 minutes ! He 's very mad at me now , LOL . I am planning to make a trip to house hunt next Sunday . I hope the weather cooperates . I 'm not sure what I 'll do if I can 't get the van down there . The inspector is supposed to come this week to inspect our house and septic . That means digging up the lid and pumping out the tank . I hope Chris can find the lid under the snow . He 's not thrilled LOL Cross your fingers that the inspector doesn 't find anything serious . Yes , we sold our house last night ! One of the couples who walked through on Saturday came back on Sunday and wrote an offer . We got our asking price , no haggling needed . It is very exciting ! Now we have to get to work on finding a place to move to ! Closing is set for March 31 so we have about 2 1 / 2 months to get out of here . : - ) Just after lunch the realtor called me again to set up another showing . They will be coming over tomorrow at 4 . Yikes , I am not ready ! I spent all day today racing around trying to do 8 things at once all while trying to keep the boys from messing it all back up again . I vacuumed , and decluttered a few more surfaces , swept the kitchen floor , wiped down the kitchen chairs , washed dishes , put dishes away , washed a few windows , threw in a load of wash since Micah peed on the bath rug getting into the tub today ( oops ! lol ) , and tried to get my hallway as clear as possible . There is another big load of boxes for storage now down in the " family room " ( we have never called it that , but that is what it is listed as ) . Whoever walks through the house will just have to understand that we are packing ! It should be gone on Sunday . I hope . Chris spent each evening , after getting home late , shampooing spots of various rugs . They look great , sure , but I would have appreciated his helping with the decluttering . Maybe get that big blue tarp off the deck . Maybe straighten up the basement a bit so people could get through it . Tonight he came home and cleaned off his dresser top ( well , I 'm sure he thinks it 's clean ) and his desk ( again , same thing ) and then sat down to do work he brought home . I have to take the boys to a homeschool meeting tomorrow morning at 10 , we 'll get home sometime after lunch , and have to go out again around 3 : 30 . Not really a lot of time for me to get anything done but last minute stashing . So I 've been running around like a crazy woman trying to make the place decent . Chris just sat there with the tv on doing his work . Bleh . And do you think I am getting any credit for what I got done today ? Nope . Because , of course , it doesn 't compare to all the painting he 's done . And because now he 'll have to take the boxes to storage . Double Bleh . I 'd like to see him get anything at all done around this house with a baby stuck to his boob ! I sure hope tomorrow will go ok and I won 't be embarrassed . Oh , and I forgot to saGretchen I got a call this morning from the realtor , and set up our first showing for Sunday morning . They originally wanted to come this morning at 11 , but ummmm with 6 kids to dress and get out plus get the dishes out of the sink and hide miscellanious junk , with 2 hours notice ? Nope , don 't think so ! LOL Plus , she actually called twice , the first time I was in the shower ; so I also had to get me ready too lol . I am happy to report that my boys have inherited their father 's good teeth . ( Hey ! He 's good for something ! LOL ) My oldest 3 boys had appointments at the dentist yesterday morning . It was Samuel 's first dentist visit , as this is the first year that he had any adult teeth . I am so proud of them all ; I had to take all 6 boys in , and they were all very good . The dentist came out and asked who would go first , and Noah volunteered right away . He was done in a matter of minutes . Troyer went next , and actually walked back before the dentist came out and asked for him . Next came Samuel , who could have been understandably nervous , but he jumped right up and went back for his turn . No crying , no nerves , no complaining . It was great ! And the dentist came out after they were all done and said " No Cavities ! " Yipee ! Thank goodness they did not get my teeth ! I had at least 6 cavities by the time I was 10 . Also nice was the fact that they didn 't even do a full cleaning on the boys , so the total bill for all 3 only came to $ 75 . Not too bad ! Our house is now officially on the market . We have spent the last week trying to get rid of all the clutter and dirt , and have made a good dent . The living room and family room / play room / dining room are done . The bedrooms are almost finished , just a few things need to be hid in closets or thrown in a box . Unfortunately , the most important room , the kitchen , still needs work . There is a huge pile of papers on the table in the center of the room , a bunch of clutter ( that will soon be in a box ) on top of the microwave , a whole shelf of school papers and resources that I had hoped to have put in storage but I just don 't know how I 'll do without those things , plus the floor did not get mopped . Chris did patch up parts of the floor along the edges that were missing vinyl . I guess it was the sort of thing that he wasn 't going to bother to do before because we really need to just replace the ugly brown vinyl , but if we were going to do that we 'd need to put in a new subfloor because the floor slopes , bGretchen You can see from all the shelves and big furniture that it will be a pain in the neck to clear out enough to patch and paint . But still , $ 10K ? I 'd do it . Ok , anyone who knows anything about him is right now thinking , " yeah , and who does ? " But let me tell you what happened tonight . Tonight the realtor came over and we signed the papers and discussed prices and showings and all that stuff . My husband doesn 't really like to talk to strangers , he 's painfully shy and while he tries to overcome it so it doesn 't cripple him in life , he willingly lets others take over for him in situations like these if he can get them to . So , as expected , he let me do all the talking tonight . The realtor gave us a price she thought was a good place to start , and I suggested a little higher as we weren 't going to go down much further than what she started at . She was fine with that . Then she walked around the house to see the work that we had done . She was VERY impressed with how nice it looks now . Well , except for the 2 rooms that didn 't get painted . Now that the rest of the house looks so good , they look hideous . She suggested that we go ahead and paint these rooms too . Of course I , being the woman of the house and the one concerned with these sorts of things , agreed that it should be done . Chris , meanwhile , was downstairs sitting in his chair waiting for us to get done with the tour . So we come downstairs and she tells him how nice it looks , but that he really should paint the last 2 rooms . He knows that I agree . I did mention to her that he really didn 't want to do them . It 's a lot of work to clear all the furniture out and take everything down from the walls and patch the nail holes and prime and paint wallpaper . He was soooo excited to be done with painting . Here is why we need to paint one of the rooms : The water damage is actually just from leaving the window open when it rained , and is from before we moved in . The old windows weren 't installed right and the water filled up the sill and flowed over into the house instead of out the window . With our new windows it is not a problem ; plus we replaced the sill . Now it just needs to be painted . Here is what I don 't understand about my hGretchen Yesterday I called the realtor and told her to come on over , we are finally ready to sign the papers ! She will be here this afternoon . We still have a bunch of clutter to hide , and some final scrubbing , like the tub and the kitchen floor , but mostly we are done . She said that the couple who was interested in the fall are still waiting for our house , and that we should have no problem getting the price we want . Yeah ! I found a picture of my kitchen from before we put in the new sink and counter , so I wanted to post before and after pictures for you to see : Kitchen BeforeKitchen After Also , I have some pictures from our Christmas trip : The Boys in the Van Driving to Grandma ' sThe Christmas Bush ( and yes , that 's how it looked on Christmas Day , no ornaments and unlit ) And finally , I took some pics of the boys today . I took Troyer in to have his portrait redone , since the one he did in December came out blurry and I had to return it . It was another pita , so I decided then that I will just do a digital pic of them all and make prints to send out for Christmas cards . Today we did practice shots , since Levi was napping . I took a few of Levi then , when he woke up . 5 of the Boys Levi Here is Levi trying to see what the boys have to play with . I had put him down in the middle of the floor , and he scooted himself over to the side with the bins of cars , lol . He did officially roll over from front to back 2 days ago , and he did again yesterday , but he hasn 't rolled today . Posted by I know I said I 'd post about my Christmas , but honestly , it was so depressing that I haven 't had the heart to go through it all again as I write it . I vented to both of my sisters , then brought the mood down in chat on New Year 's Eve with the story , and I just don 't even want to go there again . I can tell you it is nothing physical , nothing happened to anyone , no one is hurt or sick . In fact , the boys had a great time , and Chris had fun too . It was just me who didn 't want to be there . Maybe later I 'll get around to writing about it . What I wanted to say today is : Woo Hoo ! Congratulations Kmomof10 , Kim ! ! ! ! So so so exciting to hear your news ! Best of luck to you , and I hope all that m / s means twins ! ! ! LOL |
On my birthday in 2011 , I got an idea in my head - to write fiction every day for 365 days . It was based on the many 365 projects that I had seen around the web . Some people documented their meals or took pictures of their feet or whatever . I decided to use this idea to get back into something that I really knew I was good at and that I enjoyed doing - writing stories . For a while , that worked out brilliantly . I think I got all the way to February of 2012 before everything collapsed , but more on that in a bit . During the year , I created worlds - hundreds of people , companies , small towns . I made new histories , societies , and hinted at things that even I wasn 't sure about . I saw the beginnings of new societies and the last throes of the universe , and it was really good fun . Every night I would come home and start writing . The Boyfriend didn 't really get what I was trying to do - I would try to explain what I was writing , and usually after a few sentences he 'd had enough and just wished me Good Luck . Sometimes he suggested I take a day off , or maybe even a weekend . I said no - if I took a day off then I 'd take another , and then another . I didn 't want that to happen . In retrospect , all I can say is that I hate when I prove myself right . I posted everything I came up with , even the ones that imploded halfway through . A few of them were long , multi - day epics and others were flashes of barely half a thousand words . I wrote things for # fridayflash and for the fine people at Worth1000 ( who must think I 've died or something ) . I blasted my way through NaNoWriMo , something I hadn 't even attempted since 2004 or so . All in all , I probably wrote about 250 entries over the course of the year . And then the end of the school year approached , with the finely - tuned mental and organizational chaos that only comes in that time and that place . And I was dumb enough to start playing Skyrim , even though I knew - I knew - what it would do to my attention span . February 12th pretty much marks the last regular day of posting . 263 days . A few interruptions due to vacation or illness , but still . Believe me , when I started , I didn 't think I would last nearly as long as I did . I figured a few weeks , at best , before I either got distracted or disheartened . Making it as long as I did is a feat unto itself . It helped that kept meticulous records of my progress , filling up several spreadsheets with data . There was one that kept track of the dates and titles and word counts , another for the characters , and a third for world - building . I used mind - mapping software to see how my stories fit together , and even tried drawing some of the characters . I showed that I could not only build a world , but I could build those connections within the world . I could make a place varied and interesting enough that characters could not only have their own stories , but they could have new and interesting stories with each other . I could examine their backstories and motivations and work out some sense of a future for these people and places . I wrote in a variety of genres and made conscious attempts to write outside my boundaries , both in terms of style , genre , and character . On the other hand , I didn 't make my goal of a full 365 days . The title of the blog proved to be highly inaccurate , and I let my weaknesses overcome me . I know that one of the biggest requirements of a writer is that doing this needs to be the most important thing in his or her life , and I dropped the ball there . I let life get in the way of writing , and even though I 'm sure any writer will tell me that these things happen , I still feel a bit bad about it . I made a plan and I failed to follow through with it . That sucks no matter how it happens . In addition , I gained a small following of readers , people who subscribed to the blog and left very kind comments and feedback , and I feel like I let them down . Not on a George R . R . Martin level of let - down , mind you , but still - I made a promise to these readers , and I did not fulfill it . For that , I sincerely apologize . On balance , though , I 'll call this a success . I proved that I can dedicate myself to a goal , as long as I am realistic about both its limits and mine . I found where my strengths and weaknesses are as a writer , and worked to improve them . And , most importantly , I built up a body of work that will serve as a foundation for future writing . I think there 's a lot more gold in there than I ever planned on finding , and I 'll mine it as best I can . Iris had never understood why first dates were dreaded the way they were . Her friends talked about them like they were some kind of combat ritual , some horror show that had to be endured so that they might enter the realms of the mighty who had boyfriends and girlfriends . They traded stories about they guys who were too clingy , the ones who were too rough , the girls who were too shy or too loud , and each and every one of them just reinforced their ideas that the world was full of miserable , deranged sociopaths who wanted nothing more than to destroy a lovely evening out . It was the truth , though . She 'd met Lloyd at the post office , of all places , waiting in line behind an old woman who apparently wanted to send birthday cards to all of her grandchildren at once and with excruciating care . He and Iris had gotten to chatting about how this was such a first - world problem , and she told him about the time she had to wait a whole extra half hour at the DMV and he lamented about the cable company never coming when they promised , and they really hit it off . By the time they picked up their respective packages , he had her number , and called a couple of days later for a date . They met at Javaville , because coffee shops were considered neutral ground , and talked about themselves over drinks . A few people waved at him when he came in , which was good . She got her coffee black , his was a soy milk latte , and she took a chance with some routine she 'd heard from a comedian on TV a few years ago . He thought about this and nodded . " I suppose you 're right , " he said . " But then we 'd have to call it ' soy juice , ' and no one in their right mind would drink soy juice . " He winked and sipped at his latte . Iris suspected he had seen the same comedian , because that was pretty much the punchline to the joke . If he had , though , he didn 't call her on it . They walked through the Hortus , the vast park in the center of the city . It was a lovely spring day and the water lilies were in bloom , making it almost tailor - made for a romantic first date . He walked close to her , but not too close , and talked about himself without seeming self - obsessed . In turn , Iris told stories about what she had done and where she had been , and didn 't try to crib from comedians anymore . They ended the day at dinner , at a restaurant he promised was the best in the city . She stood in front of the chalkboard for a good minute and a half trying to work out the name of the place . Lloyd let her try it out a few times before he grinned and said , " It 's ' Yggdrasillusions . ' " He shrugged . " The owner has a thing for Norse mythology . Most of us just call it ' Iggy 's ' to keep things simple . " He walked over and opened the door . " Ladies first ? " The restaurant was green . Really green . There were plants everywhere - hanging from the ceiling , growing in window boxes , and even vines crawling up the rough - hewn wooden walls . The restaurant smelled of heavy spices and loam , and light jazzy music piped in through speakers overhead . Young , pretty waitresses weaved through tables where couples and threesomes and foursomes were eating and chatting and laughing . Lloyd waved to a few people and patted some shoulders as they went to their table . Everyone seemed to know him , and they smiled when they saw him , all of which struck Iris as a good sign . Not how she was usually greeted when she walked into a place , but she 'd take it . The waitress was at their table as soon as they sat down . " Hi , " she said . " I 'm Emili , and our specials tonight are a raw Mediterranean pesto torta , portabello burgers , and the chef 's special kale and spinach lasagna . " She beamed . " It 's really good , I had some for lunch today . " Emili nodded and handed them menus before gliding off to help someone else . As Iris leafed through the menu , she felt her stomach grow cold . A sneaking suspicion was winding its way though her mind , and each dish she read off the menu seemed to confirm it . After a few minutes she looked up at Lloyd . " Is this a vegan restaurant ? " she asked . She wanted to tell him that it wasn 't okay . It wasn 't remotely okay . She wanted to tell him that an otherwise lovely first date had suddenly turned into the inevitable horrible endurance trial her friends talked about , where she could see if she could get through the next hour and a half without being sick . Or going mad . But she didn 't . " No , " she said . " No , it 's fine . " She smiled back at him , but she suspected Lloyd knew something was wrong . They started off with a mountain vegetable tempura , accompanied by two different dipping sauces - one a spicy chili and the other a sweet plum sauce . Lloyd raved about them and told her about the time he tried to get the recipe off the chef , and how that had led him to a whole weird series of bets and bargains . To Iris , they tasted like chalk . Bland , flavorless bits that vanished from her memory as soon as she swallowed them . The main course was a spicy chana masala , one of several Indian dishes that were on the menu . Emili told them about how the restaurant owner had gotten that recipe from a man he met while backpacking in India and how they were the only restaurant in the city to serve it . Lloyd clearly loved it , barely stopping to talk as he ate . Emili brought over some lychee - soy milk drinks and said they were on the house . Iris picked at her food until she realized she was picking at it . She didn 't want to be That Date , the one he told stories about to his friends - Yeah , I brought her to my favorite place and she just nibbled at the food - so she scooped up spoonfuls and tried her best to look like she was enjoying herself . It went down like the flavorless pap they gave to babies and old people . There was no substance to it , no energy , and she wasn 't even sure it reached her stomach . The only thing even remotely good was the wine , but she suspected it was made from organic grapes by the thinness and emptiness of its flavor . After a dessert of non - dairy ice cream and some coffee , Lloyd sat back , looking full and happy . " This really is a great place , " he said . " I 'd come here every night if I could . " Iris forced herself to smile and hoped her stomach wouldn 't growl . " Thanks for sharing it with me , " she said . There was a moment of awkward silence . " I do need to know , though - do you come here because the food is good , or because you 're vegan ? " He shrugged . " Any reason it can 't be both ? " he asked . " The food 's great , and no animals died to get it to us . Win - win . " He sipped at his coffee . " Thanks for having an open mind about this , by the way , " he said . " I think you 'll find that vegan food is better than anything else you 've eaten , and you 'll have a clean conscience in the end to boot . " He paid for dinner , although she tried to go in for half . He walked with her to the subway station and took her hand as they waited for his train . He 'd had a really good time , and he 'd definitely call her again . Soon . He promised . Iris tried not to let the mask slip and just said , " That would be nice . " " Gimme a super - double burger with bacon . " She took a twenty out of her wallet . " Throw a couple of extra patties on there and this is yours . " The young man didn 't even hesitate to take the money . The cows that had been slaughtered to make this burger had lived short and uneventful lives . Memories of packed bodies and chemical - laden feed flooded over her tongue and almost made her moan . The darkness of the slaughterhouse , the smell of blood and that last moment of realization before oblivion all washed over her , and within moments , she was licking her fingers . She went back up and ordered a chicken filet sandwich . This one was better than the first . The birds had been raised in a battery farm , kept in cages only slightly bigger than they were . They knew only suffering until the last moment of their lives , and that suffering , that knowledge of horror was what filled Iris ' stomach . The energy of fear and hopelessness and pain rushed through her . The world became vivid , alive . No block of tofu had ever watched a farmer come at it with an axe . No carrot had ever smelled the blood of its brothers on the killing floor and been unable to run . No bean sprout had ever struggled for life , caged in with hundreds of competitors who wanted it dead . Iris needed that suffering , that pain . She didn 't know why , but she knew what she liked . And she was pretty sure Lloyd wouldn 't understand . I feel like it 's just planted itself in my brain and taken over . Don 't get me wrong - it 's a lot of fun , and definitely a lot of game for your money . There 's a ton of stuff to do and see , and no two games will be alike . I 've made two characters so far - a high - elf battle - mage and a Khajiit sneak - thief / assassin / werewolf - and I 've had a lot of fun playing . Sitting in the shadows and picking people off with a blazing arrows will NEVER get old , especially when they step over the bodies of their friends and say , " Huh . I guess it was my imagination . " But it will take you over . I was so happy today when a story idea unfolded in my head that was good enough that I actually wanted to write it more than I wanted to go back to Skyrim and kill dragons . So it looks like I may be close to burning myself out on that game . I 'm not sure exactly what it is the game is tapping into , other than the dopamine reward system of the brain . That is , of course , an intensely powerful neurochemical system - the same one responsible for many serious addictions as well as everyday feelings of accomplishment and self - worth . Where Skyrim wins out over , say , writing a short story is that Skyrim never ends . So you 're always expecting that next level - up , or a new dungeon to crawl through , or to see how many Forsworn you can hit in the head with arrows before one of those damned Briarhearts realizes you 're there . That anticipation is powerful , and it 's hard to ignore . Ennelrion had been circling this little adventurer for a while now . The poor thing - tracking through the mountains , dragging gods know what in that sack behind it and looking for … what was it these two - legged monkey things wanted . Adventure ? Gold ? The brief ecstasy of notoriety ? It 's like they don 't even know , the dragon thought to itself . Two huge black wolves leaped from behind a boulder to ravage the adventurer , and Ennelrion was sure that he would end up a bloody stain on the snow . But much to its surprise , the bundled - up creature extended a hand and a great bolt of lightning blossomed forth , striking one of the wolves dead instantly . The other got in a good bite , and then it too was killed . The wind whipped at the mountainside , but Ennelrion was fairly sure it could smell burnt wolf hair even up as high as it was . So . The two - legged mayfly knew a trick . Probably more than one , given how these things worked . The dragon twitched the tips of its wings and started the long circle down to the snow . At least it would be an entertaining way to pass a few minutes . Sooner or later , someone would have to give him a fight , and it wasn 't impossible that this little guy could do it . As it dove , it screamed , a harsh , wordless howl that pushed the snow out in front of it along an expanding shockwave . The adventurer looked up , and suddenly had a sword in its hand , one that dripped a fine mist from its edge . Ennelrion lifted its wings and dropped to the snow right in front of the two - legs . It thought about introducing itself , but really - why bother ? It would no sooner introduce itself to any other brief and crunchy snack it was about to devour . Instead , Ennelrion coughed forth a great gout of flame at the adventurer , who held up its arms as if the heavy armor it was wearing would do more than just cook it from the inside . The wave of fire rolled over the figure and then continued down the hillside , flashing snow into steam instantly and charring the winter grass beneath it . Odds are , there would be nothing left . When the flame died down , the figure was still standing . Now the hand that had called forth lightning was glowing a pale white - blue , like the sword . The figure - Ennelrion was pretty sure it was male , unless females had started growing fur on their faces for some reason - looked up at the dragon , lifted a hand and shouted . Ennelrion raked at the hero with its claws and then launched itself up into the sky . A bolt of incredible cold flew by the dragon 's head , missing thanks only to quick reflexes . This is insane , the dragon thought . There 's plenty of other humans to eat , to terrify - I should just leave this one alone . It looked down , and the human was digging through the pack it had been carrying on its back . Somehow , it managed to pull a staff that was nearly as tall as it was out of a backpack . The hell ? the dragon thought . Another blast of searing cold flew by it , worse than the first . Ennelrion started making for the great double peak where it rested , but then thought again . Was it really going to let an insect like that drive it away ? A creature that needed to arm itself with magic and metal , cover itself in fur and leather because it was too weak to survive on its own ? Was Ennelrion the great , the immortal , the terrifying , going to fly away from one little " hero " with some tricks ? The dragon circled around again , blasting fire as it did . Snow was blasted away , and the hero staggered , but held firm . The dragon thumped to the ground right in front of him and snapped at him with his teeth , somehow managing not to bite him in half completely . The little ape - thing turned its back on Ennelrion and started digging through the sack again , pulling tiny red bottles out one at a time . Once he had about ten of them , he uncorked one and chugged it down . " Whoo ! " he said to the dragon . " You got me close there ! " He tossed the bottle over his shoulder and popped open the second . " How 're you holding up ? " he said . The dragon could feel the fire churning in its belly , and wanted nothing more than to reduce this creature to a stain on the hillside . But it … it couldn 't . Ennelrion opened its mouth and said , " I 've been better . " The human nodded . " Yeah , I can tell . " He was on bottle number four now , and the burns and cuts were fading from his skin . " Let me say , I 'm glad to see you . " " I can imagine , " the human said . It had two more bottles to go . " But they aren 't tricked out the way I am . And they don 't need you as much as I do . " Of all the odd things that were going on at this very moment , that one got Ennelrion 's attention . " Need me ? " it asked . " Need me for what ? " The human finished off another bottle and dropped it to the snow . " Your soul , " he said . " I got that , and I 'll be able to charge myself right up . " He uncorked the last little red bottle and winked . " And if I kill you instead ? " the dragon said . It wasn 't going to eat this one . Oh no . Ennelrion envisioned strewn body parts all over the hillside . The human shrugged . " I 'll try again . " He lifted the bottle and drained it . When he threw this one away , all traces of injury were gone . It was like Ennelrion hadn 't done anything at all . " Sooner or later , I 'll get you . " The human was clearly insane . The flames inside Ennelrion 's belly were aching to escape , but it couldn 't bring itself to do it . The adventurer ran a crystal along the edge of his blade , and the sword was a deeper , colder blue . He pulled a small medallion from his pocket and put that on , then a new steel helmet to replace the iron one he had been wearing . The human shook out his limbs , hefted the sword a couple of times , and looked up at the dragon . " We ready ? " he said . Flames were already beginning to curl out from Ennelrion 's mouth . It cracked its jaws to respond , but a searing bar of flame erupted first . It enveloped the adventurer in a great cloud of fire and steam . The rocks below his feet were already glowing red and softening , and trees nearby burst into flame . When the dragon closed its mouth again , the adventurer was still there . He held up a hand and that long staff , and Ennelrion felt a shock of cold run through its body , from nose to tail . The cold kept coming and kept coming , and no matter how the dragon tried to get up and fly away , it couldn 't . The ice was on its wings , cracking through its scales , eating its way through to the warm , infernal core of its being . The dragon wanted to sneer , but that would be wasting time . " There are more of us . Stronger . More terrible . More ruthless . " It tried to move , but its skin was sloughing off in great burning sheets . " We will hunt you to the end of your days . " " Go ahead , " the genie said to Jack . " Put on the ring and complete the circuit . And when you do , you and April will know everything about each other . " The genie took a long drag off his cigarette , and smiled when he exhaled smoke that was pink and shimmered slightly in the light from the kitchen lamp . Jack turned the ring over in his hand . It was small , made of silver , with a pale blue gem set into it . His wife had the other one , identical except that her gem was pale pink . She had already put it on , and was staring at him while he hemmed and hawed . He could feel her urging him on . The genie just watched . Instead , he found this strange man standing in the living room , next to his wife . The man was dressed in an immaculate white suit , with a few gold rings and a bracelet that gleamed against his olive skin . He had longish hair , so black that it was almost blue , and just the right amount of stubble on his face to bring him over from " too lazy to shave " to " incredibly sexy . " At first , he thought his wife was admitting to an affair . If that had been true , it would have been a relief . Though Jack had never had any real reason to suspect she would sleep with someone else , he couldn 't think of a good reason why she wouldn 't . If the opportunity arose . He didn 't understand her , and that was the real problem , wasn 't it ? They 'd been to couples counseling , but hadn 't had much luck with it . Neither of them was the type to pour out their innermost wants and needs to anyone , so they got along with each other and set up a life together that worked reasonably well . Or at least , well enough . No such luck . " Honey ! " she yelled when he came in . She ran up to him and hugged him for a lot longer than usual . His hug was safe . Non - committal . Three pats and a squeeze . He never took his eyes off the man . When April pulled away , her face was practically glowing . " You won 't believe what happened , " she said . " I was out shopping and I went over to the thrift store . " Jack bit his tongue . Their house was already cluttered from her thrift store adventures . " And there was this oil lamp , " she went on . " So I thought it might look nice on the mantle . " She laughed and slapped his arm . " Of course there is - I was going to move the ducks to the bedroom . Anyway . " She walked over to the strange man and grasped his arm . " I was polishing it , and this man - no , not a man . This genie just appeared out of nowhere ! " " A genie , huh ? " Jack said . He sighed and took off his jacket . " Honey , I 'm really too tired for this . If this is your new boyfriend or something , I wish you would just - " April 's gasp was enough to stop him cold . " Boyfriend ? " she whispered . She stood there , hand to her heart , just blinking at him for a moment . " Jack , what on Earth would make you think I want a boyfriend ? " There was no good answer to that question . Of that much , Jack was sure . " Sorry , " he said . " It was a joke , honey . " He leaned over to kiss her , but she pulled back . The man - the genie - stepped between them . " I understand your confusion , Mister Logan , " he said . He extended a hand and gave a bright smile . Jack noticed that the man 's eyes were a strange blue - green . " I am Nawfal , " the genie said . He took Jack 's hand and give it a single squeeze . A wave of warmth rushed through Jack 's body , and he gasped and shuddered . He nearly fell to the floor , but Nawfal caught him . When Jack stood again , he knew something had changed . He wasn 't sure what , but something … April was staring at him with wide eyes . Jack looked from one to the other . " What ? " he said , running a hand through his hair . Not only did he now have a full head of thick , auburn hair - hair he hadn 't had since high school , for god 's sake - but he had the body that he always imagined he should have . His waist was narrow , his shoulders broad , and his back was straight and strong . No twinge at the base of his spine , no dull ache in his hip that was a signal of things to come . The man in the mirror wasn 't young again , but he was the man he would have been if he 'd taken care of himself . Nawfal came up behind him and laid a hand on his shoulder . " Not bad , eh ? " he said . " That one 's for free . Just to cut short the ' You cannot possibly be a genie ' conversation . " He lit another cigarette , and the smoke smelled of freshly - baking cookies . " I hate that conversation . " He guided Jack out of the bathroom with some effort . " Your wife has a wish , " the genie said . " And it involves you . " He parked Jack in front of April , who kept looking him over . He was tempted to tell her that his face was up here , but it seemed in poor taste . She started . " Oh , " she said . " Right . Well . " She laid a hand on Jack 's chest and nearly lost her train of thought again . " I … I thought a lot about what to wish for , " she said . " I know we still have a lot of money on the house to pay off and there 's the credit cards , but … " Jack 's stomach dropped . Those would have been really good wishes . The house was never going to get paid off , and the credit cards would probably go right before they died of extreme old age . Wishing for permanent financial security was probably a really good idea . " But what I wanted was … " She took a deep breath , and Jack waited for the shoe to drop . " What I wanted was for us to understand each other , honey , " she said . " I know sometimes we have trouble communicating . I don 't know what you want , you don 't know what I want . " She gestured towards the genie . " But he said he could help . He could change that . " " And I can , " the genie said . " But you have to choose to do it . " He held out a hand , and then opened it . There were two silver rings on his palm . One with a pink stone , one with blue . Nawfal told them that the rings would link them together permanently , and that they would perfectly understand each other from now on . Which was weird , because he wanted to . He really did . He and April had been together for a long while , and he 'd thought that they would know each other inside and out by now . That 's what everyone else seemed to do , anyway . Finish each other 's sentences , know where everything was , remember all their commitments and problems and hang - ups . And every time he had to drop hints about a Christmas present , or forgot what kind of flowers her mother liked , or what book she was reading , he felt like a failure . This would almost certainly fix all that . She would be happy , he wouldn 't have to scramble to avoid making an ass of himself . Everyone wins . He shook his head and held the ring out for the genie to take . " I don 't think it 'll end well , " he said . " I mean , there are parts of me … " He stepped forward and took her hands . " There are parts of me that I 'm not proud of , " he said . " Parts that I wish I didn 't have . And while I love you and I think you 're a wonderful woman , I 'm pretty sure you have things like that too . " " What , " she said . " You think I 'm keeping secrets from you ? " Her anger , usually very slow to come out , was showing all over her face . " No , no , " he said . " Nothing like that . Just … things . " He tried to get close to the idea without giving it away . " Thoughts , maybe . Thoughts you wish you didn 't have . Things you want that you know you shouldn 't . Things you did that you wish you hadn 't . " He reached out to hug her , and at first she was stiff and still . " I want you to think the best of me , " he said . " And I don 't think you would anymore . " It took a moment , but April relaxed into his embrace , putting her arms around him as well . " I understand , " she said . Her voice sounded thick , but she laughed . " Guess it 's back to couples counseling ? " The genie shrugged . " Suit yourselves , " he said . He squeezed his hand into a fist , and when he opened it the rings were gone . " You still have a wish , though . " The man in front of her didn 't have as much hair as he did in his picture . His jawline was a little softer , he looked puffier , and the benefits of taking a profile photo from above were clear . He was thicker around the middle than she 'd thought he was . All told , they were tiny changes that added up to a big difference . He looked like his picture , only not quite so much . Oh well , she thought . Beggars , choosers , all that . She had already put her wedding band into her pocket , so she was halfway committed already . She hoped that she hadn 't let her disappointment show , so she smiled broadly . " Hey there , " she said . " You must be Matt . " He grinned back , and pulled a small bouquet of flowers from behind his back . " And you 're Beth , of course . " He handed the flowers over . They were a little scraggly , but nice in their own way . " Gosh , your picture didn 't half do you justice . " " You , sir , are a flatterer . " Beth felt the blush rise . " And that means you get to come in . " She stepped aside and let him into the apartment . It wasn 't a terribly big place , and she wished she 'd done a better job of cleaning up . There were still dishes in the sink from breakfast , and she noticed too late that there was a pair of her fuzzy socks hanging over the back of the sofa . She put her arm around his waist and maneuvered him into the dining room . " You make yourself comfortable , " she said . " I 'll make us some coffee . " She winked , and his grin grew broader . " I do , " he said . " And I have to say , you have a nice collection in the living room out there . " Beth winced , but the damage was done . At this point , fuzzy socks probably weren 't going to be a deal - breaker . " Glad you approve , " she said . " I love to read whenever I have free time . " She turned on the coffeemaker and stood in the doorway to the dining room . It was a good place to stand - arms up , hip cocked just so … she could practically see his mouth go dry . Beth had no illusions about her body - she 'd never make it as a model or a cover girl , but she knew how to use what she had . And what she had seemed to be what Matt wanted , because it took him a few moments to speak . " Um . Yeah , " he said . She counted to four before his eyes jumped up to meet hers , and he blushed a little . " Wow , " he said . " You really are something . " " Why thank you , " she said with a smile . " You know just what to say , don 't you ? " She could smell the coffee already . " Managing a bookstore must keep you busy , " she said . " Cataloging and shelving and all that . " " Well , " he said , " that 's why I have employees . They do the heavy lifting , and I make sure we all get paid at the end of the week . " He glanced over at her bookshelves again . " You know , we have the new Paula Grant in . Maybe I can - " He stopped when he turned around , because Beth had taken the opportunity to get in closer to him . Much closer . He was wearing a light cologne she hadn 't noticed before , and it did smell nice . Kind of a leather and citrus blend that reminded her of … school , for some reason . Matt found his face nearly buried in her chest , and had to back up a little to look her in the eye again . " Um , " he started . " Because if you did , then I may have to … correct you . " She ran a nail down the side of his face , from temple to jaw , and he shuddered almost imperceptibly . Beth wanted to glance down , but she was pretty sure she knew what was happening down there . " Me neither , " Beth said . She stepped back , and he started to stand . " Just one thing , Matt , " she said . He looked worried all of a sudden , and she tried to smile sweetly . " I did tell you that I 'm married , right ? " Matt seemed to take those words into his mind and chew them around for a moment . The look of hunger on his face changed , almost perfectly reflecting the horrible argument that was going on between his sense of right and his need to get laid . Finally , he said , " Yeah . Yeah , you might have . " " Good , " she said . " I 'd hate for you to be surprised . My husband would be … " She grabbed his belt and pulled him close . " Awfully angry if he knew . " Their lips were just a breath apart . " You 're right . I would . " They both looked over towards the living room . The man standing there was tall and heavy , and his dark face was set in a scowl . He wore what looked like medical scrubs under a winter topcoat , and it looked like there was a spot of blood on the front . Matt backed away from Beth so fast that he fell over , repeating curses over and over again . Beth was able to call out , " Tim ! " before he was on top of the other man . Tim yanked a stun gun out of his pocket and jammed it into Matt 's side . The other man yelled and jerked on the floor . Tim hit him again and again , until the man lay passed out on the floor , the whites of his eyes showing under half - closed lids . Tim looked up at his wife , and then stood , pocketing the stun gun . " Bethany , " he said . His fingers were flexing into and out of a fist , and the scowl seemed to deepen as they stared at each other . They stood there , staring at one another for a long time . Bethany was the first to break , with a long sigh that was halfway to being a laugh . " I didn 't think you were going to wait that long , " she said . " I didn 't think you were going to play the part that well , " he muttered . He looked down at the unconscious man . " Whatever . We 've got someone I can use , finally . " Beth went into the kitchen , which smelled of coffee , and took a capped hypodermic needle from the refrigerator . She handed it to Tim , who used it on Matt . " That ought to keep him out until I can get him to the lab . " Tim shrugged and handed the needle back to her . " Would you rather I called it the rental box ? Besides , I do experiments there . " He looked at Matt again . " Therefore it 's a lab . " She pulled him close and kissed Tim hard on the lips . He wrapped his arms around her and relaxed for the first time since they 'd put this plan together . " It 'll work , " she said when they pulled apart . " This time it 'll work . " She looked over at Matt and shook her head . " Pity , " she said . " He seemed like a nice guy . " |
Share this : TwitterFacebookLike this : Like Loading . . . This entry was posted in Poetry and tagged attitude , humour , poetry , short story , writing on June 21 , 2017 by quiall . Five Shots for The Broken Anchor 14 Replies Andrew heaved a sigh of relief . It had been a busy night but now the bar was empty and he was looking forward to cashing out and going home . Not bad for a summer gig but it was exhausting work . As he turned around to polish down the bar one more time he noticed a man sitting at the end . " Hey man I didn 't see you sitting there , sorry about that . What can I get you ? " Andrew looked expectantly at the man and wondered if he 'd seen him somewhere before . He looked familiar . Andrew hurried to comply . The sooner this guy drank up his beer the sooner Andrew could get out of here . As the bartender turned back to his patron he noticed the man looking at the five shots of rum that were always kept at the end of the bar . Ever a friendly sort Andrew proceeded to explain . " There 's a cool story about those shots of rum . The original owner of the bar and his four shipmates went down at sea in a storm . These are to honour them . Cool story don 't you think ? " Andrew expected this patron to react the way everyone else did : to smile and then to go on to talk about something else . No one likes to talk about death too often it 's , well , depressing . " It was ' na cool , it was cold . Bitterly cold . You have ' na got the story right . " The person speaking barely raised his head and he spoke so quietly that Andrew had to stop what he was doing and pay attention . " Only four died that night . Tonight . 100 years ago tonight there was a storm . They thought they were safe . They anchored in a small bay and left one on watch to make sure everything was okay . Everything wasn 't okay . It was cold . Just one quick little sip of gin would warm you up . Problem is one little sip ended up becoming a whole bottle . It was a bugger of storm . But sailors are used to sleeping when the boat rolls . They count on their shipmate on watch to let them know if there 's any danger . But he fell asleep . Too much grog . When the big wave hit he got tossed into the drink . Saved his life . Shipmates were asleep below deck . The sea took ' em . The sea doesn 't give back what she takes . She 's a jealous mistress . " The man looked up and Andrew could see his face and realized that he was an old man . He looked broken and sad . Andrew looked a little more closely and realized where he 'd seen his face before . He took a step back and watched . " Insurance money paid for this bar and its name tells the story of what happened that night : The Broken Anchor . One man survived and lived with the guilt of what he had done . He lived and for the next 40 years made a toast to his four shipmates every night with four tots of rum . Their ghosts can 't drink them but everybody should know how they died . " " Cecil . His name was Cecil . I remember now . He was buried at sea . When he died he asked that the name of the bar never be changed and a measure of rum be added to the others so that there are now five . I love the history of the area and that one is definitely one for the books . Man that is so cool ! You must be a relative , you look just like the picture in the office . " Andrew was excited and turned away to grab a pen and a piece paper to write down this newfound knowledge . When he turned back the party he had been speaking to was gone . There was water pooling on the stool and the floor . There was another damp spot on the bar along with a piece of seaweed and an empty shot glass . At that precise moment he heard the local church bell ring 2 o ' clock in the morning . Gusts of wind rattled the panes of glass in the front window and Andrew for just a moment was sure he heard several men singing . He couldn 't quite make out the words but was pretty sure he heard the name Cecil B . That was the name of the boat ! Share this : TwitterFacebookLike this : Like Loading . . . This entry was posted in Short Stories and tagged fear , ghost story , passage of time , perception , short story , whimsy on June 18 , 2017 by quiall . Dream Walker 15 Replies Have you ever awoken from a deep sleep with your lips pulsating as if from a lover 's kiss ? Have you ever been alone in the middle of the night and yet awoken gasping and wet as if from an intimate embrace ? Dreams . In the middle of the night our defences are at their weakest . We cannot protect ourselves from the dreams that enter our minds when we are asleep . The experts say that we dream constantly , that our minds are solving complex problems that we cannot contend with when conscious . That would explain many dreams but not all of them . Some people do not remember their dreams . Some awaken feeling as if something wonderful has happened but they have no recollection of what . Others awaken with the dream intact . Dreams are not reality . Or are they ? What if they are manifestations of a different reality ? What if dreams are engineered by a person or persons with more powerful minds than the average dreamer ? What if . . . . . Jeremy laid his head on the pillow . He sighed . It had been an exhausting day and he needed his sleep desperately . Preferably eight blissfully uninterrupted hours of unconsciousness . Then he could start this nonsense all over again . His eyes closed , his body relaxed . There was a gentle breeze wafting through the glen . That seemed to keep the temperature comfortable although he couldn 't actually feel it . He knew it was there by watching the long grasses moving as if to a gentle love ballad . Jeremy didn 't know where he was . He did know that he was at peace here ; the rest of the world was far away and unimportant . And then he saw her . A tall slender figure slowly materialized out of the dense forest . They say that beauty is quantifiable , that there are certain effects that are the difference between beautiful and merely attractive . They say that our visual understanding is predicated on our past experiences and that our interpretation of what we see is primal . Jeremy had no words to speak or even to think of as she walked towards him . His body betrayed him ; he leaned forward as if to embrace her and she stopped . Even the words she spoke touched his heart as if a gentle kiss brushed his lips . He waited . His breath came quicker as he watched her . He wanted her . He wanted to embrace her . He wanted to rest his head on her lap like a child and feel safe . He did feel safe . He felt as if this is where he was meant to be . Anna didn 't want to fall asleep , yet she felt the strong pull of her bed . She had been up too long , working too hard on too many projects . She needed the relief of nothingness , the mindless abandonment of sleep . She turned out the lights and rolled into a more comfortable position . Anna sighed . The elevator doors opened quickly , she darted inside . She had to be in time , she had to catch him . With a slight jolt the elevator began it 's decent . Ninety floors , it would take too long , she had to stop him . Anna glanced at the floor indicator , it was moving as if in a free fall . Bullet Elevator . She remembered . It was the new Bullet Elevator that moved three times faster than the fastest elevator in use . She was going to make it . Before she had finished her next thought , the elevator doors opened on the ground floor and Anna began looking for him , the man she cared for . She knew he was headed for the parking lot and it was a bit of a walk . There were two routes he could take : underground via a shopping concourse or outside across a courtyard and a street . There was a turnstile ahead and a tall , slender woman taking tickets . Tickets ! Anna didn 't have a ticket . She looked down at her hand and at the necessary ticket . The slender woman smiled as she accepted the ticket . Anna moved quickly , she would catch John and everything would be all right . Car fumes , she could smell car fumes . Madelaine tried to turn over . She was lying on her side and she was painfully aware of the very hard surface beneath her . What the hell was she doing in a parking garage ? That 's where she was , an underground parking garage . Sue . She was here with Sue . They were practicing with the sword . Why ? Sue had purchased a very old sword of some obscure parentage and she wanted to practice with it . Her apartment held too many breakables to risk swinging a potentially deadly weapon so the garage it was . Kidnapped ! She remembered , Sue has been kidnapped ! She had to reach a phone , call the police , but there was still one of the kidnappers in the garage . A woman , a tall , slender woman and she had a gun . Madelaine was the target , she had tried to protect Sue and now she was in trouble . She was hiding beneath a car , she was frightened , confused . There were footsteps coming towards her , they stopped . Madelaine held her breath . 5 : 00 am came much too early in the morning to suit Madelaine but it was what her job required . It hadn 't been a restful night . She had a nagging head ache behind her eyes and she was exhausted . Madeline sighed , someone had to be at the office first and she had been nominated . Oh well , it paid the bills . Do you ever awakened from a dream and wonder about the people you have just met ? You swear you have never seen them before and yet they are familiar to you . Does the same person show up in many of your dreams , sort of a recurring figure and yet you don 't know them , or do you ? Is it a tall slender woman with a warm smile or perhaps a solid , stocky man with a glint in his eye ? Maybe both . What actually happens in our dreams ? It is almost like entertainment . Entertainment for whom ? Is it for our benefit or for someone else 's , someone with the ability to insert themselves into our minds and follow or perhaps control our dreams ? Interesting thought . Oh and pleasant dreams . Maybe I 'll see you there . Share this : TwitterFacebookLike this : Like Loading . . . This entry was posted in Short Stories and tagged believe , challenges , perception , short story , whimsy on May 21 , 2017 by quiall . April 's Showers 13 Replies Ok , so , yes I seemed to have posted this every year since I started posting . but . . . I like it . And I have had a rough week . I caught an infection and then bruised my . . er . . bum which makes everything hurtful ! So I am wimping out and posting , again , my April story . Stay tuned for next week when I wax philosophically on Reality TV . Hee hee hee ! She hated her name , she hated this month , and above all she hated this rain ! April clutched her handbag a little tighter to her chest as well as her slightly damp newspaper . It was just a few more steps before she could get out of this relentless rain and into her nice , warm coffee shop . With a sigh April sat down at her usual table and smiled at the waitress . She knew what April always ordered and she would bring her a coffee and a warm croissant just like yesterday , and the day before , and the day before that . When her coffee arrived April wrapped her chilly hands around the cup and breathed in the hot steaming aroma of freshly brewed coffee . It was coffee , it wasn 't a Grande non - fat latte with soy milk and half fat hazelnut vanilla shavings or something else bizarre . It was just coffee : good , old , black , strong coffee . For the first time that day she sighed and allowed herself to relax . This was the time of day April enjoy above all else . She could sit and relax over her cup of coffee , she could read the paper , and she could think about the day 's events : what she wanted to do , what she should do , and what she had done . As she was sipping her coffee and nibbling on her croissant the door opened and with it came a nasty , cold wet wind . And all April could do was think about how much she hated this month and shiver . The person that came through the door and intruded on April 's musing was a man . Physically he was an attractive man : tall , well - built , muscular . But he had one glaring imperfection : he was smiling ! The first words out of his mouth were the dreaded words that April had been hearing her whole life : " April showers bring May flowers ! " The man smiled and shook his umbrella causing more drops of cold water to infest the room . " I would like a cup of very hot , very strong , very ordinary coffee , if I may . " " I must admit I absolutely love the April showers . " The man positively exuded well - being . " The rain washes the world clean and leaves it smelling like spring . What could be more uplifting than a rainy day in spring ? " The waitress behind the counter chuckled to herself . She glanced over at April knowing full well that April was not a happy person in the morning and she didn 't enjoy other people being happy in the morning either . It seemed to interfere with her most comfortable state of miserable . If the gentleman in question had simply picked up his coffee and exited the café , the day would have continued in exactly the same manner as it always had . But this gentleman decided to stay and enjoy his coffee . He looked around the room and saw only one customer . Like a predator sensing fresh meat he moved towards April 's table . April looked up , too shocked to actually say anything . For the first time in her life her mind was blank . There was no witty retort on the tip of her tongue to spew forth and lash at this intrusive stranger . All she could do was stare and hope that the disdain on her face was clearly visible . April couldn 't stop staring . She knew that in polite company she should smile demurely and offer him her name . But she couldn 't do it . If she told him her name he would say what a thousand other people have said to her in that same happy tone : ' April showers bring May flowers ! ' She hated her name ! She did consider coming up with an alias on the spot , something like Hermione or Persephone . But she couldn 't do it . She sighed , it was her lot in life and she was honest enough to accept the consequences . As she said her name , April looked down at her coffee , her half eaten croissant and her unopened paper . She didn 't want to see the look on his face as he said those horrible words she had grown to hate . But one second turned in to two and then three and still he said nothing . So April raised her head and looked at him . " I know what it 's like to have a name that is used in other contexts . I get called the bill collector , or asked if I have heard the joke about the Billboard . I could use the named William but it gives people pleasure to make silly little jokes about my name and it doesn 't cost me anything . People need a little silly in their lives and I am actually quite honoured that I can put a smile on someone 's face . It does get a little tedious sometimes but it 's still a smile . April grimaced , " I find it tedious all the time ! The rain is unceasing . The damp makes my hair frizzy , my clothes get wet , my feet are constantly cold and for someone to come up to me and sing that silly song about showers and May flowers it 's horrible ! " " Actually I think it 's quite wonderful that you remind people of the beauty that comes about because of the rain in April . You could say you 're an icon that helps people to remember the beauty that 's out there and that will soon be all around us because it 's the beginning of spring . I would think you 'd be quite pleased . " " How can you be so happy with such horrible things going on in the world ? People are dying in other countries for political agendas we can 't fully understand . People are getting mugged on the street for $ 20 in their wallet . There are starving children in this city not just in other countries of the world and we sit here drinking our coffee as if nothing was wrong . How can you justify that ? " Bill 's smile wavered just a fraction and he shook his head . " You can never justify the horrible things that are going on in the world . You can support the agencies that help those who are most in need . And you can honour those who are fighting to protect our way of life . You can live your life to the fullest and never forget that there were those who gave up their lives so that you and I could sit here and drink a cup of coffee in relative peace and security . " April grasped her almost empty coffee cup tighter , her croissant and paper completely forgotten . " I can 't just shut off my mind with all the horrible things that are going on outside that door . " April was exasperated that this man didn 't understand . What right did she have to be happy ? Bill stared at this obviously distraught woman . There was more wrong here than just an individual 's dislike of a song . She was so caught up in what was wrong , evil , and hateful that she was missing the most important thing of all . He couldn 't leave this woman wallowing in this state , he had to open her eyes and make her see . " April , I have just met you . Out of the blue I chose to walk into this café to sit at this table and to speak to you . Don 't you find it interesting that I would choose to come in today ? I 've walked by this café , a hundred times and never thought twice about coming in . But today of all days , I did . Maybe it was the rain that brought me in . Maybe you and I were meant to meet . Maybe in 50 years we will be telling our grandchildren about how I picked you up in a café . " Bill 's smile was quite lopsided at this point . At first April was too stunned to respond . But somewhere deep inside her she did respond to this very strange , very attractive man . Somewhere deep inside her a smile was trying to burst through . April was almost smiling . Her hands were clutched around her coffee cup as if she was holding onto an anchor , trying desperately not to give in . She took a sip , and then looked up at her table companion . " You are absolutely right April , we can never forget what horrible things are going on in this world . But it 's also very important that we never forget what an incredible world we actually have . There are good people here . Everywhere you turn . We should never turn a blind eye to what is bad in the world . In the same token , we must never turn a blind eye or be afraid to acknowledge that beautiful things exist . The simple act of the sun rising in the morning and its rays reflecting off the dew on a rose petal should make us give thanks . " April looked at this strange man , this strange intruder , and she did smile . Maybe he was right . Maybe we need to be aware of the bad things in the world and focus on the good . It was raining today and it was cold . Maybe tomorrow the sun would shine . Maybe today was not the best of all days , but tomorrow might be . Maybe the showers did bring something good , something positive . There 's another song that April thought of at that moment . She didn 't remember the name of the song or who sang it . But there was one line : “. . . accentuate the positive . " That was a good thought . Just at that moment , the rain stopped , and a ray of sunshine poked through the clouds . The sun and the rain work hand - in - hand . Just like we all should . Share this : TwitterFacebookLike this : Like Loading . . . This entry was posted in Short Stories and tagged challenges , inspirational , perception , positive changes , short story on April 2 , 2017 by quiall . Smugglers ' Cove . . . Between 9 Replies Because of some SERIOUS requests I have written another chapter for Smuggler 's Cove . If you insist on another one I may comply but I will kill them . . . horribly ! hee hee hee The surface of the river was still , almost glass like . Looking deep you could see the current running swiftly down stream . Hungry birds circled overhead , looking for a meal . A small fish leapt above the safety of the river narrowly missing becoming lunch . For a moment the world was quiet . " John ! Help ! I can 't . . . " For only a few seconds a woman 's head broke the surface before she was dragged back down into the darkness . The unforgiving depths do not like to give back . Mere seconds behind the struggling woman was a man in a canoe . The terror on his face spoke volumes . More time went by as he searched for any sign of this woman that had enchanted his heart , his soul . He had to find her ! Two gentle souls had found each other in an out - of - way park and without meaning to , had fallen in love . John could not believe they would be separated so soon after finding each other . He felt the tears at the back of his eyes welling . His shoulders ached from the desperate paddling , his eyes searching for his heart . When the canoe was within reach John jumped out next to the body of his beloved . Immediately he felt the water dragging at his clothes , determined to pull him down . The canoe , caught by another branch , floated nearby . John 's hands trembled , unsure , desperate to know . With that almost imperceptible movement John reacted . His training took over his actions . He checked her pulse : strong . Breathing : shallow but steady . Pupils : reactive . Small contusion on forehead . She was safe to move . She needed to be warm and monitored . He needed to check for other possible injuries . The next few minutes became a blur . John was able to disentangle Anna and get her to shore . It may only have been a few feet but it felt like miles . He made sure she was safe and returned for the canoe . Those supplies could make the difference between living and dying . It took a little time but John was able to make a fire , make Anna comfortable and put water on to boil . He cleaned her wounds . They were minor and should pose no future problems . Her breathing was stronger but still she slept . John agonized over whether to leave her to find help or to stay . A little tea should help . While he busied himself with the mundane tasks of finding the tea and cups he was able to calm down . They would survive this . She would survive this . His head was down , diligently measuring tea leaves into a strainer when he heard a sound . He quickly looked to Anna , still she slumbered . He raised his eyes to the forest a few meters away . His heart stopped . There , just beside a very full tree was the largest wolf he had ever seen . John had seen hundreds in his years in the Parks Services but never one this close and this . . . alive . He was afraid to breath ! And then it moved . Wolves have a reputation as efficient killers , vicious animals that maul the unwary for fun . Nothing could be further from the truth . Wolves are intelligent pack animals who care deeply for their young and avoid people as much as possible . And yet here was a magnificent specimen silently staring at . . . Anna ? Normally an adversary keeps his eyes on an opponent but that didn 't seem to be the case here . Why ? Before John had finished his thought the wolf took a step forward and then another . Then it did the strangest thing : it sat . With it 's head cocked to one side and it 's tongue hanging out it look just like a family pet . John sat back on his heals . The movement didn 't disturb the wolf at all . It 's gaze never left Anna . It didn 't seem to be aggressive , more . . . supportive ? Was John dreaming ? After what seemed to be hours the wolf slowly returned to the forest . At that moment the water started boiling furiously . John was reminded of his duties and returned to them . The hours did pass . John tried to stay awake to tend to the fire and to worry about the wolf but the inevitable did happen . The stress , fear and fatigue took hold and John slept . Someone 's dog ? John came awake in a hurry with that comment . He looked towards the sound of his beloved 's voice and saw her with a huge wolf gently accepting her ministrations . She was petting him and tugging at his ears and he seemed to like it ! " I had such awful dreams and then I felt this warmth embrace me . I felt such love . Then I felt a wet tongue on my face and it was Samson . He sat by me while you slept . I think he was keeping an eye on us both . John started to laugh . It was so abrupt that both Anna and Samson were startled . Then they both joined in . Or , at least one did , the other gave the impression he was enjoying the process . John grinned at the two of them . A wild animal and a beautiful writer . What could be more incongruous and more appropriate ? Perhaps Anna would write about a tame wolf named Samson in their new life . He would find an out - of - the - way park in which to work and Anna would write stories for children . All would be well . They had each other . Share this : TwitterFacebookLike this : Like Loading . . . This entry was posted in Short Stories and tagged adventure , challenges , communication , love story , short story on March 19 , 2017 by quiall . Smuggler 's Cove . . . again 14 Replies Anita sat back , she was tired but she still smiled as she remembered . Today was an anniversary of sorts . Thirty one years ago today she was reborn . She remembered the woman she had been , fondly . Actually , if she had not been the woman she was then , she would not be the woman she was today . With a quiet chuckle Anita stood up and approached the bed where the object of her remembrances lay sleeping . She laid a gentle hand on his brow and he stirred for just a moment . But his breathing was deep , he would not wake for some time yet . So she sat back down and once again remembered . ' John cupped her face in his hand , her beautiful face . She wore no make - up , she didn 't need any . There was no artifice to her . Everything she felt showed on her face . Right now it showed her dismay at alarming people and something else . John wondered what she was thinking , feeling . He took her elbow and helped her to stand . ' It was at that moment that the woman , who used to be known as Anna , knew her destiny . This man was her future . She once swore that she would never allow another man to get too close to her heart . But John had sneaked in under her radar . And she was glad . John too was having an epiphany . As he helped her to stand he could feel the weight of her heart in his hands . John knew that his future rested with this woman . Anita sighed and shook her head . It had all happened so quickly . Without a word the two had gripped hands and decided to leave together . The woman who was Anna had never considered herself spontaneous . But here in the blink of an eye she was running away from a life that she had , with a man that she barely knew . But her heart was full and her conscience was clear . John too was leaving behind nothing that meant anything to him . He was not running away from life , he was running to it and taking with him all that had meaning . All those years ago John had already been planning his escape . He loved the park , he really did , but he could never escape who he really was . Jonathan Edward Bellamy III was a curse , an albatross that John wore around his neck . So to that end John had been preparing for his escape for many months . Money had been secreted away , a temporary hideaway had been prepared , and all that was still needed was a push . Anna provided the final reason . So the two left the park quietly in a canoe that John kept in Smugglers Cove . " John ? John ? " The concern in her voice was evident , but there was no response from the object of her concern . She felt his brow and it was cool , not fevered as it had been for several days . Anita was sure the danger had now passed . She wanted to weep as a release for her pent up fears . She had been so afraid she was going to lose him : this man she had loved for thirty - one years . On one side of the room was a slight , red haired lady with her hands firmly planted on her hips and a scowl on her face . On the other side of the room was a tall , pale man who was still recovering from a recent illness . The battle of wills was about to be waged and there was little doubt as to the victor . " Okay , okay , you win ! I promise to avoid marathons and mountain climbing for at least a month . Just remove the scowl from that beautiful face , please ? " " John . . . " Anita spoke lowly and crossed the room to put her arms around her patient . " I was so very afraid , I can 't lose you . " It hadn 't always been easy but the one thing they never lost sight of was each other . That first night in the canoe had been amusing . They were acting like high school students , running away . It was a bit tricky canoeing with a cane and she would not give up her laptop computer , but they managed . They only had to go a few miles by canoe and in some ways it was quite exciting . She never regretted what she had done . She did always wondered what everyone thought about the two of them . They slept for the first night in an old rundown cottage that someone had left unlocked . Or perhaps John was just good at breaking and entering , she didn 't ask . It had taken them almost a week of traveling to finally reach their hideaway . John had planned well . There was a vehicle , there was food , and there was a place to sleep . Of course he had only planned on one person on the run not two , but they made do . Perhaps the first month was the most difficult . They had to discover each other and had to come to terms with the lives they had left behind . Anita felt that she had not left anything important behind but she thought John had . After all he came from a family with money and position , how you give that up ? But John thought about it differently . He hated who he had been and by definition the people who had forced him to be that person . But he had prepared well . They chose new identities and set about planning their life together . But there was always one thing in the back in Anita 's mind : returning to Smugglers Cove . The money John had saved only lasted a few months but both were prepared to work to support their new lives . Perhaps it was nostalgia , perhaps it was guilt but Anita chose to write children 's stories that were quite successful . John once again took a position in an out of the way park . They had what they needed in life and they had each other . It was a good life . Share this : TwitterFacebookLike this : Like Loading . . . This entry was posted in Short Stories and tagged challenges , love , passage of time , perception , short story on February 19 , 2017 by quiall . Smuggler 's Cove 13 Replies Jonathan Edward Bellamy III . A name destined to sit in the Supreme Court after a spotless career as a criminal lawyer , or perhaps the head of a multi - national banking conglomerate with a profit margin in the tens of millions . Well perhaps Jonathan might have gone that route but not John . John was sitting in a ten year old truck wondering if his rent cheque was going to bounce , and that truck was sitting on a mountain pass that overlooked a pristine national park which that Supreme Court judge would kill to see . John figured he was the wealthier of the two . Being born into a wealthy and prominent family brought with it a great many obligations that John had always balked at . People who knew he came from money were either anxious to be his new best friend or hated him for his presumed privileges . It had been hard trying to fit into that world . John didn 't like the phoney debutants or their mothers trying to make ' good ' matches for them . He just didn 't belong to that world . He belonged here , where the air was fresh , the people were real and where one worried about rent cheques . When John walked away from the privileged life he also walked away from his wealth . That was fine with him . Money should be earned not inherited . Today John was thinking about that rent cheque but he was also thinking about the tourists . Today was the first day of summer vacation and it had always been a trial in the park . High School kids brought booze , which was banned , and College kids brought drugs , which were worse . Parents brought small children and expected the Rangers and Park Attendants to be babysitters . Couples brought their pets and were indignant when they were turned away . They didn 't seem to understand that this was a Wild Lands Park with wild animals , animals that might mistake ' Spot ' for lunch . It had happened . Not often fortunately . It really was amazing just how dumb some people could be . It was almost time . The Park opened at 10 am and it was almost that now . John turned his ignition on and started for the main gates . It wasn 't all bad ; there were a lot of good , decent people who genuinely wanted to learn about the bears , the deer , and the other inhabitants of the forest . They were the ones that made everything worthwhile . As John approached the main gates he could see the people waiting patiently for the gates to open . Not everyone was waiting patiently of course : he could see a couple of cars of what appeared to be college students . We had better flag that group . Maybe they will turn out to be biology students with a real love for the forest and it 's inhabitants , and maybe not . John heaved a quiet sigh ; it could be a long summer . He watched the cars entering the park . Movement near the lodge caught his eye . Red . Specifically : red hair , long silky , red hair . It belonged to a single woman who had booked a month at the lodge that was adjacent to the park . She was quite a looker Miss Anna Wilson . Now there was an interesting story . Young , attractive , women did not spend a month at an out of the way park alone . She didn 't seem to be meeting anyone and she wandered the forest trails quite often . Always alone . She used a cane and carried a laptop computer . Why ? Jessica at the lodge said she was a very nice , quiet woman . She seemed sad some how . What was she running from ? She had been here a week and John had spoken to her often , going out of his way to do so . She was intelligent , but not forthcoming about her past . Everyone was entitled to their privacy . Except John was curious . It had been a very long week . There was the two year old who had burrowed underneath the showers rather successfully . That took a couple of hours and several staff members to bring to a satisfactory conclusion . Mom wanted to go home NOW . Then there was the diamond necklace that went missing . Why anyone would bring an expensive bauble to a park went beyond dumb . It was located in the husband 's jacket pocket . He was playing a trick on his wife . As for those college students , they really were here to study the local flora and fauna . Unfortunately they were also studying the effects of some of their own personal flora , which was definitely illegal . They agreed to leave quietly , without the illegal plants . Another one for the burn pile . John stood at the top of the trail and looked down . It was steep , an awkward climb even for him . There was no way a woman with a cane could manoeuvre down to the cove . It was one of John 's favourite spots . Here , alone , he could think without any interruptions from tourists . He scanned the small beach and started to turn away . Out of the corner of his eye he caught a shape that did not belong . It was a woman . A woman with red hair and she wasn 't moving . Her hair was splayed out behind her as if she had fallen backwards . John started to run . It took him a full minute to reach her but she didn 't move . He looked for signs of an injury and softly called her name once , twice , three times . She stirred , eyes sleepy . She stretched like a cat . John sat back on his heels and pulled out his cell phone . " Looking for you . " John snapped . He was angry . This blasted woman had the unmitigated gall to make him fall in love with her , to disappear for a full day and then not even have the decency to be injured or , or , whatever . He had been worried sick and she was fine . " John , did you know about this spot ? It 's wonderful ! It is quiet and serene . I have been able to write here so easily , it is almost as if . . . . John ? What 's wrong ? " " Anna you have been gone for almost 7 hours . Jessica is worried sick . Rangers have been out looking for you ever since you failed to show up at the lodge for lunch . And how the hell did you get down here anyway ? " As he spoke John 's voice grew in volume until he was almost shouting and his teeth were clenched . Anna smiled . She tried to hide her grin but failed miserably . Of course this made John even angrier . She stopped listening to his lecture on the dangers of the Park and instead watched his face . It was a good face , clean - shaven with a slight nick under his jaw line . He was probably distracted this morning , thinking about the latest batch of tourists . He was always concerned that each individual reap the most from their stay at the campgrounds . He wanted everyone to love the park as he did , just as she had come to do . Anna had come to the park to escape her life . She didn 't want to end her life she just didn 't want to live it any more . Yes John had a good face , strong , his eyes were brown , a deep inviting brown . And his body , well … . Yes he was definitely nice to look at and his voice , well he could read a phone book out loud and still enthral a crowd . At least a crowd of one . Anna stopped smiling . Was she falling in love with this paragon of manhood ? She could not allow that . That was a dangerous trail she would never venture down again . John cupped her face in his hand , her beautiful face . She wore no make - up , she didn 't need any . There was no artifice to her . Everything she felt showed on her face . Right now it showed her dismay at alarming people and something else . John wondered what she was thinking , feeling . He took her elbow and helped her to stand . John looked at this woman that he had come to care for . They were both lonely people looking to escape their lives . Perhaps they were both here on this spot for a reason . Coach Adamson wondered if he was doing the right thing bringing these boys to this park for the weekend . They didn 't know what had happened here , on this spot , thirty - eight years ago . Actually no one really knew what happened . Two people were gone . What they had found all those years ago was an abandoned truck and a sweater that had belonged to a park visitor . His father 's little sister . Had two lonely people run away together or had an accident claimed their lives ? Coach looked out at the river , now shrouded in darkness . He had been warned that the currents near the centre of the river could be deadly . Had they been thirty - eight years ago ? " The Ranger you were just talking to with that hot chick . Wow I guess there are perks to working in an out of the way Park like this ! The boys laughed and turned back to their fire and their questionable jokes . The Coach turned back to look at the water 's edge . He saw clearly in the sand the imprint of a man 's feet and right beside them a smaller pair : a woman 's . He look out into darkness , they were here . . . again . Share this : TwitterFacebookLike this : Like Loading . . . This entry was posted in Short Stories and tagged challenges , differences , hope , love , short story on February 12 , 2017 by quiall . TELL ME A TALE IN 120 WORDS 5 Replies I thought I would try TELL ME A TALE IN 120 WORDS . Without the prompt , the story is 120 words . Hey ! Me being pithy ! Go figure . Check it out : https : / / rantingalong . wordpress . com I tried to scream , fear had closed my throat . My mouth stretched in horror . I could feel it 's breath like a furnace licking at my eyes . I was caught . Something had gripped me tight . I couldn 't get free . Help me , please ! I don 't want to die ! I tried to force air into my starving lungs . It hurt so much . The tears sliding out of my eyes dried almost immediately . I couldn 't even cry . No . No ! I would fight ! I will not submit ! I dragged hot air into my lungs and with a burst of adrenalin I lunged forward ! Freedom ! I wrestled that pillow and the fearsome blankets that had held prisoner , to their defeat . I was free . I would sleep . Share this : TwitterFacebookLike this : Like Loading . . . This entry was posted in Short Stories and tagged # PROMPT , # TMAT120 , short story , Two on a Rant , writing on February 2 , 2017 by quiall . Dream Walker 6 Replies Have you ever awoken from a deep sleep with your lips pulsating as if from a lover 's kiss ? Have you ever been alone in the middle of the night and yet awoken gasping and wet as if from an intimate embrace ? Dreams . In the middle of the night our defences are at their weakest . We cannot protect ourselves from the dreams that enter our minds when we are asleep . The experts say that we dream constantly , that our minds are solving complex problems that we cannot contend with when conscious . That would explain many dreams but not all of them . Some people do not remember their dreams . Some awaken feeling as if something wonderful has happened but they have no recollection of what . Others awaken with the dream intact . Dreams are not reality . Or are they ? What if they are manifestations of a different reality ? What if dreams are engineered by a person or persons with more powerful minds than the average dreamer ? What if . . . . . Jeremy laid his head on the pillow . He sighed . It had been an exhausting day and he needed his sleep desperately . Preferably eight blissfully uninterrupted hours of unconsciousness . Then he could start this nonsense all over again . His eyes closed , his body relaxed . There was a gentle breeze wafting through the glen . That seemed to keep the temperature comfortable although he couldn 't actually feel it . He knew it was there by watching the long grasses moving as if to a gentle love ballad . Jeremy didn 't know where he was . He did know that he was at peace here ; the rest of the world was far away and unimportant . And then he saw her . A tall slender figure slowly materialized out of the dense forest . They say that beauty is quantifiable , that there are certain effects that are the difference between beautiful and merely attractive . They say that our visual understanding is predicated on our past experiences and that our interpretation of what we see is primal . Jeremy had no words to speak or even to think of as she walked towards him . His body betrayed him ; he leaned forward as if to embrace her and she stopped . Even the words she spoke touched his heart as if a gentle kiss brushed his lips . He waited . His breath came quicker as he watched her . He wanted her . He wanted to embrace her . He wanted to rest his head on her lap like a child and feel safe . He did feel safe . He felt as if this is where he was meant to be . Anna didn 't want to fall asleep , yet she felt the strong pull of her bed . She had been up too long , working too hard on too many projects . She needed the relief of nothingness , the mindless abandonment of sleep . She turned out the lights and rolled into a more comfortable position . Anna sighed . The elevator doors opened quickly , she darted inside . She had to be in time , she had to catch him . With a slight jolt the elevator began it 's decent . Ninety floors , it would take too long , she had to stop him . Anna glanced at the floor indicator , it was moving as if in a free fall . Bullet Elevator . She remembered . It was the new Bullet Elevator that moved three times faster than the fastest elevator in use . She was going to make it . Before she had finished her next thought , the elevator doors opened on the ground floor and Anna began looking for him , the man she cared for . She knew he was headed for the parking lot and it was a bit of a walk . There were two routes he could take : underground via a shopping concourse or outside across a courtyard and a street . There was a turnstile ahead and a tall , slender woman taking tickets . Tickets ! Anna didn 't have a ticket . She looked down at her hand and at the necessary ticket . The slender woman smiled as she accepted the ticket . Anna moved quickly , she would catch John and everything would be all right . Car fumes , she could smell car fumes . Madelaine tried to turn over . She was lying on her side and she was painfully aware of the very hard surface beneath her . What the hell was she doing in a parking garage ? That 's where she was , an underground parking garage . Sue . She was here with Sue . They were practicing with the sword . Why ? Sue had purchased a very old sword of some obscure parentage and she wanted to practice with it . Her apartment held too many breakables to risk swinging a potentially deadly weapon so the garage it was . Kidnapped ! She remembered , Sue has been kidnapped ! She had to reach a phone , call the police , but there was still one of the kidnappers in the garage . A woman , a tall , slender woman and she had a gun . Madelaine was the target , she had tried to protect Sue and now she was in trouble . She was hiding beneath a car , she was frightened , confused . There were footsteps coming towards her , they stopped . Madelaine held her breath . 5 : 00 am came much too early in the morning to suit Madelaine but it was what her job required . It hadn 't been a restful night . She had a nagging head ache behind her eyes and she was exhausted . Madeline sighed , someone had to be at the office first and she had been nominated . Oh well , it paid the bills . Do you ever awakened from a dream and wonder about the people you have just met ? You swear you have never seen them before and yet they are familiar to you . Does the same person show up in many of your dreams , sort of a recurring figure and yet you don 't know them , or do you ? Is it a tall slender woman with a warm smile or perhaps a solid , stocky man with a glint in his eye ? Maybe both . What actually happens in our dreams ? It is almost like entertainment . Entertainment for whom ? Is it for our benefit or for someone else 's , someone with the ability to insert themselves into our minds and follow or perhaps control our dreams ? Interesting thought . Oh and pleasant dreams . Maybe I 'll see you there . Share this : TwitterFacebookLike this : Like Loading . . . This entry was posted in Short Stories and tagged challenges , dreams , intimidation , perception , short story on January 22 , 2017 by quiall . Animal Tails As a child I had a fascination with animals : all kinds of animals . At one time or another I had turtles , fish , birds , cats , and dogs . I always wanted white mice but my mother put her foot down over that one . Over the years I have had many birds along with the family dogs . One episode in particular happened while I was at school . I came home to find my mother at the door with a sad look on her face . My bird had died . My mother , being the kind soul that she was , buried the bird . I never thought to ask why I wasn 't invited to the funeral , or how the bird died . My mom wouldn 't lie to me or lead me astray , would she ? Read on . Ten years later my mother is regaling a friend with the story of this clever bird that would open its cage door and dive bomb our poodle . One day the bird attacked the family dog and , well , the dog grabbed the bird . The bird died . It gives a whole new understanding of the expression ' dog 's breakfast ' . The story continued . Evidently the feathers were so thick in the air you could have cut them with a machete . Ten years later and I burst into tears . Ten years . The poodle in question was sleeping on the floor at my feet . My mother didn 't want me to hate our dog so she told me the bird had just died . She didn 't actually lie ; she just didn 't tell me the whole truth . The only reason I even knew the bird had died was because my mother couldn 't find another one to replace it . And she did try . Now I can appreciate why she would want to protect the child . Childhood is a fragile time . I understood death but not killing . Especially by someone I loved . And I did love that dog , killer that he was . Moms are so smart , I can 't remember the name of that bird but the dog was called Beau Brummel and I still miss him . When we were growing up we used to take a drive almost every Sunday after Church . It was a great way to see what was beyond the boundaries of our home . On one such trip we stopped for lunch at a small diner in a town near Kirkland Lake , Ontario , Canada . After eating , my brother ( 11 ) and sister ( 9 ) wandered away and found a phone book . They returned to the table to inform my father that there was a dog kennel in town and that he had promised them a dog . That is how we ended up in a kennel looking at a litter of poodles frolicking on the floor at our feet . My father wanted a Shepard but the owner would not sell a Shepard to a family with small children because of possible biting problems with the breed . So we watched these poodle pups for a minute . In the midst of the ruckus was a slightly older puppy , 8 months old . No one wanted him because his front legs had been broken as a small pup and not set properly . As a result his front legs were not straight . He walked and ran just fine . His lineage may have been good but he wasn 't perfect , except to us . Beau lived to be 17 years old and he was a valuable thread that weaved through all our lives . Share this : TwitterFacebookLike this : Like Loading . . . This entry was posted in Childhood innocence , Short Stories and tagged family stories , humour , Life , passage of time , short story on January 8 , 2017 by quiall . 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I am married to a Christian illusionist . Therefore , I travel all over the country where we perform shows that are filled with magic and a message about the saving power of Jesus Christ . I act as assistant as well as stage manager , stage hand , and many other behind the scenes jobs . Brock 's parents drove our truck to California for us . They arrived yesterday and we hit the town . We ate some fish tacos and a pizzookie for lunch at BJ 's . Then , we went to the Kodak theater and Man 's Chinese Theater . That 's where all of the actors ' stars are on the ground . We took lots of pictures with the Hollywood sign as well as grabbed something at Starbucks . My in - laws don 't have a Starbucks at home . Then , we drove to Venice Beach . Brock and I had never been there . It 's really cool . This is the place where you see people roller skating and skateboarding on the beach in the movies . The beach has basketball courts and a park . It 's lined with shops and stuff . Most of the people there were very different . We saw more dope in one place than I had ever seen . Brock 's mom told Brock , " There are only two unusual people here . That 's your dad and me . " It was strange , but Brock 's all - American parents really did stand out at Venice Beach . We ate at an organic vegetarian place for dinner . It was really good and easy on my stomach . We then went to a chocolate place and got some fine chocolate . Since we were right down the street from 3rd Street Prominade in Santa Monica , we took Brock 's parents there . After looking in a few of the shops , we noticed a couple of children talking in front of a camera . As we were watching Brock 's dad said to me , " I bet Brock would be great at this . " Just then , one of the producers walked over and asked Brock to go next . They even got Brock 's parents to participate . It was something for Nickelodeon . Not only did my in - laws visit LA , but they became instant TV stars ! Yesterday was a great day in LA . Brock had a meeting with a stunt guy , so we went to a studio to meet with him . He was at Sony Pictures Studio working on the set of Spiderman 3 . He showed us all around the set . It was really cool . I 've seen sets before , but not one for a movie with so many special effects . They had elaborate sets that looked like they could be manipulated during an action scene . It 's really difficult to describe , but it 's amazing ! Then , we went to a chocolate photo shoot . We went with our friend , Mike Trozzo , who seems to do random stuff much of the time . When we reached the studio they used for the chocolate photos , there were several fashion sketches scattered around . The guy said that we had just missed Molly Sims by about 15 minutes . We were able to sample some of the chocolate ! After that , we went to 3rd Street Prominade in Santa Monica to look for new show clothes . It 's a fun place to shop . You can find reasonable stuff , but it can be very expensive as well . Two times Brock tried on jeans that he really liked only to find out that they were hundreds of dollars ! We 'll buy our jeans at home . However , he did find some cool pants , a shirt , and a blazer . I found a one - of - a - kind shirt as well for a great price ! We fly to California today . Honestly , I 'm not ready to go . I haven 't been home very long , and I 've been sick most of the time . However , I really like California . Pray for us the next few weeks . We 're in California until Sunday . We come home just in time for GMA week at which Brock has many interviews and events . Then , we leave that weekend for Atlanta for the conference tour . After that , we go to a Freedom Experience in Kentucky . Finally , we 'll be able to rest when we return home on the 14th of April ! Last night , we went to see Mute Math . I though that the concert began at 6pm , so Brock rushed back into town and met me at 5pm for dinner . Luckily , one of our favorite restaurants was next door to the concert venue . We ate dinner and watched as the line to get in the door continued to grow and grow . Some of our friends came into the restaurant and told us that there were three opening bands that would not begin playing until 7pm . So , we stayed in the restaurant for 3 and 1 / 2 hours . People we knew kept coming into the restaurant . We probably saw 40 or more people that we knew . It was fun hanging out with people that I haven 't seen in a while . We finally went to the concert at around 9pm . Mute Math rocked ! They were the best band that I 've seen in a long time . The drummer is the most energetic drummer that I 've ever seen . He had his ear piece monitor duct taped to his head . At one of their concerts in the past , he had to go get in the shower because he was overheated . The lead singer had a look of surprise on his face the entire time that made you feel like a kid having a good time . He was formerly in a band called Earthsuit . We 've worked with them on occasion . He 's a really nice guy , and he likes magic ! You that read this blog and pray must have a direct line to the Father . Everytime I put a prayer request on this blog , it 's taken care of within the hour . I usually acclimate very well to different places and time zones and such . However , for some reason , this week has been rough . My stomach has been jacked up from the different foods I 'd eaten in Alaska . Although the food was great , it was too different for my body to handle . I don 't have exhaustion anymore , but I haven 't been sleeping too well . Then , I think that I might have done a little more damage to my shoulder when I went snowmobiling . Whenever I posted that request the other day , everything seemed to get better . I woke up this morning feeling great ! I slept so much yesterday and last night . I think that I still needed more rest . Keep praying for my shoulder though . Eventually I 'm going to need surgery . We just need to know when and how to make that possible . Thanks for your prayers . Your prayers are very powerful . Please pray for my shoulder . For some reason , my right shoulder produced little bone fragments instead of the lubricant that it 's supposed to produce . Now , some of the fragments have wedged into my rotator cup making motion hard to do . It hasn 't been too much of a problem . I just can 't hang . I don 't know when you need to hang as an adult . The only way to fix it is through surgery . This surgery would cost me around $ 2 , 500 out of pocket and a few months out of work to recover . We 've been wanting to schedule a time to get it fixed , but have not . It hasn 't caused me any pain until the last couple of days . Over the last few days , the pain has increased and the mobility has decreased . Please pray that it will get better on its own at least until I can schedule to have the surgery . Brock performs an escape called the 100 feet of rope challenge . He brings some boyscouts up onstage and gets them to tie him up in 100 feet of rope anyway they want to head to foot . While we were in Alaska , Brock escaped out of the rope several times . Two times , they tied him to a column . That 's never happened before . One time , the guys onstage were not doing a very good job , so Brock invited anyone who wanted to help to come to the stage . Twenty people stormed the stage . They proceeded to tackle Brock to the ground and tie him up . I helplessly stood by and watched . It was actually rather funny . Nobody thought that Brock could escape at this point . . . he did in about 2 and 1 / 2 minutes ! All he has to show for it is a serious rope burn . Brock made us pull over on the side of the road and take a picture of a political sign . It was the guy running for mayor of Anchorage . . . his name was JACK FROST . Can you believe that a guy in Alaska is named that ? We took a picture of the sign stuck down into the snow . You see crazy things on the road sometimes . Alaska is three times the size of Texas and 1 / 5th of the United States . It has around 600 , 000 in population and half of that population live in Anchorage . They call us down here " the lower 48 . " " The bush " refers to places in which you cannot reach by car . There are no roads to the bush . There are eskimos . They often times live in the bush . North Alaska gets 24 hours of sunlight in the summer and 24 hours of darkness in the winter . Anchorage gets only a few hours of sunlight in the winter . While we were there , the hours of light and darkness were fairly normal . They are gaining 45 minutes of light a week there right now . Certain parts of Alaska can get down to - 80 degrees during the winter . Mt . McKinley is 20 , 000 feet and is the highest peak in North America . Yesterday was the most miserable day of my life . You might think that I 'm using a cliche , but it literally was the most miserable day of my life ! It began when I woke up in my hotel room yesterday morning at around 5am . I could barely get up out of the bed because I was so sore . My whole upper body was still tense from trying to hang on to the back of the snow machine . Brock is 6 ' 4 " , so he didn 't fit very well on the snow machine as it was . . . add me to the back and it wasn 't very comfortable . We had to double up on the way and way back to the area where we were able to go out on our own . The ride back was brutal . Then , we ate breakfast and I had some reindeer sausage . I had also eaten several other things that I would normally not have eaten while I was in Alaska , such as fried Alaskan King crab nuggets , fried halibut , caribou ( which is another name for reindeer ) jerkey , and gourmet pizza . Just as we reached the airport , my stomach was feeling woosy . I began to feel worse and worse . After our 5 hour flight from Anchorage to Minneapolis , I felt like I couldn 't stay on that plane another minute . Then , when we were eating at the airport , I began to get hot and uncomfortable . I 've almost fainted three times in my life . You get hot and everything starts to close in on you . All three times , I was able to breath heavily and ward off passing out . So , here I was in the middle of a crowded food court about to pass out . This is when Brock began to really worry about me . He decided that I had exhaustion . When I thought about it , it was a plausible explaination . I haven 't really stopped since Disney World . Plus , the time change was so different in Alaska that I never really slept very well . Somehow , I made it home . Can you imagine being nauseous and feeling faint on a plane ? It 's the worst . Then , of course , they lost our luggage with all of our toiletry stuff in it . That really topped the day off nicely . However , I just woke up this morning feeling great . I slept 10 hours last night . I don 't know if I 've ever done that before . I 'm aPosted by We had a blast yesterday . We went snowmobiling , or snow machining . That 's what they call it in Alaska . The weather was perfect for riding . We had just received some fresh snow the day before ( probably about 6 inches or so ) . The temperature warmed up to 36 degrees . We rode through the trees and over rivers . The area where we cut loose and had open range was a lake . You wouldn 't know that there was water under us . It just looked like a snowy field . It was beautiful . I must say , everywhere I look in Alaska is georgeous ! The ground is white , the trees green , and the mountains purple . It 's an amazing place . Yesterday was tough . We did three shows . Last night was the last show of nine since we 've been here in Alaska . We are whiped out . It snowed all day yesterday . The snow was pretty , and everyone said that it was a typical day in Alaska . Again , I tried to pretend that I lived here and we were going to church in the morning and night . However , it didn 't work yesterday . . . We 've been away from home for over three weeks now and I 'm ready to get back . The people are really nice here and it 's an awesome state , but honestly , I was slightly homesick yesterday . I 'm anxious to get back home and stay in my house and see my friends . I want to cook our own food and eat out on the back patio . I want to hang out at the Cocoa Tree and the coffee shop . It goes to show you how much people love home no matter where they live . You could be in the most awesome place and still miss home . The good news is that we will be home tomorrow night . I 'm usually ready to get home just a couple of days before it 's time , but we 're going snowmobiling today . That will be fun ! I saw a moose ! We were driving down the road and it was coming down the hill to cross the street . It was amazing to see . We also saw a bald eagle . It was beautiful . It 's shape was so distinctive and regal . The eagle was perched up in a tree and we snapped some shots of it with our zoom lense . Then , it began to soar along with another eagle throughout the mountains . It was incredible ! Yesterday , they took us on a georgious drive . We went into the mountains along the ocean . There were glaciers everywhere . At one point , we stopped and got out to go take a closer look . There was a huge rock out in the water . By the time I had put my gloves on and got my camera ready , Brock was at the top of the rock . It was colder yesterday and windy . I can honestly say that the time we spent outside of the car at that spot was the coldest I 've ever been . The local guy said that it was definately below zero with the wind chill factor . My hands hurt for at least ten minutes after we had returned to the warm car . They were so red . Later , one of the locals said that I probably did have a slight form of frost bite . The show went well . Over 50 Alaskans gave their lives to Christ . . . students as well as adults . The crowd was a little rowdy . I don 't think that they are accustomed to having many shows , so I don 't think they know quite how to act at one . However , they were a really fun audience . We 're staying in a hotel that has a feel like an apartment . We have a small kitchen area and a bay window with some cushions to sit . Since I 've been waking up so early , I sit in that bay window reading my books and watching the sun come up over the snow covered mountains . It 's really nice . I don 't usually do this , but since we are staying in this same hotel for 6 nights , I placed all of our clothes in drawers . So , I 'm sort of pretending that I live here right now . We go out and work everyday , but we have some time off everyday too . For example , yesterday we did a few school assemblies during the day but had the evening off . Today , we have the day off and perform tonight . Last night , we ate at a place called Humpy 's . I had halibut tacos . They were fabulous . Then , we drove to the chocolate factory . They had a large chocolate waterfall . I wanted to drink from the waterfall , but I found out that the chocolate in it was 5 years old ! We did a little shopping . We bought Brock a coat . ( I accidently left his in the truck back in Florida . ) We also bought a knife called an ulu . They have a handle and a circular shaped blade . The natives invented it for skinning seals or something . My friend that used to live here said they are really good . She and her mom had me buy them one while I was here . Brock was really excited about it . We got the knife , the cutting bowl , and an instructional video to go with it . Yesterday was the longest day of my life . . . literally . It began when I woke up in Florida at 7am . Even though we had gone to bed late the night before , I decided to go ahead and get up . I knew that it would take me an hour to try and get back to sleep anyway , so I got up and packed everything up . Therefore , whenever the rest of my family woke up about 8 : 30am , I was able to spend what little time I had left eating breakfast and talking with them . We drove to the airport around 10 : 45am and flew out at 1 : 15pm Eastern Standard Time . We landed in Anchorage , AL last night at around 8 : 15pm Alaska time which is one hour ahead of Pacific Time . Can you believe that we 're four hours ahead here ? ( That 's why it 's 4 : 30am as I write this . ) The flying time alone was about 9 hours yesterday . It takes less time to fly to England . Not that I 'm complaining . I loved being in Florida and I love being in Alaska . It was just crazy going from the furthest southeast state to the most extreme northwest . The high in Florida was 91 degrees . Here the high is 22 degrees and they 're happy about it . We went from white sandy beaches to snow on the ground . This is a crazy life we lead . It was great to visit with my family . I love my grandma . She has a very quick wit . Recently , a lady visiting her and Papa in the hospital had on a cute jogging suit . Grandma told her that she really liked it and would like to have it after it was worn out . The lady went home , washed the outfit , and gave it to Grandma the next day . Grandma told her that she felt bad because it was almost like she asked for it . The lady told her not to steal her joy of being able to give . Without missing a beat , Grandma said , " Well , I really like your purse . " Since Papa died , Grandma seems to be holding up well . She forgets that he 's gone sometimes . She said that she would be reading a sympathy card and think that she needed to tell Papa about the card . She lives on " Golden Gate Boulevard . " That 's the actual street name . I don 't know how I feel about that . Her sister lives right down the street and she has lots of children , grandchildren , and great grandchildren living in the same town . So , she is surrounded by a lot of people that care about her . She 's a wonderful lady . The other day when we were entering Disney World , an older women standing in line in front of us could not get her ticket to work . The ticket taker impatiently told her that the ticket was for the wrong day and that she would have to go to the ticket counter and purchase another ticket . The lady looked very confused and told her that she had just bought the ticket from the ticket counter a few minutes earlier . As the lady 's family , grandchildren and children , waited for her inside the park , the Disney worker continued arguing with the elderly lady . We had an extra ticket , so Brock simply handed her a new ticket with no explanations . The older woman 's eyes grew big . After the ticket went thru with no problems , the lady as well as the Disney worker agreed that it was the nicest gesture they 'd seen . Then , the lady quickly grabbed my hand and said , " You 've got a great guy there . " The timing was perfect . It was so satisfying to encounter someone that needed something and be able to fulfill that need so perfectly . I can assure you that nobody around us had an extra ticket , and judging by the Disney ticket taker 's reaction , nobody had ever so freely given a ticket to a stranger . It didn 't cost us anything to give the women our extra free ticket . Maybe you will see someone in need of something this week and be able to fulfill that need . If you are able , do it , because it will be just as much of a blessing to you as to the one in need . One of my favorite bands is releasing their new album today . The band is called Pocket Full of Rocks . Go to your local Christian bookstore and buy it . You won 't be sorry . He is such an anointed worship leader . We ended up getting back at around 1 : 30am after the Supercross . That wasn 't too bad . Then , we did another day of shows . My mom flew in Friday night and came with my aunt to the show yesterday . After we finished our last illusion . I packed everything in the cases and all of our luggage for this week and next in Alaska . I left the actual loading into the trailer up to Brock and Stephy . Mom , my Aunt June , and I went to Daytona last night . We visited with some friends from a long time ago . I 've been out of Daytona for 14 years now , but it 's funny how it 's still home . I guess wherever you grow up is always special . Today , we 're going to stay with my grandma . Dad is flying in tomorrow . It 's going to be a great time with family that I don 't get to see as often as I would like . I 'm sitting at the Daytona Speedway 's parking lot . We performed in Orlando tonight , and were off of the stage at 8 : 40pm . Then , we flew the 50 miles to Daytona in order to see the Supercross . The main race began at 10pm . We arrived at 9 : 50pm . We watched the 30 minute race and the after interviews . It was exciting ! This is Brock 's highlight of the year . Now , I 'm wondering if it was such a good idea . I cannot even back up the car right now . The parking lot is grid locked . Plus , the car that 's sitting behind me has not begun to move . I don 't know what I 'm going to do … I have a full day schedule ahead of me tomorrow . We have to be at the venue at 8am . Sometimes . Brock and I don 't think practically when it comes to fun stuff and cool life experiences . Maybe I could sleep in the car . I can literally sleep on the roof if I needed to . I have the " gift of the road " ( meaning that I can sleep anywhere ) . It was an exciting race though . I enjoy watching any kind of races live , but dirt bikes are my favorite ! We did it ! We went to all four Disney parks in one day . We were exhausted last night , but we were able to ride every single ride that we wanted to except for Pirates of the Carribean . It 's closed because they are refurbishing . First , we went to the Magic Kingdom because I knew we wanted to get to that park . We went to Space Mountain which had no wait ! That 's never happened to me in my Disney World experience . We also went to Buzz Light Year , Peter Pan , It 's a Small World , Mad Tea Cups , and the Haunted House . Brock could barely fit in the tea cups due to his long legs . Then , we got tired of spinning , so we just stopped . If you 've never had the priveledge of riding the tea cups , there is a wheel in the center that you spin yourself causing your entire " tea cup " to whirl around . Brock looked at the little girls in the next tea cup and said , " Mine isn 't spinning , I don 't know what to do ! " They tried to explain how to do it , but Brock just acted as if he was confused . After the ride was over , one of the little girls ran right up to her mom and said , " Mommy , the big guy didn 't know how to spin the wheel ! " It was hilarious . We finished our last ride in the Magic Kingdom at around 2 : 30 . Then , we took a bus to the Animal Kingdom . We rode the twisty ride in Dinoland , the new one " Everest Expedition , " and the safari . We left at about the time it closed around 5pm . Next , we were off to MGM . We got there right at 5 when the stunt show began . It was perfect timing . Then , we rode the Tower of Terror and the Rock n ' Roller Coaster . The beginning of that ride was an adrenaline rush to say the least . We barely got out of there before it closed at 7pm . Epcot was last . We went to Mission : Space and the test drive dummy ride . By that time , we were hardly able to stand . We went to a sushi restaurant at the Swan Resort and rested our tired feet . We walked for almost 12 hours ! It was worth it though . . . what a great day ! On the drive to Florida , we were talking about how much we wanted to go to Disney World but how expensive the tickets are . One of the girls said that she didn 't know if she could afford it . We didn 't want to go without her . So , Brock began calling some people to see if anyone could get discounted tickets . He called several people with no luck . A couple of people even said that it was nearly impossible to get Disney tickets . One of our friends said that he had met someone once who told him that he could get tickets . However , when our friend called the guy 's office , the secretary said that he would be out of the country until April . Therefore , we didn 't get our hopes up . We decided that maybe we would just get tickets to the magic kingdom and we 'd all chip in for the other girl 's ticket . Still , the tickets were rather steep . Last night , our friend called us and said that there would be tickets for us waiting at the guest relations at the park . They are hopper passes ( meaning we can go to all of the Disney parks ) and free ! We are all so excited ! I 'll blog about our experience on Friday . I just love Florida . It puts me in a good mood as soon as I land on the plane there or cross the state line in a vehicle . Something about Florida lightens me . Also , I grew up there , so it 's still home . Maybe that 's why it makes me feel lighter and more free . . . because when I lived here , I was a child with very few cares in the world . Brock loves Florida too because he loves the beach and the sun . Therefore , anytime we have a show there , we go early or stay late in order to spend some time there . In this case , we 're doing both . We are going there early with Stephanie and one of her friends . Her grandparents live in Cocoa Beach . Some of our friends own a house only 10 miles away from Stephy 's grandparents ' house , so we are staying at their place . We plan to go to Disney World one day ( to which Brock has never been ) and lay around at the beach . Then , we have shows in Orlando this weekend . After that , we plan to stay and hang out with my family in Lakeland . That 's where my grandma and my aunts and uncles live . My parents are flying in that week to visit as well . It 's going to be great ! It was tough this weekend because we had to deal with union workers at the venue . I 'm sure that union stuff started out as a noble cause , but it 's become ridiculous . We couldn 't put our props on the stage . . . they had to do it . During our lunch break , we weren 't allowed to bring in food . However , we were working thru lunch , so someone had already picked up our lunch and brought it to the venue . We had to sneak the food in the building by way of a road case and go into a separate room to eat . The show was great though . The crowd was energetic . It was held in the same arena that we were in on the Winter Jam tour a couple of years ago . The floor was ice ( for hockey ) with thin , plastic pieces covering it . It was slick and cold ! Sorry that I left you hanging . We were in St . Louis all weekend with no internet access . The story Brock told at the luncheon was this : A few years ago , Brock and I were sitting on the beach in Pensacola , FL at around dusk . We watched as a couple of twenty something aged people went into the water with their clothes on . They were splashing around and stuff . Then , a guy walked in front of us and looked at the couple in the water and then looked at us . The guy in the ocean was waving his hands at the guy walking by . Brock thought they knew him , but I heard them screaming " Help ! " The guy only paused to look and then kept on walking . Brock , on the other hand , went into the water . The couple didn 't look like they were in trouble . They were just standing there in the water . However , we both figured that maybe they were drunk and having trouble getting to shore . When Brock reached them in the water , the girl was already in stage 2 of drowning meaning she was bobbing up and down . So , Brock picked her up and the guy hung onto his arm . Brock was still confused as to why they were having so much difficulty until he turned around to go to the shore . They were caught in the worst riptide that I 've ever heard of . He said the whole 5 foot wall of water was pushing them out to sea . Brock looks at me on the shore and says very seriously , " Go get help . " My adrenaline shot thru the roof ! I still didn 't know what was going on except that something was going very wrong . I ran up the first steps that I could find screaming for help . There was a bar at the pool area at the top of the stairs . All of the men sitting at the bar started pulling off their watches and following me . By the time we got to Brock and the couple , they were just approaching the shore . Once they got onto the sand , they all fell down exhausted . In fact , Brock was so worn out that he went to sleep that night at 8 : 30 and slept all night long . That evening , Brock saved two people 's lives . The couple said that they were so close to drowning . At this point , Brock looked at the cPosted by Brock spoke at a luncheon today in Prattville , AL in order to promote the Freedom Experience that we are doing there in November . It consisted of mostly business people on their lunch break . When it came to Brock 's turn to speak , I wondered what these business people thought of him . He was definately the most casual dressed person in the room . Plus , he looks more like a rockstar . However , I think that he won over the entire crowd by the end . First , he pointed out the statistics of drug and alcohol use among students : Grade / percentage of alcohol use / percentage of drug use6 / 23 . 7 / 8 . 97 / 37 . 0 / 15 . 08 / 47 . 3 / 20 . 99 / 54 . 2 / 25 . 510 / 58 . 5 / 27 . 911 / 61 . 4 / 29 . 812 / 65 . 2 / 31 . 8These stats speak for themselves . I was surprised at the percentage of 6th graders that drink and use drugs . Also , the jump between 6th and 7th grade is rather disturbing . We need to catch these students early . Then , he explained that things have changed even since we were in high school . He said that we went from a microwave generation to a myspace generation ( if you don 't know what myspace is , you are probably under age 25 ) . He also said that every student is A . D . D . ( we probably made them that way by creating high speed internet and such ) . Brock continued that our message is the same , but our methods must be different in order to reach this generation . He then shared a story that happened to us a few years ago . I 'll post that story tomorrow . . . We performed at Mark Hall 's church ( the lead singer of Casting Crowns ) . They were really nice . Plus , some people came over from our office and from the radio station in Birmingham . Kristin , who traveled with us last summer came to the show as well . It was fun to hang out with everyone . Maybe it was because I was having fun with the radio people and the Casting Crowns people , but I had a hard time getting into tonight 's show . At one point , I just began praying that the Lord would break me for these students . Whenever I did this drama / illusion called the puppetmaster , I really acted like I was one of those girls in the audience . . . I felt her pain and confusion ( it 's a drama where Satan pulls my " strings " and I try all kinds of negative things including drugs and ultimately end up disappearing in the end ) . At the end of the act , something in my heart had changed . I realized that I was weeping . The Lord totally broke me for the audience . It was a special moment for me , because I know that it was all His doing . I don 't just want to experience life ; I want to drink it in . I am very adventurous but not a daredevil . I love the Lord . He is my everything . |
Posted on June 11 , 2017 by Learn and Teach Foundation Reply Umbulwane is a small farm near Ladysmith in Natal . Until 1980 Joseph Mkwanazi lived there with his family . They were a poor family . Joseph didn 't own any land . But the rent was low . They kept some cows and chickens . And Joseph had a job in Ladysmith . The farm was not far from town . So Joseph walked to work everyday . Life was hard . But the family lived peacefully - until June 1980 . In that month white men in trucks arrived at Umbulwane . They painted numbers on the doors of all the houses . Then they left . The people of Umbulwane were worried . They knew the numbers were trouble . And they were right . Five months later the white men came back . They came with six vans full of police and guns . And they also came with a bulldozer - the machine that people call " Magwaza " . " They did not give us a word of warning , " says Mr Mkwanazi . " My wife was outside collecting fire wood . Our three year old baby was inside . They took her outside and she ran away . " I came home and found my house broken down . All my tools were broken . They left me with only one room . Then they came back later to break down everything . " The people from Umbulwane and Steencoalspruit are ' - not the only people who have suffered . Since 1963 , the government has pushed over 323 thousand people off the land . They said the people were living in " black spots " - and so they sent them off to the homelands . When the people did not want to move , they sent bulldozers and police . Now they want to move even more people . Today over 100 thousand people are still living in " black spots " in the Ladysmith area . Their families have lived for over 100 years at places like Matiwaneskop , Driefontein , Ndonyane , Jononoskop , Umbulwane , Balderskraal and Steen coalspruit . But they will not move easily . In March 1984 the leaders from all these areas had a meeting . They got together to talk about ways to fight back . They decided to start a new organi zation . In the organization the people will fight together to stay on their land . For the first time people from all the " black spots " In the Ladysmith area are standing together in their struggle . " First everyone must stand together , " said one person . " The landowners and the tenants must stand together . The government likes landowners and tenants to fight each other . This is the government 's biggest weapon when they move people . " All the black spots must join the organization to fight for their land , " said another person . " It is easy for the government to move people one by one . But if we stand together they will be in for a surprise . " " The government has got a big whip , " says Chief Zikalala . He is the leader of the people from Driefontein . " But before they beat us they must hit hard . We will fight with all our strength . Our people will die before they move . " Posted on June 11 , 2017 by Learn and Teach Foundation Reply For a long time , people in South Africa have waited for rain . The land is dry and cracked . People cannot grow anything . And their animals are dying a slow , painful death . Many people lost their houses . Roads and bridges were broken . The people lost nearly everything before the rain . But after the rain , they had nothing left . Philemon has not heard from his family . He is very worried . He waits and waits . The days pass slowly and painfully . He told us his story : " l was born in the village of Bhamganoma near Mkuze . It is a country place and the land is good . We keep animals . We plough along the Mkuze river . We grow mealies , corn , small beans and mbumba . The river is fu II of fish and good for swimming . A few years ago I fell in love . wanted to marry Elizabeth . I needed R 120 for lobola . So I worked in a bakery in Mkuze for R40 a month . I paid the lobola after a few months . " I lived in Bharnqanorna with my wife Elizabeth Ntombithini and our children . Their names are Bhekuyise , Tholakele , Ndukuzakhe . My grandmother , my mother and my sisters also live there . And so do my two brothers , Joseph and Elias . But then Elias lost his job . The family had a meeting . " Elias has worked hard for a long time in the city , " they said . " It is time for him to come home and be with us again . " Now it was my turn to get a job in the city . I had to leave my new wife . I felt strange . I was frightened and also excited . And for the first time in my life , I felt lonely . The time went as fast as a Putco bus . Too soon it was the day for me to leave . My wife and children came to say goodbye . They were happy because I was going to fetch money . They smiled and waved . That was the last time I saw them . I came to Durban and got a place in the Kwa - Mashu hostel . My brother Joseph and other friends were there . I got a job at the animal hospital . That 's a place that looks after sick animals . They paid me R 100 a month . I sent R40 a month home . I felt happy and proud . My job was to clean the offices for the whites . I also made them tea and fed the animals . I missed my family . And I didn 't like sharing a small room with four other men . But I was not unhappy . Sometimes we went and watched soccer on Saturdays . Slowly I was learning the ways of the city . Sometimes people from our village came to the hostel . They brought the news . When people went home , I gave them money for the family . We do not use letters . We cannot write . One night in January this year my whole life changed . I was sitting in the room at the hostel . All five of us were there . We were talking and cooking . The radio was playing . I was fixing my shoes . Suddenly I heard over the radio the name of our village - Bhamganoma . My hands stopped working . Everybody stopped talking . The voice from the radio said a storm hit our village . The voice said people died in our village . I could not speak . My body was hot , then cold . Then I knew I must go home . I went to work the next morning . I went to see my boss . We call him " Zibukwane " . This means " Spectacles " in English . I told him what happened at Bhamganoma . I told him I was scared that my family was dead . " Spectacles " got angry when he heard my troubles . Maybe he could not understand because my English is not so good . " It 's nothing to do with us , " he said . " I don 't really care . If you want to leave , then leave . But don 't come back . " Then Spectacles paid me R30 and told me to go away . I asked for my blue card . I did not get it . I asked for my notice pay . I did not get it . I stood there looking at Spectacles . He looks after animals . But he doesn 't want to look after people . Maybe he only likes animals . Then I walked away from him . We hired a car with the R30 . We took messages and money from many people . We travelled north to Bhamganoma . The roads were full of dirt and stones . Sometimes we had to move broken trees out of the road . When we got to the Umfolozi river , we stopped and looked . The bridge over the river was broken . We just sat there in the car . We looked at the broken bridge . And we watched the brown , muddy water of the Umfolozi . For the first time , I wished I knew how to read and write . I wanted to send a letter home . And I wished someone at home could write to me . My troubles made me feel sick . I walked to the city . I did not know what to do . I just started talking to strangers . Then I spoke to a middle aged woman . I told her how I got fired . And I told her about my problems at home . I went to this place . It is called the African Workers Association . They took me to a lawyer . The lawyer listened to my story and sent a letter to the animal hospital . So now I wait to hear from the lawyer . But I do not know . At night I dream of angels and brown water . Maybe the angels are my children . As soon as I have enough money , I will go home . I haven 't seen my wife for two years . I must know If she is alive or dead . I want to go home . " I have a problem . I am working for a building contractor . I work with sand blasting and painting . I have been doing this work for ten years and I am a foreman . But I don 't have any certificates from my work . Thanks for the letter Abraham . The Depart ment of Manpower says it might give you a trade certificate . To get this you must show that you worked as a painter for at least five years . So your employer must give you a letter . The letter must say how long you have worked as a painter . The Department of Manpower says sand blasting is not a trade . So you cannot get any trade papers for sand blasting . You can go and see the Department of Manpower . Their address is Department of Manpower , 156 President Street , Johannes burg . Phone . ( 011 ) 29 - 2332 . If you want to study further you can contact the Education Information Centre . They will give you more information . Their address is : 6th Floor Dunwell House , 35 Jorissen Street , Braamfontein , 2001 . Phone : ( 011 ) 339 - 2476 Good Luck . - editor Thank you for the story on the New Tax Law . Learn and Teach has made light for many workers . Taxation is heavy on the black nation . I did not know that the government gets so much money every year from the sweat of black workers . I want Learn and Teach every month so I can follow the nation 's background and history . I saw your magazine from a person who was sitting next to me on the bus . I looked through it . I found it very interesting . So could you send me more information about Learn and Teach . Thanks for the letter . We are glad you like the magazine . Learn and Teach magazine comes out eight times a year . If you send us R4 . 00 we will send you the next eight issues of the magazine . It is best to send a postal order . Our address is in the front of the magazine . - editor Please can you help me . I have a problem . I cannot understand English well . I started standard eight but did not finish it . Please tell me what book to buy so that I can learn more English . Thanks for the letter . A place called SACHED has a book to help people read English . The book is called " Readwell " . The book costs R5 . 00 . You can send a postal order for R5 . 00 to SACHED . Then they will send you the book . Their address is : SACHED , P . O . Box 11350 , Johannesburg , South Africa , 2000 . - editor I really enjoy reading the magazine . The magazine has really improved my English . I and I will survive if I and I can be taught by an African teacher . Jah bless the readers of Learn and Teach . Please don 't be surprised to get a letter from me . We need your help . We are very worried about our sister who is in Johannesburg . We have not heard from her for a long time . Her name is Nomangesi Ndlwana or Vuma . How can we find her ? Sorry to hear about your worries , Siphiwo . We hope that our readers will see your letter . Maybe somebody will know your sister . We hope that they will write to you about your sister . Or maybe they will tell her to contact you . We hope this can help you . - editor I want to ask about the law in Namibia . Black people suffer here in Namibia . Everyday the law catches many black people and puts them in jail . White people from outside Namibia can come to visit the country . The law does not catch them - only black people . It is a waste . Please do me a favour . I want you to write the full story about Chief Albert Luthuli . The story about Chief Luthuli in Learn and Teach number 9 was not complete . Thanks for your letter and sorry the story on Mrs Luthuli was so short . The problem is we don 't have so much space in our little magazine . So we can 't make the stories very long . But we will write more about our black leaders - like the story on Toivo ja Toivo in this edition . - editor For a long time I have seen the life of black people is heavy . Now I ask you what must we do to get a better life ? How do we get more money for our work ? Thank you for writing . It 's true - life is really heavy . You did not say what your job is . But one way to make work better and to get more money is to join a union . Write to us again . Tell us what work you do . Then we will give you the name of a union to join . Unions make the workers strong . They help to get more pay . Good luck . - editor I like your magazine very much . It 's not so easy to say why I like it so much . All I can say is that it gives us what we desire . It leads us to greener pastures . It is Learn and Teach that gives us true stories . We are clear about the new tax law now . We know what is happening instead of filling in forms that we don 't understand . I wish you feet to visit far and near . I wish you a mouth to tell about things loudly . You are so cheap but are worth more than a car . Sloppy makes things even more loveable . Posted on April 30 , 2015 by Learn and Teach Foundation Reply On a cold winter evening nine years ago , the people of Jabulani in Soweto heard a loud bang . " I wonder what that was ? " somebody maybe asked . " Sounds like a gun , " somebody maybe answered . And then a few seconds later , the people forgot all about it . On that cold evening , Friday Mavuso began his long , brave fight . He fought for his health . He fought for his good name . And above all , he fought for the other crippled people of this world . Friday Mavuso told us his story . He laughed a lot . And sometimes he looked a little sad . But he kept his head straight and high - all the time . " I will start the story a few days before I was shot , " says Friday . " It was a Tuesday and I was on my way home from work . I then met a taxi driver friend of mine . His car was stuck . He said the battery was flat . " I took him home with me and lent him my battery . He promised to bring back the battery the next day . But he didn 't . When I came home from work on the Thursday , I still did not find my battery . I was now very angry . " I decided to wait outside my house for my friend . You see , I live on a main road and all the taxis pass my house . I waited and waited . My friend did not come . " Then I saw his girlfriend . Her name was Lucy . She told me that my friend was coming to fetch her at a shebeen later on . ' Come with me : she said . ' We 'll go to the shebeen and wait together . " Friday Mavuso did not go to shebeens often . He was not a big " phuza " , but soon he was having good time . The beer was smooth and warm on that cold evening . The people in the shebeen were very friendly . They all knew Friday Mavuso . He was a good sportsman . He kept goal for the Mbanya Swallows . And when he was not keeping goal , you could find him at a boxing or a karate club . " I sat with Lucy and another woman : ' says Friday . " Next thing , Lucy and the other woman had an argument . Then Lucy threw her beer at the woman . But she got me instead . My shirt was wet with beer . " I took Lucy and her friend to the kitchen . I wanted to make peace . Just then this other guy came into the kitchen . Before Lucy threw the beer , he was sitting with five other guys in the sitting room . I only knew one of them . He was a mechanic by the name of Tuli . " So this guy came into the kitchen . He said the beer also wet his shirt . But he was talking nonsense . The beer did not wet his shirt . I tried to speak to him . But he did not listen . Then he threw a punch at me . I ducked and he missed . He tried again - and missed once more . " Now it was my turn . I threw three quick punches - a left , a right and a left again . That guy didn 't even see my punches . It was lights out for him . " Then his friends joined the fight maybe because they felt an injury to one is an injury to all . They all rushed at me together . I fought back - and they dropped like flies . " Now I decided to leave in a hurry . But some of the guys followed me . Just outside the gate one of the guys tripped me . I lost a shoe - but I didn 't stop . I ran down the road as fast as I could . " I ran past a big white rock on the pavement . I decided to have a rest . So I sat on the rock . I looked down at my feet . ' I must go back and find my shoe : I said to myself . And that was my big mistake . I should not have gone back for the shoe . That shoe cost me my legs . All for one stupid , damn shoe ! " I went back to the shebeen . But it was dark now . So I found a piece of newspaper and lit it ; Then I heard this loud bang . And I felt this terrible pain in my back - just like a snakebite . " I lay there on my stomach . I felt sick and weak . And then I saw all these legs standing around me . And then they started to kick me all over . I had a bullet in my back . But that wasn 't enough . They broke two of my ribs as well . " I lifted my head . And I looked into the mouth of a gun . I knew the gun . It was a . 38 special - just like the cops use . And then I knew the cops had shot me . " I jumped up like a hurt animal . Then this big foot pushed my head down to the ground . And then I heard one of them shout , ' Sebonego , Sebonego finish this dog . ' " So this cop pulled out his gun again and pointed it at me . ' That 's it ! I 'm finished now : I remember saying to myself . " I lay there waiting . And then I knew I had one small chance left ; And I took that chance . I fell on my back and rolled my head - just like I was dead . " I lay there . I didn 't say a word . I was scared to breathe . People came and went . I lay there for a long , long time . " I was shot at about seven in the evening . And the ambulance only came at one in the morning . I lay on that dusty pavement for six hours with a bullet in my back . " Can you believe it ? The ambulance did not go straight to the hospital , " says Friday with a big laugh . " They first went to fetch a pregnant woman who was heavy with a child . " And so there was . In the ambulance with a pregnant woman and a policeman . Then the woman started screaming . Her baby was coming . The policeman also started to scream . I laughed at him . ' What are you scared of ? ' , I asked him . He looked at me in anger . He didn 't say anything . " I woke up in hospital the next morning . And the first thing I saw was three policemen . They were guarding me - like I was a dangerous criminal . But I wasn 't going anywhere . I couldn 't walk . " Then the police charged me . They said I was a thief . They said I robbed a man - that mechanic guy who was sitting in the shebeen that night . They said I was carrying a knife . Can you believe it ? Me carrying a knife ? I have never carried a knife in my life . I didn 't need to . I knew about boxing and I knew about karate . I knew how to look after myself . " The police asked me to make a statement . I told them I must first see a lawyer . ' You are a cheeky bastard : they said to me . I did not care . I went back to sleep . " My family got a lawyer for me . I told the lawyer the full story . The lawyer said the magistrate was coming to the hospital . I shook my head . ' No ways : I said . ' I want a real case in a real court . I don 't want a cover up . ' I did not trust the police . When they frame you , it sticks . " I did not change my mind . And so they took me to a real court in my wheelchair . But they took no chances . They took me In an ambulance with another ambulance and two police cars following behind . " . " The magistrate found me not guilty . The mechanic Tuli said I was not the guy who robbed him . And the cops got their story mixed up . One cop said one thing . And the other cop said another thing . " And so my name was clean again . I was not a thief . I did not go around stealing watches and jackets . I did not walk around with a knife in my pocket . " Then I went back to the hospital . I stayed there for four years . I suffered a lot . But my wife Brenda and my two children Sibusiso and Nonhlanhla suffered even more . Nonhlanhla was born a week after I was shot . Brenda worked hard to feed the children . She stood by me all the way . " While I was In hospital , I thought about two things . Firstly , I wanted the police to pay for what they did . And secondly , I thought about the people who were suffering with me in hospital . " I saw these people leave hospital . And I saw them come back to hospital . You know , these people were happier in hospital . They felt bad when they went home . They came back to the hospital because they didn 't want to worry their families . " I found a lawyer to help me with my case against the police . But four years passed and nothing happened . When my bank book was finished , the lawyer said I must drop the case . " I was angry - really angry . That lawyer took my money and said goodbye . Then I heard about this organization that helps people with the law . It 's called the Legal Aid Bureau . I wrote to them and they got me another lawyer . We carried on with the case against the police . " In the meantime , I was thinking of ways to help the crippled people with me in the hospital . When the nurses had a film show to make money , I said I also wanted a film show . The hospital people got angry with me . But I never gave up . I made a few rands whenever I could . It all helped . " Nine years later , Friday Mavuso won his case against the police . They paid him 74 thousand rand . He bought a house and a special van for himself - a van that crippled people can drive . He put the rest of the money away for his children 's education . " I want them to be lawyers so they can help people , " says Friday with a proud smile . And today Friday is president of an organization that helps crippled and disabled people . " The organization is called SHAP , " says Friday . " SHAP stands for Self Help Association for Paraplegics . We believe in helping ourselves . We have come together to work together . We are disabled but we are still able . " You can now find Friday Mavuso in the big new SHAP building in Mofolo Park . His dream to help crippled and disabled people has come true . They now have a building of their own . At this building disabled people can learn useful jobs and they can play all kinds of sport . But on Wednesday 29 February this year , the place came alive . The streets were full of people . They danced on the street corners . Every one sang , laughed and hugged each other . Police in soldier uniforms stood on the side of the roads . But this did not stop the excitement . Cries of " Toivo , Toivo " and " Swapo will win " , filled the air . And the bright red , green and blue colours of Swapo were everywhere . A sixty year old man with no hair , a grey beard and shining eyes was coming home . He was home again after 16 years in a far away place called Robben Island . His name Toivo Herman ja Toivo , the founder of SWAPO and the father of the Namibian people 's struggle for freedom . Toivo 's story really begins In 1958 . I n that year he was working in a grocery shop in Cape Town . Like most men from Namibia , he was a contract worker . He was trying to make a living for his family who lived in Ovamboland , the rural area of northern Namibia . In Cape Town Toivo got interested in politics . He met people from the ANC and the Communist Party organizations that were fighting to change things in South Africa . And he met other contract workers from Namibia - men like Andreas Shipanga , Emil Appalus , Solomon Mifima and Jacob Kuhangua . When they met , they spoke about strangers ruling their people . They spoke about the Germans who first came to their country . The German rulers were very cruel . They took the people 's land and forced the men to work on white farms and mines . Then after the First World War , the South Africans took over the country . For a while the Namibian people were happy . The cruel Germans were gone . But the people of Namibia were not happy for long . Toivo and his friends spoke about the new rulers from South Africa . They said the new rulers were just as bad as the Germans . Toivo and his friends remembered how people before them fought against the Germans and the South Africans . In 1893 and 1904 the Herero people from the south of Namibia took up arms . The Herero 's wanted to chase out the German strangers and get back their stolen land . Maherero the chief of the Herero people asked other people in Namibia to join in the fight . " Let us die fighting , " he said to the people of Namibia . Toivo spoke about how these people were crushed by the German armies . The Germans wanted to kill all the Herero people . After the war only eight thousand out of 80 thousand Herero people were still alive . Then In 1922 the Bondelswart people fought against the new South African rulers . The South Africans had already taken the land of these people . So the Bondelswarts lived by keeping a few cattle and hunting for food . But the South African farmers did not like this . They wanted the Bondelswarts to work on white farms nearby . So they forced the Bondelswart people to pay a heavy tax . The people refused and also took up arms . Toivo and his friends also spoke about contract labour in Namibia . They spoke about how they were forced to find jobs in Namibia . They could not choose the jobs they wanted . The people at the labour office checked workers to see how fit they were - just like cattle . Then they chose a job for them to do . Contract workers could not choose their jobs . They could not talk about their wages . And they could not leave the job before their contract was over . If workers were cheeky or if they broke their contract , they were beaten and jailed by the police . In 1948 two thousand mineworkers went on strike . And In 1952 and 1953 , thousands of workers at fish factories stopped work . They wanted an end to the contracts . The country IS full of good farm land . The sea is full of fish . And diamonds , copper and coal lie under the soil . Toivo said that the whites were using contracts to force the people to work on farms and mines for very low wages . The rulers were using the labour of the people to rob the country . So one day in 1957 , Toivo and his friends got together again in the barbershop in Cape Town . They decided to start a new organization . They wanted to end the contracts and fight for the rights of the Namibian people . One of the new leaders inside Namibia was a young railway worker called Sam Nujoma - the leader of Swapo today . He went around to the workers compounds . He told workers to join the OPO . " We must work together , " he said . " You , me , all of us - we must fight for our freedom together . " When the police heard about this , they arrested Toivo . They sent him back to Ovamboland . But Toivo did not stop working for his people . He held many meetings and asked people to join the OPO . Toivo knew that the Ovambo people were not the only people fighting for freedom in Namibia . So he and the other OPO leaders had talks with the leaders of the Herero and other groups of people in Namibia - like the Nama . They remembered the early struggles of these people . The OPO knew that it must fight for the freedom of all the people of Namibia . Then one night something happened that made the OPO leaders want · their freedom more than ever . In Windhoek most people lived in the ' Old Location ' where they owned land . The government wanted to move these people to a dry and dusty location called Katatura . Toivo and the OPO leaders were angry and bitter . They began to think about their struggle . In April 1960 the OPO changed its name . The new name was SWAPO - the South West African People 's Organization . And the new organization decided to use guns to free their country . They wanted the people of Namibia to rule their own country . So like the Herero before them SWAPO decided to take up arms . Thousands of young men left their homes to join the S ' WAPO soldiers . They went into the bush to learn how to fight . " 1 did not agree that people should go . into the bush , " said Toivo in a court a few years later . " But I could not refuse to help them when I knew they were hungry . I was not , and I could not remain a spectator in the struggle of my people for their freedom . " In 1966 SWAPO attacked an army camp in the north of Namibia . The South African government was very angry . Toivo and other SWAPO leaders were arrested . Many SWAPO soldiers were also arrested . They were all put in jail . But this did not end the struggle . While Toivo sat in jail SWAPO was still alive . Sam Nujoma became the new leader . And one thousand miles from Robben lsland SWAPO soldiers still fought for freedom in Namibia . Workers also kept up the fight against their contracts . In 1972 nearly 20 thousand workers went on strike for three months . The workers wanted an end to all their contracts . For 16 years Robben Island was Toivo 's home . And in all this time SWAPO got stronger . So when Toivo came home he knew he could say - " The struggle goes on . " Posted on April 30 , 2015 by Learn and Teach Foundation Reply One night 23 years ago , the black musicians of Johannesburg had a big party . They all met at Dorkay House in Eloff Street to say good bye to the members of King Kong - the famous stage show about life in Sophiatown . King Kong was going to London . The night was long and wild . Ntemi Piliso was the leader of the band . And the famous Sol Klaaste was also there - playing the piano like never before . Everyone sang , drank and danced until the sun came up . In the morning the whole party drove to the airport . They all sang Nkosi Sikelela and waved good - bye to the members of King Kong . King Kong was off to London in an aeroplane full of babalas and sore heads . Some of the men and women from King Kong never came home . When the show in London ended many of them stayed overseas . They wanted to study music or to make records . One of these people was a young man called Jonas Gwangwa - the trombone player in the King Kong show . After the show he went to America . He studied at famous music schools in New York . He played jazz with big time American jazz men . He made many records and lots of money . Jonas Gwangwa became famous - a homeboy who made good . He lived in America for 15 years . And those years were not wasted . He met a lot of people , he played a lot of music and he learned a lot . Jonas was doing well - but he was not really happy . But Jonas couldn 't come home . He couldn 't come home because of his politics . He spent a lot of time in America fighting apartheid . He knew the government in South Africa was not his best friend . So he did the next best thing . He flew to Gaborone in Botswana to be close by . And that 's where he lives and works today - still making the music that people love so much . " Life in the U . S . A , was good , " says Jonas . " I played trombone with some of the best jazz musicians in the world . I also made a lot of music with South Africans like Hugh Masekela and Miriam Makeba . " One time I made a record with Miriam and Harry Belafonte - the great American blues singer . Most of the songs were in Zulu . So I had to teach Harry the words . " It was great " , says Jonas . " Every time I went to Harry 's place he was sleeping . But I didn 't mind . He was paying me 15 dollars an hour . So I let him sleep . But soon he learnt some Zulu and we made the record . I learned a lot from that man . " He remembered his days at Madibane High . He thought of his family and hard times . Jonas ' father was not so rich - like most black people in Sophiatown . The family could only pay for his sister to go to music lessons . So Jonas had to wait for a long time before he could play the music that was in his blood . " I grabbed the first chance I got , " says Jonas . " From Madibane I went to St . Peters College in Rosettenville . Father Huddleston was the priest there . He got some old instruments and told us to play . " I went to the first meeting . wanted to play the clarinet . But I didn 't know the name of the damn thing . So I asked for the first instrument I could think of - a trombone ! I was shocked to see how big it was . But I was too shy to say anything . So that 's how I came to play the trombone . " The boys at St . Peters started their own band and . called it the " Huddleston Jazz Band " . That 's where Jonas met people like Gwigwi Mrebi and Hugh Masekela - also great South African musicians . Then Jonas joined the famous ' Union of South African Artists . This was a group of musicians who met on the top floor of Dorkay House in Eloff Street . Some of our best musicians played music there - people like Miriam Makeba , Hugh Masekela , Sol Klaaste , Kippie Moeketsi and Dollar Brand . And Jonas never forgot the band called the Jazz Epistles . He played in this band with men like Kippie Moeketsi and Dollar Brand . He also remembered playing in big bands like the Jazz Maniacs . And Jonas remembered the last night in Johannesburg when Ntemi Piliso played all night and everyone got sore heads . Jonas also believes that people can 't make music out of thin air . " Music comes from the history of people and from the places they live in , " says Jonas . He believes music comes from the way people suffer and from the way they fight to stay alive . And in the U . S . A . Jonas was six thousand miles away from his people - the people that helped him make his music . So he had no choice . He had to be nearer home . Today Jonas still makes music . He plays . with a young group of musicians in Gaborone . They call their band Shakawe - the name of a small village in the north of Botswana . He also works with a group called " Amandla " - musicians from South Africa who sing about their fight for freedom . And one day Jonas Gwangwa hopes to come home to meet everyone else . Until then he waits with his best friend - the trombone . And until then , he will carry on making music about his people and for his people . |
This site is dedicated to logging my life , thoughts , likes and dislikes . Be sure to check out my other sites , which are located in my sidebars with the latest content . I look forward to seeing what you have to say in the comments . I hope that this site will be an encouragement , a wealth of information and a comfort to those who read it . Thank you for coming by and be sure to leave a comment . Tweet DreamsVIDEO : Inspired to Greatness ! Watch ThisWhat Does Your Internal Music Sound Like ? Blogs Listed by Myers - Briggs TypologyIf What You See is What You Get - What do You See ? Getting More By Wanting LessIf You Don 't Stand For Something . . . ( Part 2 ) If You Don 't Stand For Something . . . ( Part 1 ) Myanmar Cyclone - Worst Disaster Since Indonesian TsunamiFlickr Widget Code I Will Rest In YouIt has been a long time since I was able to post here and recently was encouraged to start posting again . I will start by posting a video for those who are battle weary from the spiritual onslaught going on during these last days . Be encouraged , replenished , and comforted … you are not alone . The Word as an Onion Too many merely accept the Word on the surface . They pick and choose this verse or that and build their doctrine out of it . One instance for example is that in regard to adultery . God 's Word says that you should not commit adultery ; wherefore , those who have not slept with someone outside of their [ … ] 40 Days of Challenge - Day 6 Positive Practices and the Danger Zone40 Days of Challenge Day 6 Positive Practices and the Danger Zone Positive Practices Philippians 2 : 14 ( KJV ) " Do all things without murmurings ( grumbling ) and disputings " Have you ever found yourself making an effort to go out of your way for someone only to find that they respond without [ … ] 40 Days of Challenge - Day 5 Dare to be Different40 Days of Challenge Day 5 Dare to be Different The Post - It Challenge Jeremiah 29 : 11 ( KJV ) " For I know the thoughts that I think toward you , saith the Lord , thoughts of peace , and not of evil ( calamity ) , to give you an expected end ( a future and a hope ) . " Isaiah 55 : 11 - 12 ( KJV ) " So shall My [ … ] 40 Days of Challenge - Day 4 Self Control and Thoughtfulness40 Days of Challenge Day 4 Self Control and Thoughtfulness Self Control James 1 : 19 - 20 ( KJV ) " Wherefore , my beloved brethren , let every man be swift to hear , slow to speak , slow to wrath : For the wrath of man worketh not ( does not produce ) the righteousness of God . " Many times in our human relationships , we find [ … ] So , now I was at my dad 's house and my step mom was there with the youngest of my 3 stepsisters . Though she was the youngest , she was still older than I was . Now , let me begin this part of the story with letting you know that my step mom is a bit over dramatic and a queen of pity parties ; this being to the point that my stepsister felt the need to warn me before entering the house so I would know what to expect . Over the next few days , I would be subjected to listening to the ' death story ' repeatedly , more times than I could count . At one point , I just had to go outside to get away from it for a while . My stepsister joined me and tried to comfort me , understanding that her mother was being ridiculous , even for the situation . I cannot convey an accurate view of how she was going on about it all , but it just wasn 't normal . I even had other family members take me aside at times to ask me why she was being so outlandish ; it really was embarrassing to everyone . At one point , the family ( extended family included ) was having dinner at a restaurant and she just flipped . Someone asked her how she was holding up and she verbally bashed them in front of the entire restaurant . It was an elderly woman who had asked ; I think she was in her 70 's or so . Then everyone just looked at me like I was suppose to do something about it … I was 19 and hadn 't seen her since I was 8 ( she didn 't come to my grandmother 's funeral ) . It was like this day in and day out . At one point , I was taking a bath b / c for some reason they did not have a shower in the guest bathroom , and she barged in and started complaining about all sorts of things , like why were people asking her how she was holding up . Oh , did I tell you that they also did not have a shower curtain ? ? ? I felt so violated . My only comforting moments were spent with my dad 's dog , Sassy , who would come in with me during the night . Oh my , that reminds me … my sister came in my room one night at about 4 am talking all sorts of gibberish and flopped on the bed . My step mom came in because of the noise and told her to go back to bed . Apparently , she was sleep walking . Ok , so I think on the third night I was there , my step mom , sister and I all went to dinner - I don 't remember where , but when the waiter came to ask us what we wanted … all of a sudden … BAM ! ! ! ! It finally hit me ! While in the bathroom , all I could do was pray . I prayed that God would be with me through this very difficult time and that He would give me the comfort and strength to get through all of this . I was not aware at the time , just how He would do this … but He did . The next day was the viewing and this brought a whole new stress to the situation . My step mom had a death grip on me until others showed up . Once other family and friends showed up , she left me to gain support from them … the ones who would still talk to her by that point . She had nearly attacked almost everyone in my family by that point . During this time , I stayed by my dad 's casket and stared at him . I knew it wasn 't him but his body … I wondered what he might have thought when he was dieing . Did he think about me ? I placed my hand upon his and said my good - byes . I didn 't want to leave his side , but others came to me to say that I should allow others to give their respects , so I sat down in a pew about three from the front . Well , the next thing I knew , I felt a hand on my shoulder , then another one on my back . I heard the voice of a child saying to me as she caressed my hair , " Its alright , don 't be sad , he is in heaven . It 's going to be ok . " I looked up and I was surrounded by about 8 children from 3 years to around 8 years old … all trying to comfort me . This moved me so deeply that I almost couldn 't speak . All I could say is , " I know " and " Thank you " … They stayed with me . No adult ever came to me , no adult ever said a word to me that night … just the children . I knew that was God . He used the little children to comfort me . Through the mouths of babes , I tell ya . Early , we awoke and got ready . Everything seemed fine , as fine could be . Then came the limousines . As soon as we stepped out of the doorway to the house , my step mom began screaming and saying " No , no , no " while she planted her feet in the ground , forcing others to practically drag her to the car . My aunt was there by this time ( at the house ) . Once we were in the car , my step mom , my stepsisters , their kids and me … when my aunt was going to get into the car , my step mom said to her that there was no room for her . This really upset my aunt because she was more family to my dad then my step sisters and kids , plus , I think I heard later that my aunt was the one paying for it . Once we got to where the funeral service was held … we had some time , so I didn 't think I could handle being around everyone then … I went to the restroom which had a sitting room attached to it . I sat there and prayed . I didn 't know how I was going to get through this . The next thing I knew was that someone came in and said that they were about to start the services . So , I gathered my composure and went to the sanctuary . On my way down the isle a man who said that he was very pleased to finally meet me stopped me . He told me that my dad spoke of me often . This made me feel a bit better . I also found out that he didn 't know that I had another sister , which I thought was interesting ( for more history about that please click here ) . I do not remember the funeral , as far as what was said but I have a video of it , though , it not very good quality . When we were at the gravesite , I sat in the front with the other immediate family members , excluding my aunt again and her family , thanks to my step mom . The things I remember about this , was that the sun broke through the clouds … a plane flew over head and the priest kept looking at me oddly as he spoke and prayed . It was almost like he could see something … but what , I thought . My dad had to have a priest preside over the burial because the gravesite was at a Catholic cemetery . It was a family plot that my grandparents paid for long before I was even a thought . The only other part that I remember now , is my flight home . It was the first time that I was leaving L . A . without spending time with my grandmother and / or my dad . I thought how my experiences with California died with them … and I began to cry . I remember listening to a tape I had brought with me : " I 'll Be There " by the Escape Club below is the actual video for the song … Tear just flowed down my face . A flight attendant asked me if I was ok , so I told him that my dad had died . He was very attentive after that and I greatly appreciated it . Over the next years , it would hit me here and there . I just learned to let myself feel the pain so that I wouldn 't explode in the future . There are times that I wish that I could share with him . We began speaking again when I was in high school , over the phone . I had told him that I would be visiting him that summer , but I wasn 't able to . It brings back memories of almost seeing my grandmother but she died right before I was able . If you get nothing else out of this post , please don 't hesitate to spend the time that you have with your loved ones . Tell them how you feel … and trust in God to carry you through those times that you don 't think you can make it through - He won 't let you down . Thank you for reading this . I look forward to your comments . If you have the ability to listen to this video , please do as you read because it will enhance your reading experience . This was the song that I listened to throughout my grieving period and it was comforting . Today I am going to write about the death of my dad . I have previously shared some minute details HERE about my relationship with my dad but I haven 't really gone into what happened when he died . So , here we go … So , I had just moved back from North Carolina to Texas ( I will write about that in another post ) . I was living with my brother at the time , my mom was in North Carolina … Anyway , I was asleep and the phone rang . Well , my brother was at work so I answered it . My mom was on the other line . Let me back up a bit … As soon as I heard my mom 's voice sounding somber , I knew something had happened . Well , my first reaction was again as before with my grandmother 's death , was to ask who died … but this time I thought better of it not to . I always felt guilty for that moment in the past , almost as though I caused it by predicting it - even after the fact of it happening . If you are lost in this post , please read the previous ones with links listed above . She said that she had some bad news and it was about my dad . Now , because this conversation was taking way too long for my patience , I couldn 't help myself but to speed it along by asking … " Did he die ? " She said , " Yes . " So , I asked what happened , as the all too familiar numbness over took my mind and body . After she was done explaining the few details that she knew , I had to ask again because my mind had officially gone into shock . She then repeated herself by telling me that all she knew was that he died in his sleep the night before and that my step mom would be calling me . It was odd , the feelings or lack thereof that over took me . I thought to myself that I should cry , yet , no tears would come . I then thought … uh oh , when this hits me it is going to be bad . I later found that to be an accurate thought . My first objective was to book a flight . Well , after speaking with a travel agent and hearing how much it was going to cost … I wasn 't sure I would be able to fly to CA for the funeral . She told me that I could get a bereavement discount if I could provide a death certificate along with the location and details of the funeral … now I had to get all of that information and get it to them within a day . That task in its self was almost too much to deal with . She told me that he had been having headaches for about a week but refused to go to the doctor because he hated doctors . She said that during the day he died , he was unusually tired and ended up going to bed early . When she went to bed , he told her that he loved her and rolled over to go back to sleep . Well , in the night , she had to go to the restroom and while she was there she heard something sounding like him taking a really deep breath . She checked on him and he had passed away . She freaked out and called 911 . The operator told her to put him on a hard surface and perform respiration on him . Well , he was too heavy for her so she had to go get the neighbor to help her . He came over and helped her , but it was too late . So , she then helped me with getting the information that I needed to be able to fly out there . Next I had to deal with where I was going to stay … Boy , this turned out to be a lasting hassle that I was not prepared for . See , my aunt … my dad 's sister , wanted me to stay with them and my step mom wanted me to stay with her . When she finally showed up , she was with my cousin … the one I spoke about regarding my grandmother 's death . Well , when she was asking me repeatedly to stay with them , he was there giving me the look of death . He desperately did NOT want me staying with them . I proceeded to tell her that I really appreciated her offer but that I thought that my step mom needed me to stay with her and that I wanted to be where my dad 's things were . She said ok and finally dropped it to the relief of my cousin . Today , I thought that I would share with you my salvation testimony . When I was younger , from birth , my grandmother and my dad would take me to church . They were Catholic . Though they never told me how to be saved , they told me who God was and who Jesus was , etc . Once this was done , we would walk down the isle to whatever pew he wanted to sit in . At this point , he would kneel down to the side of the pew before entering … he would kneel on one knee and perform the cross maneuvers which ended with him kissing his index finger knuckle . Once this was completed , he would proceed to his desired seat . My favorite part was lighting the prayer candles . I guess I just liked candles . Well , over time , my dad left the Catholic church for true Christianity … A Christianity without praying to idols . His last experience with the Catholic church was when they began to tell the congregation that they had to kiss the statue of Mary 's feet so that she would grant their prayers . How absurd he thought . So , he left . When I was 10 , I had already become quite familiar with God and Jesus … other than the part about ' getting ' saved . For some reason , no one ever told me about that part . So , one day a Pastor came by our home and my mom let him in . He sat on the couch and proceeded to tell my mom about salvation . Well , I just got soooo excited that I didn 't want to wait . I kept interrupting him , trying to get him to let me be saved , but he kept on telling me to wait for my mom . He believed that my mom should be saved first so that she would be my elder in the Body of Christ . This was a Baptist Pastor . Gratefully , my mom accepted Christ and so did I - finally ! So , the next thing on the list was our baptism . We were baptized shortly thereafter , which I was very excited about too . I began to memorize some verses from Sunday School and some songs / hymns . I loved going to church . I would invite every one of my friends ; this seemed to impress the Pastor … I just loved church . After some time , we ended up having to move out of state … this also ended us going to church . I found out later from my mom that there was a new black family who had come to our church and the members snubbed them … well , this did not sit well with my mom , so she became somewhat jaded towards church . Then one day , to be exact … it was the day of the Oklahoma bombing … I had stayed home from school ( I was in college at the time ) and I watched it nonstop on television . I was horrified and thought it was so hard to believe . With that , I heard a pastor on television talking about the plagues in Egypt in the Bible with Moses , so I thought to myself … " I don 't know what plagues there were , in what order they happened , etc . " I thought , " How do I know if this guy is even telling the truth ? " So , I decided that I couldn 't believe or serve a God that I knew nothing about and the only way to find out what pleases Him or really ticks Him off , was to read His Word . That day was the first day that I began reading through the Bible from cover to cover . When I had finished , almost a year later , I was a completely different person . I threw out all of my old CD 's and anything that wasn 't pleasing to God . I changed my friends and my focus . It was amazing ! I had a very close friend who was like a brother to me at the time and he didn 't know what was going on with me . I knew that if I told him everything then he would think I was crazy … he couldn 't handle the truth in its entirety all upfront , so I asked God that when my friend was ready , to have him ask me questions that he was ready to hear the answers to and I would tell him . So , that is what I did . Over a period of a couple of months he would ask some questions and all I would do is answer them , as to the point as possible and then I would stop talking about it . He later said that he was shocked that I didn 't just force it down his throat like others have . Anyway , after a couple of months , he decided to accept Christ as his Lord and Savoir and he was baptized . To this day , he has been through a lot but he is still true to the Word and standing firm in his faith . My grandmother , my dad 's mother , was my best friend growing up . I loved her beyond words and I was her favorite , so her death really affected me deeply . The really sad thing was that my mom and I were going to visit her the next weekend . At the time , we lived in Arizona and my grandmother lived in California … so the drive there was about a day . Well , I was at a friend 's house getting ready to have a sleep over party ( I had just turned 13 the month before ) , when my mom called my friend 's parents . As soon as they got off the phone with her , they told me that I had to get my things because my mom was coming to pick me up . I asked why , but they wouldn 't tell me anything . So , I gathered my things and waited . During my wait , my mind imagined everything it could be … but I just couldn 't figure it out . I became upset that I wasn 't going to be able to stay with my friends . Once my mom got there , I kept asking her what was going on but she wouldn 't say anything . I asked her if I had done something wrong and she said no , but that was all she would say . Finally , when we got home … we walked into the house and my mom told me to sit down . All of a sudden , like a flood as thick as blood , shot through my entire being . I looked up at my mom and said , " Who died ? " . She just stared at me with a shocked face … Well , shock ran through my body and numbed my brain … I looked off so that I could digest all that she was about to say . I then asked , " What happened ? " . She then proceeded to tell me that my grandmother was on her way to pick up her social security check , and while crossing the street , she was hit by a car . The street was a fairly busy street and in the median , there were some bushes . The driver never saw her until it was too late . She hit the front bumper , flew up to the window , cracked her head on the metal piece that separates the windshield from the side window and continued over the car until she came down onto the street . She lay in a coma for a few hours while my dad said his good byes , then she died . My dad said that he was holding her hand and she squeezed it , but the doctors told him it was involuntary . When I saw my grandmother at her viewing , it was the first time I had ever seen a dead person up close . I knew she wasn 't in that shell - it made me feel empty . I felt lost being in California without her there . I went to her house and sat out front in her yard … she had these ½ stoop pillars that I would sit on as a young child and watch the birds . I tried to remember being with her and the conversations that we had . I knew that I wanted something to remember her by , so I took her nametag from when she would volunteer at the hospital . I still have it . My little cousin , who is 6 years younger than I , was paranoid by her body . He didn 't want to go anywhere near her . I tried to explain to him that it wasn 't her and it wouldn 't bite him , but he was 7 . So , that is more detail into that story . I will continue my history in a later post . Please subscribe to my blog so that you will not miss anything . Posted in Christian Life , death , Diary , Emotions , Family , Journal , Life , Memories , People , Personal , Random Thoughts , Reflections , Relationships , thoughts | Tagged : california , car accident , church , dad , death , Emotions , experience , Family , Friends , grandma , grandmother , Life , mom , party , sad | 6 Comments » Wow , Part I was pretty cleansing . I am not one to normally talk about myself like this , so this is an interesting experience to say the least . Now , here we go on Part II . During the summer of my 8th year , I went to visit my grandmother and my dad out in Southern California , as usual . See , the way things worked was that , my mom would put me on a plane … by myself … to see them . Well , normally , my grandmother would pick me up and we would go to visit my dad . I would always stay at my grandmother 's house at night and visit with my dad on some days . When I arrived at the airport in California , my grandmother was no where in sight . There was a stewardess who stayed with me to make sure that I was picked up by the proper person . Well , after about 30 minutes … no one came . So , she took me and another little boy who was left there , to a back area which was open to the planes . Back then , you had to walk out to the plane and then up stairs to the plane 's door . We , the boy and I , both sat there watching television while we waited . Soon , his dad came and picked him up … and I still sat there . After awhile , what seemed like an hour more , a man who worked there came to get me . He said that there was a man who said that he was there to pick me up and that I should not go to him until I know who he is . Well , as soon as I saw him , I yelled " Daddy " ! So , the airplane man said … " Well , I guess she knows you . " My dad informed me that apparently , I would be staying with them this year . Well , he had to go back to work , so he dropped me off at his house where my step mom was and said that he would see me later . My step mom put me in their back room which was usually a storage room , and still looked like one , only it had a bed in it now . She told me to unpack and she would make me something to eat . So I did . Well , some time went by and the sun was about to set , so she told me that I had to go to bed . I said that I wanted to wait so that I could see my dad , but she said no . So , she put me in the room , but what I didn 't know , was that she had locked the door behind me . I found that out in the morning when I couldn 't open the door . My step mom would keep the door locked until my dad would leave to go to work and then lock me back in before he came home . She just told him that I was sleeping . My dad and step mom had a few dogs , one of which was a germen shepherd named KC . Well , all the previous dogs , I had pretty much grown up with … so they knew me and were nice to me , but KC did not know me . KC would glare at me , she was about my size at the time and if I moved she would bark . She would corner me in a room and not let me go anywhere . Well , one day , my step mom had to go somewhere and she wanted to leave me at home by myself , so , she sat me down in the living room in a chair and told me not to move . She told KC to watch me , and she left . Well , KC did watch me . Every time I tried to get up , she would growl and step closer to me . I was so scared . Then , KC got hungry and left the room . I thought … this is my only chance , so I immediately jumped up … carefully and quietly , and got to the phone in the kitchen . I called my mom at work in Texas and told her that I couldn 't talk because my step mom might get back . I told her what had happened and said that she was pulling into the driveway so I had to go . My mom said not to worry that she would come and get me . As soon as she got off of the phone , she told her boss what had happened and he asked her if she needed his gun . My mom said , " I don 't need a gun , that family is scared enough of me " . So , my mom was on the first flight she could get , which got her there the next day . The next day , I saw my grandmother pull up and I thought , here we go . My dad and grandmother would argue all the time , they are like those families , who the way they talk is that they argue . Well , she came to the door , knocked and my dad answered it . This was in the morning before he was going to leave , luckily I was let out of my room for this one . My grandmother told my dad that my mom had come to her house very upset and wanted her to bring me there . My dad and step mom said no , so my grandmother said that if she did not come back with me right then , then my mom would come and she was pissed . My dad had bolted the door shut , which by the way , he was always kind of paranoid , so there were about 9 deadbolts on the door … not the pansy kind you purchase today , but the real heavy - duty kind that a bomb couldn 't open . My grandmother tried to open the door , but it would not budge and she kept asking my dad to open it but he wouldn 't . They just kept screaming at each other , so I finally yelled at the top of my lungs for them to BE QUIET ! They became suddenly silent and looked at me . I looked at my dad and asked him nicely if he would please open the door and let me go . He began to argue a bit with my grandmother again , but succumbed to my wishes . We left and went to my grandmother 's house . My mom said that she would NEVER let me come back on her dime again . So , I never did . I thought that I would write a little more about my life history today . I was born in Southern California but I moved around a lot through the years . Both sides of my grandparents were in the air force , so my parents were somewhat BRATS . Those in the military understand that term , though I do not know the specific acronym of the term . They moved a lot . My mom has been in different countries , though I do not think that my dad has . My grandparents on both sides divorced and so both of my parents came from split families . My dad was married before he met my mom and so was my mom . My dad had another daughter before me and my mom had a son before me . Both of my siblings were quite a bit older than I am . I grew up around my brother but I did not have much contact with my sister . Something happened before me , that caused my sister to resent my dad and therefore resent me . I remember one time , my grandmother , took me to her apartment to try and get her to acknowledge me as her sister , but that did not turn out well . I was about 6 years old at the time . I remember that my sister answered the door , it was night time , and she saw me and slammed the door shut . My grandmother knocked some more until she answered . My grandmother said that she would either see us or my grandmother would never speak to her again . So , my sister 's husband came out and made her let us in . It was awkward to say the least . I was only 6 and I could feel the tension . She kept glaring at me and stating that she would never acknowledge me , while calling me names I should not have heard at that age . Her children came out from their bedrooms , they were around 3 and under . They asked who I was and my grandmother told them , but my sister said it wasn 't true and for them to go back to bed . I felt so bad . When we left , she said that my grandmother better never bring me around again or she would not forgive her . Well , that was the last time that I saw her until my grandmother 's funeral when I was 13 . That too was another awkward interaction . A man came up to me and said , " Oh , did you know that you had a sister ? " I was going to say yes , however , she turned right around and snapped back … she is my HALF sister , then turned back to the front and ignored me the rest of the funeral . The man looked at me with this odd face and just said … " Oh " . Later that same day , at my dad 's house , her and her mother were there … I had gone inside to go to the bathroom , which I couldn 't find . I hadn 't visited my dad since I was 8 because he and my stepmother kidnapped me , so to speak … but that is another story . So , I was going to find the bathroom , when I heard someone saying some really bad things about my mother , who was there with me . I looked back and saw my sister and her mother talking . Her mother called my mom a name and said I was the same , my sister told her to shhh . This surprised me , so I went out and stayed as close to my dad as possible because I knew that they would not say anything around him . That was the very last time that I ever saw my sister . When my dad died , his sister called her to let her know , but apparently something had happened between the two dates ( I was 19 at this time ) so that she said that she didn 't have a dad and would not go to the funeral . She didn 't . My aunt , my dad 's sister , would spend the next few days trying to convince me to get in contact with her because she was my sister , but she really didn 't know the extent of her feelings . I would ask others older than me what happened to make her so abusive , but no one would ever tell me . The last I heard , she lived somewhere in Arizona , but that was years ago … so who knows now . I have heard some stories about her childhood from my mom and it wasn 't good . Her mom use to abuse her and my grandmother asked my mom and dad to adopt her from her mother … that she would pay for the legal fees , etc . But my mom said no because she believed that a child should remain with their mother . She thought also that if something happened between her and my dad , then she would end up having to raise her too and she couldn 't afford that . Well , my parents split up when I was 3 ½ years old and we moved from California when I was 4 . I would visit at my grandmother 's house because my mom didn 't trust my dad to remember to pick me up from the airport , etc . Well , when the incident happened when I was 8 , my mom had to come out from Texas to get me and swore that my dad would never see me again . He only saw me once more , at my grandmother 's funeral . A car hit her but again , that is another story . Well , this post is quite long , so I will post more info about my past later . Be sure to subscribe so you can follow the rest of the story . Click here for Part II Cube Okay , this may sound odd to some , but sometimes when I am having a hard time getting to sleep at night … my husband walks me through some visualizations - and it works . Last night was one of those nights . It all started one night about a week ago , when I just couldn 't go to sleep because I was feeling somewhat overwhelmed by life situations . I was trying to describe how I felt to him and it came out as images . I told him that I saw in my mind , a cube . This cube was very dark , cold and hard . The cube seemed to be made of a smooth metal that looked like Onyx . All around this cube was a light airy mist , which was cool - kind of like air conditioning . I told him that the cube represented the stress and pressure and the airy mist represented the peace I felt . He then walked me through looking at those images in a different way , which got my mind off of what was behind the images and made me relax enough to go to sleep . So , last night , my thoughts were many and it wasn 't allowing me to get any sleep … so we thought to try this again . He told me to think of a large cube that was shiny , hovering just above the ground while spinning on its point . Well , that is about as far as I got . Sometimes I guess I just need something more focused to think about rather then the stresses of the day . It sure beats taking Ambien CR . The doctors put me on that when I lost my babies , to help me sleep … but it made me hallucinate , so I stopped taking it . Sometimes , I have him read to me out of the Bible , but that gets me excited and puts me into study mode … so it is kind of counter - productive . Bible In the past , when I couldn 't sleep … I would make my body really still and imagine relaxing myself from my toes up . I would take it really slow , imagining a massage because I was a massage therapist . I would normally be asleep by the time I got to my knees . Someone once told me that if you have trouble sleeping , then to concentrate on keeping your tongue still . Apparently , when you are thinking deeply to the point of not being able to sleep , you move your tongue and if you can focus on keeping that still , one : you won 't be thinking about the other stuff and two : your tongue movement won 't keep you awake . It worked for a while . Every night , I have to have music playing in the background with a fan blowing for white noise . If it is too quiet then I cannot sleep , but also , if I can hear things outside , I cannot sleep … go figure ! In the wintertime , coyotes come around , even to our back fence and it bothers me … this is the first reason we started sleeping with a fan on . Sometimes they are so loud out there that even the fan doesn 't drown them out . I worry all the time about the little animals out there and I always pray for them and that God will keep the coyotes away … normally when I do , they go and if I don 't they seem to stay longer . The scary thing is that we have bobcats around here too . I have only seen one once , but our mayor has seen them around his house a few times . Bobcat Anyway , I just thought that I would share how shapes seem to help me sleep lately and if you are having trouble sleeping , you might want to try it . You have to really imagine them , the way they look , feel , whether they are solid or liquid , size , etc . It works for me , let me know if it works for you . This weekend is a holiday weekend to honor those who have fought for our freedom . My grandfather is one of those men . My grandfather 's name was Clarence Adam Cordell . He died on Jan . 4 , 1964 at the age of 47 , barely . ( Dec . 10 , 1917 - Jan . 4 , 1964 ) S / SGT USAF My grandfather was in the airforce and was stationed all over the world . He died in San Diego , California . He is laid to rest at the Fort Rosecrans National Cemetary in Plot : X 862 , which overlooks the ocean . His plot is at the top of a hill near a cliff . My husband and I lived in San Diego for about 2 1 / 2 years and it was then that I was able to go and see where my grandfather was buried . His grave site is in a great place with an absolutly beautiful view . I imagined what his funeral must have been like . My grandfather died way before I was born , so I never got to know him . From the stories that I have heard , my grandfather was stationed at Roswell before the UFO " incident " and was relocated shortly before it happened . Oh , the stories I might have heard , had he stayed there . Hmmm … Well , I wish that I had more to say about them , but I really don 't know very much . My grandpa Joe apparently had a building named after him at a Southern California college because he became a professor . Little tid - bits don 't exactly make a whole picture , just a puzzle . I came across this joke a little while back and it made me laugh soooo hard , so I wanted to share it here . The comedian is Anjelah Johnson and she captures it perfectly . For anyone who has ever gotten this done , this video will bring back memories . Enjoy ! |
I grabbed my pencil and a pad of paper . It had suddenly occurred to me that I wanted to write a poem to read onstage at the LA Music Awards Voting & Press event . This was huge , I have never spoken on stage in front of so many people before . Just the thought of it made me shake . But at the same time , it was like an adrenaline rush . It was trying something new and out of my comfort zone . By now , I am pretty used to being around big crowds , having people gawk at me in my angel outfit , having photos taken of me , and making home YouTube videos , but stage fright is a whole different beast to wrestle ! My hand was shaking a little bit as I hung it over the paper , contemplating what to write . My flashbacks started : { Taking my wings out of my trunk that first day of my Angel Project , my whole body was trembling . I was wondering if I was stark raving mad for acting on these inner promptings . I was so new to LA , I barely knew my way around yet . I had met a few people but didn 't have any friends yet , I was that new . And there I was , deciding to dress like an angel in a strange new land and go stand on a street corner . I think I was struggling more with what I thought of myself than about what others were going to think of me . Buying the angel outfits and creating the posters was a start , but it was those epic first steps to actually go out on the street corner , that were the scariest . The notion of what other people thought of me quickly set in as soon as I saw people looking and staring at me . I was glad when all the people I encountered that first day had a positive and supportive response . But there were plenty of people who acted like I didn 't exist . Like , people would literally walk right past me , I 'd smile / wave / say hi to them , and they 'd look through me like I was a ghost or something . That was strange to me . But standing there with my posters and posing beside people who wanted to take a photo with me , felt so . . . amazing . In the sense that , it meant what I was doing was " working " and having a positive affect on others . The messages were resonating with people . It was a bliss in my heart that I felt like I was doing a good thing , without expectation of reward , simply because I followed my soul 's urges and was fulfilling that . } { Read related blog : " The Calling " } Maybe I really am a ghost to some people ! You never know what someone else 's view of life looks like . . . I 've read that if you vibrate at a high enough frequency , that you will be invisible to some other lower - vibrational beings . Pretty cool . If you think about it , that 's the way Angels work . I absolutely believe in them now since I 've seen two of them . Just glimpses . They were transparent beings that move around really fast in the sky ! ! Just the fact that they presented themselves to me , the fact that I saw them , that I saw something supernatural for myself , I believe . I know they 're around . I 've used this line in another blog : It 's easy to not believe in things until you see them for yourself . Same goes for " aliens " . There are so many advanced forms of life and energy in this universe that the average human mind can 't even fathom it , and many people have no awareness of it or don 't even contemplate it . I 've met some supernatural people here in LA . I 'm talking about people who have strong energy fields that you can FEEL ( at least I could ! ) , and meeting people who are so clairvoyant , they can tell you what you ate for breakfast in some detail . It 's nuts ! in a cool way ! When I was finished writing the poem , I was most pleased . I felt like I 'd put my emotion into it , and the words held that energy somehow . The stage appearance wasn 't what I was expecting , which was actually good because I ended up feeling more calm than I thought I would . I thought it was going to be 900 seated , silent people staring at me , but instead it was a crowded , rather dark , big , double - decker room ( had a balcony of both seated and standing people ) with some noise of people talking in the background . However , when I went up on the stage to speak on the microphone , it did seem like it got much more quiet than it had been earlier during the event . People were . . . . actually listening ! It was awesome that people were coming up to me afterwards saying they liked my poem . It 's always nice to feel validated . I try to not rely on other 's people 's opinions and validations as much since having a higher awareness of things than I ever have had before , but it 's always nice to be encouraged and supported ! That 's what keeps me going with this angel project ! I maintain that if I 'm able to positively affect even just one person a day , then I consider that a success and progress to me . I want to serve , help , uplift others in whatever random ways that I can . That stuff makes the heart sing . Here are 2 quotes for you to ponder so that you 'll understand what I mean more , at least one facet , when I mention having a higher awareness of things : 1 ) " When I am independent of the good or bad opinion of others , I stand strong in my own divine power . " 2 ) " When I recognize and acknowlege my personal power , I no longer need to feel superior or inferior to anyone else . " Both quotes are from the wise author and speaker Deepak Chopra . Today I decided to make a short trip to the grocery store for just a few things . When I was walking towards the grocery store , I noticed a woman sitting on the ground near the entrance holding her toddler daughter and a sign saying she was homeless and hungry . I saw several people pass right by her without even taking notice . I just took a class recently that instilled the phrase in my brain " As I give , so may I grow " and that phrase whispered to me . I dug through my purse and handed her $ 10 ; she looked so grateful and told me " Thank you , God Bless you " . As I was inside the store , I passed a woman in a wheelchair who required a nurse assistant to push her around to help her with groceries . As I was leaving , a man was walking around with a gas can and said he just needed about $ 1 more for gas . I gave him $ 2 just to be safe . He too , smiled so huge and said " Thank you God Bless ! " So many people in need . When I got home and finished putting away my groceries , I sat down and just began to cry and give thanks for so many things . I 'm thankful that I can afford to have a car and afford to put gas in it . I 'm thankful I have my eyesight and all my limbs to be able to drive and walk to just do daily activities like going to buy groceries and put them away . I 'm thankful I have a place to live and food to eat , and means to afford those things . I may not have a lot of money , but I have enough and all my needs met , and enough to spare to help others in small capacities . The whole class was very magical , especially our trip to a pretty park overlooking the Santa Ana dried river bed . As I was standing near the edge of the cliff , with the wind wildly blowing my hair , the poem just started to come to me in my head from things I 'd observed and the activities we did at the park as a group . The most magical thing was when a large , beautiful Eagle ( or hawk ) with a white underbelly spotted with black dots slowly soared over us as we stood in a circle . It flew off into the direction of the sun until we couldn 't see it anymore . It was such a cool sign ! It looked like the bird pictured below : On our lunch break , I was at a grocery store that had a small cafe in the back corner , and as I was heading towards the cafe , I noticed a small white dragon statue , right at my eye level on the shelf ! I decided to buy it , since when we were learning about the different kinds of dragons , I resonated the most with the first kind : White Dragons . White Dragons are the ruling clan over all dragons , and are of the highest purity and teachings . It seemed meant to be that I buy it . I wrote the poem about the class on the bottom of the statue in memory of the class . : ) The dragon is holding a pearl , which is the oldest known gem on Earth , and is a symbol of wisdom , purity , innocence , and faith . I was at a tiny convenience store in the 3rd Street Promenade shopping strip recently , and this lady in line before me at the register was clutching a bag of chips and holding a $ 1 bill . When she went up to the counter , they told her $ 1 . 07 . She started frantically waving around her dollar bill and saying that the Promenade workers used to get an employee discount . The lady at the register shook her head " no " and the manager guy behind her said there was no longer any employee discounts . This seemed to fluster the woman with the chips and she seemed distraught while continuing to flail her arms in frustration . It appeared she was going to abandon her chips , so I stepped in and bought her bag of chips for her . I told her it would be my random act of kindness for the day . Both she and the register lady looked at me in surprise . I don 't recall her saying thank you , because she seemed upset about no longer having a discount , but I hope it helped her to feel better . Acts of kindness and help don 't have to be huge or grand to make a difference in someone 's day . Show kindness to others . It 's food for your soul ! On January 24 , 2013 , I felt like I nearly died of a heart attack . Earlier in the evening I had been verbally attacked on the phone by a close family member for having moved away from Texas , and basically blaming me for everything falling apart for them because I moved , and then I was verbally attacked yet again on the phone for no reason out of the blue by a man ( who I determined later was a psycho bipolar guy ) ; who was cruelly telling me with a mean tone of voice that I was going to fail and would be " destitute " from doing my Angel Project . I experienced heart - attacked symptoms right after those phone calls . My heart felt like it had some seized - up palpitations , and my left arm shot out stiff , and felt numb , cold , shaky , and tingly from my left side all the way down to my fingertips . I am only 30 years old , how could this happen ? I laid on my floor for awhile letting it pass , and eventually decided that I better call 911 , because I 'd never experienced anything like that before and it freaked me out . Not only did my heart and arm act crazy , but my right foot ( the one that 's been injured since January 2012 ) had begun to go completely cold since the night before , like it wasn 't getting proper circulation , AND my left breast / armpit area had been hurting for a few months and had been progressively getting worse . I have never had to call 911 for myself before and never had to go to an ER or been in an ambulance , but this incident scared me enough to want to have some hospital staff check me out . I didn 't have insurance , and I knew it would be costly , but I felt that it would be worth it to pay for the medical bills over time if they could help fix me . My health was in shambles and I desperately wanted some help . As they were wheeling me into the hospital , I couldn 't shake the feeling that it felt like a staged set up with actors . The staff were all lounging around the entrance area , and they began joking around at me as I was wheeled in . I wasn 't exactly in the mood or condition for joking , but I managed a weak smile . They put me in a curtained area , and I laid there for a long time , with nothing happening . Eventually a business - looking woman with office attire and glasses came in and sat next to me . She made me sign my life away on a thick stack of documents before they would help me . I was feeling so bad that I could barely read or sign the papers . My signature on many of the pages is half tilted down the line because I wasn 't functioning very well . When she left , I laid there again for more time , and suddenly one of the staff members put their cell phone up to my curtain and played the song by Rhianna called , " Take A Bow " and they STARTED playing that song at the line where she says , " You look so dumb right now " . I was deeply shocked and dismayed by this . Was this some kind of cruel joke ? ? ? Or a crazy sign ? How could they be so heartless ? ? Maybe this particular hospital is used to getting the rich people who have minor panic attacks or something , because it was an upscale area hospital , but I was truly feeling awful and really hoping for help and care , but it seemed like they were making fun of me . Or maybe because I didn 't have insurance , they didn 't really want to help me . Who knows . A young male doctor arrived , and wasn 't very nice at all . He didn 't seem to take me seriously , and came across very rudely with his tone and the way he looked at me . He said they 'd take some blood and send me for a scan . A nurse with long scraggly hair came in to take my blood , and she seemed VERY fake with her sincerity . She really hurt my arm taking my blood vials too . I 've had blood drawn many times before , but however she went about doing it really hurt more than ever before . Shortly after she left , she returned and told me that " something went wrong with my vials " , and she would have to retake my blood ! She proceeded to repeat the painful process all over again ! In hindsight , they were probably just taking the opportunity to rob me of my blood or something , not that I 'd mind being a donor to someone in need , but the whole blood - drawing scene I experienced was very fishy to me . I went in for the scan , and the technician says that the injection of fluid will make you feel like you pissed yourself . How lovely . And it did feel that way . Eventually a different doctor came in to see me , this time a young female doctor . I felt like I was on the set of Grey 's Anatomy . She said they didn 't find anything wrong , she wrote me a prescription for Advil , and told the nurse to discharge me . I was so dismayed . I hadn 't been helped at all or been given my blood work or scan results . I didn 't want to , I felt shafted . I wanted some kind of help or better treatment and didn 't get that . I laid there for just a few moments sulking in shock , and the nurse came and told me again to get dressed , so I did . She led me down the hall . I was slowly limping on my cold numb foot and holding my left side where my pain was . I was still in my pajamas and pink bath robe . She took me to their lobby and told me to go home . I just sort of stood there in disbelief , because I 'd arrived in an ambulance and had no one with me to take me home . I asked her how was I supposed to get home , it was pouring rain hard outside . She said I could call a cab , and then she turned and left me there . The lobby was totally empty , I was the only patient there . There were 2 - 3 staff members behind a desk in the lobby , but they paid no attention to me . The nurse reappeared and suddenly tossed me a coin . " There , you can take the bus " she said . As I said before , it was pouring rain outside and I was in my pajamas . I didn 't particularly want to venture outside in that mess to wait for a bus and be seen in public in my condition . People would probably think I was an escaped mental patient limping around in my pink bathrobe and report me ! There was 1 red couch and lots of chairs in the lobby . I went to the couch and laid on it , trying to figure out what to do and processing the whole experience . I laid there looking dead and all alone for AN HOUR AND A HALF with tons of hospital staff pouring in through the front doors passing me , and no one ever checked on me . Not once . No wonder you hear about how some people actually die in lobbies and aren 't discovered until hours later . There is such a lack of real compassion in this world . It 's particularly sad that our country 's medical field has become so heartless in many ways . I was relaying my story to one of my friends , Susana , who runs a small thrift shop that benefits the poor , and her response was disheartening : " Now imagine if your skin was brown " , because she , too , has had some bad hospital experiences . She said that because she is a Hispanic woman , she 's been treated really badly every time she 's had to go in for anything . She started to tell me her stories , and I felt bad for her . What has become of our medical field these days ? How can they treat people like this and get away with it ? It 's like one big evil hungry machine . They can bill patients whatever the hell they want , and ruin people 's lives with those amounts . With all the various charges ( ambulance bill , individual ER doctor bill , blood work bill , scan bill , and hospital bill ) it came out to a total of nearly $ 8 , 000 for that one 3 - hour nightmare experience of not getting any real help and being treated like crap . There was no way I wanted to pay that amount for how I 'd been treated . I found out that several of the bills offered patient assistance applications , so I went to work on filling all of those out , and managed to get most of my bills erased , except for the chest scan . I felt very lucky that I was able to get out of those bills . Some people get hounded by collections agencies or have to file for bankruptcy over medical bills . While we shared many fun times and happy memories together through middle and high school , it wasn 't until a few years ago did I realize she was a pretty big bully - type figure in my life all those years . ( We didn 't hangout as much after high school since she went to a college in a different city . We haven 't been in contact for 2 years now ) . She would do things to me that would physically hurt or embarrass me , and also pull mean pranks on me that would hurt my feelings . For whatever reason , I just put up with her antics because I always considered her my best friend . Story # 1 : One time at a sleepover at her house , she and another girl secretly rubbed IcyHot cream all over my pillow and sheets , and sat there and laughed at me while I was bewildered at why my bedding smelled like strong chemicals and affected my skin . They didn 't tell me what they had done until the next day . I was really upset by that prank . Another time at a sleepover , she tried to get me to wet my bed by putting my hand in a bowl of warm water . Thankfully it didn 't work on me . And again at yet another sleepover at her house , she took photos of me while I was sleeping with my underwear exposed , and she took the photos to school and showed them around to everyone and the boys I liked to embarrass me . She seemed to enjoy humiliating me . Story # 2 : One time in 8th grade Honor 's Reading class , we had to read this whole book over our Spring Break , because our evil teacher was going to give us a test on it the day we returned from Spring Break . ( Way to ruin our holiday week ! ) . I had a trip I was going on with family , and I managed to read the whole book while on the airplane . Upon return to class after our Spring Break , I was actually looking forward to the test , because I felt like I would ace it ! My assigned seat was in the back corner of the classroom , and I was the first person to finish the test . When I got up and proudly started to walk to the front of the class to turn in my test , Kathy stuck her longass leg out in front of me , and tripped me in front of the whole silent class , and I totally wiped out and tumbled loudly to the floor . My skirt flew up and exposed my underwear to everyone , and the whole class roared in laughter at me . It was one of the most embarrassing moments in my life , and all caused by my supposed " best friend " . Story # 3 : One time I had my birthday party at my house , and we were all playing some sort of game in the front yard . Without warning , Kathy pulled both of my ankles out from under me , and I crashed to the ground and started crying from both the pain and embarrassment . My Mom says she 'll always remember that particular one because she was witness to it . Unless you have awareness of it , you may not even realize you 're being bullied . Sometimes it depends who is doing it and what place they have in your life . It 's not just kids at school who suffer from bullies , a lot of adults deal with it too . For some people , it 's a parent , sibling , boss , or even their romantic partner . My Dad was a bully to me also , big time . ( Read my blog " Conditioning : The Ultimate Mind - F * ck " ) . I had a waitress job that I only lasted about 2 months at a few years ago , because the " boss " was a young female who treated everyone so cruelly , no one could stand her . She was especially mean to me and this other girl really bad every single shift , and the other waiters noticed her targeted attacks on us . I quit in grand style , leaving her a nasty note ( which was all I could muster to stand up for myself at the time ) . I know an adult man who is a family friend , who was physically and verbally abused by his bully wife for 22 years ( they finally divorced a recently ) . Male - targeted spousal abuse is actually a little - talked about problem that many men suffer from . Many people say that you have to stand up to the bully . That can definitely be good and work in many situations , but for some it can be dangerous . Regardless of any bullying situation , there is help available , and I encourage those who suffer from it to seek out counsel and help from trusted sources . I used to be the picture of health , and then all that changed . In January 2012 I was in Vegas with a small group of close friends ; I didn 't go to Vegas to party , I was there assisting my longtime disabled friend , Adam , to get around so that he could hang out with his family . Adam has Lou Gehrigs 's disease ( aka ALS ) which is a devastating degenerative disease with no known cure , and I 'd been helping him with his groceries weekly for almost 2 years . Adam , his mom , and sister enjoy meeting in Vegas for their little family reunions , because they all live in different states . He asked me to accompany him to Vegas so that he could have help at the airport , on the airplane , and to just be a friend to hangout with while we toured around Vegas . He even got me my very own hotel room ! It was my first time getting to see Vegas , and I was really stoked . Three days into our tourist vacation in Vegas , my right foot began to really hurt , for no apparent reason . I hadn 't gotten drunk and fallen or tripped or anything . I limped around on my bad foot for 2 more days , and then limped on it at home for another week before I decided that the problem wasn 't getting any better , so I better go see a doctor . A friend was kind enough to donate her sister 's used crutches to me , and I went to Texas Med Clinic . I didn 't get any help there , but the next day a friend called and gave me a referral to see a foot doctor . Turns out I had a stress fracture in my foot , so the doctor fitted me with a boot - cast and ordered me to use the crutches and wear the cast for a few months . Long story short , I have ended up seeing several foot doctors , healers , and chiropractors over the last year and 9 months related to this one injury . My body has just never been the same . Once you break something , it 's never quite the same . . . and that applies to pretty much anything . Having the foot injury ended up throwing my entire skeletal system out of alignment , because I was having to limp around and put all of my weight on my other foot . Honestly , both feet have bothered me ever since . One doctor 's theory was that an old ankle injury I had back in July of 2007 never healed right , which led to the stress fracture . I 'd also been a promotional model for 6 years prior , and that required me to be on my feet for hours for our shifts , usually in high heels . Once the stress fracture happened , it turned my life upside down even more : I had just gotten divorced a week before the injury and was trying to figure out my next move , and the next minute I couldn 't walk right or work anymore . My life was in shambles . After the doctor ordered me to be on crutches for a few weeks and wear the god - awful boot - cast , there was a period of time where I was confined to my house and couch . It felt miserable . I was always such an active person , and always on the go . Suddenly , it hurt too much to even walk for awhile . The crutches huThe electric wheelchair Even after the stress fracture healed , I continued to have major pain and problems in my foot , ankle , and back . The chiropractors I saw said my alignment was really jacked up . I 'm still seeing one to this day since I 'm still not 100 % . At it 's worst , I could see my shoulders were uneven in the mirror , and my pelvis stuck out on one side more than the other plain as day . It was gross . But I 'm making progress , slowly but surely . I have endured an epic amount of physical pain related to my foot injury while doing my Angel Project , since the bulk of my Angel Project is about being out in public and going to events with poster messages . Early in the time of just getting put into the boot - cast , I had been couch - ridden for 2 straight days at one point , because it was just too painful to get around at all . I was really depressed . But it forced me to sit and re - evaluate my life , and also re - evaluate how I perceived myself as being productive from one day to the next . I couldn 't do as much as I used to be capable of , so I had to learn to be satisfied with completing smaller tasks , like just being able to reach the cabinets to put dishes away or something . It was very eye - opening to have my freedom and mobility taken away from me in the blink of an eye . It even helped me see a bit of what my friend Adam has to deal with , since his mobility is severely limited with his disease . After 2 straight days of being stuck on the couch , I felt determined to get out of the house , and I didn 't care if I broke my other foot trying to do it ! I was going crazy . I limped out of the house , stuffed my crutches in the car , and drove to a nearby Starbucks that had a nice outdoor patio , so that I could enjoy some fresh air . While I was ordering my coffee at the counter , it occurred to me that I had no idea how I was going to actually pick up and carry the coffee to a table outside . You can 't really use your hands for anything else when you 're using crutches . As I was standing there debating this fiasco , I heard a man behind me ask , " So what happened to you ? " I turned around , and saw a guy who appeared to be about my age standing there . He pointed down at his foot , and when I looked down , I saw that he had a prosthetic right foot . How ironic . I told him the story about my foot , and he offered to bring me my coffee when it was ready ! It was so nice of him to offer , since I was literally just trying to figure out how to get my coffee before he spoke to me . Once I got outside , I began to feed the birds with spare crackers I had in my backpack purse , and enjoy the nice day . The guy ( I forgot his name ) brought me my coffee , and we ended up sitting together and talking for an hoIn hindsight , I felt like I 'd gotten a glimpse of how " things could always be worse " . My foot was thoroughly messed up , but at least I still had my foot . At least I would be able to walk again , some people aren 't afforded that luxury . I was grateful for the chance meeting and chat with the guy , because it gave me a new outlook on things and my situation . No matter how bad things appear in your life , chances are they could be worse , and there are people out there who are in much more dire situations . Be thankful every day for what you have , and count your blessings . Focus on the positive , and minimize thoughts about the negative . The person who had told me about the church is a dear friend of mine , Dr . Ed Jor - El Elkin ( I 'll call him Ed ) , age 77 , who was really instrumental in helping me initially get connected to some contacts around LA . I met him at a gas station during my first week doing the Angel Project while I was on the streets with my posters . I consider him to be one of my angels , because he took me under his wing to show me around a lot since I was so new to LA and still figuring out my calling to spread messages of kindness . However , Ed was from Hawaii , and was only able to show me around for a week before he had to fly back to Hawaii . The morning after Ed flew back to Hawaii was a Sunday morning , and I woke up feeling really sad that he 'd left , because he 'd been so helpful and kind . I had the feeling of " What do I do now ? " because I still felt like I was floundering in uncertainty about my Angel Project . I had planned to go to Agape 's Sunday service for the first time that morning , and I was laying in bed debating whether or not I felt up to going at all . Even though I felt sad , I went ahead and put on my angel outfit and drove to Agape alone . Upon arriving at Agape , I put on my big angel wings , grabbed one of my posters , and made the trek to the outdoor New Guest sign - in table . There were people already standing in lines waiting for the early service to let out so they could go into the sanctuary . I signed in , put on my purple " New Friend " ribbon , and got in the back of the New Guest line . The ushers began to let everyone in , and when I got to the front of the line , the usher told me I couldn 't go in with my wings on . He actually wasn 't very nice about it . It took me a moment to process what he was saying . I was thinking , " Are you serious ? ? " I tried to explain who I was and what I was doing , but he maintained his position . A second usher even came up and also said the same thing . I was shocked . With a heavy heart , I turned away and sadly walked back to my car . I had no one to be with and got rejected on my first visit to a place that I hoped would accept and support me . Once I got to my car , I decided that I was just going to go home . As I was putting my wings in the trunk of my car , I began to cry , and tears streamed down my face . The whole incident was the straw that broke the camel 's back , since I 'd already woken up sad . Suddenly , an old man appeared beside me , seemingly out of nowhere . He was leaning against a tree that I 'd parked next to like a cool cat , smoking a hand - rolled cigarette , and wearing all white . " Angel , why are you crying ? " he asked . I fumbled for my words , and began to explain to him what happened . I noticed he had a cute , small service dog on a leash with him . After I told him what happened , he told me his name was Tyrone , and he offered to have us sit together at the service . That sounded better than going home crying , so I left my rejected wings in the car , wiped away my tears , and walked with him back to the church . ( P . S . Be sure to read my blog from April called " Red Carpet Crasher ! " because it describes how fate allowed me to have a personal hangout with Rev . Dr . Michael Beckwith when I crashed my very first red carpet event as the LA Street Angel ! ) Posted by |
I 've been thinking that maybe I need to change the picture on my blog now . I will eventually . Probably when I find a new good one that 's just the three of us . I 'm kind of working on letting things naturally phase out rather than getting rid off all things Max right away . For example , we still have his art work up on the wall of our toy room . I 've told Davan that , as she wants to put new pictures up , she can take down any old ones she wants . The rule before was that you had to take down one of your own pictures if you were putting up a new one . We still have our family portrait up in the living room . We 'll replace it at some point , but the one with Max won 't get put away in a drawer or where ever , either . Our screen saver on the computer is all family pictures . Eventually there will be more that don 't have Max than that do , but for now he 's still showing up . This is as it should be . He 's been a part of our family for a long time . He 's made his mark . I 'm okay with that . Now for the chilling part . Davan is off to Blue Lake Park for a few hours with friends shortly . Do you know what that means ? It means I have time to myself for a few hours ! Who - hoo ! Davan , of course , also has gymnastics and I could take that time to myself , but she likes it when I stay , I enjoy watching , I can read my book just as easily there as at home ( mostly ) and it saves gas not to be dropping her off . So , the gymnastics time isn 't really the same as her being picked up and taken someplace . As it happens , though , I won 't be staying at home and chilling the whole time . I have library needs , so I 'm thinking I 'll walk over there and then I also have Marionberry needs . Our local farm stand is selling them for $ 14 for a full flat this week , which is about half price . Who - hoo ! Of course , that would be a little difficult to carry home , so I 'm trying to decide if I need to take the car or bike / trailer out for that or if I can , indeed carry them home . It 's about a half mile probably . Okay . I 'm off to help Davan with any last minute preparation for her outingPosted by We had our good - bye meeting with Max yesterday . The wait was hard , anticipating what it would be like . The good - bye itself ? Well . . . . we were glad to see Max walk in and come over and hug us right away . The first few minutes of seeing him and seeing how he was doing were sweet . A ( therapist ) came over and took Davan to a different room while we cuddled a bit . Then , when A came back , she reminded Max of what was happening . He held onto me and cried . He 'd been told the day before what was happening and had helped A write a letter to us . I offered to read him the letter we 'd written to him . He wanted that and stopped crying right away and smiling and laughing at the pictures and the memories . He was also his usual fidgety self and moved so quickly past the crying . . . It wasn 't long before he was bored with the pictures and wanted us to all go upstairs so we could play . That was when A took him to see Davan . They drew a picture together and Davan tells us that Max was acting up and silly , but it was okay because she hadn 't expected him to be otherwise . When they came back up , we gave Max the good - bye cards and things that people had given us to give him . Then it was time for good - bye . A took Davan out of the room so we could say our final good - bye and then get Max into Barbara 's car . Max , at this point , was mostly concerned with his snack and juice and sticker . He had no trouble getting into the car . He did look a little hang - dog , but it really felt like it was a " practice " emotion , as A would say - something he felt like he was supposed to feel rather than really did . Davan really broke down when we were getting him out to the car , great big sobs . It was so sad to see . Anthony and I mostly felt like we 'd let Max and Davan down , but that it was the right decision and we were okay . When we were processing after , we both agreed that Max mostly seemed scared by the future rather than upset about leaving us . We talked with Davan over the course of the evening about how she was feeling . She said she missed Max and was sad for him . Posted by Barbara stopped by yesterday evening to drop off a few things . She told us how the telling of Max had gone yesterday ( he was shocked and sad , but she said it went okay ) and a little feedback from the psychologist ( the initial word is that Max has frontal lobe problems , which makes processing new information difficult ) and generally chit - chatted for a while . Now , as I think that Barbara is rather a ditz and has a strange filter on how she sees the world , I probably shouldn 't let myself be comforted by her . She , though , also told us that A , Max 's therapist , says emphatically that we fostered so much growth in Max and that he gained so much from being in our family for a year and a half . That felt good to hear because I think of A as being totally anti us these days . Barbara said that she understands that we will need to take a break and process , but then , if we want to try again to adopt , she would be happy work work with us . Wow . We totally didn 't expect that . However , we , well , Anthony mostly who has put his foot down about this issue , will not be going that route again . Mostly I think he 's right , but I 'm also sad about it . Barbara suggested that if we didn 't want to try to adopt again that maybe we 'd be interested in doing teen foster case , something else we 'd been talking about before adopting Max as something we might do when the kids were out of the house . Yeah , well , I guess you never know , but I 'm thinking probably not on that , as well . Anthony said , after Barbara left , that they are just hard up for adoptive and foster parents and that 's why she 's still willing , but she seemed very genuine about it . She said she felt like we had a lot to offer a child and that it was really just a poor match with Max , which , of course , rings true because that 's how I feel ! This morning , I 'm working on burning pictures to a disk and I have two pictures to paste into Max 's life book . Then I 'm done and we 'll be off to lunch with Tad - ku ( my step dad ) and then to the good - bye meeting . I 'm a little anxious , but doing okay . Keeping bPosted by Dear Max / Judea , We found out that we 'd been chosen to be your family on November 28th , 2006 . It was just two days after Nicholina 's birthday and it was such a great gift . Nicholina , Mom , was so excited to find out that you were going to come and be her little boy . She and Anthony , Dad , had been hoping to be your parents for a long time ! Davan was very excited about having a little brother , too , and all three told everyone they knew . Two weeks later , Anthony and Nicholina got to meet you . We came to see you at the Knowlton 's house , were you had lived for more than two years . You gave Anthony a big hug the moment we walked in the door . We 'd brought a football , which you loved , and we played catch outside with your new football . It was exciting to get to know each other . After 10 days of getting to know each other and visits back and forth , you moved in and , as far as we were concerned , became an O ' Donnell . We were very happy to be a family of four . There were some rough times , though . You missed your foster brothers and were angry a lot . Sometimes you told us that we 'd kidnapped you from the Knowlton 's . Over the next year and a half , we all - you , Anthony , Nicholina and Davan - tried very hard to be a family together . Sometimes we did a good job and sometimes we didn 't . We did a lot of fun things together . We went to the park often . We camped and did some hiking . We played a lot of Family Rotational Fun , where everyone got to chose 1 - 3 things for the family to do all together . We had pizza and movie nights . We played games together . We read books together in the mornings and at bed times , most every day . Sometimes we read more . We played basketball in the driveway . We played a lot of catch . We went to lots of your basketball , soccer and football games . You love sports and do really well at them ! There were some highlights to your year and a half as an O ' Donnell , in addition to the everyday sorts of things . We had our first Christmas together just after you moved in , which was hard because we 'd just met and now were hPosted by I 'm glad to be home after my visit with Chris . We had a great time with a lot of walking and playing cards . And a lot of eating . We also got in a visit with a high school friend and a yoga class that was really good . While I 'm glad to be home , it 's also bitter sweet . I was very glad to see Davan and Anthony and be home in time to see Davan 's gymnastics routine she 'd been working on over the weekend ( very Cir ' de Sole - ish ) , read to her at bedtime and watch an episode of " Buffy the Vampire Slayer " ( our current after Davan is in bed indulgence ) with Anthony before bed . However , it 's also the day that Max is told that he 's not coming back . I have to finish my pages for his life book and get his photo album together . Tomorrow we have to say good - bye . His case worker will be coming to get his belongings on Wednesday . At least , I think she will be . We haven 't had a finalization about that or a time set yet . This will all be hard . Today is hard already . Many thanks to my friend and commenter , ami , who will be spending some time with me and her daughter with Davan this afternoon while I work on the life book and photo album . I 've made some changes to the letter and will post it again . I 'm off today to see my best friend , Chris . Yes , she was just here . Yes , it 's only been a couple of months since I last went to see her . We planned two trips close together because she 's in Colorado , ostensibly house sitting for her parents ( turns out they will be there , rather than traveling , but that 's another story ) , which makes the trip much faster and cheaper . I have to admit to feeling a little guilty about planning it when we did . I felt like it was maybe too much time away from my family . And Max was still here when it was planned . And Davan kind of freaked out about the last time I left , even though she thinks it 's great that I get to visit my friend . However , I won 't go again for a while after this . . . . and I made it a bit shorter than I might have if I hadn 't been feeling guilty . I don 't leave until this evening and I get back Sunday evening well before bed time . After Max left , I felt guilty about the timing . We have to plan his move around this trip , in part . Would Davan be okay with me leaving when we 'd just had this major disruption ? Well , it seemed she would be . Yesterday afternoon at gymnastics , I was telling a friend how calm and collected she seemed to be about the whole affair . We were speculating about what a difference a calm home life can mean . Gee , what 's the difference between this visit and the last one ? A lack of a disturbed brother . All felt okay in regards to the trip and I let my guard down to enjoy our last evening together before I go . Fast forward to about an hour after Davan fell asleep while I was still reading , but very close to turning out the light . She showed up in our room , crying . She 'd had a dream that I 'd left and not come back . I comforted her , hugged her and she went on back to bed . She came back about a half an hour later , with me well into trying to sleep myself , crying because she couldn 't fall back asleep and kept thinking about me leaving . Now , during the day , I 'd have a lot of patience for this . She 's going through a rough time right now , after all . And I 'm leaving . TemPosted by Dear Max / Judea , We found out that we 'd been chosen to be your family on November 28th , 2006 . It was just two days after Nicholina 's birthday and it was such a great gift . Nicholina , Mom , was so excited to find out that you were going to come and be her little boy . She and Anthony , Dad , had been hoping to be your parents for a long time ! Davan was very excited about having a little brother , too , and all three told everyone they knew . Two weeks later , Anthony and Nicholina got to meet you . We came to see you at the Knowlton 's house , were you had lived for more than two years . You gave Anthony a big hug the moment we walked in the door . We 'd brought a football , which you loved , and we played catch outside with your new football . It was exciting to get to know each other . After 10 days of getting to know each other and visits back and forth , you moved in and , as far as we were concerned , became an O ' Donnell . We were very happy to be a family of four . There were some rough times , though . You missed your foster brothers and were angry a lot . Sometimes you told us that we 'd kidnapped you from the Knowlton 's . Over the next year and a half , we all tried very hard to be a family together . Sometimes we did a good job and sometimes we didn 't . We did a lot of fun things together . We went to the park often . We camped and did some hiking . We played a lot of Family Rotational Fun , where everyone got to chose 1 - 3 things for the family to do all together . We had pizza and movie nights . We played games together . We read books together in the mornings and at bed times , most every day . Sometimes we read more . We played basketball in the driveway . We played a lot of catch . We went to lots of your basketball , soccer and football games . You love sports and do really well at them ! There were some highlights to your year and a half as an O ' Donnell , in addition to the everyday sorts of things . We had our first Christmas together just after you moved in . You got a lot of Legos from friends and family . You loved the Legos , but they proved to be a Posted by Gee , I 'm so sad to report that Skyhawks canceled flag football camp for next week . I reined in my disappointment , though , and called to get my refund started this morning . I also spent this morning drafting up a letter to include in Max 's life book . I tried to be both positive about him , but realistic about his time here , as well . I 'll post it and see if anyone has feedback for me . I didn 't end up actually being sick , even though I had a couple of hours of sneezing , stuffy and sore throat plus being very tired on Friday . I think , mostly , I was just very tired . The last month or so has not been conducive to sleep . We had a busy weekend with two different parties to attend and a breakfast visit with my parents . My parents had been out of town for over a month , road tripping up to Alaska in their RV . We 'd actually seen my step dad once after they got back , but my mom had to turn around right away and go away for work . So , it was nice to see them . It was my step dad 's birthday weekend , so we had a bit of a special breakfast for him and he opened presents . After the birthday stuff , we had another memorial for Max . All five of us did some sharing about him our time with him . Davan was missing him and was kind of out of sorts after the memorial . I figure , though , that that just means she needs those opportunities to talk / process . Davan is going through a bit of a rough time . She 's more shy than even usual . She was all hunched up when we went to the first party on Saturday , which was with people Anthony works with . I haven 't seen her all hunched like that in quite a while , although she used to do it a lot . I think , in part , she must feel conflicted . She 's very glad he 's gone . . . but she misses him . . . but she didn 't want him in the house when he was here . . . but is he okay . . . but thank goodness we are not under the stress of Max . . . but , but , but . It 's a lot to deal with for a 10 year old little girl . Especially with hormones kicking in . . . . While she 's shown no body signs of puberty yet , she has started cycling with me . Which sucks because we 're both irritable at the same times of the month and we feed off of each other . We got almost all of Max 's stuff packed up . The only things left are a some clothing items that are still working their way through the laundry . Davan found a pair of his socks jammed into the springs of the trampoline just a couple of days ago , for example . It 's odd to have all of his stuff in Posted by Barbara and I touched base this morning . We have a schedule for a good - bye meeting . 2 : 00 on Tuesday the 29th at Kinship House ( where he has therapy ) . Anthony and I will meet with him first , then Davan will join us so she can say good - bye , too . Max will have been told by Barbara and A ( his therapist ) the day before . His case worker will come get him on Wednesday . I don 't know when , but she 'll come by and get his stuff from us that day , as well . I 've been working on some of his packing . I 've got most of his clothes packed and have been working on making sure I get all of his laundry done . There are still the toys to pack , but it won 't take long . It 's a sad process , though , and hard to spend too much time on it at once . I 'll have to decide which of his paper things ( school work , drawing and such ) to keep for him and which to recycle . We 've already set aside some . Some of his art work will stay on our wall in the toy room where we display anything the kids want to . Some , though , he 'll want , like a " Book of Me " he did in kindergarten before he moved in . I 'll want to have it all done before going to visit Chris next week , rather than having it hang over my head to do when I get back . The good - byes will be difficult . While he didn 't have what was a very healthy attachment to us , he did have an attachment . I don 't like being the cause of more suffering for him . It 'll be harder on Anthony and Davan than me , though , because they are both more conflicted about the disruption , I think . Neither wants him back , but both are doing some grieving . Meanwhile , I feel like I 'm coming down with a cold . Bummer . I 'm thinking of putting in some time in Max 's room and then laying down with a book for the afternoon . Maybe I 'll send Anthony out to pick up some take out , even . That sounds luxurious and lovely . I 'm feeling a bit of concern over finances this week . It 's not that we 're near to destitute or anything . It 's more that we were hoping to do a largish project like a deck or some sort of wood - type floors in the main part of the house ( thanks in large part to cats peeing where they should not - thanks , cats ) . But , money is just kind of drifting away . First , we had IRS troubles this year . We still got a refund , but they owed us more . They asked for a form that we seem to have forgotten to send in the first time . We sent it , but then they wrote again , saying that , because they hadn 't received the form , they were just going to make the refund as they figured it without said form . What the heck ? We 'd sent it in right away . So , we called them and said , " Hey ! We did send it ! " They said , " Well , we don 't have record of it . Send it again . " So we did . The latest is that they sent us a letter saying that the investigation into this matter is pending and we need not do anything more . Great . We 'd be happy to not do anything more if they 'd give us our money - a significant amount , or we wouldn 't be bothering with it all . Then there is the small matter of no longer being reimbursed for the expenses associated with Max 's adoption . When you adopt through the state , they pay your expenses . As the adoption did not finalize , no reimbursement for us . We went into this whole thing with the best of intentions , but we don 't begrudge this money . It 's just that it would have been nice to have . Next , still associated with Max , is his camps . We 'd signed him up for 5 different weeks of Skyhawks sports camps . So far , none of them have gone through . We did get refunds for those two camps , but there are three more . I called today to pull him out . They have a no refund policy , but they 'd be glad to credit my account . That does me basically no good , as they aren 't camps that Davan would do . Although , Davan did say that she 'd maybe do the baseball one if we couldn 't get a refund . Now I 'm hoping that the rest of the camps won 't go through , either , and Posted by I still have to say that I primarily feel relieved that Max isn 't here anymore . Whew . I do , however , wonder about him and hope he 's doing well . I 'd kind of like to call over to where he 's staying and see how he 's doing , but I 'm not sure it 's appropriate . Plus , well , if he 's doing badly , what good would it do to know that ? Still , I wonder . Has he found a way to play with the younger kids ? Is he doing something other than watching TV all day ? Has he convinced L ( the foster mom there ) that he doesn 't eat any fruits or veggies as it seemed like he was working on that first day ? Did she get him vanilla soy milk and is he drinking it ? Does that family do anything outside of the home that 's fun ? I want to know the results of the psychiatric evaluation that was done . They usually don 't come out for a while , but when they do , I want to know . Will I ? I don 't know . I 'll want to know how he 's doing with his new foster family in Eugene , too , but I don 't know if I 'll know that , either . I 'll want to know if he 's adopted and how that 's going . But . I 'm willing to give all that up for not having to be his mom anymore . Really and truly . No question . Even with the steeling of the panniers yesterday . Even with Anthony being kind of sad . Even with Davan being emotional . Even with all of that , our house is peaceful , while still being active . We 're all pretty nice to each other ( even though Anthony was kind of mad about the latest in bike stuff theft and I was kind of mad back at him for being mad at me ) . Every one helps out in accordance with their age , ability and time spent at home , which is all I ever wanted in respect to that . No one is violent . No one is looking to pick fights . No one is running away . No one is threatening to kill me . Everyone is happy to spend time with each other . Plus many other small things , that all add up to a greatly increased quality of life . The relief is huge . It was a year and a half of living the other way . I 'm very lucky to have my family and that we all love each other and get along ( most of the time , of Posted by Not all people suck . For instance , we had a very nice swim with our friend , Zoe , today . I like Davan and Anthony pretty well . You know . Most of the time . ( joking ) My mom and step dad are good people . We 've got lots of friends who are stand up sorts of folks . But some people still suck . I have not had the best luck with bikes and stuff on them staying where I put them , as long time readers will know . Our tandem bike was stolen from outside of Winco one day while my daughter and I were shopping for , literally , about 8 minutes . In addition to the bike being gone , our helmets , a bike light and various other attached items were gone , as well . On other occasions , I 've had numerous water bottles stolen , a couple of bike lights and . . . well , that might be it up until today , but it 's enough , no ? Today , at the library , Davan and I came out to find that our panniers had been stolen . Crap . In one of them was our bag of swim stuff ( we 'd just finished swimming with a friend ) - a suit each , two towels , shampoo , conditioner , body wash , hair gel , pony tail holders , deodorant , lotion , not to mention the bag it 's all in - and , in the other , our helmets , a spare lock ( which didn 't have a key with it , so that 's completely useless to the thief ) , and two water bottles , one of which was a Sig that Davan had purchased for herself . And there we were , with an arm load of books from the library with no good way to get them home . A police officer was walking back and forth , patrolling the front of the library . She was nice enough , but there wasn 't anything she could do . She did get a bag from the library for us , which made it possible to get our books home . I 'm fairly sure I know who did the deed , too . A man and woman came up on bikes just as we did . The man had a basket for his rack , which had their books in it . When we came out , the basket was laying there by the bike racks . I think they found something better . I 'm so angry . Why can 't people leave stuff alone that isn 't their 's ? Why do they want someone else 's water bottles ? Why couldn 't they have at least emptied them out before taking them ? There wasn 't anything in there that would be of value to them , but it 's important to us . People suck . Davan has taken the disruption in stride . She 's had some times where she 's cried and some times where she 's been just very matter of fact about it . We 've been working on keeping the lines of communication about it all open . I 've reassured her many times that she will never leave the family . I 've explained that Max has a sort of sickness that doesn 't let him attach properly to people and that is a big part of why he couldn 't live here with us . I 've explained that she could never get that sickness . She has soaked up the reassurances and been open with her feelings . Yesterday evening , though , she was teary . She couldn 't say why . She said she just felt very anxious . I gave some suggestions about what might be causing it . She 's not worried about having to leave the family . She doesn 't miss Max . She , is though , worried about Anthony 's and my stress . I don 't feel awfully stressed , though . I feel a lot less stressed than I did when Max was still here . She said that she feels like , because Anthony is sad about Max leaving , that he loves her less . I feel like , if that 's her concern , she probably is worried about us loving her and , at least subconsciously , is worried about being kicked out , as well . She was teary again this morning and a little overwhelming with deep eye gazing in a rather needy way . I know I need to be patient and reassuring with her . And I am . But , I 'll be glad when she and Anthony have worked through these strong initial feelings , although I know we 'll all be dealing with backlash for a long time to come . The main issue of the day seems to have been telling people . Of course , those who know us best already know . However , there are lots of people that we interact with who aren 't up on the whole story . First , though , before the telling people I took Max to his psychiatric evaluation this morning . Barbara was going to do it , but had a dentist appointment she 'd forgotten about . So , I picked him up from the foster family where he is staying and took him . Let me say here a few things about the foster family . A very nice seeming lady in maybe her 60s is the foster mom . There is no dad in the home . The other kids are two 2 year olds and a 4 year old . Max is not thrilled about being there . Although , he did get pizza for dinner last night and get to watch TV in a marathon from being dropped off yesterday until I picked him up this morning , minus sleeping time . I could wish for a better " resting " place for him , but I don 't get to say and another move probably isn 't in his best interest . I just hope that he says calm there for all their sakes . Max was his usual sort of self for going and testing . I think he 'll come out of this assessment with a RAD diagnosis of some level . Why ? I just got those vibes from the psychiatrist . Plus , A , his therapist , didn 't want him to go see this guy . She wanted him to see another guy . I 'm thinking this is because this guy diagnosis RAD , which she doesn 't like . I must say that I was so happy that I was able to just walk away , rather than take him back home . Barbara did come during the assessment and took him back to the foster family . I picked Davan up from Denny 's where she 'd been hanging out with my step dad and off we went , after a quick stop at home for lunch , to book group , where there were many people to tell . I sort of don 't want to , but people will eventually ask where he is . Although , for now , most would assume he 's in camp . But , getting it over with seemed best . Everyone reacted in an understanding and sympathetic manor . It took me a little by surprise , given stories I 've heard from other pPosted by It 's late and I wish I were sleeping , but , once again , there are too many thoughts running through my head . Max got picked up at 2 : 20 and we were pretty frazzled by then . Max chose to spend his last time here playing video games while the rest of us played card games . He was invited , but chose not to join in . It was hard . He was nervous about going , saying he wanted to stay here with Mom and Dad . He was somewhat resistant , but went without a huge fuss . It was hard to go through , though , especially for Anthony . We did have a little memorial type ceremony . I talked a lot . Anthony talked quite a bit . Davan talked a little . Davan cried some in the beginning , but Anthony surprised me by crying while we were all cuddling after . I 've only ever seen him cry one other time . After a while , we decided to go for a hike together , which was a good thing to do . Anthony had a hard time all day . He was thinking about Max , hoping he was okay , that he liked what was for dinner , that he 'd be able to sleep well tonight . He 's a good man . He feels badly , though , like he should have done more , been more patient , been super human . I was surprisingly okay most of the day , post Max leaving . However , come evening , I started to feel badly . I feel like we 've pawned our kid off on someone else . I still feel like it 's the right decision , but I 'm feeling guilt and a sense of responsibility . It 's odd to just not be responsible for this child anymore . A relief , but it goes against my sense of parenthood . Max was a champion button pusher and a champion at being unhappy . It 's okay that we were overwhelmed by him and unable to cope . But it doesn 't feel good . He 's still just a little boy , who is no more to blame for all of this than anyone else . That doesn 't mean that I 'm not grateful that we were able to stop the adoption and that we 'll have a more normal life with more normal problems , once we 've come through the other side . I wish him and us peace , safety and happiness . My stomach , that is . I had a hard time with breakfast and suspect a hard time will be had with lunch , as well . Lunch is fast approaching and then Barbara will be here to pick Max up . I hope she 's on time . I don 't know if everyone 's nerves can take her being late today . bottoms partially because they keep Anthony stayed home today . We got up and did chores ( except Max , who played video games and complained about Anthony not playing with him ) , got Max almost all packed up ( out of the pile of clothes he made on the floor from emptying out his dresser last night ) , ate breakfast , went to Target to fill his prescription , pick up some pj bottoms for him ( he 's short on summer pjs mostly because they keep disappearing - go figure - but we didn 't want to send him without and look worse than we already will for sending him in the first place ) and give him a chance to spend more of his birthday money . Once back home , Anthony and Max built the Lego kit that was purchased and are now playing video games . Max seems to be his more or less usual self - sometimes angry , sometimes pestering , sometimes anxious to go to his " take a break " home , sometimes seeing what he can get away with and sometimes saying things like , " You 're the best dad ever ! " Max does say this sort of thing , when he 's happy with us , i . e . Anthony is going to play a video game with him or I announce that we 're eating out . He 's usually very extreme in his emotions - he either thinks we 're the best or the worst . It 's hard to hear today , though . Anthony told me he thinks he will cry . I don 't know if I will . Maybe . Probably . We are going to have a ceremony of some sort after Max leaves today . Sort of a memorial for the three of us . I 'm thinking of having another this weekend for us plus my parents . And perhaps a third later this evening for just Anthony and I . I 'm sure it 'll come as no surprise to anyone that I 'm having trouble sleeping tonight . I imagine it won 't be my last sleepless night , either , but it 's been a long time since I 've really slept well . Last night , at the Girl Scout sleep away , was no exception , of course . So , I 'm really tired . But , I keep thinking about tomorrow . And the next day . And all week . I 'm thinking about the best thing to do after Max goes tomorrow afternoon . I 'm thinking a little ceremony between Anthony , Davan and I might be the best thing . A little remembrance of our time , giving permission to talk about the good and the bad and the in - between , a way to be together . I 'm also thinking about just a simple way to be together - a short and easy hike , maybe ? I don 't know , but it doesn 't feel right to just leave it to chance or to all go our separate ways as if it 's a normal day . Not that we all go our separate ways on normal days , either , at least not all the time , but still . But still . I did find out on Friday what the final plan was for Max moving . However , there are still some details that will be worked out this week . Barbara was able , after all , to find a place for Max to go temporarily , without us having to pay $ 50 / day for respite . He is going Monday - tomorrow - afternoon . Anthony is coming home early and having lunch with us and to be here when Max goes . The plan was for us to tell him that , because things have been so difficult for us as a family , we 're going to take a break for a little while . We did just tell him that . We explained that it wasn 't because he was bad or stupid ( both things he says about himself ) , but because we were having troubles being safe and happy as a family . He took it . . . interestingly . He says he doesn 't want to go , but almost seemed more excited about having " chicken " nuggets and tator tots for lunch tomorrow than upset about going . He kind of whined a bit and looked like he was trying to work himself up to crying , but it just wasn 't coming . I think he 's mostly nervous about going to a new family that he hasn 't met before . He mentioned two other families we know , saying he 'd want to go to one , but not to the other . He then went to brush his teeth and Anthony is reading to him . He cried a bit because we told him that he could either have a light on or a book on tape ( neither of which he 's had for over a month now at bedtime ) , but not both because there is only one plug . He chose a book on tape . It is still light out , after all . I feel . . . I don 't know . I was really worried about telling him , but it went as well as could be expected . Next , he 'll have his evaluation on Tuesday , which Barbara will take him to . I 'll be there , as well , because they need me to do some forms , which is standard for children doing physiological evaluations . Sometime after that - Tuesday afternoon , Wednesday , I don 't know for sure - his therapist , A , and Barbara will tell him that he isn 't going to come back here . The day after that , we 'll have a good bye meeting with him . At some point , Davan wiPosted by I talked to Barbara and expressed my concerns about the whole respite deal . She had new news which did effect how I felt about respite . Max 's case worker has found a foster family for him . She found one that would be ready in about a week and another , that is , apparently , going to happen , early next week . So , the respite ( and our being still the responsible party ) would be quite limited . We were willing to do this . So , we called up the respite family who told us it would be $ 50 a day , starting with today when he 'd be dropped off around 7 : 00pm . Yeah . That 's a little out of our budget , which is already strained due to camp and such . We called Barbara back and said , " We 're happy to do this if you come up with the funds . " She did not think that was feasible . Whatever . This was sort of crushing because I thought we were going to be all done today . And now we won 't be . However , it does look like Max will move on early next week . And why ? Because his case worker picked up the ball and ran with it while Barbara was still standing around , not making things happen . So , Max will be here with Anthony over the weekend , playing lots of video games . Then , either Monday or Tuesday morning , I 'm still taking him to be evaluated . Then he leaves . Directly from here to foster care . Or , at least , that 's the plan of the moment . How will that look ? I have no idea . Barbara seems to think it 'll by her , Max 's case worker and us telling Max here at our house , after which Max 's case worker will take Max back to Lane County and settle him in with his new foster family . I 'm wondering . . . how will we pack him up without his knowing ? How will his case worker get his stuff down there ? He has a bike , for one . It 's not going to fit into a car with him and the rest of his stuff . There are lots of unanswered questions at this point , including exactly what early next week means . As I was driving Davan home from gymnastics today , I was thinking about how I hadn 't posted about anything other than the disruption , really . I did talk about Chris ' visit some , but mostly in the context of the disruption . Then I came home to the message from Barbara and , again , posted about the disruption . Davan is doing well in gymnastics . She looks forward to going again , doesn 't get worked up if I 'm going to drop her off and feels like she is mostly doing well . And she is - especially on bars . She 's almost kipping , which is amazing for a new level 4 . She and I are going on a Girl Scout trip to the beach this weekend . I 'm looking forward to it ! Well , mostly , when I 'm not worked up about the logistics of the disruption , but there I am again , talking about IT . The moms and girls that are going are all great people and it 'll be fun . I still have to pack , but as it 's only for one night , that should not be a problem to get done . Although , I do have some food to pack , also , and that might need a little thought . Anthony has been riding up a storm on his bike . He rode four hours today . Okay , so it was only supposed to be about three , but he got lost . Still , he 's logging some amazing miles and it makes me think I need to have more agressive exercise goals . I want to be in shape , too ! Our cats are wandering around , doing cat like things such as eating , puking , howling , snuggling , constantly wanting in and out . You know . Life . It 's still going on . Now I 'm even more aggravated . Barbara called and left a message , saying that she has a plan in place . What 's the plan ? For us to pay for respite care . We have to call the respite family and negotiate with them for respite care . WTF ? ! ? ! ? ! He 's supposed to be going to a foster care family ! Even when the plan was " respite " that was just a polite name for a temporary foster care placement . That 's what we decided at the meeting . This is not a temporary respite from our family . This is him moving on . How long are we supposed to be paying for respite ! ? ! ? ! ? ! How long will he still really be our responsibility ! ? ! ? ! ? ! I 'm so angry and upset . As we never finalized , I could just dump him on their doorstep , but instead , I 'm suppose to now organize respite care for him ! ? ! ? ! ? ! ? ! ? I feel like calling her back and saying , " Just come get him . We 're done . " But , that 's not in his best interests . However , if there is much more of this BS , we might have to do that . Give them a kick in the pants to get things going . Because it 's not in his best interests to stay here , either . We 're having more Barbara moments . Arg ! That woman drives me absolutely nuts ! This morning , she calls and asks if we can get him to a psychological evaluation either on Monday or Tuesday morning . Yes , but what about a placement for him ? Tuesday is two weeks from when we had our meeting and two weeks was how long they were thinking he 'd be in respite care so a foster family could be found . She 's done nothing - NOTHING ! - to find him a foster family . She wanted to wait for the results of the evaluation to know what we 're dealing with here . So he was supposed to just hang out in respite for months while the appointment was made and the results came back ? ! ? ! ? ! Really ! ? ! ? ! ? Well , he can 't hang out here that long . It just won 't work . We 're all pretty done here . Things are escalating - the basketball attack , for example - and we 're in a " we 're done " mind set . Things here aren 't pretty . In addition , we 're spending $ 175 every week he 's here for camp and after care . We were willing to do all this because we thought we were buying him time to move directly to a foster family instead of having to go through respite first . But , apparently nothing has been done to make that happen . So , now , we 're talking respite anyway . Barbara was even saying he needed to go to Lane County - his county of origin - which we 'd discussed at the meeting and it was decided that they 'd see about getting him into foster care locally so he could keep working with A , his therapist . Now , I don 't know if that 's best for him . Maybe he should go to Lane County . His half sister is down there , for one . For another , I don 't know that continuing to work with A is in his best interests . However , it was what was decided at the meeting and Barbara didn 't remember that until I reminded her . She said that it was very emotional at the meeting and she 's not surprised that different people came out of it with different ideas about what would happen next . I 'm pretty sure she 's the only one with different ideas . I 'm willing to bet that the rest of us understood just fine . Posted by As of this morning , I had decided to even drop the simple morning chores that Max has in an effort to reduce friction and stress . After all , the long run doesn 't matter anymore . Even so , we had a very rough morning . Max was looking for arguments and control battles all morning . He started with , " I 'm really dry , still ! " He 'd lotioned last night when he got home from camp and again after his shower . I said , " Okay . I 'll get your lotion for you and you can lotion before you put your clothes on . " I came back in the room and he had his shorts on already . I said , " Hey , you were going to lotion because you 're dry , remember ? " " I 'm not going to lotion ! I 'm not dry ! I won 't do it ! " And , yeah , I probably should have left it at that and not had him lotion . However , he 's been so , so dry and it 's not healthy looking . And he did look ashy in places this morning still . So I told him he needed to do it . Instead , he took off his pj top and put on his shirt for the day , then stood there , looking at me defiantly . And , yeah . The battle lines were drawn . I went over to help him out of his shirt to lotion and he refused to co - operate , so I backed off to do other things . He went to eat breakfast and I said , " First the lotion . " Screaming . Throwing things . Told me , " You 're not the right mom for me ! " I then did help him out of his shirt , which he didn 't like , but put up with , lotioned him up and went back to my business . He got his shirt back on , then threatened to throw the banana I 'd put out for him to start breakfast with . When I totally ignored that , he ate it . He calmed down while eating breakfast and I asked him about the not the right mom comment . He said he hadn 't heard it anywhere , that he 'd just thought it . Interesting . He also , though , said that it wasn 't true and that he just can 't control himself when he is angry . He didn 't like his cereal because the almond milk wasn 't cold enough . So , I said he could dump it in the sink if he liked . He did , but put it in the wrong side . Innocent mistake ? Not on your life . Then there was a whole issue Posted by Barbara came over after dinner this evening . Well , it turned out to be after dinner , hair cut and shower , as well . Max had a great evening . The only troublesome dinner behaviors were attempts to monopolize the conversation and some table pounding . Hair cut and shower went pretty well , even though he had to shower a second time due to not getting the hair from the haircut off of himself the first time . He finished putting on pjs just as Barbara showed up . While Barbara was here , he showed her some art work he 'd done at camp the week before last , then he and Davan played for a while ( that hasn 't been happening lately at all ! ) . He ate a piece of watermelon , brushed his teeth and lotioned his hair . All without complaining or fit throwing or attempts to go out the window or threats . Then he played video games for about 10 minutes before it was bed time . If all our evenings were like that , or even most of them , we wouldn 't be disrupting . I told Anthony that it makes us look like freaks . But , oh well . Does it really matter if we look like freaks ? It 'll all be over soon . I hope . Barbara thought that Max was with Stephanie 's family . This is how kids get lost in the system , perhaps . . . She 'd totally spaced out that we 'd decided ( together ) that he wasn 't going there because , two reasons , 1 - they can 't have him there over this weekend or next , so he 'd have to move about for those weekends , 2 - if he stays here , that minimizes the moves . So , finding him a foster family is now back at the top of her to - do list . And she wants to see Max this afternoon because she never did see him last month due to things like not trying to schedule it until the last minute and running into his birthday and then the day he tried to run away for the second time . Well . Our part in this drama will be drawing to a close . I hope soon . It 'd actually be great for him to be settled over the weekend . Although , it 'll need to happen before Davan and I leave or that would be really weird , I think . So , maybe early next week if the ball isn 't rolling soon here . Arg ! For long time readers , you will remember how difficult it was to get things done with Barbara during the homestudy / looking for kids portion of the adoption proceedings . Well , now , we 're getting to deal with her again . I don 't know how this woman makes it through the day . Honestly . She 's a very nice lady , although a little hard to get a read on sometimes , but she just doesn 't track information information from one discussion to the next . Nor do her notes make sense to her most of the time , if she 's taken them . Last week , she and I discussed and decided that Max would stay with us for these two weeks - ish , giving them time to find a foster family where Max can stay . This way , he doesn 't have to be moved around any more than necessary . However , I hadn 't heard from Barbara at all this week , so I called and left a message this morning to see where things are . She called back and left a message talking about getting evaluations set up for Max and various things , then says , " And I wanted to know how Max is doing with ( Stephanie 's family ) and how you all are doing . " Ummm . Yeah . Max is here , remember ? So , I called back and left a message saying , " As we decided last week , Max is here until you can find him a foster family where he can stay while a new adoptive family is recruited . So , we 're wondering how that process is going . We 're trying to give everyone lots of breaks . Max spent the night with ( Stephanie 's family ) Saturday and he 's in day camp all week this week , but we 're still encountering issues , including Max threatening to go out the window after bedtime , which is concerning . " I also told her that with my previously planned trip coming up at the end of the month , we would like to see Max settled by then . So , we 'll see . But , it 's very aggravating that here we are , dealing with Barbara again , and this time for such an unhappy purpose with a real need for it all to be done . My best friend , Chris , was here for a long weekend . We , as we always do , had a great visit . In spite of everything that is going on . We played a lot of Canasta , went on a lot of walks , ate more junk than we maybe should have , also ate lots of salads , talked and laughed a lot . She left early this morning and I miss her . I won 't miss her for too long , though , as our next scheduled visit is two weeks from today . This is because she 's in Colorado , at her parents ' house right now , for house sitting purposes . We planned two trips close together to take advantage of the shorter and cheaper flights that being in Colorado provide , rather than all the way in Pittsburgh . The upcoming trip provides a deadline of sorts for getting Max settled . When I leave on the trip , it 'll be just over three weeks after our meeting , where it was guessed that two weeks would be enough to find a transitional foster home for Max . By transitional foster home , I mean where he 'll transition from our house to a new adoptive house . At least , that is the plan . However , if they don 't find a good place for him by then , they may have to find a temporary place , as was the original plan before we said he could / should stay here for those couple of weeks while they find a new place . Anyway , we do want there to be a definite end in sight . Things aren 't pretty . It 's not that were pretty before , either , but now that we 've decided , we are rather ready to be done . We 've had some more rough times . Max spent the night Saturday night with Stephanie and family again , which provided a break for all . He is in camp , complete with after camp care , this week , so that he doesn 't come home until Anthony does . This is not an overly cheap option , though , camp with after care , so while we 'll do it this week and next , if necessary , it 's not how we 'd be raising our own child . Even with all of this , we 're having rough times . Max and Anthony had a go at it at bed time last night with Max saying he didn 't want to be in bed , even though he got in bed a half an hour later than he shoulPosted by So far , we 've had a chocolate chip pancake breakfast and taken to the kids to slide and jump on some blow up things at one of the local fireworks stands . And , of course , we 've had complaining , fit throwing , screaming and pouting , even though there were no chores this morning due to the holiday and Max did get to get in some video game time in addition to the above mentioned activities . My best friend comes in this evening and I 'm so excited to see her ! Even with everything else going on and even if I 'm stressed all weekend about what 's happening with Max , we 'll have a good visit and my stress levels will go down because she 's around , not up because of having company . This is why we didn 't cancel . I 'm so looking forward to picking her up ! When Chris and I get back from the airport , we 'll do some inexpensive ( I don 't believe in spending much on them ) but pleantyful fireworks in front of the house . The kids will have a late night and , hopefully , will sleep in tomorrow . We all , except Anthony who went on an early morning 50 mile bike ride , slept in this morning , which was good with the late night coming up . We have come up with a rough game plan for the upcoming week for Max . He 'll be here for fireworks tonight and breakfast with the family tomorrow . Then he 's probably going to spend the night with friends tomorrow night . He wants to do the spending the night thing , even though he also says he feels like we 're sending him away because he 's bad . Frankly , because of his self esteem issues , I think he 'd think that anyway . He thinks we 're letting him play video games more because we don 't want to spend time with him because we don 't like him . That 's the first thing that comes into his mind , rather than , " Hey ! Great ! I get to play video games ! " We tried to talk it out with him this morning , but it didn 't go well and we finally gave up , after which he became clingy , where , while we were trying to connect with him , he was trying to get away from us . Yeah . I know that going to school for him , even , was a double edged sword . AftePosted by First off , let me say that we are firm in our decision . We are definitely not Max 's growing up family , as sad as that is for all involved . However . As I started thinking more about him going to another house for two weeks ( and possibly having to break that up even further into weekend respite , causing yet another move ) , I started realizing how counter - intuitive that plan in . Is yet another move really in his best interests ? This is his therapist 's brain child . And I can kind of see her point . It would give him some cooling off time if he was comfortable there , before we had a final good - bye . However . I can 't help but think that it 'll all feel the same to him and feel like people were lying to him . So , from his perspective , the move would still be pretty close to his birthday , which was also one of the goals . So , here we are . He needs a new home . He needs a skilled foster home to help him make a new start before moving on to adoption . A , his therapist , is advocating an additional move . We think he should stay here until the foster family is found . Well , more or less here . We 'll be counting on help from friends to see that he and we get regular breaks to help keep the tensions down . And it looks like it 'll be our plan that will happen , but we 'll also be picking up early next week with the planning , so things are subject to change . I spoke with Barbara this afternoon for something like the 7th time today and came away feeling aggravated and frustrated . She said that A told her that , at his therapy appointment today , Max was very down on himself . He kept saying that he is stupid and that his birth mom doesn 't still have him because she hates him . Well , yeah . He 's been telling us that all along . We 've tried to clear that up , but to no avail , apparently . We 've told them repeatedly that he has self esteem issues . A has told me that the reason I don 't like him is because he doesn 't like himself and it 's very difficult to like someone who doesn 't like themselves . So , this is a known problem . It 's not new , folks ! And , yet , A iPosted by A told us all yesterday that she 's never actually worked with a family that has disrupted before . As that is the case , I want to know why she told us a year ago ( when we first brought up the topic of disruption ) , that , while it seems like it will be a relief , most families process it as the death of a child . That could be true still , but it 's certainly not from the experience of working with said families that she developed that opinion , as she 'd implied . Also , never having worked with a family that has disrupted before , it seems pretty harsh to say that disrupting would ruin Max , causing him to never again be able to trust another mom . That 's not to say that the next family won 't have their work cut out for them , but , still . It 's pretty harsh for not having any personal experience . I 've had the option shared with me that it might be because she 's feeling like she failed by not taking the issues I brought up seriously enough , that she 's so mad at us . Could be . Again , though , I 'm not saying that this will be easy for Max . It 'll be really awful . I keep imagining his little face when I tell him goodbye . I remember his face the day that I we talked about why his foster mom wasn 't his mom anymore . It 'll be like that . I think . It wasn 't a happy talk . However , I still believe that not only will he have a better chance than if he stayed with us ( which isn 't to say that his chances of meaningful attachment are high ) , but that the rest of us would go down with him , in some respects , if he stayed . It was not an overly fun day . Max had a rough morning . We had an appointment with the person who prescribes his medicine , which meant that we got to see his therapist , too . It was a good time for me . Judgment hung heavy in the air . It 's only my guilt that makes me feel judged , I know , but the guilt is there because I 'd wanted to adopt and really have it be forever . That doesn 't mean that I don 't think we should disrupt . What I wanted doesn 't really matter anymore . What matters is what 's the best thing to do from here . His therapist and I don 't agree on that . There was swimming , which was good . A little exercise never harms anyone , especially when stressed . Max had time to spend with an adult friend ( the afore mentioned Stephanie ) who gave him lots of attention , which he needs . What happens next is still up in the air , but there are plans afoot . Foster families being called , people making decisions . It 's still unclear when Max will leave our home for sure , though . We 're having a morning . No swim lessons for Max this morning . He peed all over the toilet seat , refused to clean it up and chose to not participate in morning chores . I choose , therefore , not to make him breakfast ( he was able to get his own , so this isn 't a no food thing , just a no smoothie thing ) or to take him to swimming . And I was willing to take it easy on him this morning , too . He just woke up angry and pushed a lot . Not uncommon . Max 's therapist , A , stayed after to talk to the case workers , supposedly to share some names of foster families she works with that she felt would do well for a temporary placement for Max . However , the more I think about it , the more I think it was really to talk to them about us without us there . Fine . It doesn 't really matter at this point . But , I still think that was part of it . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - At today 's meeting , A asked about Davan - what she knows and how she 's handling it . I said we 'd told her what was going on and said she was sad , worried about Max , relieved and all mixed up about it , but doing okay . A said that Davan would need therapy . Now , we 've considered this . Anthony and I have talked about doing some family therapy once Max is moved on . We will if we think it 's necessary . The kind of odd thing about A telling us this , though , is that Davan and I did a couple of session with her when Davan was having a hard time with the adoption and living with Max . A basically told me that with Davan 's verbal skills and willingness to talk to me , she didn 't need a therapist . She does a fine job of processing with me . But now because we 've chosen to disrupt with Max , suddenly I 'm not a good parent / therapist for Davan anymore ? Interesting . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - As long as I 'm ranting about A , I 'd been thinking for a few months now that we maybe needed to try a different therapist anyway . There is a RAD specialist not far from us and , as we were discussing our options , I told Anthony that we needed to go see this RAD specialist if we were not going to disrupt because I wasn 't sure Max was getting what he / we needed from A . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Our case worker , Barbara , had talked with us before about joining an adoptive support group , which we had been interested in , but being such introverts and the support group not being at all convenient to us , we just never did jump into it . Although , I do belong to an on - line support group for adoption . Now it 's two , actually . One for harder kids like Max specifically , including peoplePosted by Well . We met . It went okay . Both social workers were very supportive of us and both indicated that they thought we 'd done our best and put in a lot of hard work and stuck by him for a long time . Max 's therapist , though . . . well , she thinks we 're dooming him by disrupting . What I don 't think she gets , though , is that we feel like we 'd be dooming both him and us by him staying because we just haven 't bonded to him . We don 't have the capacity to help a person heal that we just don 't like . In fact , the more I think about the meeting , the more I think Alison was saying that his escalating behaviors of recent are my fault . He 's picking up on my ambivalent feelings and trying ( unconsciously ) to push the matter . Possibly , but as I can 't seem to get over feeling ambivalent about him being our son , that 's yet another reason for him to be in a new family . I 've been feeling ambivalent sense day 1 . Maybe that 's why he 's done so poorly here . That 's a cheery though . It really is all my fault . Anyway , the plan is to find him a temporary placement as soon as possible that would last a couple of weeks ( possibly longer - until an adoptive family is found - depending on the placement ) . We 'll tell him that we know that adoption is hard . ( This is a phrase he 's using with his therapist lately , who has been seeing him alone . ) It 's hard for everyone . So , we 're going to take a break and let everyone relax a little . It 's not anything he 's done . He 's not in trouble . We 're not mad at him . We just all need a break . Then , after those couple of weeks ( which will be used to find him a skilled foster home ) , we 'll have a good - bye meeting between him and us with his therapist and our case worker - possibly his as well . That 'll be it . Our time with Max is drawing quickly to a close . I am still feeling like we 've made the right choice . My anxiety is actually down post - meeting . I am sad for Max , but also hopeful . I 'm sad for our adoption dreams , but relieved to be putting this very difficult chapter of life behind us . I 'm a little concerned about how Davan Posted by |
Yesterday we had a guy show up at our gate asking about the house across the street , it 's vacant now . I used to have the woman 's phone number but couldn 't find it anymore . There is another house down the street that is vacant also and is a little bigger . It took us a while , talking with our neighbor , and a few phone calls , but we finally got the number for the house down the road . It 's a small Tico style house with two bedrooms and a big kitchen , going for 60 , 000 colones a month . The house across the street , we finally found out is no longer being rented but they want to sell it for 15 million colones ; I wouldn 't give you 5 million for it . It 's in really rough shape . We bought our house just four years ago and only paid 15 million for ours and we have three bedrooms . I wonder what our house would go for now with all the work we have done to it ? The house across the street was being rented for 45 , 000 colones per month , the guy told us that the same house in San Jose would go for around 150 , 000 ; I about fell out of my hammock . Anyways , about the guy . He had been in our town for about three days and working in the pineapple fields , which is really hard work . His family lives in San Jose and he is trying to get them out of there and bring them up here . He said his neighborhood is very dangerous and wants them to be safe . He is only 21 and has three kids , he started early . But I can tell you that he does want to provide for his family , so much so that he resorted to sleeping on the streets just so he could work up here . He said he couldn 't find a job where he lives . Everything he has made he has sent back to his family in the city . He was here for a while , we made him a sandwich and had some coffee . ( We didn 't let him in the house though . ) He was very polite and I really felt sorry for him . My husband did take him to town to write down numbers off the signs for other houses to rent , and we let him charge his cell phone here . I guess today he is working . I just hope that everything works out for him and his family . We headed over to a friends house after that , I had some things that I needed to return . Turns out that one of our friends had broken several toes and another bone in his foot . Poor guy is on crutches now . Today we took him over my crutches to use because they are much lighter than the wood ones . We let them know that if they need to go anywhere to just call us , he is the only one with a license in the family and he can 't drive now . Friday , my cleaning lady never showed up . We waited and waited . This was very unusual for her , she always let me know if she wasn 't going to make it before . Turns out she was babysitting for her neighbors . So she showed up Saturday but I had an appointment for another ultrasound for my thyroid . I told her not to worry about it . I went for my ultrasound at another clinic I found that was a lot closer to where I live and a lot cheaper . I had been noticing what felt like another lump in my thyroid , but this time on the right side . Turns out I was right , I now have another tumor in it . This makes three now . But they are all still pretty small , just bothersome . If I talk a lot my voice starts to go hoarse . One of my friends was joking with me today and said that makes me the perfect woman . I couldn 't help but laugh and I know that he was only kidding with me . After all , I had been picking on him for breaking his toes playing soccer . He is like a brother to me . As for the area I live in , Sarapiqui , it has been extremely hot here these past few weeks . It has been getting into the upper 90 's , which is unusual for here . Even the locals are in disbelief at how hot it 's been . We haven 't been getting the rain like we normally do this time of year either . It 's made it difficult to cook or bake anything in the house as we don 't have A / C . When it does rain I may just run outside and dance in it . The little beach areas at the river have been packed on the weekends with everyone trying to cool off . I looked at it today and was very tempted to go home , put on some swimming clothes and jump in . I haven 't been down there in a while . I really feel sorry for my cats and dogs though , it 's almost impossible for them to cool off . I did start painting again , but now I am out of canvas . I did a geometric design in oil and an abstract in acrylic . Looks like I will have to keep painting in acrylic because I can 't find oils where I live . Acrylic is easy to clean up though too , plus you don 't get the smell from the oil or the paint thinner . Would like to sell them to help cover the costs of a few things . ( Like saving up for surgery . ) In order to keep painting though I will need to take another drive to Guapiles , which is about an hour away , to get more canvas . It 's a heck of a lot cheaper there compared to what I found here . I can get it for 1 , 000 in Guapiles and around here it 's over 3 , 500 for the exact same size . Well , that 's what 's been going on in my little corner of Costa Rica . Not much really . We have been to a couple of get - togethers with friends and met some more wonderful people . It 's very relaxing here and I have started reading another John Grisham novel . We are trying not to do a whole lot because we don 't know how much my surgery will be , we will be self paying for it . Until Mañana , Pura Vida ! Well I finally went and saw an endocrinologist today . He was a very nice doctor at Hospital Clinica Biblica . He went over everything with me and spoke really good English . He was really surprised that my public doctor wanted me to have the biopsy done with how small the tumor is , but he stated that it was a very good thing that she had me do it . There are some cells in the biopsy that are very questionable at this point . Basically , it is a 50 / 50 chance that it could still be cancerous . He knows the doctor very well that did the lab work for the biopsy and was surprised to see him even give the recommendation to have it surgically biopsied . He said this is very unusual at this stage . He doesn 't want to jump right in and do surgery on me ; especially with how many I have had done already . I went over my surgeries with him and I thought he was going to fall out of his chair as I went down the list . Three eye surgeries , Tonsils and adenoids ; plus a cyst that was found , Wisdom teeth , gall bladder , appendix , bilateral lipomas four times , sinus surgery three times , plus countless removals of cysts . I think I am trying to see what all I can live without . And that is not even the complete list of stuff done . So , I have a list of blood work that needs to get done . I will be having that done through the public system as it doesn 't take too long to get the appointment and get the results back . Then next month my specialist wants me to have the ultrasound done again . He said I can e - mail him all the test results and if I have any questions I can e - mail him anytime . My next appointment with him is in June , if all the test results are fine . If things change I will probably be going to see him sooner . He has ordered me to relax , no exceptions ! He said if it is cancerous I still don 't need to worry because it is easily treatable . I know that it is , but it still makes me worry . The doctor spent a very long time with me today and made sure that I understood everything . Total cost of today 's appointment , with no insurance , was under $ 100 and this was at one of the best hospitals in the country . He didn 't order any unnecessary tests , or prescribe any unnecessary medication . He is taking it one step at a time to make sure that surgery is the last option . I like this . Yesterday my husband and I had our wedding here in Costa Rica . It was amazing . We never had a wedding before , we went to Las Vegas and got married . We took turns driving from Cincinnati and drove straight through ; it was 2 , 000 miles and took 30 hours . We drove there and back . I figure if we can spend a total of 60 hours in a vehicle together and not want to kill each other , then we were made for one another . I tried planning a wedding back then , but it wasn 't going very well . I had called up my father to ask him to walk me down the aisle and he said , " Why don 't you just go to the justice of the peace and get married ? " Needless to say I was pretty heartbroken . So , we ended up in Las Vegas . That was 11 years ago . Now , with the new law here in Costa Rica you have to produce a new , notarized , apostiled , and translated marriage certificate that is not more than 30 days old when you go to renew your carnet . My husband and I live in a pretty small town of around 8 , 000 people . We got our new residency cards last month , it took us a full 30 days for them to come in . Then we went to renew our carnets , we did not have the marriage certificate , but they didn 't even ask for it . I am not sure if it just because they know us or what . But it never came up and we weren 't going to bring it up . But we still had our wedding and got remarried . It was a beautiful day yesterday , even though it was really hot and humid ; at least it didn 't rain ! We only had about 20 people there , which was perfect for us . We had traditional Costa Rican food that was all homemade by our friends . I did buy a beautiful three tier cake though , which was quit difficult to get it to the wedding . We held the wedding at one of our friends houses , they live on a big property not far from our house . ( We actually used to rent one of the houses on the property . ) My friend asked me a few days before the wedding about decorations . I told her that it wasn 't important to me , just having our friends there is what really mattered . I did buy some balloons though to have put out so people could find the place . When we got there they had the place looking so beautiful for us . They got a tent for outside , put fresh flowers up everywhere , got tables with really nice tablecloths , and had flowers on those too . I was so overwhelmed . I just wasn 't expecting all of that , I got teary eyed . I got to finally toss the bouquet , I always wanted to . My husband and I had our dance , Phil Collins - Groovy kind of love . There wasn 't any rum left over . These people here have become my family . It was a beautiful day with beautiful people and I don 't think I could have been happier . I was so nervous beforehand . But it was very relaxing and really stress free . Everyone was smiling , laughing , and having a great time . I 'm glad we had a wedding here with close friends . I couldn 't have asked for a better day . Until mañana , Pura vida ! When we moved here almost five years ago we rented a fully furnished house , if you could call it that . We stayed in that house for three months and came to realize that the person we were renting from was pretty much crazy . She was also a control freak . Our house and her house were on the same property and she was not taking care of the property like she said she would in the contract . The only things we brought with us were clothes , a few personal items , and two cats . We had absolutely no furniture . But we had to get out of that house and away from her . We met a nice lady from Germany who had property about a 30 minute drive from where we originally at . There were a total of three houses on the property ; her 's , a nice Tico family who cared for the property , and another house . We decided to go and have a look at the house . It was a cute house , kind of in the jungle and very peaceful . There were a couple of tables in the house that we could use , a couple of stools , and a couple of office chairs with the backs missing . We had also bought two plastic chairs at a supermarket one day and took them to the new house . We pretty much had nothing . No plates , silverware , stove , cookware , bed , glasses , or anything else . There was another nice family that we had met while living in the first house ; they were from South Africa . They loaned us so many things and gave us a lot of stuff . They gave us plates , silverware , a couple of cooking pots , a small folding table , and a mattress ; they also loaned us a washing machine . One thing that we were definitely missing was a refrigerator . We went three months without one . We borrowed a cooler and traded out ice bottles with the Tico family living next to us . Everyday I would go over there and exchange the bottles and they would let me keep meat in the freezer until I needed it . This family has become like family to us . It was kind of sad when we moved out and bought a house of our own . But we still see them often , this is actually where we are having our wedding at . My neighbor across the street was gone for many months taking care of her sister . She would come back and bring stuff back to the house but would never stay . During the time that she was gone her utilities got shut off . I am not sure if it was just because she could not pay them with where she was at or what . Her sister passed away last week and she has been here ever since with her brother . She came over the other day asking if she could get a few big rocks out of our yard . ( We had plenty left over from the fence building we just got done . ) Turns out she is using the rocks for a fire pit in her back yard to do some cooking on . But I thought about it for a minute and realized that she had no way to keep anything cold . My husband and I had bought a cooler not that long ago , we hadn 't even used it yet . So we decided to ask her if she wanted to borrow it . I already had a bottle of ice in the freezer , I always keep one there in case the power goes out . She was so happy with the cooler and ice . Yesterday when I took a new bottle over she gave me a t - shirt for my husband , it 's really awesome . We definitely weren 't expecting anything in return , after all someone had done this for us . Then later last night she brought over some ice cream and a fresh pineapple thanking us again . It 's so sweet . I did tell her that someone had done this for us before and I know how it is . We charged up a couple of flashlights for her also . I just feel this is how neighbors should treat each other . With respect and helping each other out in a time of need . We have some really good people in our neighborhood , all Ticos except us . I love the small town feel and how good people are to each other here . Kind of like when I had my surgery , my other neighbor brought me over something to eat everyday for a week . That is usually something reserved for family . I love it here and don 't want to be anywhere else . Until mañana , Pura Vida ! I got the results yesterday , it 's good new but not great news . It 's NOT cancer ! That is such a relief . But I did sit down and talk to one of the doctors at the clinic about the results . There is some stuff still going on with the tumor and it is causing problems for me . He is thinking that it is causing some hyperthyroidism and I need treatment for that and then I need to have the tumor removed completely and biopsied again . I really do not want another surgery but it seems I don 't have a choice in this . The doctor wanted to me to go and see my regular doctor , but we were about an hour away from home and it was getting late . It was a really long day yesterday , and it 's already been a long one today . We had dropped the car off for a radiator flush and then went to see if our new cedula cards had come in . After waiting a month we finally had them ! This is the longest it has ever taken . The radiator flush ended up only costing us under $ 24 , way cheap for that . Then we went to Pequeño Mundo to return a couple of shirts , and of course I picked up some more dark chocolate espresso bars . After that we stopped by the clinic and got the test results . I am still not sure how I am feeling about it . I know I should be happy that it 's not cancer , but I just still feel down about everything . Maybe it 's because of having to face another surgery . I hate having my neck touched , and to think of someone having to cut into it just freaks me out . Then on the way home we get a flat . We just bought these tires in December . But something definitely cut the tire causing it . So we pull over , my husband and I get out and he starts getting everything out of the trunk . He pulls out the spare tire … that one is flat too . This is not fun . I started calling some people , but they are either not close by or didn 't answer . About then is when someone pulled over to help . We loaded both tires in the trunk and I rode with him to get air in the spare and to see about patching the other one . I got that done and it only cost $ 8 , I bought the guy who stopped a small soda and asked him how much for the ride there and back , $ 6 . Not bad , I will take that . We finally get the spare on , we decided we didn 't feel safe with the patched tire , and we finally made it home . I got up early this morning to go and see my regular doctor . I didn 't even think about this being Holy Week . Everyone in the town is trying to get in before the clinic closes on Thursday and Friday . There were no more appointments left for today . This is actually the first time this has happened to me . So , I will get up earlier tomorrow and see about getting one . ( Thursday , I am sleeping in ! ) We went and picked up some more materials for our fence that we are building and then went and got a new tire . Turns out when we got the flat we bent the rim also . At least we have a full size spare so it 's not too bad . My husband then took me to the other clinic to see about refilling my medicine . Now , we just got our new cedulas yesterday . Our carnet , which is like an insurance card , expired with the old cedula . We couldn 't get a new carnet without a new cedula . Even though we have our cedulas and proof that we paid for the insurance , they wouldn 't let me refill my medication . Even after I explained to the woman why I didn 't have the new carnet . So , I said " F " it and had my husband take me to the pharmacy and paid out of pocket for it . It was about $ 16 . That was actually less than my co - pay in the States . He asked me if I wanted to go back to our clinic to see if we could get the new carnets today ; nope , just take me home so I can relax . It can take several hours of waiting to get a new carnet and I was already frustrated . So , that has been my yesterday and today . I am tired and grumpy right now . I am thinking of taking a nap , or taking up drinking . I haven 't decided yet . Until Mañana , Pura Vida ! I would recommend paying your exit tax before getting to the border , it is much easier and it was $ 9 . There is a place to pay it in Los Chiles next to the bus terminal which is across the street from Gollo , it is at a little soda . You can pay it at the border , but it is done at a machine , which is similar to an ATM machine , and it will be the same as doing a cash advance on your bank or credit card . I know many banks charge an extra fee for this and you cannot get money out of this machine . When you go up to the office there is a tent outside with a table and a couple of border police there . You need to show them your passport , they will write down your name and passport number . You will need to fill out the form for leaving , make sure to take a pen with you . Next you will go to a window marked " Salida " , this is for leaving Costa Rica . There you show them your exit tax form and the form you filled out inside the building . After that you will proceed to the border . There is another tent with two border police at it , you need to show your passport again here . After that you can finally get to the Nicaragua border . You walk through a gate and show your passport to the guard . You continue up to the building where there is another tent with a table and some more border police , again you must show your passport and you will need to fill out a form for entering Nicaragua , it is the exact same form that you filled out for leaving Costa Rica . ( Get used to filling this form out ) Next you will pay your entrance fee for Nicaragua , $ 12 . Now you can finally be on your way . It is the exact same procedure for leaving Nicaragua , the exit tax is $ 2 . I would recommend having local currency for Nicaragua , it would have really made things a lot easier there . I was told to bring US dollars and that is what I did , so everywhere we went it was a matter of pulling out the calculator or phone to do the conversion . There are vans at this border crossing now and they will take you to San Carlos , Nicaragua for $ 3 or 70 Cordobas . $ 3 is more than 70 Cordobas . The ride up there took us about 40 minutes . They dropped us off and told us that they would be running about every 30 minutes , this is not entirely true , they run when they have a full van . Remember that the border does close at 4pm . The lake and water front was very beautiful . The breeze was very strong , but the heat was unbearable . Even in the shade it was ungodly hot with the breeze . We did have a nice lunch for cheap and picked up a few items . My friends got some alcohol and some gifts for family . I got my husband a wooden hand painted turtle , and I got myself some ibuprofen . I know it sounds weird , but it was extremely cheap there . I didn 't like the market , it was too dark and dingy for me and it seemed that all the stuff was of really low quality . Then there were the guys walking around selling jewelry and belts , and no matter how many times you said no if they seen you again they would still ask . I had one guy shoving spices in my face . I really didn 't like it there . I am thankful for the experience though . I am not judging all of Nicaragua based on this one experience in this one town . I have heard that other towns are very nice and would possibly like to visit those someday . But if you have to do a border crossing to renew your visa , this one is very easy to do . Just cross over , take the van , and then grab some lunch and come back . I got some good news yesterday . My blood test results came back normal . This was the thyroid hormone test . So , maybe there is light at the end of the tunnel . Just still waiting on that biopsy result . I also had a cyst removed yesterday on my back . I believe I am genetically cursed with these things . The worst part about the hole procedure is getting the anesthesia injection to numb the area . I could tell that part way through the procedure it was starting to wear off . I didn 't complain because I definitely didn 't want another shot . He got it completely out and even showed it to me . They all kind of giggled when I said , " Cool . " I do have a medical degree so these things rarely gross me out , I usually find them fascinating . I got three stitches in my back and I go back in a week to get them removed . ( I don 't know what it is either but every time I get stitches the first one always pulls out , it doesn 't matter who does them or where I get them done at . ) He put me on some antibiotics to prevent infection . All of this was covered by the public healthcare system that we pay into . My husband was right there by my side the entire time yesterday ; just like when I had the biopsy done . He is such a great man and I feel so lucky to have him . Also , he has been making sure to wash my wound for me since I can 't really get to it . Tomorrow I am going to Nicaragua with some friends . My husband told me that I need a vacation after this week ! I agree . This is my first time making the border crossing and I will be sure to tell you all about it . We are just heading up to San Carlos for the day . I am hoping to find something special for my husband , he is staying home with the furry children . I am looking forward to going , just not looking forward to getting up before the sun . Until mañana , Pura Vida ! We got up this morning around 7 , that is a little early for me . I usually get up around 8 . It is difficult for me to get a good night sleep because my back always hurts so I am always changing positions during the night . We had our coffee and a bowl of cereal , yup I still eat cereal , and then headed out around 8 . My appointment was set between 11 and 1 , but we were expecting heavy traffic . Of course today , there wasn 't any traffic on the way there , there was a road closure so we thought there would be more but in fact there was less . We get to Guapiles early and went and made the house payment at the bank . Actually got in and out of the bank quickly today . Then we decided that since we still had plenty of time we would head over to the Maxi Pali and do some shopping . There was a tour bus in the parking lot and a whole bunch of gringos in the store . I am not used to being out in public with a bunch of people from the US around me . From there we stopped by the vet and stocked up on cat food for the month . Some things are a little cheaper in Guapiles than where we live so we stock up on those few things for the month . After that we headed to the clinic . The same greeter was there again , always smiling , she walked us over to the counter to get registered and to pay . Total cost of the biopsy was less than $ 250 , cheaper than our monthly insurance premium in the States . Then we waited . We did wait quite a while until I got called back . My husband went in with me . I had the same , very nice , gentleman that I had before for my ultrasound . He remembered me and made sure to speak English , even his assistant spoke good English . He sat me down on the edge of the bed and got me to relax , he knew I was nervous . My legs hung off the end and I had a pillow under my back so it made my head lean really far backwards ; this makes it easier for him to do the ultrasound and biopsy . He found the tumor again , it is still the same size . Then he took the needle and inserted it into my neck . Keep in mind that I had no numbing agent either . I felt a little pinch going in , not so bad . But then he had to take the needle and move it in and out a little to collect the cells , he did tell me everything he was going to do before he even started the ultrasound so I was prepared . The needle was going in and out , think of a plunging motion , and boy did it start to hurt . I wasn 't allowed to talk or even to swallow , I had to stay perfectly still . My husband was next to me holding my hand , more like me squeezing his hand really hard . At one point I noticed tears in my eyes , but I stayed still . I just kept twirling my feet . He pulled the needle out , then informed me that he had to do it again because he didn 't get a big enough sample . I wanted to cry at this point . But I went through it again . I remember feeling myself tense up and he would calmly tell me to relax , then I would take a deep breath and try to relax a little . It worked . He finally collected a big enough sample to send to the lab . He got a paper towel and wiped off my neck and he and my husband help to get me in a sitting position . I got so dizzy at that point . I was so hot too . My neck was super stiff and it hurt to turn my head to the side . The technician told me to take all the time I needed , there was no rush . He was very polite the whole time . Even as I was leaving he did the tradition Costa Rica farewell of a small hug and a kiss on the cheek and shook my husbands hand . This is not anything that I would wish upon anyone , but it was a good experience . The staff and personnel at this clinic are absolutely amazing . Now we just play the waiting game on the test results . Anywhere between 10 and 15 days . If they call , it 's not good news . If they don 't call , it 's good news . These next two weeks are going to take forever . Until mañana , pura vida ! People ask me a lot of times what I do . Well , not much really . I have a normal morning routine that I follow . My husband usually gets up before me and brings me a cup of coffee while I am still in bed . He is so sweet . I take a few sips and hand him the cup back and then put on my sandals and follow him out to the patio . We have our morning coffee and listen and watch all the birds . This morning I was listening to the toucans off in the distance and some other small birds in the trees next to the house . Just a little bit ago I saw a brown Basilisk lizard running through the yard and our small dog started chasing it . After about three cups of coffee I make my way inside to change clothes , then I put the dishes away , brush my teeth , and clean the litter box . Somewhere in there I usually have a bowl of cereal . I love Fruit Loops , but of course we buy the local brand . From there I check my e - mail and messages . Check my Facebook and read a lot of news . Then I do whatever I want . Also , through - out the day my husband and I also take turns walking the dog . I had a friend stop by this morning , she helped me again by calling my private clinic to see how much a biopsy of my tumor would cost ; about $ 250 . I wasn 't expecting it to be that much . She is going to call around to some other clinics that she knows of to see if she can find it cheaper . I just really want to know if this thing is cancerous or not . I went a few days without feeling it at all , but the past two days it has really been bothering me . It feels like I have something stuck in my throat that just won 't go away . I can feel pressure on the front of my throat , like someone pushing in on it with their thumb . Not a good feeling at all . We are still waiting for the test results of the blood test , hopefully I will have them by next week . As of right now , the weather is beautiful . upper 80 's and a nice breeze with sunny skies . It is a lot better than the rain we had been having . My husband was actually able to get the gutters cleaned out this morning . He has gone for his walk , something he loves to do . It keeps him active and healthy . The only other thing I have to do today is laundry . I am conducting an experiment right now with that . I am trying to figure out if we have a smart meter , some areas do and some don 't . So , I have been waiting until the afternoon to do all my laundry . If my utility bill goes down , we have a smart meter . I am hoping that is the case . Granted my bill is only $ 32 a month , but I am frugal . I am thinking of changing all the light bulbs to LED bulbs next . They use a lot less electricity than the energy efficient ones . I did get a message from a friend last night in the States , whom I immediately called . The State of Ohio finally opened up all adoption records that were sealed before . I had sent off for my original birth certificate to see if I could find out who my biological father was . Of course he is not listed on it , I am not surprised by this at all . I have had health problems since the day I was born . I would like to know if these are hereditary or not for the sake of my child . I am thinking of doing a DNA test next , see if I can get anywhere with that . Well , I need to brush the cats and clean up a few things around the house . We are still planning our wedding for April . I got confirmation that we can use the property that we want ! And we are planning a day trip up to Nicaragua soon also with another friend , not sure if we will go or not as we haven 't got all the details yet . Lots of planning going on . So , this is my life here . Not a whole lot to it , but we love it . Until mañana , Pura Vida ! A few weeks ago we went and made our appointment at immigration to renew . We asked them what all we needed to have . They gave us a short list and I even asked if we needed copies of anything , of course they told us no . ( We determined later that this was a lie . ) Earlier this week we went and made our deposits at Banco de Costa Rica , you have to make them at this bank . We also got a print out of our transactions for the past six months . They were unable to just print out the deposits that are made into the account so we have to print everything . Of course they charged us for this . I made sure that we had our passports , our receipt where we pay our insurance , our insurance cards , and of course our current residency cards . So today we go to immigration in Ciudad Quesada . We have always used this office since we first applied and have been using it ever since even though there is one closer to us . It 's nice to go there and see the same people who originally helped us and they continue to help us with a smile . Wonderful people there . We got there early and waited in line for them to open , the line was pretty long by the time they opened the doors . I don 't know for sure if they do generic appointment times or if they actually try to stick to the appointment times they give you , this is why we got there early . We were one of the first people called up . Everything for my husband went through perfect ! Not one little problem . We had everything we needed for him . Then we get to me . Well , they needed a copy of my husbands residency card for my file . He ran across the street and got one ; while he was gone I found a copy in my folder . Oh well . Then they tell me that they need a copy of my entire passport . So , the husband must go across the street again and pay for more copies . I did tell the lady that I had asked when we made the appointment if we needed copies of anything and I was told no . She seemed to sympathize with me . Now , I have four entry stamps in my passport from where I went to the States and came back . Every time you leave your passport is SUPPOSED to be scanned showing that you are exiting the country . Then it is scanned and stamped for when you come back in . I have four entry stamps , but it only shows that I left Costa Rica twice . I was never scanned out when I left this past November . This caused a hiccup in the process . The lady even printed out the document showing me every time my passport was scanned . Someone at the airport here in Costa Rica didn 't do their job . After several minutes of patiently waiting she returned with my passport and told me that everything was fine . There were a couple of people there who knew us from before and probably put in a good word for us . So here is my word of advice for you all . When you leave Costa Rica and go back to your home country ; ask them when you enter to stamp your passport and date it . It is not something that they normally do , but it can be done . This way , if you have the same problem that I had you will be covered . But we got it all done , got our pictures taken , got our paperwork , and went on our way . Our next stop was the post office . The last time we renewed our residency it took us 8 days to get our new cards back , now they are telling us it is going to take 22 days ! I am hoping that this is not going to be a problem for us . Our current cards expire at the beginning of March and we won 't have the new ones until the middle of March . We will have our paperwork showing that we are approved and waiting on new cards , but it also means that we cannot renew our insurance cards . I guess we play the waiting game and hope for the best . Also , don 't forget to smile and be friendly . That goes a very long way here . Even if things are looking bad , keep a smile on your face and remain calm ; seriously . You want these people on your side ! Until mañana , Pura Vida ! |
Things have not been well lately . First of all , I have not been online because my parents forgot to pay the internet bill , so we were shut off for a few days . It was very boring for me , as you can imagine . I am not a huge fan of television , and lately it 's been too cold to go outside . First of all , something very weird happened at school today . When I opened my locker this morning there was a simple note , typed on a computer and printed out . It said : " Someone had fun in New Jersey . " My heart skipped a beat when I read it . I started to feel lightheaded and thought I was going to pass out , you know the feeling , the one where you can 't breathe and feel slightly nauseous and absolutely have to sit down or lie down if you can . I hobbled to the bathroom as quickly as I could and sat down in the nearest stall on the toilet . I then took a deep breath and read it again . Yup , it 's real . Someone out there knows about me , and I have no idea who it could be . At first , I was stricken with fear , but after a few minutes of sitting on the toilet and breathing , I started to realize that if this person wanted to turn me in they would have already . That made me feel better , but not much . There is someone who knows my secret , or at least knows I killed Lillian . I wonder if they know I also killed Micheal ? I have to feed this weekend , but I really don 't want to . I don 't know if this person is going to follow me and expose me on my next kill , or somehow mess around with me . . . But I have to . I think I might steal from a bloodbank this weekend , but I 'm not sure . Anyway , as far as the " bitch you got raped " thing goes , that is going to have to wait , at least for now . I am too panicked about this to deal with it . I am too scared to even eat a dish of ice cream . I have got to calm down . No one spoke a word today about Micheal 's death in school . I think he was overshadowed by the more sensational news of Lillian 's . Lillian was that type of girl who was not exactly the prettiest , but everyone liked . She got okay grades , came from a decent family , and was super girly , even if it was in a homely way and not in a hot way . So naturally , upon learning of her death , everyone was distraught . They told us of her death in the morning announcements , but did not tell us exactly how she died . They also said anyone wishing to seek counseling should go visit the school nurse . I almost laughed out loud in my seat . Some people might be sad , but theyll get over it . She was no one special . I guess others thought differently though . There were students weeping in the hallway , mainly popular girls . At lunch that 's all anyone would talk about " Oh what happened to Lillain . . ? " " . . brother texted me and said it happened last night . . . " you know , the usual chatter you overhear at school after any major event goes down . It was so big that I barely heard two words spoken about the rape , which is unfortunate , because I think that is a much more interesting subject . I still have not made my decision about her locker though . I didn 't see Alex anywhere today , even though I went the long way between my biology class and my nutrition class to see him . I wanted to see his face , to see how he was . I hope he isn 't too distraught , it isn 't like they 've been dating a long time anyway . When I woke this afternoon I immediately went to go get a cup of coke ( I hate coffee but need caffine ) and saw this as the headline of the local newspaper : " Alleged Pedophile Found Dead in Home . " Underneath the headline was a big ole picture of his mugshot . I turned to page 3 , where the story was and read the following : ( I will only give you a snippet because the entire article was pretty long ) Micheal Henderson , 32 , was found dead last night in his bedroom . Neighbors reported a nasty smell coming from the house , and claimed they had not seen him for several days . They noticed a pileup of newspapers , and decided to call police . He was found lying on his back in his bed , with a knifewound in his neck . His death has been ruled a suicide . It went on to talk about his crime and all of that , but I am sure that you do not care to read it . It was boring , and not as juicy as what I have already told you about him and that boy he was having relations with . Anyway , what really bothered me about the whole thing was that they claimed it was a suicide by slitting his throat . No medical examiner or forensics specialist would agree this is the case . They clearly do not care enough to go forward with an investigation , or were too perplexed by what they found and did not want to explain . Or , maybe they are happy he got killed and do not feel like finding someone to punish . I would like to think of it as the latter . Either way , I am kind of relieved , because it means there will be no investigation and I should be okay . I want to apologize for anyone I offended by saying bad things about New Jersey . First of all , people from New York are always inclined to dislike people from New Jersey . Second of all , the only times I went were to go to the Six Flags and the beach where all the guidos hang out , so I guess I unfairly judged it based on those experiences . I am sure there are nice people in New Jersey , in fact the town I went to last night didn 't seem too bad . It was an old style town with some stone houses and the center of it had a narrow main street with a slew of cutsy shops . I bet on a sunny day it 's a great place to walk around and enjoy , however , that is not why I was there . My drive to New Jersey went without a hitch , but this is usually the case for the drive too . Even though my heart was pumping the entire time , I was still innocent of the crime I was about to commit . It took me about two hours to get there . Fortunately , there was a strip mall about a half a mile from the house , so I decided to park there . It was rather run down and I doubt they had any cameras in it , and even if they did , who knows if anyone would think to look at their surveillance . . . I hope . Anyway , when I got to her grandparent 's house , I was sorely disappointed to find the light in the living room was on . I surveyed the entire house , and discovered this was the only one . I had come this far , and was not about to give up because one person was awake . No way , I was too tired and hungry , and if I waited any more days I would probably get sick . I peered in the window , and noticed it was only Lillian , alone in the living room , watching TV . And she looked to be asleep anyway , her eyes were closed and she was lying on the couch as if it were a bed . Great I thought , this should be easy . I was fortunate enough to find that the front door was unlocked - figures - and this happened to lead right into the living room . There would be no breaking in , no trapezing through other rooms looking for her and possibly alerting other family members . I just walked through the front door . I guess she must have been half awake , or in a wake - dream state because she mumbled something about it . It was to the effect of " Lexxie , that psycho stalker bitch what do you want ? " And I whispered shhhh as quietly as I could before covering her mouth and nose with the chloroform towel . Then I sucked the blood out of her jugular as I always do . I was disapointed at how shallow she was . Usually when I kill , I get a whole fleet of emotions , ideas about the world and so on , but from her all I got was superficial feelings about petty high school drama and the tv show " The Hills " and " Grey 's Anatomy . " Like who the hell cares about that shit ? There was absolutely nothing real or interesting about her . In fact , I fear I may need to feed sooner than usual because of it , as this is something that helps to satiate the hunger . What an idiot . Anyway , as soon as I had drained her , I left . I quietly tiptoed out of the house and sped walked ( running would be an eyesore for anyone who would happen to drive by ) back to my car . I felt good , I had eliminated an enemy and maybe was a step closer to being with Alex . Most importantly , my hunger was subsided for at least a lil while . One thing that bothered me , however , is what she said before she died . She called be a " psycho stalker . " How does she know that I am in love with Alex ? If she knows , he must know too ? I do not want him to think I am crazy . . that will make him run . Anyway , I made it back home safely , thank God , except for one mysterious thing : I noticed the same red Nissan with a NY license plate in the town in New Jersey where I made my kill and back in my home town . I find this a little worry some , but if they were going to do anything they would have by now , I think . Anyway , I told you I would provide a picture of my cats . Here 's one , his name is Banana . I 'll show you the other two on my next update . Tonight I must get ready for my journey to New Jersey . I have been to New Jersey before , and have always found it to be a rather boring trashy place . I mean , look at the Jersey Shore . That is how these people live , seriously . The place should just be destroyed . Anyway , this may prove to be my trickiest kill yet because it is so far and I do not know the layout of the area very well . My parents are asleep usually around midnight , and my mother wakes up around 6am . . . This is when she gets up to feed the cats , eat her breakfast , read the newspaper and then take her morning dump . We have three cats , and I will take pictures and show you guys later if you so desire . Anyway , my window of time is midnight - 6am . Since I have no school tomorrow , I get to sleep in so I am not worried about going to school afterward . The problem is this place is a whole two hours away . That 's two hours there , and two hours back . What if I crash , or I get pulled over in New Jersey and they want to know why I am so far away . In fact , in NY if you are under 18 you are not supposed to drive between the hours of 9pm and 4am anyway . I don 't know what they do if they catch you . Also I am terrible with directions . Even with my GPS on my iPhone , there is no guarantee I won 't get lost . I guess I just have to go and do it . I know exactly where the house is . Apparently it is in a rather isolated area of New Jersey ( who knew New Jersey had isolated areas , I thought it was just a big cesspool of guidos , and we all know how guidos always have to be near other guidos . ) I will drive around the area a little bit first , going past the house and looking for a nearby place to park . I know there willl be a lot of people in the house , so I must be extra quiet when I break in . First , I will see if there are any unlocked doors ( most people do this because they 're dumb , especially out in the country . If there are not , I willl see if I can slide a basement window up , and if I must I will resort to breaking one . I am also going to bring cloroform with me , so that when it is time to kill she will be passed out . I will put it over her face before I bite , so she doesn 't scream out and get me noticed . The body . . . well . . . I don 't think I can carry it out , as much as I would like to and to ditch it somewhere . I don 't know what the family is going to think about her body , and what the medical examiner is going to say . I am worried , but then again I always stress before a kill . Anyway , one of my readers suggest that I put up a poster that says " Bitch you got raped " or something awful like that and tape it over Bailey 's locker . I feel that I should do this . I don 't have school till Wednesday , so it won 't be until at least then , but I want to do this . I will also , of course , post pictures of said event . What do you guys think ? Vote . ( Poll is on the sidebar ) Last night I had a bad dream . In my dream , I saw them having sex . Hot steamy mind blowing orgasmic sex . I don 't want to go into detail because it gives me shudders to think about . Oh how I loathe her . I have decided that Lillian will be my next victim . Right now , she is staying at her grandparents house in a small town near NYC . I am going to have to drive about two hours to pull this off . Because Lillian is an idiot and uses Facebook Places , I know the exact location of her grandparents . I have already mapped it out . My main concern , however , is the distance . It is going to take me about 2 hours to get to this place , not to mention the ridiculous amount of gas . I am hungry , and normally I would not choose to go this far , but I feel this will be to my own benefit . I am riding myself of an obstacle in my goal of obtaining this boy . Sometimes I worry that I am too obsessed with him . I look at his facebook like 80 times a day . I think about him constantly , when I 'm in class , eating dinner , taking a shower , and of course before I go to bed . Wat do ? ! I want to stop being a crazy obsessed stalker . . . and getting rid of Lillian won 't help , not at all . Anyhoo , this popular girl from my school , named Bailey , got " raped " . There was a party last night , that of course I didn 't get invited to , where they were all drinking , and supposedly someone put something in her drink and roofied her . Then 3 jock douchebag assholes who I can 't stand anyway took her to the basement and had their way with her for like an hour and a half . This is the same girl who about a month ago in biology class said very loudly to the girl sitting next to her that I looked like a ' pug faced bitch ' and would be a virgin forever . This is probably because I accidentally ran into her in gym class . We were playing dodgeball and I jumped to catch the ball and ended up falling right back into her . She gave me a dirty look and that was it at the time . Anyway , when I learned of her rape , I lol 'd so hard . Serves that bitch right . Is this wrong though ? I am SO happy this happened , that is if it did happen . It might have been consensual , she was kind of a slut after all . Anyway , this tidbit made my day : ) I hate going to school . I hate it . Every day I have to wake up at 6am , which is wayy to early . Were it up to me , I would sleep until 1pm , and go to bed around 5am . Its what makes the most sense . However , they do not allow for that kind of schedule while you are in school . It 's fucked . I also hate going there because everyone seems to fit in , but me . I mean yeah , I have a couple of friends , but for the most part no one really talks to me . I am not sure why , maybe it is because I was poor ? I used to have ugly raggidy clothing and no cable tv , no internet , and was yelled at by my parents a lot . It created quite a rift , and I felt I had nothing in common with most of the other kids . Stuff finally changed last year though , when my father FINALLY got a full time job . That is why I have the junky car that I do , and I am thankful for it , because without it I would have to go to much more extreme measures to feed like I used to when I first became a vampire . It was very nerve racking , having to sneak out on foot , hijack a car sometimes , other times call a cab . This makes it so much easier to be seen and caught . I am thankful that is not the case anymore . I am weak because I have no had blood to feed on for almost a week . It is not noticable yet , thank God , but it will be soon if I don 't take care of my need . I can 't decide what to do . Should I kill someone , and eat them like I did last week ? I might be able to get away with sneaking into a blood bank and taking some of the donated blood . I do this sometimes in between kills , its not as satisfying as actually killing someone , but its more moral , and it means less of a punishment if I am caught . I can 't do that for more than a couple weeks in a row though , because I do get too weak if I don 't kill . I might do that this week , I dunno . Another option is to go into a nursing home and take the life of someone who will die soon anyway . I have done this on occasion , its just that its very difficult to sneak in , and then I have to roam the place looking for someone who appears to be dying . One time , I went in the middle of the day to a nursing home about an hour from here , pretended i wanted to see my Grandpa ( I made up an name and sadly they did not check ) . I then went from room to room , making sure there were no nurses till I found someone . It took me 45 minutes to find a good victim . I was so fortunate no one caught me or said anything when I left . I don 't think anyone thought it was a murder though , as i did just walk out like normal and there was absolutely nothing in the paper . . Sometimes there is . Only one reporter suggested there is a serial killer in the area though , surprisingly . I would have thought they would have caught on by now , I am not the best at covering my tracks , even though I do a pretty good job . Speaking of the paper , I haven 't seen a word about the death of Mr . Pedophile . I think they might have not discovered his body yet , as he was unemployed and lived alone . It should be smelling something awful by now though , so I am surprised the neighbors haven 't called . It will happen eventually , I am sure . I don 't know , I can 't concentrate on doing this , really . All I can do is think about how upset I am that Alex has girlfriend who is not me . WTF ? ! I just want him to be here so he can lie in my bed with me and hold me . Is that so bad ? ! Okay , so I could , technically , eat that girl . Our school is having fall break this week , meaning that we get Monday and Tuesday off . This girl ( her name is Lillian ) is going to New Jersey with her family over the break . I know this because I am currently stalking her facebook ( yes , I am stalking her , like creepily stalking her , but she has no idea ) . I am thinking I might drive there on Monday night ( it 's about two hours away , she stupidly posted the exact location she will be at ) and doing the act . This is , really , my only chance to do this because I am afraid people would get too suspicious if it happened close to home . I mean , I just murdered someone else associated with the school . But , I was thinking , if I do it in New Jersey , they will probably figure some creep there did it . So what do you guys think ? Should I kill her , go to a nursing home , or do the blood bank thing this week ? I am starting to lean towards her , but I am undecided . I will have to make up my mind soon though , because its good to plan things out in advance . By the time Sunday night rolled around I was famished . I felt weak , I could barely breathe at times , so I knew that it is time to feed or else I don 't know what would 've happened . I have never tested it I have never found out what it is like when I do not eat . I suppose I eventually just fade away into a pale shriveled ball of nothingness . I do not like what I do , but the exhaustion overwhelms me and I must make a change . I must eat . Still around midnight I set out . I snuck out of my house I crept down the stairs tip toeing like a cat in hopes that my parents would not see or hear me . We live read at the end of a long driveway and not many cars pass on Adjacent road . I had to be very quiet for any noise would startle them and arouse their suspicion . when leaving the driveway I didn 't turn my headlights on so there was nothing to see . the drive to Michael 's house with probably the easiest part of the whole ordeal , this is where I was the least nervous . I had not done anything wrong yet and if a police officer stopped me all he could do was give me a small traffic violation ticket which I can easily pay or smile my way Out of . This took 15 minutes . Like me Michael lives in a quiet neighborhood . I parked in the same is vacant lot I told you guys about earlier . I feared someone would see me driving into the lot . I knew my fear was a rational but I also knew that when police make investigations they take no chances , and examine all suspicious behavior . And well parking in the lot at this time was rather suspicious however I did manage to park in the dark shaded by some trees . Where I was parked no one could 've seen my car . I ran through the woods and got Michael 's house . This was the safest route . I was able to come right into the backyard and I snuck into the back porch he always keeps unlocked , I checked in my stalking visit . Most people don 't lock their porch doors . I slid the door open quietly he had no animals so there is no dog to bark me and alert the neighbors . This is a good thing . I used my cell as a flashlight because the light it makes is very dim and would probably not alert anyone . I creep in Jay 's room and I slid my hand over his mouth . I did not say a word . He did not wake up . I wasted no time in biting his neck and clamped down on his jugular and sucked . He must of been sound asleep because he did not murmur not a word , not a sound , not an utterance . You would be surprised how many people do not wake up when you 're biting them . I guess it must not hurt very much . I fed for a whole 5 min . at first his breathing was a long hard and regular but soon it slowed down a slow drawl , a rattling drawl , and his heartbeat became weaker it was the sound of death he was dying in my arms before my eyes and I was sucking the life out of him . It was so wonderful I felt alive for first time in ages , or what seems to be ages anyway . I can breathe it was good news I wanted to rejoice and he was flailing , lying there all faltering dying but I did not care , did not care . I need to take care of me . And then the ecstasy of his death was over . I felt really worried I had to leave I had to leave now before I got caught so I ran back out the way I came . Back to my car back out of the lot , the vacant lot and drove all way home as fast as I could not speeding or breaking any laws . I didn 't want to get pulled over that was the last thing he needed . I needed to slip back home quietly and announced unfortunately when I got home my parents were there and they were waiting for me . My mother 's eyes were glaring at me and she was angry . fortunately she did not suspect that I killed someone she is figured that I went to go visit my friend or some boy and she told me that i am grounded for the next week this is why have not been on the computer to update my information and tell you it 's been going on . I am sorry and I will try to make sure that I update this more frequently . The sad thing is I am hungry again and need to eat again soon or else I feel I will go insane . a I 'm not sure my victim will be but I 'm thinking maybe that girl ? I am afraid I might be too close to eat her , for I do not want to raise any red flags with the police or anyone else that i am doing this . I have just eaten someone who has a connection to my school , i don 't want to do it again and have them circle in on it . . that would be bad . Okay , so I went to the movie and it seemed to be pretty good , but I could barely concentrate on it , so I really didn 't pay enough attention to give it an accurate review . I will say , however , the acting was really on par for the most part . The body language ( which is really important to me in movies , because it is very telling at how well done the movie is ) was spot on . The reason I wasn 't able to pay attention to the movie is because Alex was there with ANOTHER GIRL . What the hell ? ! ? ! ? I had absolutely no idea he was going there as a date . The entire time , all I could do was sit there and shake . She wasn 't even as pretty as me , in fact shes repugnant looking . She has a little pig nose and lots of pimples . The only reason he likes her is because the populars accept her . I bet he saw me there ( I hope not but he probably did ) and thought I was stalking him . . . I mean , I WAS stalking him . He probably thinks I 'm a creep now I dont know if he knows how much I like him , but I suspect he does . He always looks at me funny and seems to avoid me . I don 't know what to do . . should I eat her at some point ? Not yet obviously because I intend to consume Micheal on Sunday night . In fact , I just got back from watching his place . Looks like he turns his lights off at around 11 . He also lives on a quiet street , and I know for a fact no one shares the other half of his duplex . He also doesn 't have a dog ( a big plus ) and doesn 't lock his porch screen door ( I checked ) So what I think I 'm gonna do is get there around midnight tomorrow . I will park in a vacant lot which is in a development near his . That place is also quiet , and most people are in bed by this time . So my plan is to get there , quietly walk to his house from my car , sneak around the back and get in through the porch . Then I will tiptoe to the bedroom and it will be a wrap from there . This is what I hope anyway . It rarely ever goes as planned , there are always small complications that I did not think of , or weird run ins . Also the escape is usually the most tricky part . I have to park my car as far from the scene as possible , but I also want to get there as quickly as I can so no police or other people will get to me first . This way , I can make it home in the fastest time possible . Wish me luck ! I 'm in my stupid computer class right now , and all I can think about is how hungry I am . Yes , I still enjoy human food ( cheese and ice cream being among my favorites ) but I need blood . One time , I bought a cup of ice cream before feeding , and still had it when I attacked . I dripped their blood on my cone and it was delicious ( ice cream was vanilla of course ) . You should try . Anyway , who the hell needs a computer class . You know what we 're learning right now ? TYPING ! Yes , HOW TO FRIGGIN TYPE . I am a senior in high school , don 't you think I know how already ? Oh my god . Idiot teacher is trying to teach us how to type with two hands instead of finger peck . It isn 't 1990 anymore , everyone knows how to use a computer . And this is AFTER we spent a week learning how to turn the computer on and log in , how to create a login , blah blah blah . Their budget is too big if they feel the need to hire people to teach classes like this . Goddamn . Anyway , I am going to see The Social Network tonight . It looks dumb , and personally I think facebook is even dumber . The only reason I 'm going is this guy Alex who i have been in love with for the past 4 years will be there . Lana ( my best friend ) agreed to go . I guess we 'll just try to bump into them ? I dont want anyone to think I 'm a stalker , but maybe I am ? I dunno , but I just cant stop thinking about him half the time . My name is Lexxie I have held in a secret for a long time that I can no longer keep . Something is wrong with me , seriously wrong with me , and has been for about 4 years now . I crave blood . I must have it , or I think I will die . I don 't know what would happen if I didn 't drink blood , because I have never gone without it since this started . I must feed about once a week , but sometimes I feed more than that . It depends on the day , and my mood . I 'm 17 , and attend the local high school . No one has any idea , not any of my classmates , my teachers , my parents , no one . Not a soul . I have to get this off my chest , I want to tell you about my life . It 's been four days since I last had a drink , but I can feel my body already starting to crave it . I feel week and my skin feels numb . The whites of my eyes are turning yellow and my shiny ginger hair has lost is luster . I am already planning out my next victim . His name is Micheal Henderson , and he lives in the next town over ( I am hesitant to reveal my location for now ) . He is 32 years old , with balding brown hair and slightly overweight . He is a teacher who used to teach biology at my school , in fact I had him . Last year he got fired because he apparently having relations with one of my classmates , this boy named Jacob . Jacob is one of the smaller boys in my class , he has thick binocular glasses and mousy hair . No one ever really paid him much attention until this happened . Personally , I didn 't even know of his existence until the incident . I found out because one day I went to my bio class and we had a new teacher . The new guy was hesitant at first to tell us why Mr . Henderson was gone , but eventually he let it slip that there had been an incident with another student . He didn 't say what . We all found out when we got a letter in homeroom the next day , explaining that a certain biology teacher named Mr . Henderson was caught performing certain ( yet unspecified ) sexual acts on one of our classmates . It asked for anyone else to come forward who knew anything , implying , of course , for other victims to come forward . No one did . No one wants to own up to something like that . At first no one knew who the lucky student was , but people soon began to suspect when they noticed Jacob had been gone from his classes . Of course , it took them a while because not too many people even knew there was a Jacob , and that he happened to be in their class to be missing . I guess it must have been lab day , or some activity where he would have been forced to interact when someone first noticed he was gone . Apparently students started asking their teachers , and the teachers gave them vague responses , telling them Jacob would be out of school for a few weeks . Because the teachers did not specify and were being so evasive , everyone figured it out . Outwardly , all of my peers pretended it was terrible and shocking , but inwardly , in each inner click , everyone laughed . This big , disgusting middle aged man , who was probably the only person to talk to Jacob ever , was doin the dirty with him ? Why Jacob ? Couldn 't he have picked one of the hotter boys , if he really had a thing for dudes ? Of course not , they would have told , it had to be Jacob , that quiet invisible loser . I most certainly laughed right along with them , and internally I did , of course , find it funny , but at the same time it made me cringe and I secretly wanted to befriend this kid I had never talked to , because I wasn 't very popular either ( I 'll get to that another day ) and I had my own dark secrets . Okay , so back to my bloodlust . Why did I choose this man ? Because he did a horrible thing to my peer ? Of course not ! Let 's be real here . The reason is he is a loner , and since he now has no job ( no one will employ him ) no one will miss him when he 's gone . Of course , the police are going to notice something is amiss because he does have to go to court , but this is a good thing . They 're going to think two things1 . He ran away because he wanted to evade the stigma of a pedophile and potential ( certain ) jail time . ( He 's lucky he is out on bail right now ) . 2 . Even if he is dead , they are going to be happy because everyone in society hates pedophiles . And if they don 't know he is dead , they are going to be just happy he is gone from the community never to return . I want to let you guys know that this is in no way my first victim , and nor will he be my last . I just feel that since I am starting with today as my first entry , I must tell you what I am doing right now , and that is this victim . When I mark a victim I usually go through the following steps . 1 . I make a decision . There are usually loads of good victims that week , or sometimes there are none . It changes from day to day , week to week and month to month . 2 . Stalking . I will follow the victim ( not too closely as I am much too lazy for that ) and learn their schedule , where they work , and when is the best time for attack . 3 . Planning . There isn 't usually much involved here other than I get on my gloves and figure out a way to sneak out of the house or convince my parents that I am going somewhere and not to worry about me . Then I get in my car and go . I also acquire whatever tools necessary to do break ins and what not . Often it is nothing more than a baseball bat , and usually not even that because I am excellent at picking locks , or finding an unlocked window or whatever I can fit into . Usually not a lot of prep . 4 . The attack . Here , I find my person . I creep up on them , and bite their necks . This is an instant immobilization . I just get their jugular for the instant injection of whatever it is that makes them stop moving . Then I just suck and suck and suck until I am satisfied . They die within a few minutes . I do not like the blood after they die , it is stale and no good . 5 . The escape . This usually just consists of me getting in my car and leaving . Of course , on the way there and back I use back roads and follow all traffic rules to ensure not getting pulled over and suspected . On a final note for the night , I just wanted to talk about what I gain from the whole thing . I mean , of course I feel full , like I just had a giant feast , but I feel the most interesting part is the emotional aspect of the whole ordeal . It is interesting to feel a persons pulse as they expire . At first their heart will beat really fast will all the adrenaline pumping through their systems , but after a while , it faints to a bare murmur . Their breathing goes from strong and confident , till you start to hear them make this obnoxious rattling noise and it slows down . Their eyes close . Also , I can feel them . Sometimes I get memories from the person 's life , other times , I get emotions , thoughts , ideas about the world and their philosophy on life . It has taught me a lot , and I do not regret it . |
Things have not been well lately . First of all , I have not been online because my parents forgot to pay the internet bill , so we were shut off for a few days . It was very boring for me , as you can imagine . I am not a huge fan of television , and lately it 's been too cold to go outside . First of all , something very weird happened at school today . When I opened my locker this morning there was a simple note , typed on a computer and printed out . It said : " Someone had fun in New Jersey . " My heart skipped a beat when I read it . I started to feel lightheaded and thought I was going to pass out , you know the feeling , the one where you can 't breathe and feel slightly nauseous and absolutely have to sit down or lie down if you can . I hobbled to the bathroom as quickly as I could and sat down in the nearest stall on the toilet . I then took a deep breath and read it again . Yup , it 's real . Someone out there knows about me , and I have no idea who it could be . At first , I was stricken with fear , but after a few minutes of sitting on the toilet and breathing , I started to realize that if this person wanted to turn me in they would have already . That made me feel better , but not much . There is someone who knows my secret , or at least knows I killed Lillian . I wonder if they know I also killed Micheal ? I have to feed this weekend , but I really don 't want to . I don 't know if this person is going to follow me and expose me on my next kill , or somehow mess around with me . . . But I have to . I think I might steal from a bloodbank this weekend , but I 'm not sure . Anyway , as far as the " bitch you got raped " thing goes , that is going to have to wait , at least for now . I am too panicked about this to deal with it . I am too scared to even eat a dish of ice cream . I have got to calm down . No one spoke a word today about Micheal 's death in school . I think he was overshadowed by the more sensational news of Lillian 's . Lillian was that type of girl who was not exactly the prettiest , but everyone liked . She got okay grades , came from a decent family , and was super girly , even if it was in a homely way and not in a hot way . So naturally , upon learning of her death , everyone was distraught . They told us of her death in the morning announcements , but did not tell us exactly how she died . They also said anyone wishing to seek counseling should go visit the school nurse . I almost laughed out loud in my seat . Some people might be sad , but theyll get over it . She was no one special . I guess others thought differently though . There were students weeping in the hallway , mainly popular girls . At lunch that 's all anyone would talk about " Oh what happened to Lillain . . ? " " . . brother texted me and said it happened last night . . . " you know , the usual chatter you overhear at school after any major event goes down . It was so big that I barely heard two words spoken about the rape , which is unfortunate , because I think that is a much more interesting subject . I still have not made my decision about her locker though . I didn 't see Alex anywhere today , even though I went the long way between my biology class and my nutrition class to see him . I wanted to see his face , to see how he was . I hope he isn 't too distraught , it isn 't like they 've been dating a long time anyway . When I woke this afternoon I immediately went to go get a cup of coke ( I hate coffee but need caffine ) and saw this as the headline of the local newspaper : " Alleged Pedophile Found Dead in Home . " Underneath the headline was a big ole picture of his mugshot . I turned to page 3 , where the story was and read the following : ( I will only give you a snippet because the entire article was pretty long ) Micheal Henderson , 32 , was found dead last night in his bedroom . Neighbors reported a nasty smell coming from the house , and claimed they had not seen him for several days . They noticed a pileup of newspapers , and decided to call police . He was found lying on his back in his bed , with a knifewound in his neck . His death has been ruled a suicide . It went on to talk about his crime and all of that , but I am sure that you do not care to read it . It was boring , and not as juicy as what I have already told you about him and that boy he was having relations with . Anyway , what really bothered me about the whole thing was that they claimed it was a suicide by slitting his throat . No medical examiner or forensics specialist would agree this is the case . They clearly do not care enough to go forward with an investigation , or were too perplexed by what they found and did not want to explain . Or , maybe they are happy he got killed and do not feel like finding someone to punish . I would like to think of it as the latter . Either way , I am kind of relieved , because it means there will be no investigation and I should be okay . I want to apologize for anyone I offended by saying bad things about New Jersey . First of all , people from New York are always inclined to dislike people from New Jersey . Second of all , the only times I went were to go to the Six Flags and the beach where all the guidos hang out , so I guess I unfairly judged it based on those experiences . I am sure there are nice people in New Jersey , in fact the town I went to last night didn 't seem too bad . It was an old style town with some stone houses and the center of it had a narrow main street with a slew of cutsy shops . I bet on a sunny day it 's a great place to walk around and enjoy , however , that is not why I was there . My drive to New Jersey went without a hitch , but this is usually the case for the drive too . Even though my heart was pumping the entire time , I was still innocent of the crime I was about to commit . It took me about two hours to get there . Fortunately , there was a strip mall about a half a mile from the house , so I decided to park there . It was rather run down and I doubt they had any cameras in it , and even if they did , who knows if anyone would think to look at their surveillance . . . I hope . Anyway , when I got to her grandparent 's house , I was sorely disappointed to find the light in the living room was on . I surveyed the entire house , and discovered this was the only one . I had come this far , and was not about to give up because one person was awake . No way , I was too tired and hungry , and if I waited any more days I would probably get sick . I peered in the window , and noticed it was only Lillian , alone in the living room , watching TV . And she looked to be asleep anyway , her eyes were closed and she was lying on the couch as if it were a bed . Great I thought , this should be easy . I was fortunate enough to find that the front door was unlocked - figures - and this happened to lead right into the living room . There would be no breaking in , no trapezing through other rooms looking for her and possibly alerting other family members . I just walked through the front door . I guess she must have been half awake , or in a wake - dream state because she mumbled something about it . It was to the effect of " Lexxie , that psycho stalker bitch what do you want ? " And I whispered shhhh as quietly as I could before covering her mouth and nose with the chloroform towel . Then I sucked the blood out of her jugular as I always do . I was disapointed at how shallow she was . Usually when I kill , I get a whole fleet of emotions , ideas about the world and so on , but from her all I got was superficial feelings about petty high school drama and the tv show " The Hills " and " Grey 's Anatomy . " Like who the hell cares about that shit ? There was absolutely nothing real or interesting about her . In fact , I fear I may need to feed sooner than usual because of it , as this is something that helps to satiate the hunger . What an idiot . Anyway , as soon as I had drained her , I left . I quietly tiptoed out of the house and sped walked ( running would be an eyesore for anyone who would happen to drive by ) back to my car . I felt good , I had eliminated an enemy and maybe was a step closer to being with Alex . Most importantly , my hunger was subsided for at least a lil while . One thing that bothered me , however , is what she said before she died . She called be a " psycho stalker . " How does she know that I am in love with Alex ? If she knows , he must know too ? I do not want him to think I am crazy . . that will make him run . Anyway , I made it back home safely , thank God , except for one mysterious thing : I noticed the same red Nissan with a NY license plate in the town in New Jersey where I made my kill and back in my home town . I find this a little worry some , but if they were going to do anything they would have by now , I think . Anyway , I told you I would provide a picture of my cats . Here 's one , his name is Banana . I 'll show you the other two on my next update . Tonight I must get ready for my journey to New Jersey . I have been to New Jersey before , and have always found it to be a rather boring trashy place . I mean , look at the Jersey Shore . That is how these people live , seriously . The place should just be destroyed . Anyway , this may prove to be my trickiest kill yet because it is so far and I do not know the layout of the area very well . My parents are asleep usually around midnight , and my mother wakes up around 6am . . . This is when she gets up to feed the cats , eat her breakfast , read the newspaper and then take her morning dump . We have three cats , and I will take pictures and show you guys later if you so desire . Anyway , my window of time is midnight - 6am . Since I have no school tomorrow , I get to sleep in so I am not worried about going to school afterward . The problem is this place is a whole two hours away . That 's two hours there , and two hours back . What if I crash , or I get pulled over in New Jersey and they want to know why I am so far away . In fact , in NY if you are under 18 you are not supposed to drive between the hours of 9pm and 4am anyway . I don 't know what they do if they catch you . Also I am terrible with directions . Even with my GPS on my iPhone , there is no guarantee I won 't get lost . I guess I just have to go and do it . I know exactly where the house is . Apparently it is in a rather isolated area of New Jersey ( who knew New Jersey had isolated areas , I thought it was just a big cesspool of guidos , and we all know how guidos always have to be near other guidos . ) I will drive around the area a little bit first , going past the house and looking for a nearby place to park . I know there willl be a lot of people in the house , so I must be extra quiet when I break in . First , I will see if there are any unlocked doors ( most people do this because they 're dumb , especially out in the country . If there are not , I willl see if I can slide a basement window up , and if I must I will resort to breaking one . I am also going to bring cloroform with me , so that when it is time to kill she will be passed out . I will put it over her face before I bite , so she doesn 't scream out and get me noticed . The body . . . well . . . I don 't think I can carry it out , as much as I would like to and to ditch it somewhere . I don 't know what the family is going to think about her body , and what the medical examiner is going to say . I am worried , but then again I always stress before a kill . Anyway , one of my readers suggest that I put up a poster that says " Bitch you got raped " or something awful like that and tape it over Bailey 's locker . I feel that I should do this . I don 't have school till Wednesday , so it won 't be until at least then , but I want to do this . I will also , of course , post pictures of said event . What do you guys think ? Vote . ( Poll is on the sidebar ) Last night I had a bad dream . In my dream , I saw them having sex . Hot steamy mind blowing orgasmic sex . I don 't want to go into detail because it gives me shudders to think about . Oh how I loathe her . I have decided that Lillian will be my next victim . Right now , she is staying at her grandparents house in a small town near NYC . I am going to have to drive about two hours to pull this off . Because Lillian is an idiot and uses Facebook Places , I know the exact location of her grandparents . I have already mapped it out . My main concern , however , is the distance . It is going to take me about 2 hours to get to this place , not to mention the ridiculous amount of gas . I am hungry , and normally I would not choose to go this far , but I feel this will be to my own benefit . I am riding myself of an obstacle in my goal of obtaining this boy . Sometimes I worry that I am too obsessed with him . I look at his facebook like 80 times a day . I think about him constantly , when I 'm in class , eating dinner , taking a shower , and of course before I go to bed . Wat do ? ! I want to stop being a crazy obsessed stalker . . . and getting rid of Lillian won 't help , not at all . Anyhoo , this popular girl from my school , named Bailey , got " raped " . There was a party last night , that of course I didn 't get invited to , where they were all drinking , and supposedly someone put something in her drink and roofied her . Then 3 jock douchebag assholes who I can 't stand anyway took her to the basement and had their way with her for like an hour and a half . This is the same girl who about a month ago in biology class said very loudly to the girl sitting next to her that I looked like a ' pug faced bitch ' and would be a virgin forever . This is probably because I accidentally ran into her in gym class . We were playing dodgeball and I jumped to catch the ball and ended up falling right back into her . She gave me a dirty look and that was it at the time . Anyway , when I learned of her rape , I lol 'd so hard . Serves that bitch right . Is this wrong though ? I am SO happy this happened , that is if it did happen . It might have been consensual , she was kind of a slut after all . Anyway , this tidbit made my day : ) I hate going to school . I hate it . Every day I have to wake up at 6am , which is wayy to early . Were it up to me , I would sleep until 1pm , and go to bed around 5am . Its what makes the most sense . However , they do not allow for that kind of schedule while you are in school . It 's fucked . I also hate going there because everyone seems to fit in , but me . I mean yeah , I have a couple of friends , but for the most part no one really talks to me . I am not sure why , maybe it is because I was poor ? I used to have ugly raggidy clothing and no cable tv , no internet , and was yelled at by my parents a lot . It created quite a rift , and I felt I had nothing in common with most of the other kids . Stuff finally changed last year though , when my father FINALLY got a full time job . That is why I have the junky car that I do , and I am thankful for it , because without it I would have to go to much more extreme measures to feed like I used to when I first became a vampire . It was very nerve racking , having to sneak out on foot , hijack a car sometimes , other times call a cab . This makes it so much easier to be seen and caught . I am thankful that is not the case anymore . I am weak because I have no had blood to feed on for almost a week . It is not noticable yet , thank God , but it will be soon if I don 't take care of my need . I can 't decide what to do . Should I kill someone , and eat them like I did last week ? I might be able to get away with sneaking into a blood bank and taking some of the donated blood . I do this sometimes in between kills , its not as satisfying as actually killing someone , but its more moral , and it means less of a punishment if I am caught . I can 't do that for more than a couple weeks in a row though , because I do get too weak if I don 't kill . I might do that this week , I dunno . Another option is to go into a nursing home and take the life of someone who will die soon anyway . I have done this on occasion , its just that its very difficult to sneak in , and then I have to roam the place looking for someone who appears to be dying . One time , I went in the middle of the day to a nursing home about an hour from here , pretended i wanted to see my Grandpa ( I made up an name and sadly they did not check ) . I then went from room to room , making sure there were no nurses till I found someone . It took me 45 minutes to find a good victim . I was so fortunate no one caught me or said anything when I left . I don 't think anyone thought it was a murder though , as i did just walk out like normal and there was absolutely nothing in the paper . . Sometimes there is . Only one reporter suggested there is a serial killer in the area though , surprisingly . I would have thought they would have caught on by now , I am not the best at covering my tracks , even though I do a pretty good job . Speaking of the paper , I haven 't seen a word about the death of Mr . Pedophile . I think they might have not discovered his body yet , as he was unemployed and lived alone . It should be smelling something awful by now though , so I am surprised the neighbors haven 't called . It will happen eventually , I am sure . I don 't know , I can 't concentrate on doing this , really . All I can do is think about how upset I am that Alex has girlfriend who is not me . WTF ? ! I just want him to be here so he can lie in my bed with me and hold me . Is that so bad ? ! Okay , so I could , technically , eat that girl . Our school is having fall break this week , meaning that we get Monday and Tuesday off . This girl ( her name is Lillian ) is going to New Jersey with her family over the break . I know this because I am currently stalking her facebook ( yes , I am stalking her , like creepily stalking her , but she has no idea ) . I am thinking I might drive there on Monday night ( it 's about two hours away , she stupidly posted the exact location she will be at ) and doing the act . This is , really , my only chance to do this because I am afraid people would get too suspicious if it happened close to home . I mean , I just murdered someone else associated with the school . But , I was thinking , if I do it in New Jersey , they will probably figure some creep there did it . So what do you guys think ? Should I kill her , go to a nursing home , or do the blood bank thing this week ? I am starting to lean towards her , but I am undecided . I will have to make up my mind soon though , because its good to plan things out in advance . By the time Sunday night rolled around I was famished . I felt weak , I could barely breathe at times , so I knew that it is time to feed or else I don 't know what would 've happened . I have never tested it I have never found out what it is like when I do not eat . I suppose I eventually just fade away into a pale shriveled ball of nothingness . I do not like what I do , but the exhaustion overwhelms me and I must make a change . I must eat . Still around midnight I set out . I snuck out of my house I crept down the stairs tip toeing like a cat in hopes that my parents would not see or hear me . We live read at the end of a long driveway and not many cars pass on Adjacent road . I had to be very quiet for any noise would startle them and arouse their suspicion . when leaving the driveway I didn 't turn my headlights on so there was nothing to see . the drive to Michael 's house with probably the easiest part of the whole ordeal , this is where I was the least nervous . I had not done anything wrong yet and if a police officer stopped me all he could do was give me a small traffic violation ticket which I can easily pay or smile my way Out of . This took 15 minutes . Like me Michael lives in a quiet neighborhood . I parked in the same is vacant lot I told you guys about earlier . I feared someone would see me driving into the lot . I knew my fear was a rational but I also knew that when police make investigations they take no chances , and examine all suspicious behavior . And well parking in the lot at this time was rather suspicious however I did manage to park in the dark shaded by some trees . Where I was parked no one could 've seen my car . I ran through the woods and got Michael 's house . This was the safest route . I was able to come right into the backyard and I snuck into the back porch he always keeps unlocked , I checked in my stalking visit . Most people don 't lock their porch doors . I slid the door open quietly he had no animals so there is no dog to bark me and alert the neighbors . This is a good thing . I used my cell as a flashlight because the light it makes is very dim and would probably not alert anyone . I creep in Jay 's room and I slid my hand over his mouth . I did not say a word . He did not wake up . I wasted no time in biting his neck and clamped down on his jugular and sucked . He must of been sound asleep because he did not murmur not a word , not a sound , not an utterance . You would be surprised how many people do not wake up when you 're biting them . I guess it must not hurt very much . I fed for a whole 5 min . at first his breathing was a long hard and regular but soon it slowed down a slow drawl , a rattling drawl , and his heartbeat became weaker it was the sound of death he was dying in my arms before my eyes and I was sucking the life out of him . It was so wonderful I felt alive for first time in ages , or what seems to be ages anyway . I can breathe it was good news I wanted to rejoice and he was flailing , lying there all faltering dying but I did not care , did not care . I need to take care of me . And then the ecstasy of his death was over . I felt really worried I had to leave I had to leave now before I got caught so I ran back out the way I came . Back to my car back out of the lot , the vacant lot and drove all way home as fast as I could not speeding or breaking any laws . I didn 't want to get pulled over that was the last thing he needed . I needed to slip back home quietly and announced unfortunately when I got home my parents were there and they were waiting for me . My mother 's eyes were glaring at me and she was angry . fortunately she did not suspect that I killed someone she is figured that I went to go visit my friend or some boy and she told me that i am grounded for the next week this is why have not been on the computer to update my information and tell you it 's been going on . I am sorry and I will try to make sure that I update this more frequently . The sad thing is I am hungry again and need to eat again soon or else I feel I will go insane . a I 'm not sure my victim will be but I 'm thinking maybe that girl ? I am afraid I might be too close to eat her , for I do not want to raise any red flags with the police or anyone else that i am doing this . I have just eaten someone who has a connection to my school , i don 't want to do it again and have them circle in on it . . that would be bad . Okay , so I went to the movie and it seemed to be pretty good , but I could barely concentrate on it , so I really didn 't pay enough attention to give it an accurate review . I will say , however , the acting was really on par for the most part . The body language ( which is really important to me in movies , because it is very telling at how well done the movie is ) was spot on . The reason I wasn 't able to pay attention to the movie is because Alex was there with ANOTHER GIRL . What the hell ? ! ? ! ? I had absolutely no idea he was going there as a date . The entire time , all I could do was sit there and shake . She wasn 't even as pretty as me , in fact shes repugnant looking . She has a little pig nose and lots of pimples . The only reason he likes her is because the populars accept her . I bet he saw me there ( I hope not but he probably did ) and thought I was stalking him . . . I mean , I WAS stalking him . He probably thinks I 'm a creep now I dont know if he knows how much I like him , but I suspect he does . He always looks at me funny and seems to avoid me . I don 't know what to do . . should I eat her at some point ? Not yet obviously because I intend to consume Micheal on Sunday night . In fact , I just got back from watching his place . Looks like he turns his lights off at around 11 . He also lives on a quiet street , and I know for a fact no one shares the other half of his duplex . He also doesn 't have a dog ( a big plus ) and doesn 't lock his porch screen door ( I checked ) So what I think I 'm gonna do is get there around midnight tomorrow . I will park in a vacant lot which is in a development near his . That place is also quiet , and most people are in bed by this time . So my plan is to get there , quietly walk to his house from my car , sneak around the back and get in through the porch . Then I will tiptoe to the bedroom and it will be a wrap from there . This is what I hope anyway . It rarely ever goes as planned , there are always small complications that I did not think of , or weird run ins . Also the escape is usually the most tricky part . I have to park my car as far from the scene as possible , but I also want to get there as quickly as I can so no police or other people will get to me first . This way , I can make it home in the fastest time possible . Wish me luck ! I 'm in my stupid computer class right now , and all I can think about is how hungry I am . Yes , I still enjoy human food ( cheese and ice cream being among my favorites ) but I need blood . One time , I bought a cup of ice cream before feeding , and still had it when I attacked . I dripped their blood on my cone and it was delicious ( ice cream was vanilla of course ) . You should try . Anyway , who the hell needs a computer class . You know what we 're learning right now ? TYPING ! Yes , HOW TO FRIGGIN TYPE . I am a senior in high school , don 't you think I know how already ? Oh my god . Idiot teacher is trying to teach us how to type with two hands instead of finger peck . It isn 't 1990 anymore , everyone knows how to use a computer . And this is AFTER we spent a week learning how to turn the computer on and log in , how to create a login , blah blah blah . Their budget is too big if they feel the need to hire people to teach classes like this . Goddamn . Anyway , I am going to see The Social Network tonight . It looks dumb , and personally I think facebook is even dumber . The only reason I 'm going is this guy Alex who i have been in love with for the past 4 years will be there . Lana ( my best friend ) agreed to go . I guess we 'll just try to bump into them ? I dont want anyone to think I 'm a stalker , but maybe I am ? I dunno , but I just cant stop thinking about him half the time . My name is Lexxie I have held in a secret for a long time that I can no longer keep . Something is wrong with me , seriously wrong with me , and has been for about 4 years now . I crave blood . I must have it , or I think I will die . I don 't know what would happen if I didn 't drink blood , because I have never gone without it since this started . I must feed about once a week , but sometimes I feed more than that . It depends on the day , and my mood . I 'm 17 , and attend the local high school . No one has any idea , not any of my classmates , my teachers , my parents , no one . Not a soul . I have to get this off my chest , I want to tell you about my life . It 's been four days since I last had a drink , but I can feel my body already starting to crave it . I feel week and my skin feels numb . The whites of my eyes are turning yellow and my shiny ginger hair has lost is luster . I am already planning out my next victim . His name is Micheal Henderson , and he lives in the next town over ( I am hesitant to reveal my location for now ) . He is 32 years old , with balding brown hair and slightly overweight . He is a teacher who used to teach biology at my school , in fact I had him . Last year he got fired because he apparently having relations with one of my classmates , this boy named Jacob . Jacob is one of the smaller boys in my class , he has thick binocular glasses and mousy hair . No one ever really paid him much attention until this happened . Personally , I didn 't even know of his existence until the incident . I found out because one day I went to my bio class and we had a new teacher . The new guy was hesitant at first to tell us why Mr . Henderson was gone , but eventually he let it slip that there had been an incident with another student . He didn 't say what . We all found out when we got a letter in homeroom the next day , explaining that a certain biology teacher named Mr . Henderson was caught performing certain ( yet unspecified ) sexual acts on one of our classmates . It asked for anyone else to come forward who knew anything , implying , of course , for other victims to come forward . No one did . No one wants to own up to something like that . At first no one knew who the lucky student was , but people soon began to suspect when they noticed Jacob had been gone from his classes . Of course , it took them a while because not too many people even knew there was a Jacob , and that he happened to be in their class to be missing . I guess it must have been lab day , or some activity where he would have been forced to interact when someone first noticed he was gone . Apparently students started asking their teachers , and the teachers gave them vague responses , telling them Jacob would be out of school for a few weeks . Because the teachers did not specify and were being so evasive , everyone figured it out . Outwardly , all of my peers pretended it was terrible and shocking , but inwardly , in each inner click , everyone laughed . This big , disgusting middle aged man , who was probably the only person to talk to Jacob ever , was doin the dirty with him ? Why Jacob ? Couldn 't he have picked one of the hotter boys , if he really had a thing for dudes ? Of course not , they would have told , it had to be Jacob , that quiet invisible loser . I most certainly laughed right along with them , and internally I did , of course , find it funny , but at the same time it made me cringe and I secretly wanted to befriend this kid I had never talked to , because I wasn 't very popular either ( I 'll get to that another day ) and I had my own dark secrets . Okay , so back to my bloodlust . Why did I choose this man ? Because he did a horrible thing to my peer ? Of course not ! Let 's be real here . The reason is he is a loner , and since he now has no job ( no one will employ him ) no one will miss him when he 's gone . Of course , the police are going to notice something is amiss because he does have to go to court , but this is a good thing . They 're going to think two things1 . He ran away because he wanted to evade the stigma of a pedophile and potential ( certain ) jail time . ( He 's lucky he is out on bail right now ) . 2 . Even if he is dead , they are going to be happy because everyone in society hates pedophiles . And if they don 't know he is dead , they are going to be just happy he is gone from the community never to return . I want to let you guys know that this is in no way my first victim , and nor will he be my last . I just feel that since I am starting with today as my first entry , I must tell you what I am doing right now , and that is this victim . When I mark a victim I usually go through the following steps . 1 . I make a decision . There are usually loads of good victims that week , or sometimes there are none . It changes from day to day , week to week and month to month . 2 . Stalking . I will follow the victim ( not too closely as I am much too lazy for that ) and learn their schedule , where they work , and when is the best time for attack . 3 . Planning . There isn 't usually much involved here other than I get on my gloves and figure out a way to sneak out of the house or convince my parents that I am going somewhere and not to worry about me . Then I get in my car and go . I also acquire whatever tools necessary to do break ins and what not . Often it is nothing more than a baseball bat , and usually not even that because I am excellent at picking locks , or finding an unlocked window or whatever I can fit into . Usually not a lot of prep . 4 . The attack . Here , I find my person . I creep up on them , and bite their necks . This is an instant immobilization . I just get their jugular for the instant injection of whatever it is that makes them stop moving . Then I just suck and suck and suck until I am satisfied . They die within a few minutes . I do not like the blood after they die , it is stale and no good . 5 . The escape . This usually just consists of me getting in my car and leaving . Of course , on the way there and back I use back roads and follow all traffic rules to ensure not getting pulled over and suspected . On a final note for the night , I just wanted to talk about what I gain from the whole thing . I mean , of course I feel full , like I just had a giant feast , but I feel the most interesting part is the emotional aspect of the whole ordeal . It is interesting to feel a persons pulse as they expire . At first their heart will beat really fast will all the adrenaline pumping through their systems , but after a while , it faints to a bare murmur . Their breathing goes from strong and confident , till you start to hear them make this obnoxious rattling noise and it slows down . Their eyes close . Also , I can feel them . Sometimes I get memories from the person 's life , other times , I get emotions , thoughts , ideas about the world and their philosophy on life . It has taught me a lot , and I do not regret it . |
Two years before Jim 's unexpected passing , he looked at me and said he 'd like to get a dog , in particular a Golden Lab . I was thrilled . I love animals and we 'd always had either cats or dogs or both since we 'd been married . But in the eight years since our last animals had gone one by one on to animal heaven , Jim had said , " No more . " When I inquired as to why , his answer was that I treated them like children rather than pets . " It 's too hard on you when they get sick or die , " he said . " I can 't stand to see you in such misery . " He had me pegged pretty good . So how was it that he 'd changed his mind ? I asked . His answer stunned me . " I don 't feel like I can be your protector much longer , " he said . " And I don 't feel like I can guard the house . " I had noticed his evening routine was becoming more hit and miss than it had ever been in our entire married life . For all of those years he had made his nightly rounds , making sure the garage doors were closed and locked , same with the front and back doors to the house . He turned on the security lights , closed any open windows , and shut the drapes or blinds . He 'd done it ever since we 'd said our " I Do 's . " Even as the Parkinson 's disease progressed to the point where Jim needed a walker on good days and a wheelchair on bad ones , he continued his evening check to make sure the house was secure . Sometimes he 'd already have gone to bed only to get up when he remembered he 'd not checked things out . When I told him I 'd do it , he commented that it was his job . Besides , I was too short to be any sort of threat to a intruder . I always laughed when he said that . I am a little over five feet tall ; Jim stood six feet and even stooped with the Parkinson 's , he was still a formidable presence and his upper body was strong , even if his legs weren 't as steady as they used to be . I figured it was all that exercise he did everyday plus the three - mile walks he prescribed to so religiously . It was so like him to keep going forward . I have always believed that his determined spirit and faith in Christ is what kept him functioning with an incurable disease that took him long before he actually became bedridden . We wished to adopt a shelter dog , but Golden Labs just didn 't show up . Then one day I checked the Humane Society website just for the heck of it and discovered there were two Golden Labs . One was a purebred ; the other a mix of Golden Lab and German Shepherd . Both were only two years old . We hopped in the car , hoping they 'd she 'd still be there . The purebred was already spoken for ; the mixed breed wasn 't . And while she was definitely shy with Jim , much preferring me or the attendant , Jim didn 't care . So it was that we brought Bonnie home . She destroyed our newspapers , a couple of paperbacks , the shearling on Jim 's and my Ugg slippers , three throw rugs , my bed of Japanese iris already in bud , and on her down time , dug a hole under the fence nearly big enough for her to get through . The gardener found it and blocked it just in time . She barked at anyone who dared come to the door , walk on the sidewalk , or ride a bike on the other side of the road . She slept by the front door and wouldn 't budge , even though we wished her to sleep in our room . Jim had gotten the guard dog he 'd wanted . Well , not exactly a guard dog . Just a noisy barker , alerting us to anything that moved anywhere outside . We were alright with that because she was sweet and gentle and quiet as a mouse the rest of the time . And she was smart . Little did we know how intelligent she was . It took many months for us to discover the real reason God had sent her to us . In my mind , I 'd lost not only my husband , but my protector , my confidante , my lover , and my best friend . Perhaps I was the only one besides the Lord who understood why so much anger built inside me . I tried telling those closest to me about the volcano I was becoming , but even those who listened didn 't hear what I was saying . And rather than trying to understand , they offered gentle lectures on how a Christian should be thinking and acting in the face of loss and it finally dawned on me that since none of them had ever walked in my shoes , they could not begin to comprehend what I was trying to tell them . The few who heard my rants and raves tried to give advice rather than just sitting and hearing me out - - which is what my heart wanted them to do . I didn 't want to be told the typical condolence messages : " He 's in a better place now , " or " You should be happy he is no longer diseased and debilitated , " or " You should be grateful he went fast , " or " It may take some time , but you 'll be fine . " In my book , all those were fighting words . And the more I heard them , the angrier I got . I didn 't want words . I wanted someone who would sit on the couch and cry with me . One young man Jim and I had known for several years , and whom we thought a lot of , called two days after Jim 's graveside service to remind me that I had missed my birthday and we should have a party . I was aghast and barely knew how to answer . Still in tears most of each day , I thanked him for thinking about my birthday but that I didn 't wish to celebrate . A week later he phoned again . " Are you better now ? " he questioned . Doing my best not to let loose a diatribe of rage , I said I didn 't think I 'd ever be better . He reminded me again that I 'd missed my birthday and a party was due . I told him there would be no birthday that year and to please forget about it . Acquaintances phoned , asking " How are you doing today ? " What I wanted to do was scream at them : " How do you think I 'm doing today , you idiot ? " Instead , I pursed my mouth tight , asked the Lord to give me grace , and told them I was doing alright but that I was still crying most of the time and that I thought it would take years to work through the grief I was feeling . The usual comment was , " Really ? Years ? I got over my mom 's , dad 's , cousin 's , aunts , uncle 's death in a few months . " You know what I wanted to shout at them ? " You didn 't sleep with them or snuggle up to them or create children with them or sit on their lap and cry when someone told a huge lie about you at church and then passed it around as truth . You didn 't hold their hand when you were scared or passionately kiss under a star - filled sky or zip your sleeping bags together on camp outs . You didn 't flirt with them or tease them with your eyes or fight with them , knowing that when it was time to make up , it would be good . " I wanted to add , " I 've buried my parents , four aunts , three uncles , a sister - in - law and a child . Trust me , we are talking about two different worlds as far as grief is concerned . " But that isn 't what I said . Instead , I blamed myself as being a slow learner , unable to process hard things in a quick manner and that it would probably be a long time before I was ever " fine " again . In my heart , I could hear molten rocks beginning to bubble , adding to the smoke plume already visible to my inner self . Six months after Jim 's death , it was time to do something about my hair , for I 'd pretty much ignored it for a long time . When I sat down in my hairdresser 's chair , she commented that I certainly was due for a cut and color . " No color , " I said . " Let it stay gray . I 've no one to look pretty for anymore , so who cares ? " She asked how long it has been and when I said , " Six months , " her comment was , " Oh yeah , I thought it had been a long time . " I bit my lip to hold back tears . A long time ? It felt like yesterday . Nine months after Jim 's demise , I received a long email from someone I 'd been close friends with since we were both in our early twenties . It was the most devastating email I 'd ever gotten . The woman whom I 'd always considered to be my best friend announced that I had behaved badly toward her for the few days she 'd stayed with me before Jim 's graveside service . She remarked that I 'd treated her as though she were a maid rather than a house guest . She went on to say that in the six years since she 'd moved to another state , I 'd called only four times , and never just to see how she was but for a prayer request . I was a bad friend and had always been moody and she just couldn 't handle it anymore . She concluded by saying I was self - absorbed , thinking of no one but myself and while she 'd said nothing for years , it was time now to speak her piece . The volcano blew . My mind reeled with emotions . " Why now , God , I sobbed . " Why now when I 'm already so far down I am having trouble just seeing the top of the pit ? " What felt to me like her betrayal of our long - time friendship was the final straw . During those six years she 'd mentioned , I 'd devoted every minute to my husband , wanting to spend as much time with him as possible because I knew Parkinson 's was progressive and I could see with my own eyes that the disease was taking a toll on his body . In all honesty , I 'd phoned no one to see how they were doing or just to chat . Not even my two sisters whom I love dearly . I waited a few days to calm myself , then emailed her an apology , explaining that I had almost no remembrance of the three months following Jim 's death and that I was truly sorry for anything I 'd done or said that was unkind . Would she please forgive me ? What I received as an answer was that she needed time off from being in touch with me , at least a year , and would I please not contact her anymore . That evening , I threw myself across my bed and sobbed . Not with grief , but with anger so encompassing I felt as though it would choke every breath out of my being . I could not think to pray . Words eluded me . I laid myself upon God 's mercy , able to say nothing more than " please help me . " I eventually cried myself to sleep and when I woke in the wee hours of the morning , I felt completely spent . Yet inside was this tiny glimmer that an answer was coming . Exhausted as I was , I changed into bed clothes and crawled under the covers . The last thought before falling asleep was that tomorrow would be the Lord 's time to set me free from all encompassing anger . Little did I know that God was after some things in me that needed to be resolved before the release would be effected . But right now I needed to sleep , so like Scarlett O ' Hara , I determined not to think about it until tomorrow . Six months before his death , Jim and I were having a conversation about our finances when he casually told me he 'd been praying for a long time that the Lord would take him home soon . I could barely believe my ears . He 'd said it as casually as one would comment on what a nice day it was . We 'd had such a happy marriage , I couldn 't fathom any reason why he wished to leave me . I put down the sock I 'd been knitting and moved onto his lap . " Why would you ask such a thing ? " I questioned . " Are you sad with your life or the way the Parkinson 's has advanced ? " He shook his head no and put his arms around me . " I see how much money goes out of our savings every month to pay the nurses who take care of me , " he said . " The last thing I want is to leave you with nothing to live on when I 'm gone . So I 've been asking the Lord to take me soon . " I cried . I stroked his dear face . I hugged him close . How like Jim to put me first . It was so typical of how he 'd always been . The fact that he 'd rather be dead than leave me penniless was exactly something he would think and say . I told him I 'd rather have him with me and end up so poor I 'd have to move in with one of our kids when he was gone . He smiled - - as much as a Parkinson 's face can smile . He hugged me tighter but said nothing more . As far as he was concerned , the subject was closed . He never brought it up again . I was sixteen and a junior in high school . And while I 'd noticed the boy across the street , I 'd not paid him much attention because I knew he was much older than me . I found out later , after we were married , that Jim used to sit in the big recliner in front of their livingroom window and watch me when I was outside . One day his dad questioned if Jim had noticed that cute girl across the street . The oldest one . Jim had agreed that I was cute , but still in high school and too young for him to date . I will always love his dad for saying , " Your mom was fifteen when I took her on our first date . Go ahead , ask her out . " He did . To Disneyland , no less . My mom said no . Dad said Jim came from a good family and it would be alright . I never knew how dad convinced mom to let me date a boy five years older than me , but I was allowed to head off to Disneyland the next Saturday . We dated for six months before Jim told me he loved me and questioned if I loved him too ? I stood there with my mouth open , not knowing what to say . I liked him alot . We 'd had good times together . But love ? For heaven 's sake , I was a high school kid who played clarinet in the band , wore cotton socks with my loafers , and bounced around like a typical teenager . I 'd been having the time of my life dating someone who could take me nice places and surprised me with fancy restaurants rather than the local drive - in . I liked him a lot and told him so . And then I told him I didn 't know if I loved him . I 'd have to think about it . He was alright with that and told me to let him know what I decided . After that , Jim was at our house every chance he got . He 'd walk across the street on weekends to see what I was up to and inquire if I might like to see a movie that night . He popped in to ask if I wanted to go to the carnival that had come to town or maybe I 'd just like to take a ride . On school nights , he called every evening , knowing full well I had a fifteen minute talk allowance . He 'd seen me at my best on date nights and at my worst doing weekend chores : no makeup , in my grubbies , hair in pin curls and he still insisted he loved me . Somewhere along the way , I 'd decided I loved him too and finally told him so . We got engaged . My folks liked Jim but even so , I still had a year of high school left and there would be no wedding until after graduation . I wasn 't thrilled . Once I had decided I loved Jim , I wanted to get married so we could be together . Speaking to mom was like beating my head against a wall . Dad was little better . About three months into our engagement , I suggested to Jim that we elope . He thought it was a bad idea and tried to talk me out of it . He said that while his parents wouldn 't care , mine were sure to be hurt and angry and he could understand why . I 'd honestly given the subject a great deal of thought . I didn 't want to have my mother 's wedding . Being the oldest , and mom being the social butterfly she was , I knew what it would entail . I simply didn 't want the stress of my desires against hers . Better to face the disappointment my parents would have if I eloped . It was a good decision on my part . My dad was alright with our being married . Mom was more than upset , mostly because she said everyone would think I 'd had to get married . And even though Jim and I both assured her that she had no worries , she walked off toward the kitchen , handkerchief at her eyes , mumbling that that wasn 't what all her friends would think . had two kids . People said our marriage wouldn 't last . I insisted they were wrong . I 'd dated enough to have made some decisions on what kind of husband I would look for when the time came . I 'd also gone with Jim long enough by now to know his kindness , his gentleness , and his dry sense of humor that could put me into gales of laughter . I knew his shy , soft - spoken ways , his slow smile that always seemed to creep across his mouth , and that his love for me was as real as mine was for him . When we finally said our " I Do 's , " in front of the minister at a small chapel in Yuma , Arizona , Jim was twenty - two . I was seventeen . And despite some arguments here and there and an occasional downright disagreement , we both considered ourselves happily married for the next fifty - three years . In writing this story , it has occurred to me that in order for the reader to even partially understand my grief at losing Jim and the agonizing anger that built up in me for months after his funeral , it is important that you know a bit about the man I loved for what amounted to most of my life . And while I would never say to another widow that my pain has been greater than hers , what I can say is that we who have lost the love of our lives completely understands what each of us is going or has gone through - - regardless of the circumstances of our loved one 's death . As for me , I have buried both of Jim 's parents and both of mine . Jim and I buried our first child , who died shortly after birth due to a lung defect which , in those days , could not be repaired . The pain of losing my folks was difficult to bear ; the horror of having my first child die and never being allowed to see her , hold her , say goodbye , or be released from the hospital in order to attend her funeral , is still a raw nerve in my soul . As devastating as all of those losses were , I came through them because I had Jim to hold onto . He was the rock in my sea of loss , for he had always given me understanding and honor as directed in 1 Peter 3 : 7 and I was grateful for it . Did I feel guilty and ashamed over having anger infuse my heart ? Yes , but the emotion was so powerful , it built and built over several months until I felt like a volcano about to erupt . It began with my being left behind , alone , feeling like half of my heart had been ripped out and too rent to heal . I was also angry over having had to watch Jim die so unexpectedly right before my eyes and the debilitating video loop of that scene that liked to play in my head at every time of day . That 's where it began . But it wasn 't where it finished . And while I continued to ask the Lord to lead me through this dark valley where I could see no light , and while I continued to ask forgiveness for my anger , it didn 't go away . At least not for very long . I didn 't know that what I was feeling was normal and that God understood . I also didn 't realize that God was teaching me something about Himself that I could learn no other way . In all the years I 'd been a Christian , I 'd experienced the peace that passes understanding in tangible ways . In my mind , that peace was something the Lord gave in selected incidents - - such as the time I went into emergency surgery with little hope of coming out alive yet had utter peace within my soul and spirit that whatever happened , I would be alright . Was it possible to live in that peace all of the time ? I thought not . But God wanted to teach me how wrong I was . Three years before his unexpected death , Jim nudged me awake in the wee hours of the morning and said " good - bye . " Fuzzy - headed with sleep , I couldn 't comprehend what he was talking about . He patted my cheek and said , " It 's been a wonderful fifty years . We 've gone places and seen things and had a wonderful time . I 've always been glad I married you . " I asked if he was alright . He shook his head yes . Then it dawned on me . " Jim , do you think I 'm dying ? " He answered yes and said he wanted me to know how happy he 'd been in our marriage . I informed him I was fine . He must have had a bad dream . His reply ? " Oh , good . I 'm glad you 're O . K . " He turned over and went back to sleep . Looking back , how I wish I 'd had the presence of mind to tell him how blessed I 'd always felt to have him for a husband . How grateful to God I 'd always been for giving me a godly mate when I hadn 't even been asking for one . Looking back , I wish I 'd said a lot of things that night . Sleep was gone from me anyway . Why didn 't I carry on the conversation ? The worst part was , regret had brought all its friends along : depression , anger , anguish , terrible sadness , disorientation , helplessness , forgetfulness , easy distraction and trouble focusing . I can honestly say that in those first few weeks , God cushioned me in what I 've come to call my shock - bubble . I knew others could see me and while I saw them , I understood little of what was said and I remember almost none of it . I considered that shock - bubble would last until all the ceremonies were over and family had gone home . To my surprise , the Lord kept me sheltered from the cares of the world for a good three months . My kids tell me things I did or said that I have no recollection of . I don 't argue with them . They are not liars . I accept that I was in a fog most of the time , with no recall even to this day . While inside my shock - bubble , I felt free to emote , knowing the Lord would not condemn me . I recall some emotional outbursts that were so intense , they imprinted themselves on my heart . I recall the deep sadness that engulfed me and lingered so long I determined I would feel like that the rest of my life . I also recall that twice I lay on my bed , screaming at the top of my lungs at how unfair it was that Jim should be with the Lord and I 'd been left behind to pick up the pieces and go on without him . I know I had a complete meltdown at least once . Mostly what I recall is the exhaustion . It was an unexplainable tiredness that went into the marrow of my bones and which no amount of sleep could alleviate . Mostly I remember begging God to remove that gut - wrenching video loop of Jim dying that kept playing and replaying in my head , making me feel as though I were going crazy . Maybe I already was . I later learned that I had shut down to the reality of my world because I couldn 't figure out a way to deal with it . I didn 't know how to be alone because I had no experience with it . I 'd married Jim right out of my father 's house . In all my life , I 'd never been by myself . Despite my sometimes hysterical outbursts and silent sadness , I knew the Lord was there , right beside me , allowing me to grieve fully and that it was alright with Him . The other thing I knew with certainty is that Jim was no longer stooped or shuffled when he walked or unable to make his feet move at his command . He was no longer dependent on someone to care for him , push him in the wheelchair or take him for walks so he could get out into the outdoors he loved so much . We had talked about death , the two of us together . We 'd make our wishes known to our children . Yet between Jim and I we 'd always had a plan of going together , for one of us could not stand to live without the other . So much for the plans of men . Anger grew in me till I thought it would consume me . And while I was happy for Jim , I was sorry for myself . Most of my friends misinterpreted it as my being angry that Jim had been taken from me . But that was far from the truth . The anger was at being left behind . It grew to the point it became a monster in my soul . And I knew I 'd have to deal with it if I were ever to heal . Because I couldn 't find a grief recovery group close to my home , I bought book after book about recovering and asked the Lord to help me know what to do . I was experiencing such a wide range of emotions and especially forgetfulness , that I actually thought I might have developed Alzheimer 's , the disease that took my mother . I am so grateful that the Lord led me to just the right books at the right time . I learned that I wasn 't crazy , that forgetfulness and being unable to focus were normal for what I was going through . I learned that sudden loss takes such a toll on us that sleep is all the body wants and that it is best to follow the body 's leadings without feeling any guilt . I discovered that I wasn 't the only widow who felt as I did - - that it was pretty much common to all widows , given we are each an individual with our own time clock for dealing with disaster . I learned that feeling numb all the time was a given ; that I should ignore those who told me to pick myself up and get on with life . I read that I would get well in stages and that I would have to go through each stage in my own way and time . I finally understood why I could read my Bible yet not comprehend the words I 'd read nearly all my life was due to shock . I discovered that I should not feel guilty about avoiding those who phoned or came by , wanting to know all the details of Jim 's sudden demise . I also discovered that keeping my draperies closed and not answering the phone unless it was immediate family was normal for someone who was walking through the loss of a loved one . I read that time doesn 't heal all wounds . The pain of loss will diminish but the heart will always remember . I found out that there were drugs available to help me through this dreadful time , though I chose not to take them . I can 't stand not being able to think clearly and I didn 't wish to hamper having a focused brain return to me . I learned that I must give myself all the time I needed to heal . I had already figured out there were no quick fixes for me . I would have to travel the road so many widows had traveled before me and with God 's help , I would come out on the other side wiser for having gone through the journey . Yet on Palm Sunday of 2010 , Jim sat up on the edge of the bed , vomited , passed out and died - - in less time than it takes to tell it . And while my brain acknowledged what was happening , the whole scene seemed surreal . Like a nightmare from which I 'd wake to find all was well . But that isn 't what happened . Because I 'd witnessed the whole scene , the video played and replayed in my mind and heart so that it seemed I lived through that agonizing moment over and over again with no reprieve - - even during sleep . And while I didn 't recognize what had happened to me for many months into this journey , I had gone into shock to the point that everything seemed out of focus . I was confused and dizzy at the same time . I found it impossible to think or function . Decisions were impossible . If not for my daughter and her two grown girls to make every arrangement , I would have been lost . I discovered , to my horror , that I could no longer drive safely and handed the car keys over to my sister who had arrived by the end of the first day - - mainly because no one would ride with me and told me so . I was dangerous behind the wheel , or so my family said . I knew they were right . I had gone out on the second day to buy groceries and got lost along the way . What makes it so ridiculous is the fact that the store is less than a mile from home and one I 'd shopped at for untold years . Because Jim was a Korean War Vet , I wished a military service for him and although we gave the Navy little warning , they came through with flying colors and in just two days , produced a color guard and a bugler . The service was small , just immediate family . Our pastor gave a wonderful message and led us in some of Jim 's favorite songs . I had asked him to read John 1 : 6 - 12 , one of my husband 's favorite scriptures . He spoke of Jim 's love for his God , his country , his family , and the legacy he had , not just to his family , but all who knew him well . My kids wanted a memorial at church and I agreed - - as long as I didn 't have to do anything but show up . My son and daughter combined forces , long distance , and orchestrated a lovely service that took place two weeks after the graveside service . I was honored that all of our family showed up as well as so many of our personal friends and more than a few of Jim 's friends who had worked with him for so many years before he had had to go off on disability and eventually into retirement . If you are a widow you know that the grief doesn 't end with the burial or the memorial . Family goes back home ; friends cease to call . The world continues to turn on its axis and life goes on . Life went on for me too , although I didn 't wish it to be so . After begging the Lord to take me too and getting nowhere , there came a time I decided I 'd best get on with grieving and heal so that I might continue with living . I knew it was what Jim would want me to do . Herein is my story about that journey . It is the hardest road I 've ever had to walk . Along the way I learned that I was not the only one who had lost of the love of their life and been forced to begin again - - alone . This is also a story of faith and discovering first - hand that the Lord really does walk with us through that dark valley . No other way could I have survived . In all my searching , I could find no other widow writings that resembled the one I wished to write . Many books I read concerned finding a new spouse ; others are about picking yourself up quickly and getting on with life . Neither of those subjects represent me or the widows I know or have spoken with . Those who study the subject of widows and widowers say that those who have been in a long and loving marriage grieve about three years , and while the pain eventually dims , the heart never gets over the loss . One widow told me that she 'd gone to a grief group , only to be told to find a new man and get into a relationship as quickly as posssible . It didn 't have to be a permanent one . She never went back . I understand why . Another widow told me she 'd been ostracized from all the friends she and her husband had hung around with for so many years . The other wives had mistakenly decided that now that she was single , she 'd come after their husbands . Better off to banish her . What a sad commentary on our world today . What I 'd like to share with my readers is not only the pain of instant widowhood , but the gentle way the Lord dealt with me , allowing me to fully grieve with meltdowns , endless sobbings , and all the other ways a widow handles losing the love of her life with no warning . What I wish to debunk is the notion that Christians either don 't or should not grieve . Our God is merciful , allowing us to move through the grief stages as quickly or slowly as is our nature . I 'm a slow mover . A slow processor . The Lord knows my frame better than I do . He lets me take all the time I need . |
I 'm a 61 year old mother of three grown children and 6 grandchildren . I live in a southern state , and work in the information technology field . I enjoy sewing , and love antiques . I grew up in Arkansas . Raised my family and then went to college . I know about cotton picking and hard work . My dad was a sharecropper , and we grew up on a working farm . I have tried to instill good morals and a hard work ethic in my children . Yes , that 's right blogger buddies , I 'm angry . I don 't get angry very often . Isn 't good for the old blood pressure , but I 'm angry . I 'm sure you want to know why , right ? I picked up tickets for my DIL and Superhero to go to the Circus last night . My DIL paid for them , I just picked them up for her . $ 28 for two tickets . This was bargain night . I didn 't think that was too bad . She only carried $ 15 in cash in with her thinking that would buy them something to eat and drink . She had promised Superhero some cotton candy . They went to the concession stand to get a small bag of cotton candy . They charged her $ 10 for said small bag of the stuff that probably even counting labor cost less than a dollar . If that isn 't highway robbery I don 't know what is . That left her with $ 5 bucks . A small lemonade was $ 6 , and the sword that he wanted which was less than 18 inches long and flimsy plastic was - - are you ready for this - - $ 14 . Needless to say , he was unhappy because every 5 minutes someone came by selling stuff that he couldn 't have . He even wanted to leave before it was over . I felt sorry for Superhero , but I felt sorry for my DIL too . Since they 've been here with me , she and Superhero haven 't had a lot of special time for just them , and we both thought this would be perfect , and it was a disaster . Anyway , let me tell you that Ringling Brothers circus can come to town all it wants to , but we won 't be spending any of our hard earned money going to see them . If we want to see animals and have a good time , we 'll go to the Zoo . It would be money much better spent . So , I 'm getting off my soapbox . I need to quit fuming . Have you been angry lately ? Have you spit and spewed about something ? I told you my storey , tell me yours . I have to know . Have a wonderful Wednesday . Do something silly . Make someone laugh . I went to the box office here on campus and picked up two tickets for the circus yesterday . My DIL is taking Superhero tonight . We discussed it this morning , and I think he is getting excited . Since they 've been here , my DIL hasn 't had a lot of time to spend with Superhero one on one , and this will be just the thing for them . We talked about the elephants . He said he 'd never seen one , and when I told him it would fill up my living room , he seemed a bit worried . But I assured him it would be a nice elephant , and they might even be allowing boys and girls to ride . That sounded ok but he wasn 't too sure . Then he wanted to know what other animals would be there . I didn 't want to tell him certain animals would be there and him be expecting to see them and maybe there wouldn 't be any and he 'd be disappointed . So I told him there might be a lion , but he wouldn 't be allowed to ride it . He was more concerned with being consumed by it , but his mom told him he was far too skinny and he wouldn 't make a good bite for a big lion . When I left for work this morning , they were discussing their evening . I 'm more excited about my evening . I get to keep the little princess tonight while they are gone on their adventure . She is a good 10 month old , walking , playing , and giggling . We have fun together , and she goes to bed really early . What are you looking forward to this evening ? Does it involve work , play , children , grandchildren or just some good tv , maybe out to a movie ? Whatever your plans , share them with me . I just have to know what you are doing . Hope you have a wonderful Tuesday . Do something silly . Make someone smile . First let me say I 'm thankful for every day that I am allowed to put my feet on the floor under my own power . As you get older , it becomes a trial in itself to do that sometime . However , I can 't help having the Monday Morning Blues . Simply because the weekend just wasn 't long enough . I cleaned house on Saturday , so that day was pretty much lost . But I didn 't have to be rocked to sleep Saturday night either , so that was the blessing for that day . I love Sunday 's because we have the privilege of worshiping the one true and living Saviour . I was also honored to have my DIL and the little princess attend worship with me . Superhero had spent the night with his other grandmother , so he didn 't go with us . We ate Chinese after services , went home and all took that Sunday Afternoon nap . My son and DIL have decided on a floor plan , so we watched a lot of HGTV to help her get some ideas for floor coverings , cabinets , countertops , lighting , wall colors , brick - - the list goes on and on . I really like the floorplan she had chosen , and I know they will be glad to get it built and moved in . My son is in the process of specing it out so they can give the totals for building to the bank . I 'll miss getting the little princess up in the mornings and spending time with her . I 'll miss seeing Superhero when he first wakes up and gets ready for the day . But I will also be happy for them to be in their own place . A special thanks to Will from Teensy and the Boys for the cookbook . I got it in the mail Saturday , and am already picking which recipes to make first . Hope everyone has a great Monday . Do something silly . Make someone laugh . It 's late on Sunday afternoon . So I took a nap already . Don 't hold it against me . It 's one of those cloudy gonna rain days . But I did manage to get out and get this shot of my Clematis before it started raining . For years I tried growing these flowers . I think they are just beautiful , whatever color they are , but I was about to give up on them when I had a conversation with a lady who grows them beautifully . Her advice was to keep their feet cool . I told her I watered them a lot , but she said they needed their roots to be hidden well from the heat and sun . So I took her adivce . I planted this one . Covered it 's roots with plenty of soil , mulch and I think I even put a couple of stones at the base , and sure enough , it grew . I had trouble getting it to climb the wrought iron post , but some fishing line helped that problem . I think it is gorgeous . Tell me about something you had a hard time growing . Flowers , garden veggies , kids , anything . I love knowing all about you . PS . I made that superhero cape yesterday . Have a blessed Sunday . Do something silly . Make someone laugh . And boy , am I glad it has . It 's been a busy week at my house . There 's always a lot going on when you have extra people . My DIL has been and continues to be a great addition to my household . She is very good with the kids , and we 've worked out a functioning routine so that we manage to get up and out on time in the mornings , and we 're pretty laid back in the evenings . My son came in on Monday afternoon to look at the house she had found , even though by the time he got here , she had pretty much decided it wasn 't the house for them , but he went out and looked anyway . And he agreed with her . It 's a lot of house , but chopped up in a not so good way . So , when he left on Wednesday , the decision was to make an offer on a lot . If they didn 't get it , there wre two more choices . Their offer was accepted on the first one , and now it 's getting the paperwork done so he can start doing the dirt work . I 'm already thinking about when they move out . It 's going to be really quiet at my house , and I 'm really going to miss being able to read to Superhero at bedtime and getting the baby up of the morning and feeding her first bottle . But , being so close , Superhero can go home with me and I can bring him back to school the next morning , and when the baby outgrows the babybed , she can do the same . Right now , she tends to want to get off the bed or couch by going headfirst . I 've learned that the best way to get along with my children is to keep their children safe when in my care . Long as you do that , they 'll forgive most anything else . At the age of 59 , I 've learned quite a few lessons , most of them the hard way . What are some you 've learned ? Just because it 's Friday doesn 't mean I 'm not still inquisitive . Or if you haven 't learned any valuable lessons in life , just tell me what you are doing today . That 's always fun to find out . Have a great Friday . Do something silly . Make someone laugh . I made the mistake of telling Superhero that I would make him a new cape . I told him this on Sunday , and that I would look for a pattern and fabric this week and make it on Saturday . He meets me at the door every day to see if I have said pattern and fabric . I am trying not to run errands at lunch to conserve gas during the day and do them on the way home in the afternoon . So far this week , I haven 't been able to do that . But he is quite insistent about the whole thing . My procrastination is causing me additional trouble because now he not only wants a cape for himself , he wants one for his dad , and both cousins . What I thought would be an hour or two job at best , is going to be a whole day job . My concern at this point is that his dad will get the most use of the cape . I raised a big child . A big child , I 'm telling you . He spends a lot of time with Superhero , taking him to work with him , letting him help around the yard and garden , and then playing . And dad doesn 't sit and watch , he participates . While dad was here this week , I missed them . Superhero was riding his bike and dad was running along beside . It was a sight that made my heart flutter . Has your heart fluttered this week ? Come on , tell me about it . I have to know . Have a great Thursday ( looks like mine is going to be wet ) . Do something silly . Make someone laugh . I know you 've been checking my blog often this morning to see what I had to say about The Great American Trailer Park Musical . It was a hoot ! It was corny , trashy and very funny . It was set in Armadillo Acres , in Stark , Florida . There were three gals who basically told the story , and they did a great joy . One had a husband on death row , one 's husband was buried behind one of the trailers , and the other one 's family had disowned them and she had a hysterical pregnancy and wore maternity clothes all the time . The first song they sang had to do with whether they lived on the right side or the wrong side of the tracks , and basically said they lived on THIS side of the tracks . The one whose husband was on death row was the funniest . She was a ditsy blonde and said whatever came into her head . The story was about a couple who had lived in the park for 20 years . He had been a highschool football bigshot who was failing geometry , and she was a math whiz . He asked her to help him pass geometry , and the rest is history . He now is a toll booth collector , and since their baby was stolen , she hasn 't been outside of the trailer . She 's trying to get over her agoraphobia , and he ends up at a strip club where he gets picked up by the new stripper in town , who just also happens to have moved into the park next door . He has an affair with the stripper . His wife throws him out , and the stripper 's marker sniffing boyfriend comes to town to shoot them all . During the confrontation , the boyfriend mentions that his mama used to sing him a lullabye that started off , ' The devil went down to Georgia ' , and when the agoraphobic wife sings the next line , ' He was looking for a soul to steal ' , then she knew he was her stolen baby , and now they could all live happily ever after . The language was a little rough and the sexual enuendos were a little explicit , but other than that , it was funny and very entertaining . My five friends went also . Four of us started and finished school together , and then we have two we 've adopted . Everyone got a kick out Posted by I was checking out a few of the blogs that I always check out , and Chocolatehic had posted about a shrimp and penne pasta dish she and the boy had made . Knowing how much my little superhero loves shrimp , I decided to try it . After work , I went to the local Kroger ( where we have the best choices of ' fresh ' seafood , and bought a lb of shrimp , some Old Bay seasoning and a couple of other items . I went home , peeled the shrimp and had it all ready in about 30 minutes . Hey , I could do 30 minute meals with that one - - look out Rachel Ray ! The pound fed my daughter - in - law , my grandson - aka superhero , myself and my son when he arrived for a visit . A couple of times , I caught superhero with garlic breath and knew he 'd been in sneaking an extra shrimp , but then again , superheros need extra nourishment . It was a quick , easy dish to prepare , and delish . If you like shrimp and pasta , head on over to Chocolatehic 's Place , and get the recipe . And as an update , superhero was Spiderman last night . I asked him how he slept last night , and he said great . I asked if he had to go out on any calls to save the world , and he said no , things were quiet last night . His dad came in about 8 : 00 last night for a couple of days to meet with a builder today and decide if they are going to take the house they 've been looking at that 's almost finished or if the great land hunt will start up again . He can build , but he 's looking at probably 4 months to do that , and they really would like to get into their own place . Superhero has been sleeping with his mother , but when his dad came in , he lost his spot and knew he would have to sleep with me . He told his dad that he ( superhero ) should sleep with his mother , and that he ( dad ) should sleep with his mother . It didn 't quite work out that way , but we all managed to make it through the night . Tonight is The Great Trailer Park Musical . Expect a critique of it on tomorrow 's post . Hope you are having a great Tuesday . Do something silly today . Make someone smile . As many of you know , my daughter - in - law and the two grand children are staying with me since she has started her new job , and while they continue to look for a house / land or someplace to live . My son has remained at the other house to finish up some contracting jobs and sell the house they have in NW Arkansas . Needless to say , there is never a dull moment at my house . The baby is now 10 months old , walking and quite entertaining , but she can 't hold a candle to her 4 year old brother . He has Superman and Batman pj 's complete with capes , and whenever he dons these outfits , he becomes the super hero on this clothes . Saturday night after he got his Batman pj 's on , I heard him ask his mother , ' Does Batman have blonde hair ? ' . You may have guessed by now , his is blonde , and he wants to be completely accurate in his potrayal of the Caped Crusader ( that is Batman , right ? ) She got tickled and I didn 't hear her answer , but I 'm sure she said probably since he would have been totally crushed had the answer been ' no ' . I was telling one of the ladies at church yesterday morning after he 'd introduced himself as Bruce Wayne ( Batman 's counterpart , which I 'm sure you already knew ) and she had a really good answer . She mentioned that you can 't see Batman 's hair since it is always covered with the thing he wears on his head with the pointed ears . Now who would have thunk it ? You would totally think Batman 's hair would be the same color as Bruce Waynes , but if he can transform himself into a Bat , I guess he could change his hair color . Oh , and by the way , I have convinced him that John Wayne is Bruce Waynes ' father and that I was Wonder Woman when I was younger , but when I gained weight , I had to return the costume since it no longer fit . And even though I swore him to secrecy , he has managed to tell several people that I 'm Wonder Woman . As you can see , I 'm doing my part to warp my grandchildren . So , do you think Batman could have blonde hair ? I 'd like to know your opinion . It 's that nosey thing I have going on . Have a great Monday . Do somePosted by What a dreary day . It has been pretty all week with warm temperatures , but today it is raining . It has been falling steadily since about 9 : 15am , and is supposed to do this all day . On a lighter note , I purchased tickets for me and five other gals to go see The Great American Trailer Park Musical . Classy name , huh ? It is a new show about agoraphobia , adultery , 80 's nostalgia , spray cheese , road kill , hysterical pregnancy , a broken electric chair , kleptomania , strippers , and disco . It 's supposed to be everything a musical should be . We will see it next Tuesday night . I think it will be hysterical . This will be six women going to see this . No menfolk allowed . And I think I 'm the only one who ever lived in a trailer , although it wasn 't in a trailer park . It was attached to my husband 's grandparent 's house . How wierd is that ? This little trailer had been attached to their house for my husband 's great grandmother , so they could take care of her . When she went to live in assisted care , we moved in . There was heat in this little trailer , but no air conditioning . It was like living in a tin box in the hot sun . Let me tell you , I was almost cooked through and through by the time we moved out . Oh , and I was pregnant during the summer , so I was really hot . Maybe that 's what 's wrong with daughter # 1 . Do you think I actually cooked her before she was born ? How did I get way off on this subject ? Who knows . Anyway , I think the musical will be lots of fun . What is your next fun thing to do ? I have to know . Does this aversion to knowing all your business come from being the only girl in the family ? I 'm also a middle child , but then Ree at Pioneer Woman seems to have that niche tightened up , so I won 't attmept to use that as an excuse . Have a great Friday ( and hopefully a dry one ) . Do something silly . Make someone laugh . See this pretty little girl ? That 's Maddie , Madelyn Elise to be exact , but she likes Maddie . She spends the night with me almost every Thursday night and I take her to school on Friday 's . She 's 4 and goes to school at Discovery Island . Her mom works 4 days a week , and would have to drive into town on her day off if Maddie didn 't spend the night with me . I have to come to work on Friday anyway , so I drop her off on my way . When I pick her up this afternoon , she 'll talk my ear off until we get home , and if she can talk me into it , we 'll stop at McDonnies ( McDonalds ) for her favorite meal which sometimes is a burger , and sometimes chicken nuggets . But most of her sentences will start with , ' You know what Memaw ? ' and if you don 't say , ' what ' , she 'll say it again . I try to be attentive enough that she only has to say it once because if she has to repeat it more than twice , she sometimes forgets what it was that she wanted me to know . We talk about what letter she 's learning in school . What she had for lunch and snack . Whether her best friend Emma was there , and what Evan Pitman did to her that day . I think Evan has a little crush on her . She 's in for a treat tonight since my DIL and chidren are staying with me for a while , she and her cousin Ivan ( a month older than she ) will get to play together . These times have been few and far between but now that they are moving to our area , hopefully , they will get to play often . If everything goes as planned , they will both be in the same school district too . Needless to say , I 'm excited about having her tonight . She is bright , funny and has the cutest little speech impediment , which I can already tell is going away . And she can play with a few strands of that long brown hair , cock her head to one side or the other , and bat those eyelashes and get absolutely anything she wants . Who are you excited to see today . I must know . I know LisaJ is getting her grandbaby today or tomorrow . What fun you 'll have . Have a happy Thursday , Do something silly . Make someone laugh . Was anyone surprised when Priscilla got voted off last night . I couldn 't decide if it would be her or Shannon Elizabeth . But I think probably Priscilla has fewer people to vote for her than the others . It will be interesting to see who goes next . I felt sorry for Denny Crane and Shirley Schmidt on Boston Legal . Shirley for losing her father , and Denny for being in the courtroom when Alan talked about his friend and what he had to face down the road . And what about the Biggest Loser ! I was rooting for the fellow who needed health insurance to win it all , but wasn 't unhappy when the other fellow won . He had worked really hard too . I had forgotten , if I even knew , that someone of those who had been voted off would get the $ 100 , 000 . I had even mentioned to my DIL that they had to have continued help or they wouldn 't have continued to lose weight . It 's just a fact , you aren 't going to keep working that hard unless you have an incentive . Well , that incentive just happened to be $ 100 , 000 . I was relly excited when Ali won the top prize . But I wonder why it 's only $ 250 , 000 . Now I know that 's a lot of money , but to be put on display every week , dressed in blubber revealing clothes . Well , let me tell you , it would take more than the possibility of $ 250 , 000 to get this fat girl dressed in bicycle shorts and a tank top . I might do it for half a mil , but I 'm thinking I 'd need the whole million to get me out there dressed like that . Standing up there each week knowing that millions of people are looking at you each week and saying , Gee , would you look at those stretch marks , or those are the ugliest man boobs I 've ever seen ! And that 's exactly what we said too . Each week while I eat something as I sit and watch this show , I promise myself that tomorrow , I 'm going to go for a walk before work , or I 'm going to start doing the tapes I buy and then never use . I think I have some of Richard Simmons ' Sweatin to the Oldies ' , and I know I have one of Billy Blanks ' TiBo tapes . And yes , I have a yoga and a pilates video also . But I guess I ' aPosted by And I don 't even know for sure what it was . We were warned about a late spring freeze last night . It actually got down into the high 20 's and we set a new low . I went out last night and covered up my clematis that has about a gazillion buds on it . Really about a hundred . I went out last night and took this picture of my neighbor 's dogwood tree . I am afraid after the freeze last night , the bloomage won 't last long . Is bloomage a word ? If a bird has ploomage , can 't a tree have bloomage . Let 's see how long it takes this word to show up in Webster 's Dictionary . That 's my Japanese Maple on the right of the picture . It doesn 't bloom , but I don 't know if the cold will hurt the leaves . It is really pretty in the spring , but by the time the cotton is planted across the street and sprayed , my tree will look a bit puney . This picture is of my Redbud tree . It was in full bloom last week , but with the wind we had a few days ago , most of the blooms have not fallen off . I was on my way home yesterday and smelled some freshly turned soil . With all the rain we 've had , that was a welcome fragrance . Hopefully , the farmers can start getting into the fields and things will be back to normal . I can 't wait for the clematis blooms . It is a soft lavendar color and is one big bloom . And I love the way the blooms look once the petals are gone . They sorta swirl around . I don 't pinch them off , because they are so different . I 'd like to thank daughter # 2 for winning a book for me from Baking and Books blog . I had installed a new printer at home , and afterward for a while couldn 't go to the comments section of several of the blogs I read . When I told her about my problem , she submitted a comment on my behalf , and won . What a great daughter she is . And so are you daughter # 1 . Don 't want any fighting going on betweens sista 's . Tell me about what 's blooming in your life today . It doesn 't have to be a tree or flowers , it can be anything or anyone . I have to know . Have a happy Tuesday . Do something silly . Make someone laugh . I posted last Friday about family members who may not be around when your children are grown . The only way these children will know how much they were loved and cherished by those family members is through pictures of them being held and loved . Our children need to know they are loved , not only by us , their parents , but they need to know how much they are loved by all their family members . If you think about it , relatives who are not in your life much , just don 't mean much to you . And if you have parents and grandparents who are gone by the time you are big enough to really remember them , they won 't mean much either . I issued a challenge to everyone to make lots of pictures of family members with your small children . They may have to ask who that is holding them , but that gives you an opportunity to share with them how much that person loved them , and how much your children meant to them . I had a comment from Ohmommy from Classy Choas who had a very similar post . And yes , great minds do think alike . I especially loved the picture of her grandmother in her apron . It reminded me of my grandmother . I have few memories of her since she died when I was five , but one thing I do remember is her aprons . Most of my memories are just snippets , but they mean a lot to me . And I do love to read sappy posts . I like those that are funny , silly and make me laugh , but I love those that bring a tear to my eyes as well . For all we read and hear about the terrible things that happen in this world , I am thrilled to hear about the close ties we have through our love of family . I also feel I have gained a new family through this medium . I could spend several hours a day reading and commenting on blogs . Our internet may often be used for bad things , but finding people of kindred spirits across this country and all over the world is truly a good thing . Hope you have a happy Monday . Do something silly . Make someone laugh . Sunday afternoons are always a sad time for me . That means my weekend is about over and it will be time to go back to work soon . We had a great time yesterday afternoon at the pig - in - the - ground barbeque at church . This is the third annual early spring event . We had lots of wonderful food to go along with our barbeque . Baked beans , salads , corn on the cob , deviled eggs , and the deserts were nothing short of wonderful . Someone even made a hundred cupcakes decorated like pigs . The kids loved them . We had a good age range too . From the very young to the very wise . The reason this is only our third annual event is because our congregation has only been in existence for 3 years . It will be 4 in June . We started out with 130 the first Sunday , and now have about 600 each week . We began in a rented building with plans to build , and when we grew so quickly , that plan was scrapped for a bigger plan , and we are already outgrowing our classroom space . We are truly blessed ! Our service this morning was a study about the Holy Spirit . The minister talk about being filled with the spirit , and that the Holy Spirit came on the apostles on the day of Pentecost , but it 's something we don 't tend to delve into deeply . I think we just assume it 's there , that it is part of the Godhead , and we pretty much leave it at that . Now it 's back home , working on laundry for next week , getting some cooking done and hopefully a nap . First I have to go get some strawberries ready for my grandson ( aka Superman ) . Hope you are having a wonderful Sunday . Do something silly today . Make someone laugh . What a glorious day the Lord hath made . The sun is shinning , the Robins are digging in the front yard , the water is receding and it 's just a great day . We 've had a lot of stormy weather these past few weeks . Lots and lots of rain . We aren 't in the same sad shape as many of our neighbors who have lost homes and livelyhoods . It 's beginning to look like there may not be too many crops planted . But looking outside this morning , it 's absolutely beautiful . There 's not a cloud in the sky . Who can 't look around and smile . My granddaughter , who by the way has taken up residence in my sewing room , woke up this morning smiling and laughing . I got her up , changed her , fed her , played with her and let her take an early nap on me . I am truly blessed ! Her mama and big brother ( Superman as he 's known today ) slept a while and I enjoyed the quiet time listening to the steady breathing of the baby on my chest . Everyone is awake now and Superman is talking a mile a minute . I think he 's trying to get his mother to be the big bad wolf . The Three Little Pigs are his favorite story . No more quiet time . We have a barbeque at church this afternoon , and it 's time for me to decide what my contribution will be . What are your plans for today ? I need to know . Hope you have a happy Saturday . Do something silly . Make someone smile . My oldest daughter lovingly called Daughter # 1 said she 'd better not see any pictures of her on my blog . I 'm so sorry Daughter # 1 , but I found this picture of you , your brother and my dad ( your Papa ) , and I just couldn 't resist . It was her birthday , she looks to be about 7 or 8 , so that makes this picture 30 some years old . Notice the old frig in the background . I didn 't take nearly enough pictures of my dad , and other members of the family . I encourage anyone who reads this blog to take pictures of the older members of your family as often as you can . They will mean an awful lot someday . My children got to know their grandfather very well . He died in 1993 . They spent a lot of time with him . And occasionally they let something slip that he allowed them to do that I would not have approved of then . Nothing dangerous or illegal , just things I wouldn 't have liked . But they have grown into healthy , adults with few after affects of the time he was in their life , and I think he would be proud of the people they 've become . I know that a large majority of the people who blog have really nice camera equipment , and are taking lots of great pictures of nature . But I 'm issuing a challenge to get some really good photos of your older family members with all the grandchildren you can possibly get into the pictures . Pictures of birds , snowstorms and sunsets are really pretty , and I most certainly enjoy seeing them , but those that will be treasured most are the ones of your children with older members of your family . I 've encouraged daughter # 2 , who has managed to come up with come really nice camera equipment , and she 's good with it , to actually set up a photo shoot with her girls and their Papaw Clyde , and Memaw Ozelma . These are great grandparents who probably won 't be at the girl 's graduations or weddings . So I think it 's very important to document for their future those who love them unconditionally . I want them to be able to see the love those great grandparents have in their eyes for them . When you get a chance to make some of thePosted by I watched with interest last night as Diane Sawyer interviewed Randy Pausch . He 's the college professor who has Pancreatic Cancer , a wife and three small children . He initially was given 3 to 6 months of quality life . He has written a book titled appropriately , since he 's a teacher , ' The Last Lecture ' . What did he do with this information ? Did he go home , crawl into bed and begin to feel sorry for himself ? Sure he had his moments , but he went home to live out his last days the very best he could . His theory is you can 't control the cards you 're dealt , just how you play the hand . " He has a lecture online that I 'm going to find and watch . They played excerpts last night , and talked one - on - one with him and his wife , but I think it 's very important to listen to the entire video he made . We are all faced with adversity , but this man is facing it with the utmost grace and dignity . He is very aware of what is happening to him , but is choosing to make it the best time of his life along with that of his family . He talked about his doctor asking if he were depressed . He told the Dr that for a healthy person , he probably was depressed , but for a man with a terminal disease , he thought he was doing very well . The Dr agreed . I could identify with a lot of the things he said . Five years ago , I was given a probable death sentence . I was told without surgery , I would die , and probably wouldn 't make it through surgery . I then had six weeks to get ready . The first couple of weeks , I was in a lot of pain , but after that time , I didn 't feel like anything was wrong . I just wasn 't allowed to do anything , and couldn 't get excited about anything . Each time I went in to see the surgeon , he was surprised that I was still alive . And it seemed to irk him that I was not only alive , I was laughing and joking . He kept telling me I was in denial . I finally explained to him that I knew what my chances were . I was doing everything he was telling me to do , but I saw no reason to sit around and moan and complain . Instead , I made dresses for my dauguter # 2 ' Posted by What 's wrong with this picture ? Why would that big kid take a tricycle away from a little kid ? Is that what 's happening ? Who knows . I can tell you they are brothers . I can tell you they love each other . I can tell you that under no circumstances would the bigger boy would be mean to the little one . I 'm hoping that one of my daughters remember this photo op and ' splain it to me ' . I think it was a family reunion , and probably the little blue thing on the side was what the little guy was riding . But I found it and thought it was a hoot . But whatever had happened , the little guy was not a happy camper . And also , the bigger boy is definitely too big to be riding that trike , which may have belonged to him years earlier . The little guy is now almost 11 years old , and the bigger boy is 23 . I 'm sure neither of them would be thrilled to know I 've posted this picture . But then they probably won 't unless daughter # 1 tells them . She happens to be their mother , and will probably have a comment to make . We 're beginning to prepare for our family reunion which will be Memorial Day Weekend . I am already looking forward to seeing everyone . I have only two brothers , no sisters , except those I 've adopted over the years . One brother lives in Kentucky , the other in Mississippi . We talk on the phone , and email some , but I 'm always happy to see them face to face . If everyone in my immediate family comes we 'll total 20 . That includes children , spouses and in my case , grandchildren . We 'll also have some cousins on both sides of the family spend some time with us , and our step - parents will be there . I 'm thinking there may be another 20 . I may have to get more tables . Do you have family reunions in which you participate ? Tell me some of the things you do for fun . I really need to know . As I 've mentioned here for a while , I 'm in the process of making room for my DIL and two grandchildren while they are in transition . I absolutely can 't wait for them to be here . It 's so exciting for me that they will be living in this area so that I can spend more time with them . I 've missed so much time with the little ones and I can 't wait to start making up for it . I realize that so many grandparents never get to have that time with their grandkids as we are such a mobile society . And this has always been something we have had to deal with . In the early days of this country , immigrants brought their children and possessions to a new world and never once did they get to go back and visit with loved ones . What separation anxiety they must have felt . While this country was being settled , many young families moved west , never again to be able to be with their families . What now takes only hours to travel , took them weeks and months . We take our mobility for granted much of the time . There are no destinations we cannot reach within short periods of time ; money and possibly government restrictions aside . But I am getting to be one of the lucky few who will have all my children within minutes of my home . I 'll be able to spend time with them . I 'll be able to help get them to school . I 'll be able to have them spend the night whenever I want them to . If one of them calls , I can be with them in a matter of minutes . I am truly blessed . I started this post to complain about how I have accumulated so much stuff . I got a bit side tracked , but that 's ok . As I go through this ' stuff ' , I am having an opportunity to take a trip down memory lane . But as I look at some of the things I have kept , I am amazed at some of it . I have three nice sized closets in this house . Living by myself , I have managed to fill them all . Of the three closets , only a small amount of space in one has clothes that fit me . Some of these clothes have been in these closets for the entire seven years I 've lived here . I should have gotten rid of them long ago . Posted by If you haven 't already heard , Charlton Heston died on Saturday . He was an actor that I truly enjoyed watching . He was also a man who stood up for his ideals . He came under a lot of bad publicity for his stand on Gun Control . He was a man who took being a member of the National Rifle Association very seriously . I 'm a great fan of the American Movie Channel and Turner Classic Movies . Whenever one of Heston 's films is on , I always try to watch them . Now that is not to say I would miss a John Wayne movie if they were on at the same time , but I do think Heston is a legend . Speaking of old movies , I watched ' The Reivers ' last night with Steve McQueen . I saw this movie back when I used to go to the drive in . There were always two movies , and the second show one night was this one . The only thing I remembered about it was a car being stolen by McQueen 's character . But it was a great movie , and the main character was an eleven year old boy who became a man on a four day trip to Memphis . One of William Faulkner 's stories , it was set in Mississippi and Memphis . It was quite a hoot . I didn 't blog yesterday . I 've been trying to make room in my cluttered living space for my DIL and two children . I 'm so excited they are coming to stay with me during their transition of moving back ' home ' . But they must have a place to put their clothes and such . So I spent as much time Saturday and Sunday as possible clearing out drawer space ( I 'm such a pack rat ) and attempting to go through clothes that can be stored or given to Goodwill . How did you feel about Charlton Heston ? Are you a pack rat ? When was the last time you went through and did a thorough purging of things you don 't need any more ? Tell me the truth now . I 'm posting some early school pictures . As I scanned them , one thing I noticed was that there are no big smiles with teeth showing . I don 't know why unless I had lost teeth and didn 't want anyone to see the holes . As you can see , I was already into the western theme . I think this set the tone for my love for anything John Wayne early on . Notice I have bangs . My forehead is so high , that I have hardly any hair almost to my crown . This outfit consisted of jeans and the shirt was definitely flannel . I think I wanted to be like my brother so much that I insisted on being dressed like a boy . Then I found out about being a girl . I got my first home perm . We didn 't have running water in those days . I remember mother reading the directions and one of them was that you poured a certain number of pitchers of water over your head to rinse the perm solution out of your hair . And notice , I 'm wearing a dress . This is the third grade picture . The year I went from being the baby of the family to being a middle child . How traumatic . My life was never the same . The next photo is my fourth grade picture . That year was a blur . I honestly can 't remember anything about it except who my teacher was . She had pets , and I wasn 't one of them . This last picture is of me in the fifth grade . We had another Operetta , and I was a lady in waiting for Snow White 's court . My mother made this dress . It was pink cotton with a net overlay . I thought I was big stuff . This picture was made beside our house . How about your school days ? Did you enjoy them , or were they a blur like some of mine ? I need to know . I received an email about a comment I 'd left on another blog . I was asked to show some of my crystal / glass collection . If I get time today , I 'll take some pics of my favorite pieces and post them tomorrow . In the meantime , have a happy Saturday . Do something silly . Make someone laugh . It was a dark and stormy night - - oh wait , that 's the way Snoopy started his storys on his dog house . But it was - - a dark and stormy night and will probably be a dark and stormy day . But today is my brother 's birthday . Let me tell you about him . You 'd much rather hear that than to hear about the weather . He 's nine years old in this picture . John is 8 years younger than I . I was in the third grade when he was born . My older brother and I were sent to a friend 's house to get ready for school so my dad could take mother to the hospital . He was the only one of the three of us born in a hospital . Anyway , we went to school , and about lunch time , I was called to the classroom where my brother was a student and the teacher was a family friend . She got the privilege of telling us we had a new baby brother . I don 't remember what my brother 's reaction was . He was a stoic child , who seldom showed emotions . But as for me , I cried ! Yes , that 's right , I cried . I don 't know why . I don 't even know if I knew we were getting a new baby before that day . Back in the day , children weren 't privy to that type of information . It wasn 't discussed . Being in the ' family way ' was whispered . I can 't imagine why it was so hush hush . But it was . And now my life had been totally interrupted by a ' baby ' . So I cried . Maybe it was that I was such an introspective child that I suddenly realized that my days as the baby of the family were at an end . Maybe I saw days of babysitting in my future . Maybe I thought I 'd no longer be loved . Nope , I wasn 't deep enough to have those type of thoughts - - I just cried . Then my parents had the audicity to bring that baby home . We then had all these people come by to see him . Everyone oohed and aahed over him . Then my Aunt Connie and Uncle Crook - - yes we had an Uncle Crook , it was just a nickname - that came . Unbeknownst to my family , I made a deal with Uncle Crook . I traded that baby to my Uncle for three rabbits . What a deal ! I got three rabbits for one ole baby . And they wouldn 't cry and have to be fed and changed . But dPosted by I don 't remember taking this picture , but I think I was only 2 or 3 years old . This picture of my brother and me are one of several I 've run across . When my mother helped in the field , we stayed with our grandmother . The house in the background is hers . My hair was and still is very straight . But my mother always attempted to put curl in it . The best I can tell , I have some type of curlers in my hair . By the time I was in the second grade , mother was giving me home perms . I 've always thought it was interesting that my brother was holding that poor cat . Doesn 't it look like it is right where it wants to be ? Notice there is no grass . I remember my dad talking about having to scrape the yard . I guess is was cheaper than buying a mower of some type . My mother took a lot of photos . She had one of those little Kodak box cameras . And she was thoughtful about grabbing it when anything was going on . I didn 't inherit her ability to take good pictures , but fortunately my daughter # 2 did . Who was your family photographer ? Did you have lots of photos taken of you as a child ? Do you like to take pictures ? I have to know this about you ? In the meantime , have a happy Thursday . Do something silly . Make someone laugh . This is one of my favorite pictures from childhood . It was made in 1955 . It shows my brother and myself in crepe paper costumes made by our mother . Every four years our school put on an Operetta . It was quite a production and included any elementary student who wanted to participate , and I was all about participation back then . Parents were told what to get to make the costumes , and given a pattern , and then mothers or someone made them . My brother was a sunbeam , and I was a raindrop . As a younger sibling who absolutely adored my older brother , I rained on many of his parades . At school we spent time every day working on our respective parts . This was a musical with lots of singing and dancing ( oops , did I say dancing ? ) We moved around alot on the gym floor . There was a story told in song . I don 't remember what the story was for this one . But I do remember that in the fifth grade we did Snow White . I have the picture from that one too . I 'll post it when I find it . I 've wondered how we managed to get all that in and our school work too , but then , I remember , we didn 't have as much to learn back then . History books were shorter , and we didn 't have computer classes to go to . But we worked in our practice time . Do you have special events from your childhood ? I sometimes think I didn 't have a happy childhood , but I really did . We were free in the afternoons to roam the farm and play in the trees behind our place . There were always stray cats and dogs we adopted . Lots of dirt to dig in , and just the freedom to be a child . We never worried about someone kidnapping us or molesting us . It was a happier time back then . Tell me about a special time in your young life . I continue to struggle with that inquiring mind thing . You know the one my children call just being nosey . Have a happy Wednesday . Do something silly . Make someone laugh . I ended up with 21 eligible comments . Eligible meaning one per day excluding my daughters . I used Excel 's random number selection , and - - drum roll please - - Lisa J from ' My New Thing To Do ' is the winner . Congratulations ! If you will send me your mailing address via this email address - shirleysmith @ astate . edu - I will send your tea towels off in the mail to you . I have enjoyed playing this little game , hope you have too . Now on to other important things . Did you watch Dancing With The Stars last night ? I was pleasantly surprised at Adam Carolla . I thought he did a pretty good job . I do think they are being too hard on Marisa . All three judges jumped on her . I thought she did a good job as well . The sad part was they were so hard on her , and then just oohed and aahed over Priscilla Presley . Which I admit , she has done well also . But it 's almost like - let 's get the fat chick ! And being one myself , I don 't like that . I think the top ones will be Jason and Christi . He has such a smooth presentation , and she 's just downright good . But if they are going to cut Carolla some slack , they should cut Marisa some as well . She may be a performer , but she 's a singer , not a dancer . Let me get off my soapbox . I will not watch the show tonight , I will watch Biggest Loser . I 've decided that I just can 't devote two nights a week to one show that they drag out for an hour and could be done in 10 minutes . I don 't care about all the guest stars who sing and the dancing by others . Oh wait , I was going to get off my soap box wasn 't I ? I 've started cleaning out drawer space for my DIL and two grandchildren who are coming in less than two weeks to stay with me while they find / build a house . The chest I 'm working on right now has a lot of family pictures in it , so you may get bored with seeing me as a child , my parents when they were young , and even some of those two daughters who seem to like to argue on my blog comments . I also went to the chiropracter yesterday morning . I 've had what I call a hitch in my get - a - long , but I was about past gePosted by |
It has been seven weeks since John passed . Seven weeks that feel more like ten years . Only seven weeks . In that short amount of time so much has happened , and so much has changed . It scares me to realize just how quickly we moved on . Not in the sense that we have left our baby behind , but more like we just went on with life . Almost as if he had never been here . And it happened so quickly . I think about him constantly , I know we all do . But it is like he is this little shadow in the past . Was here , but never really here . I don 't know how to put into words the feeling I have when I think about him being gone . But there is this other feeling I can 't shake . This feeling like every day we don 't have him , is one day further away from his existence . I know he was real . I know he existed . I bear the pain of his loss . I held his squishy little body in my arms . Kissed his sweet face every chance I got . But there are times that it seems like he wasn 't real almost . I just can 't put it into words . Maybe if anyone reading this has experienced this kind of loss , they know what I am trying to say . Having these feelings makes me incredibly sad . These aren 't the terms in which I want to think of John , just the anxieties I carry now that he is gone . Along with about a million others . Like did he know we were there that day ? He was already brain dead by the time I got to see him again , so the realist in me knows he wasn 't aware of his surroundings , but the ever hopeful loving Aunt in me believes he knows we were there . That he knows we were loving on him in the flesh while we could and catching the pieces of our broken hearts that were falling with every little touch , every little kiss . It eats at me that the very last time we got to hold and love on such an incredible little guy . . . he was gone . I wanted to hold him forever . I want him in my arms now . The trauma of our loss rears its ugly head more often than we care to admit . We had to take Mom to Shands for a biopsy today . Shands was the last place we held John . Shands is where he technically passed away , but he was gone long before he made it there . Sitting here now makes my heart race and feel like the million shards it broke into are being shot across my chest . The trauma . That 's what I 'm talking about . The recognized symptoms that our bodies are dealing with trauma , maybe not from physical pain , but from spiritual . The staff here are still amazing . I will never be able to put into words how fortunate we were to have these people here for our baby when he needed them most . We take peace in knowing that even though there was nothing they could have done , they absolutely did everything they could to save him . They held our hands , held us , answered any questions , and made one of the most difficult days of our lives . . . easier . It takes a special kind of loving heart to work PICU . Not because they lose babies , but because they have to deal with those that are suffering the greatest loss any person can ever experience . Special hearts . Every year , since Scarlett 's first Halloween , we have made a trip to Dunnellon in Florida to the Pickin ' Patch . This is a great place to take your family and enjoy some fall festivities . They have live pumpkins on the vine that you can cut yourself to take home and decorate . They also have a hayride , hay slides for kids , a corn maze , a sunflower field , and all kinds of good fun for the family . They have it set up beautifully for photo opportunities as well . I always make sure to take advantage of the scenery to get snaps of the kids . It is priced so affordably that it is more than worth the trip . Anyone three and up is $ 3 . 00 and the pumpkins range from $ 4 . 00 to $ 30 . 00 plus . They have ornamental pumpkins , jack - o - lantern pumpkins , sunflowers , white pumpkins ( which are BEAUTIFUL ) , and they also sell gourds . There are rows upon rows of pumpkins ! The kids love it ! This year would have been John 's first trip . He was so tiny and new last year that there was no way he could have gone , but this year . . . he would have been walking and talking . . . giving us a go for our money ! It was overwhelmingly heartbreaking when we decided to go this year because we wouldn 't get to take him . I have dubbed him Our Lil ' Pumpkin King . Preparing for a day trip like this with my kids is a challenge ( Every mom just nodded . ) , so yesterday as I was getting things gathered , I dug up my camera . As I was scrolling through pictures , I found images of the day John was born . Laid out in all his naked glory , red face from screaming ! How I cried . . . cry now thinking of his fat little self . As I sat there an idea popped into my head . What if we took some pictures of John with us to the pumpkin patch , and took pictures of him doing all the things he missed . Then my dear friend anxiety stopped me in my tracts ! What if his Mommy doesn 't like that idea ? ! I have been very raw and honest in my blogs , but I also withhold a lot out of respect for my sister 's privacy . Everything I do , I run by her , so I did the same with the picture idea . She loved it , told me she wanted the prints . When we arrived we grabbed a wagon . They have tons of wagons there for customers to use . My first thought was John 's little chunky butt should be sitting in the wagon with Evan . It was hard . His little ghost is everywhere . So I decided to take a picture of John riding in the wagon . It just isn 't the same , but it was so profound to us nonetheless . As we made our way through the ornamental pumpkins , I snapped a couple of pictures of Scarlett and Evan sitting on these big crazy things , and decided to snap some of them holding John 's picture . I can 't explain that empty chest feeling that consumes your heart . That 's what we got . Pictures of pictures . As we made our way through the patch I took countless pictures . Each time we stopped it took a few minutes , and it seemed we tied up the photo op areas more than anyone . . . but it 's like people knew . They didn 't ask . They didn 't rush us , and they never got impatient . I suppose if you see a family taking pictures of a picture of a baby , it 's safe to assume it 's because he is not with them anymore . At times , I caught Mommy standing off in the near distance with that far away something is missing look . I felt so guilty . Watching my babies run and play . Getting to love and hug on them all day . While she gets pictures of pictures . Never once has she given me reason to feel this way , I just do . It 's something I will have to learn how to deal with . And even though her heart probably weighed a million pounds yesterday , she loved on the kids and enjoyed a beautiful fall day with us . Missing John just doesn 't describe the pain we feel . Virginia described it as an ache in her arms , sometimes physical , and most definitely internal . That accurately sums it up . Our arms are as empty as our hearts , yet we made it through another day . We made another great and happy memory , even through the pain , and John was with us even if not in person . Growing up , Angela and Virginia , were awful towards me . They were mean and picked on me . I was the baby so it was their job I suppose . I share this hoping that if you were the baby , you can sympathize with me , and if you were an older sibling . . . well you probably laughed and nodded . Older siblings are evil . Intrinsic truth . Just kidding , but not really . But for as mean as they were , I always knew someone had my back . No matter what happened I had two allies in my corner at all times . And people knew that they were mean , so I never had to use them as the guard dogs they were . They might have been mean to me . . . but no one else would ever get away with it . And because there were three girls , our Dad raised us to be tough and opinionated . It bites him in the ass to this day . Angela and I were close coming up because we were closer in age , so we had more in common . We played with similar toys . Enjoyed outdoor adventures . As we aged and began to figure out who we were , we didn 't spend as much time together . I was a social bug and Angela would rather stay at home and chill . That being said , our midnight banter in her room while snacking or painting toenails are some of my most treasured memories . Virginia is five years older than I am , so I was always the frumpy little sister she was forced to drag along . I admired her though . I might have annoyed the life out of her at times , but to me . . . she was the coolest . Even during her Goth phase , and that was pretty awful . She excelled in school , she didn 't take crap from people , she spoke her opinion assuredly , and knew what she wanted in life . What little girl wouldn 't look up to that ? We are all three very different people , with very different personalities . It is amazing to me that for 12 years we shared a room , and lived to tell about it . As different as we all are , we have always had a strong bond as sisters . I attribute that to the fact that we were all we had growing up . Most of our family lives in Kentucky . We didn 't have cousins to run and play with , and we didn 't have neighbor kids to play with since we lived on a farm , so we were all there was . We share a bond that many siblings don 't because not only were we forced to be sisters . . . but we were forced to be friends . If we only knew then that what we have is something to be treasured . As we grew up , and life began to change we all drifted into our own lives . Virginia became a mother and got married , Angela moved to Kentucky to start a new life , and I settled into my own relationship and started a family . Each always in contact with the others , but always apart it seemed . When Angela decided to move back from Kentucky we were all happy to have our little family back together . At this point I already had Scarlett , and Dustin and I were working on Evan . Angela missed my pregnancy and delivery with Scarlett because she lived up north . She was there for Evan every step of the way . She watched Evan for us when I went back to work , and they hit it off . They ran tit for tat in their terror , and still do . I was petty enough at one point that when Angela got pregnant with John , I worried she would treat Evan differently . But she didn 't . And I regret feeling that way towards John , especially after I met him , and even more so now that he is gone . We all worried over Angela and her pregnancy , but she did amazing . We really worried about delivery since she has zero pain tolerance , but yet again , she did amazing . There is something magical that happened during John 's delivery . During my deliveries and Virginia 's , we were not all present . Angela missed Scarlett 's , Mom and Virginia waited outside Evan 's so other people could be there , and Virginia had a c - section . John 's birth was the first time that all of the Smith women were in the room for delivery . It was amazing . It was my first live birth , and for as gross as it was , I was mesmerized watching John come into this world . I cried . I cried not only because this beautiful little creature came into our lives , but at the beauty of the moment . All of us standing there watching that moment when a woman experiences the greatest pain and greatest love she will ever feel in all the world . And John was her greatest love . John brought our family back into focus . Virginia and I were so in love with this little fat nugget of adorableness ! We gave each other nieces and nephews , and we love them just as much , but there was something about John . Something about his sweet little soul . And he was the baby . Like me . We knew he would get hell from the older kids , but we would love and protect him no matter what . He was everyone 's baby . I think that 's what the spark was with this child . And that 's why it has been so difficult to lose him . The spark in our family went out . Extinguished by someone 's careless actions . Our baby is gone . The baby is gone . Going through something like this can make or break a family . Even though the spark is out , John left a burning fire . As sisters , there is no doubt that this has brought us closer . We have shared and lived through the hardest thing we 've ever done , watching one of us bury her baby . That really does change you . Even with our broken hearts , Virginia and I have stood in front of Angela , shielding as much as we can . It was my turn as the little sister , to stand up and unburden my older sister . Taking care of as much as we can . Helping her through what we can . We can 't fix this , but we would if we could . We can 't end her pain , but we can share it with her . We are one big broken heart , that at times can be found sitting in the floor of Angela 's closet crying and laughing . How else do we survive if we don 't lean on each other ? We are sisters . Their hurt is my hurt . And this time . . . there is nothing I can do . That kind of hurt . . . there are just no words . So I just love them tenderly . And love them strong . We are forever and always tenderly sisters . How do we say goodbye when we had just begun to say hello ? I don 't want to say goodbye . We shouldn 't have ever had to say goodbye . I dream about him being an adult and what he would have looked like . I 've actually had the same dream of him as an adult twice since he passed . I dream that there is a tall and broad shouldered man standing in front of me on what looks like a beach pier . He seems a little intimidating at first and when I ask him who he is and what he wants . . . he just smiles . The sweetest most breathtaking baby face smile . I know , as soon as he smiles , who he is . He is handsome and built like a tank . ( Side note : I guess since John was always off the growth charts , and we assumed he was going to be a big boy . . . that plays into my dreams . ) As soon as he smiles I feel his warmth and love rush over me , feel that rush now just talking about it . Then he embraces me . It feels like I stand there in his arms forever , but it is always short lived . He tells me " Hi Aunt Wizza . " and then I wake up . That 's all I get and it 's not enough . I want the real John . I want to know who he will be when he grows up . I want to know what he would have looked like and felt like when hugging me as a gown man . I also have the repeat dream of he and I playing on the beach . There is no one around , not another soul . It 's just me and him . The sand and the sea and a beautiful sunset . We play at the edge of the water , before the sun disappears I wake up . That 's when waking up really is the hardest . You go from having him in your arms again , to nothing . No baby . He should be here . I should be holding him and loving on him . It 's torture . Once again the weight of the world falls on your head and you remember , he 's dead . You don 't get to squeeze him ever again . Does that ever stop ? That constant want for someone that isn 't there . There is a hole in my chest . It 's about two foot and 30 pounds . I will never be able to fill it . There are times it turns into a black hole and it feels like it will consume me . Did you know he took his first couple of official steps just two days before he passed ? He crawled all over and into everything . Papa has a drawer on the table beside his chair and if it was open , it was fair game . Papa actually drilled a hole in it , and placed a nail inside to keep fat stuff out ! That little nail rests in John 's hand now . Along with about a million other things he had to have so we could let him leave this world . We wanted him prepared . The faces the fellows at the funeral home made when I held up a 3 inch nail requesting to have it placed in his hand ! Ha ! I laugh now just thinking about it . . . hope you got a chuckle too ! We got to see some milestones and will NEVER witness others . We treasure what we did get . Like seeing his little ham self sitting on the floor smiling up at us after doing something devious ! The kids and I went to Mom 's for a surprise two nights before he was hurt . She was having something and cornbread . All I remember is cornbread . John was tearing it up , not that he didn 't tear everything else up , but he loved cornbread . . . and well everything but in this instance it was cornbread . I remember blowing him kisses from the other end of the table , and his big sweet smile returned with bread and all falling out . Making eyes at me from across the table . Once Mommy got him out of his high chair he crawled straight to me . I sat him on the table and we loved and played for a while . I had on a necklace that he loved . It had a bead that spun inside another bead . He would take his little fat finger and spin the bead . Then down he went and on to the next thing ! I left that necklace with him . I tried to put it on the day we went to make his funeral arrangements and it almost broke me . I took it off knowing he would need it more than me and made sure to give it to the director . I had that necklace on the day he was hurt . While we were at the hospital , I took it off . I remember thinking it felt so heavy on my neck . I swore it was giving me a headache . This child left our world in style . He had on some fancy duds , western camo boots , and all he would need to keep him entertained . He had toys , marbles , flashlights , Santa , jewelry , and all the love any child could ask for . I have started and erased the beginning of this blog about four times now . I have a direction I want to go with it , but our life doesn 't seem to be getting any easier to write about . I want to share our story , from my perspective at least , so that John isn 't just a name on a stone , but a person . A baby we want to share with the world , even if the world has a hard time talking about him . Talking about him keeps his smile alive in our memories , when the bad ones start to seep in . Talking about him helps put another little piece of tape on our shattered hearts . Talking about him lets the world know how incredible our little man was when all people want to focus on is what happened . Talking about him is just good . I find myself struggling to remember what he smelled like . What his plump little hands felt like inside mine , how they felt against my lips . It 's only been a month since I got to steal my last kiss and my very last cuddle . Every time I think about those precious final moments , a empty hole opens in my chest and I fight tears . To just have been able to press rewind . . . I loved squeezing his chunky self . Snatching him up and pressing every chubby inch against my chest . I 'm starting to forget what he felt like . The little giggle that would escape his lips when I would blow raspberries under his chin . Do you know how much that haunts me ? I don 't want to forget . I 'm so scared I will forget . We can 't get that back , but we are desperately clinging to those memories . That 's all we have left . We have been prematurely robbed of the rest because someone was careless in caring for John . That is what is so amazingly beautiful about our loss too . We don 't get to make any more of those memories . We don 't get any more kisses and snuggles . But what we do have are some of the most perfect moments in our lives . We have all of these beautiful intimate moments with the most precious gift you can receive . We were so blessed and graced to have John in our lives , even if only for a little while . But the endless amount of love , happiness , and sadness he brought our family is a rare and costly gem to behold in this evil world . To know the innocent love of a child , and only their innocent love . . . to know they only knew pure unadulterated love makes my heart happy and broken all over again every day . John never knew , and will never know that this is a dark scary place . He only knew all good things . He knew he had the best Mommy that loved him every second of every day . He knew he had a warm bed and clean snug jammies . He knew he had good food and always had good company . He knew that he was loved unconditionally , and that is all a child his age should know . I miss John . Today is one of those tougher days . One of those days where getting out of bed was harder than anything I have done all year . One of those days where I cried the whole way to work because why our baby ? One of those days where I would give anything for one more kiss . One of those days where I feel bitter and cold towards the world . The kisses we got , we get to keep forever , but in our beautiful brokenness I also find myself being selfish . I want more kisses . I want more snuggles . More than that I want our chunk back . And I find the thought , why our baby , running through my head once again . Losing John is like being a deep dark well , with this unbelievably bright light shining straight through the top right on your fragile water soaked skin . It feels so lonely , isolated and like you will never get out , and then there it is again . . . that light . It reminds you how amazing it is , how great it feels against your skin , and then its gone again . And you are damp and alone in the dark . I cling to the light . As crazy as it sounds , I feel John in the sunshine . His radiant smile . The sun is so painfully present in our lives since his passing , so much so that I know it is him . On the day we buried our fat man , is was raining . Cloudy , yucky rain . I knew he was there with us , just as heartbroken to be leaving us . His tears truly falling down on us . But on his first birthday party , a day of immense joy and pain , the sun shone just as bright as could be . . . his grace embracing us . I take solace in the sun light . I will go stretches where he isn 't on my mind . A couple of hours where I am busy and John slips away . As soon as I think of him , its like reliving his loss all over again . We are constantly told that time will ease our pain , but I honestly don 't think it will ease . Not because I don 't want it to , but because you can never fix this kind of broken . You just learn to live with it but it does not go away . I would be scared if it went away . I also won 't stop talking about John for as long as I live . I have my own children , and they are every bit my world , but so was he . My goal is to show the world that talking about infant loss isn 't bad , it 's not traumatic to the families but instead what most of us want . We want to share our baby . We want you to know what happened to him . I had just ordered chicken wings for dinner , and we were all about to load up to go get our dinner when my Mom called . She refused to speak to me , she only wanted to speak with Dustin . I knew she was scared , but I didn 't know why , I also knew she was talking to him because she was worried I would panic . She was right to worry . She told Dustin that my 11 month old nephew , John , had been injured significantly at the babysitters while Angela was at work . She told him it was a head injury and there was a bad brain bleed and that he was being taken via life flight from Monroe Regional in Ocala to Shands in Gainesville . This was all she knew and ask could we meet them at the hospital to take my Dad 's truck home , as Angela ( my sister , John 's mother ) had their car . I instantly called my Dad , knowing he would be able to explain better since my mom was so upset . He confirmed what Mom said and the first question I had was what had happened ? I rushed and packed a bag , not knowing how long we might be at the hospital and Dustin drove me to my other sister 's ( Virginia ) house so I could ride with them to the hospital to take Dad 's truck home . Dustin took our two babies , and my niece ( Virginia 's daughter ) to get dinner and back to our house since they had school the next day . We headed to the hospital , so unsure of what we were walking into . When we arrived my Mom and Dad were standing at the corner outside of the children 's emergency room waiting for us , and waiting for them to wheel John out to the helicopter . My Mom was crying and my Dad just looked scared . Their faces as we walked up will be forever etched in my mind . We stood there for a few minutes , when the doors opened , and they started to wheel our baby out . He had tubes and wires and people all over . One lady was pumping the oxygen for him while the others rolled his cart . A nurse walking out with Angela took a minute to briefly explain what was happening . She explained that when Angela walked in John was not breathing and did not have a pulse , they immediately administered CPR and got his heart beating again , but he was not breathing on his own . She also said that the CT scans showed a severe brain bleed and swelling . There was a detective present , as head injuries are reported immediately to the Sheriff where we live . Angela was in shock and we still had no idea what had happened . The sight of John 's little tiny body laying in that big hospital bed , with so much life support hooked to him devastated each of us . There are so many images of him over the course of the next 24 hours that play on a constant reel in my head . I work tirelessly to replace those with images of our happy fat man , but they are ghosts that will probably haunt us for the rest of our lives . I can 't even begin to put into words how unreal and just unfair this has been . My Mom told me that when she walked in they were on top of John administering CPR , and that Angela had carried her limp lifeless baby into the hospital in her arms . How do you fix that kind of broken heart ? How do you help your sister cope with that ? How do you help your Mom cope with that ? If only there was a way to turn back time . . . Once John was on his way to Shands , we then sorted out the vehicles . I rode with Mom , Dad and Angela , and Virginia and her husband took Dad 's truck home , then followed us up there . We waited for what seemed like an eternity when they finally moved us into a small waiting room in the ER at Shands . They were trying to get John into a more stable condition , and run more scans before they came to speak with us . When a young female doctor finally came in we were given a little bit more information , and some hope . She informed us that they were keeping John sedated because he had began to move , and they didn 't want him to . She also ask what event had led to his injuries . The only answer we had was that he had fallen at the babysitters . She informed us that an injury to this extent was NOT from a simple fall . I asked about the severity of his injury and whether he would have brain damage once he came through . All she said was " if " he survived , yes . . . there would be severe brain damage . She also said that they were looking for abdominal bleeding , or another source of bleeding as they were having to give him transfusions due to significant blood loss . Then the detective came to speak with Angela again . We joked about having a " helmet baby " . . . A little chunky butt that might need special care and a helping hand through life . We never thought the worst . We were ever hopeful that his movements were a good sign . We could not have been more wrong , and life could not have been more cruel . They had John listed at this point as stable but very critical and they were moving him to ICU while they waited for all of the test results . They moved us to a new waiting room , where we stayed all night , all awake . We called every couple of hours for an update , all they told us was the doctor would meet with us when they had more information . It was the longest night of our lives . We cussed . We prayed . We cried . We laughed . But more than anything . . . we were absolutely frightened . At approximately 4 : 30 the morning of September 6th , the pediatric ER surgeon on call came to meet with us , along with the neonatal neurologist . She started to explain just how severe his head injury was . The moment she sat down and began speaking , we all knew what she had to say but we never wanted to believe it . We didn 't want to listen . After discussing the technical details of his injury , Angela finally interrupted and ask a question that rings as loud as alarms in my head to this very minute . . . He was brain dead . There was nothing they could do . There was nothing anyone could do . Our baby was not going home with us . Angela was not taking her little man home . What was going on ? How did this happen ? We never thought this would be our family . It was one of the most difficult things I have ever done , walking into that room that morning . . . I still get sick to my stomach when I think about how scared I was . My little fat - man laying there , so broken , so hurt , and no answers . We couldn 't even cuddle with his little tiny love muffin chunky body because there was just . . . so much . We could hold his hand , kiss his sweet little warm face and touch his little square feet . Those little moments that we got to steal in that room that day will be the best moments of my life . Getting the chance to love on him while we still could . While we could still feel his warmth . Feel his heartbeat . He was just so beautiful . So perfect . I just don 't understand . I would 've given anything to trade places with that baby . Anything . We all would have . She is amazing , and strong . And John got the best mommy ever while he was here . She loved and still loves that boy more than life . And oh how he loved his Mommy . We talk about his big beautiful smile , but it was never as beautiful as when he was looking at his Mommy . It tortures my heart that so many never got to see that smile for themselves , that they never will . At 2 : 31 pm . . . my sister held her little man one last time as he passed . I will never be able to forget the sights or sounds . I will forever be haunted by her broken heart . I will never be as proud of her as I was in that moment . So strong . So in love . So beautifully broken . I wish I could have taken her pain in that moment , still wish I could take her pain in this very moment . We all held him . Loved on him . Loved him . Kissed him . Talked to him . Stole whatever moments in the flesh that we had left with him . The nurse ask Angela if she wanted to bathe him , so we left her with him and my Dad while she gave her baby one last bath . When we came back in he looked so perfect . Smelled like heaven . I wanted to scoop him up and run . I didn 't want to leave him , but I knew we would have to so they could do what they needed with him . We gave our final kisses . Said one more goodbye and left . Walking away was the hardest part . Leaving him all alone in a strange place with strange but amazing people . I had to make a trip back up to the pediatric ICU to retrieve a cast they had made of John 's hand and foot . We didn 't know they would have it ready so quickly . I couldn 't go in to get it . Thankfully the detective that had been with us went and got it for me . It killed me having to leave him a second time . I sat in the truck and cried . Screamed . I was suddenly very angry . One thing I have to mention is just how amazing the people were at both MRMC and Shands . They were there for our family every step of the way , and answered all questions we had as best as they could . They even provided John with a beautifully knitted blue hat to keep his little head warm . If you have the ability to knit or sew , take time to make some little hats or mitts and donate them to your local children 's hospital . That little knitted hat meant the world to our family in a very hard time . I would love to hug and thank whomever made it . It was a little light in a world of darkness . Since there is still an open investigation I cannot release any details surrounding the babysitter or the way in which he sustained the injuries . It was not malicious , but mistakes were made , and there will hopefully be consequences . Angela , bless the amazing woman she is , has been forgiving since the start . I 'm trying to get there . I just can 't . Not yet . John was so beyond loved while he was in this world . Even though he was my nephew , it feels like I lost one of my own babies . And I know that the pain I feel is nothing compared to what Angela must feel . Every single one of us just loves that baby . The days following have been so incredibly difficult . My sister has been so strong and displayed a level of elegance I could never explain accordingly through words . She decided to bury John on his first birthday , which was September 14th . He passed one week shy of his first birthday . That 's how cruel life can be . That 's why we still have so many unanswered questions . The reason I am sharing those horrid couple of days , is not to evoke a feeling of sadness from you , but to show the strength and endurance of our family , and of John 's mommy . To show you that even when the world was crumbling around us , we held tight to our family , our love and supported each other . Things like this can rip a family to shreds , but John brought this family together when he was born , and sealed our bond upon his passing . As bent as we are , we can 't be broken . In a time when we could have been spewing hate , we chose to continue loving . That is what you see here , through all the pain , through all the heartbreak . . . there is still so much love . I 'm also sharing this today because the month of October is Pregnancy & Infant Loss awareness month . Not only is there a stigma when it comes to talking about miscarriage , but there is also this hush when people find out that someone has lost an infant . Yes , it is very hard to talk about what happened to John , but more than anything we love talking about him . The good , the bad , and the hardest part of all . If someone you know has recently lost a pregnancy or baby , just be their friend . Talk to them , don 't avoid them . And more than anything , don 't tell them they can always have more children . |
Bounty hunter Jack Skull is on the trail of a killer working the old Abilene Trail , tracking him north from Texas to Kansas . Jack has been tracking him through the dust and the desolation of lonely miles , determined to catch the man who kills pretty , lonely women , women who fall under the spell of a man 's lying promises . Jack rides into Abilene , a hard man on a cold trail , and Abilene , a town grown peaceful since the herds have moved west , just wants him gone . Jack looks like trouble , and Jack is trouble for Anne , who takes one look at him and falls hard . The trouble with Jack is , he knows he 's no good for Anne . The trouble with Anne is , she wants what 's no good for her . Anne is tired of living such a careful , proper life . Anne wants a taste of the kind of rugged danger that Jack represents . Jack , a drifter , wants the brand of home and family that Anne is sick to death of . They 've got nothing in common , but the trouble is , they 're hungry for each others ' kisses . With a murderer on the loose and Jack distracted by Anne , it could be a kiss to die for . Dr . Olivia Crane lives a quiet life . No one questions why she doesn 't socialize or where she spends every weekend . When the visiting physician from France strolls into her office , with open arms and a confident smile , her perfect control is about to crumble . Good God , he can 't be Dr . Luc George , the man she loved ten years ago ? Should she return his scorching kisses , or should she lock her door before he digs into her many secrets ? Secret daughter , secret friend , secret enemy . Had Luc really known his sweet Olivia back then ? He wants her back , but he wants the truth , too . Now , Olivia has to face her past before she can grab her second chance . Cora discovers her father is in trouble … and the only person who can help her is the enemy 's son , Nick Holloway . Her father couldn 't have stolen a million dollars , so how is he going to replace it ? In one week ? Nick is ordered to take Cora out into the wilderness to a remote cabin to keep her father in line . He claims he wants to help Cora and says he 's deceiving the Hollways to keep her safe … but what if he 's playing both sides ? He could be using her attraction to him against her . Cora can 't allow herself to trust Nick , no matter how sexy he is . Nick isn 't the only one offering to help . Alexander Pierce could scare the devil but he can also track down anyone in a day . He warns Cora that if she wants to find her father alive , he 's the way . Is it possible both Nick and Alexander have secret feelings for her ? With her dad 's life on the line , she might have to play her own little game . High Rises are like large families where members face love , hate , meddling , and gossiping . When the neighbor who was harassing her is found dead in the Jacuzzi , Alexa is a prime suspect . Can she count on her dear neighbors , including the delectable Italian , Dante , for help ? With too many skeletons in their own closets , would they save Alexa or incriminate her ? Can she love him if she can 't remember him ? Molly Anderson returns " home " to a town she doesn 't remember , hoping it will spark a memory . She runs into Trent Williams , a Ridge City police detective , and something else definitely sparks . He wants to know why she left town , with her parents , but without a word to anyone . She doesn 't remember that life . She can only tell him she knew her parents briefly before they died . . . or were murdered , she 's not sure . She hopes regaining her memory will help answer that question . Trent has his own secrets , but they have a mystery to solve . As they work together and Molly meets their old friends , she realizes their relationship went deeper than memories . In fact , she grew up in Ridge City , even though her parents had said they lived there just a few years . How could she have forgotten her lifelong friend and love ? Can she love him again if she doesn 't remember him ? There 's also the possibility that she did something awful - and maybe that 's why she 's afraid to remember her old life . Lady Caitlin Southall 's temper has finally got the better of her . She 's challenged Harlow Telford , the Duke of Dangerfield , the most notorious rake in all of England , to a wager . She wants her house back . The one her destitute father lost to Dangerfield in a card game . But if she doesn 't win their bet , she not only loses her home , she loses her dignity and pride and damn it all , maybe her heart … For the handsome Duke has decreed , when he wins , she must spend the night in his bed . Harlow Telford is amused by his hellion neighbor , Caitlin , or Cate to her friends , who seem to encompass everyone on earth except him . When she bursts into one of his private gatherings , he mistakes her for the entertainment . Her slap across his face sets him straight and raises the absurd desire to seduce the unconventional beauty into his bed . When she issues her daft challenge to win back her father 's pile of rubble , the terms are set . And he 'll do anything to win - except fall in love … 69 years ago today Bonnie and Clyde died an epic death . Lovers in life and lovers in death , their romantic story captured hearts around the world . Their adventures and relationship create a titillating story as fantastic as something from a book or legend . Bonnie was a sweet , well - educated girl of 18 when she met Clyde . Though Clyde was also 18 , he had already had many run - ins with the law . He had a sporadic education , a rebellious nature , a love for playing saxophone music , and a charming air . Clyde was visiting a girlfriend when he saw Bonnie cooking in the kitchen . Bonnie and Clyde fell in love the moment they saw each other . Bonnie found out about Clyde 's problems with the law when the police came to arrest him . He was sentenced to two years in prison . Bonnie visited every day and eventually managed to smuggle him a gun and he escaped that night . Clyde was caught and imprisoned again . Since he was too far away to visit , Bonnie and Clyde constantly wrote to each other . When Clyde got out , thanks to his mother 's pleas , he tried to clean up his act , but found it impossible . He returned to Bonnie to continue their life together , in a stolen car . They were chased , and while Clyde got away , Bonnie was caught and spent several months in prison . She whiled away the time by writing poetry . No matter what happened , how many people Clyde killed , Bonnie always stuck by his side , wildly in love with her man . Bonnie and Clyde traveled the country , robbing , killing , getting shot , and loving each other passionately . The couple fascinated the newspapers , who published their stories . The articles captures the interests and hearts of people across the country in these hard times . The couple was found even more endearing when someone found some film and developed it - to discover that it was pictures of the rebellious couple . One time Bonnie and Clyde stole a car . The owner saw it and chased after them in a friend 's car with her in it . The car chase ended when the owner of the car realized that they would never be able to cBonnie and Clyde wanted to visit their parents . On their way there they were ambushed and shot at . Though both were hit in the leg , they managed to run away . Law officers begin to harass Bonnie and Clyde 's families , hoping for information on where the couple are . A special agent is hired to track Bonnie and Clyde . One of the Barrow Gang 's member 's father sided with the police and helped them set a trap for Bonnie and Clyde . Officers waited for the couple with armor - piercing bullets . In the morning the couple approached in a stolen car . They were told to give up . They reached for their guns . The police started shooting . Clyde was shot in the head and killed . Bonnie screamed as she watched her lover die . She would not mourn long . 167 bullets shot through the car , killing Bonnie . 50 bullets passed through the bodies of Bonnie and Clyde . Bonnie was 23 . Clyde was 24 . Though Bonnie and Clyde wished to be buried together , Bonnie 's parents wouldn 't have it . Over 20 , 000 people came to see Bonnie buried . Clyde was buried next to his brother under a stone with a quote he chose , " Gone but not forgotten . " I left a teddy bear with a card in its arms on every step up to the top of the stairs . When my Girlfriend got home , she slowly followed the cards upstairs reading each one . Each card had a nice message and a letter starting with I . The letters spelled I LOVE YOU . When she got to the top of the stairs , I repeated the message she just collected from the cards . I then kissed her softly on the lips and handed her a small wrapped gift . She opened it to find a beautiful white gold / diamond necklace . She was shocked and grabbed me and started kissing me . I then drove her to the restaurant of her choice . we ate a delicious dinner then I ordered a specially made desert that I had asked to be prepared when we got there . I gave her the first bite from my fork . We spent the rest of the time there looking into each others eyes smiling and talking about how we liked each other so much . I then drove us back to her place . She was so happy with me that she grabbed me and started passionately kissing me right inside the door . We then barely made it to the living room where we proceeded to have some of the best Sex I have ever experienced . After that we went to bed , cuddled and laid there talking for a bit . I then go up and ran her a hot bath with her favorite bath crystals . I gave her a massage in the bath tub for about 30 min . We then want back to bed and she fell asleep in my arms . - plz22 My most romantic Valentine 's Day was last year . My husband kept me completely in the dark about what he was doing . At lunch that day , he called me to tell me to go and look in my car . There , I found a note saying , " Roses are red , chrysanthemums are blue … " Lo and behold , there was a blue chrysanthemum on the seat of my car . When I got home , there were rose petals on the doorstep . I went inside and saw a rose - petal path leading all the way to a table , where he had laid out a dozen roses and a gift basket full of bath gels and soaps . Then I found the rest of the poem ! It was so romantic . The rest of it read : " Chocolates are sweet and so are you . " He had attached a chocolate rose to that card . Last year , my boyfriend told me to pack an overnight bag . We drove to a local mineral spa resort where he dropped me off for an hour - long massage . Afterwards , he brought me to a luxury suite with our own private mineral spa . The room was decorated with fresh flowers and he 'd prepared a picnic dinner for us to share on the patio , complete with champagne and fresh strawberries for dessert . Later , we curled up together and listened to a playlist of our favorite love songs on his iPod . What made the evening even more special was that it was completely unexpected . He was a student at the time and had saved up for months in order to pamper me like that . My most romantic Valentine 's Day was last year . Neither my boyfriend nor I had a lot of money , so we agreed that we wouldn 't really celebrate . We chose to put what little money we had together and try to go to dinner . After dinner at a local place we headed out to the car . To my surprise , there were two dozen gorgeous pink roses in the driver 's seat of my car . He had his mother put them there while we were eating dinner . It was the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me ! I was married on Valentine 's Day , going on 26 years ago this year , but I have to say my husband really got me good last year on our silver anniversary last year . He can never surprise me , but he did this time . He plotted , planned and looked for over a years or so to find the right new vehicle for me , then had them hold it , made plans at a nice small romantic restaurant by the fireplace . Everything was done in silver . We were waited on hand and foot , then he presented me with a beautiful card and a small silver box , I thought it was jewelry of course , but when I opened the box , there were a set of car keys . He grabbed my hand and said " run . " We ran out of the restaurant , down the street and around the corner there was a brand new blue Jeep with the biggest silver bow I have ever seen . His nephew took pictures of the whole thing to catch my expressions . It was great and one romantic Valentine 's Day ! Mrs . Butterfly A few days before the holiday , my boyfriend bought me a wonderful card with old - fashioned lace , a dozen red roses and a large box of dark chocolate - covered cashews . I was floored by the gesture . But then he asked me what I was doing for a three - day holiday weekend that was coming up . I just thought we were getting away for a fun - filled weekend of gambling in Nevada . We arrived on a Friday morning , went to our room and unpacked . Then we went downstairs for some gambling . That night , as we were going to bed , he knelt down on one knee , with the ring in one hand and a rose in the other . He said , " What are you doing tomorrow at 12 noon ? How about marrying me ? " Then he told me of all his secret prearranged plans . That was six years ago , and it still feels like yesterday . We are a very happy couple . Even still , my hubby now always has some kind of a special , secret surprise for me , all during our six years of marriage so far . My first Valentine 's Day with my fiancé was in 2004 and it was amazing . That January , I 'd been looking online for a puppy and found a little Chihuahua I loved . I wanted more information about the dog but had to work , so my now - fiancé said he 'd call and talk to the breeder for me . Later , he called to tell me the puppy had been sold . I was crushed . A month later , on the day before Valentine 's Day , I walked into his apartment and found a card waiting for me . As I was reading it , his dog came running towards me . I started playing with him and then , out of the corner of my eye , I saw this tiny little dog run past me with several bows around his neck . I started squealing as my fiancé said , " Do you recognize him ? " He had not only bought my Chihuahua , Tony , but had arranged for him to be driven from Missouri and had picked him up at 1 a . m . Tony is the greatest gift anyone has ever given me - and that Valentine 's Day remains the very best one of my life . Last year my boyfriend came home feb . 13 but did not tell me . The next morning I woke up with him in my bed and freaked out ! ! ! ! It was the best day ever . We ended up going to a fondue restaurant ( soooo much fun ) then going to a private concert where he played a video of the first day he meet me . He said he wanted to record how he felt that day because he was sure I was the one he was going to be with for the rest of his life . Then there was three more video clips he had of him talking about me . This all ended with him down on one knee and my whole family appearing . He handed me a homemade fortune cookie reading Inside " WILL YOU MERRY ME " It was so perfect I keep looking to find what movie his idea came from . We got married the following Valentines Day . I am now proud to call him my husband and we are expecting are first child together . My most memorable Valentine 's Day was last year , when my husband proposed to me . He has two kids from his previous marriage , and I have two from my previous marriage . All four kids knew he was going to propose for about two months , and they all kept the secret ! ( He told them because he wanted to make sure they were all okay with him asking me to marry him . ) Valentine 's Day was on a Saturday last year , and we cooked breakfast for the kids as usual , and then he told me that he wanted me to take a shower before I got my gift . I had to let him know when I was ready to come downstairs . I got the okay to come down but was told to go to the living room and sit on the couch . He then gave me a very nice card , which said on the last page : " The only thing left is for you to be my wife . " I looked at him , and then the kids came out of the kitchen holding a box he had made . In the box was a Cupid teddy bear and my engagement ring . In front of all the kids , he said , " I love you . Will you be my wife ? " I immediately burst into tears of joy . What a memory ! On my second Valentine 's Day with my boyfriend , he woke me up in the morning with breakfast in bed . This was a big deal to him since he was not what you would call a " morning person " or a good cook at that . After the breakfast in bed he told me he would clean up and I could come downstairs when I was ready . After I showered and put on my makeup I decided to go downstairs . I thought breakfast in bed was great and wasn 't expecting anything else . But when I was about to walk down the stairs I saw it ; each step on the way down had a rose and a little note attached to it . The notes were each a line to a poem he wrote for me and as I walked down the stairs I read each line . By the time I got to the bottom I realized I would have to put my makeup on all over again but I didn 't care because it was the sweetest thing I 'd ever seen ! Brittany R . , Chicago , IL I was engaged to a lady ( to whom I have now been married for 25 years ) and had made reservations months ahead of time at Maxwell 's by the Sea at the Huntington Beach pier for Valentine 's Day . Ellie and I were looking forward to a romantic evening . Unfortunately , a week before the special day , I came down with a ruptured appendix and had to be rushed to the hospital . I barely survived ( literally ) and was looking at a two - week stay in the hospital to recover . But I was young and started feeling better in a few days . A plan was hatched . I collaborated with my brother to smuggle myself out for the evening . Of course it was pouring rain that evening . I don 't remember what she ordered , but I had soup . By O Henry One dollar and eighty - seven cents . That was all . And sixty cents of it was in pennies . Pennies saved one and two at a time by bulldozing the grocer and the vegetable man and the butcher until one 's cheeks burned with the silent imputation of parsimony that such close dealing implied . Three times Della counted it . One dollar and eighty - seven cents . And the next day would be Christmas . There was clearly nothing to do but flop down on the shabby little couch and howl . So Della did it . Which instigates the moral reflection that life is made up of sobs , sniffles , and smiles , with sniffles predominating . While the mistress of the home is gradually subsiding from the first stage to the second , take a look at the home . A furnished flat at $ 8 per week . It did not exactly beggar description , but it certainly had that word on the lookout for the mendicancy squad . The " Dillingham " had been flung to the breeze during a former period of prosperity when its possessor was being paid $ 30 per week . Now , when the income was shrunk to $ 20 , though , they were thinking seriously of contracting to a modest and unassuming D . But whenever Mr . James Dillingham Young came home and reached his flat above he was called " Jim " and greatly hugged by Mrs . James Dillingham Young , already introduced to you as Della . Which is all very good . Della finished her cry and attended to her cheeks with the powder rag . She stood by the window and looked out dully at a gray cat walking a gray fence in a gray backyard . Tomorrow would be Christmas Day , and she had only $ 1 . 87 with which to buy Jim a present . She had been saving every penny she could for months , with this result . Twenty dollars a week doesn 't go far . Expenses had been greater than she had calculated . They always are . Only $ 1 . 87 to buy a present for Jim . Her Jim . Many a happy hour she had spent planning for something nice for him . Something fine and rare and sterling - something just a little bit near to being worthy of the honor of being owned by Jim . There was a pier - glass between the windows of the room . Perhaps you have seen a pierglass in an $ 8 flat . A very thin and very agile person may , by observing his reflection in a rapid sequence of longitudinal strips , obtain a fairly accurate conception of his looks . Della , being slender , had mastered the art . Suddenly she whirled from the window and stood before the glass . her eyes were shining brilliantly , but her face had lost its color within twenty seconds . Rapidly she pulled down her hair and let it fall to its full length . Now , there were two possessions of the James Dillingham Youngs in which they both took a mighty pride . One was Jim 's gold watch that had been his father 's and his grandfather 's . The other was Della 's hair . Had the queen of Sheba lived in the flat across the airshaft , Della would have let her hair hang out the window some day to dry just to depreciate Her Majesty 's jewels and gifts . Had King Solomon been the janitor , with all his treasures piled up in the basement , Jim would have pulled out his watch every time he passed , just to see him pluck at his beard from envy . So now Della 's beautiful hair fell about her rippling and shining like a cascade of brown waters . It reached below her knee and made itself almost a garment for her . And then she did it up again nervously and quickly . Once she faltered for a minute and stood still while a tear or two splashed on the worn red carpet . Where she stopped the sign read : " Mne . Sofronie . Hair Goods of All Kinds . " One flight up Della ran , and collected herself , panting . Madame , large , too white , chilly , hardly looked the " Sofronie . " She found it at last . It surely had been made for Jim and no one else . There was no other like it in any of the stores , and she had turned all of them inside out . It was a platinum fob chain simple and chaste in design , properly proclaiming its value by substance alone and not by meretricious ornamentation - as all good things should do . It was even worthy of The Watch . As soon as she saw it she knew that it must be Jim 's . It was like him . Quietness and value - the description applied to both . Twenty - one dollars they took from her for it , and she hurried home with the 87 cents . With that chain on his watch Jim might be properly anxious about the time in any company . Grand as the watch was , he sometimes looked at it on the sly on account of the old leather strap that he used in place of a chain . When Della reached home her intoxication gave way a little to prudence and reason . She got out her curling irons and lighted the gas and went to work repairing the ravages made by generosity added to love . Which is always a tremendous task , dear friends - a mammoth task . Jim was never late . Della doubled the fob chain in her hand and sat on the corner of the table near the door that he always entered . Then she heard his step on the stair away down on the first flight , and she turned white for just a moment . She had a habit for saying little silent prayer about the simplest everyday things , and now she whispered : " Please God , make him think I am still pretty . " The door opened and Jim stepped in and closed it . He looked thin and very serious . Poor fellow , he was only twenty - two - and to be burdened with a family ! He needed a new overcoat and he was without gloves . Jim stopped inside the door , as immovable as a setter at the scent of quail . His eyes were fixed upon Della , and there was an expression in them that she could not read , and it terrified her . It was not anger , nor surprise , nor disapproval , nor horror , nor any of the sentiments that she had been prepared for . He simply stared at her fixedly with that peculiar expression on his face . " Jim , darling , " she cried , " don 't look at me that way . I had my hair cut off and sold because I couldn 't have lived through Christmas without giving you a present . It 'll grow out again - you won 't mind , will you ? I just had to do it . My hair grows awfully fast . Say ' Merry Christmas ! ' Jim , and let 's be happy . You don 't know what a nice - what a beautiful , nice gift I 've got for you . " " Cut it off and sold it , " said Della . " Don 't you like me just as well , anyhow ? I 'm me without my hair , ain 't I ? " " You needn 't look for it , " said Della . " It 's sold , I tell you - sold and gone , too . It 's Christmas Eve , boy . Be good to me , for it went for you . Maybe the hairs of my head were numbered , " she went on with sudden serious sweetness , " but nobody could ever count my love for you . Shall I put the chops on , Jim ? " Out of his trance Jim seemed quickly to wake . He enfolded his Della . For ten seconds let us regard with discreet scrutiny some inconsequential object in the other direction . Eight dollars a week or a million a year - what is the difference ? A mathematician or a wit would give you the wrong answer . The magi brought valuable gifts , but that was not among them . This dark assertion will be illuminated later on . " Don 't make any mistake , Dell , " he said , " about me . I don 't think there 's anything in the way of a haircut or a shave or a shampoo that could make me like my girl any less . But if you 'll unwrap that package you may see why you had me going a while at first . " For there lay The Combs - the set of combs , side and back , that Della had worshipped long in a Broadway window . Beautiful combs , pure tortoise shell , with jewelled rims - just the shade to wear in the beautiful vanished hair . They were expensive combs , she knew , and her heart had simply craved and yearned over them without the least hope of possession . And now , they were hers , but the tresses that should have adorned the coveted adornments were gone . Jim had not yet seen his beautiful present . She held it out to him eagerly upon her open palm . The dull precious metal seemed to flash with a reflection of her bright and ardent spirit . " Isn 't it a dandy , Jim ? I hunted all over town to find it . You 'll have to look at the time a hundred times a day now . Give me your watch . I want to see how it looks on it . " " Dell , " said he , " let 's put our Christmas presents away and keep ' em a while . They 're too nice to use just at present . I sold the watch to get the money to buy your combs . And now suppose you put the chops on . " The magi , as you know , were wise men - wonderfully wise men - who brought gifts to the Babe in the manger . They invented the art of giving Christmas presents . Being wise , their gifts were no doubt wise ones , possibly bearing the privilege of exchange in case of duplication . And here I have lamely related to you the uneventful chronicle of two foolish children in a flat who most unwisely sacrificed for each other the greatest treasures of their house . But in a last word to the wise of these days let it be said that of all who give gifts these two were the wisest . O all who give and receive gifts , such as they are wisest . Everywhere they are wisest . They are the magi . It was Christmas again when the streets were covered with snow . And , everywhere you turned , things looked pristine white . Dana loved Christmas time . She thought Christmas was magical , and secretly believed in Santa Claus . She loved the colorful lights , Xmas trees , and the snow fall . It made everything even more beautiful ! Most importantly , Dana felt loved and treasured for it was the time when everyone showed how much they cared . Friends and relatives showered gifts on you too . And Dana knew that if you were lucky , your beloved would show you how much they love you . Dana had all of the above in her life , apart from the ' special ' someone . She wanted Santa to gift her with a ' special one ' for Christmas , a ' special someone to love ' . Not that she was desperate . It was just that Dana wasn 't too good at relationships . So , she couldn 't help but be jealous when she saw her friends with the loves of their lives ! Whenever she saw her best friend Janet and her boyfriend Ron together , Dana would squirm . She would feel sad . Especially when he 'd hug Janet close from behind and kiss her cheek . Even a stranger could tell that Ron was head over heels in love with Janet , and vice versa . Dana missed a Ron in her life . A Ron who would do little things for her . A Ron who would write little love notes and put them in her jacket pocket , or kiss her mad . But Dana did have a Ron once , back in her high school . It was Logan Smith . She remembered everything about him - his smile , laugh and the way he looked when he was upset or angry . His eyes were a dark shade of blue . When he looked at Dana , she would feel lost . They were great pals . They had never gone out , although everyone said they should . Everyone thought they were perfect for each other . It was Christmas eve . Festivities were gathering momentum in the Whitney household . Nina was glad that she had Jack to spend her Christmas with . Jack was her sister May 's brother - in - law . And well , they had been dating each other for months now . Last Christmas had been a miserable one for Nina . She had broken off with her long - term boyfriend Ned . He was not worth her . All he wanted was to go to bed with her . For Nina , love was beyond the physical realm . And she wanted to take the final plunge with one she trusted absolutely . So while her friends showed off their boyfriends , she had felt like a lost waif amidst them ! Not this time , thought Nina . She had her Jack after all . Their relationship was going strong , as Nina blossomed under Jack 's attention . He made her feel so special , so beautiful . She loved it when he would casually sweep her into his arms and kiss her breathlessly . At times , she even instigated it . She would surrender herself to him . Jack , on the other hand , was always in control . But for Nina these moments of passion were not enough . She wanted more from Jack , more from their relationship . At 28 years , she wanted him to ask her to spend the rest of her life with him . That day was yet to come ! Last Christmas my husband proposed to me in New York . He has some friends who live up there so we were staying with them and a lot of our other friends were there too . He put a tiny Christmas box as a ornament on the tree with a tag adressed to me . He pretended that he had never seen and said that it was addressed to me . He gave it to me and when I looked up he was standing there and he asked me to marry him . Of course I said yes but he took a step further and went out on the balcony shouting " She said yes ! ! " and " We 're getting married ! " As a college student , I was teaching a Sunday school class of third graders . One of the eight - year - olds , Kirsten , regularly had prayer requests regarding her awful , mean , grouchy big sister . We regularly prayed that her sister would be nicer . Meanwhile , a number of people kept suggesting that I date Kirsten 's sister . Well , I 'd heard enough to know to steer clear ! At Christmas , Willa - Kirsten 's sister - approached me at church and handed me a Christmas card . I mumbled something noncommittal . About a year later , a friend I worked with was pitching to me how I should take her out . I told him I 'd heard about her from her little sister . He laughed and told me that Kirsten had three sisters and Willa was definitely not the mean one . So - a year late - I told Willa , ' Thanks for the Christmas card . ' She retorted : ' Well , don 't expect another one ! ' We 've now been married 28 years . This is how I was proposed to to … He took me to the park on Christmas night and gave me a huge box . I opened the first box and inside there were packing peanuts and another box . I opened the next box and inside was the same . I opened the next , same thing . I opened the last box and inside was a small teddy bear that sang Silent Night . I didn 't notice the ring box that was attached to him until a minute later . It had the words " marry me ? " on the back of its fake sheet of music . It was so sweet and I was totally surprised ! He came over during the week to give my Christmas present , and it was an invitation to my favourite restaurant ! And then , since my birthday is on Christmas Day , he said he had a birthday present for me too . I asked what it was and he said he was taking me to the restaurant ! Which was very sweet , as I 've been looking forward to our first date for ages ! Well during the meal , flowers were delivered to the restaurant for me and he gave me the most beautiful necklace ! I was so overwhelmed ! It was lovely ! 🙂 I live in Michigan and my fiance lives in New York . My children , 19 and 16 , and I went to spend Christmas with him . Leon works at Shubert Theater in NYC and he bought us tickets to see the show playing there , Spamalot , for Christmas Eve . He told us that he had to do some work during the show and wouldn 't be joining us in the audience . During intermission Leon came to my seat and told me that one of the security guards would come get us after the show so we could go backstage and meet the cast . When the curtain went down , the security guard showed up and took us backstage . He told us to go up the steps ( on the stage ) and as we walked up , I saw most of the cast milling about , but mostly looking at us . I have to say I felt a little weird , and I looked around for my boyfriend , and there he was . . . dressed like one of King Arthur 's Knights . He was standing there smiling at me , and I looked back at the security guard and said , " I 'm not going out there . " I thought the curtain was going to go up and he was going to start singing and have me part of some wacky sideshow ! Instead the guard nudged me and told me to get out there . I did , and Leon recited the most beautiful poem , he wrote it himself . I was in a semi - shocked - stage - fright - kind of stupor . I heard the poem , but didn 't REALLY hear it . I did grasp those magic words ; " Will you be my wife , For all of our life . Please say yes , I pray for nothing less . " And of course I said yes ! ! My Knight in Shining Armor , isn 't that what every girl dreams of ? Aching for a good , rich romance without breaking the bank ? There 's no need to worry ! Amazon offers a lot of cheep romantic novels with rich plots along with romance and intrigue . Here are some of the best ones out there . The pieces are short respite against the serious , often dreary world . It will give you a wonderful chance to revitalize your hope and love . Click the title for the link to the book and click the author for a link to the author . Lily Margeret seems mostly interested in Russian romances . They 're short , but are fun reads to escape into long - lived fantasies . All her books are 99 cents . A smart , female lawyer goes head - to - head with a devastatingly handsome Greek man . Though family ties try to keep them apart , passion is there - pushing them back together . Mona Risk is fun because she plays with different situations and men with different origins . Secrets in Mourning by Janelle Daniels Secrets in Mourning is perfect for people into time - period pieces . It 's about a young woman who has recently been widowed and finds herself imprisoned with a bitter woman and deeply in love with her belated husband 's nephew . Janelle Daniels has written 3 novels , but this is the only 99 cent one , so it is the only one included in the list . Right Name Wrong Man by Mona Risk Right Name Wrong Man is another good novel to indulge your fantasies of going after the man who got away in school . Though Mary - Beth is engaged she cannot forget the handsome French man she once knew . She decides to peruse her heart and travels to France to find him . The book got you hungering for more French Romance In Your Life ? A novel about romance clashing with morals and honor . It 's a time - period piece about love , affairs , honor , and betrayal . It 's a good novel to read for twists and turns and surprises . While Cynthia 's first 2 books in the series are 99 cents , the 3rd is 2 . 99 , so keep that in mind when you begin the series . I was a sophomore and had a crush on this junior who was friends with my best friend . I had never really talked to him before , but one day when I opened my locker I saw a pink rose tapped to the inside of my locker with a note that said " Will you go to prom with me ? Love Daren . " My friend had put it in my locker . I thought it was just a joke so I didn 't bother getting a dress or anything . So two days before prom I get a call from Daren . It wasn 't a joke and he really did want me to go with him , but I didn 't even have a dress ! So I called talked to my mom and she said that I could stay home from school the next day with my older sister to find everything I needed . The night of the prom I was getting ready with Erika . My makeup and hair were all done and my dress was on and I went to put on my second shoe but I couldn 't find it ! a half hour of me searching everywhere for my shoe when the doorbell rings ! Daren was there and no one was answering the door . So I had to go downstairs and open the door with only one shoe on . When I opened it my whole family and all of my friends where there with cameras and in front of a white limo was Daren with my other shoe . He said " My beautiful Cinderella , you can 't go to prom without your other glass slipper " it was the corniest but most romantic night of my life and we 've been together for a year . I ended up going to prom with the most handsome guy in school , you know , the one you NEVER think will pick you ? It ends up he really liked me ! I got to wear a gorgeous red dress . And he showed up with a red rose for me ! He kissed me and we got pictures by a flowering apple tree . The dance was so romantic ! We were dancing in the spotlight together and there were bubbles everywhere . The DJ said we looked so good he got a picture . During Just the Way You Are he would pick me up and spin me and sing to me so I knew he was talking about me . Then he bent over like in the movies after they dance tango and kissed me ! It was the funnest night ever ! Last year at prom , my boyfriend asked me to go with him . He asked if he could make all of the arrangements . I agreed to this , and could not wait to see what was in store for me . All of my girlfriends got ready at my house . This way we could all get pictures together when our dates arrived . I was upstairs when everybody started making a big commotion . I went down to see what was going on , and I saw that my boyfriend arrived . He had roses for both my mother and for me . We went outside to start the picture taking , and there was a horse and carriage waiting out there . We all got our pictures done in front of the carriage . Once we were done with pictures , we rode away in the carriage . The next thing in store was a carriage ride in the park , and a packed picnic . After the picnic , we got back in the carriage , and rode to the prom . This was the most memorable experience in my life . at first , everything seems ordinary . . we just talked then laughed . . but when the romantic song played , one of my crush - mate stand , he walks to our table then pick me up . . i didn 't expect it ! we we 're the first ine to dance in the middle of the dance floor . . we 're very close to each other that we danced cheek to cheek while hugging . . it takes a couple of minutes to make others dance with us . . we are the sweetest pair ! everybody said . . i saw some of my teachers talking about us . . one of our teacher said that we must kiss . . omg ! ! we just looked to each other then smile ! i just hug him . . i am the only one he dance with . . how sweet . . : ) My Freshman year a Junior took me to prom . He was the cutest guy at our school ! We decided we were just going as friends . The night of Prom I was waiting for him to arrive and here came a long limo with all of our friends in it , we had a blast ! When we got there we were a little early but my date and I stayed in the limo because he had something to show me . I was a little confused , but he put this blindfold on me so I couldn 't see where we were . We walked inside this beautiful garden full of flowers and rose petals ! He looked at me and got on one knee and had a corsage in his hand and he asked " Will you be my girlfriend ? " I was SO HAPPY ! I said yes of course ! He put the corsage on my wrist and he carried me back to the limo because it started to rain and we didn 't want to get my awesome dress dirty . And during the prom we had amazing time . And we are STILL together . It was my freshman year , and my mom was transferred at work to a new city . It was only about 30 minutes away from my old house , but it was a big change . I had to move in the middle of the school year , and I didn 't know anyone . When I got there the teacher asked for someone to give me a tour of the school , and walk me to my classes . Lucky for me , the quarterback of the football team offered to be my guide . We really got to know each other , and he helped me get to know some friends . He told me that the prom was coming up soon , and he asked me to go with him . Of course I said yes , and we made all of the arrangements . The night of prom he never showed up . About 30 minutes later , I was in tears , so I called my best friend from my old school . He made me feel a little better , and about an hour later was on my doorstep in a suit , with a dozen roses . He brought me to the prom , and I don 't think I could have had a better time . We have been together since . Well , my prom was pretty cool , I went with this guy I knew , Jared , that I 'd been crushing on seriously for like the whole year . I was so petrified to make a fool out of myself , I almost asked somebody I didn 't like to go with me ! All I had to do was ask him , if I had known that it would have saved me a lot of worry . I spent a lot of time trying to decide whether to ask him or not , and finally some buddies of mine convinced me to just suck it up and ask . The dance was so romantic , we danced to almost every song . He kissed me ! Anyway , after the prom we all went to the grocery store at around 3 in the morning , to get supplies for a camping trip we were going on for the weekend . It was almost as fun as the prom itself , we danced in the aisles , in our formal wear . The few employees around pumped up the music for us . A piece of advice to everybody : if you want to go with somebody , just ask , it can 't hurt . Really . I wasted my whole senior year without making any kind of move , when we could have been together . Oh , and make sure you do something after the prom , camping was almost as great as the prom was . Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this : |
Middle school wasn 't as easy for me as elementary school was . I was capable of getting good grades but I stopped applying myself . I was still somewhat active in school activities , and I was involved in a few clubs . I had a few friends , all awkward like myself . Several of the kids I grew up with also went to middle school with me , but it wasn 't necessarily a good thing . When popularity became important to many kids , others were left behind . Several of the kids I grew up with were part of the popular crowd , and very quickly created a distance between me . Being associated with an unpopular kid isn 't very socially acceptable in the power struggle known as middle school . I struggled with kids that made fun of me . I often wore my brother 's hand me down clothes and never acted very girly , so the other girls loved to make fun of my clothing and hair , and lack of any style what - so - ever . It was difficult to feel like I mattered or was worth something . I thought that if so many people said the same mean things , they must be right , and I really was just a loser . I had that mindset for a very long time . My parents started to get frustrated with me when my grades started slipping . My mom just couldn 't understand why I didn 't work harder . She told me that my life was so easy , and that I needed to stop being lazy . I started feeling like no matter what I did , I wouldn 't impress them , I used to get good grades , and they didn 't care so much then ? Some of the girls who lived on the street were popular , and a year older then I was . I had been friends with them for a while , and we hadn 't gone to school together until then . I went to them and talked about the problems I was having at school and with my family . They told me they would help me , but I couldn 't talk to them at school , or everyone would know they were helping . I was obviously a pretty gullible child , and thought they had a great idea , and would really help me out . One night the girls decided to doll me up and take me out . I remember them telling me I would be so pretty if I wasn 't so fat . Some friend 's right ? I thought it was a compliment and tucked away the fat part for later thought . I let them put make - up on me , and do my hair , it all went really well until we tried to find something I could wear . These girls were tiny , and I had some meat on my bones , so everything they tried to put me in looked terrible . Every time I looked in the mirror packed into one outfit or another , my heart broke a little . I felt huge . I had never felt like there was anything wrong with my body before then . Clearly I was wrong if I couldn 't fit into anything cute right ? I ended up wearing some silly wrap dress that would accommodate my size . We had a fun night in the neighborhood , hanging out with other kids we grew up with . I was just the girl they brought along , that sat quietly out - of - the - way while the popular kids were hanging out . I still felt pretty and I thought I had a good time . It 's funny what you can convince yourself of as a kid . After the girls made me over that night , I felt like a different person . Not because I looked different on the outside , but because I felt like I was finally starting to see myself . I thought I was a fat , ugly girl , with no friends . For years after this I struggled with image issues , I still do . I know they probably meant well with their comments , and make over , but it only reminded me how different I was compared to them . I started comparing myself with other people I looked up to , and I felt like I always fell so short . Why couldn 't I be pretty , thin , and have friends too ? I know so many beautiful women who have some serious issues about how they look , or how big they are . It is so sad to think that society helps beautiful people feel validated by putting down people who are different . People come in all shapes and sizes for a reason , and no one should ever make another person feel like they are not just as beautiful as anyone else . Elementary school was not very difficult for me . I got good grades , and I was in the schools gifted programs . I was pretty active in school activities and I had a few friends . I was by no means one of the popular girls , but I went to school in a small town with a lot of people I grew up with . When I was in fourth grade , I didn 't like recess very much , so I would go visit old teachers . My favorite second grade teacher would let older students come in during their break , if they worked with the younger students . I really enjoyed helping , so I gathered a group of other students , and we spent our breaks helping the younger kids learn to read and spell . It was a lot of fun . I became more of an outcast as I got older . Weird things were going on at my home , and most of the kids just weren 't dealing with the kind of issues I had already . Things like anger , death , and sex aren 't normal topics for the average elementary student . I found it very difficult to relate to the other kids , and I didn 't have much in common with other girls because I was such a tomboy . Outside of school I had several friends . The street I grew up on was full of young families , so all the kids played together often . Afterschool the kids would get together and play street hockey , or hide and go - seek . We would go on adventures , ride bikes , and explore the area . I didn 't have friends over often , it just wasn 't my idea of fun , but I loved going to friends ' houses and seeing how their families interacted . One of the families ' that lived on our street had an older mentally disabled son . He would sit out on the bricks in front of his house , and try to get the kids to come talk to him . He often convinced the girls on the street to come sit on his lap , and he liked to hug them . I won 't lie ; I sat on his lap once to and just thought he was weird and overly friendly . I didn 't think much of it , but I knew I didn 't want to go near him anymore . About a week later another girl on the street sat on his lap too . I guess he tried to kiss her , and her Dad saw her trying to get away from him , and the police were called . He was apparently a registered sex offender , and his parents were supposed to be supervising him . I am not sure what happened to him , but we never saw him outside again . It was saddening to think that there were bad people everywhere , at home and on the street . Where was I safe ? I didn 't have very much trust or faith in people after that . I felt like my parents couldn 't keep me safe . I felt like I had the world on my shoulders , and I had to take care of it on my own . I think it made me a very independent person early on . I never worked well in groups , I felt like the other kids would fail at their part , and it would all come down to me any way , why not just do it all myself ? I made myself an outcast with this attitude , and I really started to dislike people in general . I decided if the people who were supposed to keep me safe and take care of me were going to do a crappy job , then I would do it myself . This " do - it - yourself " attitude stuck with me . To this day , I still feel like I can do it better myself . It 's funny how the things you do to adapt as a child help shape who you are as an adult . My foster - brother attended a foster support group every week , where other kids in foster situations would meet up , and hash out their issues . Somehow one of the agents for a New York based talk show got in contact with the leader of this group , and wanted to use one of the " troubled teens " and their family on his show . The leader helped him get in contact with a foster kid , and her family , who agreed to do the show . At the last minute the family decided not to do it , and the agent still had a spot to fill . For one reason or another my brother was the one they decided would be perfect , and the next day we were flown off to New York , and picked up in a stretch limo . The first day of taping arrived , and we were picked up from our hotel in a limo , and taken to the television studio , where we were put in a little sitting room . My parents and my brother went through makeup , and my siblings and I were escorted out to the audience to watch the show . They paraded several families in front of the talk show host , each with an out of control teenager , who would come on stage fully pumped and ready to argue . The producers sat backstage with the kids before they went on , and told them to be angry , and to tell their parents how they really felt , and to really let it all go . When my family came on , my brother came out all puffed up and pissed off , and my mom cried about how she loved him so much , but he was just out of control . My dad sat there and agreed , and my brother let it all out . He talked about how he didn 't love anyone , and how he had no real family , and said some fairly hurtful things . I was only about 11 at the time , and got very upset to hear my brother say all of this , I felt betrayed , like he didn 't love me as a sister , or feel like we were family . I didn 't understand that he had been riled up before they went on air , and I got pretty upset . Apparently crying little sisters make for good ratings , because before I knew it , the cameras were on me and a producer with a microphone walked over and asked why I was crying . I explained that my brother had upset me , and how I loved him like a brother even though we weren 't related , blah blah blah . After the show finished taping the first talking segment , the kids were escorted off to some local prison . The show gave the impression that they were there over night , and learned some lessons from hard criminals . In reality they went to the jail , taped the necessary segments , and then took the kids out to dinner . The next day we taped the last sit down segment . The families were paraded once again , and the kids came out more docile than before , with promises to do better . They all apologized to their parents and swore off their trouble making . My brother came out and apologized to my parents , and took the time to call me from the audience and apologize to me . He told me that he loved me as a sister very much , and didn 't mean the things he had said . Even though it was just a talk show moment , it did mean a lot to me . I was a kid and he was my older brother , and I looked up to him . Having a foster - brother really changed my understanding about what made a family . I 've come to believe that a family isn 't just made of blood related people , but also of the people a family absorbs into their home and heart . I think over time even friends can become family . If you 've been close with a friend for more than half your life , could you say they don 't know you better than your own family ? Or love you just as much ? How can you really define what makes a family ? My family expanded further when I was in fourth grade . My mom brought a boy home from work , and he became my foster - brother . He was older than me by several years , and nothing like the people I knew . His previous foster situation had fallen apart because his foster parents felt they could no longer control him . He was under the impression that he was something of a gang banger , and a bad ass . In reality he was an insecure teenager , screaming for attention . My brother 's biological father had died in one of the wars , so he was raised by his biological mother . He and his younger sister had been removed from their family home after their mother refused to give up her druggie boyfriend that abused both the kids . He had bounced from foster home to foster home , not really sticking anywhere for long , until he came into my family . When he first arrived , he could barely sit through a meal . He would shovel his food down as fast as he could and leave the table as soon as he was finished . He wasn 't used to being able to get his fill , and he had no clue how families acted around the dinner table . He was very fortunate to have a caring case worker who took him to breakfast once a week , and helped him get the help he needed . When things got tense in our family his case worker could always calm him down and help work things out . My foster - brother and my older brother were either at each other 's throats or thick as thieves . They shared a bedroom , so when they didn 't get along it tended to be loud and drawn out since neither of them really had their own space . One night I went into the back yard to get away from their arguing , and was promptly knocked out . My foster - brother had gotten upset , and threw a rock through the window . He didn 't see me outside sitting on my Fisher Price picnic table . Things were pretty bad between my brothers before my older brother ran away for good , and they had long since stopped getting along . Once my older brother left , things calmed down a lot . My foster - brother had his moments of teenage angst , and I can 't imagine how he felt being raised by strangers . We ended up getting along pretty well , and he was a pretty good older brother . He would sometimes give me a ride to school in his cool older brother car , or let me and his girlfriend hang out . He dated the same girl throughout high school , and she was very sweet in an older sister type of way . I loved getting to go to the drive - in with them , even though I was just a decoy to make their outing look innocent . I still got to hang out late and see a movie , even if my brother and his girlfriend were making out in the back seat most of the time . Even though my foster - brother and I got along , he was still a teenager , and he made stupid decisions . One day he decided to skip school with some of his friends , and they ended up robbing a gas station near their school . They were caught as soon as they went back to campus and arrested . My brother went to jail and was kicked out of high school . Things were never the same between him and my parents after that . When he got out of jail he went to a foster center , basically a limbo place for foster kids . He had to stay in their facility for a few weeks , and then he finally came back to our home . I was very close to my grandparents growing up . I was lucky enough to have two grandfathers and a grandmother around for my childhood . One of my grandfathers , my " Papa " was an alcoholic . When I was younger , I didn 't really understand words like drunk , alcoholic , sobriety etc . I didn 't understand what people meant when they would talk about my Papa and his drinking problems . To me he was just my Papa . I loved going to visit him , he lived in his trailer on an orange orchard , and there was always plenty of room for whatever outdoor fun we could imagine . To me , my Papa was a hardworking man , a little rough around the edges , but he was always friendly and loving . We didn 't get to see him a lot , I have a feeling my mom didn 't want us to see him drunk . He would occasionally show up at holidays or family functions . I remember being excited several times because I thought he was coming to see us , and even as a child my heart broke when he couldn 't make it . I didn 't understand why he was always " sick " and couldn 't spend time with us . A few times my Papa got so " sick " that his body just wouldn 't hold up to the abuse . He would come over and stay with us for a while to sober up , and help his body get better . He was never there for very long , but I remember loving it when he would come to stay . On Christmas Eve one year when I was in elementary school , my Papa was expected as usual , but unsurprisingly he didn 't call or show up . The Christmas Eve festivities went on as usual , and no one really thought anything of it . Later that night my mom tried to get ahold of him , to wish him a merry Christmas , but got no answer . I am not sure who found him or how , but my grandfather was found on Christmas morning , behind his trailer . He had passed away . My mother sat me down one day , and told me that she needed to tell me the truth about Papa . I was very confused about what she was talking about . She told me that my Papa had gotten very drunk on Christmas Eve before he died , and he had taken himself out behind his trailer and committed suicide . My whole world spun a little , and I didn 't know what to say . She made the situation much worse with her reasons for finally telling me the truth . Apparently she was afraid my older brother ( the one who ran away ) , was going to tell me the real reason my Papa was gone , to turn me against my parents , and decided to beat him to the punch . So in one happy afternoon , I not only learned that my grandpa shot himself , but I learned that my mom liked to one - up my brother … classy . I can honestly say that I was very bitter at my parents for hiding something like this from me . I was even more upset that my mom somehow thought my jail - bird brother would be able to get the message to me , and that I would believe him . As I got older , I came to the conclusion that I wish my parents would have either A ) not told us in the first place , why would you put that on a child ? Or B ) Told us when we were a reasonable age and capable of handling such weight , and not under such crappy circumstances . I sometimes wonder if he would still be around , had he decided not to end his life . I wonder if the people who choose this ending think about the people they leave behind . I wonder if the think of the holidays , birthday parties , weddings , and special occasions that their presence will be terribly missed at . Sometimes I am bitter that he gave up these moments because he didn 't want to be around , but then I remember how sick he was . Having suffered addiction problems myself , I know how hopeless and horrible it can all seem . I will still always miss him , and I will always wish he could be there , in body , for all the amazing moments I have been fortunate enough to live , but I hope he has at least found peace . Suicide is never the answer . It is a permanent solution to a temporary problem , and will not solve anything . If you have had , or are having suicidal thoughts , I encourage you to find someone to talk to . Seek help . You are loved and unique , and the world needs you here . If you don 't think anyone cares , I do . I think the world is made up of beautiful , unique , amazing people , and it would be a tragedy to lose anyone to such an unfortunate end . Growing up in my home wasn 't always easy . My older siblings had some problems that caused a lot of drama in our lives . My oldest brother was a pathological liar and had some mental issues . In simple terms , it meant that when he lied about something , which he did often , he truly believed he wasn 't lying . He could convince himself that what he was saying was true , and then get upset because no one believed him . You could watch him do one thing , and then tell you point - blank he did another , and truly believe he was being honest . I can 't imagine what it was like for him growing up , but I do know how it affected me . Many nights were filled with drawn out arguments , my parents knowing my brother was lying , and him believing he was telling the truth . I have watched my mother practically throw my brother 's things out the door one evening , and hold onto him , begging him to stay the next . It was very confusing as a child , to see all of this play out . My brother also had some violent tendencies as well as drug problems . It was always scary when he would lose control when my dad wasn 't home . I remember seeing my mom pinned behind a door a few times , and they had to take away his bats and hockey sticks . One year when I was about 8 or 9 , I had a very nice birthday party at the park . It was a beautiful day to be outside , I had great friends , and I got all the toys I had asked for . The only problem was that my dad and brother were missing . I remember pulling into our driveway after the party , and hearing a loud argument . I guess my dad and brother had gotten into it that day . It was so bad that my mom ran inside to get our things , and we stayed at a Motel 6 for a few nights . It wasn 't the first or last time we would have to stay somewhere else because my brother was out of control . On nights that we did stay home through the arguments , I would hole myself and my brother up in my room , and we would watch TV loudly . Some nights the police were called by neighbors , other nights by my parents . My brother ran away a few times , and eventually he didn 't come home . I know that he eventually landed himself in jail . The only reason we found out he was there , was because he decided to write to my parents . Unfortunately they were not happy letters . They were often filled with violence and threats , and denial of any familial ties . It was a big rift in my family , and to this day we have nothing to do with him . I do know that he is alive and well , but I haven 't gone down the road to reunion . I had a hard time understanding why my parents dealt with my brother the way they did . Couldn 't they see that he just didn 't get it ? I didn 't like arguing as a kid and I still don 't as an adult . It makes me feel sick to my stomach and like the world is falling out from underneath me . After seeing my family argue so well when I was younger , I avoided confrontation as a teen , and it didn 't do me much good . Bullies are still bullies , even when you walk away . And yes , they will hit you from behind . As a child you are supposed to be able to trust the people around you , your family and the people who your parents believe safe enough to be a friend . When that trust is lost a whole new world is exposed . When I was about 7 , I was approached by a member of my family . To put it simply , he asked if I wanted to hang out with him , the way he said he " hung out " with some of my friends . As a 7 - year - old , I figured if my friends were doing these things , then they ok , after all , why would a family member do something bad ? I was very wrong , and this was the simple beginning to two years of molestation . For two whole years I snuck around my home with this member of my family , doing things that no child should even know about . Eventually I figured out that what was happening was not right . I told a friend at school that one of my other girlfriends was doing these things , and he told the principal . The principle believed I was saying bad things about another student , so instead of reaching out and trying to get to the root of the situation , I got in trouble . The principal called my parents who were very upset to hear that I was saying such things . I didn 't really understand the situation , and I thought I was in trouble for what I was saying , and did not elaborate on what was really going on . Eventually things came to an end when this family member was kicked out of our home . I never told my parents what happened . When I was old enough to understand what had happened , I felt too ashamed . I thought " Why did I think this was ok ? " , and how weak I was for doing this just because I thought other kids did it . I was also afraid of how my father would look at me , knowing this had happened right under his nose . I felt like I had brought shame to my family . Eventually as a teenager I did share my experience with a good friend . I was shocked to hear her story , and horrified at how well it mirrored my own . I remember thinking " Oh god , this happens often ? " Since then I have met several women with their own stories of abuse , and they are always heartbreaking . I remember how terrifying it was to think that I lived in a world where most of the women I knew had some horror story of past abuse . This was the beginning of many of the problems I still have today . I think that it was very difficult for me to understand and come to terms with what happened . I sprouted multiple issues because of it , and it made me lose my trust in people . Molestation and rape are never ok . It is never your fault . Someone should never force themselves on another person , and nothing a person can do should ever be considered as " encouraging " rape . I don 't care if you are a kid , a drunk , or an idiot etc , no one deserves to have someone invade their personal space . I encourage anyone who has been raped or abused to tell someone . Tell a friend , a counselor , a family member , anyone . You shouldn 't have to go through that alone . I also encourage you go to the police . Do not let a rapist hold power over you . I am 24 and I am a mom . Most people don 't see past their preconceived notions of a young mom , to see that I am so much more . I have made many mistakes in my life but the road that finally led me here was a bumpy but happy one . My 9 month old daughter truly is the light of my life , and I can only be thankful that I made it to this point . There were many times in my young adulthood that I did not expect to see the next day . I think I often believed that there was no way I would make it to my mid 20 's let alone through another week with myself . Growing up in my shoes had its difficulties , and I quickly grew to be my own worst enemy . For many years I dabbled in drugs and bad decisions . I neglected to care about myself and the people around me . For years I used whatever drugs I could get my hands on to numb my feelings and thoughts . I didn 't want to feel , or have to think , or handle reality . I know there are millions of people out there who choose to use and abuse substances over living their lives , and for many years , I thought they had the right idea . I in no way condone drug use , I have been down that road and I can tell you endless stories about the stupidity and bad decisions involved in drug abuse . I have driven friends away , watched people die , and nearly killed myself in an endless quest for what ? A better high ? I hope for a chance to share some of my stories and memories in a format easily accessible to other people with a past . I strongly encourage any readers to share their own stories . If you felt you could relate to something I have said , please feel free to share . I hope for this to be a place for free flow of thought without judgment . I know that so many people out there have a colored history , but I also know that we are the people we are meant to be because of the experiences , and lessons we live through . I personally believe that we go through all the things that we do , so we can be better equipped to handle situations later on . An easy example of a life lesson ? Put your hand on a hot stove , after you burn it the first time I doubt that you will put your hand back , or any other body part for that matter . Life is just a series of lessons accumulating and turning you into the person you are . I plan on laying out several of my own personal life lessons , with hope that someone out there can relate , learn , or enjoy my personal stories . |
It might be true or not , but I came up with this story to tell of his first time . It tells the truth , his truth , just more than the simple truth . His explanation follows the story . This happened in the summer between junior high and high school . I lived in a small town in Indiana called Huntington , not very big , but famous for Dan Quayle who was vice president back then . Now , a few roads and a highway remember his name , but then , he was big news . I was barely fourteen . My birthday was the week after graduation from eighth grade . I think I was a pretty normal guy , mostly . I had a few friends , a couple of really good friends , a best friend , a bike that got me around town well enough , the new Nintendo video game in my room , a phone on my bedside table that wasn 't a corny old rotary thing , and was looking forward to being a real high school student . I was kind of tall , like my dad . I think he was about six feet tall . Mom was tall , too . So I never thought I was going to be small . I had my mom 's hair , real light blond and straight . Had her mouth , too . Small and with fat lips . I thought they made me look girly , so I started keeping a kind of frown on my face , keeping my lips tight and straight . I got my big frame from my dad , and his big ears and huge brown eyes . I mean huge , brown eyes . They looked like they belonged on Ewoks or something . I 'm going to brag , but the truth isn 't really bragging , right ? I was really hung . I was fourteen , and measuring it since the hair started at barely thirteen . Back then , the major source of information outside of school and textbooks was the library . I had found out there and from talk with the guys , and some show and tell , that four to five inches was normal at my age . Four was pretty normal , less was still normal , depending on if you had hair yet , and how much . Five was really long for fourteen . Unless I had a freak of a ruler , I was six and a quarter inches on my fourteenth birthday . It was thin , though , so it was shaped like one of those permanent markers . I was cut and it wasn 't smooth at all . Veins made it seem sort of rough , and the flared edges of the head stuck out more than what I saw on my friends . I hoped I was pretty average , otherwise . I never thought about fags , except in jokes or calling a friend one as a joke . I just didn 't think about that . In small - town Indiana in the eighties , gays were on the news as spreading AIDS , wore weird clothes , and lived in big cities - they had nothing to do with us . That summer , Gabriel Sheer moved into town . His parents did , so he did , too . He moved into a house that had been empty almost all year , after the old couple there moved in with their son in Fort Wayne . They cleaned the place up and me and Russell were playing in my yard one day , when that kid came out of their garage with a mower , obviously to mow the yard . We felt like spying , he didn 't seem to have seen us , so we went inside and sat in my room and watched out my window as he fought with the mower for a long time before he put gas down the carburetor and it finally started . As he bent over the mower , pulling the cord over and over , his butt and legs showed off in his tight jeans . He had to be a little older than us . It was blazingly hot , and he took off his shirt before he got the mower started . Now we could tell that he was way older than us . He had hair on his chest and obviously worked out . It didn 't do anything to me at all . I wasn 't gay at all . Russell made jokes , I did too , and soon I saw how Russell was touching himself . I 'd discovered jerking off about a year before . I was doing it every day , sometimes more than once . I liked to do it in the shower at night , before I went to bed . Russ had stayed over last night , and I didn 't have a shower , so I didn 't get to . Maybe that was why it got hard . But it got hard and stayed hard . As we spied on our new neighbor , Russ lived behind me , so almost behind the new guy too , I wondered why watching him sweat and mow grass would make him hard . There was only one reason , and I knew Russ was no fag . He was my very best friend , and lived behind me , so we spent a lot of time together . If he was a homo , I 'd know it . So I thought . It was obviously one of those random popup ones . We joked about him being so stupid , as it took him so long to get the mower started . We played Nintendo for a while . Russ said he wanted to go home for a while and would come back after dinner . He didn 't come back later , but that wasn 't all that unusual . That week , I didn 't see Russ as much as usual . He came over during the evening , after my folks got home , and stayed over most nights . He was kind of quiet . It seemed like he was mad , or sad . Not a lot , but enough it was there . During the day , he was simply gone . I asked , but he said he had things to do . We planned on watching the Creature Feature Saturday night at my place . Like normal . Out of all of us , I had the largest , and color , television in my room , so that was simply that . I loved being in the dark with him , or other friends , watching old monster movies , under a blanket . Russ always came over Saturday nights , as he was usually there every day anyway . Usually Terry and Bill came over , too , sometimes Joe . They were my four best friends . Terry and Bill were like Russ and me , and Joe was sort of the loner . We all lived in the same new part of town , the same subdivision , so we all became friends . The next Saturday night , Terry and Bill came over by six , and Joe showed up just before the movie started . We waited for Russ , but he didn 't show up as the creepy Creature Feature music started . So Terry and Bill got under one blanket on the floor , and me and Joe got under one on my bed . It was hot , and I didn 't have an air conditioner in my room , so everybody wore shorts and swimming trunks , like normal , knowing it was going to be hot and we would be watching the monster movies under blankets . I had the luxury of wearing pajamas . Joe did too because he was going to stay the night . Terry and Bill were going to walk to Terry 's house later , after the movie , and once the parents there broke up their card game and then they could raid the fridge in peace . The movie wasn 't too bad , and before too long , Russ came over . Joe made to get up so he could have his usual place next to me , but Russ pushed him back down on his front next to me and then he sat with his back to the headboard like Joe usually did . I could tell something was wrong with Russ without even thinking . I think even the other guys could tell . The movie ended , and Terry and Bill left like normal . They liked staying at his place more than at mine . I knew why , my house had cement floors under the carpet , like theirs . We weren 't all going to pile onto my bed , that was gay . Two could fit , and with the small Joe , it was tight but okay . We were all getting bigger , and soon it would be weird , even if all three of us still fit . Russ wasn 't very happy , even Joe asked him what was wrong , but he seemed to get better by midnight or about . We had a pretty good time . Joe fell asleep , and Russ said he was too tired to play another game , so we stretched out and sort of powered down . It was dark and Russ was shaking me awake and whispering . He said he needed to talk about something really important . I said okay , but he wanted to be even more alone than we were with Joe pretty much snoring in bed with us . We sneaked out to the back yard and behind the garage . He sat down and got quiet , and I had to ask him several times what was up . He sat there with his face in his arms and his arms over his knees . I could tell that he was wiping his eyes and trying not to tear up or cry . It was really awkward and embarrassing . I knew it was even more for him , too . I wondered if his parents were sick , if his older sister at college in Indianapolis was okay , or what was wrong . I asked that and other stuff , trying to guess . I don 't remember exactly how it went when he finally let loose , but it was very much like this . I thought it had to be something really , really bad . We 'd done enough bad stuff together , that if he was having this kind of reaction to whatever it was , it had to be hugely bad . I asked what a few times before he said anything . I wanted to make him feel better , so I put my hand on his shoulder and he flinched away like I had hit him . That was the first time he had ever reacted like that to me touching him and I noticed it like it was an obvious red flag . His head popped up and I knew it was really , really bad . He looked scared to death and angry at the same time . He made me promise not to tell , and he would tell me . But he made me swear , and to swear not to hate him , and to swear I wouldn 't stop being his friend . I couldn 't imagine what he had done , but I agreed , meaning all of it . I didn 't care if he had killed someone , I knew he had to have a great reason , and he was my best friend . I promised all of it . I nodded , watching his face closely , seeing he was hurt and scared and worried , and probably a lot more , too . He met my eyes sometimes , but mostly didn 't . Mostly he wiped his eyes and tried not to cry even harder , or even more . I waited , hurting a lot for him . " We did it . I don 't know why or how it happened or why I let it or why he made me or anything ! But we did it and I liked it and it was fun and . . . I 'm gay ! " He meant it , it wasn 't a joke , but I kept thinking that it had to be . Russell was no fag . This new guy might be , and he might have gotten Russ to do something bad with him , but Russ was not a fag . That kept going around in my head , over and over . I knew he was waiting for me to say something . I wanted to say something , that was for sure , but I didn 't know what . One thing was true , though , and I meant it , and I thought he could use hearing it , so I said it . " You 're my best friend , Russ , and if this guy got you to do something , if you 're a , gay , or whatever , I guess it don 't matter . Okay ? We 're friends . Just don 't feel bad , okay ? " He did the weirdest thing then . We 'd done it before , for different reasons , but not for a while . And him doing it then made it seem like a whole different thing than it had ever been before . I didn 't know how many times I had to tell him . Finally I pushed him off me and made him meet my eyes . He looked like the day his uncle had been buried . He started crying again . I kept telling him that I didn 't care . I said as long as he didn 't dress up like a girl or chase guys in the shower at school , that I didn 't care . I made him laugh with some of the things I said he couldn 't do now . I asked if we could go back inside before we were sucked dry by mosquitoes . He said if we went back inside that there was a danger that he would suck me dry . I was shocked . He 'd made stupid jokes like that before , but now I knew he had meant them . He was gay . Russ was gay . Or at least , he thought he was . I didn 't notice until we got in my room , but we were holding hands . He asked if he could sleep close to me , that he promised that he wouldn 't slip his hand in my pajamas . He said he just wanted to be close to me so he wouldn 't feel alone . I said okay and he curled up next to me , almost touching me . It was a little uncomfortable , but it was just Russ , and he was scared and worried , and that new guy had him thinking he was a homo . I got very angry at that guy , and I hardly slept . I planned such retribution and revenge . I slept late the next morning . Joe and Russ were playing Nintendo and having a good time when I woke up . I was tired , and really glad that Russ wasn 't still so sad . I was still really mad at that asshole new guy . I went and got breakfast , then changed into street clothes , and joined them for a Sunday of normal good times . Until Joe went home and Russ wanted to talk . That was the most awkward and painful time in my life to that point . I wanted Russ to explain what had happened , but he said that didn 't matter , that all that did matter was that Gabriel Sheer had opened up a new part of his life for him . Russ wasn 't mad at him at all , was even glad it had happened , and said he liked Gabe , he was just scared to go back . " Why do you think you 're like him ? Maybe it just felt good ? Maybe you just liked what he did , was all . How do you know you 're gay ? " He couldn 't answer , but he thought for a long time . I asked again . I saw him come up with his answer as if it happened like a switch was flipped . He looked at me and I could tell he was close to crying again . I told him that I loved him , too , but that didn 't mean I was a turd - burglar . I said I cared about him a lot , but that didn 't mean I was a rump - ranger . I said I thought he was the best guy I knew , but that didn 't make me a cum - guzzler . He laughed at every stupid joke we 'd ever made up as I told them . I ran out of them , and he still kept laughing and crying at the same time . But he seemed to be in a better mood at least . " He . . . he gave me a blow - job . Then he , showed me how to . And we did it again . And . . . other stuff . That 's why . I did it . Sex stuff . Real sex stuff . Benny , I did it . With him . It . " I gasped , shocked . Blow - jobs were almost nothing , really . I 'd thought about what it would be like myself , to give one . Sort of . I had no idea how many times I 'd tried imagining what getting one was like . It was always a girl in my head , giving it to me , though . Almost always . They 'd really done that together ? And Russ liked it ? Russ is really a homo ? And he lost his virginity before me ? He 's not even close to as studly as I am , I thought , almost angry . He wasn 't as tall as me , not as buff , not as strong , not as good looking as me . He was soft , shortish , kind of weakly , a little extra roundness around his belly and hips , soft arms and legs , almost chubby cheeks , and mild , blue - gray eyes under weak , almost invisible brows that were lighter than his blond hair . I actually got a little mad . I always thought I was going to be the first of us laid . I was the best looking . The girls had started saying how they liked my lips and mouth , and said I had a good body and hair . I was sure that as soon as high school started , I was going to be really popular with girls . I was sure I was going to be the one in our group that dated first , got to each base first , and got laid first . " I knew a little while ago . I knew when . . . " He looked up and looked at me for a few seconds . " I knew when I knew I loved you this summer . " I knew it . He was now faced with the obvious proof that he just liked me , and that he just liked what this new guy had gotten him to do . It was his first sex , it was probably hot and sexy and fun , but it was just sex with some dude . He would start wanting girls , he wouldn 't go back to that new guy for any more sex with him , and soon he 'd be chasing girls with me and the guys . He kissed me . It was weird . His lips grabbed and moved and pulled mine . And his tongue pushed between my lips and moved all over mine . His arm went around my shoulder and he moved closer , and I got hot . Not warm , fucking hot . I got so turned on . Really , really , truly , totally , turned on . And hard . He finally stopped and moved his head back on his neck and we looked at each other . He looked worried and scared again . And I think , shy ? There was no doubt how he got Gabriel to have sex with him . One kiss and I was ready to do anything with Russ . My mind kept thinking how great it would be to keep kissing Russ and see where it went . And it kept hoping that Russ kissed me again and showed me exactly what Gabriel had done to him . But part of me knew it was faggy , and wrong , and maybe even sick . That part got washed away when he kissed me again . He moved in really slowly , and I had plenty of time to move away , or tell him to stop . It was all we said . He laughed and I saw him hide his hard - on with a hand . I swallowed . I had seen it before . We had played what I 've since learned are normal show - and - tell type of games with each other by then . All the guys , at different times . But never totally hard . And never in a real sexual situation . Not to me , I knew , right then . But to him , it probably had been sexual , each and every time . That only made me hornier . I reached out and moved my hand under his and felt him up . It felt a lot like my own , but it wasn 't as big . Touching him like that , in a way that wasn 't a goofy game , was so hot . He grinned and even laughed , then did it to me . I thought I was going to get off right then , but it somehow held off and felt so great as his hand just sat there and softly squeezed and felt out its size and scope . The weird , intense feelings racing all through me were so strong and new . And wild ! I loved them , and how I felt . I wanted even more , but my first thought was my parents . I looked at my bedroom door , which I had kept closed most of the time for the last few years . He noticed and I could tell he was thinking about the same thing . I couldn 't wait . I was so hard it tingled and jerked in my pants . I tingled and shivered inside , too . We were both panting and sweating and smiling . We were laying on our sides , facing each other . He didn 't look at me , I remember how he just looked at his hands . I was sure I wanted to , but it was so gay . Russ was gay . Russ liked me so much he said he loved me . I liked Russ , a lot , more than all my other friends . I trusted Russ . I wanted sex with Russ . Or something . It was an obvious answer , but how could I not like it ? I had no idea what we were going to do . I asked . He said he wanted to kiss me , a lot , and touch me all over . I could touch him where I wanted to . If I liked what he did , I should tell him , so he 'd know he could do that more . If I didn 't like something , I should tell him that , too , so he didn 't waste time with it . He said he wanted to put me in his mouth and show me how awesome it was . That made mine jerk in my pants in anticipation . He asked if I might want to try to on him . I nodded , and tried not to laugh . He asked if he could try fingers up my butt . I wasn 't sure about that . He said he 'd ask later , before he tried . He said I should try whenever I felt like it . He liked it , and I shouldn 't worry if I wanted to do it to him . He said he wanted me to fuck him . He said I would have to use my fingers first , and he would show me how . He asked if my folks had Vaseline or baby oil . We waited , giggling , and embarrassed . At least , I was . Very , very embarrassed . It seemed so scary and weird . I was thinking about doing sex stuff with Russ ! A guy ! Russ had already ! And said he liked it . He said he had done almost everything with the older guy almost next door , all week long . He said it had been fun , felt great , and wanted to do it with me . He said he was sure he loved me . He said he wasn 't going back to Gabriel for anything . He said he didn 't like Gabe that way . He called him Gabe . He said that Gabe was nice , and had a nice body , but he didn 't like Gabe that way . He only liked me that way . I felt as if a bus had backed into my gut . The idea that Russ was gay was just too weird , but I thought I could deal with that . But that he liked me that much was just too much to handle without nearly losing my breath . Russ loved me ? Like that ? How could I not have a huge catch happen when I heard him say that ? He said that he only did what he did with Gabe because Gabe wanted to . He told me how he had seen Gabe on his way over after dinner that first day , how Gabe had said hi , and talked to him , and being older , it was a neat feeling having an older guy being nice to him . Gabe had talked to him for a long time , and it got late , and Gabe asked him to come over in the morning . Russ went home , feeling great , and horny . Gabe had changed into short shorts , and Russ had seen stuff , got excited , and by the time he got home , barely got started and made a big mess . Russ was so embarrassed , telling me the story . It was funny , sort of . It didn 't make me dislike this Gabe any less , though . Russ said it was too embarrassing to come over that night after what he had done with Gabe , so he didn 't . And went over to Gabe 's the next morning . He knocked , and Gabe answered in tight , white underwear . Russ said he got hard right away and tried not to let it show , so that Gabe wouldn 't think he was a fag . Gabe fixed cereal , ate it , and they played his video game . Gabe got close and make jokes and talked Russ into smoking a joint . That was a real stunner . Drugs were bad , I was sure . Now I really didn 't like Gabe at all . Gabe made jokes , and Russ liked seeing him in his underwear , sitting so close . Gabe put on a porno . Gabe got hard . Gabe reached out and pulled Russ ' hand over and on top of his massive dick . Russ got so excited he almost came . Gabe asked him if he had ever had sex . Gabe asked if he liked what he felt . Gabe asked him if he could take off his pants . By noon , Gabe had sucked off Russ , and Russ had sucked off Gabe . They had rested , joked around , naked , talking , laughing . Then Gabe started up again , and slipped a finger up inside of Russ , and soon Russ was spread - eagle and Gabe was fucking him . Then they rested , Russ hard all the time , and then Gabe showed Russ how to fuck him . Russ said it was so hard to come to my place that night , even for the few minutes he did . He felt dirty , and like he was lying to me . He knew what he was now , for sure , and not just confused by feelings he had about me . He said he wished it had been with me , but it was Gabe . He said it felt like he was being mean to me . He said when he got home that night , that he wasn 't going to go see Gabe again . He wanted to talk to me , instead . The next day , he was coming to my house when Gabe came outside wearing only swimming trunks and waved him over . Russ said he felt like he had to go over there now that Gabe saw him . He went over thinking to talk to Gabe and tell him that he didn 't want to do that with him again . Instead , Gabe got him high , got him naked , and got him again . Lots of times . That was the day that Russ hadn 't come over at all . Russ went back to Gabe 's the next morning and stayed all day , getting high and having sex , then went home for dinner and a nap , than to my place at night , sometimes . He did that the rest of the week . He said it was weird , and he didn 't like it . He liked the sex , not the pot so much , and not the feeling like he was doing something wrong . So , last night , it was too much to bear , and he had to wake me up and tell me . I said I was glad he did . I asked if he felt better . He said he did and I could see that he did . He smiled like normal again . The whole time he talked , his fingers traced over my face and neck and through my hair and even my shoulder and arm . It tickled a lot , and felt really great . I started copying that on him , and it even felt great to do , too . Over an hour ago , when we first stopped kissing and started talking , close and gently touching , I had seen no way I could wait , all bound up and hard and ready to explode . But now , I felt soft inside , even though it was still mostly hard . I felt calm , even though I was raging for sex inside . I was excited , but satisfied with laying there face - to - face and just talking . At least , for right then . It was a very weird sensation , or bunch of sensations . We kept talking , and my parents said goodnight . We giggled , trying not to be heard . My room was in the corner of the house at the end of the hall , and my parents ' room was across and down the hall . We could make some noise , but not a lot . I had gotten good at making no noise when I jerked it in the shower , but I worried if he could be quiet . He had the whole house alone with Gabriel and they didn 't have to worry about noise . I asked , and he got really red , and said he could be quiet . He said we would make the bed squeak , though . We would have to use the floor . We waited for my folks to fall asleep , raided the fridge for soda and snacks , watched Johnny Carson , and waited . And waited . By midnight , I was sure they were asleep , and Russ was starting to grin at me in his strange new way . I almost asked if he was ready , but I didn 't know how to ask such a question . He scooted over next to me as we lay on the bed on our stomachs , watching television . I laughed . He scooted closer , laughing , and put his arm out , nearly over my shoulder . The tingles exploded through me when his arm did finally come to rest over me . I couldn 't stop looking at his face , and his huge grin , and wondering what we were going to do . His face came closer and I knew he was wanting to kiss . I angled my head and let him kiss me . It was suddenly like hours had passed . We were all twisted together , arms and legs , and faces . We had to breathe , but we spent as little time with our lips not touching as we could . I was not only on fire inside , I was being electrocuted , too . I had no idea that such feeling existed . Of all the new and strange things that had happened to me since puberty had started , this was the best , and made all the bad things worth it . He had this cute thing he did sometimes , sort of inside his throat . It was sort of a moan , or a squeak , or something . It was totally cute . I had never heard him make it before . I loved it . I loved that I was making him make it . We ground together like that forever . His erection would push up against mine , and mine would push up against his , and our hips would grind and move , and it was beyond great ! We panted , kissing , learning how to move our lips and tongues together . Our hands wrapped around each other would touch and tickle sometimes , but mostly held each other 's head , pressing our lips tightly together . I felt myself getting so close to cumming , and I didn 't care . It felt so great ! It was taking so long ! He made that cute squeak more often , and I groaned like a dog with a bone . We pushed ourselves into each other , thrusting and grinding , shivering , grunting . I felt his body shuddering like mad , and his breath stop , and he tightened around me like a constrictor snake about to have a meal . I wanted to warn him I was there , too , but it was so perfect that he was , and we were , together . I could actually feel his erection dance in his pants , right up next to mine ! That felt like nothing before , and simply incredible ! To have his most private part pressed so tightly to mine , both moving all on their own , against each other . They moved like living creatures as our bodies tensed and our breath stopped . His jerked in a regular way , again and again , and I knew he was filling his underwear with his stuff , and that made my dick puff up like a birthday whistle and start pumping too . After the most powerful , incredible , slowest , most intense orgasm of my life , and the first one with someone else , I started breathing again . So did he . Then we started giggling . I was sure he was happy , and I was , too , but I was confused , too . And worried . And scared . I wasn 't supposed to feel these kinds of things for a boy . I didn 't care very much if a friend did , I had found out last night when he had told me that he was gay , but it wasn 't supposed to be that way to me . It was wrong that I liked what we had done . It was wrong that I liked how it had felt . It was really wrong that I wanted to do it again , and other things , and everything that he had done with Gabriel . That was all wrong . I rolled away and sat up , and Russ knew something was wrong . He asked me what . I told him that I wasn 't gay . I told him I liked him as my friend . I told him what we just had done was wrong . I told him we were never going to do it again . I told him if he wanted to do it with Gabriel , he could , all he wanted , but I didn 't want to know about it at all . I swore I 'd never tell anyone about him and Gabriel , and I made him swear that he would never tell anyone about what we had just done . He was crying , and it was really hard to talk to him and not cry too . But he was a real trooper . I must have hurt him so much . I sort of hated doing it , hated myself for saying those things , and hated the whole situation . And I hated Gabriel . He begged me not to hate him . I swore I never would , no matter what . I said he was my best friend , and I wanted him to stay my best friend , but I didn 't like him ' that way ' , and that he had to find someone else to be ' that way ' with . He asked if he had to leave . It was way too late for that . I said no . I went into the bathroom and took clean pajamas with me . I got cleaned up , feeling sick inside . I still wanted to do stuff with him . That was so wrong . I went back into my room and he asked if he could borrow some pajama bottoms . I had a new pair and lent them to him . When he came out wearing my pajamas , for the first time , I noticed how he looked . Not like always , not if he was messy or neat , seemed happy or sad , or had my pajamas on backwards or something . For the first time I noticed his gentle features , how his almost blue but mostly gray eyes were soulful and filled with whatever emotion he was feeling , how his lips were so deeply red and shaped almost like perfect lips were in drawings or cartoons , how his ever - so - slightly - longish blond hair was mostly straight but curled just a bit at the ends , and how he moved so smoothly and gracefully . I noticed he wasn 't as slim as me , but wasn 't in any way plump , let alone fat . He had soft , rounded areas at his belly and hips , and his nipples were pink and slightly puffy . He had long legs , and the thin pajamas didn 't hide his butt , or how he dangled between his legs when the light was behind him . I felt really awkward , trying to find a place to lay down on my own bed , with him there , now . I didn 't want to do anything different and make things seem different , but now they were . Unfixably different . Forever . I heard him sniffling , and my eyes got all wet , too . He was my best friend , had been for so long , and the only best friend I 'd ever had . I didn 't want to lose him , or that . But it was all different , and I felt it all slipping away . He asked if he could ask me a favor . I could tell he was crying from his voice . I said he could ask anything . After a long pause , which made me worry what he wanted to ask , he scooted just a little closer , and asked if I would put my arm over him , like I used to when we camped out in back and it was chilly . I knew exactly what he meant . I knew exactly why he wanted me to . It wasn 't that he was cold , or that he wanted to relive times from a few months ago . But I wanted that feeling , of what we had before I knew what he was . And before I knew what he felt about me . So I rolled over , and waited while he rolled away from me , and I put my arm over his shoulder and tucked up behind him , spooning . I remembered our jokes about being fags the last few times we had kept warm like that in my sleeping bag out back in my little tent . I knew he had thought things about me even back then . I wasn 't against him nearly like I had been those times . My front didn 't touch him anywhere , and only my arm touched him at all , and that was barely resting on his arm , nothing like over and around him like before . It wasn 't anything like it had been . I felt his crying for the few minutes before he whimpered , " Okay , forget it , " and scooted away . I felt so bad . I was no friend to him . He deserved someone who could be what he wanted . Not me , who could barely touch him now . I had lost my best friend . He hadn 't done anything to deserve it . He was just who he was . I liked him , still . I was sure . I tried imagining life without him . It was a stupid exercise . There was still Bill , Terry , Joe , and the other guys at school , but , Russ was half of my life . And I knew it . And I needed that half , or I 'd be empty and miserable . But he was gay . He loved me . I kept hearing him say that , and I kept feeling that kind of bounce inside my guts when he said it . I was wiping my eyes , trying not to cry as loud as he was . I stared at his silhouette against the light coming in the window . I could see him shaking , and I could feel it in the bed , and I could hear it in his breathing . It was making me miserable . It just fucking hurt . I had to . It was the only thing to do . If I liked him at all , I had to be some kind of friend to him . I liked him , a lot . He was Russell . He was the Russmeister , even if we hadn 't used those silly nicknames in years . He was the guy I would kill to protect . I knew he would kill anyone to protect me . I knew my biggest secrets would always be safe with him , and I would never tell any of his , and certainly not these new ones . I scooted forward and tucked up against him , fully , and put my arm over and around him , and moved so that my face was tucked up behind the back of his neck . He smelled like sweat and Russ . My stomach and chest was against his warm , slightly - damp back . My lap was tucked up right against his butt . My legs were up against his . I felt his breaths and his shivering , and I felt how hard it was for him to talk , but he forced himself to . " Man , Russ , I only care that you 're my best friend , and I don 't think I 'd like it if you wasn 't . So don 't worry . If it gets weird , I 'll deal with it . Like this . I know you , liked it that way , now , when we did it in the tent . I didn 't then . Didn 't even think about that kind of stuff . But , it 'll be okay . " I felt us both relaxing now . His breathing was slowing and normal , now that he wasn 't crying any longer . His fingers tickled the hairs on my forearm that rested over his chest . When we had curled up like that in my sleeping bag , I had kept my right arm behind him , between us , bent upward , often with that hand under my head . Now I wanted that arm around him too . I began wriggling it between him and the bed and he raised upward so that it was easier , then captured that hand and held onto it . No one had ever kissed the palm of my hand before , but I knew that was what he was doing . It tickled insanely and made me laugh . I started getting even by blowing over the short hairs at the back of his neck . He snickered , and that felt nice against my body and in my arms . I started thinking about what we had done , and how I had felt about it while it happened , and how I felt about it now . It had felt great , easily the best thing I had ever felt . I wondered just how much better it was for real . It had to be even better , on purpose , naked , with mouths and hands . I started getting hard . It was going to end up pushing against his butt , and we were wearing thin , summer pajamas . I wondered what he would think when he noticed . I wasn 't willing to back away from him . He needed someone to hold him , I just knew that instinctively , and I liked how it felt to hold him . " Does it make you , worry ? Or uncomfortable ? I don 't mean it to mean anything , I was just . . . " I giggled , " thinking about what we did . And , how it was , really pretty nice . Is all . It don 't mean anything . If you don 't mind it , I 'd rather keep holding you , Russ . I . . . I really like it , now . " I scooted up to him , tightly , and wrapped my arms around him . I found his hands with one of mine , held onto it , and wiggled up against him . My boner slipped between his cheeks and was sort of out of the way there . My other hand found his shoulder , and it was nice to hold onto , making my hug of him tight and cozy . It was hot in my room , and we were going to end up sweaty and stuck together . I didn 't give a fuck . I wasn 't going to let anything change . Especially not between Russ and me . Not in a bad way . If Russ had changed , then I 'd change , too . But I didn 't think I could be gay . Not even to stay friends with Russ . But I realized that Russ hadn 't changed , just that what I knew about him had . He might have changed into being gay , but that had already happened . What changed tonight was that he had told me . Now I knew . He didn 't say anything . He rolled over in my arms and faced me . It was sort of awkward . It was too dark to see his face clearly . " You can really be okay that I like you ? A lot ? Even . . . be cool that I 'm , sure I 'm . . . that I 'm in love with you ? " " Dude , Russ , what if I 'm cool with it ? What if I think I , might , want to , find out how much I 'm willing to do ? With you ? " " I 'm saying , what happened was . . . cool . It felt . . . great ! I . . . I 'd like to try out some other stuff . I 'm saying , if it 's good enough for my best friend , then it 's good enough for me to try out . Especially with him . You . " He giggled again . His hand searched for mine , found it , and held it to his lips . We snuggled tightly together , face to face . I could tell he was crying again . I had never seen him cry so often . It really bothered me . That it bothered me so much , convinced me that I was more like him than I was different . " I don 't have a fucking clue . I know you 're my best friend , ever , and I care more for you than anybody else . I know that . I don 't know anything else . Do I have to ? " It was every boy 's dream ! We 'd all joked about finding a girl who would have sex without having to be in , gulp , love . Sex without the girl saying she loved you , and all the entanglements . What could be better ? I wondered , and I thought , and I noticed that his face was close to mine . I could tell he was going to kiss me , or wanted to . I wished I could see his face so I could tell what he was thinking and feeling . I wondered if I wanted to kiss him again . He was my best friend . He was Russell . We had , before , and it had been awesome ! But it had been a surprise . But it had felt really awesome ! I wondered what it would feel like now , knowing it was coming , knowing all I knew now . Knowing it was Russ . Knowing all of that . I stretched out and felt his lips on mine again . It was so nice ! My heart raced faster , my skin went all electric , my guts twisted and tightened , and it was so great again ! And our arms went around each other , and we pulled ourselves tightly to one another , kissing and hugging and wriggling . I didn 't care if he was gay . I didn 't know if I was or not . I didn 't care if I was or not . I only cared that I cared about Russ , and I loved how he made me feel , and I loved knowing I made him feel something like how he made me feel . This is really how it went . Ray did a really great job of making it a real story . He added little details and conversation and things and made it way better than the simple truth and way better than I could have in years trying . Russ was my best friend when a new guy moved in on our block the summer before high school . Russ ended up messing around with Gabriel and figuring out he was gay . Russ was acting weird for a week at least and one night when he spent the night , he told me what he did with Gabriel . He said he was gay and that made him a bad person . It was just like Ray wrote it . I even remembered little things as I told Ray about that night . I reacted the way you read . I wasn 't upset or freaked out . I was just sad and worried about Russ . He was hurt and that had to stop happening . I hated Gabriel for making Russ hurt . I was a kid and that was the way things fell together in my head . Gabriel was some kind of monster who had hurt my best friend and now my best friend was hurting and thinking he was now something different or a bad person . I was so angry with that new guy ! I did take Russ back to my room and wanted him to stay the rest of the night . Joe had no idea the next day . The next night we did dry - hump to a finish at the same time . I felt him cumming and that made me . The rest of the night was a lot like Ray 's story . I got scared and confused and worried and upset . What if my parents had heard ? What if they found out ? At times I wondered if I was going to lose my best friend . Other times I could barely stand thinking about what we had done to each other . Then I 'd think how it was so much fun . Then I 'd think how wrong it was . But he asked me to put my arm on him like in the tent in my sleeping bag . I didn 't understand why , but I was willing so he 'd stop crying and maybe feel better . It took no time for me to feel better about doing that and figure out why he had liked it in the tent earlier in the year . We started really talking , then we cuddled up and started kissing . We dry - humped in pajamas this time . His dick jumping in those pajamas against mine through my pajamas finished me off . We felt the sticky wetness soaking through the pajamas and didn 't care and let it . We were stuck together the next morning . But that was my second time and isn 't part of this story . I just wanted you to know we did it again that night . We kept doing it off and on for our first two years in high school . I dated a couple of girls . I wasn 't totally gay . Still am not . I prefer women , but the right guy can turn me on . BTW , Joe turned out to be the big surprise . Turned out he was doing stuff with Gabriel the whole time Gabriel went to our high school . That was two years , then Gabriel went to college and I hardly ever saw him again . Little , quiet , shy Joe was gay , and neither me or Russ guessed or even thought about it until we asked why he was gone all day the first day Gabriel was home from college . Russ and Joe helped each other out a lot after that but I never got into that with them . I liked Russ so much and he was more than enough and by then I was into girls and was popular and going out on dates all the time . I liked Joe too but not that way at all . Sometimes I was in the way and that hurt and bothered me . But I had girls and sports and was sort of popular so I had stuff to do while they got together and made each other really happy for the last two years of high school . So there 's the whole story and the real story . The two years spent doing things with Russ were part of the best years of my entire life and I 'm glad every day that they happened . I 'm glad Gabriel seduced every boy in the neighborhood and especially Russ . Maybe I wish Russ had the time to seduce me without Gabriel tricking him first , but that probably never would have happened . Most of all I 'm just glad I was friends with Russ and got to know him that way . I 'm very glad that I was friends with him and Joe and Bill and Terry . I 've never had friends like them again and I know I never will . |
It might be true or not , but I came up with this story to tell of his first time . It tells the truth , his truth , just more than the simple truth . His explanation follows the story . This happened in the summer between junior high and high school . I lived in a small town in Indiana called Huntington , not very big , but famous for Dan Quayle who was vice president back then . Now , a few roads and a highway remember his name , but then , he was big news . I was barely fourteen . My birthday was the week after graduation from eighth grade . I think I was a pretty normal guy , mostly . I had a few friends , a couple of really good friends , a best friend , a bike that got me around town well enough , the new Nintendo video game in my room , a phone on my bedside table that wasn 't a corny old rotary thing , and was looking forward to being a real high school student . I was kind of tall , like my dad . I think he was about six feet tall . Mom was tall , too . So I never thought I was going to be small . I had my mom 's hair , real light blond and straight . Had her mouth , too . Small and with fat lips . I thought they made me look girly , so I started keeping a kind of frown on my face , keeping my lips tight and straight . I got my big frame from my dad , and his big ears and huge brown eyes . I mean huge , brown eyes . They looked like they belonged on Ewoks or something . I 'm going to brag , but the truth isn 't really bragging , right ? I was really hung . I was fourteen , and measuring it since the hair started at barely thirteen . Back then , the major source of information outside of school and textbooks was the library . I had found out there and from talk with the guys , and some show and tell , that four to five inches was normal at my age . Four was pretty normal , less was still normal , depending on if you had hair yet , and how much . Five was really long for fourteen . Unless I had a freak of a ruler , I was six and a quarter inches on my fourteenth birthday . It was thin , though , so it was shaped like one of those permanent markers . I was cut and it wasn 't smooth at all . Veins made it seem sort of rough , and the flared edges of the head stuck out more than what I saw on my friends . I hoped I was pretty average , otherwise . I never thought about fags , except in jokes or calling a friend one as a joke . I just didn 't think about that . In small - town Indiana in the eighties , gays were on the news as spreading AIDS , wore weird clothes , and lived in big cities - they had nothing to do with us . That summer , Gabriel Sheer moved into town . His parents did , so he did , too . He moved into a house that had been empty almost all year , after the old couple there moved in with their son in Fort Wayne . They cleaned the place up and me and Russell were playing in my yard one day , when that kid came out of their garage with a mower , obviously to mow the yard . We felt like spying , he didn 't seem to have seen us , so we went inside and sat in my room and watched out my window as he fought with the mower for a long time before he put gas down the carburetor and it finally started . As he bent over the mower , pulling the cord over and over , his butt and legs showed off in his tight jeans . He had to be a little older than us . It was blazingly hot , and he took off his shirt before he got the mower started . Now we could tell that he was way older than us . He had hair on his chest and obviously worked out . It didn 't do anything to me at all . I wasn 't gay at all . Russell made jokes , I did too , and soon I saw how Russell was touching himself . I 'd discovered jerking off about a year before . I was doing it every day , sometimes more than once . I liked to do it in the shower at night , before I went to bed . Russ had stayed over last night , and I didn 't have a shower , so I didn 't get to . Maybe that was why it got hard . But it got hard and stayed hard . As we spied on our new neighbor , Russ lived behind me , so almost behind the new guy too , I wondered why watching him sweat and mow grass would make him hard . There was only one reason , and I knew Russ was no fag . He was my very best friend , and lived behind me , so we spent a lot of time together . If he was a homo , I 'd know it . So I thought . It was obviously one of those random popup ones . We joked about him being so stupid , as it took him so long to get the mower started . We played Nintendo for a while . Russ said he wanted to go home for a while and would come back after dinner . He didn 't come back later , but that wasn 't all that unusual . That week , I didn 't see Russ as much as usual . He came over during the evening , after my folks got home , and stayed over most nights . He was kind of quiet . It seemed like he was mad , or sad . Not a lot , but enough it was there . During the day , he was simply gone . I asked , but he said he had things to do . We planned on watching the Creature Feature Saturday night at my place . Like normal . Out of all of us , I had the largest , and color , television in my room , so that was simply that . I loved being in the dark with him , or other friends , watching old monster movies , under a blanket . Russ always came over Saturday nights , as he was usually there every day anyway . Usually Terry and Bill came over , too , sometimes Joe . They were my four best friends . Terry and Bill were like Russ and me , and Joe was sort of the loner . We all lived in the same new part of town , the same subdivision , so we all became friends . The next Saturday night , Terry and Bill came over by six , and Joe showed up just before the movie started . We waited for Russ , but he didn 't show up as the creepy Creature Feature music started . So Terry and Bill got under one blanket on the floor , and me and Joe got under one on my bed . It was hot , and I didn 't have an air conditioner in my room , so everybody wore shorts and swimming trunks , like normal , knowing it was going to be hot and we would be watching the monster movies under blankets . I had the luxury of wearing pajamas . Joe did too because he was going to stay the night . Terry and Bill were going to walk to Terry 's house later , after the movie , and once the parents there broke up their card game and then they could raid the fridge in peace . The movie wasn 't too bad , and before too long , Russ came over . Joe made to get up so he could have his usual place next to me , but Russ pushed him back down on his front next to me and then he sat with his back to the headboard like Joe usually did . I could tell something was wrong with Russ without even thinking . I think even the other guys could tell . The movie ended , and Terry and Bill left like normal . They liked staying at his place more than at mine . I knew why , my house had cement floors under the carpet , like theirs . We weren 't all going to pile onto my bed , that was gay . Two could fit , and with the small Joe , it was tight but okay . We were all getting bigger , and soon it would be weird , even if all three of us still fit . Russ wasn 't very happy , even Joe asked him what was wrong , but he seemed to get better by midnight or about . We had a pretty good time . Joe fell asleep , and Russ said he was too tired to play another game , so we stretched out and sort of powered down . It was dark and Russ was shaking me awake and whispering . He said he needed to talk about something really important . I said okay , but he wanted to be even more alone than we were with Joe pretty much snoring in bed with us . We sneaked out to the back yard and behind the garage . He sat down and got quiet , and I had to ask him several times what was up . He sat there with his face in his arms and his arms over his knees . I could tell that he was wiping his eyes and trying not to tear up or cry . It was really awkward and embarrassing . I knew it was even more for him , too . I wondered if his parents were sick , if his older sister at college in Indianapolis was okay , or what was wrong . I asked that and other stuff , trying to guess . I don 't remember exactly how it went when he finally let loose , but it was very much like this . I thought it had to be something really , really bad . We 'd done enough bad stuff together , that if he was having this kind of reaction to whatever it was , it had to be hugely bad . I asked what a few times before he said anything . I wanted to make him feel better , so I put my hand on his shoulder and he flinched away like I had hit him . That was the first time he had ever reacted like that to me touching him and I noticed it like it was an obvious red flag . His head popped up and I knew it was really , really bad . He looked scared to death and angry at the same time . He made me promise not to tell , and he would tell me . But he made me swear , and to swear not to hate him , and to swear I wouldn 't stop being his friend . I couldn 't imagine what he had done , but I agreed , meaning all of it . I didn 't care if he had killed someone , I knew he had to have a great reason , and he was my best friend . I promised all of it . I nodded , watching his face closely , seeing he was hurt and scared and worried , and probably a lot more , too . He met my eyes sometimes , but mostly didn 't . Mostly he wiped his eyes and tried not to cry even harder , or even more . I waited , hurting a lot for him . " We did it . I don 't know why or how it happened or why I let it or why he made me or anything ! But we did it and I liked it and it was fun and . . . I 'm gay ! " He meant it , it wasn 't a joke , but I kept thinking that it had to be . Russell was no fag . This new guy might be , and he might have gotten Russ to do something bad with him , but Russ was not a fag . That kept going around in my head , over and over . I knew he was waiting for me to say something . I wanted to say something , that was for sure , but I didn 't know what . One thing was true , though , and I meant it , and I thought he could use hearing it , so I said it . " You 're my best friend , Russ , and if this guy got you to do something , if you 're a , gay , or whatever , I guess it don 't matter . Okay ? We 're friends . Just don 't feel bad , okay ? " He did the weirdest thing then . We 'd done it before , for different reasons , but not for a while . And him doing it then made it seem like a whole different thing than it had ever been before . I didn 't know how many times I had to tell him . Finally I pushed him off me and made him meet my eyes . He looked like the day his uncle had been buried . He started crying again . I kept telling him that I didn 't care . I said as long as he didn 't dress up like a girl or chase guys in the shower at school , that I didn 't care . I made him laugh with some of the things I said he couldn 't do now . I asked if we could go back inside before we were sucked dry by mosquitoes . He said if we went back inside that there was a danger that he would suck me dry . I was shocked . He 'd made stupid jokes like that before , but now I knew he had meant them . He was gay . Russ was gay . Or at least , he thought he was . I didn 't notice until we got in my room , but we were holding hands . He asked if he could sleep close to me , that he promised that he wouldn 't slip his hand in my pajamas . He said he just wanted to be close to me so he wouldn 't feel alone . I said okay and he curled up next to me , almost touching me . It was a little uncomfortable , but it was just Russ , and he was scared and worried , and that new guy had him thinking he was a homo . I got very angry at that guy , and I hardly slept . I planned such retribution and revenge . I slept late the next morning . Joe and Russ were playing Nintendo and having a good time when I woke up . I was tired , and really glad that Russ wasn 't still so sad . I was still really mad at that asshole new guy . I went and got breakfast , then changed into street clothes , and joined them for a Sunday of normal good times . Until Joe went home and Russ wanted to talk . That was the most awkward and painful time in my life to that point . I wanted Russ to explain what had happened , but he said that didn 't matter , that all that did matter was that Gabriel Sheer had opened up a new part of his life for him . Russ wasn 't mad at him at all , was even glad it had happened , and said he liked Gabe , he was just scared to go back . " Why do you think you 're like him ? Maybe it just felt good ? Maybe you just liked what he did , was all . How do you know you 're gay ? " He couldn 't answer , but he thought for a long time . I asked again . I saw him come up with his answer as if it happened like a switch was flipped . He looked at me and I could tell he was close to crying again . I told him that I loved him , too , but that didn 't mean I was a turd - burglar . I said I cared about him a lot , but that didn 't mean I was a rump - ranger . I said I thought he was the best guy I knew , but that didn 't make me a cum - guzzler . He laughed at every stupid joke we 'd ever made up as I told them . I ran out of them , and he still kept laughing and crying at the same time . But he seemed to be in a better mood at least . " He . . . he gave me a blow - job . Then he , showed me how to . And we did it again . And . . . other stuff . That 's why . I did it . Sex stuff . Real sex stuff . Benny , I did it . With him . It . " I gasped , shocked . Blow - jobs were almost nothing , really . I 'd thought about what it would be like myself , to give one . Sort of . I had no idea how many times I 'd tried imagining what getting one was like . It was always a girl in my head , giving it to me , though . Almost always . They 'd really done that together ? And Russ liked it ? Russ is really a homo ? And he lost his virginity before me ? He 's not even close to as studly as I am , I thought , almost angry . He wasn 't as tall as me , not as buff , not as strong , not as good looking as me . He was soft , shortish , kind of weakly , a little extra roundness around his belly and hips , soft arms and legs , almost chubby cheeks , and mild , blue - gray eyes under weak , almost invisible brows that were lighter than his blond hair . I actually got a little mad . I always thought I was going to be the first of us laid . I was the best looking . The girls had started saying how they liked my lips and mouth , and said I had a good body and hair . I was sure that as soon as high school started , I was going to be really popular with girls . I was sure I was going to be the one in our group that dated first , got to each base first , and got laid first . " I knew a little while ago . I knew when . . . " He looked up and looked at me for a few seconds . " I knew when I knew I loved you this summer . " I knew it . He was now faced with the obvious proof that he just liked me , and that he just liked what this new guy had gotten him to do . It was his first sex , it was probably hot and sexy and fun , but it was just sex with some dude . He would start wanting girls , he wouldn 't go back to that new guy for any more sex with him , and soon he 'd be chasing girls with me and the guys . He kissed me . It was weird . His lips grabbed and moved and pulled mine . And his tongue pushed between my lips and moved all over mine . His arm went around my shoulder and he moved closer , and I got hot . Not warm , fucking hot . I got so turned on . Really , really , truly , totally , turned on . And hard . He finally stopped and moved his head back on his neck and we looked at each other . He looked worried and scared again . And I think , shy ? There was no doubt how he got Gabriel to have sex with him . One kiss and I was ready to do anything with Russ . My mind kept thinking how great it would be to keep kissing Russ and see where it went . And it kept hoping that Russ kissed me again and showed me exactly what Gabriel had done to him . But part of me knew it was faggy , and wrong , and maybe even sick . That part got washed away when he kissed me again . He moved in really slowly , and I had plenty of time to move away , or tell him to stop . It was all we said . He laughed and I saw him hide his hard - on with a hand . I swallowed . I had seen it before . We had played what I 've since learned are normal show - and - tell type of games with each other by then . All the guys , at different times . But never totally hard . And never in a real sexual situation . Not to me , I knew , right then . But to him , it probably had been sexual , each and every time . That only made me hornier . I reached out and moved my hand under his and felt him up . It felt a lot like my own , but it wasn 't as big . Touching him like that , in a way that wasn 't a goofy game , was so hot . He grinned and even laughed , then did it to me . I thought I was going to get off right then , but it somehow held off and felt so great as his hand just sat there and softly squeezed and felt out its size and scope . The weird , intense feelings racing all through me were so strong and new . And wild ! I loved them , and how I felt . I wanted even more , but my first thought was my parents . I looked at my bedroom door , which I had kept closed most of the time for the last few years . He noticed and I could tell he was thinking about the same thing . I couldn 't wait . I was so hard it tingled and jerked in my pants . I tingled and shivered inside , too . We were both panting and sweating and smiling . We were laying on our sides , facing each other . He didn 't look at me , I remember how he just looked at his hands . I was sure I wanted to , but it was so gay . Russ was gay . Russ liked me so much he said he loved me . I liked Russ , a lot , more than all my other friends . I trusted Russ . I wanted sex with Russ . Or something . It was an obvious answer , but how could I not like it ? I had no idea what we were going to do . I asked . He said he wanted to kiss me , a lot , and touch me all over . I could touch him where I wanted to . If I liked what he did , I should tell him , so he 'd know he could do that more . If I didn 't like something , I should tell him that , too , so he didn 't waste time with it . He said he wanted to put me in his mouth and show me how awesome it was . That made mine jerk in my pants in anticipation . He asked if I might want to try to on him . I nodded , and tried not to laugh . He asked if he could try fingers up my butt . I wasn 't sure about that . He said he 'd ask later , before he tried . He said I should try whenever I felt like it . He liked it , and I shouldn 't worry if I wanted to do it to him . He said he wanted me to fuck him . He said I would have to use my fingers first , and he would show me how . He asked if my folks had Vaseline or baby oil . We waited , giggling , and embarrassed . At least , I was . Very , very embarrassed . It seemed so scary and weird . I was thinking about doing sex stuff with Russ ! A guy ! Russ had already ! And said he liked it . He said he had done almost everything with the older guy almost next door , all week long . He said it had been fun , felt great , and wanted to do it with me . He said he was sure he loved me . He said he wasn 't going back to Gabriel for anything . He said he didn 't like Gabe that way . He called him Gabe . He said that Gabe was nice , and had a nice body , but he didn 't like Gabe that way . He only liked me that way . I felt as if a bus had backed into my gut . The idea that Russ was gay was just too weird , but I thought I could deal with that . But that he liked me that much was just too much to handle without nearly losing my breath . Russ loved me ? Like that ? How could I not have a huge catch happen when I heard him say that ? He said that he only did what he did with Gabe because Gabe wanted to . He told me how he had seen Gabe on his way over after dinner that first day , how Gabe had said hi , and talked to him , and being older , it was a neat feeling having an older guy being nice to him . Gabe had talked to him for a long time , and it got late , and Gabe asked him to come over in the morning . Russ went home , feeling great , and horny . Gabe had changed into short shorts , and Russ had seen stuff , got excited , and by the time he got home , barely got started and made a big mess . Russ was so embarrassed , telling me the story . It was funny , sort of . It didn 't make me dislike this Gabe any less , though . Russ said it was too embarrassing to come over that night after what he had done with Gabe , so he didn 't . And went over to Gabe 's the next morning . He knocked , and Gabe answered in tight , white underwear . Russ said he got hard right away and tried not to let it show , so that Gabe wouldn 't think he was a fag . Gabe fixed cereal , ate it , and they played his video game . Gabe got close and make jokes and talked Russ into smoking a joint . That was a real stunner . Drugs were bad , I was sure . Now I really didn 't like Gabe at all . Gabe made jokes , and Russ liked seeing him in his underwear , sitting so close . Gabe put on a porno . Gabe got hard . Gabe reached out and pulled Russ ' hand over and on top of his massive dick . Russ got so excited he almost came . Gabe asked him if he had ever had sex . Gabe asked if he liked what he felt . Gabe asked him if he could take off his pants . By noon , Gabe had sucked off Russ , and Russ had sucked off Gabe . They had rested , joked around , naked , talking , laughing . Then Gabe started up again , and slipped a finger up inside of Russ , and soon Russ was spread - eagle and Gabe was fucking him . Then they rested , Russ hard all the time , and then Gabe showed Russ how to fuck him . Russ said it was so hard to come to my place that night , even for the few minutes he did . He felt dirty , and like he was lying to me . He knew what he was now , for sure , and not just confused by feelings he had about me . He said he wished it had been with me , but it was Gabe . He said it felt like he was being mean to me . He said when he got home that night , that he wasn 't going to go see Gabe again . He wanted to talk to me , instead . The next day , he was coming to my house when Gabe came outside wearing only swimming trunks and waved him over . Russ said he felt like he had to go over there now that Gabe saw him . He went over thinking to talk to Gabe and tell him that he didn 't want to do that with him again . Instead , Gabe got him high , got him naked , and got him again . Lots of times . That was the day that Russ hadn 't come over at all . Russ went back to Gabe 's the next morning and stayed all day , getting high and having sex , then went home for dinner and a nap , than to my place at night , sometimes . He did that the rest of the week . He said it was weird , and he didn 't like it . He liked the sex , not the pot so much , and not the feeling like he was doing something wrong . So , last night , it was too much to bear , and he had to wake me up and tell me . I said I was glad he did . I asked if he felt better . He said he did and I could see that he did . He smiled like normal again . The whole time he talked , his fingers traced over my face and neck and through my hair and even my shoulder and arm . It tickled a lot , and felt really great . I started copying that on him , and it even felt great to do , too . Over an hour ago , when we first stopped kissing and started talking , close and gently touching , I had seen no way I could wait , all bound up and hard and ready to explode . But now , I felt soft inside , even though it was still mostly hard . I felt calm , even though I was raging for sex inside . I was excited , but satisfied with laying there face - to - face and just talking . At least , for right then . It was a very weird sensation , or bunch of sensations . We kept talking , and my parents said goodnight . We giggled , trying not to be heard . My room was in the corner of the house at the end of the hall , and my parents ' room was across and down the hall . We could make some noise , but not a lot . I had gotten good at making no noise when I jerked it in the shower , but I worried if he could be quiet . He had the whole house alone with Gabriel and they didn 't have to worry about noise . I asked , and he got really red , and said he could be quiet . He said we would make the bed squeak , though . We would have to use the floor . We waited for my folks to fall asleep , raided the fridge for soda and snacks , watched Johnny Carson , and waited . And waited . By midnight , I was sure they were asleep , and Russ was starting to grin at me in his strange new way . I almost asked if he was ready , but I didn 't know how to ask such a question . He scooted over next to me as we lay on the bed on our stomachs , watching television . I laughed . He scooted closer , laughing , and put his arm out , nearly over my shoulder . The tingles exploded through me when his arm did finally come to rest over me . I couldn 't stop looking at his face , and his huge grin , and wondering what we were going to do . His face came closer and I knew he was wanting to kiss . I angled my head and let him kiss me . It was suddenly like hours had passed . We were all twisted together , arms and legs , and faces . We had to breathe , but we spent as little time with our lips not touching as we could . I was not only on fire inside , I was being electrocuted , too . I had no idea that such feeling existed . Of all the new and strange things that had happened to me since puberty had started , this was the best , and made all the bad things worth it . He had this cute thing he did sometimes , sort of inside his throat . It was sort of a moan , or a squeak , or something . It was totally cute . I had never heard him make it before . I loved it . I loved that I was making him make it . We ground together like that forever . His erection would push up against mine , and mine would push up against his , and our hips would grind and move , and it was beyond great ! We panted , kissing , learning how to move our lips and tongues together . Our hands wrapped around each other would touch and tickle sometimes , but mostly held each other 's head , pressing our lips tightly together . I felt myself getting so close to cumming , and I didn 't care . It felt so great ! It was taking so long ! He made that cute squeak more often , and I groaned like a dog with a bone . We pushed ourselves into each other , thrusting and grinding , shivering , grunting . I felt his body shuddering like mad , and his breath stop , and he tightened around me like a constrictor snake about to have a meal . I wanted to warn him I was there , too , but it was so perfect that he was , and we were , together . I could actually feel his erection dance in his pants , right up next to mine ! That felt like nothing before , and simply incredible ! To have his most private part pressed so tightly to mine , both moving all on their own , against each other . They moved like living creatures as our bodies tensed and our breath stopped . His jerked in a regular way , again and again , and I knew he was filling his underwear with his stuff , and that made my dick puff up like a birthday whistle and start pumping too . After the most powerful , incredible , slowest , most intense orgasm of my life , and the first one with someone else , I started breathing again . So did he . Then we started giggling . I was sure he was happy , and I was , too , but I was confused , too . And worried . And scared . I wasn 't supposed to feel these kinds of things for a boy . I didn 't care very much if a friend did , I had found out last night when he had told me that he was gay , but it wasn 't supposed to be that way to me . It was wrong that I liked what we had done . It was wrong that I liked how it had felt . It was really wrong that I wanted to do it again , and other things , and everything that he had done with Gabriel . That was all wrong . I rolled away and sat up , and Russ knew something was wrong . He asked me what . I told him that I wasn 't gay . I told him I liked him as my friend . I told him what we just had done was wrong . I told him we were never going to do it again . I told him if he wanted to do it with Gabriel , he could , all he wanted , but I didn 't want to know about it at all . I swore I 'd never tell anyone about him and Gabriel , and I made him swear that he would never tell anyone about what we had just done . He was crying , and it was really hard to talk to him and not cry too . But he was a real trooper . I must have hurt him so much . I sort of hated doing it , hated myself for saying those things , and hated the whole situation . And I hated Gabriel . He begged me not to hate him . I swore I never would , no matter what . I said he was my best friend , and I wanted him to stay my best friend , but I didn 't like him ' that way ' , and that he had to find someone else to be ' that way ' with . He asked if he had to leave . It was way too late for that . I said no . I went into the bathroom and took clean pajamas with me . I got cleaned up , feeling sick inside . I still wanted to do stuff with him . That was so wrong . I went back into my room and he asked if he could borrow some pajama bottoms . I had a new pair and lent them to him . When he came out wearing my pajamas , for the first time , I noticed how he looked . Not like always , not if he was messy or neat , seemed happy or sad , or had my pajamas on backwards or something . For the first time I noticed his gentle features , how his almost blue but mostly gray eyes were soulful and filled with whatever emotion he was feeling , how his lips were so deeply red and shaped almost like perfect lips were in drawings or cartoons , how his ever - so - slightly - longish blond hair was mostly straight but curled just a bit at the ends , and how he moved so smoothly and gracefully . I noticed he wasn 't as slim as me , but wasn 't in any way plump , let alone fat . He had soft , rounded areas at his belly and hips , and his nipples were pink and slightly puffy . He had long legs , and the thin pajamas didn 't hide his butt , or how he dangled between his legs when the light was behind him . I felt really awkward , trying to find a place to lay down on my own bed , with him there , now . I didn 't want to do anything different and make things seem different , but now they were . Unfixably different . Forever . I heard him sniffling , and my eyes got all wet , too . He was my best friend , had been for so long , and the only best friend I 'd ever had . I didn 't want to lose him , or that . But it was all different , and I felt it all slipping away . He asked if he could ask me a favor . I could tell he was crying from his voice . I said he could ask anything . After a long pause , which made me worry what he wanted to ask , he scooted just a little closer , and asked if I would put my arm over him , like I used to when we camped out in back and it was chilly . I knew exactly what he meant . I knew exactly why he wanted me to . It wasn 't that he was cold , or that he wanted to relive times from a few months ago . But I wanted that feeling , of what we had before I knew what he was . And before I knew what he felt about me . So I rolled over , and waited while he rolled away from me , and I put my arm over his shoulder and tucked up behind him , spooning . I remembered our jokes about being fags the last few times we had kept warm like that in my sleeping bag out back in my little tent . I knew he had thought things about me even back then . I wasn 't against him nearly like I had been those times . My front didn 't touch him anywhere , and only my arm touched him at all , and that was barely resting on his arm , nothing like over and around him like before . It wasn 't anything like it had been . I felt his crying for the few minutes before he whimpered , " Okay , forget it , " and scooted away . I felt so bad . I was no friend to him . He deserved someone who could be what he wanted . Not me , who could barely touch him now . I had lost my best friend . He hadn 't done anything to deserve it . He was just who he was . I liked him , still . I was sure . I tried imagining life without him . It was a stupid exercise . There was still Bill , Terry , Joe , and the other guys at school , but , Russ was half of my life . And I knew it . And I needed that half , or I 'd be empty and miserable . But he was gay . He loved me . I kept hearing him say that , and I kept feeling that kind of bounce inside my guts when he said it . I was wiping my eyes , trying not to cry as loud as he was . I stared at his silhouette against the light coming in the window . I could see him shaking , and I could feel it in the bed , and I could hear it in his breathing . It was making me miserable . It just fucking hurt . I had to . It was the only thing to do . If I liked him at all , I had to be some kind of friend to him . I liked him , a lot . He was Russell . He was the Russmeister , even if we hadn 't used those silly nicknames in years . He was the guy I would kill to protect . I knew he would kill anyone to protect me . I knew my biggest secrets would always be safe with him , and I would never tell any of his , and certainly not these new ones . I scooted forward and tucked up against him , fully , and put my arm over and around him , and moved so that my face was tucked up behind the back of his neck . He smelled like sweat and Russ . My stomach and chest was against his warm , slightly - damp back . My lap was tucked up right against his butt . My legs were up against his . I felt his breaths and his shivering , and I felt how hard it was for him to talk , but he forced himself to . " Man , Russ , I only care that you 're my best friend , and I don 't think I 'd like it if you wasn 't . So don 't worry . If it gets weird , I 'll deal with it . Like this . I know you , liked it that way , now , when we did it in the tent . I didn 't then . Didn 't even think about that kind of stuff . But , it 'll be okay . " I felt us both relaxing now . His breathing was slowing and normal , now that he wasn 't crying any longer . His fingers tickled the hairs on my forearm that rested over his chest . When we had curled up like that in my sleeping bag , I had kept my right arm behind him , between us , bent upward , often with that hand under my head . Now I wanted that arm around him too . I began wriggling it between him and the bed and he raised upward so that it was easier , then captured that hand and held onto it . No one had ever kissed the palm of my hand before , but I knew that was what he was doing . It tickled insanely and made me laugh . I started getting even by blowing over the short hairs at the back of his neck . He snickered , and that felt nice against my body and in my arms . I started thinking about what we had done , and how I had felt about it while it happened , and how I felt about it now . It had felt great , easily the best thing I had ever felt . I wondered just how much better it was for real . It had to be even better , on purpose , naked , with mouths and hands . I started getting hard . It was going to end up pushing against his butt , and we were wearing thin , summer pajamas . I wondered what he would think when he noticed . I wasn 't willing to back away from him . He needed someone to hold him , I just knew that instinctively , and I liked how it felt to hold him . " Does it make you , worry ? Or uncomfortable ? I don 't mean it to mean anything , I was just . . . " I giggled , " thinking about what we did . And , how it was , really pretty nice . Is all . It don 't mean anything . If you don 't mind it , I 'd rather keep holding you , Russ . I . . . I really like it , now . " I scooted up to him , tightly , and wrapped my arms around him . I found his hands with one of mine , held onto it , and wiggled up against him . My boner slipped between his cheeks and was sort of out of the way there . My other hand found his shoulder , and it was nice to hold onto , making my hug of him tight and cozy . It was hot in my room , and we were going to end up sweaty and stuck together . I didn 't give a fuck . I wasn 't going to let anything change . Especially not between Russ and me . Not in a bad way . If Russ had changed , then I 'd change , too . But I didn 't think I could be gay . Not even to stay friends with Russ . But I realized that Russ hadn 't changed , just that what I knew about him had . He might have changed into being gay , but that had already happened . What changed tonight was that he had told me . Now I knew . He didn 't say anything . He rolled over in my arms and faced me . It was sort of awkward . It was too dark to see his face clearly . " You can really be okay that I like you ? A lot ? Even . . . be cool that I 'm , sure I 'm . . . that I 'm in love with you ? " " Dude , Russ , what if I 'm cool with it ? What if I think I , might , want to , find out how much I 'm willing to do ? With you ? " " I 'm saying , what happened was . . . cool . It felt . . . great ! I . . . I 'd like to try out some other stuff . I 'm saying , if it 's good enough for my best friend , then it 's good enough for me to try out . Especially with him . You . " He giggled again . His hand searched for mine , found it , and held it to his lips . We snuggled tightly together , face to face . I could tell he was crying again . I had never seen him cry so often . It really bothered me . That it bothered me so much , convinced me that I was more like him than I was different . " I don 't have a fucking clue . I know you 're my best friend , ever , and I care more for you than anybody else . I know that . I don 't know anything else . Do I have to ? " It was every boy 's dream ! We 'd all joked about finding a girl who would have sex without having to be in , gulp , love . Sex without the girl saying she loved you , and all the entanglements . What could be better ? I wondered , and I thought , and I noticed that his face was close to mine . I could tell he was going to kiss me , or wanted to . I wished I could see his face so I could tell what he was thinking and feeling . I wondered if I wanted to kiss him again . He was my best friend . He was Russell . We had , before , and it had been awesome ! But it had been a surprise . But it had felt really awesome ! I wondered what it would feel like now , knowing it was coming , knowing all I knew now . Knowing it was Russ . Knowing all of that . I stretched out and felt his lips on mine again . It was so nice ! My heart raced faster , my skin went all electric , my guts twisted and tightened , and it was so great again ! And our arms went around each other , and we pulled ourselves tightly to one another , kissing and hugging and wriggling . I didn 't care if he was gay . I didn 't know if I was or not . I didn 't care if I was or not . I only cared that I cared about Russ , and I loved how he made me feel , and I loved knowing I made him feel something like how he made me feel . This is really how it went . Ray did a really great job of making it a real story . He added little details and conversation and things and made it way better than the simple truth and way better than I could have in years trying . Russ was my best friend when a new guy moved in on our block the summer before high school . Russ ended up messing around with Gabriel and figuring out he was gay . Russ was acting weird for a week at least and one night when he spent the night , he told me what he did with Gabriel . He said he was gay and that made him a bad person . It was just like Ray wrote it . I even remembered little things as I told Ray about that night . I reacted the way you read . I wasn 't upset or freaked out . I was just sad and worried about Russ . He was hurt and that had to stop happening . I hated Gabriel for making Russ hurt . I was a kid and that was the way things fell together in my head . Gabriel was some kind of monster who had hurt my best friend and now my best friend was hurting and thinking he was now something different or a bad person . I was so angry with that new guy ! I did take Russ back to my room and wanted him to stay the rest of the night . Joe had no idea the next day . The next night we did dry - hump to a finish at the same time . I felt him cumming and that made me . The rest of the night was a lot like Ray 's story . I got scared and confused and worried and upset . What if my parents had heard ? What if they found out ? At times I wondered if I was going to lose my best friend . Other times I could barely stand thinking about what we had done to each other . Then I 'd think how it was so much fun . Then I 'd think how wrong it was . But he asked me to put my arm on him like in the tent in my sleeping bag . I didn 't understand why , but I was willing so he 'd stop crying and maybe feel better . It took no time for me to feel better about doing that and figure out why he had liked it in the tent earlier in the year . We started really talking , then we cuddled up and started kissing . We dry - humped in pajamas this time . His dick jumping in those pajamas against mine through my pajamas finished me off . We felt the sticky wetness soaking through the pajamas and didn 't care and let it . We were stuck together the next morning . But that was my second time and isn 't part of this story . I just wanted you to know we did it again that night . We kept doing it off and on for our first two years in high school . I dated a couple of girls . I wasn 't totally gay . Still am not . I prefer women , but the right guy can turn me on . BTW , Joe turned out to be the big surprise . Turned out he was doing stuff with Gabriel the whole time Gabriel went to our high school . That was two years , then Gabriel went to college and I hardly ever saw him again . Little , quiet , shy Joe was gay , and neither me or Russ guessed or even thought about it until we asked why he was gone all day the first day Gabriel was home from college . Russ and Joe helped each other out a lot after that but I never got into that with them . I liked Russ so much and he was more than enough and by then I was into girls and was popular and going out on dates all the time . I liked Joe too but not that way at all . Sometimes I was in the way and that hurt and bothered me . But I had girls and sports and was sort of popular so I had stuff to do while they got together and made each other really happy for the last two years of high school . So there 's the whole story and the real story . The two years spent doing things with Russ were part of the best years of my entire life and I 'm glad every day that they happened . I 'm glad Gabriel seduced every boy in the neighborhood and especially Russ . Maybe I wish Russ had the time to seduce me without Gabriel tricking him first , but that probably never would have happened . Most of all I 'm just glad I was friends with Russ and got to know him that way . I 'm very glad that I was friends with him and Joe and Bill and Terry . I 've never had friends like them again and I know I never will . |
i 'm with people i don 't like . we are outside in the snow . i 'm happy about the snow . we enter a crowded little food place where there is only one bar - like seating area of about 5 chairs . like the little noodle stands in japan or whatever . for some goddamn reason i say " fuck you bitch " under my breath to the old asian woman serving us . someone i 'm with laughs . the asian woman begins telling a story about kristen from when she used to work there . she talks about her duties and how they required of her to go outside into the snow and then return inside and the whole time she says all of this i can see the images of outside very clearly , the snow in the dark , and the orange lighting and warmth inside . i imagine this was helpful to kristen 's well - being . i 'm very touched by the story . i 'm in the brentwood ave . house and preparing to leave . perhaps it 's one of those " fuck you " leaves i do . i gather all of my things satisfactorily and walk out into the street . it 's dark , quiet , amber streetlights , the asphalt is wet but it 's not raining . i 'm happy . i walk out onto the street and attempt to put in my address to get home . i put it in and i can 't find the option for " walk " and i 'm distressed . i think they must have gotten rid of it because they figured no one walks anymore . my phone is at like 20 % too , and i know i have a long way to go . i don 't let it bother me and think i will draw out the map on some paper . the path that the phone shows me looks odd and like it goes in squary circles . i am a car in the road trying to do all of this . there is a car behind me . as a half - car person i simply get out of the way and stop on the sidewalk . i imagine the person in it admires me because i feel like i just did a sick move . the ground is wet and i 'm just so happy it 's been raining . dave is in my ear . he tells me stella won 't be continuing . he says he 's so sad . i say what ? because i think we knew that long ago , and he doesn 't even like stella , but then he says it was one of his reasons to live . i am very puzzled and wake up . i smoked weed before a walk in the woods , always fully unprepared for panic that it can cause . it does , and i get scared of everything , scared to even look left or right . i decide to start running . at a curving downhill i start skipping , and sometimes i can feel myself flying through the air . i 'm haunted by thoughts of a recent visit from " friends " and recalling my behavior results in immediate reactions of " holy fuck you crazy retard " and i keep getting scared of being murdered or possessed , and i keep running a little here and there , keep having athletic fun and doing running moves and pulling out my knife and swinging my camera around by its ropey handle . the woods have many deer and the first sighting is two running across the path . they stop not far away and look over their shoulders at me . i walk by meekly with my head down , lowly saying " herro : ) " and waving and making bassy and what i imagine to be motherly " mmm " noises continuing to hurry up and get out of their space . the next deer stands halfway into the path and watches me approach . i lessen my speed , becoming meek , trying to give it time and space to do what it thinks is best . it runs off and i lose sight of it . i continue on , continue cycling through these thoughts and actions . i come across a bug on the path that seems to be either fornicating or having trouble flying . i squat down and see a moth with half its left wing missing . i go " aww " and feel sad . my attention is then drawn to a worm who looks very dry and sandy but is inching along in a steady determined fashion over some tree roots . i think maybe he 's trying to get to the water and pick him up . he doesn 't seem to have the life in him to struggle against me , and i jump down to the little creek and put him in the mud . he seems to move all around in it , and i wonder if what he 's feeling is relief . i imagine the worm and its current experience to be no more than a function of some unseen or otherwise undetected thing outside of the itself , and it 's sad , and separately i imagine the unseen thingpost comment June 8th 2016 6 : 50Rachel and I were riding a big bus . On the outside . Weeee . White girl who acted black . Rachel and I were in a museum . Lookin ' at shit . As we entered a room a woman was there on an exercise machine saying she could always sense the presence of others . She didn 't seem to notice us so I purposely made some noise so she wouldn 't be embarrassed at not having sensed us . A cool black pillar with lightning stuff inside . I was looking at pipes and pipe bags . Bag pipes ! Just kidding . We walked through a door that went to a stairwell like in an apartment high rise building , but instead of stairs there was just a floor and a curtain of some kind . Rachel went for the curtain and I said in a creepy joke voice not to defile herself . I don 't know what I meant . Behind the curtain there was nothing , so she turned around . Simple rectangle room we were in . On opposite wall there were ledges leading all the way up and she was climbing them really fast . I tried to follow but my fingers kept slipping when I would grab a ledge . It sucked . I even touched my greasy face at one point to make my fingers greasier . There she was at the top and I kept trying and failing . The ledges were no longer , like , window - sill type things . They were objects . A pink wooden heart I kept trying to grab , that at one point I had wanted ? The heart came off and I thought sheesh it 's a good thing this didn 't happen while Rachel was climbing . I looked up and said HEY RACHEL ! And showed her the light pink painted wooden heart . I made preparatory throw motions and she was nervous . Up I threw it , and it went into a little booth not far from her where a woman was receiving people from a line . It broke a light fixture our something . Within Rachel and I was a RUN ! reaction . I don 't know how we managed to get back together again but we exited the building and were so sure we were gonna get caught . Act cool ! I said , and walked at a leisurely pace and laughed and made fake conversation . We were in the parking lot looking for my car , certain we would get cpost comment On a green lawn in front of a large university - like building . On a hump of dirt and grass stuck to a wooden platform suspended from I guess a tree . It rocks back and forth , and it 's peaceful to lie there in the sun stretched on your back . A girl is telling me about something that happened with a girl / woman , and how she wanted to like her , but bad things happened . I see the show playing out before me , and I am inclined to agree with the girl telling me about it . The woman is apparently insane . Later I 'm in a house of Chads and Stacies and they 're playing a joke on everyone where they walk up to them , show them a picture of someone that resembles them , explain they 're missing , and then reveal the pictured person I think naked or otherwise dishonored . It seems like they 're all friends , so they 're all having a good laugh when they get tricked . But they invite a girl over , who isn 't a Stacy or friends with them . She comes through the door in a " So what 's this all about ? " nervous and afraid fashion and won 't sit down . She is young and cute , and has a nametag on her blue school uniform . I don 't remember what it said , but it was a non - name . . . and indicated dreaminess / naivete . I was immediately drawn to , interested in , and protective of her . I believe the name had an L and two I 's in it . I know what 's about to happen ( as if I traveled back in time for a do - over ) and that it 's going to be very upsetting to her , and that the girl on the grass platform earlier was misleading me about this event . She sits down but is still uncomfortable . One of the Chads starts going through the trick , showing her the " missing " girl which resembles her . The girl looks young , but is missing teeth and has very short hair , that looks to be growing back after baldness . She looks like a homeless druggie . The girl is following along with hesitancy . Finally the time comes for him to do the trick , and I quickly say " That 's it . We 're looking for this girl " and she seems a little relieved and says " Okay . It 's nice you guys are worried but I think you 're getpost comment I 'm outside in winter . It 's snowing . I 'm playing a video game , but also am actually the character I 'm controlling . It 's called Rosa Parks shooter or something , lol . She has a memorial in the city where it 's taking place . I am figuring out the controls and I manage to shoot a few people on a very high wall , from a sort of parking lot down below . Suddenly my POV is shifted high up and to the left , to the flat square roof of a building next door , and a woman is speaking . She says something like : Everything starts here , and we are shown the roof by way of zooming out . There 's an intricate engraving that fills the whole surface , of a grail filled with dark red blood and a demon embracing it on one half . The other half shows the same demon , but dead or shrunken , somehow degraded , and depressed instead of popping out . It may sound strange , the woman says , but when we harm you , we drink from you . She 's rambling on like this , saying terrible things , sounding very seductively pleased and evil . I 'm staring at an old greasy rough work glove as she says these things . Staring at each fiber . Finally I 've had enough , and think loudly and clearly to myself " I don 't like such sadism " and I find it 's source : a little contraption with flat metal things sticking out which curl at the end . It 's some strange doll . I attempt to destroy it . I stomp on it and pull it apart and do everything I can , but it only seems to delight , or come back stronger and attack me . At one point I 'm stomping on it and it seems dead and I walk away . It starts floating and comes at me full speed and " bites " my shoulder with more aggression than before . Also at some point I realize I shouldn 't have shot those people , that they 're really dead , and that that may have caused all of this . I was on a large ship with many people . It was going around in the ocean . Huge nets formed into half circles situated on top of poles rose and fell slowly from the ocean , to catch live things . I didn 't like it and wished the nets would fail . I watched them rise and fall mechanically , a set up meant to do all the work while people were away . We passed more and more , and as we went on , the nets looked more ragged , with holes . I imagined sabotaging the rest . The ship made its way up frozen waterfalls . I was right at the bow of the ship , feeling the cold from the ice , excited . It was beautiful . At some moments I almost felt I would fall backwards . I looked back at one point to see many people , but quickly looked away , wanting to see everything ahead . We made it to flat ground on top . I got off the ship , running around . There was a giant wall with maze carvings on it , creating square - like lines . Some of the people in charge of the ship said that " new carvings had been made " since their last visit . Among the little indented maze lines were little grubs , and it was evident they made the lines . I was interested in this , but more interested in exploring the area we had arrived in . I ran all around , excited , checking out pools of water . I stepped into one , and saw that it was shallow , and that the entire bottom was filled with spines sticking upwards . I pulled my feet out , which were now full of the spines . I sat on a nearby rock and forced myself not to panic and started pulling them out one by one . I was surprised at the lack of blood . One was very large , and my skin under it was up like a tent , and I calmed myself . One of the ship captain people came over , and I asked him to pull it out for me . He did , but only the end half came out . I pulled the other half out , feeling how deep it was in my foot , continually surprised at the lack of blood and pain . I began to feel very tough and proud of myself , and sat there picking them all out until it was only little spines left that I could not get a hold of . I was wearing a large redpost comment i dreamed i went to a woman 's little hut house . phil waited for me at a bar with some items including i think a camera . she had a dog or a cat . she was old and fat . i got what i came for . she mentioned she would like it if phil stayed there sometimes . i thought this was good news as a memory came to me of him approaching me with snow in his hair , crying , saying he couldn 't live in the cold . then an image of a plane crossing the US , though i don 't know which way . the woman undressed . laid on her back on her bed ( which took up most of her house ) and spoke to me . now she was on all fours . i nervously told her she had very smooth skin and looked beautiful for her age , but was inwardly repulsed . she DID have smooth skin , but she was fat , and her knees stuck out as doorknobs . she quit . i looked down at my legs to see little worms coming out of them . little white opaque worms , wriggling their ways out of my pores . i freaked out and began to pull them out one by one . they became larger , more numerous , and some were the color of old blood snot , my distress at its limit , my fear of this woman at its limit . i felt i knew what was happening , and thought " the bedding " and then " the dog ? " i guess i didn 't really know . i am in this cold town at night , seeking phil . i 'm wearing a backpack with my longboard attached . everything 's quiet and closed . i remember him telling me to meet him at the health food store , so i seek it . a girl with short black hair sitting on a railing outside of another closed establishment says hello to me . i 'm wary of her , ready to be made fun of . she tells me i 'm not from around here , wants to know where i 'm from . says something about her dad or my dad . she seems friendly and curious , and i 'm relieved . i finally tell her i 've arrived only two days ago and i 'm looking for the health food store , which i think is somewhere around here . she points behind me and i go . i arrive at a party . immediately i 'm uncomfortable , but i see many little children playing , and feel a little better . it 's dark in here , and the tiles post comment I dreamed I was with red hair john and Cecilia and we got into an elevator . One we tried to get into previously was warned against by a nice blackish cleaning lady , the floor in the elevator crumbling concrete . We heeded and sought the next one out of three but they were all like that . We got into one . Falling apart and low claustrophobic ceiling . One large square white - yellow light up button only that said 64 and Cecilia , in a happy mood , immediately pressed it to my great distress . Up we went . The walls in the elevator were more of a cage and as we rose with my great anxiety I could see old flat bloody pad shaped cloths stuck to the walls beyond the cage , so afraid , knowing somewhere that I always dream of elevators and it 's always scary . I had said Cecilia no ! But there was not one other button to be pressed , and pressing 64 did nothing . John was older , taller , and more mature in this dream . The door was gone somehow , and we could see the floors as we slowly rose , 40something and on . . . so slow that john got out of the elevator as a solution and I yelled no ! And he quickly came back on . I saw dismembered bodies on the floor , dark hallways beyond , my fear at its limit . I said something like " silent hill isn 't even this scary . " I think I said it at the sight of bloody pads though , which , by the way , were somehow obviously stained with wound blood and not period blood . We get to the top and get out . Pure terror and horror , dead bodies everywhere that died in different ways . We are in almost another world , where very bad things happened . Squished heads , stuff like that . Can 't actually remember a lot about what happens there except that we manage to get away and back down . I dreamed Pera was in a house with me and b and I was trying to get this stray kitten so I could get it fixed and Pera was playing some final fantasy game sitting on the floor against the high bed . I said hi to him as an afterthought and he moodily said hi back . My grandpa was by the front door at Jami ct , inside . In a chair . He asked me to come there and he cut , styled , and dyed my hair to make it look like it was from the 80s . I was horrified but slightly happy about a change . I curled up on the floor . I was cute . Pera 's mom looked like an older butchier Jessica fletcher and she was sitting up in a bed talking in accents . I told her she should be an actress and she said she was and I said good . Pera asked me what I would do if I had a double chin and I smiled in a certain way that caused one and said look I already do . And I want to die . And walked away . In the next room Pera 's mom touched a man 's hairy belly and everyone said " come on now ! " to her like they all knew her and what she was doing . Apparently she wanted to be a man very badly and was expressing jealousy and angry unhappiness . I went into the cat room at Linda 's where I had been keeping the kitten . I approached it sitting at a window but I couldn 't see its facial expression or body language . I went up to it and it said " I 'm a killer " and bit my hand as hard as it could . I was like goddamn it I wish I could have seen its body language . Luckily it was just a kitten and it didn 't hurt . I went back into the room where Pera was on the floor leaning against the bed which I was on and relayed this story to Dave animatedly but as I did I kept having shocks of déjà Vu related to Pera . " I 'm a killer " ( soundtrack . ? ) and the hand being bitten or grabbed harmlessly . I keep feeling my hair . I go to my grandpa again and he shows me some underwear in a magazine . It 's pervy and I go away from him . I go to Dave and he 's asleep with te kitten and witties . I end up going down a wide dirt path with Pera and others and we approach a little building where there are somepost comment Kevin Cook was helping me organize shit in an attic . All my shirts folded in a precarious pile which he was proud of and all his DVDs there confusing me with mine . I hated him . He left . I was going through places in an old house and it was dark and scary . I made it to the attic again , and went in , complete . There was a note that said to do it again but this time pay attention to the mirrors . I was pretty scared . I had some people with me . One was someone who quite resembled Mel Gibson . We were super in love and we made out intensely , me on top of him holding his head , and him on top of me . I was 100 % in horny heaven , making out intensely . I went on my back and put my arms above my head , my relaxed open palms to the ceiling . He was like NO don 't expose your palms like that and I was slightly annoyed . He had some heavy stuff on his mind but we couldn 't help being in love . Our actions lead to a child being born . It was a good child , I think . Then we had another , and it was birthed from the bottom drawer of a filing cabinet . When we opened it and he saw it he started screaming saying it wasn 't real and was an advertisement baby . I was very intrigued by this idea and wanted to ask more but he ran away like an actual homosexual screaming . I was concerned for him . A girl killed me on purpose . Was I the baby ? I was wandering through the house again , I suppose dead . Scared but morbidly excited . A slide in a pitch black park but a glow caused me to see it . It was scary . I passed these places over and over , and the music was like Silent Hill in Toluca Prison , and the slide was now closed . As in , the bottom of it had folded in on itself , so anyone who went down it would get stuck there . I was alive again . I relived my death and events prior . I was in the kitchen on Tenino St . and saw a wooden goblet , the mouth sliced at a fancy angle . I thought " I don 't remember this . " I found Mel , and told him about my death , and how someone wanted me dead , and I found her notes . I saw a vision of the inside of a kind of green artery way , apost comment I was walking along a raised dirt path in a desert in a neon yellow shirt which was tattered at the ends . An older thin black woman with short hair and bright normal clothing was passing me with two cokes in her hand , in longer than usual cans , and looking straight ahead in a stern manner . I was thinking " Man , she 's like an alien to me ! I would never be able to understand her " or something , much like something that might happen in real life , having thoughts about passing strangers . Then suddenly I was prevented from walking forward ; her nail got caught on my shirt . I turned around and apologized , and she kept backing up and I kept advancing , to release the tension so we could untangle ourselves . This went on for a little . She was very shy and sweet , and I thought about how wrong I was before about her being someone I could have no affinity with . She came undone , her nails painted the same neon yellow as my shirt . We made kind apologetic remarks and parted . I was driving my RV through traffic and a girl ran up to the passenger door . The plan had been to scoop her up and keep going , but she was just kind of standing there and I was yelling at the other people to get her in . I was at a red left turn light that turned green when the door was open and she was slowly coming in . I think it was made more difficult by my inching along , and the light was yellow while I was still in the middle of the intersection , but she got in . She was young and attractive and in shorts and as someone was picking her up I saw her exposed legs sort of in the air at an angle . I don 't know who she was , but she was a nice ( and awkward ) person and someone I cared very much about , like a family member . I was driving the RV all around , and I was even driving riskily as if I were running away from someone . I had to hit the brakes hard a lot , and swerve around so as not to hit things . I have a memory of at one point accelerating and going through the gears ( it 's a manual transmission ) with great satisfaction . But after all my swerving and hard brakpost comment I dreamed I was in a car with Phil . Maybe my camry . I was in the backseat . The ocean was getting into the car and waves kept coming and I was freaking out . The two people in the car including Phil were like whatever . A big wave in the distance headed our way scared me , but it crashed before us , and only a small aftershock guy came right to the bottom of the window . It was scary man . We drove out of there and parked in front of Becky 's house in tehachapi . I had two guitars and a backpack I had to get together . I was mAd at Phil and this person and we had to separate . I got out of the car and wandered tehachapi with my guitars awkwardly on my back . I went into a gaming store , but I was looking for thrift stores . This fat guy who worked there and I were talking about anime and he was watching this animation on tv about a guy in chains on a tall platform in the desert continuously shaking them and yelling and groaning . We talked about mamoru oshii and angels egg and stuff . I left my backpack there and I guess morning came . I went into a place and an old lady gave me a map upon request . I told er I was looking for thrift stores and I saw they were marked on the map . 6ish red dots . I even saw Phil 's moms house which was huge and yellow and by slash in a church . I wandered around but ended up back in the video game place . I got my stuff and went to rob the mechanics . I saw him through a crack in the door and he wasn 't wearing pants . This was cula 's old house on blushing maple and he was where the laundry room was basically . I stood by the staircase waiting for him to dress . I went into the bathroom and closed it behind me though rob wanted to come in . Jacob came in and I was happy to see him . He had a brilliant smile , and was talking about how he forgets things and I said I do too . Me on the toilet and him in front of the mirror . I left the house and by the front door was a huge dead raccoon . This was upsetting . I went outside . You know what fuck this dream . Anabel and Xakk . . . . I interrupted Xakk . . . . Lady feeding her capost comment I 'm in a house of people . I don 't belong . Anabel , I think , is laughing and calling me dumb . I am on the extreme defense . There was some checker game … played at a previous time , that you had to register for . She was saying I registered each color separately , and laughing at how dumb that was . I was with a fat guy with long black hair and turned to him and asked him if he did that , thinking he didn 't , wondering if I was getting lumped in with him somehow ? He said he did . I continued to be laughed at , and I was raging internally . I slowly and quietly and gingerly grabbed all of my things and left . Hearing imaginary echoes of her saying " You always do this . " I go outside . It 's night . Peggy and a boy are there . A scuzzy little street boy , but he 's nice . I ask if I can tag along with them . They say yes . I 'm relieved , but also don 't trust them . I guess I felt the need to attach myself to a group of people . I said I needed to go and get my RV , and that I wasn 't sure where I had parked it . I wrote my number on a white piece of printer paper belonging to the boy which had many more numbers and things on it , scattered around . I didn 't like how it looked , and fit mine in sloppily . I went off to look for my RV , and went through the same city alleyways twice . I was disappointed at being unable to find it on either try , and knew I would have to search in a completely different direction . It 's night time in the dirty city . I keep searching . I end up crossing an underground bridge , very high up , above maybe a sewer , and it 's very dark . Each step has varying lengths of nothing in between and it 's scary . Music about my dad ? plays with each step . Suddenly bodiless , I end up a wooden roller coaster track . I 'm traveling upwards , underground , this whole time . When I hit the bottom of a little hill , directly before me is a large incline . And at this moment , everything changes . The texture and color of everything becomes a kind of yellow - orange TV fuzz , but I can still see the tracks . I 'm very afraid , but kpost comment swimming in a pool at the 11 foot deep end . i was sinking myself to the bottom with tess . i was unable to get a full force push with my legs from the bottom , causing a slower rise up , and a slight panic of not being able to breathe . it was because tess was too close to me . this pool was so like a certain pool i dream of and have been dreaming of for years . I stole a protective mask for welding and something else . Drove right off , proud of myself . I got a call from Tedeschi , where I stole the stuff , and I was scared . David called me . David , you know , from the plant nursery . I was pleased , very pleased . And we spoke . Suddenly he was sitting next to me on a couch and showed me a picture on his phone . It was a gross erect penis , supposed to be his . Ew . I was so grossed out . There was even what looked like a splat of dark POOP on his thigh . I covered my mouth in an ew gross way and made grossed out gaspy noises . I was very displeased with him now . I left . Dark parking lot . At night . Moving items . Moving self . Vehicles . I 'm in the back of a vehicle and Anabel is there underneath blankets flat on her back . She 's saying she doesn 't know how much more she can take , and I open the car door . I can 't do it well because there is so much stuff stacked against it outside . I carefully climb over , leaving Anabel in order to perhaps get something that will help her . Suddenly we 're in a desertscape , and there are bookshelves . They shouldn 't be outside ; they could get damaged . Oh well . Anime books . Whoa . Really exciting . A Lain one ! I 'm flipping through it in wonderment . We were going to get in trouble , I think , Anabel and I . Then a boy 's voice , asking / b / for help . Hi / b / , he said . Can you help me ? Am I myself ? And he gave a short description of what he was like and things he did . One of the things he said was " I like anime and do everything at school from ( something ) to Chobits ' boobs . " lol . He seemed to be worried that he wasn 't being genuine with the people at school , due to comparing that to his family life or something . I thought that he seemed very much like himself and didn 't have anything to worry about . . . and imagined all the / b / tards being like " U SUK LOL UR NOT URSELF " in varying ways , from that verbatim to some kind of " I 'm so smart " detailed explanation of why he was hopeless and should feel bad , and I very much wanted to post in support of him . I dreamed of a very hurt white cat sitting under a car . Skinned pink and red in places and missing claws . Then a very tall man very much like a cat . He walked over to the middle of a field and perched himself there with dignity . It was a bit frightening , like he was secretly evil and would pounce at any moment . Though there was an inherent goodness coming from him . I watched for a while , fearing he would hurt something I loved . Suddenly he got up and quickly made his way to a little rocky alcove thingy , near water and mud . I got up , alarmed , and chased after him to make sure he wouldn 't do anything bad . All he did was walk under the rocks and look at the mud there , the water . It was cool in here , dark . He was pointing to the stuff and talking about it . It was anticlimactic but I was grateful . Suddenly a cannon was shooting heavy plastic beach balls at us . It was pretty hilarious , but he was old and accidentally fell into some water which took him under and pulled him into the sea . The field was now the sea . I jumped in and swam after him . We were trying to climb onto this giant ship thing with a flat top . He was barely making it . I tried helping him as best as I could . Once he was safe , I was going to have a word with the cannon people . Instead we all got washed up onto shore . A war . I was going to have to fight . I was very scared . Everyone was dying , and I didn 't want to fight . I picked up a stick , discarded it , then another . Looking for a good stick . Scared . Sailor Saturn protected me at one point and I knew I was a main character , so perhaps I would not get killed . Three little guys on a bookshelf , my friends , in danger of death . The big evil woman in red dress comes to kill them with 3 little dark brown boxes , but before she makes it over I hurriedly drop them out the window , hoping they 'll be alright , planning to go to them later . Her skin is just like Anabel 's . She is angry because she wants to kill them and cannot find them , but to distract her I tell her that her skin is pretty , and she goes back to directinpost comment I dreamed of a family . A beautiful blonde family of teenaged children and parents . The teenagers were intelligent and laidback . The girl did not look pregnant , but fell into a swirling pool of mud in front of her house and gave an intense birth . The brother was naked and assisting . I was standing there , noticing how beautiful the girl was . The mother ran out , pantsless , a thin stream of cloudy dark red period blood running down her leg . She took the child and the 3 of us were to shower . The boy had an erection . I was disgusted , but felt highly inferior to these people and kept my mouth shut . We showered . At some point I became aware of my presence being bothersome to the household , and tried to talk to a second brother about it . He was in a small library room at his desk doing work , looking sophisticated . We spoke frankly , but I franker than him , and left a bit confused . Even though the answer was not Please get out of here , I felt an inkling that couldn 't be addressed , so I began to pack my things . I went home to Livermore with just my dad . I went into my room and saw that it had been turned into a laundry / ironing room . I set my things down and sat on the floor , feeling sad and crowded by all of these large - feeling piles of folded laundry and blankets . It was like they were towering over me . I suddenly thought I would rearrange everything . Even began to get excited about the task . I had barely begun when I went over to the guest room for something . I found that my cousin had left a lot of her Sailor Moon stuff there and the closet , and I was amazingly excited . I saw a weird gross picture of Michiru and Haruka fat and sexual . I went back to my room and out on the roof . The kittens followed and I was distressed . I looked across the street and into a window that showed an empty room . I think some sort of family get - together was about to commence , and I wanted to get as far away as I could . I took the cats and ended up on another rooftop somewhere . There was an old woman there , like Marira from Akage no Anne . We put Ppost comment I dreamed I was on a trip to some Asian country with many people . I was in a big house . Everyone left for the day and I was lagging . Tons of freshly used toothbrushes in the sink and on the counter , and I was expected to just pick one . I was grossed out and went to my bag to get my purple toothbrush . There was one woman left asking me to eat some eggs before I brushed my teeth . I told her no and began brushing . I got my wallet and my passport because I thought I would need them . I left the house . At one point I came across Kevin Cook who was despondently leaning against a little tree in a little mound of greenery that was surrounded by concrete . I approached him not bothering to speak , assuming I wasn 't someone he was at all interested in seeing or speaking with . There were two large pieces of cardboard in the plants there next to him that had been rained on and were dried and wrinkled and misshapen that said Love and Please respectively in black sharpie . They were like signs one would fly . I gathered them and put them into a pile and started organizing the contents of my bag , keeping a vigilant eye for people of the culture around me I did not know . Soon enough people were gathering and looking at all of the pretty items I had collected and making a fuss , wanting to buy them . I didn 't know what to say because these were just my silly treasures . There were two items I didn 't recognize , put there by a staff member from DA ( the lady I sarcastically proposed to ) . She made them from pieces of a sewing machine . They opened up and had soft velvety material inside . I thought they were neat . I ended up in a house , like the house I visited in Brooklyn . I was in a room , and there were tall red roses crowded by the window . They seemed almost fake , but upon further inspection were just very firm . I thought I would water them , I would clean up this whole place . I opened the window which lead out to a weird extra little room suspended in the air . Waffle walked out onto it and I was extremely nervous . She ended up falling througpost comment I dreamed I was with my kitten at a restaurant and wanted to feed her . At a table against a wall to the right . White tablecloths , man at his own table in front of me . Three plates of salmon . Small plates with nice big heaps . I told the nice Hispanic waitress that I would also like salmon . She got a sorry look and I assumed she would tell me that they were out , or that I needed to order side dishes . But the cook currently on shift was not " certified " , didn 't have the right papers to cook fish . She walked over to the old man 's table to maybe ask him for one of his salmons , but he greedily pulled them all towards himself . Oh well . I thanked her anyway and got up and left . I went outside and it was like Santa Cruz . I met a girl . She was pretty , she was something more than looks . But she had tattoos on her fingers and wanted to fit in . My only hope is that she could grow out of it , and too bad the tattoos are permanent . She was lying on top of this weird thing that I can 't fucking describe , and needed help down . I went up with her to help , and people began to yell for us to get down . I helped her up and jumped down . I landed like a fucking dancer , erect and chest out , fluttery . How funny . She slammed down behind me . She was kind of a big girl with tanned skin , kind of like that girl on the farm in Washington , and with blonde hair . We were walking around . She found a boy , perfect for her . Perfectly doing his best to " be cool " and was homeless and drunk . Skinny , kind of like James who came to visit in Alexandria and pulled the cords out of the beepy speakers at Harris Teeter , HAHA JAMES WAS A HERO . Anyway , like that . " I 'm a street kid , I 'm so cool , this is my group of friends , you can 't play . " The kid was climbing into a hole , and she happily followed . I was only watching . They climbed out and up a tree , and he was so drunk I was a little disgusted . Just so out of it . He fell out of the tree and into the hole and it was a tense moment , but he caught himself with his arms from behind , like imagine how someone looks when thpost comment i dreamed i was in kris 's house . i bought a record that was a soundtrack to an anime . the front of the record was like a big sticker and i stuck it right on his wall . it had a white background and some greenery and a bunch of colorful characters . i put the record on and sat on the couch . i saw that the big sticker wasn 't quite straight and got up to adjust it . it was near two other anime posters , one being my chi wall scroll . i wondered if i had put those there too . kris was in the kitchen maybe cooking . there were about 13 different remotes sitting on the coffee table , and i told him maybe he should get rid of some . he said good idea and started sorting . i helped a bit . one of the remotes had the brand of the thing it went to which was an old cd player , so i set it next to it . he was very busy with his task , and his mind seemed very clouded . suddenly i began talking very fast , and told him my bipolar theory , about how my life was stimulating before and i was always receiving new information and having new experiences , and how that was thrilling . and how now that i 'm in one place my emotional state tries to make up for the lack of inspiration by finding any reason to get really fucking happy or really fucking depressed . i didn 't finish though , and he was nodding . i thought it hopeless to try and explain again . kris started to use the remotes to play a video game with the record . i thought this was neat . he was using the characters from the anime on the album . suddenly we were outside . i was on my laptop and he was on his phone or something . i was lounged in a big comfortable chair , and monroe ( scarlet macaw ) was using his beak to climb the chair and get to me . i put my arm out for him to perch on . then my old dog jasper jumped up onto the chair . monroe immediately began trying to bite him and it was a hassle to separate them . jasper didn 't seem to want to move . i told kris with irritation that i was deleting jasper from facebook . he had some small voice of protest , but i didn 't listen . i started looking through thepost comment |
JavaScript is currently disabled . Obsidian Portal has a lot of really cool features that use JavaScript . You should check them out . We think you 'll have a much more enjoyable experience . Mina was throwing pebbles at the wall like she did every night . She would throw it up , nice and easy , and then try to time a trick with lights that she can do so that the pebble seemed to make sparks when it hit the wall . She had become very good at this . I was leaning back against her cell door - like I did every night - watching the sparks light up the madman snoring in the cell across the corridor . We had not talked for many minutes . After so many weeks , even I had run out of stories to tell . So I asked her to tell me the story about the chimera again . " I told that one an hour ago , " she said . " You make me tell it every night , you know that ? I 'm sick of the chimera story . " " Yeah , well , it 's also a once - per - night story . You tell one this time . You keep hinting at something about a giant squid . " " Oh , come on . The guy 's only come by two or three times . We have plenty of time . Stop making excuses , Venju , and tell me about the squid already . " We were counting the patrols that Winifred 's men made past Mina 's cell . That was the only way to mark the hours down in the cells . We needed two more to pass before we could begin , and two patrols is not enough time for the story of the squid . " You know , I 've been thinking , " Mina said after a while . " Maybe I 'll just stay down here after all . I 'm only just starting to get the hang of this pebble thing , and the straw isn 't so bad to sleep on once you get used to it . I think I could really make a home down here . " One patrol went past , then a long silence , and then the second patrol and it was time . The door of Mina 's cell was made of thick , black iron with rust like dead barnacles clinging to the top . The lock was a solid block nearly the size of my hand that could not be picked because it did not have a keyhole ; it only opened if you held a heavy black stone up against it , and I did not have the stone . So instead I grabbed two bars and began to pull . The door held firm , but then slowly the iron began to sing a deep , soft groan like a whale that echoed down the corridor . The sound made me smile and I pulled harder and suddenly with a crash like lightning striking the mast of your ship the door burst open , stone crumbling to the floor from the hole left by the lock . Now we moved fast . I went to the madman 's cell , just across from Mina 's , and reached through the bars as far as I could , straining until I could grab his shirt and pull him toward me , lift him to his feet , and then drop him into a heap against the door . His snoring never changed . Footsteps were pounding down the stairs now . Mina pulled a few shards of stone and iron from the broken lock before pulling the door closed again . The wall around the lock was a ruin but when I sat back down , my shoulders covered most of the hole . We had to hope that in the corridor 's dimly flickering light the men would not be able to see the cracks shooting through the stone behind me . " That one , the saggy one , he 's actually very funny . He was there when I worked for Uncle , too - been with her forever . He 's a real bastard to the other side , but around us he just did all these funny voices . And he was decent to me while they kept me prisoner , which is more than I can say for the other one . " The Summer Heroes were sitting at a round table on the beach . The trolls of Zacthar ' Zaqara had wasted no time : while the elders were still finalizing their alliance with the sphinxes , dozens of sailors were already setting up tables around a makeshift tavern counter on the beach . That was months ago . Many of the trolls still slept on Zacthar - Hathar trolls tended to avoid sleeping on solid ground whenever they could - but they spent their evenings on the beach . And many of them were now surrounding the Heroes ' table , listening to Venju 's story . The crowd of trolls smelled very strongly of the sea , and nothing else . It could have been much worse , Darion thought . " No , they forgot to even bring a torch , " Venju replied . " I told them the madman ran into his bars again . He did that sometimes , to get away from the monsters , he said . They believed me , of course . Then they told me to finish telling my stories fast if I wanted any dinner before they ran out of stew . " " As I said , they believed me . I worked with them for many months , so there was a trust . Once they left , we had to get upstairs - " Venju laughed and wrapped an arm around her that made her almost disappear . " It was a good moment ! It is good to celebrate such moments , " he said . She curled her face into an exaggerated grimace and jabbed him in the ribs until he let go . We waited for the guards ' footsteps to fade away before following them upstairs to find Winifred 's office . Mina hoped that she would find her dragon sword there . It was a small hope - I told her that Winifred probably had the sword with her , that she kept it nearby all the time - but Mina refused to leave without looking for it . She had become more and more restless as the day of the escape approached , and now as she walked out of her cell a wildness came into her eyes like a predator set free . We only had to go up two levels to get to the surface , where we came out into a huge warehouse full of dyed wool hanging from the ceiling in strands like tattered sails . We crept along the wall to a staircase that led up to the second floor , where Winifred 's office looked out over the rest of the warehouse . Mina pulled out the pieces of rock and iron from her broken door and began to pick the lock ; I put my hand on my sword and prepared to stand watch while she worked , but the lock clicked open right away . Inside it was very dark . Half of the far wall was a large , open window that looked down on the warehouse . It was after midnight but there were still men patrolling below , so we could not light a lamp . We had to be careful . Mina was desperate to find the sword and did not want me in the way , so I leaned against the door and tried to listen for movement outside . The search took much longer than the lock . The room was large and full of heavy , expensive furniture rotten with secret compartments . Mina found and emptied them all , along with at least three or four large chests hidden beneath stacks of cloth , but she found nothing but coins and paper inside . The sword was not there . The captain was tall and thin , with small eyes and a chin that just barely stuck out from her neck . She was usually a little jittery ; some of the men said that she had been using greysalt for years , but I do not know . Even if she did , she was still a good captain . The captain flailed her arms trying to reach Mina , her face an ugly purple . She tried to stagger away from the flames but tripped and fell to her knees , eyes wide with pain . The fire was small but hot and it splashed me in fear , but the Mother was with me and I stepped into the heat to pull them out . The captain had fainted and Mina dropped from her back . We could hear someone running from the far end of the warehouse below , shouting something we could not make out . We were out of time . Now we had to make it back to the tunnels and then to the docks , where a ship was waiting for us . I touched my sword and smiled ; the docks would be swarming with Winifred 's guards , it would be almost impossible get past them without battle . After months without blood I longed for a good contest , and I could feel the joy of death stretch itself awake inside me . " Well , " Mina said , " I guess we owe you a ' thank you , ' Captain . " I turned and saw her looking at the wall above the office door , where three stones were hanging on plaques like trophies . " I never would have seen them without your lamp . Though I do wish my sword was up there , too . " The man in the warehouse sounded like he was almost right below us , so I pulled the stones off the wall , Mina grabbed the captain 's sword , and together we ran . We reached the bottom of the first staircase at the same time as the shouting man . He was very young , barely past boyhood . He waved his hand angrily and tried to push past me up the stairs , and that is when he finally saw Mina . He froze . This was a bad idea , but you must remember that he was very young . I shoved him against the wall , covered his mouth with my hand , and lifted him under my arm . Mina squeezed past me and I followed her down the second staircase , back to the prison cells . Mina burst through the door at the bottom of the stairs and took off down the main corridor . The walls were smooth , carved long ago by nobody - knows - what , and the floor sloped unevenly down , deeper into the island . Empty cells of all sizes and narrow hallways lined the way , some leading up and some steeply down . Everything was stone and iron and very dry , but the air felt like thick summer fog . I could not keep up with the boy under my arm and Mina was pulling farther and farther ahead , so I chose an open cell and dropped him to the floor inside . He tried to stumble away , but he was slow and my arms are long . I grabbed his leg with one hand and brought the other down , fast , on his shin . There was a snap like rope breaking , and then he screamed . " I am sorry , " I said , " but do not worry . It is a clean break , it will heal well . " I pulled a bottle of rum from my bag and pressed it into his hand , then I ran after Mina . The corridor curved to the right and then I could see a door up ahead , heavy and banded with iron . I lowered my shoulder and did not slow down - there was no time to be quiet now . The door splintered around me and I almost fell down the stairs behind it as a loud grinding erupted from the ceiling . There was a wave of heat and then Mina crashed into my legs and I fell back , cracking my head on the steps . She was shouting as we slid down the stairs all tangled together and when I looked up I saw blazing hot metal raining from the ceiling outside the door and pouring down the stairs after us . " My arm got burned , but not too bad , " Mina said , rolling up her sleeve to reveal several long , bright pink scars . " It hurt like something else , though . The big softie didn 't even get singed , of course . " " Yes , it was not a nice thing . Next time I will have rope . But the rum that I gave him would cost a full month of his salary . So I think that he felt better after drinking it . " The room was round and not very large , with only the one door and a ceiling like an upside - down bowl . The walls were full of small , deep nooks all full of jumbled piles of bones , each with a skull in front , the eyes dark and huge . I drew my sword and knocked the handle against the floor three times , and then we had to wait . We could not leave the room on our own , and if Winifred 's men came down before help arrived , there was nothing we could do . At least one of Winifred 's men was secretly working for Balin , and as soon as he heard of Mina 's captivity he contacted me and offered to get her off the island . He risked many things helping us ; if Winifred learns of what he has done , Balin will be hunted down and killed . We owe him a very great debt . " But we do not know that one of these stones opens the Temple we need , " I said . " And what happens if they are the wrong stones after all ? The All Hall is far away , by then Winifred 's men will all over the docks . We would never make it to the ship . " " Then we 'll hide out for a few days and try again , like we planned . Making it to the ship tonight was always going to be a long shot , at least this way we might be able to just skip the whole ordeal . And it 'll be safer for Balin 's connections since they won 't have to risk smuggling us out of Winifred 's reach . " " Come on , Venju . What 's the worst that could happen - a fight ? " She smiled , her eyes glinting like sparks on stone . " That wouldn 't be so bad , would it ? " This tunnel looked very different from the prison , larger and much more even . They tell me that the Skrozi built their city on the rockiest part of a very rocky island , and they had to quarry for stone beneath the city itself to make their buildings . Then when they ran out of space in the buildings above the ground , they just moved into the tunnels that the miners left behind . Shops , taverns , warehouses , whorehouses - people of all sorts moved down there . The upper levels became just another neighborhood , very nice places to live and work , but the lower levels … the lower levels are a different sort of place . " I need to leave you here , " Balin said , motioning to one of the others to come forward . " Too many people would recognize me down here , and all of them would sell that knowledge to Winifred in a heartbeat . Tryna will guide you the rest of the way instead , and if the Temple is closed she 'll bring you somewhere safe . " Balin laughed . " I 'm not sure how much good that 'll do me , she 's always hated me . Where is the little bugger , anyway ? " Tryna told us to stay close by her side and we followed her out into a tunnel as wide the city 's main street , lined with vendors and swarming with activity . It seemed like nobody had anything legal for sale . Some vendors had stolen goods and these stalls were nice to look at , full of silks and gold and beautiful art . Others sold more gruesome things and these we hurried past . Some even sold people , elves and humans and gnomes . These usually had a single slave chained to the stall , to show the quality , but the rest were always locked away in a distant chamber . Some of the chambers that opened off the main street had doors but many were left open or were only curtained off . From one we heard a groaning chant and when we passed we saw that it was full of bodies , naked and twirling faster than you could see . In another , a man and a woman faced each other in the middle of a small crowd . They were seated cross - legged on the air , floating and bleeding from their ears . Then the man cried out and fell to the floor and did not move again , and the small crowd cheered . Everywhere we were jostled by little carts pushed by hunched - over old men and women selling salted fish and pickled meats covered in bright , hot spices . We saw a gnome leading a very small elephant through the crowd and a phoenix , filthy and beaten , chained inside an apothecary 's shop . A pile of black sludge moved slowly down a narrow alley , dissolving everything around it but the stone , and packs of mangy goblin dogs skulked through the emptier tunnels gnawing at whatever they found . There was even a troll , neither Hathar nor feral , whose eyes were wild as he fought a man in a makeshift arena . The man had a torch but the troll did not seem to notice the burns that covered his arms . He crushed the man 's head in his hands . Almost every time we entered a new tunnel , Tryna stopped and spoke to someone at the entrance . Many she shook hands with , to others she gave gold , and to some she gave something that was not gold , though I could not see what it was . After almost an hour , maybe more , we finally arrived at a door that looked much newer than anything around it . " This is it , folks , " Tryna said . " These stairs open up right in the All Hall , down in the crypt level . I 'll stay around here for twenty minutes and keep an eye on this door . You can 't get into the Temple , just come back down and we 'll find somewhere safe for you to hide . " We thanked her and then she was gone , swallowed up by the crowd . The All Hall is the main temple on Skroz , dedicated to all of the gods . The top floor is for the Seven and the bottom floor is for everyone else - and I mean everyone else . The top floor is just one great chamber with seven sides but the bottom is like a circular maze , with many narrow hallways filled with shrines all wrapped around a central chapel . The stairs let us out into one of the narrow hallways between two statues covered in dried flowers , one of a crocodile with a thousand hands and another of a crab - centaur with turquoise eyes . The door to the Temple was in a hallway on the other side of the central chamber . The upper hall would be empty at this time of night but the lower hall is always full of people , and when we came to the end of the hallway we saw two - or three - dozen worshippers circling the chapel , pausing here or there to offer their brief prayers . A small , silent crowd milled about in the center of the room . I am ashamed that I did not notice who the men in this crowd were until the air rang with the sound of twenty swords drawn from leather scabbards . At least half of Winifred 's guards were there and I counted at least four archers with arrows already knocked . The murmured prayers around us fell away into silence and captain stepped out from the crowd . " You really are too soft , Venju , " she said . " Big and strong , but soft . You should not have let me see you take those stones . If you 'd just let me die , you both might have made it out . " The captain smiled . " And you 're a cocky bastard , I 'll give you that . Now why don 't you step away from the prisoner so we don 't have to kill you both ? Who knows , do it quick enough and I might let you get some dinner when we get back . " At this , I confess that I laughed . The longing for battle that stirred within me in Winifred 's office had been scratching and pawing at my insides for more than an hour . In my time on Skroz there had been a little brawl here or there , perhaps , but very few people stood up to Winifred 's men . Those days were like a shallow pool at low tide , warm and calm for children to play in , but now a storm was breaking and waves were towering up to crash around me . So I laughed and I looked to Mina and saw that she was smiling , and together we drew our swords and charged into the storm . The archers fired together . Two missed but two hit their marks in my shoulder and thigh , good , clean lines of pain shining from the wounds . The archers were fast and they fired again but their aim was even poorer , their best shots only grazing us . Then we were in their midst and they could not fire again . Mina was a blur around me . She had no armor , just the baggy canvas of a prisoner , and since she could not avoid the blades entirely she spun and twirled between them , turning deadly blows into slices across her arm , her leg , her face . She had the captain 's sword but it was large and ungainly , a weapon for a showman , not a warrior . I lost her among the waves and when resurfaced the sword was gone , replaced by two long daggers taken from one of the men . While Mina swirled , I stood still in the center of the crowd and let the tide break upon me , hoping to take the blows that Mina could not . One blade bit into the plates of my armor and the poor man could not pull it out , and then my forearm crunched his elbow into a new angle . Another guard thought me distracted and wound back to take a mighty blow , at my neck perhaps , or my head , but I was faster and I cut her long and shallow across her chest so there would not be much blood but a great deal of pain . We had agreed from the beginning to kill as few of the guards as possible , if we could help it . Mina knew many of them from her earlier life , and I had been with them for many months . Most were not evil , though some were cruel and ugly of heart . They did not deserve to die . So instead we broke their noses so they could not breathe , we broke their hands so they could not hold their blades , and we sliced at their legs so they could not stand . At each new cut across my body I laughed and felt stronger , but these were mere humans and they did not grow strong with pain . The captain had two lieutenants , a brother and a sister , cruel sorcerers of elemental magic from the Great Rainforest . They were the exceptions to our mercy . While bodies crumpled around us , these two threw lightning and ice that bit at my skin and made me strong . But then when all the others had crawled away on trails of blood , these two threw fire that nearly blinded me with agony . They showered me with unclean torment and I bellowed with fury but could not move . And Mina was gone . I looked for her desperately through the curtain of flame but she was nowhere . Darkness blurred everything around me and I called to the Mother , asked her for the strength to cast of the pain . Then in a flash Mina was at the brother 's side , her blade slicing across his neck . In the same motion Mina fell , tumbled to the side , and sprang up behind the sister , thrusting her blade up to the hilt through the sorceress 's forearm and twisting it behind her back . The sister howled in shock and then Mina 's other blade appeared at her throat , still coated in the brother 's blood . That left only the captain . My skin was blistered and charred but I could feel the Mother 's healing begin and it calmed the pain to a dull smolder . Mina was bleeding from many shallow cuts , but she looked steadily at the captain without fear or fury . I thought back to what Winifred had told me about the Temple . I wanted to drift away into the Mother 's peace flowing like cool water in my veins but I could not afford to , not yet , so I closed my eyes and focused on the pain glowing beneath my skin until it filled my mind like boiling water . My memory blazed like coals amid the pain and I remembered where the Temple was hidden . Eventually we came to the shrine we were looking for : a shallow alcove in the wall containing a mermaid large as life , sculpted from what looked like solid bone . The alcove was framed by a thick ring of wood with every kind of hideous beast carved into it . Near the top I saw a sort of toad covered in long hair , its toothless mouth open and screaming . I pressed my hand against it and the ring began to turn like a wheel around the alcove . Then the entire shrine , alcove and ring and all , swung out from the wall like a door to reveal an ancient staircase leading down into darkness . " We have your girlfriend , you know , " the sorceress snarled , stepping toward us . " Uncle 's mouthpiece ? You remember her . She 's been rotting away nicely in our deepest cell . So I hope you enjoyed this , " she said , raising her ruined arm , " because I 'm taking it out on her . " Then she slammed the door closed . Mina smiled slightly . " No , the sorceress . Uncle and I were friends . Still are , I hope . After all this , though , after what my sister 's done to her - all these things only happened because of me . I hope we 're still friends . " Another long silence passed before Venju spoke . " We could not help her then , she was too far away . We had to keep going . At the bottom of the stairs there was a very small room with a well full to the brim with water . We climbed in . " We came out on a tiny island of white sand surrounded by an endless sea , like a pile of salt on a dull steel plate . Mina sat down heavily on the lip of the well while I drew my sword and dipped my foot in the water . I had heard evil tales about the creature that guarded this place , and I hoped that I had the strength left to face it . After only a moment there was a brief ripple and then an enormous head rose gracefully from the water on a massive , oily neck . The head was the size of a small boat , thick and shaped like a rounded spade . There were no eyes that I could see but the mouth was huge , a gash filled with hideous teeth that wrapped almost entirely around the head . " As you wish , " the serpent answered . He coiled his body against the sand and we climbed onto his back , then he began to slither over the surface of the water . I did not trust him but I could not resist the Mother 's healing light any longer , so I closed my eyes and let the pain drift away into the sea . I soon lost myself in Her embrace , feeling each wound close at Her touch . I do not know how long we stayed like that , but eventually I felt Mina shake me awake and saw the other island , another tiny pile of salt on the horizon . |
I wish I could tell you that Angela and I sat and talked that day ; but , alas , it was not to be , at least , not that day , anyway . As soon as the ball game had been played out , we all sat down on blankets we had brought with us , and after the leader , an older man of about 35 led the saying of grace , we ate . It was wonderful . I waited until Angela and her brother had spread their blanket , and then I spread ours close to hers . She turned away slightly and seemed to be intent on taking the food from their basket . Following the picnic , the leader of the group arose and taking out his Bible , began reading from Matthew . It was from the Sermon on the Mount . Odie looked over at me in irritated astonishment . " This is a religious meeting ? Why have you brought me to this ? " " Please , Odie , just listen to what Mr . Ruggles has to say . Haven 't you had a great time so far ? Has anybody been unkind to you ? " " I 'm going home ! You tricked me ! You know I don 't go in for this kinda stuff ! " " Just give it a chance , please ! Nobody 's going to embarrass you . I 'm your friend ! " He calmed down and began listening , reluctantly . However , he kept casting hurtful looks my way . Mr . Ruggles was a powerful speaker , and before Odie realized it , he was drawn into the story . By the time the story was over , Odie 's attitude had changed . It would take some time , but I knew Odie would eventually be won over . He had a good heart after all , and he was listening . It was beginning to grow dark when we left the riverside . The other guys and gals came up to us and told Odie how glad they were that he had come with me . Mr . Ruggles invited him to come to church the next Sunday . " We 'll see , " replied Odie . " Are you going to be there ? " We gathered up all our stuff , and left . " I guess I 'm glad you invited me , Zeeb . It was fun . It 's been a long time since I 've been around a lot of other people like that . In fact , when our parents died , I kind of lost touch with people . My sister is always on my case , fussin ' at me . " " Does she care about you ? " I asked , knowing the answer if he were truthful . " I reckon so , " he replied , kicking an empty drink can that was in our path . We would just have to wait and see who she went for : Odie or me . At the end of the next two weeks , we graduated from the police academy and were then ready to take to the streets with older , seasoned cops . I knew this would be my life 's work , serving and protecting the public . As for Angela and me , well , let 's just say it was an interesting time ahead of us . ( The end ) Posted by For several Sundays I had been meeting with this group of young people . I have not mentioned them before , but I had met them in church . It was a small church but quite active . They had welcomed me in and I felt as though I had truly come home when I was with them . I especially had my eyes on a lovely young girl named Angela Rae . She seemed to like me , too . Her chestnut hair was cut to frame an oval face ; her eyes were a soft brown almost the same color as her hair . I thought her name suited her ; when she spoke , it was a soft southern tone that reached my ears . Smitten was the word that would describe me and I knew without a doubt that she was meant to be mine . I had told no one about my feelings for Angela ; not realizing I didn 't have to even open my mouth for it to be obvious to others . Jackson had taken me to the church for a visit the first time I went . After I saw Angela , I knew that would be my church , for sure . Of course , the pastor was very good , as well . It took me two weeks to get up my nerve to speak to Angela . At first , I just nodded to her . She looked directly at me , then looked away , blushing . That captured my heart . I had seen lots of girls in my day , but seeing one almost as shy as I was , I knew she was the one for me . When I met Odie around three , I was carrying the picnic basket filled with goodies for the meeting . " Your Mama Nina sure knows how to fill a basket , " Odie said , lifting the lid and peeking inside . " Now you just keep your paws out a ' the food , " I chided him , jokingly . " Tell me something about these people we 're picnicking with today , " he demanded . " How do I know I 'll like them . . . better still , how do I know they 'll like me ? Not everybody does , you know . " " Oh , just be nice , and they can 't help but like you . You 're a great fella , once you stop being a jerk ! " I joked . I knew he was nervous , but I encouraged him to settle down and just be natural . I had realized that one reason he acted like such a jerk sometimes , was that he hadn 't had a man to teach him how to behave for several years siWhen we arrived at the riverside , we saw the other young people gathered and I noticed some of them had begun a game of softball . " Come on , Odie ; let me introduce you to some of the fellas . " Soon after the game began , I saw Angela Rae arrive with her brother , and I smiled in her direction . She saw me , I knew , but offered little recognition of the fact . Sooner or later , I would get her to speak to me . It was destiny . ( To be continued ) Posted by When we got back to the station , Captain Wintermeyer and the squad were in the process of booking the thugs we had taken down . We got to observe the whole process . Wintermeyer inquired about the absence of Bix . " He chose not to go with us ; since it was truly voluntary , we let him off the hook . He said his wife was worried when she was all alone at night . " Odie informed him . I pulled Odie to one side . " You think it 's going to be a black mark against Bix ? What do you reckon Frosty will do ? " I whispered as quietly as possible . " It sure won 't do his standing any good in the Captain 's eyes . He shouldn 't be a cop if he can 't be out at night . You know he 's not held down any job for long . Can you imagine having a wife who 's not behind you a hundred percent ? " " Well , it 's kind of hard to imagine having a wife to support , that you have to keep assuring you 're not going to be fired . Also , one that 's afraid all the time for her own safety . " " I heard they 're from a large city up north , where you have to live in fear for your life all the time . " Odie replied . He seemed to catch all the scuttlebutt floating around . " It 'll be interesting to see what happens on Monday when we go back to class ; we 'll see if Bix is still going to be one of us , or if he 'll be gone . " " No , not at present . " I smiled . " I do have a place I want to take you , though . I want you to meet some of my friends on Sunday afternoon that don 't have anything to do with police work . How about it ? " " They 're having a picnic down by the river . The weather is supposed to be getting nice , and I 'll have Mama Nina pack a basket for us . There 's some girls in the group . What do ya say ? " " They sure are ! Come on ! You 'll enjoy it ! We can forget all about classes and police work and just have a good time . Wear your casual clothes and meet me at Mama 's around three p . m . Okay ? " That night as I readied myself to go out , I was thinking about Bix and his situation . Was he just using his wife as an excuse ? Why had he encountered so many problems keeping a job ? Were there underlying issues he wasn 't dealing with ? I knew without a doubt , he was headed for failure once again . He 'd never make it as a cop unless he dealt with whatever was bothering him . He certainly has aroused my curiosity , that was for sure . It was dark that night , no moon and these fellas didn 't know the area as well as I had learned it , so they were going to be relying on my skills . I knew we could do it . We arrived near the alleyway where the three men always set up their business . " Okay , fellas . Can you all act drunk ? Instead of sneaking up on them , we 're gonna be singing like we are three sheets in the wind , looking for a good time , including the purchase of some drugs . " Odie remarked , " I sure can . I 've had a little experience at the real thing . " Some of the others nodded their agreement . " Say , what about you , straight - laced Zeeb ! You ain 't never been drunk in your life , I 'll bet . " This came from D . K . " Let 's just say , I know how a drunk behaves . I don 't have to explain why . Now come on fellas . Here we go . " We linked arms and began stumbling around and singing one of the latest rock songs . We were laughing and pushing each other around . " Hey , look there ! A fire ! You cold , D . K . ? " One of them came over to us . " You fellas need to warm up a little ? We don 't mind sharin ' our fire with ya . " All the while , he was patting our pockets in preparation for a little wallet lifting . He wasn 't going to find any though . I had already warned my friends not to carry any thing they didn 't want to possible lose . " Did I hear somebody say he was in the market for a rainbow ? Got some ' ludes , and red devils as well . Anything you want . You got some money ? " " Well , let 's see what cha got . You could just be sayin ' that to get our money , and give us nothing . " This came from Odie . I gave a prearranged signal and we took them down . Within seconds , all three were on the ground . I retrieved the pills which had fallen to the ground . They were evidence . Odie gave a loud whistle , and around the corner came a squad of policemen , led by Captain Wintermeyer , and they carted the three men off . " Good work , men ! " I commended them . " We did it ! We made our first arrest . Now , we need to go to the station and fill out some paperwork . That 's always part of the job ! " Needless to say , we were so energized , I doubt if we could have slept immediately after arriving back at our places of residence . Posted by All weekend , I worked in the diner , busing tables , cleaning floors , talking with Mama and Papa , the owners . They had much advice to offer me , and told me stories about how they had come to America as a young couple . They had worked hard and become successful in a small way ( according to them ) and were trying to give back in gratitude to the country that had become home to them . They lived very modest lives , but never turned away anyone who needed help . I admired them beyond measure , and came to love them like my own family back in Kentucky . I kept in touch with my family back home by calling them at least once a month or so . It seemed they were doing well , mostly . My brother , Les , was in school and keeping out of trouble as far as they knew ; my little sister , Marie , was growing more lovely by the day . My sister , Rose . . . well , they still didn 't speak of her . Rosie , the hothead , always leading with her temper , was no doubt in all kinds of hot water . One day , I knew I would have to hunt her down and set her straight , probably get her out of whatever mess she was no doubt in . Soon the third week of school began , and I was back at the academy every day , learning more about how to become a good policeman . I could see most of the others shaping up , but by this time three of the ten had washed out , so that left one without a partner . I felt for him , so I asked Frosty if he could join Odie and me . " Well , Zeeb , that is a bit unorthodox , but we are here to learn to co - operate with one another , so , yes , if he is willing and if Odie is , that would be acceptable . How about it , fellas , is that okay with both of you ? " Bixby , called Bix by all of us , readily agreed . " Well - l - l . . . okay , " laughed Odie . " He 's an okay guy . Ain 't his fault his partner got sent home , so sure . Welcome to our team , Bix , old boy . " Let me tell you a little about Bix . He was older than most of the recruits . He was around thirty and married . Most of the rest of us were just out of the army or high school , so not out of our early twenties , some our teens . Bix apparently had several jobs before the academy and seemed to have had a bit of bad luck in them . That would no doubt make anyone feel a bit down , but he seemed cheerful enough . I wondered what his difficulty had been in keeping a job . After our morning run , we came back in to take up some basic medical training , such as artificial respiration and basic first aid . We had a dummy person to practice artificial respiration and of course the usual jokes were made . A written test followed the morning 's instruction and then a performance test after that to see how well we had learned from it all . Following lunch , we had a test over everything that we had the first two weeks of school . It was a surprise to us all , and it 's purpose , I am sure , was to see if we were retaining what we had been instructed in . It was also another way to winnow out the chaff . When we came in the next day , we were down to six ; one more had washed out , so Bix left our team and joined another lone student , , D . K . , who had just lost his partner By this time , I believed that Frosty was satisfied with the competence and cohesiveness of our group . So , we were now three groups - Odie and me ; Bix and D . K . , Del and Ben . By the end of that week , we were all pretty close pals . We could almost smell the success of graduation from the academy ahead of us . I decided it was time to try the apprehension of the thugs again . This time I swore them to secrecy . Instead of calling a regular policeman in on it , though , we would take down the three ourselves . After all , it was six against three , and we were strong young men . We 'd make a citizen 's arrest and take them in . " Sorry , fellas , I can 't do it . I have a wife and two kids . We 're new in town and she worries about being alone at night . " This came from Bixby ( Bix ) . He spoke very apologetically . We all turned as one man and looked at him , amazed , unbelieving . " What are you going to do when you have night patrol , Bix ? " Odie asked him . " What 's she gonna do ? " That man had his head in the clouds , I thought . " Well , if you can 't tonight , you can 't . We can take care of it , I reckon , " I replied . " See you on Monday , then . " We all parted ways after we finalized our plans for later that night . I wondered how long Bix would be with us . ( to be continued ) Posted by " Well , now , I don 't know , O ' Hanlon . Your plan is a bit irregular . You say you believe these fellows are the ones who beat you and also who caused the death of Fin ? But , are you sure ? " " I know that they are peddling dope ; and I know they are the ones who beat me senseless , and I 'm relatively sure they are the ones who beat the Sarge . We had zeroed in on them before my academy classes began . I can take you to them . " " There 'll be five of us including you . We 'll all be in vagrant disguise to throw them off . You can have three pair of handcuffs and we 'll get them with the goods . We may even catch them beating up somebody . I know exactly where to find them . You 'll do it , then ? " " Sounds like fun ! It 's been awhile since I 've done anything like this . Thanks for thinking of me , Zeeb ! " I looked at him in surprise . . . my mouth hanging open . " You don 't realize how names get bandied about among the men here ? We all have our eyes on you academy kids ; watching to see what our next crop of men are going to be like and how capable . We know you and Odie are teamed up together , too . We 're watching that situation for sure . What time this evening ? " That afternoon , around four o ' clock , as the evening shift of policemen took over , I noticed Sgt . Johnson standing on the steps . He was talking to Hicks as I passed by the station on my way to the diner . Johnson smiled and nodded at me as I walked by . " What was that all about ? " I wondered . Then I dismissed it from my mind . I had a full afternoon of work at the diner to do , before I got off around ten . That would be followed by an hour of class study and another period of time spent in Bible study and preparing my mind for the night 's activity . When the evening 's work was over , and we closed the diner , I went home with my hosts , and immediately to my room . Somehow , I was finding it almost impossible to concentrate ; my mind was so filled with the night ahead 's activities . Then I took a deep breath and appealed to the Lord to calm my nerves and bring me inner peace for the task ahead . At eleven , I donned my disguise and smeared dirt all over my face and hands , as though preparing for battle . Fifteen minutes later , I headed out the door and locked the outer door behind me . I was on my way to meet my friends and take them to our quarry . We all gathered on the corner , and wandered along as though we hadn 't a care in the world . It was interesting to see what disguises my friends had come up with ; we certainly looked like a bunch of ne ' er - do - wells . After a bit of aimless wandering , we went to the place where I had seen the three men several times . Much to my dismay , no one was there . We began searching in earnest . " I don 't understand ! They 've been here every night I 've seen them . What has happened ? " My friends looked at one another , then back at me . " Looks like they 've disappeared , Zeeb ! Are you sure this is the place ? After all , a lot of these alleyways look the same . Let 's search around some more in some of the other streets . " Odie was sympathetic to my plight . We searched around for another hour , coming up empty . I looked at them and saw a few guilty faces , including the Lieutenant 's . " We got a leak somewhere , fellas . We 'll wait a while and then try it again . In the meantime , ' Mum 's the word ' , hear ? When you are on a secret mission , nobody except the people on the mission are to know . It 's a hard and fast rule . " I was disgusted . " Thanks , guys , for going out on this tonight . I appreciate your help . We won 't give up , will we ? " When class was over , I remained seated , waiting for the axe maybe to fall . Captain Wintermeyer , however , pulled over a chair to face me and sat down . " Son , I realize you 've lost a best friend and I know he would want you to succeed in becoming a policeman . He was one that could be depended on to do what was right . You may not know this , but he led me to know the Lord , just like he did you , but I was much older . You 've had your time of getting accustomed to his passing , now you need to buckle down and do your best . I 'm pulling for you , Zeeb . Oh , yeah , I know all about the nicknames , and that one will stick with you , believe me . I believe the new kids call me Frosty ; it 's an old name and will no likely continue . Do you have a place to stay ? I know you were living in Fin 's quarters . " " Yes , sir . I 've made arrangements with friends . Thank you , sir , for asking . As for knuckling down and working to pass the course , I will , sir . Thank you for understanding . You won 't need to remind me again . " " Very well , then , O ' Hanlon ! See that you do . I 'll see you back here in about 45 minutes ; and you 'd best be ready . " " Yes , sir . " He stood and we left together . Odie was waiting around outside for me , and we took off for the diner . When Frosty got out of earshot , Odie asked " What did he say ? Did he tell you to clear out and not come back ? Have you washed out ? " " No , " I smiled at Odie . " He told me to buckle down and get with the program or else I would be gone . That was it . He also paid a special personal tribute to my friend , Jackson Finley . That 's all . Now , let 's hurry and get to the diner . I 'm starving ! " After lunch , the class took up being instructed in how to make a proper apprehension and arrest without the use of a weapon . We role - played the action of a chase and apprehension . Wintermeyer had us set up barriers in the shooting range area for the role - playing . We took turns in two against one and one against one doing the chasing and being the chased . The Captain gave us some actual tricks that the fleeing criminal would use , but gave them only to the ones playing the criminal in order to make it more difficult . We soon realized that we really had to think about what we were doing , rather than depend on being more fit than the criminal . By the end of an hour 's worth of that practice , we were ready to come back inside and work on another chapter of the police manual . Each day , after we worked on the manual , we took a short exam over what we had learned ( or not learned ) on the day before . It gave us a chance to review the manual at home before we had the actual test on it . It was a good method . On the next Friday , an idea came to me . I was going to get the guys who beat up my friend , and see that they were brought to justice . I was sure it was the three who had beaten me . I would need help to do it , though , and I figured my friends would help me . ( To be continued ) Posted by I slept through the afternoon and all night , as though I had never slept before . My grief had overtaken me and left me bereft of my friend . When I awakened , I remembered anew that in this lifetime , I would never see my friend again . However , I knew that one day I would see him in the hereafter . That gave me strength to go on . Upon arising from my bed , I heard a knocking on the door . When I went to open it , I found a notice tacked to the frame . It was a note telling me that unless I could pay the rent on the place , I was to vacate it immediately . I knew I had to leave because I had no money to speak of . I decided that I would find employment for the time I wasn 't going to school at the academy . I certainly wasn 't getting paid for attending the school . I decided to ask Mama Nina if she knew of a place where I could work and perhaps stay until I was earning money as a policeman . It didn 't take me very long to pack up my belongings in the duffel bag ; I was soon on my way to the diner to talk to Mama Nina . They had closed the diner the day before in order to attend Jackson 's funeral services . It would have meant a lot to him to know how they had honored him by doing so . I carried the uniform carefully along with my duffel bag to the diner . Mama and Papa hugged me when I arrived and asked if they could do anything for me . I could see the concern and affection in their faces . " Well , since you ask , could you perhaps tell me where I can get a part time job and a place to live until I begin to earn money as a policeman ? I realize you all know a lot about the community and might have an idea for me . " Wiping her hands on her apron , she began speaking to me . " You know , Zebbie . . . we 've been needing someone to help out around here for awhile . Perhaps you could wash dishes and clear tables , perhaps sweep and mop , too , on your time off from school . We have a small room at our house that we can clear out so you will have a place to sleep . " " Are you sure ? I wouldn 't want to be any bother to you . " It really humbled me to realize how kind they were being to me . They didn 't have to do what they were offering to me , but I knew they meant it and it would have been churlish of me to turn up my nose at their offer . " Thank you , Mama and Papa . I appreciate your offer and I accept . " " Okay , Zebbie , you may begin after your classes at the academy today . We 'll expect to see you around four o ' clock this afternoon . " I hugged them both . It was a real comfort to feel their arms around my waist . " You might as well leave your duffel bag and we can stow it in the back somewhere until we all go home tonight . " I left with my heart singing their praises . Bobby Joe Odum greeted me at the door to the academy . " Hey , buddy ! How are you doing today ? Are you ready to begin our run this morning ? We had an assignment to turn in today that you missed yesterday afternoon . Do you reckon Frosty will penalize you ? " I hit my forehead , feeling like I was days behind instead of just one day ; I hadn 't gotten the assignment , because I had gone home right after the funeral instead of returning to the academy . I would need to talk to the Captain to see about making it up . Pretty soon all ten students were present and we ran the laps before settling down for the day 's work . " O ' Hanlon , if you would remain a few minutes after class this noon , we need to discuss a few matters . " Captain Wintermeyer spoke quietly to me . " Yes , sir . " I hoped the ax wasn 't getting ready to fall . That morning we had some more practice with shooting and the use of the baton . We cleaned guns and then reviewed a chapter in the manual about the use of excessive force in making arrests . We seemed to be taking small bites in our training . I was pleased to see that Odie ( his nickname ) was settling down and less obnoxious in his behavior . My nickname among the other students became Zeeb . It seemed everyone eventually received a nickname . Over the next few days , arrangements were made for last rites of my friend . His children were informed of his passing , and I finally got to meet them . When we met , I told them what a wonderful friend Jackson had been to all those who knew him , and how much he meant to me . They asked me to speak at his funeral , since I had such a first hand knowledge of his recent activities and I had been so influenced by him . At the service , I looked out over the sea of blue uniforms , and felt a sense of coming home . I would soon belong to that brotherhood , just as I belonged to a brotherhood of believers in Christ . Not as important as the brotherhood of Christ , but it would be a partnership , nevertheless . " Eleven years ago , I was just a boy , still wet behind the ears when I met Jackson Finley . I 'm honored to be able to speak on this important day on his behalf . It was Sergeant Finley who came to my home to tell me about my Da being found beaten to death . I had met him earlier when he came with others to look for my Da after he had been in a fight and killed someone . Jackson gave me my first Testament and also my first lesson in self - defense . He was the first to invite me to ask Jesus into my heart . Later on , he kept me from straying into a life of crime . Then my family left the town where he was and I lost track of him . I never forgot him , and when I left the armed services , I went looking for him . I just found him a few weeks ago , and was elated . Once again , he helped me . The pastor got up and preached a short sermon from John 14 . Everyone then arose from their seats , the family passed by the coffin once more , and everyone filed out . I had been chosen to be one of the pallbearers and loaned a uniform to wear . Taking my place with the others , I stood nearby while the casket was closed . Then we carried my friend out to the hearse . Within minutes , the whole cortege was at the cemetery and we once again carried my friend 's remains , this time stopping at the burial site . As we carried his remains , the bagpipes sounded their mournful song , " Going Home - The Fallen Soldier " . That was the first , but not the last , time that I heard the pipes on that tune . It brings shivers to my frame even now . Following the pipes , a twenty - one gun salute was given . The graveside service was short . I spoke to his children and their families once more , then it was all over . Later on , I happened to reflect that I had not seen his sister or her husband at the services . Perhaps her husband 's illness prevented her coming . As often happens , all the policemen congregated later at the bar in the local pub to drink to Jackson 's memory . I went , but chose not to drink ; I could not forget what drink had done to destroy my family . I didn 't believe Jackson would feel honored to have them drinking in his memory anyway . I went back to the place Jackson and I had shared . I wondered if I would be able to continue staying there ; and figured , ' probably not . ' Removing the uniform and hanging it up carefully , I crawled into bed and went to sleep . ( To be continued ) Posted by The next few days passed uneventfully . I was no longer going out at night with ' Krispy ' , but getting sleep that I needed for attending academy classes . Friday morning came and when I awakened , ' Krispy ' was not home as he usually was . I was not awfully alarmed , since I was not his keeper , but I was a bit concerned at a change in routine . Getting up and ready to leave , I continued to wonder what was keeping my friend . Deciding to go to the station house to see if he was there , I hurried , praying all the while . I kept remembering the apparent pain in his side that he had been trying to play down . Feeling a dread wash over me , I walked numbly to the office , and at once sat down . My legs seemed not to be able to hold up my body . Somehow , my mind knew what was coming . " I 'm sorry to tell you this , Zeb . As you probably know , Jackson Finley has not been a well man for some time , not since he took the bullets a few years ago . The fire was also detrimental to his health as well . He was stopping the beating of a homeless person while ago and his heart gave out on him . The coroner suspects the bullet shrapnel had reached his heart and finally took his life . " By this time , I was sobbing unashamedly . What was I going to do without my good friend , now that I had found him . My loss seemed to have doubled , and my pain seemed greater than I could bear . I arose and stumbled from the room , feeling more alone than ever before . " How could this have happened ? " I asked myself , then fell to my knees , asking God . " Why ? Why did you do this ? I don 't understand ? " One of the men helped me to my feet and I stumbled out of the station , not having any destination in mind . I had never felt so alone . Now what ? For the next hour , I wandered aimlessly , then looked up and saw the steeple of a church . On top of the steeple was a cross . There on the sidewalk , I fell to my knees once again , hit anew with the realization of what the cross stood for . The Sacrifice made for all mankind . I still felt the loss of my friend , but the cross put it into perspective . He would not want me questioning God for taking him , but to praise God that my friend was now at home with our Savior . I sent up a prayer of thanks to Him . But I was going to miss my friend . I knew Jackson , ' Krispy ' Finley would want me to go back to the station and see what I could do . I knew he had children that had to be notified , and I had an academy instructor that I needed to square things away with . Next morning when I arrived at the academy , everyone else was already there , gathered around the bulletin board . It didn 't take long for us to see who we were partnered with . My hunch had been correct ; my partner for the duration of the school was Odum . However , his manner was more in keeping with that of a person who had been sorely chastised , at least verbally . He reached out and shook my hand . The captain did sometimes appear quite ' frosty ' . " You 'd better not let him hear you identify him in that manner , " I whispered . " Ah , that 's his nickname around the station , didn 't you know ? It 's a natural ! " " He chew you out yesterday ? " " Nah . They died in a car wreck when I was just thirteen . My sister has been in charge ' a me since then ; ha , she tried to be , that is . Always ' a bossin ' me around . ' Don 't do that , Bobby ! You 'll get inta trouble , Bobby ! ' Yak , yak , yak ! " " Hmm . I see . How about if I just be your friend . I promise not to say anything unless I see you doing something that will cause danger or harm to someone , you included . " " Say , that 'd be cool ! I promise to guard your back as well , like real partners . " " One more question ; are you a Christian , Bobby ? " " Nah ! I don 't believe in all that Jesus baloney ! My sister tried to drag me to church all the time . Don 't tell me you 're one ' a them ? " " Yep ! I sure am . I 'm gonna be praying for you big time , partner , and I 'm not gonna let up on telling you about Him and what He 's done for me . You 're gonna find how important God is in the days and years to come , if you live long enough . Just you wait and see . Now , here comes the boss . " " Okay , men , let 's do some stretches and get ready to run . Next time , you better be doing your stretches before I get here . Got it ? " " Yes , sir ! " we shouted . Real classes at the academy had just begun . When I went to lunch that day , I took Odum with me to Mama Nina 's . " Who is this young man , Zebbie ? " Mama asked me . " This is my partner at the academy . Bobby Joe Odum , meet Mama Nina . Mama Nina , Bobby Joe . We 've been paired up for the next four weeks . " " He 's my friend from many years ago , when I lived in Pennsylvania . It 's a long story . Oh , here he comes now . " " Hey , Jackson , meet Bobby Joe Odum , my new partner ! " I smiled at Jackson . " Glad to meet you , Bobby . I think I may have seen you a few times around the station house and all . " Jackson reached out his hand and grabbed Bobby 's hand . I didn 't know until later about the kind of attention Odum had paid to Jackson around the station house . It seemed he had been a ringleader in casting aspersions on Jackson 's character , simply because of his choice of marriage partner . We ate lunch in an air of companionship . I noticed once again that my old friend was holding his side . I was going to speak to him in private as soon as possible . " Listen , Odum ; let 's get one thing straight , here and now ! Jackson Finley is a good man , honest and true . I don 't ever want you to speak unkindly of or to him again . Understand ? " I felt someone clap me on the shoulder and turned around to see Jackson smiling at me . " Hungry , huh ? So , tell me , how did your first morning go ? Who 's the instructor ? " " A Captain Wintermeyer is . We have ten students , including me . One of them , I want to ask you about . His name is Bobby Joe . . . " " Odum ! " We both said simultaneously . " Oh ! You know him ? Who is he , anyway ? " " Did you notice , when I introduced you to Captain Shannon in his office , and that young woman with the baby came in , how much younger she is than the Captain ? Yet , she is his wife . " Speaking in a very low voice , Jackson replied , " It so happens she is his second wife . His first wife passed away about three years ago . The Captain met this one when her brother was brought in on a drunk and disorderly misdemeanor . Somehow , she decided to appeal his case to the Captain , over the arresting officer 's head . She wanted the brother 's record expunged , because she wanted it not to follow him around . It seems that she really appealed to the Captain in such a winning way that about ten months later , we all got an invite to their wedding . " I slapped my forehead . " Oh , man ! Of course ! No wonder Wintermeyer defers to him somewhat . I knew Odious wasn 't kidding when he said he ' knew someone ' . I just didn 't realize how high it went . Poor Wintermeyer ; well , I 'll bet he 's not going to take as much guff as Bobby Joe thinks he will . " As we stood up , I noticed Jackson rub his left side . When I started to say something about it , he waved my question away with a shaking of the head and smiled . We soon left and were back on the way to our respective places . The afternoon was filled with our learning more about use of the baton , as we practiced . The last hour was spent learning to safely load and unload a shotgun . " Men , come prepared to do some running in the morning . Fitness is a very important part of being a policeman . There are standards for fitness as well as other standards . Odum , you please remain for a few minutes ; everyone else , you may leave . " Oh , boy , I would love to have been a fly on that classroom wall . ( To be continued ) Posted by " Hey , pal ! What did you score ? Did you pass ? " He whispered . Wintermeyer had begun a lecture on use of the baton . He looked in our direction and stopped momentarily , giving Odum a chance to shut up voluntarily . " Mr . O ' Hanlon , I believe you might want to have your eyes facing the front of the room so you can see the demo and hear what I 'm telling the class . " I could feel my face burning as I turned back to face him and I replied , " Sorry , sir . I guess I just got distracted . It won 't happen again . " The military had taught me that one never places blame on another , but takes it on the chin oneself . " See that you don 't . This is an important lesson for everyone . " After several more minutes of lecture , he brought one of the men to the front to demonstrate proper use of the baton . It looked like a dangerous weapon as he demoed it . He then told us how it could be the difference between life and death when apprehending a suspect . He had each of us come up and he demonstrated individually , having us to then practice by twos , so he could observe . Sitting on the edge of his desk , he began to relate a story of how his partner a few years earlier had saved his life from a drug addict . " Having and being a good , dependable partner is better than any visible weapon a policeman has . I 'm going to assign partners to each of you . At first , you may not understand my reasoning in the assignments ; but I 'm hoping it will eventually prove to be a good choice on my part . " " You can check on the board in the morning when you come in . I need some time to think about the assignments . You are excused for lunch . Report back here in an hour , ready for more instruction . " As we left , I collared Bobby Joe . " Listen , Odum . You 're beginning to be like a gravel in my shoe . Irritating . Got it ? I 'm not in here for anything except to become a policeman . " " Why do you say that ? Who do you know that gives you that assurance ? I know the Captain doesn 't like you . I 've met men like you while I was in the Army . Your kind always drag down the ones you associate with . " " I need to go , Odum . See you later . " Walking away , I headed for the diner and Jackson Finley . I was going to do some investigating . Then I looked at the Captain . Was he going to say anything ? Was it possible the men were to be allowed to choose a partner ; was that the way it was done ? Odum struck a cocky attitude as he stepped forward to take the gun . He took the revolver and spun it on his finger as though he were a gunslinger . I waited for the Capt . to react with some kind of retribution ; there was none , except for the look of disgust that crossed his face , followed by an inner rage that was obvious , at least to me . Uh - oh ! I waited for an explosion that never came . Instead he spoke quietly . He had spoken quietly enough that only those standing very close to him could hear ; but both Odum and I had heard the steel in his voice . I knew I wouldn 't want to cross the Captain , under any circumstance . Odum took his three shots and I could see he would have a lot of practicing to do . He smiled and stood back , returning the revolver to the Captain . As the Captain reloaded , Odum stepped back into line beside me and clapped me on the back . " Hey , buddy , not bad , huh ? At least , not for a first time at a target . " He smiled at me . " Yeah , you ' n ' me , that 's how it 's gonna be from now on . " I wondered to myself just then if he was right . What was his pull with the Captain , anyway ? I 'd seen enough of that kind of favoritism in the military to know Odum was kin to somebody important or else he had something on Wintermeyer . Which was it , anyway ? Did it even matter to me who or what ? Deciding then and there to find out , without getting myself into hot water , I knew I would try . We finished the shooting practice and then went back inside , where we were instructed on the cleaning of a weapon and taught about the importance . While we had been outside , someone had come in and checked the tests we had taken . After looking them over , the Captain passed them to us . There were a few groans to be heard coming from some of the men . I heard Odum wadding up his test paper and realized he must have failed miserably . I wondered what effect it would have . ( To be continued ) Posted by I learned that the fella sitting behind me was named Bobby Joe Odum . The name meant nothing to me ; I had no idea as to whom he was connected , but somehow suspected it was to someone of importance . That information would come to me later on , I knew . We all headed outside and lined up as instructed . The Captain had sheathed the revolver again until we reached the outdoor range . It was a huge area , backed by a high fence to prevent anyone behind the shooting area from getting accidentally hit . It was amazing to find such a place inside a city limits ; but then this was the way it was . After we were lined up , the Captain once again removed his revolver and held it out in front of him , demonstrating the way to hold it with two hands to steady it , at eye level . Then he turned and fired at one of the targets , hitting it in dead center of the man 's head on the target , then in the area of the chest where the heart would be . As he replaced the bullets , he said , " That , men , would be overkill . One bullet should be all that is necessary . However , only use a bullet to kill if there is no other way out . We 're not in the business to kill criminals , just bring them to justice . " I heard one of the men snigger at his comment . What did he know that I didn 't ? I knew for one thing that Captain Wintermeyer was a dead - eye marksman , and wouldn 't be a person to get on the wrong side of . He looked as though he would brook no fools . I determined to listen carefully to everything he said and watch all he did . I figured whoever selected him to train men knew what they were doing . Wintermeyer called one of the men up near him and showed him how to hold the gun , how to turn and stand , finally how to bring the gun up to shoulder level and fire . The fellow almost hit the target . Good thing that fence was behind the target . He got two more tries ; then it was the next fellow 's turn . He had been practicing while watching the first one ; so he did a little bit better . " Okay , O ' Hanlon , get over here , let 's see how you do . " The Captain had reloaded the revolver . Handing the . 38 Special back to the Captain , I stepped back into line . He looked at me with new respect , as did the other men . " O ' Hanlon . . . where did you learn to shoot like that ? Were you in the military ? " " Yes , sir , four years . I served in Vietnam . My Grandda taught me nearly ten years ago how to hunt rabbits with an old . 22 . " Blogs are so much fun ! 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I wish I could tell you that Angela and I sat and talked that day ; but , alas , it was not to be , at least , not that day , anyway . As soon as the ball game had been played out , we all sat down on blankets we had brought with us , and after the leader , an older man of about 35 led the saying of grace , we ate . It was wonderful . I waited until Angela and her brother had spread their blanket , and then I spread ours close to hers . She turned away slightly and seemed to be intent on taking the food from their basket . Following the picnic , the leader of the group arose and taking out his Bible , began reading from Matthew . It was from the Sermon on the Mount . Odie looked over at me in irritated astonishment . " This is a religious meeting ? Why have you brought me to this ? " " Please , Odie , just listen to what Mr . Ruggles has to say . Haven 't you had a great time so far ? Has anybody been unkind to you ? " " I 'm going home ! You tricked me ! You know I don 't go in for this kinda stuff ! " " Just give it a chance , please ! Nobody 's going to embarrass you . I 'm your friend ! " He calmed down and began listening , reluctantly . However , he kept casting hurtful looks my way . Mr . Ruggles was a powerful speaker , and before Odie realized it , he was drawn into the story . By the time the story was over , Odie 's attitude had changed . It would take some time , but I knew Odie would eventually be won over . He had a good heart after all , and he was listening . It was beginning to grow dark when we left the riverside . The other guys and gals came up to us and told Odie how glad they were that he had come with me . Mr . Ruggles invited him to come to church the next Sunday . " We 'll see , " replied Odie . " Are you going to be there ? " We gathered up all our stuff , and left . " I guess I 'm glad you invited me , Zeeb . It was fun . It 's been a long time since I 've been around a lot of other people like that . In fact , when our parents died , I kind of lost touch with people . My sister is always on my case , fussin ' at me . " " Does she care about you ? " I asked , knowing the answer if he were truthful . " I reckon so , " he replied , kicking an empty drink can that was in our path . We would just have to wait and see who she went for : Odie or me . At the end of the next two weeks , we graduated from the police academy and were then ready to take to the streets with older , seasoned cops . I knew this would be my life 's work , serving and protecting the public . As for Angela and me , well , let 's just say it was an interesting time ahead of us . ( The end ) Posted by For several Sundays I had been meeting with this group of young people . I have not mentioned them before , but I had met them in church . It was a small church but quite active . They had welcomed me in and I felt as though I had truly come home when I was with them . I especially had my eyes on a lovely young girl named Angela Rae . She seemed to like me , too . Her chestnut hair was cut to frame an oval face ; her eyes were a soft brown almost the same color as her hair . I thought her name suited her ; when she spoke , it was a soft southern tone that reached my ears . Smitten was the word that would describe me and I knew without a doubt that she was meant to be mine . I had told no one about my feelings for Angela ; not realizing I didn 't have to even open my mouth for it to be obvious to others . Jackson had taken me to the church for a visit the first time I went . After I saw Angela , I knew that would be my church , for sure . Of course , the pastor was very good , as well . It took me two weeks to get up my nerve to speak to Angela . At first , I just nodded to her . She looked directly at me , then looked away , blushing . That captured my heart . I had seen lots of girls in my day , but seeing one almost as shy as I was , I knew she was the one for me . When I met Odie around three , I was carrying the picnic basket filled with goodies for the meeting . " Your Mama Nina sure knows how to fill a basket , " Odie said , lifting the lid and peeking inside . " Now you just keep your paws out a ' the food , " I chided him , jokingly . " Tell me something about these people we 're picnicking with today , " he demanded . " How do I know I 'll like them . . . better still , how do I know they 'll like me ? Not everybody does , you know . " " Oh , just be nice , and they can 't help but like you . You 're a great fella , once you stop being a jerk ! " I joked . I knew he was nervous , but I encouraged him to settle down and just be natural . I had realized that one reason he acted like such a jerk sometimes , was that he hadn 't had a man to teach him how to behave for several years siWhen we arrived at the riverside , we saw the other young people gathered and I noticed some of them had begun a game of softball . " Come on , Odie ; let me introduce you to some of the fellas . " Soon after the game began , I saw Angela Rae arrive with her brother , and I smiled in her direction . She saw me , I knew , but offered little recognition of the fact . Sooner or later , I would get her to speak to me . It was destiny . ( To be continued ) Posted by When we got back to the station , Captain Wintermeyer and the squad were in the process of booking the thugs we had taken down . We got to observe the whole process . Wintermeyer inquired about the absence of Bix . " He chose not to go with us ; since it was truly voluntary , we let him off the hook . He said his wife was worried when she was all alone at night . " Odie informed him . I pulled Odie to one side . " You think it 's going to be a black mark against Bix ? What do you reckon Frosty will do ? " I whispered as quietly as possible . " It sure won 't do his standing any good in the Captain 's eyes . He shouldn 't be a cop if he can 't be out at night . You know he 's not held down any job for long . Can you imagine having a wife who 's not behind you a hundred percent ? " " Well , it 's kind of hard to imagine having a wife to support , that you have to keep assuring you 're not going to be fired . Also , one that 's afraid all the time for her own safety . " " I heard they 're from a large city up north , where you have to live in fear for your life all the time . " Odie replied . He seemed to catch all the scuttlebutt floating around . " It 'll be interesting to see what happens on Monday when we go back to class ; we 'll see if Bix is still going to be one of us , or if he 'll be gone . " " No , not at present . " I smiled . " I do have a place I want to take you , though . I want you to meet some of my friends on Sunday afternoon that don 't have anything to do with police work . How about it ? " " They 're having a picnic down by the river . The weather is supposed to be getting nice , and I 'll have Mama Nina pack a basket for us . There 's some girls in the group . What do ya say ? " " They sure are ! Come on ! You 'll enjoy it ! We can forget all about classes and police work and just have a good time . Wear your casual clothes and meet me at Mama 's around three p . m . Okay ? " That night as I readied myself to go out , I was thinking about Bix and his situation . Was he just using his wife as an excuse ? Why had he encountered so many problems keeping a job ? Were there underlying issues he wasn 't dealing with ? I knew without a doubt , he was headed for failure once again . He 'd never make it as a cop unless he dealt with whatever was bothering him . He certainly has aroused my curiosity , that was for sure . It was dark that night , no moon and these fellas didn 't know the area as well as I had learned it , so they were going to be relying on my skills . I knew we could do it . We arrived near the alleyway where the three men always set up their business . " Okay , fellas . Can you all act drunk ? Instead of sneaking up on them , we 're gonna be singing like we are three sheets in the wind , looking for a good time , including the purchase of some drugs . " Odie remarked , " I sure can . I 've had a little experience at the real thing . " Some of the others nodded their agreement . " Say , what about you , straight - laced Zeeb ! You ain 't never been drunk in your life , I 'll bet . " This came from D . K . " Let 's just say , I know how a drunk behaves . I don 't have to explain why . Now come on fellas . Here we go . " We linked arms and began stumbling around and singing one of the latest rock songs . We were laughing and pushing each other around . " Hey , look there ! A fire ! You cold , D . K . ? " One of them came over to us . " You fellas need to warm up a little ? We don 't mind sharin ' our fire with ya . " All the while , he was patting our pockets in preparation for a little wallet lifting . He wasn 't going to find any though . I had already warned my friends not to carry any thing they didn 't want to possible lose . " Did I hear somebody say he was in the market for a rainbow ? Got some ' ludes , and red devils as well . Anything you want . You got some money ? " " Well , let 's see what cha got . You could just be sayin ' that to get our money , and give us nothing . " This came from Odie . I gave a prearranged signal and we took them down . Within seconds , all three were on the ground . I retrieved the pills which had fallen to the ground . They were evidence . Odie gave a loud whistle , and around the corner came a squad of policemen , led by Captain Wintermeyer , and they carted the three men off . " Good work , men ! " I commended them . " We did it ! We made our first arrest . Now , we need to go to the station and fill out some paperwork . That 's always part of the job ! " Needless to say , we were so energized , I doubt if we could have slept immediately after arriving back at our places of residence . Posted by All weekend , I worked in the diner , busing tables , cleaning floors , talking with Mama and Papa , the owners . They had much advice to offer me , and told me stories about how they had come to America as a young couple . They had worked hard and become successful in a small way ( according to them ) and were trying to give back in gratitude to the country that had become home to them . They lived very modest lives , but never turned away anyone who needed help . I admired them beyond measure , and came to love them like my own family back in Kentucky . I kept in touch with my family back home by calling them at least once a month or so . It seemed they were doing well , mostly . My brother , Les , was in school and keeping out of trouble as far as they knew ; my little sister , Marie , was growing more lovely by the day . My sister , Rose . . . well , they still didn 't speak of her . Rosie , the hothead , always leading with her temper , was no doubt in all kinds of hot water . One day , I knew I would have to hunt her down and set her straight , probably get her out of whatever mess she was no doubt in . Soon the third week of school began , and I was back at the academy every day , learning more about how to become a good policeman . I could see most of the others shaping up , but by this time three of the ten had washed out , so that left one without a partner . I felt for him , so I asked Frosty if he could join Odie and me . " Well , Zeeb , that is a bit unorthodox , but we are here to learn to co - operate with one another , so , yes , if he is willing and if Odie is , that would be acceptable . How about it , fellas , is that okay with both of you ? " Bixby , called Bix by all of us , readily agreed . " Well - l - l . . . okay , " laughed Odie . " He 's an okay guy . Ain 't his fault his partner got sent home , so sure . Welcome to our team , Bix , old boy . " Let me tell you a little about Bix . He was older than most of the recruits . He was around thirty and married . Most of the rest of us were just out of the army or high school , so not out of our early twenties , some our teens . Bix apparently had several jobs before the academy and seemed to have had a bit of bad luck in them . That would no doubt make anyone feel a bit down , but he seemed cheerful enough . I wondered what his difficulty had been in keeping a job . After our morning run , we came back in to take up some basic medical training , such as artificial respiration and basic first aid . We had a dummy person to practice artificial respiration and of course the usual jokes were made . A written test followed the morning 's instruction and then a performance test after that to see how well we had learned from it all . Following lunch , we had a test over everything that we had the first two weeks of school . It was a surprise to us all , and it 's purpose , I am sure , was to see if we were retaining what we had been instructed in . It was also another way to winnow out the chaff . When we came in the next day , we were down to six ; one more had washed out , so Bix left our team and joined another lone student , , D . K . , who had just lost his partner By this time , I believed that Frosty was satisfied with the competence and cohesiveness of our group . So , we were now three groups - Odie and me ; Bix and D . K . , Del and Ben . By the end of that week , we were all pretty close pals . We could almost smell the success of graduation from the academy ahead of us . I decided it was time to try the apprehension of the thugs again . This time I swore them to secrecy . Instead of calling a regular policeman in on it , though , we would take down the three ourselves . After all , it was six against three , and we were strong young men . We 'd make a citizen 's arrest and take them in . " Sorry , fellas , I can 't do it . I have a wife and two kids . We 're new in town and she worries about being alone at night . " This came from Bixby ( Bix ) . He spoke very apologetically . We all turned as one man and looked at him , amazed , unbelieving . " What are you going to do when you have night patrol , Bix ? " Odie asked him . " What 's she gonna do ? " That man had his head in the clouds , I thought . " Well , if you can 't tonight , you can 't . We can take care of it , I reckon , " I replied . " See you on Monday , then . " We all parted ways after we finalized our plans for later that night . I wondered how long Bix would be with us . ( to be continued ) Posted by " Well , now , I don 't know , O ' Hanlon . Your plan is a bit irregular . You say you believe these fellows are the ones who beat you and also who caused the death of Fin ? But , are you sure ? " " I know that they are peddling dope ; and I know they are the ones who beat me senseless , and I 'm relatively sure they are the ones who beat the Sarge . We had zeroed in on them before my academy classes began . I can take you to them . " " There 'll be five of us including you . We 'll all be in vagrant disguise to throw them off . You can have three pair of handcuffs and we 'll get them with the goods . We may even catch them beating up somebody . I know exactly where to find them . You 'll do it , then ? " " Sounds like fun ! It 's been awhile since I 've done anything like this . Thanks for thinking of me , Zeeb ! " I looked at him in surprise . . . my mouth hanging open . " You don 't realize how names get bandied about among the men here ? We all have our eyes on you academy kids ; watching to see what our next crop of men are going to be like and how capable . We know you and Odie are teamed up together , too . We 're watching that situation for sure . What time this evening ? " That afternoon , around four o ' clock , as the evening shift of policemen took over , I noticed Sgt . Johnson standing on the steps . He was talking to Hicks as I passed by the station on my way to the diner . Johnson smiled and nodded at me as I walked by . " What was that all about ? " I wondered . Then I dismissed it from my mind . I had a full afternoon of work at the diner to do , before I got off around ten . That would be followed by an hour of class study and another period of time spent in Bible study and preparing my mind for the night 's activity . When the evening 's work was over , and we closed the diner , I went home with my hosts , and immediately to my room . Somehow , I was finding it almost impossible to concentrate ; my mind was so filled with the night ahead 's activities . Then I took a deep breath and appealed to the Lord to calm my nerves and bring me inner peace for the task ahead . At eleven , I donned my disguise and smeared dirt all over my face and hands , as though preparing for battle . Fifteen minutes later , I headed out the door and locked the outer door behind me . I was on my way to meet my friends and take them to our quarry . We all gathered on the corner , and wandered along as though we hadn 't a care in the world . It was interesting to see what disguises my friends had come up with ; we certainly looked like a bunch of ne ' er - do - wells . After a bit of aimless wandering , we went to the place where I had seen the three men several times . Much to my dismay , no one was there . We began searching in earnest . " I don 't understand ! They 've been here every night I 've seen them . What has happened ? " My friends looked at one another , then back at me . " Looks like they 've disappeared , Zeeb ! Are you sure this is the place ? After all , a lot of these alleyways look the same . Let 's search around some more in some of the other streets . " Odie was sympathetic to my plight . We searched around for another hour , coming up empty . I looked at them and saw a few guilty faces , including the Lieutenant 's . " We got a leak somewhere , fellas . We 'll wait a while and then try it again . In the meantime , ' Mum 's the word ' , hear ? When you are on a secret mission , nobody except the people on the mission are to know . It 's a hard and fast rule . " I was disgusted . " Thanks , guys , for going out on this tonight . I appreciate your help . We won 't give up , will we ? " When class was over , I remained seated , waiting for the axe maybe to fall . Captain Wintermeyer , however , pulled over a chair to face me and sat down . " Son , I realize you 've lost a best friend and I know he would want you to succeed in becoming a policeman . He was one that could be depended on to do what was right . You may not know this , but he led me to know the Lord , just like he did you , but I was much older . You 've had your time of getting accustomed to his passing , now you need to buckle down and do your best . I 'm pulling for you , Zeeb . Oh , yeah , I know all about the nicknames , and that one will stick with you , believe me . I believe the new kids call me Frosty ; it 's an old name and will no likely continue . Do you have a place to stay ? I know you were living in Fin 's quarters . " " Yes , sir . I 've made arrangements with friends . Thank you , sir , for asking . As for knuckling down and working to pass the course , I will , sir . Thank you for understanding . You won 't need to remind me again . " " Very well , then , O ' Hanlon ! See that you do . I 'll see you back here in about 45 minutes ; and you 'd best be ready . " " Yes , sir . " He stood and we left together . Odie was waiting around outside for me , and we took off for the diner . When Frosty got out of earshot , Odie asked " What did he say ? Did he tell you to clear out and not come back ? Have you washed out ? " " No , " I smiled at Odie . " He told me to buckle down and get with the program or else I would be gone . That was it . He also paid a special personal tribute to my friend , Jackson Finley . That 's all . Now , let 's hurry and get to the diner . I 'm starving ! " After lunch , the class took up being instructed in how to make a proper apprehension and arrest without the use of a weapon . We role - played the action of a chase and apprehension . Wintermeyer had us set up barriers in the shooting range area for the role - playing . We took turns in two against one and one against one doing the chasing and being the chased . The Captain gave us some actual tricks that the fleeing criminal would use , but gave them only to the ones playing the criminal in order to make it more difficult . We soon realized that we really had to think about what we were doing , rather than depend on being more fit than the criminal . By the end of an hour 's worth of that practice , we were ready to come back inside and work on another chapter of the police manual . Each day , after we worked on the manual , we took a short exam over what we had learned ( or not learned ) on the day before . It gave us a chance to review the manual at home before we had the actual test on it . It was a good method . On the next Friday , an idea came to me . I was going to get the guys who beat up my friend , and see that they were brought to justice . I was sure it was the three who had beaten me . I would need help to do it , though , and I figured my friends would help me . ( To be continued ) Posted by I slept through the afternoon and all night , as though I had never slept before . My grief had overtaken me and left me bereft of my friend . When I awakened , I remembered anew that in this lifetime , I would never see my friend again . However , I knew that one day I would see him in the hereafter . That gave me strength to go on . Upon arising from my bed , I heard a knocking on the door . When I went to open it , I found a notice tacked to the frame . It was a note telling me that unless I could pay the rent on the place , I was to vacate it immediately . I knew I had to leave because I had no money to speak of . I decided that I would find employment for the time I wasn 't going to school at the academy . I certainly wasn 't getting paid for attending the school . I decided to ask Mama Nina if she knew of a place where I could work and perhaps stay until I was earning money as a policeman . It didn 't take me very long to pack up my belongings in the duffel bag ; I was soon on my way to the diner to talk to Mama Nina . They had closed the diner the day before in order to attend Jackson 's funeral services . It would have meant a lot to him to know how they had honored him by doing so . I carried the uniform carefully along with my duffel bag to the diner . Mama and Papa hugged me when I arrived and asked if they could do anything for me . I could see the concern and affection in their faces . " Well , since you ask , could you perhaps tell me where I can get a part time job and a place to live until I begin to earn money as a policeman ? I realize you all know a lot about the community and might have an idea for me . " Wiping her hands on her apron , she began speaking to me . " You know , Zebbie . . . we 've been needing someone to help out around here for awhile . Perhaps you could wash dishes and clear tables , perhaps sweep and mop , too , on your time off from school . We have a small room at our house that we can clear out so you will have a place to sleep . " " Are you sure ? I wouldn 't want to be any bother to you . " It really humbled me to realize how kind they were being to me . They didn 't have to do what they were offering to me , but I knew they meant it and it would have been churlish of me to turn up my nose at their offer . " Thank you , Mama and Papa . I appreciate your offer and I accept . " " Okay , Zebbie , you may begin after your classes at the academy today . We 'll expect to see you around four o ' clock this afternoon . " I hugged them both . It was a real comfort to feel their arms around my waist . " You might as well leave your duffel bag and we can stow it in the back somewhere until we all go home tonight . " I left with my heart singing their praises . Bobby Joe Odum greeted me at the door to the academy . " Hey , buddy ! How are you doing today ? Are you ready to begin our run this morning ? We had an assignment to turn in today that you missed yesterday afternoon . Do you reckon Frosty will penalize you ? " I hit my forehead , feeling like I was days behind instead of just one day ; I hadn 't gotten the assignment , because I had gone home right after the funeral instead of returning to the academy . I would need to talk to the Captain to see about making it up . Pretty soon all ten students were present and we ran the laps before settling down for the day 's work . " O ' Hanlon , if you would remain a few minutes after class this noon , we need to discuss a few matters . " Captain Wintermeyer spoke quietly to me . " Yes , sir . " I hoped the ax wasn 't getting ready to fall . That morning we had some more practice with shooting and the use of the baton . We cleaned guns and then reviewed a chapter in the manual about the use of excessive force in making arrests . We seemed to be taking small bites in our training . I was pleased to see that Odie ( his nickname ) was settling down and less obnoxious in his behavior . My nickname among the other students became Zeeb . It seemed everyone eventually received a nickname . Over the next few days , arrangements were made for last rites of my friend . His children were informed of his passing , and I finally got to meet them . When we met , I told them what a wonderful friend Jackson had been to all those who knew him , and how much he meant to me . They asked me to speak at his funeral , since I had such a first hand knowledge of his recent activities and I had been so influenced by him . At the service , I looked out over the sea of blue uniforms , and felt a sense of coming home . I would soon belong to that brotherhood , just as I belonged to a brotherhood of believers in Christ . Not as important as the brotherhood of Christ , but it would be a partnership , nevertheless . " Eleven years ago , I was just a boy , still wet behind the ears when I met Jackson Finley . I 'm honored to be able to speak on this important day on his behalf . It was Sergeant Finley who came to my home to tell me about my Da being found beaten to death . I had met him earlier when he came with others to look for my Da after he had been in a fight and killed someone . Jackson gave me my first Testament and also my first lesson in self - defense . He was the first to invite me to ask Jesus into my heart . Later on , he kept me from straying into a life of crime . Then my family left the town where he was and I lost track of him . I never forgot him , and when I left the armed services , I went looking for him . I just found him a few weeks ago , and was elated . Once again , he helped me . The pastor got up and preached a short sermon from John 14 . Everyone then arose from their seats , the family passed by the coffin once more , and everyone filed out . I had been chosen to be one of the pallbearers and loaned a uniform to wear . Taking my place with the others , I stood nearby while the casket was closed . Then we carried my friend out to the hearse . Within minutes , the whole cortege was at the cemetery and we once again carried my friend 's remains , this time stopping at the burial site . As we carried his remains , the bagpipes sounded their mournful song , " Going Home - The Fallen Soldier " . That was the first , but not the last , time that I heard the pipes on that tune . It brings shivers to my frame even now . Following the pipes , a twenty - one gun salute was given . The graveside service was short . I spoke to his children and their families once more , then it was all over . Later on , I happened to reflect that I had not seen his sister or her husband at the services . Perhaps her husband 's illness prevented her coming . As often happens , all the policemen congregated later at the bar in the local pub to drink to Jackson 's memory . I went , but chose not to drink ; I could not forget what drink had done to destroy my family . I didn 't believe Jackson would feel honored to have them drinking in his memory anyway . I went back to the place Jackson and I had shared . I wondered if I would be able to continue staying there ; and figured , ' probably not . ' Removing the uniform and hanging it up carefully , I crawled into bed and went to sleep . ( To be continued ) Posted by The next few days passed uneventfully . I was no longer going out at night with ' Krispy ' , but getting sleep that I needed for attending academy classes . Friday morning came and when I awakened , ' Krispy ' was not home as he usually was . I was not awfully alarmed , since I was not his keeper , but I was a bit concerned at a change in routine . Getting up and ready to leave , I continued to wonder what was keeping my friend . Deciding to go to the station house to see if he was there , I hurried , praying all the while . I kept remembering the apparent pain in his side that he had been trying to play down . Feeling a dread wash over me , I walked numbly to the office , and at once sat down . My legs seemed not to be able to hold up my body . Somehow , my mind knew what was coming . " I 'm sorry to tell you this , Zeb . As you probably know , Jackson Finley has not been a well man for some time , not since he took the bullets a few years ago . The fire was also detrimental to his health as well . He was stopping the beating of a homeless person while ago and his heart gave out on him . The coroner suspects the bullet shrapnel had reached his heart and finally took his life . " By this time , I was sobbing unashamedly . What was I going to do without my good friend , now that I had found him . My loss seemed to have doubled , and my pain seemed greater than I could bear . I arose and stumbled from the room , feeling more alone than ever before . " How could this have happened ? " I asked myself , then fell to my knees , asking God . " Why ? Why did you do this ? I don 't understand ? " One of the men helped me to my feet and I stumbled out of the station , not having any destination in mind . I had never felt so alone . Now what ? For the next hour , I wandered aimlessly , then looked up and saw the steeple of a church . On top of the steeple was a cross . There on the sidewalk , I fell to my knees once again , hit anew with the realization of what the cross stood for . The Sacrifice made for all mankind . I still felt the loss of my friend , but the cross put it into perspective . He would not want me questioning God for taking him , but to praise God that my friend was now at home with our Savior . I sent up a prayer of thanks to Him . But I was going to miss my friend . I knew Jackson , ' Krispy ' Finley would want me to go back to the station and see what I could do . I knew he had children that had to be notified , and I had an academy instructor that I needed to square things away with . Next morning when I arrived at the academy , everyone else was already there , gathered around the bulletin board . It didn 't take long for us to see who we were partnered with . My hunch had been correct ; my partner for the duration of the school was Odum . However , his manner was more in keeping with that of a person who had been sorely chastised , at least verbally . He reached out and shook my hand . The captain did sometimes appear quite ' frosty ' . " You 'd better not let him hear you identify him in that manner , " I whispered . " Ah , that 's his nickname around the station , didn 't you know ? It 's a natural ! " " He chew you out yesterday ? " " Nah . They died in a car wreck when I was just thirteen . My sister has been in charge ' a me since then ; ha , she tried to be , that is . Always ' a bossin ' me around . ' Don 't do that , Bobby ! You 'll get inta trouble , Bobby ! ' Yak , yak , yak ! " " Hmm . I see . How about if I just be your friend . I promise not to say anything unless I see you doing something that will cause danger or harm to someone , you included . " " Say , that 'd be cool ! I promise to guard your back as well , like real partners . " " One more question ; are you a Christian , Bobby ? " " Nah ! I don 't believe in all that Jesus baloney ! My sister tried to drag me to church all the time . Don 't tell me you 're one ' a them ? " " Yep ! I sure am . I 'm gonna be praying for you big time , partner , and I 'm not gonna let up on telling you about Him and what He 's done for me . You 're gonna find how important God is in the days and years to come , if you live long enough . Just you wait and see . Now , here comes the boss . " " Okay , men , let 's do some stretches and get ready to run . Next time , you better be doing your stretches before I get here . Got it ? " " Yes , sir ! " we shouted . Real classes at the academy had just begun . When I went to lunch that day , I took Odum with me to Mama Nina 's . " Who is this young man , Zebbie ? " Mama asked me . " This is my partner at the academy . Bobby Joe Odum , meet Mama Nina . Mama Nina , Bobby Joe . We 've been paired up for the next four weeks . " " He 's my friend from many years ago , when I lived in Pennsylvania . It 's a long story . Oh , here he comes now . " " Hey , Jackson , meet Bobby Joe Odum , my new partner ! " I smiled at Jackson . " Glad to meet you , Bobby . I think I may have seen you a few times around the station house and all . " Jackson reached out his hand and grabbed Bobby 's hand . I didn 't know until later about the kind of attention Odum had paid to Jackson around the station house . It seemed he had been a ringleader in casting aspersions on Jackson 's character , simply because of his choice of marriage partner . We ate lunch in an air of companionship . I noticed once again that my old friend was holding his side . I was going to speak to him in private as soon as possible . " Listen , Odum ; let 's get one thing straight , here and now ! Jackson Finley is a good man , honest and true . I don 't ever want you to speak unkindly of or to him again . Understand ? " I felt someone clap me on the shoulder and turned around to see Jackson smiling at me . " Hungry , huh ? So , tell me , how did your first morning go ? Who 's the instructor ? " " A Captain Wintermeyer is . We have ten students , including me . One of them , I want to ask you about . His name is Bobby Joe . . . " " Odum ! " We both said simultaneously . " Oh ! You know him ? Who is he , anyway ? " " Did you notice , when I introduced you to Captain Shannon in his office , and that young woman with the baby came in , how much younger she is than the Captain ? Yet , she is his wife . " Speaking in a very low voice , Jackson replied , " It so happens she is his second wife . His first wife passed away about three years ago . The Captain met this one when her brother was brought in on a drunk and disorderly misdemeanor . Somehow , she decided to appeal his case to the Captain , over the arresting officer 's head . She wanted the brother 's record expunged , because she wanted it not to follow him around . It seems that she really appealed to the Captain in such a winning way that about ten months later , we all got an invite to their wedding . " I slapped my forehead . " Oh , man ! Of course ! No wonder Wintermeyer defers to him somewhat . I knew Odious wasn 't kidding when he said he ' knew someone ' . I just didn 't realize how high it went . Poor Wintermeyer ; well , I 'll bet he 's not going to take as much guff as Bobby Joe thinks he will . " As we stood up , I noticed Jackson rub his left side . When I started to say something about it , he waved my question away with a shaking of the head and smiled . We soon left and were back on the way to our respective places . The afternoon was filled with our learning more about use of the baton , as we practiced . The last hour was spent learning to safely load and unload a shotgun . " Men , come prepared to do some running in the morning . Fitness is a very important part of being a policeman . There are standards for fitness as well as other standards . Odum , you please remain for a few minutes ; everyone else , you may leave . " Oh , boy , I would love to have been a fly on that classroom wall . ( To be continued ) Posted by " Hey , pal ! What did you score ? Did you pass ? " He whispered . Wintermeyer had begun a lecture on use of the baton . He looked in our direction and stopped momentarily , giving Odum a chance to shut up voluntarily . " Mr . O ' Hanlon , I believe you might want to have your eyes facing the front of the room so you can see the demo and hear what I 'm telling the class . " I could feel my face burning as I turned back to face him and I replied , " Sorry , sir . I guess I just got distracted . It won 't happen again . " The military had taught me that one never places blame on another , but takes it on the chin oneself . " See that you don 't . This is an important lesson for everyone . " After several more minutes of lecture , he brought one of the men to the front to demonstrate proper use of the baton . It looked like a dangerous weapon as he demoed it . He then told us how it could be the difference between life and death when apprehending a suspect . He had each of us come up and he demonstrated individually , having us to then practice by twos , so he could observe . Sitting on the edge of his desk , he began to relate a story of how his partner a few years earlier had saved his life from a drug addict . " Having and being a good , dependable partner is better than any visible weapon a policeman has . I 'm going to assign partners to each of you . At first , you may not understand my reasoning in the assignments ; but I 'm hoping it will eventually prove to be a good choice on my part . " " You can check on the board in the morning when you come in . I need some time to think about the assignments . You are excused for lunch . Report back here in an hour , ready for more instruction . " As we left , I collared Bobby Joe . " Listen , Odum . You 're beginning to be like a gravel in my shoe . Irritating . Got it ? I 'm not in here for anything except to become a policeman . " " Why do you say that ? Who do you know that gives you that assurance ? I know the Captain doesn 't like you . I 've met men like you while I was in the Army . Your kind always drag down the ones you associate with . " " I need to go , Odum . See you later . " Walking away , I headed for the diner and Jackson Finley . I was going to do some investigating . Then I looked at the Captain . Was he going to say anything ? Was it possible the men were to be allowed to choose a partner ; was that the way it was done ? Odum struck a cocky attitude as he stepped forward to take the gun . He took the revolver and spun it on his finger as though he were a gunslinger . I waited for the Capt . to react with some kind of retribution ; there was none , except for the look of disgust that crossed his face , followed by an inner rage that was obvious , at least to me . Uh - oh ! I waited for an explosion that never came . Instead he spoke quietly . He had spoken quietly enough that only those standing very close to him could hear ; but both Odum and I had heard the steel in his voice . I knew I wouldn 't want to cross the Captain , under any circumstance . Odum took his three shots and I could see he would have a lot of practicing to do . He smiled and stood back , returning the revolver to the Captain . As the Captain reloaded , Odum stepped back into line beside me and clapped me on the back . " Hey , buddy , not bad , huh ? At least , not for a first time at a target . " He smiled at me . " Yeah , you ' n ' me , that 's how it 's gonna be from now on . " I wondered to myself just then if he was right . What was his pull with the Captain , anyway ? I 'd seen enough of that kind of favoritism in the military to know Odum was kin to somebody important or else he had something on Wintermeyer . Which was it , anyway ? Did it even matter to me who or what ? Deciding then and there to find out , without getting myself into hot water , I knew I would try . We finished the shooting practice and then went back inside , where we were instructed on the cleaning of a weapon and taught about the importance . While we had been outside , someone had come in and checked the tests we had taken . After looking them over , the Captain passed them to us . There were a few groans to be heard coming from some of the men . I heard Odum wadding up his test paper and realized he must have failed miserably . I wondered what effect it would have . ( To be continued ) Posted by I learned that the fella sitting behind me was named Bobby Joe Odum . The name meant nothing to me ; I had no idea as to whom he was connected , but somehow suspected it was to someone of importance . That information would come to me later on , I knew . We all headed outside and lined up as instructed . The Captain had sheathed the revolver again until we reached the outdoor range . It was a huge area , backed by a high fence to prevent anyone behind the shooting area from getting accidentally hit . It was amazing to find such a place inside a city limits ; but then this was the way it was . After we were lined up , the Captain once again removed his revolver and held it out in front of him , demonstrating the way to hold it with two hands to steady it , at eye level . Then he turned and fired at one of the targets , hitting it in dead center of the man 's head on the target , then in the area of the chest where the heart would be . As he replaced the bullets , he said , " That , men , would be overkill . One bullet should be all that is necessary . However , only use a bullet to kill if there is no other way out . We 're not in the business to kill criminals , just bring them to justice . " I heard one of the men snigger at his comment . What did he know that I didn 't ? I knew for one thing that Captain Wintermeyer was a dead - eye marksman , and wouldn 't be a person to get on the wrong side of . He looked as though he would brook no fools . I determined to listen carefully to everything he said and watch all he did . I figured whoever selected him to train men knew what they were doing . Wintermeyer called one of the men up near him and showed him how to hold the gun , how to turn and stand , finally how to bring the gun up to shoulder level and fire . The fellow almost hit the target . Good thing that fence was behind the target . He got two more tries ; then it was the next fellow 's turn . He had been practicing while watching the first one ; so he did a little bit better . " Okay , O ' Hanlon , get over here , let 's see how you do . " The Captain had reloaded the revolver . Handing the . 38 Special back to the Captain , I stepped back into line . He looked at me with new respect , as did the other men . " O ' Hanlon . . . where did you learn to shoot like that ? Were you in the military ? " " Yes , sir , four years . I served in Vietnam . My Grandda taught me nearly ten years ago how to hunt rabbits with an old . 22 . " Blogs are so much fun ! 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In past years , a goat has given birth twice when I was speaking at the InHome homeschooling conference in the Chicago suburbs . So , I totally expected Cicada to follow suit , because the conference was on day 150 of her pregnancy . But just when I start to think I have all the answers , things go a little differently . At 6 : 30 Saturday morning , I was still snuggly in bed and ignoring the bleating of the goats over the baby monitor , because they always talk to Katherine when she goes out there to milk and do chores . Then I heard Katherine scream over the baby monitor , " She 's pushing ! " I started to get up , then stopped and said to Mike , " She can handle it . " I really wanted to sleep another hour before heading out to the conference . There was more bleating , Cicada screaming , and Katherine screaming . Mike asked , " Did she say it 's stuck ? " I wasn 't sure . The words were fuzzy , but Katherine 's tone was definitely frustrated . I was not going to be getting another hour of sleep . By the time I got outside , Katherine was drying off the kid , and Cicada looked happy . Katherine was wondering what took us so long . Apparently the kid was stuck . The front legs were coming out farther and farther , but the nose was not budging . When Katherine started to pull on the kid 's legs to help , she pulled Cicada across the straw , but the kid still didn 't budge . Within a minute or so , she did get the kid out . It was pretty big , and in any year prior to this year , I would have said huge , but 4 . 5 pounds isn 't much compared to the 5 + pounders that we 'd had in the last month . And that was it . A single buckling - - our only single kid all year - - and it came from a second freshener who had triplets last year . Apparently Sherri and Cicada didn 't get any of the water ( or whatever ) that was causing all of the multiple births with the rest of the goats . Hopefully this is the end of the 2011 kidding season . There is the possibility that Eleanor is pregnant , because she invited herself into her half - brother 's pen a couple months ago . I 've marked the calendar for May 25 , so we 'll see if she starts to develop an udder . But for now , I 'm going to assume that we 're done . I 'll write up a recap within a day or two in case you lost track of everything . With the 2011 kidding season progressing so oddly , one could say that I started to get a bit paranoid . Before Katherine left for school on Wednesday , she told me that Sherri 's tail ligaments were gone , so I figured she would be going into labor soon . When I hadn 't heard anything by 10 : 30 , I decided to head out to the barn and check on her . Well , it was obvious she was in labor , although she was not making a sound . Although Sherri is eight years old , I have never actually seen her in labor . If it were almost any other goat , I would not have been worried , but from my perspective , Sherri 's labors have always been measured in negative numbers . How is that possible ? Well , normally I 'm in the house and hear a scream over the monitor . I go running to the barn to find Sherri licking her first kid and pushing out the second one . But nothing went normally this year , and maybe if I weren 't so worried , I would have been happy to stay in the house until I heard Sherri scream . But , no , I had to go out there to check on her . And I saw her pushing - - quietly - - for an hour . I tried to remain calm and convince myself that if something were wrong , she would not be quiet . I flipped through a seed catalog while sitting in the straw and watching her . Then I heard that familiar scream . When I looked at her back end , there was a hoof and a nose . " So , this is how you do it , eh , Sherri ? " A few more pushes , and the kid was born . It was a huge buck kid - - and I really mean huge . A few minutes later , and another kid was born . Then Sherri stood up , acting like she was done . But she couldn 't be done , could she ? She has always had three or four kids every year , ever since she was a yearling . In this crazy year of multiple births , could she really only have two kids ? Yes , apparently she could . After I weighed them , I realized that the two of them weighed as much as three or four normal kids . One was 4 . 7 pounds , and the other was 5 . 5 pounds ! Sunday night , I had a visitor who was looking at Scandal 's kids , but when she saw Annie , she thought she might like a kid out of her . When Annie turned her back to us , there was a thin string of mucous hanging down . The emphasis here is on the word " thin " because when I see a thick gooey string of mucous , it usually means kids within a couple hours . Nearly 24 hours later , Annie was in hard labor . She quickly gave birth to three kids - - a doe first , followed by two bucks . Katherine came into the barn about ten minutes later , and we were chatting when Annie plopped down and pushed a little . We figured it was the placenta . But then she stood up and seemed perfectly happy again . About twenty minutes later , she pawed at the ground , then laid down without paying attention to where her babies were standing or lying , and Katherine grabbed the little doeling just as Annie was about to lay on her . Then Annie let out a yell , and we briefly considered the possibility of a fourth kid , but then a bubble appeared , and we chuckled about how she was trying to fool us just like Scandal had done a few days earlier . A moment later , Annie screamed again , and as another bubble started to emerge , I saw something black inside it . In case you 've lost count , this is our sixth set of quadruplets this year . On average , we have one set of quads a year . And we had our first set of quints this year . This is more than a little crazy ! Thursday , I was headed out to the barn , and I happened to look down the hill into the pasture . Bridget the Irish dexter heifer had her back arched , her tail extended a bit , and it looked like there was something sticking out from under her tail . I went back into the house and told Mike that it looked like Bridget might be ready to have her calf . Unlike goats , which give birth very quickly after you see any part of a kid , cows take forever . At least it feels like forever when you 're accustomed to goats giving birth . When Mike and I got to the bottom of the hill , we could see a hoof sticking out , but we had no idea if she had just started or if she had already been at this for awhile . Not wanting to miss anything , Mike and I followed her around for an hour and fifteen minutes . Still seeing nothing but a hoof , Mike decided to go across the pasture and work on the fence . It was getting close to evening chore time , so I went up to the barn to start chores . I came back fifteen minutes later , and I could see a nose . Progress ! Now , with each push , I could see a little more of the nose , and finally , eyes , ears , and a whole head ! When Bridget had the calf pushed out to its chest , the calf spewed a couple cups of liquid from its nose and mouth . I know all animals have fluid in their airway when they 're born , but it 's shocking to see so much of it spew from a baby . The only reason you don 't see the same thing with goats is because their lungs are smaller than a thimble , compared to a calf , whose lungs are the size of a small loaf of bread . A moment later , more liquid spewed from the calf 's nose and mouth , and Bridget stood up with the calf dangling from her back end . It all looked so violent , I had to keep reminding myself that it was okay . Hanging him upside down like that meant that all that fluid could drain out of his airway . And then plop ! One more push , and he fell to the ground . Bridget immediately turned around and started to clean him up . After learning that we had yet another bull calf , Mike and I went off to do chores while Bridget finished cleaning him up . Then Mike told me it was supposed to rain in an hour or two . Bridget had given birth as far from the shelter as possible , and there was no way that the newborn calf could walk that far , even if Bridget went , which she wouldn 't because she doesn 't care about rain . I told Mike I would never get any sleep that night unless I knew the calf was safe and dry in the barn . I think this calf is also polled . At least I don 't feel any horn buds yet , so odds are good . He is also very sweet and friendly , always coming up to me in the barn and rubbing against me . Unfortunately , it is not a slam dunk that these little guys will be sold as bulls , even though polled bulls are in demand . A few years ago , a genetic condition called PHA in was discovered in Irish dexters . I made a point of buying a PHA - negative bull , and if these boys are PHA positive , they should become Stew and Chuck . I 'm going to get the cows tested , so I 'll know in the future if I have anything to worry about , and I 'll also get the two boys tested as soon as possible , so the mystery will be over . PHA is a lethal gene , so if a calf gets the gene from both parents , it will abort at some point in pregnancy or be stillborn . Both of the calves are so friendly , they 'd make lovely herdsires but the easiest way to overcome this condition is to eliminate the carriers in the breed , and because bulls can have so many calves compared to cows , the standards are pretty tough for them . In previous years , I would have only been starting seeds in my basement in March , but this year , I 'm already weeding , watering , and harvesting ! Back in December , I first told you about our winter garden . We continued to enjoy fresh salad for a few more weeks after I wrote that post , but towards the end of December , I realized that I had not planted enough to last us all winter . However , because I wanted to know how this worked , I decided that I should leave everything in the garden rather than continuing to harvest . And I am excited to report that it worked great ! The low tunnels even survived the Blizzard of 2011 . Earlier this week , I opened up the low tunnels to see how everything had survived . Salads greens were thriving . But the most exciting thing was that the cole crops , which were only tiny transplants in September , were now quite large , and there was actually broccoli ready to harvest ! My favorite thing about winter gardening is that there no pests ! I 've tried putting cole crops in the garden in spring and in fall , and the bugs just eats the poor things until the outer leaves look like lace . The broccoli , Brussels sprouts , and cabbages are absolutely pristine . We are already making plans for next winter 's low tunnels . We will definitely have more , but rather than mixing up lettuces and cole crops in each tunnel , I will plant each tunnel based upon when the crop will be harvested . This year , I mixed up three of the low tunnels , although I did plant the northernmost tunnel with cole crops and lettuce seeds that I didn 't plan to harvest until now , so I never opened that one all winter . The cole crops in that one are huge compared to the cole crops in the tunnels from which I harvested through December . Coincidence ? Perhaps , but it also makes it easier to harvest from the beds during the winter if I don 't have to work around the cole crops . I am also hoping that we can put up a high tunnel so that I won 't be on my hands and knees in the snow harvesting in the middle of winter . For the past four weeks , our house has been in a bit of disarray . On days when the temperatures get above freezing , the stove has been covered with pots of boiling maple sap . There is a sheet hanging in the doorway between the kitchen and dining room that reminds me daily that we should have put a pocket door in there when we built the house . Although the window is usually wide open , and the door is cracked in the kitchen , it is usually the hottest room in the house - - and the most humid - - hence the sheet in the doorway . I didn 't even try making maple syrup until a year ago because I had heard that it would steam up your house and could even cause wallpaper to come unglued and fall down . We haven 't lost any wallpaper , but if I ever decide I want to get rid of any , I know how to do it now . It is not an exaggeration to say that it creates a lot of humidity . It boils down from about 35 to 45 quarts of sap to a single quart of syrup . Although some books say it takes less sap , this is how much sap we have to boil down to get a quart of syrup . So , for every quart of syrup we make , we put nine or ten gallons of water into the air . Last year , the sap didn 't start to run until early March . This year , it started in mid - February , only about a week after the biggest blizzard in decades . The sap runs when the temperatures start to go above freezing during the day , while still dipping below freezing overnight . Sap season has lasted about twice as long as last year , and we have quite a bit more syrup - - ten and a half quarts last year , and more than four gallons this year . The sap is barely dripping today , and based on the forecast , I think our maple syrup days are gone until 2012 . It 's a bittersweet good - bye though . Of course , I would love to get more maple syrup , but at the same time , it will be nice to have full use of the kitchen again . And I won 't miss that sheet in the doorway . The seasonality of maple sugaring is what makes it tolerable . I wouldn 't want to do this every day , but for a few weeks every spring , a bit of inconvenience seems a small price to pay for the most delicious sweetener on the homestead . Saturday morning dawned cloudy and cold . When I checked on Scandal , I knew she would kid before too long because I couldn 't find her tail ligaments , and her udder looked full . I put her into a clean kidding pen and came back into the house . Each time I checked on her , she was quiet and calm . The thing you have to know about Scandal , however , is that she definitely falls into the category of " easy kidders . " The first year she gave birth here , it was quite the experience . It was our third kidding season , and we knew just enough to be dangerous . Katherine and I realized she was in labor , but it was quite early in the morning . I confidently said , " Well , Katherine , there 's no reason for both of us to be out here . You go have breakfast . She 's obviously not going to do anything very soon . " So , Katherine went back into the house , and I sat down with Scandal - - without any towels or anything , because obviously she was not going to kid anytime soon , right ? She was making a few little " maa , maa " sounds , but they certainly did not sound serious . About ten minutes after Katherine had gone inside , Scandal stood in front of me , looked me squarely in the eyes , and said , " maa - aaa " a bit more seriously than previously . " That sounds like you might have actually made some progress , " I said knowingly , thinking that perhaps I would see a bit of mucous when I crawled around to look at her back end . Did I see a bit of mucous ? Yep - - and a whole head hanging out ! Then she proceeded to quickly birth four kids , while I attempted to clean off their noses with my bare hands and no towels . That was a great lesson learned ! So , back to last Saturday - - I was on the computer when I heard several short bleats that sounded like Scandal was giving birth . I ran upstairs to get the towels out of the dryer , because Jonathan had used all seven of our goat towels to clean off Anne 's kids the day before . By the time I reached the barn , Scandal had already cleaned off the first kid - - a doeling . Within a couple minutes , she gave birth to the second one - - a tiny breech doe . Then she started screaming in a different voice with her ears back . Katherine and I looked at each other . We agreed it was not good . Katherine looked under Scandal 's tail and said , " I see an ear . " Definitely not good ! Kids are supposed to come out nose first when the head is presenting . If the top of the head is presenting , the kid is much wider and more difficult to push out . Thinking that we might have to push the kid back in and grab the nose , I jumped up to get gloves . Then Katherine said , " Oh ! Got it ! " In spite of the larger circumference of the kid , Scandal had pushed it out all by herself - - and it was another doe ! As we dried it off , Scandal didn 't take much of a break at all as she proceeded to push out a fourth kid - - another doe ! Four does ! And then Scandal continued pushing . Katherine was sitting near Scandal 's back end and said , " It 's another bubble . " " What ? She can 't be having quints ! No one has two sets of quints in a single year ! " And then Scandal pushed out three bubbles the size of oranges . No , it wasn 't quints . It was just the beginning of the end of her labor - - membranes that were attached to the placenta . It really was not very nice of her to scare me like that . I was practically hyperventilating when I thought she was about to have five . But four does is quite an achievement , so I 'm certainly not complaining . I 'll be keeping one of these because Scandal is 8 years old now . In addition to being a finished champion in two different registries , she also has a milk star , and she has the highest butterfat in our herd . Although we have a lot of goats that can produce more milk , Scandal can produce as many pounds of butterfat in two or three less months than goats who can produce fifty percent more fluid milk . And because we make cheese , we love the high butterfat . None of the other goats are due until this weekend , but we are still waiting on Bridget the cow . Mike and the two - legged kids are on spring break this week , which means we will be getting a lot done , so you will get to hear about more than just goats this week . We have some amazing temperatures forecast in a few days , so hopefully we can get started in the garden . At sundown Friday , Mike came into the barn to tell Katherine and I that Molly had given birth in the far pasture . Of course , we had to go running out there to see what was up . Mike was alerted to the whole situation by the fact that Molly was mooing non - stop . When we got out there , a little calf was wobbling around and Molly was running around and around him mooing . The neighbor 's dogs , which are housed in a small pen next to our property line , were barking and howling continuously , which is probably what was freaking her out . She also kept pushing the calf - - probably to a place where she thought he would be safer . I told Katherine to get a towel and a pan of alfalfa cubes , so we could dry the calf , which was shivering , and then encourage Molly to follow us to the barn . While we waited , I walked up to the calf and felt under its belly to discern whether it was a bull or a heifer . " It 's a boy , " I told Mike . When Katherine got back , Molly was very happy to follow us with the alfalfa cubes , and Mike wrapped the towel around the calf and picked it up . When we arrived at the barn , Mike put the calf on the ground and went to open the barn door , and that 's when everything got a little crazy . Our guard dog came trotting up to say hi , and Molly charged at him , smacking him with her head . He growled at her , and I yelled at him . He backed off with his tail between his legs , but Molly really went into maternal - protection mode and started pushing and tossing the calf , who went flying into the water trough head first ! Katherine lunged towards the calf to pull him out of the trough , and Molly charged at Katherine . Thank goodness she is polled - - meaning she has no horns - - or Katherine would still be in the ICU , because Molly hit her right in the chest . Mike scooped up the dripping - wet calf and hurried into the barn , while I offered Molly alfalfa cubes by hand to encourage her to follow me . After we put them in the barn together , Molly kept pushing the calf . It is only a ten - foot wide stall , so after a couple of pushes , she was pushing him against the wall . I had to keep reminding myself that this is a calf , which is a lot tougher than a tiny goat kid , and Molly is only trying to protect him from the dogs , which were still barking and howling . I gave her several flakes of alfalfa , hoping that would take her mind off the calf . It worked - - somewhat . As we continued doing chores , we kept hearing banging sounds coming from the stall , but every time we looked in there , the calf seemed to be fine . Saturday morning he was running around , and Molly had calmed down considerably . Today , the little calf was coming up to us when we walked in the stall , and Molly let Katherine handle her udder . We 'll start milking her in a few days . We don 't have a name for the calf yet . There is a 75 percent chance he is polled , because both of his parents are polled , and a lot of people would probably love to have a red polled bull - - and after hearing about Molly and Katherine 's altercation , you can understand why most people don 't want a horned bull . If he 's not polled , he might become beef , so a name like Chuck or Stew would be most appropriate . Yesterday , I went to the little city to see the chiropractor and massage therapist . When the chiropractor asked me how I was doing , I said it would just be simpler to tell him what doesn 't hurt - - my left wrist and elbow were feeling great . Every other muscle and joint in my body was in pain . He chuckled . Anne 's cream buckBefore leaving home , I told Jonathan that Anne would probably kid before I returned . The baby monitor was on in the house , and he had strict instructions to check on her regularly if he was running maple sap . At 1 : 10 , my cell phone rang . " The goat finally had a kid , and she 's pushing out the second one now . " " Awesome ! Well , you better keep catching and drying ! " " Where are you ? " " Bloomington , " was all I needed to say . He knew that was at least an hour away , so it was all up to him . He 's 20 now , and he 's been watching and helping with goat births since he was 12 , but he is not an animal person , so if someone else is available , he 'd be perfectly happy to let someone else take care of everything when an animal is giving birth . Anne 's white doeling and buckling ( and my knees ) Half an hour later , he called back to let us know that she 'd given birth to three - - two bucks and a doe - - and the placenta parts were hanging out , so he figured she was done . Like all the goats in the Sherri line ( Anne 's dam ) , these kids are super friendly . When I was taking pictures today , they all kept crawling into my lap and sniffing me . It is so hard not to keep them all . I really love white goats , and the little doe is white . Isn 't she cute ! Vera 's doeling It took us a few days to get out of the woods with Coco 's two bucklings , and then I tried to catch my breath and got eight hours of sleep for a couple of nights . In the midst of all the kidding , we were continuing to make maple syrup on the days when the sap ran . And that was somewhat disastrous at times . We boiled down the sap to nothing but black charcoal on three separate occasions . My big canning pot is ruined . The enamel cracked . Mike is still scrubbing the ten - gallon evaporator , but it looks like it will eventually be usable again . And thankfully he did manage to scrub off all the charred remains of sap from the five - quart Dutch oven that we were using . We 've been a little distracted , I guess . In spite of our failures , we 've managed to make more than two gallons of syrup so far , which is already more than we made last year . Tuesday , March 8 - - Vera was at day 146 and looking huge . She 's a yearling , and I was thinking that she would have at least two , maybe three kids . The thought of her having one absolutely terrified me , because it would have to be a monster - sized kid . When I went out to do chores Tuesday morning , I checked ligaments on Vera , Anne , and Scandal , the three goats that are due this week . Vera 's were gone . I got a phone call while I was in the barn , and as I was talking , I was watching her . She was pushing , but not too seriously . Considering what I 've seen the last couple weeks , I suppose I 've been numbed to " normal " goat labor . After all , she wasn 't even making any noise with her pushes . I continued doing chores , and at one point when I was in the other barn , I sat down on the ground and started playing with baby goats . Jonathan walked past , and we chatted a bit about his role in an upcoming play at the college . He left , and I continued to cuddle Lizzie 's little doeling . Then I heard five short , rapid bleats . There was no doubt in my mind that was the sound of a goat seriously pushing . I put down Lizzie 's doeling and ran next door . Vera was standing there , looking at me , and there was a head hanging out of her back end . There was also a kid laying on the ground , still completely covered with an amniotic sac . I ran into the pen and dropped to my knees , pulled the sac off the kid , and started squeegeeing the mucous from the kid 's nose . I didn 't feel any movement , but I kept trying to wipe off the nose , holding the kid with its head down to help the mucous and fluid drain . Then I remembered that there was a head hanging out of Vera - - still ! She wasn 't even pushing , so I laid down the first kid and moved around to her back end on my knees , took hold of the kid by its head and front feet and pulled . It easily slid out . I broke the amniotic sac and tried to clean the kid as much as I could , although I didn 't even have a towel . I was pretty sure the other kid was dead . I ran into the office , grabbed the only towel in there , as well as the bulb syringe and the cordless phone . I called Jonathan 's cell and told him I needed towels . The second kid was very much alive and shaking its head . I started suctioning the nose of the kid on the ground , but it was still not moving . I felt a heartbeat , but the kid was clearly leaving us . I briefly wished that I had the drugs that they have at the U of I vet hospital - - the ones they used to save little Marshall Dillon - - but then I remembered that the vet said we were lucky that he turned out normal . He said sometimes when a kid is oxygen deprived , they save it , but the kid is brain dead and has to be put down anyway . I lifted its leg and saw that it was a doeling . Jonathan arrived with the towels , and I cleaned up the second kid , a buckling . I had stuck him in front of Vera as soon as he was born , and she immediately started to lick him . Unfortunately , as a first time mom , she didn 't know that she was supposed to do that with the kid that magically showed up at her back end before I arrived . A few minutes later , she bleated briefly and pushed out another beautiful little doeling . And then Vera proceeded to spend the next hour or two licking and licking and licking . I had never seen a doe so bent on cleaning up her kids . They couldn 't even nurse , because she would follow them with her mouth , licking and licking whenever they moved . If one would start to move towards her udder while she was cleaning the other one , she would immediately stop licking the other one as soon as she felt movement against her udder , then turn around and start licking that one . When I tried to help by moving a kid towards her udder , she would walk backwards so she could continue licking it . I know it sounds crazy , but it occurred to me that maybe she was trying to make up for not cleaning the first one . I thought for sure that a pan of grain would take her mind off licking the kids , but it didn 't . She took a few bites , but as soon as I got the little buckling latched on , she walked backwards and started licking him again . But as with everything else , patience and persistence finally paid off . Close to two hours after they were born , they finally nursed . I continued to worry about them and checked on them frequently all day . I had not tube fed a kid in six years before having to tube feed two of Coco 's boys last week , and I 'd be perfectly happy if I could go another six years - - or ten or twelve - - before I have to do it again . So , I was not going to take any chances on these kids falling behind with nursing . They 're doing great now , bouncing around , nursing and playing . And I just have to wait for Anne and Scandal to give birth . Anne is at day 148 , and Scandal is at day 146 , so it will be any day now . And the two heifers are also due any day now - - Molly was actually due Sunday , according to an online cow gestation calculator - - so we should soon have calves joining the other babies on Antiquity Oaks . Sunday morning , in the midst of trying to save two of Coco 's boys that were trying to starve themselves to death ( click here , if you missed that post ) , I heard a long , low " maaaaaaaa " from Clare 's pen . I knew what that meant . " Get the towels , " I said to Mike . " I 'm so sorry , little dude , " I said to the hypothermic , little black kid that I had just placed on a heating pad and covered . There was a head hanging out when we walked into Clare 's pen , and she quickly gave birth to buck - doe twins . Clare is Viola 's sister , so these babies are also mini manchas . We dried them off , and in no time , they were struggling to get to their feet and find their first meal . Yes , it really was that easy , and I think I can say that after the last six births , I deserved an easy one ! But then I was in the middle of trying to save two of Coco 's little bucks , so it 's a good thing Clare only required about fifteen minutes of my time . After listening to Coco scream every twenty or thirty minutes for the past twelve hours , I called U of I for an opinion on what I should do with her . I talked to the same vet that had done Caboose 's c - section , and he suggested that I just wait and watch . While a contraction that infrequently won 't dilate the cervix , it also should not stress the kids much . I was relieved . I hung up the phone and fell asleep . When doing chores that evening , I was just finishing up and was about to check on Coco when I heard her scream . Although I was told that she had been acting like she was in labor since that morning , I thought she sounded very serious . I saw that there were already towels next to her pen so I spoke into the monitor saying that Coco sounded serious and that I was going to stay out in the barn with her . For the next 45 - 60 minutes ( although I didn 't have a clock , this is a rough estimation ) Coco would plop down on the ground , scream so loudly that it echoed off the walls , get up , walk around , and lay down all over again . Because of a huge misunderstanding , I was under the impression that the vet wanted us to wait before trying to pull the kids out . But after a good hour of her screaming , Coco was looking very tired and I still didn 't see anything as slight as a bubble , so I knew something was not right . After putting on a surgical glove , I applied the lube and iodine before doing some investigating . I was expecting something like her cervix wasn 't dilated like what happened with Lizzie . However , her cervix was fully dilated , and when I went a little beyond , that 's when I finally felt a kid . Both hooves were in front so I was failing to see what was taking so long . It was then that I realized that the hooves felt upside down and I was not finding the head . " Oh , you have got to be kidding me , " I muttered when I realized that the kid was upside down with its head turned back . I couldn 't get my hand in any further and the kid was too slippery for repositioning , and because Coco had been pushing for the last hour , I knew I just needed to get the kid out . I grabbed the two front hooves and started pulling with Coco 's contractions . When the kid came closer to the entrance is when I pulled the head forward and tried to reposition it better . With a couple more pulls , the kid was out and Coco was eagerly cleaning it . It was not long after I got the kid out that I saw Coco was contracting again and I saw another bubble . So leaving the first kid by her , I grabbed another towel to catch the next one that just came sliding out - - along with a lot of blood . When I cleaned the mucus off of its face , the baby didn 't react at all . I saw that its eyes were rather blank and it was not even coughing or shaking its head , so I knew that it was dead . I immediately took the stillborn out of the pen so that Coco wouldn 't waste her energy trying to clean it . When I came back , the third one was already starting to come out . It was also the first one that finally came out in a perfect manner and was very much alive . It was not long after the third one that the fourth came out . This time the sac was full of meconium . The baby was not near as responsive as the first and the third born , but it was at least very much alive . That was four babies and Coco was getting to her feet so I then started focusing all of my attention on making sure that all of the babies were dry and fluffy and hopefully getting ready to nurse . " Took her long enough , " I heard Dad say as he came into the barn . " What are the sexes ? " " Oh well , " he shrugged . It was after this that I noticed Coco stopped licking the babies and plopped down on her belly again and started contracting . " No , you are not having quints , " I laughed . A bubble then appeared that very clearly had a baby in it . " Oh ! You ARE having QUINTS ! I NEED ANOTHER TOWEL ! " I screamed while jumping forward to catch the kid that was sliding out breach . One of the bottle babies I had only had four towels and all were thoroughly soaked , so I was simply pulling off the mucus . This kid was definitely more responsive than the fourth kid had been . The real problem with this one didn 't happen until he started walking around and was dragging one of his back feet . Because they were all bucks , I figured that like must buck kids , they would be very eager to get up and start nursing . That certainly wasn 't the case this time . None of the kids were interested in nursing . So because you can 't force a kid to nurse , I decided to go inside for about 10 - 20 minutes and come back out to try again . When I came back out , they were not any more interested in nursing than before . As much as I hate to be forceful , it had been close to an hour since they were born and I didn 't feel like bottle - feeding kids . So I decided to push each kid against the udder and manually squirt milk into their mouth . This finally got them interested in the whole nursing thing . Within ten minutes , everyone had nursed except for the fifth kid , which was still dragging his foot around . After trying a few more times , I finally got him to nurse for a few seconds . Seeing as though it was getting late and I had to get up early in the morning anyway , I figured it was time to call it a night . By the next morning , two of the bucks were not doing well . In case you missed the post where I wrote about their challenges , it 's the last three paragraphs of this post . It took a couple days to get them on a bottle , but now they 're ravenous and bounce around like normal kids . I splinted the leg on the red and white one , and a few days later , he got his foot caught between the deck and the house when they were playing outside , and he pulled his leg out of the splint , and it was fine . So , it must have been a tendon issue , rather than a fracture , which is good news for everyone . We were awakened before 6 a . m . by Coco screaming over the monitor so loudly that I was certain there would be a kid on the ground when we got out there . As soon as I sat up , it felt like I had been whacked in the side of the head by a two - by - four . I knew this was not going to be a good day . When Mike and I walked into the barn , Coco was just standing there staring at us as if she hadn 't said a word . I was freezing , so I headed into the barn office and turned on the little gas heater . Mike came in and sat down on the futon . I laid down and put my feet in his lap . We waited . Coco would scream every twenty or thirty minutes , which reminded me of Caboose 's and Lizzie 's labors . This did not help my head . Katherine came into the office an hour later , and I realized that Coco really was not going to have her kids anytime soon in spite of her occasional screaming . I came into the house , had breakfast , heard Coco scream over the baby monitor a couple more times and called a goat friend . She encouraged me to check her and just see if she was dilated , so shortly after ten , I went back outside and checked Coco . Nothing . Absolutely no dilatation at all . Not even getting started ! This is really weird for my goats . Normally , from the time I realize they 're in labor until the time I see kids is somewhere between five minutes and two hours . This was shaping up to be the weirdest kidding season ever . My head felt worse . I went into the office and laid down on the futon . For four hours , my head throbbed and I listened to Coco 's scream every twenty or thirty minutes . Close to 3 : 00 , I heard Cleo a couple times . I went into the barn and sat down with her . She is always a big baby when she 's in labor , and she wanted to lay in my lap . She weighs about 75 pounds , so she is not even close to being a baby . Neither Katherine or Jonathan were home , but Mike had been running maple sap from across the creek and boiling it down . I finally decided I couldn 't take it any longer . Every time Coco or Cleo screamed , it felt like a smack across the side of my head , and I felt like I was going to throw up . I went into the house and told Mike , " Okay , I know the maple syrup is important , but you can fill up the pots really full so you don 't have to worry about them boiling down to nothing . I can 't sit out there anymore . I need to go to bed . " I asked him to come with me and hold Coco , so I could check her cervix one more time to see if she had started dilating . He held her . I squirted iodine on my gloved fingers and checked . Still nothing , nada , zilch dilation . As I stood up , Cleo made a sound from the other end of the barn that sounded like she was seriously pushing . Mike and I walked over there and found her laying in the corner of the pen pushing quite convincingly . Because she was so close to kidding , I told Mike I 'd stay with him and talk him through everything . He only delivered his first baby goats a couple weeks ago . Now that our children are growing up and leaving home , he needs to learn how to do it , because there will be times when he is home alone and has to know what to do . The whole birth was rather uneventful , except for one annoying little kid that was trying not to be born . The nose and two hooves were sticking out a couple inches , and suddenly a hoof jerked back inside Cleo . Then the other hoof disappeared . I told Mike that next time Cleo pushed them out , grab them and just hold them so the little stinker can 't yank them back inside again . Who knows what problems he might cause if he twists his leg into some weird position . The second and third kid were born so closely together , I helped dry the second one , but Mike was able to handle everything else . Final tally was two black doelings and a red buckling with blue eyes . After the third kid was born , I saw membranes hanging out , indicating that the placenta would be next , and I told Mike I was heading to bed . I thought about calling U of I to talk to one of the vets on call , but I was in no condition to drive Coco down there , and I hated the idea of sending Mike off with one of my goats . I guess Cleo knows that it 's okay to act like a baby when she 's in labor , because my goats are my babies . If Coco had to go to U of I , then I had to go with her , even if I had to take a barf bag along for the ride and ask Mike to drive for me . So , when I walked into the house , I picked up the phone and punched in the number for U of I . More than 90 minutes after leaving home , I took the exit off I - 74 , annoyed that no one had called me from home to tell me about Lizzie 's kids . Surely she had delivered them by now . Knowing that the cell phone signal inside the vet hospital was terrible , I decided to call home for an update before I arrived at the university . Nothing . That is what had happened since I left home . The description of Lizzie 's labor reminded me of Caboose 's the day before . She was pushing , but the contractions were too far apart to be doing anything . Why was this happening ? I asked the vet when I arrived at the hospital , and he started to tell me that pygmies have lots of problems giving birth . I corrected him and said that I have Nigerian dwarf goats , and he shook his head , saying , " all of those little goats . " I tried to tell him that I knew pygmies have lots of birthing problems - - I know several breeders , including a vet , who have quit raising pygmies because they got tired of pulling kids and doing c - sections - - but Nigerians are easy birthers . He insisted that it was the breed , even though this is my first c - section in nine years , which gives us a c - section rate of less than one percent . I was worried that perhaps there was a nutritional issue that was suddenly causing the problems , but it became obvious that I wasn 't going to get any information about that possibility . We loaded Caboose and her kids into the car , and I headed home as the sun was setting . It was a tense drive . Although the kids slept peacefully , every time I slowed down or turned a corner , Caboose would grind her teeth , a sign that she was in pain . I felt terrible and tried to drive as gently as possible , apologizing every time I heard her grinding . The sound is similar to nails on a chalkboard , only worse , because you know when you hear it , a goat is in pain . About halfway home , I got a phone call from Katherine , saying that she had finally checked Lizzie , and she wasn 't fully dilated . I wanted to scream ! I explained to Katherine how to manually dilate the cervix , as I had attempted to do with Caboose the previous day . After hanging up the phone , I looked at the clock , realizing I was still 45 minutes from home and thinking that as soon as I arrived , we 'd unload Caboose and her kids and load up Lizzie to head back to U of I . The vet had explained that once a goat is in hard labor , the placenta will start to separate after two or three hours , which is why one of Caboose 's kids was born dead , and one died shortly after birth . Although it appears that a goat has only one placenta , it has a different point of attachment for each kid . This is why the little doe was in such great shape - - she was attached to the end that was still securely attached to mom . Katherine had called me from the barn , and I could hear Lizzie screaming . She was definitely in hard labor . If the manual dilation had not worked by the time I got home , we might be able to save the kids if we put her in the car and headed straight for U of I . I was so deep in thought that I almost missed my turn . I slammed on the brakes , swerved into the left lane , and took the turn too fast . " I 'm sorry Caboose , " I said as I heard her grinding her teeth . The phone rang . I hit the button on my steering wheel to answer . It was Mike . " I just wanted to tell you that Katherine got the first kid out ! It 's a huge buck ! Katherine thinks he 's probably five pounds . " I was able to relax for the rest of the drive home . As soon as I stopped the car in front of the barn , I jumped out and ran in to see Lizzie . She had buck - doe twins . I weighed the little buck , and he was 5 . 1 pounds ! He was by far the biggest Nigerian kid ever born on our farm . It was shaping up to be a record - breaking years in a lot of ways - - and I wasn 't really happy about any of the records we were breaking - - four sets of quadruplets , our first c - section , and our first five - pound kid . And at that moment , I had no idea what a record - breaking day was ahead of me . Viola 's story actually starts years ago . She is a la mancha , a goat that is most famous for its apparent lack of ears . Yes , they can hear ; they just don 't have external ear cartilage , so it looks like they don 't have ears . People either love it or hate it . Obviously , I 'm one who thinks the no - ear thing is adorable - - so adorable that I 'm trying to make mini manchas , which are little goats without ears . Even if you 've been reading my blog forever , you probably don 't remember me mentioning Viola . That 's because she has done little other than frustrate me for four years , and I don 't like to complain . Viola 's mama is the one that died from copper deficiency - - the one whose liver I insisted be biopsied to check the copper level , because four different vets insisted a copper deficiency was impossible if I were feeding a complete feed and had minerals available for the goats . She died when Clare and Viola were only two months old and after learning that her copper level was only 4 . 8 ( normal is 25 - 150 ppm ) , I was amazed she had survived as long as she did . That also meant I was now the owner of two orphans who were severely copper deficient , because mama can 't give her babies something that she doesn 't have . And I was going it alone because the current vet was still obliviously trusting the feed companies and refused to give me prescription copper for any of my goats . Being in grad school , I had access to the university database and could read veterinary journals for free , so I started researching copper on my own . I even started doing my own original research on copper in goats and surveyed around 40 goat owners to learn more about their use of copper and the incidence of copper deficiency and toxicity in their herds . The twins ' growth was slow , and their resistance to parasites was low , but with repeated copper bolusing , Clare was big enough to breed by fall . I was worried , however , that Viola still might not make it , so I didn 't breed her . Clare kidded the following spring with a single buckling . The next year I tried to breed Viola - - and the next year . When she was two , I was so desperate for her to get pregnant , I just let her run with the whole buck herd , not even caring if I knew who the sire was . Still , no babies . I had pretty much completely given up on her ever having kids . But last fall , I gave everyone their pre - breeding copper and selenium supplements , and a couple weeks later , Viola was in heat ! I put her with Mardi , a Nigerian buck , and he bred her ! I was ecstatic ! I wasn 't too worried about having a first - freshening four year old because the kids would be much smaller than your average la manchas . Then I spent most of the next four and a half months thinking that she wasn 't pregnant . Her belly wasn 't really big , although I reminded myself that she would be carrying mini - manchas , because I bred her to a Nigerian buck , so they wouldn 't be as big as if she were carrying full - size kids . Still , I thought she should at least look like there was something in her belly . A couple weeks before she kidded , I saw an udder , but she 'd fooled me before with a precocious udder , so I didn 't want to get my hopes up . Still , I did get hopeful , so I moved her and Clare to the kidding barn , because their due dates were only one day apart . As each day passed , I spent more and more time with them , staring at their bellies , feeling their udders , checking their tail ligaments . The more time I spent with them , the more I believed they really were pregnant . About a week before they ultimately kidded , I noticed Viola 's udder was really starting to get big . It was filling up in the rear , which never happened when she got a precocious udder . And each day as her udder got bigger , I got more excited that we really would have mini - mancha babies , at last ! Although Viola had no problems at all , I was momentarily freaked out when she was in labor . Mike had just walked in the barn to check on me , and I told him I saw a hoof . Then a minute later , I said , " Oh , this is not good . The hooves are upside down . " After a couple more pushes , I realized my error . If you see an inch of a Nigerian hoof , it 's the bottom of the hoof , which would mean the baby was coming out upside down or breech . But these babies are bigger , so I was relieved when I realized I was seeing the front of the hoof . How much bigger are they ? The little buck was 7 . 4 at birth , and the doeling was 6 . 7 , so they weigh about twice as much as Nigerian babies ! During Viola 's labor , I kept noticing Lizzie laying on her side , looking like she was pushing a little , but she wasn 't screaming , so I wasn 't worried . I had to leave to go to U of I and pick up Caboose , but I knew Katherine would be home at any minute , and she would be able to handle whatever Lizzie threw her way . If this were fiction , I 'd think , " Oh , foreshadowing ! " but as they say , truth is stranger than fiction . Thursday ended with me heading to bed around 1 a . m . because I was flying from all the coffee I 'd consumed in Urbana before heading home for a two hour drive in the dark . My sweet , sweet goats all avoided going into labor during the night . I 'm so glad they got that memo ! Friday morning around 8 : 00 , I went out to the barn and checked everyone 's tail ligaments and udders . My best guess was that Carmen , Lizzie , and Viola would all kid before the day was done , but I also knew I had to get down to Urbana to pick up Caboose and her kids . On one hand I was worried about having two goats in labor at the same time , but on the other hand , I hoped they 'd give birth soon , each about an hour apart , so I could leave for Urbana by about 1 : 00 . Around 10 : 00 , Carmen gave birth to two bucklings . Although Carmen doesn 't just plop down and start shooting out kids like Sherri and her daughters , she does make it look pretty easy . She bleated a little to let me know I needed to be on hand to help her clean up the kids , but otherwise , things seemed to be going easily enough for her . She has a habit of giving birth standing , sometimes even walking , so it can be a challenge to catch the kid . I usually spend lots of time walking on my knees behind her when she 's in labor . And this year was no different . She had her rear legs spread widely as she sort of waddled from side to side , taking a step , making a little noise , pushing , taking a step , and so on . And swoosh ! Welcome to the world , little dude ! For the second one , however , she decided to plop down with her rear in the corner of the kidding pen . The thing you have to know about the kidding pens is that we put a shelf across the back of all of them , so we would have a place to put kidding supplies that are out of the goat 's reach . Carmen had her rear in the corner under the shelf . No big deal , I thought . I 'll just crawl under there and reach over her body and pick up the kid when it 's born . That part of the plan worked just fine . I picked up the second kid , also a buck , and dried him off . But then I forgot there was a shelf above my head when I went to get up . Ouch ! Mike came out to check on me and immediately ran the towels into the house for washing , because we knew at some point over the weekend we would run out if too many goats kidded closely together . And from the looks of Viola , she was getting close . Viola is normally a very in - your - face goat , and she was obviously off in her own little world , so I knew I didn 't have much time to eat lunch before she kidded . In 2002 , my professor - husband , three kids , and I left the Chicago suburbs to live the adventure that Thoreau never imagined on a 32 - acre homestead on a creek in the middle of nowhere . As clueless city slickers , we made a lot of mistakes , learned a little , and had a lot of fun . Even though the children have grown up and left home , Mike and I are still here , making some mistakes , learning more , and having tons of fun . If it sounds like a frontier version of Gilligan 's Island . . . well , sit right back and you 'll hear a tale of goat birthing , gardening woes , coyote problems , food from the farm , housebuilding progress , and whatever happens to be happening around here . Some blog posts may contain affiliate links , meaning that I will get a small commission when you purchase something after clicking on the link . You pay exactly the same price as you otherwise would , and you help support the blog . Thanks for your support ! |
Sorry for going so long without an update . It was in part due to my laziness but also due to the fact that I 've been spending so much time with Mikey . Last time I mentioned that we wrestled and how it almost seemed sexual . Well the wrestling has continued every day since ( and yes I mean every day , because we were together somehow each day , his house or mine ) . But it hasn 't been as sexual as the first time . Every time he does it , he tries to get me in a headlock between his legs and holds me there . The first time this happened he had to have held me in it for an hour and a half . It 's pretty much impossible to get out of the way he does it . The only plus side about it is being between his legs . But after that I pretty much told him to never do it again , yet he still tries . But I do everything I can to resist . One day his mom came in and told us to stop because we were making too much noise . The times that we haven 't been wrestling we 've been watching videos in his bed together . I enjoy these moments because of the closeness . He put his head on my shoulder Friday while doing so but then quickly took it away because he realized " this is gay " , but I told him it wasn 't . I know he realizes that we are close because every time he hears someone walking towards his room he scoots away from me . But other than the wrestling and the close moments , not much has really happened between us , good or bad . He has been calling me every day though and we talk several times throughout the day , even days when we hung out together . He 's always the one who makes the calls , so my only interpretation of this is that he likes talking to me . Most of the calls begin with him saying " Whatsup ? I 'm bored " . He has woken me up two times this week , but I didn 't mind either of them . Apparently his mom wasn 't too happy with me yesterday . First off , she thought it was rude that I didn 't say hi to her when I got there . This was the one thing that bothered me the most . She was right , I didn 't . But only because when I entered the house with Mikey , she was working on her laptop and his dad was texting someone . Neither of them looked up at me or said anything , so I felt like saying anything would be interrupting . I wasn 't trying to be rude at all , if anyone was being ignored it was me , not her . I don 't know , I guess I 'm just really sensitive about stuff like that . I 've been aiming to impress his parents from the beginning . She was mainly upset at Mikey for giving her an attitude when he has friends over , which I understand , but the fact that she told him that she was upset with me is what hurt the most . I partly blame Mikey , because she had asked him when I was leaving at 11pm and he said by midnight , but I didn 't decide to leave until 12 : 45 . I had been at his house for about 11 hours at that point . He told me as I was leaving that his mom was pissed because he told her I was leaving at midnight . Which he failed to tell me . Heck , if I had known that at 11 she was asking when I was leaving I would have left then . I don 't like people being mad at me . I don 't know what 's to come between Mikey and I these next two weeks before I go off to school . I 'm hoping the mom issue is resolved soon though . I want to really know that he will miss me and will stay connected when I 'm gone . As for the blog , I plan to continue it even when I go . Not sure how active I will be at first with updating , It may be harder than I think to keep it private living with 2 other guys . Would you guys still want to read when I go away ? There will be new experiences and such . Almost like the 3rd episode in the series ( the first being from my old blog in 11th grade that I imported ) . I was almost bored enough to start turning this blog into a screenplay for a future film I may make later down the road . That would probably be way too risky though . But if anyone wants to turn my life into a movie , go right ahead ! Today was a little different than usual because I hung out with a friend ( the one who Mikey read texts to and from ) that I haven 't seen since last month . She and I were never really close until the last part of the school year , during which I opened up with her a lot . She doesn 't know that I like younger boys , but she knows I like Mikey . We went out to lunch and then went to see a movie . About half way through my phone started to vibrate . . . it was Mikey . I really wanted to answer but also wanted to enjoy the movie . So I declined it and continued watching . About 15 minutes later it vibrated again , by Mikey , again . I decided to step outside of the theater and call him back . When I did , he told me that he was bored and wanted to talk . I told him I was at the movies and after a few minutes of telling me to please talk to him right then , he finally let me go ( He later told me that he didn 't realize I was AT the movies , he just thought I was watching one at home ) . After the movie I called him back on the way home . We talked for a bit , and as soon as I got in the door , he asked if I could come over . So I grabbed a drink then headed out . We started out as usual , sitting on his bed while he checked his Facebook and YouTube subscriptions . After about 30 minutes I told him I wanted to check my Facebook , but he wouldn 't hand me the laptop . I reached over the grab it , which caused him to hold it further away from me . So this game again . . . I got in a position where I wrapped my legs around him and held one of his hands while he continued to use the laptop . I told him I would stay that way until he gave it to me , but he responded that he didn 't care . This was actually a very comfortable position for me , because I basically had his whole body wrapped under my legs WHILE holding his hand . After a while though he grabbed for my phone , which I didn 't give up as easily as last time after what happened . This led to more wrestling , and I purposely let him grab a hold to it so I could wrestle him for it . It was one of the best moments of our " physical relationship " . We pretty much touched every part of each others body while play fighting , and I even grabbed his butt and crotch , trying to get him to drop the phone , but he didn 't seem to mind and went on with it . At one point he let me have it back , but when I wasn 't looking he jumped onto my back and I laid flat on my stomach , he grabbed under me ( touching me you know where ) until he finally pulled it out . He took off running into the living room until I grabbed him and thew him onto the couch , where we continued to wrestle . This time I purposely held him in a hugging / cuddling position and told him that if he didn 't give it back I would make him have sex with me . He told me that I better not then threw me off of him and ran into the storage closet with my phone and locked the door . It was pretty easy to convince him to give it back , and when he did I put a password on it , just in case he did get a hold of it again . After all the wrestling ( about 30 minutes boy - on - boy time ) we were both completely out of breath , but laughing and smiling because we both enjoyed it . Afterwards he got in the shower and told me to bring him a towel , and when I did I told him he had to step out of the shower to get it from me . He refused to do so , and I only gave in because I had to drop him off somewhere soon . He told me that he would tell everyone that I tried to rape him , but I told him that I would tell everyone that he enjoyed my attempt at raping him , haha . It 's weird , I never had any guy friends to play fight with when I was younger . After about 4th grade I started hanging out with only girls . There may have been one kid in 5th grade that I would play " secret agent " with and we would tumble around on the floor during PE , but not nearly as much as I did with Mikey today and Sunday . I guess it 's a normal boy thing , and I really enjoyed it . I guess it might be the closest we come to " fooling around " with each other , so why not enjoy it ? He knows I 'm gay , and that I have a crush on him , but he doesn 't mind grabbing each other in his bed . There 's nothing to complain about . Yesterday , the group had planned to meet up around 1 to work on our next video . When the time came , everyone was acting like they didn 't know about it and we couldn 't get in touch with half the members . Mikey called me on the phone complaining about them and i agreed with him . We talked for about 30 minutes and at about 3 he called me again saying his mom said i could come over if I wanted to their family barbecue . I was a little weary about it since I didn 't really know his family that well , but the fact that he invited me over out of all his friends meant a lot so I said yes . I got my stuff together then headed to his house . When I got there Mikey greeted me at the front door and then we went into his room . His family wasn 't there yet aside from his parents and sister , and I was glad because it meant some alone time . We got on Facebook and continued to argue with the other group members for a while . Then he decided we should go swimming . I changed in his bathroom and while changing he kept acting like he was going to open the door . I think he would have if I hadn 't finished quickly . Anyways , more of his family started to arrive so the pool area became more crowded as we started to swim . Some of his cousins brought water balloons which Mikey got a hold of and started throwing them at me . It was actually a good way for me to get to know his younger family members because some were cheering for me and others for him . The best part of the fights were when we through one at each other in the pool and it didn 't bust so we would both try to grab it at the same time and inevitably ended up grabbing each other underwater and pushing against each other . After swimming and throwing balloons for a while we took a break and went back to his room to watch YouTube videos together in his bed . It started out with us sitting on the side but we eventually moved up to laying beside each other . Not too close , but just the fact that he let me lay in his bed with him showed that he was really comfortable with me . We then went to eat , then back out to the pool ( I didn 't swim this time but watched him and his cousins playing . Mikey got a little hyper and started acting immature . At one point they were throwing ice cream and pepsi at each other on the back porch and made a huge mess . Mikey 's mom got really pissed and made them all clean it up before they left . I started to clean but she said " No Tristan , don 't you clean up their mess " , but I told her I really didn 't mind helping . After we finished his family left so Mikey and I headed back to his room . This time things started out normal , we laid in his bed again watching YouTube videos . He kept putting his hands into his pants like normal , but this time he didn 't have a shirt on . At one point he even pulled them down enough where everything was exposed , but as I glanced over he quickly covered up . I was a little surprised by that because we were laying right next to each other . That made it almost as " gay " as it could get , haha . But I didn 't say anything about it . . . Then things got bad . He grabbed my phone when I wasn 't looking and started to go through my texts . Thinking back on recent conversations I 've had with people about him I went into panic mode and jumped on top of him trying to take it back . He seemed to like this wrestling though , especially at the point when I laid on top of him while he held my phone under his chest face down , and I put my arms around him in sort of a " hugging " position , but I still couldn 't get the phone , he flipped over , knocking me off then ran to the bathroom with my phone . His parents were in the living room so I wasn 't going to storm into the bathroom after him . I let it go , figuring he wouldn 't find anything . Boy was I wrong . . . He came back in the room with this pissed off expression on his face , then handed me the phone , I asked what he read , and he showed me . It was a conversation I had with a friend while he was at the beach . Something along the lines of maybe she should try to be Mikey 's friend to find out his sexuality for me so I can try again next summer and me saying that " I 'm in love with him lol " . He put on a shirt then told me he would let me off easy by kicking me out of the group and telling me that he would never talk to me again when I go off to college ( earlier that day he told me that he didn 't want me to leave ) . I was embarrassed , as well as angry with him for doing that . The most peculiar thing about it was , after about 2 minutes of his rant about not having anything to do with me , he got back in bed with me and went to watch more videos . He could tell I was still mad , and said " I don 't get why you are mad at me , if I 'm not mad about it you shouldn 't be " . I told him it wasn 't that I was mad that he found out that I " loved him " , but that he invaded my privacy . He told me he felt like it was his business since it involved him , but I argued that sometimes things are said because we aren 't ready for that person to know yet and want to ask a friend for advice . After that , nothing more was said about it . He kept his shirt ( and pants ) on this time , but we seemed to scoot closer and closer together while laying watching videos . At one point we were side by side ( touching at the hips and stomach ) and when his mom knocked on the foor both of us reacted by instantly scooting away from each other , so we both knew it was happening . He told me to get on the floor because he was going to bed , even though I knew he wasn 't . When I got down there he started looking at porn on his iPod . I told him that he was missing out because it looked so much better on my laptop . He started out with the whole " I don 't care " act , but when he found out certain videos wouldn 't load on his iPod , he told me to hand him my laptop and lock the door and turn the lights off . So I did , and at the same time I sat with him in bed . I didn 't do anything on the computer , I let him take control . He looked at a few sites and seemed to be turned on but said it was too awkward to do anything with me there since I was gay . I assured him that it was fine and I wouldn 't care . At this point i think I made a mistake by getting on Skype with a friend he wanted to meet , and doing so changed the focus off of porn . Which was too bad because I think that it might have went somewhere further if we would have kept it up until he got really horny . Oh well , at least I know his favorite porn sites if I 'm ever over there that late again . Now , what do you make of the whole phone dilemma ? I mean , to be honest I would be really weirded out if someone I didn 't like was saying they loved me and really meant it . While he acted pissed at first , it almost came across as acting because he cracked a smile every now and then . Was it right for me to not bring it back up afterwards and explain ? Would a completely straight guy ( like he claims to be ) be okay with knowing just a few days ago I was telling someone I loved him ? Or pull out his junk when a gay guy is laying in bed right beside him ? I guess if he really is straight I must have the wrong impression about straight boys all together . PS : I didn 't see Mikey today but we talked on the phone for about 3 hours and he almost invited me over because a friend backed out of plans but then took it back . I was a little let down , but he told me that he was sorry and he still loved me . Normally after he says that he says " not like that " , but not this time . Hmm . . . I apologize for no new updates since Wednesday . I was expecting Mikey to come over on Thursday to record for the new video , but only Dylan and Justin could make it . We still had a good time though , but were only together for about an hour until we finished then played some Xbox before Justin 's mom picked him up ( he 's not allowed to ride with me because his mom doesn 't like him riding with a teenager . . . whatever ! ) . He got his hair cut , and I think it looks better on him , but I can tell that he 's starting to mature in his face . His brother Nemo is still cuter , and looks younger . But they both have sexy , pre - pubescent voices haha . Later Thursday night , Mikey called me . I was assuming it was to tell me to come get him so he could do his parts , but he actually said he couldn 't but he was bored and wanted to talk to someone . That was fine with me . We talked about how things went with Dylan and Justin . We also talked about videos he had watched that day and what he had for dinner . This was the first time he 's ever called me without a real reason . It actually reminded me of phone calls with my ex - girlfriend ( long story , it was from 5th - 9th grade , nothing real , not even a hug ) . I don 't know why I compare his call to hers , maybe it 's just because it was about mostly pointless stuff but we both enjoyed it . Who knows . Mikey came over on Friday alone to record some of his parts . I was disappointed when he told me that he had to be home in an hour , so we rushed it and didn 't have any interesting discussions . The most interesting thing that happened was he randomly said " Fuck me in the butt " while recording . I turned to him , and said " no thanks " . No more was said about it and we went on . We planned to maybe meet up Saturday ( today ) to pick out his costume . Oh , and I gave him my old webcam so he could use it to Skype me when I go off to college . Oh and a quick update about Frankie . Friday was the last day of camp but I think it went really well and even though I was sad that I wouldn 't see him anymore , I managed to take a few really good pics of him to keep forever . I also fixed his hair by running my fingers through it before the show . It felt really good , mainly because of the fact he trusted me with doing it . I have noticed that I have become more and more obsessed with touch lately . Not sexual , but touch in general . Is that normal ? So today came . It was a pretty quiet morning . Dylan texted me asking if we were filming today but I told him no . While I was eating lunch my phone rang . It was Mikey . I quickly tried to finish chewing and swallow , then answered . When we first started talking , he didn 't get to the point if he could come today , so I had to ask . Again , he was acting different on the phone than before . I 've mentioned that his voice changes from a cute high - pitched voice to a low not - so - cute voice . I guess it 's just his voice 's way of changing but it 's been this way for a year now . Anyways , this entire call was in his high voice . It almost sounded flirtatious even . He told me that his mom told him that if he asked his dad if there were any chores he needed to do and if not he could come with me . So I told him to ask , but his response was interesting . . I just wanted to share that conversation because of what he mentioned about his dad . I knew he didn 't like him , but not enough that he was scared to ask him something . When I got there to pick him up his dad was cutting grass and his mom was in the garage . She smiled and waved at me , he ignored me . As I was backing out of the driveway Mikey told me to hurry up so his dad wouldn 't see me . I assume something happened recently between them but I didn 't ask . When we got to the mall and passed a yogurt place he said he wanted to stop by there and would pay for mine , but I told him to wait until after we bought his costume . I thought it was nice of him to offer to buy me something . We went in Hot Topic ( he had never been in there ) and looked for a shirt . I asked what size he was but he didn 't know , so he told me to check . I put my hand down his shirt along his back ( completely unnecessary but he didn 't seem to notice or mind lol ) , but the tag was missing . So he tried on a few things and finally found one he liked . We also made a Wal - mart stop to look for lipstick for him , and I was actually surprised that he wasn 't uncomfortable in the makeup section . Most straight guys are . Afterwards we went to McDonalds . It was like old times . I REALLY enjoy eating out with just him . It feels as close to a date as I can come . He did the leg thing like he did the last time where he would put them across the booth beside me , but didn 't keep them for as long that way this time , so I didn 't get a chance to touch them to see how he would react . Oh well . I took him home after . So while this was nothing special , I enjoy our alone time more and more the closer it gets time for me to go away to college . He said he isn 't allowed to use the computer anymore until he pays his parents money he owes them so he can 't set up his webcam yet but will when he can . I look forward to talking to him on it , maybe he will be more comfortable being open with me through that instead of in person . That 's all I can think of updating you on today . We may film tomorrow but I won 't be alone with him so I don 't think much interesting will happen . We 'll see . . . I just wanted to do a quick update while I wait on Lion to install on my Mac , then I 'm going to bed . For the past week I have been helping out at a children 's theatre with a summer camp . Not much worth mentioning , the kids are really cool . About 15 girls and only 2 boys . One boy I have no interest in at all . . . he 's chubby and a little . . . . slow for his age . On the other hand , this other kid Frankie ( 10 years old ) is adorable . Not in the same category of cute as I put Mikey , but not necessarily just " little kid cute " either . I didn 't talk to him much the first two days of camp ( it 's just me and my old drama teacher doing it ) . However , today I decided to stand in the lobby and watch them after camp was over until their parents arrived . Most of the other kids just talked among themselves , but I noticed that Frankie was wandering around in his own world . I have noticed before that when the other kids are sitting in a row of chairs , he chooses to sit in a row far away from them by himself . I 'm not sure if he 's just shy or he likes to keep to himself . Whatever it is , I was surprised when he turned and talked to me in the lobby . We started out talking about the elevator ( he asked where it went ) and I think from that point on he became comfortable with me , and I really enjoyed it . We talked for about 10 minutes before his mom came to pick him up , at that time he had wandered to the window but before he left he came back to me and said " Bye Tristan " . I told him bye and waved as he left . I really love kids that age , especially boys . The girls in the camp are cute too , but I seem to have more of a connection with boys . I am sad that there are only 2 more days of the camp left . I will try to make the most of it with him though . As for Mikey , things have been running smoothly the past few days . Nothing extremely good , nothing extremely bad . But overall , pretty good . Today he and Dylan came over to write a script but Mikey was very physical with me , shooting a toy gun in my ear until I grabbed it from him and hit him with it . We did a lot of this play fighting , then actually wrestled a bit on the floor . Not long enough to truly enjoy it though . Dylan did knee him in his nuts and Mikey pulled his pants down to show him how his dick was red , but didn 't turn for me to see , most likely cause Dylan had been calling him gay most of the time . Although at one point when we were sitting at my desk , I wrapped my leg around Mikey 's and he didn 't react , and we sat that way for about 10 minutes . I 'm not sure what his thoughts on it were but he didn 't seem to mind . Well Lion is done installing and I want to play around with it a little before bed , so I 'll end here . Hopefully something interesting happens with Mikey soon , less than a month less . Even if it doesn 't , I will be happy with what we have had . I really , REALLY hate to post this entry . Especially the same day I posted about what happened last night . It makes me sound like a hormonal , bi - polar , preteen girl during PMS . But it has to be done . This morning I woke up feeling a lot better about what happened yesterday , but it was still on my mind . I immediately wrote and posted the previous entry and then went on with my morning routine . I went to the mall with my mom at about 3pm and we left there at about 5 : 30 . I decided to check Facebook on my phone , and saw where Mikey had posted a comment saying " sorry for yesterday " , I responded that I was sorry too and if he wanted he could still come over and help me edit . To which he agreed , so I got my mom to stop by there on the way home and pick him up . I went in his house for about 5 minutes where we talked a little and he changed clothes . All of the tension from the day before was gone , and I told him he could even bring the game that caused the whole thing with him to play , but he decided not to , because he didn 't want to " mess things up again " . So he came over and we went to my room to edit . Nothing about yesterday came up except for when we joked about each others attitudes . It was as if nothing at all had happened . Actually , he seemed to be more comfortable with me than ever . He took my phone and started going through it , which caused me to reach over him to try and get it back . My chest was against his , and my face was inches away from his . My arms were wrapped around his back , trying to grab my phones from his hands . He didn 't seem to mind though . I grabbed his arm and twisted it until he dropped it . This happened more than once , other times it was with my computer mouse trying to stop him from posting " I ' M GAY " on my Facebook . This time I ended up with my face in his crotch and my arm around his leg . Again he didn 't seem to mind me being close . He actually thought it was funny . I think that 's the most I have ever touched him , and it felt great . I also learned that despite his looks , I am much stronger than him . I held his hand and then twisted it back , almost like arm wrestling in mid air . At one point he had a toy gun that he put to my cheek , but I turned and opened my mouth , and he stuck it in and out , then tried to test my gag reflexes before I stopped him . At one point he went to a porn website on my laptop when I wasn 't looking , and when I did I acted interested ( it was a bunch of girls ) , and proceeded to scroll through it . I joked about him clicking the " gay " tab at the top , and then told him to exit out of it because I didn 't want a virus on my laptop , if he wanted to look at porn use my other computer , but he didn 't . Sigh . . . There were two situations that I should have taken advantage of that I didn 't . I guess because I was still a little shaken up by yesterday , I didn 't want to do anything that would make him mad at me . He took some of my headache pills in his hand and pretended to swallow them all , and I told him that if he did that and passed out , I would do sick things to his body . At this point he pretended to pass out and laid on my floor , " dead " . Instead of messing with him , I wasted like 20 seconds getting my camera ready to take pictures ( I don 't know why . . . ) then grabbed a toy wand and threatened to shove it in all orifices of his body . I went for his mouth but he turned his head , then I threatened to stick it in his butt but he got up when I touched him with it . There were plenty of things that I SHOULD have done with this time of him being " dead " , but I guess since it was so unexpected I didn 't know what to do . The second " Shoulda " moment came when we were sitting together editing and he put his hands in his pants . Remember , he does this often and I usually think nothing of it . But this time he was messing around down there so I said " What are you doing ? " and he responded " Playing with my penis " . I looked at him and said " I can tell " , then turned back to the computer . What I SHOULD have done was ask " Need any help ? " , because in the moment I sort of have a feeling that he would have let me . But who knows , he could have just responded with " No brah I ain 't gay " . Oh well . . . Anyways , like I said I really hate posting this entry . I feel like all that drama was for nothing last night and for me to go right back into being this attracted to him is a bit ridiculous . But I can 't make sense of my emotions , they just happen the way they want to . For all of you that have written me emails , I will respond this weekend . Maybe not tomorrow because there is a chance Mikey may come over again , but definitely Sunday because he will be gone for two days . Again , I apologize for taking so long to respond and I still GREATLY appreciate you taking the time to write me . I just want to take the same amount of time to give you the response you deserve . Yesterday was our last day of filming . We only had like 2 pages of the script to do so I figured it would go over pretty easy . When I got there ( Mikey wasn 't there yet ) , Justin , Dylan , and Nemo were playing this football game on Xbox . I sat there watching them until Mikey got there as well as the last person in the group . They turned the game off so I figured we were about to go start filming . But then Mikey handed them this fighting game that they put in and began playing . I didn 't say anything , but I was starting to get annoyed because we only had about 2 hours of shooting to do , tops . Then an hour went by . . . again I remained silent . I got on my laptop and began " editing " ( playing clips from what we did the day before to hopefully remind them of the reason we were all there ) , Dylan then suggested that we start filming . I agreed completely , but they seemed to ignore us . So Dylan got up and turned the game off . They all started yelling at him but eventually got their stuff together and we headed down into the woods . Shooting went okay , but you could tell that everyone had the mindset of playing the game rather than doing it . There were plenty of " let 's just get this done " and certain game references . But nothing too big of a deal . We got to the point where we had one page left , but we forgot a few props back at the house so we headed up . When we got there a few people decided to take a water break , which turned into a snack break . Then Mikey said " Let 's go play the game for a while " . I was beyond pissed . We only had maybe 30 minutes of shooting left and he couldn 't wait until we finished . So I calmly said , " Ok well if you guys do that then I 'm leaving . I 'll leave my camera here for you guys to finish " . They all got silent . Dylan agreed with me and said for them to come back outside . But the rest of them went upstairs to play the game . So I went up with them . As I was walking up the stairs I heard Mikey and Justin whispering . I couldn 't make out entirely what they said , but I did hear Mikey say " He goes off to college soon anyways " . When I got up there they were quiet again , then Mikey said " Justin has something to ask you " , but Justin quickly retaliated with " What the fuck Mikey , you were the one who said that " , so Mikey asked me " What day do you leave for college again ? " I told him the date and he looked over at Justin and said " That 's less than a month away , then he 'll be gone anyways . It 's not like he matters " . That was it . Soon after they turned on the game . I picked up my stuff and got ready to leave . They all looked at me and were like " Really ? " . I told them Mikey could direct the rest of iWhen the round was done , they all turned and looked at me , then Mikey clicked " Rematch " . I grabbed my stuff again and began to leave . Dylan once again got up and turned the game off . This pissed everyone off but Nemo . Nemo agreed that we should go finish up . Mikey had the worst attitude of them all . He kept saying things like " I don 't even care about this stupid thing anymore , let 's just get it done so we can get back to the game " and " If we were playing the game we could all be having fun unlike some people " . So that was my breaking point . I exclaimed : " Really Mikey ? Then why are you even in the group in the first place ? I see why everyone wanted you out . If you keep that up I 'm out and you 're doing everything yourself . It 's your script . " I couldn 't help it . I had the same kind of anger as I do when I 'm yelling at my dad . As the words were coming out I could feel the pressure coming off of my mind and heart . I don 't know how to explain the feeling , but I 'm sure you all know what I 'm talking about when you blow up at someone you feel deserves it at the time . Everyone was quiet after that , but they continued to get ready . We waited outside for everyone to finish getting costumes on and none of us said a word . Mikey said a few things trying to break the tension but it didn 't work . Justin 's parents were looking out the window watching us , they knew something was up because earlier they yelled " If you guys are going to start back - talking each other then I think it 's time for everyone to go home and cool off " . We went to film the final scenes , and while it went faster than anything we had shot before , it lost it 's fun factor , especially with Justin and Mikey ( Justin refused to get fully in costume , and Mikey kept making game references about ways he would kill " someone " ) . We finished , and then everyone went upstairs to play the game , except for Mikey who had to call his mom . I took the opportunity to apologize to everyone else about the way I acted but they told me they completely understood and they were glad I did that . Wow . . . so much for my optimistic attitude yesterday . No way did I see this coming . I texted with Dylan and he told me " Just ignore Mikey , he will get over himself . He 's a freaking idiot and needs to grow up . None of this would be possible without you . Ignore him , he 's nothing . " That was a little relieving , coming from one of Mikey 's best friends . I 'm starting to think that Dylan cares about me more than Mikey . I hated thinking that everything between Mikey and I may be over . His immaturity showed more than ever , but mine did too for lashing out at him . I don 't want to take back what I said , because I felt he needed sort of a wake up call to let him know he couldn 't get away with everything just because he knew I liked him . I just felt like all chances of him liking me back were ruined . Since then , I have been waiting on him to get on Facebook and message me , hoping that he would apologize and I could do the same . I 'm not making the first move because it will seem like I am backing down first , giving him the advantage . I want him to think through the way he acted and take responsibility for himself . What do you think I should do ? Do you think anything between Mikey and I is forever doomed ? Will this tear us apart or make us stronger ? Is it wrong for me to wish things were like they used to be ? I will leave you with this status he posted 2 hours before I woke up this morning . Yesterday : I met up with the gang at about 2 in the afternoon . Everyone liked the props and costumes Mikey and I bought . Actually Mikey made costumes after he left my house Monday night which was pretty cool of him to do . A few of us required makeup , including myself . Mikey wanted to do mine . Actually it was more like face paint than makeup , but all the same . He began with my face , but also did my arms . It was a little awkward at first , but I got more comfortable with it as he was going . It wasn 't the makeup that I was uncomfortable with . It was just the fact that he was applying it and touching my face . I kind of liked it . At one point he was doing under my arm and he said " Umm , aren 't gay guys supposed to shave their armpits ? " . I responded " Depends on if the guy we 're with wants them shaved " . I looked at him and we both laughed . Nemo walked in right after and laughed like he heard the conversation , but he most likely didn 't . After Mikey finished my makeup , Nemo wanted to do my hair . I actually found it amusing that the two guys I am most interested in did the most with me physically , haha . As he was doing it , he said " I know this seems gay since I don 't really know you all that well " , but I told him it was fine and it didn 't matter to me . It wasn 't that great hearing that he " didn 't know me all that well " , even though we have done several projects together before , but oh well , I liked the way it felt when he worked the gel through my hair . After everyone was in costume and makeup , we went down into the woods and began filming . I told Mikey that since he wrote the script he could pretty much direct the video . I let Dylan do most of the camerawork . In the beginning , everything was running smoothly . But as time went on , people began to argue more and everyone seemed to be stressing out , especially Mikey . He was yelling back and forth , but I honestly don 't blame him because the other guys were being really annoying and immature . But the way he fought back just delayed things even longer . I also think the heat played a big role in it . We filmed for several hours , then finally decided to call it quits for the day . Many times during the day Mikey and I shared eye contact where we " telepathically " expressed our feelings to each other about how the others were acting . I kind of liked it , and I felt like it was reassuring to him to know that he wasn 't alone feeling this way . When we got back to the house , Mikey asked me to take him to get dinner . I don 't like doing that because every time I end up paying for his food . But I kind of feel that it is worth it , just for the alone time with him . He started talking about how I wished he was my brother , and I jokingly said , " Umm , no I don 't " . He seemed a little offended by this and continued to question me about it until we left and I told him I was joking . In reality I meant it because then any relationship would be incest and that 's just weird , haha . When we left , we spent most of the car ride bitching about the other members and how they were goofing off . He also restated that I was his best friend , which backed up the statement he made the day before . When we got to the restaurant , we spent most of the time talking about me " not being gay " , as always . But it was a little different this time . He seemed to almost be flirtatious about it . We were sitting across from each other in a booth and at one point he stretched his legs out so they were on either side of me up against me . I didn 't say anything at first , but when I looked down he said " If you were straight this wouldn 't bother you " . I told him that I wasn 't and it didn 't . The rest of our " gay " conversation was as usual , but at one point I think I FINALLY convinced him that the only thing " gay " about me was that I liked boys , and that all of the usual stereotypes don 't apply . In a separate conversation , he told me he 's never had feelings for a girl . I jokingly said " That 's why you 're gay " , but quickly responded with " just joking " . He never denied it though , just laughed . I think next time the topic comes up I 'll ask him more seriously " How do you know that you 're not gay ? " and see where that goes . Only when we are alone though , because I feel that 's when we really connect . When we got to his house , I let him out , but he got back in my car telling me to take him to his grandma 's cause he didn 't have the key . I got halfway out the driveway and he held up a key and started laughing . So I put my car in park and told him that he had to walk all the way back to his house , he kept saying no , and finally told me he was scared to be up there alone . I believed him , and said " I 'll go up there to comfort you , baby " in a really sexual voice . So I did , and walked him to the door . When he got in we talked for a little bit and then said bye . Overall it was a very good day . I liked the connection that Mikey and I seemed to have throughout , and I especially liked our time together alone . I 'm really starting to think he 's questioning his sexuality , because he has never denied or said anything about it when people accuse him of it . And he 's always joking around about being gay . It does hurt me a little to see his friends calling him gay , but that 's probably because I was called that all through middle school , but not by my friends . Maybe the friendly bullying will make him more willing to accept it though . I don 't know , but I had high hopes for the next day and was ready to make a move with him when we were alone again . Today : I woke up at 10 , but had my alarm set for 11 so I decided to go back to sleep until then . I was awoken at 10 : 20 by my phone . I assumed it was Mikey , but it was a number I didn 't recognize so I let them leave a voicemail , and when I checked it it was an army recruiter . I went back to sleep . At 10 : 40 , my phone rang again . This time it was Mikey , telling me he couldn 't film today . I was a little upset , but in a way relieved because I felt I needed a break after all the hard work yesterday . I tried to sound really upset though and expressed that I didn 't want to do it without him . I went back to sleep , only to be awoken again at 10 : 56 by Mikey , telling me nevermind and that he could . FORGET IT . I got up and got in the shower . So much for my extra hour of sleep . I won 't bother repeating everything that happened , because essentially it was very similar to yesterday . But something was different . Mikey wrote a whole page of notes on which he talked about ways everyone could approve , including himself ( be less Hitler - like and have fun with it ) . It sounded like a good idea at first , but when we actually began filming this was a problem . He seemed to act as immature as them at times , and most of the time I felt like it was Dylan and I taking control . Mikey was still getting stressed , but stayed quiet about it . We made none of the eye - contact like yesterday , and didn 't really get any time to talk to each other alone the whole day . The only time I felt a connection was when they were asking why I pay for his food , and he responded " because he loves me " . I quickly retaliated with a quick " shut up " , but Dylan kept looking back and forth at me and him like he couldn 't believe it . The other guys passed it off as nothing , luckily . But for the next few minutes Mikey and I kept looking at each other , which for me started out angry but in the end was funny . The rest of the day from about 5 : 30 on , I felt out of it . Most of it was because they were all having conversations about people I didn 't know . I was planning on leaving , but then Justin 's mom went to get us pizza , so I felt it would be rude to leave . The only one that caught on was Mikey , and he came over and asked what I was doing and why I looked all depressed . I told him I wasn 't , but clearly I was . Even while eating they were still talking about people I didn 't know , so again I felt out of place . I wish that I could be their age and know who they know . Then maybe things would be different . When we finished , Mikey wanted me to come upstairs with him to look at some stuff we filmed ( even though we had already watched it ) while everyone was downstairs . Wow , something was definitely up . I immediately started following him up , pondering the forthcoming excitement of being alone with him again . BUT THEN , Justin called him and said his mom was there to pick him up . DAMNIT ! So he got his stuff together and left . That 's about it for the past couple of days . Tomorrow will be our last day of filming and I will enter it with no expectations , good or bad . I ruined today for myself because I set the expectations so high because of the day before . I will just let whatever happens , happen . Oh , and for those that have emailed me , I WILL write back . I 've just been busy with the group and by the time I get home , check on everything online , and type an entry , I am out of time to respond to each of you individually . But I haven 't forgotten about you and will respond to you within the next couple of days . " Hello ? " " Hey . Were you awake ? " " Yeah , what 's up ? " Umm , my parents changed their mind . My mom is getting off early so you can come pick me up and we can go get props " " Okay . Well i just woke up like 15 minutes ago so I have to get ready first " " ' ( laughing ) You 're just like Dylan . Okay well I 'll call you back when she gets home " " Okay , bye " I have to admit that today was probably the quickest I have ever gotten ready in my life . I jumped out of bed and got a quick glass of milk , jumped into the shower , and continued with my regular routine at about 5 times the regular speed . When I finished , I saw I had a missed call exactly 3 minutes ago . I called him back and said I was on my way now . I grabbed a granola bar and headed out the door . After picking him up , he told me he needed to be back in 2 hours . It kind of saddened me , but I figured that I would try to make the best of it . Katy Perry 's " I Kissed a Girl " came on my iPod , and Mikey told me that he dedicated that song to me . I told him I had a song to dedicate to him , so I played " Ur So Gay " Haha , but he laughed at it . We got to the store and ended up spending almost $ 100 on props . We had already planned on a way to split it up with the other group members , but it still seemed like a lot . We were happy with what we got though . We made a stop at Justin 's house on the way back to drop off some things we would use tomorrow and then went back to Mikey 's house . I convinced him to call his mom and ask if I could stay a while and help put things together . She said no , but told him we could do it at my house , so we did . We worked for some time on making an intro video , and then started messing around on Facebook . My brother 's friends were over here also so he felt a little awkward around them . I had to walk him to the kitchen and bathroom so he didn 't have to walk by them alone , haha . Nothing special happened , but we did do a lot of touching ( not like THAT ) . But for example I brushed off something from the back of his neck , I guided his hand on the mouse showing him how to do stuff , and we brushed our arms together a lot . Any kind of physical contact with him is nice . At about 5 : 30 he said he should probably head home . So we drove to his house and he continued to sit in my car . He told me that he didn 't want to leave . He told me i would have to push him out . Another opportunity for physical contact . So i opened the door and began gently pushing him , he didn 't budge . When I started to get out and pull him out , he decided to get out himself . Too bad . . . He told me not to leave until he got into the house . And good thing he did . First of all he left his phone in my car , second , the spare key was missing . He came back and called his mom , who told him they had taken it away and for him to just go to his grandma 's house . So I drove him there which was luckily only a few miles away . She wasn 't home . . . He told me it was time for plan 3 . I asked what that was , and he scrolled on his phone until he came to my number . I played dumb and pretended like i didn 't get what he was saying , but i eventually said " You want to come back to my house ? " . He laughed and said yes . So we headed back to my place . I let him play my Xbox , which was probably a bad idea because he sat there for a few hours . One good thing came out of it though . When he didn 't know how to do something he held his controller in his lap and I showed him what to do . Meaning my hands were so close to his crotch . I actually brushed against it at times but he didn 't seem to mind . he squirmed a little once but that was it . It 's also worth mentioning that while we were on my computer and i was reaching over him , he " bumped " up out of his seat so my arm hit his " parts " . I ignored it , but I should have said , " If you wanted me to touch you there you could have just asked " . He ate dinner with us , and then we went to my room to watch videos . Nothing much happened between then and the time his mom picked him up ( 10pm ) . I said goodbye and his mom thanked me for letting him stay so long . So yeah , while nothing special really happened between us , i really enjoyed the day with just us together for about 9 hours . At times I got a little sick of him , but never enough that I wanted him to leave . I like feeling close to him . IN CLOSING , I wasn 't really sure where to put this where it would stand out , but it is probably the most important part of this entry . It was something Mikey said to me that seemed half - joking and half - serious . When I told him he could play the Xbox alone and didn 't have to take turns , he said to me : Mikey came back home yesterday from vacation . I was thinking that I would have to be the first to message him , but as soon as he posted " I 'm home " as a status on Facebook he IMed me . We talked a little about the trip , and then about our future plans to work on another project . We decided to have a meeting at Justin 's house ( one of the other group members ) Sunday at 2pm ( today ) . So fast forward to today at about 1 : 30 . I text Dylan to ask if we are still meeting . 10 minutes go by , no response . I text Justin . . . . no response . I post on Facebook . . . no response . I call Mikey . . . his phone is off . At this point I 'm beginning to think that maybe they are all purposely avoiding me . But finally at about 1 : 50 Dylan texted me back saying yes , so I came over . When I got there , Mikey wasn 't there yet . Just Dylan , Justin , and 2 other members . Another worth mentioning , named Nemo . I 've always considered him the best looking of his siblings , but today I seemed to notice even more than that . Even before Mikey got there , I determined that he was now the best looking guy in the group . Even though he hadn 't gone through puberty in any level yet ( he 's 15 ) . Anyways , the first thing Dylan said when I walked in the room was " Tristan , have you ever filled a condom . . . . . . . with water ? " . I told him I was about to ask it depended on what he meant I filled it with . They laughed , and then he told a story about using one to jack off and it took forever because he couldn 't feel it . Then Mikey came . It was my first time seeing him ( besides Skype ) , in almost 2 weeks . He was a lot darker , and had some bumps on his face . For some reason something else looked different about him . I wasn 't sure what it was , whether he were taller , slimmer , or just more mature looking . But he was still attractive . I had a bad feeling at the start of the meeting . Mikey and I said nothing to each other at all , and it seemed like he didn 't even look at me . We both sat there quietly while the others talked about wrestling , but didn 't make an attempt to talk to each other . I wanted to , but didn 't want to make the first move ( like always ) . We finally all started talking as we read through the script , and Mikey finally started looking at me , but no statements directly to me . I still felt a little awkward and slightly embarrassed . Afterwards , there was another awkward moment when the guys were discussing wrestling and both Mikey and I were quiet . Again , nothing was said between us . We decided to go through the script and edit it . Mikey was the one who wrote it , so I had to be careful with what I said . I guess I wasn 't careful enough . Every suggestion that I had he blew off and seemed to get angry about . Even small changes , like cutting a line or switching words around . I guess he saw it as his work and he didn 't want anyone doing anything . He reacted the same way when others tried to correct him . I eventually just gave up and didn 't offer any mores suggestions . My mind started to race at what I could have done to make him mad at me and if I was completely over him . I didn 't like the attitude he seemed to be giving me , even before we even spoke . Did his vacation make him realize I wasn 't important to him ? Did he decide to do everything in his power to make me not like him anymore ? I didn 't know , but it had to end soon or I was out of there . Afterwards we went into the woods to find a location for the video , Mikey and I started out far apart , but he gradually made his way back to me to tell me ideas he had for the video . I tried to act normal , because I didn 't want to give the impression that I was angry with him . We came back inside , then sat at the dining table and cooled off . Justin and Nemo were playing videos on their laptop and most of the group were watching . I glanced over at Mikey and he was writing on a piece of paper , which he passed to me , and then we passed it back and forth . This is pretty much how that written conversation went . The car ride was quiet at first . But then he finally started talking about Dylan and how annoying he was while they were on vacation together . We carried on small talk until we got to the restaurant . The lady recognized us from the last time we were there ( Dylan was hitting on her . . . so embarrassing ) . We got our food and then talked . All of my previous negative feelings towards him disappeared . It was like old times . He acts so much better when he 's just around me . We joked around , talked about serious stuff , everything . Oh , and he apologized for seeming mean back at Justin 's house , said he was just annoyed with all of them . I thought that was really sweet for him to bring that up , since it had been about 4 hours since we edited the script . I told him it was fine and I understood . When I got home , I got a message from him saying he couldn 't go tomorrow and his dad said he couldn 't do anything with us all week . He said it was punishment for the way he was at the beach . I was pissed , and so was he . When the group found out they decided to do another video without him , which he wasn 't too happy about but said it was fine cause there was nothing he could do . So that means another week ( at least ) without him . I thought this was over ! ! ! It sucks because I wasn 't expecting today to be our last day together . I want more time with him . His parents have put me through enough going on vacation for a week , and now they are taking him away from me again ? ? The only good thing that may come out of this is he might be online a lot this week . Now that he knows about Skype , I may convince him to download it even though he doesn 't have a cam , so we can at least talk . I even considered buying him a webcam . . . but that may be too much . I don 't really have too much money to spend right now . So I wanted to do this entry a little differently than normal . I was thinking a lot last night about my childhood and how my life used to be before all this bi / gay stuff became important . No , I don 't mean just sexual experiences , but anything in general ( playing with Hot Wheels cars in the yard , going exploring in the woods , or just playing pretend ) . So I decided to do this entry on it . ( This was originally going to be titled " Experimentation " but decided not to since it will cover different things . The earliest memory I have of anything that hinted to be what most consider " experimenting ' , was with my friend Jacob . He lived in my neighborhood right across the street and we were best friends for the majority of my growing up . We hung out almost every day , and rarely had any big arguments . He was 3 years older , but I didn 't let that come in the way of our friendship . I remember one time when I was about 8 or 9 we were playing in the woods along the road and hiding from cars . We tended to do this a lot , I 'm not even sure why . It 's not like we were doing anything to get in trouble . But I remember one day as we were laying behind a log , Jacob and I had the following conversation : There were also other instances with Jacob where we would go behind my house and " do things " . Again , I don 't remember what , and I don 't think there was any touching involved . I only remember one occasion where I dared him to stand behind the house completely naked . He told me not to look , but I did anyways , for 6 seconds . We also built a secret treehouse in the woods , but we never used it for anything besides talking . Now Jacob is 21 and we haven 't talked in over 6 years . I guess we just kind of lost interest in each other . Oh , and he 's definitely straight . But I do wish we had actually done something more . . . err . . . erotic ? While I 'm on the topic , there were also some other kids Jacob hung out with that i didn 't like . They were all brothers or cousins or something . The youngest was about 7 and the oldest 16 ( I was 11 at the time ) . I remember they did a lot of mean things , but i still hung out with them . There was this one point where we were at the creek and they tried to convince me to take my clothes off and get in . I didn 't want to , so they called me names and then got in themselves . I didn 't stick around long , but I did notice that some of them were playing with themselves and getting the youngest one to help them . I ran off crying because of the things they called me . If it would have been now , I would have sooooo stayed to watch and join in haha . I guess the only real sex play I had was with this other neighborhood kid that i didn 't become very close with until I was about 11 . He was 2 years younger . We never did any of the normal hanging out stuff , just video games or whatever . But I do remember he came with us on vacation on several occasions when we took our RV . Every time my parents went to the beach alone they left us there . We would start out playing video games , which we alternated who 's turn it was every hour . But sometimes , Caleb ( the friend ) would want an extra hour , so he would ask what he could do to make me let him play . Not a good question to ask an 11 year old with raging hormones just going through puberty . So I told him to let me watch him change out of his bathing suit . So he did so , right in front of me . For some reason , I went in for a hug , which he accepted . i held him tightly , and i could feel him get hard , and I was probably the hardest I had ever been in my life . ( Note : I PROMISE this is the only time i will get sexual like this in my blog ! ) We tried to fall over onto the bed , but only caught the edge and then slowly fell over to the ground . I felt tingly all over , better than an orgasm . I can 't explain the feeling other than it was pure Ecstasy ( It is worth mentioning that to this day I have never experienced that same feeling ) . He told me that was enough , so i let him go , and he got his extra hour . After the first time , it was hard to stop this " deal " . Over time the tasks became more and more extravagant . I would have him get completely naked on the couch , and to let me give him the " good feeling " . I 'm not sure if I could cum at that point , but I definitely knew how to masturbate . He actually liked me doing it , and sometimes I would get him to do it to me until " white stuff came out " . this continued for the next 2 or 3 years we went on vacation , but we also did it some at my house or his . I remember going into the woods when i had just turned 13 after I promised myself that I wouldn 't do stuff like that with him anymore . We went to this place across the creek and he stripped completely nude . At this point he could ejaculate , but not really thick enough to be cum yet . I sometimes would put his dick in my mouth to catch it and swallow . This eventually led to sucking . Caleb moved away when I was 15 , which i wasn 't too hurt by since we hadn 't talked in about a year . And I never really grew attached to him , just our private time together . I never " liked " him or wanted to go out with him . Just liked playing with his body . I was such a player , haha . Oh and by the way , he never did anything more than jack me off . And that was only 2 or 3 times . This all goes to say , I haven 't really had much experience with " sex play " when I was younger , besides what I did with Caleb . i think if I had done that stuff with Jacob , I would have grown attached because I considered him my best friend . Caleb was just a friend who I occasionally played video games with and did some masturbating with . Do any of you want to share your experiences with me ? I added a contact form ( you can click the link at the top ) . I feel like that would be less intimidating than writing an email if you didn 't want to give away your identity . But you can always email me at TristanTalks @ gmail . com Sorry if that got a little too sexual . I was motivated by stories like that I 've read online , plus i was getting a little turned on thinking about it . Trust me , I could have went into a lot more detail than that . But I 'm not here to turn all of you on ( sorry ! ) . PS : Mikey wanted me to Skype him last night ( Dylan convinced him to use it ) . We only talked for 10 minutes but it was a relief to see he was okay . plus his lower resolution cam made him look even hotter than he is in person . He 's coming home tomorrow ! We we we so excited . I want to consider this new selection of entries the PREQUEL to Tristan Talks . I realize there are many typos and grammatical errors but try to overlook that . I was only 16 and was only writing to an audience of 2 or 3 regular readers . Blake - I 'm over him , WAY over him . He has changed a lot since his freshman year ( he 's soon to be a junior ) . He still looks good , not going to lie , but he is a pothead now and is constantly posting rap quotes about getting high on Facebook . I haven 't chatted with him since class with him , but this past Christmas , the drama club was doing a gift wrapping at the mall and we ran into each other in the bathroom ( which is interesting because that 's where I had my first meeting with him at school , lol ) . We said hey to each other and that was about it . Other than that , we have had no contact . Lilly - She is still a close friend of mine , and I do still have some interest in her , but she has a boyfriend now and is going overseas for an exchange year in Europe ( jealous ) . She still acts a little shy around me , but I can 't blame her because I 'm the same way around her . I just wish we were closer . Alejandro - He 's even more of a flamer than he was back then . I have no interest in him at all . He has lost his cute factor , and has become really stuck up . He hangs out with all the preppy girls and puts on a fake attitude of being super gay . When anyone thinks of gay people at my school , they think of him . It 's disgusting . No contact since previously mentioned besides comments on Facebook statuses . Duncan - I lost interest in him over time because of his weirdness . I liked him because of it at first , but then he just proved to me that he wasn 't gay but instead a huge video game nerd with 2 or 3 friends that he 'd do anything for . We tried making videos together at one point but he 'd rather do it with his other friends . We still talk ( in fact he just messaged me today asking if I wanted to help with a project , I said yes but I 'm beginning to regret my decision ) . As you can see , although my attraction to Blake was VERY strong , but it was still nothing compared to Mikey . I said something along the lines of " true love can only come from distancing yourself from someone , and seeing Blake everyday , I will never reach that point with him " . With Mikey , I don 't see him every day , and I think that has caused my feelings for him to be stronger than anyone before . So yeah , I hope you enjoy my past entries for what they are worth . I wanted to share them because I felt they deserved to be here since they are pretty much the same thing . You will notice I considered myself bisexual in the earlier ones , which slowly progressed to gay . That a boylover will stay with the same boy after he has passed the age of attraction and we live happily ever after is the Gold Ring of Boylove Lore . Don 't fool yourself . It has never happened . If it has , I 'd like to know about it . Loving boys is who we are . Yes , I can have feelings for someone older , even grow old together . But my life mate has to understand what I 'm attracted to - that will never change . To think otherwise is leading a life of denial and dissatisfaction . Maybe it was wrong for me to consider myself a boylover in the first place then . But please don 't try to tell me that I would be fooling myself if I believed that my future with Mikey would continue after he gets older . Not everyone is the same . Gay , straight , boylover , whatever . You can 't judge how my heart and mind works just because it has " never happened before " . That 's why I try to avoid labels , I am myself and I 'm not trying to limit my feelings to a social classification . I haven 't received as many questions as I would have liked , but I figured I had enough to go ahead and write the entry . On a side note , I tried sharing the blog on other boylover websites , and they weren 't as receptive as I would have liked . Apparantly they think this blogging thing is too darn dangerous for me and I 'm at a huge risk . I hope you ( my regular readers ) do not feel that way and see more than this " danger " they speak of in my posts . Suppose Mikey comes back from the beach and says he 's decided he 's gay and wants to be in a relationship with you . What happens then ? You 'll soon be off to college . Would you try to make it work long - distance ? As if that would ever happen , haha . But yes , I think I would try to make it work . Especially while we are still together . But I think that I won 't hold him to it once I go away . I will tell him to not feel like he has to stay true to me , but if he ever needs me I 'm always here for him . And when I come back ( breaks / summer ) we can decide from there if we want to continue our relationship . I don 't think I would be too hurt if he didn 't want to because I 'm happy that he has accepted himself . What happens when Mikey ages out of your " age of attraction " ? Will you have to end the relationship ? What if he 's not ready to end it at that point ? I think once I 'm hooked on a person , I 'm hooked for good . Even when I don 't find them as physically attractive as I once did . For me it isn 't all about physical attraction . The only issue is , that 's the only thing separating me from being bi . Do I think that I will be as attracted to him as I once was ? No . But at least I have that memory of him and hopefully by then we would have developed something much deeper . Do you see yourself as needing to have a series of relationships with a series of boys ? No . I am the type to be true to one person . Even know I feel bad about liking other boys other than Mikey . And I know that as I get older , relationships with the guys I find attractive will become harder and harder to come across . I do see myself in relationships with older guys , but that doesn 't mean I 'm still not attracted to younger ones . I just know that I will have reached a point where the likelihood and possible lawsuits of that would be impossible . But yes , I do plan on working with children in the future , but not as in " relationships " . At the end of a previous post you made , you wrote that the next post would be on " experimentation . " But then the next post was about your coming out to Mikey , and apparently you either never got back to this intended topic , or thought better of it . Will you ever discuss this topic on your blog ? There is not a reason that I did not write on this topic . As mentioned , the next day was a huge milestone that I needed to record . After that I completely forgot about my idea on doing an entry based on that . Now that I think about it , I really wouldn 't have much to write on that topic because I have very little experience with it . If I did , it would be about my views on it and how it affects ( or doesn 't affect ) sexuality . But yes , I may decide to write on it some day . What made you start the blog Tristan Talks ? As mentioned in other entries , this is not my first blog discussing the topic . I decided to start Tristan Talks because I wanted a fresh start , meaning I would be more descriptive , more personal , and more secure . I started blogging about my sexuality mainly for myself , and I would definitely recommend it , even if it is just in a personal journal . Getting it out in words instead of just your head is relaxing and helps take the pressure off . Plus , I wanted to find people I could relate to , who are going through the same things as me , and hopefully be of help to them in their dark times . That is about it for the questions . I will do another one of these whenever I receive enough questions . I 'm curious why I didn 't receive any more this time . Is there a reason a lot of you didn 't ask anything ? If you are hesitant about emailing me , then please let me know and I will come up with other ways for you to submit questions . I want this to be a time where you can interact with me , because I feel doing so will help make this blog more relevant and personal with my readers . Day 5 without Mikey . Surprisingly I 'm surviving . Especially after he commented on one of my statuses joking about being pregnant saying to " stop with the gay stuff " . That kind of made me mad a bit . . . okay a lot . Luckily my friends saw it and defended me . I feel that he kind of got what he deserved , but then again I hope h 's not too upset about it for me not defending him . We will see if he ever brings it up . I wanted to write a quick entry for something new I 'm thinking of trying . I want to occasionally do a post answering you guys ' questions . Either about my life , anything I post about , or things I don 't post about . This ia chance for you to interact with me and ask those burning questions you 've been dying to ask . Doesn 't matter how personal , sexual , or disturbing they may be . Well , to an extent at least haha . Please send your questions to TristanTalks @ gmail . com . I will not share your name or email when I do the entry , only the question you ask . Please send me some , even if you think they may not be good enough . I 'd rather answer many simple questions than only one or two detailed ones . I admit , there was a short time that i questioned myself and God about being gay or not . I felt like I was but I really didn 't know if that was for selfish reasons or something else . Then I realized the larger picture . I want to raise a family of my own . I like girls because they are compassionate , which a lot of guys lack . I saw that I could never see myself in a relationship with another guy . I never accepted the fact that i might be gay , and I 'm glad I didn 't . But yeah , i feel like physically , my attraction leads more to guys . Of course , no one in person knows that and never will know unless I really trusted them . I don 't know why I feel this way but I mean , there is nothing I can do about it . I am still attracted to girls , but only to their face . I know it sounds weird but when I see boobs and stuff , it doesn 't really " turn me on " . I know that sounds really perverted , lol . However , when I see a guy or something at the beach with no shirt and a tight bathing suit or whatever , i find myself attracted to him . Now that 's not saying I 'd go out and molest him ( EWW ! ) but it does make me realize that he is cute . I hope this doesn 't gross you out or anything . I 've been going through it for years but never really felt comfortable enough to share it with you until you shared what you did with me . If this does creep you out , let me know and ask any questions . No , i 'm not gay or bi , I am straight . When i said attracted to guys , i didnt mean only sexual . I mean just physically . Not comparing , but i do notice how cute they are in the face . I know that sounds weird , but I don 't really see it as a bad thing that i can tell when both guys and girls are cute . Of course I 'd never call a guy cute to his face , but to myself i think it . Now it may be a different story with a girl : ) Still , it 's nothing more than thoughts , i 'd never get in a relationship or sexual relationship with a guy . Sexual relationship as in full blown out sex . I don 't like the thought of that anyways . Most guys my age are always thinking about ( or having ) sex with girls , but personally , i don 't really see it as anything i look forward to . The actual sex part that is . However , when i imagine stuff with guys it seems so much better than with a girl . I don 't know why . Hey , at least I won 't be have to worry about getting a girl pregnant if I don 't want to do it anyways , haha . That can wait until marriage . Ok i 'm grossing you out , my bad . Just trying to let you know that I am not just some weirdo - gay - whad or whatever . ; ) I believe I have told you before , but not so plainly , that I have somewhat of a physical attraction to guys . That 's something NO ONE in real life knows about but I trust you with it . It 's something that I cannot control . It doesn 't mean I am gay . I still have an emotional attraction to girls and look to them for relationships . But for me now , I do not have any sexual attraction to women . Maybe ( and hopefully ) that will change as I get older . But it 's something that I don 't think about nor worry about too much . I would be worried if I made the decision to not be attracted myself , but I have always been that way and I feel that is the way God has made me . My attraction to guys is nothing more than physical and I would never be open about it . The weird thing about it is , I have a very limited range of guys that I am attracted to . Mainly guys 12 - 15 . I feel this range is broadening as I get older . It 's not something I chose , it 's the way I have always thought . I have talked with a friend about it online ( he is much older ) and he believes it is just an attraction to the innocence of boyhood as he calls it . He used to work with a lot of teens who have problems , whether they are from a divorced family , gay , bi , suicidal , etc . He believes it is something I will always have with me but it will weaken as I get older and my attraction will start to shift back to girls . I don 't think I 'm gay , and I don 't want to be . That 's why I 'm hoping he is right . I don 't want to live with no sexual attraction to my wife . Then I would feel like I am not being true to her . But then again if I do not get over it , I don 't really know what will happen . . . That 's why I try not to think about it too much and hopefully God will sort things out as I mature . Please don 't think any differently about me because of this . Like I said before I believe I have hinted towards this but not came right out and said it . When I say the age range 12 - 15 , this does not mean anything other than I am attracted to them physically . No , I 'm not gonna be a child molester - - - - - - - - - - So yeah , I found these interesting to look back on and maybe you will find them interesting as well . As you can see I was still questioning / denying my sexuality at that time , but that was because I was still largely influenced by my Christian background . Plus the guy I was sending them to was very religious . Over the last week or so there has been a lot of drama in our group , much of which I tried to avoid . Mikey and Dylan are going to the beach together from the 2nd - 9th . A few of the others wanted to work on a separate video while they were gone . I didn 't have a problem with it , but when Mikey and Dylan found out about it they raised hell . A lot of arguing and swearing back and forth between all of them . Then it came to the point where Dylan called me and basically said he 's kicking them out of the group and I had to chose a side , his and Mikey 's , or theirs . Now remember , the others hadn 't done or said anything to me to make me feel any hatred towards them . Actually I thought Mikey and Dylan were being really immature reacting like that . But when confronted with this question , I basically had two options : Doing so would cause an instant breakup of the group . Meaning no more videos , unless Mikey or Dylan wanted to . Ajnd lately they had been really off and on with keeping the group or not . The plus side would be I would gain more respect from Mikey and essentially grow closer to him because I chose him over the rest . This could result in more alone time with him and could eventually lead to more . . . Doing so would cause a strong negative reaction with Mikey and Dylan . They would cut off contact with me , at least for a while . I don 't think it would be for very long though , knowing them and what I hope has caused Mikey to become somewhat attached to me . Like I said , the other members hadn 't done anything to me , and all they wanted to do is start another video with Mikey and Dylan were on vacation , just to keep things moving . They weren 't trying to exclude them from the group , like they took to be true . So it would go against my morals ( fairness to all ) to just be like " screw them " and side with Mikey . Soon after that I went to bed . I was feeling very uneasy about the whole situation . I didn 't want Mikey to hate me for not siding with me , but I knew that I did the right thing . The next day I hung out with my other friend . Mikey tried calling me at one point but I ignored it and messaged him on Facebook saying I would call him back later . Well I found out from Dylan ( by text ) that they had all made up and we were all one group again . WTF ? ? After all that drama the night before , you " made up " ? ? Whatever , I told them all the drama was unnecessary . Later that night I went to Mikey 's house for some one - on - one editing practice , but he spent most of the time making a " special " video for me called " Just Try It " using the song " I Kissed a Girl " , haha . But I enjoyed our time together , we had a lot of interesting eye - contact moments , where we would look at each other without saying anything for a few seconds at a time . Is that a normal thing that people do when they like each other . I 'm 19 years old and live in the USA . I 'm a gay boy - lover , but only out to a few people . This is my diary . Well first things first . I 'm Tristan Skyler . I 'm 17 years old and live in the United States . I started this journal so I could ex . . . I said no , no , no . Okay , another day without Mikey but to be honest , I kept my mind busy with other things . I think I 'm finally gettin . . . |
I 'd heard about Reddit but didn 't know much about it . I even had an account there that I 'd never used . I admit , I didn 't understand the site that well . I was researching where to submit short stories and came up a few podcast that publish stories in audio . I find this very interesting . There was a podcast called No Sleep that had two such stories nominated for parsec awards . So I checked them out . Turns out the podcast stems from a subreddit called NoSleep . Writers can submit stories to the subreddit , but there are a few rules . They have to be more or less of the horror variety ( right up my alley ) and they have to be told as if they were real stories . They aren 't required to be real . Who could prove that anyway ? But they must be told in first person and even in the comments you must stay in the character that you wrote the story in . I have a story that I thought would work nicely . I submitted it and … nothing . Turns out there was something wrong with my account and I needed to create a new one . I resubmitted and … nothing . It was a flash piece that I posted her last week called Outside . I thought it was good . So did my girlfriend who actually told me that should be the story that I submitted . People just didn 't find it interesting I guess . At first I took the blow to my ego pretty hard . The " I 'm a good writer , right ? " , the " I suck and should just leave the story telling to the professionals " , the " What do they know , they are reading stories from a website . " On a fluke , I posted another story . It 's one that I didn 't know would do very well at all . I have some reservations about it and , to be honest , I hadn 't edited . I did this really early in the day and left it until later that night without checking on it . When I got back to it I was a little overwhelmed by the positive response . It was one of the top new stories on the subreddit and there were so many comments I didn 't know how I was going to reply to them all . NoSleep has a monthly contest and I was motivated enough to enter the story . We 'll see how that comes out . It 's like a force of nature , grief . It sweeps over you like a storm , freezes you with its chill , buries you in its shifting memories and emotions , and holds you down like gravity . I can say part of me was actually a little surprised by the impact of hearing of Wayne 's death . But another part , deeper , buried beneath layers of scar tissue , wasn 't surprised at all . Not after Kelsey , anyway . Nothing surprised me after her . The real surprise that night came as a pecking . A tap - tap - tap on my bedroom window . I ignored it at first . It was a branch against the window . The house settling . Hell , my overactive and stressed imagination . I even tried to tell myself it was Igor 's tail slapping against the leg of the bed . But I knew better on some level , especially with Igor . He 'd taken up a new sleeping post by Kelsey 's crib these last few weeks . After a few minutes and several more taps , I rubbed at tired eyes and sat up . There was a silhouette showing through my bedroom window . A silhouette I knew , or I thought I knew . What I knew to be true and what I was seeing , pressed against each other in my mind . I slid legs that didn 't want to move from the bed and tried to place my feet on the floor of my bedroom as quietly as possible although I had no idea why . The tapping came again , and a chill ran up my spine at the same time a fire lit inside me . I needed to know , I needed to see . I hurried to the window , but my hand paused on the curtain covering it . Kelsey . If who I thought was behind this curtain , was behind this curtain , I felt certain I knew what it meant for me . But what of my daughter . I 'd told Wayne I 'd leave him if he hurt me and I did , but what if he 'd hurt my daughter ? What if he 'd come back for Kelsey like he 'd threatened . Last I saw him before he died , he told me if I left him he come back and take her from me . I didn 't know how or why , and I didn 't care . Somehow he was alive . He was alive , and he 'd come here to kill me and take my baby . I closed the curtain and ran to my bedside table to get the gun . Before I 'd gotten to the top of the steps I heard him pounding on the door . I checked the clip and switched off the safety while descending the stairs . I wasn 't taking any chances . He banged on the door again but said nothing . Aiming the gun at the door I reached forward and pulled back the door chain . He must have heard it because his pounding increased . I flipped the deadbolt unlocked and backed away from the door , both hands now firmly holding the gun . I don 't know how long I stood there , but I was holding the gun so tight my forearms ached . I took a step forward , and the doorknob turned . I stopped and waited . I heard the latch slide back scraping lightly against the strike plate . My finger squeezed on the trigger , waiting . The door creaked , sliding open an inch at a time . Slow , no force behind it . I waited . There was no one behind it . He was playing some kind of game . He was hiding and baiting me out . Sweat beaded my forehead and a line of it ran and tickled at the side of my face . I stepped forward when the door was fully open . I stayed to the far right of it . No one stood outside in that direction . I scanned the other way . Careful to keep the aim up but not so far out from by body it could be grabbed . No one in either direction . For a moment , one ridiculous moment , I wondered if I 'd somehow imagined this whole thing . Then I saw him . He was in the yard hiding behind a tree . He peeked around at me but ducked back behind it . " Wayne , " I called out , but I had nothing else to say . Could think of no threat and didn 't want to tell him to go . If he went I couldn 't kill him . Wayne was always a bully . Even when we 'd first began dating but back then I could excuse it . Stupid little pranks like noogies , pinches , and hair pulling . And the one I hated most . Hitting me in the pit of my knee and making me fall . That 's how I ended up lying on the porch . My body so tense I had no ability to catch myself . But something hit me in the pit of my knee and I went straight down . Lucky the gun didn 't go off . When I turned to look back Wayne was standing inside the doorway . His silhouette nearly covering the entire doorway . All I could see of him was the white of his smile and a strange unnatural glint in his eye . The door slammed shut without him touching it . I want to blog . I think about it at least once a day . Admittedly while reading someone else 's blog which helps to remind me . . . of blogging . . . And that I 'm not blogging . Sometimes I wonder if I have enough to say . I should , I 'm a writer , right ? I tell stories . I make them up . Should I put that on the blog ? Or should I blog about the struggles of telling those stories ? Should I blog about the process ? The stumbles ? The progress ? I mean , I 'd only do it once or twice a week . I would want to plan them out ( not like this . This is just me typing out my thoughts while I wait for my frozen pizza to come out of the oven ) I could tell true stories . Stories that inspired the ones that I make up . I don 't want to bitch and complain about life and all that jazz . Although , I do . I guess I don 't want to want to , if that makes sense . Something I admire about some people , Kevin Smith comes to mind . They can be so completely honest . Spilling their thoughts and feelings out for anyone to see , hear , or read . I have trouble doing that . Not that I 'm not an honest person . I guess I have trouble being an open person . ( Oops I just did it ) I 'm a private person . I 've had close friends that don 't believe that . I guess I 'm open to a point , but there is so much that I don 't let out . I guess everyone is like that to a point . Hey , I know I haven 't posted for awhile and this is one of the reasons . Guest blogging is hard work . Anyway , I did this for another of the Wicked Wordsmithians ( hey , new word ) at her blog Marble 's Words . But you 'll learn all about that below and maybe a little more about me . A : Well , lots of things . Like just earlier I wrote my name . I wrote a couple of little stories in an anthology last year around Halloween ( Hey Marsha , you were there too ! ! ) . It 's called Wicked Words and you can find it here ( Shameless Self Promotion ) . I 've written loads of other things . A couple of books about a three year old girl who can see spirits who have passed on . A crazy amount of short stories . I 'm working on two books right now , a YA Zombie Apocalypse story ( I know , zombies , right ? ) and I 'm finishing up my NaNo novel which is a supernatural story about a couple of guys who return home to find a cult has been kidnapping children , but why ? Oh , and my zombie cookbook ! ! A : I usually just string words together that I type into this tiny machine . In the past , I would just write when I could . Usually late at night after the world has gone to sleep and I could focus on what goes bump in the night . That worked with varying degrees of success . Sometimes 2000 words , sometimes 200 . However , during this last year 's NaNo I figured out during one of our Write - Ins that I got more out in timed sprints than I did in marathons . Meaning that writing for 15 to 20 minutes and then breaking for a breather and then going in again resulted in me getting more words ( and often better words ) on the page in nearly the same amount of time . So , I started putting this into my daily writing . I also started writing at different times of the day , morning , afternoon , and evening . Whenever I could find a block of time where I could get some words in . And I wrote more that month than I 've ever written . Yay me ! ! I finished out Nano with over 70 , 000 . I think the reason for this was that I was less stressed and creatively fatigued . Also , I had time to give a treat to the muse I keep in a cage under my desk . A : I steal them from other , more successful writers . I 'm only half kidding . Everything has been done , sometimes you gotta . But more or less I get them from everywhere . Prompts , seeing people walk down the street , an old episode of The X - Files , the muse I keep in a cage under my desk , a trip to the pharmacy at Wal - Mart . Everywhere . Oh , and shame on you for even asking that question . A : Another crazily unfair question ! ! There are too many . But , gun to my head , Stephen King . Why ? He 's Stephen Freaking King . There 's a reason he 's the king and it 's not just because his daddy married his mommy and they loved each other in a tight love - hug to make him and gave him the name . He never ceases to amaze and entertain me . I 'd love to pick his brain … and talk to him about writing . Again , gun to my head , I 'd have to say Jo from my little girl sees dead people novel , Kyriel ( Coming Soon ) . She 's sassy , spunky , fearless , and loyal and tons of fun to write . I can 't wait to share that book with people and she 's one of the top reasons . A : You mean after finishing this cruel test of yours ? Breakfast . Oh , you mean as a writer ? More writing . We have another anthology planned this year , so that 's fun . I also plan on getting some professional editing on the books that I have done and try to get them out by traditional publishing and if nothing bites , I 'll go the self - publishing route . I also need to finish up last year 's NaNo novel and I have another novel I 'm ready to start when that 's finished about a killer vigilante who is kind of like the lovechild of Batman and Sheriff Buford Pusser . Q : What book other than your own would you want to see made into a movie ? What book do you hope is never made into a movie ? Why ? A : Hmm , I just finished a book last week by Caroline Kepnes called YOU . If done right it would be amazing . I couldn 't help but imagine what it would look like as a movie . Also , Joe Hill 's NOS4A2 . That would be crazy fun on the big screen . Sadly , most of the books that I hope aren 't made have already been made . The good and the bad . But I still hold out hope that Taken by the T - Rex remains only on the page . A : Write with your left hand . But other than that , I 'm not sure that I 've gotten any bad writing advice . Even when I didn 't agree with it or it turned out to be something that didn 't work out for me I still learned something about writing and about myself as a writer . I 've had plenty of people tell me that I should be doing something else with my time or that I should write differently but I 've had more people tell me that I should be a writer and that they liked the way I spun a yarn . So , there you have it . Marsha here post a lot more on her blog , you should check it out to see more writers tips and guest blog post and . . . and . . . other stuff . Who 's got time to read all of that ? I don 't even have time to post . Seriously though , check her out . During Nano I came to a point in my story where I needed to have a character say a few weird things in his sleep . I 've had a few of these experiences in the past that I wanted to use but I decided to ask the Official NanoWriMo Facebook page " Anyone want to give me some crazy things you 've heard people say in their sleep ? " to see if I could get a few examples from others . I was extremely surprised at the response . In all , over 170 folks chimed in with hilarious and creepy samples of somniloquy . My brother woke me up one night because he was calling out my name , like he needed help . My husband has had a full conversation with me while I was asleep , and I 've had conversations with him too . Neither of us remember what we said in the morning . I woke up in the middle of the night to find my boyfriend facing me with his eyes open . He goes , " Watch out , watch out , watch out . Watch out for the coming man . " And then I promptly shat the bed . My husband said that his ex wife made him promise not to give her son bacon . She is a vegetarian , while she was asleep , she woke him up to say this . Wouldn 't leave him alone until he promised My younger brother was sleeping on the couch one time when he started laughing and pointed , yelling , " Hey ! Look at the Goomba ! " He then laid back down and kept sleeping . It sounded like it started mid - sentence , and he was a high schooler at the time . Very . . video game dreams for a guy that age . XD He used to sleep on the couch all the time , and he talked in his sleep . . a lot . He could even hold conversations with us . Especially me . Probably because I knew exactly what he was talking about all the time . But if I tried to hold a conversation about dinner or something mundane like that , it wouldn 't really register . It had to make sense in his dream . And if I 'm asking about dinner in the real world , I 'm not really acknowledging his dream world . Heh . XD My sister had a friend that would talk about whatever you asked her to . In her sleep . We could also tell her to do things and she would . So weird . I had an hour - long conversation with a friend on a phone while completely asleep . She said I was perfectly coherent . I didn 't remember any of it the next day , but my parents saw me lying on the bed talking on the phone , so it apparently happened . I also translated a whole document while asleep at my computer . It was perfectly coherent , yet completely unrelated to the original document . Very weird . My husband goes to work in his sleep . Seriously , he 's ( apparently ) taken full orders for KFC before , ( I didn 't know him when he worked at KFC ) and I heard him have one half of a call with a customer when he worked for a phone company . The end of the call was something like , " Now that I have gone over your bill and done an engine pull , does were there any other questions for me , or does that resolve the reason for your call . " My husband once shook me awake with an urgent " What was that ? ! ? ! " While staring off into a dark corner of the bedroom . I woke up in a panic , sat up , looked where he was looking and whisper - screamed " What ? What is it ? " My wife woke me up one night by saying , in a very calm , elevator computer voice , " Almost four . Time for some more . Thank you . " And then I woke her up laughing . " Hand me a book to fart in ! " My aunt Ginny said this when she was 10 or so . Also , my ex - husband would sit up in bed deep sea fishing screaming " Fish on ! " Thank God I 'm not alone ! 1 . A girl from my dorm had recently lost her father and was once talking in her sleep ; the girl in the bed right next to her woke up and wanted to check on her but said she saw a white figure between their beds , got scared , closed her eyes and waited til morning . The next day the sleep - talking girl said she had dreamed she was talking to her dad . 2 . i used to sleep on the top level and a friend of mine ( who used to sleep talk and sometimes sleep walk ) slept on the bunk bellow mine . One morning a couple of our dorm mates told us we had scared them during the night , coz we were both talking ; they said they first thought we were awake and just chatting , but then they noticed she was sleep - talking in Spanish and i was sleep - talking in English . I said to my husband as he walked into the room , " Where is the Novocaine ? " Sat up and shut out the light still muttering about it . I can only go off what he said … . I haven 't had it since I was in elem school so … ? " Sit . Sit ! … Come here ! … Roll over ! … * annoyed * It 's just standing there ! … * dawning realization * Ooooh , this potty doesn 't want to be trained . Bad potty ! " Oh yeah , and a gem from a few weeks ago . Apparently , my chair is chapter nine , and chapter nine is life . He was too annoyed that I asked what he meant to explain it to me , and had no memory of it the next morning . Dude , these are all fabulous . You guys are some hilarious motherf * * * ers when you 're sleeping ! The most exciting thing I do while I sleep is giggle creepily . My husband says it 's almost a nightly occurrence . I apparently used to sing in my sleep . I was once at a summer camp with a really loud sleep talker and walker who had recurring dreams about Dorothy and the Wizard of Oz . Ooh , and there was a candy mountain included . Had a roomie yell KILL IT ! ! ! Kill it ! She was dreaming there was a spider and would not stop yelling until I clapped my hands and said it 's dead . I had a roommate that would scream like she was being murdered . Terrifying , blood - curdling screams . My husband once sat straight up and said , " POE ! " Imagine being punched so hard in the stomach that you had the wind knocked out of you and saying " Poe " at the same time . That 's what it sounded like . My hubby " Oh my god ! There 's a f * cking bear and a wolf in camp ! They 're just outside ! Can 't you hear them ? " He stage whispered the whole bit , then fell back into a sound sleep . " Is the nose ready to put back on ? " ~ me , sleepwalking , age 10 . " It 's okay , we totally got this . Rainbow elephants , yeah . " ~ my husband , age 30 something . " But what about my bulk good needs ? ! " - I actually woke up mid sentence yelling that one . I was getting dragged out of Kostco in my nightmare for trying to use someone else 's membership card . I need a more entertaining life . We had just come home from a long day of Black Friday shopping , and I was so tired that I began dozing off on the couch within minutes of sitting down . I barely processed a question my daughter asked me , but I answered her saying , " Sure , as long as there aren 't any tags on it . " She shook me awake , and informed me that she had just asked if she and her brothers could watch a TV show . Oh my sister is a great fund of these things . " Shut up moons ! " " Don 't want the banana to eat Fred . " and " Because , cactus , magic beans . " Are my favorites xD I have been told that , when my daughter came upstairs one day while I was sick and asleep in bed , and asked me what she should have for dinner , I told her to have the " sauce that 's on the chair . " I , apparently , got agitated when she kept asking me the same question and kept repeating the same instructions to her , just more loudly each time . I remember none of this . ( My husband was home and made sure the kids were fed . I had the flu at the time . ) My dad is great for this ! According to mum the best things he 's said are " its okay , in a moment I 'll start breathing through my feet and if that doesn 't work , you can shoot me ! " on being asked by mum to stop snoring . He has also stated that he needs a one way visa to Vienna and that he needs a hat to stop his thoughts leaking out of his head . Just a few gems … My little sister once went , completely monotone , " I 'm watching you . " And then , about five minutes later - " I 'm still watching you . " I didn 't get much sleep that night . XD I once said , and I knew I was saying it when I said it , cause I asked and mom said she heard me say it . ' Get that male dog out of the backyard with Lucky . " We had a Shepherd Husky mix and I was dreaming about her , and there was a male dog with her ( she was fixed , but in my dream ; apparently not ) . I 've woken up mid - dream a few times , talking . My fiancé has been witness to this a few times and asked me what I said . I try to distract him and hope he forgets . Hahaha . " It 's falling ! It 's falling ! " This was my roommate who apparently believed the ceiling was falling . She had her hands up like she was holding it up . I came over and put my hands up too , told her " don 't worry , I got it " . She said " thanks " and rolled over back to sleep . My ex used to talk like he was playing one of his video games . " You go to the left . I 'll go to the right and we 'll flank them . " Things like that ( guess what he was playing nearly all day ) My mum , falling asleep whilst watching telly … " they look like gnomelets ! " " Why are they gnomelets , mum ? " " Because they 're small . Gnomelets are small … " This was about 7 years ago and I still have no bloody idea what she was on about … My mom is always nodding off in front of the TV and when she 's particularly sleepy she 'll start saying some weird stuff . The one that I remember the most was from a few years ago when she said , " Don 't look at me with sunshine in your eyes . " Whatever that is supposed to mean ! " Go ahead and try it ! Tell him to try it ! I dare him ! " * Next morning * " So who won the fight last night ? " Huh ? What fight ? Nevermind ……… My husband is a computer programmer . He talks code in his sleep , or says things like , " The server won 't make the call out , change the permissions … " Once he said he was on fire , but I think he was talking about his programming abilities … My Mom told me about this today . She woke up several weeks ago and could only think in Spanish . Her native language is English . She grew up in the valley in Texas and took Spanish in high school and college , but she 's far from fluent . Anyway , she woke up about an hour before her alarm went off and could only think in Spanish . She recognized that she couldn 't go to work that way and decided she needed to lie back down and get her English back before she got out of bed . My husband said , " Don 't put the children on the rack . " I answered him ( awake ) and said , " Why would I put the children on a rack ? " He replied , " You know , while we 're moving . " I have no idea what he was dreaming about , but at the time we had no children . So , there you have it , more blog than you could ever ask for . This was too much fun and I got quite a few good ones for my story ( and stories yet to come ) . I have to say though , my favorite has to be " Wolverine , no . " I really want to know what that dream was about . Also , I got several recommendations to visit another blog called Sleep Talking . Apparently , a loving wife has decided to record and blog about her husbands Nighttime utterances . I haven 't had a chance listen to much of what 's on there because , you know , Nano . But it 's not like I haven 't been writing . As a matter of fact , I just finished up NanoWriMo . ( Yeah , I know it was done two days ago but I took yesterday reeeeal slow and rested up ) But the cool thing is , NanoWriMo didn 't finish me . This is my second year winning Nano . I 'm pretty happy about that . A couple of my writing group buddies , Jon and Amanda , challenged each other to 100k this year and somehow I was challenged to do it too . My reaction to that was ' Why me ? ' but about halfway through I hit my stride . No wait , it was more like Turbo Boost . My goal has always been to write 2k a day . Not a small number , not a large number , but one that I thought was not only doable but wouldn 't tire me out and would let me be creative . But there were a couple of days this month were I turned out a larger number than I thought I would ever be able to do . But there 's a trick to it . You see , I noticed that when I went to Write - Ins I would churn out more words , 2500 to 3500 , but I was writing for almost the same amount of time . The difference is breaks . I get creative fatigue . I push to write and keep writing until my fingers go numb and my brain goes blah and I 'm tired , and I 'm frustrated , and I can 't think of what happens next . So , the next time I go to write , I don 't wanna . I 'm freeze up thinking that I won 't be able to create , I won 't be able get the words out . I 'm a failure , I suck , etc , etc . But this didn 't happen at the Write - Ins . It 's all about the breaks . So , one day after a Write - In ( this was just past the Nano mid - point ) and making just over 3000 words . I drove home thinking , ' Why can 't I do this all the time ? What 's the difference ? ' Anyway , we do word sprints . Our Super Duper ML , Julie , sets us up a time limit where we have to write as much as we can as fast as we can . Afterward , we get a treat . Well , sometimes . You have to win for most words or be close to the magic number . But more importantly , for me at least , was the break . So , after a 3000 word day , I went home and done it again . Set up a timer for twenty minutes and wrote my little heart out . Took a break . Then wrote for twenty minutes more . It may sound weird but those tiny breaks gave me a recharge and I wasn 't getting that brain freezing frustration . This Nano I learned more about the way that I need to be writing and how to get more writing done . I think I have about thirty to forty thousand words until I 'm done with this novel and with the Turbo Boost , I have hope that I 'll be getting that done a lot sooner that I would have before . I 'm aiming for about mid - December . The boy walked the trail up what the villagers called Bent Top Mountain , although it was no more a mountain than he was a man , bundled in a stolen blanket . He sucked at a stolen candy to keep his mouth moist in the dry winter air for he had no water or skin with which to carry it in . He wished he had something for his eyes . The cold dried them until they felt like stones in their sockets . But wishing would come later . He guessed that no one knew for sure why the man was a hermit as most of the villagers gave different reasons for it . One said he was horribly burned . Another that he was crazy with sickness . And , yet another said he was a murderer and hiding from justice . If someone asked the boy why he thought the man was a hermit , he would suggest that it was to keep away from villagers and their tall tales . But who was going to ask a boy ? The boy heard a noise and he stopped to listen for what it could have been . The wind died down a bit , besides he thought it may be something else . Something just as alive as the wind , but more dangerous . The wind would roar , but this was more of a growl . Looking into the trees , he only saw the wood and snow that one would expect to see on a cold winter day on a path such as this . He started forward once more . It wasn 't long before the trees grew scarce and the path widened to reveal stony ground and rock formations all along it . Within an the hour , he reached the hermit 's cave . When he approached he heard rustling in the brush again . This time , a large hound walked out and approached him . The beast stood almost as tall as the boy , its red eyes almost meeting his own . The boy tried to hold his fear like his breath and met the creature 's gaze . The beast moved slowly , sniffed at the boys collar through the blanket , lowered its head , did the same to his crotch , then his feet . Raising its head again to meet the boy 's eyes , it licked at his chin , then walked into the cave . The boy stood outside for a moment before following , trying to peer into the dark depths . It revealed nothing . His arm moved beneath his cloak as he checked for the knife in his belt . Finding it , he stepped into the cave . There was light . It didn 't brighten the cave gradually as if a torch approached . It was just there . The boy was surprised that he didn 't have to guard his eyes against the sudden brightness . His eyes were already adjusted . He didn 't see the hound that had met him at the mouth of the cave , but thought he felt it watching him . The cave was warm too . There was no sign of the cold from the outside . The boy looked down at the fire that blazed a few feet from him and removed the blanket . He sat next to the fire , placed his hands out to warm them , not knowing why . Just as his eyes had adjusted to the light , his skin was already warm as if he 'd been in the cave for hours . He didn 't call out again . The strangeness of all this seemed to have stolen his voice . Or at least his willingness to speak . He was content to wait . He figured that was the point . There was a fire with a log on each side for sitting . He was doing exactly what he thought was expected of him . He was patient . He saw his eyes first . They caught the light of the fire and shone in the darkness . When he emerged into full view , he was nothing like the boy expected . He wasn 't dressed in rags , but in clothes the boy did not recognize . Blue trousers of some strange material . His shirt looked to be of similar material , but less heavy with silvery buttons down the front . The hermit was wearing a hat with very little brim . It was covered in designs of flames and a horse with wheels where the legs should be . There were words in a language the boy didn 't recognize . " ' Course , " the hermit said , and sat on the other log . There was a strap draped across his chest with a large bag attached to it . He opened the bag and reached inside . The hermit pulled a box out that was in the shape of a casket , its top encrusted with shining stones . For a casket , it was small . But for something that would hold a Djinn , it looked big . " Three questions , " the hermit said . " You answer truthfully , you get the Djinn . You don 't … " He didn 't add more , but there was a darkness in his eyes that made the boy squeeze his blade 's handle . It was the boy 's turn to smile . " I 'm going to avenge my parents . " His eyes narrowed , he squeezed the blade handle tighter . Darkness . I opened my eyes . More Darkness . Disoriented , I lifted my head . The room spun and I tried to spin with it , to move . I pulled myself up , unable to see anything before me . I felt around , hands reaching , searching . Finding first a wall , then a light switch . I flip it . Nothing happened . More searching . My head pounded from the hangover . My stomach lurched , it 's contents rolled , looking for escape . Dammit . I bent over , vomited . A little better now , I resumed my search for light . Finally , a door knob . I turned it , opened the door and was hit with a sledgehammer . Light crashed into my eyes and continued on to shove pain throughout my brain . I recoiled , stifling the need to vomit and tried again to step through the door . Shielding my eyes , I made it out of the dark room and into a dirty kitchen . Plates , dishes , and moldy food strewn about . The sight of it , the smell , the food and mold . I vomited again . This time while bent over , I noticed I was wearing clothes I didn 't recognize as my own . And they were covered in blood . Holding the wall , I made my way through the kitchen to what I thought would be the front of the house . I didn 't recognize it . I 'd never been here before . It was old and trashy and smelled of mildew . I needed to get out of here . Get home . Try to forget what I couldn 't remember . The dead girl was naked . Blood leaked from the tattered remains of her neck down her legs . Her face was familiar to me , but only through the hazy glaze of alcohol . I 'd been at the bar last night . She had been there too . The longer I looked at her , the more that came back . She 'd invited us back to her house to continue partying . There were others there besides us . Matt stood in the door behind me . He 'd been with me at the bar last night , my best friend , helping me celebrate my new job . He 'd even bought me a t - shirt with a big thumbs up and " You the Man ! " printed across the chest . Cheesy ? Yes , but it was one of the bricks of our friendship . " Why 'd she bring us here if she didn 't want it ? " he said . He was looking past me at the dead girl . " Why would she do that ? " He continued as if I had not spoken . " She teased me and then she told me no . I thought it was a game , thought she was playing but when it was over . She started screaming , scratched me and … " He nodded toward the dead girl and drew his finger across his neck . He didn 't say anything , just nodded toward me . Finally , all too late , my drunk fuzzed head put it all together . I was wearing Matt 's clothes covered in the dead girls blood . " You slept with her , " he said . " You 're DNA is all over her . You 're already part of this . Why should we both go down , huh ? " I looked around . The girl had been a hoarder . Trash , cardboard boxes , and clothes were strewn about the room . But nothing I could use as a weapon . " I figure it 'll be your word against mine , but in the end the evidence is on you … literally . " He grinned again as he lit a cigarette with his Zippo . I rushed him , pushed him against the door frame . I grabbed the Zippo , then kicked at him until he went down . There was a bottle half full of whatever shit whiskey we had drank last night sitting on the counter . I grabbed it and poured its contents out on Matt as he tried to climb back up . |
I 'd heard about Reddit but didn 't know much about it . I even had an account there that I 'd never used . I admit , I didn 't understand the site that well . I was researching where to submit short stories and came up a few podcast that publish stories in audio . I find this very interesting . There was a podcast called No Sleep that had two such stories nominated for parsec awards . So I checked them out . Turns out the podcast stems from a subreddit called NoSleep . Writers can submit stories to the subreddit , but there are a few rules . They have to be more or less of the horror variety ( right up my alley ) and they have to be told as if they were real stories . They aren 't required to be real . Who could prove that anyway ? But they must be told in first person and even in the comments you must stay in the character that you wrote the story in . I have a story that I thought would work nicely . I submitted it and … nothing . Turns out there was something wrong with my account and I needed to create a new one . I resubmitted and … nothing . It was a flash piece that I posted her last week called Outside . I thought it was good . So did my girlfriend who actually told me that should be the story that I submitted . People just didn 't find it interesting I guess . At first I took the blow to my ego pretty hard . The " I 'm a good writer , right ? " , the " I suck and should just leave the story telling to the professionals " , the " What do they know , they are reading stories from a website . " On a fluke , I posted another story . It 's one that I didn 't know would do very well at all . I have some reservations about it and , to be honest , I hadn 't edited . I did this really early in the day and left it until later that night without checking on it . When I got back to it I was a little overwhelmed by the positive response . It was one of the top new stories on the subreddit and there were so many comments I didn 't know how I was going to reply to them all . NoSleep has a monthly contest and I was motivated enough to enter the story . We 'll see how that comes out . It 's like a force of nature , grief . It sweeps over you like a storm , freezes you with its chill , buries you in its shifting memories and emotions , and holds you down like gravity . I can say part of me was actually a little surprised by the impact of hearing of Wayne 's death . But another part , deeper , buried beneath layers of scar tissue , wasn 't surprised at all . Not after Kelsey , anyway . Nothing surprised me after her . The real surprise that night came as a pecking . A tap - tap - tap on my bedroom window . I ignored it at first . It was a branch against the window . The house settling . Hell , my overactive and stressed imagination . I even tried to tell myself it was Igor 's tail slapping against the leg of the bed . But I knew better on some level , especially with Igor . He 'd taken up a new sleeping post by Kelsey 's crib these last few weeks . After a few minutes and several more taps , I rubbed at tired eyes and sat up . There was a silhouette showing through my bedroom window . A silhouette I knew , or I thought I knew . What I knew to be true and what I was seeing , pressed against each other in my mind . I slid legs that didn 't want to move from the bed and tried to place my feet on the floor of my bedroom as quietly as possible although I had no idea why . The tapping came again , and a chill ran up my spine at the same time a fire lit inside me . I needed to know , I needed to see . I hurried to the window , but my hand paused on the curtain covering it . Kelsey . If who I thought was behind this curtain , was behind this curtain , I felt certain I knew what it meant for me . But what of my daughter . I 'd told Wayne I 'd leave him if he hurt me and I did , but what if he 'd hurt my daughter ? What if he 'd come back for Kelsey like he 'd threatened . Last I saw him before he died , he told me if I left him he come back and take her from me . I didn 't know how or why , and I didn 't care . Somehow he was alive . He was alive , and he 'd come here to kill me and take my baby . I closed the curtain and ran to my bedside table to get the gun . Before I 'd gotten to the top of the steps I heard him pounding on the door . I checked the clip and switched off the safety while descending the stairs . I wasn 't taking any chances . He banged on the door again but said nothing . Aiming the gun at the door I reached forward and pulled back the door chain . He must have heard it because his pounding increased . I flipped the deadbolt unlocked and backed away from the door , both hands now firmly holding the gun . I don 't know how long I stood there , but I was holding the gun so tight my forearms ached . I took a step forward , and the doorknob turned . I stopped and waited . I heard the latch slide back scraping lightly against the strike plate . My finger squeezed on the trigger , waiting . The door creaked , sliding open an inch at a time . Slow , no force behind it . I waited . There was no one behind it . He was playing some kind of game . He was hiding and baiting me out . Sweat beaded my forehead and a line of it ran and tickled at the side of my face . I stepped forward when the door was fully open . I stayed to the far right of it . No one stood outside in that direction . I scanned the other way . Careful to keep the aim up but not so far out from by body it could be grabbed . No one in either direction . For a moment , one ridiculous moment , I wondered if I 'd somehow imagined this whole thing . Then I saw him . He was in the yard hiding behind a tree . He peeked around at me but ducked back behind it . " Wayne , " I called out , but I had nothing else to say . Could think of no threat and didn 't want to tell him to go . If he went I couldn 't kill him . Wayne was always a bully . Even when we 'd first began dating but back then I could excuse it . Stupid little pranks like noogies , pinches , and hair pulling . And the one I hated most . Hitting me in the pit of my knee and making me fall . That 's how I ended up lying on the porch . My body so tense I had no ability to catch myself . But something hit me in the pit of my knee and I went straight down . Lucky the gun didn 't go off . When I turned to look back Wayne was standing inside the doorway . His silhouette nearly covering the entire doorway . All I could see of him was the white of his smile and a strange unnatural glint in his eye . The door slammed shut without him touching it . I want to blog . I think about it at least once a day . Admittedly while reading someone else 's blog which helps to remind me . . . of blogging . . . And that I 'm not blogging . Sometimes I wonder if I have enough to say . I should , I 'm a writer , right ? I tell stories . I make them up . Should I put that on the blog ? Or should I blog about the struggles of telling those stories ? Should I blog about the process ? The stumbles ? The progress ? I mean , I 'd only do it once or twice a week . I would want to plan them out ( not like this . This is just me typing out my thoughts while I wait for my frozen pizza to come out of the oven ) I could tell true stories . Stories that inspired the ones that I make up . I don 't want to bitch and complain about life and all that jazz . Although , I do . I guess I don 't want to want to , if that makes sense . Something I admire about some people , Kevin Smith comes to mind . They can be so completely honest . Spilling their thoughts and feelings out for anyone to see , hear , or read . I have trouble doing that . Not that I 'm not an honest person . I guess I have trouble being an open person . ( Oops I just did it ) I 'm a private person . I 've had close friends that don 't believe that . I guess I 'm open to a point , but there is so much that I don 't let out . I guess everyone is like that to a point . Hey , I know I haven 't posted for awhile and this is one of the reasons . Guest blogging is hard work . Anyway , I did this for another of the Wicked Wordsmithians ( hey , new word ) at her blog Marble 's Words . But you 'll learn all about that below and maybe a little more about me . A : Well , lots of things . Like just earlier I wrote my name . I wrote a couple of little stories in an anthology last year around Halloween ( Hey Marsha , you were there too ! ! ) . It 's called Wicked Words and you can find it here ( Shameless Self Promotion ) . I 've written loads of other things . A couple of books about a three year old girl who can see spirits who have passed on . A crazy amount of short stories . I 'm working on two books right now , a YA Zombie Apocalypse story ( I know , zombies , right ? ) and I 'm finishing up my NaNo novel which is a supernatural story about a couple of guys who return home to find a cult has been kidnapping children , but why ? Oh , and my zombie cookbook ! ! A : I usually just string words together that I type into this tiny machine . In the past , I would just write when I could . Usually late at night after the world has gone to sleep and I could focus on what goes bump in the night . That worked with varying degrees of success . Sometimes 2000 words , sometimes 200 . However , during this last year 's NaNo I figured out during one of our Write - Ins that I got more out in timed sprints than I did in marathons . Meaning that writing for 15 to 20 minutes and then breaking for a breather and then going in again resulted in me getting more words ( and often better words ) on the page in nearly the same amount of time . So , I started putting this into my daily writing . I also started writing at different times of the day , morning , afternoon , and evening . Whenever I could find a block of time where I could get some words in . And I wrote more that month than I 've ever written . Yay me ! ! I finished out Nano with over 70 , 000 . I think the reason for this was that I was less stressed and creatively fatigued . Also , I had time to give a treat to the muse I keep in a cage under my desk . A : I steal them from other , more successful writers . I 'm only half kidding . Everything has been done , sometimes you gotta . But more or less I get them from everywhere . Prompts , seeing people walk down the street , an old episode of The X - Files , the muse I keep in a cage under my desk , a trip to the pharmacy at Wal - Mart . Everywhere . Oh , and shame on you for even asking that question . A : Another crazily unfair question ! ! There are too many . But , gun to my head , Stephen King . Why ? He 's Stephen Freaking King . There 's a reason he 's the king and it 's not just because his daddy married his mommy and they loved each other in a tight love - hug to make him and gave him the name . He never ceases to amaze and entertain me . I 'd love to pick his brain … and talk to him about writing . Again , gun to my head , I 'd have to say Jo from my little girl sees dead people novel , Kyriel ( Coming Soon ) . She 's sassy , spunky , fearless , and loyal and tons of fun to write . I can 't wait to share that book with people and she 's one of the top reasons . A : You mean after finishing this cruel test of yours ? Breakfast . Oh , you mean as a writer ? More writing . We have another anthology planned this year , so that 's fun . I also plan on getting some professional editing on the books that I have done and try to get them out by traditional publishing and if nothing bites , I 'll go the self - publishing route . I also need to finish up last year 's NaNo novel and I have another novel I 'm ready to start when that 's finished about a killer vigilante who is kind of like the lovechild of Batman and Sheriff Buford Pusser . Q : What book other than your own would you want to see made into a movie ? What book do you hope is never made into a movie ? Why ? A : Hmm , I just finished a book last week by Caroline Kepnes called YOU . If done right it would be amazing . I couldn 't help but imagine what it would look like as a movie . Also , Joe Hill 's NOS4A2 . That would be crazy fun on the big screen . Sadly , most of the books that I hope aren 't made have already been made . The good and the bad . But I still hold out hope that Taken by the T - Rex remains only on the page . A : Write with your left hand . But other than that , I 'm not sure that I 've gotten any bad writing advice . Even when I didn 't agree with it or it turned out to be something that didn 't work out for me I still learned something about writing and about myself as a writer . I 've had plenty of people tell me that I should be doing something else with my time or that I should write differently but I 've had more people tell me that I should be a writer and that they liked the way I spun a yarn . So , there you have it . Marsha here post a lot more on her blog , you should check it out to see more writers tips and guest blog post and . . . and . . . other stuff . Who 's got time to read all of that ? I don 't even have time to post . Seriously though , check her out . During Nano I came to a point in my story where I needed to have a character say a few weird things in his sleep . I 've had a few of these experiences in the past that I wanted to use but I decided to ask the Official NanoWriMo Facebook page " Anyone want to give me some crazy things you 've heard people say in their sleep ? " to see if I could get a few examples from others . I was extremely surprised at the response . In all , over 170 folks chimed in with hilarious and creepy samples of somniloquy . My brother woke me up one night because he was calling out my name , like he needed help . My husband has had a full conversation with me while I was asleep , and I 've had conversations with him too . Neither of us remember what we said in the morning . I woke up in the middle of the night to find my boyfriend facing me with his eyes open . He goes , " Watch out , watch out , watch out . Watch out for the coming man . " And then I promptly shat the bed . My husband said that his ex wife made him promise not to give her son bacon . She is a vegetarian , while she was asleep , she woke him up to say this . Wouldn 't leave him alone until he promised My younger brother was sleeping on the couch one time when he started laughing and pointed , yelling , " Hey ! Look at the Goomba ! " He then laid back down and kept sleeping . It sounded like it started mid - sentence , and he was a high schooler at the time . Very . . video game dreams for a guy that age . XD He used to sleep on the couch all the time , and he talked in his sleep . . a lot . He could even hold conversations with us . Especially me . Probably because I knew exactly what he was talking about all the time . But if I tried to hold a conversation about dinner or something mundane like that , it wouldn 't really register . It had to make sense in his dream . And if I 'm asking about dinner in the real world , I 'm not really acknowledging his dream world . Heh . XD My sister had a friend that would talk about whatever you asked her to . In her sleep . We could also tell her to do things and she would . So weird . I had an hour - long conversation with a friend on a phone while completely asleep . She said I was perfectly coherent . I didn 't remember any of it the next day , but my parents saw me lying on the bed talking on the phone , so it apparently happened . I also translated a whole document while asleep at my computer . It was perfectly coherent , yet completely unrelated to the original document . Very weird . My husband goes to work in his sleep . Seriously , he 's ( apparently ) taken full orders for KFC before , ( I didn 't know him when he worked at KFC ) and I heard him have one half of a call with a customer when he worked for a phone company . The end of the call was something like , " Now that I have gone over your bill and done an engine pull , does were there any other questions for me , or does that resolve the reason for your call . " My husband once shook me awake with an urgent " What was that ? ! ? ! " While staring off into a dark corner of the bedroom . I woke up in a panic , sat up , looked where he was looking and whisper - screamed " What ? What is it ? " My wife woke me up one night by saying , in a very calm , elevator computer voice , " Almost four . Time for some more . Thank you . " And then I woke her up laughing . " Hand me a book to fart in ! " My aunt Ginny said this when she was 10 or so . Also , my ex - husband would sit up in bed deep sea fishing screaming " Fish on ! " Thank God I 'm not alone ! 1 . A girl from my dorm had recently lost her father and was once talking in her sleep ; the girl in the bed right next to her woke up and wanted to check on her but said she saw a white figure between their beds , got scared , closed her eyes and waited til morning . The next day the sleep - talking girl said she had dreamed she was talking to her dad . 2 . i used to sleep on the top level and a friend of mine ( who used to sleep talk and sometimes sleep walk ) slept on the bunk bellow mine . One morning a couple of our dorm mates told us we had scared them during the night , coz we were both talking ; they said they first thought we were awake and just chatting , but then they noticed she was sleep - talking in Spanish and i was sleep - talking in English . I said to my husband as he walked into the room , " Where is the Novocaine ? " Sat up and shut out the light still muttering about it . I can only go off what he said … . I haven 't had it since I was in elem school so … ? " Sit . Sit ! … Come here ! … Roll over ! … * annoyed * It 's just standing there ! … * dawning realization * Ooooh , this potty doesn 't want to be trained . Bad potty ! " Oh yeah , and a gem from a few weeks ago . Apparently , my chair is chapter nine , and chapter nine is life . He was too annoyed that I asked what he meant to explain it to me , and had no memory of it the next morning . Dude , these are all fabulous . You guys are some hilarious motherf * * * ers when you 're sleeping ! The most exciting thing I do while I sleep is giggle creepily . My husband says it 's almost a nightly occurrence . I apparently used to sing in my sleep . I was once at a summer camp with a really loud sleep talker and walker who had recurring dreams about Dorothy and the Wizard of Oz . Ooh , and there was a candy mountain included . Had a roomie yell KILL IT ! ! ! Kill it ! She was dreaming there was a spider and would not stop yelling until I clapped my hands and said it 's dead . I had a roommate that would scream like she was being murdered . Terrifying , blood - curdling screams . My husband once sat straight up and said , " POE ! " Imagine being punched so hard in the stomach that you had the wind knocked out of you and saying " Poe " at the same time . That 's what it sounded like . My hubby " Oh my god ! There 's a f * cking bear and a wolf in camp ! They 're just outside ! Can 't you hear them ? " He stage whispered the whole bit , then fell back into a sound sleep . " Is the nose ready to put back on ? " ~ me , sleepwalking , age 10 . " It 's okay , we totally got this . Rainbow elephants , yeah . " ~ my husband , age 30 something . " But what about my bulk good needs ? ! " - I actually woke up mid sentence yelling that one . I was getting dragged out of Kostco in my nightmare for trying to use someone else 's membership card . I need a more entertaining life . We had just come home from a long day of Black Friday shopping , and I was so tired that I began dozing off on the couch within minutes of sitting down . I barely processed a question my daughter asked me , but I answered her saying , " Sure , as long as there aren 't any tags on it . " She shook me awake , and informed me that she had just asked if she and her brothers could watch a TV show . Oh my sister is a great fund of these things . " Shut up moons ! " " Don 't want the banana to eat Fred . " and " Because , cactus , magic beans . " Are my favorites xD I have been told that , when my daughter came upstairs one day while I was sick and asleep in bed , and asked me what she should have for dinner , I told her to have the " sauce that 's on the chair . " I , apparently , got agitated when she kept asking me the same question and kept repeating the same instructions to her , just more loudly each time . I remember none of this . ( My husband was home and made sure the kids were fed . I had the flu at the time . ) My dad is great for this ! According to mum the best things he 's said are " its okay , in a moment I 'll start breathing through my feet and if that doesn 't work , you can shoot me ! " on being asked by mum to stop snoring . He has also stated that he needs a one way visa to Vienna and that he needs a hat to stop his thoughts leaking out of his head . Just a few gems … My little sister once went , completely monotone , " I 'm watching you . " And then , about five minutes later - " I 'm still watching you . " I didn 't get much sleep that night . XD I once said , and I knew I was saying it when I said it , cause I asked and mom said she heard me say it . ' Get that male dog out of the backyard with Lucky . " We had a Shepherd Husky mix and I was dreaming about her , and there was a male dog with her ( she was fixed , but in my dream ; apparently not ) . I 've woken up mid - dream a few times , talking . My fiancé has been witness to this a few times and asked me what I said . I try to distract him and hope he forgets . Hahaha . " It 's falling ! It 's falling ! " This was my roommate who apparently believed the ceiling was falling . She had her hands up like she was holding it up . I came over and put my hands up too , told her " don 't worry , I got it " . She said " thanks " and rolled over back to sleep . My ex used to talk like he was playing one of his video games . " You go to the left . I 'll go to the right and we 'll flank them . " Things like that ( guess what he was playing nearly all day ) My mum , falling asleep whilst watching telly … " they look like gnomelets ! " " Why are they gnomelets , mum ? " " Because they 're small . Gnomelets are small … " This was about 7 years ago and I still have no bloody idea what she was on about … My mom is always nodding off in front of the TV and when she 's particularly sleepy she 'll start saying some weird stuff . The one that I remember the most was from a few years ago when she said , " Don 't look at me with sunshine in your eyes . " Whatever that is supposed to mean ! " Go ahead and try it ! Tell him to try it ! I dare him ! " * Next morning * " So who won the fight last night ? " Huh ? What fight ? Nevermind ……… My husband is a computer programmer . He talks code in his sleep , or says things like , " The server won 't make the call out , change the permissions … " Once he said he was on fire , but I think he was talking about his programming abilities … My Mom told me about this today . She woke up several weeks ago and could only think in Spanish . Her native language is English . She grew up in the valley in Texas and took Spanish in high school and college , but she 's far from fluent . Anyway , she woke up about an hour before her alarm went off and could only think in Spanish . She recognized that she couldn 't go to work that way and decided she needed to lie back down and get her English back before she got out of bed . My husband said , " Don 't put the children on the rack . " I answered him ( awake ) and said , " Why would I put the children on a rack ? " He replied , " You know , while we 're moving . " I have no idea what he was dreaming about , but at the time we had no children . So , there you have it , more blog than you could ever ask for . This was too much fun and I got quite a few good ones for my story ( and stories yet to come ) . I have to say though , my favorite has to be " Wolverine , no . " I really want to know what that dream was about . Also , I got several recommendations to visit another blog called Sleep Talking . Apparently , a loving wife has decided to record and blog about her husbands Nighttime utterances . I haven 't had a chance listen to much of what 's on there because , you know , Nano . But it 's not like I haven 't been writing . As a matter of fact , I just finished up NanoWriMo . ( Yeah , I know it was done two days ago but I took yesterday reeeeal slow and rested up ) But the cool thing is , NanoWriMo didn 't finish me . This is my second year winning Nano . I 'm pretty happy about that . A couple of my writing group buddies , Jon and Amanda , challenged each other to 100k this year and somehow I was challenged to do it too . My reaction to that was ' Why me ? ' but about halfway through I hit my stride . No wait , it was more like Turbo Boost . My goal has always been to write 2k a day . Not a small number , not a large number , but one that I thought was not only doable but wouldn 't tire me out and would let me be creative . But there were a couple of days this month were I turned out a larger number than I thought I would ever be able to do . But there 's a trick to it . You see , I noticed that when I went to Write - Ins I would churn out more words , 2500 to 3500 , but I was writing for almost the same amount of time . The difference is breaks . I get creative fatigue . I push to write and keep writing until my fingers go numb and my brain goes blah and I 'm tired , and I 'm frustrated , and I can 't think of what happens next . So , the next time I go to write , I don 't wanna . I 'm freeze up thinking that I won 't be able to create , I won 't be able get the words out . I 'm a failure , I suck , etc , etc . But this didn 't happen at the Write - Ins . It 's all about the breaks . So , one day after a Write - In ( this was just past the Nano mid - point ) and making just over 3000 words . I drove home thinking , ' Why can 't I do this all the time ? What 's the difference ? ' Anyway , we do word sprints . Our Super Duper ML , Julie , sets us up a time limit where we have to write as much as we can as fast as we can . Afterward , we get a treat . Well , sometimes . You have to win for most words or be close to the magic number . But more importantly , for me at least , was the break . So , after a 3000 word day , I went home and done it again . Set up a timer for twenty minutes and wrote my little heart out . Took a break . Then wrote for twenty minutes more . It may sound weird but those tiny breaks gave me a recharge and I wasn 't getting that brain freezing frustration . This Nano I learned more about the way that I need to be writing and how to get more writing done . I think I have about thirty to forty thousand words until I 'm done with this novel and with the Turbo Boost , I have hope that I 'll be getting that done a lot sooner that I would have before . I 'm aiming for about mid - December . The boy walked the trail up what the villagers called Bent Top Mountain , although it was no more a mountain than he was a man , bundled in a stolen blanket . He sucked at a stolen candy to keep his mouth moist in the dry winter air for he had no water or skin with which to carry it in . He wished he had something for his eyes . The cold dried them until they felt like stones in their sockets . But wishing would come later . He guessed that no one knew for sure why the man was a hermit as most of the villagers gave different reasons for it . One said he was horribly burned . Another that he was crazy with sickness . And , yet another said he was a murderer and hiding from justice . If someone asked the boy why he thought the man was a hermit , he would suggest that it was to keep away from villagers and their tall tales . But who was going to ask a boy ? The boy heard a noise and he stopped to listen for what it could have been . The wind died down a bit , besides he thought it may be something else . Something just as alive as the wind , but more dangerous . The wind would roar , but this was more of a growl . Looking into the trees , he only saw the wood and snow that one would expect to see on a cold winter day on a path such as this . He started forward once more . It wasn 't long before the trees grew scarce and the path widened to reveal stony ground and rock formations all along it . Within an the hour , he reached the hermit 's cave . When he approached he heard rustling in the brush again . This time , a large hound walked out and approached him . The beast stood almost as tall as the boy , its red eyes almost meeting his own . The boy tried to hold his fear like his breath and met the creature 's gaze . The beast moved slowly , sniffed at the boys collar through the blanket , lowered its head , did the same to his crotch , then his feet . Raising its head again to meet the boy 's eyes , it licked at his chin , then walked into the cave . The boy stood outside for a moment before following , trying to peer into the dark depths . It revealed nothing . His arm moved beneath his cloak as he checked for the knife in his belt . Finding it , he stepped into the cave . There was light . It didn 't brighten the cave gradually as if a torch approached . It was just there . The boy was surprised that he didn 't have to guard his eyes against the sudden brightness . His eyes were already adjusted . He didn 't see the hound that had met him at the mouth of the cave , but thought he felt it watching him . The cave was warm too . There was no sign of the cold from the outside . The boy looked down at the fire that blazed a few feet from him and removed the blanket . He sat next to the fire , placed his hands out to warm them , not knowing why . Just as his eyes had adjusted to the light , his skin was already warm as if he 'd been in the cave for hours . He didn 't call out again . The strangeness of all this seemed to have stolen his voice . Or at least his willingness to speak . He was content to wait . He figured that was the point . There was a fire with a log on each side for sitting . He was doing exactly what he thought was expected of him . He was patient . He saw his eyes first . They caught the light of the fire and shone in the darkness . When he emerged into full view , he was nothing like the boy expected . He wasn 't dressed in rags , but in clothes the boy did not recognize . Blue trousers of some strange material . His shirt looked to be of similar material , but less heavy with silvery buttons down the front . The hermit was wearing a hat with very little brim . It was covered in designs of flames and a horse with wheels where the legs should be . There were words in a language the boy didn 't recognize . " ' Course , " the hermit said , and sat on the other log . There was a strap draped across his chest with a large bag attached to it . He opened the bag and reached inside . The hermit pulled a box out that was in the shape of a casket , its top encrusted with shining stones . For a casket , it was small . But for something that would hold a Djinn , it looked big . " Three questions , " the hermit said . " You answer truthfully , you get the Djinn . You don 't … " He didn 't add more , but there was a darkness in his eyes that made the boy squeeze his blade 's handle . It was the boy 's turn to smile . " I 'm going to avenge my parents . " His eyes narrowed , he squeezed the blade handle tighter . Darkness . I opened my eyes . More Darkness . Disoriented , I lifted my head . The room spun and I tried to spin with it , to move . I pulled myself up , unable to see anything before me . I felt around , hands reaching , searching . Finding first a wall , then a light switch . I flip it . Nothing happened . More searching . My head pounded from the hangover . My stomach lurched , it 's contents rolled , looking for escape . Dammit . I bent over , vomited . A little better now , I resumed my search for light . Finally , a door knob . I turned it , opened the door and was hit with a sledgehammer . Light crashed into my eyes and continued on to shove pain throughout my brain . I recoiled , stifling the need to vomit and tried again to step through the door . Shielding my eyes , I made it out of the dark room and into a dirty kitchen . Plates , dishes , and moldy food strewn about . The sight of it , the smell , the food and mold . I vomited again . This time while bent over , I noticed I was wearing clothes I didn 't recognize as my own . And they were covered in blood . Holding the wall , I made my way through the kitchen to what I thought would be the front of the house . I didn 't recognize it . I 'd never been here before . It was old and trashy and smelled of mildew . I needed to get out of here . Get home . Try to forget what I couldn 't remember . The dead girl was naked . Blood leaked from the tattered remains of her neck down her legs . Her face was familiar to me , but only through the hazy glaze of alcohol . I 'd been at the bar last night . She had been there too . The longer I looked at her , the more that came back . She 'd invited us back to her house to continue partying . There were others there besides us . Matt stood in the door behind me . He 'd been with me at the bar last night , my best friend , helping me celebrate my new job . He 'd even bought me a t - shirt with a big thumbs up and " You the Man ! " printed across the chest . Cheesy ? Yes , but it was one of the bricks of our friendship . " Why 'd she bring us here if she didn 't want it ? " he said . He was looking past me at the dead girl . " Why would she do that ? " He continued as if I had not spoken . " She teased me and then she told me no . I thought it was a game , thought she was playing but when it was over . She started screaming , scratched me and … " He nodded toward the dead girl and drew his finger across his neck . He didn 't say anything , just nodded toward me . Finally , all too late , my drunk fuzzed head put it all together . I was wearing Matt 's clothes covered in the dead girls blood . " You slept with her , " he said . " You 're DNA is all over her . You 're already part of this . Why should we both go down , huh ? " I looked around . The girl had been a hoarder . Trash , cardboard boxes , and clothes were strewn about the room . But nothing I could use as a weapon . " I figure it 'll be your word against mine , but in the end the evidence is on you … literally . " He grinned again as he lit a cigarette with his Zippo . I rushed him , pushed him against the door frame . I grabbed the Zippo , then kicked at him until he went down . There was a bottle half full of whatever shit whiskey we had drank last night sitting on the counter . I grabbed it and poured its contents out on Matt as he tried to climb back up . |
I 'm running , running , running as fast as I can . Breathing hard , trying to get away . ' Escape ' flashes through my mind , the one word a prisoner imagines , the one word a bird feels as it gazes sadly at the cold bars of its cage . I trip , fall on my face , taste blood , and continue . Running does not relieve the pain . It simply puts it out of mind for a while . But it helps . The fear in my head threatens to overwhelm me , but the running impedes ( verb ) it , not exhaustively ( adverb ) , but sufficiently enough . I feel the fear in my pulse . It is as much a part of me as my blood . It is a parasite that is connected to my life source , connected to my being . I can never escape it - I can merely supress it . The look in his eyes was fire . It was simple fire , a blaze that was burning straight for me , a heat I could not abscond . It was not a pleasant fire , however ; it was an inferno that seethed with rath , and grew with each burst of flaming anger . His arm , long and broad and evil , whipped out , and I felt my face crack with hurt and regret . Bruises to my body and to my heart . They are all over ; my ribs and legs and head are examples of his malicious ( adjective ) ideas . I cry but he answers with an impassive ( adjective ) stare , eyes now full of a cool fire that burns apathy ( noun ) . Even when I run , when I scream and burst from the room , he sits , breathing heavily but otherwise showing no evidence that he hit me . My breath is steadier now . Before , I was having difficulty breathing , because my sobs were choking me . These abate ( verb ) , but not after I have exhausted my strength . I slow , first to a jog , then to a walk . Then a bench , a shining paragon ( noun ) of rest , enters the scene and claims me . Settling down upon its hard plastic surface , I exhale slowly . I am yet wary ( adjective ) . He may hunt me yet . Doubts swirl about my head , making it ache evermore . Why me ? Why him ? Why anything ? Questions with no meaning or answer envelope my mind and try to possess it , before coming together and forming into one being : Why are people the way they are ? It has been pondered , researched , tested , and studied for thousands of years , yet some things do not connect . He … loved me , loved me with a fervor ( noun ) never matched . But then , why did this happen ? How could one explain such a thing ? Sitting on the bench , I feel like I 'm in oblivion ( noun ) , forgotten by the rest of the world , except for one solitary bird who walks along the pavement . He was amazing , a fantastic man . But this transformation could not be explained . It was a mystery . Mr . Long : You continue to take full advantage of these prompts . Week after week after week , your stories use the vocabulary as a spark for something truly significant . Each story has the weight of the world on its shoulders , but you control the story 's message with great delicateness . Really appreciated the shift mid - way through when you slowed the pace of running / breathing down , allowing the runner 's thoughts to carve a new arc of reflection . The ' nemesis ' in her mind also evolves at this point . Striking . Student # 2 Reply Its beauty lies in its simplicity . You simply pull yourself up and you will find yourself gliding through air as the wind guides your path . You are intrepid ( adj . ) yet sage ( adj . ) while your feet are churning fast . Even though running involves shoes , feet , heart , lungs , and every part of your body , once the feet are going , all other parts of your body seems to click automatically and meticulously ( adv . ) There is no need to be wary ( adj . ) of anything other than listening to your own even breathing . The more you run , the easier it is to levitate your thoughts . Nothing can impede ( v ) your progress , and all cares of the world are ephemeral . ( adj . ) All runners know this , even though they are most likely reticent ( adj . ) to delineate ( v . ) exactly how or why they feel this way . They can corroborate ( v ) with my fervor ( n ) during the running experience . I , as with all runners everywhere , are in complete veneration ( n ) of the wondrous experience that is running . As I put one foot in front of the other , there is an implicit ( adj . ) understanding that I will relish ( v ) another exuberant experience of the mind and body . Reply Running . Running . This very action sets my thoughts racing . It ameliorates ( v ) the status , no matter what . It has bolstered ( v . ) me , making me audacious ( adj ) . This penchant ( n ) for running has everyone asking a question . Why ? When seeing my face when I run , I am not ebullient ( adj ) . I am not garrulous ( adj ) when talking about running . The reason exists nowhere except within me . It cannot be elicited ( v ) . For me , running impedes ( v ) every single problem at hand . This will remain an enigma ( n ) to everyone . This engima will continue to reside within me . Many are impassive about running . However , running is what calms me . Everyday I sit and I wait . I watch among all these paragons ( noun ) of artwork . The employees know me by now , and are used to my abnormal ways . They used to try to elicit ( verb ) my purpose , but now they just leave my food and I alone . I try not to leave too much of a mess for them , since they don 't enforce the rules of no eating on me . Anyway , I see many people , old and young pass by me everyday . Some of the older ones are bolstered ( verb ) by wheelchairs , and there are always a few audacious ( adj ) young ones who try to escape from their parents . Parents … . The more of them I see , the more I wish mine hadn 't given me up . If they decided to spawn ( verb ) then they should have taken responsibility for me . I just wish I could meet them , just once , but that won 't happen . The orphanage said that they were just trying to ameliorate ( verb ) my life by keeping the identity secret . The day I was eighteen I was out of there . I suppose they were just trying to exculpate ( verb ) my parents that way . But keeping it a secret just shares the blame of who kept this a secret for so long . Maybe if I could meet them just once it would motivate me . To get out of this museum I come to searching for answers everyday . To go out and live my own life to the fullest . But that 's just a bunch of hypothetical ( adj ) rambling . It 's useless to embellish ( verb ) my thoughts like that . It won 't do me any good . I just want to break free from this way of thinking . Thinking that I have no purpose , that I can 't do anything useful . I wish I could just burnish ( verb ) my thoughts so that they are bright and happy . But that 's not the way it works . I just have to live how I always have . I guess I have never been happy . Reply " Stop , " I yelled at my brother , Ron , who was sitting in the front seat of the car . I was gradually becoming vexed ( adj ) with him because he kept turning around and flinging random objects at me . " Be quiet you two or I will turn this car around and rescind ( v ) this trip ! " I could tell my mother was trying to daunt ( v ) us , but my brother and I knew she wouldn 't do it . We had been driving for four hours and only had about five minutes until we reached our Aunt Kate 's house . My aunt was extremely gregarious ( adj ) , but I thought she was odd and was an enigma ( n ) to me . She had a lake front house and my mother and she were very close , so we visited her as often as we could . I always had a horrible time because there was no one for me to hang out with . Ron and my cousin Steve , who is very boorish ( adj ) , just played video games all day , and my mother visited with Uncle Paul and Aunt Kate the whole weekend . " Alright , get your things out of the trunk and go greet your Aunt Kate , " my mother told us as we pulled into their driveway . Aunt Kate came running out of the house and gave us all a big hug . " How are you ? Oh , you 've grown so tall ! " she exclaimed with fervor ( n ) . " I 'm just happy that we are finally here , " I prevaricated ( v ) . I then lugged my suitcase into the house and up the stairs . I had just finished unpacking my things into a small dresser when my mom called up the stairs to me , " Megan , put on your swimsuit , we are all going swimming ! " Great , I thought . I didn 't necessarily have a penchant ( n ) for swimming . It wasn 't that I didn 't know how to swim ; I would rather just curl up and read a book . " No thanks mom , you can go without me , " I yelled down the staircase . " Ok , if you want to come we 'll be right out front , " she replied . About five minutes later I heard the door slam . They were all enjoying the lake while I was alone upstairs . Sometimes I felt as though I didn 't really fit in with my family . I often found myself alone or miserable . It wasn 't the worst thi * * * Reply I always love the water , no matter how dirty it is . Everyday , after my mom is done home - schooling me , I become very garrulous ( adj . ) because it is that time of the day to have a little fun . And by fun , the only thing anyone could possibly think of is my magnificent backyard lake . If I don 't give all I 've got in my work at home , my mother punishes me and I 'm not allowed to go to my favorite place in the whole world . If I don 't do my work , I make sure to prevaricate ( v . ) to my mother so that she believes my work is done . I know this is bad and I don 't recommend lying to any family member but if you are willing to , then make sure to be very wary ( adj . ) of the situation . If I pay attention and I do excellent on my work , my mother curtails ( v . ) our session of school and I am allowed to go straight to the lake . When I 'm in the lake , I love doing hand - stands , back flips , and front flips . My brothers always ask me to do different stunts in the lake and I always act in an audacious ( adj . ) manner . I 'm pretty sure I could be the next daredevil but I would have to compete with many adversaries ( n . ) to become famous . Maybe if enough people come to see me , they might think of me as a paragon ( n . ) , but I might be pushing it just a little . I wish that it would rain for a few days to fill the lake back up because every summer a small amount of water desiccates ( v . ) and slowly but surely my lake seems to dissapear . Maybe when I become famous , I could order a profusion ( adj . ) of water to fill my lake back up , so when I 'm older I could come back happy . I would make sure that not a single person swims in it but me because I 'm a person who is considered to be a " zealot " ( n . ) , as my brothers have told me . Reply Every morning I wake up and grab my shoes . I head out the front door feeling very ebullient ( adj ) because I love the sensation of running . If I don 't run every morning I don 't feel exhaustive ( adj ) . I relish ( v ) running more then I can delineate ( v ) it . I take running seriously , but the feeling I get when I 'm running is indescribable . When I 'm running , I feel a plethora ( n ) of joy and contentment , but I also feel this fervor ( n ) , this rush of adrenalin pumping through my veins . My friends call me a zealot ( n ) , some call me a paragon ( n ) , and others boorishly ( adv ) delineate me as someone who will try and try but won 't get anywhere in life . These comments are prevalent ( adj ) in my life , so I show appreciation to the good and flout ( v ) the bad . No matter what anyone says my penchant ( n ) for running will never be damaged . I want to push myself to be the best I can be . I want to ameliorate ( v . ) my running skills . I know I can do anything I set my mind to . All I need is for people to bolster ( v . ) me and to know I am intrepid ( adj . ) and can do anything I want to do . I want my adversary ( noun ) to look at me in a wary ( adj . ) way and to know I am the furthest thing away from being indolent . ( adj . ) I want to become an audacious ( adj ) competitor who relishes ( v . ) winning . When people look at me I want them to look at me like a paragon . ( noun ) When they see my name I want the one word that come to their mind to be audacious . ( adj . ) Reply Every morning I get up before sunrise , and I relish ( v ) my three mile run , and I do not curtail ( v ) corners . I am a zealot ( n ) runner , I even have posters of my favorite runners on my wall , these pictures act as a paragon ( n ) of what I inspire to become . One day I plan to become a famous runner that has a profusion ( n ) of fans . And the only way I can reach that status is by running with a fervor ( adj ) personality . I have burgeoned ( v ) as a runner since I first started these three mile runs . I used to hinder ( v ) my ability 's , and I had no self confidence as a runner . But now I am a intrepid ( adj ) runner that is willing to the extra mile . I am very ebullient ( adj ) runner , and always will be until I reach my goal . Reply He doesn 't work here , but I see him every day . The other guards call him the Enigma ( noun ) . None of us have ever heard him speak a single word , but I suppose that 's because none of us have ever spoken a single word to him . Every morning he pays his entrance fee , signs out one of the handicap vehicles , and rides around the museum , leaning over and picking up whatever he finds on the floor . At first I thought he was picking up trash , just being a nice guy , but last week I saw him impassively ( adv ) snatch up a visitor 's book that had been set down for a moment . It was taken back with fervor ( noun ) by the girl to whom it belonged , and without even noticing the old man merely kept humming along in his vehicle . I wonder if his indiscriminate ( adj ) gathering behavior has something to do with his age . He may be passing into a sort of oblivion ( noun ) with the years . One day I decided to approach this mysterious , reticent ( adj ) man , just to talk to him . I 'd never been bothered by his behavior , as the boss was growing to be ; I had come to sort of venerate ( verb ) him , like a quiet old grandfather that has a hidden life story to tell . I was hoping I could elicit ( verb ) from him exactly what it was that he was doing day after day . My hope , however , proved to be ephemeral ( adj ) . " Excuse me , sir ? " I called . The man had just swooped by and grabbed a museum guide 's bag of cookies that lay waiting to be eaten during break . " What are you doing ? " I slowed to a walk . Unsuccessfully I tried to abate ( verb ) my smile . Perhaps this man wasn 't such an Enigma after all . People have been known to go to drastic measures when it comes to cookies . Mr . Long : Love the unexpected turn in the use of this image . Clever twists . And I find myself wanting to know who this guy was , although ' Santa ' comes to mind for some strange reason . Reply It is an amazing sight . This picture seems disparate ( adj ) from the other paintings on the wall . The other paintings symbolize the modern age , but this picture takes place years ago . The man boorish ( adj ) behavior to everyone he met now vanished as he set his eyes on this masterpiece . Paintings about horses are prevalent ( adj ) throughout our time , but this one seemed unique . The man , being a perfectionist , had some ideas to ameliorate ( v ) the image . He believed that the detail work done in the audience was poor and wanted to complain about this to the painter himself . He thought that some indolent ( adj ) fool had ruined this masterpiece . The next day , the man went to visit the painter himself to tell him about the error . The man told the painter how he had a penchant ( n ) towards the pieces of work his . As the conversation progressed , the painter understood why the old man came here . The man wasn 't satisfied with his work ! This vexed ( v ) the artist . As a result the painter banished ( v ) the old man from his house and never wanted to see him again . This was an audacious ( adj ) move by the old man , coming to the painter 's house to complain . In the end he got want he deserved . This taught the old man a lesson , instead of being rude and grumpy he went to work in a gregarious ( adj ) mood . He found his day much more relaxing , because his co - workers didn 't ignore him as much . From then on , he venerated ( v ) all the paintings he saw . He never complained or was impolite to anyone he met ever again . Reply Every day after school my reparation ( N ) for getting into a fight in school was going to the senior citizens center every Monday and Friday afternoon for three whole months . I was not excited about this community service I was being forced to pay . I was completely vexed ( Adj ) that the school chose my punishment to be what I detested most , old people . Old people have a certain way about them , they were always asking teenagers why their pants are so low , not to mention they have a smell about them . I walked in on my first of many days at Rivertown Senior Citizen home . A sad look crossed her face . I did not mean to be boorish ( Adj ) really , but this place gave me the creeps . Ever since I saw my grandpa die I 've always been afraid one will just keel over right in front of me . What would I do ? Despite my apathy ( N ) , the lady , whose name I learned was Carol , was still gregarious ( Adj ) and talkative as ever . " This , " she pointed out " is where the seniors play games and socialize . We call it the mess hall . To the right is the desk where I work so if you have any questions feel free to ask . " " You can just go in the mess hall and socialize with the seniors . On Fridays , " she looked at her clipboard . " Oh good you 'll be here on Fridays . On Fridays we take the seniors on a field trip , it is always really fun . Anyhoo so just start talking to them and socializing . Maybe play some games . " I felt a sudden pang in my side that I didn 't know existed . I realized then how sad old people made me . Their so fragile and small . Throughout their long lives they have seen so much , many of these old folks were probably alive during the Great Depression . What pained me the most was thought that they themselves were erudite ( Adj ) in the subject of their fraitality and probably know the rest of their life will be ephemeral ( Adj ) . He rolled is eyes . " You 've played one card game you 've played em ' all fiftay times . To answer your question , no . No you wanna hear about me flying F - 86s in Korea ? " " Sure . " I said and he led me to a table with a checker board . We apparently talked for three hours because I looked up at the clock that read 7 : 00 pm . Friday rolled around slowly as usual and afterschool I headed off to the senior center . Today was the senior 's field trip to the art museum . We rode there in little white vans that read on the side RIVERTOWN . I was assigned the job as picture taker to snap pictures to put in the scrapbooks on the lobby tables . " Well his family always says they are going to come but they never do . It really lets Hank down . I don 't think he 's seen them in two years . " Something averted her attention elsewhere . " Ms . Hadley that 's not for eating ! " Carol raced off . I looked up at Hank and blindly snapped his picture while he was rolling in front of a painting . I snapped it quick before he saw . Without his knowing or consent I would keep that picture forever . The weeks went by and by and soon my ' punishment ' was over . I still went back to Rivertown every Monday and Friday though . All I did for three hours was talk to Hank . It was never a chore , always a pleasure . Hank taught me a lot and I clued him in on what he had been missing locked in this prison . Over the span of about thirteen months Hank and I became very good friends . I walked away not wanting to get involved in all that emotional woman stuff . I looked around for Hank but couldn 't find him . I went back into the lobby . Old . The term I used to describe so many others . Through this I have learned that they are not old , they are experienced . In fact , they are the youngest spirited people I know . I was so angry and sad . I did not know what I was feeling . I just sat there in the lobby for hours watching the experience go by me . At Hanks funeral I finally met his family . They seemed intrepid ( Adj ) in asking for the will over and over . I snarled at these people . They never really even knew their grandfather . In the reading of the will it came up that half of his belongings went to me and the other half went to charity . His ' family ' stormed out . In the will there was a note left for me . The priest handed it to me and when I got home I opened the envelope . Dear Jonah , Over the past year you have gotten to be one of my very best friends . I know you won 't understand this but I want you to know how grateful I am to have a friend like you through the last leg of my life . My loneliness was consuming me and I actually believe meeting you has made me stronger . For your ability to make an old washed up man like me feel that way , I have left you half of my possessions . Hopefully now you will continue your strand of good deeds and make another down on his luck geezer feel as good as you made me feel . I hope the world spawns ( V ) more children like you . Never underestimate the power of a true friend . I was in tears at dear Jonah . Ten years later I am still listening to the words of my great friend Hank . Every week I go to a senior citizens center and visit , and listen to all the great stories they have to tell . Hank was of coarse right , you can never underestimate the power of a true friend I live by that everyday . Mr . Long : Given any thought to submitting this one to Calliope later this year ? While your writing always has enormous potential , this one seems to be the most anchored in possibility . I 'd even recommend leaving it more wide open at the end … although I don 't want to change your goals for the story . What would happen if you started your story with the way you ended it , and then let the story 's past / present intermingle in various ways ? Student # 14 Reply Robert is a very zealot ( n ) man ; he shows excessive enthusiasm everywhere he goes . He is also very erudite ( adj ) when it comes to art . Every Saturday Robert goes to the museum . This Saturday was different though as he rolled out of his door to go to the museum . Robert had a penchant ( n ) for all art but especially liked art with running horses in it . Today the museum had gotten a new picture ! Someone had told Robert it had running horses in it and that he would relish ( n ) it greatly . So off he sped down the sidewalk in his little motor chair headed for his favorite place . Thankfully there was not a plethora ( n ) of people on the sidewalk like usual so Robert made great time getting to the museum . Once there he asked the sage ( adj ) tour guide to show him to the new painting . When Robert sees the painting his eyes light up . Rodger stared in aw at the amazing painting . It was so good the artist did not need to embellish ( v ) it anymore than those simple details already there . After several minuets of staring at the painting Robert started to recognize it . This painting looked exactly like one his very own grandfather had painted long ago . Frantically looking for the tour guide and also very happily Robert sped up and down the aisle the picture was on . Robert asked the tour guide who the painter was and she corroborated ( adj ) the name of the painter . Sure enough this was the painting Robert 's granddad had painted years ago . He had thought this painting was oblivion ( n ) or forgotten many years ago and that his granddads talent would never be recognized . Robert had a strong urge to buy the painting but he knew his granddads fame must not be ephemeral ( adj ) and needed to last a long time . So to make a tribute to his granddad Robert wanted to write a commentary for the plaque by the painting to delineate ( v ) and explain his granddad and why the painting is so great ! Robert was so excited he found his granddads painting and even though he was dead Robert would make sure it got some recognition . This was Robert 's beStudent # 13 It seems as though I was a kid just a few years ago … actually , I 'm eighty - two years old now . The older I get , the more ephemeral ( adj ) the years seem to be . Young people are oblivious ( adj ) to how short life really is . They don 't appreciate how quickly the years pass . They ought to realize that they should not be in such a hurry to grow up . Being old and non ambulatory is not much fun . People pass by me and look at me dismissively ( adv ) . In actuality , I should be considered a sage ( n ) because of the wisdom I have gained through my life experiences . I miss the ability to walk on my own two feet , as this electric wheelchair is highly vexing ( adj ) and hard to control . People try not to stare at my wheelchair , but they naturally have a penchant ( n ) to look and then quickly look away . I am at this art museum in which there are many impassive ( adj ) people wandering about . I feel that many people consider elderly people as desiccated ( adj ) , forgotten and worthless . It is not true that elderly people are apathetic ( adj ) , but as you grow older , it 's harder to be ebullient ( adj ) about things . I may not have many more years to go , but that is no excuse to lie back and be indolent ( adj ) . A museum is a place where an artist 's work lives on and can be appreciated , even if the artist has passed away . Perhaps that 's the real reason I am here . Life is so short ! Reply " Grandpa ! Grandpa ! Can we please leave you know I have to get home for Gossip Girls . " Amy yelled at her grandfather from across the hushed museum room . Her Grandfather shot her a less than satisfied look and buzzed past multiple pieces of art in his speedy chair . Amy and her grandpa were very close and she had taken him to this exhibit for his birthday because he is a zealot ( n ) when it comes to artwork , a true fanatic . Grandpa was thrilled with the generosity of his granddaughter but this did not ameliorate ( v ) or help improve the rude attitude she was now displaying . The grandfather simply turned his chair around , smiled at his granddaughter , and they left the museum in a great hurry . Amy did not allow her granddad to navigate his wheelchair and she simply pushed him as fast as she could to the old Cadillac in the parking lot . The fervor ( n ) of the situation was rising as Amy became more and more intense about seeing the season finale of her favorite show . All the while even as Amy went sixty through three schools zones her granddad just wore a silent smile . As the car swerved into the driveway with a loud squeal Amy sprinted inside forcing her granddad to fend for himself . Luckily this elderly man was an intrepid ( adj ) senior citizen and he did not hesitate to hop all the way to the front door on his one good leg displaying his fearless nature . When he reached the door , which Amy had forgotten to close , he found his beloved granddaughter collapsed on the floor in tears . She looked up at her granddad lacking her usual garrulous ( adj ) and talkative nature and simply stated " no cable . " Grandpa smiled as he remembered that one bill his retirement fund would not cover and gave a loud chuckle . Amy sprung from the floor and stared intently at her granddad as if she were about to truly tell him off . And as her mouth began to open and the climax of the situation approached she began to laugh a little as well . Amy could not bring herself to apologize for her rude actions at the museum but her granddad did not seem to mind especially since he felt guilty that his inability to pay impeded ( v ) and blocked her ability to watch her favorite show . As the night progressed Amy made a birthday dinner for the two of them and then proceeded to look up on her laptop the finale episode of her show . Though the capabilities of her computer only allowed fifteen minutes of the show to come through Amy relished ( v ) every minute and became cheerful due to her extreme enjoyment of this show . As the granddad observed the joy his granddaughter received from this show he decided that no matter the cost he must get cable for the only member of his family that tried to make his birthday special . The following morning Amy got up and gave her granddad his plethora ( n ) of medicines both with needles and pill forms helping a great amount with his many medicines considering he often forgot certain pills . Amy 's smile and sweet disposition goaded ( v ) her grandfather to choke down his last pill and without her urging it seemed he never would take all of his medicine . When eleven oclock arrived Amy kissed her Grandpa and ran out the door promising to be back in three days to spend more time with him . Grandpa just smiled as always and buzzed his chair over to the counter to attempt another Sudoku while he finished his rice pudding . Upon finishing his bowl of rice pudding Grandpa 's nurse arrived and he explained to her his dilemma relating to his lack of cable . The nurse simply smiled and said that he could talk to his financial adviser and see if any funds could pay for the right channel to watch Gossip Girls , but she doubted this was possible . When the nurse finally left and grandpa had his three hours of freedom before the next nurse was on duty he dialed the number for the bank and made the proper arrangements . Grandpa delineated ( v ) his actions to no one because he was not a talkative individual and explanation was beyond his comfort zone . As the next day came Amy arrived at her grandad 's home prepared for their habitual Wednesday picnic in the park and she loaded him into the car . It was a beautiful day and they ate tons of jello , rice pudding , and prune juice , the only edible things within grandpa 's diet . As they began to make their way home Amy looked to her grandpa in horror as she saw the paleness of his face and heard the difficulty he was having breathing . She knew from previous experiences that he needed a certain injection and so she began to speed home . She went sixty miles per hour through three schools zones and swerved into the driveway . She sprinted inside leaving her granddad to wait for the injection in the car , knowing she could prevent a stroke for him . However grandpa knew what his granddaughter would find in his home and somehow managed to hobble to the front door . As he reached the open doorway he found his beloved granddaughter crying on the floor . Only the words , " you have no medicine grandpa " came from her mouth and the old man managed a smile and the phrase , " but I have cable . " With that the loving grandfather collapsed to the ground completely content with his life and decisions . Mr . Long : So many possibilities for this story went through my mind in the first half . Made me really like the " but I have cable " comment at the end . Funny , human , unexpected . Great details and commitment to fleshing out the story overall . Well done . Reply The only way she could abate ( v ) her stress was by running for miles until she became focused on the stress on her lungs rather than in her life . At work she made her peers look indolent ( adj ) by being a fierce adversary ( n ) in debates on what the company 's strategy should be . She even daunted ( v ) her superiors with her profusion ( n ) of knowledge on almost every subject . Although she was seen as the strongest at work , she was the loneliest . Her conversations with her coworkers were always ephemeral ( adj ) because she appeared haughty ( adj ) when speaking of topics she knew well . She really did not want to appear ' snobby . ' She only wanted to impress everyone . Despite her huge success , she was jealous of the mail room attendant . She was eclectic ( adj ) and didn 't care what others thought of her . The woman thought to herself that her garrulous ( adj ) was simply resting , waiting to surface itself . She decided on Monday she would be nicer to people and let them have some of the glory and maybe her fastidious ( adj ) reputation would fade . Reply ( This isn 't very well written . I tried but I couldn 't figure out how to make it sound right . This is the best I could do . ) It was funny . Before I had simply thought of her as my Granny , but as I watched those old photographs play upon the wall , she became more . She was somebody 's newborn baby , she was a feisty little girl . She was a beautiful teenager with superb taste in shoes , which she had a profusion ( n ) of . She was a loving wife and mother , she was my grandmother , she was everything . The beautiful pictures showed how she had burgeoned ( v ) throughout the years . There was one of her and her brother doing cartwheels in a pond , and one of her hanging sheets out to dry on a windy day . With different fervors ( n ) of emotion I laughed and I wept thinking of her . In my train of thought I started to think of how I ended up here . I can tell you what it used to be like . Well , kind of . She had been sick for the majority of my life , but the difference was that she used to know me . I remember the doorbell would ring and I would run to the door . I 'd throw it open and she 'd step up , beaming . She 'd hold her hands out and hold my face and say , " There 's my baby . You 're so beautiful . " That period of time was all too ephemeral ( adj ) . Slowly she started to deteriorate . Alzheimer 's disease didn 't take her as much as much as it dragged her . It got to the point where she couldn 't walk or eat by herself . We eventually made the decision to put her in a nursing home . Visiting her was one of the hardest things I 've had to face . Before when she looked at me her face lit up and you could just feel how much she loved you . Now , her eyes were cold and distant . She looked at me like she never knew me , like I was a stranger . She didn 't know my name , she didn 't know my face . I was in oblivion ( n ) . I was nothing to her . Every time I saw her it 'd get worse . She couldn 't talk . She wouldn 't even respond to my smile anymore . Her eyes saw right through me . To her I was analogous ( adj ) to a veil or a deep , solemn fog . Then there was the first time she was admitted to the hospital . The doctors said she was going to die for sure and we should prepare to lose her . The hospice nurses were on duty and my uncle flew down from Washington . I was simply daunted ( v ) by the whole thing ; we all were . I refused to leave and I spent that night at the hospital . I achieved two and a half hours of sleep on the floor , during which I woke up to a room full of my family . Everyone was asleep besides my granny and my mom . My grandmother was fighting to say something to my mother , but she simply could not . My mother , not knowing I was awake , started to cry . It broke my heart to see her so deeply suffer , but I didn 't dare breathe a word . I rocked myself back to sleep to the sound of her saying , " Oh , momma . " To everyone 's surprise , she pulled through . It was a good thing but we all knew that it would happen again , and it did . She had several teeth pulled , which wasn 't supposed to be a big deal . But one day it started bleeding a little . One day it started bleeding a lot . She was rushed to the hospital , and there we were again . Her blood pressure was dangerously low , she was bleeding profusely from the mouth , and she had a UTI . If this didn 't foreshadow the end , the only words I had heard her say in a year came out of her mouth that first day . Those words , or rather that word , was her mother 's name . We knew that she would be departing , if it wasn 't stated outright it was at least implicit ( adj ) . Now all we could do was wait . I prayed for strength and tried to remain relatively gregarious ( adj ) . Hours upon hours were spent in that hospital room . We talked to her and we watched her , but she wasn 't conscious to see us there . I like to believe she could feel us even though she was suffering . The sound of her struggle to breathe still haunts me sometimes . She didn 't die in my presence , my mom had made me go home . It was for the best though , she had long suffered and deserved to go home . The majority of the devastation came from the finalization of her death . For the last few years it had seemed as if she was already dead . Now it was just official . I just wish she could have left with her memories . They must have been wonderful . I wish I knew what they were , but her life had been curtailed ( v ) too early for me to ask . I only have two regrets : 1 ) I didn 't visit her more often in the final years . I wish I had just sucked up my emotions and been there with her . It would have been worth it . She watched the aqua - animals rise and fall again , as they did daily in bright fluroescent colors . Salacia had been sitting on the ground for quite so time now . The cold concrete was starting to evolve into a pain . Salacia 's mind was elsewhere when she was ripped out of her state of oblivion ( n ) . Finley , again . Finley 's sparkling eyes gave nothing away of what his true intention was , but uninvitedly sat down . Salacia forced herself to stare back at the leaping yellow wolves now , in a combat of power . " Are you ever going to talk to me ? " , he asked . It must be a bad trait to have , to be garrulous ( adj ) . Constantly having to look for a way to grab a person 's attention and make them break their peaceful silence . Salacia sighed , pulled her knees up to her chin , and for the first time in two lock - jawed days , she replied his question . " If I have one conversation with you , will you then - " , she was curtailed ( v ) by Finley who immediatley jumped into action ; " I will hang myself from the shower rafter if that will coax a sentence out of you . " He flashed a smile of ecstasy . Salacia had to grin . " I was going to say , would you then jump into the fountain and sing for me . " Finley 's smile faded . Salacia had cracked the human code already , embarrassment was far more a punishment than death was to them . The good thing about Finley was he was intrepid ( adj ) . " I will , if you talk to me . " " Who wouldn 't have ? " , Salacia replied back . She would have imagined him to rescind ( v ) their conversation , but he laughed . Slacia stared at him . " I guess , you 're right about that . " Finley gave her a smile of levity ( n ) . " So , where 's that big shiny - thing you carry around ? " Salacia 's mouth fell open . How had he found out about the mermaid brooch ? Finley meticulously ( advrb ) went on , " I don 't want to steal it or anything . I was just curious . When I saw you with it , it was almost like " he was searching for the right words . " Almost like you found an answer or a treasure or something . Your face was so serene and peaceful it was just , angelic . " He stopped . Salacia still gaped at him . " I don 't know what it is , but I know it was shiny ! " Finley attempted to lighten the mood . He succeeded . Salacia laughed so loudly that people started staring . Her back fell onto the floor where she continued her hysterics . Now , Salacia new why Finley had picked her as his victim . Maybe this conversation wouldn 't be such a waste of time after all . If she was lucky , Salacia may even elicit ( v ) the answer to her mission . Tick . Tick . Tick . I sit here . Just waiting . I know not what to do . Steady , steady now . It is hard to keep to the beat . Just breathe , breathe … . I am usually reticent ( adj ) and I rarely communicate sporadically . You can say that I am very precise and punctual , but I just hate waiting … . Sometimes it is too quite ; they can hear my heart beat . Tick . Tick . Tick . The master of the house visits here every day , not recognizing my full being . At ten ' till three she comes , happy and ebullient ( adj ) to see view her gallery . Not me . She does not acknowledge me , even though I keep her on track . Oh , how she wastes me . Am I only good for embellishing ( adj ) this room ? This quiet , magnificent room ? I will shout ! This will be my time ! Ha ha ! I do not care if you notice or not ! I will tell you what I have to say , and it is true ! Listen , though , because you are old , and are wasting away every fleeting moment of your life . Your apathy ( noun ) for me might change if … . . Ah . I do not know what to do . I do not have long . I do not like the thought of making this malicious ( adj ) act . But I want her to notice me . She had to have wanted me , surely . Someone , at least , wanted me … right ? I was spawned ( adj . ) for a specific reason by someone . Surely I am loved by them ? Someone did burnish ( verb ) my facing . Someone bolstered ( adj ) my backing so I could hang here . They did , I know it . I am original , like no other . I will do it . I will equivocate ( adj ) about the time of day . I will lie and she will listen . I demand her acknowledgement . I want to be noticed for what I do . Warily ( adverb ) I will wait , till nineteen passed three . I will make sure I do not slip up and perform my usual act . Here , here she comes ! As always . She 's admiring the horses over there again . I am a work of art , too . She will see . Its 30 seconds till nineteen passed three . I do not think that I could wait any longer . Those ephemeral ( adj short - lived minutes seem like hours ; and I would know . " Coo - coo ! Coo - coo ! Coo - coo ! " Task achieved . She looked up abruptly , I guess she had fallen asleep . My master does get exhausted quickly . Did she not notice ? I have just made my first mistake in my whole life - time . She is leaving . Leaving me here , still completely unacknowledged . Will she ever take the time to know that I exist ? Can she not stop for three seconds and take a break from her routined schedule ? I have a feeling pulsing through me . I do not think she ever has , or ever will take the time to acknowledge my time , and my legacy . It was two o ' clock and I had just finished a meeting with my coach . He was telling me how much potential I had and how easy it would be for me to ameliorate ( verb ) my time , with hard work and dedication . He said he knew I wasn 't an indolent ( adj ) person and therefore thought it would be extremely easy for me to improve my time to the standard I had set at the beginning of the year . Besides , I had a penchant ( noun ) for running anyway , so the determination aspect would not be a problem . He always told me , " Your only adversary ( noun ) is yourself , " meaning I could accomplish anything . The only thing standing in between me and my achievements was my work ethic . I strived to be a paragon ( noun ) when it came to running the mile . I wanted my run to be flawless , with an outstanding time . So I decided to corroborate ( verb ) my coaches thoughts of my dedication by running around the track every day after practice for an extra hour , as well as an hour before school started . I began to burgeon ( verb ) into a better athlete , with a much more impressive time . I venerated ( verb ) my coach a great deal for believing in me and having the faith I needed to succeed . He was very gregarious ( adjective ) and therefore extremely kind to me . " Job well done . Your task is exhaustive . You have completed what I asked you to do , I am extremely impressed . " He continued praising my improvement as I began to stretch for my morning mile . Reply It 's amazing how intrepid ( adj . ) you can feel when all that lies ahead is an open path . As i run every night around 8 I go out to clear my head and to take in all i have been given . I have been blessed with so many gifts in my life i couldn 't say thank you enough . So when i 'm running i take a backpack along with me and in it i keep all my thoughts . Now i know not literally can i keep all my thoughts in a backpack but i do keep it empty so when i need to put away a thought and always have it there with plenty of room . All my life i have been wary ( adj . ) . I have been careful of my actions and always been afraid to take chances . But i found someone who showed me that taking chances are worth it sometimes . The story goes …… . . I was out running one evening and i tripped over my shoe lasses that were untied . So as i bent down to tie them I saw a guy running . He ran past me then stopped and asked if i was ok . I told him nothing to worry about and he told me if i didn 't mind if he could run with me . I told him it was fine but to not make a usual thing he does . So as we were running i was not myself . I was not garrulous ( adj . ) at all like i usually am . I probably said two words the whole time . But he started talking and i tended to flow into the conversation without it being awkward . We stopped at the bench up ahead and rested for a while . By then it was late around 11 and I said i had to get going but it was " great meeting you " , i said . He yelled after i took a few steps and said " Is there anyway i could have your number ? " I stormed off furious he would even ask . I think i left him totally confused but I didn 't care i wasn 't falling for the charming act just so he could take me on a date . As i walked away very audacious ( adj . ) and bold i tried not to think about him but for some reason couldn 't get him out of my mind . He was cute , athletic and tall , what more could i want ? But i knew i realized that i wasn 't going to take a chance on someone who didn 't even know who i was . So the next nStudent # 22 Reply Saturday was the big race , so today was a day to ameliorate ( verb ) the state record . The competition was going to be fierce and intrepid ( adj . ) like the last race where seconds count like hours in the real world . This race was going to be different though and she was going to redeem herself by the defeat of her adversary ( noun ) . In this race she had to show her audacious ( adj . ) personality on the track . The following week the big day started as the sun rolled out from behind the awaking clouds . She had been waiting for this day with fervor ( noun ) of emotions and it was finally here . All of her hard work , dedication and un levity ( noun ) attributes to track would soon be worth the sweat and tears . Even though the winner is an enigma ( noun ) till the ending seconds of the race , she just knew that this time there would be no need to count seconds . Her competition gave off a haughty ( adj . ) / malicious ( adj . ) type of personality . In the end she proved to herself that with dedication and love for something you can achieve anything if you work hard to achieve it . |
Introduction : This is a CAW9 entry . This is a CAW9 entry . I don 't want you to be angry with me so I 'm telling you up front that this story has no erotic content . If you are looking to read something sexy please chose another story . . Also , I didn 't have a chace to have it proofread so it probably has some errors . Sorry . Four - eighty - four was an old house in a neighborhood of old houses . It stood at the corner of Chestnut and fourteenth like an old prostitute working her same old location long past her prime . Her worn out shingles hung like an old dress , torn and tattered exposing bar portions of a decaying wood . Once she stood tall and proud ; a stylish town house in the very center of the towns fashionable east side , but now her faded décor only paid homage to a bygone day . It was a midwinter night and a pale full moon raced across a sea of gray clouds that covered a cold urban sky . Slowly flowing south in the shallow valley called Chestnut street , Roberto Cassini wearily made his way home after a long and fruitless day at the shop . He worked late that evening , or rather stayed open late in the hopes of catching some extra trade , but business had been exceptionally poor for this time of year and the extension of his working day didn 't yield him a single customer . It was the busy holiday season for most merchants , but Christmas was a slow time for the shoe repair business . The bitter cold kept people home , preferring to be in the warmth and security of their four - walled trenches than face the northern invader that occupied the city streets . Huddled together in familial comfort , they rested and waited for the dawn ; when their alarm clocks would send them forth to barter away their lives for a days ration and a fist full of coins . Actually , not much could be said about this year 's invasion . The city had not yet been stormed , a fact for which the city department of traffic and sanitation was most grateful . The prediction was for clear skies . There would be no snow for Christmas so outside of an occasional skirmish with sub artic winds ; this year 's winter was expected to be comparatively mild . However , the people still stayed off the streets , not on their feet and therefore didn 't need to have their shoes repaired . Roberto turned the corner at Fourteenth Street and made his way through the old rusty gate that lead to the door of his apartment building . Shoving his gloved hand into the pocket of his tattered winter coat , the cobbler fumbled for his keys . " Damn Keys , " he grumbled in annoyance , a stream of moisture rushing from his lips to form a small white cloud in the cold dry air . " Ah , there , " he said and proceeded to the inner corridor . The old man looked at the long flight of stairs that led to his third floor apartment with dreaded anticipation . The idea of having to endure the hard climb to his apartment made his muscles feel limp and his old bones jelly , but the thought of his wife Anna , and little Nina awaiting his arrival gave him sufficient motivation to begin his accent . After a lifetime of suffering , his family and his faith were the only things left for him . The only reason he had for holding on to his … . . life . At the top of the stairs Roberto leaned against the railing after his long climb . He was slightly dizzy from the effort and his lips trembled in prayer for a quick recovery . Life had been hard for him . As a child he know few pleasures . His family was poor ; not so poor that they faced starvation but certainly not comfortable enough so that little Roberto could have new clothing , shoes , toys or any of the other things the children of parents who spoke English enjoyed . All the Cassini 's had were dreams . Dreams their mother told them were defiant of God 's will . Yes , God 's will , the thought lingered in Roberto 's mind , and the promise that at the end of this dreary life there would be the rewards of heaven . Those where the things he lived for . God 's promise and the sure knowledge that someday soon his little girl would call him Papa . " This is ridiculous , " he grumbled to himself as he made his way through the dark corridor . It had been over a year since he complained to the landlord about the lack of heat and electricity in the building . Nothing seemed to be going right with his life and for a minute he allowed himself to wallow in self pity . Then he stopped and looked up at heaven and asked for forgiveness . He had to focus on all the good things he had . After all , God had provided him with so many good things . He and his family had four walls , sweaters and a good space heater to keep them warm in the winter . He made enough money to buy food and the local church supplied fuel for the heater and gave him enough candles to light the apartment . Candles that he also used to light the little make - shift shrine he built for the Virgin Mary . Mary , the mother of Jesus , to whom he offered daily prayers for the health and well being of his family . Remembering his own mother Roberto though , how true it was what his mother told him . In this world of pain and suffering , God never takes away anything without giving something back . So what if he didn 't have any electricity or heat . He also didn 't have any utility bills . And because there was no light or heat , the land lord hadn 't come to collect his rent for about a year . Yes , God had been good to him in many ways and he was grateful for all the good things he had , especially the wonderful family that awaited his return . Opening the door to his apartment , Roberto lit a half melted candle that sat on the kitchen table . It was quite inside ; as well it should be at this time of night . The room was as neat and clean as when he left it this morning so he knew his wife was doing a good job taking care of the house and their baby . Eager to see them , he made his way to the door that lead to their bedroom . He knew little Nina would be asleep in her crib so he was careful not to open the door too quickly for fear that he might awaken her . The door lay heavily on its old rusty hinges and it was with great pains that he managed to quietly open a crevice wide enough for him to slip his head through without causing the door to groan and squeak . All was quiet inside so he softly whispered Anna 's name and waited for a reply . When none came , he decided that she was asleep and he continued pushing the door with as much caution as his old trembling hands would permit . A thin grey beam of light shown through the crack and stretched across the room like a broken gray ribbon that cut across the rugs , tables and chairs until it came to rest on the opposite side wall . Peering into the darken room , Mr . Cassini could see his bed and Nina 's crib beside it . As he continued pushing the door , the beam of light grew in direct proportion to the aperture of the slowly opening door and it grew wider and wider until he could see a pair of little white socks through the bars of the crib . Roberto smiled and continued pushing as the dim light exposed more and more of the little figure he loved so well . " Nina , " Roberto whispered , imagining he saw some movement in the crib , but there was no reply so he continued his cautious pressure on the slowly opening door . The beam grew wider , expanding to reveal two tiny dimpled knees and then a pretty blue dress that was trimmed with white lace all along its boarder . Once again Roberto detected a slight movement and again he called out her name . Nina , Nina , but as before , the same silence beset the room . Growing impatient , the old man pushed the door completely open and the hinges gave out a great groan as the pale light filled the room . Sure that Nina had been awakened and frightened by the noise , Roberto moved quickly into the room and stepped towards the crib , all the while offering a flood of apologies to his little girl . " I 'm so sorry baby , " Roberto begged as he reached into the crib for the love of his life . " I tried so hard to open the door quietly , but that silly old door made such a big noise and I didn 't want you to be afraid . " As he picked her up , Nina 's blue eyes opened wide as if startled , and a sharp cry escaped her breast . " Ma - ma , " she said . " No , no it 's not Mama , it 's me Papa . Don 't cry baby , please don 't cry . " Roberto pleaded over and over again . " Papa didn 't mean to scare you . " He said as he walked back and forth across the room while he cradled her in his embrace and stroked her curly blond hair . " Papa 's so very sorry . " Then he held her at arms length and saw her pretty little smile . " That 's my brave girl , " he said with an obvious demonstration of pride . " We Cassini 's fear nothing . Especially our own father 's coming home from work , " " Mama , " little Nina said , disappointing her father . He had hoped that this would be the day when she finally started saying his name . Up to now , mama was all she said . If only she would start calling him Papa , that could be his Christmas gift , but Nina just smiled and looked at him with her big blue eyes . Putting Nina back in her crib , Roberto 's attention was drawn to his wife who had not said a word since he arrived . " I 'm sorry Anna , " he said as he approached their bed , " I should have greeted you first and I hope you 're not offended , but little Nina was crying and I had to see to her needs first . After all it was my fault that she was frightened … " That 's when he noticed that Anna was still asleep . Looking at her peaceful face he realized that she was probably exhausted . That was to be expected . After all , she had been sick for some time now and taking care of the baby all day was not easy . It would be best not to disturb her so he pulled the covers up to her neck and kissed her gently on the forehead before walking back to Nina 's crib . " Well Nina , I guess it 's just you and me on Christmas eve . " But when he looked down on her rosy cheeked face , Nina 's eyes were closed and she too was fast asleep . Shaking his head he thought to himself , how unfair it was that he would have to spend this Christmas Eve by himself . But it was his own fault they were asleep . If he had come home earlier like a normal man , maybe his family would have been awake and ready tSlowly walking across the room , Roberto allowed his tired body to flop down on an old upholstered chair and soon he too was falling asleep . It had been a long day but tomorrow was Christmas and he would have plenty of time to rest . It was the lord 's birthday and as he had done , for as many years as he could remember , the family would pray at the table , giving thanks for all they had , eat their lunch and exchange gifts . This year he brought his wife a fancy barrette for her long beautiful hair . And for his sweet little Nina , he brought an assortment of brightly colored candies . Nina loved candy and he could imagine how happy she would be . She 's probably jump for joy , fall into his arms and kiss him as she call him papa over and over again . With those last thoughts , the old man fell asleep , a contented smile on his face . The next morning Roberto was wakened by some load noises that were coming from the front of his house . Looking out the window he saw a crew of men , all wearing bright orange helmets . They were tearing out the old metal gate that lead to his front stoop . " What do you think you 're doing ? " he yelled down at them from his window . The men stopped working and one of them looked at him with a puzzled expression . ' What the hell are you doing in this building . " The man wanted to know . Roberto answered back angrily , " What the hell do you think I 'm doing … I live here . " The workman put a walky - talky to his face and turned around so Roberto couldn 't hear . A few seconds later an excited electronic voice answered through the walky - talky but Roberto Couldn 't understand what it was saying . Then the first man told Roberto that he wasn 't suppose to be living in this building because the building had been condemned and they were there to tare it down . " Tear it down ? Like hell you are . " Roberto answered . " I 've got a sick wife and a little baby girl up here so you guys get the hell off my property . " The first worker used the walky - talky again and a few minutes later another man in a white helmet , wearing a white shirt and tie under a long black coat came to the front gate . Using a Bull Horn he called up to Roberto saying , " Listen Mr . who - ever - you are , all the buildings in this neighborhood have been condemned and I 've got a contract to tear them all down before the end of the year . Now , I 'm paying these men triple time for working during the holidays so I don 't have any time for your non - sense . The cops are on their way so if I were you I 'd get my things together and get the hell down right now . " Roberto turned back into his apartment ; a look of fear clearly written on his face . Men dressed in white shirts and ties always scared him . Especially this one . He had a bull horn and said he said he called the cops . This probably had something to do with all those notices he found tacked to the front door . He couldn 't read them so he tore them up and threw them away . Now they were going to throw him out of his apartment and his wife was too sick to be moved . Surly they 'd listen to reason , he thought to himself . All he had to do was talk to the cops and they 'd understand . Putting on his coat , as he descended the stairs , Roberto arrived at the front door just as the police were pulling up in their squad car . One of the cops was officer Campbell . Roberto knew him from the old days when the young officer patrolled the neighborhood . He was one of the good guys . Roberto had him over for dinner a couple of times and he fixed the young cops shoes for free . Surly his old friend would help him out . " Hey Campbell , " the old man greeted the middle aged detective . " These here guys want to kick me out of my apartment . I told them I can 't go cause we don 't have no place to go . Besides , the wife is too sick to walk and little Nina is too young to be out in the cold . " The detective looked up from the documents he was reading and without taking his eyes off the old man he told one of his men to call for an ambulance . Then he added , " and get a social worker down her too . " Campbell gave the old man the bad news . There was nothing he could do to help . These people had papers and he couldn 't stop them from kicking Roberto and his family out of the apartment . No , no , this couldn 't be happening , the old man kept saying but no one was listening to him . His friend the cop walked away and when he tried to talk to the construction workers in the orange helmets , they just ignored him and went about their business as if he wasn 't there . They even asked him to move away while a big machine tore out the iron gate at the front of his stoop . Then he watched them load it on a truck along with all the other iron gates they took from the adjacent town houses . The old man felt dizzy and stumbled around for a while before he fell to his knees and gripped his chest with both hands . Just about that time , an ambulance drove up and the paramedics were directed to Roberto . They laid him on a stretcher and began to work on him right there on the street . As he tried to sit up the paramedics laid him back down and told him he was having a heart attack and needed to lay still . " But my wife … " the old man said as he pointed to the third floor window . " Please , she 's up there alone with Nina . Roberto stopped to gasp for breath . " Nina is only a baby . " He managed to say before they put an oxygen mask to his face . " Don 't worry Mr . Cassini , we have a crew getting them right now . " That was the last thing Roberto heard before he passed out . When he came to he was in the ambulance and there were two EMT 's talking just outside the open doors . Officer Campbell was talking to them and he was telling them about Anna so Roberto listened carefully . That 's when he overheard Campbell tell the others something that made his blood run cold . Campbell told the other that Anna was dead . Roberto sat up and pushed the oxygen mask off his face . " Oh no , please God don 't let it be true . My wife can 't be dead , " he kept screaming over and over again , " she can 't be dead . " The paramedics quickly replaced the oxygen mask and forced him back down on the stretcher . " Calm down Mr . Cassini . " One of them said as he injected something into Roberto 's arm . " It 's a sedative . " The EMT told him . " You can 't keep jumping up like that and getting all excited . Your heart 's in a very delicate condition . " Just then Roberto felt a sharp pain in his chest and he heard a loud prolonged beeping sound coming from his heart monitor . That was the last thing he remembered before passing out . When he came to , the ambulance was moving and detective Campbell was sitting by his side . " Mr . Cassini , I know this is a bad time for you but I have a few questions I have to ask . " Roberto looked at the officer and shook his head yes . " How long has your wife been dead ? " Roberto looked puzzled but answered the office . " The last time I talked to Anna was last night before I went to bed . " " You can 't believe it ? " The officer asked with the same tone . Then he went on . " Mr . Cassini , you 're wife has been dead for at least twenty five years . She died in childbirth and so did the child . " " No , no that 's impossible . Anna has been taking care of Nina and they were both fine last night when I went to bed . " Then Roberto added , with concern in his voice , " Where 's Nina ? " The detective looked at Roberto for a long time . Then he reached down to the floor and produced a small blond figure in a blue dress . When he held her up for Roberto to see , her bright blue eyes popped open and from deep within her chest a mechanical voice called out … " Ma - maaaa . " " There you are Nina . " The old man said as he sat up to take the doll from the detective 's hand . Clutching the porcelain figure to his chest , the old man spoke to it as if it were a real child and he told her in a voice that trembled with deeply felt emotion , " Mama has gone to heaven . " Then with tears running down his face he added , " but don 't worry baby , you still have your Papa to take care of you . " That last display of emotion was too much for the old man 's heart and the detective could clearly see the pained expression spread across the old man 's face just before he fell back onto the stretcher and clenched his heart . The paramedics responded immediately . They ripped the doll from Roberto 's hands and threw it into a corner of the ambulance . For several minutes they fought hard to save the old man 's life . They defibrillated him twice , pounded on his chest and gave him CPR . After several minutes the old man came to again but Detective Campbell knew Roberto didn 't have much time though he could see that he was still fighting to hang on . He looked at the detective and begged to see Nina again . Campbell looked around the ambulance and saw the broken doll lying in a heap in the corner . The detective carefully picked it up and put the cracked head back together before showing her to Roberto . " I can 't see her . " The old man said as he groped for his beloved Nina . " Please give her to me . I want to hold her one more time . " The officer put the doll into the dying man 's arms and hoped the fractured head would hold together for just another minute or two . Roberto pulled the doll to his chest and held it close . The broken portion of the doll 's head rolled across Roberto 's chest and fell to the ground but Roberto didn 't notice . Then from within the mechanism in the dolls chest he heard a click followed by a garbled sound and then the doll said " Perrrr - a - paaapaaa " and Roberto smiled , a big broad smile that lit up his whole face with a celestial joy . Then looking over the detective 's head he said , " Did you hear that Anna ? Did you hear what Nina called me ? " Then he laughed and announced in a big proud voice , " My baby has given me the best Christmas gift ever . She called me Papa … After all these years she finally called me Papa . " Then he looked up again and said , " What are you saying Anna , it 's time for us to go ? Yes , yes I 'm ready . I can see the heavens open for me , and there are millions of dancing angels all dressed in white . Look , they are coming down from the blue to celebrate His birth . " The old man sighed one last long sigh and the detective witnessed the light fade from his eyes as Roberto 's body fell back onto the stretcher ; the big smile still on his face . A paramedic quickly moved in , put a stethoscope on Roberto 's chest and shook his head ' no . ' A few seconds later the ambulance pulled into the emergency room parking and the EMT and the driver quickly pulled the stretcher out of the ambulance and rushed the body into the emergency ward . Detective Campbell got out of the ambulance and stood outside in the parking lot . He waited a long time before pulling out his note book . Looking at his watch he wrote down the date and time but then stopped not knowing how to proceed . As he stood there , two workers walked into the ambulance and began to clean . He watched them pick up the trash , replenish the supplies and put in a new stretcher . When they were done one of them threw the broken doll into the trash as he walked past the officer . " Wait a minute . " he called out to them . The detective wanted to know if they knew anything about the doll they threw away . " Yea , " one of the man said . " My little sister had one just like it . She played with it all the time back when we were kids . " Campbell 's follow up question seemed strange . " Can these dolls say ' Papa ? " The man looked askance at the officer and answered , " No way , the mechanism can only mimic the word mama . These old dolls can 't do very much . They can open and close their eyes and say mama . That 's about it , that 's all they can do . " Then , wishing the officer a Merry Christmas , he walked away while singing an old Christmas song . Campbell recognized it . It was called the Drummer Boy . " Our gifts we bring to him pa - ra - pa - pum - pum . " The worker voiced the words as he walked away . Campbell repeated the familiar refrain , " Our gifts we bring to him pa - ra - pa - pum - pum . " Then he looked at the broken doll . Its head was cracked and only one eye was open , making it look as if it was winking at him . That 's when it hit him . The doll never said " Papa " it said Pa - ra - pa or something like that . Campbell was relieved that he remembered that because he had almost convinced himself that he had just witnessed a miracle and there was no way he could put that in his report . The old man had been mistaken . He thought the doll called him Papa , which was the old man 's dying wish , but it wasn 't a miracle at all . It was a freak circumstance that caused the dolls malfunctioning mechanism to make a noise that sounded like " Papa . " Yes , that was the logical explanation … . Still , he had to admit , the malfunction happened at just the right time and it did give the old man the Christmas gift he wanted . Then there was the conversation Roberto had with his dead wife . That could be attributed to the delusional state of his dying brain . Everything he said came from his delusional mind , even that last thing he said … what was it ? Oh yes , ' I see millions of angels dressed in white coming from the blue to celebrate His birth . ' " What was that ? " he asked himself , " More delusional gibberish I guess . " Just then Campbell felt something cold on his cheek , so he looked up at the clear blue sky and saw a flurry of fluffy white snow - flacks sweeping by and falling all around him . That made Campbell smile , a knowing smile . " I see millions of angles dressed in white . " He repeated to himself . " Well , it looks like we 're going to have a white Christmas after all . " The detective closed his note book and put it back in his pocket . Maybe it was better if he didn 't write anything at all . The chief would have him locked up in a padded cell if he turned in a report that included wish - granting dolls , dying men talking to their dead wives and then predicting the weather . That sounded so crazy even he couldn 't believe it and he was there when it happened . Then he looked at the broken doll again and thought for a moment … I 've never believed in anything . I don 't believe in god and I don 't think there is a heaven , but if there was , I 'm sure that somewhere in God 's vast kingdom there must be a special place for wish - granting dolls . Some where , some place … there must be a heaven for Nina . " END Really good , HD . It did have a few mistakes that I know you would 've picked up on in a proofread , but none of them detracted from a very warm story . The characterization was finely drawn . |
Introduction : This is a CAW9 entry . This is a CAW9 entry . I don 't want you to be angry with me so I 'm telling you up front that this story has no erotic content . If you are looking to read something sexy please chose another story . . Also , I didn 't have a chace to have it proofread so it probably has some errors . Sorry . Four - eighty - four was an old house in a neighborhood of old houses . It stood at the corner of Chestnut and fourteenth like an old prostitute working her same old location long past her prime . Her worn out shingles hung like an old dress , torn and tattered exposing bar portions of a decaying wood . Once she stood tall and proud ; a stylish town house in the very center of the towns fashionable east side , but now her faded décor only paid homage to a bygone day . It was a midwinter night and a pale full moon raced across a sea of gray clouds that covered a cold urban sky . Slowly flowing south in the shallow valley called Chestnut street , Roberto Cassini wearily made his way home after a long and fruitless day at the shop . He worked late that evening , or rather stayed open late in the hopes of catching some extra trade , but business had been exceptionally poor for this time of year and the extension of his working day didn 't yield him a single customer . It was the busy holiday season for most merchants , but Christmas was a slow time for the shoe repair business . The bitter cold kept people home , preferring to be in the warmth and security of their four - walled trenches than face the northern invader that occupied the city streets . Huddled together in familial comfort , they rested and waited for the dawn ; when their alarm clocks would send them forth to barter away their lives for a days ration and a fist full of coins . Actually , not much could be said about this year 's invasion . The city had not yet been stormed , a fact for which the city department of traffic and sanitation was most grateful . The prediction was for clear skies . There would be no snow for Christmas so outside of an occasional skirmish with sub artic winds ; this year 's winter was expected to be comparatively mild . However , the people still stayed off the streets , not on their feet and therefore didn 't need to have their shoes repaired . Roberto turned the corner at Fourteenth Street and made his way through the old rusty gate that lead to the door of his apartment building . Shoving his gloved hand into the pocket of his tattered winter coat , the cobbler fumbled for his keys . " Damn Keys , " he grumbled in annoyance , a stream of moisture rushing from his lips to form a small white cloud in the cold dry air . " Ah , there , " he said and proceeded to the inner corridor . The old man looked at the long flight of stairs that led to his third floor apartment with dreaded anticipation . The idea of having to endure the hard climb to his apartment made his muscles feel limp and his old bones jelly , but the thought of his wife Anna , and little Nina awaiting his arrival gave him sufficient motivation to begin his accent . After a lifetime of suffering , his family and his faith were the only things left for him . The only reason he had for holding on to his … . . life . At the top of the stairs Roberto leaned against the railing after his long climb . He was slightly dizzy from the effort and his lips trembled in prayer for a quick recovery . Life had been hard for him . As a child he know few pleasures . His family was poor ; not so poor that they faced starvation but certainly not comfortable enough so that little Roberto could have new clothing , shoes , toys or any of the other things the children of parents who spoke English enjoyed . All the Cassini 's had were dreams . Dreams their mother told them were defiant of God 's will . Yes , God 's will , the thought lingered in Roberto 's mind , and the promise that at the end of this dreary life there would be the rewards of heaven . Those where the things he lived for . God 's promise and the sure knowledge that someday soon his little girl would call him Papa . " This is ridiculous , " he grumbled to himself as he made his way through the dark corridor . It had been over a year since he complained to the landlord about the lack of heat and electricity in the building . Nothing seemed to be going right with his life and for a minute he allowed himself to wallow in self pity . Then he stopped and looked up at heaven and asked for forgiveness . He had to focus on all the good things he had . After all , God had provided him with so many good things . He and his family had four walls , sweaters and a good space heater to keep them warm in the winter . He made enough money to buy food and the local church supplied fuel for the heater and gave him enough candles to light the apartment . Candles that he also used to light the little make - shift shrine he built for the Virgin Mary . Mary , the mother of Jesus , to whom he offered daily prayers for the health and well being of his family . Remembering his own mother Roberto though , how true it was what his mother told him . In this world of pain and suffering , God never takes away anything without giving something back . So what if he didn 't have any electricity or heat . He also didn 't have any utility bills . And because there was no light or heat , the land lord hadn 't come to collect his rent for about a year . Yes , God had been good to him in many ways and he was grateful for all the good things he had , especially the wonderful family that awaited his return . Opening the door to his apartment , Roberto lit a half melted candle that sat on the kitchen table . It was quite inside ; as well it should be at this time of night . The room was as neat and clean as when he left it this morning so he knew his wife was doing a good job taking care of the house and their baby . Eager to see them , he made his way to the door that lead to their bedroom . He knew little Nina would be asleep in her crib so he was careful not to open the door too quickly for fear that he might awaken her . The door lay heavily on its old rusty hinges and it was with great pains that he managed to quietly open a crevice wide enough for him to slip his head through without causing the door to groan and squeak . All was quiet inside so he softly whispered Anna 's name and waited for a reply . When none came , he decided that she was asleep and he continued pushing the door with as much caution as his old trembling hands would permit . A thin grey beam of light shown through the crack and stretched across the room like a broken gray ribbon that cut across the rugs , tables and chairs until it came to rest on the opposite side wall . Peering into the darken room , Mr . Cassini could see his bed and Nina 's crib beside it . As he continued pushing the door , the beam of light grew in direct proportion to the aperture of the slowly opening door and it grew wider and wider until he could see a pair of little white socks through the bars of the crib . Roberto smiled and continued pushing as the dim light exposed more and more of the little figure he loved so well . " Nina , " Roberto whispered , imagining he saw some movement in the crib , but there was no reply so he continued his cautious pressure on the slowly opening door . The beam grew wider , expanding to reveal two tiny dimpled knees and then a pretty blue dress that was trimmed with white lace all along its boarder . Once again Roberto detected a slight movement and again he called out her name . Nina , Nina , but as before , the same silence beset the room . Growing impatient , the old man pushed the door completely open and the hinges gave out a great groan as the pale light filled the room . Sure that Nina had been awakened and frightened by the noise , Roberto moved quickly into the room and stepped towards the crib , all the while offering a flood of apologies to his little girl . " I 'm so sorry baby , " Roberto begged as he reached into the crib for the love of his life . " I tried so hard to open the door quietly , but that silly old door made such a big noise and I didn 't want you to be afraid . " As he picked her up , Nina 's blue eyes opened wide as if startled , and a sharp cry escaped her breast . " Ma - ma , " she said . " No , no it 's not Mama , it 's me Papa . Don 't cry baby , please don 't cry . " Roberto pleaded over and over again . " Papa didn 't mean to scare you . " He said as he walked back and forth across the room while he cradled her in his embrace and stroked her curly blond hair . " Papa 's so very sorry . " Then he held her at arms length and saw her pretty little smile . " That 's my brave girl , " he said with an obvious demonstration of pride . " We Cassini 's fear nothing . Especially our own father 's coming home from work , " " Mama , " little Nina said , disappointing her father . He had hoped that this would be the day when she finally started saying his name . Up to now , mama was all she said . If only she would start calling him Papa , that could be his Christmas gift , but Nina just smiled and looked at him with her big blue eyes . Putting Nina back in her crib , Roberto 's attention was drawn to his wife who had not said a word since he arrived . " I 'm sorry Anna , " he said as he approached their bed , " I should have greeted you first and I hope you 're not offended , but little Nina was crying and I had to see to her needs first . After all it was my fault that she was frightened … " That 's when he noticed that Anna was still asleep . Looking at her peaceful face he realized that she was probably exhausted . That was to be expected . After all , she had been sick for some time now and taking care of the baby all day was not easy . It would be best not to disturb her so he pulled the covers up to her neck and kissed her gently on the forehead before walking back to Nina 's crib . " Well Nina , I guess it 's just you and me on Christmas eve . " But when he looked down on her rosy cheeked face , Nina 's eyes were closed and she too was fast asleep . Shaking his head he thought to himself , how unfair it was that he would have to spend this Christmas Eve by himself . But it was his own fault they were asleep . If he had come home earlier like a normal man , maybe his family would have been awake and ready tSlowly walking across the room , Roberto allowed his tired body to flop down on an old upholstered chair and soon he too was falling asleep . It had been a long day but tomorrow was Christmas and he would have plenty of time to rest . It was the lord 's birthday and as he had done , for as many years as he could remember , the family would pray at the table , giving thanks for all they had , eat their lunch and exchange gifts . This year he brought his wife a fancy barrette for her long beautiful hair . And for his sweet little Nina , he brought an assortment of brightly colored candies . Nina loved candy and he could imagine how happy she would be . She 's probably jump for joy , fall into his arms and kiss him as she call him papa over and over again . With those last thoughts , the old man fell asleep , a contented smile on his face . The next morning Roberto was wakened by some load noises that were coming from the front of his house . Looking out the window he saw a crew of men , all wearing bright orange helmets . They were tearing out the old metal gate that lead to his front stoop . " What do you think you 're doing ? " he yelled down at them from his window . The men stopped working and one of them looked at him with a puzzled expression . ' What the hell are you doing in this building . " The man wanted to know . Roberto answered back angrily , " What the hell do you think I 'm doing … I live here . " The workman put a walky - talky to his face and turned around so Roberto couldn 't hear . A few seconds later an excited electronic voice answered through the walky - talky but Roberto Couldn 't understand what it was saying . Then the first man told Roberto that he wasn 't suppose to be living in this building because the building had been condemned and they were there to tare it down . " Tear it down ? Like hell you are . " Roberto answered . " I 've got a sick wife and a little baby girl up here so you guys get the hell off my property . " The first worker used the walky - talky again and a few minutes later another man in a white helmet , wearing a white shirt and tie under a long black coat came to the front gate . Using a Bull Horn he called up to Roberto saying , " Listen Mr . who - ever - you are , all the buildings in this neighborhood have been condemned and I 've got a contract to tear them all down before the end of the year . Now , I 'm paying these men triple time for working during the holidays so I don 't have any time for your non - sense . The cops are on their way so if I were you I 'd get my things together and get the hell down right now . " Roberto turned back into his apartment ; a look of fear clearly written on his face . Men dressed in white shirts and ties always scared him . Especially this one . He had a bull horn and said he said he called the cops . This probably had something to do with all those notices he found tacked to the front door . He couldn 't read them so he tore them up and threw them away . Now they were going to throw him out of his apartment and his wife was too sick to be moved . Surly they 'd listen to reason , he thought to himself . All he had to do was talk to the cops and they 'd understand . Putting on his coat , as he descended the stairs , Roberto arrived at the front door just as the police were pulling up in their squad car . One of the cops was officer Campbell . Roberto knew him from the old days when the young officer patrolled the neighborhood . He was one of the good guys . Roberto had him over for dinner a couple of times and he fixed the young cops shoes for free . Surly his old friend would help him out . " Hey Campbell , " the old man greeted the middle aged detective . " These here guys want to kick me out of my apartment . I told them I can 't go cause we don 't have no place to go . Besides , the wife is too sick to walk and little Nina is too young to be out in the cold . " The detective looked up from the documents he was reading and without taking his eyes off the old man he told one of his men to call for an ambulance . Then he added , " and get a social worker down her too . " Campbell gave the old man the bad news . There was nothing he could do to help . These people had papers and he couldn 't stop them from kicking Roberto and his family out of the apartment . No , no , this couldn 't be happening , the old man kept saying but no one was listening to him . His friend the cop walked away and when he tried to talk to the construction workers in the orange helmets , they just ignored him and went about their business as if he wasn 't there . They even asked him to move away while a big machine tore out the iron gate at the front of his stoop . Then he watched them load it on a truck along with all the other iron gates they took from the adjacent town houses . The old man felt dizzy and stumbled around for a while before he fell to his knees and gripped his chest with both hands . Just about that time , an ambulance drove up and the paramedics were directed to Roberto . They laid him on a stretcher and began to work on him right there on the street . As he tried to sit up the paramedics laid him back down and told him he was having a heart attack and needed to lay still . " But my wife … " the old man said as he pointed to the third floor window . " Please , she 's up there alone with Nina . Roberto stopped to gasp for breath . " Nina is only a baby . " He managed to say before they put an oxygen mask to his face . " Don 't worry Mr . Cassini , we have a crew getting them right now . " That was the last thing Roberto heard before he passed out . When he came to he was in the ambulance and there were two EMT 's talking just outside the open doors . Officer Campbell was talking to them and he was telling them about Anna so Roberto listened carefully . That 's when he overheard Campbell tell the others something that made his blood run cold . Campbell told the other that Anna was dead . Roberto sat up and pushed the oxygen mask off his face . " Oh no , please God don 't let it be true . My wife can 't be dead , " he kept screaming over and over again , " she can 't be dead . " The paramedics quickly replaced the oxygen mask and forced him back down on the stretcher . " Calm down Mr . Cassini . " One of them said as he injected something into Roberto 's arm . " It 's a sedative . " The EMT told him . " You can 't keep jumping up like that and getting all excited . Your heart 's in a very delicate condition . " Just then Roberto felt a sharp pain in his chest and he heard a loud prolonged beeping sound coming from his heart monitor . That was the last thing he remembered before passing out . When he came to , the ambulance was moving and detective Campbell was sitting by his side . " Mr . Cassini , I know this is a bad time for you but I have a few questions I have to ask . " Roberto looked at the officer and shook his head yes . " How long has your wife been dead ? " Roberto looked puzzled but answered the office . " The last time I talked to Anna was last night before I went to bed . " " You can 't believe it ? " The officer asked with the same tone . Then he went on . " Mr . Cassini , you 're wife has been dead for at least twenty five years . She died in childbirth and so did the child . " " No , no that 's impossible . Anna has been taking care of Nina and they were both fine last night when I went to bed . " Then Roberto added , with concern in his voice , " Where 's Nina ? " The detective looked at Roberto for a long time . Then he reached down to the floor and produced a small blond figure in a blue dress . When he held her up for Roberto to see , her bright blue eyes popped open and from deep within her chest a mechanical voice called out … " Ma - maaaa . " " There you are Nina . " The old man said as he sat up to take the doll from the detective 's hand . Clutching the porcelain figure to his chest , the old man spoke to it as if it were a real child and he told her in a voice that trembled with deeply felt emotion , " Mama has gone to heaven . " Then with tears running down his face he added , " but don 't worry baby , you still have your Papa to take care of you . " That last display of emotion was too much for the old man 's heart and the detective could clearly see the pained expression spread across the old man 's face just before he fell back onto the stretcher and clenched his heart . The paramedics responded immediately . They ripped the doll from Roberto 's hands and threw it into a corner of the ambulance . For several minutes they fought hard to save the old man 's life . They defibrillated him twice , pounded on his chest and gave him CPR . After several minutes the old man came to again but Detective Campbell knew Roberto didn 't have much time though he could see that he was still fighting to hang on . He looked at the detective and begged to see Nina again . Campbell looked around the ambulance and saw the broken doll lying in a heap in the corner . The detective carefully picked it up and put the cracked head back together before showing her to Roberto . " I can 't see her . " The old man said as he groped for his beloved Nina . " Please give her to me . I want to hold her one more time . " The officer put the doll into the dying man 's arms and hoped the fractured head would hold together for just another minute or two . Roberto pulled the doll to his chest and held it close . The broken portion of the doll 's head rolled across Roberto 's chest and fell to the ground but Roberto didn 't notice . Then from within the mechanism in the dolls chest he heard a click followed by a garbled sound and then the doll said " Perrrr - a - paaapaaa " and Roberto smiled , a big broad smile that lit up his whole face with a celestial joy . Then looking over the detective 's head he said , " Did you hear that Anna ? Did you hear what Nina called me ? " Then he laughed and announced in a big proud voice , " My baby has given me the best Christmas gift ever . She called me Papa … After all these years she finally called me Papa . " Then he looked up again and said , " What are you saying Anna , it 's time for us to go ? Yes , yes I 'm ready . I can see the heavens open for me , and there are millions of dancing angels all dressed in white . Look , they are coming down from the blue to celebrate His birth . " The old man sighed one last long sigh and the detective witnessed the light fade from his eyes as Roberto 's body fell back onto the stretcher ; the big smile still on his face . A paramedic quickly moved in , put a stethoscope on Roberto 's chest and shook his head ' no . ' A few seconds later the ambulance pulled into the emergency room parking and the EMT and the driver quickly pulled the stretcher out of the ambulance and rushed the body into the emergency ward . Detective Campbell got out of the ambulance and stood outside in the parking lot . He waited a long time before pulling out his note book . Looking at his watch he wrote down the date and time but then stopped not knowing how to proceed . As he stood there , two workers walked into the ambulance and began to clean . He watched them pick up the trash , replenish the supplies and put in a new stretcher . When they were done one of them threw the broken doll into the trash as he walked past the officer . " Wait a minute . " he called out to them . The detective wanted to know if they knew anything about the doll they threw away . " Yea , " one of the man said . " My little sister had one just like it . She played with it all the time back when we were kids . " Campbell 's follow up question seemed strange . " Can these dolls say ' Papa ? " The man looked askance at the officer and answered , " No way , the mechanism can only mimic the word mama . These old dolls can 't do very much . They can open and close their eyes and say mama . That 's about it , that 's all they can do . " Then , wishing the officer a Merry Christmas , he walked away while singing an old Christmas song . Campbell recognized it . It was called the Drummer Boy . " Our gifts we bring to him pa - ra - pa - pum - pum . " The worker voiced the words as he walked away . Campbell repeated the familiar refrain , " Our gifts we bring to him pa - ra - pa - pum - pum . " Then he looked at the broken doll . Its head was cracked and only one eye was open , making it look as if it was winking at him . That 's when it hit him . The doll never said " Papa " it said Pa - ra - pa or something like that . Campbell was relieved that he remembered that because he had almost convinced himself that he had just witnessed a miracle and there was no way he could put that in his report . The old man had been mistaken . He thought the doll called him Papa , which was the old man 's dying wish , but it wasn 't a miracle at all . It was a freak circumstance that caused the dolls malfunctioning mechanism to make a noise that sounded like " Papa . " Yes , that was the logical explanation … . Still , he had to admit , the malfunction happened at just the right time and it did give the old man the Christmas gift he wanted . Then there was the conversation Roberto had with his dead wife . That could be attributed to the delusional state of his dying brain . Everything he said came from his delusional mind , even that last thing he said … what was it ? Oh yes , ' I see millions of angels dressed in white coming from the blue to celebrate His birth . ' " What was that ? " he asked himself , " More delusional gibberish I guess . " Just then Campbell felt something cold on his cheek , so he looked up at the clear blue sky and saw a flurry of fluffy white snow - flacks sweeping by and falling all around him . That made Campbell smile , a knowing smile . " I see millions of angles dressed in white . " He repeated to himself . " Well , it looks like we 're going to have a white Christmas after all . " The detective closed his note book and put it back in his pocket . Maybe it was better if he didn 't write anything at all . The chief would have him locked up in a padded cell if he turned in a report that included wish - granting dolls , dying men talking to their dead wives and then predicting the weather . That sounded so crazy even he couldn 't believe it and he was there when it happened . Then he looked at the broken doll again and thought for a moment … I 've never believed in anything . I don 't believe in god and I don 't think there is a heaven , but if there was , I 'm sure that somewhere in God 's vast kingdom there must be a special place for wish - granting dolls . Some where , some place … there must be a heaven for Nina . " END Really good , HD . It did have a few mistakes that I know you would 've picked up on in a proofread , but none of them detracted from a very warm story . The characterization was finely drawn . |
Once upon a time , there was a King who loved his Queen dearly , and she him , and yet they were not happy . They ruled wisely and well , their kingdom was rich and prosperous , and they were beloved by their people . But despite all these joys , they were not content , for they had no child to love , and no prince to succeed them , and a kingdom with no heir is perilous indeed … And so there was nobody to notice when the briars caught his sword and wrested it away from him . Nobody to notice when they wrapped him in their thorny embrace and held him tightly and then more tightly still . Nobody to heed him when he began to scream . The King had not wished to do this . The Fairy Godmothers are powerful , certainly , but their power is entirely beyond a King 's control , and thus unsettling to his equilibrium . And they do not see the world quite as we do , nor are they always kind in the way that we think of kindness . Going to the Godmothers was thus a perilous choice indeed . The Godmothers looked the Queen up and down , from her golden hair to her blue velvet slippers , and then they looked the King , up and down , from his golden crown to his red leather boots , and at last they looked at each other . Nothing was said aloud , but the silence seemed full . At last the eldest Fairy Godmother , whose name was Dame Carabosse , spoke . But the King , who had longed for a child nearly as much as his wife had done , was now seized with a fear far greater than any he had previously felt , for now he had something to hope for , and that meant that he also had something to dread . A child is such a small , fragile vessel , after all , in which to carry one 's whole heart . And so he petitioned the Godmothers once more . " Why , who else but her sister ? Two babes will grow in the Queen 's womb , as close as a tree and its shadow , or a candle and its flame . The one will wake when the other sleeps , and as long as she lives , she will protect her sister from harm . " The younger twin had hair as brown and fuzzy as the inside of a chestnut shell , and skin as dun as a sparrow 's breast , and eyes as dark as the water at the bottom of a well . She was not an ugly baby , by any means , but compared to her sister she was decidedly ordinary . It was nearly a week before her parents were able to decide on a name for her , and they finally settled on Umbra , because she seemed only to truly awaken at night , when Aurora was sleeping , and she seemed destined to be her sister 's shadow . The trouble with an event this large , with so many people involved in its organisation , is that things fall through the cracks . The blue bathroom in the west wing does not get cleaned . There is a fingerprint on the King 's plate . The pastry chef forgets to make a gluten - free dessert option . And a scribe misses a name on the invitation list . The King continued to rock a sleeping Umbra . His gaze was worried . " Dame Carabosse isn 't here , " he replied . " I hope she is not unwell . " You know what happened next , of course . Everyone has heard the stories . The feast began , and after the toasts , the Fairy Godmothers stepped forward to give their gifts . " I gave you children , and you did not even invite me to their christening . So be it . I told you that my price was fear , and so now your fears will be realised . " Aurora will indeed grow more beautiful with every day that passes . She will be sweet tempered , and graceful , and kind , and gifted in every way , and Umbra will grow beside her , her shadow and friend . No two princesses will ever be loved as you will love your daughters . But you will have them for only seventeen years , for on the day of her seventeenth birthday , Aurora will prick her finger on a spindle , and she shall die , and her sister will wither away after her . " The Queen nodded , and the Fairy Godmother went to stand over the cradles . She looked down at the infants for a long moment , and Umbra stared up at her with big , serious eyes , even as Aurora blinked sleepily at her and gave a great yawn . The Godmother smiled . " Not death , but sleep , " she said . " Aurora will prick her finger on a spindle on her sixteenth birthday - I can do nothing to stop that - but she will not die . Instead , she will fall into a deep sleep which will last a hundred years . At the end of that time , she will be awakened with a true - love kiss , and the one who kisses her will rule half your kingdom . " The seventh fairy looked momentarily surprised , for already the sixth fairy 's gift was working , and I chose not to be noticed . And then she smiled . " Umbra will not wither away , nor will she sleep , but she will guard her sister 's rest , growing in knowledge and power all the while . " One day as he adventured , he came to a great forest , with a castle at its heart . This seemed strange to him , for most castles have a village or farms nearby , and not simply acres of forest , and so he decided to venture into the forest to find out what was there . As he walked through the forest , he was met by a woman like a sparrow , with brown hair and brown eyes and a brown dress . He gave her bread , and she told him a story of a castle and a sleeping princess , who waited only to be awakened by a kiss , and how the man who woke her would rule the kingdom . This was an adventure very much to the prince 's taste , and so he listened carefully to the young woman , and followed her instructions . He laid a trail of crumbs through the forest to mark his way , and when he reached the briars , he kissed the nearest rose , and they parted for him . He ran through the path that had opened before him , and knocked three times on the palace gate , until that opened for him as well . He climbed the stairs to the topmost tower , and entered the princess 's chambers without knocking . He kissed her once , and kissed her twice , but she did not awaken . The prince frowned . This was not how he had seen this encounter going . He kissed the princess a third time , and then climbed upon the bed and began to push up her skirts . His smile became a little strained . " I don 't think a kiss is going to be enough , " he said . " It 's alright . I 'll stop if she asks me to . " " Yes , " said the prince , " I know . But I 'm pretty sure this will wake her up . " And he nudged her legs apart with his own . I was not prepared for this . I had thought a handsome prince would rescue my sister , not molest her . I screamed in rage and the birds who roosted outside the palace walls heard me , and screamed their reply . Once upon a time , there were two princesses , sisters born in the same hour . One was more beautiful than the dawn on a clear day ; the other as plain as a foggy morning , for the opposite of beauty is not ugliness but ordinariness . They were as different as two sisters could be , and yet they were as close as an egg and its shell , as a picture and its frame , as a song and its singer . They shared only the twilight hours together , for the plain sister woke during the hours that her sister slept , and slept always during the day , while the beautiful sister awoke at dawn and went to bed early at night . These hours were the most precious in the day for the two sisters , and they talked and shared secrets and grew to love each other more with every day that passed . As the years passed , the beautiful sister , Aurora , grew more beautiful still . She became gracious and graceful , sweet and kind , full of charm and accomplished in every womanly art , except for those of needlework and spinning , for her father forbade any to come near her with spindle or knitting needle or thread . She learned all the arts of ruling , too , for she was the elder by five minutes , but her tender heart did not fit her well for governing , and her father talked often of finding a husband who could temper her softness . There was no envy between the sisters , and no resentment . The beautiful sister saw how her plain sister went unnoticed by the court , how she spent her nights studying and fighting and doing endless needlework , how she rarely saw the sun , and was glad beyond measure that she did not live such a life , though she saw that her sister thrived on it . The plain sister saw how her beautiful sister was always in the public eye , how she must always be charming and kind and selfless , how she gave her days to music and dancing and pleasing the court , and had no time for any deeper studies , and though her beautiful sister was clearly happy , the plain sister thought that if she had to live such a life , she would feel like a bird in a cage . One day , he came to a forest , with a castle in the distance . It was a rather lovely castle , fourteenth century or so , with round white towers and blue slate roofs . It looked like a picture from a Book of Hours , the prince thought . He decided that he would like to visit that castle . In the forest , he met a young woman as ordinary as brown bread , who claimed to be from the castle . He shared his lunch with her , and wrote down detailed notes on how to find his way through the forest and through the briars . He was pleasantly surprised to find that the briars did indeed open for him , and the castle likewise . It really was in superb condition . The prince didn 't go in at once , but rather did a circuit of the castle . There was a chapel connected to the main building , he saw , built in the gothic style , with tall spires and intricate stonework . He decided to take a look inside , and pushed open the heavy wooden doors . Inside , he stopped short , enraptured by the the tall windows in white and yellow glass , and the great rose window above the choir that filled the building with light and beauty . He spent the day sketching , and forgot entirely about the plain young woman , and the princess sleeping in the castle tower . And so the prince walked out the castle gate , and through the briars , and out through the forest , back to the inn where he had spent the previous night . At least he had his sketches of the chapel . Perhaps he would build one like it for the royal palace at home . I had never seen the palace in full daylight , and I was in no condition to enjoy it now . It was strangely empty , and I know not what became of the servants or of our parents . I think they must have been spirited away to sleep elsewhere . There were only the two of us left - myself waking , and my sister sleeping . I was afraid , of course . Wouldn 't you be ? Alone in a castle , with a sleeping sister to take care of and nobody to help us if the Fairy Godmother decided to deepen the curse , or if some passer - by chose to attack . And then I sat down on a cushion in her chamber , beside her bed , and began to knit a green scarf . That probably sounds strange to you , but I did not want to leave my sister alone , and I could not simply sit there with my hands folded in my lap . Knitting came as easily to me as breathing , and did not require me to think , at least past the casting on . By the end of the second day , there was no change , and I needed to move , so I went to the garden , and began to pace around the castle walls . I took my knitting with me - I could not bear for my hands to be still - and the scarf grew longer and longer , trailing along the ground behind me as I paced in my agitation . It hardly mattered . I had no idea who I was making it for , and I wasn 't doing a very good job of it anyway . I was distracted , and sleepless - I hadn 't dared close my eyes the night before for fear of someone coming to hurt me or my sister - and so it was probably inevitable that I would jab my own finger with my knitting needles as I walked . For some reason , that was the last straw . I flung my knitting down with a cry , and sucked on my finger . Several drops of blood fell on the knitting , and I burst into tears . A crow landed beside me , cawing enquiringly . I fluttered my fingers in apology , then sighed . " This is impossible . I cannot stay awake for a hundred years , if that is how long my sister will sleep . And how can I protect her if I am sleeping too ? " The crow put his head on one side then hopped over to my knitting , pecking at the bloodstained part . " Build a wall , " he croaked . " Keep them out . " I looked at him . " How ? I have no materials , and in any case , I can 't stay awake long enough to build a wall around the whole palace . " It was a good thing , really , that I had trained so long with the soldiers . The scarf was at least six metres long by now , and digging a trench long enough to plant it was hard work . By the time it was done , night had fallen again , and I was sweating and aching in every limb and covered in mud to my elbows . I wept for my sister , and for my parents , and for myself . I wept for tiredness and for loneliness , and for the fact that I was filthy and would need to find a way to heat water and draw my own bath before I could be clean . I wept because I was seventeen and I didn 't know enough to protect myself and my sister and I didn 't know how I would survive a hundred years of solitude without going mad . I wept until I fell asleep right there in the garden , and when I woke , the sun was high in the sky , but I was in full shade . On my left , the palace towered above me , all white stone and round towers . And on my right was a hedge of rose briars , surrounding the palace and extending as far as the eye could see . Once upon a time there was a King who had three ambitious sons . The eldest son knew that he would inherit the kingdom when the King died , and was content . The second son married a neighbouring princess , and ruled her kingdom , and was likewise content . But the youngest son had no kingdom and no princess , and so he went out into the world to seek his fortune . After many adventures and much wandering , he came to the castle surrounded by briars . He was quick and clever and remembered the advice of the ordinary young woman who he met in the woods , and when he reached the thorny briars he walked into them with confidence and they parted for him . The palace opened at his touch and he ran lightly up the stairs to the tower where the princess lay sleeping . " But your Kingdom is lying fallow , your subjects are sleeping and cannot wake . They need a ruler , and I need a Kingdom to rule . And there is more than one way to break a spell . " He drew his sword . " It will be a clean death , " he promised her . " And I vow that I will serve your people well , for the love of your memory . " I fed his body to the briars , afterward . My sister did not need to wake up to a corpse in her chambers . And he had vowed to serve our kingdom , after all . He might as well be of use . Every day , at dawn and at dusk , she would sit with her , and talk to her about her day , and tell her all her secrets . It wasn 't the same as it had been before . It could never be the same . But in this way she stayed close to her sister , as close as a dream is to a sleeping mind , as close as a tear is to the eye that sheds it . She had her needlework , which could often be turned into very useful things . ( Her tapestry of a bath full of hot water , the steam lovingly embroidered in silver thread , was in nearly daily use . Her crocheted cupcakes , she quickly discovered , could really only be used once , and it was simpler to bake them with real flour and sugar and eggs . ) She had the villagers who visited the inn just outside the forest . They were not friends , perhaps , since they usually forgot who she was in between visits , but this was for the best , since the princess did not age , and there really wasn 't anywhere else nearby where she could eat a hot meal that she hadn 't cooked herself . And they were still company . She had herself . She knew , now , that she could look after herself and her sister , her castle and her gardens and her briars . She knew , now , how to sort the cruel princes from the kind ones , how to protect the foolish ones from themselves , and test the wise ones . She had the princes , too . Year after year , they came to the forest , came questing for the heart of a sleeping princess , and even though they failed , again and again , even though some were cruel and others were foolish , they were a joy to her . As long as they kept coming , she knew the castle had not been forgotten , that her sister would one day awaken . The inn was a friendly , noisy sort of place , and quite full , so he took his flagon of ale and his bowl of stew , and went to find a table . There were no empty tables , but the table closest to the fire was occupied only by a plain young woman with an intelligent face , in a dress as brown as a sparrow 's wing . She had a bowl of stew in front of her , too , and a slice of bread , but no ale . The prince sighed . He had been feeling a little lonely , but evidently the young woman did not wish for company . He began to rise , and she looked up at him , her eyes narrowing as she studied him . This was not the usual response to his confession of royal blood . The prince grinned despite himself . " Probably because I thought I would make a better king than him , " he said , frankly . " And I probably would have , " added the prince . " I 'm better with people than my brother is , and , not to put too fine a point on it , I 'm brighter than he is . But he was right to send me away . He wasn 't doing a bad job , all things considered , and as long as I was there , it was a little too tempting to find out if I was right . And a civil war wouldn 't have done the country any good . " The woman nodded slowly , and then stood . " There is a castle beyond the forest , " she said , " And a sleeping princess inside , waiting to be woken . Perhaps you are the one she is waiting for . Or perhaps not . If you are truly seeking your fortune , I suggest you take the forest path tomorrow . " The prince knew a challenge when he heard one . He also knew a proposition when he heard one , and sadly , that wasn 't one . So he was quite surprised , the next morning , to find the young woman waiting for him on the forest path . The prince laughed . " My brother is the slow one , not me . You shared a meal with me last night , and it takes me longer than that to forget a face . " The prince ate his bread and cheese and sausage slowly , listening as the young woman described the beautiful princess , the curse , the spindle , and her long sleep . She told him of the path to the palace , of how he must speak to the briars to be allowed entrance , and how he must knock three times on the palace door so that it would open . She told him that the princess slept at the top of the highest tower , waiting to be awakened by a kiss . The young woman smiled at him . It was not a friendly smile . " Only for those who have wicked intentions . " She stood . " You do not have to continue down this path . But if you do , I 'd advise you to remember that my sister is well protected . " And before he could question her further , the young woman - the princess 's sister , which must surely make her a princess herself - vanished . I followed the prince as he walked down the forest path towards the hedge of briars , leaving a trail of crumbs behind him . The birds liked those crumbs , and I was happy for the princes to oblige them . At the hedge , he stopped , and kissed the nearest rose . The briars cleared a path for him . It was a narrow one , and he would have to walk carefully if he did not wish to be scratched . The briars had learned from the previous princes . At the palace gate , he knocked three times . The gate swung open , but the prince did not go through . " I would crave a boon of you , gate , " he said . The prince threw me a dark look , and strode over to the bed where my sister lay . His face softened as he looked at her . " What a lovely creature you are , " he murmured , then shook his head . " This feels really odd . She 's asleep . She 's never seen me in her life . She 's going to wake up and slap me . " " I meant , there are no special vows , or words that must be spoken ? Rings that must be exchanged ? " He held up the golden hinge , which he had somehow managed to fashion into a ring while climbing the stairs . Dexterous of him . I shook my head . " Just a kiss . I visited the Godmother who tried to fix the curse , and she said that only a true love 's kiss would suffice . " " But that 's ridiculous . How can anyone fall in love with a sleeping woman ? She 'd be better off being kissed by you - if anyone loves her , it 's her sister . " " It 's a sight closer than anything I can give her . Your sister is a beautiful woman , but for one thing , I don 't know her , and for another , she 's asleep . I 'd far rather kiss you . You 're awake . And you 're interesting . " I hadn 't cried since my tears had watered the briar hedge around the castle , and even then , I had cried alone . It was better with someone 's arms around me . Less lonely . I leaned into the prince 's arms and cried a century 's worth of loneliness into his embrace . I think he tried to say comforting things at first . Soothing things . But I could not be soothed , and after a few minutes , he just held me close , and let me cry all over him while he stroked my hair . He was a very kind prince , I realised . My sister could have done a lot worse . And probably would , if I couldn 't find another way to break the spell . " Thank you , " I said , at last . Somewhere along the way , the prince had moved us into a window seat , and I was sitting half on his lap , leaning against his chest . I felt myself blushing again , and he smiled . " That 's better , " he said . " I 'll have to keep threatening to kiss you . I 'm much better with blushing maidens than with weeping ones . " I shrugged . " Pretty much . I go down to the inn when I want company , and sometimes one of the Fairy Godmothers drops by , but that 's about it . " I frowned . " Depends what you mean by dealt with . There have been a lot who got as far as the forest . Only a few got all the way to the palace . There were a couple who were … difficult . " I swallowed , remembering feathers and blood on the floor , and the feel of flesh yielding under my spindle . I did not supply details , but the prince 's hand found mine anyway , and squeezed it . I looked down at our joined hands , and he let me go , and walked over to look out the window . It was nearly dusk ; nearly time for me to sit with my sister and tell her about my day . I had no idea where I would even start . " You definitely didn 't manage to say that without insulting me , " I told him . " I 'm not stupid . I know we are not safe here . But there 's nowhere else I can go . " The prince turned to me , his face serious . " Let me stay with you , " he said . " You won 't be alone , then . I can help you deal with any princes who turn nasty . You can trust me with your sister , " he added , " I 'm only interested in women who are awake enough to reciprocate my interest . " This was not entirely reassuring , given all his talk of kissing earlier . " I 'm awake , " I said . " Can I trust you with me ? " " What do you get out of this ? " I asked . I knew I sounded belligerent , but I needed to know that my sister and I would be safe . I stared at him blankly , and he continued . " You 're intelligent , resourceful , brave and loyal . You know how to do magic . Also , you 're the heiress to half a kingdom , which I admit , is a consideration for me . Who wouldn 't want a wife like that ? " " Your sister is beautiful . And who knows ? Perhaps if she were awake , she would be as interesting as you are . But I followed the path into the woods because I wanted to know what you wanted from me . I followed the path to the palace because I hoped I would find you here . I asked the briar for a rose and the gate for a ring so that I could court you properly , and I asked the door to lock out those princes who were unworthy so that you would be safe , not just your sister . " The prince stepped closer again , and this time I did not step back . He lifted a hand to cup my cheek . " Also , I really want to kiss you . May I ? " He seemed sincere . And he had held me and let me cry all over him . Which , come to think of it , probably meant that I had a red nose and red eyes right now , and my hair was probably doing bizarre things , too . If he wanted to kiss me now … I tilted my lips up to meet his . I opened my eyes , and stumbled as I stepped back . My knees didn 't seem to be working properly . The prince - whose name , I didn 't even know , I realised - steadied me . He looked pretty pleased with himself . That was fair . I felt pretty pleased with him , too . " Oh my God , Aurora , you 're awake ! " I was on the bed before I knew how I got there , hugging her fiercely . She hugged me back , and I found myself laughing with delight . Tears were welling in my eyes again , and I blinked them back . My sister looked confused . " I don 't know . I don 't even remember falling asleep . I dreamed of you , I remember . You were talking to me , a lot actually , and talking about princes , and spindles , and kisses . It felt like a really long dream . And then I woke up and you were in my room , kissing a man I 've never seen before . I didn 't even know you had a boyfriend ! " I didn 't even know I had a boyfriend either , but this did not seem like the time to mention that . Also , I still didn 't understand how the curse could have been broken . I said so . I turned , and saw the seventh Fairy Godmother standing in front of me . " Wait , so it never had to be Aurora who was kissed ? Why didn 't you tell me that before ? " The Fairy Godmother looked a little embarrassed . " It didn 't occur to me . It must be because you and your sister are so close . But I really thought that one of the princes would fall in love with your sister and break the spell . " The prince and I exchanged glances . I was pretty sure I knew exactly what he was thinking . The word ' pervert ' was definitely part of that sentence . Something else occurred to me . The prince bowed gracefully . " My name is Robert . And yours , I think , is Umbra . " He held out the rose to me in one hand , and the gold ring in the other . " I have no kingdom to offer you , and no better courting gifts than this rose , which you made , and this ring , which I made , and my heart , which is yours already . But my future is yours , too , if you will share it with me . Will you take me as your husband , Umbra ? " Ternes station is situated on the border of the 8th and 17th arondisssements , not far from the Arc de Triomphe in the northwest of Paris . It was opened in 1902 , and serves Line 2 of the Métro system . Ternes station is named for the Place des Ternes , which intern takes its name from Villa Externa , a medieval farm and residence belonging to the Bishop of Paris . The Externa part refers to the fact that it was outside the city walls at the time when the residence was built . Ternes is a whole little region within Paris , extending west from the Arc de Triomphe to the Palais des Congrés , and bordering the Plaine - Monçeau area to the north . The word terne in French means dull or drab , and I liked the idea of a princess who was so dull and drab that people tended to forget that she was there . Terne is also apparently an alloy coating made of lead and tin that was used to cover steel , which worked well for a heroine who appears drab on the outside , but who is in fact very strong on the inside . I decided to make her Sleeping Beauty 's twin sister , who of course you have never heard of because she is really good at going unnoticed , and let 's face it , Charles Perrault is not the man to remember the plain sister of the heroine , now is he ? ( To do him justice Perrault did come up with my favourite excuse ever for not inviting that last godmother - not enough nice gold plates to go around . The moral of the story is thus don 't be stingy , and just buy another gold plate and cup . It works out cheaper in the long run … ) There are lots and lots of versions of Sleeping Beauty . Some of them are more disturbing than the others , like the old Italian version in which the prince rapes the princess as she is sleeping , and she gives birth to twins , and only wakes up when one of the twins , who is trying to suckle and evidently failing , sucks on her finger and draws out the splinter of spindle . ( The moral of this story is make sure you have a good pair of tweezers in the first aid cabinet , and don 't just assume someone is in a coma until you have made a basic attempt to treat the injury . ) Some have sequels with jealous mother in laws ( or , in the Italian version , the prince 's actual wife ) attempting to kill Sleeping Beauty and her children ( the moral of this particular story is make sure you know precisely what meat is in the pie your jealous wife or mother is feeding you . Really . ) . And others have been watered down and made romantic , for a definition of romantic that includes love at first sight . All of this seemed to bear a certain amount of examination , and really , I felt that Sleeping Beauty deserved to have a careful sister who was not going to let any princes misbehave themselves on her watch . I wasn 't expecting the romantic ending , though . Not sure how that happened . The rose divider is an edited version of a watercolor botanical drawing " Rosa gallica Aurelianensis " , by Pierre - Joseph Redouté ( 1759 - 1840 ) , available from Wikimedia Commons and in the public domain . The picture of Sleeping Beauty is a detail from The Sleeping Beauty by John Collier in 1921 , against which I have committed an act of artistic vandalism , by cropping it to remove the extra woman , and adding some very green knitting . I apologise to John Collier 's ghost for this . I have no excuse . The original picture ( without knitting ) is from Wikimedia Commons and in the public domain . Leave a Reply Cancel reply Your email address will not be published . 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" Don 't worry ; this one 's not like the rest . It 's bigger , better , and we can make money from it ! " I said with determination all over my face . " Today 's a perfect day ! It is really hot , it 's summer , and we can give the money to the animal foundation ! " Aria said . We got a big plastic table , table cloth , and made the lemonade at my house ; then we went to Aria 's house , which was conveniently down across the road , and made the sign there because she has a big art studio . Aria 's all about organization , so it was easy to set up . We finished quickly and went to our neighborhood park . We put the table up and set up fast . " Wow ! It looks good ! " I said with satisfaction . The population of the park was high . That meant more customers ! Our first customers were two kids about eight . They gave us a dollar , even though the lemonade was 25 ¢ . We told them that , but they let us keep the extra , and we didn 't argue . We had a lot more customers until everyone at the park had lemonade . I started to put on some Taylor Swift music , and Aria and I started rocking out because Taylor Swift was our favorite . It turned out , everyone at the park liked Taylor Swift , too , so they started dancing with us ! It was one of my all - time favorite moments . We got to the animal shelter with the money in an envelope . We both ran in and gave the director the money . " Thank you , girls . The doggies and kitties will be very happy ! " she said like we were two , even though we were both eleven . " No , you subtracted five not four . These are not the expectations for your grade , Fauna , you 're in sixth grade now . You should know these kinds of things , " the teacher turned away to call on another kid whose hand had been raised for about nine minutes now . " Why do I even have to go to school ? " Fauna screamed . She was in the bathroom complaining about all of this to her tiger , her kitten , and her spotted hyena . " Thanks , Clover , I appreciate it , but that 's not what I 'm worried about . " Fauna had a dim expression on her face . " You started meowing in class like you always do , someone in my group glanced over at me for a second , and they gave me a look like ' weirdo . ' " " Be quiet , Darius ! Ugh , I 'm going to go back to class . I 'm sure they miss me , " Fauna sarcastically said , and it was clear the discussion was over . " No ! You 're just slow ! You always carry around that giant backpack with a giant grin like you own the place ! " shouted Fauna 's old friend , Britney . Britney , a few other kids , and Fauna had been all racing each other happily until Fauna was just about to win the race . Then Britney jabbed her elbow into Fauna and pushed ahead , winning the race . Fauna was hoping to become friends with Britney again , but Britney was giving a really bad impression to Fauna now . Every year on our block , we have a competition . This isn 't any competition where we reward the first one to eat a pie , or have a race , or hold a staring contest . In fact , it has all of those things plus more . This year it 's going to be even better than the years before ; it 'll be filled with action and tricks . Now , I give you permission to sit back , relax , and enjoy the show . At the beginning of the games , my family and I have an introduction . Then we have a discussion about the rules and how the games are going to work . We walk through the entire thing . This year the competition took up the whole street ! After the introduction and rules discussion , everyone scatters out and warms up for the races . I 'm so excited , this year 's going to be great . There is also a huge crowd this year . The games are about to start . Everyone is lined up at the starting line . My mom is off to the side and yells , " On your mark , get set , GO ! " Everyone runs onto the first section which is this : a division problem . I know it 's education , and no one wants to do math , but we thought there could be a fun twist , where you have to use your brain . The problem was this : 137 divided by 3 . It took about 30 seconds for the first team to move on . They were the Devil Dabbers . Next was the pie - eating contest . The Devil Dabbers , which I will now call DD , had a head start . Wait , the Nasty Nae - Nae 's were right behind them ! The DD 's sat down and started to eat the pie , and ten seconds later , the Nasty Nae - Nae 's were eating next to them . Those Nasty Nae - Nae 's are very quick at eating because it took them only about 30 seconds to eat that pie . You should 've seen the expressions on everyone 's faces ; they were massively surprised . That puts the Nasty Nae - Nae 's in the lead . The next course you have to build a tower of blocks that is taller than yourself . These Nae - Nae 's , they are very tall . They may have trouble building the tower . Three minutes later all the teams are there trying to make a tower , except for one team . Those are the Wacky Whippers . They finally make it to the building event . The Whippers actually happen to be extremely short . They manage to build the tower in under five minutes , beating the other teams . They make it to the last course : The Staring Contest . The Wipers have to wait for another team to build their tower so they can go against them . The first team that arrives are the Quick Quanners . Now , the Quanners won last year in the staring contest , so the expectation is set high for them . They immediately start . It takes a long time , but you can tell the Quanners ' eyes are starting to water . The Whippers , on the other hand , are doing absolutely fine . Ten seconds later , the Quanners ' eyes blinked , and everyone is super surprised and amazed . The Whippers smile in satisfaction . They have just won the Great Neighborhood Games . Jarrett had a suggestion . " Maybe Kai next door took it without permission . If I go over and ' hang out , ' he might have it somewhere , " Jarrett said suspiciously . It seemed like a good plan with the exception of the little white lie about wanting to hang out . As though a mudslide had caused deadly erosion , Jarrett darted over to Kai 's house as though he was running for his life . He knew his mom couldn 't help there , so he went alone . He hopped on their front porch and rang the doorbell . He heard the footsteps of Kai 's mom coming to the door . Kai 's mom gave Jarrett some information on the house rules , and he went into the house and saw Kai right there in front of him , munching on chips from a bag of Lays Potato Chips . " Hey , have you seen my Obi wan Kenobi action figure anywhere ? " Jarrett said . He watched Kai 's face to see the expression to tell whether he was guilty or honest . He walked around Kai 's bright green bed . There was tension in the air . He opened up the box and saw Obi Wan lying upside down . Jarrett picked up the figure and slammed the toy box drawer . He had finally found his figure and knew Kai was not a true friend . He walked home and turned the bright gold door handle to the left , opening the door . " Mom , I found Obi Wan , and Kai had it all along . " I hurriedly added color and expression to my piece , people screaming suggestions at me from the stands , and so much action going on around me that I could hardly focus . I only had five minutes left , but I knew I wouldn 't be satisfied until my painting was complete . My work had to win , it had to be published , or else my lifelong dream would be crushed , and so would my career . Not only that , but everyone rooting for me had high expectations for my work , making the tension levels even higher . I dumped my brush into a can of red paint , and it splashed on the corner of my ocean drawing . I put my head in my hands , ready to cry , but instead I covered the red with the original blue and cried inside for the sake of time . I looked at the clock , thirty seconds . As I looked around , I noticed a variety of paintings . There was one showing a car collision with the residue flying in the air , and another one that was simply color splattered across the canvas . I couldn 't see the last two people 's paintings , but everyone was staring at them in what I assumed was awe , and I got nervous with such tough competition . We soon walked into the waiting room as the judges had a discussion and came to a conclusion on who won and who lost . We were only waiting for six minutes , but it felt like an eternity to me . When we finally walked back outside , I was really jittery , with butterflies in my stomach as I silently questioned if I had made it . As I entered the Kaiser surgery center in Santa Rosa , my arm was aching , just like in many years past . " Twenty years of baseball still hurts , " I muttered to myself . My decision to have an operation was a suggestion from my golfing partner of many years , as he also had the same injury that ruined his rotator cuff over time . With the exception of hockey in my younger years , baseball took its toll over time . I always hoped baseball would be my profession , but building things for important people paved the way to a decent life . My disposition and this " minor surgery " was a one - way ticket to better health I soon dreamed of , I hoped . On December 2 , 2015 , I will enter the well - lit room of Surgery B . Hopefully , the conclusion of this surgery will set me on a new path of freedom and flexibility . Who knows , maybe my golf game will get better , and I will have no aches and pains from everyday activities . " Welcome to the Annual Gymnastics Competition ! " one of the judges calls through the speaker . " This year , not only are we going to see the fine gymnasts in their home gym , but we are going to give you a good education about the sport ! " My eardrums almost explode from all the cheering . I don 't show my appreciation for the gymnasts by calling their name when it is their turn on the vault like most people , but I just pat them on the back nicely after they are done . I go back into the warm - up room to see my daughter , Lindsey . That room is a madhouse ! I see the different selection of outfits hanging on the closet door ; I wonder who made them . The coach pulls everyone together to talk about his expectations and off they go . The order of events is vault , then bars , then beam , and then floor . The teams race through all the events and we get to the floor routines . My daughter and a girl from the opposing team are up next . The music starts playing and they do their routines . Towards the last half of the routines , they both jump up to the same place and a collision occurs . Both girls fall to the ground as it happens so quickly . The girl from the other team is really hurt so someone calls out to the gymnastics organization to call for an ambulance . The expression on my daughter 's face is sad because she thinks the accident is her fault and she is responsible for the other girl being injured . The judges tell Lindsey to keep going with her routine . As she reaches the final position , a look of satisfaction is shot my way . The competition has officially ended . We return to the warm - up room to make suggestions on how the girls could improve . A while later , the coach comes to me to tell me that Lindsey is one of the best gymnasts on the team , and he would like to ask permission to take her to the finals in Nebraska . I look at him in shock , not knowing what to say . " Hey , Lindsey , come here . , I would like to talk to you , " I say to my daughter with excitement . Tonight was Halloween , the night of appreciation for ghouls and ghosts all over the USA . I had an enormous selection of costumes . My mom 's suggestion was to be a witch , but I was already that last year . I decided to go as a demon fairy . When I put my costume on , a feeling of pure satisfaction spread along my face . I walked outside to find my best friends , Violet and Celeste , already waiting outside . I got the impression that they were planning something . Their mischievous expressions glowed as they stood under the streetlights . My expectation was that they were going to force me into a haunted house , which I hate going in , by the way . " What are you talking about ? I love education ! " said Violet . I rolled my eyes as they continued stalling until I finally asked which haunted house we were going in . As they told me , my eyes grew wider . We were going into the scariest , most horrific , freakiest haunted house in the town , the Johnson 's house . " I AM NOT GOING THERE ! " I exclaimed . " YOU CAN ' T MAKE ME ! " They put on their puppy dog faces . Darn ! I can never escape those . As we reached the mansion of terror , I asked my mom for permission to go inside . Unfortunately , she said yes . When we walked inside , I could see the people who made this haunted house definitely used organization . All the spiders were neatly spread out on the walls and ceiling . Suddenly , a zombie grabbed my leg . As I wriggled free , another one grabbed my arm , and I screamed . Violet , Celeste , and I all ran down the hall and shrieked when a werewolf howled and chased us into the next room . Count Dracula stalked us in his chamber as he got out of his coffin , and a creepy dude with a chainsaw , who jumped out of the curtains , made me leap backwards , and he chased us out of the haunted house . On a cold , dark , and foggy Halloween night there were people of all ages collecting candy from house to house . I asked my mom for permission to go trick or treating because it was so dark and spooky - looking outside . Not only that , but in the dark , all of the Halloween lights looked much scarier . When my friends , Neena and Marika , arrived , we commenced our Halloween trick or treating at a giant - looking haunted house . Actually , most of the houses in my neighborhood had very scary decorations . We transitioned from house to house in my neighborhood , searching for the perfect full - sized candy . However , perceiving really quickly that all the houses had run out of candy left us with the curiosity of wondering why my neighborhood was candy - less . We all had stunned expressions on our faces when we realized that all the candy was gone in only two hours . Marika and Neena had suggested that we try a new neighborhood so we had a little discussion between us to decide which neighborhood we would try . We ended up walking to Neena 's neighborhood . It was like a small town , and we had big expectations that we would score a lot of candy . Unfortunately , we were wrong and soon disappointed because every single house was out of candy . Each house that we went to that was out of candy just added to our disappointment . After walking to several houses , the three of us looked at our collection of candy , and all together , we only had three pieces of candy ! We finally stopped and realized that we should try Marika 's neighborhood . On the way , we saw another really creepy haunted mansion . Even though we were scared , we really wanted to get some more candy . So , as we crept along the rough , uneven pathway to the house , we just focused on the treats we might receive . When we got to the front of the old , beige door , there was a gigantic cauldron full of all types of candy that you could imagine ! You can imagine how big our eyes got ! We started to gaze in awe when we saw a sign on the cauldron saying , " Take All . " We were so excited that we just started grabbing handfuls of candy . By the time the cauldron was empty , Marika , Neena , and I all had the same amount of candy . When we got back to my nice , cozy , blue house , we started to pour our piles of candy out in my living room . Then all of a sudden , we had a marvelous idea … to make some Candy Angels . We nestled in our huge piles of candy and made the " Candy Angels . " We all loved the feel of the rough wrappers , the smell of the delicious candy , and the sound of the crunching , crinkling papers . Who knew that my treat - full night would be such a great Halloween surprise ! Here I was at the peak of a volcano in Hawaii . My friends and I were 800 feet in the air looking at the dark , deep crevices in the mountainside . We had great appreciation for the beautiful scenery when we looked down below us . My friend , Spencer , had to ask permission to come with us to Hawaii . The transmission on our car had broken down on the way up to the volcano . We nearly had a collision with another car when we stopped dead in the middle of the road . We had to call AAA to come help us get our car started . Anyways , my friends , Spencer and Ben , and I were having a competition to see who could get closest to the crater of the volcano . Then Ben decided to walk up to the center of the volcano and look down into the crater . Smoke blasted up into his face , and I yelled , " Ben , RUN ! " He bolted out of there as quickly as he could and started tumbling down the volcano ! Spencer grabbed him and found that he had broken his arm . Ben grimaced in pain when Spencer touched his right arm while stopping his fall . I went back up towards the top to see that there was black smoke rising up out of the volcano . There was a lot of tension when I told everyone that we had to get down the mountain as fast as possible . We started running down the mountain when we looked up to see a huge eruption rising above our heads . I 'm surprised that we weren 't killed right then and there . There were huge amounts of cinders and ash flying above our heads . While I ran , I saw a river of lava start to form and slowly drift down the volcano . We were in a bad position , and we really needed to find protection . Once we got down the volcano , we threw ourselves into the car , and I told my mom to step on it ! We got out of there just in time and chose to just go home . I gave a suggestion to never go to the top of a volcano and look into it ! We were very lucky that we were all okay , with the exception of Ben 's broken arm . When we were at school and people asked how Ben broke his arm , we got to tell this whole story all over again . It used to be a sport ; it used to be for fun , but now it 's serious . Everyone wants to join this violent competition . Scientists , doctors , parents , and kids my age fight with robots ; yes , I said robots . The robots go into a ring and one leaves . The person controlling the winning robot gets the money . I 'm talking millions of dollars , and I am determined to win . I sit in my room , preparing for what is yet to come . Tomorrow I sign up for the competition and fight in the arena . My friend , Robert , and I are a team . We often stay up late tinkering on our robot , adding anything and everything to make him a fighting machine . As we labor , the expression on my face is excited . Tomorrow , they choose who will fight . Robert arrives , toolbox in hand . We rush up to my room and haul our robot into the center . We bolt into action . I screw a laser onto our robot 's eyes , and Robert adds gold to the hands to make them heavy . We make the decision to stop working on the robot , and I go to sleep shortly after . I wake up tired . I grab a can of spray paint and spray the robot . I go to town hall to put my name on the sign - up list , and then I go to the arena . The announcer picks up his microphone . " In this corner , weighing in at 800 pounds , we have Ambush ! And in this corner , weighing in at 750 pounds , Lightning ! Ready ? Fight ! " " May I make a suggestion ? Do the chest slam , " Robert says . I grab my controller and chest slam him . I do a left uppercut , followed by a quick jab . He throws a haymaker , but I duck , sweep kicking him to the ground . I pick the robot back up and throw him down on the ground . I pick him up once again , throwing him in the air , and I punch the top of his head . I stand over him and pull his head off . I thrust it in the air . I 'm going on to the next fight . There is a small selection of fighters , but there is still the champion , Zeus . He scares me , but I won 't worry about him now . I have to fight Midas . He is gold , has a Mohawk , and is a good robot . I step into the ring with satisfaction that I have worked my way up to the champion of the first division . I jump into the ring and throw a punch at his head . I punch his chest so that he flies back . I throw him into the air , punching the top of his head and finally ripping it off . I 've won the finals . The championship is here , and this is where I will have a collision with Zeus . I hop into the ring and slam my fists together . Then Zeus hops into the air , probably fifty feet high . There is an eruption of applause . I can feel the tension around me . I throw an uppercut , but Zeus catches my fist and throws me back . I jump up , knocking into his head and making him stumble back . I lean forward , making a powerful blow to Zeus 's chest . I throw my hands back and slam them into his head , stunning him , and then I throw him to the ground . When he falls to the ground , I pick him up by the arm and pull . I can see my robot smoking . If I do not win this , I will lose my chance at the money . I pull the arm straight out and swing it back , making contact with Zeus 's head . I repeatedly hit him with his own detached arm . Then I swing a punch at his head , knocking it off . I give Robert a high - five . Now we are millionaires . Two kids have beaten several adults . This was our dream to win , and we did it . So , here is my introduction . It was a day like any other day . I was going to perform an operation on a dog . The expression on the owner 's face when I told her how much the operation would cost made her eyes become as big as softballs . My profession was in the field of veterinary care for dogs and cats . I had a discussion with the dog 's owner . My suggestion to her was not to feed her dog after 8 : 00 p . m . that evening for the surgery was scheduled for the next day . After diagnosing the dog , my conclusion was that the dog had a rare form of cancer , but before I could perform the surgery , I had to get permission from the owner . After observing the dog and giving things much consideration , I made a decision to recommend to the owner that if the surgery was not successful , to put the dog down . I knew that the owner was going to take the news in a very bad way . Her disposition was sad , but incredibly kind after I spoke with her . I decided to perform the surgery the next day . The owner then said , " I 'm sorry , but I can 't pay you . My house is built on a mountain that has formed an erosion problem , so I gave her a publication of a book about putting your dog down . I marked in quotations what the owner should read . After I put the dog down , I could feel the satisfaction on the owner 's face , knowing that her beloved dog was no longer in pain . " Hey , you ! Peter Permission , stop talking this second or you will be going to the office with a detention slip ; you got that ? " hollers Ms . Erosion . " Sorry , without exception , I will never talk again without your permission . I am truly sorry , " I reply with a frog in my throat . I have never had a teacher who yelled at me this much , but I 'm pretty sure she is getting us ready for seventh grade . She always gives me weird facial expressions , and I just smile back like I don 't even notice . I do not want to keep being nice to her , but my mom says I have no decision to make about showing respect to my teacher , whether or not I like her . " Oh , yeah . I guess we will have a discussion about that even though you should already know this , " replies Ms . Erosion . Finally , the obtuse lesson is over , and it is time for grammar . Yeah , not . Ms . Erosion always hollers at us for asking a question . After the hollering about how we should have already learned about subtracting fractions , I look over my grammar homework and see that I have forgotten the quotation marks . That is a gigantic mistake . Then I also realize that my introduction is a complete fail . Ms . Erosion comes to my table where I am trying so hard to explain why I did not do the homework correctly , but she grabs the paper out of my hand . I know I am in for a rude awakening ! I spy on Ms . Erosion so I can see her face when she sees my paper . When she comes to my work , I am shocked to see her face in total satisfaction . I look again to see if it is truly my paper , and it is . I am so happy to see her write an A + on the top of my paper ; I think that is my very first A + this year ! As I am thinking about my success and walking toward the pencil sharpener , pandemonium breaks out as the teacher is all nestled up in her seat at her desk . My class is beginning to become out of control just because Ms . Erosion is quietly talking with another teacher . I just ignore everything and return to my seat with my pointy , petite pencil in my hand so I can begin writing about the first time I got an A + grade . As Ruby received permission to go into the show ring , you could tell by her facial expression that she was as nervous as a child learning to ride a bike for the first time ever . She backed up to ask her mom a question about Mary , Ruby 's Holstein cow . " What if Mary doesn 't even place ? " I t was the day before the National Dairy Show . Every dairy cattle owner was going to attend it , and Ruby Safeway was one of those owners . However , Ruby had to have a long discussion with her parents the night before the show to see if they would allow her to attend . Her parents finally came to the decision that Ruby deserved to go to the show . When Ruby was preparing her show box and had checked off everything on her list , she came to a conclusion about competing . " Mary and I could win this , and if we do , we would win one thousand dollars and a tremendous trophy , too . We should try to win this . " Mary mooed her agreement . The next morning it was a rush . Everything was going by so quickly , with the exception of the two - hour long truck ride to the show . Once Ruby and her mom arrived , they checked in and got settled . Once in the competition ring with the finalists , Ruby was walking slowly enough for the judge to look at her and Mary . The judge pointed straight at Ruby and Mary to start the line . Ruby knew exactly what this meant ; she had won it all . When Ruby hugged Mary , she said , " I love you . " Ruby 's heart was racing as she grabbed onto her mom . Ruby was so happy . Then she went to get her winning rosette , and of course , her check for one thousand dollars . They believed that protection of the population was the most important thing . Okay , let me think … rocks ? ? ? People ? ? ? Rocks ? ? ? People ? ? ? Hmm … they might be right ! " Oh , no ! " I thought to myself . " I really have to go ! " I remembered drinking a lot of water the past few hours , but I didn 't think it would be this bad ! Finally , I had the guts to ask Ms . Profession if I could go to the bathroom . Luckily , she said yes , but unfortunately , there was one exception related to gaining permission to leave in the middle of class to use the bathroom . Ms . Profession insisted on giving you a suggestion , and she called it the " Profession Suggestion . " It was always this : " Look at your peers . Do you see anyone else asking to go to the bathroom ? No . So I would suggest that you not cause any further pandemonium during your next biology class . Understand ? " Then you always had to answer , " Okay , " and then she would have a discussion with you after class for your " inappropriate " behavior , and you would be late for your next class , and then that teacher would hold you at the end of class , and you would get in trouble at your next class , and on and on and on and on until the day was over , and you just ended up receiving F grades in every subject . Then you would really regret your decision , and you would receive no satisfaction from your choice , AND you could never , ever , ever find ANY positive conclusion for your acts . Now , let me tell you this . Ms . Profession has a very , very strict disposition , and she has always been that way , and she will never change . She will always tell you to change you facial expression or to take that look off your face , whether she likes your facial expression or not . She 's just weird that way . She does it because she likes to make children feel bad . So there are all the reasons why you should not go to the bathroom during any class whatsoever . I think you can see why . Oh , and P . S . , Ms . Profession also makes you write a five hundred word essay on why you needed to go to the bathroom and why your bladder felt like it would explode and why it will if you do not urinate after you drink water . So , it 's simple . Just don 't ask . Stop that ! Do that ! Being a teacher is the worst job ever . Here is a suggestion : Never become a teacher . Last year was my first year teaching at Really Boring Elementary School . I taught third grade , and in third grade , you have to teach your students about erosion in science . I cannot tell you how bored I was teaching my class . I do not think my students liked it at all either . In tedious English , I had to teach my students where quotation marks go . In writing , I had to teach my class how to write a conclusion . I am pretty sure I didn 't teach it very well because only two people understood it . Math was probably the worst , though , because I had to try to teach my class about the order of operations . It was really bad because that is what I struggled with in school , and to try to teach a class of students something you do not understand is pretty hard . I hate field trips , but one of the parents complained to the principal , so I had a discussion with the principal , and he told me I had to have at least one field trip . I was not very excited , but I scheduled my class 's first field trip to Little Town Farm . On the day of the field trip , only a few kids had turned in their permission slips . Instead of canceling the trip , I made the exception that the whole class could go on the trip , even though they did not all have their permission slips . When we arrived at the farm , it was gloomy out , and it looked like it would rain any second . Then , suddenly , it really did start to rain . Pit , pat , pit , pat went the rain as it hit the brown , muddy ground . Boom went thunder as a yellow strike of lightning hit the faded , red , ramshackle barn . The whole barn caught on fire , and the farmer told us we would have to cancel the trip . I was fine with that , so I gathered up my class , and we headed back to school . Early morning light streamed though Peter Smith 's window . Dawn had broken in the magnificent Kingdom of Lindsmor , creating a golden glow about the castle . It was a perfect day for Peter to set off on his quest ! Peter woke abruptly as honey colored light danced across his face . He narrowly missed hitting his head on the low ceiling as the events and his promise of last night came back to him . He had to leave now ! The expectation of gold and riches was too great . Quiet as mouse , Peter began stuffing a cloak , a crust of bread , and even though the intensity of the words of the riddle had burned an impression in his brain , he hurriedly brought the map , too . Hastily , Peter wrote a quick note to his parents telling them he 'd be back that evening . The wooden door clicked shut as Peter headed to the wharf to fetch himself a boat to go to Hang Man 's Isle , the place where his treasure lay ! As Peter plodded along the dusty road to the wharf , he wondered if he 'd have any competition for the treasure , and he mulled over the thought of bringing a knife just in case , but decided against it . Soon enough , he arrived at the docks . Just as a fisherman was heading off , Peter jumped , and landed with a soft thump , nimble as a cat , aboard the vessel . Then he crouched behind some nets to wait until the shabby boat passed by Hang Man 's Isle , where he would jump off . While the boat crawled along , Peter ran over what he knew . Organization was very important during a quest , also being calm , and …………… . . A few minutes later , Peter found himself , dripping wet on the abandoned shores of Hang Man 's Isle , but extremely pleased with himself . Now all he had to do was find the treasure , wherever that was ! The map was so faded , it only proved useless . ' At the place the traitors had to pay , ' the words of the rhythm drifted through his mind . The gallows ! Peter immediately set off on the well - worn path the prisoners took , marching towards their death . Peter knew he was nearing the gallows because of the amount of collisions he had with wild dogs corroding bones with their ravenous chewing . Each of the dogs had given him a reproachful glance , but all of them had been too busy to attack him , for which Peter felt grateful . Finally , Peter came to a single gallows with a hole dug in the earth underneath it . Peter prayed a quick prayer of thanks to the dogs , whom he was sure had dug the hole in searching for bones . Inside the hole lay an ancient chest . With trembling fingers , Peter lifted out the box and pried open the rusty lid … . . It was just as the stranger said ! There were heaps of glimmering gold and pouches of rare and precious gems of all shapes and sizes ! This was more than enough to make his family happy and for him to get a proper education . Yet , Peter felt a feeling of omission ; Peter had to do something to let this island know he appreciated this gift . He dug into one of the pouches and pulled out a large diamond and set in the hole . Feeling satisfied , Peter set off for the shore , happy thoughts for the future in mind . " Oof ! Sorry , " I grumbled as I left the collision where I bumped into the lady getting her canned soup . I was getting all the ingredients I needed to make for Frankenstein cupcakes for the Haunted House Extravaganza for school the next day . There was to be a competition to see who could make the scariest cupcake , and I was determined to win . Now I needed to get all the ingredients necessary for the other monster cupcake I would bake ! I selected all kinds of yummy goodies such as Jelly Beans , M & M 's , Fruity O 's , and more to get the judges impressed . Ding ! I heard the timer ring , and I ran to the stove and pulled out the muffin pan . I put all the finishing touches on both the cupcakes and voila ! My cupcakes were a success ! I was glad I used my organization skills by making steps to follow . I hoped it would be enough to win the judges over . A couple hours later , I set my cupcakes down onto the snack shack table and stood behind it as the judges passed . My heart was beating vigorously as I stood behind the tables watching the judges come to a halt . I heard a sound of oohs and ahhs . Had I given a good impression ? Scribble , scribble , scratch ! They wrote down some notes ; then passed by . Later on , it was time to announce the contest winners ! There were to be a first , second , and third place winner . " Third place is … . . Rebecca Augustein for creating a grave stone cupcake . Congratulations ! " I heard one of the committee judges announce . " Now , finally the moment you have all been waiting for . First place is … . Janie Jorgenson for creating two scrumptious looking cupcakes : one as gory Frankenstein and the other , a cute candy monster ! Congratulations ! " I heard the voice of the last committee member as I raced up the steps to receive my medal . I had such a great time ! It was definitely enjoyable seeing all the cupcakes and getting 1st place ! I loved the medal I got because it was another keepsake for me to relish , even though it was only plastic . " I have something very exciting for you this day , " she said with a smile and satisfaction in her voice . " Today , you will all be writing a two - page essay on why you should behave better , on making better decisions , and on your disposition in school , " she explained as she passed out binder paper . The expression on all of our faces came with a " huh ? " and a lifted eyebrow . " In addition , you all also have to include an introduction and a conclusion . This essay must be on my desk … hmm … my suggestion would be a week from now . For an exceptional grade , work hard . " There one was a little girl named Kinderella . Kinderella was sweet and lovable . She was a princess , but only lived with her father , the king , who was just like Kinderella . They lived in a castle far , far in the woods , with lots of wildlife around , so Kinderella would play with the animals all day . Kinderella was not like any other princess ; she did not like to have her hair look fancy . She didn 't like to wear dresses , and she went to school and was treated like every other student . She thought it was wonderful ! One day , disaster struck . The king was outside getting tomatoes for dinner that night , and there was an earthquake . The earthquake caused erosion and a rock slide down the hill , big rocks and small rocks tumbling down . The poor king was swept away and had to be in the hospital . The doctors told sad Kinderella that her father would be fine , but they would have to do an operation on him . Sadly , the doctors didn 't know anyone else to call , but her mother . Kinderella 's mother 's disposition was horribly mean . Her profession was a school teacher , and she was a MEAN schoolteacher , and no students liked her at all . Every time someone would ask Kinderella about her mother , she would say " mother , " and put her fingers up to show quotation marks , saying she didn 't really think of her mother as her real mother . When the mom did live with Kinderella and her father , and her mom would read fairytale books to her , the mom wouldn 't read the conclusion , so she would never know the happy ending , just the bad one . The saddest thing is , that Kinderella couldn 't even remember the last time she had a real discussion with her mom . Whoosh ! The door opened to the hospital and in came her mother who looked formidable in her dark black dress . " Let 's go ! " her mother said very rudely . " Okay , " Kinderella uttered while running for the door to catch up with her mother . By the time Kinderella got back to her house , she had to get away from her mother . " Mother , do I have permission to go outside ? " she asked . Kinderella wept in her hands outside . Just then two soldiers walked up to Kinderella and gave her a letter . Then they stalked off toward the castle . Kinderella quickly started reading the letter . I have a suggestion for you , and I think it would be the best to follow . Do not ! And I mean do not disobey your grandma because you think she is lying . I will tell you that if your grandma has a grumpy disposition and tells you not to go down to her mysterious forest , A . K . A . the backyard , then don 't do it ! She just tells you it 's because of all the poison oak . Poison oak , what a joke ! It all started when I planned to hatch an operation that would give me permission to go to the mysterious forest , A . K . A . backyard . The backyard was under a grizzled eroding deck . Under that deck , I could barely make out a quotation saying " Enter if you dare . " Who knew what was hiding ? You probably wouldn 't want to know because you would be afraid of a gruesome monster snatching you down into its chamber and eating you alive . But , actually , there is only a slim chance of that happening . I , Camille , would go down to that forest and observe the whereabouts of anything that would ever dare live down there . There was only one thing keeping me away from that place … My grandma ! " You know , frogs in your rustic , broken hot tub . I 'm going to catch them . It is my profession , actually , " I said in a tone that would convince my grandma enough so that she would leave . " Frogs , huh ? Well , all right . Come back in at twelve for lunch ; there will be no exceptions , and we will have deviled eggs . " As soon as my grandma left , I ambled toward the screen door that led to the hot tub . Whoosh ! The dirty water splashed as I lifted the top . Ribit - ribit , the sound of frog surrounded me as I reached toward their slimy bodies . Sliurp ! Sliurp ! I turned around and quivered out , " Who 's there ? " Sliurp ! Sliurp ! " Okay , you got me ; stop playing around , " I sneered . Ribit ! Ribit , I heard as one of the frogs was bobbing toward the narrow railings of the deck . " Wait ! " I screamed . R - I - B - B - I - T was the faint sound of the frog falling through the railings ! My petite hand reached out for the slimy creature . Then I heard , Cree … ack , as the rail broke . " AHHH ! " I screamed as I tumbled toward the unfathomable forest . Kerplunk ! Cree … ack ! This was the sound of my ankle as it broke in two . Was this it ? Was this the conclusion of my life ? Where was I ? I thought wondered to myself . Then it finally occurred to me that I had stumbled into the mysterious forest , A . K . A . the backyard . Splash , splash , splash ! ! ! ! ! ! The sound of my verdant and water - filled boots stomped along the vibrant path where another critter once galloped along before . My eyes foggy , my clothes grew huge on me as I lost more and more weight , my expressionless face , zombie - like . This was not my decision , not my thinking at all . What I had in mind was that I would go on an exploration in search of the rare salamander , to write an essay from introduction to conclusion about them , and to earn enough money to get an operation for my tumor in my spine . As you see , my profession was great until my camera crew all fell off a cliff and died while taping a waterfall . Life is now a surviving , dead , disappointment … " Ah , ha ! " I yelped with satisfaction and insanity as I sat down finally . CRACK ! The stump crumbling away with water erosion fell into the ground . I was totally sick of this , period ! The next day would be survival day , which meant I would devour some food , stay toasty warm , and get the heck out of there . That morning after unwinding from my sleep , I got up and went in search of food . I soon found some : berries ( learned these were not poisonous in survival class last summer ) , some plantains ( huge bananas ) , tasty plant roots ( not sure what plant root ) . Then I tried to build a fire ( that did not work to well ) . Out of my terrible luck , I found no lightning struck branches or anything . Now it was time to leave , as I had learned from survival TV shows , to go out into the open and make some kind of huge sign that said " SOS " or " HELP . " I made my stone sign and sat back , waiting hopefully . It worked ! A large helicopter saw me and came down to the moist earth and picked me on up . They fed me and gave me some hot chocolate and water . They also warmed me up with a super soft blanket . I soon returned home and started back on track with biology . I got permission from my doctor to get my tumor removed and taken care of very well . I now will live my life happily and never go to the jungle again . Some part of me felt like he was being sarcastic , and the other part of me felt like he was telling the truth . Really , my dad didn 't take this surgery thing too seriously . In fact , he was just sitting on the couch , drinking Coca Cola , and humming a song that I had no idea he even knew . " Oh , don 't worry about me . I 'll be fine ; it 's just heart surgery . It 's not like I 'm going to die or anything , " he said in conclusion . One hour later after we settled in the hospital , I looked up at the clock that read 12 : 00 . My dad 's surgery had just begun . To be honest with you , I was kind of nervous for him . I mean anything bad can happen when a doctor is taking a saw , cutting open your chest , finding your heart , and taking out all of that slimy redness . Even if I 'm overreacting just a little bit , I think it still sounds dangerous . Nonetheless , the last thing I needed was getting these crazy ideas about what could happen in the operation room . As I was just sitting in the chair reading a book , I heard a sudden panic coming from my dad 's operation room . I heard the doctor say something like , " I need another nurse pronto ! We are losing him fast . " And that 's when a frantic look came upon my face . I didn 't know what to do ; my mom had gone to the drug store to get my dad 's medicine , so I fell to my knees and cried like I was a baby who lost its pacifier . As soon as I gathered myself , I finally had the courage to look in the operation room to get a clearer look at what was happening . Usually you would need permission to go in while they were operating but I didn 't care . As I walked across the panicky threshold , I saw that the monitor showing my dad 's heartbeat was a straight line . At that very second , I saw the erosion of my dad 's life flash before my very own eyes . When my mother came back , I cried the news to her . That 's when she fell to the floor bawling her eyes out . I don 't think I have ever felt this sad in my life . I had no idea what to do . I guess I just have to make the adjustment of having no dad . It was two years later , and we have had a few discussions about our life without dad . I know we will always be a family with a disposition of sadness . However , you always have to look on the bright side , thinking of sorrow as the exception . I mean , at least I 'm not making professions about how easy it is to live without a dad , or someone who has no idea how to live without a dad , and at least I still have my mom . But Dad always had a special place in my heart , and I will never forget him . Once there was a girl named Katie . She was tall , blonde , and had green eyes . Katie had been hearing lots of conversations about one of the old mansions on the tallest hill in her town being haunted . " I hear the old mansion is being haunted by a couple who died there mysteriously , " said one of the girls in one of the many groups at a gray lunch table in the cafeteria at school . After school , Katie went and got her friend , Amber , to talk to her about the mansion . Amber was a little shorter than Katie , and had brown hair and hazel eyes . She and Katie were both fourteen . " Amber , we need to talk about the mansion . We need to see if all the talk about it being haunted is true , " said Katie . Their discussion went on for hours , but in the end , Katie won the argument , and in conclusion , they decided to go to the mansion after school to see if the rumors was true . When they met up , they both had flashlights , and the sun was setting , making an extravagant sunset off in the distance . They tried to open the front door , but it was locked . " Got a suggestion on getting the door opened ? " asked Amber as she fiddled with the door . All of a sudden , Katie charged toward the door , knocking it off its hinges . It seemed forcing open doors could be a profession of hers . They turned on their flashlights and started to wander the large , dusty rooms looking for signs of ghosts . When Katie turned around , Amber was gone . Katie started searching everywhere for Amber , but she was nowhere to be found . Katie went into a living room to take a break , when all of a sudden the door slammed behind her . Creeeaaaak ! Creeeeeaaaak ! Creeeeaaaaaaaaaak ! There was a sound of footsteps coming down the hall towards the door . Not knowing what to do , Katie locked herself in the closet of the room and nestled the flashlight under her arm . She heard moaning from outside the door , and there was no exception to be made . It was positively true there was a ghost outside the door . Katie was in a terrified disposition , and she didn 't need permission to leave , so she got out of the closet and busted the door open . Then she bounded down the oak wood hall . As she ran , she knocked over a painting of a stone building , worn down from erosion and ran out the front door . Katie ran to Amber 's house , and there was Amber . She was in her room doing an essay the teacher had assigned about why she didn 't use quotation marks in her writing . Amber was acting like the whole operation hadn 't happened - like there was no ghost . " Where did you go and why did you leave ? " Katie questioned . Click . The screen went blank as Sally turned off the T . V . Sally wasn 't very happy . In just an hour , she was going to have an operation to have her tonsils taken out . Then all of a sudden , someone opened the door . In came Sally 's big sister , Joss . " Don 't worry , your doctor is very good at her profession , " said Joss . " Your doctor also has a nice disposition . I had a discussion with mom , and we came to the conclusion that even though your throat might hurt , you will feel better after you have your tonsils removed . " " What 's this ? " said Sally . Then Joss said , " It 's your homework . You have to put quotation marks where they belong in these stories . " " Well , last week I wrote my report on Recycling and Reusing - " I tried to ignore the fact that about five people groaned when I said this , and three of them were my friends : Jessica , Courtney and Sarah ! " Anyway , I have a suggestion . If we recycle our paper , plastic , and glass , they can be reused . So , I say if we could have students participate in this project , we can make the world a better place ! " I could tell nobody was interested , but I had an idea . " However , the student who recycles the most stuff will get a free ice cream trip during lunch , and the winning recycler can bring along two friends ! " My entire class was applauding . This was going to be a hit ! " I 'm sorry , Mandy , but the school can 't afford this . It 's been decided . Good - bye , " said Principal Richard . Ugh , all that hard work for nothing after we had that discussion . This was not fair . The rest of the day just went kind of slowly ; everywhere I went there were some kids complaining . I felt awful , and then it got worse . " Well , you probably just fainted from the heat ; I 'll get you some ice . You have some leg damage , too . Let 's hope you don 't need an operation , " she replied . About a week later , my room was piled high with bags of plastic , paper , and glass recyclables . I had come to this decision after my injury and my talk with the principal . I was collecting all of this stuff for the recycling center by my house , where if you turn in your recyclables , you get some money in return . I did this without permission , but it was worth it . I thought I had enough stuff for my satisfaction , but was that enough to save my school ? " Congratulations to Mandy Parks , who raised enough money for new textbooks , office supplies , and more . I have come to the conclusion that this school will not be closing anytime soon ! " said Principal Richard at the assembly . I was overjoyed by this . I had done it . I was so proud , and the expression on my face showed that as well . " Mandy will also go to ice cream tomorrow at lunch with two friends . This trip will be for these three only , with the exception of me , who will be chaperoning , with your parents ' permission of course . Mandy , you should be very proud . What will you do now ? " he inquired . One drop , two drops , three drops . " STOP ! " I screamed to my lab partner ! This was a very important science project . You had to make your own creation . I had asked permission to be with my best friend Stacy . Our lab teacher , Mr . Humblebee , did assign us to work together , but that was a mistake . I thought Stacy 's dream profession was to be a scientist , but unfortunately it was not . I was like a volcano ready to explode when she was about to put the wrong ingredient into the test tube . It was kind of hard to push Stacy away so I could do some of the experiment . I did try to give her a suggestion to take a break , but she pretended like she could not hear me . Finally , she moved aside and let me explore my science side . I felt like I was playing operation because you could get buzzed or move on to the next piece . Our discussion was vicious now depending on your choice . I could tell Stacy was mad at me . I did not care , though . Our chemicals were sliding into others until all of them were combined in the same test tube . We waited for something to happen , but surprisingly , nothing happened . I felt like I was in a horror movie , when an explosion of lightning is going to hit . Stacy said , " We 're all going to die . " I knew by her disposition she was probably lying , but how could I be sure . Mr . Humblebee repeated a famous quotation that morning before we began our experiment . He said , " Well , a scientist may explore anything . " Remembering this , I realized that we could do anything with our chemical reaction experiment and that there are often exceptions to scientific rules . With this in mind , I added one more drop to the project just as our teacher walked by to grade us . Suddenly , our experiment exploded . It was fantastic ! " A + , " Mr . Humblebee said as he watched , and that conclusion was my favorite of all ! April McDonald had been horseback riding for four years at Crystal Clear Farm . She was excellent and had worked up to her teacher Renee 's expectations . Somehow today , however , Renee 's melancholy expression gave her the impression of disappointment tomorrow . Before April went home she stopped at another horseback riding place to ride for an hour . Clearly this trainer had no appreciation for her skills . Finally , it was 6 : 30 p . m . and time to head home . As April walked out to the car , past the fences with corrosion on them , she thought about the day . She had taken two lessons and an educational quiz on jumping . She was tired and fed up with being yelled at . Before she shut her eyes , she organized everything for tomorrow . This came easily to her because she had excellent organizational skills . Then she drifted off to sleep . It was 6 : 00 a . m . , and April ran to the table . She ate breakfast in a hurry . There April blabbed out everything about the competition to her family and told them there were no omissions . All the great riders were going to be there . She was so excited ! Finally , it was time to go , and everyone got dressed and left . When they arrived at the competition , they looked for Renee and her pony , but she wasn 't there . Maybe she was late , thought April . I was so excited because today I was going to go and get ice cream ! I ran and leaped into the car . Then we drove off to the ice cream shop . We arrived at the ice cream shop and I ran inside . There were hills of ice cream as far as the eye could see . There were so many colors and toppings I didn 't know which to choose . I walked around trying to find the right ice cream to choose . Then , finally , I had made my decision . I chose rainbow sherbet . I asked my mom for permission to add toppings , and she said yes . I started the sundae - making operation by getting three scoops of ice cream . Then I added the deluxe choice of toffee and sprinkles for toppings . I took my ice cream to the counter to have it weighed . It weighed a total of one pound , three ounces . I took my spoon and dug into the dessert causing erosion in the center . It is hard to describe the amazing taste of my ice cream , but I will try . For my introduction , it tasted sweet and very enjoyable . The expression on my face was fixed on the goodness of the ice cream . I was seriously considering a profession as an ice cream store owner while I was eating my ice cream . There was a suggestion box in the store so I wrote down my suggestion that vanilla should be the number one ice cream flavor of the month . I finished my ice cream with great satisfaction . It was my conclusion that the ice cream was delicious , and I would consider going that ice cream shop again . Then I read a publication in the newspaper about the ice cream shop , and in the article , there were quotations from people who loved the ice cream . The article was about all the good ice cream flavors that the shop had . It also talked about the best ice cream flavor of the month , which was vanilla . The cashier of the ice cream shop had a calm disposition , even though the shop was very busy . I talked with the cashier for a while , and during our discussion , a little boy dropped his ice cream cone on the floor . The cashier did not usually give re - fills , but in this case she made an exception and gave the boy some more ice cream . The cashier was a little nervous about giving the free ice cream because she feared an act of oppression from her boss . I decided to get a pint of ice cream to go and left the ice cream shop in a great mood . One day when I was walking around the neighborhood with my friend , I suddenly stopped to a terrific sight . I saw a sign advertising a talent competition ! My friend and I ripped the paper off the pole and ran to show my mom . My mom agreed that I should enter . What was even cooler was that my mom was responsible for the organization of the event . I had a good expectation that I could win this contest . Finally , today was the day . I was going to make an excellent impression on the judges . When we arrived to the competition location , I observed amazing things . I saw people doing magic tricks , singing , dancing , and performing skits . At that moment , I knew that this would be tough . First up were some really peppy cheerleaders . For their act , they created a human pyramid . Soon there was a huge collision of cheerleaders crashing onto the ground . Next up was a little boy singing about education and school . The whole audience seemed to have very little appreciation for his act , with the exception of his mom . All of a sudden the lights shut off . The janitor of the building said , " The leaking rook has caused some corrosion leading to this brief power outage . Sorry . " There was a huge sigh of relief as the lights turned back on and the event began again . Now it was my turn to perform . I was dancing to a popular song . I finally finished my dance , and when I was done , I anxiously waited for the big announcement . My mom let me help judge . My opposition to the boy 's act surprised my mom . Now I had to go wait in the bleachers . When the announcement came my jaws dropped open wide and I was surprised . I had won ! It was a stormy day on Henry Way . My friends and I got permission to ride our bikes to Wiseman Park . As we arrived at the park , erosion of the hill was causing the hill to give out and a large pile of mud was forming . My friend , Tiffany , made a suggestion . She said , " We should all ride down the hill and jump our bikes off the pile of mud ! " I said , " NO WAY ! That is dangerous ! " But Tiffany 's disposition is not gentle . She is a tough girl who likes a challenge . So we pulled our bikes off the path and had a discussion . The rain was pouring down on us , and we needed to make a quick decision . With a few exceptions , we usually don 't fight about how we are going to do things , but this time I was not going to back down . I was not riding my bike down that hill ! Ashley , Brittany , and I decided to take the long bike ride around the park . Tiffany , on the other hand , decided to ride her bike down the steep hill . We were so nervous for her . As she took off , her expression was priceless . Her eyes grew large , and her scream was piercing , but she had done it ! The satisfaction that she felt was indescribable . We met Tiffany on the other side of the park . We gave her a huge hug , ran through large puddles , made mud pies , slid down the slide , and swung on the swings . This is the conclusion of a perfect rainy day spent with very special friends . |
It started two years ago . I was looking for a new job and on the recruiting agency was sent for an interview at a large company , which is engaged in trade in food across the country . At the interview , everything went smoothly , along with my professional qualities important in determining my candidacy had the opportunity to frequent long trips . For the salary that I was offered , I was ready to go for months , the benefit of the family is not burdened . The last phase of the interview conducted CEO of this company . It was a pretty , slender woman 40 - 45 years old , dressed in a strict business suit . In a casual conversation she was the same several times asked about the opportunity to go on trips and getting my unconditional consent congratulated me entering on duty . I was elated ! ! ! ! Still , in the 23 and soybean already such salaries , soc . package , medical insurance , a foreign car in the private polzovanie . . Ya worked for a month , got acquainted with the works and announced its readiness director , her name was Julia V . . And finally , at the next meeting of Yulia V . she told me that I was going on a trip to Novosibirsk in our regional predstavitelstvo . Otezd was appointed for tomorrow . Yulia V . told me that I would be called in front of the airport to her home and took the package to her friend , who was the director of filiala . Na next day at the appointed time , I came to see Yulia Vasilyevna home before the plane left for 4 hours . She met me in a robe , obviously after a shower . I was embarrassed , pretended that nothing much is happening , she invited me to come in and suddenly grabbed me by the power of the tie pulled down , I was forced to kneel . When my head was on her stomach level , it opened the robe and I saw her smooth pussy epelirovannuyu with strongly drawn labia , they probably hung a couple of centimeters , those two shriveled leathery marmeladinki . The figure of her , I must admit , it was good . Slender , devoid of vegetation , smooth legs , trim sport , not age a strong ass , a little sagging breasts third the size of a s80 My neighbor Andrew recently bought a dog . Since the entire floor I was reputed to be the most experienced dog breeder , he asked me many questions , which appeared to him after the acquisition of the animal . One day he invited me to walk the dog with him , and I agreed . It was about 12 at night . As we passed a dark alley , he told me : - Go there . I immediately knew where he was going , and so willingly followed him , anticipating the forbidden activities . We went into the alley deep . Then he stopped and put his hand under my skirt and began to massage my buttocks . My hand went to his crotch , unzipped it and felt quite big and already standing member . I took off her panties , he pulled the pants to his knees and swung put me in his long and very large diameter member . I moaned , and he introduced a member of the deeper and deeper , for the convenience of having set me on the edge of the box . Andrew abruptly moved her hips forward and with every movement the pain in me put up with delight . Finally , he introduced a member as deeply as I wanted - I could tell by the way he groaned - and began to drive his penis back and forth . At first he succeeded hard , but then on the walls of the vagina made grease , and became a member of go in and out like clockwork . I moaned even louder , and he unbuttoned my blouse and bra , began to suck and nibble on my nipples hardened with excitement . Andrew stuck his finger in my vagina and gentle touches began to caress my clitoris . I grabbed his head in his hands , pulling him to her , and , gasping with delight , screaming and moaning . Feeling that comes , Andrew grabbed my buttocks and I went in up to the scrotum . We came together , huddled , crying in ecstasy , and I scratched his back blood . - Wait , - he said to me , seeing that I am going to dress . Ponadezhnee sat me down , he again took my buttocks with his hands and tongue entered my vagina . Andrew licking my clit , then I began to bite him , and finally began to push through tongue deeper and deeper until I finished again . Then he apparently aroused agPlaying in the wedding When the uniformity of the flow of life becomes unbearably painful , we plunge into the world of hidden desires . These dreams are painted our poor life experiences . But few people are hesitant to make a reality of at least a fraction of their secret desires . And if you try to implement at least one such dream , the fantasy can become one of the brightest memories . I took a chance , and that 's what came out of it . To begin to tell a little history . My name is Igor me . I - pretty slim bisexual guy 22 years old . I could not boast of a rich sexual experience with a man because of the fact that I have had only one partner . It happened a few years ago . Once I was at a birthday party for his friend the institute . It was an ordinary birthday - boys , girls , lots of drinking , lots of music , dancing . Among the guests was the elder brother Andrew birthday - twenty - seven high bit swarthy young man . By the way I want to say that I was already had fame faculty Lovelace , but sometimes come to mind thought to be with the girl and make men 's affection . In the evening , or even a night when it was time to break up , it became clear that we needed with Andrew to return home in the same direction . We went out of the door and walked past the night side of the square in the great outdoors , where you can catch a taxi . Alcohol drunk in large quantities , has done his job , and we are buying in a nearby tent for a couple of cans of beer , sat on a bench that , as it happens , talk and his views on some topics . Gradually , we moved on to the discussion of same - sex sexual relations . He said he does not see anything wrong with that beauty is not male or female - she is still beautiful , and I said that it would be interesting to feel what women feel , to get into their skin . I did not even notice that his hand was on my leg . Then again the first time I made him a blowjob . I was surprised that it did not cause me disgust , but rather gave a great excitement . I sat on a bench and sucked his dick , and he caressed my hand . Then we have occasionally , not more Olga and dad on the toilet Familiar heat rumblings for Oli body , from the chest , and further to the tips of the fingers to the young , gladkovybritomu vagina and down , knocking the floor under nog . Podobnoe feeling she felt every day - usually in the school when at recess or after school it satisfies their teachers and odnoklassnikov . Ey not need good grades , she could get their brains and do not necessarily pizdoy . No she liked to be the universal whore , dirty bitch , a female that had everything : the director , the teacher and the teacher , and even snotty starsheklasnikov treteklashki . her charming well - developed form for fourteen years allowed her to hook up any man , and even some women , both inside and outside shkoly . Ey like to fuck in obschesvennyh mestah . Ne quite openly , but so what would have been a delightful , incredibly budorozhuschee , exciting and the exciting feeling that it can catch with the male member is immersed in one of her holes . She especially loved to stay after school to the sixth lesson and climb under the desk to the teacher of biology , but for that to suck and wank his cock until he led the class , sometimes causing it to stop three or four times . But that presented itself to her eyes caused a totally new , strange and at the same time a hundred times more budorazhuschee feeling . While my mother was sleeping peacefully in bed , her father was sitting on the toilet and rolling his eyes jerked to the magazine multicolored dotted with colorful pictures of women covered by the male seed as well as the vagina and anus taking large members belonging to different nationalities and races . By the way , about my father 's chlena . Olga immediately fell in love with him . Not very long , but thick as a broom , with a huge head making it such a huge mushroom . A few seconds Olya was confused , not knowing what to do , while the excitement continued to embrace her in waves , storms soon turn into a tsunami and a puddle under her feet ( with tursikov already dripping ) . The solution came by itself , along with hands tightening panties and two fingers The case in the village Our Artillery Company went into the forest to dig trenches . Each identified area , and we started to work . I Vitya decided prinebrech this dull affair , and go to the village next door . Before the village , we walked ten minutes , there just walking the wedding and we decided to join the celebration . As it is in the evening all the drunk and the bride razvezlo so that it fell under the table and was podomnoyu . Seizing the moment , I decided to check out this girl for strength . Slowly come down to her under the table , I turned her on her back and decided to check if she is fast asleep . For this , I pinched her nipple , but there was no response . Then my hand grew bolder and began to slow down in her tender tummy to the perineum . And what is most striking - this doll absolutely no panties ! White dress , and under it - nothing ! Actually there was something on that is not ambiguous pointed neatly trimmed pubis . After a few minutes I was deep into her pussy , even able to find the hymen . I was particularly struck by her clitoris , it was very big and looked like a cock , I began to twirl his fingers in rather it bothered me , and taking out his fledgling fighter of his pants began to tear up the bride . It was hard to push his horse in her narrow slit , then I decided to lubricate her pussy . For this , I crawled out from under the table and picked up a jar of lard . Properly missed , sex lips and the vagina of the bride , I tried again . Everything went just fine , the guests did not even notice a strange swaying table . I took the bitch angry and did not even notice as she began to recover . We see it confused me with her fiance , because humming something under her breath , she began to move me to a meeting . I quickly finished , but my excitement is lost , putting her cancer and her anus greased lard I introduced her dick in the ass , and helped himself with one hand to move , holding the table leg , and the other was trying to reach her breasts . Sensing the approach of orgasm , I decided to finish it in her mouth . Very thrusting member of assesMaiden Stoked bad , and in the room where the Christmas tree was installed , was cold . Dopervogo presentation was only a few minutes , and we were sitting in the Snow Maiden allocated us a room , someone 's working office , wrapped it - in its natural bright coat , I - in a sheepskin coat . There was nothing about anything , because we have worked with her for the first time , so silent . Judging by the fact that from time to time , she began to once again view the script , it seems a little nervous , and this her little pretty face became even paler . She lectured me in the good offices of the Bureau the previous day , when I found out that Valya , my long - term partner in the New Year 's children 's balls , zagrippovala and will not work with me . Hovuyu called Anya . - God , you do not want to take a fur coat ! - She exclaimed , throwing his shoulders sparkling fur . - Br - r , holodina . For his work in such conditions you have to pay twice - for the harm . In her white dress , low and thin , with a lovely curled ringlets of golden hair , she seemed a little girl , and only raised slides her breasts were told that this is not true . I looked after her and could not help admiring her , okay , easy figure with slender legs of a ballerina and a small relief popochkoy , tightened in spotless white stockings and well monitored by modern dress fairytale heroine . I was so drawn to break up and pat white halves receding partner . Before my release was still quite a lot of time , and I decided to use it efficiently . It is , as always , was lying on her left breast , a small flat flask with selective Armenian cognac . I unscrewed the cap and , blissfully closing his eyes , took a few sips of odorous liquid . After returning the vessel in place , I felt like my body is bottled exciting heat . Now the cold was not afraid of me . In the Snow Maiden , Anya was very directness : she danced , jumped with children , drove a round dance , and her blue eyes sparkled with genuine joy and gladness . I , as befits a real Santa Claus , led his party gradually and it is important , at times feeling restless behaves something that was hidden under my floors cotton apparel and more intimate part of my wardrobe . At first I could not understand what makes my libido behave this way , and then finally it dawned on me : in Anya excited inconsistency of her behavior , even histrionic , and emanating from her sexuality . This to me a few years of my work for the first time Santa Claus happened . In short , by the end of the first performance I was so fascinated and excited by it that he made a firm decision to get her location , then we sat back in our " restroom " And I have seen how gradually it freezes again . - After all - a holiday . To my surprise and much to the delight , she immediately agreed and even , as it seemed to me , was delighted . I poured her a glass and she drank fifty grams , not even wincing . Biting chocolate . Drunk it once , and then asked for a cigarette . The girl - woman with a cigarette between two thin pale fingers , hip elegant elongated , curled over another . Slightly cloudy alcohol blue eyes , the mysterious smile on her painted lips beautiful - a great challenge my sensual nature to desire was difficult . I moved toward her with a chair and at that moment , when it released a stream of tobacco dymi , clung to her red petals of her lips . They had thoughtlessly depraved taste , a mixture of cognac with tobacco , but it is not only repulsive , but even more stimulated my desire for her . She responded to my kiss passionately and not cold , and poor movement of the lips . Not resisting it allowed me to hug her slender body with tangible hills chest and pushed between her lips tongue . We froze , as if getting used to each other , and I heard , as it puts on the edge of the table a cigarette , and then felt the touch of her hands to her back . Anya stirred in my embrace and , pushing out of his mouth , my tongue gave me in my mouth . My hands slid down to her waist and lifted the girl from her chair . Now we were merged bodies , our hands , wandering on the back , sank lower and lower until it reached the boundaries beyond which the intimate parts of our bodies , I 'm still undecided wondered if I disturb her , but Anna 's hand already fingered my uptight member , made their way to him through the slit between the sexes of my " caftan " . Ass at the Snow Maiden was tverdenkaya like a nut , and as befits a granddaughter of Santa Claus , as cold as piece of ice . I cupped her big hands warm their shells and become sensitive to knead with your fingers . In turn , Anya , is not satisfied with the defective contact of his fingers with my penis through , cotton panties , she dived into them , and they began to do the same thing as I , with its halves - compress it . My hands began to move only on the areas of the buttocks in the direction Anechkinogo Chuck , and she was moaning in my neck : Member barely entered her narrow vagina , which in this position has not been so easy to push . Anya stood with bowed head on the glossy surface of the polished table , and as the shaft of my penis went into it more deeply , her cute round ass with a birthmark on the right buttocks rose higher and higher . The second half of the member sinking into the vagina once as hiding under water diver , and he was just so hot , wet and happy that I was breathless . Ha my every impetus Maiden answered me staccato moans " a . and . . . and . . . " and sliding his blond head on the polishing table . At the moment when I began to let in it his white hot grease , it is imprinted in my groin popochkoy his toy , and her short moans merged into a long continuous " aaaaaa " , During the second presentation Anya was even greater impact and more inflamed me , as looking at her feet , I still could not believe that he had been among them his still require a member of the entertainment . Reaching into his pocket , I quietly put him in such a way that it can be was touched with his hand in his pocket , and when one of the children read a poem , said loudly : - For the boy a prize in my right pocket , Take , Snow Maiden . Anya reached into his pocket , and his fingers stumbled on a tight tube of my penis , for a moment with the force squeezed it . From the fact that it happened in front of dozens of pairs of eyes , I almost finished in the same second , but still managed to keep the approaches to the last valve sperm . During the intermission we drank again and fifty grams of the flask , which I replenished from the bottle , which stood in my " diplomat " When , after the first round of our love Anya went to the gym . In this time I have not undressed , . . . as it sucked for me , sitting on a chair , and I stood in front of her , writhing in sensual agony that made me clench in anticipation of the approaching orgasm , the muscles of the buttocks and rising on tiptoes . In her small her mouth it was also crowded and hot , as in her pussy , but in him she could not accept , and half the length of my swollen member , so focused all his art on the head . I could only wonder where and when it is so well trained it , and , finding no answer to this question , I decided that , most likely , in the pioneer camp . On the other hypotheses , I think just do not have time , because the tip of the tongue rhythmically Anya " zabrenchal " Stretched on the bridle of my prick , and short portions I began to pour out of himself sperm in her throat , Anya did not sh - Haley still , get a cocktail , huh ? The third presentation was the last in that day , and when it was over , we left Anya at the request of the audience . Gradually , it was empty , and she came to the door , turned off the light . Wisps of fun running around garlands of light bulbs , and Anya eagerly rake up their flashing light so liked her a toy of my heats . He coped with this task is the business free from pantyhose , and I saw the leaping flames illuminated her bare tummy with their multi - colored reflections , I picked it up as a feather , and she tenaciously gripped my waist with their feet . At this time my cock went under the darkening bush of pubic hair without any problems , and it is supported by the buttocks I began to swing it like a large animated pendulum . For the first time in my life I f . . . I under the tree for the first time my partner was the Snow Maiden . We slowly walked through the well - lit park with centuries - old oaks and tall pyramidal spruce branches and legs were decorated with magnificent snow - capped . It seemed that my release from fleshly concerns body hovered in the air , along with millions of snowflakes gently fall from the infinite purity of the sky . Ha taxi was silent still Anya raised her pure innocent eyes and softly dropped on me : - Tomorrow we also have three views . Instantly all rose up in me , I reached out to her face with his lips , but she turned to the side of the road , and I could only notice how her lips touched a faint smile . A minute later , coming up the taxi drove away my Snow White in a snowy night . 100 This story proizola with me for a long time . I do not remember exactly when , somewhere in the class 9 or 10 . . . now I 'm almost an old man , and it seems to me that it was as if in a dream . . . not even once be believed . . . I think that my grandchildren are unlikely udostoyatsya such " honor " What at one time I was awarded . So , I was 15 - 16 years old , I studied well , causing his classmates genuine delight . I was smart , it was known to all . I was asked to write an essay or make a quiz in algebra . Sometimes I drew different drawings on request . . . from their classmates . Of course , I did not do it selflessly , and took a purely nominal fee . My parents were not rich , but because I did not eat in the dining room . However , after the profitable sale of control and / or compositions , I could afford to go along with all of the dining room . Gradually I began to pour into the company , the so - called " the most advanced representatives " our class . This company contained the most beautiful of all devchenok not only our class , but also the school . The girls began to get used to me , joking me . Every kid at that time was a girl . . . I was not . . . I was a virgin , and I really wanted to try yourself in love affairs . Our girls , I tell you , were very attractive . . . wore short skirts , so that was very well see their slender and young legs . When one of them sat down at the desk , throws a leg over the other , then all of our class kid really wanted to touch the tempting thighs . . . and sometimes wanted to push them wider and paste between your Maltz . Everyone wanted this . . . trust me . I also liked her hands are manicured fingers . . . I knew it was muzykankoy , and all the musicians - pianists hands gentle and well - groomed . What she still beautiful . But she was alone , and we are many . Because the rest of the boys began to " care " for other devchenki less tempting , but no less beautiful . They just do not have the habit of wearing such a short skirt . Yes , they were with short , but still decent . However , all the legs have been very welcome . Xenia ( the nameElla Usually silent , this time , Ella did not hide emotions . Her moans and sobs only fueled it . Tearing wet - blesyaschy covered it with grease member , he abruptly opened it and sat on the couch , immersing dick in her mouth . Then again he put her on his knees , throwing over the arm of the sofa , so that her round ass ridden and torn opened , oozing chink between two red , swollen lips and a little touching - bezaschitnoe hole anus . There he directed his enormously busy , hard cock . Overcoming the resistance of a small muscular ring , he rushed inside , feeling a rapist and a conqueror . - You have me there first . . . Do not laugh , I 'm serious . Husband tried twice , but I did not succumb - it is very painful at first , but then . . . Then a very personal . . With him I would not have been able to - Sometimes it is rude . . Well , you know . . . And ! this case , I was very afraid that I can not stop it . . . Do you have a cigarette ? When she was gone , he had found on the kitchen table two squadron paper . Two hundred dollarov . Ih leaving left Ella . He knew why - after returning home from a two - day trip he will have something to report back to his wife . And perhaps , remain a little more money , which would purchase the products in the refrigerator - this coming on their " the safe " apartment , Ella loved to eat . She loved food , he loved sex and get pleasure from life and probably in the soul loved him - and as one of the components of this life , from which she received so much joy . . . 100 With twenty - five meter height " Ferris Wheels " Park viewed particularly well . And not only the park . The entire old city was in full view . Dmitriev carefully examined entrusted to him the economy . . . no joke , over thirty acres of the old pine forest . In the spring and especially in autumn when all littered with dry leaves or poplar fluff , just watch - lovers to throw a match , and then watch as the fire runs fast on the track , enough . That 's three times today already had to send guys with shovels and rakes to put out unwanted fires . The day was just beginning , and promised to be dry and hot . Casually tossed a look at the next turned his attention to the house manager . In one of the windows wide open , he saw the girl 's figure . Slim silhouette in a lightweight robe . Girl standing on the window sill , raised his hands and , apparently , something straightening almost at ceiling height . Maybe she filmed the curtains , or , conversely , was prepared to hang them . A light breeze was blowing floors robe and fine Dmitriev saw shapely young legs , but at some point , when the wind blew a little harder , opened rounded hips , which were white small , almost from the ribbon sewn panties . She did not particularly paying attention to its openness , and he did not draw the eye , but on the contrary , is conveniently located in the cabin , turning it so that the window with captivating stranger was in sight as long as possible . From the depths of the room to the girl he approached the guy . its sporty naked torso was visible , strong shoulders and red , a fiery curls on a big head . He probably said something , she can be responsible - the sounds did not reach to the park , drowned cars , trams , the usual urban noise . Dmitriev saw a man 's hands cupped around her ankles , then slowly climbed up to the waist , boy pressed his face against a white strip of panties , the girl has not struggled , on the contrary , dropped his hands on his red head and stood motionless on the windowsill . The wheel has completed its turnover , and the cabinet fell lower and lower , after a moment the trees closed the window , and took a cigarette Dmitriev . He had to jump off the ride and go to the office , where already waiting for the case , but he stayed , determined to rise again . Nodding attraktsionschiku , director of business - glanced standing next to the carousel , noting that time would have to repaint boats , make them brighter , and deteriorate the chain . But these thoughts were familiar and everyday , he did not dwell on them , impatiently waiting for the wheel again raise him , and the girl will appear in the open window . This time he is not wandering around in the pines , was not looking for smoke and fire , focusing in the same direction . It seemed that the wheel never revolved so slow as it is now . Trees all did not want to go down , obscuring the house and the open window on the top floor . Finally , Dmitriev found himself at the correct height . However , the window sill was empty . Most likely , she went downstairs to the room in the arms of his red - haired friend . It 's disappointing . He even felt a slight pang of jealousy , remembering how the red - haired pressed to her face girlish body . Although , as it was before they could be wrong ? Eugene Savelyevich this winter turned forty . Age sort of like not critical , to retirement yet oh - oh - oh how much , but did you go in the morning began to come to the head sad thoughts . In addition , the reason for them was enough . Somehow everything in life has not taken place , did not happen . He did not become a tough businessman , an entrepreneur or a business , not to save money and in family matters is not that God knows . . . However , for ten years Dmitriev runs a small park in the center of town working , but is it a career ? No , he thought again , you have to change something . Maybe drop everything and start over ? Find here such a young and slender , standing at the open window in an unbuttoned robe , and he would look at her and admired . Lyrical thoughts were interrupted by the sudden and wildThe girl , whom he had just admired , hung in the air , clutching the hands of the sill . She tried to get up , get into the open window , struggling to her feet , but her strength is clearly not enough . - And where is her boyfriend ? Ryzhyi - where ? - Dmitriev cried as if someone could hear it here on earth . Indeed , the red to be seen . He was not put out the window , bowed his strong palms of her hands , trying not to drag her into the room . - Yes , what is it ? ! - Shouted Dmitriev , already beside himself , twitching in the booth , and not having the slightest idea what to do . We ought to call , to call someone . . . rescue workers , firefighters , police , " whip " . . . But how can call if the next machine in the office , on his desk , three hundred meters from the carousel , and a mobile phone , and never did . The house began to open windows , balconies , neighbors leaned out of the head , more and more women in the wound on curlers hair wet so children with bulging eyes in horror and curiosity . Another attempt to get up . She apparently collected all the forces in the gust , she puts her feet in some subtle eye projections on the wall and hung again . Then , apparently , rested a moment , she slowly , millimeter by millimeter , is not known for what there clinging fingers , began to rise . It lasted forever , forever . Every millimeter , reclaimed her against the wall , it seemed to take about an hour . Although some there ! All lasted for a second , because a maximum of five minutes the wheel again Dmitrieva lowered to the ground . This time he did not say inspector , not even nod . He probably never thought that it would be necessary to go out , run to the phone . . . . . . When due to the treetops again became visible the open window , he again cried out in amazement - near the sill , his hands folded on his chest , straightened to his full growth of the mighty , playing muscles , was red . He did not say anything , because his lips did not move and did not open his mouth . Dmitriev clearly and distinctly seen - haughty eyes , clenched his lips in a smile , lie on breast strong hands . It does not disappear , all the time was here , close by , but at the same time made no attempt to help . Eugene looked down and sighed with relief . . . she has a greater part of the body lying on the windowsill . Apparently , the worst was behind us . He did not examine to the end , he took a cigarette , turned toward the cabin , lit a cigarette . " Wow , is this . And how is that ? What have they been ? Coincidence ? But why , then , the guy did not do anything ? Country thy works , O Lord . . . " He took the whole day and , unable to free themselves from what they saw . And in the evening , I went to the house of a friend . He did not know what it is doing what he needs in that house that says , if you see a Woman or red . But he approached , stopped , raised his head and trying to look through the eyes of the right window . This turned out to make a very simple - and so the window is left open . Now it was drawn by a curtain - a light , almost an air a piece of white cloth . Dmitriev figured that the box near the center of the house , apparently , entrance should be somewhere in the middle . He walked around the house from the yard . That 's right , the house consisted of three entrances and a central access to the yard an attached large vestibule , . . . whether the pantry , or garage for bicycles or mopeds . He entered . entrance staircase was clean , wet after the recent cleaning steps . He rose from floor to floor , not knowing what to do , when to stop in front of the door . I climbed to the top of the stairs . Well , here 's the door . Most likely this . Painted dark brown paint , with ordinary , standard English castle and a black metal handle . Dmitriev stopped . " So , what is next ? What ? " - He asked himself , but never found an answer . After standing for a moment , I pressed the call button . However , I did not hear anything . Pressed again , then again - silence . He knocked . First softly , then louder , louder . No one opened , not shuffling steps , he was not heard anyone 's voice . " Well ? Knock ? Or is it better to leave ? " . But he did not answer the questions posed to himself . With clanking chains opened next door , and she stuck out her old face . - The girl ? - Repeated the old woman . - Today ? No . No one was there . And the key for me . The apartment is sold . . . He did not know what to say . In fact , it is not clear exactly what he wants . . . But the old woman is not very much and waiting for an answer . Apparently , it intrigued to Eugene on the open window and she was in a hurry to make sure that there , behind the door , all right . . . The castle is not very easy to give in , the old woman for a long time groaned , he pulled the handle , clinging to her his thin shoulders , took out the key and insert it again , and Eugene all stood there and could not imagine what is happening to him . As if by some strange whim of the time he returned to some of the long - lived their moments . It is moments such short that do not have time or feel , or understand where that was all . And as it was . And then what happened . But it was . I do not dream , nor imagined in dreams or fantasies , but existed in reality , only a very distant , forgotten . That 's just an old woman standing by the closed door , whispering prayers whether it , or a curse can not cope with constipation , and he watched it , not helping and not hindering . Finally , the door gave way . From the darkened hallway smelled dusty stale air in the twilight rooms differed some chairs , a bulky cabinet with dark glasses , ladder . The apartment was empty , quiet and calm . The windows in the room and the kitchen fixed tightly drawn heavy curtains , floor and furniture even layer of grayish dust . . . - You say , Eugene began - that the apartment is sold , and . . . - and he did not finish his thought . There , in a corner , on a chair , pull over to a massive closet , lightweight women 's panties were white . Exactly what he saw on his stranger . Another redhead pressed to face them , and then they stood out on her body when she was crawling up the wall . - Well , the owners . I do not decide . Well . so long as you look . And I 'm going for the phone . The old woman went out , leaving some of his time . And it was in this apartment , empty , unfamiliar , and understand that this is not so , not here , and not the curtains , dust and could not be , but these panties . . . The street is still in full sun was shining . And the park was green , and his wheel , that 's it , just opposite . He even thought that there , in the cabin there is someone , and this someone looking at him right now . Eugene shook his head , driving vision . It 's just a seat , high backrest which resembles a dark man . He had calmed down and fully braced himself when the old woman brought a piece of paper with five numbers scribbled on it . - Here , call themselves . Only in the evening , during the day they do not happen . And now , excuse me , once my grandson to come home from school , to feed . He no longer looked at the window . Even I walked around the house and yard not the street , looking only at his feet . In the bus , his face pressed against the glass , he looked at the houses , shops , passers - by can not concentrate on anything look . So what is it happened to him ? Everyone has seen so clearly , so clearly , and the window and the curtain , and the guy . . . However , it is very strange for a long time , it hung on the wall , and rose slowly , as in the film , with sustained effect in any movie - thriller . But the neighbors opened the window and leaned out , and looked , and something completely inaudible he shouted . And now , in the evening , an open window , which was closed . Even the curtains were actually other , dense and heavy , but not white , almost weightless . But what about those panties ? Dmitriev reached into his pocket and turned cold . " O Lord ! What am I doing ? What for ? Why I 'm taking it home ? What I do get that ? As I explained , when Katyusha see ? " . They lived with his wife for nearly twenty years . Not to say that the marriage was perfect . He often thought about how to be alone , to come to an empty apartment , no one is waiting for the evening , and that he , too , no one expected . And if you would be very sad , get a dog . But all these thoughts were empty , pointless . They were not followed by real actions . All remained unchanged and constant . Even light novelettes ( and there was something in all that time , two or three , and all the so - so , almost nezapomnivshiesya , gray and boring ) did not change anything , and could not change . Today , however , these panties in his pocket , even it is not clear whose , and it is unclear why they made excited immeasurably more than all the real and unreal communication . Eugene had already decided that throws a rag in the garbage disposal , when it will be up the stairs , but do it not - Katyusha met him at the bus stop , with a heavy bag in his hand , and was very happy , has become something to talk , vague and does it uninteresting and he took her bag and went peacefully side by side . He stopped at a tobacco kiosk to buy cigarettes and linger , even for a moment , but his wife grabbed his arm and pulled him toward the house . - I bought your Sovereign . Here ! - She took the blue tutu and deftly slipped into the pocket of his coat . Just there . - What is it ? Scarf ? In her hand were panties . . . . The wife considered them very carefully , and then gently rolled into a tiny little ball and dropped in the same pocket . Not a word was said . . . . Eugene Savelievich morning woke up early . In the empty apartment was quiet . He still lay with his eyes closed , then stood still . Head clutched a heavy cast iron hoop . And where there was supposed to be the heart , something pressed and pressed . " Well , what you 've achieved their silence ? His boundless stupidity ? " And the answer ? Needless to say . The floor beneath her bare feet was suddenly cold . Just ice . Somewhere touches slippers . . . And maybe he did not wear them yesterday . . . He do not remember . . . And the door is far . . . And , perhaps , all that would be great , without these batches , without hanging over a bottomless fine figure . And Katyusha prepared yesterday to his salad , he would have flew out for a beer , and they would sit in the evening by an open window , and the two smoked almost anything and did not speak , and it would be so easy . . . And in the morning , as usual , she would have thrown from under the blanket out and not waking up , have waved to him in response to his " I 'm leaving ! " . He went to the bathroom , opened the door , for some reason , not turning on the light . And he arose . Directly in front of him in the mirror , her face was . That is how he saw it there , in the window , with a smile , with a huge , in polscheki blush , slightly snub nose , and even white with a barely noticeable cleavage tooth could be seen because of the slightly parted lips . And it was the same person . He did not even think that way to remember him . So many years have passed . Almost thirty . And they know , they were not at all . So , sometimes seen , but no , he could see her sometimes , running along the beach , or sunbathe on the huge red towel or bathing in the dark and somehow very terrible sea . And her name was funny - Esther . He did not think that such names are . Or even if there are , it is only in the books . And now here she was , a long , flexible , and a tiny swimsuit , and it it is so closely . . . - Invented ? What ? I 've been waiting for this all my life waiting . - What are you waiting for ? What ? - I do not know . I know nothing . He said nothing and hung up . Esther . . . She leans her head back and her hair so funny quivering on his forehead , rings . . . Black hair , hair resin under an unusually bright sun . He did not know until then that generally there are such black hair . He returned to the bathroom , and all are not including light , took off and climbed into the melting lukewarm , as always , the water . The water was greenish color of the bath itself . He specifically picked this color to the sea resembled each bathing . Kate was still laughing . . . " Well , and to the south do not have to go ! " . In general , they liked to splash in the warm water together , intertwining bodies , spraying each other with folded hands , soaping and washing soap for ten times , forgetting the kisses , arousing and bringing themselves to ecstasy caresses . Perhaps it is with this bathroom were associated with the most vivid sensations . He now recalled , he felt a rush of blood , his hands fell to the feet , and he began to touch the hair , where did Katya , before you go below and , glaring into his face with a kiss , to collect palm and cock and scrotum with small and became suddenly hard eggs , and then the second hand to clasp his ass , stroking his finger , and even a little deeper into it a little bit , just a little , but it made him tremble all over , and he barely restrained so as not to fall on a small body of his wife with all the passion . But it would be premature , because her lips began to travel down his body , sinking lower and lower , and he rolled over on his stomach , slightly arching to Katya could duck under it and her legs appeared at his face and he forgot about everything find themselves at the mercy of its odor , tenderness of her skin , her jerks and sighs , he plunged his lips and tongue into the depths of her body and he felt her little tongue circled around tensed member and a hand all continued to travel on the behind and delve into it , millimeter by millimeter , burning fire . It seemed that this could go on forever , or rather no , not so . Just time stops . Forever . But Kate did not like that all came to an end at this point . No smell of his sperm or her tastes she did not like and he was forced to extend the meal as long as possible , trying to bring her to ecstasy and remain not exhausted . And when tolerate O Lord ! It is only now suddenly clearly understood - all that he forced Kate to do what it taught and what insisted it was only a repetition of old seemed forever forgotten the day . . . He then ran out of the house early in the morning , it was still not too hot , the breeze was blowing , so barely perceptible . He was wearing shorts , they are almost green and burnt and torn shirt on his chest . He ran to the sea , intending only to plunge , to observe jellyfish , maybe catch one , or does not catch , as well , just to see . And then to lie down on a large , hot boulder , dry off and go to breakfast . This morning journey was a common , everyday for him . Only this time he was the one enjoying the sea and the sun completely and unreservedly . Looking back and making sure that no one sees , he took off his clothes and lobbing legs , ran into the water , trying as quickly as possible to get where deep , where only the head remains above water . He was not a nudist and did not wanted to be seen naked . And bathed in this form in the morning only to boast of his house then desperate courage - as , by the sea , in the south , and without trunks . . . Although , I must admit , he liked it . . . He dived this morning for a long time and somehow had forgotten about myself and about the clothes , and the breakfast . It was just great . And the sun and the sea and the breeze . . . And when was about to leave , suddenly found on the shore , his boulder , two . And there , close , clothing . " Damn it " - Zhenya was thinking , when the situation is more complicated - they are , these two men have done something well , that he does not see the need to . He froze , eyes wide , and could not even move . Then , a little come to himself , Eugene decided to swim closer . What is there to do ? he could not get away - no clothes , hide somewhere and wait out , perhaps it would be better , but it was not the strength . Zhenya dived and swam silently under the water towards the shore . He crept close , almost crawling along the bottom , when decided to raise its head - to look and take a breath . And I choked seen . They caressed each other 's lips and hands , stretched out on a boulder , and its black . . . ( which he soon learned it was her black hair ) scattered on his powerful tanned ass . This Eugene yet seen . Actually , it is so little that he had seen more on the muddy , almost indistinguishable pictures , but here - in the light of the day . . . Probably too noisy Zhenya sighed , she suddenly looked up and he saw her eyes . Black , deep , wet , filled with some special brilliance in them there was no confusion , no wonder . She stared at the frozen boy as if his appearance was taken for granted , and in all that was going on in the sea , there was nothing strange about it . - Well , - said Esther - that stand ? Come here . Go - Go . Do not be afraid , stupid . . . - And he laughed , softly , very softly . Zhenya did not know what to do . No go , no , he could not stand . And Esther lowered her head , and now he saw that she was doing with a huge member lying on her guy , clutching his head to the curly hair between her legs . Probably we would have run away , but Eugene went ahead . Water has long been barely got out his knees , but he forgot about his nakedness . Like a magnet attracted him her hair , and lips , and hands . . . He came . - And you lean - broke away from the guy some particularly low voice said Esther . - Do not be afraid . Her head lay between Man and to bend her legs , he would have to lie on it . However , this is what she sought , beckoning to her and licking her wet lips red tongue . He knelt down , spread her legs Esther guy and Eugene was caught between them . He did not understand how she attracted him to her as what she was doing with her mouth , tongue , hands , and then it turned out that he was lying on a guy , she caresses no longer his , and his friend that his own cock enters the something elastic and resilient it is moving to meet him , and there is no way to break away from him . Eugene and was kneeling on sharp gravel and moved in rhythm specified by the guy , knocking knees in blood . But he did not notice this , yet succumbed to an unknown force . . . And suddenly it was all over . The end was a bright and strong . It seemed that he poured a fountain of all the accumulated power . That he did not achieve the brightness never before , when everyone was doing only their own hands . But it turned out that it was not yet final . As soon as he realized what he had just done precisely no - Now I . - What ? - Reiterated Eugene . - I do not want - tried to argue Eugene , but he was not listened to . Strong hands clasped across the abdomen and pulled to a hot body . Then he bent down to the ground and he felt something wet and hard pressed against his backside . He tried to escape and failed . Then it hurt , but he made no attempt to escape . The guy went into it as deeply as this would smooth movements and began to shake in time with the rhythm of their own . And Esther stood and watched , and this her eyes suddenly became especially painful and embarrassing . Eugene closed his eyes and waited patiently for the final . Then he took the clothes , pulled on shorts and went to the shore . Everything that happened to him was so awful that Zhenya locked himself in his tiny little room and did not even go to lunch . Parents is not puzzled - child outbid , overheated in the sun . . . They went on some sort of regular excursion quiet and satisfied with their vacation . . . . When it got dark , and in the south it gets dark unusually quickly and everything immediately becomes impenetrable black , Eugene out of the room through the window , silently , hunched , almost sprawled on the ground , made his way through the tiny garden outside and all also without a break , go quietly and smoothly , moved away from the home . He knew where Esther lived a long time , five days . For her dog the same day , the first time I saw it and was struck by the unusual brightness and some inner fire comes from her body . She was lying on shaggy red towel in a bright blue swimsuit like a rubber band around her hips , chest , thin line sprawling on his stomach . And she looked at him . Perhaps this view and stopped , and scared . Eugene then turned and ran to the beach . But it is not gone completely . He sat , hiding behind a bush with large , white , fragrant flowers terribly , until the evening , and waited until she goes home and went after her , came to the house and now he knew where she lived . Moreover , he knew when she goes to bed , he knew that the window never closes for the night , in a word , everything was quite ready for what he 's up to . . . When the whole village in the morning talking about the great fire , which burned alive by spa , man and woman , no one , of course , it never occurred to ask who could contribute to the fire . It goes without saying that young people lay down in bed with cigarettes , and here is the result . And Zhenya ran in the morning on a beach all day and stayed there . . . Actually , it is then almost never remembered this story . That 's just the sea did not go for many years until recently as three years ago , Kate almost forcibly dragged him to the village of Dagomys near Sochi , pay off tickets with accommodation in the private sector . And Esther 's face did not bother him until today . To be continued - When I held you today , I found that the panties pulled inside out . Well at least not for all undressed . You , by the way , fed me and fuck twice ? - Tomorrow will explain in person . You know what the apathy ? They say - it 's attitude to sex in the first five minutes after sex . Breshut ? - So far , the hare . I 'll go too . Mail check tomorrow - to hell with it . You 're on the belly or the pope lying ? He clicked on the gray button on which was displayed a white " on / off " . Stretched out on polkuhni , he yawned , and padded to the bed . For a moment , I wanted to turn on the computer - suddenly something important e - mail it ? No , bounce , all tomorrow . Wait . Photo : a lot of them , swim , float by . Somewhere click magnet is pressed film flash reflections . Yellow , magenta , blue , click , yellow , magenta , blue , click , click , yellow and purple - blue : On all shots - the same thing . Porn . Homemade orgy bdsm , women are some of the skin , dirty men , naked body parts . Group sex , fetishism , zoophilia . All photos porn : Pillow creased and pressed against the headboard . Damir shook his head and pulled off his soaked shirt . Damn , the dream ! That 's what it means to work hard for a pittance operator in photoshop . - Well , thought to himself , what will I do there ? - Excuses it . - You 're there on his literary nonsense again begin to fray and get drunk as a lord . Drunk it ? They went into the station building . He 's the best we have in Russia is considered a station . Vbuhali half of the city budget for the construction . Beauty . But kvarplatu rose , rose and travel in public transport - so that people are not relaxed . The car stopped with a creak . In the coupe the money they did not have , had dragged in the stifling reserved seat . Nearby were wizened grandpa and middle - aged woman , apparently vendor . - Here one upper , one lower you - just rattled it . - And I can not sleep upstairs - has fallen as a child and I can not anymore . A grandfather of a climb out and snoring there currently . When we woke up , immediately went into the lobby to smoke . Train strongly rocked from side to side , and he now and then had to support each other . For the dirty window flashed rare blue fireflies semaphore - passed some stop . - I love to ride on trains , - Damir said , exhaling smoke . - Especially at night . I can not sleep . All sleep , but I can not . Iron wheels rumble on the arrow . He pulled Lenka to her , so that he felt her sharp nipples breasts , took her hips . Composition sharply led cornering . Damir and Lenka did not hear anything . He thought about it , and it 's about the vulgarity of marriage and the use of sex . The train picked up speed , and their young bodies ruthlessly deprived of calories : |
Very disappointed in the tender loin filet I purchased . I grilled it on my George Foreman electric grill - - which did a great job of cooking it , but . . . . . it has no taste . I have found this out recently . Beef just doesn 't have the flavor it use to . Maybe it 's my taste buds dying off , but . . . I think it is more that I am spoiled . I always had 1 / 4 beef in my freezer - - cut just the way I wanted it - - from when my Daddy had an animal butchered . It was wonderful . Four years ago , Fred and I both ordered a nice sirloin at Applebee 's - - tough , tasteless . I had a Whopper a couple of months ago , craving that great taste I remembered - - grey meat , tasteless . I should have taken the $ 20 . 00 left on my Outback gift card and just got a carry out of the Victoria Filet Mignon , baked potato and salad . I would have enjoyed that $ 20 . 00 more then what I spent for this tenderloin . BLECH ! ! I have noticed a lot of my favorite things taste all wrong . Potato chips , still salty , but not as tasty . I think it is because now , the government demands things like that have all trans - fat removed . The only real tasty hunk of beef nowadays , is from a GOOD restaurant where they inject it with tastiness before they cook it . Wonder what 's in that stuff ? Didn 't do much today . I sold another box of books on E - Bay ( that makes 3 = over $ 100 . 00 ) and had to wait for the mail lady to pick them up . Then ran up to Brighton to Cartridge World - - AGAIN ! Just there Thursday to buy a color and black inkjet cartridge . I printed out two pages of a letter , with pictures of Fred 's grave stone to send to his kids = = total 9 pages , and two pages with the pix of his and mine , to put in my scrapbook and the dang color cartridge was empty ? I wonder if it was completely full to begin with ? When I got to the store , I asked the clerk if she could weigh it because it seemed to have run out too quickly . Sure enough - - It was more then 1 / 2 full , but had " died " electronically . So I hummed Taps and she laughed and gave me a new one - - free . They are real good about things like that - - plus , I give them a lot of referrals and business . I stitched on Evan 's Elmo pillow . I had a hard time deciding on what color he is suppose to be . Some images show him as red , others as orange . Pammie told me that Evan 's favorite color is orange - - he always wants to pick out his orange t - shirt to wear , so - - - creative license enabled , I put an orange strand of floss with a red strand and I think it is going to work . Evan likes orange , so his Elmo will be orangeish . As you can see , Evan 's and Elise ' were much easier . I almost chocked when Karen told me she had named her last child : MADELEINE SOPHIA . Then Jen got in the habit with long names . GEESH ! ! When I was in town , I stopped at the gas station to get a bag of chips . I got eye - humped again ! ! ! There was an old guy pumping gas into his truck ( old guys are the only ones that notice me anymore ) and as I strode by I saw him turn his head to look at me . I had on my skinny jeans ( because all my shorts were in the washing machine ) and I was striding along with my long legs as I normally do . It probably wasn 't my jeans , but my new , lifter - upper bra , that puts the girls back , close to where they belong . It isn 't perfect , but at least I don 't look like I have two huge tumors on my waist ! What was funny is , he was unaware that I could see his reflection in the glass front of the store . He was watching me and was nodding his head ( ? ) I have no idea what that means , but I smiled to myself . Eye - humping - - a non - contact entertainment - - which is the only kind I care to take part in anyhow ! ! Then , I decided to fill up the bird feeders . Not many of the summer birds around . Baltimore Orioles , I haven 't seen or heard in a couple months . I am getting Cardinals , Woodpeckers , Chick - A - Dee , Titmice and Nuthatch . I came in and decided it might be a good day to empty and wash out the cat litter box . I have a rather large one to accommodate Buddy . I also scrubbed down the wall behind it . Can 't get down on my knees and crawl under the counter table , so I sprayed with Fantastic and then used my floor mop to reach under and scrub away . " Necessity is the mother of invention . " I scooped out all the " bad " litter into a plastic bag , as normal . Then I got a Glad Super Tuff - Strength of Steel , kitchen garbage bag and scooped the rest out - - I could not lift the box to dump the remaining litter - - so heavy . When it was empty , I hauled it out to the outside hose . Sprayed it with Fantastic and let it set . Scrubbed it with my toilet brush , rinsed and rinsed and rinsed . Then filled it with water and put some bleach in it . Rinsed and rinsed and rinsed and . . . . . . . . let it set in the sun to dry , while I scrubbed the wall . I was so afraid that they 'd need to go potty and no bathroom for them . Buddy did look a little worried . All this was accomplished , making my back hurt like sin ! ! I got it back inside , dried it off with an old towel and filled it with new litter . 20 # of new litter , which also made my back scream when I tried to pick it up and dump it into the box . But all is well . It is one of those long plastic storage boxes to use under a bed . It has wheels on it , so it is easy to pull out to clean . I also vacuumed the carpeting while it was drying . There is an older woman - - mid - seventies . She lives all alone . Her children do not stop in often to visit her . She rarely sees her grandchildren - - they are a distance away . When she does see them , she isn 't very nice to them - - then , realizing she wasn 't very nice , she tries to make it up to them , hoping the visit will end with them only remembering the good times with Granny . This woman complains about everything ! If her daughter offers to drive her to a family function , the woman complains the entire long drive . She didn 't really want to go . Stop the car . Let her out , she wants to go back home . No , never mind , she 'll go , but her family doesn 't care about her . She is superfluous - - no one in the family would even miss her if she wasn 't there . On and on and on she rants . She weeps . She is very sad . She is very angry . Afterwards , she realizes that she had a pretty good time . Now she remembers the way she acted . Some of the weird things she said . She feels bad . She calls and apologizes . She thinks she might be losing her mind . Her problem ? She has way too much time to think . What is there for her to do in life ? Sit and watch television - - think about her past . All the hurts she has had in her life . She may lash out at people now , for those past hurts , even though they aren 't the ones who caused the hurt . She may feel guilty about her past life . She would never admit it , because she can 't allow herself to admit it - - even in her own mind . She is divorced once or twice - - rotten , damn men ! ! ! There is a niggle . She wonders if the divorce was her fault ? No - - it is not possible - - she was a good wife - - HE was the rotten one - - surely it has to be that way , in her mind . She has few visitors . She is very lonely . She feels that death is only a few short months away and she knows that and it makes her scared and even more lonely . Just get it over with . Then she won 't have to think . Everyone in her family will feel a lot better with her gone . It 's difficult to go anywhere . Perhaps she is in pain from arthritis . She doesn 't move around very much so the arthritis gets even worse . It gets too noisy at the family functions . She may be hard of hearing and that makes conversations even harder . Too much background noise for her to even hear what the person next to her is saying . She is filled with fear . She is disappointed in her life . She can 't do a thing about anything , anymore . There is nothing to look forward to . No one cares - - they look at her in a disparaging way . She is a nasty , old bitch . She can 't remember things at times . This frightens her too . Sometimes she gets very confused . People leave her alone because she is so nasty . She gets nastier because she is alone so much of the time . When family does come to her house , she sees it in their eyes . They aren 't there just to sit and chat for awhile . They are there out of a feeling of obligation . - - they have to take her to an appointment . They have to check up on her . Wouldn 't it be nice if they just came to simply visit - - play a game of cards - - watch a movie on TV with her . I too have felt , the last year , that something was very wrong with me - - my thinking - - the things I have uttered , or the way I have acted , or reacted . At times , it has taken very bit of strength I had to go to a family function . I 'd just end up sitting in a chair in the living room and not really feel included - - because I didn 't interact with others . When invited to go to a function - - it was so hard . It hurt so bad to have to walk up stairs to get to a ball game , or sit for a long period of time during a band concert or ballet performance . When it was over , I did not want to go out to supper - - yes , I was hungry , but , once again , I would have to sit on a hard chair , wait for the food , too much noise - - I just wanted to come back home . I was so tired - - I wanted to sit down , put my feet up , be quiet . After certain occasions , I remembered weird statements I had made . At times , tears came into my eyes for no reason . I felt very sorry for myself and no one understood - - nor did they want to hear any of my complaints - - they didn 't really care . Try to be upbeat and friendly and funny and - - - - be exhausted in a couple of hours for the trying . It use to come naturally , now it was forced . Yet - - if I was quiet , people wondered what was wrong . I was scared that I was losing my mind - - it felt that way sometimes . I couldn 't remember who was at the party - - sometimes . Couldn 't remember whom I had spoken with - - sometimes , but , I always could remember the statements I made or the weird thing I did - - which in turn , just made me want to stay away from people so I wouldn 't embarrass myself again and again and again ! ! ! I was so tired , all the time . I was in pain , all the time . Everything was an effort , all the time . I was not the person that I remembered being . I wondered what had happened to that person . Why did I act like I did now ? Why did I say stupid things - - act weird ? What was wrong with me ? Perhaps I did have Alzheimer 's and everyone knew except me ? Maybe my kids stayed away because I had done something awful to them in their lives and now . . . I couldn 't remember what . Maybe I needed to be institutionalized ? Maybe I needed shock treatments ? The only difference between this woman and me was , that I was able - - ON MY OWN - - to seek help . No one had to take me to an appointment with the shrink ! I wanted no one else to know - - because I was trying so hard to keep control and pretend that my weirdness was only because I was still in a brain fog from grief or I was getting old and just a tad eccentric . The only difference between this woman and me was , I am younger then she is and maybe a bit more independent , or stronger and I realized that something was not right . I know she knows , what she is doing , how she is acting is not right - - I know she does . I just wish she could get help . I just wish she would get help . She 's probably afraid too . She may have had mental issues all her life and never received the help she needed . I just wish she could before she does die and the only feeling her family will have is relief that the nasty mother / grandmother bitch is gone . OH - - I am so sad because , honestly , with a some help from some meds , maybe a tiny bit of talk therapy - - she and everyone else in her family would enjoy the years she has left . I heard someone say , " You might get addicted to the meds . " I say , " At 70 + years - - how many years are left ? Who the Hell cares if we get addicted ? What difference does it make ? Better have a nice , calm , happy life with a smile on our face , then go through all the torment of mental illness for the rest of our days ! " Took a shower as I was going to head back into Brighton . I found out that Evan , who will be two on the 23rd of September , already has a tricycle - - or 5 . As he is the youngest of four kids - - he gets ALL the hand - me - downs . One of the trikes , that he can 't reach the pedals yet , is a lot like the one I purchased for him . Sirens , lights , all that jazz . So I will take this one back . YAY - - 50 . 00 back in my bank account ! ! " Momma - - he likes everything ! ! Oh wait - - - every morning when we get dressed , he always wants his orange Elmo shirt . When we sit down for his morning snack , he wants to watch Elmo . You know he doesn 't like TV at all , but he does like Elmo . " Okey Dokey then - - - so I had to run up to Michael 's and get some Aida cloth and two skeins of floss . I found a picture on the Internet - - for a cross stitch pattern - - free download . ( Have you noticed - - you can find ANYTHING on the Internet ? ) I thought Elmo was red , but the color on the pattern was kind of pinkish ? So I went into Google and typed in , " what color is Elmo " and up came pictures and said he was reddish orange . ( I just so happen to really love the Internet - - the world 's biggest encyclopedia ! ! ! Just as I was leaving , Dar came over . She had a Howell Melon with her - - so named because they are grown in this area and also to give the little city of Howell another reason to have a summer festival , just 6 weeks after the hot air balloon fest ! It 's nothing but a muskmelon , but - - it is the size of a watermelon ! ! She gave me half . It is the sweetest muskmelon I have ever tasted . Should last me half a month to eat ! ! ! ! ! Michael 's has moved and I found the store . HUGE - - right next to the JoAnn 's store and Bed , Bath and Beyond . Love it . If I can 't find it at Michael 's I can just walk to JoAnn 's ! ! I got my cloth and the floss and then ran on up to the ink jet refill store and got me a color and a black one . Came home , three minutes before my soap was to start . Then after that , the Detroit Tigers were playing against Oakland for the last game in a 4 game series . Oakland won the first three - - which is not good as we are trying to win the American League title . Last inning , 6 - 4 , we are behind . Dang it ! ! Then we get a couple on base and my new favorite Tiger Torii Hunter comes up to bat and puts a walk off homer into the seats ! ! ! YAY . I wanted to walk down to Pearl 's , take back her phone and see how Merle was doing . I saw her car was home . On down I trotted and walked in . Tiger , her nasty cat , ran out to greet me . He bites everyone , including Merle and Pearl . He however doesn 't bite me . Probably because I don 't make any sudden moves at him , don 't try to swoop him up in my arms , and let him come to me . So we " talked " for a minute and I walked into the living room and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . there was Merle , sitting in his chair , reading the local paper . He had the stress test this morning , both tread mill and injected Thallium and there is nothing wrong with his heart ! ! ! Great news ! ! However , they want him to get to a cardiologist and get a Holter Monitor and wear it for a month ! AND GUESS WHAT ? ? They are going to Dr . Leonen , Fred 's cardiologist ! ! ! ( The doc I suggested they go to . ) His office is at the little hospital , 1 . 5 miles up the road . I am so happy ! ! ! Dr . Leonen is fantastic - - one of the top doggies at the BIG hospital in Ann Arbor , but comes to the Michigan Heart office here , twice a week . He saved Fred 's life ! No doubt about it . Fred loved him , as do I and I think Merle will too . YAY ! Merle said there are three or four guys where he works that have A - Fib episodes often - - monthly and the day Merle had his , he was sitting in the club house and drinking coffee , because it was raining outside . He doesn 't drink coffee at home , but that morning had 5 cups of coffee . I said , " Hm - mm . Think all that caffeine might have kicked your heart rate up a bit , Bunky ? " I told Merle , " Well , A - Fib is not life threatening . Many people have it for years and take medicine for it . It can cause a stroke if it goes unchecked however - - so you get it all checked out and Dr . Leonen will get you fixed up ! ! " Wanna know what they are called ? Are you sure ? Dog Penis Mushrooms . For obvious reasons , I suppose . They are said to be a delicacy to eat ( UGH ! ! ) and in Medieval England they were called Devil 's Penis , because it look like the Devil was sticking his doohickey up through the earth from Hell . LOL " This small member of the Phallaceae family emerges from an off - white egg - like fruiting body that lies half buried in leaf litter on the woodland floor . White mycelial cords ( rhizomorphs ) , are often visible beneath this ' egg ' , which is 2 - 4 cm ( 0 . 8 - 1 . 6 in ) high , and 1 - 2 cm ( 0 . 4 - 0 . 8 in ) wide . [ 4 ] The ' egg ' has a tough outer skin ( peridium ) , which covers a gelatinous inner layer , which in turn protects the fully formed , but unexpanded fruiting body . When the ' egg ' splits open the fungus expands rapidly ( usually within a few hours ) , to its full height of 10 - 12 cm ( 4 - 5 in ) . It is around 1 cm ( 0 . 4 in ) thick , and is either yellowish - white , yellow , or pale orange . The split egg is retained as a volva - like sack , at the base . The column is very fragile , pitted , and cylindrical . It has a pointed tip , and is usually curved . The tip is covered in the spore bearing matter ( gleba ) which is a dark olive - brown paste , and has a smell which is irresistible to insects . ( These insects help distribute the spores on their bodies , and in their stomachs . ) Beneath the spore mass the tip is dark orange . Although its smell is not as strong as the related common stinkhorn ( Phallus impudicus ) , it has been described as smelling like cat feces . " As I was leaving for town , I got the mail out of my mail box . There was a small envelope and it was from Jennifer . I went to open it and then decided to wait . Who knew what might be in it and if it was something snarky or bad - - I didn 't want to read it before I went shopping . When I was making sun catchesr , I had purchased a very large box of beads . Some of those beads had glitter sparkles in them and they did not melt very well . I gave the box to Pammie and asked if she would give it Elise to play with . Pammie later told me that Elise was so excited to get them . That made me feel good . I can 't figure out if Elise wrote it or Jen - - the handwriting looks like Jen 's , but maybe so does Elise ' . I wonder if Jen even told the kids that they wouldn 't be seeing Mimi anymore because the note almost sounds like she wonders why she hasn 't seen me all summer , but hopes to see me soon . I hope so too ! ! I don 't want to read anything into this , but I wonder - - is the glacier melting ? Evan 's birthday is in four weeks - - are they having a party ? Is this to pave the way for me to be invited ? On second 10th reading , it looks like Elise wrote it because Jen would not mis - spell forward ( foward . ) Anyway , Jen knows , because she is the one who mailed it from her work office ! ! ! I just remembered ( 11 : 00 p . m . ) this is a holiday weekend here in the US . So if any of you are doing that sort of thing - - or whatever one does on a holiday weekend - - we always stayed off the roads - - be safe , have fun and next week - - it is going to be much cooler here ! YAY ! ! I just looked at the title . The only thing wrong with it , is it is Wednesday and that means garbage take out day and it is going on midnight and I forgot . So - - - - I 'll be right back . The new meds - - working better - - not so crooked in the head in the morning . However , for about two hours after I wake up , I have like this 4 inch wooden block squarely in the middle of my forehead - - between my skull and my brain . Ever have that feeling ? I sleep well with them , but I am very groggy and I don 't wake up very early . This getting up at 10 : 30 , means by this time of night I am just getting started , which in turn means I got to bed around 3 : 00 a . m . , which means I get up at 10 : 30 - - see the vicious circle here ? I just found out that there was a small tornado in Brighton last evening - - when I was seeing the yellowish - green sky to the south ? When I read the account and saw where it hit - - just 2 . 5 short miles south of me ! YIKES ! ! ! Over by the high school AND I just got a Face Book message from my grand girl Madeleine that they were at marching band practice on the football field , exactly one mile from where it made its touch down . She didn 't say if they ran for cover - - but I think with the torrential rain we had , they had to do something . Maybe run under the bleachers - - or into the bathrooms ? Merle has had : EKG 's , Echo cardiogram , CAT scan , x - rays , blood work ad infinitum , stress test , both with the treadmill and with the Thallium and . . . NOTHING IS SHOWING UP ! ! ! They are mystified . I think he probably should get a heart catheterization - - maybe they will think to do that - - I sure hope so . ( But I am not mentioning it ! ! ! ) He 's been having A - Fib episodes for the last six months ! They need to find out why and correct it - - in my opinion . Pearl is not liking sleeping alone - - the first time in 5 years since she was in hospital for a few days . I turn on my bathroom light and bedroom light which she can see from her bedroom , so when she goes to bed , she knows I am still awake and not far away if she needs me . Hey - - I 'm up until 3 : 00 anyway . I went to the Rich People 's store today - - so much fun ! ! The new meds seem to be working as I picked up a cat toy - - so cute and then thought , " You do not need that , " and put it back . I was also looking on line for something and found it and filled in the order information and then thought , " You do not need that " and clicked off . One of my problems the last six months is the buying of things I do not need - - want perhaps , but do not need . It has scared me . Picture this , awake at 2 : 30 , on the internet and found a really neat ( I can 't even remember now ) something and ordered it . At 6 : 00 I woke up again , ran in her , turned on the computer and quickly canceled the order . HOW NUTZ IS THAT ! ! ! Manic behavior , I think . I also have not said anything outrageous or inappropriate since last Friday at the shrinks . I still think them , but I don 't speak them . I would walk by people in the Wal - Mart and say stupid stuff . Like , one time , a fat guy at the milk chest , he was holding two quarts of milk in his hand . One was Fat Free , the other was 2 % , so as I stroll by , I say , " Better get the Fat Free . " GOOD GRIEF . He did laugh and didn 't punch me out , but that sort of thing comes out of my mouth . Or post links or stupid , idiotic things on Face Book and then go back in a few minutes and delete the post . OR - - my all time favorite - - A lady was in the Wal - Mart toy section and when I came around the corner , I saw her stuff something in her pants pocket . So I casually walk by and say , " Don 't forget - - camera everywhere . Big Brother is watching . " Schizophrenia ? Anyway , I am not doing that kind of crap anymore so I am grateful for the new meds . I will get use to them so they don 't bother my balance as much in - - oh - - about two weeks ? Did you know to put all your fresh veggies and fruit in a tub of water with 1 / 2 cup white vinegar to get any germs / bacteria off ? Also takes off the wax they use on cucumbers and apples , etc . I just found out about it and do it all the time now . It is the end of the month and I had grocery money left over , so . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . protein . The first nice hunk of beef I have had in a very long time . Should get two meals off it . A once a year treat ? However I can justify the expense ! ! ! On the way home I stopped at Pearl 's and gave her phone back and chatted for awhile . She was home for two hours and then going back up to hospital . She is very weary ! ! Remember - - she can barely walk from her place , across the street to the mail box and now , she has to walk from car , to hospital entrance , another 50 feet to the elevator and then to Merle 's room . I have been trying and trying to get her to take Fish Oil / Omega 3 for her arthritis . It would help her heart and most probably her memory . She will buy some stupid diet pill off the TV , but she keeps " forgetting " to pick up a bottle of Fish Oil at the Wal - Mart . I want to just buy them for her , but . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . that " taking charge " , being " teacher of the world " , is also a bad trait I am trying to over come . Two weeks ago Pearl signed up with Comcast . She bundled her ( non - existent ) phone and high speed internet and TV . I told you her computer isn 't working - - does not have enough memory for the high speed interest AND she had to go out and buy a land line phone , which also quit working last week . SO - - I suggested a whole lot of things , which she didn 't want to do , so I shut my mouth - - let her figure it out . I brought her phone home with me Sunday , because , I had a feeling it wasn 't the phone , but rather the phone line . She was cussing it out . " Brand new phone and the damn thing doesn 't work ! " I pulled the phone cord out of my phone and plugged it into hers and got a dial tone , so I called her on it . Apparently she didn 't recognized ( HER OWN PHONE NUMBER ) caller I . D , so when she picked up , she said , " Who is this ! " Then , her cell phone quit and she couldn 't figure out why . She needed a new battery , but her phone is so old that the battery place can 't find one that will work . So - - today she told me , her daughter is going to get her a Smart Phone and she can make calls and she can get her e - mails and play her games on it and everything ! YAY ! ! ! Everything will be all right now - - until the phone doesn 't work like she thinks it should and she will start thinking it is out to get her ( purposefully ) , like she thought about her computer . She honestly thinks that when she turns on her computer and it doesn 't work right - - it is because , " it recognizes me and so it won 't work just to make me frustrated . " Honest ! So - - I am back because today was not boring . It could have been a bit boring , which would have been good , because it turned out to be way to hectic ! Why can 't life just be calm and smooth every day with just enough interest to keep us awake and not so much to cause us stress ? I have been on the new med for 3 days . I take it at night and I do sleep well - - too well - - but , when I wake up in the morning I am groggy . My head and face feels like they are sort of mis - shaped - - kind of like - - - So I jumped into her car and off she went - - cut across the corner of my neighbor 's lawn and narrowly missed the next neighbor 's mail box - - she was driving as usual . She got out on the road in front and immediately got into the LEFT TURN LANE - - because in , oh let 's say , 1 . 5 miles she was going to have to turn left into the hospital parking lot . Down the road we fly - - I am hanging onto the door handle - - - We rush in - - I have never seen her walk that fast in her life ! ! ! We get back to the room Merle is in - - laying there all comfortable in bed , watching " Amish Mafia " and Pearl rushes up to him and says , " You don 't do this to me , Merle ! I have told you and God - - I am going first ! Don 't you dare die on me ! ! " I walk in behind her and he smiles - - I walk over and take his hand and look at him . " You look pretty good to me . Your color is great . " Then I look up at the monitor - - " I can tell you one thing Mister - - you are not having a heart attack ! ! Your oxygen saturation is 100 percent . Your respiration is 18 and your heart rate is 62 beats per minutes . " He was having tachycardia - - arterial fibrillation - - rapid heart beat . Long story short - - he has been having these episodes for about six months . When he went for his annual check - up last month , he didn 't bother to tell the doctor because he felt fine " at the time . " When he had it today , he decided to drive to hospital so they could check it out while it was happening . There was no enzyme in his blood work to point to a heart attack HOWEVER - - it did show that he might have a blood clot in his lung . Off he went for a CAT scan of his lungs - - - Echo cardiogram of his heart . When the doc came in , Pearl demanded they get him something to eat . The doctor said , " You can 't eat while we are doing the tests . " Pearl was pissed . Then , I reminded them of the day last February , when he got up in the morning and got half way down the hallway and dropped to his knees because his heart was beating rapidly and he couldn 't breathe . Neither one of them remembered - - SAY WHAT ? ? ? So , now I have to look it up in my written journal so I can get the date , because , the doc wants to know when this all started . When Pearl heard him say he 'd been having these episodes for quite a while , she slapped him on his arm - - really hard . " Why didn 't you tell me ? " Then she looked at me , " Why wouldn 't he tell me ? Damn men - - all alike . Would rather fall over dead then share that kind of news with their wife ! ! " Do I push in the clutch and the brake when I start it ? Had to think and go through some of the motions . Okay - - first is up and left , second is left and down , third up and right , fourth down and right . Got it ! Now - - where is reverse ? I got it home and never lurched , so - - - I CAN drive a stick shift ! ! The phone was ringing when I walked in the door . My sister . " It rained over night . The ground is easier to dig . Do you want to bury Fred today ? " So - - I loaded Fred into the back seat and the heavy cement angel dog statue . Went potty . Put more water in the cats dish . Grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator . Wrote a note for Pearl . Stopped at her house to leave the note and make sure her cat had food , petted him and off I went . Forty minutes later , I pulled into the cemetery . Chuck and Susan were there , clipping grass from around our family stones . Fred and I spent Christmas Day with Chuck and Susan , two years ago . They went back to Binghamton , NY on December 30th . Fred died New Years day and when I called to tell her , she wanted to turn around and drive back and I told her not too . So - - - after Fred 's marker was in place at the cemetery , two weeks ago , I asked them to pick a day that was convenient for them to bury him . We wanted a day when the ground wouldn 't be dry and hard . Chuck measured Fred 's " casket " and started digging and it was like he was digging in top soil . It wasn 't full of clay and it wasn 't hard to dig . I probably could have done it myself , but I kind of wanted them involved . ( I hope these pictures don 't offend . Remember , this is now my journal , as I can 't write anymore with my arthritic right hand . So I am putting here , thoughts and pictures that I normally would put in my private , paper , written journal . ) Chuck had his hat off and told Fred , " Don 't worry . Michael Waltrip is still racing and the Tigers are doing great this year ! " and then Susan said , " Fred , we all miss you so much . Everyone in our family loved you and we are so happy that you can still be with us - - here in our family 's place of rest . " Then I said , " Thanks for the best seven years of my life , Sweetheart . I love you . " Then we joined hands and said the Lord 's Prayer . Then I said , " I should have brought my French Horn so I could have played Taps . " ( Because you know how irreverent I am ! Then we went back to their place , The Farm , where they are finally getting their new siding put on , had supper and I drove home - - IN THE WORST RAIN STORM EVER ! ! ! AND IT WAS DARK AND I DO NOT DRIVE WELL IN THE DARK AND WITH THE RAIN COMING DOWN CATS AND DOGS - - I sang , " Be not dismayed what ' ere betide , God will take care of you . Beneath His wings of love abide , God will take care of you . God will take care of you , in every way , ore all the day , He will take care of you . God will take care of you . " and he did and I made it and stopped in to see Pearl and Merle DOES NOT have a blood clot in his lung , but they are keeping him a few days for a stress test and observation . YAY ! ! Personally , I think he may need a PaceMaker / Defibrillator , or even a stent , but I did not mention that to Pearl . She is just happier that he isn 't going before her - - - - - - - - - Okay ! It feels so good to me to have Fred buried . To feel that he is finally , really at peace . While , I do not like cremation - - it just creeps me out ! I KNOW - - it is just a body . His soul has already gone to Heaven . But , his physical body is the one I knew and adored and to have him put in a oven . . . . . . . . . . . I remember something the mortician told me when my Mother died . Mortician 's can be weird , you know . I think it goes along with their kind of work . They talk " shop " sometimes when they should say nothing ! ! Anyway he said , " If you opened your Mother 's casket , twenty years from now , she would look just like she looks today . " That was actually very reassuring to me . I 'd go to the cemetery and stand by her grave and know that . . . she still looked beautiful . Of course , on the 20th anniversary of her death , I got a bit nauseous and creeped out , but . . . . . . . . . . . . I just didn 't like the idea of his ashes sitting out on the end table or on my bedroom dresser . It felt almost disrespectful to me . He was not " at rest " . I know a lot of widows who keep their husband 's ashes in a nice urn on the mantle , or have a shrine set up , but . . . . . . . I have always feared , the house burning down or a tornado taking it away . What would be left ? Nothing ! Fred would be " lost " again - - truly lost . So - - - to me it just feels better to know where his remains are and that he is safe from everything . Unless , of course , when the aliens come and do their archaeological research and dig up our graves to see how we took care of our dead and find - - - - - - - - - - - - - Fred and his dog buried together ? Separate containers , but yet together . They may wonder what a strange and weird people we were . An unfinished woman . I figured by now , I 'd know it all - - but it seems everyday , something either changes or something new comes along for me to tackle . I still haven 't figured out who I am or what I want to be . I just know , I am putting one foot in front of the other and going - - ever forward . We managed to get two rainy days in a row . It 's just what the lawn doctor ordered . Everything is green and lush again . It looks like a rain forest outside . . . This apron was made in April ( ? ) . Time is just passing me by it seems with so many appointments and early morning trips to the eye clinic . The second su . . . Well it 's been a little over a month since my last post . Seems to be my pattern now , once a month ! Work has been stressful but that 's nothing new . My cowor . . . My life is not without challenges . Like so many of us , there are many more challenges than I would like . But I sit here today and I look out at the sun s . . . I 'm still working on Ukrainian Easter Eggs . I 'm so happy to be able to make them . I still have difficulty getting a good photo of the eggs , though . . . . My oldest daughter 's father has died . He is not the one who molested the girls , he was just a deadbeat dad . Ever since I left him he had struggled to liv . . . Tis the season you guys . . . . I have not forgotten . . . . Angel Man who keeps me sane all year round . This year I would just like to lick him lol . . . what is w . . . |
Very disappointed in the tender loin filet I purchased . I grilled it on my George Foreman electric grill - - which did a great job of cooking it , but . . . . . it has no taste . I have found this out recently . Beef just doesn 't have the flavor it use to . Maybe it 's my taste buds dying off , but . . . I think it is more that I am spoiled . I always had 1 / 4 beef in my freezer - - cut just the way I wanted it - - from when my Daddy had an animal butchered . It was wonderful . Four years ago , Fred and I both ordered a nice sirloin at Applebee 's - - tough , tasteless . I had a Whopper a couple of months ago , craving that great taste I remembered - - grey meat , tasteless . I should have taken the $ 20 . 00 left on my Outback gift card and just got a carry out of the Victoria Filet Mignon , baked potato and salad . I would have enjoyed that $ 20 . 00 more then what I spent for this tenderloin . BLECH ! ! I have noticed a lot of my favorite things taste all wrong . Potato chips , still salty , but not as tasty . I think it is because now , the government demands things like that have all trans - fat removed . The only real tasty hunk of beef nowadays , is from a GOOD restaurant where they inject it with tastiness before they cook it . Wonder what 's in that stuff ? Didn 't do much today . I sold another box of books on E - Bay ( that makes 3 = over $ 100 . 00 ) and had to wait for the mail lady to pick them up . Then ran up to Brighton to Cartridge World - - AGAIN ! Just there Thursday to buy a color and black inkjet cartridge . I printed out two pages of a letter , with pictures of Fred 's grave stone to send to his kids = = total 9 pages , and two pages with the pix of his and mine , to put in my scrapbook and the dang color cartridge was empty ? I wonder if it was completely full to begin with ? When I got to the store , I asked the clerk if she could weigh it because it seemed to have run out too quickly . Sure enough - - It was more then 1 / 2 full , but had " died " electronically . So I hummed Taps and she laughed and gave me a new one - - free . They are real good about things like that - - plus , I give them a lot of referrals and business . I stitched on Evan 's Elmo pillow . I had a hard time deciding on what color he is suppose to be . Some images show him as red , others as orange . Pammie told me that Evan 's favorite color is orange - - he always wants to pick out his orange t - shirt to wear , so - - - creative license enabled , I put an orange strand of floss with a red strand and I think it is going to work . Evan likes orange , so his Elmo will be orangeish . As you can see , Evan 's and Elise ' were much easier . I almost chocked when Karen told me she had named her last child : MADELEINE SOPHIA . Then Jen got in the habit with long names . GEESH ! ! When I was in town , I stopped at the gas station to get a bag of chips . I got eye - humped again ! ! ! There was an old guy pumping gas into his truck ( old guys are the only ones that notice me anymore ) and as I strode by I saw him turn his head to look at me . I had on my skinny jeans ( because all my shorts were in the washing machine ) and I was striding along with my long legs as I normally do . It probably wasn 't my jeans , but my new , lifter - upper bra , that puts the girls back , close to where they belong . It isn 't perfect , but at least I don 't look like I have two huge tumors on my waist ! What was funny is , he was unaware that I could see his reflection in the glass front of the store . He was watching me and was nodding his head ( ? ) I have no idea what that means , but I smiled to myself . Eye - humping - - a non - contact entertainment - - which is the only kind I care to take part in anyhow ! ! Then , I decided to fill up the bird feeders . Not many of the summer birds around . Baltimore Orioles , I haven 't seen or heard in a couple months . I am getting Cardinals , Woodpeckers , Chick - A - Dee , Titmice and Nuthatch . I came in and decided it might be a good day to empty and wash out the cat litter box . I have a rather large one to accommodate Buddy . I also scrubbed down the wall behind it . Can 't get down on my knees and crawl under the counter table , so I sprayed with Fantastic and then used my floor mop to reach under and scrub away . " Necessity is the mother of invention . " I scooped out all the " bad " litter into a plastic bag , as normal . Then I got a Glad Super Tuff - Strength of Steel , kitchen garbage bag and scooped the rest out - - I could not lift the box to dump the remaining litter - - so heavy . When it was empty , I hauled it out to the outside hose . Sprayed it with Fantastic and let it set . Scrubbed it with my toilet brush , rinsed and rinsed and rinsed . Then filled it with water and put some bleach in it . Rinsed and rinsed and rinsed and . . . . . . . . let it set in the sun to dry , while I scrubbed the wall . I was so afraid that they 'd need to go potty and no bathroom for them . Buddy did look a little worried . All this was accomplished , making my back hurt like sin ! ! I got it back inside , dried it off with an old towel and filled it with new litter . 20 # of new litter , which also made my back scream when I tried to pick it up and dump it into the box . But all is well . It is one of those long plastic storage boxes to use under a bed . It has wheels on it , so it is easy to pull out to clean . I also vacuumed the carpeting while it was drying . There is an older woman - - mid - seventies . She lives all alone . Her children do not stop in often to visit her . She rarely sees her grandchildren - - they are a distance away . When she does see them , she isn 't very nice to them - - then , realizing she wasn 't very nice , she tries to make it up to them , hoping the visit will end with them only remembering the good times with Granny . This woman complains about everything ! If her daughter offers to drive her to a family function , the woman complains the entire long drive . She didn 't really want to go . Stop the car . Let her out , she wants to go back home . No , never mind , she 'll go , but her family doesn 't care about her . She is superfluous - - no one in the family would even miss her if she wasn 't there . On and on and on she rants . She weeps . She is very sad . She is very angry . Afterwards , she realizes that she had a pretty good time . Now she remembers the way she acted . Some of the weird things she said . She feels bad . She calls and apologizes . She thinks she might be losing her mind . Her problem ? She has way too much time to think . What is there for her to do in life ? Sit and watch television - - think about her past . All the hurts she has had in her life . She may lash out at people now , for those past hurts , even though they aren 't the ones who caused the hurt . She may feel guilty about her past life . She would never admit it , because she can 't allow herself to admit it - - even in her own mind . She is divorced once or twice - - rotten , damn men ! ! ! There is a niggle . She wonders if the divorce was her fault ? No - - it is not possible - - she was a good wife - - HE was the rotten one - - surely it has to be that way , in her mind . She has few visitors . She is very lonely . She feels that death is only a few short months away and she knows that and it makes her scared and even more lonely . Just get it over with . Then she won 't have to think . Everyone in her family will feel a lot better with her gone . It 's difficult to go anywhere . Perhaps she is in pain from arthritis . She doesn 't move around very much so the arthritis gets even worse . It gets too noisy at the family functions . She may be hard of hearing and that makes conversations even harder . Too much background noise for her to even hear what the person next to her is saying . She is filled with fear . She is disappointed in her life . She can 't do a thing about anything , anymore . There is nothing to look forward to . No one cares - - they look at her in a disparaging way . She is a nasty , old bitch . She can 't remember things at times . This frightens her too . Sometimes she gets very confused . People leave her alone because she is so nasty . She gets nastier because she is alone so much of the time . When family does come to her house , she sees it in their eyes . They aren 't there just to sit and chat for awhile . They are there out of a feeling of obligation . - - they have to take her to an appointment . They have to check up on her . Wouldn 't it be nice if they just came to simply visit - - play a game of cards - - watch a movie on TV with her . I too have felt , the last year , that something was very wrong with me - - my thinking - - the things I have uttered , or the way I have acted , or reacted . At times , it has taken very bit of strength I had to go to a family function . I 'd just end up sitting in a chair in the living room and not really feel included - - because I didn 't interact with others . When invited to go to a function - - it was so hard . It hurt so bad to have to walk up stairs to get to a ball game , or sit for a long period of time during a band concert or ballet performance . When it was over , I did not want to go out to supper - - yes , I was hungry , but , once again , I would have to sit on a hard chair , wait for the food , too much noise - - I just wanted to come back home . I was so tired - - I wanted to sit down , put my feet up , be quiet . After certain occasions , I remembered weird statements I had made . At times , tears came into my eyes for no reason . I felt very sorry for myself and no one understood - - nor did they want to hear any of my complaints - - they didn 't really care . Try to be upbeat and friendly and funny and - - - - be exhausted in a couple of hours for the trying . It use to come naturally , now it was forced . Yet - - if I was quiet , people wondered what was wrong . I was scared that I was losing my mind - - it felt that way sometimes . I couldn 't remember who was at the party - - sometimes . Couldn 't remember whom I had spoken with - - sometimes , but , I always could remember the statements I made or the weird thing I did - - which in turn , just made me want to stay away from people so I wouldn 't embarrass myself again and again and again ! ! ! I was so tired , all the time . I was in pain , all the time . Everything was an effort , all the time . I was not the person that I remembered being . I wondered what had happened to that person . Why did I act like I did now ? Why did I say stupid things - - act weird ? What was wrong with me ? Perhaps I did have Alzheimer 's and everyone knew except me ? Maybe my kids stayed away because I had done something awful to them in their lives and now . . . I couldn 't remember what . Maybe I needed to be institutionalized ? Maybe I needed shock treatments ? The only difference between this woman and me was , that I was able - - ON MY OWN - - to seek help . No one had to take me to an appointment with the shrink ! I wanted no one else to know - - because I was trying so hard to keep control and pretend that my weirdness was only because I was still in a brain fog from grief or I was getting old and just a tad eccentric . The only difference between this woman and me was , I am younger then she is and maybe a bit more independent , or stronger and I realized that something was not right . I know she knows , what she is doing , how she is acting is not right - - I know she does . I just wish she could get help . I just wish she would get help . She 's probably afraid too . She may have had mental issues all her life and never received the help she needed . I just wish she could before she does die and the only feeling her family will have is relief that the nasty mother / grandmother bitch is gone . OH - - I am so sad because , honestly , with a some help from some meds , maybe a tiny bit of talk therapy - - she and everyone else in her family would enjoy the years she has left . I heard someone say , " You might get addicted to the meds . " I say , " At 70 + years - - how many years are left ? Who the Hell cares if we get addicted ? What difference does it make ? Better have a nice , calm , happy life with a smile on our face , then go through all the torment of mental illness for the rest of our days ! " Took a shower as I was going to head back into Brighton . I found out that Evan , who will be two on the 23rd of September , already has a tricycle - - or 5 . As he is the youngest of four kids - - he gets ALL the hand - me - downs . One of the trikes , that he can 't reach the pedals yet , is a lot like the one I purchased for him . Sirens , lights , all that jazz . So I will take this one back . YAY - - 50 . 00 back in my bank account ! ! " Momma - - he likes everything ! ! Oh wait - - - every morning when we get dressed , he always wants his orange Elmo shirt . When we sit down for his morning snack , he wants to watch Elmo . You know he doesn 't like TV at all , but he does like Elmo . " Okey Dokey then - - - so I had to run up to Michael 's and get some Aida cloth and two skeins of floss . I found a picture on the Internet - - for a cross stitch pattern - - free download . ( Have you noticed - - you can find ANYTHING on the Internet ? ) I thought Elmo was red , but the color on the pattern was kind of pinkish ? So I went into Google and typed in , " what color is Elmo " and up came pictures and said he was reddish orange . ( I just so happen to really love the Internet - - the world 's biggest encyclopedia ! ! ! Just as I was leaving , Dar came over . She had a Howell Melon with her - - so named because they are grown in this area and also to give the little city of Howell another reason to have a summer festival , just 6 weeks after the hot air balloon fest ! It 's nothing but a muskmelon , but - - it is the size of a watermelon ! ! She gave me half . It is the sweetest muskmelon I have ever tasted . Should last me half a month to eat ! ! ! ! ! Michael 's has moved and I found the store . HUGE - - right next to the JoAnn 's store and Bed , Bath and Beyond . Love it . If I can 't find it at Michael 's I can just walk to JoAnn 's ! ! I got my cloth and the floss and then ran on up to the ink jet refill store and got me a color and a black one . Came home , three minutes before my soap was to start . Then after that , the Detroit Tigers were playing against Oakland for the last game in a 4 game series . Oakland won the first three - - which is not good as we are trying to win the American League title . Last inning , 6 - 4 , we are behind . Dang it ! ! Then we get a couple on base and my new favorite Tiger Torii Hunter comes up to bat and puts a walk off homer into the seats ! ! ! YAY . I wanted to walk down to Pearl 's , take back her phone and see how Merle was doing . I saw her car was home . On down I trotted and walked in . Tiger , her nasty cat , ran out to greet me . He bites everyone , including Merle and Pearl . He however doesn 't bite me . Probably because I don 't make any sudden moves at him , don 't try to swoop him up in my arms , and let him come to me . So we " talked " for a minute and I walked into the living room and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . there was Merle , sitting in his chair , reading the local paper . He had the stress test this morning , both tread mill and injected Thallium and there is nothing wrong with his heart ! ! ! Great news ! ! However , they want him to get to a cardiologist and get a Holter Monitor and wear it for a month ! AND GUESS WHAT ? ? They are going to Dr . Leonen , Fred 's cardiologist ! ! ! ( The doc I suggested they go to . ) His office is at the little hospital , 1 . 5 miles up the road . I am so happy ! ! ! Dr . Leonen is fantastic - - one of the top doggies at the BIG hospital in Ann Arbor , but comes to the Michigan Heart office here , twice a week . He saved Fred 's life ! No doubt about it . Fred loved him , as do I and I think Merle will too . YAY ! Merle said there are three or four guys where he works that have A - Fib episodes often - - monthly and the day Merle had his , he was sitting in the club house and drinking coffee , because it was raining outside . He doesn 't drink coffee at home , but that morning had 5 cups of coffee . I said , " Hm - mm . Think all that caffeine might have kicked your heart rate up a bit , Bunky ? " I told Merle , " Well , A - Fib is not life threatening . Many people have it for years and take medicine for it . It can cause a stroke if it goes unchecked however - - so you get it all checked out and Dr . Leonen will get you fixed up ! ! " Wanna know what they are called ? Are you sure ? Dog Penis Mushrooms . For obvious reasons , I suppose . They are said to be a delicacy to eat ( UGH ! ! ) and in Medieval England they were called Devil 's Penis , because it look like the Devil was sticking his doohickey up through the earth from Hell . LOL " This small member of the Phallaceae family emerges from an off - white egg - like fruiting body that lies half buried in leaf litter on the woodland floor . White mycelial cords ( rhizomorphs ) , are often visible beneath this ' egg ' , which is 2 - 4 cm ( 0 . 8 - 1 . 6 in ) high , and 1 - 2 cm ( 0 . 4 - 0 . 8 in ) wide . [ 4 ] The ' egg ' has a tough outer skin ( peridium ) , which covers a gelatinous inner layer , which in turn protects the fully formed , but unexpanded fruiting body . When the ' egg ' splits open the fungus expands rapidly ( usually within a few hours ) , to its full height of 10 - 12 cm ( 4 - 5 in ) . It is around 1 cm ( 0 . 4 in ) thick , and is either yellowish - white , yellow , or pale orange . The split egg is retained as a volva - like sack , at the base . The column is very fragile , pitted , and cylindrical . It has a pointed tip , and is usually curved . The tip is covered in the spore bearing matter ( gleba ) which is a dark olive - brown paste , and has a smell which is irresistible to insects . ( These insects help distribute the spores on their bodies , and in their stomachs . ) Beneath the spore mass the tip is dark orange . Although its smell is not as strong as the related common stinkhorn ( Phallus impudicus ) , it has been described as smelling like cat feces . " As I was leaving for town , I got the mail out of my mail box . There was a small envelope and it was from Jennifer . I went to open it and then decided to wait . Who knew what might be in it and if it was something snarky or bad - - I didn 't want to read it before I went shopping . When I was making sun catchesr , I had purchased a very large box of beads . Some of those beads had glitter sparkles in them and they did not melt very well . I gave the box to Pammie and asked if she would give it Elise to play with . Pammie later told me that Elise was so excited to get them . That made me feel good . I can 't figure out if Elise wrote it or Jen - - the handwriting looks like Jen 's , but maybe so does Elise ' . I wonder if Jen even told the kids that they wouldn 't be seeing Mimi anymore because the note almost sounds like she wonders why she hasn 't seen me all summer , but hopes to see me soon . I hope so too ! ! I don 't want to read anything into this , but I wonder - - is the glacier melting ? Evan 's birthday is in four weeks - - are they having a party ? Is this to pave the way for me to be invited ? On second 10th reading , it looks like Elise wrote it because Jen would not mis - spell forward ( foward . ) Anyway , Jen knows , because she is the one who mailed it from her work office ! ! ! I just remembered ( 11 : 00 p . m . ) this is a holiday weekend here in the US . So if any of you are doing that sort of thing - - or whatever one does on a holiday weekend - - we always stayed off the roads - - be safe , have fun and next week - - it is going to be much cooler here ! YAY ! ! I just looked at the title . The only thing wrong with it , is it is Wednesday and that means garbage take out day and it is going on midnight and I forgot . So - - - - I 'll be right back . The new meds - - working better - - not so crooked in the head in the morning . However , for about two hours after I wake up , I have like this 4 inch wooden block squarely in the middle of my forehead - - between my skull and my brain . Ever have that feeling ? I sleep well with them , but I am very groggy and I don 't wake up very early . This getting up at 10 : 30 , means by this time of night I am just getting started , which in turn means I got to bed around 3 : 00 a . m . , which means I get up at 10 : 30 - - see the vicious circle here ? I just found out that there was a small tornado in Brighton last evening - - when I was seeing the yellowish - green sky to the south ? When I read the account and saw where it hit - - just 2 . 5 short miles south of me ! YIKES ! ! ! Over by the high school AND I just got a Face Book message from my grand girl Madeleine that they were at marching band practice on the football field , exactly one mile from where it made its touch down . She didn 't say if they ran for cover - - but I think with the torrential rain we had , they had to do something . Maybe run under the bleachers - - or into the bathrooms ? Merle has had : EKG 's , Echo cardiogram , CAT scan , x - rays , blood work ad infinitum , stress test , both with the treadmill and with the Thallium and . . . NOTHING IS SHOWING UP ! ! ! They are mystified . I think he probably should get a heart catheterization - - maybe they will think to do that - - I sure hope so . ( But I am not mentioning it ! ! ! ) He 's been having A - Fib episodes for the last six months ! They need to find out why and correct it - - in my opinion . Pearl is not liking sleeping alone - - the first time in 5 years since she was in hospital for a few days . I turn on my bathroom light and bedroom light which she can see from her bedroom , so when she goes to bed , she knows I am still awake and not far away if she needs me . Hey - - I 'm up until 3 : 00 anyway . I went to the Rich People 's store today - - so much fun ! ! The new meds seem to be working as I picked up a cat toy - - so cute and then thought , " You do not need that , " and put it back . I was also looking on line for something and found it and filled in the order information and then thought , " You do not need that " and clicked off . One of my problems the last six months is the buying of things I do not need - - want perhaps , but do not need . It has scared me . Picture this , awake at 2 : 30 , on the internet and found a really neat ( I can 't even remember now ) something and ordered it . At 6 : 00 I woke up again , ran in her , turned on the computer and quickly canceled the order . HOW NUTZ IS THAT ! ! ! Manic behavior , I think . I also have not said anything outrageous or inappropriate since last Friday at the shrinks . I still think them , but I don 't speak them . I would walk by people in the Wal - Mart and say stupid stuff . Like , one time , a fat guy at the milk chest , he was holding two quarts of milk in his hand . One was Fat Free , the other was 2 % , so as I stroll by , I say , " Better get the Fat Free . " GOOD GRIEF . He did laugh and didn 't punch me out , but that sort of thing comes out of my mouth . Or post links or stupid , idiotic things on Face Book and then go back in a few minutes and delete the post . OR - - my all time favorite - - A lady was in the Wal - Mart toy section and when I came around the corner , I saw her stuff something in her pants pocket . So I casually walk by and say , " Don 't forget - - camera everywhere . Big Brother is watching . " Schizophrenia ? Anyway , I am not doing that kind of crap anymore so I am grateful for the new meds . I will get use to them so they don 't bother my balance as much in - - oh - - about two weeks ? Did you know to put all your fresh veggies and fruit in a tub of water with 1 / 2 cup white vinegar to get any germs / bacteria off ? Also takes off the wax they use on cucumbers and apples , etc . I just found out about it and do it all the time now . It is the end of the month and I had grocery money left over , so . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . protein . The first nice hunk of beef I have had in a very long time . Should get two meals off it . A once a year treat ? However I can justify the expense ! ! ! On the way home I stopped at Pearl 's and gave her phone back and chatted for awhile . She was home for two hours and then going back up to hospital . She is very weary ! ! Remember - - she can barely walk from her place , across the street to the mail box and now , she has to walk from car , to hospital entrance , another 50 feet to the elevator and then to Merle 's room . I have been trying and trying to get her to take Fish Oil / Omega 3 for her arthritis . It would help her heart and most probably her memory . She will buy some stupid diet pill off the TV , but she keeps " forgetting " to pick up a bottle of Fish Oil at the Wal - Mart . I want to just buy them for her , but . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . that " taking charge " , being " teacher of the world " , is also a bad trait I am trying to over come . Two weeks ago Pearl signed up with Comcast . She bundled her ( non - existent ) phone and high speed internet and TV . I told you her computer isn 't working - - does not have enough memory for the high speed interest AND she had to go out and buy a land line phone , which also quit working last week . SO - - I suggested a whole lot of things , which she didn 't want to do , so I shut my mouth - - let her figure it out . I brought her phone home with me Sunday , because , I had a feeling it wasn 't the phone , but rather the phone line . She was cussing it out . " Brand new phone and the damn thing doesn 't work ! " I pulled the phone cord out of my phone and plugged it into hers and got a dial tone , so I called her on it . Apparently she didn 't recognized ( HER OWN PHONE NUMBER ) caller I . D , so when she picked up , she said , " Who is this ! " Then , her cell phone quit and she couldn 't figure out why . She needed a new battery , but her phone is so old that the battery place can 't find one that will work . So - - today she told me , her daughter is going to get her a Smart Phone and she can make calls and she can get her e - mails and play her games on it and everything ! YAY ! ! ! Everything will be all right now - - until the phone doesn 't work like she thinks it should and she will start thinking it is out to get her ( purposefully ) , like she thought about her computer . She honestly thinks that when she turns on her computer and it doesn 't work right - - it is because , " it recognizes me and so it won 't work just to make me frustrated . " Honest ! So - - I am back because today was not boring . It could have been a bit boring , which would have been good , because it turned out to be way to hectic ! Why can 't life just be calm and smooth every day with just enough interest to keep us awake and not so much to cause us stress ? I have been on the new med for 3 days . I take it at night and I do sleep well - - too well - - but , when I wake up in the morning I am groggy . My head and face feels like they are sort of mis - shaped - - kind of like - - - So I jumped into her car and off she went - - cut across the corner of my neighbor 's lawn and narrowly missed the next neighbor 's mail box - - she was driving as usual . She got out on the road in front and immediately got into the LEFT TURN LANE - - because in , oh let 's say , 1 . 5 miles she was going to have to turn left into the hospital parking lot . Down the road we fly - - I am hanging onto the door handle - - - We rush in - - I have never seen her walk that fast in her life ! ! ! We get back to the room Merle is in - - laying there all comfortable in bed , watching " Amish Mafia " and Pearl rushes up to him and says , " You don 't do this to me , Merle ! I have told you and God - - I am going first ! Don 't you dare die on me ! ! " I walk in behind her and he smiles - - I walk over and take his hand and look at him . " You look pretty good to me . Your color is great . " Then I look up at the monitor - - " I can tell you one thing Mister - - you are not having a heart attack ! ! Your oxygen saturation is 100 percent . Your respiration is 18 and your heart rate is 62 beats per minutes . " He was having tachycardia - - arterial fibrillation - - rapid heart beat . Long story short - - he has been having these episodes for about six months . When he went for his annual check - up last month , he didn 't bother to tell the doctor because he felt fine " at the time . " When he had it today , he decided to drive to hospital so they could check it out while it was happening . There was no enzyme in his blood work to point to a heart attack HOWEVER - - it did show that he might have a blood clot in his lung . Off he went for a CAT scan of his lungs - - - Echo cardiogram of his heart . When the doc came in , Pearl demanded they get him something to eat . The doctor said , " You can 't eat while we are doing the tests . " Pearl was pissed . Then , I reminded them of the day last February , when he got up in the morning and got half way down the hallway and dropped to his knees because his heart was beating rapidly and he couldn 't breathe . Neither one of them remembered - - SAY WHAT ? ? ? So , now I have to look it up in my written journal so I can get the date , because , the doc wants to know when this all started . When Pearl heard him say he 'd been having these episodes for quite a while , she slapped him on his arm - - really hard . " Why didn 't you tell me ? " Then she looked at me , " Why wouldn 't he tell me ? Damn men - - all alike . Would rather fall over dead then share that kind of news with their wife ! ! " Do I push in the clutch and the brake when I start it ? Had to think and go through some of the motions . Okay - - first is up and left , second is left and down , third up and right , fourth down and right . Got it ! Now - - where is reverse ? I got it home and never lurched , so - - - I CAN drive a stick shift ! ! The phone was ringing when I walked in the door . My sister . " It rained over night . The ground is easier to dig . Do you want to bury Fred today ? " So - - I loaded Fred into the back seat and the heavy cement angel dog statue . Went potty . Put more water in the cats dish . Grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator . Wrote a note for Pearl . Stopped at her house to leave the note and make sure her cat had food , petted him and off I went . Forty minutes later , I pulled into the cemetery . Chuck and Susan were there , clipping grass from around our family stones . Fred and I spent Christmas Day with Chuck and Susan , two years ago . They went back to Binghamton , NY on December 30th . Fred died New Years day and when I called to tell her , she wanted to turn around and drive back and I told her not too . So - - - after Fred 's marker was in place at the cemetery , two weeks ago , I asked them to pick a day that was convenient for them to bury him . We wanted a day when the ground wouldn 't be dry and hard . Chuck measured Fred 's " casket " and started digging and it was like he was digging in top soil . It wasn 't full of clay and it wasn 't hard to dig . I probably could have done it myself , but I kind of wanted them involved . ( I hope these pictures don 't offend . Remember , this is now my journal , as I can 't write anymore with my arthritic right hand . So I am putting here , thoughts and pictures that I normally would put in my private , paper , written journal . ) Chuck had his hat off and told Fred , " Don 't worry . Michael Waltrip is still racing and the Tigers are doing great this year ! " and then Susan said , " Fred , we all miss you so much . Everyone in our family loved you and we are so happy that you can still be with us - - here in our family 's place of rest . " Then I said , " Thanks for the best seven years of my life , Sweetheart . I love you . " Then we joined hands and said the Lord 's Prayer . Then I said , " I should have brought my French Horn so I could have played Taps . " ( Because you know how irreverent I am ! Then we went back to their place , The Farm , where they are finally getting their new siding put on , had supper and I drove home - - IN THE WORST RAIN STORM EVER ! ! ! AND IT WAS DARK AND I DO NOT DRIVE WELL IN THE DARK AND WITH THE RAIN COMING DOWN CATS AND DOGS - - I sang , " Be not dismayed what ' ere betide , God will take care of you . Beneath His wings of love abide , God will take care of you . God will take care of you , in every way , ore all the day , He will take care of you . God will take care of you . " and he did and I made it and stopped in to see Pearl and Merle DOES NOT have a blood clot in his lung , but they are keeping him a few days for a stress test and observation . YAY ! ! Personally , I think he may need a PaceMaker / Defibrillator , or even a stent , but I did not mention that to Pearl . She is just happier that he isn 't going before her - - - - - - - - - Okay ! It feels so good to me to have Fred buried . To feel that he is finally , really at peace . While , I do not like cremation - - it just creeps me out ! I KNOW - - it is just a body . His soul has already gone to Heaven . But , his physical body is the one I knew and adored and to have him put in a oven . . . . . . . . . . . I remember something the mortician told me when my Mother died . Mortician 's can be weird , you know . I think it goes along with their kind of work . They talk " shop " sometimes when they should say nothing ! ! Anyway he said , " If you opened your Mother 's casket , twenty years from now , she would look just like she looks today . " That was actually very reassuring to me . I 'd go to the cemetery and stand by her grave and know that . . . she still looked beautiful . Of course , on the 20th anniversary of her death , I got a bit nauseous and creeped out , but . . . . . . . . . . . . I just didn 't like the idea of his ashes sitting out on the end table or on my bedroom dresser . It felt almost disrespectful to me . He was not " at rest " . I know a lot of widows who keep their husband 's ashes in a nice urn on the mantle , or have a shrine set up , but . . . . . . . I have always feared , the house burning down or a tornado taking it away . What would be left ? Nothing ! Fred would be " lost " again - - truly lost . So - - - to me it just feels better to know where his remains are and that he is safe from everything . Unless , of course , when the aliens come and do their archaeological research and dig up our graves to see how we took care of our dead and find - - - - - - - - - - - - - Fred and his dog buried together ? Separate containers , but yet together . They may wonder what a strange and weird people we were . An unfinished woman . I figured by now , I 'd know it all - - but it seems everyday , something either changes or something new comes along for me to tackle . I still haven 't figured out who I am or what I want to be . I just know , I am putting one foot in front of the other and going - - ever forward . We managed to get two rainy days in a row . It 's just what the lawn doctor ordered . Everything is green and lush again . It looks like a rain forest outside . . . This apron was made in April ( ? ) . Time is just passing me by it seems with so many appointments and early morning trips to the eye clinic . The second su . . . Well it 's been a little over a month since my last post . Seems to be my pattern now , once a month ! Work has been stressful but that 's nothing new . My cowor . . . My life is not without challenges . Like so many of us , there are many more challenges than I would like . But I sit here today and I look out at the sun s . . . I 'm still working on Ukrainian Easter Eggs . I 'm so happy to be able to make them . I still have difficulty getting a good photo of the eggs , though . . . . My oldest daughter 's father has died . He is not the one who molested the girls , he was just a deadbeat dad . Ever since I left him he had struggled to liv . . . Tis the season you guys . . . . I have not forgotten . . . . Angel Man who keeps me sane all year round . This year I would just like to lick him lol . . . what is w . . . |
Welcome to my family blog . I have been married to Mike for over half of my life . I love my Savior , Jesus . I am a stay - at - home , homeschooling mom to six terrific , interesting children . My 3 oldest were born to me in my younger years , while my 3 youngest were given to me by God in my older years . I am very blessed . ~ Cheri We 've been home almost a week and things are finally getting back to normal . We started off bright and early on Wednesday 9 / 12 . We had to be in the lobby at 6 : 00 a . m . We didn 't sleep too well the night before . Joy was really having difficulties sleeping in her crib . Everything went well on the flight to Hong Kong . We had a long layover there , so we did a bit of shopping and Seth and Jack walked around taking random pictures . I really don 't even want to post about the flight from Hong Kong to Chicago , but I have to for Joy 's sake . It is part of her journey to America . Eva was just horrible . She was tired and grumpy and then she had this new thing called " little sister " . Eva actually had screaming fits numerous times on the plane . I had to take her into the tiny bathroom and just sit with her and let her scream until she was finished . Even in Chicago 's bathrooms she had her screaming fit , plus one on the flight directly home . She was finally happy once we reached the last airport and she was in her carseat . She even giggled at that point . The last stewardess saw Eva smiling and laughing and said , " Now , you 're awake and happy and not crying ? " I just had to share with her that we 've been traveling half way around the world for the last 30 hours . That explained a lot . She seemed sympathetic at that point . I also wanted to share that we had a couple of wonderful flight attendants from Hong Kong to Chicago . One lady tried to get us an extra seat by moving someone around ( it didn 't work ) . Another lady was so kind she brought ( smuggled from business class ) us Chips Ahoys and Twix bars . She could tell I needed a sugar fix . I have to say that both times we flew United , and both times we had wonderful people taking care of us on our flights . Once we arrived in Chicago , Mike 's mom came to visit us at the airport . It was so nice to see her . She brought Joy and Eva cards and gifts . We planned on having a meal , but that didn 't work out . Poor Mike felt horrible . Seth told him it was the airplane food , Seth learned his lesson last year . He was sick by the time we arrived in Chicago . Needless to say , Mike found 5 seats and spread out on them to sleep . I had not slept at all on the plane , but felt fine since there was so much to do with the younger girls . They kept my adrenaline flowing all the way home . Once we arrived home , I bathed the girls and started unpacking . I just couldn 't stand the thought of bags sitting around . That would be enough to keep Heading out of our hotel room bright and early ! Joy looks quite chipper ! Well , this is our last post from China . It is hard to believe that our time here is over . When we arrived , it felt like we had such a long stay here . It is amazing how our lives have changed these last 14 days . We are now a family of 7 . Joy continues to amaze us with her progress and adjusting . She 's now taking about 5 steps at a time and smiles a lot . She 's learning to actually eat her food well . Tonight , she had a pizza crust and ate it all . Eva is still having her stuggles . She shows Joy affection , yet she 's a little rough with her . I don 't think she really knows how to handle it all . I 'm sure in a few weeks , she 'll be doing much better . Today , we had our Consulate ceremony and picked up Joy 's passport with Visa . Joy slept thru it all and Eva slept on the way to the Consulate . Now , if we can just get them in sync for the plane rides home ! All of our flights are currently on schedule and we fly to Hong Kong in the morning , then on to Chicago from there . We won 't get home until late Wednesday night . This evening we ordered Papa John 's and it tasted delicious . We 're all packed and need to finish up a few things in the morning . We 're hoping for a good sleep tonight , but Joy seems to be restless at night . She woke up at 1 : 30 a . m . with her regular screaming fit . Mike put her in bed with him and we all slept in late . Tomorrow , Eva will spend her 2nd birthday in China . It is hard to believe that we received Eva one year ago tomorrow . I would have never dreamed we 'd be back within a year . God is so good and faithful to us . We are so blessed to have our wonderful family . Please pray for our safe travels and that we 'll all rest well and that the girls especially will be content on the long flight home . 0 Mike took the 3 oldest children to church this morning . Seth met a young man there who invited him to a bookstore for fellowship with other young Christians . They meet on Tuesday , the night before we leave , so I doubt Seth will be going . If we had another week left , I 'm sure Mike would have taken him . It would be an interesting experience , I 'm sure . So , other than that , we did the usual . The boys went to the pool while the girls took a nap . Afterward , Judy again took us to the restaurant we previously visited in the city . We ordered the same meal . This time , Joy decided to try the food . She enjoyed the eggplant and sweet potatoes . I 'm so glad she 's trying all of these new foods . She 's experiencing so many new things . After dinner , we took a walk around the streets . Seth went into a restaurant and decided to take pictures of the meal varieties , so , that is the reason for the pictures of " live " dinner . Tonight was bath night . Unless the girls get especially sweaty or dirty , I 'll bathe them every other night . Joy continues to immensely dislike her baths . That is the time that she screams the hardest . But , I did notice that the toy cup swirling around the drain after bath time caught her eye and she stopped crying . So , I think soon , she 'll come to enjoy getting clean . And now it is Saturday evening . To me , our time in China is going by so quickly . I 'm enjoying being in my daughters ' birth country . I know the rest of the family is ready for home . The three oldest are ready to start soccer season , I need to start school with the children and try to adjust Joy and Eva back to our schedule . I think the first week will be tough . This morning we met our guide in the lobby at 9 : 30 a . m . to walk to the medical exam office . I finally met the other 2 families in our travel group , Tracy and Kathy . It was so nice to finally see the faces that I 've been chatting with these last couple of months . First we stopped and had Joy 's visa photo taken , then we went next door to the doctor 's offices . It was busy , and we had to wait a bit . First Joy was examined by the ENT area . She can hear and her nose and throat looked fine . We were in and out of that area in less than a minute . Afterward , we went to the physical exam area . The doctor looked Joy over and discussed her hand with another physician . Then we were off to the weight and measuring area . At 16 months old , Joy weighed in at 16 . 6 pounds . I had figured that Joy would weigh about what Eva weighed at 12 months , 15 . 5 pounds . So , I was just a pound off . Joy just doesn 't have the appetite that Eva has . After returning to the hotel , I had to meet our guide to do some paperwork for the U . S . Consulate . It took about an hour . I have not been feeling well for the last couple of days . Actually , I 've felt ill , so I was happy to stay in our room all day . I tried to rest along with the girls , but my stomach wouldn 't allow me . I had not eaten except for some breakfast , so I did venture out with the family to the Pizza Hut . I figured the whole time we 're here , it has been local food . The Pizza Hut was for Jack . I did manage to eat a couple of pieces and I still feel fine as I type . Jordan awoke this morning with a sore throat . I pray that she doesn 't share it with the rest of us . I cannot imagine being sick on the trip home . Or worse , any of the other children . Joy is doing a few new things . She 's enjoying copying us if we clap or click our tongue . She doesn 't really crawl anymore , she gets around on her feet and hands . She can lift herself up to a standing position . Yesterday , she actually took a few steps by herself . She 's still very wobbly , but adventuresome . Her posture is horrible . I think she lacks muscle tone . Eva was the same way . We had to work on sitting straight . I 've noticed little things that Eva does with Joy . She 's starting to do the " baby " things that Joy does . It is hard for Eva to understand Joy coming into our lives , but I think she 's doing great . Dinner ? Nothing new to report . We are continuing to see so much progress in Joy . It is hard to believe that a week ago , I was so distraught over Joy 's condition and behavior . God is so good to us . On Thursday , we decided to go to the Friendship Store . Now , I had no idea what it was , but I thought it sounded nice and quaint . Well , we were all disappointed to find a large , overpriced mall at the end of our taxi ride . Everyone knows that I 'm not a shopper . I think we walked around briefly , then just started walking away from the mall . It was an interesting area . We kept walking and I noticed that we started seeing less taxis and the streets started getting narrower . I have to admit I got a little nervous and said a short prayer for a taxi to come along . Sure enough , God heard another cry for help , and we made it back to our hotel . Later that night , our guide took us for Dim Sum at the park . It was very nice , but too much fried food . Today Joy decided 5 : 00 a . m . was a good time to wake up . I had not slept too well and I was feeling light - headed . Joy played quietly on the bed for a bit , took about 6 ounces of formula and fell asleep on my pillow until about 7 : 30 . I really didn 't want to get up at all , but Joy really needs to eat some solid food . She eats congee and bananas for breakfast . Joy seems to like that pretty much . Eva loved congee and watermelon . Actually , Eva has really been enjoying her large breakfast here . Joy doesn 't have the love for food like Eva does . She probably only takes 3 bottles a day , each bottle being only 4 - 6 ounces . For lunch she does eat rice cereal and really loves that . After dinner tonight , we ran into another couple from our group that just arrived at the hotel with their little boy . We head for our medicals in the morning . I 'm curious how much our little squirt weighs . She seems so tiny . Smaller than Eva , but maybe I 've just forgotten how tiny she was last year . I think at her medical in Guangzhou last year , Eva weighed 15 . 5 pounds . She probably put a pound or two on the 9 days prior to the medical . Another day of waiting . We should receive Joy 's passport on Friday . Until then , we do whatever we want . Today we decided to go to the park . The Americans call it Five Rams Park . It is very large and in the city of Guangzhou . It is very beautiful . We could have spent more time there if the children were not hungry for lunch . As it was , we were there until 1 : 30 or 2 : 00 . When we first entered the park , a crowd of people gathered around us . Only one man spoke English and everyone was asking questions about Joy and Eva . Then they talked about Jordan , Seth , and Jack . They said how " lucky " Joy and Eva were . Everyone was so nice . One older lady said that when the girls go back to the U . S . and drink our water , they 'll start looking like us . I wonder how they came up with that ? Joy just looked and listened . She was very still and quiet . Soon , she fell asleep in the stroller . Eva looked like she was terrified with all eyes upon her . Lately , she seems to more shy . Maybe she 's just overwhelmed with everything . We continued walking through the park . I have to say just how beautiful it is . It is hard to believe such a beautiful place is right in the middle of the city . You can actually hear the traffic in some places . There were also children 's rides in the amusement area , very similar to the one in Nanchang . They were for younger children , but my older children needed the " amusement " . Even Eva enjoyed the carousel and umbrella ride . Tonight , we had another dinner at the Thai restaurant , Cow and Bridge . For Jack , it is bearable . He managed to eat enough food to keep him alive , somehow . He seems to have an upset stomach tonight . We did a little more shopping at a few shops , and headed back to the room for baths . It was another very warm day in Guangzhou . At least we didn 't get caught in a rainstorm . We 'll be leaving in a week . Time is flying by for me . I know I 'll be sad to leave China again . Last year , I knew I wanted to adopt again , and felt that we 'd be back . But , I 'm not so sure about this time . It has been such a wonderful experience and we love Eva and Joy so much . They 've added so much to our lives . Joy continues to thrive with our family . She 's gotten to be quite the handful . She has a temper and throws herself back when she 's mad . There seems to be only a couple of things that gets her that angry : having a toy taken away and having a bath . She also fusses terribly when she 's tired and seems to be happy to be put in her crib . I 'm not sure how that will work out for the plane ride home . Please pray things go well for her . Another day in Guangzhou . There really isn 't a whole lot to do as we wait to complete this adoption . After breakfast , we took a taxi to the Toy Market . Well , it was 6 stories tall , but it wasn 't even half toys . We did get a few things , but I was misled by the name . Seth ended up getting a wave board for a third of the price in the states . Jack got a nice soccer ball ; the second one since we got here . Seth brought his soccer ball , so that makes 3 soccer balls in the hotel room . It gets kind of crazy around here with all of the balls . For dinner we went to a Shanghai type restaurant here on the island . We went without a guide , but it was fun . The food was good . Jordan said it was the best so far . While we were there , it started raining very hard . You guessed it , no umbrellas . After trying to hail a taxi , Mike and Seth ran back to the hotel to get a taxi to come pick us up . It was raining so hard that we couldn 't make it back to the hotel with the girls and 2 strollers . Joy is improving daily , and she fits into our family perfectly . She 's starting to enjoy food and trying new things . Physically , she 's still quite behind , but I can already see how much she 's accomplished in the last week . I spoke with a lady yesterday , who had been to Joy 's orphange last year . She said that she felt sorry for the children there because even though the nannies were nice , there was not love for the children ; it was just their job . She also said that there were no toys to stimulate the children and that during the 6 hours she was there , the babies were not taken out of the crib . She stated that she doubted Joy was ever taken out of her crib . It makes me so sad for the children that are still there . I hope their families come get them soon . Sorry , no pictures today . Seth , Jack , Eva , Joy , and I stayed at the hotel this morning while Jordan and Mike went shopping for pearls . They had a great time . The children and I went to the pool . Joy likes the pool , but not the bathtub . We got caught in the rain , but the boys continued swimming . I stayed in the locker area and talk with an Australian couple who just adopted a little girl . Last night , we went to another nice dinner with our guide , Judy . She does a great job and we really enjoy her company . Unfortunately , the camera was at the room during this time . They served us a plate of chicken feet . Words do not do it justice . I couldn 't bring myself to try them . The boys did . Jack generally will eat chicken down to the bone , but he didn 't care for the feet . Seth also tried them . He said they were " leathery " , but didn 't taste badly . Afterward , we went to buy tea . It is very neat how they do it all . You are seated in front of a lady and we tell her what kind of tea we want to try . She serves them all to us in tiny teacups and we tell her which ones we want to buy . The ginseng tea was excellent , and I bought some more jasmine tea . I could easily switch from coffee to tea if I lived here . Good tea is so much more easily accessible and inexpensive here . Joy is still continuing to blossom with love and care . Now she smiles easily and she 'll hold our hands and walk around the room . Joy is definitely more aggressive than Eva , and she can get really loud in her jabbering . I just love her so much ! Today was another step in Joy 's attachment . Last night , she continued to bang her head on the bed ; she slept restlessly and so did I . But , she seems to be increasingly enjoying our presence . Joy is consuming more food now that she 's more comfortable with us . She still doesn 't have the need to eat by the clock . She 'll go for quite a bit , refusing a bottle even after the 4 - hour period . I 've wasted quite a few bottles on her . This morning , Mike went to church here on the island . He went to the Chinese service out of curiousity at 9 : 00 a . m . Then he also attended the English service at 11 : 00 . He said it was nice . The word of God was preached in this service and the church was full with more people standing outside . The majority of the people had Bibles and were younger . This evening , our guide , Judy , took us off the island to a typical local restaurant . We told her we wanted to eat real Chinese food . We also explained to her that we did not want to eat anything " wild " . By that , she knew that we 'd not eat domestic animals , snakes , weird sea life or animal parts . We ended up with a wonderful meal , of veggies , beef , noodles , lamb . Believe it or not , no rice . Apparently , this restaurant is known for their certain type of rice / sweet potato noodles . Very yummy . This afternoon , we purchased a few more dresses for Eva and Joy . They are so inexpensive here , I can 't help but buy the cute summer dresses . There are not many fall / winter dresses because the weather here is mostly warm year round . Tomorrow , Mike and Jordan are going to the pearl market for our huge purchase . I 'm sure I 'll be spending time at the pool with the boys , Eva , and Joy . They all keep me busy . Jordan has been such a tremendous help to me . She does a lot with Eva . Both Seth and Jack also help keep an eye on Eva and Joy if I 'm preoccupied . It is good to have them all here . Today has been a good day . Joy is showing remarkable improvement . She 's smiling more freely with everyone . She was even saying mamamamama . She actually interacted and babbled with Eva today . I stood her up against the bed and she stood for quite some time , albeit unsteady . This afternoon she put cheerios in her mouth by herself . She still doesn 't eat very much , but at least she is eating . She even curiously watched me eat an ice cream cone today . I offered her some , but she turned away . She enjoys watching me try to blow bubbles with my gum . When she thinks I 'm going to blow a bubble , she makes the " kissy lips face " . I 'll try to get a picture of it . So funny . Joy still does the head banging in bed at night , but not too often . Last night , just a couple of times . I 've noticed that she 's rocking less , also . I don 't think she 's rocked at all today . She still likes to pull her dress to her lips , though , like Eva would cover her face with her forearm . After breakfast , we all headed to the walking street to do some shopping . We didn 't really find anything we wanted , but it was an interesting place . They have a large screen outside like Times Square in NYC . After returning to our hotel , Mike and Jordan headed out to another walking street . They like to venture out on their own . Seth had a terrible headache , so he stayed in the room with the girls and me . Jordan , Eva , Jack , Joy , and I headed out to buy ourselves some cabbage for dinner tonight ( Jordan and I love the cooked cabbage at Cow and Bridge ) . On the way , a lady was pointed to Joy in the stroller , saying , " no , no " . I looked and Joy had her whole left hand ( the smaller one ) all the way in her mouth . She was gagging and threw up all over herself . She continued to do it , laughing the whole time . I had to go back to the room and give Joy a bath , which she hates . She ended up screaming the whole time . Tomorrow , Mike may venture out to the local Christian church with the older children . We don 't have anything else planned for the day . We 're enjoying our stay here in Guangzhou very much , but it is hard on Seth and Jack being in one place for so long . They like adventure and new things . I know they will be ready to leave soon . One more thing I noticed about Joy ; her eyelashes are about 1 / 2 inch long . I 've never seen eyelashes so long in my life . They are just beautiful . Walking Street , very muggy . Today was a good day . Joy woke up without crying . She slept well , and I only heard her bang her head on the crib a few times . She also seems to be getting over her terrible cold . I 'm sure that cold contributed to her crying a lot . Slowly , she 's interacting with all of us . She 's smiling more often and seems to be much more content and at peace with us . Her appetite has picked up . She usually has about 5 - 6 ounces of formula with some rice cereal mixed in . For breakfast she ate a little more congee and a few bites of banana . She still doesn 't eat enough food , so I 'm sure she 'll be on the bottle for a while . Physically , she 's probably at about 9 months old . Mentally and emotionally , about 6 months . She 's already been exposed to so many things that she 's never experienced . At dinner , I give her some food to eat and she feels it and tries to put it in her mouth . That alone is an accomplishment . Just a couple of days ago , she didn 't know what to do with food when I put it in her mouth . She loves to be outside . Tonight we were out a bit , and she was very well behaved . There is so many things new to her . I 'm so happy for her ; that she has a new opportunity in life , an opportunity that she probably would never have if she stayed in the orphanage . Today we went to Baiyun Mountain . It is a beautiful mountain with wonderful gardens and a path all the way up . Because of our family size , we had to take 2 taxis . All of the girls with our guide were in one taxi , and Mike and the boys in the other . Mike left before us , but we got there before him . When they pulled up , Seth looked green . Apparently , the heat , cigarette smell , and lurching in traffic caused him to lose his breakfast on the floor of the backseat of the taxi . Mike felt badly for the driver and gave him some extra money . We found out later , that Mike 's taxi fare was much more than ours . Maybe the driver took the long way ? No wonder Seth got sick . We rode an open seated vehicle to the top of the mountain , walked around a bit , then took the tram down the mountain . All the pics off the tram are compliments of Seth . I have to post a funny episode that happened the other day . We went to a walmart type store . When we got out of the taxi the girls each got in their own stroller . Jack wanted to push Eva . We were in a hurry to get out of the way and Eva wasn 't buckled in . Jack was moving fairly quickly to get onto the sidewalk . Sure enough ( I saw it coming ) Jack rammed the stroller into the curb of the sidewalk . Eva flew out of the stroller and slapped the ground with her hands and fell flat on her belly . After making sure she was fine , I couldn 't help but chuckle about it all because it was such a funny site . Jack looked completely shocked at what had just happend and didn 't want to push her anymore . Poor guy . Tomorrow we 're planning on heading into the city to the walking street . I hope things go well with the girls and it will be less than 100 degrees out . Yes , the heat index was over 100 today . It is very smothering . Can you believe that I didn 't know what day of the week it was ? I had to figure it out by my posts . I 'm a bit scatter - brained lately . So , we 've had Joy for 2 full days now . She slept peacefully last night . No headbanging or coughing . I started her on an antibiotic and gave her motrin at bedtime . When she woke up , she cried . I was hoping for a good start to the day , with some smiles . It didn 't happen . She has finally started taking a bottle with cereal for me . Even at breakfast she ate tiny spoonfuls of congee and watermelon . It is definitely not enough to fill her tummy . Late morning , we went to the pool . The boys needed to burn off some energy , and I wanted to expose Joy to as much as possible . She seemed to like the pool after the initial shock of it all . We only sat on the steps . She hated the sun in her face , just like Eva did . She christened the swim diaper that I bought for Eva . I doubt the stains will come out . After her lunchtime bottle , she ate 1 / 4 of a banana and about 20 cheerios . I was so excited . It is very hard to get a smile out of her . She 's so serious all of the time . After lunch , she interacted very well with all of us . She stroked Seth 's face . She even wacked Eva in the head with a toy a couple of times . Jordan got her to chuckle briefly . I think she tickled her tummy . I 'm just loving her the best I can to let her know how much we care for her . She seems to really enjoy being held and cuddled up to our chests . It seems to be the preferred position . After a short nap , Mike , Eva , Joy , and I , went to the passport office to apply for Joy 's passport . For the next week , I think , we 've nothing but time on our hands . I think we 'll go to White Cloud Mountain tomorrow . The boys are going stir crazy , and I am too . We finally made it out to dinner tonight , near the hotel . It was nice , but expensive . I guess it is expensive anywhere with the whole family . Dining just isn 't as fun here in Guangzhou as it was in Nanchang last year . Some things I 've discovered about Joy : she has only 4 teeth , terribly dry , rough skin , she has many bruises on her , which is quite concerning to us . Tonight at dinner , I saw a naughty streak in Joy . She was swinging a toy around , dangerously , so I told her no and held it down . When I removed my hand , she did it again , so I took the toy away . Then the screaming started . She was mad . She doesn 't like things being taken away from her , especially if it is not replaced with something else . Lots of training is in store for this little girl . I think more than what Eva has needed . This morning , she was playing with stacking cups . She ended up carrying the smallest red one down to breakfast at around 8 : 00 . She held that cup all through breakfast , while in our room for a bit , while I changed her clothes , and the whole time we were at the pool . Total time : at least 4 hours . The mother bear in me has emerged . I knew it was coming in regards to Joy 's hand ; I just didn 't know when . Her hand is not a pretty site . It is something you have to get used to . I know it is only natural to want to look at it and want to know about it . Two times , people have looked at her hand ; one with a look of disgust , and another straining his head to get a closer look . I find myself carrying her in a way that people cannot see her hand . People can be cruel and a mother 's heart only wants to shield her from all the hurts that will come her way . Even Jack saw Joy 's hand yesterday and exclaimed , " Mom ! Look at Joy 's hand ! " It was like all of a sudden , he noticed it was not normal looking . I guess he forgot that she 's not " perfect " . Joy has no problem using her hand . She was actually holding that tiny foam elephant in the left hand . She passes a toy from one hand to another and even picked up rice with her hands . Currently , it doesn 't hinder her . Jordan pointed out , that she won 't be able to play the violin , flute , or clarinet . But , I 'm sure , if she 's persistent , nothing will hold her back . She just needs opportunity . Seth and Mike are in the hotel gym . He 'll do the posting when he returns . I got a couple of good pictures of Joy today . Again , thanks for your prayers . Please continue praying for us and Joy . She has a long road ahead of her . Wow , what a day ! I didn 't sleep well last night . Joy coughed most of the night , or rather gagged on her congestion . It was rough on both of us . I also discovered that she 's banging her head on the crib . She also throws her left arm over her mouth and puts the sleeve to her lips . She doesn 't suck , but likes to have it right at her lips . She was doing the same thing to my shirt . Joy did not eat anything for me until after being with me for about 20 hours . She wouldn 't eat anything at breakfast either . She sucked on a couple pieces of watermelon , but that is it . I really don 't think she has had any solid foods because when I put food in her mouth , she reacts like a baby trying food for the first time . She pushes it out with her tongue . She 'll turn 16 months just before we return home . It is hard to believe she 's not eaten food . Today , we finalized the adoption of Joy . It didn 't take too long , but it was hot . Afterwards we headed to a walmart type store and bought a few things to keep in our rooms . The place was jammed packed . I didn 't realize that 8 million people live in Guangzhou . When we finally arrived back at our hotel , I prayed Joy would take a bottle . She did , but only about 3 - 4 ounces of formula with cereal . That was about noon . She took a nice nap , then didn 't eat again until about 6 - 7 : 00 p . m . Joy is going to lose weight if she doesn 't start eating better . I 'm thinking her throat hurts . Whenever she coughs , she will cry / whimper . After being in the hotel all afternoon , we headed out to walk around . Eva and Joy were in their strollers . Seth and Jack took a soccer ball . I bought the girls a couple of really cute summer dresses and shoes . I didn 't intend on doing any shopping , but couldn 't resist that cute dress in the window . On the way back , Jack started playing soccer with " Jordon 's " son . Jordon has a shop near the White Swan . The 2 boys enjoyed kicking the ball together . We didn 't feel like going anywhere for dinner , so we ended up ordering out . I don 't think Joy could sit in a restaurant for too long at this point . She 's really miserable with her sickness and her emotions right now . Please pray for Joy . Right now , she 's just not a happy girl . Every now and then I see a hint of a playful girl . It is so quick that I wonder if it is my imagination . One thing I forgot to mention was Joy 's abilities . Well , she 's almost 16 months . She can sit up for a bit before slumping over . She has little muscle tone . We did stand her up against the bed and she 'll stand for a bit . She 's not walking and I 've not seen her crawl . So , basically , she 's like an infant . She 's super tiny . Joy is wearing 6 - 9 month clothes and some 6 - 12 month clothes . She 's just as tiny , if not smaller , than Eva was last year . Pictures will come shortly . Mike and the boys are down at the pool . I can 't load anything onto Mike 's laptop . I leave that to him . I 'm sure he 'll ge0 This morning , Eva woke me up at 5 : 00 a . m . I figured this would happen as she slept on the plane from Hong Kong to Guangzhou . I felt refreshed even after going to bed after midnight . So , we cuddled , got up , dressed and headed down for breakfast , Eva 's favorite part of the trip . We all ate well , then walked around the streets for a bit . It is extremely hot here . I was hoping it would have been a little cooler . By 10 : 00 a . m . I headed back to the room to cool off . Eva played for a bit , then she napped almost 3 hours . We met our guide in the lobby at 4 : 00 to head to the civil affairs office to get Joy . Fortunately , we were the only family there . After the proper paperwork , the Director brought Joy in . She looked completely different from those pictures . I still see a hint of her , but she looks thinner . Joy was dressed in a new short outfift and socks . She looked adorable and smelled like she was just powdered or bathed . She didn 't appear dirty at all , but her hair and skin is very dry . I immediately reached for her . She didn 't reach for me , but I took her into my arms . She seemed to be just fine and content to be there . In her tiny left hand , she held a blue , foam elephant . It was firmly in her grip ; so cute . I loved on her , then passed her around to the rest of the family . She was very serious the whole time . We did some more paperwork , while the children entertained her . Eva seemed happy to see Joy , but the excitement wore off soon enough and she wanted her cup . Seth got a couple of smiles out of her by swinging her up in the air . That 's a boy for you ! We got back to the room and I tried giving Joy a bottle . She 's refused it all evening long . I 'm hoping she 'll eat something in the morning . The director stated that she takes 5 bottles a day . I tried putting 1 / 4 of a Cheerio in her mouth . She makes a face and tries to spit it out . Eva doesn 't understand why she 's refusing a bottle and food ! After some time of playing and holding , we walked to the pool with Jordan , Eva , and Jack . Joy seems to enjoy being outside and is very happy . We got back in the room and she had a few whimpers . She also has been consoling herself by rocking back and forth . At one point , she completely folded herself in half and lay her head on the toys . It is so sad to see her confused . I ended up giving Joy a quick bath . She liked everything but the washing part and boy did she scream very loud . But , after I wrapped her in a towel and cuddled her , she calmed down . She 's very tiny for 15 months old . I don 't know her weight yet , but I 'm guessing around 16 pounds . I put the 12 month sleeper on her and it was a bit big . She has a tiny bottom like Eva 's . She also has those Mongolian Spots on her bottom . I took off her socks to see those cute piggies , and boy are they big ! Her foot is wider than Eva 's , but shorter . She had 2 extremely long nails that I attempted to cut , and Joy started screaming . She seems to be attached to items . She 'll hold a toy in her hand and not let go of it for quite some time . She had the lion in her hand for about 45 minutes while we were at the pool . I did notice some playfulness in her . When Eva was sitting next to us , Joy swung the lion to hit Eva . Hopefully , soon , we 'll see more of her personality . We 're all tired . We have to meet at the lobby at 9 : 00 tomorrow to complete the adoption , then off to the store to buy a couple of things for lunch in our room . En " joy " the pictures . Wow ! This has been a very long trip . We were up at 5 : 30 a . m . on Sunday morning and arrived in Guangzhou on Monday night at 9 : 30 p . m . The travel went very smoothly with no delays or problems . I had forgotten how long the trip from Chicago to Hong Kong really is . I think it is just like childbirth ; you forget the pain of " labor " after you have your child in your arms . But , while you are in the midst of the pain , you wonder why you are going through it all . The children did very well . We had great seats . We purchased tickets , but really got 7 seats because the lady next to Jordan , moved to another seat . So , there were times that we had 3 seats to actually lay down in . Jack probably slept the most , 3 hours . Eva fell asleep at lunch time right after leaving Chicago . She slept for about an hour . She went from one thing to another : books , coloring , snacking , toys , meals . Of the 15 . 5 hour flight , Eva had her first breakdown 2 hours before landing . She was upset because Jack sat in her seat . Oh well ! She 's a great traveler . Upon arriving in Guangzhou , we found out that we don 't get that day of rest before receiving Joy . So , she 'll be in our lives on the 28th instead of the 29th . We 're all excited and are all set for her . Please pray for her transition . Mom , Eva , and a happy traveler ? |
This is an inspirational blog . I believe that God is involved in the everyday events of our lives , no matter how seemingly small . Sometimes He allows us to catch glimpses of what He 's been doing all along . Joel on his fourth birthday I 've always loved October best of all . As a kid , I would rake up the leaves from the large maple that sat in the corner of our yard and throw them over the bank into the empty canal by our house . Then a few of us would hike through the neighborhood , rakes in hand , asking neighbors if we could gather up theirs as well . When we felt that we had enough , lining up one by one , we would jump into the wonderful piles of reds and yellows and oranges just a few feet below us , making twists and turns as we went , much like swimmers jumping into a pool . The earthy smell of leaves and the sound and feel of them crackling beneath my feet stirs up such wonderful memories for me still . It was and continues to be my favorite time of the year . Therefore , when Angela my first daughter was born , it seemed somehow fitting that she should come in October . She arrived during the second week , just a few days after my birthday . The Pennsylvania trees were ablaze against the cloudless sky the day we drove home from the hospital with her , so Larry took the back way from Towanda to North Rome through the Endless Mountains with glorious vistas all the way . Two years later , waiting just long enough for October to roll around again , Joel showed up on the first day of the month . Fawn made her entrance three years later and Autumn , appropriately named , came four years after that . And yes , they both made their appearances in October . What used to be the most harried time of the year for me begins tomorrow . My only son turns thirty - two . A few days ago a card with a check enclosed went out , not terribly personal I know , but he could use the money . This will be the more personal gift to him , my words , which will come slowly and deliberately , because that 's simply how I write . I hope that he will value and treasure them more than anything monetary I could give . He likes words , especially when they 're written down , and he often expresses his own thoughts that way as well , but mostly in poetry . Dear Joel : A guy who writes poetry has to be pretty sensitive , but with that comes a certain vulnerability as well . I remember the time you wrote something for a girl you liked in high school . If I remember right , she returned it and told you she thought it was stupid . Ouch . That must have hurt . But that tender spirit has been with you since you were a young boy . Do you remember packing up most of your toys while we were living in Honduras and carrying them down the street to Victor and his younger brothers and sisters ? After all , you figured they didn 't have much , so why not give what you had . And the year we were living in Pulaski , you went with the youth group to help out at a soup kitchen in Syracuse . You were so touched by the need that you dropped all the money you 'd saved towards Christmas and put it in the offering bucket . After our move to Alabama , you reached out to those on the fringe , the misunderstood , the troubled . You even brought some of them home with you , a few of whom are still in your life . I saw how you were down in the Bayou after Katrina hit , working in the relief effort . I think it was then your father and I knew without a doubt that this is what you were made for , to serve . This has been a hard year for you , one of the worst . I know there have been times when you didn 't think you could survive it , didn 't know if you wanted to . But you have . You 've persevered , and with so many encouraging you , loving you and praying for you , you have made it this far . Now it 's your birthday . All is new , and there is no better time to reflect on and prepare for what 's ahead . It won 't all be easy , but it will be good if you trust your Creator to work out the details . I want to remind you of something you wrote during the darkest of days : The italics are mine , but the words are yours . Open your eyes , listen with your ears and welcome the opportunities that your Heavenly Father brings your way . Utilize the many gifts that He has given you , and begin to serve the " least of these . " Only you will know what that means . Live each day in anticipation , and look forward to your tomorrows with expectancy . And He will begin to show you what it is that you 've been created for . With the Windows Down by Joel Burke I 'm really struggling with this patience thing lately . I 've got a couple people in my life who are really getting under my skin , stretching me to the max . I have already written about Marva and the challenges she brought to my life . ( You can check it out on my blog posted March 11 . ) I need to continue her story , however , because even though God had changed my heart towards her , He was continuing to process the fruit of patience in my life through her . That took some time . Here are some excerpts from my journal during our final few months in Honduras : March 4 , 1993 Marva called out to me as I passed her home this afternoon . " Wait Miss Marcia , " she called . " You 've got to see my little girl ! " She carefully , lovingly pulled an 8 by 10 glossy out of the folder she was holding and beamed as I admired the pretty teenager posing with her escort at a formal dance . " That 's my pretty black baby , Miss Marcia . She 's growing so much . What do you think of my Cindy , Miss Marcia ? " Cindy , the one person in Marva 's life that gives her pride and determination to live another day . In the hell of her unhappy life , there is Cindy . What does it matter that she 's not seen her for seven years . Or that she lives in a different world , so far away from her mother . She simply is . She is the one thing that Marva has done right in her life . Marva tried to reach her daughter in New Orleans again . She has phoned collect four times in the past week , and every time the person on the other end says that she is not there . I feel sorry for Marva . She knows that they 're probably lying . She didn 't leave right away . I ended up pulling out photo albums and showing her pictures of our families back home . And then right before she left she asked me , " Just a little favor . " She pulled out a plastic bottle , and I thought for sure she was going to beg some more Vaseline . But not this time . " Could I have just a little peanut butter ? " she asks . I would rather spare my Vaseline ! Peanut butter is this family 's most precious commodity and I told her so . But I pulled out my last jar and dished out a few tablespoons into her container . Fawn had been standing there observing everything when suddenly Marva orders her out of the kitchen . " Leave and don 't be looking at me ! " she says . " I was raised as a little girl not to be hanging around the adults when they were having a conversation . " I couldn 't believe what I was hearing . No one was going to speak to my child like that in her own home . I looked Marva directly in the face and told her that I was appalled . Unless the conversation was a private one , Fawn had every right in the world to be in the kitchen . " You misunderstand me , " she kept saying . " Oh , Miss Marcia . You are " wexed " with me , aren 't you ? " Pleased down be " wexed " with me . I 'm just ashamed to have to ask for the peanut butter . " I responded that I was not vexed with her , but that if she was too embarrassed to have to ask me for the peanut butter , and if she couldn 't ask for it in the front of my daughter , then she shouldn 't have asked for it in the first place . That woman ! She makes me so impatient and angry at times . Marva was back to use the phone this morning . Fortunately , it was just a local call to be made . Afterwards it was , " Miss Marcia , could I just be asking a little something . Just a little skin cream is all I be asking . " So I gave her some Vaseline Intensive Care and sent her on her way . Marva came to use the phone , but I think she 's lonely more than anything . She always stalls and wants to talk . And if she can manage it somehow , she gets something out of me . Today she asked me for the leftover egg salad that she saw in the dog dish . " Could you let me have that , Miss Marcia ? " she says . At first I thought I had misunderstood . Food out of a dog dish ? She was serious . " Marva , that 's there for the dog . He 's already eaten a bit and it has dog food mixed in with it . " " It doesn 't matter . " Marva had nothing in the house to eat . Her Mr . Albert would be bringing her something at the end of the day she assured me . But in the meantime , she was hungry . So I gave her half a loaf of bread . I told Marva this afternoon that we were leaving this summer . At first she misunderstood . She thought I was speaking of vacation , but I explained that there was a good possibility that we would not be returning to Honduras and that someone else would be living in this house . At first she didn 't say a word . Then the tears started down her cheeks and she began to rock back and forth . Finally she said , " Oh Miss Marcia , nothing good ever lasts . " She started talking about all the hurts and disappointments in her life . Her mother had lavished her with gifts sent from the States when she was young . Even as a teenager , her mother sent her beautiful dresses from California . " I was dressed the best of anyone in the whole Panayoti Store , " she said . " I had my teeth and I was an aristocrat . Some day you 'll see Miss Marcia . I 'll have my new teeth and wear shoes and pretty dresses again . You 'll see . " And then she paused . " Nothing good ever lasts . " I lost it with Marva today . She came over this morning to say that she was on her way to the emergency room . She has a tremendous amount of pain in her back and sides and wasn 't able to sleep all night . It sounds like a possible kidney infection . She had stopped by to see if someone were going to town and might be able to drop her off at the hospital , but since our car was in the shop this morning , that was impossible . I admit that I get tired of seeing her everyday , and sometimes it is so difficult to get rid of her . I kept trying to get her out the door telling her that the sooner she was at the hospital , the less time she would have to wait for admittance . But she just didn 't seem to be in any great hurry . She told me that Mr . Albert had given her money for the emergency room . Good ! But she needed a little more to take a taxi . So that was it . " Marva , " I spoke not too kindly . " Why can you never come here without asking me for something ? " And I pulled some change out of my purse and handed it to her . But she refused to take it . The look of shock on her face surprised me . I didn 't think that what I had said would affect her . Then she began to cry . " No , I don 't want the money . Oh , Mr . Albert was right . He told me that I shouldn 't be asking you for things . I feel so bad , I feel so bad . " And then I felt bad ! It 's not her fault that she 's sick . I hurt her very deeply by what I said . I could have just said no and left it at that . It took her several minutes to calm down and for the tears to stop . I apologized repeatedly for what I had said , and as it turned out , she did finally take the money . Humanly speaking , I suppose I was justified in what I said to her . But in the spiritual realm , I was unkind and insensitive . My past experiences with Marva have shown me that she is quick to forget when I have been rude or abrupt with her . Hopefully , this time will be no exception . Marva did come back yesterday afternoon to let me known that she just had a small infection . I guess I 'm forgiven . Clark and Linda Huffer , good friends from Topeka , Kansas have come to work and be with us for a week . She brought us several jars of peanut butter . I took one to Marva , partially because I know she loves peanut butter , and also to let her known that I truly am her friend . Marva was here three times today . Larry should never have told her that his father is ill . Besides wanting to use the phone now , she has to make at least one trip a day just to ask about how he 's doing and to assure us that she 's " always remembering him in her sweet prayers . " I don 't want to think right now . I don 't want any demands put on me . Marva was ready to kill both her neighbor and Mr . Albert last night . She had a crowbar read , stowed underneath her porch . But it 's as if she knows I can talk her out of her anger . So she came looking for me , seething with rage . I walked to her home and found her almost irrational . She was so angry , pacing back and forth , unable to stand still . I never did fully understand why she had murder in mind , but " her enemy " had blatantly insulted her , and Mr . Albert did not come to her defense . So she was going to do them both in . Emotionally , I was exhausted . I didn 't feel like talking her out of killing her neighbor and Mr . Albert . I don 't think I even prayed for wisdom this time . Finally , when she decided to take a breath I said , " So you 'll be just like them , Marva . " And I said the same thing three times . " Jesus could have have lashed out at those who hurt him , Marva . He 's God . He could have destroyed them . But he didn 't do a thing . You 'll be just like them , Marva . Just like them . " She was at my house early this morning . " Oh Miss Marcia . Thank you so much for keeping me from killing my neighbor and Mr . Albert . I just got the news that my brother is here ! He 's coming to see me today , and if you could lend me four lempiras to get a cab to buy some different clothes so I could be seeing him looking all nice , Miss Marcia ! " Well , at least for today Marva is thinking about other things . For today , she 's " normal . " And just maybe she 'll not think about killing anyone for a long time . At least not until I am gone from here . Marva showed up at church tonight ! She has said all along that she would be there some evening before we leave . I must admit that I really didn 't believe she 'd come through . But she did , she did . God bless her . Larry and I would see Marva once more when we returned a few years later on a ministry team . On finding out that we were coming , she sent a letter with a list of items that she needed . I still have that letter asking for a blanket , some sheets , a black or brown sweater , a pair of size 12 shoes , some skirts , blouses , a bottle of perfume , some curtains for her front window and two jars of peanut butter . Larry and I packed up what we could between our two suitcases . She was extremely pleased . About six months later we received a letter from the missionaries who had moved into the mission house and had become Marva 's neighbors . It 's postmarked June 6 , 1998 . Here 's a bit of it : Dear friends . . . . We wanted to let you know of the death of Marva , our neighbor . She entered the hospital Atlantida ( government - run , deplorable conditions ) for a month for treatment of a long - term infection in her leg . When she came out , she was having trouble breathing - shortness of breath . Though she received some treatment for her breathing problems , she died waiting for money from her uncle , so she could go to D ' Antoni or Centro de Salud . . . . So much of her life was sad . Your family 's care for her was a source of much encouragement . Her daughter Cindy did not see her before she died though she had been notified of Marva 's illness . Sorry to be the bearer of sad news , but we thought you would want to know of her death . I still think of Marva , especially when the demands of people or ministry begin to wear on me . I recall my sadness at the news , but I also know that I had no regrets where she was concerned . There will always be the Marvas in my life . I just pray the lessons learned during those years will stay with me , and that when I 'm called upon to give up something precious , kind of like that peanut butter , I will do it in a way that pleases my Father . Last week there was some catastrophic flooding going on not too far from here . The county right to the south of us got hit real bad and to our west there are lots of homes and businesses that were under water as well . They 've got some work ahead of them : cleaning up , drying out and then rebuilding . I know . Our family was in the same place once . It was the summer of 1972 and my dad was about to complete an extensive remodeling project on our home . The house was well over a hundred years old when we moved there in 1956 and it needed lots of work . He started by working on the bedrooms upstairs then progressed to the ground floor . He tackled the bathroom first , then went on to the kitchen . I still remember my mom preparing food in the garage where my dad had set up her appliances . I 'm not sure how long she cooked out there , but it was probably for several weeks , especially considering how much had to be done . My father had saved the living room for last , and he was just within days of finishing . The wall paper had been replaced with new wood paneling , and where the linoleum once was , there was now gold - shaded carpet . All it needed was to be secured and the baseboards put in place . What had been started so long ago was almost done . It was Thursday , June 22nd . I was in the dining room playing our old upright piano when I saw my mother walk through with a couple of lamps , heading towards the stairs . We had attended a concert at church earlier that evening but there weren 't many there . It had been raining for several hours , and there was news of some possible flooding . It was still coming down hard when we got home . I got up off the piano bench and started carrying things upstairs , still not quite believing that all this hauling was necessary . I didn 't know it , but that would be the last time I would ever sit on that bench or play that old piano . Within an hour , water from the Allegany began to fill our neighborhood forcing us to make a hasty retreat for our neighbors who lived across the way . They were lucky , they had the wonderful fortune of living on a hill . Hurricane Agnes had hit with a vengeance . After the waters receded and the damage was accessed , it would prove to be the costliest storm up to that time in U . S . history . All I knew was that our little street in Weston 's Mills was a mess . As soon as they were able , the firemen came through and starting at the one end of Chestnut Street , turned their high - powered hoses on and began the task of forcing the several inches of mud out of each home . The piles of water - logged couches , worthless appliances and anything else that couldn 't be salvaged was piled up at the end of each driveway waiting for the trucks to come through and haul it all away . There is a picture somewhere that shows our newly - laid carpet rolled up on top of the piano . It was naturally longer than the old upright and one end is shown hanging over the side . The part that hangs is wet and dirty , the rest is clean and dry . Thanks to my father 's quick thinking and the height of that instrument , the carpet was saved . Not too many days later he hauled it up to a friend 's yard , spread it out and thoroughly cleaned it . Several months later he laid it once again , but this time he tacked it down , securing it firmly into place . He had finally finished the job . The hardest thing to remove from the house was the piano . Naturally it was heavy , the old uprights were never easy to move . But it was more than that . It had a history . It sat in my grandparents ' home for many years , having been purchased by my mother for her youngest brother and sister , both several years her junior . My grandfather was crippled , unable to afford such a luxury . But my mother saw the potential in both of them and somehow knew they needed this . My aunt told me recently that it could easily have been her salvation , keeping her occupied for hours and away from things that could have been potentially harmful . For me , it was the first one I played and loved . Whenever we went to see my grandparents , my favorite thing to do was sit at the piano , at first playing what I could by ear and eventually adding songs from my lesson books . I had been taking lessons for awhile when the piano was moved from the little house in Farmer 's Valley to our place in Weston 's Mills . There was no comparison between the ordinary upright I had been using to the instrument that now sat in the dining room . It had the most wonderful touch and tone , for me it was perfection and an absolute delight to play . And I did , everyday . My sister thinks it was my Uncle Glade who helped my dad push the piano to the end of the driveway . I wasn 't there , but I had touched it for one last time shortly after it was taken out of the house . It 's been almost forty years , and still that moment stands out more than any other . I reached down as if to play a note , and the key broke away beneath my finger . I had expected to hear something come out of it , but there was nothing . No sound , just silence . Later , my mother watched as the piano was wheeled away from the house to the trash pile . The two men had just a few more feet to go when suddenly music came out from deep within the belly of that old worn and weary piano . One last time . And it was at that moment my mother saw my father cry . A few weeks after the flood , my mother asked me to go for a ride with her one evening . We ended up at a home where there was a spinet piano for sale , and she wanted me to try it out . I said it would do , and she wrote out a check for four - hundred dollars that same night . It was the first major thing I remember her replacing for our home , for me . At least I thought so at the time . But maybe it was for all of us . Because in the midst of what must have seemed insurmountable , she knew that we needed the music again . The little spinet sat in the newly remodeled dining room for several years . My sister Dawn has it in her home in Maryland now . It 's fine with me , as I was never particularly attached to it anyways . It fulfilled its purpose . It brought the music back and kept our home filled up with it for a long , long time . As for me , I 've had several pianos since then including a couple spinets , some nice consoles and even a medium grand . But I don 't miss any of them . It 's only that old upright that graced our home until the rising waters silenced its song that still holds my heart . This is my young neighbor Stacy Lowe playing the piano at our house several summers before Hurricane Agnes . There 's a number of food pantries around the Elmira area . It 's understandable , times are hard and it 's nice that churches and such are able to distribute food that would otherwise go to waste . But there are problems . From what I understand , they 're being inundated with people who move from one location to another packing as much food as they can into their containers , taking more than they really need , putting heavy demands on those who are simply trying to help their neighbors . Therefore , several of the food pantries have decided to close as they are simply unable to deal with the sheer quantity of these scavengers . I can 't help but wonder how many of these people are actually motivated by hunger or if it 's just the idea of getting something for nothing . I tend to think it 's the latter . I can 't say that I 've known real hunger . Let 's face it , we as Americans are pretty pampered . No nation on the face of the earth takes care of its people as we do , and I for one am very grateful for the privileges I have because of the stamp on my birth certificate . I 'm certainly not saying that we don 't have hungry people inside our borders , I 'm sure we do . But for the most part , we really don 't have a clue as to what it means to struggle to get something to eat everyday . During our years in Honduras we lived directly across the road from the Caribbean where the ocean breeze was constantly blowing stuff off the street and into our yard . When our co - worker Lydia Hines lived there , she 'd hired an old woman by the name of Maria to sweep around the mission house and rake the yard . After our family moved in , she asked if I 'd mind keeping Maria on as it was the only way she could support herself and her daughter . " Just give her a few lempiras and some beans and rice , " I was told . " She 'll be quite satisfied with that . " That 's how Maria came to work for me , and she showed up faithfully almost every Saturday . As time went by , I found out a few things about the old woman who usually wore the same faded dress and a plain white kerchief over her head . " I wish I knew how old she was . " I once wrote . " She seems so old , but I think it 's her broken teeth and skin that has been exposed to the tropic sun for so long that makes her seem so . I asked her one time . She told me that she was 80 . I laughed and told her that was impossible as she claims to have a daughter that is barely over 20 . I explained that women don 't have children when they 're 60 years old . She looked at me genuinely confused . " Well , then I don 't know how old I am , " she said . Over time I would learn that her husband and son were both dead and that her daughter was crippled , unable to care for herself . Maria was the sole provider , there was no other family . As the months went by I could see her becoming more frail . I wrote this is my journal shortly before we moved away : " Old Maria thanked me profusely after I paid her today and gave her some rice and beans . She asked if possible would I let the next people who live in this house know about her and ask them if she might continue to work here . I assured her I would do what I could . There is a quietness about her that wasn 't there when she first started working for me . I could say that it 's because she 's now a Christian . But I believe that primarily it 's because she 's old , wearing out , and just doesn 't feel well . She shouldn 't have to do this kind of work at her age . She should be collecting Social Security and watching soaps , doting over grandchildren , baking cookies and working crossword puzzles like my grandmother did when she was her age . But old age for Maria and those like her is a curse here . There is no rest for them . " I don 't remember how I first met Antonia . She had most likely come to our gate looking for food , a daily ritual for her . This is how I described her back then : " Antonia is a woman without hope , without dreams . Her children are dirty , their clothes are seldom washed . They never wear shoes . Once a week someone will be at the gate . There is no more to eat . And though they never ask for money , I know why they have come . There is a father . There is talk that he drinks the money he earns chopping fields with his machete . Antonia denies it , defending her " marido " vehemently . She claims that he has an ulcer , at times debilitating him for days . Whatever , they seldom have food . There are six children . David is the oldest at 12 . The youngest is an infant . At one time there were four others . They all died of common ailments . Lack of medical attention killed each of them . One day David came to the gate , and I told him that if in a couple of days he would return , we would like him to show us where he lived . Antonia had a baby girl several days before , and I had not seen her since . I was concerned about how the baby was doing . Two days later he came and Larry , Autumn and I headed several miles out of town towards the pineapple fields . Eventually he told us to turn off into one of the fields , and for several kilometers we drove along the dirt road used by tractors to collect the ripe fruit for export . Eventually the road ended . We stopped the car and followed David down a dirt path which led towards the river . There on a bank overlooking the water we were led into a tiny wooden hut covered with a thatched roof . We were in the home of Antonia , her " marido " and six children . Antonia greeted us with a welcome smile and invited us to sit down on the beds . Larry insisted on standing , but I sat down beside the tiny form of a sleeping newborn . I was amazed at the size of her ! She was so tiny . She had weighed four pounds at birth Antonia informed us , and she was but nine days old . Autumn started at her , not quite believing she was real . Feelings of pity for this child overwhelmed me . And there was regret , regret that we could not take her and give her promises of good things to come . Since that day , we have had continued contact with Antonia . Someone from the family still comes to our gate once a week " to visit " and we know that they 're hungry again . We simply do what we can which isn 't very much . And we know that this is how they will live until they die . " When Maria would finish her job , she 'd call me and have me look at what she had done , beaming with pride and satisfaction . There was dignity there in spite of her station . But Antonia and her family on the other hand were scavengers , often seen going through trashcans in the city and begging on the streets . There was certainly no dignity there . One day she happened to stop for a visit as Maria was finishing up for the day . I saw the old lady look at the young mother with pity and heard her softly say in Spanish , " That poor thing . " It was obvious she saw her life as being preferable over Antonia 's . I believe it was . A Valentine for Frances Several adults with special needs attend our church . Tim is one of my favorites . After you read his story , I think you 'll see why . . . . A Valentine for Frances Several adults with special needs attend our church . Tim is one of my favorites . After you read his story , I think you 'll see why . . . . |
So things didn 't go as planned this evening . I ordered new blinds yesterday , as I am tired of looking at my falling apart cheap - o Family dollar blinds . I picked them up today and came home so excited to finally get them up . But first I needed to finish painting the window . Windows , I should say . I have 12 windows in my room , 4 on each of the three outer walls . I have finished two walls , and two more to go . So I painted . . . and painted . . . and painted . And finally was ready for the blinds . I took the first one out and held it up to the window to make sure it was going to fit before I started installing the hardware . Hmmmm . An inch too short . This confounded me . I knew I had measured correctly , but I measured again and got the same results . How could this be . . . unless the measurement at the top of the window was different than the bottom of the window . . . I measured the top of the window and it was a whole inch shorter than the bottom of the window . I sighed and put the blind back in the box . Guess I will be taking them back tomorrow for a smaller size . Meanwhile , having taken all the hardware from the old blinds down , filled the holes in the woodwork , and having sanded and painted over all that , I had no blinds and no window covering for the night . This makes me feel like I am in a fishbowl . I am uncomfortable with that . A friend suggested I use sheets , but I had a better idea . I had an old roll of Christmas wrap . I would stretch that across my 12 ft bank of windows taped on each side , til morning . And it worked ! It was easy ! I stood back . . . and realized I had taped the paper backwards on the windows ! Don 't know what the neighbors will be thinking in the morning , when they are greeted by a wall of Santas looking down from my second story windows ! I Hope they have as good a laugh as I did about it . Posted by It 's been a long time since I have written anything about the house . That 's because it 's been a long time since I have done any real work on the house . Not that there isn 't a ton of work to do , I have just been burned out . Two years ago I decided to paint the bedroom . I had painted every single room in the house except my room . I woke up one morning tired of the dingy white the former owners had painted it . I needed something fresh . Something that would make me sing when I opened my eyes . I tried a few different colors . I got some samples and painted them on the wall opposite my bed . I tried a soothing taupe . A pretty brown . a nice Champagne . I hated them all . I decided to please myself and paint the room yellow . There has never been a moment of regret . I woke up smiling the morning after the room was painted . I began to work on painting the trim in November of 2013 . I was right in the middle of it when I got a phone call that changed everything . Tommy lost his job and was on his way home . There was now no budget for new curtains , or the rest of the blinds ( I was going to buy them in sets of four , since they were so expensive , and I needed thirteen of them . ) No carpet . Everything came to a grinding half for over a year . I just let it go . I put the light switch plates back on , bought some five dollar blinds for the other nine windows and ignored the half finished trim for the next two years . Several hours and a lot of BeeGees songs later I stepped back , Brushed some paint chips off my hands , pushed back my paint spattered hair , and looked at the one wall that was now entirely finished . I was amazed . And smiling . I feel a stirring of excitement . Maybe I can get some stuff done around here . It 's good to be back in the swing of things . WHYYYYYY Spongebob ? ? ? Whyyyyy ? ? ? ? Why is it , that when I finally get to the end of one long project , something else has to fall apart . I swear this house is angry with me . My son in law , who lives with me , told me that he didn 't believe me the first time I told him that , but he is a believer now . So I am finally coming to the end of the downstairs bathroom project . We have been working on it , in one form or another , since the first year we moved in . Eleven YEARS later , we have a brand new pedestal sink , that actually fits the size of the tiny room , a working toilet , walls that are covered with more than sheet rock . I mean bead board and paint ! So exciting ! Tomorrow I am going to buy the faucet for that beautiful tiny sink , and the matching towel rack and accessories . Woo HOO ! But . sigh . I also have to go buy a new screen door . Because , no sooner was the bathroom almost up and running , then something else went wrong . First I thought the house had shifted . The screen door became difficult to open . I got tired of jerking on it to get it shut , and so I removed a metal piece of the bottom of the door . This was fine . . . for about three weeks , and then all of a sudden the screen door went from difficult to open to impossible to open . I couldn 't figure it out . It was that son in law who pinned down the problem . It wasn 't that the house was shifting , ( although that WAS a problem , because in addition to the screen door not closing , now the front door won 't STAY shut , but swings back open when you close it , leaving the house wide open ) the problem is that the screen door has simply fallen and it can 't ( or won 't ) get up . The hinges have telescoped into themselves , and they can 't be fixed . The door is literally on the ground . And it 's not just any ordinary screen door , either , it 's a big heavy storm door , so for the past week we have been using the back door to come in and out . A real pain . But . Things could be worse . Spring is here and the weather is warm , even if it has rained almost every day this week . Everybody is in a good mood . There is a wedding coming up in May , there are only ten weeks left ' til school is out and summer arrives . Things are moving forward . It 's a good feeling . Last I wrote , we had multiple leaks , all over the house , at the same time . We took care of all save one , and that was the mysterious leak from the bathtub . We are still puzzling over that one , but we think we have it narrowed down . Recently I was gifted with a brand new dishwasher . While the plumber guys were installing it , we got to talking about the very obvious hole in the kitchen ceiling , and I asked them if they could come back in the future and take a look . ( This was when we were at our financial lowest , the Mr . had been without a job for almost a year , so everything had to wait . ) They said SURE , but mentioned that it could be something as simple as a cracked shower head . A cracked shower head will leak every time he said . After he left I went up to look and BINGO we have a cracked shower head ! I am getting a new showerhead TONIGHT ! WOO HOO ! So anyway , going back to fall of 2013 , everything was still fine , financially . The Mr . was still working in Spokane , and had been there for nine months . I decided it was time , after ten years of living here , to paint my room . First I thought I wanted it to be a pretty champagne color , then I thought maybe a pretty brown , and I actually painted a couple of sample spots on the wall . I lived with them for about a day before I decided I hated hated hated all the sophisticated colors I had chosen . What I really wanted was yellow . A pretty , delicate , lemon chiffon pie yellow . The only problem being the Mr . had told me I could paint it any color , but not yellow . I don 't want to feel like I live in a circus he had said . Hmm . Well . I thought about it for a week or so . And then I painted it yellow . And from the first moment I opened my eyes the morning after I painted , I knew it was the right choice . I woke up happy . The room felt fresh . I began painting the crown moulding and the trim a bright glossy enamel white . Then I did something that made my friends question my decorating sanity , and I put up powder blue velvet curtains on the windows . And I loved it . I have always dreamed of having a yellow and blue room , since I was a little girl . I had always imagined it would be my sitting room , though , or my art room , never thought about making it my bedroom . It may not be every one 's cup of tea , but hey , it makes me happy . Anyway , I was full swing in the midst of painting trim . I had the ceiling registers off , and ready to paint . I had the glass globes off the ceiling fans for washing . I had taken down and thrown away the old nasty , dirty blinds , with the intention of going for new ones the following day And then the phone rang . It was the Mr . and he was on his way home . His job had come to an unexpected halt . Suddenly the trim didn 't matter , nor did the blinds . I told myself it was just temporary , that I would pick up the room redo when he started work again , which would only be a week . Two at the most , Maybe a month . I never dreamed it would stretch into more than a year . In that year I didn 't touch the room , it has just remained as it was . No registers on the ceiling vents , no globes on the ceiling fans , no more trim painting , and no blinds , either . Finally , after more than a year , Thank the LORD the Mr . is working again , and I will be resuming where I left off . Oh and the Mr . doesn 't hate the yellow , either . He actually likes it ! So when we got back from Salinas , last year , we had some issues with the house . Namely , the shower in my room was dripping from the showerhead , and it was driving us crazy . I really didn 't want to call a plumber - I really should have called a plumber - so instead I just took the shower head off , which didn 't help at all . Over the period of a few months , though , the dripping stopped , and I kind of worried about why - but I still didn 't call a plumber . One day I went into the downstairs bathroom , with the toilet in it that I had worked so hard to install on Easter Eve , three years ago , when we had the toilet explosion . I noticed there was water on the floor all around the toilet , and worse , I noticed the walls had some mold . It had been leaking for some time , apparently . I examined the toilet , and realized that the bolts I had used instead of the ones that came with the toilet were not compatible with the water in the tank . They had corroded and the tank was leaking . I turned the toilet off until I could get around to fixing it . And then I forgot about it . Nobody ever goes in there , we almost never use that bathroom , so it was easy to forget about . Fast forward a few months , and then all of a sudden the ceiling in the kitchen starts leaking every time someone takes a shower in the big bathroom overhead . Was it a leaky pipe ? Was the water coming through the floor after escaping the shower curtain ? Was it the caulking that was failing ? I tore out all the surrounding sheetrock around the leak , comprising about a square foot , so that I could investigate further . I stuck my hand in the hole , and I could feel the corner of the bathtub . Then I went upstairs , and looked down , and I could see the hole . But I couldnt ' figure it out . I wondered if the water was confined to just this small area , or if it was leaking all over the place . To find out , I went into that downstairs bathroom for the first time since I had turned the toilet off all those months ago . When I walked in , my mouth dropped open . I couldn 't believe what I was seeing . There was water all over the floor , there was mold from the floor up to about three feet off the floor , on three walls . And the toilet was on . I didn 't catch on to the fact that the toilet had been turned back on , at first . I thought it was part of the other leak problem we were having , and I have to say I kind of freaked out . I called a plumber . Before he arrived however , I had a closer look , and realized that the water and the mold were coWhen the plumber got there , he took a look . He told me it was my pipes and that they were going to have to replace all of it , and the break through my tile , and the whole thing was going to cost six hundred dollars . This was on a Friday , and he told me he would be back the following Wed . Tues night , I got a call from the Mr . He had been working in Spokane for nine months , and things had been fabulous , but now they were shutting down the project , he was getting laid off , and he was on his way home . Ugh . I had some money in savings , and I was sure he would have a new job by the following week , so I didn 't cancel my plumber appt . Wed came around , and I waited and waited , and nobody came . All day long I waited . Then I called . He said it would be Friday before he could get somebody over , but then , I guess he changed his mind , because his two assistants showed up fifteen minutes later at my door . They had a look . First they told me it was the tub . Then they decided it was the pipes . Then the told me it was my tile . Then they started talking Spanish , and looking at the pipes in the wall ( the pipes are behind an old laundry hamper at the head of the tub , so if you take the hamper out you can see the pipes , and stick your head and upper torso in . ) . They told me they would be back the following Friday to do the job . While they were there , I had them fix the showerhead in my other bathroom , the third bathroom , the one that had been driving me crazy , because it 's in my bedroom , and I also had him replace the sprayer on my kitchen faucet . He got an old one off the truck , and told me he would put a better one on when he came on Friday . Meanwhile , I went up to my shower and turned it on , and then heard the kids yelling . I turned it off , and raced around the corner to the stairs , ( that bathroom sits over the stairs ) and was confronted by a wall of water cascading out of the shower pan and down the stairs . They had replaced the showerhead , but they hadn 't turned on the water to check it all out and the pipe was leaking like a sieSo Friday comes , and I wait . And I wait . And I wait . It 's been eight months and I 'm still waiting . ( In case you are wondering , if you are local to Bonham , it 's Dobbel 's plumbing . I guess if they don 't want your job , they just stand you up , instead of being honest and saying they just don 't want to do it . ) And I 'm pretty mad about it . They never called , they never showed up , they never apologized for not showing up , or calling , and I called someone else after three weeks of waiting . By now it rains in the kitchen when anyone takes a shower . We move the trashcan there until the new plumber shows up . We still can 't figure it out , despite spending a lot of time with our heads in the hole in the kitchen ceiling . The new plumber comes , and tells us it 's the pipes , and he caulks it all , and spends the rest of the day fixing the leaking shower over the stairs . He had to do a lot of sawing and drilling but he fixed it . Four hundred dollars later , we breathed a sigh of relief , knowing that all was well and we could get back to living . Only . . . it wasn 't . The ceiling in the kitchen was STILL leaking when somebody took a shower . I could see where he had caulked it . It wasn 't the bathtub itself . It only happened during showers . I could feel with my hands , and see with my eyes where the water was dripping from . But I could not figure out where it was coming from . There was no pipe where the water was dripping from , and all the other pipes were dry . It had to be the caulk . So I replaced all of the caulk . And went over every single bit of the grout with caulk . I spent a whole day in the bathtub smearing caulk over every single place where water could escape . And I was successful . It stopped leaking . I was so glad . Then last week . . . you guessed it . I came in the back door and there was water on the floor , right below the hole that I haven 't fixed , for fear of this exact reason . It doesn 't leak every time , but sometimes it still rains in the kitchen . And I ran out of funds to call another plumber a long , long time ago . So for now we are stuck with it . One night , while I was doing the caulking , I took the old hamper at the head of the tub out so I could see the plumbing . I didn 't connect the large hole and the underworld that is my house to the old cat that was roaming around looking for adventure . Truth is , I didn 't even know she was missing , until my son started laughing maniacally in the kitchen . I went downstairs , and there was old Sox , with her head through the hole in the kitchen , meowing away for us to save her . Sox is thirteen years old , and not in the best of health , so I was concerned . I got a ladder and reached up to coax her down . She was having none of that . So I grabbed her by the neck and pulled . And she pulled . She planted both her feet on the sides of that hole and held on for dear life . I really tried to get her out , but you could read the cusswords in her eyes . She yowled really loud and I let go , and she retreated . Now I was really concerned , because I had no way to retrieve her . I tried sticking my head all the way in the hole , but there was a copper pipe and a two by four blocking the way . I probably could have wedged myself in there to have a look , but all of a sudden I had visions of the ladder falling and myself swinging from the hole in the ceiling , I decided I would have better luck from above . So I went upstairs to the bathroom and the hole where the hamper went , and called her . Soxie , soxie , soxiesoxiesoxie , I called in my best cat wheedling voice . She meowed , but she wasn 't coming up . She was clearly angry with me . I did the best thing I could , then , I turned off the light in the kitchen , put a bowl of food for her outside the hamper hole in the bathroom , and left the light on , hoping she would have the strength to find her way back upstairs . And I worried . I had bad dreams about what would happen if she died in between the floors . How would we get her out ? Would she starve ? I finally fell asleep , and was awakened at seven in the morning by Alyssa , who told me that cat was out and the food was gone . I went in the bathroom where sheBut we still haven 't figured out that leak . We have come up with all kinds of strange hypothoses , ranging from possible to downright strange . The answer eludes us . The nearest thing we can figure is that that end of the bathroom is on the downward side of an unlevel slant , and that gravity is feeding water from somewhere to the corner where it drips off into the kitchen . But where is it coming from ? So long story , somewhat short , the house is not pretty right now . I still have two broken windows , that happened while we were in California . And that hole in the kitchen ceiling . And no downstairs bathroom . I went in right after I discovered the horrible problem in there and gutted it . Took all the stinky moldy sheet rock and threw it out and brought it down to bare studs . I haven 't been in since . And with six people , three dogs , and two cats living here , it is tough to keep tidy . But it 's home . And soon it will be fixed , and way too quiet , I 'm afraid . So ten years in this old house , last December . A whole ' nother decade under our belts . When we moved in here , Kat was just eleven , Matthew was nine , and Alyssa was six . The kids have grown up , and I have gone from thirty something to middle aged . We have had good times , and some tough times , become both frustrated and elated with the house , at times loving it , and at times cursing it . Somehow though , we always come full circle . Yesterday 's gripe about the foundation issues gives way to a rush of emotion that the bedroom I have always wanted is finally coming together , although , slowly . The paint is on the walls , pictures hung , the crown moulding is gleaming . I still have to do window treatments and something about the flooring . And then there is the bathroom . When I first looked at this house , I thought it was one of the strangest little bathrooms I had ever seen . Tiny , no more than about six or eight square feet , including the tiny vinyl walk in shower . just enough room for a toilet . And a very large window right next to it . For years I have wondered about that window . Why would anybody build a bathroom with a toilet right next to a window ? It never made any sense . I took a picture of it this morning . It is the one thing I have never been very eager to photograph . It 's not pretty . It is extremely utilitarian . No frills . Just a bathroom . I have to admit it has been very handy over the years to have one in the bedroom . But I still think it 's weird . However , yesterday I had a revelation about that window , and why it never made sense for it to be in the bathroom . Four steps up ! And don 't fall down in the middle of the night in the dark . The Mr . found out the hard way how painful that can be ! As we ascended to the second floor , I could see that over our heads , covered by some plastic light shields , was a tangle of copper pipes , PVC , and cast iron . Also a shop light , that dimly lit the hallway . I didn 't like it . When we got to the top of the stairs and rounded into the bedroom , I saw that this little bathroom was the reason for all that mess . It sits right on top of the stairwell . I won 't tell you the peril I put myself in to get that metal sculpture up there , it would curl your hair . Right below the wall decor is all the plumbing for the bathroom . As a matter of fact , one time we had a shower flood , and the water cascaded out all over my stairs , through the hole in the floor where the toilet water pipe comes in . Actually that has happened more than once , but I digress . Anyway , I don 't know why it took me ten years to figure it out , but the other day , I was thinking about that window . Then I had a vision . Without that dinky little add on bathroom , that window would have been right over my stairway . It was definitely an AHA ! moment . Of course now all I can think about is getting rid of that bathroom . We talked about it , the Mr . and I , at length . Should we forgo the convenience of having a bathroom in the bedroom to bring back the look of the old hallway ? I , despite my love of bringing things back to the " way they used to be " was unsure . I really like having a bathroom in the bedroom . But , the Mr . said , we could turn the other bathroom , just to the left of the stairway rail into a really nice bathroom , and I had to agree . I can 't wait to start the demo . Of course , that is way in the future , as there are other more pressing needs for this old house , right now . So now that that mystery is solved , it 's on to another . Such as what is behind this Sheetrock in my closet . I never noticed it before , until one day , while taking out the garbage , a lady on a bicycle stopped to tell me how much she loved my house . Then she asked me if the rose wallpaper was still on the upstairs bedroom wall . This intrigued me . RoseAnd in the bathroom , behind the sand texture on the walls , which I painted sky blue ( and now regret ) was this . some kind of faux tile . Made of either cardboard or tin . Feels like cardboard . I like the color , though . I imagine it was a very interesting and colorful bathroom . The bathtub , which was painted white just prior to us moving in , is an original cobalt blue , and the original tile ringing the non original floor in the bathroom is an original golden yellow . Also the porcelain towel bar , behind the white paint applied by the previous owners is a cobalt blue to match the bath tub and the soap dish . I was amazed when the white paint in the tub began to flake and peel , to reveal the " ghost " of the original tub . So it goes . Every day the house reveals a little more of it 's past to me . Whether it 's finding a piece of a porcelain doll 's leg i ( or a toy car , or marble ) in the back yard , leftover from the twenties or thirties , or catching a glimpse of old wallpaper behind the sheet rock , she always has something to tell me if I just listen . I love this old house . Posted by I am SO glad to be home , love waking up in my bedroom , getting the kids to school for the day and then fulfilling long thought out plans . Love love love it . However yesterday and today there have been a few . . . er . . . glitches in the joy fest . I don 't know what to attribute it too , the weather ? Hormones ? Yesterday started out kind of great . I was going on a photography field trip with a friend . Had been looking forward to it for a long time , however we got a late start . I woke up clumsy , tripping over things , right out of the gate , dropping things , losing things , couldn 't seem to get it all together . Because it took so long to get everything together we didn 't have enough time for the field trip , which was in Dallas , before I would have had to come back home and pick up the kids . I was sad about it for about fifteen minutes , and then I got over it , we went somewhere else , and it ended up being a good day . But I still felt a little like I was outside my own skin for some reason . Five thirty this morning . I woke up and jumped out of bed , and threw a bug that had been crawling on me off me . Not a good way to start a morning . And I was developing a migraine . So Excedrin at five thirty in the morning was how the day started . I lay awake thinking about a disturbing email I had received late last night , troubled by that and some other things . I prayed a little bit and then got the kids off to school . Ironically , although we have had trouble all week waking up and getting to school on time due to a relaxation of bedtime during Spring break , this morning there were no problems with the kids , it was me who seemed to be having the problem . I sat around in my pajamas all day , and then my hubby called . This is where things got crazy . And funny . I answered the phone and as I was talking I decided to grab the mail . He was in a chipper mood , and I was chipper too , for about one minute . Then I saw that one was a collection notice , from a place I definitely shouldn 't have gotten a collection notice from . So he was still talking , and I was talking over him , and sputtering , and trying to tell him what I had received in the mail without stuttering . He was trying to get me to spit it out . I was just spitting mad . So he is talking to me , and I am reading , and stuttering , and sputtering , and trying to talk back , And then I saw the dog . The dog was eating a roll of toilet paper ! My mouth fell open . So despite the fact that hubby was talking to me , I quit listening , and started beating the dog 's behind with the collection notice , noting that he had been apparently enjoying his snack for quite a while , judging by the amount of TP spread all over the carpet . Then the hubby said something , and I said something not repeatable , then I threw the phone . Dragged the dog outside and put him in the fence , then called the hubby back , he apologized , I apologized . But I still had to clean up all that TP . I didn 't hurt the dog at all . I have never used a collection notice as a paddle before . He must have thought I was crazy , Posted by |
August 31 , 2007 in C , Dated , Life & Love , PK , The New Guy | 6 comments So . The date didn 't go anything like I expected at all . All of my expectations were basically based off of friends horror stories , so I guess I expected him to be a creep , for there to be awkward fumbling with everything , and for us to have nothing to talk about . Thankfully it didn 't go this way . I got there a little early ( thanks for the clothes suggestions ! ) and read while I was waiting . I was actually nervous because I simply remembered him looking cute , but not exact details as to what he looked like . We found each other though and it wasn 't awkward at all . He did all of the dating moves - paid ( even though I tried ! ) , held open all of the doors , and had me walk in front of him . We got along so well that we were the awful people that talk during the previews . The movie itself was great but ended kind of early , so we decided to go over to the bar afterwards . Again , he did the driving , the paying , the door opening bits , which I can 't really recall any guys actually doing before . There was a band playing covers of all typical New Jersey bar songs ( Journey ? Bon Jovi ? ) so we screamed at each other over all of it . He 's working towards his secondary education certification , we read the same books , listen to the same music . We had the same views on everything that we talked about . He even laughed at my crazy quirks ( that I have a rat , that I don 't like babies ) . We headed back after the band finished a Modern English song , and took the long route so we could talk more . And then it got to the goodbye . I had been freaking about this bit the entire night because , you know , what if he kisses me ? And it was in that moment that I started thinking of PK . Maybe because he 's comfortable and I don 't have to worry about the awkwardness of first kisses and holding hands . Or maybe because I really do love him . Whatever the case , I was thinking of him as the guy was talking about plans for Saturday night . I couldn 't remember if I was working on Saturday , or if I wanted to keep going with the new guy , so I nodded and said I 'd call him when I knew my schedule . We didn 't kiss , just smiled . I got home and had a text from him thanking me for a great night , that I 'm beautiful , and that he wants to go out again . And now I 'm sort of stuck on whether to stick with my comfort or to try something new . To try a relationship that even in its early stage seems healthier than what I 'm used to , or to keep trying with someone I feel I 'm good with . I 'd bring it to where you are August 31 , 2007 in Dated , Life & Love , PK | Leave a comment So . The date didn 't go anything like I expected at all . All of my expectations were basically based off of friends horror stories , so I guess I expected him to be a creep , for there to be awkward fumbling with everything , and for us to have nothing to talk about . Thankfully it didn 't go this way . I got there a little early ( thanks for the clothes suggestions ! ) and read while I was waiting . I was actually nervous because I simply remembered him looking cute , but not exact details as to what he looked like . We found each other though and it wasn 't awkward at all . He did all of the dating moves - paid ( even though I tried ! ) , held open all of the doors , and had me walk in front of him . We got along so well that we were the awful people that talk during the previews . The movie itself was great but ended kind of early , so we decided to go over to the bar afterwards . Again , he did the driving , the paying , the door opening bits , which I can 't really recall any guys actually doing before . There was a band playing covers of all typical New Jersey bar songs ( Journey ? Bon Jovi ? ) so we screamed at each other over all of it . He 's working towards his secondary education certification , we read the same books , listen to the same music . We had the same views on everything that we talked about . He even laughed at my crazy quirks ( that I have a rat , that I don 't like babies ) . We headed back after the band finished a Modern English song , and took the long route so we could talk more . And then it got to the goodbye . I had been freaking about this bit the entire night because , you know , what if he kisses me ? And it was in that moment that I started thinking of PK . Maybe because he 's comfortable and I don 't have to worry about the awkwardness of first kisses and holding hands . Or maybe because I really do love him . Whatever the case , I was thinking of him as the guy was talking about plans for Saturday night . I couldn 't remember if I was working on Saturday , or if I wanted to keep going with the new guy , so I nodded and said I 'd call him when I knew my schedule . We didn 't kiss , just smiled . I got home and had a text from him thanking me for a great night , that I 'm beautiful , and that he wants to go out again . And now I 'm sort of stuck on whether to stick with my comfort or to try something new . To try a relationship that even in its early stage seems healthier than what I 'm used to , or to keep trying with someone I feel I 'm good with . This could be a brand new start August 27 , 2007 in C , Coffee Buzz , Life & Love , The New Guy | 5 comments I can 't remember if I mentioned it or not , but that guy that came into the cafe the other day . Quick recap : he and his friend came in and chatted with me while I got their orders , they ate and left . The girl he was with came back in and said that he had been talking about me a lot but didn 't have the nerve to ask me out himself . So he finally did get the nerve and came back to ask me out , and I said sure . We played phone tag today , and finally just reached each other . We decided to go see a movie tomorrow , a comedy ( SUPERBAD ! ) so I think that bit will be fun . But I 'm actually kind of nervous . I mean , does he pick me up ? Do I pick him up since he 's on the way to the theater ? Or do we just meet there ? Who pays ? What the freak am I going to wear ? Ok , just writing that made me completely nervous . Forget the fact that I 'm going to my first graduate school class tonight , I 'm more nervous about my date tomorrow . Any help ? August 27 , 2007 in Coffee Buzz , I peed myself laughing , Ok I admit I 'm a media whore , Why I Hate Men | 4 comments We have a regular at the cafe who is the exact definition of gauche . He 's crude , rude , and generally obnoxious . About once or twice a week he comes in and places and order . " Make it extra special for me toots , " he 'll say , nodding back at my coworker , " that guy back there can tell you how good I tip . " He always tells exaggerated stories about how good of friends he is with my boss , even though she has a gag reflex whenever he walks into the place . She also told me about the time that he was banned from the cafe for two years . The reason ? He had been trying to tell her some story while she was dealing with customers , and then got angry with her for not listening . When she politely told him that she was busy and would have to hear his story another time , he screamed across the cafe " Whoa , look who 's on her period ! " Consequently , she asked him to leave . This man is also known for diving his hand into the tip bowl and " exchanging money " . We 're not sure if he 's actually putting money in there because he 's actually rather sly about it . He then proceeds over to the payphone in the hallway , where he proceeds to angrily scream at the person on the other end of the line . We hope there 's another person on the end of the line . The point of this story is that I was welcomed to work last Thursday with my boss slamming the Philadelphia Inquirer into my face . " Read this ! " she demanded , pointing down to the front page . And there , my friends , was the mugshot of our dear regular . I 'd heard the news reports about a man beating his mother , a judge . And I 'd also had our dear regular tell me that I should go to law school , that his mother was a judge . I guess that none of us at the cafe had put two and two together , but here was the four . The article is below , with deliciously good quotes highlighted . August 26 , 2007 in New York New York , Oh Lord I 'm going to be a cop , PK , Why I Hate Men | 1 comment A coworker of mine was browsing through a magazine that someone had absent mindedly left at the cafe this morning when she came across the usual horoscopes section in the back . " What 's your sign ? " she asked , and I told her . She read mine aloud and , despite never really being much of a believer , I was sort of thrown off . It kept talking about how my life was hectic , but in the next few weeks it would become also impossible . It said that major decisions would be thrown at me and I 'd have to make spur of the moment decisions on all of them . It also said that the one person who is back and forth in my life would play a major part in the coming months . Perhaps it was the lack of sleep and lack of food , but everything seemed to fit . You see , I mentioned before that I had my medical exam for the NYPD on Friday . I had to close the cafe the night before , and the interview was set up for 6 : 30 am in Queens . In perhaps one of my most fickle moments I decided it would be nice to see PK as well . So I made plans with him to drive straight there after work and then relay to my medical interview from there . Work was fine really , but we didn 't finish closing until midnight . I had parked my car in a lot a block off from the cafe , but they had moved it to another garage three blocks north . After getting all the way there , the man working at the second garage was unable to find my car . Not only did he speak on his phone for the entire time , he took 45 minutes to find my car after making me prove that the keys behind his head ( the ones with the keychain for my college ) were mine and then made me pay again because I didn 't have proof of having already paid . Two hours later , I was meeting a waiting PK to go up to his apartment . Seeing him felt good , but also really confusing . I didn 't feel the same that I had before , but there was still the same level of caring for him . And there was still the same chemistry between us . In the morning I threw on my black suit paired with ballet slippers and was walked by a sleepy PK to the train . The meeting center was about a half hour off and , despite being early , stood in line behind about twenty others . In the main room there were a total of 66 people , of which only 7 were women . We were fingerprinted before proceeding into massive amounts of informational paperwork . For a steady three hours we filled out information on ourselves - whether we 'd done drugs , what tattoos we had and what they represent , our medical history , our education . We then had four more examinations - one for hearing , eyesight , blood pressure , and physical . The first three were individual and I scored perfectly on each . Not that it mattered , because the girl beside me has 20 / 400 vision and " passed " the eyesight exam . The group physical was the bit I talked about earlier , only worse . We were all brought into a room where we were given a slip of paper ( they called it a gown , but it was the size of a small towel ) , and asked to take off everything above our waist . Not exactly covering anything when the doctors rip the gowns off to the side to stick electrodes on your ta - tas . We basically all saw each other naked , which was highly discomforting , but I guess it was a good thing that I was the tiniest girl there . I would say that four of our seven were at least overweight , if not obese . We then had to go down to skivvies and do the stretching , which wasn 't so much stretching as perverse Simon Says : " Touch your toes , ok now everyone hop on your left foot , right . " He asked two women to stay in the room , let the rest of us leave . Back in our seats we were excited to leave . I was excited to get back to PK 's bed , when one of the women called me up to the front of the room . She handed me a piece of paper and said " Medical review . " Out of all of the people there ( and despite being the only women there who wasn 't obese , doesn 't have heart issues , or smokes on a regular basis ) , I was the only one put on medical review for having been sick last year and for having had knee problems three years ago . I tried to tell her that I run just about every day , that my knees are fine , but she snapped me eyes that basically told me to stop arguing . Back at PK 's place I moped . I tried to watch tv but couldn 't think straight . Then I snapped at him for misunderstanding what he was texting to me . I finally crawled into his bed with his oversized baseball shirt on where he found me a few hours later . That night was awesome . We met up with two of his guy friends and one of their girlfriends to go bowling . We had an interesting conversation with the bowling alley bartender , who swore up and down that I was born to save lives and that Princeton was after him on papers that he wrote on psychology ( PK scoffed when the bartender followed that up by admitting to never having read a book ) . We bowled , drank , and had fun . I didn 't get home until late , mostly because on the drive home my gas tank cracked and started spilling gas . I couldn 't even sleep when I got home , started worrying about school and the academy , PK and work . Work wasn 't much better , but the guy from the other day came back in to ask me out himself . I 'm not sure what to do with all of that , or even if I want to keep up this dating thing . In the next few weeks I 'm going to have to sort all of this out , sort out work and school and every other stressor in my life . For now , I 'm going catch up on sleep . August 23 , 2007 in Coffee Buzz , New York New York , Oh Lord I 'm going to be a cop , Why I Hate Men | 7 comments The underwear bit . No , I 'm not a model ( though technically I have modeled hair and in a catalog for a big kayak company ) . When I got back from the cabin on Saturday there was a letter from the NYPD office stating that I had to get in for my medical exam this Saturday at 6 : 30 am . For the sake of whining , I need to point out that I 'm closing the cafe the night before . I closed tonight as well , and am posting this at 1 : 30 after just getting home . Meaning that I will have to leave directly from closing tomorrow night to get up there . I did a bit of research as to what this medical exam entails . Check hearing , fine . Check eyesight , fine . Check blood pressure , fine . Have a group physical in skivvies , not fine . Basically they separate by gender , then have everyone strip to Adam and Eve fashion before doing weird stretches . Oh , and I have to pay them money to get fingerprinted . Honestly , why am I going for this profession ? On side notes , I did have a few weird things happen today . As I was sitting on the train going to work today , this guy got on at one of the stops , smiled at me , then sat in the seat across the aisle from me . He 's sorta doing this sidelong glance thing at me , I look back over and he blushes . It 's absolutely adorable . We repeat this about thirty thousand times until getting off at the same stop , and then we both walk up the same stairwell . We 're walking along , still doing the staring thing . Then I look down , look back up , and he 's gone . I 'm sort of surprised because he had been right next to me a moment before , and I turn around and he 's halfway down the block , laughing at my confusion . It was absolutely one of the sweetest things that 's happened in awhile . Then , after a guy vomited all over the cafe ( yeah , he ran in from the bar next door , puked , laughed , ran out ) , a guy and a girl came in . We get a lot of dates in there , so I figured it was just another one of them . I chatted with them for a bit while getting their order together , they ate , and then they left . Normal . Then the girl walks back in , sort of embarrassed . She tells me that the guy she was with couldn 't stop talking about me , that he wanted to talk to me but was afraid ( really ? ) so he asked if she could come in for my number . I was a little put off - I mean , isn 't he supposed to be the one that asks for it ? I told her that he needs to get the nerve to ask for it himself if he wants it , she laughed and asked when I was working next . We 'll see if anything happens of if that guy stays too scared . Had the day off yesterday and had plenty of errands to run , so of course I went shopping with Beck . I ended up buying underwear ( have to get down to skivvies on Friday for an interview - don 't ask ) and an adorable pair of ballet flats . I was also eyeing the new Nike running shoes with the Ipod attachment pieces . The shoes are awesome now , and I made Becky stare at them over in the shoe department . I was explaining to her the purpose of the shocks and other features when she started to wander away . I look to where she 's inching , and she 's found herself a pair of deep red pumps with tiny beading . She 's murmuring softly to them , looks up at me and goes " Now these are my kind of running shoe . " Other girlfriend Meredith just moved across the country to go to vet school . She is one of the perkiest , cutest , brilliant girls I 've met in awhile . She 's even running for class president , that 's how darn perky she is . Beck and I called her on speakerphone while driving home from the mall ( sidenote : we decided to use her Garmin to avoid highways and ended up driving through some pretty scary areas . We heard a car backfire and thought it was a gunshot . To which she angrily mumbled " I wish Garmin made an ' avoid ghettos ' just like its ' avoid highways . ' " The drive home also took us an hour longer . ) We can immediately tell that something has happened because Mer sounds sad . She then tells us that she was the first person to injure herself at vet school . ( Another sidenote : if you are particularly squeamish , you might not want to keep reading this ) So for classes , she has to use a set of equiptment for the surgical procedures . Her set is mostly like the ones that you use in basic anatomy classes - the scalpel , the scissors , the puke bag - but it also has a giant bone - cutting butcher knife . She decided to take all of her tools with her before class and put them in her locker . Her giant butcher knife had a plastic safety guard over it , so she tossed it in her bag with the other ones and started walking . Halfway across campus , some guy stops her to point out that there is blood running down her leg - the insane bone - cutting butcher knife had sliced its protective guard , cut through her bag and ( shudder ) embedded itself in her knee . It was such a clean cut that she didn 't even notice . When we stopped talking to her last night , she was debating whether or not to stitch it up herself . My favorite bit of the story was that , while walking back with a bloody leg , she kept telling passing people " watch out for those doors , the corners are really sharp ! " And we frolicked about in our summer skin I sat in the seven hour car ride today thinking of how to write everything that I wanted to write , whether I should censor the things I wanted to say , and if it would sound contrived if I wrote things the way that they happened over the past week . In my head , everything feels like it was out of a movie . Even he said that to me on our last night together up at the cabin . My brother and I drove up to the cabin together on Saturday for what must have been one of the most miserable drives of my life . It felt like we were constantly stuck in traffic , and neither one of us was truly excited for a week at the cabin fully expecting to go cabin - fever crazy a la Jack Nicholson in The Shining . We pulled up and trudged over towards the cabin when I hear a " Hey ya 'll ! " coming from the cabin next door . And I groaned . A guy with dark brown hair was walking towards us to say hi , introduced himself and then started talking . I wasn 't so sure if he was just being " Southern polite " or if he was flirting , but his family was going to be in the cabin beside ours for the next week . He was terribly nice , and I 'm not really sure why I was so annoyed in the beginning . I think it was partly because I was used to my routine at the cabin - having coffee in the morning and at sunset on the dock - and was somewhat thrown off when he joined me that first night for coffee on the dock . And then the next morning . And then the next night as well , where we sat in the two Adirondack chairs and watched the meteorite shower . By then we 'd formed our own new routine , and I was finally catching on to the fact that he was interested in me . By Sunday we were seeing each other during the day too , swimming in the lake together and complaining about how cold it was getting in , then how cold it was getting out . We went hiking to the top of the tallest mountain in the area , then scrambled up the fire tower on top of it to see all of the surrounding lakes . We played football in the lake and swam with his nieces and nephews . We fell into a routine , and spent our nights together talking . Tanner was older than me , had been an undergrad Psychology student at University of North Carolina ( note that I 'm a Duke fan ) . He decided on a whim to become a masseuse , wants to open his own practice . He was there with his parents , brother and sister and their spouses and children . The children , I fell in love with them . We huddled around campfires in the evenings listening to the children sing camping songs and put on skits ( I admittedly was in several of those skits , prepare for my Broadway debut ) . As the week surged on , Tanner and I spent every night out on the dock watching the stars and the fog , listening to the loons and the coyotes . We 'd wrap ourselves in my blanket , which he always told me smelled of my skin . One night , he stopped mid - conversation to say " Did ya hear that ? " I hadn 't , but looked up to see a bear walking along the shoreline , not twenty feet from where we were on the dock . I clung to his arm as we watched the bear sniff about . And then there was last night , our last night together on the dock . The weather brought a strange layer to everything , threatening to rain with thick clouds overhead . The fog would roll in and envelope us , and then roll out to leave the lake absolutely clean . And then it would roll in again , making even the shoreline impossible to see . When it started to rain , we tried to run to the cabins , but made it only as far as the garden shed . It was large inside , warm , and smelled lightly of gasoline from the lawn mower against the back wall . The lightening was flashing outside the windows , the thunder cracking loudly over the lake , and then we were kissing . The rain was pelting the windows , and we 're on my blanket on the floor of the shed . It was everything that script writers and authors try to create when they write scenes like that . Even the best of those writers couldn 't create the chemistry that happened between Tanner and I . I felt dizzy afterwards , whether from giddiness and happiness or from the gasoline I 'm not sure . We laid there afterwards , watching the rain pass along the windows and trying to come to some understanding of what had happened . This morning everything was still there when I said goodbye to his family . And for those seven hours back home I 've been replaying everything in my head , trying to decide what to do from here . He said he wants to keep in contact , wants me to call , wants to write letters . But how possible is something like that ? August 10 , 2007 in Life & Love , New York New York | 7 comments The Good : I was out shopping with Alie today when I got a call on my cell - a number I didn 't recognize . It turned out to be the president of the crew team that I 'd rowed for in high school . I had sent them a resume about a month back and had been speaking with my old coach about taking on a coaching job under them . The president asked me if I could do an impromtu interview today , and we scheduled . I walked over to his house , which is luckily only a few blocks away , and sat with him in his living room talking about crew . He asked me a lot about my experiences with it , said that they were looking for someone with both rowing and coxing experience , that the levels that I 've raced at are higher than they had expected . He asked me to coach for them on the spot , and I accepted . Granted it 's not the greatest paying job , but it 's a sport that I love . I 'm going to be working with novice women , so I 'll be with them practicing every day . I have to renew my boating license , but then I 'll start with the practices in a few short weeks . I really couldn 't be happier - how many people can say that they will enjoy waking up at 4 am every morning to coach kids ? The Bad : OK , well I guess this isn 't bad per se , but I 'm about to head up to our family cabin for the week . It 's in the middle of the Adirondacks , right on the shores of a beautiful , serene lake . On the other sides , it 's surrounded by mountains with plenty of hiking and running trails . The town itself is tiny , with only a one room schoolhouse to take on the year - round kids . Sound nice ? Now imagine that cabin - with it 's five bedrooms and beautiful view - with my parents , brother , oma , my oma 's best friend , grandmother , and step - grandfather . The grandmother and my mother don 't get along , my mother and my oma ( her mother ) have been fighting for the past month , my mother also hates my step - grandfather , and my mother and I have been bickering for the past week . I 'm also leaving my dogs at home for the week , which is already freaking me out . And worse ? No internet or phones . I 'm going to come home and Clink will have eloped to Paris , or Molly will be in jail for having killed a tan , petite , jet black - haired woman with the heel of her ( very lovely ) shoe , or KLC will have gotten engaged . WHAT IF ? Cabin fever , here I come . The Ugly : I 've been considering getting my hair cut for several weeks , but have never been sure of what I actually want done . I knew I wanted those cute sidelong bangs that sweep across the forehead , but I also know that haircuts that I like on paper NEVER look good on me . It 's a time - tested fact . I went over yesterday on a whim with a picture in my hand and asked for it . The woman laughed and said " That 'll be a breeze ! " and started chopping away . When she finished , I looked in the mirror . It wasn 't at all what I 'd asked for , and I pointed that out . " Well , I left your bangs a little longer than you 'd asked for because it looks better this way . " They weren 't bangs , they tucked behind my ear . They fit in a low ponytail . I asked her to trim a bit more off , and she told me to sleep on it . So I did . The next morning ? Still hated it . After lunch and shopping with Alie I swung back over to the salon and told them that I wanted a fix . I showed the next girl the picture that I wanted , and she said pretty much the same thing as the first woman . " This cut is so easy ! " She again snipped away , and voila ! I hated it . Now I have bangs that , again , look nothing like what I asked for . Any suggestions on how I can fix it ? I figure for now I 'm just going to pin them up a ' la Fergie Hump / Faux Hawk . I went out to the local bar with Bri and Mer last night . It wasn 't anything crazy , and I ended up telling them I had to get to bed earlyish for work in the morning . I got back by eleven , and was in bed with my computer beside me . Mer messages me , and is having an utter breakdown . She 's moving across the country on Friday ( I can 't even bear to think about that at all without coming close to tearing up ) , but she also had a huge falling out with her quasi - boy . This guy was her first kiss , the only guy she 's ever loved . For six years they 've had this relationship where they know they 're supposed to be together , but distance and schedules make it fairly impossible . Earlier this summer at her graduation party ( the one with the sharks ! ) she got really drunk and happend to see her boy kissing her roomate . She was livid , kicked him out of her house , and made him drive the two hours back home at two in the morning . He never apologized , never explained himself . Mer has spent all summer still talking to him up until a month ago . He was supposed to drive out with her across the country , but then stopped responding to all calls . For over a month he ignored her . Until yesterday . When he called her back , screamed at her , refused to talk about the fact that he kissed her roommate . So Mer messages me at twelve , asks me to come over . I Lindsay - Lohaned over to her house ( minus the booze and drugs , plus the speeding in suburbia ) , found her crying on her doorstep . I have known Mer since eighth grade when I moved to this town and was sat alphabetically next to her in homeroom . We 've been close friends since , had our ups and downs and fights and sleepovers . And never once have I seen this girl cry . Here she is , hugging me and crying . I spent the next two hours with her , sitting in the park and going over everything that we could until she thought that she could get to sleep . The thing is , I don 't even know what to tell her on it . I 'm usually the go - to friend for advice , but on this I don 't even know what to say . The The drama with the coworker . I am sort of into this guy I met at work , and we went to see a movie together the other day after we got off our shift . And I had a freakin ' great time . But I kept it clear that I wasn 't ready to date , that things are complicated , that I 'm a headcase . In reality , I know that if I start getting into this guy , PK will suddenly want me again . It 's happened before - when I dated his best friend ( well , I guess that 's obvious ) , The Coach , Jordan , Habibi , Kyle … . every time I would start seeing someone new , PK would have his breakdown and tell me that he wants to be with me . He 'd start talking about the future , about bookcases covered with books and talking about kids . And I know in my head , regardless of how much of an ass he is , I will compare my current guy to him . Crap . I am by no means a fan of Dave Mathews . I guess I just never got into him at all , and actually get really annoyed by his music . But my brother and Craig asked me to come along to meet up with some of our mutual friends over at the lot and I figured I 'd go . Holy crrrrrap . Anyone else been to one of those ? I mean , I 've heard people talk about them before and always having the craziest stories out of them , but seriously ? In the span of two hours I was offered so many drugs , hit on , had a guy grab at me , watched a guy try to pee on my car , watched the same guy pee himself while bonging a beer , and saw about three thousand girls in mini jean skirts , tank tops , and dyed blonde hair . I was fairly drunk when I left the lot to go meet up with my friend Mandy to go to the Riversharks game . They 're the minor league team out here , and you can get seats for six bucks and sit behind home plate . Mandy called me as I was running out of the parking lot , and I happened to see her car in traffic sitting on MLK Boulevard . In Camden . So I ran over and threw myself drunkenly into the backseat , and tried not to act so drunk when I realized that her seventh grade brother was in the front seat . He was so sassy the entire night , I loved him . At one point I cursed in front of him , then apologized . He goes " It 's ok , I 've seen Happy Gilmore . It 's all good ! " The child is precious , minus the fact that the devil mocked me all night for being drunk . We met up with a bunch of friends there and had a great time heckling the batters and then watching them try to ignore us ( seriously ! so ! close ! I could have spit on them ) . The little brother got up to go to the bathroom some time around the sixth inning , and we didn 't really get worried until about ten minutes later when he still wasn 't back . When he finally did come back , he was crying so hard that he couldn 't get his story out . We finally got out " bathroom " and " pulled my pants down " before Mandy fled up the stairs with him . I followed , then hugged him and tried to calm him down and get the full story out . Another younger boy approached me and was able to tell me the whole story as a bystander . He said that there was a mentally challenged boy in the bathroom who was grabbing other boys , forcing them into the back stall and pushing them against the wall . He would them make them put their hands above their heads while he " patted " them down , finally pulling their pants down . I freaked . I left the little brother with Mandy again and happened to run into the mentally challenged kid as he was trying to walk out of the bathroom . I know how to calm down my cousin , so I told him my name , told him I was going to help him find his mom . And then he slaContact Hate / Love the blog ? Tell me here : |
The year my boy Danny turned six , my wife Penny and me took him down to Lexington and got him good and scanned because that 's what everybody was doing back then , and , like they say , better safe than sorry . He was a good boy and never got out of hand until he was seventeen years old and we got out of hand together . Around this same time Penny kept saying she was going to leave and stay with her sister in town . She said it enough that we stopped believing her , but the last time she said it , she did it . I remember the day and the hour . Friday , September 17 , 2024 . Quarter after five in the afternoon , because that 's what time her grandmother 's grandfather clock stopped when I kicked it over . Penny hauled off and slapped his mouth . " I didn 't raise you to talk to your father that way , " she said , and at that moment I was of two minds , one of them swelled up with pride at the way she didn 't let him mouth off to me . It 's the other one that won out . I reached back and gave her what she 'd had coming for a long time now . I didn 't knock her down , but I put one tooth through her lip , hit her just hard enough so she would come back to us when she was calmed down . She didn 't come back , though , and she didn 't go stay with her sister , who claimed not even to know where she was . One week , two , then on a Saturday me and Danny had enough . We hauled Penny 's mother 's pink - painted upright piano out the front door and onto the porch and then we pushed it off and picked up our axes from by the wood pile and jumped down on it . " You got to be careful , Danny , " I said . " There 's a tension on those strings that 'll cut you up bad you hit them wrong . " It was pure joy , watching him lift that axe and drive it into that piano . Up until then his head was always in books or that damn computer . Dead trees , I 'd tell him , got not one thing on milkweed and sumac , horsemint and sweet William . But now I wasn 't so sure , and now he 'd caught on . " It 's what you do with the dead trees , " he said , like he was reading my mind . I don 't know what came over us after that , and it 's not enough to blame it on our getting into the whiskey , which we did plenty . Penny had a old collection of Precious Moments figurines handed down from her own mama and grandmom . Children at a picnic , or playing the accordion to a bunch of birds , or hands folded in prayer , and nearly every little boy or girl wearing a bonnet . At first Danny said we ought to shoot at them - we had everything from assault rifles to a old Civil War service revolver that I 'd be afraid to try firing - but then one Tuesday morning - by now it was November , and the old dog pens were near snowed under - he found some of the yellowjackets I had caught in glass Mason jars and forgot about . He found them dead in there and I saw him looking at them and he saw me watching but didn 't say anything , just went upstairs and came down with my old orange tacklebox , which was where Penny kept her scrapbooking things . " You gonna scrapbook those yellowjackets , buddy bear ? " I said . After a while that stopped being fun , and it kind of took the shock away when every Precious Moment in the house was swarmed like that , plus we were running out of yellowjackets . " We got to get more minimal , " Danny said , and I could see what he meant . It 's like when I served my country in the African wars . You get to see enough dead bodies and before too long you get used to seeing them , and then you see another and it don 't mean one thing to you . But you run into one little live black girl with a open chicken wire wound up and down her face and maybe three flies in her cut up eye , that gets to you . So after that , we got strategic . We 'd put three yellowjackets right by a brown marbly eye , eye to eye . Or one , stinger first . Nobody but us had got to see what we had done to the Precious Moments until a few days later when Benny Gil , our postman , came by with the junk mail , and Danny saw him and invited him in for a glass of water , and he saw what it was we were doing with the wasps , and he said , " Son , that 's sick , " but he was smiling when he said it , and it was then I knew he was a person who could be trusted . Up until then , he 'd always been asking about my methadone , which I got regular from the pharmacy at St . Claire 's Hospital in town , on account of my back pain . He wanted to get some off me because he could trade it for other things he wanted . " I been watching , " Benny Gil said . He leaned back in the wooden chair , put all his weight on the back two legs . I could see by the look on Danny 's face he was still thinking about how Penny would say not to lean back like that because it could put another divot in the wood floor , which was the kind of not - important thing Penny was always worried about . There was a thousand or more divots in the wood floor , and by now another one just added a little extra character . Benny Gil leaned forward again , put his elbows on his knees so his face was closer to mine . " I know where Penny can be found , " he said . " She wants to be found , " I said , " and I don 't care to find her . " " Irregardless , " Benny Gil said . " Where is she ? " Danny said , and I shot him a look . Danny watched us through the window , and I wonder what it is he was thinking and wonder to this day whether whatever it was he thought had anything to do with what he did later . Surely he saw something changing hands between me and Benny Gil , and he must have seen us shaking hands , too . What he didn 't hear was Benny Gil saying , " God didn 't invent thirteen - digit zip codes for nothing , " or me saying , " How many ? " or him saying , " Sixteen , " or me talking him down to six . Six , I could spare , by careful rationing , and by grinding the white pills into white powder with my pocketknife , and snorting them instead of swallowing , which meant I could stretch out the supply until it was time for a new scrip . Believe me when I say I know a thing or two about pain . I was wounded twice in Liberia , and got radiation poisoning from the Arabs in Yemen . Once in Minnesota I split a fourteen - point buck in half on a old fossil fuel motorcycle and broke nearly every bone in my body and knocked one eye crooked , and it stayed that way until I could afford to get it fixed . But , son , you don 't know pain until you get what I got , which is a repetitive stress injury in my back from solar panel installations up there on roofs in the heat or the cold . So when the methadone ran out , I forgot about what I said before , and told Danny maybe if he knew somebody he ought to give him a call . Ben Holbrook was a skinny son of a gun , no more than maybe eighteen years old , pimple - faced , head shaved bald so you could see its lumps . Money was not a problem for us . Benny Gil wasn 't the only one on the government teat , he just had to work for his . Still , I didn 't like the way this bald zitty kid came into our house thinking he was the only one who could set prices in America . Soon as Ben Holbrook left , I went into the bathroom with my pocketknife and dropped two tablets on the sink counter and chopped them to powder and made a line . Then I put my nose low to the Formica and closed off my right nostril with a finger and snorted the line through my left . I must have left the door open a crack , because I saw Danny there , just outside , watching . He knew it was a thing I was doing , but I don 't think he ever saw me do it before . I knew good and well that wasn 't the type of thing I wanted him to see . Any other time I would have thrown a shoe at him if I caught him spying like that . But when you take your medicine through your nose , it hits your bloodstream fast and hard . That 's why you take it that way . So my first thought was to throw a shoe , but before that first thought was even gone the juice hit my bloodstream , and there was my boy , his eyes looking at mine through the crack in the bathroom door , and if I ever loved him I loved him more in that now than in any ever , and right alongside that first thought was the second , which came out my mouth the same time it came into my head , even though I knew it was wrong as I thought it and said it . " Boy , " I said . " Come on in here and try a line . " Some things you see like from outside yourself and from above , and that 's how I see what happened next . Right there , below , there 's big old me , and there 's my boy Danny , and I 'm coming around behind him , putting my arms around him like I did when I showed him how to line up a cue stick at Jack 's Tavern or sink a putt at the Gooney Golf , and he 's got the open pocketknife in his hand , and I 've got his hand in my hand , pushing down on it , showing him how to crush without wasting anything , how to corral the powder , how a good line is made . That 's me , leaning down , pantomiming to show him how . That 's him , fast learner , nose to the counter , finger to nostril . There 's the line , gone up like the rapture . Danny , standing up too fast because he don 't know any better , and the trickle of blood down his lip and chin , and me , tilting his head back , cradling it in the crook of my arm , putting the old Boy Scout press on his nose with a wad of toilet paper , saying , " Hold still now , baby boy , " and his eyes bright , and his cheeks flushed , and his voice like from a hundred miles away saying , " Lord , have mercy , " then , " Weird , " and us lying back , then , on the cold tile , his shoulder blades resting on my chest , both of us waiting for the hit to pass so we could take another . At first I thought he was talking crazy , but then he pulled himself out from under the bed and walked real close and put the purple jasmine one under his eye and struck a blue tip match and lit the wick , and soon as it started to burn his eye went all bloodshot and swelled up . Even still , I wanted to take up her case . " How was she to know ? " I said , but he was looking at me hard . " Turn around , " he said , " and look in that mirror . " And sure enough , my eye was tearing up and swelling and all the blood vessels were turning red . " The general neck of the woods , " I said . He went into me and Penny 's bathroom , then , and for some reason , even though we had being doing it together , I couldn 't go in there just then and do it with him . I could hear him , though , and then I heard a few more sounds I knew but hadn 't expected to hear , which were the sounds of him loading my old Browning 9mm , which I kept under the sink in case of emergencies . When I heard that , I got scared , because for a while now I had been feeling , like I said before , like things were getting out of hand , but now , him stepping out of the bathroom , hand around the grip of that nine , I had the kind of proof that makes it so you can 't look the other way any more . " I 'm not saying she don 't deserve a little scaring , " I said . " When the time comes you 'll see me front and center , taking the pleasure you and me both deserve after everything . But what I 'm saying is that the time isn 't come . Not yet . " I went into the kitchen and made some pancakes and made some extra and wrapped them in foil and put them in the refrigerator so he could have them later . Then I put some butter and maple syrup over mine and ate them and drank some milk and fell asleep in front of a old Wesley Snipes movie and figured when I woke up I 'd see if he didn 't want to put on his boots and go out into the Daniel Boone National Forest and hike for awhile and get cleared out the way the cold air will do you . When I woke up , though , the car was gone , and the extension cord for the battery charger was running from the living room out the front door , and I followed it on out to the side of the house where we parked the car , which was sure enough gone , and with juice enough to go to Lexington and back probably . That 's when panic kicked in , and I ran back into the house , toward me and Penny 's bathroom , knowing the Browning was going to be gone , but hoping it wasn 't , and when I got there and didn 't find it where it should have been , I figured there wasn 't any way I was going to see Penny alive again , but I was wrong . It was Penny who found him . It took some time , but after a while the authorities pieced together what had happened . Around six in the evening , they said , must have been the time I fell asleep . When the house got quiet enough , Danny went out to the shed and brought in the long extension cord and ran it to the car battery . While it was charging he loaded up three assault rifles , including the Kalashnikov 3000 , the one made to look like a AK - 47 , but with the guts of a MicroKal , laser gun and flamethrower and all . He took the Browning , too , and my Bowie knife , and his old play camo war paint , and a cache of armor - piercing bullets , although he never did use any of it except the 9mm . Then he sat down and ate the pancakes I had made , and washed the plate and knife and fork he had used to eat them off , and left them out to air dry . By time he got to Benny Gil 's house , he had worked himself up into something cold enough that Benny Gil didn 't argue , didn 't even need to be shown knife or gun to know it was in his best interest to give up Penny 's location and get Danny on his way . I don 't know what that means , exactly , except to say that Benny Gil is not a person I 've ever known or heard of to be afraid of anyone or anything . What Benny Gil told Danny was that Penny was staying with her sister 's husband 's nephew Kelly , a bookish boy we never knew well because he never came around to family things , probably because he , or more likely his mother , thought he was better than us , from what they call a more refined stock . Kelly was , by then , well to do , UK law degree in hand , specialty in horse law . He even had a office at Keeneland and another at Churchill Downs , and if he thought as highly of himself as he seemed to every year on the television , sitting there next to some half - dead Derby owner who needed a oxygen tank just to breathe , sipping a mint julep , then I 'm sure him and Penny made a fine pair . There 's no way to know it now , but my guess is that Danny , when he heard of it , came to the same idea I did when I first heard of it , which was that something not - right was happening between Penny and that boy , but I put it out of my head at the time because it was too horrible a thing to look at directly . At any rate , what happened next is the part of the story that got out into the world . Danny drove east on Interstate 64 , stopped at the Sonicburger in Mt . Sterling and ordered and ate a egg sandwich , then headed toward the big expensive stone houses by the airport , where Penny and Kelly was shacked up . When he got there , he rang the doorbell three times - that 's what Kelly 's security company came up with later - and nobody was home , and I guess he didn 't want to wait , and I guess he knew well enough what ended up being true , which was that there was something worse for a mother than to be killed by her son . At the funeral , the preacher and everyone else said that wasn 't the case , that Danny was sick in the head and that these things happen in the brain , something trips or snaps or misfires , and then somebody is doing something they wouldn 't do if they were themself . But I think that 's the kind of thing people say when what they want to do is make themselves feel better instead of look straight ahead at the truth and all its ugly . Because what I think and pretty near to know happened goes like this : At the funeral , they sat us both on the front row , but far apart from each other , with a bunch of her brothers and other male relatives between us so I would know clear as daylight that I was meant to stay away from her . But before the service got started , the preacher came over and asked if there were things each of us needed to say to the deceased , and we both said yes , but for me it wasn 't because I had anything to say to Danny . He was dead and gone and wherever it is he ended up , and that was hard enough to bear without making a show of telling him something he wasn 't ever going to hear . It was Penny I wanted to say some things to , and I thought maybe up there next to Danny she might in that moment have ears to hear them . Her brothers didn 't leave the room when the preacher asked , but they did go stand in the back and give what they must have thought was a respectful distance . Me and Penny went and knelt beside the casket , her near his head and me near the middle , maybe three feet separating us . She bowed her head to pray silently , and I did , too , although I didn 't right then have any words to say , and then she said some things to Danny too personal for me to repeat , although I don 't think it would be wrong to say that the things she said , if they were true , moved me in a way I didn 't think I could be moved by her . When she was done , she looked over at me . It seemed like she was able to keep from crying all that time until she looked into my eyes , and I was reminded that it was our looking into each other 's eyes that was happening while we were about the business of getting him made in the first place , and maybe that 's what she saw that finally broke her down when she looked over at me . Maybe that , and all the years we had together , the three of us , and how there wasn 't anyone else in the world who knew what those years were , and how there wouldn 't ever be anyone else again . It was right then , though I didn 't say anything at the time because it didn 't seem like the right time , that I decided I couldn 't live in a world where Penny would go on being as unhappy as she had been made to be . First thing the next morning I went down to Lexington again and went to the place where we had taken Danny when he was six years old to get scanned . It was gone , boarded up , the part of town where it had been now all but forgotten by people in business to make money . The only place in the storefront where the lights were still on was the WIC food stamp place , and I went inside and was told where to go on the Loop , to a part of town I remembered as Lexington Green but which was now called Stonewall . The business had changed its name too , was now called Livelong , and occupied a building the size of a city block . The woman at the front desk said my number was A83 , gave me a smartpad to fill in and told me to take a seat . By time they called my name I had run my fingerprint and verified all my information and watched the screen that said the scan we had got was old technology , and while the guarantee we had bought was still good , the Danny we would get would eventually wear out , but would not age the way the ones they could make now could . We 'd get him six years old , and six years old he would stay . Even though he was a kid , what he was saying was true , and I knew it then , and it made me want to pound the sense out of him , and even so I wanted what I wanted . I walked out of that Stonewall storefront that afternoon holding the warm flesh hand of a thing that moved and talked and looked for the life of me just like Danny did at six years old , and it was nearly unbearable , at first , to touch him or hear him say , " Now we 're going for ice cream , Daddy ? " and to remember the bargain we had made with Danny the day we took him to get him scanned . You be good through this , we 'd told him , we 'll take you to get whatever kind of ice cream you want . After that he wanted to go walk the old stone wall like we always did when we came to Lexington , so I took him down there and parked the car and got him out and hoisted him up on the wall , and held his hand to steady him as he walked on top of it , and he said , " Tell me about the slaves , Daddy , " so I did what I used to do and told him about how all the black people in Kentucky used to belong to the white people , and how this very wall he was walking on had been made by their hands , one stone at a time , and the mortar mixed with probably some of their sweat and maybe some of their blood , too , still in it , and how even with all that Kentucky fought for the Union and could well have been the difference in that war . While I was saying it , I was remembering how I used to believe things like that , and the feelings that used to rise up in my chest when I said them , feelings of pride and certainty , and warm feelings toward my people I had come from . These were stories my own dad and granddad used to tell me and which I was now passing along to my own son , and this little Danny , walking along that wall , holding my hand , said the same thing the other little Danny had said in a moment a whole lot like this one but which couldn 't have been , if you think about it , any more different if it was happening on the other side of the world . He said , " It wasn 't right , was it , for people to keep other people to do their work for them ? How did anybody ever think it was right ? " Right then is when we went off the script . Could be that something was wrong with his making , or could be that I wasn 't leading him right , but right at that moment , he took a wrong step and fell . He didn 't fall off the wall altogether , but he caught his shoe on a stone that was sticking up at a bad angle , and when he fell , he caught his arm on another stone , and it cut deep into his skin , and when he tried to stand up , he pulled away and didn 't seem aware that his skin was caught on that rock . I guess they don 't build those things in such a way that they feel pain the same way you and me do , because as he stood up , the skin of his arm began to pull away from what was underneath , which wasn 't bone or sinew , but cold lightweight metal , what I now know they call the endoskeleton , and what began to drain from him warm wasn 't his own blood , but somebody else 's , and the reason it was in there wasn 't to keep him alive , but just to keep his skin warm and pink , just to make him look and feel like someone alive . " Danny , " I said . He must have heard the alarm in my voice , and I could tell it scared him . He looked down and saw his metal arm , the skin hanging off it , and the blood pouring out in a way that wasn 't natural , and then he gave me a look that sank my soul , and I realized what I should have realized before I signed what I signed , which was that I had got them to make a boy out of something that wasn 't a boy . All that was in his head was all that was in Danny 's head a long time ago , back when Danny was himself someone different than who he became later , and it wasn 't his fault . He didn 't know what he was , and the sight of it was more than he could handle . He was real quiet all the way home . He just stared straight ahead and didn 't look at his arm and didn 't look at me . Near Winchester I asked him if he wanted to hear some music , and he said all right , but we couldn 't find anything good on the radio . " How about the football game ? " I said , and he said all right again , and we found the Tennessee Titans and the Dallas Cowboys , and I made a show of cheering for the Titans the way we always had , but when he said , " How come all their names are different ? " I didn 't have a good answer , and after that I asked if he wouldn 't mind just a little quiet , and he said he wouldn 't mind , and I leaned back his seat and said , " Why don 't you just close your eyes and rest awhile ? It 's been a long day and I bet you 're tired . " It was dark when we got to the house . I parked the car by the bedroom window , then went around to his side and picked him up like I was going to carry him sleeping to bed . I held him there in the dark for a little while and thought about that , carrying him up to bed , laying him there , laying his head on the pillow , pulling the covers up around his shoulders , tucking him in . It would have been the easiest thing to do , and it was the thing I wanted to do , but then I got to thinking about Penny , and sooner or later , I knew , she would have to be brought in on this , and even though I thought I had done it for her , I could see now that I had really done it for me , like maybe if I showed up with this little Danny she would come back home and the three of us could have another go of it . But already this little Danny was wearing out . I could feel it in his skin . He wasn 't warm like he was when I had picked him up , I guess because the blood had run out of him on the stone wall . He was breathing , but he was cold , and a little too heavy compared to what I remembered . There wasn 't any future for him , either . I got to thinking about how if I put him in school , everyone would get bigger than him fast , and it would get worse every year , the distance between who he was and who his friends were becoming . He was stirring a little , so I put his head on my shoulder , the way I used to do , and patted his back until his breathing told me he was asleep again . Then I went around to the front of the house and reached up to the porch and took down my axe from the wood pile and went off into the woods , down the path I had mowed with my riding mower a few weeks back , and which was already starting to come up enough that I had to watch my step . I kept walking , him on my shoulder , axe in my free hand , until I reached the clearing . Then , careful not to wake him , I unbuttoned my jacket and got it out from under him and took it off and laid it on the ground . Then I laid him down on it and made sure he was still sleeping . Then I lifted up the axe and aimed it for the joint where his head met his neck and brought it down . In the split second right before blade struck skin , I saw his eyes open , and they were wide , and what I saw in them was not fear but instead some kind of wonder , and then , fast as it had come , it was gone , and all I could tell myself , over and over , was It 's not Danny . It 's not Danny . Morbidly fascinating story . You got me at " my boy Danny " and didn 't let go until he wasn 't Danny anymore . Great storytelling , Kyle . I love the seamless blending of genre , showing that heart and human experience knows no genre restriction , and great literature is simply great literature . What a voice . Tweaks our notion that the future will somehow eliminate dialect and region . Amazing . Had me reading faster and faster . Got me to thinking about all of the little decisions I make today and wondering which ones will give birth to future regrets . Great work , Kyle ! Whoa , that was a punch in the gut ! Never heard of Kyle Minor , but am certainly going to be on the look out for more from him . Really liked the future premise mixed with the backwoods narrative . 13 - 52 . Forty Stories 11 . Alaska 10 . The Cure 9 . The Great Frustration 8 . Remove Yourself 7 . Sunshine Cleaners 6 . The Infusions 5 . Map of the City 4 . Report on Internet User 3 . Estrellas y Rascacielos Our Friends |
February 12 , 2017Humour , Macabreapocalypse , canned goods , mutt , survivalAlex McGilvery " Say something , blast you ! " Jack yelled at the mannequin . He knew he was losing it , but why should he always be the one to carry the conversation ? " You cheap bit of plastic . We 're through . " He pushed her over onto the pile of clothes and walked away . It hadn 't taken long after the apocalypse had been inconsiderate enough to leave him behind for him to start losing what used to be referred to as sanity . Now that he was the only one left the whole question of what was and wasn 't sane was up for grabs . Jack peeked back at the mannequin but she had her hand up in what clearly meant to be a rude gesture . Let her stew for a while . Yap trotted after him growling at his ankles . In all the movies he 'd watched the lone survivors were accompanied by loyal and intelligent dogs , big ones . Yap was an irascible little mutt who would have a hard time protecting him from a squirrel . The dog stopped and lifted his leg . " Yap , " Jack said , " how many times have I told you . Don 't pee on the canned goods ? " He walked over to the telephone . " Clean up on aisle four . Clean up on aisle four . " He waited but nobody came , so he went to the back of the store for the mop and bucket . He put on the blue vest and mopped up the puddle . Then he carefully hung up the vest and went back to his shopping . " We don 't have much of a choice today , boy . " Jack pulled his can opener from its leash and opened a couple of tins . He put one on the floor for the dog and spooned the cold beans into his mouth . He hated beans , especially cold , but he hated moving even more . But the shelves were dangerously empty . " Well , Yap , " he said , " It 's time we found another place to hang out . " The dog barked then trotted over to a shelf and lifted his leg . " OK , OK , I 'll pack the cart . " Jack put the last of the tins of food in the shopping cart along with a tent and sleeping bag from camping supplies . The final item was the shotgun and box of shells . There were predators out there . This was going to be a big move . He 'd cleaned out all the stores in this town . The next town was at least a week 's walk to the south . There would be stores there with shelves full of food . His mouth watered at the thought of eating something other than beans . They started out in the early morning . Yap trotting along attached to a leash tied to the cart . The dog hated the leash , but it was safer to keep him close . Jack pushed the cart along the road and basked in the warmth of the sun . He let Yap ride in the cart when he got tired . " Come here you stupid dog ! That squirrel will eat you alive . " The dog ignored him and ran around the base of the tree barking . Jack didn 't see the eagle until it swooped down and snatched Yap from the ground . Picking up the shotgun he shot at the eagle but it was long gone . Jack wiped at the tears that poured down his face . Here he was Jack , Survivor of the Apocalypse , crying over a stupid little dog . He looked at the shotgun in his hand . Maybe it was time to just end it . He was no heroic survivor ; he was just a freak . There was no reason he could think of why he was left behind . February 3 , 2017Horror , Humourbrains , cows , devil , horror , zombiesAlex McGilvery Little Joe squinted against the dust laden wind and counted cows , again . Dang , he hated counting past twenty . He could never keep track of whether it was the first or second time he was working through his fingers and toes . " C ' mon , get y ' er butt in gear , " Hank yelled and galloped off on his horse ; raising a new cloud of dust and making Little Joe lose count , again . He gave up and kicked his horse into a rough gallop . It felt like three legs were galloping and one was trotting . He clenched his teeth and held on . He could only imagine the reaction of the others if he fell off his horse . Hank pulled up by a big man on a big horse - the Boss . Mex and Hezekiah were already there with their bandanas pulled up over their faces . Little Joe yanked his horse to a stop and tried to fix the rag that was supposed to keep the dust out of his lungs . He coughed and spat before he recalled that his bandana was over his mouth . Hank rolled his eyes . " You must treat your horse better , " the Boss said . He frowned at Little Joe . " That horse may save your life someday , but only if it likes you . " " Yes ' r " Little Joe said . He figured if it came to him or the horse , the horse would let him die in an instant . He didn 't say anything . Hank said the Boss didn 't like back - chat and this was Little Joe 's first cattle drive . " We 're late starting this year , " the Boss said , " So you 'll be taking the herd through the Gulch by Devil 's Butte . That will cut at least two days off the drive . With this drought , there isn 't much water for the herd in any case . Make sure you let them drink at any chance you get . " " Let 's get this drive goin ' , " Hank said , " Mex , you 're on lead . Hez , you take the right , I 'll take left and Little Joe will chase stragglers . Make sure your guns are loaded and stay sharp . I heard there 's rustlers about . " " Well , she said she didn 't need it no more , " Little Joe said . Hank looked like he wanted to hit him , so Little Joe turned his horse and headed to the back of the herd . He tried spitting like Mex , but still couldn 't get it right . They pushed the herd out of the corral and up the hill toward the Gulch . Little Joe didn 't much like the sound of Devil 's Butte , but nobody asked him . The cows stayed pretty close to the herd so the only thing that Little Joe really had to deal with was the dust and the smell . They stopped the night and blocked the herd into a small canyon beside Devil 's Butte . The setting sun made the shadows sharp and threatening . The path up to the Gulch looked even worse than the one they had just ridden . Little Joe walked around the campfire trying to work the cramps out of his butt . " Or downwind of Hez , " Mex said and threw a clump of clay at Hez . The clump disintegrated and at least half went into the beans . Neither of the others noticed . All Little Joe could see was their eyes and teeth . The trail dust made all of them the same almost black colour . " Sit down and rest , " Hank said as he rode up . " You 'll be taking the first watch tonight . " He spat expertly into the fire . The beans tasted like clay , but at least they filled his belly . It was full on night and the moon made shadows that were even more threatening than the setting sun . Little Joe sat on his horse and stared at the herd . He tried counting them again , but he kept coming up with different numbers . He was surrounded by the soft breath of sleeping cattle and the loud snores of the three men behind him . It watched from the middle of the herd . None of the beasts touched him , but neither did they shy away . It was one of them . They ate grass , but its appetite was different . The men joked and farted until one by one they fell asleep . All but the one on horseback . That one sat playing with his gun and looking back at the fire . It began to move through the herd toward its prey . Little Joe tried to blink away the spots in his eyes . He counted the cows again . Then he saw the one with the horns . It had a kind of negative glow to it , like a candle that sucked in light instead of spreading it . It had a funny smell too , like the calf they 'd found in the spring that was mostly eaten by the vultures . The horse under him shifted nervously , then shied . Little Joe fell to the ground and his gun went off . The bullet blew through his horse 's head and the animal fell dead on top of him . Hank was going to kill him for sure . Little Joe tried to squirm out from under the dead horse , but he was trapped . He thought maybe his leg was busted . Then he stopped worrying about his leg . That strange cow was standing over him , it leaned its head down and breathed on Little Joe . Instead of the grassy smell of most cows , this one reeked of dead flesh . It opened its mouth and Little Joe saw that it had fangs . He only had time for one last thought before it crushed his skull and sucked his brains out . The shot woke Hank and he jumped to straight to his feet . Then he had to bend down to pick up his gun that was under the saddle he used as a pillow . So Hank didn 't actually see the Devil Cow eat his cousin 's brain . What he saw was the biggest , nastiest looking cow he ever laid eyes on staring at him over the body of a horse with black liquid drooling from its mouth . Mex and Hez must have woke as quick as he did because he heard Mex swearing in Mexican and English with some Latin prayers tossed in as garnish . Hank looked over to see Mex trying to load his gun with shaking hands . Hez wasn 't shaking . He pointed his gun at the cow and emptied all six shots into the beast . The cow didn 't bawl in pain though . It roared and bounded away up the rocks to the far end of the canyon . " Why it wan ' to go eatin ' Little Joe 's brains ? " Hez said , " It ain 't like there was much there . The beast 'll be starvin ' . " Hank wanted to smack the man for speaking against his dead cousin , but he couldn 't get his hand to put his gun back in his holster , ' sides he 'd been thinking pretty much the same thing . Dang , he was going to have to wear a suit to the kid 's funeral . If the kid wasn 't already dead , Hank would 've killed him himself . " If the critter eats , " Hank said , " It can die . Load up your guns and we 'll stand watch . I 'll watch the cattle . Mex you and Hez watch behind us . Keep yer back to the fire so you can see proper . They loaded up their rifles and filled their pockets with extra bullets . Now that he held a rifle , Hank was able to put his gun in the holster . He pulled the kid 's gun belt off him and put it on too . He felt better with two loaded guns and a loaded rifle . No Devil Cow was going to get the best of him . The smell was the first thing he noticed . It was as if the kid were already rotting . Hank stole a glance to check on the kid and swore when he noticed the kid was gone . He turned right around to try to see him . The Devil Cow came out of the herd just as Hank spotted his cousin sitting on a rock . The kid looked pretty good for someone missing half his head . Hank heard something and spun in time to shoot the Devil Cow with his rifle . The bullet knocked a fair sized steak off the beast , but it didn 't seem to notice . Hank was about halfway through emptying his revolvers into the Devil Cow when he felt the bullet burn through his back , his heart and out his chest . Mex didn 't know if he filled his pants before or after he shot Hank in the back . The odour floated up from his soggy drawers as he emptied his gun into the Devil Cow . He tried to pray to Mary the Mother of God for help as he fumbled his bullets into his gun , but he couldn 't remember the words . The Ave Maria came out half prayer , half curse . He shouted both at the Devil Cow as it walked through the campfire to bare its fangs and eat his soul . The last one was gone . The Devil cow didn 't care . Contained in the mind of one of its victims was the vision of a town waiting the arrival of the herd . The mind remembered the smell of the slaughter house and the rumbling fear of the cattle . It sounded like a wonderful place . The Boss looked at the still twitching body of Hezekiah on the scaffold . He didn 't believe a word of the man 's ravings about Devil Cows and the walking dead . It was obvious he was in league with rustlers and everyone knew the penalty for rustling . As he turned to go talk to the bank about the small matter of the money he owed on his missing cattle he saw Hank , Mex and Little Joe riding in . They looked terrible , but they were pushing his cattle ahead of them . He wouldn 't need to beg at the bank after all . " No , " Little Joe said , " It 's just beginning . " He leaned over and broke open the Boss 's head with his gun and scooped out the brains . His horse trampled the corpse into the dust as it bared its fangs and trotted eagerly into town . It led its herd to the slaughter and it was glorious . Such fear , such pain ! The Devil Cow drank it all in , but it was all too short . The last human fell beneath the hooves of the cattle . The Devil Cow pulled away from its minions and left them rotting along with its prey . The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog . Of course , being a lazy dog , it lay there and ignored the whole undignified scenario . The brown fox , really more of a reddish colour , rolled her eyes … " What a complete waste of time , " Matthew Q . Stanhaus said . ( The Q . didn 't stand for anything , but his agent had told Matt that he should have an initial . It added class . What it didn 't add was the ability to come up with a second story to match the first surprise runaway bestseller . ) " Sure it will , " Bill said . " Free form writing always gets the juices flowing . All my authors get stuck , and this is how I get them going again . Give it time . " " Then you had better get started . " Bill showed no mercy . He sat back with his coffee and waved at the keyboard . Matt grunted and started banging on the keys again . " I am the quickest , baddest brown fox ever to run circles around any dog , lazy or no . In my corner of the jungle no one lays a hand on me . I don 't care if you are Cujo or a taco dog ; you ain 't comin ' close to this fox … . " " That 's even lamer than the first one . All we need is someone singing about bluebirds to make it complete . " Bill didn 't respond other than by wiggling his fingers in typing motions . Matt howled in frustration and turned back to the keyboard . These hounds weren 't lazy . They were all bark and growl and teeth . They had my scent and were in full cry . I needed to be better than quick if I wasn 't going to end up as their sacrificial fox . I ran and dodged through the concrete and steel that made up my jungle . I could hear them on my trail . Tires squealed and men shouted at each other . An occasional silenced shot buzzed past my ear . I was getting tired , and these dogs weren 't going to give up . They were getting paid to bring me down , and the people paying them didn 't care whether it was alive or dead … . Renard Brown staggered through the bayou . He could hear the hounds baying in the distance . A helicopter pounded almost overhead . He had no idea why he was here . One minute he was resting in his cell , the next guards were hustling him into a chopper . Renard Brown was quick , but he was also smart . Even the fastest fox needed to go to ground once in a while . He needed to wait for that dog to get lazy again . He sat in his prison cell , pretending to read , while the guards walked by looking for some excuse to enforce the rules . There were a lot of rules … " No , no , no . " Moaned the author . " That won 't work . " He cracked his back again , and looked at his agent . Bill was carefully not looking up . # @$#@((*%(*@ # $ Thought Fox Brown as he looked over his shoulder again . He had worked very hard to get arrested . Right now jail was the safest place for him . It wasn 't that Lupe didn 't have people on the inside , but they were lazy . They were up to a shiv in the lunchroom , or a bit of violence in the showers , but Lupe intended to keep him alive until he led her to what she wanted . So she had her pet D . A . cut him loose . If it was just money , Fox would have given it up a long time ago . He swore again as he spotted a couple of her hounds on his tail . It was time to get the jump on these dogs … John ' Wolfie " Mulholland scrambled away from the latest wave of zombies . They grabbed and pulled at him with their splintered fingers . Mrs . Dougherty was in the front row . She used to give him milk and cookies and listen while he ranted about the latest atrocity from school . Now she was trying to tear him apart . He kicked her knee and she fell to the ground . He felt sorry for her , but not sorry enough to die at her hands . It just wasn 't fair ! John 's rage brought him to his feet and he pushed the shambling neighbours away and made a break for freedom . His flight brought him to the edge of an escarpment where the fence had been crushed by a fallen tree . John ran up the trunk and leapt out into space . The escarpment was a two hundred foot bank of dirt and rock looming over the Humber River . It was possible to ride the loose dirt safely to the bottom . John had done it last year on a dare . His feet struck dirt and started a small landslide . He skipped and jumped to avoid the outcroppings of solid rock and splashed alive into the river . Then the first zombie landed beside him , head first , then it rained zombies . John dove under the water and swam out into the current and let it carry him away . Still warm enough that John felt no immediate need to get out of the water ; he let the river carry him away from the horrible life he already missed . Swine flu induced encephalitis was what the authorities called it - zombie flu . It disinhibited the infected by destroying their upper brain function . There were no survivors , except John who , apparently , was immune . He finally climbed out of the water and stripped off his wet clothes . His foster parents would have beat him for it . He didn 't care anymore . John used his hands to strip the water out of the fur that covered his body , relieved to be rid of clothes that didn 't fit quite right . His feet reacted before his brain could carrying him around a corner to where a mob of zombies had cornered a young boy . John yelled in rage and slammed into the group pushing them off the youngster . Zombies growled and mumbled , but they didn 't scream . The kid was also immune . Some of the crowd turned on John and he found himself fighting for his life . John kicked knees , punched throats and whatever else he could manage . But it wasn 't going to be enough , there were too many of them . Then a shotgun roared and the mob twitched as pellets tore through it . Again and again the gun blasted until the zombies ran off leaving John gasping on the pavement . The kid put the gun down and came over to him . " I left the gun in my bag . They caught me by surprise and I didn 't have time to get it . " The gun was slung over the kid 's shoulder . " I won 't make that mistake again , but we need to get somewhere safe . John heard a shower running . " Good , there 's still hot water , but it won 't last long . We 'd better share . " John stood under the hot water . He closed his eyes as it washed away both gore and despair . John squeezed to the side and opened his eyes to see his companion . The first thing he saw was that his rescuer was no boy . She was at least his age . The second thing was the soft red fur that covered her whole body . She put soap in his hand . She stepped out of the shower and dried off . Wolfie followed her . She walked past the clothes in the hall and curled up on the sofa . John lounged in a chair across from her . " It 's called Robson 's Syndrome . It 's rare , only a handful of cases in North America . " She stroked her side . " It causes the fur , and for some reason immunity to the zombie flu . " We wait a few weeks for the fever to pass , then we go and look for survivors . It will take a while but we 'll rebuild . We might even learn something . " April 12 , 2016Fantasy , HumourAlex McGilvery This isn 't a short short , but it is a favourite of mine . I don 't remember the contest it was written for , but it wasn 't a twisted fairy tale . I have a number of fairy tales twisted in a variety of ways . Some dark enough to make people worry about me . Cindy dug the shovel into the large pile of manure left behind by Cleopatra . The strong odour of the manure surrounded her and she breathed it in . Her sisters , step - sisters actually , could hardly stand to enter the barn , never mind help to clean it . Cindy loved the barn . It was her refuge from the annoyances of life in the manor house . She dumped the shovel load into the wheelbarrow and dug in for another load . It was truly astonishing how much one rather elderly cow could produce , both milk and manure . To Cindy 's mind they were of equal importance . The milk paid for the day to day expenses of the manor while the manure went to fertilize the garden patch that would feed them through the winter . It took several trips to the garden to bring Cleopatra 's contribution to the garden and properly dig it in around the vegetables , especially the large pumpkin . She was hoping to enter it in the fair . Cindy could have made just the one trip , but her step - mother didn 't think it proper for her to sling the wheelbarrow around like a common farm hand . Besides it took longer this way . " I doubt that very much , " the girls ' mother said , " Cindy go wash . You must learn to be more careful . A lady doesn 't reek of the barn . " Cindy guessed she wasn 't much of a lady then , since she usually reeked of the barn . She knew better than to say anything . Her step - mother wasn 't too lady - like to wield a rod to chastise Cindy . Not that Cindy liked stinking to high heaven , but she saw it as an inescapable result of her efforts to feed the family . Her family , such as it was , was otherwise completely incapable of caring for themselves . Her father had been a successful and comfortable farmer . When he died , his second wife and her daughters discovered that it took a great deal of work to be successful farmers . Work that they were completely unwilling to put in . The farm was sold off piece meal until only the large ' manor ' house and barn remained with just enough land to plant a garden . She would have liked to have soaked properly , but the threat of Anatolia 's complaints drove her out the water . She dried off quickly and put her cooking dress on . It was an older mode with tighter sleeves unlikely to catch fire from the old stove . " Make sure you cut all the fat off my meat , " Zetta said . " You missed some last night . " She followed her sister out of the kitchen . Cindy had no idea what they did with themselves through the day . They never seemed to be very far apart . Her step - mother spent her days plotting how to restore the fallen fortunes of the farm without actually going so far as to do any work . Cindy was content with the way things were . She couldn 't manage a large farm by herself . Right now she was just able to keep the balance between being busy and being able to finish her work . She supposed some people would be upset by the demands of her step - family . But Cindy would be doing all the work anyway . After changing her dress for dinner and eating with the others she did the dishes . The last thing she did every night was milk Cleopatra . It was dim in the barn and the old cow mooed a welcome to Cindy . She set the stool beside the cow and set the bucket in place . Cindy marvelled that this last remaining cow continued to give milk in generous amounts . When the milking was done she put the milk in the cool urn , then spent some time brushing Cleopatra . Then put down fresh straw for the cow and fill the manger with hay and the trough with clean water . " Dratted birds , " she mumbled as she put on her barn clothes and went out to milk Cleopatra . She patted the old cow and went through the chores . After breakfast her step - mother sent her into town to buy a couple of things . " If I send Zetta , she will complain bitterly , " her step - mother said , " then come back with all the wrong things to punish me . Anatolia would just spend the money on sweets . Get on with you . " She put the few coins into Cindy 's hand . " You will take far too long with all your talking to people , but I know you will buy what I tell you . So instead of working in the garden , Cindy put on her nice dress and walked into town . She didn 't mind much . She hadn 't seen her friends in a while . She wandered through town picking up the few things on the list from the merchants . She greeted each one by name and they treated her well though she was only spending a few pennies . In the centre of town there was a crowd gathered by a poster . Those who could read were standing near the poster and announcing its contents to everyone else . The exchange unsettled her . She enjoyed the farming , but was it what she wanted for the rest of her life ? She imagined herself married to one of Bill 's older brothers . They had a whole herd of milk cows and chickens too . She would be doing chores from dawn to dusk . She didn 't mind the work , but there would be nothing else . She thought of Bill 's mother 's eulogy last year was summed up in five words . " She was a hard worker . " Cindy found herself imagining what she would wear to the ball . The prince stalked through the halls of the palace hoping that some servant would be foolish enough to get in his way ; maybe that pert new servant girl from his mother 's wing of the palace . Imagining her heart - shaped face cowed with fear made him smile . He shook his head angrily . No smiles . The prince was a person to be feared today . No one feared someone prancing about with a silly grin on their face . " Humph , " The King glowered at him and tapped his fingers on the arms of his chair . " You 're too wild right now . You need to settle down and start producing heirs . " " Those bulls have value , " he said finally , " all you do is cause trouble . I wanted to find you a nice princess , but you 've scared them all away with your antics . So you will have to find someone from around here . " " If you won 't choose a wife , then I will choose one for you . Be sure that I will have the future needs of the kingdom in mind . " The prince imagined the bride his father would select for him , some sturdy woman with a strong constitution and no grace . He shuddered . " I am throwing a ball , " The King put his hand down and ran his hand across the arm of his chair . " for all the maids in the kingdom . You will choose one to be your wife . When your heir is apparent , I will consider making you my formal heir . " The prince left the room very carefully not slamming the door . The King was not someone to be trifled with . As soon as he rounded the corner out of King 's quarters he let his boots slam into the stone floor and twisted his face into a scowl . He was no prize bull to be set out to stud ! Though to be honest , he had … collected quite a herd . He leaned against the wall and went through their faces in his mind . " Cleopatra ! " Cindy ran out to the barn . Sure enough , the old cow 's stall was empty . She stormed back into the house and interrupted her step - mother measuring the cloth against her step - sisters . She refused to come out to cook or clean . Her step - mother gave up on her and even went as far as to wedge the door closed with a chair . Anatolia came and begged her to cook . Zetta came to sneer and complain . Cindy ignored them all . She pulled out an old dress of her mother 's that had hung in the back of her closet for as long as she could remember . It used to smell of her mother , now it just smelled musty . Cindy aired the dress out and tried it on . It was loose in some places and tight in others , yet fit surprisingly well . She spent some time altering it as best she could while she tried not to hear the steady tramp of feet in and out of the house . They would never be able to pay for all this fuss . Her step - mother was going to put them out on the street . There wasn 't much left to sell . The day of the ball came and Cindy carefully rolled the dress up and fit it into a pillow case . She held the case as she climbed down the trellis outside her window . The only place she could think to change was the barn . She put on the dress and tried her best to tidy herself . " Farmer Jones needs a new wife . He 's had his eye on this farm for a while . Since you like farming so much , it is a perfect match . He doesn 't care about this ball since he only has sons . " " You will do what I say , girl , or some sad accident will befall you . I did it before ; I can do it again . " She pushed Cindy back into the barn and slammed the door closed . The bar outside dropped with a bang . All the other doors would be barred too and there was no trellis to climb down . She felt like she was going to burst . She kicked and pounded on the door , but though it was old it was still all too solid . The sound of horses pulling a carriage came through the door and she collapsed into tears . This really was it . There was no escape from her future life as Bill 's step - mother . She was younger than he was ! If it had been someone else it might have been funny . She wasn 't sure how long she had sat , huddled against the door before she noticed a strange light coming from Cleopatra 's stall . Cindy got up to investigate . She walked to the stall and peeked around the door . Busily cleaning the stall with a tiny broom was a women who didn 't stand as tall as Cindy 's waist . " Don 't fret about it , " the woman said , " It will just give you wrinkles . " She waved her hand and a ball of light floated up above them . " Now , let me get a good look at you . " She made spinning motions with her hand and Cindy slowly turned around . " I know that dress has sentimental value , but it just won 't do . " She waved her hand again and the sudden weight of a beautiful gown draped from Cindy 's shoulders . She struggled to breathe . " Ah , ah , " the woman said , " don 't fuss . " She led the way out into the barnyard . The moon was just rising and gave the place a magical glow . The woman walked over to the garden and peered at the pumpkin . Cindy shuddered and turned away from the garden . The woman waved her hand and the pumpkin exploded into a fine coach . Two unwary rabbits became horses to draw the coach , another became a driver . " Here are the rules , child , " the woman was taller than Cindy now , " You have until midnight to capture the prince ; no later , not one second after midnight . At the fading of the last stroke of midnight the spell will end . Don 't worry about leaving early ; I 've given you a little advantage . The poor boy won 't be able to resist you . Just leave before the last stroke of midnight and you become the next princess . Stay any later and I won 't be responsible for what happens . " She smiled brightly . " But I know you will follow the rules . Now get your pretty glass slippers into the carriage and go . " Cindy climbed into the pumpkin carriage and the rabbit horses dashed away . She pulled up to the palace much sooner than she expected . More magic probably . She wondered briefly about how her mother might have met such a strange person , but she didn 't have time to dwell on it . The guards helped her out of the carriage and sent it off . Cindy walked through the hallways in a daze . Torches lit the way and highlight gold framed portraits and marble sculptures . Her glass slippers clinked faintly on the stone . What would it be like to live here ? She finally arrived at the doors to the ballroom . Bill stood by the door pulling at the neck of his uniform . His eyes widened when he saw Cindy . " My father is getting married again , probably to some widow who will do nothing but complain about how the place is run . My brothers are farmers , but I want something different . This is the first step . " " Nothing , never mind . " Cindy took a deep breath . " You 'd better open those doors and let me in . By the way , I 'm supposed to leave at midnight . Let me know when it gets close . " The room looked like something out of a fairy tale . The walls were draped with fine cloth , a long table groaned beneath the weight of more food than Cindy 's farm grew in a year . Musicians on a balcony played a sprightly tune . Though the floor had been polished to a mirror - like shine , the glass slippers gripped it comfortably . In this setting magic was easy to believe in . Then she noticed the reek of desperation . The huge room was filled with young women who wore grim faces and glared at each other , while they shot fear filled glances at the prince . He was dressed in white and was surrounded by other men in shades of grey and black . They danced with young women while the prince lounged on the throne that had been set at the far end . He was making no attempt to hide his boredom and contempt . It was shocking how ugly a beautiful room could be made by the presence of the wrong person . The women who should have been laughing and enjoying themselves were dressed more by their fear or avarice than their fine clothes . The men wore their lust like finery . She shuddered . Cindy was almost ready to turn around and take her chances with Farmer Jones , when her eyes met those of the prince . The prince was inescapably bored . The women hovered around him . They giggled nervously or tried to act like they weren 't just farmer 's daughters overdressed for the night . There were two girls who wore hideous dresses , one was stuffing her face at the buffet while the other scowled at everyone who approached her . Another girl curtsied in front of him and he twirled his fingers , she stared at him . " Turn around , " he said , and rolled his eyes . She gulped and attempted a pirouette slipping and falling to her knees then ran off weeping . The door at the far end opened to let in some cow who couldn 't tell time . He glanced up to see what new torture was to be visited upon him and his eyes met hers . Somehow his greeting turned into the first steps of a dance . The orchestra sat up straight and started playing the music for his dance . There was a collective sigh and the other girls started eyeing up his attendants in grey for possible dancing ability . Whatever dance he began she followed , she laughed at his jokes and not just a nervous titter either . He filled her plate with food and her cup with wine . As the evening progressed he paid less and less attention to the other people who inhabited the room . One of his guards started making odd gestures at them . He glared at the man , someone who had just joined up that day , he 'd have him flogged and cast out , but only after he had finished with this most enchanting woman . He led her out to the patio where they were out of view of the crowd . The music was quieter here , but he was content to just hum along . No conversation was necessary with those extraordinary eyes on his . He heard the clock begin to strike midnight , time to end this farce of a ball . He would marry this woman and they would rule the kingdom as soon as the old man had the decency to die . The whole evening had been very strange , as if riding to a ball in an oversized pumpkin wasn 't strange enough . From the moment their eyes met the prince hadn 't left her side . Cindy had watched as desperation faded to resignation and the other girls started looking for matches not quite as lofty as a prince . He insisted on feeding her and plying her with wine . It was probably the wine that made her forget about the time . She was feeling quite tipsy by the time he pulled out onto the patio . At least there was a pleasant breeze blowing out here . The prince was humming along to the music with a fatuous grin on his face . Unfortunately the prince was considerably stronger than her , and very determined that she not leave . As the clock hit the final stroke she gave up and shrugged . He would have to see what he was getting sooner or later . " Of course she did , " the prince rolled his eyes . " Well at least let me get a decent look at you . Turn around . " He waved his hand at her . Just her and the prince out here . The pleasant breeze of a moment ago turned chill and raised goosebumps on her arms . She crossed her arms to warm herself . " Blast you stupid cow ! " the prince shouted , " I will see what you have . " He grabbed her dress and wrenched at it . Cindy heard the fabric of her mother 's dress tear and the chill wind blew across her breasts . He grabbed at her and twisted her flesh . Cindy didn 't know whether to curse herself or her mother 's friend . She settled on kneeing the prince between the legs . He stopped fumbling with his pants and went a little cross - eyed . " Guards ! " he screamed . " Guards , arrest this woman ! " His fists clenched and he looked like he wasn 't going to wait for the guards before doing more damage . Cindy sighed and gave him a proper kick . His eyes rolled up into his head and he fell to the ground . She gathered the remnants of her dress about her and looked for an escape . " So now I guess you have to arrest me . " Cindy held her hands in front of her . The wind caressed her skin . Bill 's eyes widened and he whipped off his vest and wrapped it around her . " Come with me , " he said his voice breaking . He put his arm around her and pulled her into the darkness as other guards came running past . None of them paid them any attention . " Don 't know where the dungeons are , " Bill said as a familiar smell filled her nose . " I rode Blackie here when I came to work . I expect he 'll be glad to carry me away again . " He held her gently by the shoulders . " I 'm no prince . I 'm just the youngest son of an old farmer . " " Youngest sons are supposed to be lucky . " Cindy put her finger on his lips . " And right now I 've had my fill of princes . " She helped him get Blackie out of his stall . Bill lifted her up , then jumped up behind her . Cindy could hear shouts approaching . April 1 , 2016Humour , Short shortsdestruction , fence , mad grannyAlex McGilvery This is one of those stories which start from a phrase . " It seemed like a good idea at the time . " I enjoy writing stories in which things spin completely out of control and this is one . I really did build a fence , and goons did kick in lattice work sections . The rest is completely fictional . It seemed like a good idea at the time . I had put up a new fence around my property . It was straight and true - a thing of beauty . Even my neighbours liked it . The fellow on one side was no longer offended by my untrimmed bushes . ( He cut his hedge with a level and kitchen shears . ) The guys on my other side liked it because it gave them more privacy for their partying and kept their guests hemmed in . The old woman across the road didn 't say anything , but she sniffed significantly less often while walking past ignoring me . Even my dogs liked it . It meant they could run free in the back yard , and I had put in a panel of lattice work so they could watch people going by . That lattice work started the whole thing . The neighbourhood thugs thought it was amusing to kick it in on the way home from whatever they were doing at two in the morning . I got tired of replacing it and bought one of those wireless spy - cameras and hid it on my garage where I would get a good shot of the perpetrators . A couple of minutes later it was recording video of my lattice on a 160 gig drive . Enough for an entire night 's surveillance . It was a week later I caught my daughter and her friends watching a video on their computer . They were hysterical with laughter . It lasted about five minutes . Some boys were walking under a street - lamp . They stopped in front of a house and started making rude gestures . After a minute an old woman in a bathrobe came running out with a broom and screaming at them . The punks ran away laughing and she went back inside . It was completely disrespectful , but I was laughing too hard to give the girls a lecture . It was titled " Mad Granny of Dublin " . They showed me others , all similar except for the weapon ; sometimes it was a broom , sometimes a mop , once it was a toilet plunger . Then I noticed something in the earliest video . The angle was slightly different , and it showed my lattice . I sat down and tried to figure out how many laws I was breaking , and who had shifted the focus of the camera . I decided to just remove the camera and not say anything , but I couldn 't find it . I decided to leave well enough alone . Then the long weekend arrived and the boys next door threw the inevitable party . They were loud , boisterous , and rude , but they left a six pack of my favourite beer on my porch as half apology , half bribe . I had learned to drink the beer and ignore them . The woman across the road who I continued to think of as the Mad Granny , would walk up and down the street and sniff at them . I don 't know if she was trying to scare them or flirt with them . She wore a black sports bra and a pink mini - skirt . When she dropped her cigarette she would flash her Depends . My other ultimately fussy neighbour just climbed into his black Mercedes and zoomed off . It was a typical party weekend . At two o ' clock the party was still going strong and the punks came by for their amusement . Only this time they had a live audience . " It 's the Mad Granny , " cried an inebriated voice , " I 'm going to get in the video . " From my place on the porch I was too far away to suggest that it was a bad idea , even if he would have listened to me . The next thing I knew two of the guys have climbed into a gargantuan red pick up truck and driven it up into the Granny 's drive . They put on the high beams and waited . They didn 't have long to wait , she came out with her robe flapping wide open , a bottle in one hand and a shotgun in the other . She threw the bottle which smashed on the windshield . I heard gears clashing as they tried to get the truck into reverse . They managed just as she shot out one headlight then the other , all the time cursing a blue streak . The truck backed straight across the street and through my fence , yard and fence on the other side . It crashed into the backyard pool which promptly collapse sending thousands of gallons through my yard washing my gazebo and lawn furniture into the street . The neighbour in the black Mercedes chose that moment to roar up the street . He swerved to avoid the furniture and skidded across the flooded street to slam into the light post . The cement post fell across another section of fence and crashed through the roof of my garage . Water poured into the hollow post and with a bang shorted out all the lights on the block . |
When she was five years old , Jhen relentlessly asked us if she could be baptized . My husband , Jim , and I were hesitant - neither of us were keen on infant baptism , and we weren 't sure Jhen knew exactly what it meant to be baptized . She had prayed at the dinner table to receive Jesus into her heart many weeks previously , but baptism ? Such a big step for a such a little lady ! One day , after worship service , our little lady ran off , and we were quite upset : it was against our rules to run off away from our line of sight . We eventually found her talking to our Pastor , and the scolding I was about to give her never happened as I watched her skip happily toward us , her face beaming . " I told Pastor I want to be baptized , " she announced breathlessly . " I told him I already asked Jesus into my heart a long time ago . " A few nights later , Pastor came over to counsel her . He talked to her about salvation , being born again , growing spiritually , et cetera , and he did his best to use words a five - year - old could understand . I sat in another room and asked the Lord to lead and guide Pastor and us as we " witness " to our little girl . We didn 't want to be hindrance to her spiritual growth , but baptism ? Such a big step for a such a little lady ! After Pastor left , I tried to talk to her and ask her about her decision , and all she did was complain about the fun she was missing outside as her sister and friends played . Oh , well , I thought to myself , so much for that . Baptism ? Too big a step for such a little lady . Later that evening , I was eventually able to coax her with a fudgesicle to join me in the back patio to have our discussion . I asked her if she knew what sin was . She said sin was doing something that makes God sad . I asked her if she ever sinned , and she said yes , and that made her a sinner . I asked her what sin does . She said it keeps people from being with God . I asked her if she knew what Jesus did for her sin . She told me Jesus ' blood washed away her sins when He died on the cross ; she went on to say that sPosted by In a heartbeat , two souls meet and suddenly two hearts beat as one . In a heartbeat , a harsh word or an angry glare changes the course of an evening , but in the next heartbeat , a gentle word of love and grace changes the course of a lifetime . In a heartbeat a dream becomes reality , and a shell of a house becomes a home filled with love and laughter . In a heartbeat , reality becomes a nightmare , and a life full of love and laughter becomes an empty shell , and the heartbeat stops . In a heartbeat , the world falls apart as a heart shatters in a million pieces and nothing will ever be the same . But in each broken piece is a heartbeat . In a heartbeat , there is hope . In a heartbeat , there is healing . In a heartbeat , there is life . One heartbeat at a time . We miss you . Our hearts are broken that you are no longer with us , but we will go on , one heartbeat at a time , until we meet again . Until then , rest with Jesus as we rest in Him . Exactly a year ago today , I received a phonecall from my brother that my nephews were in a serious car accident . One of them walked out of the hospital the same day . The other did not . The first seven days , we didn 't know if he would ever make it out of the hospital . The rest is HIStory - - how God used what could have been a tragic accident and turned it into a triumphant incident . When Jimmy was about 8 years old , he collected trading cards , mostly basketball cards . There was always something about the way his eyes would light up when presented with a fresh , unopened pack of trading cards . He would carefully PEEL the packet open , and then slowly fan the cards to see if he got a " good " one . He would set aside the cards he deemed were " worth SO much " ( mostly Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant ones ) and then discard the rest of the pack into his " give to Momma 's class " stack . He was meticulously careful about not folding corners , leaving smudge marks , and keeping his valuable cards in mint condition so as not to lose their value . One day , some friends we hadn 't seen in a long time came over for a visit . Jimmy wanted so much to give something to these friends , so he asked his dad and me if we would care if he gave a gift to his friends . We told him , no , we didn 't mind , and that he was being very thoughtful and generous . While the grown - ups visited , the young ' uns traded cards , and we heard squeals of delight , and Jim and I shared a secret smile , knowing Jimmy had just bestowed his gift upon his friends . Later , after they had left , we asked Jimmy how his gift - giving went . He said his friends LOVED his Kobe Bryant mint condition rookie card . HIS KOBE BRYANT MINT CONDITION ROOKIE CARD ! His dad and I saw red when we heard . " Son , you had all these other Kobe Bryant and Michael Jordan mint condition cards - triples of them ! Why didn 't you just give away the ones you had a lot of ? That was your one and only rookie card ! That was worth a lot ! " I cried . He looked at us , puzzled . " I know that , Mom . That 's why I gave it , because it was worth a lot . If I gave them one of the other ones I had extras of , I wouldn 't have been giving a gift , I would have just been getting rid of a card . " Then he went back to rearranging his trading cards . One day , Jhen got grounded for not doing her chores , so she was confined to her room for the remainder of the day . It happened to be a particularly beautiful day , so Jacky and Jimmy went outside to play in our big backyard . While Jacky and Jimmy frolicked in the immaculately kept grass , Jhen was in her room with her face pressed against the window , watching her sister and brother as they enjoyed the freedom of the outdoors . " Daddy , can Jhenny come out to play ? " asked Jacky . " She 's grounded , " replied Jim , " so she has to stay in her room . " " But she 's looks so sad and lonely , " observed Jacky . " Can 't you please let her out early ? " " She didn 't do as she was asked , and she was warned . If you don 't want her to be lonely , you could always go inside and keep her company , " suggested Jim . " But it 's such a pretty day , Daddy . It 's a day made for playing outside ! What can I do to convince you to let her come out and play ? " Jacky ventured . " What do you suggest ? " countered Jim . " Well , if you let her play with us today , I 'll take her place tomorrow , " Jacky offered hopefully . " You 're willing to be grounded tomorrow just so Jhen can play today ? " asked Jim with surprise . " Yes , Daddy . Please , let her come out to play ? " insisted Jax . " But Jacky , you 're supposed to go to Disneyland tomorrow with the Buskirks ! " reminded Jim . Jacky looked back at the window where her sister was longingly watching Jimmy , and a momentary shadow crossed her face as she thought about what her dad had just said . Then , with tears in her eyes as she thought of the sacrifice she was about to make , she said , " I know , Daddy . But it 's today that I want Jhenny to come and play . So if you let her come out and play now , I 'll be grounded for her tomorrow . I won 't go to Disneyland with Heather . I 'll call her , she 'll understand . " Jhen got to go outside to play in the sunshine with her brother and sister , and Jacky still got to go to Disneyland with Heather and the Buskirks . Thou shalt have only God before each other . Your relationship to God should be the only one more important than your relationship to each other . No one else , not relatives , parents , children , nor friends , should come between the two of you . Thou shalt not make unto thee any ideal images of each other . Accept your spouse as he or she is , not how you would want him or her to become . Let God be the One to make the changes in both of you . Don 't place undue or unfair expectations on each other . Thou shalt not take the vows you have spoken in vain . Your marriage vows are more binding than any contract you will ever sign . They are spoken before your friends , family , and your God . To take them lightly would make a mockery of what God has made holy . Remember thy anniversary and keep it holy . Yes , holy . Holy means set apart . Each day with each other should be special , but set this day apart to remember and rekindle the fires of your early times together . What you do or give does not have to be expensive , it just has to come from the heart . Honor thy spouse 's mother and father . Remember , anyone who could love your spouse as much as you do can 't be all that bad ! Keep them in your prayers , as God will use them to give you wise counsel just as He would use your own parents . Thou shalt not kill thy spouse 's self - confidence . Words spoken carelessly can kill motivation or confidence . Instead , choose your words wisely so that you may build and lift each other up . Then back up your words with actions that show how special you think your spouse is . Thou shalt not steal time from each other . Your time spent together is special and you must guard it carefully . Do not let the matters of the world take away from your joy in each other . Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy spouse . Put - downs and insults , even in jest , can wound deeply . Instead give well - deserved praise and avoid criticism . Remember that " constructive criticism " rarely is . Speak highly of your spouse to others , and the only person who should hear your complaints aDusty Mommah Have you ever seen the ocean when it is calm and absent of whitecaps ? When it is dark , dark blue , shimmering with the light from the sun as it peeks over the horizon at sunrise , with the promise of a bright , new day ? That kind of blue . Have you ever seen the sky from 7000 feet , free from smog created by man ? When it is clear , dark blue , with not a speck of clouds , not a hint of storm , fresh with the promise of peace ? That kind of blue . Have you ever looked in someone 's eyes when there 's no one else but the two of you ? When those eyes are deep , dark blue , full of laughter , love , and life with the promise of friendship ? That kind of blue . Thank you , Lord , for the blues . Spell - A - Thons and Silver Dollars When Jhen was in kindergarten , one of the PTA fundraisers was a Spell - a - thon . All the kindergartners in her school were given a list of 50 words . They had two weeks to learn the words , and gather monetary pledges for each word spelled correctly . Students who spelled all the words correctly - a hundred percent - would also get a shiny , fresh - from - the - mint silver dollar . Jhen came home with her list , excited . Her goal was to get all the spelling words right for one reason only : she wanted that silver dollar . She vowed to do whatever it takes to learn all the words . " What would you do with that silver dollar ? " I asked . " It 's a surprise ! " she whispered with an air of mystery . She studied her words diligently , and nagged us to quiz her several times a day . At school and at home , she would write her words in order , again and again , going through several pencils and pads of paper . Before her prayers each night at bedtime , we would give her a " practice test " . I would correct her test , put a giant 100 % on top of it , and she would smile her secret smile as she got one night closer to her silver dollar . While I asked friends and neighbors for pledges , she asked God to help her " get a hundred " . On the night before The Big Spelling Test , as I was getting paper and pencil ready for her final practice test , Jhen stopped me . " I 'm not practicing tonight , Mom , " she informed me . " Tonight I 'm just gonna relax because I already know I 'm gonna get that silver dollar . " So she said her prayers , ending it with " and thank You for the silver dollar . " As expected , she came home the next day with the shiny silver dollar , still in a sealed cellophane bag . " Now will you tell me what you 're going to do with the silver dollar ? " I begged as I hugged her . She flashed a giant grin as she whispered in my ear , " I 'm gonna give it to Jesus ! " " Jesus will love it ! Dad and I and Jesus are SO proud of you - you worked so hard ! " I pulled out a dollar bill , and told hPosted by I used to love it when Uncle Bobby and his brothers would come down from San Francisco , because that meant learning new songs having a jam session with " the band " . Uncle Bobby taught me how to sing harmony - - the note that wasn 't written in , but he heard it in his head , so he had me singing the same section over and over and over until I got it right , and then he would bring all the vocal parts in one at a time until I got used to hearing MY part and how it sounded with the rest . I miss that . I also knew that I 'd learn a new song whenever he would visit . Sometimes he 'd call me ahead of time , tell me what song he wanted me to learn , and on what record I 'd find it . The following song is one of my favorites that he taught me . CHAPTER 7 I woke up that morning … well , I didn 't actually wake up because I hadn 't slept at all that night . Who could sleep when you had a date with Bud Stud ? OK , so it wasn 't a date , more like an after school field trip - - to a German movie with the German Club . The plan was for him to pick me up , and we would all go to Carl 's , Jr . and then to Ventura College where a German movie was playing . After that first note , we started writing each other letters ; not love letters per se , more like " I - think - I - might - like - you - like - a - lot - lot " letter , and we 'd exchange them during second period . He also started walking me to my classes , and even carrying my books . A couple of times , after school , he came over to my house during weed pulling time , and he helped me weed the lawn . He got more weeds pulled in ten minutes than I did in ten days . He even met me at the Ventura County Fair on the day of the parade - we had arranged to meet at the gate where the drill team was going to be dropped off . He told me that he had won a stuffed animal , but he gave it to Alice . He bought me lunch , but didn 't buy any for himself - he said he wasn 't hungry ( I found out later that it was because he was broke ) . We walked around in companionable silence until it was time for him to be picked up , and that was the end of that . As a senior , Bud Stud had last period dismissal , but one day , he surprised me by meeting me at my locker after my last class . He took my books from me , and began walking me toward the girls ' locker room where I had to get changed for drill team practice . When we stopped just outside the locker room , he shoved the books into my arms , and before my face could register surprise , he leaned over quickly , kissed the side of my mouth , and then took off running . The morning of the German Club movie was Oktoberfest , and I had the morning free from class . The first hour , I had free , but the next two I had to work at the Drill Team 's Orange Julius booth . We had agreed upon a meeting place , where he was already waiting when I got there . As soon as I said hi , a pair of boys with fake badges accosted me with a warrant for my arrest , which said someone had purchased a fifteen minute jail time for me for having long hair . Actually , it was two back to back sentences , both purchased by Bud Stud . To give him credit , he stayed outside the jail talking to me the entire time … he said he like having me as a captive audience . Once I was free , we walked around the quad and looked at different booths until it was time for both of us to serve in our respective booths . We agreed to meet again at lunch , which we did , and sat together on the grass in the middle of the quad . When the bell rang , we got up to walk to class , and right by the stairs where we usually parted ways at this time , he stopped and out of the blue asked , " Would you go out with me ? " He was waiting for me at the end of class , and handed me a slip of paper . " Here , " he said , " I 'll pick you up at 5 . " And then he was gone . I thanked , hugged , and kissed my mom , and then ran upstairs to get ready for my " date " . But before I started , I took down the other pictures off my Wall of Fame , including Bud Stud 's . I ripped up the others , but Bud Stud 's - I mean Jim Hammer 's - I pinned back on my wall , the one right next to my bed . That was 32 years ago . Today , for lunch , in celebration of the day he asked me to be his girlfriend , Jim " Bud Stud " Hammer took me out to lunch - at Carl 's Jr . where he took me for our first dinner date , right before the German Club movie . I 'm still his girlfriend , and he is still my Bud Stud . In May 1995 , after suffering from debilitating headaches for more than 5 years , I received news that that rocked my world , not the good kind . I had been going to a chiropractor for a year , to help with my headaches , and was waiting for my insurance company to approve neck therapy . The news came from Beaver Clinic 's Insurance Review Board : Request has been denied . Call your neurologist as soon as possible . I called my neurologist , and they had been waiting for my call . I was told to have someone pick up a neck brace from the clinic , and I was to wear it at all times , and I was not to drive , and I was to not to make any sudden , jerky movements , and I was to avoid being in a car as much as possible , since if I got rear - ended at a stop sign , it could be fatal , or at the very least , could cause permanent paralysis . So , I did what they said : went out only to church and medical appointments . I went to a neuro - surgeon , the best in the West Coast . He told me my problem : a congenital defect - - I was born without the dens ( that 's the bone on C2 that supports C1 and helps your skull pivot and roll ) . My neck muscles had been keeping C1 in place , but as I was getting older , the neck muscles were getting weaker . Whenever I look up , down , or turn left or right , C1 was sliding into my spinal cord , causing all kinds of problems with my organs and their functions . The solution : Take some bone from my hip , use it to fuse C1 and C2 together . Take 2 3 - inch titanium screws , and screw C1 and C2 in place . Just for good measure , take 24 inches of titanium wire , and tie C1 and C2 together . The good news : there is a 90 % chance of complete recovery ( just no more bungee jumping ) and only a 10 % chance of paralysis . The bad news : the procedure is so close to the brain stem that one little glitch could be fatal , but Dr . Abu - Assal was known for his steady hand . There is a 50 / 50 chance of surviving the procedure ( but 90 % recovery should I survive ) . I would have to wear a halo for 6 months ( that 's a brace that 's secured by four screws attached 1 / 4 Sunday , July 30 , 10 : 45 AM : Coming out of Sunday school , I lost feeling on my entire left side , and then I passed out . I was taken to the hospital , and they ran a slew of tests that ran into the next day . They bumped up my surgery to Monday , July 31 at 5 PM . Monday July 31 , 5 : 00 PM : several people from church were in the waiting room , praying . I had an I . V . already in , I had said see you later to Jim , and I was waiting alone in the holding area for the anesthesiologist . While I waited , I talked to God . I reminded Him I had a 9 - year - old , an 8 - year - old , and a 6 - year - old at home . I gave up my schooling to be home with them , and it would be cruel to take away their mom . I reminded God that I had given my spare time in service ; that if I wasn 't at home serving my family and friends , I was at church serving Him . I reminded Him that I was the best person to be the mom for my kids , and hadn 't He chosen me for them in the first place ? So I told Him I 'd better wake up from this surgery . Monday July 31 , 7 : 30 PM The surgical team came in with the news : No surgery that night . As they were setting up the instruments , they noticed that the screws were not the right kind . They were sure they got the right ones , but on the double - check , it was confirmed that the screws were not the 3 - inch titanium ones needed . They 'd been scrambling to find the right screws , making phone calls to other hospitals , with no luck . They ordered the right ones from the manufacturer , and at best they should arrive in 3 - 5 days . In the meantime , I couldn 't eat anything in case they have to do any emergency surgery for anything . Tuesday , August 1 , 5 : 00 PM : While other patients were being served dinner , I was frustrated , discouraged , and utterly defeated in my hospital bed . I had been reading my Bible and singing praise songs in my head all day , and by this time , I was ready to talk to God again . I thanked Him for my family and friends , for blessing me with the time at home with my babies , and for Jim who would continue with raising them in a godly home if IWednesday , November 1 , 1995 I was back at work as a substitute teacher . Today I am a living testimony of God 's love , grace , and provision . God 's way is WAY better than mine , and I am humbled to know that He kept me as the " best " wife and mom for Jim , Jhen , Jax , and Jimmy . I still pray " Your will , Lord , not mine . " I wrote the above blog originally many years ago . My prayer remains the same . Even now . 10 . 19 . 10 Lessons I Learned from My Kids ( When I Was Supposed To Be Teaching Them ) He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty . Psalm 91 : 1 On Heat and Shadows One particularly hot Sunday morning , when Jimmy was around 4 years old , I was detained on the way to signing Jimmy in to his Sunday School class . While I chatted with a friend , I watched Jimmy in front of me , looking like he was dancing his own version of the " Hokey Pokey " in the middle of the church courtyard . He lifted his right arm over his head , then straight out to his side . Then he stuck his right foot in front of him , then out to his right . He did the same thing with his left foot . When I was done with my conversation , I began to walk toward the Children 's Building , and Jimmy was intently watching the ground as he maintained an even distance ahead of me . Thinking to outwit him , I began to slowly walk in a zigzag path , and sure enough , he maintained the distance between us , but I remained behind him . When I stopped , he stopped . When I zigged left , he zigged left . When I zagged right , he zagged right . Finally , my curiosity got the best of me . " Jimmy , what are you doing ? " I asked . " I figured something out , " he replied , without turning to face me . " Look at your shadow , Mommy , " he instructed . " Can you see my shadow ? " he inquired . " Nope , " I replied , " I don 't . " " Now watch , " he commanded as he raised his hand over his head . " Now , do you see my shadow ? " he questioned . " Well , I see the shadow of your hand , " I answered . " Well , " he continued matter - of - factly , " every time I can see any part of my shadow , I can feel the hot on that part of my body that 's not in your shadow . So , I 'm staying in your shadow so I don 't feel the hot ! " Then he " followed " in front of me to his Sunday School class , making sure he was protected from " the hot " by staying in my shadow . Any part of ourselves that is not in the shadow of the Almighty will definitely " feel the hot " . CHAPTER 6 Bud Stud couldn 't wait to get home from the beach so he could get to his yearbook . According to Alice , two girls thought he was cute . He knew one of them - she had been in a couple of his Spanish classes with Mrs . Ontiveros , but he also knew she had a boyfriend . He 'd seen her at the park with Juan , and after that fiasco at the prom , he had made up his mind to stay clear of girls with boyfriends . He turned to the sophomore section of the yearbook , looked for her name , and at first glance , he thought to himself that his parents would never approve . His friend Rob flat out said , " NO WAY ! " His folks expected him to someday date a nice All - American girl - preferably blond and blue - eyed like himself . Nope , this was NOT going to wash with his parents , but he thought he 'd ask around anyway . None of his buddies knew her , but from what Alice had said , she was squeaky clean , didn 't have a boyfriend , drives a van with " JESUS SAVES " in red , glow - in - the - dark lettering on the back . Not a problem , as long as she doesn 't push religion down his throat . She was also on drill team , and they were practicing at school everyday for the rest of summer until school started . So , he and a couple of his buddies went to Channel Islands ' campus to watch the drill team practice , and sure enough , there they were , and there she was . She looked nothing like her yearbook picture , but his friends still didn 't think she was worth his time . But hey , SHE liked HIM . She had his picture up in her wall . That right there demanded he MAKE time to learn more about her . One of the perks of being vice - president of the German Club was that he got to work Registration , and got to register for classes early . He had seen her at the orientation meeting , so he knew she would be working at the Foreign Language table with Mrs . Ontiveros . He 'd already registered for a class with Mrs . Ontiveros for Spanish 3 , but he found out that she was taking Spanish 3 with Mr . Varnava , so while she was on a break , Bud Stud walked to the Foreign Language table and asked Mrs . Ontiveros if he could switch classes . It was a lot easier than he had thought , because Mrs . Ontiveros was grinning at him from ear to ear when she switched his homeroom to second period Spanish class with Mr . Varnava . " She 's a very sweet girl , " winked Mrs . O conspiringly . On the first day of school , he was early to Mr . Varnava 's class , and sat at his assigned seat . He recognized people as they trickled into the room - Gale , Norma , Gricelda , Debra - all nice girls . Then SHE walked into the room , looked at the seating chart , sat at her assigned seat : front row , in the center of the class - and began chatting with Gale . He walked quietly to Mr . V and asked for permission to sit behind her . Mr . V nodded with a grin , and he picked up his books , moved to the seat directly behind her , and sat down . This was going to be a great year . A few weeks later , he decided he was going to take a chance and make his move , but he 'd never done this thing before . At least not since sixth grade , when Lucrecia became his " girlfriend " , but he blew it when just as she closed her eyes for their first kiss , he had run away instead . So now , how does one tell a girl he likes her ? " How does a guy say that he likes a certain girl ? Was that the way ? " the note began . I had found the note tucked in my Spanish textbook , written in pencil on lined notebook paper in neat , rounded cursive . I was on cloud nine , ever since the day Bud Stud asked the teacher if he could move his seat to the one behind mine . He never said much , except to answer a question in his marginal Spanish . I looked forward to Period Two , which was homeroom and therefore fifteen minutes longer than other classes , and it was also Spanish 3 . Sometimes , when the bell rang at the end of class and I stood up , I 'd feel a sharp sting in my scalp , and I 'd find a strand or two of my hair wrapped around the screw at the back of my chair . Sometimes I 'd get up and feel unfamiliar weight on my head , and as I would spin my head around , pencils would start flying around me … tied to single strands of my hair . Sometimes there would be only one pencil , but more often than not , there would be three or four or more . I 'd look around , but no one would make eye contact with me , and most especially NOT Bud Stud . Even Gale would just smile at me . So , I would walk out of second period trying hard to hide a smile , with my head held high and pencils hanging from my hair . Sometimes a pencil or two would fall to the floor , with a strand or two of hair still attached to it ( hmmmm … that might explain my lack of hair now ! ) , but I didn 't care . I picked them up , and during third period I 'd carefully remove the other pencils from my hair , and add them to my ever - growing pencil collection at home . When I was I elementary school in the Philippines , we used to play long jump at recess . The object of the game was to jump a particular distance , and we usually used someone 's shoe to measure . If any part of your body touched the starting line or the distance marker , you were out . We always started at three shoes . Each player took a turn jumping , and once everyone had a turn , the next round started , and the marker moved another three shoes ( keep in mind , we were 8 / 9 - year olds , and Filipinos had small feet ) . The first few rounds were really easy , and most of us were very silly in the beginning . Some would take a running start , stop inches before the starting point , and just step over the marker . Some would just casually walk over it . Still others would create elaborate steps and dance movements and dainty walks , just to get over the marker . And so it went , until the first person was out , then we started to get serious . If you got OUT , you can call on someone to " save " you , and if that person clears it , you are safe . If , on the other hand , the " saver " touches any of the markers , you are out and so is the " saver " . The only time you couldn 't be saved was when there were only two players left . Now , those of you who know me know that I am not an athlete , and I have never been . However , not one for being left out , I always played long jump . Of course , I never took it seriously , I played just to fit in . I never even had to put any effort in it , because there was one classmate who always saved me . Armie , even in back in second grade , was the most athletic person I knew . She could outrun , outjump , out - hit , out - DO all the girls AND ALL THE BOYS in our grade , and I , like the rest of my classmates , was in awe of her . I used to LOVE to watch her - - I was sure she was flying ! She absolutely excelled at recess ! She was also one of my closest friends , and I knew I could count on her to save me if I asked her to . And because I often asked Armie to save me , I often took second or third place , and we all knew that Armie would take first . In every game , though , I always got out , albeit towards the end . There 's only one time in my recollection that I didn 't get out . It was in 4th grade , and the distance to jump was at least three times my height . I remember thinking , " How in the world did I get this far in the game ? I can 't jump that far ! ( but in Tagalog of course , because my English at the time was not quite so extensive ) " I was just about to give up when Armie grabbed my arm and said , " JoAnn you HAVE to try . I can 't save you if you don 't even try . " So I went back as far as I could , took a running start , and at the right place , closed my eyes and took a giant leap . I was airborne for what felt like an eternity , and then one foot touched the ground , and then the other , and I ended up in a crouched position . I opened my eyes , and there was the marker - at least a yard in front of me , and I was crestfallen . Then I heard her say the words : " I 'll save you . If you ask me to , I will save you . Trust me . " And so I said , " Save me ! " and got out of the way . Armie took a running start , and then she flew , and landed effortlessly on the other side , clearing the distance with room to spare . With a big grin , she ran to me and cried , " See , you 're saved ! " I wish I could say that car 's nav system keeps me from getting lost . Au contraire - I am almost always lost ( for this reason , I give myself an hour 's head start so that I am only half an hour late going to unfamiliar places ) . My nav system merely CONFIRMS that I AM lost ! Part of the reason for the constant disorientation is the fact that my brain has a difficult time processing left and right directions , as well as North , South , East , and West . It might have something to do with mild sydlexia . When The Voice says " In the half mile , make a right turn , then immediate slight right , " for some reason the car turns left , and then I 'd have to watch Sarge ( that 's what I started calling The Voice , because it is so bossy ) recalculate . Sarge isn 't without drawbacks . After all , the system is only as good as the input . For example , just today , I plugged in the address for Jim 's work . It took me to an empty field across a Toys R Us warehouse . I 'd been to Jim 's work in Stockton before , and I didn 't remember a Toys R Us warehouse . I didn 't realize that the difference between 1976 W . Charter and 1976 E . Charter was 4 miles of road , 20 minutes of traffic . A 5 - year old software can also cause problems . For instance , today , Sarge told me to take the Antioch exit . THERE IS NO LONGER AN ANTIOCH EXIT ! ! ! The freeway signs now say Charter . It was a good thing I was watching the blue line on the screen , instead of the road . I was able to take the Charter exit which was labeled Antioch on the screen . Never mind that it took me to Toys R Us instead of Caltrans ! There is another GPS upon which I rely - this one has no errors , no miscalculations , is never outdated , and will never steer me into a questionable direction or situation , and would NEVER put my well - being in danger . When I was lost , it steered me to The Cross . It gives me the direction I need , and even the routes I need to take . It tells me that although I CAN go there ( All things are lawful for me , but not all things are profitable . I Corinthians 6 : 12a ) , I shouldn 't . This GPS - God 's Problem Solver - is my Bible . I don 't leave home without it . I am the Good Shepherd . I know my sheep and my sheep know me . . . my sheep listen to my voice ; I know them and they follow me . John 10 : 14 , 27 Right before a soccer game one Saturday morning , Jacky anxiously came up to me with a look of panic in her face . She had known that her coach would be out of town that day , but somehow she had hoped he would be there anyway . " Mom ! " she wailed , " Coach Dan isn 't going to be here today ! Coach Bob is taking his place ! " " So what 's the problem ! " I asked . " I won 't know what to do . I 'm used to looking for him in the sidelines and hearing his voice to tell me what to do . Now I 'm afraid . Pray with me , Mom , please ? " So the two of us walked off , and prayed that God would keep Coach Dan safe , that Coach Bob would be able to coach the team wisely , that Jacky would remember all that Coach Dan had taught her , and that there would be no injuries . We also asked for victory , but Jacky added that if the other team needed the victory more , that would be OK , too . The first half of the game was exciting , but our team was behind by two goals . The girls seemed tired and discouraged , and seemed to have given up . At half - time , Jacky came over to me very frustrated . " They 're giving up , Mom . Some of them aren 't even listening to Coach Bob , they 're just giving up . " She looked up at me with fierce determination in her face . " Well I 'm not giving up . I want Coach Dan to be proud of me , and I 'm gonna play like he 's here ! " And so with that resolve , she rejoined her team . In the second half , true to her word , Jacky played her heart out , and Jacky scored two goals to tie the game . Her spirit of determination caught on , and the team scored another goal to win the game . Afterwards I asked Jacky what made the difference in the second half , since Coach Dan still wasn 't present . " Easy , " she replied , " I tried to remember everything Coach taught me , and even though it was Coach Bob saying it , it was Coach Dan 's voice I heard in my head . I could hear him say , " Go wide , Jacky , go wide ! " or " Not down the middle , Babe ! " and " SHOT , JACKY , SHOT ! " I didn 't listen to all the yelling from the side , I just concentrated on hearing Coach Dan . " Then happily she skippPosted by When I was a little girl , there was a song that I loved to sing , especially in times when things weren 't going the way I hoped they would go . My dad had brought back an LP album named Suzanne Johnson : Suzanne Goes Folk and one of the songs on there was " He 's Everything To Me " . I remember playing it over and over until I memorized all the words , and I would sing it in my head whenever I could - - walking to the jeep stop at the top of Torres Bugallon on the way to school , walking back to school after lunch from my friend Brenda 's house , . . . anytime I was lonely or upset , happy or just thinking , I would sing this song . CHAPTER 5 I had to be at work by 3PM , but it was only 10 in the morning , so I decided to take my siblings with me to the beach . It was the end of July , the summer between my sophomore and junior years in high school , and we hadn 't been to the beach much , and school was starting in a month , so today was as good a day as any . In fact , registration was in three weeks , and Drill Team practice started in a week , which meant this was my last week to go to the beach . I had gotten my driver 's license in March the second half of my sophomore year ( never got held back in school , only " back started " since the Philippine and American school years did not coincided , and whereas I should have been placed in 6th grade when we moved to Guam , they put me in 5th grade instead supposedly because of my limited English ) , and so gone were the days of riding bikes to Bubbling Springs or to the Library . My family had a white 12 - passenger Chevy Sport Van with 18 - inch , red reflector " JESUS SAVES " lettering in the back . I became the chauffeur of what was dubbed The Hallelujah Mobile ( THM ) . So we packed THM with blankets , straw mats , towels , and a cooler full of junk food and we headed to Hueneme Beach , picked out a spot , set up camp , and began our favorite sport : boy watching . To my dismay , we had forgotten our pair of binoculars , so my ever resourceful sister Jean fashioned one by touching the tip of her forefinger to the tip of her thumb on either hand , putting them together , and began scanning the shore with her makeshift binoculars . " Hubba - hubba " she crooned , " Fox alert along the edge of the water . Two of them ! " " Lemme see , " I shrieked , as I grabbed her binoculars , nearly knocking her sideways toward me , and I peered through her hands . " Make your own binoculars , " she laughed , and yanked back hers . " I think that 's Rick Dionne ! " " Alice ! Alice " Jean called , waving her hands over her head . I watched in horror as Alice turned around , and ran toward Jean . They met halfway , exchanged a few shrieks and giggles , and then Alice and Jean were both running toward our blanket . " Alice , please don 't , " I begged . Then I covered my face with the current classic literature I was reading and lied down , hoping the sand dunes would hide me from Bud Stud 's line of sight . I didn 't think Serendipity would be kind enough to strike me dead with a lightning bolt on a cloudless day at the beach in the middle of Summer . My sisters gave me the play by play of what was going on , but I wasn 't listening , I was too busy planning rest of my life . Maybe I could go live with relatives in the Philippines . Maybe I could join a convent , then dismissed the idea - one had to be Catholic to become a nun . Maybe I could … Born to die . . . For the wages of sin is death . . . Born again to live ! But the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord . God is first priority in my life - - I have a personal relationship with Him through His Son Jesus Christ , Who is my Lord and Savior . I find f . i . s . H . ( fulfillment in serving Him ) . My first ministry is to my family . My favorite non - biblical phrase comes from the great philospher , Ron Wood , who said " If life were fair , I 'd still have hair . " I lost most of my hair in ' 95 ; the problem is each strand of hair is replaced by ounce of weight . Bummer . |
I did a search & couldn 't find this topic . A few years ago , it was my then - BF 's birthday . We went to a hockey game with a bunch of his friends , and then I invited everyone over to my place afterwards for some beers . This was the first time I had ever hosted any BF 's friends . ( BG : The day this happened , I had received Uggs & a pair of cords in the mail that I had ordered online . I had opened them right after I got off work , and then set them on my coffee table as I had to scramble to get ready in time to meet the BF for dinner & drinks before the game ) When we got to my place after the game , I lit pretty much every candle I owned , as it was about a dozen people , 3 / 4 of them smokers ( as am I ) . I wanted to mask the smoke somehow b / c my apt isn 't exactly gigantic , I 'd never had that many people smoking at once inside of it , and even if I had wanted to open a window , they were frozen shut . The BF sees the pkg on the coffee table , & asks what I ordered , I show him the pants & the boots and set them back on the coffee table . After a couple of beers , BF & his friend decide to throw the balled - up tissue that was in the boots at each other . One tissue ball lands on my dinette , and BF 's friend who is sitting there , picks it up & holds it to the candle , & lights it . She holds a burning tissue ball in her hand for a second , that goes , " Oh ! " & throws it in the sink , but not before a couple of burning embers float down to the off - white carpet , luckily , no noticable damage . Everyone sits in stunned silence for a few minutes . Then Pyro 's BF immediately jumps up & says , " Well , we should get going . " Pyro just walks down the hall to my front door and gets her coat from the front closet , and waits at the door while her BF said good - bye to everyone . Wow , just wow . My story isn 't as " good " as snowball 's , but it 's still kinda good . When my mom and I moved into my stepdad 's house , my stepsister " Geni " still came over . Along with her friends . One of her friends was named " Vanessa " and she was the rudest person I knew . It was the summer inbetween 4th and 5th grade for me , and at the time , I had these barbie books that I loved . Vanessa would come into my room and read the books to me as if I was a baby . ( it was her tone of voice , and the fact that in kindergarten I was reading at a 4th and 5th grade level that made it really bad . . . ) In general , Vanessa treated me as if I was a baby / toddler who needed to be treated as such . The reason she was un - invited from the house was , in addtion to being rude , she was also really disrespectful to my stepdad . One morning , he went into the living room that had WHITE couches and saw Vanessa eating a RED popsicle without anything to catch the juice . Normally , he told Geni 's friends to go get a papertowel and to not eat on the white couch and they did with no problem . Vanessa was " special " though . Not only did she say that she didn 't want to , she said it in a way that made my stepdad ban her from the house . ( and my stepdad very rarely bans people from the house . ) Logged I have one of those friends who does not know when it 's time to leave . She kept me up to 4 : 30 a . m . one night chatting away and playing my video games . I started doing the PA thing , " Oh , it 's getting late , " which had no effect on her to " I can make up a bed for you on the couch " which eventually became " OK , I 'm going to bed . " She only went to bed ( on my couch ) when she was good and ready . I now either meet her at her place or out in public , but I can 't remember when was the last I time I invited her over . I had just moved into my very first apartment and I really liked it . No one had ever lived in it and I spent a lot of time decorating it and everything . I was quite pleased . Then , I invited this guy I was friends with at the time over and he brought a couple of friends who were visiting him . These guys were the type who thought they were so cool that everyone should just be overjoyed to be in their presence . They came in my apartment and wandered around eating my food and telling stupid stories . Then , one of them walked over to my bookshelf , grabbed my leather Bible that my Mom had got me ( which was pretty expensive , not to mention , it was a * Bible * ) . He took it , held it up in the air , and said " This is what we think of Bibles ! " and ripped it up right in front of me ! My mouth dropped open and I was speechless ! The guy that I had invited over , then said , " Uh , we better get going , " and I said " Yeah , I think so . " Man , that still makes me angry to think about it . Well , no one has ever tried to set my house on fire , but here goes my story . I have an Aunt that lives along the Gulf Coast . She 's not a very nice person and I 've never really liked her . She is especially mean to my Mother , her younger sister . My Mom does not know how to tell anyone no and when Hurricaine Rita was heading towards Aunt 's house my Mom graciously invited her to evacuate to my house . Note that I did not extend the invitation . So I was already very unhappy when I got the call at work that Aunt and her three horribly behaved dogs were coming to my house . So Aunt comes and sets up camp in my guest bedroom . Her dogs chase my cats and annoy my dogs . Aunt has a habit of coating herself with baby powder every morning and by day 2 there is a thin coat of baby powder all over my house that she does not even offer to clean up . But the worst thing was her dogs potty habits . She lived in an apartment with a back patio , but no grass . So her dogs just pooped on her back patio . When they came to my house the dogs refused to use any of the grass in my 1 / 2 acre back yard and insisted on pooping on my back patio . I was not amused . Aunt kept saying she would clean it up , but never did . Rita completely misses her town , so after a week she goes home . By this point I 've taken to hiding in my bedroom with a bottle of wine and trying to ignore the thick layer of baby powder and the massive quantity of dog poop on my back patio . Aunt comes and knocks on my bedroom door at 5 : 00 am and tells me she is leaving . I was not amused at the hour but was so relieved that she was leaving that I gladly helped her load her car and those drat dogs . After she pulled out of the driveway I went to the backyard and spotted that she hadn 't cleaned up the dog poop . Grrrrrrr . Sadly , before Ike and Gustav came along I found someone who desparately needed a bedroom suite and turned my guest bedroom into my knitting room . Aunt stayed with my Mom and boarded the dogs . Logged Back when I was involved with a church I invited the youth minister 's family over ( they were new ) . They had 3 kids , a girl and 2 boys . I didn 't know them well , but they seemed to be okay . They walk in and the first thing the 3 kids do is to jump on our sofa ! Mom and dad do / say nothing . They they proceed to the bedrooms to jump on the beds . Parents at this point say , in a joking way , something like " maybe you shouldn 't be jumping on the furniture , ha , ha . " I learned that this is the way they disciplined . Very ineffectual , and their kids ' behavior was consistently very bratty ( labels have been frowned on here lately , but this isn 't labeling the kids , it 's labeling the behavior ) . The worst example of this was when we were all at a farm at a church event . The DD decided she wanted to go into the pasture where the bulls were ! She was playing in the field , while mumsy and daddy were calling her feebly , " Honey , can you come out of the field now ? There 's a bull there . " Evil me was imagining just a little tap from an irate cow or bull , just enough to put some natural fear into the girl . Needless to say , after that first visit they were never invited again . This story isn 't too shocking , considering it came from a child , but she was old enough to know better . In our old neighborhood was one of those kids whose parents just turned her out into the street all day because they didn 't want to deal with her . I felt sorry for her , so I would talk to her and one day I invited her in . She was probably 11 years old at that time . She instantly went into my kitchen and opened all of my cabinets one by one . I just stood there in shock . Finally I asked her what she was looking for , and asked her to please stop . A few days later , she came over and understandably , I didn 't invite her in , so we were talking through the screen door . She was wearing a grass skirt over her clothes and began wadding it up and pushing it through a hole in my screen , making it larger . I said , " Please don 't do that , you 're making the hole in the screen bigger . " Her response was to give me a " diva " head shake and push her face closer to mine , as if to challenge me and say , " Don 't tell me what to do . " I said , " Excuse me ? ? This is MY house , and you will NOT damage my screen . " She left and never came back . I felt bad about it , because I know she was a messed up kid , but I didn 't feel I did anything wrong . When I was in my teens , my brother had a friend over . We lived on about 9 acres , and had two horses , a barn , and a chicken coop from when the previous owner had chickens . It was a hot day , so we were putting the horses out at night and bringing them in to the barn during the day to protect them from the sun . My brother first took his friend down to the barn to show him the horses . I went down to the barn soon afterwards to make sure they weren 't giving the horses too many treats . I was on my way to the barn when I heard the crack of a whip . I came running , and here the guy was swinging the lunge whip at the two terrified horses in their stalls . I read the guy the riot act , told him he needed to get out of the barn IMMEDIATELY and stay away from the horses from now on , and stayed close to the barn for the rest of his visit . A little while later , brother and his friend decide to do archery . They set up targets on some hay bales in the middle of the field , pretty well away from everything . Friend decides to aim at the glass window of the old chicken coop instead , takes it out and gets broken glass all over the place . Strangely this friend never got invited back again . . . My mother , myself , and my brother usually go to Thanksgiving dinner at my aunt 's house . This has been the tradition going back twenty - odd years . My aunt is a great cook and usually makes turkey breast or ham with all the trimmings , including her delicious homemade dressing . She works very hard and we always thank her for the wonderful meal . Last Thanksgiving , I met my mother and drove to my aunt 's house . My brother was supposed to pick up his girlfriend ( who was also invited ) but he 's always late and this was no exception . Dinner was scheduled to start at a certain time , which he knew about . This may have been rude , but since he 's always late and the food was getting cold , and all of the other guests were assembled , we ate at the scheduled time . He and his girlfriend , let 's call her Kelly , showed up about 20 minutes after we had started to eat . They were both dressed extremely casually . ( My family doesn 't dress extremely formally for these things , but I typically wear a nice sweater and a nicer pair of jeans or slacks and dressy shoes . ) Kelly complained that they were seated at the kitchen table . ( This was because there was not enough space in the dining room , and I 'll add my mother and my aunt , the hostess , also ate in the kitchen . ) After the meal Kelly became upset at something my brother said ( which was probably reasonable , my brother is not a nice person ) and proceeded to lock herself in my cousin 's basement room . She would not come out for at least a half hour . They both ate messily and finished all of my aunt 's homemade dressing , of which there are usually plenty of leftovers . Their behavior was just generally rude and not appreciative of the wonderful meal they 'd been invited to . They were not invited to Christmas dinner . ( also a long - standing tradition ) When my brother found out about this ( I tried to keep it to myself but he asked me directly on Christmas Eve if I would be going the next day ) he acted extremely put out that he and his girlfriend were not going to be asked back . He seemed to think it was coLogged Shortly after ds was born , a friend of mine came to visit with her 3 sons . Yikes ! They were 4 , 3 and under 1 . The boys jumped on my couch , ripped the newspaper that had come that day , cleared off the bottom of the bookshelf , and poked my couch with diaper pins . They only stayed an hour and I was so glad to see them go . Mom did not stop them and I didn 't feel comfortable saying anything . If I recall correctly , she did say that I needed to baby proof the house . Uh , not if my son was a month old ! Logged I had a suitcase full of good quality clothes that didn 't fit me . I asked my friends if they could use them , planning to donate to Goodwill if they couldn 't . None of my friends could use them but one said that a friend of hers " Molly " was having a tough time financially and asked if I 'd be willing to give them to her . I said that would be fine . We arranged for Molly to come and see the clothes and take anything she wanted . She arrived at my house late and when she rang the doorbell she was talking on her cell . She didn 't make eye contact and I awkwardly let her into the house and waited for her to stop talking . She talked for another ten minutes about a problem she was having and finally hung up . She accepted the soft drink I offered her but didn 't greet me , just went on talking about the problem she 'd told her friend on the cell about . She came to see the clothes and said she would try them on . She took them all into the bathroom with her and tried them on for about an hour . Finally she came downstairs and said " I 'll take them " . She was disappointed I wouldn 't give her the suitcase I had been keeping them in and she asked if I had anything else to give away . She then complained some more about her personal problems . Finally she left with all the clothes . At no point did she ever said thank you for anything . Not even once . My SIL and BIL came to visit one month after I had my dd . His dad lived in the same state we do and he needed help moving from his home into assisted living quarters . SIL very nicely asked if they could please stay on our pull - out couch since the plane tickets were about all they could afford . For 2 nights , not a big deal I thought . BIL smokes . No smoking is allowed in my house especially with a new baby in the home . He smoked on the front porch and it still came thru the windows . DH asked him to please take a walk when he smoked ( like FIL does when he visits ) and BIL got bent out of shape . SIL asked us to please make an acception for her DH . No . The next morning they were helping his dad move all day but due back around 5 : 00 . DH went after work and got a bunch of lunch meat and 3 types of salad so I wouldn 't have to cook . I told him to get a lot so the next day we could have the left overs for lunch . SIL and BIL come in , with his dad who we did not know was coming , and his first comment is " That is A LOT of food . " I smile and said " We thought you might be hungry . If not , there will be left overs for tomorrow . " Him : " We are going to be eating the same thing tomorrow ? ! " Me : ( losing it ) " If you chose to eat here , then yes . " They have never been invited back . I was not the hostess in this case . Several years ago , my grandmother deteriorated quickly and had brain surgery , and all of the relatives were informed that this could be the end , and to come into town . ( Luckily , it was not , and she 's still alive and well ) . I was getting laundry ready when I got the call from my cousin , and I told him that I could come right away , but I had no clean clothes , so could I do laundry at his place ? He said fine . So a 5 hour drive with my mom , a visit to the hospital , a very late fast - food dinner , and then laundry at my cousins ' house at midnight . My cousins are twins and at the time owned a house together . It was kind of party central , and there were always people coming and going . So they had guests , and I was already tired and grouchy , and their guest was annoying me , so I apologized and said I was a little out of sorts because my grandmother was very sick in the hospital after having endured major surgery as an octogenarian . His response : " Oh , I know just how you feel . The other day I spilled ketchup on my white shirt . It was the worst day of my life . " Later on , he said to one of my cousins , " I don 't think your cousin likes me . " Gee . . . ya think ? Paul , a college roommate 's friend , thought that it was " funny " that I took good care of my dog , and thought my devotion to her was excessive . Yes , I loved her , still do , and took good care of her and enjoyed being with her , but I didn 't do anything crazy . But Paul thought it would be funny to play a joke on me . See , I took exception to the fact that he took her face into his hands and blew smoke up her nose . I told him that he had to leave immediately , and that that was a cruel , dangerous , and disgusting thing to do to an animal . I came in from work one evening , put my things down and greeted my pup , and was about to take her for a walk when the phone rang . A man began screaming at me about his injured son , saying that my dog had gotten loose , had bitten his child badly on the face , and that , even now , he was in surgery and that the man was calling the police and animal control on me , that he wouldn 't stop until he made sure that my dog was put down . I went into complete panic mode , and was trying to seek information , as well as pointing out that my dog wasn 't loose , that she 'd been inside since I had left for work . He began screaming some more , cursing me out , and threatening to come and take care of my dog himself . He then hung up on me , and I tried to get myself together a bit , since I was hysterically sobbing , and I was about to call the police . The roommate had been over at Paul 's house , but had been outside while the call was being made . He 'd walked into the room at the tail - end of it , when Paul had hung up , and Paul smugly informed him of what he 'd done . Roommate called me immediately to let me know that it was Paul , and that he was coming home right away to make sure I was o . k . When he got home , I said , " Paul was pretty much banned anyway , but I don 't even want to see him at any parties or group events , ever . " Still makes me mad , thinking about it . This wasn 't at my own house , but a very dear friend that I used to hang out with all the time . My friend decided to throw a small party in celebration of his graduation from college so about ten people were in the house total . One of the guys that came brought two of his buddies who decided to drink ALL the alcohol in the house and start " play fighting . " Only this was a full - on fight that included the blood and breaking of a dining room table along with the general mess of a fight that includes furniture being thrown around . My friend eventually asked the two drunk guys to leave and they did , but it wasn 't until later that we noticed that they ended up stealing prescription medicine from my purse and threw up in the downstairs foyer leading to the front yard ! |
I did a search & couldn 't find this topic . A few years ago , it was my then - BF 's birthday . We went to a hockey game with a bunch of his friends , and then I invited everyone over to my place afterwards for some beers . This was the first time I had ever hosted any BF 's friends . ( BG : The day this happened , I had received Uggs & a pair of cords in the mail that I had ordered online . I had opened them right after I got off work , and then set them on my coffee table as I had to scramble to get ready in time to meet the BF for dinner & drinks before the game ) When we got to my place after the game , I lit pretty much every candle I owned , as it was about a dozen people , 3 / 4 of them smokers ( as am I ) . I wanted to mask the smoke somehow b / c my apt isn 't exactly gigantic , I 'd never had that many people smoking at once inside of it , and even if I had wanted to open a window , they were frozen shut . The BF sees the pkg on the coffee table , & asks what I ordered , I show him the pants & the boots and set them back on the coffee table . After a couple of beers , BF & his friend decide to throw the balled - up tissue that was in the boots at each other . One tissue ball lands on my dinette , and BF 's friend who is sitting there , picks it up & holds it to the candle , & lights it . She holds a burning tissue ball in her hand for a second , that goes , " Oh ! " & throws it in the sink , but not before a couple of burning embers float down to the off - white carpet , luckily , no noticable damage . Everyone sits in stunned silence for a few minutes . Then Pyro 's BF immediately jumps up & says , " Well , we should get going . " Pyro just walks down the hall to my front door and gets her coat from the front closet , and waits at the door while her BF said good - bye to everyone . Wow , just wow . My story isn 't as " good " as snowball 's , but it 's still kinda good . When my mom and I moved into my stepdad 's house , my stepsister " Geni " still came over . Along with her friends . One of her friends was named " Vanessa " and she was the rudest person I knew . It was the summer inbetween 4th and 5th grade for me , and at the time , I had these barbie books that I loved . Vanessa would come into my room and read the books to me as if I was a baby . ( it was her tone of voice , and the fact that in kindergarten I was reading at a 4th and 5th grade level that made it really bad . . . ) In general , Vanessa treated me as if I was a baby / toddler who needed to be treated as such . The reason she was un - invited from the house was , in addtion to being rude , she was also really disrespectful to my stepdad . One morning , he went into the living room that had WHITE couches and saw Vanessa eating a RED popsicle without anything to catch the juice . Normally , he told Geni 's friends to go get a papertowel and to not eat on the white couch and they did with no problem . Vanessa was " special " though . Not only did she say that she didn 't want to , she said it in a way that made my stepdad ban her from the house . ( and my stepdad very rarely bans people from the house . ) Logged I have one of those friends who does not know when it 's time to leave . She kept me up to 4 : 30 a . m . one night chatting away and playing my video games . I started doing the PA thing , " Oh , it 's getting late , " which had no effect on her to " I can make up a bed for you on the couch " which eventually became " OK , I 'm going to bed . " She only went to bed ( on my couch ) when she was good and ready . I now either meet her at her place or out in public , but I can 't remember when was the last I time I invited her over . I had just moved into my very first apartment and I really liked it . No one had ever lived in it and I spent a lot of time decorating it and everything . I was quite pleased . Then , I invited this guy I was friends with at the time over and he brought a couple of friends who were visiting him . These guys were the type who thought they were so cool that everyone should just be overjoyed to be in their presence . They came in my apartment and wandered around eating my food and telling stupid stories . Then , one of them walked over to my bookshelf , grabbed my leather Bible that my Mom had got me ( which was pretty expensive , not to mention , it was a * Bible * ) . He took it , held it up in the air , and said " This is what we think of Bibles ! " and ripped it up right in front of me ! My mouth dropped open and I was speechless ! The guy that I had invited over , then said , " Uh , we better get going , " and I said " Yeah , I think so . " Man , that still makes me angry to think about it . Well , no one has ever tried to set my house on fire , but here goes my story . I have an Aunt that lives along the Gulf Coast . She 's not a very nice person and I 've never really liked her . She is especially mean to my Mother , her younger sister . My Mom does not know how to tell anyone no and when Hurricaine Rita was heading towards Aunt 's house my Mom graciously invited her to evacuate to my house . Note that I did not extend the invitation . So I was already very unhappy when I got the call at work that Aunt and her three horribly behaved dogs were coming to my house . So Aunt comes and sets up camp in my guest bedroom . Her dogs chase my cats and annoy my dogs . Aunt has a habit of coating herself with baby powder every morning and by day 2 there is a thin coat of baby powder all over my house that she does not even offer to clean up . But the worst thing was her dogs potty habits . She lived in an apartment with a back patio , but no grass . So her dogs just pooped on her back patio . When they came to my house the dogs refused to use any of the grass in my 1 / 2 acre back yard and insisted on pooping on my back patio . I was not amused . Aunt kept saying she would clean it up , but never did . Rita completely misses her town , so after a week she goes home . By this point I 've taken to hiding in my bedroom with a bottle of wine and trying to ignore the thick layer of baby powder and the massive quantity of dog poop on my back patio . Aunt comes and knocks on my bedroom door at 5 : 00 am and tells me she is leaving . I was not amused at the hour but was so relieved that she was leaving that I gladly helped her load her car and those drat dogs . After she pulled out of the driveway I went to the backyard and spotted that she hadn 't cleaned up the dog poop . Grrrrrrr . Sadly , before Ike and Gustav came along I found someone who desparately needed a bedroom suite and turned my guest bedroom into my knitting room . Aunt stayed with my Mom and boarded the dogs . Logged Back when I was involved with a church I invited the youth minister 's family over ( they were new ) . They had 3 kids , a girl and 2 boys . I didn 't know them well , but they seemed to be okay . They walk in and the first thing the 3 kids do is to jump on our sofa ! Mom and dad do / say nothing . They they proceed to the bedrooms to jump on the beds . Parents at this point say , in a joking way , something like " maybe you shouldn 't be jumping on the furniture , ha , ha . " I learned that this is the way they disciplined . Very ineffectual , and their kids ' behavior was consistently very bratty ( labels have been frowned on here lately , but this isn 't labeling the kids , it 's labeling the behavior ) . The worst example of this was when we were all at a farm at a church event . The DD decided she wanted to go into the pasture where the bulls were ! She was playing in the field , while mumsy and daddy were calling her feebly , " Honey , can you come out of the field now ? There 's a bull there . " Evil me was imagining just a little tap from an irate cow or bull , just enough to put some natural fear into the girl . Needless to say , after that first visit they were never invited again . This story isn 't too shocking , considering it came from a child , but she was old enough to know better . In our old neighborhood was one of those kids whose parents just turned her out into the street all day because they didn 't want to deal with her . I felt sorry for her , so I would talk to her and one day I invited her in . She was probably 11 years old at that time . She instantly went into my kitchen and opened all of my cabinets one by one . I just stood there in shock . Finally I asked her what she was looking for , and asked her to please stop . A few days later , she came over and understandably , I didn 't invite her in , so we were talking through the screen door . She was wearing a grass skirt over her clothes and began wadding it up and pushing it through a hole in my screen , making it larger . I said , " Please don 't do that , you 're making the hole in the screen bigger . " Her response was to give me a " diva " head shake and push her face closer to mine , as if to challenge me and say , " Don 't tell me what to do . " I said , " Excuse me ? ? This is MY house , and you will NOT damage my screen . " She left and never came back . I felt bad about it , because I know she was a messed up kid , but I didn 't feel I did anything wrong . When I was in my teens , my brother had a friend over . We lived on about 9 acres , and had two horses , a barn , and a chicken coop from when the previous owner had chickens . It was a hot day , so we were putting the horses out at night and bringing them in to the barn during the day to protect them from the sun . My brother first took his friend down to the barn to show him the horses . I went down to the barn soon afterwards to make sure they weren 't giving the horses too many treats . I was on my way to the barn when I heard the crack of a whip . I came running , and here the guy was swinging the lunge whip at the two terrified horses in their stalls . I read the guy the riot act , told him he needed to get out of the barn IMMEDIATELY and stay away from the horses from now on , and stayed close to the barn for the rest of his visit . A little while later , brother and his friend decide to do archery . They set up targets on some hay bales in the middle of the field , pretty well away from everything . Friend decides to aim at the glass window of the old chicken coop instead , takes it out and gets broken glass all over the place . Strangely this friend never got invited back again . . . My mother , myself , and my brother usually go to Thanksgiving dinner at my aunt 's house . This has been the tradition going back twenty - odd years . My aunt is a great cook and usually makes turkey breast or ham with all the trimmings , including her delicious homemade dressing . She works very hard and we always thank her for the wonderful meal . Last Thanksgiving , I met my mother and drove to my aunt 's house . My brother was supposed to pick up his girlfriend ( who was also invited ) but he 's always late and this was no exception . Dinner was scheduled to start at a certain time , which he knew about . This may have been rude , but since he 's always late and the food was getting cold , and all of the other guests were assembled , we ate at the scheduled time . He and his girlfriend , let 's call her Kelly , showed up about 20 minutes after we had started to eat . They were both dressed extremely casually . ( My family doesn 't dress extremely formally for these things , but I typically wear a nice sweater and a nicer pair of jeans or slacks and dressy shoes . ) Kelly complained that they were seated at the kitchen table . ( This was because there was not enough space in the dining room , and I 'll add my mother and my aunt , the hostess , also ate in the kitchen . ) After the meal Kelly became upset at something my brother said ( which was probably reasonable , my brother is not a nice person ) and proceeded to lock herself in my cousin 's basement room . She would not come out for at least a half hour . They both ate messily and finished all of my aunt 's homemade dressing , of which there are usually plenty of leftovers . Their behavior was just generally rude and not appreciative of the wonderful meal they 'd been invited to . They were not invited to Christmas dinner . ( also a long - standing tradition ) When my brother found out about this ( I tried to keep it to myself but he asked me directly on Christmas Eve if I would be going the next day ) he acted extremely put out that he and his girlfriend were not going to be asked back . He seemed to think it was coLogged Shortly after ds was born , a friend of mine came to visit with her 3 sons . Yikes ! They were 4 , 3 and under 1 . The boys jumped on my couch , ripped the newspaper that had come that day , cleared off the bottom of the bookshelf , and poked my couch with diaper pins . They only stayed an hour and I was so glad to see them go . Mom did not stop them and I didn 't feel comfortable saying anything . If I recall correctly , she did say that I needed to baby proof the house . Uh , not if my son was a month old ! Logged I had a suitcase full of good quality clothes that didn 't fit me . I asked my friends if they could use them , planning to donate to Goodwill if they couldn 't . None of my friends could use them but one said that a friend of hers " Molly " was having a tough time financially and asked if I 'd be willing to give them to her . I said that would be fine . We arranged for Molly to come and see the clothes and take anything she wanted . She arrived at my house late and when she rang the doorbell she was talking on her cell . She didn 't make eye contact and I awkwardly let her into the house and waited for her to stop talking . She talked for another ten minutes about a problem she was having and finally hung up . She accepted the soft drink I offered her but didn 't greet me , just went on talking about the problem she 'd told her friend on the cell about . She came to see the clothes and said she would try them on . She took them all into the bathroom with her and tried them on for about an hour . Finally she came downstairs and said " I 'll take them " . She was disappointed I wouldn 't give her the suitcase I had been keeping them in and she asked if I had anything else to give away . She then complained some more about her personal problems . Finally she left with all the clothes . At no point did she ever said thank you for anything . Not even once . My SIL and BIL came to visit one month after I had my dd . His dad lived in the same state we do and he needed help moving from his home into assisted living quarters . SIL very nicely asked if they could please stay on our pull - out couch since the plane tickets were about all they could afford . For 2 nights , not a big deal I thought . BIL smokes . No smoking is allowed in my house especially with a new baby in the home . He smoked on the front porch and it still came thru the windows . DH asked him to please take a walk when he smoked ( like FIL does when he visits ) and BIL got bent out of shape . SIL asked us to please make an acception for her DH . No . The next morning they were helping his dad move all day but due back around 5 : 00 . DH went after work and got a bunch of lunch meat and 3 types of salad so I wouldn 't have to cook . I told him to get a lot so the next day we could have the left overs for lunch . SIL and BIL come in , with his dad who we did not know was coming , and his first comment is " That is A LOT of food . " I smile and said " We thought you might be hungry . If not , there will be left overs for tomorrow . " Him : " We are going to be eating the same thing tomorrow ? ! " Me : ( losing it ) " If you chose to eat here , then yes . " They have never been invited back . I was not the hostess in this case . Several years ago , my grandmother deteriorated quickly and had brain surgery , and all of the relatives were informed that this could be the end , and to come into town . ( Luckily , it was not , and she 's still alive and well ) . I was getting laundry ready when I got the call from my cousin , and I told him that I could come right away , but I had no clean clothes , so could I do laundry at his place ? He said fine . So a 5 hour drive with my mom , a visit to the hospital , a very late fast - food dinner , and then laundry at my cousins ' house at midnight . My cousins are twins and at the time owned a house together . It was kind of party central , and there were always people coming and going . So they had guests , and I was already tired and grouchy , and their guest was annoying me , so I apologized and said I was a little out of sorts because my grandmother was very sick in the hospital after having endured major surgery as an octogenarian . His response : " Oh , I know just how you feel . The other day I spilled ketchup on my white shirt . It was the worst day of my life . " Later on , he said to one of my cousins , " I don 't think your cousin likes me . " Gee . . . ya think ? Paul , a college roommate 's friend , thought that it was " funny " that I took good care of my dog , and thought my devotion to her was excessive . Yes , I loved her , still do , and took good care of her and enjoyed being with her , but I didn 't do anything crazy . But Paul thought it would be funny to play a joke on me . See , I took exception to the fact that he took her face into his hands and blew smoke up her nose . I told him that he had to leave immediately , and that that was a cruel , dangerous , and disgusting thing to do to an animal . I came in from work one evening , put my things down and greeted my pup , and was about to take her for a walk when the phone rang . A man began screaming at me about his injured son , saying that my dog had gotten loose , had bitten his child badly on the face , and that , even now , he was in surgery and that the man was calling the police and animal control on me , that he wouldn 't stop until he made sure that my dog was put down . I went into complete panic mode , and was trying to seek information , as well as pointing out that my dog wasn 't loose , that she 'd been inside since I had left for work . He began screaming some more , cursing me out , and threatening to come and take care of my dog himself . He then hung up on me , and I tried to get myself together a bit , since I was hysterically sobbing , and I was about to call the police . The roommate had been over at Paul 's house , but had been outside while the call was being made . He 'd walked into the room at the tail - end of it , when Paul had hung up , and Paul smugly informed him of what he 'd done . Roommate called me immediately to let me know that it was Paul , and that he was coming home right away to make sure I was o . k . When he got home , I said , " Paul was pretty much banned anyway , but I don 't even want to see him at any parties or group events , ever . " Still makes me mad , thinking about it . This wasn 't at my own house , but a very dear friend that I used to hang out with all the time . My friend decided to throw a small party in celebration of his graduation from college so about ten people were in the house total . One of the guys that came brought two of his buddies who decided to drink ALL the alcohol in the house and start " play fighting . " Only this was a full - on fight that included the blood and breaking of a dining room table along with the general mess of a fight that includes furniture being thrown around . My friend eventually asked the two drunk guys to leave and they did , but it wasn 't until later that we noticed that they ended up stealing prescription medicine from my purse and threw up in the downstairs foyer leading to the front yard ! |
I did a search & couldn 't find this topic . A few years ago , it was my then - BF 's birthday . We went to a hockey game with a bunch of his friends , and then I invited everyone over to my place afterwards for some beers . This was the first time I had ever hosted any BF 's friends . ( BG : The day this happened , I had received Uggs & a pair of cords in the mail that I had ordered online . I had opened them right after I got off work , and then set them on my coffee table as I had to scramble to get ready in time to meet the BF for dinner & drinks before the game ) When we got to my place after the game , I lit pretty much every candle I owned , as it was about a dozen people , 3 / 4 of them smokers ( as am I ) . I wanted to mask the smoke somehow b / c my apt isn 't exactly gigantic , I 'd never had that many people smoking at once inside of it , and even if I had wanted to open a window , they were frozen shut . The BF sees the pkg on the coffee table , & asks what I ordered , I show him the pants & the boots and set them back on the coffee table . After a couple of beers , BF & his friend decide to throw the balled - up tissue that was in the boots at each other . One tissue ball lands on my dinette , and BF 's friend who is sitting there , picks it up & holds it to the candle , & lights it . She holds a burning tissue ball in her hand for a second , that goes , " Oh ! " & throws it in the sink , but not before a couple of burning embers float down to the off - white carpet , luckily , no noticable damage . Everyone sits in stunned silence for a few minutes . Then Pyro 's BF immediately jumps up & says , " Well , we should get going . " Pyro just walks down the hall to my front door and gets her coat from the front closet , and waits at the door while her BF said good - bye to everyone . Wow , just wow . My story isn 't as " good " as snowball 's , but it 's still kinda good . When my mom and I moved into my stepdad 's house , my stepsister " Geni " still came over . Along with her friends . One of her friends was named " Vanessa " and she was the rudest person I knew . It was the summer inbetween 4th and 5th grade for me , and at the time , I had these barbie books that I loved . Vanessa would come into my room and read the books to me as if I was a baby . ( it was her tone of voice , and the fact that in kindergarten I was reading at a 4th and 5th grade level that made it really bad . . . ) In general , Vanessa treated me as if I was a baby / toddler who needed to be treated as such . The reason she was un - invited from the house was , in addtion to being rude , she was also really disrespectful to my stepdad . One morning , he went into the living room that had WHITE couches and saw Vanessa eating a RED popsicle without anything to catch the juice . Normally , he told Geni 's friends to go get a papertowel and to not eat on the white couch and they did with no problem . Vanessa was " special " though . Not only did she say that she didn 't want to , she said it in a way that made my stepdad ban her from the house . ( and my stepdad very rarely bans people from the house . ) Logged I have one of those friends who does not know when it 's time to leave . She kept me up to 4 : 30 a . m . one night chatting away and playing my video games . I started doing the PA thing , " Oh , it 's getting late , " which had no effect on her to " I can make up a bed for you on the couch " which eventually became " OK , I 'm going to bed . " She only went to bed ( on my couch ) when she was good and ready . I now either meet her at her place or out in public , but I can 't remember when was the last I time I invited her over . I had just moved into my very first apartment and I really liked it . No one had ever lived in it and I spent a lot of time decorating it and everything . I was quite pleased . Then , I invited this guy I was friends with at the time over and he brought a couple of friends who were visiting him . These guys were the type who thought they were so cool that everyone should just be overjoyed to be in their presence . They came in my apartment and wandered around eating my food and telling stupid stories . Then , one of them walked over to my bookshelf , grabbed my leather Bible that my Mom had got me ( which was pretty expensive , not to mention , it was a * Bible * ) . He took it , held it up in the air , and said " This is what we think of Bibles ! " and ripped it up right in front of me ! My mouth dropped open and I was speechless ! The guy that I had invited over , then said , " Uh , we better get going , " and I said " Yeah , I think so . " Man , that still makes me angry to think about it . Well , no one has ever tried to set my house on fire , but here goes my story . I have an Aunt that lives along the Gulf Coast . She 's not a very nice person and I 've never really liked her . She is especially mean to my Mother , her younger sister . My Mom does not know how to tell anyone no and when Hurricaine Rita was heading towards Aunt 's house my Mom graciously invited her to evacuate to my house . Note that I did not extend the invitation . So I was already very unhappy when I got the call at work that Aunt and her three horribly behaved dogs were coming to my house . So Aunt comes and sets up camp in my guest bedroom . Her dogs chase my cats and annoy my dogs . Aunt has a habit of coating herself with baby powder every morning and by day 2 there is a thin coat of baby powder all over my house that she does not even offer to clean up . But the worst thing was her dogs potty habits . She lived in an apartment with a back patio , but no grass . So her dogs just pooped on her back patio . When they came to my house the dogs refused to use any of the grass in my 1 / 2 acre back yard and insisted on pooping on my back patio . I was not amused . Aunt kept saying she would clean it up , but never did . Rita completely misses her town , so after a week she goes home . By this point I 've taken to hiding in my bedroom with a bottle of wine and trying to ignore the thick layer of baby powder and the massive quantity of dog poop on my back patio . Aunt comes and knocks on my bedroom door at 5 : 00 am and tells me she is leaving . I was not amused at the hour but was so relieved that she was leaving that I gladly helped her load her car and those drat dogs . After she pulled out of the driveway I went to the backyard and spotted that she hadn 't cleaned up the dog poop . Grrrrrrr . Sadly , before Ike and Gustav came along I found someone who desparately needed a bedroom suite and turned my guest bedroom into my knitting room . Aunt stayed with my Mom and boarded the dogs . Logged Back when I was involved with a church I invited the youth minister 's family over ( they were new ) . They had 3 kids , a girl and 2 boys . I didn 't know them well , but they seemed to be okay . They walk in and the first thing the 3 kids do is to jump on our sofa ! Mom and dad do / say nothing . They they proceed to the bedrooms to jump on the beds . Parents at this point say , in a joking way , something like " maybe you shouldn 't be jumping on the furniture , ha , ha . " I learned that this is the way they disciplined . Very ineffectual , and their kids ' behavior was consistently very bratty ( labels have been frowned on here lately , but this isn 't labeling the kids , it 's labeling the behavior ) . The worst example of this was when we were all at a farm at a church event . The DD decided she wanted to go into the pasture where the bulls were ! She was playing in the field , while mumsy and daddy were calling her feebly , " Honey , can you come out of the field now ? There 's a bull there . " Evil me was imagining just a little tap from an irate cow or bull , just enough to put some natural fear into the girl . Needless to say , after that first visit they were never invited again . This story isn 't too shocking , considering it came from a child , but she was old enough to know better . In our old neighborhood was one of those kids whose parents just turned her out into the street all day because they didn 't want to deal with her . I felt sorry for her , so I would talk to her and one day I invited her in . She was probably 11 years old at that time . She instantly went into my kitchen and opened all of my cabinets one by one . I just stood there in shock . Finally I asked her what she was looking for , and asked her to please stop . A few days later , she came over and understandably , I didn 't invite her in , so we were talking through the screen door . She was wearing a grass skirt over her clothes and began wadding it up and pushing it through a hole in my screen , making it larger . I said , " Please don 't do that , you 're making the hole in the screen bigger . " Her response was to give me a " diva " head shake and push her face closer to mine , as if to challenge me and say , " Don 't tell me what to do . " I said , " Excuse me ? ? This is MY house , and you will NOT damage my screen . " She left and never came back . I felt bad about it , because I know she was a messed up kid , but I didn 't feel I did anything wrong . When I was in my teens , my brother had a friend over . We lived on about 9 acres , and had two horses , a barn , and a chicken coop from when the previous owner had chickens . It was a hot day , so we were putting the horses out at night and bringing them in to the barn during the day to protect them from the sun . My brother first took his friend down to the barn to show him the horses . I went down to the barn soon afterwards to make sure they weren 't giving the horses too many treats . I was on my way to the barn when I heard the crack of a whip . I came running , and here the guy was swinging the lunge whip at the two terrified horses in their stalls . I read the guy the riot act , told him he needed to get out of the barn IMMEDIATELY and stay away from the horses from now on , and stayed close to the barn for the rest of his visit . A little while later , brother and his friend decide to do archery . They set up targets on some hay bales in the middle of the field , pretty well away from everything . Friend decides to aim at the glass window of the old chicken coop instead , takes it out and gets broken glass all over the place . Strangely this friend never got invited back again . . . My mother , myself , and my brother usually go to Thanksgiving dinner at my aunt 's house . This has been the tradition going back twenty - odd years . My aunt is a great cook and usually makes turkey breast or ham with all the trimmings , including her delicious homemade dressing . She works very hard and we always thank her for the wonderful meal . Last Thanksgiving , I met my mother and drove to my aunt 's house . My brother was supposed to pick up his girlfriend ( who was also invited ) but he 's always late and this was no exception . Dinner was scheduled to start at a certain time , which he knew about . This may have been rude , but since he 's always late and the food was getting cold , and all of the other guests were assembled , we ate at the scheduled time . He and his girlfriend , let 's call her Kelly , showed up about 20 minutes after we had started to eat . They were both dressed extremely casually . ( My family doesn 't dress extremely formally for these things , but I typically wear a nice sweater and a nicer pair of jeans or slacks and dressy shoes . ) Kelly complained that they were seated at the kitchen table . ( This was because there was not enough space in the dining room , and I 'll add my mother and my aunt , the hostess , also ate in the kitchen . ) After the meal Kelly became upset at something my brother said ( which was probably reasonable , my brother is not a nice person ) and proceeded to lock herself in my cousin 's basement room . She would not come out for at least a half hour . They both ate messily and finished all of my aunt 's homemade dressing , of which there are usually plenty of leftovers . Their behavior was just generally rude and not appreciative of the wonderful meal they 'd been invited to . They were not invited to Christmas dinner . ( also a long - standing tradition ) When my brother found out about this ( I tried to keep it to myself but he asked me directly on Christmas Eve if I would be going the next day ) he acted extremely put out that he and his girlfriend were not going to be asked back . He seemed to think it was coLogged Shortly after ds was born , a friend of mine came to visit with her 3 sons . Yikes ! They were 4 , 3 and under 1 . The boys jumped on my couch , ripped the newspaper that had come that day , cleared off the bottom of the bookshelf , and poked my couch with diaper pins . They only stayed an hour and I was so glad to see them go . Mom did not stop them and I didn 't feel comfortable saying anything . If I recall correctly , she did say that I needed to baby proof the house . Uh , not if my son was a month old ! Logged I had a suitcase full of good quality clothes that didn 't fit me . I asked my friends if they could use them , planning to donate to Goodwill if they couldn 't . None of my friends could use them but one said that a friend of hers " Molly " was having a tough time financially and asked if I 'd be willing to give them to her . I said that would be fine . We arranged for Molly to come and see the clothes and take anything she wanted . She arrived at my house late and when she rang the doorbell she was talking on her cell . She didn 't make eye contact and I awkwardly let her into the house and waited for her to stop talking . She talked for another ten minutes about a problem she was having and finally hung up . She accepted the soft drink I offered her but didn 't greet me , just went on talking about the problem she 'd told her friend on the cell about . She came to see the clothes and said she would try them on . She took them all into the bathroom with her and tried them on for about an hour . Finally she came downstairs and said " I 'll take them " . She was disappointed I wouldn 't give her the suitcase I had been keeping them in and she asked if I had anything else to give away . She then complained some more about her personal problems . Finally she left with all the clothes . At no point did she ever said thank you for anything . Not even once . My SIL and BIL came to visit one month after I had my dd . His dad lived in the same state we do and he needed help moving from his home into assisted living quarters . SIL very nicely asked if they could please stay on our pull - out couch since the plane tickets were about all they could afford . For 2 nights , not a big deal I thought . BIL smokes . No smoking is allowed in my house especially with a new baby in the home . He smoked on the front porch and it still came thru the windows . DH asked him to please take a walk when he smoked ( like FIL does when he visits ) and BIL got bent out of shape . SIL asked us to please make an acception for her DH . No . The next morning they were helping his dad move all day but due back around 5 : 00 . DH went after work and got a bunch of lunch meat and 3 types of salad so I wouldn 't have to cook . I told him to get a lot so the next day we could have the left overs for lunch . SIL and BIL come in , with his dad who we did not know was coming , and his first comment is " That is A LOT of food . " I smile and said " We thought you might be hungry . If not , there will be left overs for tomorrow . " Him : " We are going to be eating the same thing tomorrow ? ! " Me : ( losing it ) " If you chose to eat here , then yes . " They have never been invited back . I was not the hostess in this case . Several years ago , my grandmother deteriorated quickly and had brain surgery , and all of the relatives were informed that this could be the end , and to come into town . ( Luckily , it was not , and she 's still alive and well ) . I was getting laundry ready when I got the call from my cousin , and I told him that I could come right away , but I had no clean clothes , so could I do laundry at his place ? He said fine . So a 5 hour drive with my mom , a visit to the hospital , a very late fast - food dinner , and then laundry at my cousins ' house at midnight . My cousins are twins and at the time owned a house together . It was kind of party central , and there were always people coming and going . So they had guests , and I was already tired and grouchy , and their guest was annoying me , so I apologized and said I was a little out of sorts because my grandmother was very sick in the hospital after having endured major surgery as an octogenarian . His response : " Oh , I know just how you feel . The other day I spilled ketchup on my white shirt . It was the worst day of my life . " Later on , he said to one of my cousins , " I don 't think your cousin likes me . " Gee . . . ya think ? Paul , a college roommate 's friend , thought that it was " funny " that I took good care of my dog , and thought my devotion to her was excessive . Yes , I loved her , still do , and took good care of her and enjoyed being with her , but I didn 't do anything crazy . But Paul thought it would be funny to play a joke on me . See , I took exception to the fact that he took her face into his hands and blew smoke up her nose . I told him that he had to leave immediately , and that that was a cruel , dangerous , and disgusting thing to do to an animal . I came in from work one evening , put my things down and greeted my pup , and was about to take her for a walk when the phone rang . A man began screaming at me about his injured son , saying that my dog had gotten loose , had bitten his child badly on the face , and that , even now , he was in surgery and that the man was calling the police and animal control on me , that he wouldn 't stop until he made sure that my dog was put down . I went into complete panic mode , and was trying to seek information , as well as pointing out that my dog wasn 't loose , that she 'd been inside since I had left for work . He began screaming some more , cursing me out , and threatening to come and take care of my dog himself . He then hung up on me , and I tried to get myself together a bit , since I was hysterically sobbing , and I was about to call the police . The roommate had been over at Paul 's house , but had been outside while the call was being made . He 'd walked into the room at the tail - end of it , when Paul had hung up , and Paul smugly informed him of what he 'd done . Roommate called me immediately to let me know that it was Paul , and that he was coming home right away to make sure I was o . k . When he got home , I said , " Paul was pretty much banned anyway , but I don 't even want to see him at any parties or group events , ever . " Still makes me mad , thinking about it . This wasn 't at my own house , but a very dear friend that I used to hang out with all the time . My friend decided to throw a small party in celebration of his graduation from college so about ten people were in the house total . One of the guys that came brought two of his buddies who decided to drink ALL the alcohol in the house and start " play fighting . " Only this was a full - on fight that included the blood and breaking of a dining room table along with the general mess of a fight that includes furniture being thrown around . My friend eventually asked the two drunk guys to leave and they did , but it wasn 't until later that we noticed that they ended up stealing prescription medicine from my purse and threw up in the downstairs foyer leading to the front yard ! |
I did a search & couldn 't find this topic . A few years ago , it was my then - BF 's birthday . We went to a hockey game with a bunch of his friends , and then I invited everyone over to my place afterwards for some beers . This was the first time I had ever hosted any BF 's friends . ( BG : The day this happened , I had received Uggs & a pair of cords in the mail that I had ordered online . I had opened them right after I got off work , and then set them on my coffee table as I had to scramble to get ready in time to meet the BF for dinner & drinks before the game ) When we got to my place after the game , I lit pretty much every candle I owned , as it was about a dozen people , 3 / 4 of them smokers ( as am I ) . I wanted to mask the smoke somehow b / c my apt isn 't exactly gigantic , I 'd never had that many people smoking at once inside of it , and even if I had wanted to open a window , they were frozen shut . The BF sees the pkg on the coffee table , & asks what I ordered , I show him the pants & the boots and set them back on the coffee table . After a couple of beers , BF & his friend decide to throw the balled - up tissue that was in the boots at each other . One tissue ball lands on my dinette , and BF 's friend who is sitting there , picks it up & holds it to the candle , & lights it . She holds a burning tissue ball in her hand for a second , that goes , " Oh ! " & throws it in the sink , but not before a couple of burning embers float down to the off - white carpet , luckily , no noticable damage . Everyone sits in stunned silence for a few minutes . Then Pyro 's BF immediately jumps up & says , " Well , we should get going . " Pyro just walks down the hall to my front door and gets her coat from the front closet , and waits at the door while her BF said good - bye to everyone . Wow , just wow . My story isn 't as " good " as snowball 's , but it 's still kinda good . When my mom and I moved into my stepdad 's house , my stepsister " Geni " still came over . Along with her friends . One of her friends was named " Vanessa " and she was the rudest person I knew . It was the summer inbetween 4th and 5th grade for me , and at the time , I had these barbie books that I loved . Vanessa would come into my room and read the books to me as if I was a baby . ( it was her tone of voice , and the fact that in kindergarten I was reading at a 4th and 5th grade level that made it really bad . . . ) In general , Vanessa treated me as if I was a baby / toddler who needed to be treated as such . The reason she was un - invited from the house was , in addtion to being rude , she was also really disrespectful to my stepdad . One morning , he went into the living room that had WHITE couches and saw Vanessa eating a RED popsicle without anything to catch the juice . Normally , he told Geni 's friends to go get a papertowel and to not eat on the white couch and they did with no problem . Vanessa was " special " though . Not only did she say that she didn 't want to , she said it in a way that made my stepdad ban her from the house . ( and my stepdad very rarely bans people from the house . ) Logged I have one of those friends who does not know when it 's time to leave . She kept me up to 4 : 30 a . m . one night chatting away and playing my video games . I started doing the PA thing , " Oh , it 's getting late , " which had no effect on her to " I can make up a bed for you on the couch " which eventually became " OK , I 'm going to bed . " She only went to bed ( on my couch ) when she was good and ready . I now either meet her at her place or out in public , but I can 't remember when was the last I time I invited her over . I had just moved into my very first apartment and I really liked it . No one had ever lived in it and I spent a lot of time decorating it and everything . I was quite pleased . Then , I invited this guy I was friends with at the time over and he brought a couple of friends who were visiting him . These guys were the type who thought they were so cool that everyone should just be overjoyed to be in their presence . They came in my apartment and wandered around eating my food and telling stupid stories . Then , one of them walked over to my bookshelf , grabbed my leather Bible that my Mom had got me ( which was pretty expensive , not to mention , it was a * Bible * ) . He took it , held it up in the air , and said " This is what we think of Bibles ! " and ripped it up right in front of me ! My mouth dropped open and I was speechless ! The guy that I had invited over , then said , " Uh , we better get going , " and I said " Yeah , I think so . " Man , that still makes me angry to think about it . Well , no one has ever tried to set my house on fire , but here goes my story . I have an Aunt that lives along the Gulf Coast . She 's not a very nice person and I 've never really liked her . She is especially mean to my Mother , her younger sister . My Mom does not know how to tell anyone no and when Hurricaine Rita was heading towards Aunt 's house my Mom graciously invited her to evacuate to my house . Note that I did not extend the invitation . So I was already very unhappy when I got the call at work that Aunt and her three horribly behaved dogs were coming to my house . So Aunt comes and sets up camp in my guest bedroom . Her dogs chase my cats and annoy my dogs . Aunt has a habit of coating herself with baby powder every morning and by day 2 there is a thin coat of baby powder all over my house that she does not even offer to clean up . But the worst thing was her dogs potty habits . She lived in an apartment with a back patio , but no grass . So her dogs just pooped on her back patio . When they came to my house the dogs refused to use any of the grass in my 1 / 2 acre back yard and insisted on pooping on my back patio . I was not amused . Aunt kept saying she would clean it up , but never did . Rita completely misses her town , so after a week she goes home . By this point I 've taken to hiding in my bedroom with a bottle of wine and trying to ignore the thick layer of baby powder and the massive quantity of dog poop on my back patio . Aunt comes and knocks on my bedroom door at 5 : 00 am and tells me she is leaving . I was not amused at the hour but was so relieved that she was leaving that I gladly helped her load her car and those drat dogs . After she pulled out of the driveway I went to the backyard and spotted that she hadn 't cleaned up the dog poop . Grrrrrrr . Sadly , before Ike and Gustav came along I found someone who desparately needed a bedroom suite and turned my guest bedroom into my knitting room . Aunt stayed with my Mom and boarded the dogs . Logged Back when I was involved with a church I invited the youth minister 's family over ( they were new ) . They had 3 kids , a girl and 2 boys . I didn 't know them well , but they seemed to be okay . They walk in and the first thing the 3 kids do is to jump on our sofa ! Mom and dad do / say nothing . They they proceed to the bedrooms to jump on the beds . Parents at this point say , in a joking way , something like " maybe you shouldn 't be jumping on the furniture , ha , ha . " I learned that this is the way they disciplined . Very ineffectual , and their kids ' behavior was consistently very bratty ( labels have been frowned on here lately , but this isn 't labeling the kids , it 's labeling the behavior ) . The worst example of this was when we were all at a farm at a church event . The DD decided she wanted to go into the pasture where the bulls were ! She was playing in the field , while mumsy and daddy were calling her feebly , " Honey , can you come out of the field now ? There 's a bull there . " Evil me was imagining just a little tap from an irate cow or bull , just enough to put some natural fear into the girl . Needless to say , after that first visit they were never invited again . This story isn 't too shocking , considering it came from a child , but she was old enough to know better . In our old neighborhood was one of those kids whose parents just turned her out into the street all day because they didn 't want to deal with her . I felt sorry for her , so I would talk to her and one day I invited her in . She was probably 11 years old at that time . She instantly went into my kitchen and opened all of my cabinets one by one . I just stood there in shock . Finally I asked her what she was looking for , and asked her to please stop . A few days later , she came over and understandably , I didn 't invite her in , so we were talking through the screen door . She was wearing a grass skirt over her clothes and began wadding it up and pushing it through a hole in my screen , making it larger . I said , " Please don 't do that , you 're making the hole in the screen bigger . " Her response was to give me a " diva " head shake and push her face closer to mine , as if to challenge me and say , " Don 't tell me what to do . " I said , " Excuse me ? ? This is MY house , and you will NOT damage my screen . " She left and never came back . I felt bad about it , because I know she was a messed up kid , but I didn 't feel I did anything wrong . When I was in my teens , my brother had a friend over . We lived on about 9 acres , and had two horses , a barn , and a chicken coop from when the previous owner had chickens . It was a hot day , so we were putting the horses out at night and bringing them in to the barn during the day to protect them from the sun . My brother first took his friend down to the barn to show him the horses . I went down to the barn soon afterwards to make sure they weren 't giving the horses too many treats . I was on my way to the barn when I heard the crack of a whip . I came running , and here the guy was swinging the lunge whip at the two terrified horses in their stalls . I read the guy the riot act , told him he needed to get out of the barn IMMEDIATELY and stay away from the horses from now on , and stayed close to the barn for the rest of his visit . A little while later , brother and his friend decide to do archery . They set up targets on some hay bales in the middle of the field , pretty well away from everything . Friend decides to aim at the glass window of the old chicken coop instead , takes it out and gets broken glass all over the place . Strangely this friend never got invited back again . . . My mother , myself , and my brother usually go to Thanksgiving dinner at my aunt 's house . This has been the tradition going back twenty - odd years . My aunt is a great cook and usually makes turkey breast or ham with all the trimmings , including her delicious homemade dressing . She works very hard and we always thank her for the wonderful meal . Last Thanksgiving , I met my mother and drove to my aunt 's house . My brother was supposed to pick up his girlfriend ( who was also invited ) but he 's always late and this was no exception . Dinner was scheduled to start at a certain time , which he knew about . This may have been rude , but since he 's always late and the food was getting cold , and all of the other guests were assembled , we ate at the scheduled time . He and his girlfriend , let 's call her Kelly , showed up about 20 minutes after we had started to eat . They were both dressed extremely casually . ( My family doesn 't dress extremely formally for these things , but I typically wear a nice sweater and a nicer pair of jeans or slacks and dressy shoes . ) Kelly complained that they were seated at the kitchen table . ( This was because there was not enough space in the dining room , and I 'll add my mother and my aunt , the hostess , also ate in the kitchen . ) After the meal Kelly became upset at something my brother said ( which was probably reasonable , my brother is not a nice person ) and proceeded to lock herself in my cousin 's basement room . She would not come out for at least a half hour . They both ate messily and finished all of my aunt 's homemade dressing , of which there are usually plenty of leftovers . Their behavior was just generally rude and not appreciative of the wonderful meal they 'd been invited to . They were not invited to Christmas dinner . ( also a long - standing tradition ) When my brother found out about this ( I tried to keep it to myself but he asked me directly on Christmas Eve if I would be going the next day ) he acted extremely put out that he and his girlfriend were not going to be asked back . He seemed to think it was coLogged Shortly after ds was born , a friend of mine came to visit with her 3 sons . Yikes ! They were 4 , 3 and under 1 . The boys jumped on my couch , ripped the newspaper that had come that day , cleared off the bottom of the bookshelf , and poked my couch with diaper pins . They only stayed an hour and I was so glad to see them go . Mom did not stop them and I didn 't feel comfortable saying anything . If I recall correctly , she did say that I needed to baby proof the house . Uh , not if my son was a month old ! Logged I had a suitcase full of good quality clothes that didn 't fit me . I asked my friends if they could use them , planning to donate to Goodwill if they couldn 't . None of my friends could use them but one said that a friend of hers " Molly " was having a tough time financially and asked if I 'd be willing to give them to her . I said that would be fine . We arranged for Molly to come and see the clothes and take anything she wanted . She arrived at my house late and when she rang the doorbell she was talking on her cell . She didn 't make eye contact and I awkwardly let her into the house and waited for her to stop talking . She talked for another ten minutes about a problem she was having and finally hung up . She accepted the soft drink I offered her but didn 't greet me , just went on talking about the problem she 'd told her friend on the cell about . She came to see the clothes and said she would try them on . She took them all into the bathroom with her and tried them on for about an hour . Finally she came downstairs and said " I 'll take them " . She was disappointed I wouldn 't give her the suitcase I had been keeping them in and she asked if I had anything else to give away . She then complained some more about her personal problems . Finally she left with all the clothes . At no point did she ever said thank you for anything . Not even once . My SIL and BIL came to visit one month after I had my dd . His dad lived in the same state we do and he needed help moving from his home into assisted living quarters . SIL very nicely asked if they could please stay on our pull - out couch since the plane tickets were about all they could afford . For 2 nights , not a big deal I thought . BIL smokes . No smoking is allowed in my house especially with a new baby in the home . He smoked on the front porch and it still came thru the windows . DH asked him to please take a walk when he smoked ( like FIL does when he visits ) and BIL got bent out of shape . SIL asked us to please make an acception for her DH . No . The next morning they were helping his dad move all day but due back around 5 : 00 . DH went after work and got a bunch of lunch meat and 3 types of salad so I wouldn 't have to cook . I told him to get a lot so the next day we could have the left overs for lunch . SIL and BIL come in , with his dad who we did not know was coming , and his first comment is " That is A LOT of food . " I smile and said " We thought you might be hungry . If not , there will be left overs for tomorrow . " Him : " We are going to be eating the same thing tomorrow ? ! " Me : ( losing it ) " If you chose to eat here , then yes . " They have never been invited back . I was not the hostess in this case . Several years ago , my grandmother deteriorated quickly and had brain surgery , and all of the relatives were informed that this could be the end , and to come into town . ( Luckily , it was not , and she 's still alive and well ) . I was getting laundry ready when I got the call from my cousin , and I told him that I could come right away , but I had no clean clothes , so could I do laundry at his place ? He said fine . So a 5 hour drive with my mom , a visit to the hospital , a very late fast - food dinner , and then laundry at my cousins ' house at midnight . My cousins are twins and at the time owned a house together . It was kind of party central , and there were always people coming and going . So they had guests , and I was already tired and grouchy , and their guest was annoying me , so I apologized and said I was a little out of sorts because my grandmother was very sick in the hospital after having endured major surgery as an octogenarian . His response : " Oh , I know just how you feel . The other day I spilled ketchup on my white shirt . It was the worst day of my life . " Later on , he said to one of my cousins , " I don 't think your cousin likes me . " Gee . . . ya think ? Paul , a college roommate 's friend , thought that it was " funny " that I took good care of my dog , and thought my devotion to her was excessive . Yes , I loved her , still do , and took good care of her and enjoyed being with her , but I didn 't do anything crazy . But Paul thought it would be funny to play a joke on me . See , I took exception to the fact that he took her face into his hands and blew smoke up her nose . I told him that he had to leave immediately , and that that was a cruel , dangerous , and disgusting thing to do to an animal . I came in from work one evening , put my things down and greeted my pup , and was about to take her for a walk when the phone rang . A man began screaming at me about his injured son , saying that my dog had gotten loose , had bitten his child badly on the face , and that , even now , he was in surgery and that the man was calling the police and animal control on me , that he wouldn 't stop until he made sure that my dog was put down . I went into complete panic mode , and was trying to seek information , as well as pointing out that my dog wasn 't loose , that she 'd been inside since I had left for work . He began screaming some more , cursing me out , and threatening to come and take care of my dog himself . He then hung up on me , and I tried to get myself together a bit , since I was hysterically sobbing , and I was about to call the police . The roommate had been over at Paul 's house , but had been outside while the call was being made . He 'd walked into the room at the tail - end of it , when Paul had hung up , and Paul smugly informed him of what he 'd done . Roommate called me immediately to let me know that it was Paul , and that he was coming home right away to make sure I was o . k . When he got home , I said , " Paul was pretty much banned anyway , but I don 't even want to see him at any parties or group events , ever . " Still makes me mad , thinking about it . This wasn 't at my own house , but a very dear friend that I used to hang out with all the time . My friend decided to throw a small party in celebration of his graduation from college so about ten people were in the house total . One of the guys that came brought two of his buddies who decided to drink ALL the alcohol in the house and start " play fighting . " Only this was a full - on fight that included the blood and breaking of a dining room table along with the general mess of a fight that includes furniture being thrown around . My friend eventually asked the two drunk guys to leave and they did , but it wasn 't until later that we noticed that they ended up stealing prescription medicine from my purse and threw up in the downstairs foyer leading to the front yard ! |
I did a search & couldn 't find this topic . A few years ago , it was my then - BF 's birthday . We went to a hockey game with a bunch of his friends , and then I invited everyone over to my place afterwards for some beers . This was the first time I had ever hosted any BF 's friends . ( BG : The day this happened , I had received Uggs & a pair of cords in the mail that I had ordered online . I had opened them right after I got off work , and then set them on my coffee table as I had to scramble to get ready in time to meet the BF for dinner & drinks before the game ) When we got to my place after the game , I lit pretty much every candle I owned , as it was about a dozen people , 3 / 4 of them smokers ( as am I ) . I wanted to mask the smoke somehow b / c my apt isn 't exactly gigantic , I 'd never had that many people smoking at once inside of it , and even if I had wanted to open a window , they were frozen shut . The BF sees the pkg on the coffee table , & asks what I ordered , I show him the pants & the boots and set them back on the coffee table . After a couple of beers , BF & his friend decide to throw the balled - up tissue that was in the boots at each other . One tissue ball lands on my dinette , and BF 's friend who is sitting there , picks it up & holds it to the candle , & lights it . She holds a burning tissue ball in her hand for a second , that goes , " Oh ! " & throws it in the sink , but not before a couple of burning embers float down to the off - white carpet , luckily , no noticable damage . Everyone sits in stunned silence for a few minutes . Then Pyro 's BF immediately jumps up & says , " Well , we should get going . " Pyro just walks down the hall to my front door and gets her coat from the front closet , and waits at the door while her BF said good - bye to everyone . Wow , just wow . My story isn 't as " good " as snowball 's , but it 's still kinda good . When my mom and I moved into my stepdad 's house , my stepsister " Geni " still came over . Along with her friends . One of her friends was named " Vanessa " and she was the rudest person I knew . It was the summer inbetween 4th and 5th grade for me , and at the time , I had these barbie books that I loved . Vanessa would come into my room and read the books to me as if I was a baby . ( it was her tone of voice , and the fact that in kindergarten I was reading at a 4th and 5th grade level that made it really bad . . . ) In general , Vanessa treated me as if I was a baby / toddler who needed to be treated as such . The reason she was un - invited from the house was , in addtion to being rude , she was also really disrespectful to my stepdad . One morning , he went into the living room that had WHITE couches and saw Vanessa eating a RED popsicle without anything to catch the juice . Normally , he told Geni 's friends to go get a papertowel and to not eat on the white couch and they did with no problem . Vanessa was " special " though . Not only did she say that she didn 't want to , she said it in a way that made my stepdad ban her from the house . ( and my stepdad very rarely bans people from the house . ) Logged I have one of those friends who does not know when it 's time to leave . She kept me up to 4 : 30 a . m . one night chatting away and playing my video games . I started doing the PA thing , " Oh , it 's getting late , " which had no effect on her to " I can make up a bed for you on the couch " which eventually became " OK , I 'm going to bed . " She only went to bed ( on my couch ) when she was good and ready . I now either meet her at her place or out in public , but I can 't remember when was the last I time I invited her over . I had just moved into my very first apartment and I really liked it . No one had ever lived in it and I spent a lot of time decorating it and everything . I was quite pleased . Then , I invited this guy I was friends with at the time over and he brought a couple of friends who were visiting him . These guys were the type who thought they were so cool that everyone should just be overjoyed to be in their presence . They came in my apartment and wandered around eating my food and telling stupid stories . Then , one of them walked over to my bookshelf , grabbed my leather Bible that my Mom had got me ( which was pretty expensive , not to mention , it was a * Bible * ) . He took it , held it up in the air , and said " This is what we think of Bibles ! " and ripped it up right in front of me ! My mouth dropped open and I was speechless ! The guy that I had invited over , then said , " Uh , we better get going , " and I said " Yeah , I think so . " Man , that still makes me angry to think about it . Well , no one has ever tried to set my house on fire , but here goes my story . I have an Aunt that lives along the Gulf Coast . She 's not a very nice person and I 've never really liked her . She is especially mean to my Mother , her younger sister . My Mom does not know how to tell anyone no and when Hurricaine Rita was heading towards Aunt 's house my Mom graciously invited her to evacuate to my house . Note that I did not extend the invitation . So I was already very unhappy when I got the call at work that Aunt and her three horribly behaved dogs were coming to my house . So Aunt comes and sets up camp in my guest bedroom . Her dogs chase my cats and annoy my dogs . Aunt has a habit of coating herself with baby powder every morning and by day 2 there is a thin coat of baby powder all over my house that she does not even offer to clean up . But the worst thing was her dogs potty habits . She lived in an apartment with a back patio , but no grass . So her dogs just pooped on her back patio . When they came to my house the dogs refused to use any of the grass in my 1 / 2 acre back yard and insisted on pooping on my back patio . I was not amused . Aunt kept saying she would clean it up , but never did . Rita completely misses her town , so after a week she goes home . By this point I 've taken to hiding in my bedroom with a bottle of wine and trying to ignore the thick layer of baby powder and the massive quantity of dog poop on my back patio . Aunt comes and knocks on my bedroom door at 5 : 00 am and tells me she is leaving . I was not amused at the hour but was so relieved that she was leaving that I gladly helped her load her car and those drat dogs . After she pulled out of the driveway I went to the backyard and spotted that she hadn 't cleaned up the dog poop . Grrrrrrr . Sadly , before Ike and Gustav came along I found someone who desparately needed a bedroom suite and turned my guest bedroom into my knitting room . Aunt stayed with my Mom and boarded the dogs . Logged Back when I was involved with a church I invited the youth minister 's family over ( they were new ) . They had 3 kids , a girl and 2 boys . I didn 't know them well , but they seemed to be okay . They walk in and the first thing the 3 kids do is to jump on our sofa ! Mom and dad do / say nothing . They they proceed to the bedrooms to jump on the beds . Parents at this point say , in a joking way , something like " maybe you shouldn 't be jumping on the furniture , ha , ha . " I learned that this is the way they disciplined . Very ineffectual , and their kids ' behavior was consistently very bratty ( labels have been frowned on here lately , but this isn 't labeling the kids , it 's labeling the behavior ) . The worst example of this was when we were all at a farm at a church event . The DD decided she wanted to go into the pasture where the bulls were ! She was playing in the field , while mumsy and daddy were calling her feebly , " Honey , can you come out of the field now ? There 's a bull there . " Evil me was imagining just a little tap from an irate cow or bull , just enough to put some natural fear into the girl . Needless to say , after that first visit they were never invited again . This story isn 't too shocking , considering it came from a child , but she was old enough to know better . In our old neighborhood was one of those kids whose parents just turned her out into the street all day because they didn 't want to deal with her . I felt sorry for her , so I would talk to her and one day I invited her in . She was probably 11 years old at that time . She instantly went into my kitchen and opened all of my cabinets one by one . I just stood there in shock . Finally I asked her what she was looking for , and asked her to please stop . A few days later , she came over and understandably , I didn 't invite her in , so we were talking through the screen door . She was wearing a grass skirt over her clothes and began wadding it up and pushing it through a hole in my screen , making it larger . I said , " Please don 't do that , you 're making the hole in the screen bigger . " Her response was to give me a " diva " head shake and push her face closer to mine , as if to challenge me and say , " Don 't tell me what to do . " I said , " Excuse me ? ? This is MY house , and you will NOT damage my screen . " She left and never came back . I felt bad about it , because I know she was a messed up kid , but I didn 't feel I did anything wrong . When I was in my teens , my brother had a friend over . We lived on about 9 acres , and had two horses , a barn , and a chicken coop from when the previous owner had chickens . It was a hot day , so we were putting the horses out at night and bringing them in to the barn during the day to protect them from the sun . My brother first took his friend down to the barn to show him the horses . I went down to the barn soon afterwards to make sure they weren 't giving the horses too many treats . I was on my way to the barn when I heard the crack of a whip . I came running , and here the guy was swinging the lunge whip at the two terrified horses in their stalls . I read the guy the riot act , told him he needed to get out of the barn IMMEDIATELY and stay away from the horses from now on , and stayed close to the barn for the rest of his visit . A little while later , brother and his friend decide to do archery . They set up targets on some hay bales in the middle of the field , pretty well away from everything . Friend decides to aim at the glass window of the old chicken coop instead , takes it out and gets broken glass all over the place . Strangely this friend never got invited back again . . . My mother , myself , and my brother usually go to Thanksgiving dinner at my aunt 's house . This has been the tradition going back twenty - odd years . My aunt is a great cook and usually makes turkey breast or ham with all the trimmings , including her delicious homemade dressing . She works very hard and we always thank her for the wonderful meal . Last Thanksgiving , I met my mother and drove to my aunt 's house . My brother was supposed to pick up his girlfriend ( who was also invited ) but he 's always late and this was no exception . Dinner was scheduled to start at a certain time , which he knew about . This may have been rude , but since he 's always late and the food was getting cold , and all of the other guests were assembled , we ate at the scheduled time . He and his girlfriend , let 's call her Kelly , showed up about 20 minutes after we had started to eat . They were both dressed extremely casually . ( My family doesn 't dress extremely formally for these things , but I typically wear a nice sweater and a nicer pair of jeans or slacks and dressy shoes . ) Kelly complained that they were seated at the kitchen table . ( This was because there was not enough space in the dining room , and I 'll add my mother and my aunt , the hostess , also ate in the kitchen . ) After the meal Kelly became upset at something my brother said ( which was probably reasonable , my brother is not a nice person ) and proceeded to lock herself in my cousin 's basement room . She would not come out for at least a half hour . They both ate messily and finished all of my aunt 's homemade dressing , of which there are usually plenty of leftovers . Their behavior was just generally rude and not appreciative of the wonderful meal they 'd been invited to . They were not invited to Christmas dinner . ( also a long - standing tradition ) When my brother found out about this ( I tried to keep it to myself but he asked me directly on Christmas Eve if I would be going the next day ) he acted extremely put out that he and his girlfriend were not going to be asked back . He seemed to think it was coLogged Shortly after ds was born , a friend of mine came to visit with her 3 sons . Yikes ! They were 4 , 3 and under 1 . The boys jumped on my couch , ripped the newspaper that had come that day , cleared off the bottom of the bookshelf , and poked my couch with diaper pins . They only stayed an hour and I was so glad to see them go . Mom did not stop them and I didn 't feel comfortable saying anything . If I recall correctly , she did say that I needed to baby proof the house . Uh , not if my son was a month old ! Logged I had a suitcase full of good quality clothes that didn 't fit me . I asked my friends if they could use them , planning to donate to Goodwill if they couldn 't . None of my friends could use them but one said that a friend of hers " Molly " was having a tough time financially and asked if I 'd be willing to give them to her . I said that would be fine . We arranged for Molly to come and see the clothes and take anything she wanted . She arrived at my house late and when she rang the doorbell she was talking on her cell . She didn 't make eye contact and I awkwardly let her into the house and waited for her to stop talking . She talked for another ten minutes about a problem she was having and finally hung up . She accepted the soft drink I offered her but didn 't greet me , just went on talking about the problem she 'd told her friend on the cell about . She came to see the clothes and said she would try them on . She took them all into the bathroom with her and tried them on for about an hour . Finally she came downstairs and said " I 'll take them " . She was disappointed I wouldn 't give her the suitcase I had been keeping them in and she asked if I had anything else to give away . She then complained some more about her personal problems . Finally she left with all the clothes . At no point did she ever said thank you for anything . Not even once . My SIL and BIL came to visit one month after I had my dd . His dad lived in the same state we do and he needed help moving from his home into assisted living quarters . SIL very nicely asked if they could please stay on our pull - out couch since the plane tickets were about all they could afford . For 2 nights , not a big deal I thought . BIL smokes . No smoking is allowed in my house especially with a new baby in the home . He smoked on the front porch and it still came thru the windows . DH asked him to please take a walk when he smoked ( like FIL does when he visits ) and BIL got bent out of shape . SIL asked us to please make an acception for her DH . No . The next morning they were helping his dad move all day but due back around 5 : 00 . DH went after work and got a bunch of lunch meat and 3 types of salad so I wouldn 't have to cook . I told him to get a lot so the next day we could have the left overs for lunch . SIL and BIL come in , with his dad who we did not know was coming , and his first comment is " That is A LOT of food . " I smile and said " We thought you might be hungry . If not , there will be left overs for tomorrow . " Him : " We are going to be eating the same thing tomorrow ? ! " Me : ( losing it ) " If you chose to eat here , then yes . " They have never been invited back . I was not the hostess in this case . Several years ago , my grandmother deteriorated quickly and had brain surgery , and all of the relatives were informed that this could be the end , and to come into town . ( Luckily , it was not , and she 's still alive and well ) . I was getting laundry ready when I got the call from my cousin , and I told him that I could come right away , but I had no clean clothes , so could I do laundry at his place ? He said fine . So a 5 hour drive with my mom , a visit to the hospital , a very late fast - food dinner , and then laundry at my cousins ' house at midnight . My cousins are twins and at the time owned a house together . It was kind of party central , and there were always people coming and going . So they had guests , and I was already tired and grouchy , and their guest was annoying me , so I apologized and said I was a little out of sorts because my grandmother was very sick in the hospital after having endured major surgery as an octogenarian . His response : " Oh , I know just how you feel . The other day I spilled ketchup on my white shirt . It was the worst day of my life . " Later on , he said to one of my cousins , " I don 't think your cousin likes me . " Gee . . . ya think ? Paul , a college roommate 's friend , thought that it was " funny " that I took good care of my dog , and thought my devotion to her was excessive . Yes , I loved her , still do , and took good care of her and enjoyed being with her , but I didn 't do anything crazy . But Paul thought it would be funny to play a joke on me . See , I took exception to the fact that he took her face into his hands and blew smoke up her nose . I told him that he had to leave immediately , and that that was a cruel , dangerous , and disgusting thing to do to an animal . I came in from work one evening , put my things down and greeted my pup , and was about to take her for a walk when the phone rang . A man began screaming at me about his injured son , saying that my dog had gotten loose , had bitten his child badly on the face , and that , even now , he was in surgery and that the man was calling the police and animal control on me , that he wouldn 't stop until he made sure that my dog was put down . I went into complete panic mode , and was trying to seek information , as well as pointing out that my dog wasn 't loose , that she 'd been inside since I had left for work . He began screaming some more , cursing me out , and threatening to come and take care of my dog himself . He then hung up on me , and I tried to get myself together a bit , since I was hysterically sobbing , and I was about to call the police . The roommate had been over at Paul 's house , but had been outside while the call was being made . He 'd walked into the room at the tail - end of it , when Paul had hung up , and Paul smugly informed him of what he 'd done . Roommate called me immediately to let me know that it was Paul , and that he was coming home right away to make sure I was o . k . When he got home , I said , " Paul was pretty much banned anyway , but I don 't even want to see him at any parties or group events , ever . " Still makes me mad , thinking about it . This wasn 't at my own house , but a very dear friend that I used to hang out with all the time . My friend decided to throw a small party in celebration of his graduation from college so about ten people were in the house total . One of the guys that came brought two of his buddies who decided to drink ALL the alcohol in the house and start " play fighting . " Only this was a full - on fight that included the blood and breaking of a dining room table along with the general mess of a fight that includes furniture being thrown around . My friend eventually asked the two drunk guys to leave and they did , but it wasn 't until later that we noticed that they ended up stealing prescription medicine from my purse and threw up in the downstairs foyer leading to the front yard ! |
I did a search & couldn 't find this topic . A few years ago , it was my then - BF 's birthday . We went to a hockey game with a bunch of his friends , and then I invited everyone over to my place afterwards for some beers . This was the first time I had ever hosted any BF 's friends . ( BG : The day this happened , I had received Uggs & a pair of cords in the mail that I had ordered online . I had opened them right after I got off work , and then set them on my coffee table as I had to scramble to get ready in time to meet the BF for dinner & drinks before the game ) When we got to my place after the game , I lit pretty much every candle I owned , as it was about a dozen people , 3 / 4 of them smokers ( as am I ) . I wanted to mask the smoke somehow b / c my apt isn 't exactly gigantic , I 'd never had that many people smoking at once inside of it , and even if I had wanted to open a window , they were frozen shut . The BF sees the pkg on the coffee table , & asks what I ordered , I show him the pants & the boots and set them back on the coffee table . After a couple of beers , BF & his friend decide to throw the balled - up tissue that was in the boots at each other . One tissue ball lands on my dinette , and BF 's friend who is sitting there , picks it up & holds it to the candle , & lights it . She holds a burning tissue ball in her hand for a second , that goes , " Oh ! " & throws it in the sink , but not before a couple of burning embers float down to the off - white carpet , luckily , no noticable damage . Everyone sits in stunned silence for a few minutes . Then Pyro 's BF immediately jumps up & says , " Well , we should get going . " Pyro just walks down the hall to my front door and gets her coat from the front closet , and waits at the door while her BF said good - bye to everyone . Wow , just wow . My story isn 't as " good " as snowball 's , but it 's still kinda good . When my mom and I moved into my stepdad 's house , my stepsister " Geni " still came over . Along with her friends . One of her friends was named " Vanessa " and she was the rudest person I knew . It was the summer inbetween 4th and 5th grade for me , and at the time , I had these barbie books that I loved . Vanessa would come into my room and read the books to me as if I was a baby . ( it was her tone of voice , and the fact that in kindergarten I was reading at a 4th and 5th grade level that made it really bad . . . ) In general , Vanessa treated me as if I was a baby / toddler who needed to be treated as such . The reason she was un - invited from the house was , in addtion to being rude , she was also really disrespectful to my stepdad . One morning , he went into the living room that had WHITE couches and saw Vanessa eating a RED popsicle without anything to catch the juice . Normally , he told Geni 's friends to go get a papertowel and to not eat on the white couch and they did with no problem . Vanessa was " special " though . Not only did she say that she didn 't want to , she said it in a way that made my stepdad ban her from the house . ( and my stepdad very rarely bans people from the house . ) Logged I have one of those friends who does not know when it 's time to leave . She kept me up to 4 : 30 a . m . one night chatting away and playing my video games . I started doing the PA thing , " Oh , it 's getting late , " which had no effect on her to " I can make up a bed for you on the couch " which eventually became " OK , I 'm going to bed . " She only went to bed ( on my couch ) when she was good and ready . I now either meet her at her place or out in public , but I can 't remember when was the last I time I invited her over . I had just moved into my very first apartment and I really liked it . No one had ever lived in it and I spent a lot of time decorating it and everything . I was quite pleased . Then , I invited this guy I was friends with at the time over and he brought a couple of friends who were visiting him . These guys were the type who thought they were so cool that everyone should just be overjoyed to be in their presence . They came in my apartment and wandered around eating my food and telling stupid stories . Then , one of them walked over to my bookshelf , grabbed my leather Bible that my Mom had got me ( which was pretty expensive , not to mention , it was a * Bible * ) . He took it , held it up in the air , and said " This is what we think of Bibles ! " and ripped it up right in front of me ! My mouth dropped open and I was speechless ! The guy that I had invited over , then said , " Uh , we better get going , " and I said " Yeah , I think so . " Man , that still makes me angry to think about it . Well , no one has ever tried to set my house on fire , but here goes my story . I have an Aunt that lives along the Gulf Coast . She 's not a very nice person and I 've never really liked her . She is especially mean to my Mother , her younger sister . My Mom does not know how to tell anyone no and when Hurricaine Rita was heading towards Aunt 's house my Mom graciously invited her to evacuate to my house . Note that I did not extend the invitation . So I was already very unhappy when I got the call at work that Aunt and her three horribly behaved dogs were coming to my house . So Aunt comes and sets up camp in my guest bedroom . Her dogs chase my cats and annoy my dogs . Aunt has a habit of coating herself with baby powder every morning and by day 2 there is a thin coat of baby powder all over my house that she does not even offer to clean up . But the worst thing was her dogs potty habits . She lived in an apartment with a back patio , but no grass . So her dogs just pooped on her back patio . When they came to my house the dogs refused to use any of the grass in my 1 / 2 acre back yard and insisted on pooping on my back patio . I was not amused . Aunt kept saying she would clean it up , but never did . Rita completely misses her town , so after a week she goes home . By this point I 've taken to hiding in my bedroom with a bottle of wine and trying to ignore the thick layer of baby powder and the massive quantity of dog poop on my back patio . Aunt comes and knocks on my bedroom door at 5 : 00 am and tells me she is leaving . I was not amused at the hour but was so relieved that she was leaving that I gladly helped her load her car and those drat dogs . After she pulled out of the driveway I went to the backyard and spotted that she hadn 't cleaned up the dog poop . Grrrrrrr . Sadly , before Ike and Gustav came along I found someone who desparately needed a bedroom suite and turned my guest bedroom into my knitting room . Aunt stayed with my Mom and boarded the dogs . Logged Back when I was involved with a church I invited the youth minister 's family over ( they were new ) . They had 3 kids , a girl and 2 boys . I didn 't know them well , but they seemed to be okay . They walk in and the first thing the 3 kids do is to jump on our sofa ! Mom and dad do / say nothing . They they proceed to the bedrooms to jump on the beds . Parents at this point say , in a joking way , something like " maybe you shouldn 't be jumping on the furniture , ha , ha . " I learned that this is the way they disciplined . Very ineffectual , and their kids ' behavior was consistently very bratty ( labels have been frowned on here lately , but this isn 't labeling the kids , it 's labeling the behavior ) . The worst example of this was when we were all at a farm at a church event . The DD decided she wanted to go into the pasture where the bulls were ! She was playing in the field , while mumsy and daddy were calling her feebly , " Honey , can you come out of the field now ? There 's a bull there . " Evil me was imagining just a little tap from an irate cow or bull , just enough to put some natural fear into the girl . Needless to say , after that first visit they were never invited again . This story isn 't too shocking , considering it came from a child , but she was old enough to know better . In our old neighborhood was one of those kids whose parents just turned her out into the street all day because they didn 't want to deal with her . I felt sorry for her , so I would talk to her and one day I invited her in . She was probably 11 years old at that time . She instantly went into my kitchen and opened all of my cabinets one by one . I just stood there in shock . Finally I asked her what she was looking for , and asked her to please stop . A few days later , she came over and understandably , I didn 't invite her in , so we were talking through the screen door . She was wearing a grass skirt over her clothes and began wadding it up and pushing it through a hole in my screen , making it larger . I said , " Please don 't do that , you 're making the hole in the screen bigger . " Her response was to give me a " diva " head shake and push her face closer to mine , as if to challenge me and say , " Don 't tell me what to do . " I said , " Excuse me ? ? This is MY house , and you will NOT damage my screen . " She left and never came back . I felt bad about it , because I know she was a messed up kid , but I didn 't feel I did anything wrong . When I was in my teens , my brother had a friend over . We lived on about 9 acres , and had two horses , a barn , and a chicken coop from when the previous owner had chickens . It was a hot day , so we were putting the horses out at night and bringing them in to the barn during the day to protect them from the sun . My brother first took his friend down to the barn to show him the horses . I went down to the barn soon afterwards to make sure they weren 't giving the horses too many treats . I was on my way to the barn when I heard the crack of a whip . I came running , and here the guy was swinging the lunge whip at the two terrified horses in their stalls . I read the guy the riot act , told him he needed to get out of the barn IMMEDIATELY and stay away from the horses from now on , and stayed close to the barn for the rest of his visit . A little while later , brother and his friend decide to do archery . They set up targets on some hay bales in the middle of the field , pretty well away from everything . Friend decides to aim at the glass window of the old chicken coop instead , takes it out and gets broken glass all over the place . Strangely this friend never got invited back again . . . My mother , myself , and my brother usually go to Thanksgiving dinner at my aunt 's house . This has been the tradition going back twenty - odd years . My aunt is a great cook and usually makes turkey breast or ham with all the trimmings , including her delicious homemade dressing . She works very hard and we always thank her for the wonderful meal . Last Thanksgiving , I met my mother and drove to my aunt 's house . My brother was supposed to pick up his girlfriend ( who was also invited ) but he 's always late and this was no exception . Dinner was scheduled to start at a certain time , which he knew about . This may have been rude , but since he 's always late and the food was getting cold , and all of the other guests were assembled , we ate at the scheduled time . He and his girlfriend , let 's call her Kelly , showed up about 20 minutes after we had started to eat . They were both dressed extremely casually . ( My family doesn 't dress extremely formally for these things , but I typically wear a nice sweater and a nicer pair of jeans or slacks and dressy shoes . ) Kelly complained that they were seated at the kitchen table . ( This was because there was not enough space in the dining room , and I 'll add my mother and my aunt , the hostess , also ate in the kitchen . ) After the meal Kelly became upset at something my brother said ( which was probably reasonable , my brother is not a nice person ) and proceeded to lock herself in my cousin 's basement room . She would not come out for at least a half hour . They both ate messily and finished all of my aunt 's homemade dressing , of which there are usually plenty of leftovers . Their behavior was just generally rude and not appreciative of the wonderful meal they 'd been invited to . They were not invited to Christmas dinner . ( also a long - standing tradition ) When my brother found out about this ( I tried to keep it to myself but he asked me directly on Christmas Eve if I would be going the next day ) he acted extremely put out that he and his girlfriend were not going to be asked back . He seemed to think it was coLogged Shortly after ds was born , a friend of mine came to visit with her 3 sons . Yikes ! They were 4 , 3 and under 1 . The boys jumped on my couch , ripped the newspaper that had come that day , cleared off the bottom of the bookshelf , and poked my couch with diaper pins . They only stayed an hour and I was so glad to see them go . Mom did not stop them and I didn 't feel comfortable saying anything . If I recall correctly , she did say that I needed to baby proof the house . Uh , not if my son was a month old ! Logged I had a suitcase full of good quality clothes that didn 't fit me . I asked my friends if they could use them , planning to donate to Goodwill if they couldn 't . None of my friends could use them but one said that a friend of hers " Molly " was having a tough time financially and asked if I 'd be willing to give them to her . I said that would be fine . We arranged for Molly to come and see the clothes and take anything she wanted . She arrived at my house late and when she rang the doorbell she was talking on her cell . She didn 't make eye contact and I awkwardly let her into the house and waited for her to stop talking . She talked for another ten minutes about a problem she was having and finally hung up . She accepted the soft drink I offered her but didn 't greet me , just went on talking about the problem she 'd told her friend on the cell about . She came to see the clothes and said she would try them on . She took them all into the bathroom with her and tried them on for about an hour . Finally she came downstairs and said " I 'll take them " . She was disappointed I wouldn 't give her the suitcase I had been keeping them in and she asked if I had anything else to give away . She then complained some more about her personal problems . Finally she left with all the clothes . At no point did she ever said thank you for anything . Not even once . My SIL and BIL came to visit one month after I had my dd . His dad lived in the same state we do and he needed help moving from his home into assisted living quarters . SIL very nicely asked if they could please stay on our pull - out couch since the plane tickets were about all they could afford . For 2 nights , not a big deal I thought . BIL smokes . No smoking is allowed in my house especially with a new baby in the home . He smoked on the front porch and it still came thru the windows . DH asked him to please take a walk when he smoked ( like FIL does when he visits ) and BIL got bent out of shape . SIL asked us to please make an acception for her DH . No . The next morning they were helping his dad move all day but due back around 5 : 00 . DH went after work and got a bunch of lunch meat and 3 types of salad so I wouldn 't have to cook . I told him to get a lot so the next day we could have the left overs for lunch . SIL and BIL come in , with his dad who we did not know was coming , and his first comment is " That is A LOT of food . " I smile and said " We thought you might be hungry . If not , there will be left overs for tomorrow . " Him : " We are going to be eating the same thing tomorrow ? ! " Me : ( losing it ) " If you chose to eat here , then yes . " They have never been invited back . I was not the hostess in this case . Several years ago , my grandmother deteriorated quickly and had brain surgery , and all of the relatives were informed that this could be the end , and to come into town . ( Luckily , it was not , and she 's still alive and well ) . I was getting laundry ready when I got the call from my cousin , and I told him that I could come right away , but I had no clean clothes , so could I do laundry at his place ? He said fine . So a 5 hour drive with my mom , a visit to the hospital , a very late fast - food dinner , and then laundry at my cousins ' house at midnight . My cousins are twins and at the time owned a house together . It was kind of party central , and there were always people coming and going . So they had guests , and I was already tired and grouchy , and their guest was annoying me , so I apologized and said I was a little out of sorts because my grandmother was very sick in the hospital after having endured major surgery as an octogenarian . His response : " Oh , I know just how you feel . The other day I spilled ketchup on my white shirt . It was the worst day of my life . " Later on , he said to one of my cousins , " I don 't think your cousin likes me . " Gee . . . ya think ? Paul , a college roommate 's friend , thought that it was " funny " that I took good care of my dog , and thought my devotion to her was excessive . Yes , I loved her , still do , and took good care of her and enjoyed being with her , but I didn 't do anything crazy . But Paul thought it would be funny to play a joke on me . See , I took exception to the fact that he took her face into his hands and blew smoke up her nose . I told him that he had to leave immediately , and that that was a cruel , dangerous , and disgusting thing to do to an animal . I came in from work one evening , put my things down and greeted my pup , and was about to take her for a walk when the phone rang . A man began screaming at me about his injured son , saying that my dog had gotten loose , had bitten his child badly on the face , and that , even now , he was in surgery and that the man was calling the police and animal control on me , that he wouldn 't stop until he made sure that my dog was put down . I went into complete panic mode , and was trying to seek information , as well as pointing out that my dog wasn 't loose , that she 'd been inside since I had left for work . He began screaming some more , cursing me out , and threatening to come and take care of my dog himself . He then hung up on me , and I tried to get myself together a bit , since I was hysterically sobbing , and I was about to call the police . The roommate had been over at Paul 's house , but had been outside while the call was being made . He 'd walked into the room at the tail - end of it , when Paul had hung up , and Paul smugly informed him of what he 'd done . Roommate called me immediately to let me know that it was Paul , and that he was coming home right away to make sure I was o . k . When he got home , I said , " Paul was pretty much banned anyway , but I don 't even want to see him at any parties or group events , ever . " Still makes me mad , thinking about it . This wasn 't at my own house , but a very dear friend that I used to hang out with all the time . My friend decided to throw a small party in celebration of his graduation from college so about ten people were in the house total . One of the guys that came brought two of his buddies who decided to drink ALL the alcohol in the house and start " play fighting . " Only this was a full - on fight that included the blood and breaking of a dining room table along with the general mess of a fight that includes furniture being thrown around . My friend eventually asked the two drunk guys to leave and they did , but it wasn 't until later that we noticed that they ended up stealing prescription medicine from my purse and threw up in the downstairs foyer leading to the front yard ! |
I did a search & couldn 't find this topic . A few years ago , it was my then - BF 's birthday . We went to a hockey game with a bunch of his friends , and then I invited everyone over to my place afterwards for some beers . This was the first time I had ever hosted any BF 's friends . ( BG : The day this happened , I had received Uggs & a pair of cords in the mail that I had ordered online . I had opened them right after I got off work , and then set them on my coffee table as I had to scramble to get ready in time to meet the BF for dinner & drinks before the game ) When we got to my place after the game , I lit pretty much every candle I owned , as it was about a dozen people , 3 / 4 of them smokers ( as am I ) . I wanted to mask the smoke somehow b / c my apt isn 't exactly gigantic , I 'd never had that many people smoking at once inside of it , and even if I had wanted to open a window , they were frozen shut . The BF sees the pkg on the coffee table , & asks what I ordered , I show him the pants & the boots and set them back on the coffee table . After a couple of beers , BF & his friend decide to throw the balled - up tissue that was in the boots at each other . One tissue ball lands on my dinette , and BF 's friend who is sitting there , picks it up & holds it to the candle , & lights it . She holds a burning tissue ball in her hand for a second , that goes , " Oh ! " & throws it in the sink , but not before a couple of burning embers float down to the off - white carpet , luckily , no noticable damage . Everyone sits in stunned silence for a few minutes . Then Pyro 's BF immediately jumps up & says , " Well , we should get going . " Pyro just walks down the hall to my front door and gets her coat from the front closet , and waits at the door while her BF said good - bye to everyone . Wow , just wow . My story isn 't as " good " as snowball 's , but it 's still kinda good . When my mom and I moved into my stepdad 's house , my stepsister " Geni " still came over . Along with her friends . One of her friends was named " Vanessa " and she was the rudest person I knew . It was the summer inbetween 4th and 5th grade for me , and at the time , I had these barbie books that I loved . Vanessa would come into my room and read the books to me as if I was a baby . ( it was her tone of voice , and the fact that in kindergarten I was reading at a 4th and 5th grade level that made it really bad . . . ) In general , Vanessa treated me as if I was a baby / toddler who needed to be treated as such . The reason she was un - invited from the house was , in addtion to being rude , she was also really disrespectful to my stepdad . One morning , he went into the living room that had WHITE couches and saw Vanessa eating a RED popsicle without anything to catch the juice . Normally , he told Geni 's friends to go get a papertowel and to not eat on the white couch and they did with no problem . Vanessa was " special " though . Not only did she say that she didn 't want to , she said it in a way that made my stepdad ban her from the house . ( and my stepdad very rarely bans people from the house . ) Logged I have one of those friends who does not know when it 's time to leave . She kept me up to 4 : 30 a . m . one night chatting away and playing my video games . I started doing the PA thing , " Oh , it 's getting late , " which had no effect on her to " I can make up a bed for you on the couch " which eventually became " OK , I 'm going to bed . " She only went to bed ( on my couch ) when she was good and ready . I now either meet her at her place or out in public , but I can 't remember when was the last I time I invited her over . I had just moved into my very first apartment and I really liked it . No one had ever lived in it and I spent a lot of time decorating it and everything . I was quite pleased . Then , I invited this guy I was friends with at the time over and he brought a couple of friends who were visiting him . These guys were the type who thought they were so cool that everyone should just be overjoyed to be in their presence . They came in my apartment and wandered around eating my food and telling stupid stories . Then , one of them walked over to my bookshelf , grabbed my leather Bible that my Mom had got me ( which was pretty expensive , not to mention , it was a * Bible * ) . He took it , held it up in the air , and said " This is what we think of Bibles ! " and ripped it up right in front of me ! My mouth dropped open and I was speechless ! The guy that I had invited over , then said , " Uh , we better get going , " and I said " Yeah , I think so . " Man , that still makes me angry to think about it . Well , no one has ever tried to set my house on fire , but here goes my story . I have an Aunt that lives along the Gulf Coast . She 's not a very nice person and I 've never really liked her . She is especially mean to my Mother , her younger sister . My Mom does not know how to tell anyone no and when Hurricaine Rita was heading towards Aunt 's house my Mom graciously invited her to evacuate to my house . Note that I did not extend the invitation . So I was already very unhappy when I got the call at work that Aunt and her three horribly behaved dogs were coming to my house . So Aunt comes and sets up camp in my guest bedroom . Her dogs chase my cats and annoy my dogs . Aunt has a habit of coating herself with baby powder every morning and by day 2 there is a thin coat of baby powder all over my house that she does not even offer to clean up . But the worst thing was her dogs potty habits . She lived in an apartment with a back patio , but no grass . So her dogs just pooped on her back patio . When they came to my house the dogs refused to use any of the grass in my 1 / 2 acre back yard and insisted on pooping on my back patio . I was not amused . Aunt kept saying she would clean it up , but never did . Rita completely misses her town , so after a week she goes home . By this point I 've taken to hiding in my bedroom with a bottle of wine and trying to ignore the thick layer of baby powder and the massive quantity of dog poop on my back patio . Aunt comes and knocks on my bedroom door at 5 : 00 am and tells me she is leaving . I was not amused at the hour but was so relieved that she was leaving that I gladly helped her load her car and those drat dogs . After she pulled out of the driveway I went to the backyard and spotted that she hadn 't cleaned up the dog poop . Grrrrrrr . Sadly , before Ike and Gustav came along I found someone who desparately needed a bedroom suite and turned my guest bedroom into my knitting room . Aunt stayed with my Mom and boarded the dogs . Logged Back when I was involved with a church I invited the youth minister 's family over ( they were new ) . They had 3 kids , a girl and 2 boys . I didn 't know them well , but they seemed to be okay . They walk in and the first thing the 3 kids do is to jump on our sofa ! Mom and dad do / say nothing . They they proceed to the bedrooms to jump on the beds . Parents at this point say , in a joking way , something like " maybe you shouldn 't be jumping on the furniture , ha , ha . " I learned that this is the way they disciplined . Very ineffectual , and their kids ' behavior was consistently very bratty ( labels have been frowned on here lately , but this isn 't labeling the kids , it 's labeling the behavior ) . The worst example of this was when we were all at a farm at a church event . The DD decided she wanted to go into the pasture where the bulls were ! She was playing in the field , while mumsy and daddy were calling her feebly , " Honey , can you come out of the field now ? There 's a bull there . " Evil me was imagining just a little tap from an irate cow or bull , just enough to put some natural fear into the girl . Needless to say , after that first visit they were never invited again . This story isn 't too shocking , considering it came from a child , but she was old enough to know better . In our old neighborhood was one of those kids whose parents just turned her out into the street all day because they didn 't want to deal with her . I felt sorry for her , so I would talk to her and one day I invited her in . She was probably 11 years old at that time . She instantly went into my kitchen and opened all of my cabinets one by one . I just stood there in shock . Finally I asked her what she was looking for , and asked her to please stop . A few days later , she came over and understandably , I didn 't invite her in , so we were talking through the screen door . She was wearing a grass skirt over her clothes and began wadding it up and pushing it through a hole in my screen , making it larger . I said , " Please don 't do that , you 're making the hole in the screen bigger . " Her response was to give me a " diva " head shake and push her face closer to mine , as if to challenge me and say , " Don 't tell me what to do . " I said , " Excuse me ? ? This is MY house , and you will NOT damage my screen . " She left and never came back . I felt bad about it , because I know she was a messed up kid , but I didn 't feel I did anything wrong . When I was in my teens , my brother had a friend over . We lived on about 9 acres , and had two horses , a barn , and a chicken coop from when the previous owner had chickens . It was a hot day , so we were putting the horses out at night and bringing them in to the barn during the day to protect them from the sun . My brother first took his friend down to the barn to show him the horses . I went down to the barn soon afterwards to make sure they weren 't giving the horses too many treats . I was on my way to the barn when I heard the crack of a whip . I came running , and here the guy was swinging the lunge whip at the two terrified horses in their stalls . I read the guy the riot act , told him he needed to get out of the barn IMMEDIATELY and stay away from the horses from now on , and stayed close to the barn for the rest of his visit . A little while later , brother and his friend decide to do archery . They set up targets on some hay bales in the middle of the field , pretty well away from everything . Friend decides to aim at the glass window of the old chicken coop instead , takes it out and gets broken glass all over the place . Strangely this friend never got invited back again . . . My mother , myself , and my brother usually go to Thanksgiving dinner at my aunt 's house . This has been the tradition going back twenty - odd years . My aunt is a great cook and usually makes turkey breast or ham with all the trimmings , including her delicious homemade dressing . She works very hard and we always thank her for the wonderful meal . Last Thanksgiving , I met my mother and drove to my aunt 's house . My brother was supposed to pick up his girlfriend ( who was also invited ) but he 's always late and this was no exception . Dinner was scheduled to start at a certain time , which he knew about . This may have been rude , but since he 's always late and the food was getting cold , and all of the other guests were assembled , we ate at the scheduled time . He and his girlfriend , let 's call her Kelly , showed up about 20 minutes after we had started to eat . They were both dressed extremely casually . ( My family doesn 't dress extremely formally for these things , but I typically wear a nice sweater and a nicer pair of jeans or slacks and dressy shoes . ) Kelly complained that they were seated at the kitchen table . ( This was because there was not enough space in the dining room , and I 'll add my mother and my aunt , the hostess , also ate in the kitchen . ) After the meal Kelly became upset at something my brother said ( which was probably reasonable , my brother is not a nice person ) and proceeded to lock herself in my cousin 's basement room . She would not come out for at least a half hour . They both ate messily and finished all of my aunt 's homemade dressing , of which there are usually plenty of leftovers . Their behavior was just generally rude and not appreciative of the wonderful meal they 'd been invited to . They were not invited to Christmas dinner . ( also a long - standing tradition ) When my brother found out about this ( I tried to keep it to myself but he asked me directly on Christmas Eve if I would be going the next day ) he acted extremely put out that he and his girlfriend were not going to be asked back . He seemed to think it was coLogged Shortly after ds was born , a friend of mine came to visit with her 3 sons . Yikes ! They were 4 , 3 and under 1 . The boys jumped on my couch , ripped the newspaper that had come that day , cleared off the bottom of the bookshelf , and poked my couch with diaper pins . They only stayed an hour and I was so glad to see them go . Mom did not stop them and I didn 't feel comfortable saying anything . If I recall correctly , she did say that I needed to baby proof the house . Uh , not if my son was a month old ! Logged I had a suitcase full of good quality clothes that didn 't fit me . I asked my friends if they could use them , planning to donate to Goodwill if they couldn 't . None of my friends could use them but one said that a friend of hers " Molly " was having a tough time financially and asked if I 'd be willing to give them to her . I said that would be fine . We arranged for Molly to come and see the clothes and take anything she wanted . She arrived at my house late and when she rang the doorbell she was talking on her cell . She didn 't make eye contact and I awkwardly let her into the house and waited for her to stop talking . She talked for another ten minutes about a problem she was having and finally hung up . She accepted the soft drink I offered her but didn 't greet me , just went on talking about the problem she 'd told her friend on the cell about . She came to see the clothes and said she would try them on . She took them all into the bathroom with her and tried them on for about an hour . Finally she came downstairs and said " I 'll take them " . She was disappointed I wouldn 't give her the suitcase I had been keeping them in and she asked if I had anything else to give away . She then complained some more about her personal problems . Finally she left with all the clothes . At no point did she ever said thank you for anything . Not even once . My SIL and BIL came to visit one month after I had my dd . His dad lived in the same state we do and he needed help moving from his home into assisted living quarters . SIL very nicely asked if they could please stay on our pull - out couch since the plane tickets were about all they could afford . For 2 nights , not a big deal I thought . BIL smokes . No smoking is allowed in my house especially with a new baby in the home . He smoked on the front porch and it still came thru the windows . DH asked him to please take a walk when he smoked ( like FIL does when he visits ) and BIL got bent out of shape . SIL asked us to please make an acception for her DH . No . The next morning they were helping his dad move all day but due back around 5 : 00 . DH went after work and got a bunch of lunch meat and 3 types of salad so I wouldn 't have to cook . I told him to get a lot so the next day we could have the left overs for lunch . SIL and BIL come in , with his dad who we did not know was coming , and his first comment is " That is A LOT of food . " I smile and said " We thought you might be hungry . If not , there will be left overs for tomorrow . " Him : " We are going to be eating the same thing tomorrow ? ! " Me : ( losing it ) " If you chose to eat here , then yes . " They have never been invited back . I was not the hostess in this case . Several years ago , my grandmother deteriorated quickly and had brain surgery , and all of the relatives were informed that this could be the end , and to come into town . ( Luckily , it was not , and she 's still alive and well ) . I was getting laundry ready when I got the call from my cousin , and I told him that I could come right away , but I had no clean clothes , so could I do laundry at his place ? He said fine . So a 5 hour drive with my mom , a visit to the hospital , a very late fast - food dinner , and then laundry at my cousins ' house at midnight . My cousins are twins and at the time owned a house together . It was kind of party central , and there were always people coming and going . So they had guests , and I was already tired and grouchy , and their guest was annoying me , so I apologized and said I was a little out of sorts because my grandmother was very sick in the hospital after having endured major surgery as an octogenarian . His response : " Oh , I know just how you feel . The other day I spilled ketchup on my white shirt . It was the worst day of my life . " Later on , he said to one of my cousins , " I don 't think your cousin likes me . " Gee . . . ya think ? Paul , a college roommate 's friend , thought that it was " funny " that I took good care of my dog , and thought my devotion to her was excessive . Yes , I loved her , still do , and took good care of her and enjoyed being with her , but I didn 't do anything crazy . But Paul thought it would be funny to play a joke on me . See , I took exception to the fact that he took her face into his hands and blew smoke up her nose . I told him that he had to leave immediately , and that that was a cruel , dangerous , and disgusting thing to do to an animal . I came in from work one evening , put my things down and greeted my pup , and was about to take her for a walk when the phone rang . A man began screaming at me about his injured son , saying that my dog had gotten loose , had bitten his child badly on the face , and that , even now , he was in surgery and that the man was calling the police and animal control on me , that he wouldn 't stop until he made sure that my dog was put down . I went into complete panic mode , and was trying to seek information , as well as pointing out that my dog wasn 't loose , that she 'd been inside since I had left for work . He began screaming some more , cursing me out , and threatening to come and take care of my dog himself . He then hung up on me , and I tried to get myself together a bit , since I was hysterically sobbing , and I was about to call the police . The roommate had been over at Paul 's house , but had been outside while the call was being made . He 'd walked into the room at the tail - end of it , when Paul had hung up , and Paul smugly informed him of what he 'd done . Roommate called me immediately to let me know that it was Paul , and that he was coming home right away to make sure I was o . k . When he got home , I said , " Paul was pretty much banned anyway , but I don 't even want to see him at any parties or group events , ever . " Still makes me mad , thinking about it . This wasn 't at my own house , but a very dear friend that I used to hang out with all the time . My friend decided to throw a small party in celebration of his graduation from college so about ten people were in the house total . One of the guys that came brought two of his buddies who decided to drink ALL the alcohol in the house and start " play fighting . " Only this was a full - on fight that included the blood and breaking of a dining room table along with the general mess of a fight that includes furniture being thrown around . My friend eventually asked the two drunk guys to leave and they did , but it wasn 't until later that we noticed that they ended up stealing prescription medicine from my purse and threw up in the downstairs foyer leading to the front yard ! |
I did a search & couldn 't find this topic . A few years ago , it was my then - BF 's birthday . We went to a hockey game with a bunch of his friends , and then I invited everyone over to my place afterwards for some beers . This was the first time I had ever hosted any BF 's friends . ( BG : The day this happened , I had received Uggs & a pair of cords in the mail that I had ordered online . I had opened them right after I got off work , and then set them on my coffee table as I had to scramble to get ready in time to meet the BF for dinner & drinks before the game ) When we got to my place after the game , I lit pretty much every candle I owned , as it was about a dozen people , 3 / 4 of them smokers ( as am I ) . I wanted to mask the smoke somehow b / c my apt isn 't exactly gigantic , I 'd never had that many people smoking at once inside of it , and even if I had wanted to open a window , they were frozen shut . The BF sees the pkg on the coffee table , & asks what I ordered , I show him the pants & the boots and set them back on the coffee table . After a couple of beers , BF & his friend decide to throw the balled - up tissue that was in the boots at each other . One tissue ball lands on my dinette , and BF 's friend who is sitting there , picks it up & holds it to the candle , & lights it . She holds a burning tissue ball in her hand for a second , that goes , " Oh ! " & throws it in the sink , but not before a couple of burning embers float down to the off - white carpet , luckily , no noticable damage . Everyone sits in stunned silence for a few minutes . Then Pyro 's BF immediately jumps up & says , " Well , we should get going . " Pyro just walks down the hall to my front door and gets her coat from the front closet , and waits at the door while her BF said good - bye to everyone . Wow , just wow . My story isn 't as " good " as snowball 's , but it 's still kinda good . When my mom and I moved into my stepdad 's house , my stepsister " Geni " still came over . Along with her friends . One of her friends was named " Vanessa " and she was the rudest person I knew . It was the summer inbetween 4th and 5th grade for me , and at the time , I had these barbie books that I loved . Vanessa would come into my room and read the books to me as if I was a baby . ( it was her tone of voice , and the fact that in kindergarten I was reading at a 4th and 5th grade level that made it really bad . . . ) In general , Vanessa treated me as if I was a baby / toddler who needed to be treated as such . The reason she was un - invited from the house was , in addtion to being rude , she was also really disrespectful to my stepdad . One morning , he went into the living room that had WHITE couches and saw Vanessa eating a RED popsicle without anything to catch the juice . Normally , he told Geni 's friends to go get a papertowel and to not eat on the white couch and they did with no problem . Vanessa was " special " though . Not only did she say that she didn 't want to , she said it in a way that made my stepdad ban her from the house . ( and my stepdad very rarely bans people from the house . ) Logged I have one of those friends who does not know when it 's time to leave . She kept me up to 4 : 30 a . m . one night chatting away and playing my video games . I started doing the PA thing , " Oh , it 's getting late , " which had no effect on her to " I can make up a bed for you on the couch " which eventually became " OK , I 'm going to bed . " She only went to bed ( on my couch ) when she was good and ready . I now either meet her at her place or out in public , but I can 't remember when was the last I time I invited her over . I had just moved into my very first apartment and I really liked it . No one had ever lived in it and I spent a lot of time decorating it and everything . I was quite pleased . Then , I invited this guy I was friends with at the time over and he brought a couple of friends who were visiting him . These guys were the type who thought they were so cool that everyone should just be overjoyed to be in their presence . They came in my apartment and wandered around eating my food and telling stupid stories . Then , one of them walked over to my bookshelf , grabbed my leather Bible that my Mom had got me ( which was pretty expensive , not to mention , it was a * Bible * ) . He took it , held it up in the air , and said " This is what we think of Bibles ! " and ripped it up right in front of me ! My mouth dropped open and I was speechless ! The guy that I had invited over , then said , " Uh , we better get going , " and I said " Yeah , I think so . " Man , that still makes me angry to think about it . Well , no one has ever tried to set my house on fire , but here goes my story . I have an Aunt that lives along the Gulf Coast . She 's not a very nice person and I 've never really liked her . She is especially mean to my Mother , her younger sister . My Mom does not know how to tell anyone no and when Hurricaine Rita was heading towards Aunt 's house my Mom graciously invited her to evacuate to my house . Note that I did not extend the invitation . So I was already very unhappy when I got the call at work that Aunt and her three horribly behaved dogs were coming to my house . So Aunt comes and sets up camp in my guest bedroom . Her dogs chase my cats and annoy my dogs . Aunt has a habit of coating herself with baby powder every morning and by day 2 there is a thin coat of baby powder all over my house that she does not even offer to clean up . But the worst thing was her dogs potty habits . She lived in an apartment with a back patio , but no grass . So her dogs just pooped on her back patio . When they came to my house the dogs refused to use any of the grass in my 1 / 2 acre back yard and insisted on pooping on my back patio . I was not amused . Aunt kept saying she would clean it up , but never did . Rita completely misses her town , so after a week she goes home . By this point I 've taken to hiding in my bedroom with a bottle of wine and trying to ignore the thick layer of baby powder and the massive quantity of dog poop on my back patio . Aunt comes and knocks on my bedroom door at 5 : 00 am and tells me she is leaving . I was not amused at the hour but was so relieved that she was leaving that I gladly helped her load her car and those drat dogs . After she pulled out of the driveway I went to the backyard and spotted that she hadn 't cleaned up the dog poop . Grrrrrrr . Sadly , before Ike and Gustav came along I found someone who desparately needed a bedroom suite and turned my guest bedroom into my knitting room . Aunt stayed with my Mom and boarded the dogs . Logged Back when I was involved with a church I invited the youth minister 's family over ( they were new ) . They had 3 kids , a girl and 2 boys . I didn 't know them well , but they seemed to be okay . They walk in and the first thing the 3 kids do is to jump on our sofa ! Mom and dad do / say nothing . They they proceed to the bedrooms to jump on the beds . Parents at this point say , in a joking way , something like " maybe you shouldn 't be jumping on the furniture , ha , ha . " I learned that this is the way they disciplined . Very ineffectual , and their kids ' behavior was consistently very bratty ( labels have been frowned on here lately , but this isn 't labeling the kids , it 's labeling the behavior ) . The worst example of this was when we were all at a farm at a church event . The DD decided she wanted to go into the pasture where the bulls were ! She was playing in the field , while mumsy and daddy were calling her feebly , " Honey , can you come out of the field now ? There 's a bull there . " Evil me was imagining just a little tap from an irate cow or bull , just enough to put some natural fear into the girl . Needless to say , after that first visit they were never invited again . This story isn 't too shocking , considering it came from a child , but she was old enough to know better . In our old neighborhood was one of those kids whose parents just turned her out into the street all day because they didn 't want to deal with her . I felt sorry for her , so I would talk to her and one day I invited her in . She was probably 11 years old at that time . She instantly went into my kitchen and opened all of my cabinets one by one . I just stood there in shock . Finally I asked her what she was looking for , and asked her to please stop . A few days later , she came over and understandably , I didn 't invite her in , so we were talking through the screen door . She was wearing a grass skirt over her clothes and began wadding it up and pushing it through a hole in my screen , making it larger . I said , " Please don 't do that , you 're making the hole in the screen bigger . " Her response was to give me a " diva " head shake and push her face closer to mine , as if to challenge me and say , " Don 't tell me what to do . " I said , " Excuse me ? ? This is MY house , and you will NOT damage my screen . " She left and never came back . I felt bad about it , because I know she was a messed up kid , but I didn 't feel I did anything wrong . When I was in my teens , my brother had a friend over . We lived on about 9 acres , and had two horses , a barn , and a chicken coop from when the previous owner had chickens . It was a hot day , so we were putting the horses out at night and bringing them in to the barn during the day to protect them from the sun . My brother first took his friend down to the barn to show him the horses . I went down to the barn soon afterwards to make sure they weren 't giving the horses too many treats . I was on my way to the barn when I heard the crack of a whip . I came running , and here the guy was swinging the lunge whip at the two terrified horses in their stalls . I read the guy the riot act , told him he needed to get out of the barn IMMEDIATELY and stay away from the horses from now on , and stayed close to the barn for the rest of his visit . A little while later , brother and his friend decide to do archery . They set up targets on some hay bales in the middle of the field , pretty well away from everything . Friend decides to aim at the glass window of the old chicken coop instead , takes it out and gets broken glass all over the place . Strangely this friend never got invited back again . . . My mother , myself , and my brother usually go to Thanksgiving dinner at my aunt 's house . This has been the tradition going back twenty - odd years . My aunt is a great cook and usually makes turkey breast or ham with all the trimmings , including her delicious homemade dressing . She works very hard and we always thank her for the wonderful meal . Last Thanksgiving , I met my mother and drove to my aunt 's house . My brother was supposed to pick up his girlfriend ( who was also invited ) but he 's always late and this was no exception . Dinner was scheduled to start at a certain time , which he knew about . This may have been rude , but since he 's always late and the food was getting cold , and all of the other guests were assembled , we ate at the scheduled time . He and his girlfriend , let 's call her Kelly , showed up about 20 minutes after we had started to eat . They were both dressed extremely casually . ( My family doesn 't dress extremely formally for these things , but I typically wear a nice sweater and a nicer pair of jeans or slacks and dressy shoes . ) Kelly complained that they were seated at the kitchen table . ( This was because there was not enough space in the dining room , and I 'll add my mother and my aunt , the hostess , also ate in the kitchen . ) After the meal Kelly became upset at something my brother said ( which was probably reasonable , my brother is not a nice person ) and proceeded to lock herself in my cousin 's basement room . She would not come out for at least a half hour . They both ate messily and finished all of my aunt 's homemade dressing , of which there are usually plenty of leftovers . Their behavior was just generally rude and not appreciative of the wonderful meal they 'd been invited to . They were not invited to Christmas dinner . ( also a long - standing tradition ) When my brother found out about this ( I tried to keep it to myself but he asked me directly on Christmas Eve if I would be going the next day ) he acted extremely put out that he and his girlfriend were not going to be asked back . He seemed to think it was coLogged Shortly after ds was born , a friend of mine came to visit with her 3 sons . Yikes ! They were 4 , 3 and under 1 . The boys jumped on my couch , ripped the newspaper that had come that day , cleared off the bottom of the bookshelf , and poked my couch with diaper pins . They only stayed an hour and I was so glad to see them go . Mom did not stop them and I didn 't feel comfortable saying anything . If I recall correctly , she did say that I needed to baby proof the house . Uh , not if my son was a month old ! Logged I had a suitcase full of good quality clothes that didn 't fit me . I asked my friends if they could use them , planning to donate to Goodwill if they couldn 't . None of my friends could use them but one said that a friend of hers " Molly " was having a tough time financially and asked if I 'd be willing to give them to her . I said that would be fine . We arranged for Molly to come and see the clothes and take anything she wanted . She arrived at my house late and when she rang the doorbell she was talking on her cell . She didn 't make eye contact and I awkwardly let her into the house and waited for her to stop talking . She talked for another ten minutes about a problem she was having and finally hung up . She accepted the soft drink I offered her but didn 't greet me , just went on talking about the problem she 'd told her friend on the cell about . She came to see the clothes and said she would try them on . She took them all into the bathroom with her and tried them on for about an hour . Finally she came downstairs and said " I 'll take them " . She was disappointed I wouldn 't give her the suitcase I had been keeping them in and she asked if I had anything else to give away . She then complained some more about her personal problems . Finally she left with all the clothes . At no point did she ever said thank you for anything . Not even once . My SIL and BIL came to visit one month after I had my dd . His dad lived in the same state we do and he needed help moving from his home into assisted living quarters . SIL very nicely asked if they could please stay on our pull - out couch since the plane tickets were about all they could afford . For 2 nights , not a big deal I thought . BIL smokes . No smoking is allowed in my house especially with a new baby in the home . He smoked on the front porch and it still came thru the windows . DH asked him to please take a walk when he smoked ( like FIL does when he visits ) and BIL got bent out of shape . SIL asked us to please make an acception for her DH . No . The next morning they were helping his dad move all day but due back around 5 : 00 . DH went after work and got a bunch of lunch meat and 3 types of salad so I wouldn 't have to cook . I told him to get a lot so the next day we could have the left overs for lunch . SIL and BIL come in , with his dad who we did not know was coming , and his first comment is " That is A LOT of food . " I smile and said " We thought you might be hungry . If not , there will be left overs for tomorrow . " Him : " We are going to be eating the same thing tomorrow ? ! " Me : ( losing it ) " If you chose to eat here , then yes . " They have never been invited back . I was not the hostess in this case . Several years ago , my grandmother deteriorated quickly and had brain surgery , and all of the relatives were informed that this could be the end , and to come into town . ( Luckily , it was not , and she 's still alive and well ) . I was getting laundry ready when I got the call from my cousin , and I told him that I could come right away , but I had no clean clothes , so could I do laundry at his place ? He said fine . So a 5 hour drive with my mom , a visit to the hospital , a very late fast - food dinner , and then laundry at my cousins ' house at midnight . My cousins are twins and at the time owned a house together . It was kind of party central , and there were always people coming and going . So they had guests , and I was already tired and grouchy , and their guest was annoying me , so I apologized and said I was a little out of sorts because my grandmother was very sick in the hospital after having endured major surgery as an octogenarian . His response : " Oh , I know just how you feel . The other day I spilled ketchup on my white shirt . It was the worst day of my life . " Later on , he said to one of my cousins , " I don 't think your cousin likes me . " Gee . . . ya think ? Paul , a college roommate 's friend , thought that it was " funny " that I took good care of my dog , and thought my devotion to her was excessive . Yes , I loved her , still do , and took good care of her and enjoyed being with her , but I didn 't do anything crazy . But Paul thought it would be funny to play a joke on me . See , I took exception to the fact that he took her face into his hands and blew smoke up her nose . I told him that he had to leave immediately , and that that was a cruel , dangerous , and disgusting thing to do to an animal . I came in from work one evening , put my things down and greeted my pup , and was about to take her for a walk when the phone rang . A man began screaming at me about his injured son , saying that my dog had gotten loose , had bitten his child badly on the face , and that , even now , he was in surgery and that the man was calling the police and animal control on me , that he wouldn 't stop until he made sure that my dog was put down . I went into complete panic mode , and was trying to seek information , as well as pointing out that my dog wasn 't loose , that she 'd been inside since I had left for work . He began screaming some more , cursing me out , and threatening to come and take care of my dog himself . He then hung up on me , and I tried to get myself together a bit , since I was hysterically sobbing , and I was about to call the police . The roommate had been over at Paul 's house , but had been outside while the call was being made . He 'd walked into the room at the tail - end of it , when Paul had hung up , and Paul smugly informed him of what he 'd done . Roommate called me immediately to let me know that it was Paul , and that he was coming home right away to make sure I was o . k . When he got home , I said , " Paul was pretty much banned anyway , but I don 't even want to see him at any parties or group events , ever . " Still makes me mad , thinking about it . This wasn 't at my own house , but a very dear friend that I used to hang out with all the time . My friend decided to throw a small party in celebration of his graduation from college so about ten people were in the house total . One of the guys that came brought two of his buddies who decided to drink ALL the alcohol in the house and start " play fighting . " Only this was a full - on fight that included the blood and breaking of a dining room table along with the general mess of a fight that includes furniture being thrown around . My friend eventually asked the two drunk guys to leave and they did , but it wasn 't until later that we noticed that they ended up stealing prescription medicine from my purse and threw up in the downstairs foyer leading to the front yard ! |
I did a search & couldn 't find this topic . A few years ago , it was my then - BF 's birthday . We went to a hockey game with a bunch of his friends , and then I invited everyone over to my place afterwards for some beers . This was the first time I had ever hosted any BF 's friends . ( BG : The day this happened , I had received Uggs & a pair of cords in the mail that I had ordered online . I had opened them right after I got off work , and then set them on my coffee table as I had to scramble to get ready in time to meet the BF for dinner & drinks before the game ) When we got to my place after the game , I lit pretty much every candle I owned , as it was about a dozen people , 3 / 4 of them smokers ( as am I ) . I wanted to mask the smoke somehow b / c my apt isn 't exactly gigantic , I 'd never had that many people smoking at once inside of it , and even if I had wanted to open a window , they were frozen shut . The BF sees the pkg on the coffee table , & asks what I ordered , I show him the pants & the boots and set them back on the coffee table . After a couple of beers , BF & his friend decide to throw the balled - up tissue that was in the boots at each other . One tissue ball lands on my dinette , and BF 's friend who is sitting there , picks it up & holds it to the candle , & lights it . She holds a burning tissue ball in her hand for a second , that goes , " Oh ! " & throws it in the sink , but not before a couple of burning embers float down to the off - white carpet , luckily , no noticable damage . Everyone sits in stunned silence for a few minutes . Then Pyro 's BF immediately jumps up & says , " Well , we should get going . " Pyro just walks down the hall to my front door and gets her coat from the front closet , and waits at the door while her BF said good - bye to everyone . Wow , just wow . My story isn 't as " good " as snowball 's , but it 's still kinda good . When my mom and I moved into my stepdad 's house , my stepsister " Geni " still came over . Along with her friends . One of her friends was named " Vanessa " and she was the rudest person I knew . It was the summer inbetween 4th and 5th grade for me , and at the time , I had these barbie books that I loved . Vanessa would come into my room and read the books to me as if I was a baby . ( it was her tone of voice , and the fact that in kindergarten I was reading at a 4th and 5th grade level that made it really bad . . . ) In general , Vanessa treated me as if I was a baby / toddler who needed to be treated as such . The reason she was un - invited from the house was , in addtion to being rude , she was also really disrespectful to my stepdad . One morning , he went into the living room that had WHITE couches and saw Vanessa eating a RED popsicle without anything to catch the juice . Normally , he told Geni 's friends to go get a papertowel and to not eat on the white couch and they did with no problem . Vanessa was " special " though . Not only did she say that she didn 't want to , she said it in a way that made my stepdad ban her from the house . ( and my stepdad very rarely bans people from the house . ) Logged I have one of those friends who does not know when it 's time to leave . She kept me up to 4 : 30 a . m . one night chatting away and playing my video games . I started doing the PA thing , " Oh , it 's getting late , " which had no effect on her to " I can make up a bed for you on the couch " which eventually became " OK , I 'm going to bed . " She only went to bed ( on my couch ) when she was good and ready . I now either meet her at her place or out in public , but I can 't remember when was the last I time I invited her over . I had just moved into my very first apartment and I really liked it . No one had ever lived in it and I spent a lot of time decorating it and everything . I was quite pleased . Then , I invited this guy I was friends with at the time over and he brought a couple of friends who were visiting him . These guys were the type who thought they were so cool that everyone should just be overjoyed to be in their presence . They came in my apartment and wandered around eating my food and telling stupid stories . Then , one of them walked over to my bookshelf , grabbed my leather Bible that my Mom had got me ( which was pretty expensive , not to mention , it was a * Bible * ) . He took it , held it up in the air , and said " This is what we think of Bibles ! " and ripped it up right in front of me ! My mouth dropped open and I was speechless ! The guy that I had invited over , then said , " Uh , we better get going , " and I said " Yeah , I think so . " Man , that still makes me angry to think about it . Well , no one has ever tried to set my house on fire , but here goes my story . I have an Aunt that lives along the Gulf Coast . She 's not a very nice person and I 've never really liked her . She is especially mean to my Mother , her younger sister . My Mom does not know how to tell anyone no and when Hurricaine Rita was heading towards Aunt 's house my Mom graciously invited her to evacuate to my house . Note that I did not extend the invitation . So I was already very unhappy when I got the call at work that Aunt and her three horribly behaved dogs were coming to my house . So Aunt comes and sets up camp in my guest bedroom . Her dogs chase my cats and annoy my dogs . Aunt has a habit of coating herself with baby powder every morning and by day 2 there is a thin coat of baby powder all over my house that she does not even offer to clean up . But the worst thing was her dogs potty habits . She lived in an apartment with a back patio , but no grass . So her dogs just pooped on her back patio . When they came to my house the dogs refused to use any of the grass in my 1 / 2 acre back yard and insisted on pooping on my back patio . I was not amused . Aunt kept saying she would clean it up , but never did . Rita completely misses her town , so after a week she goes home . By this point I 've taken to hiding in my bedroom with a bottle of wine and trying to ignore the thick layer of baby powder and the massive quantity of dog poop on my back patio . Aunt comes and knocks on my bedroom door at 5 : 00 am and tells me she is leaving . I was not amused at the hour but was so relieved that she was leaving that I gladly helped her load her car and those drat dogs . After she pulled out of the driveway I went to the backyard and spotted that she hadn 't cleaned up the dog poop . Grrrrrrr . Sadly , before Ike and Gustav came along I found someone who desparately needed a bedroom suite and turned my guest bedroom into my knitting room . Aunt stayed with my Mom and boarded the dogs . Logged Back when I was involved with a church I invited the youth minister 's family over ( they were new ) . They had 3 kids , a girl and 2 boys . I didn 't know them well , but they seemed to be okay . They walk in and the first thing the 3 kids do is to jump on our sofa ! Mom and dad do / say nothing . They they proceed to the bedrooms to jump on the beds . Parents at this point say , in a joking way , something like " maybe you shouldn 't be jumping on the furniture , ha , ha . " I learned that this is the way they disciplined . Very ineffectual , and their kids ' behavior was consistently very bratty ( labels have been frowned on here lately , but this isn 't labeling the kids , it 's labeling the behavior ) . The worst example of this was when we were all at a farm at a church event . The DD decided she wanted to go into the pasture where the bulls were ! She was playing in the field , while mumsy and daddy were calling her feebly , " Honey , can you come out of the field now ? There 's a bull there . " Evil me was imagining just a little tap from an irate cow or bull , just enough to put some natural fear into the girl . Needless to say , after that first visit they were never invited again . This story isn 't too shocking , considering it came from a child , but she was old enough to know better . In our old neighborhood was one of those kids whose parents just turned her out into the street all day because they didn 't want to deal with her . I felt sorry for her , so I would talk to her and one day I invited her in . She was probably 11 years old at that time . She instantly went into my kitchen and opened all of my cabinets one by one . I just stood there in shock . Finally I asked her what she was looking for , and asked her to please stop . A few days later , she came over and understandably , I didn 't invite her in , so we were talking through the screen door . She was wearing a grass skirt over her clothes and began wadding it up and pushing it through a hole in my screen , making it larger . I said , " Please don 't do that , you 're making the hole in the screen bigger . " Her response was to give me a " diva " head shake and push her face closer to mine , as if to challenge me and say , " Don 't tell me what to do . " I said , " Excuse me ? ? This is MY house , and you will NOT damage my screen . " She left and never came back . I felt bad about it , because I know she was a messed up kid , but I didn 't feel I did anything wrong . When I was in my teens , my brother had a friend over . We lived on about 9 acres , and had two horses , a barn , and a chicken coop from when the previous owner had chickens . It was a hot day , so we were putting the horses out at night and bringing them in to the barn during the day to protect them from the sun . My brother first took his friend down to the barn to show him the horses . I went down to the barn soon afterwards to make sure they weren 't giving the horses too many treats . I was on my way to the barn when I heard the crack of a whip . I came running , and here the guy was swinging the lunge whip at the two terrified horses in their stalls . I read the guy the riot act , told him he needed to get out of the barn IMMEDIATELY and stay away from the horses from now on , and stayed close to the barn for the rest of his visit . A little while later , brother and his friend decide to do archery . They set up targets on some hay bales in the middle of the field , pretty well away from everything . Friend decides to aim at the glass window of the old chicken coop instead , takes it out and gets broken glass all over the place . Strangely this friend never got invited back again . . . My mother , myself , and my brother usually go to Thanksgiving dinner at my aunt 's house . This has been the tradition going back twenty - odd years . My aunt is a great cook and usually makes turkey breast or ham with all the trimmings , including her delicious homemade dressing . She works very hard and we always thank her for the wonderful meal . Last Thanksgiving , I met my mother and drove to my aunt 's house . My brother was supposed to pick up his girlfriend ( who was also invited ) but he 's always late and this was no exception . Dinner was scheduled to start at a certain time , which he knew about . This may have been rude , but since he 's always late and the food was getting cold , and all of the other guests were assembled , we ate at the scheduled time . He and his girlfriend , let 's call her Kelly , showed up about 20 minutes after we had started to eat . They were both dressed extremely casually . ( My family doesn 't dress extremely formally for these things , but I typically wear a nice sweater and a nicer pair of jeans or slacks and dressy shoes . ) Kelly complained that they were seated at the kitchen table . ( This was because there was not enough space in the dining room , and I 'll add my mother and my aunt , the hostess , also ate in the kitchen . ) After the meal Kelly became upset at something my brother said ( which was probably reasonable , my brother is not a nice person ) and proceeded to lock herself in my cousin 's basement room . She would not come out for at least a half hour . They both ate messily and finished all of my aunt 's homemade dressing , of which there are usually plenty of leftovers . Their behavior was just generally rude and not appreciative of the wonderful meal they 'd been invited to . They were not invited to Christmas dinner . ( also a long - standing tradition ) When my brother found out about this ( I tried to keep it to myself but he asked me directly on Christmas Eve if I would be going the next day ) he acted extremely put out that he and his girlfriend were not going to be asked back . He seemed to think it was coLogged Shortly after ds was born , a friend of mine came to visit with her 3 sons . Yikes ! They were 4 , 3 and under 1 . The boys jumped on my couch , ripped the newspaper that had come that day , cleared off the bottom of the bookshelf , and poked my couch with diaper pins . They only stayed an hour and I was so glad to see them go . Mom did not stop them and I didn 't feel comfortable saying anything . If I recall correctly , she did say that I needed to baby proof the house . Uh , not if my son was a month old ! Logged I had a suitcase full of good quality clothes that didn 't fit me . I asked my friends if they could use them , planning to donate to Goodwill if they couldn 't . None of my friends could use them but one said that a friend of hers " Molly " was having a tough time financially and asked if I 'd be willing to give them to her . I said that would be fine . We arranged for Molly to come and see the clothes and take anything she wanted . She arrived at my house late and when she rang the doorbell she was talking on her cell . She didn 't make eye contact and I awkwardly let her into the house and waited for her to stop talking . She talked for another ten minutes about a problem she was having and finally hung up . She accepted the soft drink I offered her but didn 't greet me , just went on talking about the problem she 'd told her friend on the cell about . She came to see the clothes and said she would try them on . She took them all into the bathroom with her and tried them on for about an hour . Finally she came downstairs and said " I 'll take them " . She was disappointed I wouldn 't give her the suitcase I had been keeping them in and she asked if I had anything else to give away . She then complained some more about her personal problems . Finally she left with all the clothes . At no point did she ever said thank you for anything . Not even once . My SIL and BIL came to visit one month after I had my dd . His dad lived in the same state we do and he needed help moving from his home into assisted living quarters . SIL very nicely asked if they could please stay on our pull - out couch since the plane tickets were about all they could afford . For 2 nights , not a big deal I thought . BIL smokes . No smoking is allowed in my house especially with a new baby in the home . He smoked on the front porch and it still came thru the windows . DH asked him to please take a walk when he smoked ( like FIL does when he visits ) and BIL got bent out of shape . SIL asked us to please make an acception for her DH . No . The next morning they were helping his dad move all day but due back around 5 : 00 . DH went after work and got a bunch of lunch meat and 3 types of salad so I wouldn 't have to cook . I told him to get a lot so the next day we could have the left overs for lunch . SIL and BIL come in , with his dad who we did not know was coming , and his first comment is " That is A LOT of food . " I smile and said " We thought you might be hungry . If not , there will be left overs for tomorrow . " Him : " We are going to be eating the same thing tomorrow ? ! " Me : ( losing it ) " If you chose to eat here , then yes . " They have never been invited back . I was not the hostess in this case . Several years ago , my grandmother deteriorated quickly and had brain surgery , and all of the relatives were informed that this could be the end , and to come into town . ( Luckily , it was not , and she 's still alive and well ) . I was getting laundry ready when I got the call from my cousin , and I told him that I could come right away , but I had no clean clothes , so could I do laundry at his place ? He said fine . So a 5 hour drive with my mom , a visit to the hospital , a very late fast - food dinner , and then laundry at my cousins ' house at midnight . My cousins are twins and at the time owned a house together . It was kind of party central , and there were always people coming and going . So they had guests , and I was already tired and grouchy , and their guest was annoying me , so I apologized and said I was a little out of sorts because my grandmother was very sick in the hospital after having endured major surgery as an octogenarian . His response : " Oh , I know just how you feel . The other day I spilled ketchup on my white shirt . It was the worst day of my life . " Later on , he said to one of my cousins , " I don 't think your cousin likes me . " Gee . . . ya think ? Paul , a college roommate 's friend , thought that it was " funny " that I took good care of my dog , and thought my devotion to her was excessive . Yes , I loved her , still do , and took good care of her and enjoyed being with her , but I didn 't do anything crazy . But Paul thought it would be funny to play a joke on me . See , I took exception to the fact that he took her face into his hands and blew smoke up her nose . I told him that he had to leave immediately , and that that was a cruel , dangerous , and disgusting thing to do to an animal . I came in from work one evening , put my things down and greeted my pup , and was about to take her for a walk when the phone rang . A man began screaming at me about his injured son , saying that my dog had gotten loose , had bitten his child badly on the face , and that , even now , he was in surgery and that the man was calling the police and animal control on me , that he wouldn 't stop until he made sure that my dog was put down . I went into complete panic mode , and was trying to seek information , as well as pointing out that my dog wasn 't loose , that she 'd been inside since I had left for work . He began screaming some more , cursing me out , and threatening to come and take care of my dog himself . He then hung up on me , and I tried to get myself together a bit , since I was hysterically sobbing , and I was about to call the police . The roommate had been over at Paul 's house , but had been outside while the call was being made . He 'd walked into the room at the tail - end of it , when Paul had hung up , and Paul smugly informed him of what he 'd done . Roommate called me immediately to let me know that it was Paul , and that he was coming home right away to make sure I was o . k . When he got home , I said , " Paul was pretty much banned anyway , but I don 't even want to see him at any parties or group events , ever . " Still makes me mad , thinking about it . This wasn 't at my own house , but a very dear friend that I used to hang out with all the time . My friend decided to throw a small party in celebration of his graduation from college so about ten people were in the house total . One of the guys that came brought two of his buddies who decided to drink ALL the alcohol in the house and start " play fighting . " Only this was a full - on fight that included the blood and breaking of a dining room table along with the general mess of a fight that includes furniture being thrown around . My friend eventually asked the two drunk guys to leave and they did , but it wasn 't until later that we noticed that they ended up stealing prescription medicine from my purse and threw up in the downstairs foyer leading to the front yard ! |
The next night , I was to sleep at Agnes ' mother 's place again , but this would be the last time she could look after me . She could barely afford food for herself . I appreciated that she let me stay for two nights though , as it was a lot better than no nights . So the next day , the bad went to worse . I had tried to sleep under the staircase at Agnes ' apartment block , and I was there for about an hour before being found by police . Two officers were standing right above me as I woke up , and I felt uneasy . They were probably going to take me away with no chance of prevail . I stood up , and they asked me what language I speak . First they guessed Latvian , then Russian , and then French . I told them English . They asked what I was doing sleeping here , and I told them that I had trouble finding a hotel . They then took me outside and asked me to get in the back of their car . By this point , I was panicking and tried to say that I didn 't do anything wrong , but they raised their voice and demanded that I get in . At this time , I felt properly scared . I thought I was going to be deported from the country . The first thing that was on my mind was being separated from the one I love . Going to jail didn 't even cross my mind . I was actually praying , hoping that I would get out of this situation . I texted Agnes , telling her I 've been taken by the police . They took me to the police station , and sat me down and interviewed me . First of all I was asked to show my passport . Luckily I had it with me in my bag , and hadn 't left it with Agnes . So they asked me why I was sleeping there under the staircase . This time , I told them that I was having trouble with my girlfriend 's dad , who had kicked me out of their apartment , drinking , and abusing us . It didn 't go too much further than this . I was held for about half an hour , then they asked me if I had money for a hotel . I said yes , when in reality I had none . So they took me to Liva Hotel , just in the city centre . I asked if I 'd be allowed to go back to Agnes ' suburb again , and they encouraged me to do Posted by So I managed about 40 minutes of sleep time in the mall toilets , until a security guard found me , and took me outside . I wasn 't scared of getting into trouble ; I was too focused on Agnes . He just checked my bag to see if I had anything harmful , sent me outside , and that was the end of it . That plan was foiled . I walked around and sat myself in a bar . I decided to have a coffee . Eventually though , I was asked to leave . So I just went to the next bar , called Fenikss . Here , I greeted some locals , who didn 't know English . We became acquainted nonetheless , and I had a chance to practice my Latvian . There was one guy , and two women . The guys name was Valera , who was Russian . After all of my studying of the language in Greece , it seemed to pay off well . I was able to understand and get into a conversation , though , it was very difficult . But I was so happy , and it definitely made my bad day a lot better . So , all in Latvian , I told them where I 'm from , what I 'm doing here , and also about what had just happened to me . I explained that my girlfriend 's dad had kicked me out of their home . We got pretty far with this conversation . It wasn 't really just a basic one . I was proud . It felt great to be able to understand and speak another language , even if I wasn 't very good at it at all . There were some words I had to look up in my Latvian learning book as well , such as ' girlfriend ' . I didn 't know that word . But I told them that 's why I was here , and about everything that had happened . It was about 3am , and they asked me for Agnes ' phone number . I didn 't exactly want them to ring her , so as not to wake her up , but they rang her anyway and told her about me . They found out a bit more . They arranged for me to get back to her suburb , and told me to take either the bus or mini - bus . I said goodbye to these people , and left them some of my Australian pens as gifts , so they would remember me . So at about 5am , I headed out and took the bus , without a ticket . My money was scarce . I tried to find somewhere to relax for a bit , and maybe catch aPosted by So the following morning , I was definitely getting booted out of here . Agnes ' dad made me some breakfast first , before I said goodbye to Agnes for the time being , and was taken outside and driven into the city . He left me here in a parking lot near the mall , and I was on my own . I got out of the car , pretty angrily . I said nothing to him whatsoever . Outside , it was pretty cold . I went inside the mall when it opened , to keep warm . To keep myself fed , I bought hot dogs with the little amount of money that I had in my wallet . I could basically afford bread and water for a week , and not much else . I had to come up with something . I bought myself a water bottle that I would refill somewhere for free . That would save those costs , and I could add a bit of meat and perhaps even fruit to my diet . I just need my credit card to arrive , and things will be easier . It was rather stupid of me to leave Greece without my credit card , but being blinded by love , I was easily influenced into taking such a risk . I did not know who to go to for help , and nor did I want to . I just wanted to wait for my credit card and hope that it would arrive here . Agnes told me that her dad would pick me up and let me stay overnight again if I didn 't have a hotel , but I didn 't see that happening . Right now , I 'm just glad that it hasn 't affected my relationship with her . She told me how much she loved me and how angry she was with her dad , but not even being 18 yet , she was pretty powerless . We spent a while texting eachother , and I couldn 't stop shedding tears . This was horrible . I 'm going to have to experience homeless life , yet again . This time , on a much larger scale . It was freezing here at nights . At least this early in the summer . The first place I decided to try was the toilets in the mall after closing time . We will see how that goes . The next day , bad went to worse . It was midnight , and me and Agnes had been hugging in the bedroom , while on the sofa . Her dad walked in , and he was furious with what he saw . It brought a horrible feeling upon me instantly , and I was scared . He asked me to leave . I was devastated . So this is what it 's come down to . He grabbed my bag , and took it out to the front door , and seeing it sitting there , I knew what was happening . There was another problem too , and that was that I didn 't have my credit card . All I had was a bit of cash on me . I could not afford a room to sleep in , and he knew that . Agnes managed to convince him to keep me there for the night , as it was midnight , and tomorrow morning I 'd have to leave . I spent a few moments with Agnes in her room to talk and it was a crying matter . We were done . She gave me a small teddy bear for me to keep for her . I was saying that this isn 't going to be the last time I 'm seeing her . I made that very well clear . But she insisted that I take the teddy . I took it and put it in my bag . It was actually a gift to Agnes from her dad . I would let it go too , if he did something like that to me . It was very difficult for me to sleep that night , and I was hoping that he 'd change his mind and let me stay , at least until my credit card arrives at the post office . Today started well . Me , Agnes and her dad headed into Liepaja city and decided to take a visit to the Holy Trinity Church . From up the top here , you can get a good vantage point of the city . That was the main touristic use of the building . We climbed up the spire , to the top . It was interesting on the way up . The building was very old . Up here , we stood and looked over the view of Liepaja , while I took some photos . Agnes ' dad took a photo of us two together as well . It was a nice place to appreciate for a while . After our church tower visit , me and Agnes headed to the beach . We met her friend , Eva there . We hung out for a while . I was just my usual self , not talking too much , letting them run the conversation . We had a good time regardless . It was time to go back home after this . Agnes ' dad had made us dinner . I thanked him and enjoyed the meal . It was spaghetti , probably carbonara or something like that . Then after dinner , I walked back into Agnes ' room . This is where things started going bad . Agnes ' dad was expecting me to say ' thank you ' after my meal . There was no way I could know what he was expecting . He was quite angry at me , as he said he put in a lot of effort making that meal for me . It has now caused a bit of tension between me and Agnes , and I was upset . I already said thanks at the beginning of the meal , I had no idea I was supposed to say it twice . So Agnes asked me to say ' thanks ' to him , as it 's what I apparently owe him . So I did , and that was the end of that issue , for now . Agnes went on about how she didn 't want to be in between herself and her dad all the time . We definitely don 't want any parental issues . Parental non - approval does not sit well with me , and I don 't even want to think about it . Agnes and I went outside for the night tonight , just sitting together on the park bench , hugging . It was a very sweet and memorable moment of my life , and we both said that we were really happy . I 'm happy to be back together again . The next day , we stayed mostly at home , while her dad went to work . We spent some time on the computer , then went into the city later . There was not much else that we did . Today is the day I 'm going to be meeting Agnes again . This time , in company of her dad , of whom only speaks Latvian . This would be a good opportunity to practise the language . I took the bus at 1pm , and arrived at 5pm . I was getting nervous and excited all over again . I expected to see her on arrival at the bus station , waiting for me , but she was running late , and we arranged a new meeting point , which was Rozu square , in the city centre . I walked my way over there , and we both arrived at the square at pretty much the same time . I saw her over on the other side , and went over to greet her . I was very happy to see her again . Her dad will be coming to pick us up later on , so I haven 't seen him yet . Firstly , Agnes went to see her mother , who lived within walking distance . I waited outside . When she returned , we went back over to Rozu square , and sat and talked until her dad would come to pick us up . We exchanged a handshake , and I greeted him in Latvian . I said " Nice to meet you " . We got into his car , and he drove us home . He commented that this was the first time he has heard his daughter speaking English . He asked me some questions , with help of translation from Agnes , and we sat at home and had dinner . Then we went to bed . Separate rooms for us , this time . Today , there wasn 't that much more I could do in Riga . At 5am , I headed out into the city , and looked up bus timetables to the town of Kolka , on the northern tip of the Latvian cape . I asked for information at the bus terminal , and got some bus schedules . By the time the earliest bus would get there , the latest bus would leave in 20 minutes , so unfortunately I would only be able to spend 50 minutes up at the cape . So I took the day trip and intended to get what I could out of it . I had some breakfast at Cili Pica near the bus station in Riga , having an omelets and mushroom dish , then departed for Kolka at 1 : 15pm . It was a scenic drive a long the way . I didn 't see much coastline , as there were lots of trees between the road and the beach , but it was still good scenery nonetheless . I loved it ! When I arrived in Kolka , I got out of the bus , and made my way to Cape Kolka , which was a long walk . I hoped that I would be back in time for the last returning bus to Riga . I had 50 minutes . It took 20 minutes to get to the cape , meaning I can spend 10 minutes here , then I have to head back . I made the most out of it . I took plenty of photos along the walk . Then reached the cape itself , from where I could see the Gulf of Riga and Baltic Sea hitting eachother . After my short visit here , I had to run back to the bus . I was in time , and it was only a short wait for the bus to depart . So it 's back to Riga , and I had a small nap on board during the three - hour drive . Once back in Riga , I decided to have some McDonald 's . The last time I had some , was when I was in Australia , I believe . It wasn 't bad . Just like at home . Then I went to find myself a hotel . I wanted a better sleep this time , rather than having a five - hour sleep at the airport . I found one , and it was Ls31 , which was quite a bit of money . I probably shouldn 't have , but I needed a bit of relaxation . I showered , then spoke to Agnes on the phone . Over the last two days , she 's been hinting that she wants to be with me again . So I asked straight up , if we were going to be back togetPosted by Today I was going to have a head start to a day of sightseeing in Riga . I headed out at about 6am , so I could probably see everything there is to see in one day . I didn 't get too much sleep in the airport , though . My first priority was to get myself a local SIM card with Tele2 . I walked around town , looking for a shop which sells SIM cards . I needed a Latvian phone number , as I was actually going to be spending a fair bit of time here . I stopped by an internet café , and hopped online for a bit . I then asked the owner where I could find a SIM card , and I was directed to a Narvesen shop . So , I went to the nearest Narvesen shop , and went in . They told me that they were closed and couldn 't help me . I then waited nearby for it to open . When I saw other people enter the shop , I thought to myself that it must be open now . So I went in , and I was asked to leave . Again . Ok , then . I 'll have to go somewhere else . I found another Narvesen store eventually , and was successful in purchasing a new SIM card , which I then activated by giving my dad a call , and giving him my new number . I told him of my current whereabouts and plans and we had a chance to catch up with everything . I was telling the complete truth this time . My parents knew that I planned to go again . So then , my sightseeing begun . I explored the streets of Old Riga , and encountered other Greek tourists in Doma Square , which made me happy . The streets themselves were fascinating . I also went to the top of St . Peter 's Church , to observe the city . This was the main lookout point . It was rather cold as well , so I didn 't stay at the top for long . I went on to explore New Riga and see the Freedom Monument . I also took a trolleybus ride and checked out different parts of the city . It really is a beautiful city , and much cleaner than Athens . I wanted to go to the Open Air Museum , but I couldn 't find it . I got on the wrong bus . But I decided to check out the Occupation Museum , which was free of charge and worth looking at . Later on , I took a river cruise on the Daugava river , whicPosted by After all my preparing , it 's time for me to go to Latvia . Unfortunately , my bank card still hasn 't arrived in the mail , even with the date of the plane ticket changed . So I 'm going to have to go off without it . Despo was kind enough to give me some cash to support myself , as well as Con , who gave me money that he owed me from working for him . Despo is going to send the bank card to me in Latvia when it arrives in Greece . So I headed over to the airport by metro . It was only a half - hour ride , and it was an interesting one . I was excited ; I was going again ! At the airport , I checked in , boarded my airBaltic plane to Riga , and enjoyed hearing the Latvian language once again , especially after having studied it a little more over the last two months . It was 8pm , and time for take - off . I purchased one meal on board . I love airline food ! Probably because I love plane travel . After circling the city of Riga , taking the spiral approach , we touched down at 11 : 30pm , and I was back . Back again , and happy to be . I was going to spend the night here at the airport , and go out the next morning . I 'll be seeing Agnes on Friday . I 've got two days of sightseeing to do . I have over Ls100 to support myself . Hopefully my bank card will arrive at my aunt 's place in Greece shortly . Today was , believe it or not , my first experience of beach life in Greece . I woke up at 7 : 30am and uncle Con drove us over to a village called Avlida , on the northern coast of Attica , overlooking the island of Evia . This was where my cousin Aleko 's wife , Katerini 's parents lived . We stayed here for a while , and I sat on the couch outside , watching the kids play around . Shortly afterwards , I headed to the nearby beach with Aleko and Konstantino . I got into the water , and it was nice and warm , much better than what we have at my town in Australia . It was also a rocky beach , as opposed to sand . I had a great swim around while here , and had pictures taken . Well , the good news , is that Agnes made up her mind , and said I could come to Latvia and see her after all . The bad news , is that my uncle , Parry , decided to boot me out of his house at 1 : 30 in the morning . It began when Parry turned off the TV while I was enjoying a movie . I wasn 't that angry at the fact that he turned it off on me , but more angry because of his reasons for turning it off , which didn 't seem justified at all . A few weeks prior to this , he had offered to take me on a trip with him to Mytilini , on the island of Lesvos . I was a little excited about going , but he turned down the offer just before we were set to go , and he decided to go by himself . He said that he refused to take me because of my schemes with Latvia . Like it was really necessary to offer me the trip in the first place then . Anyway , after switching off the TV , I had gotten angry at Parry , and rightfully so . Because I refused to give up my plans to visit Latvia again , he thought he had an obligated right to turn off the TV as a " punishment " to me . Well , I 'll be happy not to stay here anymore . I 'm leaving . I 'm going over to Despo 's . I 'm simply not going to tolerate someone who thinks that they can be in control of my life . So , I said this , and then Parry told me to leave . I packed all my things , and headed out . Parry left me a childish remark , saying " Go back to Australia , and take Agnes with you ! " . That 's the last time I ever plan to see Parry . I do whatever I want with my life , thank you . So , it was 1 : 30am , and I headed over to the internet café . I asked the staff to put my bag somewhere safe , and I would wait here until 5am , when the buses start running . Then , I would make my way over to Despo 's , and tell her everything that Parry done . I was fed up with him . He criticised me a lot over the time that I 've been here , making me feel small , and I couldn 't cope with it . He made me more depressed than anyone else did , including Agnes . Me and him will never be the same . In the past , I 've had a difficult social life , but I can honestly say things are much easier for me now . I 've lived my life going through Asperger 's Syndrome and that has caused me a lot of my social difficulties . But I am a firm believer in living life to the fullest , and I believe you can achieve anything you set your mind to . |
The next night , I was to sleep at Agnes ' mother 's place again , but this would be the last time she could look after me . She could barely afford food for herself . I appreciated that she let me stay for two nights though , as it was a lot better than no nights . So the next day , the bad went to worse . I had tried to sleep under the staircase at Agnes ' apartment block , and I was there for about an hour before being found by police . Two officers were standing right above me as I woke up , and I felt uneasy . They were probably going to take me away with no chance of prevail . I stood up , and they asked me what language I speak . First they guessed Latvian , then Russian , and then French . I told them English . They asked what I was doing sleeping here , and I told them that I had trouble finding a hotel . They then took me outside and asked me to get in the back of their car . By this point , I was panicking and tried to say that I didn 't do anything wrong , but they raised their voice and demanded that I get in . At this time , I felt properly scared . I thought I was going to be deported from the country . The first thing that was on my mind was being separated from the one I love . Going to jail didn 't even cross my mind . I was actually praying , hoping that I would get out of this situation . I texted Agnes , telling her I 've been taken by the police . They took me to the police station , and sat me down and interviewed me . First of all I was asked to show my passport . Luckily I had it with me in my bag , and hadn 't left it with Agnes . So they asked me why I was sleeping there under the staircase . This time , I told them that I was having trouble with my girlfriend 's dad , who had kicked me out of their apartment , drinking , and abusing us . It didn 't go too much further than this . I was held for about half an hour , then they asked me if I had money for a hotel . I said yes , when in reality I had none . So they took me to Liva Hotel , just in the city centre . I asked if I 'd be allowed to go back to Agnes ' suburb again , and they encouraged me to do Posted by So I managed about 40 minutes of sleep time in the mall toilets , until a security guard found me , and took me outside . I wasn 't scared of getting into trouble ; I was too focused on Agnes . He just checked my bag to see if I had anything harmful , sent me outside , and that was the end of it . That plan was foiled . I walked around and sat myself in a bar . I decided to have a coffee . Eventually though , I was asked to leave . So I just went to the next bar , called Fenikss . Here , I greeted some locals , who didn 't know English . We became acquainted nonetheless , and I had a chance to practice my Latvian . There was one guy , and two women . The guys name was Valera , who was Russian . After all of my studying of the language in Greece , it seemed to pay off well . I was able to understand and get into a conversation , though , it was very difficult . But I was so happy , and it definitely made my bad day a lot better . So , all in Latvian , I told them where I 'm from , what I 'm doing here , and also about what had just happened to me . I explained that my girlfriend 's dad had kicked me out of their home . We got pretty far with this conversation . It wasn 't really just a basic one . I was proud . It felt great to be able to understand and speak another language , even if I wasn 't very good at it at all . There were some words I had to look up in my Latvian learning book as well , such as ' girlfriend ' . I didn 't know that word . But I told them that 's why I was here , and about everything that had happened . It was about 3am , and they asked me for Agnes ' phone number . I didn 't exactly want them to ring her , so as not to wake her up , but they rang her anyway and told her about me . They found out a bit more . They arranged for me to get back to her suburb , and told me to take either the bus or mini - bus . I said goodbye to these people , and left them some of my Australian pens as gifts , so they would remember me . So at about 5am , I headed out and took the bus , without a ticket . My money was scarce . I tried to find somewhere to relax for a bit , and maybe catch aPosted by So the following morning , I was definitely getting booted out of here . Agnes ' dad made me some breakfast first , before I said goodbye to Agnes for the time being , and was taken outside and driven into the city . He left me here in a parking lot near the mall , and I was on my own . I got out of the car , pretty angrily . I said nothing to him whatsoever . Outside , it was pretty cold . I went inside the mall when it opened , to keep warm . To keep myself fed , I bought hot dogs with the little amount of money that I had in my wallet . I could basically afford bread and water for a week , and not much else . I had to come up with something . I bought myself a water bottle that I would refill somewhere for free . That would save those costs , and I could add a bit of meat and perhaps even fruit to my diet . I just need my credit card to arrive , and things will be easier . It was rather stupid of me to leave Greece without my credit card , but being blinded by love , I was easily influenced into taking such a risk . I did not know who to go to for help , and nor did I want to . I just wanted to wait for my credit card and hope that it would arrive here . Agnes told me that her dad would pick me up and let me stay overnight again if I didn 't have a hotel , but I didn 't see that happening . Right now , I 'm just glad that it hasn 't affected my relationship with her . She told me how much she loved me and how angry she was with her dad , but not even being 18 yet , she was pretty powerless . We spent a while texting eachother , and I couldn 't stop shedding tears . This was horrible . I 'm going to have to experience homeless life , yet again . This time , on a much larger scale . It was freezing here at nights . At least this early in the summer . The first place I decided to try was the toilets in the mall after closing time . We will see how that goes . The next day , bad went to worse . It was midnight , and me and Agnes had been hugging in the bedroom , while on the sofa . Her dad walked in , and he was furious with what he saw . It brought a horrible feeling upon me instantly , and I was scared . He asked me to leave . I was devastated . So this is what it 's come down to . He grabbed my bag , and took it out to the front door , and seeing it sitting there , I knew what was happening . There was another problem too , and that was that I didn 't have my credit card . All I had was a bit of cash on me . I could not afford a room to sleep in , and he knew that . Agnes managed to convince him to keep me there for the night , as it was midnight , and tomorrow morning I 'd have to leave . I spent a few moments with Agnes in her room to talk and it was a crying matter . We were done . She gave me a small teddy bear for me to keep for her . I was saying that this isn 't going to be the last time I 'm seeing her . I made that very well clear . But she insisted that I take the teddy . I took it and put it in my bag . It was actually a gift to Agnes from her dad . I would let it go too , if he did something like that to me . It was very difficult for me to sleep that night , and I was hoping that he 'd change his mind and let me stay , at least until my credit card arrives at the post office . Today started well . Me , Agnes and her dad headed into Liepaja city and decided to take a visit to the Holy Trinity Church . From up the top here , you can get a good vantage point of the city . That was the main touristic use of the building . We climbed up the spire , to the top . It was interesting on the way up . The building was very old . Up here , we stood and looked over the view of Liepaja , while I took some photos . Agnes ' dad took a photo of us two together as well . It was a nice place to appreciate for a while . After our church tower visit , me and Agnes headed to the beach . We met her friend , Eva there . We hung out for a while . I was just my usual self , not talking too much , letting them run the conversation . We had a good time regardless . It was time to go back home after this . Agnes ' dad had made us dinner . I thanked him and enjoyed the meal . It was spaghetti , probably carbonara or something like that . Then after dinner , I walked back into Agnes ' room . This is where things started going bad . Agnes ' dad was expecting me to say ' thank you ' after my meal . There was no way I could know what he was expecting . He was quite angry at me , as he said he put in a lot of effort making that meal for me . It has now caused a bit of tension between me and Agnes , and I was upset . I already said thanks at the beginning of the meal , I had no idea I was supposed to say it twice . So Agnes asked me to say ' thanks ' to him , as it 's what I apparently owe him . So I did , and that was the end of that issue , for now . Agnes went on about how she didn 't want to be in between herself and her dad all the time . We definitely don 't want any parental issues . Parental non - approval does not sit well with me , and I don 't even want to think about it . Agnes and I went outside for the night tonight , just sitting together on the park bench , hugging . It was a very sweet and memorable moment of my life , and we both said that we were really happy . I 'm happy to be back together again . The next day , we stayed mostly at home , while her dad went to work . We spent some time on the computer , then went into the city later . There was not much else that we did . Today is the day I 'm going to be meeting Agnes again . This time , in company of her dad , of whom only speaks Latvian . This would be a good opportunity to practise the language . I took the bus at 1pm , and arrived at 5pm . I was getting nervous and excited all over again . I expected to see her on arrival at the bus station , waiting for me , but she was running late , and we arranged a new meeting point , which was Rozu square , in the city centre . I walked my way over there , and we both arrived at the square at pretty much the same time . I saw her over on the other side , and went over to greet her . I was very happy to see her again . Her dad will be coming to pick us up later on , so I haven 't seen him yet . Firstly , Agnes went to see her mother , who lived within walking distance . I waited outside . When she returned , we went back over to Rozu square , and sat and talked until her dad would come to pick us up . We exchanged a handshake , and I greeted him in Latvian . I said " Nice to meet you " . We got into his car , and he drove us home . He commented that this was the first time he has heard his daughter speaking English . He asked me some questions , with help of translation from Agnes , and we sat at home and had dinner . Then we went to bed . Separate rooms for us , this time . Today , there wasn 't that much more I could do in Riga . At 5am , I headed out into the city , and looked up bus timetables to the town of Kolka , on the northern tip of the Latvian cape . I asked for information at the bus terminal , and got some bus schedules . By the time the earliest bus would get there , the latest bus would leave in 20 minutes , so unfortunately I would only be able to spend 50 minutes up at the cape . So I took the day trip and intended to get what I could out of it . I had some breakfast at Cili Pica near the bus station in Riga , having an omelets and mushroom dish , then departed for Kolka at 1 : 15pm . It was a scenic drive a long the way . I didn 't see much coastline , as there were lots of trees between the road and the beach , but it was still good scenery nonetheless . I loved it ! When I arrived in Kolka , I got out of the bus , and made my way to Cape Kolka , which was a long walk . I hoped that I would be back in time for the last returning bus to Riga . I had 50 minutes . It took 20 minutes to get to the cape , meaning I can spend 10 minutes here , then I have to head back . I made the most out of it . I took plenty of photos along the walk . Then reached the cape itself , from where I could see the Gulf of Riga and Baltic Sea hitting eachother . After my short visit here , I had to run back to the bus . I was in time , and it was only a short wait for the bus to depart . So it 's back to Riga , and I had a small nap on board during the three - hour drive . Once back in Riga , I decided to have some McDonald 's . The last time I had some , was when I was in Australia , I believe . It wasn 't bad . Just like at home . Then I went to find myself a hotel . I wanted a better sleep this time , rather than having a five - hour sleep at the airport . I found one , and it was Ls31 , which was quite a bit of money . I probably shouldn 't have , but I needed a bit of relaxation . I showered , then spoke to Agnes on the phone . Over the last two days , she 's been hinting that she wants to be with me again . So I asked straight up , if we were going to be back togetPosted by Today I was going to have a head start to a day of sightseeing in Riga . I headed out at about 6am , so I could probably see everything there is to see in one day . I didn 't get too much sleep in the airport , though . My first priority was to get myself a local SIM card with Tele2 . I walked around town , looking for a shop which sells SIM cards . I needed a Latvian phone number , as I was actually going to be spending a fair bit of time here . I stopped by an internet café , and hopped online for a bit . I then asked the owner where I could find a SIM card , and I was directed to a Narvesen shop . So , I went to the nearest Narvesen shop , and went in . They told me that they were closed and couldn 't help me . I then waited nearby for it to open . When I saw other people enter the shop , I thought to myself that it must be open now . So I went in , and I was asked to leave . Again . Ok , then . I 'll have to go somewhere else . I found another Narvesen store eventually , and was successful in purchasing a new SIM card , which I then activated by giving my dad a call , and giving him my new number . I told him of my current whereabouts and plans and we had a chance to catch up with everything . I was telling the complete truth this time . My parents knew that I planned to go again . So then , my sightseeing begun . I explored the streets of Old Riga , and encountered other Greek tourists in Doma Square , which made me happy . The streets themselves were fascinating . I also went to the top of St . Peter 's Church , to observe the city . This was the main lookout point . It was rather cold as well , so I didn 't stay at the top for long . I went on to explore New Riga and see the Freedom Monument . I also took a trolleybus ride and checked out different parts of the city . It really is a beautiful city , and much cleaner than Athens . I wanted to go to the Open Air Museum , but I couldn 't find it . I got on the wrong bus . But I decided to check out the Occupation Museum , which was free of charge and worth looking at . Later on , I took a river cruise on the Daugava river , whicPosted by After all my preparing , it 's time for me to go to Latvia . Unfortunately , my bank card still hasn 't arrived in the mail , even with the date of the plane ticket changed . So I 'm going to have to go off without it . Despo was kind enough to give me some cash to support myself , as well as Con , who gave me money that he owed me from working for him . Despo is going to send the bank card to me in Latvia when it arrives in Greece . So I headed over to the airport by metro . It was only a half - hour ride , and it was an interesting one . I was excited ; I was going again ! At the airport , I checked in , boarded my airBaltic plane to Riga , and enjoyed hearing the Latvian language once again , especially after having studied it a little more over the last two months . It was 8pm , and time for take - off . I purchased one meal on board . I love airline food ! Probably because I love plane travel . After circling the city of Riga , taking the spiral approach , we touched down at 11 : 30pm , and I was back . Back again , and happy to be . I was going to spend the night here at the airport , and go out the next morning . I 'll be seeing Agnes on Friday . I 've got two days of sightseeing to do . I have over Ls100 to support myself . Hopefully my bank card will arrive at my aunt 's place in Greece shortly . Today was , believe it or not , my first experience of beach life in Greece . I woke up at 7 : 30am and uncle Con drove us over to a village called Avlida , on the northern coast of Attica , overlooking the island of Evia . This was where my cousin Aleko 's wife , Katerini 's parents lived . We stayed here for a while , and I sat on the couch outside , watching the kids play around . Shortly afterwards , I headed to the nearby beach with Aleko and Konstantino . I got into the water , and it was nice and warm , much better than what we have at my town in Australia . It was also a rocky beach , as opposed to sand . I had a great swim around while here , and had pictures taken . Well , the good news , is that Agnes made up her mind , and said I could come to Latvia and see her after all . The bad news , is that my uncle , Parry , decided to boot me out of his house at 1 : 30 in the morning . It began when Parry turned off the TV while I was enjoying a movie . I wasn 't that angry at the fact that he turned it off on me , but more angry because of his reasons for turning it off , which didn 't seem justified at all . A few weeks prior to this , he had offered to take me on a trip with him to Mytilini , on the island of Lesvos . I was a little excited about going , but he turned down the offer just before we were set to go , and he decided to go by himself . He said that he refused to take me because of my schemes with Latvia . Like it was really necessary to offer me the trip in the first place then . Anyway , after switching off the TV , I had gotten angry at Parry , and rightfully so . Because I refused to give up my plans to visit Latvia again , he thought he had an obligated right to turn off the TV as a " punishment " to me . Well , I 'll be happy not to stay here anymore . I 'm leaving . I 'm going over to Despo 's . I 'm simply not going to tolerate someone who thinks that they can be in control of my life . So , I said this , and then Parry told me to leave . I packed all my things , and headed out . Parry left me a childish remark , saying " Go back to Australia , and take Agnes with you ! " . That 's the last time I ever plan to see Parry . I do whatever I want with my life , thank you . So , it was 1 : 30am , and I headed over to the internet café . I asked the staff to put my bag somewhere safe , and I would wait here until 5am , when the buses start running . Then , I would make my way over to Despo 's , and tell her everything that Parry done . I was fed up with him . He criticised me a lot over the time that I 've been here , making me feel small , and I couldn 't cope with it . He made me more depressed than anyone else did , including Agnes . Me and him will never be the same . In the past , I 've had a difficult social life , but I can honestly say things are much easier for me now . I 've lived my life going through Asperger 's Syndrome and that has caused me a lot of my social difficulties . But I am a firm believer in living life to the fullest , and I believe you can achieve anything you set your mind to . |
I 've been MIA from blogville a bit in the last few weeks . Usual reasons would be because I 've been busy . But it would be untrue for me to claim that . In fact I 've just had my least productive month ever . It 's a long story and I don 't even know if everything really makes sense to me at the moment . Has anyone ever had a " wilderness experience " ? Have you ever felt so disappointed and disillusioned with yourself and with God ? Have you ever gotten tired of the Christian race ? Do you feel sometimes like you are losing your faith and God seems far away ? I have been feeling like that for some time . Towards the end of September , I hit a brick wall in some areas of my life . At first I was angry with God for a really annoying weekend that hubby and I had . Then everything went downhill from there . The anger slowly disappeared but was replaced by a feeling of gloom that nothing could shake . It felt like there was a huge dark cloud hanging over my head . Probably because by that time I was so far away from God that I couldn 't even function properly . So of course what happened next ? I developed a severe case of writer 's block and my brain went into meltdown . I lost the motivation to do most things I usually enjoy , even reading a good book . I felt like I couldn 't do anything useful with myself . I couldn 't pray and I couldn 't write . When I wrote that " Totally Random " post , I was trying to force myself to do something I normally enjoy but it wasn 't the same . So I just scrambled the words together and gave up . I began to operate on auto - pilot because it was like something had sucked out all my joy and enthusiasm for life . The funny thing was that all this was an internal battle and I seemed perfectly fine on the outside . Even when I was in church I would sing , clap , smile and do everything else , but inside I felt like a fraud . About ten days ago , I actually started to get tired and fed up with feeling this way . In church last Sunday , the speaker said that sometimes he too got tired of the Christian race and felt like he had no strength to go on . I totally understood what he meant and I hoped that I would finally regain some hope , faith and strength . During the week I told a good friend of mine how I had been feeling . She really encouraged me with her words : Our Lord is so loving that He won 't let you go . He is faithful and even though it looks like nothing seems to be working out , there is no question He loves us . Keep reminding yourself that . Lord knows we may go through times like this and . . . . . . He never forgets that we are human , we grow tired , weary and frustrated with issues . Gradually I was able to draw some hope and strength from her and finally I was able to get on my knees again and talk to my heavenly Father . I actually read my bible and devotional again after ignoring them for more than a month . One of the readings even said that when God brings you out of a wilderness experience , it 's because He is preparing you for the next level . I really hope so ! I 'm glad to report that I 'm feeling much better now . Actually the fact that I 'm able to type this is a good sign . Last week I couldn 't have strung words together that made sense . I 'm still not sure what God is trying to teach me through this experience though . Sometimes we may get the full picture and sometimes we may never know why God takes us through some situations . I guess it 's a test of faith or endurance and I failed woefully . Hmmm . Waiting is so hard . I 've been waiting for something for so long . I have prayed and fasted , yet it seems God doesn 't hear me . I have waited patiently , and sometimes impatiently . Sometimes I am encouraged , and sometimes I am discouraged . Sometimes it feels like the answer is near . Sometimes it feel like the answer is far away . Sometimes I feel that God wants me to have this thing , sometimes I 'm not so sure . Sometimes it 's easy to smile and keep hope alive . But sometimes it 's hard to stay hopeful . Sometimes I can cheer myself up , and sometimes I feel like crying . I had been feeling discouraged . But then I remembered : God had been good to me thus far . He has been faithful to me . He has never failed me when I needed Him most . And I have no other person to turn to . I shouldn 't let my problem take me away from God . I should draw nearer to God in times of trouble . Only Him can meet my deepest needs . Only Him can hear my most earnest prayer . Only Him can give me complete peace of mind . Last week I attended a book reading in London and it was a book written by Halima Bashir and Damien Lewis titled Tears of the Desert . The organisers had claimed that it was one of the very rare memoirs of a woman born and raised in the conflict - torn area of Darfur in Sudan , so my curiosity was piqued . The reading was quite an eye - opener . Prior to this , I 'm ashamed to say , I knew very little about the conflict in Darfur . I just read little bits of information in the newspaper and on the TV without really registering what 's going on . The book goes into detail about this young woman 's life , how she grew up in a small , peaceful and happy village until the conflict started and tore her community apart . After the reading there was an interview with the writers , and there were questions asked for her to explain things on a clearer level . There was also a discussion on how people in the West can help to alleviate the suffering of countless thousands of people , refugees in their own country . At the end of the event , I bought the book and I have just started reading it and it 's so powerful , yet full of hope . I would urge anyone who cares about the state of the world we live in to buy the book and educate themselves . And safe to say that I prefer knowledge to ignorance of what 's happening in Darfur . Well I hope the good weather lasts , it makes such a difference . I have some fun plans for the weekend - a high school reunion and a friend 's birthday party so I 'm looking forward to them . In the meantime , hope you enjoy the rest of your week . I was bored and listless at work . It was Monday morning , and I was back in the office after a lovely weekend . The office felt quite empty because three of my colleagues had taken the day off . I didn 't blame them one bit . It was a lovely day , the sun was shining brightly outside and the last thing anybody wanted was to be stuck in front of a computer screen on the sixth floor in the City . I tried to concentrate on the row of figures on my spreadsheet , but it was proving too difficult . I shook my head and wished I had requested the day off too . I looked at the time in the corner of my screen and saw it was only 10 . 22 am meaning the day was still far from over . I sighed , looked out of my window and recalled all the fun happenings of the past weekend and that had just passed . My good friend Titi had organised a lovely weekend for five of her closest friends to celebrate her birthday . All of us had been excited when she told us the plan , especially me . I had been having a stressful time at work in the last month . A fun weekend was exactly what I needed to chill out and shake off the stress . As soon as it was five o ' clock last Friday , I had dashed out of the office , gone home to change , picked up my overnight bag and head to Titi 's place . She lived in a lovely 2 - bed house in a nice part of North London , with a huge kitchen and garden and she often invited us to hang out there . She 's a lucky girl , while the rest of us were still living in matchboxes and paying inflated rents to landlords , her dad had helped her with a huge deposit and she was able to buy her own place four years ago . By the time I arrived , my friends were already waiting for me : Dolapo , Funmi , Maureen and Temmy . We were all friends from our undergraduate university days and thanks to Funmi and Titi , we remained a close - knit group . They kept us in touch with each other . After the usual round of hugs , gist swaps and a light meal , we went out to have a good time . First we saw a movie - a hot new chick - flick . Afterwards , we went clubbing and had a groovy time . I had forgotten how much fun it was to just let my hair down and dance the night away with my girls . When it was around 2am , we decided to call it a night , so we all piled into a taxi , fuelled by alcohol and excitement , talking nineteen to the dozen and laughing at the silliest thing throughout the journey back to Titi 's place . On Saturday morning , we woke up early - well if you call 10 . 30 am early - because Titi was having a party later that evening and she wanted to cook and get her house ready . One by one we stumbled out of bed , cleaned our teeth , washed our faces and trooped into Titi 's kitchen to find something to eat for breakfast . Maureen decided she wanted oats and we all agreed with that , so she got to work preparing some . Titi brought out her list and started sharing out the tasks for the day . I offered to help with cooking the jollof rice , Funmi was doing chicken and beef the way we all loved it at her party last summer , Temmy was making salad , plantain and gizzard stew , Maureen was making puff - puff and pancakes , Titi was going to pick up her birthday cake and a few more supplies from the supermarket while Dolapo said she might make moin - moin if there was time , but she would rearrange Titi 's living room and sort out the music . Then I noticed that Titi had forgotten to plan for something . " Alright , alright " Titi finally said . " I met him at a conference , I noticed him right away because he was the only black guy there . Throughout the conference our eyes kept meeting and afterwards , he came to say hello to me and we got talking . That 's it really " Later that afternoon , we were almost through with our cooking , Titi 's living room was set - up and she was in the bathroom blow - drying her hair having just had a shower , when the guy arrived . Temmy opened the door for him and he stepped in . We all introduced ourselves . " No thank you , I 'm in a hurry " he said politely . " I just came to drop the drinks and give Titi her birthday present . I have to go somewhere but I 'll be back for the party " " Na wah o , all that analysis in one brief meeting ! " Titi exclaimed . " But seriously , I 'm glad you guys said that because that 's exactly what I see in him too " " Yeah if he likes you and you like him too , just relax see what happens . You might really enjoy his company in spite of the difference in age . " Dolapo said . My office telephone rang shrilly , jolting me out of my thoughts . I looked around guiltily , hoping nobody had noticed that my mind had been far away . I picked up the call and it was my boss reminding me that we had a meeting later in the afternoon after lunch . I glanced at the time ; it was now ten minutes to eleven . I hung up and decided to get my work up to scratch before lunch time . Time went quickly and before I knew it , it was one o ' clock . I decided to take a break so I popped out quickly to get something to eat . I got back to my desk and remembered I wanted to check if Titi had uploaded the photos we took over the weekend . The party had been so much fun ; I had danced most of the evening with a guy who had the potential to progress to boyfriend level . But first things first … . I logged on to Facebook and scrolled down the news feed . I noticed a friend had been tagged in an album so out of curiosity I clicked on the photo to check it out . She was a bridesmaid at a wedding and since I loved viewing wedding albums I clicked on . I was thinking : " . . . . hmmm , I like the bride 's make - up … . . " " Wow , her jewellery is lovely … . . " " Although I 'm not too sure about her dress . . . . . . . " when I landed on a photo that nearly made me choke on my chicken sandwich . I stared at my computer screen in shock . Was it … ? Yes , the groom in the album was Dayo , the same guy that Titi was dating ! My friend is getting involved with a married man ! My heart sank . Labels : Rose Tremain was announced as the winner of the 2008 Orange Prize for her novel " The Road Home " . It 's a story of Lev , an immigrant from Eastern Europe , who travels to Britain to seek work . He is grieving the passing of his wife , while he leaves his land and everything to come to a new strange land . He wants to get a good job so that he can send money back home to support his mother and daughter . I was at the readings for both awards and I actually bought the book " Inglorious " afterwards . I 've started reading it and I 'm intrigued to see what happens to the character as the story unfolds . I 'll probably buy " The Road Home " as well because it sounds interesting . Mainly because I want to see how the writer portrayed English people through the eyes of an immigrant . Recently in the UK , the media have been talking about the idea of teaching young people about " shared British values " such as tolerance and respect . These are the principles we have ingrained in our culture and in our attitudes . They are the values that our grandparents passed down to our parents , who passed them down to us . I thought to myself , if the British have core values that make them who they are , what are my values as a Nigerian then ? As a Nigerian living outside the country , I am very much aware that we have acquired a bad reputation in the international community . This is due to widespread corruption , fraud and 419 activities committed by many desperate Nigerians . Some of our leaders are not much better , as a few have been caught with wealth from dubious sources . But for every Nigerian criminal that commits a crime , there are thousands more out there who are decent , honest and hardworking people . There are Nigerians living , studying and working in almost every country I can think of causing no trouble . So how would our host nations describe us ? What adjectives would I use to describe my fellow country folks ? For one thing , I could describe us as having pride . Most Nigerians I know are very proud of their identity . Sometimes to the extent that we are wary of non - Nigerians claiming to be from Nigeria . Most Nigerians are proud of where they come from . Whichever country we are based in abroad , we usually identify with other Nigerians we meet and we build social networks because of our common background . ( Even on blogspot , we have built a strong virtual Naija community ! ) . We are also very proud of our achievements and possessions . Whatever we have , we are proud to show it off . Wealthy and really humble Nigerians are quite rare actually . Sometimes this is good , but sometimes we use it to ' impress ' or ' oppress ' other people . And then we create a competitive situation . Everybody tries to ' keep up with the neighbours ' because they want what the other person has . Another value I think we have is respect . Growing up in Nigeria , one of the things hammered into my head over and over again was respect . As a child , you are taught to respect all your elders , you must greet everybody you see politely , you must not talk back to your elders , you shouldn 't interrupt when an elder is speaking , etc . I used to think it was all a big bother . But now that I 'm older , I see it reflects back on me if people perceive me as polite and good mannered or rude and ill - mannered . And I 'm glad that I don 't have to worry about it because being polite and respectful is already part of who I am . Nigerians are also ( usually ) very hardworking . Most of us were brought up with the idea that failure is a disgrace , so were pushed and pushed till we succeed . Parents go all out to ensure that their children achieve their goals . And even if we fail , we don 't accept it as the end . No , we must find a way to pick ourselves up and keep trying . ( I used to think this was normal until I met people who gave up trying after the first hurdle , and parents who couldn 't be bothered about their children 's success ) . This leads me to the next value : we don 't take no for an answer . How many Nigerians do you know that have been to the UK or US embassy 20 times ? Each time they are turned away , and soon they are back there to try again . We don 't give up even when the going gets tough ! I can mention a few more things common to many Nigerians that I know : we are adaptable , we take risks , we love enjoying ourselves , we are quite religious , we are optimistic , etc etc . However , there are some funny things that only Nigerians do . For example , only a Nigerian would have 6 mobile phones , why , because he just can 't have one . Only a Nigerian would attempt to take a 45kg suitcase onto a plane when the luggage allowance is 32kg . Still , we are a unique group of people , as diverse as can be , but having many shared values . Yes I 'm a Nigerian and I 'm proud of it ! If you are a Nigerian , please add your ideas of our shared values . The Orange Prize celebrates excellence , originality and accessibility in international women 's writing . As we all know , Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie won the prize last year and brought a lot of recognition to Nigeria and Nigerian writers . The events for 2008 are upon us and this evening , I attended the readings of the books shortlisted . This year 's entries are quite different from last year 's but no less interesting . I enjoyed listening to the writers reading out their work and I 'm finding it hard to judge which one will go on to become the eventual winner . The shortlisted writers are as follows : I plan to attend the further discussions with the authors tomorrow evening , then I 'll decide which of the books I 'm going to buy . Hopefully I 'll pick the winner ! Let me know what you think about the books and the authors . On Monday evening , I went to see Asa play at the Carling Academy in London . Her gig was amazing ! I knew I would enjoy her show because I love all the songs on her album , but she definitely exceeded my expectations . I went with two of my friends , one of them had only heard three of her songs and he was so captured by her that he wanted to see her play live . And we were not disappointed . We got to the venue early and since I had bought our tickets ages ago , so we didn 't have to join the long queue . We got in at 7 . 30pm and got a space right at the front of the venue ( it was standing only ) and we waited for the show to begin . The hall filled up quickly , most of the people in the audience were Nigerians , but there were also some French people and other nationalities there . The show began with the opening act , Ben Onono . He sang four songs , one of them called Badagry Beach , another called Blue Moon , and he also played the piano brilliantly . After he finished , the audience clapped and cheered , and we waited expectantly for the main performer to come on . Ben Onono Some people in the audience started chanting " Asa , Asa , Asa " . One by one , her band members came on the stage , took a bow and began playing their instruments . The crowd started cheering and then her back - up singer came on , smiling at us like she knew we were waiting for Asa herself to come on . Then we heard the beginnings of her song " 360 " and the crowd went wild . Asa came on stage singing the song and the audience joined in , singing all the words and screaming . She was brilliant - in one word . She was dressed simply with minimum fuss and make up , but she had amazing stage presence and we were all mesmerized . She interacted with the audience , performed like the star she is , and brought all her songs to life . During a performance by the band , she danced and the girl can move ! For most of the show , the audience sang along and she seemed pleased by the response she got . At some point , her back - up singer was staring at the crowd in surprise and amusement because we had taken over her job ! After the first song , she sang " Subway " and then before she started singing " Bibanke " she told us the gist about the song . It was deep . Next came a new song that is not on her album , something like " Iro Ko Da " . She then asked a member of the audience to come and join her to sing on stage . So many people screamed and jostled for her attention , it was funny . She called two girls up to the stage and they sang beautifully . " Fire on the Mountain " followed and of course we sang along , cheered , clapped and whooped when the song came to an end . She chatted a bit and then started telling us the story behind the " Awe " song , teasing us with the enticing bits about the young man , his aunt and his lover . I enjoyed that and I thought it was really good , because I love the song and I know what the words mean , but I hadn 't really gotten the gist of it before . When she sang it all the words came to life and you could almost imagine the people that were in the situation she described . The next song she performed was " Peace " which we all enjoyed . When she started " Jailer " and invited the audience to sing along with her , we all went crazy , jumping up and down , waving our arms , screaming the song at the top of our lungs , and it was great ! We definitely rocked that venue ! Then she sang " Beautiful " , but before then , she told us that the song was dedicated to all beautiful ladies in the crowd , and she tried to engage us to " sing " along with her , teasing us by saying we should sing very softly so that the guys in the audience would " feel " it . We cleared our throats and tried our best to copy her but most of us just descended into giggles . Then she sang the song and gave it so much depth and meaning , doing a nice dance in the middle , to the beat of the drums . She said the next song " No One Knows Tomorrow " was going to be the last song . So we savoured it and when the song came to an end , she thanked the audience , took a bow and went off stage . Some people started to leave , but most people in the audience decided to hang around and started chanting " Asa ! More , More ! " Then she and the band came back on stage ! She said they stopped the music because she is shy and when she mentioned her name , we did not encourage her . So we screamed ourselves hoarse and then she decided to perform a few more songs for us . She sang " Eye Adaba " wonderfully well , then she also performed two songs : one by Nina Simone and another by Bob Marley . Lastly , she did a mixed medley of three of her songs and then the show came to an end . We cheered , clapped and screamed and she said we were making her miss home , so when next she comes to London she would love to see us again , and stop by our house for some egusi soup : - ) She introduced us to her excellent band : there was Janet , her back - up singer , Jeff played the drums , Nicola played the Guitar , Rodi played Bass and Didier played the key boards . They all took a bow , while we all clapped and cheered for them . In all , it was a great show and a really good performance by Asa . I think I 'm now her biggest fan ! Her band was great too , so the quality of the music was excellent . I wish she could do another show in London before the end of the year , I 'll definitely be there . The only downside was that it started late and it was a Monday so most people had to leave immediately the show ended to get home . I woke up to the sound of my mother calling my name . She was shouting my name with a sense of urgency . I wiped the sleep from my eyes , trying to imagine what could have riled her so early in the morning . In my short fourteen years , I have learnt to identify the tone of my mother 's voice . I could tell that she was getting more impatient as she called my name a second and third time . I also sensed she was displeased about something . I would have to get up otherwise she would come into my room and drag me up herself . Then she would pull my ears and our confrontation would be much worse . I scrambled out of bed , put my feet into my slippers and tied a wrapper around myself to cover my nightgown . Three months ago , my mother had warned me not to step out of my room without covering up . I slipped out of the room and closed the door quietly without waking my younger sister . I walked through the corridor separating my room from the kitchen towards the sound of mother 's voice . Immediately I walked past our living room , I knew why she sounded agitated . We had some early morning visitors . Three of our relatives had come from the village . They must have left the village the day before and arrived in Lagos with the overnight bus . I wondered what they had come for this time . Visitors from the village never brought good news . The last time we had unwelcome guests from the village , they came to tell us our grandfather was dying , and father had to foot a huge hospital bill . They stayed for three days eating everything in sight . And when they were leaving , father had to give them back their transport fare . I didn 't understand why our custom dictated that we should entertain unwelcome visitors and give them money for their transportation . After all , we hadn 't invited them . Mother was stirring something on the cooker when I stepped into the kitchen . She looked to me like she had lost more weight in the past week . Her once plump cheeks were gone and in their place were just her high cheekbones . She had stopped smiling or laughing a long time ago . Her long hair was tied back and hidden under a black scarf . She had been wearing that scarf for more than three months now . I imagined the scarf was tired of being tied around her head . She turned to me as I greeted her . This was what I got for being the first child and daughter in the family , I mused as I walked back into the living room . My sister was still asleep even though she went to bed earlier than I did . I had more responsibilities in the house than she did . She was three years younger me and everyone 's pet . I entered the living room to greet the visitors . There was my uncle who was my father 's elder brother . He sat in the big armchair . My father 's aunt and another elderly woman I didn 't recognise were seated on the long sofa . There were three well - worn travel bags near the entrance to the living room as well as a bag full of foodstuff , suggesting to me that they planned to spend more than one afternoon . I tried to imagine how many days they would stay with the amount of luggage they had brought with them . I greeted them quickly but as I turned to leave , my uncle called out to me . " Don 't you know how to greet your elders ? You children of nowadays , because you are born in the city , you have forgotten our traditions and customs . Come back here and greet us properly ! " I hesitated for a second before turning back and going on my knees . I crawled round the room , greeting each of them in turn . My father 's aunt looked as if she was about to make a comment , but she changed her mind . After I had greeted the last person , I got up and waited for them to speak . I walked back to the kitchen to call mother , wondering why relatives always seemed to make a big deal out of everything . All she had to do was tell me who she was . In the last three months , my sister and I had met many people claiming to be related to our father in one way or the other . We couldn 't keep up with all the names and faces after a while so we just smiled and greeted them politely . I recounted what had happened in the living room to her . She shook her head sadly . " Please chop the onion and the tomatoes for me . Let me hear what they have to say now . " She dropped the knife and the yam she was cutting . It looked to me like she had tears forming in her eyes again . I watched her as she wiped her hands on her wrapper and went to the living room . I picked up the knife , rinsed it in the sink and started cutting the onions and tomatoes . I did the tomatoes first because they were easier on my eyes . Then I cut the onions . They made my eyes water and I sniffed . I didn 't want to cry again . I knew I had to be strong for my mother and my sister 's sake . As I worked , my mind went back to the events that had been happening in our family since eight months ago . I remembered mother coming home from work one evening , looking very happy and excited . She told me and my sister that she had important news to share during dinner when father got home . I hadn 't taken much notice at first , until my sister tried to guess what it was . We argued about what it could be and we narrowed it to two things : she had gotten the promotion she deserved at work or her brother had finally gotten his visa to the United States . When father came home , we told him about mother 's surprise news and our guesses . We were all taken by surprise when she announced at dinner that she was expecting a baby ! We had stared at her with complete surprise , looking at mother 's face to see if she was joking or pulling our legs . But she wasn 't , she showed us a note from the hospital confirming her pregnancy and her next appointment . Father 's face displayed several emotions at the same time : there was shock , then joy , then pride . He got up and hugged mother tightly , something I had only seen him do once before . After we all calmed down , mother had told us that she knew that this baby would be a boy , that he would be a wonderful brother to us girls , and he would have dad 's nose and her eyes . We all laughed at this at the dinner table and as we lay in our beds that night , my sister and I had talked and imagined having a little brother . She grumbled a little about giving up her position as the baby of the family . But I knew that deep down , she was excited about the news and she was looking forward to having a younger person to fuss over . " Your father 's relatives say I 'm a bad mother , " she said half to me and half to herself . " They think I 'm not raising my children properly . When will I ever do anything right ? " she leaned heavily against a wall . " They said I don 't feed you well because you are thin . They said you are spoilt because you don 't know how to greet your elders , " she was crying softly now and her shoulders were shaking . " They said I am turning you against their family . " She stopped crying after a few minutes and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand . I could feel a headache coming . I was tired of crying and I knew mother was tired of crying too . I went back to the stew I was making , stirring it slowly as I added the tomatoes and onions into the mixture . I remembered mother coming back from her second appointment at the clinic to tell us that the doctor said he thought she was carrying twins . It was still a bit early to tell , but he booked her for a scan in three weeks time . She was excited as we all were . I had touched mother 's stomach in wonder , thinking of how big it was going to grow if it was true that she had two babies in there . Three weeks couldn 't come quickly enough . Father was especially excited . The day before mother had the scan , he decided he was going to take her to the hospital himself . Indeed , the scan had confirmed that mother was carrying twins and they were two boys ! Father had been so proud of her . He had gone out and bought her two dresses the very next day . He commanded me and my sister to help out more with the chores in the house . He began to pay more attention to mother , asking her if she was hot , cold , tired , hungry or thirsty almost every ten minutes , much to the amusement of my sister . She had remarked that they looked like newly - weds the way dad was looking after her . Mother 's voice brought me out of my reverie . " Please pay attention to what you are doing Tope . Don 't let the stew get burnt " . We finished making the meal of boiled yams and fish stew and served it . While mother set the table for the guests , I went to wake my sister up . I peered into the living room as I walked past . My father 's aunt and the other woman were whispering together and pointing at something in the corner of our living room . When we got into the living room , our visitors were seated at the dining table . I noticed that my uncle had taken father 's usual seat at the head of the table . The unknown woman sat next to him on his right , while my father 's aunt sat on his left . Mother served the meal and sat down next to father 's aunt . I sat between my mother and my sister . From where I sat , I could look outside the front window . I watched three of our neighbours leave their houses dressed up to begin their day . The parents were going to drop the children off at school , before going to work . I tried not to think of school . My classmates would be wondering why I wasn 't back in class since the beginning of the term . Mother got up to get some dried pepper for her from the kitchen . The rest of the meal passed slowly in silence . The only sound at the table was the sound of the cutlery against the plates . I thought about how different this setting was from what we used to have when father was around . We used to discuss and laugh during our meals . Mother used to tell us funny stories about work and her staff members , Bola and I would talk about school , father would tell us about the politics going on at his office . Now that seemed like a lifetime away . When breakfast was over , my uncle announced he wanted to have a talk with mother . Bola and I cleared the table and went to the kitchen to do the dishes . We spoke in low tones while trying to listen to the conversation the adults were having in the living room . " I hope not ! Do you know who that other woman is ? " Bola said , piling the dishes into the sink " She looked like she 's older than uncle . " " You have to move on . We all believe he 's dead now " That was the voice of my father 's aunt . " Since he disappeared , nobody knows his whereabouts and we have not heard from him . If he was still alive we would have heard from him by now . " " What do you mean he has no heir ? " mother was getting agitated now . " If he is dead , everything he has worked for will go to his children ! I won 't let you take away my children 's inheritance ! " " Listen woman , " my uncle said . " You have no claim to my brother 's wealth . You did not produce a male child for our family . " Mother froze in shock . My mouth was agape . I could not believe what I was hearing . My sister and I looked at each other and then at mother . My father 's aunt and the other woman started shouting . They called mother some ugly names and threatened to deal with her . My uncle shook his head and started packing the bags . He spoke quickly in our language to the two elderly women and they hissed . Eventually he calmed them down enough and they turned to leave . Father 's aunt said " We are going to have a burial soon whether you like it or not . We have already started making arrangements . And you won 't get away with the way you have treated us today . ' ' They eventually left , talking loudly and heaving their bags as they left the compound . We watched them hail a taxi outside our gates . I turned to mother and looked at her face . She was breathing rapidly and she looked like she was shaking as she sat down on the long sofa . It was the first time I had seen her like this . In the past , my paternal uncles and aunties had been covertly horrible to my mother but she hadn 't reacted to their bullying for peace sake . Previously father 's presence stopped them from being openly nasty to her . Now father was gone , they probably felt that mother had nobody to defend her . I felt proud of her for standing up to my father 's relatives . Bola sat down on the sofa and put her head on mother 's shoulder . I sat on the floor with my knees drawn up to my chin , and my back resting on the sofa . We stayed in that position for a long time , each person with their own thoughts . Everywhere was quiet until mother started speaking softly . " That was when he changed ; he started to withdraw into himself . He stopped talking to me , he stopped caring about anything . He didn 't even notice that I was going through my own grief . I had dashed his hopes for a son . " I knew what she was talking about even though I didn 't want to hear it again . Everything had happened so fast . One day I had been looking at mother 's rapidly growing belly and asking her if the babies were already kicking . The next evening , she had complained of slight stomach pains . By the morning , the pains in her belly had increased and father had rushed her to the hospital where she was admitted immediately . He had stayed by her side the whole time she was there ; he only came home once to get some things to make her comfortable . Mother was discharged after two days and father brought her home . They told us mother had lost both babies , and the doctor said she needed plenty of rest . Bola and I were very sad to hear it , and we had cried for a long time . Then about two weeks later , father disappeared . He just went to work one day and didn 't come back . We had prepared dinner and waited for him to arrive , but he didn 't come back home at his usual time . By the time it was eleven pm , we knew something was wrong . Father had never stayed out late after work before because we always had dinner together as a family . Mother and I had kept a look - out for him throughout the night . Bola stayed up until one am but she eventually fell asleep . The next morning we didn 't know what to do , so we went to the police station to report him missing . After three days , we were getting more worried about what could have happened to him . Thoughts of attack by a group of armed robbers kept crossing my mind . We had waited for three weeks before telling our families about his disappearance . The situation worsened after that . Father 's family members had accused mother of so many things . They suspected she sent father away by making life unbearable for him , they speculated that he had gone to live with another woman since mother wasn 't making him happy or perhaps mother had even killed him herself ! Mother had made herself sick with worry and all the trouble that she had been re - admitted into hospital again for another three days . She was on compassionate leave from work for a month and the doctor had reiterated that she needed to rest . And now this : the family members threatening to take our house from us . It did not bear thinking . What would happen to us ? Where would we live ? " Tunde where are you ? Why did you leave us alone like this ? Why is this happening ? " mother sobbed . " Where will I go with my children ? What will I do now ? " " I don 't know who I can run to . My own parents are dead , my brother depends on me for his own food and my aunt lives in the village . Who can I turn to ? " I hated seeing mother feeling so helpless . I started thinking about any possible solution to our situation . There had to be other people we could ask for assistance apart from family . " Let me think , " mother replied . " Maybe I should go and see my friend , Mrs Ajani . She is a lawyer and she can advise us . " While mother went to make the telephone call , Bola and I went to our bedroom to talk . " I pray we can get this lawyer to help us , " I said . " Otherwise … . " For the rest of the afternoon , we sifted through father 's files , searching for any documents that would help our case with the lawyer . Mother found a lot of useful documents including their marriage certificate , father 's bank statements , contract letters , house deeds and employment records . She put them all in a file and set it aside to take with her to the lawyer 's office the next day . Later in the evening , after we finished having dinner , mother went to the living room to watch the news on the television . I went to the kitchen to do the dishes , while Bola got out the broom to sweep the dining room . About three quarters of an hour later , we heard mother scream loudly . In a panic , I dropped my work and rushed into the living room to see mother clutching at her chest and half - kneeling on the floor staring at the television . I looked at it and caught the announcement . They were announcing my father 's obituary on the news . I was in a daze . Mother was still screaming and Bola was too shocked to say anything . We all stared at the television until the announcement came to an end . Then we looked at each other . " Look at what your father 's relatives have done ! " mother was about to start crying again . " Just look at that ! They are really going to bury your father so they can carry out their wicked plans . " " You know , I 'm already tired of this , " she shook her head . " I just wish your father never left . I just wish I didn 't have to deal with all of this … " We half pulled her into the room she used to share with father and sat her down on their bed . She was still mumbling to herself when we crept out of the room . We both finished our chores in silence each of us trying not to show our emotions . Afterwards we turned off the television and the lights leading to our bedroom and got into our beds . I stayed awake for a while thinking about everything that had happened . It had been a long , emotional and confusing day . Early the next morning , we were jolted out of our sleep by the bell at the gate . I rushed out first and Bola followed close behind . We stopped in our tracks when we got close enough to gate to look out . Father was at the door , looking thinner than I remembered . " By recording your dreams and goals on paper , you set in motion the process of becoming the person you most want to be . Put your future in good hands - your own . " - - Mark Victor Hansen Welcome to my blog ! My name is Tolulope Popoola , and I 'm a reader , writer and lover of books and literature . I used to be an Accountant , until I rediscovered my love for writing and became a full - time writer in 2008 . I 'm the author of the novel Nothing Comes Close , a contemporary romance story set in London , Milton Keynes and Lagos . The story is based on some of the characters from the In My Dreams It Was Simpler online series . I also write flash fiction ( see a collection here ) , short stories , poems and articles for magazines . In addition , I 'm a Writing Coach and Publishing Consultant with my own company Accomplish Press . I help other writers to accomplish their own writing and publishing dreams too . If you want to contact me , please click HERE Hello friends . Hope you 've had a good week and a relaxing weekend . I mentioned in my last post that I was working with a friend to pu . . . Hello scribes ! Welcome to the beautiful ( and if you 're in Lagos , a very rainy ) month of June ! I hope the month has started on a great note for you . Can y . . . First off I am so glad you survived the London bridge attacks . I saw on Facebook that you were safe and all . What would I have done without . . . * Joe sez : * This blog originally appeared in 2010 . It 's extremely prescient about the future of ebooks , but that isn 't the reason I 'm reposting it . Thinking of you , E . Yes . Hopkus . Laugh . Be well . It 's been ever since that accident in which she said she died and came back to life . An unruly driver reek . . . This is a note , to break the silence , to explain it , maybe . First , apologies for the long hiatus . We have been away for a while , our last . . . The WordPress . com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog . Here 's an excerpt : 600 people reached the top of Mt . Everest in 2012 . T . . . All the stories and poems on this blog are written and owned by Tolulope Popoola . Please do not copy or reproduce them , or try to pass them off as your own . Copyright © 2007 - 2010 All rights reserved |
I am so excited about the holidays this year ! Zach is at such a fun age , where everything is magical and fun to him . I want to start all sorts of family traditions , but I 'm just not that motivated . We put our tree and lights up the weekend after Thanksgiving , and all of my cards have been addressed and mailed . I 've done a lot of shopping , but no wrapping yet , and I am getting together with some friends tonight to do the baking . I still have grand plans of decorating a gingerbread house with Zach ; we 'll see if that happens ! School ends next Friday for the semester . I am hoping to get some teaching done this week , but between the kids ' excitement and all of the holiday programs and concerts , there isn 't much class time available . My plan is just to keep them busy and quiet . Let 's see if I accomplish that . . . Zach and I are flying to South Carolina next Friday , to attend my sister 's graduation party next Saturday . I am so proud of her , and couldn 't have done what she has . For the past two and a half years , she has worked a full day , then driven over an hour to class one or two nights per week . Granted , I don 't want a master 's in middle school math education , but that takes a whole lot of dedication . I have no motivation to get my master 's ; our district doesn 't pay enough for me to have to worry about leaving Zach in the evenings , then finding time to do the homework . We are heading to Louisiana for three and a half days to celebrate Christmas with my family . My sister and her husband are driving down from South Carolina , and this will be our first Christmas all together in Mom and Dad 's new house . We 'll have to leave Zach 's big gift behind , and come up with a clever way to give it to him . I 'm thinking of having Santa leave him a picture of his new art desk in his stocking , with a note . We 've been watching the Polar Express over and over , so maybe it will work . . . We have an engagement party for Natalie 's best friend the night we get to Lafayette , and besides church and Christmas lights on Christmas eve , we don 't have anyPosted by Darren and I went to Austin Halloween weekend for our tenth anniversary . We reserved our hotel room on Orbitz , and it turned out to be really nice . We left Saturday morning , and arrived in Austin around 1 : 00 . We checked in to the hotel , then went and climbed Mount Bonnell ( not as impressive as it sounds ) . After that , we went shopping in a funky neighborhood , and tried to find the place where we went on the Haunted Hayride eight years ago . That dude ranch is now a gated neighborhood , and we saw them driving the hay wagon around . After that disappointment , we went and found this convenience store that stocks every brand of beer legal in Texas , then drove to Driftwood to eat at the Salt Lick . It is the coolest place to have barbecue , and just as good as I remembered . They don 't have a liquor license , so everyone takes their own beer , and sits outside to wait for a table . There is a band that plays , and the food is definitely worth the wait ! Later Saturday night , we went and took pictures of the state capitol building , and had coffee at this place called Mozart 's on Lake Austin . It was just so nice to be somewhere where the whole town doesn 't shut down at 9 : 00 ! Sunday , we went on the Duck Boat Tour . It was corny , but fun . The vehicle was something that the British Navy had used in World War II , and it moved at about ten miles per hour . Also , it had transmission problems . Our tour guide was very entertaining , and made us wear duck whistles , to blow at pedestrians that we passed . After our slow drive around town , we drove into Lake Austin and made a big circle . We worked up an appetite with that tour , and went and had lunch at the Hula Hut . It was okay , and the service was bad . We drove around downtown , then went to the Whole Foods Market to wander around . We then went to the Arboretum , which is an outdoor mall , and it had most of the same stores that we have here in The Woodlands . We had fajitas at the Iguana Grill out on Lake Travis , but it was too dark to see . We went back to the hotel and went to bed after that . MonPosted by As we move rapidly toward the holidays , I am already feeling like life is moving too quickly for me . Between work , my Creative Memories business , the sorority , and being a mom , I feel like I am already stretched incredibly thin . Now , we are getting ready to add Thanksgiving meal planning and preparation , which I really enjoy , and Christmas shopping . I think I would enjoy Christmas shopping so much more if I had more money to spend . It 's tough to buy gifts that you hope make people happy , plus don 't cost a fortune , yet still look like they do . The area where we live is getting more and more expensive , and I can 't afford to shop in all the new exclusive boutiques that we have here . Since we don 't use credit cards , I need to space our presents out over several paychecks . That is tough , because once I start shopping , I just want to get it over with . My Creative Memories business is not going nearly as well as I hoped that it would . I had high hopes that it would help to pay for Christmas this year , but those hopes will go unrealized . I had my Holiday Open House this past weekend . I planned that thing for weeks . I sent out invitations and e - mails , made phone calls , put up fliers at school , put signs on the mailboxes in my neighborhood , and put a sign in my front yard . I even put an ad on the local website . I had nine people tell me they were coming Friday night or Saturday , and never heard from the rest of them . Thursday , I worked from 4 : 30 - 1 : 00am typing out a welcome letter , planning the food , and artfully arranging my products . I was so excited about the weekend , and having so many people come . Friday , I rushed to the grocery store after work , went home and prepared food , and waited for my guests . I had four people Friday night , then two customers on Saturday . I never heard from the others . No , " sorry , I can 't make it " for whatever reason . I did book one show for January , and had two more orders after that , but I still haven 't made back the money that I spent on the food . Why don 't people RSVP anymore ? I 've heard thPosted by I cannot believe that it is October already ! This is my favorite time of year , and I wish things would slow down enough for me to take the time to enjoy it . School is still stressful , I am trying to work my Creative Memories business , and I am trying to get our fledgling sorority chapter to grow . I have tried to cut back on my commitments , but I always seem to overextend myself anyway . I can never say that I am bored ! I just want to have the time to go to the Renaissance Festival , or enjoy an afternoon at the park with my family . Next Friday is our ten - year anniversary . It is hard to believe that ten years ago today , I was getting ready to get married . We lived in Baton Rouge , but got married in Lafayette , an hour away . Much of the wedding planning fell on my mom , who was trying to take care of my grandmother . She had fallen and broke her hip , wrist , and another bone , and moved in with my parents . I was struggling in school , not sure what direction I wanted to go in . I knew that I wanted to go into the art field , but was unsatisfied with the graphic design program at LSU . They taught students how to draw , but nothing on the computer , which was what Darren was doing at the time . Darren was in grad school at LSU that semester ; going to class two days per week , and commuting to New Orleans three days a week to work . It was a somber day , two weeks before our wedding , when Darren and I went and resigned from the university together . I was waiting tables at a new restaurant , On the Border , so there wasn 't much income being contributed by me . I was tired of wedding details , and just wanted to forget about all of it . Eventually , I settled down , and really enjoyed my wedding . Friends said it was the most fun wedding they had ever been to , but I don 't remember a lot of the details . What I do remember is that I cried through the entire ceremony , and at the reception , Darren and I had a private waiter . Every time we 'd take a picture , which was too often for me , our waiter would dispose of our drinks . Consequently , neither ofPosted by Just when I thought things were settling down for me , and looking forward to having a calmer month , October came along like a bulldozer . We recovered from Hurricane Rita , thinking , " Well , that wasn 't bad at all . It was nice to have the extra days off ! " On the Sunday after Rita , the 25th , the cable company lost power just before the season premiere of Desperate Housewives . We ended up having to listen to the show on my kitchen radio , which wasn 't the same . That same night , my cool new kitchen light flickered and faded , and eventually turned off , not to be revived . We figured there was a loose wire in there , and we 'd get to it when we could . That Monday , the 26th , our dear power company began doing what they called " rolling blackouts " , and assured us that we wouldn 't be affected for more than an hour at a time . They were doing this to try to help turn on customers who had lost power during Rita . Their rolling blackouts turned into 4 - 5 hours at a time , and usually during the hottest part of the day , or just when I was about to cook dinner . They 'd go off for an hour , come back on for an hour , then go back off for several hours . What fun that was ! Thankfully , that only lasted for 3 or 4 days , and we are back to business as usual . The grocery stores and gas stations are restocked , and we finally cleaned up our backyard yesterday . My parents came in that Thursday night from Louisiana , because Darren had surgery on Friday . He has had a lump on the side of his neck since the eighth grade , and finally decided to have it removed . The lump had grown steadily since it appeared , and was about the size of a chicken nugget . The doctor thought it was a benign cyst , and we weren 't worried about the procedure . We left the house at the ungodly hour of 5am , then drove an hour to downtown Houston . Darren 's surgery was at 8 : 00 , they woke him up around 9 : 45 , and kicked him out ten minutes later . It turns out that the lump was a giant ingrown hair ; when his beard started to develop as a teenager , that hair grew in instead of out , wrapped Posted by We made it through the night virtually unscathed . We all slept downstairs in our office , and the wind never howled . If it did , it didn 't wake us up . We have leaves and pine needles everywhere , and a couple of small branches down . We never lost power , either . I guess we can start cleaning up once it stops sprinkling . It 's going to be an exciting rest of the weekend ! If we sit in the house , Zach is going to drive us crazy , but we don 't want to drive around too much . We don 't know when the gas stations will be refilled , or when other businesses will reopen . It would be nice to go out to dinner for my birthday , but I guess that will have to wait . I could clean , but it would just get dirtied immediately . I have a couple of library books , so I guess I can read those . Darren will probably work on his website all day . What an exciting bunch we are ! Well , it looks like I am going to have an exciting birthday . We 'll be stuck in the house , with probably no power . So much for an evening out at the Melting Pot , and no Zach ! It has been an interesting week , to say the least . . . People started making preparations on Tuesday for Hurricane Rita , but not us . We figured that we 'd head to my parents ' house in Louisiana to ride out the storm , and there was still plenty of time to get everything done . Well , during the day on Wednesday , a decision was made to cancel school on Thursday and Friday . The kids were restless and worried , and it was a very stressful day for all of us . We couldn 't tell them until the end of the day , but they suspected that something was amiss , and wanted to talk about it all day . I tried to ease their minds as much as I could , but it wasn 't very effective . They began evacuating Galveston , 70 miles south of us , and people bought up all of the supplies in the stores . By the time I left work on Wednesday , gas was scarce , and groceries were even more scarce . It took Darren 3 1 / 2 hours to get home from work that day , because the roads were so clogged with people heading north . We went in search of gas that night , and found one station south of The Woodlands that was about to close , but still had gas . We tried to find an ATM with money in it , but there were none to be found . This area has voluntary evacuation , and a lot of people headed out of here that night , preventing people with mandatory evacuation from getting out of the area . Darren 's dad left Galveston at 7 : 30 Wednesday night , and finally arrived here at about 9 : 00 last night . They spent 3 hours in a hotel yesterday morning , and finally got off the interstate and took back roads late yesterday afternoon . Thank God for cell phones ; Darren used a computer map to guide them here . After over 24 hours on the road , they were exhausted , and went over to Sean and Jamie 's house to sleep . We went out in search of money yesterday , and found a bank that was about to close . We waited in the drive - through for ovPosted by I don 't have the same angst at the Green Day song , but September is always such a hectic month . My dad 's and my birthday are in September , we always have Open House at school , and are just getting adjusted to the school year . I am five weeks into the school year , and don 't feel settled yet at all ! I 'm not sure what to blame for that , but I am just so tired all the time , and feel out of sorts . I only teach one subject this year , so there is less grading and less lessons to plan , but things are different at school . We have to turn in lesson plans , which is stressful to make sure I have them written on time and copied before I leave for the weekend , and we have a lot more meetings this year . I also have a special - needs child in my regular - ed classroom , who really needs more than I can give her . It is my smallest , but most talkative homeroom , and in order to work with her , I have to completely ignore the rest of the class . In the meantime , they crawl on the floor , run through the room , and talk in incredibly loud voices . I am not certified to teach special education , and I hope that everyone is getting what they need out of my class right now . I guess that is weighing pretty heavily on my mind . Besides school , we are currently in the middle of yet another home improvement project . We painted the bathroom Labor Day weekend , and have been planning to paint our bedroom for months . After finally settling on metallic silver paint , we have worked on it all weekend . The paint is $ 40 per gallon , so we really only planned to buy two gallons . We bought the special Ralph Lauren roller covers , but after two coats , it looks as though another gallon is in our future . I just want to finish this project so we can have our weekends back for a while . Then , we 'll forget about our previous projects , and be ready to tackle the next one , which is tiling an upstairs bathroom floor . In addition to my previous worries , my Creative Memories career is not exactly flourishing . I was really excited about it when I signed up in July , had two greaPosted by Darren and I have been in Texas for five and a half years , bought two houses and a car , and had a baby here . We 've also both had more than one job here , and made numerous friends , but have never really felt much of a connection here . It 's still weird to me to say the pledge to the Texas flag each school morning , like I 'm being disloyal to Louisiana . After this weekend , we 've both decided that we are proud to say that we live here , and it is finally beginning to feel like home . We went Saturday morning to volunteer at Reliant Park , which is made up of the Astrodome , Reliant Stadium , Reliant Center , and the Reliant Dome . There are all kinds of things that happen there ( which we 've never been to ) , and Astroworld is across the street . After a 30 - second orientation , we followed a whole bunch of people to a walled - off section of the Reliant Center , and waited for job assignments . We were eventually assigned to unload the cars of people who came to donate items for the hurricane victims . After a slow start , we started having masses of people who wished to donate . It was absolutely amazing to see the generosity of the residents of Houston , from the truckloads of water and formula , to the old beat - up cars filled with garbage bags of clothes . It seemed like everyone had something to donate , and since many people here have Louisiana roots , I think it helped with the healing process . There were crews of people inside the center whose job was to sort the items , and if you could imagine something to donate , we had it . There was a plethora of clothes , shoes , and bottled water , but also hygiene items , food , formula , diapers , toys , towels , appliances , and luggage . It made me feel like we were going to be able to help every person who was now calling Reliant Park his or her home . When we left after four hours , Darren and I both had a renewed energy and appreciation for where we live . I know we didn 't make a huge difference , but it felt really good ! On our way home , I received a phone call from the woman who introduced Darren and mPosted by This has been a rough week for me . I have so many friends and family members in southern Louisiana , and we were so worried about them surviving the hurricane . My parents in Lafayette came through just fine , Darren had some family members come in from Jeanerette and Slidell for two days , and Darren 's mom , step - dad , aunt , and uncle refused to evacuate from Lacombe , just west of Slidell . It was taking people up to 8 hours to travel the 75 miles between New Orleans and Baton Rouge , and they didn 't want to sit in traffic . After the hurricane hit , we watched as much TV as we could stand , and just wanted to know that everyone was all right . All of our friends in Baton Rouge are fine , but some didn 't get power back on until last night . Phone service to anywhere in Louisiana is still tough , as well . We didn 't hear anything about Darren 's mom Monday , Tuesday , or Wednesday , and prepared for the worst . We placed her name on a couple of missing - persons lists , and hoped that she was safe somewhere . Thursday morning at 1am , we received a phone call from Darren 's brother , saying their mom was safe and on her way to Jeanerette . I can 't tell you how relieved we were to get that news ! Darren talked to her yesterday and got the story . Apparently the flood waters didn 't go above their second porch step , and the only damage sustained to her property was a pine tree that snapped off and hit her husband 's garage . They had a generator and plenty of food and water , so they weren 't too worried . Volunteers weren 't going to search their area right away , so they decided to try to get out on their own . It took two days with a chainsaw and help from strangers to make their way out to the highway , and Darren 's step - dad , who is an electrician , stayed behind to work . It 's amazing how this is affecting all of our lives . I want to help as much as possible , and it is so sad to think that New Orleans might never be the same again . Darren and I lived there for a year , and it is the most alive city I have ever been in . There is so much history there , and Posted by Well , we 're a week into school , and I seem to be perpetually tired . I am hoping that I can fix this ; maybe by exercising or trying to actually go to bed before midnight . My eyes are hurting really bad and making me more tired than I already am ; I am promising myself a visit to the eye doctor ( my first in 12 or 13 years ) when my new insurance kicks in on the 1st . We 've had a whirlwind week ! School started last Wednesday , and we had Zach 's birthday party at our house on Saturday . I baked his cake and did some cleaning Thursday night , decorated the cake for 4 hours Friday night , decorated more of the cake Saturday morning , cleaned , and decorated . The party was a big success , and Zach got more toys than any kid should be allowed to have . Saturday night , Mom and Dad , my brother - in - law and his family all hung out and ate pizza . My nephew spent hours putting together a block playset that Zach received that day , which of course has already been taken down . Sunday , Mom and Dad left early , and I spent the day on the couch , first by reading an entire novel , then by taking a nap . Zach spent the day playing with his new toys , and went to sleep in his new tent pretty easily . Monday night , I went to a Creative Memories meeting to find out about the new get - together format , which is really cool . My upline challenged me to hold a get - together within the next week , so I am having one Saturday at my house . Hopefully I won 't be alone ! Yesterday was Zach 's 4th birthday . He started gymnastics , which he loved . What I love about it is that he goes during the day at school . It doesn 't take away from family time , and he 's not spending all day at school . He was allowed to bake a cake in the Easy Bake oven at school , and we brought cookies for snack time . When Darren got home from work , Zach opened even more presents , then we took him to Johnny Rocket 's for dinner . It 's an old - fashioned diner place , and the waitresses sing and dance . They sang happy birthday to Zach , and he didn 't react too much . After dinner , we took him to Target to spend hPosted by Today was my first day of school , and Zach 's first day of preschool . He went into it with much more confidence than I did ! His daddy had to drop him off , since I had to be at work SO EARLY , but he just went to the new classroom , found his friends , and sat down . He had a great day , took a long nap ( unfortunately ) , and was in a great mood when I picked him up . He is zoning in front of the TV while I play on the computer , and his dad gets the yard ready for his 4th birthday party on Saturday . Today was exceptionally long , especially when I kept the same group of kids all day . We had a break at lunch and fine arts time , but some of the kids were with me from 7 : 30 this morning until almost 5 : 00 this afternoon . It was time to get away from each other ! The parents cracked me up this morning ; they all had huge smiles on their faces , and were very excited to get their freedom back after the summer . I don 't think most of the moms were worried about their kids ' first day ; they were too happy about having an empty house to let it bother them ! I think it is going to be a good year ( I 'll be interested to read this again in May ) ; I seem to have a pretty good group of kids . There are a few who already seem like they will be a lot of work , and a few who can 't sit still , but that is all part of the job . Most of them seem to be caring , kind individuals , and it will be fun to watch them grow this year . Fifth grade is such an important year for the kids ; they come to us from elementary school , and suddenly have lockers , four teachers , and electives . When they leave us , they have usually grown several inches , discovered the opposite sex , and have a much more developed personality . It 's always so much fun to see my students from the previous year in the fall ; they grow up so much ! I have four kids this year who are younger siblings of previous students , and it is nice to be able to " check up " on former students . I am thrilled to be able to only teach Social Studies this year ! I feel like I will really be able to go in - depth with the matePosted by I haven 't posted in a while , but there hasn 't been much excitement to report , and I 'm sure that no one wants to get involved in the mundane details of my life . We went to Louisiana for the last weekend in July , and it was a nice , relaxing weekend . We went out on Dad 's boat that Saturday , which is something we hadn 't done in a couple of years . We went to the big city of Delcambre , known for the apparel called " Delcambre Reeboks " . If you aren 't fortunate enough to own a pair of these beauties , you are truly missing out ! They are sexy , white rubber boots that the fisherman and shrimpers there wear . When the boots aren 't occupying the feet of their owners , they are displayed upside down , wedged between the toolbox and rear window of pickup trucks . Anyway , we launched Dad 's boat in the Delcambre Canal , and headed out toward Vermilion Bay . The weather was beautiful , and Zach didn 't mind the life jacket too much , so it was a pleasant trip . If it wasn 't so expensive for Texas residents to get a Louisiana fishing license , we would have loved to have fished that day . According to the fish finder on the boat , there were lots of places that would have been good fishing holes . After driving around Vermilion Bay , we went down the Intracoastal Canal toward Cypremore Point . We passed tugboats pushing barges , as well as shrimp boats headed back in with their catch . We drove underneath the new bridge to Cypremore Point , which was weird , because you could see the cars and trucks driving over it . They had to build a new bridge because the old one was really low , and boats kept running into it . The new one is about 80 feet tall , so that shouldn 't be a problem . Zach napped in Gammy 's arms on the way back to the dock , and we decided that seafood for dinner was a must . We stopped at the bait store / bar / daiquiri shop and bought some shrimp , which Dad barbecued for dinner . Zach stayed with my parents until Thursday , when they came here . I missed him , but I had forgotten how easy it was to keep the house clean without a child around . It was Posted by I know , it 's only Monday , but I 'm tired ! We had an action - packed weekend , with not much relaxation thrown in . Darren stayed home on Friday , preventing me from doing my usual thing of sitting in front of the computer for hours . I used the time to finish the Harry Potter book . I know that opinions vary about this one , but I liked it better than the fifth one , and thought that she did a good job of leading into the final book . Friday evening , we took Zach to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory . I liked it much better than the first movie , since it had less songs and was more closely related to the book . Darren was disappointed that the Oompa - Loompa song wasn 't in this version . Saturday , we had a barbecue for my sorority alumnae chapter . After two months of planning , we only managed to have five members show up , but we did have a lot of fun . It was hot , and I consumed massive amounts of liquid , but it wasn 't unbearably hot . If the camera batteries hadn 't died , I 'd have pictures . The only downside to the afternoon was the flies . I think that every fly in the state of Texas converged on Creekwood Park that afternoon ! I 'm glad I had some Ziploc bags to store all of the food in . Those flies were vicious ! Besides swatting flies , Zach and I spent a while feeding the ducks and fish in the pond nearby . Fish sure like hot dogs ! Zach had another little boy to play with , so they ran around and did little - boy things , like poking sticks in the mud at the edge of the pond . After four hours at the park , we decided that we needed to go swimming . So , we hauled everything home , changed into bathing suits , and headed for a pool . There are 12 public pools where we live , but this one is the best . It 's round , is about 2 feet deep , and in the middle of it is a structure with slides and fountains . Off to the side is a ten - foot - wide slide that Zach loves to go down . When we go there , Darren and I get to sit in the water while Zach runs around and does his thing . Too bad it 's always crowded . . . We had Zach snoring on the couch by 9 : 00 that niPosted by There are three weeks of summer left , and just like every year , I start panicking that I haven 't gotten everything done that I wanted to accomplish . In a way , it would be nice if we had year - round school , so that we could get a couple of weeks off a few times a year . I wouldn 't feel nearly as pressured to maximize the time , and wouldn 't get bored . So far this summer , I have been to Florida and Las Vegas , cleaned out Zach 's room , learned to knit , done a lot of scrapbooking , joined the pools , joined the YMCA , read a lot of books , and started a new business . What I still want to do before I go back to work is clean out our office , paint our bathroom , and plan Zach 's birthday party . I 've worked in my classroom for the past two days , and spent all afternoon making curtains for it yesterday . I have the new Harry Potter book , but am rationing it so I don 't finish too fast . It 's rained every day for the past two weeks , so we haven 't been able to swim . Besides that , I don 't have too many exciting things going on right now . Zach and I are getting tired of each other . I haven 't been a good mommy this summer ; I haven 't taken him to story time at the library , and we haven 't gone to the children 's museum here . With the rain , he 's spent a lot of time watching TV , which he really enjoys . It 's really too hot to play outside , as well . He 's going to spend a few days with his grandparents in Louisiana at the end of the month , and I think he 'll really enjoy that . I 'll miss him , though . I am a pretty creative person . I 've always enjoyed arts and crafts , and even majored in art for a while in college . I had a ceramic painting studio for nine of the longest months of my life , but I 'm better now . . . Since we have been married , Darren has watched me experiment with various art - related hobbies . We 've been through the candle - making phase , the soap - making phase , the jewelry - making phase , etc . For the past six or seven years , I have been interested in scrapbooking . For the longest time , all I did was go to hobby stores and buy all sorts of scrapbooking stuff , but I never did anything with any of it . My neighbor invited me to a Creative Memories show last summer . I went to one six years ago and liked their stuff , but thought it was too expensive , and not something I wanted to invest in . Scrapbooking always intimidated me , because of how complicated some people 's pages are . I knew that I never wanted to waste that much time on one album page . Anyway , the consultant at my neighbor 's show last summer wasn 't into all that complicated stuff . Her mission was to show us how to organize and store our pictures safely . If we wanted to get into album - making , fine , but we didn 't have to . If we did decide to do an album , she explained that our goal should be to get the pictures on a page , and write about them . Stickers and all that other stuff are nice , but not necessary . I really took that to heart , and finally began working on all of my pictures . I had boxes of them everywhere , and I finally got them all sorted and organized . I began making an album for my son , since I hadn 't done too well in the baby - book department . Since then , I have been going to this consultant 's class once a month to work on my album , and stealing time when I have it at home . My son loves to look at the pictures about him , and he tells people about " Mommy 's scrapbook . " I have been trying to figure out how I can make some extra money to support my scrapbook habit , and help other people get their pictures organized . I don 't have a whole lot of fPosted by We had a wonderful time on our trip . As usual , we packed in more activities than thought possible . We are not the kind of people who go on vacation to relax ; we go to " see stuff ! " We left our house at 5 : 30 Monday morning and arrived in Las Vegas at 8 : 30 , their time . We got our rental van , loaded up , and headed to Red Rock Canyon , which was beautiful . Zach especially enjoyed hiking to a cave . That evening , we checked into our hotel , ate dinner at the Rainforest Cafe , and walked to the Bellagio to see the water show . By then , we were all so tired that we were miserable , so we took a taxi back to MGM , and went to bed . Tuesday , we ate breakfast at the buffet and headed out to Hoover Dam . Due to security measures , it took a while to get there , but it was worth it ! Lake Mead is beautiful , with unreal , green water . We toured the dam , visited the hot and crowded gift shop , and headed back toward the city . We ate dinner at one of Wolfgang Puck 's restaurants in our hotel , then went across the street to Monte Carlo to see Lance Burton , a magician , perform . Zach really enjoyed it , as did we , but Lance has an annoying voice , and doesn 't seem to move his lips when he talks . After the show , we took a taxi to Fremont Street , and watched the light show there . Darren and I enjoyed seeing the old - time casinos down there . Wednesday , we ate breakfast at the hotel buffet , then went north of town to Valley of Fire State Park . We drove out in the middle of nowhere to get there , but the rock formations were beautiful there . We climbed on some of the rocks , saw some petroglyphs , and hiked 1 / 4 of a mile to something called Mouse 's Tank . That was in 115 degree heat , walking in sand . There were some interesting petroglyphs on that hike , but we got to the end , and Mouse 's Tank was a small pool that you had to lean between rocks to see . We went back to the hotel that afternoon , where Mom and I lost $ 20 on the slot machines , and Darren and Dad took Zach to the pool . Darren and I went to dinner that night at Top of the World , which is on the 107thPosted by It always seems that vacations sneak up on me . I 'll shop for new clothes and things days in advance , find someone to feed the cat ( thanks , Haley ) , and clean the house . I always put off the major task that I dread - - packing ! I really hate to make the decision about which clothes to take , and which to leave behind . I 'm always worried that I will forget something important , so the inner packrat kicks in , and tells me , " Pack everything ! " My husband , however , does not share that viewpoint . An example of this would be a conversation that we had today : Him : " Go upstairs and pack ! " Me : " As soon as I finish checking my e - mail ( I didn 't get any e - mail this weekend ) " Him : " I 'm not going to be some goddamned sherpa walking around the airport with all of my earthly possessions ! " Me : " We 're only taking two suitcases , a carry - on bag , my purse , a stroller , and the car seat . " Him : " AAAARRRGGHHHH ! " It 's now 11 : 20 at night , we are waking up at 4 : 30 , leaving for the airport at 5 : 30 , and are leaving for Las Vegas at 7 : 10 tomorrow morning . Darren is on the phone with Hertz right now , trying to rent a car seat for Zach . That would be one less thing to lug through the airport . Anyway , we are off to gawk at all of the cheesy sights of Las Vegas for five days . We won 't be doing much gambling , because we will have a three - year - old with us , but I 'm sure it will be a lot of fun . I can 't wait ! See you Friday night ! It seems there isn 't enough for the teenagers to do at night where we live . It does seem to me that the whole town shuts down at 9pm , and the only thing left to do is go to IHOP , the movies , or a party at someone 's house . We don 't have any sort of " teen center " or teen club here , and I guess the kids are going to get bored with boozing it up at someone 's house after a while . When I was a teenager , we entertained ourselves by hanging out at Taco Bell , playing illegally at an elementary school playground ( Castle Park was what we named it ) , stealing street signs ( or borrowing on a permanent basis , as we called it ) , or just driving around . We never did anything that was considered harmful or REALLY destructive . Anyway , most of the teenagers where we live seem to be overly - privileged . They drive nicer cars than mine and fork over thousands of dollars for school dances . It also seems to me that they have no regard for possessions , and treat them carelessly . I 'm not speaking about all of them , but the large majority , it seems . In The Woodlands , most neighborhoods have names , and signs with those names , at the entrance to them . The newer neighborhoods have signs made of stone , which are pretty substantial . The older neighborhoods have signs made of wood with the name carved into it , and they are pretty cool - looking . In recent years , The Woodlands has begun replacing these signs with stone ones , which diminishes the state park - like feel of the area . Someone , or several someone 's , has been driving his or her car into these signs , and knocking them down . I don 't know if it a group of teenagers who are doing it for kicks , or someone who lost control of their vehicle . I personally think it is the former ; a teenager with a Jeep or some other type of 4x4 which is high off the road . We live off a fairly major street , which is one of the few major streets without ditches . People have also been driving through the yards of the houses on that street . It 's just sad . . . Our neighborhood , up until yesterday morning , had one of those previoPosted by I can 't believe that a month of summer has already gone by , and I am not skinny , nor is my house perfectly clean and organized ! I have managed to take a trip to Florida with my parents ( it rained the whole time ) , clean out the pit that is Zach 's room , kinda learn how to knit , read LOTS of books , get caught up on Zach 's scrapbook , and serve the ever - changing whims of a three - year - old . Zach does go to school two days a week , and on those days , I cram in as much activity as possible . I clean the house , do the laundry , run errands , and try to fit in some reading time . The goals that I still have for this summer ( which means until I go back to work on August 11th ) are : clean and organize our office , paint our bedroom and bathroom , and get lots of work done on the family heritage scrapbook that I am about to start . I think those goals are pretty reasonable , so we 'll see . . . We are taking our second " real " vacation next week , in the ten years that Darren and I have been married . The first one was last summer , and we went on a seven - day cruise from New Orleans to Jamaica , Grand Cayman , and Cozumel . It was absolute bliss ! We ate and slept as much as possible , went to the shows every night , climbed a waterfall with every other tourist in Jamaica , went snorkeling with stingrays in Grand Cayman ( along with thousands of other people ) , and visited the Mayan ruins at Tulum in Mexico . We wanted to go on another cruise this year , but it was not affordable . In a couple of years , I think we 'll take Zach on a cruise out of Galveston . On Monday , we are headed to Sin City for five days . Las Vegas is someplace I have wanted to visit for years , and I just want to go and gawk at the sights , as well as the tacky tourists who are sure to be in abundance . We won 't be doing much gambling , since Zach will be joining us , but we are taking our own personal tour guide / chauffeur / baby - sitters ( Mom and Dad ) . We have big plans to visit Red Rock Canyon , Valley of Fire State Park , Hoover Dam , and my personal goal , every hotel on the Strip . We are stayiPosted by I know most people couldn 't care less about scrapbooking , and think it 's a waste of time , but I find it enjoyable . It 's a good creative outlet for me , and my son enjoys looking at the pictures . ( He probably doesn 't care at all about the cute stickers and background paper , but I can lie to myself and think he does . ) It makes me feel like I am getting my money 's worth out of all those useful art classes in college , and I am able to justify numerous trips to Michael 's . Plus , I am single - handedly keeping Snapfish in business , by uploading pictures and ordering prints of them . The only problem with that , is that you never finish . Every time you think you have finished your scrapbook , your son does something else that is cute or funny , and you have to document it . Then you have to upload the pictures to your computer , edit them , upload them to Snapfish , order prints , and wait for them to arrive in the mail . Anyway , on my quest for the perfect background paper , there are several categories which are seriously lacking . I do live in Texas , and there is a plethora of Texas - themed paper to be found , along with those two big Texas universities that I will not mention , because I do not support either one of them . However , I cannot find : 1 . Crawfish boil themed things - - I had to use a lobster diecut and red - and - white gingham paper2 . Festival International - - ( okay , most people outside of Lafayette have never heard of this , but for us , it 's a big deal ) How am I going to show off my husband and his fraternity brothers in their annual drunken poses ? 3 . Washing the car with DadSo far , those are the top three that I am having difficulty with . I 'm not big on cutesy things , and that seems to be the majority of the market . I don 't use chalk to shade paper , I don 't use vellum , ribbon , pink , or hearts , and I 'm not big on quotes , charms , or fibers . I like to use a nice background , stick some pictures on , write something about the pictures , and maybe add a couple of pictures . I won 't be featured in a magazine anytime soon , but that 's all right Posted by I know there are times when all parents just want to disappear out of embarrassment , and I had my moment on Tuesday . As my mom would say , " God punished you ! " We had the air conditioner repairman here , and I was outside with him , learning how to clean it off for free , instead of for $ 400 , and Zach was inside , watching Lots and Lots of Trucks . Apparently , the phone rang , and he came outside to tell me to answer it . When I refused to comply immediately with his demand , he became agitated , and said , " Go inside and answer the fuckin ' damn phone ! " From past experience , if there is anything that we ask Zach not to say , he will just repeat it over and over , to be annoying . So , I calmly tried to explain to him that I didn 't need to answer the phone , and he 'd better get inside before I lost it with him . In the meantime , the air conditioner guy and I are trying not to laugh . When I called my husband to let him know what our precious darling did , his response was , " But I never use those words together . He did use them in the right context , though . " There you have it . My child will be the one who is expelled from day care for teaching the other students naughty words . Thankfully , he is usually a follower , rather than a leader . He can smell out bad kids from 50 feet away , perceive them as cool , and copy every single thing they are doing . Let 's hope he doesn 't suddenly decide to educate his classmates . That would be hard to explain . . . We had a power outage last Wednesday night . The power faded in and out for a few minutes , which was really weird . I had a roast in the oven , and was worried that we would not be able to eat dinner that night . Being from South Louisiana , food is extremely important to me ( hence , my ever - present weight problem ) . Anyway , it took about 15 minutes of going off and on , but the power finally stayed off . We decided to finish cooking dinner on the gas grill outside ; we did mashed potatoes , peas , and garlic bread , and were pretty impressed with ourselves . After listening to various news reports on the radio , going to get ice cream , and driving around for a while , we headed home and prepared for the worst . It was a main transmission line from a power plant about 20 miles north of us , and affected over 100 , 000 people in several counties . They had no idea when it would be repaired . I guess at this point , it helped that we live in a relatively affluent area , because our power was restored around 10 : 30 that night . We blew out our candles and went to bed . Thursday morning , I started noticing how hot it was in our house . We have a programmable thermostat , so it is supposed to keep our house at a certain temperature , but it wasn 't working . We have LOTS of windows and vaulted ceilings , so our house heats up quickly . I called our home warranty company to get someone to come and fix it , and they acted like someone would be coming that day . After the upstairs heating up to 97 degrees , I called them back , and they said there was no guarantee when someone would be coming . We finally got in touch with the air conditioning people , and they gave us an appointment for Saturday . We packed up that night and went to stay with friends . Friday , it was even hotter , but we decided to crank up the window unit that we have in our office , and all sleep in there . I went to scrapbook at a friend 's house that night , and when I came home , it was nice and cool in the house . Apparently , we have a reset button on the thermostat , and pressing that made the unPosted by " Mommy , can you clean up the Play - Doh ? " " I didn 't make the mess , so I 'm not cleaning it up . " " Daddy , can you come clean up the purple circles ? " " Alana , why aren 't you watching him ? " Thus goes the story of my life . During the school year , I 'm paid to clean up after fifth - graders . The rest of my life is spent cleaning up after a three - year - old . It 's not very satisfying , because inevitably , there will be a worse mess to clean up in the next few minutes . I just want the house to stay clean for one whole day ! Is that too much to ask ? So , I come from a long line of anal women . We take pride in cleanliness , and have been known to clean up before the housekeepers come , so " they won 't think we 're messy people " . We are also very blunt women . God skipped over me when He was passing out tact , and the things that are on my mind seem to come flying out of my mouth before I can edit them . It presents a sticky situation sometimes , considering I also am unable to lie . It would be so nice sometimes to be able to at least tell a harmless little white lie , but no , I come out with the plain , unvarnished truth . Perhaps that is why my careers in sales and in waitressing didn 't exactly flourish ? |
The shirt I wore to base last Wednesday has this picture on it . Above the picture my shirt say 's : No retreat , no surrender , no compromises . On the back of the shirt it say 's " This is a war . A war of ideas . Live offensively . " Rusty is so sweet to me . Yesterday he ordered me my favorite breadsticks and went and got me some over the counter meds and tucked me into bed . I just love the way he takes care me . I am such a lucky women . I feel like I should be doing something productive , but what you can do ? I don 't want to wake up the whole house . Or do I ? No , it is way to early to have everyone up . So lets see . First thing this morning I had Ryan 's IEP . We only had two major changes that we wanted made . The first thing we wanted was for Ryan to be taught to type . The school system even has these little keyboards that Ryan can type on and then this ketboard plugs into a computer and Ryan can print out all of his work . Well the principle agreed and now Ryan will be learning to type . For years we have been spinning our wheels with Ryan . We have tried every writing program , and he still can 't write . We have tried every math program and this child still can 't do basic math . So now we are moving on and are just going to give Ryan the skills he will need to get by . Today I wanted to finish a quilt , because I need to get some of them quilted . I was almost done when I tried to hurry . I ended up sewing the last two lines wrong . So I had to take it all apart and do it again . That does not even bother me . I am still in my happy place . Today I met a fellow j lander for lunch and we had a blast ! I know that I will be seeing more of her and her son . Amber and this fellow j landers are the same age , so I am sure that they will end up going out and doing something . Rusty was not feeling to good today so he came home early . I am glad that he is home . I think I am just going to go demand that he rub me down . I am still sore from yesterday . Rusty say 's that I am to old to be body surfing . I think he is just jealous that he can 't body surf . LOL I also got a phone call from Iraq today . It looks like all of my boy 's are coming home ! I can 't wait to hold them . I have also gotten word that one of the boys is coming back injured , but they have not told me that . . . . they told Amber and I don 't think I am suppose to know . That 's o . k . I will be right here waiting for him , hurt or not , these are my boys . At 7 : 30 this morning Amber say 's " mom I do not have to work or go to school today . Let 's go to the beach . " I immediately said " let 's do a general clean up and then we can go . " Then it was off to the beach . On our way through base we saw Rusty heading in the other direction . So I called him and we met for lunch . When we got to subway Rusty was waiting on us . So I get out of the car and say " Hey sexy if you don 't mind can I take you to lunch ? " Amber and Sam are use to me , but the marines that were around us looked at Rusty and I funny . I was also wearing a very controversial shirt . That got a lot of looks , but I don 't care . None of the marines dared to say anything to me . By that time we were all hot , so it was body surfing time . I had so much fun out there body surfing . Then we went in and grabbed the boogie boards . The waves were so perfect . I did loose it a few times , and all Amber and Sam could say , " Well it is a good thing you are a great swimmer " . Today reminded me why I love to live in southern California . Sun , sand , and surf . Today was the nice break that I needed . My mind is now clear and I am ready to take on the world . One of the marines called us today and he told us that another should be home this week . So we are just sitting on go . The marine that will be coming home will get back in just enough time to check in , get a few things settled , and go home to see the birth of his first child ! The other night I was so pissed off that I actually washed my car . I never wash my car because I think it is a waste of time , water and energy . I did however discover that the title of my car is right . I do own a white car . Here I was thinking it was black with a lot of dust mixed in . The down side to he car was that I could not find my car in wal mart parking lot . I was looking for a black car and now mine was white . I guess the guys at base will be happy . They wont have to wipe dirt off my windshield to read my decal . This morning at 7 : 30 I fired up the carpet cleaner . Amber just looked at me and said " what are you doing ? " I just looked at her like here is your sign . Once I got the carpets cleaned I started putting all the furniture back . Then I stopped . I put some of the furniture out in the garage and rearranged some stuff . I love the way the house looks now . My question is : Are we dirty people or I am I just to clean ? I feel like I should clean the carpets every month . I wanted to puke when I saw how dirty the water was . So , after I got the carpets cleaned I went to wal mart . I only had to pick up a few things . O . K . now I am a women on a mission . I get to the check out line and low and behold I do not have my wallet . I sent Amber out to the car , but it was not there . My wallet was right where I left it . On the bed ! According to the news we are suppose to have flash floods today . So I was looking around . Nope , not a cloud in the sky . I don 't think we are going to get them . Rusty had a blast at his cigar social last night . I am glad that he has this outlet . Rusty said that he might get off work early today , so I am looking forward to spending some time with Rusty . Even if it us just talking while I clean up the kitchen . Yes it is Monday . So last night a friend called me and said " I have two extra tickets to burning man . Do you want to go . We have the bus packed and you can ride with us . " I wanted to cry . Hell yes I want to go to burning man . I could be packed in no time . Since everyone will be nude I want need much clothing . Then reality hit me and I to turn down everything down . I can 't just pack up and leave . There would be no one here to take care of Ryan . So today I just did stuff around here . I did get a lot of sewing done , and I got Ambers blanket all tied together . So that is one Christmas gift done with . Rusty is out at a cigar social , so he will not be home for dinner . Amber is working , so she wont be home for dinner . So it looks like the rest of us are going to be having left overs . I am just not in the mood to cook . I did finally find someone with a carpet cleaner , so tomorrow I am going to clean the carpets . My life is just so exciting that I can 't stand it ! LOL Last night I finally saw the show Michael Vick . Animal planet did an awesome job ! I am so glad that a rescue group stepped up and took all of the pit bull 's . I can imagine destroying those dogs just because people mistreated them . My mistreated pit is the best dog in the world and I don 't know what I do have I lost him . I swear someday that dog is my sanity . aoljurlAdd , aoljurlAdd _ 1 One the day Amber had her accident with the cat , Rusty came home and was there for Amber . Rusty works with another retired marine and this marine reminded Rusty that this is a big deal to Amber . After all Amber still calls Rusty 's to kill spiders . I love the way Rusty waited up for Amber and gave her a hug and just let her cry . I love the way Rusty just sat on the bed on watched me changed the filter on the cold air return . For years Rusty and I have argued over me doing things like that . Now I got to change the filter without him complaining . I love the way Rusty said nothing to me when I had to turn down tickets to burning man . Rusty knows that I have wanted to go . He knows that I want to run around naked and set things on fire . The dogs are driving me nuts . There are people in the back yard cutting down my sun flowers . . . grrrr . . . and the dogs can 't go out . They so want to go run in their back yard . Tonight I have some running around to do . I need to go wal crap and pick up some material for amber 's blanket . If I get it done now I can put it up for Christmas and that will be one less thing I will have to worry about . I got a phone call from one of the marines and he told me that he will be home soon ! I can 't wait to hold the marines . I also talked to this marines mom and she will be coming down for his home coming . I can 't wait to see her . We always have a good time when we are together . Today I do not have a lot to do . just the general stuff that has to be done everyday . After yesterday I so don 't want any excitement . I do think that I am going to run to Target and see if they still have this shirt that I have been wanting . Now that is excitement at it 's best ! LOL We finally get to the vets office . The vets gave the kitten a once over and she was fine . The vets tried to calm Amber and it worked a little bit . Rusty is like just get over it . I guess when you have taken a human life , killing a kitten is nothing . So Rusty is not being sympathetic . I wish my shrink would answer his phone . I would say " I had no idea what to do . I wrapped the kitten up in a quilt , and I held him as he died . I tried to calm Amber down . We even got the other one checked out and she is fine . How do I get that vision out of Ambers head . Amber has never killed anything before and this is really breaking her up . What else can I do to help my daughter ? " Well , there it is . Greg was getting dressed when I finally showed up with his quilt . I was playing beat the clock because Greg ended up leaving on Tuesday and not Wednesday . Since it has hit the news already I can tell you that he was going to go support another unit , and that unit took heavy causalities yesterday . I had to take two of the kittens into the vets office . It turns out that they have an infection so they are on meds for the next week . The kittens that are sick are very small for their age , but the vet said that once they get weaned that they should start to put on some real weight . The sick kittens are the brown ones . Amber has been keeping me on my toes . Amber did get into an English class that she needed , so I am very happy about that . I was not happy when the only class she signed up for was yoga . Amber got pulled over the night . She made an illegal u turn while coming home from school . I must have taught her well since she got out of the ticket . Amber pushed her boobs up and started crying . She told the officer " I just left my first night of college and I got lost trying to get back to the freeway . Can you please help me . " The cop let her off with a warning ! LOL . I am glad that those big hooters came in handy ! Amber has drained my coffee can . I have a coffee can that I place money in from time to time . Since Amber has screwed around and not gotten her papers filed I have had to pay for college . I told Amber that I WILL be paid back . I should not have to carry her because she did not listen to us . Amber asked me for gas money last night . I am not going to give it to her . She can go take it out of savings . This will teach Amber what savings is for and it show her that her lack of planning will cause her to loose some money . She will get paid on Friday for driving those children to school , but she has class tonight , and no gas . This is Nikki 's diaper bag / school bag . I had to run Nikki around so that she could get her sports physical . I have never had such a run around ! Well , she should be set for this year . I do however like her English teacher . This teacher is having the children take stories out of the news and do some digging on their own . So Nikki is learning that there is more to every story then just what the news shows . I like a teacher that will challenge my child to really think and to make her own conclusions . I got into an argument with a substitute teacher over a form that I wont sign so Ryan can use the computer . Rusty and I talked about it and Ryan is no where near ready to be on the Internet , not to mention that he has no clue what a mouse is , or how to use a computer . The sub said " Would you like to explain to Ryan why he can 't use the computer ? I can put him on the phone . " That was it ! I snapped back " His father and I are his parents and we do not have to clear or explain our actions to our children . " I did find out that the principal at Ryans school has started a special ed gym class . I was so very happy to hear about that . I also found out that since Ryan loves basketball , that we could mainstream him for gym , so that he can play nothing but basketball . I am trying to figure out how Ryan got good at basketball . First of all he is a white boy who can 't jump and his father never played basketball ! LOL Here is my sewing machine and my stash of material . I am so glad that I had that stash , because I did not have any extra money when I needed to make Greg 's quilt . I do still have another quilt to make , because we will have another marine leaving soon . Amber has been asking me to make her a quilt out of Hawaiian material . But yesterday I saw some Hawaiian fleece material , and I think I am going to make a her a tie quilt . I will put that blanket up and give it to her as a Christmas gift . Here is our computer desk . I refinished this desk a few years back . It took me all summer to sand off all the old paint , but it is finally done . I just put a clear coat on to seal the wood . I love the way the desk turned out . Today I am just going to do the usual . I do not have to go anywhere or do anything and I am so looking forward to that . I am so sick of being on the move . Yesterday a neighbor lady stopped by . She needed someone to take her boy 's to school three days a week . So Amber took the job . This lady is going to pay Amber $ 30 a week to take her to school . It is a total of two miles round trip ! That is enough to fill up Ambers car . So now she does not need to wonder how she is going to put gas in her car ! Amber is finally starting to use her head . Last payday I bit the bullet and got all of our bill caught up and current . It feels so good . We can now start putting money back into our savings account . It feels good to be back on our feet . On Friday Rusty is going to take a bed down to a marine . I will be so happy to get it out of the garage ! I will finally be able to get in there and get the garage cleaned up . This will be the last time I offer to let the marines put anything in my garage . I had told the marines that they could store one crate and most of them took advantage of it . Nikki needs to raise $ 200 to go to youth convention . Youth convention is held in San Diego Thanksgiving weekend and there over 3 , 000 teens for southern California that go go to this event . Nikki and I have decided that she is going to have a yard sale to raise the money . I could just give her the money , but I think she should have to work for it . Once the garage is cleaned up we can start gathering stuff . The kittens are doing great ! They think they are big kitties now and they run all over the house and play . They are even starting to stalk ! I just love this age . I was telling Rusty that over the last few months people have given me a lot of material , and that I was not sure what I was going to do with it . Well now I know ! I am going to take those scrapes of material and make some quilts ! I guess to some people they may be weeds . To me they are perfect . They are native to California and they require very little water . Heck , all we see on t . v . are ad 's to conserve water and to plant native California plants . I just wish that people would leave me alone . Rusty really shocked me yesterday . He actually went through his dresser and got rid of a bunch of stuff ! Rusty said that he had finally gotten sick of not being able to put his clothes away . I just wish Rusty would have done this before we moved ! LOL I had a heck of a time trying to wean three of the cat 's . I finally put some wet food down for them and then they ate . What was I thinking ? Silly me thinking that they would drink milk out of a bowl . So I now only have two left on the bottle . I will try to wean them within the next few weeks . Then I found out that next week one of the marines will be leaving . What ? Why is everyone getting orders at the last minute ? This marine does not have a quilt , so I had to get busy and get a quilt done . I should have the quilt done tonight . On Wednesday , Rusty is going to take the marine out to dinner and give him his quilt . I was thinking about going out to dinner with them , but driving all the way down to base just for dinner is not a good use of gas . I explained to him what happened and he said " Are you Jewish ? " I just smiled and said " No my father is the son Irish and my other grandmother lived through the great depression . I was thought to waste nothing " . I have not heard that slang term in a long time . Are you Jewish ? I heard that a lot when I was growing up , and it did not bother me . Now that I am an adult that saying really offends me . Nikki and Ryan are at school . Amber went to a friends house , and Rusty is at work . The babies are sleeping and the dogs are out back ! I am so loving this . I am so in the moment right now . Earlier this summer I bought a diaper bag at a yard sale . I think I gave $ 2 for it . This bag is very stylish and I used it for the beach . Then Amber saw it and she has started taking it to the beach . Then last night Nikki asked me if she could use it as her school bag ! I told her to go for it . Nikki holds her virginity very close to her . She makes it very clear that she will not have sex before marriage . Nikki even wears a shirt that says virginity rocks . And you think my daughter is having sex ? Then I was wondering what the hell . O . K . lets face it . We can 't stop our children from having sex . Oh wait it was the mother from hell that admits to having sex before marriage . So just because she did , she thinks my daughter is putting out ? Silly me . What was I thinking ? I actually expected the school to know these things . No they do not know ! I guess Ryan is just going to wonder around until someone finds him and tells him where to go . I also had this strange notion that I might be able to find out what time Ryan 's bus is coming . Oh no ! That would also be way to easy . So I guess tomorrow I am just going to send this child out the door with no set schedule , no class room and no teacher ? I did find out that o . t . is finally going to be giving him services . The o . t . person told me that Ryan is at the age of a six year old . She also gave me a long list of other things . I was sitting on the other side of the phone thinking . You are preaching to the choir ! I have been bitching about this for years . I know that he is 13 and is only doing stuff that a 6 old does ! So far today I don 't think I have gotten much done . I had to sweep and mop the laundry room floor . I took care of the babies . Oh that is right . I need to get some pictures of them . Lets start with Friday . Nikki went back up to the school on Friday to try to register and they handed Nikki another line of crap . They would not even let Nikki talk to her councilor . I introduced myself and said " My daughter and I have been trying to get her registered since Tuesday . We could not get her i . d . because I did not have the fee money . Then we were told that she could not get her i . d . card unless we pay these fee 's and without the i . d . card she can 't get her classes . We came back today with the money and they told my daughter that she still could not get her i . d . and class because today was makeup day . Then my daughter was told that she could not see her councilor until school started . I would like to know what the students do when they can 't afford to pay the fee 's . Do they just wonder around for a year ? My daughter has to see her councilor so she can get her chemistry changed to ap chemistry , and she needs her i . d . card ! " I felt so much better after I unloaded on her . Then the principle printed Nikki 's classes and made an appointment for Nikki to see her councilor and get her i . d . card . I am telling you the left hand does not know what the right hand is doing ! Amber has waited around for so long that all of the classes that she wants to take are full . On top of that she has been dragging her feet on getting her financial paper work in . I swear these children are going to be the death of me . Also on Friday I got a call from the shelter . They had two more bottle feeders and no foster homes open . I had to really think about this since I have three bottle feeders already . I took them . These two were found in a wood stack . They are so small and malnourished . One of them will make it but we are not sure about the other one . These kittens look like something you see of Animal planet hero 's . They are nothing but skin and bones . I am giving them food and love , so the rest is up to them . Today I am just trying to catch up on everything needs to get done around here . I have gotten most of the house cleaned , and the laundry is still never ending . I m trying to get the black kittens to drink off of a plate , but that is not going to well . I also put a litter pan in their crate . I have sewing to do , and dinner to cook . I discovered that I was bored out of my mind . So I broke out some stuff that I was going to use to make Christmas gift 's . I got them done , so I decided to start on a project that I had been putting off . I went into the garage and located a box of my dad and my father in laws ties . I go back to the kitchen area . Kittens are still sleeping , and I turn on a music channel . Dump the box out on the table and I go put on the kettle . Rusty looks around the room . Tea cups had been glued to saucers , there is a stack of dead men 's neck ties on the table . I am wearing three tie 's and just then my cat tea pot started to moo . Rusty said " your cat is mooing . And if we are in a marriage rut I would hate to see what you will be like in another 20 years . " Today I was once again dealing with the tie . When all of a sudden the chair I was sitting in broke and I went tumbling to the ground . I screamed as I was falling . I am making a scarf out of the old neck ties . This project is turning into a pain in my ass ! I hate sewing on silk . My mom better like this damn scarf ! So here I sit . The babies have been fed several times , the house has been cleaned up , and dinner is in the crock pot . I even survived Nikki 's registration day . Nikki , Ryan and I walked over to the school and to my great surprise registration went fairly smooth . When we got to the part where we had to start to pay the fee 's I told the lady that we could pay them on Friday . The lady said that I HAD to pay them today or that my daughter would not be able to get her schedule . Really , so are you just going to let this child wonder around campus for a year ? I am just suppose to shit out $ 120 ? So we moved onto the next station . That is where we are suppose to pick up Nikki 's schedule , but we couldn 't . So we just asked to look at it . Nikki got into advanced geometry , and chemistry , but was so disappointed that she did not get into advanced placement world history . For whatever reason they would not let her not take a lunch . GRRR We ended up at Wal mart . I hate that store . There are to many people there . I told Nikki that I had $ 30 to spend on Tennis shoes . We did good and were able to get two pairs of shoes ! What ? yes that is where they go but , I know that there was someone out there that could use them . So I told them to stack the boxes and just put them in the driveway . I have also placed an ad for all of my used body butter containers . I have a few people who want them . So I guess who ever gets here first gets them . Last night someone gave me a box of material . I went through it and then piled it all back in the box . The box had a lot of t shirt material . I do not usually sew with t shirt material . Today I went through the box again . The t shirt material is very boyish . That works because I still have two baby boy blankets that I still need to get done . There was also a lot of upholstery material in the box . I will have to think on how to use it . I am sure that I will come up with something . On my list today is the dinning room and the living room that we never use . I know . If we never use them then why I am I cleaning them ? I am cleaning them because . . . . I don 't know why . We have a roll top desk and another dresser in these rooms . I think I am going to go take everything out of the drawers and put it all in a box for a yard sale . I have not seen the stuff since the last move , so it is time to get rid of it . Sunday while we were at the exchange Rusty found the sees candy display . He found a box of their suckers and had to buy it . O . K . whatever . He said that his mom use to buy them for him when he was little . Well I am now hooked on them ! The cafe latte sucker is the best . I love the taste of coffee in a sucker ! Nikki has been having softball tryout 's . I know that she will make the team , but I am just wondering what position she will play . Nikki usually plays first base , but I think the junior varsity team already has a first basemen . The foster kittens are getting so big . I will have to charge up the camera and take some more pictures of them . I am so amazed at how fast they grow . I don 't know why I am amazed , after all it is the same with every litter . I have not heard from George in several day 's . The last time she was up here George started complaining to Rusty . Rusty just told George to grow up and suck it up . After all she is the one that signed on the dotted line . So I guess she is pouting . For whatever reason I can 't really find the time to care to much . Last night I finally got to have my husband to myself . I kicked the animals off the bed and locked the door . Finally so alone time with my husband . I swear I was beginning to think that alone time was over with . Last week I made stir fry for dinner . I had made it in so long , so I broke out thewok . Rusty loved it and asked me to make it more often . So Yesterday I went to the store and bought a ton of fresh vegi 's and made chicken stir fry . I had to laugh as I was making it . I can put any fresh vegi 's in a stir fry and Rusty will eat it . But if I put squash in front of him any other time he would not eat it . Well I need to get back to my cleaning . And yes I would be happy if we lived in a house with nothing in it . Just think how easy that would be to clean ! After we dropped all the stuff off at the store we went to the exchange so we could get a few items . As we were walking up to the exchange a bus load of soldiers and sailors showed up . What was that about ? Now the exchange is packed . I go and grab the one item I wanted and I am watching Rusty walk around looking at everything else . That is when I noticed all of the younger crowd getting out of Rusty 's way and saying " excuse me sir " . I looked at Rusty like a deer looks at headlights . Then I saw his cap . He was wearing a ball cap that said retired marine . Oh take that hat off ! He was making us look old ! LOL Once we got home Nikki and I went over to our friends Deb house to get some butcher paper so we could make a welcome home banner . The banner turned out so cute ! Deb 's granddaughters helped us color it and they even got to sign the banner . It was nice to spend some time with the girls . Even if it was just a car ride down to base . On our way through base we went by the main parade deck . no one was there , so we went into the duty 's office . They knew that a load of ammo was coming in , but they had no idea that people were on that flight . SURPRISE ! So the very nice marines tried to find out where we were suppose to go , but they had no luck , so we headed for the main gate . The main gate is blocked off ? Well what the heck is that about . After several wrong turns and going the wrong way on some way roads we finally got close to the main gate . So we get out of the car and start walking toward the m . p . 's . The m . p . 's met half way . I explained that we had a friend coming in and that we were looking for the parade deck . Those two stupid m . p . s sent us back across the base ! We also met four other marines corps brats that were waiting for their loved one . These children were so much fun ! They helped us hold the flags and the welcome home banners . Nikki and I were sitting on the curb waiting for the busses . Another family came over to join us . A young man I am guessing in is mid 20 's came and sat between Nikki and I . I asked him what his name was and he told me that his name was Nick and that his sister was coming home . I asked Nick if is sitter was his little sister or big sister . Nick said that his sister was little . Nicks mom said no . But Nick was right his sister was little . . . . littler them him ! After everyone welcomed home their loved ones I went and found Nick . I asked him if he found his sister and if she was safe . Nick just smiled and gave me a really big bear hug . Amber just walked in and turned down Nickleback ! She said I am so sick of you blaring this every morning . Well it is 9 : 00 so get your ass out of bed ! Just to rub it in I started playing icp the mom song . There 's nothing like rap music in the morning . I figured out what more of my problem is . My lack of adult conversation . I have been hoping that my daughters would provide it . I am being unfair to them . I should not expect them to provide me with some adult conversation when they have a life of their own . We have raised the girls to be independent , so now me wishing they would spend everyday here with me just so I can have someone to talk to is very selfish . I found out yesterday that Ryan 's friend will be moving in less then a month . That would figure . I knew it was to good to last . However , Ryan 's friends old sister came down yesterday . She was telling me that the family she babysits for is in need of a new sitter and for someone to take their daughter to school . I TOLD Amber that she was going to take this girl to school . The mom is willing to pay Amber and it is only 2 miles round trip . I am thinking that is gas money for Amber . Nikki said that she would pick up some of the babysitting hours . Today I got a very strange e mail . Remember that charity that I use to work for ? Well one of the chicks that I use to work with me sent me an e mail that said " are you still out there ? " I must wonder what she wants . This gal never screwed me over but I will still be guarded whenwe talk . After all she id not help me when I was thrown to the wolves . I actually have to get dressed today . That sucks . I have to go pay our rent . Amber said that she was going to pay for her half of the smog test , so IF she actually follows through I will have to go with Amber to get her car smogged . I am a stay at home mom . I am also married to a veteran and he is the love of my life . I keep it real here and I hold nothing back . My life is a roller coaster ride , so strap on your seatbelt . . . . here we go ! |
As most of you know , I have been seeing a PT for my back and for hip bursitis . She has suggested that I stop running for a bit . She knows my plans to run the Philly Marathon , which will take place November 2013 . Just under a year away now . She says that will not be a problem if I listen to her . She has a plan to get me healthy and hopefully pain free . I need to strengthen my core . Basically , I am a weakling and have been for a long time . This needs to change . I ran two miles just the other day , and my hips immediately hurt . Not the kind of hurt that stops you , just an annoying kind of hurt . I had not run in 20 days and apparently that wasn 't long enough . I am mad an frustrated but I will listen to the doc and step up my cross training . So here we go , 2013 . First and most importantly . Get healthy and strong . Do this so I can run for many more years to come . Do this so I can run the Philadelphia Marathon . Now , I did sign up for 13 in 2013 . I still feel this can be done , but most of the races I do will be in conjunction with my marathon training . Did you sign up for this challenge ? Let me know so we can cheer each other on . Ok , now on to New Year 's Eve ! This is my favorite night of the year . New Years in Philadelphia is a really big deal , especially if your father is a mummer . There is nothing like it and I am sorry , you can read about it , but words won 't give you the true feeling of what the New Year 's Day Mummers Parade is all about . When I moved from Philly , ( sniff , sniff ) I was so surprised that the rest of the country did not have something big for New Years Day . I have always been so disappointed about this . Since having kids , Mr . RWM and I have had a party on New Year 's Eve . This will be year number 7 for us . I have food and drinks , and kids are welcome . This way we still get to ring in the New Year without having to worry about sitters or driving . Our kids get to party till they pass out and we get to enjoy the company of our friends . I love it and can 't wait till everyone gets here . Last year , on New Years Day , I did a Polar Bear Plunge for the first time . It was really cool but boy was it cold . I may or may not do it again this year . I am still on the fence , but this may have to be my new New Years Day tradition . What do you all think ? Ok , so tell me how you ring in the New Year . Have you ever done a Polar Bear Plunge ? What are some of your 2013 goals ? Have you run the Philly Marathon ? Any suggestions for a hotel ? Ok , that 's about it . It was fun and I hope you thought so to . Feel free to let me know if you do one so I can read it . Run Strong , Think Big ! This morning my daughter had her Christmas play / service at her preschool . My son went there for two years and now my daughter is in her second and last year . Kindergarten for our littlest next year . How did that happen ? I was very excited about today . She had been practicing the songs that they were planning on singing , and today when I saw the program , I found out that she was playing the part of Mary . This thrilled me ! Unfortunately , Mr . RWM had to miss it . This is not the first thing he has missed and it won 't be the last . Usually , I am good with it , but for some reason , I was having a hard time dealing with it today . It was a lovely morning and my little girl did an excellent job . I snapped lots of pictures , but screwed up with the video and , well , there isn 't one . Can 't even tell you how bummed I am . From there , we headed over to Kidzone for our Moms Club Christmas Party . Again , this will be the last one we attend . I joined this group when my son was 4 months old . It has played a huge part in my life and I will miss these little playgroups . We were having a great time , when we heard about the shooting in CT . No real details at that time , only that it was a school . When I got home and turned on the news , I was devastated . I felt sick . I lost it . I don 't need to tell you what happened or link you to a web site . You , I am sure , are feeling just as sick as I am . When I thought about my son at school , my first reaction was to go and get him . After a moment though , I knew that was not the right thing to do . I did , however , pick him up instead of having him take the bus home . He was excited to see us and I just said , " Happy Friday ! " He loved it ! Once in the car , I asked them to pick where they would like to have dinner and then we were going to go home , put our pajamas on and watch a movie . We headed to the Mews which has great burgers and 69 beers on tap . Nice choice kids ! Dinner was great ! My kids and I just sat and talked about their day , what was good , what was bad . They dug the music that was playing and even danced in their seats a bit . We laughed and enjoyed every minute . It was exactly what I needed and I will never forget it . At home we chose the movie Brave . Then we read books and I put them to bed . I hugged and kissed them good night , I tucked them in and told them how much I loved them . I got hugs and kisses back and was told how much they love me . This is how every parents night should end . I cannot even imagine what is happening in the homes of those families tonight . And honestly , I don 't think I really want to know . Tears , anger , questions , just to name a few . And those poor babies who lost their lives today . Scared , wanting their mommies and daddies . It is killing me to think about it . I am not writing this to upset anyone . I am writing because it helps me , just a little . Those of you who blog , know what I mean . I will never understand why things like this happen and I am sure you won 't either . The only thing I can do is pray for the victims and their families . I can hold my children and do everything in my power to keep them safe . But here is the thing , school is supposed to be safe and I think ours is , but I bet every one of those parents thought their kids were safe too . So , I will end with this . My son has this book called the Dude Diary . He has not been able to put it down . There is a section for him to write his own story and at our super cool dinner tonight he started to write it and I had to share it with you . These are his exact words , title and all . Hope it helps you smile . After I finished the Jingle Bell 5k last weekend , my son , who is 7 , asked if he could join me on my next run . I , of course said yes , but didn 't think he was too serious . Today , after going to church and lunch , he said to me , " Can we run now ? " Mr . RWM wasn 't home yet , so I dug out the jogging stroller . This has been buried in the garage for quite some time . It was dusty , and I can 't even tell you how many spiders have made it their home . Yuck ! I cleaned it up , got us water and we set out . For 10 seconds . It was here that I realized the tires were flat . Seriously , I thought . It is taking us longer to get moving than I was sure we would run . Elaine was heading out but said I could use her jogger . Great , we headed to her house . What seemed like forever later , we finally started to run . My son took off , which I expected . I explained to him that going that fast was just gonna burn him out . Plus , mommy is pushing a stroller with a 4 year old in it ! It has been a really long time since I had to do that . He slowed down to a nice pace . We were running a circle that was a half mile starting and ending at Elaine 's . It didn 't take long for him to ask me how far we had gone . Yup , son , just . 03 miles . He had thought we had gone much further . Too funny . This is when I thought he was almost done . Boy was I wrong . We made it back to our starting point and he wanted to keep going . Sure , why not . The second time around , he sped up just a bit and ran mostly in front of me . I didn 't mind . I really liked watching him . He looked back and smiled at me , a lot . I couldn 't get enough of it . Back at Elaine 's he grabbed some water and kept going . I asked him how he felt and he was fine . He found his groove and he was smiling . What more does one want ? Every time we ran the loop , we had to interrupt a small basketball game . A dad and his three sons . The third time we passed by them , the dad told me how impressed he was that my guy was still running . I am pretty sure my smile was so bright it blinded him . When we rounded the corner we saw his best bud and he wanted to run with us . This thrilled my son and he helped us finish up the last of our run . I am happy to report that my son ran for two miles ! 2 . 14 to be exact and it was the best run ever ! I was so proud of him and he was so excited too ! He was smiling and jumping up and down and he couldn 't wait to tell everyone . He wants to run again and he even said he would like to do the next 5k with me . Most likely the next 5k will be February 3 . It is called the Super 5k and it is the same course that I just PR ' ed on . It is a perfect first time race as it is flat and fast . Today , my son totally put the mommy into Running While Mommy . He inspired me and warmed my heart . He had fun and to me , that is what running is all about . It was nice to have that little reminder . You can learn so much from your kids . They are excited by life and all that is new . Things that we may think don 't matter are huge to them . We need to stop and look and see what it is that amazes them . We just might be amazed too . We need to slow down , take a deep breath and just take it all in . My son ran today and he didn 't need music or even much conversation . He just ran , smiled , looked around and smiled some more . Trust me when I say , that I am not giving up music or running with friends . But , how my son felt today does not just apply to running . We can use that everyday in all that we do , especially , this time of year . There is so much hustle and bustle going on , and I have always hated it . You will think I am crazy , but I look at Christmas shopping the same way I look at grocery shopping . I make a list , go to the store and that is it . Seriously , that is it . After we were home , I asked my little guy what he thought about his run . He said he loved it and it was fun but he didn 't like the first few minutes . Yup , that about sums it up every time we run , doesn 't it ? I told him I was proud of him and that I hoped we would do it again . " Of course we will mommy ! " , is what he said . Big smile on this mama 's face ! If you run with your kids , I would love to hear all about it . Let me know how you keep them from burn out and getting bored . The excitement my son showed today was awesome and I don 't want to over do it and make him not like running . Sunday , I ran my last race of the year , the Jingle Bell 5k . This race is part of the Festival of Lights that my town has to kick off the Christmas season . It is usually run on the beach , but Hurricane Sandy was not kind to us here in Narragansett , so it was moved to the road . This was not a bad thing for me . I am not a fan of beach running , plus I was familiar with the course they changed it to . A flat and fast course . This is a festive race and people dress up . I decided that an elf would suit me . I had the hat and the socks . I found a red tech shirt and met a women who makes tutus . I asked her to make me a red and green one and voila , I was an elf . As an added bonus , I had my nails painted red and green . Mr . RWM and the kids were there too and that just thrilled me to pieces ! One , because I had a cheering section and two , because I had a photographer . Thanks Babe ! I actually had a goal for this race and it wasn 't just to finish . I wanted very much to finish in 33 minutes . My best 5k time up to this point was 34 : 50 . I started out a little faster than my usually speed and at first , thought I should slow down . I didn 't . The temperature was perfect , I had friends just ahead of me and some rocking tunes . I felt good . At the half way point though , my stomach started to hurt . This is the third run in a row that this has happened . I don 't know why . I haven 't changed anything as far as eating and drinking is concerned . What are your thoughts ? I pushed through and stayed strong . Right before I hit the 3 mile marker , I saw Mr . RWM and the kids . There is nothing better than to have your very own cheering section . I was fueled when I saw them and took off . When I rounded the corner and saw the clock , I was shocked ! It read , 31 and change . I was not going to let the clock tick away to 32 without me crossing first . I ran as strong and as fast as I could and my official time was 31 : 49 , which is a 10 : 15 pace ! This is a 3 : 01 PR ! Woohoo ! ! ! We headed over for water and snacks and they had an awards ceremony . Then they had those of us who dressed up , come up and to be judged . I had a little competition . There was a tree that was just awesome ! However , there weren 't that many of us competing , so we all got a prize . I got a gift card to Pier Liquors , yeah me ! So why lucky number 13 ? Well , this was my 13th race since I started running . My first race , was 13 months ago . It was a 5k and I finished in 35 : 35 . Nice , right ! This time last year , I published this post . Take a look at it . It 's not my best work but it is real . My very first race ! I wrote that because I was excited about this journey that I was on and I didn 't want to forget anything . I am notorious for being forgetful . I have traveled all over the world but can 't tell you every place I have been . Sad , right ? So , I sat down and started writing about how I felt about running and being a wife and mother . I wasn 't sure if anyone would read and at that time , I didn 't really care . Just wanted to have a journal that keep me motivated and accountable . Before starting my blog , I didn 't even know what a blog was . I just googled the word " running " and tons of stuff came up . Things about shoes , races , GPS 's , and blogs . I clicked on the first blog , read through it and then looked for more . I was motivated by these runners who had put it all out there and I felt the call to start Running While Mommy to motivate others as well . I have come a long way since then . At that time , my longest distance was 4 miles . Since then I have run two half marathons and ten smaller races , plus one more this coming Sunday for a total of 13 races . Wow ! Honestly , I thought that once I finished the Newport Bridge race the first time that I would be done . Now , I plan to run it every year . I have also lost 19 pounds since I started running . This I did not expect , but it is awesome . With the weight loss and the training , I have also hit 10 and change miles . I was a pretty consistent 12 minute mile pace runner and am now trying to PR at my last race of the year . My best 5k time to date is , 34 : 50 . I think I can do it Sunday , although , I will be dressed as an elf and I just hope the costume doesn 't get in the way of that . LOL And , by the way , I am not downing those who run at a 12 minute mile pace . I think any pace is great as long as you are moving and doing what you love to do . And , the longer I run , it seems the slower I go , so I know I will still see those numbers in my splits again . One of the other surprises this year , is how awesome the blogging / running community is . I have met friends virtually and in person who I absolutely love ! And I wish I could meet all of you . You all have a special place in my heart but there a couple who I want to give a shout out too . I also have to give a huge shout out to my Tough Chiks and Sweet Pink Ambassadors . These ladies have been there for me through the good and the bad and I love every single one of them ! I wasn 't sure how I would like being a part of an online community , but this works . It is motivating , I get great advice and have made a few friends . Who knew ! ? So how does one celebrate their blogs birthday ? Well with a run of course ! Just a quick one today , two miles . I had some struggles with my run today . My GPS was not working and after the first mile , my Pandora stopped also . Plus , it was drizzling . The drizzle is usually not a problem but I was without my favorite running hat which would of kept the drops off my glasses . Not being able to see , was the turning point for me . But despite all that , I had a great time reflecting about this last year and how far I have come . I also thought about so many of you and how far you have come . The motivation , the advice and the pics we share with each other is why I am looking forward to another year of Running While Mommy . We had to drive almost an hour to Lincoln RI , which is where Rock Spot is located . Once there , we had to sign a waiver and I was given shoes and a harness . The shoes felt weird . I hooked up for the first time using an auto belay and barely made it 3ft off the ground . This was harder than I thought . I know I have a lot of work to do on my upper body strength , but wow , this was a big slap in the face . Kathy told me that I need to use my legs more and to get closer to the wall . I did and got a little higher and came down . I wanted to see how they did it and then I would try again . Of course , they made it look easy . Once they climbed a bit , Kathy hooked me up and she was my belay . This time I got higher but I was not a fan of the coming down part and decided I was high enough . Kathy was trying to tell me how to come down , but I couldn 't wrap my head around it . She had me , but I still panicked and twisted around and banged my back into the rock wall . Ouch ! I got up faster and a bit higher but still couldn 't relax enough to just glide down . Now for those of you who have been reading a while , know , I am the same person who jumped out of a plane at 10 , 000 ! For some reason , my mind was messing with me . I made it down and by this time , my arms were getting really sore . The shoes at this point were killing me and I couldn 't wait to take them off . I did climb a little bit more , really just trying to get the going down part right . What is wrong with me ? Why can 't I just trust that I am not falling to my death and everything is cool ? I have to do it again so I can do it right . I now need to prove to myself that I can do it and not panic . Rock Spot is adding a location very close to my home and I do plan on taking the family there . I am pretty sure my son will love it ! On a funny note , today only my daughter and I made it to church . When I got there , I was asked to carry up the pledge cards and say a blessing . Since it was just the two of us , I said she could come up with me . When I was saying the blessing , she was hugging my legs and had her hands a little under my dress . For some reason , she decided to quickly raise up her hands and along with them , my dress . Yes , my sweet little angel , flashed my business in front of the whole church . Awesome . I am not one to embarrass easily , but that was crazy embarrassing ! I had some lovely comments after the service saying that I handled it beautifully . That is nice to hear because I am pretty sure I turned the color of a tomato . Next sunday , I am running a Jingle Bell 5k . I have plans to dress as an elf but am having a little trouble getting my outfit together . Don 't worry , whatever I decide there will be tons of pictures . Any suggestions for running as an elf ? Well , it 's here . The start of the holiday season . I know some people and retail stores would have you think it starts the same time as Halloween , but for the RWM household it started Wednesday when my son got off the bus . The last two weeks here , I had my parents visiting . They were only staying about 5 days when my dad got sick and ended up in the hospital , twice . Originally , I was planning to have Thanksgiving at their new home but he got out of the hospital so close to Thanksgiving and is still recovering , so we had it here . Wednesday morning , my daughters preschool had a Thanksgiving Breakfast with a silent auction and raffle , plus the kids put on a little show . It was a really nice morning and for the first time , both sets of grandparents were able to attend one of my kids school functions ! Little Miss ready for her Thanksgiving Preschool Breakfast Later that afternoon , we had some apps and drinks and my parents , Mr . RWM 's parents and a friend , her husband and son came by to start the celebration . This , to me , will be one of the highlights of the season but there was on thing missing . Mr . RWM ! I can 't even describe to you how bad I felt that he missed such a joyous occasion . Growing up , this was normal for me . Both sides of the family were together for big and small events . But , we are here in RI and our parents are in NJ and NC . Not the ideal situation , but we are making it work . Back to Wednesday night . I ate all the wrong foods and had a couple drinks . Not the ideal meal the night before a race . I was not preregistered for the Newport Pie Run and went to bed exhausted and thinking that sleeping in would be the right thing to do . After about 20 minutes of thinking and not sleeping , I set my alarm . Funny , but I fell asleep as soon as I did that . Once there , I registered , and did the usual pre race things , like stretch and use the bathroom . I knew two people running and looked for them . Bethany was the first one I saw . Now let me tell you , a year makes a world of difference ! Last year at this time , I had only been running four months . My longest distance was just 4 miles . And my friend Bethany , was hurt doing one of those obstacle type races . She has never missed this Pie Run so I offered to push her in a wheelchair . This race is a 5 mile road race and 3 mile walk . And , yes , you get a pie at the finish . Our friend MB , picked me up and we met Bethany there . MB and I took turns pushing Bethany while we walked the three miles . It was fun and I think the three of us had a great time ! Well , that did not work out as well as I thought it would . As soon as we started to move , my headphones got tangled in my ponytail and it took me a minute to straighten it out . Jenn was gone by the time I got it worked out and by then , I was on my own . This is not a huge race , but not the smallest I have run either . I was never really alone and that was good . About a half mile in , my stomach turned sour . Maybe the last beer or a combination of that and the cheese and pepperoni plate from the night before . Hmmm . . . Luckily , there were plenty of fun things to look at . A running turkey , an indian , Batman and Robin and many turkey hats . Plus we ran past one of the Newport Beaches and well , you know me , I love to run by the beach . There were tons of surfers out yesterday morning and that was cool too . One of the things I noticed about this race , is that it truly is a family affair . Kids of all ages were being pushed in strollers , walking and even running with their parents and even a few grandparents . I loved it ! I hope , to do this with my family . I know my kids would like it , but Mr . RWM , not so much . I have a year to work on him though . I was thinking that I would finish the race between 53 and 55 minutes . Once I got my hair tangled and my stomach started to hurt , I was doubtful that I would see those numbers . I had been running 10 : 29 miles up until race day and my first mile was 11 : 19 . Shoot ! At mile three , there was a water stop and I didn 't start to feel better until after that . In mile four , there was a hill , and yes , I still dislike hills . I made it up fine and cruised in mile 5 . I don 't have my splits but I think this was my best mile . I finished in 54 : 41 . I was happy to finish under 55 and now I am pretty sure , if I feel well , I can PR in my next five mile race . I saw Bethany at the finish and we chatted for a bit and snapped a pic . Her husband placed third in his age group . Congratulations Mr . Bethany ! Once I got home , I walked into a little chaos . I had made cranberry sauce and apparently did not put the lid on correctly . When Mom opened the fridge it fell out and exploded all over her and my kitchen ! I missed most of the mess but my poor mom was covered in sauce and had cleaned my whole fridge . I felt awful that she had to go through that . But my fridge looks awesome ! Thanks mom ! Some of the cranberry sauce was saved and after the cleanup we sat and had some coffee . The house smelled wonderful and my kids were so very excited about eating turkey . We had a wonderful dinner and all in all , it was a great Thanksgiving . This year we gave thanks that my dad was well and with us . That we are healthy , had food on our table and a home to keep us warm . We missed Mr . RWM , but this is the life of a Pilot and his wife and kids . We take it as it comes and make it work the best way we can . I hope your Thanksgiving was wonderful ! Did you race ? How was it ? Today , I ran 4 miles in 45 : 01 . After every run , I post my miles , time and how I felt in Daily Mile . When I looked at my stats today , it read 608 miles for the year . Wow ! This is pretty cool . I never dreamed that I would see those kind of numbers , especially , after being sidelined in the beginning of the year . I seem to always make big goals for myself at not so great times . I am thinking that Thanksgiving and Christmas and just your average getting things done for the Holidays is going to make this goal tough . But I am a Tough Chik , right ? So lets do this ! 700 miles by December 31 , 2012 . Let 's hear some of your goals . Did you set one for the year ? Are you close to accomplishing it ? How many miles have you run this year so far ? What kind of app do you use to track your miles ? Now , I have heard of these and read a few blogs about them . It seems people really enjoy these types of races , but I am not sure if I am one of those people who would . Now , having said that , I never thought I would run either . Basically , a team of 12 people in two vans , take turns running a total of 200 miles over the course of two days . Now , when I first read Andy 's message , my first thought was , " no way . " As the day went on and the more I thought about it , I started to think to myself , " why not ? " No really , you work as a team , decorate your van , wear costumes if you like and give yourself a fun team name all while running which is what I love to do . I am sure all the good and the bad combined will make for a great memory . Don 't you agree ? So why am I writing this now when the race is a year a way ? Well , because it is you who I look to for advice . After finishing the Nike Half , it was clear to me that a marathon is in my future . I am pretty sure it will be the Philly Marathon , which will be in November next year . So , how many of you have done one ? What did you like / not like about it ? What did you think about running at night alone ? Were you really alone or were there other runners from different teams around you ? Anything else you want to share ? When I started running , July 2011 , I wasn 't sure if participating in races was going to be my thing . Soon after the first time I laced up , I saw an add for the Newport Bridge run . You actually got to run over the Newport Bridge ! I just knew I had to do it . My goal when I started running , was to complete a 5k and , I thought , I would be done . The distance for the bridge last year was 4 . 2 miles . Well , just like that , my goal was increased by 1 mile . My good friend and new running buddy , Kathy had registered while I was on vacation . I was so happy to hear that she wanted to do this race . For Kathy , this would be her first race ever ! I was so proud to be able to do it with her . Packet pick up this year was an improvement from last year . This year , they had four different days and locations to pick up your number and shirt and one of them was just a few minutes from my house . I was in and out in less than 5 minutes and psyched to have number 2407 in my hands . Based on when you registered was how they assigned you a shuttle time . Kathy and I were lucky to have the 5am shuttle . ( that 's my sarcastic voice ) At 4 : 30 , Kathy was at my house and we were on our way . It was dark and cold , but not as cold as I thought it would be , just like last year . Must be the adrenaline . I parked in the same spot as last year which was the finish line , or so I thought . We walked over to the shuttle and got on right away . Once off the bus , we headed over to the tent where they had coffee , hot cocoa and water . We used the porta potty and stretched and met up with our friend Tara . I was so happy to be running with such great friends ! We lined up , sang the National Anthem and then the gun went off . It took about 2 minutes for us to cross the start line . Once we were off , I started to warm up pretty quick , which I needed . It was cold standing around for an hour in the dark near the water . Once we rounded the corner and ran through the tolls , the sun was coming up . Man , it was beautiful . We were also at the bottom of the hill and this is a killer hill . I knew Kathy did not have much hill training and I wasn 't sure about Tara . Me , well , I just ran a half marathon in San Francisco . I am not the best hill runner , but I knew I could do it . I was happy to see the three of us trucking up that hill like it was an everyday occurrence . They both did a fantastic job and for me it was a huge improvement from the year before when I walked up most of it . Woohoo ! ! ! At the top we stopped for a pic . Again , it was such a beautiful morning and I just didn 't want to run past it . The view of Rhode Island from the top of the bridge is spectacular and I needed a moment to look around and just take it all in . We cruised down the hill , which was fun . I was thirsty at this point and was happy to see the water stop . I also knew that we were close to the finish . However , where I thought we would go straight , we turned . Hmmm . . . the course is different this year . I looked at all the race stuff but didn 't pay much attention to the course just assuming that it was the same as last year . It wasn 't long after that , that we heard the music . The crowd support picked up which was nice and then I saw the finish line . It was in a different place than last year , not that it matters , I just didn 't pay attention to this change . Last year , I finished in 50 minutes . This year , I knew I would do better . When I saw the clock all I saw was 47 : xx and I sprinted to the finish . I did not want to see the number 48 ! It looked like 47 : 58 when I crossed but I wasn 't sure . I turned quickly hoping to see Kathy cross the finish , but Kathy and Tara were right behind me ! Woohoo , they finished a second behind me . Great job Ladies ! We got our water and talked to a few people . Most of them we knew from somewhere or another . It was great to hear how much fun people had . Kathy and I headed home and Tara went to the Brick Alley Pub for the party . I was sorry to miss this , but my Dad has been sick and I needed to get to the hospital to see him . ( all is good and he will be fine ) When I looked at my GPS , it read 4 miles . This was another change that I didn 't notice . I knew I had PR ' ed for a race that is 4 . 2 miles and when I got home and updated my Facebook page that is what I told everyone . My official finish time for the bridge was 45 : 05 . Not bad considering the hill and a stop for pictures . Plus , I was running with friends and I had intended to stay with them and see them finish . It was important for me to do that , especially since it was a first time for one of them . That is why I run . I know I can improve but I don 't really run to win anything . I want to be happy and healthy and if I can motivate someone to do the same , than it is all worth it . Kathy wasn 't a runner before but she said , I have inspired her . Tara has been a runner on and off and I think it is more on than off now . I am thrilled to be able to run with her . And honestly , they inspire me , you all do . This race once again proved to be an incredible experience and I highly recommend it . Walkers are welcome and there were plenty of them . Don 't let the early start dissuade you . It will all be forgotten when you start to run and see the sun rise in front of you , especially , if you are with friends . And of course , when you cross the finish line , you will feel like you can do anything ! I guess , I am still getting back to normal after two trips in one month . Our house survived the hurricane while we were away , thank God . We were lucky , but so many weren 't . My run yesterday was really good . The weather was perfect but my back is acting up . I hope it is ok for Sunday . The Bridge race is one of my favorites . Last years inaugural race was my second race ever . It was a race that I knewI had to do . It is 4 . 2 miles and I finished in something like 50 minutes . I have come a long way since then and I am sure I will finish in less time , even if I take a minute to snap a pic at the top of the bridge . It is such a beautiful sight and I don 't want to just run past it . Last year , I got to run it with one my best friends . She came in from Ohio just to run with me . This year I will miss Barb , but I will be running with some very special friends and I am really looking forward to that . Ok , so that 's it , nothing much , but I just wanted to say hi and let you know that I am still out there . My next post will be the Bridge recap and my blog facelift should be done . I am excited to share it with you . Tell me about your upcoming races and how you weathered the storm . Are you voting ? Did you dress up for Halloween ? Were you supposed to run NY ? Thoughts ? My alarm was set for 4 : 30 am . I was up at 3 : 45 . This was not really a bad thing . I had plenty of time to eat , use the bathroom , get dressed and even turn on the TV for a moment . I was the first of our group in the lobby but it was full of TNT participants and the excitement in the room was awesome ! We headed outside to start walking to our corral . It was dark and a little chilly . The streets were already crowded with people . We walked up a few blocks to where we had to be . There were more than enough porta potties and tables with water and NUUN . I ran into my friends from Rhode Island and we were able to snap a pic and wish each other luck . Some of the RI crew . About 30 minutes before the race , Nike staff lead us in a warm up . It was done with cool music and a guy up on a stage to show us what to do . We stretched , kicked and jumped up and down to get the blood moving . It was fun . I was hanging onto my bag because it was dark but I wanted to change to my sunglasses before we started to run . I waited to the last minute because I was sure the sun would be coming out . I switched my glasses and dropped my bag at the gear check . I headed back to my group , looking ridiculous in my shades . Eric , Patricia and I were the only ones doing the half . We wished everyone luck and headed to the 12 + corral . I was placed in the one before that but I wanted to stick with Patricia and Eric . The rest of the group were all doing the full and were in the corral before us . After the National Anthem , the race started . It was really slow moving and it took us 30 minutes to get across the start line . The crowd support was really good at the start . People were cheering and holding great signs . Well , great except for one . Come on Dude ! It isn 't funny or original to have a sign that says , " Almost there " at . 03 miles . It didn 't take long for me to have to use the bathroom . I am guessing the extra 30 minutes getting to the start messed with me . At the end of mile one , I ran into a porta potty . I was in and out in a jiffy . When I came out I didn 't see Patricia . I wasn 't ' sure if she went ahead or was waiting for me . I took off and headed for my first hill . I was getting nervous thinking that she might be waiting for me . I pulled to the side to look down the hill for her . I didn 't see her . I kept going and caught up to Eric . He said he didn 't see her either . Eric and I ran at the same pace and I was enjoying it . It wasn 't dark anymore but there was no sun . The fog was thick and my glasses were fogged up . I was getting so annoyed and I hadn 't even hit 3 miles yet ! It never occurred to me to carry a tissue with me to wipe my glasses . Lesson learned ! It wasn 't too much longer after that when we found Patricia . The three of us were together again for a little while . The crowd had died down a bit . For some reason , I was expecting more people cheering us on . We passed a choir signing to us , which was really cool and a few stops with music and dancers . There was also cheerleaders from some of the local schools . Most of the crowd support came form the TNT staff and although I kept my eyes out for the RI crew , I never saw them . At the bottom of the third hill , I was a little taken back . The hill was huge and it was curvy . I stopped at the bottom and looked up , wow ! I pictured myself at the top and started running . I was really slowed down by the walkers though . I was surrounded by them and found it hard to weave in and out of them . They were walking 5 + across and paid no attention to the runners trying to get around them . Top of one of the hills . At the top of that hill , I stopped to look out at the Golden Gate Bridge , which I couldn 't see because of the fog and I also looked down the hill for Eric and Patricia . I had lost them again . Bummer . The next few miles I ran alone but here is the interesting thing . I never used my iPod . I just ran taking in all the sights and sounds and I really loved it . The longest I had ever run without music before was just 4 miles . Here I was on my way to 13 and I didn 't even want it . Nike had really cool signs along the way , all of them motivating . It wasn 't until I saw the Run Fearless sign that I stopped . I just had to have a pic of me in front of that one . Lucky for me , one of the girls in front of me agreed to snap my picture . From there , I headed to a table that said bra exchange . Hmmn , that is interesting . When I got there , all the bras were gone , but I am thinking I wouldn 't of changed anyway . I love what I was wearing and I would of hated to find out that the new one did not work for me . There were water and NUUN stops every two miles and I was so glad I brought my own fuel . I got a little spoiled at the Ocean 's Run with all the gels and snacks that they had at every mile . I did enjoy the Orange Mile . The oranges tasted so good . After that stop , I used the PP again , and this time , there was a line . Once in line though , Eric caught up and was just a few people behind me . We ran together after that . One of the things I was looking forward to was the Chocolate Mile . This was supposed to be a stop with Ghirardelli chocolates . Well , unless I totally missed it , which I doubt , there was no chocolate mile . There was a spot where we were given chocolate Luna bars , but that is not the same thing . Oh well . I felt really good during this race . Nothing was really bothering me , not my back , my foot or my hips . I never hit a wall or thought that I was not going to make it and I found my groove at the start line . I was surround by purple TNT shirts with names and pictures all over them . If I was close enough , I tried to read what the shirts said . I looked at every picture I could and thought about the names on my shirt too . This motivated me to keep going and to stay strong . I wondered about Shawna and the rest of my group doing the full . I had no idea where they were but I knew in my heart that they were doing well . At mile 10 , we were at a beach . It was still foggy and I was still mad at my bad decision to wear my sunglasses . I had Eric take my picture so that I can send it to Mr . RWM to let him know where I was . mile 10 The view ahead of us was the the tents and busses that were at the finish . It was cool to see , but I was not at the finish . We had to go to the left and into a park for the final 3 miles . The wide road that we were on for the last mile had thinned and I found that I was stuck with walkers again and I couldn 't get around . Eric was hurting a little and I lost him somewhere around here . Shawna 's family had cheered for us at about mile three and I saw them at the end of mile 13 . It was so nice to see a familiar face cheering me on . It 's all good . I turned the corner for the last . 1 and the finish was in sight ! There was a very large group in front of me and believe it or not , I actually slowed down so that none of them would be in my way for my picture crossing the finish line . Is that weird ? I don 't care . I wasn 't crossing with friends so I didn 't want too many strangers in my picture . Selfish ? Still don 't care . LOL I was psyched to have crossed that line . So many months of training and fundraising had all paid off . It was so worth it ! My time was 3 : 10 : 05 . This is 33 minutes slower than my fastest time . Considering the hills , two potty breaks and about 10 pictures , I am good with that . I said it before , this was for Shawna and Haley and for fun . That is what I set out for , mission accomplished . I walked across the red carpet , was handed water and then headed to to the cutest fireman . I stood in line and asked the girl in front of me to snap my pic and I would snap hers . She agreed but when it came time for my picture , my camera would not work ! ! ! We tried more than a couple times , before I finally gave up . This was the biggest disappointment of the weekend . I wish you could see his picture . He was really good looking with a smile that would make you melt . I told him how happy I was to see him , mostly because he represented my finish and accomplishment . He told me he was happy to see me too and that put a huge smile on my face . That , and my Tiffany box with the most beautiful finishers medal ever ! From there , I got my finishers shirt and then a bagel and a banana . I was directed to the TNT tent where we had to check in . It was here that Patricia had found me . I was so happy to see someone that I knew . We hugged and congratulated each other , checked in and got our finishers pin . We had finished in the middle of the pack and apparently it was when most of us average runners finished . The place was a mad house . We couldn 't get around easily and the lines for everything were half a mile long . We had about two hours before Shawna was going to come in , so we decided to get our checked bags first and then head to the TNT tent for food . Huge line into the tent , but once I got my sandwich , I felt so much better . We sat down , ate and changed into our flip flops . After that we walked around a bit to see what was going on . Nike had a tent with just finisher shirts . They were all nice but I was happy with the one at the finish line . I was so surprised how much people were buying . I think it is cool to have a shirt , but how many do you need that virtually all say the same thing . The colors and styles were different but they all said NWM 2012 in some form or another . And the prices ! ! Holy cow , they were so expensive . I bought one shirt for $ 40 the day before and that was enough . We headed to the finish line to wait for Shawna . The place had really cleared out by now and it was actually nice . We got a good spot and waited . The announcers said each and every name of the person crossing the finish line who ran the full marathon . It was really cool to see and hear . We weren 't ' really sure who had come in yet , but we did know that Shawna was still running based on the automatic FB status we had signed up for . Tracey was the first that we saw and I got chills watching her cross that line . It was her first full and I am pretty sure , her first race . She broke down and Patricia ran over to her . It was here that I had my first moment of doubt about my decision to run the half and not the full . And then we saw Shawna , with Robin right next to her . They were smiling and so was I . I was so excited for them . They looked beautiful crossing the finish line and I was so proud of them . What a fantastic finish . It was then that I was sure I made the wrong decision . I wanted to be crossing that line with Shawna and I felt like a missed an opportunity for an incredible first marathon . As happy as I was to have just finished my second half , I also felt a little disappointed . I shook it off and am now set on 26 . 2 . We caught up to her at the bagel table and walked with her to get her pin and then showed them where the TNT tent was . They got some food and then Leah , Robin and I headed to the massage tent . This was awesome . I couldn 't get in earlier but now we walked right up and got in in about 3 minutes . I had a 20 minute massage which was great . After that we snapped a few group pics and then headed to the buses . There wasn 't much time once we got back to the hotel . I showered and got dressed for the Victory Dinner . I met everyone downstairs and we got cabs over to the dinner . The food was OK . Nothing that I would of ordered if I had a choice , but we were all starving at this point . I even went back for seconds . We had a few drinks and then headed over to the dance floor . Yes folks , after running half and full marathons , we danced until they closed the place at 8pm . It felt good to dance and just have fun . We deserved it and I am sure we all enjoyed it . We headed back to our hotel and met in the lobby for some wine . As I sat there , talking with everyone . I had so many thoughts going through my head . I was so happy to be here with Shawna . I loved meeting her friends and her family . They were all so wonderful . I was happy that we all set out to do something for such a good cause and we all succeeded . I was also sad that it was all coming to an end . I said good night as I had to be the first to leave in the morning . I woke up early enough to get breakfast and was pleasantly surprised to see that Shawna had gotten up to eat with me . It was so nice to have some one on one with her . She has always been such a good friend and I have missed her terribly the last 4 years . I wish we didn 't have to be so far apart but it is obvious that distance has not changed how we feel about each other . I grabbed my bags and said a final good by to everyone who was in the lobby and off I went . I met my Rhode Island friends at their hotel and we flew home together . I was so relieved to be back on the East Coast with Mr . RWM and the kids . They truly are who I do this for and they make it all worth while . Recently , my son drilled me on what distance I ran and what it was like and when I asked him why all the questions , he said he wanted to be like me . And tonight I found Hal Higdons book in my daughters room . When I asked her what she was doing with it , she said she was going to run a marathon . Yes , she is only four and can 't read , but how cool is that ! My family rocks , my friends are awesome and you all inspire me each and every day . That is how and why I continue to do what I do . Thank you from the bottom of my heart . |
This is Ressa , the eighteen year old daughter . I have to know how to blog for a Technology Skills Assessment at BYU so I figured I could learn by doing a post for my mom . She thought it was a great idea because she doesn 't have to feel guilty for not updating ! People often ask us what Christmas is like at our house and today is your lucky day because you get to hear all about it . Christmas weekend was crazy , but it was a blast ! Christmas Eve started off with getting ready for our new family picture . This picture 's the best we could get in the midst of a crazy day . Our family changes so often that doing occassional snapshots in our living room is much more reasonable than getting professionals done every year . . . or sometimes even twice a year . After taking this picture , we ran last minute errands , ate a very yummy Christmas dinner , and opened new pajamas from Grandma and Grandpa . We read Christmas stories and then everyone slept ( or attempted to sleep ) in our family room downstairs . Christmas morning found a couple kids awake at 5 a . m . impatiently waiting for everyone to wake up so we could watch our new movie , " Mr . Popper 's Penguins . " Mom and Dad started the tradition of giving us a new movie every Christmas morning so they could get a couple more hours of sleep . After the movie , we gave stockings to our parents that some of us had put together and then everyone ran upstairs to see what our parents gave us . Another reason our family can be a bit of a freak show is because we don 't believe in Santa . Our parents let the cat out of the bag when I was about ten and since then , have taught all their kids that Santa was just a fun Christmas tradition . I like it much better this way because the idea of parents convicing children something is real just to have them find it was all a lie doesn 't seem right to me . Santa 's a fun tradition , but not worth a child 's faith in what his / her parents teach . It also helps bring the focus of Christmas back to the Savior and His birth . Since Christmas fell on a Sunday this year , we hadIt 's a Wonderful Life We were watching a special on some orphans in Uganda . These kids were between 6 and 11 years old and cute as can be . For those that don 't know , Casey is black and so were these children . Close to the end of the program Casey says , I was getting ready to go pick up a friend about 30 minutes away . I was looking forward to the drive down without children that could talk to me . Just my own thoughts , what a break . Casey asked , " Can I come ? " Last week Bria looked at a picture . She picked it up and pointed to a pictures of brownies and asked " What is that ? " She then pointed to the ice cream and said " Cold . " Bria is picking up on the language very quickly . She is now trying to talk about more complex things that she doesn 't have the words for yet . Both kids can understand most anything we need them to . It is so amazing how fast the children learn . Bria has transformed in the last few weeks . For quite a while she would have nothing to do with prayers if it was up to her . We happen to say a lot of prayers around here . One day she folded her arms and told me to fold mine and said " prayer . " She then began to say a little prayer . She had me tell her all the kids names so she could copy them . The next week at the dinner table she folded her arms , bowed her head , and closed her eyes . Doug had called on Clayson to say the prayer and before we knew it Bria was praying for the family . She started the prayer " Heavenly Father " proceeded to bless the food and say all the names of every member of the family and said " Jesus Christ , Amen . " It was very sweet . Both Hyrum and Bria are very sensitive to things of the Spirit . They both point out Jesus in pictures they have never seen and love saying prayers . It is neat to see how theses children though abandoned by their earthly parents were never abandoned by their Father in Heaven and they know this . I just came across this video yesterday and it helped to clear up some thoughts that I have had . There are times when I have wondered if it wouldn 't have been better for one of my children to have stayed in the orphanage . This child has suffered so much and if they had stayed there these things would not have happened . I know it would not have been the ideal but maybe better than what they have been through . I have to trust God that what He puts into place is always the best thing for each individual . So that means that no matter how difficult the challenge this chain of events will serve them best throughout their life . A little background on the video : The girl in the video clip was adopted days before she turned 14 this past April . To know what she is talking about you need to know that she has severe scoliosis . Her mother was preparing some things on adoption for her church and this girl asked her what she was doing . When the mother told her she was trying to help others understand the need to adopt the girl wanted to help . The mom brought over someone with a video camera and completely unrehearsed the girl began to talk . These are her heart felt feelings about the orphans and adoption . Enjoy the video . OK , today was one of those days for me . At 3 : 30 I very calmly said " everyone needs to clean the kitchen and family room . " Then I walked out . On the way to my room to lay down to pull myself together Bria wanted to be held . I just needed some time alone but that doesn 't ever happen right now . I put her on the bed and laid down . Bria sat and stared at me while I closed my eyes . I finally told her she could go play and she took the bait . I just laid there for a while longer before I got up . I had a lot of things to do that didn 't get done because of other circumstances today , including going shopping . We have food but I had no idea how to put it together to make it tasty . I made pancakes and sat the kids down to eat while I finished cooking . I usually try to finish cooking before feeding the kids but I just wanted it done . While cooking Pierce got up and told me to go eat . He is very in tune with my needs and thoughtful . I was close to being done so I told him I would just finish it up . Well , I wouldn 't have let him finish anyway just because that is how I am . Niya noticed what was happening and she got up and started to push me to the table . She then said . " Go sit down , Pierce will do it . " It was endearing and funny at the same time . Yes , Pierce would do it . Pierce would not sit down until I did then we both ate . On a side note , I am falling madly in love with my little Bria . She is really coming out of her shell . She had to lay by me last night to go to sleep . Not only by me but under my covers sharing her blanket with me . She even gave me a hug and kiss and said " I love you " . We are making fantastic progress . Hyrum was one of the lucky children in China to be supported by a fantastic group called Love Without Boundaries . This organization does everything from medical intervention for orphans to supporting with food , clothes and supplying foster care . Along with that support also comes advocating for the children that are available for adoption . It is through their blog that I learned about Hyrum . When we got back from China I requested any information or pictures they had of him as he grew . Just a couple of weeks ago I was asked to write an update on Hyrum . I was happy to do whatever they asked of me . I don 't have a lot of time or brain power to write well but I figures someone would edit for me . Thank heavens that a great lady Barbara is more talented than me because she cleaned up what I had sent her and published it on the LWB blog . It occurred to me yesterday that my little boy was going to be a star . How cool is that ? ! Here is the link to the LWB post if you are interested . http : / / www . lwbcommunity . org / an - adoption - story - hyrum . That is my little boy ! : ) When Barbara sent me the proof she said that the picture of Hyrum on the counter surrounded by the family could keep her motivated . I almost didn 't send that picture . I really don 't like pictures of me , mostly because I don 't like how I look and I don 't feel like that is the me inside . I haven 't done very well lately of getting my makeup on either . I really am back in baby mode . I was hoping Barbara wouldn 't use that picture but she did . It is amazing to me how the Lord works . I don 't like a picture but send it anyway so they would have more to choose from . That picture not only gets used but makes a difference in someone Else 's life . The Lord is good . A little update on Hyrum and Bria . Bria is talking more and more . She has opened up a lot more and is giving hugs but refuses to let me give her a kiss if I ask . I get around that by just doing it . : ) ) Bria has been sleeping on a twin bed next to our bed while Hyrum has manipulated his way to our bed and sometimes in the middle of us . I lay with them while they fall asleep . Hyrum cuddles in and I put my arm out to touch Bria . Most of the time she moves as far away as possible . In the last few days she has taken my hand and hugged it or cuddled up to Hyrum , who is next to me or other little things that show she is opening up . Last night she scooted onto my bed and took my hand for a while . That was huge for her ! She has also been running up to me and giving me big hugs . We see much more happiness . Not to often does she close down into herself or seem sad . She is playing and wanting to be treated like a baby . Hyrum is also doing very well . He is such a happy little boy . He is still learning that you can 't hurt someone when you can 't take the toy out of their hand or hit when you don 't get your way . The funny thing with him is he is so sneaky about when he is mad or mean . It 's kind of funny some times . Hyrum is going to be the drama king of the family . We have used the word dramatic numerous times regarding Hyrum lately . Look out drama department of Bingham High . We have a new leading man in training . Did I ever say he also loves to sing and dance . We finally got a court date for Olivia 's finalization ! It has felt like such a long wait . We were hoping to have it done the end of October but that is not how people work . The more people in a process the slower it goes . But we finally conquered . We meet the judge Friday December 9th at 9 : 00am . We are going to take Olivia out and buy her a new outfit then the day of finalization we will go out to eat . We gave her the choice of what she wanted to do to celebrate and she chose to go to Chuck - A - Rama . She is so excited . We get notes all the time about how much she loves us and how much she loves the family . I am so grateful for this . One day she will believe how wonderful she is and feel like she deserves happiness . The nightmares are coming very frequently now . It is clear where her fears lie as she tells us her dreams . I hope that these will come to a stop fairly soon after all the legal work is done . She deserves to feel safe and secure . We decorated the Christmas Tree this week . The year we got married we bought a Precious Moments ornament for our first Christmas . This started a family tradition . Each time a child was born or joined our family we bought them an ornament for the year the child was born . Of course , there are also ornaments that belong to individual children that they have collected over the years . Olivia noticed this and began to get sad . I knew this would happen so a few weeks ago I bought an ornament for Olivia and Hyrum ( Bria 's was too expensive , still looking ) . I was planning on decorating the tree with Doug there and presenting the ornament to Olivia as her parents . Things didn 't work out the way I planned and Doug wasn 't there for the tree trimming . I had to tell Olivia that she had something when Dad got home . We saved a spot on the tree right in front for her . As soon as Doug got home she had to remind me that we had something for her . We gave her the ornament and she hung it in her special spot on the tree . Olivia is doing so well . She is a strong beautiful girl with a majesty within her . There will be a day that I will be standing with my beautiful daughter dressed in her white wedding dress . I will look at her golden skin and vibrant smile and my heart will be filled with gratitude that I have the opportunity to be her mother and guide her through the troubled waters of life . I will see how far she has come and realize even more deeply how strong and valiant she is . We are truly blessed to have her . It seems that most of the time I sit down to write a blog post these days I don 't know where to start . Life , or children , have got me going so many mental and emotional directions that I can 't stop to organize my thoughts . So I guess I will just ramble a little about the goings on in our home the last few weeks . We had our first post placement for Hyrum and Bria and the final post placement for our Olivia . We sent all the paperwork in to China and got that off my plate . I don 't know who thought that there would be anything substantial to write in a post placement after being home for 30 days . I can tell though that whoever it was had no idea what it is like to bring a new child into the family that doesn 't know the culture , proper behaviors , language or have normal attachments . If they did they would have asked for the first visit and paperwork to be done no earlier than 6 months . I really thought that we were done with paperwork when we picked up our children . All the post placement visits we have had , and we 've had a lot , the social worker did all the work . All I had to do was make sure the kids were dressed and the living room cleaned up . Not with China . I had to run around and print pictures , put them on card stock with captions , copy multiple papers and get more information to the social worker . What a pain it was . Now we only have to do this in 4 more months then again at 12 months home and 2 , 3 , and 5 years home . I already promised not to beat my children what else do they want from me . We are pushing the attorney to get a court date for Olivia 's finalization as soon as possible . We are told the normal wait is 2 weeks but because of Thanksgiving it could be 3 . That puts us into the middle of December . Olivia is getting more and more anxious about having this done . She is afraid it won 't happen and has nightmares most nights that she will always be an orphan . But then she is afraid to have the finalization for other reasons . What a tangle of emotions she has right now . I can see this get harder on her every day . She needs all the prayers you have to offer right now . She is such a sweet girl . She struggles with feelings no one should have to fight especially because of where they came from . I have faith that one day she will be made whole , healed from the wounds inflicted on her but it will be a difficult journey . I feel to some degree that I may be sharing things that are too private but I want people to understand the difficulties that arise for these poor children . They need a lot of love and support . I know many of you are concerned for her and some have made a great effort to support her . Thank you Tammy for sending her the pillow pet . She loved it and keeps it on her bed to sleep with at night . It is a sign to her that she is loved . Mom , thanks for the letter . It is still held in a special place for her and she can 't wait to see you again . It only takes something little to remind her she is special . Hopefully one day that belief will be the dominate thought for her . We have had two snow storms in the last 2 weeks . All the kids had to go out as soon as they could to play . Olivia was disappointed that we don 't get more snow because where she lived before they had 6 - 8 feet in the yard . She didn 't have all the awesome brothers and sisters to share it with though . Bria enjoyed the snow but doesn 't seem too impressed . It is so cute to see her pull her jacket up over her head when we go out in the cold . I realized that I need to use the coat with a hood from now on . Hyrum LOVES the snow . We were headed into Costco and it was snowing a little . He didn 't want to go in the store but didn 't put up much of a fuss . When we came out big flakes were floating down . He ran right out into the street to enjoy the snow . It 's a good thing it was 20 minutes past closing so there weren 't very many cars . He danced around looking up into the sky in awe . One flake landed right on the top of his nose and he jumped and screamed . He immediately started laughing . I wish I had a video camera . He was just too cute . We also spent a couple of day canning applesauce . Sereen came over and helped me do 160 quarts . There is no way I could have done it without her help . Having great older kids is more of a blessing than I could have ever imagined . All the kids got into the action . They washed , pulled off stickers , quartered , smashed and poured to their hearts content . I don 't know where they got it but my kids like to can . We had a very sticky mess when we were done and by 2 : 00am I was exhausted and left it to be cleaned the next morning . Now can you believe that not one child wanted to help me clean that mess ? Nope not one . That 's OK , I didn 't want to do it either . Hannah 's birthday cake ! Of course , Sereen made it . She just needed an excuse . She 's waited for a couple of birthdays until someone wanted it . Hannah was very happy to oblige . The first very wet snow of the year . Love Emma 's pose . I have no idea where she gets it . I also don 't know how she doesn 't get cold when all she wears is a light sweater . I made her at least put that on . Life around here has gotten extremely busy . We have had 7 doctor appointments in under two weeks with two more next week . That will make 9 appointments or procedures in 15 days . We already have one surgery scheduled for the beginning of January to separate Bria 's little fingers and clean up one hand and foot . Our next appointment we will get the results of both children 's MRI 's . Hopefully we will get a full feel of what is going on and know where to start . We found out that Hyrum has another special need . Because of this the MRI was a great blessing in knowing where he stands physically . We owe so much to Shriner 's Hospital . They got Bria in to see the doctor within a week and while there for Bria 's club foot I mentioned the new info we found out about Hyrum . I asked a couple of questions knowing they would have better info than I could get off the Internet and could point me in the right direction for care . As the doctor and I started talking the great man that has been there for us since last November said , Within minutes they had a registration packet for Hyrum and got him in for xrays . We walked out of the initial appointment for Bria not just having a consultation but all the initial workup with xrays and 3 more appointments scheduled with specialists . On top of that Hyrum also had his exam and xrays with 2 more appointments and both had MRI 's scheduled for the next week . We had to wait while the secretary called Primary Children 's Hospital to schedule the MRI 's so they could ask questions . Near the end of the call the secretary got uncomfortable and had to answer " bill it to Shriner 's " . She had to repeat this twice . Now for the second time the tears came , knowing if it were not for the goodness of all those that donate these children may have been left in China or our family would be financially stuck for years to come . We came home that night and told the children about our experience . The whole family is now very anxious to give back to Shriner 's . We are brain storming for things we can donate . While there Bria came home with a fleece blanket and two beanie babies . Hyrum got a car and beanie baby . We thought that we could make blankets and on black Friday buy a bunch of cars to donate . Olivia is very excited to have a donation party . She wants to have projects for people to do and then donate them . She even wants to do this for her birthday . She is a very unselfish girl . All of the children are doing so well . The adjustment for the family has been very smooth . No one is showing signs of trouble , not even a little insecurity . Hyrum is getting better and better . He loves his family so much ! ! He is now starting to work with his emotions and is settling down quite a bit . He still makes messes but is not getting into so many things just to throw them around . He can now sleep with us in bed and even moves himself right next to me in the middle of the night . He won 't go to sleep without me holding him , which is good in this situation . Hyrum is now discriminating between those he knows and those he does not . He is getting shy and reserved around others . For those that know attachment you know that is fantastic . He looks in our eyes easily and offers kisses all the time . At church Sunday there was a new baby , Hyrum had to look at the baby . He took his little hand and very gently stroked the babies cheeks for a long time . It is clear that he has helped with the babies at the orphanage . When he gets angry we don 't get the pinching and hitting like a week ago . And when he does something wrong he fairly easily will give hugs and kisses and try to make things better . Bria is also moving along well in her adjustment . She is very attached to me and wants me all the time . Like a baby she wants me to walk around the house seeing everything . Because she is not the size of a baby that is not possible , besides I have other things to do . She is now showing real emotion and will call everyone by name . She is trying to learn English and has used some phrases properly . The other day I was looking for my bag so we could go to the doctor . I had her in my arms and was getting a little worried as I kept saying " where 's by bag " . Bria pointed and said " there it is " . She is a smart little girl . She is still reserved and scared at times but doing much better . Her progression is much faster than I expected and you can see that she is feeling safer here . We are loving the little personality that we are starting toAll our posts seem to be on Hyrum and Bria lately . It 's not because we love them best they are just the center of every ones lives right now . We are going to have our post placement for Olivia , Hyrum and Bria tomorrow . We are all excited about that . Olivia really needs this to be done ! ! Please pray for a speedy finalization . She is doing well but I do see signs of emotional discomfort because of not having things done yet . The visit will go very well I am sure . We have a great social worker and all the kids are doing amazingly well . Wow , I had no idea how easy I had it before these new children came home . I had a 5 year old as my youngest and didn 't realize that I had some freedom . I could choose to clean the house or do laundry . I could make my bed in the morning . I could even shower before 1 : 00pm . I have been thrown back into the land of the young mother . This brings back so many memories and a new understanding of what I have been through in the past . I remember the days that dragged into months of holding a child and another one needing me so I picked them up with one hand and held two children at once . The times of sitting in the rocking chair with two children on my lap and the neighbor showing up . Of course my house was a disaster just like now . The times when there were toys strewn all over the house and dishes on the table from breakfast long after lunch was served . The days of dirty faces and sticky hands all over the place . Mirrors slimmed with soap from children playing on the counter while I try to make myself look presentable . The list goes on and on . I applaud all the mothers out there in this stage of life . It is not easy . The hardest part is letting everything else go for the sake of the children 's long term needs . It creates chaos in my life and soul . I then get impatient and work as hard as I can to control that . That is the true work , controlling my expectations and emotions . Not cleaning and cooking . That comes easy . We are still adjusting the sleep patterns of the children . I have not figured out how to give them the needed naps and still get them to bed at a decent time . The other day they both fell asleep about the time that I needed to pick up Creed from school . I was gone no longer than 10 minutes . I walked in the door and Hyrum was sobbing in Hannah 's arms . I ran to him and cuddled him . In a few minutes he calmed down and sat with me . For the next couple of days he would not go anywhere that he couldn 't see me and most of the time since then I have had to hold him . It is good but sad . I know that he sees me as his mother and protector but sad that he has not had this all along and is just learning he is loved . Whenever Doug and I take Hyrum and Bria out for some bonding time and date night Hyrum gets very pouty and sad . The first time we left he about jumped out of his skin to get back to the house . Friday when we got home from taking Tyler to dinner he couldn 't get out of the car seat fast enough . He was giddy with excitement ! He grabbed my hand and pulled me into the house . We then had to check every bed to make sure all the children were still here . This child loves his family and always wants us to stay together no matter where we go . I have heard many times " I 'm so glad we got him . " Bria is still struggling . I think it will be a hard road for her . I 'm sure within a year , hopefully sooner , I can post that Bria is herself and doing wonderfully . She is laughing and playing but there is a deep sadness inside of her . She could really use every ones prayers . I know they are heard and answered ! While we were waiting for our last flight in LA from China , with some very tired children , Bria began to cry and couldn 't be consoled . Doug started walking around with her but it didn 't help so we picked up our stuff and tried to find a new location that would distract her . We went down the elevator and as I was getting our things situated Doug felt something warm on his stomach . I looked around and saw something dripping from the bottom of the front pack . Yep , Bria wet his pants ! Ressa came home for the weekend and we pulled out the ice cream . It takes a special occasion to have ice cream at our house . She served up a very small portion for Hyrum and a good sized one for herself . They sat down to eat and Ressa tried to give Hyrum a bite . He didn 't want it . He wanted a bite out of her bowl . It didn 't take too long for him to make it clear that he wanted her bowl not his . Thinking it was the color of the bowl that was the problem I took Ressa 's ice cream out of the bowl and traded . He would have nothing to do with that , he wanted the bigger portion of ice cream . Who cares about the color it 's the amount that counts . Malia trying to get her sister to have some fun . This next group of pictures were at a park close to our home . There is a lake at this park that we like to swim at . Olivia and Malia were picking up rocks for Hyrum and Bria to throw in the water . I don 't think they have ever had the opportunity to do that before . They loved it . The kids love to play together . When the social worker interviewed the children for the adoption she asked each one of them what their favorite thing to do was . Most of the kids said to play games with their brothers and sisters . After the third child said that she asked what kind of games and they said balls , hide and seek , and other games . She was pretty surprised that all the children love to do these things together . Another thing they like to do is play dolls . Creed , Pierce and Casey have grown out of that but the rest still love it . Now they have added Hyrum and Bria . The kids on their first four wheeler ride . They laughed and giggled the whole time . After about 40 minutes of going around in circles Dad came home and I was able to get them off . Names have been changed to protect the innocent , or not so innocent . This story had to be saved and enjoyed . One day when they are 18 they will laugh and laugh at this and so will we . Any mother of a child of significant age will know the joys of a tantrum . Well , it 's been quite a while since we have had one because of the ages of children we have , until recently . Since being home from China we have been able to enjoy many a tantrum from the newest additions . Today we had some backtracking by one of the older kids , no it was not Ressa . We got the best tantrum , EVER ! One of the children was having a hard time with something another child was doing . They decided to take action and began hitting and being mean to the second child . Second child came to me to let me know of the injustice . Well , of course I want to know about this kind of behavior . I then count to three and child 1 still refuses to sit . I take them by the arm to lead them to bed . We get to the bed and the tantrum continued . Usually the children only sit in the bed for a short time depending on the offense . I walk out of the room and I hear this . For those that don 't have time to read this the story is about a toddler in Foshan City , China that wandered out into the street and got hit not just once but twice by cars . Neither driver stopped and 18 people passed by a bleeding 2 year old either not noticing or not caring , one of the two . This story was very disturbing because we were just there and it would have happened about the same time we left . Our Hyrum was cared for in that city for the first 4 years of his life . While in China I was unsettled by some things . It was bothersome that people in general didn 't take turns , wait in lines , follow traffic lights or even smile at someone that smiles at them . While in China , we as westerners were always the last one on the train , bus , elevator , etc , even if we got there first and had young children with us . ( There were a few exceptions of both men and women giving up their seats on the subway - that was very kind and appreciated . ) On the sabbath we were scheduled to do some activities , which is not unusual even here in a basically Christian nation , and had to decline . We spent some time wandering around on Sundays to get out of the room . On the first Sunday I came to the realization that we were in a very Godless country . The feeling of the country in general is " all about Me " and money . Over the rest of the next two weeks we saw the fruits of such a way of life . I talked with a hotel worker a few times and was given a very clear picture of what is happening in a society that at one point was steeped in traditions that included politeness and a basic sense of morality . This young adult girl was very open about many things . She wanted to know how we deal with moral issues with our children , however , she wasn 't that tactful about how she put it . She explained to me that her grandparents ' generation believe that a person needs to wait until they are married to share themselves , but her parents are allowing it and in her generation it is just expected . She asked me what I thought . I clearly told her that the US is Back to the news story . Most streets in the cities we visited in China are small , about two car widths , and yet 3 cars driving side by side is normal . The markets are tiny with an open front . Many people live above or behind their shop . Children are there with the parents until they go to school at 5 years old . It was not unusual to see a small child hanging out in one of these shops . To have a two year old wander out is reasonable , especially when mom and dad are both busy . I place no blame on the parents as that is how things are done there . It is a quickly changing world for the people in China and the way of doing some things hasn 't caught up with others . As we read the story we were not surprised in the least by what happened . When people say you take your life in your hands on the streets of China it is true . Drivers will not stop for a pedestrian even in a crosswalk with a green walk sign . Pedestrians walk across roads with large barriers and fences and weave in and out of moving traffic because no one wants to wait . There is no order entering and exiting the Metro or subway . Yes , it is clearly marked where to exit and enter but no one cares . You have to literally push your way in and out . The attitude of those that did not stop and help this little child was evident in a lot of people that we saw . We had many experiences to show us the more tender side of some in China as well . Those that gave up their seat on the Metro because we had little children . People that stopped us to give directions from overhearing we were lost . Others that would stop to tell us good job for adopting the children . And those that truly wanted to communicate with us for some reason but we couldn 't because we knew no Chinese . Some others humbly overcame their fear and nervousness to speak with us just to practice their English . I am not China bashing here , I think there are many good things about China as a country and it 's people . We enjoyed our time there and love our children . I am just so sad to see the decline in the world and the lack of charity throughout all societies . It is a sad state that we have come to as a people in general . We see these kinds of things all over the world and in our own backyards . I often think about what can be done . The scripture about how Alma stepped down from the judgement seat to preach the gospel because of the wickedness of the people comes to mind . The only way that we can change things is by teaching about Christ then living a virtuous life ourselves . This is Sereen again . I 'm sure I don 't have to tell you how amazing my mom is and convince you why she 's not only a hero to me but to many people around her . That 's why I will just ask you to do me a favor . Wednesday night my mom 's cousin Alice nominated her to be Allstate 's " Hero Mom . " The winner will receive $ 2 , 500 . To win my mom would have to receive the most votes . Which means we need as many people as possible to visit this link and select " vote " next to the story posted by Alice of " I 'm so funny ( sometimes ) " about DeAnne . You can vote once a day until November 4th . My mom is currently in second place but needs about 300 more votes to catch up with the first place . Your vote will count ! you can also spread the word by inviting your friends to this facebook group . Just to illustrate how big of a heart my mom has : Alice nominated her thinking my family could use the extra money for Christmas especially after having spent so much on the adoptions . My mom 's first thought was to use the money to help someone else adopt . And that 's why we all love her , always thinking of others ! I have known of many people that get sick when they travel to pick up kids so I brought an arsenal of meds just in case . I didn 't need any of them but as soon as we got home Bria started in with the flue . At first I wasn 't sure that 's what it was . She was cranky and sullen , wouldn 't eat and started to have diarrhea . All signs of transition . One night she started to act like she was going to throw up . Soon after the fever came . We didn 't get much sleep and she felt miserable . After 4 days of off and on symptoms she pulled out of it . Then I came down with it . Unlike children though moms can 't just stop and lie around and cry when they want something . It would be nice though . Many others in the family have sore throats and are getting head colds . This too came from Bria . She has had a runny nose since we first got her . I thought it ran its course in China but we still are wiping her nose once or twice a day . Bria is showing signs of some progress and will willingly come to mom but most of the time prefers Creed or Dad . I made Doug change sides of the bed so in the middle of the night he can take care of her without me suffering the rejection . Rejection isn 't easy but when you are woken up in the middle of the night not having slept much in the past week then thoroughly rejected , it requires a lot of patience . Right now I would rather avoid the situation than have to be the better person . She has moments of being happy and smiley as well as crying . I anticipate the crying will begin to diminish and the smiles will be more prevalent . Hyrum is doing very well but I do see him adjusting still . He is usually running around the house getting into things . He laughs a lot and loves to be tickled . He runs away as soon as we take his diaper off and wants us to chase him . He eats most everything around . But in the mornings when he wakes he is stunned and sad . I think he is still surprised when he sees he is not in familiar surroundings . I pick him up and lay with him as he cries . One of the children will walk in and that will Something that we have seen with both children is the lack of ability to deal with disappointment . I never would have thought of this as being a challenge for them . If they don 't get their way they go into a fit . Bria will cry and cry and it sounds like she is pushing it out . Hyrum will run to the other room , throw himself on the floor and fake cry . Once in a while he will have real tears . When these things happen I take them in my arms and try to show them how to be sad without throwing a tantrum . Hyrum responds very well . I think Bria was able to get her way previously through crying because she is good at it . She cries almost all day with small breaks . I have never seen more tears . I think having so much stimulation and options is very new to them . I have had a couple of people tell me they are worried that the kids might feel like they are just in another orphanage with all the children we have . I let that thought bother me for a few minutes but the more I reason it through I realize they have love and stimulation and are learning to create bonds . This family will be intact forever and the people at the orphanage will only be temporary . This family offers them education and a knowledge of who they are and why they are on earth . They will learn about their Savior Jesus Christ and be taught how to serve and love others . Bria and Hyrum now have the opportunity to learn how to be a mother and father and function as successful people . Yes we have a large family but these children are never without love and people who fight over who gets to hold them . ( Wow , that was good therapy for me . I am going to have to come back and read this from time to time when I ask myself " what do I think I am doing " . ) We will post some pictures tomorrow . Sorry there haven 't been any . Life gets crazy when you get home and try to add the new children and find a new normal . We finally made it home after being awake for 39 hours . Doug and I didn 't sleep more than an hour and the kids were going on 4 hours of sleep . Bria was very emotional and cried at everything but Hyrum was his happy self and made friends with all the stewardesses and other waiting passengers . While in the LA airport waiting Bria fell asleep . She woke up crying and Doug walked around trying to get her to calm down . It didn 't work so we decided to walk to the next terminal . All of a sudden Doug felt something warm on his belly . Pretty soon he was wet all down the front of his pants and there was a puddle on the floor . It was so funny . He looked like he had wet his pants . We had the suitcases at this point so he was able to change his pants . This morning when the kids woke up everyone was waiting at the door . The four of us slept utill about 10 : 00am after getting to sleep at 3 : 00am . It took no time at all for Bria and Hyrum to warm up to all the other children . They now want nothing to do with Mom and Dad . We have had to set down some rules that only mom and dad can do anything for them . If they want a drink , something to eat or be changed it will be our job . Hopefully this is enough to create the attachment necessary . Both children are in heaven exploring things and finding out about their new life . We went to church today intending on staying just for Sacrament meeting . The kids did so well that we decided to see how they would do for the next two hours . They did good but by the time we got home I could tell that they were feeling a bit overwhelmed . Bria surprisingly chose me as her support for the main part of the afternoon . By dinner she was back in Creed 's arms until bed time . Doug took a small turn but that was it . Hyrum is being very much a two year old . We are getting a lot of tantrums . Nothing big but he is sure to let us know when he wants something . I haven 't been able to get him to let me hold him without a fight unless he is dead tired . I think he is loving the newness of it all but is highly emotional as well . I give it a couple of days until his emotional crash and he needs mom or dad . This is quite a change from the little boy that wouldn 't leave my side for the last 2 weeks even to take a shower and use the bathroom . He was right there at the door saying hi and sticking his fingers in until I came out . I want that little boy back . He needs to keep doing this . I am calling the social worker tomorrow to get our post placement done for all 3 kids this week . Tuesday marks our 6 months for Olivia . We are all anxious to get this legal and official . I am hoping that we can get a court date for the beginning of November but no later than the middle of the month . Doing all 3 post placements at once will save us some money which will be a good thing right about now . I worried about how Olivia would do while we were gone . I didn 't know if she would back track or even what to expect . Since we have gotten home she openly and often tells us that she loves us and missed us . She wants lots of hugs and is truly happy . She has a sparkle in her eye and I can tell she is feeling more secure . What a blessing for her and us . I can say that I really did miss her and now I feel an even greater love and normalcy with her than before we left . I do believe the counsel that some professionals give in that the newest adopted child will feel more intact in the family when a new child takes their place by birth or adoption . A little disclaimer , I know it doesn 't always work but we were blessed this time . Olivia 's adoption has really been the dream experience . I give full credit to our Father in Heaven and the sweet spirit of a special little girl . Father in Heaven does watch over us and guide our path . It has been hard for me to trust that at times but I can no longer deny He is there in all things . I know I will get impatient still and lose faith here and there but I am grateful for this testimony that I have to rely on . Life is ever changing even still and we could be filled with great confusion and concern over certain aspects of life but we are not . This is not because we are strong or good but because the Spirit whispered it is all in the Lord 's hands and we need only take life one step at a time . I have decided to give in to this and just have faith . There will always be something that can cause challenges but I don 't want to live in fear anymore . We want to live as some friends of ours do , with the attitude that " everything is great " as they lose their house and all they posses . I choose to try and be more like that . I just need to close this post expressing my love for my Father in Heaven . I feel more inadequate today than ever before . I have more responsibility to our Father and many of his children and hope that I can live up to the opportunities given to me . With this I also know that my Father loves me and will not let me fall too hard . He loves my children more than me and will inspire my thoughts and support my righteous actions . With all my heart I want to live worthy to see him again some day and have him say " Well done thou good and faithful servant " As unreal as it seemed that we were leaving for China a few weeks ago , it now seems unreal that we are actually coming home . This has been quite a journey - geographically and emotionally . For our last meal in China we opted for Pizza Hut . Before coming to China , we were very anxious to try authentic Chinese quisine . Now that we have been here , we are quite content with the Americanized Chinese quisine . Monday we went to a restaurant called " O , La La " . Kind of funny since Chinese people can 't pronounce " L " very well . We asked our guide to tell us the name of the restaurant and she pronounced it very well . Nothing like the O , Ra Ra we could have expected . The menu was full of weird stuff - pig lung , turtle , chicken platters with everything but the cluck , eel , pigs feet , cow tongue , turtle , etc . We wanted to buy a menu from them just to bring home . After looking at the menu , Deanne and I both thought we would be stopping by McDonalds on the way back to the hotel , but Ann did very well ordering for us and we had a great meal . There were some very soft steamed rolls that we dipped in carmelized sweetened condensed milk - that was yummy . Another family with us ordered the local micro brewed beer - Pearl River . Yes , this is also where the Pearl River pianos are made . Anyway , we ran out of Sprite and Bria wanted more . I reached for the beer bottle and said I will give her some of that , assuring everyone that it was OK since she wasn 't Mormon yet . That got a good laugh from the other Christian friends there . We went to the circus last night . That really was an amazing circus - nothing like we had ever seen before . And most definitely nothing like Hyrum and Bria had ever seen before . They were on overload about 15 minutes before it ended . I had to take Bria out to watch the last act from the top of the arena . It was guy getting shot out of a cannon and the noise from the cannon put Hyrum over the top and Deanne came up with him right after that . We took a shuttle bus back to the subway station and made it back to the hotel around 10 : 30 . Everyone was wiped out - we let the kids sleep as long as they wanted and they finally stirred around 9 : 30 . We missed the buffet breakfast in the hotel so we settled for instant oatmeal in the room . The 3 families in our group took taxis to a book store this morning . We met a guy named River ( his self assigned English name ) who wants to be a Christian and wants us to meet his Christian friends here from America . He emailed us by the time we got back to our room so we emailed him the link to the Chinese version of LDS . org and told him he would learn more about the gospel on that site . He seems very anxious to soak up whatever he can about Christianity , as a growing number of Chinese people are , so we 'll keep in contact with him and see where it leads . We packed our suitcases this afternoon . Ann dropped of the visas for the children around 5 : 00 . We took a walk to a nearby park - we had seen part of it , but didn 't have the camera last time we were there , so we wanted to go back with the camera before we left . Walking around the park worked up the appetite for Pizza Hut . We are all ready to go with 4 suitcases , each weighing 49 lbs . ; 3 carry - ons with vital adoption paperwork to verify in customs that we are not smuggling the kids from China , enough snacks , kids books , games and diapers for almost 30 hours of travel and layovers . Bathtime has changed in the last couple of weeks . It took me 5 minutes to get him used to the idea the first time . Now you can see he has overcome his fear . This guy was about 80 feet in the air running and jumping on the outside of these wheels with no net or wires as they were spinning . A certified lunatic . In front of the circus , obviously , can 't you read the writing ? Sea food restaurant . Or should I say , " see " food restuarant . You can find your own Nemo and have the cooks fry him up while you wait . Doesn 't get much fresher than that ! Hyrum and Bria trying out their new " squeaky shoes " . They normally want us to carry them through the lobby of the hotel , but not when they can annoy everyone within earshot of these noise makers . Do you know how loud these sound in a 3 story lobby with granite floors and walls ? Like we needed one more reason to call attention to ouselves . . . We have been married for 29 great years . We have 20 children with 11 adopted . 9 of our children are biological . 14 live at home , three are married , one is in college and two have passed away . We have children from the US , India and China . 6 of our living children have special needs . Cerebral Palsy , severe heart issues , Down Syndrome , missing fingers and toes with club foot , and an unknown diagnosis . We have been greatly blessed to be trusted to raise our Father 's children . Each one is unique and has their own strengths . We love to be together as a family and support one another . I wouldn 't trade what we have for anything in this world . It truly is " A Wonderful Life " . If you would like to contact us email at dwalker14 @ msn . com |
The last two days of the year were pretty much the same . On both days , I went to the internet café , trying to resolve the problem with Agnes , but this time it seems to be over for good . She started really abusing me . I hadn 't been in the mood to do anything because of all this , and it really crippled my holiday . Agnes simply drove me up the bloody wall . I loved her and I was very hurt . I was still hoping for things to get sorted out , as I didn 't want to let go of the future that awaited us . Anyway the New Year came and I watched Bicentennial Man on TV and had meatballs for dinner . I 'm hoping for all the best for the New Year . Not a good start , but hopefully it will improve . At least I had a friend , Iro , to keep me comfortable during this tough time . She kept me comfortable through text messaging and made me feel a lot better . When New Year came , me and my family celebrated it with a handshake and kisses on the cheeks , as in traditional Greek formality . The 28th wasn 't much of a day , as all I did was go to the internet café and watch movies at home . George of the Jungle played that night . The 29th was a much bigger and more dramatic day . Yes , it involved Agnes . Well first of all , I spent the day with Parry at the shops . We were looking for a digital camera . I was hoping to get one soon . Then the drama began . I went to the internet café to talk with Agnes and ended up getting into a very pointless fight which lead to us breaking up . I was trying to stop Agnes from buying an expensive camera and I thought I was the smart one at the time , probably influenced by Parry . I told her that it wouldn 't be a smart decision spending all that money on a camera . I thought she just wanted to get it naively without thinking . Then she told me she was actually considering a career in photography . I was still offended , because she was saving for a camera rather than saving for me . It got me upset , but to make matters worse , she turned on me and abused me severely . I was done . The main highlight of today was talking to Agnes online at the internet café . She had just got her internet back and I spoke to her . She had told me that she thinks she 's over a particular eating problem that she had . It was a huge relief for me , and I hoped to God that she meant it . She knew it was bad and she was disgusted of herself . I do hope that I won 't have to go through this again . Later in the night , I went home and watched Batman on TV . It 's good to watch TV in Greece since movies play every night , unlike Australia , which plays movies only on the weekends . The first thing I did today was catch the A10 bus straight into Athens . I arrived at Plateia Vathis in Omonia , said to be the most dangerous place in Athens . This area is common with prostitution . I walked through the area as quickly as possible , looking out for potential threats . I kept my chin up and looked confident as if I wasn 't intimidated . Anyway , I safely proceeded through the area and thought it wasn 't so bad after all , despite what I read in the Lonely Planet guidebook . I was trying to find Elli 's home , an old friend that I 've known since I was a little kid . I caught the trolleybus for the first time and found Filolaou Street and Niko 's motorbike shop . No one was there , though , but at least I knew where the place was so I could pay a visit later . Niko and Elli are definitely in for a surprise , especially since they don 't know that I 'm in Greece . Back in Menidi now with Parry and grandma . I woke up and got ready to go to Aghia Varvara . We were going to visit my grandmother 's sisters and my cousins . The whole day was boring for me . I spent a bit of time with the cousins watching them play Unreal Tournament on their computer . The rest of the night was having Christmas dinner and watching TV . Not much for Christmas day , but it was a respectable day to spend time with family members . Christmas is a good excuse not to be out on the road . Family time is important as well . Christmas Eve began nicely with me catching the suburban train from Doukissis Plakentias all the way to Larissis train station , the main national railway station of Athens . Here I took the opportunity to study how the system works ; I examined the rail timetables and tried to figure out how to get to certain destinations in Northern Greece and the Peloponnese ; to a limited understanding , of course . I wish to embark on one of these journeys someday . I later caught the metro to Monastiraki and got my souvlaki . Damn I love those souvlaki . I took the time to explore the small district of Psiri as well , which is another place for souvlaki . Later on , I returned home via a short stay at an internet café , and had Parry pick me up to spend the night at his place for Christmas . I renewed my phone credit and messaged Agnes telling her how I feel . She has been driving me nuts lately . Anyways , as that wasn 't too important at the time , I headed into the city as usual . I decided to go on my own walking tour of the streets of Plaka . I wanted to explore every cranny and nook of this old town . Needless to say , I loved it . I followed the exact route outlined in my lonely planet guidebook . I ended up in Monastiraki , which is right next to Plaka . And this was definitely interesting ; I got caught in the hugest crowd that ever met my eyes . Everyone was doing their bloody Christmas shopping , and it took literally half an hour to advance twenty metres , it was that crowded ! We were all squashed like sardines . Huge crowds are one of my pet peeves , something that I find really annoying . People walking slowly infront of me is already bad enough . I managed to order my souvlaki , which is the main reason I headed to Monastiraki , " souvlaki heaven " . I guess that was the highlight of the day . Today was going to be yet another interesting day . I headed into the city to do my own thing . I caught the metro to Syntagma and walked to Monastiraki . I got my Student Card from STA Travel ; yes , I had my passport with me this time . I just showed my High School card from Australia and he granted me one . I was lucky to get it too , since my High School card was only for 2007 . I just need a photo for it now . Afterwards , I went to Aleko 's and our day plan was to visit the legendary Acropolis . Entry fee was € 12 , which my cousin happily paid for . Me , my cousin and his son , Konstantino , explored the ancient site and took many photos . It was a memorable experience going up to the site with his little kid . The only thing I didn 't like was the supports around the monument , which really affected it aesthetically . Still , the views from the top were great , and overall it was a great day . I look forward to exploring more of the ancient sites around Athens . Waking up at Aleko 's , I used the internet for a bit , then headed out at 1pm . I had a quick look around at the Mavromateon Bus Terminal and Areos Park . Then I went to Aghios Dimitrios by metro . From here I caught the bus to Hellinikon . My reason for coming to this area was because one of my internet friends , Ada , who I plan to meet , lives in this area . I wanted to learn the suburb so I could know what to plan when the time comes . I made my way back to Syntagma by tram . I 've used pretty much every form of public transportation in Athens by now . I met a Canadian on the tram , who asked me if I spoke any English . He was looking for directions on how to get to Omonia , one of the central districts . I was more than happy to help him out . I told him to take the metro on line 2 . I look forward to meeting more people in future to travel with . Today , the first thing I did was I go to the Plaka shops . I found STA Travel and tried to apply for a Student Card , but I didn 't have my passport on me . So I 'll come back on another day . With more browsing , I found a foreign currency shop ; something that was in my favour of interest . I didn 't buy anything though ; I just had a look . The following night I went to a club with my cousin Sophia in Aghia Paraskevi . She was into some kind of Spanish dancing , either Salsa or Tango . Me and my aunt watched her dance with another guy while we video taped it . There is nothing much else to say other than that I had a drink . Following this was a text message from Agnes which had left me furious for the rest of the night . The next day , while recovering from Agnes ' wrath , I went to work for my uncle again to help with a few more shower screens . Same stuff as usual . After work , I then went to Aleko 's place and saw his two children . I gave everyone their Christmas presents which I brought from Australia , and spent the night there . Today was a much more interesting day . I had already planned it ahead of me . I was going to go to the ancient cemetery of Athens , also known as the Keramikos . I got off the metro at Thissio station and entered the ancient site . They asked if I had a Student Card , but I didn 't have one by this point . Entry fee was € 2 , 00 and I made it as worthy as I could . I spent a lot of time at the ancient tombstones . It felt like I was in ancient times , and I must say this particular area of the site reminded me of Tomb Raider IV . I just wish I had a digital camera ! After exploring the site , I took the time to enter the museum as well , and I was easily fascinated . I looked at the ancient ceramic material like it was treasure . I was able to leave the building very delighted . Afterwards , I went to Plaka to do a bit of browsing . Then I was off to the internet café in Aghia Paraskevi to do a bit of catching up , and then I rode the bus back home . Today was a working day . Nothing important was on my schedule , so I spent the day working in the shower screen business . I woke up at 6am , and proceeded to work with Con . I then went off with George to help install four shower screens in two different houses throughout the day . It was a good experience , and I was enjoying it . I also got to expand my Greek vocabulary , learning the names of tools that I was asked to pass over to George . On the downside , Agnes was causing drama with me through text messaging . This time I think we 're broken up for real . My hopes of seeing her in Latvia seem to be gone , and it has left me quite upset . I made my way to the town of Peania again today . This time , I got off the bus where I should have yesterday . I tried to find the Vorres Museum . I couldn 't find it , so I decided to walk to the caves instead . Buried all the way up in the side slopes of Mt . Hymettos , it was a long walk ! All the way up the mountain , it was a hike along a 3 . 5km road . Infact I didn 't even use the road the whole way . At parts where it was winding , up towards the mountain , I took a shortcut up the slope . It was a very steep slope , but I chose to go that way , rather than go another kilometre around a few winding bends . It took me about 2 hours to reach the caves . I was very tired . I bought myself a bottle of water and drank . I entered the caves for free , surprisingly , and got a tour . It wasn 't bad . The tour leader spoke Greek , of course , so I didn 't understand everything . The woman who I saw at the reception desk handed me a sheet with the tour written in English . I was the only English speaker in the caves . The caves were nice , and it was pretty good to spend the day in here . I guess the walk was worth it - I had to walk all the way back too , though . I avoided the twisty road and took a shortcut down the slopes again . True adventure ! I got a souvlaki from a shop in Peania , across the road from the plateia . I gave some to the dog that looked at me while I was eating , but not much . I caught the bus back home and had a rest . Another big day I tried to make for myself . This time it was unsuccessful , and I ended up going completely somewhere else . I intended to go to the Koutouki Caves in Peania , so I caught the bus which goes there . I arrived in Peania , but I decided to stay on the bus , thinking it would stop at the main square in town . But no , I ended up going all the way to Koropi , another 7km away . Wow . From Koropi , I tried a new form of public transport ; the suburban railway . I paid € 1 , 00 for a ticket , and caught the train to back to Peania station . I found no bus going back to Peania town , so I went to Doukissis Plakentias and decided to catch the bus from there ; but it went wrong again . I got on the wrong bus , and ended up in Halandri . I ended up having to walk for several kilometres all the way to Aghia Paraskevi , from where I took the bus back home . It looks like I won 't get to go anywhere today , then . Well , we certainly learn from mistakes , don 't we ? After this big hiccup , I went with Despo to Steve 's grave at the top of Glyka Nera . We stayed up here for the hour . I watched Despo light the candles and plant the flowers for her beloved son , then I headed to the internet café by myself , doing what I did usually . Today was a rather big day . I was home alone . I decided to take a look at the free map that I got yesterday , and see where I could go . So I went out at about 12 , caught the 308 bus to Ethniki Amyna and the metro to Syngrou - Fix . The station here was nice ; it had a bookshop , and I checked to see if it had any Lonely Planet books . I didn 't find any . I left the station and walked towards Filopappos Hill . It wasn 't a very long hike , but it was awesome nonetheless . I hiked my way to the top of the hill , enjoying each step I put forward . From the top , you could see almost all of Athens . You could see Likavittos Hill , the Acropolis , and all the way out to Pireaus . I could see in just about every direction , and the views were great ! I wish I had my camera . I spent about an hour on the summit and surroundings , appreciating the view , the nature , and scaling the jagged - marble cliffs . They were quite jagged ; I could only imagine what it would be like to tred on these rocks barefoot . On the way down , I was almost attacked by three random stray dogs . I was scared , but I was seriously ready to combat them . They were running towards me , barking , and I actually hopped into fighting stance , just out of instinct . It seemed to scare them off . I ran towards them as well , to keep them running away . It seems that reverse phychology worked perfectly . Well , they didn 't bother me again . I was rather shocked about the experience though . I seriously thought they were going to attack me . But I showed that I wasn 't intimidated , even though inside I felt it . I caught the metro to Monastiraki and got myself a souvlaki , and then I went to Aghia Paraskevi to spend the last hour in the internet café . I woke up at 12pm . I had slept for 15 hours . I 've had enough of waking up this late ! It 's like I need that sleep or something . Anyway , I headed into Syntagma by myself . I found the Greek National Tourist Organistation , which was close to the tram stop . The nice lady there handed me a free map of Central Athens , and I asked if it had all the trolleybus routes marked . I was happy with my map , but it was too big to fit into my pocket . I had to carry it , which was annoying . I put it down the side of my pants and covered it with the shirt . Hopefully it would stay there , but it was hard to walk . I made my way to Victoria and tried to find the Mavromateon terminal . It was useless , I had no sense of direction and I couldn 't find the terminal or Areos Park . I asked a nearby shop owner , but I didn 't understand him . So I went back to Monastiraki and bought a souvlaki from my favourite shop . I had lost my map when I got off the train here , so I had to go all the way back to Syntagma to get another one . Luckily the office was still open , and I got it for free again . Today I woke up at 6am , a huge change in sleeping pattern to the day before . It was still dark , and the sun hadn 't risen . I got ready , and went with Con , one of his employees George , whom I got to know , and Sophia to the workshop in Dafni . We didn 't stay here for long ; I soon hopped in the car with Con and he drove me across Athens to the suburb of Halandri . On the way , we discussed a few things , speaking half Greek and half English . My Greek would improve the more I talk with Con ; a good way to make me more confident with my Greek ! My whole day was spent with Con in the office . I did go out a few times , though . He got me a free ham roll from the shop next door , and he showed me an electronic shop across the highway . I checked it out . I was rather tired , due to my change in sleeping pattern . At the office , Con and I had a discussion about Agnes . He was speaking in Greek , so it wasn 't easy to understand him all the time . I understood that Con might be able to drive me to Latvia in the springtime ; hopefully Agnes doesn 't get impatient waiting , and hopefully my parents would allow this to happen . It 's a long drive as well , but I didn 't mind at all . I was relieved and allowed some breathing space . I was delighted to hear that Con might be able to take me to Latvia , but I didn 't get my hopes up too much . Towards the end of the day , Con drove me to a place in Loutsa to look at someone 's bathroom and get some measurements for a shower screen . Today I found out that Agnes couldn 't come to Greece for Christmas , because her dad couldn 't take enough time off work , and he couldn 't risk losing it , as it was a decently paid job . They are hard to come by in Latvia . So I didn 't end up sending any money . It was a moment that upset us both , and Agnes had been crying . I was coping with it fine ; however , our relationship seemed to go downhill after this point . We both said things that upset eachother . She considered breaking up with me because our meeting was delayed and she couldn 't bare it . And on my part , I reacted in a way that caused a stir . We are still together , for now , but I suspect that things won 't be the same . It has been a hard day for us , and I am going to find a way to make up for it . I 'll have to go there myself . And we know that my parents are an obstacle there . But I refuse to let her get disappointed again . The next day , I woke up at 2pm . Now it was getting unacceptable . I wanted to go into the city today , but I spent half the day on sleep ; so I decided to go to the internet café to make a few updates . When I came back , I was bored . By night , Parry dropped me off at Despo 's place , and I was to spend the next portion of my stay in Glyka Nera again . I arranged to go with Con to work the next day . Today was going to be an interesting day . The fun began in the afternoon , after 4pm . After exchanging bank details with Agnes in the morning , Parry took me to a place outside of Athens , called Skala Oropou . It was a nice drive on the way up , and the town itself was a beatiful seaside town , across from the island of Evia . Parry took a few photos of me , with the island in the background . The water level wasn 't too far below the edge of the road ; it looked like this place could become flooded easily . When the ice caps melt , that is . We stopped by a seafood taverna by the shore , and had squid , crab salad and prawns . I preferred not to eat the zucchini 's . It was a great meal though ! In between , we discussed a few things , but afterwards , when it became dark , we headed back home . Parry dropped me off at Kifissia station at about 8pm . Tonight , I had arranged to meet Angelika and Elen from Tomb Raider Forums . So from Kifissia , I took the electric train to Nea Ionia , where we arranged the meeting point . I disembarked , and found them both outside the station . There was a sudden excitement . I appeared before them , descended the stairs and crossed the road to greet them . It was a great moment . I wasn 't very talkative at the time , but we each greeted with a hug , and kisses on the cheek . A traditional Greek greeting . It was time to go somewhere to sit down and talk ; I hopped into Elen 's car and she drove us to the nearby café . We talked among ourselves , catching up , saying what we had to say . Our topics varied from traveling in Greece to meeting more TRF members , and from Tomb Raider to relationship issues . Both Elen and Angelika had given me useful tips and advice , which I am thankful for . They gave me just what I needed . If I were to be with Agnes , how would I support her financially ? How would I continue my studies ? Parry has given me the same advice . I guess time will tell . We said our goodbyes , and planned to choose a quieter place next time . We exchanged a few last kisses on the cheek , which Elen complained about mePosted by Today I messaged my mother and asked her to call Parry and arrange getting money into Agnes ' dad 's bank account . I was quite mad with my mother after she called and told me , " You 're not going to be in a relationship with her anyway . " This had me mad for the rest of the day . How could she say something like that ? How could she possibly know anything about our future ? Even I don 't know that . I discussed it further with my dad and we arranged to get her bank name , branch number and location . Agnes doesn 't know what a branch number is called in Latvian , so I had to ask my dad to give me an explanation easy for Agnes to understand . Waking up fairly late , even after sleeping for 16 hours , I had a headache from the stresses of yesterday . I had a bit to eat , then caught the bus to Kifissia . It took forever , but eventually I made it through , then from there , caught the electric train to Syntagma . While I was here , I was looking for the information centre , the Greek National Tourist Organisation . My Lonely Planet guidebook listed its address as Amerikis 2 . I found the street with ease , but I found no tourist office ; it 's obviously been moved . I also looked for the bookshop , which was meant to be on the same street , but no , I couldn 't find either shop . I think I need a new updated version of my Lonely Planet guidebook . The one I was carrying was a 2001 edition . I guess I 've learned . I 'll look for the address on Google Maps . Today wasn 't the best of days . It involved getting into an argument with my dad over MSN . I had to make my point clear that if things go well with Agnes , and we love eachother more than ever , I would want to go to Latvia too , instead of her just coming to Greece . I had to tell him that Latvia is not the country he 's thinking of . My dad is a negative man ; he always thinks of the worst things that could happen , such as getting mugged or bashed . I convinced him that I would travel with someone rather than alone anyway . Well , it wasn 't a good day . I felt upset and felt like giving up , but Agnes has to come so we can see how things work out . Until then , I shouldn 't worry about anything . I 've decided to keep moving forward ! The next day was just about as bad , except I was arguing with my friend Chris this time . I just hate it when it feels like you can 't get anything right , and everything keeps on going wrong . Chris had been telling me all the trouble I would get into with my family if I went to Latvia to see Agnes . His opinion was that I would appear to be ditching my family for my love . I claimed that it wasn 't even what my parents were concerned about ; it was more about my safety level . I have to prove to them that I 'm mature enough to do things on my own now , as I 'm nearly 18 years old , and that I believe in myself and that I 'm more than capable of doing things when I put my mind to them . The safety factor is a factor that is worldwide . What 's there to achieve if you never take risks your whole life ? Well , at least Agnes should be coming to Greece first ; that 's one thing to look forward to . We need to see how we will get along , and then decide on how to sustain our relationship . Firstly , I need to send the money , so she can come here , as they can 't afford a plane ticket . Today is the day I will be meeting Lora and Panos . I had a shower , ate , then went to the internet café . I caught up with Ada . We talked for most of the hour . I went to sleep when I came back home . When I woke up , I had a Greek coffee to give me more energy , and then Parry drove me to Kifissia station , which took 10 minutes ; much quicker than the bus yesterday , which took 40 minutes . I caught the train to Monastiraki , where I had arranged to meet Lora and Panos . I chose a familiar place , which I hoped would be familiar to them as well ; infront of Savvas and Grigoris . Well , I waited for about half an hour while I was here . They were supposed to come at about 9 : 30pm , but they missed their train and were going to be about 10 minutes late . I walked around the corner of Savas and Grigoris again and saw them there , on the marble cobbled road . We stepped forward and greeted eachother . It was great to finally meet someone who I 've known online ; infact it was awesome . They hardly seemed any different to what I expected . We walked around the streets of Plaka and Monastiraki , talking and talking . We had many interesting things to talk about . Then we sat ourselves down in Thissio , at a café called Stavros . We talked amongst ourselves and there was not one moment of silence . Our topics varied constantly , from Tomb Raider to the situation with Agnes , from Ancient Greek History to movies , and from Travelling Europe to Smoking . Yes , they were both smokers , and they knew I was against it , but I didn 't mind it for the occasion . We had our coffee , and I showed them Australian banknotes . The whole night , we were just so talkative ! We were getting along really well . We had souvlakia to end the night ; we caught the train from Thissio and separated at Victoria , saying our goodbyes . Until next time , we 'll see what we can arrange , whether it 's visiting Ancient sites with them or just eating out . We 'll be talking Greek next time ! At least I hope my Greek will be good enough by then . Today I decided to go on a little tour . I ended up going the wrong way , of course . I waited a long time for the bus to Kifissia to come , and when it did come , I got on , and only ended up at Menidi 's terminal stop . I should have caught the bus coming in the opposite direction , on the other side of the road , to get to Kifissia . Well next time I 'll know better . I guess you have to make mistakes to learn . So I went home and had a bit of a break . A few hours later , I caught the real bus to Kifissia . It was quite a journey , and I was amazed at how the big bus was able to dodge all the parked cars in the narrowest of streets . I bet the bus driver 's job is terrible ! But then again , I guess they 're used to it . I didn 't do much in Kifissia , other than get lost again ; I got off the bus because I thought I was going the wrong way , but I got off for nothing , and had to wait again for the next bus to take me home . I was home by 5pm , and had souvlakia with Parry . The first thing I did today was muck around with the cats again . At about 2pm , I headed to the internet café and chatted with Iro on MSN for the first time in a while . We had a fair bit to catch up on . It was nice speaking to her again after so long . She lives in Serres , and we 're planning to meet sometime in the future . At about 5pm , Parry took me up to Mount Parnitha , the highest mountain in Attica . We took the cable car to the top and got a few snapshots taken . At the top there was no view ; there was just the entrance to the Casino . Parnitha is where all the Gamblers come , and we did nothing more than walk to the front door . I would love to hike to the top of the mountain via a walking trail , though . Afterwards , we checked out the old plane restaurant , which has been destroyed . It was no longer a restaurant , obviously . It was a restaurant in a grounded plane . I was here six years ago , and I remember being fascinated . December began , and the first thing that I did was go with Parry to do some shopping . We were looking for a decent digital camera to buy , since I left mine at the airport terminal in Sydney ! We haven 't decided on anything yet , as we 're going to take some time to research and ensure that we purchase a good camera . Parry showed me around Menidi 's main square . We sat ourselves down and had some " Goody 's " , a restaurant similar to McDonald 's . After some more walking around the streets , we separated as I headed to the internet café . I didn 't do much other than talk to my dad online . Upon leaving , I went to the vending machine . There were two sandwiches in there , next to eachother , and I couldn 't decide which one to get . Eventually , I put my € 2 coin in , and selected one . But by surprise , and as luck may have had it , both sandwiches came out . The sandwich I selected had brought the other sandwich down with it , and I took both back home to eat . And the one I didn 't choose was the one I liked better ! Go figure ! Back home , I was surprised yet again ; I received a text message from Iro ! I haven 't heard from her in a long time . I had left her a message on the forum , telling her my number , and she logged on today to get it . The last time she logged on was ages ago . How 's that for coincidence ? We had a quick chat , catching up with eachother via text messages . I will be meeting her at some point in the future . In the past , I 've had a difficult social life , but I can honestly say things are much easier for me now . I 've lived my life going through Asperger 's Syndrome and that has caused me a lot of my social difficulties . But I am a firm believer in living life to the fullest , and I believe you can achieve anything you set your mind to . |
The last two days of the year were pretty much the same . On both days , I went to the internet café , trying to resolve the problem with Agnes , but this time it seems to be over for good . She started really abusing me . I hadn 't been in the mood to do anything because of all this , and it really crippled my holiday . Agnes simply drove me up the bloody wall . I loved her and I was very hurt . I was still hoping for things to get sorted out , as I didn 't want to let go of the future that awaited us . Anyway the New Year came and I watched Bicentennial Man on TV and had meatballs for dinner . I 'm hoping for all the best for the New Year . Not a good start , but hopefully it will improve . At least I had a friend , Iro , to keep me comfortable during this tough time . She kept me comfortable through text messaging and made me feel a lot better . When New Year came , me and my family celebrated it with a handshake and kisses on the cheeks , as in traditional Greek formality . The 28th wasn 't much of a day , as all I did was go to the internet café and watch movies at home . George of the Jungle played that night . The 29th was a much bigger and more dramatic day . Yes , it involved Agnes . Well first of all , I spent the day with Parry at the shops . We were looking for a digital camera . I was hoping to get one soon . Then the drama began . I went to the internet café to talk with Agnes and ended up getting into a very pointless fight which lead to us breaking up . I was trying to stop Agnes from buying an expensive camera and I thought I was the smart one at the time , probably influenced by Parry . I told her that it wouldn 't be a smart decision spending all that money on a camera . I thought she just wanted to get it naively without thinking . Then she told me she was actually considering a career in photography . I was still offended , because she was saving for a camera rather than saving for me . It got me upset , but to make matters worse , she turned on me and abused me severely . I was done . The main highlight of today was talking to Agnes online at the internet café . She had just got her internet back and I spoke to her . She had told me that she thinks she 's over a particular eating problem that she had . It was a huge relief for me , and I hoped to God that she meant it . She knew it was bad and she was disgusted of herself . I do hope that I won 't have to go through this again . Later in the night , I went home and watched Batman on TV . It 's good to watch TV in Greece since movies play every night , unlike Australia , which plays movies only on the weekends . The first thing I did today was catch the A10 bus straight into Athens . I arrived at Plateia Vathis in Omonia , said to be the most dangerous place in Athens . This area is common with prostitution . I walked through the area as quickly as possible , looking out for potential threats . I kept my chin up and looked confident as if I wasn 't intimidated . Anyway , I safely proceeded through the area and thought it wasn 't so bad after all , despite what I read in the Lonely Planet guidebook . I was trying to find Elli 's home , an old friend that I 've known since I was a little kid . I caught the trolleybus for the first time and found Filolaou Street and Niko 's motorbike shop . No one was there , though , but at least I knew where the place was so I could pay a visit later . Niko and Elli are definitely in for a surprise , especially since they don 't know that I 'm in Greece . Back in Menidi now with Parry and grandma . I woke up and got ready to go to Aghia Varvara . We were going to visit my grandmother 's sisters and my cousins . The whole day was boring for me . I spent a bit of time with the cousins watching them play Unreal Tournament on their computer . The rest of the night was having Christmas dinner and watching TV . Not much for Christmas day , but it was a respectable day to spend time with family members . Christmas is a good excuse not to be out on the road . Family time is important as well . Christmas Eve began nicely with me catching the suburban train from Doukissis Plakentias all the way to Larissis train station , the main national railway station of Athens . Here I took the opportunity to study how the system works ; I examined the rail timetables and tried to figure out how to get to certain destinations in Northern Greece and the Peloponnese ; to a limited understanding , of course . I wish to embark on one of these journeys someday . I later caught the metro to Monastiraki and got my souvlaki . Damn I love those souvlaki . I took the time to explore the small district of Psiri as well , which is another place for souvlaki . Later on , I returned home via a short stay at an internet café , and had Parry pick me up to spend the night at his place for Christmas . I renewed my phone credit and messaged Agnes telling her how I feel . She has been driving me nuts lately . Anyways , as that wasn 't too important at the time , I headed into the city as usual . I decided to go on my own walking tour of the streets of Plaka . I wanted to explore every cranny and nook of this old town . Needless to say , I loved it . I followed the exact route outlined in my lonely planet guidebook . I ended up in Monastiraki , which is right next to Plaka . And this was definitely interesting ; I got caught in the hugest crowd that ever met my eyes . Everyone was doing their bloody Christmas shopping , and it took literally half an hour to advance twenty metres , it was that crowded ! We were all squashed like sardines . Huge crowds are one of my pet peeves , something that I find really annoying . People walking slowly infront of me is already bad enough . I managed to order my souvlaki , which is the main reason I headed to Monastiraki , " souvlaki heaven " . I guess that was the highlight of the day . Today was going to be yet another interesting day . I headed into the city to do my own thing . I caught the metro to Syntagma and walked to Monastiraki . I got my Student Card from STA Travel ; yes , I had my passport with me this time . I just showed my High School card from Australia and he granted me one . I was lucky to get it too , since my High School card was only for 2007 . I just need a photo for it now . Afterwards , I went to Aleko 's and our day plan was to visit the legendary Acropolis . Entry fee was € 12 , which my cousin happily paid for . Me , my cousin and his son , Konstantino , explored the ancient site and took many photos . It was a memorable experience going up to the site with his little kid . The only thing I didn 't like was the supports around the monument , which really affected it aesthetically . Still , the views from the top were great , and overall it was a great day . I look forward to exploring more of the ancient sites around Athens . Waking up at Aleko 's , I used the internet for a bit , then headed out at 1pm . I had a quick look around at the Mavromateon Bus Terminal and Areos Park . Then I went to Aghios Dimitrios by metro . From here I caught the bus to Hellinikon . My reason for coming to this area was because one of my internet friends , Ada , who I plan to meet , lives in this area . I wanted to learn the suburb so I could know what to plan when the time comes . I made my way back to Syntagma by tram . I 've used pretty much every form of public transportation in Athens by now . I met a Canadian on the tram , who asked me if I spoke any English . He was looking for directions on how to get to Omonia , one of the central districts . I was more than happy to help him out . I told him to take the metro on line 2 . I look forward to meeting more people in future to travel with . Today , the first thing I did was I go to the Plaka shops . I found STA Travel and tried to apply for a Student Card , but I didn 't have my passport on me . So I 'll come back on another day . With more browsing , I found a foreign currency shop ; something that was in my favour of interest . I didn 't buy anything though ; I just had a look . The following night I went to a club with my cousin Sophia in Aghia Paraskevi . She was into some kind of Spanish dancing , either Salsa or Tango . Me and my aunt watched her dance with another guy while we video taped it . There is nothing much else to say other than that I had a drink . Following this was a text message from Agnes which had left me furious for the rest of the night . The next day , while recovering from Agnes ' wrath , I went to work for my uncle again to help with a few more shower screens . Same stuff as usual . After work , I then went to Aleko 's place and saw his two children . I gave everyone their Christmas presents which I brought from Australia , and spent the night there . Today was a much more interesting day . I had already planned it ahead of me . I was going to go to the ancient cemetery of Athens , also known as the Keramikos . I got off the metro at Thissio station and entered the ancient site . They asked if I had a Student Card , but I didn 't have one by this point . Entry fee was € 2 , 00 and I made it as worthy as I could . I spent a lot of time at the ancient tombstones . It felt like I was in ancient times , and I must say this particular area of the site reminded me of Tomb Raider IV . I just wish I had a digital camera ! After exploring the site , I took the time to enter the museum as well , and I was easily fascinated . I looked at the ancient ceramic material like it was treasure . I was able to leave the building very delighted . Afterwards , I went to Plaka to do a bit of browsing . Then I was off to the internet café in Aghia Paraskevi to do a bit of catching up , and then I rode the bus back home . Today was a working day . Nothing important was on my schedule , so I spent the day working in the shower screen business . I woke up at 6am , and proceeded to work with Con . I then went off with George to help install four shower screens in two different houses throughout the day . It was a good experience , and I was enjoying it . I also got to expand my Greek vocabulary , learning the names of tools that I was asked to pass over to George . On the downside , Agnes was causing drama with me through text messaging . This time I think we 're broken up for real . My hopes of seeing her in Latvia seem to be gone , and it has left me quite upset . I made my way to the town of Peania again today . This time , I got off the bus where I should have yesterday . I tried to find the Vorres Museum . I couldn 't find it , so I decided to walk to the caves instead . Buried all the way up in the side slopes of Mt . Hymettos , it was a long walk ! All the way up the mountain , it was a hike along a 3 . 5km road . Infact I didn 't even use the road the whole way . At parts where it was winding , up towards the mountain , I took a shortcut up the slope . It was a very steep slope , but I chose to go that way , rather than go another kilometre around a few winding bends . It took me about 2 hours to reach the caves . I was very tired . I bought myself a bottle of water and drank . I entered the caves for free , surprisingly , and got a tour . It wasn 't bad . The tour leader spoke Greek , of course , so I didn 't understand everything . The woman who I saw at the reception desk handed me a sheet with the tour written in English . I was the only English speaker in the caves . The caves were nice , and it was pretty good to spend the day in here . I guess the walk was worth it - I had to walk all the way back too , though . I avoided the twisty road and took a shortcut down the slopes again . True adventure ! I got a souvlaki from a shop in Peania , across the road from the plateia . I gave some to the dog that looked at me while I was eating , but not much . I caught the bus back home and had a rest . Another big day I tried to make for myself . This time it was unsuccessful , and I ended up going completely somewhere else . I intended to go to the Koutouki Caves in Peania , so I caught the bus which goes there . I arrived in Peania , but I decided to stay on the bus , thinking it would stop at the main square in town . But no , I ended up going all the way to Koropi , another 7km away . Wow . From Koropi , I tried a new form of public transport ; the suburban railway . I paid € 1 , 00 for a ticket , and caught the train to back to Peania station . I found no bus going back to Peania town , so I went to Doukissis Plakentias and decided to catch the bus from there ; but it went wrong again . I got on the wrong bus , and ended up in Halandri . I ended up having to walk for several kilometres all the way to Aghia Paraskevi , from where I took the bus back home . It looks like I won 't get to go anywhere today , then . Well , we certainly learn from mistakes , don 't we ? After this big hiccup , I went with Despo to Steve 's grave at the top of Glyka Nera . We stayed up here for the hour . I watched Despo light the candles and plant the flowers for her beloved son , then I headed to the internet café by myself , doing what I did usually . Today was a rather big day . I was home alone . I decided to take a look at the free map that I got yesterday , and see where I could go . So I went out at about 12 , caught the 308 bus to Ethniki Amyna and the metro to Syngrou - Fix . The station here was nice ; it had a bookshop , and I checked to see if it had any Lonely Planet books . I didn 't find any . I left the station and walked towards Filopappos Hill . It wasn 't a very long hike , but it was awesome nonetheless . I hiked my way to the top of the hill , enjoying each step I put forward . From the top , you could see almost all of Athens . You could see Likavittos Hill , the Acropolis , and all the way out to Pireaus . I could see in just about every direction , and the views were great ! I wish I had my camera . I spent about an hour on the summit and surroundings , appreciating the view , the nature , and scaling the jagged - marble cliffs . They were quite jagged ; I could only imagine what it would be like to tred on these rocks barefoot . On the way down , I was almost attacked by three random stray dogs . I was scared , but I was seriously ready to combat them . They were running towards me , barking , and I actually hopped into fighting stance , just out of instinct . It seemed to scare them off . I ran towards them as well , to keep them running away . It seems that reverse phychology worked perfectly . Well , they didn 't bother me again . I was rather shocked about the experience though . I seriously thought they were going to attack me . But I showed that I wasn 't intimidated , even though inside I felt it . I caught the metro to Monastiraki and got myself a souvlaki , and then I went to Aghia Paraskevi to spend the last hour in the internet café . I woke up at 12pm . I had slept for 15 hours . I 've had enough of waking up this late ! It 's like I need that sleep or something . Anyway , I headed into Syntagma by myself . I found the Greek National Tourist Organistation , which was close to the tram stop . The nice lady there handed me a free map of Central Athens , and I asked if it had all the trolleybus routes marked . I was happy with my map , but it was too big to fit into my pocket . I had to carry it , which was annoying . I put it down the side of my pants and covered it with the shirt . Hopefully it would stay there , but it was hard to walk . I made my way to Victoria and tried to find the Mavromateon terminal . It was useless , I had no sense of direction and I couldn 't find the terminal or Areos Park . I asked a nearby shop owner , but I didn 't understand him . So I went back to Monastiraki and bought a souvlaki from my favourite shop . I had lost my map when I got off the train here , so I had to go all the way back to Syntagma to get another one . Luckily the office was still open , and I got it for free again . Today I woke up at 6am , a huge change in sleeping pattern to the day before . It was still dark , and the sun hadn 't risen . I got ready , and went with Con , one of his employees George , whom I got to know , and Sophia to the workshop in Dafni . We didn 't stay here for long ; I soon hopped in the car with Con and he drove me across Athens to the suburb of Halandri . On the way , we discussed a few things , speaking half Greek and half English . My Greek would improve the more I talk with Con ; a good way to make me more confident with my Greek ! My whole day was spent with Con in the office . I did go out a few times , though . He got me a free ham roll from the shop next door , and he showed me an electronic shop across the highway . I checked it out . I was rather tired , due to my change in sleeping pattern . At the office , Con and I had a discussion about Agnes . He was speaking in Greek , so it wasn 't easy to understand him all the time . I understood that Con might be able to drive me to Latvia in the springtime ; hopefully Agnes doesn 't get impatient waiting , and hopefully my parents would allow this to happen . It 's a long drive as well , but I didn 't mind at all . I was relieved and allowed some breathing space . I was delighted to hear that Con might be able to take me to Latvia , but I didn 't get my hopes up too much . Towards the end of the day , Con drove me to a place in Loutsa to look at someone 's bathroom and get some measurements for a shower screen . Today I found out that Agnes couldn 't come to Greece for Christmas , because her dad couldn 't take enough time off work , and he couldn 't risk losing it , as it was a decently paid job . They are hard to come by in Latvia . So I didn 't end up sending any money . It was a moment that upset us both , and Agnes had been crying . I was coping with it fine ; however , our relationship seemed to go downhill after this point . We both said things that upset eachother . She considered breaking up with me because our meeting was delayed and she couldn 't bare it . And on my part , I reacted in a way that caused a stir . We are still together , for now , but I suspect that things won 't be the same . It has been a hard day for us , and I am going to find a way to make up for it . I 'll have to go there myself . And we know that my parents are an obstacle there . But I refuse to let her get disappointed again . The next day , I woke up at 2pm . Now it was getting unacceptable . I wanted to go into the city today , but I spent half the day on sleep ; so I decided to go to the internet café to make a few updates . When I came back , I was bored . By night , Parry dropped me off at Despo 's place , and I was to spend the next portion of my stay in Glyka Nera again . I arranged to go with Con to work the next day . Today was going to be an interesting day . The fun began in the afternoon , after 4pm . After exchanging bank details with Agnes in the morning , Parry took me to a place outside of Athens , called Skala Oropou . It was a nice drive on the way up , and the town itself was a beatiful seaside town , across from the island of Evia . Parry took a few photos of me , with the island in the background . The water level wasn 't too far below the edge of the road ; it looked like this place could become flooded easily . When the ice caps melt , that is . We stopped by a seafood taverna by the shore , and had squid , crab salad and prawns . I preferred not to eat the zucchini 's . It was a great meal though ! In between , we discussed a few things , but afterwards , when it became dark , we headed back home . Parry dropped me off at Kifissia station at about 8pm . Tonight , I had arranged to meet Angelika and Elen from Tomb Raider Forums . So from Kifissia , I took the electric train to Nea Ionia , where we arranged the meeting point . I disembarked , and found them both outside the station . There was a sudden excitement . I appeared before them , descended the stairs and crossed the road to greet them . It was a great moment . I wasn 't very talkative at the time , but we each greeted with a hug , and kisses on the cheek . A traditional Greek greeting . It was time to go somewhere to sit down and talk ; I hopped into Elen 's car and she drove us to the nearby café . We talked among ourselves , catching up , saying what we had to say . Our topics varied from traveling in Greece to meeting more TRF members , and from Tomb Raider to relationship issues . Both Elen and Angelika had given me useful tips and advice , which I am thankful for . They gave me just what I needed . If I were to be with Agnes , how would I support her financially ? How would I continue my studies ? Parry has given me the same advice . I guess time will tell . We said our goodbyes , and planned to choose a quieter place next time . We exchanged a few last kisses on the cheek , which Elen complained about mePosted by Today I messaged my mother and asked her to call Parry and arrange getting money into Agnes ' dad 's bank account . I was quite mad with my mother after she called and told me , " You 're not going to be in a relationship with her anyway . " This had me mad for the rest of the day . How could she say something like that ? How could she possibly know anything about our future ? Even I don 't know that . I discussed it further with my dad and we arranged to get her bank name , branch number and location . Agnes doesn 't know what a branch number is called in Latvian , so I had to ask my dad to give me an explanation easy for Agnes to understand . Waking up fairly late , even after sleeping for 16 hours , I had a headache from the stresses of yesterday . I had a bit to eat , then caught the bus to Kifissia . It took forever , but eventually I made it through , then from there , caught the electric train to Syntagma . While I was here , I was looking for the information centre , the Greek National Tourist Organisation . My Lonely Planet guidebook listed its address as Amerikis 2 . I found the street with ease , but I found no tourist office ; it 's obviously been moved . I also looked for the bookshop , which was meant to be on the same street , but no , I couldn 't find either shop . I think I need a new updated version of my Lonely Planet guidebook . The one I was carrying was a 2001 edition . I guess I 've learned . I 'll look for the address on Google Maps . Today wasn 't the best of days . It involved getting into an argument with my dad over MSN . I had to make my point clear that if things go well with Agnes , and we love eachother more than ever , I would want to go to Latvia too , instead of her just coming to Greece . I had to tell him that Latvia is not the country he 's thinking of . My dad is a negative man ; he always thinks of the worst things that could happen , such as getting mugged or bashed . I convinced him that I would travel with someone rather than alone anyway . Well , it wasn 't a good day . I felt upset and felt like giving up , but Agnes has to come so we can see how things work out . Until then , I shouldn 't worry about anything . I 've decided to keep moving forward ! The next day was just about as bad , except I was arguing with my friend Chris this time . I just hate it when it feels like you can 't get anything right , and everything keeps on going wrong . Chris had been telling me all the trouble I would get into with my family if I went to Latvia to see Agnes . His opinion was that I would appear to be ditching my family for my love . I claimed that it wasn 't even what my parents were concerned about ; it was more about my safety level . I have to prove to them that I 'm mature enough to do things on my own now , as I 'm nearly 18 years old , and that I believe in myself and that I 'm more than capable of doing things when I put my mind to them . The safety factor is a factor that is worldwide . What 's there to achieve if you never take risks your whole life ? Well , at least Agnes should be coming to Greece first ; that 's one thing to look forward to . We need to see how we will get along , and then decide on how to sustain our relationship . Firstly , I need to send the money , so she can come here , as they can 't afford a plane ticket . Today is the day I will be meeting Lora and Panos . I had a shower , ate , then went to the internet café . I caught up with Ada . We talked for most of the hour . I went to sleep when I came back home . When I woke up , I had a Greek coffee to give me more energy , and then Parry drove me to Kifissia station , which took 10 minutes ; much quicker than the bus yesterday , which took 40 minutes . I caught the train to Monastiraki , where I had arranged to meet Lora and Panos . I chose a familiar place , which I hoped would be familiar to them as well ; infront of Savvas and Grigoris . Well , I waited for about half an hour while I was here . They were supposed to come at about 9 : 30pm , but they missed their train and were going to be about 10 minutes late . I walked around the corner of Savas and Grigoris again and saw them there , on the marble cobbled road . We stepped forward and greeted eachother . It was great to finally meet someone who I 've known online ; infact it was awesome . They hardly seemed any different to what I expected . We walked around the streets of Plaka and Monastiraki , talking and talking . We had many interesting things to talk about . Then we sat ourselves down in Thissio , at a café called Stavros . We talked amongst ourselves and there was not one moment of silence . Our topics varied constantly , from Tomb Raider to the situation with Agnes , from Ancient Greek History to movies , and from Travelling Europe to Smoking . Yes , they were both smokers , and they knew I was against it , but I didn 't mind it for the occasion . We had our coffee , and I showed them Australian banknotes . The whole night , we were just so talkative ! We were getting along really well . We had souvlakia to end the night ; we caught the train from Thissio and separated at Victoria , saying our goodbyes . Until next time , we 'll see what we can arrange , whether it 's visiting Ancient sites with them or just eating out . We 'll be talking Greek next time ! At least I hope my Greek will be good enough by then . Today I decided to go on a little tour . I ended up going the wrong way , of course . I waited a long time for the bus to Kifissia to come , and when it did come , I got on , and only ended up at Menidi 's terminal stop . I should have caught the bus coming in the opposite direction , on the other side of the road , to get to Kifissia . Well next time I 'll know better . I guess you have to make mistakes to learn . So I went home and had a bit of a break . A few hours later , I caught the real bus to Kifissia . It was quite a journey , and I was amazed at how the big bus was able to dodge all the parked cars in the narrowest of streets . I bet the bus driver 's job is terrible ! But then again , I guess they 're used to it . I didn 't do much in Kifissia , other than get lost again ; I got off the bus because I thought I was going the wrong way , but I got off for nothing , and had to wait again for the next bus to take me home . I was home by 5pm , and had souvlakia with Parry . The first thing I did today was muck around with the cats again . At about 2pm , I headed to the internet café and chatted with Iro on MSN for the first time in a while . We had a fair bit to catch up on . It was nice speaking to her again after so long . She lives in Serres , and we 're planning to meet sometime in the future . At about 5pm , Parry took me up to Mount Parnitha , the highest mountain in Attica . We took the cable car to the top and got a few snapshots taken . At the top there was no view ; there was just the entrance to the Casino . Parnitha is where all the Gamblers come , and we did nothing more than walk to the front door . I would love to hike to the top of the mountain via a walking trail , though . Afterwards , we checked out the old plane restaurant , which has been destroyed . It was no longer a restaurant , obviously . It was a restaurant in a grounded plane . I was here six years ago , and I remember being fascinated . December began , and the first thing that I did was go with Parry to do some shopping . We were looking for a decent digital camera to buy , since I left mine at the airport terminal in Sydney ! We haven 't decided on anything yet , as we 're going to take some time to research and ensure that we purchase a good camera . Parry showed me around Menidi 's main square . We sat ourselves down and had some " Goody 's " , a restaurant similar to McDonald 's . After some more walking around the streets , we separated as I headed to the internet café . I didn 't do much other than talk to my dad online . Upon leaving , I went to the vending machine . There were two sandwiches in there , next to eachother , and I couldn 't decide which one to get . Eventually , I put my € 2 coin in , and selected one . But by surprise , and as luck may have had it , both sandwiches came out . The sandwich I selected had brought the other sandwich down with it , and I took both back home to eat . And the one I didn 't choose was the one I liked better ! Go figure ! Back home , I was surprised yet again ; I received a text message from Iro ! I haven 't heard from her in a long time . I had left her a message on the forum , telling her my number , and she logged on today to get it . The last time she logged on was ages ago . How 's that for coincidence ? We had a quick chat , catching up with eachother via text messages . I will be meeting her at some point in the future . In the past , I 've had a difficult social life , but I can honestly say things are much easier for me now . I 've lived my life going through Asperger 's Syndrome and that has caused me a lot of my social difficulties . But I am a firm believer in living life to the fullest , and I believe you can achieve anything you set your mind to . |
Posted on June 25 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply That is where I left it all of those years ago , taking with me a head full of questions , a real feeling of having left things unresolved and that little toy car as a memento of my adventure . I had left reluctantly but also had sensed the danger I was in , a strange feeling that I would have thought impossible to experience in the civilized world . On my long drive back to my regular life I had vowed to go back at some point and keep seeking answers , much more brave as the distance between myself and Clyde Forks increased . I never did of course , life taking over and the pressing need to solve the mystery fading softly away . I would go back to it occasionally , usually triggered by some other event in my life , but it always seemed very distant and remote , all the burning questions consumed by time . I would dream about Clyde Forks sometimes , or some member of the cast of characters I had met , or stay up an extra few minutes wondering about my experience up there . Most of the time I found it hard to believe I had been so wrapped up in it , or so convinced of a great conspiracy . It was a just an innocent small town , weird for sure , but innocent . Listening to that podcast brought everything back in a wave of memory and those old events suddenly seemed much clearer than before . That led me to digging through a pile of old boxes until I found the journal I had kept on that trip . Sitting down and reading it left me with those questions I posed at the beginning of this story . How could I have just left and stopped looking into what happened up there ? And , what did it all have to do with this missing boy ? Posted on June 18 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply I heard a faint sound to my left and realized that Mabel was speaking , much too lowly for me to hear . I knelt down by the side of her chair , trying to catch what she was saying . She had a sad but defiant look on her face and was staring not at me , but at the reverend . I think she realized I had not heard her as she cleared her throat and resumed speaking a little more loudly , more like a loud whisper now . " So , you are going to be part of this cover - up too ? " I asked her . " Why did you bother to help me then , to give me the clue about the red crow ? That 's a big part of what got me tangled up in this in the first place . Why ? " " Listen , it 's really time for you to go . Like Mabel said earlier , we got you a few answers , not many and not all of them that you wanted I know , but a few . That 's all you 're likely to get . You have to leave . " I stood there , feeling unfulfilled , and staring out through the window into the church parking lot . This little bit of information only seemed to make the remaining questions seem even more important , more urgent . I really believed that a child was being hidden in this community but at the same time I had no definitive reason to believe that anything illegal had taken place . Who was this child , and to whom did it belong ? What was the exact nature of this supposed evil presence in the area ? Was it real or the fantasy of a heartbroken old man ? Or was it something else ? There did not seem to be anyone willing to help me figure these things out . And then there were a bunch of other questions , much smaller and less important , but they still made me feel crazy to think of them going unanswered . Maybe this place really did just have a much different way of living , of acting and of protecting its children . Perhaps the evil did not exist at all , or was just an exaggerated myth . It could be that I had managed to stumble into the quirkiest place in the world . It just all seemed so strange and weird . " Reverend , what else do you know about this place . You claim to know nothing but then you seem to have some information . You tell me that you just got here , even Otto called you a , I think it was a placeholder , but then you knew to come and rescue me today . You make vague allusions to other things you might know . " I made sure he was looking at me before I finished . " What are you really doing here ? " He smiled at me . " I 'm an outsider here , just like Otto said . I might know a few things , information passed down from the religious men who were here before me , but mostly I 'm just observant . That and curious . " He winked at me and gave a very small laugh . " I belong here , or at least I am part of the fabric and culture of this place . They expect one temporary religious man to always be present . You 're not part of it , and there is nothing that can change that . I 'm sure you 're not satisfied but it really is time to go . If it makes you feel better , remember this though as you leave . This talk today , it helped me too , gave me a little closure on my own experience at the mine . I guess her spirit must still be there . I think that is going to help me a lot . So thank you for that . Now , go and forget about this place , and please don 't talk about it . Give this place it 's peace . I 'll watch the kaleidoscope up here for you . " He made the twisting motion with his hands and opened the door . " You 'll be safe getting to your truck . Otto might be mad at you but he 'll be watching and won 't let any harm come to you . " " Son , your little temporary adventure is over . It 's time to go . " His voice conveyed a feeling of finality and also of warning . I shook my head but stepped out the door . It had just about closed behind me when I pushed it back with my hand . I peered inside and spoke to Mabel . " So , when I was talking to him he said that six people had gone missing , or maybe it was seven . " I stopped and tried going back in my memory , sticking up my fingers as I recounted the individuals in my head . Then I continued . " Ok , well , I think he said six , but then it was seven , and well , either way , there was always one that he didn 't want to talk about . " " Well , I don 't know exactly what he told you about but it was probably mostly about them people he was related to . Some miner was the first , his brother , just vanished one day right as they were closing up the camp around the mine . Then another couple of miners , or laborers maybe , one of them was his uncle . And crazy Hattie of course , that was his sister . " " Bat - shit crazy woman who used to wander around this area , muttering to herself , stripping off clothes and setting them on fire , walking around naked after that . Your friend from the house was forever bringing her clothes but she 'd just end up burning them again a few days later or tearing them to shreds . I never did figure out how she ever survived a winter , but she did , quite a few actually . But then one day he found her campsite abandoned , no trace of her around , then or ever . " Mabel reached over and touched my arm , giving Otto a cautionary look as she did so . " More people than that have turned up missing , and I 'm sure they included those other ones you mentioned . I think Otto was just telling you that there were three relatives that disappeared and that is what started the whole evil presence thing . " " What about the one that he refused to talk about ? I tried a couple of times but he never told me . Do you know about that person ? " " Please , let 's just get this done with , okay ? I don 't think that a little more information here is going to hurt . Please . " " It was a girl , one that was living with him . A relative had dropped the child off one day and then never came back . She was … ' " he went silent without finishing , a faraway look in his eyes . " She was ours , all of ours . He couldn 't take care of her right , well not right exactly , just completely , like she should have been taken care of . He was too old . So we all helped look after her . She was ours , a child for this place . Ours . " I did not think he was finished , and he did continue several moments later . " Then , one day , she was gone . Not a sign of her anywhere except this doll she played with , a golden - haired doll with a pink dress . " Otto clenched his eyes closed , tightly , and shook his head . I glanced over at Mabel , who was not hiding her tears . The reverend was wide - eyed and staring intently at Otto and I . " That doll , they found it on the path to the mine . And that 's all I know and all you need to know . Now leave ! " Which is what Otto did , slamming the office door behind him . The reverend leaned back and let out a very large sigh . " Well , I can 't say I expected any of that . What a story . Is it true ? " He asked this while looking at Mabel , who had still not bothered to clean up her face . " Not really . I 'm sorry , but it isn 't . The thing I really want to know is who lives in that house with , well , the guy I call Brown Suit ? " " I 'm not sure anyone does son . Maybe it 's just your imagination , maybe you are a little too wrapped up in this whole thing that you see as such a mystery . Don 't you think that you might just be making that part up ? " " No , I don 't . I felt like someone else was there when I was in the house , and I heard it later with my own ears . I heard a child , right here , right on that street back there , " I replied while pointing back in the direction of Cemetery Road . " What is the big secret here ? " " Yes . But that 's got nothing to do with any of the matter you are so worked up about . She was just a missing girl and I saw her in a car . " Mabel cut me off . " Listen , it 's not relevant as Otto already said . We 'll get you a few answers , but it will likely be a very few and you shouldn 't waste them on that Wilson girl . Otto here is a good man but protective of this place . " She had a kind look on her face but the tone in her voice was less friendly , much more matter - of - fact . I took her suggestion to heart and spent a minute trying to compose my thoughts . He looked over at the reverend , then at me and then at the floor before answering . " I 'll answer , maybe . You need to leave here , that 's what I think , just leave now and don 't bother us again . These two seem to think otherwise , like we owe you something . If it 'll get rid of you , I 'll answer … maybe . Why do you think we should help him anyway , reverend ? " The reverend leaned forward . " Because I 'm sure we don 't want to have anything unfortunate happen here and I think if you give him a few simple answers , well that will be enough to satisfy his curiosity . Then he can go in peace and we all go back to our regular lives . " " Who lives with Brown Suit ? " All I received was a blank look . I was about to get angry when I realized that my nicknames for these people were known only to me . " Ok , listen , nobody around here will tell me their name , or at least most people won 't . I don 't know why , but it seems to be a thing . I just figured her name out when the reverend said it . " Mabel looked back at me but did not offer to add anything . " So , I have nicknames for people . That guy at the end of the road , the house with the big tree down in the yard ? " Otto nodded in reply , so I figured that meant he understood who I was talking about . He , of course , did not offer me a name to use , so I went back to nicknames . " I call him Brown Suit . So , who lives with him ? " " This is not going to work . I 'm going back to my truck . " I stood up but the reverend waved me back down . " Take it easy . Remember that this information you want , well it really isn 't any of your business although you seem to have made it that way . I 'm trying to get you a few answers but you need to be patient . Maybe start with something else ? " " I mean , Brown Suit told me that a bunch of people have disappeared from this area . He believes that the mine is haunted by some evil thing , a presence that , well , I guess he believes it lives in this area . He thinks it travels around and he follows it , trying to feed this thing his rabbits . " I was met with silence which I thought meant they did not understand what I was saying so I added , " you know , so that the evil thing eats the rabbits instead of people . He thinks it feeds on life energy or something like that and that he can substitute rabbits for people because all life has this energy . " More silence followed that , which is when I realized that it was because I was not telling them anything they did not already know . It was just the silence of people listening to a well - known story . Otto looked over at me , waited a few moments and then spoke . " A few people went missing , sure they did . People go missing from all over . That 's not what 's making him believe in evil things . He believes in that because of who goes missing . " Several minutes later I was sitting in the church office once again , this time with Eyebrows in a chair across from me , fanning herself with a copy of a religious magazine . I felt very tired and was fighting to keep my attention on the moment as a long nap sounded like a much better option . The reverend stayed near the door , staring out the window for five minutes before joining us . He sat down heavily in his chair and rubbed his hand across his forehead . Eyebrows got up immediately , casting a hard look his way and muttering , " we all need something to drink , don 't you think ? " under her breath . She returned with a tray full of glasses and a pitcher of ice water , pouring one for each of us . I had just started to drink when a sharp knock sounded from the door , startling me enough to make me choke . Eyebrows looked at the reverend who had stood up so he could see out the small window . " It 's Otto . I wondered if he might show up . It 'll be okay . " He gave us both a small , reassuring smile and then let the man in . I turned to look and my weariness left me . It was Window Man . Up close he still looked pale but not grey , which had been my initial impression of him . His skin was actually almost translucent and waxy in appearance . When I had run past him earlier I had caught a closer glimpse of his eyes which seemed to be shiny and less green than I had first thought them to be . Now I saw that they were actually green with gold flecks that made them glow even in the subdued light of the church office . He was not wearing his hat but had on a grey vest with a red feather partially sticking out of the watch pocket . He spoke through thin , dark lips . " I 'm here to give you a simple message young man , not from those people down the road as I figure you got their message loud and clear . This one is just from me . You need to leave before you do some real harm to this community , or something happens to you . Do you understand me ? " His voice was high - pitched and raspy . " I 'm not here to harm anyone . I just came here to check out a stupid old abandoned mine and got tangled up in all of this weirdness you have around here . I 'm just trying to figure out what 's going on . " " This place may seem strange to you , but it 's just outside of your life experience . Things here are just as normal for us as they have always been . " As he finished he looked over at the reverend , then waved at Eyebrows . " It figures you two would be the ones to come save this fella . You two outsiders … " His voice trailed off , but then it came back , in the middle of a sentence which had obviously started in his head . " … understand a damn thing about this place . " Eyebrows snorted before replying . " Don 't you be telling me who 's an outsider , Otto Clements . I 've been here plenty long enough to see very clearly what this place is , its beauty and its flaws . Plenty of both , don 't ya think ? " " You got nothing to say about who should or shouldn 't know things about this place . You 're just another damn religious place - holder doing your turn in the woods . Stay out of what you don 't understand . " " I 'm really trying to help you Otto , help you save your community as I think you just put it . I know that you are the only one I have ever seen around here , other than Mabel , " and here he gestured toward Eyebrows , " that has shown any kindness to strangers that have passed through Clyde Forks . That 's why I thought you might show up after what just happened out there . And I also know that you aren 't a violent man and don 't want to see any kind of mob action take place here in this community that you care about so much . So , let me help you get this young man on his way . " I spoke up before the reverend could reply . " You think all these missing people are just normal ? You think that hiding children is some kind of innocent weirdness that I don 't understand ? I 'm going to get some answers or . " I stopped before finishing , as " die trying " seemed like a very bad choice of words given the earlier events . " Well , I 'm going to figure it out . " I finished with that instead . She nodded and left the room as the reverend turned to Window Man . " Otto , I know you mean well and that 's why I thought you might follow us here . You know as well as I , honestly much better than I , that there are things about this place which would probably strike any rational person as strange . At least , anyone who did not come from here . A lot of those things have simple explanations that are much more innocent than they might appear . I think we can clear up this matter a little bit for this young man and then get him safely on his way . Can you help me with that ? " As Otto silently considered that , my brain was trying to figure out why his name sounded familiar . Eyebrows , or Mabel as I now knew her to be , returned and set a chair directly behind him . He was sitting down when it came to me . Posted on May 7 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply I eyed each person as I approached them , my stomach turning in nervous anticipation of unknown possibilities , looking for any sign of immediate danger . The first person I passed I had not seen before , a stocky , dark - haired man with a fat face and thick forearms that stuck out of the torn - off sleeves on a faded plaid shirt . He grunted with every breath , his nostrils flaring and sweat running down his forehead . Then came a couple I was also unfamiliar with , both of whom glowered at me from behind identical pairs of horn - rimmed glasses . Than Mr . Overalls and a short , thin woman with a ruddy face and poorly dyed , but very bright red hair . He stomped a foot down as I approached , causing me to jump , which seemed to amused Red Hair . Another man , greasy and grimy from top to bottom , emerged from the auto parts garage behind them and spat in my direction . A few more steps up the road stood what I figured to be my real threat . Shotgun and the man standing with him . It could not have been his father , as I had learned he was dead , but maybe an uncle or other close relative . They looked remarkably similar , and equally threatening . I have to admit that I almost lost my nerve at that point , almost turned and ran back toward Brown Suit , back down the gauntlet of people who seemed like friends compared to what I now expected to encounter . A brief wave of nausea passed over me and I clenched my mouth , purposely biting my tongue to give me something else to think about . The billowing colors up near Clyde Forks Road caught my eye again and now I could see that it was Eyebrows who was standing with the reverend . Would she really let something happen to me ? Would these people actually do something terrible to me with those two watching them ? Were the reverend and Eyebrows even on my side , or were they simply the final part of this community action ? I was not sure but thought it a bad sign that neither her nor the reverend seemed willing to walk down the road to be with me . I resumed walking , a quiver in my knees , taking four steps before Shotgun moved the weapon from its resting place in his arms and leveled it at the ground off to my right . It did not move from there as I approached him and the man who was with him did not move either . Both sets of their eyes locked with mine and the message was clear . Don 't come down this road again . As I passed them , Shotgun starting swinging the weapon , keeping it aimed at the road just a little bit behind me . I could feel my stomach clenching and I was soaked in sweat by the time I had moved twenty feet further . Finally the weapon stopped tracking my progress and a wave of relief swept over me . I paused , bending over to rest my hands on my knees . Before I could think about it , I promptly threw up in the road , my mind taking that moment to be worried about what kind of impression that was leaving on these people . Wiping my mouth , I glanced back and saw the man next to Shotgun start to move the weapon off of his hip . I took off running immediately and did not stop the rest of the way , passing about ten other people at whom I did not even look . As I approached the sinking brick house , the last one on the road , I noticed that Window Man was there , leaning on his mail box but seemingly noncommittal about being involved in delivering the community 's message to me . He settled for a short nod in my direction and then turned back toward his house . Ten feet later I staggered to a stop in front of the reverend and Eyebrows and sunk to the ground , breathing heavily . The two of them were silent as I recovered , my breathing finally settling down although a tremor remained in my body , some residual effect of the fear I had felt coming up Cemetery Road . Finally , about three minutes after I had collapsed , Eyebrows reached down and took my arm , a gust of wind swirling her multi - colored shawl around my face . With a little extra effort I managed to stand up and she kept hold of me , guiding me out of the intersection and east toward the church . I could hear the reverend a few paces behind us , his shoes crunching against the road gravel . I started to protest . " Just let me , well , ok , I guess . " It did seem like a good idea to get inside somewhere safe . " What the hell , sorry , heck , was that all about anyway ? " We were almost out of the intersection of the two roads , and I turned my head quickly to look at my tormentors one more time . The shawl was still swirling in the breeze and I had to reach up with my left hand and push it away . I felt better , just a little bit defiant , making up for my fear I suppose , and I thought about flipping the bird to the people who had made me feel that way . As I pulled the shawl down , ready to face them , I was surprised to see that Cemetery Road was empty . Posted on April 30 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply I stayed there for a few minutes , feeling confused but safe in the embrace of the building . No wonder people seek out churches for refuge or sanctuary , as they do seem to have a sense of security embedded within their walls . I was tempted to stay , to maybe curl up in a pew and take a nap , but my curiosity got me moving . When I finally stood up to leave I had no better idea of what I was planning to do next than I had when I first sat down , but I was determined to keep trying to solve this mystery . By the time I had walked back to my truck it was too late to get anything else done that day . The afternoon had slipped into early evening and the buzz of insects , finally able to emerge from their daytime hiding places , filled the air . I set up my sleeping bag in the bed of my truck and then sat on the tailgate , rubbing myself up with insect repellent . I had just kicked off one boot when I heard it . A shout , youthful and excited , the kind of yelp small children give when opening a present or being given a puppy . It rang out as clear as a church bell on a still afternoon , and seemed to echo a little in the surrounding trees . Then there was a loud , thick bang , like a heavy piece of lumber falling onto cement , and then silence . By that time I was running down the road , one boot sloppily tied up and hindering my speed . I had no doubt about the direction that shout had come from , right down Cemetery Road , right from the house at the end . By the time I reached the edge of Brown Suit 's driveway , all was quiet and still . I could not even hear the insects anymore , but that was likely due to my pounding heart , which had the sound of blood booming in my ears . After a few deep breaths I marched up to the door and started banging on it , yelling for someone to open it up . When that got no response I walked around toward the rabbit enclosure and ran right into Brown Suit who seemed to be waiting for me . He stood there , taking up more space than it seemed possible , blue eyes flashing with anger but also tinged with apprehension . He put out one arm toward me . " I heard it , you know I did , I , you . " I stopped and took a few deep breaths , trying to compose myself and recover the ability to speak complete sentences . Brown Suit 's arm remained outstretched . " I heard that child again , it came from here , I know it did . You know it did . " " What about all of those toys back there , " I shouted , pointing toward the area behind the Red Crow barn , " and the bike , what about that ? " I started to move , to try to go around him but something about his posture told me that he was not going to let me pass , no matter what sacrifice it cost him . He was old and I should not have had a problem just pushing my way past , but in that moment it just did not seem possible . By then I had also managed to realize that I was definitely acting foolishly , trespassing on private property , yelling accusations at an old man , and even thinking about forcing my way further onto his property . I settled for a final threat . " I know you have a child here , and I 've been to Calabogie . " I was not sure as I spoke what I exactly meant by the last part of my threat . I did not have any definitive information tying that missing boy to this mystery , but then I did not have anything excluding him either . I guess I was trying to get some kind of reaction out of the old man but he remained silent , his facial expression unchanged . They all stood there , right at the end of their respective driveways , silently looking at me . Most of their arms were crossed and none of them looked friendly . Shotgun had his favorite weapon cradled in the crook of his arm , and next to him stood an older man who had a similar weapon propped into the air against his right hip . I looked behind me and Brown Suit had not moved , although his arm was down and his eyes now seemed amused . His lips did not move but I heard him . I moved slowly down his driveway and then stopped at the end of it , eyeing the assembled residents of Cemetery Road warily . I felt like my next step , off of Brown Suit 's property , represented some kind of boundary that I was not sure I wanted to cross . It was strange to think of his property as somewhere safe , or at least safer than what I might encounter once I stepped off of it . The sounds of the insects were back even though my heart was now pounding just as hard as it had been before . The buzzing seemed louder than it should have been , insistent and ominous , and was effecting my ability to think straight . Shadows were creeping into the road , the tips of garages and trees making shapes against the gravel . I was frozen in place and the journey back to my truck seemed like a very long one . I saw some movement up toward Clyde Forks Road and after a few moments realized it was Reverend Currie and someone else whom I could not make out . He stood directly in the middle of the road , hands clasped behind his back , looking right at me . The person next to him seemed to change shape , some billowing of various colors caught up in a breeze I could not feel where I stood . I was not sure what his presence meant for me , but it did help to get me moving . I took a minute to re - tie my boot and then stepped off , my right foot seeming to be in slow motion , and moved off of Brown Suit 's property . Posted on April 23 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply " I , I , well … , " my voice trailed off as I fought for an answer . I felt a little overwhelmed in that moment , and also not completely sure how much of my suspicions to share with this man . I had spilled my story to my co - worker at the loading dock in Almonte , but that did not seem the same as this current situation . Here I had a community of people who had indeed lost a small child and seemed to be pretty well spooked by it . Some version less than the truth seemed to be appropriate . " It 's that Jenny Wilson girl , have you heard about her ? " Carl shook his head in response and I told him the story , along with the fact that she may have been seen in a car around Clyde Forks after she was reported missing . My explanation seemed to satisfy Carl , who was telling me he was sorry he could not be of more help to me , when Martha opened the office door and peeked out . " Don 't let him lie to you Carl . He asked me about a missing boy , not no missing girl . He 's up to something , something no good I 'll wager . " She banged the door shut and Carl , forehead wrinkled in thought , turned to me . Caught in my own rushed lie , I shrugged and quickly walked out of the store . By the time I was back in my truck and driving down the street back the way I had come in , there were three rather unfriendly looking men standing with Carl outside of the bait shop . Feeling more afraid than I wanted to admit , I sped off and drove straight back to my spot at the intersection of Clyde Forks and Cemetery Road . It was mid - afternoon by then and much warmer than it had been in Calabogie . The woods seemed to keep the heat trapped near the road and there was no breeze present to stir it up or move it along . It was much too hot to sit around in my truck so I wandered aimlessly down Clyde Forks Road , my mind churning through ideas but not paying much attention to where I was going . When I finally realized where I was , Reverend Currie was staring back at me from the front steps of the church . His arms were folded across his chest but he smiled when I looked over at him and then waved a hand , beckoning me forward . I guess our previous interaction over the bottle of whiskey had not dampened his general hospitality . I followed him into the church and sat down in a pew , the reverend one row in front of me and turned halfway , his left arm hanging over the back . I had been in the foyer before and the office , but never all the way into the small main congregation area . It was brighter than I had expected , an airy feeling accompanied by a quiet , peaceful vibe . There were not any stained glass windows but there were still some fanciful displays of reflected sunlight on the walls from the skylight over the altar . " Good to see you again , " he began , " and my apologies for the other day . Not my best moment . It 's a bit of a dark side that I have , a personal demon . " I nodded my forgiveness , although I was not sure if he meant the drinking or the memory of the voice in the mine . Or maybe it was both . " I get it and I 'll leave it alone . Maybe I pushed too hard . I seem to be getting a little bit obsessed with this whole thing . I could tell whatever it was that happened in that mine , well , it spooked you pretty good . " He nodded back slowly , rubbing some light stubble on his face . " Yeah , it did . " There was a short pause , his eyes reflective and faraway , but then he was back in the moment . " So , what have you been doing since then ? I haven 't seen you around in a while and I figured we had all scared you off . " He gave a rueful smile as he finished . He did not reply for a few moments , staring back intently but silently at me . He whispered , " I tell you what I can , but you need to be careful , " before falling silent again . It was not a very satisfying statement but he did not seem inclined to elaborate . Finally he slapped his hand lightly on the back of the pew and asked me for a few more details on Jenny Wilson . I told him everything I had been able to find out and when I was done he shook his head . I waited . " Are you sure ? " I could hear the disappointment in my own voice . I had begun to think of my research into her story as a real piece of detective work , one that would help clear up at least some part of the mystery . The reverend was sure . " No way that voice belonged to anyone older than seven years old . " He sighed and continued . " It would have been nice though , if it had been , I would have known some more of the story anyway . And you found a missing girl that , well , it could have been her for sure , except for the age . Flower Station Road isn 't too far from here … , " his voice trailed off . " Evil exists , everywhere . " The reverend 's eyes were very intense as he spoke , his voice climbing a little in volume . " It takes different forms , acts in different ways , reveals itself at odd times and through strange vehicles . And people perceive all of those manifestations differently , through their own kaleidoscope is how I always put it . So , I 'm sure something evil exists around here . What do you see ? " His question took me aback for a few seconds as I had not expected to be asked to evaluate the idea of evil myself , or how it might apply to Clyde Forks . I thought he would be the expert in that area . I stayed silent and he repeated his question , this time holding his hands in front of his face , twisting an invisible kaleidoscope . Then he leaned over , squeezed my shoulder and spoke . " Beware of that image of evil , it shifts and changes , broken apart into small little glimmers of mismatched information . You need to see what it is before the picture comes into focus . " With that , he walked out the back door . Posted on April 17 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply At the end of that day , I slept one last time at the motel in Almonte and woke the next morning determined to chase down this new lead . I was not certain that I believed my tall co - worker 's assertion that people in the immediate area would not know about something that happened a mere thirty miles away . Perhaps I was just getting conspiracy - minded as I tried to solve this mystery about Clyde Forks . In any event I made the library my first stop , pulling into the small parking lot about ten minutes before it opened . When it did , the same thin , pale librarian with the green eyes who I had dealt with last time unlocked the doors . I asked him a few questions and soon realized that it was true after all ; people in this region of Canada basically kept to themselves and let the rest of the world worry about itself . His most poignant comment was , " If you want to find out something from Calabogie , well then , you better get on up there and figure it out . " When I commented back that he had been so helpful before , he merely replied that this had been because the info he gave me was about Clyde Forks . That was in Lanark County , and Calabogie most certainly was not . At least that gave me a better idea of what " local " meant to people in this area . He did give me directions and I spent a little over an hour on a scenic drive in a generally northern direction , stopping when I passed White Lake to admire the beauty of the area . Arriving around noon in Calabogie , I was impressed by even more beautiful scenery . The road I drove in on paralleled the Madawaska River which then spills into Calabogie Lake . The area , despite some surrounding shops and houses , seemed untouched by most of the other usual intrusions of larger city life . It was quiet and peaceful , filled with trees and summer flowers , slightly warm but with a erratic breeze blowing around the edges of the lake . I took a few minutes to admire it all as I thought about how to proceed . The clerk gave me a rather piercing look as she replied . " What do you want to know about that for , eh ? " She shook her light brown , curly hair , raised her drawn - in eyebrows and placed a hand on her right hip . It was not a friendly pose . I raised my hands up slightly , trying to lighten the tension . " Sorry , I surrender . I 'm not trying to stir anything up . I just was wondering what happened , that 's all . " " Why would you be wondering about it , then ? I figure the ones that should be wondering are the parents and police . Not strangers . " Her look this time was tinted with suspicion . " Unless you got something to gain by it , or know something about it yourself ? " The fact that I knew another town in the area seemed to lessen her hostility a little , although she did keep stepping backward , keeping the distance between us at about thirty feet even as I approached the counter . Eventually she was backed up against the wall , right next to a battered wooden door that seemed to open into an office . She called to someone through that door . " He 's asking about that McNeville boy that went missing last year . And he 's up to some kind of detective work over in Clyde Forks . " Having made that announcement she stepped quickly into the office and slammed the door shut . Carl grimaced and shrugged . " Don 't be too put off my Martha . She sees quite a bit of danger around here these days , since that boy went missing , I suppose . It took us all a little of guard , ya know what I mean , eh ? " Carl proceeded to tell me about a blonde , five year old boy who had disappeared while fishing with his family at a small lake just a little west of Calabogie . From what he told me it seemed as though the boy had disappeared into thin air , there one minute and gone just a few minutes later when his father went to look for him . Not a trace had been left anywhere in the area , including at the spot he was seen to be standing right before he disappeared . A massive police search had been undertaken but nothing had ever come of it . According to Carl , people in the area were of two distinct and separate mindsets . Carl shook his head . " I 'm no detective , and surely no one ever asked me my opinion . At least , no police or anyone like that . But I 've told plenty of folks what I think . If someone took him , it was someone from around here . " He sighed when he finished and ran his hand through his hair again . Then he looked at me . Posted on April 9 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply It was still early in the day but I decided to retreat to the motel for the remainder of it , both to ponder all of the mystery I seemed to be caught up in and also to figure out what I was going to do next . My financial situation was still precarious and would be getting critical fairly soon . After checking in , once again to what was becoming my usual room , I placed the small metal car on top of the banged up dresser and sat down to think . Where was I at ? I knew I had plenty of speculation running through my mind , but what real facts were there at this point ? I wrote this in my journal that day : Looking at that list I felt one thing very strongly - you do not know much , do you ? Basically , I seemed to have uncovered that Clyde Forks was a strange place , one that few people wanted to move to and where few children were born . It was populated by people who fit my idea of odd , but who may very well have been perfectly normal . Some of those people held strange ideas , all unsupported by actual corroborating evidence , and they did not seem very receptive to outsiders . That was hardly a basis for all of my fascination with this place . But then , I had definitely heard that child , a youngster that no one seemed to want to talk about , and who remained hidden from me . It was all a tantalizingly elusive mystery , one I decided I could not resist . With that decision though , came the need to make some more money , so I slept in the remainder of that day and night , and headed out to Almonte in the morning . It was not a large place but it was definitely a more centralized town , one where a person could expect to find some work . The location was picturesque as it sat right on the Mississippi River ( not the same as the one that cuts through the United States ) and the winding bends of the river gave the area a lazy and comfortable feeling . I went around to the various small stores and other businesses and soon had picked up a job helping to unload shipping containers . I spent a week that way , working fourteen hour days and collapsing into a bed at a shabby motel outside of the town at night . Almost everyone that I worked with had some version of my " on the road , in need of money " story and they all seemed to be from places far away from Almonte . It was on my last day of work , a cool Tuesday filled with drizzle and an occasional strong wind , that I finally ended up working with someone who had grown up in the area . It had really not been my intention to get into the whole reason I was working , or what I was doing in Clyde Forks , but the man I was teamed up with was a real talker and drew it out of me . He was tall , maybe six foot seven , and had the look of someone who did a lot of hard labor . He had a face etched by wind and sun , big forearms covered in tattoos of various women 's names and a casual but determined manner , like unloading the Titanic by himself would not be a big deal but he was going to take his time doing it . I resisted his repeated inquires into my situation for a few hours but then told him the whole story , partly because I wanted to but also so he would stop talking about his various , and colorful , past experiences . They were fascinating but inevitably vulgar and over - dramatized . This time he shrugged . " Thirty miles is a long way in these parts . It wouldn 't have made the news over here . Maybe check up in Calabogie . " With that he moved on , starting up another story , this time about " that god - damned gypsy traitor Fallon . " Copyright Notice © Jack Mesenbourg and A Raconteur 's Refuge , 2011 - 2017 . Unauthorized use and / or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog 's author and / or owner is strictly prohibited . Excerpts and links may be used , provided that full and clear credit is given to Jack Mesenbourg and A Raconteur 's Refuge with appropriate and specific direction to the original content . Top Posts & Pages A Faraway Song ( Part 30 ) Copyright Notice © Jack Mesenbourg and A Raconteur 's Refuge , 2011 - 2017 . Unauthorized use and / or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog 's author and / or owner is strictly prohibited . Excerpts and links may be used , provided that full and clear credit is given to Jack Mesenbourg and A Raconteur 's Refuge with appropriate and specific direction to the original content . |
Posted on June 25 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply That is where I left it all of those years ago , taking with me a head full of questions , a real feeling of having left things unresolved and that little toy car as a memento of my adventure . I had left reluctantly but also had sensed the danger I was in , a strange feeling that I would have thought impossible to experience in the civilized world . On my long drive back to my regular life I had vowed to go back at some point and keep seeking answers , much more brave as the distance between myself and Clyde Forks increased . I never did of course , life taking over and the pressing need to solve the mystery fading softly away . I would go back to it occasionally , usually triggered by some other event in my life , but it always seemed very distant and remote , all the burning questions consumed by time . I would dream about Clyde Forks sometimes , or some member of the cast of characters I had met , or stay up an extra few minutes wondering about my experience up there . Most of the time I found it hard to believe I had been so wrapped up in it , or so convinced of a great conspiracy . It was a just an innocent small town , weird for sure , but innocent . Listening to that podcast brought everything back in a wave of memory and those old events suddenly seemed much clearer than before . That led me to digging through a pile of old boxes until I found the journal I had kept on that trip . Sitting down and reading it left me with those questions I posed at the beginning of this story . How could I have just left and stopped looking into what happened up there ? And , what did it all have to do with this missing boy ? Posted on June 18 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply I heard a faint sound to my left and realized that Mabel was speaking , much too lowly for me to hear . I knelt down by the side of her chair , trying to catch what she was saying . She had a sad but defiant look on her face and was staring not at me , but at the reverend . I think she realized I had not heard her as she cleared her throat and resumed speaking a little more loudly , more like a loud whisper now . " So , you are going to be part of this cover - up too ? " I asked her . " Why did you bother to help me then , to give me the clue about the red crow ? That 's a big part of what got me tangled up in this in the first place . Why ? " " Listen , it 's really time for you to go . Like Mabel said earlier , we got you a few answers , not many and not all of them that you wanted I know , but a few . That 's all you 're likely to get . You have to leave . " I stood there , feeling unfulfilled , and staring out through the window into the church parking lot . This little bit of information only seemed to make the remaining questions seem even more important , more urgent . I really believed that a child was being hidden in this community but at the same time I had no definitive reason to believe that anything illegal had taken place . Who was this child , and to whom did it belong ? What was the exact nature of this supposed evil presence in the area ? Was it real or the fantasy of a heartbroken old man ? Or was it something else ? There did not seem to be anyone willing to help me figure these things out . And then there were a bunch of other questions , much smaller and less important , but they still made me feel crazy to think of them going unanswered . Maybe this place really did just have a much different way of living , of acting and of protecting its children . Perhaps the evil did not exist at all , or was just an exaggerated myth . It could be that I had managed to stumble into the quirkiest place in the world . It just all seemed so strange and weird . " Reverend , what else do you know about this place . You claim to know nothing but then you seem to have some information . You tell me that you just got here , even Otto called you a , I think it was a placeholder , but then you knew to come and rescue me today . You make vague allusions to other things you might know . " I made sure he was looking at me before I finished . " What are you really doing here ? " He smiled at me . " I 'm an outsider here , just like Otto said . I might know a few things , information passed down from the religious men who were here before me , but mostly I 'm just observant . That and curious . " He winked at me and gave a very small laugh . " I belong here , or at least I am part of the fabric and culture of this place . They expect one temporary religious man to always be present . You 're not part of it , and there is nothing that can change that . I 'm sure you 're not satisfied but it really is time to go . If it makes you feel better , remember this though as you leave . This talk today , it helped me too , gave me a little closure on my own experience at the mine . I guess her spirit must still be there . I think that is going to help me a lot . So thank you for that . Now , go and forget about this place , and please don 't talk about it . Give this place it 's peace . I 'll watch the kaleidoscope up here for you . " He made the twisting motion with his hands and opened the door . " You 'll be safe getting to your truck . Otto might be mad at you but he 'll be watching and won 't let any harm come to you . " " Son , your little temporary adventure is over . It 's time to go . " His voice conveyed a feeling of finality and also of warning . I shook my head but stepped out the door . It had just about closed behind me when I pushed it back with my hand . I peered inside and spoke to Mabel . " So , when I was talking to him he said that six people had gone missing , or maybe it was seven . " I stopped and tried going back in my memory , sticking up my fingers as I recounted the individuals in my head . Then I continued . " Ok , well , I think he said six , but then it was seven , and well , either way , there was always one that he didn 't want to talk about . " " Well , I don 't know exactly what he told you about but it was probably mostly about them people he was related to . Some miner was the first , his brother , just vanished one day right as they were closing up the camp around the mine . Then another couple of miners , or laborers maybe , one of them was his uncle . And crazy Hattie of course , that was his sister . " " Bat - shit crazy woman who used to wander around this area , muttering to herself , stripping off clothes and setting them on fire , walking around naked after that . Your friend from the house was forever bringing her clothes but she 'd just end up burning them again a few days later or tearing them to shreds . I never did figure out how she ever survived a winter , but she did , quite a few actually . But then one day he found her campsite abandoned , no trace of her around , then or ever . " Mabel reached over and touched my arm , giving Otto a cautionary look as she did so . " More people than that have turned up missing , and I 'm sure they included those other ones you mentioned . I think Otto was just telling you that there were three relatives that disappeared and that is what started the whole evil presence thing . " " What about the one that he refused to talk about ? I tried a couple of times but he never told me . Do you know about that person ? " " Please , let 's just get this done with , okay ? I don 't think that a little more information here is going to hurt . Please . " " It was a girl , one that was living with him . A relative had dropped the child off one day and then never came back . She was … ' " he went silent without finishing , a faraway look in his eyes . " She was ours , all of ours . He couldn 't take care of her right , well not right exactly , just completely , like she should have been taken care of . He was too old . So we all helped look after her . She was ours , a child for this place . Ours . " I did not think he was finished , and he did continue several moments later . " Then , one day , she was gone . Not a sign of her anywhere except this doll she played with , a golden - haired doll with a pink dress . " Otto clenched his eyes closed , tightly , and shook his head . I glanced over at Mabel , who was not hiding her tears . The reverend was wide - eyed and staring intently at Otto and I . " That doll , they found it on the path to the mine . And that 's all I know and all you need to know . Now leave ! " Which is what Otto did , slamming the office door behind him . The reverend leaned back and let out a very large sigh . " Well , I can 't say I expected any of that . What a story . Is it true ? " He asked this while looking at Mabel , who had still not bothered to clean up her face . " Not really . I 'm sorry , but it isn 't . The thing I really want to know is who lives in that house with , well , the guy I call Brown Suit ? " " I 'm not sure anyone does son . Maybe it 's just your imagination , maybe you are a little too wrapped up in this whole thing that you see as such a mystery . Don 't you think that you might just be making that part up ? " " No , I don 't . I felt like someone else was there when I was in the house , and I heard it later with my own ears . I heard a child , right here , right on that street back there , " I replied while pointing back in the direction of Cemetery Road . " What is the big secret here ? " " Yes . But that 's got nothing to do with any of the matter you are so worked up about . She was just a missing girl and I saw her in a car . " Mabel cut me off . " Listen , it 's not relevant as Otto already said . We 'll get you a few answers , but it will likely be a very few and you shouldn 't waste them on that Wilson girl . Otto here is a good man but protective of this place . " She had a kind look on her face but the tone in her voice was less friendly , much more matter - of - fact . I took her suggestion to heart and spent a minute trying to compose my thoughts . He looked over at the reverend , then at me and then at the floor before answering . " I 'll answer , maybe . You need to leave here , that 's what I think , just leave now and don 't bother us again . These two seem to think otherwise , like we owe you something . If it 'll get rid of you , I 'll answer … maybe . Why do you think we should help him anyway , reverend ? " The reverend leaned forward . " Because I 'm sure we don 't want to have anything unfortunate happen here and I think if you give him a few simple answers , well that will be enough to satisfy his curiosity . Then he can go in peace and we all go back to our regular lives . " " Who lives with Brown Suit ? " All I received was a blank look . I was about to get angry when I realized that my nicknames for these people were known only to me . " Ok , listen , nobody around here will tell me their name , or at least most people won 't . I don 't know why , but it seems to be a thing . I just figured her name out when the reverend said it . " Mabel looked back at me but did not offer to add anything . " So , I have nicknames for people . That guy at the end of the road , the house with the big tree down in the yard ? " Otto nodded in reply , so I figured that meant he understood who I was talking about . He , of course , did not offer me a name to use , so I went back to nicknames . " I call him Brown Suit . So , who lives with him ? " " This is not going to work . I 'm going back to my truck . " I stood up but the reverend waved me back down . " Take it easy . Remember that this information you want , well it really isn 't any of your business although you seem to have made it that way . I 'm trying to get you a few answers but you need to be patient . Maybe start with something else ? " " I mean , Brown Suit told me that a bunch of people have disappeared from this area . He believes that the mine is haunted by some evil thing , a presence that , well , I guess he believes it lives in this area . He thinks it travels around and he follows it , trying to feed this thing his rabbits . " I was met with silence which I thought meant they did not understand what I was saying so I added , " you know , so that the evil thing eats the rabbits instead of people . He thinks it feeds on life energy or something like that and that he can substitute rabbits for people because all life has this energy . " More silence followed that , which is when I realized that it was because I was not telling them anything they did not already know . It was just the silence of people listening to a well - known story . Otto looked over at me , waited a few moments and then spoke . " A few people went missing , sure they did . People go missing from all over . That 's not what 's making him believe in evil things . He believes in that because of who goes missing . " Several minutes later I was sitting in the church office once again , this time with Eyebrows in a chair across from me , fanning herself with a copy of a religious magazine . I felt very tired and was fighting to keep my attention on the moment as a long nap sounded like a much better option . The reverend stayed near the door , staring out the window for five minutes before joining us . He sat down heavily in his chair and rubbed his hand across his forehead . Eyebrows got up immediately , casting a hard look his way and muttering , " we all need something to drink , don 't you think ? " under her breath . She returned with a tray full of glasses and a pitcher of ice water , pouring one for each of us . I had just started to drink when a sharp knock sounded from the door , startling me enough to make me choke . Eyebrows looked at the reverend who had stood up so he could see out the small window . " It 's Otto . I wondered if he might show up . It 'll be okay . " He gave us both a small , reassuring smile and then let the man in . I turned to look and my weariness left me . It was Window Man . Up close he still looked pale but not grey , which had been my initial impression of him . His skin was actually almost translucent and waxy in appearance . When I had run past him earlier I had caught a closer glimpse of his eyes which seemed to be shiny and less green than I had first thought them to be . Now I saw that they were actually green with gold flecks that made them glow even in the subdued light of the church office . He was not wearing his hat but had on a grey vest with a red feather partially sticking out of the watch pocket . He spoke through thin , dark lips . " I 'm here to give you a simple message young man , not from those people down the road as I figure you got their message loud and clear . This one is just from me . You need to leave before you do some real harm to this community , or something happens to you . Do you understand me ? " His voice was high - pitched and raspy . " I 'm not here to harm anyone . I just came here to check out a stupid old abandoned mine and got tangled up in all of this weirdness you have around here . I 'm just trying to figure out what 's going on . " " This place may seem strange to you , but it 's just outside of your life experience . Things here are just as normal for us as they have always been . " As he finished he looked over at the reverend , then waved at Eyebrows . " It figures you two would be the ones to come save this fella . You two outsiders … " His voice trailed off , but then it came back , in the middle of a sentence which had obviously started in his head . " … understand a damn thing about this place . " Eyebrows snorted before replying . " Don 't you be telling me who 's an outsider , Otto Clements . I 've been here plenty long enough to see very clearly what this place is , its beauty and its flaws . Plenty of both , don 't ya think ? " " You got nothing to say about who should or shouldn 't know things about this place . You 're just another damn religious place - holder doing your turn in the woods . Stay out of what you don 't understand . " " I 'm really trying to help you Otto , help you save your community as I think you just put it . I know that you are the only one I have ever seen around here , other than Mabel , " and here he gestured toward Eyebrows , " that has shown any kindness to strangers that have passed through Clyde Forks . That 's why I thought you might show up after what just happened out there . And I also know that you aren 't a violent man and don 't want to see any kind of mob action take place here in this community that you care about so much . So , let me help you get this young man on his way . " I spoke up before the reverend could reply . " You think all these missing people are just normal ? You think that hiding children is some kind of innocent weirdness that I don 't understand ? I 'm going to get some answers or . " I stopped before finishing , as " die trying " seemed like a very bad choice of words given the earlier events . " Well , I 'm going to figure it out . " I finished with that instead . She nodded and left the room as the reverend turned to Window Man . " Otto , I know you mean well and that 's why I thought you might follow us here . You know as well as I , honestly much better than I , that there are things about this place which would probably strike any rational person as strange . At least , anyone who did not come from here . A lot of those things have simple explanations that are much more innocent than they might appear . I think we can clear up this matter a little bit for this young man and then get him safely on his way . Can you help me with that ? " As Otto silently considered that , my brain was trying to figure out why his name sounded familiar . Eyebrows , or Mabel as I now knew her to be , returned and set a chair directly behind him . He was sitting down when it came to me . Posted on May 7 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply I eyed each person as I approached them , my stomach turning in nervous anticipation of unknown possibilities , looking for any sign of immediate danger . The first person I passed I had not seen before , a stocky , dark - haired man with a fat face and thick forearms that stuck out of the torn - off sleeves on a faded plaid shirt . He grunted with every breath , his nostrils flaring and sweat running down his forehead . Then came a couple I was also unfamiliar with , both of whom glowered at me from behind identical pairs of horn - rimmed glasses . Than Mr . Overalls and a short , thin woman with a ruddy face and poorly dyed , but very bright red hair . He stomped a foot down as I approached , causing me to jump , which seemed to amused Red Hair . Another man , greasy and grimy from top to bottom , emerged from the auto parts garage behind them and spat in my direction . A few more steps up the road stood what I figured to be my real threat . Shotgun and the man standing with him . It could not have been his father , as I had learned he was dead , but maybe an uncle or other close relative . They looked remarkably similar , and equally threatening . I have to admit that I almost lost my nerve at that point , almost turned and ran back toward Brown Suit , back down the gauntlet of people who seemed like friends compared to what I now expected to encounter . A brief wave of nausea passed over me and I clenched my mouth , purposely biting my tongue to give me something else to think about . The billowing colors up near Clyde Forks Road caught my eye again and now I could see that it was Eyebrows who was standing with the reverend . Would she really let something happen to me ? Would these people actually do something terrible to me with those two watching them ? Were the reverend and Eyebrows even on my side , or were they simply the final part of this community action ? I was not sure but thought it a bad sign that neither her nor the reverend seemed willing to walk down the road to be with me . I resumed walking , a quiver in my knees , taking four steps before Shotgun moved the weapon from its resting place in his arms and leveled it at the ground off to my right . It did not move from there as I approached him and the man who was with him did not move either . Both sets of their eyes locked with mine and the message was clear . Don 't come down this road again . As I passed them , Shotgun starting swinging the weapon , keeping it aimed at the road just a little bit behind me . I could feel my stomach clenching and I was soaked in sweat by the time I had moved twenty feet further . Finally the weapon stopped tracking my progress and a wave of relief swept over me . I paused , bending over to rest my hands on my knees . Before I could think about it , I promptly threw up in the road , my mind taking that moment to be worried about what kind of impression that was leaving on these people . Wiping my mouth , I glanced back and saw the man next to Shotgun start to move the weapon off of his hip . I took off running immediately and did not stop the rest of the way , passing about ten other people at whom I did not even look . As I approached the sinking brick house , the last one on the road , I noticed that Window Man was there , leaning on his mail box but seemingly noncommittal about being involved in delivering the community 's message to me . He settled for a short nod in my direction and then turned back toward his house . Ten feet later I staggered to a stop in front of the reverend and Eyebrows and sunk to the ground , breathing heavily . The two of them were silent as I recovered , my breathing finally settling down although a tremor remained in my body , some residual effect of the fear I had felt coming up Cemetery Road . Finally , about three minutes after I had collapsed , Eyebrows reached down and took my arm , a gust of wind swirling her multi - colored shawl around my face . With a little extra effort I managed to stand up and she kept hold of me , guiding me out of the intersection and east toward the church . I could hear the reverend a few paces behind us , his shoes crunching against the road gravel . I started to protest . " Just let me , well , ok , I guess . " It did seem like a good idea to get inside somewhere safe . " What the hell , sorry , heck , was that all about anyway ? " We were almost out of the intersection of the two roads , and I turned my head quickly to look at my tormentors one more time . The shawl was still swirling in the breeze and I had to reach up with my left hand and push it away . I felt better , just a little bit defiant , making up for my fear I suppose , and I thought about flipping the bird to the people who had made me feel that way . As I pulled the shawl down , ready to face them , I was surprised to see that Cemetery Road was empty . Posted on April 30 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply I stayed there for a few minutes , feeling confused but safe in the embrace of the building . No wonder people seek out churches for refuge or sanctuary , as they do seem to have a sense of security embedded within their walls . I was tempted to stay , to maybe curl up in a pew and take a nap , but my curiosity got me moving . When I finally stood up to leave I had no better idea of what I was planning to do next than I had when I first sat down , but I was determined to keep trying to solve this mystery . By the time I had walked back to my truck it was too late to get anything else done that day . The afternoon had slipped into early evening and the buzz of insects , finally able to emerge from their daytime hiding places , filled the air . I set up my sleeping bag in the bed of my truck and then sat on the tailgate , rubbing myself up with insect repellent . I had just kicked off one boot when I heard it . A shout , youthful and excited , the kind of yelp small children give when opening a present or being given a puppy . It rang out as clear as a church bell on a still afternoon , and seemed to echo a little in the surrounding trees . Then there was a loud , thick bang , like a heavy piece of lumber falling onto cement , and then silence . By that time I was running down the road , one boot sloppily tied up and hindering my speed . I had no doubt about the direction that shout had come from , right down Cemetery Road , right from the house at the end . By the time I reached the edge of Brown Suit 's driveway , all was quiet and still . I could not even hear the insects anymore , but that was likely due to my pounding heart , which had the sound of blood booming in my ears . After a few deep breaths I marched up to the door and started banging on it , yelling for someone to open it up . When that got no response I walked around toward the rabbit enclosure and ran right into Brown Suit who seemed to be waiting for me . He stood there , taking up more space than it seemed possible , blue eyes flashing with anger but also tinged with apprehension . He put out one arm toward me . " I heard it , you know I did , I , you . " I stopped and took a few deep breaths , trying to compose myself and recover the ability to speak complete sentences . Brown Suit 's arm remained outstretched . " I heard that child again , it came from here , I know it did . You know it did . " " What about all of those toys back there , " I shouted , pointing toward the area behind the Red Crow barn , " and the bike , what about that ? " I started to move , to try to go around him but something about his posture told me that he was not going to let me pass , no matter what sacrifice it cost him . He was old and I should not have had a problem just pushing my way past , but in that moment it just did not seem possible . By then I had also managed to realize that I was definitely acting foolishly , trespassing on private property , yelling accusations at an old man , and even thinking about forcing my way further onto his property . I settled for a final threat . " I know you have a child here , and I 've been to Calabogie . " I was not sure as I spoke what I exactly meant by the last part of my threat . I did not have any definitive information tying that missing boy to this mystery , but then I did not have anything excluding him either . I guess I was trying to get some kind of reaction out of the old man but he remained silent , his facial expression unchanged . They all stood there , right at the end of their respective driveways , silently looking at me . Most of their arms were crossed and none of them looked friendly . Shotgun had his favorite weapon cradled in the crook of his arm , and next to him stood an older man who had a similar weapon propped into the air against his right hip . I looked behind me and Brown Suit had not moved , although his arm was down and his eyes now seemed amused . His lips did not move but I heard him . I moved slowly down his driveway and then stopped at the end of it , eyeing the assembled residents of Cemetery Road warily . I felt like my next step , off of Brown Suit 's property , represented some kind of boundary that I was not sure I wanted to cross . It was strange to think of his property as somewhere safe , or at least safer than what I might encounter once I stepped off of it . The sounds of the insects were back even though my heart was now pounding just as hard as it had been before . The buzzing seemed louder than it should have been , insistent and ominous , and was effecting my ability to think straight . Shadows were creeping into the road , the tips of garages and trees making shapes against the gravel . I was frozen in place and the journey back to my truck seemed like a very long one . I saw some movement up toward Clyde Forks Road and after a few moments realized it was Reverend Currie and someone else whom I could not make out . He stood directly in the middle of the road , hands clasped behind his back , looking right at me . The person next to him seemed to change shape , some billowing of various colors caught up in a breeze I could not feel where I stood . I was not sure what his presence meant for me , but it did help to get me moving . I took a minute to re - tie my boot and then stepped off , my right foot seeming to be in slow motion , and moved off of Brown Suit 's property . Posted on April 23 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply " I , I , well … , " my voice trailed off as I fought for an answer . I felt a little overwhelmed in that moment , and also not completely sure how much of my suspicions to share with this man . I had spilled my story to my co - worker at the loading dock in Almonte , but that did not seem the same as this current situation . Here I had a community of people who had indeed lost a small child and seemed to be pretty well spooked by it . Some version less than the truth seemed to be appropriate . " It 's that Jenny Wilson girl , have you heard about her ? " Carl shook his head in response and I told him the story , along with the fact that she may have been seen in a car around Clyde Forks after she was reported missing . My explanation seemed to satisfy Carl , who was telling me he was sorry he could not be of more help to me , when Martha opened the office door and peeked out . " Don 't let him lie to you Carl . He asked me about a missing boy , not no missing girl . He 's up to something , something no good I 'll wager . " She banged the door shut and Carl , forehead wrinkled in thought , turned to me . Caught in my own rushed lie , I shrugged and quickly walked out of the store . By the time I was back in my truck and driving down the street back the way I had come in , there were three rather unfriendly looking men standing with Carl outside of the bait shop . Feeling more afraid than I wanted to admit , I sped off and drove straight back to my spot at the intersection of Clyde Forks and Cemetery Road . It was mid - afternoon by then and much warmer than it had been in Calabogie . The woods seemed to keep the heat trapped near the road and there was no breeze present to stir it up or move it along . It was much too hot to sit around in my truck so I wandered aimlessly down Clyde Forks Road , my mind churning through ideas but not paying much attention to where I was going . When I finally realized where I was , Reverend Currie was staring back at me from the front steps of the church . His arms were folded across his chest but he smiled when I looked over at him and then waved a hand , beckoning me forward . I guess our previous interaction over the bottle of whiskey had not dampened his general hospitality . I followed him into the church and sat down in a pew , the reverend one row in front of me and turned halfway , his left arm hanging over the back . I had been in the foyer before and the office , but never all the way into the small main congregation area . It was brighter than I had expected , an airy feeling accompanied by a quiet , peaceful vibe . There were not any stained glass windows but there were still some fanciful displays of reflected sunlight on the walls from the skylight over the altar . " Good to see you again , " he began , " and my apologies for the other day . Not my best moment . It 's a bit of a dark side that I have , a personal demon . " I nodded my forgiveness , although I was not sure if he meant the drinking or the memory of the voice in the mine . Or maybe it was both . " I get it and I 'll leave it alone . Maybe I pushed too hard . I seem to be getting a little bit obsessed with this whole thing . I could tell whatever it was that happened in that mine , well , it spooked you pretty good . " He nodded back slowly , rubbing some light stubble on his face . " Yeah , it did . " There was a short pause , his eyes reflective and faraway , but then he was back in the moment . " So , what have you been doing since then ? I haven 't seen you around in a while and I figured we had all scared you off . " He gave a rueful smile as he finished . He did not reply for a few moments , staring back intently but silently at me . He whispered , " I tell you what I can , but you need to be careful , " before falling silent again . It was not a very satisfying statement but he did not seem inclined to elaborate . Finally he slapped his hand lightly on the back of the pew and asked me for a few more details on Jenny Wilson . I told him everything I had been able to find out and when I was done he shook his head . I waited . " Are you sure ? " I could hear the disappointment in my own voice . I had begun to think of my research into her story as a real piece of detective work , one that would help clear up at least some part of the mystery . The reverend was sure . " No way that voice belonged to anyone older than seven years old . " He sighed and continued . " It would have been nice though , if it had been , I would have known some more of the story anyway . And you found a missing girl that , well , it could have been her for sure , except for the age . Flower Station Road isn 't too far from here … , " his voice trailed off . " Evil exists , everywhere . " The reverend 's eyes were very intense as he spoke , his voice climbing a little in volume . " It takes different forms , acts in different ways , reveals itself at odd times and through strange vehicles . And people perceive all of those manifestations differently , through their own kaleidoscope is how I always put it . So , I 'm sure something evil exists around here . What do you see ? " His question took me aback for a few seconds as I had not expected to be asked to evaluate the idea of evil myself , or how it might apply to Clyde Forks . I thought he would be the expert in that area . I stayed silent and he repeated his question , this time holding his hands in front of his face , twisting an invisible kaleidoscope . Then he leaned over , squeezed my shoulder and spoke . " Beware of that image of evil , it shifts and changes , broken apart into small little glimmers of mismatched information . You need to see what it is before the picture comes into focus . " With that , he walked out the back door . Posted on April 17 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply At the end of that day , I slept one last time at the motel in Almonte and woke the next morning determined to chase down this new lead . I was not certain that I believed my tall co - worker 's assertion that people in the immediate area would not know about something that happened a mere thirty miles away . Perhaps I was just getting conspiracy - minded as I tried to solve this mystery about Clyde Forks . In any event I made the library my first stop , pulling into the small parking lot about ten minutes before it opened . When it did , the same thin , pale librarian with the green eyes who I had dealt with last time unlocked the doors . I asked him a few questions and soon realized that it was true after all ; people in this region of Canada basically kept to themselves and let the rest of the world worry about itself . His most poignant comment was , " If you want to find out something from Calabogie , well then , you better get on up there and figure it out . " When I commented back that he had been so helpful before , he merely replied that this had been because the info he gave me was about Clyde Forks . That was in Lanark County , and Calabogie most certainly was not . At least that gave me a better idea of what " local " meant to people in this area . He did give me directions and I spent a little over an hour on a scenic drive in a generally northern direction , stopping when I passed White Lake to admire the beauty of the area . Arriving around noon in Calabogie , I was impressed by even more beautiful scenery . The road I drove in on paralleled the Madawaska River which then spills into Calabogie Lake . The area , despite some surrounding shops and houses , seemed untouched by most of the other usual intrusions of larger city life . It was quiet and peaceful , filled with trees and summer flowers , slightly warm but with a erratic breeze blowing around the edges of the lake . I took a few minutes to admire it all as I thought about how to proceed . The clerk gave me a rather piercing look as she replied . " What do you want to know about that for , eh ? " She shook her light brown , curly hair , raised her drawn - in eyebrows and placed a hand on her right hip . It was not a friendly pose . I raised my hands up slightly , trying to lighten the tension . " Sorry , I surrender . I 'm not trying to stir anything up . I just was wondering what happened , that 's all . " " Why would you be wondering about it , then ? I figure the ones that should be wondering are the parents and police . Not strangers . " Her look this time was tinted with suspicion . " Unless you got something to gain by it , or know something about it yourself ? " The fact that I knew another town in the area seemed to lessen her hostility a little , although she did keep stepping backward , keeping the distance between us at about thirty feet even as I approached the counter . Eventually she was backed up against the wall , right next to a battered wooden door that seemed to open into an office . She called to someone through that door . " He 's asking about that McNeville boy that went missing last year . And he 's up to some kind of detective work over in Clyde Forks . " Having made that announcement she stepped quickly into the office and slammed the door shut . Carl grimaced and shrugged . " Don 't be too put off my Martha . She sees quite a bit of danger around here these days , since that boy went missing , I suppose . It took us all a little of guard , ya know what I mean , eh ? " Carl proceeded to tell me about a blonde , five year old boy who had disappeared while fishing with his family at a small lake just a little west of Calabogie . From what he told me it seemed as though the boy had disappeared into thin air , there one minute and gone just a few minutes later when his father went to look for him . Not a trace had been left anywhere in the area , including at the spot he was seen to be standing right before he disappeared . A massive police search had been undertaken but nothing had ever come of it . According to Carl , people in the area were of two distinct and separate mindsets . Carl shook his head . " I 'm no detective , and surely no one ever asked me my opinion . At least , no police or anyone like that . But I 've told plenty of folks what I think . If someone took him , it was someone from around here . " He sighed when he finished and ran his hand through his hair again . Then he looked at me . Posted on April 9 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply It was still early in the day but I decided to retreat to the motel for the remainder of it , both to ponder all of the mystery I seemed to be caught up in and also to figure out what I was going to do next . My financial situation was still precarious and would be getting critical fairly soon . After checking in , once again to what was becoming my usual room , I placed the small metal car on top of the banged up dresser and sat down to think . Where was I at ? I knew I had plenty of speculation running through my mind , but what real facts were there at this point ? I wrote this in my journal that day : Looking at that list I felt one thing very strongly - you do not know much , do you ? Basically , I seemed to have uncovered that Clyde Forks was a strange place , one that few people wanted to move to and where few children were born . It was populated by people who fit my idea of odd , but who may very well have been perfectly normal . Some of those people held strange ideas , all unsupported by actual corroborating evidence , and they did not seem very receptive to outsiders . That was hardly a basis for all of my fascination with this place . But then , I had definitely heard that child , a youngster that no one seemed to want to talk about , and who remained hidden from me . It was all a tantalizingly elusive mystery , one I decided I could not resist . With that decision though , came the need to make some more money , so I slept in the remainder of that day and night , and headed out to Almonte in the morning . It was not a large place but it was definitely a more centralized town , one where a person could expect to find some work . The location was picturesque as it sat right on the Mississippi River ( not the same as the one that cuts through the United States ) and the winding bends of the river gave the area a lazy and comfortable feeling . I went around to the various small stores and other businesses and soon had picked up a job helping to unload shipping containers . I spent a week that way , working fourteen hour days and collapsing into a bed at a shabby motel outside of the town at night . Almost everyone that I worked with had some version of my " on the road , in need of money " story and they all seemed to be from places far away from Almonte . It was on my last day of work , a cool Tuesday filled with drizzle and an occasional strong wind , that I finally ended up working with someone who had grown up in the area . It had really not been my intention to get into the whole reason I was working , or what I was doing in Clyde Forks , but the man I was teamed up with was a real talker and drew it out of me . He was tall , maybe six foot seven , and had the look of someone who did a lot of hard labor . He had a face etched by wind and sun , big forearms covered in tattoos of various women 's names and a casual but determined manner , like unloading the Titanic by himself would not be a big deal but he was going to take his time doing it . I resisted his repeated inquires into my situation for a few hours but then told him the whole story , partly because I wanted to but also so he would stop talking about his various , and colorful , past experiences . They were fascinating but inevitably vulgar and over - dramatized . This time he shrugged . " Thirty miles is a long way in these parts . It wouldn 't have made the news over here . Maybe check up in Calabogie . " With that he moved on , starting up another story , this time about " that god - damned gypsy traitor Fallon . " Copyright Notice © Jack Mesenbourg and A Raconteur 's Refuge , 2011 - 2017 . Unauthorized use and / or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog 's author and / or owner is strictly prohibited . Excerpts and links may be used , provided that full and clear credit is given to Jack Mesenbourg and A Raconteur 's Refuge with appropriate and specific direction to the original content . Top Posts & Pages A Faraway Song ( Part 30 ) Copyright Notice © Jack Mesenbourg and A Raconteur 's Refuge , 2011 - 2017 . Unauthorized use and / or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog 's author and / or owner is strictly prohibited . Excerpts and links may be used , provided that full and clear credit is given to Jack Mesenbourg and A Raconteur 's Refuge with appropriate and specific direction to the original content . |
Posted on June 25 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply That is where I left it all of those years ago , taking with me a head full of questions , a real feeling of having left things unresolved and that little toy car as a memento of my adventure . I had left reluctantly but also had sensed the danger I was in , a strange feeling that I would have thought impossible to experience in the civilized world . On my long drive back to my regular life I had vowed to go back at some point and keep seeking answers , much more brave as the distance between myself and Clyde Forks increased . I never did of course , life taking over and the pressing need to solve the mystery fading softly away . I would go back to it occasionally , usually triggered by some other event in my life , but it always seemed very distant and remote , all the burning questions consumed by time . I would dream about Clyde Forks sometimes , or some member of the cast of characters I had met , or stay up an extra few minutes wondering about my experience up there . Most of the time I found it hard to believe I had been so wrapped up in it , or so convinced of a great conspiracy . It was a just an innocent small town , weird for sure , but innocent . Listening to that podcast brought everything back in a wave of memory and those old events suddenly seemed much clearer than before . That led me to digging through a pile of old boxes until I found the journal I had kept on that trip . Sitting down and reading it left me with those questions I posed at the beginning of this story . How could I have just left and stopped looking into what happened up there ? And , what did it all have to do with this missing boy ? Posted on June 18 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply I heard a faint sound to my left and realized that Mabel was speaking , much too lowly for me to hear . I knelt down by the side of her chair , trying to catch what she was saying . She had a sad but defiant look on her face and was staring not at me , but at the reverend . I think she realized I had not heard her as she cleared her throat and resumed speaking a little more loudly , more like a loud whisper now . " So , you are going to be part of this cover - up too ? " I asked her . " Why did you bother to help me then , to give me the clue about the red crow ? That 's a big part of what got me tangled up in this in the first place . Why ? " " Listen , it 's really time for you to go . Like Mabel said earlier , we got you a few answers , not many and not all of them that you wanted I know , but a few . That 's all you 're likely to get . You have to leave . " I stood there , feeling unfulfilled , and staring out through the window into the church parking lot . This little bit of information only seemed to make the remaining questions seem even more important , more urgent . I really believed that a child was being hidden in this community but at the same time I had no definitive reason to believe that anything illegal had taken place . Who was this child , and to whom did it belong ? What was the exact nature of this supposed evil presence in the area ? Was it real or the fantasy of a heartbroken old man ? Or was it something else ? There did not seem to be anyone willing to help me figure these things out . And then there were a bunch of other questions , much smaller and less important , but they still made me feel crazy to think of them going unanswered . Maybe this place really did just have a much different way of living , of acting and of protecting its children . Perhaps the evil did not exist at all , or was just an exaggerated myth . It could be that I had managed to stumble into the quirkiest place in the world . It just all seemed so strange and weird . " Reverend , what else do you know about this place . You claim to know nothing but then you seem to have some information . You tell me that you just got here , even Otto called you a , I think it was a placeholder , but then you knew to come and rescue me today . You make vague allusions to other things you might know . " I made sure he was looking at me before I finished . " What are you really doing here ? " He smiled at me . " I 'm an outsider here , just like Otto said . I might know a few things , information passed down from the religious men who were here before me , but mostly I 'm just observant . That and curious . " He winked at me and gave a very small laugh . " I belong here , or at least I am part of the fabric and culture of this place . They expect one temporary religious man to always be present . You 're not part of it , and there is nothing that can change that . I 'm sure you 're not satisfied but it really is time to go . If it makes you feel better , remember this though as you leave . This talk today , it helped me too , gave me a little closure on my own experience at the mine . I guess her spirit must still be there . I think that is going to help me a lot . So thank you for that . Now , go and forget about this place , and please don 't talk about it . Give this place it 's peace . I 'll watch the kaleidoscope up here for you . " He made the twisting motion with his hands and opened the door . " You 'll be safe getting to your truck . Otto might be mad at you but he 'll be watching and won 't let any harm come to you . " " Son , your little temporary adventure is over . It 's time to go . " His voice conveyed a feeling of finality and also of warning . I shook my head but stepped out the door . It had just about closed behind me when I pushed it back with my hand . I peered inside and spoke to Mabel . " So , when I was talking to him he said that six people had gone missing , or maybe it was seven . " I stopped and tried going back in my memory , sticking up my fingers as I recounted the individuals in my head . Then I continued . " Ok , well , I think he said six , but then it was seven , and well , either way , there was always one that he didn 't want to talk about . " " Well , I don 't know exactly what he told you about but it was probably mostly about them people he was related to . Some miner was the first , his brother , just vanished one day right as they were closing up the camp around the mine . Then another couple of miners , or laborers maybe , one of them was his uncle . And crazy Hattie of course , that was his sister . " " Bat - shit crazy woman who used to wander around this area , muttering to herself , stripping off clothes and setting them on fire , walking around naked after that . Your friend from the house was forever bringing her clothes but she 'd just end up burning them again a few days later or tearing them to shreds . I never did figure out how she ever survived a winter , but she did , quite a few actually . But then one day he found her campsite abandoned , no trace of her around , then or ever . " Mabel reached over and touched my arm , giving Otto a cautionary look as she did so . " More people than that have turned up missing , and I 'm sure they included those other ones you mentioned . I think Otto was just telling you that there were three relatives that disappeared and that is what started the whole evil presence thing . " " What about the one that he refused to talk about ? I tried a couple of times but he never told me . Do you know about that person ? " " Please , let 's just get this done with , okay ? I don 't think that a little more information here is going to hurt . Please . " " It was a girl , one that was living with him . A relative had dropped the child off one day and then never came back . She was … ' " he went silent without finishing , a faraway look in his eyes . " She was ours , all of ours . He couldn 't take care of her right , well not right exactly , just completely , like she should have been taken care of . He was too old . So we all helped look after her . She was ours , a child for this place . Ours . " I did not think he was finished , and he did continue several moments later . " Then , one day , she was gone . Not a sign of her anywhere except this doll she played with , a golden - haired doll with a pink dress . " Otto clenched his eyes closed , tightly , and shook his head . I glanced over at Mabel , who was not hiding her tears . The reverend was wide - eyed and staring intently at Otto and I . " That doll , they found it on the path to the mine . And that 's all I know and all you need to know . Now leave ! " Which is what Otto did , slamming the office door behind him . The reverend leaned back and let out a very large sigh . " Well , I can 't say I expected any of that . What a story . Is it true ? " He asked this while looking at Mabel , who had still not bothered to clean up her face . " Not really . I 'm sorry , but it isn 't . The thing I really want to know is who lives in that house with , well , the guy I call Brown Suit ? " " I 'm not sure anyone does son . Maybe it 's just your imagination , maybe you are a little too wrapped up in this whole thing that you see as such a mystery . Don 't you think that you might just be making that part up ? " " No , I don 't . I felt like someone else was there when I was in the house , and I heard it later with my own ears . I heard a child , right here , right on that street back there , " I replied while pointing back in the direction of Cemetery Road . " What is the big secret here ? " " Yes . But that 's got nothing to do with any of the matter you are so worked up about . She was just a missing girl and I saw her in a car . " Mabel cut me off . " Listen , it 's not relevant as Otto already said . We 'll get you a few answers , but it will likely be a very few and you shouldn 't waste them on that Wilson girl . Otto here is a good man but protective of this place . " She had a kind look on her face but the tone in her voice was less friendly , much more matter - of - fact . I took her suggestion to heart and spent a minute trying to compose my thoughts . He looked over at the reverend , then at me and then at the floor before answering . " I 'll answer , maybe . You need to leave here , that 's what I think , just leave now and don 't bother us again . These two seem to think otherwise , like we owe you something . If it 'll get rid of you , I 'll answer … maybe . Why do you think we should help him anyway , reverend ? " The reverend leaned forward . " Because I 'm sure we don 't want to have anything unfortunate happen here and I think if you give him a few simple answers , well that will be enough to satisfy his curiosity . Then he can go in peace and we all go back to our regular lives . " " Who lives with Brown Suit ? " All I received was a blank look . I was about to get angry when I realized that my nicknames for these people were known only to me . " Ok , listen , nobody around here will tell me their name , or at least most people won 't . I don 't know why , but it seems to be a thing . I just figured her name out when the reverend said it . " Mabel looked back at me but did not offer to add anything . " So , I have nicknames for people . That guy at the end of the road , the house with the big tree down in the yard ? " Otto nodded in reply , so I figured that meant he understood who I was talking about . He , of course , did not offer me a name to use , so I went back to nicknames . " I call him Brown Suit . So , who lives with him ? " " This is not going to work . I 'm going back to my truck . " I stood up but the reverend waved me back down . " Take it easy . Remember that this information you want , well it really isn 't any of your business although you seem to have made it that way . I 'm trying to get you a few answers but you need to be patient . Maybe start with something else ? " " I mean , Brown Suit told me that a bunch of people have disappeared from this area . He believes that the mine is haunted by some evil thing , a presence that , well , I guess he believes it lives in this area . He thinks it travels around and he follows it , trying to feed this thing his rabbits . " I was met with silence which I thought meant they did not understand what I was saying so I added , " you know , so that the evil thing eats the rabbits instead of people . He thinks it feeds on life energy or something like that and that he can substitute rabbits for people because all life has this energy . " More silence followed that , which is when I realized that it was because I was not telling them anything they did not already know . It was just the silence of people listening to a well - known story . Otto looked over at me , waited a few moments and then spoke . " A few people went missing , sure they did . People go missing from all over . That 's not what 's making him believe in evil things . He believes in that because of who goes missing . " Several minutes later I was sitting in the church office once again , this time with Eyebrows in a chair across from me , fanning herself with a copy of a religious magazine . I felt very tired and was fighting to keep my attention on the moment as a long nap sounded like a much better option . The reverend stayed near the door , staring out the window for five minutes before joining us . He sat down heavily in his chair and rubbed his hand across his forehead . Eyebrows got up immediately , casting a hard look his way and muttering , " we all need something to drink , don 't you think ? " under her breath . She returned with a tray full of glasses and a pitcher of ice water , pouring one for each of us . I had just started to drink when a sharp knock sounded from the door , startling me enough to make me choke . Eyebrows looked at the reverend who had stood up so he could see out the small window . " It 's Otto . I wondered if he might show up . It 'll be okay . " He gave us both a small , reassuring smile and then let the man in . I turned to look and my weariness left me . It was Window Man . Up close he still looked pale but not grey , which had been my initial impression of him . His skin was actually almost translucent and waxy in appearance . When I had run past him earlier I had caught a closer glimpse of his eyes which seemed to be shiny and less green than I had first thought them to be . Now I saw that they were actually green with gold flecks that made them glow even in the subdued light of the church office . He was not wearing his hat but had on a grey vest with a red feather partially sticking out of the watch pocket . He spoke through thin , dark lips . " I 'm here to give you a simple message young man , not from those people down the road as I figure you got their message loud and clear . This one is just from me . You need to leave before you do some real harm to this community , or something happens to you . Do you understand me ? " His voice was high - pitched and raspy . " I 'm not here to harm anyone . I just came here to check out a stupid old abandoned mine and got tangled up in all of this weirdness you have around here . I 'm just trying to figure out what 's going on . " " This place may seem strange to you , but it 's just outside of your life experience . Things here are just as normal for us as they have always been . " As he finished he looked over at the reverend , then waved at Eyebrows . " It figures you two would be the ones to come save this fella . You two outsiders … " His voice trailed off , but then it came back , in the middle of a sentence which had obviously started in his head . " … understand a damn thing about this place . " Eyebrows snorted before replying . " Don 't you be telling me who 's an outsider , Otto Clements . I 've been here plenty long enough to see very clearly what this place is , its beauty and its flaws . Plenty of both , don 't ya think ? " " You got nothing to say about who should or shouldn 't know things about this place . You 're just another damn religious place - holder doing your turn in the woods . Stay out of what you don 't understand . " " I 'm really trying to help you Otto , help you save your community as I think you just put it . I know that you are the only one I have ever seen around here , other than Mabel , " and here he gestured toward Eyebrows , " that has shown any kindness to strangers that have passed through Clyde Forks . That 's why I thought you might show up after what just happened out there . And I also know that you aren 't a violent man and don 't want to see any kind of mob action take place here in this community that you care about so much . So , let me help you get this young man on his way . " I spoke up before the reverend could reply . " You think all these missing people are just normal ? You think that hiding children is some kind of innocent weirdness that I don 't understand ? I 'm going to get some answers or . " I stopped before finishing , as " die trying " seemed like a very bad choice of words given the earlier events . " Well , I 'm going to figure it out . " I finished with that instead . She nodded and left the room as the reverend turned to Window Man . " Otto , I know you mean well and that 's why I thought you might follow us here . You know as well as I , honestly much better than I , that there are things about this place which would probably strike any rational person as strange . At least , anyone who did not come from here . A lot of those things have simple explanations that are much more innocent than they might appear . I think we can clear up this matter a little bit for this young man and then get him safely on his way . Can you help me with that ? " As Otto silently considered that , my brain was trying to figure out why his name sounded familiar . Eyebrows , or Mabel as I now knew her to be , returned and set a chair directly behind him . He was sitting down when it came to me . Posted on May 7 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply I eyed each person as I approached them , my stomach turning in nervous anticipation of unknown possibilities , looking for any sign of immediate danger . The first person I passed I had not seen before , a stocky , dark - haired man with a fat face and thick forearms that stuck out of the torn - off sleeves on a faded plaid shirt . He grunted with every breath , his nostrils flaring and sweat running down his forehead . Then came a couple I was also unfamiliar with , both of whom glowered at me from behind identical pairs of horn - rimmed glasses . Than Mr . Overalls and a short , thin woman with a ruddy face and poorly dyed , but very bright red hair . He stomped a foot down as I approached , causing me to jump , which seemed to amused Red Hair . Another man , greasy and grimy from top to bottom , emerged from the auto parts garage behind them and spat in my direction . A few more steps up the road stood what I figured to be my real threat . Shotgun and the man standing with him . It could not have been his father , as I had learned he was dead , but maybe an uncle or other close relative . They looked remarkably similar , and equally threatening . I have to admit that I almost lost my nerve at that point , almost turned and ran back toward Brown Suit , back down the gauntlet of people who seemed like friends compared to what I now expected to encounter . A brief wave of nausea passed over me and I clenched my mouth , purposely biting my tongue to give me something else to think about . The billowing colors up near Clyde Forks Road caught my eye again and now I could see that it was Eyebrows who was standing with the reverend . Would she really let something happen to me ? Would these people actually do something terrible to me with those two watching them ? Were the reverend and Eyebrows even on my side , or were they simply the final part of this community action ? I was not sure but thought it a bad sign that neither her nor the reverend seemed willing to walk down the road to be with me . I resumed walking , a quiver in my knees , taking four steps before Shotgun moved the weapon from its resting place in his arms and leveled it at the ground off to my right . It did not move from there as I approached him and the man who was with him did not move either . Both sets of their eyes locked with mine and the message was clear . Don 't come down this road again . As I passed them , Shotgun starting swinging the weapon , keeping it aimed at the road just a little bit behind me . I could feel my stomach clenching and I was soaked in sweat by the time I had moved twenty feet further . Finally the weapon stopped tracking my progress and a wave of relief swept over me . I paused , bending over to rest my hands on my knees . Before I could think about it , I promptly threw up in the road , my mind taking that moment to be worried about what kind of impression that was leaving on these people . Wiping my mouth , I glanced back and saw the man next to Shotgun start to move the weapon off of his hip . I took off running immediately and did not stop the rest of the way , passing about ten other people at whom I did not even look . As I approached the sinking brick house , the last one on the road , I noticed that Window Man was there , leaning on his mail box but seemingly noncommittal about being involved in delivering the community 's message to me . He settled for a short nod in my direction and then turned back toward his house . Ten feet later I staggered to a stop in front of the reverend and Eyebrows and sunk to the ground , breathing heavily . The two of them were silent as I recovered , my breathing finally settling down although a tremor remained in my body , some residual effect of the fear I had felt coming up Cemetery Road . Finally , about three minutes after I had collapsed , Eyebrows reached down and took my arm , a gust of wind swirling her multi - colored shawl around my face . With a little extra effort I managed to stand up and she kept hold of me , guiding me out of the intersection and east toward the church . I could hear the reverend a few paces behind us , his shoes crunching against the road gravel . I started to protest . " Just let me , well , ok , I guess . " It did seem like a good idea to get inside somewhere safe . " What the hell , sorry , heck , was that all about anyway ? " We were almost out of the intersection of the two roads , and I turned my head quickly to look at my tormentors one more time . The shawl was still swirling in the breeze and I had to reach up with my left hand and push it away . I felt better , just a little bit defiant , making up for my fear I suppose , and I thought about flipping the bird to the people who had made me feel that way . As I pulled the shawl down , ready to face them , I was surprised to see that Cemetery Road was empty . Posted on April 30 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply I stayed there for a few minutes , feeling confused but safe in the embrace of the building . No wonder people seek out churches for refuge or sanctuary , as they do seem to have a sense of security embedded within their walls . I was tempted to stay , to maybe curl up in a pew and take a nap , but my curiosity got me moving . When I finally stood up to leave I had no better idea of what I was planning to do next than I had when I first sat down , but I was determined to keep trying to solve this mystery . By the time I had walked back to my truck it was too late to get anything else done that day . The afternoon had slipped into early evening and the buzz of insects , finally able to emerge from their daytime hiding places , filled the air . I set up my sleeping bag in the bed of my truck and then sat on the tailgate , rubbing myself up with insect repellent . I had just kicked off one boot when I heard it . A shout , youthful and excited , the kind of yelp small children give when opening a present or being given a puppy . It rang out as clear as a church bell on a still afternoon , and seemed to echo a little in the surrounding trees . Then there was a loud , thick bang , like a heavy piece of lumber falling onto cement , and then silence . By that time I was running down the road , one boot sloppily tied up and hindering my speed . I had no doubt about the direction that shout had come from , right down Cemetery Road , right from the house at the end . By the time I reached the edge of Brown Suit 's driveway , all was quiet and still . I could not even hear the insects anymore , but that was likely due to my pounding heart , which had the sound of blood booming in my ears . After a few deep breaths I marched up to the door and started banging on it , yelling for someone to open it up . When that got no response I walked around toward the rabbit enclosure and ran right into Brown Suit who seemed to be waiting for me . He stood there , taking up more space than it seemed possible , blue eyes flashing with anger but also tinged with apprehension . He put out one arm toward me . " I heard it , you know I did , I , you . " I stopped and took a few deep breaths , trying to compose myself and recover the ability to speak complete sentences . Brown Suit 's arm remained outstretched . " I heard that child again , it came from here , I know it did . You know it did . " " What about all of those toys back there , " I shouted , pointing toward the area behind the Red Crow barn , " and the bike , what about that ? " I started to move , to try to go around him but something about his posture told me that he was not going to let me pass , no matter what sacrifice it cost him . He was old and I should not have had a problem just pushing my way past , but in that moment it just did not seem possible . By then I had also managed to realize that I was definitely acting foolishly , trespassing on private property , yelling accusations at an old man , and even thinking about forcing my way further onto his property . I settled for a final threat . " I know you have a child here , and I 've been to Calabogie . " I was not sure as I spoke what I exactly meant by the last part of my threat . I did not have any definitive information tying that missing boy to this mystery , but then I did not have anything excluding him either . I guess I was trying to get some kind of reaction out of the old man but he remained silent , his facial expression unchanged . They all stood there , right at the end of their respective driveways , silently looking at me . Most of their arms were crossed and none of them looked friendly . Shotgun had his favorite weapon cradled in the crook of his arm , and next to him stood an older man who had a similar weapon propped into the air against his right hip . I looked behind me and Brown Suit had not moved , although his arm was down and his eyes now seemed amused . His lips did not move but I heard him . I moved slowly down his driveway and then stopped at the end of it , eyeing the assembled residents of Cemetery Road warily . I felt like my next step , off of Brown Suit 's property , represented some kind of boundary that I was not sure I wanted to cross . It was strange to think of his property as somewhere safe , or at least safer than what I might encounter once I stepped off of it . The sounds of the insects were back even though my heart was now pounding just as hard as it had been before . The buzzing seemed louder than it should have been , insistent and ominous , and was effecting my ability to think straight . Shadows were creeping into the road , the tips of garages and trees making shapes against the gravel . I was frozen in place and the journey back to my truck seemed like a very long one . I saw some movement up toward Clyde Forks Road and after a few moments realized it was Reverend Currie and someone else whom I could not make out . He stood directly in the middle of the road , hands clasped behind his back , looking right at me . The person next to him seemed to change shape , some billowing of various colors caught up in a breeze I could not feel where I stood . I was not sure what his presence meant for me , but it did help to get me moving . I took a minute to re - tie my boot and then stepped off , my right foot seeming to be in slow motion , and moved off of Brown Suit 's property . Posted on April 23 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply " I , I , well … , " my voice trailed off as I fought for an answer . I felt a little overwhelmed in that moment , and also not completely sure how much of my suspicions to share with this man . I had spilled my story to my co - worker at the loading dock in Almonte , but that did not seem the same as this current situation . Here I had a community of people who had indeed lost a small child and seemed to be pretty well spooked by it . Some version less than the truth seemed to be appropriate . " It 's that Jenny Wilson girl , have you heard about her ? " Carl shook his head in response and I told him the story , along with the fact that she may have been seen in a car around Clyde Forks after she was reported missing . My explanation seemed to satisfy Carl , who was telling me he was sorry he could not be of more help to me , when Martha opened the office door and peeked out . " Don 't let him lie to you Carl . He asked me about a missing boy , not no missing girl . He 's up to something , something no good I 'll wager . " She banged the door shut and Carl , forehead wrinkled in thought , turned to me . Caught in my own rushed lie , I shrugged and quickly walked out of the store . By the time I was back in my truck and driving down the street back the way I had come in , there were three rather unfriendly looking men standing with Carl outside of the bait shop . Feeling more afraid than I wanted to admit , I sped off and drove straight back to my spot at the intersection of Clyde Forks and Cemetery Road . It was mid - afternoon by then and much warmer than it had been in Calabogie . The woods seemed to keep the heat trapped near the road and there was no breeze present to stir it up or move it along . It was much too hot to sit around in my truck so I wandered aimlessly down Clyde Forks Road , my mind churning through ideas but not paying much attention to where I was going . When I finally realized where I was , Reverend Currie was staring back at me from the front steps of the church . His arms were folded across his chest but he smiled when I looked over at him and then waved a hand , beckoning me forward . I guess our previous interaction over the bottle of whiskey had not dampened his general hospitality . I followed him into the church and sat down in a pew , the reverend one row in front of me and turned halfway , his left arm hanging over the back . I had been in the foyer before and the office , but never all the way into the small main congregation area . It was brighter than I had expected , an airy feeling accompanied by a quiet , peaceful vibe . There were not any stained glass windows but there were still some fanciful displays of reflected sunlight on the walls from the skylight over the altar . " Good to see you again , " he began , " and my apologies for the other day . Not my best moment . It 's a bit of a dark side that I have , a personal demon . " I nodded my forgiveness , although I was not sure if he meant the drinking or the memory of the voice in the mine . Or maybe it was both . " I get it and I 'll leave it alone . Maybe I pushed too hard . I seem to be getting a little bit obsessed with this whole thing . I could tell whatever it was that happened in that mine , well , it spooked you pretty good . " He nodded back slowly , rubbing some light stubble on his face . " Yeah , it did . " There was a short pause , his eyes reflective and faraway , but then he was back in the moment . " So , what have you been doing since then ? I haven 't seen you around in a while and I figured we had all scared you off . " He gave a rueful smile as he finished . He did not reply for a few moments , staring back intently but silently at me . He whispered , " I tell you what I can , but you need to be careful , " before falling silent again . It was not a very satisfying statement but he did not seem inclined to elaborate . Finally he slapped his hand lightly on the back of the pew and asked me for a few more details on Jenny Wilson . I told him everything I had been able to find out and when I was done he shook his head . I waited . " Are you sure ? " I could hear the disappointment in my own voice . I had begun to think of my research into her story as a real piece of detective work , one that would help clear up at least some part of the mystery . The reverend was sure . " No way that voice belonged to anyone older than seven years old . " He sighed and continued . " It would have been nice though , if it had been , I would have known some more of the story anyway . And you found a missing girl that , well , it could have been her for sure , except for the age . Flower Station Road isn 't too far from here … , " his voice trailed off . " Evil exists , everywhere . " The reverend 's eyes were very intense as he spoke , his voice climbing a little in volume . " It takes different forms , acts in different ways , reveals itself at odd times and through strange vehicles . And people perceive all of those manifestations differently , through their own kaleidoscope is how I always put it . So , I 'm sure something evil exists around here . What do you see ? " His question took me aback for a few seconds as I had not expected to be asked to evaluate the idea of evil myself , or how it might apply to Clyde Forks . I thought he would be the expert in that area . I stayed silent and he repeated his question , this time holding his hands in front of his face , twisting an invisible kaleidoscope . Then he leaned over , squeezed my shoulder and spoke . " Beware of that image of evil , it shifts and changes , broken apart into small little glimmers of mismatched information . You need to see what it is before the picture comes into focus . " With that , he walked out the back door . Posted on April 17 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply At the end of that day , I slept one last time at the motel in Almonte and woke the next morning determined to chase down this new lead . I was not certain that I believed my tall co - worker 's assertion that people in the immediate area would not know about something that happened a mere thirty miles away . Perhaps I was just getting conspiracy - minded as I tried to solve this mystery about Clyde Forks . In any event I made the library my first stop , pulling into the small parking lot about ten minutes before it opened . When it did , the same thin , pale librarian with the green eyes who I had dealt with last time unlocked the doors . I asked him a few questions and soon realized that it was true after all ; people in this region of Canada basically kept to themselves and let the rest of the world worry about itself . His most poignant comment was , " If you want to find out something from Calabogie , well then , you better get on up there and figure it out . " When I commented back that he had been so helpful before , he merely replied that this had been because the info he gave me was about Clyde Forks . That was in Lanark County , and Calabogie most certainly was not . At least that gave me a better idea of what " local " meant to people in this area . He did give me directions and I spent a little over an hour on a scenic drive in a generally northern direction , stopping when I passed White Lake to admire the beauty of the area . Arriving around noon in Calabogie , I was impressed by even more beautiful scenery . The road I drove in on paralleled the Madawaska River which then spills into Calabogie Lake . The area , despite some surrounding shops and houses , seemed untouched by most of the other usual intrusions of larger city life . It was quiet and peaceful , filled with trees and summer flowers , slightly warm but with a erratic breeze blowing around the edges of the lake . I took a few minutes to admire it all as I thought about how to proceed . The clerk gave me a rather piercing look as she replied . " What do you want to know about that for , eh ? " She shook her light brown , curly hair , raised her drawn - in eyebrows and placed a hand on her right hip . It was not a friendly pose . I raised my hands up slightly , trying to lighten the tension . " Sorry , I surrender . I 'm not trying to stir anything up . I just was wondering what happened , that 's all . " " Why would you be wondering about it , then ? I figure the ones that should be wondering are the parents and police . Not strangers . " Her look this time was tinted with suspicion . " Unless you got something to gain by it , or know something about it yourself ? " The fact that I knew another town in the area seemed to lessen her hostility a little , although she did keep stepping backward , keeping the distance between us at about thirty feet even as I approached the counter . Eventually she was backed up against the wall , right next to a battered wooden door that seemed to open into an office . She called to someone through that door . " He 's asking about that McNeville boy that went missing last year . And he 's up to some kind of detective work over in Clyde Forks . " Having made that announcement she stepped quickly into the office and slammed the door shut . Carl grimaced and shrugged . " Don 't be too put off my Martha . She sees quite a bit of danger around here these days , since that boy went missing , I suppose . It took us all a little of guard , ya know what I mean , eh ? " Carl proceeded to tell me about a blonde , five year old boy who had disappeared while fishing with his family at a small lake just a little west of Calabogie . From what he told me it seemed as though the boy had disappeared into thin air , there one minute and gone just a few minutes later when his father went to look for him . Not a trace had been left anywhere in the area , including at the spot he was seen to be standing right before he disappeared . A massive police search had been undertaken but nothing had ever come of it . According to Carl , people in the area were of two distinct and separate mindsets . Carl shook his head . " I 'm no detective , and surely no one ever asked me my opinion . At least , no police or anyone like that . But I 've told plenty of folks what I think . If someone took him , it was someone from around here . " He sighed when he finished and ran his hand through his hair again . Then he looked at me . Posted on April 9 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply It was still early in the day but I decided to retreat to the motel for the remainder of it , both to ponder all of the mystery I seemed to be caught up in and also to figure out what I was going to do next . My financial situation was still precarious and would be getting critical fairly soon . After checking in , once again to what was becoming my usual room , I placed the small metal car on top of the banged up dresser and sat down to think . Where was I at ? I knew I had plenty of speculation running through my mind , but what real facts were there at this point ? I wrote this in my journal that day : Looking at that list I felt one thing very strongly - you do not know much , do you ? Basically , I seemed to have uncovered that Clyde Forks was a strange place , one that few people wanted to move to and where few children were born . It was populated by people who fit my idea of odd , but who may very well have been perfectly normal . Some of those people held strange ideas , all unsupported by actual corroborating evidence , and they did not seem very receptive to outsiders . That was hardly a basis for all of my fascination with this place . But then , I had definitely heard that child , a youngster that no one seemed to want to talk about , and who remained hidden from me . It was all a tantalizingly elusive mystery , one I decided I could not resist . With that decision though , came the need to make some more money , so I slept in the remainder of that day and night , and headed out to Almonte in the morning . It was not a large place but it was definitely a more centralized town , one where a person could expect to find some work . The location was picturesque as it sat right on the Mississippi River ( not the same as the one that cuts through the United States ) and the winding bends of the river gave the area a lazy and comfortable feeling . I went around to the various small stores and other businesses and soon had picked up a job helping to unload shipping containers . I spent a week that way , working fourteen hour days and collapsing into a bed at a shabby motel outside of the town at night . Almost everyone that I worked with had some version of my " on the road , in need of money " story and they all seemed to be from places far away from Almonte . It was on my last day of work , a cool Tuesday filled with drizzle and an occasional strong wind , that I finally ended up working with someone who had grown up in the area . It had really not been my intention to get into the whole reason I was working , or what I was doing in Clyde Forks , but the man I was teamed up with was a real talker and drew it out of me . He was tall , maybe six foot seven , and had the look of someone who did a lot of hard labor . He had a face etched by wind and sun , big forearms covered in tattoos of various women 's names and a casual but determined manner , like unloading the Titanic by himself would not be a big deal but he was going to take his time doing it . I resisted his repeated inquires into my situation for a few hours but then told him the whole story , partly because I wanted to but also so he would stop talking about his various , and colorful , past experiences . They were fascinating but inevitably vulgar and over - dramatized . This time he shrugged . " Thirty miles is a long way in these parts . It wouldn 't have made the news over here . Maybe check up in Calabogie . " With that he moved on , starting up another story , this time about " that god - damned gypsy traitor Fallon . " Copyright Notice © Jack Mesenbourg and A Raconteur 's Refuge , 2011 - 2017 . Unauthorized use and / or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog 's author and / or owner is strictly prohibited . Excerpts and links may be used , provided that full and clear credit is given to Jack Mesenbourg and A Raconteur 's Refuge with appropriate and specific direction to the original content . Top Posts & Pages A Faraway Song ( Part 30 ) Copyright Notice © Jack Mesenbourg and A Raconteur 's Refuge , 2011 - 2017 . Unauthorized use and / or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog 's author and / or owner is strictly prohibited . Excerpts and links may be used , provided that full and clear credit is given to Jack Mesenbourg and A Raconteur 's Refuge with appropriate and specific direction to the original content . |
Posted on June 25 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply That is where I left it all of those years ago , taking with me a head full of questions , a real feeling of having left things unresolved and that little toy car as a memento of my adventure . I had left reluctantly but also had sensed the danger I was in , a strange feeling that I would have thought impossible to experience in the civilized world . On my long drive back to my regular life I had vowed to go back at some point and keep seeking answers , much more brave as the distance between myself and Clyde Forks increased . I never did of course , life taking over and the pressing need to solve the mystery fading softly away . I would go back to it occasionally , usually triggered by some other event in my life , but it always seemed very distant and remote , all the burning questions consumed by time . I would dream about Clyde Forks sometimes , or some member of the cast of characters I had met , or stay up an extra few minutes wondering about my experience up there . Most of the time I found it hard to believe I had been so wrapped up in it , or so convinced of a great conspiracy . It was a just an innocent small town , weird for sure , but innocent . Listening to that podcast brought everything back in a wave of memory and those old events suddenly seemed much clearer than before . That led me to digging through a pile of old boxes until I found the journal I had kept on that trip . Sitting down and reading it left me with those questions I posed at the beginning of this story . How could I have just left and stopped looking into what happened up there ? And , what did it all have to do with this missing boy ? Posted on June 18 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply I heard a faint sound to my left and realized that Mabel was speaking , much too lowly for me to hear . I knelt down by the side of her chair , trying to catch what she was saying . She had a sad but defiant look on her face and was staring not at me , but at the reverend . I think she realized I had not heard her as she cleared her throat and resumed speaking a little more loudly , more like a loud whisper now . " So , you are going to be part of this cover - up too ? " I asked her . " Why did you bother to help me then , to give me the clue about the red crow ? That 's a big part of what got me tangled up in this in the first place . Why ? " " Listen , it 's really time for you to go . Like Mabel said earlier , we got you a few answers , not many and not all of them that you wanted I know , but a few . That 's all you 're likely to get . You have to leave . " I stood there , feeling unfulfilled , and staring out through the window into the church parking lot . This little bit of information only seemed to make the remaining questions seem even more important , more urgent . I really believed that a child was being hidden in this community but at the same time I had no definitive reason to believe that anything illegal had taken place . Who was this child , and to whom did it belong ? What was the exact nature of this supposed evil presence in the area ? Was it real or the fantasy of a heartbroken old man ? Or was it something else ? There did not seem to be anyone willing to help me figure these things out . And then there were a bunch of other questions , much smaller and less important , but they still made me feel crazy to think of them going unanswered . Maybe this place really did just have a much different way of living , of acting and of protecting its children . Perhaps the evil did not exist at all , or was just an exaggerated myth . It could be that I had managed to stumble into the quirkiest place in the world . It just all seemed so strange and weird . " Reverend , what else do you know about this place . You claim to know nothing but then you seem to have some information . You tell me that you just got here , even Otto called you a , I think it was a placeholder , but then you knew to come and rescue me today . You make vague allusions to other things you might know . " I made sure he was looking at me before I finished . " What are you really doing here ? " He smiled at me . " I 'm an outsider here , just like Otto said . I might know a few things , information passed down from the religious men who were here before me , but mostly I 'm just observant . That and curious . " He winked at me and gave a very small laugh . " I belong here , or at least I am part of the fabric and culture of this place . They expect one temporary religious man to always be present . You 're not part of it , and there is nothing that can change that . I 'm sure you 're not satisfied but it really is time to go . If it makes you feel better , remember this though as you leave . This talk today , it helped me too , gave me a little closure on my own experience at the mine . I guess her spirit must still be there . I think that is going to help me a lot . So thank you for that . Now , go and forget about this place , and please don 't talk about it . Give this place it 's peace . I 'll watch the kaleidoscope up here for you . " He made the twisting motion with his hands and opened the door . " You 'll be safe getting to your truck . Otto might be mad at you but he 'll be watching and won 't let any harm come to you . " " Son , your little temporary adventure is over . It 's time to go . " His voice conveyed a feeling of finality and also of warning . I shook my head but stepped out the door . It had just about closed behind me when I pushed it back with my hand . I peered inside and spoke to Mabel . " So , when I was talking to him he said that six people had gone missing , or maybe it was seven . " I stopped and tried going back in my memory , sticking up my fingers as I recounted the individuals in my head . Then I continued . " Ok , well , I think he said six , but then it was seven , and well , either way , there was always one that he didn 't want to talk about . " " Well , I don 't know exactly what he told you about but it was probably mostly about them people he was related to . Some miner was the first , his brother , just vanished one day right as they were closing up the camp around the mine . Then another couple of miners , or laborers maybe , one of them was his uncle . And crazy Hattie of course , that was his sister . " " Bat - shit crazy woman who used to wander around this area , muttering to herself , stripping off clothes and setting them on fire , walking around naked after that . Your friend from the house was forever bringing her clothes but she 'd just end up burning them again a few days later or tearing them to shreds . I never did figure out how she ever survived a winter , but she did , quite a few actually . But then one day he found her campsite abandoned , no trace of her around , then or ever . " Mabel reached over and touched my arm , giving Otto a cautionary look as she did so . " More people than that have turned up missing , and I 'm sure they included those other ones you mentioned . I think Otto was just telling you that there were three relatives that disappeared and that is what started the whole evil presence thing . " " What about the one that he refused to talk about ? I tried a couple of times but he never told me . Do you know about that person ? " " Please , let 's just get this done with , okay ? I don 't think that a little more information here is going to hurt . Please . " " It was a girl , one that was living with him . A relative had dropped the child off one day and then never came back . She was … ' " he went silent without finishing , a faraway look in his eyes . " She was ours , all of ours . He couldn 't take care of her right , well not right exactly , just completely , like she should have been taken care of . He was too old . So we all helped look after her . She was ours , a child for this place . Ours . " I did not think he was finished , and he did continue several moments later . " Then , one day , she was gone . Not a sign of her anywhere except this doll she played with , a golden - haired doll with a pink dress . " Otto clenched his eyes closed , tightly , and shook his head . I glanced over at Mabel , who was not hiding her tears . The reverend was wide - eyed and staring intently at Otto and I . " That doll , they found it on the path to the mine . And that 's all I know and all you need to know . Now leave ! " Which is what Otto did , slamming the office door behind him . The reverend leaned back and let out a very large sigh . " Well , I can 't say I expected any of that . What a story . Is it true ? " He asked this while looking at Mabel , who had still not bothered to clean up her face . " Not really . I 'm sorry , but it isn 't . The thing I really want to know is who lives in that house with , well , the guy I call Brown Suit ? " " I 'm not sure anyone does son . Maybe it 's just your imagination , maybe you are a little too wrapped up in this whole thing that you see as such a mystery . Don 't you think that you might just be making that part up ? " " No , I don 't . I felt like someone else was there when I was in the house , and I heard it later with my own ears . I heard a child , right here , right on that street back there , " I replied while pointing back in the direction of Cemetery Road . " What is the big secret here ? " " Yes . But that 's got nothing to do with any of the matter you are so worked up about . She was just a missing girl and I saw her in a car . " Mabel cut me off . " Listen , it 's not relevant as Otto already said . We 'll get you a few answers , but it will likely be a very few and you shouldn 't waste them on that Wilson girl . Otto here is a good man but protective of this place . " She had a kind look on her face but the tone in her voice was less friendly , much more matter - of - fact . I took her suggestion to heart and spent a minute trying to compose my thoughts . He looked over at the reverend , then at me and then at the floor before answering . " I 'll answer , maybe . You need to leave here , that 's what I think , just leave now and don 't bother us again . These two seem to think otherwise , like we owe you something . If it 'll get rid of you , I 'll answer … maybe . Why do you think we should help him anyway , reverend ? " The reverend leaned forward . " Because I 'm sure we don 't want to have anything unfortunate happen here and I think if you give him a few simple answers , well that will be enough to satisfy his curiosity . Then he can go in peace and we all go back to our regular lives . " " Who lives with Brown Suit ? " All I received was a blank look . I was about to get angry when I realized that my nicknames for these people were known only to me . " Ok , listen , nobody around here will tell me their name , or at least most people won 't . I don 't know why , but it seems to be a thing . I just figured her name out when the reverend said it . " Mabel looked back at me but did not offer to add anything . " So , I have nicknames for people . That guy at the end of the road , the house with the big tree down in the yard ? " Otto nodded in reply , so I figured that meant he understood who I was talking about . He , of course , did not offer me a name to use , so I went back to nicknames . " I call him Brown Suit . So , who lives with him ? " " This is not going to work . I 'm going back to my truck . " I stood up but the reverend waved me back down . " Take it easy . Remember that this information you want , well it really isn 't any of your business although you seem to have made it that way . I 'm trying to get you a few answers but you need to be patient . Maybe start with something else ? " " I mean , Brown Suit told me that a bunch of people have disappeared from this area . He believes that the mine is haunted by some evil thing , a presence that , well , I guess he believes it lives in this area . He thinks it travels around and he follows it , trying to feed this thing his rabbits . " I was met with silence which I thought meant they did not understand what I was saying so I added , " you know , so that the evil thing eats the rabbits instead of people . He thinks it feeds on life energy or something like that and that he can substitute rabbits for people because all life has this energy . " More silence followed that , which is when I realized that it was because I was not telling them anything they did not already know . It was just the silence of people listening to a well - known story . Otto looked over at me , waited a few moments and then spoke . " A few people went missing , sure they did . People go missing from all over . That 's not what 's making him believe in evil things . He believes in that because of who goes missing . " Several minutes later I was sitting in the church office once again , this time with Eyebrows in a chair across from me , fanning herself with a copy of a religious magazine . I felt very tired and was fighting to keep my attention on the moment as a long nap sounded like a much better option . The reverend stayed near the door , staring out the window for five minutes before joining us . He sat down heavily in his chair and rubbed his hand across his forehead . Eyebrows got up immediately , casting a hard look his way and muttering , " we all need something to drink , don 't you think ? " under her breath . She returned with a tray full of glasses and a pitcher of ice water , pouring one for each of us . I had just started to drink when a sharp knock sounded from the door , startling me enough to make me choke . Eyebrows looked at the reverend who had stood up so he could see out the small window . " It 's Otto . I wondered if he might show up . It 'll be okay . " He gave us both a small , reassuring smile and then let the man in . I turned to look and my weariness left me . It was Window Man . Up close he still looked pale but not grey , which had been my initial impression of him . His skin was actually almost translucent and waxy in appearance . When I had run past him earlier I had caught a closer glimpse of his eyes which seemed to be shiny and less green than I had first thought them to be . Now I saw that they were actually green with gold flecks that made them glow even in the subdued light of the church office . He was not wearing his hat but had on a grey vest with a red feather partially sticking out of the watch pocket . He spoke through thin , dark lips . " I 'm here to give you a simple message young man , not from those people down the road as I figure you got their message loud and clear . This one is just from me . You need to leave before you do some real harm to this community , or something happens to you . Do you understand me ? " His voice was high - pitched and raspy . " I 'm not here to harm anyone . I just came here to check out a stupid old abandoned mine and got tangled up in all of this weirdness you have around here . I 'm just trying to figure out what 's going on . " " This place may seem strange to you , but it 's just outside of your life experience . Things here are just as normal for us as they have always been . " As he finished he looked over at the reverend , then waved at Eyebrows . " It figures you two would be the ones to come save this fella . You two outsiders … " His voice trailed off , but then it came back , in the middle of a sentence which had obviously started in his head . " … understand a damn thing about this place . " Eyebrows snorted before replying . " Don 't you be telling me who 's an outsider , Otto Clements . I 've been here plenty long enough to see very clearly what this place is , its beauty and its flaws . Plenty of both , don 't ya think ? " " You got nothing to say about who should or shouldn 't know things about this place . You 're just another damn religious place - holder doing your turn in the woods . Stay out of what you don 't understand . " " I 'm really trying to help you Otto , help you save your community as I think you just put it . I know that you are the only one I have ever seen around here , other than Mabel , " and here he gestured toward Eyebrows , " that has shown any kindness to strangers that have passed through Clyde Forks . That 's why I thought you might show up after what just happened out there . And I also know that you aren 't a violent man and don 't want to see any kind of mob action take place here in this community that you care about so much . So , let me help you get this young man on his way . " I spoke up before the reverend could reply . " You think all these missing people are just normal ? You think that hiding children is some kind of innocent weirdness that I don 't understand ? I 'm going to get some answers or . " I stopped before finishing , as " die trying " seemed like a very bad choice of words given the earlier events . " Well , I 'm going to figure it out . " I finished with that instead . She nodded and left the room as the reverend turned to Window Man . " Otto , I know you mean well and that 's why I thought you might follow us here . You know as well as I , honestly much better than I , that there are things about this place which would probably strike any rational person as strange . At least , anyone who did not come from here . A lot of those things have simple explanations that are much more innocent than they might appear . I think we can clear up this matter a little bit for this young man and then get him safely on his way . Can you help me with that ? " As Otto silently considered that , my brain was trying to figure out why his name sounded familiar . Eyebrows , or Mabel as I now knew her to be , returned and set a chair directly behind him . He was sitting down when it came to me . Posted on May 7 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply I eyed each person as I approached them , my stomach turning in nervous anticipation of unknown possibilities , looking for any sign of immediate danger . The first person I passed I had not seen before , a stocky , dark - haired man with a fat face and thick forearms that stuck out of the torn - off sleeves on a faded plaid shirt . He grunted with every breath , his nostrils flaring and sweat running down his forehead . Then came a couple I was also unfamiliar with , both of whom glowered at me from behind identical pairs of horn - rimmed glasses . Than Mr . Overalls and a short , thin woman with a ruddy face and poorly dyed , but very bright red hair . He stomped a foot down as I approached , causing me to jump , which seemed to amused Red Hair . Another man , greasy and grimy from top to bottom , emerged from the auto parts garage behind them and spat in my direction . A few more steps up the road stood what I figured to be my real threat . Shotgun and the man standing with him . It could not have been his father , as I had learned he was dead , but maybe an uncle or other close relative . They looked remarkably similar , and equally threatening . I have to admit that I almost lost my nerve at that point , almost turned and ran back toward Brown Suit , back down the gauntlet of people who seemed like friends compared to what I now expected to encounter . A brief wave of nausea passed over me and I clenched my mouth , purposely biting my tongue to give me something else to think about . The billowing colors up near Clyde Forks Road caught my eye again and now I could see that it was Eyebrows who was standing with the reverend . Would she really let something happen to me ? Would these people actually do something terrible to me with those two watching them ? Were the reverend and Eyebrows even on my side , or were they simply the final part of this community action ? I was not sure but thought it a bad sign that neither her nor the reverend seemed willing to walk down the road to be with me . I resumed walking , a quiver in my knees , taking four steps before Shotgun moved the weapon from its resting place in his arms and leveled it at the ground off to my right . It did not move from there as I approached him and the man who was with him did not move either . Both sets of their eyes locked with mine and the message was clear . Don 't come down this road again . As I passed them , Shotgun starting swinging the weapon , keeping it aimed at the road just a little bit behind me . I could feel my stomach clenching and I was soaked in sweat by the time I had moved twenty feet further . Finally the weapon stopped tracking my progress and a wave of relief swept over me . I paused , bending over to rest my hands on my knees . Before I could think about it , I promptly threw up in the road , my mind taking that moment to be worried about what kind of impression that was leaving on these people . Wiping my mouth , I glanced back and saw the man next to Shotgun start to move the weapon off of his hip . I took off running immediately and did not stop the rest of the way , passing about ten other people at whom I did not even look . As I approached the sinking brick house , the last one on the road , I noticed that Window Man was there , leaning on his mail box but seemingly noncommittal about being involved in delivering the community 's message to me . He settled for a short nod in my direction and then turned back toward his house . Ten feet later I staggered to a stop in front of the reverend and Eyebrows and sunk to the ground , breathing heavily . The two of them were silent as I recovered , my breathing finally settling down although a tremor remained in my body , some residual effect of the fear I had felt coming up Cemetery Road . Finally , about three minutes after I had collapsed , Eyebrows reached down and took my arm , a gust of wind swirling her multi - colored shawl around my face . With a little extra effort I managed to stand up and she kept hold of me , guiding me out of the intersection and east toward the church . I could hear the reverend a few paces behind us , his shoes crunching against the road gravel . I started to protest . " Just let me , well , ok , I guess . " It did seem like a good idea to get inside somewhere safe . " What the hell , sorry , heck , was that all about anyway ? " We were almost out of the intersection of the two roads , and I turned my head quickly to look at my tormentors one more time . The shawl was still swirling in the breeze and I had to reach up with my left hand and push it away . I felt better , just a little bit defiant , making up for my fear I suppose , and I thought about flipping the bird to the people who had made me feel that way . As I pulled the shawl down , ready to face them , I was surprised to see that Cemetery Road was empty . Posted on April 30 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply I stayed there for a few minutes , feeling confused but safe in the embrace of the building . No wonder people seek out churches for refuge or sanctuary , as they do seem to have a sense of security embedded within their walls . I was tempted to stay , to maybe curl up in a pew and take a nap , but my curiosity got me moving . When I finally stood up to leave I had no better idea of what I was planning to do next than I had when I first sat down , but I was determined to keep trying to solve this mystery . By the time I had walked back to my truck it was too late to get anything else done that day . The afternoon had slipped into early evening and the buzz of insects , finally able to emerge from their daytime hiding places , filled the air . I set up my sleeping bag in the bed of my truck and then sat on the tailgate , rubbing myself up with insect repellent . I had just kicked off one boot when I heard it . A shout , youthful and excited , the kind of yelp small children give when opening a present or being given a puppy . It rang out as clear as a church bell on a still afternoon , and seemed to echo a little in the surrounding trees . Then there was a loud , thick bang , like a heavy piece of lumber falling onto cement , and then silence . By that time I was running down the road , one boot sloppily tied up and hindering my speed . I had no doubt about the direction that shout had come from , right down Cemetery Road , right from the house at the end . By the time I reached the edge of Brown Suit 's driveway , all was quiet and still . I could not even hear the insects anymore , but that was likely due to my pounding heart , which had the sound of blood booming in my ears . After a few deep breaths I marched up to the door and started banging on it , yelling for someone to open it up . When that got no response I walked around toward the rabbit enclosure and ran right into Brown Suit who seemed to be waiting for me . He stood there , taking up more space than it seemed possible , blue eyes flashing with anger but also tinged with apprehension . He put out one arm toward me . " I heard it , you know I did , I , you . " I stopped and took a few deep breaths , trying to compose myself and recover the ability to speak complete sentences . Brown Suit 's arm remained outstretched . " I heard that child again , it came from here , I know it did . You know it did . " " What about all of those toys back there , " I shouted , pointing toward the area behind the Red Crow barn , " and the bike , what about that ? " I started to move , to try to go around him but something about his posture told me that he was not going to let me pass , no matter what sacrifice it cost him . He was old and I should not have had a problem just pushing my way past , but in that moment it just did not seem possible . By then I had also managed to realize that I was definitely acting foolishly , trespassing on private property , yelling accusations at an old man , and even thinking about forcing my way further onto his property . I settled for a final threat . " I know you have a child here , and I 've been to Calabogie . " I was not sure as I spoke what I exactly meant by the last part of my threat . I did not have any definitive information tying that missing boy to this mystery , but then I did not have anything excluding him either . I guess I was trying to get some kind of reaction out of the old man but he remained silent , his facial expression unchanged . They all stood there , right at the end of their respective driveways , silently looking at me . Most of their arms were crossed and none of them looked friendly . Shotgun had his favorite weapon cradled in the crook of his arm , and next to him stood an older man who had a similar weapon propped into the air against his right hip . I looked behind me and Brown Suit had not moved , although his arm was down and his eyes now seemed amused . His lips did not move but I heard him . I moved slowly down his driveway and then stopped at the end of it , eyeing the assembled residents of Cemetery Road warily . I felt like my next step , off of Brown Suit 's property , represented some kind of boundary that I was not sure I wanted to cross . It was strange to think of his property as somewhere safe , or at least safer than what I might encounter once I stepped off of it . The sounds of the insects were back even though my heart was now pounding just as hard as it had been before . The buzzing seemed louder than it should have been , insistent and ominous , and was effecting my ability to think straight . Shadows were creeping into the road , the tips of garages and trees making shapes against the gravel . I was frozen in place and the journey back to my truck seemed like a very long one . I saw some movement up toward Clyde Forks Road and after a few moments realized it was Reverend Currie and someone else whom I could not make out . He stood directly in the middle of the road , hands clasped behind his back , looking right at me . The person next to him seemed to change shape , some billowing of various colors caught up in a breeze I could not feel where I stood . I was not sure what his presence meant for me , but it did help to get me moving . I took a minute to re - tie my boot and then stepped off , my right foot seeming to be in slow motion , and moved off of Brown Suit 's property . Posted on April 23 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply " I , I , well … , " my voice trailed off as I fought for an answer . I felt a little overwhelmed in that moment , and also not completely sure how much of my suspicions to share with this man . I had spilled my story to my co - worker at the loading dock in Almonte , but that did not seem the same as this current situation . Here I had a community of people who had indeed lost a small child and seemed to be pretty well spooked by it . Some version less than the truth seemed to be appropriate . " It 's that Jenny Wilson girl , have you heard about her ? " Carl shook his head in response and I told him the story , along with the fact that she may have been seen in a car around Clyde Forks after she was reported missing . My explanation seemed to satisfy Carl , who was telling me he was sorry he could not be of more help to me , when Martha opened the office door and peeked out . " Don 't let him lie to you Carl . He asked me about a missing boy , not no missing girl . He 's up to something , something no good I 'll wager . " She banged the door shut and Carl , forehead wrinkled in thought , turned to me . Caught in my own rushed lie , I shrugged and quickly walked out of the store . By the time I was back in my truck and driving down the street back the way I had come in , there were three rather unfriendly looking men standing with Carl outside of the bait shop . Feeling more afraid than I wanted to admit , I sped off and drove straight back to my spot at the intersection of Clyde Forks and Cemetery Road . It was mid - afternoon by then and much warmer than it had been in Calabogie . The woods seemed to keep the heat trapped near the road and there was no breeze present to stir it up or move it along . It was much too hot to sit around in my truck so I wandered aimlessly down Clyde Forks Road , my mind churning through ideas but not paying much attention to where I was going . When I finally realized where I was , Reverend Currie was staring back at me from the front steps of the church . His arms were folded across his chest but he smiled when I looked over at him and then waved a hand , beckoning me forward . I guess our previous interaction over the bottle of whiskey had not dampened his general hospitality . I followed him into the church and sat down in a pew , the reverend one row in front of me and turned halfway , his left arm hanging over the back . I had been in the foyer before and the office , but never all the way into the small main congregation area . It was brighter than I had expected , an airy feeling accompanied by a quiet , peaceful vibe . There were not any stained glass windows but there were still some fanciful displays of reflected sunlight on the walls from the skylight over the altar . " Good to see you again , " he began , " and my apologies for the other day . Not my best moment . It 's a bit of a dark side that I have , a personal demon . " I nodded my forgiveness , although I was not sure if he meant the drinking or the memory of the voice in the mine . Or maybe it was both . " I get it and I 'll leave it alone . Maybe I pushed too hard . I seem to be getting a little bit obsessed with this whole thing . I could tell whatever it was that happened in that mine , well , it spooked you pretty good . " He nodded back slowly , rubbing some light stubble on his face . " Yeah , it did . " There was a short pause , his eyes reflective and faraway , but then he was back in the moment . " So , what have you been doing since then ? I haven 't seen you around in a while and I figured we had all scared you off . " He gave a rueful smile as he finished . He did not reply for a few moments , staring back intently but silently at me . He whispered , " I tell you what I can , but you need to be careful , " before falling silent again . It was not a very satisfying statement but he did not seem inclined to elaborate . Finally he slapped his hand lightly on the back of the pew and asked me for a few more details on Jenny Wilson . I told him everything I had been able to find out and when I was done he shook his head . I waited . " Are you sure ? " I could hear the disappointment in my own voice . I had begun to think of my research into her story as a real piece of detective work , one that would help clear up at least some part of the mystery . The reverend was sure . " No way that voice belonged to anyone older than seven years old . " He sighed and continued . " It would have been nice though , if it had been , I would have known some more of the story anyway . And you found a missing girl that , well , it could have been her for sure , except for the age . Flower Station Road isn 't too far from here … , " his voice trailed off . " Evil exists , everywhere . " The reverend 's eyes were very intense as he spoke , his voice climbing a little in volume . " It takes different forms , acts in different ways , reveals itself at odd times and through strange vehicles . And people perceive all of those manifestations differently , through their own kaleidoscope is how I always put it . So , I 'm sure something evil exists around here . What do you see ? " His question took me aback for a few seconds as I had not expected to be asked to evaluate the idea of evil myself , or how it might apply to Clyde Forks . I thought he would be the expert in that area . I stayed silent and he repeated his question , this time holding his hands in front of his face , twisting an invisible kaleidoscope . Then he leaned over , squeezed my shoulder and spoke . " Beware of that image of evil , it shifts and changes , broken apart into small little glimmers of mismatched information . You need to see what it is before the picture comes into focus . " With that , he walked out the back door . Posted on April 17 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply At the end of that day , I slept one last time at the motel in Almonte and woke the next morning determined to chase down this new lead . I was not certain that I believed my tall co - worker 's assertion that people in the immediate area would not know about something that happened a mere thirty miles away . Perhaps I was just getting conspiracy - minded as I tried to solve this mystery about Clyde Forks . In any event I made the library my first stop , pulling into the small parking lot about ten minutes before it opened . When it did , the same thin , pale librarian with the green eyes who I had dealt with last time unlocked the doors . I asked him a few questions and soon realized that it was true after all ; people in this region of Canada basically kept to themselves and let the rest of the world worry about itself . His most poignant comment was , " If you want to find out something from Calabogie , well then , you better get on up there and figure it out . " When I commented back that he had been so helpful before , he merely replied that this had been because the info he gave me was about Clyde Forks . That was in Lanark County , and Calabogie most certainly was not . At least that gave me a better idea of what " local " meant to people in this area . He did give me directions and I spent a little over an hour on a scenic drive in a generally northern direction , stopping when I passed White Lake to admire the beauty of the area . Arriving around noon in Calabogie , I was impressed by even more beautiful scenery . The road I drove in on paralleled the Madawaska River which then spills into Calabogie Lake . The area , despite some surrounding shops and houses , seemed untouched by most of the other usual intrusions of larger city life . It was quiet and peaceful , filled with trees and summer flowers , slightly warm but with a erratic breeze blowing around the edges of the lake . I took a few minutes to admire it all as I thought about how to proceed . The clerk gave me a rather piercing look as she replied . " What do you want to know about that for , eh ? " She shook her light brown , curly hair , raised her drawn - in eyebrows and placed a hand on her right hip . It was not a friendly pose . I raised my hands up slightly , trying to lighten the tension . " Sorry , I surrender . I 'm not trying to stir anything up . I just was wondering what happened , that 's all . " " Why would you be wondering about it , then ? I figure the ones that should be wondering are the parents and police . Not strangers . " Her look this time was tinted with suspicion . " Unless you got something to gain by it , or know something about it yourself ? " The fact that I knew another town in the area seemed to lessen her hostility a little , although she did keep stepping backward , keeping the distance between us at about thirty feet even as I approached the counter . Eventually she was backed up against the wall , right next to a battered wooden door that seemed to open into an office . She called to someone through that door . " He 's asking about that McNeville boy that went missing last year . And he 's up to some kind of detective work over in Clyde Forks . " Having made that announcement she stepped quickly into the office and slammed the door shut . Carl grimaced and shrugged . " Don 't be too put off my Martha . She sees quite a bit of danger around here these days , since that boy went missing , I suppose . It took us all a little of guard , ya know what I mean , eh ? " Carl proceeded to tell me about a blonde , five year old boy who had disappeared while fishing with his family at a small lake just a little west of Calabogie . From what he told me it seemed as though the boy had disappeared into thin air , there one minute and gone just a few minutes later when his father went to look for him . Not a trace had been left anywhere in the area , including at the spot he was seen to be standing right before he disappeared . A massive police search had been undertaken but nothing had ever come of it . According to Carl , people in the area were of two distinct and separate mindsets . Carl shook his head . " I 'm no detective , and surely no one ever asked me my opinion . At least , no police or anyone like that . But I 've told plenty of folks what I think . If someone took him , it was someone from around here . " He sighed when he finished and ran his hand through his hair again . Then he looked at me . Posted on April 9 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply It was still early in the day but I decided to retreat to the motel for the remainder of it , both to ponder all of the mystery I seemed to be caught up in and also to figure out what I was going to do next . My financial situation was still precarious and would be getting critical fairly soon . After checking in , once again to what was becoming my usual room , I placed the small metal car on top of the banged up dresser and sat down to think . Where was I at ? I knew I had plenty of speculation running through my mind , but what real facts were there at this point ? I wrote this in my journal that day : Looking at that list I felt one thing very strongly - you do not know much , do you ? Basically , I seemed to have uncovered that Clyde Forks was a strange place , one that few people wanted to move to and where few children were born . It was populated by people who fit my idea of odd , but who may very well have been perfectly normal . Some of those people held strange ideas , all unsupported by actual corroborating evidence , and they did not seem very receptive to outsiders . That was hardly a basis for all of my fascination with this place . But then , I had definitely heard that child , a youngster that no one seemed to want to talk about , and who remained hidden from me . It was all a tantalizingly elusive mystery , one I decided I could not resist . With that decision though , came the need to make some more money , so I slept in the remainder of that day and night , and headed out to Almonte in the morning . It was not a large place but it was definitely a more centralized town , one where a person could expect to find some work . The location was picturesque as it sat right on the Mississippi River ( not the same as the one that cuts through the United States ) and the winding bends of the river gave the area a lazy and comfortable feeling . I went around to the various small stores and other businesses and soon had picked up a job helping to unload shipping containers . I spent a week that way , working fourteen hour days and collapsing into a bed at a shabby motel outside of the town at night . Almost everyone that I worked with had some version of my " on the road , in need of money " story and they all seemed to be from places far away from Almonte . It was on my last day of work , a cool Tuesday filled with drizzle and an occasional strong wind , that I finally ended up working with someone who had grown up in the area . It had really not been my intention to get into the whole reason I was working , or what I was doing in Clyde Forks , but the man I was teamed up with was a real talker and drew it out of me . He was tall , maybe six foot seven , and had the look of someone who did a lot of hard labor . He had a face etched by wind and sun , big forearms covered in tattoos of various women 's names and a casual but determined manner , like unloading the Titanic by himself would not be a big deal but he was going to take his time doing it . I resisted his repeated inquires into my situation for a few hours but then told him the whole story , partly because I wanted to but also so he would stop talking about his various , and colorful , past experiences . They were fascinating but inevitably vulgar and over - dramatized . This time he shrugged . " Thirty miles is a long way in these parts . It wouldn 't have made the news over here . Maybe check up in Calabogie . " With that he moved on , starting up another story , this time about " that god - damned gypsy traitor Fallon . " Copyright Notice © Jack Mesenbourg and A Raconteur 's Refuge , 2011 - 2017 . Unauthorized use and / or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog 's author and / or owner is strictly prohibited . Excerpts and links may be used , provided that full and clear credit is given to Jack Mesenbourg and A Raconteur 's Refuge with appropriate and specific direction to the original content . Top Posts & Pages A Faraway Song ( Part 30 ) Copyright Notice © Jack Mesenbourg and A Raconteur 's Refuge , 2011 - 2017 . Unauthorized use and / or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog 's author and / or owner is strictly prohibited . Excerpts and links may be used , provided that full and clear credit is given to Jack Mesenbourg and A Raconteur 's Refuge with appropriate and specific direction to the original content . |
Posted on June 25 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply That is where I left it all of those years ago , taking with me a head full of questions , a real feeling of having left things unresolved and that little toy car as a memento of my adventure . I had left reluctantly but also had sensed the danger I was in , a strange feeling that I would have thought impossible to experience in the civilized world . On my long drive back to my regular life I had vowed to go back at some point and keep seeking answers , much more brave as the distance between myself and Clyde Forks increased . I never did of course , life taking over and the pressing need to solve the mystery fading softly away . I would go back to it occasionally , usually triggered by some other event in my life , but it always seemed very distant and remote , all the burning questions consumed by time . I would dream about Clyde Forks sometimes , or some member of the cast of characters I had met , or stay up an extra few minutes wondering about my experience up there . Most of the time I found it hard to believe I had been so wrapped up in it , or so convinced of a great conspiracy . It was a just an innocent small town , weird for sure , but innocent . Listening to that podcast brought everything back in a wave of memory and those old events suddenly seemed much clearer than before . That led me to digging through a pile of old boxes until I found the journal I had kept on that trip . Sitting down and reading it left me with those questions I posed at the beginning of this story . How could I have just left and stopped looking into what happened up there ? And , what did it all have to do with this missing boy ? Posted on June 18 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply I heard a faint sound to my left and realized that Mabel was speaking , much too lowly for me to hear . I knelt down by the side of her chair , trying to catch what she was saying . She had a sad but defiant look on her face and was staring not at me , but at the reverend . I think she realized I had not heard her as she cleared her throat and resumed speaking a little more loudly , more like a loud whisper now . " So , you are going to be part of this cover - up too ? " I asked her . " Why did you bother to help me then , to give me the clue about the red crow ? That 's a big part of what got me tangled up in this in the first place . Why ? " " Listen , it 's really time for you to go . Like Mabel said earlier , we got you a few answers , not many and not all of them that you wanted I know , but a few . That 's all you 're likely to get . You have to leave . " I stood there , feeling unfulfilled , and staring out through the window into the church parking lot . This little bit of information only seemed to make the remaining questions seem even more important , more urgent . I really believed that a child was being hidden in this community but at the same time I had no definitive reason to believe that anything illegal had taken place . Who was this child , and to whom did it belong ? What was the exact nature of this supposed evil presence in the area ? Was it real or the fantasy of a heartbroken old man ? Or was it something else ? There did not seem to be anyone willing to help me figure these things out . And then there were a bunch of other questions , much smaller and less important , but they still made me feel crazy to think of them going unanswered . Maybe this place really did just have a much different way of living , of acting and of protecting its children . Perhaps the evil did not exist at all , or was just an exaggerated myth . It could be that I had managed to stumble into the quirkiest place in the world . It just all seemed so strange and weird . " Reverend , what else do you know about this place . You claim to know nothing but then you seem to have some information . You tell me that you just got here , even Otto called you a , I think it was a placeholder , but then you knew to come and rescue me today . You make vague allusions to other things you might know . " I made sure he was looking at me before I finished . " What are you really doing here ? " He smiled at me . " I 'm an outsider here , just like Otto said . I might know a few things , information passed down from the religious men who were here before me , but mostly I 'm just observant . That and curious . " He winked at me and gave a very small laugh . " I belong here , or at least I am part of the fabric and culture of this place . They expect one temporary religious man to always be present . You 're not part of it , and there is nothing that can change that . I 'm sure you 're not satisfied but it really is time to go . If it makes you feel better , remember this though as you leave . This talk today , it helped me too , gave me a little closure on my own experience at the mine . I guess her spirit must still be there . I think that is going to help me a lot . So thank you for that . Now , go and forget about this place , and please don 't talk about it . Give this place it 's peace . I 'll watch the kaleidoscope up here for you . " He made the twisting motion with his hands and opened the door . " You 'll be safe getting to your truck . Otto might be mad at you but he 'll be watching and won 't let any harm come to you . " " Son , your little temporary adventure is over . It 's time to go . " His voice conveyed a feeling of finality and also of warning . I shook my head but stepped out the door . It had just about closed behind me when I pushed it back with my hand . I peered inside and spoke to Mabel . " So , when I was talking to him he said that six people had gone missing , or maybe it was seven . " I stopped and tried going back in my memory , sticking up my fingers as I recounted the individuals in my head . Then I continued . " Ok , well , I think he said six , but then it was seven , and well , either way , there was always one that he didn 't want to talk about . " " Well , I don 't know exactly what he told you about but it was probably mostly about them people he was related to . Some miner was the first , his brother , just vanished one day right as they were closing up the camp around the mine . Then another couple of miners , or laborers maybe , one of them was his uncle . And crazy Hattie of course , that was his sister . " " Bat - shit crazy woman who used to wander around this area , muttering to herself , stripping off clothes and setting them on fire , walking around naked after that . Your friend from the house was forever bringing her clothes but she 'd just end up burning them again a few days later or tearing them to shreds . I never did figure out how she ever survived a winter , but she did , quite a few actually . But then one day he found her campsite abandoned , no trace of her around , then or ever . " Mabel reached over and touched my arm , giving Otto a cautionary look as she did so . " More people than that have turned up missing , and I 'm sure they included those other ones you mentioned . I think Otto was just telling you that there were three relatives that disappeared and that is what started the whole evil presence thing . " " What about the one that he refused to talk about ? I tried a couple of times but he never told me . Do you know about that person ? " " Please , let 's just get this done with , okay ? I don 't think that a little more information here is going to hurt . Please . " " It was a girl , one that was living with him . A relative had dropped the child off one day and then never came back . She was … ' " he went silent without finishing , a faraway look in his eyes . " She was ours , all of ours . He couldn 't take care of her right , well not right exactly , just completely , like she should have been taken care of . He was too old . So we all helped look after her . She was ours , a child for this place . Ours . " I did not think he was finished , and he did continue several moments later . " Then , one day , she was gone . Not a sign of her anywhere except this doll she played with , a golden - haired doll with a pink dress . " Otto clenched his eyes closed , tightly , and shook his head . I glanced over at Mabel , who was not hiding her tears . The reverend was wide - eyed and staring intently at Otto and I . " That doll , they found it on the path to the mine . And that 's all I know and all you need to know . Now leave ! " Which is what Otto did , slamming the office door behind him . The reverend leaned back and let out a very large sigh . " Well , I can 't say I expected any of that . What a story . Is it true ? " He asked this while looking at Mabel , who had still not bothered to clean up her face . " Not really . I 'm sorry , but it isn 't . The thing I really want to know is who lives in that house with , well , the guy I call Brown Suit ? " " I 'm not sure anyone does son . Maybe it 's just your imagination , maybe you are a little too wrapped up in this whole thing that you see as such a mystery . Don 't you think that you might just be making that part up ? " " No , I don 't . I felt like someone else was there when I was in the house , and I heard it later with my own ears . I heard a child , right here , right on that street back there , " I replied while pointing back in the direction of Cemetery Road . " What is the big secret here ? " " Yes . But that 's got nothing to do with any of the matter you are so worked up about . She was just a missing girl and I saw her in a car . " Mabel cut me off . " Listen , it 's not relevant as Otto already said . We 'll get you a few answers , but it will likely be a very few and you shouldn 't waste them on that Wilson girl . Otto here is a good man but protective of this place . " She had a kind look on her face but the tone in her voice was less friendly , much more matter - of - fact . I took her suggestion to heart and spent a minute trying to compose my thoughts . He looked over at the reverend , then at me and then at the floor before answering . " I 'll answer , maybe . You need to leave here , that 's what I think , just leave now and don 't bother us again . These two seem to think otherwise , like we owe you something . If it 'll get rid of you , I 'll answer … maybe . Why do you think we should help him anyway , reverend ? " The reverend leaned forward . " Because I 'm sure we don 't want to have anything unfortunate happen here and I think if you give him a few simple answers , well that will be enough to satisfy his curiosity . Then he can go in peace and we all go back to our regular lives . " " Who lives with Brown Suit ? " All I received was a blank look . I was about to get angry when I realized that my nicknames for these people were known only to me . " Ok , listen , nobody around here will tell me their name , or at least most people won 't . I don 't know why , but it seems to be a thing . I just figured her name out when the reverend said it . " Mabel looked back at me but did not offer to add anything . " So , I have nicknames for people . That guy at the end of the road , the house with the big tree down in the yard ? " Otto nodded in reply , so I figured that meant he understood who I was talking about . He , of course , did not offer me a name to use , so I went back to nicknames . " I call him Brown Suit . So , who lives with him ? " " This is not going to work . I 'm going back to my truck . " I stood up but the reverend waved me back down . " Take it easy . Remember that this information you want , well it really isn 't any of your business although you seem to have made it that way . I 'm trying to get you a few answers but you need to be patient . Maybe start with something else ? " " I mean , Brown Suit told me that a bunch of people have disappeared from this area . He believes that the mine is haunted by some evil thing , a presence that , well , I guess he believes it lives in this area . He thinks it travels around and he follows it , trying to feed this thing his rabbits . " I was met with silence which I thought meant they did not understand what I was saying so I added , " you know , so that the evil thing eats the rabbits instead of people . He thinks it feeds on life energy or something like that and that he can substitute rabbits for people because all life has this energy . " More silence followed that , which is when I realized that it was because I was not telling them anything they did not already know . It was just the silence of people listening to a well - known story . Otto looked over at me , waited a few moments and then spoke . " A few people went missing , sure they did . People go missing from all over . That 's not what 's making him believe in evil things . He believes in that because of who goes missing . " Several minutes later I was sitting in the church office once again , this time with Eyebrows in a chair across from me , fanning herself with a copy of a religious magazine . I felt very tired and was fighting to keep my attention on the moment as a long nap sounded like a much better option . The reverend stayed near the door , staring out the window for five minutes before joining us . He sat down heavily in his chair and rubbed his hand across his forehead . Eyebrows got up immediately , casting a hard look his way and muttering , " we all need something to drink , don 't you think ? " under her breath . She returned with a tray full of glasses and a pitcher of ice water , pouring one for each of us . I had just started to drink when a sharp knock sounded from the door , startling me enough to make me choke . Eyebrows looked at the reverend who had stood up so he could see out the small window . " It 's Otto . I wondered if he might show up . It 'll be okay . " He gave us both a small , reassuring smile and then let the man in . I turned to look and my weariness left me . It was Window Man . Up close he still looked pale but not grey , which had been my initial impression of him . His skin was actually almost translucent and waxy in appearance . When I had run past him earlier I had caught a closer glimpse of his eyes which seemed to be shiny and less green than I had first thought them to be . Now I saw that they were actually green with gold flecks that made them glow even in the subdued light of the church office . He was not wearing his hat but had on a grey vest with a red feather partially sticking out of the watch pocket . He spoke through thin , dark lips . " I 'm here to give you a simple message young man , not from those people down the road as I figure you got their message loud and clear . This one is just from me . You need to leave before you do some real harm to this community , or something happens to you . Do you understand me ? " His voice was high - pitched and raspy . " I 'm not here to harm anyone . I just came here to check out a stupid old abandoned mine and got tangled up in all of this weirdness you have around here . I 'm just trying to figure out what 's going on . " " This place may seem strange to you , but it 's just outside of your life experience . Things here are just as normal for us as they have always been . " As he finished he looked over at the reverend , then waved at Eyebrows . " It figures you two would be the ones to come save this fella . You two outsiders … " His voice trailed off , but then it came back , in the middle of a sentence which had obviously started in his head . " … understand a damn thing about this place . " Eyebrows snorted before replying . " Don 't you be telling me who 's an outsider , Otto Clements . I 've been here plenty long enough to see very clearly what this place is , its beauty and its flaws . Plenty of both , don 't ya think ? " " You got nothing to say about who should or shouldn 't know things about this place . You 're just another damn religious place - holder doing your turn in the woods . Stay out of what you don 't understand . " " I 'm really trying to help you Otto , help you save your community as I think you just put it . I know that you are the only one I have ever seen around here , other than Mabel , " and here he gestured toward Eyebrows , " that has shown any kindness to strangers that have passed through Clyde Forks . That 's why I thought you might show up after what just happened out there . And I also know that you aren 't a violent man and don 't want to see any kind of mob action take place here in this community that you care about so much . So , let me help you get this young man on his way . " I spoke up before the reverend could reply . " You think all these missing people are just normal ? You think that hiding children is some kind of innocent weirdness that I don 't understand ? I 'm going to get some answers or . " I stopped before finishing , as " die trying " seemed like a very bad choice of words given the earlier events . " Well , I 'm going to figure it out . " I finished with that instead . She nodded and left the room as the reverend turned to Window Man . " Otto , I know you mean well and that 's why I thought you might follow us here . You know as well as I , honestly much better than I , that there are things about this place which would probably strike any rational person as strange . At least , anyone who did not come from here . A lot of those things have simple explanations that are much more innocent than they might appear . I think we can clear up this matter a little bit for this young man and then get him safely on his way . Can you help me with that ? " As Otto silently considered that , my brain was trying to figure out why his name sounded familiar . Eyebrows , or Mabel as I now knew her to be , returned and set a chair directly behind him . He was sitting down when it came to me . Posted on May 7 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply I eyed each person as I approached them , my stomach turning in nervous anticipation of unknown possibilities , looking for any sign of immediate danger . The first person I passed I had not seen before , a stocky , dark - haired man with a fat face and thick forearms that stuck out of the torn - off sleeves on a faded plaid shirt . He grunted with every breath , his nostrils flaring and sweat running down his forehead . Then came a couple I was also unfamiliar with , both of whom glowered at me from behind identical pairs of horn - rimmed glasses . Than Mr . Overalls and a short , thin woman with a ruddy face and poorly dyed , but very bright red hair . He stomped a foot down as I approached , causing me to jump , which seemed to amused Red Hair . Another man , greasy and grimy from top to bottom , emerged from the auto parts garage behind them and spat in my direction . A few more steps up the road stood what I figured to be my real threat . Shotgun and the man standing with him . It could not have been his father , as I had learned he was dead , but maybe an uncle or other close relative . They looked remarkably similar , and equally threatening . I have to admit that I almost lost my nerve at that point , almost turned and ran back toward Brown Suit , back down the gauntlet of people who seemed like friends compared to what I now expected to encounter . A brief wave of nausea passed over me and I clenched my mouth , purposely biting my tongue to give me something else to think about . The billowing colors up near Clyde Forks Road caught my eye again and now I could see that it was Eyebrows who was standing with the reverend . Would she really let something happen to me ? Would these people actually do something terrible to me with those two watching them ? Were the reverend and Eyebrows even on my side , or were they simply the final part of this community action ? I was not sure but thought it a bad sign that neither her nor the reverend seemed willing to walk down the road to be with me . I resumed walking , a quiver in my knees , taking four steps before Shotgun moved the weapon from its resting place in his arms and leveled it at the ground off to my right . It did not move from there as I approached him and the man who was with him did not move either . Both sets of their eyes locked with mine and the message was clear . Don 't come down this road again . As I passed them , Shotgun starting swinging the weapon , keeping it aimed at the road just a little bit behind me . I could feel my stomach clenching and I was soaked in sweat by the time I had moved twenty feet further . Finally the weapon stopped tracking my progress and a wave of relief swept over me . I paused , bending over to rest my hands on my knees . Before I could think about it , I promptly threw up in the road , my mind taking that moment to be worried about what kind of impression that was leaving on these people . Wiping my mouth , I glanced back and saw the man next to Shotgun start to move the weapon off of his hip . I took off running immediately and did not stop the rest of the way , passing about ten other people at whom I did not even look . As I approached the sinking brick house , the last one on the road , I noticed that Window Man was there , leaning on his mail box but seemingly noncommittal about being involved in delivering the community 's message to me . He settled for a short nod in my direction and then turned back toward his house . Ten feet later I staggered to a stop in front of the reverend and Eyebrows and sunk to the ground , breathing heavily . The two of them were silent as I recovered , my breathing finally settling down although a tremor remained in my body , some residual effect of the fear I had felt coming up Cemetery Road . Finally , about three minutes after I had collapsed , Eyebrows reached down and took my arm , a gust of wind swirling her multi - colored shawl around my face . With a little extra effort I managed to stand up and she kept hold of me , guiding me out of the intersection and east toward the church . I could hear the reverend a few paces behind us , his shoes crunching against the road gravel . I started to protest . " Just let me , well , ok , I guess . " It did seem like a good idea to get inside somewhere safe . " What the hell , sorry , heck , was that all about anyway ? " We were almost out of the intersection of the two roads , and I turned my head quickly to look at my tormentors one more time . The shawl was still swirling in the breeze and I had to reach up with my left hand and push it away . I felt better , just a little bit defiant , making up for my fear I suppose , and I thought about flipping the bird to the people who had made me feel that way . As I pulled the shawl down , ready to face them , I was surprised to see that Cemetery Road was empty . Posted on April 30 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply I stayed there for a few minutes , feeling confused but safe in the embrace of the building . No wonder people seek out churches for refuge or sanctuary , as they do seem to have a sense of security embedded within their walls . I was tempted to stay , to maybe curl up in a pew and take a nap , but my curiosity got me moving . When I finally stood up to leave I had no better idea of what I was planning to do next than I had when I first sat down , but I was determined to keep trying to solve this mystery . By the time I had walked back to my truck it was too late to get anything else done that day . The afternoon had slipped into early evening and the buzz of insects , finally able to emerge from their daytime hiding places , filled the air . I set up my sleeping bag in the bed of my truck and then sat on the tailgate , rubbing myself up with insect repellent . I had just kicked off one boot when I heard it . A shout , youthful and excited , the kind of yelp small children give when opening a present or being given a puppy . It rang out as clear as a church bell on a still afternoon , and seemed to echo a little in the surrounding trees . Then there was a loud , thick bang , like a heavy piece of lumber falling onto cement , and then silence . By that time I was running down the road , one boot sloppily tied up and hindering my speed . I had no doubt about the direction that shout had come from , right down Cemetery Road , right from the house at the end . By the time I reached the edge of Brown Suit 's driveway , all was quiet and still . I could not even hear the insects anymore , but that was likely due to my pounding heart , which had the sound of blood booming in my ears . After a few deep breaths I marched up to the door and started banging on it , yelling for someone to open it up . When that got no response I walked around toward the rabbit enclosure and ran right into Brown Suit who seemed to be waiting for me . He stood there , taking up more space than it seemed possible , blue eyes flashing with anger but also tinged with apprehension . He put out one arm toward me . " I heard it , you know I did , I , you . " I stopped and took a few deep breaths , trying to compose myself and recover the ability to speak complete sentences . Brown Suit 's arm remained outstretched . " I heard that child again , it came from here , I know it did . You know it did . " " What about all of those toys back there , " I shouted , pointing toward the area behind the Red Crow barn , " and the bike , what about that ? " I started to move , to try to go around him but something about his posture told me that he was not going to let me pass , no matter what sacrifice it cost him . He was old and I should not have had a problem just pushing my way past , but in that moment it just did not seem possible . By then I had also managed to realize that I was definitely acting foolishly , trespassing on private property , yelling accusations at an old man , and even thinking about forcing my way further onto his property . I settled for a final threat . " I know you have a child here , and I 've been to Calabogie . " I was not sure as I spoke what I exactly meant by the last part of my threat . I did not have any definitive information tying that missing boy to this mystery , but then I did not have anything excluding him either . I guess I was trying to get some kind of reaction out of the old man but he remained silent , his facial expression unchanged . They all stood there , right at the end of their respective driveways , silently looking at me . Most of their arms were crossed and none of them looked friendly . Shotgun had his favorite weapon cradled in the crook of his arm , and next to him stood an older man who had a similar weapon propped into the air against his right hip . I looked behind me and Brown Suit had not moved , although his arm was down and his eyes now seemed amused . His lips did not move but I heard him . I moved slowly down his driveway and then stopped at the end of it , eyeing the assembled residents of Cemetery Road warily . I felt like my next step , off of Brown Suit 's property , represented some kind of boundary that I was not sure I wanted to cross . It was strange to think of his property as somewhere safe , or at least safer than what I might encounter once I stepped off of it . The sounds of the insects were back even though my heart was now pounding just as hard as it had been before . The buzzing seemed louder than it should have been , insistent and ominous , and was effecting my ability to think straight . Shadows were creeping into the road , the tips of garages and trees making shapes against the gravel . I was frozen in place and the journey back to my truck seemed like a very long one . I saw some movement up toward Clyde Forks Road and after a few moments realized it was Reverend Currie and someone else whom I could not make out . He stood directly in the middle of the road , hands clasped behind his back , looking right at me . The person next to him seemed to change shape , some billowing of various colors caught up in a breeze I could not feel where I stood . I was not sure what his presence meant for me , but it did help to get me moving . I took a minute to re - tie my boot and then stepped off , my right foot seeming to be in slow motion , and moved off of Brown Suit 's property . Posted on April 23 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply " I , I , well … , " my voice trailed off as I fought for an answer . I felt a little overwhelmed in that moment , and also not completely sure how much of my suspicions to share with this man . I had spilled my story to my co - worker at the loading dock in Almonte , but that did not seem the same as this current situation . Here I had a community of people who had indeed lost a small child and seemed to be pretty well spooked by it . Some version less than the truth seemed to be appropriate . " It 's that Jenny Wilson girl , have you heard about her ? " Carl shook his head in response and I told him the story , along with the fact that she may have been seen in a car around Clyde Forks after she was reported missing . My explanation seemed to satisfy Carl , who was telling me he was sorry he could not be of more help to me , when Martha opened the office door and peeked out . " Don 't let him lie to you Carl . He asked me about a missing boy , not no missing girl . He 's up to something , something no good I 'll wager . " She banged the door shut and Carl , forehead wrinkled in thought , turned to me . Caught in my own rushed lie , I shrugged and quickly walked out of the store . By the time I was back in my truck and driving down the street back the way I had come in , there were three rather unfriendly looking men standing with Carl outside of the bait shop . Feeling more afraid than I wanted to admit , I sped off and drove straight back to my spot at the intersection of Clyde Forks and Cemetery Road . It was mid - afternoon by then and much warmer than it had been in Calabogie . The woods seemed to keep the heat trapped near the road and there was no breeze present to stir it up or move it along . It was much too hot to sit around in my truck so I wandered aimlessly down Clyde Forks Road , my mind churning through ideas but not paying much attention to where I was going . When I finally realized where I was , Reverend Currie was staring back at me from the front steps of the church . His arms were folded across his chest but he smiled when I looked over at him and then waved a hand , beckoning me forward . I guess our previous interaction over the bottle of whiskey had not dampened his general hospitality . I followed him into the church and sat down in a pew , the reverend one row in front of me and turned halfway , his left arm hanging over the back . I had been in the foyer before and the office , but never all the way into the small main congregation area . It was brighter than I had expected , an airy feeling accompanied by a quiet , peaceful vibe . There were not any stained glass windows but there were still some fanciful displays of reflected sunlight on the walls from the skylight over the altar . " Good to see you again , " he began , " and my apologies for the other day . Not my best moment . It 's a bit of a dark side that I have , a personal demon . " I nodded my forgiveness , although I was not sure if he meant the drinking or the memory of the voice in the mine . Or maybe it was both . " I get it and I 'll leave it alone . Maybe I pushed too hard . I seem to be getting a little bit obsessed with this whole thing . I could tell whatever it was that happened in that mine , well , it spooked you pretty good . " He nodded back slowly , rubbing some light stubble on his face . " Yeah , it did . " There was a short pause , his eyes reflective and faraway , but then he was back in the moment . " So , what have you been doing since then ? I haven 't seen you around in a while and I figured we had all scared you off . " He gave a rueful smile as he finished . He did not reply for a few moments , staring back intently but silently at me . He whispered , " I tell you what I can , but you need to be careful , " before falling silent again . It was not a very satisfying statement but he did not seem inclined to elaborate . Finally he slapped his hand lightly on the back of the pew and asked me for a few more details on Jenny Wilson . I told him everything I had been able to find out and when I was done he shook his head . I waited . " Are you sure ? " I could hear the disappointment in my own voice . I had begun to think of my research into her story as a real piece of detective work , one that would help clear up at least some part of the mystery . The reverend was sure . " No way that voice belonged to anyone older than seven years old . " He sighed and continued . " It would have been nice though , if it had been , I would have known some more of the story anyway . And you found a missing girl that , well , it could have been her for sure , except for the age . Flower Station Road isn 't too far from here … , " his voice trailed off . " Evil exists , everywhere . " The reverend 's eyes were very intense as he spoke , his voice climbing a little in volume . " It takes different forms , acts in different ways , reveals itself at odd times and through strange vehicles . And people perceive all of those manifestations differently , through their own kaleidoscope is how I always put it . So , I 'm sure something evil exists around here . What do you see ? " His question took me aback for a few seconds as I had not expected to be asked to evaluate the idea of evil myself , or how it might apply to Clyde Forks . I thought he would be the expert in that area . I stayed silent and he repeated his question , this time holding his hands in front of his face , twisting an invisible kaleidoscope . Then he leaned over , squeezed my shoulder and spoke . " Beware of that image of evil , it shifts and changes , broken apart into small little glimmers of mismatched information . You need to see what it is before the picture comes into focus . " With that , he walked out the back door . Posted on April 17 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply At the end of that day , I slept one last time at the motel in Almonte and woke the next morning determined to chase down this new lead . I was not certain that I believed my tall co - worker 's assertion that people in the immediate area would not know about something that happened a mere thirty miles away . Perhaps I was just getting conspiracy - minded as I tried to solve this mystery about Clyde Forks . In any event I made the library my first stop , pulling into the small parking lot about ten minutes before it opened . When it did , the same thin , pale librarian with the green eyes who I had dealt with last time unlocked the doors . I asked him a few questions and soon realized that it was true after all ; people in this region of Canada basically kept to themselves and let the rest of the world worry about itself . His most poignant comment was , " If you want to find out something from Calabogie , well then , you better get on up there and figure it out . " When I commented back that he had been so helpful before , he merely replied that this had been because the info he gave me was about Clyde Forks . That was in Lanark County , and Calabogie most certainly was not . At least that gave me a better idea of what " local " meant to people in this area . He did give me directions and I spent a little over an hour on a scenic drive in a generally northern direction , stopping when I passed White Lake to admire the beauty of the area . Arriving around noon in Calabogie , I was impressed by even more beautiful scenery . The road I drove in on paralleled the Madawaska River which then spills into Calabogie Lake . The area , despite some surrounding shops and houses , seemed untouched by most of the other usual intrusions of larger city life . It was quiet and peaceful , filled with trees and summer flowers , slightly warm but with a erratic breeze blowing around the edges of the lake . I took a few minutes to admire it all as I thought about how to proceed . The clerk gave me a rather piercing look as she replied . " What do you want to know about that for , eh ? " She shook her light brown , curly hair , raised her drawn - in eyebrows and placed a hand on her right hip . It was not a friendly pose . I raised my hands up slightly , trying to lighten the tension . " Sorry , I surrender . I 'm not trying to stir anything up . I just was wondering what happened , that 's all . " " Why would you be wondering about it , then ? I figure the ones that should be wondering are the parents and police . Not strangers . " Her look this time was tinted with suspicion . " Unless you got something to gain by it , or know something about it yourself ? " The fact that I knew another town in the area seemed to lessen her hostility a little , although she did keep stepping backward , keeping the distance between us at about thirty feet even as I approached the counter . Eventually she was backed up against the wall , right next to a battered wooden door that seemed to open into an office . She called to someone through that door . " He 's asking about that McNeville boy that went missing last year . And he 's up to some kind of detective work over in Clyde Forks . " Having made that announcement she stepped quickly into the office and slammed the door shut . Carl grimaced and shrugged . " Don 't be too put off my Martha . She sees quite a bit of danger around here these days , since that boy went missing , I suppose . It took us all a little of guard , ya know what I mean , eh ? " Carl proceeded to tell me about a blonde , five year old boy who had disappeared while fishing with his family at a small lake just a little west of Calabogie . From what he told me it seemed as though the boy had disappeared into thin air , there one minute and gone just a few minutes later when his father went to look for him . Not a trace had been left anywhere in the area , including at the spot he was seen to be standing right before he disappeared . A massive police search had been undertaken but nothing had ever come of it . According to Carl , people in the area were of two distinct and separate mindsets . Carl shook his head . " I 'm no detective , and surely no one ever asked me my opinion . At least , no police or anyone like that . But I 've told plenty of folks what I think . If someone took him , it was someone from around here . " He sighed when he finished and ran his hand through his hair again . Then he looked at me . Posted on April 9 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply It was still early in the day but I decided to retreat to the motel for the remainder of it , both to ponder all of the mystery I seemed to be caught up in and also to figure out what I was going to do next . My financial situation was still precarious and would be getting critical fairly soon . After checking in , once again to what was becoming my usual room , I placed the small metal car on top of the banged up dresser and sat down to think . Where was I at ? I knew I had plenty of speculation running through my mind , but what real facts were there at this point ? I wrote this in my journal that day : Looking at that list I felt one thing very strongly - you do not know much , do you ? Basically , I seemed to have uncovered that Clyde Forks was a strange place , one that few people wanted to move to and where few children were born . It was populated by people who fit my idea of odd , but who may very well have been perfectly normal . Some of those people held strange ideas , all unsupported by actual corroborating evidence , and they did not seem very receptive to outsiders . That was hardly a basis for all of my fascination with this place . But then , I had definitely heard that child , a youngster that no one seemed to want to talk about , and who remained hidden from me . It was all a tantalizingly elusive mystery , one I decided I could not resist . With that decision though , came the need to make some more money , so I slept in the remainder of that day and night , and headed out to Almonte in the morning . It was not a large place but it was definitely a more centralized town , one where a person could expect to find some work . The location was picturesque as it sat right on the Mississippi River ( not the same as the one that cuts through the United States ) and the winding bends of the river gave the area a lazy and comfortable feeling . I went around to the various small stores and other businesses and soon had picked up a job helping to unload shipping containers . I spent a week that way , working fourteen hour days and collapsing into a bed at a shabby motel outside of the town at night . Almost everyone that I worked with had some version of my " on the road , in need of money " story and they all seemed to be from places far away from Almonte . It was on my last day of work , a cool Tuesday filled with drizzle and an occasional strong wind , that I finally ended up working with someone who had grown up in the area . It had really not been my intention to get into the whole reason I was working , or what I was doing in Clyde Forks , but the man I was teamed up with was a real talker and drew it out of me . He was tall , maybe six foot seven , and had the look of someone who did a lot of hard labor . He had a face etched by wind and sun , big forearms covered in tattoos of various women 's names and a casual but determined manner , like unloading the Titanic by himself would not be a big deal but he was going to take his time doing it . I resisted his repeated inquires into my situation for a few hours but then told him the whole story , partly because I wanted to but also so he would stop talking about his various , and colorful , past experiences . They were fascinating but inevitably vulgar and over - dramatized . This time he shrugged . " Thirty miles is a long way in these parts . It wouldn 't have made the news over here . Maybe check up in Calabogie . " With that he moved on , starting up another story , this time about " that god - damned gypsy traitor Fallon . " Copyright Notice © Jack Mesenbourg and A Raconteur 's Refuge , 2011 - 2017 . Unauthorized use and / or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog 's author and / or owner is strictly prohibited . Excerpts and links may be used , provided that full and clear credit is given to Jack Mesenbourg and A Raconteur 's Refuge with appropriate and specific direction to the original content . Top Posts & Pages A Faraway Song ( Part 30 ) Copyright Notice © Jack Mesenbourg and A Raconteur 's Refuge , 2011 - 2017 . Unauthorized use and / or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog 's author and / or owner is strictly prohibited . Excerpts and links may be used , provided that full and clear credit is given to Jack Mesenbourg and A Raconteur 's Refuge with appropriate and specific direction to the original content . |
Posted on June 25 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply That is where I left it all of those years ago , taking with me a head full of questions , a real feeling of having left things unresolved and that little toy car as a memento of my adventure . I had left reluctantly but also had sensed the danger I was in , a strange feeling that I would have thought impossible to experience in the civilized world . On my long drive back to my regular life I had vowed to go back at some point and keep seeking answers , much more brave as the distance between myself and Clyde Forks increased . I never did of course , life taking over and the pressing need to solve the mystery fading softly away . I would go back to it occasionally , usually triggered by some other event in my life , but it always seemed very distant and remote , all the burning questions consumed by time . I would dream about Clyde Forks sometimes , or some member of the cast of characters I had met , or stay up an extra few minutes wondering about my experience up there . Most of the time I found it hard to believe I had been so wrapped up in it , or so convinced of a great conspiracy . It was a just an innocent small town , weird for sure , but innocent . Listening to that podcast brought everything back in a wave of memory and those old events suddenly seemed much clearer than before . That led me to digging through a pile of old boxes until I found the journal I had kept on that trip . Sitting down and reading it left me with those questions I posed at the beginning of this story . How could I have just left and stopped looking into what happened up there ? And , what did it all have to do with this missing boy ? Posted on June 18 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply I heard a faint sound to my left and realized that Mabel was speaking , much too lowly for me to hear . I knelt down by the side of her chair , trying to catch what she was saying . She had a sad but defiant look on her face and was staring not at me , but at the reverend . I think she realized I had not heard her as she cleared her throat and resumed speaking a little more loudly , more like a loud whisper now . " So , you are going to be part of this cover - up too ? " I asked her . " Why did you bother to help me then , to give me the clue about the red crow ? That 's a big part of what got me tangled up in this in the first place . Why ? " " Listen , it 's really time for you to go . Like Mabel said earlier , we got you a few answers , not many and not all of them that you wanted I know , but a few . That 's all you 're likely to get . You have to leave . " I stood there , feeling unfulfilled , and staring out through the window into the church parking lot . This little bit of information only seemed to make the remaining questions seem even more important , more urgent . I really believed that a child was being hidden in this community but at the same time I had no definitive reason to believe that anything illegal had taken place . Who was this child , and to whom did it belong ? What was the exact nature of this supposed evil presence in the area ? Was it real or the fantasy of a heartbroken old man ? Or was it something else ? There did not seem to be anyone willing to help me figure these things out . And then there were a bunch of other questions , much smaller and less important , but they still made me feel crazy to think of them going unanswered . Maybe this place really did just have a much different way of living , of acting and of protecting its children . Perhaps the evil did not exist at all , or was just an exaggerated myth . It could be that I had managed to stumble into the quirkiest place in the world . It just all seemed so strange and weird . " Reverend , what else do you know about this place . You claim to know nothing but then you seem to have some information . You tell me that you just got here , even Otto called you a , I think it was a placeholder , but then you knew to come and rescue me today . You make vague allusions to other things you might know . " I made sure he was looking at me before I finished . " What are you really doing here ? " He smiled at me . " I 'm an outsider here , just like Otto said . I might know a few things , information passed down from the religious men who were here before me , but mostly I 'm just observant . That and curious . " He winked at me and gave a very small laugh . " I belong here , or at least I am part of the fabric and culture of this place . They expect one temporary religious man to always be present . You 're not part of it , and there is nothing that can change that . I 'm sure you 're not satisfied but it really is time to go . If it makes you feel better , remember this though as you leave . This talk today , it helped me too , gave me a little closure on my own experience at the mine . I guess her spirit must still be there . I think that is going to help me a lot . So thank you for that . Now , go and forget about this place , and please don 't talk about it . Give this place it 's peace . I 'll watch the kaleidoscope up here for you . " He made the twisting motion with his hands and opened the door . " You 'll be safe getting to your truck . Otto might be mad at you but he 'll be watching and won 't let any harm come to you . " " Son , your little temporary adventure is over . It 's time to go . " His voice conveyed a feeling of finality and also of warning . I shook my head but stepped out the door . It had just about closed behind me when I pushed it back with my hand . I peered inside and spoke to Mabel . " So , when I was talking to him he said that six people had gone missing , or maybe it was seven . " I stopped and tried going back in my memory , sticking up my fingers as I recounted the individuals in my head . Then I continued . " Ok , well , I think he said six , but then it was seven , and well , either way , there was always one that he didn 't want to talk about . " " Well , I don 't know exactly what he told you about but it was probably mostly about them people he was related to . Some miner was the first , his brother , just vanished one day right as they were closing up the camp around the mine . Then another couple of miners , or laborers maybe , one of them was his uncle . And crazy Hattie of course , that was his sister . " " Bat - shit crazy woman who used to wander around this area , muttering to herself , stripping off clothes and setting them on fire , walking around naked after that . Your friend from the house was forever bringing her clothes but she 'd just end up burning them again a few days later or tearing them to shreds . I never did figure out how she ever survived a winter , but she did , quite a few actually . But then one day he found her campsite abandoned , no trace of her around , then or ever . " Mabel reached over and touched my arm , giving Otto a cautionary look as she did so . " More people than that have turned up missing , and I 'm sure they included those other ones you mentioned . I think Otto was just telling you that there were three relatives that disappeared and that is what started the whole evil presence thing . " " What about the one that he refused to talk about ? I tried a couple of times but he never told me . Do you know about that person ? " " Please , let 's just get this done with , okay ? I don 't think that a little more information here is going to hurt . Please . " " It was a girl , one that was living with him . A relative had dropped the child off one day and then never came back . She was … ' " he went silent without finishing , a faraway look in his eyes . " She was ours , all of ours . He couldn 't take care of her right , well not right exactly , just completely , like she should have been taken care of . He was too old . So we all helped look after her . She was ours , a child for this place . Ours . " I did not think he was finished , and he did continue several moments later . " Then , one day , she was gone . Not a sign of her anywhere except this doll she played with , a golden - haired doll with a pink dress . " Otto clenched his eyes closed , tightly , and shook his head . I glanced over at Mabel , who was not hiding her tears . The reverend was wide - eyed and staring intently at Otto and I . " That doll , they found it on the path to the mine . And that 's all I know and all you need to know . Now leave ! " Which is what Otto did , slamming the office door behind him . The reverend leaned back and let out a very large sigh . " Well , I can 't say I expected any of that . What a story . Is it true ? " He asked this while looking at Mabel , who had still not bothered to clean up her face . " Not really . I 'm sorry , but it isn 't . The thing I really want to know is who lives in that house with , well , the guy I call Brown Suit ? " " I 'm not sure anyone does son . Maybe it 's just your imagination , maybe you are a little too wrapped up in this whole thing that you see as such a mystery . Don 't you think that you might just be making that part up ? " " No , I don 't . I felt like someone else was there when I was in the house , and I heard it later with my own ears . I heard a child , right here , right on that street back there , " I replied while pointing back in the direction of Cemetery Road . " What is the big secret here ? " " Yes . But that 's got nothing to do with any of the matter you are so worked up about . She was just a missing girl and I saw her in a car . " Mabel cut me off . " Listen , it 's not relevant as Otto already said . We 'll get you a few answers , but it will likely be a very few and you shouldn 't waste them on that Wilson girl . Otto here is a good man but protective of this place . " She had a kind look on her face but the tone in her voice was less friendly , much more matter - of - fact . I took her suggestion to heart and spent a minute trying to compose my thoughts . He looked over at the reverend , then at me and then at the floor before answering . " I 'll answer , maybe . You need to leave here , that 's what I think , just leave now and don 't bother us again . These two seem to think otherwise , like we owe you something . If it 'll get rid of you , I 'll answer … maybe . Why do you think we should help him anyway , reverend ? " The reverend leaned forward . " Because I 'm sure we don 't want to have anything unfortunate happen here and I think if you give him a few simple answers , well that will be enough to satisfy his curiosity . Then he can go in peace and we all go back to our regular lives . " " Who lives with Brown Suit ? " All I received was a blank look . I was about to get angry when I realized that my nicknames for these people were known only to me . " Ok , listen , nobody around here will tell me their name , or at least most people won 't . I don 't know why , but it seems to be a thing . I just figured her name out when the reverend said it . " Mabel looked back at me but did not offer to add anything . " So , I have nicknames for people . That guy at the end of the road , the house with the big tree down in the yard ? " Otto nodded in reply , so I figured that meant he understood who I was talking about . He , of course , did not offer me a name to use , so I went back to nicknames . " I call him Brown Suit . So , who lives with him ? " " This is not going to work . I 'm going back to my truck . " I stood up but the reverend waved me back down . " Take it easy . Remember that this information you want , well it really isn 't any of your business although you seem to have made it that way . I 'm trying to get you a few answers but you need to be patient . Maybe start with something else ? " " I mean , Brown Suit told me that a bunch of people have disappeared from this area . He believes that the mine is haunted by some evil thing , a presence that , well , I guess he believes it lives in this area . He thinks it travels around and he follows it , trying to feed this thing his rabbits . " I was met with silence which I thought meant they did not understand what I was saying so I added , " you know , so that the evil thing eats the rabbits instead of people . He thinks it feeds on life energy or something like that and that he can substitute rabbits for people because all life has this energy . " More silence followed that , which is when I realized that it was because I was not telling them anything they did not already know . It was just the silence of people listening to a well - known story . Otto looked over at me , waited a few moments and then spoke . " A few people went missing , sure they did . People go missing from all over . That 's not what 's making him believe in evil things . He believes in that because of who goes missing . " Several minutes later I was sitting in the church office once again , this time with Eyebrows in a chair across from me , fanning herself with a copy of a religious magazine . I felt very tired and was fighting to keep my attention on the moment as a long nap sounded like a much better option . The reverend stayed near the door , staring out the window for five minutes before joining us . He sat down heavily in his chair and rubbed his hand across his forehead . Eyebrows got up immediately , casting a hard look his way and muttering , " we all need something to drink , don 't you think ? " under her breath . She returned with a tray full of glasses and a pitcher of ice water , pouring one for each of us . I had just started to drink when a sharp knock sounded from the door , startling me enough to make me choke . Eyebrows looked at the reverend who had stood up so he could see out the small window . " It 's Otto . I wondered if he might show up . It 'll be okay . " He gave us both a small , reassuring smile and then let the man in . I turned to look and my weariness left me . It was Window Man . Up close he still looked pale but not grey , which had been my initial impression of him . His skin was actually almost translucent and waxy in appearance . When I had run past him earlier I had caught a closer glimpse of his eyes which seemed to be shiny and less green than I had first thought them to be . Now I saw that they were actually green with gold flecks that made them glow even in the subdued light of the church office . He was not wearing his hat but had on a grey vest with a red feather partially sticking out of the watch pocket . He spoke through thin , dark lips . " I 'm here to give you a simple message young man , not from those people down the road as I figure you got their message loud and clear . This one is just from me . You need to leave before you do some real harm to this community , or something happens to you . Do you understand me ? " His voice was high - pitched and raspy . " I 'm not here to harm anyone . I just came here to check out a stupid old abandoned mine and got tangled up in all of this weirdness you have around here . I 'm just trying to figure out what 's going on . " " This place may seem strange to you , but it 's just outside of your life experience . Things here are just as normal for us as they have always been . " As he finished he looked over at the reverend , then waved at Eyebrows . " It figures you two would be the ones to come save this fella . You two outsiders … " His voice trailed off , but then it came back , in the middle of a sentence which had obviously started in his head . " … understand a damn thing about this place . " Eyebrows snorted before replying . " Don 't you be telling me who 's an outsider , Otto Clements . I 've been here plenty long enough to see very clearly what this place is , its beauty and its flaws . Plenty of both , don 't ya think ? " " You got nothing to say about who should or shouldn 't know things about this place . You 're just another damn religious place - holder doing your turn in the woods . Stay out of what you don 't understand . " " I 'm really trying to help you Otto , help you save your community as I think you just put it . I know that you are the only one I have ever seen around here , other than Mabel , " and here he gestured toward Eyebrows , " that has shown any kindness to strangers that have passed through Clyde Forks . That 's why I thought you might show up after what just happened out there . And I also know that you aren 't a violent man and don 't want to see any kind of mob action take place here in this community that you care about so much . So , let me help you get this young man on his way . " I spoke up before the reverend could reply . " You think all these missing people are just normal ? You think that hiding children is some kind of innocent weirdness that I don 't understand ? I 'm going to get some answers or . " I stopped before finishing , as " die trying " seemed like a very bad choice of words given the earlier events . " Well , I 'm going to figure it out . " I finished with that instead . She nodded and left the room as the reverend turned to Window Man . " Otto , I know you mean well and that 's why I thought you might follow us here . You know as well as I , honestly much better than I , that there are things about this place which would probably strike any rational person as strange . At least , anyone who did not come from here . A lot of those things have simple explanations that are much more innocent than they might appear . I think we can clear up this matter a little bit for this young man and then get him safely on his way . Can you help me with that ? " As Otto silently considered that , my brain was trying to figure out why his name sounded familiar . Eyebrows , or Mabel as I now knew her to be , returned and set a chair directly behind him . He was sitting down when it came to me . Posted on May 7 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply I eyed each person as I approached them , my stomach turning in nervous anticipation of unknown possibilities , looking for any sign of immediate danger . The first person I passed I had not seen before , a stocky , dark - haired man with a fat face and thick forearms that stuck out of the torn - off sleeves on a faded plaid shirt . He grunted with every breath , his nostrils flaring and sweat running down his forehead . Then came a couple I was also unfamiliar with , both of whom glowered at me from behind identical pairs of horn - rimmed glasses . Than Mr . Overalls and a short , thin woman with a ruddy face and poorly dyed , but very bright red hair . He stomped a foot down as I approached , causing me to jump , which seemed to amused Red Hair . Another man , greasy and grimy from top to bottom , emerged from the auto parts garage behind them and spat in my direction . A few more steps up the road stood what I figured to be my real threat . Shotgun and the man standing with him . It could not have been his father , as I had learned he was dead , but maybe an uncle or other close relative . They looked remarkably similar , and equally threatening . I have to admit that I almost lost my nerve at that point , almost turned and ran back toward Brown Suit , back down the gauntlet of people who seemed like friends compared to what I now expected to encounter . A brief wave of nausea passed over me and I clenched my mouth , purposely biting my tongue to give me something else to think about . The billowing colors up near Clyde Forks Road caught my eye again and now I could see that it was Eyebrows who was standing with the reverend . Would she really let something happen to me ? Would these people actually do something terrible to me with those two watching them ? Were the reverend and Eyebrows even on my side , or were they simply the final part of this community action ? I was not sure but thought it a bad sign that neither her nor the reverend seemed willing to walk down the road to be with me . I resumed walking , a quiver in my knees , taking four steps before Shotgun moved the weapon from its resting place in his arms and leveled it at the ground off to my right . It did not move from there as I approached him and the man who was with him did not move either . Both sets of their eyes locked with mine and the message was clear . Don 't come down this road again . As I passed them , Shotgun starting swinging the weapon , keeping it aimed at the road just a little bit behind me . I could feel my stomach clenching and I was soaked in sweat by the time I had moved twenty feet further . Finally the weapon stopped tracking my progress and a wave of relief swept over me . I paused , bending over to rest my hands on my knees . Before I could think about it , I promptly threw up in the road , my mind taking that moment to be worried about what kind of impression that was leaving on these people . Wiping my mouth , I glanced back and saw the man next to Shotgun start to move the weapon off of his hip . I took off running immediately and did not stop the rest of the way , passing about ten other people at whom I did not even look . As I approached the sinking brick house , the last one on the road , I noticed that Window Man was there , leaning on his mail box but seemingly noncommittal about being involved in delivering the community 's message to me . He settled for a short nod in my direction and then turned back toward his house . Ten feet later I staggered to a stop in front of the reverend and Eyebrows and sunk to the ground , breathing heavily . The two of them were silent as I recovered , my breathing finally settling down although a tremor remained in my body , some residual effect of the fear I had felt coming up Cemetery Road . Finally , about three minutes after I had collapsed , Eyebrows reached down and took my arm , a gust of wind swirling her multi - colored shawl around my face . With a little extra effort I managed to stand up and she kept hold of me , guiding me out of the intersection and east toward the church . I could hear the reverend a few paces behind us , his shoes crunching against the road gravel . I started to protest . " Just let me , well , ok , I guess . " It did seem like a good idea to get inside somewhere safe . " What the hell , sorry , heck , was that all about anyway ? " We were almost out of the intersection of the two roads , and I turned my head quickly to look at my tormentors one more time . The shawl was still swirling in the breeze and I had to reach up with my left hand and push it away . I felt better , just a little bit defiant , making up for my fear I suppose , and I thought about flipping the bird to the people who had made me feel that way . As I pulled the shawl down , ready to face them , I was surprised to see that Cemetery Road was empty . Posted on April 30 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply I stayed there for a few minutes , feeling confused but safe in the embrace of the building . No wonder people seek out churches for refuge or sanctuary , as they do seem to have a sense of security embedded within their walls . I was tempted to stay , to maybe curl up in a pew and take a nap , but my curiosity got me moving . When I finally stood up to leave I had no better idea of what I was planning to do next than I had when I first sat down , but I was determined to keep trying to solve this mystery . By the time I had walked back to my truck it was too late to get anything else done that day . The afternoon had slipped into early evening and the buzz of insects , finally able to emerge from their daytime hiding places , filled the air . I set up my sleeping bag in the bed of my truck and then sat on the tailgate , rubbing myself up with insect repellent . I had just kicked off one boot when I heard it . A shout , youthful and excited , the kind of yelp small children give when opening a present or being given a puppy . It rang out as clear as a church bell on a still afternoon , and seemed to echo a little in the surrounding trees . Then there was a loud , thick bang , like a heavy piece of lumber falling onto cement , and then silence . By that time I was running down the road , one boot sloppily tied up and hindering my speed . I had no doubt about the direction that shout had come from , right down Cemetery Road , right from the house at the end . By the time I reached the edge of Brown Suit 's driveway , all was quiet and still . I could not even hear the insects anymore , but that was likely due to my pounding heart , which had the sound of blood booming in my ears . After a few deep breaths I marched up to the door and started banging on it , yelling for someone to open it up . When that got no response I walked around toward the rabbit enclosure and ran right into Brown Suit who seemed to be waiting for me . He stood there , taking up more space than it seemed possible , blue eyes flashing with anger but also tinged with apprehension . He put out one arm toward me . " I heard it , you know I did , I , you . " I stopped and took a few deep breaths , trying to compose myself and recover the ability to speak complete sentences . Brown Suit 's arm remained outstretched . " I heard that child again , it came from here , I know it did . You know it did . " " What about all of those toys back there , " I shouted , pointing toward the area behind the Red Crow barn , " and the bike , what about that ? " I started to move , to try to go around him but something about his posture told me that he was not going to let me pass , no matter what sacrifice it cost him . He was old and I should not have had a problem just pushing my way past , but in that moment it just did not seem possible . By then I had also managed to realize that I was definitely acting foolishly , trespassing on private property , yelling accusations at an old man , and even thinking about forcing my way further onto his property . I settled for a final threat . " I know you have a child here , and I 've been to Calabogie . " I was not sure as I spoke what I exactly meant by the last part of my threat . I did not have any definitive information tying that missing boy to this mystery , but then I did not have anything excluding him either . I guess I was trying to get some kind of reaction out of the old man but he remained silent , his facial expression unchanged . They all stood there , right at the end of their respective driveways , silently looking at me . Most of their arms were crossed and none of them looked friendly . Shotgun had his favorite weapon cradled in the crook of his arm , and next to him stood an older man who had a similar weapon propped into the air against his right hip . I looked behind me and Brown Suit had not moved , although his arm was down and his eyes now seemed amused . His lips did not move but I heard him . I moved slowly down his driveway and then stopped at the end of it , eyeing the assembled residents of Cemetery Road warily . I felt like my next step , off of Brown Suit 's property , represented some kind of boundary that I was not sure I wanted to cross . It was strange to think of his property as somewhere safe , or at least safer than what I might encounter once I stepped off of it . The sounds of the insects were back even though my heart was now pounding just as hard as it had been before . The buzzing seemed louder than it should have been , insistent and ominous , and was effecting my ability to think straight . Shadows were creeping into the road , the tips of garages and trees making shapes against the gravel . I was frozen in place and the journey back to my truck seemed like a very long one . I saw some movement up toward Clyde Forks Road and after a few moments realized it was Reverend Currie and someone else whom I could not make out . He stood directly in the middle of the road , hands clasped behind his back , looking right at me . The person next to him seemed to change shape , some billowing of various colors caught up in a breeze I could not feel where I stood . I was not sure what his presence meant for me , but it did help to get me moving . I took a minute to re - tie my boot and then stepped off , my right foot seeming to be in slow motion , and moved off of Brown Suit 's property . Posted on April 23 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply " I , I , well … , " my voice trailed off as I fought for an answer . I felt a little overwhelmed in that moment , and also not completely sure how much of my suspicions to share with this man . I had spilled my story to my co - worker at the loading dock in Almonte , but that did not seem the same as this current situation . Here I had a community of people who had indeed lost a small child and seemed to be pretty well spooked by it . Some version less than the truth seemed to be appropriate . " It 's that Jenny Wilson girl , have you heard about her ? " Carl shook his head in response and I told him the story , along with the fact that she may have been seen in a car around Clyde Forks after she was reported missing . My explanation seemed to satisfy Carl , who was telling me he was sorry he could not be of more help to me , when Martha opened the office door and peeked out . " Don 't let him lie to you Carl . He asked me about a missing boy , not no missing girl . He 's up to something , something no good I 'll wager . " She banged the door shut and Carl , forehead wrinkled in thought , turned to me . Caught in my own rushed lie , I shrugged and quickly walked out of the store . By the time I was back in my truck and driving down the street back the way I had come in , there were three rather unfriendly looking men standing with Carl outside of the bait shop . Feeling more afraid than I wanted to admit , I sped off and drove straight back to my spot at the intersection of Clyde Forks and Cemetery Road . It was mid - afternoon by then and much warmer than it had been in Calabogie . The woods seemed to keep the heat trapped near the road and there was no breeze present to stir it up or move it along . It was much too hot to sit around in my truck so I wandered aimlessly down Clyde Forks Road , my mind churning through ideas but not paying much attention to where I was going . When I finally realized where I was , Reverend Currie was staring back at me from the front steps of the church . His arms were folded across his chest but he smiled when I looked over at him and then waved a hand , beckoning me forward . I guess our previous interaction over the bottle of whiskey had not dampened his general hospitality . I followed him into the church and sat down in a pew , the reverend one row in front of me and turned halfway , his left arm hanging over the back . I had been in the foyer before and the office , but never all the way into the small main congregation area . It was brighter than I had expected , an airy feeling accompanied by a quiet , peaceful vibe . There were not any stained glass windows but there were still some fanciful displays of reflected sunlight on the walls from the skylight over the altar . " Good to see you again , " he began , " and my apologies for the other day . Not my best moment . It 's a bit of a dark side that I have , a personal demon . " I nodded my forgiveness , although I was not sure if he meant the drinking or the memory of the voice in the mine . Or maybe it was both . " I get it and I 'll leave it alone . Maybe I pushed too hard . I seem to be getting a little bit obsessed with this whole thing . I could tell whatever it was that happened in that mine , well , it spooked you pretty good . " He nodded back slowly , rubbing some light stubble on his face . " Yeah , it did . " There was a short pause , his eyes reflective and faraway , but then he was back in the moment . " So , what have you been doing since then ? I haven 't seen you around in a while and I figured we had all scared you off . " He gave a rueful smile as he finished . He did not reply for a few moments , staring back intently but silently at me . He whispered , " I tell you what I can , but you need to be careful , " before falling silent again . It was not a very satisfying statement but he did not seem inclined to elaborate . Finally he slapped his hand lightly on the back of the pew and asked me for a few more details on Jenny Wilson . I told him everything I had been able to find out and when I was done he shook his head . I waited . " Are you sure ? " I could hear the disappointment in my own voice . I had begun to think of my research into her story as a real piece of detective work , one that would help clear up at least some part of the mystery . The reverend was sure . " No way that voice belonged to anyone older than seven years old . " He sighed and continued . " It would have been nice though , if it had been , I would have known some more of the story anyway . And you found a missing girl that , well , it could have been her for sure , except for the age . Flower Station Road isn 't too far from here … , " his voice trailed off . " Evil exists , everywhere . " The reverend 's eyes were very intense as he spoke , his voice climbing a little in volume . " It takes different forms , acts in different ways , reveals itself at odd times and through strange vehicles . And people perceive all of those manifestations differently , through their own kaleidoscope is how I always put it . So , I 'm sure something evil exists around here . What do you see ? " His question took me aback for a few seconds as I had not expected to be asked to evaluate the idea of evil myself , or how it might apply to Clyde Forks . I thought he would be the expert in that area . I stayed silent and he repeated his question , this time holding his hands in front of his face , twisting an invisible kaleidoscope . Then he leaned over , squeezed my shoulder and spoke . " Beware of that image of evil , it shifts and changes , broken apart into small little glimmers of mismatched information . You need to see what it is before the picture comes into focus . " With that , he walked out the back door . Posted on April 17 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply At the end of that day , I slept one last time at the motel in Almonte and woke the next morning determined to chase down this new lead . I was not certain that I believed my tall co - worker 's assertion that people in the immediate area would not know about something that happened a mere thirty miles away . Perhaps I was just getting conspiracy - minded as I tried to solve this mystery about Clyde Forks . In any event I made the library my first stop , pulling into the small parking lot about ten minutes before it opened . When it did , the same thin , pale librarian with the green eyes who I had dealt with last time unlocked the doors . I asked him a few questions and soon realized that it was true after all ; people in this region of Canada basically kept to themselves and let the rest of the world worry about itself . His most poignant comment was , " If you want to find out something from Calabogie , well then , you better get on up there and figure it out . " When I commented back that he had been so helpful before , he merely replied that this had been because the info he gave me was about Clyde Forks . That was in Lanark County , and Calabogie most certainly was not . At least that gave me a better idea of what " local " meant to people in this area . He did give me directions and I spent a little over an hour on a scenic drive in a generally northern direction , stopping when I passed White Lake to admire the beauty of the area . Arriving around noon in Calabogie , I was impressed by even more beautiful scenery . The road I drove in on paralleled the Madawaska River which then spills into Calabogie Lake . The area , despite some surrounding shops and houses , seemed untouched by most of the other usual intrusions of larger city life . It was quiet and peaceful , filled with trees and summer flowers , slightly warm but with a erratic breeze blowing around the edges of the lake . I took a few minutes to admire it all as I thought about how to proceed . The clerk gave me a rather piercing look as she replied . " What do you want to know about that for , eh ? " She shook her light brown , curly hair , raised her drawn - in eyebrows and placed a hand on her right hip . It was not a friendly pose . I raised my hands up slightly , trying to lighten the tension . " Sorry , I surrender . I 'm not trying to stir anything up . I just was wondering what happened , that 's all . " " Why would you be wondering about it , then ? I figure the ones that should be wondering are the parents and police . Not strangers . " Her look this time was tinted with suspicion . " Unless you got something to gain by it , or know something about it yourself ? " The fact that I knew another town in the area seemed to lessen her hostility a little , although she did keep stepping backward , keeping the distance between us at about thirty feet even as I approached the counter . Eventually she was backed up against the wall , right next to a battered wooden door that seemed to open into an office . She called to someone through that door . " He 's asking about that McNeville boy that went missing last year . And he 's up to some kind of detective work over in Clyde Forks . " Having made that announcement she stepped quickly into the office and slammed the door shut . Carl grimaced and shrugged . " Don 't be too put off my Martha . She sees quite a bit of danger around here these days , since that boy went missing , I suppose . It took us all a little of guard , ya know what I mean , eh ? " Carl proceeded to tell me about a blonde , five year old boy who had disappeared while fishing with his family at a small lake just a little west of Calabogie . From what he told me it seemed as though the boy had disappeared into thin air , there one minute and gone just a few minutes later when his father went to look for him . Not a trace had been left anywhere in the area , including at the spot he was seen to be standing right before he disappeared . A massive police search had been undertaken but nothing had ever come of it . According to Carl , people in the area were of two distinct and separate mindsets . Carl shook his head . " I 'm no detective , and surely no one ever asked me my opinion . At least , no police or anyone like that . But I 've told plenty of folks what I think . If someone took him , it was someone from around here . " He sighed when he finished and ran his hand through his hair again . Then he looked at me . Posted on April 9 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply It was still early in the day but I decided to retreat to the motel for the remainder of it , both to ponder all of the mystery I seemed to be caught up in and also to figure out what I was going to do next . My financial situation was still precarious and would be getting critical fairly soon . After checking in , once again to what was becoming my usual room , I placed the small metal car on top of the banged up dresser and sat down to think . Where was I at ? I knew I had plenty of speculation running through my mind , but what real facts were there at this point ? I wrote this in my journal that day : Looking at that list I felt one thing very strongly - you do not know much , do you ? Basically , I seemed to have uncovered that Clyde Forks was a strange place , one that few people wanted to move to and where few children were born . It was populated by people who fit my idea of odd , but who may very well have been perfectly normal . Some of those people held strange ideas , all unsupported by actual corroborating evidence , and they did not seem very receptive to outsiders . That was hardly a basis for all of my fascination with this place . But then , I had definitely heard that child , a youngster that no one seemed to want to talk about , and who remained hidden from me . It was all a tantalizingly elusive mystery , one I decided I could not resist . With that decision though , came the need to make some more money , so I slept in the remainder of that day and night , and headed out to Almonte in the morning . It was not a large place but it was definitely a more centralized town , one where a person could expect to find some work . The location was picturesque as it sat right on the Mississippi River ( not the same as the one that cuts through the United States ) and the winding bends of the river gave the area a lazy and comfortable feeling . I went around to the various small stores and other businesses and soon had picked up a job helping to unload shipping containers . I spent a week that way , working fourteen hour days and collapsing into a bed at a shabby motel outside of the town at night . Almost everyone that I worked with had some version of my " on the road , in need of money " story and they all seemed to be from places far away from Almonte . It was on my last day of work , a cool Tuesday filled with drizzle and an occasional strong wind , that I finally ended up working with someone who had grown up in the area . It had really not been my intention to get into the whole reason I was working , or what I was doing in Clyde Forks , but the man I was teamed up with was a real talker and drew it out of me . He was tall , maybe six foot seven , and had the look of someone who did a lot of hard labor . He had a face etched by wind and sun , big forearms covered in tattoos of various women 's names and a casual but determined manner , like unloading the Titanic by himself would not be a big deal but he was going to take his time doing it . I resisted his repeated inquires into my situation for a few hours but then told him the whole story , partly because I wanted to but also so he would stop talking about his various , and colorful , past experiences . They were fascinating but inevitably vulgar and over - dramatized . This time he shrugged . " Thirty miles is a long way in these parts . It wouldn 't have made the news over here . Maybe check up in Calabogie . " With that he moved on , starting up another story , this time about " that god - damned gypsy traitor Fallon . " Copyright Notice © Jack Mesenbourg and A Raconteur 's Refuge , 2011 - 2017 . Unauthorized use and / or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog 's author and / or owner is strictly prohibited . Excerpts and links may be used , provided that full and clear credit is given to Jack Mesenbourg and A Raconteur 's Refuge with appropriate and specific direction to the original content . Top Posts & Pages A Faraway Song ( Part 30 ) Copyright Notice © Jack Mesenbourg and A Raconteur 's Refuge , 2011 - 2017 . Unauthorized use and / or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog 's author and / or owner is strictly prohibited . Excerpts and links may be used , provided that full and clear credit is given to Jack Mesenbourg and A Raconteur 's Refuge with appropriate and specific direction to the original content . |
Posted on June 25 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply That is where I left it all of those years ago , taking with me a head full of questions , a real feeling of having left things unresolved and that little toy car as a memento of my adventure . I had left reluctantly but also had sensed the danger I was in , a strange feeling that I would have thought impossible to experience in the civilized world . On my long drive back to my regular life I had vowed to go back at some point and keep seeking answers , much more brave as the distance between myself and Clyde Forks increased . I never did of course , life taking over and the pressing need to solve the mystery fading softly away . I would go back to it occasionally , usually triggered by some other event in my life , but it always seemed very distant and remote , all the burning questions consumed by time . I would dream about Clyde Forks sometimes , or some member of the cast of characters I had met , or stay up an extra few minutes wondering about my experience up there . Most of the time I found it hard to believe I had been so wrapped up in it , or so convinced of a great conspiracy . It was a just an innocent small town , weird for sure , but innocent . Listening to that podcast brought everything back in a wave of memory and those old events suddenly seemed much clearer than before . That led me to digging through a pile of old boxes until I found the journal I had kept on that trip . Sitting down and reading it left me with those questions I posed at the beginning of this story . How could I have just left and stopped looking into what happened up there ? And , what did it all have to do with this missing boy ? Posted on June 18 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply I heard a faint sound to my left and realized that Mabel was speaking , much too lowly for me to hear . I knelt down by the side of her chair , trying to catch what she was saying . She had a sad but defiant look on her face and was staring not at me , but at the reverend . I think she realized I had not heard her as she cleared her throat and resumed speaking a little more loudly , more like a loud whisper now . " So , you are going to be part of this cover - up too ? " I asked her . " Why did you bother to help me then , to give me the clue about the red crow ? That 's a big part of what got me tangled up in this in the first place . Why ? " " Listen , it 's really time for you to go . Like Mabel said earlier , we got you a few answers , not many and not all of them that you wanted I know , but a few . That 's all you 're likely to get . You have to leave . " I stood there , feeling unfulfilled , and staring out through the window into the church parking lot . This little bit of information only seemed to make the remaining questions seem even more important , more urgent . I really believed that a child was being hidden in this community but at the same time I had no definitive reason to believe that anything illegal had taken place . Who was this child , and to whom did it belong ? What was the exact nature of this supposed evil presence in the area ? Was it real or the fantasy of a heartbroken old man ? Or was it something else ? There did not seem to be anyone willing to help me figure these things out . And then there were a bunch of other questions , much smaller and less important , but they still made me feel crazy to think of them going unanswered . Maybe this place really did just have a much different way of living , of acting and of protecting its children . Perhaps the evil did not exist at all , or was just an exaggerated myth . It could be that I had managed to stumble into the quirkiest place in the world . It just all seemed so strange and weird . " Reverend , what else do you know about this place . You claim to know nothing but then you seem to have some information . You tell me that you just got here , even Otto called you a , I think it was a placeholder , but then you knew to come and rescue me today . You make vague allusions to other things you might know . " I made sure he was looking at me before I finished . " What are you really doing here ? " He smiled at me . " I 'm an outsider here , just like Otto said . I might know a few things , information passed down from the religious men who were here before me , but mostly I 'm just observant . That and curious . " He winked at me and gave a very small laugh . " I belong here , or at least I am part of the fabric and culture of this place . They expect one temporary religious man to always be present . You 're not part of it , and there is nothing that can change that . I 'm sure you 're not satisfied but it really is time to go . If it makes you feel better , remember this though as you leave . This talk today , it helped me too , gave me a little closure on my own experience at the mine . I guess her spirit must still be there . I think that is going to help me a lot . So thank you for that . Now , go and forget about this place , and please don 't talk about it . Give this place it 's peace . I 'll watch the kaleidoscope up here for you . " He made the twisting motion with his hands and opened the door . " You 'll be safe getting to your truck . Otto might be mad at you but he 'll be watching and won 't let any harm come to you . " " Son , your little temporary adventure is over . It 's time to go . " His voice conveyed a feeling of finality and also of warning . I shook my head but stepped out the door . It had just about closed behind me when I pushed it back with my hand . I peered inside and spoke to Mabel . " So , when I was talking to him he said that six people had gone missing , or maybe it was seven . " I stopped and tried going back in my memory , sticking up my fingers as I recounted the individuals in my head . Then I continued . " Ok , well , I think he said six , but then it was seven , and well , either way , there was always one that he didn 't want to talk about . " " Well , I don 't know exactly what he told you about but it was probably mostly about them people he was related to . Some miner was the first , his brother , just vanished one day right as they were closing up the camp around the mine . Then another couple of miners , or laborers maybe , one of them was his uncle . And crazy Hattie of course , that was his sister . " " Bat - shit crazy woman who used to wander around this area , muttering to herself , stripping off clothes and setting them on fire , walking around naked after that . Your friend from the house was forever bringing her clothes but she 'd just end up burning them again a few days later or tearing them to shreds . I never did figure out how she ever survived a winter , but she did , quite a few actually . But then one day he found her campsite abandoned , no trace of her around , then or ever . " Mabel reached over and touched my arm , giving Otto a cautionary look as she did so . " More people than that have turned up missing , and I 'm sure they included those other ones you mentioned . I think Otto was just telling you that there were three relatives that disappeared and that is what started the whole evil presence thing . " " What about the one that he refused to talk about ? I tried a couple of times but he never told me . Do you know about that person ? " " Please , let 's just get this done with , okay ? I don 't think that a little more information here is going to hurt . Please . " " It was a girl , one that was living with him . A relative had dropped the child off one day and then never came back . She was … ' " he went silent without finishing , a faraway look in his eyes . " She was ours , all of ours . He couldn 't take care of her right , well not right exactly , just completely , like she should have been taken care of . He was too old . So we all helped look after her . She was ours , a child for this place . Ours . " I did not think he was finished , and he did continue several moments later . " Then , one day , she was gone . Not a sign of her anywhere except this doll she played with , a golden - haired doll with a pink dress . " Otto clenched his eyes closed , tightly , and shook his head . I glanced over at Mabel , who was not hiding her tears . The reverend was wide - eyed and staring intently at Otto and I . " That doll , they found it on the path to the mine . And that 's all I know and all you need to know . Now leave ! " Which is what Otto did , slamming the office door behind him . The reverend leaned back and let out a very large sigh . " Well , I can 't say I expected any of that . What a story . Is it true ? " He asked this while looking at Mabel , who had still not bothered to clean up her face . " Not really . I 'm sorry , but it isn 't . The thing I really want to know is who lives in that house with , well , the guy I call Brown Suit ? " " I 'm not sure anyone does son . Maybe it 's just your imagination , maybe you are a little too wrapped up in this whole thing that you see as such a mystery . Don 't you think that you might just be making that part up ? " " No , I don 't . I felt like someone else was there when I was in the house , and I heard it later with my own ears . I heard a child , right here , right on that street back there , " I replied while pointing back in the direction of Cemetery Road . " What is the big secret here ? " " Yes . But that 's got nothing to do with any of the matter you are so worked up about . She was just a missing girl and I saw her in a car . " Mabel cut me off . " Listen , it 's not relevant as Otto already said . We 'll get you a few answers , but it will likely be a very few and you shouldn 't waste them on that Wilson girl . Otto here is a good man but protective of this place . " She had a kind look on her face but the tone in her voice was less friendly , much more matter - of - fact . I took her suggestion to heart and spent a minute trying to compose my thoughts . He looked over at the reverend , then at me and then at the floor before answering . " I 'll answer , maybe . You need to leave here , that 's what I think , just leave now and don 't bother us again . These two seem to think otherwise , like we owe you something . If it 'll get rid of you , I 'll answer … maybe . Why do you think we should help him anyway , reverend ? " The reverend leaned forward . " Because I 'm sure we don 't want to have anything unfortunate happen here and I think if you give him a few simple answers , well that will be enough to satisfy his curiosity . Then he can go in peace and we all go back to our regular lives . " " Who lives with Brown Suit ? " All I received was a blank look . I was about to get angry when I realized that my nicknames for these people were known only to me . " Ok , listen , nobody around here will tell me their name , or at least most people won 't . I don 't know why , but it seems to be a thing . I just figured her name out when the reverend said it . " Mabel looked back at me but did not offer to add anything . " So , I have nicknames for people . That guy at the end of the road , the house with the big tree down in the yard ? " Otto nodded in reply , so I figured that meant he understood who I was talking about . He , of course , did not offer me a name to use , so I went back to nicknames . " I call him Brown Suit . So , who lives with him ? " " This is not going to work . I 'm going back to my truck . " I stood up but the reverend waved me back down . " Take it easy . Remember that this information you want , well it really isn 't any of your business although you seem to have made it that way . I 'm trying to get you a few answers but you need to be patient . Maybe start with something else ? " " I mean , Brown Suit told me that a bunch of people have disappeared from this area . He believes that the mine is haunted by some evil thing , a presence that , well , I guess he believes it lives in this area . He thinks it travels around and he follows it , trying to feed this thing his rabbits . " I was met with silence which I thought meant they did not understand what I was saying so I added , " you know , so that the evil thing eats the rabbits instead of people . He thinks it feeds on life energy or something like that and that he can substitute rabbits for people because all life has this energy . " More silence followed that , which is when I realized that it was because I was not telling them anything they did not already know . It was just the silence of people listening to a well - known story . Otto looked over at me , waited a few moments and then spoke . " A few people went missing , sure they did . People go missing from all over . That 's not what 's making him believe in evil things . He believes in that because of who goes missing . " Several minutes later I was sitting in the church office once again , this time with Eyebrows in a chair across from me , fanning herself with a copy of a religious magazine . I felt very tired and was fighting to keep my attention on the moment as a long nap sounded like a much better option . The reverend stayed near the door , staring out the window for five minutes before joining us . He sat down heavily in his chair and rubbed his hand across his forehead . Eyebrows got up immediately , casting a hard look his way and muttering , " we all need something to drink , don 't you think ? " under her breath . She returned with a tray full of glasses and a pitcher of ice water , pouring one for each of us . I had just started to drink when a sharp knock sounded from the door , startling me enough to make me choke . Eyebrows looked at the reverend who had stood up so he could see out the small window . " It 's Otto . I wondered if he might show up . It 'll be okay . " He gave us both a small , reassuring smile and then let the man in . I turned to look and my weariness left me . It was Window Man . Up close he still looked pale but not grey , which had been my initial impression of him . His skin was actually almost translucent and waxy in appearance . When I had run past him earlier I had caught a closer glimpse of his eyes which seemed to be shiny and less green than I had first thought them to be . Now I saw that they were actually green with gold flecks that made them glow even in the subdued light of the church office . He was not wearing his hat but had on a grey vest with a red feather partially sticking out of the watch pocket . He spoke through thin , dark lips . " I 'm here to give you a simple message young man , not from those people down the road as I figure you got their message loud and clear . This one is just from me . You need to leave before you do some real harm to this community , or something happens to you . Do you understand me ? " His voice was high - pitched and raspy . " I 'm not here to harm anyone . I just came here to check out a stupid old abandoned mine and got tangled up in all of this weirdness you have around here . I 'm just trying to figure out what 's going on . " " This place may seem strange to you , but it 's just outside of your life experience . Things here are just as normal for us as they have always been . " As he finished he looked over at the reverend , then waved at Eyebrows . " It figures you two would be the ones to come save this fella . You two outsiders … " His voice trailed off , but then it came back , in the middle of a sentence which had obviously started in his head . " … understand a damn thing about this place . " Eyebrows snorted before replying . " Don 't you be telling me who 's an outsider , Otto Clements . I 've been here plenty long enough to see very clearly what this place is , its beauty and its flaws . Plenty of both , don 't ya think ? " " You got nothing to say about who should or shouldn 't know things about this place . You 're just another damn religious place - holder doing your turn in the woods . Stay out of what you don 't understand . " " I 'm really trying to help you Otto , help you save your community as I think you just put it . I know that you are the only one I have ever seen around here , other than Mabel , " and here he gestured toward Eyebrows , " that has shown any kindness to strangers that have passed through Clyde Forks . That 's why I thought you might show up after what just happened out there . And I also know that you aren 't a violent man and don 't want to see any kind of mob action take place here in this community that you care about so much . So , let me help you get this young man on his way . " I spoke up before the reverend could reply . " You think all these missing people are just normal ? You think that hiding children is some kind of innocent weirdness that I don 't understand ? I 'm going to get some answers or . " I stopped before finishing , as " die trying " seemed like a very bad choice of words given the earlier events . " Well , I 'm going to figure it out . " I finished with that instead . She nodded and left the room as the reverend turned to Window Man . " Otto , I know you mean well and that 's why I thought you might follow us here . You know as well as I , honestly much better than I , that there are things about this place which would probably strike any rational person as strange . At least , anyone who did not come from here . A lot of those things have simple explanations that are much more innocent than they might appear . I think we can clear up this matter a little bit for this young man and then get him safely on his way . Can you help me with that ? " As Otto silently considered that , my brain was trying to figure out why his name sounded familiar . Eyebrows , or Mabel as I now knew her to be , returned and set a chair directly behind him . He was sitting down when it came to me . Posted on May 7 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply I eyed each person as I approached them , my stomach turning in nervous anticipation of unknown possibilities , looking for any sign of immediate danger . The first person I passed I had not seen before , a stocky , dark - haired man with a fat face and thick forearms that stuck out of the torn - off sleeves on a faded plaid shirt . He grunted with every breath , his nostrils flaring and sweat running down his forehead . Then came a couple I was also unfamiliar with , both of whom glowered at me from behind identical pairs of horn - rimmed glasses . Than Mr . Overalls and a short , thin woman with a ruddy face and poorly dyed , but very bright red hair . He stomped a foot down as I approached , causing me to jump , which seemed to amused Red Hair . Another man , greasy and grimy from top to bottom , emerged from the auto parts garage behind them and spat in my direction . A few more steps up the road stood what I figured to be my real threat . Shotgun and the man standing with him . It could not have been his father , as I had learned he was dead , but maybe an uncle or other close relative . They looked remarkably similar , and equally threatening . I have to admit that I almost lost my nerve at that point , almost turned and ran back toward Brown Suit , back down the gauntlet of people who seemed like friends compared to what I now expected to encounter . A brief wave of nausea passed over me and I clenched my mouth , purposely biting my tongue to give me something else to think about . The billowing colors up near Clyde Forks Road caught my eye again and now I could see that it was Eyebrows who was standing with the reverend . Would she really let something happen to me ? Would these people actually do something terrible to me with those two watching them ? Were the reverend and Eyebrows even on my side , or were they simply the final part of this community action ? I was not sure but thought it a bad sign that neither her nor the reverend seemed willing to walk down the road to be with me . I resumed walking , a quiver in my knees , taking four steps before Shotgun moved the weapon from its resting place in his arms and leveled it at the ground off to my right . It did not move from there as I approached him and the man who was with him did not move either . Both sets of their eyes locked with mine and the message was clear . Don 't come down this road again . As I passed them , Shotgun starting swinging the weapon , keeping it aimed at the road just a little bit behind me . I could feel my stomach clenching and I was soaked in sweat by the time I had moved twenty feet further . Finally the weapon stopped tracking my progress and a wave of relief swept over me . I paused , bending over to rest my hands on my knees . Before I could think about it , I promptly threw up in the road , my mind taking that moment to be worried about what kind of impression that was leaving on these people . Wiping my mouth , I glanced back and saw the man next to Shotgun start to move the weapon off of his hip . I took off running immediately and did not stop the rest of the way , passing about ten other people at whom I did not even look . As I approached the sinking brick house , the last one on the road , I noticed that Window Man was there , leaning on his mail box but seemingly noncommittal about being involved in delivering the community 's message to me . He settled for a short nod in my direction and then turned back toward his house . Ten feet later I staggered to a stop in front of the reverend and Eyebrows and sunk to the ground , breathing heavily . The two of them were silent as I recovered , my breathing finally settling down although a tremor remained in my body , some residual effect of the fear I had felt coming up Cemetery Road . Finally , about three minutes after I had collapsed , Eyebrows reached down and took my arm , a gust of wind swirling her multi - colored shawl around my face . With a little extra effort I managed to stand up and she kept hold of me , guiding me out of the intersection and east toward the church . I could hear the reverend a few paces behind us , his shoes crunching against the road gravel . I started to protest . " Just let me , well , ok , I guess . " It did seem like a good idea to get inside somewhere safe . " What the hell , sorry , heck , was that all about anyway ? " We were almost out of the intersection of the two roads , and I turned my head quickly to look at my tormentors one more time . The shawl was still swirling in the breeze and I had to reach up with my left hand and push it away . I felt better , just a little bit defiant , making up for my fear I suppose , and I thought about flipping the bird to the people who had made me feel that way . As I pulled the shawl down , ready to face them , I was surprised to see that Cemetery Road was empty . Posted on April 30 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply I stayed there for a few minutes , feeling confused but safe in the embrace of the building . No wonder people seek out churches for refuge or sanctuary , as they do seem to have a sense of security embedded within their walls . I was tempted to stay , to maybe curl up in a pew and take a nap , but my curiosity got me moving . When I finally stood up to leave I had no better idea of what I was planning to do next than I had when I first sat down , but I was determined to keep trying to solve this mystery . By the time I had walked back to my truck it was too late to get anything else done that day . The afternoon had slipped into early evening and the buzz of insects , finally able to emerge from their daytime hiding places , filled the air . I set up my sleeping bag in the bed of my truck and then sat on the tailgate , rubbing myself up with insect repellent . I had just kicked off one boot when I heard it . A shout , youthful and excited , the kind of yelp small children give when opening a present or being given a puppy . It rang out as clear as a church bell on a still afternoon , and seemed to echo a little in the surrounding trees . Then there was a loud , thick bang , like a heavy piece of lumber falling onto cement , and then silence . By that time I was running down the road , one boot sloppily tied up and hindering my speed . I had no doubt about the direction that shout had come from , right down Cemetery Road , right from the house at the end . By the time I reached the edge of Brown Suit 's driveway , all was quiet and still . I could not even hear the insects anymore , but that was likely due to my pounding heart , which had the sound of blood booming in my ears . After a few deep breaths I marched up to the door and started banging on it , yelling for someone to open it up . When that got no response I walked around toward the rabbit enclosure and ran right into Brown Suit who seemed to be waiting for me . He stood there , taking up more space than it seemed possible , blue eyes flashing with anger but also tinged with apprehension . He put out one arm toward me . " I heard it , you know I did , I , you . " I stopped and took a few deep breaths , trying to compose myself and recover the ability to speak complete sentences . Brown Suit 's arm remained outstretched . " I heard that child again , it came from here , I know it did . You know it did . " " What about all of those toys back there , " I shouted , pointing toward the area behind the Red Crow barn , " and the bike , what about that ? " I started to move , to try to go around him but something about his posture told me that he was not going to let me pass , no matter what sacrifice it cost him . He was old and I should not have had a problem just pushing my way past , but in that moment it just did not seem possible . By then I had also managed to realize that I was definitely acting foolishly , trespassing on private property , yelling accusations at an old man , and even thinking about forcing my way further onto his property . I settled for a final threat . " I know you have a child here , and I 've been to Calabogie . " I was not sure as I spoke what I exactly meant by the last part of my threat . I did not have any definitive information tying that missing boy to this mystery , but then I did not have anything excluding him either . I guess I was trying to get some kind of reaction out of the old man but he remained silent , his facial expression unchanged . They all stood there , right at the end of their respective driveways , silently looking at me . Most of their arms were crossed and none of them looked friendly . Shotgun had his favorite weapon cradled in the crook of his arm , and next to him stood an older man who had a similar weapon propped into the air against his right hip . I looked behind me and Brown Suit had not moved , although his arm was down and his eyes now seemed amused . His lips did not move but I heard him . I moved slowly down his driveway and then stopped at the end of it , eyeing the assembled residents of Cemetery Road warily . I felt like my next step , off of Brown Suit 's property , represented some kind of boundary that I was not sure I wanted to cross . It was strange to think of his property as somewhere safe , or at least safer than what I might encounter once I stepped off of it . The sounds of the insects were back even though my heart was now pounding just as hard as it had been before . The buzzing seemed louder than it should have been , insistent and ominous , and was effecting my ability to think straight . Shadows were creeping into the road , the tips of garages and trees making shapes against the gravel . I was frozen in place and the journey back to my truck seemed like a very long one . I saw some movement up toward Clyde Forks Road and after a few moments realized it was Reverend Currie and someone else whom I could not make out . He stood directly in the middle of the road , hands clasped behind his back , looking right at me . The person next to him seemed to change shape , some billowing of various colors caught up in a breeze I could not feel where I stood . I was not sure what his presence meant for me , but it did help to get me moving . I took a minute to re - tie my boot and then stepped off , my right foot seeming to be in slow motion , and moved off of Brown Suit 's property . Posted on April 23 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply " I , I , well … , " my voice trailed off as I fought for an answer . I felt a little overwhelmed in that moment , and also not completely sure how much of my suspicions to share with this man . I had spilled my story to my co - worker at the loading dock in Almonte , but that did not seem the same as this current situation . Here I had a community of people who had indeed lost a small child and seemed to be pretty well spooked by it . Some version less than the truth seemed to be appropriate . " It 's that Jenny Wilson girl , have you heard about her ? " Carl shook his head in response and I told him the story , along with the fact that she may have been seen in a car around Clyde Forks after she was reported missing . My explanation seemed to satisfy Carl , who was telling me he was sorry he could not be of more help to me , when Martha opened the office door and peeked out . " Don 't let him lie to you Carl . He asked me about a missing boy , not no missing girl . He 's up to something , something no good I 'll wager . " She banged the door shut and Carl , forehead wrinkled in thought , turned to me . Caught in my own rushed lie , I shrugged and quickly walked out of the store . By the time I was back in my truck and driving down the street back the way I had come in , there were three rather unfriendly looking men standing with Carl outside of the bait shop . Feeling more afraid than I wanted to admit , I sped off and drove straight back to my spot at the intersection of Clyde Forks and Cemetery Road . It was mid - afternoon by then and much warmer than it had been in Calabogie . The woods seemed to keep the heat trapped near the road and there was no breeze present to stir it up or move it along . It was much too hot to sit around in my truck so I wandered aimlessly down Clyde Forks Road , my mind churning through ideas but not paying much attention to where I was going . When I finally realized where I was , Reverend Currie was staring back at me from the front steps of the church . His arms were folded across his chest but he smiled when I looked over at him and then waved a hand , beckoning me forward . I guess our previous interaction over the bottle of whiskey had not dampened his general hospitality . I followed him into the church and sat down in a pew , the reverend one row in front of me and turned halfway , his left arm hanging over the back . I had been in the foyer before and the office , but never all the way into the small main congregation area . It was brighter than I had expected , an airy feeling accompanied by a quiet , peaceful vibe . There were not any stained glass windows but there were still some fanciful displays of reflected sunlight on the walls from the skylight over the altar . " Good to see you again , " he began , " and my apologies for the other day . Not my best moment . It 's a bit of a dark side that I have , a personal demon . " I nodded my forgiveness , although I was not sure if he meant the drinking or the memory of the voice in the mine . Or maybe it was both . " I get it and I 'll leave it alone . Maybe I pushed too hard . I seem to be getting a little bit obsessed with this whole thing . I could tell whatever it was that happened in that mine , well , it spooked you pretty good . " He nodded back slowly , rubbing some light stubble on his face . " Yeah , it did . " There was a short pause , his eyes reflective and faraway , but then he was back in the moment . " So , what have you been doing since then ? I haven 't seen you around in a while and I figured we had all scared you off . " He gave a rueful smile as he finished . He did not reply for a few moments , staring back intently but silently at me . He whispered , " I tell you what I can , but you need to be careful , " before falling silent again . It was not a very satisfying statement but he did not seem inclined to elaborate . Finally he slapped his hand lightly on the back of the pew and asked me for a few more details on Jenny Wilson . I told him everything I had been able to find out and when I was done he shook his head . I waited . " Are you sure ? " I could hear the disappointment in my own voice . I had begun to think of my research into her story as a real piece of detective work , one that would help clear up at least some part of the mystery . The reverend was sure . " No way that voice belonged to anyone older than seven years old . " He sighed and continued . " It would have been nice though , if it had been , I would have known some more of the story anyway . And you found a missing girl that , well , it could have been her for sure , except for the age . Flower Station Road isn 't too far from here … , " his voice trailed off . " Evil exists , everywhere . " The reverend 's eyes were very intense as he spoke , his voice climbing a little in volume . " It takes different forms , acts in different ways , reveals itself at odd times and through strange vehicles . And people perceive all of those manifestations differently , through their own kaleidoscope is how I always put it . So , I 'm sure something evil exists around here . What do you see ? " His question took me aback for a few seconds as I had not expected to be asked to evaluate the idea of evil myself , or how it might apply to Clyde Forks . I thought he would be the expert in that area . I stayed silent and he repeated his question , this time holding his hands in front of his face , twisting an invisible kaleidoscope . Then he leaned over , squeezed my shoulder and spoke . " Beware of that image of evil , it shifts and changes , broken apart into small little glimmers of mismatched information . You need to see what it is before the picture comes into focus . " With that , he walked out the back door . Posted on April 17 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply At the end of that day , I slept one last time at the motel in Almonte and woke the next morning determined to chase down this new lead . I was not certain that I believed my tall co - worker 's assertion that people in the immediate area would not know about something that happened a mere thirty miles away . Perhaps I was just getting conspiracy - minded as I tried to solve this mystery about Clyde Forks . In any event I made the library my first stop , pulling into the small parking lot about ten minutes before it opened . When it did , the same thin , pale librarian with the green eyes who I had dealt with last time unlocked the doors . I asked him a few questions and soon realized that it was true after all ; people in this region of Canada basically kept to themselves and let the rest of the world worry about itself . His most poignant comment was , " If you want to find out something from Calabogie , well then , you better get on up there and figure it out . " When I commented back that he had been so helpful before , he merely replied that this had been because the info he gave me was about Clyde Forks . That was in Lanark County , and Calabogie most certainly was not . At least that gave me a better idea of what " local " meant to people in this area . He did give me directions and I spent a little over an hour on a scenic drive in a generally northern direction , stopping when I passed White Lake to admire the beauty of the area . Arriving around noon in Calabogie , I was impressed by even more beautiful scenery . The road I drove in on paralleled the Madawaska River which then spills into Calabogie Lake . The area , despite some surrounding shops and houses , seemed untouched by most of the other usual intrusions of larger city life . It was quiet and peaceful , filled with trees and summer flowers , slightly warm but with a erratic breeze blowing around the edges of the lake . I took a few minutes to admire it all as I thought about how to proceed . The clerk gave me a rather piercing look as she replied . " What do you want to know about that for , eh ? " She shook her light brown , curly hair , raised her drawn - in eyebrows and placed a hand on her right hip . It was not a friendly pose . I raised my hands up slightly , trying to lighten the tension . " Sorry , I surrender . I 'm not trying to stir anything up . I just was wondering what happened , that 's all . " " Why would you be wondering about it , then ? I figure the ones that should be wondering are the parents and police . Not strangers . " Her look this time was tinted with suspicion . " Unless you got something to gain by it , or know something about it yourself ? " The fact that I knew another town in the area seemed to lessen her hostility a little , although she did keep stepping backward , keeping the distance between us at about thirty feet even as I approached the counter . Eventually she was backed up against the wall , right next to a battered wooden door that seemed to open into an office . She called to someone through that door . " He 's asking about that McNeville boy that went missing last year . And he 's up to some kind of detective work over in Clyde Forks . " Having made that announcement she stepped quickly into the office and slammed the door shut . Carl grimaced and shrugged . " Don 't be too put off my Martha . She sees quite a bit of danger around here these days , since that boy went missing , I suppose . It took us all a little of guard , ya know what I mean , eh ? " Carl proceeded to tell me about a blonde , five year old boy who had disappeared while fishing with his family at a small lake just a little west of Calabogie . From what he told me it seemed as though the boy had disappeared into thin air , there one minute and gone just a few minutes later when his father went to look for him . Not a trace had been left anywhere in the area , including at the spot he was seen to be standing right before he disappeared . A massive police search had been undertaken but nothing had ever come of it . According to Carl , people in the area were of two distinct and separate mindsets . Carl shook his head . " I 'm no detective , and surely no one ever asked me my opinion . At least , no police or anyone like that . But I 've told plenty of folks what I think . If someone took him , it was someone from around here . " He sighed when he finished and ran his hand through his hair again . Then he looked at me . Posted on April 9 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply It was still early in the day but I decided to retreat to the motel for the remainder of it , both to ponder all of the mystery I seemed to be caught up in and also to figure out what I was going to do next . My financial situation was still precarious and would be getting critical fairly soon . After checking in , once again to what was becoming my usual room , I placed the small metal car on top of the banged up dresser and sat down to think . Where was I at ? I knew I had plenty of speculation running through my mind , but what real facts were there at this point ? I wrote this in my journal that day : Looking at that list I felt one thing very strongly - you do not know much , do you ? Basically , I seemed to have uncovered that Clyde Forks was a strange place , one that few people wanted to move to and where few children were born . It was populated by people who fit my idea of odd , but who may very well have been perfectly normal . Some of those people held strange ideas , all unsupported by actual corroborating evidence , and they did not seem very receptive to outsiders . That was hardly a basis for all of my fascination with this place . But then , I had definitely heard that child , a youngster that no one seemed to want to talk about , and who remained hidden from me . It was all a tantalizingly elusive mystery , one I decided I could not resist . With that decision though , came the need to make some more money , so I slept in the remainder of that day and night , and headed out to Almonte in the morning . It was not a large place but it was definitely a more centralized town , one where a person could expect to find some work . The location was picturesque as it sat right on the Mississippi River ( not the same as the one that cuts through the United States ) and the winding bends of the river gave the area a lazy and comfortable feeling . I went around to the various small stores and other businesses and soon had picked up a job helping to unload shipping containers . I spent a week that way , working fourteen hour days and collapsing into a bed at a shabby motel outside of the town at night . Almost everyone that I worked with had some version of my " on the road , in need of money " story and they all seemed to be from places far away from Almonte . It was on my last day of work , a cool Tuesday filled with drizzle and an occasional strong wind , that I finally ended up working with someone who had grown up in the area . It had really not been my intention to get into the whole reason I was working , or what I was doing in Clyde Forks , but the man I was teamed up with was a real talker and drew it out of me . He was tall , maybe six foot seven , and had the look of someone who did a lot of hard labor . He had a face etched by wind and sun , big forearms covered in tattoos of various women 's names and a casual but determined manner , like unloading the Titanic by himself would not be a big deal but he was going to take his time doing it . I resisted his repeated inquires into my situation for a few hours but then told him the whole story , partly because I wanted to but also so he would stop talking about his various , and colorful , past experiences . They were fascinating but inevitably vulgar and over - dramatized . This time he shrugged . " Thirty miles is a long way in these parts . It wouldn 't have made the news over here . Maybe check up in Calabogie . " With that he moved on , starting up another story , this time about " that god - damned gypsy traitor Fallon . " Copyright Notice © Jack Mesenbourg and A Raconteur 's Refuge , 2011 - 2017 . Unauthorized use and / or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog 's author and / or owner is strictly prohibited . Excerpts and links may be used , provided that full and clear credit is given to Jack Mesenbourg and A Raconteur 's Refuge with appropriate and specific direction to the original content . Top Posts & Pages A Faraway Song ( Part 30 ) Copyright Notice © Jack Mesenbourg and A Raconteur 's Refuge , 2011 - 2017 . Unauthorized use and / or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog 's author and / or owner is strictly prohibited . Excerpts and links may be used , provided that full and clear credit is given to Jack Mesenbourg and A Raconteur 's Refuge with appropriate and specific direction to the original content . |
Posted on June 25 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply That is where I left it all of those years ago , taking with me a head full of questions , a real feeling of having left things unresolved and that little toy car as a memento of my adventure . I had left reluctantly but also had sensed the danger I was in , a strange feeling that I would have thought impossible to experience in the civilized world . On my long drive back to my regular life I had vowed to go back at some point and keep seeking answers , much more brave as the distance between myself and Clyde Forks increased . I never did of course , life taking over and the pressing need to solve the mystery fading softly away . I would go back to it occasionally , usually triggered by some other event in my life , but it always seemed very distant and remote , all the burning questions consumed by time . I would dream about Clyde Forks sometimes , or some member of the cast of characters I had met , or stay up an extra few minutes wondering about my experience up there . Most of the time I found it hard to believe I had been so wrapped up in it , or so convinced of a great conspiracy . It was a just an innocent small town , weird for sure , but innocent . Listening to that podcast brought everything back in a wave of memory and those old events suddenly seemed much clearer than before . That led me to digging through a pile of old boxes until I found the journal I had kept on that trip . Sitting down and reading it left me with those questions I posed at the beginning of this story . How could I have just left and stopped looking into what happened up there ? And , what did it all have to do with this missing boy ? Posted on June 18 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply I heard a faint sound to my left and realized that Mabel was speaking , much too lowly for me to hear . I knelt down by the side of her chair , trying to catch what she was saying . She had a sad but defiant look on her face and was staring not at me , but at the reverend . I think she realized I had not heard her as she cleared her throat and resumed speaking a little more loudly , more like a loud whisper now . " So , you are going to be part of this cover - up too ? " I asked her . " Why did you bother to help me then , to give me the clue about the red crow ? That 's a big part of what got me tangled up in this in the first place . Why ? " " Listen , it 's really time for you to go . Like Mabel said earlier , we got you a few answers , not many and not all of them that you wanted I know , but a few . That 's all you 're likely to get . You have to leave . " I stood there , feeling unfulfilled , and staring out through the window into the church parking lot . This little bit of information only seemed to make the remaining questions seem even more important , more urgent . I really believed that a child was being hidden in this community but at the same time I had no definitive reason to believe that anything illegal had taken place . Who was this child , and to whom did it belong ? What was the exact nature of this supposed evil presence in the area ? Was it real or the fantasy of a heartbroken old man ? Or was it something else ? There did not seem to be anyone willing to help me figure these things out . And then there were a bunch of other questions , much smaller and less important , but they still made me feel crazy to think of them going unanswered . Maybe this place really did just have a much different way of living , of acting and of protecting its children . Perhaps the evil did not exist at all , or was just an exaggerated myth . It could be that I had managed to stumble into the quirkiest place in the world . It just all seemed so strange and weird . " Reverend , what else do you know about this place . You claim to know nothing but then you seem to have some information . You tell me that you just got here , even Otto called you a , I think it was a placeholder , but then you knew to come and rescue me today . You make vague allusions to other things you might know . " I made sure he was looking at me before I finished . " What are you really doing here ? " He smiled at me . " I 'm an outsider here , just like Otto said . I might know a few things , information passed down from the religious men who were here before me , but mostly I 'm just observant . That and curious . " He winked at me and gave a very small laugh . " I belong here , or at least I am part of the fabric and culture of this place . They expect one temporary religious man to always be present . You 're not part of it , and there is nothing that can change that . I 'm sure you 're not satisfied but it really is time to go . If it makes you feel better , remember this though as you leave . This talk today , it helped me too , gave me a little closure on my own experience at the mine . I guess her spirit must still be there . I think that is going to help me a lot . So thank you for that . Now , go and forget about this place , and please don 't talk about it . Give this place it 's peace . I 'll watch the kaleidoscope up here for you . " He made the twisting motion with his hands and opened the door . " You 'll be safe getting to your truck . Otto might be mad at you but he 'll be watching and won 't let any harm come to you . " " Son , your little temporary adventure is over . It 's time to go . " His voice conveyed a feeling of finality and also of warning . I shook my head but stepped out the door . It had just about closed behind me when I pushed it back with my hand . I peered inside and spoke to Mabel . " So , when I was talking to him he said that six people had gone missing , or maybe it was seven . " I stopped and tried going back in my memory , sticking up my fingers as I recounted the individuals in my head . Then I continued . " Ok , well , I think he said six , but then it was seven , and well , either way , there was always one that he didn 't want to talk about . " " Well , I don 't know exactly what he told you about but it was probably mostly about them people he was related to . Some miner was the first , his brother , just vanished one day right as they were closing up the camp around the mine . Then another couple of miners , or laborers maybe , one of them was his uncle . And crazy Hattie of course , that was his sister . " " Bat - shit crazy woman who used to wander around this area , muttering to herself , stripping off clothes and setting them on fire , walking around naked after that . Your friend from the house was forever bringing her clothes but she 'd just end up burning them again a few days later or tearing them to shreds . I never did figure out how she ever survived a winter , but she did , quite a few actually . But then one day he found her campsite abandoned , no trace of her around , then or ever . " Mabel reached over and touched my arm , giving Otto a cautionary look as she did so . " More people than that have turned up missing , and I 'm sure they included those other ones you mentioned . I think Otto was just telling you that there were three relatives that disappeared and that is what started the whole evil presence thing . " " What about the one that he refused to talk about ? I tried a couple of times but he never told me . Do you know about that person ? " " Please , let 's just get this done with , okay ? I don 't think that a little more information here is going to hurt . Please . " " It was a girl , one that was living with him . A relative had dropped the child off one day and then never came back . She was … ' " he went silent without finishing , a faraway look in his eyes . " She was ours , all of ours . He couldn 't take care of her right , well not right exactly , just completely , like she should have been taken care of . He was too old . So we all helped look after her . She was ours , a child for this place . Ours . " I did not think he was finished , and he did continue several moments later . " Then , one day , she was gone . Not a sign of her anywhere except this doll she played with , a golden - haired doll with a pink dress . " Otto clenched his eyes closed , tightly , and shook his head . I glanced over at Mabel , who was not hiding her tears . The reverend was wide - eyed and staring intently at Otto and I . " That doll , they found it on the path to the mine . And that 's all I know and all you need to know . Now leave ! " Which is what Otto did , slamming the office door behind him . The reverend leaned back and let out a very large sigh . " Well , I can 't say I expected any of that . What a story . Is it true ? " He asked this while looking at Mabel , who had still not bothered to clean up her face . " Not really . I 'm sorry , but it isn 't . The thing I really want to know is who lives in that house with , well , the guy I call Brown Suit ? " " I 'm not sure anyone does son . Maybe it 's just your imagination , maybe you are a little too wrapped up in this whole thing that you see as such a mystery . Don 't you think that you might just be making that part up ? " " No , I don 't . I felt like someone else was there when I was in the house , and I heard it later with my own ears . I heard a child , right here , right on that street back there , " I replied while pointing back in the direction of Cemetery Road . " What is the big secret here ? " " Yes . But that 's got nothing to do with any of the matter you are so worked up about . She was just a missing girl and I saw her in a car . " Mabel cut me off . " Listen , it 's not relevant as Otto already said . We 'll get you a few answers , but it will likely be a very few and you shouldn 't waste them on that Wilson girl . Otto here is a good man but protective of this place . " She had a kind look on her face but the tone in her voice was less friendly , much more matter - of - fact . I took her suggestion to heart and spent a minute trying to compose my thoughts . He looked over at the reverend , then at me and then at the floor before answering . " I 'll answer , maybe . You need to leave here , that 's what I think , just leave now and don 't bother us again . These two seem to think otherwise , like we owe you something . If it 'll get rid of you , I 'll answer … maybe . Why do you think we should help him anyway , reverend ? " The reverend leaned forward . " Because I 'm sure we don 't want to have anything unfortunate happen here and I think if you give him a few simple answers , well that will be enough to satisfy his curiosity . Then he can go in peace and we all go back to our regular lives . " " Who lives with Brown Suit ? " All I received was a blank look . I was about to get angry when I realized that my nicknames for these people were known only to me . " Ok , listen , nobody around here will tell me their name , or at least most people won 't . I don 't know why , but it seems to be a thing . I just figured her name out when the reverend said it . " Mabel looked back at me but did not offer to add anything . " So , I have nicknames for people . That guy at the end of the road , the house with the big tree down in the yard ? " Otto nodded in reply , so I figured that meant he understood who I was talking about . He , of course , did not offer me a name to use , so I went back to nicknames . " I call him Brown Suit . So , who lives with him ? " " This is not going to work . I 'm going back to my truck . " I stood up but the reverend waved me back down . " Take it easy . Remember that this information you want , well it really isn 't any of your business although you seem to have made it that way . I 'm trying to get you a few answers but you need to be patient . Maybe start with something else ? " " I mean , Brown Suit told me that a bunch of people have disappeared from this area . He believes that the mine is haunted by some evil thing , a presence that , well , I guess he believes it lives in this area . He thinks it travels around and he follows it , trying to feed this thing his rabbits . " I was met with silence which I thought meant they did not understand what I was saying so I added , " you know , so that the evil thing eats the rabbits instead of people . He thinks it feeds on life energy or something like that and that he can substitute rabbits for people because all life has this energy . " More silence followed that , which is when I realized that it was because I was not telling them anything they did not already know . It was just the silence of people listening to a well - known story . Otto looked over at me , waited a few moments and then spoke . " A few people went missing , sure they did . People go missing from all over . That 's not what 's making him believe in evil things . He believes in that because of who goes missing . " Several minutes later I was sitting in the church office once again , this time with Eyebrows in a chair across from me , fanning herself with a copy of a religious magazine . I felt very tired and was fighting to keep my attention on the moment as a long nap sounded like a much better option . The reverend stayed near the door , staring out the window for five minutes before joining us . He sat down heavily in his chair and rubbed his hand across his forehead . Eyebrows got up immediately , casting a hard look his way and muttering , " we all need something to drink , don 't you think ? " under her breath . She returned with a tray full of glasses and a pitcher of ice water , pouring one for each of us . I had just started to drink when a sharp knock sounded from the door , startling me enough to make me choke . Eyebrows looked at the reverend who had stood up so he could see out the small window . " It 's Otto . I wondered if he might show up . It 'll be okay . " He gave us both a small , reassuring smile and then let the man in . I turned to look and my weariness left me . It was Window Man . Up close he still looked pale but not grey , which had been my initial impression of him . His skin was actually almost translucent and waxy in appearance . When I had run past him earlier I had caught a closer glimpse of his eyes which seemed to be shiny and less green than I had first thought them to be . Now I saw that they were actually green with gold flecks that made them glow even in the subdued light of the church office . He was not wearing his hat but had on a grey vest with a red feather partially sticking out of the watch pocket . He spoke through thin , dark lips . " I 'm here to give you a simple message young man , not from those people down the road as I figure you got their message loud and clear . This one is just from me . You need to leave before you do some real harm to this community , or something happens to you . Do you understand me ? " His voice was high - pitched and raspy . " I 'm not here to harm anyone . I just came here to check out a stupid old abandoned mine and got tangled up in all of this weirdness you have around here . I 'm just trying to figure out what 's going on . " " This place may seem strange to you , but it 's just outside of your life experience . Things here are just as normal for us as they have always been . " As he finished he looked over at the reverend , then waved at Eyebrows . " It figures you two would be the ones to come save this fella . You two outsiders … " His voice trailed off , but then it came back , in the middle of a sentence which had obviously started in his head . " … understand a damn thing about this place . " Eyebrows snorted before replying . " Don 't you be telling me who 's an outsider , Otto Clements . I 've been here plenty long enough to see very clearly what this place is , its beauty and its flaws . Plenty of both , don 't ya think ? " " You got nothing to say about who should or shouldn 't know things about this place . You 're just another damn religious place - holder doing your turn in the woods . Stay out of what you don 't understand . " " I 'm really trying to help you Otto , help you save your community as I think you just put it . I know that you are the only one I have ever seen around here , other than Mabel , " and here he gestured toward Eyebrows , " that has shown any kindness to strangers that have passed through Clyde Forks . That 's why I thought you might show up after what just happened out there . And I also know that you aren 't a violent man and don 't want to see any kind of mob action take place here in this community that you care about so much . So , let me help you get this young man on his way . " I spoke up before the reverend could reply . " You think all these missing people are just normal ? You think that hiding children is some kind of innocent weirdness that I don 't understand ? I 'm going to get some answers or . " I stopped before finishing , as " die trying " seemed like a very bad choice of words given the earlier events . " Well , I 'm going to figure it out . " I finished with that instead . She nodded and left the room as the reverend turned to Window Man . " Otto , I know you mean well and that 's why I thought you might follow us here . You know as well as I , honestly much better than I , that there are things about this place which would probably strike any rational person as strange . At least , anyone who did not come from here . A lot of those things have simple explanations that are much more innocent than they might appear . I think we can clear up this matter a little bit for this young man and then get him safely on his way . Can you help me with that ? " As Otto silently considered that , my brain was trying to figure out why his name sounded familiar . Eyebrows , or Mabel as I now knew her to be , returned and set a chair directly behind him . He was sitting down when it came to me . Posted on May 7 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply I eyed each person as I approached them , my stomach turning in nervous anticipation of unknown possibilities , looking for any sign of immediate danger . The first person I passed I had not seen before , a stocky , dark - haired man with a fat face and thick forearms that stuck out of the torn - off sleeves on a faded plaid shirt . He grunted with every breath , his nostrils flaring and sweat running down his forehead . Then came a couple I was also unfamiliar with , both of whom glowered at me from behind identical pairs of horn - rimmed glasses . Than Mr . Overalls and a short , thin woman with a ruddy face and poorly dyed , but very bright red hair . He stomped a foot down as I approached , causing me to jump , which seemed to amused Red Hair . Another man , greasy and grimy from top to bottom , emerged from the auto parts garage behind them and spat in my direction . A few more steps up the road stood what I figured to be my real threat . Shotgun and the man standing with him . It could not have been his father , as I had learned he was dead , but maybe an uncle or other close relative . They looked remarkably similar , and equally threatening . I have to admit that I almost lost my nerve at that point , almost turned and ran back toward Brown Suit , back down the gauntlet of people who seemed like friends compared to what I now expected to encounter . A brief wave of nausea passed over me and I clenched my mouth , purposely biting my tongue to give me something else to think about . The billowing colors up near Clyde Forks Road caught my eye again and now I could see that it was Eyebrows who was standing with the reverend . Would she really let something happen to me ? Would these people actually do something terrible to me with those two watching them ? Were the reverend and Eyebrows even on my side , or were they simply the final part of this community action ? I was not sure but thought it a bad sign that neither her nor the reverend seemed willing to walk down the road to be with me . I resumed walking , a quiver in my knees , taking four steps before Shotgun moved the weapon from its resting place in his arms and leveled it at the ground off to my right . It did not move from there as I approached him and the man who was with him did not move either . Both sets of their eyes locked with mine and the message was clear . Don 't come down this road again . As I passed them , Shotgun starting swinging the weapon , keeping it aimed at the road just a little bit behind me . I could feel my stomach clenching and I was soaked in sweat by the time I had moved twenty feet further . Finally the weapon stopped tracking my progress and a wave of relief swept over me . I paused , bending over to rest my hands on my knees . Before I could think about it , I promptly threw up in the road , my mind taking that moment to be worried about what kind of impression that was leaving on these people . Wiping my mouth , I glanced back and saw the man next to Shotgun start to move the weapon off of his hip . I took off running immediately and did not stop the rest of the way , passing about ten other people at whom I did not even look . As I approached the sinking brick house , the last one on the road , I noticed that Window Man was there , leaning on his mail box but seemingly noncommittal about being involved in delivering the community 's message to me . He settled for a short nod in my direction and then turned back toward his house . Ten feet later I staggered to a stop in front of the reverend and Eyebrows and sunk to the ground , breathing heavily . The two of them were silent as I recovered , my breathing finally settling down although a tremor remained in my body , some residual effect of the fear I had felt coming up Cemetery Road . Finally , about three minutes after I had collapsed , Eyebrows reached down and took my arm , a gust of wind swirling her multi - colored shawl around my face . With a little extra effort I managed to stand up and she kept hold of me , guiding me out of the intersection and east toward the church . I could hear the reverend a few paces behind us , his shoes crunching against the road gravel . I started to protest . " Just let me , well , ok , I guess . " It did seem like a good idea to get inside somewhere safe . " What the hell , sorry , heck , was that all about anyway ? " We were almost out of the intersection of the two roads , and I turned my head quickly to look at my tormentors one more time . The shawl was still swirling in the breeze and I had to reach up with my left hand and push it away . I felt better , just a little bit defiant , making up for my fear I suppose , and I thought about flipping the bird to the people who had made me feel that way . As I pulled the shawl down , ready to face them , I was surprised to see that Cemetery Road was empty . Posted on April 30 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply I stayed there for a few minutes , feeling confused but safe in the embrace of the building . No wonder people seek out churches for refuge or sanctuary , as they do seem to have a sense of security embedded within their walls . I was tempted to stay , to maybe curl up in a pew and take a nap , but my curiosity got me moving . When I finally stood up to leave I had no better idea of what I was planning to do next than I had when I first sat down , but I was determined to keep trying to solve this mystery . By the time I had walked back to my truck it was too late to get anything else done that day . The afternoon had slipped into early evening and the buzz of insects , finally able to emerge from their daytime hiding places , filled the air . I set up my sleeping bag in the bed of my truck and then sat on the tailgate , rubbing myself up with insect repellent . I had just kicked off one boot when I heard it . A shout , youthful and excited , the kind of yelp small children give when opening a present or being given a puppy . It rang out as clear as a church bell on a still afternoon , and seemed to echo a little in the surrounding trees . Then there was a loud , thick bang , like a heavy piece of lumber falling onto cement , and then silence . By that time I was running down the road , one boot sloppily tied up and hindering my speed . I had no doubt about the direction that shout had come from , right down Cemetery Road , right from the house at the end . By the time I reached the edge of Brown Suit 's driveway , all was quiet and still . I could not even hear the insects anymore , but that was likely due to my pounding heart , which had the sound of blood booming in my ears . After a few deep breaths I marched up to the door and started banging on it , yelling for someone to open it up . When that got no response I walked around toward the rabbit enclosure and ran right into Brown Suit who seemed to be waiting for me . He stood there , taking up more space than it seemed possible , blue eyes flashing with anger but also tinged with apprehension . He put out one arm toward me . " I heard it , you know I did , I , you . " I stopped and took a few deep breaths , trying to compose myself and recover the ability to speak complete sentences . Brown Suit 's arm remained outstretched . " I heard that child again , it came from here , I know it did . You know it did . " " What about all of those toys back there , " I shouted , pointing toward the area behind the Red Crow barn , " and the bike , what about that ? " I started to move , to try to go around him but something about his posture told me that he was not going to let me pass , no matter what sacrifice it cost him . He was old and I should not have had a problem just pushing my way past , but in that moment it just did not seem possible . By then I had also managed to realize that I was definitely acting foolishly , trespassing on private property , yelling accusations at an old man , and even thinking about forcing my way further onto his property . I settled for a final threat . " I know you have a child here , and I 've been to Calabogie . " I was not sure as I spoke what I exactly meant by the last part of my threat . I did not have any definitive information tying that missing boy to this mystery , but then I did not have anything excluding him either . I guess I was trying to get some kind of reaction out of the old man but he remained silent , his facial expression unchanged . They all stood there , right at the end of their respective driveways , silently looking at me . Most of their arms were crossed and none of them looked friendly . Shotgun had his favorite weapon cradled in the crook of his arm , and next to him stood an older man who had a similar weapon propped into the air against his right hip . I looked behind me and Brown Suit had not moved , although his arm was down and his eyes now seemed amused . His lips did not move but I heard him . I moved slowly down his driveway and then stopped at the end of it , eyeing the assembled residents of Cemetery Road warily . I felt like my next step , off of Brown Suit 's property , represented some kind of boundary that I was not sure I wanted to cross . It was strange to think of his property as somewhere safe , or at least safer than what I might encounter once I stepped off of it . The sounds of the insects were back even though my heart was now pounding just as hard as it had been before . The buzzing seemed louder than it should have been , insistent and ominous , and was effecting my ability to think straight . Shadows were creeping into the road , the tips of garages and trees making shapes against the gravel . I was frozen in place and the journey back to my truck seemed like a very long one . I saw some movement up toward Clyde Forks Road and after a few moments realized it was Reverend Currie and someone else whom I could not make out . He stood directly in the middle of the road , hands clasped behind his back , looking right at me . The person next to him seemed to change shape , some billowing of various colors caught up in a breeze I could not feel where I stood . I was not sure what his presence meant for me , but it did help to get me moving . I took a minute to re - tie my boot and then stepped off , my right foot seeming to be in slow motion , and moved off of Brown Suit 's property . Posted on April 23 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply " I , I , well … , " my voice trailed off as I fought for an answer . I felt a little overwhelmed in that moment , and also not completely sure how much of my suspicions to share with this man . I had spilled my story to my co - worker at the loading dock in Almonte , but that did not seem the same as this current situation . Here I had a community of people who had indeed lost a small child and seemed to be pretty well spooked by it . Some version less than the truth seemed to be appropriate . " It 's that Jenny Wilson girl , have you heard about her ? " Carl shook his head in response and I told him the story , along with the fact that she may have been seen in a car around Clyde Forks after she was reported missing . My explanation seemed to satisfy Carl , who was telling me he was sorry he could not be of more help to me , when Martha opened the office door and peeked out . " Don 't let him lie to you Carl . He asked me about a missing boy , not no missing girl . He 's up to something , something no good I 'll wager . " She banged the door shut and Carl , forehead wrinkled in thought , turned to me . Caught in my own rushed lie , I shrugged and quickly walked out of the store . By the time I was back in my truck and driving down the street back the way I had come in , there were three rather unfriendly looking men standing with Carl outside of the bait shop . Feeling more afraid than I wanted to admit , I sped off and drove straight back to my spot at the intersection of Clyde Forks and Cemetery Road . It was mid - afternoon by then and much warmer than it had been in Calabogie . The woods seemed to keep the heat trapped near the road and there was no breeze present to stir it up or move it along . It was much too hot to sit around in my truck so I wandered aimlessly down Clyde Forks Road , my mind churning through ideas but not paying much attention to where I was going . When I finally realized where I was , Reverend Currie was staring back at me from the front steps of the church . His arms were folded across his chest but he smiled when I looked over at him and then waved a hand , beckoning me forward . I guess our previous interaction over the bottle of whiskey had not dampened his general hospitality . I followed him into the church and sat down in a pew , the reverend one row in front of me and turned halfway , his left arm hanging over the back . I had been in the foyer before and the office , but never all the way into the small main congregation area . It was brighter than I had expected , an airy feeling accompanied by a quiet , peaceful vibe . There were not any stained glass windows but there were still some fanciful displays of reflected sunlight on the walls from the skylight over the altar . " Good to see you again , " he began , " and my apologies for the other day . Not my best moment . It 's a bit of a dark side that I have , a personal demon . " I nodded my forgiveness , although I was not sure if he meant the drinking or the memory of the voice in the mine . Or maybe it was both . " I get it and I 'll leave it alone . Maybe I pushed too hard . I seem to be getting a little bit obsessed with this whole thing . I could tell whatever it was that happened in that mine , well , it spooked you pretty good . " He nodded back slowly , rubbing some light stubble on his face . " Yeah , it did . " There was a short pause , his eyes reflective and faraway , but then he was back in the moment . " So , what have you been doing since then ? I haven 't seen you around in a while and I figured we had all scared you off . " He gave a rueful smile as he finished . He did not reply for a few moments , staring back intently but silently at me . He whispered , " I tell you what I can , but you need to be careful , " before falling silent again . It was not a very satisfying statement but he did not seem inclined to elaborate . Finally he slapped his hand lightly on the back of the pew and asked me for a few more details on Jenny Wilson . I told him everything I had been able to find out and when I was done he shook his head . I waited . " Are you sure ? " I could hear the disappointment in my own voice . I had begun to think of my research into her story as a real piece of detective work , one that would help clear up at least some part of the mystery . The reverend was sure . " No way that voice belonged to anyone older than seven years old . " He sighed and continued . " It would have been nice though , if it had been , I would have known some more of the story anyway . And you found a missing girl that , well , it could have been her for sure , except for the age . Flower Station Road isn 't too far from here … , " his voice trailed off . " Evil exists , everywhere . " The reverend 's eyes were very intense as he spoke , his voice climbing a little in volume . " It takes different forms , acts in different ways , reveals itself at odd times and through strange vehicles . And people perceive all of those manifestations differently , through their own kaleidoscope is how I always put it . So , I 'm sure something evil exists around here . What do you see ? " His question took me aback for a few seconds as I had not expected to be asked to evaluate the idea of evil myself , or how it might apply to Clyde Forks . I thought he would be the expert in that area . I stayed silent and he repeated his question , this time holding his hands in front of his face , twisting an invisible kaleidoscope . Then he leaned over , squeezed my shoulder and spoke . " Beware of that image of evil , it shifts and changes , broken apart into small little glimmers of mismatched information . You need to see what it is before the picture comes into focus . " With that , he walked out the back door . Posted on April 17 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply At the end of that day , I slept one last time at the motel in Almonte and woke the next morning determined to chase down this new lead . I was not certain that I believed my tall co - worker 's assertion that people in the immediate area would not know about something that happened a mere thirty miles away . Perhaps I was just getting conspiracy - minded as I tried to solve this mystery about Clyde Forks . In any event I made the library my first stop , pulling into the small parking lot about ten minutes before it opened . When it did , the same thin , pale librarian with the green eyes who I had dealt with last time unlocked the doors . I asked him a few questions and soon realized that it was true after all ; people in this region of Canada basically kept to themselves and let the rest of the world worry about itself . His most poignant comment was , " If you want to find out something from Calabogie , well then , you better get on up there and figure it out . " When I commented back that he had been so helpful before , he merely replied that this had been because the info he gave me was about Clyde Forks . That was in Lanark County , and Calabogie most certainly was not . At least that gave me a better idea of what " local " meant to people in this area . He did give me directions and I spent a little over an hour on a scenic drive in a generally northern direction , stopping when I passed White Lake to admire the beauty of the area . Arriving around noon in Calabogie , I was impressed by even more beautiful scenery . The road I drove in on paralleled the Madawaska River which then spills into Calabogie Lake . The area , despite some surrounding shops and houses , seemed untouched by most of the other usual intrusions of larger city life . It was quiet and peaceful , filled with trees and summer flowers , slightly warm but with a erratic breeze blowing around the edges of the lake . I took a few minutes to admire it all as I thought about how to proceed . The clerk gave me a rather piercing look as she replied . " What do you want to know about that for , eh ? " She shook her light brown , curly hair , raised her drawn - in eyebrows and placed a hand on her right hip . It was not a friendly pose . I raised my hands up slightly , trying to lighten the tension . " Sorry , I surrender . I 'm not trying to stir anything up . I just was wondering what happened , that 's all . " " Why would you be wondering about it , then ? I figure the ones that should be wondering are the parents and police . Not strangers . " Her look this time was tinted with suspicion . " Unless you got something to gain by it , or know something about it yourself ? " The fact that I knew another town in the area seemed to lessen her hostility a little , although she did keep stepping backward , keeping the distance between us at about thirty feet even as I approached the counter . Eventually she was backed up against the wall , right next to a battered wooden door that seemed to open into an office . She called to someone through that door . " He 's asking about that McNeville boy that went missing last year . And he 's up to some kind of detective work over in Clyde Forks . " Having made that announcement she stepped quickly into the office and slammed the door shut . Carl grimaced and shrugged . " Don 't be too put off my Martha . She sees quite a bit of danger around here these days , since that boy went missing , I suppose . It took us all a little of guard , ya know what I mean , eh ? " Carl proceeded to tell me about a blonde , five year old boy who had disappeared while fishing with his family at a small lake just a little west of Calabogie . From what he told me it seemed as though the boy had disappeared into thin air , there one minute and gone just a few minutes later when his father went to look for him . Not a trace had been left anywhere in the area , including at the spot he was seen to be standing right before he disappeared . A massive police search had been undertaken but nothing had ever come of it . According to Carl , people in the area were of two distinct and separate mindsets . Carl shook his head . " I 'm no detective , and surely no one ever asked me my opinion . At least , no police or anyone like that . But I 've told plenty of folks what I think . If someone took him , it was someone from around here . " He sighed when he finished and ran his hand through his hair again . Then he looked at me . Posted on April 9 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply It was still early in the day but I decided to retreat to the motel for the remainder of it , both to ponder all of the mystery I seemed to be caught up in and also to figure out what I was going to do next . My financial situation was still precarious and would be getting critical fairly soon . After checking in , once again to what was becoming my usual room , I placed the small metal car on top of the banged up dresser and sat down to think . Where was I at ? I knew I had plenty of speculation running through my mind , but what real facts were there at this point ? I wrote this in my journal that day : Looking at that list I felt one thing very strongly - you do not know much , do you ? Basically , I seemed to have uncovered that Clyde Forks was a strange place , one that few people wanted to move to and where few children were born . It was populated by people who fit my idea of odd , but who may very well have been perfectly normal . Some of those people held strange ideas , all unsupported by actual corroborating evidence , and they did not seem very receptive to outsiders . That was hardly a basis for all of my fascination with this place . But then , I had definitely heard that child , a youngster that no one seemed to want to talk about , and who remained hidden from me . It was all a tantalizingly elusive mystery , one I decided I could not resist . With that decision though , came the need to make some more money , so I slept in the remainder of that day and night , and headed out to Almonte in the morning . It was not a large place but it was definitely a more centralized town , one where a person could expect to find some work . The location was picturesque as it sat right on the Mississippi River ( not the same as the one that cuts through the United States ) and the winding bends of the river gave the area a lazy and comfortable feeling . I went around to the various small stores and other businesses and soon had picked up a job helping to unload shipping containers . I spent a week that way , working fourteen hour days and collapsing into a bed at a shabby motel outside of the town at night . Almost everyone that I worked with had some version of my " on the road , in need of money " story and they all seemed to be from places far away from Almonte . It was on my last day of work , a cool Tuesday filled with drizzle and an occasional strong wind , that I finally ended up working with someone who had grown up in the area . It had really not been my intention to get into the whole reason I was working , or what I was doing in Clyde Forks , but the man I was teamed up with was a real talker and drew it out of me . He was tall , maybe six foot seven , and had the look of someone who did a lot of hard labor . He had a face etched by wind and sun , big forearms covered in tattoos of various women 's names and a casual but determined manner , like unloading the Titanic by himself would not be a big deal but he was going to take his time doing it . I resisted his repeated inquires into my situation for a few hours but then told him the whole story , partly because I wanted to but also so he would stop talking about his various , and colorful , past experiences . They were fascinating but inevitably vulgar and over - dramatized . This time he shrugged . " Thirty miles is a long way in these parts . It wouldn 't have made the news over here . Maybe check up in Calabogie . " With that he moved on , starting up another story , this time about " that god - damned gypsy traitor Fallon . " Copyright Notice © Jack Mesenbourg and A Raconteur 's Refuge , 2011 - 2017 . Unauthorized use and / or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog 's author and / or owner is strictly prohibited . Excerpts and links may be used , provided that full and clear credit is given to Jack Mesenbourg and A Raconteur 's Refuge with appropriate and specific direction to the original content . Top Posts & Pages A Faraway Song ( Part 30 ) Copyright Notice © Jack Mesenbourg and A Raconteur 's Refuge , 2011 - 2017 . Unauthorized use and / or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog 's author and / or owner is strictly prohibited . Excerpts and links may be used , provided that full and clear credit is given to Jack Mesenbourg and A Raconteur 's Refuge with appropriate and specific direction to the original content . |
Posted on June 25 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply That is where I left it all of those years ago , taking with me a head full of questions , a real feeling of having left things unresolved and that little toy car as a memento of my adventure . I had left reluctantly but also had sensed the danger I was in , a strange feeling that I would have thought impossible to experience in the civilized world . On my long drive back to my regular life I had vowed to go back at some point and keep seeking answers , much more brave as the distance between myself and Clyde Forks increased . I never did of course , life taking over and the pressing need to solve the mystery fading softly away . I would go back to it occasionally , usually triggered by some other event in my life , but it always seemed very distant and remote , all the burning questions consumed by time . I would dream about Clyde Forks sometimes , or some member of the cast of characters I had met , or stay up an extra few minutes wondering about my experience up there . Most of the time I found it hard to believe I had been so wrapped up in it , or so convinced of a great conspiracy . It was a just an innocent small town , weird for sure , but innocent . Listening to that podcast brought everything back in a wave of memory and those old events suddenly seemed much clearer than before . That led me to digging through a pile of old boxes until I found the journal I had kept on that trip . Sitting down and reading it left me with those questions I posed at the beginning of this story . How could I have just left and stopped looking into what happened up there ? And , what did it all have to do with this missing boy ? Posted on June 18 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply I heard a faint sound to my left and realized that Mabel was speaking , much too lowly for me to hear . I knelt down by the side of her chair , trying to catch what she was saying . She had a sad but defiant look on her face and was staring not at me , but at the reverend . I think she realized I had not heard her as she cleared her throat and resumed speaking a little more loudly , more like a loud whisper now . " So , you are going to be part of this cover - up too ? " I asked her . " Why did you bother to help me then , to give me the clue about the red crow ? That 's a big part of what got me tangled up in this in the first place . Why ? " " Listen , it 's really time for you to go . Like Mabel said earlier , we got you a few answers , not many and not all of them that you wanted I know , but a few . That 's all you 're likely to get . You have to leave . " I stood there , feeling unfulfilled , and staring out through the window into the church parking lot . This little bit of information only seemed to make the remaining questions seem even more important , more urgent . I really believed that a child was being hidden in this community but at the same time I had no definitive reason to believe that anything illegal had taken place . Who was this child , and to whom did it belong ? What was the exact nature of this supposed evil presence in the area ? Was it real or the fantasy of a heartbroken old man ? Or was it something else ? There did not seem to be anyone willing to help me figure these things out . And then there were a bunch of other questions , much smaller and less important , but they still made me feel crazy to think of them going unanswered . Maybe this place really did just have a much different way of living , of acting and of protecting its children . Perhaps the evil did not exist at all , or was just an exaggerated myth . It could be that I had managed to stumble into the quirkiest place in the world . It just all seemed so strange and weird . " Reverend , what else do you know about this place . You claim to know nothing but then you seem to have some information . You tell me that you just got here , even Otto called you a , I think it was a placeholder , but then you knew to come and rescue me today . You make vague allusions to other things you might know . " I made sure he was looking at me before I finished . " What are you really doing here ? " He smiled at me . " I 'm an outsider here , just like Otto said . I might know a few things , information passed down from the religious men who were here before me , but mostly I 'm just observant . That and curious . " He winked at me and gave a very small laugh . " I belong here , or at least I am part of the fabric and culture of this place . They expect one temporary religious man to always be present . You 're not part of it , and there is nothing that can change that . I 'm sure you 're not satisfied but it really is time to go . If it makes you feel better , remember this though as you leave . This talk today , it helped me too , gave me a little closure on my own experience at the mine . I guess her spirit must still be there . I think that is going to help me a lot . So thank you for that . Now , go and forget about this place , and please don 't talk about it . Give this place it 's peace . I 'll watch the kaleidoscope up here for you . " He made the twisting motion with his hands and opened the door . " You 'll be safe getting to your truck . Otto might be mad at you but he 'll be watching and won 't let any harm come to you . " " Son , your little temporary adventure is over . It 's time to go . " His voice conveyed a feeling of finality and also of warning . I shook my head but stepped out the door . It had just about closed behind me when I pushed it back with my hand . I peered inside and spoke to Mabel . " So , when I was talking to him he said that six people had gone missing , or maybe it was seven . " I stopped and tried going back in my memory , sticking up my fingers as I recounted the individuals in my head . Then I continued . " Ok , well , I think he said six , but then it was seven , and well , either way , there was always one that he didn 't want to talk about . " " Well , I don 't know exactly what he told you about but it was probably mostly about them people he was related to . Some miner was the first , his brother , just vanished one day right as they were closing up the camp around the mine . Then another couple of miners , or laborers maybe , one of them was his uncle . And crazy Hattie of course , that was his sister . " " Bat - shit crazy woman who used to wander around this area , muttering to herself , stripping off clothes and setting them on fire , walking around naked after that . Your friend from the house was forever bringing her clothes but she 'd just end up burning them again a few days later or tearing them to shreds . I never did figure out how she ever survived a winter , but she did , quite a few actually . But then one day he found her campsite abandoned , no trace of her around , then or ever . " Mabel reached over and touched my arm , giving Otto a cautionary look as she did so . " More people than that have turned up missing , and I 'm sure they included those other ones you mentioned . I think Otto was just telling you that there were three relatives that disappeared and that is what started the whole evil presence thing . " " What about the one that he refused to talk about ? I tried a couple of times but he never told me . Do you know about that person ? " " Please , let 's just get this done with , okay ? I don 't think that a little more information here is going to hurt . Please . " " It was a girl , one that was living with him . A relative had dropped the child off one day and then never came back . She was … ' " he went silent without finishing , a faraway look in his eyes . " She was ours , all of ours . He couldn 't take care of her right , well not right exactly , just completely , like she should have been taken care of . He was too old . So we all helped look after her . She was ours , a child for this place . Ours . " I did not think he was finished , and he did continue several moments later . " Then , one day , she was gone . Not a sign of her anywhere except this doll she played with , a golden - haired doll with a pink dress . " Otto clenched his eyes closed , tightly , and shook his head . I glanced over at Mabel , who was not hiding her tears . The reverend was wide - eyed and staring intently at Otto and I . " That doll , they found it on the path to the mine . And that 's all I know and all you need to know . Now leave ! " Which is what Otto did , slamming the office door behind him . The reverend leaned back and let out a very large sigh . " Well , I can 't say I expected any of that . What a story . Is it true ? " He asked this while looking at Mabel , who had still not bothered to clean up her face . " Not really . I 'm sorry , but it isn 't . The thing I really want to know is who lives in that house with , well , the guy I call Brown Suit ? " " I 'm not sure anyone does son . Maybe it 's just your imagination , maybe you are a little too wrapped up in this whole thing that you see as such a mystery . Don 't you think that you might just be making that part up ? " " No , I don 't . I felt like someone else was there when I was in the house , and I heard it later with my own ears . I heard a child , right here , right on that street back there , " I replied while pointing back in the direction of Cemetery Road . " What is the big secret here ? " " Yes . But that 's got nothing to do with any of the matter you are so worked up about . She was just a missing girl and I saw her in a car . " Mabel cut me off . " Listen , it 's not relevant as Otto already said . We 'll get you a few answers , but it will likely be a very few and you shouldn 't waste them on that Wilson girl . Otto here is a good man but protective of this place . " She had a kind look on her face but the tone in her voice was less friendly , much more matter - of - fact . I took her suggestion to heart and spent a minute trying to compose my thoughts . He looked over at the reverend , then at me and then at the floor before answering . " I 'll answer , maybe . You need to leave here , that 's what I think , just leave now and don 't bother us again . These two seem to think otherwise , like we owe you something . If it 'll get rid of you , I 'll answer … maybe . Why do you think we should help him anyway , reverend ? " The reverend leaned forward . " Because I 'm sure we don 't want to have anything unfortunate happen here and I think if you give him a few simple answers , well that will be enough to satisfy his curiosity . Then he can go in peace and we all go back to our regular lives . " " Who lives with Brown Suit ? " All I received was a blank look . I was about to get angry when I realized that my nicknames for these people were known only to me . " Ok , listen , nobody around here will tell me their name , or at least most people won 't . I don 't know why , but it seems to be a thing . I just figured her name out when the reverend said it . " Mabel looked back at me but did not offer to add anything . " So , I have nicknames for people . That guy at the end of the road , the house with the big tree down in the yard ? " Otto nodded in reply , so I figured that meant he understood who I was talking about . He , of course , did not offer me a name to use , so I went back to nicknames . " I call him Brown Suit . So , who lives with him ? " " This is not going to work . I 'm going back to my truck . " I stood up but the reverend waved me back down . " Take it easy . Remember that this information you want , well it really isn 't any of your business although you seem to have made it that way . I 'm trying to get you a few answers but you need to be patient . Maybe start with something else ? " " I mean , Brown Suit told me that a bunch of people have disappeared from this area . He believes that the mine is haunted by some evil thing , a presence that , well , I guess he believes it lives in this area . He thinks it travels around and he follows it , trying to feed this thing his rabbits . " I was met with silence which I thought meant they did not understand what I was saying so I added , " you know , so that the evil thing eats the rabbits instead of people . He thinks it feeds on life energy or something like that and that he can substitute rabbits for people because all life has this energy . " More silence followed that , which is when I realized that it was because I was not telling them anything they did not already know . It was just the silence of people listening to a well - known story . Otto looked over at me , waited a few moments and then spoke . " A few people went missing , sure they did . People go missing from all over . That 's not what 's making him believe in evil things . He believes in that because of who goes missing . " Several minutes later I was sitting in the church office once again , this time with Eyebrows in a chair across from me , fanning herself with a copy of a religious magazine . I felt very tired and was fighting to keep my attention on the moment as a long nap sounded like a much better option . The reverend stayed near the door , staring out the window for five minutes before joining us . He sat down heavily in his chair and rubbed his hand across his forehead . Eyebrows got up immediately , casting a hard look his way and muttering , " we all need something to drink , don 't you think ? " under her breath . She returned with a tray full of glasses and a pitcher of ice water , pouring one for each of us . I had just started to drink when a sharp knock sounded from the door , startling me enough to make me choke . Eyebrows looked at the reverend who had stood up so he could see out the small window . " It 's Otto . I wondered if he might show up . It 'll be okay . " He gave us both a small , reassuring smile and then let the man in . I turned to look and my weariness left me . It was Window Man . Up close he still looked pale but not grey , which had been my initial impression of him . His skin was actually almost translucent and waxy in appearance . When I had run past him earlier I had caught a closer glimpse of his eyes which seemed to be shiny and less green than I had first thought them to be . Now I saw that they were actually green with gold flecks that made them glow even in the subdued light of the church office . He was not wearing his hat but had on a grey vest with a red feather partially sticking out of the watch pocket . He spoke through thin , dark lips . " I 'm here to give you a simple message young man , not from those people down the road as I figure you got their message loud and clear . This one is just from me . You need to leave before you do some real harm to this community , or something happens to you . Do you understand me ? " His voice was high - pitched and raspy . " I 'm not here to harm anyone . I just came here to check out a stupid old abandoned mine and got tangled up in all of this weirdness you have around here . I 'm just trying to figure out what 's going on . " " This place may seem strange to you , but it 's just outside of your life experience . Things here are just as normal for us as they have always been . " As he finished he looked over at the reverend , then waved at Eyebrows . " It figures you two would be the ones to come save this fella . You two outsiders … " His voice trailed off , but then it came back , in the middle of a sentence which had obviously started in his head . " … understand a damn thing about this place . " Eyebrows snorted before replying . " Don 't you be telling me who 's an outsider , Otto Clements . I 've been here plenty long enough to see very clearly what this place is , its beauty and its flaws . Plenty of both , don 't ya think ? " " You got nothing to say about who should or shouldn 't know things about this place . You 're just another damn religious place - holder doing your turn in the woods . Stay out of what you don 't understand . " " I 'm really trying to help you Otto , help you save your community as I think you just put it . I know that you are the only one I have ever seen around here , other than Mabel , " and here he gestured toward Eyebrows , " that has shown any kindness to strangers that have passed through Clyde Forks . That 's why I thought you might show up after what just happened out there . And I also know that you aren 't a violent man and don 't want to see any kind of mob action take place here in this community that you care about so much . So , let me help you get this young man on his way . " I spoke up before the reverend could reply . " You think all these missing people are just normal ? You think that hiding children is some kind of innocent weirdness that I don 't understand ? I 'm going to get some answers or . " I stopped before finishing , as " die trying " seemed like a very bad choice of words given the earlier events . " Well , I 'm going to figure it out . " I finished with that instead . She nodded and left the room as the reverend turned to Window Man . " Otto , I know you mean well and that 's why I thought you might follow us here . You know as well as I , honestly much better than I , that there are things about this place which would probably strike any rational person as strange . At least , anyone who did not come from here . A lot of those things have simple explanations that are much more innocent than they might appear . I think we can clear up this matter a little bit for this young man and then get him safely on his way . Can you help me with that ? " As Otto silently considered that , my brain was trying to figure out why his name sounded familiar . Eyebrows , or Mabel as I now knew her to be , returned and set a chair directly behind him . He was sitting down when it came to me . Posted on May 7 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply I eyed each person as I approached them , my stomach turning in nervous anticipation of unknown possibilities , looking for any sign of immediate danger . The first person I passed I had not seen before , a stocky , dark - haired man with a fat face and thick forearms that stuck out of the torn - off sleeves on a faded plaid shirt . He grunted with every breath , his nostrils flaring and sweat running down his forehead . Then came a couple I was also unfamiliar with , both of whom glowered at me from behind identical pairs of horn - rimmed glasses . Than Mr . Overalls and a short , thin woman with a ruddy face and poorly dyed , but very bright red hair . He stomped a foot down as I approached , causing me to jump , which seemed to amused Red Hair . Another man , greasy and grimy from top to bottom , emerged from the auto parts garage behind them and spat in my direction . A few more steps up the road stood what I figured to be my real threat . Shotgun and the man standing with him . It could not have been his father , as I had learned he was dead , but maybe an uncle or other close relative . They looked remarkably similar , and equally threatening . I have to admit that I almost lost my nerve at that point , almost turned and ran back toward Brown Suit , back down the gauntlet of people who seemed like friends compared to what I now expected to encounter . A brief wave of nausea passed over me and I clenched my mouth , purposely biting my tongue to give me something else to think about . The billowing colors up near Clyde Forks Road caught my eye again and now I could see that it was Eyebrows who was standing with the reverend . Would she really let something happen to me ? Would these people actually do something terrible to me with those two watching them ? Were the reverend and Eyebrows even on my side , or were they simply the final part of this community action ? I was not sure but thought it a bad sign that neither her nor the reverend seemed willing to walk down the road to be with me . I resumed walking , a quiver in my knees , taking four steps before Shotgun moved the weapon from its resting place in his arms and leveled it at the ground off to my right . It did not move from there as I approached him and the man who was with him did not move either . Both sets of their eyes locked with mine and the message was clear . Don 't come down this road again . As I passed them , Shotgun starting swinging the weapon , keeping it aimed at the road just a little bit behind me . I could feel my stomach clenching and I was soaked in sweat by the time I had moved twenty feet further . Finally the weapon stopped tracking my progress and a wave of relief swept over me . I paused , bending over to rest my hands on my knees . Before I could think about it , I promptly threw up in the road , my mind taking that moment to be worried about what kind of impression that was leaving on these people . Wiping my mouth , I glanced back and saw the man next to Shotgun start to move the weapon off of his hip . I took off running immediately and did not stop the rest of the way , passing about ten other people at whom I did not even look . As I approached the sinking brick house , the last one on the road , I noticed that Window Man was there , leaning on his mail box but seemingly noncommittal about being involved in delivering the community 's message to me . He settled for a short nod in my direction and then turned back toward his house . Ten feet later I staggered to a stop in front of the reverend and Eyebrows and sunk to the ground , breathing heavily . The two of them were silent as I recovered , my breathing finally settling down although a tremor remained in my body , some residual effect of the fear I had felt coming up Cemetery Road . Finally , about three minutes after I had collapsed , Eyebrows reached down and took my arm , a gust of wind swirling her multi - colored shawl around my face . With a little extra effort I managed to stand up and she kept hold of me , guiding me out of the intersection and east toward the church . I could hear the reverend a few paces behind us , his shoes crunching against the road gravel . I started to protest . " Just let me , well , ok , I guess . " It did seem like a good idea to get inside somewhere safe . " What the hell , sorry , heck , was that all about anyway ? " We were almost out of the intersection of the two roads , and I turned my head quickly to look at my tormentors one more time . The shawl was still swirling in the breeze and I had to reach up with my left hand and push it away . I felt better , just a little bit defiant , making up for my fear I suppose , and I thought about flipping the bird to the people who had made me feel that way . As I pulled the shawl down , ready to face them , I was surprised to see that Cemetery Road was empty . Posted on April 30 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply I stayed there for a few minutes , feeling confused but safe in the embrace of the building . No wonder people seek out churches for refuge or sanctuary , as they do seem to have a sense of security embedded within their walls . I was tempted to stay , to maybe curl up in a pew and take a nap , but my curiosity got me moving . When I finally stood up to leave I had no better idea of what I was planning to do next than I had when I first sat down , but I was determined to keep trying to solve this mystery . By the time I had walked back to my truck it was too late to get anything else done that day . The afternoon had slipped into early evening and the buzz of insects , finally able to emerge from their daytime hiding places , filled the air . I set up my sleeping bag in the bed of my truck and then sat on the tailgate , rubbing myself up with insect repellent . I had just kicked off one boot when I heard it . A shout , youthful and excited , the kind of yelp small children give when opening a present or being given a puppy . It rang out as clear as a church bell on a still afternoon , and seemed to echo a little in the surrounding trees . Then there was a loud , thick bang , like a heavy piece of lumber falling onto cement , and then silence . By that time I was running down the road , one boot sloppily tied up and hindering my speed . I had no doubt about the direction that shout had come from , right down Cemetery Road , right from the house at the end . By the time I reached the edge of Brown Suit 's driveway , all was quiet and still . I could not even hear the insects anymore , but that was likely due to my pounding heart , which had the sound of blood booming in my ears . After a few deep breaths I marched up to the door and started banging on it , yelling for someone to open it up . When that got no response I walked around toward the rabbit enclosure and ran right into Brown Suit who seemed to be waiting for me . He stood there , taking up more space than it seemed possible , blue eyes flashing with anger but also tinged with apprehension . He put out one arm toward me . " I heard it , you know I did , I , you . " I stopped and took a few deep breaths , trying to compose myself and recover the ability to speak complete sentences . Brown Suit 's arm remained outstretched . " I heard that child again , it came from here , I know it did . You know it did . " " What about all of those toys back there , " I shouted , pointing toward the area behind the Red Crow barn , " and the bike , what about that ? " I started to move , to try to go around him but something about his posture told me that he was not going to let me pass , no matter what sacrifice it cost him . He was old and I should not have had a problem just pushing my way past , but in that moment it just did not seem possible . By then I had also managed to realize that I was definitely acting foolishly , trespassing on private property , yelling accusations at an old man , and even thinking about forcing my way further onto his property . I settled for a final threat . " I know you have a child here , and I 've been to Calabogie . " I was not sure as I spoke what I exactly meant by the last part of my threat . I did not have any definitive information tying that missing boy to this mystery , but then I did not have anything excluding him either . I guess I was trying to get some kind of reaction out of the old man but he remained silent , his facial expression unchanged . They all stood there , right at the end of their respective driveways , silently looking at me . Most of their arms were crossed and none of them looked friendly . Shotgun had his favorite weapon cradled in the crook of his arm , and next to him stood an older man who had a similar weapon propped into the air against his right hip . I looked behind me and Brown Suit had not moved , although his arm was down and his eyes now seemed amused . His lips did not move but I heard him . I moved slowly down his driveway and then stopped at the end of it , eyeing the assembled residents of Cemetery Road warily . I felt like my next step , off of Brown Suit 's property , represented some kind of boundary that I was not sure I wanted to cross . It was strange to think of his property as somewhere safe , or at least safer than what I might encounter once I stepped off of it . The sounds of the insects were back even though my heart was now pounding just as hard as it had been before . The buzzing seemed louder than it should have been , insistent and ominous , and was effecting my ability to think straight . Shadows were creeping into the road , the tips of garages and trees making shapes against the gravel . I was frozen in place and the journey back to my truck seemed like a very long one . I saw some movement up toward Clyde Forks Road and after a few moments realized it was Reverend Currie and someone else whom I could not make out . He stood directly in the middle of the road , hands clasped behind his back , looking right at me . The person next to him seemed to change shape , some billowing of various colors caught up in a breeze I could not feel where I stood . I was not sure what his presence meant for me , but it did help to get me moving . I took a minute to re - tie my boot and then stepped off , my right foot seeming to be in slow motion , and moved off of Brown Suit 's property . Posted on April 23 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply " I , I , well … , " my voice trailed off as I fought for an answer . I felt a little overwhelmed in that moment , and also not completely sure how much of my suspicions to share with this man . I had spilled my story to my co - worker at the loading dock in Almonte , but that did not seem the same as this current situation . Here I had a community of people who had indeed lost a small child and seemed to be pretty well spooked by it . Some version less than the truth seemed to be appropriate . " It 's that Jenny Wilson girl , have you heard about her ? " Carl shook his head in response and I told him the story , along with the fact that she may have been seen in a car around Clyde Forks after she was reported missing . My explanation seemed to satisfy Carl , who was telling me he was sorry he could not be of more help to me , when Martha opened the office door and peeked out . " Don 't let him lie to you Carl . He asked me about a missing boy , not no missing girl . He 's up to something , something no good I 'll wager . " She banged the door shut and Carl , forehead wrinkled in thought , turned to me . Caught in my own rushed lie , I shrugged and quickly walked out of the store . By the time I was back in my truck and driving down the street back the way I had come in , there were three rather unfriendly looking men standing with Carl outside of the bait shop . Feeling more afraid than I wanted to admit , I sped off and drove straight back to my spot at the intersection of Clyde Forks and Cemetery Road . It was mid - afternoon by then and much warmer than it had been in Calabogie . The woods seemed to keep the heat trapped near the road and there was no breeze present to stir it up or move it along . It was much too hot to sit around in my truck so I wandered aimlessly down Clyde Forks Road , my mind churning through ideas but not paying much attention to where I was going . When I finally realized where I was , Reverend Currie was staring back at me from the front steps of the church . His arms were folded across his chest but he smiled when I looked over at him and then waved a hand , beckoning me forward . I guess our previous interaction over the bottle of whiskey had not dampened his general hospitality . I followed him into the church and sat down in a pew , the reverend one row in front of me and turned halfway , his left arm hanging over the back . I had been in the foyer before and the office , but never all the way into the small main congregation area . It was brighter than I had expected , an airy feeling accompanied by a quiet , peaceful vibe . There were not any stained glass windows but there were still some fanciful displays of reflected sunlight on the walls from the skylight over the altar . " Good to see you again , " he began , " and my apologies for the other day . Not my best moment . It 's a bit of a dark side that I have , a personal demon . " I nodded my forgiveness , although I was not sure if he meant the drinking or the memory of the voice in the mine . Or maybe it was both . " I get it and I 'll leave it alone . Maybe I pushed too hard . I seem to be getting a little bit obsessed with this whole thing . I could tell whatever it was that happened in that mine , well , it spooked you pretty good . " He nodded back slowly , rubbing some light stubble on his face . " Yeah , it did . " There was a short pause , his eyes reflective and faraway , but then he was back in the moment . " So , what have you been doing since then ? I haven 't seen you around in a while and I figured we had all scared you off . " He gave a rueful smile as he finished . He did not reply for a few moments , staring back intently but silently at me . He whispered , " I tell you what I can , but you need to be careful , " before falling silent again . It was not a very satisfying statement but he did not seem inclined to elaborate . Finally he slapped his hand lightly on the back of the pew and asked me for a few more details on Jenny Wilson . I told him everything I had been able to find out and when I was done he shook his head . I waited . " Are you sure ? " I could hear the disappointment in my own voice . I had begun to think of my research into her story as a real piece of detective work , one that would help clear up at least some part of the mystery . The reverend was sure . " No way that voice belonged to anyone older than seven years old . " He sighed and continued . " It would have been nice though , if it had been , I would have known some more of the story anyway . And you found a missing girl that , well , it could have been her for sure , except for the age . Flower Station Road isn 't too far from here … , " his voice trailed off . " Evil exists , everywhere . " The reverend 's eyes were very intense as he spoke , his voice climbing a little in volume . " It takes different forms , acts in different ways , reveals itself at odd times and through strange vehicles . And people perceive all of those manifestations differently , through their own kaleidoscope is how I always put it . So , I 'm sure something evil exists around here . What do you see ? " His question took me aback for a few seconds as I had not expected to be asked to evaluate the idea of evil myself , or how it might apply to Clyde Forks . I thought he would be the expert in that area . I stayed silent and he repeated his question , this time holding his hands in front of his face , twisting an invisible kaleidoscope . Then he leaned over , squeezed my shoulder and spoke . " Beware of that image of evil , it shifts and changes , broken apart into small little glimmers of mismatched information . You need to see what it is before the picture comes into focus . " With that , he walked out the back door . Posted on April 17 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply At the end of that day , I slept one last time at the motel in Almonte and woke the next morning determined to chase down this new lead . I was not certain that I believed my tall co - worker 's assertion that people in the immediate area would not know about something that happened a mere thirty miles away . Perhaps I was just getting conspiracy - minded as I tried to solve this mystery about Clyde Forks . In any event I made the library my first stop , pulling into the small parking lot about ten minutes before it opened . When it did , the same thin , pale librarian with the green eyes who I had dealt with last time unlocked the doors . I asked him a few questions and soon realized that it was true after all ; people in this region of Canada basically kept to themselves and let the rest of the world worry about itself . His most poignant comment was , " If you want to find out something from Calabogie , well then , you better get on up there and figure it out . " When I commented back that he had been so helpful before , he merely replied that this had been because the info he gave me was about Clyde Forks . That was in Lanark County , and Calabogie most certainly was not . At least that gave me a better idea of what " local " meant to people in this area . He did give me directions and I spent a little over an hour on a scenic drive in a generally northern direction , stopping when I passed White Lake to admire the beauty of the area . Arriving around noon in Calabogie , I was impressed by even more beautiful scenery . The road I drove in on paralleled the Madawaska River which then spills into Calabogie Lake . The area , despite some surrounding shops and houses , seemed untouched by most of the other usual intrusions of larger city life . It was quiet and peaceful , filled with trees and summer flowers , slightly warm but with a erratic breeze blowing around the edges of the lake . I took a few minutes to admire it all as I thought about how to proceed . The clerk gave me a rather piercing look as she replied . " What do you want to know about that for , eh ? " She shook her light brown , curly hair , raised her drawn - in eyebrows and placed a hand on her right hip . It was not a friendly pose . I raised my hands up slightly , trying to lighten the tension . " Sorry , I surrender . I 'm not trying to stir anything up . I just was wondering what happened , that 's all . " " Why would you be wondering about it , then ? I figure the ones that should be wondering are the parents and police . Not strangers . " Her look this time was tinted with suspicion . " Unless you got something to gain by it , or know something about it yourself ? " The fact that I knew another town in the area seemed to lessen her hostility a little , although she did keep stepping backward , keeping the distance between us at about thirty feet even as I approached the counter . Eventually she was backed up against the wall , right next to a battered wooden door that seemed to open into an office . She called to someone through that door . " He 's asking about that McNeville boy that went missing last year . And he 's up to some kind of detective work over in Clyde Forks . " Having made that announcement she stepped quickly into the office and slammed the door shut . Carl grimaced and shrugged . " Don 't be too put off my Martha . She sees quite a bit of danger around here these days , since that boy went missing , I suppose . It took us all a little of guard , ya know what I mean , eh ? " Carl proceeded to tell me about a blonde , five year old boy who had disappeared while fishing with his family at a small lake just a little west of Calabogie . From what he told me it seemed as though the boy had disappeared into thin air , there one minute and gone just a few minutes later when his father went to look for him . Not a trace had been left anywhere in the area , including at the spot he was seen to be standing right before he disappeared . A massive police search had been undertaken but nothing had ever come of it . According to Carl , people in the area were of two distinct and separate mindsets . Carl shook his head . " I 'm no detective , and surely no one ever asked me my opinion . At least , no police or anyone like that . But I 've told plenty of folks what I think . If someone took him , it was someone from around here . " He sighed when he finished and ran his hand through his hair again . Then he looked at me . Posted on April 9 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply It was still early in the day but I decided to retreat to the motel for the remainder of it , both to ponder all of the mystery I seemed to be caught up in and also to figure out what I was going to do next . My financial situation was still precarious and would be getting critical fairly soon . After checking in , once again to what was becoming my usual room , I placed the small metal car on top of the banged up dresser and sat down to think . Where was I at ? I knew I had plenty of speculation running through my mind , but what real facts were there at this point ? I wrote this in my journal that day : Looking at that list I felt one thing very strongly - you do not know much , do you ? Basically , I seemed to have uncovered that Clyde Forks was a strange place , one that few people wanted to move to and where few children were born . It was populated by people who fit my idea of odd , but who may very well have been perfectly normal . Some of those people held strange ideas , all unsupported by actual corroborating evidence , and they did not seem very receptive to outsiders . That was hardly a basis for all of my fascination with this place . But then , I had definitely heard that child , a youngster that no one seemed to want to talk about , and who remained hidden from me . It was all a tantalizingly elusive mystery , one I decided I could not resist . With that decision though , came the need to make some more money , so I slept in the remainder of that day and night , and headed out to Almonte in the morning . It was not a large place but it was definitely a more centralized town , one where a person could expect to find some work . The location was picturesque as it sat right on the Mississippi River ( not the same as the one that cuts through the United States ) and the winding bends of the river gave the area a lazy and comfortable feeling . I went around to the various small stores and other businesses and soon had picked up a job helping to unload shipping containers . I spent a week that way , working fourteen hour days and collapsing into a bed at a shabby motel outside of the town at night . Almost everyone that I worked with had some version of my " on the road , in need of money " story and they all seemed to be from places far away from Almonte . It was on my last day of work , a cool Tuesday filled with drizzle and an occasional strong wind , that I finally ended up working with someone who had grown up in the area . It had really not been my intention to get into the whole reason I was working , or what I was doing in Clyde Forks , but the man I was teamed up with was a real talker and drew it out of me . He was tall , maybe six foot seven , and had the look of someone who did a lot of hard labor . He had a face etched by wind and sun , big forearms covered in tattoos of various women 's names and a casual but determined manner , like unloading the Titanic by himself would not be a big deal but he was going to take his time doing it . I resisted his repeated inquires into my situation for a few hours but then told him the whole story , partly because I wanted to but also so he would stop talking about his various , and colorful , past experiences . They were fascinating but inevitably vulgar and over - dramatized . This time he shrugged . " Thirty miles is a long way in these parts . It wouldn 't have made the news over here . Maybe check up in Calabogie . " With that he moved on , starting up another story , this time about " that god - damned gypsy traitor Fallon . " Copyright Notice © Jack Mesenbourg and A Raconteur 's Refuge , 2011 - 2017 . Unauthorized use and / or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog 's author and / or owner is strictly prohibited . Excerpts and links may be used , provided that full and clear credit is given to Jack Mesenbourg and A Raconteur 's Refuge with appropriate and specific direction to the original content . Top Posts & Pages A Faraway Song ( Part 30 ) Copyright Notice © Jack Mesenbourg and A Raconteur 's Refuge , 2011 - 2017 . Unauthorized use and / or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog 's author and / or owner is strictly prohibited . Excerpts and links may be used , provided that full and clear credit is given to Jack Mesenbourg and A Raconteur 's Refuge with appropriate and specific direction to the original content . |
Posted on June 25 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply That is where I left it all of those years ago , taking with me a head full of questions , a real feeling of having left things unresolved and that little toy car as a memento of my adventure . I had left reluctantly but also had sensed the danger I was in , a strange feeling that I would have thought impossible to experience in the civilized world . On my long drive back to my regular life I had vowed to go back at some point and keep seeking answers , much more brave as the distance between myself and Clyde Forks increased . I never did of course , life taking over and the pressing need to solve the mystery fading softly away . I would go back to it occasionally , usually triggered by some other event in my life , but it always seemed very distant and remote , all the burning questions consumed by time . I would dream about Clyde Forks sometimes , or some member of the cast of characters I had met , or stay up an extra few minutes wondering about my experience up there . Most of the time I found it hard to believe I had been so wrapped up in it , or so convinced of a great conspiracy . It was a just an innocent small town , weird for sure , but innocent . Listening to that podcast brought everything back in a wave of memory and those old events suddenly seemed much clearer than before . That led me to digging through a pile of old boxes until I found the journal I had kept on that trip . Sitting down and reading it left me with those questions I posed at the beginning of this story . How could I have just left and stopped looking into what happened up there ? And , what did it all have to do with this missing boy ? Posted on June 18 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply I heard a faint sound to my left and realized that Mabel was speaking , much too lowly for me to hear . I knelt down by the side of her chair , trying to catch what she was saying . She had a sad but defiant look on her face and was staring not at me , but at the reverend . I think she realized I had not heard her as she cleared her throat and resumed speaking a little more loudly , more like a loud whisper now . " So , you are going to be part of this cover - up too ? " I asked her . " Why did you bother to help me then , to give me the clue about the red crow ? That 's a big part of what got me tangled up in this in the first place . Why ? " " Listen , it 's really time for you to go . Like Mabel said earlier , we got you a few answers , not many and not all of them that you wanted I know , but a few . That 's all you 're likely to get . You have to leave . " I stood there , feeling unfulfilled , and staring out through the window into the church parking lot . This little bit of information only seemed to make the remaining questions seem even more important , more urgent . I really believed that a child was being hidden in this community but at the same time I had no definitive reason to believe that anything illegal had taken place . Who was this child , and to whom did it belong ? What was the exact nature of this supposed evil presence in the area ? Was it real or the fantasy of a heartbroken old man ? Or was it something else ? There did not seem to be anyone willing to help me figure these things out . And then there were a bunch of other questions , much smaller and less important , but they still made me feel crazy to think of them going unanswered . Maybe this place really did just have a much different way of living , of acting and of protecting its children . Perhaps the evil did not exist at all , or was just an exaggerated myth . It could be that I had managed to stumble into the quirkiest place in the world . It just all seemed so strange and weird . " Reverend , what else do you know about this place . You claim to know nothing but then you seem to have some information . You tell me that you just got here , even Otto called you a , I think it was a placeholder , but then you knew to come and rescue me today . You make vague allusions to other things you might know . " I made sure he was looking at me before I finished . " What are you really doing here ? " He smiled at me . " I 'm an outsider here , just like Otto said . I might know a few things , information passed down from the religious men who were here before me , but mostly I 'm just observant . That and curious . " He winked at me and gave a very small laugh . " I belong here , or at least I am part of the fabric and culture of this place . They expect one temporary religious man to always be present . You 're not part of it , and there is nothing that can change that . I 'm sure you 're not satisfied but it really is time to go . If it makes you feel better , remember this though as you leave . This talk today , it helped me too , gave me a little closure on my own experience at the mine . I guess her spirit must still be there . I think that is going to help me a lot . So thank you for that . Now , go and forget about this place , and please don 't talk about it . Give this place it 's peace . I 'll watch the kaleidoscope up here for you . " He made the twisting motion with his hands and opened the door . " You 'll be safe getting to your truck . Otto might be mad at you but he 'll be watching and won 't let any harm come to you . " " Son , your little temporary adventure is over . It 's time to go . " His voice conveyed a feeling of finality and also of warning . I shook my head but stepped out the door . It had just about closed behind me when I pushed it back with my hand . I peered inside and spoke to Mabel . " So , when I was talking to him he said that six people had gone missing , or maybe it was seven . " I stopped and tried going back in my memory , sticking up my fingers as I recounted the individuals in my head . Then I continued . " Ok , well , I think he said six , but then it was seven , and well , either way , there was always one that he didn 't want to talk about . " " Well , I don 't know exactly what he told you about but it was probably mostly about them people he was related to . Some miner was the first , his brother , just vanished one day right as they were closing up the camp around the mine . Then another couple of miners , or laborers maybe , one of them was his uncle . And crazy Hattie of course , that was his sister . " " Bat - shit crazy woman who used to wander around this area , muttering to herself , stripping off clothes and setting them on fire , walking around naked after that . Your friend from the house was forever bringing her clothes but she 'd just end up burning them again a few days later or tearing them to shreds . I never did figure out how she ever survived a winter , but she did , quite a few actually . But then one day he found her campsite abandoned , no trace of her around , then or ever . " Mabel reached over and touched my arm , giving Otto a cautionary look as she did so . " More people than that have turned up missing , and I 'm sure they included those other ones you mentioned . I think Otto was just telling you that there were three relatives that disappeared and that is what started the whole evil presence thing . " " What about the one that he refused to talk about ? I tried a couple of times but he never told me . Do you know about that person ? " " Please , let 's just get this done with , okay ? I don 't think that a little more information here is going to hurt . Please . " " It was a girl , one that was living with him . A relative had dropped the child off one day and then never came back . She was … ' " he went silent without finishing , a faraway look in his eyes . " She was ours , all of ours . He couldn 't take care of her right , well not right exactly , just completely , like she should have been taken care of . He was too old . So we all helped look after her . She was ours , a child for this place . Ours . " I did not think he was finished , and he did continue several moments later . " Then , one day , she was gone . Not a sign of her anywhere except this doll she played with , a golden - haired doll with a pink dress . " Otto clenched his eyes closed , tightly , and shook his head . I glanced over at Mabel , who was not hiding her tears . The reverend was wide - eyed and staring intently at Otto and I . " That doll , they found it on the path to the mine . And that 's all I know and all you need to know . Now leave ! " Which is what Otto did , slamming the office door behind him . The reverend leaned back and let out a very large sigh . " Well , I can 't say I expected any of that . What a story . Is it true ? " He asked this while looking at Mabel , who had still not bothered to clean up her face . " Not really . I 'm sorry , but it isn 't . The thing I really want to know is who lives in that house with , well , the guy I call Brown Suit ? " " I 'm not sure anyone does son . Maybe it 's just your imagination , maybe you are a little too wrapped up in this whole thing that you see as such a mystery . Don 't you think that you might just be making that part up ? " " No , I don 't . I felt like someone else was there when I was in the house , and I heard it later with my own ears . I heard a child , right here , right on that street back there , " I replied while pointing back in the direction of Cemetery Road . " What is the big secret here ? " " Yes . But that 's got nothing to do with any of the matter you are so worked up about . She was just a missing girl and I saw her in a car . " Mabel cut me off . " Listen , it 's not relevant as Otto already said . We 'll get you a few answers , but it will likely be a very few and you shouldn 't waste them on that Wilson girl . Otto here is a good man but protective of this place . " She had a kind look on her face but the tone in her voice was less friendly , much more matter - of - fact . I took her suggestion to heart and spent a minute trying to compose my thoughts . He looked over at the reverend , then at me and then at the floor before answering . " I 'll answer , maybe . You need to leave here , that 's what I think , just leave now and don 't bother us again . These two seem to think otherwise , like we owe you something . If it 'll get rid of you , I 'll answer … maybe . Why do you think we should help him anyway , reverend ? " The reverend leaned forward . " Because I 'm sure we don 't want to have anything unfortunate happen here and I think if you give him a few simple answers , well that will be enough to satisfy his curiosity . Then he can go in peace and we all go back to our regular lives . " " Who lives with Brown Suit ? " All I received was a blank look . I was about to get angry when I realized that my nicknames for these people were known only to me . " Ok , listen , nobody around here will tell me their name , or at least most people won 't . I don 't know why , but it seems to be a thing . I just figured her name out when the reverend said it . " Mabel looked back at me but did not offer to add anything . " So , I have nicknames for people . That guy at the end of the road , the house with the big tree down in the yard ? " Otto nodded in reply , so I figured that meant he understood who I was talking about . He , of course , did not offer me a name to use , so I went back to nicknames . " I call him Brown Suit . So , who lives with him ? " " This is not going to work . I 'm going back to my truck . " I stood up but the reverend waved me back down . " Take it easy . Remember that this information you want , well it really isn 't any of your business although you seem to have made it that way . I 'm trying to get you a few answers but you need to be patient . Maybe start with something else ? " " I mean , Brown Suit told me that a bunch of people have disappeared from this area . He believes that the mine is haunted by some evil thing , a presence that , well , I guess he believes it lives in this area . He thinks it travels around and he follows it , trying to feed this thing his rabbits . " I was met with silence which I thought meant they did not understand what I was saying so I added , " you know , so that the evil thing eats the rabbits instead of people . He thinks it feeds on life energy or something like that and that he can substitute rabbits for people because all life has this energy . " More silence followed that , which is when I realized that it was because I was not telling them anything they did not already know . It was just the silence of people listening to a well - known story . Otto looked over at me , waited a few moments and then spoke . " A few people went missing , sure they did . People go missing from all over . That 's not what 's making him believe in evil things . He believes in that because of who goes missing . " Several minutes later I was sitting in the church office once again , this time with Eyebrows in a chair across from me , fanning herself with a copy of a religious magazine . I felt very tired and was fighting to keep my attention on the moment as a long nap sounded like a much better option . The reverend stayed near the door , staring out the window for five minutes before joining us . He sat down heavily in his chair and rubbed his hand across his forehead . Eyebrows got up immediately , casting a hard look his way and muttering , " we all need something to drink , don 't you think ? " under her breath . She returned with a tray full of glasses and a pitcher of ice water , pouring one for each of us . I had just started to drink when a sharp knock sounded from the door , startling me enough to make me choke . Eyebrows looked at the reverend who had stood up so he could see out the small window . " It 's Otto . I wondered if he might show up . It 'll be okay . " He gave us both a small , reassuring smile and then let the man in . I turned to look and my weariness left me . It was Window Man . Up close he still looked pale but not grey , which had been my initial impression of him . His skin was actually almost translucent and waxy in appearance . When I had run past him earlier I had caught a closer glimpse of his eyes which seemed to be shiny and less green than I had first thought them to be . Now I saw that they were actually green with gold flecks that made them glow even in the subdued light of the church office . He was not wearing his hat but had on a grey vest with a red feather partially sticking out of the watch pocket . He spoke through thin , dark lips . " I 'm here to give you a simple message young man , not from those people down the road as I figure you got their message loud and clear . This one is just from me . You need to leave before you do some real harm to this community , or something happens to you . Do you understand me ? " His voice was high - pitched and raspy . " I 'm not here to harm anyone . I just came here to check out a stupid old abandoned mine and got tangled up in all of this weirdness you have around here . I 'm just trying to figure out what 's going on . " " This place may seem strange to you , but it 's just outside of your life experience . Things here are just as normal for us as they have always been . " As he finished he looked over at the reverend , then waved at Eyebrows . " It figures you two would be the ones to come save this fella . You two outsiders … " His voice trailed off , but then it came back , in the middle of a sentence which had obviously started in his head . " … understand a damn thing about this place . " Eyebrows snorted before replying . " Don 't you be telling me who 's an outsider , Otto Clements . I 've been here plenty long enough to see very clearly what this place is , its beauty and its flaws . Plenty of both , don 't ya think ? " " You got nothing to say about who should or shouldn 't know things about this place . You 're just another damn religious place - holder doing your turn in the woods . Stay out of what you don 't understand . " " I 'm really trying to help you Otto , help you save your community as I think you just put it . I know that you are the only one I have ever seen around here , other than Mabel , " and here he gestured toward Eyebrows , " that has shown any kindness to strangers that have passed through Clyde Forks . That 's why I thought you might show up after what just happened out there . And I also know that you aren 't a violent man and don 't want to see any kind of mob action take place here in this community that you care about so much . So , let me help you get this young man on his way . " I spoke up before the reverend could reply . " You think all these missing people are just normal ? You think that hiding children is some kind of innocent weirdness that I don 't understand ? I 'm going to get some answers or . " I stopped before finishing , as " die trying " seemed like a very bad choice of words given the earlier events . " Well , I 'm going to figure it out . " I finished with that instead . She nodded and left the room as the reverend turned to Window Man . " Otto , I know you mean well and that 's why I thought you might follow us here . You know as well as I , honestly much better than I , that there are things about this place which would probably strike any rational person as strange . At least , anyone who did not come from here . A lot of those things have simple explanations that are much more innocent than they might appear . I think we can clear up this matter a little bit for this young man and then get him safely on his way . Can you help me with that ? " As Otto silently considered that , my brain was trying to figure out why his name sounded familiar . Eyebrows , or Mabel as I now knew her to be , returned and set a chair directly behind him . He was sitting down when it came to me . Posted on May 7 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply I eyed each person as I approached them , my stomach turning in nervous anticipation of unknown possibilities , looking for any sign of immediate danger . The first person I passed I had not seen before , a stocky , dark - haired man with a fat face and thick forearms that stuck out of the torn - off sleeves on a faded plaid shirt . He grunted with every breath , his nostrils flaring and sweat running down his forehead . Then came a couple I was also unfamiliar with , both of whom glowered at me from behind identical pairs of horn - rimmed glasses . Than Mr . Overalls and a short , thin woman with a ruddy face and poorly dyed , but very bright red hair . He stomped a foot down as I approached , causing me to jump , which seemed to amused Red Hair . Another man , greasy and grimy from top to bottom , emerged from the auto parts garage behind them and spat in my direction . A few more steps up the road stood what I figured to be my real threat . Shotgun and the man standing with him . It could not have been his father , as I had learned he was dead , but maybe an uncle or other close relative . They looked remarkably similar , and equally threatening . I have to admit that I almost lost my nerve at that point , almost turned and ran back toward Brown Suit , back down the gauntlet of people who seemed like friends compared to what I now expected to encounter . A brief wave of nausea passed over me and I clenched my mouth , purposely biting my tongue to give me something else to think about . The billowing colors up near Clyde Forks Road caught my eye again and now I could see that it was Eyebrows who was standing with the reverend . Would she really let something happen to me ? Would these people actually do something terrible to me with those two watching them ? Were the reverend and Eyebrows even on my side , or were they simply the final part of this community action ? I was not sure but thought it a bad sign that neither her nor the reverend seemed willing to walk down the road to be with me . I resumed walking , a quiver in my knees , taking four steps before Shotgun moved the weapon from its resting place in his arms and leveled it at the ground off to my right . It did not move from there as I approached him and the man who was with him did not move either . Both sets of their eyes locked with mine and the message was clear . Don 't come down this road again . As I passed them , Shotgun starting swinging the weapon , keeping it aimed at the road just a little bit behind me . I could feel my stomach clenching and I was soaked in sweat by the time I had moved twenty feet further . Finally the weapon stopped tracking my progress and a wave of relief swept over me . I paused , bending over to rest my hands on my knees . Before I could think about it , I promptly threw up in the road , my mind taking that moment to be worried about what kind of impression that was leaving on these people . Wiping my mouth , I glanced back and saw the man next to Shotgun start to move the weapon off of his hip . I took off running immediately and did not stop the rest of the way , passing about ten other people at whom I did not even look . As I approached the sinking brick house , the last one on the road , I noticed that Window Man was there , leaning on his mail box but seemingly noncommittal about being involved in delivering the community 's message to me . He settled for a short nod in my direction and then turned back toward his house . Ten feet later I staggered to a stop in front of the reverend and Eyebrows and sunk to the ground , breathing heavily . The two of them were silent as I recovered , my breathing finally settling down although a tremor remained in my body , some residual effect of the fear I had felt coming up Cemetery Road . Finally , about three minutes after I had collapsed , Eyebrows reached down and took my arm , a gust of wind swirling her multi - colored shawl around my face . With a little extra effort I managed to stand up and she kept hold of me , guiding me out of the intersection and east toward the church . I could hear the reverend a few paces behind us , his shoes crunching against the road gravel . I started to protest . " Just let me , well , ok , I guess . " It did seem like a good idea to get inside somewhere safe . " What the hell , sorry , heck , was that all about anyway ? " We were almost out of the intersection of the two roads , and I turned my head quickly to look at my tormentors one more time . The shawl was still swirling in the breeze and I had to reach up with my left hand and push it away . I felt better , just a little bit defiant , making up for my fear I suppose , and I thought about flipping the bird to the people who had made me feel that way . As I pulled the shawl down , ready to face them , I was surprised to see that Cemetery Road was empty . Posted on April 30 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply I stayed there for a few minutes , feeling confused but safe in the embrace of the building . No wonder people seek out churches for refuge or sanctuary , as they do seem to have a sense of security embedded within their walls . I was tempted to stay , to maybe curl up in a pew and take a nap , but my curiosity got me moving . When I finally stood up to leave I had no better idea of what I was planning to do next than I had when I first sat down , but I was determined to keep trying to solve this mystery . By the time I had walked back to my truck it was too late to get anything else done that day . The afternoon had slipped into early evening and the buzz of insects , finally able to emerge from their daytime hiding places , filled the air . I set up my sleeping bag in the bed of my truck and then sat on the tailgate , rubbing myself up with insect repellent . I had just kicked off one boot when I heard it . A shout , youthful and excited , the kind of yelp small children give when opening a present or being given a puppy . It rang out as clear as a church bell on a still afternoon , and seemed to echo a little in the surrounding trees . Then there was a loud , thick bang , like a heavy piece of lumber falling onto cement , and then silence . By that time I was running down the road , one boot sloppily tied up and hindering my speed . I had no doubt about the direction that shout had come from , right down Cemetery Road , right from the house at the end . By the time I reached the edge of Brown Suit 's driveway , all was quiet and still . I could not even hear the insects anymore , but that was likely due to my pounding heart , which had the sound of blood booming in my ears . After a few deep breaths I marched up to the door and started banging on it , yelling for someone to open it up . When that got no response I walked around toward the rabbit enclosure and ran right into Brown Suit who seemed to be waiting for me . He stood there , taking up more space than it seemed possible , blue eyes flashing with anger but also tinged with apprehension . He put out one arm toward me . " I heard it , you know I did , I , you . " I stopped and took a few deep breaths , trying to compose myself and recover the ability to speak complete sentences . Brown Suit 's arm remained outstretched . " I heard that child again , it came from here , I know it did . You know it did . " " What about all of those toys back there , " I shouted , pointing toward the area behind the Red Crow barn , " and the bike , what about that ? " I started to move , to try to go around him but something about his posture told me that he was not going to let me pass , no matter what sacrifice it cost him . He was old and I should not have had a problem just pushing my way past , but in that moment it just did not seem possible . By then I had also managed to realize that I was definitely acting foolishly , trespassing on private property , yelling accusations at an old man , and even thinking about forcing my way further onto his property . I settled for a final threat . " I know you have a child here , and I 've been to Calabogie . " I was not sure as I spoke what I exactly meant by the last part of my threat . I did not have any definitive information tying that missing boy to this mystery , but then I did not have anything excluding him either . I guess I was trying to get some kind of reaction out of the old man but he remained silent , his facial expression unchanged . They all stood there , right at the end of their respective driveways , silently looking at me . Most of their arms were crossed and none of them looked friendly . Shotgun had his favorite weapon cradled in the crook of his arm , and next to him stood an older man who had a similar weapon propped into the air against his right hip . I looked behind me and Brown Suit had not moved , although his arm was down and his eyes now seemed amused . His lips did not move but I heard him . I moved slowly down his driveway and then stopped at the end of it , eyeing the assembled residents of Cemetery Road warily . I felt like my next step , off of Brown Suit 's property , represented some kind of boundary that I was not sure I wanted to cross . It was strange to think of his property as somewhere safe , or at least safer than what I might encounter once I stepped off of it . The sounds of the insects were back even though my heart was now pounding just as hard as it had been before . The buzzing seemed louder than it should have been , insistent and ominous , and was effecting my ability to think straight . Shadows were creeping into the road , the tips of garages and trees making shapes against the gravel . I was frozen in place and the journey back to my truck seemed like a very long one . I saw some movement up toward Clyde Forks Road and after a few moments realized it was Reverend Currie and someone else whom I could not make out . He stood directly in the middle of the road , hands clasped behind his back , looking right at me . The person next to him seemed to change shape , some billowing of various colors caught up in a breeze I could not feel where I stood . I was not sure what his presence meant for me , but it did help to get me moving . I took a minute to re - tie my boot and then stepped off , my right foot seeming to be in slow motion , and moved off of Brown Suit 's property . Posted on April 23 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply " I , I , well … , " my voice trailed off as I fought for an answer . I felt a little overwhelmed in that moment , and also not completely sure how much of my suspicions to share with this man . I had spilled my story to my co - worker at the loading dock in Almonte , but that did not seem the same as this current situation . Here I had a community of people who had indeed lost a small child and seemed to be pretty well spooked by it . Some version less than the truth seemed to be appropriate . " It 's that Jenny Wilson girl , have you heard about her ? " Carl shook his head in response and I told him the story , along with the fact that she may have been seen in a car around Clyde Forks after she was reported missing . My explanation seemed to satisfy Carl , who was telling me he was sorry he could not be of more help to me , when Martha opened the office door and peeked out . " Don 't let him lie to you Carl . He asked me about a missing boy , not no missing girl . He 's up to something , something no good I 'll wager . " She banged the door shut and Carl , forehead wrinkled in thought , turned to me . Caught in my own rushed lie , I shrugged and quickly walked out of the store . By the time I was back in my truck and driving down the street back the way I had come in , there were three rather unfriendly looking men standing with Carl outside of the bait shop . Feeling more afraid than I wanted to admit , I sped off and drove straight back to my spot at the intersection of Clyde Forks and Cemetery Road . It was mid - afternoon by then and much warmer than it had been in Calabogie . The woods seemed to keep the heat trapped near the road and there was no breeze present to stir it up or move it along . It was much too hot to sit around in my truck so I wandered aimlessly down Clyde Forks Road , my mind churning through ideas but not paying much attention to where I was going . When I finally realized where I was , Reverend Currie was staring back at me from the front steps of the church . His arms were folded across his chest but he smiled when I looked over at him and then waved a hand , beckoning me forward . I guess our previous interaction over the bottle of whiskey had not dampened his general hospitality . I followed him into the church and sat down in a pew , the reverend one row in front of me and turned halfway , his left arm hanging over the back . I had been in the foyer before and the office , but never all the way into the small main congregation area . It was brighter than I had expected , an airy feeling accompanied by a quiet , peaceful vibe . There were not any stained glass windows but there were still some fanciful displays of reflected sunlight on the walls from the skylight over the altar . " Good to see you again , " he began , " and my apologies for the other day . Not my best moment . It 's a bit of a dark side that I have , a personal demon . " I nodded my forgiveness , although I was not sure if he meant the drinking or the memory of the voice in the mine . Or maybe it was both . " I get it and I 'll leave it alone . Maybe I pushed too hard . I seem to be getting a little bit obsessed with this whole thing . I could tell whatever it was that happened in that mine , well , it spooked you pretty good . " He nodded back slowly , rubbing some light stubble on his face . " Yeah , it did . " There was a short pause , his eyes reflective and faraway , but then he was back in the moment . " So , what have you been doing since then ? I haven 't seen you around in a while and I figured we had all scared you off . " He gave a rueful smile as he finished . He did not reply for a few moments , staring back intently but silently at me . He whispered , " I tell you what I can , but you need to be careful , " before falling silent again . It was not a very satisfying statement but he did not seem inclined to elaborate . Finally he slapped his hand lightly on the back of the pew and asked me for a few more details on Jenny Wilson . I told him everything I had been able to find out and when I was done he shook his head . I waited . " Are you sure ? " I could hear the disappointment in my own voice . I had begun to think of my research into her story as a real piece of detective work , one that would help clear up at least some part of the mystery . The reverend was sure . " No way that voice belonged to anyone older than seven years old . " He sighed and continued . " It would have been nice though , if it had been , I would have known some more of the story anyway . And you found a missing girl that , well , it could have been her for sure , except for the age . Flower Station Road isn 't too far from here … , " his voice trailed off . " Evil exists , everywhere . " The reverend 's eyes were very intense as he spoke , his voice climbing a little in volume . " It takes different forms , acts in different ways , reveals itself at odd times and through strange vehicles . And people perceive all of those manifestations differently , through their own kaleidoscope is how I always put it . So , I 'm sure something evil exists around here . What do you see ? " His question took me aback for a few seconds as I had not expected to be asked to evaluate the idea of evil myself , or how it might apply to Clyde Forks . I thought he would be the expert in that area . I stayed silent and he repeated his question , this time holding his hands in front of his face , twisting an invisible kaleidoscope . Then he leaned over , squeezed my shoulder and spoke . " Beware of that image of evil , it shifts and changes , broken apart into small little glimmers of mismatched information . You need to see what it is before the picture comes into focus . " With that , he walked out the back door . Posted on April 17 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply At the end of that day , I slept one last time at the motel in Almonte and woke the next morning determined to chase down this new lead . I was not certain that I believed my tall co - worker 's assertion that people in the immediate area would not know about something that happened a mere thirty miles away . Perhaps I was just getting conspiracy - minded as I tried to solve this mystery about Clyde Forks . In any event I made the library my first stop , pulling into the small parking lot about ten minutes before it opened . When it did , the same thin , pale librarian with the green eyes who I had dealt with last time unlocked the doors . I asked him a few questions and soon realized that it was true after all ; people in this region of Canada basically kept to themselves and let the rest of the world worry about itself . His most poignant comment was , " If you want to find out something from Calabogie , well then , you better get on up there and figure it out . " When I commented back that he had been so helpful before , he merely replied that this had been because the info he gave me was about Clyde Forks . That was in Lanark County , and Calabogie most certainly was not . At least that gave me a better idea of what " local " meant to people in this area . He did give me directions and I spent a little over an hour on a scenic drive in a generally northern direction , stopping when I passed White Lake to admire the beauty of the area . Arriving around noon in Calabogie , I was impressed by even more beautiful scenery . The road I drove in on paralleled the Madawaska River which then spills into Calabogie Lake . The area , despite some surrounding shops and houses , seemed untouched by most of the other usual intrusions of larger city life . It was quiet and peaceful , filled with trees and summer flowers , slightly warm but with a erratic breeze blowing around the edges of the lake . I took a few minutes to admire it all as I thought about how to proceed . The clerk gave me a rather piercing look as she replied . " What do you want to know about that for , eh ? " She shook her light brown , curly hair , raised her drawn - in eyebrows and placed a hand on her right hip . It was not a friendly pose . I raised my hands up slightly , trying to lighten the tension . " Sorry , I surrender . I 'm not trying to stir anything up . I just was wondering what happened , that 's all . " " Why would you be wondering about it , then ? I figure the ones that should be wondering are the parents and police . Not strangers . " Her look this time was tinted with suspicion . " Unless you got something to gain by it , or know something about it yourself ? " The fact that I knew another town in the area seemed to lessen her hostility a little , although she did keep stepping backward , keeping the distance between us at about thirty feet even as I approached the counter . Eventually she was backed up against the wall , right next to a battered wooden door that seemed to open into an office . She called to someone through that door . " He 's asking about that McNeville boy that went missing last year . And he 's up to some kind of detective work over in Clyde Forks . " Having made that announcement she stepped quickly into the office and slammed the door shut . Carl grimaced and shrugged . " Don 't be too put off my Martha . She sees quite a bit of danger around here these days , since that boy went missing , I suppose . It took us all a little of guard , ya know what I mean , eh ? " Carl proceeded to tell me about a blonde , five year old boy who had disappeared while fishing with his family at a small lake just a little west of Calabogie . From what he told me it seemed as though the boy had disappeared into thin air , there one minute and gone just a few minutes later when his father went to look for him . Not a trace had been left anywhere in the area , including at the spot he was seen to be standing right before he disappeared . A massive police search had been undertaken but nothing had ever come of it . According to Carl , people in the area were of two distinct and separate mindsets . Carl shook his head . " I 'm no detective , and surely no one ever asked me my opinion . At least , no police or anyone like that . But I 've told plenty of folks what I think . If someone took him , it was someone from around here . " He sighed when he finished and ran his hand through his hair again . Then he looked at me . Posted on April 9 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply It was still early in the day but I decided to retreat to the motel for the remainder of it , both to ponder all of the mystery I seemed to be caught up in and also to figure out what I was going to do next . My financial situation was still precarious and would be getting critical fairly soon . After checking in , once again to what was becoming my usual room , I placed the small metal car on top of the banged up dresser and sat down to think . Where was I at ? I knew I had plenty of speculation running through my mind , but what real facts were there at this point ? I wrote this in my journal that day : Looking at that list I felt one thing very strongly - you do not know much , do you ? Basically , I seemed to have uncovered that Clyde Forks was a strange place , one that few people wanted to move to and where few children were born . It was populated by people who fit my idea of odd , but who may very well have been perfectly normal . Some of those people held strange ideas , all unsupported by actual corroborating evidence , and they did not seem very receptive to outsiders . That was hardly a basis for all of my fascination with this place . But then , I had definitely heard that child , a youngster that no one seemed to want to talk about , and who remained hidden from me . It was all a tantalizingly elusive mystery , one I decided I could not resist . With that decision though , came the need to make some more money , so I slept in the remainder of that day and night , and headed out to Almonte in the morning . It was not a large place but it was definitely a more centralized town , one where a person could expect to find some work . The location was picturesque as it sat right on the Mississippi River ( not the same as the one that cuts through the United States ) and the winding bends of the river gave the area a lazy and comfortable feeling . I went around to the various small stores and other businesses and soon had picked up a job helping to unload shipping containers . I spent a week that way , working fourteen hour days and collapsing into a bed at a shabby motel outside of the town at night . Almost everyone that I worked with had some version of my " on the road , in need of money " story and they all seemed to be from places far away from Almonte . It was on my last day of work , a cool Tuesday filled with drizzle and an occasional strong wind , that I finally ended up working with someone who had grown up in the area . It had really not been my intention to get into the whole reason I was working , or what I was doing in Clyde Forks , but the man I was teamed up with was a real talker and drew it out of me . He was tall , maybe six foot seven , and had the look of someone who did a lot of hard labor . He had a face etched by wind and sun , big forearms covered in tattoos of various women 's names and a casual but determined manner , like unloading the Titanic by himself would not be a big deal but he was going to take his time doing it . I resisted his repeated inquires into my situation for a few hours but then told him the whole story , partly because I wanted to but also so he would stop talking about his various , and colorful , past experiences . They were fascinating but inevitably vulgar and over - dramatized . This time he shrugged . " Thirty miles is a long way in these parts . It wouldn 't have made the news over here . Maybe check up in Calabogie . " With that he moved on , starting up another story , this time about " that god - damned gypsy traitor Fallon . " Copyright Notice © Jack Mesenbourg and A Raconteur 's Refuge , 2011 - 2017 . Unauthorized use and / or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog 's author and / or owner is strictly prohibited . Excerpts and links may be used , provided that full and clear credit is given to Jack Mesenbourg and A Raconteur 's Refuge with appropriate and specific direction to the original content . Top Posts & Pages A Faraway Song ( Part 30 ) Copyright Notice © Jack Mesenbourg and A Raconteur 's Refuge , 2011 - 2017 . Unauthorized use and / or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog 's author and / or owner is strictly prohibited . Excerpts and links may be used , provided that full and clear credit is given to Jack Mesenbourg and A Raconteur 's Refuge with appropriate and specific direction to the original content . |
Posted on June 25 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply That is where I left it all of those years ago , taking with me a head full of questions , a real feeling of having left things unresolved and that little toy car as a memento of my adventure . I had left reluctantly but also had sensed the danger I was in , a strange feeling that I would have thought impossible to experience in the civilized world . On my long drive back to my regular life I had vowed to go back at some point and keep seeking answers , much more brave as the distance between myself and Clyde Forks increased . I never did of course , life taking over and the pressing need to solve the mystery fading softly away . I would go back to it occasionally , usually triggered by some other event in my life , but it always seemed very distant and remote , all the burning questions consumed by time . I would dream about Clyde Forks sometimes , or some member of the cast of characters I had met , or stay up an extra few minutes wondering about my experience up there . Most of the time I found it hard to believe I had been so wrapped up in it , or so convinced of a great conspiracy . It was a just an innocent small town , weird for sure , but innocent . Listening to that podcast brought everything back in a wave of memory and those old events suddenly seemed much clearer than before . That led me to digging through a pile of old boxes until I found the journal I had kept on that trip . Sitting down and reading it left me with those questions I posed at the beginning of this story . How could I have just left and stopped looking into what happened up there ? And , what did it all have to do with this missing boy ? Posted on June 18 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply I heard a faint sound to my left and realized that Mabel was speaking , much too lowly for me to hear . I knelt down by the side of her chair , trying to catch what she was saying . She had a sad but defiant look on her face and was staring not at me , but at the reverend . I think she realized I had not heard her as she cleared her throat and resumed speaking a little more loudly , more like a loud whisper now . " So , you are going to be part of this cover - up too ? " I asked her . " Why did you bother to help me then , to give me the clue about the red crow ? That 's a big part of what got me tangled up in this in the first place . Why ? " " Listen , it 's really time for you to go . Like Mabel said earlier , we got you a few answers , not many and not all of them that you wanted I know , but a few . That 's all you 're likely to get . You have to leave . " I stood there , feeling unfulfilled , and staring out through the window into the church parking lot . This little bit of information only seemed to make the remaining questions seem even more important , more urgent . I really believed that a child was being hidden in this community but at the same time I had no definitive reason to believe that anything illegal had taken place . Who was this child , and to whom did it belong ? What was the exact nature of this supposed evil presence in the area ? Was it real or the fantasy of a heartbroken old man ? Or was it something else ? There did not seem to be anyone willing to help me figure these things out . And then there were a bunch of other questions , much smaller and less important , but they still made me feel crazy to think of them going unanswered . Maybe this place really did just have a much different way of living , of acting and of protecting its children . Perhaps the evil did not exist at all , or was just an exaggerated myth . It could be that I had managed to stumble into the quirkiest place in the world . It just all seemed so strange and weird . " Reverend , what else do you know about this place . You claim to know nothing but then you seem to have some information . You tell me that you just got here , even Otto called you a , I think it was a placeholder , but then you knew to come and rescue me today . You make vague allusions to other things you might know . " I made sure he was looking at me before I finished . " What are you really doing here ? " He smiled at me . " I 'm an outsider here , just like Otto said . I might know a few things , information passed down from the religious men who were here before me , but mostly I 'm just observant . That and curious . " He winked at me and gave a very small laugh . " I belong here , or at least I am part of the fabric and culture of this place . They expect one temporary religious man to always be present . You 're not part of it , and there is nothing that can change that . I 'm sure you 're not satisfied but it really is time to go . If it makes you feel better , remember this though as you leave . This talk today , it helped me too , gave me a little closure on my own experience at the mine . I guess her spirit must still be there . I think that is going to help me a lot . So thank you for that . Now , go and forget about this place , and please don 't talk about it . Give this place it 's peace . I 'll watch the kaleidoscope up here for you . " He made the twisting motion with his hands and opened the door . " You 'll be safe getting to your truck . Otto might be mad at you but he 'll be watching and won 't let any harm come to you . " " Son , your little temporary adventure is over . It 's time to go . " His voice conveyed a feeling of finality and also of warning . I shook my head but stepped out the door . It had just about closed behind me when I pushed it back with my hand . I peered inside and spoke to Mabel . " So , when I was talking to him he said that six people had gone missing , or maybe it was seven . " I stopped and tried going back in my memory , sticking up my fingers as I recounted the individuals in my head . Then I continued . " Ok , well , I think he said six , but then it was seven , and well , either way , there was always one that he didn 't want to talk about . " " Well , I don 't know exactly what he told you about but it was probably mostly about them people he was related to . Some miner was the first , his brother , just vanished one day right as they were closing up the camp around the mine . Then another couple of miners , or laborers maybe , one of them was his uncle . And crazy Hattie of course , that was his sister . " " Bat - shit crazy woman who used to wander around this area , muttering to herself , stripping off clothes and setting them on fire , walking around naked after that . Your friend from the house was forever bringing her clothes but she 'd just end up burning them again a few days later or tearing them to shreds . I never did figure out how she ever survived a winter , but she did , quite a few actually . But then one day he found her campsite abandoned , no trace of her around , then or ever . " Mabel reached over and touched my arm , giving Otto a cautionary look as she did so . " More people than that have turned up missing , and I 'm sure they included those other ones you mentioned . I think Otto was just telling you that there were three relatives that disappeared and that is what started the whole evil presence thing . " " What about the one that he refused to talk about ? I tried a couple of times but he never told me . Do you know about that person ? " " Please , let 's just get this done with , okay ? I don 't think that a little more information here is going to hurt . Please . " " It was a girl , one that was living with him . A relative had dropped the child off one day and then never came back . She was … ' " he went silent without finishing , a faraway look in his eyes . " She was ours , all of ours . He couldn 't take care of her right , well not right exactly , just completely , like she should have been taken care of . He was too old . So we all helped look after her . She was ours , a child for this place . Ours . " I did not think he was finished , and he did continue several moments later . " Then , one day , she was gone . Not a sign of her anywhere except this doll she played with , a golden - haired doll with a pink dress . " Otto clenched his eyes closed , tightly , and shook his head . I glanced over at Mabel , who was not hiding her tears . The reverend was wide - eyed and staring intently at Otto and I . " That doll , they found it on the path to the mine . And that 's all I know and all you need to know . Now leave ! " Which is what Otto did , slamming the office door behind him . The reverend leaned back and let out a very large sigh . " Well , I can 't say I expected any of that . What a story . Is it true ? " He asked this while looking at Mabel , who had still not bothered to clean up her face . " Not really . I 'm sorry , but it isn 't . The thing I really want to know is who lives in that house with , well , the guy I call Brown Suit ? " " I 'm not sure anyone does son . Maybe it 's just your imagination , maybe you are a little too wrapped up in this whole thing that you see as such a mystery . Don 't you think that you might just be making that part up ? " " No , I don 't . I felt like someone else was there when I was in the house , and I heard it later with my own ears . I heard a child , right here , right on that street back there , " I replied while pointing back in the direction of Cemetery Road . " What is the big secret here ? " " Yes . But that 's got nothing to do with any of the matter you are so worked up about . She was just a missing girl and I saw her in a car . " Mabel cut me off . " Listen , it 's not relevant as Otto already said . We 'll get you a few answers , but it will likely be a very few and you shouldn 't waste them on that Wilson girl . Otto here is a good man but protective of this place . " She had a kind look on her face but the tone in her voice was less friendly , much more matter - of - fact . I took her suggestion to heart and spent a minute trying to compose my thoughts . He looked over at the reverend , then at me and then at the floor before answering . " I 'll answer , maybe . You need to leave here , that 's what I think , just leave now and don 't bother us again . These two seem to think otherwise , like we owe you something . If it 'll get rid of you , I 'll answer … maybe . Why do you think we should help him anyway , reverend ? " The reverend leaned forward . " Because I 'm sure we don 't want to have anything unfortunate happen here and I think if you give him a few simple answers , well that will be enough to satisfy his curiosity . Then he can go in peace and we all go back to our regular lives . " " Who lives with Brown Suit ? " All I received was a blank look . I was about to get angry when I realized that my nicknames for these people were known only to me . " Ok , listen , nobody around here will tell me their name , or at least most people won 't . I don 't know why , but it seems to be a thing . I just figured her name out when the reverend said it . " Mabel looked back at me but did not offer to add anything . " So , I have nicknames for people . That guy at the end of the road , the house with the big tree down in the yard ? " Otto nodded in reply , so I figured that meant he understood who I was talking about . He , of course , did not offer me a name to use , so I went back to nicknames . " I call him Brown Suit . So , who lives with him ? " " This is not going to work . I 'm going back to my truck . " I stood up but the reverend waved me back down . " Take it easy . Remember that this information you want , well it really isn 't any of your business although you seem to have made it that way . I 'm trying to get you a few answers but you need to be patient . Maybe start with something else ? " " I mean , Brown Suit told me that a bunch of people have disappeared from this area . He believes that the mine is haunted by some evil thing , a presence that , well , I guess he believes it lives in this area . He thinks it travels around and he follows it , trying to feed this thing his rabbits . " I was met with silence which I thought meant they did not understand what I was saying so I added , " you know , so that the evil thing eats the rabbits instead of people . He thinks it feeds on life energy or something like that and that he can substitute rabbits for people because all life has this energy . " More silence followed that , which is when I realized that it was because I was not telling them anything they did not already know . It was just the silence of people listening to a well - known story . Otto looked over at me , waited a few moments and then spoke . " A few people went missing , sure they did . People go missing from all over . That 's not what 's making him believe in evil things . He believes in that because of who goes missing . " Several minutes later I was sitting in the church office once again , this time with Eyebrows in a chair across from me , fanning herself with a copy of a religious magazine . I felt very tired and was fighting to keep my attention on the moment as a long nap sounded like a much better option . The reverend stayed near the door , staring out the window for five minutes before joining us . He sat down heavily in his chair and rubbed his hand across his forehead . Eyebrows got up immediately , casting a hard look his way and muttering , " we all need something to drink , don 't you think ? " under her breath . She returned with a tray full of glasses and a pitcher of ice water , pouring one for each of us . I had just started to drink when a sharp knock sounded from the door , startling me enough to make me choke . Eyebrows looked at the reverend who had stood up so he could see out the small window . " It 's Otto . I wondered if he might show up . It 'll be okay . " He gave us both a small , reassuring smile and then let the man in . I turned to look and my weariness left me . It was Window Man . Up close he still looked pale but not grey , which had been my initial impression of him . His skin was actually almost translucent and waxy in appearance . When I had run past him earlier I had caught a closer glimpse of his eyes which seemed to be shiny and less green than I had first thought them to be . Now I saw that they were actually green with gold flecks that made them glow even in the subdued light of the church office . He was not wearing his hat but had on a grey vest with a red feather partially sticking out of the watch pocket . He spoke through thin , dark lips . " I 'm here to give you a simple message young man , not from those people down the road as I figure you got their message loud and clear . This one is just from me . You need to leave before you do some real harm to this community , or something happens to you . Do you understand me ? " His voice was high - pitched and raspy . " I 'm not here to harm anyone . I just came here to check out a stupid old abandoned mine and got tangled up in all of this weirdness you have around here . I 'm just trying to figure out what 's going on . " " This place may seem strange to you , but it 's just outside of your life experience . Things here are just as normal for us as they have always been . " As he finished he looked over at the reverend , then waved at Eyebrows . " It figures you two would be the ones to come save this fella . You two outsiders … " His voice trailed off , but then it came back , in the middle of a sentence which had obviously started in his head . " … understand a damn thing about this place . " Eyebrows snorted before replying . " Don 't you be telling me who 's an outsider , Otto Clements . I 've been here plenty long enough to see very clearly what this place is , its beauty and its flaws . Plenty of both , don 't ya think ? " " You got nothing to say about who should or shouldn 't know things about this place . You 're just another damn religious place - holder doing your turn in the woods . Stay out of what you don 't understand . " " I 'm really trying to help you Otto , help you save your community as I think you just put it . I know that you are the only one I have ever seen around here , other than Mabel , " and here he gestured toward Eyebrows , " that has shown any kindness to strangers that have passed through Clyde Forks . That 's why I thought you might show up after what just happened out there . And I also know that you aren 't a violent man and don 't want to see any kind of mob action take place here in this community that you care about so much . So , let me help you get this young man on his way . " I spoke up before the reverend could reply . " You think all these missing people are just normal ? You think that hiding children is some kind of innocent weirdness that I don 't understand ? I 'm going to get some answers or . " I stopped before finishing , as " die trying " seemed like a very bad choice of words given the earlier events . " Well , I 'm going to figure it out . " I finished with that instead . She nodded and left the room as the reverend turned to Window Man . " Otto , I know you mean well and that 's why I thought you might follow us here . You know as well as I , honestly much better than I , that there are things about this place which would probably strike any rational person as strange . At least , anyone who did not come from here . A lot of those things have simple explanations that are much more innocent than they might appear . I think we can clear up this matter a little bit for this young man and then get him safely on his way . Can you help me with that ? " As Otto silently considered that , my brain was trying to figure out why his name sounded familiar . Eyebrows , or Mabel as I now knew her to be , returned and set a chair directly behind him . He was sitting down when it came to me . Posted on May 7 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply I eyed each person as I approached them , my stomach turning in nervous anticipation of unknown possibilities , looking for any sign of immediate danger . The first person I passed I had not seen before , a stocky , dark - haired man with a fat face and thick forearms that stuck out of the torn - off sleeves on a faded plaid shirt . He grunted with every breath , his nostrils flaring and sweat running down his forehead . Then came a couple I was also unfamiliar with , both of whom glowered at me from behind identical pairs of horn - rimmed glasses . Than Mr . Overalls and a short , thin woman with a ruddy face and poorly dyed , but very bright red hair . He stomped a foot down as I approached , causing me to jump , which seemed to amused Red Hair . Another man , greasy and grimy from top to bottom , emerged from the auto parts garage behind them and spat in my direction . A few more steps up the road stood what I figured to be my real threat . Shotgun and the man standing with him . It could not have been his father , as I had learned he was dead , but maybe an uncle or other close relative . They looked remarkably similar , and equally threatening . I have to admit that I almost lost my nerve at that point , almost turned and ran back toward Brown Suit , back down the gauntlet of people who seemed like friends compared to what I now expected to encounter . A brief wave of nausea passed over me and I clenched my mouth , purposely biting my tongue to give me something else to think about . The billowing colors up near Clyde Forks Road caught my eye again and now I could see that it was Eyebrows who was standing with the reverend . Would she really let something happen to me ? Would these people actually do something terrible to me with those two watching them ? Were the reverend and Eyebrows even on my side , or were they simply the final part of this community action ? I was not sure but thought it a bad sign that neither her nor the reverend seemed willing to walk down the road to be with me . I resumed walking , a quiver in my knees , taking four steps before Shotgun moved the weapon from its resting place in his arms and leveled it at the ground off to my right . It did not move from there as I approached him and the man who was with him did not move either . Both sets of their eyes locked with mine and the message was clear . Don 't come down this road again . As I passed them , Shotgun starting swinging the weapon , keeping it aimed at the road just a little bit behind me . I could feel my stomach clenching and I was soaked in sweat by the time I had moved twenty feet further . Finally the weapon stopped tracking my progress and a wave of relief swept over me . I paused , bending over to rest my hands on my knees . Before I could think about it , I promptly threw up in the road , my mind taking that moment to be worried about what kind of impression that was leaving on these people . Wiping my mouth , I glanced back and saw the man next to Shotgun start to move the weapon off of his hip . I took off running immediately and did not stop the rest of the way , passing about ten other people at whom I did not even look . As I approached the sinking brick house , the last one on the road , I noticed that Window Man was there , leaning on his mail box but seemingly noncommittal about being involved in delivering the community 's message to me . He settled for a short nod in my direction and then turned back toward his house . Ten feet later I staggered to a stop in front of the reverend and Eyebrows and sunk to the ground , breathing heavily . The two of them were silent as I recovered , my breathing finally settling down although a tremor remained in my body , some residual effect of the fear I had felt coming up Cemetery Road . Finally , about three minutes after I had collapsed , Eyebrows reached down and took my arm , a gust of wind swirling her multi - colored shawl around my face . With a little extra effort I managed to stand up and she kept hold of me , guiding me out of the intersection and east toward the church . I could hear the reverend a few paces behind us , his shoes crunching against the road gravel . I started to protest . " Just let me , well , ok , I guess . " It did seem like a good idea to get inside somewhere safe . " What the hell , sorry , heck , was that all about anyway ? " We were almost out of the intersection of the two roads , and I turned my head quickly to look at my tormentors one more time . The shawl was still swirling in the breeze and I had to reach up with my left hand and push it away . I felt better , just a little bit defiant , making up for my fear I suppose , and I thought about flipping the bird to the people who had made me feel that way . As I pulled the shawl down , ready to face them , I was surprised to see that Cemetery Road was empty . Posted on April 30 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply I stayed there for a few minutes , feeling confused but safe in the embrace of the building . No wonder people seek out churches for refuge or sanctuary , as they do seem to have a sense of security embedded within their walls . I was tempted to stay , to maybe curl up in a pew and take a nap , but my curiosity got me moving . When I finally stood up to leave I had no better idea of what I was planning to do next than I had when I first sat down , but I was determined to keep trying to solve this mystery . By the time I had walked back to my truck it was too late to get anything else done that day . The afternoon had slipped into early evening and the buzz of insects , finally able to emerge from their daytime hiding places , filled the air . I set up my sleeping bag in the bed of my truck and then sat on the tailgate , rubbing myself up with insect repellent . I had just kicked off one boot when I heard it . A shout , youthful and excited , the kind of yelp small children give when opening a present or being given a puppy . It rang out as clear as a church bell on a still afternoon , and seemed to echo a little in the surrounding trees . Then there was a loud , thick bang , like a heavy piece of lumber falling onto cement , and then silence . By that time I was running down the road , one boot sloppily tied up and hindering my speed . I had no doubt about the direction that shout had come from , right down Cemetery Road , right from the house at the end . By the time I reached the edge of Brown Suit 's driveway , all was quiet and still . I could not even hear the insects anymore , but that was likely due to my pounding heart , which had the sound of blood booming in my ears . After a few deep breaths I marched up to the door and started banging on it , yelling for someone to open it up . When that got no response I walked around toward the rabbit enclosure and ran right into Brown Suit who seemed to be waiting for me . He stood there , taking up more space than it seemed possible , blue eyes flashing with anger but also tinged with apprehension . He put out one arm toward me . " I heard it , you know I did , I , you . " I stopped and took a few deep breaths , trying to compose myself and recover the ability to speak complete sentences . Brown Suit 's arm remained outstretched . " I heard that child again , it came from here , I know it did . You know it did . " " What about all of those toys back there , " I shouted , pointing toward the area behind the Red Crow barn , " and the bike , what about that ? " I started to move , to try to go around him but something about his posture told me that he was not going to let me pass , no matter what sacrifice it cost him . He was old and I should not have had a problem just pushing my way past , but in that moment it just did not seem possible . By then I had also managed to realize that I was definitely acting foolishly , trespassing on private property , yelling accusations at an old man , and even thinking about forcing my way further onto his property . I settled for a final threat . " I know you have a child here , and I 've been to Calabogie . " I was not sure as I spoke what I exactly meant by the last part of my threat . I did not have any definitive information tying that missing boy to this mystery , but then I did not have anything excluding him either . I guess I was trying to get some kind of reaction out of the old man but he remained silent , his facial expression unchanged . They all stood there , right at the end of their respective driveways , silently looking at me . Most of their arms were crossed and none of them looked friendly . Shotgun had his favorite weapon cradled in the crook of his arm , and next to him stood an older man who had a similar weapon propped into the air against his right hip . I looked behind me and Brown Suit had not moved , although his arm was down and his eyes now seemed amused . His lips did not move but I heard him . I moved slowly down his driveway and then stopped at the end of it , eyeing the assembled residents of Cemetery Road warily . I felt like my next step , off of Brown Suit 's property , represented some kind of boundary that I was not sure I wanted to cross . It was strange to think of his property as somewhere safe , or at least safer than what I might encounter once I stepped off of it . The sounds of the insects were back even though my heart was now pounding just as hard as it had been before . The buzzing seemed louder than it should have been , insistent and ominous , and was effecting my ability to think straight . Shadows were creeping into the road , the tips of garages and trees making shapes against the gravel . I was frozen in place and the journey back to my truck seemed like a very long one . I saw some movement up toward Clyde Forks Road and after a few moments realized it was Reverend Currie and someone else whom I could not make out . He stood directly in the middle of the road , hands clasped behind his back , looking right at me . The person next to him seemed to change shape , some billowing of various colors caught up in a breeze I could not feel where I stood . I was not sure what his presence meant for me , but it did help to get me moving . I took a minute to re - tie my boot and then stepped off , my right foot seeming to be in slow motion , and moved off of Brown Suit 's property . Posted on April 23 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply " I , I , well … , " my voice trailed off as I fought for an answer . I felt a little overwhelmed in that moment , and also not completely sure how much of my suspicions to share with this man . I had spilled my story to my co - worker at the loading dock in Almonte , but that did not seem the same as this current situation . Here I had a community of people who had indeed lost a small child and seemed to be pretty well spooked by it . Some version less than the truth seemed to be appropriate . " It 's that Jenny Wilson girl , have you heard about her ? " Carl shook his head in response and I told him the story , along with the fact that she may have been seen in a car around Clyde Forks after she was reported missing . My explanation seemed to satisfy Carl , who was telling me he was sorry he could not be of more help to me , when Martha opened the office door and peeked out . " Don 't let him lie to you Carl . He asked me about a missing boy , not no missing girl . He 's up to something , something no good I 'll wager . " She banged the door shut and Carl , forehead wrinkled in thought , turned to me . Caught in my own rushed lie , I shrugged and quickly walked out of the store . By the time I was back in my truck and driving down the street back the way I had come in , there were three rather unfriendly looking men standing with Carl outside of the bait shop . Feeling more afraid than I wanted to admit , I sped off and drove straight back to my spot at the intersection of Clyde Forks and Cemetery Road . It was mid - afternoon by then and much warmer than it had been in Calabogie . The woods seemed to keep the heat trapped near the road and there was no breeze present to stir it up or move it along . It was much too hot to sit around in my truck so I wandered aimlessly down Clyde Forks Road , my mind churning through ideas but not paying much attention to where I was going . When I finally realized where I was , Reverend Currie was staring back at me from the front steps of the church . His arms were folded across his chest but he smiled when I looked over at him and then waved a hand , beckoning me forward . I guess our previous interaction over the bottle of whiskey had not dampened his general hospitality . I followed him into the church and sat down in a pew , the reverend one row in front of me and turned halfway , his left arm hanging over the back . I had been in the foyer before and the office , but never all the way into the small main congregation area . It was brighter than I had expected , an airy feeling accompanied by a quiet , peaceful vibe . There were not any stained glass windows but there were still some fanciful displays of reflected sunlight on the walls from the skylight over the altar . " Good to see you again , " he began , " and my apologies for the other day . Not my best moment . It 's a bit of a dark side that I have , a personal demon . " I nodded my forgiveness , although I was not sure if he meant the drinking or the memory of the voice in the mine . Or maybe it was both . " I get it and I 'll leave it alone . Maybe I pushed too hard . I seem to be getting a little bit obsessed with this whole thing . I could tell whatever it was that happened in that mine , well , it spooked you pretty good . " He nodded back slowly , rubbing some light stubble on his face . " Yeah , it did . " There was a short pause , his eyes reflective and faraway , but then he was back in the moment . " So , what have you been doing since then ? I haven 't seen you around in a while and I figured we had all scared you off . " He gave a rueful smile as he finished . He did not reply for a few moments , staring back intently but silently at me . He whispered , " I tell you what I can , but you need to be careful , " before falling silent again . It was not a very satisfying statement but he did not seem inclined to elaborate . Finally he slapped his hand lightly on the back of the pew and asked me for a few more details on Jenny Wilson . I told him everything I had been able to find out and when I was done he shook his head . I waited . " Are you sure ? " I could hear the disappointment in my own voice . I had begun to think of my research into her story as a real piece of detective work , one that would help clear up at least some part of the mystery . The reverend was sure . " No way that voice belonged to anyone older than seven years old . " He sighed and continued . " It would have been nice though , if it had been , I would have known some more of the story anyway . And you found a missing girl that , well , it could have been her for sure , except for the age . Flower Station Road isn 't too far from here … , " his voice trailed off . " Evil exists , everywhere . " The reverend 's eyes were very intense as he spoke , his voice climbing a little in volume . " It takes different forms , acts in different ways , reveals itself at odd times and through strange vehicles . And people perceive all of those manifestations differently , through their own kaleidoscope is how I always put it . So , I 'm sure something evil exists around here . What do you see ? " His question took me aback for a few seconds as I had not expected to be asked to evaluate the idea of evil myself , or how it might apply to Clyde Forks . I thought he would be the expert in that area . I stayed silent and he repeated his question , this time holding his hands in front of his face , twisting an invisible kaleidoscope . Then he leaned over , squeezed my shoulder and spoke . " Beware of that image of evil , it shifts and changes , broken apart into small little glimmers of mismatched information . You need to see what it is before the picture comes into focus . " With that , he walked out the back door . Posted on April 17 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply At the end of that day , I slept one last time at the motel in Almonte and woke the next morning determined to chase down this new lead . I was not certain that I believed my tall co - worker 's assertion that people in the immediate area would not know about something that happened a mere thirty miles away . Perhaps I was just getting conspiracy - minded as I tried to solve this mystery about Clyde Forks . In any event I made the library my first stop , pulling into the small parking lot about ten minutes before it opened . When it did , the same thin , pale librarian with the green eyes who I had dealt with last time unlocked the doors . I asked him a few questions and soon realized that it was true after all ; people in this region of Canada basically kept to themselves and let the rest of the world worry about itself . His most poignant comment was , " If you want to find out something from Calabogie , well then , you better get on up there and figure it out . " When I commented back that he had been so helpful before , he merely replied that this had been because the info he gave me was about Clyde Forks . That was in Lanark County , and Calabogie most certainly was not . At least that gave me a better idea of what " local " meant to people in this area . He did give me directions and I spent a little over an hour on a scenic drive in a generally northern direction , stopping when I passed White Lake to admire the beauty of the area . Arriving around noon in Calabogie , I was impressed by even more beautiful scenery . The road I drove in on paralleled the Madawaska River which then spills into Calabogie Lake . The area , despite some surrounding shops and houses , seemed untouched by most of the other usual intrusions of larger city life . It was quiet and peaceful , filled with trees and summer flowers , slightly warm but with a erratic breeze blowing around the edges of the lake . I took a few minutes to admire it all as I thought about how to proceed . The clerk gave me a rather piercing look as she replied . " What do you want to know about that for , eh ? " She shook her light brown , curly hair , raised her drawn - in eyebrows and placed a hand on her right hip . It was not a friendly pose . I raised my hands up slightly , trying to lighten the tension . " Sorry , I surrender . I 'm not trying to stir anything up . I just was wondering what happened , that 's all . " " Why would you be wondering about it , then ? I figure the ones that should be wondering are the parents and police . Not strangers . " Her look this time was tinted with suspicion . " Unless you got something to gain by it , or know something about it yourself ? " The fact that I knew another town in the area seemed to lessen her hostility a little , although she did keep stepping backward , keeping the distance between us at about thirty feet even as I approached the counter . Eventually she was backed up against the wall , right next to a battered wooden door that seemed to open into an office . She called to someone through that door . " He 's asking about that McNeville boy that went missing last year . And he 's up to some kind of detective work over in Clyde Forks . " Having made that announcement she stepped quickly into the office and slammed the door shut . Carl grimaced and shrugged . " Don 't be too put off my Martha . She sees quite a bit of danger around here these days , since that boy went missing , I suppose . It took us all a little of guard , ya know what I mean , eh ? " Carl proceeded to tell me about a blonde , five year old boy who had disappeared while fishing with his family at a small lake just a little west of Calabogie . From what he told me it seemed as though the boy had disappeared into thin air , there one minute and gone just a few minutes later when his father went to look for him . Not a trace had been left anywhere in the area , including at the spot he was seen to be standing right before he disappeared . A massive police search had been undertaken but nothing had ever come of it . According to Carl , people in the area were of two distinct and separate mindsets . Carl shook his head . " I 'm no detective , and surely no one ever asked me my opinion . At least , no police or anyone like that . But I 've told plenty of folks what I think . If someone took him , it was someone from around here . " He sighed when he finished and ran his hand through his hair again . Then he looked at me . Posted on April 9 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply It was still early in the day but I decided to retreat to the motel for the remainder of it , both to ponder all of the mystery I seemed to be caught up in and also to figure out what I was going to do next . My financial situation was still precarious and would be getting critical fairly soon . After checking in , once again to what was becoming my usual room , I placed the small metal car on top of the banged up dresser and sat down to think . Where was I at ? I knew I had plenty of speculation running through my mind , but what real facts were there at this point ? I wrote this in my journal that day : Looking at that list I felt one thing very strongly - you do not know much , do you ? Basically , I seemed to have uncovered that Clyde Forks was a strange place , one that few people wanted to move to and where few children were born . It was populated by people who fit my idea of odd , but who may very well have been perfectly normal . Some of those people held strange ideas , all unsupported by actual corroborating evidence , and they did not seem very receptive to outsiders . That was hardly a basis for all of my fascination with this place . But then , I had definitely heard that child , a youngster that no one seemed to want to talk about , and who remained hidden from me . It was all a tantalizingly elusive mystery , one I decided I could not resist . With that decision though , came the need to make some more money , so I slept in the remainder of that day and night , and headed out to Almonte in the morning . It was not a large place but it was definitely a more centralized town , one where a person could expect to find some work . The location was picturesque as it sat right on the Mississippi River ( not the same as the one that cuts through the United States ) and the winding bends of the river gave the area a lazy and comfortable feeling . I went around to the various small stores and other businesses and soon had picked up a job helping to unload shipping containers . I spent a week that way , working fourteen hour days and collapsing into a bed at a shabby motel outside of the town at night . Almost everyone that I worked with had some version of my " on the road , in need of money " story and they all seemed to be from places far away from Almonte . It was on my last day of work , a cool Tuesday filled with drizzle and an occasional strong wind , that I finally ended up working with someone who had grown up in the area . It had really not been my intention to get into the whole reason I was working , or what I was doing in Clyde Forks , but the man I was teamed up with was a real talker and drew it out of me . He was tall , maybe six foot seven , and had the look of someone who did a lot of hard labor . He had a face etched by wind and sun , big forearms covered in tattoos of various women 's names and a casual but determined manner , like unloading the Titanic by himself would not be a big deal but he was going to take his time doing it . I resisted his repeated inquires into my situation for a few hours but then told him the whole story , partly because I wanted to but also so he would stop talking about his various , and colorful , past experiences . They were fascinating but inevitably vulgar and over - dramatized . This time he shrugged . " Thirty miles is a long way in these parts . It wouldn 't have made the news over here . Maybe check up in Calabogie . " With that he moved on , starting up another story , this time about " that god - damned gypsy traitor Fallon . " Copyright Notice © Jack Mesenbourg and A Raconteur 's Refuge , 2011 - 2017 . Unauthorized use and / or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog 's author and / or owner is strictly prohibited . Excerpts and links may be used , provided that full and clear credit is given to Jack Mesenbourg and A Raconteur 's Refuge with appropriate and specific direction to the original content . Top Posts & Pages A Faraway Song ( Part 30 ) Copyright Notice © Jack Mesenbourg and A Raconteur 's Refuge , 2011 - 2017 . Unauthorized use and / or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog 's author and / or owner is strictly prohibited . Excerpts and links may be used , provided that full and clear credit is given to Jack Mesenbourg and A Raconteur 's Refuge with appropriate and specific direction to the original content . |
Posted on June 25 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply That is where I left it all of those years ago , taking with me a head full of questions , a real feeling of having left things unresolved and that little toy car as a memento of my adventure . I had left reluctantly but also had sensed the danger I was in , a strange feeling that I would have thought impossible to experience in the civilized world . On my long drive back to my regular life I had vowed to go back at some point and keep seeking answers , much more brave as the distance between myself and Clyde Forks increased . I never did of course , life taking over and the pressing need to solve the mystery fading softly away . I would go back to it occasionally , usually triggered by some other event in my life , but it always seemed very distant and remote , all the burning questions consumed by time . I would dream about Clyde Forks sometimes , or some member of the cast of characters I had met , or stay up an extra few minutes wondering about my experience up there . Most of the time I found it hard to believe I had been so wrapped up in it , or so convinced of a great conspiracy . It was a just an innocent small town , weird for sure , but innocent . Listening to that podcast brought everything back in a wave of memory and those old events suddenly seemed much clearer than before . That led me to digging through a pile of old boxes until I found the journal I had kept on that trip . Sitting down and reading it left me with those questions I posed at the beginning of this story . How could I have just left and stopped looking into what happened up there ? And , what did it all have to do with this missing boy ? Posted on June 18 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply I heard a faint sound to my left and realized that Mabel was speaking , much too lowly for me to hear . I knelt down by the side of her chair , trying to catch what she was saying . She had a sad but defiant look on her face and was staring not at me , but at the reverend . I think she realized I had not heard her as she cleared her throat and resumed speaking a little more loudly , more like a loud whisper now . " So , you are going to be part of this cover - up too ? " I asked her . " Why did you bother to help me then , to give me the clue about the red crow ? That 's a big part of what got me tangled up in this in the first place . Why ? " " Listen , it 's really time for you to go . Like Mabel said earlier , we got you a few answers , not many and not all of them that you wanted I know , but a few . That 's all you 're likely to get . You have to leave . " I stood there , feeling unfulfilled , and staring out through the window into the church parking lot . This little bit of information only seemed to make the remaining questions seem even more important , more urgent . I really believed that a child was being hidden in this community but at the same time I had no definitive reason to believe that anything illegal had taken place . Who was this child , and to whom did it belong ? What was the exact nature of this supposed evil presence in the area ? Was it real or the fantasy of a heartbroken old man ? Or was it something else ? There did not seem to be anyone willing to help me figure these things out . And then there were a bunch of other questions , much smaller and less important , but they still made me feel crazy to think of them going unanswered . Maybe this place really did just have a much different way of living , of acting and of protecting its children . Perhaps the evil did not exist at all , or was just an exaggerated myth . It could be that I had managed to stumble into the quirkiest place in the world . It just all seemed so strange and weird . " Reverend , what else do you know about this place . You claim to know nothing but then you seem to have some information . You tell me that you just got here , even Otto called you a , I think it was a placeholder , but then you knew to come and rescue me today . You make vague allusions to other things you might know . " I made sure he was looking at me before I finished . " What are you really doing here ? " He smiled at me . " I 'm an outsider here , just like Otto said . I might know a few things , information passed down from the religious men who were here before me , but mostly I 'm just observant . That and curious . " He winked at me and gave a very small laugh . " I belong here , or at least I am part of the fabric and culture of this place . They expect one temporary religious man to always be present . You 're not part of it , and there is nothing that can change that . I 'm sure you 're not satisfied but it really is time to go . If it makes you feel better , remember this though as you leave . This talk today , it helped me too , gave me a little closure on my own experience at the mine . I guess her spirit must still be there . I think that is going to help me a lot . So thank you for that . Now , go and forget about this place , and please don 't talk about it . Give this place it 's peace . I 'll watch the kaleidoscope up here for you . " He made the twisting motion with his hands and opened the door . " You 'll be safe getting to your truck . Otto might be mad at you but he 'll be watching and won 't let any harm come to you . " " Son , your little temporary adventure is over . It 's time to go . " His voice conveyed a feeling of finality and also of warning . I shook my head but stepped out the door . It had just about closed behind me when I pushed it back with my hand . I peered inside and spoke to Mabel . " So , when I was talking to him he said that six people had gone missing , or maybe it was seven . " I stopped and tried going back in my memory , sticking up my fingers as I recounted the individuals in my head . Then I continued . " Ok , well , I think he said six , but then it was seven , and well , either way , there was always one that he didn 't want to talk about . " " Well , I don 't know exactly what he told you about but it was probably mostly about them people he was related to . Some miner was the first , his brother , just vanished one day right as they were closing up the camp around the mine . Then another couple of miners , or laborers maybe , one of them was his uncle . And crazy Hattie of course , that was his sister . " " Bat - shit crazy woman who used to wander around this area , muttering to herself , stripping off clothes and setting them on fire , walking around naked after that . Your friend from the house was forever bringing her clothes but she 'd just end up burning them again a few days later or tearing them to shreds . I never did figure out how she ever survived a winter , but she did , quite a few actually . But then one day he found her campsite abandoned , no trace of her around , then or ever . " Mabel reached over and touched my arm , giving Otto a cautionary look as she did so . " More people than that have turned up missing , and I 'm sure they included those other ones you mentioned . I think Otto was just telling you that there were three relatives that disappeared and that is what started the whole evil presence thing . " " What about the one that he refused to talk about ? I tried a couple of times but he never told me . Do you know about that person ? " " Please , let 's just get this done with , okay ? I don 't think that a little more information here is going to hurt . Please . " " It was a girl , one that was living with him . A relative had dropped the child off one day and then never came back . She was … ' " he went silent without finishing , a faraway look in his eyes . " She was ours , all of ours . He couldn 't take care of her right , well not right exactly , just completely , like she should have been taken care of . He was too old . So we all helped look after her . She was ours , a child for this place . Ours . " I did not think he was finished , and he did continue several moments later . " Then , one day , she was gone . Not a sign of her anywhere except this doll she played with , a golden - haired doll with a pink dress . " Otto clenched his eyes closed , tightly , and shook his head . I glanced over at Mabel , who was not hiding her tears . The reverend was wide - eyed and staring intently at Otto and I . " That doll , they found it on the path to the mine . And that 's all I know and all you need to know . Now leave ! " Which is what Otto did , slamming the office door behind him . The reverend leaned back and let out a very large sigh . " Well , I can 't say I expected any of that . What a story . Is it true ? " He asked this while looking at Mabel , who had still not bothered to clean up her face . " Not really . I 'm sorry , but it isn 't . The thing I really want to know is who lives in that house with , well , the guy I call Brown Suit ? " " I 'm not sure anyone does son . Maybe it 's just your imagination , maybe you are a little too wrapped up in this whole thing that you see as such a mystery . Don 't you think that you might just be making that part up ? " " No , I don 't . I felt like someone else was there when I was in the house , and I heard it later with my own ears . I heard a child , right here , right on that street back there , " I replied while pointing back in the direction of Cemetery Road . " What is the big secret here ? " " Yes . But that 's got nothing to do with any of the matter you are so worked up about . She was just a missing girl and I saw her in a car . " Mabel cut me off . " Listen , it 's not relevant as Otto already said . We 'll get you a few answers , but it will likely be a very few and you shouldn 't waste them on that Wilson girl . Otto here is a good man but protective of this place . " She had a kind look on her face but the tone in her voice was less friendly , much more matter - of - fact . I took her suggestion to heart and spent a minute trying to compose my thoughts . He looked over at the reverend , then at me and then at the floor before answering . " I 'll answer , maybe . You need to leave here , that 's what I think , just leave now and don 't bother us again . These two seem to think otherwise , like we owe you something . If it 'll get rid of you , I 'll answer … maybe . Why do you think we should help him anyway , reverend ? " The reverend leaned forward . " Because I 'm sure we don 't want to have anything unfortunate happen here and I think if you give him a few simple answers , well that will be enough to satisfy his curiosity . Then he can go in peace and we all go back to our regular lives . " " Who lives with Brown Suit ? " All I received was a blank look . I was about to get angry when I realized that my nicknames for these people were known only to me . " Ok , listen , nobody around here will tell me their name , or at least most people won 't . I don 't know why , but it seems to be a thing . I just figured her name out when the reverend said it . " Mabel looked back at me but did not offer to add anything . " So , I have nicknames for people . That guy at the end of the road , the house with the big tree down in the yard ? " Otto nodded in reply , so I figured that meant he understood who I was talking about . He , of course , did not offer me a name to use , so I went back to nicknames . " I call him Brown Suit . So , who lives with him ? " " This is not going to work . I 'm going back to my truck . " I stood up but the reverend waved me back down . " Take it easy . Remember that this information you want , well it really isn 't any of your business although you seem to have made it that way . I 'm trying to get you a few answers but you need to be patient . Maybe start with something else ? " " I mean , Brown Suit told me that a bunch of people have disappeared from this area . He believes that the mine is haunted by some evil thing , a presence that , well , I guess he believes it lives in this area . He thinks it travels around and he follows it , trying to feed this thing his rabbits . " I was met with silence which I thought meant they did not understand what I was saying so I added , " you know , so that the evil thing eats the rabbits instead of people . He thinks it feeds on life energy or something like that and that he can substitute rabbits for people because all life has this energy . " More silence followed that , which is when I realized that it was because I was not telling them anything they did not already know . It was just the silence of people listening to a well - known story . Otto looked over at me , waited a few moments and then spoke . " A few people went missing , sure they did . People go missing from all over . That 's not what 's making him believe in evil things . He believes in that because of who goes missing . " Several minutes later I was sitting in the church office once again , this time with Eyebrows in a chair across from me , fanning herself with a copy of a religious magazine . I felt very tired and was fighting to keep my attention on the moment as a long nap sounded like a much better option . The reverend stayed near the door , staring out the window for five minutes before joining us . He sat down heavily in his chair and rubbed his hand across his forehead . Eyebrows got up immediately , casting a hard look his way and muttering , " we all need something to drink , don 't you think ? " under her breath . She returned with a tray full of glasses and a pitcher of ice water , pouring one for each of us . I had just started to drink when a sharp knock sounded from the door , startling me enough to make me choke . Eyebrows looked at the reverend who had stood up so he could see out the small window . " It 's Otto . I wondered if he might show up . It 'll be okay . " He gave us both a small , reassuring smile and then let the man in . I turned to look and my weariness left me . It was Window Man . Up close he still looked pale but not grey , which had been my initial impression of him . His skin was actually almost translucent and waxy in appearance . When I had run past him earlier I had caught a closer glimpse of his eyes which seemed to be shiny and less green than I had first thought them to be . Now I saw that they were actually green with gold flecks that made them glow even in the subdued light of the church office . He was not wearing his hat but had on a grey vest with a red feather partially sticking out of the watch pocket . He spoke through thin , dark lips . " I 'm here to give you a simple message young man , not from those people down the road as I figure you got their message loud and clear . This one is just from me . You need to leave before you do some real harm to this community , or something happens to you . Do you understand me ? " His voice was high - pitched and raspy . " I 'm not here to harm anyone . I just came here to check out a stupid old abandoned mine and got tangled up in all of this weirdness you have around here . I 'm just trying to figure out what 's going on . " " This place may seem strange to you , but it 's just outside of your life experience . Things here are just as normal for us as they have always been . " As he finished he looked over at the reverend , then waved at Eyebrows . " It figures you two would be the ones to come save this fella . You two outsiders … " His voice trailed off , but then it came back , in the middle of a sentence which had obviously started in his head . " … understand a damn thing about this place . " Eyebrows snorted before replying . " Don 't you be telling me who 's an outsider , Otto Clements . I 've been here plenty long enough to see very clearly what this place is , its beauty and its flaws . Plenty of both , don 't ya think ? " " You got nothing to say about who should or shouldn 't know things about this place . You 're just another damn religious place - holder doing your turn in the woods . Stay out of what you don 't understand . " " I 'm really trying to help you Otto , help you save your community as I think you just put it . I know that you are the only one I have ever seen around here , other than Mabel , " and here he gestured toward Eyebrows , " that has shown any kindness to strangers that have passed through Clyde Forks . That 's why I thought you might show up after what just happened out there . And I also know that you aren 't a violent man and don 't want to see any kind of mob action take place here in this community that you care about so much . So , let me help you get this young man on his way . " I spoke up before the reverend could reply . " You think all these missing people are just normal ? You think that hiding children is some kind of innocent weirdness that I don 't understand ? I 'm going to get some answers or . " I stopped before finishing , as " die trying " seemed like a very bad choice of words given the earlier events . " Well , I 'm going to figure it out . " I finished with that instead . She nodded and left the room as the reverend turned to Window Man . " Otto , I know you mean well and that 's why I thought you might follow us here . You know as well as I , honestly much better than I , that there are things about this place which would probably strike any rational person as strange . At least , anyone who did not come from here . A lot of those things have simple explanations that are much more innocent than they might appear . I think we can clear up this matter a little bit for this young man and then get him safely on his way . Can you help me with that ? " As Otto silently considered that , my brain was trying to figure out why his name sounded familiar . Eyebrows , or Mabel as I now knew her to be , returned and set a chair directly behind him . He was sitting down when it came to me . Posted on May 7 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply I eyed each person as I approached them , my stomach turning in nervous anticipation of unknown possibilities , looking for any sign of immediate danger . The first person I passed I had not seen before , a stocky , dark - haired man with a fat face and thick forearms that stuck out of the torn - off sleeves on a faded plaid shirt . He grunted with every breath , his nostrils flaring and sweat running down his forehead . Then came a couple I was also unfamiliar with , both of whom glowered at me from behind identical pairs of horn - rimmed glasses . Than Mr . Overalls and a short , thin woman with a ruddy face and poorly dyed , but very bright red hair . He stomped a foot down as I approached , causing me to jump , which seemed to amused Red Hair . Another man , greasy and grimy from top to bottom , emerged from the auto parts garage behind them and spat in my direction . A few more steps up the road stood what I figured to be my real threat . Shotgun and the man standing with him . It could not have been his father , as I had learned he was dead , but maybe an uncle or other close relative . They looked remarkably similar , and equally threatening . I have to admit that I almost lost my nerve at that point , almost turned and ran back toward Brown Suit , back down the gauntlet of people who seemed like friends compared to what I now expected to encounter . A brief wave of nausea passed over me and I clenched my mouth , purposely biting my tongue to give me something else to think about . The billowing colors up near Clyde Forks Road caught my eye again and now I could see that it was Eyebrows who was standing with the reverend . Would she really let something happen to me ? Would these people actually do something terrible to me with those two watching them ? Were the reverend and Eyebrows even on my side , or were they simply the final part of this community action ? I was not sure but thought it a bad sign that neither her nor the reverend seemed willing to walk down the road to be with me . I resumed walking , a quiver in my knees , taking four steps before Shotgun moved the weapon from its resting place in his arms and leveled it at the ground off to my right . It did not move from there as I approached him and the man who was with him did not move either . Both sets of their eyes locked with mine and the message was clear . Don 't come down this road again . As I passed them , Shotgun starting swinging the weapon , keeping it aimed at the road just a little bit behind me . I could feel my stomach clenching and I was soaked in sweat by the time I had moved twenty feet further . Finally the weapon stopped tracking my progress and a wave of relief swept over me . I paused , bending over to rest my hands on my knees . Before I could think about it , I promptly threw up in the road , my mind taking that moment to be worried about what kind of impression that was leaving on these people . Wiping my mouth , I glanced back and saw the man next to Shotgun start to move the weapon off of his hip . I took off running immediately and did not stop the rest of the way , passing about ten other people at whom I did not even look . As I approached the sinking brick house , the last one on the road , I noticed that Window Man was there , leaning on his mail box but seemingly noncommittal about being involved in delivering the community 's message to me . He settled for a short nod in my direction and then turned back toward his house . Ten feet later I staggered to a stop in front of the reverend and Eyebrows and sunk to the ground , breathing heavily . The two of them were silent as I recovered , my breathing finally settling down although a tremor remained in my body , some residual effect of the fear I had felt coming up Cemetery Road . Finally , about three minutes after I had collapsed , Eyebrows reached down and took my arm , a gust of wind swirling her multi - colored shawl around my face . With a little extra effort I managed to stand up and she kept hold of me , guiding me out of the intersection and east toward the church . I could hear the reverend a few paces behind us , his shoes crunching against the road gravel . I started to protest . " Just let me , well , ok , I guess . " It did seem like a good idea to get inside somewhere safe . " What the hell , sorry , heck , was that all about anyway ? " We were almost out of the intersection of the two roads , and I turned my head quickly to look at my tormentors one more time . The shawl was still swirling in the breeze and I had to reach up with my left hand and push it away . I felt better , just a little bit defiant , making up for my fear I suppose , and I thought about flipping the bird to the people who had made me feel that way . As I pulled the shawl down , ready to face them , I was surprised to see that Cemetery Road was empty . Posted on April 30 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply I stayed there for a few minutes , feeling confused but safe in the embrace of the building . No wonder people seek out churches for refuge or sanctuary , as they do seem to have a sense of security embedded within their walls . I was tempted to stay , to maybe curl up in a pew and take a nap , but my curiosity got me moving . When I finally stood up to leave I had no better idea of what I was planning to do next than I had when I first sat down , but I was determined to keep trying to solve this mystery . By the time I had walked back to my truck it was too late to get anything else done that day . The afternoon had slipped into early evening and the buzz of insects , finally able to emerge from their daytime hiding places , filled the air . I set up my sleeping bag in the bed of my truck and then sat on the tailgate , rubbing myself up with insect repellent . I had just kicked off one boot when I heard it . A shout , youthful and excited , the kind of yelp small children give when opening a present or being given a puppy . It rang out as clear as a church bell on a still afternoon , and seemed to echo a little in the surrounding trees . Then there was a loud , thick bang , like a heavy piece of lumber falling onto cement , and then silence . By that time I was running down the road , one boot sloppily tied up and hindering my speed . I had no doubt about the direction that shout had come from , right down Cemetery Road , right from the house at the end . By the time I reached the edge of Brown Suit 's driveway , all was quiet and still . I could not even hear the insects anymore , but that was likely due to my pounding heart , which had the sound of blood booming in my ears . After a few deep breaths I marched up to the door and started banging on it , yelling for someone to open it up . When that got no response I walked around toward the rabbit enclosure and ran right into Brown Suit who seemed to be waiting for me . He stood there , taking up more space than it seemed possible , blue eyes flashing with anger but also tinged with apprehension . He put out one arm toward me . " I heard it , you know I did , I , you . " I stopped and took a few deep breaths , trying to compose myself and recover the ability to speak complete sentences . Brown Suit 's arm remained outstretched . " I heard that child again , it came from here , I know it did . You know it did . " " What about all of those toys back there , " I shouted , pointing toward the area behind the Red Crow barn , " and the bike , what about that ? " I started to move , to try to go around him but something about his posture told me that he was not going to let me pass , no matter what sacrifice it cost him . He was old and I should not have had a problem just pushing my way past , but in that moment it just did not seem possible . By then I had also managed to realize that I was definitely acting foolishly , trespassing on private property , yelling accusations at an old man , and even thinking about forcing my way further onto his property . I settled for a final threat . " I know you have a child here , and I 've been to Calabogie . " I was not sure as I spoke what I exactly meant by the last part of my threat . I did not have any definitive information tying that missing boy to this mystery , but then I did not have anything excluding him either . I guess I was trying to get some kind of reaction out of the old man but he remained silent , his facial expression unchanged . They all stood there , right at the end of their respective driveways , silently looking at me . Most of their arms were crossed and none of them looked friendly . Shotgun had his favorite weapon cradled in the crook of his arm , and next to him stood an older man who had a similar weapon propped into the air against his right hip . I looked behind me and Brown Suit had not moved , although his arm was down and his eyes now seemed amused . His lips did not move but I heard him . I moved slowly down his driveway and then stopped at the end of it , eyeing the assembled residents of Cemetery Road warily . I felt like my next step , off of Brown Suit 's property , represented some kind of boundary that I was not sure I wanted to cross . It was strange to think of his property as somewhere safe , or at least safer than what I might encounter once I stepped off of it . The sounds of the insects were back even though my heart was now pounding just as hard as it had been before . The buzzing seemed louder than it should have been , insistent and ominous , and was effecting my ability to think straight . Shadows were creeping into the road , the tips of garages and trees making shapes against the gravel . I was frozen in place and the journey back to my truck seemed like a very long one . I saw some movement up toward Clyde Forks Road and after a few moments realized it was Reverend Currie and someone else whom I could not make out . He stood directly in the middle of the road , hands clasped behind his back , looking right at me . The person next to him seemed to change shape , some billowing of various colors caught up in a breeze I could not feel where I stood . I was not sure what his presence meant for me , but it did help to get me moving . I took a minute to re - tie my boot and then stepped off , my right foot seeming to be in slow motion , and moved off of Brown Suit 's property . Posted on April 23 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply " I , I , well … , " my voice trailed off as I fought for an answer . I felt a little overwhelmed in that moment , and also not completely sure how much of my suspicions to share with this man . I had spilled my story to my co - worker at the loading dock in Almonte , but that did not seem the same as this current situation . Here I had a community of people who had indeed lost a small child and seemed to be pretty well spooked by it . Some version less than the truth seemed to be appropriate . " It 's that Jenny Wilson girl , have you heard about her ? " Carl shook his head in response and I told him the story , along with the fact that she may have been seen in a car around Clyde Forks after she was reported missing . My explanation seemed to satisfy Carl , who was telling me he was sorry he could not be of more help to me , when Martha opened the office door and peeked out . " Don 't let him lie to you Carl . He asked me about a missing boy , not no missing girl . He 's up to something , something no good I 'll wager . " She banged the door shut and Carl , forehead wrinkled in thought , turned to me . Caught in my own rushed lie , I shrugged and quickly walked out of the store . By the time I was back in my truck and driving down the street back the way I had come in , there were three rather unfriendly looking men standing with Carl outside of the bait shop . Feeling more afraid than I wanted to admit , I sped off and drove straight back to my spot at the intersection of Clyde Forks and Cemetery Road . It was mid - afternoon by then and much warmer than it had been in Calabogie . The woods seemed to keep the heat trapped near the road and there was no breeze present to stir it up or move it along . It was much too hot to sit around in my truck so I wandered aimlessly down Clyde Forks Road , my mind churning through ideas but not paying much attention to where I was going . When I finally realized where I was , Reverend Currie was staring back at me from the front steps of the church . His arms were folded across his chest but he smiled when I looked over at him and then waved a hand , beckoning me forward . I guess our previous interaction over the bottle of whiskey had not dampened his general hospitality . I followed him into the church and sat down in a pew , the reverend one row in front of me and turned halfway , his left arm hanging over the back . I had been in the foyer before and the office , but never all the way into the small main congregation area . It was brighter than I had expected , an airy feeling accompanied by a quiet , peaceful vibe . There were not any stained glass windows but there were still some fanciful displays of reflected sunlight on the walls from the skylight over the altar . " Good to see you again , " he began , " and my apologies for the other day . Not my best moment . It 's a bit of a dark side that I have , a personal demon . " I nodded my forgiveness , although I was not sure if he meant the drinking or the memory of the voice in the mine . Or maybe it was both . " I get it and I 'll leave it alone . Maybe I pushed too hard . I seem to be getting a little bit obsessed with this whole thing . I could tell whatever it was that happened in that mine , well , it spooked you pretty good . " He nodded back slowly , rubbing some light stubble on his face . " Yeah , it did . " There was a short pause , his eyes reflective and faraway , but then he was back in the moment . " So , what have you been doing since then ? I haven 't seen you around in a while and I figured we had all scared you off . " He gave a rueful smile as he finished . He did not reply for a few moments , staring back intently but silently at me . He whispered , " I tell you what I can , but you need to be careful , " before falling silent again . It was not a very satisfying statement but he did not seem inclined to elaborate . Finally he slapped his hand lightly on the back of the pew and asked me for a few more details on Jenny Wilson . I told him everything I had been able to find out and when I was done he shook his head . I waited . " Are you sure ? " I could hear the disappointment in my own voice . I had begun to think of my research into her story as a real piece of detective work , one that would help clear up at least some part of the mystery . The reverend was sure . " No way that voice belonged to anyone older than seven years old . " He sighed and continued . " It would have been nice though , if it had been , I would have known some more of the story anyway . And you found a missing girl that , well , it could have been her for sure , except for the age . Flower Station Road isn 't too far from here … , " his voice trailed off . " Evil exists , everywhere . " The reverend 's eyes were very intense as he spoke , his voice climbing a little in volume . " It takes different forms , acts in different ways , reveals itself at odd times and through strange vehicles . And people perceive all of those manifestations differently , through their own kaleidoscope is how I always put it . So , I 'm sure something evil exists around here . What do you see ? " His question took me aback for a few seconds as I had not expected to be asked to evaluate the idea of evil myself , or how it might apply to Clyde Forks . I thought he would be the expert in that area . I stayed silent and he repeated his question , this time holding his hands in front of his face , twisting an invisible kaleidoscope . Then he leaned over , squeezed my shoulder and spoke . " Beware of that image of evil , it shifts and changes , broken apart into small little glimmers of mismatched information . You need to see what it is before the picture comes into focus . " With that , he walked out the back door . Posted on April 17 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply At the end of that day , I slept one last time at the motel in Almonte and woke the next morning determined to chase down this new lead . I was not certain that I believed my tall co - worker 's assertion that people in the immediate area would not know about something that happened a mere thirty miles away . Perhaps I was just getting conspiracy - minded as I tried to solve this mystery about Clyde Forks . In any event I made the library my first stop , pulling into the small parking lot about ten minutes before it opened . When it did , the same thin , pale librarian with the green eyes who I had dealt with last time unlocked the doors . I asked him a few questions and soon realized that it was true after all ; people in this region of Canada basically kept to themselves and let the rest of the world worry about itself . His most poignant comment was , " If you want to find out something from Calabogie , well then , you better get on up there and figure it out . " When I commented back that he had been so helpful before , he merely replied that this had been because the info he gave me was about Clyde Forks . That was in Lanark County , and Calabogie most certainly was not . At least that gave me a better idea of what " local " meant to people in this area . He did give me directions and I spent a little over an hour on a scenic drive in a generally northern direction , stopping when I passed White Lake to admire the beauty of the area . Arriving around noon in Calabogie , I was impressed by even more beautiful scenery . The road I drove in on paralleled the Madawaska River which then spills into Calabogie Lake . The area , despite some surrounding shops and houses , seemed untouched by most of the other usual intrusions of larger city life . It was quiet and peaceful , filled with trees and summer flowers , slightly warm but with a erratic breeze blowing around the edges of the lake . I took a few minutes to admire it all as I thought about how to proceed . The clerk gave me a rather piercing look as she replied . " What do you want to know about that for , eh ? " She shook her light brown , curly hair , raised her drawn - in eyebrows and placed a hand on her right hip . It was not a friendly pose . I raised my hands up slightly , trying to lighten the tension . " Sorry , I surrender . I 'm not trying to stir anything up . I just was wondering what happened , that 's all . " " Why would you be wondering about it , then ? I figure the ones that should be wondering are the parents and police . Not strangers . " Her look this time was tinted with suspicion . " Unless you got something to gain by it , or know something about it yourself ? " The fact that I knew another town in the area seemed to lessen her hostility a little , although she did keep stepping backward , keeping the distance between us at about thirty feet even as I approached the counter . Eventually she was backed up against the wall , right next to a battered wooden door that seemed to open into an office . She called to someone through that door . " He 's asking about that McNeville boy that went missing last year . And he 's up to some kind of detective work over in Clyde Forks . " Having made that announcement she stepped quickly into the office and slammed the door shut . Carl grimaced and shrugged . " Don 't be too put off my Martha . She sees quite a bit of danger around here these days , since that boy went missing , I suppose . It took us all a little of guard , ya know what I mean , eh ? " Carl proceeded to tell me about a blonde , five year old boy who had disappeared while fishing with his family at a small lake just a little west of Calabogie . From what he told me it seemed as though the boy had disappeared into thin air , there one minute and gone just a few minutes later when his father went to look for him . Not a trace had been left anywhere in the area , including at the spot he was seen to be standing right before he disappeared . A massive police search had been undertaken but nothing had ever come of it . According to Carl , people in the area were of two distinct and separate mindsets . Carl shook his head . " I 'm no detective , and surely no one ever asked me my opinion . At least , no police or anyone like that . But I 've told plenty of folks what I think . If someone took him , it was someone from around here . " He sighed when he finished and ran his hand through his hair again . Then he looked at me . Posted on April 9 , 2017 by Jack Mesenbourg Reply It was still early in the day but I decided to retreat to the motel for the remainder of it , both to ponder all of the mystery I seemed to be caught up in and also to figure out what I was going to do next . My financial situation was still precarious and would be getting critical fairly soon . After checking in , once again to what was becoming my usual room , I placed the small metal car on top of the banged up dresser and sat down to think . Where was I at ? I knew I had plenty of speculation running through my mind , but what real facts were there at this point ? I wrote this in my journal that day : Looking at that list I felt one thing very strongly - you do not know much , do you ? Basically , I seemed to have uncovered that Clyde Forks was a strange place , one that few people wanted to move to and where few children were born . It was populated by people who fit my idea of odd , but who may very well have been perfectly normal . Some of those people held strange ideas , all unsupported by actual corroborating evidence , and they did not seem very receptive to outsiders . That was hardly a basis for all of my fascination with this place . But then , I had definitely heard that child , a youngster that no one seemed to want to talk about , and who remained hidden from me . It was all a tantalizingly elusive mystery , one I decided I could not resist . With that decision though , came the need to make some more money , so I slept in the remainder of that day and night , and headed out to Almonte in the morning . It was not a large place but it was definitely a more centralized town , one where a person could expect to find some work . The location was picturesque as it sat right on the Mississippi River ( not the same as the one that cuts through the United States ) and the winding bends of the river gave the area a lazy and comfortable feeling . I went around to the various small stores and other businesses and soon had picked up a job helping to unload shipping containers . I spent a week that way , working fourteen hour days and collapsing into a bed at a shabby motel outside of the town at night . Almost everyone that I worked with had some version of my " on the road , in need of money " story and they all seemed to be from places far away from Almonte . It was on my last day of work , a cool Tuesday filled with drizzle and an occasional strong wind , that I finally ended up working with someone who had grown up in the area . It had really not been my intention to get into the whole reason I was working , or what I was doing in Clyde Forks , but the man I was teamed up with was a real talker and drew it out of me . He was tall , maybe six foot seven , and had the look of someone who did a lot of hard labor . He had a face etched by wind and sun , big forearms covered in tattoos of various women 's names and a casual but determined manner , like unloading the Titanic by himself would not be a big deal but he was going to take his time doing it . I resisted his repeated inquires into my situation for a few hours but then told him the whole story , partly because I wanted to but also so he would stop talking about his various , and colorful , past experiences . They were fascinating but inevitably vulgar and over - dramatized . This time he shrugged . " Thirty miles is a long way in these parts . It wouldn 't have made the news over here . Maybe check up in Calabogie . " With that he moved on , starting up another story , this time about " that god - damned gypsy traitor Fallon . " Copyright Notice © Jack Mesenbourg and A Raconteur 's Refuge , 2011 - 2017 . Unauthorized use and / or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog 's author and / or owner is strictly prohibited . Excerpts and links may be used , provided that full and clear credit is given to Jack Mesenbourg and A Raconteur 's Refuge with appropriate and specific direction to the original content . Top Posts & Pages A Faraway Song ( Part 30 ) Copyright Notice © Jack Mesenbourg and A Raconteur 's Refuge , 2011 - 2017 . Unauthorized use and / or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog 's author and / or owner is strictly prohibited . Excerpts and links may be used , provided that full and clear credit is given to Jack Mesenbourg and A Raconteur 's Refuge with appropriate and specific direction to the original content . |
It seems that if you sing the song Rain , Rain go away enough that the rain will actually go away . : o ) We celebrated this beautiful day with a PICNIC ! Not sure what to tell you about Payton 's pictures . LOL It seems that when I get behind a camera , I disappear . When I tell Payton to look at me she looks everywhere but in my direction . Hmmm . Posted by I did Payton 's hair in double french braids yesterday . Long story short , they didn 't get taken out before she went to bed . So before I put her in the bath this morning I took them out . Her hair was so kinky curly , so funny . I held her up in front of the mirror so that she could see it and she said , " Hey , my hair looks like my teacher 's . " Her nursery teacher at church has very curly hair . It was so funny . I don 't think she has ever connected something like that before . I got Lucaya ( and the boys ) when they were about 2 weeks old . I was working for a bull riding company and was living out on a ranch with the couple that owned the company I worked for . A neighbor brought over these three kittens asking if we needed any mousers . He said he had found their mother dead and didn 't know if they would even make it . That was the beginning of our journey together . They were so tiny and I was immediately very protective of them . Feeding them , caring for them , and constantly rescuing them out of the mouths of the dogs that lived on the ranch . In return , they provided me the comfort and companionship I needed in the abusive atmosphere I lived in . I remember many nights sitting out on the back porch with three little kittens curled up in my lap and tears running down my face . When the chance to leave the ranch presented itself I jumped at the opportunity and took " my babies " with me . I remember my dad saying . " Don 't you dare bring those cats home with you . " Ha ! Ha ! What was I supposed to do ? I couldn 't separate them . Hee ! Hee ! I have come to discover that each animal , like each person , has a unique personality . I described Lucaya many times as that girl in high school that was the most popular and only talked to the " cool " people . Some may have said she was a little snooty . But one thing was always sure , she loved me . My favorite memory of her was when I was still living with my parents . I worked the day shift at Applebee 's as a server . She would wait at the front window for me to come home from work and then when I got home would follow me back to my room and cuddle up to me as I took my afternoon nap . My mom said that if I was ever late or did something after work she would start pacing back and forth between the front window and my room like she was afraid she missed me or something . Dave remembers when he took a step back and accidentally stepped on her tail . He had shoes on and didn 't know he had stepped on her tail , he just froze when she started screaming . Looking back it was hilarious because Dave described her scream as 1 , 000 tea kettles all going at the same time , he just couldn 't figure out what was going on . She had extra toes on each of her feet . In a way she had opposing thumbs . She used to pick up food and eat out of her paw . She would also dip her paw in the water dish and drink the water out of her cupped paw . You could toss a toy to her ( that her claws could grip ) and she would catch it in one paw . I even witnessed her catch a bee in mid air with one paw . Amazing ! : o ) Lucaya proved to be great with kids . She was always very patient with Payton and Lincoln , as well as , all the kids that would come to playdates . She may not have enjoyed all the attention she got from the kids but accepted it graciously . I think the above picture was Dave 's doing . . . He thought it would be funny for her to " nurse " all of Payton 's little animal toys . I guess the cow was late to the party . LOL I could go on and on with fun stories that people have shared with me since her passing . She was an swesome cat . Missy Roo we miss you ! Today was a crappy day . Nothing about it went as I thought it would . I got up this morning expecting to bring home my baby girl and instead spent the afternoon digging her grave . It all started when the animal hospital called me at 8 : 00 am and asked if I was coming to pick up Lucaya . I told them that I was actually just getting ready to call them to see if I was able to come pick her up . That is when they told me that they close at 8 : 00 am and the pick is from 7 : 00 to 7 : 30 am . " What ? No one told me that . " I told them I would be on my way as soon as my father in law could get here to be with Lincoln and Payton . They said the would be there until 9 : 00 . I immediately called to set up an appointment with my regular vet as instructed by the doctor the night before as we would need to get Lucaya on a medication regimen . When I got to the hospital I found out that she wasn 't intended to come home with me and that she was intended to be a transfer . I was told she still had her IV catheter in and that she was due for her pain medication . ( they had been giving it to her every 4 - 6 hours and the last time she had it was 1 : 00 am . ) Why hadn 't they given her any more ? Came home . Picked up the kids and headed down to Gilroy . My friend Aimee was able to watch Payton and Lincoln while I took Lucaya in . As soon as I took Lucaya out of the cage for the technician I knew it wasn 't good . This was a cat in pain , this was not a cat that was improving and ready to go home . The technician took Lucaya 's weight and temp and then left to get the vet who was reviewing her chart . I just started bawling . I knew what he was going to tell me . All I could do was hold her , cry , and tell how sorry I was and how much I loved her . I called my mom and asked her if she could come because I couldn 't do it by myself . I think I also needed my mom to tell me it was OK to let her go . Trying to explain this to Payton has been really hard . When we picked up Payton and Lincoln from Aimee 's house , she got in the car and saw the cat carrier and told my mom the Lucaya was sick and had to go to the doctor . I told her that Lucaya had been very sick and had gone to live with Heavenly Father but that she wasn 't sick anymore and that she was happy . To which she responded , " Oh , she won 't scratch Heavenly Father . " and " Well , when she gets better she can come back to live with us . " I told her that she was not going to be coming back , Payton started bawling saying she wanted her kitty and that she wanted to pet her and give her a kiss to make her feel better . Mom and I started bawling again . Several times through out the day Payton asked about Lucaya and started crying . Each time the conversation taking a little bit of a twist . Last night Dave finally told her that Lucaya had died and that she wasn 't coming back . Payton just stopped and said , " Daddy that 's so silly . . . " Huh ? Called the Animal Hospital this morning to check up on Lucaya . No real change . Medication was helping with her discomfort and she was sitting up and alert . Told me to call back later in the afternoon to talk with the original doctor that had admitted her . Went to church . Very emotional . I don 't want her to be in pain . Am I going to have to put her down ? If not , what is her quality of life going to be ? Get home from church and call the doctor . She says that Lucaya is showing a LITTLE bit of improvement . That she looks to be regaining color in her paw and is moving her leg a little although still not putting wieght on it . She told me that I could come in and visit her and that maybe we could get her to eat . My mom , sister , and I went in to visit her . The cat we saw was very alert and even hobbling around a little . Not at all like she had been the night before . My mom , sister , and I commented that this is not an animal you would look at and think to put to sleep . The doctor said that I could probably take her home in the morning . I was feeling really good . As long as she wasn 't going to be in pain and just gimpy I was OK with that . Left the hospital feeling relieved . And went home to figure out how to make our home ADA compliant for a disabled kitty . : o ) As we were still unsure about whether she would regain full or partial use of her leg . Yes , you heard me right , Gingerbread House . We bought this gingerbread house kit for Christmas and just never got around to putting it together . The kit was set aside and forgotten . Some how Payton found it and asked if we could put it together . Unfortunately , everytime we thought about it it was time for bed . . . After weeks of asking we finally did it . Payton was so excited , the whole time we were working on it . When she gets really excited about something she talks and talks and talks . You get a play by play of what is happening or of what will be happening . It was so cute ! She was even more excited to start eating it . : o ) It isn 't what you think . I am talking about the Emergecy Animal Hospital . About eight o ' clock Saturday evening Dave called out to me that my cat , Lucay , a was under our bed and wouldn 't come out . I heard him telling her to get out and he told me that he couldn 't reach her but nudged her with a backpack that was under the bed to " encourage " her out but it didn 't work . ( Dave is allergic to my cats and they are not allowed in our room . ) I knew when he said that she didn 't move that something was wrong . I went in the bedroom and found that she had moved to the far side of the bed to where I could reach her . I asked , " You OK Lucaya ? " She just looked at me and I could tell something wasn 't right . I took hold of her scruff and slid her toward me so that I could pick her up . It was so weird , I could tell she was uncomfortable , maybe even in pain but she wasn 't hollering like you would expect a pained animal to be . When I set her down in the dinning room I noticed her front right paw was folded under . I thought that looked weird , so reached down to feel it and she really didn 't do anything . I told Dave , " I think something is wrong . Do you think she broke her foot ? leg ? " Again , wouldn 't she be screaming in pain ? Dave went to go get the carrier and I started trying to find someone to come sit at the house with the kiddos . I did not want to go by myself . Unfortunately , no one we tried was available . As it worked out Dave 's family was at the movie accross the street from the hospital and Ashley and Ralph met me over there when the movie was over . I walked into the hospital and told them I thought my cat had broken her leg . Then sat down to wait our turn . I am so glad Ashley was there . She was so calming to me and Lucaya in the moments to come . I took Lucaya out of the carrier in the exam room and the technician instead of saying yup it looks like she has broken her leg asked if she had ever been diagnosed with a heart murmur . I answered , " Nope . " and thought what a funny question . Ashley and I talked about how usually when a cat hurts their leg or foot they lift it up and hers was just dragging limp . That is when we thought maybe she dislocated her shoulder jumping off the cat tower . The doctor came in and did her exam and said that Lucaya had not broken her leg but suspected that she had heart disease and had thrown a blood clot to her front right leg . What ? I asked , " Are you sure ? " She said that Lucaya had a galloping heart rate and that her heart was beating so fast that she could even count her beats , she said that the pads of her limp foot were pale in color and that the foot itself was cool to the touch . My mind is swirling . I knew something was wrong . I wish I had been right with the broken leg . I am not prepared to make any life discisions in regards to Lucaya . Now all of a sudden people are throwing terms like Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy , Congestive Heart Failure , and Aortic Thromboembolism . What is happening ? The doctor confirmed with X - Ray that her right and left atrium were enlarged and her lungs were " dirty " suggesting that she was in the early stages of Congestive Heart Failure . The doctor told me to give her 24 hours to try and pass the clot and regain circulation to her front leg . She said that they would put her on pain killers and medication to prevent further clots from forming . She said the likelyhood that she would throw another clot was high . The Bernal Ward Craft Group was at my house tonight . There was a nice group that came and I had so much fun visiting with eveyone there . I wish I was talented enough to be able to visit and complete a craft at the same time . Ha ! Ha ! I have the same problem when I get together with my friends in Gilroy for Crafty Lady Night . I think of all the time I have gone I have only ever completed two things . My nursing cover and addressing and putting stamps on my Christmas cards ( is that even a craft ? ) . Tonight I watched my friends make a necklace , needle work , scrapbook , and put together quiet books for church . Where is my ability to multitask ? The only thing I multitasked was talking and snacking . LOL I called Payton to come and eat lunch and she came in carrying an old laptop that Dave had given her to play with . I didn 't think anything of it , she always carries that last thing she was playing with to the table . A few minutes later I turn around to this . I went to a pampered chef show that my friend Aimee threw a while back and agreed to throw pampered chef party of my own . The consultant was talking about the different kinds of partys you could hold and mentioned a power cooking show . I have been wanting to get a group together to cook meals in advance for a while now . Don 't know why . Just thought it would be fun . And great for those nights when I have no idea what to cook . : o ) I set it up so that any of my guests could take two meals home with them as well , all they had to do was pay for groceries . I was excited to see that so many of my friends and family were going to be able to come . I went out and bought four , four packs of turkey from costco and all of the other ingredients needed to make the meals for myself and everyone that said they wanted to participate . It started the night before and continued during the day of my party . One by one my friends and family called saying they couldn 't make it for one reason or another . I have to admit that my feelings were hurt . I don 't normally throw things like this because of this reason . I know that things come up that prevent people from being able to do things but my insecureness raises its ugly head and I just " know " that people are cancelling because they don 't like me enough to come or something . Sounds stupid , I know . Whatever . In the end , it was a great night . I had a good time and I think everyone else did as well . I am just glad that it didn 't end up just being me and the consultant and that my fear of ending up with a year 's supply of ground turkey did not come true . : o ) In truth I didn 't even care if anyone bought anything , I just wanted the meals . Ha ! Ha ! I asked Dave the other day if he thought Payton was too young to have a couple of chores and if she wasn 't then what should we have her help with . He didn 't think she was too young and commented that she loves " helping " . We both thought it would be really good for her to help out with setting and clearing the table and maybe even helping to make the dinner with certain meals . I am horrible at remembering to have her do her " responsibilities " . But Dave is pretty good at remembering and is very patient in helping her to do it . She did a really good job setting the table and even helped do the dishes after dinner . I had to take a picture of her drying dishes . It was so cute . She just looks so small , too small to be doing it . I love it ! Happy Birthday Mom ! My mother spent the day with my grandmother taking care of Payton , Lincoln , Caeden , and Maddix while eveyone else helped Jen and Anthony moved into their new place . I imagine this was not exactly how my mother would have choosen to spend her birthday , but she did it graciously . I know it wasn 't easy on her especially with her recent injuries . Thank you for all you do . I hope the kiddos at least behaved themselves . : o ) Yes , you did hear me right . Jen and Anthony found a great place to live ! Yay ! It is a way cute house in an awesome neighborhood in Willow Glen . The landlords have done a wonderful job keeping up this home and I am so excited that Jen and Anthony were able to find it . I hope they have nothing but good experiences with this home . After we got all of Jen and Anthony 's things moved over to the house we stopped for a little birthday dinner for my mother . Unfortuantely , she is very restricted in what she can eat so we couldn 't really take her out for dinner . She forsaw this and had prepared her own little meal in advance . The rest of us got Hawiian BBQ take out . Yummy ! After dinner my mom and grandma along with the kids wanted to see Jen and Anthony 's new place so we all headed out for the showing . Everyone loved the place and it was so cute to see how excited Caeden and Payton were with Caeden 's new room . We all visited for a little bit and headed home . When we walked in we found a big puddle of water on the floor next to the dinning room slider door and water leaking in from the top of the door and through the molding . Ahhh ! Maybe I should go back a little and explain that it had been raining ALL day . We thought we had had this leak fixed . . . I guess not . Dave spent 20 minutes out on a ladder in our atrium , in the rain . He was soaked and not a happy camper when he came back in . I guess we are back to square one . Where is the water getting in ? Tonight Dave and I attended a Chorale concert that Dave 's mom , Michelle , sang in . Each concert has had a theme of sorts and this one was broadway . They did a really nice job and I really enjoyed the concert . Some of the songs I recognized and sang along with in my head , like the song from Le Miserable . Other songs were familiar but I could only associate them with the toilet paper commercial it was used in . Ha ! Ha ! Payton , Lincoln , and I were out in the courtyard having a picnic and enjoying the nice weather . Then I hear the words , " Mommy , I have to go potty ! " Payton is to the point that she can go into the bathroom and get started on her own she just needs help " finishing up " . So I told her to go in and get started and I would be in in a minute . As I walked into the bathroom my eyes immedeately went to a suspicious pile on the floor , then splatters on the front of the toilet , and lastly splatters on the shower curtain . Where do I even start ? Yuck ! This morning I was giving Lincoln a bath in the bottom of my shower . We have one of those shower heads with a hose so I can bring the sprayer down and spray the kids off . The sprayer also has a switch to let you have a softer spray or a harder spray . Usually I use the soft spray when bathing the kiddos , if I set the sprayer down to wash their hair or something it has just enough power to make a short little fountain , nothing crazy . Just as I was finishing up I switched the sprayer to " high power " and without even thinking I set it down . . . That sprayer started spraying all over but mostly at my face . I must have looked rediculous , arms straight out in front of me with the stream of water hitting me in the face while I am screaming trying to grab that shower head . Poor Lincoln didn 't know whether to cry or laugh . My dad called me this afternoon and told me that he was in the ER with my mom . She tripped out in the driveway and her head hit the pavement . My dad was really worried that she broke her jaw because of the way her face was swelling . After many hours in the ER they were happy to report that she had no broken bones . Unfortunately because of her medication allergies , all she can take is asprin . Ouch ! Tonight my friend Britney had a " Bachelor Party " and invited a bunch of ladies over to watch the final rose ceremony . My sister and I went over and had so much fun watching Bachelor , everyone 's commentary was hilarious . There were lots of yummy goodies . Jillian would not have been happy with me . Ha ! Ha ! It reminded me of when I first started watching Bachelor , there was a group of us that always got together and watched it . Good times ! I particularly liked one of the classes I took about Friendship . It really made me take a look at the different types of friendships I have in my life and also got me thinking about the kind of friend I am to others . I am truely blessed to have so many friends in my life ! On another note , I bought a pressure cooker about a month ago out of curiousity and have yet to really try it out . I want to use it , I just haven 't found any recipes that are " Quick and Easy " or that don 't overwhelm me with the number of ingredients and / or the number of steps . : o ) My sister and I just decided to try it out and make up our own recipe . We threw in a pork roast , a can of pineapple , bell peppers , salt , honey , and soy sauce . Our excitment over our experimental recipe ended about half way through the cooking time . . . We were hungry . Dave ran to Little Ceasar 's and we ate pizza . However , when it was finally done we did sample a little and it was delicious . It made a great Sunday lunch ! After weeks of mismatched schedules and sick kiddos we finally had our " Gilroy " Play Date here in San Jose . Hooray ! I was so happy when it turned out to be such a beautiful day . My mom and I thought it would be fun to have some games planned . GAME ON ! The first game we played was actually a race across the backyard . Each child got a big spoon and a cotton ball that they had to keep on the spoon the whole time . Turned out to be fun but a real challenge at the same time . Where did that wind come from . LOL Our next game was supposed to be a contest to see who could keep their balloon off the ground the longest . However , we thought with the wind and such it might be better to see who could kick their balloon across the backyard the fastest . Who knew that the balloons would unpredictably pop when in contact with the grass ? These balloons have outlasted three children using them as one of those balls you bounce on for days but touch the grass and POP ! So on the the next idea , Red Light Green Light . We also did a bean bag toss into different sizes of laundry baskets / storage bins . Since everyone was all together we took the opportunity to take a group picture . This picture is of all the kiddos in age order from youngest to oldest . We actually got all the kids to at least look up . Yay ! What you don 't see is one person taking a picture and four others singing and dancing around behind the person taking the picture in an effort to get everyone to look up . Should of got a picture of that ! Ha ! Ha ! I love going to the Marr 's house for play dates we always have so much fun ! The weather was so nice today . We had a little picnic on the lawn and then the kids ran around the lawn , played with a wide array of toys , and jumped on the trampoline . Sister Marr even brought out POPSICLES ! ! ! I am so glad Lincoln didn 't seem to notice them , he would have been a huge mess . LOL Payton and I made brownies today . I will be honest , I wanted a brownie with my frozen yogurt and I know Payton loves to " help out " in the kitchen . : o ) Yes , I let her lick the beater . Every kid has to do it at least once . ; O ) On to my workouts . . . I want a workout buddy so bad . My sister is fizzling out on me . It is so much more fun working out with someone than it is working out alone . I have had workout buddies before but most only last for a few days to a week and then never come again . Am I that bad ? I have even tried changing when I work out . Early mornings not good for you ? No problem , let 's workout after work . But still it only lasts about a week . Jen , Anthony , Dave and I went through a 3 gallon tub of Treat Company 's Frozen Yogurt in two weeks . I have a major addiction to the stuff and have pulled my sister in too . : O ) Since we ran out , we HAD to get some more . Hee ! Hee ! Jen went with me this time since I couldn 't just leave the kiddos in the car while parked in a back alley . I sware I feel like I am taking part in some kind of drug deal or something . Does it make it sound better that we also go through a Costco container of raspberries , blueberries , and strawberries in one week ? That yogurt loaded up with fruit ( and a little drizzle of chocolate syrup ) is amazing ! I love it ! Today we went to Miller Park in Gilroy to celebrate Gage 's birthday and had so much fun ! The celebration was supposed to start at Pump It Up in Morgan Hill . Aimee told us that we should call ahead and get a reservation so that we would be guaranteed a spot to play . Both my friend Cassy and I called in to make our reservation and the people we talked to said that we really didn 't have to do that , that they usually only filled up on holidays and / or when kids are out of school . Neither of us ended up making the reservation and neither of us were able to get in , they sold out . . . Even though Payton and Rayne were bummed about not getting in to Pump It Up they quickly were wistling a happy tune when we got to the park early for them to play . They played so well together . It was great ! While they were playing Lincoln was just running around . It turns out Linc may be a natural soccer player . I got a short video of him kicking the ball around . Daddy is so proud . : o ) Aimee did a great job planning the party . The weather was awesome ! It was such a great idea to have the party at the park , that kids were able to run and play without being confined to a house . She had a few games planned , a Batman and Robin version of Duck , Duck , Goose and pop the ballons to get a candy . It was so neat to watch Payton , she actually got Duck , Duck , Goose ! I am such a proud mommy . : o ) As for the pop the balloon game , I wasn 't sure who was going to win Payton 's love of balloons or Payton 's love of candy . It turns out her love of candy won out . Ha ! Ha ! Tonight Dave and I went to the movie to see Unknown . It was OK , definately better than the last movie we went to ( I can 't remember the name of it ) . After the movie we ate dinner at Panda Express in the food court followed by Cold Stone for dessert . What a romantic evening ! : O ) I am so glad that we have started going on date nights , it is so nice getting out just the two of us . Dave has been lucky enough to work with his best friend for the last 10 years or so . It is like they gravitate toward each other . I think they have worked together at about 3 different places . Must be nice . : o ) Today we went to have lunch in Palo Alto with Dave . It was a lot of fun because there was a group of us that went . Johnny and his wife , Anna , and Jeremy and his wife , Josie , and their baby . We went to California Pizza Kitchen , yummy . The kids did really well and were very well behaved . Yay ! We did have one little tantrum when I handed Johnny Payton 's plate to give to her and she noticed that there was broccoli on it . She started crying , " I don 't want broccoli ! " over and over again . So Johnny set the plate down flicked the broccoli off onto the table and said , " Look , no broccoli . " She looked at him with big eyes , my mounth dropped open . Whatever ! I 'll give her this one . I had a California Pizza . It was really good , but contained more calories that I am supposed to eat in one day . I told myself that once I reached my goal weight that I still wanted to eat good and watch my calories but that if we went out to eat that I would be able to order whatever I wanted and not worry about it . This is the first time I went over my calories in one meal since I started with Jillian 's program . I have to admit that I am feeling a little guilty . Today while I was on the phone with a friend of mine I started coughing . I coughed and coughed and coughed non stop . My friend kept asking if I needed water , and if I was OK . During one really intense part of the fit my phone dropped the call . My friend was like , " Wait ! " and thinking " Is she OK ? " and trying to call me back . Well , I ended up coughing so hard that I threw up several times . Yikes ! Payton has been all about playing dress up lately . Everyday I hear , " Mommy , can I play dress up ? " Well , now she not only want to play dress up but she wants to act things out . Because she always wants to be Cinderella , she now wants a carriage . How do I make a carriage ? I 'll tell you how I make a carriage . Today Payton , Lincoln , and I went to play at my friend Mya 's house with her , her kids , and our other friend Anna . So much fun ! The kids all played really well together , and so did we . : O ) It was so nice . Payton did NOT want to leave , and I heard about it all the way home . Thank you Mya for having us over , I have been looking for ways of cutting calories but also trying to figure out how we can " eat healthier " . When I was on www . hungry girl . com I found a pasta that had 130 calories per serving as opposed to the usual 210 . Yahoo ! It actually tasts like regular pasta . Nice . It is a little more expensive than the regular pasta that you can buy in the grocery stores but I think it is well worth it . The brand is Fiber Gourmet . On another note , Fiber Gourmet also makes snacks and desserts . Wheat Crackers like Wheatables and Cheese Snacks like Chesse Nips both with about half the calories . I wish I could say that these snacks tasted the same as the the regular snack but they really don 't . They aren 't horrible but are not something I would crave either . The cheese ones are definately better than the wheat ones . They also make brownies . . . I am not sure if it was an error on the part of the person making it or if they are just horrible but , YUCK ! For some reason this cough is really hanging on . It is horrible . I was fine all day and then something caught me really funny after dinner which sent me into a coughing fit . I coughed and coughed and coughed some more . I coughed so hard that I gave myself a bloody nose . How does that happen ? |
" It actually wasn 't too far from here . We were going to come into town for a night , see Ros 's family a bit before heading home . But no one has seen her - I 've been asking everyone I 've seen . " " No , Isa . You 're not a part of this . And neither are you ! " He rounded on Daril . " If you hadn 't whisked my mother off her feet with tales of a better life , we wouldn 't be in this situation ! " He rose and made for the door . " I 'm going now , and no one is going to stop me . And I 'm not coming home unless Ros is with me . Goodbye , Isa , Lilia . " " Isa , I need to do this . You 'll be safe with Arin and Lilia . And I 'll come back just as soon as I find Ros . But please , don 't make this any harder for me . I know you 're brave , and I know you 're tough , but you 've also come from nobility . And I just - I just don 't want you to get hurt . " He raised her chin with gentle fingers so that she looked into his eyes . " Isa , please stay . " " Quin , I want you here with me . " She saw the tears in her eyes , and struggled to meet them . Quin pushed a stray hair behind her ear . " Now , you both jus ' don 't scream , hear me ? " Jette had spoken , and now he and Beetel began tearing up the nearby green clothes into narrow strips , and using them to bind the ankles and wrists of their prisoners , as well as to fashion effective gags . Within minutes Rudolph and Isadora could not move nor speak . The daggers were tucked back into the belts of the rouges , as they proceeded to rob the pair of their packs and boots - those they were to sell on market day for a fetching price , Beetel snickered . Alisen held her breath , knowing it was too late . Suddenly , a large shape hurtled out of the darkness , hitting both men in one stroke and throwing them both to the ground . It was Rudolph . He fell on top of them , carried forward by his momentum . Alisen 's breath caught in her throat and she wanted to scream . Both men were obviously stronger than Rudolph , and without the advantage of surprise , he hadn 't a chance . She leapt down from the tree to help , but slipped on the green cloth below and stumbled into Rudolph 's arms . Daril was the man who had married Quin 's mother , Ros . He was downstairs at the small wooden table by the front door , and Isadora watched as he told both him and Lilia that he and Ros had run into some trouble at the first inn they stayed at . There were two men there , thugs , who broke into their room that night and held knifes under their throats , demanding all their gold . The morning found them robbed of all their money and with no idea where the tow men had gone . Unable to pay the innkeeper , they had been thrown out , and had traveled through the forest , trying to find the nearest town and get help . But Ros twisted her ankle as they were crossing over a stream and Daril had been forced to leave her and get help before dark . He had run as fast as he could and only paused for breath at twilight when he saw lights up ahead . He had rushed back with three men from the town to where he had left Ros , only to discover she was gone . He and the two men searched the forest until dawn began to lighten the sky . Isadora closed her eyes and tried hard not to think about what had just happened with Quin . About what he had said . About how the mere thought of him now caused a sensation in her chest like she wanted to laugh and cry and dance all at the same time . About how everything had changed with that one little word . There was a sharp knock at the door and Quin slowly dragged himself out of bed to open it . Isadora opened her eyes but did not dare look at him . Lilia shouted from behind the closed door , " Quin ! Please come ! " The door opened , and she grabbed Quin 's hand . " You have to come . It 's Daril . And he says he 's here about your mother . " Isadora was about to get out of bed and join the cousins , but Quin said , ( P . S . Sorry about not posting . But now I 'm just home from my trip , so everything should be back on schedule for a while . ) Alisen shook the soil off of the thick scroll . The footsteps were growing nearer , and soon Alisen understood that they were not the footsteps of one man , but two . She hugged the tree , paralyzed with fear . The footsteps grew nearer , and with them voices became audible . " . . . pesky no - good kids just walking around looking for trouble . Just you wait , Beetel , as soon as I have my hands around the neck of that girl you just wait . . . I 'll - " " Calm yourself , Jette , they are around here somewhere , you saw their camp remains yourself . Now just calm down until we find them . You 'll do no good running your mouth off about them , you 'll only make yourself hoarse and give me a splitting headache . " Alisen pinched herself hard to break the spell of her stand - still and scrambled up the tree , thankful for its low - hanging branches and thick canopy . She watched as down below Beetel 's and Jette 's bodies appeared . She drew in a sharp intake of breath , realizing that , while the scroll was tucked safely in her boot , the green cloth was lying exposed beside the tree . Alisen closed her eyes and dug her fingernails into the soft bark of the tree , hoping very hard that the two men would continue walking . Apologies for the late post . My Internet access has been spotty at best for the last few days . And now I am going to do something that is going to make you , miss Politick , very annoyed ( although it seems justified for all the times you 've ruined all my wonderful plans by throwing a new twist into the story ) . This Isadora / Quin scene is all yours . I 'm not interested in writing it . So I 'm switching back to Rudolph and Alisen for now and you can write " falling - in - love scenes " for Quin and Isadora to your heart 's content . " Alisen ! Wait ! Please ! " Rudolph 's cry rang through the trees to Alisen 's retreating back , but she continued , scooping her pack on her way out of the clearing . She did not look back at Rudolph , although even if she had , she might not have noticed the newly wet eyelashes and trembling jaw . Her own eyes blurred , and she began to pay little attention to where she was going , so long as it was away from him . After about three minutes of blind wandering , she realized what a bad situation she had gotten herself into and sunk down against a tree to create a plan . When no ideas came to mind , she continued sitting , figuring it was just as well she stayed in one place rather than uselessly expending all of her energy . Soon he heard someone trampling through to forest some ways back . Rudolph , she figured . I can 't deal with him right now , or ever , at least until her gets some brains into him . Thinking to hide from her former companion , she crawled around to the other side of the rather large tree , where a bush obscured her form from any passersby . Waiting for Rudolph to pass , Alisen sunk her fingers into the earth and looked through the leaves of the bush at the forest beyond . Then , through the soil , her fingertips touched what was unmistakably roughly woven cloth . Intrigued , she dug for it and pulled out a green cloth bag . Inside was a piece of paper . Isadora froze in her bed as Quin looked over at her , shy after his bold words . She did not meet his eyes , feeling awkward under his gaze . This she did not understand , for she had felt so comfortable around him for the past couple of weeks , and she had also nursed her crush on him , and so had been quietly eager for this moment . Guilt , again , washed over Isadora as images of Rudolph swam over her vision . The images dissolved into salty tears that lurched down her cheeks in harsh ridges . She was sobbing now , and covering her face with the thick knit blanket that had been pooled around her knees . Quin looked away , staring hard at the floor , before leaning over to brush his hand across her cheek , bringing it back to his own face . His hand was streaked with tears and he rubbed them onto his own cheek , showing her that he shared her confusion and pain . Neither understood why they felt pain , they only knew it was there . Quin leaned over once more to tuck the blanket around isadora , under her chin , before moving over to his own bed on the other side of the room . The next morning the travelers awoke to birdsong from the trees above . Gumbing and sore , they sat up , and as Rudolph rummaged through to bag for some breakfast , Alisen began to clean up the clearing . Still blinking the bright sunlight out of his eyes , Rudolph handed the last few strips of meat to Alisen . " No ! " Ru dolph shouted unintentionally . Seeing Alisen 's curious glance , he added . We should kept moving forward . We . . . can 't go back . " " I can 't believe you 're still keeping things from me , Rudolph . Even now , even after everything . Why can 't we go back ? " " The two men that we - - you knocked out last night . Apparently they were going to come back for us . And not alone either . I just wanted to get you out and get both of us to safety . " " I am so fed up with you . Why did you think you had to keep this from me ? I 'm thie one that saved you yesterday , if you remember . I 'm not some naive , defenseless , little princess ! " She spat the words at him with such forced that he had to step back , and he cringed at the reference to Isadora . He had told her about his life as a stablehand , but had never mentioned that Isadora was a princess . He 'd hoped she would assume Isadora was another servant at the palace . But the names of the royal family were common knowledge . He shouldn 't have assumed that just because Alisen had been in Taliss 's cave for a few months that she 'd forgotten what every village child knew . And it seemed that Alisen had put two and two together , thanks to his brainlessness , and she 'd hate him all the more for not telling her that he was in love with the princess . " That 's it , Rudolph . I 'm done . You 'd think 2 weeks in a cave with someone would be enough to get to know them , but I guess not . I thought you cared , but now I see that I 'm wrong . Goodbye , Rudolph . " Rudolph took in the innkeeper 's warning as he inhaled a small breakfast of yams spread on toast . He was sure that they had to leave quickly , before they could be attacked again . George , in his worry for the two young travelers , had provided Rudolph with a pack full of food , and two flasks of water . He had shaken his head with finality when Rudolph had tried to hand him some coins . Alisen came downstairs as Rudolph was finishing his food , her hair wet from her bath ( Rudolph had insisted on paying for the water ) . She sat down beside him , attacking her own yam - toast . The two rouges did not come downstairs , and this made Rudolph fidgety and nervous . He knew they should get out very soon , but refused to let himself say anything to Alisen until she had finished her last bite of toast . Rudolph and Alisen left the inn in a hurry , George 's warning echoing through his mind again and again . They hopped over rocks and splashed through narrow streams that masked their footsteps , mashed their way through thick vegetation and crisscrossed through trees that had grown so close together that their branches had become entangled . By dusk Rudolph was close to collapsing . His face bore the tiny scratches of tree branches , and he was wet from the waist down from all the hurrying through water . His boots , which had sucked in the water like sponges , felt heavier than lead , and he sat down messily onto the mossy tree roots of a massive oak , whose leaves provided coverage over a small clearing . Alisen , who looked pretty much the same as Rudolph , managed a meek call over to him from where she stood in the clearing 's center . " Oi , Rudolph ! Let 's . . . well , we will stay here tonight . And . . . do not go to sleep without eating a bite first or tomorrow you will feel more wretched than you do right now . " Rudolph , in answer , threw off his pack . Alisen removed a loaf of bread embedded with salted nuts , a small package of dried fruit , and several strips of dried pheasant . She went to sit beside Rudolph , and together they finished the meal , surprised that they could feel hunger through their exhaustion , and realizing that they were very hungry . Afterwards , they drank heavily from the water flasks they each wore at their hips , and then bid each other sleepy goodnights . They both produced yawns as they stretched out beneath the oak 's canopy , before falling into much - needed slumbers . " Do you love her ? " Her face was tight , her eyes accusing , and after spitting out the words she pursed her lips and looked at the floor , her face reddening . Quin 's eyes got huge as he looked at her . " What ? Is , what did you ask ? I . . . I do not know her . So no . . . I do not love her . What is this , Is ? What is going on ? I was talking to her because she is family and I do not know her ! I like to know my family . . . what has gotten into you ? " " . . . so you do not love her . " Isadora spoke with uncertainty now , nothing backing up her words . She was embarrassed by her outburst and had no idea what to say . " No . I do not . I thought I had make that clear , Is . " Quin 's words punched at the air in the room , and he roughly ran his hand over his face . He looked very tired to Isadora . He sighed and sat on Isadora 's bed , back to her . Rudolph was awakened the next morning by the growling of his stomach and the light hitting his face through the grimy window . Alisen , wrapped in her blankets , was fast asleep with a slight smile on her face , dirty from her journey from Taliss ' cave . Careful not to wake her , he went downstairs to look for breakfast and somewhere to wash up . As he reached to bottom of the old stairs , he met the landlord , George . " I know just about everything that goes on around here . Not to mention that those two men , some of our best customers , came down in the the middle of the night groaning like dogs . That 's why I came to find you , see . They 're not nice fellas . Good customers , but not too nice . And they 've taken a disliking to you and your lady friend , see . And so I 'd suggest you get out of town , and fast , or they will hunt you down and you 're not likely to get home - ever . Isadora and Quin reached the town the next day . It was raining lightly and the fog was so thick Isadora was unable to see past her hand when she held it in front of her . Quin led her into a small tavern where they snacked on salted tree - nuts and drank foaming cups of steaming chocolate . Isadora was feeing very good about being in the town , Rydon , as it was called , because the tavern was warm and there was laughter all around . She smiled at Quin , who is return gave her a tight - lipped smile . She knew that he was in pain . He had barely talked the whole way to the town . Isadora understood that he was dreadfully worried about his mother and while the town was satisfying to her , Quin would be smiling easily when they were on their way back to Jodra with his mother in tow . It was very late when they left the tavern . The stars , although not visible with the heavy layer of fog , were out an d surrounding a big round moon . Quin had a cousin in Rydon , and of whom Isadora knew nothing about . Isadora and Quin arrived at the door wet and tired . Isadora in fact , was so tired that she wanted nothing more than to collapse onto something soft . She was rushed into full alertness however the moment Quin 's cousin opened the door . She had a slim , strong figure and long wavy hair that seemed to hug her hips . Her skin was the color of tree - sap and her eyes her an impossibly rich green . A green that Isadora had only seen captured by the valleys encircling the castle . It was not a green that was possessed by irises , but this woman 's eyes had that beauty . She was more girl than woman , seeming to be about the age of Isadora , who herself was close to seventeen years . The girl introduced herself as Lilia and it became very clear to Isadora as Quin introduced himself that they had never met and in fact , they were very distant cousins . Distant enough that marriage would be possible . Isadora , although she despised herself for it , began to feel the heavy hand of jealousy clutch at her heart . " Come in , please . " Lilia smiled . " Stop , Alisen . You 're worn out . Just stay on the bed . " Alisen relented with a glare , and flopped onto the threadbare pillows . Rudolph took the arm of one of the men - Ern , probably , he thought - and tried to drag him into the corridor . Rudolph got Ern a few feet toward the door when Ern 's limp body got stuck between the bed and the dresser . As Rudolph tried to get him un - stuck , Alisen said , " Hey , Rudolph . I 'm sorry for getting mad . But it was totally justified . I can 't believe you thought I 'd be safer in the cave ! " " Look , I explained in the note . Taliss is now going to be combing the countryside for me . If she finds me - us , now - we both die . If you had just stayed in the cave , she would rarely be there because she 'd be out looking for me , and if I did get caught , you 'd be safe . And if I didn 't , I 'd bring back help to come get you . You have to understand - I thought it was the best waaaaaaa - - " " Oh , for goodness sakes , Rudolph . This is pathetic . No wonder you got captured by Taliss . " Alisen hopped off the bed , heaved Ern onto her back , which seemed far to tiny to support Ern 's large figure , carried him out the door , and dropped him at the end of the hall , several feet before the top of the stairs . She came back into Rudolph 's room and looked up at him . " You gonna get the other one , or should I carry him out too ? " " So that they can 't get back in . They 'll probably be waking up pretty soon . " Grinning , she added , " I don 't envy the headaches they 'll have . " " How . . . what ? " He managed to get out . he felt a lump in the back of his throat . She was safe . He had been so worried and now he could see that she was safe and he wanted to cry with relief . " When you covered up that section , you left a small gap at the bottom , light from coming through from it . I crouched down to see through that shaft of light and there it was . . . the free mountainside . It took all morning to dig my way out , and then until now to follow your tracks . You leave quite a mess behind you , did you know that ? Broken branches . . . heavy footsteps . . . torn cloth from your trousers . I suppose that means I will have to patch them up for you . " " Oh , can you ? Well if you can do that why don 't you tell me why you thought it was okay to leave me there , alone . With a dragon . " " Oh , knock it off , Rudolph . I thought you cared about me . I mean , why else did you talk to me so much like you did ? Oh , I get it . You were just lonely , right ? Just needed someone to talk to you and to listen to you until you could get out and find that Isadora girl , right ? " " Snakes , Alisen ! I 'm sorry , alright ? I just . . . " Rudolph , who had leapt up from his bed upon Alisen 's violent act , sank back down into the quilt . " I just assumed that I could get help for you quicker if i went alone . I couldn 't . . . bear for you to be out there with me . . . in case anything went wrong . " " Idiot ! Idiot ! You thought leaving me with a fire - breathing dragon in that cave would be safer than taking me out into the fresh air with you ? The THERE IS NO DRAGON - FRESH - AIR ? ! ? " " Please . . . calm down . I 'm so sorry . . . " Rudolph got up slowly and moved over to put his arm around Alisen , who at this point was quivering with anger . He expected her to slap his hand away in fury , and indeed her shoulders did tighten when he made contact , but surprisingly she let him hug her . She turned into him and started to cry , really cry . And Rudolph buried his head in her hair - - - her hair that smelled like singed pine needles . He breathed deeply . Alright . So it seems there has been a mistake in the writing . A , as one would say , slight misunderstanding . In parts 31 and 32 of the story , things get confusing . Allow me to explain . I wrote post number 31 , and then BookBird pointed out that there were some spelling errors , I went back to my post to fix them , and decided to add another paragraph and change some things . BookBird obviously did not check back that night , instead she most likely began to write her part , which posted the following night . And for this reason there are two paragraphs , one by me and one by her , that describe the inn in further detail as well as describe Rudolph 's room . Anyways , hope that cleared up any misunderstandings . And also , in reply to BookBird 's comment on electricity - no , I do not think there would be electricity , but instead candles and such , for the reason that if there is electricity in their world , they would have toasters and outlets and heaters and air conditioners and thus we would have to get into that and all the other technological things they have . It seems way to modern for the story . I thought the story to be pre - electricity . Books of Bayern - esque world . " Thank you , madam , " Rudolph said gratefully , involuntarily licking his lips . He 'd had nothing that day but an apple he 'd plucked off a tree on his way to the city . He followed her , slightly dazed , through the corridor - too narrow for much comfort after the largeness of the cave - and up a set of rickety wood steps that did not seem quite willing to support the large landlady . Even with his slim frame , he stepped on them cautiously ; he was sure the landlady and her husband would not be pleased with him if he broke their stairs , and he couldn 't afford to have that kind of attention . After all , he was still a runaway from the royal family . Not that they 'd send anyone looking for him , but he 'd rather keep out of trouble for a while . " There you go , sir . I 'll send George up in a minute with some food for you . " She patted him on the shoulder and left the room . Rudolph sat on the bed and took off his shoes . He lay back on the pillow and tried to think about what he would do next . " Of course he 's got money , Al . Did you see that tunic he was wearing ? Sure , it was dirty , but it was obviously pretty nice . Come on , let 's see if we can find anything . " As the two men crept into the room , Rudolph could see from the faint moonlight that these were the men he had seen downstairs . He considered yelling for help , but he was quite certain that these men could hurt him much faster than anyone could come running . " Well , ain 't that just something . How dare you try to rob that man ! " A woman 's voice came from the open door . Rudolph tried to open his eyes , and immediately shut them again . The woman had turned on his bedroom light and was advancing toward the two thieves . There were several large thumps , two yells of pain , and the thud of two bodies hitting the floor . " Don 't worry , they 're just knocked out . I would hope for something as kind if I were you , sir . How dare you leave me all alone in that cave ! " Rudolph entered the inn far after the dark blue stain of night had coated the sky . He was wearing a sweat - stained tunic , rough slacks that were too hot for the weather , and his worn - out boots . He plopped down into the nearest chair and for the first time looked around . There were only two other people in the inn - both men , and both burly and drinking beer whilst talking in the lowest of voices . It sounded like buzzing to Rudolph 's tired ears , so when a large woman with callused hands tapped him hard on the shoulder and said , " Hey son , interested in a room or occupying seats my customers could sit in . " Rudolph cleared his head enough to understand her . He decided not to point out the fact that there were three people in the room and at least ten chairs to go with the small oak - wood tables . " A room , please ma ' am . And some food as well , if there is any left at this hour . " Rudolph automatically thumbed the bottom of his tunic , where he had sewn 10 gold coins into the hem . " That would be really nice , ma ' am , I 'm starved , you see . . . " Rudolph , who had been stranded in a dragon 's clutches with one other girl for company was eager for conversation . However , the woman began walking up the wooden stairs to the rooms , a sign that she was utterly uninterested by his words . Rudolph 's room was small and square , with a wash - bin in one corner ( 1 coin for enough heated water to bathe , the woman told him ) , and a low bed on the opposite side , with a heavy quilt laid out on top of it . The woman explained to him that the privy was outside and there was a candle near the wash - bin so that if he needed to relieve himself in the middle of the night he could find his way . She also collected five gold coins from him ( Rudolph turned to rip them each from his shirt as she was pointing out form the sole window where the privy was located ) : one for heated bath water , one for the bread and soup he was to receive , and three for the room for one night . Because the inn was far from the capital and the only one for miles , the innkeepers were able to keep the prices high and satisfying . Rudolph was sure others had argued the costs down to something more agreeable , but he was in no condition to argue . He was tired and hungry , and the guilt of leaving Alisen alone in the cave was beginning to press down on him . For what if the dragon decided to kill her before he was able to get back to her ? The next morning , Quin and Isadora set out for town , equipped with food for two days and a small bag of coins taken from under Quin 's mattress . The morning was clear but slightly chilly , and they each had several layers of clothing on . They talked some , but mostly they just walked together through the forest . Quin knew his way even when the road disappeared , and Isadora followed , glad for a friend , because she knew she would undoubtably get lost by herself . Quin knew all the birdcalls they heard , and pointed each one out to her . Not really interested in birdcalls but enjoying Quin 's company all the same , Isadora kept trying to make him laugh . Finally , a road appeared between the trees . " We must be getting close to the city , " said Quin . " Can you keep going , or should we stop a bit ? " Isadora was unused to walking far , and although wearing Jodra 's sturdily - made boots had helped a bit , she was worn out an pink in the face . Author 's note : Rudolph and Isadora is not over . Since I 'm writing The Golden Night independently , I 'll be posting the chapters randomly , whenever I finish them . The Rudolph and Isadora posts will continue to go up every day as scheduled . CHAPTER TWOI 'd fantasized as a child about my life being like a fairy tale , but as a little girl , I 'd forgotten what came before happily ever after . And I didn 't even know about the darker tales , the ones that had no happily ever after . . . * * * Paralyzed by shock , Alethia was led from the throne room by a stone - faced guard summoned from behind a door at the far end of the room . Her mind was reeling from her encounter with the king . She was walked down long hallways , footsteps muffled by carpets thicker than any she 'd ever seen . Eventually they came to a plain wooden door , which was opened by a maid . The guard talked quietly with the maid for a few moments , and then gently pushed Alethia inside . The door closed behind her and locked . " So you 're the girl . News travels fast around here - I 've already heard all about you . Well then , we 'll get you cleaned up right nicely , now . " The maid 's loud and friendly words snapped Alethia out of her daze . " What do you mean ? " Alethia asked . " I think there must be some mistake . I - " " You 're the guest of the king , you are . We 're to clean you up and make you look all nice , and then tonight you 'll do your spinning " - at this she twirled - " and tomorrow you 'll go home with a gold piece in your pocket . Sounds like a right nice deal to me . " She took Alethia into an adjoining bathroom and spent the next twenty minutes scrubbing dirt and ash off her face , chattering away the whole time . Several other maids came in to do her hair and help her dress in a gown finer than any she 'd ever owned . She thought she heard one of the maids say that it was a shame her old clothes had to be burned , but the meaning didn 't truly register until hours later . She was , however , allowed to keep the sash , which was tied around her waist and rested appealingly on her forest - green dress . Alethia was as confused as she 'd ever been , but she wasn 't about to stop the maids . But if she had to spin or die , how was she the guest of the king ? And why did the king want her anyway ? She came to the same conclusion every time . The king was mad , and she was doomed . Later , she feasted in the great hall with the nobles of the kingdom , all perfectly - mannered and all incredibly dull . The food , however , was nowhere near as insipid as her tablemates . She ate each rich course with gusto , and by the end of the meal , although her head swam and her stomach was uncomfortably full , she was content . As she watched the dancers spinning gracefully , her eyes became heavy , and she was just drifting off when she felt a hand grasp her shoulder . She looked up , suppressing a gasp . Three guards were standing behind her , obviously waiting for her to stand up so they could lead her , like some animal , to do the king 's bidding or die trying . She stood up , bid a quick farewell to whatever nobleman was sitting next to her , and let herself be led down twisting passages , up spiral stairs and into hidden passageways . When they finally reached a plain wooden door , one of the guards knocked , and she stepped into the room . She gasped . This room , fairly large , was a clothmaker 's paradise . Every wall was stacked to the ceiling with supplies to weaving , sewing , spinning - anything to do with cloth . The king must have ordered one of his servants simply to buy the entire stock of every clothmaker in the region … or more likely that foul advisor Nukta had . The king wouldn 't have thought about it . " You work starting at sunset . " Alethia turned quickly to see one of the guards still standing in the doorway . She realized it was the one who had led her out of the throne room what seemed like a lifetime ago . He must have been assigned to her . " The king will come to inspect your work just past sunrise . If he deems it satisfactory , you will get a job in the palace and several gold coins . If not , I believe you know the consequence . " " Thank you - " Alethia began to say , but she did not have time to get the words out before the guard closed the door . She heard the bolt slide into place , but she didn 't hear the guard walk away . They 're still guarding me , then , she thought . She sunk to the floor and put her head in her hands , but the tears she was expecting did not come . She was done worrying about what would happen - she 'd done that enough before dinner . Now was the time to act . She began to pull materials down from the piles and out of the stacks , and sat down to create her golden cloth . Hours later , eyes and fingers aching , she finished the bolt of fabric . It was golden in color , and soft and fine on her fingers , but it didn 't sparkle like the cloth around her waist . She knew it would never be good enough for the mad king and his awful advisor . What do I do ? What on earth am I supposed to do ? She just wanted to sleep , to wrap herself in her new gold cloth and forget the coming dawn . But she didn 't . She needed something for the king other than the cloth . He 'd never accept the cloth . So she got out a needle and a tray of embroidery floss , and took out a piece of thick , flowing , sapphire - blue cloth and began to embroider . As she finished the intricate embroidery , the tears that had not come earlier finally settled on her lashes . Sitting there with her watery eyes , oft - pricked fingers , and scene of sunset , she thought of home . She had embroidered every day , sitting behind her table with a piece of fabric and watching the door of the shop for customers so that she could call her father out of the back room . Everyone in the town had an embroidery of hers . And her family - they all had more than they could possibly need . They had scarcely one set of unembroidered clothes between them . She smiled to remember how her younger brother had hidden his clothes so that she could not get at them with her needle . They had eventually compromised , though - she could embroider them only if he told her what to embroider . Her silly younger brother . Her gift to her family and friends had been to paint these pictures with cloth and thread . And nearly all of it had been lost in the fire . Her family 's life work and living was lost . And now she was here , embroidering for a king who had lost all rationality instead of her family who she might - would most likely - never see again . As the sun rose , the door was unbarred and the guard found Alethia asleep in a pile of fabric , with a bolt of gold cloth in one hand and her embroidery in the other . He woke her gently , let her straighten up , and called in the king . " Let 's see the girl , Nukta , " the king wheezed as he shuffled into the room , slowly falling into a chair set out by the kind guard . " Yes , of course , Your Majesty , " said Nukta unctuously . He led Alethia to the king , smiling at her in an oily way that made her want to wrench her wrist from his grasp . When he finally let go , it was only to grab the sparkling golden cloth from around her waist and hold it up to the light . " Let go of that right now . " She spoke without thinking , and covered her mouth with her hands as both he and the king turned to look at her incredulously . She curtsied , and was about to apologize when a look from Nukta made her decide that silence was wiser . " This is very fine cloth , Nukta . Perhaps we should keep her on to make more of this cloth . " Alethia gasped , and it took nearly all of her self - restraint not to throw herself onto her knees and beg for this solution . But she had to do something . " If it pleases Your Majesty , I also made this last night . " Fingers shaking , she offered the embroidery . In a low voice , Nukta snapped , " You do not speak to his Majesty unless spoken to , " but the king took the embroidery . Squinting his eyes to see the picture , he seemed satisfied , and was about to speak when Nukta , having sidled up next to him , whispered , " I have made my decision , " said the king . " Although a masterful clothworker , the girl did not carry out the royal order . She must be made into an example . She is to be executed in 1 hour . Goodbye , girl . " Rudolph scrambled down the side of the mountain . His muscles burned with the effort and his legs were cramped from the long night he had spent by the cave . When Alisen had finally quieted her sobs and had fallen asleep , Rudolph had snaked around to the back wall of the cave - the one covered in tapestries . He had been , for the past two weeks , chiseling into a narrow fissure with the knife he always had in his boot . In the beginning he was only able to stick his arm through - - - but after all that hard work he had finally made it large enough to squeeze through . He had then filled it with stones to prevent Alisen from breaking out as well . He felt like a cad , and it had been a terrible thing to do , he knew . But by doing so she would not end up lost in a world she had left untouched for months , and he could not bear to lose her . By leaving her in the cave and heaping all the responsibility of getting help onto his own shoulders , he felt more secure . He also , deep in his heart , wanted to be alone when he found Isadora . For this was another motive of his escape - to find the blonde beauty he was so besotted with . |
Finally ! The pastures are cleaned up . All manure is mowed down to powder and spread out with the rake . We finally got rain . Right on time ! The rain will help to get the manure powder into the ground . Great timing ! Ron also mowed down mole hills . They create so many bumps when you just leave them . I cleaned up the yard and organized wires , wood left overs and garden tools . We have to buy some mole traps as they are out of this world . Have seen some good ones on the internet that are easy to set and not dangerous for other animals , as the trap itself is underground , while the trap holder is above and easy to get to . We must have at least around 10 moles digging around our yard and pasture , so within a week or two we should be able to get them out . When we arrived at L Pine Meadow , I noticed right away that the top fence wire was sagging . Somewhere in the woods it must have come loose . I walked down the fence and discovered that where we had put in a connector it came loose . We probably did not bend the wire around the connector and then they come loose when lots of pressure is applied . A deer or moose must have run through it . We didn 't bring our tools , because we brought them home the time before , so repair has to be done the next time . I 'm glad this happened as now we know where the weak spot is . The other two wires are still up . It 's so nice to see the pastures and yard cleaned up . It must be the most organized place around . Hahaha ! It will be nice to come in the Spring and not have to do any cleaning up . After our work in the yard and pastures , we went to see the horses . They were still in their pen . Flicka was jumpy , longing to be with the other horses . A lady came to get her horse and we met and talk for a while . Shirley was so friendly and kind and I loved her horse , a nice big black mare . I tried to give a piece of mandarin to the horse , but she had no clue what to do with it . It was funny and Shirley and I had to laugh . Slowly I start to meet the people that board their horses there too . I did my firBig pasture all done too . : - ) The last few days it 's a bit chilly . We have night and morning frost and cloudy . Yep . It 's cold ! We wanted to finish the big pasture yesterday , but there was way too much wind and too cold to do anything , so we stayed home . Today we tried , but after 10 minutes Ron drove the tractor back . The wind froze his fingers and chin . Too cold to work in the pasture . I was cleaning up the last things that Ron moved a week before from around the 5th wheel to next to the shed . I went through it , re organized everything , threw out what was broken and other garbage and put in the shed what I could . Some things can stay outside as long it 's covered with a tarp . Next time I 'm going to organize all the smaller pieces of wood , pile them and then cover them . Lots of pieces left over from building the shed . Good wood that we for sure will use next year for something . While we were having a hot chocolate , Scruffy , who was outside , started to bark a lot . Ron looked outside and said : " We have horses coming in ! " I looked and 3 horses came running up the driveway along side the arena , and came into our yard in full gallop . A bay , a dark grey and a white one . The white one was a smaller pony , maybe 12 / 13 hh . The other two looked like 2 year olds . The bay was wearing a web halter . I grabbed my camera out of the truck and ran after them . They ran up to our hillside view path and when I came there , I didn 't see them anymore . It happens sometimes that horses escape from their pasture . A fence could have been damaged by a moose and the owner didn 't notice it yet . I sure hope that the owners will find their horses back . They seemed rather confused when running through our yard . Too bad I couldn 't catch them . If Freya and Flicka would have been in the pasture , those horses probably would have stayed around and we would have time to find the owners . Before we left , I took Scruffy for a walk . When I came back , Ron was waiting in the truck , and was taking photo 's of a little bird . It was sitting at the pan with water that we haveGeese in the dugout . They are gathering and when the group is ready , they will fly south for winter . It was the last day for the horses to spend on our acreage so we prepared them for the move . The farrier was there already when we arrived in the afternoon . He 's always earlier then the time we have the appointment . Have to love a farrier like that ! I 've had them that just wouldn 't show up , were too late or even never answered my phone call for an appointment . He comes every 5 weeks because of Freya 's hooves . If she isn 't trimmed regular , they start to crack badly and with the dry weather we have the last few months , we can 't mess with this . She needs to be done . Flicka 's hooves are dry too , but they are hardy and can have a lot . She never had any problems for that . Freya 's hooves were terribly neglected when I bought her because she was never trimmed in her 4 years of life . How people can let that go I don 't understand . She had like cow feet . . . . 2 hooves on one foot . It took over a year to get them better but it seems it always will be her weak spot . The horses were great for trimming . They are very used to the routine of regular trims for years and I worked a lot with them to get them calm and quiet with the farrier . No farrier likes to work with an adult horse that doesn 't stand still for him . By the time a horse is an adult , they should be able to do that . Lots of people never work with their horses feet and the poor farrier has to deal with pulling , leaning , rearing and falling horses . I 've seen it happen . If I was that farrier I would have said : " Ok , I will come back as soon you have worked with your horse on giving their feet . " I suppose you have to have lots of patience to be a farrier . Not just for those untrained horses , but for the people that own those horses and are too lazy to work with them . Of course there are always the abused horses or horses with bad experience for trimming feet . It can take a long time to get a horse with a past getting over their fear . Any farrier will understand a case like that . Anyway . . . . the girls are done . I dewormed them right away after too . ARon talking to a young squirrel that was sitting on the tire of the 5th wheel . After the horses were done , Ron and I went fishing for a few hours . It was a beautiful day and evening and caught lots of fish . It was a beautiful day and evening . We enjoyed this bright full moon while sitting at the river bank , having a glass of wine and a beer . : - ) On our way we saw a young Bald Eagle . He was sitting in a tree , looking around . So neat ! We 've seen adult ones but this is the first time we saw a young one . I had to look it up to find out what kind of bird it was . It seems that Bald Eagles get their mature colors / markings when they are 5 years old . What a great weather we have . Today it was around 20c and hardly any wind . Such a joy to spend time at L Pine Meadow . We sure will miss it during winter . The bugs are so much less now too . A few bumble bees and a couple of wasps and flies , but nothing to write home about . The night frost dealt with most of them . I still wipe the horses before riding though , because the little flies are still bad for them . I had a great ride with Freya and Flicka today and they did wonderful . I really enjoyed my time with them . After lunch , soup with some bread , Ron and I touched up the shed . The roof is painted now too . Extra protection from rain and snow . We only have to add a small edge at the front part of the roof , and then it 's all done for this year . Next year we will build the lean - to . While I was painting I heard some noises coming from one of the water containers . First I thought it was a mouse , trapped in the container . But then I thought the jumps I heard were way to noisy for a mouse . Ah . . . . a squirrel ! Poor thing fell into the container and couldn 't get out of course , as those things are huge . I called Ron and together we put the container on its side . The little squirrel ran to an opening and stuck his head through it , staring at Ron . Ron talked to him and after a few seconds it dared to come out and run into the woods . He was soaked ! Aw ! We put the other container also on its side and next time we will put them up side down . We don 't want more animals falling into them . So sad ! I 'm glad I 've heard this little squirrel so we could save him . We also have put up some No Trespassing signs . Hunting season started . With Flicka , from a distance , looking like a moose and Freya like a deer or Elk . . . . . . better keep thPreparing Flicka for our ride . Cleaning out her feet is one of the things to do . No , it 's not fog . It 's dust . We did not have rain for sooooo long . Everything is dry dry dry and this is how it looks on the dirt roads when cars drive over it . Hunter and Taz are home again . We had put them in the little travel kennel and on our way home they were so calm and quiet . At home we let Polly out for a bit to give the other two the chance to look around without her growling and hissing at them . After looking around and their supper , they found their usual spot to sleep . It didn 't take them long to feel at ease . Polly needs more time to get used to the ' intruders ' . But that 's Polly . Always a little grumpy when things change around her . She will get used to them again . Hunter finally starts to be a little cleaner too . Her white fur was more grey from rolling in the sand all the time . Taz is helping her a lot with washing and slowly she turns white again where it should be white . Hahaha ! I 'm glad both cats are home again after many weeks doing a good job at their farm chores : catching mice and moles . Today we took Scruffy to the acreage again . She was so exited ! During our ride she was looking out of the truck window , staring to the sky , in the hope to see gees . When she did , she told us with a little bark . She 's so cute ! Ron and I have done a lot today . Ron emptied the little tent shed and moved the things to the new shed with the garden tractor . He put everything outside the shed and I sorted the stuff and organized it in the shed . I also cleaned out the little space between the two water containers that we used as storage last winter . A lot of stuff could go in the garbage . We are one of those people that always save things , just in case you never know . Hahaha . Well . . . if you don 't use it for a year and it 's not something to sell . . . . then it 's garbage , right ? I forgot to take the drill so we were not able to put up some shelves . Next time ! But everything is in the shed now and it 's organized . We are able to see what we have . A lot of work it was . But I 'm happy it 's done . We still have to tidy up around the trailer and the part of the yard where the shed is . There is fence wire everywhere that needs to be re - organized so it 's ready for Beautiful Red Robin , eating Saskatoon Berries . It 's Fall . The leaves of the trees are changing colors and there is a kind of trees that already lost all their leaves ! Our vegetable garden is ready to be emptied of old plants as also the sunflowers are gone . Surprised by the night frost . Too bad as I hoped for lots of seeds . Oh well . . . . have to buy them next year . The shed is finished ! YAY ! I 'm so happy . The little window is in , framed and with shutters and we hung up my Dutch planter right under the window . I had some fake flowers and put those in . It looks sooooo cute ! The door is in too . It has a handle and we use for now a block of wood to lock it . We wanted to use a different lock but that didn 't work out . We have to buy something different but for now the block works great . I closed up the gaps and Ron filled up any smaller gaps with cocking . There are still some little things we have to do on the inside , like making shelves , and close up some floor gaps , but the outside is done . It only needs a little paint touch up here and there . Next time we can put all our stuff in . After we were done with the shed , I rode Freya for over an half hour and she did great . She was a little clumsy , tripping a lot , and she felt bumpy too . I did lunged her before the ride , but it was like she didn 't had her day . She even got a piece of carrot stuck in one of her teeth . Hahaha ! It took her a while to chew it away . Just one of those days I suppose . But she did her best , gave me some good trots , calm walks , wonderful soft in the turns and I was very pleased . Not bad for a horse that used to bolt . The clicker is a very powerful training tool . Taz and Hunter were both at L Pine Meadow . Today was their last day there as we took them home when we left . It 's getting cold with some night frost now . Because Taz takes a hike so now and then , and stays away for 3 or 4 days , Hunter is alone and has nobody to keep her warm at night . So when we saw Taz , we decided to take them both home for the winter months . The horses will be moved very soon to their winter place too . They wilDoesn 't it look cute ? The last week we did a lot of work on the shed . The roof is done and all walls are up . I have finished painting the outside walls and the floor is screwed tight . It starts to look awesome ! Maybe it 's not the best shed in the world but I 'm proud of it . It will do its job to keep our things out of the winter weather . In fact . . . . this little building project gives me visions of building the horse shelter / stable and a cute 8 wall gazebo with screen windows . But the first thing we will start to build in the Spring is our cabin . Ron has some ideas of how we 're going to do that and did some drawing for the measurements and lay out . Can 't wait to start with it . It will be so much fun ! One of the days when we were on our way to L Pine Meadow , we saw a hawk flying over the ditch at the side of the road . He ( or she ) was clearly hunting . Flying low , making fast movements from right to left . Ron slowed down the truck and so I could make some photo 's but only one came out not too bad . It was beautiful to watch . I got a winter place arranged for the horses . Around half of October they will be picked up with a trailer . It 's a beautiful place with many other horses and the people are so friendly . It 's only like 10 minutes more driving then to our place , so not too bad at all . Flicka was always good for going in the trailer and for unloading . A few years ago she suddenly changed and got difficult to trailer . She had a few accidents because of trying to run out of the trailer and even though not hurt too bad , it still was enough to make her more scared . It made me so nervous after a while that I sold my little 2 horse trailer . Freya never was a problem for loading but I have to work with Flicka . She 's older now and more mature and had lots of training the last few years too . But still . . . . we need to practice before the pick up . I build a simulation of a horse trailer and start working Flicka to get on the step up and stand nice and calm . I teach her this with help of clicker training and I must say that she is a very The hunting hawk . Today is a day to remember the people that died in the twin towers in New York USA in 2001 . It was a terrible thing and I remember that day very well . Ron and I were still living in The Netherlands that time . It was scary to watch the burning towers on television , not knowing if there would be more attacks and we had even thoughts of another world war coming because of this . Especially because this wasn 't an accident but a real attack with the purpose to kill all those innocent people and take the towers down . Very very scary . I know I will never forget the first time I saw on TV the planes , hitting the towers , and the smoking buildings and footage of people jumping out of the huge towers . Yesterday we went fishing . The last time we did that was July 1st , on our 10th wedding anniversary . It was great to be at the river again . The water level was very low at the dam and also at the over flow which is a few minutes up the river . Ron caught 3 pike and I had 2 . It was so much fun ! It was windy but where we were fishing it was quiet sheltered . The wind is crazy the last few days . We went to L Pine Meadow and when we were coming closer to where the horses were grazing , they didn 't hear us coming until Ron honked the horn ! They spooked a little , then were happy to see us and start to run . Silly ponies . Hahaha . When we arrived at the yard , we noticed right away our screen room was blown down totally . One of the little cables ripped . We didn 't bother to set it up as the wind was still going full blast . It won 't go anywhere so we just left the stuff for next time . Wind gusts are up to 75 km ph . Very very noisy when the wind rushes through the trees , rustling the leaves . But the shed was fine ! It 's in a very protected part of the yard and doesn 't get much of the west wind . I 'm glad I choose that part of the yard to put a building . At home we had cut the pieces on size for the shed and we started to put up the top sides and the last piece of the floor . We also cut out one little window and cut out the frame forThe wasp nest that is now gone with the wind . : - ) I did not expect it , but all the sunflower seeds that I planted in Spring at the sides of the driveway entrance , are in bloom now . It 's amazing . Never gave them water and it 's dry dry dry the last couple of weeks . It looks great and we will have lots of seeds for next Spring ! It looks beautiful when coming into our driveway . I rode Freya a few times and also took her out for a little trail walk . I also let her graze without a lead rope and even though she would follow me for a while , soon she figured that the fresh growing alfalfa was too tempting . Hahaha ! Ron and I worked on the new shed . Ron got some sheets for the floor , roof and walls and we put most of it on . The heaviest to do was the roof to get the sheets on top . But they are screwed on and it looks awesome . It only needs one more sheet at the lean too part . We have to frame the window , make the door and cut some sheets on size , and once those are screwed on , I can paint the shed . It starts to look great ! During the day we had wonderful temperatures . But oh boy . . . did it ever went down at night ! It was only 5c ! Our furnace is not working and Ron can 't figure out what is the problem . So we heated up the trailer with the stove burners , but you can 't do that all night . We woke up a few times from the cold and had to get up to put the burners on for a few minutes . When Ron woke up in the morning , he asked me if it snowed yet . Hahaha ! Yep , it felt that cold ! Later in the day the temperatures went up to 26c . So hot ! That 's is Saskatchewan . Just have to love it . Sunflowers blooming at our driveway entrance . What a happy sight ! When we arrived at LPine Meadow , the first thing we noticed was that our newest gate was down . It didn 't had a lock yet , just a rope to tie it with to the post . It came off and because we had very strong winds , the gate must have banged so much that the bottom hinge came off the gate and it fell off . For now I tied the gate with several ropes and we will fix it next weekend . Entering out driveway is a joy . At both sides my sunflowers are blooming so beautiful ! I wasn 't sure it would grow as many of the seeds are rather old . But . . . they came up and even though I hardly water them , they now all start to be in bloom . I have to make some photo 's of them soon . The frame of the shed is ready for walls and roof ! I made some mistakes and had to redo a few things , but now it 's good enough and can be finished . At the back of the shed , I 'm going to make a ' lean to ' , so we have a place to store our garden tractor . It will be easy accessible and during summer we can use it to store our snow blower . At one side of the shed I want to make a wood storage place . It will be very multi purpose ! I 've got a window I can frame and put in at one side , the side that looks out on the yard . ( later I will put shutters at the sides and hang a planter with flowers under the window ) But . . . I 'm going ahead too much . First walls , floor , roof and a door . That could take some time and lots of cutting . I did not measure before I started , just put the 4 pallets down and worked around them . It will work , just needs a little more time . I was having a break in the 5th wheel and suddenly I saw an bald eagle flying over . I went out with the camera , but too late . . . he flew over the trees and out of sight . Amazing and beautiful prey bird ! Later I saw a squirrel playing behind the 5th wheel , running around and then quickly left into the trees . So cute to watch those little critters . They are getting used to us now we 're here almost daily . The most amazing thing that happened today was that we saw an Elk ! First I thought I saw Freya walkingFlicka and Freya at sunset in the little pasture . We saw an Elk this morning . No photo , but I found one on the internet . This is how an elk looks like . Notice the color of the Elk and Freya . No wonder I thought huh ? What is Freya doing in those woods ? ? LOL We had some busy but wonderful days at our acreage . When I visited my friend Carol last week , she gave me some Global Peace Flags . They are hand made in Kathmandu , Nepal . The idea of the flags is as they wave in the wind , prayer / peace flags lift up and carry our wishes for compassion , peace and healing around the earth . Prayer flags encourage us to live more mindfully and help us to restore our own inner calm . A more peaceful world still must begin in each of us , one open heart at a time . A very nice present ! I hung them up in the trees that look out on our yard . They look so joyfully ! Ron and I had a tea and we were talking about what chores we would do that day . Ron wanted to tidy up around the 5th wheel . But . . . . where to put everything ? My mind was working and working and then I said : " I 'm going to build a shed ! I don 't know how and with what , but I 'm going to build something to store our things for coming winter . " We have a little tent shed , but the roof part is ripped in the last storm , so not that good for another winter . While I would start with building a shed , Ron would make some more trails in the back of our property . I put 4 pallets together in a square . Then I took a couple of garden ties , dig holes at the corners and in the middle and put the ties in there . I leveled them and then attached them with 2x4 's . Then I ran out of 2x4 's and by that time it was time for supper anyway . Ron had made lots of trails . They are going up and down hill and all around . I have 4 points where I can enter the trails from our yard . The sunset was breath taking with beautiful colors . I was walking around and the cats were following me like usual . They love to go for a walk with me . More then the dog . She rather stays around the trailer most of the time . I found a mole hill and showed the cats the entrance . They had killed a big mole the day before as I found it in the arena . Right away the cats were smelling in the hill entrance . I hope they will catch lots of them as they are every where . No gophers or grStart of our shed . Penny 's last day in our yard . We will miss our cute little pony . It 's nice to know we will be kept up dated about her by her new owner . Yesterday after our supper , I looked outside as I saw something coming from the woods behind our trailer . A tiny squirrel ran right into our screen room . It wanted to go straight ahead , then was stopped by the screen bottom flaps . It started to panic and ran around the screen room . Our cat Hunter was sitting outside the screen room that time and started to run after the squirrel . I jumped up to help and then noticed he was in the little kids pool with water , that we have in the screen room . We have some very hot days of 26c to 32c and I love to sit in it and cool off for a bit . The poor squirrel must have thought it could walk on water . Probably this was his first bath ever , as there is no water around our acreage . He swam like a champ though and was able to climb out without making holes in the soft plastic the pool is made off . First we took Hunter and Taz in the trailer , as they were now both after the squirrel . Ron kept them in while I looked for something to help the squirrel . I found a piece of wood next to our deck . I went into the screen room , holding the square piece of wood in front of me . The squirrel was hanging in a top corner , so scared and totally soaked from his bath . I held the piece of wood in front of him , pushing it on his back legs . He turned around and while I was talking softly to him , I tried to get him to put his feet on the wood , and he did . I kept the wood as still as possible and carried the squirrel to an opening at the bottom where the zipper wasn 't fully closed . He jumped off and ran back into the woods . I was so happy I could help this little baby squirrel . He was so cute ! Earlier that day we had found a dead bird and a piece of squirrel tail under the trailer . The cats had some hunting done the day before . The day before yesterday I had a Skype meeting with Leslie , a horse clicker trainer from Arizona , USA . Skype is amazing . We can talk and she can see me while I was riding and working with Freya , my Norwegian Fjord horse . We 're working on getting her softer to respond on my rRon coming back from making trails with the mower . Can 't wait to go for a ride with Flicka on those trails ! What a great days we had again on our little getaway . It was very very hot in the afternoons so we kept that time for resting . Our siesta time . Our two farm cats really got used fast to their new summer home . So many mice they catch ! They are great hunters . They do upset the squirrels that live in the woods . Every time when Hunter and Taz would go for a stroll in the woods , looking for mice , the squirrels would start to make their squeaky and high pitched sounds . They won 't stop until the cats are OUT of the woods . It 's amazing that I never seen a squirrel since we have L Pine Meadow , until we took the cats with us . Now I see them all the time , as they come right up to where the tree line starts . They even come right up the two big water containers we have stored in a part of the yard . Yesterday early evening I went to see them , and one of the many squirrels was brave enough to jump around on the containers , looking at me with big curious eyes . Then it saw our cat Hunter who followed me ( she follows me most of the time where ever I go ) and ran into the woods . Hunter right away went after the squirrel but he / she was way too fast for her . Squirrels are so noisy when they get upset ! The little one was loud for many minutes and only slowed down once the cats moved away from that part of the yard . I love to observe the squirrels . I had to wait so long to finally see them , now I can 't get enough of it . LOL It 's nice to be able to make photo 's or a movie of them . Ron and I also moved our screen room a little bit away from the 5th wheel . It was blocking my view towards the pasture and arena . Our screen room was a little bit crooked before , but after we moved it over a little bit , it ended up standing beautifully straight . We also bought a tiny little kids pool , one of those 3 ring inflatable things . We filled it up with water , and there we go . . . . our own private cool down pool . We set it up in the screen room so we could cool off relaxed and not be bugged with mosquito 's or flies . What a luxury ! It really helpFilling up our pool . Our fire place gave lots of smoke and helped to get rid of mosquito 's . The smoke went all the way to the little pasture . Great for the horses ! We have spend some nights at L Pine Meadow the last few weeks . Ron is healing up nicely from his surgery and radiation and every day he feels a little better . He 's taking it easy , doesn 't do any hard work and rest when he 's tired . At L Pine it 's not that difficult to relax . We enjoy so much to be there . Yesterday we took our two farm cats to L Pine . We really need cats there for mice and moles . We do feed them but we saw Taz , the little black cat ( she 's 4 years old now ) catch a tiny little mouse . They always hunt and even though they were house cats for a few years , they did not forget how to hunt ! Hunter , Taz 's sister , loved it too and would run and jump and roll in the sand . For them this is paradise . They were born out side 4 years ago , lived on a farm yard for 2 years and then we took them home and they were house cats for 2 years . But it 's in their blood to be outside . Once they investigated our yard , they went into the woods . The squirrels got totally upset and were making noises to scare the cats away . But Taz and Hunter didn 't care about them and would explore the woods in spite of the warning noises of the squirrels . I finally got a chance to make a photo of one of the many squirrels that are in our woods . I was talking to him and he didn 't mind . He would just keep on making those " get out of here cats ! ' " sounds . So loud ! LOL We had a nice visit of our dear friends Ed and Darlene . They loved our place . While we were talking , suddenly a big flock of pelicans flew over . What a beautiful and exotic birds they are . Amazing to see them in prairie country . Ed and Darlene were so nice to bring us apples for the horses and for us , plus a jar of home made raspberry jam . Mmmmmm ! Very sweet of them . We had a great visit . It was so nice to see them again , as it was a while ago . Soon we will have to go to visit them and see their beautiful garden . Darlene and I went to see the horses and I wiped them off as the flies were bad . Suddenly they spooked and turned towards the woods , staring at the tOne part of the bales . The other ones are stacked somewhere else . It will have a roof to protect from rain . Just no time today . After the painting of the posts and gate was done , I mowed under the fence line . It did not take long to do that as it is just a straight stretch . Good exercise ! Ron and I hung up the gate . In the future we will change the hinges that go two ways , but for now it 's one way and it works . I still have to paint the piece of 2x4 we put on it to keep the gate straight . Paul came to help me out one day to get the wire ready . It 's a little more difficult to get the wire done , as it 's not on a spool but rolled up by hand . In fact we should have 3 people to do it , but it is too dangerous for Ron with the spinning and jumping wires . But Paul and I managed it . Yesterday morning Ron and I tightened it and attached the ends to the end posts . Even though there wasn 't any electricity on it yet , we let the horses in their new pasture and let them graze . They were soooo exited and happy . Their little pasture was getting very low in grass . I kept an eye on them while they were grazing and did the finishing touches . While I was working , a flock of pelicans flew over . Beautiful ! After around 2 hours of grazing they went back to their little pasture and I locked the gate to the big pasture . They were ready to be wiped off with fly wipe and were waiting for me . Then I filled up their water and wet the ground around the water tub so their hooves got some soaking , which is good for them . When everything was done , the horses were resting . Full belly , a good drink of fresh water and no bugs . . . . time to have a nap . This morning we opened the gate to the big pasture around 8 . 00 am . While they were grazing I watered the veggy garden and did some more finishing touches on the big pasture fence . First I checked the wires in the woods and all looked fine . Then I connected the top wires with the hot ones of the little pasture , so now there is electricity all around the big pasture too . After I taped off any sharp edges along the fence line and put strips of tape at the top wire for visibility for horses and wild life . I don 't want wild lOur first blooming sunflower alongside the driveway . Thursday afternoon I went to LPine Meadow . The first thing I did was wipe of the horses with a bug repellent . They were waiting in line for their turn . They know exactly what will happen as soon I wipe them off : no annoying horse flies or mosquito 's on their body . After the horses were done , I cleaned out the tub and filled it with fresh water for them . Then I put hoof heal on their hooves . Flicka wasn 't in the mood for it . She doesn 't like the smell of it . Hahaha ! Penny was very curious and stood so still when I was putting it on her hooves , it was cute . Freya needs it most and she was wonderful . I did not need to halter them to do their hooves . They behave so well . After the horses were taken care off they started to graze , but this time relaxed and in peace . Horse flies are the bad part of summer and wiping them off helps a lot to give them some rest . I started with painting the rest of the posts of the second pasture . I had the radio going . Love some music during the job . : - ) It was a beautiful afternoon . Not too hot with a nice breeze . A couple of hours and all posts and the gate were done . Next thing is mowing the tall grass under the wire line so it won 't interfere with the bottom wire when it 's wet . Then hang the gate and put the wire up . It won 't take too long . And it 's sooo much fun to see it coming together . I know I paint the posts mainly for visability for horses and wildlife . . . . but wow . . . it sure looks nice ! In the future the whole pasture fence line will be wood . Posts are already put in in a way we just ad a post between them and it will fit the 2 by 4 's . Painting the posts wasn 't that much work . A couple of afternoons , that was all . I 'm very happy with the result . Little Up Date . July 25 2012 We had a hectic time the last few months . In May Ron had to have unexpected surgery as cancer was found in his mouth and jaw . The surgery took over 8 hours and recovery from this was painful and uncomfortable . Once Ron was recovered enough from the surgery , radiation treatments started . For these daily treatments he had to stay in Regina during the week and only could come home for the weekends . In the middle of Ron 's treatments we also had to move our horses from the boarding place within 2 weeks ! We had the plan to move them early Spring , but with Ron 's illness we had to postpone it , as working at LPine Meadow was just not possible . We only had put the fence posts in the ground and wired through the woods . Unfortunately some people are not very considerate of our situation and so we had to get the pasture ready in a rush to move the horses over . This was the most stressed time for Ron of course , something he really couldn 't use at that time . Lucky we had Paul and Katie , his girlfriend , who helped us out right away . What a sweet thoughtful kids ! Every morning Paul and I would be at the acreage at 6 . 00 am and worked until it was just too hot . ( we had temperatures between 25c / 30c ) Paul was awesome . But . . . we got it done . Saturday July 14 Paul , Shaun and I walked over our horses from that boarding place to the new pasture . It was a 15 minute walk and the horses did great . What a good girls ! The walk was a very relaxed one . Flicka did wonderful , taking care of Paul who doesn 't has much experience with horses . Shaun had Penny , the little pony I bought . This little thing was never out of her pasture or the arena , and she was just amazing . I had Freya and she just loved it to look around and following my lead . All 3 were very well behaved girls . We let them in the their new pasture and right away they started to graze . Ah . . . good grass ! They just loved it ! After they settled down they had a good drink from the clean fresh water . Paul and Shaun went back to the boarding place to get my round pen panels and wooden Finally Ron can relax now the horses are over . We had a nice cozy evening at L Pine Meadow . Of course . . . . with a fire going ! June 5 2012 Paul and two friends painting the posts of the first pasture . We do this so the horses will have a clear view of their fence line . It also looks nice . : - ) Working with the horses is so much more fun in a peaceful environment . Here I 'm teaching Freya not to be scared for a big ball . With clicker training it 's a piece of cake . July 25 2012 Posts of second pasture are almost all painted . Just a few more , then the wire can put in . The horses will love this pasture ! So much bush and trees for them to shelter for hot sun or wind and rain . We had prepared everything to pound in the posts but there was still frost in the ground at the shady spots . So we waited and waited and waited and finally I could dig a hole without a problem . The frost is gone . We hope to pound the posts in this weekend . Yay ! Once the posts are in , we will try to get Paul and some of his friends to come over and we have a Paint Party ! All posts need to be painted white . I like to have a good visible fence line for the horses , plus it also looks nice , right ? It will be fun to have a Paint Party ! While waiting for the frost to be out of the ground , I prepared my vegetable garden . I choose a nice sunny spot , and put garden ties around it . It will be a small one for now , as we will be very busy this summer with building the horse shelter , sheds and of course our cabin . But I still wanted to grow some veggies . The garden is on a spot where I can expand it easily . I tilled the ground with a shovel , killing the weeds . Yesterday I raked all the dead weeds out and it look great ! We just have to ad some good soil and fertilizer and it 's ready for planting . The agility obstacle parts are getting slowly together . We got lots of old tires , I have my curtain made , we got barrels and colored poles and some wooden ' bridges ' . I also found some old pond liner that I will use to make a water stream for the horses to walk through . The agility course will be awesome ! Can 't wait to put it all together . Our dog Scruffy is very happy to be out at the acreage again . She runs and runs and sleeps so well at night . She 's getting back to her right weight . She got a little stubby during winter , as am I . Hahaha ! I bought a new pony named Penny . Just a little one , 10hh , around 3 years old . She needs lots of training . She halters nice but leading is still new to her and she don 't like brushing her tail and get nervous when I am brushing or touching her back . I worked with her a few times and she 's doing so well . Very playful little thing and a great summer project . The veggy garden . March 20 2012This year we have a lovely early Spring . Yay ! We are able to get into our acreage again and start working . The snow is as good as gone and we had so much wind the last few days , it will dry things up fast . During the winter we tried to go in one time with the truck but we got stuck . Hm , no fun to dig us out of the deep snow . We managed , but we stayed out of it the rest of the winter . Monday we had a look and we can see the ground again . Now we have to go shopping . We will get some seed for the pasture first . It 's rather thin so better to give it a little boost . After seeding we can start with fencing . First alongside the tree line and then we will put the posts in with a post pounder that you can put on the truck and drive alongside the fence line . Makes the work a lot easier ! Once we have the fencing up and running , we can bring the horses over . As soon the horses are over , we can start building our cabin and between I will build our agility course . It will be busy but soooo much fun ! The pastures , looking to the south . |
Okay , let 's try again now that I feel a bit more sure ! This fic is an Ikarishipping fic called " Guns n ' Roses " For those of you who do not knw what Ikarishipping is , it 's the pairing of Dawn and Paul . From the new series . It 's rated PG - 13 for violence and some bad language . Some . It 's pretty shippy and it 'll probably have a small Advanceshipping scene . Anyways I 'm new here and I 'm not used to much around here so please don 't get mad if I do something , just correct me . I 'm sorry if I do something wrong . Okay , here goes , please R & R ! ~ Guns n ' Roses ~ Rated PG - 13 For Violence and bad language Rain pattered loudly on the smudgy window . The crystal drops dribbled down it slowly leaving a wet trail . Thunder bellowed hard and soft , and the lightning cracked in the sky . Dawn looked up at the gray clouds moving quickly . The fifteen - year old rested her elbows on the window sill and pressed her smooth hands against her soft cheeks . Her dark blue eyes shone with sadness and problems . A pink bracelet encircled her wrist loosely . It was a valuable pearl bracelet her father had given to her . Before he was mysteriously murdered when she was eleven . Dawn 's mother had also gone to jail from drunk driving , she was freed four months ago and then married another man , Randy Henshaw , Dawn 's greatest nightmare . Her mother was hardly home and if she was , she 'd be passed out on the floor after a large dose of alcohol . Dawn 's step - father , Randy was no better . When her mother was gone , he 'd get drunk and break open her door , yelling at her , many times abusing her . The pretty girl never understood why he did such a horrible thing . Now when he came in , she 'd hide and fear would be all she felt , watching him tear at her room wildly . She always made up excuses when her teacher asked her about her bruises . She was crying on the inside but no one could see it . No one . Dawn got up from her bed and walked over to her nightstand . Her room was pretty empty and all she had was a nightstand with some clothes , a closet which only held her yellow duffle bag , and a small bed with a neatly folded blanket on it and and her stuffed octopus , Otis . She picked up a picture from her nightstand and stared at it with deep , sad eyes . It was a picture of her , her father , and her mother in The Fantastic Island , an amusement park which her family went to on her 5th birthday . Her father was holding her on his shoulders and smiling , her mother was smiling warmly as well . Of course this picture was taken before her father 's death . Dawn 's father had mysteriously died one night . He was shot , but the murderer was unknown due to the amount of small ~ The End of the Prologue ~ Posts 2 , 030 Hi , fellow Ikarishipper ! I loved the Prolouge , very well written actually . I think you did have correct spacing too . I enjoyed this , and continue ! Dawn looked up at the gray clouds moving quickly . The fifteen - year old rested her elbows on the window sill and pressed her smooth hands against her soft cheeks . Her dark blue eyes shone with sadness and question . You should say " problems " I think . You 're talking about Dawn being sad , or very lonely right ? But , yeah . it 's also right . Posts 56 Oh thank you for the improvements ! I am going to edit it . Thank you so much ! I do need room for improvement though . Thank you ! ^_^ I 'm going to have to edit the first chapter a little though . And thank you for the word problems , I was searching for a word that would go with the sentence . The door broke open and Randy stomped in , his eyes wild with anger . " Dawn ! Get the hell out of you hiding space ! " He yelled . He looked around the room , under her bed , and in her closet . " Dawn ! Where the crap are you ? ! " He glared . He then saw her open window . ' Don 't tell me . . . ' he thought Posts 81 To be honest , I don 't think Dawn 's mother would be Drinking or doing anything like that . Put me on your PM list , kay ? Wish you luck ! Posts 56 I know Dawn 's mother wouldn 't do such thing . I 'm just trying to make it interesting . Thanks though ! I 'll put you on meh PM list ! ^^ Okay ! First chapter up ! I hope you guys like it ! I know the camping part may sound weird but she only wanted to camp by him . Oops ! Please R & R ! Enjoy ! Dawn tiredly walked through the forest . She was covered in scars from the thick branches and her head was bleeding from hitting her head on a sharp rock when she tripped . She was in searing pain and was extremely tired but she had to find a good place to rest . Dawn stumbled over to a tree , and grasped a limb . Oh … I can 't go on much longer … She thought , her mind racing wearily . She fell to the ground and felt her head rest on the soft green grass . She just closed her deep blue eyes and went to sleep . The sun beamed down on the forest hard , lightening up the trees . Birds twittered loudly in the day and the soft breeze gently made the flowers sway . A lavender haired boy walked slowly through the forest wearing a dark blue , and black jacket . The sun shown brightly on his blue jeans and bag . His eyes were sharp and serious . The boy 's name was Paul . Paul wasn 't very ordinary . He had run away from his home to see what the real world was like , he hated being cooped up at home . He was hardly aloud to go out because his parents always pinned him to his studies . Paul had never had an inch of fun and because of his boring life , he was pretty sharp and bad - tempered . Paul did know what went on around the world . He knew that there were murders , robberies , and other bad things , he just wanted to see more of it . The boy sighed . Was he ever going to see something interesting ? Paul pressed his hand to his forehead . He had been walking pretty far now . " Damn . How long does this forest go on ? " He complained to himself . He was starting to feel really annoyed now . Paul kept walking through the thick area , hoping to see someone . He then stopped and saw a yellow duffle bag . What the ? Who the hell leaves a bag like that in the forest ? He asked himself . He then walked closer and then saw a blue haired girl . He widened his eyes and quickly walked over to her . Paul looked down at her and saw her chest rising and falling slowly . Alright , why would a girl sleep here of all places ? Crazy idiot . He said silently . He then bent his head down and saw she was covered in fresh cuts . Part of him felt that he should help her , and the other half just said for him to get a life . Okay , okay . If you help , she 's gonna thank you . If you don 't help , you 'll probably see her again and feel that sour feeling in your stomach . Okay , so I should help her , I hate that damn sour feeling . Paul thought . He opened up his bag and began to dig through it , looking for his first - aid materials . Dawn squeezed her eyelids and then felt herself awakening from " I 'm Dawn - Wait ! This isn 't the same place I fell asleep . " She said , looking around . Paul nodded . " It isn 't , Dawn . You were in front of a whole town , so I brought you here . Dimwit " He replied , stirring some chili in a pot . Dawn ignored his insult . " I hate to admit it , but yes , and I also took care of your wounds . Learn to take care of yourself . " He said , not taking his eyes off of his food . Dawn felt her cheeks turn pink but then she shook away the feeling . " So … um … Do you live around here ? " Dawn asked , her voice was quiet . " No . I left home to go out and see the world for myself . Now I 'm camping out here . I could check into a hotel but I don 't see any around so I 'm glad I brought my tent . " Paul said sharply . " So … you 're going to camp out here ? " Dawn . " Yeah . Pretty much . " He muttered . " Um , Paul ? " Dawn asked quietly . " What is it ? " " Even though I don 't know you very well , I seem to feel safe around you . You don 't sound or look like a pervert . Could I camp out here as well for a while ? " She stammered . " What ? Like I 'd let you camp out here near me . " He said sharply . He then looked up at her and saw a hurt look . He sighed with annoyance . " Okay , fine . You can camp out here . Even though I hardly know you . Aren 't you supposed to be at home with your parents anyways ? " Dawn looked down the instant he said the word " parents " . " N - no reason . Thanks for letting me camp here . " She replied . After Dawn and Paul 's conversation , Dawn had helped to set up camp . Paul was still annoyed at the idea , but Dawn kept telling him about perverts . Paul watched as she slowly set up a tent , not getting mad when it fell down sometimes . Dawn straightened out the tent and made it firm so it wouldn 't fall down . She then went to work on Paul 's tent which Paul didn 't mind her doing , he did hate putting up his tent . He watched as she made his look nice and not saggy like it looked the way he did it . She seemed like a nice person , but troubled by something . Paul went back to stirring his chili which was looking pretty good now . " Alright , I 'm finished setting up your tent , I still don 't know why you couldn 't set up your own camp . " He heard Dawn say . The blue - haired girl sat down next to him and looked down . Paul stopped stirring and then gave his wooden spoon to Dawn . " Hold this . " He simply said and got out two bowls from his bag . Dawn held the spoon up and got a handkerchief out from her duffle bag . She then cleaned the spoon 's top and then sprawled the handkerchief on the ground , setting the wooden spoon on top of it . Paul handed her a bowl of chili . " Here . Chili . " He said , digging into his own bowl . Dawn looked down at it hesitantly . Paul looked up at her . " Never had chili ? " He asked . Dawn shook her head . " My … my parents weren 't usually home so I 'm not used to cooked foods . " Dawn replied , still staring at her chili . Paul sighed with annoyance . Dawn frowned . " Fine , I 'll eat some . " She scoffed . She then lifted her spoon up slowly and put it in her mouth , taking it out and nibbling a little . She then swallowed and widened her eyes . " I - it 's one of the nicest things I 've tasted . Thank you . " She said , her voice gentle and small . Paul sighed again . " You don 't like it , do you ? " He asked , knowing the answer . Dawn shook her head grimly . " I 'm sorry . I 'm not used to spice . " She said , hoping she didn 't hurt his feelings . To her surprise , Paul laughed . " Ah I felt like you 'd hate it . It 's got lots of pepper , just the way I like it . " He smirked . Dawn glared at him and then put her bowl down . " I 'm going to sleep . " She said sharply and then walked into her tent . Paul shrugged and picked up the dirty bowls , dumping out Dawn 's unfinished chili . He then yawned and took Dawn 's handkerchief , which she had left behind and started to wipe the bowls clean . He then set them into his bag , bending down to get into his tent . The stars shone brightly in the middle of the night . The moon glowed the brightest , making the stars seem dull . The dark night sky hid two tents in the forest . One tent zipped open quietly . Dawn slipped out of the tent quietly , grasping Otis in her right arm . She walked outside and carefully sat herself down on a log , looking up at the sky . " Dad , how is everything up there ? I hope it 's better than here . I ran away from home . I just couldn 't stay there anymore . I thought home was a place that was adored and a place that couldn 't be feared , but ever since Randy came , it 's turned into the opposite of what a home should be . I 'm camping out near a boy 's camp who helped me . He doesn 't seem bad . I could see it in his eyes . For some reason , I feel a bit safer here than at home . Thanks for listening Dad . I love you . " She said . A large lump fell onto her throat . She looked down and clutched Otis tighter . Paul stirred around in his sleep restlessly . He sat up and opened his eyes , knowing that it was morning . He zipped his tent open and walked out , stretching his muscles . He stopped when he saw Dawn sitting on the log holding onto a stuffed octopus . He slowly walked behind her . " Still play with dolls , eh ? " He smirked . Dawn jumped as his voice came out of nowhere . She turned her head behind her and frowned with annoyance . " No ! For your information , this is a stuffed animal . I 've had this since I was two ! " She snapped . Paul grinned . " Whoah there , don 't get too loud . " He widened his eyes with amusement . Dawn got up and scowled at him . " Never mind . There 's no use arguing with you . I 'm getting my stuff . " She huffed angrily . She then walked off . Paul stared as she walked off , his eyes full of success . " Getting people ticked is one of my hobbies . " He snickered . He then walked away , gathering his belongings as well . As soon as the two were done packing , Paul began to walk off alone . Dawn looked up quickly . " Hey wait ! Where are you going ? " She asked , picking her duffle bag up and slinging it over her shoulder . Paul didn 't answer and just kept walking . " Hey ! " Dawn stumbled over to him , catching up behind him . " What ? " Paul asked . " Why didn 't you wait for me ? " She asked . " We 're not traveling together if that 's what you 're suggesting . " Paul said . Dawn 's face turned blush pink . " I can 't take care of you all the time Dawn . " He said stopping . Dawn 's expression filled with anger and determination . " I can take care of myself ! I was just going say thank you for helping me ! But you don 't seem to want my gratitude so goodbye ! " She yelled , stalking off . Paul watched as she stormed away and then shrugged his shoulders and started to walk again . Dawn ran through the forest , her mind fueled with anger . The nerve of him ! To say I can 't take care of myself ! The next time I see him , I 'll show him ! Dawn 's mind stormed . She kept running faster and faster . Dawn panted as she walked into town . It wasn 't her home town , but it was close to it . She walked on the sidewalk , her eyes looking weary . She stopped near an alley to and put her hand on the wall . She then looked ahead of her and stared beyond the town . I wonder where Paul is now . She thought . " Hey babe . " A voice said from the shadows of the alley . Dawn jerked around and stepped back at the sound . " What - " She felt a hand pull her into the dark alley and then someone 's hands on her shoulder . The hands pushed her against the cold wall hard , causing Dawn to wince . " Hey , you 're little Dawn Hart , correct ? " The voice asked . His voice sounded creepy and hoarse . " What ? ! Hey ! Let go of me ! " Dawn spat trying to push the guy off of her . The hands pushed her back harder . " You 're daddy wants you . He sent us to get you . But just before I deliver him to you , I want to have a little fun babe . " He snickered . Dawn widened her eyes . Randy ? Fun ? No ! ! " No ! Stop it ! " She shrieked . The boy edged his face closer to her , pinning her fully against the wall with his body . Dawn tried to move but couldn 't break free from his lock . The boy moved more closer . Dawn closed her eyes in distress , knowing she could do nothing . ~ End of Chapter One ~ Posts 81 Nice , Shinjii sounded like Drew and Dawn sounded like May . Your story gets better and better . Although , the last part really grosses me out . Wish - You - Luck ! Posts 32 wow this is a great story ! I love sad stories that have suspense ! Poor Dawn , and Paul being kind of a jerk to her . He kinda reminds me of Drew , so maybe his personality should be focused more towards the real Paul from the series ? Basically he likes to say the word loser and all , but I love this story and I want to read more ! I 'm not really a supporter of ikarishipping , I 'm a total penguinshipper , but wow , it 's amazing ! Could you please add me to your PM list , and let me know when the next chapter is out ? Thanks , and keep it up ! There were only a few typos , but I have them , too , so it 's great ! I can 't wait for the next chapter ! I hope Paul saves Dawn ^^ Posts 56 Thank you ! ^ ^ I promise I 'll let you know about the second chapter ! Thanks ! And the typos , eh heh I think I need to edit my chapters before I post them . Thank you though ! 8D Posts 56 Okay ! The second chapter 's up ! I hope you guys will like this one ! It may not be too long . Please R & R ! Enjoy ! Dawn closed her eyes in distress and waited for the sickly moment . Suddenly , the weight of the boy was lifted and she heard a high pitched shriek . Dawn 's eyes flew open and she saw who she 'd never expect . A lavender haired boy drew back his fist from a guy on the ground . Paul ! Dawn 's mind screamed . " Away from the girl , freak . " Paul said . The other guys were about to lunge at him wildly but Paul grabbed Dawn and took out a black gun , holding it to her head . Dawn widened her eyes with fear . Was he really going to do it ? Paul bent his face towards hers . " I 'm not gonna shoot you . " He whispered . Dawn gulped and hoped it was the truth . Paul pulled her closer to him and glared at the gang of thugs . She felt her face go red at the fact of being so close to him . " I 'll kill this girl if you don 't let me leave . " He narrowed his eyes . The boys glared at Paul , but the man who was slugged by him stood up and held his hand in front of them to make them stop . Dawn guessed he was the leader . She clutched onto her yellow bag fearfully . " Henshaw said he wanted her alive . Either we go up to him and tell him she 's dead , or we get her next time and rake in the cash . " He said , his glare burned at Dawn and Paul . The other guys nodded and stepped back farther into the alley . Paul stepped back , still holding onto Dawn and his gun still pointed at her head . He then slipped away from the thugs . Dawn trembled as Paul ran along with her . " They 'll chase us . " She said , her voice quiet and cracked . Paul narrowed his eyes , knowing it was true . He stopped and raised his hand up . A dark yellow taxi with some black spots on it drove up and stopped . Paul opened the car door and shoved Dawn inside , getting inside as well . He then closed the door . " Where too ? " The driver asked smiling . " Emerald Park . " Paul said . Dawn glanced over at Paul . " Thanks for saving me . " She said . Paul looked over at her . " You should stay away from those alleys . They 're infested with thugs . " He said . " Why did you save me ? " She asked . " Dawn , they said something about a man wanting you . You 're worth money . Why ? " Paul asked , ignoring her question . Dawn looked down silently . " Dawn ? " He asked . Dawn looked up at him with sorrowful eyes . " If I told you why , you 'd turn me into him for the money . " She said . Paul looked over at the driver to see if he was listening . " Are you listening to our conversation ? " He asked . The driver chuckled . " No sir ! I 'm just listening for the word money ! And pie . My wife bakes such good pies ! Wow ! I 'm already hungry ! Ha ha ! " He l " You have a gun ? ! " She yelled . Paul put his hand on his ear . " Now you ask me ? " He said . " Well I didn 't want to say it in the taxi with the driver and all , " Dawn muttered . " And why 'd you take me here ? " She asked . " Did you want them to follow us ? Paul asked as he turned on her and began walking towards a bench . Dawn walked towards the bench as well and sat down . Paul sat down beside her and folded his legs . He then flicked his eyes onto her . " So you 're wanted ? For what ? " He asked . Dawn glared at him . " Why should I tell you ? And why did you come and save me ? I thought we parted ways ! " She narrowed her eyes . Paul sighed with annoyance . " I heard him say something about a man called " Henshaw " . " He said , his voice was full of pure venom as he said ' Henshaw ' . Dawn looked up . " Why did you say his name like that ? " She asked . Paul didn 't answer . His eyes were even more piercing this time . " Randy Henshaw , " He finally said . " Is a man I despise . " He said . Dawn widened her eyes . " Randy Henshaw is the name of my step - father ! " She exclaimed . Paul widened his eyes and looked at her . " You 're his daughter ? " He asked , his eyes glazed . Dawn shrank down . " N - no . H - he 's my step - father . " Dawn said sadly looking down . " I was afraid of him . Even now because he … " She trailed off . Paul softened his gaze knowing that she didn 't like him just as much as he did . " What did he do ? " Paul asked . Dawn closed her eyes and began . ~ Flashback ~ The door banged loudly . Dawn knew what that meant . She jumped down and under her bed , trembling with fear , hoping that it wouldn 't go wrong . The door broke open and Randy stalked in , his eyes glazed . " Dawn ! Where the hell are you ! ? " He shrieked . Dawn didn 't say a thing , knowing that he was pretty drunk . Her eyes burned with tears as Randy threw her things down and tore through her room . He grabbed Otis and threw him against the wall . He stopped and narrowed his eyes . " Damn it . " He said as he walked out of her room , slamming the door hard behind him . Dawn tiptoed out from under her bed and locked the door quietly . She then turned and looked at her room sadly . She walked over to Otis and picked him up , hugging him tightly . She then looked up out of her window with sorrowful eyes . " I wish you were still here father . " She said , her voice shaking . She then looked outside of her window and saw her mother 's car driving up the parking lot in front of the apartments . She watched as she walked out , smoking a cigarette as she stepped into the building . Dawn sighed as she saw her , wishing that she would stop her bad habits of drinking and smoking . She then sat down on her bed and held Otis closer , hoping that the future would hold the best . " He was very polite when my mother met him , but then I found out his true self . " She closed her eyes in distress . " Is that why you were in the forest instead of home ? " He asked . Dawn nodded grimly and looked down . " For some reason , I had a feeling that maybe he was the one who killed my real father but there was never enough proof . I 'm still afraid . " She trembled . Paul watched as she swam through her hard memories . Suddenly he felt pretty bad about teasing her . I hate you Paul . He said as he closed his eyes . " Why don 't you like Randy ? How do you even know him ? " Dawn asked as she looked up . Paul glanced over at her . " Randy Henshaw … Is my father 's enemy and has been . " He said , sounding like he 'd kill Randy . Dawn widened her eyes . " They were enemies because of many things . There was a woman , her name was Isabella Carter . My father loved her a lot . Randy Henshaw liked her too . One night when my father was going to tell her his feelings about her , he saw Randy holding her hand and walking with her in the mall . He was heart broken but loved Isabella and respected her wishes . Then Randy and her got married , but my father didn 't show up to their wedding . When they were married , Isabella 's father bought them a house , a big and nice one . My father always looked from afar , always making sure that Isabella was happy . He always felt sick when he saw the two together . But one night Randy was tired of Isabella . He started seeing another woman without her knowing until one night she saw him kiss the other woman . Isabella was so devastated . She loved Randy a lot . She was practically broken when she fund out he was cheating on her . Randy said he was tired of her and left her , her heart broken . My father tried to cheer her up by giving her presents , but one night she committed suicide , leaving a note saying that she loved my father and wished the best for him . My father was broken at her death and tried to get rid of it , he fell in love again , with my mother but he never forgot about Isabella . It " You mean get Randy arrested ? " He asked . Dawn nodded slowly . She then shook her head . " What 's the use ? No one 's going to believe us . We 're only teenagers and I don 't think you 'd want my help . " She said , looking down . Paul looked away . " Maybe if you did help me and I helped you , we could get Randy into jail . You 'd feel safer and I 'd feel that I 've made my father proud . So … You up to it ? " He asked , " It 'll be pretty dangerous . " Dawn stared at him . " I 'm willing to help you . But would you like me to ? " She asked . Paul nodded and grinned determinedly . " Alright then it 's settled . We 'll team up and prove Randy Henshaw 's bad news . That 's something I 've always wanted to do . " He said standing up . Dawn felt a bit better now . She was going to prove that her step - father was a menace with a friend . The corners of her mouth rose up . It had been a while since Dawn had smiled . Paul turned to her . " One more thing . Don 't get all weird about this , kay ? " Dawn rolled her eyes and nodded . " Okay good . Come on . I know someone who can get us a ride around the city to collect information . " He said walking off . Dawn ran up to him and began to walk by him , knowing that maybe her life would take a bigger turn . Dawn and Paul had been walking for a long time , the sun slowly sank as they did . Dawn groaned . " I 'm so tired . Why couldn 't we take a taxi ? " She asked . Paul seemed tired and cranky too . " Taxi are expensive . You know how much I paid that frozen - brained idiot ? " He muttered . Dawn sighed and continued walking . Paul then stopped in front of a candy shop . Dawn stopped as well and looked up . " Why 'd you stop ? " She asked . " We 're here . " Paul replied . Dawn narrowed her eyes with annoyance . " A candy shop ? We walked all the way here to go to a stinking candy shop ? " Dawn glared at him . Paul groaned . " I 'll explain when we get inside . " He said and pushed her inside . Dawn stumbled into sweet smelling place with rows of candy , yet it was dark and no lights were on . " Wow … " She trailed off . Paul stepped inside and looked around . " Kengo ? It 's me , Paul . " He said . " Paul ! " A boy 's voice made Dawn jump . A brown haired boy switched the lights on and slapped Paul on the back . " Hey buddy ! It 's been a long time ! " He said . He then flicked his eyes over to Dawn . " What 's your name miss ? " He asked . " I 'm Dawn Hart . " She said . The boy smiled . " I 'm Kengo Ferset . I 'm taking care of this place while my father and mother are gone on a business trip . Pleased to meet you . " He took Dawn 's hand and kissed it . Dawn blushed a bit and Paul narrowed his eyes with annoyance and a hint of jealousy . " Uh Kengo , " Paul said grabbing the boy , " We need your help . " He said . Kengo grinned . " We ? She must be your girlfriend Paul . You got a pretty one . " He smiled . Paul gritted his teeth . " She 's not my girlfriend , she 's just a friend I 'm helping out . " He muttered . Kengo was still smiling . " Okay … " He said , grinning . " Do you still have your black SUV ? " Paul asked . Kengo nodded . " Yep , right under the shop . I 'm driving a nice Porsche now . The SUV is for other things . " He chuckled . Paul smiled . " Can we use your black SUV ? We 're being hunted down by these guys . " He said . Dawn widened her eyes . Did Paul know how to drive ? " Sure , anything to keep my pal from getting caught ! Come down here . " Kengo said opening a gray door and stepping inside . Paul did the same and glanced at Dawn , telling her to come . Dawn nodded and stepped in delicately . She looked around and saw it was just a small gray room with boxes of candy . Dawn looked around and then heard the door bell of the candy shop ring as someone stomped in . " Stay here . " Kengo said as he opened the door and closed it behind him . " Welcome to Candy Cove , what can I do for you ? " He smiled . Three men glared at him . One pushed him against the wall hard and pinned him there . Kengo widened his eyes and then narrowed them . " Where 's the girl ! ? We almost swear we saw her walk in here ! " Yelled the man . The boy raised his eyebrows . " Girl ? What girl ? " He asked . The man pushed him against the wall harder . " You know who we 're talking about ! She 's a girl with blue hair and carries a yellow bag around ! " He spat angrily . Kengo smiled cleverly . " Oh her ? I know where you can find her . " He said . Dawn 's heart pounded as she listened . She looked at Paul with fearful eyes . " Is he really going to tell ? " She whispered loudly . Paul grabbed her and put his hand over her mouth . " Shhh ! Not so loud ! " He said in a really quiet voice . Dawn blushed , her face turning a crimson red color . Paul let go of her and bent down . " Move Dawn . " He whispered . Dawn stepped back a little and watched . Paul lifted up a small dusty rug on the floor and threw it aside . Dawn widened her eyes as she saw a square doorway to a basement . The lavender haired boy quietly unlatched it and opened it . " Hurry , get down . " Paul said . Dawn looked down hesitantly , looking at the heig " No ! ! " She screamed as she came down . Paul looked up and then felt her crashing down on him , pain seared through him . Paul fell to the ground and opened his eyes wearily . Dawn rested on him , her head pressing against his chest . The two jerked their heads up immediately . Dawn leaped away from him . " I 'm really sorry Paul ! " She said , her cheeks turning red with embarrassment . Paul got up and looked away , hiding his red face . " That 's okay , next time do what I say . You almost killed me . " He said sharply . Dawn frowned at his words and then looked around . She widened her eyes . " Yes the blue haired girl ! She left a long time ago ! " Kengo said , chuckling . The man let go of Kengo and punched the wall angrily . " Damn it . We missed her ! " He shrieked . Kengo grabbed the man 's wrist hard and twisted it . " Don 't hurt or threaten a clerk . " He said and threw him back , making the man burst out of the shop . The other two glared at the clerk and ran out of Candy Cove . Kengo grinned . " Well done Kengo ! " He said to himself . He then turned to the door and opened it , stepping inside the small room . He looked down and saw that Dawn and Paul were already in the basement . " Hello ! " He said as he jumped down . Dawn and Paul turned to him . " That 's a large car ! " Dawn exclaimed , pointing to the big black SUV . Kengo nodded . " Yep ! This baby belonged to my father ! He gave it to me when I learned how to drive . " He smiled . A large noise came from up in the store . " Come out you sly little idiot ! " A man yelled . Kengo widened his eyes . " Oh no … It 's them ! Get in the car ! " The clerk yelled . Kengo grabbed some keys off a hanger in the basement and unlocked his car . Paul opened the front seat door and sat down , fastening his seatbelt . Kengo leaped into the driver 's seat , next to Paul and stuck the keys in , starting the car . Dawn opened the back door and sat down in the back of the car , locking the door . Kengo pressed a button on the front mirror and a large garage door opened , revealing the light . " This is a garage ? " Dawn asked . Paul looked back at her . " Yep ! Turns out to be ! " He said as Kengo drove out of the garage and into the city . The men dropped into the garage and looked around . One of them looked out of it and saw a black car driving out . " Simon , they 've escaped in a black car . " He said to a man in a gray jacket . " Then let 's follow them " Simon said , his eyes were piercing . " Yes sir ! " The other man said . They raced out of the garage and around the row of stores , including the Candy Cove . They hopped into a beat - up red car and drove off , looking around for the black SUV . Dawn felt so comfortable in the leather seats . She then twisted herself to look behind the car and then shrieked . Kengo swerved , almost crashing into a truck . " Dawn ! What the hell is wrong with you ? ! You almost made us crash ! " Paul spat in his usual derisive way . " I 'm sorry ! But they 're chasing us ! " She said frantically . Paul looked behind him and widened his eyes . " Faster KenWow ! I thought I 'd never finish it ! Thank you anybody who read . I hope you all liked it ! The third chapter 'll take long because I 'll be gone for a few days ! The third chapter is yet to come ! Posts 81 Wah ! You didn 't PM me for this ! But the story was still nice ! I was full of suspense when Paul took out a gun . Where 'd he get the gun in the first place ? Posts 56 Eek ! I forgot ! Sorry ! ' ^ ^ Thanks though ! And I forgot to PM you because my dad needed the computer , plus I fell asleep . Sorry ! Posts 32 Wow ! Good ol ' Kengo shows up ! ^^ This is a really great story . I 'd just work on the double spacing and paragraphs , but that 's it . I wonder if they 'll escape ? I have a feeling that Dawn 's going to get kidnapped . . . Posts 56 Okay ! The third chapter is up ! Sorry it took so long , I had a major writer 's block . Anyways I hope you like this chapter ! Please R & R ! The SUV swerved and spun , trying to get away from the rusty red car . Kengo 's driving wasn 't all the best but they couldn 't stop now . Dawn held onto the seat tightly , hoping they wouldn 't die or crash . She then looked behind her and widened her eyes . " Paul ! Kengo ! We have a chance to lose them ! There 's a huge traffic jam of cars behind us and they 're caught in the middle . " She said . Paul nodded to Kengo and the brown haired boy drove off quickly right when the red light turned green . Dawn looked at the sky . It was dark out now . She then turned behind them and sighed with relief . " They 're gone . " She said , taking her beanie and wiping it on her forehead wearily . Kengo and Paul sighed , relieved that a weight was lifted . Kengo drove back to Candy Cove tiredly . He parked it in the small parking lot in front of a shop called " Mr . Woody 's Furniture Shop " . The three got out of the car tiredly , Paul 's look was as cranky as usual . " Thanks Kengo . I don 't think we 'd have ever been able to escape without you . " Paul wheezed . Kengo smiled . " No problem buddy . Anything for my pal and his girlfriend ! " He grinned . " Okay , for the last damn time ! Dawn is my acquaintance , not my girlfriend ! " He snapped . Kengo laughed . " Yeah yeah . Here . " Kengo tossed the keys to the SUV over to Paul . The lavender haired boy caught them and widened his eyes . " Kengo are you sure - " " You can borrow her . Just don 't kill her . " Kengo smiled . He then slapped Paul on the back . " Alright bud , I gotta close the shop down and get home . Would you like to stay at my house ? " He asked . Dawn smiled and shook her head . " Thank you for the offer , but we 'd endanger your home if we came . " She said . Paul nodded . " I 'll see you later , thanks for the car . I 'll take good care of it . " He said . " Alright then , you two are welcome anytime though , kay ? Thanks Paul . See ya ! " Kengo said and walked back into Candy Cove . Dawn yawned tiredly . " Where are we going to stay ? " She asked . " There 's a hotel nearby . I can use my card to get a room . " He said wearily . Dawn frowned . " You have a card ? " She asked folding her arms . " It 's a long story . " He said as he walked into the SUV . He opened the door and sat down in the driver 's seat . Dawn opened the door and sat beside him tiredly . She then looked up . " You know how to drive ? " She asked . Paul nodded . " I 'm better than Kengo . " He smirked . Dawn shook her head . Paul started the car and drove away from the Candy Cove . Dawn opened her eyes wearily when she felt someone nudging her . " Hey , Dawn we 're here . " He said . Dawn lifted her head . " That was a long drive … " She yawned . Dawn unlocked her seatbelt and opened the car door , stepping out . Paul did the same and looked up at the hotel . " The Moonlight Inn , a famous hotel . " Paul said . Dawn stepped forward and looked up . " It 's really nice . " She said . The two slowly walked inside . Paul walked over to the counter . A young girl sat at the counter tiredly , her eyelids kept drooping . She had bright red hair and wore a nametag that said ' Tina ' " What can I do for you two ? " She asked , more of a groan . Paul reached into his pocket , took a brown wallet out , and took a credit card out of it . " We 'd like two rooms please . " He said holding out the card to her . " I 'm sorry , all but one of our rooms are booked . The room has two beds though . " She yawned . Paul widened his eyes . " Um , you sure there aren 't two rooms ? " He asked . The woman sighed . " Sir I already told you we have one room left . " She sounded irritated . Paul sighed . " Okay , fine . " He scoffed . He gave her the card and looked at Dawn who looked like she was about to vomit . " This sucks … " She said . Paul looked up . After Dawn and Paul received the key to their room , the walked over to the elevators . The two stepped in and looked away from each other . " Okay , she said there were two beds so nothing 's going to happen . " He said glancing at her . " Good . " Dawn sighed . As soon as the elevator doors opened , they stepped out and looked around for room 307 . Paul looked around and stopped at a door with the numbers ' 307 ' in a golden color . Dawn took out the key and unlocked it , opening up to a beautiful room . It had two white beds and a nightstand in the middle , it had a television in front of them , and a closed door to the bathroom . It also had a desk and two chairs that were large . Dawn stepped inside with wide eyes while Paul just stomped in . " I hate this . Whoever took that other room … I hate them " He muttered angrily . Dawn frowned at his annoyance . " Well you might as well enjoy your stay . This hotel 's beautiful . " Dawn exclaimed , putting her bag down . Paul snorted and walked over to his bed . " Don 't you dare tell Kengo that this happened . He 'll never let me forget it . " He closed his eyes with annoyance . Dawn sighed and sat down on the second bed . " Paul can I ask you something ? " " What ? " " Why … Did you save me … ? " She asked looking down . Paul didn 't answer for awhile . He just sat very still . " I 'm waiting for an answer . " Dawn urged . " Why do you wanna know ? I just rescued you from being turned in to psychopath . Why question me and not thank me ? ' He asked . Dawn frowned . " Why dont you answer my question ! ? " She complained . Paul got under the blankets and sheets in his bed . " Just go to sleep ! " He snapped . He turned away from her and closed his eyes . Dawn still frowned at him but then sighed , knowing he wouldn 't say a thing . She got under her covers and closed her eyes , wondering about tomorrow . Paul 's eyes opened . He knew he couldn 't hide the truth . He narrowed his eyes and then turned around , looking up . Dawn … Millie … He thought . Memories flooded into his mind . ~ Flashba " Hi Paul ! " A little girl 's voice sounded . Five year - old Paul turned around and smiled brightly . " Hi Millie ! " He exclaimed . He smiled at the blue haired girl . Today she was wearing a pretty pink dress and her hair was tied up in a pony tail . The lavender haired boy smiled . " Is that a new dress ? " He asked running up to her . Millie nodded . " Yep ! Mommy bought it for me yesterday ! " She smiled . Paul smiled . " You wanna play catch ? " He asked . Millie nodded . " Let 's go get the ball from you house ! " She said running towards a large white mansion . Paul nodded and ran after her . After the two got the ball , they began to start playing for awhile . " Over here Millie ! " Paul called . Millie laughed and threw the blue ball to Paul . Paul leaped up and caught it . He then was about to throw it to Millie but he then saw a black car racing inside of the neighborhood . He stopped and stared . There wasn 't a black car in that neighborhood at all . Visitors were only aloud if someone invited them . Everyone was gone for the summer except for Paul and Millie 's families . Paul grabbed Millie 's hand and pulled her away towards the house . " Paul what 's wrong ? " She asked worriedly . " There are unfamiliar people here ! Mom told me to walk away from strangers . " He said as he kept pulling her . Millie nodded and followed him . The black car drove up near them and a man stared at the children . A loud bang sounded from the car and Millie gasped . " Paul … " She choked and closed her eyes . She fell to the ground and dark red blood leaked out from her side . Paul widened his eyes and shrieked . " Millie ! ! ! ! ! ! " He cried he dropped to the ground beside her and shook her like crazy . The black car drove away fast . Tears ran down Paul 's face as he desperately shook his best friend . His parents and Millie 's parents darted outside and widened their eyes . " Millie ! My dear Millie ! ! ! ! " The deceased girl 's mother cried dropping to the ground and picking her daughter up . Paul dropped his face into his hands . Paul 's mother wrapped her arms around him . " Paul ! What happened ? ! " She asked frantically . Paul looked at his mother with grief - stricken eyes . " A b - black car ! Came by ! ! ! And I … . pulled Millie towards the house … She then … " Paul trailed off and buried himself into his mother 's arms . A week after Millie 's devastating death , a funeral was held . Paul walked up to her grave and kneeled down , his eyes red - rimmed . He put three red roses down and looked at them . " The first rose is you Millie . I thought you were the most prettiest girl in the world . I liked you more than any girl . The second rose is me . You were my best friend and I was yours . We were like two roses in a vase . And the third rose will reveal itself later on . I don 't know what it stands for . " He said sadly . " Paul ! Come on ! " The lavender haired boy looked up as his mother called him . He then quickly turned back to Millie 's grave . " Bye , best friend . " He said . He kissed the first and third rose and set it down on top of her grave . He then got up and ran over to his mother , looking back at her grave . Later after Millie 's death , Paul 's heart began to grow cold and serious . He became friends with Kengo Ferset , but yet that didn 't change him a bit . The boy had come to hate many things and was always cooped up at home ever since the tragic accident . ~ End of Flashback ~ Paul looked over at Dawn . Maybe she 's the third rose … He thought . He then frowned . Argh ! What 're you thinking Paul ? She 's just an ordinary girl who happens to look like her … He said . He then closed his eyes and tried to sleep . " Paul … Paul … Paul ! " A girl 's voice sounded . The boy groaned and then his mind alarmed . He jerked awake . " Millie ! ? " He exclaimed . Dawn looked at him blankly . " Millie ? Who 's that ? " She asked . Paul looked up at her and then narrowed his eyes . It was only Dawn . " We got through one night here . " She said . " What ? " " Ugh ! Staying in the same hotel room ! " She glared at him . " Oh yeah … " He trailed off . " Well hurry up . I want to collect some information . " She said . Paul remembered that the two agreed to help each other find out if Randy did do bad crimes . He quickly got out of his bed and slipped on his dark blue jacket . He didn 't notice that the blue haired girl was running towards him . Paul walked up quickly and bumped into her . Dawn was about to fall back but Paul caught her in time . He pulled her up and let go of her , walking over to the door . " You 're clumsy . " He said as he opened it . Dawn glared at him but as soon as he looked away , her face turned pink . After they waked out of the hotel , Paul took out the driver 's keys and unlocked the car , though he was still deep in his thoughts . As Dawn sat down inside looked out the window . Who 's Millie ? She thought . Paul yawned and started up the car , backing out of the parking lot . " Paul ? " " Who 's Millie ? " Dawn asked . Paul closed his eyes and then opened them . " A childhood friend . She 's gone now . " He said as he stopped . " Did she move away from your home ? " Dawn asked . Paul didn 't answer , he just kept driving and driving . Dawn looked down . " I know the perfect place to find evidence . My dad took me there to get something . " He said , his eyes were sharp . " What is it ? " She asked looking out the window . " Well … It 's a bar . " He said . " Your father took you to a bar when you were young ? " She asked . " Hey , you 're step - father drank and did bad things to you . " He snapped . Dawn nodded , it was true . It was a long time now . The two had been on the road for a while . Paul drove into a parking lot in front of a small building . " We 're here . " He said , looking up . Dawn looked up as well . " The Green Bar . " She said as she read the words . Paul nodded and took off his seatbelt , opened the car door , and jumped out . " C ' mon Dawn . " He said as he walked over to the sidewalk . The girl took off her seatbelt and stepped out of the car . She ran over to Paul and stayed close to him , keeping her guard up if anyone came . As they walked in , Dawn widened her blue eyes . It was also a club . Men were drunk on the floor and tables , a lot of people were smoking , guys were arm wrestling , and people kept drinking . Dawn looked down and saw a man passed out on the floor right next to her . She backed up closer to Paul and stayed by him . People eyes her as she followed Paul , it gave her a sick feeling . Paul kept walking and then stopped . " Hey Jumper ! Two colas please ! " Paul called as soon as they reached the counter . A muscular man with many tattoos came up . In his mouth was a large cigar . He smiled at Paul . " Hey Paul ! Long time no see . How 's yer father ? " He asked . Paul grinned . " Just fine . It 's good to see you too . This is Dawn . " He said . Dawn smiled . " Hello . " She said . The bartender laughed . " Paul , you never told me that you had yerself a girlfriend . " He smiled . Dawn " We 're trying to find evidence and see if he really did bad things . " The bartender put his hand on his forehead . He then leaned forward towards them . " Don 't tell anyone I told you this . He 'll hunt me down . I 'll only tell you guys about this because if it 's evidence to get him arrested , I 'll do anything . Months ago , he came into the club with a bleeding woman , but it wasn 't the woman 's blood . We didn 't see a single scratch on her . He just told us that he 'd shoot us if we didn 't let them hide here and if we contacted the police , so we let him and didn 't call the police . Randy did have a gun . Later on , he told us it was long gone , but I knew he hid it somewhere . Randy wasn 't a truthful or honest person . That 's all I know . " He said . " Who was the woman ? " Dawn asked . " We have no clue . " The bartender said , shaking his head sadly . " I 'm sorry . " Paul got up . " Thanks for the info Jumper . We best be on our way . He hid the gun right ? " He asked . " I don 't know for sure , but it 's likely . If he did hide it , it would 've been in a place no one would have a clue to look . " He said . " Thanks Jumper . C ' mon Dawn . " Paul said , walking away and waving to the bartender . Dawn followed . She looked down , knowing that this was an excellent piece of information . As soon as Dawn opened the entrance door , someone pulled her outside forcefully . " Ow ! Hey what - " Dawn stopped and widened her eyes . " We got her Simon . " A boy dressed in gray said . Paul ran outside . He widened his eyes . " Dawn ! " " Let go of me ! " She shrieked as a boy in black grabbed her arm . " Take care of him Pete ! " The boy in black said as he pulled Dawn to a black car . The boy in gray nodded and pushed his arm forward towards Paul . Paul stopped his punch and pushed him back , making him bump into the man in black . The man let go of Dawn instantly . Paul grabbed the girl and pushed her into the SUV , getting inside as well . The two men got up and were just about to run over to the SUV , but Paul drove away in time . As soon as they were far away from the club , Dawn looked over at Paul . " Thanks … again . " She looked down . " I feel really bad about putting Later on , Dawn and Paul had drove around town , asking everyone if they knew about Randy Henshaw but most of them were clueless . One grown cried at the name Randy , saying that it was the name of his grown up son . Dawn and Paul had to stay longer at their house to hear stories of their son 's childhood . It was now 9 : 33 at night and they had just driven back to the hotel . " Oh … I 'm so tired . I knew we shouldn 't have questioned that couple … " Paul moaned as he took off his seatbelt . Dawn scowled at him . " Well it was worth a try . I didn 't know that they 'd go on and on about their son . " She yawned . She and Paul stepped out of the car and were just about to walk into the hotel . " Stop right there . " A rasping voice sounded . Dawn looked up and gasped . Four men in gray looked at them with glazed eyes . " The girl 's coming with us . " One said sharply . Paul pushed Dawn behind him . " Actually she isn 't . Now move . " He said . The guy pushed him back . " We asked for the girl . " He said looking into Paul 's eyes . Dawn stepped back with fearful eyes . Paul … Posts 32 Great chapter ! I liked how you had the flashback with Paul 's friend Millie , but it 's also sad how she died . It 's also kind of sad , because one of the reasons Paul is protecting Dawn is because she looks like Millie . I hope he sees her for her own person , and not as a person who looks like Millie . But great chapter ! I loved it ! It was a good length , and it was fun to read ! ^^ Posts 56 Thank you so much ! ! ! ^^ I really can 't wait for the new chapter in Dawn 's Rising Sun ! Thank you all ! ! Last edited by Whitefire2000 ; 6th July 2007 at 2 : 34 PM . Posts 56 Thank you Hoenngirl . ^^ I appreciate your comment and the cookie . * Takes cookie * Thank you , I 'll put you on my PM list , but the next chapter will take a little long for me to update . |
~ This is not just a journal , it is the story of my Life . Or the story of my lives , to be more precise . In it you will find … Well this was happening to me , and it was at my own birthday party . I was a little drunk and I haven 't ever been the " Fake it " type anyways . So I ask the boy … Actually no . I Tell the boy . I 'll admit , it 's a cute smile . And for some reason , it makes my heart flutter . But when a guy grabs me by the arm and spins me around in the middle of a conversation with my friends , I get defensive . " DON ' T TOUCH ME ! " I shout , and I swing my hand up to backhand him . I 'll admit , it 's an overreaction , but this is MY party and I really don 't feel like dealing with a creep , no matter how cute he is . My brother saunters over in his casual swagger . He 's tall and lanky , and I 've seen him put a bat through more than just a car window . He 's always looked out for me , even though I can handle myself in a scrap . Hey , what are brothers for ? " Nothing I can 't handle , " I call back to him before he gets near . If I can overreact , Forest can fly off the handle . And I 'm just trying to have a good time . My brother takes the hint and slides off to the side . He starts flirting with some girls while keeping an eye on me . " You don 't remember me ? " he asks . He seems upset in a sad kind of way ; like he 's genuinely disappointed . He locks eyes with me and holds my gaze a moment beyond platonic . My heart skips a beat and I have to look away . I wrack my mind again , because I felt a spark of memory , but it 's already gone , like a pleasant dream . He 's still staring intently at me . God , his eyes are beautiful … But that 's beside the point . I try to ignore the strange encounter . It was more than an awkward " forgotten acquaintance " moment , it was unnaturally mysterious . That type of stuff just doesn 't happen in real life , does it ? What was he talking about my name for ? And when would he see me later ? I 'm not scared of him . More curious . And the more I think about it , the more it seems like I really am supposed to know him . But sifting through every memory of my life , nothing comes to mind . I 'm up before my brother . He 's passed out and is gonna need some Mydol when he wakes up . Don 't laugh . He drinks like a Troll and the stuff does wonders on a hangover . There 's a knock at the door . That 's unusual for this early . I 'm the only conscious person in the house , so I go to answer . As I reach for the handle , I can sense him . I know he 's there , on the other side . Don 't ask how I know . I just trust my instincts . As I head up the stairs , the boy raps loudly on the door . I ignore it and keep walking . Next thing I know , there 's a massive crash and I turn to see the door fly off it 's frame into the house . I 've always been fast , and I had a twenty foot lead , but before I get up four steps , I feel a hand close around my ankle and I fall on my face . I swipe back at his arm with the Butcher knife and he lets go with a chuckle . I scramble up the stairs and head down the hallway into my brother 's room . He 's already out of bed and holding his bat as he rubs his aching head . I respond in a flat bland tone . " That guy from last night is here . He 's trying to kill me , " I say , less frantically than I think I should feel . My mind is racing , but my body is calm . It 's a weird feeling . " Oh , " Forest says . " Is that all ? " " Don I owe you an ass whoopin ? " my brother smirks . I can 't see his face , but I can hear the lightness in his voice . My brother lunges forward . He can lunge a lot farther than most people expect . He swings the bat down like a hammer , but the boy steps to the side and spins a kick into Forest 's stomach . I watch in horror as my brother is launched backwards down the hall and smashes into the wall . It looks like he got shot out of a cannon . There 's no way anyone can kick that hard . It 's impossible . I look at my brother . He 's unconscious , still with that stupid smirk on his face . " Jah … neh … " he seems to mumble . Nonsense . I 'm backing up , but I 'm not scared . I 've never been scared . I 'm just acutely aware that he is stronger than me . He has some sort of power . Something otherworldly . I do . But I 'm just creative . I 've even asked about it before . If other people think about smells in their mind . Or have mixed emotions about things they make up . Or if their imagination plays out entire scenes like a dream while they 're awake . Turns out some people do to an extent , but not really like me . Not altogether perfect like me . But I haven 't thought of stuff like that forever . I 'm just creative . I 'm just a little weird and get wrapped up in my own fantasies . " Get away from me , " I say , the boy 's nearness snaps me out of my thoughts . I don 't know how he got so close , but he 's right up against my knife now and pressing forward , daring me to stand my ground . I back up . " WHAT ARE YOU DOING ? ! " he roars from outside . " THE YOU I KNEW NEVER RAN . THE YOU I KNEW WOULD NEVER HIDE ! YOU WERE NEVER SCARED OF ANYTHING ! " The bathroom door is ripped out off its hinges and the boy tosses it aside down the hall . He leans back against the hallway wall and crosses his arms . He looks me up and down and regards me as though he 's waiting for something . " What ? " he interrupts . " Are you embarrassed ? Are you ashamed of the name you know is yours ? ? " The boy walks into the bathroom and I back up . " What is the name you call yourself in your mind ? What is the name YOU chose ? " My back hit 's the wall and he presses me into it . He 's intimately close and the heat of his body is cooled by his breath as he speaks softly . " Say it , " he demands . " Say the name you will always answer to . " Suddenly the words he 's saying make sense . Even though I haven 't thought of it for years . Not since I was a child . Not since I quit making my imagination stories . I had a name for myself , or for the older , stronger , cooler me , that I used to imagine . I don 't know why I used a different name , I just did . I think I did because it was a different me in my imagination , but it was still Me , right ? But I 've never said that name out loud . Not once . Not ever . I can 't even bring myself to ask . How can he know ? How can anyone know ? I 've never told anyone that name . I 've never told anyone those stories . How did he pick that name out of my head like that ? It feels like ice . It feels like somebody has invaded my memories . Except they 're not even memories . They 're just made up fantasies . It 's like he 's stealing them from me . But at the same time , he wasn 't . After the shock , I feel warm . I feel comfort . That somebody knows . Somebody knows the inside me . The whole me . He 's not stealing anything . He 's sharing … There he is . And I know him . I know where I know him from . It kills me to admit it , but some kids have imaginary friends . I had one that was more than that . My imaginary boyfriend . My perfect man … " Yes ! " I shout . " All of that ! And why did you kill my brother ? " I demand . I know he 's not dead because I saw him breathing , but I don 't care to be specific . " I 'll be back tomorrow , " he says . " Just wait . I 've been searching for you for a long time . Don 't worry , I 'm not going to lose you now . I can 't . The world needs you too badly . " Before I can finish my sentence , the boy disappears . There 's a pop and a huge poof of black misty smoke , and he 's gone . The smoke quickly dissolves , and there 's no trace of him , other than the broken doors and my broken brother , who is now snoring obnoxiously . I see him again the very next day . After spending the previous twenty - four hours trying to remember everything I could about the old stories I used to make up , I 'm pretty eager to find out what he meant when he said it was " real . " I mean , when I say I 'm creative , I mean I 'm fantastically creative . Even as a kid , or perhaps , more so as a kid , the thoughts on my mind were absolutely impossible . So maybe parts are real , like Azzen 's face and my real name , and other thoughts were just thoughts . He shows up at breakfast . I had a feeling he would . I hear him knock on the doorframe , from behind the curtain me and Forest hung up . Yesterday , after Forest woke up , I told him what had happened . Everything . Even about Azzen being an imaginary friend that I made up when I was a kid and coming to life . I asked him to stay away for the day , cuz I wanted to talk to him alone . My brother is usually overprotective , but he was surprisingly understanding . In fact , he didn 't put up a fuss at all and told me to have fun . When I asked why he wasn 't more freaked out about the guy that broke in yesterday and kicked him across the hall , he shrugged and responded , " because Azzen was my imaginary friend too , " and then left . I haven 't seen him since . Azzen smiles and winks knowingly . He helps himself to some bacon off the platter in the center of the table . I sit across from him and stare while he simply eats . I still can 't believe it 's actually him . That he 's actually real . " Where did you come from ? " I ask , breaking the silence . It wasn 't the first question I 'd planned , but sometimes it 's better to play it by ear . Azzen doesn 't reply . He eats some eggs and seems to be thinking about what to say . I follow his lead and take a few bites . He seems more casual about this than me . " I 'm not sure … I mean . I don 't really know if I remember anything . I know your name and your face . And there were others too , but I don 't know what 's real and what 's not . " I squirm . " I 'm kinda embarrassed to admit it , but no . I remember certain scenes and some details , but I was really young when I thought all that up . Most of it escapes me . I just remember it was some sort of wild adventure . " " Too many questions . I 'm trying to eat ! This food is almost good . " Azzen jests , stuffing a fat piece of egg in his mouth . I 've barely known him , but I know it 's a joke , and I answer back with sass . " Just like a man ! Mouths are for conversation too you know , not just stuffing your face . " I stare him down angrily . He pretends not to notice and eats . He takes a bite of toast , and washes it down with milk . He " ahh " s in satisfaction afterwards . When we met , you were a couple years younger . We both were . And like I said , I was originally from here . I don 't know how to explain it right now , but one day I was on my way home from classes and I noticed something shimmering in the trees off the sidewalk . I wasn 't in no rush , so I went to check it out . It looked like a mirror with a sparkles as a frame . Sparkles like from sparklers , but just floating there . And it wasn 't really a mirror , more like a picture . The scene in it was a forest , and the picture wiggled and waved , like heat waves . Being young and foolish , I touched it , and next thing I knew , I fell into your world . I was unconscious laying there for I don 't know how long . But when I woke up , it was dark . And I was woken up by somebody kicking me in the ribs . That would be you . You didn 't actually kick me , you tripped over my body and fell on me . I groaned awake and you immediately covered my mouth with your hand . That was the first time I ever laid eyes on you . There was a full moon out , but besides that , there even seemed to be a light glow about you . In the darkness , I couldn 't make out your precise features , but one thing definitely stood out that marked you different from other girls . Now I know for sure that he 's the real deal . Nobody could have guessed that detail . In my fantasies , I was like a panther woman . Nothing fancy like fur and paws . Just the ears and a tail . I don 't know why . I just thought it was cute or something . Both feminine and powerful . I always figured I picked it up off of batman or something . " Noh , " Azzen replies . " Just the ears . And I 'd see later that you had a tail . No fur or claws or anything like that . Regular Human hands and feet and body . Regular everything except the ears and tail . " " Hmmm … " I mutter pondering . That doesn 't jive quite right . I remember , in some of the stories , that I had some sort of claws … But that must have been made up then . " Well keep going , " I urge Azzen , wanting to know more . The very first thing you said to me was , " If you make a move , I 'll cut your throat . " And your ear twitched . That 's how I knew it was an ear . " Azzen , " I said . I don 't know why I said it . It wasn 't the name my parents gave me . It was the name I always used in video games or as my screen name . For some reason , it just came out . I wasn 't sure where I was and didn 't want to piss off a crazy catgirl , so I didn 't say anything else or make a move . You sat there for a moment and it seemed like you were listening for something . Then you cursed and took off . I remember thinking that you were running away from something . I wandered out of the forest and found a dirt road . On one side of it , the forest continued , and on the other side , fields and farmland stretched as far as I could see . I followed the road and found an old fashioned farm house with a barn in the back . I courageously knocked on the door . The woman that answered wasn 't completely a woman . She didn 't have cat ears , but her ears were still different . They were in the same spot as a Human 's but they were as long as a ruler and pointed at the ends . I was a little taken aback , and kind of forgot what to ask . " Eh . Yer one of those , eh ? Too scrawny for the Master ? What 'd your parents drop you off and he wouldn 't accept you ? You don 't look so bad , compared to some of the other runts he takes on . " " Just one of the Master 's children , " the woman sang . She was very beautiful and her voice was as sweet as a bird 's . I would place her in her mid - twenties . " That 's my husband , " she told me . " I 'm sorry if he 's a bit rude in his later years , he 's still an honest man though . " When we entered the room , I was surprised to see that the woman 's husband was an old man . More than old . Elderly . His hair was white and thin and his skin was wrinkled and sagging . He didn 't seem as rude as the woman had apologized for and he offered me some stew . " You can stay the night if you 'll chop ten logs for me in the morning , " he told me . " I 'm sure that 'll be no problem for you . It 'll set us up for a while . I 'm too old these days and I hate to have my wife deal with that sort of labor . " I wanted to ask the young woman how she 'd ended up with such an old man , but thought it would be rude . Later , I 'd realize that she was an Elf and was probably several hundred years older than him . Probably Manbating for the land . So I stayed the night and spent half the next day chopping up those ten logs . The Elf lady made a comment that it was no wonder the Master tossed me out of his school . I didn 't know what she was talking about and didn 't ask . She gave me breakfast and lunch , which I was thankful for . When I was done , I asked if I could use her phone . She asked me what I was talking about and after trying to explain it , she said I might be able to find such a device in the city . She pointed me up the road and I started walking again . I passed a few more houses , but I was pretty weirded out by what I 'd seen so far , so I just kept going towards the city . After several miles , I came to a large manor with a bunch of kids fighting outside . They weren 't really fighting . More like practicing with sticks . There were kids of all ages , from six year olds to guys and gals that could be twenty . Most of the younger kids were wearing straight up rags . Brown and tattered . Most of the boys were shirtless . The older kids had clean clothes , but they were plain white shorts and shirts , made out of some sort of thick cloth . A few of the oldest kids were wearing fancy dyed clothes , green or purple or blue , with golden embroidered designs . One of them shouted at me as I was passing by . " No , that 's okay , " I said . " I 'm heading to the city , it 's that way right ? " I pointed and kept moving . " Um , no … I think I 'm gonna go . " I brushed their sticks aside and tried to push through , but they barred my way . The boy in green strode over to us . " You 'll come or you 'll fight , " he said , drawing a sword that I hadn 't seen before . " And you 'll be fighting me , not just these Rats . So think wisely before you decide . " My thoughts while I waited was that the door was too large . It was ten feet high and wide enough to drive two cattle through . But when it opened , the massive man staring down at me nearly filled the entire entrance . Thinking back on it , he was probably part Ogre , though I 've never thought of that until just now . He had thick spiky hair and a scarred face . It looked like something had tried to chew through one of his cheeks and the other had a large slashing scar across it up to his brow . He was bare - chested , wearing only white shorts and a black belt , bringing to mind some sort of monstrous , gladiator , karate master . His chest was purely muscle , and looked solid as marble , though he was quite tan . There were pale scars littered across every inch of his body . The Master snorted some sort of grunt or laugh and said " Yes . I have a map . " And then mumbled to himself , " at least he speaks right . " Another thing I noticed about you was that your clothes were different from any of the other boys or girls outside . You wore a white blouse and a white skirt , and they were embroidered with red instead of gold . But I didn 't know anything about that at the time . I just thought you were pretty . The Master and I walked through a room , down a hallway , and turned into another room . This one was a Library , with many more books than the small study you had been sitting in . The Master wasted no time in going to a shelf and pulling out a large rolled up parchment . He laid it out on an impressive oak table and dropped a couple sculpted paperweights on it to hold it in place . You seemed to know where we went , because moments later , you arrived with a tray , holding a bottle of wine and two full glasses . The Master took a glass and growled at you to leave the tray and get out of there . You did , but you also took the other glass and walked it around the table to me . When you handed it to me , we exchanged one glance . The sharp look in your eyes told me everything I needed to know at once : " You don 't know me . You didn 't see me last night . You 've never seen me before now . " " I 've never heard of it , " he told me . So I took a look at the map , but I didn 't recognize a single landmark on it . And besides that , it was just an island . I didn 't even know if I was in America . " What do you mean ? This one takes up the whole table . It 's as detailed as you 're going to get , " the Master replied . " I 'm not from anywhere on here … " I said . " Are you sure … I mean , do you have a map that 's not just the island ? " " Oh … Okay . Well , thanks for trying to help , " I said . I took a sip of the wine , so as not to be rude . Immediately , warmth flushed through me and my whole body tingled . I heard ringing in my ears , but it subsided quickly . I felt a knot of fear in my stomach . There was something wrong with that wine . Woozily , I continued what I was saying . " I guess I should head to the city though … I think I 'll be able to figure it out from there . " " Yes , probably , " said the Master . " But you won 't make it there by the night . You 'll stay here with the boys tonight and chop some wood tomorrow . I 'll have one of the boys take you later . " The Master cracked a smile . " Well I don 't allow my boys to wear fancy clothes unless they earn them . You 'll change into some Rat rags to fit in . Don 't worry , they 're clean , just brown . " " It 's been done . And you were barely getting to the good part . " I want to know more . So far he 's mostly just talked about himself . I want to know about my supposed past life . He could still just be making all this up . But even as I consider it , I doubt he 's lying . As he was talking about me , it came back . Tripping over him , being at the Master 's , and the wordless look I gave him when he first got there . It all came back when he said it . But there was something wrong with the Master . Not something that he said … something he didn 't say . I 'm trying to figure it out . That 's why I want him to keep going . " Yeh , " Azzen says . " He was strong like that , but nothing special in the long run . Back then though , he was definitely the strongest guy around . " " Yes , he was . Your starting to remember . He was holding all of us against our will , actually . I didn 't realize I 'd walked into a spider 's web when I first got there . But I 'll tell you more of that some time tomorrow . I 've got some things to take care of today . " " It means I can always find you if I have permission to use your name . Fel , do I have permission to use you name ? " Azzen asks with a sly smile . Something was rubbing me the wrong way . He was already using my name . My TRUE name , according to him . And with these tales of Goblins and Elves … I 've heard stories about True Names … The next day , I go to the store and buy a tape recorder . Then I pass the time watching T . V . , listening to music and writing in my journal . I 'm trying to keep my schedule open … I decide to go for a walk and wind up strolling to a park near my house . I sit in a swing and hum along to with my Ipod for a while . Then I feel his presence approach me from behind . I take out my earphones as he slides his hands on my shoulders . His touch is warm and comforting . I 've never liked being touched . It 's always felt weird and awkward with other guys . Forced . I always know what they want . But with Azzen , it isn 't like that . It 's just … different . It 's innocent . That 's all we do for a while . I sit . He pushes . And I know we are both perfectly happy . And just at the right moment , when I want to talk , he moves over and sits in the swing beside me . Azzen pulls a folded piece of paper out of his pocket and hands it to me . I unfold it and see a dark red arrow drawn on it , it looks like it 's painted in blood . Ew . But the amazing thing is that is points to me . Regardless of where I move it , the arrow always points to me . " Yeah . I kind of want to remember this . I think I want to write it down in my journal later , if that 's okay . Just the story . " I slept with the " Rats " that night at the Master 's . They all slept in a single large room with mats laid out on the ground for beds . There were other girls there , but I looked around briefly and didn 't see you . They gave me an empty one and I tucked my regular clothes into my pillow case . It wasn 't the most comfortable bed , but I fell asleep without much trouble . The next morning , I got up with them and followed the crowd to breakfast . I saw you there . You were eating alone . I wanted to go eat with you , but I remembered the look that you gave me last night . So instead , I just ate the oatmeal mush that was served and then asked one of the boys where I could find the Master . The kid pointed to you and said to , " ask the Merca . " He seemed to think it was funny for some reason . Personally , I was just glad to have an excuse to talk to you . I 'm not usually nervous around girls , but I 'd never seen anyone like you . With or without the ears , you were stunning . A mix of classic beauty and exotic wildness . There was rowdiness in your eyes , but grace in your walk . A walk that I noticed , because when I approached you , you got up and left . So Fel took me to the Master . And the Master told her that I would be chopping wood with you - Er , Fel . Fel said that was fine and seemed pleased . She smiled at me , and that seemed to piss the Master off , cuz the next thing he did was scold her and say , " Don 't think you 're getting off easy . You 'll be chopping twice as much wood today , since there 's two of you . " And that seemed to kill your … Ugh , sorry . Fel 's mood . I didn 't want to make things harder on you , so I said sorry . " Then it 'll be better for you , " the Master said . " Build up your stamina , so that you don 't get caught so easily when you try to run away . Unless you like your ass whoopings . " Fel yelled again at the Master . " He 's mine then . If you 're going to stick me with his chores , I get to use him to train . " The catgirl took Azzen outside to the backyard of the manor . The yard extended into the forest . There was a large chopping block and a pile of massive logs . The logs weren 't regular sized logs , like the ones Azzen had cut for the Elf 's husband , they were gigantic . Longer than a semi truck and too thick to fit through a door . Fel walked right up to the closest one and told Azzen to go grab the other side . " Yeah sure , " Azzen joked . " No problem . " He knew there was no way the two kids could move the log onto the chopping block . They would have to cut it into pieces and then chop up each piece at a time . He stood expectantly and waited for Fel to get serious . Azzen silently obeyed and approached the side of the house that was glistening with various metal tools . As he got closer , he saw that they weren 't really tools , they were actually an assortment of deadly weapons of different shapes and sizes . After quickly admiring some swords , spears , mauls , flails , pikes , knives , nun - chucks and bow - staffs , he found a section of axes . There were about twenty of them , ranging from small hatchets to huge double sided battle axes . Azzen picked out one that looked like a standard woodcutting axe . Without further ado , the catgirl snatched an ax from Azzen and swung it high and hard , down onto the massive log . The blade dug a good foot through and after wiggling it out , she swung again . Azzen watched in awe as the girl quickly hacked off a two foot section and then began again , a little further down . Azzen started and grappled with the huge chunk of wood . After wrestling it over to the chopping block , he dug his fingers under it and lifted with enormous effort , hefting it up onto the block . In the time it took him to get the piece in place , Fel had already sectioned off another chunk of wood . The boy ignored her and went to work , chopping up the wood . The big ax he swung did most of the work , but lifting it above his head over and over was no easy task . Still , he didn 't complain , and when the first chunk was chopped up , he moved right on to the next one . " The Master makes us chop wood , " she explained between huffing swings , " to build stamina . And to sell in the market when he goes to the city . That 's his scam . He says he 's gonna teach all us kids how to fight and become great warriors , but he really just makes us chop wood . " " Says he does . But really , we teach each other . When we don 't have chores or Chop Duty , we practice on our own . Master divides us into three groups , so we all practice with other kids at our own level , but that 's about all he does . That and beats us up if we try to run away . " " He tells everybody anything to get them in here . But once you 're here good luck getting out . He 'll just keep telling you that he 'll do it tomorrow , and then tomorrow . And if you try to run away , that 's when you 'll know . " " That he don 't care . He 'll chase you and catch you and beat you . And then you stop asking him to take you to city anymore . " " Me ? No . Other kids do , but that 's part of the scam . The Master claims this is a fighting school . He says that he trains us to be great warriors and that the parents aren 't allowed to watch us train , because of all his ' secret techniques , ' " Fel paused for a rest after she finished sectioning off the second log . " But he don 't teach us nothing . Just beats us up and makes us do chores . In the spare time , we train ourselves . Oiyah bruntaros E Master , " she spat and left to go grab another log . " Don 't tell him I said that . " Azzen couldn 't believe it . There must be forty or fifty kids at this school . How could nobody realize what was going on ? Wouldn 't somebody catch on and step in ? He finished chopping up a fourth section as Fel returned , huffing with the log in tow . " Because the Master is really strong and really fast . And those are the only two ways to get out of here . Beat him up or outrun him . Either way , once you 're able to , you 've become a powerful warrior . So people that see it from the outside think it works . But it don 't . Some kids grow old and die here . Once you 're too old , the Master kills you , cuz you 're making the school look bad . " " OH I SHOW YOU CRAZY ! " Fel shouted , suddenly enraged . The girl swung the axe high over her head and brought it down to bear on Azzen . The boy had to dive out of the way to keep from getting chopped in half . The axe dug deep into the dirt where he had once stood . " Yah ! And Donchu Forget It ! " she shouted back . " Yousa my puppy dog . Master say so . Noh get upset if you get head chopped . " " And by the way , " she said . " We can use those weapons to practice , but always put them back . If you take one out of the backyard , an alarm will ring and the Master will kill you . " Azzen was beat . His body ached and was already sore . His hands were rubbed raw and his back felt like it had been beat on with one of those huge mauls that was hanging on the side of the manor . Lunch turned out to be the same oatmeal mush as the morning . Azzen looked at it in disdain . Was this what he had to look forward to for the rest of his life ? Though the mush was bland , it was surprisingly good . Not in the sense of taste , but in the effect it had on Azzen 's body . Warmth flooded through him from the first bite and the tension in his muscles was immediately eased . Azzen wasn 't sure what she meant by " special magic , " but even if it was Crack , he couldn 't get enough of it . He gobbled his bowl and asked Fel if he was allowed to get some more . She said it was fine and Azzen consumed a second helping . When he was done , he felt completely renewed and was ready for whatever came next . Chores turned out to be cleaning the manor . Fel cautioned Azzen that this was the only time they were allowed to wander through the manor freely . Other than to clean , they were only allowed to visit the sleeping area and the dining area . " In the morning , we practice together , but we missed that today , " Fel told Azzen . The girl grabbed a couple sticks from some younger Rats who muttered obscenities at her under their breath ; Fel ignored them . She lead Azzen off to the side of the manor where they were alone . When they left , one of the boys called out , " figures she 'd want to try out the new kid ! " Fel ignored that as well . She spoke to Azzen when they were one - on - one . " As a group , we strength train and practice form . After lunch , we do what we want . Most always , we spar . " With her last word , Fel tossed Azzen one of the sticks . When he caught it , she immediately swung at him and he instinctively blocked it . She pulled back and thrust at his chest , hitting him hard . Azzen grins at me . " Well I take it back . What really happened was I didn 't want to hurt you , so I played dead and let you kick me . " There 's a pop and black mist swirls around us . It blocks out the whole world for just one moment and then clears immediately . Azzen pulls me into his arms as a rickshaw bustles by . It nearly ran me over . I just almost got flattened by a bike - carriage , but what really makes my pulse race is realizing how close Azzen is . His strong arms are wrapped around me protectively , holding me safe . " Where are we ? " I ask , keeping my voice calm , my lips are just a few inches from his . The scene after black mist has completely changed . We 're on a cobblestone street in the middle of a flashy city that is both extravagant and grungy at the same time . Hundreds of brown skinned Asians are passing by on foot or on mopeds , with absolutely no regard for traffic procedure . Okay . I 'm not going to freak out . And I 'm not stupid . I 've seen enough movies to know that we 've just teleported or something . " Hue , " Azzen says . " I know it 's not exactly Chinese , but this place has the best Pho . " " And your cultural experience too , " Azzen says . " Come on , it 's good . They 've got a picture of Bill Clinton eating here . " Azzen laughs and pulls me into the restaurant . We sit at a small table and he orders for me when the waiter comes . He just points at the menu and says , " that " a lot . His voice came in my head . < You 're thinking that even if I can speak into someone 's mind , it doesn 't necessarily mean I can read their thoughts . And you 're wondering if I 'll point out the difference . > " Noh . Not exactly , " he says to my disappointment . " But I 'm sure remembering will help . We 'll work on you believing it later . " Azzen just gazes at me with light interest and gives me a whimsical smile . He 's so handsome that I almost fall into his eyes and lose focus , but after a moment of dreaminess , I snap back to attention . " Tell me ! " I insist . But he won 't . He keeps ignoring me and changes the subject , talking about Vietnam and other places he 's been . Then our food comes . And it 's amazing . I open my mouth and he quickly shoves the whole thing in , almost gagging me and chuckles to himself . What a jerk . But he 's right , I love it . Azzen woke up in the middle of the night . He had no idea how long he 'd been out , but what he did know was that Fel had left him bleeding on the ground , off to the side of the manor , not even bothering to bandage him or bring him in . The boy rubbed his hair and felt sticky blood , but it was all residual . The wound had stopped leaking . The boy achilly pulled himself off the ground and set about getting back inside the manor . But on his way , he noticed a fire flickering in the woods . Curious , and not in a hurry to go back to sleep , in case he had a concussion , he headed towards the light . Minutes passed and the two sat , each lost in their own thoughts . For Azzen , it was thoughts of getting home and ponderings of where he really was . How had he gotten here ? And who was this girl beside him with kitty ears and a tail ? " No . We have them , but they 're mostly for show … We figured out easier ways to kill each other , I guess , " Azzen said . " Hey ! " he piped up . " Have you ever heard of a telephone ? " Fel looked over at him and studied his eyes to see if he was trying to pull some trick on her . " Noh … " she said slowly . " What is this ? " Azzen looked up , trying to figure out how to explain himself . " Everything is different where I 'm from , " he said . " Similar , I guess . But different . There are not girls with cat ears where I 'm from . " Fel watched him quietly as the boy closed his eyes and sighed up into the night sky . " The stars , " he said . " The stars are different . Even on the other side of the world , I could find Polaris , the North Star . But now it 's gone . What does that mean ? " the boy asked to himself . There was silence for a moment until Fel broke it . " It means you 're lost , " she said . Azzen looked over at her and smiled weakly . Fel pointed up into the sky . " Here , the North Star is Trixi . If it is same as the North Star for you , it always stays North . There , you see ? " Azzen followed her finger . " Which one ? " he asked . " Good , " said Fel . " So now you 're not lost anymore . " She looked over at Azzen and gave him a smirk . Azzen smiled back . Azzen hesitated for a moment , but then decided he might as well tell the truth . He told Fel about the portal and falling through . She scoffed at his story and said he must have hit his head pretty hard . Fel nodded and said nothing more . Azzen began to contemplate his own existence and also fell silent . The two sat for awhile , watching the fire burn down to flickering embers . Fel got up to restock it before it completely died out . Azzen took her hand and Fel tensed a little , but allowed it . The boy felt her palm and ran his hand over hers . She pink was very warm to the touch , but she wasn 't burnt . The catgirl stood up . " You get burned a lot , " she said and kicked out the fire , scattering embers across the forest floor . " Come on Azzo . Let 's go sleep . " " Wait , " I interrupt . " Before you go any further , can you take me home ? " I ask . Our lunch was finished , but we were still chatting in the restaurant . " It 's nothing really . It 's just kinda messing with my head that it 's nighttime here . I 'm still only halfway through my day . " Azzen laughs . He pulls out a hundred American dollars and sets it on the table , which I 'm sure was way too much . Then he takes my hand and one swirly moment later , we 're in my home . Azzen puts his arm up and around me and I snuggle in . It just feels so natural . Maybe he cast a spell on me . I don 't really care . When Azzen woke up and got breakfast , he didn 't see Fel , so he ate with the Rats . He still hadn 't figured out where she slept . Everyone else seemed to have to sleep together in the common room . He sat with a group of the bigger guys and older girls . One of the boys clapped him on the back . " Don 't say ' yeah , ' " the kid said . " Say ' yes . ' And don 't say ' noh , ' say ' no . ' The Master hates Common . You got me ? " " I 'm Morty , " the boy introduced himself . " Top of the Rats . You 'll know about me . I 'm gonna be the next one to make it up to the Wolf Pack . " " Ugh , cut it out , " one of the girls complained . " You shouldn 't talk about her . Just thinking about a Merca is enough to make you sick . " " The white shirts , " Morty explained . " To get there , you have to beat every Rat at the same time . And then the Master will give you white clothes and let you train with them . " " Yup , " Morty said proudly . " You can call out a challenge at any time , but if you do , you 'll probably just get your ass kicked . I 'm the only one that ever tries . Everybody else knows they don 't stand a chance until I move up . " " I didn 't expect her to fight ! " Morty shouted . " She usually just sits back and yells . She got lucky , " he declared and glared around , daring anyone to challenge his word . " She just doesn 't , " Morty said defensively . " She 's class leader , so she thinks she 's too good to train with us . But she 's too scared to call a challenge . " " Those are Dragons . Same concept as a Rat moving up to the Wolf Pack . If you beat the whole Wolf Pack , you get to be a Dragon . There are only three of them right now and they train together . " " Isn 't that really just less people to practice with ? " Azzen asked , seeing obvious flaws in the system . " And if all the Rats get better at the same time , isn 't it possible that they could all be better than the guys in the Wolf Pack , without ever actually advancing ? " The Rats filed outside and lined up in the yard . Several of them began stretching while the others just chatted and joked around . Azzen hung around with Morty for a few minutes until Fel joined them all in the yard . After that , the catgirl lead the group in a series of stretches and light warm - up exercises . Jumping jacks , push - ups , sit - ups , and a few other calisthenics that Azzen had never done before . All were simple enough and he was able to copy the form of the kids around him . After that , Fel paired them up in twos or threes . Azzen was teamed with Morty and another big boy . From there , they began practicing proper punches , footwork , and form . Azzen learned a lot that day . He learned how to hold his body and found his balance . While Fel gave general instructions from the front , Morty was able to assist Azzen and their other partner with the subtler details . " Hold your back straighter , " he said . " Don 't lean forward so much . You need to be able to move backwards just as quickly as you can move forward . " " Your feet don 't need to be that wide , " Morty said . " Square them with your shoulders . Try to find the spacing that feels comfortable . " Morty laughed . " Yes . You know that jutting bone right behind your big toe . Get used to holding your weight on that , not your heels . Even when we 're not training , start walking on your balls . It 'll help you react quicker because you can move in any direction from there without having to shift your weight first . " " You see how I stay on the ball of my foot and that allows my heel to twist around and let my body forward more ? Well , it 's not just to gain range . I 'm actually pushing off the ground with my foot . I plant the ball firmly and push from it . The ankle swivel will follow naturally . My punch starts at my foot , flows through my legs , through the twist in my abs , all the way through my back and chest and shoulder . And all that power is focused into my arm and then explodes out of my fist . " Morty reasserted his stance then threw a full powerful punch . This time at his top speed . Azzen was impressed by how fast the big guy 's whole body moved . It seemed more like a quick twitch of his entire form ; not the elaborate hulking swing of a boxer . " Just practice , " Morty said . " It 's muscle memory . At first , you 'll have to focus on having the punch travel through your whole body , but once you get used to it , everything will occur in sequence , perfectly , and nearly at once . " Azzen did as he was told . Pushed from the ball of his foot , shoved with his legs , twisted with his body , and punched with his arm . When he did , he could feel how much more powerful the hit would have been . He realized that before , his punches had pulled his body , but now , his body was pushing his punches , In fact , he had so much force that it carried him off balance and he stumbled forward a little . Morty chuckled and said , " Not bad , not bad . Focus on keeping your center of balance and slow it down a little bit . Your muscles are actually trained better if you do things in slow motion , rather than trying to do it fast . " Azzen grinned . Although the Master might not teach him anything , Morty seemed pretty good , and learning to fight could be fun . He thought he saw Fel eying him from the other side of the group , but tried to focus on his own form , instead of hers . While the kids practiced , Fel walked around inspecting them here and there . Giving them tips or scolding them for being lazy . She would usually wait a few moments before stepping in and correcting some minute error , but when she came to Azzen , she immediately tore into him . The girl grabbed his elbows that were sticking out and yanked them down . " You 're fighting , not flying , " she said . " Keep your elbows down . Protect your chest . " Then she pulled his wrists more outward . " Keep your hands away from your face or you 'll get them shoved into your nose . NO ! Don 't drop them low ! Just hold them out farther . Lower your chin or I 'll punch you in the neck . " She kicked his back foot so it pointed more forward . " Make a ' V , ' not an ' L , ' " she said . " AND KEEP YOUR BACK STRAIGHT , " she yelled in his ear . In the midst of all the corrections , Azzen had slouched forward . Morty grinned at him . " Nothing wrong . That was perfect , actually . She just doesn 't want you getting a big head . Wants you to keep practicing . " " You 're a quick learner , " Morty complimented . " Keep training your muscles to punch like that one you just did . Remember the things Fel pointed out , and you 'll be calling out challenges in no time . " " Slow down , " Morty would say . " This is your first day . You 're doing good , but if you try to go fast , you 'll start to get sloppy . Your lucky to be new cuz I means you don 't have ant bad habits . If you try to show off , you 'll form them . " So Azzen slowed down , and focused on doing everything exactly right , using every muscle in his body from the balls of his feet to the triceps of his arm . After Fel called out that they had ten more minutes until lunch , Morty told Azzen to try putting it all together and punch fast . Azzen gladly obliged , throwing what he thought were several perfect , precise , powerful , punches . " Not bad , " Morty said . " You really do learn fast . I 've got one more thing to add though . I didn 't tell you before because you needed to go slow . One trick to punching … it mostly for the jab , but can be applied to most anything … Instead of trying to push your fist forward with your muscles , just try snapping your elbow inward as fast as you can . Snap your elbow in so that your arm pops straight . Like this . " " Whoa , " Azzen said . Then he tried it , jabbing by snapping his elbow in , rather than pushing his fist out . It worked easily , surprising the boy with how fast his punch was . " Haha , cool ! " he exclaimed . " Don 't overdo it , " Morty warned . " If you 're too strong , you 'll pop your elbow out . And you 'll notice as your practicing that your elbows will start to hurt . Give them time to heal . Work your body up a little at a time . You don 't want to injure yourself . But at the same time , no pain , no gain , right ? " he winked . Fel announced that training was over and that they could all go get lunch . Azzen followed the Rats inside and ate some more mush . Once again , he felt the revitalizing effects of the food , though this time he didn 't need it as much . Azzen yawns and stretches wide . " Alright , " he agrees . " Do you actually mind if I take you home ? I 'm pretty tired . I was up all night catching stardust . " I like to write poetry and think about philosophy . If it 's written , it 's meant to be read ; so please read my stuff . To find out more About Me , just read my thoughts . |
~ This is not just a journal , it is the story of my Life . Or the story of my lives , to be more precise . In it you will find … Well this was happening to me , and it was at my own birthday party . I was a little drunk and I haven 't ever been the " Fake it " type anyways . So I ask the boy … Actually no . I Tell the boy . I 'll admit , it 's a cute smile . And for some reason , it makes my heart flutter . But when a guy grabs me by the arm and spins me around in the middle of a conversation with my friends , I get defensive . " DON ' T TOUCH ME ! " I shout , and I swing my hand up to backhand him . I 'll admit , it 's an overreaction , but this is MY party and I really don 't feel like dealing with a creep , no matter how cute he is . My brother saunters over in his casual swagger . He 's tall and lanky , and I 've seen him put a bat through more than just a car window . He 's always looked out for me , even though I can handle myself in a scrap . Hey , what are brothers for ? " Nothing I can 't handle , " I call back to him before he gets near . If I can overreact , Forest can fly off the handle . And I 'm just trying to have a good time . My brother takes the hint and slides off to the side . He starts flirting with some girls while keeping an eye on me . " You don 't remember me ? " he asks . He seems upset in a sad kind of way ; like he 's genuinely disappointed . He locks eyes with me and holds my gaze a moment beyond platonic . My heart skips a beat and I have to look away . I wrack my mind again , because I felt a spark of memory , but it 's already gone , like a pleasant dream . He 's still staring intently at me . God , his eyes are beautiful … But that 's beside the point . I try to ignore the strange encounter . It was more than an awkward " forgotten acquaintance " moment , it was unnaturally mysterious . That type of stuff just doesn 't happen in real life , does it ? What was he talking about my name for ? And when would he see me later ? I 'm not scared of him . More curious . And the more I think about it , the more it seems like I really am supposed to know him . But sifting through every memory of my life , nothing comes to mind . I 'm up before my brother . He 's passed out and is gonna need some Mydol when he wakes up . Don 't laugh . He drinks like a Troll and the stuff does wonders on a hangover . There 's a knock at the door . That 's unusual for this early . I 'm the only conscious person in the house , so I go to answer . As I reach for the handle , I can sense him . I know he 's there , on the other side . Don 't ask how I know . I just trust my instincts . As I head up the stairs , the boy raps loudly on the door . I ignore it and keep walking . Next thing I know , there 's a massive crash and I turn to see the door fly off it 's frame into the house . I 've always been fast , and I had a twenty foot lead , but before I get up four steps , I feel a hand close around my ankle and I fall on my face . I swipe back at his arm with the Butcher knife and he lets go with a chuckle . I scramble up the stairs and head down the hallway into my brother 's room . He 's already out of bed and holding his bat as he rubs his aching head . I respond in a flat bland tone . " That guy from last night is here . He 's trying to kill me , " I say , less frantically than I think I should feel . My mind is racing , but my body is calm . It 's a weird feeling . " Oh , " Forest says . " Is that all ? " " Don I owe you an ass whoopin ? " my brother smirks . I can 't see his face , but I can hear the lightness in his voice . My brother lunges forward . He can lunge a lot farther than most people expect . He swings the bat down like a hammer , but the boy steps to the side and spins a kick into Forest 's stomach . I watch in horror as my brother is launched backwards down the hall and smashes into the wall . It looks like he got shot out of a cannon . There 's no way anyone can kick that hard . It 's impossible . I look at my brother . He 's unconscious , still with that stupid smirk on his face . " Jah … neh … " he seems to mumble . Nonsense . I 'm backing up , but I 'm not scared . I 've never been scared . I 'm just acutely aware that he is stronger than me . He has some sort of power . Something otherworldly . I do . But I 'm just creative . I 've even asked about it before . If other people think about smells in their mind . Or have mixed emotions about things they make up . Or if their imagination plays out entire scenes like a dream while they 're awake . Turns out some people do to an extent , but not really like me . Not altogether perfect like me . But I haven 't thought of stuff like that forever . I 'm just creative . I 'm just a little weird and get wrapped up in my own fantasies . " Get away from me , " I say , the boy 's nearness snaps me out of my thoughts . I don 't know how he got so close , but he 's right up against my knife now and pressing forward , daring me to stand my ground . I back up . " WHAT ARE YOU DOING ? ! " he roars from outside . " THE YOU I KNEW NEVER RAN . THE YOU I KNEW WOULD NEVER HIDE ! YOU WERE NEVER SCARED OF ANYTHING ! " The bathroom door is ripped out off its hinges and the boy tosses it aside down the hall . He leans back against the hallway wall and crosses his arms . He looks me up and down and regards me as though he 's waiting for something . " What ? " he interrupts . " Are you embarrassed ? Are you ashamed of the name you know is yours ? ? " The boy walks into the bathroom and I back up . " What is the name you call yourself in your mind ? What is the name YOU chose ? " My back hit 's the wall and he presses me into it . He 's intimately close and the heat of his body is cooled by his breath as he speaks softly . " Say it , " he demands . " Say the name you will always answer to . " Suddenly the words he 's saying make sense . Even though I haven 't thought of it for years . Not since I was a child . Not since I quit making my imagination stories . I had a name for myself , or for the older , stronger , cooler me , that I used to imagine . I don 't know why I used a different name , I just did . I think I did because it was a different me in my imagination , but it was still Me , right ? But I 've never said that name out loud . Not once . Not ever . I can 't even bring myself to ask . How can he know ? How can anyone know ? I 've never told anyone that name . I 've never told anyone those stories . How did he pick that name out of my head like that ? It feels like ice . It feels like somebody has invaded my memories . Except they 're not even memories . They 're just made up fantasies . It 's like he 's stealing them from me . But at the same time , he wasn 't . After the shock , I feel warm . I feel comfort . That somebody knows . Somebody knows the inside me . The whole me . He 's not stealing anything . He 's sharing … There he is . And I know him . I know where I know him from . It kills me to admit it , but some kids have imaginary friends . I had one that was more than that . My imaginary boyfriend . My perfect man … " Yes ! " I shout . " All of that ! And why did you kill my brother ? " I demand . I know he 's not dead because I saw him breathing , but I don 't care to be specific . " I 'll be back tomorrow , " he says . " Just wait . I 've been searching for you for a long time . Don 't worry , I 'm not going to lose you now . I can 't . The world needs you too badly . " Before I can finish my sentence , the boy disappears . There 's a pop and a huge poof of black misty smoke , and he 's gone . The smoke quickly dissolves , and there 's no trace of him , other than the broken doors and my broken brother , who is now snoring obnoxiously . I see him again the very next day . After spending the previous twenty - four hours trying to remember everything I could about the old stories I used to make up , I 'm pretty eager to find out what he meant when he said it was " real . " I mean , when I say I 'm creative , I mean I 'm fantastically creative . Even as a kid , or perhaps , more so as a kid , the thoughts on my mind were absolutely impossible . So maybe parts are real , like Azzen 's face and my real name , and other thoughts were just thoughts . He shows up at breakfast . I had a feeling he would . I hear him knock on the doorframe , from behind the curtain me and Forest hung up . Yesterday , after Forest woke up , I told him what had happened . Everything . Even about Azzen being an imaginary friend that I made up when I was a kid and coming to life . I asked him to stay away for the day , cuz I wanted to talk to him alone . My brother is usually overprotective , but he was surprisingly understanding . In fact , he didn 't put up a fuss at all and told me to have fun . When I asked why he wasn 't more freaked out about the guy that broke in yesterday and kicked him across the hall , he shrugged and responded , " because Azzen was my imaginary friend too , " and then left . I haven 't seen him since . Azzen smiles and winks knowingly . He helps himself to some bacon off the platter in the center of the table . I sit across from him and stare while he simply eats . I still can 't believe it 's actually him . That he 's actually real . " Where did you come from ? " I ask , breaking the silence . It wasn 't the first question I 'd planned , but sometimes it 's better to play it by ear . Azzen doesn 't reply . He eats some eggs and seems to be thinking about what to say . I follow his lead and take a few bites . He seems more casual about this than me . " I 'm not sure … I mean . I don 't really know if I remember anything . I know your name and your face . And there were others too , but I don 't know what 's real and what 's not . " I squirm . " I 'm kinda embarrassed to admit it , but no . I remember certain scenes and some details , but I was really young when I thought all that up . Most of it escapes me . I just remember it was some sort of wild adventure . " " Too many questions . I 'm trying to eat ! This food is almost good . " Azzen jests , stuffing a fat piece of egg in his mouth . I 've barely known him , but I know it 's a joke , and I answer back with sass . " Just like a man ! Mouths are for conversation too you know , not just stuffing your face . " I stare him down angrily . He pretends not to notice and eats . He takes a bite of toast , and washes it down with milk . He " ahh " s in satisfaction afterwards . When we met , you were a couple years younger . We both were . And like I said , I was originally from here . I don 't know how to explain it right now , but one day I was on my way home from classes and I noticed something shimmering in the trees off the sidewalk . I wasn 't in no rush , so I went to check it out . It looked like a mirror with a sparkles as a frame . Sparkles like from sparklers , but just floating there . And it wasn 't really a mirror , more like a picture . The scene in it was a forest , and the picture wiggled and waved , like heat waves . Being young and foolish , I touched it , and next thing I knew , I fell into your world . I was unconscious laying there for I don 't know how long . But when I woke up , it was dark . And I was woken up by somebody kicking me in the ribs . That would be you . You didn 't actually kick me , you tripped over my body and fell on me . I groaned awake and you immediately covered my mouth with your hand . That was the first time I ever laid eyes on you . There was a full moon out , but besides that , there even seemed to be a light glow about you . In the darkness , I couldn 't make out your precise features , but one thing definitely stood out that marked you different from other girls . Now I know for sure that he 's the real deal . Nobody could have guessed that detail . In my fantasies , I was like a panther woman . Nothing fancy like fur and paws . Just the ears and a tail . I don 't know why . I just thought it was cute or something . Both feminine and powerful . I always figured I picked it up off of batman or something . " Noh , " Azzen replies . " Just the ears . And I 'd see later that you had a tail . No fur or claws or anything like that . Regular Human hands and feet and body . Regular everything except the ears and tail . " " Hmmm … " I mutter pondering . That doesn 't jive quite right . I remember , in some of the stories , that I had some sort of claws … But that must have been made up then . " Well keep going , " I urge Azzen , wanting to know more . The very first thing you said to me was , " If you make a move , I 'll cut your throat . " And your ear twitched . That 's how I knew it was an ear . " Azzen , " I said . I don 't know why I said it . It wasn 't the name my parents gave me . It was the name I always used in video games or as my screen name . For some reason , it just came out . I wasn 't sure where I was and didn 't want to piss off a crazy catgirl , so I didn 't say anything else or make a move . You sat there for a moment and it seemed like you were listening for something . Then you cursed and took off . I remember thinking that you were running away from something . I wandered out of the forest and found a dirt road . On one side of it , the forest continued , and on the other side , fields and farmland stretched as far as I could see . I followed the road and found an old fashioned farm house with a barn in the back . I courageously knocked on the door . The woman that answered wasn 't completely a woman . She didn 't have cat ears , but her ears were still different . They were in the same spot as a Human 's but they were as long as a ruler and pointed at the ends . I was a little taken aback , and kind of forgot what to ask . " Eh . Yer one of those , eh ? Too scrawny for the Master ? What 'd your parents drop you off and he wouldn 't accept you ? You don 't look so bad , compared to some of the other runts he takes on . " " Just one of the Master 's children , " the woman sang . She was very beautiful and her voice was as sweet as a bird 's . I would place her in her mid - twenties . " That 's my husband , " she told me . " I 'm sorry if he 's a bit rude in his later years , he 's still an honest man though . " When we entered the room , I was surprised to see that the woman 's husband was an old man . More than old . Elderly . His hair was white and thin and his skin was wrinkled and sagging . He didn 't seem as rude as the woman had apologized for and he offered me some stew . " You can stay the night if you 'll chop ten logs for me in the morning , " he told me . " I 'm sure that 'll be no problem for you . It 'll set us up for a while . I 'm too old these days and I hate to have my wife deal with that sort of labor . " I wanted to ask the young woman how she 'd ended up with such an old man , but thought it would be rude . Later , I 'd realize that she was an Elf and was probably several hundred years older than him . Probably Manbating for the land . So I stayed the night and spent half the next day chopping up those ten logs . The Elf lady made a comment that it was no wonder the Master tossed me out of his school . I didn 't know what she was talking about and didn 't ask . She gave me breakfast and lunch , which I was thankful for . When I was done , I asked if I could use her phone . She asked me what I was talking about and after trying to explain it , she said I might be able to find such a device in the city . She pointed me up the road and I started walking again . I passed a few more houses , but I was pretty weirded out by what I 'd seen so far , so I just kept going towards the city . After several miles , I came to a large manor with a bunch of kids fighting outside . They weren 't really fighting . More like practicing with sticks . There were kids of all ages , from six year olds to guys and gals that could be twenty . Most of the younger kids were wearing straight up rags . Brown and tattered . Most of the boys were shirtless . The older kids had clean clothes , but they were plain white shorts and shirts , made out of some sort of thick cloth . A few of the oldest kids were wearing fancy dyed clothes , green or purple or blue , with golden embroidered designs . One of them shouted at me as I was passing by . " No , that 's okay , " I said . " I 'm heading to the city , it 's that way right ? " I pointed and kept moving . " Um , no … I think I 'm gonna go . " I brushed their sticks aside and tried to push through , but they barred my way . The boy in green strode over to us . " You 'll come or you 'll fight , " he said , drawing a sword that I hadn 't seen before . " And you 'll be fighting me , not just these Rats . So think wisely before you decide . " My thoughts while I waited was that the door was too large . It was ten feet high and wide enough to drive two cattle through . But when it opened , the massive man staring down at me nearly filled the entire entrance . Thinking back on it , he was probably part Ogre , though I 've never thought of that until just now . He had thick spiky hair and a scarred face . It looked like something had tried to chew through one of his cheeks and the other had a large slashing scar across it up to his brow . He was bare - chested , wearing only white shorts and a black belt , bringing to mind some sort of monstrous , gladiator , karate master . His chest was purely muscle , and looked solid as marble , though he was quite tan . There were pale scars littered across every inch of his body . The Master snorted some sort of grunt or laugh and said " Yes . I have a map . " And then mumbled to himself , " at least he speaks right . " Another thing I noticed about you was that your clothes were different from any of the other boys or girls outside . You wore a white blouse and a white skirt , and they were embroidered with red instead of gold . But I didn 't know anything about that at the time . I just thought you were pretty . The Master and I walked through a room , down a hallway , and turned into another room . This one was a Library , with many more books than the small study you had been sitting in . The Master wasted no time in going to a shelf and pulling out a large rolled up parchment . He laid it out on an impressive oak table and dropped a couple sculpted paperweights on it to hold it in place . You seemed to know where we went , because moments later , you arrived with a tray , holding a bottle of wine and two full glasses . The Master took a glass and growled at you to leave the tray and get out of there . You did , but you also took the other glass and walked it around the table to me . When you handed it to me , we exchanged one glance . The sharp look in your eyes told me everything I needed to know at once : " You don 't know me . You didn 't see me last night . You 've never seen me before now . " " I 've never heard of it , " he told me . So I took a look at the map , but I didn 't recognize a single landmark on it . And besides that , it was just an island . I didn 't even know if I was in America . " What do you mean ? This one takes up the whole table . It 's as detailed as you 're going to get , " the Master replied . " I 'm not from anywhere on here … " I said . " Are you sure … I mean , do you have a map that 's not just the island ? " " Oh … Okay . Well , thanks for trying to help , " I said . I took a sip of the wine , so as not to be rude . Immediately , warmth flushed through me and my whole body tingled . I heard ringing in my ears , but it subsided quickly . I felt a knot of fear in my stomach . There was something wrong with that wine . Woozily , I continued what I was saying . " I guess I should head to the city though … I think I 'll be able to figure it out from there . " " Yes , probably , " said the Master . " But you won 't make it there by the night . You 'll stay here with the boys tonight and chop some wood tomorrow . I 'll have one of the boys take you later . " The Master cracked a smile . " Well I don 't allow my boys to wear fancy clothes unless they earn them . You 'll change into some Rat rags to fit in . Don 't worry , they 're clean , just brown . " " It 's been done . And you were barely getting to the good part . " I want to know more . So far he 's mostly just talked about himself . I want to know about my supposed past life . He could still just be making all this up . But even as I consider it , I doubt he 's lying . As he was talking about me , it came back . Tripping over him , being at the Master 's , and the wordless look I gave him when he first got there . It all came back when he said it . But there was something wrong with the Master . Not something that he said … something he didn 't say . I 'm trying to figure it out . That 's why I want him to keep going . " Yeh , " Azzen says . " He was strong like that , but nothing special in the long run . Back then though , he was definitely the strongest guy around . " " Yes , he was . Your starting to remember . He was holding all of us against our will , actually . I didn 't realize I 'd walked into a spider 's web when I first got there . But I 'll tell you more of that some time tomorrow . I 've got some things to take care of today . " " It means I can always find you if I have permission to use your name . Fel , do I have permission to use you name ? " Azzen asks with a sly smile . Something was rubbing me the wrong way . He was already using my name . My TRUE name , according to him . And with these tales of Goblins and Elves … I 've heard stories about True Names … The next day , I go to the store and buy a tape recorder . Then I pass the time watching T . V . , listening to music and writing in my journal . I 'm trying to keep my schedule open … I decide to go for a walk and wind up strolling to a park near my house . I sit in a swing and hum along to with my Ipod for a while . Then I feel his presence approach me from behind . I take out my earphones as he slides his hands on my shoulders . His touch is warm and comforting . I 've never liked being touched . It 's always felt weird and awkward with other guys . Forced . I always know what they want . But with Azzen , it isn 't like that . It 's just … different . It 's innocent . That 's all we do for a while . I sit . He pushes . And I know we are both perfectly happy . And just at the right moment , when I want to talk , he moves over and sits in the swing beside me . Azzen pulls a folded piece of paper out of his pocket and hands it to me . I unfold it and see a dark red arrow drawn on it , it looks like it 's painted in blood . Ew . But the amazing thing is that is points to me . Regardless of where I move it , the arrow always points to me . " Yeah . I kind of want to remember this . I think I want to write it down in my journal later , if that 's okay . Just the story . " I slept with the " Rats " that night at the Master 's . They all slept in a single large room with mats laid out on the ground for beds . There were other girls there , but I looked around briefly and didn 't see you . They gave me an empty one and I tucked my regular clothes into my pillow case . It wasn 't the most comfortable bed , but I fell asleep without much trouble . The next morning , I got up with them and followed the crowd to breakfast . I saw you there . You were eating alone . I wanted to go eat with you , but I remembered the look that you gave me last night . So instead , I just ate the oatmeal mush that was served and then asked one of the boys where I could find the Master . The kid pointed to you and said to , " ask the Merca . " He seemed to think it was funny for some reason . Personally , I was just glad to have an excuse to talk to you . I 'm not usually nervous around girls , but I 'd never seen anyone like you . With or without the ears , you were stunning . A mix of classic beauty and exotic wildness . There was rowdiness in your eyes , but grace in your walk . A walk that I noticed , because when I approached you , you got up and left . So Fel took me to the Master . And the Master told her that I would be chopping wood with you - Er , Fel . Fel said that was fine and seemed pleased . She smiled at me , and that seemed to piss the Master off , cuz the next thing he did was scold her and say , " Don 't think you 're getting off easy . You 'll be chopping twice as much wood today , since there 's two of you . " And that seemed to kill your … Ugh , sorry . Fel 's mood . I didn 't want to make things harder on you , so I said sorry . " Then it 'll be better for you , " the Master said . " Build up your stamina , so that you don 't get caught so easily when you try to run away . Unless you like your ass whoopings . " Fel yelled again at the Master . " He 's mine then . If you 're going to stick me with his chores , I get to use him to train . " The catgirl took Azzen outside to the backyard of the manor . The yard extended into the forest . There was a large chopping block and a pile of massive logs . The logs weren 't regular sized logs , like the ones Azzen had cut for the Elf 's husband , they were gigantic . Longer than a semi truck and too thick to fit through a door . Fel walked right up to the closest one and told Azzen to go grab the other side . " Yeah sure , " Azzen joked . " No problem . " He knew there was no way the two kids could move the log onto the chopping block . They would have to cut it into pieces and then chop up each piece at a time . He stood expectantly and waited for Fel to get serious . Azzen silently obeyed and approached the side of the house that was glistening with various metal tools . As he got closer , he saw that they weren 't really tools , they were actually an assortment of deadly weapons of different shapes and sizes . After quickly admiring some swords , spears , mauls , flails , pikes , knives , nun - chucks and bow - staffs , he found a section of axes . There were about twenty of them , ranging from small hatchets to huge double sided battle axes . Azzen picked out one that looked like a standard woodcutting axe . Without further ado , the catgirl snatched an ax from Azzen and swung it high and hard , down onto the massive log . The blade dug a good foot through and after wiggling it out , she swung again . Azzen watched in awe as the girl quickly hacked off a two foot section and then began again , a little further down . Azzen started and grappled with the huge chunk of wood . After wrestling it over to the chopping block , he dug his fingers under it and lifted with enormous effort , hefting it up onto the block . In the time it took him to get the piece in place , Fel had already sectioned off another chunk of wood . The boy ignored her and went to work , chopping up the wood . The big ax he swung did most of the work , but lifting it above his head over and over was no easy task . Still , he didn 't complain , and when the first chunk was chopped up , he moved right on to the next one . " The Master makes us chop wood , " she explained between huffing swings , " to build stamina . And to sell in the market when he goes to the city . That 's his scam . He says he 's gonna teach all us kids how to fight and become great warriors , but he really just makes us chop wood . " " Says he does . But really , we teach each other . When we don 't have chores or Chop Duty , we practice on our own . Master divides us into three groups , so we all practice with other kids at our own level , but that 's about all he does . That and beats us up if we try to run away . " " He tells everybody anything to get them in here . But once you 're here good luck getting out . He 'll just keep telling you that he 'll do it tomorrow , and then tomorrow . And if you try to run away , that 's when you 'll know . " " That he don 't care . He 'll chase you and catch you and beat you . And then you stop asking him to take you to city anymore . " " Me ? No . Other kids do , but that 's part of the scam . The Master claims this is a fighting school . He says that he trains us to be great warriors and that the parents aren 't allowed to watch us train , because of all his ' secret techniques , ' " Fel paused for a rest after she finished sectioning off the second log . " But he don 't teach us nothing . Just beats us up and makes us do chores . In the spare time , we train ourselves . Oiyah bruntaros E Master , " she spat and left to go grab another log . " Don 't tell him I said that . " Azzen couldn 't believe it . There must be forty or fifty kids at this school . How could nobody realize what was going on ? Wouldn 't somebody catch on and step in ? He finished chopping up a fourth section as Fel returned , huffing with the log in tow . " Because the Master is really strong and really fast . And those are the only two ways to get out of here . Beat him up or outrun him . Either way , once you 're able to , you 've become a powerful warrior . So people that see it from the outside think it works . But it don 't . Some kids grow old and die here . Once you 're too old , the Master kills you , cuz you 're making the school look bad . " " OH I SHOW YOU CRAZY ! " Fel shouted , suddenly enraged . The girl swung the axe high over her head and brought it down to bear on Azzen . The boy had to dive out of the way to keep from getting chopped in half . The axe dug deep into the dirt where he had once stood . " Yah ! And Donchu Forget It ! " she shouted back . " Yousa my puppy dog . Master say so . Noh get upset if you get head chopped . " " And by the way , " she said . " We can use those weapons to practice , but always put them back . If you take one out of the backyard , an alarm will ring and the Master will kill you . " Azzen was beat . His body ached and was already sore . His hands were rubbed raw and his back felt like it had been beat on with one of those huge mauls that was hanging on the side of the manor . Lunch turned out to be the same oatmeal mush as the morning . Azzen looked at it in disdain . Was this what he had to look forward to for the rest of his life ? Though the mush was bland , it was surprisingly good . Not in the sense of taste , but in the effect it had on Azzen 's body . Warmth flooded through him from the first bite and the tension in his muscles was immediately eased . Azzen wasn 't sure what she meant by " special magic , " but even if it was Crack , he couldn 't get enough of it . He gobbled his bowl and asked Fel if he was allowed to get some more . She said it was fine and Azzen consumed a second helping . When he was done , he felt completely renewed and was ready for whatever came next . Chores turned out to be cleaning the manor . Fel cautioned Azzen that this was the only time they were allowed to wander through the manor freely . Other than to clean , they were only allowed to visit the sleeping area and the dining area . " In the morning , we practice together , but we missed that today , " Fel told Azzen . The girl grabbed a couple sticks from some younger Rats who muttered obscenities at her under their breath ; Fel ignored them . She lead Azzen off to the side of the manor where they were alone . When they left , one of the boys called out , " figures she 'd want to try out the new kid ! " Fel ignored that as well . She spoke to Azzen when they were one - on - one . " As a group , we strength train and practice form . After lunch , we do what we want . Most always , we spar . " With her last word , Fel tossed Azzen one of the sticks . When he caught it , she immediately swung at him and he instinctively blocked it . She pulled back and thrust at his chest , hitting him hard . Azzen grins at me . " Well I take it back . What really happened was I didn 't want to hurt you , so I played dead and let you kick me . " There 's a pop and black mist swirls around us . It blocks out the whole world for just one moment and then clears immediately . Azzen pulls me into his arms as a rickshaw bustles by . It nearly ran me over . I just almost got flattened by a bike - carriage , but what really makes my pulse race is realizing how close Azzen is . His strong arms are wrapped around me protectively , holding me safe . " Where are we ? " I ask , keeping my voice calm , my lips are just a few inches from his . The scene after black mist has completely changed . We 're on a cobblestone street in the middle of a flashy city that is both extravagant and grungy at the same time . Hundreds of brown skinned Asians are passing by on foot or on mopeds , with absolutely no regard for traffic procedure . Okay . I 'm not going to freak out . And I 'm not stupid . I 've seen enough movies to know that we 've just teleported or something . " Hue , " Azzen says . " I know it 's not exactly Chinese , but this place has the best Pho . " " And your cultural experience too , " Azzen says . " Come on , it 's good . They 've got a picture of Bill Clinton eating here . " Azzen laughs and pulls me into the restaurant . We sit at a small table and he orders for me when the waiter comes . He just points at the menu and says , " that " a lot . His voice came in my head . < You 're thinking that even if I can speak into someone 's mind , it doesn 't necessarily mean I can read their thoughts . And you 're wondering if I 'll point out the difference . > " Noh . Not exactly , " he says to my disappointment . " But I 'm sure remembering will help . We 'll work on you believing it later . " Azzen just gazes at me with light interest and gives me a whimsical smile . He 's so handsome that I almost fall into his eyes and lose focus , but after a moment of dreaminess , I snap back to attention . " Tell me ! " I insist . But he won 't . He keeps ignoring me and changes the subject , talking about Vietnam and other places he 's been . Then our food comes . And it 's amazing . I open my mouth and he quickly shoves the whole thing in , almost gagging me and chuckles to himself . What a jerk . But he 's right , I love it . Azzen woke up in the middle of the night . He had no idea how long he 'd been out , but what he did know was that Fel had left him bleeding on the ground , off to the side of the manor , not even bothering to bandage him or bring him in . The boy rubbed his hair and felt sticky blood , but it was all residual . The wound had stopped leaking . The boy achilly pulled himself off the ground and set about getting back inside the manor . But on his way , he noticed a fire flickering in the woods . Curious , and not in a hurry to go back to sleep , in case he had a concussion , he headed towards the light . Minutes passed and the two sat , each lost in their own thoughts . For Azzen , it was thoughts of getting home and ponderings of where he really was . How had he gotten here ? And who was this girl beside him with kitty ears and a tail ? " No . We have them , but they 're mostly for show … We figured out easier ways to kill each other , I guess , " Azzen said . " Hey ! " he piped up . " Have you ever heard of a telephone ? " Fel looked over at him and studied his eyes to see if he was trying to pull some trick on her . " Noh … " she said slowly . " What is this ? " Azzen looked up , trying to figure out how to explain himself . " Everything is different where I 'm from , " he said . " Similar , I guess . But different . There are not girls with cat ears where I 'm from . " Fel watched him quietly as the boy closed his eyes and sighed up into the night sky . " The stars , " he said . " The stars are different . Even on the other side of the world , I could find Polaris , the North Star . But now it 's gone . What does that mean ? " the boy asked to himself . There was silence for a moment until Fel broke it . " It means you 're lost , " she said . Azzen looked over at her and smiled weakly . Fel pointed up into the sky . " Here , the North Star is Trixi . If it is same as the North Star for you , it always stays North . There , you see ? " Azzen followed her finger . " Which one ? " he asked . " Good , " said Fel . " So now you 're not lost anymore . " She looked over at Azzen and gave him a smirk . Azzen smiled back . Azzen hesitated for a moment , but then decided he might as well tell the truth . He told Fel about the portal and falling through . She scoffed at his story and said he must have hit his head pretty hard . Fel nodded and said nothing more . Azzen began to contemplate his own existence and also fell silent . The two sat for awhile , watching the fire burn down to flickering embers . Fel got up to restock it before it completely died out . Azzen took her hand and Fel tensed a little , but allowed it . The boy felt her palm and ran his hand over hers . She pink was very warm to the touch , but she wasn 't burnt . The catgirl stood up . " You get burned a lot , " she said and kicked out the fire , scattering embers across the forest floor . " Come on Azzo . Let 's go sleep . " " Wait , " I interrupt . " Before you go any further , can you take me home ? " I ask . Our lunch was finished , but we were still chatting in the restaurant . " It 's nothing really . It 's just kinda messing with my head that it 's nighttime here . I 'm still only halfway through my day . " Azzen laughs . He pulls out a hundred American dollars and sets it on the table , which I 'm sure was way too much . Then he takes my hand and one swirly moment later , we 're in my home . Azzen puts his arm up and around me and I snuggle in . It just feels so natural . Maybe he cast a spell on me . I don 't really care . When Azzen woke up and got breakfast , he didn 't see Fel , so he ate with the Rats . He still hadn 't figured out where she slept . Everyone else seemed to have to sleep together in the common room . He sat with a group of the bigger guys and older girls . One of the boys clapped him on the back . " Don 't say ' yeah , ' " the kid said . " Say ' yes . ' And don 't say ' noh , ' say ' no . ' The Master hates Common . You got me ? " " I 'm Morty , " the boy introduced himself . " Top of the Rats . You 'll know about me . I 'm gonna be the next one to make it up to the Wolf Pack . " " Ugh , cut it out , " one of the girls complained . " You shouldn 't talk about her . Just thinking about a Merca is enough to make you sick . " " The white shirts , " Morty explained . " To get there , you have to beat every Rat at the same time . And then the Master will give you white clothes and let you train with them . " " Yup , " Morty said proudly . " You can call out a challenge at any time , but if you do , you 'll probably just get your ass kicked . I 'm the only one that ever tries . Everybody else knows they don 't stand a chance until I move up . " " I didn 't expect her to fight ! " Morty shouted . " She usually just sits back and yells . She got lucky , " he declared and glared around , daring anyone to challenge his word . " She just doesn 't , " Morty said defensively . " She 's class leader , so she thinks she 's too good to train with us . But she 's too scared to call a challenge . " " Those are Dragons . Same concept as a Rat moving up to the Wolf Pack . If you beat the whole Wolf Pack , you get to be a Dragon . There are only three of them right now and they train together . " " Isn 't that really just less people to practice with ? " Azzen asked , seeing obvious flaws in the system . " And if all the Rats get better at the same time , isn 't it possible that they could all be better than the guys in the Wolf Pack , without ever actually advancing ? " The Rats filed outside and lined up in the yard . Several of them began stretching while the others just chatted and joked around . Azzen hung around with Morty for a few minutes until Fel joined them all in the yard . After that , the catgirl lead the group in a series of stretches and light warm - up exercises . Jumping jacks , push - ups , sit - ups , and a few other calisthenics that Azzen had never done before . All were simple enough and he was able to copy the form of the kids around him . After that , Fel paired them up in twos or threes . Azzen was teamed with Morty and another big boy . From there , they began practicing proper punches , footwork , and form . Azzen learned a lot that day . He learned how to hold his body and found his balance . While Fel gave general instructions from the front , Morty was able to assist Azzen and their other partner with the subtler details . " Hold your back straighter , " he said . " Don 't lean forward so much . You need to be able to move backwards just as quickly as you can move forward . " " Your feet don 't need to be that wide , " Morty said . " Square them with your shoulders . Try to find the spacing that feels comfortable . " Morty laughed . " Yes . You know that jutting bone right behind your big toe . Get used to holding your weight on that , not your heels . Even when we 're not training , start walking on your balls . It 'll help you react quicker because you can move in any direction from there without having to shift your weight first . " " You see how I stay on the ball of my foot and that allows my heel to twist around and let my body forward more ? Well , it 's not just to gain range . I 'm actually pushing off the ground with my foot . I plant the ball firmly and push from it . The ankle swivel will follow naturally . My punch starts at my foot , flows through my legs , through the twist in my abs , all the way through my back and chest and shoulder . And all that power is focused into my arm and then explodes out of my fist . " Morty reasserted his stance then threw a full powerful punch . This time at his top speed . Azzen was impressed by how fast the big guy 's whole body moved . It seemed more like a quick twitch of his entire form ; not the elaborate hulking swing of a boxer . " Just practice , " Morty said . " It 's muscle memory . At first , you 'll have to focus on having the punch travel through your whole body , but once you get used to it , everything will occur in sequence , perfectly , and nearly at once . " Azzen did as he was told . Pushed from the ball of his foot , shoved with his legs , twisted with his body , and punched with his arm . When he did , he could feel how much more powerful the hit would have been . He realized that before , his punches had pulled his body , but now , his body was pushing his punches , In fact , he had so much force that it carried him off balance and he stumbled forward a little . Morty chuckled and said , " Not bad , not bad . Focus on keeping your center of balance and slow it down a little bit . Your muscles are actually trained better if you do things in slow motion , rather than trying to do it fast . " Azzen grinned . Although the Master might not teach him anything , Morty seemed pretty good , and learning to fight could be fun . He thought he saw Fel eying him from the other side of the group , but tried to focus on his own form , instead of hers . While the kids practiced , Fel walked around inspecting them here and there . Giving them tips or scolding them for being lazy . She would usually wait a few moments before stepping in and correcting some minute error , but when she came to Azzen , she immediately tore into him . The girl grabbed his elbows that were sticking out and yanked them down . " You 're fighting , not flying , " she said . " Keep your elbows down . Protect your chest . " Then she pulled his wrists more outward . " Keep your hands away from your face or you 'll get them shoved into your nose . NO ! Don 't drop them low ! Just hold them out farther . Lower your chin or I 'll punch you in the neck . " She kicked his back foot so it pointed more forward . " Make a ' V , ' not an ' L , ' " she said . " AND KEEP YOUR BACK STRAIGHT , " she yelled in his ear . In the midst of all the corrections , Azzen had slouched forward . Morty grinned at him . " Nothing wrong . That was perfect , actually . She just doesn 't want you getting a big head . Wants you to keep practicing . " " You 're a quick learner , " Morty complimented . " Keep training your muscles to punch like that one you just did . Remember the things Fel pointed out , and you 'll be calling out challenges in no time . " " Slow down , " Morty would say . " This is your first day . You 're doing good , but if you try to go fast , you 'll start to get sloppy . Your lucky to be new cuz I means you don 't have ant bad habits . If you try to show off , you 'll form them . " So Azzen slowed down , and focused on doing everything exactly right , using every muscle in his body from the balls of his feet to the triceps of his arm . After Fel called out that they had ten more minutes until lunch , Morty told Azzen to try putting it all together and punch fast . Azzen gladly obliged , throwing what he thought were several perfect , precise , powerful , punches . " Not bad , " Morty said . " You really do learn fast . I 've got one more thing to add though . I didn 't tell you before because you needed to go slow . One trick to punching … it mostly for the jab , but can be applied to most anything … Instead of trying to push your fist forward with your muscles , just try snapping your elbow inward as fast as you can . Snap your elbow in so that your arm pops straight . Like this . " " Whoa , " Azzen said . Then he tried it , jabbing by snapping his elbow in , rather than pushing his fist out . It worked easily , surprising the boy with how fast his punch was . " Haha , cool ! " he exclaimed . " Don 't overdo it , " Morty warned . " If you 're too strong , you 'll pop your elbow out . And you 'll notice as your practicing that your elbows will start to hurt . Give them time to heal . Work your body up a little at a time . You don 't want to injure yourself . But at the same time , no pain , no gain , right ? " he winked . Fel announced that training was over and that they could all go get lunch . Azzen followed the Rats inside and ate some more mush . Once again , he felt the revitalizing effects of the food , though this time he didn 't need it as much . Azzen yawns and stretches wide . " Alright , " he agrees . " Do you actually mind if I take you home ? I 'm pretty tired . I was up all night catching stardust . " I like to write poetry and think about philosophy . If it 's written , it 's meant to be read ; so please read my stuff . To find out more About Me , just read my thoughts . |
Moth , you don 't have to worry , she 's been here the whole time . Sunday afternoon I was in the park in town , trying to raise money for when I leave Hope again and need to pay for my own food . I wasn 't having much luck , everyone was a bit busy to want to head in to the park but I wasn 't allowed on the main street because of local rules . Out of nowhere , Picasso appeared , presumably popping out of the Path by the look of it , clutching a puppy and a broom handle . She looked like she 'd been through a meat grinder or something , from how badly she was torn up . The puppy was in much better shape , and seemed pretty happy in her arms . I took it , swallowing hard . I know how to sew , I decided it couldn 't be too different . As long as I could ignore the blood . She waited a moment to see that I was doing alright , then continued . " Monsters in the Path . . . angry . They can hear the screaming . They use it to find me . " We talked while we stitched her up , talking about a lot of things that don 't really matter . She was in even worse shape than I 'd first realized , and so I decided I wouldn 't leave her alone . She couldn 't survive the Path in her current shape , and I didn 't like the thought of leaving her on the street after she 'd come all this way just for me . So I took her back to Hope , where our host was a lot less irritated than I 'd expected . She 's been here since , and it 's surprisingly peaceful ( So long as I keep her distracted from thinking about Duckie ) . I 'm not sure when she 's leaving , but I 'll be glad for her company as long as she stays . Who says people can 't change ? So it looks like I 'm not going to be spending my holiday on the street after all , though whether or not this is an improvement is something I 'm not clear on yet . For the moment , I 've got a bed and solid meals for the first time in years . I 'm half expecting to be murdered in my sleep , because it feels much too good to be true . About a week and a half ago I was at the little cafe again , trying to catch up on blogs and maybe write a new post , when a very posh looking British man approached my table . He said we had ' things ' in common , and that I should come with him , because he wanted to help me . I was not convinced , and not buying it - whether he was a pervert or a murderer or a proxy , I didn 't want anything to do with him . My host is . . . apparently an old friend of the old owner of this place . He 's asked me not to reveal what he claims his identity is , and for now I figure it 's best to not cause problems . In any event , it 's nice to have a bed . I used to love this time of year , before I hit the streets . Back when I had a family and a job and my education meant something . My dad went crazy with the decorating and the lights and the dinner that was so large it took a week to polish off the leftovers . We didn 't always have a lot of money for presents when I was a kid , but he always made sure that the few I got really meant something . The rest of the family kept trying to win me over with dolls and pretty dresses and other ' girly ' things , but Dad always knew better . Sometimes I did get a doll or a stuffed animal or a dress , but only when they were things I actually wanted . He never had to ask me either , he just knew . It 's never really felt like Christmas since . But it 's still nice to hear the music everywhere . I just wish this wasn 't going to be another Christmas alone on the street . I 'm a little surprised at the sheer number of people I 've found that are on the monster 's side . I was under the impression that people like that who could blog were uncommon . It feels as though the opposite is true . I 'm not sure if that 's because runners have been weeded out , or if it 's because they 've abandoned blogging as too dangerous , like I almost did . Either way , it 's surprisingly lonely to only find such a few . I had hoped to find a grand community like the older bloggers had . In all my reading , it had appeared that runners had come together , had made this place their own , and were standing strong . I have offered my help to a kid stuck in a tree , but the odds are high that we 're too far apart for the offer to do any good . I probably shouldn 't have , it 's a big risk and likely to be a trap . I 'm just tired of being alone . I am back in a city for a while . There 's plenty of tall buildings here ( and lots of hills to help with the elevation ) , and it 's warm enough to allow me to avoid shelters for the time being . I needed to replenish my funds anyway , this seems as good a place as any to do it . If anyone 's still reading this blog , you have probably noticed that several months worth of posts have gone live over the past two days . After much thought , I have decided that I am going to start using this again . All of my drafted posts that I 'd decided not to post have been combed through , and all of the most relevant ones have been posted . I dreamed of Sam again last night . We held each other and kissed and touched , and it was so nice to see him again . I 've missed him so badly . All I wanted to do was pretend that nothing had happened , that he was still alive and we were happy . I took a deep breath . " Tall man . Wears a suit . Arms are too long , sometimes too many of them . " He hugged me tightly as I spoke . " And he has no face . " He broke down crying and apologizing . I pulled him into my arms and kissed him and rubbed his back . Anything I could think of to comfort him , I did . Eventually he relaxed in my arms and started hugging me back , trying to comfort me in return . " He 's a monster . " He replied automatically . " And he 's old . Don 't let them convince you otherwise . He 's this old . . . thing , that took the form of something some guy came up with . " He laughed with me , more out of a need to release some tension than out of any real humor in the situation . " I don 't know that there 's really any way to escape him . I think maybe he lets you think so , then comes to get you when he 's bored . " I didn 't know what to say to that , so I kissed him . I never expected to make it to thirty anyway , living on the street . I 'd almost rather it were a monster to do it instead of some random person killing a nigger for kicks . " You 'll be alright . You 're strong . Stronger than I ever was . Just stay good . " He smiled at me , and for a moment I could almost forget what we were talking about . It is perhaps a cruel irony that the woods is the least safe place to be in . I 'm well versed in survivalist skills . I could live quite comfortably in them almost indefinitely . But the monster forces me to retreat to cities , which are far less kind to someone of limited means . When I chose to live in the City before , I had hoped to rely on safety net programs that are supposedly all over . I wanted to believe that it was only temporary , and that I would come out the other side and go back to school . I did not account for the level of discrimination I faced while seeking that kind of help . A black man without a job is not to be trusted - a genderfluid person is too sinful , a homeless woman of my color is obviously a whore . Aid was denied me again and again , but somehow in the City I never really felt alone . From what I 'm reading , there used to be a sense of community among those the monster chose for his prey . I wish there still was , as I have never felt more alone . If I were actually planning on posting this , I would take this opportunity to plea for aid or companionship . I was wrong . There 's no other way to say this . I was wrong in the worst way possible . Applying logic and reason to this was a mistake . I know that now . I know why Sam was so afraid , and why he was torn apart and why that girl was insane and why all those people were so scared . I found the answer online , but I didn 't want to believe it . I 'm still not completely convinced I haven 't just gone insane , or been drugged or something . But it all fits . I don 't feel mad , it 's all so rational , if you can ignore the monster aspect . Ⓧ is the sign of the Slender Man . Sam had been running from him for . . . a while . He was a blogger - I 'm discovering that there are many blogs written by those chased by or working for him . I knew he had a blog , but this explains why he didn 't want me to see it . Apparently the easiest way to draw the monster 's attention is to learn about him . Even knowing his title is dangerous . Or , in my case , knowing his symbol and getting too close to someone who knew more . Sam was always so scared of telling me even the slightest bit of his recent past , moreso than seemed reasonable to be scared of an organization . He always said it was too dangerous for me to know . Now I know why . His death , as well , fits perfectly . The stories say that the Slender Man likes to tear people apart and leave the remains in trash bags . Normally those bags end up in trees , but I guess here in the City there 's a bit of a shortage of trees isolated enough for that purpose . I was on a flatbed for the night , huddled up among some boxes for warmth . I thought I 'd fallen asleep at first , because seeing him I knew that he didn 't quite belong in this world . There 's an off quality about him that is hard to describe . The first thing I realized was that I 'd seen him before . A ' tall guy in a suit ' , I believe I 've described him in the past . The night I got mugged , he was there . And in the warehouse where Sam died . Both times I was out of it enough to be able to convince myself that I 'd imagined how unsettling he was . After all , a man in a suit is nothing unusual in the City . But this time I couldn 't delude myself into disbelieving . He was a little bit too tall , and his arms were too long . I couldn 't see his hands at all , and as much as I wanted to believe it was just the dark night and his dark skin , I couldn 't see his face because he didn 't have one . His touch hurt so badly I passed out , and then I woke up in some random town , with burns on my arms where he touched me and with no idea where I was or how I 'd gotten there . There is no train yard here , so I 'm going to have to walk down a highway and hope I can find a town with more prospects . I 've been getting too many weird looks here in this tiny little lily white town . I made it out of the city in one piece . I didn 't have enough money to buy a ticket , so I hopped on a freight train like a hobo from an old movie . It worked pretty well , though , especially since it 's not quite getting cold enough to be more than vaguely uncomfortable . I 'm not even sure where I am - I 've been hopping off to find food whenever we come to a trainyard in a town big enough to look promising , then hopping the next train I can . I 'm always a little scared I 'll get caught and get in trouble , but I guess they don 't really care too much as long as I don 't muck up the cargo and I stay hidden . I 'm stuck here overnight , which is why I 'm finally taking the time to update this blog . I 've been doing some research on the side . I used to be pretty good at it , during my academic days . That woman said that the symbol was her boss ' mark . It 's my only clue , so I started quietly asking around . Homeless people tend to be everywhere and see everything , especially when it comes to the criminal element , so I was certain it would turn up somewhere . I got a whole lot of nothing . The only people who knew anything denied any knowledge - except for poor Tyler , who hasn 't been doing well off his meds . Unfortunately , a schizophrenic 's rantings about curses and demons can 't be taken seriously , so I 'm back at square one . All I know is that anyone who recognizes the symbol tends to fit the drifter type . Mid to late teens , usually , and the type who doesn 't stay in town for long . And they all refuse to talk about whatever it is . As a last resort , I tried plugging it in to Google , on the off chance that something would come up . I got plenty of information online , just nothing that makes any sense . I might as well go back and listen to Tyler , it 's pretty thematically similar . It 's a mathematical symbol , it 's a Japanese police station , it 's the planetary seal of Jupiter , or it 's the symbol for an imaginary creature called the " Slender Man " , who seems to be a pretty standard boogyman type , that steals children and kills meddling adults . None of this makes any sense in my case . Apparently people are reading this now . I have comments . That 's new . I 'm glad you 're reading this , I 'm glad someone 's reading Sam 's story . Even if I have been derailing things with my own life . I 'd be hesitant , but now I 'm certain that all of this is connected . And I know Sam wouldn 't want me to cut myself off when I so badly need an outlet of some kind . As much as I 'd like to deny that , I do . I 'm scared . There 's something going on here I 'm not quite getting . What could Sam have possibly done to bring this much attention on himself ? That would bring down this level of shit on me , just for knowing him ? This isn 't some simple gang shit . No gang would chase me across territory like this guy has . And no gang I 've heard of would act the way these guys act . This is something huge . A mafia family maybe ? Or government types ? I don 't know , now I just sound crazy . All I really have are hunches and intuition and things that just don 't make sense . All I really know is that Sam definitely wasn 't just a fan of the X - Men . A few days ago my stalker decided that just following me around wasn 't enough anymore . I was trying to lose him for the third time that day when he charged me out of nowhere . I had no choice but to duck into the nearest alley to try to get away . It was blocked off , and . . . decorated . With what must have been a hundred of those symbols drawn all over in what looked like blood . Normally my reflexes are what save me in dangerous situations , but I admit to being a bit too stunned to react properly . I lunged for the closest thing to a weapon I could find - a broom handle sticking out of a garbage can . What I didn 't do was appropriately keep an eye on my surroundings . I watched my stalker pull out his knife and clean it threateningly . I didn 't get an answer . Instead she charged me , I struck her , and my stalker managed to grab me from behind . My attempts to kick back and get free were stopped by the masked woman 's knife pressing into my chest . " What do you want ? " I repeated , trying very hard not to show any of the fear I felt . She smiled , and it was unsettling in a way she didn 't intend . It was obviously supposed to be intimidating , but what scared me far worse was the madness behind it . Whatever else she was doing , it was clear to me in that moment that she was insane and being used by someone who used that to their advantage . Not a good sign at all , really . If a person is willing to use the mentally ill to get to you , they probably don 't care what happens to you . Or they 're terrifying enough to scare them into submission . Either way , not a good sign . After a moment that felt like a lifetime , she spoke . " We 're just . . . marking what belongs to our boss . Which is a shame to do to something so pretty . " My stalker took that opportunity to carve a symbol into my shoulder . At that moment I didn 't know what it was , just that it hurt like hell . She looked pleased with me , which made me question whether asking questions was a good idea . " Good question . You 'll just have to find out . " At this point she did something that made my stomach roll . She sliced herself and pressed the cut to the wound in my shoulder . I 'm not sure what the point of that was . Was she trying to infect me with something ? I wish I could find out , but I can 't exactly afford to get tested . " What are you doing ? " I shouted , squirming away instinctively . " You 'll just have to find out , cutie " She giggled , like she was flirting with me , and started walking away , pulling my stalker with her . " Come on you masky wannabe . I think we 're done here . " At this point I was confused , frightened , but most of all frustrated with the secrets and the uncertainty and the lack of information . " You 're just going to LEAVE ? " I asked , almost irritated " Aww , what 's wrong ? Wanted more answers ? Maybe a better beating ? Maybe some sneakers ? " The woman replied , looking thoroughly amused . My stalker looked less so , and he punched her . That devolved into a one sided argument - something about a reference I didn 't understand and still don 't . " Answers , yes . Or even more questions so I know what to look for . " The woman was crazy , I was hoping she might let something slip . She didn 't . " If you aren 't finding questions , then maybe you aren 't looking for them ? " My stalker punched her again . " Dammit , I don 't need your crap right now , I 'm busy ! " She turned back to me and pulled two throwing axes . " Fine , you want a fucking question ? How about how well can I throw ? " I discovered later that what they carved into my shoulder was the same symbol Sam used to spray paint everywhere . The circle with the X through it that he claimed was the Xmen symbol . It 's clearly not . Which makes me wonder why he used it . If it 's the symbol of the man he was running from , shouldn 't he have been trying to avoid it ? Was he trying to throw people off his trail by putting the mark places so that people would think that it was that guy 's territory and that Sam couldn 't have been there ? I don 't understand , and he 's not around to ask . I have no answers , no real clues , nothing to go on but one of the vaguest symbols possible . At this point instead of a series of silent , masked stalkers , I 've now got one consistent one . I 'm not sure if it 's a good thing or not . He doesn 't seem to want to do anything other than follow me for the moment , so I 've decided that all I can do is let him follow - I can 't shake him for anything , and it 's been days . Nothing much has happened here since I got mugged . I 've been dodging more masked bastards , but they don 't know the city as well as I do , and they haven 't come out in droves again yet . It 's honestly almost like they 're waiting for something . I almost didn 't post this . I was so tempted to leave the story as it stood , to leave it with Sam 's life , and not end it with his death . I don 't like thinking about that morning . It was horrifying and heartbreaking and makes me want to cry and throw up all at once when I think about it . The morning after that night on the fire escape I showed up at the warehouse bright and early . I was so excited to see him , the man I loved so much . We were finally together and my heart was singing at the thought of being with him again . And then I arrived and all I saw was blood . My first , illogical thought , was to wonder why Sam had been throwing around paint . He was nowhere to be found , just the sticky , thick redness that looks fake after so many gorey movies and tv shows . People always say our generation is jaded against blood and gore , and I would have agreed with them before that day . And then I saw the pooling blood under a small pile of plain black trash bags . Completely normal and unassuming things . I stepped over to peer inside and nearly vomited at the gore that greeted me . He 'd been . . . disassembled . Almost liquefied . But I recognized the bloodstained clothing I found floating in the first bag , and in the third was what was left of his face . I think I screamed then , I 'm not sure . I think I probably passed out , because I remember the world going sideways and a strange man in a suit peering in the doorway at me . Then , nothing . Next thing I knew I was waking up on the floor and there were five cops running around the warehouse peering at bloodstains and glaring at me . They almost arrested me right then and there , it was only my incoherent pleading and gibbering that convinced them of my innocence . I was lucky that they decided they didn 't want anything to do me and sent me on my way . I 'm sorry for the lack of posting . I was mugged a little less than a month ago and I 've been lying low and trying not to use the computer , since there 's no other reason anyone would want to mug a homeless person . Someone must 've seen Sam 's computer and figured I 'd be an easy mark . It 's strange , though . I didn 't recognize the gang . By now I know all the gangs in my area with territory that 's more than a couple blocks , but these guys were new . Their sign was a mask . Any mask , it didn 't seem to matter which one , so there was an array of masks that ranged from a ninja turtles mask to a hand - painted one done in abstract reds and blacks that was surprisingly intimidating . They never said a word , and they were surprisingly good at stealth . I 'm not exactly a slouch , but I didn 't even know they were there until I was surrounded . I never really had a chance against six big burly men who 'd blocked off all means of escape . It was . . . bad . I honestly thought I wasn 't going to survive . Two of them had baseball bats , two were very good with their fists , and the last . . . he had a knife . I woke up in the emergency room . I 'd needed stitches in three different places , and I had a concussion and two broken ribs . According to the doctor that dealt with me , I was lucky - it was almost as though they 'd been deliberately trying to not kill me . That was about as much interest as I got . There was a bit of a fuss about me being a girl from one of the nurses , but even the police that came to make a report since I 'd obviously been attacked didn 't give a shit . I 'm homeless after all , therefore even in the hospital I 'm invisible . Dad would 've been furious . He always said that cops owe / everyone / their protection . Unfortunately these big city cops only protect the people that make them look good . No one cares about a grubby imitation boy . And they will be looking for me . Because it wasn 't just the masked men . There was a tall guy in a suit that only came out when I was passing out . I couldn 't see him very well , my vision was all blurry , but I 'd bet money that it 's the same guy I saw when I found Sam . I 've been delaying this post a lot , and for that , I apologize . I wish I could say I had some reason - trouble finding a hot spot or having to hide the laptop . There 's a million reasons that could explain away my absence , but they would all be lies , and the one thing I never want to do on this blog is lie . This blog is in his memory , and I don 't want to dishonor it with lies or excuses . The truth is , this blog is all I have left of Sam . Each story shares him with all of you , but also makes the loss more final . I know he 's gone . I was the one who found his body , though that 's a story for another post . I know that he is dead , and he 's never coming back . These stories are all I have , and as much as I want to share them , a part of me wants so badly to hold tight to them and to his memory and never speak of it again , to cling tight to all that is left of the man I loved so much . So today you get the story of his last night on earth . I think he knew , too . Though he wouldn 't tell me that , didn 't want to worry me . But he was quiet and scared and a lot huggier than usual , as we sat that night on the fire escape in the cold , sharing the warmth of the blanket we 'd managed to get . Doing so wasn 't exactly unusual - considering the lack of properly warm places we could go , oftentimes we would spend the entire night asleep together under a pile of blanket and newspapers and whatever else we could get to help . Last winter was mild , yes , but still potentially dangerous to a man alone outside all night . But he was fidgety and nervous , and eventually he turned to me , and because of how close we were huddled together our faces were inches apart , and he blushed and I swallowed hard and tried not to think too hard about it . " Lils , I 've been thinking a lot , lately . About . . . stuff . " He cleared his throat , then continued . " About what I 'd regret most , if they caught up to me right now . " I shook my head fiercely . " They won 't , they won 't , you 're safe , I won 't let them hurt you ! " If only . . . " Maybe . " He replied patiently , though it was obvious as always that he didn 't think I could help . " But that 's not the point . The point is , I 've been thinking , and if I were to die tonight , I know exactly what I 'd regret , and I want to fix it . " A faint smile lit up his face . Sam shook his head . " I am . But I 'm in love with you anyway . I don 't care what you are , I 'm completely in love with you and I have been for a while . " When we pulled apart , he was crying , so I held him close and kissed his temple , fear quickly overtaking the joy . " What 's wrong , Sam ? What 's going on ? " " It doesn 't matter . Not important . Just . Lys , you 're the best person I 've ever met , and I want you to promise me something . " He shifted to look me in the eye , his expression deadly serious . " After everything you 've been through , you 're still so good and kind and noble , and I 'm scared that if something were to happen that 'd change . So , promise me you 'll stay good . " " What could happen ? We 're together and safe . " It was denial , of course , but I 'd just gotten here and I didn 't want to entertain ever losing him . I attempted to find out what this was all about , but he wouldn 't say . We held each other for a while longer that night before Sam announced that he needed to do something and I couldn 't come with him . He told me to meet him in one of his usual sleeping spots , the next morning . He promised me that he 'd be there , safe and sound , and so I let him go . I refused to entertain the thought that I might not find him alive and whole , and so I let him go . I can 't sleep tonight . Fell asleep early , managed to get a spot on a roof of some office building with wifi . I 've been trying so hard to keep writing , to keep sharing the story , but now I 'm drawing to it 's close and all I can think of is his body , chopped into bits and stuffed in trash bags . . . It was the most horrific thing I 'd ever seen in my life . My guess is whoever did it was trying to dispose of the body and got scared away . . . But tonight I dreamt of Sam . Standing there on the roof , same as always , crying and hugging me and telling me how much he loves me and how much he misses me . It was beautiful and wonderful and everything I could 've wanted . Apparently I have followers now . I wasn 't expecting that , I kind of figured I 'd tell Sam 's story in silence . I mean , he definitely deserves to have people reading this . Poor guy deserves to have everyone in the world remember him . He was an amazing man . So , welcome , I suppose . Secondly , in the spirit of this post , I 'd like to draw all of your attention to this . Both because it 's important / and / because it 's a story that hits close to home for me - as you 're all about to find out . I actually went into a book store and dealt with the glares while I read the entire article - I was so shocked , and thrilled , and . . . Well , I guess I have a bit of a new hero . She 's got guts . The story I want to tell , as I said , is related to that . The next big landmark between us happened one night sitting around chatting on a rooftop , as had quickly become our habit . He always preferred being up high , and as I had no objection , that became our standard . For the life of me I can 't remember what we were talking about . Something random , probably pointless except for entertaining us for a little while . But we 'd ended up sitting close together and leaning in talking about it . . . and next thing I knew , we were kissing . It was cheesy , cliched , and so stereotypically Hollywood . Or at least it would 've been , if it weren 't two dirty , unkempt homeless ' men ' . The kiss was sweet and loving and so very , very eager on both sides . But I pulled away . Because I wasn 't being honest with him . I shook my head . " No , I wanted it . But . I 'm not quite what you think I am . . . " At Sam 's look of confusion , I continued . " I 'm not exactly a man . . . " " Sometimes , I am a man . Sometimes , I am a woman . But , biologically , I 'm female , and I know that 's not what you 're into . " It took him a minute to process . " So . What were you when we kissed ? A man , or a woman ? Because . That 's all that really matters . Biology 's not important . " After that , he offered to help me steal some clothes so that I could be a girl when we were alone and the mood struck me , but I knew it wasn 't safe . A woman on the street is at risk of a whole category of things that a man never has to worry about . That 's why I stay a man , these days . At least outwardly . I don 't have enough curves for anyone to be able to tell what 's underneath . When I saw him again , it was in this one little coffee shop that managed to survive in spite of the army of Starbucks and the like . It was known among the homeless folk for having donuts and kolaches for under a dollar - a pretty sweet deal for us . Even the worst busker could make that much in a day . Sam hadn 't figured out that much yet , he just knew they didn 't shoo him out for not ordering anything and they had free wifi and outlets for laptops . Which is why I ended up giving him half of my donut . Only food I had all day , but seeing the heartbroken way he eyed the thing - and how baggy his clothes were - I couldn 't hardly eat the whole thing in front of him . And the way his eyes lit up . . . I 'll never forget it as long as I live . I think even more than the donut itself he was so excited to have someone being nice to him . He always said he had problems making friends , even moreso than most of us . Probably because he was a little bit crazy , as he proved that day . We decided to go to the comic shop nearby . I 'd never been but apparently it was one of his favorite hangouts and I really liked the idea , it 'd been a while since I 'd done something just for fun like that . We got about halfway there before he got quiet and scared , staring off into the distance before apologizing and telling me he needed to head to a roof . Sam was so jittery and scared , and there was nothing there . But he was far more comfortable on the roof , so we went and spent a couple hours talking up there . We never would 've met if I weren 't a nosy little fucker sometimes . I 've lived in the City for years , I know all the gang signs , the taggers , the showoffs . Some people go to school to learn how to dissect ' fine ' art , but I 've got an unused degree and a desire to do anything to prevent mental stagnation , so I started doing the same with the graffiti . Call it a stupid hobby , but even a bum has to have something to do , right ? I don 't spend all my time busking or doing odd jobs any more than you do . So when I noticed a new sign showing up , over and over , in this certain shade of turquoise blue , and always on buildings with accessible roofs , I got curious . I mean sure , I 've seen it occasionally before , at random , always done by scared runaways , but this was / methodical / . Like hobo sign , which I 'm passingly familiar with , but one I 've never seen . So I started looking for whoever was doing it . Hard to find a good tagger , really , their work depends on secrecy , but the homeless around here keep their eyes open . People never think we see anything , we 're just part of the furniture . But we do . We see everything . So I heard about the sweet looking blond kid . One of us , in fact . Though he did have a laptop - no one was sure if it really ran . But the kid is pretty much only ever seen on rooftops , which isn 't a bad strategy for a homeless kid , the gangs don 't bother you up there unless you owe them something . From there , it was just finding the right rooftop . And there he was , with the laptop out , though he stashed it when I came through the door . I wish I could remember exactly what was said , but that was a year ago and my memory 's not that good . But I introduced myself , got his name , and asked about the tags . He got scared then , I remember that specifically . I think he thought I was a cop or something , there to arrest him for vandalism . Sam was so scared , so outrageously skittish . Very secretive , even after I 'd known him for as long as I did . Even after . . . well , that 's another story . As it turned out , they were X - Men symbols . He 'd been trying out tagging as an outlet , but he wasn 't actually any good , so that was about the best he could do . But it got us started talking - nerds of a feather and all . It 'd been a long time since I 'd had someone I could have a conversation about comics and the like with . It was nice . Don 't expect much from this blog . This isn 't something fancy , don 't expect grand stories or daring adventures . I 'm not here to deliver cutting commentary on the world or to share you useful advice on life . I 'm just here because my friend Sam died , and I love him , and if I don 't do something no one will even know he ever existed . That 's what happens when you 're homeless , after all , and being in no better state myself , all I can do is tell stories about him on the internet . I couldn 't afford to give him a burial or anything , couldn 't even get too close when they were looking into what happened for fear of being accused . No one really cares what happens to us , after all . At least the police care about doing their jobs . Sam really loved the blogs . His prized posession was this tiny beat to shit laptop that looks like it shouldn 't even run anymore , and he used that to write a blog I was never allowed to see . He always said he was a writer , and he was too embarrassed to let me see his stories . I 've inherited the laptop , so I suppose it 's really all I can do to tell his story to all of you . Or at least the bits I know . |
All I remember was going to bed . . . then I 'm standing in the forest . I 'd say it was around midnight , and . . . I was just standing in the clearing in my plain grey pajamas . I was also bear foot , standing in at least an inch of snow . I was freezing , and rubbed my arms in hopes I could get a little bit warmer . Seeing my breath clearly and the feeling of my feet going numb surly did not help . The forest was quiet for the most part . I could hear the faint sound of a car driving past on the road that was about a half a mile from where I was standing . Wanting to get back home , I started walking in the direction of car noise . Upon reaching the trees , I heard the crunch of snow . But it wasn 't from my footsteps . . . Squinting to see better through the trees , I saw some eye shine . . . From an animal . A wolf to be more precise . How did I know ? I heard it snarl and growl at me . On instinct , I backed up , hoping it wouldn 't come any closer . But to my luck , it did . In fact it jumped out at me . So I turned around quickly , stumbling forward a bit , and bolted . I wasn 't even half way through the clearing when I heard more wolves come and join the chase . My adrenaline kicked in , making me go faster and not care that I was freezing . A few times I could of sworn I saw a little girl in a black dress standing between the trees as I ran from the wolves . I turned in her direction and ran that way , but she was gone every time . The low growls and snarls were getting fainter . > Am I losing them ? < I thought , and glanced back and make sure . They were still after me . " AH ! " I yelled once I tripped over a tree root . My ankle hurt . Probably twisted it . I sat up as quickly as possible . The snarls and growls of the wolves were getting closer . . . and fast . As soon as I stood up , I felt the sting of claws digging into my back . Then things started fading away . I woke up wide eyed on my back . I was in my room again . The covers were tossed off the side of the bed , and I felt a cold draft of wind . It came from my open window . I sat up slowly , gripping onto my head . " Ugh . . . Feels like my head is going to burst any second . . . " I muttered . " I could of sworn I closed that thing . " I continued , referring to my window . I looked around my room and noticed my door was open as well . " I closed that too . . . " Sliding out of bed slowly , I made my way to the door which led to my living room and kitchen . I swayed on my feet , feeling off balance as I usually felt after a chase dream . The front door to my apartment was cracked open , as well as the balcony doors and window . I shivered , feeling the cold night air hit me from all directions . I cautiously took a look around my apartment , making sure no unwanted visitors were lurking about . There were none to be found . " I don 't like this . . . " I whispered to myself . > I wouldn 't just leave all this stuff open like this . What the hell happened ? . . . I 'll just close and lock every thing . . . then go back to bed . I have school tomorrow after all . < I thought . I closed the front door first , locking it with the chain and keys . Then moved onto the balcony doors , and the window in the living room . Once I was sure they were all locked up tight , I walked back to my room , stumbling over my own two feet . > God I 'm tired . . . < I thought as I lazily closed the last window , which was in my room . Shivering , I made my way to my bed , pulling my covers over me and glanced at the clock . " 3 AM . . . Only three hours left until I need to be getting ready for school . . . " I mumbled to myself before laying down and drifting off to sleep . I had finally been able to get a seat in my favorite place - - the courtyard of my high school . Morning had come and I found myself listening once again to the gossip of high school students that were around me . In my lap sat a book in which I had been deeply engrossed in during the evening before , but which interested me little with the possibility of finding out something about the students in which I called classmates . My black eyes were locked on the pages in front of me but my ears were wide open . " Did you hear that Laila and Darien are getting together ? ! " That was one of the louder girls that were talking not three feet from me . I put this tidbit away in my mind under the ' useless facts that someday may become useful ' . I was curious as to who this ' Laila ' and ' Darien ' were but I supposed that it didn 't really matter . Not when there was more important things to listen for and to think about . After all , my best friend Jo hadn 't shown up yet and I still had yet to figure out why she had , for lack of better terms , become me - - the quiet one that sometimes ran away from the rest of her friends . It just didn 't seem to make any sense . My brown hair fell in front of my face as I tried to figure this out while still collecting ' juicy ' pieces of gossip . I was glad that I had decided to wear a heavy jacket over my plain blue lock sleeved shirt that went with my lighter shade of blue jeans . I would never have been able to sit outside with these clothes if I hadn 't brought the jacket . After all , this was the only place one could truly hear what the others were saying without it being like a drone of noise like in the school building . Pushing my glasses up I looked around at the school courtyard , wondering if I 'd see my friend this morning or not . # 2 I sat in the courtyard with my group of friends . Were they really my friends ? I mean we hung out enough and we talked , but we never really hung out . Personally , I feel as if they are all a bit two faced , but they are someone to hang out with . After Shae exclaimed rather loudly who was dating who , I forced myself not to roll my eyes . Once I made that mistake , the consequences weren 't awful . It was chilly outside . My breathe formed clouds . The winter was a wonderful time . Perfect for cuddling . Soon enough I zoned out on the fog from my own breath . Sometimes their chat just got entirely boring . I was known to be loud and talk a lot , but I am nothing compared to Shae and her group . I never understood why they were so content always talking about what other people were doing . For me anyway , life is complicated enough without worrying about the goings on of everyone in school . Faintly I heard my name being called then it was being screamed . With a slightly annoyed look on my face I focused on Shae . " You never pay attention Renee . You 're here but like you aren 't , " She tossed her blonde her around as she spoke . That was the thing about Shae . She enjoyed flaunting her around . Just because she got " Best Hair " in middle school doesn 't mean she needs to carry on the title in high school . " I 'm not in the mood today , Shae , " I retorted and headed into the school . Last night had been rough . I saw another ghostly image . These images just started coming . They were completely unexplained and a part of me didn 't want it to be . If I was going to be a freak then I would suffer the status quietly . Everyone was out in the courtyard . That was something I never understood . It is absolutely freezing outside and people wanted to be in the courtyard . " They are all insane , " I murmured before turning my attention back to the textbook in front of me . Today was a big test in history , and I needed to pass the class . I can get everything else I want , but you can 't pay off teacher for grades . . . only if life worked like that . As soon as I began readCelest , The walk on my way to school was the best thing about school and I hadn 't even gotten there yet . I kept telling myself in my head , " Kyle , this is your senior year . Last one and you 're out for good . " That was enough for me as I trudged through the fallen leaves from the end of autumn and walking briskly towards the large building that loomed in front of me . I had just noticed that the weather was colder than normal , and yet , I wore no jacket . It wasn 't because I wanted to act bad ass ; I had simply forgotten to grab it . I finally arrived at the front gate of the school . To me , that was a celebratory step . That only meant I was closer and closer to leaving the place . Not bothering to look around me , I made my way over to the far wall of the courtyard , my usual spot , and leaned against it . Unfortunately , those bricks were cold and my first reaction was a hiss and to close my eyes . This was my fault , of course . I had almost began to leave the courtyard in anger until I heard the familiar barks of the girls . Girls . They were always screaming at the top of their lungs just because they want to be heard . I am used to it about now . This is my fourth year in this school and I know these males and females attitudes like the back of my hand . I had some bad experiences with both and I don 't want anymore to ruin this last year . This is my last year . The cold was starting to get to me and I shivered unconsciously , letting out a long and exasperated sigh . Hurry up bell , hurry up . walking up the steps to hell , i yawned and glanced at my phone . i was late , which wasn 't unusual for me . i sighed as i switched my backpack to my other shoulder . i opened the wide door hesitantly , reminding myself that i just have to scrape by this last year before I 'm free . free . i slipped silently into the crowd , everyone was going to their next class . i came in time for english . awesome . i winced at the white walls and white lights . The florescent lights bothered me . i wasn 't sure why , but the bright shine of them made everything to loud . the school reminded me of a hospital in a way , a psychiatric one for sure . people stared , though i was used to it . i did not dye my hair for attention , oh no , i dyed it simply because . . i could . my parents cannot control my life anymore and i knew it ticked them off when something is out of the ordinary . i would not let them ruin this year , i prefer to let my stupidity to do that for them . before school had began , i made a pact that i would find someone to room with , i needed to get out of the crappy one room apartment that I 'm in . taking a deep breath , i ignored all the rude comments and shoves and searched for my class . finding it , i hoped everyone will do the same as they did in previous years , ignore me . the bright lights started to bug my again . I woke up with a start , looking around my room . It felt like someone tapped on my arm earlier . I put my head in my hand . " I must be going insane . . . " I muttered to myself , shaking my head slowly . Turning to look at my clock , I sighed . First period started in ten minutes . There was no way I could make in time . Knowing I was going to be late anyway , I took my sweet time getting ready . My shower took around ten minutes , meaning class was starting once I got out . I dried off , not bothering to dry my hair and just brushed it out , and jogged the short distance from the bathroom to my bedroom . First slipped on my socks , underwear and bra , then my comfy gray skinny jeans . I simply grabbed a shirt from my closet , which turned out to be an orange and black striped long sleeve shirt . I decided to wear my boots today since my feet still felt freezing . They were simple really . Black with light brown fur on the inside and on the throat of the boot . After that I decided to hurry up a little , quickly getting on my tanish coat and buttoning it up , then grabbed my Christmas scarf . I wrapped the knit scarf around my neck as I walked out the front door of my appartment . Of course I grabbed my keys before leaving . After I was sure my door was locked , I started jogging . It was only a thirty minute walk to school from my apartment building . I figured if I ran and or jogged , I could get to school earlier . About five minutes passed of me just jogging on the sidewalk . It was freezing out here , and I felt stupid for not drying my hair . I broke into a fast run , not thinking about anything else . Just on running . Doing this helped me past the time , because , before I realized it , I was at the front doors to the school . Not having a good excuse as to why I was late , the staff in the front office gave me after school detention . That wasn 't so bad considering that it was only twenty minutes long during the winter . All the teachers wanted to go home like the rest of us . My first class was history . . . and ' luckily ' for me , we had a test . I glanced at the clock in the hallway as I made my way to class . Only ten minutes left . That wasn 't enough time to finish . I 'd have to make it up somehow . I sighed . " Just great . . . " I mumbled sarcastically , opening the door and taking my seat at the front of the class . The teacher didn 't seem to care I was late . He simply handed me the test and said " Do your best , Jo . " It was time for school . The first bell had rung , and I 'm sitting in art . I don 't know why I try to draw , because I can 't . I suppose I figured if I took a class I 'd be able to draw , but my teacher has encouraged me to quit . After three years of taking art I haven 't improved . The thought of being creative is nice and deep down everyone desires to be creative , but I 'm not . I really wish I could dance . It is sort of in the same category as art . My mom signed me up for dance lessons . It resulted in a broken ankle thanks to my awesome gracefulness . After that mom decided to stop trying to increase my skill in any of my interests . Several hobbies had gone by and each of them ended in some awful incident . Not quite sure what went wrong during each endeavor , but something did . Now , I have to draw my hand . Just my hand . How hard could that be ? After a few tries , I realized how hard it was . My fingers are all crooked , and my nails are too long . The knuckles look like I have arthritis , and wrinkles are everywhere . Who would have thought I was so bad at this ? I glanced around the room and saw all the beautiful hands of my classmates . Why couldn 't I be like them ? With a soft grown I crumbled the paper and decided to start new . History test time . With the pencil eraser clenched between my teeth I stared blankly at the paper in front of me . A few bubbles had been filled in on the scantron but somehow they managed to look wrong . I have a couple A 's bubbled sssooo let 's put a C . I put that thought into motion . The next question was easy and soon enough I was in the flow of test taking . I 've always had problems test taking . Even when I was young I would get a little anxious during the first few questions . The whispering of a class mate caught my attention . Looking over next to me was Jo . She was late again , and the teacher didn 't care . It wasn 't really my business , but I think poor timing means people are not responsible . I shouldn 't look down at this girl something must be wrong with her . She doesn 't seem to hang out with a ton and never talks , or she could be just plain weird . The teacher cleared his throat and looked at my pointedly . At that moment I realized I had been staring at Jo . Quickly I looked away because I didn 't want to be pegged for cheating . I couldn 't afford to be called a cheater , I need to get into a good college . # 8 Upon reaching the class that she was late for , Jezebel - as always - received a detention slip . crumpling the note in her hand , she strolled to her desk . Upon sitting down , she listened until she got bored , which was after a sentence or two . making a face , she ripped a sheet of paper out of her binder and began doodling . Humming , she continued to cover her page with little squirrels fighting . She let out a small giggle when she saw someone throw a paper airplane at the teacher . She received many dirty looks for that . nobody ever liked Jezebel , she was classified as a " freak " . she only was a freak because it bothered her parents , which was her favourite hobby . but now , she was out of the house , so she could always go back to her dark hair . it kind of stuck , she knew she would miss her bright hair so she delayed dying it back , saying she had to keep bugging her parents . The only friend she ever had was her rat , who 's name was Jeremiah . Jezebel hoped to get him a girlfriend once she got a decent job and apartment . yawning quietly , she attempted to pay attention but soon got distracted by the desk she was sitting in . It was old and vandalized , inappropriate words and pictures etched into it . using her pencil , she absentmindedly traced the picture of male genitals , bored out of her mind . She glanced at the clock , wishing to God that the time would pass quicker . The teacher droned on and on until finally , the bell rang . Giving the teacher a sly smile and a little wave , she hurried out of the classroom and slipped into the bathroom . she needed to change her pad before the next class . i can 't wait until i 'm out of this hell - hole . . . The test was brutal . . . well to me it was . . . I only knew around half of it , and I cursed myself in my head for not studying . I made it to question ten , skipping a few of them in between , before the bell rang . Even when sitting at the front of the class , closest to the door , it was hard for me to get up . The mob of people was too great , so I sat in my chair until they all cleared out . My best friend , Sybil , was waiting for me . I expected she wanted an answer as to why I was late . . . again . I always dodged her questions though , which I felt bad about . I really did want to tell her about my dreams - - well nightmares - - but I couldn 't bring myself to do it . The fear that she wouldn 't understand them stopped me every time . I gave her a weak smile before as I stood up . The teacher was waiting behind me for my test . I handed it to him and he said " You can finish it during lunch . " Then he took it from me and walked back to his desk . I sighed , then turned to look at Sybil . " Hey Syl . . . I 'm sure you 're wanting to know why I was late again . " I said as I walked up to her . " We can talk during seventh . I have to finish the test during lunch . . . " The nice thing about our classes was that we were in three together . History which was first period , Chemistry which was fifth , and Art which was seventh . We were spread out pretty far in the first two classes , but in Art the teacher set us right next to each other . We didn 't have that many people in the class , so we basically got a table all to ourselves since the other guy was absent most of the week . I then started walking out of the class , going slow at first so Sybil could walk with me . Our classes were next to each other this period , so we always walked together . The bell had rung and I had almost missed it . I was too engrossed with the way things were playing out on the courtyard that I hardly heard the melodious bell until it became annoying . Classes were about to start , meaning I had at least 4 hours in that hell hole until I was free to go to work . I laughed to myself when i walked into English . Free for work made no sense to most people , but to me it made perfect sense . Coffee was a lot more compelling than prepositional phrases , for sure . The students were already loud when I reached the room and that didn 't make me feel any better about knowing that I had to be in there for at least an hour . So , to avoid any confrontation , I sat next to Jezebel . I don 't think she noticed I was there but whatever . The last thing I wanted was conversation . School was a dangerous place ; people get hurt there and many even lose themselves . Trust me , I should know . Jezebel didn 't look like she meant any harm , but I wasn 't going to take any chances . I just wanted the teacher to start the lecture and get the class over with . I spent the rest of the period drawing on my desk . It was just a past time I enjoyed . At least it kept the time going . The drawing was of an eye . Now that I look back on it , what kind of eye was it ? Human ? Animal ? I looked down at the crude drawing and was quite surprised at myself . How did that picture get in my mind ? Of course , before I could attempt to answer myself , the bell rung . I sighed heavily and walked on to my next class . I watched my friend worriedly as she joined me and then told me that she 'd talk to me ( and hopefully explain her absence that morning ) during seventh period . No doubt she would say something of oh it was nothing , like she had the last several times she had been late . I knew the signs of when the girl didn 't want to talk about something . Shaking my head , I slipped out of the classroom after Jo , my grip on my books tight so as I wouldn 't lose them in the fighting waves of students . It was if it didn 't matter if we were going the same way , one had to push another because they were going too slow or too fast . I debated asking the girl if she wanted me to help her study next time we had a quiz but quickly stifled the offer . I had offered more times than I could count over the years . Reminding the girl once more wouldn 't help . " Just make sure you get to last period and aren 't late . I heard the art teacher has been in a right foul mood today . " I told her with a smile . I never had to tell Jo where I had heard things . I had proven over and over that I heard things that were said without meaning to . Now if only I could put that to good use in the future , then I 'd be all set . But I had no intention of going down any road that led me into danger , like my aunt and uncle suggested when I 'd shown them my skills at eavesdropping . Who would want to spy for all their days and work with secrets ? I sure didn 't - - whether it was to spite my relatives or because I didn 't like it . By this time we had made it to our classroom doors and I waved . " Good luck with the test during lunch , Jo . " I said before going into my classroom . The rest of the day , at least for me , drug on like someone had latched an anchor to it and was slowing it down that way . Even lunch seemed to take an especially long time to go by . Even though there was gossip galore around me in the lunch room and out int he hall where I stood reading my book after I was done eating , it seemed to take on an almost sour note , as if everything else was being turned bad because of the long time . With a deep sigh I moved off through the more or less quiet halls in search of some new way to entertain myself that didn 't involve listening to idiots gossip or reading a book . Eventually I found myself sitting out in the cold , watching as leaves slowly found their way from the tree branches to the ground . Despite the cold , I relaxed back on the bench until I laid sprawled across it , my eyes closing to give me the appearance of having fallen asleep . The bell rang and I was in the crowded halls . A strange face caught my eyes . A pale face with big blue eyes looked at me . Something about the overall atmosphere was weird . It was the face of a child but the spirit of an adult . The child made a motion towards me . I shook my head thinking that maybe I was just daydreaming , but the figure was still there . " This can 't be happening , " I said to myself in front of everyone . Deciding to ignore the figure I kept walking until there was a tug on my hoodie . I turned and there the child was . Quickly , I pushed through the crowd and stumbled into the courtyard . The cool wind hit me , and I couldn 't help but shive . The child was still there , looking out the window . I blinked then she was gone . I needed to check and see if anyone saw . There was several people in the courtyard . One girl she recognized , but she appeared to be asleep . I walked over there anyway " Hi , " I said softly just wanting someone to talk to me . I needed to feel normal . That test was intense . I was about to skip the rest of the day , but I couldn 't be absent from art anymore . Drawing was fun , but it was a bit boring at times . We are still working on out hands . I 've decided that my hands are ugly and shouldn 't be reproduced . Plus , I sat a table with two other girls who were already friends . I 've been a major jerk to them a couple times . Maybe today I should make it up to them ? The art teacher was in a bad mood ? Heh . . . Syl always had that kind of helpful information stored away in her mind for later use . I 'm sure she tossed out the ones that are no longer needed as well . My thoughts wandered to the test . If I bombed this one , then I 'd most likely be given plenty of make up quizzes to get my grade up . I have a D in the class , and everyone knows once you get an F , the teacher makes you do extra credit to get the grade up . He always said " No one will fail this class . " And usually looked at me when he said it . The next few classes went by surprisingly fast for me . I think I may have slept through some of them though . Then lunch came . . . and I made my way back to the history classroom to finish my test up . Once I saw the questions again , I regretted not taking Syl 's help . I decided then to start taking up her offers for help on studying . Well , I answered all the questions I did know , then went back over it and guessed on all the rest . I simply took the best looking answer and colored in that bubble on the scan tron sheet . I quickly handed in the test and went for the cafeteria . I haven 't even had breakfast and I was starving . The only thing left in the lunch line was a few strawberry Uncrustables . It was better than nothing , so I took that and a carton of white milk . I slowly opened my eyes . Had someone said something ? Blinking up at the girl that stood there , I tried to figure out why anyone would be talking to me much less be out in the cold . pushing myself up into a sitting position , I turned to look at her full on with a tilt of my head . Uncertainly I raised a hand in greeting . " Hi , can I help you with something ? " I said , wondering just what I was doing talking to someone who was a member of ' that ' crowd - - he one that I got most of my information through just listening . I heard a little ways off the sound of a bell going off and shifted uncomfortably . I didn 't have to go running in . I had study hall this period with a teacher that was hardly ever there . If i was a bit late because I was talking to another student , it wouldn 't matter . And the study hall was a joke anyway . I looked around and tried to find the group that I expected to be near this girl that had spoken to me . I was curious as to if Jo had done her test and gotten a good idea , but that would come after I 'd spoken to this young woman I suppose . I pulled my jacket tighter around me as the wind picked up a little . " I . . uh . . hmmm . " I fiddled with the cuff of my hoodie and looked away . This was awkward . My attempt at feeling normal just left because talking to someone you 've barely ever spoken to is far from normal . Be smooth . I took a deep breathe then continued , " I just have seen you around and wanted to say hi . " Pursing my lips I just kinda nodded . Yeah . . that was smooth . If there was any moment that would be a perfect ' Saved by the Bell ' moment , it would be now . I rocked back on my heels and looked at the ground . " I 'm sorry this is real . . awkward . . . " I gave the girl an apologetic look and sighed with relief when the bell rang . Looking over my should I then pointed toward the building . " Well . . . that was the bell . . I should get to English . . " With a weird little two finger wave , I was gone . Could that have gotten any worse ? I twirled a strand of hair around my finger and shook my head . Never would I ever do something like that again . # 16 The bell rang as I finished up my lunch . Sighing , I walked to my next class . It was German , a class I wasn 't very fond of . Everyone needs at least two years of a language class . It was either German or Spanish , and German seemed like cooler thing at the time . I went into the class and took my seat , which was at the front yet again . It 's like all my teachers are concerned about me now and put me in the front of the class . All I had to do was get through sixth period , and I could go to Art . I hadn 't talked with Syl since first period , and wanted to see her again . I didn 't pay attention to the teacher 's lecture at all . She tapped my shoulder a few times and snapped me back to the class . I just ignored her and went back to thinking about what I would say to Syl this time . I really , really wanted to tell her . To get some of this pressure off of me . Once the bell rang to go to seventh , I nearly jumped out of my seat . I walked so fast to Art that I was the first one there for once . The art teacher was surprised as well , and it clearly showed on her face . " Good morning Jo . " She said , and I mumbled a " Mornin ' " back at her . I walked over to my seat as some others were coming into the class as well . Mine and Syl 's table was near the back of the room , the furthest from the door . We didn 't care because we got to sit next to each other and not the preppy people at the other tables . I waited patiently in my seat , watching the door . My wait for Syl to arrive seemed endless , and I started tapping my foot impatiently , hoping she didn 't go home early because she was sick or something . I made my way to a water fountain , quietly weaving through the impatient crowd . i stumbled my way to the water source and quickly took a long sip while holding my long hair away from the running water . The water was ice cold . too cold for me , i pulled away from the fountain and continued to my next class , french . keeping my gaze towards everyone 's shoes , i slipped into the class and into the farthest desk away from the door . I began to count the seconds until the teacher was there . i got to twelve - hundred before the teacher showed up . He looked annoyed , tired , and happy all at once , if that is possible . i diverted my eyes to the door as the few stragglers snuck in but made sure not to make eye contact . i didn 't need any more trouble than i already had . i was surprised when the teacher called me to front , in french of course . " huh ? " i mumbled . receiving a few snickers throughout the classroom . he sighed , clearly annoyed and stated , " you may begin your presentation . " oh shit . i had no idea that we had a presentation , usually , i would throw something pointless together , it would usually give me barely a passing grade . anger suddenly coursed through me . who are you to tell me what to do ? i didn 't realize i had said that aloud until i saw the students surprised faces . the teachers face turned beet red as i , embarrassed and angry , stood up and walked out of the classroom . i increased my speed to a run and slipped into the bathroom . i slumped against the wall and muttered to myself . " you are such a fuck - up , Jezebel . " I rose from my seat on the bench and stared after the girl that had spoken to me , confusion spilling onto my expression . I wouldn 't have minded talking to her . it would have given me another chance to get more information for the day , but before I knew it she was already gone with the bell . Belatedly I raised my hand in a wave before letting it fall back down to my side . Sighing , I looked up at the sky and moved off to study hall . It seemed to go quickly enough and soon i found myself walking towards the art room . i had paused to get something out of my locker and had been stopped by another student in my class so I was running a bit late to get there . Just as the bell rang I slipped into the art room with a deep sigh . The art teacher gave me a disapproving and yet shocked look as I moved around the classroom to sit next to Jo . " Sorry I 'm late . Another person needed help with the homework for the history class and couldn 't wait until after school it seemed . " I said as I looked down at my art pad to have the appearance of working . Even if we were allowed to talk during the class , the teacher looked down on it , and this day I didn 't think it would be a good idea to push the envelope . " Are you feeling all right though ? You 've been late a lot recently . " With a groan I sat at the table with the two girls . I 've never shown up for art on time and today seemed like a good day start . I pulled my pad out and stared at it . There were some stray lines here and there . Nothing else . My creativity reservoir is on empty , and I haven 't been able to fill it back up . The teacher blames it on the fact that I am always gone and no one can rub their creative juices on me . Personally , I find that a nasty analogy . " What are you guys drawing ? " I ask softly and look over at the two girls . Since I came to class I should at least talk . Maybe I will even try to turn over a new leaf today ? A new and improved me . Though . . I don 't blame them if they never talk to me . I have been a jerk sometimes . Hopefully they have forgiven me . I 've never tried to ask for forgiveness . It never really bothered me if someone liked me or not . I just lived my life and got what I wanted . Some say I 'm spoiled . I 'm starting to agree . Iwaku is a roleplay community . We don 't just write stories - we live them ! Roleplaying is stepping in to the life of a character and experiencing what they experience . Here on Iwaku , we 're all about giving you the freedom to write anything you want while providing a safe and friendly community to do it in . Our site contains forum roleplay , chat roleplay , group roleplay , private roleplay , as well as other methods for living your stories . We are a community ran by REAL PEOPLE ! We are not a corporation or a company . Our server , domain , and software licenses are privately owned and paid for 100 % out of our own pockets . 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A blog to talk about quilting and raising a daughter , which I do in equal measure . I 'll also talk a little about gardening , a little about cooking , and share a few pleasant memories . Hope you enjoy it . He couldn 't have been more different than me in high school . He was outgoing and popular . We went to the same school and the same church , attended the same youth camps and revivals . He came with friends . I don 't think I ever met his parents . My family was at the church every time they unlocked the doors . So much so that they finally just gave my Dad a key . He was in the theater group and on the year book staff . He had a shock of white in the back of his otherwise dark hair about the diameter of a quarter . No dye would stick to it and he couldn 't cut his hair to hide it . It made him different and easy to recognize from the back in the school hallways . Being his friend made me feel more popular , even though I really never fit in with the popular crowd I so wanted to be a part of . After graduation , my church attendance gradually dwindled . I think he went away to college , so I wouldn 't have seen him there anyway . He became a lawyer . I became a homosexual . And while those two things don 't seem to be related , they did shape our lives and the men we would become . He 's married and has two grown kids . I 'm not allowed to marry , despite our wedding rings , and have one growing kid . We worked an awards ceremony together in our senior year . He was on the stage , doing a hilarious show . So confident . So funny . I was in the orchestra , running the sound system . He kept swinging the microphone by the cord ( yes , microphones used to have cords ) and causing it to short out . I kept handing him new mics and he kept swinging the mics and they kept going out . Don 't remember how often it happened . Maybe once or twice , but I remember it like the scene from Father of the Bride when Spencer Tracy 's pants stuck to the floor . I felt bad about it until later that night when my Dad explained that it was his fault because he kept swinging them around like a fan blade in front of his face . All part of his act , but too much for the old sound system that my typing teacher had borrowed . I didn 't hear from him for 30 years . Had forgotten about him . Like evePosted by I 'm enjoying a time of great personal good luck . It happens some times . It 's not that my luck is ever really bad . Stuff happens , but I 've found , at least for me , bad luck is more a matter of how I look at stuff . For example , I 've learned , when " bad luck " happens to ask a couple of questions , like " Did I bring this on myself ? " Usually , if the answer to that one is yes , it 's because I 've procrastinated about something and let it turn into a crisis . Like the time I missed paying the electric bill and then wasn 't really in the mood to open the mail when the 1st cutoff notice came , so I didn 't start making calls and arrangements until the day before they were supposed to cut the power . Boy , that was a close one . But , no one to blame but me . Another question I ask is " Is this something that happens to everyone ? " I mean , it 's not bad luck when someone dies ( although the deceased may disagree ) . It actually happens to everyone and everything . So , no need to feel unlucky because I need to attend a funeral . So , by the time I 've discounted my " bad luck " as either something I caused or something that just happens during the natural course of a life well lived , there 's not much left to go into the bad luck category . Good luck , on the other hand , is abundant in my life . Like yesterday afternoon when the man called to tell me that there was nothing wrong with my car , except that someone ( a mechanic that has lost a customer and shall go nameless ( this was just the latest in his list of mistakes ) ) had overfilled the transmission and it had " burped " out the extra fluid in the driveway . And , luckier still , they didn 't charge me anything for checking it out . All I had to do was get back there to get the car ( and I still need to clean up the fluid spill . this may be a good time to have a 12 year old ) . And , my company was having access problems and I couldn 't interface to work from home , so I had a " free " day to kill any way I wanted to . Double good luck . And , while I was on my 3 mile walk home from the transmission shop , I walked past aPosted by Or maybe I should more appropriately say , a lotta steps back . I did get two quilts basted this weekend . This one is in the frame for some hand quilting , which I 'm enjoying very much . I took it outside , frame and all yesterday and quilted for a couple of hours in the swing , enjoying the breeze . And , this one , I knocked out last night . It 's all pin basted and ready to start machine quilting . And , last night , when we left the house for dinner , we saw a large puddle of red transmission fluid under my car . A very large puddle . So , I 'm out to look at that . I 'm really hoping I don 't have to have it towed to the shop . Grrr . Either way , I guess I 'll be working from home tomorrow and walking back and forth to the shop . Good thing it 's only a couple miles away . Lane Okay , so I 'm just back from the doctor 's office for my regular checkup . It was all good news , so continued existence remains an imminent possibility ( my sarcastic way of saying all is well ) . And , a good thing because I still have too many UFO 's . I know Rob was really excited because he doesn 't want to be a single parent . So there 's two good reasons to keep slogging on . Here are some yard shots . But , they aren 't very good . The flower bed is beautiful , but hard to catch all the detail in a picture . You just have to see it . Let us know what time you 'll get here and we 'll have coffee and cake ready . Right now , the beds are full of tall pink phlox . They love it here and don 't mind the clay or the heat . They 'll bloom most of a month and then receded and other things will kick in . I do like a lot of variety in my beds . And , this weekend , I need to start moving some things around . Not everything is happy in its current spot . This is along the edge of the daylily bed . Looks sad this time of year , but it will perk back up in a few weeks . And , this is along the other side . You can see my sitting area in the corner . 2nd favorite spot ! Most favorite is the swing that I can sit in and look at the beds from the outside . I 'll try to take some better pictures this weekend and show some of the best spots . Okay , so I 've been working on the Indian Orange Peel quilt . And , I am sooo frustrated . I 'm on the third border side . At this point , it 's time to set it aside for the weekend . I just want to get all those curves together . I 'm having so much trouble getting points to match . I just need to continue to plug my way through it and stop worrying about it being perfect . In this case , done is going to be much better than perfect . And the thing that 's frustrating me most is all that paper . It is so in the way as I try to go around this curve and then that one and back again . Grrrr . My plan is to baste two finished tops this weekend so I can work on something else for a while . I want to get one ready for machine quilting and one for hand . I have Posted by I didn 't publish my original post . I 'm so glad I didn 't . It was all politics and one thing I 've learned is to never discuss religion or politics with my friends . That 's how we can all stay friends . So , with that topic off the table , I 'm looking around for a topic that would be just as rousing , just as exciting , just as open for comment and opinion . And , I 'm finding nothing . I 'm sickened by what 's going on in the Gulf of Mexico . I can say that without being political . I 'm sick of war and infighting and mean people and murders . I 'm bored with people being rude to one another . Sick of watching them zip through traffic with absolute disregard to the safety of others . Disgusted by those that would harm children or the elderly or animals or anybody else that can 't defend themselves . And , I 'm trying to turn my thoughts to more pleasant things . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - I want to think about what wonderful things are happening to Betty White . Can you believe the success she 's having ? I want to think about yellow cake with white icing and toasted coconut . And , sweet custard chocolate pie with meringue . I want to think about beautiful fabrics and how they can be combined into lovely works of quilt art . I want to think about the potential for my daughter to be president . . . or at least a really successful dentist . I want to think about new cars and new car smells and roadtrips to exotic and wonderful places . I want new carpet . I want new clothes . I want more time to do the things that are important to me . I want to make home made icecream with fresh peaches . I want to eat more vegetarian meals . I want it to be cool enough to leave the windows open for the breeze , and I want to reupholster my wing back chair . I want everyone to be happy . Somebody send me the magic lamp . I think I 'm ready to make my three wishes now . Lane This is the first ' mess ' of green beans and the only onion from our little garden . All my life , I heard people say , " pick us a ' mess ' of . . . " , or " y ' all come for supper ' cause we 're cooking a ' mess ' of . . . " . I always wondered what a ' mess ' was . How much . What quantity . Because the way my Grandmother cooked , it was a half a hand full of something to a ' mess ' of something else . So , I asked my Grandmother one day . And , she said a ' mess ' is always " just enough for supper " . So , a mess is just enough . As is evidenced by my fabric stash , my sewing room , my closet , and pantry . But , I digress . What 's really on my mind today is the shooting pain down my left leg , from hip to ankle . Clearly , in the case of my wallet , a ' mess ' is not " just enough " . It 's too much . Rob accidentally washed my wallet a couple weeks ago . He found it before it went into the dryer . He carefully emptied it and propped it open and let it dry . But , despite being saved from the dryer , my wallet clearly shrunk . Now , it 's thicker and I 'm going to have to empty it . I don 't know how my Dad did it . My Dad 's wallet was more of a filing cabinet . If my Mom asked for a receipt , or a blank check , cash , a credit card , the car registration , or proof of insurance , his hunting license , or the paperwork from the last set of tires they bought , the business card for the pest control guy , the measurements for the new kitchen countertops , or any of a hundred other things , out came the wallet and from it would be produced a pristinely folded and pressed small square of paper , which when unfolded would reveal itself to be the requested document . It was amazing . And , I 'm convinced just a little magical . As I remember it , that wallet was over an inch thick . I don 't know how he sat down on it . But , he did . His wallet went everywhere . It went to the lake , to church , and it was there when we did yard work . He could sit on it all day in an uncomfortable plastic boat seat . It was , and as far as I know still is his constant companion . I know that wallets came and went over the years , Lane Okay , I know all you Mom 's out there just cringed . How can that mean , cruel man speak of his darling , precious little girl the same as a dog . I 'm not saying that . Not thinking of them the same at all , except that when we got them both , neither one was housebroke . Neither one understood the word " no " . Neither one knew any commands . I 'm just saying there have been similarities between them . Just sayin ' . Not saying they 're exactly alike . Exactly . I was thinking of all this at 6am when I was walking the dog . Sydney tried to break her to the leash . And , she had no success . Then , the puppy pulled the leash out of Sydney 's ( undoubtedly limp ) hand , trying to rush her back home , and ran out in front of a car . And , Sydney hasn 't tried to walk her since . But , we can 't take the dog anywhere until we teach her about the leash . And , we can 't teach her about the leash until we take her somewhere . So , I decided to take her on my morning walks around the neighborhood . The neighbor saw us starting off that first day and wasted no time telling me that I would never teach that dog to walk . And , for about 20 minutes , I wondered if she was right . So , how did I teach her to walk on the leash ? The same way we taught Sydney to live with us . First , we started out spoiling them . Low expectations . And , both lived down to them . Then , we inflicted an iron rule on them both . Rules . Commands . Okay , so one has learned " go wash the dishes " and the other has learned " heel " , but they 're both commands . With the puppy , I held the leash clinched in my fist and showed her what I wanted her to do , occasionally lifting her off the ground by her underchest harness until she got the hang of it . With Sydney , it was consequences , like having to rewash the same set of dirty dishes over and over until she finally understood that clean meant squeaky , not greasy . Then , there were rewards . Okay , so it 's more expensive to give a pre - teen girl treats than it is to push a piece of kibble under a dog 's nose , but treats work the same way for both : 1 ) you do what I wantPosted by Ya ' know , some of the best days are when the least happens . At least for us . When Rob and I talk on the phone in the mornings about what happened between the time he left for work and the time I dropped Sydney at wherever she 's going for the day , the best report I can give is that nothing happened . And , we enjoyed a similar experience yesterday . There was the exchanging of cards , me to Rob , Rob to me , Sydney to both of us ( double fathers makes for several interesting exchanges per year ) . Then , there was puttering around the house and then the shopping and then we went to the movies to see Robin Hood ( very good movie ( i even managed to stay awake through the whole thing ) ) . Chores in the afternoon and then steaks and baked potatoes and salad for supper ( the perfect manly meal ) . A happy Father 's day call to my Dad . And , just when we were getting tired of the sound of one another 's voices , the weekend was over . The perfect nothing happened weekend . Perfect to celebrate Father 's day . No arguing , no unpleasantness . Peace reigned supreme . I did manage to get out in the yard for some pictures . I don 't know what this daylily is . It bloomed at the end of a scape of double ditch orange daylilies and as you can see , it 's not double . Genetics are a funny thing , huh ? This one is one of Rob 's favorites and you can see why . It 's called Highland Lord . This is a triple ditch orange . See all those petals ? There are 18 , three layers of six petals each . And , very orange , even though the picture looks yellow . I think these are called ditch because they 're so common . As I understand it , triple orange is the dominant genetic form of daylily and if allowed to cross with any other , will produce a triple orange seed . I try to pull the seeds so I don 't get any more and instead rely on division to spread them . And , we 're not sure what this is and I 'm hoping my Mom can fill it in . We have two of them and we think they 're either Charlene 's patio or Yabba - Dabba - Doo . They are scarlet red and you can see how lovely . And , they 're prolific bloomers thiPosted by You might feel let down today and your first inclination is to fill in the emptiness with additional excitement . However , further analysis reveals that you may need peace and quiet at this time instead of more noise . Unfortunately , you won 't likely get what you expect now . . . ( Rick Levine ) Criminy , what does that mean ? Okay , so I don 't put too much stock into my horoscope , but it is fun to take what they write and try to make it fit into my day . And , this one seems more applicable than usual today . I 've been talking to Rob about being an " excitement junkie " . I miss the stress of homework . I miss those huge projects I 've been working on for the last year and a half . I miss the excitement of starting a new quilt pattern . I love the excitement of finding a special bargain on ebay . In fact , I 've been using the excitement of the bargain to supplement the lack of excitement at work , much to the excitement of mastercard . It 's weird . Missing the stress when I hate to be stressed out so much . Missing the deadlines . Missing the travel . But , it 's a good time for all that to be over . I 'm finding that the heat just takes everything out of me nowadays . So , it 's a good time to just sit back and relax . Walk in the garden , take it easy on the weekends . I 'll get over Jones - ing for excitement soon enough . I 'll get my job Mojo back . And , I 'll stop Bogarting all the ebay bargains . And , hey . My horoscope said I wouldn 't likely get what I EXPECTED . It didn 't say I wouldn 't enjoy it . Take care and have a great Friday . It 's the weekend and I 'm piecing Indian Orange Peel borders . Again . Second time better be the charm cuz those puppies are a pain in the arse . Lane I never knew the old man 's name . I called his dog Me Too because the old man held a sign that said " Homeless . Hungry . Anything helps . " and around the dog 's neck , you 'd often see a sign that said " me too " . He stood on the same corner every day , he and his dog and his sign and his backpack and a large jug of water . He always had a smile . After he got to know us , he always had a joke for Sydney - " Did you hear about the cat that ate the ball of yarn ? She had mittens " . He told that joke more than once . And God bless her , Sydney laughed every time . I 'd pull up to the stoplight and he 'd wander over to the car and we 'd shake and chat for a few minutes . If I had money , he had money . And , so did Me Too . I found him sick one day , barely able to stand up in the heat . He was with a group at the time . I went home , and packed a huge bowl of cold pasta salad with chicken in it , an extra large juice bottle of ice water , and a can of dog food and Sydney and I took it back to them . And , I made my own family wait to get their supper that night . Often , Rob will go buy a short stack of Wal - Mart gift cards and hand them out to the homeless . When he gave one to the old man , we found out that his camp had just been raided and the police had taken a box cutter to his tent , so the old man and Me Too were sleeping cuddled up under a tree . The gift card was enough to buy a tent . And , he was so appreciative , I thought he was going to cry . One day , when I pulled up and we were chatting , he explained that he 'd be gone for a month or so . He had prostate cancer and was going into the VA hospital . A veterinarian around the corner had agreed to board Me Too . About 5 days later , he was back on his corner . There was nothing the doctors could do . A few weeks later , he stopped being regular on his corner . He was there sometimes , and at other times , it would be someone else from his group . Then , I didn 't see him again . Then , I saw Me Too walking with somebody else . Someone once told me not to give money to " beggars " . They were only going to spend it on beerPosted by I don 't ever remember having scout dinners as a boy scout . But , my Mom surely made many of them . They 're simple and I think they 're healthy . Well , not to sure about cooking on aluminum foil , but I don 't do it often , so it will have to be okay . First , take a big piece of foil . Add sliced potatoes . Sliced cabbage . Sliced onion , salt and pepper . Add a ground beef patty seasoned with salt and pepper and Worcestershire sauce . Seal it up and cut a vent in the top . Bake it in the oven or cook on the grill at 350 * for 40 - 45 minutes . They 're great , unless you don 't like cabbage . I mean get real . How can you not like cabbage . We 're going through green vegetables fast and I can 't find one she really likes except green beans . So , I feed her lots of Broccoli because I like it . And , she makes this same face when I make her eat it . It 's a win - win for me . Jeez . She 's so twelve - and - a - half . You can 't see it here , but she 's graduated to colored nail polish on her fingers ( she 's always been able to pick any color for her toes ) . Nothing wild , but more grown up than little girl pink . Hopefully , she 'll learn to " color within the lines " this summer . Take care and have a great Tuesday . Lane Posted by I had the best time redoing these tables over the weekend . These are a pair of early American maple end tables that my Mom bought in about 1976 . They were perfect with the LR furniture she got that year . And , they were basically in use in her house until the late 90 's when they came to me , first one and then the other . We 've been using them as bedside tables since . And , they had seen all the better days they were going to see as early American maple end tables . They are veneer , so not worth refinishing , but they were too cute to discard . And , they hold a lot of family history . I 've been painting furniture lately and walked out of the bathroom the other day and saw the poor table on my side of the bed and I had an idea . I thought about it for a while and then talked to Rob about it and he said okay , but reminded me that he ultimately wants to build us new tables to replace these . I couldn 't wait . So , a trip to home depot and a few hours in the garage and here they are , on their way to a more life as bedside tables . I am enjoying them very much and they still catch my eye when I go around the corner and see them . Before , they just disappeared . Now , they make a statement against the red bedroom walls . Y ' all take care and have a great Monday . I got lots done over the weekend , so more photos coming soon . But , I 'm so far behind reading blogs . I 'll catch up as I can . Lane That 's exactly what this poor tired bed on the dark side of our house needed . This bed runs up the north side of the house , around the outside air conditioning unit and then around the corner and ends at the garage door . I thought the aspidistra was dying on the front because that faces west and it gets a lot of sun . The plants looked sad and brown . But , when I cut the dead out of the bed and moved a little bit from where I didn 't want it to where I did , and got a few years of oak leaves out of it , the bed looked pretty good . Unfortunately , it was a mosquitoe hotel and when I stirred it up , they all went through the open garage door and into the house . The three of us spent all of Saturday night swatting and slapping and scratching . We were smarter on Sunday when we planted the white impatiens and red begonias around the edge . First , we didn 't disturb the aspidistra and second , we left the garage door down . But , even with that , the mosquitoes tried to carry us off , one drop at a time . These pictures are from the back garden . First , to the right . The gate you see is the same as what you saw in the previous picture , upper left corner , from the inside . Still , not much color , but things are getting ready to bloom and fill this area in . And , this is to the left . You can see the tall pink phlox just getting started . I have those all over and they will bloom for a large part of the summer . The daylily show is changing from the common orange and yellow to the specialty daylilies that are left , so there should be a good bit more show . Here is a pink one that bloomed next to my glider . When the sun is shining , I love to sit out here . The mosquitoes don 't bother me so much in the sunshine . And , just talking about those skeeters has got me itching all over . I did finish the feather quilting project . Got the last stitches on the border Saturday night and never got around to washing and blocking yesterday . Too many other things going on , I guess . And , I was working with chemicals and the last thing I want to do is get anything Posted by The sound of the Friday clock . Slowly the second hand passes the 12And every second seems like more . . . . . . heck . Ha ! You thought I was going to use a bad word , didn 't you . No , not today . I 've already been admonished today for saying ass . As in " what a dumbass " when the decorator painted the people 's house purple on HGTV this morning . They didn 't like it . I didn 't like it . Sydney ? She liked it . I 'm just waiting for the day to be over . I have plenty of stuff to keep me busy and hopefully , at least some of it will be mentally stimulating . All these weeks I 've been waiting for my boss 's presentation to be over so we could rest for a few days and now we 've done everything we can . The rest is up to him . So now I can finally take a half hour and clear off my desk . Do a little filing . And , a little dusting . It 's way past time . On a side note , I have finally broken all ties to Martha Stewart . Yesterday , I sold her stock . . . stock that I lost my shirt on . Thank goodness I didn 't let her lose very much of my money . Who knew that she 'd come out of jail worse than when she went in ? ? ? Isn 't pennance supposed to make people better ? I mean , she changed her format to the one thing she can 't do . She tried to run a talk show . And , she CAN ' T TALK TO PEOPLE ! I held that stock for years , hoping that it would go up . Thinking that I couldn 't afford to sell it . But , yesterday , I cut my losses . And , what did I buy ? I bought into a company that makes parts for those huge windmills for windfarms . That 's much more in line with my priorities today . So , farewell Martha . Here 's your ring back . The engagement is over . You should have seen it coming when I recycled 5 years worth of back issues of Living . Oh , and take my feedback . You did better talking at people than you ever will talking to them . Stick with what you know , girl ! Love , Lanep . s . if Martha leaves feedback like Emilie did , I 'm gonna just die . Sink right into the ground like that building in Guatamala . Well , it is the first day of summer vacation for the kid . I thought I 'd try to make it special and take her to breakfast before dropping her at summer camp . It 's too early for summer camp and there was nothing on the plan for today and I thought breakfast would be a nice little bit of the day when she wouldn 't be bored with the little kids and when we could spend a little extra time together . My vision : I 'd let her sleep late and she 'd get up singing happy songs about how school was out . We 'd get ready for our days , pack our lunches , head out to a restaurant where a waiter would take my order for a nice healthy breakfast that included eggs , biscuits and fruit . Then , we 'd head back to the house , pick up our lunches and go do our separate things . What happened : I let her sleep late and got 5 " 3 " of attitude , huge hair , and grumpiness , followed by complaining about what she had picked to take for lunches this week . At this point , she 'd been up for 50 minutes and I 'd spent 25 minutes of that walking by myself and another 20 showering and getting ready , and those other 5 minutes were about all the father / daughter time I thought I could handle . So , I stepped her back and gave her another 5 to adjust her attitute . After that , it was all sherry and giggles as we did my morning garden walk and finished getting ready . She picked a burger place for breakfast and rushed me through the whole thing . " Hurry , hurry , hurry , I want to get to camp and see Shelley ( the camp counselor ) " . " Stop singing . You don 't know how . " " Don 't dance . You don 't know how . " She 's so lucky . She has no idea how few parents are actually happy enough to sing and dance . Even if they don 't know how . One day she 's going to remember that it wasn 't all fighting about homework and chores . On a side note , I 'm going to have to be careful what I blog about . After my post yesterday about the sudden summer storm , we had a gulleywasher yesterday evening . There were even some blown down trees in the ' hood . Thunder , lightening , the cap blew off our chimney . No serious dPosted by Once I was young . A very long time ago . And , I decided I wanted to go fishing . Now , I 've never really gotten the whole hunting and fishing thing . I 'm sure that in part , that 's because meat comes from the supermarket . I don 't really want to be involved in the killing of it . Never did . But , my Dad loved to hunt and fish . I can remember that he would leave before dawn and stay out most of the day . When we had a travel trailer , we kept it at the lake like a summer cabin . We could go out for the weekend and my Dad could fish until his heart was content . Now , as far as a hunter goes , I don 't remember my Dad killing much . I think he was into it for the outdoors and if it had been socially acceptable , would probably have hunted with a camera instead of a gun . But , as a fisherman , he almost always came in with a big haul . I wanted to be more like my Dad when I was a teen . But , we were so different . I 'd rather be inside . I preferred the air conditioning or the heating , or better yet , a big roaring fire . I 'd rather stay in with my Mom and my Aunt Seal ( Lucille ) and make Christmas ornaments . But , on this particular weekday , I decided to go fishing . I must have been 16 or 17 and was a new driver . I borrowed the Suburban and the flat bottomed aluminum boat and off I went . I cannot tell you how I got that boat trailer in the water to get the boat off of it . I can 't back up a trailer to save my life . But , somehow , I did get the boat in the water . I remember paddling around the lake with my rod , casting and catching nothing . I didn 't mind that I wasn 't catching anything . I was paddling along the edge of the lake and enjoying the scenery . I remember watching a snake swim by . It was fascinating to watch that whipping back and forth and moving so fast through the water , head up . And , paying much less attention to me than I was to it . I paddled around for a few hours . Occassionally tying up to a tree , but mostly just floating along . Enjoying the peace , the quiet , and the sunshine . Birds chirping . Occassionally a fish breaking the watPosted by Okay , yesterday started out just fantastic for me . You guys know that Rob and I are trying to spend more time together , focused on one another . And , we achieved what was for me the pinnacle yesterday morning . I took some fingerwork and he took the laptop and we went out to the greenhouse and watched the sun come up . I sewed , he played music for me and web searched . And , we were just together . Us and the sun and the birds starting to sing . Nothing to distract us from chatting about nothing in particular . It was truly intimate time . After that , it was gardening and lawn mowing and forcing the kid to do our bidding , which we always enjoy to the fullest . Then the movie . Now this may have been a great movie . Rob and Sydney certainly enjoyed it . Somehow , I managed to sleep through all but the loudest explosive scenes . I think it was because we 'd had such a large meal of grilled steak , grilled zucchini and baked potatoes . And , I didn 't have that huge $ 6 bucket of popcorn to munch on for 2 hours and keep me awake . So , next time we go to the movies , I 'm going to skip the lunch and munch the corn and enjoy what I paid so much to see . I can sleep through a movie on my own sofa at home for practically free . And , the pie was a disappointment . The apples were not tart enough and the whole experience left me flat . It smelled so good and cinnamon - ey while baking . And , when I cut it , it looked perfect , with sliced apples and the soft sugary goo that fills in the empty spaces . But , then I took a bite and all I could taste was the crust . RATS ! Homemade pie is too much trouble if you don 't get the reward of melt in your mouth yumminess . And , today , it was back to school for the kid . Two days left for her and then summer camp . She 's excited to be out , which I don 't understand because they aren 't doing anything but playing these two days anyway . And , I 'm stuck at the office , where we are not playing . RATS ! again . Take care and have a great Tuesday . Lane |
A blog to talk about quilting and raising a daughter , which I do in equal measure . I 'll also talk a little about gardening , a little about cooking , and share a few pleasant memories . Hope you enjoy it . He couldn 't have been more different than me in high school . He was outgoing and popular . We went to the same school and the same church , attended the same youth camps and revivals . He came with friends . I don 't think I ever met his parents . My family was at the church every time they unlocked the doors . So much so that they finally just gave my Dad a key . He was in the theater group and on the year book staff . He had a shock of white in the back of his otherwise dark hair about the diameter of a quarter . No dye would stick to it and he couldn 't cut his hair to hide it . It made him different and easy to recognize from the back in the school hallways . Being his friend made me feel more popular , even though I really never fit in with the popular crowd I so wanted to be a part of . After graduation , my church attendance gradually dwindled . I think he went away to college , so I wouldn 't have seen him there anyway . He became a lawyer . I became a homosexual . And while those two things don 't seem to be related , they did shape our lives and the men we would become . He 's married and has two grown kids . I 'm not allowed to marry , despite our wedding rings , and have one growing kid . We worked an awards ceremony together in our senior year . He was on the stage , doing a hilarious show . So confident . So funny . I was in the orchestra , running the sound system . He kept swinging the microphone by the cord ( yes , microphones used to have cords ) and causing it to short out . I kept handing him new mics and he kept swinging the mics and they kept going out . Don 't remember how often it happened . Maybe once or twice , but I remember it like the scene from Father of the Bride when Spencer Tracy 's pants stuck to the floor . I felt bad about it until later that night when my Dad explained that it was his fault because he kept swinging them around like a fan blade in front of his face . All part of his act , but too much for the old sound system that my typing teacher had borrowed . I didn 't hear from him for 30 years . Had forgotten about him . Like evePosted by I 'm enjoying a time of great personal good luck . It happens some times . It 's not that my luck is ever really bad . Stuff happens , but I 've found , at least for me , bad luck is more a matter of how I look at stuff . For example , I 've learned , when " bad luck " happens to ask a couple of questions , like " Did I bring this on myself ? " Usually , if the answer to that one is yes , it 's because I 've procrastinated about something and let it turn into a crisis . Like the time I missed paying the electric bill and then wasn 't really in the mood to open the mail when the 1st cutoff notice came , so I didn 't start making calls and arrangements until the day before they were supposed to cut the power . Boy , that was a close one . But , no one to blame but me . Another question I ask is " Is this something that happens to everyone ? " I mean , it 's not bad luck when someone dies ( although the deceased may disagree ) . It actually happens to everyone and everything . So , no need to feel unlucky because I need to attend a funeral . So , by the time I 've discounted my " bad luck " as either something I caused or something that just happens during the natural course of a life well lived , there 's not much left to go into the bad luck category . Good luck , on the other hand , is abundant in my life . Like yesterday afternoon when the man called to tell me that there was nothing wrong with my car , except that someone ( a mechanic that has lost a customer and shall go nameless ( this was just the latest in his list of mistakes ) ) had overfilled the transmission and it had " burped " out the extra fluid in the driveway . And , luckier still , they didn 't charge me anything for checking it out . All I had to do was get back there to get the car ( and I still need to clean up the fluid spill . this may be a good time to have a 12 year old ) . And , my company was having access problems and I couldn 't interface to work from home , so I had a " free " day to kill any way I wanted to . Double good luck . And , while I was on my 3 mile walk home from the transmission shop , I walked past aPosted by Or maybe I should more appropriately say , a lotta steps back . I did get two quilts basted this weekend . This one is in the frame for some hand quilting , which I 'm enjoying very much . I took it outside , frame and all yesterday and quilted for a couple of hours in the swing , enjoying the breeze . And , this one , I knocked out last night . It 's all pin basted and ready to start machine quilting . And , last night , when we left the house for dinner , we saw a large puddle of red transmission fluid under my car . A very large puddle . So , I 'm out to look at that . I 'm really hoping I don 't have to have it towed to the shop . Grrr . Either way , I guess I 'll be working from home tomorrow and walking back and forth to the shop . Good thing it 's only a couple miles away . Lane Okay , so I 'm just back from the doctor 's office for my regular checkup . It was all good news , so continued existence remains an imminent possibility ( my sarcastic way of saying all is well ) . And , a good thing because I still have too many UFO 's . I know Rob was really excited because he doesn 't want to be a single parent . So there 's two good reasons to keep slogging on . Here are some yard shots . But , they aren 't very good . The flower bed is beautiful , but hard to catch all the detail in a picture . You just have to see it . Let us know what time you 'll get here and we 'll have coffee and cake ready . Right now , the beds are full of tall pink phlox . They love it here and don 't mind the clay or the heat . They 'll bloom most of a month and then receded and other things will kick in . I do like a lot of variety in my beds . And , this weekend , I need to start moving some things around . Not everything is happy in its current spot . This is along the edge of the daylily bed . Looks sad this time of year , but it will perk back up in a few weeks . And , this is along the other side . You can see my sitting area in the corner . 2nd favorite spot ! Most favorite is the swing that I can sit in and look at the beds from the outside . I 'll try to take some better pictures this weekend and show some of the best spots . Okay , so I 've been working on the Indian Orange Peel quilt . And , I am sooo frustrated . I 'm on the third border side . At this point , it 's time to set it aside for the weekend . I just want to get all those curves together . I 'm having so much trouble getting points to match . I just need to continue to plug my way through it and stop worrying about it being perfect . In this case , done is going to be much better than perfect . And the thing that 's frustrating me most is all that paper . It is so in the way as I try to go around this curve and then that one and back again . Grrrr . My plan is to baste two finished tops this weekend so I can work on something else for a while . I want to get one ready for machine quilting and one for hand . I have Posted by I didn 't publish my original post . I 'm so glad I didn 't . It was all politics and one thing I 've learned is to never discuss religion or politics with my friends . That 's how we can all stay friends . So , with that topic off the table , I 'm looking around for a topic that would be just as rousing , just as exciting , just as open for comment and opinion . And , I 'm finding nothing . I 'm sickened by what 's going on in the Gulf of Mexico . I can say that without being political . I 'm sick of war and infighting and mean people and murders . I 'm bored with people being rude to one another . Sick of watching them zip through traffic with absolute disregard to the safety of others . Disgusted by those that would harm children or the elderly or animals or anybody else that can 't defend themselves . And , I 'm trying to turn my thoughts to more pleasant things . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - I want to think about what wonderful things are happening to Betty White . Can you believe the success she 's having ? I want to think about yellow cake with white icing and toasted coconut . And , sweet custard chocolate pie with meringue . I want to think about beautiful fabrics and how they can be combined into lovely works of quilt art . I want to think about the potential for my daughter to be president . . . or at least a really successful dentist . I want to think about new cars and new car smells and roadtrips to exotic and wonderful places . I want new carpet . I want new clothes . I want more time to do the things that are important to me . I want to make home made icecream with fresh peaches . I want to eat more vegetarian meals . I want it to be cool enough to leave the windows open for the breeze , and I want to reupholster my wing back chair . I want everyone to be happy . Somebody send me the magic lamp . I think I 'm ready to make my three wishes now . Lane This is the first ' mess ' of green beans and the only onion from our little garden . All my life , I heard people say , " pick us a ' mess ' of . . . " , or " y ' all come for supper ' cause we 're cooking a ' mess ' of . . . " . I always wondered what a ' mess ' was . How much . What quantity . Because the way my Grandmother cooked , it was a half a hand full of something to a ' mess ' of something else . So , I asked my Grandmother one day . And , she said a ' mess ' is always " just enough for supper " . So , a mess is just enough . As is evidenced by my fabric stash , my sewing room , my closet , and pantry . But , I digress . What 's really on my mind today is the shooting pain down my left leg , from hip to ankle . Clearly , in the case of my wallet , a ' mess ' is not " just enough " . It 's too much . Rob accidentally washed my wallet a couple weeks ago . He found it before it went into the dryer . He carefully emptied it and propped it open and let it dry . But , despite being saved from the dryer , my wallet clearly shrunk . Now , it 's thicker and I 'm going to have to empty it . I don 't know how my Dad did it . My Dad 's wallet was more of a filing cabinet . If my Mom asked for a receipt , or a blank check , cash , a credit card , the car registration , or proof of insurance , his hunting license , or the paperwork from the last set of tires they bought , the business card for the pest control guy , the measurements for the new kitchen countertops , or any of a hundred other things , out came the wallet and from it would be produced a pristinely folded and pressed small square of paper , which when unfolded would reveal itself to be the requested document . It was amazing . And , I 'm convinced just a little magical . As I remember it , that wallet was over an inch thick . I don 't know how he sat down on it . But , he did . His wallet went everywhere . It went to the lake , to church , and it was there when we did yard work . He could sit on it all day in an uncomfortable plastic boat seat . It was , and as far as I know still is his constant companion . I know that wallets came and went over the years , Lane Okay , I know all you Mom 's out there just cringed . How can that mean , cruel man speak of his darling , precious little girl the same as a dog . I 'm not saying that . Not thinking of them the same at all , except that when we got them both , neither one was housebroke . Neither one understood the word " no " . Neither one knew any commands . I 'm just saying there have been similarities between them . Just sayin ' . Not saying they 're exactly alike . Exactly . I was thinking of all this at 6am when I was walking the dog . Sydney tried to break her to the leash . And , she had no success . Then , the puppy pulled the leash out of Sydney 's ( undoubtedly limp ) hand , trying to rush her back home , and ran out in front of a car . And , Sydney hasn 't tried to walk her since . But , we can 't take the dog anywhere until we teach her about the leash . And , we can 't teach her about the leash until we take her somewhere . So , I decided to take her on my morning walks around the neighborhood . The neighbor saw us starting off that first day and wasted no time telling me that I would never teach that dog to walk . And , for about 20 minutes , I wondered if she was right . So , how did I teach her to walk on the leash ? The same way we taught Sydney to live with us . First , we started out spoiling them . Low expectations . And , both lived down to them . Then , we inflicted an iron rule on them both . Rules . Commands . Okay , so one has learned " go wash the dishes " and the other has learned " heel " , but they 're both commands . With the puppy , I held the leash clinched in my fist and showed her what I wanted her to do , occasionally lifting her off the ground by her underchest harness until she got the hang of it . With Sydney , it was consequences , like having to rewash the same set of dirty dishes over and over until she finally understood that clean meant squeaky , not greasy . Then , there were rewards . Okay , so it 's more expensive to give a pre - teen girl treats than it is to push a piece of kibble under a dog 's nose , but treats work the same way for both : 1 ) you do what I wantPosted by Ya ' know , some of the best days are when the least happens . At least for us . When Rob and I talk on the phone in the mornings about what happened between the time he left for work and the time I dropped Sydney at wherever she 's going for the day , the best report I can give is that nothing happened . And , we enjoyed a similar experience yesterday . There was the exchanging of cards , me to Rob , Rob to me , Sydney to both of us ( double fathers makes for several interesting exchanges per year ) . Then , there was puttering around the house and then the shopping and then we went to the movies to see Robin Hood ( very good movie ( i even managed to stay awake through the whole thing ) ) . Chores in the afternoon and then steaks and baked potatoes and salad for supper ( the perfect manly meal ) . A happy Father 's day call to my Dad . And , just when we were getting tired of the sound of one another 's voices , the weekend was over . The perfect nothing happened weekend . Perfect to celebrate Father 's day . No arguing , no unpleasantness . Peace reigned supreme . I did manage to get out in the yard for some pictures . I don 't know what this daylily is . It bloomed at the end of a scape of double ditch orange daylilies and as you can see , it 's not double . Genetics are a funny thing , huh ? This one is one of Rob 's favorites and you can see why . It 's called Highland Lord . This is a triple ditch orange . See all those petals ? There are 18 , three layers of six petals each . And , very orange , even though the picture looks yellow . I think these are called ditch because they 're so common . As I understand it , triple orange is the dominant genetic form of daylily and if allowed to cross with any other , will produce a triple orange seed . I try to pull the seeds so I don 't get any more and instead rely on division to spread them . And , we 're not sure what this is and I 'm hoping my Mom can fill it in . We have two of them and we think they 're either Charlene 's patio or Yabba - Dabba - Doo . They are scarlet red and you can see how lovely . And , they 're prolific bloomers thiPosted by You might feel let down today and your first inclination is to fill in the emptiness with additional excitement . However , further analysis reveals that you may need peace and quiet at this time instead of more noise . Unfortunately , you won 't likely get what you expect now . . . ( Rick Levine ) Criminy , what does that mean ? Okay , so I don 't put too much stock into my horoscope , but it is fun to take what they write and try to make it fit into my day . And , this one seems more applicable than usual today . I 've been talking to Rob about being an " excitement junkie " . I miss the stress of homework . I miss those huge projects I 've been working on for the last year and a half . I miss the excitement of starting a new quilt pattern . I love the excitement of finding a special bargain on ebay . In fact , I 've been using the excitement of the bargain to supplement the lack of excitement at work , much to the excitement of mastercard . It 's weird . Missing the stress when I hate to be stressed out so much . Missing the deadlines . Missing the travel . But , it 's a good time for all that to be over . I 'm finding that the heat just takes everything out of me nowadays . So , it 's a good time to just sit back and relax . Walk in the garden , take it easy on the weekends . I 'll get over Jones - ing for excitement soon enough . I 'll get my job Mojo back . And , I 'll stop Bogarting all the ebay bargains . And , hey . My horoscope said I wouldn 't likely get what I EXPECTED . It didn 't say I wouldn 't enjoy it . Take care and have a great Friday . It 's the weekend and I 'm piecing Indian Orange Peel borders . Again . Second time better be the charm cuz those puppies are a pain in the arse . Lane I never knew the old man 's name . I called his dog Me Too because the old man held a sign that said " Homeless . Hungry . Anything helps . " and around the dog 's neck , you 'd often see a sign that said " me too " . He stood on the same corner every day , he and his dog and his sign and his backpack and a large jug of water . He always had a smile . After he got to know us , he always had a joke for Sydney - " Did you hear about the cat that ate the ball of yarn ? She had mittens " . He told that joke more than once . And God bless her , Sydney laughed every time . I 'd pull up to the stoplight and he 'd wander over to the car and we 'd shake and chat for a few minutes . If I had money , he had money . And , so did Me Too . I found him sick one day , barely able to stand up in the heat . He was with a group at the time . I went home , and packed a huge bowl of cold pasta salad with chicken in it , an extra large juice bottle of ice water , and a can of dog food and Sydney and I took it back to them . And , I made my own family wait to get their supper that night . Often , Rob will go buy a short stack of Wal - Mart gift cards and hand them out to the homeless . When he gave one to the old man , we found out that his camp had just been raided and the police had taken a box cutter to his tent , so the old man and Me Too were sleeping cuddled up under a tree . The gift card was enough to buy a tent . And , he was so appreciative , I thought he was going to cry . One day , when I pulled up and we were chatting , he explained that he 'd be gone for a month or so . He had prostate cancer and was going into the VA hospital . A veterinarian around the corner had agreed to board Me Too . About 5 days later , he was back on his corner . There was nothing the doctors could do . A few weeks later , he stopped being regular on his corner . He was there sometimes , and at other times , it would be someone else from his group . Then , I didn 't see him again . Then , I saw Me Too walking with somebody else . Someone once told me not to give money to " beggars " . They were only going to spend it on beerPosted by I don 't ever remember having scout dinners as a boy scout . But , my Mom surely made many of them . They 're simple and I think they 're healthy . Well , not to sure about cooking on aluminum foil , but I don 't do it often , so it will have to be okay . First , take a big piece of foil . Add sliced potatoes . Sliced cabbage . Sliced onion , salt and pepper . Add a ground beef patty seasoned with salt and pepper and Worcestershire sauce . Seal it up and cut a vent in the top . Bake it in the oven or cook on the grill at 350 * for 40 - 45 minutes . They 're great , unless you don 't like cabbage . I mean get real . How can you not like cabbage . We 're going through green vegetables fast and I can 't find one she really likes except green beans . So , I feed her lots of Broccoli because I like it . And , she makes this same face when I make her eat it . It 's a win - win for me . Jeez . She 's so twelve - and - a - half . You can 't see it here , but she 's graduated to colored nail polish on her fingers ( she 's always been able to pick any color for her toes ) . Nothing wild , but more grown up than little girl pink . Hopefully , she 'll learn to " color within the lines " this summer . Take care and have a great Tuesday . Lane Posted by I had the best time redoing these tables over the weekend . These are a pair of early American maple end tables that my Mom bought in about 1976 . They were perfect with the LR furniture she got that year . And , they were basically in use in her house until the late 90 's when they came to me , first one and then the other . We 've been using them as bedside tables since . And , they had seen all the better days they were going to see as early American maple end tables . They are veneer , so not worth refinishing , but they were too cute to discard . And , they hold a lot of family history . I 've been painting furniture lately and walked out of the bathroom the other day and saw the poor table on my side of the bed and I had an idea . I thought about it for a while and then talked to Rob about it and he said okay , but reminded me that he ultimately wants to build us new tables to replace these . I couldn 't wait . So , a trip to home depot and a few hours in the garage and here they are , on their way to a more life as bedside tables . I am enjoying them very much and they still catch my eye when I go around the corner and see them . Before , they just disappeared . Now , they make a statement against the red bedroom walls . Y ' all take care and have a great Monday . I got lots done over the weekend , so more photos coming soon . But , I 'm so far behind reading blogs . I 'll catch up as I can . Lane That 's exactly what this poor tired bed on the dark side of our house needed . This bed runs up the north side of the house , around the outside air conditioning unit and then around the corner and ends at the garage door . I thought the aspidistra was dying on the front because that faces west and it gets a lot of sun . The plants looked sad and brown . But , when I cut the dead out of the bed and moved a little bit from where I didn 't want it to where I did , and got a few years of oak leaves out of it , the bed looked pretty good . Unfortunately , it was a mosquitoe hotel and when I stirred it up , they all went through the open garage door and into the house . The three of us spent all of Saturday night swatting and slapping and scratching . We were smarter on Sunday when we planted the white impatiens and red begonias around the edge . First , we didn 't disturb the aspidistra and second , we left the garage door down . But , even with that , the mosquitoes tried to carry us off , one drop at a time . These pictures are from the back garden . First , to the right . The gate you see is the same as what you saw in the previous picture , upper left corner , from the inside . Still , not much color , but things are getting ready to bloom and fill this area in . And , this is to the left . You can see the tall pink phlox just getting started . I have those all over and they will bloom for a large part of the summer . The daylily show is changing from the common orange and yellow to the specialty daylilies that are left , so there should be a good bit more show . Here is a pink one that bloomed next to my glider . When the sun is shining , I love to sit out here . The mosquitoes don 't bother me so much in the sunshine . And , just talking about those skeeters has got me itching all over . I did finish the feather quilting project . Got the last stitches on the border Saturday night and never got around to washing and blocking yesterday . Too many other things going on , I guess . And , I was working with chemicals and the last thing I want to do is get anything Posted by The sound of the Friday clock . Slowly the second hand passes the 12And every second seems like more . . . . . . heck . Ha ! You thought I was going to use a bad word , didn 't you . No , not today . I 've already been admonished today for saying ass . As in " what a dumbass " when the decorator painted the people 's house purple on HGTV this morning . They didn 't like it . I didn 't like it . Sydney ? She liked it . I 'm just waiting for the day to be over . I have plenty of stuff to keep me busy and hopefully , at least some of it will be mentally stimulating . All these weeks I 've been waiting for my boss 's presentation to be over so we could rest for a few days and now we 've done everything we can . The rest is up to him . So now I can finally take a half hour and clear off my desk . Do a little filing . And , a little dusting . It 's way past time . On a side note , I have finally broken all ties to Martha Stewart . Yesterday , I sold her stock . . . stock that I lost my shirt on . Thank goodness I didn 't let her lose very much of my money . Who knew that she 'd come out of jail worse than when she went in ? ? ? Isn 't pennance supposed to make people better ? I mean , she changed her format to the one thing she can 't do . She tried to run a talk show . And , she CAN ' T TALK TO PEOPLE ! I held that stock for years , hoping that it would go up . Thinking that I couldn 't afford to sell it . But , yesterday , I cut my losses . And , what did I buy ? I bought into a company that makes parts for those huge windmills for windfarms . That 's much more in line with my priorities today . So , farewell Martha . Here 's your ring back . The engagement is over . You should have seen it coming when I recycled 5 years worth of back issues of Living . Oh , and take my feedback . You did better talking at people than you ever will talking to them . Stick with what you know , girl ! Love , Lanep . s . if Martha leaves feedback like Emilie did , I 'm gonna just die . Sink right into the ground like that building in Guatamala . Well , it is the first day of summer vacation for the kid . I thought I 'd try to make it special and take her to breakfast before dropping her at summer camp . It 's too early for summer camp and there was nothing on the plan for today and I thought breakfast would be a nice little bit of the day when she wouldn 't be bored with the little kids and when we could spend a little extra time together . My vision : I 'd let her sleep late and she 'd get up singing happy songs about how school was out . We 'd get ready for our days , pack our lunches , head out to a restaurant where a waiter would take my order for a nice healthy breakfast that included eggs , biscuits and fruit . Then , we 'd head back to the house , pick up our lunches and go do our separate things . What happened : I let her sleep late and got 5 " 3 " of attitude , huge hair , and grumpiness , followed by complaining about what she had picked to take for lunches this week . At this point , she 'd been up for 50 minutes and I 'd spent 25 minutes of that walking by myself and another 20 showering and getting ready , and those other 5 minutes were about all the father / daughter time I thought I could handle . So , I stepped her back and gave her another 5 to adjust her attitute . After that , it was all sherry and giggles as we did my morning garden walk and finished getting ready . She picked a burger place for breakfast and rushed me through the whole thing . " Hurry , hurry , hurry , I want to get to camp and see Shelley ( the camp counselor ) " . " Stop singing . You don 't know how . " " Don 't dance . You don 't know how . " She 's so lucky . She has no idea how few parents are actually happy enough to sing and dance . Even if they don 't know how . One day she 's going to remember that it wasn 't all fighting about homework and chores . On a side note , I 'm going to have to be careful what I blog about . After my post yesterday about the sudden summer storm , we had a gulleywasher yesterday evening . There were even some blown down trees in the ' hood . Thunder , lightening , the cap blew off our chimney . No serious dPosted by Once I was young . A very long time ago . And , I decided I wanted to go fishing . Now , I 've never really gotten the whole hunting and fishing thing . I 'm sure that in part , that 's because meat comes from the supermarket . I don 't really want to be involved in the killing of it . Never did . But , my Dad loved to hunt and fish . I can remember that he would leave before dawn and stay out most of the day . When we had a travel trailer , we kept it at the lake like a summer cabin . We could go out for the weekend and my Dad could fish until his heart was content . Now , as far as a hunter goes , I don 't remember my Dad killing much . I think he was into it for the outdoors and if it had been socially acceptable , would probably have hunted with a camera instead of a gun . But , as a fisherman , he almost always came in with a big haul . I wanted to be more like my Dad when I was a teen . But , we were so different . I 'd rather be inside . I preferred the air conditioning or the heating , or better yet , a big roaring fire . I 'd rather stay in with my Mom and my Aunt Seal ( Lucille ) and make Christmas ornaments . But , on this particular weekday , I decided to go fishing . I must have been 16 or 17 and was a new driver . I borrowed the Suburban and the flat bottomed aluminum boat and off I went . I cannot tell you how I got that boat trailer in the water to get the boat off of it . I can 't back up a trailer to save my life . But , somehow , I did get the boat in the water . I remember paddling around the lake with my rod , casting and catching nothing . I didn 't mind that I wasn 't catching anything . I was paddling along the edge of the lake and enjoying the scenery . I remember watching a snake swim by . It was fascinating to watch that whipping back and forth and moving so fast through the water , head up . And , paying much less attention to me than I was to it . I paddled around for a few hours . Occassionally tying up to a tree , but mostly just floating along . Enjoying the peace , the quiet , and the sunshine . Birds chirping . Occassionally a fish breaking the watPosted by Okay , yesterday started out just fantastic for me . You guys know that Rob and I are trying to spend more time together , focused on one another . And , we achieved what was for me the pinnacle yesterday morning . I took some fingerwork and he took the laptop and we went out to the greenhouse and watched the sun come up . I sewed , he played music for me and web searched . And , we were just together . Us and the sun and the birds starting to sing . Nothing to distract us from chatting about nothing in particular . It was truly intimate time . After that , it was gardening and lawn mowing and forcing the kid to do our bidding , which we always enjoy to the fullest . Then the movie . Now this may have been a great movie . Rob and Sydney certainly enjoyed it . Somehow , I managed to sleep through all but the loudest explosive scenes . I think it was because we 'd had such a large meal of grilled steak , grilled zucchini and baked potatoes . And , I didn 't have that huge $ 6 bucket of popcorn to munch on for 2 hours and keep me awake . So , next time we go to the movies , I 'm going to skip the lunch and munch the corn and enjoy what I paid so much to see . I can sleep through a movie on my own sofa at home for practically free . And , the pie was a disappointment . The apples were not tart enough and the whole experience left me flat . It smelled so good and cinnamon - ey while baking . And , when I cut it , it looked perfect , with sliced apples and the soft sugary goo that fills in the empty spaces . But , then I took a bite and all I could taste was the crust . RATS ! Homemade pie is too much trouble if you don 't get the reward of melt in your mouth yumminess . And , today , it was back to school for the kid . Two days left for her and then summer camp . She 's excited to be out , which I don 't understand because they aren 't doing anything but playing these two days anyway . And , I 'm stuck at the office , where we are not playing . RATS ! again . Take care and have a great Tuesday . Lane |
This is a blog describing my personal adoption experience and on going progress . It has my thoughts , feelings , insights , and complaints on my process and sometimes even the adoption process as a whole . My goal is to create a blog that will show the realistic views of adoption from a birth mothers point of view and hopefully to provide support to others in the same situation that I was and still am in . With finals coming to an end soon ( THANK GOD ) and having some time to do some creative things , I was thinking I would work on Jude 's Information book . The idea behind this Information book is to provide information about Victor and I and our families for Jude . Things like what were like , our family trees , why we gave him up for adoption , and maybe a letter to him for the future . I want him to have this so that if he wants to know about us , but doesn 't want to meet us yet , then he will have something to look at to know us with out meeting us . The problem : I don 't know what to put in it other than the ideas I suggested above . : / This is where you lovely people come in . Can you give me ideas and suggestions as to what to put into this book ? What would you want your birth children to know about you ? What do you think they want to know about you ? What messages , pictures , thoughts , and any thing else you can think of would you want them to know / see ? What things would you want your adopted children to know about their birth parents ? What do you want to know about your child 's birth parents ? Are their stories , messages , pictures , or thoughts you would want your child to know about their birth parents ? What kind of things do you want to know about your birth parents ? Would you want a letter from them ? Pictures ? Stories ? Would you want a family tree of your biological family ? What would you want them to say to you about anything ? If you had the chance to ask your parents anything , what would you ask them ? Is there anything you would want to know about your parents ? What would you want your parents to tell you ? I will take any suggestions , ideas , questions from anyone , you don 't have to be following me to answer these questions . Like I said , its not urgent , but once school starts up again in January , I wont have much time again . So , please help ? This past weekend I met with Jude , Katie and Greg . It was Jude 's 2nd birthday on Monday , so we celebrated . We met at the Children 's Discovery Museum . It was just me this visit , which was very nice . Victor was unable to come this time , for personal reasons . It was just the 4 of us , which was nice . I think all of us were really quiet this visit . We talked I mean , but there were lulls in the conversation sometimes . I personally was dead tired from the previous night of shenanigans and had a lot on my mind . I was so tired I didn 't have time to make the Yo Gabba Gabba cupcakes I wanted to . I just ended up going to a local bakery and picking out like $ 40 worth of treats . Jude and his folks didn 't seem to mind though . Jude was just great . Apparently he had a cold this visit and had a very short nap before getting to the museum , but that only slowed him down a bit . We ate some food truck food , which was super good . Then went into the actual museum . Jude is a very smart boy . He talks a lot , loudly , but a lot . He 's curious about everything and likes to explore . Katie and Greg are doing a great job . Jude is a huge ham . Always smiling for the camera and saying " cheese ! " . Some times he 'll even pose . He is just the best and the cutest kid around . I would have to say his only problem right now is sharing . Only child syndrome is a tough one to break . I have confidence though that Katie and Greg will nip that problem in the bud and / or he will grow out of it . I took a lot of pictures with my own camera this time , but it really prevented me from interacting with Jude . Not only that , but I was pretty much a pack mule with my purse , Jude 's presents from Victor and I , and the sweets I bought . I had my hands full . A couple of hours later Jude was getting fussy , and we adults were pooped . I walked them back to the car and we got the group shot I wanted . We briefly mentioned the next visit in February and said our good byes . I got hugs from everyone and kisses ( besos ) from Jude . Off they went and I caught the light rail back to the place I was staying . Victor was bummed he missed the visit , but he had bigger problems that he needed to deal with . The pictures I took cam out ok , I 'm n professional , but they will do until I get the one 's Greg took . I 'll be like an excited puppy waiting at the mail box for the next couple weeks . All in all , It was a good visit . Even emotionally I am fine . Like any mom , I 'm bummed he 's getting older and not a little baby any more . However , I 'm not sad . I 'm a bit off balance if that makes any sense . Natty was telling me how much people back in Jude 's home town people love him there and how he never wants for anything . This is all wonderful to hear don 't get me wrong , but I couldn 't help but wonder ' What does he need me for ? ' . I 'm not really sure if he will . Honestly , I think I 'm ok with that , but its just weird . I had this vision of what I wanted to be in Jude 's life or at least what I wanted to be and now I 've come to the conclusion that I might not be anything . I guess time will tell . I can 't wait until christmas to make his present . Posted by I have one real goal for this visit coming up in a couple of weeks . It will be his birthday visit and I am more than excited to see them . I have his cupcakes all planned out and maybe a few Balloons . My one goal is to get a picture of all five of us , Victor , Jude , Katie , Greg , and I . A couple of months ago I realized that I don 't have a picture of all five of us . I have a picture of Katie and Me at the hospital before Jude was born , but thats it . I feel like the hugest bitch for not asking for a picture of all ! I guess I just wasn 't thinking , plus what does it say that they didn 't want one either ? I 'm not even going to think on that … . For what ever reason , I seem to be taking this hard . I don 't really know why . It could be because it 's shark week ( TMI ) , I 'm in a new place and lonely , or a lot of girls I know are on to their second child right now and my uterus is saying " Um , hello ? ! When 's it my turn ? " ( I usually just laugh at my uterus and tell it in a evil , maniacal way " I planted a device that doesn 't allow us to have kids . You will be childless until 2016 ! Muhahaha ! " At that point my uterus stabs a knife in me and calls it cramps . . . . . . Annnnnyyyyyywhhhoo ) Two years old , bajesus , where does the time go ? ! It just seems like yesterday when he was born . As creepy as this sounds , I can still remember his baby smell . I remember when he was first born and just all of a sudden there . He was a passive baby , even as a new born . He came out quiet , cried for a minute , stayed pretty quiet . I had a c - section , so after he came out they whisked him off for tests and food and such . My mom went with him , Victor stayed with me and assured me that Jude was fine . A couple of minutes went by , I knew Jude was fine with the nurses and Victor and I were just passing time with some of our witty banter . And then , all of a sudden , there was a baby in my face . So many different thoughts went through my mind in a 1 second span . He didn 't seem real . His face was to squished . He didn 't look like he was breathing , but to me babies never look like their breathing . As far as I could tell , he was sleeping . I literally thought to my self " This really would be my child if he the first thing he chooses to do in the life is sleep " . Despite all that going through my head , I spoke . He opened his eyes and gave my face a quick look over , as if to say " huh ? Oh yeah , I know you . Ok , back to sleep " . From there he was passed around to Victor , my mom , different nurses for tests . I didn 't get to really hold him until I went to recovery . Everyone kept telling me that holding a new born was like holding a loaf of bread . Incase anyone was wondering , holding a 10 pound baby is nothing like a holding a loaf of bread . I can still remember feeling the weight of him in my arms for the first time . Baby nostalgia I guess . Victor and I have a visit coming up in October . We found a book we would really like to get him for his birthday . I thought of maybe an art project as well , but I 'm not sure if I 'll be able to pull it off before his birthday . Unfortunately due to being broke college students this year , Victor and I can 't get Jude anything big this year . Its a bummer for us because we love making him something big for his birthday . Maybe for christmas we will do something , but for now it 's just the book . I plan on making a small treat , like cupcakes or cookies for the visit . It should just be Victor and I . I 'm hoping we go to aquarium , mainly because I want to go to the aquarium really bad , but I think Jude would have a good time too . But I would be fine with the beach , Happy Hallow Zoo , SF Zoo , or even a near by park or activity center . I don 't really have much planned other than enjoy what ever new tricks Jude has learned , get as many pictures as possible , maybe have Victor get close enough to Jude so they can fist bump , and have a great time with Katie and Greg . I 'm stuck trying to figure out what I 'm going to make . Victor and I aren 't a huge fan of giving Jude sugar . For his first birthday I tried to make his cupcakes as sugar - free as possible . This time I 'm thinking cake pops with a light frosting , cookies , german pancakes ( I think thats the name of what I 'm thinking of ) , maybe a chocolate covered fruit of some kind . I 'll play around with some ideas , but if you guys have suggestions I would be happy to hear them . : ) I 'm really excited to see Katie , Greg , and Jude again . I don 't just miss Jude , I miss all of them . Three more weeks ! : D So this visit was by far the most drama filled . Originally , this visit was just supposed to be the kind of visit Victor and I wanted , which means just the two of us enjoying Jude , Katie , and Greg 's company . I wanted a picture of all five of us and maybe a girls picture and a boys picture so I could hang them up at my new place . It was going to be simple and nice and as quiet as a 2 year old toddler could be . We were all supposed to meet on july 21st . But then Greg had to attend a meeting that got changed to that day , and wanted to meet either later the 21st or 22nd . We decided the 21st because Victor and his family were leaving to go to San Diego the 22nd . Then Victor 's parents changed their plans and decided to leave the 21st as well . You see to pull this visit off with just the two of us , we kept Jude 's visit a secret . Its not that we don 't want other people to see him and his family , we just want them to our selves some times . However , we have a hard time saying no to our parents . They went through a rough time too when Victor and I gave him up , so saying no is almost like seeing them let go again . Hence , why we kept it a secret . How ever , to figure out what time Victor would be leaving for his trip , we knew we would need to tell his parents about the visit . No surprise , Victor 's family wanted to see Jude . Long story short , they changed their departure date to the 22nd and K , G , and J would come in later in the afternoon and have dinner with Victors bigger - than - normal family . How much bigger you ask ? Well , there were The plan was for Jude and his folks to stop by my house for a bit and see my parents and my sister , Sarah , who hasn 't seen him since he was born . I told her two weeks in advance when he was coming and trying to arrange it special just so she could see him . However , she decided her friends and the beach was more important , but that is a whole other selfish story . Greg also was informed at the last minute that his meeting would go longer than he thought and could not make it to our visit . Katie came with he cousin , Lily instead , which was totally great with me because I love meeting Katie and Greg 's families . I picked Victor up and brought him back to my house . Katie , Lily , and Jude had just arrived and were walking up my drive way when we pulled in . Jude looked just as blonde and pale as ever . Katie looked as amazing as ever , and Lily could have been her sister if I hadn 't known any better . I gave Jude a big kiss on his fat whittle cheeks and hugged and shook hands with Katie and Lily . We went into the house and my mom and stepdad had there time with them . I still needed to do my hair , so I went into my room and worked on that . Jude to me didn 't look much different to me , maybe a little taller and his hair was cut , but nothing more . Then in my room I heard a little voice . Not like a squeak or anything , but a small child 's voice . I went back into the living room where everyone was at and there was Jude , talking away . " Door " " Up " Doggy " " Agua " " Momma " Dadda " " Outside " " Inside " " Hot " " MMMM Good " " Let see ( for let me see ) " and " Lets go ! " My bio son talks ! Not only that but understands even more english and spanish words ! Genius ! Victor was the same as he is at all the visits . He kept his distance and didn 't say much . Jude was so interested in him ( maybe because Victor had worn a Tie - dye shirt that day ) , but he kept his distance , almost like he knew he should . Within the first 10 minutes of being with his family , he had to leave . Even if it is his own family , social situations of more than 5 people become stressful for him . So despite what he wanted to do , he needed to leave . He sent me a heart breaking text later saying " I miss you . I miss Jude . I wish I could have been a better father . " I called him immediately and told him that he did the right thing by giving him up , and even though we didn 't get the visit we wanted , his family got what they needed and I 'm sure they were truly grateful for that . And they were . Everyone had a camera out and took as many pictures as possible . Katie and Jude played on the trampoline in the back yard with Victor 's youngest brother and his cousins . They were very good with him and Jude loved being able to fall and not get hurt . Lily and I chatted up Victor 's family , took pictures , and guarded the edges of the trampoline . Jude hugged or fist bumped everyone there , even Victor 's dog Sammy . He hugged Victor 's Mom like 30 times and jumped and climbed all over anyone who would let him . Around 7pm he started to get cranky , but luckily Victor 's parents have Netflix on demand and put on the only show he will watch , Yo Gabba Gabba . ( Side note : seriously though , WTF is up with that show ? ? ? Are the writes and designers on acid the whole time and just put what they see ? ! Idk , but if Jude loves it then I do too . ) He watched 4 episodes while we ate dinner and dessert and talked . Then he became cuddly and Katie and I traded sitting with him and snuggling with him . We all left by 9pm , waaayyy past Jude 's bedtime , but he would sleep in the car . Katie and Lily dropped me off back at my house and we made unofficial plans for our next time to be the weekend before his birthday . I know it 's not father 's day yet , well at least here in the U . S . A , I have one more day . Father 's day for me how ever isn 't a big deal . My dad only saw me once every two weeks and after I got pregnant I really decided that I didn 't want to be there . I love him and such , just not around him . I 'm an out of sight out of mind kind of person . My Step dad is a nice enough man , he takes care of my mom , sister , and me and I also love him . We get him a gift and a card and celebrate it with him as well . However , he has 5 other biological kids to spend his day with . I forgot to send Greg a card , which is my bad , and I 'll just send him a pretty email card or a late real card . Then there is the other technical father person in my life , Victor . Every time there is an opportunity for Victor to be involved in the adoption or have anything to do with Jude , I ask him straight up , " Do you want to do this ? " " How would you feel about this ? " " What do YOU want to do while this is happening ? " and anything else that would apply to that situation . Victor 's aspergers makes social situations weird enough as it is , add in a kid , which while he likes Jude , is still a kid which makes things super uncomfortable for him . Plus if Jude screams , which I expect him to do , Victor 's hearing might be affected and he might , well as I call them , " have a fit " . This results in him being broody , moody , sulky , and an asshole . Victor knows his limits , lays them out for me and his expectations and what he wants . So , I asked him about Father 's Day . I asked him : " Do you want to do anything ? " No " Do you want a gift ? " No " Ok , do you want to be acknowledged at all as a Father that day ? " No . It was the answer I expected and I thought that was the end of that , but something weird happened . Victor suddenly became sad and removed . I could tell that he was off some how and I asked him if he was alright . At that moment we had arrived at Red Robin for dinner . He said we would talk about it later . Once we put our name in , we went outside to wait for an available table . After a couple of minutes and his mood was still the same . I asked him " Did I make you sad about Father 's day ? I 'm sorry " He said … ( and I quote to the best of my memory ) " No , it wasn 't you . I just don 't think I 'm worthy to be a part of father 's day . I just don 't feel like I … . . deserve to be called a father . I don 't take care of him . I 'm not there for him , and yeah , I don 't take care of him . " I had never heard anything so …… sad , human , parental like , come from Victor . I almost cried right there and then . I honestly didn 't know what to say to that . Victor is a logical person . I could tell him to the moon and back that he is wrong and that while he doesn 't take care of him now , he took care of me when I was pregnant , took care of Jude in the hospital , made the RIGHT decision for Jude 's life , and does far more than what I expected for Jude now than I had ever thought . I wish I could just show him that he 's wrong . He doesn 't have to celebrate father 's day if he doesn 't want to , but dammit he should know that he does count ! He tries so hard every time we see Jude to be involved and get along with Katie and Greg . He wants to help me with every project I want to do for Jude . He wants to visit with Jude almost every single visit , despite the fact that originally he planned to not see Jude at all after he was placed . I just wish he saw what I saw . He broke my heart … again … . but for an entirely different reason . I applied to 5 schools , four of which I have heard back from , the last I wont know until June . All of which I applied for social work as my major , all schools far away from home ( the closest being 6 hours away ) , and all schools I don 't give a rats ass about . I think I have ruled out 3 of the schools and I 'm down to two choices . These were my 5 choices : CSU Humboldt , Portland State University , Eastern Washington University , Salem ( Mass . ) State University , and I still haven 't heard from University of Washington . I have narrowed it down to Humboldt and U of W . I officially accepted to Humboldt as like a back up school , but I don 't really know what I would do if I was accepted to U of W . My chances of that though are slim . I know freshman who had better grades and extra curricular activities than me who didn 't get in . It makes me think my chances are slim , but it was my " What the hell " school . The problem I have seem to found my self is I have now become aware of how lonely I will really be no matter where I go . I 'll be away from my family , my friends , Jude , and Victor . I 've never been far away from Victor before , and quiet frankly its scary . I knew I would be away from my family and Jude , those were givens . My friends though , I didn 't really think about them . I don 't want to leave them yet . I 'm also scared of leaving Jude , not because I don 't think he 'll be safe or whatever . Its really just because I don 't want to leave him . I don 't see him often , I know , but still I like knowing he 's only three or so hours away . Now , he will be at least 9 hours away : / Is it fair to say I don 't want to make huge life decisions right now ? I think I 'll become a college drop out , bum around Europe a while , and stalk Matt Smith and Daniel Radclift until one of them marry me ( Or both in a perfect world ) . That should keep me there for a long time right ? Posted by Tomorrow is my second birth mothers day ever and I couldn 't be more excited . I feel like Birth Mother 's day is really my day to celebrate the adoption . To celebrate the good choices I made and to be seen as some kind of mom . Mother 's day is not for me . Giving birth to a child doesn 't make some one a mother , its so much more than that . I really wanted to do something big for Birth Mothers day this year , but I sold my soul to school this quarter and am taking a 7 hour class on saturdays . Not only that , but I need to work after school . While the actually physical celebration wont take place that day , I will hold my head up high that day and be proud of who I am . I might celebrate in my own way . My job after school is house sitting for a nice couple with a dog , so maybe I will paint or draw . So , to all my other birth moms out there , though it is early , Happy Birth Mother 's Day . You are all wonderful and unselfish women . Your birth children and adoptive parents are privileged and should be honored to have a part of you in their lives . Posted by I have two cats , Juno and Kibo . Juno is more of my mom 's cat . She is social , talkative , and pretty much a small dog . Kibo on the other hand , she 's a stereotypical cat . She ignores you , loves food , and sleeps all day . She doesn 't like anyone in the family … . . EXCEPT ME ! We don 't know why she does , but she loves me . She have given me kisses , she lets me harass her , and she will sit with me the longest . Her most important and the reason I love her , she knows when I 'm sick , upset , or in need of cuddles . She will sit with me for hours , for as long as I want her to sit with me , or she needs something ( food , water , etc . ) . I love Jude , with all my heart and soul , and no one can ever replace him . Kibo though , is my second baby . She is my love and my angel in so many ways . After I had Jude , came home , and sat ( and cried ) ; Kibo knew . She sat with me every day I was in bed . Some days longer than others , but everyday for at least 3 hours she was there . For that amount of time , great or small , it was like a break from hell . My biggest problem my first few days out of the hospital ( other than the obvious of not having a baby ) , was that the world kept spinning while I was going throw the worst moment of my life . My mom , sister , Victor , and everyone else who supported me were there as much as they could . They still had lives though , that included school , work , errands , etc . and I understood that , but dammit I just needed the world to stop for me ! Kibo though , her world is sleeping and sitting . So while Kibo sat with me , I was able to pretended the world stopped for me . Last week my baby came how with a smallish cut on her ass area . The next day we let her out and it got BIGGER . It almost looked like something grabbed a bit of her fur and ripped out her hair and skin . After a few days of it not healing we finally took her to the vet . $ 500 , stitches , antibiotics , and a cone later she is home and skittish . While at the vet today though , my mom told my step dad how much it would cost and he flipped . He started going on how he should just shoot her , let her die , or give her back to the pound . I yelled at him no and told him I would pay for it . He said no , but if something happens to her again it was death or the pound for her . I went into room and cried . I don 't care if I spend thousands of dollars on Kibo . I would make a deal with the devil if it meant I could have her happy and healthy for ever . The thought of her dying makes me physically sick to my stomach . To have him threaten to end her , it just …… . I felt like I died a little bit . I lost one baby , I don 't want to loose another . I watched a 8 - 9 year old girl named Hannah * yesterday morning while her parents went out and ran in a race . I 've know Hannah and her family since they moved in before Hannah was born . Hannah was adopted and from what I understand the family has a semi - open ( or did have , I 'm not sure what the situation is now ) adoption . They had tried to adopt a second child but after 2 or 3 attempts that led to heart break , they gave up . They are a very nice couple and at first I considered them to adopt Jude . The declined though and said that they were too old to adopt a new born . It all worked out in the end though and they focused on other things in their life . Hannah is a very smart and straight forward kind of girl . She likes sports , riding her bike , and other more typical girl things . It was 7am , so I wasn 't in the best mood to be an active and fun loving baby sitter . Luckily for me , Hannah just wanted to sit around and watch a movie . Later we made some food , attempted to make pudding ( that never set for some reason ) , and went out for a walk / bike ride . Some time during all of that , she turned to me and asked : I was really thrown off . Not many kids ask me questions like that . Mainly because not many kids that I watch know that I was pregnant . Also because they don 't care , which is understandable because , duh , there just kids . Not only that , but I didn 't really know that Hannah knew about my whole situation . I didn 't want to drill her with questions on how she knew about Jude and such , so I just answered her question as simply as I could . I didn 't know that Hannah had knew about adoption . I didn 't want to ask if she knew that she was adopted , because she might not have and then that would have been extremely bad . It 's refreshing though to see a child be open and curious about things around them though , and its more refreshing for me to see a child interested in my adoption . Even if it was one question , its a question I like to answer and inform people about . I want to educate others on adoption and even my adoption experience if they want to know . This last weekend I had a wonderful visit with Jude , Katie and Greg ! Before I get into this visit though , I need to share some back story so you understand my mind set during this visit . A month or two ago I had a sort of a revelation or ephifany . This is really hard for some people to understand , so lets hope it goes well here . I am very happy with where Jude is . I don 't want him back . I don 't want to raise him in anyway . He is better off with Katie and Greg and I am better off without Jude . I love getting pictures , updates , and visits . I never ever want to stop seeing him . I love him more than anything else in the world and would be thrilled if , when he 's older , he would like to spend a weekend with me or even invite me to special events . However , I 'm fully aware that I am not his mother and I 'm not going to pretend that I am . I gave birth to him . I will always love him like he is my son . I will always be there for him if or when he needs me . My mothering " duties " stop there . I 'm not the one who wakes up with him when he gets sick in the middle of the night . I am not the one who will make him sandwiches for school . I 'm not the one who will ground him for crashing the car . I will also not be the one who will get mothers day cards , watch him graduate from college , and drill the girl he brings home to marry . That is not a role I am meant to play in his life and I am happy that I won 't be able to play that role . I have the opportunity to play a different role all together and I am perfectly excited about it . We decided to go to the beach the day before . Victor was unsure if he had wanted to go to the beach with us , but he knew he wanted to see Jude . I asked Katie and Greg if we could have lunch before hand and they happily agreed . When I told my parents this , they got their big puppy eyes out and asked if they could come too . I couldn 't say no to them , but honestly I just didn 't want them to come that visit . It messed up a lot of different things . 1 ) . That many people and people that he knows hates him ( my stepdad especially ) sets off his Aspergers and he becomes very quiet and anti - social . 2 ) . I made it seem like it would only be me and Victor at the lunch and then all of a sudden two more people are there . 3 ) . Because of its short notice I didn 't have time to inform Victor 's parents that Jude was coming for a visit . The adoption was hard on them too and I know for sure that at least Victor 's mom would have liked to see him . It just sucks that my parents have the advantage of being right next to me when they hear Jude is in town . As stressed as I was though , lunch went by well . Victor interacted with Jude a bit . My parents talked to Greg and Katie . Victor and I really just talked to each other . I gave them their christmas presents and watched Jude build with blocks . My step dad even talked to Vlad for a bit about transferring to schools . At one point it got to be too much for Victor and he went outside , but other than that it was great . Later , after the visit , I told Victor about our day and he had said it wished it had gone differently because he felt like he didn 't get the kind of visit he wanted because of all the stress and his Asperger 's caused . After lunch , Katie , Greg , Jude , and I drove to the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk . We talked , walked along the pier , went in the water some . Jude and I played in the water , Katie and Greg did as well , but not at much because they weren 't dress appropriately . We stayed there for a couple of hours . We changed Jude into a different outfit and got some stuff to eat . I went to tI was so happy to see them all . Jude has grown so much ! He 's starting to talk and babble . He can say Mama , dada , and hot . He walks and runs pretty well . Can built up blocks and knock them down . Sleeps through the night and eats all of his food . He has just started to throw tantrums , but they last two minutes at most . His favorite show is Yo Gabba Gabba ! and he likes shoes . He looks like and acts most like Victor . He has so many physical traits that Victor has . Their eyes , their facial expressions , their swirl on the back of their head . Their both not morning people , eat almost anything , and sleep like the dead . Oh , my boys , my two favorite boys . Until next time : ) So , in my last post I talked about the " What ifs " and said that the only thing I could possibly know about the future was what kind of mother I would be . Well , I have been thinking about that a lot lately for multiple reasons . One , my neighbor just had a baby a few days ago . Two , I 've already started thinking about Jude 's birthday present . Three , I have a visit with Jude soon and that always makes me think of him more . I thought I would share my views and thoughts on parenting with you lovely folks ( because I know you all care so much ) . Really though , I 'm doing this more for my self , so that when I 'm like 30 and really do have my own kids , I can read this and either see that I stuck with my views or laugh at my younger naive self . Lets make some assumptions though because I have no REAL idea of how future me is going to be like . Lets assume that when I do have kids ; I have no monetary limit and I have a supportive husband . FURNITUREI know I need to buy things like a crib , changing table , a swing , a stroller , and a car seat . But I hate the idea of buying something that doesn 't grow with the child and after a year I would need to get rid of it because its too small . I personally think its stupid . I would buy as much as possible with the ability to grow with the child . I 'm not sure if I would want a crib , but like a small bed with a fence around it or something . I 'd use a dresser with one of those padding used in a changing table on top or the floor . There was this company that I found that I loved called Stokke . They make products that grow with the child , like their bed is made for birth until 10 yrs . old . Their high chair is made to last all stages of life , birth until death . Amazing , cool , and expensive , but if that crib / bed would last me 10 years then its worth it . Anything I couldn 't buy that would grow with the baby , I would buy second hand stuff . There is a wonderful world of Goodwill and Salvation Army out there , why not use them to full advantage ? BEHAVIORThis covers everything from sleepinCrying - I 'm a big believer in babies cry for no reason some times . Letting them cry it out sometimes is , in my mind , is ok . I mean I wouldn 't do this for twenty minutes , but for five is reasonable . If i 'm doing something like taking out the trash or taking a shower and the baby starts crying . I finish taking the trash out and I finish washing what ever I was washing , then go get the baby . Scheduling - I want this baby / kid on a somewhat flexible schedule . I want it to become more strict as he / she gets older , but not too strict . Now this is all assuming I 'm at an appropriate age to have a kid and all my ducks are in a row , so to speak . If I would have kept Jude or had another baby now , things would be totally different . I would just need to get by with whatever I can . I would have to work most of my day , buy everything second hand , and not have much help from Victor . There are too many factors to determine how I would be . I only know one thing that I would definitely do as a teen parent . If I was teen or young adult , like I am now , I would give up EVERYTHING and ALMOST any thing that would be something a typical teenager would do . As far as I 'm concerned , being a teenager is a privilege and a relatively new one at that . I lost the privilege to go out and drink , do drugs ( if I ever did do any ) , go out with friends randomly , and other teenage things , the moment the second pink line appeared . You can 't have the lifestyle of a teenager and a mom symotantiously . I love kids and definitely want at least one more in the near future , but for now I 'm happy with the life I 'm living . Lets see if ten years from now , if I still accept these parenting views or not . Authors Note : In the famous words of India Arie " Don 't be offended , this is all my opinion , ain 't nothin ' that I 'm saying law " . In other words , nothing I say is fact just my opinion . If you don 't like what I 'm saying , you can stop reading . When I gave Jude up and left the hospital , I was devistated . I literally felt a hole in my heart . A piece of me was missing from my heart and sometimes it felt like I had a hole in my chest . There was no pain . Just a hole in my chest . I could feel the skin dip down into my chest and I couldn 't feel that area where the hole was . That feeling went away though . The hole never did go away though , nor do I think it will . The feeling went away though and I could function . That feeling came back . It was random . I wasn 't sad , I just felt like I was missing something . That something wasn 't right in my life and I missed Jude . The hole in my chest came back and it stayed there for a night . I wasn 't sad . I didn 't cry . I didn 't pine for a fantasy . I just missed my birth son and wanted to hold him . The hole was gone the next morning . The hole is gone now . I wonder how long it will stay gone ? What if ? Its the big question in life . Trying to guess if the things you didn 't do are regrets or good choices . To a birth mom its a huge question . What if I had kept my baby ? Its a big thing to contemplate . I used to think about it all the time in the begging of the adoption and often during pregnancy . So many things to consider . So many things would change and be completely different . What If I had Kept Jude ? What would my life be like ? I don 't think about this question as much anymore . It crosses my mind every once in a while , usually caused by a parenting tip or opinion I read somewhere . I can 't change the past , so why think about a life that doesn 't exist ? I can 't help but wonder though and I 'm sure other Birth Moms do as well sometimes , What if ? Posted by Seriously though , I 'm every where today . UP then Down , distracted then focus , happy then sad , sexy then ugly . I 'm just one big mess . I don 't really know what to do . Its why I haven 't really wrote anything . Over the last few weeks I have been sick , got a concussion , got a guinea pig ( : D ! ) , and all sorts of other stuff . So this week , I 'm just gonna update all you all on the adoption over the last few weeks because I am clearly not sane right now . So , a couple weeks ago , I found out Katie and Greg had moved . A big surprise to me ! I was pissed , 1 / 4 of the reason because this violates our legal contract , but since they moved like two blocks away from their old house , I didn 't really care . 3 / 4 of the reason because I had sent their christmas presents to their old address . I went to the post office last week and they told me that who ever was at that house , took the package and signed for it and stuff . Greg called the new tennants at the old house and they swear they didnt get a package . Liars So I re - bought everything and I will give it to them at our next visit . I 'm super bummed I had to re - buy everything , but I cant just let Jude have no christmas present ! He 's too cute not to get anything . : P Speaking of which , our next visit will be in March some time . My dad has let me use the family beach house for my birthday ( I 'll be 21 in February ) , but the house is being used on my birthday , so I will be using it one weekend in March . I invited Katie , Greg , and Jude to stay with me while I 'm down there . They 'll probably hang out for a day or so , and I couldn 't be more excited . Other than that , nothing really else to report . Victor seems more involved in wanting to know more about Jude and enjoying looking at pictures of him . I 'm not really sure if its a phase or maybe Victor is having some emotional issues with the adoption and I just don 't know about them yet . Whatever the reason , I 'm happy he 's more involved and worried he going through something he isn 't telling me . Ok , so I just got this song like one day ago . I didn 't really listen to it , but I like Jason Mraz a lot so I knew I would like this song . I just listened to it like a half an hour ago in the car , and ( I shit you not ) I was almost in tears . I was trying so hard not to cry because I was on my way to see Victor for the first time in a month and I didn 't want him to see me like that . So I held it together , but Oh My Goodness this song reminded me so much of the adoption ! It reminded me of my feels during the adoption , my feelings now , and how much I wonder what kind of relationship Jude and I will have in the future . Its just like . . . . Wow . I 'm 24 years old . Im married to my middle school sweet heart . Im a California girl living in the Midwest . I have a Bachelors in Social Work , but no work yet . I am a birth mom and my husband is a birth dad . Together we placed a beautiful boy , named Jude , with a wonderful family . Im sarcastic , nerdy , and blunt . Fell free to ask me anything or say anything . View my complete profile |
Today I went to the grocery store to pick up just a few things . I had a couple shopping bags and a gallon jug of milk . I 'd brought along a cloth shopping bag for Isaac , and when we got home , I sat in the car and repacked the items from one of the plastic shopping bags from the store in the cloth shopping bag for Isaac to carry . I got Isaac out of the car and held out the bag , saying , " Take it , " and he did . He seemed unhappy with his grip on it , though , because he then set it down in the snow . But he picked it back up and carried it across the parking lot , into the lobby of our building , into the elevator , down the hall and into our apartment . I rewarded him with a bite of hotdog . So Isaac is now pretty good on his two new commands , " Take it " and " Carry it . " And he really loves carrying things . He just looks really proud of himself doing it . kept ranting and raving about how dogs should not be in Walmart , so they called the cops . Thank goodness , the cops actually arrested the kicking customer . Apparently there is a law in Texas against injuring a service dog . I 'm absolutely horrified , not just because someone kicked a dog for no reason , but because something like this can potentially cause irreparable damage to a dog 's ability to work as a service dog . He could become too fearful to work in public . Or , if he had bitten the kicking customer in response to being kicked ( which would Edited to add : The service dog was seen by a vet and is not seriously injured . He has to take it easy for a week and is on pain medication . It 's too soon to know how he will be affected emotionally . If he becomes too fearful in stores or if he reacts to strangers in a suspicious manner , he could be unable to continue working . There are people that have had that experience . I 've talked to a couple people who had service dogs that were attacked by other dogs ( not service dogs ) and essentially developed PTSD or something similar and were unable to continue working as service dogs because they were frightened or felt threatened when they saw other dogs and responded accordingly . I think about how loving and trusting Isaac is and about how bewildered and frightened and hurt he would be if someone kicked him like that . Good grief , he was horribly offended when Mike 's cat Indigo swatted him on the nose and I am pretty sure that did not hurt at all . I imagine if someone kicked Isaac in a store , he would get as close to me as possible for protection , which is pretty much what he did when Indigo swatted him . He came running to me to save him . I feel certain he wouldn 't bite or respond in an aggressive manner . But how would it affect him emotionally ? It 's hard to say . Isaac was always a bit wary of Indigo after she swatted him but he was not afraid of other cats . And he seems to recover quickly from things . For instance , I once cut one of his nails too short and it must have hurt because he yelped , and it also bled like crazy , and I was afraid he would be scared of getting his nails cut after that , but he wasn 't . He doesn 't really like getting his nails cut but he didn 't like it before that time , either . I feel like it 's difficult to explain how devastating something like this could be . If Isaac was injured , whether physically or emotionally , and was therefore unable to continue working in public , I would be faced with a heart - wrenching decision . I would have to decide whether to get another service dog , but here 's the heart - wrenching part . I could not afford to care for two dogs . Caring for Isaac is a strain on my budget . He is definitely worth the strain , but it would be impossible to come up with the money to care for a second dog . I also live in a small apartment and don 't have room for two dogs , plus my apartment complex has a one pet rule and I already got special permission to have Cayenne in addition to Isaac . In order to get another service dog , I would have to re - home Isaac . This has been on my mind all day and I am pretty sure I would just have to do without a service dog in order to keep Isaac . And it could be possible that he could still do tasks for me at home , just not in public . And honestly , he does more for me at home than out in public anyway . For some people , it would be the opposite . For instance , a blind person would rely on a guide dog much more out in public than in the home . So at least I could manage more easily than some people without a service dog when I go places . But it would be hard . If I did decide I needed another service dog , I would have to raise the funds for it , and if it happened at this point in time , I imagine that would be really difficult since everyone I know has already donated as much as they can for Isaac . I would find it really hard to raise another $ 5000 . Of course , it would likely be a year at least before I could get another service dog . There are long waiting lists . I think there should be laws in every state , with very stiff penalties , for injuring a service dog . Of course , I think there should be laws with stiffer penalties than currently exist for any kind of animal cruelty . But injuring a service dog is a crime on a whole other level , I think . Today Isaac and I made a quick trip to the grocery store . It was really , really cold but the roads were finally decent . I guess most people were staying in , though , because the store was practically empty . I also found a lot of perishable food items , like yogurt , marked down . I guess because of the weather and bad roads , they hadn 't been selling as much as they normally do . So I bought lots of cheap yogurt . As I was shopping , I noticed how easy it is to shop with Isaac now . Maybe that seems obvious , like why would I have a service dog with me if it didn 't make shopping easier , but it hasn 't always been that way . For a long time , having Isaac with me made shopping easier in some ways and harder in other ways . Simply figuring out how to hold the leash and push the cart at the same time took me forever and trying to push a cart with one hand is definitely not easy . Keeping an eye on Isaac to make sure he wasn 't sniffing things he isn 't supposed to sniff while at the same time watching where I 'm pushing the cart ( sometimes with one hand ) while also looking at my shopping list and looking for items on the shelves that are on my list , well , I didn 't have enough hands or eyes for all that . Do you know what a hypnic jerk is ? No , it 's not a particular type of rude or annoying person . It 's that full - body jerk that sometimes happens as you are dropping off to sleep , usually accompanied or immediately preceded by a feeling of falling . Often , it wakes you up and then it takes time to settle back down and drop off to sleep again . Well , I 've been having those hypnic jerks a lot lately . I think it may be a side effect of either my pain medication or my muscle relaxer . It really sucks because not only does it wake me up when I already have enough trouble sleeping , but it frequently causes a muscle spasm in my back , which is really painful . Also , today my hips were hurting a lot . They actually feel OK now but earlier , they were feeling bad . This is the first time they 've hurt this much . That bothers me . I feel like things are getting worse and worse . First it was my right elbow , then it was my left knee , too , and now my hips . And my right arm is getting really bad , whatever it is that 's wrong with it . Besides hurting a lot every time I move it , and besides the raw / irritated / burning feeling I frequently have on my elbow , and besides the bruised feeling I have in my right forearm , I feel like I have less strength in than I used to . I am having trouble doing things like opening jars and childproof pill bottles . Although it 's hard to say for sure whether I 'm having trouble because it 's painful to do those things or because my arm is too weak . I don 't know . Posted by Getting to the pharmacy and back was an adventure . I guess that 's a positive way to say it . Or I could say it was a pain in the ass . That 's probably a more accurate way to say it . It snowed a lot overnight and all morning . It was very windy and there were huge snow drifts . Well , I guess not that huge , at least not compared to some parts of the U . S . right now , but there were snow drifts that came up to my knees . One of these drifts was in my parking lot . Not in the middle of the parking lot , but blocking the part of the parking lot where you would walk from the sidewalk into the parking lot . The snow removal people had apparently come , plowed the middle of the parking lot , waded through the knee - deep snow to get to the sidewalk , shoveled the sidewalk and left . WTF ? So Isaac and I waded through the snow ( Isaac didn 't mind it ) , I knocked the snow off my car , and we were off . The roads are bad . My county is currently under a level two snow emergency , which means you should stay off the roads unless you really need to go somewhere . Well , I really needed to get my meds . I picked up the meds with no trouble and then drove home . There is a short hill , not terribly steep , that you have to drive up to get into the parking lot of my building . There was snow and ice on the hill and my car could not make it up the hill . I tried several times . I ended up having to park in the lot of the building that is behind mine . I tried to get Isaac to carry my meds from the car back to my apartment and he refused to take the shopping bag from me . I have no clue why . I was cold and getting frustrated so I just carried it myself . I didn 't need him to carry it , I just wanted to give him practice doing it . When I got home , I called the property manager to inform him that his snow removal people suck . He said he would call them . He said he guessed he needed to be more clear with them about the areas they are supposed to shovel . I mean , you 'd think it would be common sense that people need to be able to get from the sidewalk to the parking lot , but I guess not . There is no way any of my neighbors that use wheelchairs or walkers could get through that much snow , by the way . Isaac and I were able to wade through it , but a wheelchair would not make it . So much for accessibility . Then I got out the pill bottles and realized that for some reason my doctor only called in ten days worth of meds . Seriously ? So we get to have all this fun again in just ten days ? I 'm kind of mad but it also makes me feel exhausted . It was a pain in the ass getting these meds refilled . I don 't wanna have to go through all that again in just ten days . I had a plan . Pick up meds at the pharmacy , get gas , pick up milk and tomato soup at the dollar store , then go to the food pantry to get produce . The local food pantry I go to has produce once a month . Last month I got about a hundred organic bananas . Well , OK , it was just a dozen or so . But that 's a lot for one person . I also got corn on the cob , oranges , yogurt and cottage cheese . I know , yogurt and cottage cheese are not produce . But I got yogurt last month and the month before and I was hoping to get more today . I was also hoping for apples . So I went to the pharmacy , where I found my doctor had failed to call in refills for my Tramadol and Flexeril , and where the pharmacy tech tried to charge me a copay for my Miralax , when I think Medicaid should have paid that copay for me . I asked the pharmacy tech why Medicaid didn 't pay it and she said they paid for more of the cost . I said no , that would have been Medicare that paid for most of it . Medicare is my primary , Medicaid is my secondary . Shouldn 't she know that Medicare and Medicaid are not the same things ? Surely she has many other customers that have Medicare and Medicaid . So she said she 'd bill Medicaid and I said I 'd call my doctor 's office and come back later . On the way to the gas station , I called the doctor 's office . I spoke with his medical assistant who said , " I think he 's working on those refills today . " What does that mean ? I have no clue what that means . What is there to work on ? It 's a phone call to the pharmacy . Might take 90 seconds . So I asked her what that meant and pointed out that I will be out of those meds at the end of the day . Now , I called about those refills on Wednesday , two days before I would run out . I thought two days seemed like ample time for someone at the doctor 's office to find 90 seconds to make a quick phone call . I didn 't call sooner than that because I figured they would not want to call in refills if I still have a lot of pills left . Plus , I figured my insurance wouldn 't pay for the refills if I tried to get them too soon . And then I panicked . What if they didn 't call in the refills ? I started thinking of how much pain I 'd be in all weekend . My right arm started hurting more just thinking about it . I recognized that , I realized that my anxiety was going to make the pain worse . I cried a little bit . I took some anxiety meds . I reminded myself that the anticipation of pain makes pain worse . I reminded myself that the pain wasn 't too bad right then so I needed to focus on that , not on how much it might hurt later . Then I went to the food pantry and found they were closed . There was a sign on the gate that said , " Sorry we are closed today . " I have no clue why . I was there Monday for my regular groceries and the woman at the desk reminded me that Friday was produce day . I was really disappointed . I had been really looking forward to the yogurt I hoped I would get . And I was counting on that food . Before I set out to do my errands I had carefully planned what to get at the dollar store and how much gas to put into my car , because money is that tight right now . You know , I was working out , well , I have $ 7 available on my credit card and $ 12 in my checking account and $ 9 left on this gift card , so I can use the credit card for the gas and with the gift card I can buy two gallons of milk and two cans of tomato soup and a package of dog treats for Isaac , like that . No produce at the food pantry totally messed up my plan . Shortly after I got home , the MA from the doctor 's office called and said the refills would be called in by the end of the day . I plan to go back to the pharmacy tomorrow . Hopefully it 's all been taken care of . It was a rotten day . Isaac 's favorite toy is his pickle . I don 't like it much myself because he gets it so disgustingly slimy . But I think it 's cute how much he loves it . I can 't remember what sparked my interest in getting a service dog . I think I must have come across something online about psychiatric service dogs , but I can 't recall what it was exactly . Prior to that , I hadn 't realized that dogs could be trained to perform tasks to mitigate a disability like PTSD . I was vaguely familiar with the idea of emotional support animals but didn 't understand how they differed from service dogs . Once I become curious about it , I dove in . I always do that with things . I am good at research and I read everything I can get my hands on about a subject and find people with more knowledge and experience than I have to talk to and learn from . I remember visiting my sister sometime shortly after I 'd become interested in getting a service dog and talking to her about it . I don 't remember exactly when that was but I started this blog in May of 2012 and it was sometime before then . She teased me , saying I should get a service monkey . It was a friendly kind of teasing , though . She was interested in the idea and she also said she thought she 'd like to get a puppy . Which she did , before I got Isaac , but she didn 't keep it long . It was a lot of work , imagine that . I know I 'm lucky that I was able to get a service dog as quickly as I did . I had no idea two years ago that two years from then I 'd be sitting in my own apartment with a wonderful service dog named Isaac . I had no idea how much my life would change . I 've been reading this wonderful blog and it 's got me thinking a lot about accessibility . And today I had one of those light bulb moments . You know what I mean ? Suddenly something seemed so obvious it was hard to belief it just now occurred to me . But somehow I missed it until now . Today I was talking Isaac out to pee . I opened my front door and a sheet of paper fluttered to the floor . The property manager here sends out notices about various things on a fairly regular basis . Today 's notice was about the severe cold and what we should do to keep pipes from freezing . When he , or his assistant , or one of the maintenance guys distribute these notices , they wedge them between the door and the door frame . When you open the door , the paper drops to the floor . There 's no way it won 't . Now , I have a really hard time bending over to pick things up . Fortunately I have a service dog and he is happy to pick up these papers for me . If I didn 't have Isaac , I would probably just leave the notices on the floor for the maintenance people to pick up . The property manager knows I can 't bend over to pick up these notices . I know he knows , because once he was out in the hallway when I opened the door and one fell to the floor , and he asked if I wanted him to get it for me . I told him no , thank you , but Isaac would do it . But why does continue to stick notices in my door like that when he knows I can 't pick them up ? So today I took the notice from Isaac , put it in my kitchen , and took Isaac out for his walk . On our way out , I noticed a paper on the floor in front of one of my neighbor 's doors . She is 80 years old , uses a walker , and looks pretty frail . And I thought , " Hey , I bet she has a hard time picking up those notices off the floor ! " And then I thought of some of my other neighbors , like the one that wears leg braces and uses a cane and the man that uses a wheelchair and only has limited use of his arms and hands , and I thought , " Hey , I bet they have a hard time picking up those notices , too ! " So after Isaac peed and we came back inside , I called up the property manager . He probably expects these kinds of calls from me by now . I told him how , if I didn 't have Isaac to pick up the notices for me , I would just be leaving them on the floor . Then I mentioned some of my neighbors I thought would have trouble picking them up , too , and pointed out that they don 't have an Isaac to pick up things for them . On the gastric bypass forum on which I participate , someone asked a question about whether or not Medicaid would pay for blood tests . I responded , saying that Medicaid in Ohio has always paid for my blood work but that Medicaid differs somewhat from state to state . Someone else posted , saying , " WOW , so i could get surgery , labs , meds , vitamins , protein drinks all covered ! ! can i also get the plastics covered to ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! may have to look into how to get this , i have BCBS . " child so that I developed severe PTSD . So go get sexually assaulted a whole bunch of times and then spend lots of time on locked psych wards taking medications with horrible side effects . Do that for about 12 years . Try to work and keep a job during all that time . Try to kill yourself a couple times in there , because the flashbacks are so horrible . Have nightmares almost every night . Then have your psychiatrist and psychologist both recommend you apply for disability . Quit your job . Go the the social security office and fill out a bunch of paperwork . Move in with a sympathetic friend while you wait five months to find out if you will get SSDI or not , because you have no income and can 't afford to pay your rent . Then , when you start getting SSDI , go apply for Medicaid . There is a forum I participate on for people that have had weight loss surgery . Tonight I read a post from someone that had weight loss surgery several years ago and now has to have surgery again to repair a hernia . She was advised to wear an abdominal binder afterward and posted to ask for advice about where to get one . If possible , she said , she would like one that she could wear under her clothes because she doesn 't want to look like a mental patient . Well . I have been a mental patient . Many times , in fact . In many different mental hospitals . Well , OK , most were not mental hospitals , they were general hospitals with psychiatric wards , but two of them were psychiatric hospitals . That 's all they did . Anyway . I have been a mental patient and I never wore an abdominal binder of any kind when I was in a mental hospital . None of the other patients wore abdominal binders , either , as far as I knew . Which is what I said in my reply to her . Now , I know what she meant . She meant that she doesn 't want to look odd or abnormal . She doesn 't really think mental patients wear abdominal binders , nor does she think that people might think she is wearing an abdominal binder because she has schizophrenia or PTSD or bipolar disorder . But . . . I think she probably thinks mental patients look odd or abnormal . Or maybe she doesn 't just think they look odd or abnormal , maybe she thinks they are odd or abnormal . If she didn 't think that , why would she suggest she would look like a mental patient if she wore an abdominal binder ? Her question had nothing to do with mental health . Nothing to do with mental illness . Why stick that little jab in there about how mental patients are weird ? It was unnecessary . She probably didn 't mean to be cruel , but it is cruel to suggest that mental patients look abnormal . It is cruel to say she wants to make sure she is never mistaken for one . Isaac and I were coming back in from a walk and a couple of my neighbors were sitting in the community room which is right by the elevator . Isaac has discovered that now that it is so cold out , people do not hang out on the patio anymore . During the summer , he always wanted to head to the patio whenever we went outside to check out who was there . Now that it 's cold , he has discovered that people sometimes gather in the community room and he always wants to stick his head in there to see who is there . This one particular neighbor really loves Isaac . She lets him kiss her on the face . She loves it . Isaac is not a particularly kissy dog , which is OK with me , but he kisses her . She is an older woman and I 'm not sure but I think she might be in the early stages of some sort of dementia or maybe she has some serious mental illness going on . About half of what she says does not make much sense and I can 't tell if she thinks it makes sense or if she 's just making up stories or what . She is very nice , though . Another neighbor told us he 'd heard that someone that lives nearby lost their yellow lab a few days ago but that they finally found it . The neighbor that loves Isaac said , " Oh , I would feel so bad if something happened to Isaac . I would feel terribly if I couldn 't see him at least once a day . " Then she said , " Sometimes I feel scared . " And I bet she does . Sometimes she tells me that people have been trying to break into her apartment , stuff like that , which I feel pretty certain is not true . I don 't know if she 's delusional and thinks people are trying to break in when they aren 't or what . I know everyone feels scared sometimes but if she really believes some of the stories she tells me , I bet she is scared a lot . In the past , I typically sat on one end of the couch and Cayenne sat / lay / slept / lived on the other end . Her end is covered with disposable puppy pee pad with a soft blanket on top of them . Except when she pees on both her blankies and then she gets to sleep on a towel until I get around to doing laundry . On the floor in front of Cayenne 's end of the couch were more puppy pads covered with towels . Beside my end of the couch is a two - drawer file cabinet that I use like an end table . My pain meds were kept there , Isaac 's treat jar was kept there , a drink was usually there . My computer mouse was on the arm of the couch and in front of my end of the couch was the coffee table . Why was the coffee table only in front of my end of the couch ? Well , it wasn 't centered right because I didn 't want to put it on the puppy pads in front of Cayenne 's end of the couch . I didn 't want to have to move the coffee table every time I changed puppy pads ( which is at least once a day , sometimes more , sometimes lots more ) and I didn 't really want her to pee on the legs of the coffee table , either . But my right arm hurts . It hurts a lot . Picking up a full glass of tea with that arm has become pretty difficult . And the arm of the couch , which seemed like the perfect place for my mouse just a couple of months ago , now seems a little too high . Holding my arm at that angle hurts . So I decided that Cayenne and I needed to switch ends of the couch for a little bit to see how that worked for me . She immediately switched to her new end as soon as I put her blanket there . I put my mouse on a pillow beside me , put my drink on the really wide windowsill just to the left of where I would sit , and moved Cayenne 's puppy pads a little to the left ( hopefully she 'll continue peeing on them , I hate to do anything that might cause her to pee on the carpet ) so I could move the coffee table a bit so I can still rest my feet on it . I think this will work . I think it will be good . The only negative I can think of right now is that Cayenne will have to march over me every time she wants to get to her food and water , which are kept on the windowsill ( they are there because it 's easier for her to go from couch to windowsill and back than to go from couch to floor and back , and because they are in a place where I can easily see Isaac whenever he decides he wants to sneak a bite of cat food ) . I don 't think Cayenne will mind . I might , though . Isaac now loves carrying a cloth shopping bag with something in it . Loves it . Today we walked over to the rental office to drop something off . It 's not a very long walk , but I thought it might be too long for Isaac to carry the bag , so I planned to carry it part of the way , then give it to him to carry the rest of the way . Isaac did not like my plan , however . It seems he thinks carrying that bag is his job . He kept trying to take it out of my hand . On our way home , I let him carry it the whole way and he seemed quite happy to be carrying it . He walked at a good pace and his head was held high and his tail was wagging like crazy . I think tomorrow we 'll try it with a different bag . I don 't want him to think he can only carry that one bag , that that 's his special bag , and not be able to carry other bags if I need him to . Although the idea has occurred to me to make a special bag just for him . Maybe one that zips , to make sure nothing falls out if he drops it . Maybe with a handle similar to the bag my meds are in , because that bag is really easy for him to grab . First , Isaac has mastered carrying items in a cloth shopping bag and he loves doing it . This evening I took the bag with us when I took him out to pee and then gave it to him to carry back inside . He carried it to our apartment , when I took it from him and rewarded him with a treat . I put the bag on the kitchen counter and went and sat down on the couch with my laptop . Isaac went into the kitchen and returned with the shopping bag , which he 'd gotten off the counter , and presented the bag to me . I think he was hoping for another treat . He used to do that with my meds a lot , just bring them to me at random times . He quit doing that long ago , though . It 's unusual for Isaac to get anything off the counter . He does not counter surf , for which I am grateful . Occasionally he 's gotten one of his toys off the counter , like after I 've washed it and it 's sitting by the sink . But anyway , he can now carry a cloth shopping bag and he very much likes doing it . Second , I just realized a few minutes ago that my pain has been at a very tolerable level today . I don 't know why , I don 't know what 's different about today . I 'd like to know so I could do it again tomorrow . But for now I 'll just enjoy it . It 's not that I 'm pain - free , but today the pain is like background noise , not too difficult to tune out , whereas many days it 's like a really loud alarm clock that you 'd like to hit with a sledge hammer , only there is no off button . Posted by Yesterday I wrote about training Isaac to carry in groceries for me . A reader suggested having him carry things in a cloth bag rather than a plastic one because it would be sturdier and his teeth wouldn 't tear the bag . I would like him to be able to carry a plastic bag because I may need him to carry stuff some time when I don 't have a cloth bag available , but I decided to try the cloth bag for now . Once he 's able to do that well , we 'll try a plastic bag again . Today , several different times , I gave him the shopping bag with something light in it , like a small bottle of lotion . I had him carry it from the living room to the kitchen or from the kitchen to the living room . He got lots of praise and a treat each time . We probably did that ten times today , but not all at once . It was spread out over the whole day . Also , I had him carry my hat from the lobby into the elevator , then down the hall to our apartment each time we went out to pee . He got lots of praise and a treat for that , too . A few times , he got a piece of hot dog for he reward . The last two times I took him outside , I gave him the shopping bag in the lobby and had him carry it into the elevator and then down the hall to our apartment . The second time , we got off the elevator and saw one of our neighbors in the hall . Isaac likes her a lot and she likes him . Usually when he sees her , Isaac wants to get petted for a long time . He does this thing where he sits on her foot and leans against her . He does that to me sometimes , too . I think it 's sweet , but this neighbor uses a cane and I don 't think she has great balance and sometimes I worry that Isaac 's going to lean against her too hard and knock her over . There is a handrail in the hallway , though , and usually when she sees Isaac she braces herself against the handrail so she has her hands free to pet him . Anyway . We saw her and Isaac 's tail began wagging hard and he kind of wiggled all over . I told him to give me the shopping bag so he could say hi to her . He gave it up reluctantly . He let her pet him for about five seconds , then began trying to take the shopping bag from my hand . I gave it back to him and he trotted happily down the hall . He picked carrying the bag over getting petted by our neighbor . Usually the only thing he will pick over socializing with people he likes is food . This morning I tried to think about when the last time I could move my right arm without pain in the elbow . I can 't remember . I think it 's been a few months . I recall that the day after Christmas was when I schedule my appointment with the rheumatologist , and that was after I 'd waited a week or so for the rheumatologist 's staff to contact me about an appointment . Before that , I 'd had some x - rays and lab work done , and that was about a week after I 'd seen my primary care physician . So I probably saw him sometime in early to mid - December . And I 'd been having pain for at least a month before that . So probably it 's been two months at least . There comes a time , I guess , when you realize pain is probably not going to go away . I don 't wake up anymore and move my arm to test to see if it hurts today or not . It hurts every day . Now , my left knee , that I stretch and flex to see if it hurts and how much . It usually hurts a lot when I first wake up . But the pain usually gets better after I 'm up and moving around . Not so with my right arm . Of course , that 's the way it is with my back . It 's been about a year since I 've slept through the night without back pain waking me at least once . It 's been about a year since I could bend without pain , without having to worry about whether or not I could get back up again . I 've gotten used to living with the back pain . Sometimes the pain gets worse and I feel I can 't bear it any longer but most of the time , it hurts and I don 't like it but I 've accepted it . And I 've adapted to it . Isaac picks up my keys when I drop them in the parking lot . He picks up the dish towel when I drop it in the kitchen . He picks up the mouse when I knock it off the arm of my couch . I put the food I eat the most on the top shelf in the fridge and do not put anything in the vegetable drawers on the bottom - it 's too hard to get things out of those drawers . There are two washing machines in the laundry room here but I only use the top loading machine because it 's too hard to bend over to use the front loader . When I have two loads , I do them one at a time , both in the top loading machine . Now that there is snow on the ground , I keep my winter boots beside the couch , so I can put them on while I 'm sitting down , because it 's too hard to stand up and then bend over to zip them up . I 've changed the way I do things , I 've rearranged my home , all to accommodate my back pain . I have not yet done this with regard to my right arm . But I 'm starting to think about it . Starting to consider how I might rearrange things to accommodate an arm that hurts to bend , that hurts to lift a glass of water to take a drink , that hurts to hold a brush and brush my hair . Do you know how hard it is to brush your hair with your non - dominant hand ? It 's ridiculously hard . But I 've thought that I probably need to learn to do it . I 've thought about rearranging things in my living room , so that I can keep my drink to the left of me instead of on the end table to the right of the couch . Now , sometimes I reach across myself with my left hand to pick up the glass , but that 's awkward and inconvenient . I 've thought about rearranging my living room but I haven 't actually done it yet . I don 't really know why not . Maybe I just don 't want to have to . Maybe I don 't want to say OK , this arm thing is going to be permanent . It 's going to dictate which end of the couch I sit on , where I put an end table , where I put my drink . Someone suggested to me that I should train Isaac to help me carry in groceries . He should be able to carry a plastic shopping bag with up to three pounds of groceries in it . Much of the time , I don 't really need his help carrying in groceries . If I only have a bag or two , I can carry them . If I have a lot of groceries , there is a cart that is kept in the lobby of my building that tenants can use to bring items in . However , sometimes I have more stuff than I can easily carry myself but not so much that I want to mess with getting the cart . At those times , it would be great if Isaac could carry a shopping bag . Even if he carried my purse , that would help . Plus it 's fun to teach Isaac things and Isaac likes learning and likes doing jobs . A couple days ago , I picked up a few things at the dollar store . I had a gallon of milk and two plastic shopping bags . Before getting out of my car , I rearranged the items in the shopping bags so that one bag only had a couple things in it and was pretty light . Then I tied the handles of the bag together so stuff wouldn 't fall out and there would be a big knot for Isaac to easily hold on it . I got out of the car and Isaac got out of the car and I attempted to hand him the shopping bag I meant for him to carry . He was baffled . He picks up all sorts of items and gives them to me , including plastic shopping bags if I drop one on the ground or something , but I do not usually give those items to him . I give him other items , like toys , but not shopping bags . He didn 't understand what I wanted him to do . I ended up putting the bag on the ground and telling him to " Get it . " I think he was relieved to be asked to do something he understood and he picked it up very fast , with great enthusiasm . So much enthusiasm , in fact , that he then shook it ferociously . Which caused the bag to rip and the items in it to fall out on the ground . Sigh . I decided Isaac needed to learn a command that would tell him to take whatever I was giving to him . So every time he brought me his pickle , I stuffed a small treat in one of the grooves and handed it back to him , saying , " Take it . " I said , " Take it , " every time I gave him a toy or a treat . I did that all day yesterday and all day today and this evening I held out my hat to him and said , " Take it , " and he did . I praised him enthusiastically and that got him all excited so he dropped the hat , but then he picked it up for me . I also decided to have him start practicing carrying things . When he retrieves things for me , he sometimes carries them a little way . For instance , he gets my medication and will bring it to me anywhere in the apartment , so sometimes he carries that from one room to another . With most things , though , he just picks them up and gives them to me right away . There have been a few occasions , though , when he 's carried something kind of a long way . A couple of times when I 've been taking him outside for a walk , he 's had a toy in his mouth and didn 't want to put it down , so I let him take it outside with him . And he carried that quite a while . He has also been known to pick up discarded bags from fast food restaurants that he finds beside the road on walks and carry those quite a while . So he 's not opposed to carrying things . He just doesn 't do it very often . So starting yesterday , I started having him carry things from the elevator down the hall to our apartment . I wasn 't asking him to take things from me yet , so I dropped whatever I wanted him to carry on the floor and told him to " get it . " Then , when he picked it up , instead of taking it for him I told him " Carry it . " He carried my hat several times and carried a piece of mail once . Tomorrow I 'm going to try giving him a grocery bag with something light in it . I 'll hold it out to him and tell him to " take it , " then reward him . After he does that a few times , I 'll have him carry it across the room . Once he 's doing that well , I 'll have him carry the grocery bag from the elevator to our apartment . Then we 'll move on to carrying it from the lobby , up in the elevator , and to the apartment . In a few days , we should be ready to carry a bag in from the car . As you 've probably noticed , people and dogs do not speak the same language . Dogs communicate with each other primarily with body language but they also make sounds to communicate . They are not native English speakers , however . Unfortunately , people are not born knowing how to speak doggie . As often happens when people that speak different languages , sometimes misunderstandings occur when people and dogs have trouble communicating . Knowing how to communicate with a dog is very important if you 're going to train the dog to do something . There are a number of things that I know Isaac would be capable of doing but he can 't do them at this moment because I haven 't communicated the idea to him . For instance , Isaac turns on lights , but he is not trained to turn them off . I don 't need him to turn them off , I can do that myself , so his trainer did not train him to turn them off . He could turn them off , though . I can 't just point at the light switch and tell him to turn them off , though . because he would not understand what I was saying . There have been several times in our relationship that I have wanted Isaac to do something and he wasn 't doing it and I got frustrated and felt like he wasn 't cooperating with me . Then I realized it wasn 't that he did not want to do the task , he wasn 't refusing to do it . He didn 't understand what I wanted . And that is not his fault . If I want to tell him to do something , I need to tell him in a way that he can understand . Something I want to train Isaac to do is to curl up in a small space . That 's important sometimes when I 'm out and about with him . If we eat at restaurant with small tables , for instance , he needs to fit himself under that small table , and make sure his feet or his tail is not sticking out where people could step on him or trip over him , and make sure there is still enough room for the people eating at that table to put their feet down . Someone suggested having his lie down and curl up in a box , because the sides of the box would require him to curl up . She recommended starting with a pretty big box and then moving to a smaller box once he got the hang of it . Well , I tried that the other day . Isaac did not understand what I wanted him to do . When I point at the bathtub and say " Get in " he gets in , so that 's what I did with the box . He just looked confused . Then he picked up the box and tried to give it to me . I put the box between us and told him to come to me . He did , but not by stepping into the box . He walked around the box . I put the box between the couch and the coffee table , so there was no room to walk about it , and tried again . He walked around the coffee table to approach me from the other side . I was finally able to get him to put his front feet in the box but that was it . He just didn 't understand what I wanted . I came across an interesting idea today in an article about indoor games to play with your dog . The idea is to play fetch with your dog on the stairs . You sit at the bottom of the stairs and throw a toy up the steps . You dog runs up and gets the toy and brings it back to you . The reason you throw the toy up the steps instead of down is that dogs will usually run faster to get the toy than they do when bringing the toy back to you . Running up steps is safer for dogs than running down steps . If the dog goes racing down the steps after a toy , he might fall and hurt himself . I love this idea . Isaac and I do play fetch in my apartment but there is not much room to run , really . But there are stairs in the building and Isaac actually likes stairs for some reason . I think it 's just because he likes to be physically active but I 'm not sure . I just know he enjoys going up and down steps . Most of my neighbors use the elevator most of the time ( I do , too ) . So we wouldn 't likely bother anyone by playing fetch on the stairs . I think Isaac would like that a lot . It would be a good way to burn off some energy on a day he can 't get outside much . I wonder how many times he 'd have to run up the stairs before he got tired . Last night , I went to the grocery store . I usually shop during the day but I didn 't feel like it all day but then I decided I really needed some food , so I went about 7 : 00 pm . There were about a million little kids at the store . Shouldn 't they be home getting ready for bed or something at 7 : 00 pm ? Well , they weren 't . They were all at Kroger . That means toddlers were loudly squealing , " Doggie ! Doggie ! Doggie ! " everywhere Isaac and I went . That usually doesn 't bother me much . Little kids don 't know better and they love animals and they just get excited when they see a doggie in the store . But there was a lot of squealing going on . Also , for the first time since I got Isaac more than a year ago , I had a kid come up and start to pet him without asking . Adults do that fairly often but kids always ask . Except last night . This kid was probably five or six and he was with his mom ( I 'm assuming she was his mom , anyway ) and two other little boys . They kind of reminded me of my nephews when they were little . They were hanging off the shopping cart and climbing on the shelves in the store and that sort of thing . So one of them started to pet Isaac and his brother , who looked to be about seven or eight , yelled at him , " You 're not supposed to pet that dog , you dummy ! " I 'm not sure if the kid knew you weren 't supposed to pet service dogs or if he was just reading the patch on Isaac 's vest . Either way , he was right and his brother did quickly withdraw his hand . Then he turned around and smacked his brother upside the head . Today I read this blog post and it got me thinking . Well , first it got me feeling really glad I 'm not physically disabled , or not more physically disabled than I already am , I mean . My back problems might be considered a physical disability but I can walk and I can get around in most situations . Sometimes I have trouble reaching certain items , like things on the lower shelves in the grocery store , but I never have to worry about whether or not I can even get into the store . The blogger of the post I read was talking about how he stayed at a hotel that claimed to be wheelchair accessible , but in fact was only partially accessible . While there was room for a wheelchair to maneuver in the bedroom and bathroom , the towel rack and thermostat were too high for someone sitting in a wheelchair to reach them . What is the point in having a wheelchair accessible bathroom if the person using that bathroom can 't get a towel ? Finally , he wanted to visit the hotel bar for a drink but the bar was not wheelchair accessible . He then asked to buy a beer to take back to his room but was told he was not allowed to take beer out of the bar . Of course , he was not even in the bar to begin with , since it was not wheelchair accessible . I think it was probably illegal for them to refuse to sell him a beer to drink in his room since the bar was not accessible , but refuse him they did . Now , accessibility varies depending on the needs of the individual . It can be almost impossible to create a space that is accessible to absolutely everyone . For instance , in the laundry room at my apartment building , there are two washing machines . One is a top loading machine and one is a front loading machine . The front loading machine is not accessible to me because you have to bend over to put clothes in and get clothes out and I can 't bend that much . However , the top loading machine is not accessible to my neighbors that use wheelchairs . They can 't reach into the top loading machine to get clothes out while sitting in a wheelchair . That 's why the property manager installed one of each , trying to accommodate the different needs of different tenants . I realize that it 's not reasonable to expect every hotel room everywhere to be accessible to every single person on the planet . But let 's use a little common sense . Let 's not install stairs leading to the wheelchair lift . I can hardly imagine how frustrated I would be if I was traveling and had so many accessibility issues at hotels . You know how I hate to ask for help . WTF would I do if I couldn 't even reach the towels in the bathroom ? This evening he was busy gnawing on a chicken - flavored rawhide chew ( and yes , I know rawhide isn 't the best thing for dogs , but he gets it once in a while ) and dropped something on the floor and needed him to pick it up for me . In the past , I would often not ask Isaac to pick up something if he was really involved with a chew or toy . And if I did ask him to interrupt his chewing to do a task for me , he didn 't always do it . Or I had to take away the chew or toy in order to get him to do the task . This evening , I called him , he picked up the chew and brought it with him , but came right to me . And when I told him what I needed him to pick up for me , he put down the chew , picked up the item , gave it to me , and went back to his chew . I gave him a treat , which he gulped down , and then he continued gnawing on the rawhide . of the cutest things about Isaac ( well , OK , I think almost everything about him is cute , but this is super cute , really ) is how he likes to show people his toys when they come over . A total stranger can come to my door and Isaac is delighted to see him , whoever he is , and will invite the stranger to pet him . Then he will run back into the house , pick out a toy and present it to the stranger . When we lived with Mike , when he came home from work . If Isaac had gotten a new toy or bone or chew that day , he would always take Mike the new toy to admire . If he hadn 't gotten a new toy , he would just pick one of his favorites and show that to Mike . He usually won 't actually give the toy to the person , though , although he sometimes gives one to me . Most of the time If Isaac presents a toy to a visitor and the visitor doesn 't show much interest in it , Isaac will put that toy down and pick up another and present it . He wants the visitor to comment on what a nice toy it is and maybe reach for it , even though he has no intention of actually allowing the visitor to take it from him . Posted by For the first few months I had him , he would retrieve random objects and bring them to me , hoping for a treat . He knew he got treats for bringing me my medication , and sometimes I asked him to bring me other things , so he would just go around the house picking up random items and depositing them in my lap . I would be sitting on the couch with my laptop and here would come Isaac , with Mike 's wallet or sunglasses , with the television remote control , with some mail he got off Mike 's desk , with a cat toy , with one of my shoes . I guess he hadn 't quite figured out why sometimes he would get a treat for retrieving my keys ( like when I dropped them and therefore told him to pick them up ) and sometimes he didn 't . He would also bring me my meds at random times , hoping to get a treat . I was talking to a friend about how Isaac got out of bed the other morning to pick up my mouse for me , and it occurred to me then that he hasn 't done the thing where he wanders around the house collecting random objects in a long time . I don 't remember when the last time he did it was . It was kind of cute but sometimes it got annoying . But he 's figured out now when I want him to pick up things and does it at the right time instead of just doing it randomly . Today I checked the mail and came back inside and sat on the couch and put the mail on the arm of the couch . Then I got busy doing something with my laptop and wasn 't paying attention to the mail and knocked it off the arm of the couch onto the floor . I didn 't need it right that minute and kept doing whatever I was doing , and then I saw Isaac . He had picked up one of the envelopes from the floor and was offering it to me . He got two treats and a " good boy ! " for that . Today Isaac and I walked over to the rental office to drop something off . It 's a very short walk , and I was bundled up like a mummy , and I was still freezing . I think the high today was two degrees , but the windchill was much colder . I thought Isaac needed to get out of the house for at least a few minutes , though . He hasn 't been able to go for a run since sometime last week . Isaac loves our property manager so he likes going to the office . He is doing so well with his prong collar , though . Usually he gets excited and wants to jump up on the property manager , but today he just sat on his feet and leaned against his legs , something he does when he really loves someone and wants to be super close . Another tenant stopped by and was telling us how much he likes labs because they are just the smartest dogs ever . I was bundling myself back up in preparation for the walk back home and I realized I 'd dropped my hat on the floor and so I told Isaac to get it for me . He acted like he was absolutely thrilled at the prospect and pounced on it and picked it up , but instead of giving it to me , he tossed it up in the air . It was funny and everyone laughed and then I told him to pick it up again and he did and that time he shook it furiously before he gave it to me . He is just so full of energy . We were almost back to our building when Isaac suddenly started limping . He didn 't want to put any weight at all on one of his front paws . I was worried and hoped he wasn 't injured . I started to look at the foot but decided since we were almost home , we should wait until we got inside so I could get a good look at it without sitting on the ground in the snow and freezing . As soon as we got in the lobby , I sat on the floor and examined his foot . I couldn 't see anything wrong with it , but there were some bits of salt from the sidewalk stuck to his foot pad and between his toes , so I thought maybe that was hurting when he stepped on it and I cleaned all four feet off . First , I cried when she wrote about how her parents immediately flew to be with her , and I thought about how last time I was admitted to the hospital , my mother stopped talking to me and un - friended me on Facebook . And I thought about how I practically had to beg for someone to please please please come with me to hospital when I had a breast biopsy because if there was no one to drive me home , I would have to be awake for the procedure . And I thought about how , when I had to have oral surgery a couple months ago , I was unable to opt for sedation during the procedure because I couldn 't afford it and because there was no one to drive me home . And I thought about how , after the oral surgery , at home alone , I lay on the couch and cried and rocked myself through the anxiety and panic and terror and flashbacks . And then I thought about how , when I was in that awful psych ward , held against my will for five days , a friend drove three hours ( and another three hours home , afterward ) just to visit me for an hour . I thought about how another friend , who lives in another state , said she was sorry she wasn 't close enough to go to the hospital with me for my biopsy and offered to pay for a cab there and back for me so I could be sedated for the procedure . The hospital was an hour away from my home , so a cab would have cost a lot . I thought about the time , 11 years ago , when I was hospitalized in a place that specializes in treating PTSD and then was discharged from the inpatient program and admitted to the partial hospitalization program , and I was saying in hotel in a city I was not at all familiar with , and was totally overwhelmed and alone . I called a friend of mine who lives in New Jersey . It was 9 : 00 at night and she said , " I 'll come and be with you . Let me go talk to my family and pack a bag . I can be on the road in less than an hour . " She drove all night from New Jersey to Michigan and stayed there with me for a week . I thought about how , a couple months ago , I posted something online in a forum for gastric bypass patients about it being hard to eat healthfully when you have to rely on food from food pantries . Someone from that forum , someone I barely know , sent me a private message and offered to help me buy some groceries . Someone else from that forum sent me a package with some vitamins , oatmeal , coffee and other stuff . Someone else asked if I would like some protein powder that she wasn 't going to use and I said sure , expecting to get a half - full tub of protein powder . Instead , I got two full tubs of vanilla protein powder and one half - full tub of vanilla and one half - full tub of chocolate . I haven 't had to buy protein powder in a couple months and shouldn 't need to for at least a couple more months . I read somewhere that adults that grow up in highly dysfunctional families often feel like no one loves them enough . They didn 't experience the unconditional love they needed as infants and small children , and no matter how much they are loved as adults , it never makes up for what they didn 't get as children . Because of that , it never seems like enough . I think that is true for me . I 've been having widespread pain for a while now , but my right elbow is really killing me . I am definitely right - handed but I need to start learning to do certain things with my left hand because my right elbow just hurts too much . It 's hard to brush my hair with my right hand . I normally sit at the right end of my couch and keep my mouse on the arm of the couch beside me . And beside the couch is an end table where I keep a drink . But using the mouse hurts my elbow . They probably make a mouse shaped for a left hand , don 't they ? And often now it is very difficult to lift a glass from the end table with my right arm . I might have to rearrange my living room so I can sit on the other end of the couch and easily pick up my drink with my left arm . So after I read that article , I paid attention to Isaac when he went potty for the rest of the day . He peed three times , all aligned in an east - west position . However , he pooped once and did position himself north - south for that . If you 're not familiar with prong collars , they are metal collars that have little prongs , sort of pointy metal pieces , that go against the dog 's neck . They are sometimes used when training dogs because you can easily correct a dog that is wearing one by tugging on the leash . That 's because if you tug kind of hard , it causes pain to the dog . If a prong collar is too tight or if it 's not used correctly , it can really hurt a dog . It can make sores on the dog 's neck . It can really hurt . Before I decided to apply for a dog from Isaac 's program , I talked to the trainer . One of the questions I asked her was what kind of collar she used with the dogs she trained . She told me she occasionally used a prong collar and went on to explain when and why she would use one . She said occasionally she used one with a dog that pulled a lot when walking on a leash because it 's fairly self - correcting . If it 's uncomfortable to pull on the leash , the dog won 't do it . And as long as the collar fits properly , the dog won 't be injured by a prong collar used in this way . The dog controls how much pull is put on the collar . She said she also sometimes uses one when working with a handler that has little arm strength . The prong collar allows the handler to control the dog with much softer movements and it 's much easier to deal with pulling and to keep the dog from taking off after a cat or squirrel . Over the past year , my back has gotten much worse . When I first got Isaac , I would try to hold onto the leash when he tried to take off after a cat or deer . A few times he got away from me anyway , but many times , I was able to keep hold of the leash . These days , I can 't . And Isaac has figured that out . I 've been having more trouble lately with him taking off when he sees something or someone he wants to chase or greet . He doesn 't do it when he 's working but he does it when we go for walks or just in the lobby of my building . It 's becoming a big problem . I think he 's doing it because he gets away with it but if I try to hold onto the leash when he tried to bolt , it triggers such incredibly painful spasms in my back that it makes me cry . I 've tried to just hold on anyway and ignore the pain , but it 's the kind of pain you cannot just ignore . Today I decided to dig out Isaac 's prong collar . I only put it on him when we were going outside . I took it off as soon as we came back in . I watched him very carefully while using it to make sure it wasn 't causing him discomfort . What I noticed is that he was much , much less likely to try to jump up on neighbors in the hallway or in the elevator . A couple of my neighbors commented on the change in his behavior , too . I 'm glad they noticed it , but on the other hand , that shows you what a problem it had become , that they would notice this and see it as a big change . It actually allowed me to be very gentle with him . Instead of holding the leash really tight and pulling on it myself when a neighbor walked by , I was able to hold the leash normally and Isaac decided not to pull . It meant taking Isaac out did not involve a wrestling match , which is what it sometimes feels like . My plan is to keep using the prong collar for a while . I hope that at some point I can stop using it and he 'll still behave like he 's been behaving with it on , but for now I 'm going to keep using it . I may decide not to use it when he 's working , since I usually don 't have trouble with him pulling or trying to change critters when he 's working . I might just use it when we go out for a recreational walk . I was really happy with how well he did with it on today , though . I have found that the lights on the tree provide just the right amount of light at night so I can sleep without having the overhead light on . Due to my PTSD , I often have trouble turning off all the lights at night . Even if I am feeling all right and am able to go to sleep with the lights off , if I have a nightmare and wake up in the dark , it 's really scary for me . Isaac can get up and turn on a light for me if that happens , which helps . But most nights , I have to sleep with a light on . The lights on the tree have been perfect , though . I can turn off the overhead light and it 's dim enough to sleep but there is enough light that my PTSD doesn 't get triggered and I feel safe and there 's no panic if I wake up in the middle of the night . I think I need to get some sort of a small lamp that will provide about the same amount of light as my tree . I 'll have to look for one . In the meantime , I decided to leave my tree up for a couple more days . Finding some source of assistance while waiting for Social Security disability benefits is crucial because the process of getting disability from Social Security can take a long time . It generally takes three or four months from when you apply to get a decision , but only about 30 % of people get approved the first time around . Most people have to appeal . It can take a year or more before you start receiving benefits . I was really lucky when I had to stop working and applied for disability . It took only four months for me to get approved and I did not have to appeal . I was approved on the first try . I also had a retirement fund that I was able to cash out . Because I was not at retirement age , I had to pay a penalty . I don 't remember how much it was , maybe 10 % ? Also I had to pay taxes on it , so I did lose a good bit of it by taking the money out early , but if I hadn 't had that , I would have been in serious trouble . I was able to live on that retirement fund money for the four months until I got my disability . I talked to a lawyer that specialized in disability claims when I was applying and I asked him what people live on while they wait . He told me many of his clients ended up homeless , living in shelters or on the street , while they appealed denied claims for disability . That was really scary to me . |
Today I went to the grocery store to pick up just a few things . I had a couple shopping bags and a gallon jug of milk . I 'd brought along a cloth shopping bag for Isaac , and when we got home , I sat in the car and repacked the items from one of the plastic shopping bags from the store in the cloth shopping bag for Isaac to carry . I got Isaac out of the car and held out the bag , saying , " Take it , " and he did . He seemed unhappy with his grip on it , though , because he then set it down in the snow . But he picked it back up and carried it across the parking lot , into the lobby of our building , into the elevator , down the hall and into our apartment . I rewarded him with a bite of hotdog . So Isaac is now pretty good on his two new commands , " Take it " and " Carry it . " And he really loves carrying things . He just looks really proud of himself doing it . kept ranting and raving about how dogs should not be in Walmart , so they called the cops . Thank goodness , the cops actually arrested the kicking customer . Apparently there is a law in Texas against injuring a service dog . I 'm absolutely horrified , not just because someone kicked a dog for no reason , but because something like this can potentially cause irreparable damage to a dog 's ability to work as a service dog . He could become too fearful to work in public . Or , if he had bitten the kicking customer in response to being kicked ( which would Edited to add : The service dog was seen by a vet and is not seriously injured . He has to take it easy for a week and is on pain medication . It 's too soon to know how he will be affected emotionally . If he becomes too fearful in stores or if he reacts to strangers in a suspicious manner , he could be unable to continue working . There are people that have had that experience . I 've talked to a couple people who had service dogs that were attacked by other dogs ( not service dogs ) and essentially developed PTSD or something similar and were unable to continue working as service dogs because they were frightened or felt threatened when they saw other dogs and responded accordingly . I think about how loving and trusting Isaac is and about how bewildered and frightened and hurt he would be if someone kicked him like that . Good grief , he was horribly offended when Mike 's cat Indigo swatted him on the nose and I am pretty sure that did not hurt at all . I imagine if someone kicked Isaac in a store , he would get as close to me as possible for protection , which is pretty much what he did when Indigo swatted him . He came running to me to save him . I feel certain he wouldn 't bite or respond in an aggressive manner . But how would it affect him emotionally ? It 's hard to say . Isaac was always a bit wary of Indigo after she swatted him but he was not afraid of other cats . And he seems to recover quickly from things . For instance , I once cut one of his nails too short and it must have hurt because he yelped , and it also bled like crazy , and I was afraid he would be scared of getting his nails cut after that , but he wasn 't . He doesn 't really like getting his nails cut but he didn 't like it before that time , either . I feel like it 's difficult to explain how devastating something like this could be . If Isaac was injured , whether physically or emotionally , and was therefore unable to continue working in public , I would be faced with a heart - wrenching decision . I would have to decide whether to get another service dog , but here 's the heart - wrenching part . I could not afford to care for two dogs . Caring for Isaac is a strain on my budget . He is definitely worth the strain , but it would be impossible to come up with the money to care for a second dog . I also live in a small apartment and don 't have room for two dogs , plus my apartment complex has a one pet rule and I already got special permission to have Cayenne in addition to Isaac . In order to get another service dog , I would have to re - home Isaac . This has been on my mind all day and I am pretty sure I would just have to do without a service dog in order to keep Isaac . And it could be possible that he could still do tasks for me at home , just not in public . And honestly , he does more for me at home than out in public anyway . For some people , it would be the opposite . For instance , a blind person would rely on a guide dog much more out in public than in the home . So at least I could manage more easily than some people without a service dog when I go places . But it would be hard . If I did decide I needed another service dog , I would have to raise the funds for it , and if it happened at this point in time , I imagine that would be really difficult since everyone I know has already donated as much as they can for Isaac . I would find it really hard to raise another $ 5000 . Of course , it would likely be a year at least before I could get another service dog . There are long waiting lists . I think there should be laws in every state , with very stiff penalties , for injuring a service dog . Of course , I think there should be laws with stiffer penalties than currently exist for any kind of animal cruelty . But injuring a service dog is a crime on a whole other level , I think . Today Isaac and I made a quick trip to the grocery store . It was really , really cold but the roads were finally decent . I guess most people were staying in , though , because the store was practically empty . I also found a lot of perishable food items , like yogurt , marked down . I guess because of the weather and bad roads , they hadn 't been selling as much as they normally do . So I bought lots of cheap yogurt . As I was shopping , I noticed how easy it is to shop with Isaac now . Maybe that seems obvious , like why would I have a service dog with me if it didn 't make shopping easier , but it hasn 't always been that way . For a long time , having Isaac with me made shopping easier in some ways and harder in other ways . Simply figuring out how to hold the leash and push the cart at the same time took me forever and trying to push a cart with one hand is definitely not easy . Keeping an eye on Isaac to make sure he wasn 't sniffing things he isn 't supposed to sniff while at the same time watching where I 'm pushing the cart ( sometimes with one hand ) while also looking at my shopping list and looking for items on the shelves that are on my list , well , I didn 't have enough hands or eyes for all that . Do you know what a hypnic jerk is ? No , it 's not a particular type of rude or annoying person . It 's that full - body jerk that sometimes happens as you are dropping off to sleep , usually accompanied or immediately preceded by a feeling of falling . Often , it wakes you up and then it takes time to settle back down and drop off to sleep again . Well , I 've been having those hypnic jerks a lot lately . I think it may be a side effect of either my pain medication or my muscle relaxer . It really sucks because not only does it wake me up when I already have enough trouble sleeping , but it frequently causes a muscle spasm in my back , which is really painful . Also , today my hips were hurting a lot . They actually feel OK now but earlier , they were feeling bad . This is the first time they 've hurt this much . That bothers me . I feel like things are getting worse and worse . First it was my right elbow , then it was my left knee , too , and now my hips . And my right arm is getting really bad , whatever it is that 's wrong with it . Besides hurting a lot every time I move it , and besides the raw / irritated / burning feeling I frequently have on my elbow , and besides the bruised feeling I have in my right forearm , I feel like I have less strength in than I used to . I am having trouble doing things like opening jars and childproof pill bottles . Although it 's hard to say for sure whether I 'm having trouble because it 's painful to do those things or because my arm is too weak . I don 't know . Posted by Getting to the pharmacy and back was an adventure . I guess that 's a positive way to say it . Or I could say it was a pain in the ass . That 's probably a more accurate way to say it . It snowed a lot overnight and all morning . It was very windy and there were huge snow drifts . Well , I guess not that huge , at least not compared to some parts of the U . S . right now , but there were snow drifts that came up to my knees . One of these drifts was in my parking lot . Not in the middle of the parking lot , but blocking the part of the parking lot where you would walk from the sidewalk into the parking lot . The snow removal people had apparently come , plowed the middle of the parking lot , waded through the knee - deep snow to get to the sidewalk , shoveled the sidewalk and left . WTF ? So Isaac and I waded through the snow ( Isaac didn 't mind it ) , I knocked the snow off my car , and we were off . The roads are bad . My county is currently under a level two snow emergency , which means you should stay off the roads unless you really need to go somewhere . Well , I really needed to get my meds . I picked up the meds with no trouble and then drove home . There is a short hill , not terribly steep , that you have to drive up to get into the parking lot of my building . There was snow and ice on the hill and my car could not make it up the hill . I tried several times . I ended up having to park in the lot of the building that is behind mine . I tried to get Isaac to carry my meds from the car back to my apartment and he refused to take the shopping bag from me . I have no clue why . I was cold and getting frustrated so I just carried it myself . I didn 't need him to carry it , I just wanted to give him practice doing it . When I got home , I called the property manager to inform him that his snow removal people suck . He said he would call them . He said he guessed he needed to be more clear with them about the areas they are supposed to shovel . I mean , you 'd think it would be common sense that people need to be able to get from the sidewalk to the parking lot , but I guess not . There is no way any of my neighbors that use wheelchairs or walkers could get through that much snow , by the way . Isaac and I were able to wade through it , but a wheelchair would not make it . So much for accessibility . Then I got out the pill bottles and realized that for some reason my doctor only called in ten days worth of meds . Seriously ? So we get to have all this fun again in just ten days ? I 'm kind of mad but it also makes me feel exhausted . It was a pain in the ass getting these meds refilled . I don 't wanna have to go through all that again in just ten days . I had a plan . Pick up meds at the pharmacy , get gas , pick up milk and tomato soup at the dollar store , then go to the food pantry to get produce . The local food pantry I go to has produce once a month . Last month I got about a hundred organic bananas . Well , OK , it was just a dozen or so . But that 's a lot for one person . I also got corn on the cob , oranges , yogurt and cottage cheese . I know , yogurt and cottage cheese are not produce . But I got yogurt last month and the month before and I was hoping to get more today . I was also hoping for apples . So I went to the pharmacy , where I found my doctor had failed to call in refills for my Tramadol and Flexeril , and where the pharmacy tech tried to charge me a copay for my Miralax , when I think Medicaid should have paid that copay for me . I asked the pharmacy tech why Medicaid didn 't pay it and she said they paid for more of the cost . I said no , that would have been Medicare that paid for most of it . Medicare is my primary , Medicaid is my secondary . Shouldn 't she know that Medicare and Medicaid are not the same things ? Surely she has many other customers that have Medicare and Medicaid . So she said she 'd bill Medicaid and I said I 'd call my doctor 's office and come back later . On the way to the gas station , I called the doctor 's office . I spoke with his medical assistant who said , " I think he 's working on those refills today . " What does that mean ? I have no clue what that means . What is there to work on ? It 's a phone call to the pharmacy . Might take 90 seconds . So I asked her what that meant and pointed out that I will be out of those meds at the end of the day . Now , I called about those refills on Wednesday , two days before I would run out . I thought two days seemed like ample time for someone at the doctor 's office to find 90 seconds to make a quick phone call . I didn 't call sooner than that because I figured they would not want to call in refills if I still have a lot of pills left . Plus , I figured my insurance wouldn 't pay for the refills if I tried to get them too soon . And then I panicked . What if they didn 't call in the refills ? I started thinking of how much pain I 'd be in all weekend . My right arm started hurting more just thinking about it . I recognized that , I realized that my anxiety was going to make the pain worse . I cried a little bit . I took some anxiety meds . I reminded myself that the anticipation of pain makes pain worse . I reminded myself that the pain wasn 't too bad right then so I needed to focus on that , not on how much it might hurt later . Then I went to the food pantry and found they were closed . There was a sign on the gate that said , " Sorry we are closed today . " I have no clue why . I was there Monday for my regular groceries and the woman at the desk reminded me that Friday was produce day . I was really disappointed . I had been really looking forward to the yogurt I hoped I would get . And I was counting on that food . Before I set out to do my errands I had carefully planned what to get at the dollar store and how much gas to put into my car , because money is that tight right now . You know , I was working out , well , I have $ 7 available on my credit card and $ 12 in my checking account and $ 9 left on this gift card , so I can use the credit card for the gas and with the gift card I can buy two gallons of milk and two cans of tomato soup and a package of dog treats for Isaac , like that . No produce at the food pantry totally messed up my plan . Shortly after I got home , the MA from the doctor 's office called and said the refills would be called in by the end of the day . I plan to go back to the pharmacy tomorrow . Hopefully it 's all been taken care of . It was a rotten day . Isaac 's favorite toy is his pickle . I don 't like it much myself because he gets it so disgustingly slimy . But I think it 's cute how much he loves it . I can 't remember what sparked my interest in getting a service dog . I think I must have come across something online about psychiatric service dogs , but I can 't recall what it was exactly . Prior to that , I hadn 't realized that dogs could be trained to perform tasks to mitigate a disability like PTSD . I was vaguely familiar with the idea of emotional support animals but didn 't understand how they differed from service dogs . Once I become curious about it , I dove in . I always do that with things . I am good at research and I read everything I can get my hands on about a subject and find people with more knowledge and experience than I have to talk to and learn from . I remember visiting my sister sometime shortly after I 'd become interested in getting a service dog and talking to her about it . I don 't remember exactly when that was but I started this blog in May of 2012 and it was sometime before then . She teased me , saying I should get a service monkey . It was a friendly kind of teasing , though . She was interested in the idea and she also said she thought she 'd like to get a puppy . Which she did , before I got Isaac , but she didn 't keep it long . It was a lot of work , imagine that . I know I 'm lucky that I was able to get a service dog as quickly as I did . I had no idea two years ago that two years from then I 'd be sitting in my own apartment with a wonderful service dog named Isaac . I had no idea how much my life would change . I 've been reading this wonderful blog and it 's got me thinking a lot about accessibility . And today I had one of those light bulb moments . You know what I mean ? Suddenly something seemed so obvious it was hard to belief it just now occurred to me . But somehow I missed it until now . Today I was talking Isaac out to pee . I opened my front door and a sheet of paper fluttered to the floor . The property manager here sends out notices about various things on a fairly regular basis . Today 's notice was about the severe cold and what we should do to keep pipes from freezing . When he , or his assistant , or one of the maintenance guys distribute these notices , they wedge them between the door and the door frame . When you open the door , the paper drops to the floor . There 's no way it won 't . Now , I have a really hard time bending over to pick things up . Fortunately I have a service dog and he is happy to pick up these papers for me . If I didn 't have Isaac , I would probably just leave the notices on the floor for the maintenance people to pick up . The property manager knows I can 't bend over to pick up these notices . I know he knows , because once he was out in the hallway when I opened the door and one fell to the floor , and he asked if I wanted him to get it for me . I told him no , thank you , but Isaac would do it . But why does continue to stick notices in my door like that when he knows I can 't pick them up ? So today I took the notice from Isaac , put it in my kitchen , and took Isaac out for his walk . On our way out , I noticed a paper on the floor in front of one of my neighbor 's doors . She is 80 years old , uses a walker , and looks pretty frail . And I thought , " Hey , I bet she has a hard time picking up those notices off the floor ! " And then I thought of some of my other neighbors , like the one that wears leg braces and uses a cane and the man that uses a wheelchair and only has limited use of his arms and hands , and I thought , " Hey , I bet they have a hard time picking up those notices , too ! " So after Isaac peed and we came back inside , I called up the property manager . He probably expects these kinds of calls from me by now . I told him how , if I didn 't have Isaac to pick up the notices for me , I would just be leaving them on the floor . Then I mentioned some of my neighbors I thought would have trouble picking them up , too , and pointed out that they don 't have an Isaac to pick up things for them . On the gastric bypass forum on which I participate , someone asked a question about whether or not Medicaid would pay for blood tests . I responded , saying that Medicaid in Ohio has always paid for my blood work but that Medicaid differs somewhat from state to state . Someone else posted , saying , " WOW , so i could get surgery , labs , meds , vitamins , protein drinks all covered ! ! can i also get the plastics covered to ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! may have to look into how to get this , i have BCBS . " child so that I developed severe PTSD . So go get sexually assaulted a whole bunch of times and then spend lots of time on locked psych wards taking medications with horrible side effects . Do that for about 12 years . Try to work and keep a job during all that time . Try to kill yourself a couple times in there , because the flashbacks are so horrible . Have nightmares almost every night . Then have your psychiatrist and psychologist both recommend you apply for disability . Quit your job . Go the the social security office and fill out a bunch of paperwork . Move in with a sympathetic friend while you wait five months to find out if you will get SSDI or not , because you have no income and can 't afford to pay your rent . Then , when you start getting SSDI , go apply for Medicaid . There is a forum I participate on for people that have had weight loss surgery . Tonight I read a post from someone that had weight loss surgery several years ago and now has to have surgery again to repair a hernia . She was advised to wear an abdominal binder afterward and posted to ask for advice about where to get one . If possible , she said , she would like one that she could wear under her clothes because she doesn 't want to look like a mental patient . Well . I have been a mental patient . Many times , in fact . In many different mental hospitals . Well , OK , most were not mental hospitals , they were general hospitals with psychiatric wards , but two of them were psychiatric hospitals . That 's all they did . Anyway . I have been a mental patient and I never wore an abdominal binder of any kind when I was in a mental hospital . None of the other patients wore abdominal binders , either , as far as I knew . Which is what I said in my reply to her . Now , I know what she meant . She meant that she doesn 't want to look odd or abnormal . She doesn 't really think mental patients wear abdominal binders , nor does she think that people might think she is wearing an abdominal binder because she has schizophrenia or PTSD or bipolar disorder . But . . . I think she probably thinks mental patients look odd or abnormal . Or maybe she doesn 't just think they look odd or abnormal , maybe she thinks they are odd or abnormal . If she didn 't think that , why would she suggest she would look like a mental patient if she wore an abdominal binder ? Her question had nothing to do with mental health . Nothing to do with mental illness . Why stick that little jab in there about how mental patients are weird ? It was unnecessary . She probably didn 't mean to be cruel , but it is cruel to suggest that mental patients look abnormal . It is cruel to say she wants to make sure she is never mistaken for one . Isaac and I were coming back in from a walk and a couple of my neighbors were sitting in the community room which is right by the elevator . Isaac has discovered that now that it is so cold out , people do not hang out on the patio anymore . During the summer , he always wanted to head to the patio whenever we went outside to check out who was there . Now that it 's cold , he has discovered that people sometimes gather in the community room and he always wants to stick his head in there to see who is there . This one particular neighbor really loves Isaac . She lets him kiss her on the face . She loves it . Isaac is not a particularly kissy dog , which is OK with me , but he kisses her . She is an older woman and I 'm not sure but I think she might be in the early stages of some sort of dementia or maybe she has some serious mental illness going on . About half of what she says does not make much sense and I can 't tell if she thinks it makes sense or if she 's just making up stories or what . She is very nice , though . Another neighbor told us he 'd heard that someone that lives nearby lost their yellow lab a few days ago but that they finally found it . The neighbor that loves Isaac said , " Oh , I would feel so bad if something happened to Isaac . I would feel terribly if I couldn 't see him at least once a day . " Then she said , " Sometimes I feel scared . " And I bet she does . Sometimes she tells me that people have been trying to break into her apartment , stuff like that , which I feel pretty certain is not true . I don 't know if she 's delusional and thinks people are trying to break in when they aren 't or what . I know everyone feels scared sometimes but if she really believes some of the stories she tells me , I bet she is scared a lot . In the past , I typically sat on one end of the couch and Cayenne sat / lay / slept / lived on the other end . Her end is covered with disposable puppy pee pad with a soft blanket on top of them . Except when she pees on both her blankies and then she gets to sleep on a towel until I get around to doing laundry . On the floor in front of Cayenne 's end of the couch were more puppy pads covered with towels . Beside my end of the couch is a two - drawer file cabinet that I use like an end table . My pain meds were kept there , Isaac 's treat jar was kept there , a drink was usually there . My computer mouse was on the arm of the couch and in front of my end of the couch was the coffee table . Why was the coffee table only in front of my end of the couch ? Well , it wasn 't centered right because I didn 't want to put it on the puppy pads in front of Cayenne 's end of the couch . I didn 't want to have to move the coffee table every time I changed puppy pads ( which is at least once a day , sometimes more , sometimes lots more ) and I didn 't really want her to pee on the legs of the coffee table , either . But my right arm hurts . It hurts a lot . Picking up a full glass of tea with that arm has become pretty difficult . And the arm of the couch , which seemed like the perfect place for my mouse just a couple of months ago , now seems a little too high . Holding my arm at that angle hurts . So I decided that Cayenne and I needed to switch ends of the couch for a little bit to see how that worked for me . She immediately switched to her new end as soon as I put her blanket there . I put my mouse on a pillow beside me , put my drink on the really wide windowsill just to the left of where I would sit , and moved Cayenne 's puppy pads a little to the left ( hopefully she 'll continue peeing on them , I hate to do anything that might cause her to pee on the carpet ) so I could move the coffee table a bit so I can still rest my feet on it . I think this will work . I think it will be good . The only negative I can think of right now is that Cayenne will have to march over me every time she wants to get to her food and water , which are kept on the windowsill ( they are there because it 's easier for her to go from couch to windowsill and back than to go from couch to floor and back , and because they are in a place where I can easily see Isaac whenever he decides he wants to sneak a bite of cat food ) . I don 't think Cayenne will mind . I might , though . Isaac now loves carrying a cloth shopping bag with something in it . Loves it . Today we walked over to the rental office to drop something off . It 's not a very long walk , but I thought it might be too long for Isaac to carry the bag , so I planned to carry it part of the way , then give it to him to carry the rest of the way . Isaac did not like my plan , however . It seems he thinks carrying that bag is his job . He kept trying to take it out of my hand . On our way home , I let him carry it the whole way and he seemed quite happy to be carrying it . He walked at a good pace and his head was held high and his tail was wagging like crazy . I think tomorrow we 'll try it with a different bag . I don 't want him to think he can only carry that one bag , that that 's his special bag , and not be able to carry other bags if I need him to . Although the idea has occurred to me to make a special bag just for him . Maybe one that zips , to make sure nothing falls out if he drops it . Maybe with a handle similar to the bag my meds are in , because that bag is really easy for him to grab . First , Isaac has mastered carrying items in a cloth shopping bag and he loves doing it . This evening I took the bag with us when I took him out to pee and then gave it to him to carry back inside . He carried it to our apartment , when I took it from him and rewarded him with a treat . I put the bag on the kitchen counter and went and sat down on the couch with my laptop . Isaac went into the kitchen and returned with the shopping bag , which he 'd gotten off the counter , and presented the bag to me . I think he was hoping for another treat . He used to do that with my meds a lot , just bring them to me at random times . He quit doing that long ago , though . It 's unusual for Isaac to get anything off the counter . He does not counter surf , for which I am grateful . Occasionally he 's gotten one of his toys off the counter , like after I 've washed it and it 's sitting by the sink . But anyway , he can now carry a cloth shopping bag and he very much likes doing it . Second , I just realized a few minutes ago that my pain has been at a very tolerable level today . I don 't know why , I don 't know what 's different about today . I 'd like to know so I could do it again tomorrow . But for now I 'll just enjoy it . It 's not that I 'm pain - free , but today the pain is like background noise , not too difficult to tune out , whereas many days it 's like a really loud alarm clock that you 'd like to hit with a sledge hammer , only there is no off button . Posted by Yesterday I wrote about training Isaac to carry in groceries for me . A reader suggested having him carry things in a cloth bag rather than a plastic one because it would be sturdier and his teeth wouldn 't tear the bag . I would like him to be able to carry a plastic bag because I may need him to carry stuff some time when I don 't have a cloth bag available , but I decided to try the cloth bag for now . Once he 's able to do that well , we 'll try a plastic bag again . Today , several different times , I gave him the shopping bag with something light in it , like a small bottle of lotion . I had him carry it from the living room to the kitchen or from the kitchen to the living room . He got lots of praise and a treat each time . We probably did that ten times today , but not all at once . It was spread out over the whole day . Also , I had him carry my hat from the lobby into the elevator , then down the hall to our apartment each time we went out to pee . He got lots of praise and a treat for that , too . A few times , he got a piece of hot dog for he reward . The last two times I took him outside , I gave him the shopping bag in the lobby and had him carry it into the elevator and then down the hall to our apartment . The second time , we got off the elevator and saw one of our neighbors in the hall . Isaac likes her a lot and she likes him . Usually when he sees her , Isaac wants to get petted for a long time . He does this thing where he sits on her foot and leans against her . He does that to me sometimes , too . I think it 's sweet , but this neighbor uses a cane and I don 't think she has great balance and sometimes I worry that Isaac 's going to lean against her too hard and knock her over . There is a handrail in the hallway , though , and usually when she sees Isaac she braces herself against the handrail so she has her hands free to pet him . Anyway . We saw her and Isaac 's tail began wagging hard and he kind of wiggled all over . I told him to give me the shopping bag so he could say hi to her . He gave it up reluctantly . He let her pet him for about five seconds , then began trying to take the shopping bag from my hand . I gave it back to him and he trotted happily down the hall . He picked carrying the bag over getting petted by our neighbor . Usually the only thing he will pick over socializing with people he likes is food . This morning I tried to think about when the last time I could move my right arm without pain in the elbow . I can 't remember . I think it 's been a few months . I recall that the day after Christmas was when I schedule my appointment with the rheumatologist , and that was after I 'd waited a week or so for the rheumatologist 's staff to contact me about an appointment . Before that , I 'd had some x - rays and lab work done , and that was about a week after I 'd seen my primary care physician . So I probably saw him sometime in early to mid - December . And I 'd been having pain for at least a month before that . So probably it 's been two months at least . There comes a time , I guess , when you realize pain is probably not going to go away . I don 't wake up anymore and move my arm to test to see if it hurts today or not . It hurts every day . Now , my left knee , that I stretch and flex to see if it hurts and how much . It usually hurts a lot when I first wake up . But the pain usually gets better after I 'm up and moving around . Not so with my right arm . Of course , that 's the way it is with my back . It 's been about a year since I 've slept through the night without back pain waking me at least once . It 's been about a year since I could bend without pain , without having to worry about whether or not I could get back up again . I 've gotten used to living with the back pain . Sometimes the pain gets worse and I feel I can 't bear it any longer but most of the time , it hurts and I don 't like it but I 've accepted it . And I 've adapted to it . Isaac picks up my keys when I drop them in the parking lot . He picks up the dish towel when I drop it in the kitchen . He picks up the mouse when I knock it off the arm of my couch . I put the food I eat the most on the top shelf in the fridge and do not put anything in the vegetable drawers on the bottom - it 's too hard to get things out of those drawers . There are two washing machines in the laundry room here but I only use the top loading machine because it 's too hard to bend over to use the front loader . When I have two loads , I do them one at a time , both in the top loading machine . Now that there is snow on the ground , I keep my winter boots beside the couch , so I can put them on while I 'm sitting down , because it 's too hard to stand up and then bend over to zip them up . I 've changed the way I do things , I 've rearranged my home , all to accommodate my back pain . I have not yet done this with regard to my right arm . But I 'm starting to think about it . Starting to consider how I might rearrange things to accommodate an arm that hurts to bend , that hurts to lift a glass of water to take a drink , that hurts to hold a brush and brush my hair . Do you know how hard it is to brush your hair with your non - dominant hand ? It 's ridiculously hard . But I 've thought that I probably need to learn to do it . I 've thought about rearranging things in my living room , so that I can keep my drink to the left of me instead of on the end table to the right of the couch . Now , sometimes I reach across myself with my left hand to pick up the glass , but that 's awkward and inconvenient . I 've thought about rearranging my living room but I haven 't actually done it yet . I don 't really know why not . Maybe I just don 't want to have to . Maybe I don 't want to say OK , this arm thing is going to be permanent . It 's going to dictate which end of the couch I sit on , where I put an end table , where I put my drink . Someone suggested to me that I should train Isaac to help me carry in groceries . He should be able to carry a plastic shopping bag with up to three pounds of groceries in it . Much of the time , I don 't really need his help carrying in groceries . If I only have a bag or two , I can carry them . If I have a lot of groceries , there is a cart that is kept in the lobby of my building that tenants can use to bring items in . However , sometimes I have more stuff than I can easily carry myself but not so much that I want to mess with getting the cart . At those times , it would be great if Isaac could carry a shopping bag . Even if he carried my purse , that would help . Plus it 's fun to teach Isaac things and Isaac likes learning and likes doing jobs . A couple days ago , I picked up a few things at the dollar store . I had a gallon of milk and two plastic shopping bags . Before getting out of my car , I rearranged the items in the shopping bags so that one bag only had a couple things in it and was pretty light . Then I tied the handles of the bag together so stuff wouldn 't fall out and there would be a big knot for Isaac to easily hold on it . I got out of the car and Isaac got out of the car and I attempted to hand him the shopping bag I meant for him to carry . He was baffled . He picks up all sorts of items and gives them to me , including plastic shopping bags if I drop one on the ground or something , but I do not usually give those items to him . I give him other items , like toys , but not shopping bags . He didn 't understand what I wanted him to do . I ended up putting the bag on the ground and telling him to " Get it . " I think he was relieved to be asked to do something he understood and he picked it up very fast , with great enthusiasm . So much enthusiasm , in fact , that he then shook it ferociously . Which caused the bag to rip and the items in it to fall out on the ground . Sigh . I decided Isaac needed to learn a command that would tell him to take whatever I was giving to him . So every time he brought me his pickle , I stuffed a small treat in one of the grooves and handed it back to him , saying , " Take it . " I said , " Take it , " every time I gave him a toy or a treat . I did that all day yesterday and all day today and this evening I held out my hat to him and said , " Take it , " and he did . I praised him enthusiastically and that got him all excited so he dropped the hat , but then he picked it up for me . I also decided to have him start practicing carrying things . When he retrieves things for me , he sometimes carries them a little way . For instance , he gets my medication and will bring it to me anywhere in the apartment , so sometimes he carries that from one room to another . With most things , though , he just picks them up and gives them to me right away . There have been a few occasions , though , when he 's carried something kind of a long way . A couple of times when I 've been taking him outside for a walk , he 's had a toy in his mouth and didn 't want to put it down , so I let him take it outside with him . And he carried that quite a while . He has also been known to pick up discarded bags from fast food restaurants that he finds beside the road on walks and carry those quite a while . So he 's not opposed to carrying things . He just doesn 't do it very often . So starting yesterday , I started having him carry things from the elevator down the hall to our apartment . I wasn 't asking him to take things from me yet , so I dropped whatever I wanted him to carry on the floor and told him to " get it . " Then , when he picked it up , instead of taking it for him I told him " Carry it . " He carried my hat several times and carried a piece of mail once . Tomorrow I 'm going to try giving him a grocery bag with something light in it . I 'll hold it out to him and tell him to " take it , " then reward him . After he does that a few times , I 'll have him carry it across the room . Once he 's doing that well , I 'll have him carry the grocery bag from the elevator to our apartment . Then we 'll move on to carrying it from the lobby , up in the elevator , and to the apartment . In a few days , we should be ready to carry a bag in from the car . As you 've probably noticed , people and dogs do not speak the same language . Dogs communicate with each other primarily with body language but they also make sounds to communicate . They are not native English speakers , however . Unfortunately , people are not born knowing how to speak doggie . As often happens when people that speak different languages , sometimes misunderstandings occur when people and dogs have trouble communicating . Knowing how to communicate with a dog is very important if you 're going to train the dog to do something . There are a number of things that I know Isaac would be capable of doing but he can 't do them at this moment because I haven 't communicated the idea to him . For instance , Isaac turns on lights , but he is not trained to turn them off . I don 't need him to turn them off , I can do that myself , so his trainer did not train him to turn them off . He could turn them off , though . I can 't just point at the light switch and tell him to turn them off , though . because he would not understand what I was saying . There have been several times in our relationship that I have wanted Isaac to do something and he wasn 't doing it and I got frustrated and felt like he wasn 't cooperating with me . Then I realized it wasn 't that he did not want to do the task , he wasn 't refusing to do it . He didn 't understand what I wanted . And that is not his fault . If I want to tell him to do something , I need to tell him in a way that he can understand . Something I want to train Isaac to do is to curl up in a small space . That 's important sometimes when I 'm out and about with him . If we eat at restaurant with small tables , for instance , he needs to fit himself under that small table , and make sure his feet or his tail is not sticking out where people could step on him or trip over him , and make sure there is still enough room for the people eating at that table to put their feet down . Someone suggested having his lie down and curl up in a box , because the sides of the box would require him to curl up . She recommended starting with a pretty big box and then moving to a smaller box once he got the hang of it . Well , I tried that the other day . Isaac did not understand what I wanted him to do . When I point at the bathtub and say " Get in " he gets in , so that 's what I did with the box . He just looked confused . Then he picked up the box and tried to give it to me . I put the box between us and told him to come to me . He did , but not by stepping into the box . He walked around the box . I put the box between the couch and the coffee table , so there was no room to walk about it , and tried again . He walked around the coffee table to approach me from the other side . I was finally able to get him to put his front feet in the box but that was it . He just didn 't understand what I wanted . I came across an interesting idea today in an article about indoor games to play with your dog . The idea is to play fetch with your dog on the stairs . You sit at the bottom of the stairs and throw a toy up the steps . You dog runs up and gets the toy and brings it back to you . The reason you throw the toy up the steps instead of down is that dogs will usually run faster to get the toy than they do when bringing the toy back to you . Running up steps is safer for dogs than running down steps . If the dog goes racing down the steps after a toy , he might fall and hurt himself . I love this idea . Isaac and I do play fetch in my apartment but there is not much room to run , really . But there are stairs in the building and Isaac actually likes stairs for some reason . I think it 's just because he likes to be physically active but I 'm not sure . I just know he enjoys going up and down steps . Most of my neighbors use the elevator most of the time ( I do , too ) . So we wouldn 't likely bother anyone by playing fetch on the stairs . I think Isaac would like that a lot . It would be a good way to burn off some energy on a day he can 't get outside much . I wonder how many times he 'd have to run up the stairs before he got tired . Last night , I went to the grocery store . I usually shop during the day but I didn 't feel like it all day but then I decided I really needed some food , so I went about 7 : 00 pm . There were about a million little kids at the store . Shouldn 't they be home getting ready for bed or something at 7 : 00 pm ? Well , they weren 't . They were all at Kroger . That means toddlers were loudly squealing , " Doggie ! Doggie ! Doggie ! " everywhere Isaac and I went . That usually doesn 't bother me much . Little kids don 't know better and they love animals and they just get excited when they see a doggie in the store . But there was a lot of squealing going on . Also , for the first time since I got Isaac more than a year ago , I had a kid come up and start to pet him without asking . Adults do that fairly often but kids always ask . Except last night . This kid was probably five or six and he was with his mom ( I 'm assuming she was his mom , anyway ) and two other little boys . They kind of reminded me of my nephews when they were little . They were hanging off the shopping cart and climbing on the shelves in the store and that sort of thing . So one of them started to pet Isaac and his brother , who looked to be about seven or eight , yelled at him , " You 're not supposed to pet that dog , you dummy ! " I 'm not sure if the kid knew you weren 't supposed to pet service dogs or if he was just reading the patch on Isaac 's vest . Either way , he was right and his brother did quickly withdraw his hand . Then he turned around and smacked his brother upside the head . Today I read this blog post and it got me thinking . Well , first it got me feeling really glad I 'm not physically disabled , or not more physically disabled than I already am , I mean . My back problems might be considered a physical disability but I can walk and I can get around in most situations . Sometimes I have trouble reaching certain items , like things on the lower shelves in the grocery store , but I never have to worry about whether or not I can even get into the store . The blogger of the post I read was talking about how he stayed at a hotel that claimed to be wheelchair accessible , but in fact was only partially accessible . While there was room for a wheelchair to maneuver in the bedroom and bathroom , the towel rack and thermostat were too high for someone sitting in a wheelchair to reach them . What is the point in having a wheelchair accessible bathroom if the person using that bathroom can 't get a towel ? Finally , he wanted to visit the hotel bar for a drink but the bar was not wheelchair accessible . He then asked to buy a beer to take back to his room but was told he was not allowed to take beer out of the bar . Of course , he was not even in the bar to begin with , since it was not wheelchair accessible . I think it was probably illegal for them to refuse to sell him a beer to drink in his room since the bar was not accessible , but refuse him they did . Now , accessibility varies depending on the needs of the individual . It can be almost impossible to create a space that is accessible to absolutely everyone . For instance , in the laundry room at my apartment building , there are two washing machines . One is a top loading machine and one is a front loading machine . The front loading machine is not accessible to me because you have to bend over to put clothes in and get clothes out and I can 't bend that much . However , the top loading machine is not accessible to my neighbors that use wheelchairs . They can 't reach into the top loading machine to get clothes out while sitting in a wheelchair . That 's why the property manager installed one of each , trying to accommodate the different needs of different tenants . I realize that it 's not reasonable to expect every hotel room everywhere to be accessible to every single person on the planet . But let 's use a little common sense . Let 's not install stairs leading to the wheelchair lift . I can hardly imagine how frustrated I would be if I was traveling and had so many accessibility issues at hotels . You know how I hate to ask for help . WTF would I do if I couldn 't even reach the towels in the bathroom ? This evening he was busy gnawing on a chicken - flavored rawhide chew ( and yes , I know rawhide isn 't the best thing for dogs , but he gets it once in a while ) and dropped something on the floor and needed him to pick it up for me . In the past , I would often not ask Isaac to pick up something if he was really involved with a chew or toy . And if I did ask him to interrupt his chewing to do a task for me , he didn 't always do it . Or I had to take away the chew or toy in order to get him to do the task . This evening , I called him , he picked up the chew and brought it with him , but came right to me . And when I told him what I needed him to pick up for me , he put down the chew , picked up the item , gave it to me , and went back to his chew . I gave him a treat , which he gulped down , and then he continued gnawing on the rawhide . of the cutest things about Isaac ( well , OK , I think almost everything about him is cute , but this is super cute , really ) is how he likes to show people his toys when they come over . A total stranger can come to my door and Isaac is delighted to see him , whoever he is , and will invite the stranger to pet him . Then he will run back into the house , pick out a toy and present it to the stranger . When we lived with Mike , when he came home from work . If Isaac had gotten a new toy or bone or chew that day , he would always take Mike the new toy to admire . If he hadn 't gotten a new toy , he would just pick one of his favorites and show that to Mike . He usually won 't actually give the toy to the person , though , although he sometimes gives one to me . Most of the time If Isaac presents a toy to a visitor and the visitor doesn 't show much interest in it , Isaac will put that toy down and pick up another and present it . He wants the visitor to comment on what a nice toy it is and maybe reach for it , even though he has no intention of actually allowing the visitor to take it from him . Posted by For the first few months I had him , he would retrieve random objects and bring them to me , hoping for a treat . He knew he got treats for bringing me my medication , and sometimes I asked him to bring me other things , so he would just go around the house picking up random items and depositing them in my lap . I would be sitting on the couch with my laptop and here would come Isaac , with Mike 's wallet or sunglasses , with the television remote control , with some mail he got off Mike 's desk , with a cat toy , with one of my shoes . I guess he hadn 't quite figured out why sometimes he would get a treat for retrieving my keys ( like when I dropped them and therefore told him to pick them up ) and sometimes he didn 't . He would also bring me my meds at random times , hoping to get a treat . I was talking to a friend about how Isaac got out of bed the other morning to pick up my mouse for me , and it occurred to me then that he hasn 't done the thing where he wanders around the house collecting random objects in a long time . I don 't remember when the last time he did it was . It was kind of cute but sometimes it got annoying . But he 's figured out now when I want him to pick up things and does it at the right time instead of just doing it randomly . Today I checked the mail and came back inside and sat on the couch and put the mail on the arm of the couch . Then I got busy doing something with my laptop and wasn 't paying attention to the mail and knocked it off the arm of the couch onto the floor . I didn 't need it right that minute and kept doing whatever I was doing , and then I saw Isaac . He had picked up one of the envelopes from the floor and was offering it to me . He got two treats and a " good boy ! " for that . Today Isaac and I walked over to the rental office to drop something off . It 's a very short walk , and I was bundled up like a mummy , and I was still freezing . I think the high today was two degrees , but the windchill was much colder . I thought Isaac needed to get out of the house for at least a few minutes , though . He hasn 't been able to go for a run since sometime last week . Isaac loves our property manager so he likes going to the office . He is doing so well with his prong collar , though . Usually he gets excited and wants to jump up on the property manager , but today he just sat on his feet and leaned against his legs , something he does when he really loves someone and wants to be super close . Another tenant stopped by and was telling us how much he likes labs because they are just the smartest dogs ever . I was bundling myself back up in preparation for the walk back home and I realized I 'd dropped my hat on the floor and so I told Isaac to get it for me . He acted like he was absolutely thrilled at the prospect and pounced on it and picked it up , but instead of giving it to me , he tossed it up in the air . It was funny and everyone laughed and then I told him to pick it up again and he did and that time he shook it furiously before he gave it to me . He is just so full of energy . We were almost back to our building when Isaac suddenly started limping . He didn 't want to put any weight at all on one of his front paws . I was worried and hoped he wasn 't injured . I started to look at the foot but decided since we were almost home , we should wait until we got inside so I could get a good look at it without sitting on the ground in the snow and freezing . As soon as we got in the lobby , I sat on the floor and examined his foot . I couldn 't see anything wrong with it , but there were some bits of salt from the sidewalk stuck to his foot pad and between his toes , so I thought maybe that was hurting when he stepped on it and I cleaned all four feet off . First , I cried when she wrote about how her parents immediately flew to be with her , and I thought about how last time I was admitted to the hospital , my mother stopped talking to me and un - friended me on Facebook . And I thought about how I practically had to beg for someone to please please please come with me to hospital when I had a breast biopsy because if there was no one to drive me home , I would have to be awake for the procedure . And I thought about how , when I had to have oral surgery a couple months ago , I was unable to opt for sedation during the procedure because I couldn 't afford it and because there was no one to drive me home . And I thought about how , after the oral surgery , at home alone , I lay on the couch and cried and rocked myself through the anxiety and panic and terror and flashbacks . And then I thought about how , when I was in that awful psych ward , held against my will for five days , a friend drove three hours ( and another three hours home , afterward ) just to visit me for an hour . I thought about how another friend , who lives in another state , said she was sorry she wasn 't close enough to go to the hospital with me for my biopsy and offered to pay for a cab there and back for me so I could be sedated for the procedure . The hospital was an hour away from my home , so a cab would have cost a lot . I thought about the time , 11 years ago , when I was hospitalized in a place that specializes in treating PTSD and then was discharged from the inpatient program and admitted to the partial hospitalization program , and I was saying in hotel in a city I was not at all familiar with , and was totally overwhelmed and alone . I called a friend of mine who lives in New Jersey . It was 9 : 00 at night and she said , " I 'll come and be with you . Let me go talk to my family and pack a bag . I can be on the road in less than an hour . " She drove all night from New Jersey to Michigan and stayed there with me for a week . I thought about how , a couple months ago , I posted something online in a forum for gastric bypass patients about it being hard to eat healthfully when you have to rely on food from food pantries . Someone from that forum , someone I barely know , sent me a private message and offered to help me buy some groceries . Someone else from that forum sent me a package with some vitamins , oatmeal , coffee and other stuff . Someone else asked if I would like some protein powder that she wasn 't going to use and I said sure , expecting to get a half - full tub of protein powder . Instead , I got two full tubs of vanilla protein powder and one half - full tub of vanilla and one half - full tub of chocolate . I haven 't had to buy protein powder in a couple months and shouldn 't need to for at least a couple more months . I read somewhere that adults that grow up in highly dysfunctional families often feel like no one loves them enough . They didn 't experience the unconditional love they needed as infants and small children , and no matter how much they are loved as adults , it never makes up for what they didn 't get as children . Because of that , it never seems like enough . I think that is true for me . I 've been having widespread pain for a while now , but my right elbow is really killing me . I am definitely right - handed but I need to start learning to do certain things with my left hand because my right elbow just hurts too much . It 's hard to brush my hair with my right hand . I normally sit at the right end of my couch and keep my mouse on the arm of the couch beside me . And beside the couch is an end table where I keep a drink . But using the mouse hurts my elbow . They probably make a mouse shaped for a left hand , don 't they ? And often now it is very difficult to lift a glass from the end table with my right arm . I might have to rearrange my living room so I can sit on the other end of the couch and easily pick up my drink with my left arm . So after I read that article , I paid attention to Isaac when he went potty for the rest of the day . He peed three times , all aligned in an east - west position . However , he pooped once and did position himself north - south for that . If you 're not familiar with prong collars , they are metal collars that have little prongs , sort of pointy metal pieces , that go against the dog 's neck . They are sometimes used when training dogs because you can easily correct a dog that is wearing one by tugging on the leash . That 's because if you tug kind of hard , it causes pain to the dog . If a prong collar is too tight or if it 's not used correctly , it can really hurt a dog . It can make sores on the dog 's neck . It can really hurt . Before I decided to apply for a dog from Isaac 's program , I talked to the trainer . One of the questions I asked her was what kind of collar she used with the dogs she trained . She told me she occasionally used a prong collar and went on to explain when and why she would use one . She said occasionally she used one with a dog that pulled a lot when walking on a leash because it 's fairly self - correcting . If it 's uncomfortable to pull on the leash , the dog won 't do it . And as long as the collar fits properly , the dog won 't be injured by a prong collar used in this way . The dog controls how much pull is put on the collar . She said she also sometimes uses one when working with a handler that has little arm strength . The prong collar allows the handler to control the dog with much softer movements and it 's much easier to deal with pulling and to keep the dog from taking off after a cat or squirrel . Over the past year , my back has gotten much worse . When I first got Isaac , I would try to hold onto the leash when he tried to take off after a cat or deer . A few times he got away from me anyway , but many times , I was able to keep hold of the leash . These days , I can 't . And Isaac has figured that out . I 've been having more trouble lately with him taking off when he sees something or someone he wants to chase or greet . He doesn 't do it when he 's working but he does it when we go for walks or just in the lobby of my building . It 's becoming a big problem . I think he 's doing it because he gets away with it but if I try to hold onto the leash when he tried to bolt , it triggers such incredibly painful spasms in my back that it makes me cry . I 've tried to just hold on anyway and ignore the pain , but it 's the kind of pain you cannot just ignore . Today I decided to dig out Isaac 's prong collar . I only put it on him when we were going outside . I took it off as soon as we came back in . I watched him very carefully while using it to make sure it wasn 't causing him discomfort . What I noticed is that he was much , much less likely to try to jump up on neighbors in the hallway or in the elevator . A couple of my neighbors commented on the change in his behavior , too . I 'm glad they noticed it , but on the other hand , that shows you what a problem it had become , that they would notice this and see it as a big change . It actually allowed me to be very gentle with him . Instead of holding the leash really tight and pulling on it myself when a neighbor walked by , I was able to hold the leash normally and Isaac decided not to pull . It meant taking Isaac out did not involve a wrestling match , which is what it sometimes feels like . My plan is to keep using the prong collar for a while . I hope that at some point I can stop using it and he 'll still behave like he 's been behaving with it on , but for now I 'm going to keep using it . I may decide not to use it when he 's working , since I usually don 't have trouble with him pulling or trying to change critters when he 's working . I might just use it when we go out for a recreational walk . I was really happy with how well he did with it on today , though . I have found that the lights on the tree provide just the right amount of light at night so I can sleep without having the overhead light on . Due to my PTSD , I often have trouble turning off all the lights at night . Even if I am feeling all right and am able to go to sleep with the lights off , if I have a nightmare and wake up in the dark , it 's really scary for me . Isaac can get up and turn on a light for me if that happens , which helps . But most nights , I have to sleep with a light on . The lights on the tree have been perfect , though . I can turn off the overhead light and it 's dim enough to sleep but there is enough light that my PTSD doesn 't get triggered and I feel safe and there 's no panic if I wake up in the middle of the night . I think I need to get some sort of a small lamp that will provide about the same amount of light as my tree . I 'll have to look for one . In the meantime , I decided to leave my tree up for a couple more days . Finding some source of assistance while waiting for Social Security disability benefits is crucial because the process of getting disability from Social Security can take a long time . It generally takes three or four months from when you apply to get a decision , but only about 30 % of people get approved the first time around . Most people have to appeal . It can take a year or more before you start receiving benefits . I was really lucky when I had to stop working and applied for disability . It took only four months for me to get approved and I did not have to appeal . I was approved on the first try . I also had a retirement fund that I was able to cash out . Because I was not at retirement age , I had to pay a penalty . I don 't remember how much it was , maybe 10 % ? Also I had to pay taxes on it , so I did lose a good bit of it by taking the money out early , but if I hadn 't had that , I would have been in serious trouble . I was able to live on that retirement fund money for the four months until I got my disability . I talked to a lawyer that specialized in disability claims when I was applying and I asked him what people live on while they wait . He told me many of his clients ended up homeless , living in shelters or on the street , while they appealed denied claims for disability . That was really scary to me . |
Author toserendipityandbeyondPosted on February 17 , 2017February 17 , 2017Categories poetryTags comedy , poetry , politicians , politics , satire , votingLeave a comment on Tease me dear politician Ballerina The ballerina 's pointe shoes are now torn and weary . Her toes are broken from tip - toeing a waltz on top of this silk thread of expectations . Her arms are tired of holding the same shapes of black and white around her masks . Her tutu waves goodbye to the freedom of childhood and melancholically shakes itself away into the shape of perfection . Lean , tall , a skeleton of broken whispers , her small breasts barely dare to cushion her woes . Her toes keep pointing down , down , where her gaze is meant to be while she dances a sad dance , a funeral march of what could never be . The dew drops on her forehead cascade through her soul like tears of salty anguish , little liquid mirrors that reflect the contraction of long - worn muscles . The holes in her shoes are getting bigger and bigger and , suddenly , she starts to see where her toes are pointing to . She can see the dust and shadows of her tortures and she longs for a new tune that will carry her heart away from its steady rhythm . And so she breaks the choreography in an attempt to look up . Her eyes become fixed in the feathered hopes that fly above and she stops the dance . A silence of suspense keeps time imprisoned in its grip . The mighty hand lets go and so does she . She takes off her heavy pointe shoes and jumps . Se knows that she might fall but she jumps anyway . She jumps into her true self without fear or shame . She lands on quicksand , improvising her own dance , moving to her own humming , which grows and swells , gradually steadying the floor beneath her , allowing her to hear herself sing . Author toserendipityandbeyondPosted on February 17 , 2017February 17 , 2017Categories essayTags ballerina , ballet , dance , essay , fear , freedom , girl , girls , liberty , life , woman , womenLeave a comment on Ballerina The day the Sea stood still One day the Sea got tired of always going back and forth , back and forth , back and forth . And so , it stopped . The Wind blew harder and harder hoping to make her friend move again , but the effort was in vain , for the Sea had decided it was time to rest . The Wind asked : ' Why aren 't you dancing with me anymore ? ' Gently , the Sea answers : ' Because I 'm tired . All of these centuries moving up and down , touching the sand and running away , only to come back up and touch it once more , always rising and falling , and for what ? ' ' I don 't know ' , whispered the Wind , ' but I like dancing with you . Goodbye old friend , I shall go looking for another dancing partner ' . ' Goodbye ' , answer the Sea . The Wind went away , not expecting to return . The day crossed the sky until it dived into the Western horizon . From the other side the night was born . And with it came the the Moon , full and white , her pale light gently caressing the dark waters , impatiently waiting for the Sea to rise to look at her . But the Sea didn 't rise . Partly frustrated , partly intrigued , she asked : ' Why don 't you rise to admire me tonight ? ' , to which the Sea replied : ' My dear Moon , for ages and ages , every day and every night I used to rise to more closely look at you and each time I would fall back down again to admire your amazing beauty against the starry sky . But after all these years I am old and tired , and I need to rest . ' With great sadness the Moon said : ' My dear Sea , how I will miss your devoted admiration ! ' And so the Moon , vain as she was , spent her time admiring her own image in the calm watery mirror of the Sea . But she soon got bored now that she had lost her favourite admirer , and quickly crossed the sky to go to bed . As soon as she disappeared , the day came up again . The Sun didn 't understand why the night had been so short , but he didn 't mind and actually enjoyed it , for it gave him a lot more time to reign in the sky . And then , the Men arrived . They came in large wooden ships , with big pearly sails , always rowing , and rowing and rowing . They had to row because they couldn 't use their sails without Wind . They rowed until they didn 't have the strength to row anymore . In a moment of despair one of the Men shouted to the sky : ' Where are you Wind ? Why aren 't you here to fill our sails ? ' A seagull that was passing by responded : ' The Wind left because the Sea refuses to dance ' . At first , the Men didn 't quite believe in it but , after several months of waiting for a breeze that never appeared , they gave up and , just like the Wind and the Moon , they also decided to leave . The Sea was now all alone . Even the clouds didn 't visit him , for the clouds need Wind to travel . The days became longer and hotter , for the Moon was easily bored by the Sea 's monotonous company . After months of excruciating heat and unbearable solitude , the Sea , missing his friends , reconsidered his decision . Even though he was disappointed in his friends for leaving him , he realised that he really enjoyed dancing with the Wind , gazing at the Moon and being tickled by the Men 's ships . He decided that he would move again , even if it was exhausting to him . And so he did . The first one to notice was the Moon , who was delighted to have her dedicated lover back . That night lasted the equivalent of two days , for they missed each other very much . When the Moon finally went to sleep and the Sun , who was very upset for having to wait for so long , finally came up again , the Sea wondered what he could do to bring back the Wind . He eventually decided to ask the birds to go look for her . They went to land , returning hours later with the Wind in their wings . The Wind was very happy to have her old dance partner again , and so they danced like never before . All of this dancing was very noisy , for the waves were very big and were crashing madly against the rocks . When the Men heard this , they rapidly got inside the ships and sailed to the Sea to celebrate . The Sea wasn 't alone anymore . From that day forward , the Sea never stopped again . Sometimes he 's in a quieter mood , other times he may be in a great big rush , but he is always rising and falling , going and coming . Never again will he stay still , so that never again he will be alone . Author toserendipityandbeyondPosted on February 17 , 2017February 17 , 2017Categories TaleTags bed time story , children , fairy tale , fiction , nature , sea , story , TaleLeave a comment on The day the Sea stood still Trimmed Wings Cages of steel and stone made especially for birds of trimmed wings , who have long ago forgotten that they can even fly . Long , raised beaks that block their view and heavy curved nails that nail them to the ground so they can only walk , and sometimes skip , not knowing that they could be tucked away among the pearly clouds . Dark birds , colourful birds , white birds , transparent birds , loud birds and quiet ones too , they all feel an itchy emptiness in their breast , not realising that the answer lies in their now self trimmed wings . The falcons , eagles and owls fly above them with nonchalance and might , with a freedom they claim to offer but never truly deliver , for the other birds are their prey . So the caged birds look at them and dream and hope and think that one day , if they keep their nails on the floor and their beaks high , then one day they too will become a bird of prey , flying free among the others , looking down on all the ones that were too weak or too unworthy to become like them . But that never happens . Only the ones that stop trimming their own wings are the ones that get a chance to soar . Author toserendipityandbeyondPosted on February 17 , 2017February 17 , 2017Categories TaleTags birds , cages , dark , essay , flying , freedom , poetry , prison2 Comments on Trimmed Wings A good deed I woke up with a headache and a drooling mouth . When I tried to clean it I found out that my hands were shackled to the wall . As I tried to make sense of my situation , my eyes met another pair , which silently gazed at me . He said something , but his voice was merely background noise while my brain attempted to untangle the thoughts racing through my mind . " I remember my warm bed . " I replied . Perhaps if I close my eyes I 'll wake up there again . His only reply was a shadow of frustration that briefly perched on his brow . But it didn 't linger for long . He was about to say something else , when the door was opened . David curled himself up even more against the wall as a man walked in . He kneeled in front of me and grabbed my cheeks with his boney fingers , turning my face one way and then another , while he seemed to conduct a very superficial inspection of my state . When he was satisfied , he dropped his hand on my leg and smiled with a mouth so ugly that most of his teeth had already ran away . " What a fine specimen we have here , " he giggled . I didn 't enjoy the sudden intimacy , so I kicked him in the ribs . Being not much more than a walking skeleton , he was easily thrown across the room . When he got up , I recognised the fire in his eyes and took his kicks and punches without complaining . David blabbered something about me being crazy and to keep my head down , but I was more worried about assessing the situation , so I ignored him . It must be so distracting to have all those feelings demanding constant attention inside your head . I never understood why normal people are so fond of emotions . Right now , his were turning him into a depressing ball of human sweat . It took me a second to decide what I would answer . Telling him the truth would cause him either to freak out even more or to start yelling at me again . My patience has its limits . I forced myself to breathe in and sigh out . " Look , all you have to know about what I do for a living is that I 'm used to this kind of situations . So let 's make a deal : I promise to get you out of here alive if you promise to keep your mouth shut and do what I say . " He thought for a while . He was probably weighing his slim options , whether he could trust me and whether he actually had a choice . Finally , he agreed . He got a morsel of hope and I got some peace and a much needed helping hand . Everyone 's happy . And they say I 'm not a people person … " We 'll have to do the girl first , " said Mafia Guy , scrutinizing the papers on his clipboard . " The other one is running late . Get her ready . " He took a last look at me and disappeared , leaving the door half open . Probably , my short stature and girly look gave me the appearance of a job that could easily be handled by one person . I was appreciative of the opportunity but also slightly offended . Bones walked towards me with a key in his hand . As soon as I heard that ' click ' , I quickly moved my arm away from his reaching hand , and landed my fist on his face . He fell backwards and I threw my legs around his neck . I pulled him closer as he struggled and covered his mouth with my free hand to keep him silent , while trying to use my full weight to smother him until his consciousness drifted away . Then , I seized the key that had fallen next to us , released my left hand and went over to free David . Frisking Bones quickly , I found his gun , checked it for bullets and that it was ready to fire . After putting my head carefully out of the door , I realised that our room opened into a hallway with a flight of stairs at the opposite end , leading up . David followed my steps cautiously , with wide eyes and fidgety hands . The first door on the right was open and we could hear voices , so that 's where I started . With my back against the wall , I listened attentively and was able to distinguish two voices . Let 's hope there isn 't a mute in there as well , I thought . I gestured David to stay put and I slid in , firing the borrowed gun at two men dressed in surgical gowns . In a matter of seconds , there were no more voices , but simply a heavy silence floating in the room . I told David to get in and look for answers in the pile of documents lying on the table , while I stood by the door waiting for anyone that might have heard the shots . I could see that he was shaking as he went in , and he didn 't get much better once he noticed the two bodies on the floor . Reluctantly , he went through the papers scattered on the table . Medical files ? They had access to my file ? I moved away from the door and had a look . Sure enough , there was my medical file , along with David 's and a few others . While I was distracted inspecting the papers , something moved by the door . In a split second , my instincts took over and I ducked under the table , pulling David down with me , as a wave of bullets hit the wall above us . Under the table , I took aim at the shooter 's legs and when he fell I took aim at his head . It was Mafia Guy . I waited a while and then got up , dragging the terrified dead - weight with me . I handed David the man 's gun , who looked at it as if it was about to bite him . " You know how to use that ? " I asked . I took his resigned countenance as a yes . We moved on to the next door but it was locked . " Not yet . " These people needed me for a reason and they had access to a lot of information . After all , finding matching donors for organ donation wasn 't easy and they wouldn 't leave a witness walking about . I wasn 't going to live my life looking over my shoulder , and going to the police was out of the question for me . This had to end here . We headed to the last door and walked into a large , pale surgical room . Poorly hidden behind the surgical table , I found a nurse shivering and sobbing in a pool of tears , which I quickly put out of her misery . I could hear David gasp in horror behind me . I didn 't care . I wasn 't leaving witnesses that might come after me . Suddenly , my eye caught a familiar face . Crouching behind one of the machines was my doctor . The one that was always generously paid to fix me after my assignments and to keep what happened in his office away from the police 's ears . " Care to explain ? " I asked him as he was getting up . He looked at me for a while and then greeted David , who was as shocked to see him as I was . I could see the fear in the doctor 's eyes , even though the old man liked to play tough . " Well , what do you want me to say ? " He responded defiantly . " Taking a crook like you away from this world could almost be considered a civic duty . " " Are you kidding ? They are giving me over £ 100 . 000 for your heart alone . And something close to that for Mr . Hill 's liver . " " Mr . Hill , as you can see , there is a lot of money involved here and , if you help me , a part of it could be yours . The rest of the men are bringing the patient for the transplant as we speak , and they will soon put an end to this little stunt of yours . But I can talk to them on your behalf . After all , this lady is a very bad person . You 'd be saving innocent lives … " So the patient was coming over to us ? Good , I would like to have a chat with the idiot who got me into this mess . I looked at David , curious about what he would decide . Somehow , I wasn 't very surprised when his shaking hand starting to point the gun at me . " Off you go now . Follow that path and you should find your way out . " He seemed surprised . " I promised I would get you out , didn 't I ? What are you waiting for ? Run ! " And run he did . Probably thought I would shoot him in the back . That 's people for you . They always assume I 'm as petty as them . They forget that in order for them to hurt my feelings I would need to have feelings in the first place . I hid in the house and only had to wait for half an hour before they arrived . Two escorts with their guard down and a sick man . It was a fast job . I took their guns just in case , as well as a pack of cigarettes and a lighter , and headed downstairs to get the files . David 's too . The records of our existence were soon reduced to a pile of ashes . Once outside , my nostrils took a deep breath of fresh air . I lit a cigarette . I figured I might as well . After all , being healthy almost got me killed . ( This story was created for the NYC Midnight Short Story Challenge ) Author toserendipityandbeyondPosted on February 17 , 2017February 17 , 2017Categories TaleTags action , blood , dark , doctors , donor , evil , fiction , fight , hospital , organs , short story , story , TaleLeave a comment on A good deed Little Old Things The woman with black hair and green eyes smiled warmly as the man behind the counter handed her the key to her room . He was starting to tell her how to find it , when he stopped mid sentence and decided to take her there instead . The place was quiet , too quiet , and he couldn 't stand the silence that resounded throughout the whole building , grating his ears as nails on a board . He led the way while the woman followed in silence , as if a holy ritual was being performed with every step . When they reached the door to her room she thanked the man and he bade her goodnight , turning away to return to his designated post behind the counter . Now , back to the orchestra of cracking floorboards and rain splattering against the windows , he thought about her . A spectre of white , marbled skin , under a veil of hair as dark as the deep corners of a forbidden forest , had walked into his modest B & B so silently that he only realised she stood behind him when he heard her voice . Her face looked like it had been dried by the passing of the years , her thin body sinking under a black dress of mourning and reverence , a body that seemed to him so out of context away from the golden coffins that are gently cradled by the voice of eternity under the ancient sands of the Nile . " One night , " that 's all she said to him . He tried to read the name she had written down in his book , but her handwriting was impossible to decipher . He heard the kitchen door opening and closing and recognised the cotton steps heading towards him . " Thank you . It 's an old house and much of her beauty has been eroded by time . I would like to restore her but I 'm afraid the business isn 't doing very well at the moment . " " That 's a shame , " she replied . " To allow such a beautiful place to go to waste … I like old things , you see . Old things are thumb stones to all the memories that lived and died around them . Like this watch , for example , " she removed a silver , hand sculptured pocket watch from her purse and showed it to the host . " This watch is as old as time itself . It has seen the rise of mankind and it shall be here to see its fall . " " If it was here before mankind , then who made it ? " He asks . " Not who , but what , " she replied . " But that doesn 't matter at the moment . I want to give it to you as a thank you for having such a pleasant stay . It might help you . Keep it here , close to the front door and good things shall come through it " . " When good things happen … well , don 't question too much . Never try to discover how the watch 's mysteries come to be . It will only break the spell . Make sure you always remember this . " And , with that , she left . The man looked at the beautiful watch resting in his hand , time reverberating gently through his skin with ever tick and every tock . He let out a long sigh . If he sold it , he thought , perhaps he could get enough money to improve his business . " I 'll do it tomorrow " , he decided , for he had a day of work ahead of him . He opened a drawer and placed the watch carefully in it . He starred at it for a minute before finally closing the drawer and going about his work . That day , the mood of the skies changed quickly , with a sunny winter morning turning into an evening of dark stormy clouds , fat with rain and thunder . Throughout the night , the rain knocked against the roof tiles and the windows , like a wet monster begging to be let in , while the wind whistled the ancient songs it had learned far away , bringing with it razors of cold and desolation that swirled around the old house , grazing even further its already beaten surface . At midnight , as the host and his family lay asleep in their beds , oblivious to the changes happening outside , everything went quiet for a moment . Then , with all the force of a torrent , wind and rain forced open all the doors and all the windows , and all went dark inside the old B & B . Family and guests got out of their beds in panic , running about the house closing windows , shutting doors , holding candles that kept being blown off even when there was no wind left in the room . Eventually , things calmed down and everyone was able to return to the land of forgotten fantasies that awaited them in their wooden nests . In hearing this , the man hurried downstairs . When he reached the bottom of the stairs he looked perplexed at the amount of guests flooding his living room . He ran quickly to the counter and started taking names and handing out keys as fast as he could . His little B & B was full by nightfall and the host struggled to find an old forgotten ' Sold out ' sign that his memory assured he still had , hidden under a pile of dust somewhere . As the days passed , the guests kept coming one after another and he easily forgot about the watch and the strange woman who had given it to him . It was only when he opened that drawer looking for a pen that he was reminded of that morning . Now , he began to take her words more seriously . Could it be possible that the watch had caused all of this ? He took the delicate object out of the drawer and held it in his hands in order to see it better . He opened it and closed it again . It was indeed a beautiful piece of craftsmanship , but could it really be magical ? That seemed nonsense to him . After some time , finding that he couldn 't keep it to himself any longer , he decided to tell his wife and daughter what had happened , so as to get their opinion on the matter . As he told them about the woman , the watch , and the warning that she had made before leaving , he was amazed to find excitement in their faces instead of the surprise that he was expecting . Day after day , their B & B seemed to never lose its charm . The rooms were always clean , the flowers were always fresh , the garden was always tended and , every now and then , a brand new garden gnome would appear , like a colourful flower that sprouted during the night . But , remembering the warning that the woman had given , the family never tried to figure out how all of these things were happening . At first , their curiosity was gnawing at their imagination , but soon it all became routine and they grew accustomed to all the mysterious helping hands working around them . And so , they lived happily for a very long time . Most of the guests ended up returning several times and some of them even became long term residents , so the little house was soon filled with new friendships and familiar faces , which made the family 's work and life much more pleasant than before . Of course , every now and then , a guest would leave during the night without paying , but these were rare and for the most part their guests were all pleasant and respectful . One evening , a new couple checked in . At first they seemed perfectly nice but , later on at dinner , after having had a few drinks , the couple began to fight in the middle of the dining room . The other guests were visibly disturbed and a few went up to their rooms sooner than usual , but not without complaining about the noisy couple . The host , who was very tired after a long day of work , gathered all the patience he still had left in him and was able to persuade the couple to retire to their room . During the night , however , the husband became hungry and decided to pay a visit to the kitchen , in order to get something to eat . Half asleep , he dragged himself through the corridors in the darkness , his hands following invisible patterns on the walls . When he reached the kitchen door , he stopped . A dozen child - like voices could be heard singing in unison on the other side , their melody accompanied by an orchestra of kitchen sounds , such as plates and pans , and things boiling and cooking . The man opened the door and went in . " It was him , officer ! " Shouted the woman behind two salty rivers of tears , raising her shaking hand to point at the host . " He was rude to us last night and then he went up to our bedroom and took my husband ! " " Please , madam , I would never do such a thing , " retorted the host . " Your husband has had quite a lot to drink last night . I 'm sure he simply wandered off somewhere while you were asleep and will turn up eventually . " The police tried to get her to go home but she refused . She decided that she wouldn 't leave the B & B until her husband was found . The police , however , without finding any sign of a crime , assured the wife that her husband probably had just left . These cases were common , they said . After all , the couple had been fighting that night and there was no reason to believe that anyone had any real grudge against the man . The officers eventually left , leaving behind a vague promise that they would look into it further . The wife , however , was determined that something had happened . She knew her husband and she was sure that he wouldn 't leave , not like that . No , it was that host ! He clearly had taken a dislike to her husband . She could tell by the way that he talked to them that night . Sure , they were a little loud , but nothing that would merit such a rude attitude . No , her husband didn 't run . It was the host ! He did something to him during the night and she was determined to find proof of that . Hours later , she lay in bed listening to the faint noises that floated gently in the dead of the night . The old house moaned , the invisible mice chased each other inside the walls , the wind sang haunted lullabies that made the trees dance under a ceiling of stars . Unable to fall asleep , she got up and silently headed for the kitchen to get a glass of water . As she opened the door , her eyes faced a sight that made her wonder whether she was still in her bed dreaming . In front of her , a great number of incredibly tiny people went about the kitchen cooking and singing and cleaning . They all stopped at the same time and looked at her . A little winged person took flight and stood hovering in front of her nose for a while , before blowing a strange powder into her eyes . The next day the host let out a sigh of relief when he found out that the woman 's room was empty and that she was gone . All that excitement was affecting the atmosphere in the house and he couldn 't wait for things to go back to normal . This whole affair seemed quite strange to him , but then again he was used to ignoring anything that seemed unusual . And so , after some time , he was able to put the whole thing out of his mind . As he was walking down the stairs his daughter was coming in from her morning walk . " Good morning father " , she greeted , " Have you seen the new gnome that we have in the garden ? ( This story was created for the NYC Midnight Short Story Challenge ) Author toserendipityandbeyondPosted on February 17 , 2017February 17 , 2017Categories TaleTags B & B , competition , dark , fairies , fairy tale , fiction , mystery , NYC challenge , short story , Tale1 Comment on Little Old Things Search for : As you all know , we have a very special pet in our hostel called Tic Toc . He is a dwarf crocodile , a very rare species endemic to the London hostels , and his main duty is to open the luggage room for our lovely guests . However , he is also in charge of eating those who don 't do [ … ] Nico , one of our favourite guests , was back on the kitchen tonight to make us some blueberry muffins with a delicious raspberry topping . His secret ? A pinch of cider added to the dough when you 're not looking . It was worth it though , the muffins were absolutely delicious ! I 'm voting for adding whiskey next time ! After [ … ] Let Ken Lum Lee take you on a photographic tour of Hangzhou and the breathtakingly beautiful Sheraton Grand Hangzhou Binjiang Hotel . Barbara Do you ever feel like something should feel familiar but in reality feels even more alien ? That 's exactly how I felt when I recently went to China . Although I grew up in London all [ … ] |
Leave a reply Bumpy and Hush had been close friends since High School . They were sort of outcasts to the rest of the school because of their appearance , so they gradually transitioned into loners . Bumpy got his name because of the inexorable amount of acne that was plastered on both of his cheeks and his forehead . It was a bizarre sight to look at , and you were bound to lose your appetite if he sat near you at the lunch table . Hush was a step up from him appearance wise , though . He had Alopecia Areata , and because of that , he wasn 't able to grow any facial hair . The spot where his eyebrows were meant to be were completely bald , and he didn 't have an ounce of hair above his lip like most of the other boys in our grade . But that wasn 't it ; the reason everybody called him , " Hush , " was because he wasn 't able to bring his voice above a whisper . Nobody why he spoke with such a low volume and as far as we could tell , it wasn 't due to another medical condition . It was just that he hated talking too loud . I watched them from a distance , and they always kept to themselves and accepted the fact that they were outcasts . In my opinion , between the two of them , Bumpy had the hardest time with it . He was much more of an extrovert than his counterpart , but Hush ? He had no complaints about it at all . It fit his demeanor entirely . Quiet . Sneaky . Always thinking . I would 've given a week 's worth of lunch food to know what was going through his mind , but by the way he looked at everyone , it didn 't seem like it was anything that could 've been spoken out loud . His glare , the way his cheekbones gyrated whenever somebody disrespected him . He just had an eerie vibe about him ; a reclusive personality mixed with a short temper and that was never a good combination . It was blatantly clear that he was headed for a life of crime . Sometimes , that life has a way of choosing you , no matter what your will is . I glanced down at the murder scene ; one man was beaten senseless to the point that he was hardly recognizable . His face was smashed in and bloodied ; cheekbones were broken as well as every other bone that would have kept his countenance in place . His fingers were chopped off , making it much more challenging to identify the victim . This was all at the hands of Hush , and I knew it , even though there was no evidence pointing to him , I knew his calling card . Once he wanted to get rid of you , his aim was to get rid of you and make it seem as if you never existed . That way , whenever we were fortunate enough to find a body , there was nearly no way to identify who he was for sure . He even went as far as knocking each and every last one of his victim 's teeth out to keep us from checking it against dental records . I took a puff of my cigarette and blew the smoke into the night air . It fluttered around us like a cloud before it disappeared , " Yeah . No doubt about it . " " Sheesh . This is the third body we have found like this in the past two weeks . I 'll tell you what , we better find something here , or else , heads in the department will start rolling . After that , it will be better if one of us are one of these dead men that are popping up around the city . " He tapped me on my shoulder and then stood up to walk back towards the other police officers . I blew another cloud of smoke into the air as I looked up to the sky . Damnit , Hush - I said to myself - what are you up to now ? His mother took a seat in the front room , oblivious to the fact that her son was yelling for her attention . She wiped a tear from her eye and glanced at his picture as he laughed and walked into the room . " Mama , why are you ignoring me ? Are you mad that I broke curfew again last night ? Alright , I 'm sorry . It won 't happen again . " He sat down next to her but still , she didn 't say a word . She rocked back and forth on the edge of the couch , holding her arms as if she was freezing but the temperature was calm . A faint breeze blew through the front room window that was halfway open , causing the curtains to flutter as if they were waving goodbye . The front door opened suddenly as her husband walked through somberly . " Pop , " his son said as he stood up , " Can you talk to Mom ? She is really mad at me right now , and she hasn 't said a word since I came in here . " His father ignored him on his way towards his wife as he placed his phone on the table and put his arm around her while she cried on his shoulder . " It 's going to be alright , sweetheart . We will make it through . " Their son 's eyebrows wrinkled together like an accordion as he watched their interaction . His mother spoke , " Honey , I just … I just can 't believe this happened . He wasn 't the type to resist anything , and we didn 't raise him that way ! Why are they saying these things about our boy ! " " I know , baby , I know . We can 't listen to that right now . It won 't do anything but make us angrier , ok ? Don 't watch the news , don 't read the paper , don 't go on the internet . We have to keep our minds clear right now . " Their son didn 't understand why he was being ignored until he looked at his father 's cell phone screen . He could hardly breathe when he saw his picture and read what was on its face , " RIP , my only son . Wesley Armon Jones . " Suddenly , everything went dark as his mind slowly pieced together what happened on his way home from a party with his friends last night . The last thing he saw was an officer with his gun aimed directly at him as he yelled , " My hands are up , officer ! They are up ! " I hope you all have been enjoying the short stories that I have been posting . I started out doing them once a week , but as my Ghostwriting career took off , I began to find it more difficult to continue writing weekly stories in addition to the other contracts that I picked up . However , another project that has taken up a lot of my time is my upcoming novel , " Strange Fruit in the Concrete Jungle . " Oh , you didn 't know that I was writing a novel ? Well , let me fill you in on the plot ! Ehhis is young man who moves from a small , racist town in Idlewild , Texas to Harlem , NY in 1921 . He has aspirations of presenting an unheard of form of art to the citizens of Harlem , Spoken - Word . But his dreams of becoming an entertainer are quickly interrupted when he witnesses a murder within the first few months of his move to Harlem . Against the advice of one of his good friends , he speaks to the police and is prepared to testify in court . If he testifies against the killer , it will expose a string of corrupt cops and city officials and their ties to a viscous , black crime mob terrorizing Harlem . The powers that be are not prepared to let that happen so they seek to handle it the best way they can ; eliminate Ehhis . Not knowing who to trust and where to go , Ehhis becomes a target of one of the most dangerous crime families in Harlem as he stubbornly continues pursuing his dreams as an entertainer . In a narrative that captures the essence of 1920 's Harlem with breathtaking descriptions and painstaking imagery of the Renaissance , it will make you feel as if you are right there with the characters . Journey with Ehhis through his triumphs and downfalls in this epic story of ambition and determination . It will leave you speechless and inspire you to always keep going , no matter what is ahead of you . There are a couple of snippets of the book inside of this blog and if you want to check them out , just look for the book the cover when you scroll through my blog posts . I have enjoyed every moment of this process , from starting out in three notebooks ( Yes , I wrote the ENTIRE first draft of the novel by hand and it is over 111k words ) , transferring it to the computer , creating in - depth characters and studying the time period so I would be sure to have everything close to how it really was in the 1920 's . I have even written a movie script to go along with the novel ! I have put a lot of time and effort into this project and I am thoroughly excited about its release ! I am currently on my third edit of the book and it is going well , but I am reaching the point that I realize I cannot do it all on my own . Check out the page and see what is going on with this ground - breaking novel that captures the essence of the renaissance ! Thank you in advance ! Peace . She let out a scream that would 've shaken the graves of those who passed away . It was her first child , and she didn 't know what to expect . When the doctor came in with a needle the size of her finger , she waved it off , " You have to stick that in my back ? No , I 'll pass . " The epidural would 've saved her from a multitude of pain , but she wasn 't privy to it . As a matter of fact , she rarely saw the doctor throughout the pregnancy so it was a tossup as to whether or not the child would be born without any difficulties . Her mother passed away when she was five , and it left her father to raise her on his own . At the time , he was twenty - three , and he was so caught up in his own life that he didn 't make time for her . Luckily , she had a grandmother who was older but still willing to take custody of Monica to keep her from going into the foster care system . She had seen first - hand the effects that could have on a child , so she did what she had to do . Her name was Janice Carter , and she was her father 's mother , but Monica only knew her as Mama . In the hospital room , the nurse stood beside her and held her hand as she used a towel to wipe the sweat from her forehead . " You 're doing great , Monica . Just keep going . " She coached her from the side and as a two - time mother herself , she knew the pain the Monica was going through and did her best to ease it all . Trey , the child 's father , stormed out in an unbelievable rage the day he found out Monica was pregnant . The scene wasn 't how she expected it to go at all . She walked to the couch as he sat , watching Sunday football with a burger in his hand that she just prepared for him . They were both nineteen years old , and Janice passed away two years before , but she left her the house that she paid for before she died . Janice was living in a three bedroom house with no mortgage , and the only thing she had to pay for was the monthly bills , something she could manage as a cashier in a department store . " Do you like the burger ? " Trey didn 't turn to look at her when he answered , " Yeah , it 's straight . " The announcer on the television spoke up as the play just began . Monica reached into her pocket and pulled out two pictures to place them on the table . After a few moments , she realized that Trey wasn 't going to look at them from there , so she picked them up and set them on his lap . He stopped in mid - chew and glanced down at them , speaking will a full mouth . His voice was muffled , " What is this ? " She was nervous because she didn 't know how he would take it but she knew the truth had to come out eventually , " These are sonograms . We 're um ; we 're gonna have a baby . " She had been dating Trey for almost a year and even though it was off - and - on , it was still the most consistent relationship either of them had . Monica smiled at him as she waited for a response and suddenly , she got it . Trey smacked the small photos off his lap as they fluttered to the ground , " Pregnant ? ! Nah , I … I don 't know why you 're tellin ' me that . You know I pull out every time we don 't use a condom . " She exhaled , hoping that it didn 't go this way , but she knew it was a slim chance that it wouldn 't . She sat back on the couch as seclusion saturated her facial expression . He slammed the plate down on the table , nearly shattering it as the top bun of his burger flew onto the floor . " Nah , nah , I know that ain 't mine . You 've been cheatin on me , Monica , huh ? You 've been messin ' around with somebody else , and since they got you pregnant , you 're tryin to pass it off as mine ? " " Whatever , Monica ! You can tell me anything you want to ! Oh , I guess the dude I saw you at the grocery store with ain 't nobody , huh ? Go and tell him that you 're pregnant ! " " Whatever ! Look , I ain 't stayin ' here for this ! I ' ma let you go and find the real father of that baby and tell him the news because it ain 't mine ! " He looked down at the sonograms that laid spread out on the floor and when he reached down to grab one , he ripped it into pieces and flung them into the air like confetti . " And don 't call me until you get all this situated ! I 'm done ! For real ! " He stormed out of the house and slammed the door behind him , the vibration knocked pictures off the wall as Monica buried her head into the couch and cried out loud . It was an acute pain that she hadn 't felt before , the precise stabbing of small needles into her heart as she was on the verge of hyperventilating . Suddenly , she felt a cool and calm spirit around her . " It 's gonna be alright , Monica , " the voice said as she looked up with teary , reddened eyes . She calmed her breathing and sat up as she looked to the floor to grab the two pictures that were still intact . On the back of them , she wrote , " Monica and Trey 's baby , " and placed them on her table . The truth was the truth , no matter what Trey said . Inside the hospital , she pushed again but this time , the baby was fully out as the doctor suctioned the fluids out of his mouth and patted him on the back until his first cries came out . " There we are , theeere we are little boy , you 're fine , you 're fine , " the doctor said as he passed him to the nurses to they could quickly clean him up . Monica was out of breath and suddenly , the pain she had seconds ago seemed to all be worth it once she realized her baby boy had come out unharmed . " Can I … can I see him ? " she asked , still trying to recollect herself . " Of course ! They are just cleaning him and then they will bring him right to you . " They walked over with her baby boy and placed him in her arms as tears rolled down her face . The nurse that was by her side continued to coach her , " Just hold him close to your skin for a while so his body temperature can regulate . Yes , that 's it , right by your bosom . " Monica held him close and kissed him on the cheek as he relaxed , his eyes moving around aimlessly like he knew he was no longer in the comfort of the womb . " Do you have a name for him ? " the nurse asked as she admired them . " Yes . His name is Allen . Allen Travelle Taylor . " From that day , she always held him close to her and when Trey came to visit his son in the hospital , Monica rolled her eyes at him . He hadn 't contacted her at all for the entire length of the pregnancy , but Monica didn 't want her son to grow up without her father around , so for his sake , she told Trey what hospital she was in . When he came in , his hair had grown out and was on the verge of locking up . His pants sagged just below his waist , and he had all types of jewelry hanging from his neck and around his wrists . During the last nine months , Monica had gotten word that Trey started selling drugs to make extra money . He walked over to look at his baby boy , but honestly , he wasn 't interested in him , and he still hadn 't accepted the fact that he belonged to him . He stuck his finger inside the incubator and smiled at Allen , but quickly left his side and stood by Monica . He reached out for her hand , but she snatched it away , " What do you want , Trey ? I thought you were here to see the baby . " He smiled arrogantly , " Yeah , I did come for that , but I came for you , too . I miss you . I miss what we had . " She sucked her teeth , " Trey , get out of here with that , for real . You dissed me nine months ago and after all the morning sicknesses , the cravings , and everything else I had to go through BY MYSELF , you wanna come back around ? Nah , I 'm not goin ' there with you . There is your son . He is the only reason we will ever need to communicate with each other . " He reached out for her hand , His nostrils flared , the same look he had when she told him that she was pregnant and with that , he left the room without once looking at his son . Monica refused to let tears fall from her eyes over him as Allen moved around in his incubator . He deserved more than what Trey was going to give him , and Monica knew it but for now , she was only focused on raising her son to the best of her ability . The two of them yelled back and forth from the kitchen to the front room until Monica sighed and got up , " If I come in there and grab that ketchup , I promise I am going to pop you upside your head ! " She walked in as Allen stood with the ketchup in his hand and a broad grin on his face . He burst out laughing as soon as he saw her . Monica shot him a look of disgust before she charged at him . She was thirty - four years old , but she still looked as though she was in her mid - twenties and people had a hard time believing that she was the mother of a 15 - year - old boy . She still lived in her grandmother 's house , but now , she worked as a supervisor at a call center and made well over enough money to keep her and her son happy . Allen was a good kid for the most part , but she saw a lot of Trey in him . His temper , mainly , was what she worried about the most . He was always getting into fights at school and with children around the neighborhood . His father came close to laying hands on her when she was younger , but he never crossed the line . With Allen though , it didn 't seem that he had that kind of restraint when it came to other people . The two of them had an air - tight relationship and even though he didn 't have a father figure in his life , he still had a good grasp on what it was like to be a man . His teacher , Mr . Weston , did much to structure him as much as he could , and he recognized Allen as a bright student during the parent teacher conferences . " Allen is really a smart kid , Monica . He just gets mixed up with the wrong crowd a lot of times , you know ? Bad company corrupts good morals , so all of the good things you are teaching him at home sort of gets washed away when he comes around these group of kids . " That was what he said each time Allen had gotten into trouble at school , and he was on the verge of being kicked out of Madison High School if he kept up his behavior . Trey had only seen Allen twice in his lifetime , once at the hospital and then once again when Allen was five . Allen said that he had no memory of his father and even though Monica tried her best not to talk bad about Trey in front of his son , Allen still drew his own conclusion . He was a mirrored image of his father , same thick eyebrows and dark brown eyes . His hair kinked up the same way Trey 's did when he started growing it out , and Monica would shake her head at how much the two of them resembled . At times , it scared her because she felt that somehow , she had gone back in time and started life as a teenager all over again . Those thoughts only lasted for split seconds , though , and she hated when it happened . Trey continued to be a dope dealer since the day he left the hospital and for a while , he was making a lot of money . Monica would hear how he was driving new cars almost every other week and flashing pockets full of twenty dollar bills and tossing them up at the strip clubs like they were dollar bills . Ten years after Allen was born , Trey was robbed by a group of other men and the ended up shooting him in the legs . The doctors thought he would be paralyzed , but amazingly , he regained his ability to walk after extensive rehab sessions . He had a limp , but it was better than strolling along in a wheelchair . Back at the house , Allen was preparing to leave . " Aight Mama , I ' ma be back later on . " He grabbed his bag and headed to the door , When he got far enough away from the house , he looked inside of his bag to make sure he had everything . A black Glock 9 and a few bags of weed was what he needed for the trip he and Ricky were about to make . Ironically , he followed in the same footsteps of his father except he started at a much younger age . He was influenced by the wrong crowd , and when the music videos showed him what it was to be a man , he figured he needed to step into his place as well . He made it over to Ricky 's house , " What up , fam ? " They shook hands as Ricky spoke , They headed to the West side of town to make a drop . Allen knew that it would be dangerous because they were going on unknown territory but he wasn 't scared at all . In fact , Ricky was the one who was calm , and it was just because Allen was there . As they rode to the West Side , Allen glanced at his phone . " My Moms is calling , man . She is about to snap once she finds out where I 'm at . She probably called your mom first . " Ricky drove his car with one hand on the steering wheel , " Yeah . Don 't answer that , though . Just wait until we get back . " Allen slid his phone back in his pocket , and twenty minutes later , they arrived on the West Side of town . Both of them were unfamiliar with the area , but they knew where they needed to go . Little did Allen know , Trey lived on the same side of town , but Allen wouldn 't be able to pick him out of a lineup , let alone identify his relation to him . " Aight , you ready ? The house is right there , " Ricky said as they were parked on the street . " Aight , Let 's go . " They both got out of the car and headed towards the house as Trey walked down the sidewalk with a limp . He was still on edge since the time he had gotten shot and even though it was almost ten years ago , he never forgot the moment it happened . A group of young boys , close to the ages of Ricky and Allen , were the reason he had to walk with a limp . As they approached him , Allen put his hand near his waist . In unfamiliar territory , he always wanted to be ready to pull out if it came down to it . Trey tensed up as they inched towards each other 's path , " Whassup , little nigga ? " he said as he stopped in the middle of the sidewalk to block their path , " Yall don 't belong over here . I can tell . What 's up ? " Allen glared at him , but before he responded , he realized that something was off about him . It was like he was looking in a mirror and watching an older version of himself right in front of him . Ricky spoke up , " We ain 't here to see you , so watch out . " Trey didn 't budge , and when Ricky shoved him back , Allen snapped out of his trance and pulled his gun out , " Look , we ain 't come here for all that . We just trying to see Snap , aight ? " In Trey 's mind , flashbacks of the fateful night he was shot twice by the group of boys began to replay in his mind . He looked down the dark barrel of the gun , oblivious to any detail of Allen that might have told him that they were related . It was all erased , and the only thing he could focus on was avoiding being gunned down again by a group of teens . As Allen pointed the gun at Trey , he froze again . He saw his own eyebrows , lips , nose and eyes on the face of this man in front of him . His eyebrows wrinkled up but to Trey , he sensed hesitation . He is not going to shoot me , he said in his mind . He had been living a street life for a while , and he knew when somebody was going to shoot and when they were bluffing . Allen wasn 't bluffing by any means , but seeing his features on another man bugged him out completely . Slowly , he began to wonder if the man standing in front of him was his father . Before he could react to his thoughts , Trey pulled the pistol from his waist and as Allen was on the verge of yelling for him to stop . Pow ! Pow ! Pow ! Trey emptied his clip into Allen as Ricky ran from the scene . Blood spilled from his body as he laid on the sidewalk , gasping for air . Trey stood over him and shook his head , " Not this time , little nigga . Not this time . " As Ricky sped off , Trey turned around and limped away from the scene of the murder . Allen laid there with his eyes wide open ; chest covered in blood as his gasps for air slowly ended . If you are not being a father to your son , you are killing your son . Leave a reply The sun beamed down on them as they sat outside on the outskirts of a park in New York City . It was the place that people came to find good chess competition . He emptied the pieces out of his brown paper bag as they slid onto the table and banged into one another . He set each piece up carefully , first the King and Queen , then the Bishops , the Knights , the Rooks and finally the Pawns . When he placed the clock on the side of the table , she walked up to him and took a seat . He looked at her with a haughty smirk as she glared down at the chessboard . She wore jeans and a black , sleeveless shirt with a small bag strapped over her shoulder . Her smile was alluring and had been the downfall of many men before her . Her lips were full like moons at the winter solstice . Her eyes were barely visible behind her dark shades while her brown skin was as smooth as soft , chocolate ice cream . The man shook his head , " Are you lost , little lady ? " She didn 't pay attention to his sarcasm as she nodded to the clock , " Whenever you 're ready . " He was a shark , one of the best players that this park had seen in quite some time , but she was by no means intimidated by his reputation . She enjoyed the strategy of the game just as much as anybody else . The way everything is set up to attack the king slowly or quickly with tactical means . She went in for the kill if it was there every time . She hardly ever waited because patience wasn 't her strong suit . If she had to , she would wait for the kill but for the most part , she wanted to pounce as soon as her opponent made his mistake . This was her life but to him , it was just a game , and that is where he made the mistake . He extended his hand and with that , she picked up her first piece and slapped the clock . Pawn , E4 . Pawn , D4 . Pawn , C3 . She was playing a gambit , and he fell right into it . Moments later , his fallacious smirk slowly began to fade as she pushed him into taking pieces so that she could get into a better attacking position . A small crowd started to gather as he looked at her . She folded her arms just under her chest as her breasts sat perfectly on top of her forearms . She was built like a model , and every man knew it . Most times , they were caught off guard when she showed what she could do , and that 's what she loved the most . Words she lived by . During each of his moves , she shifted her head slightly to the right , picking up on every sound the piece made when it came in contact with the board . She was a student of the game . When she was younger , her father blindfolded her and made her play games against him . " Focus on the sound of the board . You have to learn how to see your opponent 's moves before they do . You have to see the whole board in your mind before you can take apart your adversary . Always remain two steps ahead of them . " It wasn 't the same since he passed away and even thought she was responsible for it , she had good reason to do it . Things changed a lot as she grew up in her parent 's home and that was one of the things she had to deal with . She had to deal with his death on her terms and most of the times ; they came in the form of nightmares . She tapped her finger across the surface of the table as his clock ticked further and further down . He simultaneously looked between her and the board as his hands started to shake and people around began to gasp at the fact that he was on the verge of being dismantled by this attractive young woman . She wasn 't from around here . She was too quiet to be a New Yorker . Too reserved . Too calm . Her accent wasn 't gritty . He makes his move , and she smiles . She could have ended the game , but she wanted him to suffer . She enjoyed it . She moved her Bishop down and took his Queen and with that move , you could feel the torment shooting from his soul . He flipped his King over onto the board as the people around stood with their mouths open . It wasn 't completely because he had lost because , even with his skill , he has seen defeat a few times before in that very park . What caused everyone to remain with looks of unbelief plastered onto their faces were her eyes . The coolness of the gray that covered her iris 's when she removed her glasses . The way she looked at her opponent with eyes full of nothing and winked at him as if she could see everything in front of her . It was the same look she had given the men before she ended their lives . Her beautiful smile was where they underestimated her . The perfect shape of her lips coated with black lipstick , the complexion that wrapped around her body flawlessly . The beauty mark that sat right in the middle of her cheek and made a small trail to the edge of her eyes . Two long french braids hung down from both sides of her head . Her pulchritude was uncanny , and it hid who she was . Moments later , she got up and walked away from the table , parting the crowd with each step like the red sea . She was dangerous . Much more dangerous than anything that chess table had ever seen . He smiled and got up from the table to fix two more plates . He was that kind of guy . A loving father who was willing to sacrifice his things just to make sure his two women were ok . Jade Bowen was the only child of two well - off parents . Her Father was a defense attorney , and her mother made her living as a surgeon . There wasn 't much that the family couldn 't get if they wanted it , but they did their best not to spoil Jade , and so far , they did well . She was seventeen and just a few months away from graduating High School and had aspirations of going off to College to major in pharmaceuticals and follow the path of her mother . She was fascinated with repairing wounds and sewing up deep wounds were guilty pleasures for her . The blood didn 't make her queasy the way it did her father . She had a strong stomach , and her mother was the same way . Her parents were pleased because they wanted her to understand that she should have to work for everything she got , just as they did . Moments later , her mother came down the stairs . She was a more mature version of her mother . Her body filled out in a way that her daughter patiently waited for . " If that is my mom , " she thought to herself , " Then I know my body will be here sooner or later . " She walked into the kitchen with her house robe on and tied it once she got to the table . Her father turned around as he pulled juice from the refrigerator , " Oh , so Jade just automatically gets my credit ? " he said as he placed the juice on the table . Her mother laughed , " I knew you were going to throw a hissy fit ! I was just playing ; I knew that you made it . Jade 's lazy behind just got up ! " She leaned over and kissed her daughter on the cheek , then walked to her husband and put her arms around him as she pushed her lips against his . They had been married for thirteen years , and most people would say that was an unlucky number . The Bowen 's didn 't believe in luck or anything like that , but that thirteenth year of marriage is when things started to become unhinged for them . On the subway , she took a seat right next to an older white man . She folded her hands across her legs as the train glided across the tracks . The lights flashed into the car every few seconds as she took a book out of her purse and ran her fingers across the small dots on the pages . The older black man with silver hair looked down at her book , then towards her . As she turned a page , she spoke , " The Invisible Man . I love this book . Have you read it ? " The older man adjusted his glasses , " I have . I have read it , indeed . " He paused for a few moments , " Have you ever wanted to become invisible ? " Suddenly , she remembered that same thirteenth year of marriage , and it was at that moment that she wished she was invisible . Her father lost his job because he lost a case that he was forced to take . His confidence was sky high at the time , and he hadn 't seen a loss in the courtroom in a few years , but even he wasn 't sure that he could get a man off for a double murder . It was the governor 's son , and the case was as highly profiled as it could get , and when the jury came back with the verdict , it was like a pillowcase of bricks collided into his chest . From that point , he was let go of the firm and blackballed in the state . He couldn 't find another job as a lawyer if he sold his first born and the thought crossed his mind more than a few times . He was unraveling before his family 's eyes , and as the time passed , he picked up a bottle more than he did a phone to search for jobs . Jade 's mother , Allison , was become weary by the day , but she did her best to hold it together even though things were becoming tight on them . They had tapped out of all of their savings and started dipping into Jade 's college fund . She fixed dinner on her day off as Maurice stumbled into the kitchen . She sighed when he walked up to her and put his arms around her waist . " Maurice , not now . I 'm tryin ' to get dinner done . " He kept trying to kiss her until she sucked her teeth and spoke with more attitude , " Maurice ! I said not now ! " He stumbled as he took a few steps away from her . His speech was slurred , " What … what are you talkin ' about not now ? You 're … you 're MY wife and I can … I can do whatever I please to you . Now , come here and let me get a kiss . " He walked over to her again , but this time , she lifted her elbow and pushed it into his chest , " I said not now , Maurice ! I need to finish cooking ! " It may have been the stress that built up over the past seven months of unemployment , but now , the look in his eyes was much different than it was before . The man that was full of love had become bitter . Angry . Resentful . He bottled it all inside of him when he should 've released it because now , it had the propensity to come out at the wrong moment . He had an unbridled sea of emotions swirling around inside of him that was just waiting to be released . He hadn 't been able to control them and for the most part , he had become a wild card . He said as every word left his tongue as if it weighed one hundred pounds . He lifted his hand and sent it crashing down into her face again but this time , she shoved him back into the table and knocked the dinner plates onto the ground . Just then , Jade ran into the kitchen in the midst of the commotion and saw her mother bleeding from her lip , and her father tumbled onto the ground next to the shattered glass . When he got to his feet , he charged forward again , but they both moved out of the way . They had been through this before , though . This wasn 't the first time he had put his hands on her . It had nearly become a weekly occurrence for the past two months , and Jade was tired of it . She was tired of seeing her mom hurt , and her mother was tired of making up excuses for the cuts and bruises she had all over her body . Only one person can have so much misfortune happen to them at once , and things had become difficult to explain away . He walked over to Jada , " Mo . . move out of the way , Jada . This is between me an … me and yo ' mama . " Jada knew what was coming . Ever since she knew she wasn 't going to be able to go to College , she wanted to go to the army instead . She felt she would be able to make the most money in the quickest way to help her mother as much as she could . She took courses on how to handle guns and enrolled herself in multiple self - defense classes to help her hone in on her hand to hand combat . She stepped in - between her mom and dad to help protect her mother as the rage built behind his glare . He took his hand and thrust it into her chest . She fell into the stove and smacked her head forcefully into the corner of it . Jada grabbed her head as she started to lose consciousness and her mother rushed over to her . Maurice grabbed Allison by the hair and threw her backward into the wall and slowly started walking to her with a staggered limp as if he was a zombie . With the little strength she had , Jada pulled herself up and grabbed a knife from the drawer . Maurice lifted his hand and sent it crashing down into Allison over and over , " This is th … this is the last time I ' ma … I ' ma tell you about talkin ' … talkin ' back to me ! " Pow ! He sent another hand down onto her cheek , and suddenly , he stopped and looked at his stomach to see the tip of a long steak knife sticking out of it . Soon after that , blood began to trickle down his mouth as Allison looked up in horror . Maurice gasped for air as more blood fell from his mouth and he dropped to his knees . The very last thing Jada saw was her father on her back , choking on his blood . Moments later , she passed out . Back on the train , she turned slightly towards the older white man , " Once . One time . But I have no regrets . " She quickly turned towards her book and continued reading as the train came to a stop . The older man got up and got off as she closed her book and trailed him like a shadow . He didn 't suspect a thing , and that 's how she saw it in her head before it happened . She studied him . She knew he was a fan of Ralph Waldo Emerson and flashing the book in front of him would force him to speak to her so she could get the tone of his voice . She didn 't plan on needing it , but she was told to always see the whole board before she made her move . Cover every angle . She could tell you his age , height , and complexion and she hadn 't laid an eye on him . She was good at what she did , and that 's why she was on . She was a ghost . He headed up the elevator to his office building and went into his corner room . When he took his suit jacket off and hung it on the rack , he walked to the window that overlooked downtown . He put his hands behind his back as his gray hairs reflected the sunlight that beamed down onto him . He cleared his throat , " I didn 't think you would be coming this soon . " He fixed his glasses as his reflection in the glass window shined back at him and seemingly out of nowhere , Jade emerged . " But you knew I would be coming . " He laughed , " Yes . Yes , I did . However , I did not suspect that you would have been on the train with me . " She walked closer to his desk as he continued standing with his hands behind back . He was wealthy himself , the owner of the largest grocery chain in the world . However , his desire to stay connected to the common people was astounding . He rode the train , the subway , and the city bus at least once a week so he wouldn 't become so haughty and high - minded . It worked as good as anything else could have as his workers , even starting , were paid two dollars above minimum wage and qualified for healthy benefits only after three months of employment . He was one of the good guys , but the industry saw him as a bad apple . He wasn 't falling in line with what the rest of the men in his position did and therefore , he knew the end was coming . He knew that not falling in line with the status quo and succumbing to the powers that be ; there would be a stiff penalty . He was prepared , though . She reached into her bag and placed two items on his desk ; a poison that he could ingest and send him away quietly or a double - edged blade that would sever his head from his body with little to no force applied . Her escape was already planned . She walked his office many times on his lunch breaks without him noticing that she had been there . He was positioned on the fifteenth floor , but she scoped out an exit through the ventilation system that led right outside . She would grapple down the building and come down through the sunroof of a car driven by another member of the agency , and they would be gone before anybody could blink twice . They were professionals . He spoke , not once turning towards her . It was slightly jarring that he said her name . However , she wasn 't deterred . She wasn 't going to dive off into unnecessary conversations . She was there to do a job , and that was it . The sun beamed down on him as he squinted his eyes and remained in his position , " You know , I pride myself on the things that I do for my employees . I respect them and in turn , they are willing to work for me and help keep my business afloat . I understand that - " she interrupted him , " Albert , please . " He slowly turned towards her with a smile on his face and his stomach round and plumped like a globe was stuffed in his shirt . His dark skin enveloped his body as if he was dipped in a dark , oily river as he looked at the options in front of him . He picked up the small bottle and opened the lid , " Temazepam , " he said as he spread the pills on the table . Jade stood in front of him with the blade in her hand , a silenced 9 - millimeter pistol in the other . He looked at her and smiled , " Ah , three choices now , huh ? " He didn 't seem to be worried , not even in the slightest fashion . Death is something that he was prepared for ever since he took his stance . His will was prepared , and all of his businesses were in order . He picked up a few pills and walked over to his water dispenser , " Would you like a drink ? " She stood there silently , her dark shades facing in his direction . " Just being hospitable , " he said as he pressed the release button for the water . It splashed into his paper cup , and he nearly filled it to the brim , then walked back to his desk and took a seat . Her head moved with each step he took until he was perched in his chair . She tightened her finger on the trigger as Albert tested her patience . He looked up to her , " I 'll be sure to tell Allison hello for you when I get there . " Suddenly , she paused , and the chances of that happening when she was in the midst of a job were unheard of , but right now , she was frozen . The machine in the hospital beeped right next to her bed as Jade stood by her mom , stroking her hand delicately to calm her anxiety . Even though she told her she was fine , Jade knew the truth . She could feel emotions better than most people could read faces . Her senses seemed to enhance weeks after she lost her vision . " I 'm here , Mama . I 'm not going anywhere . " Five years after Allison 's husband was killed , she was diagnosed with malignant cancer that was rapidly eating away at her insides . The doctors said that she didn 't have many more days to live , however , the time she spent in the hospital was as pleasant as anyone 's last days could be . She was bombarded with flowers and balloons almost on a daily basis just to show that she was appreciated . Albert had grown quite fond of her in the past few years . Although she wasn 't making herself available by any means , he still pursued her and , in fact , he was seeking to make her his bride . Jade knew all of this , but business is business . She stood in front of him as he took a deep breath and leaned his head back with the pills in the palm of his hand . Suddenly , he stopped and tilted his head forward as he put the cup of water back on the table . " You know what , " he said , " You 're going to have to - " and before he could finish , she sent a shot from her silenced pistol that went through his forehead and out of the glass behind him . She was through the ventilation system before his body hit the ground . 2 Replies " I don 't know , it was all just a blur , " he said as the detective sat across from him with his arms folded across his chest . He sucked his teeth at the young man 's response . He knew there was something off . The way he fidgeted in his chair . How he consciously avoided eye contact whenever the detective looked him squarely into his bold , brown eyes . " A blur , huh ? You really expect me to believe that ? Your best friend is dead . Your wife is dead . You hear me . DEAD . And you have the nerve to sit there , no tear in your eye , no feelings of remorse , nothing ! " the detective spoke as his deep voice began to rise , " on top of that , all you can give me is , ' it was all just a blur ' ? ! " The man leaned back in his chair , scooting further away from the detective but going nowhere . The room was small and the detective sat as close to him as possible , knees brushing against his . The room they sat in became smaller by the second . The young man fanned himself with his hand as the temperature increased in the room . " Is … is it getting ' hot in here or is it just me ? " he asked the detective with a befuddled look . The detective said nothing . It was all calculated because they knew he was semi - claustrophobic . The fact that they chose the smallest room available . The way the detective sat as close to him as he did . The sudden raise in room temperature . The detectives on the other side of the glass watched as one of them consistently increased the temperature in the room every five minutes . The two detectives involved in this case were strong chess players . Their mouths all watered whenever they had the opportunity to employ these type of strategic moves during their interrogation . " Well , can I at least get some water or somethin ' ? I feel like I 'm about to pass out " the young man said as if the life was draining from his body . The detective motioned towards the two way mirror . Moments later , another detective brought in a bottled water . It was much warmer than room temperature . The young man gaggedThe young man straightened out his shirt and picked up the bottled water . It was halfway empty as he took another swig , smiling at the two way mirror . Inside , he was breaking apart . His best friend and his wife was just murdered right in front of his eyes . His tears would never be seen by any detective but the truth ? We would all die to know it . It wasn 't that he was afraid to snitch , it was just the code that he lived by . He didn 't want justice in the form of prison bars . He wanted street justice . There was no way the men who did this would live to see another day . He already had it made up in his mind . " He 's not breaking " the large detective said to his counterpart on the other side of the glass , " he 's smart . He 's in there mocking us drinking that water knowing it 's hot . He knows good got - damn well it 's hot and he 's still drinking it ! " he said as the anger seeped out of him in the form of erratic yelling . " Hey , hey big fella , calm down . We 'll get him " the other detective said as he peered at him from behind the window , " he knows something . Maybe he didn 't do it . Matter of fact , I 'm sure he didn 't do it but he knows who did . " They peered at him as he sat in the room , still drinking the warm water . He emptied the bottle and held it up to the mirror , pointing at it as if he was suggesting a refill . " Look at him ! Look at him ! That cocky son of a - " , the other detective interjected , " easy , easy big man . That 's what he wants you to do . He wants you to lose your mind and pull something out of your behind that you have no way of proving . Let me take a run at him " he said as more of a heads up call than asking for permission . He walked into the room with another bottled water . The condensation from the coolness dripping off the surface of it . " Sorry about that last one " the slim detective said , " I know it was kinda ' warm . Don 't know how it got to you that way . " The young man shook his head , seeing right through the feeble attempt to cover the lie . " Don 't sweat it " he said , speaking with a double entendre . He unscrewed the top and took a swallow , internally savoring the coolness but being sure not to give the detective the satisfaction of knowing that he appreciated it . " How about a towel ? " the detective asked . The young man left it dangling in the detective 's hand . " I 'm good " he said in a low , barely discernable voice . The slim detective smiled and laid it over the young man 's knee completely disregarding his response . " Oh , I 'm sorry . Let me clarify . The murder you witnessed . I know the death of your friend and your wife is something hard to digest . The shock of it all may not have passed you yet so I 'm not concerned with your lack of emotion . I 've seen it all many times before . " " Newlyweds , huh ? She was a beautiful young woman . It 's a shame she had to go so soon . I bet you guys were just beginning to enjoy each other . " " Hold on young fella , just hold on . Now , like my man say , you look good for this murder . Ballistic reports show that your gun was fired . The shell casings in the house match your gun . Your prints are all over the weapon . I mean , it 's not looking good for you right now . " The detective scooted closer to the young man and spoke in a low voice as if he was trying to keep what he had to say a secret between those two , " look , in my heart I don 't believe you did it . Not for one second . But the prosecution ? They are looking for somebody to put away for this and right now , you fit the bill . " The young man sucked his teeth and took another gulp of water , peering over the bottle at his accuser . " A bluff " he thought to himself , " and a horrible one at that . " " Don 't you even care about the two people you had close relationships with ? The two people that died in the same room you were in ? I mean , you 're coming off pretty heartless right now , don 't you think ? " " Look . It 's going one of two ways ; either you killed them both or you had them set up . We did a little digging around . " " No , like finding a motive . You don 't think we knew that your wife and best friend were fooling around with each other ? " The young man froze , staring just beyond the detective into the wall behind him . The news hit his chest like a bag of bricks and a nauseous feeling went straight to his stomach . He kept a straight face , " everybody knew that " he said as he fell apart inside . His best friend and his wife . He had seen it too much in reality TV shows . It was something him and his wife would shake their heads at all the time . She covered it perfectly to the point that he never suspected a thing . Had he found out , he may have really been on the hook for murder right now . " They were like brother and sister " he said to himself , fighting back tears . " So , you mean to tell me you knew about it and at the same time , you were chilling with them ? With no issues ? No problems ? You REALLY expect me to believe that ? " " Us ? " Dajuan said nervously , " Aw man , we just comin ' from the store . I picked her up on my way over here . " Sherrie avoided eye contact with them , pretending to focus on the video game that was being played right in front of her . Dajuan picked up the vacant game controller , " Let 's get a game in " he said quickly in an attempt to avoid further questioning . They knew where they just came from and it had nothing to do with a store . Sherrie and Dajuan were just alike in the sense that they thrived on danger . The fear of " almost getting caught " is what kept the fire and passion in their affair . She believed she married Charles too young and since he cheated before , she had to get him back . She had to do it in a way that would teach him to think twice before he ever did it again . It was only supposed to happen once but once turned into twice , twice turned into three times , and three times turned into almost six months of treachery that was so covertly operated that the navy seals would 've been proud of it . " Aight man " Charles said , " I think you need a reminder of what happens every time you pick up them sticks " he said as a smile jetted across his face . Sherrie smiled in his direction , looking more towards Dajuan . The two men sat so close to each other that one could barely tell who her attention was really on . The way he redirected Charles made her want Dajuan even more . They were midway through the second quarter when the doorbell rang . Charles got up and walked to the door . Once he realized who stood on the other side , he scooted outside and cracked it behind him . " What are you doin ' here ? " he exclaimed in a stern , hushed voice . It was the woman he cheated on his wife with almost a year ago . She would show up unannounced at times asking for things that she left hanging around his house . He believed she left traces there covertly just to have a reason to come back . " I need my notebook . It 's under your bed " she said in an irritated voice . " No its not ! No . Its . Not ! And you 're gonna ' have to stop comin ' roun ' here , Jazmine ! I told you that ! " he said as he peeked behind him into the house , making sure nobody was coming to the door . " Boy , please . Like I said , I just want my notebook . If you 're not gonna ' go get it , then I will " she said as she tried to push her way past him . He put his hand up to block her , " No , I 'll get it . Just wait here . " He looked to his right as a black Monte Carlo began creeping down the block . It was right on time . He left her at the door , closing it as she stood there waiting with her arms folded . " Who was that ? " his wife asked as he briskly walked past them in the front . " Huh ? " he said , attempting to stall as he walked back to their room and began searching under the bed . Moments later , he yelling coming from the front room . Jazmine and Sherrie began arguing at the door . He glanced at his watch , knowing he had to get back out there as fast as he could . He climbed all the way under the bed and pulled out a notebook she had tucked on top of " Look " the detective interrupted him out of his daydream , " I 'm done here . If you don 't want to talk , that 's fine . That 's fine with me but please believe that there will be somebody you will have to answer to . We 're gonna hold you here for that traffic ticket until we can sort the rest of this out . " He shrugged his shoulders as the detective walked out of the room . He sat there , cold and sullen , sipping the final drops of water out of his bottle . He knew he would be out in a couple days and when he did get out , he would go back to life as it was before . Before the adultery . Before the wrong choices . It was a restoration time for him . He smirked at the detectives as they watched from the other side of the mirror . He held up his hand and pointed at the empty bottle . He knew he was going to get away with murder . Leave a reply Her mother , Elaine , walked in with a magnanimous smile on her face before he finished biting into me . He looked at me as if I just escaped his mouth . She walked over to hug her daughter and then headed towards me . She was the same height as her daughter and outside of her mother 's darker skin , the two were nearly identical . It was clear where she had gotten her beauty from . Even in her mid - forties , her body still found a way to retain a bit of its peak from her golden years . She cut her husband off , " Oh hush , old man ! This house is too quiet ! It 's time to hear the pitter - patter of tiny feet running through here . " " Well " , her mother interjected , " Supper is ready . Shall we ? " She smiled . Geoffrey , their butler , came in and directed us to the kitchen . We walked down long hallways , passing artwork and statues along the way . Our footsteps made unnerving echoes throughout the hallow halls with each steps . As we walked a few steps behind her parents , my lady whispered to me sternly , " Ehhis , please do not incite my father at the dinner table . " Her whisper went slightly above a secretive tone . Geoffrey and her parents turned towards us . We smiled as if nothing was being said . They turned around and we continued , " Well , would you like to serve the food as well ? " her father said . I began to get up , but my lady restrained me , subtly forbidding me to respond to his sarcasm . Geoffrey served the food . Smothered pork chops , steamed vegetables , mashed potatoes , hot water cornbread and lemon - aid . The dinner was filled with the clanging of silverware against plates and nods of approval of the food that was served . Geoffrey did his job of refilling our glasses with ice cold lemon - aid and providing seconds of whatever we requested . Out the corner of my eye , I noticed the interactions between Geoffrey and Elaine . The indirect , flirty smiles that they exchanged when they thought nobody was watching . They looked like they enjoyed the thrill of almost being caught , like it was something that drove their relationship . I pretended to take a drink , watching their interaction through the distortion of my glass . It would take a blind man to not know there was something amiss between those two . Luckily , she was married to one . We finished our food . Her father wiped his mouth with a napkin , then sipped a cup of tea with his pinky finger extended . I thought of the artwork that hung on his wall and the records that were buried in the drawer . " I noticed there were a few paintings and records by Negro artists around the house . My lady said they were yours . Why are they tucked away beneath everything else ? " My lady sensed what I was doing . She tried to interject but I cut her off and directed the question back to her mother . Her father looked as if I just reviled him , placing his mug gently down on the table . Elaine looked at him with a thwarted countenance and then turned towards me . " Well " she said , " there is really not enough room for all of the artwork we have . So , we just decided to put the ones up that fit the décor of the rooms . It gives it a better ' Feng shay ' as father puts it . " He nodded his head as if she correctly gave the answers they rehearsed for times like this . He added , " You do know what that means , right ? " his hands were folded onto his protruding belly . " Why are you defending this fool ? He has nothing to offer our little girl . He 's not doing a thing but suckin ' her dry " he paused , " well really , suckin ' me dry since I 'm the one givin ' her all the money . " Lady and I looked back and forth between them like siblings watching their parents argue . Lady took a drink of lemon - aid and I looked towards Elaine . She had a scowl , mirroring the same face my mother gave my father when she was going to lay into him with her words . She never cussed at him in front of us but she knew how to give the most sanctified tongue lashing my ears had ever heard . I wondered if Elaine had the same type of skill . She began tapping her finger nails on the table from right to left , one after the other . Geoffrey walked back in , refilling glasses with Lemon - aid . He knew he stepped into a war zone . I could tell he was uncomfortable when he poured the drink into my glass and splashed a few drops onto the table in front of me . " I 'm sorry , sir " he said , wiping up the small accident . Charles took another sip of tea while his pinky was still erect . She was hesitating to answer , either searching for the words or trying to figure out how to say them . She finally spoke up , Her father 's eyes bucked open as he slammed his glass on the table . My Lady 's eyes widened as she gasped . I looked between all of them at the table . I didn 't know exactly what she meant but I picked up on the context clues and assumed the rest . I was right . He sat up in his chair . His face was slowing turning beet red . Geoffrey quickly exited out the room before things got worse . My lady 's mouth hung wide open . Elaine continued , " Yeah , I didn 't want to embarrass you in front of them but since you pushed me to do so , there it is ! Hell , you deserve it the way you 've carried on with Ehhis this night . It 's completely ridiculous ! " " Charles , sit your behind down ! You can barely tie your own shoe without me around here to help you ! Had it not been for your parents , you wouldn 't even be in the position you are in now and you 're talking like you 're some big shot . " I smiled as I drank more of my lemon - aid . My lady smacked me on the arm and Charles looked towards me , " What are you smiling at , boy ? ! I 'll put you on the same boat ! You 're the reason she 's fired up right now ! " I smiled wide , completely enjoying the situation he found himself in . Elaine was much more reckless with her words . I felt as if she was partly defending me in her responses , " This ain 't about him , Charles ! This is about us ! Sit your wobbly behind down , you know good and well Ehhis ain 't the cause of none of this ! " I knew Lady got her beauty from Elaine but it wasn 't until now that I saw where she got her feistiness from as well . Elaine was a firecracker . His face was completely red . Geoffrey came out of the kitchen and walked towards me . With a vague smirk , he filled my glass up with water . The ice clanged on the sides of the glass pitcher as he poured . Charles interrupted him , " That 'll be enough , Geoffrey . Our guest was just leaving ! " I stood up and tipped my hat to Elaine . " No , don 't leave yet " she said , " there is one more thing I need to say and I want you to hear this . " She stood up at the table . Her eyes on fire , chest moving up and down at a rapid pace from her breathing . Geoffrey looked up towards her and subtly shook his head . I saw their interaction and looked towards my Lady . We made eye contact , then we both looked at her father as he peered between all of us . His face was still beet red . " Well , speak , woman ! " She examined him intensely . She had something to say and it seemed that she was holding onto it for ages . I imagined that it was that very thing that was trying to push its way out her chest as she breathed heavily . " Spit it out ! " Charles said impatiently . She finally exploded , " I cheated on you 24 years ago ! " The room went silent . My lady and I sat with our mouths hanging wide open , looking around the room at each other , not knowing what to do next . " And that 's not it ! " Elaine added , " I 've been cheating with the same man since then . " Our facial expressions didn 't change as she continued , " And Lady is not your daughter ! She is Geoffrey 's ! " I looked at my Lady and she turned to look at Geoffrey as he stood by the door just as uncomfortable as he could have ever been . The silence in the room was deafening . I put my head down , wanting to sink under the table and disappear . Charles sat lifeless at the head of the table . He passed out and rolled off his chair onto the ground . The craziest part about that is that nobody went over to check on him . Not one soul . Check the short promo for this upcoming novel ! |
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